Ichiro Yamada's Coming of Age

by liamshakespeare

Summary:

Here we find Ichiro Yamada, out of his depth, as a student at the brand new 'New Jersey Talent Academy', an institution that has brought a vast array of talented artists, celebrities, and tradesman together in the pursuit of further developing their artistic excellence. Ichiro was honoured to have received an invite but the influencer-rampant hallways were a far cry from the bustling streets of Ikebukuro, that he used to frolic about without a care in the world. A socially anxious Ichiro kept himself occupied with compulsively reading Manga in his dorm room but when a mysterious Rapper starts causing mayhem on campus, will Ichiro be able to shake off the rust and reclaim his spot as number 1 rapper? Find out in 'Ichiro Yamada's Coming of Age' - a story full of first loves, action, and passion, and sick beats too.

Chapter 1: A Package came in the Mail

“C’mon, you can do this. It’s just two hallways and an elevator.”

A flamboyantly dressed young man, fiddled with his purse, whilst sternly staring at his reflection. He couldn’t quite decide whether or not he should lay the strap across his left or right shoulder. Eventually, deciding on both.

“Okay… let's do this”, the man surreptitiously untucked his hoodie from his skinny jeans, carefully caressed his hair, and forgot to zip his fly, before swiftly leaving the confines of the surgically lit bathroom. He had to make sure he kept up his appearance; he was Ichiro Yamada after all.

The confines of the harshly illuminated halls of the New Jersey Talent Academy was a true far cry from the bustling streets of Ikebukuro. Though, Ichiro was happy bunking in a glorified dog-pound as long as he got his hands on this month’s 17th edition of ‘That time I got reincarnated as a Slime’. The facility provided personalised amenities free of charge for all students, after all, so why would he not take advantage.
The journey was arduous, Ichiro thought, as he passed the first hallway junction, the only thing keeping him going was the image of the other 16 lonely volumes that sat haphazardly in his dorm room. A bead of sweat dripped from his brow, as he crowned the end of the second corridor and attentively avoided all eye contact with the other students actually spending their free periods being social.
Everyone here was so intimidating. Suddenly Samatoki didn’t seem so bad, after all. Ichiro’s gaze briefly left the floor and scanned the busy corridor seeing a snapshot of familiar and unfamiliar faces. Despite some being familiar, Ichiro had not gotten all that acquainted with any of them in the three long weeks he had been here. Though some voices were louder than others and you would have no choice in noticing some of the more unique individuals’ faces (much to our protagonist’s chagrin).

For example, there was Dwayne - the most popular kid in school. If he even was a student, that is as he was almost 7 foot and possessed a body sculpted by the gods themselves, one could easily question the validity of his studentship. His name was Dwayne and he wanted you to know it. So, despite the towering piece of man-meat’s expansive wingspan causing Ichiro to slightly press his body against the wall as he passed, as Ichiro had heard all those times from those folks at the 7/11, ‘real recognises real’ and he did not despise or disrespect Dwayne in any shape or form. Although, he could certainly write a killer diss track on the guy if the situation called for it. But now, and for the sake of self-preservation, Ichiro kept his rhythmically rambunctious words to himself.
Not too far behind, were two smaller and identical twin men sporting matching Madoka Magica tank tops. Ichiro could barely hold in his expert-blend of excitement, passion, and fangirling when he spotted the merchandise. He loved Madoka Magica! Ichiro pondered whether or not he could ever befriend these guys, for the purpose of geeking out with some fellow ‘madokers’. Could he finally have someone to talk about what happened to Mami?? Regardless, the two men still possessed an air of intimidation to them, like Dwayne, due to their still sculpted, but to a lesser extent than Dwayne's, bodies and marvellous matching hairstyles.

To add on to the superb branding these two twins flourished, they hollered to a couple of extremely fashionable women in an adjacent classroom.

"Hey! Come here, you two rascals!” they both miraculously said in unison, almost harmonising with each other.

The two beautiful girls exchanged glances and giggled before dashing to their respective twins. Their arms soon wrapped around the dashing gentleman’s vascular bicep like an aggressive snake.

‘Well there goes that,’ Ichiro grumbled to himself. Ichiro was famously and ashamedly intimidated by romantically successful men. Again, not because he was jealous or anything! He was just mortally terrified of the judging sneer of a cute girl when gushing about light novels and Madoka business. Bitches be scary, after all ! Or at least that’s what Ichiro’s best friend told him once - he had never really talked to a girl in that way before, after all.

Disregarding the thoughts of friendship from his mind, Ichiro returned his gaze to the intersect between purely looking at his feet and the path forward, a hyper specific angle he had perfected that allows him to avoid benign social communication but also as a prophylactic against embarrassingly walking into someone.
He had now reached the elevator and pressed the button for the lower floor. He fiddled with his drawstrings as he stood patiently in the elevator. Each ding of the elevator caused Ichiro’s breath to flutter in anticipation and caused him to squirm and fidget giddily.

Ichiro practically ran out of the elevator as soon as the door partly opened. Making the sharp right turn to the mailroom, causing a high pitch squeak as his Red October Nike Air Yeezy 2 shoes scraped against the tiled floor.

“You got the goods, ma’am?”

“Yes Ichiro. One copy of ’That time I got reincarnated as a Slime’ just like you asked the other 16 times,” the receptionist replied, flippantly.

‘Thanks,’ Ichiro replied, “Here’s something for all your trouble. How about you buy yourself something nice.” Ichiro tossed a crisp, juicy quarter at the woman as he walked out of the room gripping the wrapped package, missing her completely. Missing so substantially he actually chipped a considerable chunk of plaster out of the edge of the wall - not like Ichiro noticed, however, he had his bible and that’s all that mattered now.

Ichiro whistled the Kaikai Kitan theme to Jujutsu Kaisen as he sauntered back the way he came. His smile so wide and head so high he forgot to make sure his head was at his special angle.

CRASH!

Ichiro dropped his package and himself to the ground as he collided with someone excitedly entering the mailroom like he did minutes ago.

“Oh my god, I am so sorry Ichiro! Are you alright?”.

“Y-yeah sorry about that man. W-wait… how do you know my name? Who are you?”

Ichiro looked up to see a lanky man dressed in bright green.

“My name is Buddy! Nice to meet you!,” The man said handing Ichiro his package, “I have an encyclopaedic knowledge of the names of all the students here due in part to my volunteering at this here mailroom. Something my old pal Santa taught me how to be prettyyyy good at. And you do come here a lot, looking all handsomely put together and all!”

As Ichiro collected himself, and for the second time today adjusted his purse strap, he got a better look at the man in question. What stood before him was a man dressed from head to toe in very authentic looking elf attire. Could he be a real deal elf? Like the ones mentioned in the lyrics to all those group rap videos he was commissioned to produce such as the 2016 Christmas Cypher or the 2017 Christmas Cypher or the 2018 Christmas Cypher?

 

ZIIIIIIIP

“Don’t forget this now!” Buddy implored as he zipped up Ichiro’s fly.

“Hey yo! What do you think you’re doing?!” Ichiro yelled as he swatted Buddy’s hand away, “Yuh! Oh! You’re gonna die if you think you’re gonna’ just touch my fly!”. Ichiro was clearly revving up some fire disses.

“Oh I’m sorry,” Buddy said, “I forget you can’t just do that. Ya see I don’t have many friends and I struggle with knowing what IS and ISN’T acceptable socially. Y’know being raised by elves has its downsides.”

“Pft, It’s whatever,” Ichiro scoffed bashfully, “Just don’t do it again fool! Anyways you’re one to talk!”

“Oh Whoopsie-doodles! You’re right,” Buddy said as he quickly zipped up his fly, concealing the unwarranted package just like a young Ted Kaczynski would.

Ichiro prepared to leave before Buddy grabbed his arm.

“Hey… maybe we could be friends?” Buddy said, “Here, take this. It’s my number. Text me sometime!”

“Pft. I’ll consider it,” Ichiro replied, trying to play it cool, “See ya around buddy.”

 

Ichiro walked off clutching his parcel to his chest with a slight pep to his step. His mind a flutter. Eventually making it back into the elevator from whence he came. He thought to himself:

 

Had he finally made himself a friend?

Chapter 2: A Rude Awakening

The night was fading into the early morning lavender haze as Ichiro lay in slumber. Sprawled out like Michael on his signature Jordans with his recently opened copy of ‘That time I got reincarnated as a slime’ covering his face, enjoying the final dregs of a dawn-reaching dream. The strewn book’s still-fresh print smell evidently influencing the contents of the young man’s very own nocturnal novel. Ichiro was clearly knee-deep in an exhilarating, tear-jerking, and action packed storyline - but could you blame him?!
In the final chapter of the latest volume, Albis, The half woman half snake leader of Eurazania's Three Beastketeers, all of a sudden appeared at the end of the volume… What a cliffhanger! Furthermore, Albis was one of Ichiro’s favourite characters and the one he was most attracted to, in all his slime readings so far. Based on the Mount Rainier reminiscent tent that was being pitched on the crest of his pyjama jorts, it was clearly a dream as dick-jerking as it was tear jerking and a different kind of action-packed than previously aforementioned. I’ll spare you the gruesome details. Nevertheless, This fella really oughta get laid. Or even just go on a walk every once in a while, atleast.
Anyways I digress, The morning was young and the birds were barely chirping. A characteristically still-autumn morning - the kind of morning that the time spent in bed is cherished the most.

Suddenly, a loud BANG! Was heard against Ichiro's dorm room door, followed by another identical BANG. Startled, Ichiro leapt out of bed in a hypnopompic haze, heart pounding and manga volumes being launched across the small room.

“Damn Yo I was just getting to the best part! Booming knocks almost stopped my heart! Now I gotta conceal this looming cock!” Ichiro rapped, as he tucked his erection in his waistband before grabbing a random t-shirt from the floor.
Ichiro nervously cracked open his dorm room door, unsure of who may lurk on the other side. Was it going to be Buddy? Surely not, how would he know his address even if he truly did work in the mail room?.

“Hello?”, A voice said.

“Anyone home?”, followed another similar voice

Where had he heard these voices before? They seemed familiar, for sure. Ichiro fully opened the door, revealing that it was none other but The Twins.

“W-who are you guys?” Ichiro inquired, trying to play it cool despite unknowingly sporting a ‘I paused my game to be here’ Tee.

“Haha Hey there! The name’s Patrick Vörös,” the first twin said.

“And I’m Chris, Aha…,” the other twin said, brushing his fingers through his hair.

“But we’re more commonly known online as the ‘DaVinky twins’”

“Never heard of you sorry,” Ichiro replied bluntly, “Anyways Can I help y’all? Isn’t it a tad early.. What even is the time right now? What’s going on, Yo?!”

“We were just on our morning run ha, and passed by your building and remembered that our pal had seen you around and wanted us to invite you to a party they’re throwing,” Patrick said.

“Haha yeah, it's no pressure or anything but she said you looked like someone who would kill it on the karaoke, so make sure to tag along if you're up for it,” Chris continued

‘SHE’?! Ichiro was pretty much sold as soon as he heard the pronoun leave Chris’ mouth.

“Yeah, Alright. Where and when?,” Ichiro asked, “I am rather swamped with prior commitments.” He was not. Unless you count reading Manga as a prior commitment then maybe. He was rather committed to that, for sure.

“Tonight actually, here's the address,” Chris said, handing Ichiro a scrap of paper with an address written in flawlessly beautiful cursive.

“I’ll see ya around then, DaVinkers!,” Ichiro said

“Okay! be there or be…?”, the twins asked in unison

“..square?”

“Haha yeahh! You got it! See you!,” the twins exclaimed in unison as they leapt into a jog down the dorm hallway. Ichiro grinned awkwardly and slowly closed his door again.
What interesting characters, Ichiro thought to himself. Though, reasoning that they were a lot nicer than their jock demeanour had led Ichiro to expect all the times he had seen them in the corridor, especially yesterday. Ichiro stretched and scratched himself, before glancing at the digital alarm clock he had beside his bed.

 

It was 6:36am. Not a typical wake up time for Ichiro by any stretch of the imagination. The late nights of graphic novel reading had clearly left a substantial toll on his sleep schedule. Despite this, Ichiro decided, against his usual judgement, to actually start his day early and hop in the shower. Because the New Jersey Talent Academy had great facilities, Ichiro and the other students all had ensuite showers and toilets.
KShhhhh. The shower hissed as Ichiro turned the knob. Boiling hot water started slowly streaming out of the head before picking up some steam and increasing in pressure. Ichiro stripped to his penis and balls, before opening Spotify to Taylor Swift’s Midnights album, and hopping into the warm shower. Ichiro repined as he realised what day it was. It was Friday. Meaning today was his designated ‘Everything shower’ Day. While he enjoyed and appreciated the crucial self-care aspects of a good everything shower, it did take up alot of time. But nevertheless, being dedicated to his skincare, shaving, and hair wash routines, he began his regimen.
The squelching of a bottle of eucalyptus shampoo afforded Ichiro the ability to lather his thick black hair to a point of absolute saturation, as he ran his spindly, ‘perfect-for-piano, fingers through his luxurious mane. He then rinsed and applied some of his favourite bergamot and spiced orange conditioner. Simultaneously, he smothered some of his Golden fairy scented perfume exfoliating gel across his body, before rinsing and beginning to shave every last crevice of his, surprisingly high surface area, frame with ‘Xtra Manly Bear XXL Warrior’ shaving cream.
Once he was as smooth as a freshly picked cucumber he topped off his plan with a nice dollop of fresh-linen aroma body wash and pumpkin spice flavoured face wash onto their respective domains. Making sure to wash every area of his body, not missing a single spot - including his nuts and balls. Ichiro slicked his hair back as he pointed his head up at the shower head, his eyelids covering his 3d-glasses eyes, exhaling sharply due to the thick atmosphere of the steamy shower. He was finally finished. After 2 hours he was finally done.
Ichiro cranked the shower knob again and hopped out of the shower. He applied his private-dermatologist approved moisturisers and his favourite assortment of organic balms before towelling off and leaving the confines of the heavy air-filled room.

Ichiro got dressed in the outfit that he laid on his bed the night before, shoes and all. It was a dashing combination of ripped blue skinny jeans and a mahogany red hoodie and, of course, some white air force ones. A classic Ichiro Yamada fit for sure. Now he was ready to tackle the day ahead.

Suddenly, a sense of dread washed over Ichiro. He hadn’t been to a party in so long, let alone one he wasn’t paid to attend. Especially one with the cool kids. A cacophony of questions flooded his mind. What should he wear? Who should he talk to? What does cacophony mean? He needed some advice.

Suddenly, Ichiro remembered the jolly face he encountered yesterday on his trip to the mailroom. Maybe Buddy could help him prepare. Or at least give him some friendly advice at least. After all, Ichiro imagined that the North Pole would have had plenty of parties, I mean what else do they do the other 364 days of the year? It was worth a shot. Ichiro shot a text to the number Buddy gave him yesterday. What did he have to lose?

Chapter 3: Fish Dog

“AGH! NO! NO! NO! NO!,” a frenzied Ichiro exclaimed, leaping off his bed. Grabbing his keys, lanyard, purse, and his velcro wallet with an astounding sense of urgency. He slicked his silky hair back with a handful of wax, before bursting through his dorm door. Emerging in a manner akin to that of a spring butterfly out a chrysalis. And believe it or not, forgetting to do up his fly for a second time in the last 24 hours.
He was late for sausage saturday! Despite a somewhat productive and early start to his morning, Ichiro had just spent the last hour and a half watching a diverse mix of youtube shorts and instagram reels, despite his prior fervour. Ichiro was too proud to download TikTok as he thought ‘it would take too much of his valuable time’, what an astute point he makes, right? Besides, any further Joe Rogan sigma edits and Coyote Peterson clips would have to wait, it was only a minute or two until the dining room pulled the plug on the weekly weiner wake. Hot dogs, or glizzies as he interestingly chose to call them, were famously Ichiro’s favourite food.

“Damn, What a slog! I really need to get a Hog and Dog in my Gob, God!,” Ichiro flowed furiously under his breath, as he dashed towards the dining hall with a hysterical gait, not helped much by his socially awkward head orientation.

“Oh shit! I forgot to tie my laces," Ichiro said as he bent down, “Safety first!”

FWOOSH!

A ninja star skimmed the top of Ichiro's head as he bent and stuck into the notice board behind. Despite the close call, Ichiro was none the wiser and resumed his frantic saunter to the cafeteria. While, I'm sure the origin of the shuriken would be quite an interesting aside, there was currently only one thing on Ichiro’s mind and it sure as hell wasn’t some unseen assassination attempt, but in fact a nice warm, long, and juicy hotdog with extra bun. And we only have one main character right? So let’s move on

Ichiro approached the dwindling short line for the dogs and energetically popcorned like a guinea pig whilst waiting. His neurons were firing like popcorn in a pan, his hotdog schemas ablaze and his memory traces a flitter. White with anticipation, like a popped corn, Ichiro finally reached the front of the queue.

“Did I make it in time?!” Ichiro asked the chef.

“Absolutely buddy! Sausage Saturday has sixty seconds still to spare!”.

The humongous moustached man draped in a white uniform, stained in a collection of all different sauces and ingredients, plopped an equally haphazardly put together and ginormous glizzy onto Ichiro's lunch tray. It was unclear whether or not it was the weight of the dog or the strength of the chef that caused the seismic slam but either way it caused Ichiro’s hands to buckle and almost give way from the force. Thankfully, Ichiro didn’t drop his dog and he was brimming with ecstatic joy. Ichiro pivoted 180 degrees ready to find a seat and dig in.

“Not so fast!” The chef exclaimed, his unibrow contorting to create what can only be ascertained to be an expression of urgency or desperation, “You’re not off the hook yet! What customisation options do you want with that, bud?”. Ichiro turned back to him.

“Oh shoot! I almost forgot… Hmm, whatcha got this time man?”

“Heh. I knew I could reel you in with an offer like that, Ichiro.”

“You know me Mister um….”, Ichiro squinted at the chef’s name badge, “...Lockwood. I’m a sucker for a good sausage.”

“Pohohoho!”, the man chucked, “Call me Tim. Let’s see what we’ve got here… the catches of the day if you will. We have teriyaki ketchup, some burgundy-style mustard, some coriander tartar relish, fresh paprika mayonnaise and of course my specialty, the sardine chum sauce!”

“Hmm. That is a tough one..”

“And before you ask, everything was made fresh today.”

“Y’know what Tim, I think ima just go with the ol’ reliable. Paprika Mayonnaise please. I’ve got a busy day ahead of me so I better not take any unnecessary risks.”

“Bahaha fair enough! One of these days before I graduate I’ll haveta make you try the sardine sauce”

“Wait. You’re a student here?!,” Ichiro exclaimed, “You’re like 50!”

“Pft. Bestie, I'm 49,” Tim replied flippantly, “Most of the non-teaching staff here are students, plus any age adult can go and get an education at the NJTA.”

“Fair enough old man, I just know you got the stuff!”

Ichiro turned again with his mayo-smothered sausage and scanned the cafeteria for a nice seat. He likes the window seats.
Ichiro remembered that he texted Buddy earlier to meet him in the cafeteria to discuss the party he will be attending later on today. He found a nice and isolated seat that was adjacent to a fairly sized window that overlooked the courtyard and was also close to the entranceway that Buddy would likely enter. He had five or so minutes until Buddy was due to meet him, and such he decided he oughta relish the delectable dining that awaited him and to enjoy the peaceful serenity before he was required to be sociable (though this time consentingly).

Ichiro gazed out the window at the overcast autumn world that moved like clockwork without him. A quilted patchwork of auburns and ochre leafs adorned the trees like bespoke confetti suspended in animation, that perpetually symbolised, or at least for a short while, the beautiful cyclical nature of life. For these browning leaves will soon fly off into unknown places. Some will fly under benches, some will fall into bird baths, some into bike sheds, and some will fall into trash cans but despite the uncertainty of their final destination, the assured fact that every leaf will eventually fall and will be replaced one day serves as an ultimate reminder for our very own fragility. Each of us participates in a delicate waltz with entropy that is ever increasing in tempo. While this entropy will lead us to all manner of stages in life, we all know one thing for certain. The dance will one day end and entropy will keep on dancing without us.
Though, the leaves that fall onto the roots of their tree’s become the very nutrients that feed the new parts of the tree. The echoes of the old leaves reverberate across time and traces of the original are always found in the new. Likewise, humans come and go but the impact they have on others, the goodness they spread, and the love they adorn also ripples across the pond of time, never fully disappearing.
Each one of the people that are all walking in a similar tempo as seen from this high floor all have different lives and different meanings they are trying to desperately pursue and despite this, every single one of these people will leave a trace on the fabric of us, humans. And me. And you. Every action has a consequence that every other human alive and yet to be born will feel.
Autumn days sure are beautiful in that way, the wind blows the leaves and gives us a fleeting reminder of what it means to be alive; things are constantly deconstructing and reconstructing yet we will always be intertwined.

Ichiro exhaled, revelling for a second in the quaintness of the moment and then wrapped his tender lips around the warm sausage. Hardly stifling a moan at the orgasmic taste. He chewed, making sure to keep his mouth closed, enjoying every last squelch of the meat and morsel of sweetness of the bun. As he swallowed his first bite, he remembered that times like this are what waking up in the morning is for. This was surely the meaning of life.
His slender fingers gripped the rest of the long hot dog with a severe, gorilla-like grip, and transported it in the direction of his mouth, his tongue encountering a delectable glaze of mayonnaise and saliva as he chewed the next few bites.

“Mm Mm Mmm!,” Ichiro sounded, as he finished off the last mouth-watering piece of meat. Ichiro sucked each one of his fingers one by one, before reclining in his seat in satisfaction and sighing, “Ah… What a glizzy!”

 

Ichiro looked up to see Buddy standing before him.

“Hey there! Y’know I’ve never quite seen someone so invested in a hotdog! How’s it going Ichiro?” Buddy stood before him in his signature elf attire, buckled boots and all.

“Ahh!”, Ichiro bolted up in shock, “You sure know how to catch me by surprise, man!”

Buddy looked down at Ichiro’s crotch, shyly. Trying to be subtle about it.

“Hey fool! The hell do you think you’re looking at?! Ya gonna get a knock if ya gonna keep eyeing ma cock!”, Ichiro says as looked down at his unzipped fly, “Oh shit my bad. I’m sorry”. Ichiro proceeds to do up his fly, himself this time.

“Ha! You sure do have a way with words! Maybe you should start writing carols for Santa?”

“Pft. That depends on what he’s paying…”

“Presents and Joy. Obviously,” Buddy said, as he pulled out a chair and sat down.

“Yeah. Yeah…”

“C’mon Ichiro brighten up a bit!,” Buddy implored, “By the way, What was it you wanted to discuss with me old pal?”

Ichiro racked his brains for a second. “Oh yes! The Davinky twins invited me to this super cool party tonight and it seems like they’d be chill if I brung a plus one, ya dig? So if you’re down to come with…? And plus apparently some GIRL specifically requested for me to be there! But Ya’ see I’ve never really been to a proper ‘frat’ party before so I feel like if we rock up together yo, we could totally knock their socks off!”

Buddy grinned with almost half the excitement as Ichiro’s excitement for hotdogs, so you know he was very excited. “Wow! A real human party?! This would be a first for me too. And a real life girl?! This sounds like something worth going for sure… but I’m afraid I'm busy tonight.” Buddy’s smile drooped, with Ichiro’s following suit.

“Wait with what?”, Ichiro said, disappointedly.

“I got one of my assessments for my toy making degree this evening, and the nature of making a whole toy from scratch… it’s gonna be a long one for sure,” Buddy explained, “Though, Don’t be nervous about going alone though! I’m sure if you just be yourself and have some Christmas spirit you’ll be fine!”

“It's October.”

“Regardless! My friend, you’ll smash it! Potentially even literally with some of these ‘real life girls’ if you know what I mean.”

 

“Well about that… I can barely make friends! Where would I even start when trying to get a girl to like me? Do you have any useful nuggets of advice from up in the north pole?”

“Well to be honest I didn’t have too much luck with the elf girls, but this one elf did try to teach me a few things… I’m not entirely sure of his credentials now that I think about it…”

“Oh please do tell! I’d really appreciate any advice, yo!”

“Okay well … a lot was said… but there are a few key points. You want to be somewhat mysterious and lean against the wall opposite to the entrance so that you inspire intrigue and people come up to you. Otherwise you risk coming off as needy or desperate. Other than that I think he said some stuff about showing what you’re good at. So in your case I guess it would be rapping, so if an opportunity arises where you can show off your flow game then go for it. The girls will be bound to love it. And finally, and I don’t really get what this means, but he did say some stuff about this thing he called ‘looksmaxxing’ but I didn’t really understand it enough to offer it to you as advice in good faith.”

“Woah man! That’s some very unexpectedly unique advice actually,” Ichiro said, “Thanks so much dude! Ima head back to my dorm and try to figure out what I’m gonna wear. I’ll see ya around!” Ichiro got up from his seat, leaving his tray behind, and dashed out to his dorm room, full of a newfound feeling of hope and determination.

He was now ready.

Chapter 4: "Party Rock" is in the house, Tonight

“Hmm do I wear the grey skinny jeans with the purple BAPE hoodie or do I wear the black slim fit ripped jeans with the burgundy button up?”

Ichiro paced up and down his dorm room with a colourful menagerie of different branded clothing items strewn out on his bed, chair, wardrobe door, and floor.

“Argh! Why is this so difficult yo!”

TING! His phone notified him that it was only one hour until the party was due to start so he’d better make up his mind soon.

Ichiro, feeling the pressure, decided a shower should help ease his nerves enough for him to decide. ‘KSHH’, the shower hissed as he turned it on. Thankfully he had already done his everything shower earlier in the day so this one was just one to freshen up a little bit after all the rushing around. Again Ichiro took off his pants then shirt and then removed his underwear, revealing his uncircumcised penis and uncircumcised balls. He hopped into the steamy downpour and just took a moment to breathe. He slicked and wetted his hair (Again) and let the water run down his interesting body. Ichiro locked in and did a hasty routine of cleaning the key areas of his body then rinsing with masterful efficiency.

“Ahh! Yeah… Now I got it. Of course I should wear the burgundy button up, the BAPE is way too aggressive. How could I be so stupid!”

Ichiro promptly towelled off and got changed. Furthermore, he treated himself to a few spritzes of his Black Phantom “Memento Mori” Eau de Parfum Carafe (250ml).
Making sure not to make the same mistake twice, he double, triple and double-triple checked to make sure his flies were done up before leaving.

“Fly… Check! Let’s go!”

Ichiro strutted out of the academy building and strolled down the street in the direction that the Twins gave him earlier that day. Funnily enough, he wasn’t trying to do his socially awkward head angle this time. He seemed confident. After all, these last few days have shown him that maybe he wasn’t a complete social reject as he had previously thought. Like c’mon a girl wanted him to show up! Ichiro could barely stifle a joyous laugh from escaping the confines of his toothy grin.

“Right, okay. So I think this must be the place,” Ichiro muttered to himself, upon seeing a house with multi-coloured flashing lights and booming bass emanating from within. Oh! And there were the Davinky Twins!

 

“Oh hey! You made it, ” the Twins said in union.

“Honestly I wasn’t sure if you were going to be a no show or not,” Chris said.

“Haha y’know me… always fashionably late”

“Woah!! So cool!,” the twins said earnestly, “c’mon let’s head inside.”

The trio headed inside the booming house, and suddenly the reality of the situation dawned on Ichiro… There were people everywhere! Way more than there was in the hallways of the academy. Each room of the ‘frat’ house was overflowing with different people orbiting between different conversations and activities. Suddenly Ichiro felt ill.

“Hey are you good bro?,” Patrick asked, looking at Ichiro, “you look a little pale”

“Pft do I?? I’m just sick of being sober, that must be it!”

“Alright now that's more like it, that's the attitude we want!,” Patrick said.

“Not to say there’s any pressure to drink though, make sure you pace yourself bro. There are plenty of straight-edge people here,” Chris added.

“Before we get you some drinks, let me introduce you to our girlfriends, as I don’t believe you’ve met yet,” Chris said, “I’m dating Nicole she sure is lovely!”. Chris gestured towards an somewhat alternatively-dressed woman with dark black hair, who, upon noticing the gaze was on her, waved casually.

“And this is Pamantha. My girlfriend,” Patrick added, as he pointed towards a blonde girl at the complete otherside of the room, clutching a solo cup with two hands. She didn’t notice she was being spoken about and kept on talking to two other girls, occasionally giggling.

“Oh nice!,” Ichiro said, not really knowing what else to say.

“Oh and one more guy that I am sure you’ve heard about… this is Dwayne's house and party. I am sure you’d know him if you saw him. Y’know big guy, tattoos, bald. You can’t miss him. Make sure to say hi if you see him”

Ichiro got even more nervous. For he wasn’t expecting Dwayne to be here! Nevertheless, the three walked over to a chaotic looking table with all manners of different alcohols and mixers scattered in a hodgepodge manner.

“So what do ya fancy,” Chris asked.

“A Malibu and Coke would be fine with me,” Ichiro said.

“Ooh a zesty choice! I like it,” Patrick replied, whilst pouring and then handing Ichiro his drink, “Well we’ll probably see you around. We’ve just gotta make sure everyone else arrives okay.”

“Yo Hol up a second… So who was this mystery person who wanted me to be here? Was it Nicole or Pamantha then?”

“Mystery person?,” Chris wondered, “Oh you mean Er– Oh I got ya. No it wasn’t them. It was Erza. Go mingle, you'll definitely find her.”

The twins left and Ichiro was left alone in the middle of a crowd of drunk people, nervously clutching his solo cup. Talk about baptism by fire. Suddenly, Buddy’s buddy’s advice ringed in Ichiro’s mind and he found himself scanning the perimeter of the building, hoping desperately to find the wall opposite the front door.
Once he had plugged himself firmly against the wall full of portraits of… Dwayne?, he periodically took sips of his drink, constantly recoiling in disgust due to the unusually high alcohol content. He scanned the room.

After watching the collage of intoxicated people stumbling over each other, including a decently tipsy Dwayne doing pirouettes in the corner at some cute girls comprising an interesting example of courting behaviour for 10 minutes, Ichiro had finished his drink.

“I know I should trust the process… but this isn’t working at all,” Ichiro muttered to himself, “plus I need to get a drink so maybe I can just leave to get one more drink and I will be right back to the safety of the wall.”

Ichiro clambered over to the messy table for the second time, desperately trying to manufacture some kind of concoction to make this night somewhat bearable. He reached for the Ouzo, having not heard of it before. Before managing to get a grasp of the aperitif his hand collided with someone else's hand. He looked to his right to see a decently tall girl with gorgeous red hair also reaching for the same drink.

“Ouzo huh?! A bold choice! I like it!,” shouted the girl.

“Hah Yeah,” Ichiro replied sheepishly.

The girl was dressed in a beautiful blue pencil skirt with a bespoke black rib hole crop top spiralling her upper body, a matching blue blazer and pretty extreme looking leather boots to top it off. She took a step closer to the nervous wreck of a man. “Wait! I know you!! It’s Ichiro everyone!!” The girl looked towards the crowd as she said that not many people batted an eye, however, “The name’s Erza. Erza Scarlet.”

“D-do I know you..?,” Ichiro muttered.

“HUH? You’re gonna have to speak up dude I can’t hear shit in here!,” she yelled whilst effortlessly pouring herself a drink without as much as glancing at the cup.

“How do you know me?” Ichiro said.

“Hah! Of course I know you! You’re that guy in Rap class! I got the boys to invite ya’ here because I lowkey wanted you to teach me how to rap too! I Kinda wanna get into it!”

“Oh so it was you!”

“Yeah it was! Are you even any good?”

“Oh am I? I'm the best. I don’t even know why I’m at this place.”

“Hm.. I dig a man who owns his shit! C’mon, pour your drink and get your ass to that couch. We’re talkin’ business,” Erza says as she struts over to the free couch.

Ichiro felt a chill go down his spine. What was this feeling? A lady had never bossed him around in such a way before… He liked it. And he wanted more. Or at least he thought. He thought of Buddy’s advice to stay by the wall but on the other hand, he was intrigued as to where this was going.

Ichiro slumped onto the soft couch, trying not to spill his drink on himself.

“So uhm… why are you interested in rapping?”

“I love the fiery passion of a rap battle! It just seems like my kinda thing y'know?! The anger! The rage! The creativity!,” Erza’s eyes sparkled.

“So are you here for… like … something creative then?” Ichiro asked

“Pft. Nah. Weapon-based combat training. Like it's cool ‘n’ all but you kinda get the point after doing it for a while. I wanna do something where I can get my anger out!”

“Yeah you seem like you need it hahaha,” Ichiro says. I think he is a little tipsy now.

“Whatcha tryna say jackass?!,” Erza yelled, shoving the arm Ichiro had his drink in

“Exactly what I mean! Just so much energyyyyy,” Ichiro replied, stupidly.
The silence was palpable. Had Ichiro fumbled?

…

Erza suddenly snorted before launching into a hearty chuckle, realising she had proved Ichiro’s point, “Haha Y’know what? You’re alright. I can’t blame a battle rapper for spitting some daggers, after all!”

“Yeah I’m only joshin’… yeah I'm sure I can teach you, as long as you don’t yell at me too much,” Ichiro replied fruitily.

“Pft. I’ll only yell if you keep acting like a Jackass,” Erza said jokingly, shoving Ichiro's knee this time, as he took a swig, and leaned into him.

“Damn! I guess I gotta get ready for a lot of yelling then,” Ichiro said before glancing at Erza, finding her staring intensely in his eyes. “H-huh?”

Erza leaned in and kissed Ichiro, grabbing his collar and pulling him towards her. Her lips were soft but had a ferocious rhythm when she sucked on his lips.

Ichiro’s mind short circuited. “Oh. my. God,” was all his mind could muster. A hotdog and a kiss from a girl all in one day? He had little evidence to suggest he wasn’t currently in heaven.

 

Suddenly, CRSHHHHH!

An loud explosion flinging concrete and plaster in every direction caused the two to separate faces. A moderately tall figure dressed in a black trenchcoat, black mask, and green goggles emerged from the rubble. The figure started walking towards the lonely couch, dusting off plaster crumbs and, what is likely, asbestos from his shoulders. Ichiro looked on in horror.

 

“ICHIRO YAMADA!!!”

Chapter 5: Spitting

“Huh?!,” Ichiro fluttered, looking around, likely for another Ichiro Yamada to take the heat.

“Yes. You. Right there Ichiro. I am going to destroy you,” a synthy voice boomed from the shadowy man’s mask. Gesturing towards the lanky teen with a pristine, still partly wrapped in cellophane, katana.

Knee deep in some hardcore flirting attempt, Dwayne was oblivious to the kerfuffle befalling his house behind him as he laid some meaty game to a young woman. “You wanna go back to my room and find out why they call me ‘The Rock Johnson’?,” Dwayne (‘The Rock Johnson’) said to the mortified girl, who was paying little attention to the bald behemoth due to the scene unfolding, that had, minutes prior, begun by exploding through a wall. Noticing his pick up line had unusually not been heeded, Dwayne turned to see what was so captivating behind them…
A labyrinthine network of veins stood at attention on the back of Dwayne’s head, twitching with ethereal rage. Dwayne started to move.

“MY PORTRAIT WALL! YOU BASTARD!,” Dwayne yelled, “It took me 4 HOURS to figure out that layout!!”

By that point, Dwayne was sprinting towards the figure.

A technological squabble of sounds emanated from the synthy mouthpiece of the dark figure.

Dwayne raised his arm preparing to throw a mighty haymaker at the man, the power and speed of which picked up pieces of rubble and dust as it moved.

‘DOOOOOOOO,’ a loud synthy bass drop accompanied a green shockwave of light. Dwayne was frozen in place, now coated in an emerald coating. And luckily so, well for the mysterious man at least, as he was mere inches from landing his punch. Now suspended in a greco-roman pose, he was helpless to the whims of the cloaked figure.

“Pft. What a show off,” the electronic sounding voice muttered, “See people! This is what muscles will get you. Absolutely Nowhere.” He dismissively tapped the top of Dwayne’s head as he took a few steps forward, sliding down a pile of rubble.

A panicked murmur emanated from worried partygoers that looked at each other in disbelief. Should they run?

“Hush Hush pussies, I’m only here for Ichiro,” The figure stated, “Now. Ichiro. I challenge you to a rap battle.”

‘What? Who does this guy think he is?!’, Ichiro thought to himself.

“Don’t worry guys! Ichiro’s – like – totally the best at rap battles!,” Erza yelled, “Whoop his ass man! You got this!”

A sea of hands grabbed and pulled a bashful Ichiro to the forefront of the commotion. Annoyed, he looked around to try and see who was grabbing and shoving him around to no avail, eventually giving up. His face contorted into a prototypical white boy awkward greeting smile, holding one of his hands up - stiff - to greet the crowd, his shoulders almost higher than his head. He begrudgingly turned towards the shadowy figure, his expression drooping to one of exasperation.

“Oh I’m sorry if I interrupted something over there. I didn’t realise that you’re quite the ladies man, Ichiro! Do you want me to give you and your bitches some time? I would hate to interrupt any game that was being played.”

“Pft! Bite me man, let's get this over with.”

“Right. And who am I kidding? I would actually LOVE to interrupt exactly that.”

“Quit yapping, freak. Have you got a beat for us or what? Or are you just going to ruin the party some more?”

The figure scoffed. Simultaneously, a towering glowing speaker materialised behind the figure and a reverb-y synth echoed. “Of course,” the man said, a busting beat now bellowing. A beat so scrumptious and groovy the crowd suddenly became a bit more enthusiastic about the whole idea and tightly circled the adversaries. “2 rounds each, yeah? We’ll flip a coin as for who goes second. What do you want?”

“Head. Always,” Ichiro said.

“Okay here goes,” the figure says flipping a coin with such tangible dramatic flare it literally glistened in the LED strip lights as it flew. The man catches the coin and peers at the result.

“It’s heads, You’re lucky Ichiro.”

The figure shadow-boxed to the beat and adjusted his trench coat buttons, in an attempt to psych himself up. He twisted the volume dial on his voice changing synthesiser. It was time.

 

The Shadowey figure rapped, “Can we get a rapper who has some passion and soul, Not this fapper who has a rash and a mole. Always stashin some gold. Takin’ a nap in the cold. Shitty fashion and old; go start working the pole!” Perfectly on beat and with a dazzling flow.

Unease spread throughout the crowd, as this first verse was pretty bodacious. How would Ichiro respond?

Ichiro rapidly retorted with, “The names Ichiro from Buster Bros! You’re a foe in a shitty trench coat. While I'm out here getting hoes, You’ll go and Suck-her toes!” I mean pot calling the kettle black but, regardless, ‘twas a nice clapback from Ichiro.

Ichiro garnered a few cheers and chuckles from that one. Just one more round now, best wrap this up quickly - the second drink was starting to have an effect. The figure looked a bit antsy and impatient.

“What a fake little thug you are. Everyone knows your name near and far? Maybe as the female pee scum star…Go home and finish your MLP cum jar!”

Oh shit. Many members of the crowd yelled in support at that diss. ‘This wasn’t good,’ Ichiro thought. He’s never gone against someone who could match his energy so quickly. He was losing the crowd fast. He urgently needed to cook up some fillet mignon level trisyllabic disses. An orb of sweat danced down Ichiro’s cheek.

“In a physical brawl you’re taking flyte. You're a whimsical fool, all waking night. You’ll .. you’ll y-y- I will I- uhh..” He had fucked it! Ichiro’s first two lines were fire but he couldn’t quite freestyle the finishing blow! Perhaps a result of the alcohol.

The crowd erupted into deathly booing.

The synthy beat ended suddenly with a record scratch, “Ohehehehe! It’s so fun watching you squirm! I thought you were THE Ichiro. What kind of performance was that?! Get a load of this guy.” A few voices in the crowd laughed as the rest murmured uneasily.

Ichiro dropped to his knees in defeat, with a vacant expression. ‘How? How could this happen? To someone as good as me?’ Ichiro thought.

The figure delighted in the pathetic twink’s suffering. Revelling in Ichiro’s shame, he belted into an extreme and child-like laughter.

“HAHAHhahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!”, the figure laughed, losing his composure and grip on his synth powers.

He lost control long enough for Dwayne to break free.

“EY! QUIT LAUGHING, JACKASS! YOU’RE MINE!” Dwayne delivered a skull-shattering punch into the mysterious man’s sternum, sending him flying black through the hole he entered and fourteen other buildings in an instant. The cataclysmic sound of which shortly followed. The crowd erupted into hysterical applause and cheers.

Dwayne stood firm with his fist still outreached, from which a silky smoke effervesced. “Pft. What a punk. You guys wanna take this to the club?!”. The company cheered even harder, some even began to chant his name.

The crowd filtered out of the house, following Dwayne, and past a dejected Ichiro. “STUPID! STUPID! STUPID!,” Ichiro said as he pounded his fist into his forehead, “Wait guys, where are you going?!”

“Away from your lame ass dude,” Erza said as she walked past, “I can’t believe I kissed a loser like you. Get bent.” She walked away towards the moving crowd.

“Seriously bro that anon totally pwned you,” said a flamboyantly dressed man sporting fiery blue hair and lipstick.

“I mean I’ve always been told I’m unwanted, lame, stupid, and bad at music but you’re something else,” a man in a lime green hoodie and white mask added, “Stick to your day job buddy.”

“By the way my name's Idia Shroud and while you did get your ass handed to you like a noob in a ranked lobby, I know what it is like to buckle under the expectations of others. Keep your head up king,” Idia said, “Anyways who invited YOU Dream?? Get the hell out of here!”. Dream sauntered away, depressed.

“Yeah ahah, it happens to the best of us Ichiro,” Chris said. “Yeah aha! We’ll see you around,” Patrick added. The twins jogged away with their girlfriends close in tow.

“Look.”, Idia said, bending down to whisper to Ichiro, who still had his eyes glued onto the ground, “I think I may have some information that may be of some use to you.”

“Tch, Can it, fire-man,” Ichiro said as he looked up at the blue bloke looking like HE instead was the one from the island of woe, “I’m finished. Nothing you say to me could fix this situation. Now scram!”

“Alright, suit yourself but here’s my discord info if you change your mind dude.” Idia slipped a neatly folded piece of Hello Kitty lined notebook paper into Ichiro’s button up pocket and walked away.

Ichiro wallowed in his own self-pity. Eventually getting up once the house was barren and the night air drew bitter and misty. Eventually, getting back to his pad, Ichiro slumped onto his bed, neither undressing nor doing his skincare routine; he instantly fell asleep.

This, for sure, was a tough one for Ichiro to bounce back from. But the dawn of the new day will surely decide his next steps…

Chapter 6: On your feet, Dude

Sometimes I am kept awake by troubling thoughts. Troubling thoughts about the nature of choice and decision making and the consequences thereafter. If we are all just insane conglomerates of subatomic marbles, each atom comprising us on a different trajectory and travelling since the explosive inception of everything then has our final endpoints already been determined. In other words, If I gear up to toss a stone into a lake, the pebble is definitely going to splash into the water at the point at which I target, as was decided when I aimed. Likewise if the atoms at the big bang, acted like they do now, and they were thrown into being in order to create us, do we have no say in the matter of where we will end? Like the stone, will we have no choice as to which ripples we make.
Sometimes these thoughts follow me into my dreams. I wonder about a crystalline labyrinthe of thoughts, searching desperately - starving - to find food for thought. I walk through galleries, chock full of landscapes of every autumn I have ever seen. Harkening back to the fallen leaf revelations I once had, as a young adult. We are all fleeting but will eventually go back to become a part of the hand that fed us. In other words, the idea that we will become one with the sea of human interaction and ideas and decisions once we pass, just like the leaf becomes the food for the worm that fertilises the tree’s soil.
Though, If it is true and our love ripples across time beyond our mortal presence then what good is it if these ripples were already written in stone eons ago? Is it not true that the inherent value of love is that we choose to care for our fellow lives not because we have to but because we can? It’s certainly a bittersweet revelation. Can love exist in a world devoid of will?

I walk through fields of daffodils, feeling the waxy leaves brush the tips of my fingers, painting them yellow. I skip past the idyllic landscapes of windmills and wishing wells. I skip through an archway and now I am inside of a laboratory or a factory..? I am not quite sure. Disassembled pianos and blue chalky chemicals litter the cold assembly lines and my ankles are painted blue. Without realising it, I walk through an empty battlefield, clambering over jagged monoliths of metal and shattered CRT TVs. Dreams make no sense, do they? My feet get soaked by a thick coating of red, as I lug them through the soaking earth.
My legs grow tired. I feel my legs grow tired. I feel them. I feel.

If I am just made of everything, in the sense that I came from and will become again all matter, then how come only I know what it feels like to be me? How cruel. How beautifully cruel.

I reek of myself. No other matter or person or alien or animal will feel what I feel. Even if fate is predetermined, I still feel. I still feel like I exist and I am choosing. Even if the phenomena of this very conversation is just a culmination of the trillions upon trillions of synaptic connections in my brain that have interwoven together over time, then the fact remains that, no matter how you put it, I do feel. I feel it all.
I feel everything. I feel the wetness of rain, I feel the smell of fresh bread, I feel the sensation of being carsick, I feel confused when making a tough choice. I do things when I shouldn’t. And I do things when I should. I feel in love sometimes, I really do and I have felt heartbroken.

The dream is coming to an end now. I stack poker chips, organising them by colour and value into neat piles. Yet, the dream architecture begins to break down; The white poker pieces keep reappearing in my hand no matter how many times I drop it onto the ever-growing heap. My chest palpitatates and grows warm. The love I give people is the same love. shifting and growing it contorts into different formly representations, nevertheless clinging on to its otherworldly identity from when I was seven all the way to thirty seven.

What does it matter if everything is predetermined or not! If it is all written in stone, then that does not negate the fact that we experience them and we should never take that for granted. A famous man once said that an algorithm could never predict whether or not the executed code would repeat forever or not - or at least it couldn’t do it faster than us just running the damn code and finding out. I see a murky visage of the man’s face warping in the water ahead. This is like us. Regardless of whether or not things have already been determined, or if we do have free will, or there is a god, or a hell, it is faster to just simply experience than deliberating over stuff we cannot know.
A gentle breeze brushes through my hair. I cannot claim to fully understand this stuff and I doubt I ever will but I do feel a bit better. I will likely experience fearful thoughts again one day. But hey, isn’t that the point of this stuff.

I feel the yellow on my hands.

I feel the blue on my legs.

I feel the red on my feet.

I feel.

I feel.

I feel.

The gentle breeze grows stronger now. I smile, as a giant hurricane blasts into me.

 

‘Brrp,’ Ichiro farted, waking himself up, “Wh-wha huh? Who goes there? Ya tryna steal ma’ crown?!” He eventually realised the coast was clear.

In the same position as he was when he collapsed, defeated, on his bed last night, Ichiro strained his aching muscles in an operation to get himself up. Well to sit up at least.

“Mannn,” Ichiro groaned, scratching his nuts, “What a dream… I was making Nachos with… Nobara, Yuji, and Megumi from JJK … I think.”

His amusement dissolved as he remembered the peril that ensued the night prior. Ugh, What an ass whooping. While he was admittedly ashamed of his performance he wasn’t nearly as devastated as he was when the pain was fresh. Ichiro was used to being a social reject and therefore could easily slip back into the shape of a recluse. This time maybe needed a volume or two more than usual of ‘That Time I Got Reincarnated as a Slime’. It was just the disappointment of almost finally being somewhat popular that shattered his soul in the moment but Ichiro was famously flexible, figuratively and literally, and consequently could learn to stifle his embarrassment during the one or so cumulative hours he'll now brave outside of his dorm room per week.

“Man what a drag,” Ichiro said, “I was so disheartened I forgot to do my skincare routine before bed last night! Welp, let’s not let the past drag my skin down.” He stripped out of his clothes and tossed them onto the floor with the others. His willy now unleashed. KSHHH the shower hissed as he prepared to hop in.

Ichiro relieved his bowels etc, did his skin routine, then washed, douched, and towelled off in an impressive 17 minutes. Saturday mornings were douche days after all and no little loss would let Ichiro linger with a dirty ass. This man knows his worth and so should you!

After getting dressed, Ichiro chucked himself onto his office chair and turned on his PC. While heading for the spotify icon his cursor grazed the shortcut for Discord. Idia’s words echoing in his mind, he thought ‘pft, what do I have to lose?’ and opened the app and pulled the neat note from the pile of clothes by his feet. Fuelled by a sense of morbid curiosity, Ichiro direct messaged the eccentric man that tempted him the night prior. Perhaps seeking a sense of closure.

 

“Hi. It’s Ichiro. What was that info you had for me?,” Ichiro typed.

…

… 10 minutes passed. Ichiro almost gave up at this point, waiting at his desk, his legs swinging back and forth.

 

“oh hey man, hru after last night? I hope ur not too down bad haha” Idia typed just like he spoke.

“Well y’know that's life you know”

“damn bro’s really got that depression cope status condition frfr”

“Huh”

“nvm. k so basically i may have an idea of who this mysteru player is. mystery*** ”

“Wait really?! Who is it? Samatoki? Prince Geordo?”

“ ok so when i said i know who it might be that was kinda a lie but instead i have some info that could help you figure it out.”

“Word. Do tell.

“ok so dont ask me why but there i was the other night scrolling certain erm… women hate adjacent forums…(ironically i promise!!!) i love women! :3. anyways i saw some guy who seemed to really hate yuor guts. like fr. like he was going on and on about how we was totally going to destroy your rep and this party he was going to. he mentioned that if any forum members were from the NJTA and wanted to witness the mayhem then to come to [the address of Dwayne's house]”

“Oh shit man. Wait a minute! Why didn’t you warn me?!”

“ to be honest dude, most of these guys on these forums are all talk and like i thought maybe this guy was just some nerd that was mad at you for stealing his girlfriend and was just going to do some cringy ass tiktok confrontation at the party so i actually just wanted to watch you game-end this guy. i totally didn’t expect a katana man to show up with psychic music powers to whoop you instead”
“That’s fair but how do we find this guy?”

“ well you know me im quite the slooth. sluth? oh wait its sleuth haha. anyways i did some digginf and found out some cool stuff about this guy. aside from all his vitriolic rants and game reviews, i found out that he runs this board game club in the city. i think that would be a good place to start looking. ill ping you the address now ”

“Oh my god you GOAT! Thank you so much!”

“ haha speaking of league hmu if u wanna play some time. i promise im epic. anyways good luck byeeeeee ”

“Thanks dawg. Bye yo!”

Ichiro thought to himself quietly as he got up from his desk and looked out the window. Scratching his chin. Even if he did find this guy… could he even do anything? He got beaten pretty badly last time. God knows what the figure was going to do to him had Dwayne not catapulted the guy away. He could not afford another loss. Even with prep time, Ichiro was hesitant to launch haphazardly into this foray.

 

Ichiro needed some time to think. He headed to the courtyard for a moment to clear his mind.

Chapter 7: Ichiro gets his shit together!

It was an interesting day out. Not quite a quintessential autumn day but not a particularly summer-ey one either. The sky wasn’t overcast but instead had a pale blue hue and the lively evergreen trees and weeds juxtaposed against the rusty undergrowth. Fewer people were about than during the busy week and the ones that did varied between bundled in fully fledged scarves and winter jackets, while others merely sported hoodies and gym shorts. Ichiro layed somewhere in the middle, wearing his very iconic Ichiro fit.
He sauntered down the campus path down a tree patchwork boulevard that led off-campus somewhere, a crunching noise coming from his every step. He yawned and condensed breath rose.

‘Perhaps Buddy would have some wise words of advice? Plus I could do with the merry attitude,’ Ichiro wondered, hands in pockets. He looked towards a somewhat quiet off-track trail and decided to venture inwards, finding a quaint lonesome bench overlooking an equally serene duck pond. He sat and fiddled with his phone.

‘Ring….Ring…. Ring………….Ring…………………….’ Ichiro’s phone rang as there was no response from Buddy. Hm that was odd but it was around half nine, so if Buddy was still sleeping that would be fair, he had an exam yesterday after all. Ichiro felt funny as he realised he hadn’t considered other people for the longest of times, being social does that to you I guess. Nevertheless, Ichiro decided not to pester the sleeping elf with any more phone calls, as he didn’t want to bother his tired friend with something so trivial.

‘Well this is a nice pond, I guess,’ said Ichiro, looking out at the ducks, ‘I suppose even if I royally embarrassed myself at that party, at least I still have Buddy and that’s more friends than I started this week with.’

“Oh sorry man, am I interrupting a character growth moment?,” a voice joked, in a friendly manner.

“Oh hey dude. Is this your spot? No go ahead, you can sit,” Ichiro replied.

A young man came into view from the same path Ichiro entered. His large, spiky hair blew in the wind. Unusually, He was in a summer outfit - clearly an eccentric character. “Hah no but it might as well be. I love ducks! Haha. Man it’s chilly out!” the young man said, stretching his opened shirt-jacket to cover himself.

“Hey man, can I ask you for some advice?” Ichiro says.

“Yeah why not. I can’t promise sagacious advice though haha”

“I got embarrassed at this party last night at the one thing I’m supposed to be good at - rapping. This scary bad guy ambushed me and now I know where he’s staying to ambush him back but I’m not sure If I’m even able to face him again. Sorry if that’s a bit crazy yo”

“No, I totally get it. I’ve been getting attacked by a lot of crazies recently too. Though, thankfully, not a rap battle. I don’t think either of us could handle that. But I mean what's the problem”

“Us? Wait, what do you mean?”

“Well, like, what’s the point in trying to get back at him? Like if he’s so dangerous, you might as well just leave him be. You’re still kicking and the guy got what he wanted. Best to not tempt fate right?”

“That's true yo, but what if he comes for me again?”

“I mean maybe, but then deal with it then. Maybe he will come again but maybe not. I wouldn’t give some bozo too much thought dude,” the guy says, taking out some duck feed from one of his breast pockets.

“Hmmm very true.”

“Yeah I’m kinda learning that the hard way. Who can be bothered with the whole revenge subplot anyway? I mean I’m starting to feel like its a bit self-obsessed anyway, no offence”

“Wow I wasn’t expecting actual advice from you yo! So sagacious!”

“You know me! I’m the sagacious-est!,” the man grinned, pointing both of his index fingers at Ichiro, in finger guns.

“Okay I think I will just leave it then. Thanks man. I’ll probably head back to my dorm now,” Ichiro said getting up. The man fed the ducks.

“Wait dude! I need some info in return!,” the man said, standing up too.

“Uh yeah sure. What’s up?”

“Do you happen to know anyone around here called Beau Nifaz? Don Beau?”

“Nope.”

“Ah. That’s annoying,” the man said, his shoulder beginning to glow a bright blue.

“Huh? Why? Why is your shoulder glowing dude??”

A grey dumbo rat materialised on the man’s shoulder. “Hey Booms looks like the Rat Trappler DID send us to another dimension using that cheese portal. I knew I shouldn’t have gotten the bus.”

“Wh-What a Rat? The hell is going on here Yo? Are you punking me?!”

“Oh yeah sorry man. Yeah this is my buddy Mike. The name’s Mike. Nice to meetya. I can summon rats, it’s cool.”

“....You’re - like - both called Mike, yo?”

“Yeah it’s sick. We’re literally besties. We’re made for eachother, aren’t we booms?” The rat squeaks, and wiggles its tail. “Well we oughta get a move on, seeya colourful eyes man!” The animal and man ran back from whence they came.

Ichiro followed suit and began trudging back to campus, with a newfound sense of acceptance. Despite the eccentricness of the character he just met, and even more so the wackiness of the characters he had met this week heretofore, the advice was pretty sound. He traced his way back down the boulevard.

A familiar pair of silhouettes clambered towards Ichiro from the horizon. It was the twins!

 

“Oh my god Ichiro! We are so glad to see you,” Patrick panted.

“We need your help!,” Chris said, “Buddy has been taken! Probably by that mystery fella!”

“What?! No! That bastard!,” Ichiro cried, “How?”

“We don’t know, but we just found a ransom note for him posted through our dorm door…”

“And it's worse. He has our girlfriends too.”

“Wh- why do you think I’d be any help?! I was useless yesterday…,” Ichiro muttered.

“Pft. That was nothing most people were too shitfaced to even remember and plus we would ask Dwayne but he has a major hangover so that's a no go. Please, Ichiro, help us.”

 

Ichiro had made peace with letting bygones be bygones but this guy, messing with his friends? That's a no go! He could never stand by and just watch as an innocent soul such as Buddy gets caught in the crossfire of some nefarious villain’s scheme. “Of course I’ll help,” Ichiro said, as the twins smiled with a determined fervour, “I know where he is but I just gotta get a few things together and then we can attack. This time I’m ready. Meet me outside my building in 3 hours.”

“Yessir!” the twins shouted in Unison, Jogging off.

It was go-time.

Chapter 8: Just Lemme' Change

“Well gentlemen... You all know why I’ve gathered you here today,” Ichiro said as he walked down the line of people, “Our community has been attacked and it’s time we launch a counteroffensive to get those lost back to us safe and sound.”

The line consisted of an impressive collection of folks. Standing at the front, decked out in wrestling attire, was the Davinky twins. They were amped up on the finest of pre-workout powder and hairspray. No one else in the group looked quite as electrified for battle. Next up was none other than the Chef himself, Tim Lockwood, towering above the rest of the party.
“Anything to help my best customer, Ichiro,” His deep voice bellowed as he tightly clutched onto a harpoon in one hand and an improvised anchor weapon in the other. Erza stood at the back with a scabbard, “Pft. I'm only here to get Pamantha and Nicole back alright?! What we did, Ichiro, was one time, Got it?!”
Finally, Ichiro stood out as the leader of the group, prepared with a headset microphone and freshly stretched from a level 3 difficulty Yoga routine.

“Okay are ya ready guys?!” Ichiro yelled, “256 Ferry St, Newark, NJ 07105, Okay? Let’s go!!”

The party began to dash completely in unison, a viscous energy was in the air. A multi-colour crystalline thunder flowed from the group. Causing everyone in their vicinity’s hair to stand on end, due to the pure amount of passionate rage and determination that our folks exuded. Their destination came up from the horizon…

The bus stop.

They stopped running and all stood patiently waiting for the bus. Greeting the friendly old lady already waiting there. The board game club was like 2 miles away and what? Did you really expect them to run all that way? Get a grip. Oh look at you misses sporty over here. Get a load of you.
The bus came and they politely paid their $1.80 fare and took any spare seat they could find - it was quite busy after all. After a hair-raising 25 minutes, they arrived outside the board game club.

“Man, the US government really oughta invest more into public transportation cause that…Heh.. Was pretty fun,” Erza said, genuinely.

“Are ya ready guys?” Ichiro said as the group stood outside the shop, looking enthusiastically between each other, “Okay prepare for a battle… 3, 2, 1… Go!!”

The five bolted through the glass doors, or at least they did after Ichiro figured out it was a push door instead of a pull door. What a goober! What lay inside were just a few normal looking nerd kids, but upon entering they sprang up and grew in vitality and size.

“Hm. These guys must be stationed here in the event we come here…,” Chris said.

The nerd monsters contorted into hulking abominations of themselves, some becoming wide and bulbous, while others became long and spindly. Both being almost double of their original size.
In spite of their hideous forms, they were no match for our heroes! Erza wasted no time unsheathing her pristine sword and delivering a flurry of slashes to the spindly monster's tendons causing it to crumple under its own weight.
Tim Lockwood followed as he effortlessly lugged a board game table on its side to make a makeshift cover for himself. He aimed his harpoon at one of the foul beasts, while also tying the end of the harpoon string to the leg of the table. ‘KSH’ Tim pulled the trigger and a sharp harpoon impaled one of the creatures, triggering it to enter a hysterical gamer-rage. This was short lived, however, as the table followed shortly after, knocking the beast out cold.
The twins dashed out from under the cover, as Ichiro penned some fire disses, pacing towards a creature in unison.

“‘Splash bros’ attack!,” the twins said in unison, before taking eachothers hands and flinging each other at the monster, taking turns beating it senseless in an impressive and complicated acrobatics routine. It choked and collapsed after the cosmic pummelling it just received.

Ichiro roasted the last standing nerd, with a new diss he just cooked, causing it to die out of being roasted too hard.

“Phew. Good work guys,” Ichiro said, “Bossman has got to be close I can almost smell him”

“To be honest, It might just be the normal smell of a place like this,” Erza snarked, scoffing at all of the unopened comic merchandise.

“Hey Ichiro looks like this is the manager’s office - I think this would be the place,” Tim said.

“Alright guys, prepare for anything. Let’s head on in,” Ichiro commanded.

The gang stormed the room to find a man keeled over a desk. It was him, the cloaked figure, a pathetic mass of a man barely standing against his desk, pools of blood leaking from his mask. Dwayne’s punch clearly had left a mark.

 

“Pft. Ichiro….. Came to get your revenge?,” the masked man said, craning his neck to look at him.

“No. I’m here to get my friends back,” Ichiro replied

“Or else!,” Erza yelled.

“Who am I to stop you in this state… you’ve got me.. This way. I’ll bring you to them,” his voice changer was glitching from the physical damage it had received. His voice rapidly switched pitches and had erroneous noise sprinkled into each sentence. The man slowly dragged his body towards a door at the back of his office, beckoning the group to follow him.

“Man, this is kinda sad actually,” Chris said.

The group followed the injured man and he pressed a button on the wall, which caused a great racket. The side room was actually an elevator. Like that one scene in Evangelion, the ride was awkward and long as the platform descended through a hefty number of levels before reaching a terminus. “We’re here.” said the mystery man, walking out from the elevator.

The crew entered to see a grandiose underground lair, complete with megalithic stalactites from the ceiling. The man walked towards a trash-littered table in the middle of the room.

“Quit the silence, dude. Who are you?!” Ichiro demanded. His voice echoed off the cave walls.

“Heh. Ichiro, you are such a fool,” The mysterious figure said, taking a few gulps of a Monster energy can that lay on the table, “I guess I must be the smart one.” The man’s throat glowed with bright neon coloured energy, which then spread outwards to the rest of his body, having a rejuvenating effect on him and his voice changer.

“Damn we took the bait!” Tim Lockwood said, beginning to swing his anchor weapon, “That bastard’s gone and healed himself!”

“WHERE’S NICOLE AND PAMANTHA YOU FREAK!,” Erza yelled, lunging towards the man with ferocious speed. Unfortunately, telegraphing her sword swings to a foreseeable degree. The man just stepped out of the way as a juicy beat started playing and the characteristic speaker started emerging from the ground.

“Heh I thought Bimbo’s were supposed to be blonde, lady!,” the man said, while dodging her attacks. He began to rap, “You got some slutty clothes Erza Scarlet. Someone better go blur the harlot”. A pulse of hip-hop energy resonated from the figure’s words, causing Erza to be flung across the room, causing her to drop her weapons.

“Erza!,” Ichiro and Tim Lockwood yelled.

Tim flung his anchor at the man, while Ichiro and the twins ran at the man from different directions.
The man dodged the anchor that dropped with an earth shattering force, the force of which made him briefly lose his footing.

“Tim Lockwood Hi I’m boutta drop the sea bass, go home and cry about your dead wee lass!”, the man rapped, the force of which knocked Tim off his feet, causing him to fall out of commission.

Ichiro lands a punch onto the man during his imbalance, sending him flying back a foot or two. Running back towards the trio, the man unsheathed his katana. The Twins looked at Ichiro and nodded and began to run towards him also. Ichiro picked up Erza’s sword from the ground and flung it towards the zooming adversary. TANGG. The figure used the sword to ricochet the incoming sword away from him, the force of the impact caused his sword and the arm holding it to be flung outwards. Using the crucial opportunity, the twins entered the fray and delivered a double, synchronous, punch to the open face of the stunned figure, causing a critical amount of damage to the voice-changing face mask. It began to crack and crumble. Again, beginning to glitch.

“Aghhh!! You B-B-B-B-B-B-BASTARDS!”, glitched the man’s voice, “Th-th-th-that is sooooooo expENSIVE you kn-kn-know!!” The man groaned in rage. “Get a grip guys your hair looks like the nest of a dead bird! You guys are just the Modern day Canadian J--J-J-Jedward!” The glitch of the mask actually made this bar sound waaay better. The DaVinky twins slumped over in defeat. Revelling in his 3 person win streak, the man did a little jig to himself, rotating an imaginary turntable.

During the figure’s arrogant celebration, Ichiro delivered a substantial roundhouse kick to the cocky figure. Finishing off the mask of the figure. It crumbled and pieces fell off of it one by one.

“Pft. How do you like THAT?!,” Ichiro yelled, “Now where are they?!”

“Why must you intervene, Ichiro!,” a normal sounding yet familiar male voice emerged from the figure

“Wh-who are you?” Ichiro asked, bracing in a fighting stance.

More pieces of the mask fell off until it was completely gone. That face. It was… It was… Ichiro’s.

“What's going on here?!,” Ichiro said shakily.

“That’s right Ichiro. I am you.”

Another figure walked out from deeper in the cavern, clutching two women attached by a chain leash, the movement of which was accompanied by a jingling. Ichiro looked towards the noise. To his horror, it was not the rustling of chains which was causing the noise but sleigh bells! A green dressed man emerged from the shadows. It was Buddy!

“H-How is this possible? How can this be, Yo?” Ichiro exclaimed “Buddy are you… with this guy?”

“I’m sorry things had to turn out this way, Ichiro,” Buddy said softly.

“EXPLAIN YOURSELF!,” Ichiro wailed, with a cataclysmic emotionality to his words.

Buddy attached the girlfriends to a post and sat down politely beside them. The other Ichiro tore off remaining mask pieces from his face. “Well it's a long one,” said Buddy, “I never had any luck with the elf ladies or the women of earth so I decided to join this organisation who promised to help me. This is where my boss, Ichiro, comes in.”

“Ichiro I am a clone of you”, The other Ichiro said, “however long ago whoever created me created me as an imperfect clone of you one with unique personality defects just for their own entertainment! He made me… unable to get bitches… What a cruel joke.”

Ichiro reels back in shock.

“That is right, Ichiro, It is I, Incel Ichiro.”

“This cannot be, yo!”, Ichiro said

“Can so” Incel Ichiro replied.

“Nuh-uh,”

“Yuh-huh! Think about it dumbass, who else would be able to defeat you in a rap battle? A version of you that doesn’t go outside and talks to even less women so they have more time to practise freestyle!” Incel Ichiro said, “I planned to ruin your reputation, ruin your chances with girls, and make you make a friend that betrays your trust - causing you to retreat even further into your shell! And I couldn’t have done it without Buddy here. My man on the inside, if you will. His time working in the mailroom and at the north pole, was tantamount for us knowing the addresses for the party, for the girlfriends, and to post the ransom note.”

“And then what?”, Ichiro said.

“I was going to take your place,” Incel Ichiro said, “Because of my schemes you’d become the Incel! And I’d get to be normal. I’d get to be epic! I WOULD GET BITCHES!”

“Okay, for one… I don’t even get any! So how is that going to work? And Two: what’s the point in kidnapping these girls here?”

“Well as for them, I will kill them. Happy couples that aren’t me are inhuman and deserve to die. I will kill both boyfriends and one of the girlfriends. Buddy will get to keep the other one as his date! Mwahahahahaha! Y’know what, I think I’ll kill Erza too. Y’know females are all the same, Ichiro. Think about what she said to you after you lost our rap battle?”

Erza’s words calling him a loser, echoed in Ichiro’s mind. “Unless you wanna join me, Ichiro? We can change the world together. Come. Take the redpill!” Incel Ichiro said, tiptoeing ever closer to Ichiro.

“Nah Imma do my own thing,” Ichiro said, taking an enormous leap backwards, his jacket blowing up in the stale air.

 

Buddy sighed and stood up. “I really liked you, Ichiro,” Buddy said, disappointedly. He reached into his miniature santa sack and pulled out his very own katana and took a few steps forward and presumed a guard stance. “Bankai.”

 

Buddy’s sword started glowing a light blue and started freezing the floor surrounding his feet.

“Guy’s! Battle’s not over,” Ichiro said, looking towards the floored party members, “On your feet.”

The roasted teammates pulled themselves together. Readying for another round of combat. Erza summoned a giant hammer, Tim used the frosty cavern floor to freeze a fish, from which he fashioned a type of weapon. The Davinky twins played patty cake in order to reinstate their morale.

“Look Guys. I’m going to take on Incel Ichiro. Alone. It has to just be me and him,” Ichiro says looking towards the scrappy lot, “I believe in you guys. You can defeat Buddy. But please don’t kill him as I can tell his vulnerability has been taken advantage of to radicalise him. He is clearly in pain and I reckon he could change.”

“Right! You got this too!,” the twins said in unison, bracing for an attack.

“Thank you guys for being here with me, I couldn’t have gotten this far without you guys,” Ichiro said, turning towards The incel, “Let’s Dance.”

 

Ichiro explosively lunged towards the incel with the power of fifteen diss tracks, the hip-hoppin fury was tangible and glowed as an afterimage trailing long behind him. The force of Ichiro’s attack caused the pair to be launched out of the cavern and up into the outside world. Like a dragon ball Z fight, they were now fighting above a non-descript landscape, in particular a forest.

“Pft. Where did that power come from?! Are you finally ready for your rematch?!” Incel Ichiro shouted, shoving Ichiro off of him, causing them to finally stop in place - hovering mid air. Held up only by their aeronautical flow game.

“Ichiro,” Ichiro said, “I am not going to battle-rap you but I’m not going to stop you from doing so. I recently realised that maybe doing things out of revenge is selfish and instead I gotta do things for other people. And even then I will choose to make actions of love and not out of hate. My music doesn’t NEED to be a battle. I could also love people through my music. I can use it to cause a change. I forgot this a long time ago, Yo!”

Ichiro began to rap, as a chipper and dramatic orchestral beat began to play, “I can make a promise. I can make a plan. I can make a difference. I can take a stand. I can make an effort! If I only understand-a-a-a-and that I, I can make a change.” The first lines caused Ichiro to surge with energy, a type of energy he hadn’t felt in a long time. The two Ichiro’s collided fists sending out a musical shockwave, causing birds to fly out from the trees. “ARGHHH,” The incel tried to throw another punch but Ichiro managed to catch it and parry it, with a west-side rhythm to it.

Ichiro said, as the beat continued, “Listen to me Ichiro, I understand. After everything you’ve been through… being created in a lab for the sole purpose of being alone. You must be in a lot of pain!”

“No! NO!,” Incel Ichiro replied, repeatedly punching himself on the forehead and wincing, “YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND! You can’t change the way I feel about women!!”

Incel Ichiro delivered a melodic flying kick onto Ichiro, who quickly responded by blocking with his arms in an X-shape. Regardless he was still sent flying downwards a few feet. Not giving him much time to breathe, Incel Ichiro chased him, as Ichiro shot homing beams of pure vibe as he fell, the Incel struggled to evade, eventually getting hit by the last beam. Causing a big plume of weed smoke to block his vision. From the darkness, Ichiro emerged and sent a mighty Easy-E hook in the direction of the incel. Evidently sharp, the incel ducked the punch and threw an uppercut in return. This also missed very narrowly. They both leaped backwards.

“That's right!,” Ichiro yelled, “Only you can!!”

This angered the Incel even more, leading him to grab Ichiro and propel them both up even higher above the cloudline, propelled only by the incel’s funky grooves. Ichiro managed to wriggle free, landing a strike on the incel, allowing for some distance to be afforded between the two again, as they rose higher and higher. One could only wonder… Could we get much higher?

Ichiro began to rap again, “You can make it different. You can make it right. You can make it better….” The incel’s angry gaze softened, “We don’t have to flyte! You can make an effort starting with ton-i-i-i-ght”

The two had reached the upper limits of the stratosphere at this point, Ichiro still rapped his little heart out, “‘Cause youuuuu, you can make a change!”. Ichiro was sweating from the pure amount of passion and energy he was pouring into this track.

“Just shut the fuck up won’t ya! You can’t just fix everything with some dumb rap! Take this! My B.I.G Punch!!”.

Oh shit. Ichiro just got hit with an absolute tank wallop of a strike, sending him at break-neck speeds towards the ground. Ichiro would have been toast had he not cushioned his fall with his silky smooth, Drake duvet technique.

Ichiro got up, dusting a few twigs and dirt particulates off of him. The incel walked towards him, eyes still glazed.

The incel said, “All that stuff is easy for you to say! A change for you is making a new friend or even kissing a girl. My change is becoming more and more socially inept. I change for the WORSE!” The incel ichiro delivered a sucker punch to Ichiro, nowhere near as hard as the last one.

“I JUST WASN’T MADE FOR LOVE,” The incel Ichiro cried, whilst delivering a flurry of pathetic punches into Ichiro’s guard, “I’LL NEVER EXPERIENCE LOVE… AND NOW CAUSE I’VE DONE WHAT I’VE DONE I’LL NEVER BE TRULY LOVED AT ALL!!”. The incel begins to cry a few (obviously manly) tears as the punches grind to a halt.

“Listen, Ichiro 2 or 1 or whatever you are. Trust me we can help undo the pain you have caused… together. You just have to try,” Ichiro said.

“Hahaha,” The incel said, tearing up, “well at least you seem to care about me. I guess you are me after all. What am I doing? I am supposed to make music. I’m supposed to be a rapper.”

“No,” Ichiro said, “You are your own person. We are not each other. We will walk out of each other's shadows… together dawg.”

“Hah,” the incel sniffled, “Okay I’ll try.” The two embrace in a hardcore and manly man hug. The fight was over. They both let go of eachother

 

It was unclear whether or not it was the adrenaline, or the tears, or all of the blood loss but Ichiro turned towards the other Ichiro and said softly “I will show you…. love”.

 

Ichiro kissed the Incel. And he kissed him back harder.

Chapter 9: A package came in the Male

CW:18+

”Heh,” Ichiro said nervously, “Always kiss your homies, am I right?!”

“Right ahahah…,” chuckled the other Ichiro, “Oh my god I really went too far, didn’t I? Look at your wounds!”

“Same could be said about me. Your wounds are pretty gnarly too.”

“I…tchh”, the second Ichiro winces in pain, “My house or well… My shack is not far from here. I built it here in the middle of the forest when I escaped the facility that created me… We can treat your wounds there if you want to come back to mine?”

“Hah yeah and I could go for a beer or a bottle of milk right now too… my vocal chords are feeling pretty strained right now, Yo!”

“I feel ya. Let’s go, it's not too far away from here.”

The two phoned Buddy’s phone number as they walked, being greeted by the twins proclaiming victory against evil. A selfie of the twins with a fishing net restrained Buddy in the background and freed girlfriends’ laughing at him followed suit. Tim Lockwood was posing in front of Buddy, like in those photos of men who had just caught a big fish.

The pair limp steadily down a rarely trodden overgrown footpath in the middle of the tall forest. The beauty of the fall forest was on full display. Our heroes neatly tucked into a beautiful impressionist quilt of orange and browns. A confetti of falling leaves marked their shared victory.
The pair reached the ramshackle cottage that stood in a clearing in the forest. Clearly made out of spare materials and stolen goods, much like a bird nest. Though the inside was a different story. Oh the inside! It was a Pinterest girl's dream. An instant sense of cosy calmness washed over the pair of recent enemies. Somehow, despite being built by an Ichiro, it was almost bespoke in its construction. Nevertheless, the walls were littered with Buster Bros merch and posters of other rappers.

“Hey take off your shirt, I’ll get the first aid kit,” The second Ichiro said, as he clambered upstairs to the medicine cabinet.
“Wow, I didn’t know we were so assertive,” said the first Ichiro, taking off his shirt, “Wait if he’s me…. Then he should have this right here in the refrigerator! Aha!” Ichiro pulled an ice cold Dr. Pepper from the back of the refrigerator, it's cold dew glistening almost seductively in the fridge light.

Ichiro took a few gulps of the beverage, instantly causing all of his wounds to heal. How delicious!

The other Ichiro returned with the first aid kit, “H-huh what are you doing? Where are your wounds?”

“Dr. Pepper dawg. Try it. It makes the pain go away," Ichiro said as he sat down onto Incel Ichiro’s bed.

“Ah!” sighed Ichiro 2, “that really hit the spot… I’m good as new!”. He followed and also sat down.

As he sat down, his cold, from the Dr. Pepper, hand brushed against Ichiro's hand. The contact caused them to both freeze in their tracks. Being completely frozen solid. The tension was so palpable like you could almost taste it. Just like how you can taste all 23 flavours of Dr. Pepper.

The first Ichiro moved one of his fingers and brushed it against one of the other Ichiro’s fingers. Incel Ichiro gasped, before looking at Ichiro. They interlocked fingers and moved closer to each other. They could almost feel the adrenaline surging in the other’s blood stream as they inched towards each other’s body.
Ichiro’s grip tightened as he launched onto Incel Ichiro, kissing him. The incel’s lips were cold and Ichiro’s warm. They tenderly sucked on each other's mouths, basking in the thermostatic equilibrium.

“Is this okay with you Incel Ichiro?” Ichiro asked.

“Yeah. But don’t call me that… call me Peechiro.”

“Aight. Bet.”

The pair went back at it. Their tongues wrestled with each other. Occasionally gasping for breath between periods of frenzied love. Ichiro removed Peechiro’s shirt and he returned the favour by removing Ichiro’s and his own pants revealing both of their cock, dick, nuts, and balls.

“Heh. You have a mole there too! Nice!”

And they went at it! Let me tell you! Taking turns between sucking, groping, and grinding on pretty much anything they could get in contact with. Peechiro was a master at nipple play, which caused Ichiro to whimper in pathetic delight. While, Ichiro’s head game was not something to scoff at either- he worked that hog for all its worth, just like a piggy bank. With Peechiro’s cock between his lips, Ichiro revelled in the discovery of something that tasted even better than hot dogs, Men. He gobbled on that shit with a toe-curling finesse. Though, like most rappers, he was a spitter.
They embraced between experiencing, delighting the touch of the other. They could feel every whine and moan of each other and they explored each other's bodies.

Eventually, getting to the point, Ichiro flung Peechiro onto his stomach and got behind him.

“Did you douche, bro?” Ichiro asked.

“I’m you. Of course I do” Peechiro replied.

“Hell yeah dawg!” Ichiro said, the pair high fiving before Ichiro began drilling the ever living shit out of Peachiro’s asshole.

And just when you thought it was over, they changed sides, both getting a turn at frolicking in the lily field, or at least that's what Ichiro’s grandmother used to call it.

The pair was reaching a climax. Sweat and fluids coating them.

“Faster”

“Faster”

“FASTER!”

 

Hi folks, do you know what will always be fast enough? Dr. Pepper. Drink Dr. Pepper Today to grow up big and strong just like your ol’ pal Ichiro here. Thanks for listening.

Oh man did I interrupt something? My bad…

 

The pair was finished. They had experienced love and Peechiro was no longer an Incel. The world had changed.

They showered and got dressed again, then prepared to head out.

“Thanks for the wonderful evening,” Ichiro said.

“Yes. Thank you too,” Peechiro replied, but please understand this will be the last time we will see each other. I have to make amends alone. For myself. I hope you can understand.”

“Word,” Ichiro replied - a man, famously of few words. Or was he?

“Farewell Ichiro.”

“Goodbye. Goodluck.”

Chapter 10: Epilogue

A month later, after reeling and dealing with the consequences of The Incel’s attacks Ichiro finally wanted some me-time before he was due to escort his old friend Buddy to his first therapy session at the other side of campus. What else would help him unwind other than the 18th volume of that time I got reincarnated as a slime!
The newly confident and spunky rapper opened his dorm door, having forgotten all about his socially awkward head angle.
He strutted down the hallway with the exaggerated swagger of a white teen, in an oh so familiar jolly demeanour. greeting Dwayne and The Voros family on his way.
He walked down the hallway and eventually reached the first junction, turning the corner with such a bombastic conviction.
BOOM! He had collided with another student at the school. Her books fly in all manners of directions.

“Oh dawg. I’m sorry. Let me help you there,” Ichiro said, helping the girl to pick up a pile of what seemed to be Manga.

They both laughed at the funny situation. “Hey! The name’s Ichiro by the way. I haven’t seen you around here before, what’s your name? I’d love to go grab lunch with ya!”

…

“CJ. It’s CJ.”

 

The end.