love makes me tremble (against you there is no defense)

by littlelamplight

Summary:

‘On those rare occasions when people have surprised me in the past, I received new scars to remember them by. You are different - a pleasant surprise. One of the first in my long life’.

Four times Tav surprised Minthara, and one time Minthara surprised Tav.

One

‘Swear that you will keep me close’. 

 

This is not the first time Minthara has believed Moonrise might be her tomb. The realization hits her as she’s dragged away to the cells, her own cries for mercy ringing in her ears, and her voice dies in her throat. 

 

She offers little resistance to the guards, her mind reeling - the familiarity of the situation, the dread , jars horribly with her memory, with the awe and joy she felt meeting the Absolute, with the certainty that she was on the right path. 

 

And yet this , the scent of blood in her nose and the cold stone beneath her hands, the flails stripping away her mental defenses with the promise to destroy her, the pain , has happened before. 

 

But there's no opportunity to linger on the knowledge that something in her mind is wrong with the full force of the Absolute's wrath bearing down on her. She barely hears the mocking voices of the Questioners above the waves of psychic force that wash over her, full of anger and disappointment in her failure. 

 

She failed the Absolute. She failed her god. She's no longer worthy to stand in her light, to serve her, and she must be broken if she's to be molded into anything useful . 

 

There's a sharp pain in her scalp, her fingers twisting in her own hair, her legs buckling, and she tastes metal on her tongue as she grits her teeth in an attempt to resist . 

 

She won't make it easy for them, as fruitless as it might be. 

 

The intensity of the assault seems to lessen, just a little, and she can hear the murmur of conversation above her, words she can't decipher through the agony, but in a moment of desperation she reaches out with her mind, trying to find a distraction, an advantage, something - 

 

It's like coming upon the eye of the storm. For a brief, impossible moment, the agony and the chaos stills as her mind brushes against another that feels familiar, a warm, smooth shield, and in that single, sheltered moment, Minthara is herself again. 

 

She's herself, for just long enough to know she hasn't been. 

 

Then her grasp slips, and the shield falls away, and she drowns beneath the Absolute's power. 

 

She doesn't remember the Absolute's voice like this . A terrible force that wishes to rend her mind into pieces until there's nothing left of who she was. And as hard as she tries to resist, there's a desperate, exhausted part of her that just wants it to stop , to end, to -

 

The vortex shudders, and another mind touches her own, a shield parting the churning sea, and warmth floods the ruined pieces of her mind in a rush that silences the terrible voice attempting to destroy her. 

 

Minthara looks up in the eye of the storm to see the last person she would've expected to be here. 

 

The True Soul that was her downfall. That took her forces by surprise, and in a pointless, unexpected act of mercy, left her alive in the aftermath. Minthara should despise the very sight of her - after all, was it not her victory that sealed Minthara's fate? 

 

And yet all she can feel is relief. The Absolute is silent, and if this woman has shown her mercy before, perhaps she will again. 

 

'So it is you, who will end me'. Her voice sounds rough and raw, as if she's been screaming within her own mind, and perhaps she has. Perhaps that is all that's left of her now, the screams of a woman who doesn't know who she is anymore. 'Make it swift then. Anything to silence that thing - that voice '. 

 

Her own breaks on a sob that she doesn't have the ability to be ashamed of, anymore. There was a time when she would've believed herself above begging, above pleading, and yet here she is, hoping for nothing more than a quick end. 

 

She has the sense it's not the first time she's broken in this place. 

 

The True Soul stares down at her, anger burning bright in her eyes. Anger is good. Anger will see this end quickly. 

 

And then she crouches down, and extends her hand. 'Share my strength', she says, and the gentle sound of her voice does not belong in the ruin of Minthara's mind, 'and follow my lead'. 

 

Minthara stares up at her, the edges of her mind fragmented, the taste of blood in her mouth, and all she can think to say is, 'who are you?'

 

Perhaps what are you would be the better question. What kind of fool extends a hand to the enemy, and risks so much to help them? Perhaps this is a last, desperate delusion her mind has conjured in her final moments, before she becomes a shell to serve as the Absolute sees fit. 

 

The woman smiles. It's a small thing, the corners of her eyes creasing, softening the anger that Minthara realizes isn't directed at her at all. 'Tav'. 

 

Tav. What an utterly ordinary, ridiculously inadequate name for the impossibility before her. 

 

Minthara gathers the little strength of will she has left, and reaches up to take Tav's hand. 

---

Two

‘Tonight, there will be no voices, no orders, no gods. I belong only to you’. 

 

Tav can't remember who insisted they drink to their victory - probably Astarion, judging by the amount of wine someone retrieved from the inn's cellar - but it is clear her companions are far too exhausted to celebrate properly. She can hardly blame them. After everything they've learned, after everything they've seen, it's hard to focus on anything but the enormity of the task before them.

 

The Dead Three. The Elder Brain. What was it that Minthara said? The battle ahead seems so much bigger than any of them. 

 

Tav nurses a glass of wine by the fire, her eyes drooping a little as she watches her companions. Lae'zel and Shadowheart are sharing a bottle between them, murmuring quietly amongst themselves. Karlach has fallen asleep close by them, snoring loudly with an arm slung around Scratch and the owlbear. Wyll had stumbled to his tent not long after taking the time to check on the tiefling children, and Gale, for all his enthusiasm about celebrating that he was still very much not blown up, had retired soon after. 

 

Halsin is busy monitoring the Shadow Curse as it loosens its grip on the land, and Astarion is off hunting, following Jaheira's very precise instructions to ensure he doesn't choose an afflicted beast for what would be his last meal. If Tav hadn't insisted Jaheira get some rest, the Harper probably would've gone with him. As it was, after what seemed more like grumbling for the sake of it, the woman had collapsed into her bedroll within moments of joining their camp. 

 

It reassures her to know where each of her companions are. To know that they've all made it so far, despite all the odds. 

 

The only person she's lost track of is Minthara, which is a little puzzling after their earlier conversation. 

 

Although, Minthara did say she would join her in her tent. Perhaps she's waiting for her to retire for the night. 

 

The thought jerks her out of a daze of exhaustion, and she rises slowly to her feet, unsure how long she's been sitting there and hoping she hasn't kept Minthara waiting too long. She slips away from the fire without a fuss, Shadowheart and Lae'zel far too caught up in each other to notice her departure, and makes her way past her companions' tents towards her own, smiling a little at the sounds of their snores. 

 

She heard once that people are more likely to snore when they're exhausted. That would certainly explain why their camp doesn't sound exactly peaceful tonight. 

 

At the entrance to her tent, Tav pauses, casting a glance towards Minthara's tent, set a little further away. The space separating her tent from the others used to be greater, but Dame Aylin and Isobel claimed the space in between, and now Minthara's tent is a little less isolated from the rest. 

 

Tav hesitates. She can sense, in that way she's always peripherally aware of her companions' location, thanks to the tadpole, that Minthara is in her own tent. Would it come across as impatience, if she was to go to her first, when Minthara specifically said she would join her? 

 

She thinks of how exhausted Minthara seemed when she disappeared into her tent earlier, and remembers how it felt to touch the fragmented, raw wound of her mind, and turns on her heel to approach the woman's tent. 

 

She'll feel better after seeing her, even if it's just to check that she's sleeping. 

 

The light from the torches outside Minthara’s tent casts a warm glow over the surrounding area. The night is a little brighter than Tav’s become accustomed to in the Shadowlands, the moon shining high above them without the Shadow Curse to obscure the night sky. Tav kneels outside Minthara’s tent, hesitating for a moment as she tries to decide whether it would be best to call out to the woman, or to simply peek through the tent flap. 

 

'If I didn't trust you, I might find your lurking suspicious'. 

 

Tav lets out a startled laugh. 'I wasn't sure if you were asleep. It would've been inconsiderate to wake you'. 

 

'And you are nothing if not considerate'. 

 

Tav is well aware of how significant it is for Minthara to say that she trusts her, and with such ease. The thought fills her with warmth, and she leans her head closer to the tent flap. 'May I?'

 

There'd been something remarkably tentative about the way Minthara asked the same, when she wished to touch her mind. It's stayed with her, the softness of Minthara's voice, the self doubts and uncertainties, the warmth in her eyes when she said that she would belong to her. 

 

There's a soft sigh from within, as if Minthara has perfectly understood her choice of words. 'Of course'. 

 

Tav pokes her head through the tent flap, and her breath catches in her throat. 

 

Minthara is sitting up on her bedroll in her camp clothes, and she's taken her hair out. It spills down her back in waves of silver, and Tav might be surprised by how long her hair is if she could focus on anything but how breathtaking she looks. She's holding a hairbrush in her hand, her fingers loose around the handle, as if she’s paused in the middle of brushing her hair. 

 

'Well?' 

 

There's a note of amusement to her voice, and Tav realises been staring, half in and half out of the tent. She huffs a laugh as shuffles further in, letting the tent flap close behind her, and murmurs, 'you can't blame me for being distracted'. 

 

Minthara hums softly. She looks… tired, somehow, a far off look in her eyes, and Tav's smile falls a little. Concern prickles in her throat, but despite their closeness, despite their honesty with each other, she's not sure if Minthara would appreciate her asking what's wrong. 

 

Instead, she gestures at the brush, and says, 'may I?'

 

Surprise flickers across Minthara's expression, but she hands over the hairbrush without a word. Tav moves to sit behind her, carefully gathering a portion of Minthara's long, soft hair in one hand, and begins to brush it. 

 

A comfortable silence settles between them. Tav focuses on her task, content to simply be with Minthara, enjoying the feeling of her soft hair between her fingers, listening to the sound of her breathing. It's calm and still in a way Tav doesn’t think she's experienced since she stumbled out of her pod on the Nautiloid, and she can feel the tension in her own shoulders loosening with each stroke of the brush through Minthara's hair. 

 

When she's done, she sets the brush aside and parts Minthara's hair into three sections to braid her hair, only to pause.

 

Tav has seen plenty of scars in her life. She has a collection herself, a few earned since the Nautiloid crash, a few from past battles and others from simply living. She's seen the scars of battle and slavery, of poorly healed wounds and spells that met their mark, and in truth it would surprise her if Minthara didn't have scars. 

 

What gives her pause is the unnervingly methodical nature of the scars spanning her back.  

 

The scars are thin, pale lines against the lilac tone of her skin, some longer than others, but all appear to have been made by the same blade, and around the same time. The more she stares the more she finds; unusual radial marks appearing at random intervals along her back in clusters of four, like claws have raked across her skin. Or nails. 

 

Tav frowns, her fingers drifting lightly along her shoulder blade, careful to avoid touching the scars themselves. Minthara tenses under her hand, and Tav slides her hand up to rub her thumb over the junction of her neck and shoulder in apology. 

 

Minthara sighs at that, tilting her head to the side slightly. Tav gathers the long mane of her hair in one hand to tie it together, and then sets her hands lightly on Minthara's shoulders. She begins to work her fingers into the tense muscles of her neck and shoulders, and murmurs, 'I won't pry, Minthara, but I will listen'. 

 

For a moment, Minthara says nothing, and Tav continues to work the stiff muscles beneath her hands. She keeps the pressure light against the curve of her neck, and tries not to let herself think too much about how Minthara acquired her scars. 

 

'You are aware that my memory of meeting the Absolute was a fabrication'. Minthara's voice seems low in the sanctuary of her tent, and Tav leans forward a little, tilting her head down to listen, her brow just brushing the top of Minthara's head. 'The truth has been… slow to return to me'. 

 

Tav frowns, and murmurs, 'I had assumed something like that. Otherwise you would've warned us about the colony beneath Moonrise'. 

 

Minthara exhales a wry laugh, and says, 'quite. The first night I spent in your camp I dreamed of my time there, but it was… fragmented. It wasn't until we descended beneath Moonrise that I understood what I was seeing'. She swallows, and her voice sounds strangled when she says, 'I remembered most - if not all - the rest when I saw Orin'. 

 

Tav has a vague memory of the way Minthara stiffened beside her when they saw the three Chosen for the first time; she'd forgotten about it amidst the chaos that followed. Later, when Minthara told her she knew Orin, she'd put it down as a reaction to the woman's presence. 'I can't imagine having to process all that in the middle of battle'. 

 

Minthara shrugs, her shoulders rising slightly beneath Tav’s hands. ‘I had little choice in the matter’. 

 

‘That doesn’t make it any less remarkable’. 

 

‘You’re trying to flatter me’. 

 

‘Flattery implies it’s not true’. 

 

Minthara sighs, and leans back against Tav’s hands. Tav slides her hands slowly down Minthara’s bare arms and loops them around her waist, pressing her front against the woman’s back to hold her close. ‘I… did not allow myself to linger on it until we returned to your camp’. She makes a disgruntled sound. ‘It has rather interfered with my plans for the evening’. 

 

Tav rests her chin atop Minthara’s head, tucking the woman against her, and lets her fingers stroke lightly along the smooth skin by her hip. ‘Would you like me to assist with those plans?’ 

 

Minthara twists a little so that she can turn her head to look up at her, a curious look in her eyes. ‘And what do you want?’ 

 

Tav simply looks at her for a moment, taking in the details of her face. She lifts a hand to cup her cheek, sliding her thumb over the high rise of her cheekbone. 'Right now? I'd like to kiss you. After that? I would be content to lie here with you. I just…' she sighs, and leans in without thinking to kiss Minthara's forehead. 'I simply wish to be with you'. 

 

Minthara’s brow creases beneath her lips, and when Tav pulls back to look at her, she catches a glimpse of something like uncertainty in Minthara's eyes, before the woman lifts a hand to mirror her, her hand cool against Tav's cheek, and leans in to kiss her. 

 

Her lips are soft and cool, her tongue warm as it swipes over Tav's lower lip, and as Tav lifts her free hand to cup the back of her head, cradling her face in her hands as she kisses her back, it occurs to her that it's a little strange that this is their first kiss. 

 

They know each other in ways most people wouldn't until long after their first kiss. Maybe that's why this feels so natural, so easy, the only easy thing amid the chaos of their lives. 

 

It feels right in a way Tav hasn't since she stumbled out of her pod on the Nautiloid. 

 

Minthara exhales a sigh when they pull apart, her fingers sliding along Tav's lip, a soft, almost content sound. 'I confess, rest sounds very appealing right now, despite my original plans'. 

 

Tav kisses her fingertips, and murmurs, 'then we'll rest. We've certainly earned it'. 

 

Minthara's lips curve in a small smile that soothes an ache somewhere in Tav's chest. 'That we have'. 

 

As Tav settles herself on the bedroll, Minthara turns to remove her camp clothes. She folds the leather outfit and places it to the side, and Tav is surprised to recognize the shirt she dons in its place. 

 

When they'd rescued Minthara from Moonrise, she'd had very little in the way of belongings. Tav had offered her one of her shirts, assuming she'd want something more comfortable than leather to sleep in. It's the same shirt that Minthara wears now, far too large on her smaller frame, the collar falling open to her sternum, and Tav can't quite hide the smile that curves her lips at the sight, her chest filling with warmth. 

 

Minthara notices, her lips pursing a little. 'It's not as if there's a tailor in this ruin of a town'. 

 

Tav laughs, extending an arm towards her, and says, 'well, we'll be in the city soon. There's bound to be a wide range of choices there'. 

 

Minthara scoffs, but lies down beside her, resting her head on Tav's shoulder as if this isn't the first time they've lain together, the worn material of her shirt soft beneath Tav's hand. 'We'll be waging war, not shopping' . 

 

Tav finds herself watching the way Minthara's hand settles on her chest, her fingers loosely curled, and covers the woman's fingers with her own. 'I don't know', she says, a smile lingering on her lips, 'stranger things have happened'. 

 

~   ~   ~

 

Tav's dreams are red. 

 

She’s back in the colony beneath Moonrise, trapped beneath a ceiling of stretched membranes and marbled flesh, the stench of death and decay not quite enough to disguise the metallic scent of fresh blood. 

 

The ever present sounds of the colony, the cries and screams of those processed for fodder and food, the groan of something ancient and living, the scuttling sounds of the intellect devourers, somehow pale in comparison to the sound of Orin’s laughter. 

 

‘Did it think it had escaped?' The mocking croon of her voice echoes oddly in the cavernous space, and no matter how hard she tries to twist away, to reach for her power, to defend herself, she's helpless to stop the blade dragging slowly over her skin. 'Did it think it was saved ?’ 

 

Orin’s nails are stained red with fresh blood - her own, she remembers, the gashes on her back burning - and she brings the blade dangerously close to her face. She remembers the pain as the tip of the blade pierced her eye, but no matter how hard she tries, she can’t pull away. She can’t move. She can only stare into her own, terrified eyes in the reflection of the blade as Orin’s hand fists in her hair, her nails biting into her scalp, a trickle of warmth running down the back of her neck to join the rivers of blood on her back. 

 

She blinks. 

 

In the red of Orin’s blade, her eyes are purple. 

 

There’s a moment of knowing , a moment where she becomes acutely aware of the mind intertwined with her own, and the sense of relief is overwhelmed by the shock of horror that rebounds through her mind like Orin’s laughter in her ears. 

 

~   ~   ~

 

Tav jerks awake at the same time Minthara tears from her embrace, and she's not sure which of them is responsible for the ragged sound that fills the tent. Her heart races against her ribs as she watches Minthara's shoulders rise and fall in an uneven rhythm, the woman's back turned to her, and she props herself up onto her elbow, half reaching for her as she tries to catch her breath. 

 

Her fingers touch Minthara's elbow, and in a flash, the other drow is on her, straddling her hips with her forearm pressed hard against her throat. 

 

It wasn't the wisest move, in retrospect, to reach for a woman who might not be entirely aware that she's left the horrors of her nightmare behind. Minthara's eyes are clouded as she stares down at her, and Tav has to fight to suppress her own instinctive reaction to buck her off. 

 

Instead, she presses one hand against Minthara’s shoulder, the other against her forearm, and pushes, using the leverage to lessen the pressure of the woman's weight on her throat. 'Minthara', she says, her voice low and urgent, letting her mind extend towards her, 'stop. It's just me'. 

 

Minthara blinks, and her gaze focuses on Tav's face. Her eyes widen, and she removes her arm quickly from Tav's throat. 'I…' she seems to struggle to speak for a moment, and looks appalled at herself for it. 

 

Tav rests her hands on Minthara's hips, so that the woman knows where they are, that they're not wielding a knife to slip between her ribs, and murmurs, 'easy. It's alright'. 

 

Something seems to fracture in Minthara's eyes. Her hand grips the back of Tav's neck, her nails pressing lightly into her skin, and she leans down to kiss her. It's all teeth and tongue and desperation, and Minthara is pressing hard against her, and she makes a low sound against her mouth when Tav's hands tighten instinctively on her hips. 

 

Through the mental thread still connecting their minds, Tav senses a question, as Minthara grips the hem of her shirt and digs her teeth into Tav's lower lip. She'd wonder why Minthara doesn't seem to want to voice it out loud, if she didn't catch a glimpse of something hollow and raw and all consuming curling at the back of Minthara's mind. 

 

If this is what Minthara needs, Tav won’t deny her. But she won’t take from her either, when so many have already. 

 

There's not a lot of room to maneuver in the tent, so Tav sits up without dislodging Minthara from her position straddling her hips, and pulls away to tug her shirt over her head. In the time it takes for her to get it over her head and discard it to the side, Minthara has set her lips and teeth against her collarbone, leaving a faint sting that tells Tav she'll likely have an impressive mark come morning. 

 

Minthara takes a moment to look at her, her palms pressed flat against her shoulders as she leans back in Tav's lap, and her gaze feels scorching as it roams over her. Tav never wears anything under her sleep shirt - she wants to be comfortable, after all - and a spark runs down the length of her spine to curl between her legs when Minthara drags blunt nails down her chest to cup her breast in her hand. 

 

Heat simmers low in her belly as Minthara leans forward to kiss her again, the cool material of her clothes rubbing against her chest as she presses close. Her own hands slide from Minthara's hips to sweep up the curve of her back, drawing her shirt up as she goes, and Minthara pulls away for long enough to assist her in pulling it over her head, a low noise exhaled between them when Tav's fingers brush against the swells of her breasts. 

 

Minthara's fingers curl beneath the waistband of her pants, her nails catching lightly against her skin, and she tugs hard. 'Off', she breathes, her voice rough like it's caught in her throat. 

 

Tav looks up at her, but Minthara has turned away, slipping from her grasp to remove the rest of her clothes, and Tav watches for a moment as the light illuminating the tent from outside catches along the lines of her scars. 

 

She resists the desire to reach out and touch them, to trace the clawed marks curling around her ribs and up her spine, to soothe the pain left by a blade she felt pierce her own skin, in the brief moment of that shared nightmare. 

 

Instead, she lifts her hips to remove her pants and underclothes, and let's Minthara push her down until her back hits the bedroll again. 

 

Minthara straddles her, and Tav groans, heat curling tight in her lower belly at the sensation of slick skin against her bare thigh. Minthara lets out a sound like hiss of air through her teeth, and begins to rock against her at a quick, almost frantic pace. Tav rests her hands on her hips, seeking to touch rather than guide, pressing her foot against the ground to bend her knee, and Minthara lets out a low, strangled moan as she presses down against her. 

 

Tav's gaze wanders down Minthara's body as she moves above her, strands of hair spilling down over her shoulders, a flush darkening her breasts, a vision of silver and dusky twilight, and wonders if the warmth tightening in her chest is how it feels to be in love. 

 

Minthara grips her wrist, dragging her hand from her hip to between her legs, and Tav's breath catches when her fingers slide through soft curls to touch silken heat. Minthara grips her wrist tighter, grinding down against her hand with a quiet, almost huffing sound, and when Tav looks up at her, she sees that her eyes are closed, and her brow is furrowed tightly. 

 

She looks almost pained, and Tav's chest aches in an entirely different way to the steady throb building between her legs. She presses the heel of her palm up as Minthara's pace quickens, the desire flooding her at the sight of the woman grinding against her hand in utter abandon cooled by the twist of her brow. Tav's hand is slick with heat, the muscles in Minthara's abdomen flexing as she drives herself forward against Tav's hand, grinding herself hard against her palm like she wants to break them into pieces, like she wants to grind them to dust. 

 

Tav lifts her free hand to cup her cheek, and runs the tips of her fingers slowly along the shell of Minthara's ear. Minthara's hips stutter, a low moan falling into the space between them, and she opens her eyes to meet Tav's gaze, and stops. 

 

Her sudden stillness takes Tav by surprise, and she cups Minthara's cheek again, concern twisting in her throat as she tries to decipher the look in Minthara's dark eyes. 'Minthara?' 

 

Minthara shudders at the sound of her name, her eyes still fixed on Tav's face, a faint crease forming between her brows. She looks almost puzzled, as if there's something she sees in Tav's expression that she doesn't understand. 

 

She rocks her hips forward again, and this time Tav can see the frustration that curls through the desire in her eyes. It dampens the heat in her gaze to something raw and desperate, something aching and empty, and Tav sits up, sliding her hand to the back of Minthara's neck to keep her close, and kisses her. 

 

Tav never wants to see that look in Minthara's eyes again. 

 

She trades the sting of teeth for the slow swipe of her tongue, kissing her firmly as she extracts her hand from between them. Minthara makes a quiet sound of protest against her lips, but her arms wind tight around Tav's neck, and she trembles in her lap when Tav cups her breast, working damp fingers against a pebbled nipple. 

 

Tav breaks away to press open mouthed kisses along Minthara's jaw, and a low, gasp of a moan sounds in her ear when she flicks her tongue over Minthara's earlobe. She presses a kiss below the hinge of her jaw, and murmurs, 'may I?' 

 

Minthara leans back to give her that same, almost searching look, and Tav can feel her heart racing against her palm. She runs her thumb back and forth against Minthara’s sternum, and she watches Minthara's eyes close, as if she’s taking a moment to enjoy the sensation. Then she nods, and winds her fingers through the hair at the nape of Tav's neck to kiss her again. 

 

For a moment, Tav simply holds her close, kneading her breast as her free hand trails slowly up and down her spine. She slides her fingers into her hair, massaging her fingertips lightly against the base of her skull before she curls her thumb around to rub along Minthara's ear. Minthara's breath hitches, a moan muffled by the press of their lips, and when she tilts her head into the touch, Tav breaks away to press kisses along the curve of her jaw, letting her teeth dig in lightly where her pulse races against in her neck. 

 

There's a fine line when it comes to teasing that Tav doesn't want to cross, and so she wraps her arm around Minthara's waist to hold her securely against her as she shifts their positions so that they're lying on their sides, stretched out against the bedroll. 

 

With her arm curled beneath Minthara, she presses her hand against her back to keep her close, and slides her free hand slowly along the lines of her ribs to the curve of her waist, and tugs Minthara's thigh up over her hip. Minthara sighs above her, a sound that rises to a muffled moan when Tav drags her teeth lightly over her nipple, swirling her tongue around pebbled flesh as her hand dips down between them. 

 

She takes her time, now, sliding her fingers through Minthara's folds to gather some of that wet heat at her fingertips, dragging them up again to rub slow circles around her clit. Minthara's hips jerk against her hand, that familiar muffled moan echoing above her, and her grip tightens in Tav's hair. She shifts a little, hooking her thigh higher around Tav's waist, and with her lips against her breast, Tav can feel the way her breath catches when she eases two fingers inside her. 

 

It sends a shock of heat racing down her spine, the sensation of being inside her and the way Minthara reacts to her touch, and Tav groans low in the back of her throat, becoming aware all at once of the steady throb of heat between her own thighs. Minthara moans above her, a little louder than before, as if the sound of Tav's desire has had a similar effect on her. Tav presses a kiss against her sternum, and begins to thrust her fingers in a steady rhythm, curling when she presses deep inside, and Minthara's sighs have become choked, breathless moans. 

 

There's another tug at her hair, a little sharper this time, sending sparks dancing over her skin, and Minthara gasps, 'Tav'. 

 

Tav lifts her head quickly, and Minthara silences any concern she might voice with a kiss that's as desperate as it is consuming. She keeps her fingers twisted in Tav's hair, as if she doesn't want to risk Tav pulling away, hips rocking sharply to meet every thrust of her fingers inside her, and her free hand falls to grip at the muscle of her shoulder, nails digging into her skin just enough to pull a low sound from Tav's throat. 

 

'Tav…' Minthara's breath is hot against her cheek, and Tav doesn't think she's ever enjoyed the sound of her own name more than the way Minthara says it now, exhaled as a moan against her lips, 'Tav - oh!'

 

She makes a sound like a choked, gasping moan as Tav eases a third finger inside her, her thigh trembling high on Tav's hip, and her hand snaps down between them, curving over the back of Tav's wrist to hold her inside. Tav curls her fingers deep in wet, silken heat as Minthara rocks against her, and murmurs the woman's name like a prayer against her cheek. 

 

Fingers tug at her hair, and when Tav lifts her head, the breath leaves her in a rush that makes her head spin. Minthara stares up at her, a flush spreading from her cheeks down her neck to touch her collarbone, and Tav can see the moment her pleasure reaches its peak. Her body arches, her nails digging into her skin, her muscles tensing until she shakes in Tav's arms, and she buries her face in Tav's neck to muffle the ragged, shuddering moans that spill from her as she comes exquisitely undone. 

 

Tav presses her lips to Minthara's hair, her hand splayed between her shoulder blades to hold her close as she shakes in her arms, and there's a raw edge to the trembling breaths exhaled against her shoulder. Tav carefully removes her fingers, and Minthara groans low in her throat. Tav half expects the woman to pull away from her, her grip loosening in anticipation of the action. Instead, Minthara presses closer, looping her arm around Tav's waist, and Tav shifts to roll onto her back, drawing Minthara with her to rest against her chest, and Minthara sinks bonelessly into her embrace. 

 

She kisses Minthara's forehead, and pretends not to notice the dampness against her neck. 

---

Three

‘She had me in her clutches once before. Promise you won’t let it happen again’. 

 

The general mood settled over the camp is considerably more somber than it was when they departed for the circus that morning. The difference in her companions is noticeable, especially in Karlach, who practically bounded through the circus gates, brimming with that remarkable joy and excitement she’s managed to hold on to, despite everything. 

 

Now, she’s decidedly more subdued, quieter than she usually is as they eat together around the fire, her flames a little dimmer than normal. She departs for bed with a wave and a ruffle of the owlbear’s feathers, and without her usual exuberance, the rest of her companions seem to wilt, drifting off to their tents with little more than a good night. 

 

Jaheira lingers a little longer, rubbing her knuckles behind Scratch’s ears. She glances up at Tav, her mouth curving in a rueful smile. ‘The first encounter with shapechangers is always unnerving. A good sleep will serve them well’. She gives Tav a pointed look. ‘As it would you’. 

 

Tav manages a small smile in return. ‘A little wisdom from our wizened elder to end the evening?’ 

 

Jaheira barks a laugh, a sound that rings out a little oddly in the stillness of their camp. ‘There, you see? Orin hasn’t rattled you as much as she might hope’. Her smile softens, and she says gently, 'go, rest. I doubt Orin will try anything tonight, when she knows we're on our guard. Besides, I doubt her knives would fare well against Aylin's wrath, should she try'. 

 

Tav can't help but smile a little at the thought. When they'd returned from the circus and she'd told the rest of her companions about Orin's true nature, Dame Aylin had said something very similar. She might be the only member of their camp who seems utterly unfazed by it all. She'd promptly taken up a position in front of her and Isobel's tent to keep watch, and Tav had wondered at the way she'd made sure to keep Minthara's tent in her line of sight, until the aasimar met her gaze and smiled. 

 

If there's anyone who can understand her fear of losing the woman she loves, it's Aylin.

 

The thought makes her shoulders tense, and she rises from beside the fire, pausing to rest her hand on Jaheira's shoulder. 'Don't forget to follow your own advice. Those old bones could use some rest, judging by how much they were creaking earlier'. 

 

Jaheira squints up at her, tilting her head at an exaggerated angle. 'You're lucky my hearing isn't what it once was, or I might be inclined to be offended'. 

 

Tav smiles, and gives the woman's shoulder a gentle squeeze. 'Good night, Jaheira'. 

 

'Pleasant dreams, cub'. 

 

Tav doubts she'll sleep at all, much less dream. She'll be too worried that Orin might infiltrate their camp, too worried about being caught off guard. 

 

That Orin might target Minthara, and that she'll be unable to stop it. 

 

She quickens her pace towards Minthara's tent, realizing that the short time apart from her has been enough to set her on edge. Something in her chest loosens a little at the sight of Minthara sitting cross legged in front of her tent, and she feels like she can breathe again. 

 

She's always struck by how much smaller Minthara seems without her armor. The first time she saw her in her camp clothes after she'd joined them, it was something that made her smile, in an amused, almost fond way that she'd managed to hide before Minthara noticed. 

 

Now, the sight of her without her armor stirs a prickle of anxiety in her stomach. She remembers Orin’s too wide smile and the way Minthara flinched when the woman laughed, and a knot forms in her throat. 

 

Minthara notices her approach, and though she doesn't smile, something around her eyes softens a little, in that way Tav is sure no one else would be able to see. In response, tav reaches out with her mind, brushing against the familiarity of Minthara's for a brief moment before she withdraws, as if she's brushing her hand lightly over the woman's cheek. 

 

Minthara’s brow crinkles slightly. Tav takes a seat beside her in front of her tent, and murmurs, 'I wanted you to know it was me'. 

 

Though their shoulders aren't quite touching, Tav can feel the way Minthara stiffens. She’s quiet for a moment, and there's a roughness to her low voice when she says, 'I confess I hadn't expected to encounter Orin as soon as we did'. She huffs, a wry, self deprecating sound that Tav almost wishes she wasn't so familiar with. 'It was a foolish hope'. 

 

Tav sighs, and rubs hand over her face. 'I feel like I should apologize for putting us in that situation. I wanted… I don't know. A moment of… lightness amid everything. Now Orin knows… more about us than I would like'. 

 

Usually, she wouldn't hesitate to say that she loves Minthara out loud. It's the truth, and there's no point in hiding it, especially not from the woman herself. But after today, it feels like a dangerous thing to voice.

 

Minthara scoffs. 'Don't be foolish. We would've encountered her in some other disguise soon enough'. 

 

Tav turns to look at her, and gives her a crooked smile. 'I said I feel like I should apologize, not that I would'.

 

Minthara blinks, and some of the tension in her shoulders seems to loosen. The corner of her mouth curls slightly, and she leans their shoulders together. Tav takes it as an invitation to loop her arm around Minthara’s waist, settling her hand on her hip and giving her a gentle squeeze. 

 

'I confess it… frightens me'. Minthara sighs, and rests her head on Tav’s shoulder. Her soft hair tickles Tav's neck, and she holds her a little closer in response. 'That she caught me off guard again. That she saw… that'. 

 

There was a time Tav never would've imagined Minthara would confess her fears so easily. When she might've believed the woman didn't experience the emotion. But she knows her, now. As Minthara said, she knows her heart, just as Minthara knows hers. 

 

And now Orin knows that, too. 

 

'Until Orin is dealt with, if you want to be sure I'm, well, me, you have my permission to touch my mind whenever you need'. She turns her head slightly, bushing her lips against MInthara’s hairline. 'Like you said, we can't let her erode our trust in one another'. 

 

'How considerate of you'. There's a faint edge to her voice, though it lacks any real bite. 'Are you planning to invite all our companions to enter your mind on a whim?' 

 

Tav shakes her head, careful not to dislodge Minthara from her shoulder. 'No. It might get a little crowded'. She chuckles softly, and murmurs, 'perhaps I'll ask Jaheira to come up with some code phrases for us'. 

 

It's not that she hadn't considered that Orin might target any member of their camp. It's just that there was so much delighted malice in Orin's voice when she'd told Tav that her bond wouldn't save her. 

 

In truth, the words seemed directed more at Minthara than herself. 

 

'She'd make a poor imitation of you'. Minthara shifts beside her, and when Tav glances down, the woman is looking up at her, something Tav can't quite name shining in her eyes. 'It's you who should be wary. She… knows me. There's no telling what I might've told her that even I don't remember, anymore'. 

 

The anger that churns in her stomach is as hot and righteous as it was when she first saw Minthara bent double at the Questioners' feet, her hands knuckle white against her own head. She lifts a hand to cup Minthara's cheek, and murmurs, 'then I'll just have to keep you close, won't I? Orin can't replace one of us if we never give her the opportunity'. 

 

Relief flares bright in Minthara’s eyes before she closes them, a split second Tav might have missed if she wasn't so focused on her. The woman tilts her head to press her cheek into Tav's palm, and says quietly, 'thank you'. 

 

Tav wants nothing more than to kiss her, but she feels like they're too exposed beneath the stars and the cool night air. Instead she brushes her thumb along Minthara’s cheek, down to skim the corner of her mouth, and murmurs, 'come to bed'. 

 

Minthara's brow arches, but the look she gives her is warm with what Tav knows to be affection. 'bold'. 

 

Tav smiles, letting her hand fall from Minthara’s cheek and turning to pull back the tent flap. 'I can't keep you close from my tent, can I?' 

 

Minthara's smile is a small thing that's brighter than all the stars above them. 'There is some wisdom in that'. 

 

Tav hangs back for a moment to cast a glance over the camp. Scratch and the owlbear cub have joined Dame Aylin in her vigil over them all, though Scratch seems to have fallen asleep with his head on the aasiamr's knee. Tav doesn't exactly feel safe after their encounter with Orin, but it's hard not to feel a little more… secure when Aylin meets her gaze and gives her a reassuring smile. 

 

Tav smiles back, lifting her hand in thanks, before she slips into the tent after Minthara, letting the flap close behind her. 

 

Minthara lies on her back with her hands folded over her stomach, gazing up at the canvas above her. Tav says nothing as she lies down beside her, and it's not until minthara has shifted to rest against her shoulder that she says, 'I doubt sleep will come easily tonight'. 

 

Tav rubs the palm of her hand slowly up and down Minthara’s back, and murmurs, 'we can only try'. 

 

Minthara hums but says nothing else, her hand settling on Tav's stomach. In spite of it all, Tav feels a sense of peace settle over her as she listens to the quiet, steady sound of Minthara breathing beside her. 

 

'I think you're wrong'. 

 

Minthara tilts her head up on Tav’s shoulder to look at her. 'Oh? Enlighten me'. 

 

Tav cups the curve of her jaw, and cranes her neck down a little to kiss her. Minthara sighs against her lips, sliding her hand from her stomach across her shoulder to cup the back of her neck. Tav pulls away just enough that she can kiss the corner of Minthara’s mouth, lips moving against her skin when she says, 'I don't think she knows you at all'. 

 

Minthara’s brow creases, and she says, 'there's no need to -'

 

'No, I mean it. I mean maybe she knew some of you, but you said so yourself - you're not the same person who first marched on Moonrise’. She squeezes Minthara lightly against her side, fingers curling around a strand of her hair. 'To say that Orin knows the sum of who you are is to give her too much credit, and yourself too little'. 

 

Minthara’s lips twist in that expression Tav has come to associate with their discussions about what was done to her, and she leans up to kiss her with a hand fastened around the back of her neck and her fingers curled tight in her shirt. 

 

It's a messy thing, teeth against her lower lip, tender in the way a bruise might ache. Tav slides her hand slowly down the length of Minthara’s spine, and the kiss softens as Minthara’s weight settles fully against her. 

 

With the familiar weight of her body comes the gentle touch of her mind, a question that's just as clear as if she'd voiced it. Tav draws her in, embracing her with the warmth of her mind, and Minthara’s lips part on a sigh beneath Tav's tongue.

 

In the safety of their intertwined minds, Tav senses Minthara’s doubt and uncertainty, her gratitude for the words clouded by the fear that Tav's sensed since Orin appeared before them. 

 

Minthara had told Tav that she feared Orin so early on, in retrospect, when their bond danced on the edge of becoming something more. To admit her fear was to expose herself, and yet she'd done so willingly, perhaps so that Tav would understand the danger they faced. 

 

Her fear is like a raw, exposed nerve, now, and as Minthara lays it bare before her, Tav glimpses images of the colony beneath Moonrise, of rotting flesh and bloodied membranes, of Orin looming over her in a haze of red, and Tav's grip on Minthara tightens. 

 

Pain breaks us all in the end . The dryad’s voice spilling from Orin’s twisted smile, the red of her blade reflecting in her too pale eyes.

 

It all focuses into a single cold, burning terror; Minthara restrained beneath the pain of Orin’s blade and the madness of her smile. 

 

Minthara pulls away, pressing their foreheads together, and Tav can feel the twist of her brow. 'Promise me'. 

 

Her voice is a ragged thing, desperation digging into Tav's mind like Minthara’s fingers in her shoulder. 

 

Tav slides her hand up to cup the back of Minthara’s head, her fingers sliding through her hair, and pushes past her fears as she once pushed through the sheer force of the Absolute’s presence as it battered at Minthara’s mind. She kisses her, wrapping her mind around Minthara’s and flooding her with warmth, with the certainty of this moment and the strength of her love for her. 

 

'I promise'. She says it aloud and within Minthara’s mind, impressing upon her the belief she holds like an undying flame in her heart. 

 

Orin is wrong. Their bond will save them.

---

Four

‘You know my heart, and I am glad. You are the first’. 

 

' Chk . Must we linger? The dwarf is dead, and we know where this tribunal is. We should move on'. 

 

Minthara agrees with her, but Tav only smiles, leaning with her arms folded against the wall and gesturing almost lazily. 'You're welcome to spoil her fun if you're in a rush'. 

 

Lae'zel watches Karlach rush over to a rack of fine garments, making an excited cooing sound, and scoffs. 'Fine. I suppose we can indulge her'. 

 

Tav nudges her with her elbow, and inclines her head towards the other side of the store. 'The ones over there - those colours would look lovely on Shadowheart, don't you think?' 

 

Lae'zel scowls, and Tav holds up her hands with a grin, turning to wander over to a display in the window. Minthara watches as the githyanki warrior narrows her eyes at Tav's back, before she slowly begins to walk away from her, coincidentally, moving towards the display Tav mentioned. 

 

Despite agreeing with Lae’zel that they’re wasting time, Minthara can’t deny that she’s enjoying the familiar sights of luxury. It's not comparable to the world she can never return to, but it's been a long time since she's been anywhere remotely similar. It's enough to make her indulge in that feeling, turning to examine some of the displays more closely. 

 

The garments are clearly of high quality and design, and she finds her attention caught by a delicately woven white dress accented with gold adornments. The material feels like cool silk beneath her fingers, and even though she knows that it's not made of spidersilk, she can't help but feel a pang of nostalgia. 

 

It's a little ridiculous, really. The only true similarity is the colour, and perhaps the texture of the garment, but there's no magic woven into the threads. Luxury without any thought to defensive capabilities, without protection against a knife's gleam in a banquet hall. And without that, it's no more than a fine funeral garb. 

 

'See something you like?' 

 

Minthara purses her lips, rubbing the material between her thumb and forefinger before she releases it. 'I was merely musing on the folly of surface dwellers'. 

 

Tav gives her an expectant look, in that way she often does when she knows there's more on her mind. Minthara flicks her nail against the garment's gold adornments, and says, 'these are skillfully crafted, but they offer no protection. It's little wonder murders are so common in the city, if its residents are so careless with their safety'.

 

Tav hums softly, and moves closer to inspect the garment, pressing against Minthara’s side. An easy, casual display of affection that was so foreign to Minthara, until Tav began to extend it towards her. 'From what I gather the frequency of these murders is a new thing, thanks to Bhaal'. She leans a little closer to inspect the gem set into the center, and shoots Minthara a quick smile. 'But you're right - it would be foolish to wear it in the Underdark'. 

 

What she doesn't say, what she doesn't need to say, is that this isn't the Underdark. That Minthara is applying rules she's lived by to a place they're not needed. They're rules that she doesn't know she'll ever shake, rules that kept her alive, and she can see that understanding in the soft creases around Tav's eyes.

 

Sometimes the fact that Tav sees her so entirely is a little overwhelming. It hasn't been for some time, and yet she finds herself turning her gaze away now. Perhaps it's the fact that they're in public, or perhaps it's that it was over such a small thing. 

 

Tav’s hand flits down to squeeze her fingers quickly before she lets go, turning away as if she knows exactly how Minthara is feeling. 

 

With how well the woman knows her, it's almost a given that she does. 

 

~   ~   ~

 

With their companions having descended for dinner, Minthara takes her time getting ready to join them, enjoying a rare moment of privacy with Tav. One of the few things she misses from their camp is that their tents afforded more privacy than their current accommodations. Though it's been some time since they bothered to hide their relationship, she did at least have the option of slipping from Tav's tent in the early morning, well before their companions emerged from their own tents. There's little point in attempting something similar now, and so more often than not she simply shares Tav's bed. 

 

Jaheira was the first to point it out, with a sly smile and a comment that she didn't expect Minthara to be such a cuddlier. Minthara hadn't denied it, but she had pointed out it was the one place she could find some respite from the other woman's snoring. 

 

Despite spending more time in Tav's bed than her own, she still uses it to store her few possessions. The blankets are still folded at one end, and she has the suspicion Scratch has been napping there recently. 

 

She pauses as she reaches her bed, noticing that an item of clothing has been placed in the center, neatly arranged so that the gold adornments are clearly visible. Her brow raises slightly as she recognizes the dress she'd begrudgingly admired, and she turns as she hears Tav approach from behind her. 

 

'I see you've become comfortable enough to leave your belongings all over my space'. The corner of her mouth twitches. 'Bold of you'. 

 

Tav pauses, a towel held to her hair, loose strands curling at the nape of her neck, her gaze flickering between Minthara's face and the garment on the bed beside her. Her teeth dig into her lower lip, and Minthara realizes that she's attempting not to laugh. 'It's a gift, Minthara. For you'. 

 

Minthara blinks. 'Oh'. 

 

Tav gives her an expectant look, and Minthara pushes away the odd feeling in her chest to inspect the garment more closely. She picks it up, cool silk sliding against her fingers, and realizes it's not quite as she remembers. The gem set into the center is a deep purple, the light catching within like the twinkling lights of a sussur tree. Minthara brushes her fingers over the smooth surface, her brow raising slightly at the distinctive hum of enchantment against her skin. 

 

'We've collected a lot of treasures on our journey. I found an amulet of alertness, and switched the gems out'. Tav rubs a hand over the back of her neck, droplets of water running over her knuckles as they dislodge from her hair, and Minthara realizes she sounds almost uncertain. 'It doesn't compare to drowcraft armor, of course, but I think you've had enough surprises, don't you?'

 

If there wasn't an odd lump lodged in her throat, Minthara might laugh. How ironic, that the woman offering her such a defense is the very same woman who's been surprising her since their first meeting. 

 

There might have been a time where she'd take the gesture as an insult, as a sign that she was being pitied, or patronized. But those days belong to a life before Tav, who knows her heart and her mind just as well as Minthara knows hers, and she recognises it as a simple act of care . And with Orin so easily remaining unnoticed when she leaves messages in pools of blood for them to find, she can’t say the prospect of relief from the constant vigilance isn’t a welcome one. 

 

With little ceremony, Minthara strips out of her clothes, pleased by the way Tav's breath catches beside her, and turns to face her. 'Assist me'. 

 

Tav laughs softly, the corners of her eyes crinkling as she bows her head slightly. 'Of course'. 

 

They both know that Minthara doesn't need her help. It's simply an excuse to be close, for Tav to brush her fingers over the sides of her breasts and along her ribs, to palm at her hips and the dip of her waist, to sweep up her back as the garment settles against her skin. The cool silk feels like a stark contrast against the warmth of Tav's fingers, and Minthara sighs softly as she presses close against the woman, leaning up to cup her face in her hands. Tav bends to meet her, and Minthara extends her mind towards her as they kiss, flooding their connection with warmth and affection. 

 

When she pulls away, she watches Tav's face as she takes a little longer to open her eyes. They're darker than they were a moment ago, and there's a responding clench of heat between her thighs. Minthara runs her thumb lightly along Tav's lower lip, and murmurs, 'thank you'. 

 

~   ~   ~

 

Perhaps it's the security that comes with knowing she can't be ambushed, combined with the warmth of the fire on her face, but Minthara finds herself closing her eyes, leaning her chin on her arms as Tav brushes her hair. She remembers the first night they did this, when she'd planned to visit Tav's tent, only to find herself caught up in memories that she'd half wished remained forgotten. 

 

Tav might not have realised, but the simple fact that she hadn't asked what was wrong was exactly what made her want to tell her. 

 

She's still not sure what it is that Tav enjoys about brushing her hair, just as she's not quite sure why she enjoys it as much as she does, too. Perhaps it's the reminder that she can turn her back on Tav, that she knows there's nothing to fear from her. 

 

It's a certainty that's still a novelty to her, sometimes. 

 

The thought reminds her of a question that's been nagging at her since they left the tailor. Despite having forgotten about it momentarily, she finds herself unable to quell it now, and breaks the silence to ask, 'what was your upbringing like?' 

 

The brush stills for a moment, and Tav sounds a little surprised when she says, ‘why the sudden curiosity?’ 

 

Minthara considers her answer carefully, her eyes drifting closed as Tav resumes brushing her hair. ‘You were not raised to follow Lolth, yet you have a remarkable amount of… understanding towards those who were’. 

 

It’s perhaps the closest Minthara has ever come to asking why . Why Tav spared her, what seems so long ago, when her mind was still enslaved to the Absolute, when they would have been enemies even without the Cult’s influence. Why she risked so much to save her in Moonrise, when it would’ve been so easy to walk away. 

 

It’s a question she’s never asked. Perhaps it was cowardice, at first, when she was still reeling from the truth the Prism allowed her to see. Later, as they grew closer, she had the sense that the answer might shake her, that Tav might somehow reveal she knew her in a way that would leave her feeling exposed. And when she embraced that, how well Tav knew her heart, how safe that was, it felt like it would be pointless to ask, when they already knew each other so intimately. 

 

And yet something as simple as Tav buying her a dress has brought that question to the forefront of her mind again. 

 

Tav hums thoughtfully, and murmurs, seemingly more to herself than Minthara, 'where to begin? Well, my mothers tried to kill each other when I was a few days old, which isn't quite the same as surviving an assassination attempt as an infant, but I would have died all the same had they succeeded'. 

 

Minthara huffs a quiet laugh. 'And you're sure you weren't raised in Menzoberranzan?' 

 

Tav chuckles, and sets the brush aside to begin braiding her hair. Her fingers linger against the base of Minthara's skull, tracing absent patterns along the back of her neck. 'Quite sure. My ilhar was a priestess of Lolth, but my i'ssuri is a Sword Dancer of Eilistraee. Not a union that would've survived in Menzoberranzan;’. 

 

Minthara purses her lips, well aware that her instinctive reaction to the mention of Eilistraee is a product of her time in Lolth’s service. ‘I’m surprised they survived their initial encounter at all’. 

 

‘Well, they almost didn’t. That was the first day they met’. Tav laughs, an undeniably fond sound that Minthara could never imagine associating with her own family. ‘They still bicker about which one of them would have won, if things had gone differently’. 

 

Minthara takes note of the use of present tense, and finds herself oddly relieved by it. Leaving Lolth's service is one thing - surviving it is another. Once the Elder Brain is dealt with, she's sure her mother will send assassins to remind her of the fact.  

 

That, at least, is something she doesn't have to warn Tav about. 

 

Tav presses against her back so that Minthara is seated between her legs, and slides warm hands down her arms to take Minthara's in her own. She presses her lips to Minthara's cheek, and Minthara lets herself sink back into her embrace. 

 

'It wasn't your i'ssuri who turned your ilhar from Lolth's service?' 

 

Tav shakes her head. 'No. She'd already left Menzoberranzan when they met. The way she tells it, she’d had some doubts for some time when she faced a test of her faith. She knew it was something she couldn't do, but believed she might have time to overcome her doubts. But when I was born without Lolth's mark, she feared that her hesitation had been seen as a betrayal. A weakness. I don't have to tell you that the Spider Queen can be cruel and vicious to her followers, never mind those that spurn her'. 

 

Minthara hums, a quiet sound of acknowledgement, and murmurs, 'what was her test?' 

 

She watches Tav trace her fingers over the backs of her knuckles in an absent, almost instinctive way. Minthara can't imagine receiving and giving affection so regularly that it becomes an instinct, as much as she's come to crave the other woman's touch. 'She's never told me. In the end, I don't think the test mattered as much to her as what came afterwards. It was just one of a series of moments that led to her leaving'. 

 

It's hardly that simple, and yet… she understands thinking of it in that sense. All the complexities of how she came to be here, resting in Tav's arms, don’t seem to matter as much as being here, in this moment. 

 

Tav nuzzles against the side of her neck, pressing her lips to her jaw, and murmurs, ‘why all the questions about my family? If you're worried my ihar might try poisoning you, don't be. My i’ssuri put a stop to that habit a long time ago’.

 

Minthara recognises the light hearted way she says it for what it is; an offer for Minthara to tell her what's really on her mind, or to turn the conversation in a different direction, if she doesn't want to.  

 

‘I had thought it might provide some insight’. 

 

‘Into?’ 

 

Minthara purses her lips, reluctant to voice it simply because she's not sure she can put it into words. Instead, she reaches out, letting her mind brush against Tav’s in question. When Tav's mind opens to her, she allows two images to surface. The first; Tav looming over her in the temple ruins, her fists curling tight around her staff in a moment of decision before she brings it down hard. The second; Tav kneeling in the center of a vortex of pain, her hand outstretched in offering. 

 

She lets Tav sense the uncertainty she feels when she considers those memories, and Tav’s arms tighten around her waist. Tav presses a kiss to her cheek, and murmurs, ‘you’ve never asked’. 

 

Minthara sighs, reaching down absently to intertwine her fingers with Tav’s against her stomach. ‘When my mind was my own again, I wondered if perhaps you were a follower of Eilistraee, under some delusion that you could convert me’. 

 

She can feel Tav smiling against her cheek. ‘I respect the Dark Maiden and her warriors, and I admire her teachings, but no, that wasn't it'. 

 

Minthara shifts in her lap, turning so that she can lean against her and see her face. ‘Then why?’ 

 

Tav simply looks at her for a moment, the firelight glittering in her dark eyes. She sighs, lifting a hand to brush her fingers along Minthara's cheek, and murmurs, ‘the first time… we knew so little about what we were facing at that point. We'd only just learned of the Absolute, and we knew the army served a new god. Up until that point, we’d encountered followers with the Absolute’s brand, but we didn't know that True Souls were infected, just like us’. 

 

Her gaze turns towards the fire, her brow furrowing slightly. ‘When I met you, and I had that vision of Orin… it became clear to me that you weren’t a follower by choice. You wouldn't have been tadpoled, if you were. It… made me realize there was a lot more going on than we’d imagined. More than that, it… made me realize how easily our positions could've been reversed’. 

 

She meets Minthara's gaze again, and her smile is a small, melancholy thing. ‘I suppose I made the decision because of that. I had this moment of realising that if we were interchangeable, then it wouldn't matter if one of us died. If you killed me, I barely would've registered as an obstacle in your war for the Absolute. If I killed you, you'd be just another person we defeated fighting against it’. 

 

There's a hard lump lodged in Minthara's throat, and she wonders if Tav knows how often she's thought about that. How easily she would've been forgotten. 

 

Tav leans in to rest their foreheads together, and murmurs, ‘I had intended to question you, once you woke, but the alarm had gone up, and by the time we’d dealt with that, you were gone’. 

 

Minthara links her fingers around Tav's neck, anchoring them together. ‘And Moonrise?’ 

 

Tav shakes her head slightly. ‘It wasn't even a choice. I felt your mind disintegrating, and it felt like… part of me was burning alive’. 

 

‘Why not walk away? It would have been far less of a risk’. 

 

Tav shrugs. ‘To risk nothing is to gain nothing. Maybe I could've walked away, but it would've haunted me. I wanted to save you, so I did’. 

 

Minthara pulls back just enough that she can meet Tav's eyes, taking in the intensity of her gaze, the faint pinch at her temples like there's something paining her, the raw, open honesty of her expression, and something within her finally stills. 

 

She leans in to kiss Tav, and murmurs, ‘that you did’. 

---

Five

‘It is not a word I ever expected to say’. 

 

Minthara is no stranger to victory by any means, or to the celebrations that follow. She's experienced many banquets in her long life, thrown while her blood was still hot, thrumming with the victory she was celebrating with her soldiers. 

 

These celebrations are different. They're not grander or more extravagant than the ones she's experienced. Held among crushed rubble and the smoldering fragments of nautiloids, drinks shared over broken masonry serving as makeshift tables, it's as chaotic and messy as she's come to expect from the surface world. 

 

And yet she's never seen a group of people more glad to be alive. 

 

It's infectious in a way she didn't expect, the raw, sincere joy made all the more real by the enormity of what they faced. They want to celebrate the impossible victory they achieved, and perhaps even more strangely, they want to celebrate it with her. 

 

Celebrating has never felt like this; surrounded by people who welcome her for no other reason than wanting her there. There's no poison in the wine Jaheira brings her, no knives behind Wyll’s beaming smiles, no ulterior motive to Lae’zel complimenting her form in battle. 

 

There's nothing dishonest about the way Tav squeezes her hand before Minthara slips away, and nothing unexpected about the fact that she follows her soon after. 

 

She joins Minthara in what was once a room on the top floor of the Elfsong Tavern, sprawling back against the rubble that's gathered behind her. The roof and most of the walls are gone, leaving what remains open to the elements, and to the sounds and sights of the celebrations gripping the city. 

 

Tav wraps an arm around Minthara’s shoulders, and murmurs, ‘if I didn't know you better, I might think you're hiding’. 

 

Minthara purses her lips. ‘Hiding implies cowardice. I am practicing strategic avoidance’. 

 

Tav laughs, tilting her glass up to drink, a smear of red left behind on her lip that Minthara restrains herself from tasting, just yet. ‘Worried Karlach might burn you?’ 

 

Minthara gives in, leaning forward to kiss her, swiping her tongue slowly along her lower lip to savor the spice of the wine. She pulls back to meet Tav's gaze, and in the red light reflecting through the glass up into her face, her eyes are dark and warm and wanting. ‘It would certainly put a damper on her mood’. 

 

Karlach might be able to control her fire now, but like all of them, she's exhausted and elated with their victory, and each bone crushing embrace she's given Minthara over the last few hours has felt just a little hotter than the last. 

 

Tav smiles, and cups Minthara's chin in her hand, stroking the pad of her thumb along her lower lip. ‘You can hardly blame her. She's free, thanks to you’. 

 

Minthara huffs. ‘I simply proposed an idea. It was the gnomes and the blacksmith who created the solution'. 

 

In their first act of collaboration, the Gondians and the Ironhands, together with Dammon, found a solution to an impossible problem. Karlach is free now, just as she should be. 

 

Tav hums, and leans in to kiss her, warmth and spice and entirely more important than the current discussion. ‘Worried people are going to start thinking you're a hero?’

 

Minthara scoffs, taking the glass from her to take a sip of the wine. ‘Not at all. They'll simply be easier to fool if they think such a thing’. 

 

They lapse into a comfortable silence, leaning against each other as the sounds of the celebrations float up towards them from below. Fireworks dance and stream over the ruined skyline, and someone below has pulled out a lute, drunken voices rising over each other in a ridiculous attempt to sing along. 

 

Tav laughs, a sudden burst of mirth in the stillness, and Minthara gives her a questioning look. Tav shakes her head with a smile. ‘It just… I don't think it's quite registered. We survived. More than that, we won. We’re free, all of us. We didn't lose anyone’. She laughs again, the faintly delirious sound of someone well past exhaustion, ‘I still can't believe it'. 

 

Minthara leans against her side, tilting her head up on her shoulder to look at her. ‘I told you we would’. 

 

Tav huffs a laugh, and presses a kiss to her forehead. ‘And you didn't have any doubts?’ 

 

She considers the question. It had certainly felt like an impossible task when they'd first discovered the truth of the Dead Three and the Elder Brain, but the more they achieved, the more Minthara found herself thinking they might succeed. 

 

It wasn't until Orin was dead that it became a belief, glowing beside her heart like the strength of their bond. 

 

‘Whatever doubts I might have had…’ she frowns slightly, unsure how to put it into words. Once, she simply would've used their connection to show her. ‘I… our bond is alurlssrin . Any doubts I might have had seemed insignificant in comparison’. 

 

Tav turns to face her abruptly, and Minthara makes a noise of displeasure as she's dislodged from her shoulder. ‘What did you say?’ 

 

She's staring at her. The expression on her face is one Minthara doesn't think she's seen before, and she frowns. ‘I… said our bond is alurlssrin’. Perhaps she's misunderstood the meaning of the word, and Minthara reaches out to lay a hand over her heart. ‘It means love’. 

 

It's more than that. The simple translation is not enough to convey the depth of the word’s meaning, and Minthara's frown deepens as she considers how she might explain it. She had assumed Tav would recognize the word, given her upbringing and the word’s origins among followers of Eilistraee, and now - 

 

‘I know what it means’. Tav’s voice is soft and low, a faint tremor to her words, and she reaches up to cover Minthara's hand against her chest. ‘I just… never expected to hear it from you’. 

 

And all at once, Minthara realizes that Tav isn’t confused. She's surprised . 

 

The enormity of it washes over her, and she experiences a sharp pang of loss as she finds herself wishing she could join her mind with Tav’s again, and show her. Instead she has to rely on words that feel so inadequate compared to what she feels for her.  

 

‘It is not a word I ever expected to say’. She moves closer until their knees bump together, closer still until she slides into Tav’s lap, their chests pressed together until their hearts beat as one. ‘But, I have never known another like you. I have never trusted or loved another as I do you’. She runs her thumb along Tav’s lower lip, and murmurs, ‘ alurlssrin. No other word would suffice’. 

 

Tav kisses her. She kisses her hard, her hands gripping tight beneath Minthara’s thighs as she stands in a rush of movement that ends with Minthara’s back pressed against the remains of the wall behind them. Minthara kisses her back with her fingers twisting in her shirt, digging her teeth into Tav’s lower lip, an ache stirring between her thighs as she listens to the low noise it draws from her lover. 

 

There’s an almost frantic edge to the way Tav kisses her, so unlike how she usually prefers to take her time. She kisses her like she’s finally allowing herself to consider that things might’ve gone differently, that they might’ve lost each other in a war that seemed impossible to win. She’d seemed so composed and fearless leading them through the chaos, as if she was always certain of the outcome, and Minthara had admired her leadership, just as she’d known that Tav’s worries lay so close beneath the surface. 

 

It spills out of her now, her fingers bruising against Minthara’s hips, kissing her like she wants to devour and be devoured, like she knows, despite the loss of their connection, that Minthara craves the same. She presses her into the solid wall behind her, the cool wood a stark contrast to the heat of her body, and Minthara locks her legs around her waist. 

 

The tight press of her body provides just enough friction to stir the simmering heat in Minthara’s belly as she grinds into her, just enough to keep her distracted as Tav breaks away to press hot kisses along her jaw, and she quakes in her arms when her teeth nip at her earlobe. 

 

Tav stills, her breath warm and uneven by her ear, and Minthara realizes that she's panting, too. Tav presses her lips to Minthara's forehead as she catches her breath, and murmurs, ‘I love you’. 

 

Minthara smiles, and tucks her face against the warmth of Tav’s neck. ‘I know’. 

 

Tav laughs, a fond, amused sound, and Minthara remembers how surprised she looked when she named their bond. Something sharp gnaws at her, and she wonders whether Tav knows she loves her with the same certainty Minthara feels. Once she wouldn't have questioned it, but maybe she's not the only one feeling cast adrift without the connection between their minds. 

 

Well, if so, she'll just have to remedy that. Minthara taps at Tav's shoulder until the woman sets her down, and she immediately sinks to her knees. Tav’s breath catches above her, and her hand settles lightly in her hair. ‘Are you comfortable down there?’ 

 

Minthara tugs the woman's pants and underclothes down in one deft movement. ‘Quite’. Tav's pants pool around her ankles, and Minthara breathes in the rich, heady smell of her arousal, splaying her hands flat against strong thighs and leaning in to press her lips to a sensitive place just beneath Tav’s hip. She laves her tongue over the jut of her hip bone, humming in approval when Tav widens her stance a little. She looks up, tracing her fingers absently over the lines of the muscles in her thighs, and smiles when Tav meets her gaze. ‘I love you’. 

 

Tav’s expression softens, and she reaches down to cup Minthara's cheek. She strokes her thumb along the corner of her mouth, and murmurs, ‘I know’. 

 

There's a sense of relief that comes with a rush of heat, and Minthara tilts her head to kiss the inside of her palm. Tav hums softly, and slides her hand around to the back of Minthara's head, gently urging her closer. She goes willingly, eagerly , pressing her face into the neat patch of coarse curls at the apex of Tav’s thighs, swiping her tongue along her folds. She's drenched, her arousal coating Minthara's lips as she slides her tongue over Tav’s clit, tilting her head to dip the blade of her tongue into her entrance. 

 

Warmth pools like honey in her mouth, and her eyes slide closed when Tav's fingers curl a little tighter in her hair. She laps at her cunt with focused purpose, broad strokes along the length of her as she listens to the soft sighs and hums of approval from the woman. The tension builds in Tav’s body, the muscles beneath Minthara’s hands tensing as she winds her tighter, letting her nails press into soft flesh to draw a low groan from above her. 

 

There's a tug on her hair, a little sharper, sending a frisson of sparks racing down her spine, and she throbs . She's acutely aware that her thighs are damp, that she can't quite keep her hips still, and her desire to drive Tav to feel that same desperate need makes her movements a little frantic. 

 

‘Minthara’, Tav sounds breathless, and Minthara moans against her when warm fingers slide along her ear, ‘look at me’. 

 

It takes her a moment, and her vision is unfocused when she opens her eyes to look at Tav, curved down over her to meet her gaze. She blinks, focusing on Tav’s face, on the dark pools of her eyes as she watches her, and grips her thighs tighter. Minthara draws Tav's clit between her lips, pulsing the flat of her tongue against it as she moans into her, and Tav’s hand flies out to catch herself against the wall with a curse. A hand curves against the back of Minthara's head as she grinds her hips sharply against her face, cushioning her against the wall, and the tension in Tav’s body reaches a peak. 

 

Her muscles go taut as she comes apart with a cry that Minthara might recognize as her own name, if all her senses weren't overwhelmed with the taste and feel of the woman, flooding her mouth and obscuring her vision, her breath caught as she presses tight against her.  

 

Tav steps back, using her grip on Minthara's hair to pull her head back a little, her chest heaving as she catches her breath. She's smiling, and she reaches down to wipe away the slick coating Minthara's chin with her thumb. Minthara's lips part, and she takes the digit into her mouth, a fresh flush of heat rising in her cheeks when Tav hums in approval. 

 

When Tav’s fingers press and rub against the back of her head, Minthara realizes she’s stopped anticipating the sting of nails biting into her scalp. Somewhere along the way, as impossible as it might've seemed to her once, she's come to expect the tender way Tav touches her. Her breath hitches at the thought, her lips parting on a soft moan around Tav’s thumb, and Tav leans down to kiss her, her breath warm against damp lips. ‘Ssin’urn’ . 

 

She withdraws, and Minthara watches her dress again through half lidded eyes, a small smile curling the corners of her mouth when Tav sweeps her up into her arms.  

 

‘Come’. Tav presses a kiss to her forehead, adjusting her grip to hold Minthara more securely. ‘I had plans that involved us being a little more comfortable’. 

 

Minthara allows herself to relax into Tav’s arms, wrapping her arms loosely around her neck. ‘Oh? You doubted that we would succeed and yet you made plans?’ 

 

Tav laughs, and the warm vibration settles between Minthara’s ribs. ‘Well, I had to have something to fight for’. 

 

~   ~   ~

 

Tav’s lips sear across her throat, her breath hot against her ear, and Minthara's rhythm stutters as teeth scrape across the sensitive ridge. A warm hand drags up her side to stroke along her other ear, and the dual stimulation is almost too much, a moan shuddering from deep in her chest as Tav's free hand grips her waist, guiding her to match the movement of her hips that presses the strap deep inside her. Her toes curl, heat pulsing low and heavy between her legs, tipping her head into Tav's hand as her tongue flicks over her earlobe, and there's a low murmur that travels like a vibration all the way down her spine to curl tight in her belly. 

 

She tries to focus, tries to find meaning in the words lost to the heat curling inside her, and Tav’s fingers curl in her hair, a sharp tug that pulls something dangerously close to a whine from her throat. 

 

‘Minthara’. 

 

It’s a demand as much as a caress, and Minthara grips Tav’s shoulders tight, nails digging into her skin to elicit a low hum of approval, grounding herself. She opens her eyes to find Tav watching her, purple flames curling around her irises, and a moan spills from her lips to echo between them. Minthara burns under her gaze, consumed by the way Tav looks at her like this, the way she always watches her, like she doesn’t want to miss a second of their time together. 

 

Without the connection that used to exist between their minds, it's unexpectedly grounding. She feels as if she could tip forward and drown in those eyes, and that Tav would be there to catch her. 

 

Tav rubs her thumb back and forth along her ear, matching the steady pace of her hips, and the surge of heat that rushes through her almost drowns out Tav’s voice.  ‘Say it again’. 

 

‘I… oh -’ Tav pulls her closer with an arm around her waist, and her next thrust sends stars spiraling over Minthara's vision. Her hands grasp along Tav's shoulders, twisting in the hair at the nape of her neck, and she gasps, ‘what?’ 

 

Tav smiles at her, warm and teasing. ‘Say it again'. 

 

For a moment, she struggles to understand what Tav is asking of her, unable to focus past the haze of heat and pleasure building with each steady thrust inside her, and her breath hitches with the uncertainty. Tav is there in the next breath, kissing her softly, and Minthara moans as her pace slows to a languid roll of her hips. 

 

Tav pulls back to look at her, the corners of her eyes creasing as she smiles, full of what Minthara has learned to call love, and the realization comes to her as easily as breathing. She presses their foreheads together, her breath ragged against Tav’s warm smile, and breathes, ‘alurlssrin’. 

 

Deft fingers slide and rub against her clit as Tav’s tongue dips into her mouth, her hand warm and grounding against her cheek, and Minthara shatters in her arms with the certainty that Tav is there to hold her. 

 

When she comes back to herself, she's slumped forward against Tav’s chest, an arm wrapped securely around her waist as a hand runs slowly up and down her spine, and she becomes aware that Tav’s still moving . She can hear how wet she is with each rock of Tav’s hips beneath her own, and she moans openly against her shoulder. 

 

Tav’s lips brush along her forehead, and she murmurs, ‘ alurlssrin ’. 

 

A shock of heat runs down her spine to clench tight in her lower belly. Her limbs feel heavy, and there's a tremble to her arms when she cups Tav's face in her hands to kiss her, a clumsy, messy thing, her teeth scraping against her lip, seized by a desperate, somewhat delirious need to be closer. 

 

She grinds herself forward, muffling a whimper against Tav's lips, her thighs trembling on either side of her, and Tav's arms tighten around her waist. She shifts their positions with ease, and Minthara’s vision blurs with stars as Tav presses her back into the bed, the strap settling deep inside her with an ache that curls her toes. 

 

‘I’ve got you’, Tav murmurs the words against the hinge of her jaw, a vibration that pools in liquid heat between her legs. She leans back for a moment, and Minthara blinks up at her, her chest heaving as she tries to catch her breath. Warm, strong hands slide along her thighs to press her legs back towards her chest, and then Tav presses down against her, Minthara’s legs falling into the crooks of her elbows as her hands curl in the sheets on either side of her hips, and she breathes, ‘is this okay?’ 

 

Minthara tries to respond, but all that she manages is a ragged, helpless moan, her hands shaking as she grips Tav’s upper arms, feeling the strain in her muscles as she holds herself still. It might embarrass her, if she had the capacity to focus on anything other than the heat rolling through her and the soft, utterly adoring way Tav’s looking at her. 

 

But then again, maybe it wouldn't. She's with Tav, after all. 

 

Unable to speak, Minthara cranes her neck up to kiss Tav, a whimper muffled by her tongue as she rocks her hips beneath her. Tav’s weight settles against her, and for a moment she's overwhelmed by the sense of her own vulnerability, spread so open as Tav bends her into the bed. Then Tav is kissing her, a hand cradling the back of her head as she begins to move again, and Minthara wraps her arms tight around her neck, and lets go. 

 

The world falls away. The city might burn, the heavens might fall, the realms might sunder, and yet it wouldn’t touch them. 

 

Nothing else exists in this moment, wrapped so securely in Tav’s arms. No voices, no orders, no gods, just the heat that burns and builds between them, the warmth of Tav’s lips against her throat, and the slick movement between her legs that curls tighter and tighter in her lower belly. 

 

‘Tav -’, her voice breaks on a moan, her hands grasping at Tav’s shoulders, at her upper arms, at the sheets beneath her, desperate for purchase as her muscles tense and her body trembles beneath her, ‘ Tav…’ 

 

Tav grasps her hands, intertwining their fingers as she presses them against the bed, and Minthara clings to her. Tav peppers kisses along her jaw to capture her lips in a kiss that draws a strangled sound from her throat, and leans back just enough to look down at her. Minthara meets her gaze as the edges of her vision blur, and the smile that curves Tav’s lips is warm with the love and adoration shining in her eyes. ‘I love you’, she breathes, leaning down to kiss her as Minthara grips her hands hard enough to bruise, ‘I’m here'. 

 

The words ring in her ears and echo in her bones as the world fragments, Tav’s name tearing from her lips in a wail that rises higher and higher until it becomes a silent cry, until the building pleasure reaches a peak that tips her into blissful oblivion. 

 

She comes back to herself exactly where she knew she'd be; held safe in Tav's arms. The woman has shifted to lie beside her, the harness discarded somewhere out of sight, and Minthara goes willingly into her arms as she rubs a soothing hand up and down her back, holding her close as aftershocks shake her limbs. She can feel Tav’s heartbeat against her cheek, and there was a time she could never imagine being so soothed by another’s presence. 

 

Those days, thankfully, are long behind her. 

 

‘I need you to know’, Tav's lips brush along her temple, her fingers stroking slowly though her hair, ‘I wasn't surprised that you love me. I know you do. I've never doubted that’. 

 

Of course Tav recognized her fear. Why was she so worried that things might be different without the connection the tadpole gave them? 

 

Tav touches her chin, tilting her head to kiss her softly, salt mixing with her familiar taste. ‘It's just… alurlssrin ’, she huffs a soft laugh, and even now, the sound of the word on her tongue makes something flutter between Minthara’s ribs, ‘that word is so… it's so rare . I never expected to say it myself, never mind hearing it from another’. She cups Minthara's cheek, swiping her thumb over the tears collecting beneath her eye, and murmurs, ‘my surprise did not indicate a lack of belief in you’. 

 

Held like this, her limbs heavy and her heart safe, Minthara wonders how she ever thought otherwise. 

 

She presses her hand against Tav's chest, and breathes, ‘you know my heart, as I know yours. That is true, regardless of the tadpoles influence. I’m afraid I allowed my doubts to… cloud that certainty’. 

 

Tav mirrors her, the warmth of her hand a grounding weight against her chest. She strokes her thumb back and forth along Minthara's sternum to the beat of her heart, and says, ‘are you having any doubts now?’

 

‘No’. Minthara tilts her head, pressing her cheek into Tav’s hand as the woman leans down to rest their foreheads together. ‘I am yours, as you are mine, and our bond will last as long as we do’. 

 

Tav laughs, a soft, delighted sound, and pulls Minthara flush into the warmth of her arms. ‘I love you’. 

 

Minthara smiles. ‘I know’. 

 

Notes:

thank you to minthara for dragging me out of writer's block like she carries the entire party in game!! very typical of me to fixate on a character who desperately deserves more content, so im doing my bit to provide it hkjsd

hope you all enjoyed!!

glossary:
ilhar - mother
i'ssuri - mom
ssin'urn - beautiful
alurlssrin - deep, unselfish love