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Lewis is sitting down between two motorhomes, tired, not in the mood to talk to anyone about anything. Sure he might have partied a little bit hard the night before but it was all in Lewis fashion, nothing he can’t handle, but something in the air made him feel weird. He physically couldn’t move himself out of that spot so he just decided to close his eyes for a minute.
It didn’t occur to him that the second he opens his eyes a figure would throw himself at him, hugging him.
“Lewis!” The voice called, and all he could do was freeze. He found himself with a handful of a lean and blonde person, with a voice he knew a little too well.
He pushes him slightly, still having no idea what to make of the moment. Was he dreaming? He remembers closing his eyes but could he have lucid dreams? He knew he never really got over him but still. Hallucinating this moment would be a much harder thing to accept, he still had to race and be a champion again.
But there he was, in front of him, with his blond long hair, pale skin and as lean as he remembers him from their teenage years.
Nico Rosberg.
Or a much younger version of him anyways.
Lewis doesn’t realize that he’d been talking, addressing him until he feels cold hands on his face, redirecting his attention towards him. He hears something familiar to “you’re not listening” and decides that he actually wants to know what’s going on. Please let it be a dream, I can't afford to lose my mind now. He silently prays.
“Wha-”
“I’m so glad I found you. Everything is different, I barely managed to run past all the people in here and I couldn't figure out where you were.”
“Were you scared?” Is what Lewis finds himself asking. Good job, Lewis, that’s exactly what you need to know at this moment . He almost facepalms himself but Nico is still very much there, his weight putting an end to any move Lewis could try to make with both hands.
“Of course. You weren’t there and I didn’t know what to do.” And Lewis decides not to dwell on the fact that he wasn’t there for far too long but this Nico doesn’t seem to know.
“I don’t really get what’s going on.” He simply says, maybe dream Nico would have some mercy on him and actually just tell him he’s having a very lucid dream as per his Rosberg obsession. I told you you need to seek a therapist , Sebastian’s voice resonates in the back of his mind.
“I don’t know what happened but, I’m here!” He sheepishly says as he takes himself off of Lewis, opting on sitting down next to him.
Lewis still doesn't know what to do with his hands, so he stands up instead and takes a look around him. Everything looks so much real to him, there were no changes, the exact same sitting when he closed his eyes.
“You look so young. How old are you?” He’s asking a dream version of his ex how old he is, Lewis Hamilton you’ve clearly lost your marbles , he thinks to himself.
“Twenty. You look much older.” Little shit , of course he’d enjoy that, his eyes sparkle and he lifts both hands looking at Lewis expectantly.
Lewis doesn’t have much choice but to take them and pull him up towards him. They stand chest to chest and Nico giggles.
“You look so awkward.”
“I don’t know what to do with a 20 years old you.”
“I bet older me is so cool.”
Lewis has so many questions, he still can’t believe the man standing in front of him is someone he was used to for his whole life, in a way it feels weird to see a younger nico without a younger lewis by his side. Yup, it can’t be real , he decides.
“I’m real!” Nico softly says, this time squeezing Lewis’ hand as if to comfort him, as if he just read his mind. “You’re not dreaming, you’re not hallucinating and you’re not going crazy.”
“How do you know?”
“Because I know you.” Nico seems to be taking the whole thing lightly. Or maybe not. “I was running with my trainer when I somehow ended up here. It’s scary because it seemed like time had passed and people knew another version of me, so when I caught a glimpse of you I just…”
That makes sense, of course he’d run to the person he’s mostly comfortable with. Lewis.
“I heard someone say my name though,” he adds, waiting for Lewis to give any information that could help, but when he doesn’t he continues talking. “Where is he ?”
“Just left.” Because Sky Sport people all left already, it was just what’s left of the garages’ staff that were still lingering as the weekend was over. Because Nico was retired after one Championship.
“Oh.” There is a sign of disappointment, like Nico would love to see the oldest version of him, how he looks, what he achieved.
Would he be as happy when he hears what it cost him, them? Lewis doesn’t linger on the matter.
“I heard someone say last year was 2017 so I did the math. We’d both be 33 this year then, that’s so cool. I’m going to guess we both achieved great things!”
That gets a small laugh from Lewis.
“I missed you.” Nico says, kissing his cheek. And Lewis is reminded of their time together, how clingy they were with each other, how the second they were in a secluded area they couldn’t take their hands off the other. And he missed it, he missed him so much.
“Didn’t you just see me, I don't know, a few hours earlier?” He tries to divert his attention instead, but he doesn’t brush him off, the kiss still feeling fresh on his skin, Nico still standing too close.
“That was too long ago, I last saw you yesterday morning.” He whines then he suddenly looks at Lewis, eyes piercing his soul, eyebrows furrowed. “But why does it sound like you don’t miss me?”
“Not a chance. I miss you just as much, if not more.” Much more, like you have no idea.
All Lewis knows as of the moment is that he needs to not let Nico near the internet, he can’t disappoint him so soon, not when he finally has the chance to be with him even if just for a short time.
“Glad you found me.” Lewis expresses instead.
“Well, you’re here and we can go through anything together.”
The moment was shattered by someone else calling Lewis’ name, he knew the conversation wouldn’t take so long but anyone seeing young Rosberg without a plan was a no-no to him. So Lewis pushes him towards his motorhome, and Nico doesn’t even complain, just smiles at him, completely trusting him. If Lewis wanted him to throw himself into fire, he probably would without questions.
“Don’t open the door to anyone”, he worries, kissing his temple gently. it all felt too natural even though it’s been years.
Lewis shows up again a few minutes later, opening the motorhome’s door. Nico wraps his hands around his neck instantly, drawing him into a close embrace burying his face in the nape of his neck, acting as if the man disappeared for a long period, abandoning him to the wolves.
“You should’ve told me you’re a multiple time world champion.”
“How did you know?” Lewis still thought it was too early for Nico to know too much, he had yet to know that he himself had a championship in his pocket.
“Saw some flyers in your motorhome. I can't believe I have my own champion.” He sounded happy, like he always was for him. Lewis’s arms slowly enveloping his middle, softly hugging him back.
“You’re loving this.”
“I’m glad we’re still together after all this time.” He hugs him tighter. Lewis doesn’t have the heart to tell him and break the fantasy, he doesn’t want to upset him with reality nor does he want to lose him for the second time.
“Lewis, your girlfriend left a while ago.” A staff member lets him know from far away and Lewis curses his luck. He did not need this right now.
Upon hearing the word ‘girlfriend’, Nico freezes, slowly detaching himself away from Lewis, yet the hands embracing his waist assert a subtle pull, coaxing him into an even closer embrace.
“You have a girlfriend?” He sounds betrayed, like all his hopes and dreams are shattered. In a way, Lewis realizes that Nico must’ve thought not only they’re still racing together but also still dating. Then he is hit in the head with that foreign word. Sure Lewis doesn’t have a preference but since the earliest days, it’s always been the two of them together.
“PR relationship. People don’t know about us.” He lies instead, mentally noting that tonight might as well be the night he breaks up with her, he’s been wanting to do so for the past week anyways. A PR relationship seemed to be the most believable, and it’ll at least make Nico think before throwing himself at him in public.
God , Lewis was already thinking of a public appearance of them together, he was definitely getting ahead of himself.
“Oh.” Nico seems to think for a second before a gradual smile forms on his lips. “So, no girlfriend?”
“No one but you.” It gains him one more tight hug and a bunch of trailed wet kisses on his face. And frankly, he wouldn’t have it any other way.
Lewis realistically knows that all good things come to an end, but now that he had Nico with him he had to ensure he wouldn’t get himself in trouble, and doesn't stray away from him, at least until life has mercy on the young man and lets him go back to his own time. And for that to happen he needed to stay as far away from the truth as he could. Meaning, no direct contact with the outside world, no internet access, he was stuck with Lewis and Lewis only, and if the awestruck look in his eyes is any indication, he was most definitely fine with it.
He doesn't know when Nico would disappear, leaving him with a freshly reopened wound, so he vows to make the best of their time together.
Lewis drives them to the hotel he’d been staying at, makes sure to book the same room for a few more days until he has to leave for Monaco. He doesn’t have a race for the next week so he allows himself the time to just exist with Nico. It’s selfish, but it is what it is.
The drive was long but he'd been entertained when he wasn't interrogated about his earlier life decisions and the existence of the older Nico. This one seemed to enjoy the songs on the radio until they reached their destination.
Lewis almost starts panicking remembering he'd be in a secluded space with the young man, yet Nico seemed to be excited about it.
Nico is of course curious, wanting to know everything, wondering why the older him is not staying with them, but doesn’t pester Lewis even when he responds to all his questions with somewhat vague answers.
He proves to be as cuddly as Lewis remembers him, anytime he's at an arm's length, his hands have to be on him, hugging him, holding his hand, kissing his face. It only took a few hours for him to actually smooch him, smiling to himself as if he achieved something great.
When Nico drops the question about when he will get to meet his older self, it doesn’t surprise Lewis.
“What is it? Am I not a good company for you?” Lewis teases him two days into their little vacation, if it could be called one as they were both trapped in a hotel room with only the older leaving to train.
“I need a change of clothes and he is the best option.” Now Lewis did not think about that, he’d been throwing some of his clothes towards Nico to change but never picked up the glares going his way. Nico clearly didn’t have the same stance towards Lewis’ fashion.
“My clothes are just fine.”
“Not my style.”
When Lewis makes his way back after a gym session, he opens the hotel room’s door to a sight he doesn’t expect.
“You lied to me.” Nico has been crying and sounded so broken, like life was at its last string and he was ready to give up. Lewis’ phone was on his hand, he clearly was on the internet.
Leaving his phone behind with a curious Nico was Lewis' first mistake. His second was to lie altogether.
“I didn't want to break you.” Lewis honestly says. He doesn’t know which lie Nico refers to, and had been dreading this moment since they met. Sure, he knew there was no escape from the truth, but he didn’t expect it to happen too soon.
“What if I ended up staying here forever? Would you have just kept lying? Like I would never know about it?”
“Then I'll keep you by my side till the end of time.” If you let me . And yes, Lewis would lie and lie, again and again, if it meant to keep him, to at least have one version of Nico by his side.
“But if I leave, you end up losing me twice.” It’s a sensitive subject and Nico has never been one to give up, just like the current 33 years old one.
Lewis knows he’ll have to talk about what happened between them at some point.
“I saw it, most of it.” The young man wipes his eyes and crosses his legs, doesn’t move any closer to Lewis as he’s been doing every time, doesn’t sit on his lap, doesn’t kiss him. It was truly over. “You said we’re not even friends. You talked as if we’re complete strangers.”
“Lots of things happened.” We hurt each other, we hid things from each other, we ruined each other. “We became strangers.”
“I don’t want that.” He retaliates. “Not for us. We can’t just separate ways like this.” It was Nico trying, again.
Younger Nico who still has no depth of how exactly fucked up their relationship became, who didn’t hear the hurtful words exchanged between them, who didn’t witness the unpleasant turn their interactions took and how they both became the worst version of themselves to prove a point.
Maybe it wasn’t over yet.
“You’ve been distant with me at first, I thought it’s because I look much younger than what you’re used to. Turns out you just don’t like me.” He says when he’s met with silence, but Lewis was really just baffled by the opportunity at hands to have a better life with the person he loved the most that he forgot to function, to speak.
“No, no. That’s not true.” Lewis is the one getting closer this time, the one walking to him, holding him and he instantly feels the tears down Nico’s cheek. “It got complicated, yes. But that doesn’t mean I don't like you.”
"Felt like it." Great, now he was sulking. "So the girlfriend is real." Lewis would've laughed at the absurdity of the situation had he not been the one in the middle of it.
"Not anymore." He kisses his temple and Nico gently puts some distance between them, looking at him as if to catch him in a lie.
"Since when?"
"Since you appeared. Same night actually."
"But you were with me the whole time, you drove us to the hotel."
"Yeah well, I met her downstairs. It had to happen anyways and I wouldn't do that to you."
"Good."
"Am I forgiven then?"
"You need to work for it." Just like everything in life. It gets a chuckle out of Lewis .
"I'm so glad you didn't give up on me."
"We'll figure it out. I want to see him though." And Lewis swallows harshly, there it comes. "Nico, I mean." The younger one clarifies even though there is no one else for them to be confused about.
"We'll leave for Monaco tomorrow then."
***
Lewis doesn’t know what to expect when he is at his apartment building, suitcase in hand, a much younger lover standing behind him as he stands in front of Nico’s apartment’s door. Never had he expected a circumstance where he’d be the one seeking the man out, when he’d been actively trying to avoid him, even in public.
But Nico, both the younger and his age version of the man, was persistent. “Do it already.” He rushes him, and that’s how he finds himself ringing the bell and anxiously waiting.
It takes everything in Nico to not slam the door on Lewis' face when he sees him as he opens the door. He scoffs though, clearly showing his annoyance. He'd been the one knocking on the man's door and left there many times.
"I'm not alone." Lewis says in lieu of greeting as the younger Nico appears in sight, smiling big and looking far too excited about the situation.
"So this is where you live." He says, chirping and making his way past Nico whose eyes couldn't believe what they're looking at.
"Wha-"
"I can explain." Lewis offers as he steps in trying to hold the wild young man and stop him from making any other move. But Nico was already taking a tour into the house. "I'm so sorry, he should know not to just barge into people's houses." He grinds his teeth at how nonchalant young Nico is.
"Technically, it's mine," the other bites back.
Nico, the oldest, proved to be a great host, making them coffee, tea and biscuits, it was an attempt to escape the awkwardness that would hit them the second his eyes would meet Lewis.
The conversation goes surprisingly well, without Nico questioning their sanity, if anything he seemed more focused on not losing his cool, tiptoeing around what the younger version of him knew.
Few minutes of chatting were enough for the older German to already make peace with the fact that the two in front of him would stick around for as long as needed. He tried his best not to look at Lewis who, not only let Nico do all the talking, but was also looking at him awestruck, as if he’d never seen him before. In his defense, it’s been far too long and his memories while they were still intact felt like a dream.
“Maybe tone down on the food?” Lewis finally speaks, worried about the young man.
“Were you not fed?” Did he not feed you? is what Lewis hears instead, he turns to the man he clearly no longer knows and this time he addresses him.
“Promise I fed him, I don't know why he’s acting as if he’s been starved for a week. How can you eat so fast?”
“Fast metabolism.” Is what both say at the same time. It made sense, they were the same person.
Lewis holds up both hands in peace, clearly joking. “I’m just worried about you,” he says to no one specifically. He missed the easy atmosphere, being able to talk to Nico without a filter, having fun, throwing popcorn at each other and doing everything together.
It was hard to separate them then, yet look at them now.
“You’re staying with me.” Nico announces to his younger self mostly. He’s the one who knows him better, he has a clearer idea of the future and if anyone can take care of him and his idiocy, it’s Nico. Lewis shouldn’t even be an option. It made perfect sense, or so he thought.
“What? No!”
“You can’t seriously want to stay with him, after everything…” Ouch, that hurts but Lewis knows better than to get between Nico and his other self, it usually went bad during their days when he was lecturing himself on the mirror, now that he had a lifesize younger version of him, Lewis was sure he’d try to act like a parent.
“It's despite everything. And I like Lewis.”
“You like your Lewis.” Lewis would very much like to let them know that he’s right there, listening to them, looking at them, yet at the same time he’d love to be excluded from the conversation. It was impossible though, they all knew that.
“Same difference.”
“No, it’s not.” Nico, the elder, did not expect to be met with such defiance, he couldn’t believe that the younger and stupider him would choose Lewis even knowing the circumstances. But who can he blame but himself, he knows how much he used to love the man.
“Well this Lewis likes me back.”
“No he doesn’t.” It seemed like he was pouring water into sand and watching it dissipate.
“How do you know?” It sounds accusatory, especially coming from a 20 years old man completely in love, acting like he knows Lewis better than the one that’s been ignored by the man for the past years. And that infuriates Nico, shattering his composure and unleashing a torrent of pent-up emotions. He no longer holds back, allowing his true feelings to surface.
“Your problem, kid, is that you don’t know you’re bound to get hurt. So be my fucking guest, give your heart to him again and I’ll watch it break from the sideway.”
“He wouldn’t break my heart.” Younger Nico shouts back, tears glistening in his eyes, he looks at Lewis who seems to be in a turmoil of his own, is torn between appeasing him or calming his other self.
“It's been said and done already.” Nico says in a false calm tone, then retires himself to go to his room.
“Why is he so difficult?” Nico, eyes not leaving Lewis, asking him as if he’s got all answers related to the older version of him.
Lewis remains silent in response to his question, he instead draws him into his arms, soothing him.
It takes some time, a few minutes, maybe even an hour, for Nico to leave the safety of his bedroom. He doesn’t know what to expect but younger Nico lying his head on lewis’ lap as they watch tv was not on that list. He crosses his arms, creating a touch of defensiveness to his posture.
“Stop glaring, you already made the guest room’s bed, I saw it. We’ll stay there.”
“You know that Lewis lives upstairs, right?” He bites back, seeing the young german slightly turn so he can look at Lewis who just nods.
“Cool! I’ll see his apartment later.” That’s not what he meant, Lewis shouldn’t be staying in his house at all, he should stay as far away from him as he intended a long time ago.
Nico huffs but doesn’t start a fight, he disappears again for a few minutes, just to cool down before appearing with an ultimatum.
"Let me put up some rules really quick." Nico announces to the 'couple' on his couch." You ," he says looking at Lewis and acknowledging his presence for the first time, "you're staying in the guest room, while you ," he indicates his younger self this time. "You stay with me."
Both Lewis and the young man in his arms try to get a word in.
"It's non-negotiable." He asserts firmly, before leaving them both looking at his departing figure.
Lewis feels like he's been scolded by his principal, and to be honest, he finds it strangely captivating.
"Well, it's not like he can actually stop us from getting into one room." Nico exhales sharply, visibly showing his disapproval.
Lewis realizes he doesn't want to piss off the man any more than he's already done. Maybe this was their chance for redemption and they could finally reconcile after young Nico's appearance.
They don’t see him again until it’s night. Both Nicos cook in silence in the kitchen, leaving Lewis to his own devices. They finally join him when they have to leave the food on the stove for a few minutes.
Lewis knows the silence before the storm, he’s practically sitting in the middle of it, between two Nicos, one which is basking in his presence, clearly not minding being with an older version of his lover and another, seated as far away from him as he can and staring at him with a glare that could cut through steel.
He should’ve known better than to just invite himself to the man’s house and actually stay, but the heart wants what it wants. Well, his heart does not forget what you put him through, a voice in his head resonates.
He knows it’s only a matter of a few minutes until it all blows in his face, knowing damn well that neither of the Nicos in the room was cold headed and would back down from a fight.
The second the youngest in the room makes a move and sits next to Nico, Lewis starts praying to whichever force can actually help him handle the situation. Their little hushed conversation doesn’t reach Lewis’ ears at first until their voices start escalating.
It goes as well as expected.
“I think you should just give him a chance, Lewis likes me-” he whisper-shouts, not realizing he opened the Pandora box.
“Well if this Lewis liked you, or me for that matter, he wouldn’t have abandoned you. He wouldn’t have broken everything between us for one championship when he already had so many.”
“Everyone is competitive-”
“Do you know how it feels to realize the one person you bet your life on doesn’t give a shit about you? That it was hard for him to see you achieve your only dream? He didn’t even congratulate me…” His voice carries a hint of nostalgia, a wistful tone reminiscing the past, yet it's clear he doesn't yearn for the emotions associated with those memories.
Sure, the hype around the championship win was great, amazing even, but something important, someone important to the German winner was missing. And despite consistently being there for the man, the one time he truly needs him, Lewis chose to act as if he were nonexistent.
“I did, I-” He tries to speak, but what exactly could he say? Nothing would tone down Nico’s anger, he knew he was right, the man was always celebrating him and his achievement and yet…
“The lousy congratulation you told the media? Yeah, I heard it, it was PR and it was for show.” His voice was firm, leaving no room for excuses. “He didn’t even break up with me. He just singled me out and left me to fend for myself.” He continues, completely disregarding Lewis as he still stutters to get a word in.
“That,” it was clear that the gears in younger Nico’s mind were working hard to figure out an answer. “That only means you never broke up.” He finally decides to say and it’s nothing that either of the older men present expect.
Now, that’s a brighter way to look at things.
“I just don’t want you to end up like me.” He sighs, conceding defeat, as he ruffles the younger’s hair. Nico swallows the limp in his throat and smiles sadly at him. “I believe you're capable of making your own choices, you can be a winner and you’ve got all the qualities to be a champion. It was only hard because it was against Lewis.”
Lewis is saved by the sound of the timer beeper going off and indicating that their food is ready, Nico wastes no time getting up to deal with it, leaving the younger man looking at Lewis in confusion. “I don’t know what to do either, buddy.” He lets out.
Dinner is over quickly, with all of them devouring the meal in front of them and while Nico indulges his younger self whenever his attention is on him, he makes sure to not even glance at Lewis. The second younger Nico finishes eating, he gets up pulling Lewis with him towards the couch.
“Make an effort, try to get him to talk to you.” He whispers to the man.
Once again, he clings to Lewis, settling comfortably on his lap, while Nico huffs and puffs in disapproval before eventually departing from the scene, feeling like a third wheel in what’s technically his relationship too, if he even could call it that.
“He’s in a mood,” Lewis says out loud, mostly to get a reaction from the older Nico.
He needed to talk to him, he needed him to acknowledge him.
Lewis wasn’t used to people ignoring him, even less Nico. He was the one person who’d never ignore him, even after they went their separate ways, yet now, the man gave him his back, washing the dishes
You could’ve at least tried helping him , a voice says in the back of his mind, so he can bite off your head, sure , another voice retorks. Lewis did not need the divided opinions on the matter, it was already established that he was an asshole to Nico and that was it.
“He's jealous,” Nico says into the crook of his neck.
“Hmm?”
“Of me. because I get to have you and he’s far away.” And if the scattering of dishes in the sink is any indication, then Nico is pissed at the insinuation.
“Be nice!” is all Lewis finds himself uttering.
Later that night, he lets Lewis know that he wants to have a conversation with his older self, that he’ll slide into his bed later into the night and Lewis is fine with that, he too wouldn’t mind stepping into Nico’s room and talk to him softly into the dark night.
“Tell me about Lewis!” Young Nico says as he lifts the sheets and dips into them right next to the oldest him.
“He’s taking a shit in the bathroom?” He annoyingly answers.
The younger one rolls his eyes at him. “I mean your Lewis, the version of him that you know and I don't.” He was curious, he wanted to know and who else to ask if not this Nico.
“He’s great. He has a dog now, Roscoe.” He says, closing his book and looking at the wall in front of him. “Roscoe still recognizes me, he runs to me and sniffs my hands every time we meet when they’re either bringing him to Lewis or taking him back. He can show you pictures.”
The younger Nico makes a mental note to ask Nico to show him pictures of him with Lewis later, nevertheless the dog.
“Lewis is the guy you go to if you have a problem. He’s also a huge celebrity now, all the brand deals and fashion shows. Man’s big now.” He chuckles, leaning back into his pillow and looking up at the ceiling.
The younger man sharing his bed doesn’t comment, silently taking in every information his older self is willing to share with him.
“He’s really an amazing driver though, with all the championships. The greatest of all times. We became teammates, I was so excited, we’d be so good together in one team, right?” It gets him a nod, and the smile apparent on his face is sad enough to let the other know that the upcoming words wouldn’t be happy or nice memories. “We were, for a while. I was happy for him, there for every win and championship. Then I started to become a threat. The great Lewis Hamilton, with all his championships, was not ready to have his teammate, his best friend, his boyfriend, try his best to get a championship of his own. Bummer, right?” He laughs again, but it’s not funny.
“Did you talk about it?”
“Did he even acknowledge my existence, you mean. No. He wasn’t happy for me, and okay I understand from a champion’s point of view but, behind it all, we’re closer than anyone in the paddock and I deserve to be a champion too.”
It was heartbreaking to know your significant other wouldn’t be happy seeing you achieve your dreams, even though he already achieved his.
“He completely forgot that we’re anything but rivals during that year, and I gave back as hard as I got. It all went downhill since then.”
These were memories he wished he’d be able to completely forget about, keeping only the happy ones, where they were much younger and happier.
“Did you know he doesn’t even say my name? Refused to do so in interviews way back, even before our title fight. Like it’s the devil’s name.” And it hits both of them at the same time, he didn’t call either of them their name. Older Nico sees the look of horror in his younger self’s eyes, his own softening at the sight. “Don’t take it to heart, it’s not you. He just doesn’t care about me anymore.”
“I’ll talk to him.”
“Don’t bother. I tried many, many times before. He downright refused to talk to me, acting as if I don't exist or as if I'm the plague itself.”
“But it’s me.” The younger says in a broken voice. And Nico’s eyes quiver, they’re the same person, it shouldn’t make a difference, should it? “Did he really never break up with you?”
Nico nods. “He stopped answering my calls and messages, stopped talking to me, sometimes only addressing me in the cooldown room in front of cameras. At one point I had to march all the way to his garage to be able to talk to him, I wanted to understand, to have something to hold onto.” Nico remembers it all too well, he’s not sure he’ll ever forget this. “He sent me his engineer, who said we should be civil in front of the camera.”
He remembers it clearly, Bono standing in front of him, reluctant to speak. "I'm sorry man, but it's time to let it be. He doesn’t want to see you. Let's keep things civil when the cameras are rolling, okay?" Nico wanted the earth to swallow him then.
They didn't talk about it again the next day, and older Nico seemed to have a hard time distancing himself from the memories he had to dig in for his younger self’s satisfied curiosity.
Lewis still doesn’t utter the name ‘Nico’, calling him baby or just addressing him in second person, until Nico, younger one, makes him sit on the floor, and sits right in front of him.
“This is an intervention.” He announces.
And Lewis just looks at him and laughs. “Sure, baby.” But Nico doesn't even chuckle; instead, he gazes at him with a blend of sadness and disappointment, like he’s trying to not cry but wants to be as normal as possible. It doesn’t work. “Okay, what is it?”
“This,” Nico makes a gesture with his hand to the two of them and Lewis’ heart almost stops, did he fuck up? Was today an important day for the younger? Did he miss something? or maybe he’s seated too far away from Nico for his liking?
A dry chuckle is heard from the main bathroom, where older Nico is, it takes a second before his head appears from the door, looking at them, younger Nico has his back at him but he has a full view of a frustrated Lewis, assessing the situation. “Told you he’s a lost cause. He hadn’t said it in years.” His voice resonates and damn, Lewis didn’t even realize that.
“You never said my name, not once.” The hint of sadness in the younger’s voice makes Lewis want to crawl out of his skin.
He had been trying so hard to forget and erase the man's existence from his life that he had become adept at not even uttering his name, he didn’t think how it’ll look to either of them when they’re trying to fix something that’s been long broken.
“Nico.” He finds out the name still rolls out of his mouth smoothly, like he’s always been used to. It’s his favorite so he repeats it over and over and over again, until Nico blushes and throws himself at him hugging him and shushing him by the same occasion. But older Nico is now standing in front of the bathroom,leaning on its door, face hard to read.
“You shouldn’t think about this, it’s just some old meaningless issue lying around from back in the day."
His sentence cuts like a knife, and before Lewis even tries to apologize and explain himself, Nico takes it as his cue to leave. Clearly, he was the problem, it was never the younger version of him, the more loving and more naive, it was the one who dared be a threat, the one who couldn’t accept being a second driver and fought tooth and nail to get the Championship. So Nico, in a way, accepts defeat as he puts on his shoes swiftly and leaves the house.
The one in Lewis’ arms glares at him.
“You know I didn’t mean it like that.”
“You know we’re the same person.” Nico says, when they’re both sitting more comfortably at the older’s house, it finally hits him that Nico didn’t once try to throw them out.
“Hmm,” Lewis knows, but he doesn’t have an answer.
“You were too hard on him, and now you’re just here.” He gestures with his hands, because he really wants them to get along, he needs to know that he can change this, that they will be fine, it’s his relationship too.
“It’s different with him.” He wants to talk, to try and solve it, but Nico refuses to even acknowledge him now and it hurts. Nico must be hurting too.
“I know. You broke up with him and you fell out with him, not me. I can't even imagine going through that. So cut him some slacks, yeah?”
Lewis smiles and nods. “I'll do my best.”
“If I love you, then he’s definitely still in love with you.”
“I don't really think so.”
“Well, have you ever stopped?” the question earns him a lifted eyebrow, “loving him, I mean.”
Lewis sighs. No was the clear answer, the gremlin in his arms knew that too, but saying it out loud too soon was kind of hard. He knew how to love the younger version of Nico, but the one his age was now a mystery, especially with how he reacts to Lewis opening his mouth.
“Has it occurred to you that he reacts that way because you always sound like an asshole when you talk about him or address him?”
He’s not wrong. Lewis remembers his own words to the media and winces.
“You little-”
“No, really!” he adds. “He’s never said a bad thing about you, never stopped reaching out and all you did was refer to him as if he was never important, that hurts.”
“I’m sorry baby, I didn't see it this way.”
“I think you should talk to him. Without me.”
Lewis doesn’t even know if he can succeed in being in the same room with his Nico without the younger one shielding him but he promises to try. He knows he fucked up, he just needs some miracle to fix it and miracles didn’t simply happen to him.
“You have to create them.” The words coming from Nico's mouth mirror his recollection, echoing precisely as they did when he was 20. Miracles don't just happen, and if Lewis wants to realize his dream, he must bring them into existence.
***
Younger Nico is trying to know his future self more. "So tell me, what do you do now?"
"Besides starting shit unprovoked? He's a commentator." Lewis answers instead of him but the older Nico doesn't even look at him, still focused on not disappointing the younger him. Will he think it's lame? That he's a failure now? Will that be the end of his cool era? Was it all worth it?
"That's so cool!" Younger Nico ends up exclaiming, his eyes open wide and he looks eager to learn more about it. "You still get to stay in the sport."
"Yeah." He says with a little smile, trying not to look like he's affected by the happy virus in the air as everyone in the room seemed to at least look happy. "Can't really stay far away from it.”
“So you’re still in direct contact with everyone.” He says in awe.
“He’s a legend, predicting things left and right. His interviews are great, always trending.” He knows he’s showering him with praise and he, against himself, watched all the interviews the man conducted under the false pretense of being ready in case there is any type of pr crisis.
"You ran away when I said hi." He reminds Lewis, there is not a single bone in him that would want them to fight at that moment but he's already resigned that it is what it is.
Younger Nico on the other hand, might be having a different idea, and 33 years old Nico misses that fire in him.
He glares at Lewis who shrinks, having no one on his side, sitting on the couch in nico's apartment, no argument will be won especially since there is a literal footage of him running past him like he's got the flu. "I can explain."
Nico, the younger, doesn't care. He turns to look at his older self and says without a hint of amusement. "Should've just wacked him in the head and knocked some sense into him."
"I was actually thinking about it."
"Should've done it."
Lewis now had two identical figures of the same person in different ages, looking at him with crossed arms and judging him. And that's fine, he could get used to it.
“You have a race next week.” Nico breaks the silence. He’s finally talking to Lewis, who had to do a double take to make sure he was being addressed, but it only made sense as he’s clearly the only one still able to drive in the room. “What do we do about him?” He signals his younger self who looks at them with big eyes and pouty lips, clearly about to beg to join Lewis.
“I’ll get him a pass. But a kid shouldn’t stay alone in the paddock.”
"Hey! I am not a kid."
They both ignore him.
"I'll be in the paddock, I'll get him off your hands." Lewis takes it as a somewhat olive branch, at this point he’ll take anything and it was almost an attempt at making peace, which was more than okay in Lewis’ books.
Few days later, the three of them are on the road in Nico’s car so they wouldn’t need to worry much about taking a plane with the younger man. Lewis takes an uber from their hotel to the circuit a few hours later, leaving the two to take a rest until Nico drives them both there.
On the paddock when Nico is asked about Nico, the younger, all he says is he's family.
"He looks a lot like a younger version of you." One of the drivers says.
"Strong genes, I guess." Is all he answers while younger him is basked in praises about how pretty he looks, having not only drivers but also staff members fussing over him and complimenting him. It feeds into his ego.
"He's definitely you. I remember this face." Damn Vettel and his ability to not only remark every single detail but also to be a little shit to them.
Vettel turns to 20 y.o Nico and goes. "You're Britney now, since this one is retired."
Nico curses his whole family tree and every moment in his life that led to Vettel appearing as if they're friends, bringing him right to this moment where he gets embarrassed in front of his own self. No really, he deserves better.
"What does he mean?" and he genuinely looks not only clueless but also eager to know. It takes a fraction of second and Vettel pulls him close, his arm around the young man's shoulder.
"They never told you?"
He shakes his head.
"And you haven't seen it on the internet? "
Another shake of head.
"But the whole world knows. It's important to know that about him, your family should've told you. "
"They don't want me to be influenced by him."
"I agree, he's a bad influence." Vettel earns the pen thrown to his face.
When he starts walking away, arm still around the young man's shoulders, now explaining his previous mentions. Nico panics and calls for the younger, hurrying after them.
"Nico!"
"They named a family member after you?" And shit, maybe they should've made it clear that it would be weird, or just suspicious and got him a provisional other name.
"It's nicolas, but Nico for short." Younger him with complete functional brain cells come to the rescue. Bless him and his brain, really.
Lewis looks like he’s done, leaving his garage, looking around to identify the two almost identical figures he loved the most. It takes a minute but he tackles younger, and mostly prone to physical contact, Nico, in a hug.
“Nico!” Now that he can finally say that name, he’ll never stop uttering it.
Nico, the eldest, looks at him with an unreadable expression, and Lewis is reminded that not only he said the forbidden name in public in front of every eye on the paddock, but he quite literally said it in front of Nico. It definitely looked bad with how everyone froze around them.
"I can't stand you." older Nico just turns on his heels and leaves, not looking behind him.
"He's not going to leave you alone, is he?" Seb is baffled at the sight.
"Don't worry. He wouldn't leave me." Plus Lewis is right there , he mentally adds.
Seb sighs, clearly not understanding the dynamic but he had a kid under his arm who doesn't seem to know a lot about things in there. "Well, do you want to see the Ferrari garage?"
And Nico's eyes sparkle, Ferrari. You never say no to Ferrari, no matter how shitty the car could be.
"What? No!" Lewis says in indignation. He missed the young man, he was done now and it was unfair to have him follow a stranger. What would he even do in a Ferrari garage? It’s all red.
Nico stares at him for a second before he huffs and hugs Vettel, mostly just to annoy lewis. "You're not the boss of me. Let's go."
“I like this kid,” Vettel comments, smiling at Lewis before giving him his back and walking the opposite way.
Lewis is left standing there as both young and present-Nico walk away from him.
"There is another kid your age, Charles. You'll love him. I guess Verstappen too, but his dad is with him so let's not bother that one." Seb seemed like a truly entertaining person, he didn’t even try to baby Nico, and was really easy going. Nico decided he liked him.
Maybe they’ll be friends in the future, or in his own time.
They end up not seeing Charles, but Seb doesn’t seem bothered by all the questions Nico has about the paddock here and who’s in it. The conversation goes from Seb’s legendary winning streak (“ so you’re a legend! ” “ me? no i just love driving .”), to Nico breaking Lewis’ championship one.
"Do you think i can win as many?" Nico asks, forgetting that not only is he 20 but also that he's not taking part in any formula category during this time.
Vettel doesn't seem to be bothered by that, he answers nevertheless. "As long as you don't retire after the first one like Nico. You should never stop trying."
"I don't get why he did that."
"I'm glad he retired. Deep down, we all know he was slowly killing himself that year." Now, that's something he didn't know.
Later that night, when older Nico steps out of the shower, a younger him is already sitting on the bed, waiting for him.
He knows himself too well to believe the younger one doesn't have an ulterior motive. He must want to know something, and Nico would never lie to himself, not to a younger version of himself anyway.
“What happened that year you won?” He is straight to the point, doesn’t bother sugarcoating it. They talked about lots of things, but retirement has never been their main subject. The younger realize that he should’ve cared more about him and not just focus on fixing things with Lewis.
“What did Vettel tell you?”
“That he was worried?”
“He was the only one reaching out, asking about me, offering to meet up. He’s a good one, even though he’s battling his own demons.” Even Toto, who prided himself on being the best team principal and the one who cared the most about his drivers, didn’t care enough. To him, it even felt like he would rather the championship go to someone else, from his other side of the garage. To Lewis.
“Tell me.”
“I don’t know. It’s a blur, really.” In a second, Nico ponders lying or just sugarcoating what happened, that it may not have been as serious as it looked. He decides against it. “I tried so hard to focus on only driving, being as light as ever, not being a bother to the team, trying not to stress Toto even though it was bound to happen.”
He takes a long breath before focusing back on the younger in his bed.
“I already lost so much, I started losing myself, stopped having friends, talking to people… I didn’t even call back home, dad had to forcefully threaten to barge into Toto’s office to meet me. I decided that no matter what, I had to get that championship and the second it got into my hand I decided enough was enough. Vettel’s the one who saw through me, let’s have you see a therapist , he said and I thought if I followed him along he’d let me be. He didn’t and I discovered many issues going on, been working on them since then.”
“I didn’t think Red Bull would send Seb into therapy.”
“Red Bull?” Nico looks at him, smiling at the attempt to ease the conversation. “It was Ferrari of course.”
They had to go back to the circuit the next day, Nico was binded by a contract with Sky Sport and young Nico was, in a way, their own little guest. It was Race Day so he’d rather watch it from one of the garages, given that everyone was enamored with his presence.
“I want to sit in the Mercedes!” The younger one announces loud enough inside the Mercedes garage.
Nico wants to facepalm and Lewis knows for a fact that if baby Nico manages to get what he wants, which he surely will, then big Nico would be reminded of the past and will probably be pissed for the next few days.
Man hasn’t been allowed in Lewis’ garage since they fell off.
Little Nico sits in the Mercedes, talks the engineers’ ears off and big Nico just stands in front of the garage, frozen like a vampire who needs permission to be let inside.
It’s Lewis who approaches him first, his hand out, inviting. “Come on!” He says and maybe it’s not as serious to him but to Nico this is a whole different thing, he sees how everyone around looks at him as if he’d grown another head yet he pays them no mind.
I’d love to. He thinks, but he physically can’t make himself stand there.
The paddock, the house, everywhere else was fine. Lewis’ garage was something else, a symbol of everything that fell off and Nico hasn’t gotten over that. With time maybe , his therapist’s voice resonates in his head.
“No!” And he walks away. He’s glad his younger self is having fun but that’s his issue to deal with and he’ll make sure to deal with it himself.
Younger Nico runs after him, he didn’t even realize that he got up from the car, too fast on his steps.
“Why did you leave?” Standing before him, a look of betrayal on his face, as if he had just abandoned him.
Nico doesn’t expect him to fully understand, not without an explanation at least. He gently pulls a strand of hair away from the younger’s face, tucking it behind his ear. “I can’t do that now.”
That’s when Toto interferes. “It’s your team too.”
“I think Valteri’s side seems lovely, I’m already familiar with it.” Nico doesn’t feel like fighting him today, it was important to focus on the race and Mercedes had a big chance in winning today. Nico knows better than to ruin the man’s mood over something he never really cared about.
“Nico-”
“Don’t let me stress you about meaningless issues.” He leaves them both. The younger german clearly knew the circuit better now, he wouldn’t get lost, everyone would be able to help him even if he were and Nico needed space at the moment.
Shit , the young Nico thinks, he didn’t forget ! He is left with Toto only to look up to him, making a mental note to talk to Lewis later. He needed to solve this, or help doing so at least.
“Come on, kid. We have a race to watch.” He says, looking at the back of his ex-champion, then at the one on his right. “You look awfully alike, it’s scary.”
“It’s the genes.”
Lewis wins, exactly as expected, and Mercedes is set to party as per usual tradition. They invite Nico of course, who declines. “I think I'd rather sleep early tonight.”
“Nico, you know you’re always welcome.”
“Thank you Toto.” He can never not be polite to the man, after all they shared a title together. He turns to the younger him who sighs out loud, probably expecting to have to stick with him. He smiles. “Don’t drink too much and don’t appear in newspapers. We can’t cover it up!” He says.
“I’m going?” The younger asks, voice full of excitement.
“Of course, you go and enjoy the party. I remember them being wild, just take it easy.”
“I’m a responsible adult.” He says before launching himself into Lewis’ arm.
“Bring him back in one piece.” Nico instructs. It was the first time since he met the younger that he’d be away from him for more than a few minutes, but he had to let him have fun and he can’t really deprive him of Lewis.
“Are you sure you don’t-”
“No, thank you.”
Lewis sighs this time, turning his attention to the excited young man. “Com’on! You and I get to have fun at least.”
The party is fun, full of sparkling lights, and lively music that sets the perfect mood, but Lewis is already used to that. He sees the excitement in Nico’s eyes as he enjoys it all, drinking, dancing, jumping around. One would think he’s the winner, Lewis tells him just that when he sits down finally.
“Same thing.” Nico shouts to make himself heard above the loud music. “You winning, me winning, it’s all the same.”
And Lewis is reminded of how much Nico celebrated his achievements. It felt like he had been thrown back to years ago, when he won and his best friend stood right next to him. He regretted not reciprocating the same energy for his friend.
They were racing in Monaco this week, therefore, there was no need for them to move to another country and accommodate younger Nico’s presence.
The laws against paparazzi in Monaco were harsh enough for them to not get caught by the media. No one would know they live together anyways, it was common knowledge that they both live in the same building, yet word had reached the one and only Sebastian Vettel apparently as he graced Lewis with his presence inside his own motorhome.
“So you’re back to living with your ex!” Seb says, as a matter of fact. He doesn’t say hi, nor asks about how Lewis’ day was, he goes straight to the point and while Lewis loves his friend, there are moments like this one where he simply wishes the man would have mercy on him and not speak.
“Sebastian!” He exasperatedly throws his head back. “Are we really going to have this conversation?”
“I’m just saying. You’re living together again, your love child is everywhere around you, you do almost everything together now.” The older is tempted to ask him how he knows, yet decides against it.
“Just say what you want to say.”
“Did you talk? Scratch that! Did you apologize?” He sees Lewis opening his mouth and cuts him before a word comes out of it. “and I mean both of you.”
“No one apologized.”
“It’s a recipe for disaster.” Seb wants to shout at them, how come he is the younger of the three yet the only one with a fully functioning brain cell? “You’ll go back to partying like crazy and acting like nothing ever happened, but Nico… Nico would lose himself, for real this time.”
Lewis almost feels offended. Why did Seb sound like he knew Nico better than him?
“Because I do.” He huffs. “When you all decided Nico Rosberg no longer existed and none of you bothered checking on him, I did. And guess what? It wasn’t a pretty sight. Trying to help someone who barely believed they could be helped is awful, and that’s in the middle of your own struggling.”
“No one told you to help him.”
“Now you’re just being an asshole. Who would’ve, then? Because no one but me and Jense even called him. You had everyone around you Lewis, he didn’t have anyone.”
“You might believe that I don't want to solve it but I do. I am trying my best, he’s refusing to meet me in the middle. We live together but he barely even looks at me, he only talks to the younger- he only talks to Nicolas.” Referring to the younger as Nicolas almost killed Lewis, but he needed to let out his own perspective of things. “He’s the only reason we’re in each other’s presence.”
“You want to tell me you’re sticking around one another for the sake of the kid?” Seb laughs.
“Divorced parents, really. You guys sound like you’re the main characters of some silly movie I’d never pay to watch.”
“None of this is funny, Seb.” He sighs. “Do you know how many things we have to go over? A lot.”
“Like your awful interviews?”
Lewis cringes at the reminder. “That’s one thing, I guess.”
“Maybe the kid can help.”
“Yeah, no. He tried, only backfired. Nico got pissed at him, then at me because I exist around him and stopped even addressing me when it’s time to eat. He’d hand the plate to the kid and let him deal with me , his own words.”
“Not like a mediator, but a witness?” Lewis doesn’t quite follow, but does his best to listen well. “I don’t know, man. Bring back good memories, only the good ones. Take them to the places you guys liked, the food you enjoyed together, movies you both didn’t enjoy but stayed a good memory. Maybe then you can slowly approach the bad, like how it all went wrong? As long as it’s not overbearing and you explain yourself, I think Nico would follow no matter how reluctant he is.”
“Never took you for a romantic, although I know you flirt with every human.”
“I have an immaculate taste, thank you very much.”
“Absolutely! Mark Webber, Jenson Button, next year you’ll have Charles Lec-” He earns the notebook thrown to his face and for the first time that day, Lewis genuinely laughs. “Do you think it’ll work?”
“Trust me on this. There is nothing in the world that Nico wouldn’t do for you.”
“Maybe younger Nico.” Lewis let slip, but Seb probably believes he’s talking about the past.
“Nope, this one.” Someone is screaming "Vettel" at the top of their lungs, desperately trying to locate the man. “And that’s my cue to leave. See you, man.”
“Thanks Seb.”
“Don’t mention it.” Seb leaves the older man’s motorhome, hurrying on his step to follow whoever it is that was previously calling for him.
“And Seb!” Lewis calls after him. “Never call the kid our love child, ever again.”
All he hears is Seb's laughter echoing around before being startled by Nico's approaching face, clearly on his way to the motorhome, probably about to knock.
“Nico!” Since the day Lewis made peace with pronouncing the name again, he made it his mission to talk to him directly, always uttering the name. Younger Nico had been so happy, yet the present one always looked at him with a blank face, making Lewis wonder if he didn’t make a mistake. It must’ve been weird for the man to finally hear his name from his mouth after all that time.
“You look happy.” Nico remarks, though Lewis senses the question in his voice.
“I’m happy to see you.” And he was. They wasted so much time being apart that now Lewis wants to enjoy every moment, even if they’re not really back together.
Nico clears his throat. “We’re leaving. He wants to drive.”
Lewis runs to take his sunglasses and follows him back, walking to the car. “And you’re letting him?”
“I trust him.” He shrugs. He’s always been a good driver, be it 20 years old or 34 years old.
“I trust you. Both of you.” Lewis responds, he pretends he doesn’t hear the German scoffing. Nope, we will not get into an argument with baby Nico behind the wheel .
Lewis listens to Seb. He tries to bring back the good times by doing things they used to enjoy, like going to their favorite restaurant or visiting special places. It lasts one day and only makes Nico pull away, so he decides to ease up on those efforts. He wanted the man closer to him, not farther from him.
The same joyful memories he's been attempting to share, the ones that younger Nico was eager to learn about, have unexpectedly caused nothing but pain for the older German. These memories were the proof of their fallout, of the happy life they no longer had. So Nico takes it upon himself to have the conversation with his younger self, explaining how he’d rather not go into that territory with Lewis so soon.
“But he’s trying.” The younger one tries to make sense, to find a middle ground for all of them.
“It’s just too hard, okay? And my therapist knows better than all of us. This is me skipping steps, and if I do that, I'll fall headfirst, right on my face. You wouldn’t want that for me, would you?”
The younger one shakes his head. “Fine, I'll tell him to tone it down, maybe just go with the flow? Be as natural as possible and not force the interaction between you two.” And wow, was he always so mature? Nico feels like patting himself in the back.
It gets worse before it gets better.
They don’t exactly talk during the race day, each one keeping to himself and only entertaining the younger Nico. The old German made sure to not parade around the paddock much, as he was free of his journalist duties that weekend and only got a paddock pass. They somehow end up fighting back home after bringing up a misplaced comment about them.
‘You built the wall between us,” Nico shouts with an accusatory finger pointing to Lewis, getting even closer to him and pushing him. “You did.”
“And I'm apologizing for it.”
“No! You’re hit with a reminder of how we were, of how it was when I was fine with being second to you, when I couldn’t compete against you. And you look around you and figure out there is a younger version of the fantasy we lived then and now that I'm retired you can have that again.”
“That’s not how I see it. Nico, please-”
“No, no, no. You can’t just keep getting away with everything. When you’ll be bored, when things won’t work your way I’ll be thrown away again and I refuse to be your plaything.”
“You were never my plaything.”
“Then explain toying with me and my feelings when all I wanted was to know what’s going on with you.”
“A mistake!” Lewis shouts now. “It was a mistake.” He says more calmly, controlling himself. “I needed to get over myself, but I hurt you in the meantime and I apologize for it.”
“Took you long enough.”
“No matter what I say, it’ll sound like I'm not invested, like I stopped wanting you. I never did. I’m sorry about everything. The interviews, closing the door on your face, sending Bono to you when you wanted to talk. I’m sorry for how I reacted. I’m sorry Nico.”
Nico sighs, his head against the couch, looking mindlessly at the ceiling. “I had to protect myself too. You were playing with me, it was only fair I gave back as good as i got. I hated every second of it. I hated not seeing you, I hated not laughing with you and sharing everything, I hated how something that was supposed to make me happy and have you cheering for me broke us.”
Lewis feels like an asshole. Because sure, Nico hit back much harder every time, but he started it, and in his place Lewis would’ve done worse.
“I always believed we’d be forever. To you, it may have looked like an experience, an easy friendship, then a convenience relationship,” No. Nico’s got it all wrong, Lewis wants to refute, to correct him. But the man had to pour his heart out.
He moves his head to look at Lewis this time, he looks much older, too tired and not as alive as he remembered him.
“But to me, you were everything.”
Lewis doesn’t know how to feel after that one conversation, but everything gradually gets better. Nico indulges in small talks with Lewis, doesn’t run away from the room 5 minutes after spotting Lewis, no longer fights his younger self over his lovelife choices. He even goes as far as letting Lewis step into his bedroom, although Lewis doesn’t sit down, just talks to him standing in front of the bed before he goes to sleep.
He is still not his old carefree self with him, there is young Nico for that anyways, but it’s an important step and both the younger German and Lewis count it as a win.
“Can’t believe I'm playing chaperon for myself.” The younger mutter under his breath as he looks at them, one sitting on the couch and the other standing outside the room on his phone.
“Do you think you’re fit enough to sit on his lap?” Young Nico is provoking his older self, which technically present nico should know but it riles him up anyways.
“Of course.” He doesn’t even stop to think about it, which he probably should've, seeing that Lewis is pretty much there, eyes going from one Nico to another.
“I don't believe that.”
“Well, move then, I'll prove it to you.”
Lewis’ breath is stuck on his throat. Did he hear him right? Was Nico willing to be more than just his presence and handle his existence?
“But I don’t want to move,” the younger whines dramatically. “You’re just going to have to wait for your turn,” he smuggly says before Lewis opens his mouth.
“Well, I can handle both of you.”
“You’re not that fit.” both Nicos say at the same time.
“I can prove it.” He says, slowly manhandling the Nico in his arms, pushing him slowly as he sits on his left thigh before opening his other arm, an invitation for the older Nico who clearly hesitates now.
“Hurry up!” his younger self urges him.
And it’s with slow yet soft steps that present-Nico makes his way into the British man’s lap. an arm sliding over his waist.
“I told you I can.” Lewis simply says, he doesn’t want to ruin the moment, he hasn’t touched his Nico in so long and tries so hard to not let the fact that his eyes are prickling him right now stand in the way.
Young Nico sees them both closing their eyes, heads bumping into each other lovingly and smiles. “You’re acting like cats.” It gets him a little slap in the arm by his older self.
“You can’t handle me now, I gained more weight.” Nico lets out after a few seconds, trying to move. He's afraid that this meant nothing to Lewis once more, while it would develop into little blooming branches budding with delicate flowers of hope inside of him.
“So what? I’ll just train harder.'' It's sweet, and almost promising that there is hope for them, that this won't be the last time they’d be in each others’ arms and it puts Nico’s heart at ease, at least for now.
Young Nico hugs Lewis. “You’re my favorite person in the whole world.”
“That should be me.” Old Nico retorts in a playful way.
“You’re my favorite!” Lewis lets out, looking at him and smiling easily.
“This is an attack against my person.” Younger Nico declares, still in his dramatic antics. He gets up, leaving room for the older German to properly sit in Lewis’ lap.
“You and I are the same person.” Nico simply comments, getting cozy in his favorite place.
He sees the appeal and remembers exactly why younger him is so clingy with Lewis. This Lewis isn’t as cranky as Nico remembers him when they were much younger, his body being very defined and he can feel the muscles under him.
They talk again, gradually having the conversation they both dreaded. It was a necessary evil, and to move on from that, they both had to communicate their feelings, to apologize and understand the other.
Sebastian was taking the kids out, young Nico was invited as he was the same age as Charles and Max. Lewis believed it’d do him good to be around people close in age, like Esteban and Pierre too.
So they were left at home, watching TV. Something about Motogp and someone commented on Marquez being too obsessed with Rossi and having to let go. Nico chuckles, the speech too familiar to him. Lewis only looked at him in silence.
"I was holding onto you like crazy.” He starts, and Lewis braces himself. “I refused to believe that you'd drop me like that. I was too into my little bubble that I genuinely believed that even if we treated each other like shit during the races, that we'll still be each other's favorite person outside of it. That nothing would change once we leave the circuit."
Lewis could do nothing but listen, the man was pouring his heart out and he owed it to him.
"I felt abandoned, all alone. And everyone was hating me for standing against the Lewis Hamilton, the media gave me so much shit and you were feeding into it. But it was fine, right? As long as I act my part too, let's not care about anything other than the race because Lewis would never hate me."
"I never did.”
"That's hard to believe." And Nico really had no means to believe him, not when he was met with silence and defiance everytime he had tried to approach the man and solve whatever it was that went wrong between them then.
"I didn't realize you were having such an intern turmoil."
"You didn't realize anything that didn't benefit you." And it hurts, because deep down Lewis knows he only kept shoving the issues he had down, trying to forget about them, acting as if they didn't exist. "Seb said I was fighting my demons, but it felt like fighting myself, and everyone around at the same time. The only way out was to win and get the fucking championship. It was my only salvation. I don't know what I would've done if after everything I didn't get it." In a way, Lewis doesn’t want to imagine it either.
"No one told me-"
"You didn't care enough to look around, no one had to tell you anything. It wasn’t just me, my whole side of the garage felt like we were outsiders to our own team, all the damn time."
"It looked like you were doing fine, better without me." It doesn't justify anything, but that was what Lewis felt then. “It felt horrible.”
"You made your bed, you had to lie in it." Nico had to smile and laugh and act like everything was fine all the time, he had to be nonchalant about everything that happened around him and act like it didn't affect him. It affected him so hard that he had to retire.
"And you know Lewis, everything I let go of, has claw marks on it."
Lewis knows what he means. Nico’s been the one fighting for them, the one holding hopes and believing that no matter what, they’ll get their happy ending. Even after retiring, Nico always mentioned Lewis, always praised him, but the man realized everything has an end, he had to let go, hence him looking as miserable as he felt when he first opened the door to Lewis and young Nico.
***
“He’s right, you know.” Lewis says as he scoots closer to Nico sharing his blanket on the couch, the younger being long asleep.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Nico answers, tugging his feet under the blanket he now has to share.
“We didn’t break up, so technically we’re still together.”
Nico glares at him and doesn’t grace him with an answer. What could he even say after that? He just finished crying all the tears in his body and making peace with the past, he can’t be hit with this right now.
“I’m serious.”
“Does Nicole and Nicky ring a bell? And your other endless girlfriends?” The german snorts in disbelief. Lewis cannot be serious, he’s simply messing with him. He’d seen the man kissing and going out with multiple people so he can’t exactly pull the ‘dating’ card right now. Nico didn’t think it would make sense.
“I prefer Nico!”
“Sure you do.”
“What, do I need to prove myself now?” Lewis’ hand slides along his waist, pinning him between his arm and the couch.
Nico tries to scooch back, attempting to escape until he finds himself lying on the couch, his back against it, with Lewis positioned above him.
"Lewis!" Nico's hisses, "what are you doing?"
"You still like me"
"Fuck off!"
"Your heart is beating"
"You'd rather it stops?"
"You miss me."
"Do not."
"I'm sure you do.
"Do not."
"Well, I miss you." He envelopes the man under him in a tight hug that leaves the man speechless.
"Hmm." Nico simply wraps his arms back over the British man.
They stay still for a moment, before the weight starts hurting Nico. Lewis rises but doesn't release his grip, pulling him into a sitting position together.
"What are you trying to do, lewis?"
"Getting my boyfriend back?"
"Not happening!" and Nico sounds sad about it, as if an external force will make them separate again. Lewis isn't even letting him go, Nico's head resting on his chest in a more comfortable position.
"Why?"
"We'll fight in a few hours." He deadpans, it’s an obvious statement. Roses are red, the earth is round and they will fight again.
"And I'll apologize again and again, and everytime it is needed. I'll apologize forever if you take me back."
"You wouldn't even want to go back together if he wasn't here. What will happen when he leaves?"
"That's not true. I am as obsessed with you as you are with me."
"So not at all." He tries to sound nonchalant but it doesn’t work on either of them. They both know how infatuated Nico is with the other man, it became widely recognized within the sporting community as well.
"Shush! I'm having a heartfelt moment." Nico giggles and Lewis kisses his head crown. "I just had to stand by my wrongdoings. You looked like you moved on, you talked about me as if you're well past that."
"That's one way to look at it."
There is something about the little smiles and jokes that eases Nico’s heart. At least, for once, Lewis is the one trying, it took him forever but still. He just hopes the issues won’t resurface by themselves again and ruin everything, or his younger self disappears and they’re left to deal with each other.
“I want to try. I want us again.”
“Well I did want that for a long time, did you even listen to me?” Nico is almost in the mood to fight already, but he pushes the thought far away at the back of his mind.
“I was an idiot, I still am and I'm really sorry for how I treated you all this time. Do you think… we could move past that?”
Don’t you think it’s too late? Nico wants to ask. Don’t you think I finally closed that book and threw it into fire to make peace with it? He sighs, because he knows himself better than anyone, he knows the one thing he wishes for and he knows it’s presenting itself on a golden plate in front of him right now, if only he reaches for it. What if I get disappointed? But what if it works, Nico doesn’t want to lose an opportunity, but refuses to be a walking mat this time.
"I won't help you." Nico says, breaking the silence. "I won't even meet you in the middle." Lewis swallows hard upon hearing the words. Did they not have even a little bit of hope? "You'll have to cross the borders you made, close the distance you created and break the walls you build."
Because Nico never left, he's standing at the same point right where Lewis left him. It was him who went far away from him.
"But you're not... Against it?" Lewis asks just to make sure, and with the passive way Nico's looking at him, he feels like an idiot.
"I won't make any effort, but I won't push you away." It's all the confirmation Lewis needs.
They fight more than once. and younger Nico introduces them to the new concept of holding hands, again.
“How is that going to help us when we’re mad at each other?”
“You mean when you ’re mad at me .” Lewis rectifies, his hands still holding onto Nico’s.
“It just strengthens the relationship and forces you to calm down, maybe even communicate?” The 20 y.o man tries, he sounds like a teacher scolding his class and to be honest nico doesn’t know how to feel about that.
“What relationship?” Nico, the older, indignation heard in his voice.
“I mean, you’re together now…” Younger Nico tries to make sense of the silly situation in front of him.
“We never spoke about that.”
“We did, you just tried acting deaf.” Lewis expresses, he feels like dealing with a child who’s doing his best to start a problem and he’s about to beg him to not do so, not during a race weekend at least.
“Oh, so I'm the problem now?”
“Of course not. But Nico, we said we’ll try.”
“I just said I'm not against it, if you understood that otherwise, it’s on you.” informs him before he stomps his feet, dragging lewis by the hand and leaving the younger looking at both in bewilderment.
Nico has yet to step a foot inside Lewis’ garage, only ghosting in front of it, talking to this and that, sometimes even entertaining some fans who want a little chat and a picture. Younger Nico leans against the wall, gazing at the Mercedes garage in front of him, when Lewis appears, running outside of the garage towards Nico.
“You’ll love these updates.” He says, as he holds Nico’s hands and drags him to the garage.
It felt like everything happened in slow motion for everyone but them, the sight being so foreign especially for the people who did not witness them being infuriated with each other.
An explosion of feelings, but mostly relief. Nico stepped into the garage like he owns it, it felt natural after so long, he was smiling and listening to Lewis and his mechanics chatting his ears.
The younger German watching the scene unfold in front of him felt nothing but joy, not only did they make up after their little stupid fight but Nico looked more at ease. He looked like he belonged, like the garage was home . And in a way it was.
Daniel, in his Red Bull shirt, slides next to younger Nico. “Have they always been like this?” He asks, looking at how the couple was acting as if nothing but them mattered with Lewis standing in front of Toto and talking to Nico about the latest updates. Wasn’t that an infringement of the contract? Toto doesn’t even care.
“You haven’t seen the half of it.” Seb, who appears out of nowhere, comments.
“Tell me all about it.” Daniel might have seen them acting like dumbasses and trying to hate one another as they were battling for the title but he hadn’t witnessed them during their sweet moments.
“I was there when they peeked, I was there when they fell off and here I am when they’ve finally reunited. Truly witnessing history.”
“And writing it.” Young Nico adds, he remembers the 4 championships he heard so much about, he had to give him some credits too.
“Aw.” Seb half hugs him. “Didn’t know you liked me.”
“You talk to me about my hair routine and ask me about how to handle a young teammate who’s my age. I think we’re past that.”
Daniel chuckles at Nico's expressionless face. Seb could only mutter under his breath, “You’re as bitchy as Nico, practically a carbon copy of him."
A week later, everyone becomes familiar with the new change in the paddock, with Nico becoming a constant presence around them and even chatting inside and outside the Mercedes garages, consequences be damned.
As they approach the race, Lewis and Nico dedicate their time to the younger who is struggling with a headache, expressing their shared worry. Together, they try to provide comfort and help him recover before the upcoming race without knowing that their time together is over, that his purpose is achieved already and they're running out of time.
Lewis doesn’t win that race, Seb wins it instead and he is congratulated all the same.
Almost everyone on the paddock left, and Nico just wanted to reach both Lewis and his older self, hug them because finally, he's sure they'll be together forever, after so many years. He knows he's not the one living the situation, the one who got hurt, it's future him, but he had to ensure they'd be together, that there is some fixing to them. They looked so good together, and Nico believes that his same-age Lewis would've laughed in his face if he heard him right now.
He can see them standing a few meters away from him, so he runs to them.
It happens faster than the blink of an eye for him, but for the couple, they pretty much see it in slow motion. One minute the young man is running to them and the second he disappears into thin air. It leaves both of them with their mouths open wide.
They talked before about the younger one leaving them, disappearing to his own time, wondering if he'd fix them from the start, if he'd avoid all the shit that went down and they had to deal with much later in their 30s. But their memories are intact, nothing changes.
Lewis is almost on the verge of crying. "Nico-"
"I know, I know." He's holding himself too, barely. The younger version of him was an eye opener to him. The circumstance of his existence with them was enlightening, offering a fresh perspective and allowing him to reflect on his identity and the things he had deprived himself of.
They'll miss him, that's for sure.
Things happened differently for the younger German. He was mid running when everything changed, again, a familiar feeling that he has forgotten since he time jumped into a different year.
His feet surrender, and he crumples to the ground.
"Nico!" Lewis' voice echoes seemingly materializing out of thin air.
Nico is quite certain that this is the identical moment and location he was in before everything shifted mid-run. It doesn't make sense, time has not passed and Lewis, his Lewis, is crouching down, holding onto him, worrying.
"Are you okay?" He asks with a worried tone. "Nico, do you hear me? Are you alright?”
"I-I..." He doesn't know what to say, or how to explain, the memories from his little time jump gradually blur and Nico realizes he is reluctant to let go of them. He wants to remember everything, hold onto every detail. He wants to lend a helping hand, he wants to save them.
There are tears in his eyes while Lewis is preoccupied with his legs, believing that he hurt himself falling and prompting that reaction out of him. "It's okay, you're not hurt badly. I'll help you walk."
The memory of the two older versions of them smiling at him is the last to fade as he turns to Lewis. "You can't hate me, you're not allowed. Ever!"
"What are you talking about? I can never hate you." Lewis chuckles at his silliness.
If only they knew what the universe has prepared for them, but everything happens for a reason.