Chapter Text
Love Me ‘til the sun shines
Chapter One
Dave Davies awoke, it was Thursday morning, and the sun was shining through the bedroom window of his small London flat. He was not happy. Mick Avory had been in his dreams yet again. Mick Avory, the young man he had met just three days ago, but Dave could not remove him from his thoughts. Dave sighed. What could he do? The situation was hopeless. Dave glanced at the clock and saw it was after nine.
He decided to stay in bed a little longer to think things over. Dave sighed once again, and pulled the covers over his head. Part of him hated himself for the attraction he was feeling for another man. These feelings were robbing him of his masculinity. Another part of him did not want to let these feelings go, as he was sure he had never felt this way before about anyone in his life.
To Dave, Mick was positively the most beautiful thing that had ever existed. How could he ever stop thinking about him?
Dave often wondered what it would be like to fall in love for the first time. Only Dave never thought the person he would feel something special for would be another man. How could this be? He had always had girlfriends right through school, he always assumed that one day he would get married and have children. Why did he feel this way now? How could a person he had only seen once and did not even know bewitch him so suddenly, and completely?
His brother Ray had introduced him to Mick, who had been chosen to play the drums for their band, The Ravens, which brought about another problem. They were not entirely happy with the name of the band, but it seemed to Dave that it was too late trying to come up with a better one, as it proved to be tricky.
Another thing that irritated Dave was the fact that Ray and Pete had selected a drummer without involving him.
Once again, because he was just sixteen, and the rest of the band members were older than him, he had been pushed out, and they had made the decision without asking him.
His many problems, the band, his brother, his life in general and they were really getting him down. Dave knew he would see Mick again today for band practice, and what were the chances of Mick returning his feelings? A man with Mick’s beauty was bound to have women all over him, Mick was also three years older than Dave, Mick was nineteen, almost a grown man, whereas Dave was still a boy. As Dave lay in his bed, he recalled what had happened that Monday afternoon three days ago when Ray had called him on the phone to let him know they had selected a new drummer.
Flashback
Dave was not happy at all that he had not been consulted first, but, of course, he had to meet the new guy.
It did not help that Dave had just broken up with another girlfriend, because for weeks they had done nothing but argue, and Dave had grown tired of it, but he didn't care about that; there were plenty more fish in the sea, and Dave made up his mind that he was going to find himself a new bird before the week was out.
Dave was very sure of himself too, as he had always had the talent for pulling, and knew it would not be a problem for him. Dave got dressed in his best clothes then made his way to the cafe in Muswell Hill, which was where he and Ray had grown up and where Ray was still living at this point. The cafe was where they had arranged to meet with the drummer. Dave also decided to give Ray a piece of his mind for not consulting him about hiring new band members.
When Dave arrived at the cafe, he wasted no time telling Ray exactly how he felt about the whole idea of being excluded from major band decisions. Dave became more annoyed by the quiet and relaxed attitude of his older brother, who simply said, "Dave, calm down, he was the only one who showed up, and he's magnificent, that's why we hired him straight away."
Pete, who had showed and was sitting quietly, finally spoke up, "Yeah and he's really nice, you'll like him."
Dave, however, did not care how nice the drummer was, but he did care about making sure he would always be included in band business matters. Being the best looking member of the group, Dave wanted to ensure it stayed that way. "Well as long as he's not better looking than me!" He whispered aggressively.
Ray and Pete looked at each other in disbelief at how childish Dave could sometimes be, and told him to come inside, as their new drummer was waiting to meet him. Dave followed behind them still sulking about not being consulted about the drummer, and not really caring about meeting him at all, or even talking to him. Dave then looked around at the people in the cafe, and was just getting ready to go over and talk to a girl he saw and liked the way she looked, when Ray patted him on the shoulder, and pointed out the young man to him.
Not really wanting to know, Dave grudgingly looked up and…..suddenly Dave's whole world, and his entire life changed in a heartbeat, never to be the same again!
The young man before his eyes was so beautiful, about his own height, and had such a lovely face that Dave could not believe what he was seeing!
Dark brown hair, beautiful lips, enchanting green eyes!
Dave stood there unable to move; he was almost hypnotised on the spot, as if what he was seeing was not really there, this beautiful creature could not possibly be human, could he be an angel? It almost seemed to Dave as if this gorgeous young man was wasted as a drummer.
Ray got Dave out of the trance he was in, by pushing him along and telling him to stop daydreaming!
Dave would generally have kicked off and when he felt Ray was talking down to him, but this time he was far too distracted. Dave felt weak at the knees as he approached this beautiful young man. Ray said to Dave, "Dave, this is Mick, he's going to be our drummer, Mick this is my brother Dave."
Mick smiled shyly at Dave, who noticed what a kind face he had. Mick offered Dave his hand saying, "Hello Dave, nice to meet you."
Dave was unable to speak, he was so mesmerised by Mick, that he wondered there and then if he had ever truly known what real beauty was. All Dave could do was take Mick's hand to shake it and feel it's warmth; he had never had a feeling quite like this.
Attempting to get into a conversation with Mick as they sat at the table with their drinks, Dave finally brought himself to speak to Mick, and asked, "So er… picking... a question totally at random, have you got a girlfriend?"
The words did not come out very well, because of his heart beating faster than it normally did, and the feeling of butterflies in his tummy as he eyed this beautiful, shy looking young man with awe and fascination.
Mick looked away shyly and said, "Er… no… no I haven't, not anymore."
It was very hard for Dave to say very much else to Mick after that, because Ray and Pete came over to join them and took over the conversation. This was fine by Dave, as he felt so strange, unable to work out exactly why he was feeling for a complete stranger the way he did.
Dave spent the rest of their meeting in silence, listening to the other two getting to know Mick, and vice versa.
He also spent his time looking at Mick when he had the chance, he could not help it.
End Flashback
As Dave lay in bed, he was lost in thought about the life changing events those three days ago.
It was no good just lying in bed all day, and he decided that he ought to get up.
Dave slowly climbed out of bed and headed for the bathroom, he needed a shower.
The warm water ran down him, over his dark, wavy and fairly long hair that he had stubbornly told his mother he was growing; if long hair was what was in fashion these days, so be it.
When his hair and his whole body was wet with the warm water, Dave reached for a bar of soap which he loved the smell of; a scent that made him think of clean linen and fresh flowers. He wet the soap and began smoothing the soap all over himself, until he was covered and the fragrance even sweeter, it was a fragrance that reminded him very much of Mick's beautiful scent, he had noticed this as they had sat together on that day.
Oh, how Dave longed to see him again!
He thought of beautiful Mick as the water gushed over his hair, his face and his body.
It was then that Dave did something he had never done before, he leaned against the wall, his right hand made its way to his semi-hard penis. He thought of Mick and began to pleasure himself. Dave closed his eyes, and imagined beautiful Mick was there in the shower with him. Mick’s alluring, jade-green eyes looking into his own pale blue ones. Dave could almost feel that Mick was there, touching him, kissing him all over. He thought of Mick getting down to his knees, his beautiful mouth opening, his tongue touching the tip of Dave's hard cock, and then he imagined his cock going further into Mick's mouth. Mick moving his hands over Dave's hips, Dave holding Mick's head. He could almost feel Mick's beautiful tongue exploring his cock, and he could almost feel his cock right at the back of Mick's mouth, almost going down his throat.
The pleasure became more and more intense, and Dave could hardly fathom that unbelievable, indescribable, euphoric sensation that was going through his body, clouding his thinking.
Dave could think of nothing other than how good these thoughts and feelings were, he really should jerk off more often! It was causing his hand to ache, but he could hardly think about this small detail, as what he was doing to himself, and what he was thinking felt so incredible!
Dave kept his eyes closed, and he could still envisage that image of Mick, he conceptualized his cock still being in Mick's mouth, and Mick's delicate, gentle hands feeling around his buttocks, caressing his legs and hips!
"Oh....oh fuck...Mick," he found himself saying!
The pleasure of this activity distracted Dave from these crazy thoughts that were going through his mind. These crazy feelings he had only begun to experience three days ago when he had met Mick, but these feelings were disturbing and confusing him, so what he was doing in the shower gave him a good feeling, if only physically. Dave's eyes never opened, as he still held onto that beautiful image of Mick in his mind, he thought of all that he longed to do to Mick and all the things he longed for Mick to do to him as he ejaculated!
Dave had never believed any of the boys at school when they had told him how good it felt, but then he had never actually known anyone worth doing it over, never saw the appeal of pleasuring himself, until now.
Dave slumped into a heap with the water still flowing over him, he caught his breath again and murmured, "Oh Mick...Mick, what have you done to me?"
Dave almost honestly believed that Mick Avory had put a spell on him to make him feel this way about him, he really had no idea whether or not to be angry about it, so many mixed feelings went round and round in his mind and had done since Dave met him.
Dave pulled himself up, climbed out of the shower and dried himself off with a towel. He wrapped another towel around his waist, then applied some deodorant.
Still in just a towel, Dave made his way to the kitchen and filled the kettle with water. He placed it on the stove to boil. He was going to make himself a coffee as he did every morning. As the kettle was boiling, he leaned on the kitchen cupboard, sighed and covered his face with his hands.
Wanking in the shower was all well and good, but that pleasurable, personal activity that lasted a mere few minutes would not change anything!
Feeling like this about another man had grave consequences if it got out. He could go to prison or be forced to have treatment, and he did not fancy either of those cruel punishments. Dave began to cry, he was in despair and thoroughly ashamed of himself.
He cried as he thought of family disowning him. What would happen if Mick did not feel the same way? What would Mick do? What would he say? Even though Mick had seemed such a pleasant and mild-mannered young man, and Dave could not imagine that he would have a nasty bone in his body, unlike himself who could be spoilt, bad-tempered and constantly inclined to clash with Ray.
Why he and his brother were in a band together, he did not know - it always seemed that their sibling rivalry had brought them together, that and their mother's insistence that Ray allowed Dave to be in the band.
Dave's sobbing was interrupted by a loud whistling sound, it was the sound of the kettle as the water had finished boiling.
Dave wiped the remaining tears from his face, and turned off the cooker. As he made his cup of coffee and sat drinking it on the living room sofa, he began to think to himself;
Come on Dave, pull yourself together, you're a man! These feelings are just temporary, and you're just going through a funny phase that's all. It's because none of your girlfriends have ever worked out, you just need to find the right one, that is all!
Dave thought all of this, but he thought it with a lot of doubts. Mick had never gone from his mind once since he met him, and it was driving him crazy! Sure he had been with more girls than he could remember, and he had certainly enjoyed their company in more ways than one. However, Dave was fairly sure he had never felt this way about any of them.
What he was feeling for Mick was something very different.
Dave finished his coffee, and realised he was hungry. He needed some breakfast, playing in a band took a surprising amount of energy.
He knew he would need to keep up his strength, though he did not know how he was going to play his guitar with Mick there! Dave knew Mick was going to be a distraction, but starving himself would not help matters at all.
Dave made his way back to the kitchen, placed his empty mug in the sink and put two slices of white bread under the grill, he fancied some toast rather than cornflakes that morning. Now, what would he have on his toast? Butter of course. He found the butter and looked in his kitchen cupboard and got out some marmalade, as well as noticing that his cabinet needed replenishing.
Dave decided he had to go to the shop for more food, as well as taking his clothes to the launderette.
His stomach rumbled quite loudly, and he was going to enjoy his breakfast, though he was sure if Mick had been there, that he would not have been able to eat anything.
After Dave had eaten, he went to his bedroom to get dressed.
He had no idea what he was going to wear that day, but as he was going to see Mick, he wanted to look nice, even though there was a damn good chance that Mick would not give a flying fuck what he wore. Who was he kidding? Why should he waste his time dressing up nicely for someone he was quite sure would not return these crazy, unwanted feelings? Besides, band practise was not until one o'clock that day, and he had errands to run before then.
Dave just chose a blue jumper and jeans to wear...maybe he would change later for band practice...wear one of his best shirts? Just to make Mick see that he dressed well?
Dave looked at himself in the mirror, shook his head sadly and said to himself, "What's wrong with you?"
He then went to his laundry basket to empty it of all the linen that needed washing. He could be lazy, but never allowed his laundry to pile up as he liked to be sure he had plenty of clean clothes to wear. Dave just managed to fill the bag and tie it up ready for taking out with him.
It was a pleasant, autumn morning, and Dave was normally cheerful if the weather was fine but not today, he was too busy worrying himself to death.
All he could do was wonder what it was that made him feel this way for a total stranger. Could he be losing it? Was there a particular reason? Was it destiny? He knew that only time would tell but for now all he could do was carry on as normal if that was at all possible.
However, Mick was all Dave could think of as he sat waiting for his laundry to be done and all he could think of as he bought more groceries from the shop. He felt he was going out of his mind.
Dave got home later and left his shopping in the kitchen. He went into the bedroom and threw his clean laundry on the bed, deciding put it all away later.
Dave felt he needed to sit down for a little while. He lay on the sofa unsure of what to do with himself next. He still had a little while to go before he had to meet up with the boys.
Sometimes Dave felt lonely living on his own and missed living with his parents.
The flat he was living in used to belong to Ray, who had told him a few months back that Dave could have it, Ray was returning to their hometown, Muswell Hill after finishing at Hornsey College of Arts. Dave wanted to be nearer the college he was attending, and he was also doing a part time job in the same town, so he left home so he could learn to look after himself, even though his mother was not happy, as he was not yet seventeen but his father, Frederick Davies had thought it a good idea for Dave to learn to be independent.
From a very early age, all Dave had ever wanted to do was to play guitar, and perform on stage. What if that never happened? What if his feelings for Mick got in the way?
What if these feelings ruined his life?
Dave had that horrible sinking feeling as he knew that today was not going to be a very easy day for him. Playing in a band with his stupid brother and his brother's best mate Pete...Dave liked Pete, but sometimes he felt as though Pete was all for Ray and that they were pushing him out. He had always told himself he was not going to stand for that!
Then Dave thought to himself how Mick had seemed like a really nice guy, maybe he could talk to him today, maybe they could be great friends and then perhaps he would have someone to talk with. If he could get Mick on his side and confide in him about how he felt about this band, then perhaps things would not be quite so bad. Then maybe...then maybe he would fall more and more in love with Mick until he could not cope with being around him anymore...then he would tell Mick how he felt and lose his friendship, Mick would leave the group and if Dave was lucky he would be back where he started. If he were unlucky, Mick would tell Ray and Pete why he was leaving, and they would kick Dave out of the band, they would want nothing more to do with him, others could find out and then what would happen?
Not for the first time that day, Dave found himself crying again, he just could not see how he could ever get these feelings for Mick to go away. He could not help it, he did not ask for this.
Feelings of despair consumed him and all he could do for the rest of the morning was cry. Dave curled up in a ball on the sofa not knowing what to do with himself. Not for the first time that day did he think to himself that his situation was hopeless.
Until he could find a way to get rid of these unwanted feelings and like girls again the way he used to, he would never get back to being Dave.
It was not until half past midday that Dave woke up on the sofa and realised he had cried himself to sleep with worry and anxiety.
He sat up, looked at the clock. "Oh shit!"
Dave hardly had time to change his clothes and make himself more presentable, and he also had a bus to catch to meet Ray, Pete and Mick. Luckily it wasn't a long journey, and the buses were quite frequent.
Dave decided not to bother changing his clothes in the end. What was the point? He grabbed his wallet, some loose change and put on his coat. He then grabbed his keys hanging up in the kitchen and made his way out. He was glad he didn't have a guitar to take as he had left the one he wanted to use at the place they had all arranged to meet. It was the Angel pub in Muswell Hill where Dave, Ray and Pete regularly played their gigs. They had got quite friendly with the owner of the pub, who was very impressed with the Ravens. He had told them they could use the back room for their band practice any time they wanted, it was a large building, and that particular room was not in use and they found the place very suitable for whenever they wanted to practise all their songs. Now that they had a drummer, it would be even better, if only he were not so bewitching.
Dave made his way across the road to the bus stop. He looked at his watch, and it was now quarter to one, he was lucky to have woken up when he did.
It did not take long for the bus which said Muswell Hill on the front to turn up.
As Dave sat on the bus, he leaned his head on the window and sighed. He felt so dejected, and he wondered if maybe seeing Mick would cheer him up, or would it just make him feel worse that the love he had for him would never be fulfilled?
For love it was. He had once asked his eldest sister how he would know when he was in love, and she had answered him that he would 'just know'.
He 'just knew' now that what he felt for Mick was something very deep and strong. Dave thought of his lovely sister who was cruelly taken from them some years back, it had hit the family very hard and their mother had never got over it, none of them had. This terrible loss had inspired Ray to write a song about her, but Ray was reluctant to present it to the boys, he had told them that he found it too painful.
Dave looked at the sky as the bus went along the roads, it had turned grey, a change from this morning, it matched the way he was feeling in his heart; despair, sadness, frustration, paranoia and confusion.
Ray Davies and Pete Quaife were standing outside the pub smoking in between talking and laughing.
They had met with their new drummer, Mick as they had arranged the other day in the cafe, and they had come outside for a smoke as Mick was setting up his drum kit. They were also wondering why Dave was late as normally he was there before them and practising on his guitar.
Pete was the bass player and Ray played mainly acoustic and piano.
Although Pete was almost a couple of years older than Ray, the two got on very well and had formed a close brotherly bond since meeting at art college. Pete was a talented artist as well as a guitar player who was also thinking of being a writer. He also had a job as a barber, Ray and Dave were his regular customers and they always made sure Pete was the one who did their hair.
Ray and Pete both shared a love of music and eventually decided to perform as a duo. Ray was less than happy when his younger brother decided to stick his nose into their friendship and show off his own skills on the guitar to Pete, who was very impressed, but Ray was just jealous and determined that Dave stayed out. There was a lot of trouble about this, especially as Ray and Dave's mother also stuck her nose in and insisted that 'the baby' be allowed to join in too as they would make a great trio.
'The baby' was what Ann Davies had always insisted on calling her youngest son, and it got on Ray's nerves, it was fine when Dave was very little but as he got older she still called him by that name, and it became ridiculous.
Dave was sixteen going on seventeen, so it was about time mum let Dave grow up!
When Dave officially became part of their line-up at Ann's insistence, there became a lot of friction and resentment, as Ray felt he had no control over who was in the band that he had begun himself.
Ray and Dave had always got on each other's nerves growing up but through their teenage years, their relationship had got worse when Dave did something Ray could not forgive. It still hurt when Ray thought about it and sometimes just the sight of Dave's attractive face made Ray want to punch him. Pete, however, was like the brother Ray never had, the brother he should have had.
Pete always found a way to cheer Ray up. They were talking together now as they always did in between practice sessions or waiting for someone as they were waiting for Dave. They were talking about how, since their last meeting, Dave seemed to have changed, "Oh I don't know Pete, ever since we were in that cafe the other day he's been so weird, don't know what's come over him at all."
Pete smiled at his friend, "Well, didn't he say he was going to find himself a new girlfriend before the week was out Ray? Maybe he has, the week isn't out yet, it's only Thursday."
"He doesn't normally act like this, though, not wanting to come out with us or do anything with us, not that I'm bothered about that 'cos he drives me crazy and I'm glad not to have him hanging around us all the time, but it's just so unlike him. All he's wanted to do since Monday is stay in his flat, like...I dunno...like he's depressed or something."
"Are you sure he hasn't just got himself a new bird?" Pete suggested. "He could be busy with her...you know." Pete winked.
Ray looked doubtful, "I think he would've told us I'm quite sure of it, he usually announces who he's going with."
"Well wait and see," Pete said with a disbelieving look. "Don't know why you're so worried though; it's only been a couple of days since we saw him and he could well have something to tell us when he gets here."
"You reckon?" Ray asked looking doubtful.
"Oh come on Ray, everytime Dave's come in to have his hair done he's always told me about his latest girlfriend. He always seemed to have a different one every time I saw him, bet you any money he's got a new one, he may even bring her with him, he has done before."
"Yeah maybe, we'll see," Ray shrugged.
Just a few minutes later, Dave turned up, on his own. So Pete was wrong; there was no girl with him.
"Where've you been?" Ray asked him.
"I'm sorry, but I fell asleep on the sofa," Dave answered. "When I woke up it was half twelve, just one of them days that's all."
Dave did not stop to talk to them; the last thing he felt like doing was talking to Ray, who he felt should mind his own business. He could see no reason at all why he should have to explain himself to his brother.
Dave simply barged between them both and went inside.
Pete noticed that Dave did not look happy and was worried; he wondered if something bad had happened.
"Hope your brother's alright," he said to Ray looking concerned. Even Ray looked concerned, which he never did about Dave.
Dave walked into the pub, through the corridor, and past the bar. He looked up briefly to smile and nod at the barman who had just said hello to him. Dave did not feel like stopping to talk to anyone that day as he usually did. Normally he was looking around for pretty girls to chat up, but now he was beginning to suspect that habit would be a thing of the past, unless these feelings for Mick were to stop.
Dave made his way through the lounge bar, where four people were sitting there quietly with drinks; it was clearly not very busy today.
Dave decided he just wanted to get to his guitar and practise on a few songs they were going to be playing tomorrow and Saturday night. He decided he might as well carry on with what he always did, as there did not seem to be anything else he could do at present.
As Dave made his way into the back room where he always practised with Ray and Pete, he saw the two amplifiers that had been left there last time and Pete's bass that had been left on its stand. Ray had left his acoustic precariously on a chair for anyone to knock off as they walked past it. Stupid twat, Dave thought.
Dave found his own guitar that was packed away safely in its case and began to open it when a gentle voice behind him said, "Hi there Dave."
Dave's heart skipped a beat as he realised who it was. He stopped what he was doing and turned around, beautiful Mick was there smiling.
Dave tried to say hello back but when he opened his mouth, nothing came out; Mick looked even more beautiful than the last time they had met.
Dave must have seemed strange reacting the way he was, because Mick's beautiful smile turned into a look of concern for Dave.
"Are you okay?" Mick asked him.
Dave still could not say a word, and he looked at Mick's dark, treacle-brown hair that had a small fringe which Dave thought really suited him. Mick's eyes were emerald green that Dave found very bewitching, and his lips, full, just the right shade of pink. Dave wanted to kiss him right there and then and it took all of his willpower not to do so. Dave's heart was beating like a drum, he could feel it, he could hear it, his stomach was so fluttery just as it was the other day only this time, it seemed so much more intense, Dave also felt himself going weak at the knees once again.
He again tried to speak, all he managed was a low, "Yeah I'm all right."
Mick smiled at him again, "We, er...did not get to talk much did we on Monday, you know with your brother and Pete doing all the talking. I would have liked it if you and I could have got to know each other a little...well, there's still time of course."
Dave still could not speak as he did not know what to say to Mick, all he could manage was a nod, and he tried to shut his feelings out and concentrate instead on tuning his guitar. Mick, however, seemed to have other ideas.
"I don't bite you know, take it easy."
How could Dave take it easy feeling the way he did about Mick and having to be around him? However, he knew he would not be able to tell anyone about his feelings as he did not trust anyone.
He had yet to see Mick's skill on the drums. Perhaps he would enjoy working with him.
Dave finally brought himself to talk to Mick when he pulled himself together and thought to himself that Mick really did seem very nice, "So er...I haven't even seen you play the drums yet, why don't you show me what you can do?" His voice sounded very shaky when he spoke, and he was quite sure Mick must have noticed it. However, Mick said nothing about it and replied, "Yes of course if you really want me to demonstrate to you."
Dave nodded, "Y...yes...umm...let's see you do a drum solo."
Mick smiled and nodded, "Sure."
Dave watched as Mick sat down at his drum kit, picked up his drumsticks and proceeded to show Dave what he could do.
Dave was impressed by Mick’s talent, but was thinking much more of how sexy he looked behind the drums. When Mick had finished demonstrating, Dave smiled and said,"Well done."
Mick replied, "Thank you," with a beautiful smile which made Dave love him even more.
Perhaps it would not be quite so bad working with him once he got to know him, and perhaps they could be friends, if only Dave could stop wanting something more.
Dave relaxed just a little and asked if they could jam together, Mick agreed.
They chose a famous song that they both knew, rather than one written by Ray, whose songs Mick had not yet heard.
For about twenty minutes, they played this song together, which would have been so nice if Dave did not keep making mistakes, but Mick was such a distraction.
It was not long before Ray and Pete came in to join them.
It was the first time Mick had done anything with them, and Dave noticed that he seemed quite nervous. However, he was glad to see that Ray and Pete were being really supportive of Mick and telling him how well he was doing.
The only thing that got Dave through band practice was not looking round at Mick, keeping his back to him and pretending they had a different drummer entirely, one who was ordinary in looks, and not so beautiful and bewitching.
Dave did his utmost to concentrate on playing his guitar. Trouble was it had been hard enough to stop thinking about Mick when he was not there, so Mick actually being right behind him made it even more of a challenge not to think about him, and sadly it meant that Dave made more mistakes during that session. Ray lost patience when Dave made one too many errors, and he turned to him saying, "What's wrong with you today Dave are you unwell? Do you don't want to go home and rest?"
"NO, RAY I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE!" Dave snapped, "I'm going to get this thing right if it takes me all day now let's just...carry on from where we were, I'll get it right eventually it's just...I dunno...a bad day for me I think!"
"Is it because you've broken up with..."
"No, it's FUCKING NOT...I couldn't care less about her!"
"Yeah, right cos you said there's plenty more fish in the sea and that you're gonna find yourself a new girlfriend before the week's out! Well, guess what Dave, it's Thursday now, so you're running out of time."
Ray had not really meant to wind Dave up by stating these words, but Dave blew his top at his older brother, "JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP AND MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS ALRIGHT!"
It was then that Pete decided to play peacemaker, as he always did when the two brothers started arguing, "Hey come on Dave, calm down yeah!"
"Well, he's pissing me off!"
"Alright Dave, I'm sorry," Ray apologised. "I shouldn't have said that okay, but I'm worried about you, you just don't see yourself. I know you're bad tempered at times, but you're never normally as bad as this, and you never make this many mistakes."
"And also, when you do make a mistake, you normally laugh it off and start again but today..." Pete began.
Pete never got to finish what he was going to say, because that was when Dave made an angry noise and removed his guitar from around his neck. He put it down on the floor and stormed out of the room. They had been there practising non-stop for about three hours, and Dave had had enough, he needed a break. Another thing Dave realised was, it had been hours since he had a smoke, and that was not helping his mood. Yes, he had started smoking the previous year, and now he needed at least ten a day.
It was a relief for Dave to get out into the fresh air; it was just what he needed.
Dave sighed, leaned against the wall and lit a cigarette, took a deep drag and exhaled, this seemed to calm him down a lot, he should have had a smoke with Ray and Pete before they started their music, as it might have helped a little.
So much had changed in almost a week, and every plan Dave had made seemed to have been changed, and all because he had set eyes on Mick Avory.
As Dave was smoking, he decided he had some major decisions to make; was he going to stay in this band? If he did stay, should he insist that Mick left? Find an excuse to kick him out? Perhaps he could do something really horrible, maybe tell a lie about him.
Whatever the future for the Ravens, things could not go on like this. Dave looked out into the street, and he noticed the sky was changing colour, turning red, the sun was soon to set. It was October, so of course it would be getting dark earlier. He saw autumn leaves blowing in the gentle breeze, and he heard the sound of a car horn some yards away, he heard all the usual sounds that were typical in Muswell Hill, his hometown.
Dave felt a little calmer now, perhaps if he could try again maybe he could learn to work with Mick.
He had many mixed feelings, anger because he did not want to feel this way about another man, sadness because Mick would probably not return his love. He also felt resentment, and he resented Mick for coming into his life and bewitching him. Then he began to feel as if he could not live without Mick, so if he were to leave it would break his heart.
His train of thought was interrupted, "Are you okay?"
Dave looked up, it was Mick. He felt touched that this beautiful young man had come out to see if he was alright.
Dave sighed and shook his head, "No...not really, my head's all over the place."
"Yes, so I thought," Mick said with a gentle smile. "What's wrong?"
Dave did not really wish to answer that question honestly.
He shrugged, "Don't know," he replied. "Just...everything...my brother, this group, my whole life, I just don't know what I want any more."
Mick put his hand on Dave's arm, "Sometimes we all feel like that, like we don't know what we want out of life."
Dave looked at Mick, his beautiful eyes, his beautiful lips that he longed to kiss. He wanted to taste Mick's mouth, he longed to touch him, to hold him.
Dave then said, "I was always sure of things before, always knew what I wanted, at least I thought I did until..." Dave trailed off, and he knew it would not be a good idea to say the rest.
Mick then said to him, "Look, Dave, you and I don't know each other at all, but thing is we are going to be seeing each other quite a bit, working together too. I want us to get on, get to know each other. It's almost as if...it just feels as if you don't like me...like you would rather I wasn't here and...I don't like it...I was in this other band and...one of them just wasn't very kind to me at all and...I don't think I could face that again, feeling unwanted I mean."
Dave wanted to tell Mick exactly how he felt but how could he? Of course he did not want Mick to feel unwelcome as he knew what that was like, he often felt that Ray did not really want him there.
There was no way out of this, he had to say something to make Mick feel a little better, "Oh Mick, I'm sorry I would never want you to feel like that because I know how that feels. The problem isn't really with you..." Dave stopped talking then as he knew that what he had just said was a lie. He did not know how to finish what he was going to say, he noticed that Mick now looked somber.
Mick answered him, "It was just the way you were when we met the other day...you...you seemed very off...like...like you didn't want to be there at all. As if...when you spoke to me you sounded...I don't know...as if you didn't like me for some reason, but you were trying your best to be polite."
Of course this was not true at all, looking at Mick and having listened to what he had just said made Dave feel morose, of course he liked Mick, he just liked him more than he should. Dave tried to think of the best way to answer him.
Before he could answer however, Mick continued to speak, "Dave before you came here today, your brother said that you were in a sulk about not being there when he and Pete hired me as the drummer...you don't hate me because of that do you?"
"No," was all Dave could say.
"Then will you please just tell me," Mick begged him, "I thought we were going to get on together after all...you know I really enjoyed that jamming session earlier when it was just you and me, I really had fun."
"Me too Mick."
"Then what's the problem?"
"You don't understand!"
"No. of course. I don't," Mick replied. "I can't help you if you don't talk to me Dave, I want you and me to get on and be friends, but we need to get to know each other first."
"You don't understand," Dave said again. "Look...I'm tired, and I'm not well, I think maybe...I need to go home."
"Okay, I understand Dave but...why don't we meet up sometimes just you and me?" Mick suggested. "We could...jam together again like earlier, I enjoyed that...I know you're not happy because I was given the position without your approval, but I assure you I honestly don't bite, I'd like to think I'm quite a nice guy really in spite of..."
Mick's words trailed off. Dave noticed as Mick stopped talking that he did not seem to want to say any more. The look on Mick's face made Dave think that perhaps something had happened to him at some point in his life. Dave saw in Mick's eyes that there was a certain kind of sadness, and he wondered what could have caused it.
He decided to be brave and asked Mick, "In spite of...what?"
Mick sighed, "Oh...nothing...well not nothing exactly, but I don't know if I want to talk about it at the moment."
Dave gave a nod to show that he understood.
"My mum and dad live in this area," Dave thought it a good idea to change the subject. "I might go over and see them soon, sometimes I get lonely you know, living in my flat, but it has its good points too."
"Would you like to meet up with me?" Mick asked him again.
Dave thought about this, part of him wanted to say yes as he thought it would be nice to have Mick as a friend, he felt very touched that Mick had come outside to speak to him on his own instead of staying inside and getting all friendly with Ray and Pete. He also felt that Mick was becoming more and more beautiful each time he saw him, and that had only been once on Monday. The second time that day when he had met up with the band and the third time when he had stormed out of band practise, and Mick came after him. On each one of those occasions, Mick's beauty overwhelmed him more and more. Dave felt if he kept seeing Mick that he would grow more fond of him, attached to him, or even in love with him. Dave knew there was a big chance that Mick would not return his feelings. He was unsure of whether to take Mick up on his offer. He would be seeing him tomorrow and Saturday night.
After thinking all this Dave simply answered, "I dunno...maybe."
Mick looked a little hurt at this lack of enthusiasm, and Dave felt bad, but what was the point of being friendly with someone you were in love with, and they probably would not feel the same way?
Just then Ray and Pete joined them outside, and Dave sighed in exasperation. Once again these two had to interrupt them...then Dave thought how silly that was, there was nothing to interrupt, if only there were.
"You calmed down now Davey boy?" Ray asked him in a way that Dave had always found annoying to say the least.
Dave was not in the mood for speaking to Ray at all, so he just scowled at his older brother and went on smoking his cigarette.
"We're gonna have to get all this right before we play the live gigs tomorrow, and Saturday night, that's when we don't want any mistakes," Ray continued. "So Dave you are really gonna have to get your act together and practise. We can't have anything going wrong when we are live, and you throwing your dummy out of the pram really doesn't help."
"That's right Dave," Pete added. "Come on, whatever issues you have try and sort them out.”
If only it were that simple, Dave thought. If only I could switch off what I'm feeling for Mick, then everything would be okay.
It was no good getting into another argument so Dave simply said, "I'm sorry guys, I really will try, I don't want to let you down. I'm just tired and really stressed. I'm going to go and see mum and dad now."
"We also need to work on making Mick feel more welcomed in the group, " Pete pointed out. "It must be hard for him as he's only just joined us. And Mick, you must be quite nervous knowing you have to play live very soon. You've been thrown in at the deep end a bit."
"Just a little," Mick replied. "But I'm prepared to put the effort in and it's not as if I've never played live before, but you guys seem much nicer than the last band I played with so that helps."
"You'll be okay Mick," Ray reassured him. "You're a great drummer and you seem to pick up songs you don't know really quick, I hope you know we're glad to have you."
Mick smiled, "Thanks, Ray, means a lot," he said. "And Dave think about meeting up with me sometimes, we have to get to know each other better."
Dave looked at Mick sadly, and he was beginning to have stronger feelings for this beautiful young man, and it hurt him that Mick seemed to feel that Dave did not want to know him. Dave did not want to have his heart broken so he felt that he ought to try and keep Mick at a distance if possible. Dave certainly felt that it was not a good idea to get friendly with Mick outside of band business.
Maybe sounding colder than he meant to and not really looking at Mick, he answered, "Yeah I know we should, let's just get these next couple of days out the way first, then we'll see."
Not long after, Dave decided to call time on that day's practice session and go to visit his parents.
He felt that he had hurt Mick a little, but he could not help that, it hurt him to feel this way for Mick and to be afraid that Mick would not want to know him if he told him how he really felt so what was the point in them being friends?
Pete and Ray were not happy with Dave, as they thought he was rude. They both told Mick not to worry about Dave, as he was still just a boy who had a lot of growing up to do. They all went home not very happy that day, none more so than poor Dave, who was still in a state of total confusion over his feelings.
He visited his parents and sister, who was the only one of the eight Davies children still living at home, though not the youngest.
Dave spent a couple of hours there then caught the bus home to his lonely flat.
He wished and wished he was 'normal' like he used to be. He cried himself to sleep once again and not surprisingly, Dave dreamt of Mick...again.
Notes:
I have just edited this chapter again after posting, so I hope it sounds a lot better.
Chapter 2
Summary:
Tension mounts as the Ravens prepare to perform their first gig with their new drummer.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Love Me Til the sun shines
Chapter 2
Ray Davies was stressed. He and the Ravens had a gig that very evening, and he felt that they were nowhere near ready.
Was it too soon to hire someone new and throw them in at the deep end?
He kept trying to comfort himself with the fact that Mick had told him it was fine, that he was used to practising for gigs at short notice and that he had the talent for picking up a rhythm for a new song very quickly.
Ray had not been able to sleep very much the previous night; he was too busy worrying about the gigs. He wondered whether he ought to find an excuse to postpone them. Ray felt this would give them more time to work with Mick, but sadly, that was not the only problem; the other problem was Dave, his younger brother, who was not very easy to get on with at the best of times. Since Dave had practically pushed his way into Ray’s band, things had gone from bad to worse.
Ray had also noticed that Dave was acting very strangely, especially around Mick, and he just could not put his finger on why that was.
It was true that Dave could be very vain and proud when it came to his looks, and then along came Mick, who was extremely good looking...Dave had warned Ray that he did not want a band member better looking than himself, but the trouble was they had already hired Mick by the time Dave had told him this. It really annoyed Ray as yes, looks do help in life, but he and Pete had agreed to take on Mick because of his amazing, natural talent, and they both found that they really liked him.
They had met up with Mick, who was warm and friendly, and in return Ray and Pete had both greeted him very warmly. It was hard for Ray and Pete not to like Mick, as he came across as someone that any person would take to.
Ray never had an issue with Dave not being there when they chose Mick. Dave had already been told about the advert Ray had placed in Melody Maker looking for a drummer, Dave had also been told of the place where they were meeting potentials...only Dave had never turned up.
Ray and Pete had both agreed, that if Dave was not going to bother being there when they wanted to make decisions about the band there and then, why should they wait around to seek his approval? So as Mick was the only one who had answered their advert, and because he was brilliant, they offered him the job.
Ray and Pete had both noticed how surprised Mick looked when they told him they liked his graceful drumming style, Ray recalled how it seemed to be a look that said, “I can’t believe you really think I’m that good.”
Ray also remembered how Mick seemed to be fighting back tears of happiness at being given the job as the drummer. It was strange how a man could show such emotion.
Ray was thinking of all this as he sat on his sofa, he looked at his watch; it was only quarter past seven in the morning.
Unable to sleep, Ray had thought to himself he might as well get up, get a shower and get dressed, and was now smoking a cigarette, wondering what the hell had happened that week.
When Ray had finished at art college, he came back to Muswell Hill, where he and his seven siblings grew up, though he felt he needed to find a place of his own rather than live with his parents; the Davies home had become very different since the eldest of the children, Mary, had died. Her death was an unpleasant memory for all of the family, one that would be with them for the rest of their lives.
Yes, the last few years were filled with much sadness; Mary had been taken from them too young and the whole family were still grieving and probably always would be, but Ray was now ready to try and move on and make something of himself, he was so passionate about this band and about getting it up and running, if only he did not have to put up with Dave living under his shadow.
The band had been playing gigs in different venues around London, mainly pubs, for many months now, and Ray was desperate to get a recording contract somewhere, if only someone out there would recognise them.
The plan for today was to meet again at the Angel, the same time as yesterday, and practise the songs they were going to be performing. The gig was scheduled to begin at seven o'clock that evening, and the band were booked to play until late.
Ray knew that he was going to be very tired at the end, as he had hardly had any sleep; maybe if he had the time, he would try and fit in a nap before band rehearsals, though he knew that pep pills would be available that evening, if he and the boys needed them to keep going. Ray never did much like the idea of taking drugs not prescribed by a doctor, or bought at the pharmacy, and he decided the pep pills had to be a last resort.
When Ray had finished his cigarette, he got up, and went over to the window of his living room, and he gazed out into the street below, which was empty at that time as expected.
Being October, the early mornings were beginning to be dark for longer, and Ray did not very much like dark mornings or the fact that the nights were drawing in. He had come to hate the cold and the winter since Mary had gone, and Christmas was the hardest time of the year for all of Ray’s family.
Across the road from Ray’s flat was the Dragon pub, where he sometimes performed with the Ravens, and they did not like that pub quite so much as the Angel. The owner of the Dragon was not so friendly, the kind of customers that regularly came in would often cause trouble, and one particular night, the band had drinks thrown at them by drunken louts. This put them off performing in pubs a little. However, Robert Wace, their manager, had told them pubs and clubs were the best places for selling themselves as a band. There were often people there, record producers, looking for bands like them, people who could recognise them, and they could well get a recording contract that way.
Ray often felt he was losing faith in Robert, who had promised them last year they would make it big by now; one year on, they were still here, still making peanuts playing here and there, still seemingly getting nowhere in the music business. Will it ever happen for us? Ray wondered.
He continued to look out of the window, the sky that morning looked fairly bleak; was the future for this band the same? Only time would tell.
A couple of hours later, Ray was still at a loose end over what to do with himself that day. He had been doing nothing in particular that morning, and he simply could not be bothered wasting his energy practising on his guitar when they had rehearsals for the gig all afternoon; they had hours to practise later, he also had writer’s block when it came to writing a song.
Ray had been doing nothing except having breakfast, listening to the radio and doing a bit of reading, which kept making him almost fall asleep, as he had hardly had any sleep and was tired. Maybe he should get some kip before he had to go out; being tired was not a good way to be when you had a gig to rehearse for, and to perform.
Ray lay down on a cushion on his sofa, closing his eyes. He tried not to think of anything as he attempted to let himself drift off to sleep, yet something was stopping him. It was something that happens to many people when they think they are tired, and as soon as they settle down and try to sleep, they find they cannot. Ray tried to relax, he closed his eyes and tried to shut off all that he was worrying about, but after a few minutes, he felt this was impossible.
There was only one thing for it, and he decided to go to the cafe where his sister Lorna worked. She was the sibling Ray had always been closest to, and she always cheered him up. Lorna was two years older than Ray.
Ray made his way to Muswell Cafe where he could see his lovely sister inside clearing a table.
Lorna had very light, blonde hair cut to her shoulders in a style that was fashionable at that time, and she was short, petite and very pretty.
Lorna looked up and smiled as her brother walked in, and she spoke to Ray, “Well Hello little bro, this is a pleasant surprise, what brings you here?”
She greeted her younger sibling with a kiss. Ray answered, “Oh a combination of boredom, being over-tired and very stressed.”
“Why are you stressed?” Lorna asked him.
“Oh everything,” Ray answered as he sat himself down at one of the tables; he looked around and was glad to see the place was empty, so that gave him the chance to talk to her.
“Like what?” Lorna asked, sitting at the table beside him.
“Well for a start, I just don’t feel we are anywhere near ready for tonight’s gig, or the one tomorrow,” Ray said miserably. “Mick’s only just joined us, and we’ve only had one practise session with him so far. Don’t get me wrong, he’s brilliant, and he picks up songs really quickly. I just don’t feel we’ve had enough time to get to know each other. Dave’s being a complete arsehole about the whole thing, and was so rude to Mick yesterday, as well as throwing a hissy fit. I just don’t feel it was fair of Robert to push us into playing a gig so soon.”
“But you’ve played many gigs Ray,” Lorna pointed out. “You’ve done brilliantly so far, I’ve seen you and Dave perform and you’re great! Just give yourself a chance, maybe getting this new drummer is a step in the right direction. A drummer is what’s needed for a band like yours, especially nowadays.”
“But Dave’s been so…”
“Don’t worry about Dave,” Lorna interrupted. “He’s still only a kid really, he will grow up eventually, but yes I have to admit, even I was unsure about Dave joining you at first. We all know that Mum insisted on it, and you would never have heard the last of it if you’d refused, but you perform so well together.”
“I just wish he didn’t wind me up so much.” Ray said with frustration. “I do wish I could be as close to Dave as I am to Pete; I love Dave but he drives me crazy.”
Lorna laughed at him; she knew that it was her brothers’ sibling rivalry that really made this band what it was, and she knew that the Ravens could not do without either brother. She was also of the opinion that the name ‘The Ravens’ did not work, so Lorna was doing her best to try and come up with a better name for them, a name that would make them famous and be remembered for generations to come.
Lorna and Ray had always been super close from when they were children, and still were now. She had loved him from the minute he was born, and had always wanted a little brother; being the youngest of six girls had not always been fun, and she did not always get on with all of her sisters very well, especially the second youngest sister, Rosie, who could still be a total bitch, even now.
When Ray was born, it felt like a refreshing change, and from the minute her mother gave him to her to hold, she had looked at his little face and felt that having him around was going to be a lot of fun; she was not wrong.
There was never a dull moment, and as soon as Ray was able to walk and talk they would play together, laugh together, she would read to him and they would share secrets. Lorna felt she had found a kindred spirit in Ray that she never really had with any of her sisters, even though Mary, the eldest was like a mother hen, and Lorna loved her very much, but she felt far more close to Ray; he was closer in age and they found they shared a lot in common.
When Dave was born, although Lorna loved the new arrival, she had worried that because he was another boy, Ray would prefer to play with him rather than her and that she would soon be pushed out, but she need not have worried. Ray idolised Lorna, and he was actually quite jealous that Dave had replaced him as the youngest child and that he was no longer the only boy, and his mother seemed to pay Ray less attention when his baby brother had come along.
It seemed that Dave was the apple of their mother’s eye, and everyone noticed that she would barely leave him; she would pick Dave up at the slightest sound he made and never allowed visitors to hold him, especially people outside of the family. She was also very reluctant to let her seven children hold their baby brother. Even her husband for that matter found it a challenge persuading Ann to let him hold their youngest son.
Dave was all Ann seemed to care about from the minute he arrived, and things never seemed to be the same in the Davies household again. It was one of the reasons that Mary would put her younger siblings to bed each night read them a story.
Slowly, the younger ones began to see Mary as almost a mother figure to them.
It seemed that, because their mother was so preoccupied with Dave, she just could not be bothered with her other children and would tell Mary to attend to their needs. Luckily, Mary never seemed to mind.
As Lorna and Ray talked and laughed together in the cafe, they began to talk about Mary. It had never been easy to talk about her since she passed; the grief they all felt at her loss was still very much there, but Ray and Lorna often found that talking really helped, even if other family members were reluctant to do so. They both felt keeping her memory alive was very important, because Mary would have wanted for them to remember her with a smile.
Since Mary’s death, their mother had been completely broken. Out of all of her daughters, Ann had always seemed to favour her eldest. Since losing Mary, Ann would mollycoddle and spoil Dave even more, not wanting very much to do with her other children.
It had not been an easy few years for any of them since Mary’s death; there had begun to be rows in the family home, whereas before, the family had held many parties, which would go on until well after midnight. Ray and Dave would play their guitars and sing, they would all dance to rock and roll, the house was full of laughter. Mary had been the life and soul of these parties that would be held at least once a month, and the neighbours and close friends of the family were invited.
Now that was all a thing of the past; things were very different in the Davies household now, and poor Lorna was the one who felt it the most, since she was the only one of Ann and Fred’s children still living at home.
Lorna never went to college as her mother convinced her that she was ‘too thick’, so she thought it would please her mother if she at least contributed to running the household by getting a job.
If Ann had her way, her daughter would be handing over every penny of her wage packet, but luckily her father stepped in saying this was not fair, as Lorna worked so hard and came home very tired. Fred convinced his wife to only take a quarter of what Lorna earned, and Ann had agreed, on the condition that Lorna also did her share of the housework and cooked her own meals. Lorna was fine with that arrangement, and in the end, so was her father.
Lorna and Ray talked about everything and anything for another half an hour, until two people came in wanting to be served. Lorna had to get up to see to them, but as she made her way over to the counter, her brother asked her, “When you’ve served them will you get me a coffee and one of those chocolate muffins?”
Lorna laughed, she knew how much both her brothers loved cakes, “Of course,” she agreed.
Meanwhile, the band’s manager, Robert Wace was feeling quite optimistic that he had cracked it this time. The Ravens were playing in just the right place and he had managed to tip off a top music producer where the perfect band was playing, letting him know that they were now a four-piece and very talented, with Ray’s songwriting ability, Dave’s magical skills as a lead guitarist, Pete’s fine bass playing, and where could he begin with Mick? Sure he was a brilliant drummer but boy was he good looking, there would be girls all over the place just dying to get a glimpse of him and try to touch him, which can never hurt when it came to selling records.
Elvis Presley’s looks certainly helped him, Robert thought with a sly smile.
There was just one thing that bothered Robert when it came to this band, their name sounded so corny. He never understood why they called themselves the Ravens, it was not as if their hair was jet black for starters, he could tell that Ray, Dave and Mick had dark brown hair and Pete’s was lighter, more sandy. That name just had to be changed, and he had to work with the boys to find the perfect one. Robert had even written down a few ideas he had been thinking of all last night, and he decided to show them to the boys when he got the chance.
Managing a band was not the easiest job at times, but Robert loved the fun of booking them into different places and seeing the reactions of the audience, although Robert usually left most of the very hard work to his co-manager, Grenville.
Now this band had to make it big, and Robert often had visions of them signing their first recording contract, making their first album, touring the world, the possibilities were endless. If only he could just get over that first hurdle of getting them signed by a record label, then Robert knew they would be on the right track.
Pete Quaife looked at himself in the bathroom mirror; he decided he looked decent enough to be seen out in public. He did not feel nervous about tonight’s live gig at the Angel, as he had performed there with Ray and Dave many a time, and it had always been a pleasant experience and a pleasure to be there, because the owner and staff were pleasant, and it was very rare that the customers were rowdy.
Pete was nineteen and he had passed his driving test just last year; he was glad not to live far from Muswell Hill where he had to go for the gig. Pete was also glad he did not have to catch a bus there like Dave did.
Pete wondered how Mick would fare, playing with them that evening. He thought that Mick was such a nice young man, and from what Mick had told him the other day, he had performed live gigs before and had been doing so for at least a couple of years. Pete was certainly keen to get to know him, as Mick really seemed the kind of person you would love to have as a friend.
Pete quickly finished combing his hair and left the bathroom. He had spent pretty much most of the morning cleaning and tidying up his flat, this was unusual for a man, but Pete was the kind of person who really hated to live in a pigsty.
Like Ray and Dave, Pete lived alone in a London flat, something which took some getting used to, but he had grown to love it.
Pete had met Ray when they were at art college together, and they became very close friends, they were both away from home and so knew how strange it felt to have to learn to live without their mums and dads doing everything for them, but after a while, they both found it did them good.
They found their rooms in college were next door to each other, so in the evenings, they would study together, or if they had no studying to do, they would play music together; their friendship had grown when each discovered the other played the guitar. Both boys had similar tastes in music, they would listen to rock and roll, rhythm and blues, a bit of jazz and much more besides.
Pete formed a close friendship with Ray, and together, they ended up playing small gigs in schools, at parties, even weddings, plus a few other different venues.
The trouble was, they seemed to get through a lot of drummers, they never seemed able to keep one. When Ray’s brother Dave joined them, they decided to try without one, just to see how they sounded. For a while it seemed like a good idea, as they did well as a trio, they either did not get on with the drummer who was playing with them, or the ones they did get on with were unreliable, so in the end they just gave up.
There was something very different about Mick, something that Pete really liked.
Maybe it was a blessing that the other drummers were no good, maybe it was fate or a bit of divine intervention that sent Mick our way. Pete thought to himself with a small smile.
Of course Pete did not want to speak too soon, it was very early days, he did however have a good feeling about Mick, a feeling he never had with the other drummers. Pete almost felt as though Mick was going to lead them down the right path and help the band achieve their goal of making it big.
Pete glanced at his watch, it had just gone mid-day, lunchtime. He did not really know what he wanted to eat but he needed to keep up his strength, especially as there would be a big chance that he would have to play peacemaker between the two brothers as per usual, You never know when one of them is going to start, Pete thought.
Pete decided he would just make a sandwich, it would not be long before he would have to go out, he decided to eat it on the go.
Elsewhere, the band’s latest recruit, Mick Avory, was sitting on his bed, whispering a prayer that all would be well that evening.
Even though he was used to playing live gigs, Mick felt more nervous than he thought he would.
Mick felt that he really liked the boys in this new band, he wanted this band to be the one band where he felt he belonged, he had been so touched by Ray and Pete’s kindness, as he was feeling so very nervous the day he got that phone call from Ray, who asked him whether or not he had experience of playing in a band before, when Mick had answered yes, Ray was really happy, and asked him to come over with his drums, and show him and the others what he could do.
Mick remembered how he felt very excited but nervous at the same time, as he thought of how unhappy he had been playing with the Rolling Stones.
Mick’s brother, Steve told him he must go and show the Ravens what he was made of.
Flashback
Steve noticed that Mick was agonising over whether to go or not, as he was so afraid of being told he was no good. Steve told him, “Mick you’re amazing, you just have to believe in yourself, I’ve seen you play and you’re outstanding, don’t let bullies affect your whole life.”
“But what if they don’t like me just like Brian Jones didn’t?” Mick asked him.
Steve sighed, “Oh Mick you know as well as I do that Brian is jealous of you, he knows you are an amazing drummer, he just couldn’t cope with how good looking you are.”
“Steve that’s ridiculous,” Mick said with a very disbelieving look, he was very modest.
“Oh is it?” Steve laughed, “Oh Mick you have no idea have you? Don’t you ever look at yourself in the mirror?”
This made Mick blush.
Steve placed his hand on Mick’s shoulder affectionately “Mick I can see how special you are, even if you don’t, you have no self esteem, that’s your problem. I know you and I can see how badly you want to do this, now go and show those boys what you’re made of!”
End flashback
Mick sat on his bed, remembering how these encouraging words from his sixteen year old brother were the only thing that got him out of the door that day.
Although biologically, he and Steve were not related at all, they had both lived in the same foster home together for a good six years now, and had grown so close that they had come to think of one another as brothers.
Mick was nineteen, three years older than Steve, but they shared a lot in common which was one of the many things that had helped them form a strong bond.
Mick’s train of thought was interrupted by a voice outside his bedroom door, he jumped as he was so lost in thought, the door opened, it was Rachel Cadywood, the woman who had fostered him since he was thirteen, when it became clear to the authorities that Mick’s mother was unfit to care for her son.
Mick looked up as the lady he thought of as his mother entered his bedroom, she had brought him a cup of tea, Mick smiled in gratitude, “Aww thanks Rachel.”
The children Rachel fostered had always called her by her first name, as she did not believe in giving people names or titles that were not their own, Steve had once asked if they could call her Aunty Rachel but she had answered him, “No, you can just call me Rachel.”
This made sense to her, for if she was going to be caring for them as if they were her own, what was the point of them calling her ‘Mrs Cadywood’?
Rachel handed Mick the tea and sat beside him on the bed, she noticed he looked very serious, “Are you feeling nervous my darling?”
Mick gave her a weak smile, “Well, yes I am,” he answered, “I’m playing live tonight and I’ve hardly had time to practise with this band.
“You’ll do fine,” Rachel reassured him, “You have always been brilliant at what you do.”
“I hope I continue to impress these boys like I did yesterday.” Mick said with a sigh.
“If you impressed them yesterday, why wouldn’t you today or any other day?”
“I dunno,” Mick answered, looking at the floor.
“Steve and Julie believe in you Mick, and so do I,” Rachel said putting her arm round her ward, “Never doubt yourself, have faith, we have all seen you play the drums, you are a natural.”
“I wish you three could be there,” Mick said gloomily, “I would feel so much better.”
“I know my love but you know we can’t, Steve’s performing in the West End tonight, Julie’s away, I’ve got to stay in and wait for that person coming from Social Services, you know I may be taking on a baby, I need to, especially now you three are all grown up and can look after yourselves.
Mick’s foster brother, Steve, had landed a role as the Artful Dodger in a production of Oliver, Mick had seen him on stage, and he suited the part very well, with his strong cockney accent and short frame, and he looked just like an Artful Dodger too.
Mick was very proud of Steve, who also played the guitar and piano, and Steve was thinking of playing in a band at some point. Rachel secretly would have liked her boys to have started a band together, but they were of different ages, and seemed to be doing different things at different times, but Rachel decided never to give up hope that eventually, they would get round to it.
It was not until Mick came to live with Rachel that he had discovered his hidden talent for playing the drums.
He had only discovered this skill by chance, when Steve wanted them both to have guitar lessons, Steve really took to the guitar, and he learned so much from his teacher. Mick however, found he just could not get on with a guitar at all, playing the strings gave him sore fingers, and when he tried it with a plectrum, he kept dropping it. Instead, Mick had found his eyes drawn towards a drum kit that was in the corner of the room. Mick could not fathom to this day why he had found himself asking if he could have a go. The guitar teacher, who had come to realise that Mick would never play the guitar, had agreed.
That was how Mick discovered the drums, it had been a hidden talent all his life.
The four young men met up again at the pub at one o'clock that very afternoon. This was serious practise time for all of them, Dave included.
It seemed that Dave was keen to forget about the row he had with Ray the previous day, and really put the effort in this time, he made a few small mistakes, but seemed a little less stressed. However, Pete noticed that Dave still seemed to be acting strangely, there was one moment while the boys were taking a break, he could have sworn that he saw Dave blush when Mick went up to speak to him...no that’s silly, he thought, stop letting your imagination run away with you.
The boys practised their music for four hours, taking small breaks in between for cigarettes and something to eat and drink. Keeping up their strength was very important for tonight’s very important show.
Ray was satisfied that they had practised well, though he still wished they could have more time.
Pete was confident that Mick was going to do the band justice, though he had to assure Ray there was nothing to worry about with Mick’s experience.
Mick had many mixed feelings, excitement, nerves, above all, a feeling he was going to get on with Ray and Pete very well. He was, however, worried about Dave, he wanted to get on with him most of all, though he did not quite know why. He still felt he had yet to receive Dave’s seal of approval to begin with, then who knows, perhaps they could be friends...then maybe...no you are just imagining it Mick, don’t be silly, he wasn’t blushing because of you.
Dave liked to think he had pulled himself together since yesterday, he knew he could not let this band down, despite his ever growing attraction towards Mick, he was determined to worry about it later. For now, they had a gig to perform and there was no going back.
Notes:
Thank you to all who are supporting my story.
Chapter 3
Summary:
It's the Raven's first gig with drummer Mick, they are all very nervous and all hope they can pull it off. The boys have no idea that record producer Shel Talmy is in the audience watching them. Can Dave get through the gig when all he can think of is Mick or will the beautiful drummer prove to be too much of a distraction?
Notes:
Thank you to those people who have left kudos on my work since I posted it, I really appreciate your feedback and as this is my first ever fan-fic, any constructive criticism is much appreciated. Thanks to those few people who have read my story before I posted it but most of all to my beta, Gia who encouraged me to write it in the first place.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Love me til the sun shines
Chapter three
It was six fifty-five pm, and the Angel pub was quickly becoming packed out. This gig, to be performed by the Ravens, had been advertised outside the Angel and around Muswell Hill, as well as the surrounding London districts. The boys were overwhelmed by how many people had shown up to see them, and they could not actually believe that they were this popular in the local area.
None of them were happier than Robert, who had finally managed to persuade the best music producer around to come and check his band out.
That evening, Ray had not been able to say an awful lot to Robert, who had simply wished him, “Good luck, but you really won’t need it.” Then simply disappeared into the crowd. Ray got the instinct feeling that their manager was up to something, but there was no time to think about that now; he was determined to put his soul into this gig, and the boys had reassured him at rehearsals that they were going to do the same.
All four of them were backstage now. Ray, Dave and Pete with their guitars at the ready, Mick nervously clutching his drumsticks; they were going to give it all they had and wow the audience. They could hear the sound of people talking and laughing; this also made them nervous but very excited.
“Okay boys,” Ray said, doing his best to hide his nerves. “We all have a few minutes, I know we’ve not had much time, but I’m really proud of you all, even you Dave, can you believe you and I haven’t argued once today.”
Dave just looked at his brother and grunted.
Pete had to agree with Ray; he was pleasantly surprised by the fact he had not needed to come between the brothers, to stop them from fighting, as he almost always did.
That afternoon had certainly been more pleasant than the one before, maybe because Dave had decided to book his ideas up and focus on what was important to all of them. They were all fairly satisfied with how things had gone that day.
Mick stayed fairly quiet while they were waiting for their big moment; although he had enjoyed the company of the boys that afternoon, and was looking forward to working with them, Dave had not said a single word to him all day. Mick could not understand why. What had he ever done to Dave to make him behave this way?
Although Mick was becoming increasingly fond of Ray and Pete, Dave was the one he wanted to get to know the most; he knew there was a good chance that Dave would not feel for him the way he could not help feeling for Dave, but Mick hoped that they could, at least, be good friends.
Mick had liked Dave the minute he met him; although Dave’s behaviour seemed rather weird, Mick still liked the way he looked, his fresh face, his pale blue eyes, and he had this almost innocent look about him that Mick found strangely endearing.
A few thoughts ran through Mick’s mind about why Dave had remained so quiet the day they had first met, could it be he was very shy? This seemed unlikely, as the way he had behaved yesterday during band rehearsals suggested otherwise, although when Dave had asked Mick to do a drum solo for him, Dave had seemed very awkward about asking him. Whatever Dave’s problem was, Mick made up his mind that somehow he was going to try and sort it out, but for now, he was going to play his part in making this gig one to remember.
Just then, a man’s voice announced from somewhere behind them,
“You’re on in two minutes boys!”
“Oh wow, this is it!” Pete said excitedly. “Come on, let’s knock ‘em dead!”
The Ravens walked onto the stage in front of an audience that filled the whole bar. There was the sound of clapping, cheering and even whistling.
Mick took his place behind the drums, and the other three walked to the front of the stage where the microphones were.
“One, two, three...” Mick said tapping his drumsticks together; this was something they had practised earlier. Ray wanted Mick to have his moment at the beginning; a gesture to welcome him into the group, and this boosted Mick’s confidence a little. It was something Mick had always wanted to do, but the Rolling Stones had never let him do it. Mick remembered how Brian Jones in particular had made sure that Mick always stayed in the background.
The song Milk Cow Blues, which they all thought was a great song to begin a gig with, was the first number they played. Nervous as they all were throughout this song, they all began to enjoy themselves, and they could see that the audience loved them. Afterwards, the audience clapped and cheered, and the boys bowed in appreciation, and Ray spoke into the microphone, “Thank you.”
If Ray and Dave had not been so busy concentrating on their performance, they would have noticed that two of their sisters; Lorna and Patti, were there supporting them, dancing away and proudly telling people that two members of the Ravens were their brothers.
They then went straight into another song. It was one by Little Richard, Long Tall Sally, sung by Dave, who was the band’s Little Richard expert. Dave was determined that however he was feeling inside, he was sure going to give this song some welly.
There were a few girls who watched Dave with awe and fascination as he made this song his own. With Ray and Pete supporting the youngest member on backing vocals, the three of them complimented each other extremely well; Mick most definitely completed the line-up and filled in the missing piece that, deep down, the other three had always known was there.
As Dave sang the words, he began to enjoy his time in the spotlight. Although thoughts of Mick were threatening to distract his performance, he put it to the back of his mind, concentrating on the image of himself that he wanted to give to his audience.
As Dave sang the last few words, he felt he had just about done himself, and the song, justice.
There were loud cheers, and Dave did his best to show appreciation of the crowd’s enthusiasm. He smiled, he bowed, he thanked the audience for their applause. Although Dave was pleased with himself that he had impressed everyone, deep down he was still struggling with this deep longing for Mick that would not go away.
As Dave moved aside to let Ray take centre stage again, he could not resist taking a quick glance at the drummer, who also looked at him and smiled, mouthing the words, “Well done,” to him. Dave was touched by Mick’s gesture, and returned it with a polite smile and nod. That was not the only thing that happened though…to his horror, the beautiful drummer was causing him to become aroused in a place that was not quite convenient at this moment in time.
Oh no, not now! Dave thought. It’s a good thing I have my guitar to hide it.
Dave tried to carry on as if nothing was wrong; he was not going to let his lust for Mick ruin the whole performance, but he was terrified that people would notice the bulge that was tenting his trousers, but he was determined not to show his fear, he wanted to stay focused.
As his brother announced the next song, Dave began playing his part. He looked away from Mick, and concentrated on the song he was playing. It was a song written by Ray, who had made Dave and Pete practise this weeks ago, over and until they knew every note and rhythm in their sleep. Mick had only learnt the song yesterday, and yet he and his drum kit played as though they had known it for many years.
The pub audience danced along to the music, even singing along with the very catchy words.
The three guitarists improvised by dancing, in a way that made quite a few girls smile.
The record producer, Shel Talmy was watching the gig from the bar; he liked what he saw and heard. Since coming to England the previous year, the American had signed a few bands to record labels, mainly Decca. Yet there was something special about these four boys.
As he watched the Ravens, Shel had a vision of what he could do with them.
He was glad that he had met Robert; these boys were going to be a change from what he normally worked with. They were unique and he could see it; also he had never seen such a good looking group of boys.
Shel was standing there with Robert, and also with Grenville Collins, who also worked alongside Robert to manage the Ravens and organise all their gigs. Although Robert seemed to be the one who was more in control, Grenville certainly was the one who worked the hardest he could, making sure the band was well looked after and happy.
Shel had spoken to Grenville an hour before the gig, while the Ravens had been tuning their guitars and preparing to go live, and it seemed that Grenville did most of the hard work. Robert seemed to be the brains behind it all, but Grenville put himself out a lot more; these were the thoughts Shel had, and the impression he got in getting to know the two men. Now he was looking forward to introducing himself to the boys in the band; he wanted to help them be a success.
Elsewhere in the pub, Lorna Davies was dancing and enjoying the gig, alongside her sister Patti, who had got married and left home just a few months ago. Lorna had invited her sister along, as she felt that Patti needed a break. Patti had a young daughter called Sophie, who she had given birth to when she was just seventeen.
Although it was the done thing in those days for girls so young to give up their babies for adoption, Mr and Mrs Davies had allowed Patti to keep the child and be a mother to her. What was also unusual for those times, was the fact that Patti’s parents had decided against passing little Sophie off as their own, as many parents of teenage mothers did in those days.
Fred and Ann were very different; they firmly believed that Patti was the mother and they were the grandparents. They had the opinion that one day, Sophie would find out the truth if they pretended any differently, and it would cause a lot of trouble and conflict.
None of the Davies family cared what people thought of them, yes neighbours could talk all they wanted, but they believed they were doing the right thing by letting their daughter raise her own child.
Patti’s husband, Eddie, was babysitting Sophie, so that his wife could have a night out.
Patti had met Eddie Watson two years after having her daughter, and they had quickly fallen in love. After dating for nearly three years, they got married, and Eddie became like a father to Sophie, this also meant that Patti moved out of the Davies family home to live with her husband, taking Sophie with her.
Lorna really missed her little niece now that she had moved out; with the rest of her siblings also having flown the nest, the house seemed a very quiet place indeed. What made it worse was, she did not get on very well with her mother. Although her father was good to her, she felt lonely, and missed the laughter of the household.
Lorna especially missed Ray, which was why she took the chance to see him that evening.
Lorna had so wanted to see her brothers perform, and maybe she thought she would check out the two other band members too, as she had got the impression from what Ray had told her that they were both very cute, and he was not wrong.
Lorna and Patti were dancing as they watched the performance by their younger brothers; they felt so proud.
“Oh Lorna, I’m so glad you thought of bringing me here.” Patti said in a raised voice as she danced. The music was quite loud, so if you wanted to talk you had to shout.
“Me too,” Lorna replied equally as loud. “Mum was being a right bitch today.”
At these words, Patti led her younger sister away into a quiet corner, where the music was not so loud, but they could still hear it.
“So tell me, Lorna,” Patti said when they felt more able to talk. “How are things at home?”
"Oh...you know, the same as always,” Lorna replied gloomily. “Don’t know why Mum doesn’t like me...she never has but she’s been worse ever since Mary died. I get that she’s still grieving, so am I, so are all of us, but she just picks holes when it comes to me. I sometimes think she wishes I had died, and Mary had lived.”
“She never really liked any of us very much,” Patti reassured her, “Except for Mary, and of course, Dave is her favourite, she even said he was. She could never wait until I had moved out, she loves Sophie though, I think she would have liked for me to leave her behind when I left.”
“Why is she like that Patti?” Lorna asked her sister, “What is it about Dave that makes her think that he can do no wrong?”
“I don’t know, Lorna; she’s mollycoddled him right from birth, been very over protective. I almost think that Dave moving out upset her more than what happened to Mary.”
Lorna sighed; as much as she hated to admit it, and as awful as it seemed, she strongly suspected that this was the case.
Ann Davies had gone within herself when her eldest daughter, Mary was found dead in the field behind the Davies house. She rarely left her bedroom, yet when Dave moved out, she changed a little, but not for the better. Ann would have a go at Lorna over the smallest of things and put her down, belittling her to anyone and everyone. This hurt Lorna as she had never done anything wrong that she could think of, if anything, she wanted to please her mother, but nothing she did was ever good enough.
This was one of the many reasons why Lorna loved to get out of the house whenever she could, even one evening away from that place felt like a holiday, and she made the most of it while she had the chance.
Lorna dreamed of the day when her knight in shining armour would come and take her away from this life of misery. She would have got her own place if she could afford it.
“Yes you are probably right Patti,” Lorna admitted sadly. “Mum’s all for Dave...oh it’s not Dave’s fault I suppose, it’s Mum’s fault he’s such a brat!”
"Tell me about it,” laughed Patti. “But just look how amazing he is on that guitar.”
“Both our brothers are,” Lorna reminded Patti that Ray was not invisible, as their mother always seemed to pretend. “Oh come on, let's go and get a drink and watch them while we sit down somewhere. I’m quite thirsty after all that dancing.”
The two sisters made their way to the bar to order drinks, and Lorna quickly glanced up at her brother Ray, who had now begun the next song. He still had no idea his sisters were there, so she decided to surprise him later.
The Ravens played non-stop until nine o'clock, and then it was time for a break, Ray announced this to the entire pub, “Thank you so much for being here, we are going to take a break now, but we will be right back.”
The boys made their way backstage where Grenville was waiting to talk to them, “Aww that was great lads,” he said cheerfully. “You deserve a well-earned rest after that; you played so well. Mick, well done on your first gig with us, you were great.”
Mick smiled, he felt so happy to be praised up and appreciated for once, “Oh thanks,” Mick said shyly. “You are so kind.”
“Oh nonsense Mick, of course, you were fantastic, nothing to do with being kind.” Grenville said rolling his eyes.
“That’s right Mick,” agreed Pete. “Believe in yourself.”
Ray also agreed that Mick had done an amazing job for them that night, given the fact he had only been recruited a few days ago. This would have made Mick very happy; however, since he wanted Dave to appreciate him too, and Dave did not praise him up the way Grenville, Ray and Pete had done just now, he was feeling very sad and very confused. He desperately wanted to talk to Dave and get to know him, if only Dave would put in the effort and see that Mick wanted to be his friend.
Dave just went outside away from them. Mick was thinking of going after him, but felt he needed a drink. He decided to join Ray and Pete instead; if Dave did not want to join them, that was his problem. Mick would try again with Dave at another time when he had the chance.
Dave made his way through the back door of the pub and into the beer garden. As the weather was getting colder, there was nobody about and so Dave had the area all to himself. He sat at one of the tables and lit a cigarette; he needed a smoke after playing for two hours and he needed time alone to think.
This business with Mick was becoming a real problem for him, and he was worried that it was going to affect him in the long run.
“Oh why can’t I stop thinking about you Mick?” Dave said to himself.
Dave put the cigarette to his mouth and inhaled deeply, this was something he always did when he felt particularly stressed.
Stress was something Dave knew far too much about at far too young an age, no wonder he had started smoking...but he was usually good at being in control and taking stress all in his stride, but this latest problem was getting far too much for him.
Throughout the first part of the gig; although Dave had enjoyed playing, and loved the attention he got from the audience, he had still been struggling throughout, struggling to put on a carefree front.
Although Dave made every effort to forget his feelings for the drummer for that one evening, every time he had started enjoying himself, thoughts of Mick kept creeping back into his mind. It was extremely hard not to think of Mick, given the fact that the beautiful drummer was right there on stage with him.
There were moments throughout the show where Dave felt he wanted to go over to Mick and kiss the very breath from his body, he had even more unsavoury thoughts of getting Mick to bend over his drum kit so he could fuck him into oblivion.
Dave sat gazing at the sky which was almost completely dark, he looked around the small beer garden, which was peaceful and quiet...or would have been but for the sounds of people coming from inside.
In a nearly tree, a nightingale was singing what Dave thought to be a goodnight song, though it would be another few hours until Dave was going to be saying goodnight to anyone. He would probably be up until one o’clock...or later. He was glad that he had arranged to stay at his mum’s that night; for once he would not be lonely.
Dave glanced at his watch; he was grateful that they were having half an hour’s break to recover from that exhausting couple of hours, and on returning to the stage, the Ravens would have another two and a half hours to play; boy would they have to be ready. Dave felt that this performance was going to be harder for himself than for the rest of them; it was hard work pretending to be fine when he was not, which was why he had felt the need to escape outside. He needed the fresh air, and to get away from Mick for a little while; even without these feelings he had for the drummer, there was always the chance that he and Ray would have another falling out, so he was better off away from all of that.
Dave’s three band mates meanwhile were relaxing in the lounge where there were not quite so many people; but there were a few, mostly girls who kept coming up to talk to them, and a lot of these girls were shy, giggly and totally in awe of the boys. A few of them asked where Dave was, but most of them were happy just to see any one of them in person.
“That’s a thought, why isn’t Dave in here with us?” Pete wondered.
“Who cares?” said Ray waving his hands indifferently. “I certainly don’t, so long as he is on stage ready to start the second half of the gig. Knowing him he is getting off with some poor girl...boy is she heading for heartbreak.”
“How do you know he is getting off with a girl?” Mick asked, “and if he is, how do you know she's heading for heartbreak?
“I know my brother, that’s how.” Ray said, casually putting his cigarette to his mouth.
Pete laughed, “That’s right Mick,” he said, agreeing with Ray, “and also, didn’t he say he was going to get a new girlfriend before the end of the week?”
“It’s Friday today.” Ray pointed out.
“Never mind,” Pete laughed, “Hey, there’s plenty of girls here, and you know, we’re all single aren’t we boys?”
“Absolutely!” Ray agreed, putting his hand on Mick’s shoulder, “What do you say Mick? Us three going on the pull?”
Mick felt a little uncomfortable, “Ummm...well...can’t Dave go on the pull with us too?”
The other two laughed.
“We told you Mick” Ray said putting his arm around him, “Dave’s one on his own, he is no doubt chatting up a girl as we speak, don’t worry about him.”
“Well...yes maybe he is,” Mick said, blushing slightly, “but I don’t think we should exclude him, he should be able to hang around with us too.”
“Mick’s right I think,” Pete told Ray, “he’s a member of our group too, we can’t exclude him.”
Ray sighed, “Fucking hell, honestly you two, I never even wanted him in this band anyway, now you’re forcing me to let him tag along with us and live in my bloody pocket.”
“That’s not very nice!” Mick exclaimed, looking shocked.
“Well it’s true!” Ray almost shouted, “Really Mick, once you get to know him, you will see what I mean, be warned.”
“Come on Ray, he’s not that bad.” Pete said, looking at his watch to check on the time.
“Oh Pete, you’re supposed to be my friend,” Ray muttered in a very sulky tone.
Mick listened as the two then began to bicker about Dave, he really hoped that Ray would not expect there to be three against one. He wanted all four of them to be friends; he knew what it was like to feel left out from his experience in the Rolling Stones, so he would never want Dave to feel the way he himself had been made to feel.
Mick decided that he would try to make friends with Dave; he even wondered if he should go and find him, although when Mick saw him last, Dave did look as if he wanted to be alone.
Mick had watched the teenager disappear out of the door, but Ray and Pete insisted that Mick came with them for a drink and to talk to some girls. As Dave did not seem to want to be followed, Mick left him to it and went with the others, who seemed to want his company.
Mick’s thoughts were interrupted by two happy female voices. He looked up and saw two pretty young ladies about his own age, who Ray seemed to know as he got up and greeted them both in a sort of group hug. Ray looked at Pete and Mick with his arms around the two women saying “Hey you guys, meet my sisters.”
“Hello.” The two girls said together.
“Come and sit down you two,” Ray said cheerfully, who was obviously happy to see his sisters, “Hey you never told me you were coming.”
Mick smiled at them both as they sat down opposite him, Pete, who had obviously never met Ray and Dave’s sisters before, also greeted them very warmly.
Ray introduced his sisters to his two band mates. First there was Lorna who had what looked like peroxide blonde hair in Mick’s opinion, at least he could not quite tell if the colour was natural or not, but it suited her, she was very pretty, and smiled in a very friendly way to both Pete and himself.
Ray then introduced Patti, whose hair was a sort of reddy brown colour and she was just as pretty and petite as Lorna, and also seemed very friendly.
“We thought we’d surprise you,” Lorna said, smiling. She looked around as she noticed one of her brothers was missing, “Where’s Dave?”
Ray made a dismissive noise. “Hanging around somewhere,” he answered. “You can only guess what he’s up to.”
“Can I?” Lorna asked, raising her eyebrows with interest.
“I wouldn’t be surprised if he turns up later with a chick on his arm.” Ray muttered.
“Well never mind about Dave,” Pete said, bored with the subject already. “Did you two ladies enjoy the gig this evening? Though it’s not over yet of course.”
“We did indeed,” Lorna replied, smiling at Pete with wide eyes and blushing just a tiny bit. “We’re really having a good time.”
“So proud of our brothers too,” added Patti. “So talented, as are you two.” There she looked at both Mick and Pete.
This compliment made Mick blush as he said, “Thank you.”
It felt so nice to be praised up by anyone, though Mick struggled to accept that he deserved compliments. He himself did not think he was a particularly talented person; he had suffered with very low self esteem all of his life, so always kept those who loved him and believed in him very close to his heart.
Pete, who was modest but not as reserved as Mick, replied to Patti’s compliment with a bit more to say, “Why thank you, we do aim to please.”
Mick watched Pete as he began to talk to the two sisters in a very gentleman-like manner; he got the feeling that Pete really knew how to treat a lady, and Mick had nothing but admiration for such a man. Guys like Pete seemed very hard to come by, and Mick felt a little envious of Ray’s two sisters as Pete as good as chatted them both up. He had known Pete for a mere few days and yet he began to wish he could change places with one of these two girls, to be the one that Pete was flirting with.
They all chatted for the last fifteen minutes of their break, though Mick said very little; he was in between listening to the rest of them and worrying about Dave, though he did not quite know why, nor was he yet convinced that Dave did not dislike him, but he found himself wanting to look out for the younger boy.
Robert and Grenville soon showed up to remind the boys that it was almost time to go back on stage.
“Where’s Dave?” Ray asked.
“Oh he came back in a few minutes ago,” Grenville replied. “He’s just getting his guitar tuned.”
“Talking of which,” Robert complained, “why are you three still in here anyway? You should have been backstage about five minutes before starting the show again, getting ready, not chatting birds up!”
“Er…excuse me these are my sisters!” Ray exclaimed, horrified. Lorna and Patti did not look happy either.
“Oh I’m sorry I do beg your pardon,” Robert apologised, not really looking sorry or embarrassed about what he had just said. “You do need to be on the ball though; tonight could well be the night.”
Ray waved to Lorna and Patti who disappeared off to the bar, clearly not happy with Robert’s remarks; Grenville was also fairly embarrassed by his co-manager too. The three members of the Ravens, along with their two managers, made their way backstage, where Dave was waiting and fully prepared for the rest of the gig.
“Where were you?” Ray asked his younger brother.
“I just went outside for some fresh air,” Dave replied, not looking at Ray.
“Oh yeah sure, and I bet you took someone out there with you?”
Dave then looked straight at his older brother as he stressed the word, "No!"
“Really? That’s not like you Dave,” Ray remarked. “You’re normally straight over to a girl and we have to go looking for you.”
Dave did not reply to this comment, he thought it wise to instead have a quick practise on his guitar to make sure he had tuned it correctly, he hated when Ray tried to interrogate him about what he had been up to.
Ray did not want to ruin things that night, so he decided to leave Dave alone for the time being; he knew that his younger brother would kick off if he carried on asking questions. This was something that often happened between the two, where one would say something to wind the other up and it would lead to a full-blown fight, so to avoid this, Ray decided he should mind his own business; he would more than likely find out before too long what his brother had been up to anyway. Ray felt he knew his brother inside and out, so he was expecting Dave to have a girl on his knee after the gig. He was convinced that during the break he had been with some attractive female who would have been more than happy to lift her skirt for him; this was partly the reason why Ray disliked his brother, because his behaviour over the years had been atrocious to say the least...still, Ray decided that Dave could well change in time once he met the right girl.
The Ravens took to the stage once again, all of them smiling at the audience to let them see that they were glad to be back. The audience also were happy to have this wonderful group of boys playing for them, entertaining them all evening. Their music and performance continued to wow the pub that evening and there was no trouble or incidents involving drunken behaviour, although there were a fair few who had obviously had a few too many, it was obvious in the way they danced and the way they would scream for more once a particular song was over. Although Ray did most of the lead vocals, Dave had yet another song to perform, another moment in the limelight, was he ready for it? As ready as he would ever be.
Whatever problems he or any other of the Ravens were having, it would not do any good to perform badly and let the audience down.
As Dave had his moment, he felt glad that he had gone out into the fresh air during the break; it had certainly cleared his head and given him renewed strength to be able to carry on until the end of the whole performance. As Dave sang, he put his whole heart into it, refusing to let his feelings for Mick ruin anything. The guitar he was playing at that point was the first one his parents had ever bought him; it had not come cheap either, and so this made Dave appreciate it all the more. His parents scrimped and saved just to buy it for him, so that he could be just like his older brother.
At first, Dave had looked up to Ray, but as they got older, their relationship had become quite strained. Through their teenage years they would fight over anything, until their parents had no choice but to make them sleep in separate bedrooms to stop them from killing each other.
The brothers’ rivalry had become such, that people began to call them Tweedle-dum and Tweedle-dee. Still, despite their differences, being in a band together seemed to work; it was their rivalry that made it what it was. It began with Dave demonstrating his skills on the guitar to Ray’s best friend, Pete, just to piss Ray off, and to show them both that he could play the guitar just as well as his brother.
Dave’s playing that evening certainly rivalled Ray’s. Ray had always been quite jealous of his younger brother, and with good reason; Dave was very good looking, and people would often compare the two brothers together in terms of looks.
Ray had once overheard his mother talking to their aunt about her boys, her very words had been, “Oh we all know that the baby is the best looking out of the two boys, Dave is bound to be the first one to marry.”
By ‘the baby’ of course she had meant Dave, and these words had hurt Ray very deeply. He was upset and had told Lorna what their mother had said; Lorna had been angry and cheered her brother up by saying, “Dave is NOT better looking than you okay, he is just different! Also, you are a much nicer person than he is, and you know how to treat a girl properly, Dave could learn a few lessons from you. Any decent girl would see that she would be far better off going out with you!”
As the Ravens continued to play, Ray recalled how his sister’s words had saved him from potentially going off the rails. He had since learned not to let his younger brother’s charm and good looks get to him anymore; he had also learned that if any girl was worth keeping, then he would not have to compete with Dave for her affections, as the right girl would love him for him and not fall under Dave’s spell as many girls had done in the past and got hurt.
About an hour before the end, all four boys began to feel like they were ready to drop from exhaustion, emotionally as well as physically; they needed something to help them continue, but Robert had forgotten to hand out the pep-pills. Fortunately, Grenville appeared at the end of a song to hand them out. It was lucky that someone had remembered to look after the band after seeing the bottle of pills sitting there all forgotten.
Grenville knew that because Ray and the boys were going to be exhausted, they would struggle to perform well. He had grabbed a large bottle of water after waiting for them to finish the current song, then walked on and grabbed Dave who was the nearest one to him.
Dave took his pill without a moment’s hesitation; despite the happy show he was putting on for the audience, he badly felt he needed something to perk him up. Mick was never far from his mind no matter how hard he tried.
Ray was a little more reluctant, but then he thought how important this gig was and the more exhausted they got, the more likely he was to get irritable and start a fight with Dave. Pete also had the same thoughts as Ray; he was getting too tired and knew he would not have the energy to come between the Davies brothers if they were to start fighting, so he also felt no choice but to pop the pill too.
However, Mick refused altogether; he would not take anything that was potentially illegal. He had seen for himself when he was in the Rolling Stones how these pills made his band mates hyper, talkative and sometimes they said things inappropriately.
Mick wanted to be in control of his own mind, and he knew that if he had faith, trusted in God and believed in himself, he would not need to rely on drugs to keep him awake late into the night. Besides, he had drunk what must have been at least a gallon of strong black coffee before he came out, and so he was confident that he could keep himself awake.
Shaking his head at what he saw as Mick’s silliness, Grenville left Mick’s pill on a small table, which just happened to be near Mick, along with some water and indicated to Mick where the pill was if he wanted it, then disappeared off the stage.
How Mick managed to keep going for the rest of the band’s performance was a miracle. The pep-pills the others took began to work in a matter of minutes and gave them that much-needed boost to carry on until the end of the show; Mick was becoming very tired but resisted the temptation to grab the pill that had been left for him. Even though the others, who began to notice that their new drummer had obviously not taken his pep-pill as he had been advised, kept telling him in between the last few songs to stop being so stubborn, but Mick kept telling them, “No, it’s okay, I am fine, really!”
Mick proved to be invincible that night as the show drew to a close, and even though Mick would probably have not been able to carry on much longer, he played his drums to perfection with no mistakes.
The audience cheered as the last song ended, and the boys really felt that they had excelled themselves this time. There was just tomorrow’s gig, and then they could have a well earned rest for a few days.
They all met up in the bar after the show. There were people flocking to get autographs from the Ravens, which was amazing as they were not yet famous, but the locals knew all about them now, so it certainly helped them on their way to stardom. They all dreamed of, touring the UK, Europe, the world. Ray had a whole list of songs he had written and not yet performed or even shared with the band, and rumour had it that Dave had written one or two as well.
Ray, Dave and Pete were signing autographs for at least fifteen minutes, then they all decided they needed a break. They politely asked their new fans if they would come back later as they needed a breather, it was fairly overwhelming and at times, annoying that people were being so inconsiderate and not letting them breathe for the sake of autographs; now they knew how the Beatles felt. Although it was nice to be appreciated, they all felt that they needed a little fresh air. Most of the fans accepted that these boys were human beings just like themselves, but there were a few who looked a little put out at being sent away. Thankfully, Grenville came to the rescue and cleared the bar. The fans went into the next room as the boys had promised to come and sign more autographs later.
When the fans had gone, the three guitarists sat down at a table, although they needed a break from their fans, they were not tired as the pep pills were really doing their job now, and that meant they were able to talk and laugh among themselves. Perhaps they would party until the early hours.
“Oh wow,” Pete laughed, “I never thought we would be this popular.”
“I never thought I would find it this overwhelming,” Ray added. “I just couldn’t cope with signing so many autographs.
“Oh it was a nightmare,” Dave sighed, getting out a cigarette. “Oh shit do I need a smoke.”
The other two decided they needed to smoke to. As Ray and Pete were lighting up, they suddenly realised something...or someone, was missing...Mick!
“Hey where is he?” Dave wondered. None of them knew; they also realised that their drummer had not been there for the autograph signing either. Where could he be? Just then, Grenville walked in grinning, “Hey Grenville, have you seen Mick?” Pete asked.
Their assistant manager laughed, “Yes I’ve seen him all right,” he answered, “why don’t you all come and take a look?”
The three young men curiously followed Grenville through the pub and into a small room just behind the stage, they could not believe what they found...or maybe they could, given that Mick had refused to take a pep pill. Their drummer was lying on a sofa, fast asleep. He had been so exhausted playing the drums for so long and not taking anything that he had simply zonked out. Ray and Pete tried their best not to laugh and wake up their drummer, but they did think it was funny. Grenville, who had a kind heart, put his finger to his lips and whispered, “Come on, let’s not wake him, perhaps in future he will take something when he's playing a gig well into the night.
Ray and Pete followed Grenville out of the room, then Grenville turned to them saying, “Robert wants to see you all, he has someone who wants to meet you.”
“Oh really?” Ray wondered, “Who might that be?”
“Yeah, tell us Grenville,” Pete said with great interest. “Who wants to meet us?”
“Come with me then,” Grenville replied, beckoning with his head.
Dave had not followed Grenville, Ray and Pete, who had not noticed that he had stayed behind in the room with a sleeping Mick. Once again he had become so entranced by his band mate, who looked so beautiful while sleeping that Dave could not help but stare at him.
As Grenville had been talking to Ray and Pete outside the room, Dave had stayed where he was, admiring the miracle that was there before him.
Mick looked so peaceful lying where he was, his beautiful face just hypnotised Dave on the spot. Dave admired his features, his luscious lips, the way his chest was rising and falling as he breathed, his dark hair that Dave wanted to run his fingers through; how soft it was and how beautiful under the light. Dave watched him and wished he could just lie there beside Mick and hold him. Dave wanted to kiss those lips and never let him go. He pictured himself unbuttoning Mick’s shirt and taking it right off, he imagined kissing on his nipples, kissing him all over his chest and stomach, gently exploring him with his tongue. He wanted to undo Mick’s flies and feel what was inside the drummer’s pants.
Dave wanted to taste every part of Mick and do things he had never done even in his wildest dreams. Dave looked all around, he checked to see if there was anyone lurking around outside. He saw no-one, he closed the door and turned back to the sleeping Mick. He thought, would it hurt just to give him one small kiss?
The urge to kiss Mick then became so strong, that Dave could no longer think straight; he came closer to Mick, who seemed to be showing no signs of waking up anytime soon. As Dave knelt beside Mick’s sleeping body, he noticed that Mick seemed to be dreaming; he could see his eyeballs rolling around his closed eyelids. Dave wondered what he was dreaming about. He decided that it must be a very peaceful dream, as Mick did not stir and looked very content, and Dave even swore to himself that he saw a small smile on his lips for a split second. How beautiful he looked, and how sweet his breathing sounded, Dave had never known a man...or even a woman to look and sound so lovely while sleeping.
Dave’s heart began to race as he found himself moving closer to Mick’s mouth, he could smell that amazing scent, the most beautiful fragrance Dave had ever known. He became ever closer to feeling those beautiful lips on his own; he had no control of what he was doing now, perhaps it was the drugs, perhaps it was uncontrollable desire...or both.
Dave closed his eyes as he drew ever closer to kissing Mick’s lips and finding out what they felt like, what they tasted like; he was just centimetres away from feeling Mick’s beautiful mouth against his own when...Dave heard the sound of voices coming towards the closed door, it was obvious they were coming into this room. He quickly stood up before he was caught in a compromising position by his brother, who walked in along with Pete, their two managers and a man he had never seen before. He was just quick enough to stand up before Ray peeped round the door, “We were looking everywhere for you Dave, what are you doing still in here?”
“W...what d..do you mean?” Dave asked trying not to sound guilty.
Pete then spoke, “You were supposed to come with us to meet this guy here.” Pete pointed to the stranger.
“Hello there,” said the stranger to Dave, who noticed that this man had an American accent.
“Who...who are you?” Dave asked, confused and still trying to get over the shock that he had almost been caught trying to steal a kiss from a sleeping Mick.
The American held out his hand for the teenager to shake, “I’m Shel,” the man said as he and Dave shook hands, “I watched your gig tonight, you were amazing, I really enjoyed it.”
“W...well thank you,” stuttered Dave, “umm, glad you enjoyed it.
“Listen boys,” Shel announced, “I was really impressed with your gig tonight, you did some great songs I have never even heard before, who wrote these songs?”
“I wrote most of them,” Ray confessed, “but a lot of them were covers by our favourite rock and roll singers.”
“Well yeah, I recognised quite a few of them,” Shel admitted, “but it was those new songs that really impressed me, I would like to help you record them…that is...if you would like to, I think they have potential.”
“Really?” Ray asked in surprise.
“Yes,” Shel replied, “I thoroughly enjoyed it, I think you boys could go far if you really wanted to and really put your time and energy into it.”
“Wow,” was all that Ray could say, he really was shocked that someone actually believed in him and his band. None of them could actually believe it.
Shel handed Ray a small piece of paper, “There’s my number,” he said. “Give me a call when you get time, I want to talk to just the four of you...talking of four, why can I only see three? Where is the other one?”
Pete laughed and pointed to Mick, who was just opening his eyes, he sat up and looked around, “Oh...sorry did I fall to sleep?”
Shel, Grenville, Ray and Pete laughed, and poor Mick looked slightly embarrassed. Still, he soon cheered up when he was told that their gig had been a complete success and that they had managed to impress a top music producer who had signed up quite a few famous bands and singers. It made Mick even happier to hear that the fact he had been recruited as the drummer had really helped to wow the crowd, with his gorgeous looks and his natural talent, Shel pointed out to Mick that he really completed the lineup and a four piece was just what he wanted.
The Ravens never dreamed that this gig was to be the one to help them on the road to fame, they had no idea of the future that lay before them, they had no idea that this time next year, they would be famous.
Notes:
The next chapters, 4 and 5 will include Christmas as it is that time of year but I can't promise to post them both by Christmas I will just have to see. Thanks for reading guys, God bless you.xxx
Chapter 4
Summary:
The band, who are not happy with their name, have decided to meet up to think of a better one; they make the decision to be called the Kinks. Dave is also feeling guilty about his behaviour towards Mick, who is filling his every moment and driving him crazy.
Notes:
I would once again like to thank all of you who are supporting me in writing this story, especially since I had a bit of opposition about who and what I am choosing to write about, I have sadly made the conscious decision to delete my KinkyKate page on facebook until I can gain a little more confidence. Thank you also to my beta, Lady Giovanna for encouraging me from the start (even though we have since fallen out). I think it helps that she doesn't know the Kinks and that she thinks of them as characters, which is really what I have done, turned them pretty much into fictional characters with a few true events too.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Love me ‘til the sun shines
Chapter 4
The rest of 1963 was certainly interesting for the Ravens; to begin with, they decided once and for all to change the band’s name. They did not like any of the names that Robert suggested, much to their manager’s annoyance, but Shel Talmy decided to get involved. He was, after all going to be working with the band quite a lot to try and find a recording company that would sign them; he wanted to work with them to come up with the one name that they loved and would stick to, but what?
The band needed a gimmick, one that would catch the attention of a young audience. Shel thought and thought for weeks what that name could be, something newsy...naughty even...though of course it had to be on the borderline of acceptance.
These boys are unique, Shel thought to himself one evening. They are different, this band name thing is getting a real problem, it needs to have some level of kinkiness to it but...that was when the idea came to him. He called Ray to his house the very next day.
“We are NOT going to be called Kinky!” Ray spluttered at him.
“Oh but come on think about it buddy!” Shel replied at Ray’s objection. “You are so unique after all, and you want to grab people’s attention if you want to make it big!”
“But...but...that’s worse than the Ravens!”
“Why?” Shel asked him, “I think it’s a great name, it’s different from the names people are used to. I mean the Beatles, the Rolling Stones...those bands are great, but their names are just so...well they hardly get people talking, not really, and what you want is…”
“What we want, Shel,” Ray argued, “is to captivate our audiences with our music, not our name! Yes, the name does need to be changed but...no sorry I can’t agree to Kinky, it’s just so…” Ray waved his hands about and sighed as he tried to think of a way to describe it.
“Oh but ‘Kinky’ doesn’t have to have anything sleazy connected with it,” Shel remarked, “It can also be to do with hairstyles and fashion.”
“What the hell has it got to do with hair and fashion?” Ray asked in frustration.
“Well take hair for one,” Shel explained, “kinks can also curl your hair...I mean, Pete’s hair is quite wavy, you could say his hair has kinks, and Dave, I would say his hair gets quite wavy at the ends, so in a way you can see the kinks in his hair...hey...hey actually that’s a better idea!”
“What is?” Ray sighed, exasperated and not looking at Shel, he really did think the record producer was talking complete and utter nonsense.
“The Kinks!” Shel answered, “That’s what you should be called, “It’s unique, it’s fun, it’s captivating!”
Ray looked very doubtful, although he thought the name sounded far better than the Ravens and certainly better than Kinky, he still felt that the Kinks sounded provocative to say the least. Still, he had no idea about any other name, but maybe he could put it to the boys in the band, and also ask Lorna what she thought of this name.
“Can I think about it, Shel?” Ray asked with a sigh. “At least let me talk to the others about it.”
“Very well,” Shel agreed. “But I am telling you that none of you have come up with your own name yet, and that list of names your manager had just…” Shel waved his hand, not really needing to say the rest.
“I will let you know,” Ray assured him. “I personally am not sure I like the name, but I don’t want to make any decisions without the others there.”
“Very well, take all the time you need,” Shel told him. “But I will bet you any money that you won’t come up with a name better than the Kinks.
Ray felt that Shel was right, but he decided to arrange a meeting with his brother and their two band mates in the hope that, together, they would come up with something better. Ray really did not like the name ‘the Kinks’ and so he felt it urgent that he spoke to the boys as soon as possible.
Unfortunately for Ray, he did not have a lot of support.
“You know something, I rather like it!” Pete exclaimed when he heard the new name.
“You have got to be kidding!” Ray said, flabbergasted. “I got you all together so that we could come up with something better, to prove Shel wrong; he seems to think that we would never be able to come up with a better name but what does he know? If we can all work together this afternoon, put our heads together and think long and hard, then we could come up with a great name for our group.”
Ray had got them all together in Pete’s flat to try and convince the boys that they had to come up with a better name than ‘the Kinks’ and fast.
So far, he was getting nowhere, as the rest of them seemed to like the name for some reason which Ray could not fathom.
“You know, I think Shel really is on to something there,” Dave said smiling. “He’s a genius I would say. None of us could think of a decent name other than the Ravens, and he comes up with a new one just like that.”
“Well I might have known you would disagree with me, little brother,” Ray grumbled. “You don’t like the name any more than I do, you just want to piss me off, as usual.”
“Oh don’t be stupid Ray,” Pete said, rolling his eyes. “I think we should give this new name a try; I quite like it, the Kinks...it sounds…”
A far away expression came into Pete’s face as he tried to think of a way to describe it.
“I think we should go with this new name,” Dave agreed with Pete. “I know, why don’t we have a vote on it?”
“No, no!” argued Ray. “We are not having that name end of story!”
“What do you think Mick?” Pete asked the drummer, who had remained silent until now.
Mick hesitated to answer. He quite liked the new name too, but he really did not want to take sides, and he felt sorry for Ray that he would probably be outnumbered. He could also see it from the lead singer’s point of view, the name ‘the Kinks’ did sound just that little bit naughty.
“Oh...I don’t really think it’s fair to ask me,” Mick replied awkwardly.
“WHY EVER NOT?” Dave demanded. “You’re in the band too and you were called here to get involved, oh don’t tell me YOU AGREE WITH RAY!”
“Well...no...I just...I don’t know,” Mick said timidly, a little taken aback by Dave’s sudden aggression. “It’s just that I don’t think Ray really likes the name. Maybe he’s right, he...he wanted us all to come here and try to...to think of something better...so maybe we should see it from Ray’s side too.”
Ray smiled at Mick, “Aww thanks, matey,” he beamed, putting his arm around the handsome drummer and pulling him into a hug, he was glad that Mick did not take Dave’s side completely.
“That’s okay Ray,” Mick said, smiling shyly and feeling a little better after Dave’s small attack. He really was beginning to feel that Dave did not like him at all. If Ray had not shown him such gratitude for sticking up for him, then Mick might have easily burst into tears.
Over the past few weeks, Dave had hurt Mick’s feelings with his general attitude, and there was one particular evening when Mick had to leave the room so that the boys would not notice that he was crying over Dave’s rude behaviour towards him. It seemed that he was getting bullied all over again just like he had been in the Rolling Stones.
“Okay, well it seems we are half and a half on this then,” Pete sighed. “So what’s to be done?”
“Why can’t we just try out this new name?” Dave grumbled, part of him actually did like the name ‘the Kinks’, but a bigger part of him really did want to piss his brother off, just for the sheer fun of it.
“Because I DON’T FUCKING WANT TO, that’s why!” Ray growled at his brother, who was already starting to rub him up the wrong way, and they had only been together at Pete’s place for ten minutes.
That was when Dave did something very childish, he made a V-sign to Ray, who then lost it and lunged at his younger brother, intending to get hold of Dave’s fingers and bend them back. Pete, as usual, grabbed hold of Ray to stop him.
“RAY STOP IT!” Pete shouted. “There’s no need to do that is there?”
“Nutter!” Dave said with a smirk.
“Stupid little BRAT!” Ray snarled in response.
“Just stop it both of you!” Pete scolded. “Honestly you both need your heads banging together, fighting over something as pathetic as a name for our band? We’re here so that we can discuss this like adults, so just grow up both of you. Dave, there was no need to make such a rude gesture, and you Ray, need to learn to control your temper. You are the older brother after all.”
“WELL, HE STARTED IT!” Ray cursed angrily, “STUPID FUCKING MUMMY’S BOY!”
“Oh shut the fuck up you CUNT!” Dave swore.
“There you go again!” Pete said, very exasperated, “You’re both as bad as each other, now stop fighting and GROW UP, the pair of you!”
Mick did not say anything at all during this argument between the brothers; he was quite disturbed and upset to see them fighting. Was this what he would have to put up with if he was to remain in the group? Would they be constantly at each other’s throats?
Mick noticed this was a regular thing now, where one of them would say something the other did not like, and it would escalate into a fight, and these fights sometimes got very ugly too. Dave still had a bruise around his eye where Ray had clocked him one for making a rude remark about a line from one of his songs. Dave had said that the words did not flow very well and that they should be changed. Ray had told his brother to shut the hell up as he liked the words just as they were and the song as it was.
Dave would not shut up, however, as he had gone on to tell Ray that he was a complete idiot, a useless songwriter and maybe he should think of getting someone else to write the band’s songs if he could not handle constructive criticism. This was where Ray had lost it and punched Dave right in the side of his face, narrowly missing his eye, which Mick thought could have partially blinded Dave. This had all happened a few weeks ago while the band were playing a gig in Plymouth, the police had even been called and the brothers had received a caution. Grenville had told both the boys that he had never seen such disgraceful behaviour, and that they both needed their heads banging together. Even Robert, who normally let Ray and Dave get on with it if they wanted to fight, felt a little embarrassed by the two.
It certainly had been eventful for Mick for all those weeks after his first two gigs with the Ravens. He was quite embarrassed by the fact that they had told him he was the one responsible for their success that first night, but how could he be? Mick had pointed out that he was only a drummer, Grenville had responded, “Exactly, it was getting a drummer which improved the group’s popularity.”
“I don’t understand,” Mick had replied. “How could it? I mean...I'm nothing special.”
Mick remembered how he had then been told to stop putting himself down. He smiled at this thought, it felt so nice to be wanted, yet he also felt sad to think that Dave did not appreciate him as much as the others did.
As Pete continued to argue with Ray and Dave about their fighting and pettiness, Mick stood up and walked to the nearest window in the living room of Pete’s flat. He just could not believe how his life had changed in such a small number of weeks, it was almost overwhelming.
Apart from Rachel, Steve and Julie, Mick felt that he had found a new family with this band.
He was beginning to feel a great affection for all of them, even Dave...no, especially Dave. Yet, he could not understand why Dave did not want to be his friend; it hurt him as he had got to a point now where he was thinking about Dave more frequently and, given the way Dave was treating him, he could not understand why that was. It was not as if Dave was worth the time of day if all the teenager would do was ignore him when the band met.
Over all of the weeks that Mick had been with the band, it was very rare that Dave would speak to him. Mick wanted to try to make friends but somehow, Dave found a way to avoid him like the plague. Thanks to Shel, the band were not just playing in London anymore. They were travelling out a little further; they already knew that the record producer was looking around desperately for a record label to sign them. Sadly, Decca had turned the boys down, but there was no way that Shel would give up; wherever the boys played, the audiences seemed to love them.
Mick had no idea of what Robert was telling everyone, but the manager was saying that it was because his beauty that was attracting a large female audience, if Mick had known what the manager was saying about him, he would surely have been quite mortified.
As Mick’s three band mates continued to argue, he began to wonder if the little problem about the band’s name was really going to be sorted out, perhaps it would help if he stepped in and told Ray that maybe they should try using this new name ‘the Kinks’ after all.
Perhaps Ray would grow to love it...and perhaps it may be possible that Mick could find favour with Dave if he decided to be in agreement with him, if only for the sake of peace and for the sake of not having to put up all afternoon with the two brothers arguing. Mick watched the three young men sitting on the floor around the coffee table, still unable to solve this nightmare of a problem that had the potential of really coming between them.
Mick thought to himself: Now here are the facts, Ray is unsure of the Ravens being changed to the Kinks, he called us all to a meeting because he wanted to discuss it with all of us and to see if we can come up with a better name. The fact is, Pete likes the new name and so does Dave, I like it too and I think it suits us for some reason, although there is nothing kinky about me that’s for sure. I know what I’m going to do. I am going to stop them all from arguing and tell Ray straight that we should give this new name a try. I will calmly tell Ray that although I do see it from his point of view, I also think none of us are very good at names for bands. I don’t want him to think I am taking sides, and I certainly don’t want him to feel we are all against him, but having said that, I don’t think we are going to get anywhere if I don’t step in now.
So that did it, Mick walked back to the little group who were still bickering, sat down calmly in between Dave and Pete, and, with his heart pounding fast, piped up over his three arguing band mates, “Hey hey, come on listen.”
These words made them all go silent as the three were taken aback by Mick, who was normally so shy. They looked at him, waiting for him to say his bit. Mick ignored their surprised looks and spoke up again, “Look, guys,” he said, very matter of factly but still obviously a bit nervous, like someone who was determined to speak but was fighting back the anxiety. “I know that...I’m not normally...one to speak out but...and Ray, please don’t think I’m against you because I’m not but…”
“Go on then Mick,” Ray said in an encouraging tone, putting his hand on the drummer’s shoulder. “You say what you have to say.”
“I...I actually think we should give it a go...you know...being called the Kinks.”
“Do you Mick?” Ray asked, curious. “Why?”
“Well...I actually quite like the name,” Mick explained. “In a way...it sounds quite fun.”
Ray was unsure of how to reply to that, and Mick was worried his band mate was disappointed in him, and so added, “Ray, that really doesn’t mean I’m going against you and taking your brother’s side, really but…”
That was when Dave decided to interrupt, knowing that Mick would not stick up for himself, “Not take my side, Mick? Well, WHY EVER NOT eh?”
Mick could feel the sarcasm in Dave’s voice and was hurt by it for a reason that he could not explain. Pete once again scolded the younger Davies brother, “DAVE, leave Mick alone, he's only trying to be helpful, so there’s no need to take that sarcastic tone!”
Pete could see that Mick was struggling to continue and so he encouraged the drummer by placing a hand on his back, rubbing it gently and asking Mick to carry on with what he was trying to say. Mick really wanted to give up after another unprovoked verbal attack from Dave but was determined to man up just a little and have his say.
He was sick of being an easy target for bullies; he took a deep breath as he made every effort not to cry, saying, “Look, I like the name okay, and that is really all I want to say on the matter. I...I just thought it would be helpful because you did ask me before but I didn’t say anything because...I was worried about how Ray would think that we are all against him about the band’s name, and I felt sorry for him, but Ray, that’s all I want to say, my honest opinion. I am, however, still your friend and if you are really not happy with the band’s name being changed to the Kinks, well...then if you want I will still be happy to work with you today to try and come up with one that you will be happy with. I want you all to be happy and I don’t like to see you fighting.”
With that, Mick got up and walked to the front door, the others watched him as he opened the door and Mick told them not to worry, he was just going to get some fresh air and would be back in a minute.
When Mick had gone out, the three remaining band mates looked at each other completely bewildered about what had just happened. Whatever had happened seemed to have a positive effect on them, though, as at least they had all stopped arguing and being childish.
Mick stood out in the driveway trying to calm himself down, he could not believe what he had just come out with. He had never really had his say properly before, he had normally gone with the flow and allowed others to make decisions. Come to think of it, Mick had never had any choice as a Rolling Stone.
Mick lit a cigarette and leaned against the wall as he thought of how his whole life had turned out. Quite an interesting life it had been too, though Mick had had a childhood that no-one would want. Although, even with the trauma and the loneliness, he had always remained ever gentle and kind; he would never wish on anyone what he had suffered right up until the age of thirteen when he had finally run away and escaped a life of loneliness, abuse and neglect.
It was not until he was taken in by his foster mother Rachel that he began to experience love and happiness, and he had certainly wanted to make up for lost time. Mick had never really had a family in the traditional sense, so he had always appreciated love and kindness when it was offered to him freely. It was only through meeting Steve, who he looked on as a brother, that he discovered his hidden talent for playing the drums and how he had ended up playing in bands. Mick felt that this band really was the one band in which he felt he belonged and in a way, it was like having another family while he was not with Steve, who was the same age as Dave.
Mick and Steve had done everything together, up until Mick left secondary school, leaving home in the hope of making something of himself. Mick had always struggled to know what kind of career he wanted; he never truly believed that he would ever make it big in a band...and yet, here he was; there was the talk of them signing a recording contract shortly, and yet none of them could agree on what to call the band. Mick felt that it would be a terrible shame if this were the one thing that was holding them back from being a success.
Then there was the issue of Dave, who he could not work out at all. Dave was the one band mate who, Mick felt was not making him feel welcome in this band. It was becoming all too much for him, where he was trying to have his say and stop the brothers from fighting, and he felt that all Dave ever seemed to want to do was have a go at him or else ignore him completely. Mick wracked his brains trying to think what on Earth he could have done to upset the youngest band member.
Mick was glad he had come out in the fresh air; he had been struggling to fight back tears after Dave had started on him. He had been crying as he came outside for fresh air and he wondered if the others had noticed this as he walked out. Having a cigarette always seemed to calm him down a little when he was upset. Mick had started smoking after he had caught Steve doing the same thing a few years ago in Rachel’s garden shed.
Mick, who was older than Steve, so had always vowed to look after him, had asked Steve what the hell he was doing. In the end, Steve had broken down and explained to Mick how smoking seemed to calm his nerves. Steve had explained how he was being picked on at school by some older boys and he had no idea of how to cope with it. They both knew that Rachel smoked and Steve had decided to take one of her cigarettes and try it. Mick said that if Steve was going to smoke, then he may as well start himself. That was how Mick had got into smoking; it was the last thing anyone expected him to do, as Mick seemed so sensible to everyone. A lot of boys in school also seemed to do it on the sly, and so it seemed to have become the norm for many young people. Back in those days, nobody seemed to see smoking as a real threat to a person’s health, and so it was a very common thing indeed.
Although Mick was unique and special in many ways, he had come to find that having a cigarette a few times a day helped him to deal with the traumas of his past, that and keeping a diary, which he always carried about with him.
Another of Mick’s many problems was the fact that Dave Davies was regularly occupying his thoughts. Mick had always known deep down that he was attracted to men rather than women. He had dated a girl a while back, and although he enjoyed her company and loved talking to her, he felt he could not really give her what she wanted from him. He liked holding her hand, he even let her kiss him, but he felt nothing for her in the physical sense. Mick was happy spending the day with this girl when he got the chance, even a cuddle on the sofa was fine with Mick, but he never wanted to take their relationship any further. Although the girl, whose name was Lucy, loved the way that Mick treated her with such respect and looked after her, she also felt a great passion and longing for him and a need that she felt was not being met. Lucy wanted to sleep with him. Mick, however, felt unable to do this, he loved Lucy but only as a good friend.
In the end, Mick felt that he and Lucy had no future together; he told her he would always be her friend, and although Lucy was heartbroken, she knew that she had to accept this.
Mick became lost in his train of thought, he felt calmer after a few drags from his cigarette, and wondered if he should consider going back inside to see if the boys had come to an agreement once and for all about what to call their band. He felt that he had already said his bit, and so hoped that it would encourage them to stop bickering about the whole thing.
Mick suddenly felt a hand on his shoulder and he jumped.
“Sorry Mick,” said a cheerful voice behind him, it was Pete.
“Oh hello there Pete,” he said, laughing. Pete was one person that Mick found he really liked, there was something very gentle in his demeanor and in a way, Mick felt safe in his company.
“Are you okay Mick?” Pete asked, concerned.
Mick smiled, grateful that Pete cared for his well being, “I think so,” he replied, not really sure if this was true. “I don’t know, I’m sorry for walking out like that...I just felt a bit...why doesn’t Dave like me?”
“Oh Mick, don’t worry about Dave,” Pete said, kindly. “It’s not worth getting upset over him, really it’s not. He’s just a kid, not yet seventeen. I don’t know what his problem is either but...just between you and me I think he’s a bit jealous of you.”
“Why on Earth should he be jealous of me?” Mick asked, totally confused.
Pete shrugged, “He’s very immature at times,” he answered. “On that day when we introduced you to him, he made a big thing about being the best-looking member of the band, you know, the one that all the girls are after, and then he sees you and how good looking you are and…”
“But that’s so ridiculous!” Mick exclaimed, completely puzzled by what he saw as a totally absurd and crazy suggestion. “You really think that this is why Dave’s being so funny with me? Why he’s been avoiding me this whole time because he’s jealous of my looks?”
Pete nodded with an awkward smile, “It’s more than likely, yes.”
“But it’s just not true,” Mick said shaking his head. “We’re just...I don’t know...different that’s all.”
“Well believe what you want,” Pete laughed, “but I would say, that is most likely the explanation for his behaviour towards you.”
“Why does he have to be so hurtful?” Mick sighed.
Pete put his hand on the drummer’s shoulder and said in a kind voice, “Look don’t worry about it Mick, take no notice of Dave; it’s just his way.”
“I want us all to be friends, though,” Mick said sadly.
“I know,” Pete said in a soothing voice, “Just give him time, he may grow up yet; you’re a nice guy Mick. You’ll be able to win Dave over, make him see that you are no threat to him...oh yes, completely off the subject, but I came to tell you that for the time being, Ray has agreed to settle on us being called the Kinks.”
This cheered Mick up a little, “Oh that’s good Pete, I am glad.”
“Me too,” agreed the bassist. “He doesn’t really like the name, but at least, it means that we won’t spend the rest of the day arguing; we can just relax for a bit.”
Mick suddenly realised that Pete had left Ray and Dave in the flat alone together; he wondered if it was a good idea as they could end up killing each other, and he jokingly pointed this out to Pete, who laughed again. “No, I think they’re okay at the moment, what you said before you came out here really got us all thinking actually. Even Dave was going on about how maybe he should behave more like an adult, which is really the most sensible thing he's said all day...no, correction, the most sensible thing he’s said in a long, long time.”
This made Mick laugh, “Well I’ve achieved something then.”
“Come on, if you've finished smoking do you want to come indoors again?” Asked Pete putting his arm around his new friend. “Not that you really needed to have come outside; you can smoke in my flat. I do, Ray and Dave do...yes I know, you needed the fresh air.”
“I’m afraid I did,” Mick admitted, “but I feel a bit better now so yes I will come in.”
The two friends went back inside, laughing together. Pete began telling Mick about the many fights the Davies brothers had had in the time he had known them.
Dave realised that he had been dreaming of Mick his whole life, for as long as he could remember. It had all started a long time ago when Dave was just a boy. He could not quite remember how old he had been when these recurring dreams began, but every night for many years, he would have the same dream, then wake up the next day and completely forget about it all. He would go on with his every day life as if he had never had the dream at all.
Every night, Dave would fall asleep, dreaming of nothing for hours; then this strange dream would come to him without fail.
Dave dreamt that he was standing on a pier looking out to sea. It was a place that he did not recognise, it was night time and yet the sky had the most beautiful colours and the moon so big and bright it lit up the sky so that everything around was very clear and vivid. Dave could see the moon reflecting in the water, the stars so bright, brighter than he had ever seen them in his waking life. As Dave looked out, he saw a figure at the end of the pier, he felt he had to go and see who it was. He was not at all afraid as he ventured out. Although the pier was fairly long, it did not seem to take him very long to get to the end, as he got closer to this person, he could see that whoever was there looking out to sea was a young boy just like himself. As Dave approached this boy, he did not feel at all afraid, something was telling him that he had to go and talk to him. Dave put a hand on the boy’s shoulder, the boy turned to look at him…
That was where the dream always ended, every single night. But Dave would never get further on in the dream at all and he would never remember it; he would immediately go into another dream...or dream nothing at all until he woke up the next morning and once again forget all about the whole thing...that is until the day he met Mick. The day he met Mick was the day that this recurring dream came back to his head; he realised that Mick was the boy from the dream. The strange thing was, Dave had begun to remember that this dream he dreamt every night would change every now and again. The dream would sometimes last a little longer, he remembered how sometimes in the dream, he would approach Mick, who would have tears in his eyes. Dave did not understand how he could now remember the dream, but for years, he would wake up and never know that he had dreamt it. Why did he remember it now? Mick in the dream would grow up with Dave over the years. He would get older, more attractive, not only more attractive, but the dream became a lot less sad, Mick would turn around and he would smile at Dave whereas for a long time, he would look at Dave either very sad or crying and Dave felt he wanted to comfort him. It was strange how Dave had no knowledge of the dream on awakening. Yet, the dream would become happier as Dave got older, the sky was not a night sky quite so often, sometimes it was broad daylight and the sun was shining; sometimes, Mick looked around and waved to Dave from the end of the pier, and Dave would run to him feeling happy. The dream always ended in the same place, and Dave and Mick never conversed at all.
That very night after first meeting Mick, he had had the same dream again but this time, Dave awoke and remembered everything that had happened and, after so many years of it ending in the same place, his dream lasted so much longer. For a start, after meeting in the same way for so many years, Mick, who was now a man, as was Dave, turned to him and kissed him. The dream did not end there, this time, Dave and Mick walked back along the pier with their arms around each other. Dave often thought of this dream every day since meeting Mick, though he hardly dared to believe that it actually meant anything at all. These kinds of feelings were, after all, illegal at that time and Dave never imagined that one day, that would no longer be the case.
Dave was thinking of all this a few days after the band, now called the Kinks, had met at Pete’s to discuss the name. He was sitting alone in his own flat thinking of Mick, who was so beautiful, so kind, and yet Dave was finding it so impossible to make friends with him. He simply felt it too good to be true that there was a chance of this dream coming true and of Mick returning his feelings.
Dave’s way of dealing with all of this was to avoid Mick as much as he could and when he had to speak to him, to speak harshly, sarcastically and negatively. That way, if the dream he had been having for most of his childhood was just that, a dream, then he would not be disappointed if Mick was to meet someone else. Dave could not bear the thought of setting his heart on Mick if he could not have him, although it was a shame that Dave was too immature to realise that by behaving the way he was, that even if Mick did feel the same way, that very soon he would drive Mick away with his rude attitude. Dave’s behaviour was also his way of dealing with that self-loathing he was feeling for being attracted to another man after sleeping with girls for so long.
Dave knew that this kind of behaviour was not winning him any favours with Ray and Pete. They were both becoming fed up with how he was whenever Mick was around. True, he had been an idiot long before Mick ever arrived on the scene, but this was different. Dave’s band mates were not the only ones who noticed his behaviour. Robert and Grenville also noticed that Dave was acting in a very hurtful way towards the drummer. It was especially noticeable when Mick would be approached by groups of young girls who wanted his autograph. Mick was always very polite, kind and obliging towards these girls, who obviously thought he was gorgeous. It was assumed that Dave was jealous of the female attention Mick was receiving. Before Mick came along, girls would approach Dave, who would often flirt outrageously with some of them, especially the very pretty ones.
It was true, Dave was jealous, just not in the way everyone thought, Dave knew his jealousy was directed at the girls and not at Mick. Dave wanted Mick so badly but found it unfathomable that he would be able to have him. Sometimes while the band were travelling around, there were times when Dave felt he wanted so desperately to start being nice to Mick and to make friends with him just as his brother had done and as Pete had done, but he was afraid. He was afraid that he would get hurt, he was afraid that one day, Mick would get a girlfriend and he would have to put up with seeing them together, which would kill him.
Another worry was that even if Mick did not get a girlfriend, that they would become close, and one day, Dave would not be able to resist the urge to lunge forward and kiss Mick on his beautiful lips. Dave had often wanted to do so, many a time. The deep wanting sometimes would almost drive him crazy; this was where he would get very angry, paranoid and depressed and take his frustration out on poor Mick, who sadly was still an easy target despite Ray and Pete’s efforts to toughen the drummer up a little. They both wanted him to learn to stand up for himself, especially against the likes of silly Dave.
Dave would always feel bad about his unkind behaviour; he knew that Mick had done nothing wrong. The drummer did not deserve to be treated like this, Dave just could never bring himself to apologise to Mick and to try to be nice to him; the fear of getting close to Mick and having his heart broken was just too great, and so Dave had continued to behave like an arsehole.
It was now December, and the week before Christmas. Dave did not feel like celebrating, but he knew he would never hear the last of it if he failed to put any decorations up in his flat. Dave knew that Lorna and Patti would be on to him, he also remembered how Mary used to love Christmas, and so the main reason for decorating his flat and putting his Christmas tree up was to keep his beloved sister’s memory alive.
Sadly, since her death, the Davies family had not really done Christmas, they had put a tree up each year but that was about it. Christmas was just too sad without her. It had also been the anniversary of her death just a few weeks ago. Bonfire night. From that day onwards, it had become the worst night of the year. It was that night, five years ago, that Mary had gone to a dance and had never returned. It had been expected that she would not come home until very late or even the early hours and so, no-one had waited up for her.
Dave remembered Ray admitting that if he had gone there with Mary instead of staying at home sulking about one of his enemies from school being there, that this awful tragedy might never have come to pass. Ray blamed himself, as he had stayed away to avoid any kind of confrontation with this said enemy of his, who he had fought with in the school field many a time. Dave felt if Ray had decided to be an adult and gone there anyway, and enjoyed himself like everyone else, Mary would still be alive. Dave remembered how Ray had cried and said how it would have been better to have gone to this party and to have got into a fight than to have this horrible thing happen to their sister. In a way, Dave sometimes blamed Ray for not being there to protect their sister, who had walked home from the party on her own, and was raped and murdered that very night as she took a short cut through the field which led right to their house.
Dave wondered if he or any of his family would ever have a happy Christmas again. He was planning to spend Christmas Day and Boxing Day at his parents’ house and Ray would also be joining them. Both brothers promised that they would behave and not fight. That was one thing at least that they could both do to ensure the family had as good a Christmas as they possibly could, given the circumstances that had plagued their family for the past few years.
Pete was going back home to Devon for Christmas and was going to spend a good two weeks there, and so they would not see him until the new year. It also happened to be Pete’s birthday on New Year’s Eve, and as they would not see him, Dave had given him a card before he left. Selfish brat that he was, Dave always remembered peoples’ birthdays.
Dave had no idea what Mick would be up to over the festive season, but he certainly hoped that the drummer would have a happy Christmas, as he knew he had not really made it easy for poor Mick over the past couple of months. Mick, however, did not seem to be holding that against Dave, and Mick had proven that by giving him a lovely Christmas card and had written a lovely message inside it too, it read; To Dave at the top and the message inside said,
Wishing you lots of fun
now Christmas time is here
With lots of happy memories,
and a wonderful new year.
Underneath the message, Mick had written, Hope you have a great Christmas, from Mick.
The card was really pretty too, it had a picture of a Christmas tree, which was covered in snow, with cute bunnies singing Christmas carols around it and the picture had a purple background. There was glitter on the snowy bits to make it look extra pretty.
Mick certainly had a very good taste in cards. Dave really began to feel bad for the way he had been treating him and giving him the cold shoulder, but thinking about the drummer made him so very sad. Christmas for Dave was a very sad time anyway.
Deep down, Dave wanted to be nice to Mick, but he was so afraid of where these feelings for his band mate were going to lead, that he felt this was impossible. It seemed that shattering Mick’s confidence was the only way to deal with it.
Dave now knew he wanted Mick so desperately, but it just seemed likely that this love could never be fulfilled. Mick was all he thought of from first thing in the morning until the last thing at night. Dave would dream of him constantly, every time he shut his eyes, Mick was all he would see. He now knew that Mick was the only one who would be able to make him happy, the only one who would be able to bring him out of this dark abyss that he had found himself in, and Dave did not know if he would ever get out.
Nothing distracted Dave from thoughts of how beautiful Mick was, his eyes were like no other eyes he had ever seen before; they shone green, like jewels, especially when he smiled and his lips looked so soft, he wanted to feel them against his own.
Dave even wrote these words down on a piece of paper but made sure it was kept in a safe place where no-one would find it. It was especially important that he kept this piece of writing to himself, as he was not only describing Mick’s beauty, he had also written down the things he wanted to do to the drummer. In his own words, Dave had written a detailed account of his fantasies as he imagined what it would be like if Mick were his:
How can I ever get these crazy thoughts of Mick from my mind? He does this to me every time I see him, he is like an angel sent from Heaven, but they are feelings I am quite sure I should not have. It scares me to think that every time I see him I have to resist the urge to throw my arms around him and kiss him. I want to kiss him and explore his mouth with my tongue. I want to taste him and touch him all over. I want to take all of Mick’s clothes off and see him fully naked, lay on top of him, explore every part of his body. I long for him to let me do all these things to him and more, I want to do all those things that they say is illegal. Mick is too beautiful to resist and I know I would be beyond happy if he was to return my feelings. The love I feel for him is just driving me crazy which is why I act the way I do whenever I see him, I love him and can’t bear the possibility that someone else could win his love and take him for their own. I want Mick to be mine, all mine. I want to make him hard. I want to make him moan, I want to make him scream with pleasure and ecstasy. I want to get him on all fours so that I can fuck him again and again. I love him so much and I long for him to love me.The love I have for Mick cannot compare with anyone else’s love. I want to make love to him for hours into the night and then to fall asleep in his arms, I want to wake up with him beside me in my bed each morning for the rest of my life. Mick is all I can think of. How can I ever get over him? His eyes are so bewitching, they are beautiful, green as emeralds, I want to look into those eyes and want him to look back at me and for him to tell me that he loves me. I just want to hold him, to feel him inside of me, I want to have him with me in my lonely bed so then it would not be quite so lonely. For him to hold me and keep me warm at night would be so amazing. Whenever he is around, my heart is beating so fast, my stomach like butterflies. Every time I hear his voice I can hardly breathe, so strong is my love for him. I don’t think I will ever get over this. I dream of him every night, I dream that we are on the sand making love, the beach is so quiet and nobody ever comes near, we are always the only ones there. I wonder if these dreams can ever become real. I wonder if there is a chance I can be with him. Help me, who can help me now?
Dave hid this piece of paper in the bottom drawer of his bedside cabinet, he felt so afraid of these feelings he had and yet he wanted Mick more than ever. He held the beautiful Christmas card that Mick had given him, he looked at Mick’s handwriting; it was quite different to the way most men wrote. Dave could only describe it as very pretty, artistic even. He had read once that a person’s handwriting reflected their personality; he tried to think of a way in which he could describe Mick just by looking at the words he had written. Beautiful, mysterious, shy. These were three words that sprung to mind when he thought of Mick and his writing. Dave placed the card on his bedside table and lay on his bed; he could not sleep, but he did not want to do anything else that night at all. Dave lay there for hours until he fell asleep, dreaming of Mick, the one he loved.
Dave stayed at his parents’ house the following week on the night of Christmas Eve. He was glad to be back there for a little while and his mother was glad to have him back. Mrs Davies was a different person whenever her ‘baby’ was around and she strongly felt that he should never have left home. Ann never forgave her husband for suggesting that Dave move into a flat. Deep down, Dave did not really want to, but at times he felt suffocated by his mother even though he loved her very much; being the favourite of the family did have it’s advantages though. When he lived at home, so long as his father was not around, Dave usually got what he wanted. Dave’s siblings knew that their mother would do just about anything for her favourite child, so sometimes if they needed something and their father was not around, they would get Dave to ask her for them and so long as Ann believed that the favour was for Dave, she usually said yes. However, they would have to go about it carefully because if Ann found out they were using Dave to get what they wanted, they all knew that their mother would not be happy, Dave would always go unpunished but whoever had wanted the favour would have been in trouble. The severity of Ann’s punishment really depended on what mood she was in.
Dave was glad to be back in his own bedroom again, his mother always made sure his room and Mary’s room were left exactly as they were. He wondered if he had been too young to leave home, but living in the flat meant he did not have to take the bus home every day from college and his job. Also, he really wanted to find out what living alone would be like, so he jumped at the chance when Ray decided to move out of that flat and back to Muswell Hill. His father had arranged everything for him, his mother fussed over him and kept telling him that if he got too lonely, then he could move back home anytime. There was a time when he loved living alone, and he could bring a girlfriend over and have her stay the night, but that all changed when he met Mick, who had turned his life upside down. He could not stop thinking about him and longing for him. Since he had stopped having girlfriends, he did feel lonely. Mick now occupied all of Dave’s thoughts twenty-four-seven and living alone was driving him crazy, the only way to deal with these feelings was to write them all down; he even thought he would write a song out of this one day.
Dave had not needed to bring any clothes with him to his mother’s; he still had plenty in his wardrobe and he would often come back home to see what he had in there, and maybe change if he wanted to. His mum had told him not to bother packing a toothbrush either as she would have one for him. She had thought of everything when it came to Dave, who was her world.
Unsure of what to do next, Dave ventured out of his bedroom onto the landing; he could hear Lorna singing in her room. She had a Rolling Stones LP on; Dave could not believe that Mick used to be in that band and he wondered if, like them, he and the Ravens...or the Kinks as they had now decided to call themselves, would ever be a success as the Stones were.
It sounded like his sister was busy so he left her to it. He hoped that she had a present for him, he smiled to himself as he thought she probably would. He went downstairs to find his mum; she was sitting on the sofa and the wireless was on, playing Christmas carols and she was sitting there smoking a cigarette.
“Hello Mum, can I come and join you?” None of Ann’s other children would have been able to say this.
Ann looked up at her youngest and favourite son and smiled happily, so glad to see him, “Of course baby, what a silly question, you can always join me.”
Dave sat beside his mother and lit his own cigarette, which of course only he could get away with. They both sat there in silence for a few minutes. There was not much to say as they were both quite tired, but they were comfortable in each other’s company. They would often just sit together and not talk at all, or sometimes they would talk about everything. Dave sat back comfortably, cigarette in between his fingers and looking at the Christmas tree, which Lorna had decorated and Dave knew this, though of course he also knew that his mother would try to make out that she had done all the work, and he would simply shake his head and let people believe that. Suddenly Mrs Davies remembered something, “Would you like a glass of sherry my darling?”
“Oh yes please mum,” Dave never could say no to any drink, especially if it was alcoholic.
Ann reached for a bottle that was on the floor and picked up two empty glasses that were on the small table beside the sofa. It was where Ann always sat and where she kept all her things: her cups of tea or coffee, her books and sewing for when she was in the mood to do it. She gave her son one of the empty glasses and filled it up, Dave was only sixteen, but Ann did not care about that at all, she thought it was cute to see her baby do grow up things like smoke and drink. However, there was no way she would have offered Ray or any of her daughters a glass and woe betide them if they had ever been caught smoking as youngsters.
“So nice to have you back my little sugar,” Ann said stroking her son’s hair.
Dave took a small sip of his sherry before saying, “Nice to be back Mum, I do miss you when I’m not here.”
“Are you sure you are happy in that flat?”
Dave rolled his eyes, his mother had asked him that so many times before and he had always assured her he was, but now he was not so sure; he missed home and it was so comforting to have someone to sit and talk to of an evening, someone he had always been close to. Since meeting Mick, there had not been any girl in his life and so the evenings he had spent alone were not very pleasant.
Dave answered her question, “Well...I am but…”
“But what my love?” Ann asked looking hopefully at her son.
“Well...I’m kind of...well...I am glad to be back here Mum,” Dave said a little awkwardly, not knowing how to explain his feelings. “It’s nice to be back...I’ve been kind of on my own the last couple of months...well apart from when I’ve been working with Ray and the band but...you know I’ve not been seeing anyone at all.”
“No girl is good enough for you in my eyes,” Ann said putting her arm around Dave and pulling her son into a hug, “You’ll always be my baby even when you reach thirty.”
“Aww thanks, Mum,” Dave said with his head on her shoulder. “I don’t have to go back to my flat too soon after Christmas Day do I?”
“Oh my darling, you don’t have to go back there at all if you don’t want to. Stay here, you’re far too young to live on your own anyway.”
Dave laughed, “Oh it’s not all that bad Mum, but I do miss you and I want to stay here a bit while I’m off work and college, spend a bit of time with you and the rest of the family.”
Ann shook her head, “Oh sod the rest of the family, I want you,” she said, kissing her son on the side of his head. “You’re my little baby and if you are planning on going back to that flat, I want to make the most of you being here for Christmas. You are the only good thing in my life since we lost Mary you know.”
Dave took a drag of his cigarette and leaned his head on his mother’s shoulder, she cuddled her son, saying, “I know we haven’t had very good Christmases since we lost Mary my darling, but having you around makes things all the more bearable. Don’t know what I would do if I lost you.”
“Why on Earth would you lose me, Mum?” Dave asked before putting his cigarette to his mouth again.
Ann sighed, “Well I lost your sister didn’t I? That makes me all the more protective of you.”
“Yeah I know Mum,” Dave sighed, “but you know the same thing rarely happens twice, I will always be here, I practically still live here anyway.”
Ann laughed a little at this. It was very true, when Dave had nothing else to do, he was usually over at her house and often spent the whole day there either playing his guitars or just doing nothing. He would often bring his clothes over to her house for her to iron, though Ann would only ever do this for Dave and never for the others.
“Yes you do as good as still live here baby,” Ann admitted, “and we’re going to try and have a good Christmas this year.”
“I have actually been organised this year surprisingly Mum,” Dave said with a wink. “I managed to wrap all my presents up before I got here, wait until you see what I got you, you should like it.”
“Oh darling, you didn’t have to spend your money on me you know,” Ann said, kissing her golden boy. “You aren’t that rich yet, your band hasn’t made it big though it has kept you away from me more since you met that record producer you were telling me about.”
“Mum, I have a feeling that next year we will have signed a recording contract and you will hear our music on the radio...AND I will have got you a television so you can watch us.”
“Oh baby I would love that,” Ann said happily, “Even though it will mean I see less of you. Why don’t you bring your band mates round here sometime in the New Year?”
Dave felt a little shocked that his mother did not seem to want to include Ray as one of her children. She just included his older brother as one of his band mates rather than as her other son. Perhaps Dave was getting a conscience, at last. He said nothing about this though and agreed that yes it would be a great idea to have them all over sometime. It was strange, but Dave was glad that Ray would be coming over tomorrow for Christmas Day, perhaps it would give them a chance to be nice to each other.
Fat chance of that, Dave thought, but as it’s Christmas I will try to make the effort for once.
Dave and his mother talked well into the early hours as often they did, especially as his father liked to spend Christmas Eve at his favourite pub, the Muswell Tavern. Ray would often join him there too, and in fact, Ray did say he may be going there tonight. Dave, however, passed up the opportunity as he felt he wanted to spend time with Mum and he would be seeing enough of his brother tomorrow. The brothers would more than likely be together for much of next year if Shel’s promise to sign them to a record label was to be kept.
Tomorrow, Dave would be with Ray, Lorna and their parents, opening presents around the Christmas tree. Later, Patti, Eddie and Sophie would be joining them for dinner. Dave was glad to hear that Rosie would not be turning up with her husband Arthur, as there was the chance that she would upset Lorna. The two sisters really did not get on, and their rivalry certainly put his rivalry with Ray into perspective. The last time Lorna and Rosie had a fight, the police had been called and the two had not seen each other since.
Dave decided to leave things as they were for now, but he made up his mind that in the New Year, he would try to bring the two sisters together again somehow. He had actually set himself a fair few challenges after Christmas and this would be one of them. Another one was to write more songs and to try to get on with Ray a little better. He needed these distractions so he could find a way of facing his biggest challenge of all, to get Mick out of his thoughts.
Notes:
Thank you for reading, I would like to stress that this story is pure fiction but it is based on a real life band. I make no money from my writing, what I do is a hobby and I would also like to stress that this story is in no way written to imply that any member of the Kinks or the Small Faces (who will appear in this story later on) had/have homosexual inclinations (apart from Dave who I have since found out that he is openly bisexual). In some parts of this story, true events are mentioned but none of the gay stuff (as far as I know, lol) and also Mick Avory and Steve Marriott are only foster brothers in this story, I cannot say for sure that they even met. I am also keen to point out that Ray and Dave's mother was probably a lovely person in real life who loved her children all the same. I have also changed the names of Ray and Dave's sisters. Please do not take any of this seriously or assume that these things really happened, though it is true that Ray and Dave used to fight. Lol.
Chapter 5
Summary:
Dave celebrates Christmas at home with his family, but Mick is never far from his thoughts. Also, as 1964 begins, so does a new chapter for the band as they finally secure that all important recording contract.
Notes:
Thanks once again to my beta, Lady Giovanna (even though I'm not talking to her), also thanks to all of you who are reading this story and to those who have left kudos.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Love me ‘til the sun shines
Chapter 5
Dave awoke in the bedroom that he had slept in throughout most of his childhood. It was Christmas morning; it had been a long time since he had felt excited about Christmas and sadly, this Christmas was no exception from the last few.
He remembered a time when Christmas was his favourite time of year; as a boy, he would always be the first to wake up. Dave would jump out of bed and run around the house shouting in excitement that it was Christmas day, waking everyone up. First he would run into his Mum and Dad’s room and wake them; of course, his mother would get up straight away as it was him, whereas anyone else and she would tell them to push off and not to wake her at the crack of dawn. His father only tolerated this because it was Christmas, and he believed that it was a time of year for peace and harmony and being nice to one another. Any other day, and Frederick Davies would have got angry; he really hated being woken up unless it was necessary.
Little Dave would then go and wake up the rest of his family, first Ray, who would be almost as excited as Dave, but, like their dad, he hated to be woken up any other time, except on his birthday or if they were going somewhere exciting.
Dave would then go and wake up his six older sisters; the second eldest two would usually be quite grumpy and so would Rosie, the second youngest.
Mary, Patti and Lorna would always tolerate their very cute but often very annoying and spoilt little brother, but they never held it against him; after all, it was their mother’s fault that he was such a little brat.
Those days were now gone; Christmas was no longer fun, and it was filled with much sadness for the family, although this year, they were going to try and make it a little more pleasant. There were also going to be gifts for everyone and Christmas dinner for the first time in five years.
Dave looked at the clock beside his bed; it was five past eight, this was the earliest he had awoken on Christmas day in quite a long time, perhaps that was a good sign. He got up, and sat there on his bed for a few minutes, wondering what Mick would be up to that morning, would he already be up and opening presents at Rachel’s house with his foster siblings? Or perhaps Mick was just getting up like he was. He doubted very much that Mick would still be in bed, he was probably helping his foster mum make breakfast, and he thought he had overheard Mick telling Ray and Pete that Rachel had taken on a couple of other children now that Mick and the other two were grown up.
Dave wondered why Mick had ended up in foster care in the first place; he seemed far too nice. He had met a couple of children at school who he knew lived in an orphanage not far from his home, and he had not liked them at all; they seemed wild and rough and Dave remembered how they were both very disruptive in class. He wondered if Mick had always been as nice as he was. Dave thought that perhaps if he made more of an effort to get to know the drummer, then he would find out more.
Dave stood up and looked out of his bedroom window that was facing the front onto the street. He knew that Ray would be over later. He had got his brother a card but not a present as Dave had no idea what to get him and, truth be told, they had not really been getting on very well. He had bought chocolates for the family to share later, so it was not as if Ray was really missing out altogether.
It had not snowed that year, but Dave could see that it still looked very Christmassy outside as it was freezing, and there was frost everywhere. The house was cold, and Dave was shivering, so he put on his dressing gown and slippers, which his mother had bought for him before he came over to stay. He made his way downstairs and decided to warm up the living room by making up the fire, he fetched some coal from outside and placed it into the hearth. He lit several matches that he threw on top of the coal and watched as the flames began to glow. Dave warmed his hands by the fire until they felt lovely and warm and the heat started to fill the whole room. He relaxed on the sofa for a few minutes, wondering what he could do with himself while he waited for everyone to get up.
The Christmas tree in the corner had a small pile of presents under it. Dave remembered as a child how the pile used to be much bigger, yes their parents would just buy them all one present each, but they had relatives who would spoil them too.
Suddenly, his thoughts were distracted by a voice behind him, “Oh my goodness darling, you’ve done your sister’s job!”
Dave looked around; it was his mother, she had come down and was wearing the pale pink dressing gown he had bought for her last Christmas.
“My sister’s job?” Dave said with a puzzled expression.
“Yes it’s her job to do the fire every morning in the winter, that was what we agreed my darling if she was to continue living here, but I am glad you have done it if she can’t be bothered.”
“Aww don’t be hard on Lorna mum,” Dave said, kindly but a little confused at why his mother would expect her daughter to get up so early to light the fire, “It is Christmas and she was working all of yesterday from what I heard, she’s tired. I did the fire because I woke up and was cold, it was no problem, oh and happy Christmas.” He got up and hugged his mother; she gave her beloved son a kiss.
“Happy Christmas to you too sweetie pie,” Ann said with a smile.
Dave was the one person to bring out Ann’s soft side, as well as her granddaughter, Sophie. Apart from those two and sometimes her husband, she really did not care very much for anyone else.
“How about a nice cup of tea while we are waiting for everyone else to get up?” Dave offered cheerfully.
“Of course baby, I’ll just put the kettle on.”
“No, I was offering to make it Mum,” Dave insisted, “You sit down.”
“Oh what a good little boy you are,” Ann praised her son, “I am so lucky to have you.”
She kissed the favourite of her offspring and sat down with a book while Dave went into the kitchen.
Dave had not always treated his mother very well, there was something nagging at him that told him he had to change his ways if he was to stand any chance with Mick, that is if there was the off-chance that Mick would reciprocate his feelings, which were now very deep and strong.
For years, Dave had been a complete and utter brat and had got away with his bad behaviour time and time again. He had sworn at his mother and had no respect for her, and yet he had got away with it every time; if his father had wanted to punish him, his mother would not have any of it and often, rows would escalate between Mr and Mrs Davies over what to do with their wayward son. Dave could do no wrong in his mother’s eyes, but everyone else knew differently.
Now Dave began to wonder if being nice to people and being unselfish was the better option, perhaps then more people would like him. He remembered how he had upset several girls during his teenage years. There were a few times when the parents of these particular girls would come round to the house complaining about him, and there would sometimes be blazing rows out in the street that the neighbours could hear; the police had been called many a time. His mother would always side with her son, but it caused a lot of conflict between Dave and his father.
Dave felt he had had enough of being the centre of attention now. His life now was all about Mick, this beautiful young man had come into his life and changed him, could it be that he had been changed for the better? He just did not know. If I am in love, how can it be wrong? Dave thought as he placed the kettle on the stove.
While the kettle was boiling, Dave looked around the kitchen to see what he and his mother could have for breakfast. There was bread, eggs, bacon and sausages in the fridge; perhaps he could make a cooked breakfast. He went to ask his mother if she would like one; she was sitting enjoying her book and having a smoke, she smiled and told him once again that he was a kind and caring little boy and she would love a fry up if he were making it.
Dave rolled his eyes, “Mum, I’m not a little boy, I’m nearly seventeen now.”
(Dave’s seventeenth birthday would be in just over a month’s time.)
“Doesn’t matter,” Ann said as she looked back at her book. “You will always be my little boy.”
Dave shook his head and went back to making the tea and to begin making the breakfast; he hoped that his dad and Lorna would not be up for a while yet as he wanted to have time with his mother.
Luckily, Dave was in luck that morning; his father and sister did not get up until gone ten, and so he and his mother had breakfast together, and he told her about all the things he had been up to with the band in the past two months since they had recruited Mick. His mother listened with great interest at the tales he had to tell, about how they had been travelling a little further out than London, and about how he was very sure of how they would soon be famous.
Ann Davies was a total bitch to the rest of the family, but Dave seemed to bring out her nicer side and perhaps that was a part of Dave’s plan, perhaps he could now see the error of his ways now that he was getting older. For years, Dave only had to stamp his foot, and Ann would pander to him. Dave felt perhaps he would now try to make up for how spoilt he had been as a boy. He thought perhaps losing his eldest sister made him see all that was really important, a combination of that and his feelings for Mick, who was good and kind despite not having a real family.
As Dave ate and chatted away to his mother, he suddenly felt a sort of happiness that he had not felt in a long time; perhaps it was the spirit of Christmas. Perhaps it was falling in love; he also wondered if what he felt for Mick really was just a passing phase or perhaps being back at home with his parents. If only for a few days, did him good and probably living all alone in a flat at such a young age was not quite so good for him after all. Dave made up his mind that he would ask his parents if he could move back home; he knew his mother would have him back in a heartbeat as she had been against him moving out in the first place, it was just his father he worried about.
Dave decided he would forget about bringing it up for today as he did not want to ruin Christmas by causing arguments, but he decided to bring the subject up in a couple of days.
Around eleven o'clock, Lorna was up and sitting at the kitchen table, peeling carrots and potatoes for Christmas dinner, which they were going to have in the afternoon. Her mother always gave her the jobs she found the most tedious, but Lorna did not mind, she would normally get on with it and sing as she worked until her mother would tell her to ‘put a sock in it’.
Mrs Davies was preparing the turkey ready to put in the oven; Dave had disappeared upstairs, promising to come and help out later. They had not opened any presents yet as they had all decided to wait for Ray, Patti, Eddie and Sophie, and they would all celebrate what they decided would be the best Christmas in quite a few years.
Dave was back in his bedroom, sitting on his bed with his acoustic guitar. He was trying his best to come up with a song that described how he felt about Mick. Although he never really planned to share it with anyone, he just needed something to do to help him pass the time. He knew how he felt in his heart, but he was really struggling to get the words out and was finding it very frustrating.
Ray seemed to be the best when it came to writing music, which was why he was the band’s songwriter. It just seemed to Dave that it came easily to his older brother; he wondered if Ray had a secret trick to it, though he was not prepared to seek Ray’s help on this one, for obvious reasons. What made Dave feel more afraid than anything was having his feelings for Mick found out. As Dave was not feeling a song coming at that point, he decided to jot down notes about his crazy feelings and the dreams he had about Mick, he wrote some random words in his notepad. He wrote down about meeting Mick, how beautiful he was and how he was never out of his thoughts and dreams. Dave was very careful not to mention in writing that the person he loved was a man, nor did he lie and pretend it was a girl.
Dave looked at all his words after he had finished writing them; he felt frustrated that he could not get a song out of them. Perhaps a tune would come to him later; in the meantime, he closed his little notebook and hid it away in his guitar case. It was then that he heard voices in the hallway downstairs; it was Lorna talking to someone. He went to the top of the stairs to see who it was, and sure enough, Ray had arrived, and he was hugging Lorna and wishing her a Happy Christmas. Dave could also see that his brother was handing her a present and from what Dave could see, Ray seemed to be telling her to hide it and not let anyone see that he had bought her a gift. Dave assumed this meant that Ray had no present for anyone else. Dave chuckled to himself; he knew their mother would be funny about this, knowing her.
Dave did not care that his brother had bought him nothing; after all, he did not have a present for Ray either.
Dave was determined there would be no rows today between anyone, yes there was a time when he would have snitched on them to his mother, but now he decided to be different. He was going to try and grow up, even if it was just for that one day in the year.
Dave and his family really made the effort to all get on and enjoy the Christmas celebrations that day. As soon as everyone was up, they all got together, opening presents and really enjoying the rest of the morning.
The family had not attended church at all since they lost Mary; they decided that they had to take baby steps when it came to Christmas, and what they were doing that morning, the fact that they were even celebrating Christmas again, was a beautiful thing indeed. For years, they had always attended church on Christmas mornings and Mary always enjoyed going; she had enjoyed everything about Christmas, which was why, when she died, they felt that going to church again would be too painful for them all. The fact that she would not be with them and the fact that she would no longer share in the laughter, the fun and the joy of Christmas, was just too much. So they had stopped celebrating Christmas at all, until now. Since losing Mary, they had still kept up the tradition of decorating the Christmas tree in her honour, but now they took the baby step of coming together as a family once more, even though it was not the entire Davies family, and Lorna knew that no doubt her mother would blame her for this.
Rosie had refused to set even foot in that house while Lorna was still living there. Lorna and Rosie had never got on at all but one day, after returning from work, Lorna caught Rosie reading her diary and had gone ballistic. She had physically attacked Rosie, and the two sisters had one of the worst fights the Davies family had ever seen, it even rivalled the fights between Ray and Dave. Their mother had actually called the police, ordering them to come round and arrest Lorna; luckily for Lorna, the police did not take it seriously and had, not only refused to come round just because of two sisters having a silly bitch fight, but they laughed at Ann too. Fred had pointed out to his wife how silly she was to call the police over such a thing; he had also said that it was not as if Rosie was entirely innocent in all of this, as she should have left Lorna’s diary well alone and then none of this would have happened.
Lorna did hope that her mother would hold off until the next day from having a go at her about Rosie not being there with them, even if it was just for Mary and for the sake of the family being together at Christmas.
Luckily, things worked in their favour that Christmas day. Patti came over with Eddie and five-year-old Sophie, who wasted no time in showing them all the presents that Father Christmas had brought her. Sophie looked very much like one of the Davies family with her dark hair, which was quite wavy and had been cut to her shoulders, and she was very pretty like her mother. Sophie’s father, Patti’s former boyfriend had never even seen his daughter, nor did he wish to. He had disappeared when Patti had told him that she was pregnant, and he seemed to have vanished without a trace. Ray and Dave had always said that it would be better for him not to come back to Muswell Hill at all. Otherwise, he would regret it because they would be teaching the guy a lesson if he ever showed up again, not for getting their sister in trouble but for abandoning her when she needed him. Since meeting Eddie, Patti had moved on with her life, and Eddie had taken on the little girl as if she were his own.
Lorna was so glad to see her little niece and gave Sophie the gift that she had bought for her, pretending that Father Christmas had left it at the wrong house by mistake. Sophie unwrapped the present, and her eyes widened with joy as what was inside the beautiful pink paper was something that nobody had thought of buying, it was a Shrinking Violet doll that said eleven different phrases when you pulled the string at the back. Sophie had enjoyed watching The funny company since it had been aired on television that year. Eddie was able to afford to buy a television with the job he did. Sophie hugged her Aunty Lorna, who she had always been close to and was always reluctant to part from.
“Well that was nice of you Lorna,” Patti beamed at her younger sister when Sophie had left the room with her new doll and her other toys she had been spoiled with. “How did you manage to find that doll? Not sure I saw it in any of the shops.”
“Oh it was in my Christmas catalogue,” Lorna answered with an almost mischievous smile. “I ordered it some weeks ago knowing that none of you would think of getting it.”
“Well I’m very glad you did; Sophie loves dolls and the more she has the better.” Patti laughed, and the others laughed too.
“Sophie still hasn’t opened mine and your dad’s present Patti,” Ann called out from the corner of the room. “Why don’t you tell her to come back in from wherever she is hiding?”
“Okay I will mum,” Patti said obligingly. “She usually takes all her toys into a corner somewhere and reads to them.”
This made everyone laugh. Lorna felt happy to see that the family were beginning to come together again for Christmas, even though she was sad that Rosie and her other two sisters had decided not to show. She felt that, compared to the last few Christmases, it was certainly a start.
The rest of Christmas day was a fun-filled one for the members of the Davies family who were present. Christmas dinner was the traditional turkey with all the trimmings, and for dessert they had a beautiful sherry trifle that Lorna had made. The mother kept trying to make out that it was her own doing. Lorna did not want to argue with her about this, and although the others knew that Ann was being unfair and stupid, they did not want to risk ruining Christmas by starting a row.
All in all, Christmas day was as pleasant as could be expected in the Davies household, though it would be a long way before they could even hope to have every member of the family at the house where they had all grown up.
Ray, Dave, Lorna and Patti all agreed that Christmas 1963 had been a very good start in rebuilding their lives following their sister’s tragic demise five years ago. They agreed that whatever happened in 1964, the four of them would try to work together from now on to ensure that all the family would make every Christmas special, and that it would be the one time of year where they would not fight or alienate each other.
They all did the usual things that many families did on Christmas day, playing fun games, dancing to music; Ray and Dave even managed to perform a duet together without falling out. The trouble was that Ann only seemed to want to praise Dave for his talent and completely overlooked Ray. Their father noticed this, so made doubly sure that he praised Ray up himself, for his musical and song-writing talent.
Fred had always known that his wife preferred her youngest son to the rest of them, and he hated this. Fred loved both his boys the same, and he felt that Ann had never done Dave any favours by mothering him the way she did. Fred actually began to wonder now if there was another reason for Dave’s promiscuity during his secondary school years; he had noticed that Dave had never been without a girlfriend since he was fourteen and it was never the same girl for more than a month or two. He had noticed that Dave did not always treat them very well; his youngest son’s behaviour angered Fred very much, yet Ray was always a gentleman towards his girlfriends.
Fred had no favourites among his children, he loved them all the same and always encouraged them to achieve their full potential. He especially wanted his boys to make something worthwhile of themselves; he knew that they both had a passion for music, and although Fred loved music, he wanted Ray and Dave to have ‘real jobs’.
Dave’s behaviour made Fred feel that his youngest son could use a little discipline as Ann let him get away with murder. One night, two years previously. He had looked into enlisting both Ray and Dave into the French Foreign Legion; which Fred knew very little about. He had however heard about it from a work colleague, and although the training regime sounded very brutal and psychologically draining, he had begun to wonder if Dave could benefit from it, though Fred knew that his wife would never forgive him if he were to send her ‘baby’ away.
Fred also felt that Ray, although a decent young man who knew how to treat a girl and got his hands dirty if he needed to, was not as tough as Fred would have liked. Ray could be sensitive and a little too submissive at times to a couple of the girls he had dated, either that or they were just very strong girls, but he felt that Ray could learn to put a woman in her place. He decided in the end that both Ray and Dave could benefit from a stint in the armed forces, Dave for the discipline and Ray for toughening up just that little bit.
Fred took everything into consideration; it was not as if Ray was a complete wimp. There had been times when Ray had been in trouble at school for fighting, either with Dave or with other boys; there had even been a time when Ray came to blows with a lad in the playground because of what Ray heard him saying about one of his sisters. It was true that Ray could stand up for himself and those he loved, but he just needed to be able to put a woman in her place. Besides, Fred knew it would not really be fair if he did not treat both his boys the same; he certainly did not want to sink to Ann’s level of favouritism and mollycoddling. Still, Fred loved his boys very much, and he knew he would miss them if they went away; he had got them both together one evening to discuss what he wanted for them. Not surprisingly, Ray and Dave had not liked the idea at all, it was just not for them; their passion was music, and that was that.
As Fred sat with his glass of port listening to both his sons entertaining the family with their music. He still wondered why he ever let the subject drop of the two of them joining the Foreign Legion; he supposed it was because he loved his boys far too much ever to bully them into doing something that was not for them. Also, he had found out that the training for it would require both of them to be away from home for five years without ever coming home, and he knew that not only would he miss them, but he would have to live with his wife pining away for her Dave. Fred felt sad that she did not seem to care for Ray or any of their daughters very much; he also knew that she had a particular dislike for poor Lorna for a reason that Fred could not fathom. Still, he was not going to have these negative thoughts he had about his wife spoil any of the Christmas celebrations; he wanted to try to make this a happy occasion, the family celebrating the festive season properly for the first time in five years. He was sure his beloved eldest daughter was watching over them now and smiling that they were finally trying to move on and make Christmas special once again.
Christmas came and went, the New Year had begun and with this came some news that the boys in the band had been waiting and hoping for. Shel Talmy had managed to find a record label that was willing to sign the boys, a company called Pye records. Shel had shown them some of the band’s original material, and they had been very impressed with it. The bosses at Pye Studios wanted to see them as soon as possible and this excited the boys, who, despite Ray’s qualms, had finally settled on the band being called the Kinks.
It was just a few days after Mick had celebrated his twentieth birthday on the fifteenth of February (Dave had turned seventeen on the third) that the band paid a visit to Pye Studios.
It was situated in Great Cumberland Place in Westminster, London. None of the boys had ever been in that part of the city before, and so was all very new to them, though the building did not look anything special, they knew that would hardly matter when they were in there recording all of their songs and hopefully getting somewhere with their music. As the boys walked towards the entrance, they saw the name of the place, ATV House on the side of the building, they were going to be meeting Shel there, and he was going to introduce them to a man named Bob Auger who was the technical manager there. The boys had come as usual along with Robert and Grenville, and they felt a little apprehensive as they felt that they were ever nearer to possibly recording an album. Shel had told Ray of the songs he had been most impressed with, and so he had shared them with Bob, Ray was now going to find out exactly what this man thought of his music. Ray had to keep telling himself that there was nothing to be so nervous about, as Shel had already told Ray that Bob and the rest of the production team had been impressed, but his songs were his babies, and so he was scared of the possibility of a wider audience hearing them. Grenville and Pete had both told him time and again that his songs needed the world to hear them, but the anxiety was really kicking in that day.
The band and their two managers approached the entrance of ATV house, none of them knew why they were so nervous that day, after all, they were just paying a visit to talk with Shel and this production manager about what they wanted to do; they had not even brought their instruments and so that gave them a good excuse not to play any music when they were feeling so apprehensive.
“Ready to go in you lot?” Grenville asked them all cheerfully.
“No I’m not,” Ray replied honestly. “Don’t know if I will ever be, I mean this is what I...I mean we, have always wanted but now that it’s happening...or almost happening...well I’m not quite sure that I can face it at all.”
Robert tutted at the band’s lead singer, “Really Ray,” he sighed a little scornfully. “You moan at me for ages because I seemingly can’t get you anywhere with your music, and go on about how you want to make people happy with your songs and when it finally happens, you make out you can’t face it?”
“I’m sorry Robert,” Ray sighed. “But it’s just so nerve-wracking when it actually happens and in all honesty, I never really thought that it would.”
Robert looked offended and flabbergasted at what Ray had just said, “What so you really had NO faith in me at all, is that what you are saying, young man?”
Robert put his hands on his hips and glared at Ray, and Grenville felt that he had to have his say on the matter, though not in Robert’s favour, much to the other manager’s irritation, “Oh come on Robert,” Grenville said in defence of Ray. “You can’t deny that it wasn’t exactly you who got us here today, it was only since meeting Shel that the boys have ever really got anywhere at all, and also…”
“Excuse me!” Robert argued, “I was the one who got in touch with Mr Talmy in the first place, so you have to give me some credit you know!”
“Oh come on, let’s not argue about who got us here,” Pete said, once again stepping in as the peacemaker. “The point is that we have got somewhere now, and I for one am glad it was now and not sooner, after all, we might never have got Mick otherwise.”
Mick smiled as well as blushed at such a lovely thing said by Pete, “Aww that’s a nice thing to say, Pete, thank you.”
Pete put his arm around the drummer, “I think it’s Mick who has helped us to get where we are now; after all, you can’t really deny that we were nothing without a drummer.”
“Oh I am sure any other drummer would have been just as helpful,” Mick said modestly.
“I don’t think so Mick,” Grenville opined. “The other ones we had were a waste of space if I’m honest, and they were nowhere near as talented and good looking as you.”
“Oh stop it,” Mick blushed again. “That’s not true!”
Robert really was annoyed now and made no effort to hide it, “LOOK YOU LOT,” The manager bellowed with his face bright red with irritation. “Are we going to go inside or are we just going to stand here arguing about who deserves the credit for you finally getting a record contract? We all know it was ME who made the effort, no-one else! Now let’s go in before I really get mad and hit someone!”
“Yes, boss!” Grenville said sarcastically; he felt that it was best not to argue anymore.
Ray and Dave just quietly followed the two managers in. Dave had not commented at all during this argument between their two managers; he was just as nervous as his brother, that and he was still longing for Mick who he now knew was the one for him. He had certainly been wrong about these feelings being a passing phase and since Christmas, he had not gone back to his flat but had stayed with his parents; he just could not face living alone anymore.
Pete still had his arm around Mick as they walked in, with Mick confiding in Pete that he found compliments quite overwhelming at times; Pete laughed and told him that he needed to learn to get used to them.
Inside, the ATV building did look a lot nicer than on the outside; the reception area had nicely decorated walls, and it seemed very welcoming, it was very airy too and somehow seemed to take away some of the anxiety that the boys and even their managers were feeling. As they walked in, there was a woman who looked in her thirties; she was smartly dressed wearing horn-rimmed glasses, her hair was in a beehive style, and she had a friendly manner that also helped to relieve some of their anxiety, she was holding a clipboard in her hand and looked up, smiling at the party that had just come in, “Hello there,” she said cheerfully, “and who might you all be?”
Grenville held his hand out to her, and she shook it in a friendly manner, “I’m Grenville, this is Robert, we are here with our proteges the Kinks.”
Robert looked a little put out that Grenville had taken it upon himself to try and do the talking, the cheek of it. He said nothing however as he was done with fighting that day.
“Oh yes, the Kinks!” The woman said excitedly, “I had heard all about you.” She glanced at her clipboard, “Oh yes, your names are all on here though it just says ‘The Kinks’, it hasn’t got all of your names at all.”
“Is that important?” Grenville laughed.
“No not really,” the woman said with a flirty wink. “I believe Bob is waiting to see you all. Shel Talmy came here about half an hour ago or more, I had never met him before but I do like him; he’s such a gentleman and not at all bad looking.” The woman giggled excitedly and looked at all the boys, they all got the impression that this fairly pretty receptionist liked what she saw, they also thought she seemed very excitable.
“Okay, so where do we go and meet this man Bob?” Robert asked sounding a little sulky but desperate not to lose his patience; he was sick of hearing her voice already.
“Oh yes, come right this way,” the woman said almost squeaking with excitement.
She led the Kinks and their managers through a door at the back and down a fairly long corridor and would not stop talking as they walked along, they learned that her name was Daphne and she talked non-stop to Grenville about the famous people who had walked through these doors before, among them had been Lonnie Donegan, Petula Clark and the Searchers.
“Oh the Searchers are pretty good,” Pete said cheerfully. “We may even meet them.”
“Oh yes they were in here all of last year recording their debut album,” Daphne stated as they walked up two flights of stairs. “I like them, they’re lovely, they’re touring at the moment though so you won’t meet them just yet. I do miss seeing them though; I’m hoping they will be back here soon doing their thing.”
“Yes no doubt we will meet some interesting people when we start coming here,” Robert agreed, he had cheered up a little. “I hope there will be some lovely girls here too so we can pair the boys off with them.”
“Oh really?” Daphne said as she halted for a second to give a stern look at Robert. “And exactly what kind of girls were you hoping to find for these boys?”
“Well...I mean apart from your good self my dear,” Robert said suddenly feeling awkward. “I...I really just mean that I hope there are some nice girl singers around who might...impress my boys.”
The four Kinks looked at each other shaking their heads at this; they knew that their manager did not like the fact that his boys were all single, because he worried that this might get people talking, starting rumours about them. Daphne just made a thoughtful sound and led the group through another door leading into a smaller corridor, she walked to a door opposite and knocked three times, they heard a faint voice on the other side calling out, “Who is it?”
“Oh Mr Auger,” Daphne called in. “I have the Kinks here to see you.”
The door opened and a man with light brown hair and a friendly face that looked to the group to be roughly in his mid-thirties emerged, he thanked Daphne and smiled at the boys before saying, “Well I’ve been expecting you guys, thanks for coming.”
“You’re welcome sir,” Robert muttered, quite tired from walking up all of those stairs and just wanted to sit down and smoke. “Where’s Shel?” Robert added.
“Oh, he’s just in that room relaxing.” Bob replied pointing to another room to the left. “It’s where people like to go for their breaks and things.”
“I’m going in to see him,” Robert muttered. “I hope that I’m allowed to smoke.”
“Oh yeah sure,” Bob said cheerfully. “I think that's what Shel’s doing too.”
Robert disappeared into the room Bob had pointed to, he just wanted a break; managing these boys really was hard work sometimes.
Grenville decided to stay with the Kinks and Bob; he wanted to be with them every step of the way if Robert could not be bothered. They were going to discuss Ray’s songs, the job each band member did and also Grenville felt he needed to be there in case Ray and Dave had one of their sibling fights again; it was usually himself or Pete who would come between them, and nobody knew when one of them was going to start.
Bob showed them all around the recording studio he managed and introduced them all to some of the production team who all seemed excited about meeting these four boys. It turned out that some of the team had seen the Kinks play live last year when they were called the Ravens and had been impressed by them. As the day went on, Ray’s anxiety and the nerves of the other three Kinks slowly went away as they saw what a friendly team there was at Pye Studios. Bob even demonstrated to the boys some of the recording equipment that they were all frightened to touch for fear of breaking it, but he assured them it was easy to use and not easy to break; this made Ray joke to Bob, “Oh I don’t know about that Bob,” he joked. “If Dave gets into one of his tempers then it will be easily broken, and we will have to pay for the damage no doubt.”
“SHUT UP!” Dave shouted at his laughing brother. He looked very annoyed, and this made Pete, Mick and Grenville worry that this was going to cause a Davies fight; fortunately, Bob prevented that by asking the boys if they wanted to have a go at recording their voices. The boys all jumped at the chance to have fun and for half an hour or more they all messed around, even Grenville joined in.
“Next week, you will have your guitars and drums with you.” Bob laughed as he watched Mick singing into the microphone with Pete, they noticed how Mick had a surprisingly nice voice.
Why does everyone assume that drummers can’t sing? Dave thought as he watched Mick with awe, wanting him badly.
“WHAT NEXT WEEK? Ray gasped in shock. “Sorry didn’t think it would be that soon!”
“That’s what Shel and I decided,” Bob stated. “Or...unless you would rather not, of course; you seemed a little shocked.”
“Well...well yes I am,” remarked Ray. “I...I mean it’s good and all...but...next week? How come?”
“There’s no time like the present,” said a voice behind him.
Ray and Dave looked around; it was Shel, he had finally shown up with Robert, who they noticed seemed a lot less grumpy after having smoke with his friend.
“Yes, I suppose I should have told you that,” Robert shrugged. “I booked your first recording session for next week, but it must have slipped my mind, all you have to do is sign these papers that Shel has with him.”
“Well, why doesn’t that surprise me?” Grenville moaned at his co-manager. “Wouldn’t be the first time you had sneakily done something without discussing it with the lads and me first.”
“Well I am sorry, but I had to make up for lost time didn’t I?” Robert said defensively. “After all we promised them for a long time we would get them a recording contract, and I knew that Ray was losing faith in me, so I just wanted to prove him wrong. Yeah I know Gren, maybe I should include you a bit more.”
“A bit more?” Grenville argued. “I feel like your bloody skivvy sometimes, I do all the hard work with looking after the boys, I do two jobs, I am like the road manager too with all the driving I do, talking of which, I want us to get a road manager!”
“Sure, sure,” agreed Robert. “Once these boys have sold some records and we can afford one, we will get one.”
“Damn right we will!” Grenville said in a very matter of fact way. “Also, from now on I want to be in on every decision we make!”
Ray, Dave and Shel were sitting there listening in amusement at the two managers bickering as they sometimes did. Pete, Mick and Bob had also just come to join them, and they all sat round a table discussing next week when they were to bring their guitars, drums and amplifiers along and test the sound they made, they were also hoping to try out a few songs too.
Before they left that day, the Kinks did the most important thing and the biggest step of all, they signed their first recording contract with Pye records, whether they were ready or not, this was the big moment where it would be make or break.
Notes:
I am taking a small break...very small, from this story, just so that I can give my Mick and Dave mpreg story a bit more attention but I promise it will not be long before chapter 6 is here and I promise for it to be good. I also promise for some real drama and sexual tension between Mick and Dave. I can't tell you when they will actually be getting together but I can promise that when they do, it will be good.
I have now finished chapters 6 and 7 and they are waiting to be betad, hoping to get them posted in the very near future
Chapter 6
Summary:
As the Kinks are recording their debut album, Dave writes a song inspired by Mick
Notes:
Thanks to my beta once again and to all of you reading this story, i hope you are enjoying it. Any comments really would be appreciated, it will probably make my day.
I own no rights to the song 'Love me til the sun shines'. It was written by Dave Davies; they are his words, not mine. What I love about the song though is the fact that there's no mention of any specific gender, and so it is easy to imagine it's about another man, and to me, it is about Mick. The line, 'Baby you can wear my clothes' says it all really.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Chapter 6
1964 was the year that the Kinks made it. Their recording contract with Pye Records was signed, and things seemed to be finally moving for the band in the right direction. They spent much of their time at Pye studios with Shel, Bob and their two managers. They had many laughs, but there were also many fights; usually between Ray and Dave, but sometimes Robert and Grenville would clash too. It could sometimes be something small, which would lead to something big, or else it could be something a bit more serious to do with family; the two brothers had been asked on several occasions not to bring their home life to work with them.
Although Dave was doing his utmost not to be a spoilt brat anymore, he still had a vicious temper, and Ray was fairly hot-headed too. Sometimes, there would be fist fights; and either Mick or Pete, their managers or anyone from the production team would have to come between the two warring brothers. There was much speculation as to why the two brothers did not get on, yet they were in a band together, so how did it work?
There were times when peacemaker Grenville would ask the two brothers to come outside with him; sometimes their faces were bruised and bloodied from fighting, and he would try and sort out their silly feud. He would talk to them, quite rationally and calmly about what it was that made them rub each other up the wrong way. Neither of them were prepared to talk about it, except to say that each one found the other very annoying.
“Look you two,” Grenville had said one day with a sigh, “I know you’ve both had a lot going on the past few years, and I understand how much you must hurt, but all this fighting, this hatred, is there any need for it?”
There was a lot of bitterness between them both; many reasons were behind it other than just sibling rivalry, but both brothers knew that their fighting was putting a strain on the band.
Their fighting was affecting their band mates; Pete would become exhausted and stressed when he constantly had to come between them and be the peacemaker. Mick would feel very uncomfortable, and sometimes was afraid that one of them would start on him; he felt glad that he had Pete to talk to. Pete was friendly, funny and a good listener.
When the two brothers were arguing, Mick and Pete would walk out of the room just to be away from them, and would sometimes talk about the idea of walking out on the Davies brothers altogether to start their own band. Pete told Mick that he knew a few nice guys who would probably be more than willing to join them to form a new band, but Mick had only just got used to being in the Kinks and, despite the fights and dramas, he felt attached to all three of them. He felt a great affection for his new friends; even Dave, who had been quite horrible to him when he first joined the group, had seemed to have grown up a little, and Mick was glad to finally get to know the youngest band member.
“Well, you and me starting a new band is something to think about,” Pete shrugged, as the two both sat at a table in the studio canteen one day when the brothers had been at it again, this time over an amplifier.
Mick and Pete had both walked out of the studio for a little while to get away from Ray and Dave. “I mean, if those two get too much, if they do nothing but fight, then how is this group going to work anyway?”
“It will,” Mick gently reassured him. “Just have faith and it will all work out fine.”
“Well, I wish I had your confidence, Mick,” Pete smiled, shaking his head at what he saw as the drummer’s naivety. “You haven’t been with us that long at all.”
That was true, Mick had only been with the group a matter of months, but Pete had been with them for well over a year, and he knew the trouble that the brothers were capable of causing when they felt like it.
“I am slowly getting used to you all now,” Mick smiled with a tired face, as he held his mug in both hands and leaned back with a yawn.
“You tired?” Pete asked, with an amused sort of grin.
“Let’s just say I need this coffee Pete,” Mick answered, yawning again. “Don’t forget I still have to work at the factory until I know exactly where my life is going. I mean, I did say that I’m not prepared to quit my job until I’m sure the band is going to make money.”
“Yeah, it must be hard balancing your job and your time with us,” Pete agreed. “Plus we have yet to see how this debut album is going to do first; there is still the chance that we could get dropped if we don’t do well enough.”
Mick nodded in agreement, “I am prepared to work with you guys as well as do my regular job,” the drummer said, rubbing his eyes.
“Maybe you should lie down somewhere and have a nap for a while,” Pete suggested. “We’ve got a little while yet until we're back in the studio.”
“You know, I’m pretty knackered today,” Mick admitted, yawning again. “I don’t like to complain, but I feel like I could just fall asleep anywhere.”
“Are you sure you won’t reconsider taking those pep-pills?” Pete asked with concern, noticing the dark shadows around his band mate’s eyes.
“I told you, Pete, I will not take drugs,” Mick said adamantly, but in his usual sweet and kind way. “Though if this coffee doesn’t work for me, then I would love to go and have a nap in that room upstairs.”
“That might be a good idea, Mick,” Pete agreed. “I’ll come and wake you up when it’s time to do the next song, and we’ve got three more to do today.”
“Thanks, Pete, you are always so good, to me.” Mick smiled gratefully.
“That’s okay mate,” Pete shrugged. “I know what it’s like to feel really drained, but I’m telling you now, you haven’t seen anything yet.”
“Pete, you know I’ve been in a band before,” Mick said as drank the rest of his coffee and got up. “I’m much tougher than you think.”
Pete smiled as his lovely friend left the canteen, although he was extremely fond of Mick, he never could quite understand his endurance to work such long hours in a glass factory, and to play in a band as well.
Pete knew Mick’s reluctance to take any form of illegal drug, even if it were to help him perform to the best of his ability. He rather thought he could do without the pep-pills himself. If it were not for having to come between the Davies brothers so many times, he would probably not have bothered to take anything. If this band were to make it big, he did not wish to become one of those who relied on drugs to make it through the day.
Although Pete loved music and wanted to become something that did not mean working the same job nine til five, he also hoped that he would be able to cope with fame if it were to come his way. He had always told himself it would never go to his head, and he also felt that if he were unable to cope with fame, then he would simply have to quit.
Pete knew there were other things that he could try out if he wanted; he had always been a very keen artist and had loved painting and drawing from a very young age, much to his father’s displeasure.
Pete also loved poetry and writing, and he had even had some poems and stories published when he was younger, but he was very self-conscious about it. He had never really had much self-esteem, though he did his best to hide this.
Meeting Ray, who was a little younger than himself but encouraged Pete in everything he wanted to achieve, especially his musical talent, was what led the bass player to attempt to make his name in music. Pete felt more comfortable performing in a band rather than solo, as he was not fond of being the centre of attention and was always happy to let Ray have it all.
As Pete sat at the table, thinking and wondering what was going to happen next in his life, he was interrupted by Ray and Dave. It seemed that the brothers had ended their squabbling for the time being, and had come to find Pete, who was glad to see that they both appeared more civil towards each other than they had been earlier.
Pete warned them as they joined him at the table, that neither himself nor Mick were in the mood to listen to their squabbling anymore that day.
“Ah, we will try not to, mate,” Ray said, patting his friend’s shoulder. “Just seen Mick walking down the corridor; he does look tired.”
“Yes, he had a coffee just now,” Pete told his friend, “but I don’t think that will keep him awake bless him. I told him to get some sleep for a bit until it’s time to meet in the studio again. He does need it.”
Ray nodded, and turning to his younger brother, said, “Hey weren’t you going to get me a coffee Dave?”
“I was,” Dave acknowledged. “You want one Pete?”
“I’m okay thanks, Dave, I’ve still got this one,” Pete said gratefully.
“Yeah he promised he would get me a coffee to make up for being mean to me earlier,” Ray said with a grin. “Dave knows he winds me up on purpose sometimes.”
“Yeah, and so do you to me bruv,” Dave said rolling his eyes. “You’re buying me a coffee tomorrow...no, you can get it for me this afternoon, you are just as bad as me and you know it, getting on at me just because my amplifier doesn’t sound right.”
As Dave got up to go and get coffee for himself and Ray, Pete was pleased to notice that neither brother had turned the conversation about coffee or the amplifier into an argument. That certainly would help Pete’s mood that day, though he suspected that Grenville must have been involved in the peacemaking again. Since when had Dave ever bought anyone a drink, let alone his older brother?
Pete had noticed that the youngest band member did seem to have become less selfish that year, although Dave was still very hot-headed, there was something different about his behaviour. Dave did not get as obnoxious as he used to get; he was not as spoilt, and he had not seemed to have touched girls for a long time.
Pete remembered Dave setting himself a challenge to get himself a girlfriend before the end of the week; when that did not happen, both himself and Ray were a little surprised. They put it down to him being too busy playing in the band; that and maybe Dave wanted to take a break from relationships.
Whatever it was that had changed Dave, Pete was glad of it. He also hoped that the teenager was going to keep up being nicer to Mick than he had been when the drummer first joined them. Both himself and Ray hated how Dave would behave so rudely to Mick for no reason, especially when it was obvious that poor Mick was very sensitive at times and seemed easily hurt.
Pete liked Mick; he loved the drummer’s gentle nature, but he did sometimes wish that Mick would stand up for himself a little more. Mick seemed the sort of guy who would just take any abuse people would throw at him, and Dave seemed to take full advantage of this. Pete never understood why Dave would want to attack Mick when he had done nothing to deserve it.
Dave had been very childish that time they had hired Mick, Pete remembered all too well the way the teenager had said how he did not want a band member better looking than himself. Pete also assumed that Dave bullied Mick because of how good looking he was, perhaps Dave wanted to lower Mick’s self-esteem simply out of immature jealousy. That angered both Pete and Ray, who had both felt that it was about time Dave grew up and got over himself.
They both persuaded Mick that Dave was not worth the time of day, and not to take any notice of him.
Furthermore, there was a time just a few weeks after Mick joined the band, that the drummer had confided in Pete that he ought to leave; Dave did not seem to like him, and he did not wish to stay where he was not liked. Pete and Ray had both told Mick that they wanted him there as he had been the best, as well as the most pleasant drummer they had ever had the pleasure of working with and if Dave did have a problem with Mick being there, then the immature brat could leave. These words had been all that had kept Mick with them, though Mick with his usual kind heart, had worried that it was unfair to expect Dave to leave as he had been in the band from the start and that he was only a drummer, and could easily be replaced.
That was when Pete had got almost annoyed with Mick and had said, “Look, Mick, stop being so stupid. You are NOT just a drummer, you are our friend and we like you. Dave has never got on with Ray and to be honest, I think that Ray would be glad if Dave left, sometimes I would too because it would be a lot more peaceful, no fighting and I would not have to work so hard in keeping the peace between those brothers. If you left, I would miss you because you are a quiet guy who listens, and you’re keen to learn songs you don’t know and learn them fast. Not many people would pick them up the way you do. As for Dave, he can either put up with you being here or get lost. It’s time he grew up.
Ray had then said to Mick, “Remember, it’s Dave who has the problem, not you.”
Pete had been so happy when Mick decided to stay in the band after all, and both he and Ray agreed that if Dave felt so strongly about being the best looking and the centre of attention, he would be better off as a solo singer.
Pete’s recent memories about his band mates were interrupted by Dave placing two cups of coffee on the table, one for himself and one for Ray. As Dave sat down with them, Ray noticed that Dave had also bought himself a chocolate muffin.
Ray asked his brother, “Hey where’s mine?”
“I said I’d get you a coffee, never said I’d get you anything else; get your own!” Dave said rudely and began eating his muffin hungrily.
Ray sighed, “Oh well Pete, I suppose coffee’s a start.”
“It is indeed,” Pete agreed. “Also, no more fighting you two.”
“As long as he stays out my way,” Dave said, pointing at Ray and continuing to eat his muffin as he talked.
“What rude manners,” Ray said, shaking his head with a look of disgust. “Talking with your mouth full.”
Dave stuck his middle finger up at his brother as he continued to eat. Ray looked at Pete, and they both felt they had to laugh, some things would perhaps never change. Dave may have improved in some ways that year, but he still had a way to go yet.
After sitting with his brother and Pete for another half hour in the canteen, Dave decided he wanted a little time on his own. He was glad that he had made it up with Ray, and that they had agreed to try and work together sensibly for the rest of the recording sessions, but he still sometimes felt a little pushed out by his brother’s friendship with Pete. Whenever Dave found himself alone with the bass player, he found that they could talk, and got on together very well. He had always found Pete a pleasant guy; but whenever Ray came along...well, it was as if Dave was no longer there, as Ray would completely hog Pete to himself. Dave did not think that Pete intended to push him out of anything, but he always felt his brother was deliberately trying to do so.
As Dave had been sitting there in the canteen with his two band mates, it had once again become just those two talking together, and he did not exist, so after he ate and drank, he decided to make an exit. Telling the two friends he would be upstairs if they wanted him; he had just got a smile and nod from Pete and nothing from Ray.
As Dave walked away, he began to think of Mick again; he wondered if he would be able to find him. Dave suddenly had this desire to see him and talk to him, and the longing for him had never gone away from the moment he had met him. Although he still sometimes hated himself for these feelings, Dave was beginning to feel the desire to have a relationship with Mick.
If only you would return my feelings, Mick, he thought, and then I would be all yours.
Dave was starting to care less what the world would think of him, or about how he would have to live in secrecy and sneak around; if it meant that he could hold Mick, kiss him, sleep with him and wake up beside him, then it would all be worth it.
Dave knew he had a lot of making up to do if this was ever to happen; he had to make friends with Mick properly, start being nice to him. He was beginning to feel very lonely, which was one of the reasons he had permanently moved back in with his parents in the new year, that and he missed his mum and had come to realise that he had always taken full advantage of how much she favoured him.
Many thoughts went through Dave’s mind as he paced along the corridors and climbed the flights of stairs; his loneliness had become unbearable at times, and he was tired of being single. His brother had begun to comment on it, but Robert was always the worst. Dave had told them both to mind their own business, and he had to point out to Robert especially, that the other Kinks were single too, not just him. Dave had never liked Robert very much, and he had come to dislike him more since Mick had joined them. Dave had these strong feelings for the drummer, and all Robert would do was talk about how Mick would have beautiful girls all over him, and that the band would not lack for groupies with him around. In recent weeks, Dave had begun to have possessive feelings towards Mick, feelings of wanting to have the drummer all to himself...to never share him with anyone, least of all the young girls who were supposedly going to fall at Mick’s feet.
Dave knew that their annoying manager was going to try and push girls their way; of course before he met Mick, Dave would never have objected to such a thing as he had always wanted to maintain a girl-magnet reputation. His life had changed so much since Mick had arrived on the scene. Dave had cried himself to sleep every night since that day, and Mick would haunt his dreams which were so vivid, so erotic, so real. Sometimes he wondered if these dreams were trying to tell him that he must act on these feelings, other times he had to try and bring himself back down to Earth. After all, if something seemed too good to be true, then it probably was.
As Dave approached the recording studio, he decided that he would get out his acoustic guitar and try and work some more on the song that he had been attempting to write during Christmas. He knew he would probably never share this song with anyone, but it was just something that he had to do, and it was very special and close to his heart. The idea had come in all the time that he had been agonising and hating himself over his feelings for Mick.
Dave had been desperately trying to make something good and positive about his feelings, and he tried to imagine what it would be like to embark on a relationship with the drummer; he had fantasies of Mick moving into his flat with him and the pair of them would be together and there for each other.
There was nobody about in the studio; Bob and the two managers had probably gone out somewhere for an hour or two.
Dave had no idea where the rest of the production team were, not that he cared; he was glad of their absence as he needed some peace and quiet, time alone with his guitar. He always used his acoustic when he was trying to write a song, not that he had written as many as his brother, though he hoped in time, that would all change.
Dave hoped that the little room with the two comfy sofas was empty and quiet. If it were, then it would be perfect for him just to sit down and try and write some music, he found his guitar and his notebook and made his way into the quiet little room.
Dave opened the door; it seemed very quiet, so he thought that nobody was about...but as he walked in, lying on one of the sofas, beautiful Mick was sleeping and making very little sound, just small, relaxed breathing. Dave recalled how he had been in this situation at the end of their very first gig with Mick. He wondered if Mick always took to falling asleep anywhere, was he always so tired?
His beauty took Dave’s breath away; his soft dark hair fell around his pale skin, his eyelashes looked so pretty as they rested against his closed eyes.
His lips, full and soft; Dave wanted to kiss them so bad.
Dave had almost been caught stealing a kiss from a sleeping Mick last time, and he may not be so lucky this time, yet he did not want to leave the room. Dave wanted to stay there a little while as he strummed on his guitar, and he was sure that Mick would not mind, perhaps it would be soothing for him to hear in his sleep.
Dave just sat watching Mick sleep; he did not want to wake him at all. He felt compelled to admire his beauty while he was able, and hoped that he was having a lovely dream. Given how peaceful Mick looked, he certainly was not having a nightmare, though Dave almost wished he would so that he could comfort him when he awoke.
Dave began to strum gently on his guitar; he was playing no particular tune, but he was just making a gentle, peaceful sound which fitted with how Mick looked at that moment. The drummer never stirred as Dave began to hum softly, almost as if he was singing a lullaby.
Dave started to imagine how it would be if he and Mick were together, and he hoped that Mick would not awaken to his humming and playing.
Some very interesting words began to form in Dave’s head and without thinking, he quietly began to sing them, half to himself and the other half to Mick. He was not thinking of whether or not the drummer would hear anything, indeed he was not even sure if Mick was in a deep or a light sleep.
Dave was not even sure if the words made sense or if they were relevant to his feelings; it was just what was in his head and the words he thought of as he sat there watching the beautiful, sleeping Mick.
Here were the words that Dave came out with:
You don’t have to look at me, you don’t have to smile at me.
You just gotta love me til the sun shines
You don’t have to cook for me, or rest your head upon my knee
As long as you just love me til the sun shines
Take my money, I don’t mind
Two lonely people, the helpless kind
You just gotta love me til the sun shines
You don’t have to sleep with me, or rest your head upon my knee
You just gotta love me til the sun shines
Baby, you can wear my clothes, play my records, stay in my home
As long as you just love me til the sun shines
Take my money, I don’t mind
Two lonely people, the helpless kind
You just gotta love me til the sun shines
Baby, baby I don’t know what I’m doin’
Everything I do, it turns to ruin
Baby, you can kiss my friends, there ain’t nothin’ that I'll end
As long as you just love me ‘til the sun shines
You don’t have to walk the streets, when there’s someone waitin’ here
You just gotta love me ‘til the sun shines
Take my money, I don’t mind
Two lonely people, the helpless kind
You just gotta love me ‘til the sun shines
Dave could think of no more words; he just continued to hum the tune that was playing in his head and his guitar seemed to be playing him rather than the other way around. Dave strummed gently as he watched Mick sleep; he still did not stir or show any signs that he was about to wake. He obviously must need all the sleep he could get while he had the chance.
Dave could not help but smile as this beautiful young man went on sleeping as though he had been placed under a spell. Dave often thought to himself that Mick could only be described as ‘beautiful’. It had never occurred to him to use any other word, ‘beautiful’ just seemed perfect for Mick.
It was strange that he had never described anyone else with that word before.
Dave had been with girls, and he had called them ‘pretty’ ‘fit’ ‘sexy’ ‘gorgeous’ among other words, but only Mick seemed to come under the category of ‘beautiful’. Dave thought it strange because when he was growing up, he had always been taught that this word was used for a woman, and a man was always described as ‘handsome’. Yet looking at Mick, who was certainly a man, ‘beautiful’ was all Dave could call him.
Years later when Dave was telling his story to others, he always said that for some reason he could only ever describe Mick as ‘beautiful beyond words’, like he had walked into a permanent dream from which he would never awaken.
Dave wondered what Mick was dreaming about now; he half hoped that Mick was dreaming about him, though he knew that this had to be an utterly ridiculous idea.
Who am I kidding? Dave thought to himself sadly. Even if he was attracted to men, why on Earth would he want me? He deserves better.
Dave felt sad again, as not for the first time, he had to bring himself back down to Earth, and he certainly came down with a painful bump. He felt that he should leave Mick to sleep in peace, perhaps he would sit somewhere outside the room to make sure that no-one would disturb him as he slept. Dave felt he could watch Mick sleep all day, and yet he found it hurt too much, and it hurt that it was more than likely he could never have Mick.
Dave sighed in despair as he stood up to leave the room, and then he noticed that Mick had no blanket over him; the room was not particularly warm, and Mick only had a thin jumper on, he might get cold. Dave looked around for something to cover him with, he spotted his jacket that had been hung by the door which would have to do. Dave gently placed it over Mick, who thankfully still showed no signs of waking. Dave took one more look at him, and he had been here before...should he kiss him? Would it wake him? How would Mick react if he woke up?
Mick looked so beautiful, and that time he had almost been caught had certainly been very close; if his band mates had not been so noisy outside the room last time, he certainly would have been caught at it, and what could have happened?
Dave had the urge to kiss Mick, yet he felt afraid. There was a chance of Mick waking up, or somebody could walk in at the wrong time and catch him. Dave could not risk getting caught when he had a music career to think about, though he still lived in hope of Mick returning his love one day. Dave took one last look at the beautiful drummer, then picking up his guitar, he left the room.
Dave growled in frustration at the poor sound his little green Elpies amplifier was providing; it did not seem to suit his electric guitar at all, and he could not understand why that was. The song the Kinks were trying to perfect, You really got me, depended strongly on Dave’s ability to get this one right. Ray had written the song, but Dave would be playing a big part in the performance, and he was trying to perfect the sound as he twisted all the knobs on this seemingly useless piece of equipment, but to no avail.
I’m NOT giving up on this, he thought, this bloody amplifier does not want to co-operate with me or my guitar, but I will teach it!
Dave reached into his pocket and pulled out a razor blade he had bought from the shop earlier, and then he picked up the little Elpies and slashed the speaker tone. What happened next made Ray, Pete, Bob and the two managers come running in to see what was causing all the racket.
As Dave struck a cord, a loud, fuzzy and somewhat distorted sound came blaring out of the speaker; although Dave had never heard such a sound coming from any guitar or amplifier before, he was certainly pleased with the result.
“What the hell is that racket you’re making?” Robert asked him. The manager, who had just that minute returned along with all the others, did not seem impressed.
Dave, however, was not listening to anyone; he felt he had solved the problem of the bad sounding amplifier. Dave was not just playing his guitar; he was making it roar.
Although he did not know it yet, what Dave had done would soon create widespread popularity, and he was to become one of the leading pioneers of guitar distortion, which in time would inspire future bands and would be cited as the beginning of punk and heavy metal.
Ray, Pete and Grenville all looked at one another as if to say, ‘You know, Dave could be onto something here; we should let him carry on this way for the song.’
When Dave had finished trying out his new technique, the others who were there watching him clapped and cheered as Dave had solved the little amplifier problem.
Dave ran his hand through his hair in a certain way; he was almost out of breath. It was surprising how much energy even a practise run took out of a guitarist. He could see that Ray, Pete, Grenville and Bob looked impressed; Robert, it seemed they would have to work on...but where was Mick?
Dave sighed; Mick was the one person he wanted to impress and yet the drummer had missed it.
Still, there was time, and perhaps Mick had not yet woken from his nap. Dave hid his disappointment and stood there in triumph; he was glad to see that his older brother was pleased and that they had solved the problem of sound. He had impressed everyone, apart from Robert, who seemed a little sceptical over such a sound which had never been done before. However, the manager decided to listen to Grenville for once and try out this new music by Dave; after all, if you played it safe all the time, where was the fun of trying something new?
When Mick turned up after having a nap for an hour, they explained to him about the guitar sound Dave had come up with all by himself; the drummer’s beautiful green eyes widened in shock amazement when they told him about the lead guitarist’s experiment with his razor blade.
Mick looked at Dave as if to say, ‘Wow’. Dave felt his heart skip a beat, and he got that ‘weak at the knees’ feeling again.
About half an hour later, the band were in the studio practising You really got me with Dave’s new sound. This song had been practised several times, but Ray had been increasingly frustrated with the poor sound of Dave’s amplifier. Maybe now it was a blessing that they had been unable to afford a decent one because this new sound of Dave’s was something different entirely.
Perhaps the Kinks is a good name after all, Ray thought. Kinky can mean ‘experimental’, ‘unconventional’. This could be the start of something different altogether. I don’t know if I will ever like the name completely, but I think it just means we are not afraid to try new things.
The band’s first two singles, Long tall Sally and You still want me did not do as well in the charts as the boys hoped they would. It worried the Pye management so much that they threatened to drop the boys from the label if their next single did not get to a decent position in the charts. It worried the boys and their managers too as they had already been on an incredible journey so far and had learned so much. It would sure devastate them all if they failed to be as successful as they hoped.
The Kinks had spent weeks and weeks recording their debut album and so much hard work had gone into it; they needed to finally get somewhere, and they needed to do so very soon.
They wondered which single to release next, and they knew it had to be the right one.
The boys and their managers discussed at great lengths about what the next single should be; they were worried about releasing You really got me because when they listened to it, Dave’s guitar gave out that all noticeable, distorted sound at the introduction.
Although they all liked the sound, they were worried what their audiences would think of something so obviously different. Was it too risky to have this song as their next single? Then again, Robert did not always believe in playing it safe, and maybe this song was just what the band needed to use.
Doing something different and being daring had not done the Rolling Stones any harm; it could be the one thing that would catch people’s attention and impress a young audience.
Reluctantly, Ray agreed that You really got me needed to be their next single. He had become quite depressed when their first two songs had not done very well, and seriously felt like packing the whole thing in for good, but it was not over yet. The Kinks were determined to fight for success until the bitter end.
Here is the link to Love me til the sun shines from the album 'Something else by the Kinks'
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lLXZ92_ptjU
Notes:
Thanks for reading, I am hoping to get chapter 7 up very soon, it has already been written and is waiting to be betad.
Chapter 7
Summary:
The Kinks have finally got that much desired number one spot, and so they go to Manchester to perform on Top of the Pops, where Mick finds a new friend.
Notes:
I have not made chapter 6 and 7 quite so long as some of the others as I was quite happy with them and felt I didn't want to take them any further, though I plan to make chapter 8 longer. Thanks once again to my beta, Lady Giovanna and hope you all find this a good read. As I said before, any comments and feedback are much appreciated.
Thought I would share a few things with you, as i said before, this story is based on a real life band and factual events but a lot of it is pure fantasy and what's in my head; Newham Glassworks is made up, I got the idea of Mick Avory working in a glass factory from Catherine Cookson's The Glass Virgin, in fact I got some ideas for my story from there. Also as far as I know, Peter Noone from Herman's Hermits is not gay and as far as I know nor are any of the Kinks (except for Dave being bi). Here are some true facts; Robert Wace and Grenville Collins really were the Kinks' managers, the Muswell Tavern is/was a real pub, Top of the Pops began in Manchester and the Beatles, Dionne Warwick and the Honeycombs did appear on Top of the Pops on the same day as the Kinks performing 'You Really got me'. There were other bands too which I may mention in the next chapter but in real life, I don't think Herman's Hermits did, in fact in real life I'm not sure Herman's Hermits came out until the following year but this is an alternate universe and so things are different.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Love me til the sun shines
Chapter 7
You really got me had made it to number one. How this happened and how the single sold so well was amazing and like a dream for Ray and the boys. It had been months of agony for Ray in particular, with him thinking that maybe he was just not good enough after all and maybe he was simply not cut out to be a singer/songwriter.
There were days and nights when Ray would just think to himself that maybe it was a bad sign that the first two songs had not done so well...like the Kinks were just not meant to be.
The fact that he had been proven wrong was nothing short of a miracle, and all he could think to do was celebrate.
“I told you we could do it, Ray,” Pete said one evening, the two of them were sitting in the Muswell Tavern with celebratory beers. “You didn’t, believe me, did you?”
“No I didn’t, not at one point,” Ray agreed happily as he took another swig of his pint. “It feels amazing.”
“Well maybe we should make the most of being able to come here for a drink in peace,” Pete laughed, and nudged his best friend lightheartedly. “I mean, look at all the girls who are here tonight. They’re ignoring us now, but just wait this time next year. They’ll be flocking around us like...I dunno, bees round a honeypot or something.”
Ray laughed, “Well they do recognise us sometimes, at least, round here they do. We are apparently the most popular local band around.”
“Yeah true,” Pete said, nodding in agreement. “I get a few people coming to me for an autograph sometimes, but if we become as popular as the Beatles...well.”
“Do you think you could cope with fame Pete?” Ray asked, looking apprehensive at the idea as well as being very excited. “From what I’ve heard, the Beatles find it very stressful at times.”
“I know,” Pete agreed. “They can’t even walk out onto the street anywhere without getting mobbed. “If we become as famous as those four, well we are going to have to get used to a whole different way of life; it won’t always be fun.”
Ray looked around the pub from the hidden corner where he and his friend were sitting. They were very well known around Muswell Hill and the surrounding parts of London, but so far they had not been recognised.
Ray had to keep telling himself that he should always appreciate praise when it was given, and not to worry too much about those who put him down.
He had always worried a great deal about what people would think of the songs he had written; these songs, he always called his ‘babies’.
Even though Ray wanted to record and perform his songs, he also wanted to protect them. He had recently discussed the subject of copyright with Shel, and about how he must ensure that no-one tried to steal his work and claim it as their own. Ray had no idea of how the whole ‘copyright’ thing worked, but Shel had told him that it was something he needed to learn as a songwriter, and the record producer was only too willing to help with any worry he had.
Pete interrupted Ray from his thoughts, “Hey matey,” the bassist laughed. “What are you daydreaming about?”
“Nothing,” Ray said with a shrug. “And everything I suppose, but I’m trying my best not to. After all, we should be enjoying ourselves this evening, not worrying.”
“Yeah well talking of worrying,” Pete said raising his eyebrows. “Why haven’t Dave and Mick come to join us?”
“No idea,” Ray responded, not caring. “Although I can almost understand Mick’s point. He’s just so tired, needs all the sleep he can get.”
“Very true,” Pete agreed. “I have worried about how hard he works at his day job and working with us too; he needs the sleep but if he wants to stay in this band, he should quit his job at the factory.”
“He is going to be exhausted...he really is ,” Ray said thoughtfully. “We are likely to be working non-stop promoting this single, and he will not have time for anything else anymore.”
“Then the other problem is working with Dave,” Pete grimaced. “He is a handful, and what the hell is wrong with him lately I just don’t know.”
“Your guess is as good as mine Pete,” Ray replied with a shrug. “It’s like he’s in his own world half the time...well that’s when he’s not starting shit with me about anything, or picking a fight.”
“He doesn’t seem as bad as he used to be though,” Pete said thoughtfully. “He can still be...annoying, but he’s not quite as detestable as he was before, though I have always tried to see it through Christian eyes.”
“My brother has been acting weird of late,” Ray mumbled, drinking more beer. “But still I can’t help but feel that his experiment with the guitar was what helped our single do so well.”
“Well, you can’t put that all down to Dave ,” Pete almost laughed. “It’s also a great song. Dave just...I dunno, perhaps we could call it ‘making the most of what you have’.”
Ray laughed at his friend’s comment, “Slashing an amplifier with a razor blade like that, really! Still, we can’t complain, just can’t help but wonder if that will be our only number one.”
“Oh just wait and see,” Pete said reasonably. “Let’s just enjoy success while we can.”
The Muswell Tavern was not overly busy that night, but there were enough people for them to hear lots of mixed chatter and laughing.
Ray and Pete probably stayed out longer than they should have done, but they so wanted to enjoy normal life while they were able. They did not get too drunk, but it was a good thing that neither of them were driving and that Pete was staying the night at Ray’s.
They left the pub after eleven o’clock after chatting and dancing with a couple of girls. Although neither of them was the type to take advantage of any girl, they did both enjoy a good flirt and loved to dance with any girl that was there when they felt like it. Dave used to be the same at one time; they both remembered his antics when they would all have a night out together.
The younger Davies brother would go up to any girl who took his fancy, not caring if she had a boyfriend or not, or whether or not it would cause trouble.
The times Ray and Pete would have to defend Dave against the boyfriend of some girl he had decided to make a play for. Sometimes they would have a good mind to let him have the beating he deserved, but Ray always knew that their mother would be furious if he allowed his brother, her favourite, to be bashed up.
Or if the girl happened to be single, Dave would usually end up taking her home with him, much to Ray’s disgust, though if he ever said anything to his younger brother about his disapproval, Dave would only have put it down to jealousy.
The band met up the very next morning and flew from London to Manchester, where they were to film their very first appearance on Top of the Pops, which had first aired on television that year.
All four were naturally very apprehensive about this, as anyone would be, though they had been looking forward to travelling further out than they had ever done before.
Already there was talk of a trip to the U.S. for the band, so 1964 looked like it was going to be very busy for the boys.
By the time the Kinks arrived in Manchester, all four of them were a bag of nerves, though they did not know why. It was not as if they had never performed before. This time, it was not even live, they only had one song to perform, and from what they understood, they would be miming the whole thing in front of the cameras. What reason would they have to be nervous?
Maybe it was down to being the first time they had performed anything since making the number one spot, or because there were going to be other bands there who people may compare them to. Perhaps they were worried about mixing with members of these other bands. Perhaps they felt nervous because they knew they were going to be seen on national television by just about everyone in the country, and the idea seemed just that little bit scary.
It did not help that they had not had much time to relax or prepare for their big moment, and Top of the pops was not the only thing they would be doing in the next few days and weeks. The boys would be performing in a few different venues around the country before travelling back to London to appear on Ready Steady Go.
The Kinks were finally about to take yet another step on the road to fame.
Top of the Pops at that time was filmed at Dickenson Road Studios in a part of Manchester called Rusholme. The building was nothing more than a former Methodist Church. As they arrived at the place in the taxi, they noticed quite a group of young people, mainly girls, standing along the road. The boys and their managers began to get the feeling it was not going to be easy to get inside once they stepped out.
They were not wrong; as they got out of the taxi, security guards had to do their best to stop at least a dozen screaming girls from rushing over to touch them.
Much to the displeasure of the band and Grenville, Robert decided to drop them in it by telling these girls that if they were good and calmed down, his boys would sign a few autographs.
Now that their manager had opened his mouth, the Kinks had no choice but to oblige. They could see no reason why these girls would want autographs from them; they were not yet very well known. Then they had to tell themselves that they must be rather liked if people wanted to buy their records. How else could they have made it to number one? So news of them was spreading fast, and these fans had clearly been looking forward to seeing them.
So the Kinks spent about ten minutes or so signing autographs, and then Grenville decided that enough was enough and the boys needed to go in and get ready for their performance.
While the band had been signing, Grenville had already complained to Robert about how inconsiderate he was to expect the Kinks to do this when they had enough to think about already.
Robert shrugged and coolly said, “Oh come on Gren, they have to get used to it somehow.”
Grenville said no more and ushered the boys into the back, with the screams of their fans still audible as they made their way inside.
They were taken down a corridor until they came to a door that read The Kinks. This was to be their dressing room for today. It was quite a relief to actually sit down for a few minutes at least. After yet another overwhelming experience with adoring fans, they all wondered if they would be able to cope if they became as famous as the Beatles and the Stones.
This was the time when they would be tuning their guitars and making sure they sounded just right for their performance, but as they were miming, there was absolutely no point to it.
Although the three guitarists were kind of pleased that they had one less job to do after all the excitement of the screaming girls outside the television studio, they all hoped that they would not have to mime too often as they enjoyed playing live.
As they had a little more time to spare, they wondered if they should have a look around the place before make-up time. The boys thought it would be nice if they were to go and see who else would be there that day performing their songs too.
“Hey shall we go and see what names are on the other doors?” Dave said with a mischievous grin.
“What do you think Grenville?” Ray asked the assistant manager. “Shall we go and see if any of the other stars are knocking about?”
“Don’t see why not,” Grenville answered. “Hey, aren’t the Beatles supposed to be on as well today?”
“Are they really?” Pete said excitedly. “Oh I do hope we can meet them, I would love to talk to Paul McCartney in particular. He’s the bassist like me; I want to get to know other bass players.”
“Yeah and I bet that’s why Mick’s wandered off too,” Grenville said rolling his eyes. “I mean it must be lonely for a drummer; they often feel left out of the band and it would be nice for him to mix with a few different people, especially other drummers.”
“Yeah I bet him and Ringo would get on really well,” Pete agreed. “Mick’s a really nice guy and would get on with anyone who is nice to him.”
“Yeah that’s why he doesn’t get on with Dave,” Ray groaned.
“Er excuse me I’m right here you idiot,” Dave said, annoyed. It really angered him when his brother talked about him while he was in the room, which sometimes Ray had a habit of doing.
When Ray did not apologise, Dave went on to add, “And we DO get on for your information; Mick and I have really got to know each other recently and we are fine.”
“Well I’m glad to hear it, Dave,” Grenville said, then changing the subject back to drummers, he added, “Hey the Honeycombs are on as well today, perhaps we could set Mick up with that Honey Lantree.”
Grenville winked and Ray and Pete laughed; Honey was the first female drummer they had ever heard about and she certainly got people talking about the role she played in her band, the Honeycombs, who were performing that day with their single, Have I the right which had proven to be a dance-floor filler.
“There is NO NEED to set Mick up with anyone!” Dave suddenly snapped, making Ray, Pete and Grenville look at Dave in complete surprise. “Mick is capable of finding someone for himself; he does NOT NEED for any of you to push anyone his way and force him into their company. Who the FUCK is Honey Lantree anyway?”
“You know who she is Dave,” Ray said, in shock at his brother’s outburst. “WE met the Honeycombs just last month; she is their drummer.
“Yeah and it always pisses her off when people always assume that she’s the singer,” Grenville said with a chuckle. “She is very proud that she’s the drummer and is always keen to point this out to anyone.”
“Dave, you met her and talked to her,” Pete added. “We met them in London, and they’re really nice. That lead singer of theirs, Dennis, really seemed to take a liking to Mick, a bit too much...if you get my meaning.”
Dave had had enough of this conversation; he was still not over Mick and knew that he never would be. This talk of Mick being set up with someone else and the idea that someone else had potentially taken a shine to his beautiful drummer was becoming too much to take. The very thought of it was making him sick to his stomach. Dave had never stopped wanting Mick, and although he always put on a brave face when he needed to and was beginning to grow up a lot, he was not prepared to listen to others least of all his brother, remind him that Mick did not actually belong to him and probably never would.
“WELL, I THINK YOU ARE ALL IDIOTS!” Dave shouted without thinking. “All three of you are, to think that Mick would be interested in Honey. I know he could do a lot better and I know the VERY PERSON, who can make him happy and give him the love and attention that he deserves. It is CERTAINLY not Honey or Dennis. I have just about had enough of this talk now. I’m going to find Mick!”
With that, an obviously irked Dave stormed out of the Kinks dressing room, slamming the door behind him, leaving his two band mates and Grenville looking at each other completely confused by Dave’s sudden outburst.
“What was that all about?” Grenville asked Ray and Pete when the youngest of the band had gone.
Ray and Pete looked at each other, and then at Grenville, apparently not knowing what to say.
“I have absolutely no idea at all,” Pete replied. “Do you Ray?”
“No, I really don’t,” Ray said looking as bewildered as the other two. “He has been really weird for months and I just don’t get it, none of us do. Whenever I have asked him what’s going on, he’s told me to mind my own business and to stop prying into his life.”
“He’s obsessed with Mick, I’m quite sure of it,” Pete opined. “Do you remember we had that meeting about our album the other month and Mick couldn’t make it because he was ill? Dave completely freaked out. It was as if he was not prepared to co-operate and talk about anything unless Mick was there.”
Grenville and Ray could remember all too well the time when Mick was ill in bed with a sickness bug, so was unable to make the meeting to discuss recording the band’s debut album. It did not matter much as they did not really need Mick at that point, but why Dave reacted the way he did, none of them could understand. It had taken them the best part of fifteen minutes to get Dave to sit down so they could start their discussion. Dave had made it very difficult for all of them, and they could not help but compare the incident to a mother trying to reason with her child who wanted their own way, even though getting their own way was impossible for reasons beyond her control.
Dave always refused to discuss the reasons behind his sudden and strange reactions, all these reactions were to do with Mick; Pete, in particular, had noticed this and was beginning to suspect it may be connected with Dave’s change of heart about getting himself a girlfriend. Pete always brushed that idea aside, putting it down to his own over-active imagination and dwelling too much on things.
The discussion about Dave’s strange behaviour was interrupted by Robert entering the room with the same confused look as they had.
“Hey what the hell is wrong with Dave?” The manager asked them shaking his head, “I just saw him storming off down the corridor, and when I asked what was up, he just told me to fuck off and leave him alone.”
“I don’t know, he always seems to have these weird mood swings,” Grenville said with a shrug.
The assistant manager and the two band members then told Robert about the discussion they had about Mick and about the way Dave reacted when Grenville had half joked about setting Mick up with his fellow drummer, Honey Lantree.
Robert raised his eyebrows over this and agreed that yes, Dave often reacted strongly to a lot of things involving Mick and maybe one of them needed to get to the bottom of it.
Meanwhile, Mick looked around the room at the people who had turned up to perform on Top of the Pops that day. He was in a room at the back of the former church that he thought must once have been where everyone gathered after a church service for a drink and a chat.
Mick had already had a chat with a few famous people who had showed, and was surprised at how down to Earth they all were; just the same as if you were talking to any ordinary person that you would meet in everyday life.
Mick did not quite know why he felt the need to escape from the dressing room and have a break from being around his band mates. He had really found the flight from London to Manchester quite stressful as he had never flown before and the whole experience of being so high up was new and scary. He had not even been expecting to be flying such a short distance, being in this band was bringing out so many new and overwhelming challenges that were both exciting and daunting.
Mick had recently had to hand in his notice at Newham Glassworks, where he had been since leaving school. Although he had made a fair few friends there, his real passion was the drums. He had always loved the idea of playing in a band, making enough money to buy his own house and making sure that the ones he loved never went without what they needed ever again.
Time with the band was becoming more and more demanding and working long hours in the factory was taking it out of him. It did not help that he was one of the supervisors, which gave him extra responsibility. He loved being in this band and so had made the decision to quit his day job. He knew that if the band did not work out, then he would have enough money to tide him over for a while until he found another job...or get his factory job back. With a heavy heart, Mick had decided it was time to begin a new chapter in his life.
The Kinks were his life now, or at least for the foreseeable future. His colleagues were sad to see him go; the manager, in particular, was going to miss his favourite worker. He had made Mick the supervisor the previous year because he was such a hard and dedicated worker and because Mick was so gentle, kind and patient towards the younger and less experienced workers. Mick was going to be sadly missed by them all. He promised them he would never forget them all if the Kinks did make it big and that one day he would still come back and see them.
Mick remembered how he had been in the same situation before when he joined the Rolling Stones; his job and time with that band was very tiring and draining. It did not help that one of the band members was bullying him. That time, he had chosen to quit the band and stay at the glassworks.
Now that the opposite had indeed happened, Mick hoped that it had been the right decision to make, but only time would tell.
A voice spoke, interrupting his thoughts. “What are you doing hanging around with no-one to talk to?”
Mick looked at the person who had just spoken to him. A pair of silvery-blue eyes were looking into his own, those eyes belonged to a young man who had blond hair and a charming smile; Mick felt his face turning bright red.
“Oh er...hello,” Mick managed to say with a shaky voice.
The blond young man held out his hand to Mick and said, “I’m Peter.”
Mick accepted Peter’s hand and shook it, replying, “Er...I’m Mick.”
Mick’s heart began beating with excitement as Peter began conversing with him, but he could not help it; Peter was so handsome and friendly. He was friendly in a different way to how his band mates Ray and Pete, and how the Kinks’ managers were towards him.
This kind of friendliness was an entirely new thing altogether.
“I don’t suppose you have heard of my group yet,” Peter said to Mick, who noticed how this young man was obviously from around these parts, as he had a distinctly Mancunian accent.
“I don’t know,” Mick replied truthfully. “What is your group called?”
“Herman’s Hermits.”
“Oh yes, I have heard that name before,” Mick said wanting to sound enthusiastic. “On the radio, I think.”
“May I ask what brought you here?” Peter asked Mick. “Are you in a group or something?”
“I’m drummer for the Kinks,” Mick answered without thinking.
Peter’s eyes widened with excitement, “Oh wow so YOU’RE from the Kinks? You got to number one with yours, congratulations.”
“Oh er...thank-you,” Mick replied modestly. “We are all really pleased...well, to be honest, it’s quite overwhelming and scary.”
“Tell me about it,” Peter agreed. “It’s overwhelming enough to sell a record and get into the charts at all, never mind the top twenty or number one, like you.”
“Yeah we had a couple of records before this one,” Mick sighed. “They didn’t do quite as well; we thought that would be it for us.”
“I liked those other songs you did,” Peter complimented. “Especially You still want me.”
“Yes that one was written by Ray, he writes all...or most of the songs and sings them himself,” Mick stated.
“Then you did that Little Richard one,” Peter reminded him.
Mick smiled as he remembered Long Tall Sally and You still want me being recorded in the same session, and how they all felt that these two songs were going to do really well, only for them to be disappointed.
“It was quite disheartening for us all when they didn’t do as well as our record company would have liked,” Mick sighed sadly; he could not help looking into Peter’s eyes as he spoke these words. “Especially for Ray; he started to feel like he wasn’t any good.”
“Aww tell him from me that he is,” Peter said kindly. “Anyway I’m really glad I bumped into you, Mick. You looked like a nice person to talk to, besides, I was getting quite bored. I was trying to get to talk to one of the Beatles, but everyone seems to be hogging them. Look, they are just over there and I can’t get to them at all.”
Mick turned to look where Peter was pointing; he would have felt extremely excited a few minutes ago at the thought of one of the Beatles being in the same room as him. There was a handful of people talking to all four of them; these people included journalists and photographers. The singer Dionne Warwick was talking to his fellow drummer, Ringo Starr. Mick had already spoken to Dionne and really liked her.
Mick would have been just as disappointed about not being able to talk to a Beatle as Peter just a few minutes ago, but now, he felt he had really taken a liking to this extremely handsome new acquaintance, who looked very young but he could not have been much younger than Dave was. Even though they had just that minute met, it felt so nice to be able to talk to someone new, someone who seemed so pleasant and looked so kind too. Mick completely forgot where he was and forgot about everyone in the room as he then got deep into conversation with Peter, who told him all about the group he was in.
Herman’s Hermits were a five piece band from Manchester, which made Mick point out, “Well, at least, you didn’t have to travel so far to get here.”
Peter laughed and agreed that yes it was true, but his band would soon be travelling to London to appear on Ready Steady Go, as well as different venues around the country, pretty much in the same boat as the Kinks. Mick was glad that he would have a chance of seeing Peter again in London.
It felt so nice to have met a new friend, and Mick had met a fair few people since joining the Kinks, and although some of them were very nice, Peter seemed quite different. Mick had also been missing his foster brother Steve pretty badly in the past few weeks. Now he got just the distraction he needed talking to Peter. It was funny because although there were plenty of people there for Mick to try and strike a conversation with, Peter was just so different and talking to him that day came so natural to him like he had known this young man for years.
This was the happiest that Mick had felt in quite a while; he felt even happier when Peter asked him if he would like to meet up with him after they had finished at this place for today.
“Just the two of us?” Peter said hopefully.
“Oh wow yes, I would love to,” Mick answered quickly, unable to hide his excitement. .
“Then it’s a date,” Peter said with a cheeky wink.
Mick blushed at the word ‘date’ and at the way the blond man winked at him, but then he thought, No, that’s silly. Surely not; that would be too good to be true.
“Absolutely,” Mick then said out loud. “I’m looking forward to it, but...er, where do you want to go?”
“Oh yeah that’s a thought,” Peter replied with a thoughtful look on his face. “Well we could maybe go for a drink somewhere or…well I know of this really nice place not that far from here where we could just...I dunno, talk or something.”
Mick’s stomach began to turn somersaults; he was not really sure what his new friend’s intentions were, perhaps he was imagining too many things that sounded too good to be true, but he did like the idea of just himself and Peter being alone together somewhere. It would take his mind off a few things that were troubling him. Even if he only imagined things when it came to Peter’s body language and the charm in his eyes, a new friend to talk to was just what he needed right now; as fond as he was of his band-mates, Mick felt he needed a bit of a break from them.
Notes:
Thanks for reading and thanks to those who have left kudos, you guys rock.
Chapter 8
Summary:
Dave decides he must tell Mick of his feelings, but Mick seems to have gone missing and as it happens, so has the drummer's new friend Peter Noone.
Notes:
Thank you to all who have waited patiently for the next chapter, I have made it a bit longer than the last two and thank you also to my beta, Lady Giovanna...even though she's an unappreciative bitch!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Love me til the sun shines
Chapter 8
Among the crowd of famous people that were all talking happily to one another, (this included the Honeycombs, Dionne Warwick, Dave Berry, Manfred Mann, Brenda Lee, the Bachelors, and even the Beatles were knocking around, which should have excited him more than anything). Dave spied Mick talking to a blond man. Dave was fairly sure he had seen this guy somewhere before. It was not the fact that Mick was talking to him that made his heart sink, it was the overly friendly way in which they were both conversing, and the sweet looks Mick was giving him.
When Dave walked into the room and saw Mick’s radiant smile, he could see that the smile was not for him, but for this new person. Dave felt this surge of horrible emotions going through him all at once. He felt anger because Mick had just walked out of the band’s dressing room, and wandered off to see what other people were up to. He felt hurt because for many months now, he had never been able to stop thinking about Mick and dreaming about him. Dave was jealous, Mick was giving all his attention to another man that he wanted from the drummer.
Of course, Dave tried to think rationally, by telling himself to snap out of this silliness. Mick had a right to make other friends, Dave did not claim ownership of him. They were all expected to mix and mingle, Mick was doing what they were told to do. Friendship did not have to be confined to a band. Why should Mick not exchange pleasantries with someone new?
Dave tried desperately to contain his jealousy over what he was seeing, he took a deep breath, and then walked over to Mick. What pissed Dave off even more, was the way Mick barely noticed him, as he was so deep in conversation with this extremely handsome blond.
Dave made a coughing sound to get Mick’s attention; it worked. Mick stopped talking to his new acquaintance, and turned to see Dave was there, Mick smiled.
What a beautiful smile, Dave thought to himself. That kind of smile should only be for me, no-one else.
“Hello Dave,” Mick greeted him with the usual warmth he always did, then he introduced the blond man to Dave. “This is Peter Noone, he’s here to do a song with his group. Peter, this is my band mate, Dave.”
Peter held out his hand to Dave, who had no choice but to accept the handshake, but in his head, Dave wanted to kill this Peter Noone with his own two hands.
Dave did not say anything to Peter, nor did he even smile at him as people should when they are first introduced to one another, he simply gave Peter a curt nod of acknowledgement and left it at that. Dave did not want to converse with this young man at all, and did not even want Peter to be there; he just wanted Mick to himself.
“Nice to meet you Dave,” Peter said warmly, his accent made Dave guess that he was from these parts. “Hey, I was just telling Mick that I really like your song, it really deserves to be number one, well done.”
“Thank you,” Dave said, looking at Peter very coldly, refusing to smile. “So, er...who are you exactly? I mean, I know your name’s Peter, and I’m sure I’ve seen your face before, but I can’t think where, what’s the name of the group you’re in?”
Dave knew he was appearing and sounding very rude but he did not care; after all, how dare Peter or anyone else try to cosy up to Mick!
“Herman’s Hermits,” Peter replied. “They’re over there.”
The blond pointed at four men who were sitting talking in one corner of the room, with a man Dave recognised as one of the Top of the Pops presenters, Pete Murray. Dave however, was not interested in Herman’s Hermits, he was just interested in getting Mick away from Peter. Dave’s good side was telling him to grow up and stop being jealous over nothing, his bad side, the little devil on his shoulder was telling him, How dare this little blond haired twat make friends with Mick!
“Oh yeah, I think I have heard that name,” Dave answered in an obvious ‘couldn’t really care less’ kind of way. “So tell me Peter, do you think your group will last the rest of this year?”
The smile on Peter’s face faded at such a question; this pleased Dave. After seeing Mick had made a friend other than himself, he was struggling not to slip back into his nasty old ways, but Dave could not help it because that was how he was feeling at that point; his good and bad side fighting all the time.
“Oh well...er,” Peter said awkwardly. “I certainly hope we will, but you know...we have to wait and see.”
Dave could see that Mick was not looking pleased at his rudeness towards Peter, but right now he did not care; his jealous side felt that Mick had no right to go making friends with anyone other than himself, certainly not close friends and certainly not without his approval.
Mick looked beautiful when he was happy, but Dave felt that only he should be the one to put that beaming smile on Mick’s face.
All the way through the Kinks’ performance, Dave was glad that the band only had to mime, because his mind was elsewhere. He was very much tortured with long unwanted thoughts and feelings that he now had a strong desire to act upon, but because of the laws of those times and because of the band, he knew he was forbidden to do so.
In front of the cameras, Dave put on an act, looking very much like he was enjoying every moment. He even smiled into a nearby camera, but inside, he was tormented. He was even beginning to suspect that maybe Mick was attracted to other men, because in all the time he had known the drummer, Mick had never had a girlfriend or even shown any interest in getting one. Also, the way the drummer had been looking at and talking to that bloody mancunian aroused Dave’s suspicions. Did this prove anything? If this was the case then maybe there was a chance that Mick could return his affections, but when he had seen the way in which he and Peter were exchanging looks, Dave worried that Mick’s affections lay elsewhere; he could not allow that to happen.
Dave knew that he had upset Mick earlier with his rudeness towards Peter, he took a quick glance at the drummer, who was making every effort to look like he was playing the drums, maybe that was why Mick’s face was so somber, maybe Mick was finding the whole performance stressful.
The way Mick was biting his lip as he pretended to play made Dave think that the drummer had a lot on his mind, then he noticed Mick’s sad expression as the two made eye contact for one second, but Mick quickly turned away to concentrate on his performance.
Dave just knew that he was in Mick’s bad books.
Mick made his way into the dressing room, not caring whether or not his band mates would miss his presence. He just wanted to go and meet Peter as arranged, and forget he was a member of a band that was rising to fame. He had had enough of Dave and his spoilt behaviour.
It was true that recently Dave had started to grow up a little, and in the past few weeks, they had even made friends. However, there had also been one too many incidents where Mick felt he was not even allowed to talk to someone without Dave coming over and belittling him for no reason whatsoever.
The previous week, when the Kinks had been playing in the same venue as the Who, Mick had got chatting with all four members while both bands were taking time out before they had to go on stage. Mick had seen no harm in just having a chat with the lads and making new friends; they all seemed really nice despite a few rumours he had heard about their behaviour.
The Who were friendly, funny and although his fellow drummer, Keith Moon was a bit ‘in your face’, he made Mick laugh with his jokes and made him feel like a friend. Then in Dave had come and ruined it. Dave had come up to Mick, leaned over him and aggressively spat, "When you have finished your little bonding session, perhaps you would like to join YOUR OWN band mates now. We go on in fifteen minutes!”
Mick sighed as he remembered how close he had come to tears. Fortunately, the boys in the Who had stuck up for him against Dave, when all Mick had been able to say was, “I’m sorry Dave, we were just talking, I must have lost track of time.”
Keith Moon had answered this by asking Mick, “Are you just gonna let him talk to you like that?”
As Mick removed his suit jacket and placed it over the back of a chair, he remembered how it would have led to a fight between Dave and the Who if Grenville, along with another man he did not know (perhaps the Who’s manager) had not come into that room and interrupted them.
Why did Dave behave the way he did? Mick felt that perhaps he should learn to stand up for himself. Otherwise, Dave was always going to be walking all over him.
As Mick sat down and looked at himself in the mirror, wondering why life sometimes treated him so rough, his thoughts were interrupted by a knock at the door.
Mick looked around and called out timidly, “Who is it?”
“Mick, it’s me, Peter,” the voice outside called out. “Are you in there on your own?”
Mick’s heart began beating excitedly, the friendliest face he had seen since he arrived in Manchester was just on the other side of the door. Mick looked at himself in the mirror? Did he look all right? Well, he would have to do, as he could not keep his new friend waiting.
“Er...yes,” he quickly answered. “Yes. I am.”
Mick took a deep breath, looked in the mirror to make sure he looked decent, his heart was racing as he picked up a comb and quickly ran it through his beautiful dark hair. Just as he was thinking that he could have done with going back to the hotel to shower and change his clothes, he caught sight in the mirror of the door opening, and Peter coming in.
Mick turned around, and did not know whether to feel happy to see Peter, or annoyed with him for letting himself in without asking first. As he looked at Peter’s handsome face, he knew he could not stay annoyed with the blond. In fact, since meeting him, even with Dave trying to spoil things, Peter was all he had been able to think about.
Peter smiled at him warmly, “I’m glad you’re here by yourself,” he said. “I’m really supposed to be giving an interview along with the group but...I kind of pretended I wasn’t feeling well...I, er...wanted to see you instead, a bit naughty I know but, well here I am.”
Mick did not know what to say to that, but it made his heart race excitedly. He could not speak as he knew his voice was going to sound shaky; Surely not, he thought. Surely he doesn’t mean THAT.
Mick took a deep breath, all the time looking at Peter, and then he managed to say, “Can we go somewhere please? Anywhere but here, I’ve had enough of this place for today.”
“Me too,” Peter agreed. “Come on Mick, let’s just get out of here.”
Mick was relieved to get out into the cool night air; he had felt like he was beginning to suffocate in the studio, especially as the former church was only a small building and there seemed to be a lot of people about.
When the band had gone on stage to mime You really got me, Mick had been very overwhelmed by the studio floor, the cameras and the stage lighting rigs, which he was not yet used to. He supposed that he should have felt glad of the fans who were there to see them; maybe he was afraid of messing up because of how he was feeling. On top of that, during his performance with the band, he was beginning to have doubts about whether to stay. He had always wanted to be in a band where he got along with all of his band mates, not just most of them, but there always seemed to be one person who was determined to make his life a misery. Meeting Peter that day had probably been the only thing that had stopped him from running away and never coming back.
It was now dark, and as there were still fans waiting outside, Mick and Peter sneaked out of the back and made their way to a cosy little pub called The Traveller’s Inn just at the end of Dickenson Road.
Mick thought this place seemed very homely and quaint, and it reminded him very much of a country pub. There was something warm and romantic about the atmosphere; the ceilings were very low and had exposed beams and there was a fireplace which had a lovely warm glow.
“I like to come here,” Peter told him as they walked in. “I like to escape here rather than the other pub up the road, where loads of people who’ve been on Top of the Pops are likely to end up; it'll be nice and quiet here.”
Mick smiled shyly and agreed with his new friend, and he did not feel very much like being around too many people either.
Peter insisted on buying the drinks, and he asked Mick what he wanted; Mick did not know so he said he would have whatever Peter was having. So Peter ended up ordering a lager and lime for each of them.
They sat in a corner and just talked for a while; Mick found that he really liked Peter, and as the evening went on, Mick discovered where he had seen Peter before. As well as being a singer in a band, Peter had until recently been an actor the television programme Coronation Street. Although Mick did not care for the Manchester soap opera himself, he knew that his foster mum Rachel had got into the habit of watching it of an evening, and out of curiosity, Mick would sometimes watch it with her.
Peter told Mick all about life in Manchester, and about landing a role in Coronation Street after auditioning successfully. Mick also learned that Peter’s band mates were called Derek, Keith, Karl and Barry; when Mick asked if Peter got on with them all well enough, this was where they got onto the subject of Dave, and the subject of Mick’s time as a Rolling Stone. Peter was surprised to learn this as Mick just seemed far too nice to have belonged to that band.
“Yeah, well that’s just it,” Mick explained. “I suppose I was...and still am, far too nice. Too nice for my own good sometimes.”
“Why do you say that Mick?” Peter asked him.
“I dunno,” Mick shrugged. “I s’pose that...I try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, try to see the best in everyone, but then I just...I dunno, end up getting hurt I guess.”
“Are you a poor judge of character?” Peter asked.
“No, I don’t think so,” Mick replied. “I can usually tell what a person is like and whether they're nice or not. But I am a Christian and try to be nice to everyone, maybe that alone can bring out the best in people, but...sometimes it doesn’t.”
“You mean that some people are just plain awful?” Peter laughed.
“I don’t like to say that about anyone or speak badly of anyone,” Mick said with a sad smile.
“Well you are obviously a kind and non-judgemental guy Mick,” Peter complimented. “But you know, I don’t think that’s always a good thing; because like you said, you can get hurt, and you obviously have been hurt.”
Mick smiled and took another drink of his half pint, and he did not want this conversation to lead to him crying or spilling the beans about his past. A past that he would much rather forget but would always haunt him to the day he died.
“It was a bit stressful flying here from London,” Mick continued as he put his glass down on the table. “I’ve never flown in a plane before and was scared.”
“You’re afraid of flying?” Peter asked.
“I didn’t think I would be,” Mick replied. “In fact, I was kind of excited to be travelling even further out with my three good friends...well, I say ‘friends’ but Dave can be…”Mick trailed off.
“Dave can be…” Peter indicated for Mick to finish his sentence.
Mick laughed awkwardly, “Well...he and I can...well let’s just say, I have made every effort with him since I joined the band, but a lot of the time he’s been an absolute...well arsehole if I’m perfectly honest.”
“I have to admit, I did not like his attitude towards me when we were introduced earlier,” Peter stated with a very frank expression. “He didn’t smile, he seemed sarcastic, and what was that he was saying about if I thought my band would last until the end of the year? How would he know? Herman’s Hermits have been together two years now, how long have his band been together...I would say only…”
“Er, no actually they have probably been together as long as your band,” Mick had to interrupt his friend before he said something out of line. “I haven’t been with them that long though, only since last year, but Dave and his brother have been playing music together a long time, along with Pete of course. Sorry, just thought I would correct you there.”
Mick stated these words in a straightforward but kind way, which he hoped Peter would accept; he was not disappointed.
“Er...yeah okay,” Peter laughed. “I stand corrected.”
“Thank you,” Mick said, and then laughed. “But you are right in thinking that we only signed a recording contract this year, and have only started finding fame this year.”
“Oh Mick,” Peter laughed. “That was why I brought you here instead of The Portland up the road from here, and I wanted to talk to you properly and get to know you. I knew I wouldn’t get a chance if we went to where all the stars go after filming Top of the Pops. No doubt my band mates are over there now enjoying themselves, getting drunk and moaning about me not being there, but I don’t care. I much prefer being here with you.”
Mick felt himself blushing at these words and, not for the first time, he thought, Surely not, he can’t be coming on to me.
The two must have talked for another hour or so, about everything and anything. Peter told Mick about growing up in Manchester, and he even said to Mick that perhaps one day he would show him his old childhood haunts.
Mick listened to the things that Peter had to tell him, and wished he had happy things to tell his friend about his own childhood. When Peter asked him about what he enjoyed doing as a child, Mick felt awkward. How could he explain that until he was taken into foster care at age thirteen, he had never known true happiness? So in the end, Mick decided that he needed to be honest, and tell Peter the truth, though he did not want to reveal all of his life experiences to someone he had just met that day.
“I have a lovely foster mum; I call her by her first name, which is Rachel,” Mick explained. “She took me in when I was thirteen, and I wouldn’t change a thing even if I could, though sometimes I can’t help but feel it would have been nice to have had a proper mum and dad.”
Peter nodded solemnly in acknowledgement to Mick’s revelation, “So what happened?”
“I...I don’t really want to talk about what happened,” Mick replied. “What I will talk about is my wonderful adopted brother, Steve. We did everything together, and it was like I could make up for all I had missed out on...well almost.”
“Almost?” Peter queried, raising his eyebrows.
Mick laughed awkwardly, “I...I just mean that, well, I never had a father figure I suppose, so I, well I learned to live without that in my life. But Steve and I, we’re probably closer than any biological brothers could ever be. We can go for weeks or months even without seeing each other at all and...and nothing changes, we’re still as close as ever. God. I miss him so much.”
“Yeah, you do sound like you two have a special bond,” Peter said. “It certainly sounds very unique what you have.”
“Yeah, we’re soul mates me and Steve,” Mick said as he thought fondly of the young man he always referred to as his brother. “I’m not even sure what it was that made us click to be honest, after all, he is three years younger than me, and really we’re like chalk and cheese in some ways. He loves the guitar, plays it brilliantly, whereas I was drawn more to the drums. He’s very feisty; I’m quite shy and reserved.”
“Perhaps it was a love of music,” Peter suggested.
“Well, yes, that certainly helped,” Mick agreed. “We’ve also both had pretty bad starts in life, so we understand each other, we have each other to talk to when we’re down, and we’re there for each other through thick and thin. Whenever one of us needs the other, we kind of just know it.”
“Well, that’s good,” Peter said. “I suppose, whatever you went through when you were young, something good came out of it, you met Steve, your soul mate.”
“Yes, I did,” Mick agreed. “Oh, Peter, it’s not that I don’t want to tell you everything, it’s just not an easy thing to talk about, you know. Maybe one day when we’re...I mean, if we get to know each other better, and we will be seeing each other again right?”
“Yeah, you bet we will Mick don’t you worry,” Peter assured him. “I don’t ask someone to come for a drink with me with no intention of seeing them again. Hey, drink up, there’s a good lad, then we’ll go for a walk somewhere.”
Mick smiled at this, the way Peter told him to ‘drink up’, made him obey immediately, he had been so busy talking that he still had more than half left in his glass.
As Mick sat there finishing his lager and lime, he thought of the things Peter had said to him, about ‘asking him to come for a drink’ and ‘we’ll go for a walk somewhere’. Were these the kind of things that a man would normally say to another man? Was it the done thing for two men to ‘go for a walk’ together?
Mick started to wonder what Peter had planned. Was Peter interested in more than friendship or was he simply misreading the signals?
Even though they had only just met, Mick felt really comfortable with this young man, and there were very few people he felt comfortable around, he was really only just getting used to his band mates in the Kinks.
Being with Peter gave Mick a warm feeling which he could not explain. As he was finishing his lager and lime, he kept wondering whether he just imagined all these things, and that Peter really was just like any other guy you would meet, who just wanted to make a new friend, and to mix with new people.
Dave looked desperately around for Mick, not quite knowing why he was feeling so worried.
He had come to realise how stupid he had been in his attitude towards Peter Noone, and how much more growing up he needed to do.
After their rather frustrating performance, during which they all had to hide their worry of being seen by everyone in the country very soon, and having to act happy for the cameras and make the performance look as natural as possible, Mick had quickly disappeared as soon as he had been able.
Dave felt terrible when he thought of how hurt Mick seemed, and just wanted to apologise. He wanted to make it up to Mick in some way, perhaps he could arrange to meet up with Mick once they were back in London, for one of those jamming sessions Mick had asked him about when they had first met. If only he had not been such an idiot, then maybe Mick would not have avoided him like the plague.
Dave knew he just had to find Mick, to have a real talk with him; he just could not live like this anymore. What was the point? Months of agony, months of longing; was there any need for it?
Dave was beginning to think that maybe he had nothing to lose in telling Mick why he had behaved the way he did for so long. He was beginning to feel that he should get Mick on his own and tell him exactly how he felt. Sure, Mick may not react very well but what was the worst that could happen? He had got to know Mick recently, and it seemed that the drummer was the least judgemental person that Dave had ever known, so he was thinking now that the worst possible scenario would be that Mick would leave the group and say nothing to Ray and Pete.
Then Dave knew that his heart would break all over again if Mick was to completely disappear from his life, so now he was in a complete dilemma over what to do. One minute it made sense to say nothing so that at least he would still be able to see Mick regularly, not only that but Dave was still afraid of his feelings for another man being found out by other people, and then bad things would happen that he did not want to think about. The next minute he felt that his life had been pretty much a living hell anyway, because of the way he was feeling and seeing beautiful Mick almost every day, and these feelings he had, that would probably never be fulfilled in the way Dave longed for them to be. How could he go on like this?
No, the best thing to do in the long run would be to come clean to Mick about everything, tell him the truth, tell him exactly how he felt. Even though it was more than likely Mick would walk away and it would hurt, at least then he would be able to try and move on. Yes, that was the plan for tonight, to end this agony once and for all.
As Dave looked around among the people hanging around the dressing rooms backstage, he cared nothing about who was there or how famous they were; he only wanted to see Mick. There were several people who kept getting in his way; he could tell these people were part of the camera team, and then he heard someone call his name. Dave looked around and saw his brother Ray with Pete and a couple of guys he was sure he had seen earlier. Perhaps they would know where Mick was. He went over to them, and they were standing outside a dressing room; on the door, it said Herman’s Hermits. Yes, Dave knew who these two new guys were now, they were two of Peter Noone’s band mates. One of them was tall, sandy-haired and wore dark glasses, the other had darker hair, and Dave did not think much to either of them looks-wise. Peter was nowhere to be seen, nor was Mick, this was why Dave was keen to ask questions.
“All right there brother.” Ray said cheerfully. “I’m glad as hell that’s over aren’t you?”
“Where’s Mick?” Dave asked. “And who are your new friends?”
The band member with the dark glasses answered. “Hiya, I’m Derek; you’re Dave aren’t you?”
“Yeah I am,” Dave confirmed, not really caring. “But I’m looking for Mick, where is he you two?” By ‘you two’ of course he meant Ray and Pete.
“Oh we’re missing our band mate too,” the second man said. “Peter’s gone AWOL on us. I mean, we were supposed to give an interview, but he said he wasn’t very well and needed to lie down; I think he was lying.”
“Why do you think that?” Pete laughed.
“And who are you?” Dave asked the man who had just spoken.
“Keith Hopwood,” the man answered. “And Pete, in answer to your question, I think Peter was lying because I can just sort of tell when he is. I am sure there was somewhere else he wanted to escape to. I think he’s got a date.”
“Ohh I wonder if that’s why Mick’s nowhere to be seen,” Ray laughed. “Do you reckon he’s got a date too?”
“Who knows,” Pete replied. “But if he has, it’s not with Honey Lantree like Grenville was hoping; she’s over there look.”
Pete pointed to where the Honeycombs’ female drummer was talking to someone, in fact Dave noticed there were a fair few famous faces knocking around, but all he wanted was Mick.
“Is Mick in our dressing room?” Dave asked, suddenly thinking that it was the most obvious place and why did he not think of that in the first place.
“Yeah he might be,” Ray shrugged. “But Dave, we’re all going up the road to a pub these two recommended, do you want to come? I mean, I know I don’t want to go to bed yet, I want to have some fun. Find Mick and he can come too.”
Dave had every intention of going to find Mick, so he shook hands with the two members of Herman’s Hermits he had just met, even though he really did not care for them, and made his way to the Kinks’ dressing room. This was the moment he was going to confess his undying love for Mick, this was the moment he would get it out of his system and end his months of anguish.
As Dave approached the dressing room door, his heart began beating with sheer nerves; he took some deep breaths to try and calm himself. He decided he would start by telling Mick where they were all going and that he was welcome to come with them, then he would take it from there. He would sit down with Mick, apologise for his unkind behaviour in the past few months, and then explain to him why he had been that way; it was now or never. He took another deep breath and stood at the door for one moment, his heart was racing, did he really have the courage to say what he was about to say? Dave breathed again and turned the handle of the door, he pushed it open expecting to see Mick. He looked around; the dressing room was empty. Dave’s heart sank. Where was Mick?
Dave’s disappointment of not seeing the drummer was so great, that he quickly shut the door behind him so that no-one would see him as he cried. He leaned against the door, he felt a lump form in his throat, as he thought of all the things he wanted get off his chest. Only for them to be delayed a bit longer, because he had no idea where Mick had gone; it seemed no-one else did either.
Dave sank to the floor, unable to stop the flow of tears that were falling freely from his eyes. He wanted Mick so badly that it was now hurting so much, oh the things that Dave was planning to tell him, but where was he and why had he disappeared? Unpleasant thoughts were forming in Dave’s mind; what if he had pushed Mick too far this time? What if Mick had gone away and not told the band that he had left them?
Dave asked himself why he had to be so uncivil towards Peter Noone? Peter had been pleasant enough to him, yet Dave’s jealousy at Mick making a new friend had got the better of him...again!
“Oh Mick,” Dave whispered. “I’m so sorry, please forgive me.”
Dave cried for another ten minutes, wondering if he was ever going to see Mick again. After ten minutes, he tried to pull himself together and think rationally. After all, he must never let on to anyone else about his feelings, not his brother, not Pete and certainly not Robert or Grenville. He did suspect Grenville may show him more compassion than Robert, but he certainly was not prepared to take that chance.
Dave knew that whatever he was feeling, he needed to get himself together, ready to go out with Ray and Pete and whoever else was tagging along with them that evening. Who knows? Perhaps he might see Mick there, and perhaps the drummer was already at the pub and mingling with everyone right now. This seemed unlikely really, as Mick was not really the sociable type; Mick was just too timid and shy. Still, there was hope that he would see the drummer again that evening, and it was more than likely that Mick had gone back to the hotel to spend time on his own. They had all had a very overwhelming experience with filming Top of the Pops, which very soon was to be shown on television and seen by so many people throughout the country. If they were to become a household name, then the band had a lot to get used to.
Dave knew that whatever he was feeling now, he needed to suck it up and get back down to Earth. Mick had not run away, he was around somewhere. He may even be fast asleep in bed and if so, he would see him later. For now, he was going to go out there, tell the others that he was unable to find Mick and see what happened after that. It was no good crying, he knew that for sure.
Dave got up and wiped away the tears with the back of his hand, he then went to the mirror to make himself look more presentable. He obviously did not want everyone to see he had been crying; part of his masculinity had already gone for good since meeting the beautiful Mick. He hated this, but there was nothing he could do about it now, all he hoped to do was try to hide it if he could.
Dave looked in the mirror and saw his eyes were red from crying, and he needed to wash his face before he set foot outside of the dressing room again, and he could definitely do with tidying his hair. He went over to the sink and filled it with water; then he washed his face as well as he could.
Dave sighed, as once again for the millionth time, he began to fantasise about the drummer, who he longed to hold and touch all over. He was starting to have those unsavoury thoughts that often took up his time. He closed his eyes as he imagined Mick walking into the room at that very moment.
Dave almost believed that Mick had his arms around him and was kissing his neck sexily from behind. As Dave dreamed away, he imagined he was looking into Mick’s eyes. Mick had a face like an angel, lips so divine and lips that Dave longed to kiss. Dave’s fantasy went even further as he pictured Mick embracing him and pulling him in for a passionate kiss, he imagined Mick’s soft lips against his own, and then Mick opening his mouth and sliding his tongue gently into his mouth.
Dave could almost taste Mick and feel him, as their tongues explored each other’s mouths and they savoured every moment. Dave did not want to be brought out of this fantasy; he wanted to stay where he was, in Mick’s arms. He imagined their kiss becoming more passionate. He envisaged Mick was undoing the buttons of his shirt. Dave in turn, was undressing Mick as quickly as he could. He wanted to see Mick undressed; he wanted them both to be fully naked and on the floor of the dressing room making passionate love.
In his head, Dave was now undoing Mick’s trousers and dropping them onto the floor, he was kissing Mick’s beautiful neck, and working his way down, wanting to touch every part of him. Mick was then pulling Dave up and kissing him on the lips once again and parting his lips with his beautiful tongue. As Mick was kissing him, Dave could almost feel the drummer’s hands making their way to his flies and undoing them, his trousers dropping to the ground. They were now both in their underpants and feeling each other all over as they continued to kiss passionately and fiercely. Just as Dave began to picture what it would be like to feel Mick’s bulge against his leg, his fantasy was destroyed by a loud knocking sound.
Dave jumped and opened his eyes, he was alone again. Who had dared to bring him back to reality?
A voice called out, Dave recognised it immediately as his brother’s voice which irked him all the more, “Dave, you in there?” Ray’s voice called out.
Dave made every effort not to snap; Ray was the last person he wanted to see. He just wanted Mick and he wanted him now.
“What do you want?” Dave called out crossly.
“Are you coming?” Ray called back.
Dave sighed, “Yes I’m coming.”
Well, he could finish that fantasy tonight when he was in bed.
As Dave made his way out to where Ray and the others were waiting, he wondered if it was possible that he could still talk to Mick if he saw him later. Perhaps he would still find the opportune moment when they were at the hotel and he and Mick could find a moment alone together.
As Dave walked along the quiet road with Ray, Pete and the two members of Herman’s Hermits they had met, he wondered if there was a chance he could still tell Mick what he would have told him in the dressing room.
As he was walking with his companions, Dave began to practise to himself in his head what he was going to say to Mick when he got him alone. Well, first of all, he was going to approach the drummer and tell him he wanted to talk to him. Then what would he say? Yes, that was the part that would be tricky.
As expected, The Portland was full of people who had made their way from the television studio to drink and socialise. Dave looked around in the hope that he could find Mick; again he did not care about anyone else who was there or about meeting anyone famous until Mick was by his side.
As he desperately looked around all the crowds of people drinking and talking together, Dave began to get extremely irritable because as he was desperately scanning the bar and the entire room in the hope of spotting Mick. While he was looking, he was frustrated to keep getting people tapping him on the arm or pulling him in every direction trying to get him to ‘come and meet this person’, ‘come and meet that person’ and ‘will you please sign me an autograph?’
He even got an excitable woman with a camera who asked if she could take a few photos of him and the Kinks together; that was when he felt like snapping because he said to the woman, “Well how can you? One of us is missing.”
The woman, however, did not really care about this as she simply said, “Oh well, any of you is better than none of you.”
Well no, it’s not, you daft bitch! Dave thought. I want MICK to be with us, I want us to be complete, the group was NEVER complete until he came along, and if I don’t see him again soon, I am sure I will die, I can’t cope without him, he is my everything and I want him to know that.
No-one that night seemed to care about what he was feeling; Dave’s temper was becoming more and more tested every minute. He was getting offers to buy him a drink when he did not even want to be there; he had only tagged along because he did not know what else to do.
He thought that if he had gone back to the hotel and Mick was not there either, he would definitely not know what to do with himself, and he would sure as hell go out of his mind with the worry and anxiety of thinking that he was not going to see his beautiful drummer again, that he had lost Mick for good without telling him how he felt.
As Dave could not find Mick, he thought he would look around for one of the band’s managers. Yes, perhaps they had seen Mick. Robert and Grenville may be just as concerned as he himself was that Mick was nowhere to be found.
Dave looked around and saw that Ray and Pete were with the two managers, and they were talking to that irritating photographer woman; he was pleased to see that it looked as though they were telling her what he was feeling. Couldn’t that woman take the hint? They were all tired, they just wanted to relax not work. Not only that, Dave just wanted to find Mick. Why had his luck gone against him?
Dave approached his band mates and the managers; as he got near them, he heard Robert saying to the woman photographer, “Oh yeah well I’d be more than happy for you to take photos of my boys for your paper, but I’m afraid our drummer’s gone AWOL.”
Dave’s heart sank, so neither Robert or Grenville had any idea where Mick was, and now he was finding it increasingly harder to hide his anxiety.
“Guys that’s what I wanted to ask you,” Dave said, failing to hide how upset he was. “Where is Mick?”
“We don’t know Dave,” Grenville answered. “He’s disappeared off somewhere, which is a shame because this young lady here is taking pictures of bands. She says she’s happy to take one of just you three, but we feel that Mick should be in the photo.”
“My name’s Deborah,” the woman said, looking at Dave, who was clearly not interested. “I work for Manchester Evening News, and I’ve been so excited to meet all the stars this evening. I’ve already showed my ID to your manager and band mates, but you can see it too if you like...Dave isn’t it?”
“Yeah I’m Dave,” Dave confirmed indifferently. “And no, it’s okay I believe you. I can’t say I care for having my photo taken without Mick; he should be here too.”
“I agree with you Dave,” Grenville said. “We are hoping he will turn up here any minute.”
“Yes but even if he doesn’t,” Robert stated, “having your picture taken to go in any newspaper can’t be a bad thing can it? Not if you want to sell yourself.”
Dave felt like telling Robert to shut the fuck up, but he really did not want to make an arse of himself; he did not want it to end up being printed in a newspaper. One thing he felt would be the downside of being famous would be the papers printing stories about you and people taking pictures without your permission, or like now, people pestering you to let them take pictures when you were clearly not in the mood.
What Dave said instead was, “If she just takes a picture of us three, then it will just be like it used to be when we were the Ravens; we want to have all four of us in the paper.”
“It doesn’t matter at the moment,” Deborah reassured him. “I just want pictures of people who’ve been on Top of the Pops today. I’ve just taken pictures of other people who’s band mates aren’t all here, Herman’s Hermits for example. Their lead singer, Peter Noone seems to be missing. Their manager said he is for it when he finds him.”
This made everyone laugh except Dave, who was just becoming more and more pissed off at how nothing was going his way at all that day. He felt he had no choice but to do as he was asked and have his photo taken with his brother and Pete. Dave did not feel like smiling for the camera, he only agreed to smile on the condition that this woman hurried the fuck up and got on with taking photos, he would not tolerate being told to say ‘cheese’, he would not tolerate having to pose for too long.
After Deborah had finished taking pictures, he warned Ray that if he dared to say anything to him about his attitude, he would punch him. Not even an offer of a drink would cheer him up, no he was not going to be happy until he had seen Mick.
Dave did not want to mingle with anyone else that evening who came up to him and his two band mates; just about everyone he saw pissed him off for no reason at all, why was everyone there except the one person he wanted to see? Then he remembered what had been said about Peter Noone also not being around, boy if he had anything to do with Mick not being there, he would pay. He and Mick had been far too friendly with each other for his liking; he was not going to stand for it if there was anything in it for him to worry about.
Right now, Dave was suffocating and needed some fresh air. He made his excuses and left the pub, deciding to look for Mick back at the hotel. They were only staying there one night and if Mick really had run away, he would find a way to go after him, beg him to stay.
Mick laughed at the jokes his new friend was telling him. He had not had so much fun in a long time, and did not want the evening to end.
After leaving The Traveller’s Inn, he and Peter did not really know what else to do, but Mick was still enjoying his company. They had just wandered around the parts of Rusholme, continuing to talk, enjoying the fresh evening air. They were now sitting in an empty park beside a lake; it was so tranquil. Mick could see the moon shining in the water, and he felt so peaceful for the first time in goodness knows how long. It was so nice to have a new friend at his side, and he sure as hell needed that break from the pressures of being in a band.
“Thanks for this evening Peter,” he said to the blond. “I really needed it.”
Peter shrugged, “It’s not over yet,” he replied. “I’ve got so much more we could do this evening, if you are willing.”
“Oh I’d love to,” Mick answered, then his face fell as he thought of the grindstone he would have to return to tomorrow, and the travelling with the Kinks that was still on the agenda. “I don’t really think I ought to stay up much longer though, I mean, we’re leaving here no later than eleven tomorrow, and so I’ll probably need the sleep.”
“That’s a shame,” Peter sighed. “Though I am hoping we can meet up when I come to London.”
“Yes of course,” Mick smiled, cheering up at the thought. “You know I would love to.”
“I’m glad,” Peter smiled. “You know, I don’t know why but, when I heard your group were going to be on Top of the Pops the same day as us, I was so excited.”
“Really, why?” Mick asked curiously. “I was dreading the whole thing, and I thought I would ruin it for the boys.”
Peter turned to look into Mick’s green eyes, “I’d heard so much of you.”
Mick’s heart skipped a beat, “Good or bad?”
“Oh nothing but good,” Peter reassured him.
“What did you hear?” Mick asked his friend, he was very curious as to what good things someone could possibly tell about himself.
“Just that you were a nice guy,” Peter explained. “That you had been hired as drummer for the Kinks, that they used to be called the Ravens, and that you had brought life back into the band when they were going nowhere.”
Mick blushed at such a compliment that he had heard before, but had never quite believed.
“I don’t really think that’s entirely true,” he said, modestly. “I’m just a drummer, as I have to keep telling many people who try to praise me up, when I don’t think it’s deserved.”
“I heard you can pick up a rhythm to a song after only hearing it once,” Peter continued. “That you have the amazing ability of working long hours without a break and without taking any form of illegal drug; if that’s true, then it’s amazing.
“Oh Peter,” Mick shook his head in disbelief. “Don’t believe everything you hear, who’s been talking anyway?”
“Can’t quite remember now,” Peter replied to Mick’s question. “But news does travel fast.”
“Well, the truth is I had to quit my day job so that I could devote all my time to the band,” Mick stated. “Yes, it’s true, I have managed to play whole gigs without taking any pep pill when I could have done with one, but I sure as hell struggled. I have even fallen asleep on several occasions, nothing amazing about it really. I would have ended up in hospital if I had not chosen between this band and my job.”
“It’s true that you are a nice guy though,” Peter told him. “When I first saw you today, I just knew I had to come up and talk to you. You seemed approachable and pleasant. I wasn’t afraid to go up to you, the way I am with some famous people.”
“Why, thank you Peter,” Mick said, still amazed that someone could tell him such nice things. “I’ve only just met you and...well, you cheered me up when we met, made me feel a bit more relaxed when I just wanted to go home.”
“Will you come home with me tonight then?”
Mick felt shivers of excitement all over him, surely Peter did not mean what he thought...surely not.
“W...what do you mean?” Mick asked his friend. “I don’t know if that’s…”
“Oh come on Mick,” Peter said. “You and I both know that it’s what you want, you can’t say you are not...that way inclined. I mean, lager and lime, come on, do you think any ‘normal’ guy would order lager and lime to drink?”
“Wha...what does that have to do with anything?” Mick asked, not knowing whether to feel turned on or horrified that someone had sussed that he was ‘not normal’.
“Look, it doesn’t matter Mick,” Peter said apologetically. “Maybe I was a bit too forward, but...you know, I really like you and...I can get...quite lonely sometimes, even among a crowd of people.”
“I’m sorry Peter,” Mick sighed. “I like you too, I don’t like turning you down, but...it just seems a bit soon you know...after all, we’ve only just met.”
“Of course,” Peter apologised again. “Yeah you’re right, just forget it, it’s probably not a good idea anyway...I mean, there are laws against it and...forgive me Mick.”
Mick put his hand in Peter’s, “There’s nothing to forgive,” he said kindly. “Just so you know, the fact I’ve turned you down has nothing to do with the law.”
“No? Peter asked. “Then what?”
Mick sighed, “It’s like I said, it’s too soon.”
“I know we’ve only just met,” Peter sighed. “But, you’re the loveliest person I’ve met since...well, forever. I...I don’t even know how long it will be until we meet again. Can I...can I kiss you? Just once?”
Mick was astounded at such a request, but then he thought: Would it really be so unpleasant to kiss Peter? He is gorgeous, look at his blond hair and amazing eyes.
Still, Mick was afraid of what to say; he hated to say no, but if he said yes, what would happen next? Mick always kind of knew whenever he met a man like himself, he always believed that men who liked other men just tended to find each other.
Not knowing how to answer, Mick simply stared into Peter’s eyes. He tried to speak, but no words came out.
“No-one will see us Mick,” Peter begged. “I’ve wanted to do it all day.”
“You’re really not supposed to kiss someone on the first date,” Mick said softly. “It brings bad luck, so they say.”
“What a load of rubbish,” Peter snickered. “Please Mick, you’re so beautiful.”
Mick could not resist anymore, as Peter took hold of his face in his hands, Mick succumbed to Peter's charms. As their lips met, Mick just got lost in the moment; it was the loveliest feeling that he had experienced in a long time. However, as gorgeous as Peter was and as much as he loved his company, Mick knew that maybe what he was doing was wrong, but he really could not see himself doing any better, and he needed someone to hold him and show him affection. Sure, his band mates were affectionate in their way, but this was different. Mick needed the companionship of another man, and although secretly, deep down he wished it was Dave, but from what he had heard from Ray, it seemed unlikely that his feelings for his wayward band mate would be returned. Why should he not grasp happiness with someone else while he had the chance?
From the way that Peter was kissing him, it seemed clear to Mick that the blond man wanted him, and this made him happy. Mick had no respect for the laws of that time, though he did not fancy getting caught. Yet he felt safe in the place they were in, an empty park at night with no-one around except maybe a few owls in the trees, and what would they care?
As they broke away from the kiss after ten minutes, they opened their eyes, looked at each other and smiled; it was obvious that neither of them regretted a thing.
It was also obvious that neither of them noticed who was watching them.
Notes:
Thank you very much for reading, as always, your comments are very much appreciated. I am going to be working more on When the impossible happens for a little while so the next chapter of this story will take a bit longer. I promise it won't take much longer for Mick and Dave to get together.
Chapter 9
Summary:
Dave is heartbroken when he sees Mick kissing Peter, but now he knows he has a chance with him, he has to find a way to make Mick see they are meant to be together. However, his bad side keeps getting in the way every time he thinks of Peter.
Notes:
I would like to thank Gina Callen for going over this story for me while my main beta is really busy (and she continued to be 'busy'), otherwise you would all have had to wait much longer for this chapter.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Love me til the sun shines
Chapter 9
Dave’s heart almost stopped. He could not believe what he was seeing.
The man he loved, who he had been unable to stop thinking about for months and months was kissing someone else. Dave could see, from where he was hidden in the shadows, that Mick seemed to be enjoying that kiss. How could this be happening?
Dave watched, unable to move, and he felt a numb feeling in his chest; he was unable to stop the tears falling from his eyes. He knew his heart was breaking; if Mick was as in love with Peter as Dave was with Mick, then Dave knew he did not stand a chance. All he had been dreaming of since the day he met Mick was to come to nothing.
Dave watched the two of them looking into each other’s eyes, and he could also hear them giggling to one another, and then he saw that Mick was saying something to Peter. Dave was too far away to hear what was being said, but it looked like Mick was saying something extremely sweet, something which Dave felt Mick should only ever say to him. Dave was crushed, as all this time he had had a possible chance with Mick, if only he had known from the start, then he and Mick could have been together long ago. Now Mick had been snapped up, and Dave did not think he was going to be able to cope with seeing Mick every day, not now he had seen this.
This was not supposed to happen; it was wrong!
Dave was unable to move as he watched the two of them together; the pain in his heart was so great that he grabbed his chest with his hand, and he could scarcely breathe. Dave thought he was going to die, and all because of what he was seeing right in front of him. He breathed deeply and let out a sob that was so loud, it made Mick and Peter look up towards where he was standing. Thankfully, the shadows and the tree Dave was standing under hid him very well and it was too dark for them to see him. Dave slowly moved back in case the the pair were to come over and see who or what it was that had made that sudden noise.
He heard the sound of Mick’s voice saying to Peter, “Did you hear that?”
“I heard something,” Peter replied. “But doesn’t look like anybody’s here. It’s probably just some animal. I mean, who would be in out in this park at this hour?”
“You and me for a start,” Mick laughed.
Dave heard both of them giggling and he did not know why, but the sound of their laughter hurt him even more. It was pretty obvious that neither of them knew he was watching them, and when Dave peeped out at them again, it appeared they were not going to come and investigate who had made the sound that had startled them. Dave felt numb all over as he watched the two of them, and that bloody Peter Noone was whispering something in Mick’s ear. Whatever the blond man said, it made Mick giggle. Dave listened, and what Mick said next shattered Dave’s heart all over again.
“Peter, really,” Mick said, sounding to Dave like the drummer was shocked. “You want us to go back to your place to do something illegal?”
Dave knew, he just knew exactly what those words meant. Peter was going to seduce beautiful Mick. This was wrong!
He saw the two of them walking away. He could hear that they were still talking and laughing to one another, but Dave could no longer hear what was being said as the pair disappeared into the darkness.
Dave thought about following them, but he did not want to be subjected to any more heartbreak that night.
When the pair were gone from sight, Dave was so sick at heart that he fell to the ground in anguish and sobbed his heart out. His insides hurt so much, he felt a painful lump in his throat and a heavy weight on his chest and his body was wracked with sobs. Dave could not move for several minutes, he lay on the ground and cried, he felt that he did not want to live anymore if Mick loved someone else, and he thought of tying a heavy stone around his neck and throwing himself into the pond.
Perhaps taking his own life was not such a bad idea; he would see his sister, Mary again...but then what would she say if she could see him now? Somehow, thinking of her was what made Dave get up and start making his way back to the hotel. He knew the pain in his heart would not go away for a long time.
As Dave walked along the quiet and lonely streets of Rusholme, he felt so lonely; it had been a long time since Dave had felt this way, but this time it was worse. It was actually the worst he ever felt since Mary died.
When Dave arrived back at the hotel, the others had not yet arrived back. They were probably getting drunk, and he knew they would not be back until very late. He knew for certain he was not going to see Mick until the next morning; he also knew who Mick would be spending the night with. Suddenly as well as being heartbroken, he felt very angry. How the hell could Mick do this to him?
The lady who ran the hotel was there when he came in, and she asked him with concern if he was all right. Obviously he must have looked a state, as not only had he been crying hysterically, but he had been on the ground for several minutes, and he knew how dirty he must have looked. Dave did not want to be harassed or interrogated by anyone, so he quickly told her that he was feeling unwell and just needed some rest.
When Dave got to his hotel room, he slammed the door so hard that he could easily have woken up other guests, but he did not care; he had no concern for others. The hurt and anger inside of him was eating him up too much for him to think straight. Dave tried to calm down but failed, he breathed deeply but his tears had not fully subsided since he had broken down in the park, and he started sobbing again. He was afraid of others coming to knock on his door to make sure he was all right, so he locked it so no-one could come in.
Dave felt cold; he realised he had not been wearing a coat while he was out and also the room was not particularly warm. Shivering, he made his way to his bed and collapsed onto it. He curled up in a ball, and the more he thought of where his beautiful Mick had gone, the more he sobbed.
How dare Mick fall for somebody else when he had such a deep and passionate love for him? How dare that Peter fucking Noone steal Mick away from him. Oh he had a score to settle with Peter...and with Mick, if and when the drummer turned up in the morning. Dave assumed tomorrow was the most likely time Mick was to make an appearance, and boy was the drummer going to regret his mistake.
Dave cried himself to sleep that night; he did not hear when his brother Ray, Pete and the two managers came in at two in the morning.
Pete had been the only one sensible enough to drink in moderation, but he had to be there to make sure the rest of them got back all right after drinking way too much; Ray was even singing at the top of his voice, but his singing did not wake Dave.
Pete had been concerned about Dave all evening, and he was concerned about Mick too, especially as after the band’s Top of the Pops performance, the drummer had simply disappeared, without a word of where he was going. Pete thought that this was really quite selfish of Mick; he could at least have let them know, so they did not have to worry about him so much. Then Pete remembered he had to be reasonable; after all, it was out of working hours and Mick was not obliged to explain or justify himself to any of them.
Pete had noticed that Mick seemed unhappy since they had flown up from London to Manchester, and he did not quite know why that was. Pete had asked Mick several times if he was all right, but Mick had assured him each time that he was fine, and that he was just nervous about how the band were soon going to be known to everyone in the country. Pete just knew there was something more to it, but he did not want to push Mick into an explanation, and so he had left it at that. In his head though, Pete had decided he would keep a close eye out for the drummer, who was always reluctant to let the band know certain details about himself. Pete also noticed that occasionally, Dave was still giving Mick some shit, though Dave always assured both him and Ray that he and Mick had now made friends.
When Pete had seen that Ray, Robert and Grenville were in their beds, he decided he would go and check on Dave as he was worried for the teenager and had really been worried for quite some time. Although certain aspects of Dave’s behaviour had improved, the boy did not seem to be himself, and Dave looked like he was stuck in his own world a lot of the time. Pete was not even sure if Dave was in the hotel, as, like Mick, the teenager had disappeared.
Pete went to check Dave’s room, and he hoped to God that Dave was there. Pete approached Dave’s room and knocked at the door, but there was no answer. Pete tried opening the door, but it was locked.
He called out, “Dave...Dave are you in there?”
Pete listened hard...he heard no sound. Was Dave asleep? He hoped to God that Dave had made his way back here. Why did he let Dave wander off? Why could he not have noticed earlier that the boy had gone off on his own?
Pete was feeling pretty tired, but still worried about Dave and so he decided to knock on his door one last time. If Dave did not answer, he would try and find out from one of the hotel staff if the teenager had come back. So he knocked again and called out Dave’s name; when he did not answer for a second time, Pete tried to look through the keyhole to see if he could see anything...no, it was too dark.
Pete was just letting out a despairing sigh when a female voice behind him said, “It’s okay, he’s in there.”
Pete turned around and looked at who had just spoken; he blushed a little when he saw it was the lady who ran the hotel along with her husband. She was extremely pretty and had dark hair in a beehive. Pete could smell her perfume; he remembered seeing her when the Kinks had first arrived that afternoon to drop off their belongings. He remembered her lovely scent, and he could not help thinking to himself, it’s a shame she’s married.
Pete felt a little awkward in her presence, because after seeing Ray and Dave’s sister Lorna for the first time, he did not think he could ever find another woman quite so attractive, but then he had met this one here, who sadly was not available, and it was a shame as he had not had a girlfriend in a while.
“O...oh,” Pete said to her, trying desperately to look at her face, which was not hard really as she had such a lovely face. “Yeah...I...I was looking for Dave...my band mate, he’s my best mate’s little brother and as everyone else is drunk tonight...well apart from Mick because he’s gone off somewhere else...although I...I don’t know he could be drunk too but…”
The pretty woman laughed, “Yes, it’s okay, I get the message,” she said. “But yes, you don’t have to worry about Dave, he came in here a few hours ago. He looked quite upset to be honest, so I asked him if he was okay, and he said he just wasn’t well and he needed to lie down.”
Pete was relieved to hear that Dave was in his room, and that he had not answered to his knocking because he was fast asleep, though he was concerned to be told that Dave seemed upset.
“Thanks for telling me,” Pete said gratefully. He so wished he could ask this woman out.
“No worries,” she replied with a gorgeous smile. “I’ve closed up for the night so I’m off to bed now, really tired. The hubby’s already in bed, we take it in turns to lock up you know.”
“He should do it every night really,” Pete pointed out. “I know I would if you were my wife.”
The woman laughed, and Pete felt himself going bright red as he realised what he had just said.
“Aww thank you my love,” she said with that beautiful smile that Pete was now hooked on. “But I don’t mind staying up some nights; it gives me a bit of peace and quiet. I tend to do all the accounts when it’s my turn, as Rick’s hopeless at doing them...oh my name’s Dawn by the way...what’s yours?”
“Pete,” the bassist replied, still feeling sad that he could not have her.
Dawn smiled at him, “Well, Pete, it was nice talking to you, but I suppose we ought to get some sleep now. So…if I don’t see you in the morning, I wish you and your band the best of luck with your music, hope you’ll come back here again one day.”
Pete was touched by such lovely words, but he just wished they were not going to separate rooms...Pete scolded himself. He could not think this way about a married woman. He pulled himself out of his naughty thoughts and thanked her for her kind words, and for informing him that Dave was safe and in his bed asleep, and not lying in a gutter somewhere. Then they both said goodnight to each other and went off to bed. Although Pete was never to meet Dawn again, he never forgot her.
The bright sunlight shone through a crack in the curtains as Dave awoke the next morning, and the light dazzled him as he slowly opened his eyes. For a minute, Dave forgot where he was, but then that numb feeling was on him again as he remembered the events of last night, and what it was that had upset him so much.
As soon as he remembered beautiful Mick, fresh tears flowed from his eyes and onto his pillow. Dave curled up into a ball under the covers and sobbed. Since arriving back at the hotel alone last night, Dave had not had any company at all, and he never felt more alone than he felt now. He needed someone to comfort him, but there was no-one there. He could not talk to anyone about this, because not one person would understand.
Dave wrapped himself up to keep warm, wishing that he had someone there to hold him, to tell him that everything was going to be all right, but how could everything be all right when he had forbidden feelings that were not returned and if these feelings were found out, what would his fate be? He could not tell his brother, chances are Ray would just laugh and think he was joking, given Dave’s history with the opposite sex.
Ray doesn’t have a clue, Dave thought. He thinks he knows me but he has no idea of who I really am at all. Oh if only I could get Mick to love me, we could be there for each other, but oh no, fucking Mick has to go off with that fucking mancunian...then Dave said out loud through his sobs, “I'm gonna kill you Peter Noone, I’m gonna fucking kill you! Mick should be mine, he belongs with me!”
As Dave lay there under the blankets, still in a ball, he was planning in his head what he was going to do when he saw Mick again. There was no fucking way on God’s earth he was going to allow Mick to keep up a relationship with Peter. No, he was going to ruin whatever those two had between them; they did not belong together. Mick belonged with him, and now that Dave knew Mick was a homosexual, he was going to do everything in his power to make Mick see that the two of them were meant to be together.
The anger and hurt he felt inside of him made him think irrationally; it did not occur to Dave that Peter Noone might be someone who made Mick happy. Dave was not thinking straight with such a broken heart, and it was not sinking in that if he truly loved Mick, then the drummer’s happiness was all that should matter to him. No, Dave’s cruel side was winning, and as he lay in his bed alone, he was hatching an evil plan of what he was going to do. He was not going to let Peter Noone get away with it, that cunt was going to pay for sleeping with Mick.
Dave sat up in bed, and he decided to get a shower as he had slept in his clothes all night. He had been so tired and upset that he had not had the energy to change into his pyjamas. He went to the bathroom, and looked in the mirror. He was shocked by his appearance; his hair was a mess from when he had collapsed to the ground sobbing, his face was dirty, and as he looked at himself closely, he saw a leaf that had got stuck in his hair. Boy, he must have looked a fright to the woman who saw him when he returned to the hotel last night. No wonder she had looked so concerned and asked him if he was okay.
Dave got a shower, he was feeling so low that this was not an enjoyable experience and he just wanted to get into some fresh clothes as soon as he could. It took him longer because he needed to wash his hair, which ideally needed cutting.
When he was dressed and had made himself as presentable as he could, he decided to go and find the others. If he had not been feeling so lonely, chances are he would have climbed back into bed, but he had not seen anyone at all since he had cried himself to sleep the previous night; he wanted company.
Dave left his hotel room, and made his way downstairs in the hope of finding one of the others, he would even have been pleased to see his brother Ray, if that meant he was not on his own anymore.
Dave made his way to the hotel dining room, he could smell breakfast being cooked in the kitchen, which normally he would have been very eager to eat, but not today. In fact the smell of fried food was making him feel physically sick, but he just wanted to be in the company of others. As he walked into the dining room, as expected, he did not see Mick, but the others were there waiting for him. Grenville was the first to notice Dave coming in, the assisting manager greeted him with a weak smile, which made Dave think that Grenville was not feeling all that well.
“Good morning Dave,” Grenville said, trying to sound his usual cheerful self, but failing miserably. “We all stayed up pretty late last night celebrating, that’s why we are here nursing hangovers, and why there’s loads of coffee here this morning, I certainly need it...so where were you?”
Dave was expecting this question, so he answered, knowing it was not exactly a lie, “Oh...umm, well I came back because...well, I wasn’t feeling too good. Just wanted to get some sleep really.”
Dave slumped down at the end of the table, that was when Robert said something that did not surprise him at all, “We were a bit worried about you matey,” the manager said, pouring coffee into a mug and not looking at Dave. “When you disappeared, we didn’t know where you’d gone.”
“Well he’s not the only one who disappeared,” Grenville pointed out. “Mick left us and he’s still not here now, don’t even know if he came back to the hotel, or if he was with anyone.”
Dave felt sad all over again at these words; he knew that Mick was not in the hotel, and he knew who Mick had gone off with, but he was unable to say anything. His heart was physically aching and he felt that lump in his throat as he listened to his band mates and managers talking about Mick.
“Yeah that is strange,” Robert added. “Mick just left without saying where he was going, so I’m certainly going to be talking to him when he turns up. We’ve got to be moving on in a couple of hours, so he has to be back before then.”
“You don’t think he’s just left the band do you?” Ray suggested, half in jest. “Maybe he’s not coming back, I mean, for some reason he just doesn’t seem happy...Dave certainly hasn’t helped.”
Dave was hurting enough from what he had seen last night, and to hear his brother talking about him in his presence as if he was not there, (which Ray sometimes did) would normally have have made his temper flare up, and he would certainly have picked a fight with his brother in normal circumstances. However, Dave knew that if he spoke at all, he would not have been able to stop the flow of tears that were threatening to well up in his eyes. What he had seen last night was upsetting enough to think about. However, the thought of Mick leaving the band and the chance of never seeing Mick’s beautiful face again...did not bear thinking about.
Dave wanted Mick so much, but now he was uncertain if he could have him, even though he had told himself, that now he knew of Mick’s sexual preference, he was going to do everything he could to make Mick his, but he had to fight off Peter Noone first.
“He wouldn’t do that,” Pete said in response to Ray’s remark. “He’s not like that, he wouldn’t just leave without saying goodbye. Oh and Ray, don’t talk about Dave as if he’s not here; it’s bloody rude.”
“Ooh what’s up with you this morning?” Ray asked his friend.
“Nothing’s up with me,” Pete answered. “But you should know not to talk about people in their presence and you should know that Dave has been nicer to Mick of late, they are getting on fine.”
“Dave are you going to have any breakfast?” Grenville asked the teenager.
Dave did not feel he could eat anything because he was feeling so low, and he was still working out in his head how he was going to ruin Mick’s romance with Noone. Still, he felt he needed to eat something as it was no good travelling on an empty stomach, so he ordered toast and orange juice, as that was all he could face, given how he was feeling.
As Dave sat at the table struggling to finish his toast because of his lack of appetite, he had to listen to the others talking about Mick. What made things worse was, they started talking about how their drummer had become very friendly with Peter Noone; this made Dave feel even worse, if indeed it was at all possible for him to feel any worse than he actually was, but hearing about Noone made his blood boil, and thinking about his beautiful Mick being stolen from him by Peter was shattering his heart. He knew if he really wanted Mick, he seriously needed to make plans.
Dave’s deep thoughts were interrupted by Grenville saying, “Hey is that Mick out there?”
“It had better be,” Robert said in a threatening tone. “And he had better have a damn good reason for making us worry.”
“Hey, don’t forget he’s a grown man,” Grenville reasoned. “Hey listen, he sounds quite happy.”
There were indeed happy sounds coming from out in the hallway, sounds of whistling, then Mick made an appearance in the dining room. Dave’s heart skipped a beat when he saw the drummer. Dave also wanted to cry, as he knew the reason that Mick was so happy.
“Good morning guys,” Mick greeted them all cheerfully. “How are you all doing?”
“Where have you been all night?” Robert grumpily asked him.
“Yeah and what are you so happy about?” Ray asked, half amused by Mick’s cheerfulness first thing in the morning, and half surprised, as Mick was nearly always so melancholy in all the time Ray had known him.
“Yeah come on Mick,” Grenville chuckled. “Where have you been all night? You can’t get one over on us, we know you haven’t been in the hotel at all, you’ve only just got back. Have you met some special lady friend?”
Mick blushed at Grenville’s words, and Dave looked at the drummer, feeling desolate, and knowing the truth of what the drummer had been up to...or at least believed he knew.
“I don’t know what you mean,” the drummer said with a nervous laugh. “No I haven’t got a lady friend at all. If you must know where I’ve been, I stayed the night at my new friend’s flat.”
“Was it that Peter Noone?” Pete asked him. “Just wondered because you were seen talking to him.”
“Well yes, it was if you must know,” Mick replied. “Do you all have a problem with that?
Yes I have a problem, Dave thought. A really big fucking problem!
“Why on earth should we?” Robert muttered with a wave of his hand. “But you know, you don’t want people to start talking about you and him.”
“What on earth do you mean?” Mick exclaimed, looking flabbergasted at the manager’s remark. “Why should people start talking about us?”
“Oh, you know what I mean,” Robert snickered, Dave noticed the manager seemed to be enjoying making Mick feel uncomfortable. “Everyone knows what I mean.”
“Er...I think I get an idea of what you might mean Robert,” Grenville said. “But I don’t think you should go accusing Mick of something you can’t prove.”
Dave certainly knew what Robert meant, and he certainly knew it was true, but he knew he could not say anything. He needed to put on an act that he knew nothing, and he was still in two minds about what to do when he got Mick alone. Dave believed he knew what Mick had been up to the previous night, and the thought made him feel sick to his stomach. His evil side was telling him to use that to his advantage, he could confront Mick, tell the drummer he had spied him kissing Peter and blackmail him somehow. He knew deep down that doing this would not be a way to get Mick to love him, but what he saw last night had broken his heart. Dave’s good side was telling him to leave well enough alone and to mind his own business, and that he should be there for Mick and support him somehow. If he truly loved Mick, he should want the drummer to be happy, Dave listened in silence as the conversation between his companions continued.
“Excuse me, what exactly is it that I’m being accused of Grenville?” Mick asked, and Dave noticed the drummer seemed very calm. “I went to Peter’s flat because I needed a break from you all okay. I mean, no offence, but I was...I was getting overwhelmed by the whole fame thing and just wanted to escape for a little while. Peter was kind to me and he understood how I felt. I just wanted to be around someone friendly, who understands what it’s like to feel stressed out...I just wanted to get away from the demands of being in a band okay? Not that I should really have to explain anything to any of you. I’m a grown man, I’m not a kid who needs to be in bed by seven, and I won’t be told what to do when we’re not working.”
They were all speechless by Mick’s statement; the drummer had always seemed so shy and timid before, and normally let others push him around.
“Oh Mick, come and sit down and have some breakfast,” Grenville said, indicating to the empty chair. “Of course you don’t have to explain anything to us about what you get up to in your free time, but you could have told us where you were going so we didn’t get worried.”
“I’m sorry,” Mick apologised. “I shouldn’t have just disappeared like that, but I felt so overwhelmed I suppose...and no, I don’t want any breakfast thanks. I had some at Peter’s place.”
“Okay, well I for one am glad you haven’t left the band,” Ray laughed.
“Don’t be silly,” Mick said, laughing with Ray. “I wouldn’t leave the band, no way.”
“Glad to hear it,” Pete said.
“We’re all glad to hear it Mick,” Robert said in a raised voice, which sounded a little sarcastic. “Anyway, you’d best go and get your things together; we all have to be ready for moving on, we have other places to be in the next few days, then of course we’re back in London to do Ready, Steady, Go.”
Dave had still been unable to say very much at all since coming down to breakfast. In a way, he was pleased to see Mick, and relieved that he had not gone away forever, as at least that meant he could still be near him. He could not however, get rid of the image of Mick with Peter Noone. There was no-one at all he could talk to about these feelings, and as everyone was leaving the breakfast table to get ready for leaving, he suddenly wondered whether it was worth talking to Mick about where he had been.
Dave realised it was none of his business who Mick chose to spend his free time with, but he longed more than ever to be the most important person in Mick’s life. If there was any hope at all of that happening, then he had better start getting close to the drummer, and fast. He was feeling very lonely, and as Mick was the only person he dared open up to now, he wanted to talk to him. Dave decided he would be kind, and ask him innocently if he had enjoyed his time away from the band. He would do his utmost not to make himself sound imposing; he wanted to make friends with Mick once and for all. However, Dave hated Peter Noone, he hated his blonde hair, he hated that mancunian accent and he felt that he was completely wrong for Mick. Dave was furious about the whole thing, furious with himself for not sussing out Mick’s sexuality sooner, furious with himself for treating Mick like shit sometimes, simply because he was unable to handle his own feelings.
How could he ever make it up to Mick? Well, first things first, he was going to go to see Mick in his room and have a talk with him.
Dave made his way upstairs and approached Mick’s room, his heavy heart skipped a beat and his tummy was very fluttery with sheer nerves. He could see the room was open a crack, and he could hear the sound of gentle humming coming from that room too. Was Mick singing? He had a surprisingly lovely voice. Dave took a deep breath and lightly tapped on Mick’s door; he waited, then he heard Mick’s voice saying, “Who is it?”
This was where Dave froze; he did not know why he was feeling so afraid. What was there to be afraid of? This was Mick, Mick who was friendly, gentle and kind. Despite of the way Dave had treated him sometimes, Mick would welcome his presence. Mick did not bear grudges, so why was Dave feeling so nervous and trembling as Mick opened the door to see who it was that had knocked?
When Mick fully opened the door and saw it was Dave, he looked surprised, but smiled at him kindly. This made Dave feel a bit less afraid, and also how Mick seemed to Dave, to have become more beautiful overnight.
“Oh...hello Dave,” Mick said in his gentle voice. “What’s up?”
“Um...h...hello Mick,” Dave stuttered, his heart beating ever faster. “Um...do you think...er...can I come in for a minute?”
“Yes of course,” the drummer smiled.
Mick opened the door wider and indicated for Dave to come in. As Dave walked in, he noticed how Mick’s bed had not been slept in; this made him think more of how shattered his heart was, and how he could never believe it it would be mended, unless he could find a way to make Mick love him.
“I don’t even have any packing to do really,” Mick laughed. “We only stayed one night and...well I ended up staying somewhere else.”
Dave looked at Mick, trying his best not to cry or say anything silly, but whenever he was reminded of where Mick had been the previous night and what he may have been up to, his evil side kept threatening to rear it’s ugly head.
“So,” Dave began awkwardly. “Did you enjoy yourself last night?”
Mick smiled and nodded, “Yes I did, thank you Dave.”
“I was just...I know you’re...you’re probably going to get tired of hearing this,” Dave sighed. “But...I kind of...got worried you know, when you just went off and we had no idea where you were...I thought…” Dave trailed off, unsure of what he was going to say next.
“What did you think?” Mick asked, looking concerned.
“Well for a start,” Dave said, with a shaky voice that he was sure Mick would have noticed. “I’m sorry okay...for my behaviour...you know, when you were talking to that guy...Peter, then I started being a…”
Dave was not sure what word to use, so Mick suggested one for him, “Idiot?” The drummer shrugged, then laughed.
“Well yeah,” Dave agreed. “I suppose I was, but my point is, I thought it might have been because of me that you left, and even Ray said this morning that you might have just left the band for good because of...because of me.”
Dave looked away from the beautiful drummer as he tried to suppress a sob, he did not want Mick to see him crying, so he desperately tried to stop the tears flowing from his eyes but he was fighting a losing battle.
Because Dave had turned away from Mick, he could not see the look his band mate was giving him, but he listened to what Mick had to say, “Dave…I don’t...I don’t know where you got that idea from but...well I have to admit that you didn’t help yesterday. I’d made a new friend and you were rude to him.”
Dave could not look at Mick now, as the words, ‘you didn’t help yesterday’ and ‘I'd made a new friend’ stung him like a dagger, and he could not stop the tears and the sobs that wracked his body, he kept his head down and crossed his arms as if he thought that Mick would not notice. It was ridiculous, as of course Mick was going to notice, but what he was not expecting as he was sobbing so uncontrollably, were the arms that he felt holding him and pulling him into an embrace, nor did he expect the comforting words and the soothing voice that told him not to cry.
Dave could not believe he was crying and Mick was comforting him; he had treated Mick pretty badly from the moment they had met. He had made Mick cry before, this he knew, even though it was never proven, so why should Mick forget all about all those things and hold him in his arms to comfort him? Because Mick was good, good and kind and Dave had never seen that, not once in all these months. Mick was forgiving, he did not bear any hatred towards anyone.
For the next few minutes, Dave sobbed in Mick’s arms, not wanting to go anywhere else ever again. Yet from what he had seen last night, he could not have Mick, it seemed that Mick’s heart belonged to someone else, someone who possibly made Mick happy like he deserved. As Dave continued to cry, he looked into Mick’s beautiful, green eyes and said, still sobbing slightly, “Mick...I’m really really sorry, I didn’t mean it.”
“Oh if you’re talking about yesterday then forget it,” Mick said, gently. “Come on, sit down for a minute, and take this handkerchief, you don’t want the others to see you’ve been crying. I didn’t want anyone walking in while you were crying so I locked the door just to be on the safe side. Come on, sit down on the bed.”
Dave did as Mick asked, and sat on the bed.
“What’s brought this on?” Mick asked, putting his arm around a still sobbing Dave.
Dave found it hard to get the words out of his mouth, he had never been one for crying before, but Mick had this kind of effect on him, since the day he met him.
“I...I’m sorry,” Dave sobbed. “Leaning into Mick. “I...I don’t really know how to explain it.”
“It’s okay,” Mick soothed, rubbing Dave’s back. “I’m not into judging, you can talk to me about anything Dave.”
“C...can I?” Dave asked, looking into Mick’s eyes. “I don’t know if I want to talk about this because...I’ve just been so lost and confused...for so long.”
“I thought so,” Mick sighed. “I’ve often wondered what was wrong with you, as have the others if I’m honest, but you’ve never wanted to talk to anyone about whatever it is.”
Dave wiped his eyes with the clean handkerchief Mick had given him and tried to calm down, he wanted to tell Mick how he felt about him, but how could he? How would Mick react to such news when he had been with someone else all night?
“Is there anything I can do to help?” Mick asked. “Anything at all?”
“I...I’m...not sure,” Dave admitted. “It...it’s kind of complicated, because you see...I’ve had the same problem for a while now and I don’t think there’s any getting away from it now...I’m in too deep.”
“Dave what are you saying?” Mick asked, concerned. “Are you in some kind of trouble with the law or…”
“OH YOU’VE GOT NO IDEA!” Dave yelled suddenly, standing up and confronting Mick.
“About what Dave, what do you mean?” Mick asked, standing up and trying to get Dave to sit down again. “I want to help you but you don’t seem to be finding it easy to tell me whatever it is...I’m assuming that it’s something you don’t want any of the others to know.”
“Definitely not!” Dave said, shaking. “I never even thought I’d be able to tell you if I’m honest, but now I’m not so sure, after what I saw last…”
Dave stopped himself as he realised what he was about to say. He was unsure if it was a good idea to spill the beans about having seen Mick with Peter, but then again, although he did not want to be on bad terms with the drummer, he was still angry about the fact that Mick had been with that Peter Noone and he still could not get over that, no matter how hard he tried. So he could not resist saying what he said next, “So, let me ask you this Mick, what’s so special about him?”
“About who Dave?” Mick asked, looking like he genuinely had no idea of what his band mate was talking about, which angered Dave as he was sure Mick knew exactly what he meant.
“Don’t pretend you don’t know who and what I mean!” Dave said, feeling just as angry as he was heartbroken and lonely, in fact it sometimes scared him that his emotions changed so frequently, but the way he felt about Mick, how could he help it?
Mick sighed, “Well, perhaps you could tell me what you are talking about anyway Dave, just get to the point. You obviously think I know what you are accusing me of, but just supposing I don’t, just supposing. Do you think you could actually tell me what’s on your mind once and for all?”
“All right, Peter Noone!” Dave confirmed. “From what I saw last night, I assume that name means everything to you!”
Mick’s face turned deathly pale as he realised that Dave knew his secret, Dave could see the look of fear on the drummer’s face but his bad side was preventing him from caring at that point.
“W...what?” Mick managed to say, before he had to quickly sit down on the bed and he looked to Dave like he wanted to faint.
“Yes,” Dave whispered. “I saw you, I saw you in the park last night. You two were really getting to know each other weren’t you? I saw the two of you kissing and laughing together. So do you plan on seeing Peter again?”
Mick could not answer, he simply sat on the bed, looking into space and looking very pale, quite obvious to Dave that he was unsure of what to say. Dave put his hand on Mick’s shoulder and with the other hand, he took hold of Mick’s chin, and forced the drummer to look at him, and then Dave said what he had to say, “I know exactly what you and him were up to last night, I even heard you in the park and what were you saying? Something about ‘doing something illegal’? I knew exactly what you meant and I knew exactly what was going on between the two of you when I first saw you talking to one another yesterday. It was obvious by the way you were looking at him and the way you COMPLETELY ignored me when I came up to you both. You were looking into his eyes so lovingly weren’t you?”
Mick pushed Dave off him, stood up and walked towards the door, “Okay you’ve said enough,” he said, still shaking and pale. “What I do outside of the band is my business, no-one else’s, and it’s certainly nothing to do with you Dave. Now will you please get out of here so I can get my things ready to go.”
As Mick opened the door to try and make Dave leave, Dave shut it again and pushed Mick back, “Oh no, I’m not finished yet,” Dave said, determined to have his say. “You seem to forget that you’re in a band, this is the music business. Do you think people will buy our records if they know that our drummer is a…a queer?”
“D...Dave please,” now it was Mick’s turn to be distressed. “I...I haven’t done anything wrong really I haven’t. What have I ever done to you? I’ve tried to be nice to you ever since we met but you’ve pushed me away and shunned my friendship and I didn’t even know why. Why are you acting like this?”
“Oh I haven’t even started,” Dave hissed. His hurt, anger and jealousy had got the better of him again, and when he felt like this, it was as if he had no control over what he said and did, or who he hurt. “My brother and I have worked hard for a fair few years to get this far, and we are NOT going to let the likes of you ruin the band’s chances of success. So here’s what’s going to happen! You are going to carry on being our drummer, you are going to put a stop to whatever’s going on between you and that little blond-haired faggot, and you’re going to carry on as if we never had this conversation okay?!”
Mick looked completely stunned by Dave’s words and for a minute, seemed at a loss over what to do, but then he seemed to pluck up the courage to stand up to Dave, and replied, “What will you do if I refuse to do what you want?”
“You can’t refuse,” Dave said. “Because don’t forget that I know something you don’t want anyone else to know, and I can use that against you. I can spill the beans about what you were up to last night, I can say something any time I like, and when I do, you and your bum-boy could end up in court. You could even go to jail and you may never see him again, and even if you don’t go to jail, your career as a drummer will be over for sure, because who would want you in their band knowing what you are?”
Mick said nothing to Dave’s cruel words, and deep down Dave knew he was downright cruel and nasty. What had Mick ever done to him to deserve to be treated like this? Yet every time he thought of trying to be nice, thoughts of Peter Noone sent him over the edge and all he felt in his heart was anger and hatred and jealousy. He wanted to keep Mick under his thumb, he wanted to control Mick and make the drummer love no-one but him.
“Now get your things together, and come downstairs,” Dave said, feeling completely in control, but deep down shocked by his own behaviour. “We’re leaving soon, we have fans waiting, we can’t let them down.”
Dave walked out of the room, knowing that he had probably really upset Mick, but he could not let him continue to consort with Peter Noone. Now that he knew what he knew about Mick, he had plans to make, plans to make Mick love him. It was going to happen, and soon.
Notes:
I know it seems a bit weird that Dave keeps going from repentant to complete asshole, but it's because I actually have a plan for when they get together and a plan for more angst for Mick as well. Also I know I shouldn't whump poor Mick the way I do but he has to go through hell before he reaches his heaven and don't worry, some bad things will happen to the other Kinks too so it won't be just Mick who suffers, there will be heartbreak for Pete too at some point later on. On a lighter note, in the not too distant future, Ray is set to find love. No I am not including any of the band's real life women sorry, this story is totally AU, although I wish it wasn't.
Chapter 10
Summary:
Mick feels sad as he realises he has little time for the people he calls family.
Notes:
This chapter is slightly shorter than most of them, but I just thought it was perfect the way it was and so thought I would just keep this little chapter about Mick and bring Ready Steady Go into chapter 11.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Love me til the sun shines
Chapter 10
For the next few weeks, the Kinks were busy just about every day. For all that time, Mick suffered in silence. If he wanted to continue seeing Peter Noone, he had better tread carefully now that he knew Dave was on to him. Mick tried to avoid Dave if he could, but it was not easy since the younger Davies brother seemed to want to be around him all the time. It was as if Dave wanted to keep a close eye on Mick in case he put a foot out of line.
Mick knew that Dave had the upper hand on this one, since he knew that a relationship with another man would have it’s consequences if the wrong people were to find out. It seemed like there was nothing Mick could do but put up with Dave’s blackmailing and bullying.
Mick could not get over that morning when Dave had him in the hotel room, warning him not to see Peter anymore. He was also unable to get over being called a queer, a word he hated. However, he was not going to stop seeing someone he really liked; Dave could not watch him twenty-four seven, and he had promised to meet Peter in London very soon.
What Dave thought had happened between Mick and Peter that night in Manchester had not happened at all. Mick knew that it would have been no good to protest this when Dave accused him; Dave would not have believed him, and so Mick had simply not bothered to contradict his band mate.
What actually happened was Mick agreeing to go to Peter’s flat to stay the night, even though Mick had only just met the lad. It was true that Peter had actually propositioned Mick to take things further, and Mick had felt very tempted, because not only was Peter good looking, he just needed something to take his mind off all the stress of the band and their rise to fame.
Mick had talked with Peter well into the night, and the more Mick got to know him, the more he liked him, though the drummer was not entirely sure how he felt about him yet, and did not want to rush anything.
Another thing that had stopped Mick sleeping with the blond, was the discovery that Peter was in fact younger than Mick realised. Peter had admitted before they went to bed that he was not yet seventeen, he was still a boy and younger than Dave, who had turned seventeen earlier in the year. This had shocked Mick, who decided there and then that sleeping with Peter that night would be a bad idea. So in the end, the two slept in separate beds, though it was nice to wake up in Peter’s flat the following day. Peter had come in to see Mick that morning, and Mick could not help but think what a dreamboat he was.
Mick was now sitting at home in his room thinking about all that had happened in the past few weeks, and how his life had changed so much. Being in a band for this long, and the band actually achieving a number one hit was nothing short of a miracle. Mick however, was not happy because of the predicament he was in; if it weren’t for Peter promising to meet him as soon as Herman’s Hermits came to London, Mick was sure he would go out of his mind.
Mick had, for the past few weeks, slowly been sinking into a depression because of the loneliness he felt and the fact he had not seen his adopted brother Steve for such a long time, and he missed him so much.
When Mick came home for an hour, to his foster mum Rachel’s house in Manor Park, London, she had announced that Steve was indeed back home and had a job working in the J60 music bar, which was only a short walk away from the house. This really pleased Mick, but because Steve was so busy all the time, Mick had not seen the boy once. This was one of the many reasons Mick was so depressed, otherwise the drummer would have cheered up considerably. Even seeing Steve again for just a few minutes would have raised his spirits, before he had to go and be with the Kinks again to put up with Dave’s attitude.
Mick did not have much time to spend at home, in fact he had barely time for a flying visit before he had to meet up with the band again to perform on Ready Steady Go. He had come over briefly to visit Rachel and to say hello to the children that were currently living with her. These children adored Mick and it was hard for them not to, because he had gentle manners and a kind heart. He played games with them when he had time, not that he had any time now, as he needed to be out the door in half an hour. At Christmas however, Mick had made the day fun for them and none of them forgot this; for some of them, it had been the most fun day of their lives.
Like Mick, some of these children came from abusive homes, and Rachel’s place was heaven compared with what they had started out with. Mick knew how they felt, since his own childhood was pretty much a loveless one up until the age of thirteen. Mick always got the shivers when he remembered the reason he ran away from home, and even now, he still suffered from severe nightmares.
Mick shook himself out of his thoughts as he heard the sound of voices downstairs; he listened, one of the voices sounded familiar. He got up from where he was sitting on the bed and made his way out of the bedroom; could it be Steve?
Mick’s heart gave a leap of excitement as he made his way down the stairs to see exactly who was talking and laughing in the hallway. Yes it was, it was Steve who he had not seen since Christmas and it was nearly September now. The happiness Mick felt at seeing the boy he called his brother was so great, that he hardly noticed the other young man Steve had with him. Rachel was also with them and this new guy was shaking hands with her, then Steve looked up and saw Mick, who smiled when he saw Steve’s face light up with joy.
“Mick,” Steve said excitedly. “I never knew you were coming over.”
“Thought I’d surprise you all,” Mick smiled happily. “I was hoping I would see you before I have to go out again.”
“What...when do you have to go out?” Steve asked, looking disappointed. “Mick, I’ve not seen you in ages and you’re telling me you’re leaving?”
Mick walked over to his brother and pulled him into a hug, Rachel and Steve’s friend watched as the two shared a brief reunion.
When Mick pulled away from the hug, he looked at his beloved foster brother and smiled, “Wow, you’re looking so well,” he said, as he felt tears stinging the corners of his eyes. “I’ve missed you Steve, I really have.”
“I’ve missed you too Mick,” Steve murmured, and he hugged Mick again.
Then Mick looked at the young man Steve had brought home; he was about the same height as Steve, which was not very tall, and he had dark hair and a friendly face. He looked to Mick as though he could be a little rough around the edges too, though he could not be sure. Mick smiled at him, said hello and asked Steve, “Who’s your friend?”
“Oh...of course, this is Ronnie,” Steve replied. “We met just today actually while I was working; we found we had a lot in common.”
Ronnie held out his hand to Mick, and they shook hands, “Nice to meet you Mick,” Ronnie said with a friendly smile. “Steve’s told me all about you; he’s very proud of you.”
“Aww,” Mick blushed at Ronnie’s words, “And I’m proud of him too.”
“How about I make you all a cup of tea?” Rachel said, she had not said anything since Mick had come downstairs; she had been too busy feeling moved by the reunion between the two young men, who she called her boys.
“Aww that would be lovely, thanks Rach,” Ronnie said, shocking Mick very much at the way he not only called her by her first name, but had the nerve to shorten it too. Rachel corrected him immediately.
“That’s Mrs Cadywood to you young man,” Rachel said, looking at him sternly but quite kindly. The whole thing made Steve laugh, and Ronnie blushed, apologising immediately.
Rachel accepted Ronnie’s apology, “That’s quite all right, do you take milk and sugar?”
“Er...yes please,” Ronnie answered, still obviously feeling a bit silly, especially with Steve laughing, and now Mick was finding it hard not to giggle. “I...I have milk and two sugars please.”
“Very well,” Rachel smiled as she saw Mick and Steve were laughing a lot now and had their arms around each other. “And are you two having one?”
Mick’s heart sank as he looked at the clock and really wished he could have more time with Steve, “Oh...I wish I could Rachel,” Mick said, feeling very sad. “But...if you remember I have to get going; I have to be in Kingsway soon.”
“Oh do you have to go Mick?” Steve asked, making Mick’s heart break inside. “I haven’t seen you in such a long time, and we hardly see each other at all, especially now you’re in a band that’s rising to fame.”
“I’m sorry Steve, really I am but I can’t let the band down,” Mick said, sadly. “They’re counting on me to be there; we’re doing Ready Steady Go.”
“Oh that’s really cool Mick,” Ronnie said, excitedly. “We’ll be watching you on Friday night, and guess what, one day soon, I’ve promised Steve me and him are going to be on that show one day in the future.”
“Oh really?” Mick asked, looking at Steve curiously.
“Well, we’ve only just met,” Steve admitted. “But already we’ve been talking about starting a band. We got talking today when Ronnie came in with his dad. Ronnie plays bass guitar and he came to Manor Park today to buy a new one.”
“Yeah, and Steve’s brought me here to listen to some of his records,” Ronnie said. “And I want to see the guitars he’s got, I’m going to introduce him to a couple of friends of mine, Kenney and Jimmy.”
“That’s great,” Mick said, then looked at his watch and seeing the time, he knew he had to get going soon, he sighed sadly. “I need to get my skates on now, but it was nice to meet you Ronnie, hope you and Steve have fun this evening.”
“It’s a shame you can’t stick around,” Ronnie said. “It would have been nice to get to know one of the Kinks.”
“Ah well there’ll be plenty of time for that,” Mick said, still feeling very sad that he had no time to spend with just Steve.
Mick did indeed feel sad as he got ready to drive to Kingsway, where he had to meet the band to film their performance on Ready Steady Go. He had said a quick goodbye to the children who were playing upstairs, kissed Rachel goodbye and did not really want to stay around for much longer, because he knew he would start to cry if he did. So while he thought Steve and his new friend Ronnie were busy listening to music, he put on his jacket and, with a heavy heart, headed out to where his car was parked just down the road.
Mick remembered the very day he had first come to this house as a very frightened and traumatised thirteen year old, and he remembered that day as though it was yesterday. He had run away from home after he could no longer stand to live in the house with the man who had taken away his innocence. He had run out of the house the minute he could get away, and had never stopped running until he had finally collapsed with sheer exhaustion.
As Mick walked down the steps of Rachel’s house, he thanked God for having delivered him safely to that place that fateful day, when he thought his life was well and truly over. However, from that day on, his life had truly begun and although the trauma he went through would stay with him all his life, he had finally found what he needed, love and the companionship of someone very special.
Mick could not have loved Steve any more if he had been his real brother, so much so, that the day before Mick left home a few years ago to go to college, he and Steve did something to prove to each other that no matter how far apart they were, and no matter how long it was before they saw each other again, they would always be close and always there for each other. So they had done a blood bonding ceremony in the tree house in Rachel’s back garden, and no-one ever found out about this. Mick looked at the scar on his right hand from where Steve had made a small cut with a scout’s knife right after the younger boy had done the same thing to his own hand, they had then put their bleeding hands together so that their blood would mix and become one.
Mick smiled as he remembered it being quite painful, but the meaning of it to Mick was so special. Whenever he missed Steve, he would always look at the scar on his hand to remind himself that at least one person out there loved him. Mick always hoped that Steve was doing the same thing every now and again. Just as Mick was wondering this, he heard the sound of a door opening and a voice saying his name. Mick turned around and saw Steve coming down the steps, he did not know whether to be glad about this or upset, because he always hated it when they had to say goodbye to one another. Mick smiled as his adopted brother approached him, “Oh Steve,” he said, unsure of what else to say. “Shouldn’t you be entertaining your new friend?”
“Probably,” Steve sighed. “But I wanted to have a quick word with you before you left.”
“Okay,” Mick said, as he watched Steve light up a cigarette. “Er...I haven’t got long though.”
Steve took a drag and exhaled, before saying, “Yeah I know Mick, but I sometimes feel sad that things are not the same anymore you know...like, remember when you and I used to do everything together...and get up to mischief together.”
“You were quite a bad influence on me,” Mick laughed. “But I don’t regret a minute of it.”
“I’m scared Mick,” Steve said, in a sad voice. “I’m scared you’re gonna forget me as your band becomes famous, and you’re not even going to want to know me one day.”
“Oh my...Steve,” Mick was shocked and upset by his brother’s words. “How could you even think for one minute that that could ever happen, I love you, you idiot.”
“I love you too Mick,” Steve said, before putting his cigarette to his mouth again and watching the smoke that came out disappear in a haze. “But...we hardly see each other and…”
“But don’t you remember the promise we made to each other?” Mick asked him. “What we did a few years ago? We blood adopted each other didn’t we? It means we have an unbreakable bond and nothing can come between us, not even distance.”
Mick took Steve’s right hand and looked at the scar just like his own, then he showed Steve the scar on his own right hand, “Steve, this is sometimes all that keeps me going every time I’m feeling down, and when I’m missing you I always look at the scar to remind myself that I have to keep going because I want to see you again. I hope to God you do the same thing and feel the same way, and know that there isn’t a chance in hell you and I can have anything come between us, not fame, not money, or even girls...well, in my case certainly not girls, though I don’t know about you.”
“You bet your life on it I do the same thing,” Steve said. “Mick I’ve missed you like crazy...you’re by far the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Sure, I love my sister...well, our sister Julie, and she was always there to look after me when our mum was...well incapable of looking after us but having you around was...well, different. There was something about you I liked straight away, even though for the first few days you wouldn’t say a word...but then after what you had been through…”
Mick did not wish for this to become a discussion about his past, he wanted to keep things on a happy note if he was to talk to Steve before he left, so he interrupted his brother, “Yes, I know,” he said, and putting his hands around his brother’s face, he added, “But you were my tower of strength during that horrible time, you helped me get through it simply by being there and you were not even aware of what happened to me at the time. I almost thought of you as a...a guardian angel in a way. You were kind to me and you made me see that life could be good, and you were so much fun to be around too. We can be like that again, we will see each other again I promise. One day, you and me will live together again, when we have enough money and can buy our own place.”
“Wow, I would love that,” Steve said. “I can just picture it, you and me all day, just jamming together, just like we used to. Maybe one day you and I can have our own band...you know...maybe if your band, the Kinks doesn’t work out.”
Mick smiled at the thought, “Well, never say never,” he said. “But for now, well...let’s just say the Kinks are calling me. I have to go, but never doubt how much I love you brother, always my brother.”
The two then shared one last hug, and because Mick would not arrive back home until very late, and Steve would be in bed and out the following day, it would be quite a while before the two would meet again. The Kinks were to keep Mick busy at all times for the rest of the year, and so it would be very rare that he even visited home at all, though he still would keep in touch will Rachel and call her when he could.
As Steve held his beloved brother for the last time in a while, he was unaware of what fate lay in store for him. Steve had no idea whatsoever that his new friend Ronnie was to become his band mate and together, the two would find fame the following year.
Notes:
Thanks to all who have been reading and all feedback is very much appreciated.
Chapter 11
Summary:
Pete looks set to find love.
Notes:
Thank you all you guys who have been reading my story so far and I appreciate your comments and kudos. I know some of you must be wondering when my OTP will get together and they were supposed to be together before Ray and Pete get themselves girlfriends, however, I decided to first write the chapter where Pete meets Cathy McGowan for the first time (no, they are only dating in my story they didn't really), simply because it fits in with the story better, however in this chapter I am going to make it about Cathy and how she ends up getting a date with Pete, I have promised myself they won't be an item until Mick and Dave are first.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Love me til the sun shines
Chapter 11
The television programme Ready Steady Go had begun over a year ago, and was now considered one of the most popular music programmes there was. Even though it was produced without scenery or costumes, and also a minimum of choreography and make up, that did not matter. The stars that featured on the show and the music more than made up for it.
One of its presenters, Cathy McGowan, who was new to the show, was just thinking to herself as she waited around for filming to start, Who needs scenery and costumes and silly things like that when there are so many dishy guys to check out?
Cathy had recently landed a job on this show and certainly had not been expecting it. Prior to this, the young woman, who had recently turned twenty-one, had worked as a secretary for just £10 a week, then later got herself a job in the fashion department of Woman’s own magazine. She certainly never expected to make her name on television.
It had all happened rather quickly, and Cathy did not even think herself television material, as she simply felt she was ‘not serious enough’ to appear on television or talk to music stars. However she had been told by its producers that they did not want someone who spoke in a condescending way to the stars featured on the programme; they liked her because young people could relate to her.
Cathy was as much a fan of these bands as the young viewers who watched the show and she was not afraid to show it. She was fun, she was in with the times and for that she was popular.
Cathy loved her job, and was grateful for the opportunity she had been given and the friends she had made. Not only that, she had more money to spend on clothes in Carnaby Street, the favourite place of many young people, but one thing was missing in her life, a boyfriend.
Cathy had not dated in quite a while, and although she put on a happy front, and gave off the impression she had no care in the world, she wanted a new man in her life so much. She had decided not very long ago that she was going to try and get to know the men who appeared on the programme and make one of them hers. There were so many lovely young men though, she just could not decide which one to approach first, but then she remembered, she should let them approach her .
Cathy sighed as she sat on a box that had been left around; there were cameras all around and very soon, the small studio at Rediffusion headquarters was soon going to be filled with young people who would be there to see their favourite bands and singers. Just which one of these male stars that featured was going to be her new boyfriend?
Just then a voice interrupted her thoughts, “Hey Cathy, what are you doing hanging round here? You look so lost in thought.”
Cathy looked up and brushed her long, dark hair out of her eyes to see who was there; it was Michael Aldred, one of her co-presenters who had been recruited at the same time as herself. He was a little younger than she was, and always made her laugh when they were backstage. Michael was handsome with dark hair, but he was not her type, he was too much like a school boy for her but she liked him as a friend; he was fun.
Cathy smiled as Michael sat down on the box next to her, “Hey these boxes are surprisingly comfortable aren’t they?”
“Yes, they are,” Cathy laughed. “I find sitting here helps me think.”
“Think about what?” Michael asked, looking intrigued already.
“About who my new boyfriend’s going to be,” she replied, blushing slightly.
“Oh really?” Michael laughed, just as Cathy expected. “Have you got anyone in mind?”
“No I haven’t,” Cathy sighed a little sadly. “That’s just it, there are so many lovely guys I’ve interviewed in the past few weeks, so many of them I liked, but too many of them were already taken. Why are all the nice ones taken Michael?”
Cathy sighed again, and Michael once again laughed, but answered her quite kindly, “Oh Cathy, you’ve plenty of time, don’t forget you haven’t presented this show long, neither of us have. There’s bound to be a guy come along one day who’s single and right for you; don’t stress.”
“Oh I’m not stressing,” Cathy laughed. “Well...trying not to anyway but, oh I don’t know, I try to enjoy life and I love it here I really do but…”
“You want to get married and have babies, yes I completely understand, it’s only natural…” Michael began.
“No...no I don’t!” Cathy said quickly. “I have my career to think about yet, I don’t want to have children yet. I just want a boyfriend!”
“Oh...bless you,” Michael said and pulled his co-presenter into a hug. “You sound so desperate.”
“Oh gosh I am,” Cathy said, leaning her head on the younger man. “I’m just trying not to show it. Oh why can’t a guy from one of these bands just approach me, flirt with me a little and ask me out on a date? None of them do.”
“Well maybe you should take matters into your own hands then hun,” Michael suggested. “Don’t wait around to be asked out, go up to a guy who takes your fancy and strike up a conversation with him, I mean, what’s the worst that can happen?”
“Oh plenty of bad things can happen, trust me!” Cathy said, rolling her eyes at the absurdity of such a suggestion by her co-presenter. “For a start they could laugh at me, they may be put off by how forward I am, my mother always said the man should ask the woman out, not the other way round.”
Not for the first time during their conversation, Michael laughed at her, “Oh who cares what your mother says? If you like a guy, say hello and strike up a conversation, otherwise you may regret it forever.”
Cathy did not like the sound of these words, “Regret it forever?” She asked, eyes widening with worry.
“Yeah,” Michael pointed out. “I mean if you think about it, you may see a bloke who you think is lovely. He could be too shy to talk to you, and he could be single and looking for love too. He may really like you and so want to talk to you, but is so afraid of being rejected that he just won’t. So what do you do? You go up to him and talk to him instead, take matters into your own hands. Oh if only more women did this, I’m sure the world would be a happier place. There are some men who hate the responsibility of asking a woman out, I bet some guys would love to be asked out instead, to save him the bother of...well you know how it is. I mean, like you said, you’re scared of being laughed at, but how do you know unless you try? Could be the best thing you ever did!”
Cathy thought for a few seconds at the younger man’s words of wisdom, she could see his point, “Y...yes,” she agreed. “Yes you could be onto something there Michael.”
“Well of course I am,” Michael insisted. “And also, I bet there have been loads of guys coming on this show who have wanted so badly to ask you out, but have felt intimidated by the fact you're a presenter; they could have been scared of being laughed at, scared you might think it’s inappropriate and unprofessional of you...you know, going out with them, you need to make them see that you’re not out of their league and that you are a girl just like everyone else.”
Cathy considered the words of her friend and co-presenter very carefully, and realised he was right; there was really no reason to wait around for a man to ask her out. Yes, her mother had told her differently and yes, she valued her mother’s opinion, but she herself was an adult now, capable of making her own decisions and making up her own mind.
Next time Cathy saw a dishy young man she really liked, she was going to go up to him and talk to him, even at the risk of him knocking her back and laughing in her face, she could not give up without trying. She could take matters into her own hands or forever be alone.
“You are right Michael,” she said gratefully. ”Thanks for the advice, I am going to take that into consideration. Anyway, we had best get a move on hadn’t we? We’ve a show to present, and my new boyfriend could be here tonight.”
“What’s this about new boyfriends?” A new person had turned up to join them.
It was Ready Steady Go’s oldest presenter, Keith Fordyce who had just spoken. Keith had been on the show since it began, he was a fair bit older than the other two, a good twenty years older than Cathy, but they all got on really well and they always had a laugh together backstage.
“Oh hello Keith,” Cathy said, having cheered up considerably since talking to Michael. “We were talking about who my new boyfriend’s going to be, how he could be here tonight.”
“Oh yes?” The older man said with a wink. “I know you’re always eyeing up the fellas in these pop groups Cathy, but you never do a thing about it, are you telling me that’s going to change?”
“It certainly is,” Cathy said, feeling more confident. “I am going to get myself a boyfriend soon, possibly tonight if I’m lucky. Michael just gave me a push in the right direction just now, I realised where I was going wrong.”
“Yes I think I know,” Keith chuckled. “You’ve just been lurking around, checking out these fellas who come on the show to perform, waiting and hoping one of them will ask you out, but even the ones who are single are too intimidated by you because they think a presenter isn’t going to want them.”
“Well what do they think I want then?” Cathy exclaimed with exasperation. “Do they think I want some aristocrat, or the bloody Prince of Wales? Well they’re wrong, I’m looking to find myself a gorgeous guitarist...or I dunno, a drummer might be okay...perhaps one of the Beatles is too much to expect but…”
“Well you know the Kinks are on tonight,” Keith suggested. “How about one of them?”
“Oh that’s a thought,” Michael said excitedly. “They got to number one recently, they’re doing that song of theirs, oh what’s it called now...You really got me, can’t wait to hear that again, it’s so catchy.”
“Mmm, yeah, that’s a thought,” Cathy smiled. “Haven’t met them yet, only seen them in pictures but they are quite cute, all of them...actually now you come to mention it, there is one that caught my eye when I looked at a poster of them that this girl showed me yesterday. She told me all their names but I don’t remember them now...two of them are brothers.”
“The Davies brothers yes,” Keith confirmed. “They started playing together a few years ago, but there are rumours that they don’t get on, are always fighting.”
“Yes I heard that too,” Michael agreed.
“Well how can they possibly work together if they don’t get on?” Cathy wondered.
“Well I don’t know for sure,” Keith shrugged. “And it’s only a rumour of course, you can’t always listen to hearsay.”
“Well they sound interesting anyway,” Cathy said, smiling. “I will certainly be checking the two brothers out.”
“Don’t forget there are two other members you know,” Michael reminded her. “Several girls today have told me how excited they are to see the drummer, Mick.”
“Why would they be so excited about a drummer?” Cathy asked in disbelief.
“Well I know a drummer is just there mainly to play the drums, obviously,” Michael said. “But I spoke to some girls earlier and they were saying what a dreamboat this drummer is, he’s called Mick Avory and apparently, he played with the Rolling Stones for a short time.”
Cathy felt annoyed about this; she had met the Rolling Stones and their current line up a fair few times now and had become quite friendly with them. They had always been open to her about past members and what they had got up to before they were famous, but on hearing they had left out Mick Avory, Cathy was not happy. She thought she knew everything there was to know about the Rolling Stones and she almost felt betrayed by this band for keeping information about a past member from her.
“WHAT!” Cathy almost shouted. “I never knew that, they never told me he was in their group! Why?”
“Does it matter?” Keith shrugged.
“Of course it does!” Cathy hissed. “Oh I will be having words with Mick Jagger next time I see him, about why he failed to tell me that…”
“They don’t talk about him!” Michael interrupted Cathy’s rant. “They apparently got rid of him because he was too sweet for the band...either that or they were just looking for an excuse to get rid of him because they were jealous of his looks...I don’t know.”
“That’s ridiculous,” Cathy said, shaking her head. “I have seen Mick Avory in a photo actually, he’s not bad but...well, I don’t really see what all the fuss is about, doesn’t do anything that much for me but...well one of the Davies brothers sounds perfect!”
“Not forgetting their bass player, Pete,” Michael inserted. “He may be worth checking out.”
“Yeah...maybe,” Cathy said doubtfully. “We’ll see.”
The Ready Steady Go studio soon filled up with young people, who were desperate to see their favourite acts perform. That night, the Kinks were the highlight of the evening’s performances, probably because they were a new band and they still had the number one spot.
Yet Cathy was secretly disappointed that she would not be interviewing them, because this time, Michael had been chosen to do the honours and speak to the band. So for that reason, she made up her mind she would try and get them backstage if she could.
During one of her breaks, the Kinks had just performed their song and Cathy watched Michael as he spoke to the boys about their music, getting to number one and about their seemingly overnight success. She watched from behind a curtain where no-one could see her. She heard one of them, who said his name was Ray, tell Michael about how they used to be called the Ravens, but how after a time, they decided they did not like the name. As they could not think of anything better, they had settled on the Kinks as had been suggested by the record producer Shel Talmy.
Cathy was just close enough to see the boys properly and what they looked like in the flesh; she was not disappointed. They looked even more attractive than in the photo she had seen, and in colour their features obviously showed up even better.
She looked at the two brothers, Ray and Dave, and she decided out of the both of them, Dave was the most striking.
He has a much cuter face, she thought. I will go for him I think; he’s lovely. I am sure Ray is lovely too, but as far as looks go, poor Ray can’t be compared with his younger brother. I wonder if that’s why Ray doesn’t like him and they always fight.
That was how Cathy decided there and then, that she would try and talk to Dave when she had a chance.
For the rest of the filming, Cathy interacted with the other stars who were performing on the show, she interviewed other potential ‘boyfriends’ but this time, she had made up her mind it had to be Dave Davies she was going to go for. She could not stop thinking about the youngest of the Kinks and she even had a few naughty thoughts about him and what they might get up to on their first date.
Cathy always enjoyed filming Ready Steady Go, it had certainly been her big break and something she never even thought of doing as a child, and most of the time it was the highlight of her week and she did not want it to end. This time however, she could not wait to film the final part and have the whole thing end so that she could go and talk to Dave, if indeed that was possible.
Finally, the show for the week had been filmed and would be aired as usual on Friday. Cathy and her two co-presenters were satisfied that it had all gone according to plan and they would be happy with what the public would see when Ready Steady Go was shown on television.
When Cathy had finished pretending she had no care in the world, she decided she would go and find the one she hoped would be her new boyfriend, Dave Davies. Cathy wondered if that was his real name; surely no parent in their right mind would name their son Dave if the surname was Davies, then she thought that Dave was short for David so...no, David Davies sounded even worse!
Still, what’s in a name? She thought. Dave is gorgeous and that’s all that matters, so let’s go and see if we can find him.
As all the guests from the audience were clearing out of the studio, Cathy hugged a few of them and waved them off, and after signing a few autographs, wished them a safe journey home. Of course she would rather be looking backstage for Dave, but she still had to put on this lovable front of someone who cared about the young people who came in to see their favourite acts. These young people must have all thought that she was such a sweet young woman, but really she wanted them all to fuck off out so that she could seek out her soon to be new boyfriend who was waiting backstage.
Cathy could not wait any longer and did not want to be signing any more autographs either, if she hung around any more, the Kinks could well have left by the time she got away from all her fans. So making her excuses, telling the youngsters she was wanted elsewhere, Cathy hurried to the other side of Rediffusion Studios, where hopefully some of the stars were still knocking about, especially the Kinks. She was not disappointed.
Among the few stars who had not yet gone home, she could see the young man she wanted to date, Dave, talking with her co-presenter, Keith. Well, that was annoying as she wanted Dave all to herself, so how could she get Dave alone? Well, it would not hurt to go up and talk to him anyway whether Keith was hogging him or not, it would be a start, but what could she say to Dave with someone else there as well? That part would be tricky, maybe she should wait until Keith had finished talking to him. She thought about what she would say to Dave, start by saying hello and how she was sorry she did not get to talk to him sooner.
Cathy looked in a mirror that was very conveniently nearby, just to make sure she still looked decent; yes, her make-up looked acceptable and her hair was fine, she supposed.
She then began rehearsing everything she was going to say to Dave; it never even dawned on her that she may not even like him when she spoke to him. All Cathy was thinking about was how good looking he was and how she could not wait until they were dating.
She tried not to stare at Dave so much, but she was fancying him more with each passing minute and she even imagined herself and Dave in a passionate embrace, and she was even silly enough to think how they would get to the stage where he would ask her to marry him.
Just as Cathy was taking in a deep breath and was about to do the most stupid thing possible and approach Dave, she was interrupted by someone beside her, who said, “Hello there Cathy.”
Cathy turned to the man who had spoken, it was a young man who she thought she could recognise but could not think where from. He had sandy brown hair and light blue eyes, and the way he smiled at her distracted her thoughts of Dave.
“Oh...er, hello,” she replied, liking this young man already, even though she did not know him, but he had a kind face and was not bad looking at all.
“Nice to meet you,” the young man said. “Er..you do know who I am don’t you?”
“I...I think so but…” she began, her brain was just not working this evening; she had been too busy focusing on Dave, but then this young man was diverting her attention, then she remembered, he must have appeared on the show that evening. “You’re in one of the bands…”
“Yeah the Kinks,” the young man replied with a smile. “But we didn’t get to talk to you; I was kind of a bit disappointed.”
Then Cathy realised who this man was, of course, “Are you Pete?” She asked.
“Yes I am,” he answered, shaking her hand. “Pete Quaife in the flesh, it’s nice to meet you.”
“And...and you too,” Cathy said, blushing and feeling a little strange inside, it was a feeling she had never had before but it was quite a nice feeling, she was thinking about Dave less and less as she looked into this man’s eyes.
“I er...I don’t want to...disrupt your plans or anything,” Pete said. “I know you must be really busy and everything but…”
“Actually I want to ask you about one of your band members, Dave,” Cathy said, not really wanting to talk about Dave at all, but she suddenly felt very awkward, and had no idea how to make a conversation with Pete. “I...I suppose he’s got a girlfriend?”
The look Pete had on his face after she said these words made Cathy feel very bad, he looked a little hurt, but he answered her question, “Er...no, no he hasn’t, but...you don’t want Dave do you? He is only a boy of seventeen.”
“Really?” Cathy gasped in shock, how could she not have realised that Dave was so young?
“Yes he’s the youngest of our group and, if you don’t mind me saying so...he’s a brat!” Pete said the last three words in a whisper, as though he really should not be saying them.
“Why is he a brat?” Cathy asked.
“Er...how long have you got?” Pete asked, rolling his eyes.
“I don’t know,” Cathy answered, suddenly feeling like she could talk to him all evening. “Probably all night if you want to tell me about him...hey, is it true he doesn’t get on with his brother?”
“Very true,” Pete said with a nod. “The times we’ve had to come between them, God I‘ve lost count.”
“Must make it very hard for you to work with them,” Cathy said.
“It can do yes,” Pete agreed. “I love Ray, he’s my best friend ever, but I wish he would control his temper and stop flaring up every time Dave’s getting on his nerves. He should realise by now that Dave’s not worth all this aggro, Dave’s still growing up really.”
“Well I’m amazed,” Cathy murmured, half to herself. “And to think I was going to ask him out.”
“REALLY?” Pete said in disbelief. “
“Yes really,” she replied. “I mean...yes I know what you’re thinking...it’s wrong!”
“What is?” Pete asked. “You going out with a younger man?”
“I’m only three years older than Dave,” Cathy shrugged. “But no, that’s not what I was thinking of...I mean, for me to ask him out, you know...instead of me waiting for him?”
“Why is that wrong?” Pete asked her.
“Well...I don’t know,” Cathy said, with a thoughtful expression. “I was having a conversation with one of my co-presenters, about how my mum told me always to wait for a man to ask me...and...well, so that’s what I always did because of what she said...but then I waited and no man ever did so I thought...perhaps it’s me...maybe I’m not pretty enough, otherwise some guy would have done by now but...well he seemed to think that I might be off-putting.”
“Why?” Pete asked. “What’s off-putting about you? You’re lovely.”
Cathy felt herself blushing at these words, “Me...lovely?” She laughed.
“Yeah...you are,” Pete said. “Like I said before, I was disappointed that you didn’t get to speak to us on the show tonight.”
“Well...thank you but I can’t really imagine why,” Cathy giggled. “According to Michael and Keith, I’ve been doing everything wrong; I’ve just been waiting around hoping a dishy young man might come up and talk to me instead of taking matters into my own hands and going up and talking to him myself...so tonight I thought i would try for Dave...but then…”
Cathy trailed off as she did not know what else to say, the main reason for that was, she had very quickly started to like Pete instead, but Pete seemed to think otherwise.
“He’s too young for you,” Pete advised with a wink and a cheeky smile. “Any you’re too pretty to ever get your heart broken by Dave, because believe me, I don’t like to speak badly about anyone but...well, Dave may well break your heart.”
“Really?” Cathy said, giving Pete a curious look. “How do you know he will?”
“Oh...trust me, I’ve known Dave long enough to know,” Pete answered with a despairing sigh. “Ask his brother Ray if you don’t believe me, he’s broken a few girls’ hearts in his time.”
“I see,” Cathy said, feeling thoughtful, perhaps Dave was not the one for her after all, then she thought, maybe she should consider the man talking to her now, so she changed the subject completely and asked Pete, “So...er, do you and the Kinks have any plans for later...I mean what are you up to after you leave here?”
“Well I think our manager Robert mentioned something about going to one of the nearby pubs,” Pete said, looking to Cathy as though he was not keen on the idea. “I don’t really mind going for a drink with Grenville and the boys but...and I know this sounds bad, but there’s only so much of Robert’s company I can stand for one day and right now, I’ve had my fill.”
“Is he not a very nice person?” Cathy queried.
“No...he’s all right but...he always seems to have plans for us,” Pete explained. “Like, whenever he wants to take us out anywhere, he makes sure it’s the sleaziest place possible, and I just know he wants us to be seen in a place like that just to give off this ‘image’ of how he wants us to be...oh I’m not explaining myself very well at all but...my point is, I’m not looking forward to where he is planning to take us tonight!”
“Mmm interesting,” Cathy grinned. “Sooo...where would you rather go?”
“Home!” Pete grumbled. “Or maybe…” He looked at her with a hopeful look.
“Maybe what?” Cathy asked in a sweet tone.
“Perhaps...there’s a chance that you want to go somewhere?”
Yes! Cathy thought. Someone has finally asked me out!
Then Pete blushed a little, because Cathy had been so shocked and at the same time delighted at being asked out by such a lovely young man that she was unable to speak for a few seconds, which made Pete come out with, “Oh no...sorry that was silly, of course you don’t! Oh God, why one earth would you?”
“N..no, no I do!” Cathy said quickly, getting over the surprise. “No...I...I would love to, yes, let’s do it!”
“Really?” Pete said, smiling and looking delighted, and Cathy looked into his eyes and could not help but think to herself how handsome he was, and how pleasant he seemed.
“Yes,” she said. “You...you want to go somewhere now? I’ve got no plans.”
“Yes,” Pete agreed. “Let’s get out of here before Robert asks me where I’m going, I’m just going to tell Ray I’m going somewhere else tonight, not where Robert wants us to go, wherever it is, I am sure I won’t want to be there.”
So that was how Cathy McGowan found herself a boyfriend that year. Pete took Cathy out for a walk around Kingsway and that evening, the more she got to know him, the more she liked him.
When Robert learned that Pete had gone out on a date with none other than Cathy McGowan, he started grumbling about how Pete could have better, but also said Cathy would ‘do for now’.
Ray shook his head at the band manager’s remarks, he hated the way Robert sometimes behaved as if he could tell them who they could and couldn’t see, and what sort of girl would be right for them all. Ray complained to Grenville, who told him to take no notice of Robert, it was just his way.
“Can’t say I blame Pete for wanting time away from all this though,” Grenville said, squeezing Ray’s arm and sipping his pint of beer. “You guys are rising to fame, and fame can be stressful.”
(Robert had surprised the boys by taking them to a normal pub that evening, rather than a sleazy strip club as Pete had assumed).
“Yeah I know,” Ray agreed. “It’s quite scary really, how successful we’re becoming, and we’ve only released one single.”
“And you have the next single to be released soon,” their assistant manager pointed out. “You guys are gonna be busy the rest of this year and possibly all next year, you may not have time for romance...but then if Robert has anything to do with it, well he’ll find girls for you all.”
Ray’s eyes widened in shock as he realised what Grenville was talking about, making Grenville chuckle, “Oh don’t look so horrified, I’m just teasing mate.”
“Well, the pub he’s brought us to is not quite as bad as I thought,” Ray said with a small laugh. “I was worried because I’m too tired to do anything but sit and have a drink.”
“And why would I want you to do anything but sit and have a relaxing drink?” Robert had just come to join them with his pint, along with Mick and Dave.
“Oh I know you Robert,” Grenville laughed. “You’ve got more planned for us this evening I just know it, this drink is just the start of the whole thing.”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” the manager said, giving off an innocent look and settling in a chair opposite Ray and Grenville. “Although actually, it’s not a bad idea, I could do with the distraction with Pete having abandoned us this evening.”
“Well he’s got himself a date that’s why,” Ray smiled, feeling pleased for his friend. “Who can blame him, and with the star of Ready Steady Go. You should be happy for him.”
“Who says I’m not?” Robert shrugged. “Just saying that...well, he’s slowly becoming famous and he’s a good looking fella at that. I say he should think about what else is out there.”
“And by that you mean, you want to set him up with a glamorous model,” Grenville said, shaking his head. “And you want to make sure it’s public knowledge.”
“Did I say that?” Robert said, once again trying to look innocent.
“You don’t need to!” Grenville said, rolling his eyes. “I know you Robert, I know what you’re like.”
The three Kinks who were present and their managers did not get much of a chance to relax and talk for much longer that night, the reason for that was, one of the barmaids had suddenly realised that she had served one of the Kinks.
Dave had ordered his drink, and this particular barmaid served him the same as anyone else, then as she looked at him, started to think his face looked familiar but thought little else of it.
A little while later, her colleague pointed out the three young men sitting at the table nearby, who were talking with two other men who were not so recognisable. That was when the second barmaid plucked up the courage to walk over to the table and ask the group if they were indeed who she thought they were, of course there was no getting out of it, they had to answer truthfully.
In the end, whether the Kinks liked it or not, they caused a bit of a stir. Several young girls who were there, plus a couple of male fans, were flocking around the table asking for autographs. There was even one fan with a camera who asked to have her picture taken with the band, who were kind enough to oblige. Even if they had not wanted to, Robert would have insisted on it as of course he had to have the band give off this good, kind and obliging image and they had to care about their fans.
Sadly, that was not all Robert had in mind for the Kinks, and sadly in time, this was going to cause tension.
Notes:
Thank you for reading, any feedback will be greatly appreciated!
Chapter 12
Summary:
Dave realises what an idiot he has been from the moment he first met Mick, so now the question remains, how does he resolve the problem.
Notes:
I would like to thank all of you who have read this story right from the start. I am telling you now, it's nowhere near finished, however what is nearly finished with is all the pre-slash that has been a major part of this epic from the very beginning and very soon you are going to see my couple finally together.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Love me til the sun shines
Chapter 12
It had been a few weeks since Mick had seen Peter Noone, and the way Dave had behaved in the hotel room that time had scared him. Mick was determined however, to see Peter again in spite of Dave’s threats to expose him to the band. How genuine were these threats anyway? These were the questions Mick was constantly asking himself since Dave’s outburst, which had come completely out of the blue and had left Mick reeling.
At the time, poor Mick felt he had no choice but to go with what Dave was demanding; if his kiss with Peter was to be exposed, who knows what might happen? Nobody would be on Mick’s side once they knew he had a preference for men instead of women.
Mick tried not to think of the unpleasant consequences that may occur if, not only the band and managers found out, but the record company, fans and the media. Worse still, Mick thought of his adopted family and how they may react to the news if it got out.
But Dave has no proof of what happened, Mick thought to himself. He only claims to have seen Peter kissing me, and if he was to tell the others about what he saw, I could always deny it. He has no photos to show so he has nothing on me at all really. He can’t prove a thing and nor can anyone else. Why on earth would they take Dave’s word for it anyway?
Herman’s Hermits had been on Ready Steady Go that evening, but Mick had not had a chance to talk to Peter at all. Both bands had got far too busy and they had barely had a chance to go near each other. Fortunately, at the last minute, Peter had managed to escape from the fans, who were demanding autographs, just quickly enough to slip a small piece of paper into Mick’s hand. Luckily, Dave had not been there to see this happening.
When Mick had a few moments alone just briefly before Robert dragged them all off to the pub, he had opened up the note and read it.
If you can make it, try to meet me outside the Freemason’s Tavern on Great Queen Street at nine-thirty tonight. I will wait there for half an hour. I will understand if you can’t come because I know you must be really busy but you and I need to talk about what happened.
Mick had been unsure if he knew where that pub was, because he had never been to this part of London before. However, as luck would have it, the Freemason’s Tavern was the very place where Robert ended up taking them all.
Mick’s heart had given a leap of excitement when he realised he was in exactly the place he needed to be. The only other hurdle was sneaking off without Dave knowing or seeing him when the timing was right.
Mick was now sitting in the pub at the table with the rest of them, minus Pete who he understood had got himself a date. Dave offered to buy Mick a drink much to his surprise. Mick accepted just to try and avoid offending and infuriating his younger band mate more than was necessary.
Mick could not wait for his own date; seeing Peter again after a good few weeks would be wonderful. Mick was not quite sure how he felt about him, but he needed the company of someone like himself. Peter was indeed a special person if only for that reason.
Mick sat listening to the conversation between Ray, Robert and Grenville, who were discussing Pete. Dave was sitting right next to him, not really interested in any of it at all, and Mick got the feeling that once again, Dave was going to try something. He was not wrong.
“So,” the younger man almost whispered to Mick. “Got any plans for this evening? I mean, when we’re done here?”
Of course Mick had plans, but he could not tell Dave what they were, and it was no good just saying he was going to meet someone as it would immediately arouse the younger man’s suspicions, so he simply replied, “Er...not quite sure, why do you ask?”
“Oh I dunno,” Dave grinned mischievously. “I just thought maybe you and I could go out somewhere, just the two of us and...I dunno, make mischief together?”
“Mischief?” Mick queried, feeling suspicious. “What sort of mischief?”
“Oh there was plenty of mischief I used to get up to when I was younger,” Dave answered. “But thing is Mick, since meeting a certain person, I’ve had no desire to do that kind of mischief anymore...some may say it’s because I’m growing up, but if only they knew the real reason for it...well, let’s just say I could be in a lot of trouble, so could this band.”
Mick was confused, “What do you mean Dave?”
The younger Davies brother laughed and shook his head, looked Mick straight in the eye and answered, “Now that would be telling, my friend.”
Mick did not know what to say to such a statement. Indeed, a lot of the time, Dave did not make sense at all and Mick was concerned for him. He looked away from Dave trying to take in the things his band mate was coming out with. Then so as not to make things any more awkward than they were beginning to feel, Mick decided to say something, “So, what exactly did you want to do later on then?”
Before Dave could answer his question, Mick heard his name being mentioned, “Mick, looks like you're wanted mate,” Grenville pointed to the lady at the bar, the same one who had recognised them earlier and caused them to get some unwanted attention from young fans who wanted to meet them.
The barmaid was looking at him, and she said, “There’s a phone call for you; it’s an emergency.”
Mick’s heart went into his mouth when he heard these words. What on earth was wrong that someone had to ring him at the pub? Also, how could anyone know where he was?
Feeling extremely worried, he walked over to the phone the barmaid showed him to, took a deep breath and prepared himself for what he might hear. Was there something wrong at Rachel’s house? Was she ill? Had something happened to Steve or Julie? But he still could not understand how anyone could possibly know where he was. Mick put the phone to his ear and said, “Er...hello.”
“Hiya Mick,” a familiar male voice said at the other end. “It’s me, Peter; I’m just outside.”
“What?” Mick hissed, looking around to make sure no-one could hear him. “How did you know I was in here?”
“Well I told you to meet me outside that pub and lo and behold you and your crew decide to go there anyway,” Peter laughed. “So you coming outside to meet me? I’m just in the phone box outside, will only take a minute. Tell your friends someone's ill or something.”
“Oh yeah, and how is that going to work since nobody in my life knows that I’m here?”
“Apart from me,” Peter said in a flirty tone. “I know you’re here because I saw you going in...come on, I know you want to see me. Make an excuse and come out.”
“Ohhh...God I don’t know,” Mick said in a worried tone, then in a whisper, said, “Dave knows about us.”
There was silence on the other end of the phone, Mick hoped telling Peter about Dave knowing would not cause any major problems.
“Peter are you still there?” Mick said in almost a whisper. He really was worried that any moment now, Dave was going to be standing right behind him.
“Er...yeah I’m here,” Peter finally replied, his voice sounding a little shaky. “Look Mick can you please come out here so we can talk properly? Just say somebody’s ill or something.”
“Look, I told you I won’t get away with that one,” Mick said, briefly looking around to make sure there was no-one listening. “Don’t worry, I will come out...just wait for me round the corner okay? I will find you.”
“All right,” Peter agreed. “But hurry up.” Then he hung up.
Mick sighed, placed the phone back onto the receiver and went back to where his band mates and managers were sitting; when they saw he had returned, Grenville asked him, “Everything all right Mick? Who was it?”
Mick picked up his coat which he had left on the back of the chair he had been sitting on, and did his best not to look at Dave, whose eyes he could feel were on him, “Erm, sorry guys but I need to get going...something’s come up.”
“What’s happened?” Ray asked, looking concerned.
“Nothing to worry about,” Mick reassured them. “But I really need to get going...somebody’s…”
Mick really could not think of a very good excuse, but luckily, Grenville had a good guess.
“Oh it’s okay Mick,” Grenville laughed. “You don’t have to worry, if you’ve got yourself a date then it’s fine but you could have told us.”
Mick felt himself blushing, which obviously made Grenville and the rest of them suspect this was true, though it may not have been a bad thing to let them all believe that, and besides, it was in a sense true, though not in the way the rest must have been thinking.
“There’s...there’s not really anything to tell,” Mick said, blushing again.
“Come on Mick who is she?” Ray asked.
Mick’s head went down; he felt awful lying to his companions, so he decided not to answer Ray’s question.
“Look guys I’ll see you all tomorrow okay,” he said, quickly putting on his coat in a desperate bid to get away to avoid any further questions.
As Mick headed for the door, he heard Robert calling out, “Well why can’t you tell us who you’re meeting Mick?”
Mick however, pretended not to hear the band’s manager; he was going to have a pretty awkward time tomorrow anyway. The band were all meeting in the studio going over a few new songs of Ray’s. He decided there and then he would try and avoid any questions about what he had been up to as best he could.
Dave knew full well who the drummer had been speaking to on the phone, he just knew it. He also knew that blackmailing Mick had not worked at all. The threats he had made to Mick had been pretty empty, of course he never had any intention of carrying it out. He had just said those things in the hope that Mick would see some sense and not continue to consort with that Mancunian. Mick had obviously decided not to take heed.
For the next quarter of an hour, Dave had to endure the others talk of Mick and the ‘mysterious girl’ he had slipped away to meet. Oh if only they knew the truth. Dave just wanted to tell them all to shut the fuck up; the things they were all saying, especially Ray and Robert, cut like a knife. There was no way that Dave could make his feelings known though; they would all find it extremely odd that he had a problem with them discussing Mick’s secret date, and ten to one they would accuse him of being jealous...which he was, just not in the way they would think. They would think he was jealous that Mick had found a girl before him, when in actual fact, Dave wanted Mick, and had wanted him from the very moment he saw him.
When Dave could not endure the things they were saying any longer, he told them he needed to go outside for some fresh air and a smoke. His heart was aching and he did not want any of them to see him crying. As he walked out, Robert called out to him that they were all going to a nightclub down the road in a few minutes. Did that man ever give up? Dave managed to hold back the tears until he got outside onto the street, then he just broke down.
When Mick got outside, he looked around for Peter, who was no longer in the phone box, so where should he look? Mick looked both left and right down the quiet street but could not see any sign of his friend who might possibly turn out to be more. Mick did not quite understand what Peter meant in his note, it just said they needed to discuss what had happened, but nothing had happened as far as Mick was concerned, they had kissed, that was all.
“Hey,” a voice suddenly said from out of nowhere.
Mick looked around, and Peter was there, beckoning from around a corner, “Come here quick!”
Mick made sure there was no-one watching and quickly ran into the alleyway where Peter was hiding, he greeted his friend with a hug, then before Mick could stop it, the blond singer began kissing him fiercely.
Peter pushed Mick up against the wall and pinned his hands there, perhaps more roughly than he meant to, hurting Mick in the process. However Peter was stronger than he looked and Mick was unable to break free. Peter pressed his body right against Mick’s and stuck his tongue inside the drummer’s mouth. Peter was treating Mick very roughly all of a sudden and he did not like this, but there was nothing he could do. For about two minutes, Mick was trapped and was not enjoying this rough treatment, and he felt angry that Peter was not even giving him a chance to speak or even breathe.
Peter finally broke away, and groaned, “Oh fuck, I’ve wanted to do that for weeks, I never told you last time how good your mouth tastes!”
Exasperated, Mick complained, “Peter, you’re hurting me. Can you let go of my hands please?”
Peter’s face fell, but he let Mick’s hands go free, “Oh...I’m sorry Mick, I didn’t mean to hurt you honestly. I...I was just so excited to see you that’s all, I’ve missed you and I wanted to show you just how much.”
“I missed you too,” Mick winced, looking at his hands that were now grazed and cut from them being forced so roughly against the wall so suddenly and unexpectedly. “But there was no need to be so rough, look at my hands, you’ve really hurt me. There was no need to shove me up against the wall like that. You were so gentle last time. What the hell has changed?”
Peter looked very remorseful and ashamed, “Oh Mick, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you really I didn’t but...you’re just so beautiful and I couldn’t help myself. Here let me look.”
Peter gently took Mick’s hands and looked carefully at the grazes, they were bleeding slightly, Peter looked at Mick, “I’m really sorry,” he said. “Come on, you’re in luck, there’s a first aid box in the car, I’ll put something on your hands.”
“You have a car?” Mick asked him. “Wow, you’re organised, prepared for everything, including injuries like this, but aren’t you a bit young to be driving? You’re not yet seventeen.”
“Well it’s not my car,” Peter laughed as he led Mick to the other side of the alley. “I stole it!”
Mick looked at his friend in shock, “WHAT!!! What do you mean you stole it? You can’t just…”
“Hey...hey relax,” Peter tried to reassure Mick there was nothing to worry about. “It belongs to my manager and he’ll never know I took it; he’s too busy getting drunk...probably.”
“But that’s not the point!” Mick exclaimed as they began to cross the main road. “You can’t just take someone’s car without permission...it’s theft, your manager could report his car missing and…”
“Hey, he will never notice it’s gone,” Peter assured him. “Let’s just get your hands seen to and then have some fun.”
Mick had no choice but to go along with what Peter said, even though he was worried that his friend was crazy, also Mick did not approve of taking things without permission, especially something easily missed like a car.
“I am NOT happy with you Peter,” Mick sighed as they came to a car park. “I don’t care if your manager’s getting drunk, or that he won’t notice his car’s missing. You don’t take somebody’s car like that, not ever.”
“Oh will you please stop guilt tripping me Mick,” Peter whined. “I just wanted to see you so much, and all you’re doing is having a go at me.”
Mick sighed again, “I don’t mean to guilt trip you Peter, but taking a car is wrong...and also I didn’t appreciate your rough treatment earlier.”
When Mick saw the car Peter had borrowed without permission, he did a double take. It was a silver Ford Mustang, the latest model, and was certainly a car easily missed. He could not believe how Peter could just take it and be so relaxed about it. For now however, Mick just wanted to get his hands seen to; they were hurting quite badly and he decided later on to have a serious talk with Peter about his behaviour.
Although Mick liked this boy very much, if they were to get more serious, there would have to be some ground rules for their relationship. Mick wanted to be with someone who was straightforward and honest. He certainly did not want to be involved in any criminal behaviour; after all, having a relationship with another male was indeed criminal enough, especially one who had not yet come of age.
Mick sat in the car with Peter while the blond teenager tended to the cuts around his knuckles; they were not quite as bad as they looked but it was a good idea to get them cleaned or they could become infected.
As Peter was applying a strong smelling antiseptic to the cuts, Mick brought up the subject of Peter and the ‘borrowed’ car.
“Are you sure this car isn’t going to be missed?” Mick asked the blond teenager.
Peter was silent for a few seconds, then sighed and said, “Mick, we’ve been through this, and anyway it’s not your problem is it? It’s mine.”
“Could become my problem if we are seen together in it,” Mick pointed out.
“Look, just relax okay everything’s going to be fine,” Peter stressed. “I didn’t ask to meet you so that you could guilt trip me about taking the car. I wanted to talk to you, spend time with you, because…”
“Because...what?” Mick asked.
Peter finished tending to Mick’s hands and put the first aid box to one side, “I might be away for quite a while, that’s what.”
“How...how long?” Mick asked. “You mean with your group?”
“Yes, with Herman’s Hermits,” Peter replied sadly. “You see, that was why I was so desperate to see you, and why I stole this car...or borrowed it without asking. Because I was scared if we didn’t meet up, then we might not see each other for a very long time and...I don’t really know what will happen to us...because don’t you feel that what we have is special?”
“I am glad I met you Peter,” Mick said, stroking his friend’s hair affectionately. “I would have been sorry if you were to go away with your band and not know when I was going to see you again.”
“So you see why I had to take the car?” Peter said, looking at Mick with sorry eyes. “Because our hotel is right at the other end of town and I didn’t want to have to walk all the way here, especially as I don’t know London. So while my band mates and our manager were sat in the hotel bar, I snuck out and took the car, so I could see you. You understand don’t you?”
“Yes...of course I do,” Mick sighed. “But I just wish we’d arranged it better than this you know.”
“It doesn’t matter,” Peter said. “All that matters is, we’re together now, it’s dark, no-one can see us and we should make the most of this before I go away tomorrow. Me and the group are touring Europe, it’s going to keep us away for about three months...then even when I come back, I don’t know how busy you will be with your band...so when am I going to get to see you?”
“I’m sure we can work out something,” Mick reassured him.
“There’s also another thing I’m worried about,” Peter sighed. “As fond as I am of you Mick...if word of this gets out, my band mates will kill me. Also what’s that you were saying about Dave knowing about us?”
“He...he saw us,” Mick replied. “That time in Manchester, we were sat there in the park and I don’t know what the hell Dave was doing there; he must have followed us but he saw us kissing.”
Peter’s eyes widened with shock, “What the hell!”
“That’s what I told you on the phone,” Mick explained. “I don’t know why he was there but...well he confronted me about it, said if I saw you again he was going to tell everyone, he told me not to see you ever again.”
“Did he now!” Peter’s face became angry. “That little…”
“Peter he can’t prove anything though can he!” Mick said, trying to reassure his friend. “From what I heard from Ray, Dave has told so many lies.”
“Still, I’d like to know what he was doing there,” Peter said in disbelief. “Why would he want to follow us like that?”
“No idea,” Mick answered. “He wanted me to go out somewhere with him this evening, said he wanted to cause mischief, I don’t know what he meant by that, but I’m glad I was saved by the bell.”
“What, you mean when I called?” Peter laughed.
“Yeah,” Mick whispered, looking into the blond man’s eyes. “I’d rather make mischief with you instead.”
Mick smiled sweetly at Peter, who looked at the beautiful drummer for a second, then leaned in for a kiss, and Mick did not try to resist.
While Pete and the two managers were impressed with the new song Ray was playing to them the very next day, all Dave could do was sit gazing out of the window. It was a miserable rainy day, so once again, the weather matched his mood. He took no notice of Ray’s guitar, or of Ray’s singing. Indeed, Dave did not care for either. It did not matter anyway, since Mick was late, Ray would have to play the song again. Every time Mick was late for anything to do with the band, Dave would always panic and think Mick was not going to show up at all.
Since meeting Mick, Dave’s world had been turned upside down, and having to work with the drummer each day was taking it’s toll on Dave’s sanity, even though the teenager did his best not to show it.
Mick’s beauty would drive Dave to distraction at the best of times, and so he would make mistake after mistake, and that would sometimes result in the whole song having to be played again, depending on how much Dave messed up the song.
Dave’s emotions were very mixed whenever Mick was around; he had feelings of anger, self loathing, paranoia, frustration, guilt and fear of the unknown. In other ways, Dave also felt very alive whenever the drummer was there. Just to be near Mick, to hear his voice, to gaze on his wonderful beauty was just amazing, at least that was the only way Dave could describe the feeling when many years later he was telling the story to others. The way Mick spoke, the sound of his gentle voice, sometimes Dave had no words, because Mick did something for him that no-one had ever done before.
Yet right now, Dave was feeling very low and more at war with himself than ever. He had spent the previous evening with Ray and the two managers in total silence and had hardly noticed where he was, but the others seemed to have had a good time and had hardly noticed Dave was there at all. This was how Dave often felt since meeting Mick and possibly even before that, lonely even in the company of others. He wondered how Mick had got on last night. Had he met Peter Noone as Dave suspected? Was Mick in love with Peter?
If Mick was going to show up that morning, Dave decided he really had to talk to him. Now that Dave knew there may be just a small chance of them getting together, and now that he knew that Mick played for the same team, Dave really needed to try and convince the drummer that he truly wanted him and they should be together. Yet Dave knew that all this time, he had been going about it the wrong way. Every time he tried to turn that around, his anger and frustration over something getting in the way of that would get the better of him and he would take it out on poor Mick. Yet really all Dave wanted to do was hold him and love him, and also to be loved by Mick in return.
Funnily enough, Dave was brought out of his mixed thoughts by the arrival of Mick at that very moment, the rest of them seemed pleased to see him, even though Mick was late.
Instead of getting annoyed with him, they just asked him how things had gone last night.
All Dave could do was turn from where he was sitting beside the window and listen intently to what the group were talking to Mick about; they all seemed desperate to know where he had gone last night and who he had met up with.
From the way Mick was reluctant to answer their questions and the nervous laughs from the drummer, Dave knew, he just knew that Mick had not met any girl as those stupid idiots thought. In fact, Mick did not look very happy at being interrogated, and from the beautiful drummer’s pale features, Dave suspected that something had happened that was upsetting Mick immensely. Dave also noticed that Mick did not seem to want to be here today.
Mick interrupted the interrogations by saying, “Look guys, no offence but I really don’t want to talk about it okay?”
“Is everything all right Mick?” Pete asked with concern. “I wasn’t with you lot last night but I heard you had to leave early...this lot seemed to think you’d arranged a secret date with someone.”
“I may well have,” Mick sighed, taking his coat off and hanging it over a chair. “But it didn’t go very well, and for now I just want to forget all about it...anyway Pete how did your date go?”
“Yeah Pete’s a sneaky bugger too,” Robert chuckled. “He snuck off with Cathy McGowan without telling anyone where he was going...well, he told Ray.”
“Too right I only told Ray,” Pete said defensively. “Otherwise Robert, you would have been on my back about coming out for a night on the town, and I just wanted a quiet evening after the stress of performing in a studio in front of cameras. I still worry if I’m going to look good when the whole thing’s shown on Friday.”
“Why wouldn’t you look good Pete?” Grenville asked him. “You looked good on Top of the Pops, you all did.”
“Just excuse me a minute,” Mick said in a weak voice, and made for the door.
Dave thought it seemed to be the mention of Top of the Pops that had upset Mick, and decided to follow him out and talk to him, whether Mick wanted it or not.
“You all right Mick?” Ray asked.
“Yeah I’m okay,” Mick replied quickly. “Be back in a minute.” Mick left the room, and Dave stood up and made to go after him, ignoring the mumbling of, “Mysterious Mick,” from Robert and, from Ray, “Do wonder about that guy sometimes.”
Dave followed Mick outside the room and called out to him, “Mick, what’s going on?”
Mick turned around to face Dave, “Nothing,” he answered. “Nothing at all.”
“Don’t lie Mick!” Dave said, wanting desperately not to sound interrogating but failing miserably. “I know you saw Peter Noone last night, I know he was the one who called you at the pub.”
Mick looked Dave straight in the face, and said, “What I do outside of the band is nothing to do with you Dave and I won’t be bullied by you.”
“Remember what I said to you about this last time?” Dave warned. “If you want to stay in our band you’re gonna have to make sacrifices...what the hell is so wonderful about this guy anyway?”
Mick could not hide the tears that were welling up in his eyes at what he must have seen as Dave’s harassment, “Why can’t you just leave me alone Dave? I’ve done nothing to you, yet you make me feel so small sometimes, it’s like I can’t breathe because you’re watching me as if I’m doing something wrong and I’m not...even if I am, what has it to do with you?”
“I already told you,” Dave replied. “Everything, didn’t you take in anything I said to you in the hotel room that time?”
“Yes I did,” Mick said, desperately fighting back the tears. “But after a while, I started to wonder if you really meant what you said, because as horrible as you are sometimes, I don’t really believe you are quite as inhuman as you pretend to be.”
Dave did not know what to say to such words. It was true, he never had any intention of telling anyone what he had seen in Manchester that time. He never planned to expose Mick and Peter to anyone who would try to ruin their lives in one way or another. All he really wanted was for Mick to love him but he was afraid, so afraid that Mick’s affections were elsewhere and he could not bear the thought that nothing could ever happen between them.
“So...what did happen last night then?” Dave asked, feeling that he should try to keep up a conversation with the drummer, who Dave could see was clearly upset about something that had happened...or didn’t happen last night.
“If you must know,” Mick replied. “Yes, yes I did meet up with Peter Noone last night, and yes, he was the one who called me at the pub.”
Once again, Dave’s good and bad side were fighting a battle; the angry, jealous side that wanted to ruin anything good between Mick and Peter, who he hated for almost no reason. Then there was his good side that kept trying to tell him, that if he had any genuine feelings for Mick, then he would be happy for him that he had met someone special, and be supportive of their relationship. However that was when his bad side was asking him that if Mick had found happiness with someone else, then where did that leave him? That was when the fear of being rejected and alone began to get the better of him again, and he wanted to lash out like the spoilt little brat that he had been for far too long, and deep down Dave knew this.
“Right, so you decided to be like Pete and abandon us then?” Dave said, bitterly. “So was he worth it then?”
Mick did not answer, which irked Dave, who was once again becoming frustrated, so much so that he physically grabbed Mick to make him look at him, “You DON’T get to ignore me!”
“Dave just leave me alone,” Mick said, with a pale and forlorn expression. “I don’t have to talk to you about Peter or about anything.”
“Well it’s got to stop!” Dave hissed, nastily. “What did I tell you about it before?”
“Dave shut up! ” Mick snapped, and Dave could see that Mick’s eyes were filling with tears, but Dave was so angry with Mick for being so beautiful that he could no longer think about girls like he used to, angry with himself for letting these feelings take over his life and angry with Mick for meeting someone else, and so for that reason, Dave would not shut up like Mick warned him to.
“Yeah cos you were fucking him weren’t you!” Dave hissed accusingly. “Or did he fuck you?”
“I SAID, SHUT UP!!!” Mick screeched at the top of his voice, but that was not the only thing Mick did, because Dave had gone too far and upset him so much. As Mick shouted these words, he pushed Dave so hard that the teenager fell backwards onto the floor. That was when Dave realised he really had gone too far this time.
The door opened and Dave’s brother Ray, Pete and their two managers came out to see what all the shouting was about, they saw Dave on the floor, trying to get up, and Mick walking away and out onto the balcony.
“What the hell’s going on?” Pete asked.
“Hey Dave,” Ray demanded, and looked at Mick who had just walked off out of the building. “Hey did Mick push you over? Wait til I get my hands on him...nobody lays their hands on my brother but me!”
Before Ray could go off to find Mick however, Dave, who was still on the floor making an effort to get onto his feet again, stopped him, saying, “No Ray no! It’s my fault, I upset him, I deserved it.”
“What happened?” Grenville asked.
“Look, it doesn’t matter it’s between me and Mick,” Dave said when he had got back on his feet. “Don’t worry you guys, I’ll go and talk to him, apologise for my behaviour.”
“Yeah we had noticed for a while that you’ve been giving Mick a hard time,” Pete pointed out. “Whatever your problem is with Mick, go and try and resolve it please. Mick doesn’t deserve it I’m sure of that.”
“Yeah and for once can you keep your problems out of the studio?” Robert requested. “You’re an adult now Dave...well almost, so start behaving like one.”
Dave took no notice of Robert and made his way along the corridor, and outside onto the balcony that overlooked the old and worn buildings that were all part of ATV house . He did not like what he found, the first thing he noticed was the sound of sobbing. Poor Mick was leaning against a green plant unable to stop the tears that had been threatening to flow from his eyes since he first arrived, so Dave thought.
Dave’s heart sank to see Mick this way, he felt so full of remorse, not just for today and not just for blackmailing Mick over his relationship with another male, but for the way he had behaved ever since the first day he met the drummer. He wanted to make it up to him as best he could, but how? Well an apology would be a good start, Dave supposed.
“Mick,” Dave said, gently putting his hand on the drummer’s shoulder. “I’m...I’m sorry.”
“Don’t touch me! ” Mick pushed Dave’s hand away. “Just leave me alone Dave...you’ve...hurt me enough.”
“Please Mick,” Dave begged. “Forgive me.”
“You always...say sorry,” Mick sobbed. “B...but...you never...change.”
“I will change,” Dave promised. “I know I’m a cunt...always have been, but I’m growing up...or trying to but it’s hard...my, temper and jealousy always gets the better of me.”
“If...if you want to know if I’m...going to see Peter...again,” Mick tried to speak properly but the sobs made it very hard for him to do so. “No, i’m not...at least not for a while.”
“Why?” Dave asked.
“We...we like each other but, he’s going to be away for quite a while and I don’t know if we will be able to see each other much anyway,” Mick explained as he wiped away the tears with a handkerchief.
“Right,” was all Dave could say.
Mick tried to calm himself enough to talk to Dave but he was finding it hard, but Dave knew from the way the drummer was looking at him that Mick had more that he wanted to say, and so Dave waited patiently for Mick to talk.
“I...suppose you are dying to know more about what happened,” Mick sighed. “You want to know how serious me and Peter are.”
Dave said nothing, truth be told, he did not care anymore; seeing Mick so upset had broken his heart and made him realise what an idiot he had been all along. How he wished he could take back the way he had behaved right from the beginning when he met Mick, how he wished he had been a better person all his life.
All Dave could do was stand there thinking of what a bad person he had really been and how much he had hurt Mick with his selfish behaviour. He waited to hear what Mick had to say.
“Peter and I talked last night,” Mick began. “We...didn’t really do much else really...that is we kissed, we...we didn’t go any further than that...and despite what you accused me of, we never went any further because...I just feel Peter’s a bit too young, he’s not seventeen yet so...it wouldn’t have been right.”
Dave nodded to show he understood, then could not resist asking, “Do you...do you love him?”
Mick sighed sadly, “I’m not really sure how I feel about him to be honest,” he replied. “Even if I did love him, he and I are hardly ever going to see each other...it probably wouldn’t work out. He also told me his band mates would kill him. I’m very fond of him and, it’s not that I wouldn’t like to see him again but, I don’t see how we can possibly have a future if he’s away with his band and I’m working with you guys and...I feel really sad about it but, he and I talked a lot last night and we agreed that at the moment we’re better off as friends.”
“Right,” Dave said, still distressed at seeing Mick looking so sad but deep down he could not help but feel slightly happy that Peter Noone was more or less out of the way...for now.
“It’s for the best I think,” Mick said in a quiet and forlorn voice, which made Dave feel even more sad, but then Mick seemed to find his voice again. “So I think now is the time to drop the subject and stop harassing me about Peter because you win Dave, I’m not seeing him anymore, so you don’t have to worry about your precious band and the band’s precious reputation or about the embarrassment you will suffer if word of it gets out. YOU’VE GOT YOUR OWN WAY JUST LIKE YOU ALWAYS DO, I HOPE YOU’RE HAPPY BECAUSE YOU WIN!”
Then the conversation was over; Mick walked away and left Dave reeling from the drummer’s sudden outburst. Dave knew he had a lot of thinking to do, he knew he was not Mick’s favourite person, not by a long shot. So now he had to think of ways to prove to Mick he was not a selfish little brat anymore. It would take some time, but he was going to do it, he was going to prove himself to Mick Avory and eventually win his heart.
Notes:
Thanks to both my betas, Gia and Gina who have believed in me from the start and have not been afraid to try something new and give a new writer a chance. Though I wish my friends would stop walking away.
Chapter 13
Summary:
During the band's first trip to America, the unresolved sexual tension between Mick and Dave is finally resolved in an unexpected way when the two are accidently locked in a basement together. Dave finally cracks and confesses his love for a shocked Mick. How will the drummer react?
Notes:
I feel I have achieved so much by having 13 whole chapters of this epic posted on here and for my loyal readers I want to thank you for your continued support and I hope you will all support me right until the end, which I can assure you will not be yet, I just knew this story was going to be a long one when I started it. Also thanks to my friend Gina for your help.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Love me til the sun shines
Chapter 13
The Kinks first trip to America would be when Dave’s luck finally changed, and in the most unexpected way possible. It happened just before the band’s first appearance on the U.S. television show, Shindig.
Since the success of You really got me, the boys released their second single, All day and all of the night, and they had even begun to record their second album, Kinda Kinks. This new album would include another big hit of theirs, Tired of Waiting for you.
The band were in the studio nearly every day recording these new songs, and in between recording, they were performing gigs all over the country. They barely had time to see their families or have much of a social life, and they certainly never expected to be so busy.
They were tired at the end of every performance, and having to get up early to go here and there was incredibly draining, so much so that the boys were often seen fast asleep in their dressing room in between shows. Pep pills of course had to be taken, but Mick always stuck with strong coffee.
Being tired did not change Mick’s mood; he was just as lovely as ever in spite of the sadness he felt at having to break it off with Peter Noone. The others however could be unpredictable, especially Ray and Dave when it came to their many differences.
Ray made every effort to be agreeable, but Dave and his unexplained moods made this very difficult. These moods led to more Davies fights, which caused Pete’s temper to be tested due to the stress of not only having to record and perform for ridiculous hours, but having to come between the two brothers as usual. His date with Cathy McGowan had gone very well, and the bass player was looking forward to seeing her again, which was why he felt frustrated with not getting a break from the band; he confided in Ray about this the evening before they were to fly to the U.S. The two were spending a few rare free hours in the Muswell Tavern.
“She’s going to think I don’t want to see her,” Pete sighed. “But I’ve told her I do and she trusts me and said she would wait for me, but Ray, what if she finds someone who has more time for her?”
“When was the last time you spoke to her?” Ray asked his friend.
Pete sighed again, resenting the answer he was going to give, “Last night.”
“And she was okay?”
“Yeah we had a long talk over the phone,” Pete replied. “I told her that I’d be away with you guys for a few weeks and she said she understood. I wanted to see her tonight but she’s busy so I told her I’d try to call her when I could but...oh Ray, when am I going to get the chance?”
“Sure you will,” Ray said, trying to be positive. “If it’s meant to be, then you will get to see her again. Look, after America we get to have a bit of a break so there’s no reason you can’t make time for Cathy. Are you going to call her before we leave tomorrow?”
“I’m hoping so,” Pete said, sounding sceptical. “But I get so tired at the end of recording and playing live that I just don’t feel like doing anything but sleep sometimes; those pep pills don’t always work for me.”
“I feel for you Pete,” Ray said, putting a sympathetic hand on Pete’s shoulder.
“No you don’t,” Pete groaned. “Ray you haven’t even got a girlfriend...well, I’m not sure that Cathy’s my girlfriend yet but...I’m hoping she will be if I ever get to see her any time soon.”
“I’m sorry Pete, I don’t know what to say,” Ray said sadly. “I know it’s easy for me to say but...wait and see what happens yeah?”
“I suppose so,” Pete gave a weak smile. “Yeah you’re right, I need to stop worrying and think about the band; this is a big step for us going to America. I don’t want to worry about what may or may not happen. If it’s meant to be then...well she’ll be waiting for me when I get back.”
“Exactly,” Ray said. “Anyway, my glass is empty now; it’s your turn to get the drinks, come on Pete the night’s still young, let’s have some fun before we fly tomorrow.”
The next day found the boys waiting at the airport to board the plane for Los Angeles; none of them had been there before and they had mixed feelings of excitement, nerves and anxiety.
The four sat with their many bags not talking or doing very much, maybe they were just so overwhelmed with how far things had come since the band first began. What was also making them feel self conscious was the fact that people were now starting to recognise them; Mick especially felt very uncomfortable with this.
“Why are they looking at us Dave?” The drummer asked the youngest member of the band. “It makes me feel very self conscious, I can hear people talking about us and it’s so embarrassing.”
“You think that’s bad?” Dave muttered. “Wait ‘til we’re getting mobbed by fans everywhere we go.”
Mick was unable to look up and smile as a man who they all assumed was a newspaper photographer came right in front of them and took a picture of them without warning.
“Thanks boys,” the annoying man said. “I got just the photo I needed.”
“You’re welcome,” Ray murmured, trying to look and sound cheerful, but it was fairly obvious the lead singer was feeling just as apprehensive as the rest of them were.
The band now had a road manager, Stan, who was busy unloading the van that held their all important musical instruments. When Stan brought the last of the gear that was vital for the trip, he sat down next to the boys and said, “Cheer up fellas, ya should be excited, this is your first real trip away from home.”
“But everyone’s looking at us as if we’re aliens from outer space,” Pete complained. “We’re not exactly comfortable with that yet.”
“And some guy just came and took a photo of us,” Ray added. “Without our permission.”
“I find it very invasive,” Mick said gloomily. “What if I never get used to it?”
“Aww you will,” Stan replied. “Well, I hope you will, take each day as it comes I say, no use worrying. Look on the bright side, very soon you will have enough money to look after your families. That’s something most people can only dream of.”
“Never realised how tiring being a musician actually is,” Ray groaned. “I seriously need a long sleep, I think I could sleep for a whole month.”
“I’m finding being a roadie fun,” Stan said, giving Ray a friendly punch. “But yeah, they shouldn’t work you guys into the ground like that, s’not on.”
“Thanks for understanding Stan, my good friend,” Ray laughed. “We’re glad to have you with us.”
“Yeah we need a cheerful person around us,” Pete added.
Dave and Mick remained silent as they listened to Ray and Pete laugh with the newly recruited road manager. Since their bust up over Peter Noone not so long ago, they had never really made it up, but the whole thing just seemed to have blown over and they just seemed to go back to square one. Dave had even begun trying to be nice to Mick, even though the drummer was not quite sure why. Mick was in two minds as to why Dave all of a sudden had begun to behave so pleasantly towards him.
Either Dave was feeling really bad about blackmailing him or he had some other reason. Whatever Dave’s reason for his change in behaviour, Mick was sure the teenager did not have anything good planned. This made Mick feel rather sad because, if it were not for Dave’s often detestable behaviour, he would have been a very good looking boy and sometimes Mick thought that in another life, Dave could have been the one. Yes, he was still a boy of seventeen with a lot to learn, but unlike Peter Noone, Dave was a band mate, and band mates were around each other a hell of a lot, so they would have so much time to get to know each other. If only Dave was not such a bully, they could have been good friends if nothing more.
Mick was fond of Ray and Pete, but he felt a little left out by their closeness; he sometimes wondered if Dave had always felt pushed out of things by the other two and maybe that was why the youngest band member behaved so badly. Whatever the reason, Mick felt that trying to understand Dave would help. Mick was not one for making enemies or holding grudges, so Mick decided once again to go out of his way to try and be nice to Dave.
Dave was having his own thoughts at the same time; he was more in love with Mick than ever but now he felt he had really blown it by going about things all the wrong way. When he broke down in the hotel room the morning after he had seen Mick with Peter, he so wanted to tell the drummer how he felt about him there and then, and he very nearly did, if it were not for that sudden fear of Mick rejecting him. Even after Mick had told him he was no longer seeing the Herman’s Hermits lead singer, Dave felt the drummer was still upset with him, so why would Mick want to be with him?
It hurt Dave sometimes to think he could not control his own anger and jealousy, and he had tried so much in the past few weeks to make it up to Mick, but band business just got in the way of that. Still, even if Mick did not feel the same way Dave did, if he got to know the drummer while they were away, make friends properly this time, maybe Mick would grow to love him. Dave realised he was letting fear get in the way of his own happiness, so this time he was determined to stick to his guns and not let his anger get out of control. The teenager realised that fighting with his brother in front of Mick was not a good look, so maybe he should try showing Mick that he could be the more mature one for a change. Whenever his older brother wound him up, he needed to learn to take a deep breath and not let his anger consume him. However he did it, Dave was going to try and change Mick’s mind about him.
It was a long flight to the United States, and all four of the Kinks felt the jet-lag when they reached their destination and arrived at the hotel. They were due to appear on Shindig the following day and because they were so tired, the boys wanted to do nothing but sleep.
The studio where Shindig was filmed was pretty much the same as the other studios they had filmed in, it looked no more exciting or attractive, but the atmosphere and the friendliness of its presenters more than made up for it. Besides, as they all had learned a long time ago, it was the warmth and variety of the show that made it what it was and the boys were very excited to be there despite their nerves.
Long before it was their turn to perform, they met up with the show’s presenters, a cheerful man named Jimmy O'Neil and his wife Sharon. Jimmy was also a Los Angeles disc jockey, the man certainly seemed to have the right sort of warm, humorous personality to do both jobs and he was easy to like, and Sharon was warm, friendly and made the boys laugh.
Dave, who was trying his best to put on a happy face despite his longing for Mick, did his best to keep his mind off things by watching the other guitarists who were performing on the show.
He was particularly impressed by one James Burton, whose talent he had always appreciated, but seeing him live and in the flesh was a different experience altogether. This man was a genius and not at all bad looking, but sadly not good looking enough to outshine Mick’s beauty. Although Dave found James’s playing very inspiring, and it would indeed affect his own playing in the future, in the end, Mick would be the one who had the biggest effect on his life and no matter how hard Dave tried, he would never be able to do a thing about it.
After Dave had enjoyed watching James’s performance, he hoped he would be able to meet the guitarist later, but now he needed to go and get ready for performing with the Kinks. They were to do two new songs that evening, the first one would be Tired of waiting for you which they hoped to release just before their next album came out. Then later, they were to perform a new one which Ray had impressed them all with after writing, a song called Til’ the end of the day which had sounded great once they recorded and listened to it, so catchy and made you happy to both listen to and perform. Both songs were expected to do very well, and they had practised so hard to get them right.
In the recording sessions for both songs, it had been a rare treat for everyone not to have any fights or differences of opinions, they had just generally had a good time recording and when that happened, they knew they had to make the most of it, because knowing Ray and Dave, things could go back to being frosty in a heartbeat.
Dave made his way from where he had been watching the acts performing, to the little room where the boys were getting ready to film their performance which would soon be seen by many American viewers. Ray and Pete were sitting tuning their guitars, and Mick was sitting in a corner tightly clutching his drumsticks, clearly trying not to look worried but failing miserably; something told Dave that Mick had more than just their performance in mind. Dave asked the drummer what was wrong.
Mick answered, in his gentle voice, “Stan is trying to locate my drum kit; without it, we can’t go on stage and perform.”
“Where’s my guitar?” Dave asked, a feeling of panic suddenly taking over him.”
“I don’t know,” Mick replied. “Missing like my drum kit I think.”
Ray stopped what he was doing and looked at his brother, “In the meantime, Pete and I thought we would tune our guitars while Stan goes to find what those idiots he brought with him did with your guitar and Mick’s drums.”
“WHAT THE FUCK!?” Dave yelled, unable to remain calm. “Stan is supposed to be our road manager, he’s responsible for what happens to our stuff! HOW COULD HE GO AND LOSE MY GUITAR LIKE THAT!”
“It’s all right Dave,” Mick said, trying to soothe Dave’s obvious alarm at the thought of losing his Gibson Flying V. “Stan has promised us he will go and find out where the missing instruments have been put, apparently there's other people who’ve complained about the same thing.”
“WHAT!! Is there a guitar thief around somewhere?” Dave gasped, panic taking hold of him again. “WAIT TIL I GET MY HANDS ON THE CUNT WHOEVER HE IS...or whoever SHE is...I’m gonna…”
“Dave, you’re not going to find your guitar any quicker being like that,” Pete reasoned. “I’m sure it will turn up...they have to because it’s our turn to go on soon.”
“Where the fuck is STAN?” Dave shouted, not listening. “Mick we need to go and find what’s happened to my guitar and your drums before everything’s ruined.”
“Stan said to not panic and just wait in here until he’s sorted it,” Ray said to his irate brother. “He won’t let us down, he thinks someone who works here has moved everything around and…”
But whatever Ray tried to say was of no use; Dave never did react well to anything going missing, he took hold of Mick and said in a shaky, panicky sounding voice, “Come on Mick, we need to go and find your drums and my guitar AND have a word with that FUCKING USELESS STAN before the whole thing’s ruined this evening.”
Before poor Mick could say anything, Dave dragged him out of the room by the arm and started to walk down the corridor with him, where there were people hanging around they did not recognise but looked like performers.
Possibly big stars in America, Mick thought. But haven’t yet made it in the UK.
Some of them were looking at the pair in a suspicious way, perhaps it was not surprising with the upset look on Dave’s face, but Mick tried to ignore the attention they were both getting.
“Dave let go of my arm please,” Mick begged his band mate. “You’re hurting me.”
“Well I’m sorry but this is an emergency!” Dave said, so concerned for his guitar that he did not care about anyone, and he was even annoyed with Mick for remaining calm when there was every reason not to be. “We’ve got to find bloody Stan and make him tell us what he did with our instruments because if this keeps happening, I’m going to talk to Robert and insist he change the road manager if he can’t look after our equipment properly.”
“It isn’t Stan’s fault,” Mick insisted, stopping and yanking his arm free. “He is very good at what he does but unfortunately he brought our stuff here and then there were some guys who apparently told him they would take our stuff in for him.”
“Well why didn’t he go in with them to make sure it was all brought in safely and to the right place where we would find everything?” Dave hissed, still not in the mood to forgive any mistake until his guitar was found.
“I don’t know,” Mick sighed. “But Stan’s trying to look for the guys who took our stuff in so he can find out where it all is, I know you’re worried, so am I, but…”
“All right there Dave,” a familiar and cheerful voice interrupted them, it was Stan, and Mick was hopeful that their instruments had been found because of the cheerful way that he greeted them. “I saw you were happily enjoying the show at the side of the stage, so I didn’t want to worry you about your guitar so I just left you to it and…”
“WHERE’S MY FUCKING GUITAR?” Dave demanded, not interested in their road manager’s excuses as to why he had not informed him his guitar was missing. “Why the hell couldn’t you…”
“Hey hey no need for that little fella,” Stan said, calmly. “It’s okay they’re down in that basement over there.”
Stan pointed to what looked like a trap door in the floor; Dave wasted no time in making his way over, “Well come on Mick, come and help me, don’t forget about your drum kit.”
“I’m glad you found them,” Mick said gratefully to the road manager. “But how did they end up down there?”
“I just had a word with one of the stage crew,” Stan replied. “Apparently everything is put down there until it’s needed, your drum kit was going to be brought up just before you were to go on stage, but I did point out that all the guitars shoulda been brought to the dressing room so that Ray, Dave and Pete could make sure they’re in tune or whatever.”
Mick nodded his understanding, but then they were interrupted by an impatient Dave, “Are you going to come and help me or not?”
“Well Mick doesn’t need to get his drum kit, you just go and find your guitar,” Stan called to the teenager.
“Oh no,” Dave moaned. “I’m not going down there on my own, you guys come with me!”
“I’m coming,” Mick said obligingly, and made his way to where Dave was just opening the trapdoor. “Are you coming Stan?”
“I’ll come and ‘elp ya both in a minute okay,” Stan said, suddenly sounding in a hurry, I just need to take care of something outside.”
Stan left, leaving the two members of the Kinks to climb down the dark steps, being careful to remember to leave the trap door open, as was sensible of course, the light from the corridor above shone down the steps so they were able to see where they were going, however as they got further down, it got darker and harder to see in front of them, “Shame Stan didn’t have a torch he could give us,” Mick sighed as he climbed down behind Dave.
“Hey, here’s a light switch,” Dave said, relieved, and flipped the red switch just at the bottom of the stone steps, and the basement was suddenly filled with light.
“Well spotted Dave,” Mick giggled in that sweet way he always did, making Dave blush at the mere sound of his voice, so much so that he could not look the drummer in the eye.
Dave tried to concentrate on what he was looking for, his guitar, which had better be in here or woe betide everyone, especially Stan.
The two looked around the large basement, which seemed quite clean and dry and full of interesting things; there were other guitars there, and amplifiers, but Dave did not care about any of that, he just wanted his own guitar. Then Mick spotted his own drum kit, which could not be missed anyway because it had the band’s name and slogan on the base, so that was one less thing to worry about, but where was Dave’s guitar? Dave looked all around the other side of Mick’s drum kit, and he made what could only be described as a squeak of delight as he found his beloved Flying V electric guitar, he picked it up and did not care what Mick thought as he hugged the guitar that he was afraid a few minutes ago he would never see again.
“Well that’s a relief,” Mick sighed happily. “Now come on, let’s get out of here and get ready for going on stage.”
“Yeah good idea,” Dave agreed. “We’ve wasted enough time already.”
The two were just about to make their way back up the stairs when suddenly, they heard a loud bang from above. To their horror, someone had closed the trapdoor. Dave ran up the steps and made to open it up again, but to his horror, it was stuck fast!
“Mick, Mick,” Dave called out. “It’s locked, we can’t get out!”
“What? Surely not!” Mick cried, rushing up the steps to try and help Dave open it again. “Don’t be silly, they wouldn’t just lock it...I mean, we left it open didn’t we so surely they would know that there’s someone down here.”
“LET US OUT!” Dave cried in a panic, his day was not turning out very well, first his guitar was missing, and now someone had locked him in a basement with Mick...was that such a bad thing though? He began to wonder.
“Dave, Dave it’s okay,” Mick said soothingly. “Hey tell you what, someone will come down here when they come to get my drum kit...and...and Stan said he was going to come back soon.”
Dave looked at his band mate and realised Mick was right, of course they would only be trapped down there for a few minutes; there was no need to panic, and besides, at least he was not down there all by himself. Dave sighed and made his way back down the steps, what could he do with himself? He supposed he could tune his guitar while he and Mick were waiting to be rescued, even though it would not have a very good sound not being plugged into the amplifier, but Ray could not complain of him wasting any time when he could get one thing out of the way. So he picked up his guitar again and began to tune it. There was nothing for Mick to do but sit on a nearby amplifier and listen to him.
Dave was lost in his thoughts while tuning, but when, after a few minutes he decided it was tuned to his liking. He remembered Mick was there with him and his heart began racing and butterflies were fluttering like crazy inside him. He looked up at the drummer, who smiled at him gently, and Dave’s heart skipped a beat once again and he felt shaky.
“You play well,” Mick said to him kindly.
Dave did not know whether Mick meant what he said or he just wanted to make a conversation, but he thought it polite to answer, “Thank you.”
Mick got up from the amplifier he was sitting on and made his way to where Dave was, as the drummer sat next to him, Dave could smell that amazing, ethereal scent that Mick had always had around him, it clouded Dave’s thinking.
“Hope we don’t have to wait too long,” Mick sighed. “It’s already been a few minutes.”
“Yeah,” Dave agreed, still feeling shaky. “Well they’ll notice us missing anyway won’t they, so they’ll come looking for us, and don’t forget Stan knew that we were coming down here to look for our stuff.”
“I expect Ray and Pete will laugh when they found out we were locked down here,” Mick said, a small laugh escaping him.
“Ray most certainly will, with it being me,” Dave grumbled. “I expect it would cheer him up if I come out of here looking angry, but I guess finding my guitar cheered me up.”
“Yeah, me too,” Mick agreed. “I mean, I’m glad my drums are safe and sound.”
Dave looked at the drummer, he noticed Mick’s voice still sounded very sad, there were so many things that Dave had wanted to tell him for so long, but was now a good time?
“So...how are you feeling?” Dave found himself asking.
“What, about being stuck down here?” Mick answered, and Dave was sure that the drummer knew that it was not what he meant. “Same as you probably, although I think I was a bit more calm about it.”
“I didn’t mean that,” Dave said, looking into Mick’s eyes. “And I think you know.”
“Do I?” Mick said, a little awkwardly. “Oh.”
“I mean, about Peter,” Dave said, making Mick move awkwardly away, Dave knew the drummer did not want to talk about it, so he added. “I’m...I’m sorry Mick, that’s none of my business...and...and I think, maybe...that people should have the freedom to love who they want to, but…”
“But what?” Mick suddenly looked at Dave with widened eyes at the last thing Dave had said.
Dave sighed, “I don’t know Mick, things have been so awkward and weird for me for such a long time and I’ve not been able to talk to anyone about anything.”
“What do you mean?” Mick asked him. “I mean, when you say a long time, how long exactly and why?”
“How long?” Dave almost cried. “For as long as...you’ve been with us!”
There was a short silence, then Mick responded, “I...I don’t understand Dave. All I know is that for some reason you’ve been pretty horrible to me ever since I joined the group and I really don’t know why and while we’ve got the chance, while it’s just you and me, I want to know. I'm begging you please. If you’ve not been horrible to me, you’ve been avoiding me like the plague and I don’t even know what it is that I’ve done wrong, and I know it has nothing to do with what happened with Peter because it was going on longer than that, way before he even arrived on the scene!”
“OH FUCK MICK, FUCK!” Dave cried, standing up and pacing around like he had no idea what to do, he did not know then whether he should just come out with it now or forever keep quiet. “IT’S WHAT YOU’VE DONE TO ME!”
Dave sat back down and held his head in his hands, Mick placed his hand on the younger boy’s shoulder, “Talk to me Dave, what have I done to you exactly? As far as I can see I have done nothing but try to be nice to you from the moment we met.”
“Yeah sure,” Dave said, lifting his head up and sighing in frustration. “You have tried to be nice to me, but I could never bring myself to try to be nice back because...because I was too afraid of my own feelings to ever get close to you, don’t you see?”
Dave was unsure of whether it was right to say all of those things, because Mick had a look that said maybe he knew what Dave was talking about, but was waiting for Dave to say what it was himself, “Go on,” the drummer said quietly. “What is it that you want me to see?”
“I’ve always been sure of what I wanted out of life Mick,” Dave explained. “Always, never doubted for a minute who I was, until the very moment I saw you. That was when I began to question everything about myself and who I was, and what I wanted. I was hoping it would go away after a while.”
“You were hoping...what would go away?” Mick asked, who looked to Dave as if he was half intrigued and half afraid of what the answer might be.
“Ever since I was a boy,” Dave said. “I’ve liked women...I’ve always liked women, I am sure of that...but now…” Dave trailed off, he did not know how to end this sentence.
“But now...what?” Mick asked, looking into his eyes.
That was when Dave could resist no longer, Mick’s beautiful eyes, green as emeralds, were looking into his, just waiting for an answer. That was when Dave decided that actions spoke louder than words; he took hold of Mick’s face, leaned in, and kissed his soft lips. Mick did not try to stop him. They were the most beautiful lips Dave had ever kissed, they were softer and warmer than any lips he had ever kissed before, none of the girls he had kissed compared to Mick, not by a long shot.
Dave suddenly realised what he was doing and quickly pulled away, gasped as he realised he had just done something he had wanted to do from the moment he set eyes on the beautiful drummer...but had he done the right thing or had he gone too far?
“Oh...oh my...fuck...I’m so sorry Mick. I...I shouldn’t have done that...I...I…” Dave could say no more, because Mick grabbed him and kissed him back, this time, the kiss was more intense, more passionate, more fierce. Dave could taste Mick’s beautiful mouth, the taste was so divine to Dave that he could find no words to describe it. In that moment, they were the only two people in the world and they were completely lost in each other. Mick wrapped his arms around Dave, and Dave did the same with Mick and they held each other close and enjoyed the most passionate embrace that either of them had ever experienced. In that one moment, Dave knew he belonged with Mick, Dave knew he was born to love Mick, and only Mick.
For Mick, the kiss from Dave had come completely out of the blue, but now the drummer realised that everything that had happened, and everything Dave had said and done since they met, Dave’s behaviour in general all made sense to him now. The boy had been frightened, paranoid, frustrated by his own feelings, those feelings had been scaring him and what’s more, those feelings were forbidden by law.
That must have been why he had behaved the way he did, it was not an excuse, but it was a reason, and now Mick thought they could work it out somehow, now he knew in that moment that Dave Davies had been acting like such an idiot because he was in love with him. Mick realised something too, he loved Dave and never realised it. All along he had felt so hurt by Dave’s attitude because he wanted Dave to be kind to him, he wanted Dave to be his friend if nothing else. If he had not loved Dave so much then, he would have done exactly what Ray and Pete had advised him and taken no notice whenever Dave was rude to him.
Mick had thought Peter Noone gorgeous, there was no doubt about that, and he had to really have self control not to sleep with the blond teenager the night they had met, but Peter had only been a distraction from Dave and the stress of the band. Mick realised it now, he had only shown interest in Peter because he assumed that Dave did not want to know him and at the time, he never dreamed that Dave would feel that way towards him. The penny really only dropped now that he and Dave were kissing, they were together and they were in love, but what was next?
After a few minutes of passionate kissing, they both broke away, completely breathless and now they did not know what to say to each other. It was Mick who finally spoke first.
“Wow,” he said. “Does...does this mean that…”
“I...don’t know, I hope so,” Dave replied. “Fuck I’ve wanted to do that for so long, in fact, come to think of it, I’ve wanted to do it from the very moment I laid eyes on you, when Ray introduced you to me, and you know what Mick, it was even more beautiful than I imagined it would be...can...can I kiss you again?”
Dave leaned forward, wanting to taste Mick again, but Mick gently stopped him, “Wait,” the drummer said. “Yes...I loved it too but...Dave, we need to talk about this.”
“What’s to talk about?” Dave asked, then sighed deeply before saying. “I love you.”
Mick smiled, “And I love you too, I really do but...don’t forget...the band. We can’t pretend this kind of thing doesn’t have consequences. I mean, what will your brother think? What will he say? What will he do?”
“Oh fuck my brother and fuck everyone else, fuck the world, fuck everything!” Dave exclaimed. “Mick I’ve never been more certain of anything else in my life, you are the one I want, I love you more than anything, nothing else matters to me anymore.”
“But it does,” Mick reasoned. “Dave, it’s against the law; we could go to prison for two years if we’re found out. We may love each other but we can’t pretend everything’s going to be all right if someone found out about us. I doubt we’d be allowed to stay in the group, it could ruin the Kinks for a start. It could ruin everything we’ve worked so hard to achieve with the band.”
“I know,” Dave agreed. “I know what the consequences could be, I’ve thought about it and even fought against it for such a long time but...Mick, the fact remains, I love you. In fact, I’ve never felt like this for anyone before, not like this. You are the only one I’ve ever loved, the only one I will ever love.”
“You mean it?” Mick asked, looking deep into Dave’s pale blue eyes. “You truly mean it and you would risk everything to be with me?”
“Yes!” Dave answered straight away.
“No I’m serious Dave,” Mick pointed out. “You love your band I know you do, it’s what you’ve always wanted.”
“No, it’s what I thought I’d always wanted Mick,” Dave said. “That is until I met you, then I knew for certain what I really wanted, it took me a long time to get my head round it, that’s why I behaved like such an idiot a lot of the time. Yes, I love playing with this band, even if I have to work with my stupid brother for the time being until something better comes along but...my real love is you Mick, I see that now, and if you will have me, I’m all yours. I would gladly give up the Kinks to be with you and I’m not just saying that!”
“But you are very young Dave,” Mick pointed out. “How do I know your feelings for me are not going to change in a few years...or even sooner than that, a few months? Because I don’t want to be hurt, and I’ve had enough hurt in my life as it is, I’ve seen too much far too soon in my twenty years on this planet.”
Dave took hold of Mick’s head and held it in his hands, “Mick, there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you, not a thing on earth. I would even walk away from everyone I loved if it meant I could be with you, I would gladly give up anything, you name it, I will do it.”
Mick smiled as he saw that in that moment, Dave was serious, “I see,” he whispered. “Then you and I have some serious thinking to do, are we going to keep seeing each other, I mean keep having moments like this?”
“If that’s what you want,” Dave said. “I will do things however you want.”
“Then how can I say no to you?” Mick smiled. “We are going to have to keep things a secret though, you know that don’t you?”
“I suppose so yes,” Dave whispered with love in his eyes. “But as long as we can be together.”
“We take things slowly yeah?” Mick said, raising his eyebrows.
“Of course,” Dave agreed. “Mick, we need to really get to know each other; we’ve wasted so much time already, it must be getting on for a year since we met.”
“I won’t argue a lot of this year’s been wasted when it comes to you and me,” Mick agreed. “We should at least have become friends, so we have a lot of making up to do that’s for sure.”
Just then they heard a sound coming from the trap door they had been stuck under for goodness knows how long, someone had obviously come to rescue them, or had come looking for them. Then light flooded in down the dark steps and a voice called from above, “Mick, Dave! Are you down there?”
The two rushed to the bottom of the steps to see who it was, and it was Stan, looking very worried, “Oh my gawd you two, how did you manage to get trapped in here? I came back in to help you and someone had put a massive box right on top of this trap door, I had a right job moving it.”
“Ah, so that’s why we couldn’t get out!” Mick laughed.
“Did you find your guitar Dave?” Stan asked.
“I did thanks,” Dave said, looking happier than he had when Stan had last seen him, but then Stan assumed it must be because he had found his guitar, though it was strange that neither of them seemed angry or upset at being locked in a basement for fifteen minutes or longer.
“Are you two all right?” Stan asked. “I mean, it must have been pretty scary being trapped down there, I mean I know I’d be scared shitless and you could have been down there a lot longer if no-one knew you were there.”
“Don’t worry about us Stan,” Mick assured the roadie with a friendly wink. “We’re fine, in fact we’ve never been better.”
“All right then,” Stan said, satisfied when he felt everything was fine. “You guys had best go and get yourselves ready; it’s nearly time to go and knock ‘em dead out there.”
So ‘knock ‘em dead’ they did, with both Mick and Dave giving the best performance they had given in all the time they had been in the band because now, they were playing and for once, neither of them were putting on that exhausting display of happiness that they had been doing for most of the other performances in the past. Now they could go on playing with the band knowing that each loved the other very deeply. Yes, things would not be easy and no, for a very long time they would not be able to talk openly about their love, but they both held onto the belief that in the end, love is stronger than hate and love conquers all.
The Kinks performance of Tired of waiting for you was a huge success and had the audience screaming. One line in particular made Dave smile; I was a lonely soul, I had nobody til I met you... and when Ray sang that line, Dave turned his head to look at Mick briefly to let him know that he was thinking of him with those words, because they were so fitting. Dave had been lonely, in fact even before he had met Mick, he had always been lonely without realising it. He had never truly been happy, not really, not until now.
As the song ended, the Kinks bowed to their audience, who screamed loud and cheered with their approval and praise and oh how they wanted more from this band. They heard Shindig ’s presenter, Jimmy say something that sounded like, “And they’re singin’ all right, those are the Kinks and they’ll be back!”
Of course! They had another song to do right after the short break, and they had better be ready. Dave knew he was never more ready for anything than he was now, not only was he ready for a real adventure with the Kinks, but he was ready for the time of his life, his time with the band and even better than that, his time with his beautiful Mick who he had wanted so badly for so long and now Mick was his. Dave would never feel lonely or left out again now that he had Mick by his side and now that he knew Mick loved him back.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hz64hWng2vM Here is the Kinks' performance of 'Tired of Waiting for you' on Shindig.
Notes:
I hope you enjoyed this chapter, I was told no improvement was needed on it but any feed back and constructive criticism is appreciated. I am hoping now that Mick and Dave are finally together that I can focus a bit more on Ray who does not have a girlfriend yet but he will soon.
Chapter 14
Summary:
Mick meets a new member of his adopted family, he also writes about everything that has happened in his secret diary.
Notes:
I really can't believe how far I have actually come with this story, and I was very reluctant to write it and never thought I would but here I am now and I still believe it is going to be a real epic. This chapter is fairly mild with nothing particularly adult or explicit in it but be prepared for some passionate sex in the next few chapters to come.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Both Mick and Dave were quite certain there was no way either Ray, Pete or their managers could possibly suspect anything was going on between them. They knew they had to be careful, but apart from the fact neither of them had girlfriends, and the fact that Dave’s attitude towards Mick had changed considerably and it was quite noticeable, they were both sure nobody had anything to prove that they were in a secret relationship. Despite their frustration at having to hide their love from the world and from the people around them, the love they felt for one another was so strong and deep that they knew it was something worth holding on to.
Dave was happy for the rest of the band’s time in America, and although this was a good thing because it meant less Davies fights, it did puzzle Ray and Pete a fair bit. What was more puzzling was the way Dave was being so much nicer to Mick, very nice in fact.
Ray pointed this out to Pete as they were packing the rest of their belongings ready for their long flight back home to London.
“My brother’s been delightful these past few weeks have you noticed?” Ray said to his friend.
Pete smiled as he folded a shirt and placed it into his suitcase, “I have to admit, yes you're right,” he replied. “Dave’s changed a hell of a lot while we’ve been away; he’s much more pleasant, so much so I hardly know him.”
“But why do you think it is?” Ray asked rhetorically. “I mean, I’m not saying it’s a bad thing but...has he met some bird he hasn’t told us about?”
Pete laughed at Ray’s last comment, “Well I haven’t seen him with any girl, not while we’ve been away from home anyway, and hasn’t he always told us about his girlfriends in the past?”
“Well maybe things are different now,” Ray shrugged. “I mean think about it, he’s not had a girlfriend in a long time...you know I think it’s about a year now since he broke up with the last one and he’s been single since then, so I was thinking to myself it’s about time he got himself a new girlfriend, and the way he’s been acting lately...I think he’s in love.”
“Yeah you have a point,” Pete agreed as he zipped up his suitcase and sat down on the bed. “Thing is though we’ve been here a few weeks. We’ve been in L.A. and Chicago, now we’re in Boston and all the time we’ve been travelling he’s been the same. Whistling as he comes out of his room every morning, being polite to everyone, even you and he can’t stand you. I don’t think I’ve ever known your brother to be this happy...not really.”
“He seems to have been that way since Shindig.” Ray said with a thoughtful look. “But I mean it’s weird really because I think he’s in love with someone but...we haven’t seen him with anyone...have we?” Ray shrugged as he tried to work his brother out, then lit a cigarette, not really expecting an answer from his best friend and band mate, but he got one anyway.
“Well the only person I’ve seen him interacting with intimately is Mick,” Pete said, making Ray look at him weirdly.
“What are you trying to say?” Ray laughed. “That Dave’s in love with Mick ?”
Pete gave his friend a disbelieving look, “Er…did I say that?”
“Well...you implied it pal,” Ray stuttered. “You were talking about him whistling happily to himself and being polite to everyone, even me, and then you make some remark about how Mick’s the only one he’s really been interacting with, and you expect me not to think you’re trying to imply that my brother’s a…”
“All right all right,” Pete said, moving his hands up and down in a ‘calm down’ sort of way. “That wasn’t what I meant, all I meant was, I don’t think he’s been particularly friendly with any of the women we’ve met on our travels the past few weeks is all I’m saying. What I mean is, him and Mick seem to be getting on really nicely lately and if Dave has got a little girlfriend...well he hasn’t said anything to me about her. I expect we’ll find out sooner or later.”
“Yeah okay, maybe you’re right,” Ray chuckled, sitting on the end of the bed next to his friend. “Anyway enough of Dave, what about you? Did you manage to get in touch with Cathy?”
Pete smiled and blushed ever so slightly, “I did,” he nodded. “And she was so happy last night when I finally managed to call her; she’s thought about no-one but me it turns out.”
Ray punched his friend in the shoulder affectionately, “Nice one Pete, really happy for you. So are you seeing her as soon as we get back?”
“That’s my plan,” Pete replied, getting up off the bed and giving Ray a look that said not to ask any more questions.
“You must have missed her though,” Ray said, clearly not willing to drop the subject of Pete’s love life any time soon. “I think you were worried when we first flew out here from London; you thought she might meet someone else or something.”
“Well...to be honest no, I haven’t been worrying much,” Pete sighed, desperate to change the subject. “Because the thing is when we first flew out here, I made up my mind not to worry because...well even though I really like her and can’t wait to see her again, I have only just met her and...well I didn’t want to worry about having a broken heart over something that hasn’t even started yet. So, you know, I thought I would just...go with the flow.”
Ray blew out smoke from his mouth and nodded his understanding, “Yeah, that’s fair enough mate.”
“I have been thinking about her though,” Pete admitted. “Quite a lot, that’s why I was desperate to call her, just to see if me and her still had a chance when I got back home.”
“Well I’m happy for you,” Ray said quietly. “At least...I’m not the only member of the band who hasn’t met anyone yet; Mick hasn’t been with anyone at all since he joined us, do you think…”
“Hey don’t worry about Mick,” Pete interrupted whatever the band’s lead singer was going to say. “He’s a good looking bloke, he can find someone whenever he wants. Worry about yourself. I’d like to see you with someone Ray.”
“Yeah me too,” Ray sighed. “Thing is I’ve been kind of...well scared since Dave ruined my last relationship. Once bitten twice shy...I keep getting this paranoid feeling that Dave’s going to be out to fuck every girlfriend I ever have, it’s like…”
“Oh come on you can’t think like that,” Pete reasoned. “You can’t let memories of what Dave did spoil your chances of finding true love; I know that’s what you want Ray, you want to settle down and have a family, same as me. You’ve never been the getting laid type like Dave is...or Dave used to be, and Sharon Webb was always going to break your heart; we all knew what she was like and it took Dave to prove that.”
“It was still the ultimate betrayal,” Ray said, looking solemnly at Pete. “And I can’t forgive Dave for what he did...I just can’t.”
“I know my friend,” Pete said soothingly, sitting down on the bed with Ray again. “But once you’ve met that special girl, things will be different for you.”
“Well she’s out there somewhere Pete,” Ray murmured with a far away look, and when I find her, I’ll just know, it will hit me like...BAM!” Ray punched his hand with his fist and he and Pete both laughed together.
“That’s the spirit Ray old boy,” Pete laughed, patting his friend on the shoulder. “Now come on, let’s get our things and get some breakfast before we have to leave.”
In another hotel room a few doors down, Dave and Mick were curled up on a single bed together, slightly cramped but they did not care, because all Dave wanted to do was spend time really getting to know the drummer.
Dave would have fucked Mick as soon as he got the chance, but Mick did not want to rush anything. In fact the very night they had got together, Mick had made it clear that sex was out of the question until they had been together at least a few months, because he just wanted to take things slowly. Dave, who wanted to make Mick happy more than anything, respected his boyfriend’s wishes. It did not matter because now that he and Mick were finally talking, Dave found he enjoyed his company so much, more than any company he had ever been in before.
The two had spent the rest of their time in America just escaping whenever they could, telling one another about their lives, about their childhoods and their families.
Dave told Mick everything he could remember, about growing up in Muswell Hill, about his sisters and the fun they had. He even opened up about the death of Mary, which he never had done before to anyone else, not even his mother and she was the one he always went to whenever he had a problem, though he did admit to Mick that for most of his life he had been his mother’s favourite and he always used that to his advantage and he had always been a spoilt brat and at times he still was, but he convinced Mick that he was learning now that it was wrong and that he was finally growing up, though Mick was not sure if he believed Dave when he told him it was through meeting him that made him change his ways.
Mick had also told Dave of his own childhood, but only the parts from age thirteen and up, when he was taken into care and meeting Steve who he now considered his brother. Mick did not yet wish to talk about what happened before that, so Dave did not push him, but he enjoyed Mick’s many stories of the antics he and Steve got up to, though Mick insisted that Steve was the one who enticed him into these little adventures which often got the two of them in trouble.
The two had finished packing their bags hours ago, and now they just wanted to cuddle up while they still had a little time before leaving. They were just relaxed with their heads on the pillow, Dave had his head resting on Mick’s shoulder, and Mick had his arms around the younger man. Mick stroked Dave’s hair gently, and the teenager kissed the drummer’s neck and inhaled the beautiful scent of the young man he had wanted for so long; truly Mick was the most amazing creature he had ever laid eyes on.
“Hey Dave, I was just thinking,” Mick said softly, not wanting to disturb the peace that was around them.
Dave looked up at his boyfriend, “What were you thinking baby?”
“When we get home, I hope you and I are going to see each other more. I mean, not just for band stuff.”
Dave sat up and looked at Mick as if the drummer had grown another head, “Well of course you numpty,” he answered rolling his eyes. “You and I are together now, of course I want to see you outside of the band!”
Mick smiled at the guitarist lovingly, “I’m glad, I just...I know we’ve barely been apart these past few weeks and I understand you’ll want to spend time with your family.”
“Well yeah of course; I’ve missed them, they’ve missed me, especially Mum.”
“I understand that,” Mick smiled serenely, making Dave’s heart melt with love for him. “I just hope that...you might make time for me at some point.”
Dave kissed Mick gently on the lips...oh how Dave loved those lips, so soft, moist and warm, they made his stomach flutter, they made him feel aroused and he felt he wanted to undress the drummer there and then, but he knew he must behave. Dave pulled away from the kiss, took hold of Mick’s hand and laced their fingers together, “You know I will always have time for you, how could I not? You’re all I’ve been able to think about from the moment I met you and you know that.”
“I do know that,” Mick said softly. “And I return your feelings completely, I just don’t want to get hurt.”
“You won’t,” Dave reassured him. “I promise you that. I love you Michael Charles Avory with all of my heart and soul and always will.”
Mick sat up when he heard Dave use his full name; he had not been called that in years, “How...how did you know my full name?”
“Er...I saw it on your passport,” Dave replied, blushing. “I just had a quick look when you were getting a shower...er, hope you don’t mind but you left it on the bedside cabinet. It’s a lovely name it really is. Why on earth would you want to be called Mick?”
“I do prefer Mick to be honest,” Mick explained laying down again. “Michael reminds me too much of…”
“Of what?” Dave asked with great curiosity when the drummer trailed off.
Mick sighed, “Please don’t make me talk about it.”
Dave did not know what to say to that, he just went silent for a few seconds, then he noticed the man he loved look a little upset as he sat up and got off the bed, then paced up and down with his hands in his hair, “Mick are you okay?” Dave asked. “Have I upset you?”
Mick looked at Dave and ran his hands through his hair uneasily, “No of course not Dave my love, I’m sorry it’s not your fault,” the drummer’s voice sounded a little shaky. “You’ve done nothing wrong...not really. What you said was lovely, I love you very much too and I hope we work out I really do but...I try so hard to forget what happened to me. I try to focus on all the good things in my life, meeting Steve, living with him and Rachel who treated me like a son and still does, being in this band...being with you...but still…”
Dave got up from the bed and placed his arms around Mick, “Can’t you talk to me Mick? You can tell me anything, I won’t tell anyone else I promise.”
“Oh Dave,” Mick pulled his boyfriend into a hug. “I’m so glad I met you.”
“Me too,” Dave said, holding Mick and not wanting to let go, and as Dave held him, he once again breathed in Mick’s gorgeous scent which he was beginning to find addictive. “Mmm...but I don’t want you to feel you have to keep anything from me, I’m here for you. I love you.”
Mick looked into Dave’s eyes, and Dave noticed Mick was welling up with tears, and it broke his heart, “I love you too, but not now. I don’t feel strong enough to talk about it just yet.”
Dave did not want to upset Mick further by pushing him into talking before he was ready so he nodded and said, “That’s okay, you don’t have to, but I hope one day you will trust me enough to tell me everything.”
Mick smiled and kissed Dave gently, “Thank you for understanding Dave.”
So the boys soon returned to London, and for three weeks they had time to spend with their families. Pete wanted to see his parents in Devon, but he decided to make Cathy a priority because all the time he had been away with the Kinks, she was all he could think of.
The bass player called his mother as soon as he returned home and explained that although he wanted to see them all, she had to understand that he needed to spend time with this new girl. Luckily Mrs Quaife was fine with Pete’s decision to push back his visit home, and she lovingly told her son that if things worked out with Cathy, she was looking forward to meeting her.
Relieved that his mother was so understanding, Pete then called Cathy’s number, and was so happy to hear the excited voice of the Ready Steady Go presenter, because that meant she wanted to see him just as much as he did her.
Pete smiled to himself after hanging up the phone; he had arranged to meet Cathy at a pub later that evening. It was so nice to have a female companion after such a long time. Pete decided there and then he was going to make her his girlfriend officially before too long, then when that was sorted, he would worry about finding girls for all his band mates, especially Ray.
Pete was not normally one to play matchmaker, but he wanted to see the rest of the Kinks happily settled with someone special, after all it was not good to be alone for too long and Pete felt they all had been single long enough. He hoped that he would be able to go out again with Ray sometime, in the hope that his best friend might come across Miss Right. After Dave had ruined Ray’s last relationship, Ray had been reluctant to try and find anyone at all and Pete felt it was about time that changed.
Pete was even more worried about Mick and Dave for the simple reason that their behaviour was very strange. Dave had always been a ladies man, and Pete remembered how the teenager never stayed with the same girl for very long; the lad just seemed to get bored easily.
Pete hated the way Dave used to treat girls at times, sleeping with them and then after a few weeks discarding them in favour of someone else and it made Pete angry. The bass player always refused to accept the excuse that it was just a part of growing up for Dave.
Pete had known Dave for a long time now and the change in his behaviour was very puzzling. Dave had never been without a girlfriend from the day Pete had met the younger Davies brother and then suddenly, the girlfriends had stopped. Pete puzzled over this as he relaxed on his sofa, he supposed that maybe Dave was growing up a little, and maybe he wanted to pay more attention to the band. There could be a number of reasons why the boy had not been dating for a very long time, but still it was odd.
Mick on the other hand gave Pete a different cause for concern; although he loved the drummer dearly because he was sweet, gentle and never had a bad word to say about anyone, Mick never seemed to show any interest in pulling birds. Pete did not necessarily think this was a bad thing; it was great that Mick had some standards and it was also great that the drummer had not let his gorgeous looks go to his head, but was this the image that Robert Wace was going to want them to have?
Pete shook himself out of his thoughts and decided he had more important things to worry about at present, such as his date with the lovely Cathy in a few hours time. So he decided to worry about his band mates another day when he had sorted his own love life out first.
The Kinks’ bass player jumped off his sofa and made his way into his bedroom to decide what to wear for his date, he hoped he could find something suitable because he really wanted to impress this girl and he felt that the way a man dressed said a lot about his personality. It was going to be tricky but for Cathy McGowan, Pete was going to make every effort.
Dave was happier than he had been in a long time...no, he was happier than he had been all his life. The young guitarist could find no words that described how he felt now that he finally had what he had been longing for since around this time last year. He had finally won Mick Avory’s heart and he had finally found someone he would never want to break from, cheat on or separate himself from and no-one had ever made him feel this way before. Now Dave knew at long last why he had not been able to form a lasting relationship with any of the girls he had been with. He had actually lost count how many girlfriends he had had, yet he knew that none of them had ever made him feel like this. Every time Mick entered the room, the drummer’s presence took Dave’s breath away.
Dave did not want to be away from Mick for longer than he had to; he had barely left the drummer’s side for all their time in America. So now he wanted Mick to be with him all the time. Dave wanted Mick to come and live with him, and he wanted to go back to the flat he had been living in before now that he had someone to share it with. Dave had been unable to cope with living by himself and so moving back in with his mum and dad seemed to be a sensible option, but things were different now, because he had his beautiful Mick, and all he had to do was to persuade the drummer that they should move in together.
Dave was sitting on his bed at his parents’ home in Muswell Hill. Although he had missed his family, being with Mick was more important to Dave than anything else, and so before he had temporarily parted ways with his secret boyfriend, Dave had quickly scribbled his address on a piece of paper and given it to Mick, asking him to come over and see him the next day because he wanted to talk to him.
Mick had told Dave he wanted to spend a little time with Steve first because he had not seen his beloved brother in weeks, but he promised to be over in the afternoon.
Dave could not wait to see Mick again, because although they had been together nearly every day while the band were away, Dave was missing him already. It was strange because with his girlfriends in the past he had never had a problem saying goodnight to them or not seeing them for a few days, but being separated from Mick was a different feeling entirely and Dave was not sure he liked it one bit. Not having his beautiful Mick with him was like having a part of him missing. Dave sat on his bed wondering if this kind of feeling was healthy, but healthy or not, he felt he needed to see Mick very soon or he would die. He certainly hoped that he could survive the night feeling this empty; it was an emptiness that had begun as soon as he and Mick had gone to their separate homes, which was why Dave was determined to do something about that as soon as possible.
Mick was feeling just as sad when he returned to the place he had called home since he was thirteen; being in love was great, but not being able to talk about it to anyone, not even your closest friend was agony.
Mick had begun to have feelings for Dave a few months after joining the band, yet he never fully realised this until the moment Dave kissed him. Now everything made sense; the reason Dave had been so rude, so snappy, and so horrible was because the teenager had been at war with himself, he had hated himself for his own feelings and was clearly blaming Mick for them.
It concerned Mick that Dave was only seventeen and he himself was twenty. No, three years did not seem like a very big age gap, it was just the fact that Dave was still legally a child. Then even when Dave did come of age, there was no way anyone could find out about their love. Mick sighed as he dumped his luggage on the bedroom floor. It was so unfair, and Mick sometimes wished he and Dave could escape into a world where no-one would judge them for their love, maybe there was a world where their love would even be celebrated. No such luck; there was no such place, and if there was, it would only ever be in Mick’s imagination, and he and Dave were stuck in a world of compulsory heterosexuality. At times like this, the only thing for Mick to do was write in his diary how he was feeling.
The drummer rummaged in his suitcase for his diary; he had been in the habit of keeping one since Rachel had given him his first journal not long after he had come to live with her. She told him it was good to write down everything he was feeling because it was a great way of dealing with the traumas he had suffered prior to being taken into care.
Writing down all his thoughts and feelings certainly kept Mick sane, he just hoped to God that no-one would come across any of the diaries he had written in over the years because a lot of the things he had written were very dark, but there was a lot of happy, light-hearted things in it too.
The main reason Mick was afraid of someone reading his diaries was because many times he had written down the feelings he had for men rather than women. Yet Mick did not see any reason why he should not write it down, because Rachel had told him he could write down anything he wanted and no-one would ever know, though she advised her ward that he should probably keep the book somewhere safe where he was sure that no-one could find it. After Mick had filled up his first diary almost six years ago, he used his weekly pocket money to buy a new one because by then he was addicted to writing down all his thoughts and all the things he and Steve got up to, from exploring the woods to blood adopting one another. There had been so many things Mick had written down and he had actually lost count how many diaries he had filled up and how many ink cartridges he had got through.
Mick found his black, leather bound diary and put it on his desk that was opposite his bed, he had many memories of doing his homework on that desk, and many memories of journaling before he went to bed.
Mick sat down and opened the diary, and he read his last entry which he had written in the hotel room he had been sharing with Dave while the band were in Boston; it was not very long, but it was enough for him to know that he must never let anyone see it. Mick knew it was dangerous for him to put such things in writing but he could never help himself.
25th September 1964
Dave and I are in love and it’s so unfair we have to hide it from Ray, Pete and everyone else but I am so happy we are sharing a room, after all I don’t think there is any reason for the boys to suspect anything. I just love how Dave and I get the chance to talk while the band are not doing anything and I’m so glad he has finally admitted his feelings for me. It’s going to be so hard when Ray and Pete go out because if they ask us to come along, they are going to be expecting us all to ‘pull birds’. Robert gets annoyed how none of us seem to want to bring girls to our hotel rooms and ‘act like real men should’ but it’s not in my nature, and to be honest I don’t think either Ray or Pete are the type of guys to be sleeping around with any girl they can. Both of them seem like real gentlemen who are looking for that ‘one special girl’. I think Pete might have found someone already because he told me a few days ago he’s always thinking about Cathy, so I hope she deserves him. Dave and I have been so happy these past few days, I wish we could just tell people but it’s not likely Robert would accept it, he’s always going on about ‘queers’ and how he ‘always knows one when he sees one’, but boy is he wrong. Still I’m going to make the most of the time I have alone with Dave, but I don’t want to do anything with him for a while, I think we ought to wait until he turns 18 at least but that won’t be until February next year and I don’t think Dave can wait that long.
Mick smiled as he read his last entry, then his heart sank as he thought of the dilemma he and Dave were in and the trouble he himself would be in if their relationship was exposed; even if he did not go to jail, it would be unlikely that he would be allowed to stay in the band, and he was unsure what Dave’s fate would be. So once again he had to get his feelings down in writing, here was what he wrote.
30th September 1964
So now I’m back home and am looking forward to when Steve comes home from work because he has been really looking forward to me coming home and he wants to hear everything I got up to while I was away, but it breaks my heart that I can’t tell my lovely brother about Dave and how happy he makes me. Steve would never understand I’m quite sure of it, he seems so innocent and I am fairly sure he doesn’t know that a man can sometimes be attracted to other men. I am going to have to just tell him how my trip to America went and leave out the most wonderful part. It’s just not fair but I don’t want Steve to see that anything is bothering me because he will want to know what it is and we have always told each other everything...it makes me so sad that my feelings for other men and my love for Dave is the one thing I have to hide from Steve. Still, it’s for the best, I don’t want my brother worrying about me so when he comes home in a couple of hours I will put on my happy face for him and tell him all about my time away. He was so excited when I told him me and the band were going to America and he said that one day he hoped to go there with his band too. He apparently meets up with this new friend of his, Ronnie Lane just about every day when he has finished work and Rachel told me on the phone a few nights ago that Steve has a whole group of new friends that keep him entertained while I’m not around. I’m pleased for Steve because I would hate to think of him being lonely without me but I hope these friends are a good influence on him, Ronnie seemed nice when I met him but I don’t know him yet so I just hope he is good for Steve. I’m missing Dave really bad now even though we have only been parted for a few hours, he told me his mum and dad don’t have a phone yet so I just wish I had thought to give him our phone number here so he can call me from a phone box, I think I will do that when I go over and see him tomorrow afternoon, but he says he is going to get his mum and dad a telephone soon now that the band are starting to make money. It’s a shame I can’t see Dave until the afternoon but Steve has the day off tomorrow so it’s only fair I spend time with him, the only problem is I think Steve may want us to spend the whole day together and telling him I’m going to see Dave will be tricky and I hope Steve doesn’t get funny about it because I’ve been with Dave and the rest of the band for weeks. Still I did promise Dave I would see him tomorrow so that’s what I will do, I will tell Steve that Dave’s mum invited me over for tea or something and that should do it. Oh what’s that? I heard someone come in the front door downstairs, I will just go and see who it is.
As Mick was writing, he heard someone come in the front door; he was not expecting Steve back until later this evening when the boy had finished work so he thought perhaps it might be Rachel who had told him she was just going to the shop for a few groceries and would not be too long.
Mick closed his diary and hid it in his small trunk that he kept locked under his bed, and he always kept the key to the truck with the rest of his keys.
As Mick made his way downstairs, he decided he would put the kettle on and make Rachel a cup of tea because she always worked so hard and got little thanks, at least that was what he thought.
The drummer got to the bottom of the stairs expecting to see Rachel, but instead got a surprise when instead, he saw a young girl in a school uniform who had just taken her coat off and was hanging it up. Mick recognised the uniform as the same grey one that he and Steve used to wear. The girl looked at him and gasped in alarm when she realised she was not alone.
“Oh...sorry sweetie,” Mick said kindly. “Didn’t mean to scare you but...who are you? Rachel said she had a couple of new kids come and stay with her but never mentioned any names.”
“I know you!” The young girl (who was very pretty but looked not much older than thirteen...or fourteen at the most, Mick thought). “You’re Mick, one of the Kinks! Rachel told me all about you, she said you’re lovely,” the girl looked Mick up and down for a second as if in complete awe of him, making Mick suddenly feel just a little self conscious, and then she added, “she isn’t wrong there, because you do seem lovely...and...and even more good looking than when I saw you on Top of the pops that time!”
“Well...thank you sweetheart,” Mick replied, feeling himself going red at such a lovely compliment. “But, what’s your name?”
“Amy,” the girl replied in answer to Mick’s question. “I’m so happy to have finally met you Mick, even though I’m shaking like hell to think I’m actually standing here talking to you...and you live in the same house too, I’d better make the most of it.”
“Why don’t you come in the kitchen and tell me about yourself Amy?” Mick smiled, feeling he ought to get to know his new ‘sister’ because he felt he had a duty of care to all of Rachel’s other foster children. Mick knew what it was like to be new to this place and although Amy seemed cheerful enough, especially because she had met him , there must be quite a serious reason behind her staying here.
Amy began untying the plaits of her dark brown hair and smiled sweetly at him, and Mick was worried it was a flirty kind of smile but he ignored this and asked her to come and help him make the tea for when Rachel got back.
“Sure,” Amy agreed. “We do kind of need to get to know each other if...you do still live here right?”
“I do for now,” Mick answered her as they made their way into the kitchen together. “But I’ve decided I’m old enough to be looking for a place of my own now, though when I do move out I will always be visiting here so you’ll still see me.”
“That’s good to know,” Amy said as they entered the large kitchen. “From what Rachel’s told me, you, Steve and Julie are the most trustworthy people she knows, but for some reason she seems to have a real soft spot for you...I think I can understand why.”
Not for the first time, Mick felt himself blushing as he often did when he heard nice things being said about him, “Really, is that what she said?” He asked as he filled the kettle with water and placed it on the stove.
“Well it’s more the way she talks about you,” Amy said as she ran her fingers through her long dark hair after taking out the hair bobbles that were holding her plaits together, Mick noticed what pretty hair she had as she shook it all loose and then began to take off her school tie and undid the top button of her white blouse and then pulled out her blouse so it hung over her short skirt, and Mick hoped this display was not all for him. “She loves Steve and his sister, but she seems to talk about you with the most affection.”
Mick smiled and lit the gas on the hob to boil the water in the kettle.
“Oh I’m sure that’s not true,” Mick laughed awkwardly, then to change the subject, he added, “hey Amy, why don’t you get some biscuits and put them on a plate, do you know where they’re kept?”
“I do indeed,” Amy said. “I sometimes sneak one when nobody’s looking.”
“Well that’s a bit naughty,” Mick chuckled. “Steve used to do exactly the same thing, steal biscuits and take them out to the tree house.”
“Oh he still does,” Amy said, taking a plate from the cupboard and opening the biscuit tin. “Oh great, there’s still some lovely chocolate ones left, my favourite.”
“So have you seen the tree house then?” Mick asked the school girl. “Me and Steve built that together a few years ago.”
“Oh yes I have, it’s lovely, you did a great job building that,” Amy complimented him. “Never been up there though, I think I’m a bit old to be playing in a tree house now.” Amy winked at the last thing she said.
“Oh I don’t know, Steve and I used to go up there a lot,” Mick said as he got three mugs out of the cupboard. “We were a lot older than you the last time we went up in that tree house, it was...must have been two years ago I think, and I’m twenty now.”
“Oh really?” Amy said in surprise. “So you would have been eighteen...well maybe I’ll reconsider.”
“You should,” Mick winked. “It’s lovely, but it’s probably a bit too cold now, maybe in the summer...so, how old are you exactly Amy?”
“Thirteen,” the young girl replied. “But I turn fourteen next month.”
“So how was school today?” Mick asked.
“Okay I suppose,” Amy grimaced at the mere mention of school. “I don’t really think school’s a fun thing to talk about, I prefer to forget about it when I come home...well, this isn’t my home exactly but it’s better than…”
Mick did not want to push Amy into finishing her last sentence, because he knew straight away she was talking about her previous home and he knew what it was like not to want to talk about something. Instead he changed the subject altogether and asked her if she would like any sugar in her tea.
“Yes I would, just one please, and milk,” Amy said, the smile returning to her face.
So things had changed a little since Mick was last at this house, and he hoped he would get on with Amy and the other children who were now living here; as the two of them sat at the table getting to know each other, Amy told Mick there were two boys also staying at Rachel’s house who were slightly younger than herself. When Mick asked where they were, Amy shrugged and told him they had both run out of school the minute it had finished and were probably messing around in the woods, “Though strictly speaking we are all supposed to walk home together,” Amy sighed. “A bit annoying really because it makes me look bad when I come home without them; they’re both little tearaways.”
“Are they brothers?” Mick asked. “I mean, real brothers?” Mick could not help but think they sounded just like himself and Steve when they were school boys.
“Yes they are,” Amy replied. “I’m not looking forward to Rachel getting home because when she sees that they’re not with me she’s going to get annoyed.”
“Well it’s not really your job to look after them,” Mick reassured the teenage girl. “You’re only young and if they just run off like that then it’s not fair you getting into trouble.”
“Well she doesn’t really get annoyed with me,” Amy sighed. “She gets annoyed with them when they come in all filthy because goodness knows what they get up to...they just like to mess about and don’t want to stay indoors.”
“Sound like proper little tearaways,” Mick chuckled, rolling his eyes.
“Yeah they are,” Amy agreed. “But I get on with them okay...most of the time.”
Well that was unexpected, was the next thing Mick wrote in his diary. I wish Rachel had told me more about the new children who have come to stay with her...but then I’ve been so busy with the band that she has never had much of a chance to talk to me. Amy seems like a sweet girl but it’s not fair she has to be responsible for two difficult brothers, I want to meet Tommy and Freddy and try to convince them to be good...from what Amy has told me Rachel has her hands full with those two. I managed to get Steve to listen to me a few years ago so maybe they will as well, and perhaps I could help them find a reason to come straight home with Amy after school, I seem to have a way with difficult kids I think. I can’t wait until Steve comes home from work tonight, I wonder if his band will do well just like my band is doing. I might unpack my bags now and put everything away, I still have quite a few clothes that need washing and I’m not going to expect Rachel to do it, I’m a grown man and can see to it myself so I will go to the launderette tomorrow with it. As soon as I can I want to move out of here, not because I don’t like it here anymore but because I feel I’m going to get in the way a bit, I just want to have a go at looking after myself for a change and pay my own bills. Maybe Dave and I can find somewhere to live together...yeah why not? I will talk to him about it tomorrow...yes I know we’ve not been together long but it’s ideal really because we are in a band together and we can jam together all day if we live in the same house...or flat. I think Dave has a lot more than jamming in mind but he knows he’s got to behave at least until he’s eighteen. Yes that’s a great idea, and when I go over to his house tomorrow I will give him my phone number so he can call me more often. Anyway got to stop writing now and make myself useful. Need to keep busy so I’m not thinking about Dave all the time.
Mick knew it was going to be hard to stop thinking about Dave but he needed to spend time with the people he called his family, after all he only had to wait until tomorrow before he could see his favourite band mate. He just could not believe the way things had turned out for him; the drummer had come such a long way since he had first arrived at this house as a frightened thirteen year old, he was a survivor and although Mick did not know it yet, the fact he was so strong would get him through several more hard times ahead.
Notes:
I plan to give Ray a girlfriend very soon.
Chapter 15
Summary:
Mick is adamant that he won't sleep with Dave until he comes of age, however he agrees that they should live together.
Notes:
Thank you to all my loyal readers and all who believe in me, I would also like to thank all those who are supporting Lovers of band slash and those friends I have met on Tumblr who don't make me feel so alone with my OTP, I truly believe I have found my tribe, just hope to find more in time.
***UPDATE***Things have changed since then, I no longer use Tumblr, and the one person I do talk to from Tumblr doesn't do shipping...apparently.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
It was almost four in the afternoon, and Dave was feeling truly fed up because his boyfriend had still not turned up to visit him. All day he had wandered around an empty house not knowing what to do with himself; not even his guitars kept him entertained because thoughts of Mick consumed him to no end.
Dave’s parents were out for the day, and his sister Lorna was still at work for another hour. Not that he minded his family’s absence; the longer they were out of the way, the better. He just wanted to see Mick, but Mick had not turned up and now it was getting relatively late, and he began to wonder if the drummer would ever show up at all.
Dave remembered how Mick had told him about Steve and needing to spend time with his brother who he hardly ever saw these days, which was all well and good but when Dave was pining for Mick the way he was now, no excuse was good enough.
Although Dave felt decidedly fed up and angry and he wanted to give Mick the what for the minute he saw him, he also knew that the very moment his boyfriend turned up at his house, he would forgive the drummer for making him wait all day, simply because the relief would be so great.
Dave flopped himself down on the living room sofa and sighed, perhaps a cigarette would calm the utter frustration he was feeling at not having seen Mick all day and not knowing when he was going to show up. He took a cigarette from a box on the nearby coffee table, put it into his mouth and lit it with the lighter in his pocket. Dave took a heavy drag and exhaled, then lay his head on a cushion, trying to relax.
Dave thought about a few things that had gone through his mind all day, and he was going to have a serious talk with Mick about the two of them getting a flat together. Yes he knew it was a bit soon when they had only just got together...hell they were still getting to know one another but it seemed so right, after all they were in a band together and so that would be as good a reason as any.
It was true that Dave’s mother had only just got used to the idea of her youngest and favourite child being back at home again after he could no longer cope with living alone, but Dave hoped she would understand once he explained he was going to ask Mick to move in with him. His father would no doubt be glad, since his mother would not be able to baby him quite so much. It was also perfect because it would mean that himself and Mick would get the chance to properly be alone together without fear of being caught; they could simply shut the door on the world.
There was the issue that since Dave had moved back home, their mother had been considerably more pleasant to Lorna because she was happy to have her baby boy back. Then again, Lorna would never have to suffer the same kind of opposition that himself and Mick would face if their relationship was found out. Yes, their mother could be a total bitch to Lorna but then Dave thought to himself, Lorna can love a man without fear, without prejudice and without persecution. She just needs a knight in shining armour to come and rescue her and she can marry him and live happily ever after, she doesn’t know she’s born, she really doesn’t. I love a man but there’s no way I can shout to the world about it, I have to hide it. So if Lorna thinks I’m going to stay here when I can be with Mick she’s got another thing coming. I’m not going to be away from Mick longer than I have to be just to make my sister’s life easier, when she gets herself a man she can flaunt him to everyone. I so fucking wish that I could hold Mick in front of everyone but I can’t. Lorna will be fine, I need to find somewhere to live with Mick and I’m damned if I’m going to let mum or anyone else try to stop me...I wonder if I could go and live in the flat I was in before.
Dave’s deep thoughts were interrupted by a knock at the door, it was not a particularly loud knock but all the same it made him jump out of his skin. Dave got up from the sofa and went to see who was there. When he opened the door, his heart gave a leap of joy as the man he had been missing all night and all day was standing on the doorstep. Dave smiled as he looked into Mick’s beautiful green eyes, his stomach was fluttering as he noticed Mick’s beautiful smile and his flawless white teeth. All day, Dave had been feeling more and more pissed off with Mick for staying away for so long, but now his heart melted and it was all forgotten in a heartbeat.
“Hi Dave,” Mick smiled sweetly. “So sorry I took so long to get here; Steve and I had a lot of catching up to do and there was just no getting away really.”
Dave sighed with relief and happiness at seeing his boyfriend after what must have only been about twenty-four hours, but to Dave it had seemed like an eternity.
“Come in Mick,” the teenager said, opening the door wider for the drummer to enter. “I’m so glad you finally made it.”
Mick came in and began to take off his coat as Dave shut the door, “You haven’t missed me that much have you?” The drummer winked after asking that question.
“No,” Dave quickly said, still slightly annoyed even though he was relieved that Mick had not forgotten him, but then Dave sighed with resignation. “Of course Mick, you know I have.”
“Where can I hang up my coat? Mick asked, then added, “Er...I’m assuming we are just going to stay here, or did you want to go out somewhere?”
Dave had not thought about going out at all, he just wanted to spend time alone with his beautiful drummer and talk to him, and Dave had still not ruled out the possibility of ‘playing’ with him a little despite what Mick had said to him about waiting.
“I...kind of...I was hoping actually that you and I could...well…” Dave felt a little awkward about what to say next.
Mick held his coat over his arm as he waited for Dave to finish his sentence, but when his boyfriend did not seem able to do this, Mick decided to say something that would falsely raise Dave’s hopes. “I assume we have the place to ourselves,” he grinned slightly. “Do we have it to ourselves for long?”
Dave remembered his sister who would soon be returning from work, she would be no threat to them anyway and she would stay out of the way. Dave was sure of this because Lorna liked to be in her bedroom when she came home from work, “Well...my sister will be finishing work and coming home in a little while but...well Mum and Dad will be out for the rest of the evening and Lorna won’t get in the way so...I want to...well I would quite like it if you and I talked.”
“Okay,” Mick nodded. “So...do I get a nice cup of tea or something?”
Dave felt himself blushing by the way Mick asked for a cup of tea; he just loved the way his boyfriend had said it, not in any way demanding or cheeky, it was just...sweet.
“Here let me take your coat,” Dave said. “And yes of course, I’ll put the kettle on straight away, go and make yourself comfortable in there.”
Dave pointed in the direction of the living room as he was hanging Mick’s coat on one of the free hooks on the wall, Mick smiled sweetly at him and made his way into the room where Dave had directed him.
Dave followed his beautiful boyfriend and before Mick could make himself comfortable, the teenager could not resist grabbing the drummer from behind and kissing him passionately on the lips. Oh how Dave had longed to do that all day, and it seemed Mick did not want to stop him, because the drummer wrapped his arms around Dave’s waist and the two just melted into each other and were lost in the moment.
After what must have been about five minutes of intense kissing, they broke apart, Mick smiled at his boyfriend and said, “Oh Dave I’ve missed you so much.”
“I missed you too,” Dave answered. “But if you missed me why didn’t you come and see me sooner?”
“Oh you know why silly,” Mick replied. “I was catching up with Steve, he wanted to spend time catching up; looks like he’s starting a band too.”
“Oh really?” Dave said, not as impressed as perhaps he should have been. “Bet they won’t be as successful as us.”
“How do you know that?” Mick asked. “You haven’t seen how brilliant he is on the guitar, he will have the same role in the band you have, but he’s singing lead vocals as well.”
Dave grunted, he had never met this Steve and he could not help but feel annoyed by anyone who kept Mick away from him.
“What the matter with you?” Mick asked, lovingly but quite seriously. “Oh you’re not sulking that I spent the day with my brother.” Mick rolled his eyes.
“I just wanted to see you again so much,” Dave sighed. “I know we spent a lot of time together in America, but no amount of time seems to be enough for me.”
Mick tilted his head and narrowed his eyes, “You are greedy, you know that,” he said. “Steve is the closest thing I have ever had to a real family; he is actually the first person ever to show me any real love, so please don’t begrudge me a little time with him...please don’t make me feel guilty. I told you I was missing you just as much as you did me...hell there’s a lot I want to talk to you about as well, so stop moaning and let’s make that cup of tea.”
Dave suddenly felt very guilty, he kept forgetting that Mick had not had a very good start in life, he was curious about what had happened in the drummer’s past but he did not want to push his boyfriend into talking about anything before he was ready...if he ever would be ready, he felt he ought to apologise to Mick, “I’m sorry Mick,” he said sadly. “I was out of order being like that, of course you must spend time with your brother...I just...I was just waiting so long to see you and I suppose I was bored as well as pining for you. I should have found something useful to do while I was waiting like...I dunno write a song or something, that’s what Ray does, I should be more like Ray.”
Mick laughed a little at what Dave had just said, “I don’t want you to be like Ray,” the drummer said, stroking Dave’s hair. “You are you, but yes you are right, spending the day moping because I’m not there isn’t healthy, it’s not as if we’d fallen out or anything.”
“I know,” Dave sighed and looked lovingly into Mick’s beautiful eyes. “I will try to do better, maybe I’m just a bit jealous of how you and Steve love each other so much and Ray and I...well all we do is fight most of the time. I wish me and Ray were close like you and Steve are but...we just seem to wind each other up.”
“And yet you and him work together,” Mick pointed out. “So why can’t you get along?”
“Do we have to talk about this?” Dave sighed. “Come on let’s go in the kitchen and make tea, and are you hungry?”
“Kind of,” Mick said. “I told Rachel I might not be back for dinner because I didn’t know how long I would be at your house.”
“A very long time I hope,” Dave said as he motioned for Mick to follow him into the kitchen. “You can have something to eat here, Mum won’t be back home ‘til late so she said to just make a sandwich or whatever I wanted, she’s left plenty of grub for me to choose from anyway.”
“Oh good,” Mick said as he followed Dave to the kitchen. “So what are we having?”
“Well I told her you were gonna be here,” Dave replied looking in the fridge. “She said there’s plenty to eat for me and my ‘little friend’, meaning you of course.”
Mick laughed at the words ‘little friend’, “Is that what she said?”
“Well she keeps forgetting that I’m almost an adult,” Dave said taking several different things out of the fridge including lettuce, tomatoes and ham, before adding, “Do you like salad or do you want something a bit less healthy?”
“Salad is good for you Dave,” Mick smiled. “Let’s go with salad.”
“Okay but there’s also ice-cream to eat afterwards,” Dave winked while thinking of some very naughty things he could do with Mick involving ice-cream.
“Yummy,” Mick smiled, oh how Dave loved that smile. “Can’t wait for that, but first let’s make these sandwiches, what do you want in yours?”
“Normally I just like jam in mine,” Dave shrugged. “Don’t know why, I’ve always loved jam sandwiches, but I think Mum wants to try and get me to eat other things, not quite sure why she’s fussing over it now.”
“Well she’s right,” Mick pointed out. “Let’s make something healthy for you.”
Mick looked at all the food Dave had got out of the fridge, and Dave noticed how his boyfriend seemed to be making himself at home already by looking at all the food and rummaging in drawers for cutlery and plates, not that he minded; Dave thought it was adorable.
“You sit down Dave sweetness,” Mick said as he looked in the bread bin. “Oh great, glad to see you have brown bread.”
“Oh you’re joking,” Dave grumbled as he sat at the kitchen table. “Mum’s never made me eat brown bread before, never liked the idea of eating it, why the fuck has she started buying it now?”
“It’s good for you Dave,” Mick said as he took four slices of brown bread from the bag and opened the tub of margarine. “It has a lot more goodness in it than white bread, and I like it, it has a lot more taste, but sometimes I prefer white bread too.”
“S’pose,” Dave said a little sulkily and resting his chin on his hand. “I’ve never had brown bread before I don’t think. To be honest I’m used to chip sandwiches on white bread.”
“Oh no...Dave that’s really unhealthy,” Mick shook his head. “Please tell me that at least you don’t put butter on them!”
“Yeah of course I do!” Dave said, as if the answer was obvious. “It’s what makes them even tastier, then I put tomato ketchup on them...mmm!”
Mick shook his head and sighed, “Well, so long as you eat healthy stuff too, I’m putting all the salad on these sandwiches, nice and healthy, anything here you don’t like?”
Dave looked up at everything Mick had out, tomatoes, lettuce, cucumber, ham...he supposed that as it was Mick, he would not be fussy as he normally was; he adored Mick and would do anything to see him smile, and that included eating any food he prepared, “Just one thing though Mick,” Dave said. “Could you grate some cheese onto them?”
“I suppose so,” Mick grinned. “You know I don’t know why I’m making these sandwiches anyway; I’m the guest in this house.” Mick winked.
“But you look so much at home,” Dave pouted. “And I can tell you are so much better at making dinner than me, that’s why you’ll come in handy when we get our flat.”
Mick looked up in shock at what Dave had just said, "Our flat?” However in spite of his surprise at what his boyfriend had said, Mick went on preparing the sandwiches.
“Umm...yeah,” Dave said awkwardly. “Wasn’t quite intending to bring it up just yet but...it was something I was hoping to talk to you about.”
“Oh yeah?” Mick mumbled as he found the cheese grater and walked round to the fridge to find the cheese Dave had asked for.
“Let’s just eat first and then we’ll talk about it,” Dave suddenly became scared because he began to wonder, what if it was a bad idea to be suggesting himself and Mick find their own place so soon? They had only just got it together after all and really, after all the time they had wasted, they were still getting to know one another.
Mick shrugged, “Okay, or we’ll talk while we’re eating, how about that?” Mick smiled as he said these words, which reassured Dave a little that he had not scared the drummer quite as much as he feared.
“Sooo,” Mick said as the two sat together at the kitchen table. “What’s this you were saying about a flat?”
Dave however, was too busy biting into his ham, cheese and salad sandwich, to which the teenager had also decided to add Branston pickle and even a few crisps, which made a crunching sound as he sank his teeth into it. Mick laughed as he saw Dave was in no position to talk because he had his mouth full of food, and as a few crisps and bread crumbs dropped from his mouth and onto his shirt, Mick supposed he ought to have been disgusted at such questionable manners, but in actual fact, Dave looked remarkably cute.
Mick decided to talk while Dave was still munching, “I was thinking seriously of moving out of Rachel’s to be honest,” he said thoughtfully. “I feel I need to start looking after myself you know, stand on my own two feet. I also find myself thinking about you more and more, and I really couldn’t wait to see you today.”
Dave looked up and wiped his face with his hand; he was still eating but quickly swallowed what he had in his mouth, “So we can move in together?” Dave asked excitedly.
“I don’t know though,” Mick said doubtfully. “I mean you and I...we’re in love I know that but if you think about it Dave...we hardly know each other.”
Dave put his sandwich down on his plate and looked at Mick, “It doesn’t matter to me,” Dave said, looking Mick straight in his eyes to show him he meant every word. “As far as I’m concerned, I feel I know you well enough, Mick...I’ve loved you from the very second I saw you, and that’s no lie.”
“I love you too Dave,” Mick said, his heart racing. “I love you with all my heart, but I mean...can it work? Can we live together?”
“Nothing I want more,” Dave whispered. “Mick, nothing made me happier than when I kissed you for the first time and you kissed me back. If you give us a chance, I know living together under the same roof would be wonderful, we’d be so happy together, I know we would.”
“There is another problem that we can’t get away from, you know that Dave,” Mick pointed out, not liking what he was going to say next. “What we have between us...it’s illegal.”
Dave’s face dropped, of course in his excitement he had forgotten all about that, and that was one of the many reasons he had been such a tosser towards Mick from the very beginning. It was because he knew that what he felt for Mick was forbidden by law, and if and when he was to do the things he was desperate to do to Mick, that is, fuck him among other things, they would be breaking the law even more. Still, he was not going to let such a small detail ruin the beautiful love he felt for his band mate, if anything, Dave felt that it made their love more exciting.
“Yeah, you’re right of course Mick,” Dave nodded. “But no law is going to change how I feel about you...oh Mick the way I feel for you I’ve never felt for anyone, not ever.”
“And I feel the same way Dave, really I do,” Mick said, getting hold of both Dave’s hands and gripping them tight. “Believe me, it hurts to love you so much and not be able to shout it from the rooftops, and what hurts more is, you’re still a boy, and so…”
“And so you don’t feel you can make love to me until my eighteenth birthday,” Dave sighed. “Which is, I must point out, not for another five months yet, surely you can’t wait that long!”
“Yes...I think I can to be honest,” Mick said. “Oh Dave, don’t you think it will be better to wait, it will be so worth it, I promise you.”
“But I want you now Mick,” Dave groaned, and picked up his sandwich again to eat some more.
“Dave, come on,” Mick said, picking up his sandwich from the plate on the table. “Even putting your age aside, I don’t like the idea of jumping into bed with someone when I haven’t been with them that long, to me it’s just not...right.”
Dave had no choice but to agree with Mick, after all, Mick was the one special person he had been dreaming of his whole life, the one he wanted to spend his whole life with. Would it hurt to wait a while before sleeping with him if they had a whole lifetime to do so? After all, Dave had carelessly thrown away his virginity while he was at school, which he regretted now but there was no point in dwelling on that because there was nothing he could do to change it. Why not take his time with Mick? It would be hard but was five months really such a long time to wait to make love to him?
The two sat eating and talking for another half an hour or so and just enjoyed each other’s company, something which, they both agreed should have happened in the first place, if only Dave had not been such an idiot.
After they had eaten their sandwiches, Dave got out the ice-cream he had been talking about, along with two spoons and they sat at the table eating it from the tub and occasionally feeding it to each other. Dave thought of how they would be able to do this all the time if they had their own place, and so he decided that he would look into getting a flat as soon as possible and then when that was sorted, Mick would move in with him.
Dave brought up the subject again while the two were cuddled up on the sofa listening to records. By this time, Lorna had come home and had gone upstairs to her room as usual, after she had said hello to Mick and embarrassed him ever so slightly by saying, “Oh, he’s gorgeous, I approve. Ray and Pete made the right choice choosing him as the drummer.”
Lorna had apologised when she saw Mick blushing and looking as though he did not know what to make of what she had said, but of course Mick had been kind and gracious and replied, “Oh no, that’s all right. It was a nice compliment, thank you.”
Dave sat with Mick on the sofa with his arms around the drummer, and Mick leaning into him. They wanted to make the most of having the place to themselves, and Dave once again had to reassure Mick that Lorna being upstairs was nothing to worry about.
After Dave had convinced Mick to relax, he once again started to talk about them getting a place together, “You want to move out of your foster home don’t you?” Dave asked. “We should both start really living like adults and pay our own bills and stuff, so how about it?”
Dave kissed the side of Mick’s head and waited for his answer, Mick replied, “Well...how do we go about it then?”
“I’ll look in the paper if you like for places to rent yeah?” Dave suggested. “I wouldn’t mind going back to the place I was in before but...I think there’s probably someone else living there now...plus there was only one bedroom so...but then again one bedroom doesn’t matter much because like...well won’t we be sharing...I mean sleeping together?”
“I’m not sure that’s such a good idea,” Mick said. “And didn’t you say that Ray used to rent that flat before you? He’ll want to know why we are both moving into a one-bedroom flat.”
“I don’t really give a rat’s arse what my brother thinks,” Dave muttered. “It’s none of his business what I do anyway...I could just say that you’re moving in with me until you can find your own place...something like that.”
“What and make them think I’m sleeping on the sofa or something?” Mick grinned.
“Yeah we could let them think that,” Dave shrugged. “I mean, come on, there’s no reason for anyone to suspect a thing, really there isn’t when you think about it. It also makes sense for you and I to move in together, after all we’re band mates and that’s what band mates do, share flats together. I think Ray and Pete would approve of this to be honest.”
“Would they?” Mick said doubtfully. “How do you know?”
“Well I think Pete in particular will be happy that you and I are finally getting along,” Dave answered. “He will have no reason to worry about you.”
“Worry about me?” Mick asked confused, and turned to look at Dave. “I never knew Pete was so worried about me.”
“He told me many times to stop being so horrible to you,” Dave laughed slightly. “You know, when I was struggling so much with my feelings for you, and they were scaring me and I took it out on you, I still can’t apologise enough for that. Pete was worried that I was going to drive you away and we’d be back to square one of not having a drummer.”
“Yeah I know,” Mick gently moved a strand of Dave’s hair from his face and put it behind his ear out of the way. “I never would have though because Ray and Pete kept begging me not to listen to anything you said, apparently the Kinks will never get a drummer like me.”
“They were right of course,” Dave said. “But I see you as more than just a drummer; to me, you are like a rare treasure that no-one should touch without permission. You are too beautiful for most people, even for me and sometimes I feel so unworthy of you...like I don’t deserve you. Yet I can’t live without you now I have you in my life.”
Mick felt himself blushing at such lovely but of course ridiculous words, he gave the young guitarist a chaste kiss before saying, “What you said was very sweet Dave, but it’s also nonsense. I’m not a rare treasure, I’m damaged goods.”
“Oh Mick you shouldn’t say that,” Dave said, astounded at what he saw as the drummer’s determination to put himself down. “Why do you say that? Just because you were in care doesn’t mean…”
Mick placed a finger on his boyfriend’s lips, “Shh shh, that’s enough Dave,” he whispered, regretting what he had said because he did not want the subject of his past to be brought up. “Let’s not talk about that, not now please, I came here to have a nice relaxing evening with you, to spend time with you. I don’t want it ruined.”
“But why…” Dave began, but Mick was determined to have anything to do with his past dropped altogether that day.
“Dave please,” Mick said quickly. “Yes I think it’s a good idea for us to get a flat together, let’s do it, let’s look into it as soon as we can!”
With that, no more was said that evening about Mick’s ‘damaged goods’ remark; it was obvious to Dave that the reason for his boyfriend being fostered at thirteen was a sensitive subject and only time would tell if Mick would open up about what had happened to him. So Dave decided never to bring it up again unless Mick decided that he wanted to talk about it after all. Indeed, the teenager really was starting to grow up now, and he felt he had Mick to thank for it. Falling for Mick had changed Dave in a positive way, not that falling for Mick would stop the Davies fights that were soon to come throughout the Kinks’ rise to fame and throughout the highlight of their career of making music together.
Notes:
So sorry that I suck at author's notes, I will try to do better. I will try not to make it drag on too much before the Davory love scenes which will come soon I can assure you. Also expect romance for Ray in the next few chapters, and there will also be smut, fluff and angst galore throughout the story.
Chapter 16
Summary:
Mick and Dave finally move in together...and Mick is completely oblivious to a teenage girl's growing infatuation for him.
Notes:
I know it might seem a bit weird that Dave would want to move back to the flat he was in before, but thing is, I have this flat pictured in my head and I just can't imagine any other flat at the moment. I am also considering having a go at writing a series of one shots set in the Love me til the sun shines universe, simply because so much happens in this story and I'm not sure there is room for everything that happens to be featured all in one story. So I thought...and I haven't one hundred percent decided whether or not I will do this, that I might just write a series of fluffy...and smutty one shots featuring Mick and Dave and what they get up to in the flat. Also there are other one shots I am considering, such as ones about Mick and Steve when they were younger...as well as other things. Perhaps you have a few suggestions for me. Thing is I'm not very good with one shots because I just can't seem to keep a story short but I suppose it takes practice.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Apart from a few visits to the studio to prepare for recording their next album, for the rest of the year, the Kinks were able to chill out a little more. This also meant that Dave had time to look for a flat for himself and Mick. He never told his mother what he was planning to do, because he felt that it was kinder to let her make the most of him still being at home, rather than have her aware that his time living with her may be limited.
Dave felt guilty however, when his mother told him how she hoped he would not be moving out of his home again any time soon. It was strange for Dave to experience any kind of guilt over the way he made people feel, because until he met Mick, he never truly realised how much his heart could love. In fact, since falling in love with Mick, Dave’s heart had become more tender, and because Mick made him so happy, he began to show more kindness towards others. Indeed, he never realised that the happier you were, the kinder you are more likely to be without expecting anything in return. Dave often thought of how unhappy and lonely he had been for a long time, though he had never realised this loneliness was there, until the day he set eyes on Mick.
During the times he and Mick were not together, Dave would often sit in his room writing down his feelings in the hope of making them into songs, but he felt they were too personal to ever be included on any Kinks albums. Perhaps one day, these songs could go on a solo album, though he felt this was unlikely, for the simple reason that although he and his brother did not always get on, Dave felt comfortable being part of a group, so much so that he felt it would be weird doing anything on his own.
The teenager sat strumming his acoustic, thinking of Mick, and thinking of the life they were going to have together. Although Dave was still very young, he could actually see himself spending the rest of his life with Mick Avory, and they were going to start by living together as secret lovers, just as soon as he was able to sort something out.
As the guitarist strummed, trying to think of his own tune, all that came to mind was that sweet little song he had written months ago while watching Mick sleep. Dave had been fairly unhappy back then, unhappy because he did not know that Mick would or could ever return his feelings, but somehow seeing Mick looking so beautiful had given him fresh hope that dreams could come true, and now for him, they had.
Come on Dave, take a little break, he thought as he realised that no new tunes were going to come to him today, just random words that he had scribbled down when thinking of ways to describe Mick’s beauty. Hell, Mick was so beautiful, that for Dave, no words on Earth seemed to do him justice. Dave sighed, and with a smile on his lips, he put away his music sheets in a folder, and his guitar back in it’s case, and decided to see what people were up to downstairs.
Heading out of his bedroom door, Dave caught sight of his sister, Lorna, who had just made her way up the stairs and was, as usual, heading to her bedroom. Dave smiled at her, something he knew she was not used to from her youngest brother. Yes, Dave was aware that Lorna was puzzled by the sudden change in his attitude; he had told Mick about this too. Dave’s heart gave a small happy flutter as he remembered Mick’s soothing voice telling him, “It doesn’t matter that Lorna thinks you want something, let her think that because she’ll soon realise she is wrong.”
Dave was so in love that he was prepared to listen to anything Mick said to him, because he knew that Mick was good for him, so he brushed aside Lorna’s suspicious face and asked her, “So have you had a good day at work?”
Lorna gave her brother a weak smile, shrugged her shoulders and answered, “Well...better than being here I suppose, the only place in this house I love is my bedroom as you know.”
“Mum’s not started on you again has she?” Dave asked sympathetically.
“Well, you know I try to avoid her when I get home from work,” Lorna sighed. “So what does that tell you? Funny thing is...since you’ve moved back home, she’s been a lot more pleasant, or at least she’s laid off me.”
“Yeah,” Dave said, looking at the floor and feeling guilty yet again, fairly sure his sister was going to be upset. “Thing is...I’m kind of...well...planning on moving out again.”
The last time he had moved out, their mother had made her life hell, but Lorna looked at him, and with a resigned sigh said calmly, “Well...I suppose I should start making plans then.”
“What are you going to do?” Dave asked her, feeling worried.
“Well, don’t tell anyone,” she replied, “especially not mum but...I’m going to get a second job so I can make a bit more money for myself. Maybe if I saved up a bit, I could rent a flat somewhere not far from here.”
“Oh,” Dave was unsure of how to reply to that. “Umm...well I won’t tell her if you don’t want me to but…”
“Oh I’m begging you not to tell her,” Lorna stressed. “Because she’ll want to take the extra money I make, I just know she will!”
Lorna even looked around to make sure they were completely alone, “Come into my room Dave,” she requested. “I’m not talking out here, I never know when Mum might be listening.”
As he had nothing else to do in particular, Dave followed his sister into her bedroom and Lorna quickly shut the door. Dave realised he had not set foot in this particular bedroom in years and now, he barely recognised the place; the walls were covered completely with pictures of the Rolling Stones. Hell, he knew Lorna liked them a lot, but this was taking the biscuit, though he did hear that a lot of teenage girls were doing this nowadays, but Lorna was not a teenager, she was almost twenty-one. In the time before he had met his beloved Mick, Dave would most certainly have taken the piss out of Lorna for her infatuation for Mick Jagger, but now he was a changed person, and so he decided to be respectful of his sister’s crush and say nothing.
“Yes it’s true,” Lorna said, as Dave was trying not to make faces because of so many pictures of the band his boyfriend had briefly been a member of. “I want to move out of here whether you leave home again or not, but now you’ve said you’re moving out again soon...well it doesn’t give me enough time does it?”
“I don’t think it will be until after Christmas to be honest,” Dave replied in the hope of reassuring her not to panic. “I want Mum to enjoy Christmas again just like she did last year; if she doesn’t know I’m moving out then she won’t be upset until I break it to her in the new year, and that won’t be until Mick and I have actually found a place.”
Mick?” Lorna questioned. “What...you’re moving in with one of your band mates?”
“That’s the plan,” Dave smiled happily. “He and I are going to get a flat together and we’re going to love it.”
“Never knew that you two had become such good friends,” Lorna raised her eyebrows in surprise. “Ray told me that you and him didn’t get on.”
“Oh did he now?” Dave said, raising his eyebrows and feeling pissed off with his older brother, for once again exaggerating the truth about him. “Well don’t listen to Ray; he talks a load of crap. Mick and I are the best of friends and that’s the way it’s going to stay.
Of course, in reality, we are actually a lot more than friends, Dave thought to himself.
“Oh, well that’s nice if you’re friends,” Lorna shrugged. “But I understood from what Ray told me that you were quite...well, unkind to him when he first joined the group.”
Dave sighed, “Well all right,” he admitted, “maybe I took some...well...getting used to the fact that Ray and Pete had chosen a drummer without involving me, so I was angry with them really, not with Mick, although I may have been a bit of a cunt at first and took it out on Mick when I shouldn’t have…”
There was more to it than that of course but I can’t tell Lorna the real truth. Dave thought to himself.
“...but I’m different now, I’ve changed Lorna. I’ve...I’ve come to realise what a nice guy Mick is, and a great friend. He was nice to me even after I was so horrible to him, because that’s the kind of person he is, and I don’t feel so...left out by Ray and Pete’s friendship anymore, because I’ve got Mick to keep me company.”
“Well, I’m happy for you Dave,” Lorna smiled, serenely. “I’m glad things have changed since I spoke to Ray.”
“Don’t take any notice of what Ray says!” Dave stressed, wanting to lose his temper just thinking about his brother, but thinking of beautiful Mick again calmed him down, making him smile; he decided to change the subject. “So Lorna,” Dave smiled, feeling amused by the posters covering the wall. “Does Mum know about these posters and if so, is she okay with them?”
“She’ll have to be,” Lorna swooned. “See this guy here?” She pointed to Mick Jagger on one of the posters. “This is the man I’m going to marry.”
“You’re fucking joking!” Dave said in disbelief.
“No joke,” Lorna sighed and dropped onto her bed, held her hand to her heart and added, “Dave...I love him.”
“You don’t even know him,” Dave said, in despair at his sister’s delusional state. “You’ve never met him!”
“But I will,” she said, and Dave noticed her pupils dilating just talking about her idol. “I have it all planned out, I’m going to see the Stones in concert next year, me and a couple of friends, and guess what, I have a backstage pass, I’m going to meet him!”
Dave’s eyes widened in horror, especially after hearing from Mick about what the Stones were really like, “How...how did you manage to get a backstage pass?”
“I won it!” Lorna replied, getting to her knees to retrieve a box that was under her bed, then she took out a key from her pocket, unlocked the box and took out an envelope which she handed to her brother, “Careful don’t rip it,” she said, her voice trembling, “it’s very precious.”
“Okay, okay I’m being careful,” Dave shook his head at what he saw as Lorna’s silliness, but was more than happy to humour her. He opened the envelope and took out it’s contents. There were three tickets...Dave gasped as he realised they were front seat ones that must have cost a bomb, how on Earth did Lorna manage to get hold of these? He also looked at the other pieces of paper. Indeed, Lorna had not been lying, she had access to three backstage passes, one each for her and her two friends.
“Lorna how the hell…”
“Can I have them back now please?” Lorna got up from her bed and took them from Dave, then gave him a warning look. “And you tell Mum or Dad about this and you’re dead! Remember what I did to Rosie?”
Dave sighed as he remembered the incident with Rosie when she had been caught reading Lorna’s diary; he certainly had no desire to tell anyone about the concert tickets, but he was worried about how serious she was about getting Mick Jagger to fall in love with her, he actually began to worry about his sister’s sanity at this point.
When Lorna had locked away her tickets again and hidden the box safely under her bed, she brought up the subject of Jagger again, “So tell me Dave, I’ve heard from Ray that your Mick used to be the drummer for the Stones. Does he still talk to any of them?”
Dave got the worrying feeling he knew where this conversation was going, “Umm...not sure, I...don’t think so; for a start he hasn’t really had the time to mix with people other than us, and when he’s not working with us he spends time with the people he calls family.”
“Oh,” Lorna said quietly, looking a little disappointed. “It’s just I thought that maybe...he could put in a good word for me.”
Dave rolled his eyes; Lorna really was deluded, “Lorna,” he sighed. “Look...Mick doesn’t have a lot of good memories with that band.”
“Yeah...Ray might have mentioned something about it,” Lorna nodded. “But, from what I understand, it was Brian Jones that gave him grief, not Mick or Keith, and Charlie and Bill hadn’t even joined the band at that time, so you can’t blame them for that.”
“Look, Lorna,” Dave said gently. “I know you don’t want to hear this but…”
“Yes I know Mick Jagger’s already got a girlfriend,” Lorna said quickly. “You don’t have to tell me but...that doesn’t mean I can’t have him ever; I think...when he sees me he’ll want to be with me I’m sure of it, I have it all planned out.”
“Do you?” Dave said, scratching his head and looking away from her so she would not see his facial expressions.
“Yes, I do,” Lorna said, determined. “I’m going to meet him, looking my best, I even have the outfit I’m going to wear, and he’s going to look at me and he’ll be able to think of no-one but me, he’ll soon dump Chrissie Shrimpton for sure; I’ve seen them, and they’re not built to last I just know it.”
“I didn’t even know anything about him having a girlfriend,” Dave admitted. “I’m just concerned for you because even if you do get to meet Mick and the Stones…”
“I’m just going to put some music on now,” Lorna interrupted her brother, who thought she was just unwilling to hear the truth. “Would you mind giving me some space please?”
“Umm...yeah whatever you say,” Dave muttered. “I’ll leave you to it.”
Feeling worried about his sister, and hoping to God she would find herself a boyfriend before she decided to make an idiot of herself at this concert she was supposedly going to, Dave made his way downstairs for something to eat.
Christmas came and went, and like the last one, was pretty uneventful. Though during that time, Pete did reveal that he and Cathy McGowan were officially an item, and she made it known to her Ready Steady Go viewers. Naturally, there were Kinks fans who were pretty unhappy about this, though for some reason, Cathy did not get the same hate as the Beatles’ wives and girlfriends got. All in all, the Kinks’ fans were happy for the pair, and many wondered when the other members were going to find themselves girlfriends. Little did anyone realise at that time, that Ray was in fact the only member who was single.
Dave kept busy trying to find a flat for himself and Mick to rent, one that was of course in their price range. Sometimes, he wished he had stayed in the flat he had been in before, yes it only had one bedroom, but that was all they needed, though of course it may look suspicious, but Dave cared very little. Yes, his relationship with Mick was against the law, but there was no law as far as he knew that said two men could not share a flat, and besides, he felt that being band mates, he and Mick would get away with it, after all it was natural that band mates live together when they are working together, so Dave felt it would be perfectly acceptable and continued to look in the paper at flats to rent in London.
As he was looking at all the affordable ones, Dave suddenly noticed the one he had previously lived in was up for rent again, his eyes widened as he remembered how, when he had moved out of there, he never thought he would set foot in that place again. At the time, he did not want to because since developing sudden and unexpected feelings for Mick, he would feel this horrible sense of loneliness and fear every time he was alone in that flat at night. However, things were different now, because Mick loved him, so if they lived in that flat together, it would fill that empty hole that Dave used to feel every time he returned there.
Dave did think for a few minutes that maybe he and Mick should live somewhere new, but then again he had got so used to that flat, and the landlord had been so easy going and obliging, always happy to help; when Ray (who had lived there before) had moved out and their dad had asked if Dave could move in, the landlord had shrugged and said, “Yeah, why not? So long as he can pay the rent.”
So Dave thought he would give that one a try first, because the rent was still the same and thanks to him being in the Kinks, he had the money to be able to pay the rent on time and he would have Mick to help out with bills and food. Of course, once the Kinks were at the height of their fame, he and Mick would be able to afford to buy a much better place. No, buying a place together would not be easy to get away with, but Dave would worry about that later. He decided to ring up about the flat right after he had phoned Mick to ask him if he thought it was all right.
Dave made his way down the road to the payphone to call Mick, but the phone was answered by what sounded like a young girl, who on realising who she was talking to, let out a squeal of excitement, “Oh my gosh!” Dave heard her almost scream. “Another Kink, I can’t believe it!”
As Dave was in a reasonable mood and as he had changed his ways big time, he was able to be very pleasant and polite to her, and was patient enough to answer a couple of questions she asked him. When he felt this girl had kept him from Mick long enough, Dave kindly asked her, “Okay, do you think you could put Mick on now sweetheart?”
Er...okay just a sec,” the girl said excitedly, then he heard her shout, “Miiiiick!”
Dave waited a few seconds, making sure he still had enough money for his call, then he heard this girl say, a little quieter this time, “Mick, a phone call for you, it’s Dave.”
Dave’s heart skipped a beat when he heard his boyfriend’s lovely voice in the background, “All right Amy, thanks sweetie.” Dave’s heart began pounding and his stomach was fluttering again as Mick spoke to him, “Hi Dave, how ya doing?”
Dave could hardly breathe on hearing Mick’s voice, but he managed to stutter, “Hey my lovely, got some news for you.”
“Oh...hope you don’t mind if I don’t say that back to you,” Mick said in almost a whisper.
“What...my lovely?” Dave asked, chuckling mischievously.
“Yes that,” Mick answered sweetly. “You see, unlike you I’ve got people around me...just a sec…” Dave heard Mick say something to someone else who was there, or by the sound of it, there was more than one person, “Hey you guys, would you mind giving me a moment alone to talk to Dave, I’ll be back with you soon I promise. Amy, look after them a few minutes.”
“Who’s there with you?” Dave asked curiously.
“Oh, they’ve gone in the other room now, don’t worry about it,” Mick replied. “Just Amy and a few of the kids who are staying here a while. So anyway, it’s lovely to hear from you Dave, what do you want to talk about?”
“Oh well...are you still up for us moving in together?” Dave asked, trying to sound casual. “I hope you are.”
“Of course,” Mick answered gently. “Why, do you know any good places?”
“Kind of,” Dave replied. “I was thinking of the place I lived in before, because it’s available to rent again, what do you think?”
“Oh...er, well I suppose so,” Mick answered, which Dave thought was a good start. “It is a nice place I hope...but then if you left there then...why would you want to go back?”
“I didn’t exactly move back home because I didn’t like the flat,” Dave told him. “I just couldn’t cope with living on my own anymore, so I moved back home...and I was quite depressed over you which didn’t help, but if you’re living there with me...well, it won’t be as bad. You and I could decorate it too because the landlord doesn’t mind people doing that, though I never bothered when I was living there last, neither did Ray.”
“Why, was Ray living there with you?” Mick asked.
“No fucking way!” Dave almost choked at the very idea of living alone with his brother. “No but he lived there before me and when he moved out of it, I moved in...thought it would be fun living on my own. I suppose it was for a while but after I...oh anyway, are you up for it?”
“Er...well yeah...I...oh God this is so...sudden,” Mick stammered a little. “I mean...I...I know we’ve talked about this anyway but...it’s just so…”
“Exciting?” Dave suggested with a grin.
“That’s...one way of putting it,” Mick laughed, and Dave thought the drummer sounded nervous, though he had no idea why. “I’ve...never had my own place before and...it’s going to take some getting used to.”
“But you and I will be together, just the two of us,” Dave pointed out. “And you know, in a few weeks, it’s my eighteenth birthday so we can...you know.”
“Dave!” Mick gasped in shock at his boyfriend’s suggestion. “Behave, please.”
Dave however, was not fooled, he could hear the amusement in Mick’s voice, “So, if you want me to phone up about the flat, I can get back to you in a few minutes if you like.”
“Really, that soon?” Mick asked in surprise.
“Of course babe,” Dave said. “I’ve got the number here and everything.”
“You shouldn’t call me that you know,” Mick pointed out, sounding concerned.
“Hey stop worrying,” Dave rolled his eyes at Mick’s paranoia. “Any passer by who hears me will probably assume I’m talking to some girl, and anyway there’s no-one around listening; it’s fairly quiet here, even if they did, fuck ‘em ‘cos it’s none of their business anyway. I’m going to say this, I love you.”
Aww Dave,” Mick said a little sadly. “That’s how I feel, but you know...I can’t…”
“You can’t say it, because there still might be some nosey kids around, I understand,” Dave reassured him. “I know you feel the same way about me.”
“Yes, I do,” Mick said tenderly, making Dave’s heart melt and his dick decided not to behave itself, making Dave think, Oh shit, not now.
“Look babe, I’ll ring you back in a few minutes okay?” Dave said, knowing he desperately needed to get rid of this hard-on. “Love you loads.” Dave then blew Mick a kiss down the phone.
“Same to you,” Mick replied, sounding a little sad.
“Stay near the phone yeah?” Dave requested. “I’ll call you back in a minute gorgeous.”
“Okay,” Mick agreed. “Bye then.”
It took another half a minute for Dave to hang up, because neither of them were prepared to put the phone down first, but eventually, Mick quickly hung up, leaving Dave free to make the phone call about the flat.
As luck would have it, his former landlord told Dave he had missed him, though Dave could not think why, as they had hardly ever seen each other in the time he had previously lived in the flat. Dave however, did not care about that now, all he cared about was getting a place for him and Mick to live together. Dave could not believe his luck as the landlord, whose name was Jimmy, told the teenager that since he had decided to move back with his parents all those months ago, he had not been able to find any new tenants who were suitable, and the place had remained empty, “Seriously?” Dave said in disbelief. “I don’t think the place is haunted or anything, just couldn’t cope on my own, but things are different now.”
“Why, are you having someone move in there with you?” Jimmy asked in his dopey, laid back voice.
“Possibly,” Dave replied, smiling mischievously.
“Well, as you know there’s only one bedroom,” Jimmy pointed out. “But that’s okay so long as there’s only two of you and no more than that, and of course as much as I like you Dave, I still expect the rent to be paid on time, though I suspect now you’re famous, I won’t have to worry about that now.”
“Oh you don’t have to worry about that,” Dave laughed. “Besides, Mick’s going to be helping with it too.”
“Mick?” Jimmy said, sounding a little taken aback, making Dave feel worried that Jimmy would not allow it. “That name sounds familiar, isn’t he one of your guitarists?”
“He’s the drummer,” Dave corrected him. “And he wants a place to stay until he can find a place of his own...er...it’s not really a problem is it?” Dave thought he may as well tell a convincing lie...which was not exactly a lie when he thought about it.
“Oh no, of course it’s not a problem,” Jimmy answered, making Dave sigh with relief. “It’s just that well...there’s only one bedroom, which isn’t a problem as you can share but...that double bed’s still in there you know and…”
“Hey don’t worry about that!” Dave said quickly. “Mick and I will sort something out, look...we both want to sort of...make our own way, play our own bills, and we can’t do that while we’re both still living at home, and the fact we’re in a band together too...it’s perfect don’t you think?”
“Well, I don’t see any problem with it,” Jimmy mumbled in his usual ‘not really bothered’ way. “I just worry that you won’t be comfortable that’s all.”
“Oh trust me Jimmy, we will,” Dave assured the man who amused him so much, and he smiled because it was such a relief that Jimmy was so naive, that he thought he and Mick were just two good friends who simply wanted to share a place of their own so that they could live by their own rules instead of someone else’s. Of course they had to arrange things so that people thought just that, but it would be so worth it, because once Dave was alone with Mick, the two of them would be able to shut the door on the world.
Dave got off the phone to Jimmy feeling elated, because once he had the keys to the flat, he and Mick could move in whenever they wanted, and Dave was determined that it would be in the near future.
It was just a couple of weeks later that Mick had actually packed his bags, with a few clothes and essentials ready to move out of the home of his foster carer, Rachel, who was sad to see him go, because in the years she had looked after Mick, she had come to love him as her own son. He was the only one so far, out of all the children she had cared for, who had done as he was told at all times. In fact, the only times she had had to give Mick the what for was when Steve had convinced him to get up to something naughty, which had happened frequently. Steve was after all, three years younger than Mick, and so she would have thought that Mick would know not to listen to him. Sometimes however, there was just no refusing the pint sized cockney boy (as Mick sometimes referred to him affectionately).
When Mick had first told Rachel how he was planning to move in with his band mate Dave, at first, she had not been keen on the idea, “You can’t go and live with another man!” She had said, aghast.
This was really only because she had heard a few of her friends gossiping about how suspicious it was, that two male friends in their local area were sharing a house. This had made Mick feel quite guilty having to lie to his beloved foster mum, but he had seen no option but to make up all the usual excuses, such as how he and Dave were band mates, and he pointed out that the Beatles had shared a flat at one point, so what difference did it make if he and Dave did the same thing?
In the end, as much as Rachel was going to miss her sweet boy, she knew she had to accept that Mick was an adult now, and besides, she was not even his biological mother anyway, so she had no right to stand in his way. Rachel loved Mick with her life, and would never want to see him unhappy. As she finished ironing two of Mick’s favourite shirts as he was packing upstairs, Rachel remembered the painful memories that had led her to fostering disadvantaged children, but even with all that had happened, she would not have changed a thing.
Rachel was now approaching middle age, but many years ago she had given birth to twins who had tragically died, this had completely devastated both Rachel and her husband, Bob. They sadly never managed to conceive again, and so they felt called to care for children who did not have a decent home.
Rachel and Bob took care of five children temporarily, and they always felt sad when they had to hand these children back, however there came a time when it looked as if they would be looking after two particular children for a little longer. A brother and sister, Steve and Julie Marriott, who had both been found looking for food in a rubbish tip. Rachel’s heart was broken at the sight of the pair, who were filthy and malnourished. Julie was the older sibling, aged fourteen, and her little brother was just seven. She and Bob agreed to look after them and give them a loving home.
However, tragedy struck a year later; Rachel’s husband Bob died suddenly from an undiagnosed heart condition, and Rachel was heartbroken. Steve and Julie, who had begun to think of him as their father, were devastated too. Rachel however, had really grown to love the children as her own and so decided she would continue to care for them. They were all there for each other and stayed strong, which was what Bob would have wanted.
It was a couple of years after this tragedy that Rachel was asked to take on another child, thirteen year old Michael Avory. Rachel could see that this boy had been through some kind of trauma, but for a long time she was unable to get him to open up to her. When he first arrived at her house, Michael could not talk; it seemed that whatever had happened to him was going to leave a lasting effect on him.
That was over six years ago, and so much had changed since then. Rachel had shown Mick (this was the name he had come to prefer), what it was like to feel loved, and since moving into her home, he finally had the childhood he longed for.
Now Mick was leaving, he was officially moving out of her home. She would try not to make too much of a fuss or get too emotional, because she did not want to make him feel worse than he already did. Rachel had instantly regretted telling Mick that he could not live with another man, because the look on his face told her everything she needed to know. She had long suspected that Mick may be a homosexual, but did not really know the reason for her suspicions, it was just instinct, though she would never come out and ask him outright because she was too afraid of his reaction. She was afraid that Mick would be angry with her and never speak to her again, and she could not bear that. No, Rachel was not going to be like the rest of the world, she never could be, so if Mick had anything he wanted to tell her, anything at all, then he could come to her himself, she would not push him.
When Rachel had finished ironing Mick’s shirts, she folded up them up and took them upstairs to him. When she reached his bedroom door, she could hear him humming; he sounded so lovely when he sang, and Rachel was another one of those people in Mick’s life who thought he might possibly be wasted as a drummer. Still, drumming was what Mick loved so who was she to complain?
Rachel knocked on Mick’s door and waited, but not for long. The door opened and she was greeted with one of Mick’s adorable smiles that always melted her heart, and boy he must have broken so many hearts without even realising it.
“I finished ironing your shirts my love,” Rachel said, handing the pile to Mick, who accepted them gratefully.
“Aww thanks Rachel, I appreciate it,” Mick beamed with delight as he inhaled the aroma of his freshly ironed shirts before packing them away in his suitcase.”
“Are you taking all of your things today?” Rachel asked him, stepping inside the bedroom.
“Er...no actually,” Mick replied. “I was going to ask if I could leave a few things and come back for them in a few days.”
“Of course,” Rachel smiled at the thought of her lovely Mick coming back soon. “I am glad because that means I will see you again.”
Mick smiled at this and put his shirts she had ironed into his suitcase before zipping it up.
“But I will only agree to this if you come and stay here a few hours, have a cup of tea and a chat.” Rachel added. “I won’t have you just coming back for your things and then buggering off so I won’t see you for months and months.”
“Oh Rachel don’t be silly,” Mick said kindly. “You know I’ll always be coming back here anyway to see you and the kids, just try to keep me away.”
“You’d better,” Rachel warned him with a smile. “You know Amy wasn’t too happy when I told her you were moving out.”
“Aww really?” Mick said in surprise. “I didn’t know she had become that fond of me, bless her.”
“She adores you,” Rachel pointed out, “and you’re great with all the kids here, don’t get me wrong, so is Steve and he keeps them entertained but...sometimes he gets them all a bit too worked up and giddy so it takes them a long time to settle down at bedtime. That’s one of the reasons I’m going to miss having you here Mick; you do an even better job than me sometimes with those kids.”
“Don’t be silly,” Mick said, but he felt very touched, and he always loved to be appreciated.
“Well you have a way with them that’s for sure,” Rachel pointed out. “You are good at getting them to do as they’re told, especially when I can’t.”
“Well next time they’re naughty, tell them I said to behave,” Mick winked, and they both laughed.
As Mick put his bags in the boot of his car along with his drum kit, he felt a pair of hands touching his shoulders, “Guess who!” A young girl’s voice whispered in his ear.
Mick turned around, it was Amy, who, before Mick could stop her, wrapped her arms around his waist and embraced him as if she was not going to let go. Mick did not know what else to do so he put his arms around her and hugged her back, “Do you have to go?” Amy asked, sounding very sad.
“Oh Amy, you’re not upset about me moving out are you?” Mick asked, feeling that it was really nice to be wanted but at the same time annoyed at being made to feel bad.
Amy looked into his eyes, “Yes, I am,” she almost cried. “I love being here knowing you live here too, and now you’re leaving, I don’t know how I’m going to cope, living with all these unruly children; you’re the only one who can get them to really behave.”
“Hey, it’s not as if you’re never going to see me again,” Mick reassured the young girl, gently stroking a strand of hair behind her ear. “And you and Rachel are more than capable of looking after them without me.”
“It’s not just that,” Amy sighed. “It’s you, I like having you around Mick, as a friend...and you’re like a big brother I suppose, but you’re kind and sweet and I’ll miss talking to you, I feel like I can tell you anything at all and trust you...you’re about the only man I can trust.”
“I’m sure that’s not true,” Mick said, gently taking hold of both her hands. “But it’s good that you’re careful about who you trust, it’s the best way to be.”
“You’re not ever going to forget about me are you Mick?” Amy asked, looking sad.
“Of course not,” Mick reassured her. “Look I’m only moving out of this house, it’s not as if you’re never going to see me again; you’ll see me all the time. I’ll be back in a few days to get more of my stuff, and when I come round I want to hear about how well you and Rachel are coping with those little ones.”
Amy smiled at the drummer, then she did something he did not expect, she leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek, “I hope you like the flat you’re staying in Mick, but I can’t wait to see you back here for a visit.”
“And tell Steve to stop getting the kids all hyper!” Mick added, making Amy laugh.
“Oh he keeps them entertained when he’s with us,” Amy giggled, “but yes sometimes it takes them a while to calm down at bedtime when he’s around, but he’s not around as much now, he plays with his band and they’re going on tour very soon, that’s why you haven’t seen him much.”
“Well it doesn’t matter if I don’t see him much,” Mick sighed a little sadly because he missed his adopted brother. “We still love each other the same; we always promised each other that no matter how far we are from each other, nothing will change between us and we’ll never drift apart.”
“Well that’s lovely,” Amy smiled. “I certainly hope he will keep his promise seriously like you obviously do, otherwise he doesn’t deserve you.”
“Oh he will,” Mick said, affectionately thinking of Steve. “We’re such kindred spirits him and me.”
Mick talked with Amy for a few more minutes, telling her about life with Steve when they were as young as she was, the antics they both got up to and the fun they had every day. Little did he realise that the teenage girl was falling for him big time, and he wondered why she looked so put out when Rachel and the other children came out to say goodbye to Mick and wish him a safe journey.
“I wish you would all stop acting as if I’m leaving the country,” Mick sighed, feeling exasperated at their emotional state but trying desperately to be nice about it. “All I’m doing is going to live with my friend in a another part of London; it’s not even that far from here, please stop making such a big deal about it. It’s embarrassing!”
“We just came out to give you this,” Rachel said, trying not to cry because she knew it would once again make her beloved ward feel bad. “The kids all made a card for you.”
“And also, as for leaving the country,” one of the boys in Rachel’s care piped up, “you are going to be out of the country a lot being with the Kinks, so we may not see you as much.”
“That’s true James,” Mick agreed. “But please stop all this show of emotion because I don’t want to start crying. It’s lovely that you all think so much of me, I do of all of you, which is why I’m coming back to see you all in a few days.”
Mick blushed with embarrassment as the children cheered loudly at hearing that he was coming back soon, apart from Amy, who was still upset with her foster siblings for hogging Mick when she wanted him all to herself, oh boy she was going to be writing a hell of a lot in her diary about him tonight.
The children loaded Mick with presents they had either bought with their pocket money or made for him, and although he would not have encouraged them to spend their money on him, he felt very touched that they would care for him enough to do so. Before Mick got into his car, Amy took the opportunity to grab him and kiss him on the cheek again, “I can’t wait to see you,” she whispered in his ear.
“I can’t wait either,” Mick smiled, stroking her cheek, which may have given her the wrong impression, making her think that maybe she had a chance with him.
As Mick drove out, he called out to one of the boys who was swinging from a tree, “And will you please try and behave while I’m gone?”
“I’ll try,” the boy, whose name was Thomas, did not even look at Mick and continued to swing from the branch. “Can’t make any promises though.”
“Thomas get down from there, how many more times!” Rachel exclaimed, shaking her head in exasperation. “Please listen to Mick if you’re not going to listen to me.”
“Hey Rachel,” Mick called out from his car. “I’ll try and call you later okay, I want to hear these kids are behaving.” Mick winked at the boy called Thomas, who had got down from the tree when he saw that Mick was driving away.
All of the children except for Amy ran out after the car and all the way down the road, until Mick stuck his head out of the window and told them all to go back, “All right kids, you need to be careful when running down the street; you could knock someone over. Go back home now and I’ll see you in a few days.”
So the children waved and ran back home. Mick drove away, and as he was driving along, he felt quite emotional, but then thought of Dave who was waiting for him at the flat, and he felt he was starting a new phase in his life at last and there was nothing to be sad about.
Mick had looked at the flat with his boyfriend a few days ago; although he thought the walls could do with a lick of paint, he felt the place would do for just the two of them, though he had got slightly annoyed with Dave for failing to tell him that there was only one bedroom with a double bed, which Mick was worried would raise suspicions. Still, he did not wish to waste his energy worrying; he wanted to make the most of the time alone he would get to have with Dave, who was to turn eighteen in a few weeks time. Mick did not know whether to be excited or scared about this, because the last sexual experience he had was...Mick shook himself out of the unpleasant memory of years ago, because it had scarred him for life and he wanted to try and forget about it by thinking of all the good things that came after.
Dave looked at his watch and sighed; yet again Mick Avory was late and this time he was getting scared that his secret boyfriend had changed his mind about moving in with him. If that was the case, Dave was sure he would kill himself, after all the trouble he had gone to in getting back the flat, and when he had got the keys a couple of days ago, he had actually spring cleaned the whole place in every room because he knew how Mick did not like dust and untidiness. Looking around the living room now, anyone would think his mother had cleaned it rather than himself, but no, it had all been his own doing, and it was only because of Mick.
When Dave had last lived here, he had never cleaned or tidied up, not even when he had a girl coming over; he was just too lazy, but with Mick it was different, because Mick was special.
Making the place like a palace was not the only thing Dave had gone and done for his beautiful drummer, he had gone out that very afternoon and bought ten different bottles of alcohol and had them all lined up on the coffee table and Mick could choose whichever drink he wanted, and perhaps the pair of them could celebrate their moving in together by getting pissed...well why not if Mick was not prepared to fuck him until his birthday?
Dave looked at his watch again, and was just about to swear when he heard a knock at the door, “That had better be Mick!” He said to himself as he got up. Then as he made his way to the door of the flat, he thought of something, why did Mick feel he had to knock? When he opened the door, a pair of beautiful green eyes were looking lovingly into his, and it melted his heart, all the cursing Dave had done over Mick’s lateness was soon forgotten, but Dave just had to ask, “Hey, why did you knock? This is your home now.”
Mick laughed and his face turned slightly pink, “Umm, yeah you’re right,” he answered. “I don’t really know why I knocked to be honest...just...didn’t think, but Dave, do you think you could help me get some stuff out of my car?”
“Of course,” Dave said, feeling fluttery again at the sight of how even more beautiful the drummer was looking that afternoon, more beautiful than ever...he just seemed to get more beautiful every day. “But come in for a few minutes first; I’ve not seen you all day.”
Mick did as Dave asked him, and as soon as the door was shut, Dave took Mick by the waist, held him tight and kissed him, it was a deep and passionate kiss and Mick did not resist. As the kiss deepened, and their tongues were inside each other’s mouths, Mick caressed the side of Dave’s head, feeling the softness of the younger man’s shoulder length hair, indeed, Mick had always liked the way the teenager had his hair. They broke away from the kiss and Mick placed a couple of chaste kisses to Dave’s lips, then kissed his nose affectionately.
“Glad you’re here,” Dave whispered, looking into his eyes lovingly.
“Me too,” Mick smiled.
“I was getting scared you weren’t coming,” Dave moaned, fondling Mick’s buttocks cheekily, even though he knew he was not really supposed to do that, because it would tempt Mick into bed before they had planned, even though Dave cared very little about any of that and would have gone all the way with Mick there and then.
“I’m sorry I had you worried,” Mick said soothingly, pulling his boyfriend into a hug and caressing him lovingly. “I kind of got held up with all my adopted siblings wanting to say goodbye, and they even made a card for me and some of them got me presents which was sweet of them.”
“Aww bet they didn’t want you to go,” Dave said fondly. “Don’t blame them of course.”
“I had to though,” Mick sighed sadly. “I mean, I need to start looking after myself now, I was paying board and everything at Rachel’s but I just feel I need my own space now, apart from being with you of course.”
“It’s going to be great, you and me living here,” Dave smiled, looking at Mick lovingly, then he decided to change the subject. “So...would you like a drink?”
Dave let go of Mick and proceeded to make his way into the lounge, when Mick responded, “Oh yes, I’d love a cup of tea.”
Dave turned to Mick, rolled his eyes and said, “No, I mean ‘a drink’!”
Mick realised what Dave meant, he meant something strong, but the latter was not yet old enough to drink so the drummer asked suspiciously, “What have you got?”
“You might not want to ask that,” Dave then motioned for Mick to follow him. “Voila!”
Mick gasped as he saw what seemed like an endless number of bottles all sitting on the coffee table near one of the sofas. This must have cost Dave a hell of a lot of money. True, the Kinks were slowly but surely becoming more financially stable with their rising fame, but was it wise to be splashing out on booze? Especially when you were underage.
“Dave...where did you get all that from?”
“Just from the local shop,” Dave answered. “Come on, let’s celebrate us moving in together, I’ve got just about everything here, what would you like?”
Mick laughed and took a look at everything that was on the table. Dave had managed to get hold of two different brands of whisky, three bottles of vodka, a bottle of gin, six different bottles of wine and the teenager also pointed out that he had beer in the fridge if he preferred. Mick ended up having a small glass of red, but had no intention of getting as drunk as Dave ended up getting. Mick felt he should have warned him not to mix too many drinks, and he ended up holding Dave’s hair back while the poor boy threw up the contents of his stomach into the toilet. After that, Dave would not touch alcohol again for many weeks, and the bottles of booze that Dave had purchased ended up being put away in a cupboard where they would be forgotten about for a long time.
Notes:
Like I said before, so much happens in this story and so I don't know if I can include everything. In the next few chapters I plan to bring in Kinky Kate, she may even come into the next chapter who knows, lol.
Chapter 17
Summary:
The Kinks are at a record signing in Manchester and dedicated Kinks fan Kate has plans for Mick, but will he be impressed when she lets him know how she feels about him?
WARNING: There is slightly crude language towards the end of this chapter.
Notes:
Ok so for this chapter I did a bit of research into the Irish travelling community which my character, Kate McLaren belongs to. I also looked at gypsies in general. My beta has pointed out that the Roma gypsies (the real ones that originate from India) can be sensitive about how they are portrayed so I want my readers to know that my character Kate does not reflect them at all because her family are Irish, she belongs to the travelling community that apparently everyone hates. Kate however was born in Manchester and has never been to Ireland, so she will have a Mancunian accent.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
In another part of the country, on a traveller’s site, once again in Manchester, eighteen year old Kate McLaren was killing time, practising what she was going to say to Mick Avory when the Kinks next came to visit her local area, Rusholme. She had become obsessed with the drummer since seeing the Kinks on Top of the pops last year, at her friend Barbara’s house and now, she was determined that she would not miss out on the opportunity to meet him. Kate had deeply regretted not going to Dickenson Road with her other friend Tracy, to try and spot their four favourite men in the whole world.
The young woman had collected everything to do with this band since then, including the not so successful singles Long tall Sally and You still want me.
It had not been an easy few years for Kate; three years ago, she had got pregnant by a boy from school, and her late grandmother blamed her parents for allowing her to go at all. Normally, in the gypsy culture, girls were kept back from going to secondary school, for fear they may lose their virginity too soon, yet her parents had not agreed with this and sent her.
What had outraged her grandmother, along with a few other members of their clan, was that her parents had allowed Kate to keep baby Emily and raise the child herself, something which was frowned upon but, as Patrick and Rose McLaren had pointed out, there was no law against. Kate had become fed up of certain members of her family and community commenting on how lucky she was that her parents were the head and heart of the family, “Anyone else and you would have been out on your ear!” They often told her.
Nine times out of ten she would let these remarks go in one ear and out of the other, after all they could not touch her while her mother and father were in charge.
It was true that gypsy culture was strict on morality, which was not necessarily a bad thing, Kate decided, but she had heard of women who had made mistakes just as she had, and who had been disowned by their communities and had ended up homeless.
Kate’s parents had moved from Ireland just before she was born and had settled in Manchester. Her mother made a living making and selling jewellery, and her father mended cars and bred horses. She had never known any other life other than the one she had been brought up in, so she always found it interesting visiting a friend’s house. Many gypsies did not adjust well to bricks and mortar, but Kate could imagine herself living in a house one day, if she were to find the right man who could take on her and Emily, and would not prejudge her because of her background. Yes, Kate regretted sleeping with her classmate, but did not regret having her daughter, nor did she care what anyone thought of her.
Kate was sitting in her caravan which her parents had given her after she had had Emily, she had been more than grateful to them for allowing her to have her own space; they were a decent pair of human beings, unlike some of her family and ancestors. If only there were more decent and less judgemental people, not just among her kind, but in general. Kate had even at one time carried on going to mass every Sunday after having Emily, but she got so fed up with the way people would look at her and the baby that she felt she had to stop going.
As well as having her daughter with her, she also had a cat, Willow. Kate still felt angry to think of what her grandmother had told her, "That thing should live outside!” The old woman had screamed at her.
Kate sighed as she sat on her comfy chair drooling over the Kinks. Oh it was no use being angry with someone who was dead. What was the point? Besides, when she looked at these four boys and their kind faces, it calmed her down. It was sad that she did not miss her maternal grandmother, but she did not have any fond memories of her at all. She had never met her other grandmother, her father’s mother, but from what Kate had heard, she had been a lovely woman who would do anything for anyone.
Kate looked at her watch, her cousin Laura had taken Emily with a few of the other children for a walk; they had only been gone for an hour so far, they usually went out for at least two, and so she did not expect for them to be back yet. Perfect, it gave her time to plan for when the Kinks were in her home town again. Kate had actually told her friends what she had been planning to say to Mick when she met him, as well as asking him and his band mates to sign her copy of their first album, she was going to give Mick a special invitation to visit her in her caravan.
Kate had actually had more sexual experience than her family believed; they all assumed that she had not had sex since that fling behind the bike shed in the school field that resulted in baby Emily. They were wrong, because although she was not proud of it, she had been making money inviting men back to her caravan in secret. Kate did not agree with prostitution, but she did it because she knew no better way to better way to provide for Emily.
Men in her local area knew about Kinky Kate; she had named herself this in honour of the Kinks, but did not realise at first that the men she serviced expected something that fitted in with the name. So of course, she had asked her friend Tracy for advice, and Tracy had taught her all she knew. She advised Kate that when she went around selling her mother’s jewellery in the street, to proposition the men she saw out there, though she knew she had to be careful who she said it to, because apparently you could be arrested if you were caught selling yourself. Tracy knew about the sex trade because she worked in a local strip club and had offered to try and get Kate a job there too; Kate was after all, very beautiful and would be a hit there. In spite of all this, Kate still had her standards and did not wish to parade her body for more than one person at a time to see. Kate did not seem to realise that what she was doing was just as degrading in a way, because although she kept pretty quiet about her secret business, she seemed to have already made a name for herself in the local area, in fact it was a wonder her parents had not found out.
Kate did not think of herself as a slut, she would only reveal her secret business to men she actually liked the look of and was not prepared to let just any guy into her caravan at night, especially as she also had a child to take care of. Emily would always come first, and the only reason Kate did this anyway was for her.
Kate could well have got herself a normal job, but there was such a prejudice against gypsies at times that she knew it would be difficult. Not only that, but she was hoping to save up enough money to take a trip somewhere exciting one of these days. Perhaps she would go to London; famous guys from bands would be easier to find down there.
Now however, Kate had a plan, and it involved Mick Avory. She had dreamed about having sex with him for weeks and had even orgasmed in her sleep just imagining what she could do with him and what she longed for him to do to her.
Kate was going to make sure she was there when the Kinks were signing autographs outside the local record shop which had been advertised for weeks now. She would get her record signed and that was when she would do it, she would invite the drummer back to her place where he could do with her whatever he wanted, and it would be so good that he would always be coming back for more.
Kate loved the idea that in the end, she and Mick might possibly end up together, and she and Emily could leave this traveller’s site with Mick and they could go out and see the world. As Kate was thinking all these ridiculous things, she sighed. Of course that was never going to happen, she was not that stupid and deluded, but if she found it easy bedding the local men, why should she not try for someone well known? Yes, she knew it might backfire; not all men were like the locals, but she could only try.
Mick Avory would be the first guy from a band she would try and bed, and then she would take it from there. Kate loved sex, but she wanted to sleep with famous men, not just the local scum, because scum was what they were if they were willing to say yes to a girl just like that.
Maybe Mick Avory would be a decent guy and tell her to have some respect for herself, but Tracy had told her that this was unlikely, “All men are the same, trust me,” her friend had said, just as though it was a fact.
Although Kate refused to believe this, deep down she felt that if Tracy was right, and that Mick was just like every other man who said yes to sex when it was offered on a plate like that, then at least she would be able to show him a good time which was what she wanted, and she herself would enjoy every moment too. Even if Mick did not want any further contact with her after that, perhaps Kate could make it her mission to bed at least one member of every band she could think of. She could hang around Dickenson Road when Top of the pops was being filmed, and find a way to get close to all these dishy guys. Kate had seen some gorgeous men on Top of the pops in the last few months, but none as gorgeous as Mick Avory; he was the reason she had started buying all the Kinks’ records and merchandise.
She would not charge Mick a penny if he were to come to her, because he was special.
Kate sighed and kissed the picture of Mick, then got up to prepare dinner for when little Emily got home. She was feeling as nervous as fuck about meeting the drummer and his band, but it was just something she needed to do.
The very next week, Kate and her friends, Tracy and Barbara (who her late grandmother had never approved of because they were not members of their travelling community), were waiting in a massive queue outside of the popular Manchester record shop, known as Boom! for some bizarre reason. Still, the name of the shop did not matter to Kate, all that mattered to her was that she met Mick Avory, even of she never fulfilled her dream of getting him into bed, she was determined to get near him; she wanted to touch him, to smell him, have him talk to her. She was beginning to think that inviting him to her caravan was a bad idea, and she pointed this out to her friends, who both said, “No way!”
“Kate, look at you!” Barbara pointed out. “You are gorgeous, so chances are, he’ll want you anyway, I’m sure of it.”
“All men are the same,” Tracy added. “I told you didn’t I? I’m thinking of telling them about Scarlet.” (This was where Tracy worked as a stripper)
“Why, you think they’ll want to come?” Barbara laughed.
“Most men do,” Tracy shrugged. “Men who don’t are a rarity, they really are.”
“Mick’s definitely a rarity,” Kate sighed. “What should I say to him when I see him? I thought I’d had it all planned out but now...I just don’t know.”
“Just tell him what you feel,” Tracy shrugged. “Even if it’s dirty; men love dirty talk.”
Just then their conversation was drowned out by loud, deafening screams coming from the crowd of mostly girls all around them. Kate looked ahead and sure enough, the Kinks had showed and were sitting at a table ready to meet their fans and sign autographs. There were also security guards patrolling the area in case any of the fans got out of hand.
Kate never saw the sense in screaming; it was stupid and all it did was give you a sore throat, and right now she wanted to tell Barbara and the other stupid girls that were around them to shut the fuck up. However, she decided against it and watched as her four idols greeted the first of their fans. Kate guessed that the ones right at the front of the queue were the ones who had camped out all night waiting for this, Stupid twats! Kate thought. There was no way she would have done the same; no matter how much she wanted to bed the Kinks’ drummer, Emily always came first. She had left the child in the capable hands of her mother that morning, so she had nothing to feel guilty about, and she would see Emily and spend time with her later.
Kate watched from behind the wired fence at Mick; the drummer was even more gorgeous in the flesh. She watched him as he signed autographs, greeted the fans with a friendly smile, hugged them, allowed them to have their photos taken with him. Kate had not brought a camera with her, and neither had her friends, but that did not matter, because all she wanted to do was let the drummer know the offer was there if he ever wanted her. He was special, it would be just the two of them...alone...Kate got all turned on just thinking about it.
Suddenly, as it went a little quieter because the fans had taken in the Kinks being there and had stopped screaming, Kate decided to try something. She wanted to get Mick to notice her right now; she decided to call out his name.
Kate breathed in deeply and called out at the top of her voice, “MIICK!”
It worked. The startled drummer looked up from where he was, and it was so adorable, his beautiful face looked right at her in surprise. Even Kate was surprised by her own actions, and so were her friends, but they were also impressed by how gutsy and bold she was.
Then Kate suddenly became nervous; she wanted to say something to him, but all she could do was smile and wave. It made her day when the drummer smiled at her and waved back. Then Mick was distracted from her, and had to go back to greeting fans and signing autographs. Still it did not matter, because she would come face to face with him again very soon, and he had such a lovely smile. All of the Kinks were gorgeous in their own way, but Mick was her Kink, she decided. Mick was the one she wanted in her bed.
“You’re going to have to do better than that you know Kate,” Tracy said into Kate’s ear when they were moving up the queue.
“Erm...what do you mean?” Kate asked, confused.
“Well, you shouted out to him and waved, he waved back and that’s a start,” Tracy explained. “But come on, you’re going to have to say more when you get to him, especially if you want to shag him.”
“I...I believe I know what I’m doing,” Kate insisted. “I...I just thought I would grab his attention now, then he’ll remember me when he sees me again.”
“Yeah but look,” Tracy pointed to the other fans who were now standing at the fence and doing exactly the same thing Kate had been doing. “He’s probably waving to them too you know, that means he won’t necessarily remember you, because to him you are just one of the many fans who are crazy about him.”
“Oh come on Tracy,” Barbara interjected. “She also has her looks, and...no disrespect meant to any of those fans there but...let’s just say I think Mick will remember her all right.”
It was true, Kate’s beauty was well known around Rusholme, and there were those who thought she was far too beautiful to belong to the McLaren clan, but there were too many men who took advantage of her, and there was even graffiti about her around the neighbourhood. Tracy and Barbara always told her the graffiti was done mainly by girls who were just jealous, and so Kate kept telling herself that her two friends were right.
“You’ve still got to make sure you talk to Mick,” Tracy said mischievously and putting her arm around Kate. “Make sure he does remember you.”
They waited for what seemed like an eternity, but Kate was determined to see Mick, and she was not going to give up now, even if her friends were. She could see that Tracy and Barbara were getting annoyed at having to wait; they had never waited in a queue like this before, but Kate would not wait so long unless she thought it was worth it. It was now three in the afternoon, and they had now almost reached the end of the fence, the security guards would only allow a few at a time to approach the Kinks, which was reasonable, Kate supposed, as they did not want things to get out of hand.
She began to practise in her head what she was going to say to the drummer, and Kate decided she would start it off with, “Hello boys, it’s so nice to meet you, and I would be honoured if you would sign these records of yours.”
That was the first part sorted, now she needed to work out what she was going to say just to Mick. Maybe she could whisper something to him, but what? Fuck, she was in trouble for sure, Oh I don’t know, she thought hopelessly. I’ll just flash my tits in his face...accidently on purpose of course...then just let him know where I am if he wants me...should be simple enough; I’ve done it many times before with the local men. Why is Mick any different because he’s famous? I’ll do it, I CAN do it.
Slowly, as time went on, the queue went down, and Kate and her friends got nearer and nearer. Kate had her eyes on the prize, her heart was pounding, she could hardly breathe, and she was annoyed with herself for feeling so nervous when she had coaxed young men into bed many times before. As she got closer to Mick and his band mates, she began to imagine him knocking at her door, letting him in, stripping him naked, riding him.
“Okay I’ll let a few more of you in,” a man suddenly said, bringing Kate out of her unsavory thoughts. What the hell...was now the time?
“Come on Kate,” Barbara laughed. “Stop daydreaming.”
“Now’s your chance Kate,” Tracy whispered as her two friends took hold of her by each arm and led her with a few others to where the Kinks were sitting, greeting their fans. The boys looked so friendly, and this made Kate feel less nervous. As she kept telling herself and as Barbara kept telling her, Mick was a lovely young man and there was nothing to be afraid of.
“Bullshit!” Kate remembered Tracy saying. “There’s no such thing as a good man and you know it!”
Kate watched the excited fans getting up close and personal with their idols, with her idols, and she sighed and relaxed a little more; there was no reason why she could not do the same.
Again, even though it was nearly her turn, waiting seemed even more frustrating, and watching Mick now made Kate feel so...she was getting those sexy thoughts again. She looked at Mick, his eyes, his lips, the sound of his voice as she heard him say to one fan, “Well it’s lovely to meet you Eleanor, thank you for waiting so patiently.”
How sweet and soothing his voice was, then she watched Mick as he put his arm around Dave, so that the the young girl whose name quite clearly was Eleanor could take a photo of her favourite band. Mick’s band mates were good looking enough, but their looks paled in comparison to the drummer.
Kate looked at Mick as, after the four young men had had their photo taken for what must have been the millionth time that day, he put his arm on Dave’s shoulder and said something to him. Kate could not quite hear what the drummer was saying to the youngest band member, but it did not matter, because she found the way he was looking at Dave utterly adorable. It was funny, why did she feel so differently all of a sudden? It was as if she was looking on those two and imagining some kind of love affair between them...but no, that was wrong, it was illegal! Why on Earth would those two be queer? She never thought she would be turned on by the idea of two men together...but right now...she was. Kate shook herself out of these crazy thoughts, No Kate, that’s crazy! She thought. You came here and waited this long to get Mick Avory to come to your place and sleep with you.
“Come on Kate the boys are waiting!” Tracy’s voice shook her out of her thoughts. Hell she certainly needed shaking out of her thoughts that was for sure.
This was it, this was her chance, it was now or never. Kate and her friends made their way to where the boys were waiting to sign whatever they had brought, for Kate it was their first album and their latest single. Kate was not going to let nerves get the better of her, and she was not going to let silly thoughts of Mick with his band mate stop her from seducing the drummer. The three girls were greeted by a friendly hello from all the boys.
“Hello!” The three girls replied in unison.
“It’s nice to meet you,” Barbara said nervously. “You really are well worth the wait.”
“Thank you,” Dave said, with a charming smile; Kate could tell from his voice that he was very young, perhaps a similar age to herself, but all the same, it was Mick she wanted.
The boys then took what the three girls had brought for them to sign, and Ray asked if they had brought a camera so they could take photos, that was when Kate decided to say something about why she was really here, she found the courage to lean on the table and say, “No, we haven’t, but Mick, you could always come and see me later.”
Mick looked at her in surprise, “Umm...well that’s very nice of you but…”
“We are kind of busy,” Pete decided to help Mick out by finishing the obviously shy drummer’s sentence.
“Oh she doesn’t want you three,” Tracy said cheekily, of course meaning Ray, Dave and Pete. “She just wants to see Mick later in her caravan.”
“Er...I will handle this Trace,” Kate rolled her eyes at her friends over enthusiasm, then she looked right into Mick’s eyes, she could see how shy he was, how sweet he was, how gentle he was and she wanted to give him a reason to smile. “Yeah Mick, how about it?”
Kate was now sitting right on the table, and she was sure most men would notice how utterly hot she was, and she did not notice how pissed of Dave was looking and would not have really cared anyway. She noticed how amazing Mick smelled, quite possibly the most beautiful aroma in the whole world. Kate felt aroused just thinking of the things she could do to him, of the things she would have him do to her if only she could persuade him and she began to feel wet down below. Oh fuck, it was not the first time she had felt moisture in her underwear thinking of Mick Avory, but now it was even worse because Mick was in the flesh right in front of her, and that was when she said the words, “Mick Avory,” she almost whispered in what she hoped was a seductive tone. “Come and see me in my caravan tonight, I’ll make it worth your while.” She undid the top two buttons on her blouse so he would see her cleavage; why did Mick look so unimpressed?
That was when Kate decided to put him to the test, she leaned forward and whispered in his ear, “Lick my cunt.”
Kate was unsure if any of the other boys had heard it, but it was obvious to Mick’s band mates that the drummer was appalled at her language and behaviour, “That is disgusting!” He hissed, looking aghast...oh fuck, had she upset him?
“What did you say to him?” Pete asked, looking confused.
Kate got off the table, and said, “Well boys, thanks for the autographs, it’s been a pleasure meeting you it really has, but I know you’ve got other fans waiting to see you, and you’ve been well worth the wait. Mick, the offer’s still there, but if not, I hope you and I will meet again sometime.”
She winked cheekily at the drummer, and with a smile on her lips, Kate began to walk away with her friends, but before she went home, she turned to Tracy and said, “You know, you’re wrong about good and decent men not existing; there’s one over there that I’ve just been talking to. I was testing him, though I was hoping he might want to come and see me anyway, but it looks doubtful.”
“What the hell did you say to him?” Barbara asked.
“It doesn’t matter,” Kate replied. “I have everything I came for anyway.”
“I thought you were planning to shag him!” Tracy pointed out. “Wasn’t that your plan?”
“Nah,” Kate shrugged. “I knew that was never gonna happen, but I got to meet him, to touch him, to smell him...and fucking hell does he smell amazing!”
“And you got the band to sign your Kinks records for you,” Barbara added.
“Yeah, that too Barb,” Kate said as she took her friend by the arm. The three girls walked off together down the street, towards Kate’s caravan site, wanting to just relax after queueing for hours to meet their favourite band. Little did Mick Avory know that it would not be the last he saw of Kate McLaren.
Notes:
So now that you have met Kinky Kate at last what do you think of her? Honest opinions please!
Oh and anyone who is looking forward to the next chapter, here is a sneaky peak: What was he going to do with himself all this time? Play his guitar? Write a new song? Maybe he could sing Love me til the sun shines to Mick when he returned home. That was one song...in fact the only song so far that he had written that was truly close to his heart, because it was the only one he had written that really meant something to him and the only song at the moment that was based on something real. He had looked at the words he had written on several occasions and wondered if there was room for improvement. Should it be on a Kinks’ album or was it too personal? Dave was just so unsure, and he was unsure about a lot of things...but very sure about his feelings for Mick, though even if he did sing the song to Mick, he would be nervous about telling the drummer that the song was indeed about him.
Chapter 18
Summary:
Dave's is in no doubt about how he feels for Mick, but he becomes nervous as his 18th birthday approaches and has no idea what to expect when his fantasy is about to come true.
Pete tells Cathy of his new suspicions about Mick and Dave but swears her to secrecy.
Dave receives an unusual birthday present from Mick.
Notes:
I hope that even though this chapter is pretty uneventful, you will find it interesting and want to read more.
Oh and by the way, Pete Quaife's parents didn't really live in a converted windmill, I just thought i would put that in for fun; I got the idea from the Cbeebies programme, Grandpa in my pocket in which the family live in a windmill. It is true that he was born in Tavistock though.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Dave’s eighteenth birthday was in a week’s time, and the teenager knew for a fact he had never looked forward to a birthday so much, not even as a child. When he was much younger, he would go out with friends and do something fun such as going to the pictures. His mother would of course, always make a great deal of her favourite child’s birthday, and Dave supposed this year would be no different with her. He had celebrated his most recent birthdays (with the exception of last year on his seventeenth) by getting drunk with his no good companions, so drunk that he would not remember much the next day and he usually woke up next to a girl.
Dave supposed that at the time, he had enjoyed his birthdays as best he could, and there were fun memories to be had especially as a boy, but now he realised that as he got older, that there had always been something missing.
Last year, on his seventeenth, he had been intensely miserable, and had not wanted to do anything but spend the day at home writing songs. His family however, had other ideas. They had not realised how depressed he was, and why would they when he was unable to tell anyone about his feelings for his band mate? So, putting on his usual happy front, Dave had reluctantly agreed to go out for a family meal at the local pub. He should have realised that they had arranged a surprise party for him, which was the last thing he had felt like at the time. Little had Dave realised then, that one year on, Mick Avory would finally be his.
After last week’s events in Manchester, where they had to endure several hours of greeting fans outside some record shop, Dave was becoming ever more frustrated and desperate to officially claim Mick as his and his alone.
Dave had enjoyed the signing at first, and had met some lovely fans and found some of them very interesting indeed. However, as time went on, he had started to get tired, and the weather was becoming unpredictable, yet the weather was the last thing on his mind when a fangirl had showed up and flirted intensely with Mick. Of course Mick had not flirted back, much to Dave’s relief, but he had to do his utmost not to lose his temper when this girl had blatantly sat seductively in front of Mick and dared to whisper something in his ear. What she had said obviously disgusted Mick, so much so that the drummer later refused to repeat it when he was asked.
Even though Mick had done nothing to encourage this girl’s behaviour, Dave still felt angry for the simple reason that he longed to be able to let the world know that he belonged to Mick, and Mick belonged to him. He had wanted to tell this girl to fuck off and keep away from his man. What also made Dave angry, were Robert’s comments about what had happened, because when the manager had been told what this girl did, and when he heard that she was very beautiful, he had said to Mick, “What the fuck’’s the matter with you Mick? A stunning bird offers herself to you on a plate and you refuse her?”
Dave had wanted to punch Robert for his comments, but he knew it would not be a good look; reacting that way would only arouse suspicions, and questions may be asked about such behaviour. So Dave had to bite his tongue, and endure listening to Mick make his usual excuses such as how the girl’s words had simply shocked him, how he could not possibly sleep with this young girl even if he had wanted to, because the band were far too busy for things like that. For once, Dave had been glad that Ray and Pete were there to back Mick up. Yet Robert had still not dropped the issue and had remarked, “What...you mean to say you didn’t even WANT to?”
Dave tried to shake himself out of these infuriating thoughts; he did not want to let thoughts of one event ruin his day.
Dave was sitting in the living room of the flat with a cup of coffee. He had never seen this flat look so clean and tidy and that was the truth. Even when he had first moved back in and the place had not been lived in for many months, it was never as spotless as this.
Of course, Mick was the one to thank for the flat being kept immaculate; the drummer had organised the place so that everything was just so. Mick had often said to Dave since moving in that he refused to live in a pigsty, and that being a man was no excuse. Well, Mick’s tidiness did not bother Dave so long as the drummer never left him, because one thing that he would never be able to endure was being without Mick...hell Dave was missing him badly now. Mick had gone out for a few hours visiting his adopted family and Dave was killing time trying to keep his mind occupied...but it was not easy; whatever he tried to do with himself, thoughts of Mick kept coming back to him.
What Dave found particularly hard to take was remembering that his boyfriend would not be back until early afternoon. He looked at his watch, fuck it was only just gone half past ten in the morning.
What was he going to do with himself all this time? Play his guitar? Write a new song? Maybe he could sing Love me til the sun shines to Mick when he returned home. That was one song...in fact the only song so far that he had written that was truly close to his heart, because it was the only one he had written that really meant something to him and the only song at the moment that was based on something real. He had looked at the words he had written on several occasions and wondered if there was room for improvement. Should it be on a future Kinks album or was it too personal? Dave was just so unsure, and he was unsure about a lot of things...but very sure about his feelings for Mick, though even if he did sing the song to him, he would be nervous about telling the drummer that the song was indeed about him.
Although Dave was counting down the days to his birthday when he and Mick could finally make love, he was starting to feel more and more nervous about it. After all, a homosexual relationship was new to him, even though he had fantasised about it since the first day he met Mick, what was it going to be like in reality? Was it going to be even better than he imagined...or would it just be painful? Dave then realised something, he and Mick had never discussed sex between men; he had never even heard of it until he left school.
All he had known about it was that apparently, it was something dirty that could result in you being thrown in jail. He knew full well he and Mick could be arrested if it was discovered that they were more than friends, but...they had not yet done anything to be arrested for, and when they did finally ‘do something’, and Dave had every intention of making sure they did, hell he really had no idea what they were supposed to do...not really. A slight feeling of panic came over him, and he decided to talk to Mick about it when he came home.
A week later, Pete Quaife was in his element; he had a lovely new girlfriend and the band he was a member of were becoming ever more successful. Cathy McGowan certainly put a smile on his face; she was sweet, fun and was always up for a laugh. He had taken her to meet his parents at their home in Devon and so far, she was having a great time.
Pete was having great fun showing her around the different parts of the county he knew, and she was impressed by the prettiness and quaintness of the old towns and villages. The bass player showed her the town he had been born in, Tavistock, which she fell in love with, so much so that Pete was wondering if she was imagining living here with him one day and raising a family...still, even though he was growing more and more fond of her with every passing moment, Pete felt it was still too soon to be thinking of such things. He just wanted to enjoy Cathy’s company for now, and get to know her better as his girlfriend; she had pointed out that she felt the same way and there was no rush for anything.
The couple were now taking a walk around the beautiful Dartmoor countryside. Although it was only just February and still winter, the sun was shining brightly and they noticed that already, blossom was beginning to grow on the trees, and it looked beautiful. Cathy was walking beside her boyfriend, her arm in his. Occasionally they stopped to kiss and cuddle, neither of them had said ‘I love you’ yet, but both of them were not far off saying it because every time they met, they would become wrapped up in each other’s company and at times, it was as if they were the only two people in the world.
They had, for the past few days been staying at Pete’s mum and dad’s home, which Cathy loved from the moment she had set foot in the door, and did not understand why Pete was so embarrassed by the place. His parents lived in a converted windmill instead of a normal house, and Pete begged Cathy not to laugh or go telling everyone about it, as it was not something he liked everyone to know. Cathy had wanted to know why, and Pete had said there was no reason, but he just found the whole damn thing embarrassing, even though his parents’ home looked beautiful inside. Cathy had told her boyfriend to stop being so bloody silly, because it was a beautiful place, and he had no idea how lucky he was to be able to come here any time he wanted. In her eyes, it was the perfect getaway from London, and she herself would have loved to live in such a lovely home.
When Pete and Cathy finally reached his parents’ home after their long walk, they sat down under a huge oak tree not far from the said windmill. Cathy snuggled close to her boyfriend and kissed him lovingly on the cheek, “You glad you brought me here?” She asked him, running her fingers through his hair.
“Of course I am,” Pete replied lazily. “It’s been great, I’m so glad you’re enjoying it.”
“I am,” Cathy said, leaning her head against him. “I don’t know if I want to go back to London at all, and I certainly hope we’ll come here again some time.”
“Yeah course we will,” Pete smiled, putting his arm around her waist. “I like to be seen with you; I feel proud that you’re my girlfriend.”
“Oh really?” Cathy said, feeling very touched that Pete would think so highly of her. “That’s so sweet but...I’m not really that special; I was actually surprised you wanted to go out with me.”
“I’m actually surprised you said yes to me,” Pete laughed. “And of course you’re special; you’re my girl and you’re beautiful.”
“Really?” Cathy said, blushing just a little. “Aww you are lovely!”
Cathy kissed the bassist on the cheek again, then she made her way down to his neck and placed gentle kisses there, before kissing Pete’s neck a little harder, making him gasp in surprise at the slight pain that it caused, “Oww,” he said, laughing slightly, and Cathy gave him a mischievous look, then kissed him on the lips, parting them ever so slightly so she could gently brush her tongue against the bass player’s own.
As she was kissing him deeply, she took hold of his hand and moved it to her hip and held it there, then when she let his hand go, he moved it around her waist and a little along her thigh, but that was as far as he went, because he was just not the kind of person to get too familiar too soon into a relationship. As much as he wanted to sleep with Cathy, Pete had always been an honourable man, and bedding a girl when he had only been seeing her for a matter of weeks was a big no-no for him.
Pete wished he had not lost his virginity when he did, because he believed that sex should be with a person you love and who loves you in return, but he had given in to peer pressure when he had slept with his then girlfriend.
As Pete was enjoying the kiss but trying his best to avoid any naughty touches from her, he remembered the girl who had messed with his feelings years ago and he was determined not to let that happen again. Suddenly, he felt Cathy’s hand against his crotch, and he quickly pulled away from the passionate kiss and immediately moved her hand away from him.
“What’s wrong?” Cathy asked, confused. “Weren’t you enjoying it?”
“Oh yes...yes I was,” Pete sighed. “Very much...too much, that’s why you need to stop.”
“But why?” Cathy asked, still not understanding. “You...you want to be with me don’t you?”
“Of course,” Pete said, stroking her dark hair. “Do you think I would have brought you here to meet my parents if I didn’t want to be with you, but...I respect you Cathy, and I want to take things slowly.”
“What...you think I don’t?” Cathy groaned, feeling a little hurt that her boyfriend had pushed her away, because he had actually made her feel as though her behaviour was inappropriate.
“Cathy, I’m so glad I met you,” Pete smiled lovingly at his girlfriend. “I’m the happiest I’ve felt in a long time, really I am. I love being in the Kinks, but sometimes those three really do take it out of me...well...not so much Mick, just Ray and Dave, but now I’m with you, when I have to play peacemaker for those two I don’t get so down, because I think of you and it makes me feel like everything’s going to be all right.”
“I feel the same way,” Cathy murmured. “But why can’t I touch you...have a bit of fun with you? Why do I have to be careful where I put my hands?”
“I’m sorry,” Pete sighed. “I just...you really do make me happy and you’re a sweet girl and...if...when we do...take things to the next level...I want it to be really special, I don’t want it to happen just anywhere.”
“You mean you don’t want to make love under a tree?” Cathy grinned that adorably mischievous grin of hers that Pete found so endearing.
“Yeah,” Pete laughed, his face turning pink at the thought. “Yeah...I do mean something like that.”
“Well why not?” Cathy joked, and she climbed playfully onto his knee and put her hands on his face lovingly. “It’s a beautiful place to make love, and no-one will see us.”
“Want a bet?” Pete chuckled. “Mum and Dad might see us for a start, you know this tree is visible from their bedroom window?”
This made Cathy laugh, “Oh...er, okay,” she giggled. “Perhaps we’ll do what you say then, be somewhere more private, when we’re ready...then it’s more...romantic.” She leaned in and kissed him passionately, and this time Pete showed a little more enthusiasm by putting his hands on her bum, and this made her laugh loudly again. Pete laughed too, then looked at his girlfriend lovingly, not wanting to do anything but look at her. Then Cathy looked at him a little more seriously and said something he did not expect, “Would it shock you if I said I was a virgin?”
Pete looked at her for a few seconds, just wondering if he could believe her; he decided she seemed innocent enough, and shook his head, replying, “No, no it doesn’t shock me but...are you?”
Cathy nodded, “Yes,” she whispered. “Yes I am, I’ve never had sex in my life, and when I do, I want it to be with you.”
If Pete had not been in love with her before, he was certainly beginning to feel that way now, because he had never met a girl who was not ashamed to admit she had never made love to anyone yet, and chances were, he was the only one she had told and wanted it to stay that way.
“Can I ask you something Pete?” Cathy asked.
“Of course my love,” Pete said kindly. “Ask away.”
“Does it hurt?” She asked. “Having sex I mean...that is...will it hurt me?”
Pete had never been asked such a question before, and did not know how to answer, but he wanted to reassure her she had nothing to be afraid of, so he answered, “They say it can be tricky the first time, but you don’t have to worry about anything; I’ll take care of you, and besides, everyone starts out as a virgin, no matter what the age...and it’s not as if you’re that old, you’re…”
“Twenty-one,” Cathy informed him. “Same as you.”
“I don’t know why people have to make such a big deal about when a person needs to have sex,” Pete sighed. “I just wish I hadn’t listened to those idiots at school, then I might not have thrown my virginity away on someone who didn’t really care for me at all.”
“I care for you though,” Cathy reassured him. “Hope you know that.”
“Yeah I know you do,” Pete said gratefully. “I care for you very much.”
Cathy kissed him passionately again, then when she pulled away, she said, “Can’t believe I was going to approach Dave, so glad you got to me first before I made a complete idiot of myself.”
“Me too,” Pete laughed. “I mean, apart from him being just a baby, I don’t think he’ll be any good to you.”
“Oh really, why do you say that?” Cathy asked curiously.
“Whoops, perhaps I shouldn’t have said that,” Pete regretted his words. “Please do me a favour and forget about what I just said.”
“Well it’s too late now,” Cathy pointed out. “Why wouldn’t he be any good to me? Is it just because he’s too immature...or that he might just break my heart?”
“Yeah we’ll go with that answer,” Pete said quickly. “Oh yeah and I’ve just remembered, it’s his birthday tomorrow and I won’t be there; glad I gave him a card before I left.”
“I get the feeling you know something else about Dave that you just don’t want to tell me,” Cathy said, tickling him playfully. “I can tell.”
“Oh can you now?” Pete muttered, regretting saying anything about his young band mate at all.
“Yeah I can,” Cathy nodded.
“Oh I don’t know,” Pete sighed. “Sometimes I just let my imagination run away with me; Mum’s always told me I do. Let’s just say...I don’t really know why, but...I’m worried...well, maybe not worried yet but...a bit concerned about him...Dave that is.”
“Why’s that?” Cathy asked, and Pete knew there was no going back now, he just had to tell her what was on his mind.
“Well...Dave was always a bit of a...let’s say playboy,” Pete stuttered. “And now...well I’m not saying it’s a bad thing but...well he just isn’t anymore.”
“Not a playboy anymore?” Cathy said. “Oh well...that’s probably a good thing though; nobody likes a playboy...well, I don’t.”
“It’s probably a complete coincidence,” Pete continued. “But the whole playboy thing seemed to have stopped since Mick arrived on the scene.”
“Why do you think Mick would have anything to do with it?” Cathy asked, puzzled.
“I have a lot of reasons,” Pete sighed. “Just no proof.”
“Proof of what?” Cathy asked her boyfriend. “I don’t understand.”
“Well let me put it this way,” Pete tried to explain the best way he could, but even then he felt he was going to fail to spell it out to her. “When we first hired Mick as our drummer, Dave had broken up with his girlfriend, and he said he was going to get himself a new one before the end of the week.”
“O...kaay…” Cathy thought she was beginning to understand where this was going. “And...then he didn’t?”
“No...no he didn’t,” Pete sighed, wishing he had never brought up the subject. “Again, I’m not saying that’s a bad thing, because to be quite honest, Dave was a terrible boyfriend to every girl he was ever with, and he wasn’t with any of them for more than...three months tops, in fact three months was a record for him.”
“I see,” Cathy said, desperate to hear more about Dave. “So when did he last have a girlfriend?”
“About two years ago,” Pete responded. “And he hasn’t had one since; I’m not one hundred percent sure but...I have reason to suspect that Mick’s the reason.”
“But why?” Cathy asked. “Why would Mick stop him having a girlfriend?”
“Dave’s always...acted weird whenever Mick was around,” Pete explained. “He would act really rudely towards Mick at first, and yet sometimes, when Mick couldn’t be with us for whatever reason, he would complain and say how it didn’t feel right Mick not being there. There was one time when we all met up; Mick was supposed to be there too but he couldn’t make it because he was ill. Dave went ballistic and said that Mick should be with us and we shouldn’t be excluding him and...well he sulked for the rest of the afternoon.”
“Hmm, that is weird,” Cathy agreed. “Certainly not normal behaviour.”
“And then there was another time,” Pete continued. “It was when we were on Top of the pops for the first time actually. Robert made some harmless joke about setting Mick up with Honey Lantree, you know the Honeycombs’ drummer?”
“Oh yeah,” Cathy said. “Met her a couple of times, but what happened about that?”
“Well, nobody tried to set them up or anything,” Pete shrugged. “But Dave started acting weird again.”
“What did he say?” Cathy asked, wide eyed.
“Well he was going on about pretty much how he knew for a fact that Mick wouldn’t be interested in her and that we should stop saying these things,” Pete explained. “Dave stressed pretty much how Honey wasn’t his type and then...well he stormed out of the room.”
“Wow,” Cathy said in response. “And so...why exactly do you think he reacted like that?”
“Well...promise you’ll keep this to yourself because I don’t know one hundred percent,” Pete stressed. “But well, neither of them have girlfriends, they’ve just moved into a flat together and...I think there’s something going on between Mick and Dave.”
“Going on?” Cathy queried, wide eyed. “What sort of thing is going on between them?”
“I’m really not sure,” Pete shook his head doubtfully and still feeling rather awkward. “I think...the two of them may have other inclinations.”
“You mean…” Cathy’s eyes widened in disbelief as she suddenly realised what her boyfriend was trying to say.
“Yes,” Pete answered. “But I’m begging you Cathy please to keep your mouth shut.”
“Oh I’m not going to say anything,” Cathy gasped. “Seriously why would I?”
“Let’s just keep it between you and me yeah?” Pete said adamantly. “I really don’t know why I even told you; I suppose it’s because I trust you so much that I can tell you something in confidence.”
“Absolutely,” Cathy agreed. “You really have nothing to worry about, and as you said, you have no proof so you never know, you may be wrong after all; there could be a number of reasons why they are both single and why they’ve chosen to live together.”
“Yeah you’re right,” Pete sighed. “It could be just my imagination, and yeah there could be a number of reasons for it, but I do feel that Dave’s behaviour at times has got me thinking, and also he used to be a complete bastard to Mick, but now he’s as nice as pie to him...it’s just weird.”
“Well yes, it’s best we don’t say anything,” Cathy said, resting her head on Pete’s shoulder. “If you think about it, it’s not really our business anyway so even if you are right about Mick and Dave, it’s not as though it affects you.”
“I don’t know,” Pete muttered. “If I am right about them, it could well affect the band big time.”
“But why should it?” Cathy asked him, making Pete roll his eyes at her naivety, but he also found it utterly adorable.
“Oh Cathy darling come on,” he laughed. “Of course it would be a problem for the Kinks; it’s illegal for a start, so it will be a huge scandal.”
“What’s the worst that can happen though?” Cathy asked him, clearly she was very innocent and did not realise how serious such a thing could be.
“Oh Cathy,” Pete laughed and kissed her forehead. “You really have no idea do you? Mick and Dave could go to prison for two years, we could be dropped by our record label and we can kiss goodbye to any chance of being successful ever again.”
“I never thought of that,” Cathy murmured. “Yeah you’re probably right, but I don’t see why it matters so long as you keep making great music.”
“If only life was that easy,” Pete sighed. “But sadly it’s not, so let’s just try and forget about what I told you, and as I said, I may be wrong, so it’s no good worrying about it; we’ll just live for the moment yeah?”
“And you want to enjoy being a Kink while you can,” Cathy smiled, giving him a kiss. “Especially as you don’t know how long you are going to be successful anyway, so make the most of it.”
“That’s very true,” Pete agreed, putting his arm round her. “And besides, I do actually have a few things I might do if I ever leave the band, which I hope won’t be yet awhile.”
Pete then told her about his other talents, such as art, and how he hoped one day he would write a book. He was glad to be able to change the subject and forget about Mick and Dave; he wished he had not mentioned it at all, but maybe he wanted to get that worry off his chest and share it with someone else.
He had been suspecting there was something more to Mick and Dave’s closeness for a few weeks now and it worried him greatly. Ray was his best friend, but Pete also cared deeply for his other two band mates, and he wanted to protect them from possible scandal and disgrace. However, if they really loved each other as he was beginning to worry that they did, there would really be nothing he could do about their feelings and what gave him the right to tell people who to love anyway? He had noticed the last time the Kinks were together, the way Mick and Dave looked at each other, and Pete could not help but think, Please God, let it be just my imagination, please.
Dave awoke on the morning of his eighteenth birthday; he could smell a beautiful fragrance all around him. He realised what it was when he felt an arm around him and the warmth of another person holding him close, that fragrance could only belong to Mick. He smiled as he remembered that Mick had finally agreed to share his bed last night, because before that, they were taking it in turns where one would have the bed one night and the other would sleep on the sofa. Mick had insisted on it up until last night because sometimes, Dave could not keep his hands to himself. Mick wanted to make love to Dave with a clear conscience, which he would not have until they were both legally adults.
Dave smiled to himself again, because now he had come of age, there would be no more kissing each other good night before going off to sleep in separate rooms. From now on, Mick would be the first thing he would see when he woke up every morning and the last thing every night, he planned to wake up next to the man he loved every day for the rest of his life. Dave turned over to face Mick; the drummer had not yet awoken. It did not matter, because Dave loved watching him sleep. Dave no longer cared for birthday presents when he had all he wanted right beside him; Mick was all he needed.
Dave looked at Mick’s beautiful and serene face, the drummer almost looked as though he was smiling, and Dave hoped he was having a lovely dream. Dave had no idea what was going to happen on his birthday, but he knew that at the very least his mother would call him, as she had done just about every day since once again, her favourite child had flown the nest, this time for good. Dave almost wished he had never bought her that damn telephone for the house...then again, it would have made no difference, because his mother would only make her way down the road to use the phone box.
As expected, Ann Davies had not reacted very well when he told her he was going back to the flat, and this time he would have a flat mate. Dave smiled as he remembered his parents making a big deal about it, and his father had said, “Dave come on, you can’t have another man living with you; what will people think?”
Dave smiled to himself, because in truth, he did not give a flying fuck what anyone thought of the man he loved living with him. Sometimes, he wanted to shout it to the rooftops that he loved Mick Avory...but he knew that was not possible and at the time, Dave did not think it would ever be possible.
The Kinks’ guitarist always said years later, that he never thought he would live to see the day when he and Mick would be able to marry.
Dave’s heart skipped a beat as his boyfriend began to stir; he smiled as Mick made the most adorable sound, and he had never known anyone ever to have the most amazing smelling breath. Dave knew Mick was going to be a pleasure to wake up next to every morning, unlike a lot of the girls he had been with.
Mick opened his eyes and yawned, oh how cute he looked when he yawned...was Mick even human? He was just too perfect.
“Good morning Dave,” Mick said in tired voice that also sounded adorable, was there anything about Mick that was unattractive? Dave had not seen it yet.
“Morning beautiful,” Dave said, kissing the drummer gently on the lips. “Love you.”
“Love you too birthday boy,” Mick smiled sweetly. “So what are your plans for today?”
“I’m staying here with you of course,” Dave replied. “What else would I want to do?”
“I was hoping you might say that,” Mick murmured. “Until your family take you away from me.”
“Never,” Dave whispered, kissing his beautiful boyfriend again, this time more deeply and passionately, and stroking the drummer’s hair, feeling it’s unusual softness. The pair snuggled together under the blankets, kissing and moaning with pleasure, completely lost in each other.
Mick then pulled away from the kiss and said in his soothing voice, “I’ve got you something.”
“Really?” Dave said in surprise, he was not expecting Mick to buy him a present. “Well thank you very much my darling, but you didn’t have to.”
“We’re together now,” Mick said, sitting up. “You can’t expect me not to.”
“I’ve got everything I need right here,” Dave murmured, looking up at his boyfriend lovingly. “I don’t want you spending your money on me as well, but that’s very sweet of you, thanks.”
“Be back in a sec,” Mick said, climbing out of bed. Dave tried to grab him, but Mick was too quick and left the room. As Dave was too lazy to follow him, he sighed and laid back down in the bed, curious as to what Mick could possibly have bought him.
A couple of minutes later, Mick returned to the bedroom with a gift bag, that he put on Dave’s knee, “Aww baby you shouldn’t have,” Dave said, kissing him on the cheek.
Dave opened the bag and took out the first present, which was wrapped up perfectly in shiny gold paper, “That’s the present I don’t mind everyone seeing,” Mick smiled and cheekily winked at his excited boyfriend, who did not hesitate to tear off the paper eagerly. Dave’s eyes widened as he unwrapped the latest Ben Sherman shirt that he had been planning to buy himself for weeks but never got round to it, obviously Mick had beaten him to it.
“Aww Mick…” was all Dave could say.
“You like it?” Mick asked, blushing slightly.
“No, I love it,” Dave answered, pulling the drummer into a hug. “I’ll wear it after I’ve had a shower.”
“There’s something else in there,” Mick pointed out, lazily, and resting his head on the pillow beside Dave. “But that’s the present I only want you and me to know about okay?”
“Okay,” Dave chuckled at the thought, and took out the smaller present which was once again wrapped in gold paper. Dave looked at it curiously; it certainly aroused his curiosity, not only it’s shape but the way it felt. Dave tore the paper that was covering this curious gift, this time with a little more difficulty because Mick had used quite a bit of sticky tape. Dave was puzzled at the present once he had unwrapped it. What on Earth was it? Mick smiled to himself at the puzzled look on Dave’s face at the metal tube he had just unwrapped and was holding in his hand.
“What is it?” Dave asked after looking at it for a few seconds. “It says KY jelly, but...I don’t even know what it’s for.”
Mick laughed, “Can’t you even guess what it’s for?”
“Well no,” Dave shook his head. “I’ve never seen it before in my life, how would I know why you’ve bought me this?”
“I told you I don’t want anyone else knowing about it,” Mick raised his eyebrows.
“Yes I know you did,” Dave laughed, because he really had no idea what Mick had on his mind. “But...why? As I said, I don’t even know what it is; come on, tell me.”
“What have you been waiting to do with me all these months since we got together?” Mick winked in the hope that his obviously very naive boyfriend would understand, but Dave still looked at Mick completely gone out, making Mick roll his eyes, so the drummer gave him another clue, “What have you been wanting us to do that I’ve been refusing to do until you’re eighteen?”
That was when the penny finally dropped for Dave, whose mouth dropped open with realisation, “Ooooooooohhhh!” Dave gasped, then he started laughing. “Of course.”
Mick was now laughing with him too, “So you know what it’s for now don’t you?!”
After Dave had got over his fit of laughter, he answered, “Er...no actually, I still don’t know what this tube of KY jelly has to do with it.”
“What do you mean?” Mick asked, looking at Dave in disbelief. “Surely it’s pretty obvious what you need it for.”
“Er...I...think I might know,” Dave answered, narrowing his eyes a little doubtfully.
“Well…you’re a virgin, so the jelly in that tube will be helpful to you.”
“I’m not a virgin!” Dave protested. “I used to sleep with girls until I met you!”
“Doesn’t matter,” Mick shrugged. “You are a virgin when it comes to anal sex.”
Dave realised that what his boyfriend had said was very true; he was a virgin in a way...but was Mick? Dave could not help but wonder.
“What about you Mick?” Dave asked curiously. “Are you a virgin?”
Dave saw that Mick suddenly became uncomfortable at this question, and got off the bed before saying, “Never mind about me, put that in your bedside drawer for later. I’m going to get a shower, and after that, I plan to make a cake for your birthday too.”
“Really?” Dave said, feeling the need to change the subject quickly before upsetting his boyfriend further. “That’s nice, I can’t wait to taste it.”
“Hope you like chocolate,” Mick smiled at him. “I always thought you can’t go wrong with a chocolate birthday cake.”
“Oh it’s my favourite,” Dave said happily. “Thank you Mick.”
“I know you’ll probably get another cake from your mum or someone else in your family,” Mick shrugged. “But I just wanted to show you how good I am at baking; Rachel taught me all she knows about cooking, and now she seems to think I’m better than her.”
“I bet you are,” Dave laughed. “And you’re right; I’m sure someone else will make me a cake too, it’ll be either my mum or Lorna. Chances are Lorna will make it and then Mum will take the credit.”
“Really?” Mick said, looking aghast at such an idea. “That’s not good...anyway, I’m going to get in the shower and get dressed, then I’m going to weigh out all the ingredients after breakfast. Also I’ve got some new baking equipment I spent hours looking for yesterday while I was out shopping.”
“Aww bless you,” Dave said in admiration.”I know you’ve been making so much effort to make this flat as you would like it to be; I know I’m not very organised.”
“That’s why one of us has to be,” Mick laughed. “But it doesn’t matter, I like looking after you.”
“I’ve not regretted having you live with me yet Mick,” Dave said affectionately. “And I’m hoping today can be just you and me...for a few hours at least.”
Mick smiled, “Have a lie in for a few minutes; I’m going to get a shower then make breakfast, then I’ll start on the cake.”
“Or now I’m wide awake,” Dave decided he had had enough of being in bed, “I might go and watch our new telly, what do you think?”
“An even better idea!” Mick agreed, then disappeared down the hallway into the bathroom.
Dave had been thrilled that he was finally able to afford a television set; he and Mick had paid half and half for it as it seemed only fair, because they were living together, and it would mean they had joint ownership of it.
As he was waiting for his boyfriend to come out of the bathroom, he sat down beside the television in his pyjamas and turned it on, contemplating on which of the two channels he wanted to watch; neither looked all that interesting at the moment. Then he realised the reason for that, it was morning, and of course there would be nothing on the television. Dave sighed and turned it off, he and Mick could watch it together later while eating chocolate cake. He decided to turn on the radio instead, again he and Mick had paid for it together, the latest model. Being a Kink could be hard work at times, especially working with his brother, but it now meant they could afford to buy nice things for their flat. Dave relaxed on the sofa and listened to Radio Luxembourg, which he had got into the habit of listening to while living back with his parents, and so it continued now. As he was enjoying a song by the Searchers, he heard the phone ring. Dave rolled his eyes, sighed and got up to answer; he knew for a fact that it would be his mother calling to wish him a happy birthday, and he was not wrong.
“Happy birthday my lovely boy, it’s me!” Came the cheerful voice of Ann Davies on the other end.
“Thanks Mum,” Dave smiled, hoping to God she would not tell him to come over...no such luck.
“When are you going to come over sweetness?” She asked. “I’ve missed you, I’ve got some presents for you and I want you to come over for dinner.”
Dave felt guilty that he had not been to see his parents since he had left home, and he supposed he ought to go and pay them a visit, but he just wanted to be with Mick. That was when he had an idea, “Oh Mum, I’d love to come over but...if you don’t mind, can I bring Mick?”
There was a slight pause on the other end; Dave hoped this did not mean his mum was unhappy with his request.
“Oh...er...well I suppose so yes,” Mrs Davies answered, making Dave close his eyes with relief. “Yes, your friend is more than welcome to come over, the more the merrier...oh and it turns out some other friends of yours are coming over too.”
Dave’s face fell at this, why was he never allowed to do what he wanted on his own birthday? Why did a birthday have to be all about partying and socialising?
“Like who?” Dave asked, trying to sound as cheerful as he could but failing miserably.
“Oh well,” his mother did not sound all that pleased herself, “your sister decided to stick her oar in and invite your brother over, selfish bitch. You know she only asked him to come because she hasn’t seen him in ages, nothing to do with wanting to celebrate your special day...oh and guess who Ray’s bringing along with him.”
Dave thought for a second; he knew Pete was away visiting his parents so that ruled him out, “Who’s he bringing?”
“Those two manager guys of yours...er, what are their names again?”
Dave made a face at this, he had seen enough of Robert to last him a lifetime and he was the last person he wanted to see on his birthday, “Why is he bringing Robert and Grenville over?” Dave groaned. “And why do I even have to have a birthday at all?”
“Now now don’t get yourself all upset my lovely one,” Mrs Davies said soothingly. “I don’t like it any more than you, I would much rather have you all to myself, but that’s what people think they have to do on birthdays. It had all been planned before I could have any say in the matter, all I wanted was to see you; I don’t like sharing you with anyone.”
“What exactly have they planned?” Dave asked, not sure he wanted to know the answer.
“No idea my darling,” Mrs Davies sighed. “But if it means you being taken away somewhere then I won’t like it. All I wanted was to bake you a nice cake and cook you a lovely dinner...well, I think they’re all coming over for dinner now, but afterwards I heard they were going to be taking you out somewhere.”
“But all I want to do is…” Dave began, but then stopped himself because he was about to tell his mother how all he wanted to do was spend his birthday at home, in the flat with Mick, cuddling up on the sofa and eating cake. He knew however, that even his mother would think it weird that any eighteen year old would want to spend their birthday at home doing nothing, so he immediately changed the subject. “So...what time do you want me over?”
Dave hoped he would not have to go anywhere for a good few hours yet, and was relieved when his mother told him dinner would be served at six o’clock that evening. Perfect, so he could be with Mick after all...until his mother added, “But Dave my love, just because we’re not eating dinner until later, doesn’t mean you can’t come over now and see me.”
No fucking way, Dave thought. I want to spend the day with Mick!
He decided to quickly make an excuse, “Umm...well...I won’t be able to come over just yet Mum, you see...I’ve got a few things I need to do first.”
“Like what?” Ann asked, with obvious disappointment, making Dave feel like strangling his mother for making him feel guilty, obviously he could not tell her the truth, that he was going to spend his birthday with just Mick, so he had to think up an excuse...and fast!
“Oh...well I’m not dressed for a start,” Dave explained. “And when I am, I’ve got to take some washing to the laundry, for me and Mick.”
“Well why can’t Mick take your laundry?” Ann clearly did not want to give up pressuring her son. “He should pull his weight you know if he wants to share your flat...I hope he’s paying his share of the rent!”
“Yes Mum of course he is! “ Dave sighed, he really did not want to lose his temper with his mother as he used to, because he was trying to change, but she was making it extremely hard not to do so. “It’s just that Mick took the laundry last time and I can’t expect him to do it every time; the world doesn’t stop just because it’s my birthday you know.”
“As far as I’m concerned it does,” Ann said, sounding a little sulky. “But no matter, I suppose I can wait until you’ve done what you have to do, I know you’re getting older now, and your old mum isn’t at the top of your priority list, but…”
“Now listen Mum,” Dave said firmly, but trying to be kind. “You keep yourself busy getting ready for my visit later okay? I have to do my errands before I can go anywhere I want to, but I will come over when I can...right?”
“Very well,” Ann sighed. “As long as you are definitely coming, that’s fine by me.”
“Good,” Dave said, relieved that she was finally off his back...for now. “I love you Mum, see you later okay?”
“I love you too baby,” Ann said. “Can’t wait to see you...oh and I suppose you’ve heard about the brat and this new boyfriend of hers?” ‘The brat’ was what Ann Davies sometimes called Lorna, whether she deserved it or not.
“No I haven’t heard,” Dave said, surprised. “When did she meet him?”
“At this concert she sneaked off to a couple of weeks ago,” his mother replied, then Dave remembered Lorna’s tickets to see the Rolling Stones.
“Oh yeah!” Dave laughed. “She seemed to think she was going to pull Mick Jagger while she was there!”
“Who?” Mrs Davies replied.
“The lead singer of the Stones...don’t worry about it,” Dave sighed. “But anyway who is she going out with?”
“I only met him a few day ago,” Ann groaned. “But I don’t like him; he has red hair and I hate red haired men, and he’s so scruffy...oh what’s his name now? Ginger I think, well that’s apparently what his friends call him. I don’t trust anyone with a name like that, but it’s her problem now, so long as she doesn’t keep bringing him here.”
“Is she bringing him over today?” Dave asked.
“Probably knowing my luck,” Ann grumbled. “Lucky that Miss Ma’am has her father on her side, because I would have said no bloody way!”
“Aww Mum, give him a chance,” Dave said kindly. “For me, it’s my birthday remember.”
Dave’s mother kept him on the phone for another fifteen minutes or so, and by the time he had finally hung up, Mick had come out of the shower and had started cooking breakfast for them both. As it was Dave’s birthday, Mick decided to treat him to a real fried breakfast, which cheered Dave up considerably as his mother had continued to whinge about how shit her life was without him living with her and how she wished she did not have to wait so long for him to come over.
As the two sat together eating, Dave asked Mick if he would like to come over to his parents’ house with him later that evening, or rather begged him to come. Things would be so much more bearable if Mick was there, and he would not have to put up with his brother and their infuriating manager Robert by himself, and he would not feel so upset when his mother put Lorna down in front of others, as Dave began to worry was going to happen. It was the first time he had started caring about Lorna, but recently he had come to realise how important his family was to him, but Mick was now the most important person of all.
It made Dave’s day when his boyfriend said yes, he would love to come, as it would be nice to meet some of his family.
Dave spent the rest of the day with Mick and made the most of it. Mick made the most beautiful chocolate cake for him, and as it was baking in the oven, the most amazing chocolatey smell filled the entire flat making Dave’s mouth water. Then later, after the cake had cooled down, Mick filled it with jam and cream and melted a big bar of Dave’s favourite chocolate and used it as icing for the top of the cake, then he put cherries and chocolate flakes on the top, and it looked delicious.
Dave wished he did not have to go out that evening; he just wanted to share the cake with Mick and just relax and make love, but they agreed to put off making love until they knew they had a whole day to themselves. Still, he was with Mick, and was glad of the time they spent together before the drama that was to unfold at his parents’ home that evening.
Notes:
***NEXT CHAPTER***
Mick accompanies Dave to his parents' house to celebrate Dave's 18th birthday, but the evening cannot go by without some added drama.I am considering writing a series of fluffy one shots about Mick and Dave during their time in Spunker's Squalor (this was what the real Mick and Dave called the place they shared) and maybe some smutty ones too, because so much would have happened during the period of time Love me is set in that I just haven't got room for everything all in one story. So I might well take a leaf out of my former friend Bicky Monster's book and write the fluffy bits seperately...there are actually so many stories to be told about my boys from 1963 to 1969. These one shots will be set in the same universe as my epic...but as I said, I am only thinking about it at the moment because I'm not that good at one shots.
Chapter 19
Summary:
Dave's birthday dinner causes family conflict when it's clear to everyone that he will always be his mother's favourite. Then later, Robert takes Mick, Ray and Dave to a party he has planned for the youngest Kink...where Mick's past comes back to haunt him.
Notes:
I know that there are those who think it is disrespectful to not only write fiction about a real life band and change various aspects of their lives, but change certain things about their families too. I just want all my readers to know that no disrespect is meant towards Ray and Dave's real life mother, Annie Davies, which is why I called her 'Ann' in this story instead. I am sure in real life she loved all eight of her children the same. Also I only made Dave the spoilt one because he is the youngest child and thought it would be a hoot. Also, I know nothing about Mick Avory's real life mother either, but she is only a prostitute in this story and I only gave Mick a tragic past for the hurt/comfort later on. I am sure the real life Mick Avory had wonderful parents and a perfectly normal childhood. Also Mick's mother has a different name in the story and I only paired her with the Kinks manager Robert right at the last minute. Again I must stress, if any of this makes you uncomfortable, don't read!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Dave looked at himself in the bathroom mirror. He had on his brand new shirt from Mick, and it suited him down to a tee. His boyfriend certainly had a great taste in presents, and this shirt looked far better than he had remembered when he first saw it and wanted it. Dave did wonder about the KY jelly though, because he had looked at the information on the side of the tube, and even squeezed out just a tiny bit on his hand. It had felt slippery and wet as expected; not exactly jelly, just a strange, clear liquid.
Still, there would be plenty of time to worry about that later; right now, he had to face going to his parents’ house, where apparently he was going to have to face seeing other members of his family, as well as his managers apparently...why the fuck did they have to be there? All Dave wanted was to be with Mick, yet people were just dictating how he spent his birthday just because it was his eighteenth. He cheered up however, when he felt warm hands wrap themselves around his waist, and that familiar, heavenly fragrance belonging to his beautiful Mick.
“That shirt really suits you,” Mick’s soothing voice said in his ear, making Dave feel shivers go up and down his spine. “And you look reeeeally dashing this evening Dave.”
Dave said nothing and just enjoyed the feeling of Mick’s body so close to him, then his tummy became all fluttery when the drummer placed a kiss on his cheek, his lips felt warm, his breath smelled out of this world, but Dave wanted to look at his beautiful face. He turned to face his boyfriend, looked into his eyes and kissed the drummer deeply. Dave closed his eyes and savoured each second of the kiss; in that moment, they were the only two people in the world and Dave did not want it to end...but of course it had to.
Dave looked into Mick’s beautiful green eyes, sighed and said, “I don’t want to go to Mum and Dad’s house, I’d much rather stay here with you.”
“Aww, it’s only because they want to see you Dave,” Mick said, stroking his face. “They don’t get to see you often and it sounds like your mum wants to spoil you on your birthday.”
“Yeah but it’s not just Mum I’ve got to put up with,” Dave moaned. “I don’t mind seeing my parents for a few hours, but why did Ray have to go and invite Robert?”
“Are you sure Robert didn’t just invite himself?” Mick asked, raising an eyebrow. “I wouldn’t put it past him.”
“Yeah that thought did cross my mind,” Dave moaned, putting his arms around Mick’s neck and holding him close. “That’s what worries me more; I’m just so glad you’re going to be there.”
“It won’t be that bad,” Mick chuckled, wondering why Dave was so worried about a family get together. “Just think, they just want to make you feel special on your birthday, especially as it’s a big one this year, your eighteenth.”
Dave sighed and looked at Mick longingly, “There’s only one thing I want to be doing to celebrate my coming of age,” he said, a small smile appearing in the corner of his mouth. “And you know what that is.”
“Yeah, I know how you feel,” Mick smiled lovingly at his boyfriend. “But it will be worth the wait, trust me on that.”
Dave kissed his beautiful boyfriend again, then looked at his watch, sighing, he then said, “I suppose we’d better go and get this over with...God Mick I don’t know what I’d do tonight without you by my side.”
Mick pulled up outside number six, Denmark Terrace, Dave beside him in the passenger’s seat. While Mick had been driving his secret boyfriend to his parents’ house, Dave had told him of his plans to learn to drive now he had the money, and he planned to buy himself a car in the next few months as well.
Dave had told him it would be nice if they both had their own cars, though Mick was unsure if he felt comfortable with the idea of being in the passenger seat with Dave driving; he could just imagine the younger Davies brother with road rage. He could picture the scene too...still, Mick loved Dave despite his bad temper, and wanted to encourage him in every decision he made, because that was after all, what love was about, being supportive. Dave had also told him he had grown fed up of catching the bus everywhere, and although it was great that Mick was able to drive him to Muswell Hill that evening, Dave could not expect Mick to drive him around everywhere, because after all, that could look suspicious.
If they were going to be living together, they needed to at least give off the impression that they were doing their own thing a lot of the time, and not doing everything together. Mick had agreed with this, and had wished Dave the best of luck with learning to drive.
Now they had arrived outside the house Dave had grown up in, but Dave could not wait until he and Mick could go back to their flat and just be alone together, but before he could do that, he needed to get this evening over with.
As it was dark, Dave thought it was safe to quickly take hold of Mick’s hand and kiss it. Mick smiled lovingly at Dave, “So, shall we go in then?”
“I suppose so,” Dave sighed. “The sooner we go in, the sooner it’ll be over with.”
The two young men stepped out of the car and walked to the front door, Mick started to knock out of habit, but Dave laughed and said, “There’s no need for us to knock sweetie; my Mum knows I’m coming and I grew up in this house remember.”
“Oh yeah!” Mick laughed, blushing slightly, which Dave thought was adorable.
Dave opened the front door and walked inside, and Mick followed him behind. They had barely walked in when a voice called out, “DAVE MY LOVELY BOY! So glad you are here at last, happy birthday my darling!”
Mick knew at once it was Dave’s mother; she looked about in her early fifties, but her hair was still peroxide blonde, and she looked as though she had dressed herself especially for this occasion. She threw her arms around her favourite son and kissed him on both cheeks, then hugged him, it looked like Dave was struggling to breathe because she was holding him so tight. Although Mick would have loved this kind of attention from his own mother, he could not help but think there must be a healthy medium, because Dave’s mother seemed to be smothering her son a little.
From what he had heard from Ray and Pete, he was starting to understand more why there was a kind of bitterness between the two brothers...or at least he could see that their mother contributed in some way to their hatred of one another.
What Dave’s mother said next seemed to confirm Mick’s suspicions about this, “Oh sweetie where have you been all day?” She whined. “I’ve been waiting for you to come over all this time, and so far the only people who have turned up are that brother of yours and Patti and Rosie...of course your other two sisters have made a no show as usual, but who cares about them? I just wanted to see you.”
“Well I’m here now Mum, and it’s not even six yet is it?” Dave smiled, and Mick could still see he was still recovering from that almost suffocating hug she had given him.
“Oh and the brat’s only just decided to turn up,” Mrs Davies groaned, meaning Lorna of course. “She’s been seeing that boyfriend of hers again, she thought she could try and bring him in here as well, but I wouldn’t have it, so now she’s sulking in the kitchen...most likely complaining to your brother about me.”
Dave decided to change the subject, “Have you met Mick yet?” He asked her. “Don’t think you have, have you Mum? He’s our drummer.”
“Nice to meet you Mrs Davies,” Mick smiled and politely held out his hand to her.
Ann took one look at Mick, she did not smile, just acknowledged his presence with a curt nod and shook his hand, but then she said to him, quite coldly, “Oh yes, you’re the one my son has kindly taken under his roof, hope you’re not taking advantage of his kindness and that you’re doing your fair share of the chores that need doing.”
Mick felt very taken aback and hurt by these comments. Why did Dave’s mother assume the worst of him? Mick did not know what to say, he smiled awkwardly, but luckily, his boyfriend came to his rescue and spoke in his defence, “Oh Mum I told you on the phone this morning, Mick’s a brilliant flat mate. He does most...no all of the cleaning, in fact I should probably do more really. It’s just I hate cleaning, and he loves it…” Dave could see that his boyfriend was looking slightly embarrassed by his words, however well meaning they were, and the drummer was clearly very upset by his mother’s rudeness towards him, so Dave just said, “Look the point is, there’s nothing for you to worry about Mum...okay?”
Ann Davies looked at Mick doubtfully, but then she looked at her son; Dave always did have a way of getting round her…”Okay Mum?” Dave repeated.
Ann sighed, and giving Mick a doubtful look, said, “If you say so my darling.”
“Good,” Dave said, relieved. “Now let’s go in there and celebrate my birthday...isn’t that why I came here?”
Mick stared in disbelief at the pile of presents his mother had bought her youngest son, far more than most eighteen year olds expected to get from their mother. Had this happened every year? Did she spoil her other children just the same? Mick had the horrible feeling that this was unlikely, because he had heard Ray discussing this several times with Pete on occasions when they were both unhappy with Dave. Ray had always bitterly complained that his younger brother was the apple of their mother’s eye, so was it really the case that the rest of the Davies children were overlooked by her?
“Did you and Mum really buy all these for me?” Mick heard Dave ask his father.
“Out of all of them, I only bought one of them,” Mr Davies answered him. “I wasn’t with your mother when she decided to go over the top buying all these things for you...oh but...this one’s from Lorna I believe.”
Mick loved Dave with all his heart, but if his mother had spoiled him like this his whole life, then no wonder he had some detestable features, and no wonder his brother resented him. Though Mick could see now, that Dave was becoming more lovable each day since they had been together..
As Dave continued to talk to his father, Mick stayed nearby him, but did not really listen as he thought back to his own childhood, when at times, his own birthday would be forgotten altogether. His birthday was never properly celebrated until he went to live with Rachel. It was the same with Christmas too.
His own eighteenth birthday had been something special, and he celebrated it with the people he had come to know as family, but he was sure he would never be able to forget the stock he came from. Mick had no idea who his father was, nor did his own mother...or so she claimed. Yet there was something in her tone when as a boy, he had asked her about his father, there was something about the way she used to answer him. Mick was only ever able to ask his mother these questions when she was in a good mood, that is, when business had been good the previous night, otherwise she would tell him to shut the fuck up and stop bothering her...or if she was feeling really down, he could get a smack in the mouth for his ‘interrogations’.
“All right Mick?” A voice interrupted Mick’s unhappy memories, it was Ray. He seemed just a little tipsy, and he was holding a can of beer in his hand, and he had another one that he offered to Mick.
Mick immediately came back to the present day, smiled at him cheerfully, and accepted the can of beer his band mate offered him, “Thank you Ray,” he said in his usual shy and gentle voice.
“You’ve met my sister Lorna before haven’t you?” Ray asked him, meaning the petite blonde woman who was standing with him.
“Er, yes I have,” Mick answered. “A couple of times actually.”
“Nice to see you again Mick,” Lorna said warmly.
“And you too,” Mick smiled back. “I hope you’re well.”
“I am, thank you,” she said. “Well, I cheered up a little since Ray turned up.”
“She was having a bad day,” Ray drawled, hugging his sister.
“Well, no actually, I was having a good day,” she sighed. “Until I came home.”
“Mum wouldn’t allow her new boyfriend to come in the house,” Ray pointed out. “Not sure why really, we have to be glad Lorna met him when she did.”
“Oh...why’s that?” Mick asked with curiosity.
“If good old Ginger hadn’t come along when he did,” Ray winked at his sister. “She’d still be after Mick Jagger.”
“Oh shut up!” Lorna responded to Ray’s banter by punching her brother playfully. “But, yes, I met Ginger at the Stones concert I recently went to, and I don’t know why but...I really took to him, and before that, I had actually made it my mission to pull Mick Jagger, because Mick seemed...perfect for me.”
“Dave might have mentioned that,” Mick chuckled. “He and I share a flat now.”
“Oh I know, poor you,” Lorna rolled her eyes, then whispered, “How are you finding it? Living with Dave I mean.”
“Oh, it’s actually not that bad,” Mick said, knowing he must choose his words wisely. “He and I...get on...really well in fact.”
“Well that would be a first, wouldn’t it Ray?” Lorna turned to her brother. “I mean, for someone...especially a guy, to say they actually get on with Dave. ”
Mick had no idea what to say to this without saying something that may give the game away, but luckily, he did not have to, because Ray laughed a little in his merry state and responded, “That’s very true,” he agreed. “Mick, you’re one of the few guys that Dave doesn’t seem to piss off...but then...you’re not that easily pissed off are you? You could get on with anyone.”
“I try,” Mick shrugged. “I always like to see the best in everyone, and Dave isn’t as bad as you seem to think.”
“Believe me Mick,” Ray scoffed. “I’ve known him longer than you.”
“But people can change,” Lorna pointed out. “And Dave does seem to have changed a lot; I noticed it when he was living back here for a while, he’s actually been lovely to me.”
“His moods do seem better I will admit,” Ray said. “And he hasn’t annoyed me nearly as much as he used to...though I never like to speak too soon when it comes to Dave.”
Deciding to change the subject, Mick asked, “I heard you invited our managers here Ray, is that true?”
“Not exactly,” Ray shook his head. “I suppose that’s what my brother told you?”
“He just said that you were coming here and they were coming too really,” Mick shrugged. “Maybe he thought you’d invited them.”
“I just mentioned to Robert that it was Dave’s birthday, and that Mum was expecting us all to be here to celebrate it,” Ray informed him. “I didn’t want to come at all really, but as always, to try and please my mother, I came...not that it made any difference because she’s hardly noticed I’m here at all...if I hadn’t come of course, then oh yes, she’d notice that.”
“Well I for one am glad you’ve come,” Lorna said, rubbing her brother’s arm affectionately. “It wouldn’t be any fun without you Ray...at least not for me.”
“But you still haven’t explained about Robert,” Mick reminded him with a wink. “How did he decide he was coming if you didn’t invite him?”
This made Ray and Lorna laugh, Mick laughed too, surprised at his own boldness, then Ray replied, “Robert just decided that he and Grenville...oh and a few other people were coming along with them; that’s one thing I’m not looking forward to.” He shrugged, then took another swig of his beer from the can.
“What other people?” Lorna asked, looking alarmed. “If Mum hasn’t approved them, you know there’s gonna be trouble!”
“Yeah...I’d best go and warn Dave about that now,” Ray pointed out. “If he knows about it, he’ll be able to get round Mum so she doesn’t do her nut; he’s the only one who can.”
Ray turned and looked for Dave, who was still talking to his father, and he called out, “Dave...a word!”
“All right bruv,” Dave greeted his older brother, who he had not actually spoken to yet. “How’s it goin’?”
“I’ll just go and see if your sisters have finished decorating the cake,” their father said, rolling his eyes. “It’s Patti and Rosie remember, they never could do anything without squabbling, even at the age they are now. Then we should be eating dinner in a few minutes.”
After their father had gone into the kitchen, Ray pointed out to Dave, “I’d go and have a word with Mum if I were you.”
Dave noticed that Ray was a little on the drunk side.
“About what?” Dave asked, frowning.
“Robert’s supposed to be bringing some people to the house that she doesn’t know about,” Ray replied, waving his hand in a drunken manner, making Dave a little irritated.
“What are you talking about Ray?” Dave asked in frustration. “Why would Robert bring new people to the house without permission?”
“They’re probably not staying here,” Ray shrugged as he took another swig of beer. “I think we’re all supposed to be going out drinking for your birthday...well...it is your eighteenth soooo...I think Robert decided he wanted to surprise you.”
“He’s gone and arranged a party elsewhere hasn’t he?” Dave sighed.
“Possibly,” Ray shrugged. “You know what Robert’s like.”
“So what do you want me to say to Mum?” Dave shrugged.
Before Ray could answer, their parents and two sisters, Patti and Rosie, who thankfully did not squabble while decorating Dave’s cake, came out of the kitchen with several things to put on the table for dinner. They were having roast chicken with all the trimmings, which no doubt Lorna had gone to the most trouble to prepare, but their mother would take full credit for everything.
“Does everybody want to sit down at the table?” Mr Davies announced. “We’re a bit later than planned, but it’s time to eat at last.”
Dave made sure that Mick sat next to him, Ann Davies of course made sure she was next to her favourite son so Dave had them both sitting on either side of him. Ray of course was happy to sit as far away from his younger brother as possible on the opposite side, he had his beloved sister Lorna next to him. Patti was next to Lorna, their father at one end of the table right in between Patti and Mick (who would not enjoy Fred’s interrogations, but would handle them really well), and on the other end in between Ray and Ann was Rosie.
Of course, Rosie and Lorna had never really made friends since the diary incident and neither would have felt happy sitting next to the other, so all in all it was a good seating arrangement.
When everyone had enough food on their plates and had started eating, Rosie was the first one to break the silence. This did not come as a surprise to Lorna, who kept quiet the whole time her sister talked about what her husband had been up to, and how they both had plans to move to Australia one day, Yeah right, Lorna thought. Good riddance it would be of course but it would never happen; I’m just not that lucky.
Lorna did not like Rosie’s husband Arthur; he was, in her eyes, a pompous cunt. She probably disliked him even more than she disliked Rosie, and she was glad that he had not turned up to Dave’s birthday dinner. She had enough to deal with, what with her mother treating her like shit since Dave had moved out, and not being allowed to introduce the family to her new boyfriend. She hoped that Ginger was the one who would take her away from this life she had to endure at home, the only thing she was pleased about tonight was Ray being there, even if he was choosing to get drunk, which Ray did not often do.
Lorna had not wanted to cause any trouble when her mother had said no to Ginger coming into the house to say hello, and so had let it rest while she worked hard to get ready for their mother’s ‘golden boy’ coming over for his birthday. She decided later on however to speak to her father about being allowed to bring her boyfriend to the house sometimes. She was not going to allow her mother to get away with treating her the way she did. She would have her revenge one day...or justice at least. Still, even now it was not all bad; she had Ray and her father on side, as well as Patti.
Even if her mother did not want to meet Ginger, she could always arrange for her Dad, Ray, Patti and her husband Eddie to meet him somewhere else, like the Muswell Tavern perhaps. Ginger had told her he would never say no to going to the pub, and could usually get on with anyone who stayed on the right side of him.
As Lorna endured more of her hated sister’s boasting about Arthur’s wealth and the big house they lived in, she did her best to switch off from Rosie’s annoying voice and think of other things instead. She knew her mother was only reasonably pleasant to Rosie because of the money and estate her husband owned, yet Rosie did not seem to realise this.
Mick, sitting opposite of Patti, was not having a much better time, with Dave’s father sitting next to him and probing him with questions, though Mick was lucky that he had his secret boyfriend right with him, so that if his dad were to ask him something a little too personal, Dave would come to the rescue.
Mick felt uncomfortable, because Frederick Davies seemed to be concerned by the fact that he and Dave were sharing a one bedroom flat. Luckily, Dave had just the answer, “How many times have I told you Dad?” He told his father while eating. “Mick and I are sharing the flat ‘til we can find somewhere with a bit more room.”
“Oh really Dave?” Fred asked with a curious expression. “You mean you’ll both be moving into another place...together?”
Oh no, Mick thought. He doesn’t suspect anything does he?
“Possibly,” Dave shrugged, not even looking up at his dad and just enjoying his dinner. “Mick and I like it, after all we are band mates, and renting a place together does come in handy. When Mick and I first met, the first thing Mick asked me to do was meet up with him so we could jam together...and now we live together, we get to do that any time we want to.”
“But it’s only a small flat,” Fred pointed out. “Is there room for Mick to have his drum kit?”
“Oh please Dad, there’s plenty of room,” Dave said dismissively. “Mick has his own special place where he keeps his drums all the time, and the great thing is, me and him can jam all day if we want to...can’t we Mick?”
Dave put his arm around him, making Mick feel fluttery inside at Dave’s affectionate embrace, Mick just nodded in reply to Dave, “Yeah,” the drummer said quietly.
“So what are you planning to do later birthday boy?” Rosie asked Dave from the other end of the table. “Me and Patti have worked hard on your cake you know, and it’s your favourite, chocolate, so I hope you’ll at least stick around to try some before you and Ray decide to go off getting drunk.”
“Kindly remember, Rosie my dear,” Ann said, giving her fifth daughter a stern glance, “I was the one who went to the trouble to buy all the ingredients for the baby’s cake, and I mixed the ingredients together and baked it, you two just decorated it!”
“Also Rosie,” Ray slurred, he was now on yet another can of beer, “what makes you think I even want to spend the evening getting drunk with him? ” Ray pointed to his brother as he said this.
“Ditto!” Dave replied to Ray’s drunken remark. “There’s plenty of things I’d rather be doing than painting the town red with you dear brother.”
“Yes, like eating cake,” Patti laughed.
“And spending time with his mother instead of gallivanting about from pub to pub,” Ann said, clearly not prepared to let her favourite son go anywhere any time soon. “I don’t get to see my little boy often.”
“Oh Mum...of course you do,” Ray said as he drank down the last of his beer, before starting on another can. “From what I’ve heard, since Dave got you and Dad that telephone, all you ever do is call him asking him when he’s coming over.”
“Excuse me?” Ann turned on her other son. “When have you ever bought us anything since you got famous? When have you ever done anything useful in your life?”
“What the fuck…” Ray began, he was getting quite drunk as it was strong beer, but not too drunk to know what he was saying, or to stand up for himself against the unfair remark his mother had made.
“Hey come on now Ann, come on now Ray,” Fred Davies interrupted what was obviously turning into an argument between his wife and their eldest son. “Remember what we’re here for, to celebrate Dave’s birthday, and we have a guest here too,” he pointed to Mick sitting next to him, who did not know what to make of this argument, though he suspected Ray getting drunk was not helping matters, “we’re not really giving Mick here a very good impression of our family are we?”
“It was Rosie’s fault,” Lorna could not help saying. “She brought up the idea of Ray and Dave going off getting drunk together, and Mum didn’t like it, then Mum accused Ray of…”
“I only speak the truth I will have you know!” Mrs Davies raised her voice across the table to her least favourite child, then she pointed to Ray, “HE HAS ALWAYS BEEN JEALOUS OF HIS LITTLE BROTHER!”
“No he’s not!” Lorna argued back. “But if he is angry towards Dave, he has every right to be!”
“Why are we all fighting all of a sudden?” Dave asked. “We didn’t all come here to argue did we?”
“You’re quite right my lovely,” Ann said. “It’s these siblings of yours, never any respect for their mother, never did have.”
“That’s not true Mum,” Patti said. “I’ve always done my best to try and please you, so has Lorna, but whatever we did, it was never good enough.”
“You’re still arguing!” Dave sighed. “I thought we all came here to talk about nice things, like my birthday, but you all seem to want to ruin it by dragging up the past.”
“I wasn’t dragging up the past,” Lorna said to Dave. “Mum was; going on about how Ray’s never done anything useful in his life, when it’s just not true!”
“Exactly!” Ray said, downing more beer. “Well said Lorna!” He pulled his sister into a hug, and kissed her on the side of her head making her laugh, Ray always seemed to cheer her up somehow.
“Come on, let’s stop this squabbling and eat up,” Rosie said. “I want some cake, I’m sure Dave does too.”
“I’ll deal with you later!” Ann hissed across the table to Lorna, making her daughter look worried.
Mick hoped this little family argument was going to stop there, and for the rest of the meal, there was this embarrassing silence that made the drummer wish he had never come. He had to remember however, that he was there for Dave and so he tried to keep his cool, though all he wanted to do was walk out and let this family argue without him.
Was this a regular thing with a Davies get together? He wondered to himself as he tried to finish his meal, which would have been delicious if it were not for this uncomfortable atmosphere caused by members of Dave’s family giving each other evil looks across the table.
Sometimes Mick was glad he had no real family; if this was what true biological families were like, then he was better off without. He hoped that he would not have to come to this house too often, not if this was what he was going to have to put up with every time he visited. He would certainly be talking to Dave about it sometime, and indeed, there were things about himself that he would not be able to avoid talking about forever, not if he and Dave were in it for the long haul. Mick had memories that haunted him, and these memories would be hard to talk about, but if he and Dave were going to have a serious relationship, then strictly speaking, Dave did have a right to know.
After they had finished eating, and the table had been cleared, Rosie brought out the cake she and Patti had decorated, and that their mother had apparently baked herself, though once again, everyone secretly suspected this was not the case. It was a similar size to the cake Mick had made for Dave, only the icing on this one was chocolate buttercream, and Mick had covered his cake with melted chocolate.
Dave felt he was too old for people to sing Happy Birthday , but his two sisters had managed to find eighteen candles and lit them. Mick found singing Happy Birthday a little embarrassing, so did not join in. Ray, who did not want to be there anyway, held his head in his hands while Patti, Rosie and their mother sang to Dave, who lovingly tolerated this. Lorna was still feeling too pissed off to sing, and Mr Davies also felt his son was too old for this babyish nonsense and just wanted to try the cake.
“Make a wish and blow out the candles my lovely,” Mrs Davies told her son, which Dave did, rolling his eyes when Rosie told him not to tell anyone the wish or it would not come true.
Rosie then gave her brother a knife, “It’s your birthday, you have to cut the cake.”
Dave cut the cake, trying to make sure everyone got a even sized slice. As he was handing out pieces of cake to everyone, there was a knock at the door. There was no guessing who it was.
Lorna went to answer it, and was not pleased when she saw Robert. Although she did not know the Kinks’ manager at all, she could not forget the time he accused Ray of ‘chatting up’ her and Patti. Yes, granted, Robert had not actually realised they were his sisters, but still, the very idea of her own brother...Lorna did not like to hold grudges against anyone, but there was something about Robert that rubbed her up the wrong way. Still, she did not want to come across as a rude person, and although she was less than pleased to see him, she tried not to show it as Robert grinned and said to her, “Hello there sweetheart, I think we’ve met before haven’t we?”
“Yes...yes I think we have,” Lorna forced a smile. “I assume you’re here to see Dave?”
“Yeah that’s right,” Robert answered.
Then she decided she ought to introduce herself. “I’m Lorna, Ray and Dave’s sister.”
“Well it’s nice to see you again Lorna,” Robert winked as he said this. “The name’s Robert by the way, can I come in?”
Lorna knew that her mother would give her grief later for letting someone in the house who had not really been invited, but her mother had pissed her off tonight; not a new thing, but she did enjoy getting her own back by pissing her mother off too. She smiled and opened the door wide for Robert to come in.
“I’m not really staying long,” Robert pointed out to her as he walked in. “I’m hoping to take Dave and his brother out for the evening...kind of got plans for ‘em.”
“Sounds interesting,” Lorna said, not really meaning it, in fact, whatever this man had ‘planned’ for her brothers, she was sure she would not want to be with them. “Oh...Mick’s here as well...you know...the drummer?”
“That’s even better,” Robert smiled mischievously. “He can come too, in fact, Mick in particular would benefit from this thing I’ve planned.”
“What is it?” Lorna could not help but be curious. “An all night rave?”
“It will go on well into the night,” Robert winked. “I just think my boys need a good night out...only annoying thing is, Pete’s not with them.
“Where is Pete?” Lorna asked curiously. “I’ve actually been meaning to ask Ray that all evening but...he’s been too busy getting drunk.”
“He’s away at his mum and dad’s place down in Devon...so I heard,” Robert shrugged. “He took that new girlfriend of his too.”
“Pete...has a girlfriend?” Lorna asked, not liking the feeling that gave her.
“I’m surprised Ray didn’t tell you,” Robert said, looking puzzled. “In fact, I’m surprised you hadn’t heard anyway...everyone knows he’s seeing that bird who presents Ready Steady Go.”
Lorna found herself feeling...strange, and not in a good way, though she did not know why. It was a numb feeling in her chest and she did not like it. She had a boyfriend for goodness sake, so why was this piece of news unwelcome to her? Yes, she had met Pete, but only once. Yes, he was a nice guy and such a gentleman with such respect for women...but he was not her type.
Ginger on the other hand, was perfect for her; he was rugged, and he was the bad boy type. He had a sensitive, caring side but he did not show it to others on the outside. She had not known Ginger long, but he was the man for her...yet why did she not feel happy about Pete meeting someone? Still, she did not want to show how she was feeling, so she just smiled at Robert and said, “Well that’s great...I’m pleased for him. Hope it’s going really well.”
“From what I’ve heard it does seem to be, yeah,” Robert replied. “Anyway, can I go in and see everyone or...shall I just wait here?”
“Who was at the door Lorna?” Her father came out into the hallway to see who was keeping his daughter from the celebrations. “Oh...hello sir, how can I help you?”
“Hello I’m Robert,” the manager answered, offering his hand to Mr Davies. “Now let me guess, you’re Ray and Dave’s dad?”
“Yes I am,” Mr Davies smiled. “And you know my boys...how?”
“I’m the manager of their band,” Robert laughed. “Surely they’ve told you about me?”
“Oh yes of course!” Mr Davies said after thinking for a second. “Yeah I do hear a few things about you every now and again.”
“Am I all right to come in and see Dave?” Robert asked politely. “I want to wish him happy birthday, also I’ve got him a present.”
Robert held up a gift bag, that looked pretty much like it contained a bottle of something.
“Come right this way then Robert,” Mr Davies said, sounding as welcoming as he knew how. “Dave...you’ve got a visitor!”
“Who is it Dad?” Dave called out, then he saw Robert. “Oh...all right Robert, good to see you.”
“Happy birthday Dave,” Robert said cheerfully. “I bought you a little something, hope you’re having a good birthday.”
“I am, thanks Robert,” Dave said gratefully. “It’s really nice of you to get me a present. Hey, did you want some cake?”
“I’ll take a piece home with me thanks Dave,” Robert said, placing Dave’s present on the table for him. “Actually, I was hoping you three...meaning you, Ray and Mick...might want to come out this evening.”
“Nothing I’d like more!” Ray drawled, making Mick think he had definitely had enough booze for one evening. “Where are we going Bob, old boy?”
“Blimey Ray, you’ve had a bit to drink haven’t ya?” Robert laughed. “I thought Dave might want to come out for his birthday, I kind of planned for us all to do a pub crawl. Gren’s coming too, he’s waiting in the car. He’s a bit pissed off with having to drive, he said he might leave the car somewhere and get a taxi home.”
Ann Davies was sitting there now, fuming at the cheek of the man who had just turned up. How dare he come here and try to take her baby away from her? What the fuck was wrong with people, that the one good thing she had in her life was always in demand, and he had to be in other places where she could not see him? Ann knew she must not make a scene right here and now, but somebody was going to pay. Perhaps Lorna had planned this all along, perhaps she and Ray had conspired to get Dave away from her because they were jealous of him and always had been.
As that dope of a son of hers, Ray was laughing with Robert and telling him how he could not wait to get out of this house and go out with them, she turned to Dave and said to him, “Sweetie, do you have to go out?”
“Well...doesn’t look like I have much of a choice Mum,” Dave said regretfully. “It seems rude not to, Robert’s obviously planned this, and it was nice of him to think of me on my birthday.”
“You haven’t even opened any of your presents yet,” Ann said, hoping to sound sad enough to make her son feel guilty, but only because she just wanted him all to herself.
“Hey Dave,” Ray called out to his brother. “Me and Robert are going to wait in the car, Mick are you coming?”
“Umm...I’ll just wait for Dave I think,” Mick said, he had no intention of going anywhere without Dave.
“Yeah, I’m just gonna see what presents I’ve got,” Dave said, getting up and making his way to the presents he had not yet unwrapped.
“Okay, we can wait a few minutes,” Robert said as Ray pulled the manager into a hug, something he did when he was fairly drunk. “Oh come on Ray, you should have waited ‘til later on to start drinking.”
Robert dragged Ray out towards the car, and Lorna was smiling at her brother as she held the door open for them, “Have a nice time won’t you,” she said as Ray hugged her pretty tight so she could hardly breathe, then kissed her on the cheek.
“Oh I will sis,” he said, then laughed. “Tell Dave to hurry the fuck up yeah?”
“I will do my best,” she smiled, then waved as her brother staggered out to the car where Grenville was waiting for them.
“Bye Lorna,” Robert said as he walked out. “Was really nice to see you again.”
“And you too Robert,” Lorna smiled politely at the Kinks’ manager, though she was relieved he had not stayed at their house long as she was still unsure about him.
So now that Dave’s birthday dinner was pretty much over, she still had a bit longer before Dave had to go. The longer Dave stayed, the more likely her mother was to leave her alone. Lorna was not looking forward to when Dave left to go out with Ray, Mick and Robert. She would still have Patti until her husband came over to pick her up, then once Patti had left, she would help out with clearing up to keep her mother from complaining at her in the morning, then she would go upstairs to bed. Tomorrow, Lorna had a day off work and would go out and spend the day at Ginger’s house. Perhaps one day he would marry her, or at least ask her to move in with him, anything to get away from this hell she called home, because it was just not home anymore. Too many sad memories, too much pain.
Lorna sat at the bottom of the stairs as she listened to the excited sounds of her youngest brother unwrapping his presents. Why did Dave always get so many presents? Why had their mother always spoiled him and neglected the needs of her and her siblings? Why was it that their mother in particular had it in for her? Her father treated her kindly, why was her mother so different? She was just glad she had a job to go to most days so she was not stuck at home all day; her mother would only make her do cleaning jobs and run errands.
If Lorna refused to do housework, she would be out on her ear, so her mother had always told her. Yet when Dave was living at home, he could be as lazy as he wanted and their mother would not care.
She could not wait to see her boyfriend Ginger tomorrow, even though she was still reeling from hearing that Pete Quaife had a girlfriend now, she just told herself that she and Pete would not be right for one another. Even if Pete had been interested in her, she would never see him anyway, so what was the point in trying to get his attention? It would never happen. She had met Ginger at the concert for a reason, she decided. She had met him before she could make a bloody fool of herself when she went backstage to meet the Stones, because of course Mick Jagger would not be interested in her, and even if he had been, chances are, it would only have been a groupie fuck, nothing more. She had never even gone backstage in the end, unlike her two friends, who had told her meeting the Stones had been out of this world. Yet she did not care, because she had enjoyed this new guy’s company instead. All in all, it had been a blessing she had met him. As she and Ginger had sat together having a drink at the bar, Lorna had told him all about her two famous brothers, Ray and Dave from the Kinks, and how, if he did not believe her, he could come and meet them any time he wanted. Of course Ginger had believed her, but she wanted to show them off to him anyway.
The first time she had taken him to her parents’ house, her father had been warm and welcoming, and actually told her later on that he liked the guy because he looked like a ‘real man’ when so many guys wanted to look ‘poncy’ and ‘queer’ these days, which had made her laugh. Then her mother had come home, and spoilt everything by saying she did not want to see ‘that scruffy git’ in her house again. Thankfully she had not said it in Ginger’s presence, but Ann sure as hell meant it, because she refused to allow Lorna to bring her boyfriend in the house the evening of Dave’s birthday.
Lorna had cried as she said goodbye to him, but Ginger had told her not to worry as he could meet Ray and Dave any time, and he was hoping his own band would be a success sometime soon, and perhaps he would meet her brothers on his travels some day. Yes, Ginger played the drums for his band, along with two other guys, Jack and Eric, who were already looking forward to meeting her.
So as Lorna sat there, alone on the stairs, she realised that life was starting to get better, or at least, she was getting closer to her life changing in some way, and any change was better than none at all.
Dave and Mick finally managed to get out of the house at nine o’clock that night, not believing how quickly the time had gone. Of course, before he left, Dave had to promise his mother he would go and see her the following day. He just left all his birthday presents at his parents’ house, which would definitely mean he would have to go back for them. As it was still winter and quite cold, Lorna had bought him a pair of gloves, which he decided to take with him in case he needed them.
“You took your time,” Grenville said from the driver’s seat. “We were waiting ages!”
“Sorry,” Dave apologised for himself and Mick keeping them all waiting. “I had to open my birthday presents from Mum and Dad...oh and my sister got me these.”
“What did Patti and Rosie get you?” Ray asked in slightly slurred speech because he was drunk.
“Nothing,” Dave replied. “Which is fine, because after all they helped to do the cake and prepare dinner so I’m more than grateful for that.”
“Oh...well...that would be a first,” Ray drawled. “Never thought I’d hear those words coming out your mouth little brother.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Dave asked, though really, he knew the answer to that; never before had he shown gratitude for anyone’s kindness before, indeed this was all new to him, being a changed person.
“Nothing at all,” Mick decided to say, just in case of another Davies’ fight, and the drummer had seen enough disagreements for one evening with Dave’s family griping at each other at dinner, so he did not want to see any more. “We’re going out for Dave’s birthday and we’re going to have a great time with no trouble.”
“Come on then let’s get going,” Grenville said as he started the car. “Good thing we didn’t bring those girls Robert, ‘cos there’d be no room in the car for these three.”
“What girls?” Mick asked, already not liking the sound of it.
“Just a few little fans of yours we picked up and decided to invite out with us,” Robert said, with Mick hoping he was joking, because he got the feeling Robert had planned something he would not want to take part in.”
“Oh...lucky girls,” Ray murmured. “Are they pretty?”
“Very,” Robert answered. “Only the best for my boys!”
“The plan is Robert, to just allow these girls to party with us and celebrate Dave’s birthday with him,” Grenville said as he turned a corner. “It’s a once in a lifetime opportunity for three lucky Kinks fans to meet the boys...nothing more.”
“Oh come on Grenville,” Robert protested. “It’s Dave’s birthday, he deserves some fun, and he’s not had any for ages.”
“What about me?” Ray whined. “Dave’s been spoiled enough today!”
“Now Ray of course you’ll get some action too,” Robert reassured the older Davies brother. “But as it’s your brother’s birthday, he get’s first choice of whose company he wants.”
“Oh no!” Mick muttered, realising exactly what their at times, sleazy manager meant. Dave knew what Robert meant too. In the days before he met Mick, of course he would have been all for it, but things were different now. Dave was madly in love with Mick, and even though their relationship was, not only frowned upon, but forbidden by law and they had to keep it secret, he was devoted to his drummer completely. His heart belonged to Mick, and Mick alone, and as far as Dave was concerned, so did his body. There was no way he would be sleeping with anyone else, not ever. Mick touched Dave’s arm to tell him not to worry, but it did not help much, because Dave was too busy thinking of how he could get out of this.
The three Kinks arrived in Soho with their managers; they had never to this part of London before. Robert brought them to a club called The Blue Teacup . They were greeted by a beautiful woman at the door, she looked like she might be an exotic dancer by the way she was dressed, and she offered them champagne from a tray, she looked at Ray in a flirty way, in the hope he might come and talk to her later.
When she got to Dave, she wished him, “Happy birthday.”
Dave had never seen her before in his life, but obviously she seemed to know him, he smiled politely and said, “Umm, thank you...but…”
“Oh, just a little bird told me,” She winked at him playfully, and Dave instantly knew who that ‘little bird’ was. Of course it could only be Robert, and this was obviously a private party. He sighed as he and the others followed their managers to a table at the other side of the room.
This was not how Dave had planned to celebrate his birthday, but he knew he had to be gracious and accept this generous gift from Robert, who had obviously put himself out a lot and knew nothing of Dave’s new found sexual preference. Though Dave suspected that even if he did, it would give Robert all the more reason to arrange this.
“Okay boys,” Robert said excitedly. “I’m just going to bring the fangirls in now; they’re dying to meet you.”
“Ray, you need to sober up matey,” Grenville pointed out sternly. “You had too much to drink already; I shouldn’t have let you have that champagne!”
“Well if I’d known about this party and that we were gonna be meeting fans... and that I wasn’t gonna be stuck at Mum’s all evening, then I wouldn’t have got so drunk now would I?!” Ray growled. “And anyway, this is Dave’s birthday party not mine for fuck’s sake! He’s the centre of attention. I’ve been good enough to come to this so just leave me alone!”
“All the same, I’d like you to stop drinking now,” Grenville said calmly, taking Ray’s glass of champagne away from him. “You want to try and give a good impression of yourself to these lovely girls you’re about to meet...and I must point out, in spite of what Robert said, there will be no having sex with these girls; they’re only young. In fact I’m a bit disappointed in Robert that he actually chose this place...not surprised really, but still, disappointed.”
It certainly did not seem like the place to be meeting young fans, it was definitely a place for adults only. For a start, there were practically naked girls dancing around the tables, it was certainly not the kind of place where Mick had been before, nor did he want to. Women like this reminded him of his mother, whom he had very few happy memories of. He did not like to judge all sex workers because of his mother; he knew they were all people like everyone else and they all had a story behind the job they did. He was sure that once Pete heard about this place, the bass player would be glad that he had not been with them. Still, Mick really wished Pete was with them, as they could just talk and have a laugh if nothing else.
“Here we are girls,” Robert came back from where he had been, bringing in three young girls who Mick felt should not be in this place at all, but these girls were obviously excited to meet Dave on his birthday, and excited to meet the Kinks in general.
Dave greeted them warmly with a hug, allowing them all to kiss him, and signed their copies of the band’s album and singles so far.
They soon learned that these three girls were called Susan, Jane and Ellen, and as it happened, as young as they looked, they were all indeed, over eighteen and could prove it. So Robert had done nothing wrong after all bringing them into this establishment, but still, it did not seem the place that these girls would want to be, but they were quite happy to be meeting their idols. The girls also asked about Pete, and they informed the girls honestly where he was, away at his parents’ house with his girlfriend Cathy.
“Oh yes,” Susan said. “He must be really happy with her then.”
“Are you happy for him?” Ray chuckled, sipping at a mineral water that Grenville had bought him in the hope it may help to sober him up.
“Why wouldn’t we be?” Susan asked.
“Because a lot of fans don’t like the girlfriends of their favourite bands,” Ray replied.
“Yeah that’s true,” Ellen laughed. “Cynthia Lennon gets threats all the time from crazed Beatles fans. “But we’re not all like that.”
“And besides, we were really happy for Pete,” Jane added. “We’ve always liked Cathy McGowan, she seems really sweet...even though we’ve not met her...she’s always seemed...nice on the telly.”
“Of course, if he was going out with someone we didn’t like,” Susan winked as she said this, “it would be a different matter.”
The Kinks and their managers all laughed at Susan’s joke, “Well, we’re very glad that Pete’s chosen someone you girls approve of then,” Mick said, making them all laugh even more.
Mick was actually glad that these three girls seemed really nice, and all they wanted to do really was talk to the boys...at least, Mick hoped that was all they wanted, and he hoped to God no questions would be raised as to why he and Dave had not yet found themselves girlfriends.
For the next hour or so, the three Kinks enjoyed the company of these girls, hardly noticing the dancers that were parading themselves for them to see, much to Robert’s frustration, perhaps it had not been a good idea to mix fangirls with dancers. Still, these were pretty girls he had managed to pick out and it was about time his boys got laid. Mick was one who really concerned him as he seemed to live like a eunuch. Still, the night was young and there was still time...and it looked as though the drummer was getting on nicely with the dark haired one, Susan, and he even agreed to dance with her. Perhaps she was the one Mick would want...but then...what was this? Dave was on the dance floor with Ellen, who Robert personally thought was the prettiest of all of them and had been thinking what a lucky boy Dave was going to be at the end of the night when he had her in his bed...but the way the band’s youngest member was looking at Mick and Susan, in an extremely jealous way, made Robert think that maybe Dave preferred Susan to Ellen. Well, Robert could not quite understand it because Ellen was a fucking stunner...still, if Susan was the one Dave wanted, it was his birthday so he would try and make sure Mick kept his grubby hands off her. Still, at least that gave Robert hope that the Kinks’ drummer might just be a red blooded male after all and not a... No don’t be fucking stupid Robert, the manager thought to himself. Mick’s just always been a bit on the timid side is all; he needed a night out like this and a few drinks down him to bring him out of his shell.
Just then, Grenville brought him out of his thoughts, “Hey Robert, you’re wanted.”
“Huh?” Robert said, confused.
“That woman you’ve started seeing recently,” Grenville reminded him. “What’s her name? Janet...Janine?”
“Oh...you mean Janice?” Robert corrected him. “What...you mean she’s here already?”
“Yeah she wants to talk to you in the back,” Grenville told him.
“Okay well you can watch the boys for me then.”
“What do you mean?” Grenville asked, giving his co-manager a weird look. “They’re grown men, not babies, they don’t need…”
“No I mean...you see that girl Mick’s dancing with,” Robert pointed to Mick, who had Susan’s arms around his neck. “Dave’s got his eye on her, do you see how jealous he looks?”
Grenville looked, and yes, despite how stunningly pretty Ellen was, Dave did not look happy seeing Mick dancing with Susan, “Yeah, see what you mean there,” Grenville agreed. “But hey don’t worry, if Dave blows his top, I’ll come to the rescue.”
“Yeah but I did kind of promise that as it’s Dave’s birthday that I’d…”
“Oh for fuck’s sake Robert!” Grenville said, exasperated. “Yes, it may well be Dave’s birthday, but these girls have minds of their own, and if Susan feels more attracted to Mick than Dave, there’s nothing we can do about that. You can’t force Susan to be with Dave if Mick’s the one she wants, now can you?”
Robert put his hands on his hips, thought for a second and shook his head, “No,” he sighed.
“Now go and see your girlfriend and stop acting like a bloody pimp!” Grenville demanded, and he meant it too.
Robert decided not to answer that remark, and disappeared.
Mick was having a great time on the dance floor, Susan was a sweet girl and she was really interesting to talk to, but he felt bad for what he was putting his poor boyfriend through, and on his birthday too. Dave was making an effort and doing his best to keep Ellen happy, but Mick could see the pain on Dave’s face whenever Susan had her arms around him. Mick just wanted to take Dave in his arms and tell him he had nothing to worry about, but right now he could not. He decided he had danced with Susan long enough, so to spare Dave anymore jealousy and heartache, he had to make an excuse and leave the dance floor, and take Dave with him.
“Oh no that’s annoying,” Mick sighed as another slow, romantic song started to play.
“What’s wrong?” Susan asked him as she placed her hands on his chest.
“I just need the toilet,” Mick lied. “I’ll be back in a minute okay?”
Susan looked a little put out, and Mick suggested, “Why don’t you go and sit down for a few minutes Susan, keep Ray and your friend company. Susan looked over to where Ray was talking to Jane, but to Mick’s frustration, she had other ideas, “I could always come with you,” She whispered in his ear.
Quickly, Mick thought of an answer to that; as much as he liked Susan, he had no intention of taking advantage of her, even if he had been into girls, there was something wrong about having sex with someone you did not even know. Rachel had always taught him good morals in the time he had been in her care, and he would never change for anyone, “Now’s not really a good time,” he said quickly. “I really need to pee, I’ll be right back okay.”
“Okay but don’t be long!” Susan pleaded, feeling dismayed that she could not dance with him to this song in particular. She really liked Mick; he was gorgeous, gentle, kind and smelled fucking amazing, unlike most men.
Dave watched, relieved as his boyfriend finally stopped allowing that fucking bitch to practically grope him. He saw Mick walk away from the dance floor and then caught his eye, the drummer gestured for Dave to follow him, so he told Ellen (who, about three years ago he would probably have fucked quite happily), “I just need to go and have a quick word with Mick, is that okay?”
“Of course, no problem birthday boy,” she said, flirting. “Come back soon.”
“Umm...okay I will,” Dave replied, hoping he would not have to, and hurried in the direction Mick had gone.
Dave followed his boyfriend to the men’s toilets. As there was no-one in there at present, Mick pulled Dave into a passionate embrace.
“Oh Dave, I’m so so sorry to have upset you like that,” the drummer said lovingly, and held Dave’s face in his hands. “You know that you’re the only one for me don’t you?”
“Of course,” Dave said. “You know I’ll always trust you; I was upset because I was thinking how unfair it was that she got to dance with you, hold you in her arms...and I couldn’t.”
“It’s not right that you have to spend your birthday being something you’re not,” Mick sighed. “I’ll make it up to you, I swear.”
“It’s not your fault,” Dave whispered, kissing the drummer’s beautiful lips. “I was upset because, not only did I not get to spend the evening alone with you, I could also see that...well, you were...you like that girl Susan don’t you.”
Mick narrowed his eyes and tilted his head at Dave, knowing he was jealous and loving it, “Of course I like her,” he teased. “Yes, she’s a lovely girl, she’s funny, interesting and intelligent. It seems that she likes me...a lot, which is why I feel bad that I can’t give her what she wants. I really hope to God she hasn’t set her heart on me.”
“I know how she feels,” Dave sighed. “I never thought you would feel for me even half of what I feel for you...which is why I hope Susan doesn’t love you the way I loved you the first time I met you, because if she does...well I feel bad for her, really I do.”
Mick smiled at Dave lovingly, “I love you, and no-one else, understand that?” He whispered. “But I do love it when you’re jealous.”
Dave loved the sexiness of Mick’s voice when he whispered those words in his ear, but it also turned him on. He felt aroused just feeling Mick’s warm breath against him, so much so that he would have gone all the way with Mick right there and then if he thought he could get away with it, but he knew they must wait until they were in the safety of their own home. Dave knew it would only be a matter of time before someone else came in and caught them, so he pulled his shirt down over his trousers as far as it would go, which unfortunately was not very far, in the hope that his bulge would go un-noticed. Mick could not help but laugh at this.
“It’s your fault!” Dave moaned, but then he smiled too. “So what’s the plan now then? Have we got to go back in and dance with those girls again?”
“Well, it’s not even midnight yet you know,” Mick chuckled. “So the night’s still young; I think we ought to go and face the music, don’t you?”
Dave gave his boyfriend a quick kiss before saying hopefully, “You never know, they might have got bored of dancing with us now.”
Mick laughed, “Yeah maybe,” he said as they made their way out of the gents. “Don’t count on it though, and hey...it’s not that bad is it?”
“I suppose it was thoughtful of Robert to think of me on my birthday,” Dave shrugged. “And after all. I used to be quite the party animal anyway; I started young you know, then I met you and…”
“Yeah, I know all about it,” Mick rolled his eyes.
“Yeah I’m sure Ray and Pete have informed you on plenty of things about me,” Dave laughed. “Well don’t listen to them, they just like to…”
“Hey what’s that noise?” Mick said, listening hard.
“What noise?” Dave said, listening...then he heard it, a sound coming from the back room...it sounded like a woman screaming. “Yeah you’re right...you don’t think someone’s in trouble do ya?
They heard the woman screaming again, and at first, they were both worried; the woman’s screams were loud; was she being murdered?
But then…”AHHH….AHHH...FUCK….ROBERT...YES...YES...AHHH….FUUUUCCCKKK!”
“Oh my...fucking life!” Dave said in disgust. “Fucking Robert’s at it again...can that cunt ever keep his pants on for five fucking minutes?” Then Dave laughed...but Mick did not look impressed, in fact...Dave saw that the expression on his boyfriend’s face was the complete opposite of impressed, “Oh come on Mick,” he said, unable to keep a straight face. “Don’t be such a bloody prude...Robert may be our manager, but he’s just a…”
Before Dave could finish telling Mick ‘what Robert was’, the door to the back room opened suddenly, and Robert, reeking of beer and sex tumbled out, “Fucking stay in there woman,” he laughed. “You don’t want everyone to know you’re here...you’re supposed to be…”
Then the woman came out after Robert, clearly drunk, and she reeked of sex too. Dave had no idea who she was, but she looked well into her forties at least. She had red, permed hair, and she had on heavy make-up, red lipstick and large ear rings...and she was dressed in nothing but her underskirt. She did not seem to notice the two Kinks as, in her drunken state, she pushed their manager against the wall and kissed him roughly. Robert noticed Mick and Dave out of the corner of his eye and pushed her off him, his face was covered in her lipstick and he looked mortified at being seen with her, “Oh...fuck...Mick, Dave...erm...this is...a friend of mine,” he stuttered. “Her name’s Janice...I...I was going to introduce you but...you seemed to be having too much fun so I…”
“Oh my...God!” Mick whispered in horror. “All these years since I ran away from home, and you haven’t changed a bit...have you Mum?”
“W...what did you...say?” Robert said, taken aback.
The woman, named Janice, looked horrified at seeing Mick, her eyes widened in shock, and this concerned Dave, “Mick...what’s wrong?” He asked.
“I always wondered what had become of you,” Mick continued, staring at the painted woman with a mixture of shock, disgust and sadness. “But I never thought I’d see you again, yet now, out of the blue...you just turn up...and.”
The woman said nothing; she seemed as shocked as Mick. Robert was the one who spoke next, because he was totally confused, “Janice love...what the fuck is Mick going on about?”
Mick was never one to lose his temper, yet now he flared up in anger, “I’ll tell you what I’m going on about shall I?” Mick said, his voice quivering with anger. “This woman...this WHORE you’ve just been FUCKING...you want to know who she is Robert? You want to know how I know her do you? SHE’S MY BLEEDING MOTHER!!!”
Robert and Dave stood there, stunned, unable to say any more.
Mick walked away; he wanted to go home, he wanted to get away. He always wondered if one day, his past would come back to haunt him, and now it had...but certainly not in any way he expected.
Notes:
***COMING UP IN THE NEXT CHAPTER***
***GRAPHIC GAY SEX***BE WARNED***
Chapter 20
Summary:
After the shock of seeing his estranged mother, Mick reveals to Dave about his nightmare past. The couple then take their relationship to the next stage.
Notes:
***WARNING***MEMORIES OF ABUSE AND CHILD NEGLECT***ALSO, EXPLICIT GAY SEXUAL ACTS IN DETAIL***
if you are uncomfortable reading any of this, DON'T READ!!
This is a long chapter and so that is why there will be more sex in the next one, I thought if I put the whole thing in one chapter, it would be too long.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Love me til the sun shines
Chapter 20
It was now very late, just gone eleven at night. Mick walked out of the club in search of a taxi so he could make his way home. As luck would have it, there was a taxi service just nearby, and was just about to ask one of the men there if he would take him home, when he heard a familiar voice behind him, he knew immediately it was Dave, “Mick, where are you going?” He asked. “Calm down and talk to me, what’s going on? Was...was that woman...really your mother?”
“Yes,” Mick whispered, his voice full of despair at having to admit it. “Yes, she’s my mother...and I actually can’t believe I recognised her...but those screams...they brought it all back. That’s what I had to put up with as a boy, listening to her...bringing those...filthy men back to the house. I did anything and everything I could to try and block it from my mind.”
“Mick...it’s okay,” Dave said, his voice shaking because he was so worried about the drummer. “Why don’t you and I go home yeah? We’ll get a taxi, then tomorrow, we’ll go back to my mum’s house and get your car.”
Mick nodded, too tired to say any more. He felt he could not face going back to Dave’s parents’ house any time soon and certainly not tonight, not after the way Dave’s mother and some of his other family members had behaved, but he would worry about that tomorrow. For now, he just needed to rest, he needed to get his head round things.
Soho was quite busy with people out drinking and clubbing, and Mick was not used to such things; he was more the staying in type. Dave not quite so much; at least before Mick had come along, he had been the type to stay out way after midnight and sometimes he did not come home at all. Mick however, was determined to get away from the nightlife and laughter of people going in and out of the different clubs. Quite a lot of the people were drunk, and this was just not Mick’s comfort zone, so he was desperate to get into a taxi and home as soon as he could, so he and Dave could then talk. Mick did not want to talk about his past at all; he would have preferred to forget, but he knew he could not avoid talking to Dave about it forever.
Their ride home was pretty silent, after all, it was not really appropriate to talk in the taxi where someone could hear what was being said, and thankfully the driver was older and so he did not recognise them as two members of the Kinks. Mick was not in the mood to talk to anyone anyway, so he was glad of this. Dave just wanted to hold Mick, but of course he could not do that with someone there, so he and Mick sat in the back of the taxi on opposite sides, each looking out of the window on their own side, trying their best to just look like two friends.
It became harder for Dave as they got nearer their destination, as he turned to look at Mick, he saw that the drummer was staring into space and had tears running down his cheeks. Dave could do nothing while still in someone else’s presence, which he found very frustrating, but once they were back in their flat, he would be able to give Mick his undivided attention, away from prying eyes.
Once home, Mick went straight into the bedroom and sat on the bed, still reeling from the shock of seeing his birth mother. Dave asked him if he would like a cup of tea, hot chocolate or even something stronger. Mick shook his head, but smiled gratefully and whispered, “No thank you.”
Dave was not sure whether Mick wanted a hug or whether he just wanted to be left alone for a while, but he could not simply say nothing while his boyfriend was clearly hurting, so he sat down on the bed next to Mick and asked him, “Is there anything you want to talk about?”
Mick looked at Dave, smiled very weakly and replied, “Not...not sure…” Then his mouth curled downwards, as often happens when someone is about to cry, and then more tears started to form in the corners of Mick’s eyes. “I...I don’t know...where to begin really,” he said as he wiped away tears that were falling down his cheeks. “It’s so...it all happened...so long ago and...I...I made a new life for myself since then. I ran away from home at thirteen and...well to cut a long story short I...found a new family...or at least that’s what I call them.”
“Yeah...we all knew you weren’t living with your real mother,” Dave said. “But...you never mentioned running away from home before. So...we thought maybe something might have happened to make you do that...but...none of us felt we had any right to pry.”
“I hoped I would never have to talk about it,” Mick sniffed loudly and dried his face with a handkerchief he had taken from his pocket. “It’s not something I like everyone to know, how my mother was a whore...and still is it seems, I never knew my father and nor does she...or so she claims, and how she married a man who…”
Mick stopped talking before he said any more, and Dave could see it must be something bad, because the drummer started to cry again, so Dave pulled him into a hug, “I don’t know if I can tell you Dave, because if I did...you’ll be upset, and I know how angry you get and...I’ve already ruined your birthday today.”
“How the hell have you ruined my birthday?” Dave asked, taken aback, and he pulled Mick away from the hug to look him in the face. “Why do you think that?”
“Well...even before my dear mother showed up,” Mick laughed a little at his words. “I was clearly upsetting you by dancing with Susan and looking like I was enjoying it.”
“Well that wasn’t your fault,” Dave shrugged. “You were only being nice; I knew that too, but I was jealous because of people who would think what a lovely couple you would make.”
“But I felt bad for you,” Mick sighed. “So I made an excuse and left, you followed and that’s when I saw her.”
“Perhaps the whole thing was my fault,” Dave laughed. “If I didn’t make you feel guilty by looking upset, you wouldn’t have had to…”
“Oh Dave stop it,” Mick sighed and covered his face with his hands. “This isn’t helping me...and this wasn’t how I wanted your birthday to be...I wanted it to be special and it’s not, because I’m thinking about things I’d rather forget...and it’s all because we went out instead of staying here like we wanted.”
“I’m sorry,” Dave said, stroking Mick’s face. “But please let me help you Mick.”
“You can’t really help me,” Mick said quietly. “But I love you Dave, and I...I don’t really want to talk about what happened to me but...I don’t want to keep anything from you anymore...so I’ll tell you...but please don’t tell anyone else, not anyone ever...promise me that?”
“I promise,” Dave said, looking into Mick’s eyes. “Whatever you tell me...it stays with me, I swear it.”
“I...I grew up in East Molsley, that’s in Surrey,” Mick began, and Dave nodded. “For as long as I can remember, only me and my mother lived in a small house, and at night, she used to put me to bed and then go out...I never knew where to...but she used to come home in the mornings and she would be too tired to give me my breakfast. So she would go to bed and I would fend for myself.”
Dave was appalled by what Mick had just told him, “What...you mean she left you alone all night?” He asked, completely aghast. “No-one to look after you?”
Mick shook his head, “No...I was completely on my own, and...well that was normal for me.” He shrugged, and with a sad face, added, “I assumed that it must be the same for every child, that all mothers went out at night to work and left their kids at home by themselves.”
“How did you cope with that?” Dave asked him. “I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t cope very well if I’d been left alone at such a young age.”
“I suppose it was just something I got used to,” Mick sighed. “I had no choice; Mum had to work to feed and clothe me, I had no father, no other family, it was just me and Mum.”
“But that was so wrong,” Dave said gently. “Leaving you all by yourself, no-one to look after you...anything could have happened.”
“Oh don’t get me wrong,” Mick smiled again and let out a weak laugh. “It would probably have been nice to have someone comfort me after I’d had a nightmare, as kids do sometimes, and someone to take care of me when I was sick...but Mum said she was sorry but she had to work, so I just had to get on with it. She told me to be grateful that the money she brought in put food on the table and that I had decent clothes, and for that reason I learned to be grateful. She also said that I wasn’t to breathe a word to anyone that she went out at night...or that she left me by myself, because if anyone found out, I’d be taken away to an even worse place.”
“WHAT THE FUCK DID SHE TELL YA THAT FOR?” Dave could not help but raise his voice at this.
“Dave please,” Mick begged. “I’m finding it hard telling you all of this, and she may have been right, because I’ve heard that these orphanages...or children’s homes, can be pretty awful.”
“But what if something had happened to her while was out plying her trade?” Dave said in disgust. “You would have ended up in care then, especially if you had no other family...I assume that’s what she was doing when she left you on your own to go out all night...selling her body?”
“Yeah...you’re right,” Mick replied. “Sounds awful but...almost wish something had happened sooner, then maybe she wouldn’t have met that...monster she married and he wouldn’t have hurt me...at least before that, I had the freedom to do what I wanted...pretty much.”
“What happened?” Dave asked, not sure he wanted to know, but knew he needed to hear it.
“Look...before Ted Williams came along, I used to go out into the woods during the summer months,” Mick smiled at the few good memories he had. “It was lovely; when I was out in the woods, I learned to love the wildlife there...and the trees, I found peace there that I couldn’t always get at home, because there came a time when…”
Dave encouraged Mick to continue, “When…” he said, gesturing for him to say more.
“When she would start to bring men home,” Mick’s voice became shaky and he started to cry again.
“Oh my God Mick…” Dave was afraid of where this was going next. “Did these men hurt you?”
Mick shook his head, “No, no they didn’t; they were there to have sex with my mother, but I didn’t understand that at the time ‘cos I was only little, so when I heard the sounds that were coming from her room, I thought they were hurting her.”
“So...when you thought they were hurting her,” Dave said, “what did you do?”
“I...I didn’t do anything for a while,” Mick replied. “She told me no matter what I heard, that I wasn’t ever to come into her room and disturb her while she was...doing what she was doing, and so I just...covered my ears with my pillow and...tried to think of something else instead...anything else to try and block out the noise. But then one day, I heard her screaming, I really thought she was being hurt, so I couldn’t stand it any longer and ran out of my room, burst open the door and...well...it doesn’t matter what I saw, but she was really mad at me...she took me back to my room, she hit me and…” Mick’s eyes filled with tears again. Dave took hold of his hand and waited for him to continue, “She said...she should have got rid of me when she had the chance.”
Dave was heartbroken to hear Mick say those words; he was beautiful, who could ever not want him? He felt like crying himself, but he wanted to try and be strong for Mick, to hear his story.
“Mick, don’t ever think you don’t deserve to be here because of what your mother said to you,” he said, rubbing Mick’s hand, then bringing it to his mouth to kiss it and feel it’s warmth. “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me...without a doubt. Before I met you...I thought I knew everything, I thought I knew what I wanted, but I’ve never felt this happy since meeting you and that’s the truth. I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life...not ever.”
Mick smiled, “And I’m so glad to have met you Dave, and as much as this hurts me to talk about, I’m actually glad to be sharing this with you.”
“Me too,” Dave said, trying his best not to cry. “But it hurts me to think that you were hurt so bad...and that your own mother didn’t want you.”
“That’s nothing,” Mick sighed. “There’s worse to come...but...you don’t want to know the reason I ran away...it’s too...you won’t like it.”
“No...I’m sure I won’t,” Dave’s eyes were filling with tears. “But please tell me Mick.”
“It had been a few years of this...of her bringing men home for sex,” Mick continued. “Then one day she told me that wasn’t happening anymore, that she’d met someone, and she’d fallen in love, with the most wonderful man in the world...those were her words.”
“But then I’m guessing...he wasn’t so wonderful?” Dave presumed.
“She brought him home one day,” Mick said quietly. “And at first I thought he seemed all right...but was unsure because I thought of all the other men she’d brought home before, but my mother asked me to please make an effort to get to know Ted, and so to try and please her...God I would have done anything if it meant making her love me...I did, I made the effort, I think I did anyway. She told me I had to get used to Ted because...they were getting married and he was going to be my dad, and she said once they were married I would have to start calling him Dad.”
“So...what happened after that?” Dave urged Mick to continue, although he could see the drummer was finding this harder every second.
“I suppose I just sort of...accepted him,” Mick said, with a far away look. “It wasn’t a big wedding, but it was what they wanted and...I suppose I was happy that something different was happening, and I thought having a father for the first time ever might be a good thing...might be fun. To be honest...at first, Ted did seem like a decent enough bloke...my mother even started showing me more affection.”
“So...you thought after that, life would be better?” Dave asked.
“I think...I think it was better for a while,” Mick smiled, but it was a sad smile. “I was even allowed to go on their honeymoon with them...we went to Brighton...it was nice to be at the seaside for the first time ever...feel the fresh air...it was lovely. Yes, I did have some happy memories, but very few.”
“So I’m guessing...all the bad things started happening again after you got back from Brighton?” Dave asked, placing a hand on Mick’s knee.
Mick nodded, “Yes, but not for a while,” he said, that far away look still with him. “I did actually think I could trust Ted; I called him Dad just like Mum wanted, I did as I was told, did the cooking for him while she was out at work...he never worked by the way.”
“Why the hell were you doing the cooking?” Dave asked, feeling appalled at the very idea. He remembered his sister Mary did a lot of cooking when she was with them, but she had been a lot older.
“Like I said, I was used to fending for myself,” Mick shrugged. “For all her faults, my mother actually did manage to find the time to teach me how to cook and look after myself so that she didn’t have to worry about me while she was out...I really did believe that she cared about me you know...at least...I wanted to believe it. I wanted to believe that everything she did, going out at night and leaving me in the house so she could work was all for me, to provide for me.”
“So...did your stepdad appreciate all you hard work?” Dave asked. “The cooking you did for him?”
“He did...but then one day I…” Mick started to talk but then trailed off, and Dave knew Mick was about to tell him an unpleasant memory...but he had to hear it, so he urged his boyfriend to go on. “One day I got distracted while I was cooking sausages...I looked out of the window for a second and a cat came into the garden...I love cats and so I had to go and see it. I’d never seen this cat before...but he was so beautiful; he was black all over and had the most amazing, piercing green eyes I’d ever seen, they were like jewels. The cat was so friendly, he was purring and rubbing his head against me, his fur was beautifully soft and I was so distracted making a fuss of this cat, that I forgot about the sausages. Then suddenly I saw smoke coming out of the kitchen window and I remembered...then I heard my stepdad shouting. He came outside, chased the cat away and that’s when I got it.”
“What did he do?” Dave asked, worried.
“Well he started yelling at me to begin with,” Mick answered in a shaky voice. “Saying how I could have burned the house down, then he hit me, saying I needed to be taught a lesson for nearly killing him.”
“The cunt!” Dave said, angrily. “What...all because of a few burnt sausages? You were a kid, for fuck’s sake; if your mother couldn’t be there then he should have been cooking dinner, for you and for him...that’s fucking...wrong!”
“There’s worse to come,” Mick sighed. “Are you sure you wanna hear it?”
“Yes...tell me,” Dave said. “It’s hard for me to listen to, but I’m not the one who went through it.”
“Well he took hold of me and forced my hand onto the grill,” Mick tried not to cry again at having to relive such awful memories. “I burned my hand...really really bad...but he warned me...he said if I ever dared to tell my Mum what happened...he said if I told anyone...that he’d break my fucking jaw!”
Dave wished that Mick’s cunt of a stepfather was in the room with him right now, because he wanted to tell the bastard what he thought of him, that he wanted to kill him, and that he would kill him, “ Bastard!” Dave whispered, then said to Mick, “So was that when you ran away?”
Mick shook his head, “No...I stayed and that’s when the abuse continued...and sometimes I think that my mother even knew about it, I don’t know how I thought she knew...but...just a feeling I got, I don’t know why. I wanted to get away when he started coming into my room at night while she was out.”
“Oh no!” Dave gasped in horror. “Why was he coming into your room?”
“Well, that same night, he came to see me when I was in bed,” Mick continued. “He told me...that he’d let sleeping dogs lie...but I had to make it up to him.”
Dave was dreading what Mick was going to tell him after that, but he knew he had to hear it, “Go on,” he said, kissing Mick’s head and pulling the drummer into a hug, holding him close. “Tell me what he did.”
“I asked him how I could make up for burning his dinner,” Mick said as he rested his head on Dave’s shoulder for comfort. “That’s when it happened.”
“What happened?” Dave asked, holding Mick even closer and rubbing his back. “Tell me Mick.”
“He...he put his hands under the covers and...inside my pyjama trousers and…”
Dave was horrified, he knew it would be too horrible for Mick to say the rest, so he said, “Mick it’s okay...it’s okay...I think I can guess what happened next.”
“I wanted him to stop...really I did,” Mick sobbed. “But I was scared of what he would do if he knew I wasn’t enjoying it...if I asked him to stop...I was scared he’d get mad and hurt me even more...so I had to let him continue as he got into the bed with me and started rubbing his body against me...Dave it was horrible...I felt sick.”
“Shh...it’s okay Mick,” Dave whispered. “You don’t have to talk about it anymore if you don’t want to.”
“I’ve...I’ve never talked about this to anyone before,” Mick sobbed into Dave’s neck. “Well...I did tell Steve about it too, but you and him are the only ones who knew what really happened...well, Rachel...she knows I was raped but...she’s never asked me about the abuse because she doesn’t want to make me relive it. All she knows is...well she got told a few things about my home life by the police and child protection people after I told them a bit about my mother. When they heard that she used to leave me in the house all night and I thought it was normal, they decided they had to go and talk to her about it...but I was scared because I did promise her I’d never tell anyone about that but...after what he did to me…”
“Mick I’m sorry,” Dave said soothingly. “I really didn’t want you to have to relive the whole thing...but when you saw your mother tonight, I saw the upset look on your face and I knew something must have happened for you not to have seen her for so long...I don’t like seeing you so down...I just wanted to be able to understand what happened. I was always curious you know, about why you lived in foster care...but...even though when you and I first met, I was a right little cunt, but I did wonder what had happened. But at the same time I was struggling with my feelings for you...and taking it out on you and on everyone else. You’ve been through hell...so much has happened to you and you’ve still turned out to be one of the gentlest and sweetest people I know, and I’m not just saying that.”
“I suppose even though my own mother neglected me,” Mick laughed sadly again, “I learned a lot from other kids at school. I saw them at the school gates, their mothers would hug them and kiss them goodbye and tell their kids to have a good day and behave themselves at school...kids feeling embarrassed by their mothers’ displays of affection, and I was on my own thinking why does my mum never walk me to school and cuddle me before leaving me at the gates?”
“And to think...I never appreciated my own mother’s love for me,” Dave sighed, feeling ashamed of the spoilt little shit he used to be.
“That was how I learned that all kids have different kinds of parents, and not all mothers leave their kids on their own for long periods of time.” Mick said sadly. “When I was at school...I didn’t like all of my teachers, but I was determined to learn as much as I could, and I would take books home and learn to read, and I really listened in lessons, sometimes I preferred it at school to being at home.”
“Don’t blame you for that,” Dave said gently. “I hated school and was naughty most of the time.”
They both laughed at this, then Mick continued, “It was only after I got taken into care that I experienced for the first time that life can be good, if you live with the right people...still, I didn’t run away from home until my step dad raped me.”
“Oh Mick, that must have been horrible,” Dave was horrified to think what poor Mick must have suffered. “It makes me want to find that cunt and chop his fucking dick off so he can’t do that to anyone else...and I’d make him eat it too!”
“I don’t even want to think about him anymore,” Mick said in reply to Dave’s rant. “Feeling angry and wanting revenge doesn’t help me at all, it’s only makes me feel worse. I just choose to think of all the good things that have happened to me since then, like being taken in by a wonderful foster mum, adopting Steve as my brother, discovering a talent for playing the drums...that actually helps me on occasions when I do feel angry at what happened to me. Then there’s being welcomed into your band almost immediately, and of course meeting you...even though you were really mean to me at first, at least now I can kind of understand why you were.”
“And I’m glad you were able to tell me about what happened,” Dave said, kissing Mick gently on the cheek and pulling him into a tight hug. “I know it must have been so hard for you, it was hard for me to hear it, but I had to hear it, now there’s nothing you can’t tell me...God I love you!”
“I love you too Dave,” Mick whispered as he enjoyed the feeling of Dave holding him and stroking his hair.
Dave held Mick tightly, not wanting to let him go. He felt so blessed to have the drummer in his life, and to love him knowing that Mick loved him back. Dave wanted to keep Mick safe from all harm, and knowing now how much he had suffered in the past and there was not a thing he could do about it broke his heart in two. Still, he could protect him now, and would.
Dave broke away from the embrace and looked at Mick’s beautiful face. The drummer’s eyes still showed a lot of sadness, but he smiled at Dave to show he was grateful to him for listening to his sad story. Dave’s heart melted once again at seeing such a sad smile. He knew that Mick had changed him for the better; he had changed the way Dave looked at things. Dave leaned forwards and kissed Mick gently, and took his time to feel the softness and warmth of Mick’s lips against his own...he was sure he had never felt lips so soft and delicate. Kissing girls had been okay, when he had believed that it was girls he wanted, but often, he would find himself covered in lipstick...which again was not necessarily a bad thing as sometimes he quite liked the taste...yet this was different...this was somehow...better, more natural.
Dave then decided to be bold and slide his tongue in between Mick’s lips, hoping that the drummer would not mind...he did not seem to. Mick’s tongue was soft, moist, delicate and tasted clean, fresh and sweet...though Dave could not put his finger on the taste, it tasted better than any girl he had been with. Dave felt a fluttery feeling inside of him as he heard a moan escape Mick’s mouth, Dave laughed a little at this, but only because the feeling was so amazing. He knew he had never felt a love like this before. Mick broke away from the kiss briefly, and smiled at Dave lovingly, “Thanks,” he whispered.
“For what?” Dave asked him.
“Everything,” Mick murmured. “Just being there.”
“I haven’t done anything really,” Dave sighed.
“More than you think,” Mick replied. “There was a time when I thought you hated me...now I know you’re probably the one who cares for me and loves me the most.”
“I do,” Dave nodded. “So, so much.” Then he looked into Mick’s green eyes, observing their jewel-like charm. “Do you...do you want to just sleep tonight?”
“Just sleep?” Mick asked him, at first unsure of what Dave meant, but then he realised, “Oh...oh...just sleep? Umm...in all the drama this evening, I forgot that we were supposed to be…”
“Hey...hey don’t worry,” Dave reassured him. “We have plenty of time for that; I’ve waited this long so I can wait a bit longer. I know you said it was because you wanted to wait ‘til I was eighteen, but now I know the real reason is because…”
“No...no don’t think anything of the sort,” Mick said quickly. “I...I really do want us to...I just had a lot on my mind.”
“It’s okay,” Dave whispered. “I understand, just being with you and knowing that you love me is enough, and you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.”
“I do want to,” Mick whispered gently. “More than anything in the world, I want you Dave.”
Then Mick kissed Dave deeply again, and after a few minutes, the drummer moved down to his neck, “Oh...my God,” Dave whispered as he enjoyed the sensations that Mick’s sexy kisses to his neck caused him to feel. Then Dave relaxed as Mick started slowly unbuttoning his shirt, and blushed as the drummer laughed at the vest he was wearing...well, after all it was still winter.
The guitarist lay back on the bed and allowed Mick to lift up his vest and place small kisses on his stomach and chest, which sent shivers of excitement all over him. Then he blushed again as Mick noticed the birthmark above his left nipple. Mick kissed that too, saying it looked cute and wanted to get to know every part of Dave...who felt the same way about Mick and could not wait to explore his body. Dave sat up as he allowed Mick to take off his shirt altogether and then pull off his vest. Then before Mick could undo his trousers, Dave stopped him and kindly requested for the drummer to take off some clothes before he himself would allow any more of his own clothing to come off.
The drummer smiled and asked Dave if he would like to undress him, which of course Dave was more than happy to do. First off all, Dave took off Mick’s shoes; he wanted to take his time undressing him. He had seen Mick’s body before but only the top half, and even then, Mick had never allowed Dave to touch him while he was undressed, just in case one thing led to another before he wanted it to. He had however, always been allowed to watch Mick take off his top before the drummer walked into the shower. He had sometimes thought Mick was cruel making him wait all these months, but now he realised that Mick had been right when he said it would be worth the wait. He was so glad now that they had waited this long, because now he could make the most of it...and he had every intention of doing just that.
Dave removed Mick’s socks, which smelled unusually fresh, yet the drummer made a face when Dave sniffed at them, inhaling the flowery scent. He supposed it was because Mick was not aware that his feet actually smelled amazing, even after being in the same socks all day, when most people’s socks smelled disgusting. Dave could not resist taking hold of one of Mick’s feet and kissing it, inhaling it’s freshness. This made Mick laugh, which Dave loved to hear.
Dave then pulled Mick up from the bed. They were wearing only their trousers now. Both looked at one another mischievously, each knowing what the other was thinking, who would be the first to remove their trousers? Dave took hold of Mick’s belt and pulled him into a kiss, both laughing as their lips were touching. In actual fact they both were quite nervous. They then looked at one another, just a little awkwardly, then Mick, biting his lip, finally asked Dave, “Sooo...whose trousers will come off first?”
Dave answered that by undoing Mick’s belt, “Well...while we’re thinking about it,” he said as he pulled the belt out completely, “this can come off.” He dropped the drummer’s belt onto the carpet.
“How about I undo your flies next?” Mick suggested. “Then you can undo mine.”
Dave allowed his boyfriend to do as he proposed, then Mick motioned for him to do the same, which he did.
“So...who’s going to take them off first?” Dave winked.
“How about we do it together?” Mick raised an eyebrow mischievously.
Dave agreed, and so they both took off their trousers, and now all they were both wearing was their pants.
Dave looked at Mick’s amazing body. It was smooth, he was not too muscly, nor was he too thin. He touched Mick’s chest with both hands, and moved his hands up and down, feeling the combination of smooth and only slightly hairy skin.
Mick kept still and let Dave enjoy exploring him for the first time, then the drummer closed his eyes as the younger man kissed him on his right nipple, then he felt Dave’s tongue, warm and wet as he tasted him. Mick found he liked the feeling, and closed his eyes and tilted his head back slightly. Then Dave wrapped his arms tight around him and kissed his neck...first gently, then firmly until the drummer gasped with the slight pain as he realised what Dave was doing. “Owww Dave,” he winced.
“Oh...sorry baby,” Dave apologised and gently rubbed the part he had marked. “I just love your neck so much; I had to taste you...and I want to taste you everywhere...every part of you.”
“And you will,” Mick said, giving Dave a chaste kiss on his lips. “Shall we get naked and lie on the bed?”
Dave’s heart was pounding with the very thought of him and Mick laying side by side, naked on the bed...and he felt his cock getting harder each second, “Yes,” he nodded. “Let’s count to three and take them off at the same time.” By ‘them’ of course he meant their underwear, and Dave really only said this because for some reason, even though quite a number of girls had seen ‘that part of him’ enough times, he felt nervous about letting Mick see him fully naked and did not quite know why.
Mick however, did not listen to Dave’s suggestion. He shook his head, removed his pants and stood naked in front of him. Dave felt himself leaking in his underwear at such a sight, then he saw that the drummer was looking at the bulge in his pants, then Mick traced his finger right from Dave’s neck, along his chest right to his belly button until he got to his underwear. Then the drummer whispered, “Don’t be shy Dave; there’s no need to be.”
Dave felt his heart racing wildly as Mick placed his fingers over the edge of his pants, and bent down to slowly work them off. Before Mick got back up on his feet, he kissed Dave’s erection, and Dave felt conscious of the pre-cum that was leaking from his dick, but Mick said nothing, and just invited Dave to lay down on the bed. The guitarist did immediately as he was asked, because he was now so nervous, that he might have fainted if it were not for Mick’s gentle encouragement.
As they lay naked on top on the blankets, wrapped up in each other’s arms and enjoying the warmth of their bodies touching each other, Mick stroked Dave’s hair and said in almost a whisper, “You really are nervous, aren’t you Dave.”
Dave thought about this for a moment, then nodded.
“Don’t be afraid,” Mick said in his soothing voice. “Just remember...it’s new to me too.”
“So...you have no more idea what you’re doing than I know what to do?”
Mick shook his head, “I’ve never had sex in my life...well...at least not consensual anyway.”
“Oh Mick I…”
Whatever Dave was going to say, Mick stopped him by placing a finger on his lips, “Shh shh,” he whispered. “Just relax, we’ll take our time okay?”
Dave nodded, “Okay,” he agreed.
Dave relaxed as Mick began kissing him passionately, both of them caressing and touching each other all over. Dave moved his hands up and down Mick’s body, feeling its smoothness, then he decided to be a little more adventurous and as Mick climbed on top of him, Dave put his hands on Mick’s buttocks, squeezing them slightly, rubbing his arse, feeling it’s softness. Dave did wonder if Mick used something to make his butt cheeks so soft and smooth; he had never known even a girl’s bottom to feel that soft, and he had certainly felt a few of them in his time. He was just about to ask Mick what he used that made his skin so soft, when Mick did something that made Dave gasp at the extreme pleasure it gave him.
Mick had his hand around Dave’s cock and had begun jerking him off. He remembered the very first time he jerked off in the shower while thinking of Mick; it had felt good then, but now that Mick was doing it to him, it felt amazing. Dave was unable to speak, all he could do was lie still, his eyes closed, his head held back and all he could hear coming from his own mouth were sounds of excruciating pleasure that he did not want to end...ever!
Dave must have made more noise than he thought, because as Mick was still moving his hand up and down Dave’s member, the drummer gently put his hand over Dave’s mouth and whispered, “Shhh...a little quieter darling if you can; someone might hear us.”
“Don’t...don’t stop,” Dave managed to say. “That’s...fucking...amazing!”
“Thought you might like it...birthday boy,” Mick murmured in his ear and the nibbling gently on his earlobe. “It’s a good way to begin when it’s all new to you, and we don’t want to rush anything.”
“What...what other things...are there to do?” Dave panted. “It can’t get much more amazing than this.”
“I am sure there are plenty of things we can try,” Mick said as he kissed Dave passionately again. “I’m not experienced with love making, but we can improvise I’m sure.”
As Mick let go of Dave’s cock, Dave groaned, “Oh why d’you have to stop now?”
“Patience Davey,” Mick chuckled as he climbed on top of the guitarist and pushed his legs back a little, then began rubbing his own hardened cock against Dave’s...which Dave also loved...fuck, just when he thought one sexual act was amazing, Mick tries another thing that is equally if not more wonderful.
“Oh...Mick,” Dave gasped, as he wrapped his arms around the drummer as they moved up and down, backwards and forwards, their cocks nestled against each other, their balls touching. “Fuck...I love this...I love you!”
“Love...you too,” Mick said as he looked into Dave’s eyes, watching the younger man’s pupils dilate. “So...you glad we waited?”
Dave nodded, but was in so much ecstasy that he could hardly talk, but he managed a small, “Yeah.”
As they continued frotting, Dave remembered the KY lube in his bedside draw that his boyfriend had bought him as a secret birthday gift, and wondered if it would be fun to use it now...so as he was panting and grinding his body underneath Mick’s, he asked him if they could use it. Mick stopped what he was doing and looked at Dave thoughtfully...and doubtfully.
Dave was worried he had said something wrong for a minute, and so quickly added, “Or...not?”
Mick did not answer for a little longer, making Dave worry even more, “Mick are you all right?”
“Yeah...yeah I’m all right Dave...don’t worry.”
“Then...why are you so...silent all of a sudden?” Dave asked, confused. “Have I said something wrong?”
Mick shook his head, “No...no of course not Dave,” he said, stroking Dave’s hair. “It’s okay...it’s just that…”
“You...you bought that...stuff for us to use when we…”
“Yeah...yeah I know love,” Mick sighed. “It’s just with...what happened tonight and...me telling you...telling you what happened to me...and with you having never…”
“Never...what?” Dave asked.
“Never been...well...what’s the word...sodomised...fucked...buggered?” Mick looked awkward when saying these words. “God...I wish there was a nicer word for it,” he sighed.
“Doesn’t matter...so long as we both know what we mean,” Dave chuckled. “I don’t know much about...well...buggery…’cept that it’s illegal.”
“Yeah exactly,” Mick nodded. “So now you know why I wanted to wait ‘til you came of age, because I would imagine that...I’d be more of a criminal if I’d slept with you sooner.”
“Only if we got caught,” Dave shrugged. “But we’re not going to...are we?”
“It’s not just that,” Mick sighed and lay down on the bed next to Dave so they were side by side. Dave turned over so he was resting on his elbow and put his other hand on Mick’s chest, gently drawing imaginary patterns with his finger. “What is it Mick?” He asked. “Tell me.”
“I want us both to be properly prepared,” Mick explained. “When my...stepfather raped me...I was just thirteen, it was painful, horrible and I needed…” Mick made a face as he said the next words, “...I needed stitches.”
“Oh,” was all Dave could say, he felt sick at the very thought of what poor Mick had had to endure. “So does it...does it make you not want to let me do it...to you?”
Mick looked at Dave and asked him, “How would you feel about...me doing you the first time round?”
Dave thought for a moment, he had, for so long imagined himself fucking Mick...yet never imagined himself getting fucked. Perhaps it was because he had always been with girls before, and so was used to being the dominant one. Mick had always come across as the submissive type, yet strangely in that moment, he was slowly warming to the idea of roles being reversed, and the things Mick had done to him so far had been fucking mind blowing. So what would it be like to get fucked in the arse?
“I...well I...suppose I could trust you...to be gentle,” Dave said quietly. “I’ve...dreamed of this happening for so long...of you and me...yet now it’s really happening, I feel so nervous.”
“I don’t know what...consensual sex between men is like,” Mick said sadly. “But I have heard...certain things...once I overheard someone at the factory I worked at discussing it, and this book I found and...probably shouldn’t have been reading...I read that, well you should prepare your partner. Use fingers first and then…”
“So you’re suggesting...you finger fuck me?” Dave asked, unable to avoid a cheeky smile.
Mick was shocked at Dave’s crudeness, and wondered how he had got to know about such things...but then he decided he did not want to know, so he simply nodded and whispered, “Yes...yes that’s pretty much what I mean...yeah.”
Dave reached over Mick to get to his drawer, opened it and took out the metal tube with the curious substance in, which he had already opened up earlier to see what it looked like. He handed it to Mick, “I want us to just have some fun tonight...and I trust you one hundred percent Mick; I know how gentle you are, how careful you will be. I want to be broken in by you, and only you. I never want to sleep with or be with anyone else ever again.”
“Are you sure you’re okay with me being...well, in charge?” Mick asked, grinning.
“Completely sure,” Dave said, kissing him. “I want to experience this new and special thing with you, and I want us to enjoy it together.”
“Okay, as it’s the first time for you,” Mick said sitting up. “We’ll try it this way,” Mick sighed nervously and Dave waited for ‘instructions’. “Put...put your head down on the pillow...so that your bum’s facing upwards slightly.”
Dave immediately did as he was told. He knew that if he changed his mind about doing any of this, that Mick would be fine with it, and as such he had no problem with doing what his lover asked him to do. It was also obviously the case that the drummer knew little more about this activity than he did. The sad truth was, that Mick’s only sexual experience had been a rape, and Dave had only ever been with girls, but they would both be working together to make this a lovely night for both of them. What was the rush? There was no need to rush anything, it was their first time and they would just experiment together, no pressure to do anything.
When Dave had managed to get himself into a comfortable position, and was relaxed, Mick said to him, “Okay...I’m just going to put a bit of this lube on my finger...and blow on it a little to warm it up.”
“Good idea I don’t like it cold,” Dave muttered, doing his best to relax.
“Okay, now I’m going to insert my finger into your hole.”
Dave relaxed, waiting patiently for what was to come.
Mick took hold of Dave’s butt cheeks, and parted them gently; he could see that Dave was a virgin...when it came to anal sex at any rate, and so he knew he would have to be careful. He would never wish on his worst enemy (if he had one) what his miserable excuse for a stepfather had done to him, and so was determined not to hurt Dave, but prepare him properly. He inserted his index finger into Dave’s tiny hole, pushing it in slowly and gently. He could hear sighs and moans coming from the younger man already, he knew they were sounds of pleasure and not pain so he knew he was doing something right. All the same, he asked Dave if he was okay, all Dave said was, “Yeah Mick, keep doing it...please!”
Mick smiled as he pushed his finger further in...ever so gently. From the sounds Dave was making, he knew he had hit the right spot. He smiled to himself, pleased that so far, he had got it right; if he hurt Dave in any way, he would never forgive himself.
Dave did not want this out of this world experience to end, if he had known before how wonderful finger fucking felt, he would have got any one of his girlfriends to do that to him...but since before meeting Mick he had known nothing...or very little about such things, he never would have thought of making such a request. Chances are, girls did not like doing that sort of thing and so it would have been pointless to ask.
Dave relaxed as he allowed Mick to work on his hole, stretching it so that soon, he would be able to take two fingers instead of one. Then three, then...Dave wondered what it was going to be like once he was ready to take Mick’s cock. What would it be like? He looked forward to finding out because so far, everything Mick had done to him had felt amazing. Dave moaned louder, forgetting about the possibility of being heard through the wall by someone walking past. Their flat was weird in the fact that you walked in the front door, the kitchen was to the left and the bedroom was opposite on the right, so a passer-by may possibly hear something, but Dave could not think about that now as he was too busy enjoying the feeling of Mick’s finger moving up and down inside him. He then felt a cold, wet feeling against his arse, then realised what it was; Mick was applying more lube...and was that another finger that the drummer was attempting to insert? Dave hoped so.
Mick was pleased with how much easier the lubrication was making everything; he was glad that he had bought it as it was perfect for someone who was a first timer...indeed, in reality, they both were. He squeezed the silver metal tube so that more of the jelly came out onto his finger...and Dave’s hole, where he decided it was worth trying to insert a second finger as well, because his forefinger seemed to be stretching Dave nicely with the help of the lube. Clearly, by the sound of things, Dave was loving this, and so, very slowly, Mick eased in his middle finger and gently moved them both round together, then back and forth in a ‘scissor’ motion. Mick then let both fingers move back and forth together, and by the sounds his younger lover was making, he had not hurt Dave with his bold move, which he had been nervous of doing. So for the next few minutes, Mick decided to stick with just two fingers and repeat the pattern of in, out, in, twist slowly, scissor...over and over.
Dave was now seeing stars; he did not know exactly what Mick was doing, but it felt wonderful. How the hell did the drummer learn it all? Was Mick sure he was only improvising?
“K...keep going...Mick,” Dave moaned. “Ah...this is...fucking...awesome!”
After a few minutes of two fingers, Mick wondered whether to try and insert a third finger; he remembered what that illegal book that he had found in the library instructing, ‘one finger, two fingers, three fingers, dick’...but was Dave ready?
As he continued pushing his two fingers in and out, Dave moaning away, Mick opened the two fingers that were inside and squeezed more lube in between them; this time he used a generous amount. He then twisted his two fingers inside Dave one more time, then slowly...slowly inserted his third finger. Dave had been moaning up until that moment...when he stopped suddenly, Mick asked him, “Dave...are you okay?”
“Yeah...yeah,” the younger man panted. “I was enjoying it up until then...what did you just do?”
“It’s okay,” Mick reassured him. “I had two fingers in, I thought I might try putting in a third finger...or would you rather I didn’t?”
“Okay...do it slowly,” Dave said, Mick could see the teenager was sweating buckets as he lay on the pillow. “I liked it with just a couple of fingers.”
“Then I’ll keep doing it with just two then,” Mick shrugged. “It doesn’t matter.”
“No...no Mick, do what you were going to do...put in three fingers!”
“Are...are you sure?” Mick asked him, terrified of hurting Dave. “You don’t have to do anything you…”
“Do it...do it!” Dave insisted.
Mick thought for a second while he continued preparing Dave with his two fingers.
Well, here goes, he thought. Slowly, the drummer began to slide three fingers past the first ring, making Dave groan a little. Mick was unsure whether it was a sound of pain or pleasure, so Mick asked him, and Dave answered, “No...no I’m fine; keep doing it Mick...it’s good.”
Even so, Mick thought it a good idea to apply more KY jelly, then he leaned forward right next to Dave’s arse and blew on it...making Dave cry out, “Oh...fuck Mick...your breath feels so fucking good against my arse!” Mick laughed at this, kissed Dave’s backside affectionately and continued the preparation, not only by pushing his three fingers in further, but he decided to do another thing he had read about in ‘that book’. With his thumb, he massaged the area around Dave’s hole...and Dave clearly loved that.
Dave panted as Mick continued to push his beautiful fingers backwards and forwards inside him, making him see stars, clouding his thinking...sweat literally dripped onto the pillow; he had never experienced anything so amazing and that was the truth. None of his girlfriends had satisfied him like this, or at least, his fumblings with girls throughout his teenage years certainly paled in comparison to what Mick was doing to him now. A lot of the time, he had been drunk while having sex, and so had either not been able to appreciate what he had been doing, or he simply could not remember it the next day...but this...this new thing was magical.
Mick felt pleased with his efforts so far, but now he was wondering if he should try it with Dave in a different position, so he asked his younger lover if he would now lie on his back. Panting and sweating, Dave obeyed his request. Mick removed his fingers from inside Dave while the latter slowly turned over on his back, but when the drummer had applied more lube to his fingers, and was about to reinsert the same three fingers into Dave’s hole, Dave stopped him, “No,” he whispered. “That’s enough Mick.”
“Oh...oh of course...that’s fine if you’ve had enough,” the drummer smiled, he was satisfied with his efforts during their first time making love together.
“No...no I haven’t had enough,” Dave said, smiling and still panting heavily. “I meant...that’s enough preparation Mick, because I want to feel your dick inside of me. I want you to fuck me.”
Notes:
MORE HOT GAY SEX COMING UP IN NEXT CHAPTER!
Chapter 21
Summary:
Mick struggles not to let his anxieties get the better of him as he makes love to Dave.
Notes:
***WARNING***ANAL SEX IN THIS CHAPTER, ALSO, MENTIONS OF PAST SEXUAL ABUSE***NOT COMFORTABLE WITH ANY OF THESE THINGS, DON'T READ***
Since this is not one of the most important parts of the story and if you are not comfortable with any of the content I have mentioned, it is ok for you to skip this chapter if you wish.
Chapter Text
Love me til the sun shines
Chapter 21
“Are you sure you’re ready?” Mick asked after thinking for a second.
Dave looked into his lover’s eyes, “I love you Mick,” he said. “I want this more than anything I’ve ever wanted before.”
Mick took hold of Dave’s legs and placed them on his shoulders. He took hold of his own hardened cock and held it against Dave’s hole. His manhood was not overly big, but big enough to potentially cause some damage if he had not prepared Dave properly. The guitarist seemed to be more than willing, but the drummer still knew he would have to be careful.
“Do it Mick,” Dave whispered. “Let me feel you inside of me.”
Mick looked into Dave’s eyes, then leaned forward and kissed him deeply. When he broke away, he smiled and whispered, “Okay, but you have to tell me if it hurts.”
“Will you stop worrying and fuck me for goodness sake!” Dave rolled his eyes, because although it was sweet that Mick was afraid of hurting him, he could feel Mick’s beautiful dick against his arsehole and was impatient to feel it inside him for the first time. The preparation part had been fucking awesome, but now he wanted to feel what it was truly like to be fucked by a man...and of course he would not have any man; Mick was the only man, and indeed the only person he would ever want for the rest of his life, he knew that now.
Mick applied more lube to his erect penis, then squeezed a little into Dave’s hole in the hope it would help a little more, then told Dave to relax, “I am relaxed,” Dave rolled his eyes again. “I’m ready for this Mick.”
So Mick slowly eased his way in, and was surprised to find it was not as tricky as he feared; he had obviously prepared Dave well, and the fact Dave was relaxed made it easier. Mick pushed in a little more, this time it made Dave grab hold of the sheets, throw his head back and cry out, “Ahhh...ahh!”
“You okay?” Mick asked, alarmed at his teenage lover’s sudden reaction. “Did I hurt you?”
Dave shook his head, “No,” he panted. “Keep going!”
Mick did as Dave asked him, but wanted to be sure that Dave was enjoying it before he himself relaxed and enjoyed fucking him. After all, Mick had never actually fucked anyone before, he had only ever been fucked once against his will.
“A bit faster, come on Mick!” Dave wheezed.
“I don’t want to hurt you!” Mick said, still unable to stop his anxieties that he would do the same damage to Dave that his stepfather had to him.
“It doesn’t hurt!” Dave reassured him. “I want a bit more action now...please.”
Not wanting to disappoint Dave when he still felt he had ruined his birthday, Mick began with gentle...ever so gentle movements; this felt good to Mick, but still worried him half to death. He then heard however…”Ahh...that’s it...that’s better…” Dave panted throwing his head back in ecstasy and pleasure. “Fuck...I love this...Mick go faster!”
Mick sighed, bit his lip and did as Dave requested, thrusting a little...just a little harder...still not completely able to relax and almost wishing Dave was not enjoying it as much as he appeared to be. Mick was afraid to relax and enjoy the feeling...so much fear was still going through his mind...fear that he would hurt the younger boy he had come to love so deeply.
Dave knew he would need a shower by the end of this; he was sweating profusely, but he did not care. Mick felt amazing inside of him, and Dave never dreamed that getting fucked in the arse would be so heavenly. Fucking girls had been good at the time, but it sure as hell paled in comparison to this. He just wished that Mick would relax a little more and fuck him harder; he loved Mick with every breath in his body but sometimes, the drummer was just too gentle and sweet for his own good. Dave saw the worry and anxiety on his lover’s face, and decided to try and get him to relax, so he said as Mick thrusted gently into him, “Please...please don’t worry about me; I’m loving this...just...go a bit faster Mick...p...please?!”
Mick did not want to disappoint Dave, so he decided to do his best to relax. Even though what he was doing felt good to him, he had been afraid to enjoy it up until now; he was still afraid of hurting Dave, yet disappointing him would break his heart too, and so that was when he felt he ought to be a little more adventurous.
Mick bit his lip again and thrust himself in a little further, and decided because that had been pretty easy to do, he would be a just little rougher and faster. He thrust in and out of Dave at a speed that seemed to be pleasing to the teenager; Dave was moaning and saying things like, “Oh yeah...that’s good!” Also, he began saying, “Fuck,” over and over again.
Mick smiled, and now began to relax as he could see and hear that he was pleasing Dave and making the ‘birthday boy’ feel good, for want of a better word. Mick was now beginning to enjoy himself at long last, and he began to stop comparing the unpleasant experience of his own first time to what was happening now.
Since he had been raped, Mick had been put off anything to do with sex at all, with either boys or girls...but since he had met Dave, and since he had learned that consensual sex between two people who loved each other was a beautiful thing, he had begun to warm to the idea of love making. He had always promised himself that he would only ever sleep with someone he loved, and had always rejected the notion that sex and love could be a separate thing if he so desired. So Mick began to embrace this moment now, this precious time he was spending making love to Dave, making the man he loved feel good, and now realising how good it felt. Mick wanted to do this every day with Dave for the rest of his life.
Dave was loving the feeling of having Mick inside him, and now that the drummer was relaxing more and fucking him properly, it felt even more ethereal and he was seeing stars yet again. There was no way for Dave to describe it, but it was a similar feeling to being drunk...only different...it was better. For someone who had never made love to anyone, Mick was doing a wonderful job, and Dave would certainly want a repeat performance tomorrow night.
Dave watched Mick’s body move backwards and forwards with each thrust, admiring his toned muscles and stomach. Then he wanted to feel Mick’s breath right against him, so he pulled his lover into an embrace, but urged him to keep going, “It’s good Mick...it’s good,” he whispered. “Keep...going...oh fuck...I love you!”
“Hah...I...love you too,” Mick replied, barely able to speak. Now that he was relaxed, what he was doing with Dave felt so incredible. They were both sweating profusely by this time, both wrapped together in a tight embrace, each completely melting into the other, Dave’s legs wrapped tightly around Mick’s waist and Mick hoping that he would last as long as possible. Yet with each thrust, Mick felt himself closer to ejaculating. It felt incredible to be inside Dave, and it felt good to know Dave was loving every second of this.
Dave cried out in excruciating pleasure as Mick hit his prostate again and again, though Dave did not know that was what it was called, all he knew was that it was a spot that gave him pleasure when touched. Dave felt any moment he could come, and told Mick this, who answered him, “Yeah...me too...I’m gonna come inside you!”
Dave leaned forward and placed small kisses several times on his lover’s mouth; feeling Mick’s soft lips against his own was truly hot too. Dave wrapped his legs tighter around Mick, as he wanted to feel him close at all times. This day he had dreamed about for so long had finally come to pass, and he had never expected it, not in a million years. It turned out that Mick had been worth all the heartache and the tears, the only thing Dave regretted was the way he had treated Mick to begin with. Still, as much as his past behaviour pained him, there was nothing he could do about it now, all he could do was make it up to Mick by being as loving a boyfriend as he possibly could.
“F...fuck Mick...I think...I’m gonna come!” Dave gasped as his lover got up on his knees again, holding Dave’s right foot against his cheek, his left leg under his arm.
“Me...too,” Mick panted as he thrust in and out...he knew he was almost there. “Oh...oh Dave...oh my...yes…”
Mick finally came inside Dave, just as Dave ejaculated all over his own stomach and chest. Indeed, Dave never realised how amazing his own cum-shot. Mick lay back down on top of Dave, the younger man holding his lover’s head against his chest, both of them completely exhausted. Mick did not care that he was lying in Dave’s spunk; he was just too exhausted right now.
As Mick lay on top of Dave’s chest, listening to the younger man’s heartbeat, he looked at the clock by the bed; it was now half past one in the morning. It was certainly a good thing that they had nowhere to go the following day, otherwise they would never get up. He wanted to go to sleep but felt very sticky and sweaty after having sex. It was still winter and so that activity had kept them both warm, but the heating was on as well so that would certainly have contributed to their sweating so much. He looked at Dave, who was almost falling asleep, but the younger man looked at him in a tired way and smiled, “Hey gorgeous,” Dave said happily. “Any regrets at all?”
“No...of course not,” Mick smiled back. “I love you.”
“I love you too,” Dave murmured.
Mick kissed Dave, stroked his hair and then began to get up from the bed, “Hey where are you going?” Dave asked dreamily.
“Come on, let’s get a shower,” Mick said, pulling a reluctant Dave up. “I think we ought to, don’t you?”
“I suppose we should freshen up a bit, after all that,” Dave agreed.
The two made their way to the bathroom and got in the shower together; their fun was not over yet.
As Dave reached for the soap, he remembered a fantasy he had once had in the shower about Mick, not long after he had first met him. Dave smiled to think of how far he had come since then and he never thought it would become a reality. He could not believe that right now, Mick was actually in the shower with him. Mick smiled as Dave handed him the bar of soap, then his heart skipped a beat as the drummer told him to turn around.
Without asking any questions, Dave obeyed him and smiled to himself as he felt Mick rubbing the soap up and down his back, then laughed as Mick used his hands to massage the soap all around that area, then Mick said to him, “Don’t you find Dave, that your back is the hardest part of you to get to?”
“Yeah absolutely,” Dave laughed, turning around briefly to kiss his lover. “That’s why I’m so lucky to have you here.”
“You know you’re going to have to do the same for me right?” Mick said mischievously.
“Why I’d be honoured to scrub your back for you my angel,” Dave said in a comic voice, then laughed as the drummer placed his hand under his armpit and rubbed some soap under there. Clearly Mick would not be satisfied until they were both clean and fresh after getting messy on the bed.
They had fun for the next half hour, washing each other with the same bar of soap and splashing about having fun. Before they got out of the shower, Mick asked him, “So, did you have fun tonight...or I should say last night?”
“Not until we made love for the first time after you made me wait so long,” Dave answered, giving him an eskimo kiss.
“Well that was what I meant actually,” Mick laughed. “So, have I satisfied your fantasy...is there anything you want to do in the shower before we get out?”
“There’s plenty of time for you to satisfy my shower fantasy,” Dave winked. “I can see that you’re quite tired.”
Mick took hold of Dave and his hands found their way to the younger man’s buttocks, he looked into Dave’s eyes and asked, “What is this ‘shower’ fantasy? Not that I can promise to fulfil it now because I’m really tired.”
“Well...not long after I met you,” Dave giggled a little because he was slightly embarrassed and could not believe he was telling this to Mick, “I jerked off in the shower thinking about you...I imagined you sucking me off and…” Dave stopped as a look of deep horror crossed the drummer’s face. Had he said the wrong thing? Then Dave thought, had what he had just said reminded Mick of things his stepfather used to make him do? “Fuck...Mick I’m sorry!”
“It’s...it’s okay Dave,” Mick trembled a little as he said these words. “No...it’s not your fault, and I know you’d never hurt me the way he did...it’s just...come on let’s get out of the shower.”
Dave felt upset as he got out the shower and allowed Mick to put a towel round him; he felt he had ruined everything and he desperately wanted to make it up to his lover.
Mick could see that Dave looked sad, and felt bad that he had reacted the way he did, so as they were drying themselves and brushing their teeth to get ready for bed, Mick put his hand on Dave’s shoulder, looked at him through the mirror and smiled, “Hey Dave, I’m sorry.”
“No...I’m sorry,” Dave said, looking and sounding as if he was going to cry. “After what you told me earlier, I should have thought.”
“It wasn’t your fault,” Mick reassured him, kissing Dave on his shoulder and wrapping his arms around his waist. “Maybe it was my fault because I asked you if I’d satisfied your fantasies, and I should have realised that as you’ve had feelings for me for quite some time, so of course you would have had...well, those kinds of fantasies. And you didn’t know a lot about my past until tonight when I told you, how were you to know?”
“I still feel bad,” Dave said as he squeezed toothpaste onto his brush. “And stupid!”
“There’s no need,” Mick said in a comforting way. “Yes I admit, I reacted that way because it brought back memories of him forcing me to suck him off, but I know you’d never force your dick into my mouth.”
“NO...NEVER!” Dave said in shock. “Mick I love you and tonight...what we did was amazing...it was beautiful, but I also love you as a person and if you were to tell me tonight never to touch you again in that way...I...I’d respect that Mick.”
“But I want us to make love Dave,” Mick told him. “I want us to be intimate because we love each other and respect each other enough to know that if one of us doesn’t like something, the other one respects that and doesn’t pressurise or bully.”
“Mick, I love you,” Dave said. “And I admit, yes, I was kind of thinking...just thinking of asking you to...well... do that ...when we were in the shower, but then I thought, well that it should be enough that you’re here with me and that you love me like I love you. And there’s plenty of time for us to...well, do other things with each other because we have forever...well, at least I hope we will but...maybe…”
Mick laughed at the adorable way Dave tried to explain himself. It was also adorable how the younger man was blushing so much; he kissed Dave’s forehead and said, before Dave could say anymore, “It’s okay Dave; you’re tired, so am I. I’ve told you a few things about myself that I haven’t spoken about in a long time and I’m grateful to you for listening...and hey, how about we take a rain check on that…’shower thing’?”
Dave nodded and agreed, then proceeded to brush his teeth and Mick did the same.
It was after two o’clock in the morning when they were both cuddled up in bed, in each other’s arms and started drifting off to sleep.
“I love you Mick, goodnight,” Dave whispered.
“Goodnight Dave,” Mick replied sleepily. “Love you too.”
The next morning, they decided to have cake for breakfast. Yes, the birthday cake Mick had made the day before and they had not got round to eating, because of having to go out to Dave’s parents’ house. Dave said he had never tasted a cake so beautiful, and the good thing was, because it was chocolate and had cream inside, they would really have to eat it pretty quick and not leave it for too long because otherwise the cream would go off.
“I’m glad it’s still okay,” Mick said as he bit into a slice.
“It’s gorgeous,” Dave said as he helped himself to a second slice. “And the good thing is we can have it all to ourselves; it’ll last us all day and we can have some for lunch and dinner as well.”
“Hey, don’t think that’s all you’re going to be eating,” Mick said with his mouth still full of cake. “We’re going to be eating proper meals while I’m living here.”
“Oh come on, it’s only one day,” Dave pouted. “Have a day off cooking Mick, enjoy the day, and we’ve got the whole day to ourselves, so we can do as little or as much as we like, just you and me.”
“We’ve still got to go and get my car from outside your mum and dad’s house,” Mick sighed. “I won’t rest until it’s back here, safe and sound.”
“Well there you go then,” Dave said with his mouth full of cake. “No cooking today; we’re far too busy.”
Mick laughed at how cute his lover was when he talked with his mouth full, and he actually loved the idea of not cooking anything that day. He decided just for once that he and Dave would relax and have fun, after all, he was going to have to face Robert before too long.
Chapter 22
Summary:
As the Kinks prepare to play a gig in London, Robert attempts to talk to Mick about his mother. Ray looks set to find love...in the most unexpected way possible.
Notes:
So I've finally got to writing one of the most important parts of this story, the part where Ray meets the love of his life, Emma...so happy to finally introduce you to this new original character of mine.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Love me til the sun shines
Chapter 22
Promoting the band’s second album, Kinda Kinks, proved to be awkward for the band. The reason being of course, that their manager Robert could not look Mick in the eye for quite a long time following the incident at the club on Dave’s birthday. Mick made no attempt to confront Robert about it, possibly because the drummer had been terribly shocked to see his past come back to haunt him, which had caused Mick’s unusual outburst. The drummer had calmed down considerably since then, and he never liked to come across as an aggressive person; it was just not in Mick’s nature.
Another reason Mick did not want to talk to Robert about it, was that he could not face the idea of seeing his estranged mother again. Yes, this was a possibility, because it turned out that Janice Williams was not just a bit of fun that Robert had hired for the evening, but was in fact the manager’s girlfriend, who he had been seeing for quite some time. None of the band knew what to make of this, and had no idea whether to be happy for their manager or feel sorry for Mick. Dave of course took Mick’s side, but Ray and Pete (the bassist had of course not been there on Dave’s birthday, but Ray had soon filled his best friend in when he got back), still knew very little about Mick’s background prior to him being taken into foster care, and thought that perhaps Mick may have overreacted a little. After all, if Mick had not seen his birth mother for several years, then who could be sure how much she had changed in all that time she had been without her son?
One thing that Mick was grateful for, was that Robert at least had the good sense not to have Janice around when he was working with the boys; the atmosphere was uncomfortable enough already. Still despite the awkwardness, the band still managed to promote their album, and they knew that for most of 1965, they were going to be busy.
They were doing a European tour in the not too distant future. For Mick and Dave, it was just lovely that they would be at each other’s side the whole time, whereas most band members had to leave some girl behind for weeks...or even months when they went on tour. Sadly, poor Pete was one of these unfortunate souls. He was leaving his lovely Cathy behind again, and as much as he loved his position in the band, he knew that going on tour was never going to be his favourite thing to do. Cathy hated him going away as well. Still, she knew what she was signing up for when she had started dating the bassist, and the great thing was there was complete trust on both sides. It had been quite strange for Cathy since she had begun dating Pete; before she met him, no guy seemed to want to come near her. Yet now she had someone in her life, they were flocking around her and she just could not understand it. Still it was too late for any of them to say they liked her now; as far as she was concerned, these guys had had their chance.
Still, before the Kinks headed off on their gruelling but hopefully exciting tour of Europe, they were booked to do some London gigs. The first two being this coming Friday and Saturday, on the fifth and sixth of March at Wimbledon Palais. Although the boys did not know it, that gig was to take an unexpected turn and change the life of one of them forever, in the most unexpected way imaginable.
It was four thirty in the afternoon, it was Friday and eighteen year old Emma Lunne had half an hour before her shift at the office ended. She worked for a building firm in Rickmansworth, Hertfordshire. All day, her jobs were taking phone calls, typing letters and filing documents away, among other things. It may have sounded like dull work, but it did in fact pay well, and Emma had worked hard to get this job. Her father had always wanted his daughter to be an independent woman, and so Emma was determined to do him proud.
It was also great that her dad had paid for her to learn to drive and had helped her buy a car. Emma drove to work and back every weekday, and she felt proud that she had gained some independence after finally moving on from what had happened with her mother five years ago. Sometimes she felt her father had over compensated because he felt guilty for having left her alone with her mother that day when Emma was just thirteen. That was a day Emma would never forget. The day Betsy, her schizophrenic mother, in her unhinged state, tried to kill her daughter by coming up behind her and stabbing her in the back multiple times. Emma had been extremely lucky to have survived this horrific and unexpected attack, and her father had never quite forgiven himself for leaving the house, even though Emma had insisted there was no way he could have known what his wife was going to do. Since that incident, it had been just Emma and her father living together; Percy had made the heartbreaking decision to have his wife sectioned for the sake of keeping his daughter safe.
As Emma thought of these memories, she continued the last bit of work she needed to do before going home, trying desperately to forget the most terrifying day of her life, which, whether she liked it or not was always haunting her.
Emma would normally have been looking forward to going home, but this time, her best friend Sarah was dragging her off to a concert in London. Emma was not sure how she felt about this, because the band that Sarah’s boyfriend Bobby was taking them both to see was a band that she had paid very little attention to, so she knew very little about them. She had heard a few songs by the Kinks when she had been at Sarah’s house a few days ago; their music was not too bad, but she was unsure about whether she could be bothered going to see them play live. It was nice of Sarah and Bobby to buy her a ticket, and it was also a great opportunity to visit London and see the sights, but Emma was more a fan of the Who and the Beatles. Still, it gave her the chance to do something different instead of cooking dinner for her father which she normally did every night. Sometimes, having a change of scenery helped her forget the nightmares that still plagued her sometimes.
She was glad her father had no problem with her going; Percy Lunne had told his daughter he was more than capable of looking after himself just for one evening and she had nothing to worry about.
As Emma finished the last bit of typing she had to do, she sighed as she felt guilty for leaving her dad by himself, or maybe a part of her just did not want to go to this concert at all and she was using her father as an excuse...but no, she rarely went anywhere, and although she would much rather it was the Who, decided just this once to keep Sarah happy. Besides, it was not as if her dad really needed her at home...maybe the issue was more with her. Maybe Emma just liked her own space and being around a lot of people in a large venue did not sit right with her...then again, sometimes her own space could make her overthink, so perhaps it was a good thing for her to get out sometimes.
Five o’clock soon came about, and Emma got her coat on ready to leave after another hard day. Her plan was to go home, get changed and wait for Bobby to pick her up in his car with Sarah. She picked up her hand bag, and walked past the office of her boss, Mr Earnshaw. She knocked on his door, “Bye Mr Earnshaw,” she said cheerfully. “Have a good weekend.”
“Same to you Emma,” he smiled cheerfully. “Have a nice time tonight.”
“I’m sure I will,” Emma smiled, not really meaning it.
Mr Earnshaw was a friendly chap who had only begun working there a couple of months ago, and Emma had been so glad to have a new boss who she got on well with, unlike the creep who had been in charge previously. Emma had had issues with Mr Brand, who would leer at her whenever she walked into the office to begin work, and once had even slapped her on the bum, and so when he left, it was good riddance.
Emma waved to the last couple of work colleagues, who were also getting ready to leave, and then made her way down the stairs and out to her car.
She drove back to her home in Maple Cross (this was about a ten minute drive depending on traffic), and as soon as she got in, went straight up to her room to decide what she was going to wear. Emma was not quite sure why she bothered trying to look her best, as she was not really looking forward to this concert, but Sarah had advised her that she never knew when she might find Mr Right. She hoped to meet a guy who would judge her on more than her looks, but still, there was no harm in taking pride in her appearance, not that she really expected to meet the love of her life at a pop concert.
Emma looked at her bedside clock, it was almost twenty past five, and Bobby and Sarah were coming for her at six thirty so she still had plenty of time, so decided to have a bath.
Emma closed her eyes as she relaxed into the bubbles. Having a bath always helped her forget everything, especially after a hard day at work. She then remembered a rather strange dream she had had only last night. It was about the concert she was going to tonight. The dream had been complete nonsense of course...but it was a nice dream, even if it did not make sense. There was no way she would ever find a lover as easily as she had in this dream, certainly not someone from a band. As pretty as she was, she did not see herself as being worthy of anyone special falling in love with her.
That dream was too good to be true, she thought to herself as she almost fell asleep with feeling so relaxed. Dreams like that never come true; life isn’t a fairy tale.
Dave looked out from the stage of the Wimbledon Palais where they would be playing that evening. He did not even know whether to feel excited or nervous about this performance; every gig he had ever played made him feel something in either a good or a bad way, though surely by now he had got used to playing live...obviously not. The band had gone over the songs they would be doing today and tomorrow; they had slightly altered the playlist for both Friday and Saturday night’s performances, just for a bit of variety.
Dave did not care what songs they played because he was so happy to have Mick’s love, and he knew because he was so happy that he could get through a performance of any song no matter what it was or whether he liked the song or not.
There were a few songs where he himself would be singing lead, such as Milk cow blues (though Ray was singing the second verse) , Long Tall Sally and Wonder where my baby is tonight. He felt the third song was a total lie because it was clearly about a girl...still, only he and Mick knew the real truth of what Dave should be singing about, but still it did not matter. A song was just a song; it meant nothing, though Dave hoped one day to be able to write and perform a true love song that he could dedicate to the man he loved unashamedly.
“Come on Dave,” Ray brought his younger brother out of his thoughts. “Are you ready to start practising? We’re going through the whole thing now.”
Yes, the boys had decided to come early to rehearse the whole concert. Dave used to hate rehearsals with Ray and Pete. He hated it even more after Mick joined and he was having crazy feelings for the drummer, because Mick distracted him...but now he loved it and being with the Kinks was so much more fun, even if he and Ray still continued to wind each other up, sometimes on purpose. Sometimes Dave was still distracted when he could not resist stealing a glance at his secret lover; his heart would skip a beat when Mick caught his eye and smiled at him. Now he was happy for the sweet distraction, knowing that he and Mick loved each other with every breath in their bodies.
Dave took his position on the stage, as did Ray and Pete. Mick took his place behind the drums. Their managers, Robert and Grenville and a man they had only just been introduced to that day, Arthur Howes, the live show manager was there to watch their rehearsals. Arthur had worked with bands like the Beatles and so they knew that they were doing pretty well for themselves now. They had decided to open the concert with All day and all of the night; this single had reached number two and it was a song they would never get out of performing live and it seemed like the perfect song to start a show. Dave began the song with his growling, guitar introduction, then Mick made his input to the song with his drumming...then suddenly the song was ringing out around the concert hall. Robert, Grenville, Arthur and a few sound engineers began tapping their feet and dancing as Ray belted out the words:
I’m not content to be with you in the daytime
Girl, I want to be with you all of the time
The only time I feel all right is by your side
Girl I want to be with you all of the time
All day and all of the night
All day and all of the night
Dave and Pete cheerfully did their backing vocal input and before the song was over, they began to feel that this would be a great performance tonight with the wonderful song selection they had. From the rock and roll songs they used to cover as The Ravens, to the brand new ones that Ray had either written a while back, or had only come up with recently that he was considering for the next Kinks album. Yes, even though they were still promoting their second one, they had already started to discuss a third.
Once the first song had been rehearsed and they had all agreed that All day and all of the night was definitely going to be their opening number on both nights (they had in fact discussed their play lists last week), they went straight into the second song, Milk cow blues which Dave was, in his fantastic mood after the past few nights with Mick, keen to sing like he had never done before. With Ray having his own moment singing the second verse, and Pete’s bass could clearly be heard as well as Dave with his guitar solos in between, indeed the management and sound engineers almost felt like they were having their own concert just with the rehearsals.
The boys stopped for lunch after practising five songs, before coming back and ensuring they knew what they were going to do in between songs, whether it was moving straight on to the next song or saying something to the audience. Their managers agreed that they could improvise and say anything they liked to their fans or interact with each other throughout the whole gig, so long as they knew exactly which songs they were planning to do and to keep them exactly in that order as planned. The boys practised another five songs before taking another break, though they knew that during the concert they were going to be doing the whole lot in one go, and there would only be one very short break if that.
During the second rehearsal break, Mick found himself alone on the stage just fussing around his drums as he always did before heading outside to join Dave for a cigarette break. When he was satisfied they were to his liking and ready to play again in fifteen minutes, he was about to head out when suddenly he found he was not alone; Robert had turned up and looked as though he wanted to talk to Mick.
Oh no, here we go, Mick thought, but tried to look agreeable.
“All right there Mick?” Robert said in what Mick thought was a friendly enough tone.
“Hello there Robert,” Mick smiled, trying his best to sound as polite and normal as he possibly could, but he knew Robert must be able to sense some awkwardness there, indeed, the manager did look awkward himself, even if he did not mean to.
“How are you?” Mick asked him casually.
“Well...I wanted to ask you the same thing really,” the older man said in response. “I mean...we haven’t...we haven’t really...well...spoken to each other properly...you know since...well…”
Mick knew he had to finish his sentence, “Since I found you with my dear mother?” Mick said the words ‘dear mother’ in a sarcastic but not exactly unpleasant way.
Robert looked awkward and seemed genuinely upset, “Mick...look,” he sighed. “I honestly had no idea...nor did Janice...I mean...I knew she had a son but…”
“What...you didn’t know that I was her son?” Mick raised his eyebrows and tilted his head as he said this.
“No...no I didn’t,” Robert replied. “Honestly I didn’t...but...I did know that she had a son she never sees.”
“What did she tell you?” Mick could not help but be curious; he knew that what had happened to him was not Robert’s fault, and perhaps Janice had not filled her new boyfriend in on everything that had happened with Ted Williams. Mick suspected that his birth mother had told him things as if she herself was some kind of victim.
“She just...she just told me that you and her had a few unsolved problems,” Robert sighed. “That she’d often thought about you but...well she couldn’t bring herself to come and visit you when you were...well...in care.”
“I was happy where I was living,” Mick told him as he placed his drumsticks on top of his drum kit. “She wouldn’t have been welcome anyway, so she was right to stay away. Now if you’ll excuse me…” Mick began to walk away but Robert stood in front of him to stop him.
“Wait Mick, we need to talk about this,” Robert insisted.
“I’ve got nothing to talk about Robert,” Mick said matter of factly. “I’ve moved on from what happened okay. Janice probably did the most decent thing she’s ever done by staying away from me and letting me live as normal a life as possible with my new family. Look if you’ve come to me asking me to forgive her for neglecting me as a child and allowing that...monster to abuse me every night then yeah okay...I forgive her...I don’t even think about her anymore. I’m too happy to feel any hatred towards anyone. Now I really need a cigarette, so I’ll see you later okay?”
“Hey wait a minute...no,” Robert followed Mick as the drummer tried to walk out. “That’s not why I wanted to talk to you at all. And why are you calling her by her first name? She’s your mother; she deserves your respect!”
“No Robert, you’re wrong!” Mick said, trying not to sound angry because he knew it would probably just make him look bad when he had done nothing wrong. “Everyone should earn respect, no matter what ‘title’ they hold. She was never a mother to me and that’s the truth; you weren’t even there at the time, you’ve only just met her!”
“I haven’t only just met her!” Robert raised his voice and looked angry. “I’ve been seeing her for a few months okay...I just...I was so busy that I never got round to introducing her to you guys...but now...now I see it wouldn’t have been…”
“Look, I don’t know what she’s told you,” Mick said, desperate to get away, “but if she blames me in any way for what happened then...well I’m not even gonna bother to try and contradict her because I know the truth and I’ve done nothing wrong. I was always the victim okay, whether you believe it or not. Now please, I don’t wanna talk anymore about it. If you want to be with Janice then fine; it won’t change our working relationship, but I’m not having anything to do with her.”
“All right you go and have a smoke Mick,” Robert waved his hands dismissively. “But don’t think this conversation is over because it’s not.”
“Oh yes it is,” Mick said as he walked out of the door and down the corridor to find Dave. The drummer was unable to stop an angry tear falling down his face, and he could not help but want to punch Robert for bringing his past back to him. Wanting to punch someone was very unusual for Mick; he was normally so mild mannered and gentle, but when someone forcibly brought up things that he would rather forget, his whole day could be ruined.
Sadly for poor Mick, Robert was not planning to let the subject drop, but luckily, just to keep the peace between everyone and to stop the drummer from potentially walking out and messing up the band’s schedule for the weekend, the manager decided to shut up for a little while.
It was seven thirty in the evening. Emma and her two friends had arrived in London, and it had not taken them long at all to find the Wimbledon Palais, which meant they were there at a relatively early time and so did not have to wait too long to go in. The place quickly became filled with fans just dying to see the Kinks. Emma was lucky enough to be right near the stage, which was good because, if the boys were as gorgeous as a fan behind them seemed to think they were, then it would be nice to be able to see them properly. She would at least have something worth coming to this concert for, rather than being stuck at the back unable to see them and having to listen to their music...she was unsure if it was to her taste, but apparently seeing any band play live was indeed an amazing experience.
The name ‘the Kinks’ seemed to say a lot about them too...no imagination, just a dull, boring name...but that was just Emma’s opinion, and maybe her feelings now were more to do with the mood she was in at this point. She looked at her watch and sighed. The actual concert started at eight o’clock and there was still just under half an hour to go. She was sure she would have been more patient for the Who, the Beatles or even the Rolling Stones...but this band...she was starting to wish she had stayed at home. She hated having to stand about waiting for anything; she was one of these people who would rather be in a rush.
“Cheer up Emma,” Sarah said putting her arm in Emma’s. “The Kinks are well worth the wait, I promise.”
“I’m sure they will be,” Emma smiled at her friend. She was polite about everything, because she did not want to risk hurting Sarah’s feelings by telling her friend what she really thought.
“You’ll really like them, I promise,” Sarah told her excitedly. “If I wasn’t going out with Bobby, I’d definitely go for Dave...or maybe Mick. They’re both so…”
“Hey I heard that,” Bobby said in mock grumpiness. “Don’t think I can’t hear you mooning over Dave Davies just because of the noise in here.”
Both girls laughed, then Emma said, “Actually, I looked at the picture of them on the cover of your Kinks record Sarah, and they’re not that dishy, not really.”
“Oh come on, that’s just a photo,” Sarah laughed. “You can’t always tell what a person really looks like in a photo, and they really are much better in the flesh, I promise you.”
“You haven’t seen them in the flesh,” Emma pointed out with a laugh.
“No...very true,” Sarah agreed. “But I’ve seen them on television.”
“Not quite the same thing,” Emma winked at her friend.
“Close enough,” Sarah insisted. “And far better than a photo.”
“Well, we’ll see,” Emma shrugged, feeling pretty damn confident that she would not be converted into a Kinks fan tonight or any other night.
Meanwhile, backstage, the boys were buzzing with excitement, because they got the feeling that this show was going to go down a storm. Even Mick had managed to cheer up since his run in with Robert about his mother, but Dave had certainly had something to do with that.
Nothing was going to get them down tonight and they were going to enjoy every moment of this gig.
“You ready babe?” Dave asked his lover when they managed to get a moment alone.
“Absolutely,” Mick smiled. “Nothing will get me down so long as you’re here with me.”
“Same here,” Dave agreed, placing a sneaky kiss on Mick’s cheek when he was sure that nobody was there to see him. “I’ve been so much happier since you and I have been together, you know that? Not as lonely anymore.”
“Me too,” Mick said, clutching his drum sticks and looking at Dave lovingly. “Just hope we can please our audience tonight.”
“We will,” Dave told him. “I just know it.”
Dave gave Mick a hug to let him know that it was all going to be fine, both on stage tonight and in his own life, however complicated it was, “I’m here for you,” Dave whispered. “Remember that.”
“I know,” Mick whispered back. “I’ll be fine.”
Pete did not want Mick and Dave to know how much he had noticed the closeness between the pair, and so the bassist pretended not to notice anything when he spotted the two of them hugging. He did not however, want Ray to see the apparent intimacy between his younger brother and Mick, and so he decided to be casual and go up and talk to the pair before the band’s lead singer came out and caught them. Pete waited until the two had pulled away from the embrace they had clearly been enjoying, then he walked over to the two of them as if he had seen nothing, smiled as the two of them looked at him slightly alarmed, which Pete also pretended not to notice, and said to them, “All right you two, what’s up?”
“What’s up?” Dave said, looking slightly on the defensive side. “Umm...er...nothing...I mean...do we look as if something’s up?”
“No,” Pete said quickly. “I just thought you both seemed a bit…”
“What...nervous?” Mick asked with what sounded to Pete like a nervous chuckle. “No we’re actually really excited...aren’t we Dave...or...maybe I am just a bit nervous, that’s why Dave gave me a hug.”
Mick looked at Dave, then at Pete, with an expression that seemed to say, Oh shit was that the right thing to say?
“Aww that was nice of you Dave,” Pete joked. “I need a hug too.”
“Why’s that Pete?” Dave asked with a laugh. “I actually thought we were all looking forward to this concert.”
“Yeah we are, it should be fun,” Pete agreed. “But we’re going on tour soon and...I don’t know…”
“Well that should be fun too,” Dave said encouragingly. “You should be looking forward to that too; it’s exciting to travel and we should be glad to have the opportunity ‘cos not many people do.”
“You haven’t got a girlfriend Dave,” Pete sighed. “I’m gonna be away from Cathy for ages and...I just hope she’ll wait for me that long.”
“Yeah but if you trust her and she loves you then she’ll be waiting for you when you get back,” Mick said kindly.
“She says she will be,” Pete said, looking sad. “She doesn’t want me to go but...she knows I have to.”
“Yeah too right you do,” Dave said, wide eyed in alarm at the very idea of Pete pulling out of the tour, just for a girl he had only known five minutes. “You better fucking do!”
“Of course he’s coming Dave,” Mick rolled his eyes. “He’s not going to let us down.”
“No I’m not,” Pete laughed. “But remember Dave, it’s all right for you and Mick...and Ray of course, because you’ve got no-one to leave behind.”
Mick and Dave looked at one another and smiled, indeed it was completely all right for them because they loved each other and could be together the whole time. Still, Mick in particular could not help but feel sorry for Pete and asked him if he would like a hug.
“Hey we’ll both give you a hug,” Dave said, holding his arms out to the bassist.
“That’s nice of you guys,” Pete said with a weak smile, and accepted a hug from both of them, feeling happy to have such lovely band mates. He actually began to wonder what had happened to Dave, because he had changed so much, and was sure that Mick had something to do with it.
“Hey why am I left out of a group hug?” Ray had suddenly turned up and seen the three of them in a hug. Mick put his arm out for Ray to join in the group hug.
“Cos you weren’t there bruv,” Dave muttered as he secretly inhaled Mick’s beautiful scent.
“What’s all this soppy behaviour?” A grumpy voice said suddenly. The boys turned to look, and it was Robert. “Cut that out now you lot. What are you? Queers?”
“Hey that’s not very nice Robert,” Grenville, who had also turned up, scolded his co-manager. “Nothing wrong with a group hug every now and again. Anyway boys are you ready?”
“As we’ll ever be,” Ray replied, suddenly pulling Grenville into a hug. “You know, I don’t know why, but for some reason, I get the feeling my luck’s gonna change tonight.”
“In what way?” Grenville asked, curiously.
“Oh just a dream I had last night,” Ray said. “It was weird because in it, there was this girl and…”
“Oh for goodness sake this isn’t the time to be talking about dreams Ray,” Robert snapped. “Write a bloody song about it or something; you normally do. It’s nearly time to go on stage boys okay!”
“Who rattled your cage?” Ray asked, a little hurt by their manager’s attitude.
“Nothing,” Robert muttered. “It’s just that you’re on in a few minutes.”
Robert really did not look happy, and Mick could not help but wonder if it may have something to do with his mother; perhaps the two of them had had an argument. Not that it would affect his own happiness of course, because it would mean he was less likely to have to see her again...but Mick had a kind heart. If he ever had any kind of argument with Dave, he would be feeling really sad. If that was the case for Robert and Janice, then Mick’s heart actually went out to him, despite what a cunt their manager could be at times. Still, there was no time to overthink what Robert was so grumpy about; they had a show to perform and they could not let down their fans.
The time soon came for the Kinks to go onto the stage and perform the spectacular concert they had all worked so hard to put together; they waited at the side of the stage while they were announced, “Ladies and Gentlemen, the moment you’ve all been waiting for. Let me introduce you tonight to four boys who we hope to see around for a very long time. Please welcome...THE KINKS!”
The audience screamed as the boys walked onto the stage and began the first song of the evening. As planned, they opened with All day and all of the night. It sounded quite different from the rehearsals, with the crowd of screaming girls, it was slightly harder to hear what they were playing, but they managed it somehow and soon got into the song, as did the audience. Dave was a little nervous about doing his guitar solo to such a packed audience, even though he knew he should be used to it by now, he was unsure if he ever would be. Still, the youngest member of the band did what he always did when feeling like this, and pretended the audience was not there. In fact, he imagined it was just him and his beautiful Mick. Yes, that was the best way to get through a guitar solo when he was afraid of messing it up. It worked every time for Dave.
The audience cheered as that song ended, and they had enjoyed doing that song so much they would not have minded doing it again. After Ray had said, “Thank you,” into the microphone, they began immediately with Milk cow blues.
Dave began with the first verse:
Well I’ve tried everything to get along with you
But I’m gonna tell ya what I’m gonna do
I’m sick of all your cryin’, gonna leave you alone
If you don’t believe I’m going
You pack all my things, I’m gone
I’m gonna leave
Gonna leave you lovin’ baby for some day
Well if you don’t believe I’m goin’
Watch me leavin’ you this way
Then it was Ray’s turn to sing:
Won’t you please, well that sun looks good goin’ down
Won’t you please, well that sun looks good goin’ down
But don’t that ol’ moon look lonesome when your baby’s not around
Dave then did his guitar solo; the audience danced to his warm, cheerful, metallic and atmospheric sounds. The young man was a natural. Pete’s bass could also be heard on this too, and Ray had nothing to play in this part so he just danced and clapped his hands, as did the members of the audience who were not screaming...then Dave ended the song with his final strumming, filling the room with musical magic.
The band had only played two songs, and Emma was enjoying this gig more than she thought she would. Sarah had been right when she said the boys are actually cuter in the flesh. The Kinks were indeed a handsome lot, and their music made her want to dance; there was something about being at a live concert that was more exciting than sitting at home just listening on your record player, which was why she was quite picky about what records she bought.
The third song was one she liked even more than the last two, it was called Til the end of the day. As she watched Ray with great interest and listened to the words of this song, she could not help but feel the lead singer had a certain charm about him that she did not see in the others. There was a certain gentle, friendliness about Ray, even if he was not necessarily the best looking member, Emma suddenly felt herself drawn to him and could not take her eyes off him. Then suddenly, as he once again sang the words, You and me, we’re free. We do as we please yeah. From morning...til the end of the day, Emma’s eyes suddenly caught his, and he smiled at her...no.
Don’t be silly Emma, she thought. Just a trick of the light. Why on earth would he look at you?
Still, Emma suddenly had fantasies about this guy holding her and kissing her...but then so did a lot of young girls for their favourite singers. Still it was only a fantasy, and she knew that Ray Davies was way out of her league...but still she could not help but smile at him all the same. As he and the band finished the last words of the song, he looked at her again...yes, he was looking at her...he was, she was sure of it...wasn’t he?
As the crowd of mostly young people clapped and cheered at the song that had just finished, Ray was completely mesmerised by the beauty of the girl who was smiling at him from the audience. He had never seen anyone like her; he did not know why he was suddenly under her spell. What was happening to him? He did not even know her. Why was he feeling this way for a complete stranger? He felt really weird, in a way he had never felt for any girl before...it was almost scaring him...yet it was wonderful at the same time.
Come on Ray, focus here, he thought. Now isn’t the time.
The lead singer forced himself to stop looking at the bewitchingly beautiful girl he had just spotted and introduced the next song, which was their latest number one hit, Tired of waiting for you.
As Ray sang the words, he thought of what they meant to him, and suddenly he realised these words had really been about him when he had written them. He had been so desperate to find the right girl, and he had written this to help him cope with not having found her yet.
Without thinking about what he was doing, he kept stealing glances at this lovely girl who had captured his heart for no reason whatsoever. Was it possible that he had fallen in love with her? Just looking at her made Ray want to go up and talk to her, but how could he when she was in the audience, which was not somewhere he could easily talk to her?
Then again, should he risk making a fool of himself and go and talk to her anyway? It was certainly not a convenient place to be chatting up a girl...but this girl was so beautiful that Ray was beginning to want her more every passing second.
Ray forced himself to look away from this ethereal being who had suddenly stolen his thoughts and set his heart racing. He was beginning to get very annoyed with himself now.
He tried to look anywhere but where this girl was as he sang the words:
I was a lonely soul, I had nobody til I met you
But you keep me waitin’ all of the time, what can I do?
Ray was certainly in a predicament now, because for the rest of the song, he found himself looking at this beautiful girl, and she was looking back at him. She had amazing strawberry blonde hair, that seemed to shine like the sun and fell in ringlets around her heart shaped face.
Ray was starting to want her so badly that he could not stand it. Why was this girl affecting him so badly? He hoped to heaven that it would not affect his performance.
Why did he have to feel this way now? Why was he feeling all goose pimply and just weird all round because of one girl he had never seen before, and whose name he did not know. Not only that, his stomach kept feeling fluttery every time he looked at her out of pure instinct. He was also becoming weak at the knees.
As the song came to an end, Ray had, without realising, looked at her the whole time he was singing it. He knew he had to go and talk to this girl somehow, even at the risk of making a fool of himself and being knocked back.
The audience had loved the song, and the other band members had enjoyed performing it, but Ray could say nothing as all he could do was look at this beauty, who was looking back at him in such a way that his heart was pounding in his chest and he knew that for the rest of the gig, he would not be able to keep from looking at her for long.
Luckily, the next song was one of Dave’s, and Ray was playing piano for this one, but Ray was so distracted that he actually forgot what he was supposed to be doing. He remembered nothing until Pete came up to him while Dave was talking to the audience and said, “Ray, don’t forget you’re on piano for this one.”
Ray came out of his trance and looked at Pete, who repeated again what he had just said, “Piano Ray, now!”
Then Dave decided to show Ray up by saying into the microphone, “Well...when my brother stops daydreaming and goes to his piano, then we can start the song.”
Ray then noticed Dave glaring at him, and realised where he was supposed to be, “Oh sorry Dave,” he muttered, and a few members of the audience laughed. Perhaps they just thought it was a bit of silliness between the brothers, at least Ray hoped this was the case as he made his way to the piano, sat down and acted as if nothing was wrong.
Mick took the initiative of counting them in with his drumsticks; a thing he did quite often now.
Ray began the first few notes on the piano, and then after that slightly embarrassing moment, the whole band got into the song. As Dave sang, Ray played and did his best to put the beautiful girl out of his mind, but no matter how hard he tried to concentrate, she was never far from his thoughts...but still, he could not make any mistakes on the piano, not while they were playing live. No way.
Emma blushed as Sarah continued to rub it in, “He was looking at you Emma,” she hissed. “Honest to God he was.”
“Shh, trying to listen,” Emma said with a dismissive wave of her hand...yet she could not help but think, Was he? Was he really looking at me?
Although Emma did not want to admit it, she really was feeling more drawn to Ray each time, and barely noticed Dave’s singing, no matter how hard she tried to listen to the words. She danced just like the rest of the audience were doing, but she could not help but steal the occasional glance at Ray. Once the song was over, she clapped and cheered like the rest of the audience...then looked at Ray, who once again, made eye contact with her, making her heart skip a beat...surely he did not fancy her. Surely she was just imagining things...surely.
She then watched as Ray went over to have a word with his younger brother. She did not know what was being said, but whatever Ray was saying, Dave did not look too happy. In fact, Dave shouted the words, “DON’T BE SO BLOODY STUPID!”
“Oh no, not another Davies fight,” a person behind her muttered.
“Ray and Dave at it again,” another person said. “Wonder what it’s about this time.”
Emma then watched as Ray made his way off the stage, just where was he going? She noticed his band mates, Dave and Pete, sitting on the platform by Mick and his drums, clearly looking annoyed, especially Dave.
“Where’s Ray gone?” Another member of the audience wondered.
“Maybe he’s not very well,” Someone else replied.
However, it did not take them long to find out the answer. Ray had actually made his way to the front of the audience, making a few of the girls scream with excitement. As the singer got nearer to her, Emma’s heart began beating faster...and faster still as he stopped right in front of her.
“Hello darlin’,” Ray said, looking into her eyes.
“Er...h...hello,” Emma said, feeling herself blushing. “It’s...it’s nice to meet you but...shouldn’t you be on stage?”
“Yeah...yeah I suppose I should,” Ray sighed. “And my brother’s really mad at me now, but...I can’t carry on doing this show until…” Ray pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket and handed it to her, “...until I’ve given you this.”
“What is it?” Emma gasped, half excited, half scared.
Ray put his mouth to her ear, and as he did, Emma noticed how sexy and manly he smelled, “It’s the number for my hotel room,” he whispered, sending shivers down her spine. “Please call me when you get home; I understand if you don’t want to and I know how weird this must seem but...I want to see you again.”
Emma was completely taken aback, she really did not know what to say...but she did not have to, because just then, an older and very angry looking man came over to Ray and hissed at the Kinks lead singer, “Get back on that stage now!”
Before Ray did as he was told, he turned back to Emma and asked, “What’s your name?”
“Emma,” she replied, still unable to get over the shock that someone from a famous band actually came and spoke to her of all people.
“That’s a lovely name,” Ray said, before making his way back onstage, leaving Emma completely gobsmacked and unable to believe that this was actually happening. Her friend Sarah took hold of her arm with a completely dumbfounded expression, Ohhh...my gosh!” Sarah gasped, and Bobby was looking just as shocked, as were the other people around her. “I told you Emma, I told you he was eyeing you up and you didn’t believe me!”
Ray returned to the stage, greeted by extremely dirty looks from Dave, which did not surprise him. Pete was sitting there, arms folded, shaking his head at him. Mick was just sat patiently waiting at his drum kit, Ray caught the drummer’s eye, and Mick gave him an awkward smile which somehow made Ray feel a little better to know not all of them were judging him too harshly.
“Okay boys, shall we continue?” Ray asked, knowing he had pissed them off but felt that going to talk to the girl, who he now knew was called Emma, was something he just had to do whatever the consequences.
“I think that would be a good idea,” Pete said as he picked up his bass ready for the next number. “And perhaps you should apologise to our fans while you’re at it.”
Ray knew that he would be in deep shit later, but he did not care, because he had met the girl of his dreams.
Notes:
***UP NEXT***Ray waits anxiously for Emma to call him...but will he hear from her?
Chapter 23
Summary:
Ray and Dave have a heart to heart, right before Ray hears from Emma.
Notes:
This is another part that I couldn't wait to get to and there are also many other chapters in the story involving Emma that I really am looking forward to writing. I just can't believe that finally I am sharing my original characters with you, something I never thought I would do and I want to thank you all for your support in writing this story. Also I want to point out once again that the part about Ray and Dave's mother being a bitch who favoured her youngest child is fiction, though I suspect a lot of the Davies' brothers' sibling rivalry goes back to when they were very young. It is also fiction about Robert being sleazy and I never meant to portray the Kinks' manager in a bad light but I remember someone commenting on one of the earlier chapters that they didn't like Robert because he seemed creepy and weird...and it all sort of evolved from there.
Chapter Text
Love me til the sun shines
Chapter 23
“What the actual fuck did you think you were playing at Ray?” Robert ranted at the Kinks lead singer as he made his way into the dressing room after the gig was over.
“Hey come on Robert, calm down,” Grenville said, trying desperately to keep the peace. “Ray knows he shouldn’t have left the stage to talk to that girl, but there was no harm done really. And they played brilliantly after that.”
“But you don’t go and chat to some random bird when you’re supposed to be playing a concert for all your fans,” Robert shouted, waving his hands in the air as he looked at Grenville...and then Ray again. The latter just shook his head and opened the dressing room door. He was about to disappear inside, but the furious manager stopped him, “Hey, I’m not done with you yet young man!”
“Yeah for once I’m with Robert,” Dave growled. “Honestly Ray I know you’re a twat but I thought even you would have more sense than that!”
“Shut up Dave,” Ray snapped at his brother. “You’re just jealous!”
“What you think I’m jealous because I didn’t draw attention to myself?” Dave grunted, he was probably the one who was the most annoyed with Ray.
“Well it’s just the sort of thing you would do Dave,” Ray pointed out. “Or at least you would have done in the old days before we got famous...though you don’t seem to do that so much now little bruv...for some reason.”
Not wanting to draw attention to themselves from the people who were working backstage, they decided to go into the dressing room so they could have this argument there. The band and the two managers made their way in and shut the door, then Robert decided to continue the subject of Dave, “The difference is Ray,” he pointed out, “was that back then, you were playing in smaller venues, like pubs. We were allowed to go to the bar afterwards and have drinks, talk to people. So if Dave spotted a bird while playing, he could wait til it was appropriate to go and talk to her...you know, like during the break or after the show was finished.”
“Exactly!” Dave agreed. “But oh no, you didn’t care about any of that tonight did you Ray? You thought of nothing but yourself didn’t you? You just decided to go and talk to that girl just because she was pretty and just because being the lead singer, you thought you could get away with it.”
“Yeah Ray, I mean, put yourself in our position,” Pete inserted. “Have you any idea how awkward it was for us to have to sit there and wait while you go and make an idiot of yourself? I mean...the rest of us wouldn’t have been allowed to do that, would we?”
“They have a point you know,” Grenville shrugged, giving Ray a pointed look. “If it had been Dave or Pete...or especially if Mick had done that, and he’s the drummer so it would look even worse for him...well, let’s just say if any of the others had gone off to give a girl in the audience their number just because they fancied her...well you’d be pretty pissed off with them wouldn’t you Ray?”
“I don’t know,” Ray shrugged. “I’m sorry but that girl was...distracting...oh come on Pete, Dave. Didn’t you see how beautiful she was? You saw her didn’t you?”
“No I didn’t,” Pete said, exasperated. “I was too bloody busy; you should have been as well!”
“I saw you talking to her,” Dave grumbled. “She wasn’t bad I suppose, but she can’t have been worth all this fuss. She wasn’t worth disrupting a concert for; she’s just a young woman like any other!”
“I love her,” Ray sighed.
“What?” Pete said in disbelief. “Ray, you don’t even know her!”
“I will know her,” Ray said calmly. “I’m going to marry that girl one day.”
Dave laughed mockingly at what his brother said, “Oh gawd...my brother’s off his rocker!”
“I’ve heard enough of this bullshit,” Robert sighed. “Boys, get changed will ya, then we’re heading back to the hotel. I’m going out to ring…” Robert took a quick glance at Mick, “...to make a phone call.”
Robert left the room, and Mick got the feeling he knew exactly who the manager was going to call.
“Yeah you guys need a good night’s sleep ready for tomorrow’s gig,” Greville pointed out. “I trust there won’t be a repeat of Ray’s behaviour from any of you.” Grenville smiled a little at this.
“No, Emma’s the only girl for me,” Ray replied, looking very much like he was lost in his own world.”
“Well let’s hope so,” Grenville chuckled. “We can’t let it happen at every concert you do. Okay I’ll meet you boys outside in about fifteen minutes ready to go.”
Ray would never hear the last of this from anyone for as long as he lived, and what happened at this gig was to make the papers the very next day. However, Ray’s band mates were fairly confident that Emma would not take Ray up on his offer and call him that night, and of course the one who gave him the most stick for it was his brother Dave. The youngest of the Kinks did nothing but tease Ray all the way back to the hotel, and Mick tried to tell Dave that he was not being very nice and he should leave Ray alone. However, Dave was still pissed off with his older brother for embarrassing them like that, and so he would not even listen to his lover; he just replied with, “No Mick, the dickhead deserves it.”
“Whether he deserves it or not,” Mick sighed as they walked into the hotel lobby, “it’s done now, and there’s nothing Ray can do to go back and change that. Whether he sees that girl again or not...well, that’s your brother’s problem not ours. So please Dave, can you just drop it...for me?”
Hearing Mick say these words, and the way the drummer looked at him pleadingly made Dave realise how much his lover had changed him as a person. Dave also realised how much he still needed to work on his attitude towards his older brother. Indeed, him and Ray still had a few unsolved issues that needed to be addressed that went back before they even started the band. What Mick had just said to him made Dave feel bad; maybe he should just give poor Ray a break. After all, he was no angel himself; he had done some rather beyond the pale things in his school years, and so Mick’s words really hit home.
Dave looked into Mick’s kind eyes; he suddenly felt remorseful for the names he had called Ray on the way back from the concert, “Yeah...now you come to mention it,” he said sadly, “I was a bit childish wasn’t I?”
“Just a bit,” Mick agreed. “I mean, Pete’s just as annoyed with Ray as you are, but he hasn’t been making fun of him and calling him names has he?”
“No, he hasn’t,” Dave sighed. “I’m still a spoilt little bully it seems, even after how happy I’ve been with you. When it comes to my brother I can still...well the old me still emerges at times. I’m sorry Mick.”
“Why are you apologising to me?” Mick asked him. “It’s Ray you should say sorry to. Think about it Dave. Yes, granted, maybe it wasn’t a very good time to be talking to a girl when he was supposed to be singing, but obviously Ray really liked her.”
“But he still didn’t know her,” Dave said as he sat down on one of the sofas near the reception desk, which currently did not have anyone supervising, so the two had a little privacy to talk.
Mick sat down on the sofa nearby, “Did you know me when I first joined the group?” He asked, raising an eyebrow.
Dave then realised what Mick was getting at. Of course, he had fallen for Mick on sight; his beauty had taken Dave’s breath away and still continued to do so each passing moment they were together, “Oh I see what you’re getting at,” Dave smiled. “But yes, you’re right Mick. It was love at first sight for me when I met you. So you mean that maybe...Ray feels exactly the same way for this woman?”
“That’s exactly what I mean Dave,” Mick smiled one of his kind smiles and put his hand on his boyfriend’s arm, stroking it gently. “So why don’t you cut Ray some slack. Stop being such an arsehole about the whole thing and let’s just move on yeah?”
Dave chuckled a little, “All right then,” he nodded his head and smiled at the drummer. “You’ve convinced me; I won’t take the piss out of Ray anymore.”
“Glad to hear it,” Mick smiled and ruffled Dave’s shoulder length hair with his hand, making the guitarist laugh.
Just then, Ray and Pete came in. Ray, who had nothing to say to Dave or anyone else, made his way up to his hotel room.
Pete came to join Mick and Dave, “You know, he actually believes this girl’s going to call him,” the bassist said with concern. “He won’t listen to me when I tell him she might not.”
“Maybe you should talk to him Dave,” Mick suggested, placing his hand on Dave’s shoulder giving him an encouraging look.
“Me?” Dave said in surprise. “But if he won’t listen to Pete then…”
“What did I just tell you?” Mick asked him. “What were we just talking about?”
“What were you just talking about?” Pete laughed.
“I think Mick wants me to be a nice little brother to Ray for a change,” Dave shrugged. “Talk to him in other words, try and prove to him I’m not the cunt I used to be.”
“Do you have to use that horrible word?” Mick sighed.
“What’s wrong with ‘cunt’?” Dave shrugged, rolling his eyes. “It’s only a word...oh all right all right. I’ll go and have a word with my dear brother.”
“Are you sure that’s a good idea Mick?” Pete asked as they watched Dave make his way upstairs to find Ray. “It doesn’t matter how many times those two have promised not to lose their tempers, they always end up fighting.”
“Just give them a chance Pete,” Mick said kindly. “Dave’s really not that bad anymore, I just know it.”
“Mick, you have no idea,” Pete sighed and took out a cigarette. Putting it in his mouth he offered one to the drummer.
Mick shook his head, “I’ll have one later with Dave,” he said. “Thanks anyway Pete.”
When Pete had lit his cigarette, he lay back on the sofa and asked Mick, “So what did you say to Dave?”
“N...nothing really,” Mick said, a little taken aback by the bass player’s question. “I just...I told him off for a start.”
Pete sat up and looked at Mick in surprise, “Told him off?” He laughed. “About what?”
“About the grief he’d been giving Ray on the way back here,” Mick replied.
“Oh that,” Pete grimaced a little. “Yeah Dave can be a right nasty piece of work sometimes...no seriously Mick, take it from someone who knows.”
“He’s not that bad anymore,” Mick told his band mate. “Honestly he’s not. I had a word with him about the way he was talking to Ray about...well you know, when he went to talk to that young girl. I told Dave it wasn’t nice to make fun of Ray, to call him names like that...even if Ray did do a stupid thing, I said to Dave that it’s all done now.”
“So you actually talked Dave into going and apologising to Ray?” Pete asked in disbelief.
“I think I did make him feel bad yeah,” Mick said, knowing he had to pick his words carefully. “Thing is...I know you don’t like Dave much but…”
“Hey I never said I didn’t like Dave,” Pete insisted. “I know it seems like I’m closer to Ray and...well yes that’s true, I’m more Ray’s friend than I am Dave’s but...I have actually come to care about Dave too, despite his massive faults. I still feel I have to look out for him like he was my own little brother. I’ve known them both for quite a long time and...you know they’ve both been through a lot the past few years.” Pete looked serious after he said this, then added in a low voice, “I don’t know whether Dave’s told you about their sister...about what happened to her,” Pete lowered his voice as he said this.
“Yes, he did,” Mick nodded. “It’s horrible. Dave and I have actually exchanged stories you know...like I told him not that long ago about my mother, and I told him why I got taken into care.”
Pete nodded his understanding, and looked away for a few seconds, “You and Dave seem to have become...quite close friends haven’t you?”
“Is that bad?” Mick asked. “You and Ray are close friends so why can’t me and Dave…”
“No...no of course it’s not bad,” Pete said quickly. “No I think it’s great that you two get on. It’s just...as much as I love Dave, I have to admit that at times, he has been hard to deal with...I’m talking about before you came along.”
“I gathered Dave could be a handful,” Mick smiled. “But I can assure you, he’s growing up a lot.”
“Let’s hope you’re right,” Pete sighed.
“Shall we go upstairs for a bit?” Mick asked. “Come in mine and Dave’s room if you want. If you’re not tired I’ve got a few comic books you can look at.”
Pete looked at the drummer as if he had grown another head, “You still read comics?” The bass player tried not to laugh.
“A guilty pleasure of mine,” Mick smiled shyly, blushing a little.
“Well I’ve not read a comic book in years,” Pete smiled. “But I wouldn’t mind seeing what you’ve got. Yeah come on it might be a good idea to go upstairs anyway, just in case Dave upsets Ray again.”
“Yeah we can’t have Ray killing his brother,” Mick agreed as they both got up to go upstairs.
Dave knocked on the door of the hotel room that Ray was sharing with Pete. He waited until his brother came to open it; of course Dave knew that he was the last person Ray would want to see right now, not after the things he had called him. He was right. The door opened and Ray appeared, cigarette in hand. His face dropped when he saw Dave.
“What do you want now?” Ray sighed with a scowl on his face. “I’ve had just about enough of you for one evening and I’m…”
“Actually Ray,” Dave interrupted his brother’s sentence. “I came to apologise.”
Ray looked suspicious, and Dave did not blame him because he never...or very rarely apologised for anything, “Oh have you?” Ray rolled his eyes. “Who’s talked you into that then? Mick?”
Dave did not want to lie to his brother; he had told enough lies over the years and he knew he really had to make an effort to change all aspects of himself. So he decided to be honest, “Well...yes,” Dave admitted. But Ray…”
“I knew it,” Ray shook his head in disgust. “Just piss off and leave me alone Dave!”
As Ray tried to shut the door, Dave stopped him with his hand, “Oh no Ray come on please,” he begged. “I really am sorry. Why don’t you let me come in for a bit so we can talk?”
“I don’t really think there’s anything to talk about,” Ray sighed. “You already made your feelings clear about what I did this evening, so what’s the point?”
“Okay I admit I wasn’t happy,” Dave said. “But I really am sorry for not letting it drop.”
Ray looked at his younger brother for a second. Dave could tell that Ray was quite sad. Ray then nodded and said, “Apology accepted Dave.”
“Can I still come in?” Dave asked hopefully.
“I suppose...for a few minutes,” Ray shrugged, opening the door wide for his brother to enter.
Dave entered the room and shut the door behind him.
Ray sat down on a chair by the window and looked out, cigarette in hand. He really had nothing to say to Dave. In fact, he was not entirely sure why he had agreed to let his brother in at all. Surely it would only end in another fight. Ray’s relationship with his brother was volatile at the best of times, partly because Ray had found it hard to completely let go of the past and move on. It was also hard forgiving Dave for things he had done when they were younger.
Dave sat down on one of the beds, looking at his older brother and suddenly feeling awkward. After Mick had given him a stern talking to about his behaviour, Dave had realised that what his boyfriend had said was very true, and Dave knew he really did still need to work on his behaviour and attitude, especially when it came to Ray. Now was the time to try and build bridges, by just talking about what it was that made them hate each other so much, but how would he start such a conversation?
In the meantime, while Dave was thinking of what to say, Ray also sat mulling over his troubled relationship with Dave and what had started it. He knew pretty much that a lot of the blame was with their mother, who had never even tried to hide the fact that Dave was her favourite, and as a result, Ray had felt pushed out his whole life and this had not helped his self confidence at all. However, he had also somehow managed to start a band with Dave, so if they were working together, why did they continue to be at each other’s throats? Ray began to think to himself: You’ve resented Dave for so long...but is it really all his fault?
Then again, their mother could not be blamed for everything. A few years ago, this was before Mary died and while they were still at school, Dave had sex with one of Ray’s girlfriends. Ray had never really got over this and it still hurt whenever he thought about it, and often this memory triggered off Ray’s anger and that would escalate into one of their infamous Davies fights. However, now that he had fallen for another girl only a few hours ago, was it not time to move on and forget the past? Was he holding a grudge and only hurting himself in the process?
That was when Ray decided to say something; he turned to Dave.
At the same time, Dave was thinking of what a complete and utter arsehole he really had been over the years. Fucking Sharon Webb behind the school bike shed, knowing that she was dating Ray and not caring one bit, had indeed been one of the most uncool things he had ever done, and only in recent months had he come to realise this. In fact, meeting and falling in love with Mick, and later on, learning that Mick returned his feelings made him see that being happy could also make you a nicer person...he had not been a very nice person growing up. Not only had he upset his brother many times, but also a fair few girls he had used and abused.
Dave had now come to realise he had never experienced this level of happiness before, and the wonderful freedom he felt in the fact that he could let go all of his insecurities and past mistakes was almost too overwhelming. He decided now to try and repair his damaged relationship with Ray.
Dave started to speak, “So Ray, I came to see you because…”
At the exact same time, Ray said...or began to say, “I’m actually glad you came to see me because…”
Both brothers stopped...then Ray said, “Sorry, Dave, you came to see me; you go first.”
“It doesn’t matter,” Dave shrugged. “You can talk first if you want.”
Ray sighed, “I was just thinking...why do you and I not get on that well?
Dave smiled, “I was just thinking the same.”
“It goes back a long way doesn’t it?” Ray smiled weakly.
“Since we were kids really,” Dave laughed.
“Did we ever get on?” Ray asked sadly.
“We had some good times...didn’t we?” Dave said hopefully. “Like...when we were very little and we would play together out in the garden?”
“Usually I was playing with Lorna and you would come along and spoil the game one way or another,” Ray pointed out with a small laugh.
“Oh but there were times when you and I would play together quite nicely,” Dave insisted.
“Yeah, maybe when Mum wasn’t around,” Ray shrugged. “To be honest I think she enjoyed playing us off against one another.”
“That’s not true Ray,” Dave raised his voice slightly.
“Yes Dave, yes it is true!” Ray insisted, almost sounding like he was going to cry. “You were always her baby boy, you were always the one she would pay all her attention to and ignore the rest of us! Whenever we played together, yes we would have a good time, but if ever anything happened, such as you falling over and hurting your knee, or if you fell off a wall, she would always blame me for it...or Lorna if she was there...or whoever was with you at the time. Accusing us of not looking after you properly. She hated it whenever you went out to play with the rest of us...but of course she would never stop you going anywhere because she never liked to upset you. But she would warn all of us that if anything happened to you while we were playing, we’d all be punished...but of course it was different whenever any of us got hurt!”
“Was it?” Dave asked quietly.
“Yes it was!” Ray shouted. “You could go to her crying just because you scratched your hand on a thorn or because you’d brushed against some nettles, and what would she do? She’d wrap you up in a blanket and sing nursery rhymes and make you hot chocolate...whereas any of us would get told to stop being such a baby! It’s true Dave and you know it...I...I know it’s not exactly your fault that Mum was like that with you, but...the fact remains that’s how it was, for all of us except you...you were Mum’s...golden boy and I really don’t understand why.”
Ray said these words with a lot of resentment in his voice, and Dave really had no idea how to reply. He knew for a fact his mother had always favoured him and in the end, he would always use it to his own advantage to get what he wanted, not realising or even caring what affect it had on his siblings, but how could he fix this?
“I’m...I’m sorry Ray,” Dave said after thinking for a minute about what his brother had said. “Yes, you’re right. I see now what you mean about Mum. I could...I could steal a horse while the rest of you couldn’t even look over the fence.”
“Fuck, you could have rode a motorbike through the house and Mum would have thanked you for the fresh air,” Ray laughed, but it was not a happy laugh. “I’m old enough now to realise that it wasn’t really your fault that Mum didn’t and still doesn’t love us all the same like Dad does, but when I was growing up, I didn’t think of these things and after a while, I started to resent you...God I even hated you for it. I hated that you were Mum’s favourite, I hated looking at your face and hearing your voice, and the way you would purposely get us into trouble…” Ray made an angry sounding noise.
You’d try and get me into trouble sometimes,” Dave pointed out with a chuckle.
“Yeah and look where it got me,” Ray grunted. “Instead of making it so that Mum was mad with you, I only ended up getting myself into trouble. If you scribbled on the walls, I would go and tell her and she’d yell at me saying why didn’t I stop you? Then I was the one who had to clean it up and then of course I’d get sent to bed...Lorna of course was treated the worst out of all of us...poor thing, that used to break my heart when Mum would hit her the way she did, but there was nothing I could do. That was another thing, while she was crying because Mum had hurt her, you’d laugh and mimic her crying, and that was too much for me.” There were tears in Ray’s eyes as he was saying this, and now Dave was starting to well up.
“And that was why you went for me,” Dave murmured. “Yeah I was confused about that at the time because I wondered what I had done to you. All I remember is you yelling at me, hitting me and shoving me against the wall, telling me don’t dare do that again...of course I was only about six or seven, so I didn’t realise you were aggravated by me making fun of Lorna.”
“I could go on and on,” Ray shrugged. “I could tell you many reasons why you and I don’t like each other; you probably saw me as a violent, jealous bully, whereas I only ever got mad at you because you were such a little shit...it was almost as if Mum made you that way on purpose so that she could have you all to herself...fuck! To everyone out and about, we looked like the perfect family, if only they knew how fucked up we all were.”
“And sadly it got no better for us,” Dave sighed. “The worst thing to happen was when…”
Dave stopped; he did not like talking about Mary’s death, but he could not avoid it forever. Yes he had told Mick about it, but that had been the only time he had really opened up and he had hoped that would be the only time.
“It’s okay Dave,” Ray sighed. “I know it’s a hard thing to talk about for you, that’s why I always talk to Lorna about it instead...or sometimes Dad...I even wrote a song about it but I know you won’t be willing to hear it or learn to play it, so…”
“When did you write a song?” Dave asked him.
“A while back,” Ray sighed. “But I was never intending to share it with anyone, it just helped me deal with what happened that’s all.”
“Trouble is I’ll find it hard to play, that is true,” Dave admitted. “But still, I would like to hear it sometime.”
“Really?” Ray asked in disbelief.
“Really,” Dave nodded with a small smile. “I want to change my ways Ray, I want to prove to you I’m not as bad as I used to be.”
“And I want to believe it Dave,” Ray replied. “I just...I’ve also struggled these past few years to get over what you did with Sharon,” he sighed. “Even when I’ve tried to forget about it, it was always in the back of my mind and there’ve been times when I’ve hated you so much, even wanted to kill you, slowly and painfully.”
“I know Ray,” Dave nodded his understanding. “I know.”
“Why did you do it Dave?” Ray asked his brother sadly. “What possessed you to do what you did with my girlfriend? She wasn’t even your type; I thought Sharon would be the one girl that I could have all to myself and not worry about her cheating on me...should have guessed even that was too good to be true.”
Well, she most certainly isn’t my type now, Dave thought, and then he said out loud, “And what about the girl you saw tonight?” He asked. “Don’t you think that she’s probably too good to be true?”
“Probably,” Ray sighed, hoping to God he was wrong but knowing deep down he had to come to his senses, be realistic and accept the truth. No matter what he felt for this new girl, who had been more beautiful than any girl he had ever seen, and Ray had certainly dated some very pretty girls, he was not likely to see Emma again or ever hear from her, no matter how long he spent waiting at the phone wishing it would ring. “Okay you are right, it probably was a very stupid thing I did, to go over to that girl when we were playing a gig, but she was so beautiful Dave, she really was, I just couldn’t resist.”
“I admit she was pretty,” Dave smiled. “But come on, you’re sitting by the phone now, but you know deep down she’s not gonna call...don’t you?”
“Perhaps you’re right,” Ray smiled sadly. “But will you please stop making fun of me for it?”
“I’ll never even speak of it again,” Dave promised. “So let’s move on...and also Ray, shall we try our very best not to drag up the past anymore? Because we’re in the habit of doing that aren’t we, when we fight?”
“Yes we do,” Ray agreed. “We need to stop talking about Mum too, because she aggravates me the most to be honest.”
“When I talk about her you tend to lash out at me,” Dave pointed out. “But it’s fine, I can understand it now, so I’ll try not to do it.”
“Of course we can’t promise each other we won’t fight again,” Ray chuckled. “But if we can make an effort not to drag up the past, that’s fine with me.”
“Me too,” Dave said. “So...now you know you’re not likely to get a phone call, are you still going to sit there all evening or are you going to come out and do something fun with the rest of us?”
“Well maybe another ten minutes…” Ray began, then he saw the exasperated look on his younger brother’s face. “Oh all right, all right, she’s not gonna call is she? What did you have in mind then? Did you want to go to a pub or something?”
“Hmm...you know I used to love going out to pubs,” Dave said thoughtfully. “I’m more a staying in person now, but perhaps we can make an exception just this once.”
“You can buy me a drink to make up for being such a dick,” Ray laughed, getting up and grabbing his jacket. “Shall we ask Mick and Pete to come along or shall we just go out the two of us?”
Before Dave was able to answer that question, they were startled by the phone suddenly ringing loudly, “FUCKING HELL THAT WAS LOUD!” Dave said, putting his hand to his chest.
“You don’t...it can’t be her can it?” Ray asked, looking nervous.
“Don’t be stupid,” Dave said, laughing and pulling a face. “You know it’s not that girl.”
“No you’re right,” Ray said with a dismissive wave of his hand. “Tell you what, I’m going to get changed, can you answer it for me? Probably it’s someone I can’t be bothered with.”
Something told Dave he needed to answer the phone, even though he felt like it was Ray’s job to do so, he decided he had pissed his brother off too many times over the years and so he picked up the receiver and said, “Hello.”
There was silence for about two seconds, then a shy, female voice answered, “Oh...oh hello...is that Ray?”
“Umm...no,” Dave replied. “It’s Dave, I’m Ray’s brother, but he’s right here actually. Can I ask who’s calling?”
“Erm...well,” the girl sounded nervous trying to explain, and Ray came up to him, impatiently asking who it was, but Dave listened as the girl nervously replied, “I’m...I’m Emma, I’m the girl Ray gave this number to...can I...does he still want to speak to me?”
Dave could not believe it! The girl had decided to call after all! Dave went silent for a few seconds, “Yeah...yeah just a sec,”
Dave held the phone to his chest while he spoke to Ray, “Oh my God Ray,” he gasped, unable to believe that this had actually happened. “It is her!”
“What?” Ray said. “Really? No Way!”
“So do you want to talk to her or not?” Dave asked.
Ray snatched the receiver from his brother and ordered him to leave the room, “Go on, get the fuck out,” he hissed. “I want it to be private!”
“All right all right,” Dave rolled his eyes. “I’m going!”
Ray watched until his brother had left, then put the phone to his ear, he could feel his heart pounding in his chest, “Hello,” he said, unable to contain just how terrified he was.
“Hi is that you Ray?” The sweet voice said. “It’s Emma, you...you gave me your number.”
“Oh my God I can’t believe it!” Ray managed to say; he was almost hyperventilating. “I...I can’t...can’t believe you actually phoned...me and Dave were just talking about you actually. We...we were just thinking...I...I didn’t think I’d hear from you!”
“I...I know,” Emma giggled nervously, which Ray thought sounded adorable. “I...I was just thinking the same thing actually. I...I wasn’t going to call because I was too nervous but...my friend Sarah managed to persuade me. She said...oh gosh...she said I might regret it if I didn’t.”
“Well...well I’m glad you did,” Ray smiled, he had never felt this happy, he was sure of that. “I know you and I don’t know each other, but...I really want to see you again...please say you’ll meet up with me sometime.” Ray hoped he did not sound too pathetic when he said this, but he had never been so besotted with any girl at first glance before; he normally liked to get to know a girl before he decided he loved her, but hearing Emma’s voice made him certain he was falling more in love with her every second.
“Ohhhh...I...you know...I think...yes,” Emma stuttered, and Ray could sense that she was just as nervous as he was if not more so. “But...where...where would we meet?”
“Where do you live sweetheart?” Ray asked, suddenly feeling more confident.
“Hertfordshire,” Emma said, she also sounded a little less nervous.
“That’s not very far at all,” Ray smiled, glad that she did not live too far away, not that it would have stopped him from getting to her.
“No...no it’s not that far really,” Emma giggled. “Only about an hour’s drive...well, less than that really.”
“That’s good,” Ray said. “Emma...will you meet me sometime soon?”
After his brother had kicked him out of his bedroom to talk to a girl he did not know at all, Dave was thinking about getting angry again...then he thought, no, he really was going to try and change his ways and stop being the little brat he used to be. If Ray really liked this girl, of course he had a right to talk to her privately, and besides, he had his beautiful Mick to keep him happy now.
To Dave, it was still a bit silly for Ray to give his number to a girl he hardly knew...no, a girl he did not know at all, but still, who was he to judge? He had fallen in love with Mick at first sight, and had wanted him badly for months, so why would he try to prevent Ray from being happy?
Dave decided to leave Ray to it and go back to the hotel room he shared with Mick, boy did he have some news to tell...in actual fact, it was quite exciting and he could not wait to see if this actually did lead to romance. Yes, Ray deserved to be happy, and although he had pissed a lot of people off by disrupting the gig in that way, well...Dave decided that he had done far worse things than that himself, and what Ray had done was hardly the crime of the century.
Dave’s room was just a short way down the corridor, and as he got to the door, he heard Mick laughing from inside. He opened the door and walked in. Mick was sitting on the bed with Pete; they were reading the comic books that the drummer had brought with him.
“I can’t believe how funny I still find these Mick,” the bass player was laughing so hard that tears were almost forming in his eyes. Mick was laughing too, and Dave loved to see his boyfriend laugh, he looked and sounded adorable. The two looked up when they saw Dave, “All right Dave,” Pete said cheerfully. “Mick and I are looking at comics, care to join us?”
Dave smiled and sat down on the bed with his lover and their band mate, “You’re not going to believe this,” he said excitedly.
“Did you talk to Ray?” Mick asked him.
“I did,” Dave replied. “And we’re friends again, but that’s not all.”
This got their attention, “What?” Pete asked, looking intrigued.
“That girl Ray went over to talk to...she’s actually called Ray,” Dave announced. “He’s talking to her now!”
“WHAT!” Mick and Pete exclaimed in unison.
“Surely not!” Pete said, wide eyed. “Are you serious Dave?”
Yep!” Dave nodded, then laughed. “He was just about to give up an’ all. I thought we were gonna go out for a drink or something. Then the phone started ringing, he told me to answer it because he didn’t think it would be her...so I answered it...and it was her!”
“Wow!” Mick said. “I’m speechless.”
“Nice one Ray,” Pete murmured.
“So I’ve no idea how long Ray will be on the phone,” Dave said. “So...how about we go and get a drink at the bar downstairs? I bet that’s where our managers are gonna be right now, so we can tell them the good news.”
“Yeah come on,” Pete agreed. “Let’s go and find Robert and Grenville and co, hey I bet they won’t believe us!”
The three made their way down the stairs to find their managers, wondering and discussing just how long Ray would be on the phone and what arrangements he would make with this mystery girl.
Chapter 24
Summary:
Ray spends the day getting to know Emma, and is shocked to hear about her past.
Chapter Text
Love me til the sun shines
Chapter 24
Emma lay in the quiet of her room. It was almost five-thirty in the morning, but she was unable to sleep because her thoughts were too occupied with what had happened the previous night. Since arriving back home from the concert, she had had to keep pinching herself to make sure she had not dreamt the whole thing. Did Ray Davies really come over to talk to her? Had he really given her his number?
When they had got back to her home, Sarah had took the piece of paper with Ray’s number on it, held it in front of her and insisted that Emma called him. At first, Emma just could not bring herself to do it. Ray was lovely, but she simply could not believe that someone like him would want to know her. She was after all just a typist from Maple Cross, Hertfordshire, therefore she was nothing. Yet this man was the lead singer of a band that had recently risen to fame; surely that would mean he would go for someone much more glamorous. Yet he had gone for her...just like that.
There was never any refusing Sarah for some reason, so Emma had taken her advice and called Ray on the number he had given her. The phone call had gone really well, and by the time she had eventually hung up, her heart had been racing.
Emma’s heart was racing now, just thinking about the date she had with the singer this coming Monday. They had arranged to meet up in Watford, because she knew the town quite well, and also because Ray told her he had been there a number of times with the Kinks when they had still been called the Ravens. There was one particular place Ray had said he would like to take her to, it was a pub that he and the band used to play at sometimes. Also, according to Ray, they did pretty good grub there, and so it was perfect for their first date.
It was lucky that she had the week off work, because she was hoping that if the date went well, she could maybe invite Ray to come back to her house after that...or would that be too soon?
Her father did not know about what had happened yet, because when she had got in last night, he had gone to bed. She was not sure how he was going to react to the news that she had met a guy at the concert...a member of the band no less. Then again, Percy was normally a laid back sort of dad, not overprotective, just caring enough for it to be healthy. She would perhaps tell him the good news over the weekend. Hell she was still taking in the whole thing herself, as were Sarah and Bobby, and no doubt everyone else who Sarah would deem it necessary to blab to, which, knowing her best friend, would be the whole neighbourhood. Also, what would her work colleagues say when they found out? Emma was simply overwhelmed, excited and anxious all at the same time.
After another half hour of being wide awake, Emma decided she may as well get up and do something useful, like going out for a run. That was one thing that always helped to clear her head when she was either stressed or, like now, did not know what to feel. She also found riding her bike helped her considerably, so maybe she would spend the whole of this Saturday doing both. She needed to find enough things to do to pass the weekend away, because she was fairly nervous about her date with the Kinks’ lead singer.
As Emma was getting ready to do a few laps round the block, she planned out her day. She would run, come home and get a shower, make breakfast...maybe that would be a good way to get round her dad before she gave him her news. Yes, she would do a proper full English, anything to keep her dad sweet. Then after breakfast she would go for a bike ride, then maybe bake a cake which was another hobby of hers. Then maybe for the rest of the day, she would do her needlework. Anything to pass the time quicker as she waited for Monday to come, because otherwise, the wait was going to be agony.
Meanwhile, the weekend was just as nerve wracking for Ray, but at least he had Saturday night’s gig to focus on and keep him busy. He had felt much better after his heart to heart with Dave last night; he had let out a few bottled up feelings about their past without resorting to violence, which had often occurred whenever his brother pissed him off. This time however, Dave had listened to him without arguing with him or contradicting him, and although Ray suspected that his brother’s sudden change in attitude might be all Mick’s influence, he felt that at least it was a start in mending their troubled relationship.
When Ray had spoken to this new girl Emma the previous night, they had had a long talk over the phone and exchanged numbers. He promised to call her the minute he got back to his own flat on Sunday so that they could talk some more.
Ray was unable to stop thinking about Emma for the rest of the weekend. No matter what he was doing, whether it was rehearsing with the boys or eating (which he was finding considerably hard to do because he had so much on his mind), Emma would occupy his thoughts. He annoyed Dave and Robert the most with his dreamlike state, and the manager warned him, “You had better be on top form for the gig tonight Ray; you don’t want to let us down again!”
Of course, Ray had no intention of letting anybody down, so that evening, he made sure that he and the boys played the best gig of their career so far...all the same, Emma was on his mind the whole time. He felt like the prince from the fairy tale Cinderella, in the fact that he had seen a beautiful girl only once and was determined to woo and marry her. Of course he knew it was early days, and he had to get to know Emma properly, just to make sure that they were suited, but for now, that was his aim in life, to win over this girl’s affections.
Robert Wace was not in a good mood over the weekend, not only because what Ray had done during Friday night’s concert had made the headlines in several newspapers, his girlfriend Janice had done nothing but pester him about Mick, and it was making both his relationship with her and with the Kinks too complicated for his liking. Granted, Janice had been honest with him from the start about her estranged son, but she had never told him exactly who he was, except that his name was Michael, which was a fairly common name, and so had given him no reason to suspect that it was the drummer.
It had worried Robert to realise just how little he knew about the young man who played the drums for the Kinks, though it had been mentioned before that Mick had spent the latter part of his childhood in foster care and that his biological mother had apparently been neglectful, and so it had all fallen into place and made sense.
Janice’s side of the story had been that her boy did not get on with his stepfather, had developed quite an attitude and had run away when he was thirteen years old. Even though Robert wanted to believe that what she had said was true, she had done nothing to try to get Mick back, simply because she realised that she really had done a terrible job of taking care of him, and had made a lot of bad decisions regarding the boy’s welfare. Janice had also told Robert that after her then husband, Ted had been sent to prison, she had resorted to prostitution once again, because the money was good, and felt that her young son would be better off without her.
Now that she had found her son however, Janice had been begging Robert to talk Mick into seeing her again, because she wanted to get to know him better. As embarrassing as it had been after the way both mother and son had been reunited, Robert had done his best to try and talk to the drummer, but it had not gone very well, and he and Janice had ended up having a huge row over the phone about it.
Robert was determined not to give up however, because for the first time in years, he had actually met a woman he wanted to be with long term, and he would do anything for her. Sure, he had not been very happy to hear of her history as a prostitute, or that she had been whoring since she was a young girl, but the past was the past. Besides, who was he to judge her when he himself had been known to pay for sex in his time? If no woman ever sold her body, who on earth was a man to visit in order to have a good time? Also, Janice was no longer on the game, and she was his world; he was determined to do everything he could to make her happy, and if that meant trying to win Mick round while also managing the Kinks, then so be it.
Robert hoped that Janice loved him like he loved her, but he knew that while he still had Mick around and if she really wanted her son back in her life, she was unlikely to end their relationship. Robert was going to get his way one way or another; he was going to talk Mick into seeing his birth mother somehow and Janice was going to love him for it.
The day after Saturday’s gig, which had gone without a hitch, the Kinks went back to their respective homes; for Ray it was his small flat in Muswell Hill, which he only lived in now for the sake of being near his sister Lorna, though he hoped that one day he would buy a big house just as soon as he could afford one. Already he was beginning to imagine setting up home with Emma, though he knew deep down he was being ridiculous about a girl he had only seen face to face once, but Ray could not help himself. The more he thought about Emma, the more in love with her he became, and the more he wanted to get to know her.
As soon as he arrived back at his flat, Ray picked up his phone and dialled her number, which she had given him on the Friday night that she had called him. He waited nervously as the phone rang; he could not wait to hear Emma’s lovely voice. However, Ray got the surprise of his life when, after he heard the receiver being picked up, a man’s voice answered, “Hello.”
Ray’s heart sank. Where was Emma?
“Umm...oh er...hello,” he stuttered. “Is Emma there?”
There was silence for a few seconds, making Ray even more nervous, then the man who had answered the phone replied, “She’s at her friend’s house at the moment, but I can get her to ring back. Can I ask who’s calling?”
Ray’s nerves got the better of him; he suspected the man may be her father, as she had told him she lived at home with just her dad.
All he could manage to say was, “Umm...umm...I’m er...a friend of hers.”
“Okay,” the man acknowledged in response to Ray’s pathetic answer. “What’s your name? I’ll tell her you rang when she gets back; she shouldn’t be long really.”
“I’m er...I’m Ray,” Ray stuttered nervously, and then he became very annoyed with himself.
“Oh...I don’t think Emma’s ever mentioned you before,” the man said. “I’m her dad by the way. Are you someone she works with?”
“Umm...no,” Ray replied. Then deciding he needed to start sounding like more of a man and less of a nervous, dumb teenage boy, he decided to tell the truth and added, “I only met Emma on Friday night actually...at the concert she went to.”
“I see,” Mr Lunne said, sounding utterly confused, but not exactly intimidating. “Well she told me yesterday she had a great time there but...she hasn’t got round to mentioning you yet.” Mr Lunne laughed.
“Oh...well…” Ray was not sure how to feel about that. “Well...do you think you could get her to call me...er...Sir?” Now he was really cursing himself in his head. Why the hell could he not be more confident when he spoke to this pleasant enough sounding man?
“Wait a minute,” Mr Lunne said, then Ray heard someone else speak at the other end. “She’s just come in actually. Here Emma, a phone call for you. It’s someone called Ray.”
Ray’s heart was now pounding with nerves, and he almost felt as if he would hyperventilate. What if Emma did not want to speak to him any more? What if she was annoyed with him for calling her? What if she had changed her mind about him? He was just contemplating hanging up in a panic when he heard Emma’s shy voice on the other end, “Hello,” she said, making his heart skip a beat. He was worried he would not be able to talk to her properly. He had spoken to her on Friday night, so why was he so nervous now?
“H...hello there Emma,” Ray managed to stutter. “How are you.”
“I’m...I’m okay,” she giggled, and Ray took that to be a good thing.
“I just got back home,” Ray told her.
“How...how did last night’s concert go?” Emma asked.
“Oh...very good,” Ray laughed. “After I as good as ruined Friday night’s concert by going over to talk to you...well...I decided to make it up with the one last night.”
“You didn’t ruin it,” Emma said kindly. “It was really sweet that you wanted to talk to me, though I was surprised.”
“Yeah...so was I,” Ray chuckled. “It’s nice to hear your voice again. So...you still want to meet up with me for lunch tomorrow?”
“Oh yes, yes I’m really looking forward to it,” Emma said. “But I’ve been so nervous all weekend and I still can’t believe you actually asked me.”
“I was getting scared you might change your mind about me,” Ray said, feeling less nervous with how sweet her voice sounded. “And obviously your dad has no idea who I am yet.”
“Erm...yeah,” Emma said, sounding awkward. “I...I haven’t exactly got round to telling him about you yet,” she giggled. “I wanted to tell him yesterday but...well I kind of...well, chickened out, but I haven’t changed my mind about going on a date with you.”
Ray laughed at this, “I’m so glad, and I suppose I can understand you not being in a hurry to tell your dad,” he said, wondering if he ought to be worried about this.
“Oh...it’s not that I think he’s going to have a problem with it,” Emma said quickly. “My dad’s usually quite relaxed about...well...me making new friends but…”
“But…” Ray urged her to finish what she was trying to say.
“Well...I’m finding the idea of explaining it awkward...how I met you that is,” Emma sighed. “I mean...he won’t believe me will he?”
“Probably not at first,” Ray shrugged. “But you had your friends with you didn’t you? So they will have seen me come and talk to you; they can vouch for you.” Ray laughed.
“Yeah that’s true,” Emma also laughed. “Sarah’s actually told everyone about it now, because I went to see her today...but the question remains, will anyone believe her?”
“Well I don’t know,” Ray pondered. “Is Sarah known for telling the truth?”
“I suppose so yes,” Emma sighed. “Well, that is she doesn’t tell lies but...let’s put it this way, unless you specifically ask her to keep a secret, you can guarantee that whatever Sarah knows soon spreads like wildfire,” Emma sighed again. “Perhaps I should have asked her to keep quiet about this...but then again...I’m still getting my head round it and can’t take it in.”
“What that I came up to talk to you and gave you my number?” Ray asked.
“Well yes,” Emma replied. “I mean it’s not everyday somebody famous comes up to talk to you...I mean, actually chat you up and give you their number.” Emma laughed after saying this.
“True,” Ray said after considering it for a second. “I suppose to you and your friends I am pretty special...but I just...well I don’t think I’m anything special; I’m just human like you.”
“I know,” Emma agreed. “I tell you what, I’ll tell my dad about you after we’ve finished talking yeah?”
“Oh...well there’s no rush really,” Ray said, though secretly he felt happy about this. “As long as I get to see you tomorrow, I don’t care how long you take to tell your dad about me.”
“No, I will tell him,” Emma insisted. “I want him to know about you; I don’t like keeping secrets from my dad.”
“Ok,” Ray shrugged. “Well I’m glad you still want to talk to me, I was worried you wouldn’t.”
“No need to worry,” Emma reassured him. “I wouldn’t miss meeting you for all the world.”
“So glad darling,” Ray said, then stopped himself. Was it too soon to be calling her ‘darling’?
“So...you still okay to meet me at midday?” Emma asked him. “At the place we arranged?”
“Absolutely,” Ray agreed. “Meet you at the clock on the High Street...near the railway station isn’t it?”
“That’s right,” Emma smiled. “Can’t wait.”
Mick was glad he and the boys had a few weeks before they would be doing another gig and then setting off on their European tour. He felt he needed a break, not only from playing with the band, but also from seeing Robert, because the manager had not left him alone all weekend, and Mick had said no to him each time. He had told Dave all about their confrontation, and his boyfriend had told him he would support him whatever decision he made, whether it was agreeing to see his mother to get Robert off his back because he would not accept no for an answer, or warning Robert to stop bothering him about it.
The boys would be doing a few interviews for radio stations in the coming weeks before their performance at the Empire Pool along with several other bands, but luckily he did not have to see Robert during that time, so that at least would give him time to think about this. He supposed if Robert was dating his mother and their relationship was serious, he would no doubt see Janice anyway before too long, so maybe Mick could not avoid her forever.
Once they had returned to their flat and they were relaxing on the sofa with a cup of tea, Dave resting his feet over Mick’s knee, the drummer brought up the subject again, “Dave, do you think I should see Janice?”
“Only if you want to,” Dave said gently. “It has to be because you want to and not because Robert wants you to. It’s none of his business anyway.”
“Well that’s just it,” Mick sighed. “I don’t want to, not really. I can’t help but think that Robert’s only trying to talk me into seeing her because she’s asking him to and won’t leave him alone about it...I’m thinking maybe I should help the poor guy out.”
“Oh come on,” Dave scoffed. “Robert’s a cunt, if he wants to be with your mum then that’s his problem not yours.”
“What if she’s just using him to get to me though?” Mick asked. “What if she just wants to make herself feel better for neglecting me as a child?”
“I can’t answer that,” Dave shrugged. “But I don’t see why Robert has to involve himself in it really; surely she can’t mean that much to him.”
“Maybe she does,” Mick sighed. “Maybe they are serious and that’s why he’s so keen to get her back into my good books.”
“Oh fuck,” Dave said, having a sudden thought. “You know if they got married, Robert would be your step dad.”
“I don’t think so because I hardly see her as my mother anymore,” Mick said, grimacing at the very thought. “Though if he was my step dad...well he can’t be any worse than the last one. Anyway I’m a grown man now and don’t need a step dad or any adult to take care of me.”
“Mick you shouldn’t let Robert dictate to you about seeing your mum,” Dave said, stroking Mick’s hair to comfort him. “Robert’s our manager and his job is to look after us as a band, nothing more. He has no right to try and make you see your mum; you don’t owe her anything.”
“No I don’t,” Mick agreed. “But maybe I owe it to myself to get closure if nothing else. Maybe I should just hear what she has to say, I just don’t know.”
“Only you can decide that Mick,” Dave said. “If you are going to see her and be civil towards her, it’s certainly more than I could do. I’d probably tell her to rot in hell...and Robert I’d be telling to mind his own fucking business because he hasn’t a clue!”
“Don’t be too hard on Robert,” Mick said sadly. “Maybe he cares enough to want us both to build bridges.”
“Mick your problem is you have too gentle a heart,” Dave shook his head. “I’ve known Robert longer than you and he can be a right devious fucking cunt. Mick seriously, don’t be bullied; I don’t want you to get hurt.”
“I don’t think I’ll be hurt,” Mick murmured as he took a sip of tea. “I don’t regret the life that came after I ran away; I don’t think there’s anything else she can do to hurt me now. Also, Robert may have his faults, but he has to be way better than Ted.”
“Does Robert know what that bastard did to you?” Dave asked him, taking hold of his hand.
“I’m not sure,” Mick answered, shrugging his shoulders. “He knows whatever my dear mother found it necessary to tell him.”
“Well...I suppose the question now is, do you want to find out what she’s told Robert?” Dave asked. “Do you even want to know?”
“I really really don’t know what I want to do,” Mick sighed. “I wonder what Steve would advise me to do. Maybe I should ask Rachel what she thinks too.”
“If they care about you as much as I do, they’d probably feel the same as me,” Dave opined. “I bet they’d tell you to be careful, but that only you can decide what to do.”
“You’re probably right,” Mick smiled at his lover affectionately. “Looks like I’ve got a lot of thinking to do before good old Robert decides to bother me again,” Mick sighed. “Even then, my answer might just be ‘I’ll think about it.’”
“That’s fine by me,” Dave smiled and leaned forward to kiss the drummer gently on the lips. “I’m here for you whatever you decide to do.”
Ray waited nervously for Emma to arrive, hoping this girl would not stand him up. They had agreed to meet by the town clock near the railway station at midday.
Ray looked at his watch; it was a few minutes past twelve...that meant nothing. It would not hurt for Emma to be a few minutes late, after all, she had told him she would be coming by train, and he knew that trains were often delayed. However, he still could not help but feel anxious, after all he had only met her the Friday just gone, and he had waited all weekend to see her.
Ray had always known the right girl was out there waiting for him somewhere; he was so sure Emma was the one, so much so that he had driven his band mates crazy by either going on about how beautiful she was or just not paying attention to anything anyone was saying, and that was equally annoying to everyone. Ray did not care, because this girl was worth every bit of stick he got and worth the travelling too.
He sat down on a nearby bench and looked at his watch; it was now approaching five minutes past twelve. The more he waited, the more nervous he became. Would this girl turn up at all? Emma’s train was apparently due to arrive in the station at midday, so by his reckoning, she should be here any minute. He was not going to panic just yet, but then he told himself he needed to be realistic. What if he had wasted his whole journey? What if he was wasting his whole day?
Robert had certainly tried to dissuade him from making the journey from London to Watford, by pointing out that he could probably do a lot better; there were so many beautiful glamorous women who would be falling at his feet soon enough, so why waste his time on a nobody? Emma however, was certainly not a nobody to Ray, and he was not going to listen to Robert. No, he was going to wait a lot longer before he decided this girl was not coming...but then he waited...his watch soon said ten past twelve...no, Emma could still show up; women were always a little bit late.
Ray sighed and looked out into the street at the people walking by, then the thought occurred to him that any minute someone might recognise him; that would be annoying because the only person he wanted to see was Emma, but would she turn up? He remembered calling her yesterday and her father answering the phone. The man had not sounded hostile at all, and he did not warn Ray to stay away from his daughter, as a lot of fathers would have. The man had been polite, pleasant and as soon as Emma had arrived home he had handed her over, so it was unlikely that he would have told her not to meet him. Besides, Emma was eighteen, an adult in the eyes of the law, so her father would not have any right to stop her from going out to meet anyone.
Still, Ray could not help but worry in the back of his mind that he was wasting his day...but Emma had told him she would be here and that she could not wait to see him; that had to count for something, surely she would turn up...surely.
Then Ray remembered what Robert, Grenville and the other Kinks had said to him...none of them had been particularly positive about this and they had all pissed him off, though Mick had been the kindest one out of all of them and had said, “Ray has obviously made up his mind about this girl and there’s no point in trying to talk him out of it. I say best of luck Ray.”
Yes, indeed Mick had been just about the only one Ray had not wanted to punch in the face, because the rest of them had made his blood boil. Although he would never punch Pete, even his best friend had annoyed him by telling him he would not be surprised if the whole thing ended in tears. Pete had warned him that this girl may not be as adorable as she seemed, and that she may only use him for his money and fame. Ray had got angry and had replied to Pete’s comment by asking the bassist how did he know Cathy was not doing exactly the same thing? The two had then fallen out for a little while, but had made friends just before they went home, which was good because he hated falling out with Pete, not that it happened often of course; Ray valued Pete’s friendship far too much to hold a grudge over some comment, and he realised that Pete had only said what he did because he cared.
Dave had almost made Ray punch him, and Ray had only avoided doing this because he had only made up with his brother not that long ago, so did not want to fall out with him again, as they were both trying their best not to argue and to deal with any issues they had like adults. Nevertheless, Dave had not hesitated in throwing in his five pennies, “You know you’re a lovesick fool Ray, and this girl probably won’t show up so maybe you shouldn’t either!”
Of course, Ray had accused his brother of just being jealous, but Dave had annoyed him further by saying, “Oh you are so wrong; you just can’t handle the truth, and I bet you any money if you drive to Watford to meet her, she won’t show up!”
Ray did worry that his brother may be right, but even so, they had both agreed on a bet. If Dave was right, Ray would pay him ten pounds and vice versa. He was desperate to see this beautiful girl, and he could not do her the discourtesy of not turning up because of his own anxieties, so he tried not to overthink the things that Dave, Pete and their managers had pointed out, though he was getting more and more anxious as time went on. It got to quarter past, then twenty past...just as it was getting to twenty five past, Ray was beginning to wonder if his date would ever show up, even though he had promised himself he would wait a lot longer than this. He thought of the humiliation of having to admit to his band mates and managers that they had been right and that he had been a complete idiot...and becoming ten pounds poorer thanks to Dave.
As it began approaching half past midday, Ray was just about to get up and go for a walk, when suddenly a shadow fell across him, he looked up and somebody with a pale pink dress was standing above him, “Hello Ray,” the sweet voice said.
Ray looked up, and he could not believe it; Emma had showed up after all, yes she was half an hour late, but it was certainly better late than never. He stood up and looked into her bright blue eyes. He could see her face in the sunlight and she looked even more beautiful than she had on Friday night, “Emma, you turned up!” He said, unable to believe she really was there.
“Well how could I not?” Emma asked him shyly and blushing slightly. “And I’m so sorry I’m late,” she said regretfully. “My train was delayed and I was so scared you might not wait for me this long, but I’m so glad you did.”
“Of course I was going to wait for you,” Ray assured her. “I probably would have waited at least another hour before I decided you weren’t coming.”
Emma laughed at this, “I’m so glad,” she said happily. “So...what would you like to do now? Go for a walk perhaps?”
“Are you hungry?” Ray asked her. “I know a great place to eat; I used to do gigs at the Prince George pub a lot, and I think I remember the way.”
“I am quite hungry yes,” Emma said as she took his arm and they started walking. “But only because I was up quite early and had breakfast early, then I spent ages deciding what I was going to wear to come and meet you.”
“Well you look lovely,” Ray told her as he glanced at her pretty pink dress and matching stiletto heels. “You’re without a doubt the prettiest girl in Watford.”
Emma laughed at this, “Oh you are too kind,” she said, blushing.
“I’m just waiting any minute for someone to recognise me,” Ray said as they walked along the busy town. “So far no-one has and I don’t really want them to, which is why I’m keen to get to the Prince George; I’m sure a few people there will remember me from before I was famous.”
“Did you go there a lot?” Emma asked.
“A few times yes,” Ray replied. “They were quite keen to have us back there quite often, this time I’m going to be in there with a beautiful girl instead of my stupid brother.”
“You mean Dave?” Emma asked, blushing once again at being called ‘a beautiful girl’.
“He’s the only brother I’ve got,” Ray shrugged. “As well as si... five older sisters.”
“Oh wow, you’ve got a big family,” Emma said, sounding impressed. “You’ll have to tell me all about them; I wish I could have had brothers and sisters, but I’m an only child sadly.”
“Must be nice and peaceful,” Ray said. “You are lucky to be an only child.”
“Not really,” Emma said. “It can actually be quite lonely; you’re the lucky one.”
“If you say so,” Ray shrugged again. “And sure I’ll tell you all about them if you want to hear about them but...well, that depends how long you’ve got.”
“All day,” Emma said, smiling.
Ray looked at her; she looked so beautiful when she smiled. “That’s good,” Ray said happily. “I’ve got all day too.”
“You know what,” Emma said suddenly. “I think we’re being watched...or maybe it’s you those people are looking at!”
Ray looked around, and sure enough, a group of people with cameras were looking right at him and Emma. He did not like the way they were pointing at him even though they could clearly see that he was looking right at them. Why were they being so rude? Surely even he had a right to some privacy and to walk out on the streets with a girl without being stared at and talked about just because he was famous. Ray felt angry at the way they were not even pretending to be minding their own business and that they had the nerve to go on pointing at him and talking and staring as if he were somehow blind.
“Those people are making me uncomfortable,” Emma said, her voice shaking a little. “Come on, let’s go down this alley; I can get you to the pub quicker!”
Ray allowed Emma to take him by the hand and to lead him down a quaint little alleyway that had lots of old fashioned looking little shops, he said nothing as he enjoyed the feeling of her pretty hand in his. Then suddenly, Emma stopped and looked back the way they came, anxiously checking to see if anyone was following them, “Can you see anyone?” Ray asked her, he did not want to look back himself because he was enjoying observing her beautiful face, and he just wanted to kiss her right there and then.
Emma looked at him, and shook her head, “Not yet!” She whispered. “Come on, let’s keep going!”
Ray did not argue with her, he was actually quite enjoying having her lead the way, although he had been planning on the two of them having a nice long walk along the streets of Watford town centre. As that was not happening because of prying eyes, he was enjoying this little adventure instead, although he was quite keen to sit down somewhere so they could talk and get to know each other properly, then if things worked out, he wanted to see her again most definitely, because this girl was doing something for him that no other girl ever had before.
Emma then turned a corner suddenly and was leading him down a much darker and not quite so cheerful looking alley, “Hope you know this place better than I do,” he pointed out.
Emma stopped and looked him full in the eye, in almost a seductive way, “Oh yes I do,” she assured him with a flirtatious grin, then her face dropped. “I came here a few years ago with my friend Sarah, and we got chased down here once.”
“Who was chasing you?” Ray asked in alarm.
“Just some guys who didn’t want to take no for an answer,” she said, looking scared at having to relive such a memory. “But it’s okay, we got away, and that time it was at night. Sarah hasn’t been to Watford since it happened.”
“That must have been terrifying,” Ray said, shocked and horrified to think what could have happened to them both; it also reminded him of what happened to Mary.
“Yes it was,” Emma sighed. “But we got away; we probably should have called the police but...anyway come on; those people could still be trying to find you.”
As Emma continued to lead him through the dark alley that eventually led out into another part of the town, Ray thought back to what had happened to his sister; if only she could have got away from her attacker...or preferably if she had not walked home by herself at all. She could have been there to see him and Dave become famous musicians. She would have been so proud of them. That was another thing he would have to tell Emma about eventually if he got his way and they ended up dating officially. It was not going to be easy to talk about, but he did not want to keep anything from her; he already felt he was in love with this girl, and he hoped she would feel the same way about him too.
Finally, they got to the end of the alley and Ray found himself exactly where he wanted to be, the Prince George pub was just a few yards away; he just wanted to go there and relax with Emma for a little while so they could get to know each other. He was not going to let anyone ruin his date and woe betide anyone who tried. He had made the first step by going up to talk to her; that had worked, so he had jumped the first hurdle, the second being that she had called him, now they had arranged a date and met up, so finally things were falling into place. He was with the girl of his dreams and nobody was going to come between them.
Ray and Emma walked into the pub, hoping there would not be too many people there today. He turned to Emma as they got inside, “I know the perfect place we can sit and eat without anyone bothering us.”
“Oh that’s good news,” Emma smiled. God...Ray loved her smile.
Ray led her into the bar, where he saw someone he recognised right away, “All right there Ivor,” he said cheerfully to the barman who was cleaning an empty beer glass. “You remember me I hope.”
The man named Ivor looked up, and smiled immediately when he recognised Ray, “Oh my...it’s really you isn’t it? Ray Davies of the Kinks, formally the Ravens...what the hell has brought you back to this place after all this time?”
“I’ve brought a date with me this time,” Ray said, placing his arm around Emma.
“Hello,” Ivor said to Emma cheerfully, and Emma returned his greeting with a friendly smile and a nod.
“So do you think we could sit somewhere out of sight?” Ray asked the barman. “I have one table in mind and it’s in a quiet corner through there.” Ray pointed to the seating area in the next room.
“Well you’re lucky it’s not so busy today so that table should be free,” Ivor nodded and gestured to the room Ray wanted to go. “Have you come here for lunch?”
“We have yes,” Ray replied cheerfully.
“Go and sit down and I’ll bring you a menu.”
Ray took Emma to the hidden table he wanted to be at. It had been a while since he had been to this pub, and it looked somehow different during the day. As the two sat down and waited for a menu to be brought, he started to tell her about the gigs himself, Dave and Pete used to perform at the Prince George every month or so. Sometimes they would do more than one gig several nights in a row and they sometimes would stay the night in the rooms upstairs.
“So did you enjoy coming here?” Emma asked him, clearly she was interested in hearing all about him.
“I have to admit this is one of the nicest pubs we’ve played at, and the rooms were clean and the beds were comfortable...even though Dave really could be a handful,” Ray rolled his eyes as he thought of all the antics his younger brother would get up to in the very early days when he was much less mature than he seemed to be now.
“Was he?” Emma said, raising her eyebrows and showing him she was keen to hear more. “I’ve heard younger brothers usually are.”
“No kidding!” Ray said, rolling his eyes again. “The number of times me and Pete have had to get him out of trouble, or have had to go looking for him because Mum would kill me if anything happened to him.”
“Is he still a handful now?” Emma asked.
“Not quite so much now...surprisingly,” Ray said, wondering about the change in his brother. “He’s eighteen now and he does seem to have grown up a lot...still gets on my nerves though.”
“I bet he does,” Emma laughed as a female member of staff brought them a menu each. “Oh thanks,” she said to the young lady, who smiled and asked them if they would like a drink while they decided what they wanted to eat. Emma ordered a ginger beer, and Ray ordered a coke. Then they looked at the menu and it did not take them long to decide what they wanted to eat. Ray noticed the menus had changed slightly from last time he had visited, and last time he had eaten with Dave and Pete. Emma wanted pizza and chips, so as Ray could not make up his mind what he wanted, he went for the same as her.
As they were eating their lunch, Emma began to tell Ray about her own life. She told him how she pretty much had a normal childhood, about her lifelong friend Sarah who had been at the concert with her on Friday night, although Ray had not noticed her because he had been too busy mooning over Emma. She and Sarah had been friends since school, and although they had both taken different career paths (Sarah was a hairdresser and had her own business), they had never drifted apart. They had both gone to study different things at different colleges and although they had both met other friends, it did not change anything between them. Emma then went on to explain to Ray why it was only herself and her father at home.
“Oh really I didn’t know that,” Ray said in surprise. “Did your mum...sorry, go on.”
“No, it’s okay,” Emma said as she dipped one of her chips into a pot of tomato ketchup. “My mum’s not dead, but she’s not living with us either.” Emma did not look at Ray as she said these words, and Ray could not help but be curious, but at the same time, he did not want to pry.
The most sensible thing Ray could say to her was, “Umm...do you want to talk about it?” He asked, then added, “But you don’t have to if you don’t want to.”
“Are you sure you want to hear about it?” Emma said as she ate her chip and picked up another one and dipped it into the sauce.
“Umm...I don’t mind,” Ray assured her.
“Well, okay but you’ll be shocked,” Emma said as she bit into her chip, as she was eating it she added, “This food is really good don’t you think?”
“Yeah...yeah it is,” Ray agreed. “Glad you’re enjoying it.” He did not want to push Emma into talking about her mother if she was uncomfortable with it, but he was curious, and it sounded like it was something much more serious than running off with another man.
Emma looked at him, she smiled sadly and said, “I can tell you’re dying to know about my mother so I’m going to tell you,” she said, touching his hand softly.
Ray was taken aback; he did not want Emma to think he was prying, so he said quickly, “Oh no...no I’m not dying to know, I mean obviously I want to know all about you ‘cos I wanna get to know you but…”
“She tried to kill me!” Emma said bluntly. “She’s mentally ill and she’s in psychiatric hospital, has been held there since she stabbed me!”
Ray was stunned; he did not know what to say.
“Told you you’d be shocked,” Emma said, returning to her lunch. “I did warn you.”
“S...seriously?” Ray stuttered as he watched Emma calmly eat her pizza as though she had never made such a shocking statement.
Emma looked at him and nodded, “Yeah,” she whispered, then looked apologetic, “Oh dear, that was quite a big thing to say on a first date...this is a date right?”
“Well yeah...of course,” Ray said. “And just so you know, my life hasn’t exactly been straight forward either...though not quite in the same way as yours.”
Emma nodded her understanding, “Well you are welcome to tell me anything...if you want to,” she said kindly.
That was when Ray decided to tell Emma about Mary; it was not an easy thing to talk about but he felt he wanted to get it out of the way, “Well...you know I said I had five sisters,” he began, and Emma nodded. “That’s not exactly true, because...I did have six to begin with.”
“Oh? So...you want to tell me about that?” Emma asked carefully.
A lump came to Ray’s throat as he recalled the worst day of his life, the day the whole family heard that Mary’s body had been found in a field behind their house, “My eldest sister,” he began, slowly. “She...died.”
Emma looked truly heartbroken at what Ray had told her, “Oh Ray...that’s...that’s awful,” she said kindly. “I’m so sorry.”
“Thank you,” Ray whispered, wiping a tear from his eye and feeling annoyed with himself for crying in front of this girl, and on their first date too, but Emma did not seem to judge him for it.
“You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to,” Emma said, touching his hand and stroking it gently.
“Thanks, and I’m sorry,” Ray sniffed and wiped his face on the back of his hand.
“There’s no need to apologise,” Emma assured him. “Perhaps it’s my fault.”
“Why do you say that?” Ray asked, confused.
“Because I brought up the subject of me and my Dad and why it’s only the two of us,” Emma explained, looking ashamed of herself. “You shouldn’t have felt obliged to share your...well what happened with your sister.”
“I just felt that...if you and I...if we see each other again,” Ray explained. “That is...if we arranged another date, then eventually I would be telling you about Mary because...I feel awkward saying I only have five sisters when that’s not entirely true...at least it hasn’t always been...Emma, do you feel that you would like to meet up with me again after today? Because I would understand if you didn’t.”
“Yes, yes I would very much like to see you again,” Emma said. “In fact, when do you think you’ll be available again?”
“Well I’ve got a few radio interviews in the next few weeks, another gig in London before I have to go off on a European tour with the band,” Ray said. “But other than that, I can see you whenever. Are you available any time this week?”
“Oh I was hoping to be able to see you again in the week,” Emma said excitedly. “I’ve got the whole week off work you see but I didn’t want to mention that because I thought you would say no you’re too busy or something.”
“Emma, I want to see you as much as I can before we go on tour,” Ray stressed. “Apart from the radio interviews with the boys and that one gig in London...well...I’m really not that busy at all until then, and after the tour we’ll be back in the studio but...well, that doesn’t mean to say I won’t make time for you.”
“I’m so glad to hear it,” Emma smiled. “Because I was hoping you would say that, but let’s enjoy this date first and then see when we can meet up again.”
After that, the date went exceptionally well. After they had eaten their lunch, they had ice cream for dessert, and Emma told Ray that she would love to come to this pub again as the staff were so friendly and the food was delicious.
They stayed exactly where they were and talked over coffee for a couple more hours, not realising exactly how long they had been there for, but in that time, Ray told her all about his other siblings and how Lorna was the one he was closest to. He told her a few other basic facts about his family, though he did not want to sour the atmosphere of their date by saying anything negative about his mother or Dave or anyone else; he decided that could wait for another time.
In return, Emma told him about her job, about how she had gone to college beforehand and about her hobbies which included, sewing, embroidery and other needlework which she found relaxing, and also baking, which she sometimes did for her local church when they had summer fetes.
Ray found himself liking this girl more with every passing moment. When they realised they had been in this pub long enough, and Ivor the barman had not realised they had been there all this time, Ray said hello to a few other people who remembered him and the boys when they used to play at the Prince George, including Ivor’s dad, who was the pub owner and manager and remembered the Ravens well and had felt so proud when he had heard they had found success as the Kinks. After they both decided they had had enough of the pub and wanted a change of scenery, Ray walked out with Emma and they sat by the fountain that was just outside the pub.
Ray looked into her eyes and asked her, “I hope you’ve enjoyed today; I’m so glad you turned up you know because I was scared you wouldn’t.”
“And I was scared you wouldn’t be there when I did turn up,” Emma replied with a smile. “I’m so glad you waited for me.”
“This date doesn’t have to be over you know,” Ray told her. “There must be something else we could do, after all it’s not even three o’clock yet.”
“I would love to stay around a little while longer,” she said. “What would you like to do? Maybe have a look what’s on in the pictures...but then….that would mean not talking to each other at all.”
“I like talking to you though,” Ray said. “I would love you and I to go and see a film but…”
“But we’re still getting to know one another,” Emma finished his sentence for him. “And I think going to the pictures is for couples who have talked and talked and are completely bored with talking to one another...so they just want to cuddle up and watch a good film instead.”
This made Ray laugh, “Maybe you’re right,” he agreed. “But I don’t think I’ll ever get bored of talking to you Emma; you’re sweet and funny and you seem to understand me, not to mention how pretty you are.”
“Oh dear, I wish you wouldn’t say that,” Emma laughed shyly. “I can feel myself blushing.”
“Why?” Ray asked. “I’m only telling the truth.”
Emma looked into the water and brushed her hands against the surface, “Thanks for today Ray,” she said with a far away look in her eyes. “It was so special and I loved every minute of it.”
“Hey, like I said, it’s not over yet,” Ray said, resisting the urge to kiss her; he knew he must not, because kissing on the first date was always a no no for him, but she was so beautiful, which was why he was desperate for a second date with her as soon as possible, preferably later that week. “Come on, let’s go for a walk.”
Ray and Emma walked back into the busy town, talking about their favourite music, and they found they liked some of the same things and owned some of the same records.
Secretly, Ray was less than impressed to hear she liked the Who and the Rolling Stones, and he was even less pleased when she admitted she used to fancy Keith Richards. He forgave her however, when she told him she loved the Beatles, Elvis, Gene Pitney, Perry Como and Joe Brown, as well as a few of the latest mod groups that had recently come out.
Before the day was over, Ray had decided to pick her up at her home in a couple of days and show her around London, as she had not been there for years and had forgotten what much of the city looked like. She was very excited at the thought. Although it was too early to admit this, Ray could not bear to be parted from his beautiful Emma, who he was sure...or at least he hoped she at least liked him a little bit by now, and so he offered to take her home himself, because he wanted to see where she lived and work out the route on his map, and also he did not want her to go home on the train, because he just wanted to hang on to her as long as possible.
Chapter 25
Summary:
The Kinks are late for their performance at the poll winners awards, which worries Cathy because she needs Pete there to protect her from a certain creepo. Also, it looks like Peter's broken heart will be mended sooner that he thought...among other things that happen in this rather lengthy chapter.
Notes:
This chapter would have been longer if I had decided to put everything that happens on the day of the National poll winners concert in there, as it happens, the next chapter will include what happens afterwards.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Love me til the sun shines
Chapter 25
Having now had two dates with Emma, Ray had not been the same, and his band mates noticed this. He would act in a dreamy manner whenever they were in the studio or whenever the band were together for promotional work. Dave had always told him he sounded dopey when he talked anyway, but now this dopiness was becoming more annoying, especially when Dave had to listen to it over the phone.
Before the Kinks headed off on their European tour, they were due to play at the Empire Pool along with several other acts and they were supposed to be preparing for that, yet all Ray would ever talk about or think about was Emma, and it drove the rest of them up the wall. Even though they were happy for him, there was only so much they could listen to before it got on their nerves, but Mick was kind and would listen patiently.
Pete had been Ray’s best friend for a long time and was genuinely happy that Ray had found the girl of his dreams, but even he thought Ray’s mooning was getting a little boring now. Dave was pretty pissed off with the situation, (though he did his best not to show it) since he had been wrong about Emma not turning up for her date with his brother, he had lost the bet they had made and Ray had made sure Dave had coughed up the ten pounds they had both shook hands on.
Still, Dave soon stopped being pissed off when he remembered how he had found true love before Ray had. Even though he had to hide his relationship with Mick from the world, the deep love he felt for the drummer, and knowing Mick loved him back was worth holding on to. Whenever they were alone together in their flat, they could shut the door on the cruel world that tried to deny them their feelings for one another as if what they had was dirty and disgusting. Dave would happily have shouted to the world how in love he was, but he knew that it was not possible and sometimes that broke his heart.
He became pissed off all over again when he thought of how Ray would be able to show off his beautiful girlfriend and kiss her in front of people, hold her hand in public and not hide anything, whereas he and Mick could only show affection for each other behind closed doors, and it was so unfair.
What worried Dave was the fact that now both Ray and Pete had girlfriends, it would only be a matter of time before questions would be raised about why he and Mick were still ‘single’. He knew for a fact that Robert was trying to set both of them up with any girl he thought suitable, but all they both wanted was to be left alone. Dave knew he had a beautiful thing going with Mick, who was already getting enough grief from Robert about his mother.
Today the band were together in the studio, after having put the finishing touches on their new album. Now they had enough time to spare, they were going over the two songs they would be playing at the Empire Pool in a few days time. Dave was already dreading the NME National Poll winners awards, for which the Kinks were one of the bands nominated as the best newcomers, simply because he had heard that some female singer, known as Twinkle, would be there too, and Robert as usual had made some remark about how good she and Mick would look together. Why did there have to be so many threats to his relationship? Why were people trying to take Mick from him? Mick had told him not to be silly and that he was not going anywhere; he had told Dave only the other night after they had made love, “I’m yours Dave, yours for life.”
Dave desperately wanted to believe these words and that nothing anyone said or did would persuade his beautiful Mick to leave him, but the trouble was that he loved Mick so much that it hurt. He could never imagine his life without the drummer now, just thinking about him made his heart literally ache and Dave was quite sure if anything went wrong and if ever there came a time when for some reason, he and Mick could no longer be together, he would kill himself.
Dave was sitting in the recording studio with the boys and they were almost finished for the day, apart from the issue of their upcoming performance, which they had not yet managed to discuss properly because of Ray’s constant pining for Emma, who he was desperate to see again. After he had taken her around London, a few days after their first date in Watford, the two had agreed they were more than friends. It did seem quick, but they had spent the whole day together and had felt a strong connection with one another.
Dave was trying his hardest not to show it, but he was fed up with Robert going on about Twinkle, who had apparently just broken up with a member of the Bachelors so that meant she was available. Dave did not know why this worried him, and it was only sitting next to his beautiful boyfriend and sharing a cigarette with him that was really keeping him calm. Fuck, he wished he could hold Mick’s hand.
It was only one o’clock in the afternoon and they were leaving early today, which Pete could not wait to do because he was going to see Cathy and spend some time with her, which he felt was important because when the band left to go on tour in the near future, it would be a fairly long time before the two saw each other again. The bassist did not really see any point in having come to the studio today, as they had all agreed before now that they were happy with their album and as for the upcoming live gig, Pete felt he knew both the songs they would be doing perfectly well...in fact he was sure he could play them blindfold and he saw no need to rehearse them at all. So although he tried not to show it, he was becoming a little irritable now.
Pete became even more irritable when Dave finally lost his rag with Ray, which he had not done in a long time and although that was a good thing, Pete had still been puzzled as to why the younger Davies brother had changed so much. However, it was only going to be a matter of time before the two brothers would disagree on something yet again.
“Look Ray,” Dave sighed after they had got into an argument about girls for the first time in what must have been two years. “I don’t know what the fuck makes you think I’m out to fuck up every relationship you have; I can assure you now, I’m far too busy these days and far too mature to make a play for your Emma. You know...strictly speaking you shouldn’t even be seeing her!”
“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” Ray hissed, getting up from the chair he was sitting on and squaring up to his brother.”
“Come on you two,” Pete rolled his eyes and sighed. “You’ve both been so good the past few weeks with not falling out; don’t start again now.”
“Dave, why shouldn’t Ray be seeing Emma?” Mick asked curiously.
“I agree why shouldn’t he?” Pete asked, sounding exasperated.
“Well...only because she was a girl in the audience who’d come to see us play,” Dave shrugged. “Even Robert was pissed off about it because it wasn’t the time to be chatting up a bird.”
“Yeah well...I don’t care,” Ray said, determined. “I love this girl and I don’t care what any of you think.”
“Hey, no-one’s said you can’t go on seeing her Ray,” Grenville had just walked into the room and had overheard what was being said.
“No damn right you can’t!” Ray snapped, turning to face their favourite manager. “No-one dictates to me who I can and can’t see...not ever!”
“Well it’s not so much that you’re seeing her Ray,” Grenville sighed and sat in the chair Ray had been sitting in. “It’s more the way you met her...I suppose we still can’t get over how you just walked off the stage to go and talk to her.”
“But we will,” Mick quickly added. “We’ll get over it...well...I never had a problem with it in the first place...not really.”
“Not really?” Ray questioned, raising his eyebrow and sensing a ‘but’ coming on from the drummer..
“No...I suppose I was a bit surprised,” Mick shrugged. “But things do happen for a reason and I’m happy for you; I hope it works out.”
“Thank you Mick,” Ray smiled gratefully to his band mate. “I think Dave’s jealous though.”
“Oh no...he’s not,” Mick said without thinking, then quickly shut his mouth, worried he may give the game away if he said any more.
“Course I’m not fucking jealous you prat!” Dave said, giving his brother a weird look. “What would I have to be jealous of? Yeah, she may be a pretty girl, but she’s not my type.”
Ray laughed at this, as did Pete and Grenville, knowing...or at least believing that what Dave had said could not be further from the truth.
“Dave, any girl’s your type,” Ray said mockingly. “At least that’s how it used to be!”
“Don’t know what you mean,” Dave said, feeling uncomfortable and knowing he should not look at Mick while having this argument. “What gives you that idea?”
“Come on Dave,” Pete muttered. “You know full well that until a couple of years ago, you went for anything in a skirt, but for some reason-and I’m not saying it’s bad-you just don’t seem interested in girls anymore.”
Mick’s face turned deathly pale just listening to this conversation; were they about to be found out?
However, Dave seemed to be handling this issue quite well, so Mick hoped his lover would end this ridiculous argument soon, but sometimes, Mick could not help but secretly wonder if Dave enjoyed picking an argument with Ray just for the sake of it, however, he felt proud of his secret boyfriend when, instead of answering Pete’s remark with the usual ‘I am so interested in girls,’ Dave instead replied with, “You haven’t got a fucking clue what I’m interested in!”
“But the point is Dave, you’re not seeing anyone,” Ray pointed out. “You haven’t done for a long time.”
“What would you fucking know about me?” Dave glared at his brother. “I don’t have to explain myself to you, or inform you whether or not I’m seeing anyone.”
What the hell are you doing Dave? Mick thought, almost hyperventilating.
“So you are seeing someone?” Ray asked in surprise. “Who?”
Dave, still afraid to make eye contact with Mick, looked at his brother and said, quite teasingly, “Wouldn’t you like to know!”
“Well, yes, I would,” Ray said in a confronting way that made his brother uncomfortable...and Mick too. “We all would.”
“Yeah Dave,” Grenville agreed with Ray. “Have you got a girlfriend?”
“It’s none of anyone’s fucking business!” Dave snapped, then he turned in anger to his older brother and hissed, “Just keep your fucking nose out of my life and live your own!”
“Heeeey...Dave calm down,” Grenville said in surprise. “What’s got into you?”
“I just wish people would mind their own business about my life is all!” Dave growled, glaring at Grenville, who had dared to ask him if he had a girlfriend. “And if Robert mentions fucking Twinkle one more time, or about how he wants Mick to fuck her, so help me I’ll punch him in his stupid face and break his fucking jaw!”
“DAVE!” Mick stood up with a look of disgust on his face. “There was no need for that remark and I don’t think that’s what Robert said...and besides, I heard she’s only about sixteen or seventeen...she’s closer to your age, too young for me!”
Mick then blushed when he realised the hypocrisy of what he had just said, after all he was secretly seeing Dave who was only three years younger than himself and only eighteen, so why would Twinkle be too young for him? Then again it might be a good idea to divert any suspicions, but luckily, Ray took no notice of what he had said.
“Perhaps Dave wants to fuck her,” Ray smirked.
“No he doesn’t,” Mick said, once again without thinking.
“Why not Mick?” Ray asked.
Mick blushed, realising he should not have said what he did as it may raise suspicions, “Umm...dunno,” he said quietly.
“Have you fucked Emma already?” Dave asked his brother, pissed off at him for daring to imply he would fuck anyone but Mick. “Is that why you’re so smug?”
“THAT IS CERTAINLY NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!” Ray yelled through clenched teeth. “And for your information, not that I should have to explain myself to any of you but no, because I haven’t known her all that long and I respect women, unlike Robert, and unlike you Dave!”
“HOW DARE YOU!” Dave cursed, physically pushing his older brother backwards, then Ray did the same.
“HEY STOP IT!” Grenville all but shouted, getting up to come between the two brothers.
“I’ve had enough of this,” Mick said, making his way to the door. “I’m going outside. Dave, when you’ve decided to grow the hell up, I’ll be sitting on the bench smoking another cigarette!”
With that, the drummer left the room, and Pete made his way out to follow him, “Hey where are you going?” Ray asked his best friend.
“To join Mick,” Pete replied, not looking back, then he decided to do just that, looking at the two brothers and Grenville, the bassist added, “You know, not only am I going to join Mick, I might go and see Cathy as well, because I’m done here for today, there’s nothing else to do so what’s the point in staying here listening to you two bickering?”
Ray was even more pissed off now that Pete had walked out, and wanted to punch Dave even more; in the back of his mind, he was still a little worried that once Emma met Dave, she would fall for his younger brother’s looks. It had taken him a long time to get over Dave having sex with his last girlfriend and so was now more determined than ever to make sure the same thing did not happen again. He glared at his younger brother, and Grenville looked too worried to leave the room in case they both rounded on each other again, and the manager said to them both, “As much as I would love to leave this studio right now, I’m too worried that you two are going to kill each other, or at least seriously injure.”
“Oh trust me,” Ray never stopped making eye contact with Dave as he replied to Grenville’s comment, “that’s exactly what I want to do right now.”
“But why?” Grenville asked in utter confusion. “What’s this all about anyway?”
“I...don’t really know,” Dave said, looking away from his brother after glaring at him equally as hard as Ray had. “We haven’t disagreed like this in weeks.”
Dave stepped away for a moment, trying to think what the hell he had got angry about in the first place, then he remembered. The whole thing that had wound him up was sheer frustration and fear. He was so in love with Mick but he knew that the minute their relationship was found out, they would not receive a positive outcome from anyone, and yet he wished more than anything he lived in a world where they could be open about their love.
When Dave had been accused of being jealous of his brother because he had a lovely new girlfriend, there was actually some truth in that, but not in the way that Ray, Pete and Grenville would have thought. He was jealous because Ray could shout to the whole world how in love he was, and boy, he had been doing that a lot lately. However, things were a bit more complicated for him and Mick; their love was at that time against the law.
Dave sometimes shuddered to think what would happen if ever their relationship was found out. If they were lucky, they would be thrown out of the band; perhaps they could run away together to a place where nobody knew them at all and just start their lives over. However things could take a different turn; someone could report them to the police for ‘gross indecency’, they would end up in court, they would get two years in jail, and not necessarily together. Then Dave thought this was unlikely, as they only ever made love in the privacy of their flat...not that anything was going to stop them having sex in other places like hotel rooms; they would just have to be careful.
Dave shuddered to think of the things that could happen to him and Mick, simply for loving each other, yet cunts like Robert could get away with fucking women in the back room of some seedy club. This was what had got Dave all wound up when for the hundredth time, Ray had gone on about how he wanted to introduce Emma to them all as his girlfriend, and Robert had remarked on how Mick was sure to like Twinkle... fucking Twinkle! She was the main reason why Dave had felt so upset and angry; the very idea that she could take his beloved away from him, and Robert’s implication that she totally could do that, (that Mick would actually like her) had irked him terribly. This was why Dave had lost his temper, it was the fear of losing Mick to some whore who could apparently sing, and Dave imagined that she was a whore too.
Dave did not want to fight with his brother anymore, he just wanted to go and see Mick and apologise for upsetting him, though for some reason, he was not sorry for upsetting any of the others. He was especially not sorry if he had upset Ray, not when he and his new girlfriend had it easy and not when Ray had accused him of wanting to fuck Twinkle. He would only apologise to Mick and explain to him exactly why he had behaved the way he did, surely Mick would understand it from his point of view when he told him about how he was feeling, and hopefully the drummer would also understand why Dave was pissed off with Robert, Grenville, Pete and especially Ray.
“I’m going outside,” Dave told Ray and Grenville. “I’ve had enough of this.”
Mick sat on a bench outside Pye Studios, trying to think what it was that made the Davies brothers fight so easily. They had done so well that past few weeks, and Dave had even told him the last time they had been intimate that right now, he was far too happy to hate his brother. Yet today they had fought, and it was not even over a big thing...then again, maybe it was.
Yes, it had seemed like a small disagreement turned nasty, but then what if Dave had had good reason to fly off the handle the way he had? His mind was telling him no, that Dave had simply grown tired of Ray going on about Emma and Robert going on about Twinkle, and as a result, Dave had kicked off. However, Mick thought that maybe Dave really did feel insecure enough to feel that their own relationship, which tragically had to be kept a secret, was under threat already. Mick loved Dave with all his heart and he never had any intention of starting a courtship with anyone else, not even as a cover up; no matter how hard it may prove to be, Mick was determined that he would never be with anyone but Dave, and he certainly hoped that Dave would return the favour.
Mick lit up a cigarette and remained sitting there thinking, taking occasional puffs. He was not a heavy smoker, but for some reason he could not kick the habit of a few cigarettes a day, even if it was just to suppress his boredom. Right now, he was not bored as such, just stressed and confused, as well as exasperated. What did he have to do to prove to Dave that he was the only one for him? A hand on his shoulder shook him out of his worrying thoughts; Mick was startled but turned to see that it was Pete.
“You made me jump,” Mick told his band mate, chuckling a little to think how nervous he was.
“Sorry,” Pete said, lighting up his own cigarette.
“That’s okay,” Mick smiled. “Did you want to get away from the squabbling too?”
Pete laughed, “Definitely,” he agreed. “Not even sure what it was about really.”
“Er...a combination of Emma, Robert, Ray and...oh yes...Twinkle I think,” Mick laughed.
“Yeah...that,” Pete agreed. “Yeah, all those things seemed to wind Dave up...and I know Ray’s been getting on everyone’s nerves about Emma...but he seems happy so we can’t begrudge him that.”
“Maybe to avoid annoying his brother, perhaps Ray should write all these things down,” Mick suggested with a shrug, “instead of telling everyone, not that I really mind; I wish men would be more like Ray and talk about their feelings.”
“I see your point Mick,” Pete said as he exhaled some smoke from his mouth. “Perhaps we’ll understand Ray’s feelings a bit more when we meet this Emma and get to know her; she actually does sound lovely.”
“Yeah...I’m sure she is,” Mick agreed, feeling a little down again about Dave and wishing his lover would come outside to see him; he just wanted to make the most of every moment they had together because no matter how careful they were, it could only be a matter of time before their secret was out and they were either kicked out of the band or the Kinks would be dropped by their record label.
Mick was unable to say anymore as he overthought the predicament that he and Dave were in; perhaps Dave had lost it because he knew that the love they had for one another would never be celebrated in the same way that Ray’s love for Emma would be.
Pete did not notice how depressed the drummer looked as he put his hand on Mick’s shoulder and said, “Anyway Mick, I’m going to see Cathy now; there’s no reason for me to stay here any longer and I’ve had enough of Ray and Dave for one day. I mean I love them both to bits, but sometimes, I just need a break from them.”
“Yeah...don’t blame you for that Pete,” Mick gave his friend a weak smile. “Hope you enjoy the rest of today.”
I’ll see you in a few days Mick,” Pete said, then walked away to his car.
Mick sat alone for a couple more minutes until Dave came out to join him on the bench; from the sad look on his boyfriend’s face, Mick could tell that Dave was feeling just as down as he was. Dave looked a little sheepish as he sat beside him, putting his hand in Mick’s and stroking it affectionately.
“I’m sorry,” Dave said sadly. “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”
“You might have given the game away with some of the things you said,” Mick pointed out, not looking at Dave at all. “Then again, so could I with what I came out with.”
“Nah...don’t be daft,” Dave said dismissively. “There’s no way any of them could know about us; they could never suspect, not with my past.”
“It’s not just that Dave,” Mick sighed. “Sometimes I think you’re looking for a reason to pick a fight with Ray.”
“I’m not,” Dave protested. “My brother just winds me up is all.”
“You wind him up,” Mick pointed out. “You’re both as bad as each other.”
“Yeah you’re right,” Dave agreed. “I don’t suppose Ray and I would have chosen each other as best friends...if we weren’t brothers that is.”
“But he’s your family,” Mick said with a far away look. “Family isn’t something I’ve ever taken for granted...I’ve never really had one...well, not like you, Ray and Pete have.”
“Families are overrated,” Dave said. “I love all my family, fuck I even love Ray, but sometimes, they’re more trouble than they’re worth...but you, you’re worth every bit of trouble!”
This made Mick chuckle, “So I’m trouble am I?”
“Erm...well...loving you can be just that little bit...well...problematic,” Dave joked. “But it was worse before we were together, when I didn’t know you would ever feel the same way.”
“Agreed,” Mick chuckled again.
“So...do you forgive me?” Dave asked.
“For what?” Mick asked, looking at Dave in an amused way.
“For...well fighting with my brother,” Dave replied. “And just being an arsehole in general...not that Ray isn’t an arsehole too.”
Mick looked away for a second, trying his best to keep a straight face; sometimes Dave was so annoyingly adorable with the things he came out with. When Mick did not answer, Dave pleaded with him, “Well...do you?”
“Yeah of course,” Mick said smiling at him.
The two gazed into each other’s eyes for a moment, Dave taking in the emerald green that had bewitched him right from the start. Right here and now he wanted to kiss Mick’s beautiful lips, but he knew he must not do that here, especially with the voice that was behind them. Dave rolled his eyes and groaned as he knew straight away who it was, his brother was making his way towards them. Dave did not realise he still had his hand in Mick’s; the drummer quickly pulled away from his touch and moved a little further away from him, much to Dave’s dismay...yet Dave knew that Mick had no choice.
“Where’s Pete?” Ray asked as he approached them and rested his hands on the back of the bench, pissing Dave off at the mere sight of him.
“Gone to see Cathy,” Mick told him.
“WHAT!” Ray exclaimed. “Well he had no right to do that!” Ray sighed and came round to sit on the other side of Mick and took out a packet of cigarettes from his pocket.
“Course he did Ray,” Mick said as he watched the band’s lead singer light up. “I can’t blame him for wanting to get away from you two for a bit; he needs a break from you both.”
“Whatever,” Ray said just before he inhaled a drag of his cigarette, then exhaled. “I’ll go home as well then and call Emma I think, see you two at rehearsals on Saturday.”
“Bye Ray,” Mick said cheerfully, secretly pleased that he and Dave were now alone together.
“Good riddance,” Dave said, not caring how Ray would react, and sure enough, as Ray walked past his brother, he gave Dave’s head a shove, “Ahh...ya cunt!”
Mick knew he should not have found that funny, but he could not help but suppress a giggle at what Ray had done and what Dave had said; sometimes, even though he did not like the Davies brothers having big fights, sometimes their rivalry could be comical.
Peter Noone listened as the Seekers performed one of their latest songs World of our own. He loved the song because he felt that he could relate to it...or at least if he had had his way, he would have been able to relate to it, because if Mick Avory had not broken off their short lived romance, they would still be together, and he and the Kinks drummer would have been seeing each other secretly and build a world of their own ‘that no-one else can share’ as the song lyrics said. Instead, because they would hardly see each other, he and Mick had both agreed that at present, it would be damn near impossible to get any time together because of their busy work schedules with their respective bands.
Peter totally understood why Mick had wanted to put any idea of a relationship on hold, but he had been far from happy about it. Although he did not show it or make it visible to anyone around him that he was hurting, Peter really missed Mick. How could he not? Mick was the most beautiful man he had ever seen and Peter did not believe there would be anyone, male or female who would even come close to the Kinks drummer in beauty.
Peter had known since he was very young that he found men attractive as well as women, and he had dated some lovely girls in his time, but Mick had been something else. Despite his bisexuality however, Peter never thought for one moment that he would want to be with a man at all, not ever, as he had always been taught that it was un-natural and disgusting, and until Mick had arrived on the scene, Peter had agreed with what he had been taught.
Yet Mick, probably without even realising it, had a way of bewitching people into wanting to do things they had never had the desire to do before. Peter even admitted to himself that when he first laid eyes on Mick, he had wanted to see his naked body, touch him all over, see every part of him, taste every part of him and finally fuck the drummer so that he would not be able to walk properly or sit down for a week or more.
Peter sighed; he knew the Kinks would be performing at the Poll winners concert today, but so far, they had not turned up. He had overheard someone complaining that they were late, but as they were not on for quite a while yet, there was still time for them. Peter decided he would wait patiently and when the Kinks arrived, he was going to talk to Mick, get him alone and tell him that he regretted letting him go.
Peter smiled as he listened to the last words of the Seekers’ song; he had found that he liked every song this Australian group had released so far and he hoped they would release a lot more. Then he suddenly realised that he was on next with Herman’s Hermits; Peter sighed as he remembered he needed to put on his happy face so that everyone thought he had no care in the world. Not even his band mates had seemed to notice how down in the dumps he had been feeling all these months, or if they had, they had not said anything. However, just as he felt he was about to cry because he wanted Mick so badly, a sweet voice behind him suddenly said, “Hello Peter.”
Peter was shaken out of his thoughts. He turned to look who had spoken to him; it was a young girl who looked about his own age, with blonde hair and was pretty...very pretty in fact.
“Hello yourself,” Peter smiled at her, not wanting her to know how sad he was and so he decided to flirt to cover up his depressive state as per usual.
The young woman looked at him shyly, “I’m sorry,” she said, blushing. “I know it’s a bit forward coming up and talking to you like this but when I saw you, I had to come and say hello while I had the chance. You’re my absolute favourite singer!”
Peter felt himself blushing, and for the first time in many months, he was suddenly thinking about someone other than Mick Avory, “I...really?” He said, completely taken aback, because no-one as yet had actually said that to his face before, unless he counted the many young girls who had sent him fan mail.
“Yes,” the pretty blonde girl told him. “Also, I...I hope you don’t mind me saying but...you look to me like you’ve been nursing a broken heart.”
Peter gave her a double take; how could she possibly be able to tell? He was fairly sure he had done a good job of putting on a happy face all this time, so how could this girl be able to tell how he was feeling inside, “Erm...what...what gives you that idea?”
“I don’t really know,” she answered awkwardly. “I just...especially now, there’s something about your eyes...that’s what I heard anyway, no matter how happy a person looks, if they’re only pretending to be happy and are hurting inside, you can always tell by their eyes.”
Peter did not know what to say to this comment, but he had to admit that she was spot on, and although he would never admit it, he had cried himself to sleep most nights and secretly wanted for so long for someone to say to him, ‘I know you pretend to be happy, but I know that you’re not okay.’
“I’m sorry,” the young girl said holding out her hand. “My name’s Lynn, but people know me better as Twinkle.”
Peter’s eyes widened as he remembered hearing that name before, “Of course,” he said as he shook her hand. “I have heard of you, I’m sorry. I’ve actually been away in America with my band, so I’m only just hearing about new British singers.”
“That’s quite all right,” Twinkle smiled, and he noticed how lovely her smile was and what pretty eyes she had. “Normally I’m quite shy and definitely don’t go up to people I don’t know and start talking to them...well...not guys anyway, but I saw you just now and I felt like you really needed a hug.”
Peter was very touched by her words, but decided he would not tear up in front of her, so decided to put on his cheeky act and responded by saying, “So...do I get a hug then?”
Twinkle did not need to be asked twice, and before he could even stop her (not that he would have) she placed her arms around him and pulled him into a hug, and he put his arms around her waist and hugged her back; he could smell her perfume, and he had not smelled anything so lovely since he was with Mick for that short time. As Twinkle pulled away from the hug, she did something he did not expect, she kissed him on the cheek. He felt himself blushing and he had this warm feeling he had not felt in a long time, as if his broken heart was finally beginning to mend.
“Can I tell you a secret?” She asked him. Peter nodded and she continued, “I broke up with my boyfriend not that long ago, so I know how you feel, but I’m kind of...no, not kind of, definitely getting over it now.”
“I’m very glad to hear it,” Peter told her. “I hope the next young man you meet will make you as happy as you deserve...and yes, you were right, I was only pretending to be happy before,” he sighed, “a lot like a clown I would say.”
They both laughed, then Peter’s band mates emerged from somewhere backstage, “Are you ready Noonie?” Derek asked him. “We’re about to go on.”
“Absolutely,” Peter told him.
“Hey I recognise you,” Karl said to Twinkle. “I don’t know your name though.”
“Twinkle,” she answered cheerfully. “I’ll be singing up there later on today.”
“And I’ll be watching,” Peter added, really hoping he would be able to talk to Twinkle again, but worrying he would not get to talk to her after the whole concert was over. However, he need not have worried; just before Peter went on stage with his band mates, Twinkle came up to him and quickly put something in his hand.
It was a folded up piece of paper, “Just in case for some reason we don’t get to talk again today,” she said, then added, “though I really hope we do talk later.”
Peter smiled at her, not wanting to leave her but knowing he had to, he put the piece of paper on the inside pocket of his jacket, then hearing Cathy McGowan announcing his band, he walked onto the stage with the others.
For the first time in what had seemed like forever, Peter’s happy act was genuine; he felt happy inside as well as outside and it felt wonderful. He had finally met someone who was able to take his mind off the beautiful Mick Avory, though throughout the band’s performance, Peter could not help but think of Mick and hope that he was just as happy; he would hate for Mick to still be feeling as heartbroken as he had felt. However, he would soon find out later that day that there was no reason for him to be concerned about Mick.
Cathy McGowan had not been happy to hear that her boyfriend and his band mates were late, because she had so been looking forward to seeing Pete. Although she was enjoying presenting the poll winners awards along with her fellow Ready Steady Go presenter Keith Fordyce, she really wished Pete was there to enjoy it with her. She had heard from someone else that there were several reasons why the Kinks were late, one of them being that they were stuck in traffic, but she really wanted for Pete to get here because whenever Keith went onstage by himself, she was left alone and kept feeling like she had to avoid Jimmy Saville, who was also presenting. She did not quite know why, but there was something about that man that she did not like...he seemed...creepy.
She decided that whenever Keith was not with her, she needed to be with someone at all times, anyone at all because there was something about Saville that made her think, Don’t let him see that you’re on your own!
Cathy looked around backstage to see if any of the stars were there to talk to. The Rolling Stones were friends of hers and due to play later on. Perhaps she could go and talk to them if she could find them, but they were probably in their dressing room messing around or practising, and she never liked to just knock on people’s dressing room doors, so she decided on anyone who was knocking around, anyone at all who she felt safe with.
Luckily, she caught sight of the singer Donovan coming out if his dressing room; he was nice, so she decided to go and say hello.
“Hey Donovan!” She called out and made her way over to him.
The singer saw her and smiled, he liked Cathy; she was one of those people who believed in him as a star in his own right, whereas there were many who thought he was just a Bob Dylan wannabe, “Hi Cathy,” he said cheerfully. “Glad I’ve seen you; I was getting so bored.”
“Aww is no-one looking after you?” She asked.
“Nope,” Donovan said sadly. “My manager and everyone else has gone off somewhere and left me all on my own; they said they’d be back and not to leave my dressing room, but I’m not staying in there any longer and I don’t care if they don’t like it.”
“Good, can I hang out with you until my boyfriend gets here?” She asked him. “I just don’t feel safe here with certain people knocking around.”
“What certain people?” Donovan asked, looking worried.
“Two words,” Cathy sighed. “Jimmy Saville.”
“Oh?” Donovan queried.
“Yep,” Cathy nodded, looking around feeling slightly paranoid. “He’s a creep and I won’t feel safe until Pete gets here, and I don’t want to be here on my own.”
“Oh well we can’t have that,” Donovan told her shaking his head. “Will Pete be long?”
“I don’t know,” Cathy shrugged. “He should be here with the Kinks by now, but they’re stuck in traffic. I mean it doesn’t matter too much because they’re not on for a while, but I just want them here so I feel safe.”
“Aww you don’t have to worry about anything while I’m here,” Donovan said kindly. “I don’t know this guy Jimmy Saville but if he is a creep like you say then I can’t allow you to wonder about all by yourself.”
“It’s okay when there’s people here,” Cathy said, and just as she was saying this, a group of guys turned up ready to go onstage; she recognised this group as Wayne Fontana and the Mindbenders. “Like now, but as soon as they leave the stage and there’s a break they disappear and I’m here all by myself and I’m scared.”
“I’m sorry to hear that,” Donovan said sympathetically. “Looks like everything’s okay at the moment, but I know what you mean about being left all by yourself with creeps hanging about; women have a right to feel safe.”
“I know,” Cathy agreed. “Anyway I feel much better now I’m talking to you and other people are here,” she waved to Wayne and his band, and mouthed the words ‘good luck’ to them, “so...are you looking forward to going onstage?”
“Very nervous,” Donovan replied, “but yes I am.”
“Nothing to be nervous about,” Cathy reassured him. “You’ll be great; it was different for me though because today was the first time I’ve been in front of a live audience, very different from presenting Ready Steady Go, but you’ve performed live before and you’re a natural.”
“Thanks,” Donovan said gratefully. “Makes me feel a bit better, and there’s only about three or four more acts to go before I’m on.”
“I’m introducing you,” Cathy said excitedly. “So proud to do so as well.”
“Thanks,” Donovan smiled.
“Just don’t leave me on my own until Pete gets here,” she begged.
“I won’t,” Donovan reassured her, pulling her into a hug. “I hope your boyfriend turns up before I go on stage though.”
“I’m going on with Keith just before that,” Cathy said, “so I should be okay for a while.”
In the audience watching the whole concert, Emma and Sarah were enjoying the performance by Wayne Fontana and the Mindbenders, and they could not wait to see the Rolling Stones perform. Sarah had bought tickets for the Poll winners concert many months before, completely unaware of course that her best friend would by then be dating a member of the Kinks. Sarah had at the time assumed she would be going with boyfriend Bobby, but he had been unable to make it this time, and so naturally she had brought Emma along. Emma was excited because she would not only get to watch her boyfriend perform without him knowing, but she had for a long time wanted to see both the Stones and the Beatles play live, and now she was achieving her dream.
This was the happiest Emma had been; she had an amazing new boyfriend and today she was going to surprise him after the show, though they had not yet worked out how they were going to get to Ray backstage or how they were ever going to find him at all, but they would hang out round the back of the building hoping the Kinks would come out.
It had surprised all of Emma’s friends, family and acquaintances how quickly her relationship with Ray had developed. Hell it had even surprised Emma how much she had taken to the singer because prior to meeting him, she had not been a Kinks fan as such, but she had quickly fallen in love with the person Ray was, plus he was not at all bad looking and now she hoped she would never have to live her life without him.
About an hour later, the Kinks had finally arrived at the Empire Pool, after having one bad thing after another happen to them. The day had not started very well for Ray, because he had tried to call Emma and her dad had told her she had gone out for the day. He knew that he would not see her that day anyway, but he just wanted to hear her voice and arrange to see her before he went on tour, and he knew she worked in the week so that made things slightly difficult during the day. Her father had told Ray to call Emma in the evening, but this had not made him feel any better and so he had gone to meet the boys in a pissed off mood. What pissed him off even more was seeing his younger brother’s happy face; there was something about his younger brother that made Ray want to punch him when he was feeling that way, and seeing Dave in a seemingly good mood irked Ray more.
Mick had been in a happy mood that day too because of what he had done with Dave the previous night and again that morning. However, his mood had changed when it was discovered that Robert was not there; you might say that everyone would have been happy about that, but then Grenville broke the news to the boys that Robert would be there, but he would be in the audience with another person.
Mick did not even need to ask Grenville who that ‘other person’ was; the awkward look their favourite manager gave him said it all. It had made Mick not want to do the concert at all, but he knew there was no getting out of it. Perhaps he would not have to see his mother at all. All he would have to do was play the drums as always and think of nothing but the great things he had in his life, such as Dave, his brother Steve and being in the Kinks...yet all day it stayed in the back of his mind and he just wanted a hug from Dave, but because they were so busy, Mick did not get a chance to talk alone with his boyfriend.
Pete had been in a fairly good mood, because unlike his best friend, he had actually managed to get hold of Cathy on the phone that morning. She had told him how she could not wait to see him and not to take too long getting there, but when the bassist had later seen Ray’s depressed face, Pete worried there would be another Davies fight, as often happened when at least one of the brothers was in a bad mood. He had asked Ray what was wrong and Ray had told him it was nothing, just that he had been unable to get hold of Emma that day. Ray had grumbled about how his girlfriend would rather be out with her ‘bloody friend’ than at home where he could call her, and so Pete had not dared to say anything about Cathy to him, instead, not really knowing what to say, he told Ray not to worry and to call her after they had done the concert.
Things had got far worse before they had got better. The boys had got used to going around London in the back of a van that their road manager Stan sometimes drove. They had loaded all their instruments in the back as usual and set off to their destination, Ray not wanting to be anywhere near his brother Dave, and so he and Pete sat in the front with Stan. Mick and Dave not caring about having to sit in the back so long as they were together, did so without complaint.
Things were fine until they got about a mile out when there was a loud hissing sound, the van began jolting about all over the place. They were terrified, thinking they were going to crash, but the van suddenly came to a halt. Completely alarmed, they all got out to see what had caused it. They could not believe that one of the front tires had burst because somehow a large plank of wood with several nails sticking out of it had been left at the side of the road. As a result, Stan had to call for help from a phone box nearby, but they took an hour to come, during which time the concert had already started. Stan had informed the venue they were going to be late and told them to make sure their fans did not panic. After the tire problem had been sorted, which took another half hour; during which time there was almost a Davies fight, because Dave accidentally spilt juice all over Ray’s shirt (it was lucky they had some spare ones, but sadly Ray refused to believe his brother had not done it on purpose), they finally set off again, thinking everything would be fine from then on. However, as they got to the main road, there was a long line of traffic that stretched out as far as the eye could see. Eventually they were horrified to see that the reason for the congestion was because of an horrific car crash. There were two cars, one that was badly smashed up, the other completely burnt out and bodies were being taken away.
It had certainly not been a great day for the Kinks, and now they had finally arrived at the concert venue, the only reason they were allowed to go on at all was because they had been nominated for the award for best new band, plus they had fans who had waited for them all this time and they could not let them down. Cathy was relieved to see that her boyfriend had finally arrived and was sorry she had ever felt annoyed when she heard of the things that had happened.
“You’re here now,” she told Pete after she had kissed him. “That’s all that matters.”
“It’s time to go on guys,” Ray said after deciding that even after the day he had had, he had recovered enough to be able to get onto the stage and perform.
Two minutes later, they listened as Jimmy Savile announced them, “The one and only, the fabulous K.I.N.K.S...the Kinks, let’s hear it for them!”
The boys walked onto the stage and were greeted by a loud, screaming audience, they took their positions and Dave began to play. The band soon forgot the awful things that had happened that day as they got lost in the music:
Girl, you really got me now, you got me so I don’t know what I’m doin’
Yeah, you really got me now, you got me so I can’t sleep at night
Yeah, you really got me now, you got me so I don’t know what I’m doin’
Oh yeah you really got me now, you got me so I can’t sleep at night
You really got me, you really got me, you really got me
Ray knew full well he had written the song quite a while before he had met Emma, but even so, this song, and several others he had written, all made him think of her. Ray had always said that any love song he wrote was about the girl he was going to meet, and he did not care how Dave had laughed at him when he had said, “Well I may have written the song before I met Emma but it’s my song and I say it’s about her!”
He thought of her now as he sang, wishing she was there to hear him:
See, don’t ever set me free; I always wanna be by your side
Girl, you really got me now, you got me so I can’t sleep at night
Yeah, you really got me now, you got me so I don’t know what I’m doin’
Oh yeah you really got me now, you got me so I can’t sleep at night
You really got me, you really got me, you really got me
The boys refused to let anything that had happened that day affect their performance, but they were still in shock about the car crash they had passed on the main road that had delayed them.
Mick in particular had been secretly relieved when he thought they might not make it to the concert after all; the thought of Janice watching him and the fact she thought she had some God-given right to be there made him sick. As far as he was concerned, she was probably not even there to support him at all, though he did believe that she would use him as an excuse to try and get backstage...then again she would not even need to, not being on Robert’s arm. However, the drummer was not going to let thoughts of Janice Williams (he really had no respect for her and so he did not feel she even deserved the title ‘mother’ or ‘mum’) affect his drumming, and smiled whenever he felt the camera was on him; he really was unaware just how beautiful he was.
After the first song finished, Ray quickly said to the audience, “Sorry we’re late, sorry,” then immediately after, he counted in the next song, “one, two, three, four…” Then they began their second song, Tired of waiting.
They had to admit afterwards, it was not their best performance to date, but after the awful things that had happened that day, although they put their best effort in, they were a little out of tune and were stressed, so they were glad there were only two songs to do. Yet the audience still seemed to love them, even if it was only for their looks.
Later, they were not surprised to learn that they had not won best new group; that award went to the Seekers. However all was not lost, because they were the runners up instead and each member received a tiny silver cup, which was the runner up prize.
“Never mind boys,” Grenville consoled them in their dressing room. “It wasn’t a very good day for any of you; Stan told me what happened, just one of those things, and the runner up prize really isn’t so bad; you’ve still achieved something today.”
“I actually quite like the runner up prize better than the winning prize,” Pete said, looking at his cute little silver cup and pulling Cathy onto his knee. “It’s so much lighter, easier to carry about.”
“Why would you want to carry it about?” Ray said grumpily, still pissed off about the day they had had and that his own girlfriend was not there with him as Cathy was with Pete.
“Oh for goodness sake,” Grenville said as he got up to leave the room. “Go to the payphone and try to get hold of Emma, ‘cos I know that’s the main reason you’ve been a misery guts all day.”
“You know what, great idea,” Ray agreed. “Especially so I don’t have to look at those two practically having sex right in front of me!” Ray hissed the last few words.
“RAY!” Cathy said, appalled by the lead singer’s rudeness and attitude in general.
“That’s bloody disgusting!” Pete said to his best friend in disbelief. “I hope you don’t get like that in front of Emma.”
“No, I’m happy when I’m with Emma,” Ray admitted. “That’s why I really want to see her and soon.”
“We’ll find him Emma, don’t worry,” Sarah reassured her friend as they hid from where a security guard was looking around for them.
“I don’t really like this; it might be illegal,” Emma fretted and still could not believe she was actually doing this or that she had even let Sarah talk her into such a thing.
After the concert was over, and Emma had proudly watched with tears in her eyes as her boyfriend and his band received the runner up prize for best new band, she had wanted to see Ray so much and was now cursing herself for not telling him that she would be here today. She had wanted to surprise him but had realised later that she may not even get to see him, after all, she had come as just a regular person and not a VIP, and so had not thought through any plan to how she would get to Ray to let him know she was there.
They had not been in front row seats this time and it was a very large venue, so there was no way Ray would have been able to see her where she was. Now her and Sarah were hiding after managing to get past the security guard, the same one who had stopped them going backstage and who had not believed her when she had told him that she was Ray Davies’ girlfriend, “Oh sure, they all say that,” the man had scoffed, then he had told them both to clear off.
That was when Sarah had decided to try an underhand tactic, tricking the man into looking the other way by saying, “Oh my gosh...what’s happening over there?”
Her plan had worked because the guard looked to where Sarah had pointed, and Sarah used this opportunity to grab Emma by the hand and pull her through the gates, and they both ran as fast as they could, hearing the same security guard shout, “HEY!”
Emma had absolutely no idea where Sarah thought she was taking her, but she sure hoped they were going the right way and that it would eventually lead them to Ray.
Dave was in what felt like seventh heaven as he felt his band mate’s lips pressed against his own, their tongues gently brushing and Mick’s beautiful hands squeezing his bum. He could feel Mick’s erection against his own hard-on, and the whole thing was driving him insane...of course in a good way. The two had decided to be a little more daring and adventurous and had shut themselves up in a small storage room, keen to forget all that was worrying them, namely Robert, who Mick was sure at any moment was going to bring Janice in to try and get him to talk to her.
Mick pulled away from the kiss for a moment and tried to look at Dave, but the younger man begged him, “Oh please Mick...please don’t stop now.”
“Dave I’ve wanted to get you alone all day,” the drummer sighed. “I’ve really not enjoyed anything of this day at all...mmm,” Mick was unable to say any more as Dave pressed his lips against him once more, so in the end Mick just went with it; what was there to talk about any way when he was with the man he loved? They were away from everyone else, everyone who was causing them grief for whatever reason.
Then when Dave undid Mick’s flies, that was it for the drummer; they were not going to talk about anything until they had finished what they had come here to do.
Notes:
The next chapter will also include the Small Faces, who became famous in 1965. You will find out why Jimmy Winston really left the band ; ) No only kidding it's just fiction...sadly for me : (
Chapter 26
Summary:
Mick tries his best to avoid his estranged mother, but Robert is determined to make Janice happy, even if it means using a few bullying tactics. Also, Mick meets Peter Noone for the first time since they broke up, who gives him some surprising news.
Notes:
WARNING: SOME SERIOUS GAY SMUT IN THIS CHAPTER, IF YOU ARE LIKELY TO BE OFFENDED, DON'T READ, THERE ARE ALSO MENTIONS OF SEXUAL ABUSE AND CHILD RAPE...AGAIN, DON'T READ IF YOU ARE UNDERAGE OR FIND THIS SUBJECT DISTRESSING!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Love me til the sun shines
Chapter 26
Mick knew he and Dave were at risk of getting caught at any moment, but what the younger man was doing to him felt so good, he did not want it to stop. Dave was jerking him off and kissing his neck, giving the drummer such feelings of intense passion that he could not think straight. Mick was hard and seeing stars, and he had his back against the door in the hope that no-one could get in.
If the pleasure of Dave’s hand around his cock going up and down his shaft did not feel so damn amazing, Mick would have worried about someone from outside hearing his moaning. Yet as it was, he did not care because he was caught up in the moment and no-one was going to take that away. He was with the one person he wanted to be with, as well as hiding from Robert who had, as expected, brought Mick’s biological mother backstage to see him.
Mick was sure that Janice had told anyone who would listen that she had come to see her son who played the drums for the Kinks, when her real reason for coming backstage was probably to flirt about and mingle with some of the stars. She probably just wanted a claim to fame and nothing else. That was why, when he had seen Robert coming along with Janice, he had quickly grabbed Dave’s hand and pulled him in the other direction to hide. Now they were together the way they wanted to be, and although Mick would rather they were at home in their flat, Mick felt relieved he had managed to get one over on his so called mother; he would be happy to stay there until she had gone away, even if it meant staying in the cupboard with Dave until it was time to leave.
All thoughts of Janice and Robert soon dissolved from Mick’s mind as he felt something warm and wet around his cock; it was Dave’s mouth. Mick enjoyed the warm, moist and silky feeling of his lover’s tongue and Dave’s equally warm hands around his waist and stroking his bare stomach. Mick leaned his head back, closed his eyes and stroked Dave’s long hair, feeling its softness. Whenever they were alone together, it felt like they were the only two people left in the world.
Still down in the dumps and in a horrible mood, Ray grumpily made his way out of the back door of the building so he could smoke a cigarette in peace. He had had enough of seeing Pete loved up with Cathy, and he just wished that Emma was there with him now. There were a few people hanging around and talking together in the corridors, and some of them were becoming just as well known as himself, but Ray was not in the mood to talk to any of them; he just wanted to be alone and feel sorry for himself in peace.
Ray was just about to light up when he heard an excited female voice say, “Hey look Emma, there’s Ray!”
At the mention of his name, and more importantly, the name ‘Emma’, Ray turned to see who had spoken. His heart skipped a beat and he felt elated when he saw his lovely girlfriend along with her best friend coming towards him...but what was she doing there? Was he hallucinating? Emma ran towards Ray and threw her arms around him, Ray inhaled the heavenly scent of the perfume she always wore; he knew immediately that this was real, but how?
“Emma,” Ray said as he pulled away from the hug and looked into her lovely eyes. “What are you doing here?”
“Just thought I’d surprise you,” she replied before kissing him deeply.
Ray wrapped his arms around her again and became lost in the kiss; this was the happiest he had been all day but he still could not believe she was there. How on Earth could the two girls possibly have got past security?
The two were interrupted by a coughing sound; Sarah was standing beside them, understandably feeling like a spare part right now.
“Sorry Sarah,” Emma giggled. “Forgot you were there for a minute.”
“Exactly how did you two manage to get past security?” Ray asked. “And...not that I’m complaining but...what are you even doing here at all?”
“Well I’ve had tickets for this concert for ages,” Sarah said, blushing and looking quite overwhelmed that she was actually standing in front of Ray Davies, and that her best friend was even dating him. “I had two and because my boyfriend couldn’t come I thought I’d bring Emma instead because...well I thought she’d like it.”
“Oh Emma,” Ray sighed. “Why didn’t you tell me you were coming? I could probably have got you both backstage passes.”
“I wanted to surprise you,” Emma told him. “But perhaps you’re right, I think it might have been better to tell you because then we wouldn’t have had to trick the security guard and then hide from him because he was looking for us...but obviously I didn’t think about that did I? Silly me.”
“And also I wouldn’t have been so down in the dumps all day because when I called you this morning, your dad said you’d gone out for the day.” Ray groaned.
“You’ve cheered up now though,” Sarah pointed out with a cheeky smile.
“I’m sorry, you haven’t met my friend Sarah,” Emma said to Ray, referring to the slim, dark haired woman who had come along with her.
“Nice to meet you Sarah,” Ray smiled at the other woman and shook her hand.
“I was there that night you came up to talk to Emma,” Sarah laughed. “I was with my boyfriend; we couldn’t believe what was happening, and I can’t believe we’re here now.”
“I think Sarah’s the one to thank for us being here right now,” Emma said as she cuddled up to Ray and looked into his eyes. “She’s actually the one you should thank that you and I actually met at all.”
“Yeah that’s because me and Bobby dragged her off to your concert,” Sarah winked mischievously.
“Really?” Ray said, intrigued. “Well I’m very glad you did.”
“Me too,” Emma said, looking into her boyfriend’s eyes. “So I hope you don’t have to go anywhere and leave me now.”
“What, after wanting to see you all day?” Ray asked. “There’s no way I’m letting you go now...fuck I don’t know how I’m going to survive all those weeks without you when I go on tour.”
“As long as you still want me when you come back,” Emma said. “I’m happy to wait for you.”
“Course I’ll still want you,” Ray promised. “Just don’t want you having second thoughts about me while I’m gone.”
“Never!” Emma said, kissing him.
“So where are the others?” Sarah asked, feeling awkward seeing Emma and Ray together and that she was just in the way. “Can we go and meet them?”
“Sure you can,” Ray replied. “Pete and Cathy are inside with Grenville, no idea where Mick and my brother are though.”
“You mean Cathy McGowan?” Sarah said excitedly.
“Yeah that’s the one,” Ray smiled. “She’s Pete’s girlfriend.”
“Who’s Grenville?” Emma asked with a puzzled expression.
“Our manager,” Ray said. “Well...one of them.”
“Yeah you haven’t told me much about them yet,” Emma said. “But I’m sure they’re lovely.”
“Hmm...that’s debatable,” Ray muttered. “Well...we like Grenville; he’s a decent guy, and we quite like our road manager Stan, but Robert...he can be all right but...well...we can have a few...he can be...oh I don’t really want to say anything bad about him...he’s okay.”
“You don’t sound too convinced,” Sarah said curiously. “What’s wrong with Robert then?”
“Well...nothing really,” Ray shrugged, not wanting to speak negatively about anyone when he was far too happy. “Come on, come and meet the others.”
Just as the two girls were following Ray back inside, an angry male voice suddenly shouted, “OI STOP YOU TWO!”
“Oh no it’s that security guard,” Sarah groaned.
“He didn’t believe me when I said I was your girlfriend,” Emma told Ray, looking worried.
Ray rolled his eyes at the two of them for their silliness, “Well of course he wouldn’t would he?” Ray sighed and said, “Don’t worry, stay here and I’ll go and talk to him.”
“Ray I’m so sorry,” the tall, dark haired man said as he approached the Kinks’ lead singer looking very stressed. “I tried to stop these girls but they tricked me and before I knew what was happening...please don’t be mad…”
“It’s okay don’t worry,” Ray reassured the man that he would not be in trouble. “I know you’re only trying to do your job and these two were very naughty,” Ray laughed and the security guard looked very confused. “Emma’s my girlfriend, but she didn’t tell me she was coming today but she should have done.”
“Really?” the man said, looking relieved. “Yeah that’s what she said but I didn’t believe her.”
“No you wouldn’t, I understand,” Ray said kindly. “It won’t happen again,” Ray took out his wallet and handed the security guard a wad of notes. “Here, take this to make up for it.”
The security guard’s eyes widened in shock at being given such a large tip, “Don’t be daft, I can’t take…”
“No, no I insist,” Ray told him, placing the money in the man’s pocket.
“All right,” the man said, blushing and smiling awkwardly. “Thank you very much.”
“Look Janice, it’s okay love,” Robert sighed. “I’m sure Mick’s gonna turn up at any minute.”
“He wasn’t exactly over the moon to see me the last time we bumped into each other,” Janice groaned as the two entered the Kinks’ dressing room. “If you hadn’t insisted on fucking me in the…”
“Shh!” Robert silenced his girlfriend from embarrassing him in front of Pete, Cathy and Grenville who were sitting around a table talking. “Hi guys,” Robert said cheerfully as he shut the door.
“Umm...all right there Janice,” Grenville said awkwardly. “Good to see you again.”
“And you too Gren,” Janice smiled in a flirty way at her boyfriend’s co manager. “And who do we have here?”
“Umm, this is Pete, the bass player,” Robert replied before Grenville could say anything. “And you might recognise Cathy from Ready Steady Go; she’s Pete’s girlfriend.”
“I do indeed,” Janice smiled at her. “I watch Ready Steady Go quite a lot, especially when the Kinks are on so I can see my boy.”
“You mean Mick?” Pete asked, feeling quite surprised at how nice she seemed after he remembered Mick telling them that he had not spoken to his mother in years. He had also heard from Ray about what had happened that night on Dave’s birthday and so although he always liked to give people the benefit of the doubt, he could not help but feel wary of this woman.
“Of course,” Janice said. “I really want to see him today before he goes away on tour; we need to catch up.”
“And you will love,” Robert reassured her. “I’ll make sure of that!”
“Umm...shall I go and find Mick or something?” Grenville suggested, not really wanting to cause trouble, he just wanted to leave the room for a minute because he really did not think that Mick wanted to see his mother, and he felt he ought to warn the drummer that Janice was there, and if things went wrong, he also felt he did not want to be in the room.
“That would be kind of you, thank you,” Janice smiled appreciatively.
There was no way Grenville wanted to be involved in whatever problems Mick had with his mother; it was clear that the two were not on good terms.
Although Grenville knew that life was too short to hold grudges against anyone, he did not exactly know the situation of why Mick ran away from home all those years ago, but he was sure Mick must have had his reasons.
Grenville had quite liked Janice when he first met her, and had felt sorry for her when he had heard that her grown up son Michael was not talking to her and had broke off all contact with her, but at the time, he had no idea that Mick was her son. None of them did, not even Robert, and now things were getting a little too complicated for his liking.
Grenville sighed as he did his best to get past the crowds of people who were gathered around backstage, having photos taken, signing autographs and even being interviewed for the newspapers. He would have taken an interest in some of them under normal circumstances, and he even recognised some of them, but now was not a good time to mingle; all Grenville wanted to do was find Mick and warn him that his mother was there and wanted to see him, then he would leave it up to Mick to decide what to do next.
There was no hope of Mick being found that afternoon however; he and Dave stayed where they were for the rest of the afternoon.
Dave had had his mouth around Mick’s hard cock for well over fifteen minutes now, and he had not tired of it yet. He had often wondered how his last ever girlfriend was able to do that to him. Before he had met Mick, the very thought of having genitalia in his own mouth made him feel physically sick; it had just seemed revolting and unnatural and although he never complained and was always happy to have a girl do that to him, he had always point blank refused to give oral sex in return. Yet meeting Mick had sparked feelings in him that made him so badly want to do things he had never dreamed of doing...why he wanted to do these things to Mick, he did not know; it scared him and excited him all at the same time.
Dave brought Mick’s penis to the back of his throat, intending to do to his lover what his ex girlfriend used to do that felt so good; he hoped that Mick found it as amazing as he used to. He relaxed his throat muscles and just allowed Mick’s erection to slide down as far as it would go...which was not very far because he had never done this before and it almost made him choke, but he wanted to test Mick’s reaction; he was not disappointed, “Oh...my word what are you doing?” Mick gasped, and Dave could tell from the drummer’s voice that he was loving it. He choked a little, but was determined not to let such a small thing stop him. He pulled back so that Mick’s penis slid from his mouth, quickly grabbing the tip gently between his teeth and taking hold of it with his hand so that he could kiss it, which Dave liked doing, in fact he loved kissing Mick all over.
“What...did you just do?” Mick asked, his voice sounding shaky and overwhelmed with unbelievable pleasure.
“I deep throated you,” Dave replied before placing Mick’s cock back into his mouth.
“You did what?” Mick asked, panting, sweat dripping from his face, making him look, in Dave’s eyes, even sexier.
“I made your dick go down my throat,” Dave explained with a satisfied grin. “Though I didn’t make it go quite as far down as I wanted it to...but I intend to in time.”
“It was really good,” Mick panted, looking lovingly at his boyfriend, who was on his knees, looking up at him, pupils dilated. “I love you Dave, so much.”
“I love you too,” Dave said, then drew his attentions back to Mick’s hard on. “I’m not finished yet; I’m going to make you come in my mouth.”
“What...why...why would you want to do that?” Mick asked him in alarm, a sudden memory coming back to him of his stepfather forcing him to perform oral sex, a memory he would rather forget but would always stay with him.
Dave was too busy sucking Mick off to really reply to that, but he briefly freed his mouth to answer, “Because you taste so fucking great!” Then went back to what he was doing.
Mick then thought of where he was here and now, and even though his past would always haunt him, it could no longer harm him. He had Dave now, and Dave loved him and would never do anything with him that he was uncomfortable with.
What Dave was doing to him now felt so unbelievably amazing and out of this world that he told himself he should relax and enjoy it. He never knew sex could be so amazing. Dave’s tongue brushing against the tip of his erection sent an extremely pleasant, tingling, electrical sensation that he could not explain. All he could do was pant, gasp and moan, unable to talk as Dave completely blew him out, although he did, on occasion, manage to murmur little things such as, “Oh yeah...oh yeah don’t stop!”
Of course, Dave had no intention of stopping anytime soon, not until he could taste Mick’s spunk in his mouth and had swallowed every drop. He moved his mouth up and down Mick’s shaft, enjoying the taste and enjoying the sounds of pleasure coming from his lover’s mouth. As Dave continued blowing Mick out, the guitarist took hold of his lover’s scrotum, caressing, stroking and playing with his balls, feeling their softness and warmth.
After a few minutes of sucking the drummer off and feeling his sack, Dave decided to be a little more adventurous and slid his index finger and middle finger a little further back, wanting to feel Mick’s arse hole. He hoped that Mick would not mind, but since they had first started having sex, Dave had often wondered what it would be like to touch that intimate part of Mick and taste it just a little with the tip of his tongue...but because of what Mick had told him about his past, Dave had been afraid to ask him. So Dave had, for the time being, allowed Mick to be in charge, to top him...but Dave wanted more...so much more and he hoped that in time, the drummer would submit to him sometimes, but now, Dave wanted to try his luck and do something different.
He felt his way in between Mick’s legs, all the while, Mick’s penis still in his mouth, the drummer moaning and panting, obviously enjoying the whole experience. Then to Dave’s pleasant surprise, Mick parted his legs ever so slightly to give Dave better access to where he wanted his finger to be...perfect.
Dave would have smiled to himself if he did not have his mouth full of cock. The guitarist slowly pushed his finger between Mick’s bum cheeks, slowly feeling for his rectum...he felt something...yes that was it. Mick’s hole did not feel particularly tight, but not completely prepared to be fucked either...it just felt sort of soft, dry...rather nice to the touch. Dave did not want to be too rough with Mick; after all, the drummer had been raped several years back, and so knew he must not cause the man he loved any more distress.
Dave wanted nothing more than to pleasure Mick and make him happy, so he was very gentle, massaging gently around Mick’s hole with his middle finger. Mick sounding...not exactly scared...just a little nervous, but seemed to be enjoying it too, or at least as yet, he had not asked Dave to stop, and so Dave could only assume that his lover was liking this. Dave wished he had brought with him the KY jelly that Mick had given him for his birthday, as that would have been quite useful and it had certainly been more than helpful when Mick had broken him in for the first time when he had turned eighteen. Because they did not have it right there and then, Dave just ever so gently eased his way in, not intending to go in too deep, just to feel around in there just a little bit; there would be plenty of chances to ‘examine’ that part of Mick at home.
As Dave was massaging gently inside Mick, the slight moisture wetting his finger sufficiently, he felt Mick’s cock leaking something warm and wet inside his mouth and he also felt Mick tense up...not in a bad way, but his whole body became prostrate and stiff, and a sound of extreme pleasure escaped the drummer’s lips, “Dave that’s so good!” He gasped.
Dave swallowed what had leaked onto his tongue, and sucked harder, his finger still slightly inside of Mick, he gripped the whole hand tightly around Mick’s buttocks, making sure his middle finger stayed inside his hole, then he placed his other arm around Mick’s waist and moved his mouth faster up and down Mick’s shaft.
Mick grabbed the door from behind, hoping to God that no-one outside walking past would notice any sounds or see the door rattling in any way because of what they were doing on this side of it.
Mick had been nervous when Dave had decided to be more adventurous, but now the feeling of the younger man’s finger inside of him, touching his prostate slightly was so overwhelming and excruciatingly good that the worry of getting caught immediately left Mick’s mind. He knew he was probably making more noise than he should, and that people may hear them, but that did not seem to register with him as he reached his climax and came inside Dave’s mouth before he could stop himself.
“Oh...my life,” Mick panted as Dave still kept his mouth around his penis, as if he had no intention of ever letting it go. “D...Dave that was...I’m sorry I…”
Dave would have asked Mick what he was sorry for, if it were not for the fact his mouth was full of spunk and he was tasting it before swallowing every last drop, because to Dave, that was ‘magic stuff’ not to be wasted, not ever.
Mick sank to the ground, feeling quite exhausted, though he did not quite know why because it had been his boyfriend who had done all the hard work. Mick pulled Dave into a hug and they both just sat on the cold concrete floor together, not wanting to leave the place any time soon, not because they liked dark rooms but the fact that it hid them from the world and no-one knew where they were or would even have been able to guess that they were shut up in here together.
“That thing you did with your finger,” Mick said after a couple of minutes. “Is that something you’ve done before...I mean...with whoever you were with before you met me? Where did you learn it?”
“I didn’t,” Dave murmured. “I just wanted to touch you there that’s all, and no, I’ve never touched any of my girlfriends like that.”
“Good,” Mick whispered, giving Dave a gentle kiss on the side of his head. “That goes to show just how special I must be to you.”
“You’re the most special person to ever come into my life Mick,” Dave said, stroking the drummer’s soft, dark hair. “I love you more than anyone else I’ve ever known; you make me feel all funny inside and no-one else ever has.”
“I’m so happy you feel that way,” Mick told him gently. “If you really do mean it.”
“I do,” Dave whispered, then looked down, noticing that his lover was still undressed from the waist down...or at least, his trousers and underwear were halfway down his legs.
“You must be cold,” Dave pointed out, grinning and stroking Mick’s leg.
“The floor’s a bit cold,” Mick chuckled. “But I don’t care; I want to stay in here with you, away from people.”
“I’m sure we’ll do better than this tiny cupboard,” Dave said, rubbing his nose against Mick’s. “But as long as I’m with you, I don’t care where we spend time together.”
“I wish we didn’t have to hide from people,” Mick sighed, looking sad. “Would be wonderful if one day we could be open about our love.”
“As if that would ever happen,” Dave scoffed. “Fuck...I doubt it’s ever going to be legal...and besides, don’t you think all this sneaking around makes it all the more fun...more...romantic?”
Mick looked away from Dave sadly, “Not always no,” he sighed again. “Dave...have you ever thought what we’d do if...well if it ever became legal to be...well...like we are?”
“Umm...no I haven’t,” Dave said thoughtfully. “As I said, sneaking around makes it all the more romantic.” Dave grinned mischievously as he said these words, but Mick seemed unsure of whether or not he agreed with his lover.
“In...some ways...yes,” the drummer answered after thinking a few seconds. “You know that...I would never leave you Dave...but...sometimes I would give anything to have all this out in the open.”
“Me too,” Dave sighed. “But you know we can’t...not at this point in time anyway...it’s too...risky...but you know the good thing about this is we’re always going to be together; that’s the most important thing.”
“Yeah,” Mick agreed. “I mean, look at Ray and Pete, they have to leave their girlfriends behind when we’re away on tour.”
“Exactly,” Dave said. “You and I will be together the whole time...and whenever we get the chance, we can sneak off together...oh and we’ve got to make sure we always share a room.”
“Well I don’t think that will be too much of a problem,” Mick chuckled. “Ray will naturally want to share with Pete...certainly not with you because…”
“Yeah I know,” Dave laughed. “We’d kill each other.”
“Exactly,” Mick agreed. “I certainly don’t want you killed by your brother, not after it’s taken so many years for me to find you.”
They then gazed into each other’s eyes for a minute or two, each one taking in the colour of the other and each thinking just how amazing the other was, they were just about to slowly move in for a passionate kiss when they heard voices from the other side of the door.
“Have you seen Mick and Dave?” The first voice said, which they instantly recognised as Grenville. “They’ve just disappeared off the face of the Earth and I especially need to find Mick.”
“No, sorry haven’t seen them at all since they came off the stage,” The second man said; this was Stan.
Mick and Dave both looked at each other, and could not help but smile, then they heard their road manager add, “Why do you especially need to find Mick?”
“Because I need to warn him that his mother’s here and isn’t planning on leaving until she’s spoken to him,” Grenville said in what sounded like a tone of exasperation.
“Oh great!” Mick whispered to Dave, but it was a very loud and frustrated whisper. “That’s all I need.”
“His mother?” They heard Stan say.
“It’s complicated,” Grenville replied. “I don’t really like to say an awful lot because it’s Mick’s business and it’s not my story to tell...God I just wish I didn’t have to be involved in this; that’s not what band managers are supposed to do...but anyway the long and short of it is, Mick’s not spoken to his mother since he was about thirteen, and now she’s back on the scene and the reason for that is...well she’s dating Robert.”
“Well holy crap,” Stan said in reply. “I haven’t seen Mick at all, not for a few hours but if I do see him I’ll tell him you’re looking for him. I just need to get into this little room ‘ere so I can get everything loaded back into the van; got to get the boys back home soon.”
“Shit!” Dave whispered in horror. “He’s coming in.”
“Let’s sit against the door,” Mick suggested. “Hopefully he’ll think it’s locked.”
The two Kinks did as Mick suggested and sat in front of the door, they waited for Stan to try and open it like he said he was going to do; it took a little longer because the roadie was still talking to Grenville about Mick.
They heard, “Yeah tell me about it, it’s a fine kettle of fish this is, Mick’s mother going out with Robert...I mean if they get married...wouldn’t that make Robert Mick’s…”
“Don’t say it,” Grenville interrupted. “One step at a time Stan please; it’s complicated enough without all that...but I can’t deny it...well I mean...I suppose that might be a possibility.”
“Over my dead body,” Mick whispered to Dave. “I don’t want anything to do with her, so why would I even think of Robert as my step dad?”
Dave could do nothing but nod in agreement, although secretly, he could not help but wonder if Mick ought to agree to see his mother, just to hear her out. Although Dave would never dare to vocalise that opinion to the drummer, after all, he was not the one who had been neglected as a small boy and raped as a teenager, he could not help but feel that Mick could not avoid her forever. Even if Mick wanted to break off all contact after that, maybe he should see her just the once, for closure if nothing else...but still, Dave was always going to respect and support any decision his boyfriend made, after all, Mick’s feelings mattered to Dave above anyone else’s.
Suddenly they heard the handle of the door rattle; Stan was trying to get in from the other side, but because they were sitting in front of it, he could not get it to open, “This door’s stuck!” They heard Stan say in a loud, frustrated voice. “How can it be locked?”
The lovers looked at each other, hoping that Stan and Grenville would go away and find someone to see to the door, just so it would give Mick enough time to zip up his trousers and the both of them to get the hell out of here. However, it was clear that Stan was not going to go away, he was pushing at the door with all his strength; he knew the door was not locked.
“There must be something blocking this door,” they heard Stan growl. “Don’t they put anything away correctly? I think something heavy must have fallen and it’s barricading the door!”
“D’ya want a hand?” Grenville offered.
“Yeah that’d be great Gren!” Stan said gratefully.
“Oh no!” Mick and Dave both mouthed to one another.
It was not so bad when it was just Stan trying to get in, because there were two of them sitting in front of the door which gave them extra strength, but Grenville was slightly larger built and that would give him and Stan more strength to get the door open. What made it worse of course was the fact Mick was unable to pull up his trousers because he had to focus on keeping the door shut; right now they were really struggling. They did not have much time to think what to do and they could hear the roadie cursing and shouting, “WHAT THE FUCK IS JAMMING THIS DOOR?”
“Oh come on Stan,” Grenville panted, sounding out of breath. “The door’s definitely not locked but...isn’t there another way in?”
“Oh yeah course,” Stan said. “There’s a small passageway that leads from the stage into that room.”
“Come on then that door can’t be jammed as well,” Grenville replied. “And hopefully I’ll see Mick on the way there.”
“Oh no they won’t,” Mick whispered to Dave. “Come on, let’s get out of here.”
The two got up when they were sure the two managers were gone and Mick quickly pulled up his trousers.
“Just check to make sure the coast is clear,” Mick said as he tucked in his shirt.
Dave slowly opened the door as Mick looked at the other side of the tiny room and noticed the other door they did not realise was there before; they had been too busy touching and kissing among other things.
“Come on Mick,” Dave whispered. “They’ve gone, quick before they come back.”
The two quickly sneaked out and made their way out to where other stars who had performed at the Poll winners show were mingling together.
“I can’t see Janice,” Mick said, relieved. “Maybe we should talk to some of these people; it might be fun.”
“Who can we see that we know?” Dave wondered, looking around. “The Beatles were playing today weren’t they?”
“Yes I believe they were,” Mick said, looking round in the hope he might see one of them. “But we were late weren’t we so we missed their performance and a lot of the others...no, all of the others”
“Do we really want to be here?” Dave asked, wondering who looked friendly enough to go and talk to. “I’m not sure we know anyone...well...not as friends anyway.”
“That’s why we have to mix with other bands,” Mick told him. “That’s generally how you make new friends Dave.”
“I know,” Dave said, gloomily. “But what if we don’t like anyone?”
“Only one way to find out,” Mick shrugged, looking as uncertain as Dave was feeling. “Come on let’s…”
“Hello Mick,” a familiar voice said.
Mick looked behind him, and to his surprise, Peter Noone was standing beside him, “Peter,” Mick said in shock. “Hi...umm...it’s nice to see you again...you’re...you’re looking well.”
“I wish I could say the same thing to you,” Peter smiled mischievously. “What have you been up to?”
“W...what do you…” Mick began, then he caught sight of himself in a mirror; his hair was a complete mess and he knew why. It was through getting up to no good with Dave in a storage cupboard and then almost being caught...then again, Dave looked just as bad, but Peter did not know him and so the blond’s attention was solely on Mick.
“It’s okay,” Peter laughed. “I won’t ask any more questions because I know the answer already.”
“About what?” Dave suddenly asked Peter, feeling annoyed at being ignored. “How can you know what we’ve...I mean what Mick’s been up to?”
“Ah...it’s like that is it?” Peter grinned at the two of them.
“Umm...like what?” Mick asked, though really he knew what his former boyfriend-who had not been such for very long at all-was getting at, so he decided to change the subject. “How have you been?” Mick asked him.
Peter shrugged, “Oh...you know...busy,” he answered. “Me and the boys have been in America...well you already knew about that didn’t you?”
“How was it?” Mick asked.
“It was pretty good,” Peter replied, though from the look in his face, Mick was not sure if the Mancunian was telling the truth.
“I might just go and find my brother,” Dave said, unable to hide the pissed off look on his face. “Mick I’ll see you later.”
Mick could not help but stare after Dave and feel annoyed at his attitude; it had not been the first time the guitarist had behaved like this when he had seen Mick talk to someone other than himself.
“You okay?” Peter asked him. “I mean...really?”
Mick looked at Peter, smiled and replied, “I have a few things going on at the moment...but yeah...I think I’m okay.”
“I hope so,” Peter said, looking concerned. “I just...I just want you to be happy Mick...because I’ve sort of...well...met someone else.”
Mick could not help but cheer up a little hearing this; he had thought about Peter many times since he had secretly got together with Dave, and he had prayed every day that the young blond was not heartbroken over him, “Really?” Mick said, beaming. “Well...that’s great...umm...when did this happen?”
“Only today,” Peter answered.
“Today?” Mick said, confused.
“Yeah...I mean, I was waiting to go on stage and thinking about you as I had done since you broke up with me,” Peter explained, making Mick feel awful that things had not been good for his friend. “I was feeling miserable as sin in fact and wondering where my life was going and when this pain of losing you was going to stop...then all of a sudden...there she was.”
Mick was taken aback at the word ‘she’ and even though Peter’s life was not really his business and he had Dave to make him happy now, “Wait...what... she?”
“Yeah,” Peter said awkwardly. “I er...like women too you know.”
It never occurred to Mick that a person could be attracted to both sexes; he had always assumed that you could only be into one or the other. Mick could not help but shake his head at this, “How...how is that possible?” He asked his friend.
“I really don’t know,” Peter shrugged. “All I know is, that’s the way it’s been for me for as long as I can remember, but until I met you, I’ve...well I’ve always thought I was the only one, and I always stuck with girls before you because...well I’ve never found a guy that I liked nearly as much as you, or anywhere near as nice. Look Mick, I assure you that I came to do this concert today with a heart ever as faithful to you as it had ever been since I met you, but I was also really depressed about it and longed for the pain of losing you to go away, and as soon as Twinkle came up to talk to me...well that was it.”
“Twinkle?” Mick said in surprise. “You...you don’t mean the singer?”
“Yep,” Peter said with a happy smile. “Look she’s over there.”
Mick looked to where his friend pointed, and he instantly recognised the pretty blonde girl who had only just, like the Kinks, recently shot to fame. She was talking with a group of people; she turned to look in their direction and smiled when she saw Peter, who waved to her and she waved back, then she recognised the drummer, “MICK AVORY?! IS THAT YOU?!” She exclaimed excitedly.
Mick blushed; he had never had someone shout his name like that before and it was overwhelming, “Umm...yeah,” he nodded shyly, in almost a whisper.
“Mick, are you happy?” Peter asked him.
Mick looked at the blond in a ‘what do you mean’ way.
“I mean...with Dave?” The singer added.
“What are you talking about?” Mick asked, wondering how on Earth Peter could possibly know about him and Dave.
“Come on Mick,” Peter said. “I wasn’t born yesterday; when we first met...I...I noticed the way Dave looked at you, and today it was the same, and the way you look at him but…”
“All right...yes,” Mick admitted in a whisper, just to satisfy Peter’s curiosity. “Yes me and Dave...we are…” Mick nodded his head to finish the sentence.
“I knew it,” Peter said, shaking his head.
“You’re not going to say anything to anyone are you?” Mick begged him. “Please Peter...please...I...I love him and…”
“Of course I won’t,” Peter promised. “It stays with me and I won’t tell a soul, not even Lynn if me and her get serious.”
“Lynn?” Mick asked, confused.
“It’s Twinkle’s real name,” Peter told him. “Oh hiya,” he said as Twinkle approached them.”
“Hello,” she said, all of a sudden looking shy, then she looked at the drummer, “Hello Mick,” she smiled. “Sorry to have embarrassed you like that; I was just so excited.”
“Oh that’s okay,” Mick smiled, still blushing.
“I heard you and your band were late today,” Twinkle pointed out.
“Yeah we were,” Mick said. “But we got here in the end; we got stuck in traffic because of this horrible car crash, and I mean...really horrible.”
“Oh dear,” Twinkle said sympathetically. “Poor people.”
“It wasn’t very nice,” Mick said gloomily, “but we’re all okay and I said a prayer for the people and their families.”
“Good idea,” Twinkle said approvingly. “Anyway I just wanted to say, I think you and the boys performed very well today.”
“Thank you,” Mick said, feeling quite sure she did not really mean it, but that was only because neither himself or any of the other Kinks felt they did very well that day, and hoped to God they upped their game when they did their tour in the near future.
“I actually love your music,” she added.
“Well I must make sure that Ray and Dave know that,” Mick said, cheering up a little. “Well actually, Ray writes most of the songs.”
“Indeed I do,” a voice next to them said. They turned to see that Ray, Dave, Pete, Cathy and two young women that Mick did not know had come out to join them.
Twinkle looked as though she was about to faint when she saw the rest of the Kinks together, “Oh...gosh I can’t believe it,” she gasped. “Ray...I can’t believe it’s you...I’m such a huge fan of your music!”
“Really?” Ray said, gobsmacked. “Thank you...and you’re Twinkle right?”
“I am,” she said, still unable to calm down; she was shaking too and could not seem to control the giddiness in her voice.
“Well it’s nice to meet you,” Ray held out his hand and she shook it. “I’m afraid we missed your performance; we arrived really late and…”
“Yes I know,” Twinkle said with the same shaky, giddy voice she could not get rid of. “I heard all about the awful car accident...poor people.”
“It was horrible to see,” Ray said, putting his arm around Emma and pulling her into a hug. “That’s why we didn’t perform very well and I was feeling really down this afternoon, until this one decided to make an appearance, then I cheered up a lot.” By ‘this one’ he of course meant Emma, who Mick suddenly remembered was the girl Ray had seen in the audience at their last concert and had fallen in love with her.
“Hello,” Emma said shyly to Twinkle. “I really liked the song you did...about the guy who was killed on a motorbike.”
“Thank you love,” Twinkle said. “And your name is…”
“Emma, I’m Ray’s girlfriend,” Emma said proudly.
“They haven’t been together long,” Pete pointed out with a grin.
“That’s right we met at the Wimbledon Palais a few weeks ago,” Ray said, smiling like a love sick teenager.
“That’s right, I heard about that,” Twinkle said. “It was in the papers you know, about you going off stage to talk to a girl you liked.”
“And here she is,” Ray said proudly. “She’s lovely isn’t she?”
“Oh stop making me blush,” Emma laughed and gave her boyfriend a playful smack.
Mick soon forgot that he had been hiding from his mother as the whole group got talking and he was introduced to Emma and found that she was really nice. He was certainly happy for Ray that he had met her and hoped that their relationship would work out because they seemed so well suited. He also had a word with Dave and made it clear to him that nothing was going to happen between himself and Peter Noone, and that Dave needed to learn to trust him, which Dave reassured him that he did but he was so jealous over him all the time.
Also that afternoon, Mick and his band mates managed to talk to a few of the other stars that had performed that day, and found that most of them were such nice and down to Earth people. He met all four members of the Beatles, and John Lennon made him laugh so much with his jokes. He even managed to speak to his former Rolling Stones band mates to see how they were doing these days, and found he liked the new members, bassist Bill Wyman and the drummer who had replaced him, Charlie Watts.
When Mick asked what had happened to Dick Taylor, the band member that he had liked the most, Keith Richards answered, “Oh he left not long after you did; he wanted to concentrate more on his studies, but the good news is he’s in another band now, called The Pretty Things.” Mick could not help but laugh at such a name, but he was glad to hear that Dick was doing well for himself and he hoped that if Dick’s new band were successful, he would be able to see him around sometimes. He pointed this out to Keith, who responded with, “Well I’m sure Dick would love to see you anyway; I can always give you his telephone number.”
“Well I’m going to be away for a while,” Mick said regretfully. “We’re going on tour very soon.”
“Cool where are you goin’?” Keith asked him.
“Umm...a few different places in Europe,” Mick replied. “Let’s see...umm...Paris, Brussels, then a few different places in Germany, then onto Denmark and Sweden...should be fun hopefully.”
“Do you get on okay with your band mates?” Keith asked him, then added in an awkward whisper, “I mean...I know you left us because of Brian.” Keith then looked around in a paranoid way to make sure his band mate could not hear him.
“Yeah but don’t worry,” Mick reassured his former band mate. “I get on really well with the Kinks; they’re really nice guys, all of them...but...well I’m closest to Dave, in fact we share a flat.”
“That’s great,” Keith smiled and patted Mick’s shoulder affectionately. “Happy that you’re doing okay Mick my boy.”
“Thanks and I’m glad to see that your band’s doing so well,” Mick said, happy that he was catching up with some of his old friends and hoping that his secret boyfriend was going to stop being jealous that he was mingling with other people.
Mick was so busy talking with his ex band mate that he did not realise that Robert had seen him and was making his way towards him, completely furious that the drummer had avoided his own mother all afternoon and was getting ready to punch the spoilt little shit. He had already been pissed off enough when his girlfriend had revealed she had a son who refused to talk to her, and that she even had a child at all, but he loved her and would do anything to see her happy. So he was determined to keep the promise he had made to her, the promise being that Mick would talk to her today! He approached Mick, not realising how menacing he was looking and did not understand why the drummer looked so scared and upset when he got to him.
“Mick my lad,” Robert said, trying to be calm. “Can I borrow you for a minute?”
“Well I’m just...I’m just talking to Keith at the moment,” Mick said nervously.
“Well I’m sorry, but this is more important,” Robert said, looking at Keith, who gave him a curt nod and an uncomfortable smile, Really, am I that horrible? Robert thought. “Nice to meet you Keith,” Robert said, holding out his hand for the Stones’ guitarist to shake, which Keith did quite awkwardly, this was because he could see that Mick was looking upset and this man was obviously the reason why.
“Please Robert, please don’t make me…” Mick began in a scared voice.
“You can’t avoid your mum forever Mick,” Robert said in a very pushy and bullying voice, making Keith want to say something but he did not want to cause any more of whatever trouble Mick was in.
“No...I...suppose n...not,” Mick said, trying not to cry, but he already felt tears welling in his eyes and wished Dave was there to look after him, but he got the feeling that even Dave was pissed off with him now, just for talking with other people.
“Come on, this way,” Robert said, giving Mick no choice but to go with him, after all, he did not want to show anyone up in front of other people or cause a scene.
“Mick mate, are you okay?” Keith asked as Robert led him away.
Mick could only look back at his friend and nod, mouthing the words, “Yeah I’m fine.”
Robert led Mick into the band’s dressing room where the woman who had given birth to him was sitting at a small table waiting to see him. She still looked pretty much the same as she had ever done, just older, but still the same red, permed hair, the same heavy make up, the same overpowering perfume, the same oversized earrings, the same face that would have been very beautiful if her hard expression did not spoil her looks. She was as Mick often used to find her, smoking a cigarette.
Janice turned to look at her estranged son, put out her cigarette in an ashtray and got up from where she was sitting, “Hello Michael,” she said awkwardly. “Please come and sit down; I want us to talk.”
“I’ll er...I’ll leave you to it,” Robert said. “I’ll tell the others not to come in and interrupt.”
“Thanks love,” Janice told her boyfriend as Robert left the room.
Mick stood there awkwardly, angry at himself for being such a pushover, but still wondering whether or not he was the unreasonable one here, even though Dave had told him countless times that he owed Janice Williams nothing and he should be allowed to decide for himself whether or not he stayed in contact with his biological mother.
“Come and sit down my love,” Janice said, gesturing to the table. “I really do want to know how you’ve been since...well since it was decided I wasn’t fit to take care of you.”
“What do you want Janice?” Mick asked her, making no attempt to sit down as she asked.
“Janice?” She said in surprise. “What makes you think you can call me that?”
“What makes you think you deserve to be called ‘Mum’?” Mick asked, trying his best not to look afraid or upset, but he was the sort of person who did not like confrontations of any kind and his voice was sounding shaky, which made Mick feel very annoyed with himself.
“Well...I am still your mother...biologically at least,” Janice pointed out. “I brought you into the world, I provided for you after your father left…”
“Wait a minute,” Mick said, confused. “My father left...I thought you said you didn’t know who my father was!”
“I don’t,” Janice said. “Well...I’m not completely sure anyway...but the man I was in love with, I always hoped he was your father, but because neither of us were sure, that was why he left, because he just didn’t trust me.”
“Why didn’t he trust you?” Mick asked, unable to resist letting out a sarcastic laugh.
“Look my point is, he didn’t want to be a father,” Janice told him. “He was just making excuses, he didn’t want to be burdened with a kid. I loved him, but when I told him he might not be your father, I think he was almost delighted to have an excuse to leave me, but I know in my heart that you’re his son; you have his eyes most definitely.”
“What other excuses have you got?” Mick asked her.
“Excuses for what?” Janice asked.
“For leaving me alone in the house every night from the age of three...possibly even younger than that,” Mick said. “In fact...you did it for as long as I can remember; I don’t remember you ever being there to tuck me in and read me a bedtime story.”
“Times were tough,” Janice explained. “I had to go out and work every night just to feed you, clothe you, pay all the bills; I had no-one to support me...why can’t you be grateful you even got fed?”
“I ate on my own most of the time,” Mick reminded her. “The only time I had company was when I was at school. Before that, I used to think everyone’s mother went out every night. I couldn’t believe it when my friends had fathers in their lives. That was when I knew something was different about my own life. When I saw my school friends being brought to school by their mothers...or even their fathers sometimes, I used to look at them and wish you would take me to school sometimes. I even got asked once why my mum doesn’t walk me to school, although I had other kids say how lucky I was to be allowed to walk to and from school by myself.”
“I always made sure you had the house key,” Janice defended herself. “There was always food on the table for you when you got back.”
“Yeah...I suppose I learned to get used to it,” Mick agreed. “I learned to live with it in time, to accept that nothing would ever change...but no kid should have to fend for themselves.”
“Look, I didn’t have a very good start in life,” Janice sighed. “I ran away from home just like you did; whoring was the only way I was able to get by...you’ve no idea…”
“No...don’t give me that,” Mick snapped. “I don’t want your excuses.”
“It put food on the table,” Janice argued. “Why can’t you see that I was doing my best to try and provide for you?”
“You never showed much of an interest in me,” Mick said sadly. “Yeah maybe I can understand why you did what you did, and maybe I wouldn’t have minded that, if I thought you loved me.”
“Of course I did,” Janice said, just as if Mick was talking nonsense, which he knew he was not.
“You hit me many times,” Mick pointed out, on the verge of tears. “You even told me once you wished you’d got rid of me before I was born.”
“I nearly did abort you,” Janice said. “But something stopped me...not sure what.”
“Well I often used to think it might have been better if I’d never been born,” Mick sobbed. “That was before I ran away from home, and I ended up with the most wonderful family, and the most amazing brother I could ever ask for...things I never had when I was with you.”
“Oh well I’m so sorry if I wasn’t good enough for your high standards,” She said, suddenly turning angry and not seeming in the slightest bit moved by her son’s tears. “And I’m sorry that Ted wasn’t a good enough stepdad for you either you ungrateful little…”
“Don’t you dare!” Mick hissed, wiping away tears, feeling angry that she should even hint that he was the bad one. “Don’t you dare make out that you and that... monster are the innocent victims in all of this. That man raped me, that’s why I ran away and you know it!”
“Oh don’t start this again,” Janice sighed. “How many times have we been through this?”
“We’ve never been through this, not at all Janice,” Mick sniffed, trying to control his sobbing. “You’ve always refused to listen, you’ve always refused to believe that your beloved husband was anything but a wonderful, caring man who took us on because he loved us...you know it’s not true. You can accuse me of being spiteful, of being jealous that he got all the attention, but you know it’s all true, you know Ted was a monster...you just refuse to see it.”
“Well, me and Ted aren’t together now,” Janice shrugged. “He’s rotting in prison; he can stay there.”
“Why, because I wouldn’t take back my accusation that day you came to see me?” Mick sighed sadly. “Do you remember that? You came to see me at Rachel’s didn’t you? Not because you missed me but because you wanted me to retract my statement, you wanted me to tell the police that your precious husband didn’t do anything wrong, that he never raped me or abused me and that I was making the whole thing up, and when I refused you said you hated me and you never wanted to see me again. You actually did the only decent thing for me you’ve ever done, you left me in Rachel’s care...so why is it now that you want to see me? Why can’t you leave me alone?”
“I don’t really know anymore,” Janice shrugged. “It was quite by accident that we met again at all, that night when you caught me with Robert. I didn’t even know you could play the drums.”
“Nor did I until I met my brother,” Mick told her.
“You haven’t got a brother,” Janice said dismissively.
“Steve is my brother,” Mick corrected her. “Just because you’re not his mother doesn’t make him not my brother, in fact I wouldn’t love him any more if we were real brothers, and I blood adopted him.”
“What are you talking about?” Janice said scornfully as she lit up another cigarette.
Mick showed her the scar on his hand, “Look, Steve has the same scar as well, we adopted each other in a secret blood ceremony, where you make a small cut on your hand, put both your hands together so that the blood mixes…”
“That’s pathetic!” Janice scoffed. “He must be as crazy as you are, you’ve always been crazy Michael.”
“Why?” Mick asked. “Why have I always been crazy?”
Janice laughed at her son, “How long have you got?” She replied. “You used to talk to creepy crawlies in the garden, you used to feed hedgehogs-and they’re a well known pest, encourage them to come in our garden at night…”
“Better than what you brought to the house at night,” Mick argued. “You remember that? You brought guys home for sex.”
“Oh yeah I was just waiting for you to bring that up,” Janice shook her head, and it infuriated Mick (who very rarely got angry) that she behaved as though he over reacted to everything. “Never occurred to you that I did that so I wouldn’t have to keep leaving you?”
“Those disgusting men you used to bring back; they were ugly, they were…”
“Which was why I told you to stay in your room dear,” Janice inserted.
“Look...I didn’t even want to talk to you today,” Mick sighed. “That’s why I avoided you when I saw you; I only came here because Robert bullied me into it, and I don’t think we’re getting anywhere. You just keep coming up with an answer to everything don’t you...making out I’m the one in the wrong...you know...you never did tell me why you broke up with that monster Ted, because you said I ruined your happiness the day I reported what he’d done to me...so what went wrong there then just out of interest? Did he get tired of you when he didn’t have some kid to abuse?”
Janice grunted and replied, “He told me he was fucking some poor lad in prison, that’s why I filed for a divorce.”
“What, and yet you wouldn’t believe me when I told you he raped me?” Mick said in disbelief at her hypocrisy.
“I just couldn’t believe it I suppose,” Janice replied. “I just wanted to believe I had the perfect man, that he really did love me and that he loved you too.”
“You know what I don’t get,” Mick said sadly. “Not once have you apologised for not believing me, not once have you said sorry for neglecting me as a small boy...it’s all been about you since I walked in this room hasn’t it? About why I should see it from your point of view. You’ve probably manipulated Robert into thinking that I’m the bad one, well guess what, you won’t be manipulating any of my band mates, certainly not Dave.”
“Dave?” Janice said, raising her eyebrows. “What is he, another adopted brother of yours?”
“He’s...he’s my band mate,” Mick told her. “The one I’m closest to.”
He did not wish to lie to her and say Dave was like a brother when he was more than that; he did not wish to sink to her level, yet sadly, he could not tell the whole truth either. Peter had been the first person that day he had told the truth about his relationship to, and Peter had promised never to tell a soul, but Janice was one person he could never trust.
“Well...you’re lucky that you have all these wonderful people in your life,” Janice said, rolling her eyes at the word ‘wonderful’. “Let’s just hope they fit your standards.”
Mick sighed; Janice was never going to see anything his way, it was almost as if she did not wish to see anyone’s point of view but her own, “Look,” he said. “I was contemplating meeting up with you at some point Janice, but it would only have been for closure and nothing else. I’m sorry but...I have a family that I love now, and I have my own life.”
“What are you saying?” She asked. “That you don’t want anything more to do with me?”
“Did you want anything to do with me until you bumped into me that evening at that sleazy club I was forced to go to on Dave’s birthday?” Mick asked. “What were you even doing there at all...no wait, I don’t even want to know. Look, I’ve done what you want, I’ve given you my time, I’ve done what Robert wanted, and now I’ve had enough. I’m sorry that things were tough for you Janice, and I’m sorry you never wanted me...I really don’t know why you suddenly want to see me today.”
“To build bridges maybe,” Janice shrugged, though Mick was not convinced she actually meant that because she did not seem to show any feeling. “You can’t avoid me forever Michael, especially as I’m your manager’s girlfriend now.”
“That doesn’t mean you can worm your way back into my life,” Mick replied, then a sudden thought came to him that made him wonder if the real reason she wanted to be back in his life was to maybe get her hands on the money he earned from being in the Kinks. “If you’re after my money then let me tell you that…”
“More accusations...great,” Janice rolled her eyes yet again.
“Goodbye Janice,” Mick said, shaking his head. “I expect I probably will see you around again, but you’re not my mother; don’t try to pretend you are when you disowned me years ago.”
Mick then left the room in search of Dave, feeling upset and just in need of a hug.
He hoped that Dave was not too annoyed with him for talking to Peter and for disappearing off without telling him. Luckily, Dave was far from angry; while he had been gone, Robert had informed them all where he was and Mick and his mother were not to be disturbed until they had done talking.
Dave had been worried and he even noticed that Mick had been crying, but Mick told him not to worry, he was fine and he was actually relieved he had finally got the closure he and Janice both needed. Although that was not the last Mick ever saw of his biological mother, they would never form the bond they should have formed when Mick was a child, and Mick would never come to think of her as his mother.
A couple of weeks later, the Kinks set off on their tour of Europe, their first stop being in Paris; they were to be gone for over a month...almost two
Notes:
HERE IS A SNEAKY PEAK OF THE NEXT CHAPTER, ALL OF IT WILL BE ABOUT THE SMALL FACES!
Over in America, Steve Marriott looked sadly at the scar on his right hand and thought of his beloved adopted brother, longing to be able to see Mick more often and spend time with him just like in the old days. Steve had now formed his own band with his friend Ronnie Lane along with Kenney Jones and Jimmy Winston. Already they had a manager and were touring the US along with the Who.
Although Steve was enjoying the tour, he felt lonely, or would have done if it were not for Jimmy keeping him company and looking after him. Steve knew he may have been imagining things but sometimes he could not help but wonder if Jimmy was flirting with him. He supposed if he was, and the fact that Jimmy insisted on winking at him actually did mean something, then it was nice that there was at least one guy in the band who he might stand a chance in hell with. Ronnie was the one that Steve really wanted deep down, but there was no chance of anything happening there, Steve was quite sure of that.
Ronnie was into girls as far as Steve could tell; Steve guessed this by the way Ronnie behaved. Yes, Ronnie was quite manly despite his small height, although none of the Small Faces were tall anyway, in fact, you were not allowed to be taller than five foot six to get into their band, that was the rule.
Steve sat at the window of the hotel room that he shared with Ronnie and sighed. Ronnie had gone out drinking with Kenney and so he did not expect to see his best friend at all until the next morning. Jimmy had been too tired to go out or even to come and visit Steve in his room, and so had gone to bed.
So Steve was here all alone, missing his brother who he knew he would not see for a long time. However, things were about to change for Steve, who decided that when the tour was over, as it was probably a waste of time to ever think anything more than platonic would happen with Ronnie, he was somehow going to make a play for Jimmy.
Chapter 27
Summary:
Steve does not understand why his band mate Ronnie is avoiding him, but he soon learns why when he misreads the signs from Jimmy and makes a move on the Small Faces' organist, only for it to backfire terribly, with potentially disastrous consequences.
Notes:
So it has taken so long to update, struggled a bit with this chapter but hope you like it. Happy New Year to all my readers.
Chapter Text
Love me til the sun shines
Chapter 27
Over in America, eighteen year old Steve Marriott looked sadly at the scar on his right hand and thought of his beloved adopted brother, longing to be able to see Mick more often and spend time with him just like old times. Steve had now formed his own band with his friend Ronnie Lane, along with Kenney Jones and Jimmy Winston. Already they had a manager and were touring the US along with the Who.
Although Steve was enjoying the tour, he felt lonely, or would have done if it were not for Jimmy keeping him company and looking after him. Steve knew he may have been imagining things, but sometimes, he could not help but wonder if Jimmy was flirting with him. Steve supposed that if this was the case, and if Jimmy’s winking at him actually did mean something, then it was nice that there was at least one guy in the band who he might stand a chance in hell with. Ronnie was the one that Steve really wanted deep down, but there was no chance of anything happening there, Steve was quite sure of that.
Ronnie was into girls as far as Steve could tell; he guessed this by the way Ronnie behaved and the things he said when he and the band’s youngest member, Kenney were together. Yes, Ronnie was quite manly despite his small height, although none of the Small Faces were tall anyway, in fact, you were not allowed to be taller than five foot six to get into their band, that was the rule.
Steve sat alone at the window of the hotel room that he shared with Ronnie and sighed. Ronnie had gone out drinking with Kenney and so he did not expect to see his best friend at all until the next morning. Jimmy had been too tired to go out or even to come and visit Steve in his room as he had usually done throughout the tour, and so had gone to bed.
So Steve was here all alone, missing his brother who he knew he would not see for a long time. However, things were about to change for Steve, who decided that when the tour was over, as it was probably a waste of time to ever think anything more than platonic would happen with Ronnie, he was somehow going to make a play for Jimmy. Why not? Jimmy was kind, good looking...okay sometimes there were a few issues in the group about Jimmy trying to take over, trying to get above his station, he also lacked musical talent and he and Ronnie often had a clash of personalities. Still, Steve liked Jimmy for some reason, and Jimmy was there for Steve whenever he felt alone...whenever Steve felt that Ronnie would rather hang out with Kenney than with him.
Yes, Steve loved Ronnie, but he often felt he had to vie for the bass player’s attention with the sixteen year old drummer. Kenney was a nice enough lad, and Steve got on with him just fine, but he had met Kenney through Ronnie, so Steve felt sometimes that he could not form the same close bond with Kenney that Ronnie had, though he was always trying to make the effort...maybe he should try harder. Maybe he should agree sometimes to go out with them both...maybe that would help...then again maybe not; sometimes Steve felt alone even in a large group. In fact the only time he did not feel alone was when he was with Mick, or on his own with either Ronnie or Jimmy. Yet Mick was many miles away, the sea formed a barrier between them, Ronnie was only fun to be with when Kenney was not around and Jimmy...Steve liked him just fine, but he was not the same as Ronnie or Mick.
Steve sighed, feeling annoyed with himself. Perhaps he should stop feeling so insecure and jealous about other people’s friendships and try to join in with things, instead of stressing that he would just be left out. Then again what was the point? Even if he did try to make the effort and go out a little more, Ronnie and Kenney would still ignore him anyway, perhaps to go off and try to pull birds, and there would be no point in complaining about it because all he would probably get would be, “Well why don’t you look around and see if there’s a bird you like? You’re a good looking enough young fella!”
These words could come from either Ronnie or Kenney, though Steve knew that it would hurt coming from Ronnie...and so every time Ronnie asked him if he wanted to go out with him and Kenney, he would make an excuse, saying he was either too tired or not feeling very well. The fear of being hurt was just too much to risk, Steve also dreaded to think what Ronnie was getting up to; he did not want to know at all just in case it was something that would break his heart.
Steve took one last look out of the window to see if he could see Ronnie coming back, but then he remembered that his two band mates had only been gone for about an hour and so it was ridiculous to expect to see Ronnie any time soon that evening. In fact, knowing Ronnie, he would come back in while Steve was asleep and he would wake up and see his friend the next morning, which was not so bad, but then again what if Ronnie did something really inconsiderate such as coming in at one o’clock in the morning with some girl? Steve refused to think about that...Ronnie would never do such a thing...surely.
Steve angrily closed the curtains and began getting undressed ready to go to bed...maybe he should go and see if Jimmy was awake, but quickly decided against it; he should let the poor guy sleep because it was going to be a long day tomorrow...and the day after that, and the day after that. What was more, he was going to have to put up with not only Kenney Jones hogging Ronnie, but also Pete Townshend and Keith Moon as likely as not. Townshend in particular was one guy Ronnie had become quite close to on this tour, and Steve was worried that the Who’s songwriter was going to be a bad influence on his friend...what if he lost him altogether?
Steve knew he would not be able to sleep for a long time that night, so what could he do? He thought about it as he was putting his pyjamas on. As he was getting ready for bed, he thought about practising a song on his guitar...but he would have to do it quietly because people were sleeping and he did not want to risk having someone knocking on the door telling him to keep the noise down, because Steve was not in the best of moods. In fact he was feeling considerably down and depressed now, and if he did not burst into tears at somebody shouting at him, he would tell the person to ‘go fuck themselves’ and he did not really want to make himself look bad. In the end, Steve decided against playing any music that night, as he was sure it was not going to cheer him up anyway, especially if the other guests in the hotel were going to have a problem with it.
Steve hoped one day to make enough money to buy himself a lovely house in the country, with no other house for miles around and then he could play his music as loud as he wanted...if the band were successful enough, because at the moment, they were only getting payed in clothes, not money. Yes, the clothes were the most expensive and the most stylish clothes he had ever worn in his life, and he knew that when the band were back in London they would be hitting Carnaby Street again, but how would that feed them? Had their manager, Don Arden really thought this through when he had made this crazy proposal? Well Steve knew that he and his band mates had certainly not thought any of it through and had just been swept away by the amazing attire they were given to wear, and it was something none of them had been able to afford before. There was also some question as to how Don was able to afford all this expense. Still, that was the least of Steve’s worries right now, because so far they had not gone hungry, and Don had told them to just ‘roll with it’. So the boys had had no choice but to trust the man.
Steve lit a cigarette and lay down on the bed, trying his best to forget his troubles. He found in situations like these, a cigarette was the only answer he had.
He lay back and thought of all that had happened in his life. To begin with it had been nothing but sad, and he did not remember a single moment when his mother was well. He only ever remembered his sister, Julie looking after him and getting him ready for school and the two of them walking there together. Their mother never took them to school herself or even so much as waved them off; she spent most of her time in bed, and as a result the two of them suffered. There was often no food in the house and the two of them were lucky to get a bath once a week. Steve had never really found out what was wrong with his mother, all he knew was that she was severely depressed and had little or no desire to live. Steve did not even remember his father, who had died before he was born.
Looking back, he supposed it could not have been easy on Kay Marriott; losing her husband and being left alone with two children to take care of could not have been an easy situation to be in by any stretch of the imagination. For that reason, Steve held nothing against her, if anything he was grateful that everything had happened as it did, because otherwise he may never have met Mick, who had become so precious to him. He often felt guilty for feeling this way, especially when Julie would talk about the times before he was born, when their father was alive and the happy early memories she had of their parents. Then Steve remembered, he did not have any of the good memories his sister had; none of his memories of their mother had been good, so why should he feel guilty about anything? None of it was his fault, though Julie never suggested that he was to blame, she had always seemed upset with him when he would point out how much better their lives had become once they had been taken into care. The two siblings had got into arguments about this on more than one occasion, Steve accusing Julie of being ungrateful for the blessings bestowed on them after they had been seen rummaging through a rubbish tip desperate for food; that was when something was finally done for them. They were reported, taken into care and their mother sectioned.
Julie had been distressed at being taken from her mother as she loved her very much, but Steve took to his new life very well when they were finally given a decent meal three times a day and comfortable beds to sleep in.
Then the day Mick came to live with them three years later, Steve knew his life was complete, because he had always wanted a brother to have fun with, not that Julie was exactly boring, but because Julie was seven years older and because his sister had pretty much taken on the role of his mother, he would sometimes see her as too much of an authority figure. Plus, all Julie could think of was going to see her mother as often as she could and even requested to go to the boarding school that was five miles from the asylum where Mrs Marriott was being held. To Steve’s utter despair, Julie had got her wish in the end, but he was glad that she still came home for the holidays as he still loved his sister and worried about her constantly.
Julie however, especially when she was in a bad mood and feeling down, often accused her brother of not loving or caring about their mum, which would cause more arguments because Steve would then ask Julie if she would rather they were both still living in extreme poverty, simply because she wanted to be with her mother. He accused her of not caring about his welfare one bit and told her she was a selfish bitch. There were times when their foster mother, Rachel would have to come between them to stop them from killing each other, which often ended up with Julie walking away in tears and Steve feeling bad for having upset her...but why could she not see it his way? Kay Marriott had been in no position to take care of them and as far as Steve was concerned, being taken into foster care was the best thing that had ever happened to him.
There had also been a time when Steve had snapped when Julie asked him why he could not love their mother; he had responded with, “How can you expect me to love her when she didn’t do anything to make me love her? She was never a mother to either of us and you know it!”
Steve remembered getting a slap in the face from his older sister for saying this, and as a result, Steve did not speak to Julie for a good two weeks. Once they were friends again, Steve and Julie just agreed to disagree about their mother, the main reason being that they hated it when they were not talking to each other. So each decided to respect how the other one felt and had left it at that, though Steve knew that Julie lived in hope that one day he would go and visit Kay, as apparently she was always asking about him.
Steve stayed awake for another two hours, just thinking of his past and wondering where his life was going from here, and wondering if he would still be awake when Ronnie came back from gallivanting God knows where with young Kenney...but no, Ronnie stayed out most of the night and so Steve fell asleep. He woke up and saw his close friend and band mate the next morning, snoring away as if he would never get up again. Still it could have been worse, Ronnie could have had company, but no, to Steve’s relief, Ronnie had come back alone and obviously shattered from his night out. Then again, the tour was not yet over, so there was still time for Ronnie to break his heart.
The rest of the Small Faces’ tour as support acts for the Who was still the same for Steve, nothing changed. He enjoyed playing at the different venues as always, yet felt empty deep down. He of course put on a happy, carefree front for their audiences, but really he was struggling with everything going on in his head: his seemingly unrequited feelings for Ronnie, his beloved brother who was oceans apart from him...and he still remained unsure of whether to react to Jimmy’s apparent flirting. He also noticed an undesirable change in Ronnie; up until the end of the tour, they had always shared a hotel room. However, Ronnie was now acting distant towards him, telling Steve no offence but he was really not in the mood to write or play any music with him for the time being...then on their last evening, Steve really had no idea what he had done wrong, because Ronnie decided he was going to share a room with Kenney, and he had managed to talk Jimmy into sharing with Steve.
When Steve asked Ronnie the reason for this, all Ronnie replied with was, “Look Steve it’s nothing for you to worry about, and besides, you shouldn’t have a problem sharing with Jimmy; you and him are good friends and you get on just fine. I just have a few unsolved issues to deal with, so please don’t ask any more questions.”
This did not make it any easier for poor Steve, who really felt that the problem must be him and him alone...but he did not want to risk making his friend angry by asking too many questions, so he had no choice but to leave Ronnie to it.
After that, even though Steve was hurt by Ronnie’s coldness towards him, he just decided for his own sanity to try to forget about it; Jimmy seemed to want to know him and so Steve put the effort in to get to know the band’s organist better...perhaps Jimmy would prove to be a better friend after all.
For a while, it did seem to Steve that Jimmy had replaced Ronnie as his best friend. When the Small Faces finally returned to England, Jimmy was the one Steve invited back to Rachel’s house for tea. The more Steve got to know Jimmy, the more he liked him and actually began to think that yes, something more than friendship could possibly happen between the two of them, though Steve was always too terrified to make a move; as innocent as Steve could be sometimes, even he knew that anything more that friendship between two men was illegal.
However, as the summer months approached, there came a time when Steve could hold back no longer. On that fateful day, the boys were once again working in Soho, and during their lunch break (for which they had two hours), on a day they were doing promotional work as well as socialising with other artists and bands, the boys had finished doing their usual shopping for more of the latest mod clothing in all the Carnaby Street boutiques. They got back to the hotel they were staying in for that one night and Steve somehow found himself alone with Jimmy. Ronnie had wandered off by himself somewhere and Kenney was nowhere to be seen either.
Steve was sitting on a box in the largest room of this particular hotel, this room was used for parties, weddings and other social functions, and today, the Small Faces were allowed to use it for their practise as at this time of year, the room was not needed much.
So Steve came here when he thought he could have some alone time with his acoustic, time he always made the most of, because it was quite rare now that he got to be alone; if he was not doing anything with the Small Faces, their manager Don would sometimes be on his case about why he still had no girlfriend.
Although he was grateful to Don for getting him where he was now, Steve could not help feeling he preferred the band’s manager in small doses; he did not know why, but there was something about Don he did not quite trust, but he could not put his finger on what it was that made him uncomfortable. All Steve knew was, he did not like being left alone with him. Steve had been glad to see Don walking out of the hotel as he and Jimmy were coming in, and as he himself had continued making his way inside, Jimmy had stopped to talk to their manager, so Steve took this as the perfect opportunity to go and play some music for a little while. So he was here by himself...or so he thought. Just as Steve was playing a few chords on his guitar, something made him jump. He felt a hand on his shoulder which startled him greatly.
“Sorry Steve,” Jimmy apologised. “Didn’t mean to scare ya...erm...I’ll let you practise then...I...I didn’t mean to interrupt.”
“Oh...no...it’s okay,” Steve stammered, feeling himself blushing. “It’s just I thought I was here on my own...and...and I was kind of in my own world just now.”
“So I see,” Jimmy chuckled, sitting down next to his friend. “You’ve been in your own world a lot lately haven’t ya?” he laughed as he said this, making Steve blush even more, which made Jimmy apologise again as he thought he had somehow embarrassed Steve.
“No...no I’m not embarrassed,” Steve said, unable to stop his voice shaking nervously. “I just...what do you mean? Why do you think I’ve been in my own world?”
“I dunno,” Jimmy shrugged. “You just seem to come across that way, like you’ve got a lot on your mind and don’t really want to talk about it...but...well sometimes I can’t help but feel like...well...like you want to talk but don’t know how.”
Steve felt his heart racing, but tried to act normal, as if what Jimmy had said was no big deal, but Steve knew damn well that it was a huge deal and his problems were not going to go away, no matter how much he tried to hide from them, so he replied with, “Well...well of course I’ve got a lot on my mind Jimmy; for a start, I really miss my brother and I’ve been missing him for weeks and I don’t know when I’m going to get to see him again, although I keep trying to remind myself what Mick and I promised to each other.”
“Oh yeah,” Jimmy rolled his eyes, remembering a conversation he and Steve had had only the other day about Mick; Steve had told him that nothing would ever change the closeness between them and distance and time away from each other would never break the bond they had together. “Yeah...you were pretty open about that little blood ceremony you did with Mick, which to be honest Steve, don’t take this wrong but...I thought that was a bit OTT if I’m honest.”
“OTT?” Steve questioned, having no idea what his friend was talking about.
“Yeah, stands for ‘over the top’,” Jimmy explained. “I mean, it’s sweet that you two made that promise to each other but...well personally if you really care for each other and you know that nothing will ever come between you, well there’s really no need to cut yourselves to prove it; that’s just crazy.”
There was no malice or sarcasm in Jimmy’s voice, just kind concern, so Steve had no problem debating the issue, “We did it so that every time we miss each other, we look at the scar to remind us of our brotherly bond,” Steve explained, his tummy feeling fluttery as he felt Jimmy’s eyes on him, he was also feeling hot and felt himself sweating a little. “Mick and I are not blood related at all, which is why we blood adopted one another in this way, that’s why I always call him my brother now, and he does me.”
“Okay,” Jimmy sighed, also trying not to laugh. “But it still concerns me because I worry that he doesn’t take this as seriously as you obviously do.”
“Oh Mick does,” Steve said defensively. “He really does; you don’t know him and you’ve never met him. Trust me, if you did meet him, which I hope you do, you’ll understand. Mick is the kindest, gentlest person you could ever meet. If you talked to him, you would see for yourself why I love him the way I do.”
“He sounds like a great guy,” Jimmy said, not wanting to argue with Steve, who he really felt was talking a load of nonsense and this caused him great concern.
Realising he was not getting anywhere with talking to Jimmy about Mick, Steve decided to change the subject and talk about Ronnie, “Missing my brother isn’t the only problem, “Steve sighed. “It’s Ronnie too...ever since America he’s been acting weird with me, hardly talking to me and avoiding me like the plague...and I don’t know why.”
“Fuck Ronnie,” Jimmy laughed. “I told you before, if he wants to be weird, let him be weird.”
Well I don’t have a choice,” Steve muttered, then said, more clearly, “But I really want to know what his problem is, and I’m actually thinking of confronting him and demanding to know why he’s treating me this way!”
“It might cause even worse problems,” Jimmy pointed out. “What did he tell you? That he’s got issues to sort out...Steve, just leave him to it. I mean sure, he’s being a bit of a dick about it, but if he doesn’t want to be your friend, then that’s his loss.”
“He’s all right with having Kenney for a friend though,” Steve said bitterly. “Why does he hang around with Kenney and not me? What has Kenney got that I haven’t?”
“I don’t think he does go around with Kenney very much now,” Jimmy told him. “He’s been going off on his own a lot lately; don’t know what he’s up to, but it’s like he wants to be alone and doesn’t want to talk to anyone. You know what, even Kenney said this morning that he seems depressed, but Ronnie won’t talk to anyone about it.”
“Well, that makes me feel a bit better,” Steve said, smiling at what Jimmy had told him because he was happy to learn that Ronnie’s weird behaviour was possibly nothing personal, even though he also felt concerned for Ronnie because he wanted to be able to help him.”
“Steve, when Ronnie asked me to swap rooms so that I’d be with you and he’d be with Kenney,” Jimmy explained. “I think the reason was that Kenney’s the quiet one in the group and he’ll give Ronnie the peace and quiet he needs.”
“What!?” Steve exclaimed, feeling offended at these words. “And he’s saying I don’t give him any peace and quiet?”
“Well no because you’re always quite lively and want to do stuff with Ronnie all the time,” Jimmy said bluntly. “You know, songwriting and jamming and stuff, and Ronnie doesn’t want to do that at the moment.”
“Well, all he had to do was tell me he needed peace and quiet,” Steve cursed, feeling offended at this revelation. “Then I would have left him alone.”
“Look...don’t let Ronnie get to ya!” Jimmy said, shaking his head that they were even having this conversation, because as far as he was concerned, Ronnie was a misery guts anyway. “You don’t need him do ya? If he wants to be such an arsehole then let him, besides, you’ve got me, and I suppose you’ve got your brother when he comes home.”
Steve looked into Jimmy’s eyes, clearly touched by his kind words, “Do you really mean that Jimmy?” Steve asked in almost a whisper and feeling on the verge of tears.
Jimmy put his hand on Steve’s arm, “Of course,” Jimmy reassured him. “You know that I’m always here for you Steve; I’m your friend for life.”
“Are you sure that’s all we are?” Steve asked, then before he could stop himself, he found himself touching Jimmy’s face; he did not notice Jimmy’s smile drop as Steve stroked his hair and leaned forward to kiss his friend on the lips. However, things did not work out the way Steve assumed they would. For weeks, he had been convinced that Jimmy fancied him and had been flirting with him, but now, Steve was not prepared for his friend’s reaction; before their lips met, Jimmy roughly pushed him away!
“WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING?” Jimmy growled with a look of disgust on his face, a far cry from the gentle way he had been with Steve the past few months.
“I’m...I’m sorry,” Steve said, trembling in fear. “I...I thought…”
“WHAT DID YOU THINK?!” Jimmy stood up and glared at him. “That I was a FUCKING QUEER?!”
“Y...yes,” Steve saw no point in lying. “I...thought you and I were…”
“Why the fuck would you think that?” Jimmy hissed, and the malice in his voice and his facial expression made Steve’s blood run cold.
However, he felt he still owed his friend an explanation, “P...please...Jimmy,” Steve felt the tears welling up in his eyes and he started sobbing uncontrollably. “Y...you...you’ve been...flirting with me for months.”
“WHAT?!” Jimmy yelled. “WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU THINK THAT? YOU STUPID LITTLE CUNT!”
“But...but...you wink at me all the time,” Steve sobbed. “How could you expect me not to…”
“WHAT THE…” Jimmy gave Steve a look of disbelief. “I FUCKING WINK AT EVERYONE YOU WEIRDO...that’s just...it’s part of who I am...winking doesn’t mean…”
“Well...I’ve never known any other guy to wink at me,” Steve stood up and in spite of how upset he was, decided to defend himself. “And...I’ve always assumed that...if a bloke winks at...at another bloke...it...it usually means one thing!”
Jimmy shook his head, unable to believe anything that Steve was telling him, “No it doesn’t!” Jimmy argued. “It’s just a way of being fucking friendly you little twat...it’s...it’s normal to wink and to say a few friendly words...it...it doesn’t mean to say I want to SODOMISE YOU...OH MY FUCKING LIFE...you...you make me sick!”
“Im...I’m sorry,” was all Steve could say; he really was terrified of what Jimmy was going to do and completely shocked that he had reacted so badly, because by now, Steve had become convinced that Jimmy would have welcomed such advances. “I...I suppose...you just gave me...the wrong impression...you sent out...the wrong signals and I didn’t mean any harm.”
“Too late for that!” Jimmy spat. “I don’t think I want to be around you anymore...I...I thought you were a decent little guy Steve, but you’re obviously not, so I’m leaving this band...tell Ronnie he’s got what he wanted; me out of the band, and perhaps you’ll be good enough to tell him why I’ve left. Fuck...to think I’ve been a friend to someone like you !”
Jimmy began to make his way from the room, but Steve followed after him, trying to reason with him, “You’re not...you’re really going to just leave us are you? He begged. “Please, it was all just a misunderstanding, please give me another chance Jimmy...I’m begging you not to tell anyone!”
Steve grabbed Jimmy by the shoulders, trying to stop him from walking away, but Jimmy pushed him back roughly and growled, “Don’t you fucking touch me, don’t come near me!” When he could see that poor Steve had stepped back from him, Jimmy smirked and said, “You keep out of my way and don’t say anything, you let me pack my bags and leave and I’ll say nothing more of your behaviour. You continue to follow me and I might just go to the police, do you hear?”
Steve felt he had no choice but to do as Jimmy demanded, after all, he was sure he was going to be in enough trouble already when Ronnie found out, and as for their manager, it did not even bear thinking about. Steve really had no idea what to do; he was frightened and he felt in that moment like he had no choice but to go and drown himself in the nearest river...after all, that was what people expected guys like him to do...right?
No-one would understand how he was feeling, and he shuddered at the thought of what Ronnie would think...then again, Ronnie did not seem to care about him at all at the moment, so maybe it would be a good thing for Ronnie to pay him some kind of attention, even if it was the negative kind.
Steve was lost, utterly confused and a sudden feeling of panic came over him that he could not describe. He began making his way out of the building, having no idea where exactly he was going, and right now, did not care. He could not think straight, his mind was completely blank and he almost felt like he was not walking, but floating. The weather had become quite windy and cold for that time of year, but Steve did not notice this because he was in such a panic as he walked out onto Wardour Street, deciding he needed to get away from everything and everyone. What choice did he have? Who would want to know him when they learned what he had done?
In a quiet corner down a seemingly forgotten alley on Berwick Street, not far from where the Small Faces were staying and working, Ronnie Lane leaned against the wall and took out a cigarette, finally glad to have got away from it all, even for just a little while. Although he would much rather have been in the countryside, under a tree in the fresh air by a quiet river, Ronnie found that this dingy place still gave him solace. The bass player needed time to think about what he was going to do about the feelings he had long been harbouring for his close friend and band mate Steve.
This was why since the tour, he had been avoiding his younger band mate like the plague, simply because of the way Steve made him feel.
Now Ronnie just needed a break from everyone for as long as possible; the truth was, what he was feeling for Steve was killing him, knowing he would probably never be able to fulfil this love. Ronnie also knew he was going off girls, even though he had dated them at school, but sometimes, he wondered if he was ever really into them at all, yet it had taken Steve to make him realise it. Ever since he had met the pint sized teenager at the bar Steve had been working in at the time, Ronnie had known deep down that his feelings ran deeper than friendship, yet for a long time, he pushed these feelings aside and convinced himself that all he felt for Steve was a great affection, after all, it was not possible for a man to love another man in that way...right? Trouble was, for months now, he had been having sexual thoughts about the young singer and guitarist, also dreams...and he had woken up feeling disgusted with himself for having such a dream and for feeling this way. So in the end, Ronnie thought if he stayed away from Steve for a while, these unsavoury, unnatural thoughts would simply go away, and then he could go back to being ‘normal’ like he apparently used to be.
Ronnie sighed, put his cigarette in his mouth and lit up, remembering how hurt Steve had looked when he had announced he was going to be sharing a room with Kenney for the rest of the tour, and it still hurt Ronnie to think he had made his friend so sad, but the bass player felt he needed to do this for himself. He had needed to get away from Steve because sharing a room with him did not help these feelings at all.
It had also hurt to see Steve become so close to Jimmy after that, because Jimmy was not Ronnie’s favourite person and never had been. Ronnie then began to think that if these unwanted feelings were never going to go away, perhaps the Small Faces had no future, because this sure as hell was affecting his working and writing alongside Steve; if Steve was never going to feel the same way, then Ronnie did not think he could continue this working relationship.
Just as Ronnie was working up a plan as to how he was going to either leave the band or ask Steve to leave, he suddenly heard something he did not like the sound of at all; as he listened harder, he realised it was the sound of someone sobbing uncontrollably, and it sounded like a young man. Whoever it was, they were making their way to exactly where Ronnie was, and that had never happened before because until now, this alleyway was the one place where his solitude was never interrupted...he should have known that there was always a first time. However, being interrupted was the least of his worries when he saw the one person who was the route of all his problems emerge round the corner...Steve.
Ronnie’s heart broke when he saw how upset his band mate was; he had never seen Steve look this upset or cry so hysterically before, and now Ronnie felt terrible for the way he had treated him. Steve was so busy sobbing that he did not seem to notice Ronnie was there. Ronnie wanted to cry as he saw Steve fall to the ground, his body completely wracked with sobs.
“Oh...oh my gawd Steve what’s wrong?” Ronnie gasped, almost dropping his cigarette.
Ronnie bent down and placed his arm round Steve, who did not seem to care that someone was with him. Ronnie pulled Steve onto his feet and held him close as he cried. He felt very angry at himself for rejecting Steve the way he did and also wanted to totally kill the person who had upset his friend. Steve did not seem able to control his sobbing, and so Ronnie rubbed the teenager’s back trying to soothe him and made comforting sounds and spoke all the comforting words he could think of, but that seemed to make Steve cry even more, perhaps the kindness in his voice was touching to Steve and so even though it was comforting him, it did not stop him from crying.
Ronnie pulled Steve back and held his friend firmly by the shoulders, “What’s upset you Steve?” He asked with great alarm, because Ronnie knew it must be something terrible to make a young man cry in this way. “Talk to me please; I’m your friend, let me help you!”
Then Ronnie did something he had never done before in the hope to calm Steve down, he offered his friend a drag of his cigarette, and he did not like to share his fags normally, but he would try anything if he thought it would help Steve, who he loved more than anyone he had loved before. Steve, still sobbing, wiped his eyes with the back of his hand, smiled a weak smile at his friend, and gratefully took the cigarette Ronnie offered him. Ronnie waited as his friend took a few puffs, and felt relieved that it seemed to have the desired effect, that is, Steve seemed a little calmer after about half a minute of inhaling the nicotine deeply and breathing out slowly.
“What’s going on Steve?” Ronnie asked calmly, though inside he felt anything but calm. However, Steve did not answer, he simply stared into space and continued to take drags of the cigarette; clearly this was something that Steve would not easily be willing to talk about.
For that reason, Ronnie became frustrated, but did not want to risk making Steve cry again, even though his tears had not yet fully subsided anyway, so Ronnie held Steve’s face in his hands, and said, firmly but kindly, “Look, Steve mate, I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what’s wrong!”
Steve then reacted to these words, he looked at his friend and replied, still sobbing, “I’m...I’m...sorry. I...I’ve just done something...really really really stupid and...don’t think...I can talk about it.”
“Why not?” Ronnie asked. “What’s so bad that you’ve come out here, to my secret hideaway (Ronnie chuckled a little as he said this), crying your eyes out, and when I ask you to tell me what’s wrong, you feel you can’t talk to me about it?”
“I...I wish I...could talk Ro...Ronnie,” Steve sobbed, fresh tears falling from his eyes. “B...but I...I d...don’t have the courage to tell...you.”
Ronnie sighed, doubting very much that there was anything Steve could tell him that he would judge harshly, not with what he himself was feeling for Steve, so Ronnie decided to make light of it a little, “Have you just gone and bloody murdered somebody?” He asked, a slight chuckle escaping his lips. “It’s just you look so pale and scared, and I think…”
“I am scared Ronnie!” Steve said in a louder voice. “Really fucking scared and I...I don’t know what to...do.” Then Steve covered his face with his hand and cried even more.
“Please Steve,” Ronnie begged. “Whatever it is, just tell me and we’ll try to sort it out; I promise you’re not on your own because I’m here for you.”
“You’d hate me,” Steve sobbed, placing the cigarette in his mouth again, inhaling and then choking.
Ronnie patiently waited until Steve was all right again, rubbing his friend’s back, saying, “I doubt that very much Steve, I don’t think...no...I know I could never hate you, even if I wanted to.”
“You’ll want to then,” Steve said, laughing a little.
“I want to help you, I know that,” Ronnie told him. “But as I said before I can’t do that ‘til you tell me what’s happened.”
Steve wiped away tears from his face, let out a sob, looked at Ronnie and said, “Jimmy’s leaving the band; he doesn’t want to be around me anymore, but if you like, I’ll leave then Jimmy can stay, because when I tell you why he’s leaving, you and Kenney won’t want to be around me either.”
Ronnie was horrified, not at the thought of Jimmy leaving the band; he could live with that just fine, but the thought of Steve going away and leaving him was something he could not bear to think about. Even though he had been making plans for such a thing to happen, either asking Steve to go or him leaving himself because he could not bear these feelings any longer, but now he realised he could not let Steve go so easily, even if his love for him was unrequited, because Ronnie still valued his friendship. He had never had a friend like Steve before and throwing a wonderful friendship away just for the sake of a few romantic feelings would be the worst thing he could ever do.
However, Ronnie still needed to know why Jimmy had left, so he asked Steve once again what had happened.
“Y...you sure you want to know?” Steve asked. “You won’t like it, I’m sure of that.”
“No, probably not,” Ronnie agreed. “But I’m honestly not bothered about Jimmy leaving; we could do better than him, that I’m sure about.”
“I misread the signs,” Steve said sadly. “I thought he was flirting with me all this time, and...and so I tried to kiss him earlier.”
Hearing these words, Ronnie felt as though a dagger had gone through his heart. Surely he had heard wrong, “W...what?” Was all he could say in reply.
“I think you heard me,” Steve whispered. “And I did warn you that you wouldn’t like it, but you insisted on me telling you exactly what happened, so I told you...what...whatever you want me to do Ronnie, I’m happy to do it. If you want me to leave…”
“You...you really tried to kiss Jimmy?” Ronnie asked, his heart shattered in a thousand pieces at the very thought that Steve would go for someone else, and not just any someone else, it had to be the annoying Jimmy.
Steve looked at Ronnie and nodded, “You hate me don’t you?” He said quietly. “You’re angry with me aren’t you...are you angry Ron?”
Ronnie could not lie to his friend, “Yes,” he whispered. “Yes Steve, I’m angry and upset that you would do such a thing...but I don’t hate you, just disappointed that you went for him and not me!”
The bassist was unsure if that was the right thing to say, but he had been holding in his feelings for so long, and now, even though he was deeply upset that Steve had got so close to Jimmy, a guy he could not stand at times and a guy who he had felt for a long time that he wanted to replace with someone with more talent, he now knew that it was possible he might have a chance with Steve.
Steve stared at Ronnie in disbelief, unsure of what to say, “So...you really do like me in that way Ronnie?”
“Like you?” Ronnie murmured. “Steve, I love you...and I think...no, I know now that I’ve always loved you, right from the moment I saw you.”
Steve could not believe what he was hearing, when only a matter of minutes ago he had been feeling terrified of what the future would hold for him and what Ronnie would do to him...what Don would do to him when he found out why Jimmy had left. Yet Ronnie had just confessed his undying love for him, and Ronnie had always been the one he really wanted, not Jimmy, and it was a miracle that they both felt the same way about one another, but Steve had to ask what was going to happen to the Small Faces now, “What are we going to do Ronnie?” he asked. “I...I mean about Jimmy?”
“Let him go,” Ronnie shrugged. “We don’t need him; we’ll find someone else I promise.”
“What about Don?” Steve asked, worried. “He’s going to demand an explanation about Jimmy isn’t he? Well...that is if Jimmy’s not already told him.”
“Oh leave Don to me,” Ronnie said, placing his arms around Steve’s waist and pulling him into a loving embrace. “You don’t have to worry about any of it; I’ll protect you, I swear.”
Steve felt his heart pounding with nerves at his friend’s sudden display of affection, “Ro...Ronnie...” Steve said, his voice shaking.
Then Ronnie realised what he was doing and quickly let go, “Fuck...Steve I’m so sorry,” he said, embarrassed that he had been so presumptuous, then his voice lowered to a whisper, “but Steve, I meant what I said, I really do love you, but if that makes you uncomfortable then…”
“No...no it doesn’t!” Steve said quickly, then he decided he may aswell be honest, “Ronnie...I love you too, you’re the one I’ve always wanted deep down, but because you never showed it, and well...Jimmy did...well…” Steve trailed off awkwardly as he did not know how to finish what he was going to say about Jimmy.
“It’s okay,” Ronnie whispered. “I know what you’re going to say; I’ve been ignoring you for weeks and Jimmy’s been there for you, I understand, and I want you to forgive me.”
“I do forgive you Ronnie,” Steve smiled. “There’s nothing to forgive actually; it can’t have been easy for you having feelings for me and thinking it was a lost cause, because I’ve been feeling the same way.”
“Does this mean that...you and I can…” Ronnie began to say, but again, he did not want to presume anything, because after all, a relationship like this was a scary and illegal thing to be getting into and they had to be careful.
“I don’t know Ronnie,” Steve said doubtfully. “I honestly don’t know...bad things could happen if we get found out...and Mick...what’s he going to think of me when...or if I ever tell him…”
“Hey if Mick’s any kind of a brother then he’ll love you unconditionally!” Ronnie said firmly. “Just like I love you unconditionally, and I really mean that Steve!”
“I suppose for the time being...I have other things to worry about,” Steve pointed out. “Like Jimmy and Don...can the Small Faces survive this?”
“Yes, of course we can!” Ronnie said, determined. “And we’ll be stronger and better than ever; we’re going to get a new and much more talented organist, and then we’re going to make it big!”
“Do you really believe that Ronnie?” Steve asked his friend.
“I know it,” Ronnie said. “But Steve...now that my secret’s out...and your secret’s out too...do you think...will there ever be a chance that you and I can be together?”
Steve hesitated for a second, because he really wanted to say yes, but was so scared of what could happen...then again, maybe he should jump at the chance of happiness while he could, because this chance might not come to him again. So Steve nodded to indicate ‘yes’, but after what had happened earlier with Jimmy, he was not going to be the one to make the first move, despite Ronnie already having told him how he truly felt. However, he did not need to, because Ronnie held Steve’s face in his hands, and with his thumb, wiped away a stray tear that had fallen down his cheek. Ronnie then pushed him gently against the wall, and Steve closed his eyes, unable to believe what was actually happening, his heart pounding with overwhelming excitement and butterflies fluttering around in his stomach.
Ronnie did the very thing he had wanted to do for months and months, he leaned in for a kiss, and pulled Steve close to him in a passionate embrace.
Steve responded to the kiss by placing his arms tightly round his friend...or boyfriend as he ought to be called now...Steve supposed. This was the happiest Steve had felt since the last time he had seen Mick, which unfortunately seemed like a lifetime away now. All the bad things that had happened to him and the loneliness he felt seemed to disappear like a bubble, to be replaced with nothing but love and happiness. Steve just wanted to live in this moment forever, he made the most of the kiss, enjoying Ronnie’s delicious scent; a mixture of aftershave and tobacco, also the warmth of his mouth, the tenderness of his embrace and even the taste of his tongue.
Ronnie felt he never wanted to leave this place; he wanted to stay here with his beautiful Steve forever and never let him go.
Chapter 28
Summary:
The Small Faces manager, Don is at his wits end over what to do about Steve...because Ronnie's threats may leave him with no choice but to keep him in the band.
Chapter Text
Love me til the sun shines
Chapter 28
Don Arden was fuming with rage and his mind was filled with horror. He had just bumped into Jimmy Winston in the corridor and the young man had furiously told him that he was leaving the Small Faces for good.
When the band’s manager had demanded an explanation as to why he would just walk out, Don had been unable to believe the answer that Jimmy had given. Had he even heard right? Was he asleep and having some kind of nightmare? The manager had been pinching himself over and over just to make sure that this was actually happening. Surely Steve Marriott had not really ‘come onto’ his band mate...surely not, please God!
Don had often wondered about Steve. Why would such a good looking little fellow like him be so uninterested in pulling birds like Ronnie and Kenney were?
Now he had his answer...but Don was far from happy about it. He had always wanted to give little Steve the benefit of the doubt, always told himself that Steve simply lacked confidence and was just too shy to talk to a girl. Then again, Steve did not come off as particularly shy, in fact, the band’s lead singer was quite a cheeky chap when he was in the mood for it and was certainly not unsociable. However, there were times when the pint sized guitarist would go within himself and did not seem to want to talk to anyone, and Don had always assumed that it must have something to do with his past experiences. Don knew that Steve and his sister had not had a good start in life and had both ended up in care, so he had simply put Steve’s mood swings down to that...then again, what if his problems were something else entirely?
Don was furious that he had shit like this to deal with when managing a young band was stressful enough already. If young Steve really was ‘one of them’, then Don knew he would have to do something about it...but what?
Should he go after Jimmy before he left the hotel, beg him to stay with the promise he would get rid of Steve? It was a tempting idea, but then again...was Jimmy really worth it? After all, as good looking as he was, Jimmy had no real talent, and Steve was the complete opposite; he had an outstanding singing voice and was very gifted on the guitar and piano...but he could not allow Steve to stay in the band if he was a queer. Surely that was out of the question; it went against everything...right?
Don was quite sure that Ronnie and Kenney would feel the same way once they knew; they could not afford to risk their careers before they had even begun.
Don soon decided that he would not beg Jimmy to stay, but Steve would still have to go.
Steve could not believe his luck. As it happened, the one person he thought he could never have had actually wanted him the whole time but had been too afraid to say. After a most pleasant half an hour in the alleyway, the two decided it was time to go and face the music. Ronnie promised his friend...or boyfriend as he quite possibly ought to be called now, that he was not going to let anybody hurt him; even if Jimmy had decided to turn Steve in, the police would have to go through him first.
“Look, I’ll just say that you were with me the whole time,” Ronnie reassured him. “Jimmy can’t prove that you did anything...and I could always threaten him and tell him to withdraw his complaint.”
“You’ll do no such thing Ronnie Lane!” Steve said sternly. “You’ll only get into trouble yourself, but thank you for being so protective. I really don’t know what I’d do without you...but fuck...why do I always mess everything up?”
“You didn’t mess anything up babe,” Ronnie told him, stroking his band mate’s cheek gently. “If anything, it was a blessing because in the end, it meant you and I could finally tell each other how we feel. I meant every word I said Steve, I love you.”
“I love you too Ronnie,” Steve whispered, leaning forward to kiss him tenderly, but as Steve broke away, he sighed. “Fuck do we have to go back?”
“Yes we do,” Ronnie said. “Because we have to talk to both Don and Kenney about getting a replacement for Jimmy, and then we’re going to carry on as before. You’ll see, we’ll be even better, I promise.”
“I admire your enthusiasm Ronnie,” Steve sighed. “Really I do...but I don’t know if we can…”
“Hey stop that Mister!” Ronnie spoke a little more abruptly than he intended. “If I say we’ll carry on then we’ll carry on, and if Don doesn’t like it, screw him, and if Kenney doesn’t like it...well screw him too!”
“But...Kenney’s your friend,” Steve said, a little confused. “Your best friend!”
“Yeah he’s my friend,” Ronnie agreed. “But you mean so much more to me Steve...I...I don’t even think I can live without you.” Ronnie sounded intensely passionate as he said these words, almost like he could hardly breathe.
“Really?” Steve asked, unable to believe what Ronnie was saying but at the same time glad he was saying it. “Would you sacrifice even your friendship with Kenney to be with me?”
“I would sacrifice everything,” Ronnie whispered, then he spoke in a normal voice, “but I won’t have to, because Don’s going to listen to me no matter what!”
“Well good luck with that,” Steve laughed a little at this, because when had Don ever really listened to them?
“He’ll listen to me,” Ronnie sounded confident at these words, then he smiled a devious smile which Steve thought was adorable. “In fact...he’ll have no choice but to listen to me.”
“W...why do you say that?” Steve asked in disbelief. “How can you be so sure that…”
Ronnie cut off whatever Steve was going to say next with a passionate kiss, which the younger man immediately became lost in. He had often wondered what it might be like to kiss Ronnie and now he had unexpectedly found out and it was even better than he imagined. Steve felt like he wanted to do nothing else ever again and felt reluctant to let go. Yet he knew he would have to eventually.
Ronnie pulled away from the kiss, looked him in the eyes and said gently, “Come on Steve, we’ve got to get out of this shit hole now and get this over with.”
Reluctantly, Steve took Ronnie’s hand as the latter led him out into the street, of course dropping hands as soon as they were in a more public place. Not that there were any people around at this moment in time as it was a fairly quiet street, but you never knew who could be looking out of a window and watching; the place was so full of nosey fuckers, Ronnie always thought.
The two walked along together, appearing once again like two friends who were hanging out together; no-one would have suspected that anything romantic had just happened between them a few minutes ago.
By the time the two arrived back at their hotel, Steve was longing to be able to hold Ronnie again, but had no idea when he would be able to do it and as the two walked up the steps leading to the hotel entrance, Steve’s heart skipped nervously as he had no idea who he was going to meet as he went inside. He was scared that Jimmy might come out and have something more to say. Or maybe Kenney had already been informed of the incident and would more than likely just take the piss but nothing more. Steve was in no way afraid of Kenney; there was just no reason to be. He was however, more than a little afraid of Don, though he was not quite sure why; just something about the man that he did not trust one hundred percent.
As he and Ronnie entered the hotel reception, without thinking, Steve nervously took hold of Ronnie’s arm, then quickly let go when he realised there was a woman behind the reception desk who briefly glanced up at them, smiled but then focused her attention back to whatever work she was doing.
Steve sighed as he realised he was silly to be so on edge when he had Ronnie with him.
“Come on let’s go upstairs for a bit,” Ronnie suggested, and Steve was of course, happy to do this.
The two made their way along the corridor leading to the stairs; they were just about to go up when suddenly, Steve felt someone roughly grab him by the arm and pull him back. It happened so instantly that the singer had no idea what was going on, then he heard Ronnie exclaim, “Oi Don, whaddya think ya doing?”
Steve should have known Don Arden would not be far away. Before he could do anything to protect himself, the band’s manager pulled him through a door and he found himself back in the ballroom where he had stupidly made a pass at Jimmy. Don did not seem to care that Ronnie quickly came in after them, demanding that their manager leave Steve alone or else.
“You dirty little cunt!” Don hissed, not showing one hint of compassion as a terrified Steve began to cry again before he could stop himself. “Yeah, I’ve not that long ago been talking to Jimmy haven’t I? Fuck...if you ever dare to pull a stunt like that again then I’ll personally…”
“LEAVE ‘IM ALONE DON!” Ronnie yelled at their manager, quickly pulling Steve into a hug to try and stop him crying. “Don’t you dare talk to Steve like that again! Who do you think you are?”
“WHAT THE…” Don began, looking unable to believe that Ronnie would take Steve’s side. “Do you even know what he did?”
“Yes I know what he did...so what?” Ronnie was so angry at Don’s bullying methods that he could not get the words out of his mouth properly. “Jimmy was...he was asking for it!” Ronnie said the last few words through clenched teeth. “We don’t need Jimmy anyway; let him go!”
Before Don could say anything else, it became clear that another person was in the room with them; they were interrupted by childish laughing. Looking around, Ronnie spotted Kenney, who had been sitting behind a curtain laughing his head off.
“What’s so funny Kenneth?” Ronnie demanded to know (he always called his friend ‘Kenneth’ when he was annoyed with him).
Kenney could not reply; he was laughing too hard and was unable to stop at that point and tears were forming in the young drummer’s eyes with uncontrollable laughter.
“You think this is a laughing matter Kenney Jones?” Don growled at the youngest band member. “‘Cos it’s fucking not okay!”
“S...s...sorry but...fuck…” The teenage drummer struggled to get his words out because he could not control his laughter. “I thought...I thought…”
“What did you think?” Ronnie sighed, feeling extremely annoyed with his laughing friend and still holding a now shaking Steve and once again trying to calm him down.
“I...I thought...Jimmy was lying!” Kenney managed to say, still rolling about with laughter and holding his sides because they hurt from laughing so hard.
“Well he wasn’t!” Don snapped. “It’s true, every word of what he said and now he’s left the building and probably won’t return.”
“I don’t care!” Ronnie said indignantly. “Let him go, never liked him much anyway, big headed little…”
“The question is, what are we going to do about it?” Don asked.
“Find someone else naturally!” Ronnie shrugged. “Someone with real talent who’ll compliment the band instead of trying to…”
“So we’ve got to find two new members...great!” Don sighed, placing his hands on his hips.
“Two new members?” Ronnie asked, confused. “We only need one new one actually.”
“I...I think...Don means he wants me to leave the band too,” Steve said in a small, tearful voice.
“Well obviously!” Don said, shaking his head. “We can’t have a qu…”
“Steve is staying!” Ronnie said, determined. “And don’t you even think about trying to talk me out of this Don Arden, don’t you dare! Because if Steve goes anywhere, I go too; you can’t afford to lose me, and also, I might not be able to keep my mouth shut any longer!”
Steve had no idea what Ronnie was talking about, but it must have been something pretty major, because Don’s face turned deathly pale as Ronnie said these words, “Now Ronnie,” Don whispered, his voice shaking with worry. “B...be reasonable please...y...you can’t expect to be able to keep Steve in the band now...I mean...it’s just not...come on...think of your career...and...and imagine what would happen to you and Kenney if word of this gets out...Ronnie please!”
Ronnie let Steve go and approached Don, sounding more confident than Steve thought he should have done, Ronnie simply said, “You will allow Steve to stay in the band, and you will help us find a talented organist and you will forget that any of this ever happened!”
“Or what?” Don whispered, the look on his face making Steve fairly sure that the manager was worried about Ronnie’s answer.
“Otherwise, I may not be able to keep quiet anymore about the things you’ve been up to lately,” Ronnie said calmly. “Also about the things you made me do just to earn myself a fucking living while you tried to get this band up and running!”
“What are you talking about Ronnie?” Steve asked, worried to death about what he was going to hear next.
“Never you mind!” Don said quickly before Ronnie could answer. “Y...you stay out of this Steve.”
Steve noticed now that Don had been reduced from a bully into a nervous wreck, as though he was terrified that at any second, Ronnie could reveal something that Don did not want anyone to know...but what was it? What could their manager have done that was so shocking that he may be prepared to allow a ‘queer’ to stay in the band and carry on as if nothing had ever happened? It looked very much like Don was not prepared to allow anything new to be revealed about himself...and so maybe there was hope of him staying in the band.
“Steve, Kenney,” Ronnie said suddenly. “Can you two please leave the room while I talk to Don in private? Steve go up to your hotel room if you like and wait for me; I won’t be long.”
“Why do you have to talk in private?” Kenney asked stubbornly. “What do have to talk about that can’t be said in front of us two?”
The drummer had stopped laughing now because, as immature as he could sometimes be, he realised that Ronnie and their manager had some suspicious secret between them and it worried him. What if it were to affect the band? What if it was something so bad that the Small Faces would never make it and he would be back to square one? With no money and stuck once again in a dead end job?
“It’s nothing to worry about Kenney I promise,” Ronnie reassured his friend and band mate. “I just want to sort a few things out with Don.”
“That’s fine I’ll go up to my room,” Steve agreed, not wanting to appear awkward when he was already in the doghouse. “Kenney are you coming?”
“No thanks,” Kenney snorted, getting up and making his way to the door. “Don’t want you coming onto me as well.”
“Don’t flatter yourself Kenneth!” Ronnie called after the drummer as he left.
Kenney quickly glanced behind him and said, “If anyone wants me I’ll be outside smoking a fag!” The teenager then stormed out.
Steve made his way up to the hotel room he was sharing with Kenney, and as soon as he shut the door, he collapsed onto his bed. He was too tired even to cry any more; he felt for now, he had used up all his tears. He wondered, now that Jimmy had gone, if Ronnie would let him share his room now, as it was obvious that Kenney was being funny with him and he was not prepared to put up with any jibes from the young lad. He was just too exhausted to worry about anything else, even though the thought of Don insisting that he leave the band despite Ronnie’s threats was still in the back of his mind, but for now, he needed to sleep.
Steve closed his eyes and within a minute, he found himself drifting off. For now, he just needed to forget everything until he had the energy to deal with it. It had been a strange day and it was not yet over; there was still the afternoon to get through and he had no idea what was going to happen now. The last person he thought of before he fell asleep was Mick; Steve hoped his brother was having a better time than him.
It did not seem like Steve had been sleeping for long and whatever he had been dreaming about, the singer was sure it had not been pleasant. The dream was not particularly vivid but he was fairly sure Don had been in the dream...he had a vague recollection of Don grabbing him and pushing him off a high building...Steve woke up with a jump. The dream was not the only thing that startled him; there was also a loud knock at the door, but at first, it did not register what it was; he had completely forgotten the time, as people often do when they take a small nap in the day.
As Steve was slow to respond to the knocking because he was confused and working out the time of day, there was an even louder bang on the door and the sound of someone shouting, “STEVE, STEVE ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?”
Steve’s heart jumped; it was Ronnie. He then remembered everything and what had happened earlier.
“W...what do you want?” Steve called out, feeling very tired and sounding ruder than he meant to, then he felt bad and quickly got up to open the door to his friend.
The look of relief on Ronnie’s face told Steve that for some reason, Ronnie had been worried about him. The bass player quickly entered the room, shut the door and pulled Steve into a tight hug, “Oh thank goodness Steve,” Ronnie said, refusing to let him go, Steve being unsure if he was enjoying it or not. However, Ronnie then began squeezing him and he felt he could not breathe, so Steve tried to wriggle his way out of his band mate’s arms.
“R...Ronnie...please...I can’t…” Steve struggled as he tried to get Ronnie to release his painful grip around his waist, then Ronnie realised what he was doing and quickly let go.
“Sorry Steve...so sorry I didn’t mean to hurt you!” Ronnie apologised. “I was just so worried...I...I had this horrible feeling you’d gone and done something stupid!”
“W...what do you mean?” Steve asked, totally confused.
“Never mind,” Ronnie sighed. “When you said you were going to your room, I didn’t think anything of it and then later...I was talking to Don and then I realised that you were looking really sad and then I got the horrible feeling you were gonna…”
“I was gonna...what?” Steve was puzzled.
“It doesn’t matter,” Ronnie said. “But if you ever feel like you want to...please don’t do it...I...I really couldn’t live without you Steve.”
As Ronnie’s eyes filled with tears, Steve suddenly realised what his friend was talking about; Ronnie thought he was going up to his room to kill himself, “Is that really what you thought?” Steve asked in disbelief. “You thought I was going to kill myself?”
“I didn’t think about it at first,” Ronnie sighed, aggressively wiping away his tears with the back of his hands, as though he was ashamed of them. “Then I remembered how down and depressed you looked and then it suddenly occurred to me that…” Ronnie trailed off, seemingly unable to say the rest.
“I just came up here to lie down for a bit that’s all,” Steve sighed, then Ronnie took his hand, but Steve, not really in the mood for any affection at the moment, rejected him and made his way back to the bed to sit down. Steve sighed again, then picking up his box of cigarettes on the bedside table asked, “So...how did your talk with Don go?”
“Well...actually, I have good news on that front,” Ronnie replied with a small smile, then came to sit down on the bed next to Steve, but not too close, as Steve clearly did not want any physical affection right now. “I...managed to persuade Don to let you stay...not that he really had much choice in the matter.”
“How do you mean?” Steve asked as he lit a cigarette and offered one to Ronnie.
Ronnie accepted the offer and replied, “He knows if you leave the band, I leave too and he knows this band’s nothing without me.”
“So...he’s okay with me staying?” Steve asked hopefully.
“Oh he’s far from okay with it,” Ronnie laughed sarcastically. “He’s not comfortable with it at all, but he owes me one big time after I...oh I’ll tell you about that another day but...well...me and Don have kind of...no we’ve definitely reached a compromise.”
“What’s the compromise?” Steve asked, looking and feeling worried.
“Nothing much,” Ronnie replied. “Well...not really but…”
“But what?” Steve asked.
“Don has asked that the songs we write and especially the songs you sing …” Ronnie sighed before he finished the sentence, “...have to be about girls...no gender neutral songs at all...or not too many anyway.”
Steve took a drag of his cigarette and thought about this for a few seconds; he supposed that was not such a bad thing, and after all, some of the songs he and Ronnie had written were indeed about girls, and in Ronnie’s case, they were not entirely fictional because Ronnie had indeed had girls in his life, and even though sometimes this did not sit right with Steve, he supposed he had to accept this. Steve nodded after thinking of all the pros and cons of this request from their manager, and although he felt slightly annoyed that Don deemed it necessary to dictate what they included in their songs, he agreed that this could work well for them, “Yeah...I suppose that’s not too bad,” Steve said, a blank expression on his face.
“But what about our other problem?” Ronnie asked him. “You know...what are we going to do about that?”
Even though Steve had a feeling he knew what Ronnie was really talking about, he quickly replied, “Well yeah...it’s...it’s just like you said, what we talked about before. We...find a new member for the group and see how it works out, what have we got to lo…”
“I think we both know that’s not what I was talking about,” Ronnie placed his hand on Steve’s shoulder, causing shivers to run up and down the younger man’s spine.
“Isn’t it?” Steve asked, trying to sound naive. “Oh…”
“What are we going to do about...you and me?” Ronnie asked him. “Seriously Steve, I know I’ve made my feelings for you perfectly clear but...I seriously want to know where we go from here.”
Unsure how to answer, Steve replied nervously, “Well...where...where do you want it to go from here?”
“You want my honest answer?” Ronnie asked him.
Steve nodded, feeling nervous and not quite knowing why.
“Well...my honest answer Steve,” Ronnie said, looking and sounding scared, “is that...I want you and me to be...a thing.”
“A thing?” Steve asked, fairly sure he knew what Ronnie meant but wanting his band mate to be more specific.
“I want us to be...more than friends Steve,” Ronnie said, placing his hand on Steve’s knee and stroking it, once again.
Steve’s heart began to race and felt he could hardly breathe, “Oh my life,” was all Steve could manage to whisper; he felt as though he was going to faint...in fact...he felt almost as though he was not really there...like he was floating...at least...that was the only way Steve was able to describe the feeling when he was telling his story years later.
Steve had no idea what to say, but he was overwhelmed enough to make Ronnie say to him, “I’m sorry Steve...I...I didn’t mean to frighten you.”
Steve took a deep breath, and replied as best he could, the words not coming out as normal as he was feeling so...on fire, “You...no...no...not frightened,” he managed to reply, almost as if he was hyperventilating. “It’s just,” Steve tried to compose himself enough to try and speak properly, “I’ve never...no-one’s ever...said that sort of thing to me before...you know and…you really want to be with me?”
“Yes,” Ronnie whispered, moving up closer to him and putting his arm around him. “Didn’t I tell you this out in that alleyway?”
“Y...yes you did,” Steve said, staring into space. “I...I feel the same way Ronnie really I do but...It’s just so unreal...I’ve never really known what...falling in love was actually like.” Steve looked at Ronnie all of a sudden. “I never imagined this feeling would be so wonderful...yet so...scary too.”
“Why scary?” Ronnie asked.
“Well because...we’re both...male,” Steve said. “We...we can’t tell anyone about it or we...well...it’s against the law.”
“I know,” Ronnie agreed. “But I’ve never loved anyone the way I love you...and...feeling like this...is so wonderful, and I don’t think I’d change it if I could.”
“No...I don’t think I would either,” Steve said. “But can it really work?”
Ronnie smiled and stroked Steve’s hair, and with a mischievous look said, “Well...I suppose...where there’s a will, there’s a way.”
Steve laughed at what Ronnie had said, though he did not know why he was laughing, but there was always something about Ronnie that made Steve smile. He had found a friend in the bassist that seemed to fill the empty hole that Mick always left behind, and it was only now that Steve was starting to get used to not having Mick around like he used to be. He still could not believe all that had happened that day, and he would not be able to take in how his life was going to go from here in weeks to come, but all Steve knew was that, even though some things about today had been pretty scary, it finally looked as though the rest of the day would be all right.
Now that he fully knew the reason why Ronnie had been so funny with him the past few weeks, Steve felt he was finally starting a new chapter in his life and he was now looking forward to the time he would spend with Ronnie, and he hoped it would not end anytime soon.
Steve felt a warm glow inside of him as he looked at Ronnie, the bassist looking at him with love in his eyes, “I love you,” Steve whispered, still barely able to breathe or speak properly, and for the next few days he would feel pretty overwhelmed with everything.
“I love you too,” Ronnie whispered back, then after pausing for a second, the bassist leaned forward and kissed Steve, who did not resist. In that moment, it felt like they were the only two people in the world.
Chapter 29
Summary:
Mick is worried about Steve, maybe unnecessarily...but he's worried for his beloved brother anyway...but soon finds comfort with his lovely Dave.
Notes:
Thanks for waiting patiently for this latest chapter. I want to try and make the next one as long as I normally do.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Love me til the sun shines
Chapter 29
Mick could not help but feel deep concern as he got off the phone to Steve after talking with him for at least half an hour. His brother had just told him that his band mate, Jimmy Winston had walked out on the Small Faces, but Steve had refused to give a reason other than that it was not working with Jimmy and not to ask him any more questions about it.
Mick had sensed that this subject upset Steve to talk about, so as usual, Mick blamed himself even though it was in no way his fault.
Before their conversation had turned to the subject of the Small Faces, things had been lovely between the two, with Mick telling Steve about how things had gone with the tour and how he was loving it. Steve had sounded exceptionally happy listening to what Mick was telling him. Their conversation had been wonderful, and Mick had been over the moon just to hear Steve’s voice as he was missing him so much, even with Dave to keep him company.
He blamed himself for simply asking Steve how it was going with the band, and how his band mates were; that was when his brother had gone silent for a few seconds, then had awkwardly replied, “Umm...yeah...good...well...getting there I think.”
The muttering sound of Steve’s voice did not sound as enthusiastic as Mick would have hoped...in fact the drummer had sensed that Steve had something on his mind, and for that reason, Mick had then asked him if everything was okay. That was when Steve had awkwardly replied that Jimmy had left and that tomorrow they were meeting up with this new guy that Don had found for them.
Now the drummer was kicking himself for ruining the mood; it was obvious that Steve had preferred listening to Mick talk about the Kinks rather than talking about his own band.
After Steve had begged Mick not to ask any more questions about Jimmy’s departure, and not wanting to risk upsetting his brother further, Mick had then decided (as he was running out of coins for the pay phone) to close their conversation with a promise to come and visit him as soon as he got home (he had already sent several postcards to Steve, who had thanked Mick for them at the beginning of the phone call).
Saying, ‘I love you’ to one another as they always did, the conversation had then finished.
Mick felt sad and confused as he made his way back to the table in the Norwegian cafe, where his band mates and their tour manager were sitting with hot drinks and eating cake. He was glad he had already eaten his own cream cake before making the call to Steve, otherwise he knew he would not be able to eat anything; he never was able to eat much when he was feeling sad or worried. Mick wanted to talk to his boyfriend alone, but knew that would be near impossible...unless he asked Dave if he wanted to come and share a cigarette...but Dave was busy stuffing apple cake into his mouth and did not look as though he wanted to leave the table any time soon. Ray and Pete were deep in conversation as usual and did not notice him, which Mick was fine with because he did not really want anyone asking how his phone call went.
No, he just wanted to confide in Dave, to spend time with his lover, not just because he wanted to talk about Steve, but because he wanted to get Dave alone anyway. The two had not had a chance to be alone together for the past few days because of the band being so busy doing interviews, concerts, television appearances and photo shoots for several magazines. Even when they went to bed, they were simply too tired to spend any intimate time together.
Feeling anxious about his brother and hoping that Dave would finish his cake soon, Mick looked out at the Fjord that stretched out as far as he could see, thinking of all they had done on this tour, and they still had a way to go yet before it was through.
After leaving London, the Kinks had begun their European tour in Paris, and on arriving there, had been greeted by fans who would have done anything to see their favourite band up close, but luckily for the boys, security managed to keep these fan girls under control. The boys had signed a few autographs and agreed to have photos taken with some of them, which was kind of them because after their flight, they had really just wanted to get to their hotel and relax before the concert the following day. Some of these girls had tried to speak to them in French; luckily they were able to speak English when they realised the boys were not fluent in their language.
Being in Paris had on the whole been an enjoyable experience; they got a chance to see the sights there, as well as playing the concert they had travelled there to perform. They experienced no problems there and when they left, had looked forward to their next destination, Luxembourg. There, they gave an interview on the radio station they all listened to back in the UK, feeling so strange to actually be at Radio Luxembourg. Ray had hoped that his girlfriend Emma and sister Lorna would be listening, and there was a good chance they would have been, because they had both promised him they would try and tune in.
After Luxembourg, they had then travelled on to Brussels in Belgium, where they gave another sensational performance, but they did not like the hotel they stayed in; it was dirty, the food was awful and the staff were rude. Ray had even felt like doing the do you even know who I am thing to the hotel manager, but decided against it because what was the point? They were after all, not the Beatles, who had just about become famous worldwide over night.
Though they met some agreeable people while in Brussels who immediately knew who they were, the hotel had ruined it for them. For this reason, none of the band were sorry to leave and travel on to Cologne in Germany where a completely unexpected party was thrown for the boys, which they suspected Robert was behind. The manager was desperately trying to get Mick and Dave to pull some girls, but strangely, for some reason none of them could fathom, that was just not happening.
Of course, Mick and Dave knew the real truth to this, but it was frustrating and almost heartbreaking that they could not reveal their true selves and their relationship to their band mates or anyone else, for fear of being publicly persecuted.
While the party was going on, their tour manager introduced them to the most stunning girls there, and even though Mick was flattered that these girls were so friendly and seemed to like him so much, he had no desire to sleep with them; his heart...and his body belonged only to Dave, who he would never betray no matter what.
Mick envied Ray and Pete, who had an excuse for turning down the advances of these girls, (who Mick was so sure had been chosen for this party) because they both had girlfriends. Mick would also have done anything for himself and Dave to get away from the party and escape somewhere together, but he did not want to come across as rude...so he had had to endure this party until luckily, something happened just after eleven that evening that had given the drummer the perfect excuse for leaving. Dave suddenly passed out on the dance floor as some almost naked girls started to dance along with him.
Mick had been in no way happy about what was going on...he truly felt embarrassed both for Dave and for himself...luckily that was when it had happened; suddenly, without warning, his boyfriend collapsed in the middle of dancing to the Beatles’ She loves you. Even though Mick was concerned for Dave, he was also (and he felt incredibly guilty about this) relieved that he had the perfect excuse to get away from the girl who had been flirting away at him. She had also been suggesting that they should slip away for an hour or two.
Mick had found it frustratingly hard to get to his lover, because the girls who had been dancing with him had screamed as soon as they realised what had happened and had all flocked around him. Mick remembered how one of them had been silly enough to think that Dave was dead, but Mick managed to push through the crowd of what must have been at least fifteen who were all hovering around the young guitarist. There was a good chance Dave might have suffocated if Mick had not pushed them out of the way to get to him. Luckily, the girls cooperated when Mick kindly asked them to give Dave some room to breathe.
A doctor was promptly called out, Dave was taken to his room and Mick, who was extremely worried about his boyfriend, went along with him.
Once Dave had been checked over and was found to be completely fine, (in fact when he really came to, he did not seem at all intoxicated) the two of them were left alone. This was when Mick asked Dave what he thought had caused him to faint.
That was when Dave had shocked Mick by saying to him, “Don’t worry Mick, I’m fine; I only pretended to faint so we could get away from that party.”
Mick did not know whether to be angry with Dave for making him worry unnecessarily, relieved that nothing more serious was wrong with him or happy that Dave so badly wanted to be alone with him that he would do something as crazy as what he did.
In the end, Mick chose to be happy and, completely unknown to everyone at the party, the two had spent the next three hours or so making love. Why not? They knew they had to grasp every opportunity they could, because they never knew when they could be caught and exposed...even though they did their best to keep their relationship a secret, they never knew when one wrong move could give the game away. That night had been the best part of Mick’s time in Cologne...and indeed, his best time on the whole tour so far.
They had then travelled on to Berlin and Hamburg, then leaving Germany and moving on to Copenhagen, then Gothenburg. All of these places had been great fun, but pretty uneventful compared to Cologne.
Even though Mick was glad that the band were kept busy with all their promotional work and concerts (giving him and Dave more excuses not to be ‘getting laid’ as they were constantly being pressured to do by everyone around them apart from Ray and Pete, who were too busy missing their girlfriends to care and they were not like that anyway), it also meant that yet again the two of them barely got time to be alone together.
Both Mick and Dave always thought that travelling together would mean being together, but sadly that was not the case, at least not in the way they would have liked. At times, neither of them could wait to get back to London and be in their flat, which Dave had comically nicknamed ‘Spunkers Squalor’. There, they could at least be alone together and do whatever they wanted without a single person finding out. Somehow, their flat seemed to be their comfort zone where they could shut the door on the world and pretend they were the only two people who existed. Ray and Pete did not seem in the least bit interested in what either of them did when they were not doing ‘Kinks stuff’, probably because they were both too busy living their own lives.
The only person the secret lovers really worried about was Robert, who they felt was watching their every move and seemed keen to interrogate them, although they always came up with an excuse which soon shut their irritating manager up...for now.
Mick was suddenly brought back into the present by a hand on his shoulder; he jumped as he had not been expecting that at all. It was Dave; realising who it was made Mick’s heart skip a beat.
“What’s wrong?” The younger man asked tenderly. “You go and make a phone call and you come back looking like someone’s died.”
“No-one’s died,” Mick said, not immediately getting the joke...then blushed as he realised what he had just said; this caused them both to laugh.
“I know that no-one’s died,” Dave chuckled, rolling his eyes. “But why are you so gloomy?”
“I’m not gloomy!” Mick almost snapped, then sighed. “I’m just worried.”
“About what?” The younger man asked, sitting down next to him. “Talk to me Mick.”
Mick looked over at their band mates, who did not seem to have noticed that Dave had gone over to Mick. Their tour manager had now left the table to go and make a phone call; Mick guessed that he was calling Robert to talk about him. He then decided that as he had been wanting to talk to Dave anyway, now would be as good a time as any.
“Can we go outside for a bit then?” Mick asked, smiling weakly. “We could share a cigarette.”
“Of course, anything for you,” Dave agreed with a cheeky grin. “I don’t think we’re leaving here yet anyway so we’ve got a bit of time.”
The two made their way out of the cafe, still unnoticed by Ray and Pete, and disappeared round a corner where they hoped nobody would come and find them.
As soon as they were sure they were alone, Dave put his hand on Mick’s arm and asked him, “What’s going on?”
Mick sighed and leaned against the wall, “Steve’s having a few problems by the sound of it, and he won’t tell me what’s wrong.”
Dave looked at his boyfriend as if he was weird, “Steve’s a big boy isn’t he? Can’t he sort out his own problems? Especially as you’re away.”
“I asked him how his band was doing,” Mick continued. “He said he didn’t want to talk about it. I asked him why, he said that Jimmy had walked out on them. Again I asked him why; he wouldn’t tell me.”
“O...kay,” Dave said slowly, still not quite understanding why Mick would concern himself so much with something he could not control. “Why wouldn’t he tell you?”
“I don’t know!” Mick exclaimed. “Steve always tells me whatever’s bothering him but today he just...he refused to tell me anything, which is very unlike him; we’ve always told one other everything before!”
“Mick, calm down babe,” Dave said, gripping Mick’s hand as a way of comfort. “This really shouldn’t be a big deal; me and Ray are proper brothers and we don’t tell each other everything.”
“You and Ray don’t even like each other,” Mick sighed, exasperated. “Me and Steve are soulmates pretty much...and it’s my fault Steve got upset.”
“How was it your fault Mick?” Dave asked, confused. “I don’t understand!”
“I was the one who asked him about his band, how he was doing,” Mick said sadly. “He was happy until I brought up the Small Faces.”
Dave could not believe what he was hearing, in fact he was lost for words, but knew he had to say something, “Mick...of course you’re going to ask him how his band is...you’re kind of...his family. You care about him...why wouldn’t you ask?”
“I know, I know,” Mick covered his face with his hands, then ran his fingers through his hair in frustration and anguish. “But he was so happy before I asked him how he was doing.”
Dave shook his head in utter disbelief at the way Mick blamed himself for Steve’s change in attitude, “Mick...why the hell would you blame yourself for Steve being upset? How were you to know what’s been going on with his band...or that he would get so upset?”
“I didn’t know of course,” Mick replied, looking and sounding as if he was going to cry. “I phoned Steve because I missed him and wanted to hear his voice; I wanted us to talk and I ended up making him upset.”
“You didn’t make him upset!” Dave said, exasperated. “He obviously chose to get upset. I don’t even know Steve and I don’t know this Jimmy either, but things like that happen in bands all the time as you well know. Obviously they’ve had a disagreement and they couldn’t sort it out like adults so one of them left, simple as. It’s only natural that you’re going to ask how his band’s going; if he chooses to react like that, that’s his problem.”
“We were fine before I mentioned it,” Mick said in a quiet voice. “He was happy when I talked about myself, he wanted to hear about me and the tour...then I go and ruin it by…”
“Okay stop, MICK STOP!” Dave exclaimed. “For fuck’s sake just stop...you haven’t done ANYTHING WRONG!”
Mick looked at his boyfriend with sad, almost tearful eyes, “You think so?” He asked quietly.
“Course ya fucking haven’t you idiot!” Dave took Mick’s face in his hands to comfort him and make him stop thinking so low of himself. “Look, Steve’s probably pissed off over whatever happened with this...what’s his name...Jimmy. They probably had a really big fight okay...and he’s just not in the mood to talk about the Small Faces right now. It’s probably all going to blow over and when he’s calmed down he’ll probably tell you what happened. Stop worrying; you can’t control everything that happens in Steve’s life, and you’re not responsible for his well being.”
“I just care about him so much you know,” Mick sighed. “He and I go back a long way and...I just want to know he’s all right and for him to know that there’s always someone out there who cares about him, and I wouldn’t want him to ever think that...well...that I don’t love him as much as I ever did. We...we promised each other that no matter how far away from each other we end up, and no matter how long it is before we see each other...well...I’m always here for him, and he is for me too and...my brother means everything to me, that’s why I agreed to do this…” Mick held out his right hand, revealing a small scar in the middle of his palm. Dave looked at it, mesmerised, wondering why he had never noticed this before, yet he was also shocked. Why would Mick want to give himself a scar?
“It’s a sign of brotherhood,” Mick smiled as Dave held his hand and looked at the scar, stroking it gently. “It’s a sign that...no matter how far away we are from each other, no matter how long, the bond we have can never be broken. Sometimes it’s almost like I can feel the scar burning and it makes me think something bad might be happening to Steve. Well the burning feeling happened while we were in France; I was worried then and I had no way of getting in touch with him. Then I thought maybe it was just me being paranoid and worried about nothing. I couldn’t say anything to any of you guys because you’d think I was crazy...or just overtired or something, but I couldn’t stop worrying about him no matter how hard I tried. So I called Rachel every chance I could, because I knew that if anything really bad happened to my brother, she would certainly hear about it...but she said he was fine, just busy. So then I felt silly and decided to stop worrying and just enjoy the tour, and enjoy being with you of course...then I decided to call Steve today...and I almost wish I hadn’t.”
Dave took in what his lover was telling him, nodded his head sympathetically, not quite knowing what to make of it, or what to say to make Mick feel better. He wanted to be able to take away Mick’s pain. He felt he should be the one person who would know what to say and do to make it all right again; he felt useless to think he could not help Mick. He kissed the drummer’s hand as he desperately tried to think of something to say.
“I’m sorry Mick,” Dave murmured, holding the drummer’s hand against his cheek.
“It’s not your fault,” Mick sighed with a sad smile. “I don’t suppose you worry this much about Ray?”
Dave once again looked at his lover as though he had gone mad, gave him a ‘yeah right’ look, which caused them both to laugh, then Dave cupped Mick’s face in his hands and murmured, “I love you,” before kissing him passionately.
Mick did not resist; in truth, he had needed this kind of intimacy with Dave since their night in Cologne. Now he was finally getting it, so he began to relax once more and forget about all his problems, and there were quite a few for him to be had. Not only was he worried about Steve, but also about what might happen if he and Dave were found out...although sometimes, as much as he kind of enjoyed the sneaking around just because of how romantic it seemed, he almost wished somebody would catch them. Their relationship could then be out in the open, then he and Dave would no longer have to make up excuses about why they were still ‘single’ or why they never got laid.
Of course on the other hand, their music careers could well be over and they could find themselves in prison. Mick knew they could never allow being caught to happen, because of the severe consequences, but he forgot about everything now, and just enjoyed the kiss he was sharing with Dave. He savoured the warmth of his lover’s mouth, whilst also enjoying the feeling of Dave’s arms around his waist.
After a couple of minutes, Dave slowly pulled away, causing Mick to whine a little because he did not want them to stop and he begged Dave to continue.
“Come this way,” Dave whispered. “Let’s go somewhere a bit more secluded; someone could come round here any minute and see us.”
Mick saw Dave’s point, and so took his boyfriend’s hand as Dave led him round the back of the building where there were no windows and so there was no danger of anyone looking out and seeing them. There was also an amazing view of the fjord.
“This is a bit more private,” Dave whispered, and pressed his lips against Mick’s once more.
Mick once again melted into the kiss, imagining and almost believing that they were the only two people in the world. No-one else mattered, no-one else belonged in their little world. As Mick let his tongue slide into Dave’s open mouth, the drummer felt Dave’s hard-on against his leg, which sent shivers up and down his spine. He began to feel aroused himself and he pulled Dave’s body close to him. Mick leaning against the wall, Dave rubbing himself against Mick. Mick grabbing Dave’s arse, gripping it tight and massaging it with his hands.
The drummer had never allowed Dave to fuck him before; after getting raped, he had been quite determined that he would not let any man enter him in that way ever again...but that was before. Was he prepared to let Dave fuck him? He certainly began to feel as if he wanted that to happen...but he was scared.
Dave was different to anyone he had met before, and Dave had hinted that he wanted to be the dominant one for once...but so far, Mick had only ever allowed Dave’s finger and tongue in there, as it was soft and warm and felt nice against his hole...but what would Dave’s dick feel like inside him?
Mick became nervous as his younger lover touched him intimately. He felt butterflies as Dave got hold of the flies of his trousers, but before undoing them, Dave whispered, “Come over here.”
Dave led him further out into some long grass. It was so long in fact, that there was probably no chance of anyone seeing them, and besides, it was getting dark, so it was unlikely anyone would be taking a walk around here. The two collapsed onto the soft grass, kissing passionately, no longer caring how messy they were going to look when they went back to their band mates as they would be sure to find an excuse anyway. Dave, who was on top, undid Mick’s trousers, pulled them down halfway and placed his hand inside his shirt, feeling the drummer’s warm, soft skin. Mick loved to feel Dave’s hands exploring him, and loved it even more when the guitarist rubbed himself against his body, their erections touching each other.
Dave’s right hand found it’s way to Mick’s left nipple, and, he tweaked it ever so gently, causing a gasp of delight to escape Mick’s mouth. The guitarist then used both his hands to play with both of Mick’s nipples, making Mick’s erection ever harder, and giving Dave reason to place his mouth over the drummer’s member. As Dave began sucking Mick off, the drummer grabbed hold of the grass that was around him and threw back his head as he felt lightning travel all over his body. He could feel the tip of his member at the back of his lover’s throat. He looked up at the sky and could hear moans of ecstasy coming from his own mouth. How he had lived without this much pleasure for so long he did not know, but Dave pleased him in a way he never thought possible. How the younger man had learned to do these things he did not know...and perhaps he simply had no desire to know. All that mattered was that his life had never been truly complete without Dave in it. He had needed Dave so much; Dave had probably needed him. In moments like these when they were together, all of Mick’s worries would fade away.
Dave had never in his life imagined that having a hard cock down his throat would be so satisfying. It was even more amazing than when his own cock had been down some girl’s throat back in his adolescence...sure he enjoyed that; it was nice, it was fun, it was pleasurable and he never failed to come...but he had always refused to return the favour for any of his girlfriends. Sure, he had been without a doubt into girls, but there had always been something...icky, not right about sticking his tongue inside a girl’s vagina and licking her out. Fucking a girl, he had never had a problem with, but he had tried giving a girl oral sex a couple of times and for some reason he just did not like it.
For some reason, sucking a man off was different...well...not just any man, no it had to be Mick. There was something about having his mouth full of cock...but only Mick’s cock...that was...just fucking electrifying. It was like sucking a lollypop...only better. He loved the taste of Mick’s shaft as he explored it with his tongue, he loved the feeling of Mick’s cock at the back of his throat. He also loved the softness of Mick’s balls as he played with them with his right hand, his left hand remained inside Mick’s shirt, moving constantly from one nipple to the other. This was the closest to heaven he had ever been. This was the happiest he had ever been.
Notes:
Please feel free to leave me a comment on all you have read so far. I have so many plans for this story which as I may have said before I dreamed up before I knew I was going to write it. It's my baby and I want to thank all who have supported me in writing this one and my other two stories, thanks for being there when I thought I might need to stop writing. I only wish this story was real.
Chapter 30
Summary:
Steve is missing Mick and feeling bad for his coldness towards him last time they spoke on the phone, and he's not the only one thinking about Mick.
Kate McLaren moves to London.
Lorna finally moves out of her parents' house after not only having had enough of her mother's malice, but not before hearing a shocking revelation from Ann.
Notes:
Thanks to all who have waited patiently for this update. Sorry it has taken a while and I have already kind of started chapter 31. This is quite a milestone chapter for me and I am telling you now there will be at least another thirty chapters before this epic is finished...possibly more. Once again I am keen to stress that this is a work of fiction and Ray and Dave's mother was not really a narcissistic bitch, this is why in this story I have chosen to call her Ann rather than Annie. Some true events are included in this story, one of them being that Ray and Dave did indeed have six older sisters and one of them died young. However I'm not sure how she really died but she was not called Mary. Also Lorna and Pattie are not their real sisters either, they are OCs of mine. The only real sister I mentioned in this story so far is Rosie and I may later mention two more of their real sisters but not decided which ones yet. Anyway hope you enjoy the chapter and please think of this story as AU as most of the events are untrue although I really do wish Mick and Dave were an item.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Love me til the sun shines
Chapter 30
Over the next few weeks, Steve began to feel terrible about that telephone conversation with his brother. Mick had sounded so sad when their phone call ended, and Steve desperately wanted to see the drummer again. He missed him like crazy and was desperate for him to come home so they could have a catch up.
Even though he had Ronnie and the Small Faces to keep him sane, Mick was never far from his thoughts. What made it worse was, Steve knew that he and the band were going to be busy for a while, so even when the Kinks returned from their tour, it could become quite difficult to find the time to see Mick. He knew however that when they were to meet up again, whenever that was going to be, the first thing Steve would do would be to give Mick a big hug and tell him how sorry he was to have been so off with him.
Part of him wanted to tell Mick about his secret relationship with Ronnie, but how could he? There was no way he could tell anyone. Mick would never accept it...right? Even though Ronnie had already told him that if Mick was any kind of a brother, he would love him unconditionally and never disown him. Besides, Mick just did not seem the disowning type, his mother being an exception of course, but all the same, Steve did not feel able to tell Mick or anyone else about him and Ronnie. There was no predicting how anyone reacted to this sort of thing, and as it was against the law, that made the problem ten times worse. Still, Mick had always said he would love Steve as he was, for all his flaws, for all his imperfections...would this be any different? Steve never thought he would keep any secret from Mick; they had always told each other everything. He hated to think he had to keep this from his beloved brother, his closest friend...but did he have any choice?
Steve lay back on the sofa and sighed. Why did his life have to be so complicated? He had asked Ronnie this question only the other night; Ronnie had simply shrugged and said, “Yeah but it would be boring as fuck if everything was straightforward babe.”
The Small Faces had not long since moved into a flat together. At the moment, there were just three of them as Jimmy had moved out, determined he wanted nothing more to do with any of them. Ronnie had certainly not been sorry that he had gone. Kenney still found the whole thing hilarious, which was annoying in a way, and a relief in another because at least that meant he would not have to worry about Kenney reporting him. Of course, Kenney had heard from Don all that had happened with Steve so knew of his band mate’s sexuality but still had no idea about him and Ronnie, so they had to be careful whenever their drummer was around. Still, Kenney was not there a lot of the time, so they often found they had the place to themselves.
It was just past ten in the morning; Ronnie had gone out to the shop to buy a few things that were needed. Kenney was still in bed after being out quite late the previous night, and Steve did not want to know what he had been up to or where he had been. The singer was glad to have some peace and quiet; it gave him time to think, and thinking had been something he had done a lot since the Jimmy incident and since getting with Ronnie.
The truth was, he found he had very strong feelings for his secret lover, even more so than he realised before, but sometimes, the way Ronnie touched him made him feel...not uncomfortable exactly, but somehow...a little nervous. It was as if Ronnie was hinting that he wanted something, but was too afraid to tell him exactly what.
Whenever Kenney was out of the flat, Ronnie would sneak into Steve’s room, or vice versa, and they would spend ages on the bed, talking, passionately kissing. It was nice that Ronnie cared so much for him; the tender words his band mate said to him set his heart on fire. He had never felt so wanted and loved in his life, but what was Ronnie after when he told him that he wanted their relationship to be serious? Steve assumed they were already very serious, so how else could he prove to Ronnie that he reciprocated the bassist’s feelings? Was he missing something? Was there something he was supposed to do that Ronnie was too embarrassed to mention?
Steve was certainly confused by it all. He enjoyed the tender moments he shared with Ronnie, but he sensed that Ronnie wanted something more, and when his boyfriend got back, he was going to find out what that was.
At the Cadywood household in Manor Park, Amy Pine was beginning to feel more like a young lady and less of a little girl with every passing day, especially since turning fourteen. She was beginning to notice boys and as a result, she began to take better care of her appearance, not that her looks really needed any improvement because she was pretty and she knew it.
Her biggest problem, as well as having no mother and having to live away from her father, only seeing him once a week, was the boy who had caught her attention. The problem was he was not exactly a boy, he was a grown man, therefore too old for her and way out of her league. It was unlikely that Mick Avory knew she existed in that way, and Amy was particularly dreading the day when he was to bring home a girlfriend to introduce her to everyone; she knew that when that day came, which it probably would, she would be heartbroken no matter how much she prepared herself for it.
Still, Mick was all she had been able to think about since meeting him. She remembered how overwhelmed she had been with how gorgeous he was and how hard it had been for her to hide how he was making her feel; she truly had never seen a man like him in all of her short life and did not suppose she ever would again. She knew she was expected to look upon Mick as a brother if anything, but it was not possible for her to simply think of him in this way; he was not her brother and never would be.
The teenage girl was desperate to see the Kinks’ drummer again, and was even counting down the days when Mick’s band were to return from tour and he was to come and visit them, which he had promised. What made Amy feel even more special was the fact she was now in the bedroom that Mick had once slept in...it even smelled of Mick!
Rachel had said that as she was currently the only girl in her care, she could sleep in Mick’s old room at the front of the house away from the two troublesome brothers, Tommy and Freddy, who were also staying there for the time being. They were harmless enough little boys but so loud, noisy and strong willed; Amy was grateful to be allowed a break from them of an evening and at the weekend when they always went to visit their grandmother.
Last night was the second night that Amy had spent in this room, in the same bed that Mick used to sleep in. She was still not used to the wonderful scent that Mick had left behind; she was not sure she ever would be. She lay her head on the pillow and once again glanced at the calendar that was pinned on the wall beside her...and her heart skipped a beat as she realised it was only a week to go before she would see her gorgeous Mick again. Amy got up and made her way over to look in the mirror on the wall beside the door. She was pretty, and Amy was unusual in the fact that she was aware of her striking features, but did she look good enough for Mick to see her? She knew only too well that she would be up against many stunning girls who were bound to be throwing themselves at the drummer.
Who wouldn’t? She thought to herself. Even if I was old enough to date Mick, I still don’t know if he would think of me in that way, and knowing my luck, some other, more glamorous girl will have caught his eye by now.
If she put on some make up, perfume, more grown up clothes and some high heels so she looked less like a schoolgirl, would he notice her? Amy sighed. Who was she kidding. Mick was by now bound to have met any number of beautiful young ladies who were the right age for him, so why would he want to be with a kid like her? Amy’s heart sank as she thought of the grown women Mick would probably want to be with. She hated being so young, she longed to be older and she longed for Mick to notice her in a different way to how he probably would.
For weeks she had dreamed of him. For weeks she had imagined that Mick was in her bed, holding her, kissing her, making love to her. She had written about the drummer in her diary, every dream she had had about him, and every fantasy that occupied her thoughts day and night.
Yet Amy knew deep down that Mick would never be hers. She knew that every dream and every fantasy would never come true. It did not matter how pretty she was; Mick would never be interested...still it did not stop her from dreaming and fantasising all the same; she could not help it, she could not help but want him.
Amy gazed at her own reflection. She was not overly vain but she was very happy with her appearance. Her nut brown hair complimented her hazel eyes and her figure was becoming more womanly with curves in all the right places. Even though she stood little chance with the drummer, was it really so impossible for Mick to notice her? It certainly would not hurt to make the effort to enhance her looks for when he was around; with some makeup and the right clothes, she could easily pass for seventeen at least. She hoped her parcel would arrive in good time for Mick’s visit. Amy had sent away for a makeup set she had been saving up for since she had first met the drummer and she already had a special bottle of perfume in her drawer that she had decided to only use for special occasions and when Mick was around, because she did not wish to waste it on anything or anyone else.
She supposed it was not only about looks though; Mick was an exceptionally nice young man, so she was determined to act like a lady when he was here.
Anyway, she still had a week to go and she had plenty of time to practice what she was going to say to him. For today, she was spending time with her dad who she hoped would not let her down this time and that he would turn up to see her. After deciding she was presentable enough, she left the room, knowing she would be thinking of Mick all day.
Elsewhere, after a long train journey from Manchester, Kate McLaren alighted the train at St Pancras station along with her four year old daughter Emily and her cat Willow, who had had no desire to stay behind at the traveller’s site with Kate’s parents, also Kate could not bear to leave her beloved pet behind anyway. There was no reason a cat could not live in London, especially as Willow was great at keeping mice and rats in check and there would be plenty of those to find in the city.
Kate’s life had taken an unexpected turn and she had landed a modelling contract. At first, she had been extremely reluctant and her first answer was no way; such an offer was too good to be true, but her friends and even her parents begged her to change her mind and after much persuasion that she and Emily would have a far better life, she had decided to give it a go and now she was here. She was excited, and had no idea whatsoever of the people she would meet or the things she would do.
Kate held onto Emily’s hand, and with her cat on her shoulder, she wheeled her suitcase behind her, ignoring the stares she knew she was getting. She seriously could not work out what was wrong with people that they should stare at someone just because they had a cat with them; people took their dogs out all the time so what was the difference? Still, other people’s opinions of her were none of her business, and chances were, with the sexy way she was also dressed, men were eyeing her up right now, and the women who were giving her dirty looks were more than likely just jealous and felt threatened by her presence.
She gave these people no more thought, because she was used to being talked about and stared at back in Manchester. She quickly hid Willow in her large handbag, leaving it open to ensure the cat could breathe, and she and Emily made their way to where some taxis were parked. They were soon on their way to their new destination. Little did Kate know just how much her life was going to change.
Years later, Kate always said that although not everything that happened to her was particularly wonderful and she was not proud of everything she did, she did not regret a single moment of her time in London, which changed her life.
Back in Muswell Hill, at the Davies home on Denmark Terrace, Lorna finally decided one day that enough was enough and she was not going to let Ann treat her like shit anymore or get away with doing so. It took a huge revelation to make her realise that her mother had never cared for her at all, but all the same, it meant that she finally saw sense. Although Lorna knew she might be making a rash decision in moving in with her boyfriend Ginger Baker, who she had only been seeing a matter of months and was unsure how she felt about him, she decided she needed to get away from her toxic mother once and for all and at the moment, this was the only way.
At any rate, she enjoyed Ginger’s company and he had treated her far better in the short time she had got to know him than her own mother had done her entire life. Sure, he had his faults, such as drinking heavily sometimes, getting into fights when drunk and looking at other women thinking she would not notice, but apart from that, he was very good to her and it was obvious he genuinely cared about her. Ginger had also sensed from the beginning what her mother was like. This was one of the reasons why he had asked if she wanted to move in with him some weeks ago, but Lorna had then refused because they had not long known each other and she knew her father would not be happy. She was now twenty-one however, so neither of her parents legally had any say what she did anymore.
There was also the issue that the relationship may not work out and then she would be back to square one of living at home and putting up with Ann’s abuse. It was not just wanting to get away from her mother that made her change her mind about living with Ginger. She had secretly got herself an evening job just three days a week at a pub near her boyfriend’s home as well as working in Muswell Cafe during the day. She had told only Ray about this and made him promise not to tell anyone, not even Dave...no, especially not Dave. She did not want news of her second job getting back to their mother, who would demand she handed over the wages she earned from that job too. Lorna did not realise just how much Dave had changed and so she still did not trust her youngest brother one hundred percent.
The main reason she had got this job as a barmaid, was so she could afford to do the college course she had seen advertised in a newspaper she had looked at while at Ginger’s house one weekend. It was a needlework course, something which she had always been interested in, but her mother had never bothered teaching her. It was her sister Mary who had shown her how to do cross stitching and tapestries, which Lorna had found so relaxing and was a great way to stop her from being bored and from overthinking. Trouble was if she told her mother about the course she wanted to do, Ann would only criticise and put her down for it, telling her she would be useless at it. Lorna really wanted to learn however, so she had said nothing to her mother, only to Ray before he left to go on tour, who was happy for her and promised to keep everything to himself.
Still, putting her new relationship, her secret second job at the pub and going to college aside, what pushed Lorna to finally decide she needed to leave home was the day she got home from work after a tiring day, to be confronted by Ann as she walked in.
Mrs Davies was in a fit of rage. At first, Lorna assumed her mother was upset with someone else, as she had been out all day and so could not possibly be the reason for Ann’s bad mood...but then she remembered, this was her mother, so of course she herself could well be the problem. Ann Davies had certainly had some hissy fits in her time, but never before had Lorna walked in the door to be greeted by a hard slap across the face. Yes her mother had hit her many times as a child, but the reason this time completely took the biscuit and caused Lorna to finally lose it. It turned out the reason for Ann’s fury was nothing more than a dirty cup her daughter had apparently left on the table before going to work...a cup!
That was the moment Lorna finally decided she had reached the end of her tether. All the things her mother had done to her over the years, the way she had been treated and the fact that Dave had done far worse things and yet he, no matter how badly he behaved, had got away with it again and again. Dave, the golden child could do no wrong in Ann’s eyes, whereas Lorna, the scapegoat could do no right.
Lorna finally flipped and literally screamed out these words, “WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU GET MAD AND HIT ME OVER SOMETHING AS TRIVIAL AS A FUCKING CUP WHEN DAVE HAS ALWAYS GOT AWAY WITH FUCKING MURDER?!”
What got to Lorna even more was her mother’s reaction to her daughter’s sudden but long overdue outburst; Ann grabbed her daughter by the throat, shoved her up against the wall and yelled, “DON’T YOU EVER RAISE YOUR VOICE TO ME IN THAT TONE!!”
Lorna’s heart was pounding, not with fear, because she was no longer physically afraid of Ann as she had been when she was little, but with furious anger. She pushed her mother away from her and made for the stairs.
“WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU’RE GOING?!” Ann screamed. “I’M NOWHERE NEAR DONE WITH YOU YET!”
“Oh yeah?” Lorna turned and glared at her mother; her blood had now reached boiling point. “Well guess what Mum, I’m done with you. I’m going to get my things and I’m moving in with Ginger; he asked me weeks ago if I wanted to move in with him but I said no…” Lorna breathed heavily trying to calm down before she said the rest, “...I thought it was too soon...but now I have no choice. I’ve had enough of the way you treat me. You have never...not once do I remember you ever saying a kind word to me.”
“A kind word to you?” Ann smirked as she said this. “You made it damn near impossible. You were a problem from the start. I NEARLY DIED GIVING BIRTH TO YOU...because of you I’m surprised I was able to have your little brother, because of you…”
“BROTHERS!” Lorna stressed that the word ought to be a plural. “I have two little brothers mother...but oh no...it’s tragic enough that you hate me but poor Ray, you barely acknowledge that he even exists. What’s so wonderful about Dave that he can do no wrong in your eyes? What’s so bad about me that I can do no right? As for...as for Mary...you never…”
“DON’T BRING YOUR SISTER INTO THIS!” Ann screamed. “SHE’S DEAD!”
“WELL I’M GOING TO!” Lorna screamed back. “YOU TREATED HER LIKE A NANNY WHEN IT CAME TO ALL OF US...and...and DAVE... he was the only one you looked after properly!”
“HOW DARE YOU!” Ann raged, making to physically attack Lorna again, but Lorna was not having any of it.
Lorna put up her hands to defend herself from her mother’s violent outburst, “YOU KNOW IT’S TRUE!” As Lorna shouted these words, she took hold of her mother’s hands before Ann could hit her again, then without thinking, Lorna pushed her mother back, harder than she meant to, but Ann fell back onto the floor.
“You evil bitch!” Ann growled, looking up at her hated daughter, her scapegoat. “I never wanted you! Many times when you were inside me I tried to get rid of you...I never told Fred about you because I was too ashamed...but then he somehow found out...oh how did he find out? That interfering bitch, your Aunt Doll just had to blurt it out after she overheard me talking to the doctor about not wanting you...of course I couldn’t tell her the real reason. I couldn’t tell her that Fred was not your father. I couldn’t tell her that I’d been raped. I couldn’t tell anyone. Your dad...the man you thought was your dad still doesn’t know you’re not his daughter. But of course...he was daft enough not to notice you look nothing like him; he just assumed you got your looks and blonde hair from me. But I had to be reminded for years, every time I looked at you...even now, when I look at you I see that...that monster...remember the bastard who killed your sister? I hope you got a good look at that animal when he was sentenced...BECAUSE HE’S YOUR REAL FATHER!”
Lorna all but gasped loudly; her heart almost stopped. She could not say anything...it could not be true. She felt her heart racing harder than it had ever done before. She felt everything around her starting to spin and she had to quickly grab hold of the banister to stop herself from falling. However, her mother did not care about this, Ann simply sat up from her position on the floor and slowly got to her knees. There she looked at her daughter, who was clearly in shock. Lorna was now shaking. It was a wonder she had not collapsed from the shock of what she had just heard. Was it really true? Surely not.
The whole thing just sounded so...ridiculous...ludicrous!
Was it really possible that Wesley Johnson, the man who had lived across the street and watched her grow up, who was later caught and convicted for the rape and murder of her beloved sister was her biological father? The same friendly chap who used to whistle as he cleaned his car, the man who had cheerfully said good morning to every passer by...everyone liked him, so when he was found guilty of rape and murder, no-one could believe it...yet it explained why Ann had never liked him.
For years, Lorna had assumed that Ann’s ‘coldness’ towards this apparently harmless man whenever they saw each other out and about was just the way her mother was. Ann had never been the friendliest of people as far as Lorna could remember. Sure, Mrs Davies always put on a front whenever she walked her children to the school gates and whenever they went to church on Sundays. It all made sense now though. She had always wondered why her mother used to act so rudely to ‘poor Mr Johnson’ and Ann had always strictly told Dave to stay away from him...apart from ‘enticing’ her favourite son to let down the man’s car tires and to break his front window, without their father knowing of course. Ann had always threatened Lorna into silence, ordering her least favourite child not to say a word of Dave’s actions to anyone else...or else.
Ann got up from the floor and cruelly smirked at her shaking daughter, “Thought it was about time you learned the truth about why you are the bane of my life,” she whispered, not caring at all for Lorna’s feelings. “And I don’t think anyone else in the family ought to know either, unless you want them to disown you, because I’m sure they will, if they ever found out what you are.”
Lorna looked, trembling and pale faced at her mother, “And...what exactly am I?” She asked, quite sure she already knew the answer.
“You’re a mistake, you’re Johnson’s bastard,” Ann whispered. “A terrible misfortune that I was forced to hang on to, all because your Aunt Doll opened her mouth...well...she’s not your aunt strictly speaking, but who cares? To hell with her too; I’ve never liked her.”
“This can’t be real,” Lorna struggled to take in every cruel word that had been said; it was a wonder she had not died of utter shock. Was her mother really telling the truth?
“Oh it’s real,” Ann said coldly.
Unable to even look at Ann anymore, Lorna slowly made her way to the front door, “And where do you think you’re going you daft bitch?” Her mother said scornfully. “You have chores to do.”
“I’m going to call my boyfriend,” Lorna replied as she made her way out, not even giving a backward glance. “Going to ask him to come and pick me up.”
Lorna took no notice of her mother’s mocking laugh, “He’ll soon get tired of you!” She called after her, but Lorna did not respond, she just made her way back in the direction she had just come until she got to the telephone box at the end of the road, calmly placed a few coins in the slot and dialled Ginger’s number, hoping to God he would be there to answer.
“I don’t mean to pry into your affairs Mrs Davies,” Mrs Leos, the lady next door but one, said to Ann after she had answered the door to her. “I was just a bit concerned because I heard shouting coming from your house. Are you all right?”
This was when Ann put on her usual act of playing the victim, “No not really Mrs Leos,” she said, putting on a scared voice. “It’s...it’s Lorna again. She really has lost it this time and I don’t know how to help her anymore. She’s always been hard to deal with, always had anger issues but this time she’s...she’s gone too far. Her mental health got worse since we lost Mary but this time...I’ve...I’ve had enough. She’s going to have to go.”
“I’m really sorry to hear that,” Mrs Leos was easily taken by Ann’s manipulations, as were most people. “But isn’t she the only one of your children living at home?”
“She drove the rest of them away,” Ann put on sobbing. “Patti was so desperate to get herself and Sophie away from here because it just wasn’t safe; that’s why she agreed to marry Eddie, so he would get them away from this hell.”
“But why didn’t you send Lorna away a long time ago?” The gullible woman asked. “Didn’t you say she attacked one of your other daughters?”
“Yes, poor Rosie’s too terrified to come here now,” Ann lied. “The last time she came was on Dave’s birthday, but that was only because Ray had agreed to come. It’s safer when he’s around.”
“Really?” Mrs Leos asked. “Why is that?”
“Oh I don’t know,” Ann replied, knowing really what the answer was but was determined to twist everything (the only way she was able to put on crying was to imagine Dave had been the one who had died instead of Mary). “She’s always been on her best behaviour when Ray comes to visit...there’s...just something about the two of them that’s always clicked. But Ray and Dave are both away on tour and won’t be back until next week, and then I’m not sure when I’m going to get to see them. Lorna’s also the reason why Dave moved out.”
“Surely Dave wasn’t scared of her too!” Mrs Leos exclaimed in disbelief.
“No he’d just had enough of all the rows that she kept starting for no reason,” Ann could have won an Oscar for her performance. “She was always ranting on about how unfair it was that Ray had moved out but Dave was still here. She loves Ray for some reason...but she can’t stand Dave. I was relieved when Ray moved out to be honest because Lorna would go to him telling lies about her poor brother, making Ray angry so he would attack Dave. I don’t know...I’ve just had enough...I’m at the end of my tether...I don’t really want her to move out but…”
Then still imagining the death of her favourite child Dave, Ann put on an act of the most pitiful sobbing imaginable that would have fooled anyone.
Mrs Leos, taken in by Ann’s performance, pulled her manipulative neighbour into a hug, “Shh...shh come on sweetheart you’ll be all right,” the woman said soothingly. “Hey tell you what, why don’t I come in and put the kettle on yeah? Make a nice pot of tea and you can tell me all about your wonderful boys; you must be so proud of them.”
With her make up completely ruined from the uncontrollable sobbing she had done over the phone to her boyfriend, and very sure she would have bruises on her arms and neck from where her hateful mother had grabbed her roughly, along with a hand impression on the left side of her face where Ann had viciously slapped her earlier, Lorna made her way back up the road to go and collect her belongings.
Ginger had agreed to come and fetch her immediately, and in the time it would take him to drive from his own home to the Davies house, she would be able to pack her bags and be ready for when he got there. She was not looking forward to facing her mother again, but she decided she would do her best not to talk to Ann anymore that day, ignore her if she started on her and just make her way up to her bedroom. If Ann followed her up, all she needed to do was lock her door. A few years ago before he left home, Ray had secretly fitted a bolt for her so that if Ann gave her grief, which she often did, Lorna would have a safe haven to go to. It was lucky that her mother had not discovered it and broken it off. Her father had seen it and told her that just between the two of them, he did not blame her for wanting to lock herself in. Soon she would no longer have to endure her mother’s unkindness.
She sighed deeply as she got back to the house, felt nervous as she stared at the front door and did not know what to expect when she got in, but knew she needed to go and get her things. She would have to leave a note for her father to find when he came home, perhaps leave it on her pillow as he often came up to see her when he returned from work. It broke her heart to think that Frederick was not her real dad and even now, still lived in hope that what Ann had revealed to her was a complete lie. Still, Frederick Davies was her father in every other way, she loved him and nothing was going to change that. She was not going to break his heart by repeating to him what she had been told, as it would drive the family apart further. She needed a lot of time to process what her mother had said, and was not sure yet that she was prepared to tell anyone about it. This was a secret that for now, she would have to keep to herself.
Lorna slowly made her way to the front door, opened it quietly and walked in. She could hear voices in the kitchen and realised her mother had a visitor. She was not sure who it was and did not care to find out, so quietly made her way up the stairs and to her room so she could begin packing immediately.
She locked the door just in case her mother was to come up, which was not impossible, then took out her suitcase that she always kept in the bottom of her wardrobe. She had not used it in a long time, but in the past she had sometimes gone to the seaside for a week with Mary and Pattie when they wanted to escape their home life. She also regularly went to stay with Aunt Doll for a few days to get away from her mother who made her life hell. She was glad to have Aunt Doll (who was Frederick’s sister) on side. Aunt Doll knew what Ann was like. Aunt Doll refused to believe or accept anything Ann said about Lorna, who had always supposed this was why Ann disliked her sister in law.
She was in two minds whether to visit her aunt sometime in the next few days to let her know what had happened...maybe she should confide in her about what her mother had told her. Would Aunt Doll keep it to herself? Lorna was quite sure her aunt would not tell anyone if she asked her not to. She was certain that Aunt Doll would not wish to break Frederick’s heart any more than she herself did. She had always trusted Aunt Doll, who Ann would never allow in the house and had not done for a good many years. She would even have stopped her children seeing their aunt altogether if it were not for Frederick.
Lorna gathered as many of her belongings as she could, deciding not to bother with her toothbrush or any of her toiletries that were in the bathroom; she would just stop at a chemist or convenience store and get new supplies from there.
Once she had packed all her important clothes, underwear and nightwear (deciding as soon as possible to buy some new ones once she was settled at Ginger’s house), she put all her records in a separate bag and prepared her record player for taking away too. She then looked in all her drawers to decide what she wanted to take and which things she did not mind leaving behind. Obviously she was going to take the framed photo of Mary, and so carefully packed it away with all her clothes in the suitcase.
When she had decided she had all her essentials, Lorna took out a writing pad and pen and proceeded to write a letter to her dad for when he got in, deciding to leave it on her dressing table in the hope he would find it before Ann did. Tears flowed down her cheeks as she wrote, explaining as best she could why she had gone and that he could feel free to visit her or meet up with her anytime. She then proceeded to write another letter to her brother Ray, which she planned on posting through the door of his flat for him to find when he arrived back home. She hoped Ray would get in touch with her once he found out what had happened; it was highly likely he would, because he cared about her and would want to know she was all right.
Once Lorna was quite sure she was done, she saw no reason to stay any longer. The last thing she did before she left was re apply all her makeup and pick up her old teddy that Mary had given her on her seventh birthday. When she was sure she had everything, she gathered the rest of her things up and left, unsure if she would ever return, but because of her father, she would never say never.
As she was making her way down the stairs, she hoped she would manage to make it out of the door before Ann came out from the kitchen and saw her. Luckily, her mother was still entertaining her guest and if it was someone outside of the family, chances were that even if Ann did see her, her mother would play nice, perhaps begging her not to go just to make herself look good. Lorna promised herself she would not fall for that.
She opened the door to leave, and just as she thought she could get away without Ann catching her, a voice behind her stopped her in her tracks, “Ann, your daughter’s here!”
Lorna sighed. She really had not planned on being seen, all the same it would not matter because Ann would behave herself with one of the neighbours around...right?
Lorna took a deep breath and decided she would keep her temper, “Not for much longer she won’t be,” she calmly stated matter of factly, looking Mrs Leos dead straight in the eye.
Then Mrs Davies showed up at the kitchen door, saw that her daughter had all her belongings with her and looked extremely angry, but Lorna was sure that with a visitor, Ann would not want to show herself up, “Lorna where are you going to go love?” Ann asked calmly, which came as no surprise to Lorna; as usual, Ann was putting on her long suffering mother act in front of a non family member.
“I told you I’m moving in with my boyfriend,” Lorna said, determined not to give Ann the satisfaction of seeing her lose her temper again.
However, as she made to go out the door, she became angry at what Mrs Leos had the nerve to say next, “I don’t think that’s a good idea love,” their neighbour said, probably meaning it well, but all the same, it should not have been said.
“Begging your pardon but it’s none of your business!” Lorna snapped, not caring what this interfering woman, who she barely even knew, thought about her. She then let Mrs Leos know how flabbergasted she was by her comment, “You keep your mouth shut about things you don’t understand and know nothing about. I suppose you’ve been taken in by my mother...I...I suppose she’s been telling nasty stories about me. Wouldn’t be the first time; doesn’t surprise me at all.”
Lorna then had nothing else to say, and clutching all her belongings, turned and left, closing the door behind her. She came out into the street and sat down on the wall to wait for Ginger to arrive, hoping he would hurry up but knowing it might take him a while, so she tried not to stress over it. Trouble was, she was desperate to get away from that place and desperate to get away from Ann. If that busybody Mrs Leos came out and tried to talk to her, she would point blank refuse to say anything or even acknowledge her. Lorna did not want to be nasty, but she would not be explaining anything to anyone who had no clue about what was really going on. Lorna knew that even at this very moment, Ann was making up stories about her to Mrs Leos. There was nothing Lorna could do about that, nothing she could do to stop Ann’s malicious lies, so the only way she would have any control of the situation would be to have limited or no contact with her mother. It did not matter what anyone thought or said; she needed to do this for herself.
Ginger pulled up outside the Davies house, merely expecting to be picking up his girlfriend and nothing else. He had only met Lorna’s mother once, and he had not been impressed...but he quite liked her dad. He smiled as he watched his girlfriend stand up as soon as she saw him. She seemed a lot calmer than when he had spoken to her on the phone. He was not entirely sure what to say to her about her mother; maybe nothing at all would be a good idea for now.
He wound down the window as she came up to him, clearly relieved that he was here, “You feeling better now babe?” He asked her.
“I am now you’re here,” she sighed. “But I’ll be better when we leave.”
“Come on I’ll put your stuff in the boot,” he said, opening the car door to get out. “Is this it?” He looked at the suitcase and a few other bags...and a teddy, that Lorna had left on the pavement beside the wall.
“Yeah that’s my stuff,” Lorna said, still looking subdued and a bit tired from the unexpected events that had happened. As Ginger picked up her suitcase and one of her other bags, she showed him an envelope she had in her hand, “Is it okay if we go round to Ray’s so I can drop this letter off?”
“Isn’t your brother away?” Ginger asked as he took her bags to put in the boot.
“Yes that’s why I wrote him this,” Lorna explained. “I just want to put it through his letterbox for him to find when he gets home next week. I hope it’s okay I put your address in here so he can write to me...or come and see me if he wants.”
“Yeah I suppose,” Ginger shrugged after he had put Lorna’s bags in and looked over at what else was left by the wall; her record player and bag with her records in.
“Thanks,” Lorna said gratefully. “I really appreciate you letting me stay at yours. I know we haven’t known each other long but…”
“But I wanted you to move in with me ages ago Lorna,” Ginger said as he picked up her other things. “Yeah we haven’t been together long but I really miss you when you go home, so I just want you to be there when I wake up every morning.”
Ginger noticed his girlfriend was looking slightly alarmed at what he had just said, so he thought he had better reassure her, “No...no I just mean I want to have you in my house...you...you can sleep in the room next to mine. I know you’re not ready for...well you know...just yet, at least not tonight after everything that’s happened.”
“Thanks for understanding,” she sighed, then smiled gratefully at him. She was beautiful, and Ginger knew he was a lucky man. He knew he could not ‘have her’ tonight, but he sure as fuck hoped he would not have to wait too long.
Ginger pulled his girlfriend into a hug, then placed a kiss on her forehead, “It’s going to be okay sweetheart,” he whispered. “I promise.”
Lorna looked into his eyes; Ginger loved the ‘sort of bluey-green’ colour they were; that was the colour he thought they were anyway, and they were sexy, he thought. He imagined her looking up at him as she was on her knees, sucking him off. He loved holding her, he loved her slender figure. He knew he must behave right now, but he wished he could bed Lorna tonight, but he knew he would have to be patient.
A few minutes later, all Lorna’s things had been put in the car and they were good to go. Ginger got back into the driver’s seat ready to start the car, but sadly for Lorna, her mother was not done with her yet and was not going to make leaving home any easier for her. Lorna’s heart began pounding as she saw Ann coming out of the front door...again, not with fear of her mother’s anger, but more with fear of what Ann might say in front of her boyfriend; what if Ann was able to manipulate Ginger too? She tried to brush it off as silly; of course Ginger would not listen to Ann, but still she could do without any more confrontations.
“What do you want now Mum?” Lorna sighed. “You’ve got what you wanted, you’re finally rid of me so why come out and start trouble again?”
“What about your father?” Ann asked, making Lorna see red, especially after Ann had revealed who her real father was. How dare she bring Fred up now?
“Dad will understand,” Lorna replied, managing to appear calm, but inside she was screaming. “Dad can visit me anytime he wants, or I’ll meet up with him somewhere.”
“No he won’t,” Ann said, a vindictive look on her face. “I’ll make sure of that.”
Lorna was horrified; what was Ann going to tell Fred?
“Please Mum,” Lorna begged. “You’re not going to tell Dad what you told me are you?”
“Oh I wouldn’t dream of it,” Ann laughed scornfully. “This family’s been through enough; I’m not going to cause an even bigger rift, what do you take me for?”
“But why would you stop Dad from seeing me?” Lorna pleaded. “I know you can’t stand me but he hasn’t done anything wrong; he doesn’t deserve this. Please don’t punish Dad because of me.”
Ann looked away and said nothing, probably because she was thinking of what horrible thing to say to her daughter next.
Lorna continued, “Dad loves me even if you don’t,” she said. “It would completely destroy him and I know you don’t want that, although it’s destroyed me and it’s going to take me my whole life to get over, but you don’t care about my feelings...you never have.”
“Why can’t you try to understand why I could never stand the sight of you?” Ann said through clenched teeth. “I carried the secret for twenty-one years and there wasn’t a single person I could talk to about it; I spent these last twenty-one years in torment, and since then the only good thing that’s happened to me is the baby (by ‘the baby’, Lorna knew she meant Dave, but there was no point in getting angry that Ray seemed to mean nothing to Ann either and there was no point in trying to reason with her mother anymore). Why can’t you see just why you’ve always been the bane of my life?”
“Oh yes, I can see and understand it strangely enough,” Lorna laughed, but in a sad way. “What happened to you was just wrong; no woman...no human being should have to go through such a traumatic experience, but it was not my fault...why can’t you see that?”
“Because as I said,” Ann whispered. “Every time I looked at you, even looking at you now, I still see him, I still see that monster !”
“And I’m guessing,” Lorna sighed, a tear escaping from her eye before she could stop it, “that you wish that I had died and Mary had lived.”
There was a short silence, but it did not matter because Lorna knew what Ann was going to say, “Yes,” she nodded. “Yes...I wish that.”
“Well...I’ll be out of your hair in a minute!” Lorna did not know why she was so hurt by her mother’s admission because she should not have been surprised. “Even though sadly for all of us, me leaving home will not bring Mary back, NOR WILL YOU WISHING I WAS DEAD!”
She shouted the last words, making Ginger stick his head through the window of the driver’s seat to say, “Come on Lorna get in the car and let’s go!”
Lorna did what her boyfriend asked, tired of fighting a losing battle, but as she made her way to the car, her mother made it clear she was not finished with her by screaming abuse at her, saying things such as, “DON’T THINK YOU’VE GOT AWAY WITH ANYTHING JUST BECAUSE YOU’VE FINALLY GOT YOURSELF A MAN TO SPONGE OFF OF, BECAUSE VERY SOON THE WHOLE NEIGHBOURHOOD’S GOING TO KNOW WHAT AN UNGRATEFUL LITTLE COW YOU ARE.”
“DO WHAT YOU WANT!” Lorna screamed at her as she opened the passenger door to get in. “SAY WHAT YOU LIKE ABOUT ME; I KNOW THE TRUTH AND MY CONSCIENCE IS CLEAR!”
“OH AND ANOTHER THING,” Ann yelled from where she was standing next to the front gate, “IF IT DOESN’T WORK OUT WITH YOUR SCRUFFY BOYFRIEND, DON’T EXPECT TO BE WELCOMED BACK HERE WITH OPEN ARMS!”
Ginger was obviously offended by this, “CAN YA TELL YA FUCKING MUM TO SHUT HER FUCKING MOUTH!”
Lorna got into the car and shut the door. She could still hear her mother shouting, but surprisingly she was not embarrassed; she was too used to it, as were several neighbours who had lived there for years and had sensed the somewhat dysfunction in the family. She felt bad for Ginger to have Ann insult him like that; Ann did not know him and had no right to judge him, “I’m sorry, let’s just go,” she said, putting her hand on his arm as a way of trying to comfort him.
“Yeah good fucking idea,” Ginger muttered, and angrily started the car. It was obvious now that Ginger needed to calm down almost as much as she did.
Lorna sat in silence for most of the journey. She knew she had a lot to take in and was completely undecided whether or not she should tell anyone. She hoped that she would hear from Ray in the next few weeks in answer to her letter, as she wanted to see her brother so much. She knew it was wrong to favour one brother over the other, but she could not help it. She and Ray had always been exceptionally close, whereas Dave had at times been almost as bad as their mother for making her life a misery for one reason or another. Yet even though she had noticed that Dave had somewhat mellowed...still she did not feel able to trust him.
She also wished she could see her dad; she was missing him already and hoped he would not be too distraught when he found out she had left home. Still she took comfort in the fact that he knew where Ginger’s house was and could visit her any time.
Lorna knew that leaving home was a good idea because her mother could not bully her anymore, and the time she spent with Ginger would certainly be interesting. However, it would be a long time before she would truly be happy. She would encounter more heartache and tragedy before the break she needed was to finally come.
Notes:
Please please do take the time to leave a comment if you haven't done so already because I don't very often get them and they mean a lot. I have been told by a few people that this story is very good and was glad to be told I am a good writer, those people are so kind.
Chapter 31
Summary:
Ray returns home to hear Lorna has left home.
After spending a passionate evening in with his secret lover, Dave is adamant that nothing and no-one comes before Mick...but does the drummer feel one hundred per cent the same way?
Notes:
Sorry for the long wait in getting an update on this story, there were a few things that knocked me back a little, writers block, online friends who are nice one minute, don't want to know me the next and just generally feeling like giving up but then I remembered this story is my baby and I write for me, so it doesn't matter what people think or that they couldn't care less about my writing. To all those who are reading and enjoying the story, thank you from the bottom of my heart.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Returning to England felt strange for the Kinks, after all those weeks travelling around Europe. Being back home was certainly going to take some getting used to, and they had a few free weeks to themselves before they would have to start working together once more.
Ray was looking forward to spending time with his gorgeous Emma again, who he had missed terribly while away, so much so that he had called her on the phone as many times as he could; luckily for him, she had missed him just as much if not more. The only reason she missed him more was probably because, apart from going to work on weekdays, she had far less to occupy her thoughts and fill her time with than he did, and so she thought of him constantly.
Ray called his girlfriend the minute he got home; Emma was overjoyed to hear he had returned and because it was the weekend, they arranged to meet the very next day. After talking to her for over an hour, Ray finally hung up. Then, not knowing what else to do with himself, decided he may as well unpack and put everything away or ready for washing.
He got up off the sofa and headed to where he had left all his luggage and guitars. He picked up the bag nearest the front door and discovered a white envelope had been hidden underneath it, which he must have missed as he was coming in, because he had been too busy lugging in all his belongings, which the taxi driver had agreed to help him with after Ray paid him a bit extra money. The singer bent down and picked it up with a curious expression. It just had his name on the front, nothing else. He immediately recognised his sister’s handwriting.
Ray was puzzled, and a little worried; Lorna had never written him a letter before and just posted it through his door like that, so Ray sensed immediately there must be something wrong and frantically opened the envelope. Taking out the piece of paper, he unfolded it; when he read what she had written, he could not decide whether to be pleased that she had finally left home and got away from their mother or worried about where his sister was now living. After all, he had not met this Ginger Baker yet and he worried about whether or not this man was as lovely and sweet as she said he was. He guessed immediately that Ginger was not his real name, and there was something about nicknames he did not like.
Ray had always dreaded the day Lorna got into a serious relationship, because he felt very protective of his sister and hated to think of any man taking advantage of her or hurting her.
This was what the letter said:
Dear Ray,
I am sorry you have to read this as soon as you come home from tour because I know that all you want to do is relax and not have to worry about anything, but I just want you to know that I have left home now and am living with Ginger. I know you are going to be worried because I haven’t known him very long but I just can’t stand living at home anymore. Mum has upset me one too many times, I am sick of never being able to do anything right in her eyes and being blamed for everything that has ever gone wrong in her life, this includes Dave not living at home anymore. You and Dad are always welcome to come and visit me at the address at the top of this letter. Ginger is ok with you coming over any time you like. Sorry for not saying more but if you want to come and see me you know where I am and I have also written Ginger’s telephone number with the address. Just give me a call before you visit just to make sure I am in.
Love you loads and hope to hear from you soon.
Love always, Lorna xx
P.S. Hope the tour has been enjoyable.
Ray was astounded. He wanted to speak to his sister immediately, so he went straight over to the phone and dialled the number that she had given him. When the phone kept ringing, he became frustrated. Just as he was about to slam it down, someone picked up the receiver at the other end.
A dopey male voice answered, “Ello.”
Ray felt annoyed at this man without knowing why, probably because he did not like to think what he might be doing with his beloved sister, “Hello is that...Ginger by any chance?”
There was a short pause, “Umm...yeah, yeah it is...erm...who’s this?”
Ray did not like the sound of his voice at all and felt he wanted to give this guy a hard time whether he deserved it or not, “I believe my sister is living with you,” he said through clenched teeth, also clenching his fists together hard. “Any chance I can speak to her?”
“What...wait...you mean Lorna?”
Ray was worried this man may have had a drink or two; he let out an exasperated sigh, “Well yes I should hope so,” he snapped, not caring whether or not Ginger, who so far had not given him a good first impression, found him rude. “I’ve just got the letter she wrote to me; is she there?”
“Does...wait...” Ginger sounded to Ray like he was a little excited, “...this must mean that I’m talking to one of the Kinks...right?”
Ray sighed, “Yes,” he replied. “I’ve just got back from a long tour and come home to Lorna’s letter, and I just want to know she’s okay.”
“Yeah she’s fine,” Ginger finally gave Ray the answer he needed. “Do you want me to put her on?”
“Yes please,” Ray said, relieved.
He heard shouting in the background; Ginger was calling Lorna’s name. Then Ray heard Lorna’s voice say, “Who is it?”
“Your bruvver,” he heard Ginger telling her.
There was a muffled sound, then to his relief, Ray heard his sister’s voice at the other end, “Hello,” she said excitedly. “Ray is it you?”
“Yeah it’s me sis,” Ray said, calming down a little when it sounded like she was all right. “I just got your letter, are you okay?”
“I’m okay now,” Lorna reassured him. “You don’t have to worry about me; I’m happy where I am, and Dad even came over to see me yesterday. He wanted me to come home of course, but I said no because I feel like I shouldn’t be living at home now anyway.”
“What happened?” Ray asked. “With Mum I mean?”
“Oh don’t worry about that,” Lorna said. “You must tell me about the tour; I heard it went very well, but I did miss you a lot.”
“I missed you too,” Ray sighed, feeling the need to sit down because he felt that, like the conversation he had just had with Emma, this was probably going to take a while. “Yes the tour was great. Pete and I had a great time and it was a laugh just to hang out with him the whole time.”
“Did Dave behave himself?” Lorna asked.
“Dave wasn’t too bad actually,” Ray laughed. “He hasn’t been all that bad at all and I hardly get a peep out of him when we’re not working together...he doesn’t hang out with me and Pete much anymore which is fine with me; he seems to only want to be around Mick. It’s like he’s Mick’s shadow a lot of the time...don’t know why.”
“Oh well him and Mick live together too don’t they?” Lorna pointed out. “I think it’s nice that Dave has found his own friend; I think he used to feel a bit left out before and that was why he used to act up.”
“Oh he still acts up sometimes,” Ray sighed. “We still piss each other off, but he’s not as...well...horrible as he used to be.”
“No he’s not, I noticed that,” Lorna agreed. “But I still don’t trust him like I do you.”
“Understood,” Ray smiled, happy to hear his sister’s voice. “I’m just glad you’re okay Lorna.”
“You don’t need to worry about me, really,” Lorna reassured him. “Ginger looks after me, and I’ve got another job; I’m not working at the cafe anymore.”
“Really?” Ray asked.
“I actually have two different jobs,” Lorna revealed. “I’m working at the pub just up the road from this house and starting Monday I’m going to be working for this lady, cleaning her house. She lives on her own bless her, she’s really nice but she’s lonely I think and seems to have got more money than she knows what to do with.”
“Oh...wow,” Ray said, sometimes Lorna loved to spring surprises on him out of the blue; that was one of the many things he loved about her. “I’m really pleased that you’re happy, but I do worry about you living with…”
“Oh come on Ray don’t make me feel bad for living with my boyfriend,” Lorna moaned.
“I know I know, I wasn’t trying to make you feel bad,” Ray said, not wanting to sound like he was judging her and feeling bad when she thought he was. “I just want to know I can trust him okay; I don’t want you to get hurt and then have to go back to having to put up with Mum.”
Just give him a chance please,” Lorna begged her brother. “Why don’t you come over here sometime so you can meet him?”
“Oh I plan to,” Ray stated matter of factly. “But tomorrow I’m spending time with Emma; it’s been a while since I’ve seen her and I’ve missed her so much...actually, I want to start bringing her here. I don’t want to just go out and meet her and just spend the day with her; I love her and want it to be serious.”
“I’m happy for you Ray,” Lorna said. “I look forward to meeting her.”
“You’ll love her,” Ray promised her. “She’s the sweetest, gentlest girl I’ve ever known...besides you of course.”
“I know I’ll love her,” Lorna laughed. “So as I’m happy for you and your relationship, I want you to be happy for mine, no giving my boyfriend a hard time...actually, when you see him and talk to him, I don’t think you’ll even dare. Oh and did I tell you he’s in a band? He’s a drummer!”
“What? No you didn’t tell me that!” Ray said, astounded. “And why wouldn’t I dare give him a hard time? If he’s anything like our drummer, Mick, then I can easily…”
“Oh no,” Lorna said firmly. “He’s nothing at all like Mick Avory. Ginger won’t take any shit from anyone, so don’t even try. I know you were funny with him on the phone by the way.”
“What? How could you possibly know?” Ray asked, trying to sound innocent.
“Because I know you Ray,” Lorna said, her voice in a sort of warning tone. “Please be nice when you come over; he’s already had Mum being rude to him when he came to pick me up, so I don’t need you starting on him as well. Please try and be nice...for me if nothing else.”
“Okay okay,” Ray sighed. “I’ll play nicely, just for you. I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt, just for…”
“No you won’t be doubtful of him,” Lorna told him. “You’ll be nice to him and act friendly even if you don’t want to be. You won’t be rude for any reason, in fact you need to be grateful to him that he got me away from Mum at last.”
“If you’re happy then I’m happy for you,” Ray reassured her. “I was really worried when I got your letter and it’s a relief to actually speak to you. I’ll come over and see you as soon as I can.”
“Okay well I should be in all weekend,” Lorna informed him. “But I’m busy in the week.”
“I’ll try and come over on Sunday,” Ray said, then quickly added, “if you don’t have any plans.”
“Bring Emma,” Lorna suggested.
“You know what,” Ray’s face lit up at the very idea, “that’s a brilliant idea; Emma did say she wants to be with me all weekend, so I’ll bring her over and you can meet her.”
“I’d love that,” Lorna said. “See you soon Ray, and thanks for ringing.”
“I wouldn’t have been able to sleep tonight if I hadn’t,” Ray said. “I’m just glad you were in.”
“Me too,” Lorna agreed. “I’ll see you soon yeah?”
As soon as Ray hung up, he re-read his sister’s letter one more time. Poor Lorna had put up with enough from their mother, as had he, but he sensed there must have been something major that had happened between them that had suddenly made Lorna flip...and decide she had finally had enough. Before now, she had simply been content to escape to her room to get away from Ann.
Ray’s intuition told him that there was something Lorna was not telling him, something she did not wish to talk about, or at least was not yet ready to talk about. He wanted to find out for sure, of course he did, but if Lorna was not ready to open up, what could he do?
Maybe he ought to go and visit his parents and ask them. He could not of course, just turn up at the house and ask his mother why Lorna had really left; Ann would accuse him of not caring about his own mother and that enquiring about his precious sister was the only reason he had come to visit, so he had to have an excuse...well, not that he really needed one because his dad would certainly want to see him, even if his mum did not.
Then an idea struck him, maybe he could get Dave involved. Yes, Dave was after all, their mother’s golden child and could get away with anything, even asking questions that Ray or any of his sisters would never be allowed to ask. Dave could do no wrong in their mother’s eyes, therefore, his brother would be useful.
For the third time since coming home, Ray picked up the phone and dialled Dave’s number; he was going to ask his younger brother to go over to their parents’ house sometime and casually ask their mother if there was any particular reason their sister had left. The problem with that was of course...their mother would only twist things. Chances were, any information that Dave could get for him, he would probably not believe anyway. Nothing Ann ever said about Lorna washed with Ray. Ann manipulated many people, but Ray always saw through her and would defend his beloved sister to the end. As he waited for Dave to pick up the phone, he began to wonder whether this was a good idea, and he struggled to make up his mind what to do for the best.
At Spunker’s Squalor, Mick was enjoying himself in the one and only place he did not mind getting messy when every other part of the flat was spick and span and neat as a new pin. The bedroom however...or at least the bed he shared with Dave was a different matter, until Mick did his usual cleaning up the next day. He and Dave had been at it for the past two hours and they did not plan for their fuck fest to be over any time soon. Even if they took a break from it later just to get a drink or have a smoke, they planned to start all over again and carry on until quite late that night.
Since meeting Dave, Mick had learned not to be afraid of sex; he had learned that it could be wonderful and out of this world if you were doing it with the right person. Dave was the right person, Mick knew that now, and it was not until he had fallen in love with his band mate that Mick realised sex was not an evil thing that only depraved people did, or at least Mick now knew that it was not supposed to be evil and never had been. Right now, Mick was, as always, inside Dave, with the guitarist straddled on top of him and riding him; the drummer was about to come, but wanted to make it last as long as he could. Even now, after all the countless times he and Dave had had sex, he was still not in the least bit bored with it, and there were still many things he and Dave had yet to explore.
Mick felt a sudden explosion of pleasure...even after all the wonderful pleasure he had felt in the past couple of hours of making love to his handsome boyfriend. Dave knew how to please him; he was sure he knew how to please Dave. Right now, the drummer knew he would not last much longer; at any second, he was going to shoot his load inside of Dave.
“I’m...going to...come,” he panted, his body covered with sweat.
An equally sweaty and panting Dave replied with, “Not yet babe; I...want to come at the same time as you!”
Mick knew he could not hold on much longer; the urge was far too strong.
As Dave continued riding Mick like a buckaneer cowboy, the guitarist jerked himself off at the same time, Mick pointing out that he was going to have to hurry up and come if he really wanted them to do it together, “Please Dave, let me come!”
“Almost…” Dave panted. “Fuck Mick you turn me on so much!”
Mick threw back his head and grabbed hold of the bed sheets tightly with both hands, knowing he would last very little longer; his body ached with pleasure, he was seeing stars and he felt almost as if he was not really there, “P...please Dave...oh God...oh fuck…” It was very rare for Mick to use any profane language.
“Now!” Dave said suddenly, and Mick knew what that meant; relief overcame him as he shot his load into Dave, and the pleasure of doing this was indescribable, so much so that he felt he was in heaven.
At the same time, Dave ejaculated onto Mick’s stomach, Mick feeling it’s warmth on his skin. Dave then collapsed on top of Mick, the two of them panting heavily, exhausted but somehow knowing that they would shortly be up for more. Mick placed his arms around the younger man, caressing him close, loving the feeling of Dave’s warm breath against his neck, just about catching that tobacco aroma that sometimes Dave had. Mick loved the smell; he did not know why.
After a few minutes, Mick began to feel a little too hot, so he rolled onto his side, Dave’s legs still tightly round his waist, the drummer still inside him. Mick looked into Dave’s eyes, Dave smiled at him sweetly, and Mick smiled back.
“I love you,” Dave whispered.
Mick smiled and stroked Dave’s hair; he was more in love with the guitarist than ever before, “Love you too,” he whispered back, then leaned forward, placing a chaste kiss on Dave’s mouth.
The two then spent the next couple of minutes gazing into each other’s eyes, both feeling once more like they were the only two people in the world, neither of them wanting to be away from the other ever again.
Suddenly, the beautiful moment they were both sharing was ruined just a little by the sound of the telephone coming from the living room, not that it made any difference because neither of them made any effort to move from the position they were in; they were far too comfortable.
The phone kept ringing however, urging Mick to ask Dave if one of them should answer in case it was important.
Dave shrugged and replied, “Nothing as important as this, and I’m sure if it’s that important then they’ll keep trying to call.”
It was true; even though they were together nearly all the time, they had both had so little time alone together while touring that they promised each other that nothing in the whole universe would be as important as their valuable alone time once they got back home, and they had meant it too.
“It’s most likely to be your mum right?” Mick chuckled.
Dave nodded and agreed that yes, once Mrs Davies knew her favourite son was home from tour, she would be calling straight away.
“Well I’m not answering the phone no matter who it is,” Dave declared. “No matter how important it is I won’t answer it. Nothing and no-one is more important to me than you and that’s the truth, even if it’s a life or death situation on the other end of that phone call, I wouldn’t drop what I’m doing now.”
Mick laughed at this, feeling touched but wondering if his lover actually meant it.
“I’m serious you know,” Dave stressed. “I’m not joking. Nothing and no-one comes before you...ever!”
“That’s really nice to hear,” Mick murmured sweetly.
“I’m er...hoping you feel the same way?” Dave asked as the phone continued to ring.
“Well of course,” Mick replied, but then said thoughtfully, “I do have others I care about though.”
“So do I...I suppose,” Dave shrugged. “But most of them...no all of them I wouldn’t ever put before you.”
“No-one at all?” Mick asked him curiously. “Not even your mum?”
“Nope,” Dave said. “And have you really got other people you care about like you do me?”
Mick did not want to ruin the mood but he could not help but feel slightly annoyed and hurt at his lover’s assumption, “Yes,” Mick replied as calmly as he could, but felt his voice crack as he thought of his beloved brother Steve, who he would do just about anything for. “You know I’ve got people I call family. They may not be blood relatives but they’re very special to me.”
“Okay, okay don’t get defensive,” Dave rolled his eyes at Mick’s insistence on being so sentimental. “Fuck Mick you do make me laugh!”
“Why?” Mick asked, knowing he was looking and sounding hurt.
“ Because ,” Dave said, unable to keep a straight face. “You don’t exactly need them anymore do you? Yeah they took you in when you ran away from home...but you’re a grown man now, you can look after yourself...and I look after you…” Dave still did not realise how much his comments were hurting Mick; as he said these well meaning but hurtful words, Dave casually started drawing shapes onto Mick’s chest with his finger… “...I mean, sure I’m not saying that Rachel...or whatever that woman’s name is didn’t do a wonderful thing for you when you were a frightened kid, but it doesn’t mean you owe her anything does it? So don’t you go saying you would put her or anyone else before me when I make you the centre of my universe!”
Mick was unable to suppress his tears after hearing what his boyfriend had said; he could not believe these words had come out of Dave’s mouth. Was the guitarist really that selfish that he was unwilling to share him with anyone?
“How...how can you say that?” Mick sobbed as he sat up and made to get up from the bed, only for Dave to stop him.
“Say what?” Dave asked, confused. “What are you crying for? Only telling the truth.”
“What, that the people I love and call family shouldn’t mean anything to me at all just because they’re not blood?”
“N...no...I never said that did I?” Dave said, a little nervously. “Why...why are you so upset Mick? I don’t understand.”
“I’m upset...because of...the way you spoke about...the people I love,” Mick struggled to speak because his body was now wracked with sobs. “You...know how much I love them; I’ve...told you many times and now all of a sudden...Dave you’re invalidating MY feelings.”
“Mick I…” Dave began to feel very awkward now, and wondered what he could do or say to try and reverse the problem. He had never intended to make Mick cry and it distressed him to see the man he loved so upset. “Mick...don’t cry...I’m...I’m sorry okay. I shouldn’t have said that; I don’t know why I did, really I don’t. Please Mick, please forgive me.”
Dave put his arms around Mick from behind and pulled him close; he was beginning to feel like crying too now, “Mick...Mick please don’t hate me; I love you so much okay,” Dave was shaking with fear that the one he loved most in the world could well walk out and leave him because of the stupid remarks he had made, and all out of jealousy, possessiveness and insecurity. “I’m...I’m sorry I shouldn’t have said that, I know I shouldn’t...of course you still need your family, and no doubt they need you. Please Mick...I guess I was just a bit...well jealous that’s all.” Dave pulled Mick into a hug as the drummer continued to sob, then he started to cry too, angry with himself to think he had made the man he loved cry after the wonderful sex they had just had together.
“I’m...I’m sorry Dave,” Mick tried to stop sobbing but was struggling. “I just...don’t react very well...when I think people are trying to invalidate my feelings towards the people who love me.”
“I didn’t mean to,” Dave said, remorsefully. “You’re right, family isn’t just about blood; anyone can be your family...fuck...Ray’s my brother , a member of my immediate family and most of the time I can’t stand him. I’m sorry Mick, please forgive me; I should have known better...it’s just that sometimes, the old me resurfaces a bit. I’m all new to this committed relationship thing, but I’ve never loved anyone so much before I met you.”
“If you love me Dave, then you’ll respect how I feel at all times,” Mick said, wiping away his tears and and leaning into Dave’s chest.
“I will I will,” Dave said, his voice shaking, still terrified that Mick would leave him. “I...I take back what I said okay; you love your family, I love mine. It’s just...I hate the fact we have to be so secretive about our relationship when being with you means so much to me. I live in hope all the time that we’ll live to see the day when we can be together without having to hide it; I live in hope that at the very least what we have between us will at the very least be legal at some point in the future...I know it was wrong of me to say we should put each other before our families, but I love you enough to give up everything.”
“I love you too Dave,” Mick said, having calmed down a little, but was still crying. “Which is why it’s so hard for me too, because I love Steve and my foster family but it would hurt to have to choose between them and you...and I hope and pray it will never come to that, because I think I would have to choose you...but I don’t want to have to choose; I want both.”
“Me too Mick,” Dave agreed. “Me too.” He kissed the side of Mick’s head and whispered, “I’m sorry babe.”
“It’s okay,” Mick whispered as he sniffed loudly and wiped away his tears with his hands. “I think...I think I might get a shower now; I’m all sticky.”
Dave looked and saw that his lover’s chest and stomach were covered in his spunk; he would have laughed if they had not had that little upset just now, “Okay you get a shower babe; I’ll come and join you in a minute if that’s okay. I want a shower too but I’m really hungry now so I’m going to the kitchen first. You want something to eat too?”
“Yes please,” Mick smiled sweetly and lovingly caressed his boyfriend’s head from behind him. “I’d love a sandwich.”
“I’ll go and make some while you get a shower,” Dave moved over to the other side of the bed and looked around for his underwear, and felt annoyed when he was unable to find them. Mick on the other hand, always shy about walking around the house with nothing on, pulled the top sheet from the bed and wrapped it round himself, then headed out to the bathroom.
The phone began ringing for the second time, and as Mick turned on the taps to get the water to a comfortable temperature, he heard his boyfriend curse, “OH FOR FUCK’S SAKE, LEAVE US ALONE!”
Mick smiled to himself as he knew Dave was just worried the phone call might be a request for one of them to go out somewhere. Neither of them wanted this, and so Mick hoped it was just Dave’s mother.
However, after he had been in the shower for a couple of minutes, he heard his boyfriend’s voice shouting at someone, but who could Dave be shouting at as there was no-one else in the flat. Had an unwelcome visitor come to the door? Mick hoped not, because he hated confrontations and did not like having to deal with nasty people...then he heard Dave mention his brother’s name, and after listening carefully, which was hard to do in the shower with the sound of water flowing out, Mick realised that Dave was on the phone having a go at Ray. He could not quite hear properly what was being said, but he heard the words, “Oh fuck off Ray! No I’m not going over to Mum and Dad’s today; I’m too busy.”
He also made out the words, “For fuck’s sake, Lorna’s an adult!”
Mick realised that Dave was having an argument to do with his family, and therefore it was nothing to do with him, and so he went back to enjoying his shower, one of his favourite things to do besides playing the drums, cooking and cleaning, cuddling cute animals and of course, fucking the life out of Dave. He loved Dave unconditionally, but he could not believe the things the younger man came out with at times. He could also not believe how insensitive the guitarist could be, cruel even...but then he thought, Dave was, up to a point, aware of his shortcomings and he was far nicer than when Mick had first met him. Dave was, on the whole, loving, affectionate and caring towards him; Mick valued all these qualities and this side of Dave made him want to share his life with the younger man, and because of Dave’s good side, Mick could overlook the bad.
As Mick covered his whole body in beautiful smelling soap, he realised that he would not have Dave any other way. Sure, the boy was short tempered, a little spoilt and rude, but since they had got together, Mick had seen a different side, and this was something worth holding on to.
Notes:
Hope you enjoyed and I will try not to leave it too long before I update again.
Chapter 32
Summary:
Dave is confused by Mick's depressed state after another lovemaking session, then he find's out his brother has been talking about him...again.
Notes:
Thank you to all my readers for your patience in waiting for this new chapter. I took a bit of a break from writing, doing cross stitching instead...I fell out with a few people online, had a bit of a breakdown and it shattered my confidence, losing my writing mojo a little...also it doesn't help hearing the truth about these band members and knowing that none of these lovely things happened, although in some parts of the story as I said before, true events are portrayed...but not many. This story is still my baby though...and thanks for all the support.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Love me til the sun shines
Chapter 32
When the Kinks were not together recording their next album, to be called The Kink Kontroversy, on which one of Dave’s songs, I am free was to be included, Mick found himself spending most of his time either at the flat he shared with his lover, that they now called Spunker’s Squalor, or he spent time at Rachel’s house where the children currently staying there, especially Amy, always looked forward to his visits.
In between, he would either go out shopping in Carnaby Street for the latest trends (usually recommended by Steve, who had recently called him out on the clothes he wore and said he needed to update his wardrobe, especially now he had the money so he had no excuse) or he would be going out grocery shopping.
The drummer did all the cleaning in the flat too, not just because Dave never lifted a finger to help, but also because he had got into a routine of cleaning anyway which would start as soon as he had finished breakfast. He would then take a break mid morning to have coffee or read a book, then he would clean again until the whole flat was spick and span. Dave would return home from wherever he had been to and not recognise the place. Just when Dave thought the flat could not get any more immaculate, it did. He had never known even a woman to keep a place so lovely; certainly not his mother or any of his sisters.
Mick never complained of Dave’s laziness, which suited them both very well because Dave would only have got pissed off if his boyfriend was to nag at him to help with all the chores. For one, the guitarist had literally never done a spot of cleaning in his life and so would not be used to anyone telling him what to do. For another, he had enough shit from Ray to deal with every time they worked together in the studio, so Mick knew that the last thing Dave wanted was to be moaned at by the one he loved the most. Mick loved Dave, and knew that at times, being around his brother was exhausting, so he just wanted to make his lover happy, and besides, Mick had never been the moaning type.
Mick had never been this happy with anyone, and he had certainly never been in love before, so he wanted living with his gorgeous Dave to be as argument free as possible. Besides, Dave made up for never doing any cooking or cleaning in other ways, like in the bedroom for example. Mick had told Dave that it was the one place he did not mind getting messy. Dave was also someone for Mick to talk to about anything that was bothering him. Mick sometimes thought it funny that Dave had gone from this obnoxious, bratty, almost narcissistic teenage boy to this sweet, loving, caring young man. Mick had been the one and only person who had changed him for the better.
One of the ways in which Dave had changed was that he never...or very rarely went out at night anymore. Since meeting and falling in love with Mick, Dave no longer had any desire to go anywhere of an evening, not if the man he loved was likely to spend his evenings indoors. Only problem was that sometimes it was hard for Dave to persuade Mick to get his head out of a book or to stop writing in his diary and pay him some attention. It was annoying enough that when Mick was at home during the day he would insist on cleaning, and then of course he would want his drumming time, so it did worry Dave that if Mick was cleaning, drumming, reading and writing (probably about him), when would they get quality couple time?
Still, this only happened on a rare occasion and most of the time, Mick and Dave did have time together. They would either listen to music together, watch the television cuddled up on the sofa, or when Dave got bored of that, he would put his arms around Mick, start kissing his neck and try to undo the buttons of his shirt.
Sometimes Mick did not want to move from where he was; he was quite comfortable on the sofa so there was no way he was going to let Dave drag him to the bedroom. Still Mick could not resist Dave for long and so often they ended up having sex on the sofa, even though it was against Mick’s rules. Afterwards it was always the same, with the two of them lying there under a blanket (Mick did not like lying naked with nothing covering them which was why, when these instances occurred, he kept a blanket on both sofas just in case).
One afternoon, something weird happened. Dave came home from visiting his mother and saw that Mick had come home from his shopping trip. The drummer had been looking forward to going out and buying new clothes and had certainly needed it because the previous night, Mick had suffered one of his nightmares again and had not slept at all since waking up in a sweat, but eventually drifted off again around four in the morning. Mick had needed cheering up and so had gone out early in his car to meet Steve, who had wanted to show him one of the new mod shops that had opened.
So Dave came home to find that Mick was also back; the drummer had bought a wide range of fancy clothes (there was no way in hell he could have afforded them before) which he told Dave he was more than welcome to wear. Dave noticed however, that his boyfriend still did not seem himself and asked Mick if something had happened. Mick however, said he was fine, just tired and that he had missed him loads. Mick then grabbed Dave to shut him up and the two got naked together.
Mick and Dave were lying on the sofa together after having made love for over an hour. Mick lay on his back, looking up at the ceiling while Dave had his head on the drummer’s chest, listening to his heartbeat. After a few more minutes, Dave reached over for a cigarette, as he usually did after having sex with Mick, in fact usually they would share, but Mick took hold of his lover’s hand to stop him. He just wanted to hold Dave without any interruptions. Dave supposed he could go without a smoke for a little while longer.
“What’s up babe?” Dave asked. “Don’t you want a cigarette?”
“In a minute,” Mick sighed. “I just want to hold you close to me.”
Dave relaxed his head against his lover’s chest and enjoyed the warmth of Mick’s skin; his heartbeat was also somewhat soothing. Dave cuddled up to Mick for several minutes before he decided to break the silence; somehow he sensed there might be something wrong with Mick, that there was something on his mind.
The guitarist looked up at the drummer’s face, and saw that Mick had a somewhat far away look, “Are you okay?” Dave asked his lover with concern. There was no reply for a few seconds, “Mick?”
“Hmm?” The drummer said, dreamily. “What?”
“I...I just asked if you’re okay,” Dave repeated. “You seem...I dunno...quiet...too quiet...even for you.”
There was silence again for a few seconds, then Mick said...slowly, “Umm...yeah...I’m okay.” Mick stroked Dave’s hair, still in a dreamlike state, then kissed his boyfriend’s forehead gently. “I’m okay,” the drummer repeated. Then cuddled Dave tight as if he were a teddy bear.
When Mick had loosened his grip after about half a minute, Dave sat up a little so he could look at Mick properly; the drummer did not move or show any signs that he had noticed Dave had moved at all, “Are you sure?” Dave asked, feeling worried. Dave became even more worried when Mick started trembling a little, then the sides of his lips went down and he started to cry.
“Mick what’s wrong?” Dave asked, feeling alarmed. “Honey what is it?”
“S...sorry,” Mick sobbed, sitting up and looking to Dave as though he intended to leave the room.
“For what?” Dave asked.
Mick wrapped the blanket around both himself and Dave as he sat up and wiped his eyes with his hands, desperately trying to stop himself from crying, “I...I d...don’t know why I’m so upset...it’s...not as if you...ch...cheated on me or anything.”
Dave was confused. He put his arms around Mick, tried to give him a hug, but Mick pushed him away, “Dave don’t,” he was still unable to stop the sobbing. “Just...don’t!”
“I don’t understand what’s wrong!” Dave suddenly felt so stressed and frustrated that he grabbed his box of cigarettes that was on the coffee table and pulled one out. “Holy shit Mick I love you but I can’t help you if you don’t talk to me!”
“You can’t...help me anyway Dave!” Mick sobbed, then pulled the blanket roughly away from Dave, causing the latter to fall off the sofa onto the floor, dropping his cigarettes.
Mick wrapped the blanket around him and, still crying, stormed off into the bedroom, slamming the door.
Dave was so taken aback and confused by his boyfriend’s behaviour that he became angry, “WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?” He yelled. He felt like crying himself now...why was Mick suddenly behaving this way? He never had before.
Dave looked around for his clothes that were strewn around all over the carpet; so were Mick’s. He found his underpants and quickly put them on, knowing that Mick would only moan at him if he chose to go after him into the bedroom stark naked. He was in a rush to talk to Mick and so found his vest, put that on and, lighting a cigarette, made his way in after Mick in just his underwear.
Mick was sitting on the end of the bed with the blanket around him, staring out of the window, looking sad. It broke Dave’s heart to see Mick like this but at the same time he was extremely confused. He sat next to the drummer, put his arm around him and offered him a drag of the cigarette. Mick, who was still crying, in fact...a few sobs still wracked his body, accepted and took a drag. However, because he was sobbing so much, he started choking, dropping the cigarette onto his knee. Dave quickly got hold of it before the blanket caught fire. He patted Mick’s back in the hope it would help the choking to stop. He waited for Mick to recover, rubbing his lover’s back, trying to be patient. It was a good thing Dave had a cigarette to help him keep calm otherwise he would only have become more frustrated.
When Mick had finally got over his choking fit, Dave put his arm round Mick, who had his head almost between his knees. Dave pulled him up so he was sitting properly, stroked his hair gently. Mick still had tears in his eyes but he seemed to have calmed down a little.
“Talk to me Mick,” Dave pleaded with him. “What is it? Did...did I do something you didn’t like during…”
Mick shook his head, “No,” he managed to whisper. “No...it...it was fine...it was lovely as always...I just...before you came in I had a lot on my...oh it doesn’t matter I’m just being...stupid...childish really.”
“Why?” Dave asked, confused and frustrated that he still had no idea what was wrong with Mick.
“It was just...I was trying so much to forget...about it,” Mick was still finding it hard to speak properly because he was so upset. “I was feeling really down before you came in...and...and I wish I hadn’t gone out earlier and...and bumped into Ray because...everything would’ve been fine if Ray hadn’t told me that…” Mick began sobbing even more.
“What...you met Ray while you were out today?” Dave asked, still not understanding how his older brother could be the reason for Mick’s distressed state.
“Y...yeah...and...and Pete...he was there too.” Mick sobbed. “God it’s so stupid...it...it started out fine; we were all talking and laughing as always...then...then suddenly the subject of you was brought up!”
The penny finally dropped. Dave rolled his eyes and sighed as he knew somehow that the reason Mick was so upset was that something had been said about him by Ray that sensitive Mick did not like, something about the past. Although Dave had been pretty open to Mick about the way he used to be and the fact that prior to meeting him he had been with a lot of girls...far too many, Mick had not exactly been over the moon about that, so Dave had not told Mick everything for the fear that his lover might hold his past against him. Even though Dave knew that Mick may not react very well to hearing of some of the things Dave had done, he was never expecting Mick to be so upset to the point of crying.
“So that’s why you’re so upset!” Dave assumed, feeling angry that his brother would talk behind his back and tell Mick stories about him. “What exactly has Ray been saying about me?”
“It...it wasn’t nice,” Mick warned him. “I tried to forget about it, tried to put it to the back of my mind, but the more I tried, the worse I felt. Then you came home and I thought no, I’ll try to go on exactly as we were before, tried to remind myself that you’re still my Dave, you’re still the lovely guy you were before I went out this morning and nothing will change between us; after all, what you did...it was before you and I even met, and I already knew about your sleeping around anyway from Ray and Pete.”
“Those fucking cunts are always saying stuff about me!” Dave grumbled. “Always going on about what I used to be like...fuck’s sake!”
“Yeah...but I think Ray had a right to be upset this time,” Mick informed him. “If what Ray said is true, if you really did have it off with his girlfriend at the time, then no wonder he doesn’t like you!”
Dave was furious, “For fuck’s sake that was fucking years ago!” He shouted. “Why the fuck did he choose to bring it up today? Why can’t he let go of the past? I thought he was happy with Emma now!”
“He is,” Mick reassured him. “But I think Ray hasn’t quite forgotten about what you did...and I think he’s worried you’re going to go out and do the same thing again, try to take Emma from him. I think...I think Ray was feeling a bit down because Emma’s working all week, and somehow the subject of you came up...and somehow...well one subject led to another subject and we started talking about you and…”
“And he ended up revealing what I did?” Dave sighed. “For crying out loud, why is he still so resentful of me?”
“I don’t know,” Mick replied, feeling a little better now that he had told Dave what had been upsetting him. “I think he was having a bad day; he’d seen a few stories about you in the papers saying you’ve been with this girl and that girl which I know is not true and...I think he’s a bit jealous of your looks you know, and he’s still scared you’ll try to take Emma off him...or worse, that Emma will start fancying you. He’s a bit bitter because he feels you’re the best looking brother and he still can’t believe sometimes that Emma’s with him when she can have you.”
“Emma can’t have me!” Dave exclaimed. “I’m not interested in her or anyone else despite who the papers are saying I’m flirting about with; you know it’s not true. My heart is yours and yours alone Mick...so’s my dick for that matter! Yeah Ray’s very insecure, but he needs to learn to trust Emma, just like you need to learn to trust me...because I think this is more about you Mick.”
“What do you mean?” Mick asked, confused.
“I think because of what you are hearing and seeing in the papers when you’re out and about, you’re starting to have trust issues!” Dave pointed out. “It’s like you listen to gossip and choose to believe that instead of trusting me.”
“I do trust you Dave,” Mick reassured him. “I...I don’t believe anything I hear about you from others, because I feel like I know you and I can tell that you love me more than anything...it’s just when I hear these things...it makes me angry that people think they have a right to spread rumours about you and say all this stuff about you and...it just upsets me so much that I can’t tell them about how...how I know you would never do any of the things you used to do because...I know that you love me...I wish I could tell others about you and me...that we could be together and not be afraid of anything...and I’m jealous of all the girls who everyone wants to see you with...jealous because they can be with you and...and I can’t!”
“But you are with me!” Dave said, unable to suppress a laugh.
“I know but...what I mean is...these girls can have you and…”
“THEY CAN’T HAVE ME!” Dave exclaimed, exasperated.
“No I mean...if you wanted to be with them instead of me,” Mick tried to explain as best he could what he actually meant, but Dave did not get it at all.
“I don’t want to be with them,” Dave sighed. “It’s you I love, only you, and it’s only you I want to sleep with. Have to admit though, it’s not easy…”
“Yes, that’s my point,” Mick said sounding very sad. “It would be easier for you if you loved a girl and not me...you wouldn’t have to…”
“It would be easier yes but that’s not what I want!” Dave sounded angrier than he intended to, but he was tired of Ray and nearly everyone else painting him in a bad light. “It’s you I want, only you!
“I know,” Mick said, tearing up again. “I love you Dave, so much...that’s why it gets me down so much...you know...and it doesn’t help getting nightmares too, doesn’t help my mood one bit.”
“What are your nightmares mainly about?” Dave asked kindly. “Still about your past or am I in them too?”
“No it’s always nice when I dream about you,” Mick said, smiling a little as he thought of some of the dreams he had had about Dave even before they got together. “But yes I still have nightmares about my past...about my mother...Ted...about being locked in a room...chained to a chair naked...horrible things that I can’t explain...and when I wake up I’m so upset I can’t get back to sleep, so the next day I’m tired and...just messed up...I thought meeting up with Steve would take my mind off it.”
“And didn’t it?” Dave asked.
“Yeah it did...for a little while we had fun,” Mick admitted, “but then we saw Ray and Pete...and Cathy was there too...then it all sort of went downhill from there cos…”
“Cos then they started talking about me?” Dave finished the sentence for him.
“Well yeah,” Mick nodded. “What happened was, Steve had to go back cos he was doing band stuff, Cathy went into a shop and left me, Ray and Pete outside to talk...that’s when Ray, obviously feeling like a spare part because Pete and Cathy were together and his own girlfriend was working, so he was down in the dumps, started talking about you...how he was sometimes scared you’d take Emma away, that he couldn’t have any girl because you were always there to spoil everything. I told him not to be silly and that Emma loved him, Pete said the same and that Ray worried too much. I tried to tell him that you weren’t interested in Emma…but I couldn’t think of a way to tell him without risking giving the game away, because then he started saying you used to go for anything in a skirt and he was just waiting any day for you to start behaving like that again.”
“Yeah...I guess I can understand where he’s coming from,” Dave said sadly. “Because as you well know I did use to be like that...the only reason I told you was because I wanted to be honest with you...that I’d never been into men until you came along...not really...at least I don’t think so but...I guess I was always confused because I felt like something was missing...don’t know how to explain it really...only that you make my life complete.”
“I’m sorry I don’t know why I got so upset,” Mick sighed.
“I’m sorry you had to find out like that,” Dave said, putting his hand affectionately on Mick’s knee. “I should have told you about what I did with Ray’s girlfriend because…”
“Umm...no thanks!” Mick said, a disgusted look on his face. “I don’t want know the gory details of the things you did with her!”
Dave laughed, “No, no I meant I should have just told you that I’d fucked her, not the gory details...silly!”
“Oh right,” Mick blushed. “Obviously I misunderstood you a bit there.”
“Trust me,” Dave said, shaking his head, “you really DON’T want the gory details...for a start she was a big girl!”
“Really?” Mick said, intrigued...and for some reason feeling a little better at hearing this.
“Yeah she was on the overweight side was Sharon,” Dave told him. “She had a pretty face though, and was bubbly and loud...mind you, she could be a bit of a bully too, she pushed Lorna into a thorn bush once.”
“Oh dear,” Mick said, suddenly not feeling so much jealous but intrigued. “Why?”
“Not quite sure to be honest,” Dave replied with a shrug. “They just had a disagreement over something...to be honest I think Sharon decided to be a bully so that she wouldn’t get bullied...ya know...for being...well...fat...and I think Ray kind of admired her for that...not for being a bully but refusing to be bullied...he sort of...developed a thing for her over time, even he doesn’t know why he started liking her the way he did because she was a bit of a bitch a lot of the time but...one day he approached her and asked her out...surprised she said yes but...well there you have it.”
“But what made you want to...well...you know?” Mick asked, suddenly very interested in this story, whereas before he had been so upset by it.
“You mean what made me shag her behind the shed?” Dave said, raising an eyebrow and grinning.
Mick nodded.
“Ah...well you won’t be impressed I’m afraid,” Dave warned him. “I did it out of pure revenge.”
“What? Why?” Mick asked. “What had Ray done to make you think you could do that to him?”
“Well you know I was a nasty little cunt in those days,” Dave looked ashamed of himself. “Ray had pissed me off and I just thought I’d get my own back...and I’d already found out that Sharon was seeing a boy from another school too, yes she was cheating on my brother anyway so I didn’t think she’d have a problem having sex with me, and I was right, she didn’t, the fat slag!”
“Dave that’s not nice,” Mick scolded his boyfriend.
“Well she was!” Dave insisted.
“Yes but what about you?” Mick pointed out. “You were just as bad, you slept around...and don’t you dare say it was different for you because you were a lad and it was allowed, because it wasn’t…”
“Bloody hell Mick you’re as bad as bloody Pete,” Dave said rolling his eyes. “He was always telling me that too - ‘it’s as wrong for a man as it is for a woman’ he would say. Guess he does have a point...I mean as you know I was with a lot of girls...and I remember Pete saying if no girl ever lifted her skirt, who was a man supposed to do it with?”
“Well he’s right,” Mick told him. “It’s such hypocrisy really...like...guys are allowed to sleep around with whoever they want but if a woman does the same she’s a slut...that is just...backwards thinking!”
“I suppose you’re right,” Dave sighed. “And yes, as you well know I was a horrible kid, I really was, and I understand now why Ray resents me so much. I still should have told you about Sharon way before today, because then you wouldn’t have had to hear it from Ray and got so upset with me.”
“It doesn’t help that I was tired,” Mick said. “I’m sorry to have made such a fuss.”
“Oh it’s okay honey I understand,” Dave said, giving Mick a kiss on the side of his head. “Look babe, if there’s anything else you want to know about me that I haven’t told you already, please let me know...well I think I’ve told you pretty much everything I remember.”
“Well I know you broke a lot of hearts,” Mick sighed. “I know you behaved badly, that’s all I need to know, but that’s all in the past and you’re different now.”
“Only because of you,” Dave told him, taking Mick’s arm and leaning his head on the drummers shoulder. “You brought out the best in me, changed me for the better...you know I was never truly happy til you came along.”
“You make me happy too,” Mick smiled sweetly. He really had cheered up considerably now. “Oh...off subject but...you and I have somewhere to go in a few days.”
“Do we?” Dave asked, looking into Mick’s eyes. “Where?”
“Emma’s house,” Mick told him. “Ray, despite his bad mood, told us that we’re all invited to her house on Wednesday, for lunch.”
“Wow...that’s nice of her but...well doesn’t she live in Hertfordshire?” Dave asked.
“Yeah but don’t worry I’ll get us there,” Mick said giving Dave a hug. He really was feeling so much better after having that heart to heart with Dave. “Pete’s going, Cathy’s going...yeah should be fun really, and it’ll be nice for us all to do something together that isn’t band stuff...ya know...to just relax and socialise.”
“Yeah...socialise,” Dave said, looking doubtful. “Not something you and I do very often is it? For obvious reasons.”
“Yeah I know what you mean babe,” Mick chuckled. “But we don’t want to be seen as...well...unsociable do we? So I think sometimes we have to make the effort; besides, it’s just lunch at somebody’s house, not too bad really.”
“I suppose not,” Dave agreed. “Yeah okay. We’ll go, and I’ll try not to fight with Ray.”
“I need a shower,” Mick said, getting up and once again wrapping the blanket around him. “Care to join me?”
“Don’t mind if I do,” Dave got up and took Mick’s hand and they both headed for the bathroom.
Notes:
NEXT CHAPTER (even though I have no idea when it will be posted): The gang meet up at Emma's house...I've imagined the scene for a very long time...created it in 2014 when I first started getting interested in the Kinks.
Chapter 33
Summary:
Emma prepares her home for a visit from the Kinks, and Cathy worries she isn't good enough for Pete. WARNING: SMUTTY FANTASIES, DISTURBING MEMORIES AND NO SLASH IN THIS CHAPTER!
Notes:
It's been so long since I updated this story, or any of my stories for that matter, partly because, even though I know where this story is going, I have no idea how to write a lot of it, plus something happened to me that I never ever thought would happen, I have a new fandom and it's not RPF. Even though this story is still my baby and always will be, I will be a lot slower in updating it...who knows, I could even be on my deathbed by the time I finish the last chapter LOL. But anyway, here is the latest installment. There has been a lot about Mick and Dave as the story is mainly about them but this chapter focuses on Emma and Cathy...and Pete, so no slash here I'm afraid. Anyway I hope you like it and for those who have been waiting for an update, thank you for your patience : )
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Love me til the sun shines
Chapter 33
Although the past few months had been like a dream to Emma, it did not look like things were going to go back to normal any time soon...if they ever would. Just when she thought things could not get any more crazy, she found herself busily preparing her house for a visit from not only her boyfriend, Ray Davies, but also the other three members of the Kinks and Ready steady Go’s Cathy McGowan, who had a few free days that week and as she had nothing else to do, had agreed to come along with boyfriend Pete Quaife and meet up with everyone there.
Emma had the house to herself because her dad was out for the day visiting her mother at the hospital where she was held indefinitely. She still got the shivers whenever she thought back to that day seven years ago, when her own mother had tried to kill her with a kitchen knife, believing that her daughter was a demon sent from hell.
Emma still could not believe she had revealed the whole thing to Ray on their first date; indeed, she had no idea why she felt so comfortable telling him such a thing, but it turned out that Ray’s own life was not exactly straightforward either, so there was no reason for him to freak out. It was one of the many reasons she had grown to love the musician in the short time she had known him, whereas before, had their paths not crossed, it was certain that she would not have looked at him twice...if she had just been watching him on television, looking at a picture of him or reading about him in some newspaper or magazine, he would have done nothing for her.
Emma had even made it clear that she had not been the biggest Kinks fan prior to meeting him and even though she had grown to like a fair few of his songs, she had only been at the concert that time because her friend had pretty much dragged her there. Ray was fine with this; all that mattered was, they had met...and somehow they were right for one another...somehow they were meant to be.
It was a miracle they had actually met; he had taken an interest in her...more than just an interest it seemed. Then she had got to know him, and him her...and in such a short time, the two felt a deep, strong connection...he was her soulmate. The more she had got to know him, the more attractive, both inside and out he had become.
He was kind, respectful...he had not even brought up the subject of a sexual relationship yet or even tried it on with her in that way. Ray was a gentleman. Whenever he kissed her, his kisses were gentle; a lot of men were rough and forceful. He had never once touched her in a way that made her uncomfortable. She had been on a couple of disastrous dates before and both times, the men in question failed to show respect. The first one had forced his tongue into her mouth, holding her face roughly, causing her to bruise. The second one had been worse; he had put his hand inside her dress while kissing her and before she could stop him had cupped his hand round her left breast...luckily with his hand on the outside of her bra; she had defended herself against him, pushing him away screaming “How dare you!”
What had angered her the most was that the man could not understand why she reacted the way she did when she had been ‘nice’ all evening and if she didn’t want guys ‘touching her’ or even ‘paying her compliments’ then maybe she should stay at home, indoors where no man would ever see her. At the time, she had believed he was right, that it was her own fault simply for existing at all. This was why, even though she had decided that very evening she met Ray and he had given her his number that she liked him, she had initially been reluctant to call him as he had asked.
It was only because of Sarah that she had done so at all, “If he does decide to be a creep,” Sarah had said to her nervous friend, “you can always tell him where to go like you did with the last two.”
So here she was now...she had a famous boyfriend, her life was changing...permanently she hoped. Yes she still had her job, was still working nine to five and of course she knew there was still a chance it may not work out with Ray and that her life could easily go back to the way things were before...but she would be no worse off...she supposed. She was not exactly unhappy with the way her life had been...just a bit predictable with waking up every weekday, going to work, coming home and cooking dinner for herself and her father. She would then do whatever took her fancy each evening be it reading, playing music, watching the television that she had not long since bought for the house but her dad had said it was the best thing she had done in a long time, because now he had something different to take his mind off things...like his lunatic wife.
At the weekend she usually either went running or rode her bike...just for the exercise and to get out of the house for a while so long as the weather was fine; if the weather was not fine she would stay home and do her needlework, read or bake a cake. Sometimes she baked for her local church when they had a summer or Christmas fayre. Sometimes they held cake baking competitions; she had once won the second prize, which was great with it having been her first time entering...and with her being so young and inexperienced it was a miracle. Yet it made some of the older, more experienced ladies a little jealous...one of them had even looked put out and resentful that such a young girl had done better than her.
Lately, Emma noticed that at work also, she had one or two work colleagues making snide remarks; Emma knew it was only since it had somehow become common knowledge that she was dating a member of a band that had not long since rose to fame.
Comments like, “Don’t let it go to your head” and “Make the most of it” were just a few of the things she had to put up with in the office. It did not bother her; she knew these women were jealous...indeed even before Ray, she had often been on the receiving end of a lot of bitchiness and resentment due to her prettiness that her work colleagues could not compete with. She had never intended to make it known that she was dating Ray Davies at all; after all, why should her private life have anything to do with work? She certainly did not see it as being anyone else’s business...really the only thing she had told a few of the ladies she got on with was that she had a boyfriend and had met him at the Kinks concert she had been to...that was not a lie. She sometimes felt annoyed that some of these women seemed to think they just came to work to gossip about others, to pry into people’s lives...sometimes it seemed that she was the only one who did any work at all...or at least the only one who did not spend the whole day talking when there was work to be done; what was the point? After all, they were not paid to gossip.
Emma thought of her work colleagues as she tidied up the cushions on the living room sofa, feeling utterly glad that she was away from them today. Her life was turning out well so far and she would not let anyone’s jealousy ruin that.
She looked at the clock, then her eyes widened in alarm as she remembered the chocolate cake that she had in the oven. It was two minutes late in coming out. She quickly ran to the kitchen and grabbed her oven gloves. She could smell the delicious chocolate, it made her mouth water but she hoped the cake was not over cooked. Emma quickly took out the cake and put it to one side. She had got it out just in time thank goodness. She would leave it to cool then fill it with jam and cream.
Now to feed Smokey the cat. So much work to do and so little time.
Cathy McGowan was already worried when she heard of how pretty the new girlfriend of Ray Davies was. She would never admit it of course because she did not want to come across as being jealous and insecure. What worried her was that her own boyfriend Pete would take a liking to this Emma and...not necessarily go off with her but that he might be jealous of Ray and that he might wish that he had a girlfriend as pretty as that or he might wish that she looked more like Emma.
She never mentioned these worries to Pete, and Pete had certainly never given any clue that he felt any differently towards her since Emma had come on the scene...it was just that sometimes, she wished that more guys would chase after her a little more, not because she wanted to sleep around because she was just not that sort of girl, but just to know that she was fanciable...because sometimes she worried that Pete was only dating her because she had been the first girl in a long time to be nice to him. She knew that Pete had been hurt and messed about by girls in the past and...what if Pete was only dating her because she was a safe bet and because he knew that she was besotted with him and that she would never go off with another man? Cathy knew that Pete trusted her...but Cathy was sometimes in the habit of reading into things. As she sat in the passenger seat beside her boyfriend who was driving, all these paranoid thoughts began to go round in her head.
Maybe Pete knows I won’t cheat on him because no other guy would be interested in me anyway, she thought to herself, getting a sinking feeling and she had no idea where it had come from at all. Maybe he just feels safe with me because he knows that no guy will ever want me and...I’m too ugly to cheat on him! Oh no...maybe that’s why he hasn’t slept with me yet...maybe he doesn’t want to...what if he’s only taking me to meet Emma because he fancies her? What if he’s hoping she will break up with Ray and…
Her ridiculous thoughts were suddenly interrupted by Pete, “What’s wrong hon?” He asked her. “You don’t look too happy...you look really pale. Are you okay?”
She looked pale? Then again, those horrible thoughts had indeed made her feel almost unwell...like she suddenly wanted to go back home and hide away...no one would miss her anyway...would they?
Cathy could not answer straight away; she did not quite know what was wrong with her, but she had been feeling like this ever since she had heard about Emma and that time when she had seen her briefly with Ray, she had felt even worse.
Pete fancies her I just know it, Cathy had, at the time thought to herself. She was not sure she even wanted to meet this Emma after all. She was so sure that Pete was going to be secretly comparing her to Emma.
When Cathy was still unable to speak, Pete asked her again, “Cathy what’s wrong?”
“Nothing why would anything be wrong?” She snapped...then automatically felt bad. “Sorry...didn’t mean to...I’m just feeling...probably travel sick I think. Can we stop the car for a minute so I can get some fresh air?”
“Well we’re nearly there lovey,” Pete told her gently, then placed his hand on her knee. “Open the window if you’re feeling sick.”
“Oh it’s like that is it?” Cathy was unable to keep her feelings in any longer. “You can’t wait to get there and see her can you?”
“What?” Pete asked, totally confused and bewildered at his girlfriend’s sudden outburst. “What are you talking about Cathy...see who?”
“Oh who do you think?” Cathy snapped at him again, an angry tear escaping before she could stop it. “Emma!”
“W...what about Emma?” He asked. “I think we need to stop the car after all because I think I might have missed something here.”
“Don’t play innocent with me Pete!” Cathy continued to argue with him as he pulled over. “I know why you wanted us to go to that girl’s house today.”
“Cathy…” Pete turned off the engine and when he turned to look at her, he could see how upset she looked and knew they needed to talk before going any further. “Look I don’t understand I thought you wanted to meet up with everyone at Emma’s house so we could all get to know each other.”
“I do,” Cathy sighed wiping away another tear. “I’m sorry darling I...I don’t know why I’m feeling like this...that time of the month maybe.” Cathy knew she was lying.
“Really?” Pete asked, a disbelieving look on his face. “Come on tell me what’s really bugging you hon. What is it? You’ve been quiet for the whole journey.”
Cathy did not want to admit what her problem was, but she knew she could not really get out of it now, not if she wanted to have a serious relationship with the Kinks’ bass player. He was a good man, and he deserved to know how she really felt.
“I’m sorry I’ve just been thinking of all this stuff you know...ever since I first saw Emma that time...and ever since I saw how pretty she is...and how pretty everyone else has been saying she is and...I’m just worried you know.”
“Worried about what honey?” Pete asked, looking confused, but Cathy was still convinced that Pete probably knew what she meant.
“You know,” she said sulkily, not wanting to say any more and looking away from him out of the window.
“Erm...well no I don’t know,” Pete raised his voice just a little. Cathy thought he must be feeling frustrated. “Honey what’s wrong with you?”
Cathy really did not want to talk about it, but she also did not want to ruin the whole day, because what if she really was just being paranoid and jealous?
However, she was finding it awkward trying to find the right words to say to her boyfriend to explain to him how she was feeling, so she said, still looking out of the window, “I don’t really want to talk about it. Can we just forget it and get going?”
“No we can’t Cathy sorry!” Pete said, determined to get out of his girlfriend what was troubling her. “No because if you’re just going to sit there and not talk to me then how the hell can I help you? I don’t want to go to somebody’s house and spend the day with our friends with you in a mood like this...so you either tell me what’s wrong or we go home. Choice is yours!”
Cathy knew there was no getting out of it now, so she sighed and looked at her boyfriend...she may as well tell him, “Oh Pete, I just sometimes think that...you’re only with me because...well for the sake of being with somebody...until maybe someone better comes along.”
“Wh...what the hell...why would you think something like that?” He asked her, a puzzled look on his face. “Why would I be with you if I didn’t want to be?”
“I dunno,” Cathy said in a sad and depressed voice. “Maybe because when you met me you hadn’t had a girlfriend in a while and so because I was friendly to you maybe you thought you’d…”
“What...you think I’m just with you cos I think that no-one else will have me is that it?” Pete asked in disbelief. “Cos let me assure you Cathy that you are so wrong. Sweetheart, I can have any number of girls if I so choose. Every time I play a concert I hear my name being screamed out every five minutes or so...there are plenty of girls out there who would want me...if I so wanted I could take advantage of any girl I please...but I don’t...and I won’t. You know why, not just because I don’t want to but because I have respect not only for myself but for those girls in question. Unlike a lot of guys in the same boat as me, I choose not to sleep with the young ladies who throw themselves at me because I don’t believe in it...it’s wrong to sleep with someone just because they freely give themself to you. Not only that, I’m not interested because I want to be with you and only you.”
“But what about Emma?” Cathy asked him, determined to know one way or the other if he liked her or not.
“What about her?” Pete asked in bewilderment.
“Oh surely you must have noticed her.”
“What do you mean ‘I must have noticed her’? Pete asked, still not understanding what this whole conversation was about.
“I mean...do you not wish that I was...that I looked more like that?”
“What?” Pete was taken aback and confused. Just where had this come from? “I don’t...don’t understand Cathy why you would get an idea like that? Why would I want you to look more like Emma?”
“Well...she’s prettier than me,” Cathy said sadly. “She has model looks and I…”
“Cathy that’s ridiculous!” Pete said, rolling his eyes. “Are all women supposed to have the same face and the same body then? You are you, Emma’s Emma.”
“So you do like me for me and the way I look?” Cathy asked him, determined to know one way or the other if Pete’s intentions were pure, even though she knew deep down just how ridiculous she was being.
“Honey…” Pete let out a big sigh before he could say any more. “I really don’t understand where all this has come from...I mean...I thought you and I were happy together.”
“We were...I mean...we are,” Cathy corrected herself. “I’ve never been happier since you and I got together and since I met you I’ve never stopped talking about ‘my boyfriend’ and how proud I am to be seen with you and how lovely you are but sometimes...I can’t help but feel like some things are all too good to be true...when you asked me out on a date I couldn’t believe it and…”
“And you seemed so surprised I thought you were going to say no,” Pete said. “To begin with...well the way you reacted, I thought I’d overstepped the mark by asking you out like...I’ve got some real nerve for daring to…”
“Only because I thought you might be way out of my league,” Cathy reassured him, putting her hand affectionately on his arm and stroking it gently. “Or that I wasn’t good enough for you or that someone like you would have more important things to do...I was surprised to find out you didn’t have a girlfriend already...just couldn’t believe it which was why I couldn’t speak for a minute or so, because I was taken aback that you were actually interested... in me!”
“And I was taken aback when you were eyeing up Dave!” Pete said, shaking his head, then laughing.
“Only because I didn’t know how young he was,” Cathy laughed. “At the time I thought he was the cutest; he had such a lovely face...but then you told me a bit about him later on and then I thought well...putting his age aside...he doesn’t sound like someone I could rely on very well...he’d probably break my heart...just like I’m still scared you’re going to do.”
“Honey that will never happen!” Pete took hold of her face and looked into her eyes. “You’re my girl...my only girl...I love you okay?”
“You really mean that...you love me?” Cathy could not believe what he had actually said because until today, they had simply dated and enjoyed each other’s company. There had been no talk of moving in together or getting too serious. They were boyfriend and girlfriend and that was that. Up until now, they had been having fun but had been completely loyal to one another...but neither of them had dared to say those three words up until today.
“Yes, I do,” Pete said warmly. “I’m so proud to call you my girlfriend. You’re fun, intelligent, kind and beautiful...but honey you’ve got to stop being so jealous every time another girl shows up on the scene...I mean...what are you going to do when Mick and Dave get girlfriends?”
“They still haven’t got girlfriends?” Cathy asked, her eyes widened in surprise.
“No...not that I know of anyway,” Pete shrugged. “But anyway never mind about them, let’s just talk about you and me yeah?”
“That’s all I care about, you and me,” Cathy said, leaning forward to kiss him. It was quite a long, lingering kiss, then pulling away she added, “and I’m really proud to call you my boyfriend...I can’t even tell you.”
“So now you believe me when I tell you I’m not interested in Emma?” Pete asked her, raising his eyebrows.
“Yes of course I do,” Cathy replied, feeling silly for ever bringing it up, and then kissing him passionately.
“And for the record,” Pete told her after he broke away from the kiss, “there are guys who want to date you!”
“I don’t believe it,” Cathy replied objectively.
“Of course there are,” Pete told her. “I just did what the other guys didn’t dare to do...I asked you out. I still get guys coming up to me...guys who have performed on Ready Steady Go and said to me how they couldn’t believe that I’d dared to ask you out and how they wish they had asked you when they had the chance.”
“Wow,” Cathy murmured, taking it in. “That was unexpected...which guys have said that then?”
“I’m not telling you,” Pete replied as he started the car.
“Oh why not?” Cathy asked him. “I’m curious!”
“Never you mind,” Pete told her as he started to drive away from the kerb.
Although Cathy was curious as to who had wanted to ask her out before, Pete would not tell her. She did not care anyway because she had cheered up considerably and was glad that she and Pete had had that little talk; they certainly needed it. Cathy felt she was truly growing more and more in love with Pete with every passing day. He gave her butterflies and sometimes she thought naughty things about him, wanting him to do things to her that were too disgusting to talk about and she had no idea where these thoughts had come from, sometimes she felt guilty because she was quite sure Pete would be disgusted.
For the rest of the journey she found herself thinking of what she wanted to do with Pete, one of them being undressing and standing naked right in front of him, of lying naked on the bed and of Pete exploring her body, kissing her all over, of him doing things to her that she was sure he would not want to do. She wanted to open her legs for him, she wanted him to look closely at her lady parts, to take hold of her by the hips, lift her and place his mouth over her pussy.
Without realising it, Cathy began to drift into her own world. She and Pete were back at her flat, her whole body and soul had a deep longing for him, she felt guilty and aroused all at the same time. She was quite sure her mother would not approve, but in that moment, she did not care. She was an adult anyway. She and Pete were kissing fiercely, he picked her up and held her against the wall, her legs wrapped around his waist, her whole body, tingling with pleasure, she was longing to take all her clothes off, and his…
“CATHY!”
She was suddenly awoken from her daydream...she gasped in shock as she realised she was back in the car with Pete and that they were both fully clothed once again.
“Cathy, we’re here!” Pete told her. “It’s time to get out of the car and go and meet Emma!”
“Sorry babe...I was miles away,” Cathy said, dreamily, hoping that she had not made it too obvious what she had just been thinking of.
“Clearly,” Pete said, a look of slight concern. “But it’s time to go and meet our friends.”
Notes:
Thanks for taking the time to read, the next chapter will likely be a scene that I first started playing in my head in 2014 and I found to be quite funny, it features Emma, Cathy and the four Kinks.
Chapter Text
***UPDATE***
I changed my mind, I'm keeping this account, just might be changing the name, not sure what yet!
IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT!
I will no longer be using this account because I want to make a fresh start away from people I have issues with. I have been hurt by so-called friends and I am not going to stand for it anymore, I will not be abandoning these stories entirely or deleting them as they mean so much to me, but from now on you can find them on my other account that I have just created, Sunset_Woods. I will be moving them over there assuming that is allowed. I won't be removing them from here just yet so you can still read them on here for the time being. There is a chance my account is being reported and no idea if or when that will happen, I'm not saying I am entirely innocent as I have made poor choices out of anger but I have been hurt and abandoned, not saying that is an excuse for my recent behaviour, but that's the reason I have chosen to do this. Wishing you all the best and perhaps I will either update one of my current WIPs or post some new material.
See you all soon on my new account, and thank you.
Gina Callen (CALLEN37) on Chapter 1 Sat 21 Nov 2015 09:57AM UTC
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Missy_Doll on Chapter 1 Sat 21 Nov 2015 07:55PM UTC
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Lulin (Guest) on Chapter 1 Sun 13 Jan 2019 08:31PM UTC
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Missy_Doll on Chapter 1 Mon 14 Jan 2019 10:25PM UTC
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MrsThorfinnRowle on Chapter 1 Sun 05 May 2019 02:57PM UTC
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Missy_Doll on Chapter 1 Tue 07 May 2019 09:27PM UTC
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MrsThorfinnRowle on Chapter 1 Tue 07 May 2019 09:51PM UTC
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Missy_Doll on Chapter 6 Fri 05 Feb 2016 10:10PM UTC
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Malivrag on Chapter 8 Thu 17 Mar 2016 06:12AM UTC
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Missy_Doll on Chapter 8 Thu 17 Mar 2016 10:50AM UTC
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Malivrag on Chapter 10 Sun 03 Apr 2016 04:19AM UTC
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Missy_Doll on Chapter 10 Mon 04 Apr 2016 03:28PM UTC
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Taco (Guest) on Chapter 10 Tue 19 May 2020 06:10AM UTC
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Missy_Doll on Chapter 10 Tue 19 May 2020 06:44PM UTC
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Taco (Guest) on Chapter 12 Tue 19 May 2020 06:37AM UTC
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Missy_Doll on Chapter 12 Tue 19 May 2020 06:47PM UTC
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Ellen (Guest) on Chapter 13 Thu 09 Jun 2016 06:40AM UTC
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Missy_Doll on Chapter 13 Thu 09 Jun 2016 09:07AM UTC
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Gina Callen (CALLEN37) on Chapter 31 Sat 11 Nov 2017 05:46PM UTC
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Missy_Doll on Chapter 31 Sat 18 Nov 2017 08:47PM UTC
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