Chapter Text
Leo’s life started crumbling when his father uttered the fateful words:
“Blue’s the Leader now” Splinter had said in a nonchalant manner. As if he hadn’t just made a decision that would affect his sons’ relationships and dynamics immensely. As he hadn’t just triggered the beginning of the end for Leo.
Leonardo hadn’t realized it yet, but those words would be the kickstarter that led to his death, in more than one way. When the walls around him started cracking, the slider hadn’t even noticed; he was too perplexed, too scared. By the time he finally managed to take it in, it was already too late. He could only vaguely remember that first week, and the weeks after it.
He remembers Raph’s hurt look, the uncertainty with which he held himself after the incident, not knowing what to do with himself. He remembers the staring Raph subjected him to, not knowing what to think of him. Two months passed, and they barely talked to each other.
Donnie had a hard time accepting it, mostly because of his difficulty with accepting change. Leo didn’t blame him. Still, it hurt that Donatello refused to listen to him, the few times he felt brave enough to try and act like a leader. Still, he understood; he was immature, incapable and at times downright stupid.
Mikey was too busy running himself ragged trying to keep his family together. He came crying to Leo’s room during the second month, and Leonardo made him promise to take care of himself, under the threat that he would be detained in the Medbay if he refused. His little brother, in return, asked about his well-being. Leo promised there was nothing to worry about.
In the blink of an eye, half a year had gone by and Leo had turned 15. It was during one of his routinely insomnia-provoked night walks in the hidden city that the slider met Junichiro Tiger. Leonardo had walked into a café, looking to buy himself the most caffeinated drink the store sold, when someone tapped his shoulder. He should have reacted in a collected manner, but instead he flinched so hard he jumped a little.
In an instant he turned and his hand found itself hovering over the disguised kogatana strapped to his right thigh. His eyes were then met with the gray fabric of a graphic t-shirt, his eyes snapped up to look at the offender’s face: a tiger Yokai. Leonardo did a quick inspection of the other’s face and had no issue recognizing he was handsome, a well-kept mane, deep-brown eyes and an absolutely charming smile full of sharp teeth. His presence was overwhelming, because suddenly nothing else in the world existed to the slider. He was daunting almost as much as he was alluring.
“Hi there babe. What is such a pretty yokai like you doing standing all on his own? This is a dangerous part of the city, especially this late”
It had taken Leo an embarrassing amount of seconds to find his voice and when he did, it came out as a stutter “I- I am wai-wait… waiting!” Whether it was due to the sleep deprivation of the fluster, he might never know “Yes! I am waiting for my drink!”.
Junichiro had looked at him playfully and chuckled: “You’re cute, I might have to keep you.”
“I- you, me-am? Keep? What?”
“Sorry, just joking sweetheart. The name’s Junichiro, but you can just call me Jun. Can I get your name, babe?”
“Leo!... I mean my name is Leonardo, but everyone just calls me Leo” He had felt so lucky to be worthy enough of a stranger’s attention, especially one so visually appealing.
“Well, it is an honor to meet you Leo” The tiger had said while grabbing his hand in a motion so unexpected that the slider instinctually attempted to free his hand “How about I keep you company for the rest of the night? I don’t want anything to happen to such a pretty thing.” He ended, leaning down to kiss the back of Leo’s still trapped hand and then smirking at him.
Leonardo had blushed “Eh- Sure, thanks”.
“You are welcome and anyways, I think you’ll be able to repay me very soon.”
They sat together in a corner of the café while waiting for their drinks, talking about each other. After so many months of feeling like he needed to run laps around his brothers in order to have a real conversation, talking to Jun had felt like a glass of water in a blazing desert. Even after their drinks were done, they chose to walk around the city. Junichiro had lived in the Hidden City his whole life, so he was able to take Leo around while showing him things he had never seen.
Leo had been ecstatic at being the center of attention for a good reason after what had felt like an eternity, time passed in a flash. So when his phone started ringing it made him jump out of his skin. The caller ID was not very encouraging either: Raph.
A voice next to him had startled him out of his sudden dread at the thought of answering “Who is that?” The tiger had asked bluntly.
Tiredly, the slider answered “My brother” Then, he quickly tapped the screen and held the phone close to his head “Hi Raph” He started flatly, not looking forward to what was surely going to be another fight, both through the phone and when he arrived home.
“WHERE ARE YOU?!”
Not at all surprised, the slider spoke calmly “At the Hidden City, couldn’t sleep”.
“DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT TIME IS IT?!”
“No, lemme-”
“IT’S SEVEN IN THE FUCKING MORNING LEO! Do you have any idea how worried I was when I couldn’t find you?!”
“I needed to do something, I was too restless being cooped up at home”.
“So you decided to go out without telling anyone?!”
“Didn’t want to bother you”.
“Didn’t- Ridiculous. Get your ass back home. Now.” Raph had hung up.
After a moment, Jun walked towards him, hugging him from behind. Leo melted in the warm embrace. It had reminded him of better times, when he and Raph did not fight of a weekly basis and he would constantly be embraced in his older brother’s arms, feeling like nothing could harm him. He missed it dearly, but both him and the snapper had not been able to make peace, even after half a year had passed.
“That did not sound great, Leo” Jun had whispered, oh so comforting in his ear.
“He is just worried” Leo had defended with a broken voice, because it was the truth.
“He didn’t sound very worried to me”.
“He said he was” Leo insisted.
“Sure” Then, he had turned Leo around and grabbed him by his shoulders. “But if you ever need anything, here is my number.” He handed Leo a piece of paper after scrawling some numbers into it “I know this might feel like I am going too fast, but there is just something about you… There is just something special about you, Aoi.” He had said so confidently with his hand holding the slider’s cheek, that Leonardo had believed it.
And Leo leaned into the hand, rubbing his cheek a little into the paw “I feel the same way.” He finally separated himself, lifting his hand to grab his katana but stopped “Wait! I’ll give you my number too. Maybe we can meet up again sometime this week?” The handed the taller a napkin with his number shakily written on it.
“I’d love to, Leo”
“Great! But I really gotta go.” Leonardo made a portal to his room “Bye, see you soon!” He waved.
“See you”
Leo stepped through his portal and into his room.
He hadn’t wanted to leave his room, knowing what laid beyond his door. But Leo wasn’t as much of a coward then, so he had stepped out of his room with a shaky smile on his face. The slider walked pretending he didn’t dread what was to come (“It’s better to fight with a smile, Blue. It’s easier.” his father had whispered to him once “You’ve got a beautiful smile my son.” He knew he did not look beautiful right now). He met his oldest brother in the living room, where he also saw his father sleeping, probably completely unaware and uninterested in the fact that one of his sons hadn’t been home for hours. Raph had stood near the kitchen staring at his approaching body.
“Leo.”
“Raph, I-” The slider didn’t finish. At that point what was he meant to say? Sorry? He’d said it before a thousand times and Raph was certainly sick of it.
“What is the end goal here Leo?”
Leonardo hadn’t replied. He didn't have an answer.
“What do you want? Going out without saying anything, disappearing for hours. Is it attention? What do you want?!” Raph had roared.
Leo’s smile had dropped “Nothing.” It had been true, Leo hadn’t wanted anything for months. “I couldn’t sleep. Insomnia”.
“That’s the excuse? You’ve had insomnia since we were tots, you’ve always managed to stay here just fine.”
Back then the walls didn’t shout at him, and the silence had been peaceful, not deafening Leo had wanted to say. He had kept his mouth shut, for once.
After all, words failed to explain everything, anything. Leo thought he was great at expressing ideas with words once, he had loved words, for their encased meanings, and translatable nature, but not anymore. Words had been sticking to his throat like rotten syrup for a while now, they had betrayed him turning into obstacles what had once been tools.
Raph had sighed and left. Tired.
Leo had mechanically started the walk of shame back into his room, he knew Donnie was probably watching from his lab. He wondered, then, if perhaps the gap between him and his family had finally grown too big, too wide. He loved his brothers and he knew his brothers loved him, logically. But it had become increasingly hard to believe when he felt like they didn’t like him, when he started to despise himself. As he laid still on his bed, he wondered how much longer would his brothers love him before they grew tired of tolerating him.
He hadn’t cried that night, but his throat hadn’t ever felt that tight. Choking every sound that dared try and leave his mouth.