Chapter Text
No one wants to admit that their childhood self was extremely cringy.
For most, those embarrassing puberty years simply did not exist. If the purpose of recalling the memory wasn't to reminisce then it simply did not happen. It was, after all, easier to laugh and joke about the one kid from Class A when that kid wasn't you. It was just easier to be another face in the crowd as he pulled strings to stage an elaborate love confession. Like you weren't pretending that somehow if it weren't for your presence, the confession wouldn't have gone so smoothly. Pretending beyond pretending like you weren't entertaining the idea that you had some kind of latent superpower to ensure that person’s confession’s smooth sailing.
Kitajima Maya knew all about that.
At age twenty-four, she was at the center of what happens after maturing out of those years of childish delusion. By now, Maya mastered the art of laughing along to all the hilarity attached to the blatant cases, nitpicked at the ones that weren't so obvious, and gave looks at those that refused to see what everyone else was seeing.
She was no stranger to embarrassing stories. It just came with the territory. Maya knew how to pull a reaction whenever her group of friends rounded on another bout down memory lane. If it weren't her friends digging up their junior high years together, then it was her own mom coming for her dignity.
Which, in her opinion, wasn't all that bad. It wasn't like she didn't mind it after all. Albeit painfully embarrassing at times, Maya loved it whenever one of her friends brought up the origins of her love for the supernatural. Or when her mom randomly lit up and stopped whatever she was doing to act out whatever memory popped into her mind. There was something about the way Natsuko didn't look off-put at all whenever she recalled Maya's notorious black circles from nights staying up too late to watch cryptid shows. And there was something about the way her mom would lay a hand on her cheek and just smile at her daughter's puzzled expression as she dropped another anecdote.
For Maya, it was a nice change from the monotony of their lives.
Working from the philosophy that a person only truly matures after you acknowledge how much of a weirdo you used to be, the constant reminiscing worked in her favour. She saw the faults of her old behaviour, worked on herself until those flaws became strengths and qualities that just solidified her place as a twenty-four-year-old working adult in this new bustling environment.
So really, it didn't bother her at all that she didn't remember anything from those years.
Maya didn't remember the Grand Gym Confession. She didn't remember the Opening Ceremony or the Opening Speech. She didn't remember Homeroom with Kobayashi-sensei. She didn't remember failing a test and calling Natsuko at 3 AM in tears before appearing the next morning with a newfound confidence towards the make-up exam scheduled on her birthday.
She didn't remember any of it.
She didn't remember feeling weird under her own skin. Didn't really have a chance to directly address her own absurdities and grow into a more mature adult despite that. Didn't actually know that she had to grow and where. She just forced herself to take off from the stories other people had told of her.
It was like one day she just woke up and suddenly she went from lackadaisically enjoying her tween years to moving to a new town and in a new high school that she didn't even remember preparing to do the exam for.
By the time Maya finally had the chance to recollect herself through the changes, everyone around her was already reminiscing.
So she just went with it.
After all, she didn't need to pitch in to say that the Grand Gym Confession was a success because someone else was happy to bring up the pair’s upcoming marriage anyways. Opening Ceremony and the speech? Done, it was all recorded in their yearbook as one of the most memorable events to ever be experienced by man thanks to a certain redhead. Homeroom was so broad and eventful that Maya could probably open a manga and read out the following events and all Natsuko had to do was affirm it to be true.
Her mom picked up where her former classmates and friends skirted over. Her mom, who ghosted around their house after their move, was all too happy to embarrass her oldest daughter whenever she had the chance. Sometimes she'd tease until Maya was red to the ears, and other times she'd nitpick her daughter’s former bad habits that'd surface without Maya knowing. Her mom’s tone would always be too light to be chiding.
Maya would always just roll her eyes, preferring this over the woman who'd run her hands under the tap in a daze whenever she thought no one was home.
Her school friends covered her eccentric junior high school life. Her mom covered her equally eccentric home life.
Along with her friendship with one Minamino Shuuichi.
Which, at the age of twenty-four, Maya knew she should've paid more attention to. Especially considering that they were out-of-touch childhood best friends. From what her mom recalled, they were as tight as glue on paper. Apparently, the two families used to be very close before his father passed away. After that, someone pushed someone else away and now the two families hardly ever talked.
Any other twenty-four-year-old would have reached out by now.
Which was a demographic that Maya, whether it was a slight to her character or not was still debatable, did not fall under.
Despite that, Maya's mom would have the biggest smile whenever she remembered the days when all was well and her little girl was still her little girl coping with puberty alongside her best friend's little boy.
It was a smile that never failed to brighten Maya’s evening after a long day running through after-school activities and homework. Maya could go on about how at peace her mom would be whenever she reminisced about those days. How she'd slide a chair and just relax and talk in that whispered and reassuring tone that was such a rarity these days. Her mom’s eyes would wrinkle at the corners, her dimples dug deeper into her cheeks, her fingers traced circles over Maya's hands where nowadays the older woman would shy away from physical intimacy.
Telling her mom that she didn't remember a thing from these years– or even 'infamous' Shuuichi himself- was out of the question.
Maya lived for whenever her mom brightened up. At this point, Maya was absolutely starving for physical affection. Her heart thrummed whenever her mom rose out of her self-made silence. She'd be an idiot to ruin that.
So instead, Maya would hum and pretend that she knew the boy her mom would sing songs about. The boy that little Maya grew up with. She held on to every detail her mom reminisced, moving them onto paper when she found that repeating them verbatim wouldn't work when she'd only forget by the time she fell asleep. She'd stare at the picture her mom put up by the countertop and imagine how the boy who grew up so well that he had fourteen-year-old Maya all kinds of stuttering would be like today. Try to act out the part of the adult who matured out of her so-called "first love".
The picture on the countertop depicting the two during some summer festival held every element her mom said their friendship had. From his mischievousness as his fourteen-year-old form held frozen a single dango stick high above her fourteen-year-old head. To her competitive nature told by her frozen midjump as she used his shoulders to catapult herself upwards. To their subtle way of looking out for one another– with the bottom half of his yukata stretched out wide in a stance that was ready to catch her if she slammed her entire weight on him. And to the ever-foretold look that made it so obvious to everyone else that the two were in their own world in this candid moment captured before her.
With his cropped red hair and stunning green eyes, the boy in the picture fit every descriptor her mom supplied him with to the T. Even under the festival lighting, you could still see his vivid colourings.
The wide grins on both of their faces screamed childish intimacy like no other.
Despite not remembering a thing from the time, it was her favourite picture.
Even if she didn't know why.
Her first actual memory of Minamino Shuuichi– the one she refused to utter to anyone other than her uncles– was during a high school study camp.
It was also the first thing she thought of when she saw him years later standing over a fallen food vendor, staring back at her despite the zoumen obscuring her features.
The thing with school study camps is that her high school usually took them to the mountains for three days. This particular year, her high school partnered up with another school that was also using the grounds and extended the course to span a week to "strengthen school ties and forge new bonds".
Which just meant more free time.
More time to explore the mountains and catch fish by the riverbanks. Wander the forest and make impromptu tests of courage with the other school past curfew.
Or if you were Maya, who signed her week away on a bet to rank within the top ten in exchange for being allowed to spend the summer away with her mom in the countryside where they used to live, study until the entire curriculum became tattooed behind your eyes.
Which meant, of course, being kicked out of the building because as her homeroom teacher would say "you're wasting away your youth, go get some fresh air. Be young. There's more to life than just studying."
Which, all in all, was good advice but said to a girl who spent the previous night redoing her entire workbook– not all that effective.
It was only until she was marched off to some nearby hill that she finally tried to properly orient herself in the real world.
She didn't realize she wandered her way up one of the smaller hills behind the building they studied in until she stumbled over the steps to a small shrine.
Scrambling to put her notes down on a dry patch of grass, Maya fell into a familiar pattern of paying her respects. A habit drawn from her mom. Long ago, maybe when Maya was around five years old, her mom got into the habit of beating the routine of offering a prayer whenever they happened across a shrine into her brain. Her mom trained her to such a point that now it was an automatic response whenever she happened across even the smallest of shrines. She didn't even question it anymore. She didn't even feel like she had to justify it either, she just did it. Most of the time she was by herself, she had nothing to prove other than her mom raised her right to whatever forest ghost was watching.
But nonetheless, she did acknowledge that it made a weird sight.
Clapping her hands and saying a silent prayer, Maya spent those precious moments wishing to the guardian of the shrine to somehow allow her to transcend space-time and rank her high on her upcoming exams. She was so focused on her prayer that she missed the sound of someone approaching from behind. She was praying so hard that she didn't even realize there was another person there until she completed her standing bow and gazed upon a pair of maroon pants beside her.
To say she was startled was an understatement, she was close to cursing if it weren't for the fact she was near holy ground and the innate fear that somehow her mom would find out kept her mouth shut. Maya could practically feel her heart jump out of her chest as she quickly straightened up. Hoping beyond anything else that this wouldn't result in weird rumours being circulated about her.
Mortification crawled up her spine as her thoughts ran marathons in her head. Cursing how no matter how much she prided herself on being open-minded and imaginative and proud of her upbring, not one thing came to mind to possibly save her from social exclusion. Cursing that she even had to think of an excuse to explain herself. Cursing how Natsuko would probably murder her if she found out that she was up to her "supernatural shenanigans" again and how "I thought you left that all behind when you started high school".
All she wanted to do was go to the countryside with her mom. Just wanted to hang out where her mom, of all people, was happiest. She didn't need a classmate giving her hell because she "was beyond weird" and "was obsessive enough about her grades that she'd turn to the occult at the drop of the hat". Which to Maya was ridiculous considering how well visited the big shrine by the high school was during New Years.
All her attempts at blending with the status quo erased. Just for paying proper respects to a worn-out shrine in the middle of the woods.
She wasn't even sure if that bet she made with her dad was even worth it at this point if she was only going to be known as the "occultist" for the rest of her high school career out of some hyper-embellished rumour.
When Maya finally mustered the courage to meet his stare, she wasn't sure who went more rigid.
The tall Meiou student, who almost flinched away from her when their eyes met.
Or her, who's blood immediately ran cold upon realising just who stood before her.
The amused expression on his face was quashed almost instantly for something else that she didn't know how to explain. Minamino Shuuichi stood before her with an expression she didn't even think he knew how to explain.
All the stories and knowledge of who he used to be, to her, and Maya didn't even think she had to mentally prepare herself on the off chance their paths might one day cross.
Was it surreal? Extremely. In the sense that she was positive that she was actually dreaming and she had to be because there was no way this was happening the way this was happening. Right?
She couldn't trust her own thoughts. It was like the moment he moves even a finger whatever she was able to think up comprehensively would jumble up and toss itself into the horizon.
She must've made a face in that millisecond.
Shuuichi’s face went from that unnamable expression to straightening up into a stiff show of nonchalance, Maya was caught between forgetting to breathe and praying for death by asphyxiation. She wasn't even sure of how she was supposed to stand with him.
With all his supposed intellect and charm, she was sure that this was the same Minamino Shuuichi her mom liked to wax poetry about, he didn't know either from the unsure way he watched her back.
Before either of them had even the chance to think of something to say, the voice of her class president shot through the air behind them. Echoing from beyond the trees.
A pair of footsteps stomped its way to them, yelling "Kitajima! Where did you go? The teachers are bringing us to town. We're leaving in an hour! Kitajima!"
"Coming!" She hollered back after a moment of staring, breaking eye contact to address her classmate who was still within listening distance of them. Shocked that out of everything she could have said in that moment, her body went for the option that didn’t acknowledge him at all. Like her brain skipped over his presence entirely. They listened as her class president stomped their way back down the steps and the two were back to silent staring and shuffling.
Sometimes, despite herself, Maya would wonder what happened between the two of them.
Her mom never mentioned any kind of falling out but Maya knew that their moms were best friends. There was no way they could be the ones who had the falling out. But from her stories, she knew that Shuuichi was articulate enough not to waste time on misunderstandings and conflict.
So, was she the one who cut off all contact then?
Staring at him now, Maya felt a rush of bitterness and salt course through her. Leaving a heavy taste in her chest. Constricting her neck.
She'd choke if she wasn't so focused on breathing like a normal person.
Something like a large body and a slash flashed through her head. Images that she couldn't make sense of. A black blur. Roses.
Maya watched as Shuuichi tried to form words. Periodically mouthing her name in his shock, only able to catch the movement because she was so hyper focused on catching every movement in her own task.
It must’ve only been minutes but to Maya, it felt like they spent hours deliberating on what to do.
She didn't know what compelled her to do it. Maybe it was her self-made guilt of how she must've been the one who tore apart their years-long friendship. How she knew that Shuuichi was well-spoken enough to not waste time on misunderstandings but the fact that they were still standing here gaping at each other said enough about their relationship as it stood, however way it stood, and there was no way–
Maya bolted.
In more words: it wasn't a bolt as much as she escaped the situation as politely a person could escape an encounter with someone they basically spent their entire childhood with but couldn't remember at all and you didn't want them to find out would.
It was also only a bolt after she quickly offered a bow, went about gathering all her discarded notes and booked it for the stairs. Saving him from the ensuing awkward conversation that would've surely dug up something unpleasant. For him. Something that must've taken years to cope with.
Something that Maya herself would never be able to cope with but if she could do it for him, then she will.
It was the least she could do for someone who’s entire world outside his cozy home was just her.
When she finally boarded the bus, she slouched into her seat and slept the entire way. Ignoring the girls in the back who giggled about sighting Minamino Shuuichi leave the woods. Ignoring the way the panic and anxiety all seeped away from her the further she got away from him. Ignoring how she could barely remember the encounter at all by the time she got home from study camp.
Closing her eyes, she remembered the emerald eyes that stared back at her in front of the shrine.
Remembering them now as they glowed through the smoke, smeared with gold as the sounds of the village bustled all around them.