Prugypt FTW

by irlShaggy

Summary:

I wrote this on Discord.

Why?

Because I was playing Gartic Phone and I needed a prompt. So, I said “fuck it, Prussia x Egypt”.

So yeah, enjoy this short lil story I made

Chapter 1

Prugypt FTW

Gilbert Beilschmidt, former personification of Prussia, decided to take a vacation, “hmmm, where should I go? Hmmmmm.” He pondered and stipulated and wondered, “I know! I’ll throw a dart at the map, that’ll work.” He picked up a dart, covered his eyes, maneuvered his hand, and threw.
*thunk*
The dart has made Prussia’s decision, he was going to Egypt.

When he got to Alexandria, the last thing Prussia thought he would feel was love, but there he was, Muhammad Hassan, personification of Egypt, waiting for him at the airport, Germany must have called and told him about Prussia’s vacation. His eyes were just striking, Old Fritz strike him dead if Prussia was really falling for a man he seldom interacted with.

And then, lightning.
It struck Prussia right then and there, “where am I?” Prussia asked,
“I was told to strike you if you were falling in love with Egypt,” of course, who else would it be the Old Fritz himself: Frederick the Great (King of Prussia), “so I did.”
“Am I in Heaven?”
“No, I knocked you out cold with that lightning strike. You… are in love with Egypt.”
“You’re right,” Prussia finally accepted it, “I must tell him! Wake me up.” He woke up.
“Wake up Prussia!” Egypt said in a tone higher than normal.
Prussia woke up and kissed him on the cheek. Egypt returned the favor

To be continued…

Chapter 2

Our intrepid couple saw the sights of Alexandria. From the Statue of Alexander the Great and archaeological sites for his tomb to the Planetarium Science Center. Their final stop was the beaches. The sands of the Mediterranean glistening in the sunset. The waters he swam in were scintillating. Absolutely stunning…

 

Wait is that Romano? Who’s the stud with the long ass nose? “Hey Egypt, there’s Romano.”
“Romano? “Egypt responded, “I didn’t know he was here.”
“Well he is, let’s say hi,” a few moments later, “Good Awesome noon, Romano!” The Italian spat out his drink,
“Oh great, of all people to see.”
“How are you this fine evening?” Prussia asked, really dragging out that ‘fine’.
“Great.”
“So you gonna introduce us to the stiff?”
“I am no stiff,” the nose guy butt in, “I am Gru, world renowned um… jelly businessman.”
“Bullshit.” Egypt piped up, “you stole my Pyramid way back when.”
“It wasn’t me, it was Vector”
“Doesn’t change the fact that you are a dirty thief, YOU STOLE THE MOON!”
“I put it back.”
“Yeah he put it back.”
“Now let’s calm down everyone. How about we go back to the hotel and enjoy the night?” Prussia suggested, everyone seemed to be in favor.
It was time to party, nothing like four guys and a night on the town, “so what brings you to my country?” Egypt asked the others,
“I decided to take a vacation,” Prussia responded simply,
“Gru and I? Well…” Romano started,
“We tried stealing an Arch and failed, we came here to relieve ourselves,” Gru finished.
“I’m glad you three have decided to take pleasure in my country.”
“Who’s up for a Goncharov watch party in our room?” Gru happily suggested,
“We are.” Everyone agreed
Several scenes and about an hour into the movie later, our gay quad were intently watching Martin Scorsese’s magnum opus, ‘You left me here, knee deep in shit, without even pausing to offer a fucking shovel, and then you have the balls to come back and complain about the smell?!’
“This movie is always a ride,” Prussia motioned to Egypt,

Chapter 3

“Am I right? Or am I right?” he continued,
“Indeed, my beloved,” Egypt commented, “I never knew such artistry could be made.”
“It’s a testament to human imagination,” Gru replied,
“I love this movie,” Romano said, tears streaming down his face, “my favorite character is Mario.”
By the time the movie finished, they were all fast asleep, except for Romano, he was too focused on how every shot was filled to the brim with care and attention and symbolism.

The sun rose over the east, Prussia’s vacation ends today. The group drove to the airport, “I must go now. My country needs me,” Prussia announced, “beam me up, Fritz.” Lightning flashed and struck Prussia again and he was gone.
“Well that happened,” Gru commented,
“So what’s this about stealing an arch?” Egypt asked,
“Some bearded fuck in a red jacket stopped us,” Romano spat, “it’s a long story.”

-FIN-
=CREDITS=
__CAST__
Prussia - Johnathan Brooks
Egypt - Rami Malek
Gru - Steve Carrell
Romano - Ian Sinclair
Old Fritz - Himself

__WRITER__
irlShaggy

Prussia x Egypt created by irlShaggy
Gru x Romano created by onigiriGold
Goncharov directed by Martin Scorsese

One credits sequence later, Prussia was back in Berlin having struck back down with a lightning bolt. This was the best vacation ever.

Chapter 4

Summary:

I have been on ao3 for an entire year as of today

“We interrupt your regularly scheduled programming with Breaking News, the Times Square New Years Ball has been stolen!” The newscaster frantically yelled, earning raucous laughter from the four men watching him on tv.
“HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, he has no idea, huh Gru?”
“No, Prussia, he does not.” Gru chortled
“So,” Egypt, a man from Egypt, said, calming himself down, “why’re we doing with this, again?”
“Tell him, babe.” Gru motioned to his husbando in the apartment kitchen,
“We do a lil trolling,” Romano, the Italian, pulled out his fresh pizza from the oven, “that’s why we stole this ball. Now get your asses over here, pizza’s done.”
The pizza was of Romano’s own specific style, as meticulously made to perfection like a single frame of Goncharov (1973). 
“We have just received an update on the New Years ball theft, it has been located on the roof of a convenience store at the corner of-” the anchorman on tv didn’t finish his finish before Egypt began choking on his slice of pizza, leading to Prussia performing the Heimlich Maneuver.
“WHAT DOES HE MEAN THEY FOUND IT?!??!!!???!!???” Romano shouted with indignation, “WE HAVE IT RIGHT HERE!!!!!!!!!!”
“It can’t be the Squad,” Gru surmised, “they’re all the way in Portugal.”
“The entire Squad?” Egypt, having dislodged the pizza slice with Prussia’s help, wondered, “or just the main three?”
“Which Squad members could possibly be here in New York tonight?” Prussia questioned.

As if on cue, the power went out.
DWOOOOOOM
“I had to ask.” Prussia chastised the cartoonish timing. 
Then came the rumble of water pipes and the lumbering walk of… metal feet.
“Har har ha-har har,” Oh no, “Har ha-har ha-haaaaaaar,” OH NO.
“Oh shit,” Romano knew the dreaded song all too well, “Freddy Fazbear’s here. We need to go, NOW!”
“Prussia, Egypt, grab the ball and bring it to the car!” Gru commanded, “DAVE! STEWART!”
Two of the Minions burst forth from the air vent ready to fight.

And white eyes lit up the dark.

Chapter 5

The bathroom, gone dark in the blackout, played a chorus of rumbling pipes. A bright light emanated from the sink drain, getting brighter until a voice came grunting from within, a squid with a big ass head, dressed like a burglar, crawled out from the drain, “I don’t know why Shaggy asked me to do this,” Squidward panted, “better than doing nothing on New Years.” He put on some night vision x-ray googles, seeing two men carrying a round object in the stairwell outside the apartment, “there you are.”
“Why’d we need to get the penthouse suite?” Prussia chastised the decision, “it’s so far from the car.” Prussia and Egypt were hastily carrying the New Years Ball down the stairs while Gru, Romano, and two Minions fought off Freddy Fazbear.
“Just a little further,” Egypt encouraged Prussia to keep at it, “only 15 more floors to go.”
“AAAAAAAAAAAA” Squidward dropped down from above, landing on top of the ball. The two men dropped the ball at the sound of the falling squid, leading it to roll down the stairs, with Squidward on it.
“Squidward, what the hell are you doing here?” Prussia ‘shouted’ at the cephalopod,
“Getting a better paycheck than at the Krusty Krab.” He lunged at the Prussian, the Egyptian joined in making a 2v1.
They fought. It got so violent it turned into a cartoon cloud covering it. When the dust settled, Prussia stood over Squidward and Egypt, panting like a dog in the New Mexico summer heat, “aaaaaaah,” he sighed peering down the steps, “the ball!” Prussia picked it up and started walking back up only to for the apartment door to fly off the hinges as Gru and Romano ran out, Freddy close behind. They all collided with each other. Knocking everybody even further down the stairs.

“Wake up Prussia,” Egypt slapped his boyfriend awake, “we have 10 minutes before new years and the ball is gone.”
“What do you mean?” Indeed the ball was gone. But who had it?

Chapter 6

Times Square, 12/31/24 11:55 PM
“Careful with the ball, Morby,” the Onceler called to Morbius, “we need the ball pristine if that money guy’s gonna pay us $1 billion.
“I know,” Morbius called back as he flew to the top of the ball dropping mechanism, ball in his arms, careful not to drop it, “I can taste that money already.”
Morbius got the ball into the mechanism safely and the two of them flew down onto the crowded street below and watched it drop, ringing in 01/01/2025 12:00 AM.

==CAST==
Prussia - Johnathan Brooks
Gru - Steve Carell
Egypt - Rami Malek
Romano - Ian Sinclair
Freddy Fazbear - himself
Squidward - Roger Bumpass
Onceler - Ed Helms
Morbius - Jared Leto