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Being a supernatural creature within the idol industry is no easy feat. Idols who have publicly announced their heritage as supernatural are few and far between, and typically do so well after their music has garnered a decently sized fan base that they have confidence won’t dwindle upon the announcement. It’s difficult to get past the stereotypes that the general public has about a majority of supernatural beings, and almost all of those stereotypes have negative connotations. It’s just not typically worth it to reveal yourself as supernatural, especially when your entire career relies on the public perception of you.
So, most idols keep it a secret from the public, but often let their group members and company in on their heritage for safety and comfort reasons. Felix isn’t exactly one of those, having taken a path that a very small percentage of supernatural idols have ever dared to go along: he’s kept his lineage a secret from the public, the company, and his group members.
At first, it was for personal safety reasons. Being thrown onto an elimination show to fight for a spot to debut meant that any weakness could have easily been used against him or otherwise exploited to make him look bad. It wasn’t hard to use a little bit of glamour every day, round out the tips of his ears and dull the point of his teeth. His wings were a bit more of a struggle, especially considering the need to bind them to his back for hours on end and only letting them free when the door of the bathroom was firmly locked behind him, but he managed. Nobody found out - not even those he grew close to, the ones he deemed friends, the ones he fought to debut with.
He forged his medical papers, though it wasn’t difficult to enchant them to the point a human’s eyes would pass right over them and see them as normal. He faked everything, kept his magic tightly bundled to his chest, between his ribs, beneath his heart. He struggled through it all, but finally, finally.
Debut. The chaotic life of an idol. Growing popularity, more and more eyes on him and on his best friends, his group mates. The population looking when they performed, a veritable threat of a 4th generation group. Felix never had time to consider coming clean, to consider breaking habits he’s had since he first stepped foot in Korea, to realize that his best friends and group mates definitely wouldn’t care that he’s a faerie. Sure, it’s one of the species more heavily regarded as suspicious and dangerous, but… they’d understand. Felix knows it, in the back of his mind. Yet, the words never come, the time is never right, and time passes quicker than he can blink.
The world opens up more, to supernatural species, especially following the pandemic. Felix watches in quiet awe as more and more idols step forth and come clean on their heritage, as other celebrities and government officials follow the lead. Legislation begins to change, rights handed more freely to the supernatural, and it’s a breath of relief that Felix didn’t even know he needed. Hearing his friends talk about it is good, as well.
Hyunjin buzzes excitedly when he returns from an overseas photo shoot, talking endlessly about the siren he worked with and how kind she was. Felix’s smile is hidden behind cups of tea as Hyunjin goes on and on until Minho has enough and throws a pillow at Hyunjin’s head, resulting in a loud squawk of betrayal and Hyunjin lunging at the elder idol, much to Felix’s amusement. His wings tremble in their bindings, aching to be free, to be known. Felix forces them to settle as Hyunjin and Minho fight, the tussle soon added to when Jeongin and Jisung step into the dorm and happily get roped into what’s quickly building into a group-wide pillow fight. Felix doesn’t protest when he’s recruited into the fray, catching the pillow launched at his face and going to tackle Jeongin with a high-pitched war cry.
Only days later, Chan comes home early from the studio - a veritable shock to everyone in the dorm. The leader explains that an announcement is going out tomorrow, and that it’s company related, and reiterates that everyone in the group needs to be kind and keep an open mind. It’s concerning, and Felix can’t sleep that night due to Chan refusing to elaborate, so he’s the first one to see the announcement from JYP about Twice having multiple supernatural members within their group.
It’s dizzying, almost, watching the video as Jihyo steps forwards and sheds the jacket on her shoulders, massive feathered wings unfolding on either side of her body. Felix is in awe, easily able to recognize the wings of an angel, and his emotions only build as Tzuyu tosses off her own jacket, shimmering faerie wings with various shades of blue on her back and a proud look on her face as she links arms with Jihyo. Nayeon steps up next, a slightly more anxious look on her face as she focuses her expression, a wolf’s tail and ears sprouting before Felix’s eyes. A werewolf, an angel, and another faerie. A faerie like him. Felix can’t help the tears that build up in his eyes, especially when he sees how the rest of the girls look at their supernatural group mates with nothing but love and pride in their eyes. Twice have always been kind and lovely to the members of Stray Kids, to the point that Felix considers them friends, and seeing them so bravely reveal their supernatural traits makes him ache for the courage to do so himself.
He manages to compose himself before anyone else in the dorm wakes, though he finds himself in the kitchen baking his emotions into several batches of muffins, which Felix knows will be appreciated when the other members wake up. It’s a swirl of emotions, and a burning urge to talk to Tzuyu. He wants to speak to another fae, to ask her about how her group took the reveal, if she told them when they debuted, or before. But he lets the thoughts lie, both groups are insanely busy so he doesn’t want to bother her, and the other boys are waking up and entering the kitchen. Felix brushes off the idea of trying to contact Tzuyu as the others chat about the video, pride and surprise rampant throughout the conversation.
“It’s very brave of them,” Jisung praises as he zooms in on a photo of Tzuyu’s wings, admiring the swirling colors of them, Changbin leaning over his shoulder to look as well, unfettered awe on both of their faces. “I didn’t even realize we had supernatural idols within the company. I’d seen some announcements from SM, and from Big Hit, but this is nice to see. The view of the supernatural really is changing.”
“JYP has always been good about the supernatural,” Chan says, picking up another muffin from the platter in the center of the dining table. “He had a meeting with leaders of groups yesterday. Jihyo-noona led most of it, but the general consensus was that if any group under the company has supernatural members that want to step forwards, he’ll support them every step of the way. Jihyo-noona too, she made it very clear that any supernatural idols are free to speak to her and she’d defend them to the end.”
A lightning bolt of energy jolts down Felix’s spine, and he hides his shaking hands by grabbing the final batch of muffins from the oven and sliding them on the stovetop to cool, mind spinning chaotically. Any idol. Any. Any of them. That includes Felix. He could come forward as a faerie, and JYP would support him, he could talk to Jihyo and get her opinion. He wouldn’t be kicked out of the group or the company.
But how would the others react, to a secret he’s kept since pre-debut? Would they be mad? Ask if he’d ever used his magic against them? Fae magic is fickle and often ends destructively if you don’t phrase your words correctly. Felix has lost count of the amount of people who unknowingly handed their names to him, and he’s done his best to give them all back. The worries are stifling, and Felix only considers coming forwards for a moment before shaking it away. No, it’s still safer to hide. He can’t risk losing his boys. Not now, not ever.
His secret stays. His wings remain bound, he continues his routine of glamour every morning. His thumb twitches towards Jihyo’s contact every few days, but he stomps down the urge. If he goes to anyone, it should be Chan. But that thought always makes Felix a bit nauseous - what if Chan gets upset? He’s always looked up to the other Australian, and has been close to him since he was first recruited as a trainee. Added onto it is the fact that what started out as a starry-eyed admiration crush spiraled into a genuine one charged with a love greater than Felix ever expected, Felix constantly tuned in to whatever Chan is doing, or saying, or just his general existence. The thought of Chan being upset makes Felix want to die, a little bit, on the inside. Even if it would be nice for someone to know, for someone to be able to help when Felix’s wings ache with the strain of binding and his magic grows unruly the longer he suppresses it, he doesn’t want to risk the chance that Chan would be upset.
The leader is always level-minded when it comes to the group, and would have a plan in less than a day, but still, Felix worries. It’s just another secret chalked onto the board, a list that’s longer than Felix would like to admit. He’s always seen as bubbly and a ray of sunshine, and he is, but sometimes the exhaustion of hiding is a heavy weight. He has two secrets bundled close to his chest, his fae lineage the main one, but he could always… test the waters of unconventional things for idols with the other.
Felix has known he’s bi for years now. It’s an easy realization to pinpoint, for him, and a secret kept next to what he is species-wise. Two pieces of him that the idol industry would rip to pieces, and he’s unsure which would cause more issues. Being fae is a terrifying thing to divulge, but being queer could ruin almost everything, so he picks apart his options whenever he has a chance.
Practicing dance is one of the times Felix lets his mind wander, muscle memory moving him through the steps as his mind whirls. He reserves a practice room for himself every week or so, to the point that one specific studio has been deemed as his every Friday night. It’s one of the smaller ones, without windows and with a door that doesn’t have a window and locks so that Felix can let his wings loose when they hurt too much. For now, they’re still bound as he goes through the motions, a focused look on his face as he thinks. Coming out as bi, coming out as fae. Neither sounds appealing, but he’s not sure how long he can choke down the secrets until he spills everything. He’s already had plenty of small slips that have blessedly been brushed off, but the more his wings protest the constant binding the more Felix worries about what he’s doing to such an intricate piece of himself. If one day he would damage himself beyond any hope of repair.
Being unable to lie outright is a horrible curse, Felix thinks. He’s managed to weave his way around questions, gained a talent for words being structured in a way of technicalities and half-truths. Being fae means that lies won't leave his lips, words choking off into silence if he tries. It’s irritating, and he’s had to find things to say that aren’t right-out lies more often than he can count.
The door of the dance studio opens, jolting Felix out of his thoughts, and he whirls on his heel to come face-to-face with two familiar faces from Twice. Jihyo and Tzuyu freeze where they stand as well, all three staring at each other for a moment before Jihyo composes herself with a sheepish smile.
“Ah, Felix, I forgot this is your day with this studio,” she says with a quick dip of her head, and Felix waves a hand.
“It’s okay, noona, really,” he reassures her, and Jihyo squints at him for a moment before letting it go. Felix’s eyes are caught by her wings, ruffling slightly behind her back, and she notices his gaze rather quickly.
“Oh, you haven’t seen me in person since the announcement,” Jihyo realizes, and Felix nods, a bit sheepish.
“Your wings are gorgeous, noona,” he compliments, and Jihyo grins at the praise.
“Awh, how kind of you, what a good dongsaeng,” she coos, and Felix is struck with the familiar urge to spill everything, to ask her for advice, to beg for help on the secrets he’s been keeping since he was a fresh face in the company.
Tzuyu has a strange look on her face, staring at Felix curiously, her own wings proud and held high behind her back. Felix’s wings shake in their bindings again, begging to be free, but he forces them still. He’s tempted to come clean, to ask for help, but the fear still chokes him. A moment passes, two, and Tzuyu cuts in on the conversation.
“Felix, is the room’s fan hitting your shirt?” She asks, a casual sounding question, but Felix’s stomach drops. Jihyo looks over at Tzuyu, surprise plastered on her face, but Tzuyu doesn’t spare the leader a glance, gaze digging into Felix’s skin. He weighs his options - talk around it, or come clean.
“No,” he answers after a moment, truth ringing in his words, and Jihyo’s head snaps to him. He can see the gears turning in her head, catching up to what Tzuyu already suspects, her eyes widening.
“Felix?” Jihyo asks, careful, and Felix takes a breath.
“Can you close the door?” He asks, a weak tremble to his voice, and Tzuyu’s firm expression cracks some, recognizing his fear, and she steps fully into the practice room with Jihyo on her heels, closing the door solidly behind them. The quiet continues, before Felix clears his throat.
“Um,” he begins - very eloquent - before his shoulders sag. “I’m… not exactly… human. And nobody else knows besides my family.”
A myriad of emotions flash across Jihyo’s face, before she smacks Tzuyu on the back of the head lightly. Tzuyu flinches, a betrayed look on her face as she looks at the leader.
“Aish, Tzuyu, did you have to force him to come out like that?” Jihyo scolds, before she turns to Felix, concern plastered across her face. “Nobody knows? Not even Chan-ah?”
Felix’s face burns red at the question - damn, he’s extremely transparent if Jihyo could clock that from being in a different group with schedules that never truly align - but he nods in confirmation.
“I didn’t want to risk it at first,” he explains. “Being on an elimination show doesn’t give much room for weakness, or revealing something like that.”
Jihyo’s face twists at that, certainly remembering her own time going through the shows JYP liked to produce, before smoothing out into a more serious expression.
“Plus, you know how people treat the fae, unnie,” Tzuyu points out, and Jihyo seems to concede at the statement, tilting her head towards the younger girl.
“I kind of want to tell them,” Felix admits, voice still shaking. “But it’s been so long. I don’t know how they would react. I know JYP wouldn’t kick me out, Chan mentioned the leaders meeting before Twice’s announcement, but…”
“It’s scary,” Tzuyu fills in, an all-too-knowing look on her face. “It’s terrifying to be unsure what your closest friends would think. If they’d turn their backs even if you didn’t get kicked out. If you’d lose the life you value so much just because of who you are.”
“Yeah,” Felix agrees, hating the way his eyes sting with tears. “Exactly.”
“You don’t have to decide now,” Jihyo soothes him, reaching forward and taking Felix’s hands between hers, her grip tight and reassuring. “We have a group chat for supernatural idols under JYP. I can send you an invitation. It’s top-secret, of course, everyone knows the risks. But it might help?”
“I’d appreciate that a lot, noona,” Felix chokes out, and Jihyo nods firmly. She waits while he composes himself and grabs his phone, sending him a chat link and watching as he joins, smiling at the surprise flooding into the chat from the few other users.
Felix holds his breath as he types out what he is, exhaling slowly as he sends a short message into the chat. His name, age, his species. The reception is kind and quick, reassurances and promises to keep the secret. Felix thanks them, and returns the sentiment. When he looks up, Jihyo and Tzuyu are smiling back at him.
“Fae, like me,” Tzuyu comments, a grin on her face. “When you’re comfortable, I’d love to see your wings.”
Felix nods, relief taking a weight off his shoulders. “Of course, noona. Mine aren’t as intricate as yours…”
“But they’re yours,” Tzuyu finishes with a grin. “It’s an honor to have your trust, dongsaeng. Whatever you decide in the future, unnie and I will be here. Nayeon-unnie too.”
“Thank you,” Felix whispers, and Tzuyu’s eyes widen immediately, both of them well aware of how powerful those words are to the fae. But her shock softens after a moment, reaching out to place a hand on Felix’s.
“Of course,” she replies, magic surging between them, and Felix can’t help the grin that stretches over his face.
Felix grows comfortable in the group chat quickly, after his initial awkwardness. It’s filled with the supernatural members of the JYP idol groups lamenting trivial and non-trivial issues with being magical, links to support for magical beings, excited surges of chatter whenever a new law goes into place protecting supernatural beings. The day that the forceful removal of wings from supernatural beings is made illegal, the group chat explodes, excitement from all members, especially the winged ones.
It feels surreal, to Felix, being able to talk so freely about being fae. He and Tzuyu become close quickly, complaining to each other about how difficult it is to navigate their words in a life that always requires a little bit of lying. He learns about other magical beings, too. There’s vampires and a kitsune, a couple more wolves like Nayeon, but Jihyo remains the only angel. Still, she readily joins in with Tzuyu and Felix’s complaints about wing binding and how inconvenient they can be.
The more Felix talks about being fae, the more comfortable he becomes in his own skin. Being able to see Tzuyu own her lineage so readily onstage and in videos is inspiring - and he tends to stalk through social media to see the reaction of fans. He sees dozens and dozens of posts of people praising Twice, saying how seeing the girls own their magic made them more confident in their own magic. A hashtag trends, a few months after the announcement video, fans showing off their magical features alongside Twice photos where Jihyo, Tzuyu, and Nayeon have their own traits proudly on display. Felix scrolls and scrolls until his eyes blur with tears and he aches with the urge to join.
He sees it, then. A post from Itzy, another group under JYP, and he’s seen Yeji in the group chat but her messages were few and far between but she’s standing before the camera with a determined expression, multiple tails fanned out behind her and ears on her head, hands on her hips as she proudly makes herself known as a kitsune. Felix almost drops his phone, eyes wide, and he scrambles to check the group chat. Yeji is there, thanking everyone who’s praising her bravery, and he sends along his own message which is greeted with a thrilled response of ‘thank you, oppa!’ and his head spins for the rest of the day. The urge to come clean is roaring in his chest, his wings hurt from the constant binding, and that night the rest of Stray Kids talk about the post with a mix of surprise and awe, gathered around the table at one of the two dorms that they have, a rare time for them all to eat together.
Felix is mostly quiet, chipping in his support when necessary, but his mind is elsewhere. It doesn’t slip past Chan, who catches his eye and sends him a questioning look, which Felix brushes off with a smile. Chan’s eyes narrow some, and Felix curses internally knowing that he’s on the radar of the leader. Chan isn’t one to let things go that easily, which doesn’t bode well for Felix’s inability to lie and his staggering crush on the other Australian. He’s not sure which option is worse: revealing that he’s bi, or revealing that he’s a fae. It’s a constant struggle, but slowly, his urge to reveal his fae traits has become a constant pest.
Maybe he could get away with small things. Just to ease the others into it. Forget to glamour his teeth or his ears one day, not frantically clean up any faerie dust he accidentally leaves behind whenever he unbinds his wings in the bathroom. Something like that. His contemplative state isn’t missed by anyone, but he misses the odd looks thrown across the table by the other boys. If he’d paid attention, maybe he’d have been able to plan out the next few days a little better. Or at least been a bit more prepared.
Days pass after Yeji’s post, and Felix all but forgets the look Chan had given him over the dinner table. Days off are rare for them, breaks in their schedules between filmings and performances, and Felix always spends his days off in the dorm. The others tend to do their own thing, catching up on sleep or taking day trips around Seoul, and Felix always feels relatively safe not binding his wings on off days, as the dorm he lives in is usually empty and he has his own room.
A fatal mistake, he realizes, as his door bangs open while his back is turned, wings in the open as he rummages through his closet to find a specific hoodie, the intruder cutting himself off abruptly into silence. Felix stiffens, eyes widening, and he whirls around to face Hyunjin, folding his wings behind his back, but it’s too late as Hyunjin’s eyes track the movement. Silence stays hanging over them, stretching on, and the longer Hyunjin’s face stays blank the more Felix begins to panic. His terror must show on his face, because Hyunjin is quick to step inside and close the door of the bedroom, flicking the lock closed. The quiet stretches on, Felix’s breathing getting more and more unsteady and rapid, and finally, Hyunjin’s face twists into concern.
“Lixie, breathe, okay?” Hyunjin says, slow to approach as if Felix is a startled animal. “I’m not upset, just surprised. I promise.”
Felix takes a ragged breath, sensing the truth in Hyunjin’s words, but the shaking of his hands doesn’t subside. He grabs a random hoodie and yanks it over his head, wings bunched uncomfortably against his back but he doesn’t care. Hyunjin watches, a strange sympathy on his face, before he speaks again.
“This might be improper wording, but, uh… what are you?” He asks, nose wrinkling at the statement, and if Felix wasn’t halfway into a panic attack, he might laugh at the disgruntled look on Hyunjin’s face as he can’t find a kinder way to phrase it.
“I’m sorry,” Felix blurts out, not thinking twice about the heavy magic behind those words, and Hyunjin’s eyebrows shoot up in surprise. “I’ve been wanting to tell everyone, but it was never good timing, and I was sure everyone would be upset that I hid for so long.”
“Hey, Lixie, no,” Hyunjin soothes, stopping about a foot away from where Felix is standing. “It’s okay. I’m not upset, and I doubt anyone would be. Just breathe.”
Felix obeys, breath stuttering but slowly leveling out. A few moments pass like that, before his shoulders fall in defeat.
“A faerie,” Felix says, and Hyunjin blinks. “That’s… what I am. Fae. I have wings. And ears, and fangs. I can usually hide those with glamour. But not… the wings.”
“Fae,” Hyunjin repeats, head tilting. “Like… like Tzuyu-noona?”
“Yeah,” Felix confirms, shoulders falling. “Our wings are differently colored, though.”
“They’re pretty,” Hyunjin says quickly, and Felix’s eyes widen. “I’m sorry I took away your choice to tell me, but… your wings are very pretty, Lix-ah. Are you going to tell the others?”
“I want to,” Felix replies. Pauses for a moment. “I don’t really know how.”
“That’s okay,” Hyunjin reassures him quickly, reaching out but pausing for a moment. Felix watches him debate mentally before grabbing Felix’s hands between his, pulling Felix towards him, and the fae doesn’t even think twice about melting against Hyunjin’s shoulder, relief crashing down as Hyunjin hugs him. “You’re okay, Lixie. It’s okay.”
Felix didn’t quite realize the moment tears started falling, but Hyunjin takes it in stride, waiting for him to calm down while absently rocking them both back and forth on their feet. It works like a charm, and Felix manages to calm down relatively quickly. Hyunjin doesn’t rush him, wiping away Felix’s tears with the sleeve of his hoodie, before pulling Felix over to the bed and sitting down next to him.
“What’s it like, being magic?” Hyunjin asks, quiet curiosity to ease Felix into the concept of one of his friends and group mates knowing his secret, and Felix gives him a small but grateful smile before beginning to talk, each word a small relief as he finally comes clean to someone who is one of the most important people in his life.
Tzuyu and Jihyo are ecstatic, when Felix updates them later that night, Hyunjin long asleep. Felix had refused to let him leave, resulting in the two of them sharing Felix’s bed for the night, not an uncommon occurrence between Felix and the other members of Stray Kids who have long grown used to and love Felix’s affectionate tendencies. Hyunjin sleeps away while Felix updates the Twice girls on the development, one hand absently running through Hyunjin’s hair while he types with the other. The two are quick to encourage him to continue telling the others, suggesting maybe doing it one by one or in pairs if it feels easier than the whole group at once. Felix considers it for a moment, before conceding - that sounds less terrifying than calling a group meeting to tell them about being fae.
Tzuyu messages him one-on-one once the initial conversation wraps up, both of them talking more in depth about fae magic. Names are massively important to the fae, and Felix has accidentally acquired them from staff members of various places and other groups when they introduce themselves. He’s always been quick to let them go, return them to their original owners, but Tzuyu confides that the members of Twice handed over their names to her as a show of trust and friendship after there was an in-depth conversation about fae magic. Felix aches to be given the same privilege from his band mates — names can be used for power, yes, but he could also use names to locate people and tell whether or not they’re alright. Being able to sense if someone is hurt or in danger would be nice, considering he worries himself sick over the others sometimes.
It’s added to the list of things to go over, whenever he explains fae magic to the others. And then Tzuyu asks the one question Felix has been avoiding.
TzuTzu: Are you going to reveal yourself as fae to your fans?
Felix stops dead at the question, biting at the inside of his cheek as he thinks. Ideally, yes. He knows that Stray Kids have established themselves within the idol scene, massively popular and talented. JYP has said that no matter the idol, he would back them in coming out as supernatural to the general public. Felix has the support and the means. It’s just a matter of fear.
Lixie: Eventually, I think I’d want to.
He locks his phone after that, putting it to charge and closing his eyes to sleep. Tomorrow problems, everything is tomorrow's problems.
Tomorrow problems begin when the door swings open violently at sunrise, Jisung nearly falling flat on his face as he barges into Felix’s room to wake up him and Hyunjin, singing loudly and purposefully off-key. Felix is groggy, half-awake and not sure when exactly Hyunjin had unlocked the door, the other idol tumbling out of the bed with a groan and staying face-down on the floor. Felix blinks at Jisung, jaw cracking as he yawns, one hand rubbing at his eyes, and when he blinks the stars from his eyes to look at Jisung, the other boy is frozen in place, staring generally at Felix’s mouth, his singing attempt at waking Hyunjin and Felix having come to an abrupt stop.
“What?” Felix asks, voice deeper as it usually is in the mornings, moving a hand to check if something is stuck in his teeth, and the pad of his index finger hits against his fangs. A moment, two.
“Oh. Fuck.” Felix is considerably more awake now, able to process Jisung’s surprise, and Hyunjin makes a vague noise of protest from the floor when Felix curses, which goes unnoticed by Jisung and Felix as they stare at each other.
“So,” Jisung says slowly, dragging out the word. Felix groans, before deciding to just rip off the band-aid and pulls his hoodie over his head, wings unfurling behind his back. He hadn’t bothered binding them the night before, Hyunjin loudly protesting when he suggested doing so.
“Yeah. Fae, like Tzuyu-noona,” Felix explains, shrugging a shoulder as if it isn’t a big deal, as if he isn’t holding his breath for Jisung’s reaction.
Jisung blinks a few more times. “Oh. Cool. Who else knows?”
“Just you and Hyunjinnie,” Felix replies, and Hyunjin waves a hand from the floor, slowly sitting up and looking slightly more awake. “I’ll tell the others soon.”
“Right,” Jisung agrees, before his face softens and he steps further into the room, ruffling Felix’s hair as the younger boy makes a noise of protest. “Proud of you, Lixie.”
With that, Jisung heads out, yelling something about breakfast behind him. Hyunjin looks up at Felix from the floor, a strangely smug look on his face.
“See? They won’t mind,” he says, equal parts smug and reassuring, and Felix smiles shakily.
“Yeah,” he agrees, standing slowly and heading for the closet. “Yeah. It’ll be fine.”
Hyunjin’s pleased grin tells Felix everything he needs to know when he glances back at the other idol.
After two accidental discoveries, planning out the rest of the conversations becomes easier; especially with Hyunjin and Jisung cheering him on now, along with Tzuyu and Jihyo. Felix elects to tell Seungmin and Jeongin together, then Changbin, then Minho, and finally Chan. He’s not sure why he keeps the leader last on the mental list, or at least he claims that he doesn’t while knowing the exact reason why at the back of his head. It’s Chan’s reaction that he’s the most scared of, the one that could make or break everything. Chan already calls Felix “pixie” sometimes, so surely being an actual fae wouldn’t be that much of an adjustment. Yet, Chan is the one who would hold the decision of Felix’s future in the palms of his hands - the one who could tell JYP to get rid of Felix. He wouldn’t, and Felix knows this logically; Chan’s fervent whisper of “I’ll always find you” lingers in the back of Felix’s head constantly, and yet Felix’s fears are never rational.
Seungmin and Jeongin aren’t difficult to find during the group’s next day off, arguing over Mario Kart in the living room of one of the dorms as Jisung clatters around in the kitchen, making tea and snacks or something similar. Felix doesn’t pay much attention, his focus on the two boys on the couch, staring at them from the hallway for a long minute. Jisung catches sight of him, and nods towards the two, an encouraging look on his face. Felix nods, and sheds his hoodie - he’s wearing one of his custom-cut shirts beneath it, specially designed to let his wings loose, a gift from Hyunjin not long after the other found out about Felix’s wings. Jisung smiles, looking proud as he turns back to the kitchen, and Felix steels his spine before walking to the couch.
“Throw me a controller, Innie,” Felix calls, and Jeongin nods, grabbing a third controller and turning to toss it to Felix, though he stops dead in his tracks when he sees Felix’s wings, eyes widening and jaw dropping open in surprise. Seungmin overtakes the maknae in-game, throwing his hands up with a triumphant yell when he crosses the finish line, then turns his head to look at Felix. The joyful shout dies in his throat, tapering off into shocked silence, and the two boys gape at Felix - his wings, specifically.
“Hyung?” Jeongin says after a moment, eyebrows furrowing with confusion. “Why do you have wings like Tzuyu-noona and Jihyo-noona?”
“You’re magical?” Seungmin asks at the same time, a lot less confused and a lot more stating an observation, and Felix lets out a small, amused laugh.
“Uh, yeah. I’m sorry for hiding it, Min-ah, Innie. I was worried I’d get removed from the group or something like that. But I trust everyone, and I want you all to know,” Felix explains, and after a moment Jeongin drops both of the controllers in his hands and gets up, launching himself at Felix to all but tackle him in a hug. Felix laughs, loud and bright, catching the maknae with ease and wrapping his arms around him, looking towards Seungmin with a slightly nervous look despite the smile on his face. But, Seungmin’s expression is soft, open, and Felix’s shoulders relax.
Jisung steps into the room, arms laden with snacks. Seungmin’s eyes snap to the older boy, and Jisung just shrugs, dumping the snacks onto the coffee table and grabbing the fourth controller.
“Alright, now we all know Lixie is fae, his wings are pretty, let him tell the others on his own. Now, come over here and let me kick all of your asses in Mario Kart.”
Protests erupt immediately, Jeongin pulling himself out of Felix’s arms to grab for his controller, and Felix follows, falling onto the couch between Seungmin and Jeongin. Seungmin elbows him gently in the side, and a small, pleased smile stretches across Felix’s face, taking the acceptance as it is and getting ready to play, wings free and fluttering behind his back.
Changbin is easy to find alone, a couple days later, the door of his room slightly cracked open when Felix enters the dorm, destination already set in mind. He’s wearing a hoodie, still, just in case Minho or Chan are lingering around, but the quiet of the dorm besides the faint sound of music from Changbin’s room puts Felix’s mind at ease. At least a little bit. Approaching Changbin’s room, Felix swallows his nerves and knocks, the door opening slightly despite the little force Felix had used. Changbin looks up from his laptop, smiling when he sees Felix, closing the device and sitting up properly.
“Hey, Felix, what’s up?” He asks, head tilting some, and Felix takes a breath as he steps into the room. Everything will be fine, this is fine, Changbin’s expression morphs to mild concern and Felix thinks fuck it and blurts out his secret—
“I’m bi. Wait, no, I’m fae. Wait—” Felix goes through the five stages of grief in rapid succession as Changbin stares in surprise, lips parted as Felix scrambles for purchase. For all the scenarios he ran through his head, he didn’t expect to come out with the wrong secret to Changbin.
“What?” Changbin asks, eloquent as ever. “You’re… bi? Fae? Both? Are you alright, Lix?”
Felix groans, embarrassment flooding through his veins, and he shoves his face into his hands, rapidly losing his nerve.
“Yes,” he replies, muffled behind his hands, and Changbin is quiet for a moment.
“Um. Congratulations?” Changbin offers, unsure. “The bi thing isn’t new, but… you’re fae? Like Tzuyu-noona? With wings and everything?”
“Yeah,” Felix confirms, deciding to shelve the fact that he’s queer being obvious as a crisis for another day as he lifts his head from his hands to look at Changbin. The other looks contemplative, and Felix only panics a little bit.
“I was going to tell everyone, and now I am, I just hid it for so long because it was natural after a certain point. Supernatural beings aren’t exactly given the easiest time, especially ones that want to be idols, and it was easier to pretend. It’s not that I don’t trust you, and the others, because I do, hyung, really, I was just… scared.” Felix’s shoulders fall, and Changbin stands, gesturing for Felix to come closer. Felix obeys, as always, and allows Changbin to wrap an arm around his shoulders.
“I get it,” Changbin reassures him, rubbing a hand along Felix’s upper arm. “We all love you regardless, yeah? And if you want to go public with being fae, we’ll all be behind you.”
“Thank you,” Felix breathes, shoulders relaxing, the magic charged in the words the least of his worries at the moment. Changbin hums, accepting the words, and Felix wonders if he knows what those words mean to a fae. If he understands why Felix works his way around gratitude and apologies with strangers but lets the words run rampant with the group. It’ll be something to explain, later, but for now Felix is content to exist with Changbin and let his nerves settle down.
Once he’s calm, Changbin asks about his wings, and Felix is more than happy to show them, grinning at the awe on the rapper’s face as he takes in the sight of Felix’s wings. Where Tzuyu’s wings are shades of blue with silver swirling designs, Felix’s are shades of gold and orange, like a fire, like the sun. It always amuses him when he’s called sunshine, the word horrendously close to the truth when it comes to his wings. And the awed reactions are always nice, the appreciation for the wings he’s had to hide for so long. They ache less, now, allowed free around almost all of the members of the band. Just two left, Felix reminds himself as he answers Changbin’s questions, a relaxed and content feeling falling over him.
Just two left.
While Chan scares him the most, Minho is a close second. He’s the second eldest of the group, more responsible, the one Chan turns to when necessary. He keeps the others in line when he’s not joining in on the antics, slightly more serious than the rest of the boys, taking care of them as best he can. Always worrying about them. Felix isn’t quite sure how to predict his reaction, which leads to a lot of pacing and shaking out his hands, occasionally pressing two fingers to his pulse point in an old habit. He knows Minho probably won’t care too much, take it in stride and keep going, but Felix is anxious regardless. It’s not easy to just simply hand over a piece of himself that he’s hidden for so long, no matter how many times it happens. No matter how kind everyone is.
“Lix-ah? Are you ready to head out? The car should be here soon,” Minho’s voice comes from down the hall, footsteps approaching, and Felix debates for half a second before he yanks the door of his room open, startling Minho who was just reaching for the handle, and he looks at the other and doesn’t think twice.
“I’m a faerie,” Felix says, his voice somehow steady. Minho stares back for a moment, face blank as he processes, before he nods.
“That explains all the glitter in the bathrooms on days we didn’t have performances or photo shoots,” he replies, and Felix laughs, equal parts relieved and taken off-guard. “That would be faerie dust though, wouldn’t it? Just clean it up, Lix-ah, seriously.”
“I always thought I did,” Felix defends himself, and Minho’s expression cracks into a small smile. “I’ll be more careful, hyung.”
“Good. Now, seriously, the car should be here soon. Does everyone know?” Minho lifts an eyebrow with the question, and Felix falters.
“Everyone but Chan-hyung,” he admits, a small flush coating his cheeks as Minho continues to stare. “I’ll tell him soon, though! I was just… nervous. About telling everyone, really. But everyone’s taken it well.”
“Good,” Minho says with a quick nod. “I’m glad it’s going over well. You’re still our Lixie, yeah? That doesn’t change if you’re magical.”
“Oh,” Felix replies, eyes watering slightly. “Thank you, hyung. That means a lot.”
“It’s the truth,” Minho says, simple and to the point. “Now, we have a schedule to get to, Lix-ah, let’s go.”
Felix nods, following behind Minho as he walks, eyes darting to Chan when they meet up with the rest of the group outside the dorm building. He’s the last one left, and Felix knows that conversation will be the roughest one. Maybe not in content, but emotionally. Felix is petrified of what could happen, unsure of how the future will be. He knows the boys would be on his side, and Twice, and JYP whenever he gets around to talking to the CEO, but still. His nerves are always on high alert around Chan, no matter the interaction, and giving up sensitive information will only make it a thousand times worse.
Felix chooses to speak to Chan when the leader is in his studio. It’s the easiest place to find him alone, to make sure nobody would disturb the conversation. Everyone in the company knows that if Chan’s door is locked and closed, the list of people allowed to bother him is short. Felix is one of the chosen few, and he’s definitely bragged about it before, but now it comes to his advantage in order to speak with Chan alone. He hates to interrupt the other Australian if he’s working on something important, but this is also something important, so Felix just hopes that Chan’s in a forgiving mood. He nearly always is, when it comes to Felix, a fact that Felix desperately tries not to read too deeply into for the sake of his own sanity and mental health.
He has to do that a lot. Not read too deeply into what Chan says to or about him. Being referred to as a “soulmate” makes his heart do complicated things in his chest every time. But this time isn’t about Felix’s admittedly embarrassingly obvious crush on Chan; it’s about Felix being fae. The future of Stray Kids. Felix’s future.
Tzuyu and Jihyo are nothing but supportive, as is the rest of the supernatural support group chat. Felix admits more of his anxieties to Tzuyu, the one who can really understand as a fellow fae, and she is gentle and kind about it, reminding him that Chan adores him so much that even a blind man could see it. Felix flushes a furious red and does his best to ignore her implications made through various stickers sent into their personal chat.
Felix debates the morality of sending Tzuyu a middle finger emoji as he lingers in front of Chan’s studio, squinting at his meme folder on his phone and debating which one wouldn’t be overly offensive, when the door swings open to reveal Chan, who seems equally as surprised to see Felix as Felix is to see the door open at 6 in the evening on a work day.
Felix clicks his phone off and shoves it into his pocket, Tzuyu briefly spared from the middle finger meme. Chan tilts his head, confusion clear on his face.
“Lixie? What are you doing outside my studio?” He asks, and Felix bites at the inside of his cheek for a moment before just going for it.
“I wanted to talk to you,” Felix says, praying his voice remains steady. “Preferably in private — are Jisung-hyung and Changbin-hyung here as well?”
“No, just me,” Chan confirms, pausing before stepping aside to let Felix into the studio. “I was going to grab something from the vending machine. Do you want anything before we chat?”
“No, I’m okay,” Felix replies as he steps inside, flashing Chan a smile. It isn’t a lie — he’s too nauseous to be hungry. Chan nods and turns down the hall, leaving Felix by himself for a moment in the leader’s studio. A sense of dread falls on Felix’s shoulders, and he sits down on the couch of the studio, wings shuddering in their bindings, annoyed at being held back. He’s been doing it less and less lately, able to have them out geeky almost non-stop in the dorms and during practices with the other dance line members. He forces them to stay still, mentally reminding himself that it won’t be much longer until he never has to bind them back again, to focus on that. On things going well.
Chan returns after only a few short minutes of Felix talking himself through deep breathing exercises, the studio door closing and locking with a solid click behind the leader. Felix watches as Chan sets down the drink and snacks he’d grabbed before sitting down in his producing chair, spinning to face Felix, worry clear on his face. He speaks in English, a small relief that Felix will take, the familiar Aussie accent washing over him and relaxing him.
“What’s up? Is everything okay?” Chan asks, and Felix hesitates before nodding. Everything is okay, technically, and nodding doesn’t count as lying aloud. Felix feels anything but okay, though, so he avoids the question.
“I just have something to tell you,” Felix explains, also defaulting to speaking English, something common when he and Chan are alone. No pressure of honorifics or stumbling over anything at random; just instinct and familiar accents. “And it’s something I probably should have told you a long time ago, for a lot of reasons. Because it might impact our future, and it’s something important about me that I’ve been hiding for a while now, and I didn’t mean to hide it for so long but it was easier than coming clean and I was terrified of being kicked out of the company, or the group.”
“That would never happen,” Chan reassures Felix, a pinched expression on his face. “Never. I mean what I’ve told you, sunshine, I’ll fight to keep you in this group because I need you. We- we need you.”
Felix doesn’t let himself think too hard about how the we felt like a backtrack to cover something Chan shouldn’t have said outright, nodding at the leader’s words.
“I know, Chris. Logically, I always knew that. I was still scared, because JYP could have overruled you and removed me, and I don’t think I could’ve handled that. But this- this could change everything, and it’s kind of terrifying, but I need to just, well, come out with it.” Felix takes a deep breath, then another, calming himself down. Chan rolls his chair closer, reaching out and grabbing Felix’s hands, soothing as he runs his thumb over Felix’s knuckles.
“Hey, it’s okay,” Chan says softly, and Felix meets his eyes. Sees no level of deceit, not a single lie. Just blatant concern, traces of affection. Emotions so heavy that Felix feels winded and it isn’t even his emotions that he’s looking at. “It’s okay. I promise, Lixie. Because, well… same here.”
Felix’s eyebrows furrow for a moment. Huh?
“You’re fae, too?” He asks, confusion laced through his tone, and Chan blinks.
“What? No, I’m gay. What do you mean, fae? Like, a faerie? Like Tzuyu?” Chan looks just as baffled as Felix feels, and a moment passes, and Felix thinks back over how he worded the build-up to what he wanted to say, and… oh, yeah. That sounds a lot like a ‘coming out as queer’ sort of speech.
“Yeah,” Felix replies, and his cheeks begin to burn again as he realizes the mutual misunderstandings, and he and Chan both process the things that have been said. “I mean, I’m bi too, but I was just talking about the fact that I’m fae.”
“Oh.” Chan looks both dazed and elated, and Felix has no idea what to make of that just yet. “Well. Shit. Um.”
Chan being at a loss for words is a horribly endearing sight, Felix decides. He keeps blinking, red decorating his cheeks, mouth opening for a moment before closing again. They’re both staring at each other, shocked into silence, and then a small giggle bubbles up out of Felix’s throat, and he can’t stop it, and then he’s laughing and Chan looks surprised and then he’s laughing and the overall bizarre nature of this entire conversation has them both dying of laughter, awkwardness dispelling into the air as it’s chased away by their mutual laughs.
“That was not what I was expecting you to say,” Chan defends himself weakly. “You get how that sounded like a queer sort of coming out speech, right?”
“Yeah,” Felix confirms, wiping the tears that gathered in the corners of his eyes away and taking a deep breath to reorient himself. “Yeah. Sorry. I am queer, that just wasn't what I needed to tell you. I’ve kind of got wings and fangs and pointy ears.”
“Oh,” Chan says, thoughtful as he tilts his head. “Did you want to tell the fans?”
“You’re okay with it?” Felix asks, shock coloring his voice. “Just like that?”
“Well, yeah,” Chan replies with a shrug. “You’re still our Felix, our sunshine. Doesn’t matter if you like boys and girls or if you have wings. You’re still you. And no matter what, I— uh, we. We love you for it.”
The slip again, from I to we. It’s harder to ignore a second time, but Felix does his best, even if it sets a storm of butterflies loose in his chest.
“Oh.” Felix blinks a couple times to fight back the tears, a small smile spreading across his face, mirrored by Chan’s expression. His face is open and kind, cheeks dusted pink, and Felix can predict the question before it’s asked.
“Would you be okay, uh… showing me your wings?” Chan asks, curious, and Felix only hesitates for a couple seconds before nodding, pulling his hands out of Chan’s grip and removing his hoodie. He’s wearing a specially cut shirt, but his wings are still bound back - still, it only takes a few moments to free them, movements quick and precise from years and years of binding his wings back. They unfurl slowly, glittering in the low light of Chan’s studio, and when Felix looks towards Chan, he sees nothing but sheer awe and admiration in the leader’s expression. Felix can’t help the flush on his face as Chan stares, and stares.
“Do you want to touch them?” Felix asks after a moment, and Chan’s eyes snap to his face, surprised.
“Huh? Aren’t they very delicate?” Chan asks, eyebrows furrowing, and Felix laughs softly, rolling his eyes.
“Nope. They’re meant to carry my weight, they won’t break that easily,” Felix explains. He shoves one of his wings towards Chan, the motion easy even though he’s kept his wings hidden for so long, and Chan looks startled before slowly lifting a hand, running two fingers gently along the top of Felix’s wing. He can’t help the shudder that goes down his spine, the soft golden glow that emits from his wing wherever Chan touches.
“They glow?” Chan asks in surprise, eyes wide, and Felix nods.
“Yeah, they can. They usually don’t, but…” He shrugs, letting the sentence trail off and the implications linger.
But you’re special, he wants to scream, to shove his emotions in Chan’s face, to figure out why Chan has to constantly correct himself from using I to using we. Felix burns with wanting to know, with wanting to tell, but he knows he can’t.
“But what?” Chan asks, innocently curious, and Felix swears that this man is just bad for his heart. He weighs his options for a moment before he sighs - he’s already given so much today, what’s a little bit more?
“But you’re special,” Felix admits, the words lingering in the air between them.
“I am?” Chan’s eyes widen some, and Felix caves. Admits defeat. What more can he risk, today? He’s already laid it all out on the table, he might as well keep going.
“You are,” Felix breathes. “You always have been.”
“Oh.” Chan looks surprised, for a moment, before the expression melts into fondness and delight. “You’re special, too. Very much so.”
Felix buffers for a moment. Surely Chan doesn’t mean it in the same way. There’s no way.
“Huh?” Felix stammers out, trying to give Chan an out, a way to deflect or to backtrack.
“You’re special, Lixie,” Chan reiterates, and Felix thinks that perhaps he’s died and ascended. “I’ve said it before, you’re my soulmate. You’re always pretty, and your wings are breathtaking. You’re glowing, sunshine. Truly.”
“You better not be fucking with me, Chris,” Felix warns, already feeling his emotions bubbling in his chest. But Chan just shakes his head, moving his hand away from Felix’s wing and he can only mourn the loss for a moment before Chan’s hand is cupping his cheek, gentle, faerie dust brushing across Felix’s skin.
“Never,” Chan promises, and Felix’s shocked laugh is strangled and teary and Chan looks confused and worried for a moment and then he doesn’t look much like anything because Felix has yanked him forwards and slammed his eyes shut, pressing his lips against Chan’s and praying he didn’t read anything wrong. Chan reciprocates in an instant, magic blooms in Felix’s chest, he knows his glamour has dropped but he doesn’t care, focusing on the emotion and Chan and the delighted flutter of his wings. When he breaks away, breathing hard from lack of air, Chan’s cheeks are flushed and Felix knows that his own are no better.
“Well, I can't say I expected that from today,” Chan admits between panting breaths, and Felix just laughs, leaning his forehead against Chan’s.
“Me neither,” Felix agrees. “Can’t say I’m mad about it though.”
Chan hums his agreement, and Felix pulls on his shirt until the leader moves from his chair onto the couch and allows Felix to hug him. It’s more like Felix laying down on top of him, and Chan using Felix as a personal weighted blanket with wings spread out on either side of them, but technicalities.
“How do you want to tell the fans about your lineage?” Chan asks after a long period of silence, both of them content to hold each other on the couch and let the time pass, and Felix hums at the question before lifting his head, a determined spark in his eye.
“Can we get JYP to approve a live? I have an idea.”
JYP is more than willing to cooperate, when Chan and Felix show up unannounced in his office and drop a veritable bombshell onto his desk. He takes it in stride, approves the live, and gives Felix his kind words of encouragement. Felix thanks him, smile radiant, finally freed from the last of his fears. Chan’s already sending a message to the group, and the live is scheduled for two days from then. The time passes quickly with preparations, and before long, Stray Kids are shuffling into an empty practice room and setting up the necessary components to host the live, putting in as much effort as they can despite it only being a few minutes.
Felix stares at the camera, nerves shaking through his hands. He glances off to the side of the frame, where his friends and boyfriend (boyfriend!) are watching, all of them wearing encouraging smiles. Felix smiles back, looks back to the camera, and takes a deep breath, then hits the button to go live.
“Hello, Stays! Today is a little bit different of a live,” Felix begins, watching as the chat zooms by at lightning speed. He catches lots of hearts and chick emojis, but not much else. A small smile stretches on his face as dozens of people ask if he’s okay, what’s going on. Felix reassures them, saying that nothing is wrong.
“I have something special to show you,” Felix elaborates, and the chat picks up speed again, questions about solo songs and dance numbers. He ignores them as best he can, glancing over at the rest of the band before reaching for his jacket. It slides off his shoulders with ease, and his wings unfurl from his back, proud before the camera. Felix eyes himself in the video, watching as his wings shift and catch the light, a multitude of yellows and oranges reflecting off his wings. The chat slows down before exploding again, excitement and shock, and Felix smiles, a bit more nervous.
“Yes, yes, I’m fae. Just like Tzuyu-noona,” Felix confirms, nodding at one of the many chat messages. “She and Jihyo-noona helped me get more comfortable with the idea of telling people, actually, many thanks to them for that… but yeah. I’m fae. I don’t want to explain why I hid it, but with all the positive legislation with supernatural species being passed and people becoming more accepting, I thought I’d step forwards as well.”
Felix steps back from the camera a bit, spreading his arms along with his wings, showing them off.
“So, yeah. This is me. Lee Felix, member of Stray Kids. Faerie. Thank you for your support, and I look forward to creating more music for you.”
He bows, before moving up to end the live, hands shaking as he does so. The second the camera is off, he’s tackled in a hug by Chan, and he laughs as his boyfriend quite literally sweeps him off his feet in a hug. The rest of the boys join in the hug, a group hug in the middle of the dance practice room, shouts of pride and encouragement ringing through the air. Felix smiles, sinks into the group hug, and breathes.
Being a supernatural creature within the idol industry is no easy feat. But, with the help of his best friends, support group chat, and his now-boyfriend, Felix is rather certain that he’s more than ready to handle it.