Chapter 1: Depths of Fire - Maws of Hell
Chapter Text
‘’Pulse?’’
‘’Steadily declining - 60 - 52 - 40.’’
‘’Oxygen?’’
‘’Also declining - barely at 60 with 4 liters support - going down.’’
‘’Shit - come on, Joshua.’’
People talk about a warm white light in those moments. With the gates of heaven standing widely open - bright and brilliant in its holy sheen.
Warm and welcoming.
That was a lie.
One of his therapists had once told him that death is unique to everyone. Some might find comfort in those depictions of heaven - to others it would be friends and family welcoming them after a long day out. In a group session, one of the other kids said he hoped it would feel like falling asleep at a family gathering - with the voices of his family coming from the room next door as he cuddled up on the sofa, slowly drifting to sleep to the sound of cheers and chatter of the people he cherished most.
A beautiful image, Joshua had thought back then and despite hoping he would experience the same - he never did.
To him it was like fire and flames.
Stuffy air making it hard to breathe as darkness would slowly swallow him up like a beast devouring its prey. A hellhound opening its maw, bearing its teeth in front of him, painfully piercing his chest, his limbs, leaving a gaping wound in his stomach.
Despite it all - he never felt afraid, although the voices from the outside would echo through his head.
He could feel his existence slipping through his hands, those earthly ties being cut from the very tips of his fingers - each red string that had bound him to existence, cut with golden shears in the shapes of fiery wings.
The voices would drown out into silence until only the sound of his slowing heartbeat remained. A slow, unsteady hammering in his chest, slowing down as a bird made from fire rubbed its head against his face, until his heartbeat stopped entirely.
In those moments he’d float in complete darkness, engulfed by the warmth of fire and flames. A giant bird clad in feathers of orange and reds, yellows and browns with shimmers of emeralds and sapphires in its wings would wrap itself around him in a protective manner. Dispel that hellhound presenting its teeth.
He’d wrap his small arms around the bird’s beak and close his eyes.
Had it in his grip for mere seconds before a thundering bolt of lightning shot through his body.
That weak frame of his, convulsing with each shock.
The bird cried out in pain and as quickly as it had come to save him from that fiery beast in the depths of wherever he was - it was gone.
The voices were back.
An ocean of words, harsh waves washing over him and finally carrying him from that place back to the here and now.
He’d hear one last cry of the giant bird before he’d open his eyes - blinded by sheer white. Back in the light surrounded by life.
Hasty voices, hazy images blurring out of focus as he came back to himself.
His chest hurt.
His throat felt dry and tight.
‘’We got him back!’’
‘’...you see, Joshua, yesterday…’’
It was the same spiel as everytime this would happen.
His doctor would sit at the edge of his bed, his mother behind him with tears in her eyes.
The rest of his doctor’s words were drowned out by the sound of passing cars outside the window and the ticking of the clock on the wall.
It would be the same anyway…
His hands formed fists, shaking against his bed sheets.
‘’...again?’’
The image of the hellhound’s maw flashed through his head.
‘’Yes, Joshua. Again.’’
Dr. Rosfield gave him an odd smile, something feeling out of place in such a situation and yet comforting in its own cruel way.
‘’This has been the sixth time in only a few months.’’ Dr. Rosfield directed his words towards his mother, ‘’Perhaps it is time to talk about pallia-’’
‘’Outside.’’ his mother demanded with an icy ring in her voice, cutting off whatever his doctor was about to say.
The adults walked out and Joshua was left to himself. The silence of a creeping dusk accompanied by the hasty ticking of a clock. His mother acted as if Joshua didn’t know what all of this meant. Palliative Care. Of course he had heard that term before.
It’s that final mercy after a long battle - when they’d pump him full of pain killers as they’d watch his body wither away. At least that’s what one part of his brain tried to whisper sheepishly into his ears.
The other part was aware that palliative care didn’t mean imminent death. He had met kids his age going in and out of the palliative care system. Kids who recovered beyond needing palliative care, or kids who didn’t make it past the registration process. This whole dying thing had been part of his life ever since he could remember thinking a straight thought.
It was a genetic disorder.
No one really knew where it came from or what caused it. There was little to no research on it, as most patients wouldn’t make it past the age of 5. Joshua, in this case, was a golden exception. The holy grail to those very few doctors out there who were in fact researching his disease.
One of them - Dr. Clive Rosfield.
33 years old - specialized pediatrician - single.
It was quite beyond Joshua as to how a man this dreamy could still be single when both men and women - other doctors and nurses alike - would swoon for him behind his back. The first time he had felt it, he thought he would die. Blamed extra palpitations for that weird feeling in his chest. Maybe it was arrhythmia that caused these weird jumps in his chest. Then again, those only happened when their eyes would meet.
Joshua had been in his care as long as he remembered, used to call him older brother even when it was just them. When doctor Rosfield was still in med school and taking some exams, he’d spend his night shifts studying in Joshua’s room from time to time, when Joshua would feel lonely. Would sleep at the side of his bed and hold his hand when Joshua felt like dying was mercy from that horrendous pain.
Clive Rosfield was his everything.
A brother - his love - his tormentor - his savior.
His shaking fists relaxed, one hand wandering to the top button of his button-down pajama shirt. He knew it’d be there. Right above his heart, a large bruise flowering from purples and blues to yellows and greens.
His hands had been there, forcing life back into Joshua’s small chest. Part of the boy wished the bruise would remain forever so he could carry a part - an imprint - of his most beloved with him for eternity. A trophy for being alive, rewarded by an angel clad in white. As his fingertip brushed over the bruise, he could feel his heartbeat jump, a tightness in his chest tying his stomach into knots. His cheeks flushed red as he placed his hand atop the bruise. In his mind, they joined hands. Clive was right there. On his skin. Hidden beneath his sternum. Entangled between those fragile ribs. In every breath he took.
He was here because Dr. Rosfield had promised him.
From his first day of treatment to the last, Dr. Rosfield had been with him. Had been the guiding spirit and protective hand in Joshua’s young life. From a simple doctor to his friend - to something akin to a brother.
The harsh sound of skin against skin echoed from behind the door, all the way through the hallway of the ward. It ripped him from his thoughts - Joshua could feel the silence linger on his tongue before his mother’s voice would break it like thunder after lightning.
‘’How DARE you! I’ve always known you were a lurdan! A charlatan!’’
He could hear his mother spit from behind the shielding hands in front of his eyes. Embarrassment gleaming on his face, bright red.
‘’To think I’ve wasted what precious time Joshua has with a mope like you! I should’ve taken him out of this hospital AGES ago!’’
Her voice was strict and stern, unwavering and unrelentingly loud. Like a lioness roaring to defend her cub. It hadn’t been the first time his mother had grown louder in front of his doctors. Certainly not the first time she had told them she’d take him out of their care.
Yet certainly the first time she actually stuck to her words.
By the next day, Joshua’s release papers were signed and five hours later they sat in a plane to god knew where to seek better treatment. He was too tired to care as the ache in his chest reminded him of just how fragile he was.
This time, the pain did not only come from illness, no. Something else had caused that ache in his chest. Something that would tickle small tears out of the corners of his eyes as he leaned against the plane window, his mother too busy to notice as she was scanning over all the papers necessary to have him admitted to another hospital.
Joshua had survived once more and yet he knew, that day his mother had slapped Dr. Rosfield across the face, finally taking him out of the hospital as she had been meaning to do for so long, a part of him had died right then and there, hopefully forever remaining. Leaving one single trace of his existence in the only sphere he’d ever wandered. These hospital halls.
//I am gonna die.//
Chapter 2: Hey There, Doctor!
Chapter Text
His day had started just splendidly. Not.
Clive hadn’t noticed his alarm had gone off for the fourth time already until Torgal threw himself onto the bed to lick and paw him awake.
‘’Thank you, big guy.’’ he sighed once he had dragged his body into an upright position. Sleep clung heavy to his eyelids and yet all of it was forgotten the second he realized how late it already was.
Gone was the sleep in his eyes - hello tachycardia.
His morning consisted of coffee gone cold from yesterday - a sad attempt to keep himself awake past his shift to get at least some personal things done - and half a shave which resulted in an unfortunate cut on his chin.
No time for proper clothes right now - luckily he kept a spare pair of pants and a proper shirt at work for such occasions.
A tracksuit would have to do for the run to work, Torgal would be left with one of his neighbors. He couldn’t afford the extra minutes needed to drop his hound off at doggy daycare.
Yes - Torgal was well-trained and would never dare to make a mess when bored and unsupervised, yet Clive knew - just like every dog - Torgal was just a big puppy who enjoyed company. With how irregular his work hours were and with how spontaneously they could change throughout the day, Clive had worked out a little system to make sure he wouldn’t leave Torgal alone for too long. On days where there was just no time for doggy daycare or on days which he knew he wouldn't come home before closing hours, he had one of his neighbors who could take care of it. A kind young man from Sanbreque who was still in university - if he was busy, Gav would also often cover for Clive.
//Founder bless my friends.//
With his bleeding chin patched up by a colorful bandaid and Torgal taken care of, Clive started jogging towards work.
. . . and just so happened to catch every red light he could.
A quick glance at his wristwatch - fuck he was still going to be late.
At the first red light, rain started drizzling - at the second red light he noticed his shoelace had come loose - at the third red light, just as he kneeled down to tie it fixed again, the rain picked up suddenly, resulting in a quick yet very severe rainshower.
Ah yes, spring. As unpredictable as always.
Drenched to the bone - yet magically still on time - Clive had made it to work. His state however gained him quite the looks from both colleagues and patients at the same time.
‘’Looks like you took a shower on your way here, huh?’’ Tarja snarked in a playful manner from behind the counter where she was already reading reports from yesterday.
‘’Yeah, yeah, I’ll get changed in an instant…’’
The day couldn’t get much worse than this, could it?
With lady luck on his side, the day did indeed evolve to be better. He got a dry change of clothes down to his socks and underwear, doctor’s rounds went by quickly and without any trouble and soon he could take care of the outpatient clinic as he always did when working a short day shift.
There certainly was enough work to bury in to let this day go by quickly!
He yawned - he sighed - he let his head fall until his neck would catch on. One quick stretch - almost done for today! His cup of coffee, still warm and steaming earlier today, had gone cold by now, forcing a wave of bitterness over his tongue which almost made him gag. One more round in the microwave couldn’t make it any worse, could it?
‘’Dr, Rosfield, here are the last papers.’’ Maeve chimed in, handing him yet another stack of papers to work through before he could call it a day. ‘
’Thank you, Maeve.’’
He adjusted his glasses and tried to focus. Short shifts were as much of a blessing, as they could be a curse. Yes - one was out of work by 4 pm but it also meant one was responsible to manage the outpatient clinic. He’d see dozens of kids, tell their parents there was no need to hospitalize them, only to write a quick report about it and send them on their merry way again. He’d be here, he’d be there - respond to the pager whenever it went off. Despite the stress of seeing several dozens of patients today, some new, some well familiar, Clive felt at ease. Gav would be off the clock the same time as him and they’d be on their way to their favorite pub for a ‘Late afternoon Thursday Beer’. A tradition between them ever since they became friends on Gav‘s first day on the job.
‘’Oh, Maeve, do you have the vitals of Patient 5 on hand?’’
‘’Not yet but I’ll check again in a minute.
‘’Thank you.’’
Yes. The outpatient clinic was lots of work and mostly hectic but it kept him busy with enough work to make the day pass by faster.
He typed away and by the time he was done with his stack of papers, he was ready to go home - the taste of a fresh thursday beer already lingering on his tongue. Clive was about to slip out of his coat to put it where it would wait for him to return the next day, but his little ritual for leaving work had to wait a tad bit longer as the door opened once more.
‘’Ah! Dr. Rosfield!’’ Maeve stormed in once more. ‘’What a coincidence I still caught you!’’ she chuckled. ‘’There’s one last patient waiting in Office 02! 17 years old, brought a giant folder of his medical history.’’
Clive sighed.
‘’Is it urgent? Can someone else take over?’’
‘’I am sorry, Sir. You’re the only one open right now and definitely the only one usually taking on our late walk-ins… Do you want me to tell him to come back tomo-’’
‘’It’s fine. I’ll take him.’’ Clive sighed, although with a gentle smile.
What kind of doctor would he be to turn down a patient?
He cracked his neck, stretched his fingers - yawned once more before he made his way to the office Maeve had mentioned his patient was waiting in. The warmth of the late afternoon sun lingered between the brightly lit hallways, gently warming his toes which had been, although tugged away in his comfortable trainers, very cold ever since this morning. His thoughts pried from recollecting his morning for a moment as he tried to imagine what case would await him. A long medical history usually meant something more difficult, but perhaps it also was just going to be a talk about a possible treatment plan.
The door opened with an easy swing almost as if the gentle spring breeze from outside helped him from behind.
‘’I’m sorry for the wait, I was about to leave the office for today.’’ Clive apologized as he stepped in, his eyes on his shoes as he closed the door behind him.
And as he looked up and their eyes locked for a moment - that gentle, well-loved smile of his melted into the face of disbelief.
Right there in front of him he saw a face he had long thought dead.
Certainly he must be wrong.
It couldn’t be.
Could it?
Right there at the other side of the desk sat a boy with one leg crossed over the other, elegantly throning there as if he had always been here. His eyes reminded Clive of one of the nature photographs displayed on the third floor of this wing. Of turquoise-blue water slowly fading into green surrounded by orange sand and stones, with copper lashes framing the shape of his eyes. His hair wore that royal sheen, well-kempt strawberry blonde worn in a casual messy style. Soft freckles sprinkled all over his cheeks by the slowly stronger growing sun. Slender lips folded neatly against each other slowly growing into a gentle smile.
‘’Dr. Rosfield!’’
He had kept his composure until now, but to Clive it was obvious that, if it wasn’t for impeccable manners, the boy would’ve jumped up from his seat, straight into his arms. And to his surprise - Clive would have very much welcomed that too.
‘’J-Joshua?!’’
The face of disbelief lit up into a smile - perhaps the widest one had ever seen on Clive’s face before. He corrected his backup glasses - which he usually kept in the office - one last time to make sure his eyes were not deceiving him before he could move any further.
‘’The one and only.’’, Joshua chuckled, slightly flustered to see his former doctor’s bright reaction.
‘’Y-You- I thought- I was certain-’’
Clive was at a loss for words and people who really knew Clive, could tell he was about to cry by his slowly watering eyes.
‘’Certain I wouldn’t make it?’’
‘’N-No. That’s not what I meant- I just-’’
‘’It’s nice to see you too, Dr. Rosfield.’’
‘’Joshua…’’
Entering the office suddenly felt like coming home. His cold feet had instantly warmed - as had his chest, his heart eagerly beating from both surprise and bliss. He remembered the rift Joshua’s release from his care had left behind - how even months after his transferral, work didn’t quite feel as it always had. He had already spent a good part of his studies with Joshua’s case and even after he had earned his degree, Clive had continued his research on Joshua’s ailment rigorously.
He still remembered when Joshua was first admitted. By then his file was already incredibly thick for a boy his age. He remembered frightened yet brave eyes, clutching a pillow to his chest when they first met.
To see this boy grow past the age of five had already felt like a huge win to him back then, but having him stand in front of him at the age of 17 almost felt like a fever dream.
A far too pleasant fever dream.
‘’H-How about we catch up a little?’’
Chapter 3: Pieces Left Behind
Notes:
I AM SO SORRY IT TOOK ME SO LONG TO UPDATE THIS - WORK KEPT ME DRAINED
i am currently on vacation in japan and despite travelling, i get to write a lil more =w= <3
this AU actually came to mind during my last trip to japan in 2023!
Chapter Text
Right there at the other side of the desk sat a boy with one leg crossed over the other, elegantly throning as if he had always been here. His eyes reminded Clive of one of the nature photographs displayed on the third floor of this wing. Of turquoise-blue water slowly fading into green surrounded by orange sand and stones, with copper lashes framing the shape of his eyes. His hair wore that royal sheen, well-kempt strawberry blonde worn in a casual messy style. Soft freckles sprinkled all over his cheeks by the slowly stronger growing sun. Slender lips folded neatly against each other, growing into a gentle smile.
‘’Dr. Rosfield!’’
He had kept his composure until now, but to Clive it was obvious that, if it wasn’t for impeccable manners, the boy would’ve jumped up from his seat, straight into his arms. And to his surprise - Clive would have very much welcomed that too.
‘’J-Joshua?!’’
The face of disbelief lit up into a smile - perhaps the widest, one had ever seen on Clive’s face before. He corrected his backup glasses - which he usually kept in the office - one last time to make sure his eyes were not deceiving him before he could move any further.
‘’The one and only.’’, Joshua chuckled, slightly flustered to see his former doctor’s bright reaction.
‘’Y-You- I thought- I was certain-’’
Clive was at a loss for words and people who really knew him, could tell he was about to cry by his slowly watering eyes.
‘’Certain I wouldn’t make it?’’
‘’N-No. That’s not what I meant- I just-’’
‘’It’s nice to see you too, Dr. Rosfield.’’
‘’Joshua…’’
Entering the office suddenly felt like coming home. His cold feet had instantly warmed - as had his chest, his heart eagerly beating from both surprise and bliss. He remembered the rift Joshua’s release from his care had left behind - how even months after his transferral, work didn’t quite feel as it always had. He had already spent a good part of his studies with Joshua’s case and even after he had earned his degree, Clive had continued his research on Joshua’s ailment rigorously.
He still remembered when Joshua was first admitted. By then his file was already incredibly thick for a boy his age. He remembered frightened yet brave eyes, clutching a pillow to his chest when they first met.
To see this boy grow past the age of five had already felt like a huge win to him back then, but having him stand in front of him at the age of 17 almost felt like a fever dream.
A far too pleasant fever dream.
‘’H-How about we catch up a little?’’
-------------
[ Sorry, Gav. Won’t make it. Tomorrow?]
He typed with haste, contemplating his message for a second longer before underlining his apology with his trademark sticker of the Shiba Inu bowing its head.
Hours would pass which they spent sitting in Clive’s office.
They swapped between topics, from Joshua’s life now to the progress of his illness and then back to whatever else came to their minds. Their talk eventually took them to Clive’s private office at the clinic in order to not be in the way of the cleaning staff after the day clinic had long closed its doors to their regular patients.
As they stepped through those doors with which Joshua was more than well acquainted, that old familiar smell also filled his nose. Warmth – Comfort – A twinge in his chest.
Joshua had brought his entire files from the past six years, a treasure trove of potential knowledge and input.
Joshua’s illness was still a mystery to most of them, even to those few who were actively researching it.
So far there had been 5 active cases of it known across the world - neither of them growing past the age of 5, for one sole exception.
And said exception was suddenly back in his chair.
After six years of which Clive had thought him dead.
Catching up on all the small details felt like reaching a new zenith of everything known to him yet. With Joshua’s consent, Clive got to copy his files for his research. Although he had put down active research after Joshua was taken out of his care, he had continued researching it on the side, never really giving up on eventually finding remedies, or even a cure.
A rare mutation of the genes in which the body of a child would undergo self-destructive reactions with every growth spurt.
Liver failure, kidney failure, heart failure - they were only a few of many similar results this ailment caused. If treated correctly, the child could recover. If they recovered, the process happened suddenly and at an unexpectedly quick rate.
‘’Like a phoenix, reborn from its own ashes.’’
It was a sentence Clive had used in one of many medical press conferences he had attended to speak about his research which eventually granted the illness its name.
Phoeniceus pluma.
‘’So, after putting you on this, your lung function actually improved by 7,3%?’’ he muttered - partly towards the teen in front of him, partly to himself.
‘’Fascinating… How are you faring with your current meds?’’
Clive knew he’d be spending his evening bent over Joshua’s files only to regret staying up late the morning after.
The medical talk itself stretched out well over an hour and after that was done, there was still so much more to catch up on. Of course, one question remained burning on his mind.
‘’What about your mother? Does she know you’re meeting me?’’
The handprint Joshua’s mother had left that day still stung as if he had just been slapped once more and as if to soothe it, Clive’s hand went up to his cheek as he asked about her.
‘’She allowed me to visit Dion. I am looking into studying abroad. I get to finish a year early and a few universities here voiced interest in having me as their student.’’ Joshua explained with nonchalance on his face. ‘’After she had Olivier, her interest in me lessened and since I have been stable enough for a while now, she gave in to my request.’’
Clive remembered Dion. A young man back then, 21 if he remembered correctly. Occasionally, when Annabella did find her royal duties tying her down strictly, she’d send Dion to accompany Joshua. Although they were not related by blood, Clive found that he and Joshua seemed to share a bond as if they had always just been in each other's life. He remembered the genuine fear and worry on the man’s face when his little brother’s condition worsened, recalling the moment he’d ask with his thick sanbrequoix accent.
‘’Please, doctor. Be honest with me, will my little broth- will Joshua make it?’’
The name Olivier however, struck no memory in his mind. A part of Joshua’s life he had completely missed.
With curiosity in his eyes, lifting his eyebrows in a questioning manner.
‘’Olivier?’’
‘’Yes. My mother had another child. I think they put full hope in their shared son since Dion is a misfit in mother’s eyes and my place in the future too unstable.’’
Clive caught himself wanting to object yet swallowed his words. He knew Joshua’s ailment and yet, he was not his doctor anymore.
No one suffering from Phoeniceus Pluma had grown past the age of five. Rare as it was, there weren’t many cases. When it would break out it would often get misdiagnosed as something else before they could settle on a proper treatment plan.
And even if, not even Clive was able to save all the children which came to him.
Except Joshua.
‘’But we don’t like Olivier. We don’t talk about him.’’ Joshua chuckled.
‘’So, you’re living with Dion now?’’
‘’Right now, I am just visiting. I do plan on moving here though, if any of the universities take me.’’
Clive was not surprised Joshua was able to skip a year or two in his education - he had always been incredibly smart as a child and the time he spent in bed, Joshua would often dedicate to…
‘’Let me guess, history?’’
Joshua smiled.
‘’Correct! I am surprised you remembered.’’
‘’After all the countless history lessons you’d give me during your stays? ’’
Joshua laughed.
Gently - sweetly.
Like a gust of wind in early spring. A faint kiss of the sun after harsh winter.
As a child, Joshua would bury his nose in two kinds of books. Books on history and-
‘’One of the universities I have in mind also offers a course in ornithology.’’
‘’Of course.’’
Joshua had visibly grown and yet - not changed much at all. Clive remembered an endless sea of sketchbook pages filled with birds. What had started as botched specks of color and crude lines imitating bird feet, slowly grew into fine lines, pencil-etched shadows on thick art paper. Even at ten, Joshua’s eye for detail had long surpassed the norm for boys his age. Any detail Clive remembered about the boy was remarkable.
The small bird sticker on Joshua’s phone case didn’t go unnoticed either.
Still the same.
_______________________________________________
His heart weighed heavy as he got onto the bus, leaving yet another University behind. This entire thing he had planned was stupid. How would he ever find him in a city this big?
He had tried his old number. Had tried social media. Now he had moved to the same country and visited every University that offered the courses which he had mentioned back then.
A vicious cloud of doom loomed over him.
He paused his scrolling.
Reality set in.
Had he become a stalker?
Was he stalking his best friend?
After their ways had parted too early, with Terence moving to a country far from Sanbreque, Dion hadn’t heard from him since.
They had just started high school back then, Dion remembered the day as if it had been yesterday.
A warm, late-summer day, walking home side by side in silence.
Dion had begged his father to be allowed to attend the same school as Terence. Whereas both of them met starting a very private, very greagorian monastery school, Terence’s path took him to a boarding school next. It took great convincing on Dion’s behalf to get his father to agree to sign him up for the same.
The son of the noblest sanbrequian house - attending a regular high school?
Ludicrous.
To his surprise - it was his step mother who agreed to Dion’s idea. With her own son hospital-struck and pregnant with another child, one boy less to take care of certainly came in handy. To be fair, she never really had cared about Dion - he was more of a sore thumb on the hand she tried to gain above Sylvester - who happened to be blind to her antics - much to Dion’s dismay.
Thinking back to those times only caused him to sigh audibly, which gained him the glare of the elderly lady two rows ahead.
Right.
Back to his stalker-esque problem.
His mind remained blank, scrolling through his social media feed as a small notification popped up on his screen.
[[On my way home now - still alive, don’t worry.]]
Joshua’s nonchalant message only got his eyes rolling.
Swish - tap - beep.
Upon picking up, Joshua didn’t even have the slightest chance to speak up for himself.
‘’Would you finally mind telling me where you’ve been? You left your afternoon meds at home. Your mother is going to kill me if something happens.’’
There was silence on the other end.
He knew Joshua held his breath.
Another sigh to undo the spell, followed by words of apology.
‘’I am sorry, I didn’t mean to lash out like that. . .’’
‘’N-No... you’re right. I should’ve said something. I am sorry…’’
To Dion’s already tormenting annoyance, now he was also struck with guilt over talking to his brother this harshly.
‘’No, it’s okay.’’
He rubbed the bridge of his nose. His head had been aching for hours.
‘’I know you didn’t mean ill and you did tell me you’d be going out for a while. I just want you to tell me where you are next time, okay? Don’t force me to track your phone like your mother does.’’
‘’Yikes - don’t you dare.’’
There he was - the Joshua he was used to.
‘’Listen, I am still out. Using my day off to get some business sorted out.’’
‘’Any luck yet?’’
Of course Joshua knew.
. . .
‘’Not yet. . .’’
Dion was twelve when he first met Joshua. Small and skinny, sickly and shy, the boy hid behind his mother who protected him like a lioness would protect her cub. Back then he wasn’t aware of just how deep she had sunk her claws into her boy. Joshua was but seven years old back then, hardly spoke their language and spent most of his days bound to bed. If he was even here.
His mother would often take him abroad to see a specialist for his condition, and yet none of those times abroad were a hindrance to their bond.
Both unsure if they even understood each other, using hands and feet alike, soon grew together as if they were brothers by blood. As if Joshua had just always been there. Dion finally could be the proud older brother he always had longed to be when he saw Terence fawning over his little foster sibling as well.
‘’I left some bread out and there’s leftovers from yesterday’s dinner if you get hungry. I’ll have to walk off my frustration before I come home, but you better already start thinking about what you’re going to tell me about where you’ve been all day once I am home. I expect answers. Honest ones.’’
Dion’s tone had changed from serious to caring, right back to serious and ended on a more playful note.
‘’Understood.’’
Finally, a smile.
‘’Good boy.’’
The call ended and Dion was back to his social media feed. Pictures of friends, old and new - some on holidays right now, some just posting about their daily life. For a moment he considered typing his own status but an ad caught his attention first.
//A... zoo? //
Dion would’ve absolutely scrolled past it if it wasn’t for the next slide of the ad, showing their reptilian section.
All ticket-revenue would go to a foundation which helped endangered animals around the planet - and said zoo had a contract with one of their local universities for research and possible rehabilitation options for some of their kept species.
The concept sounded good and Dion was in dire need for a little pick-me-up, after having asked around for Terence across different universities and coming up empty handed, again and again.
//It would be just a small detour…//
He flipped to the next page of the ad and spotted one of those rare skinks he was obsessed with.
//That’s it, I am sold. Skink time. //
Considering it was past school hours and a weekday, the small zoo was quite empty. There was a class of students working on a biology project post-lessons and some elderly people strolling at their own leisure.
The reptilian section wasn’t big, yet decently kept – as an avid lover of lizards, Dion had spent quite some time doing his own research. To his, admittedly very high standards, all the sizes of the enclosures were more than decent.
Most species were kept free roaming and only those who required stricter conditions were kept in perfectly sized enclosures. The sight of those scaly creatures eased some of his headache and that twinging behind his chest – thoughts of his yet unsuccessful search only surfacing again as he reached the end of the reptilian section. Before he could leave the vicinity however, Dion was stopped by an elderly staff member.
The woman wore the same uniform the animal keepers wore yet her hat was adorned with a small plush lizard for décor and her hands were filled with flyers. Only after a closer look did Dion notice the wheel of fortune behind her.
“Good day, Sir! Please step closer, try your luck! We currently holding an event where you can win small prize – everyone with Full-Day Ticket can enter!’’
Although a bit hesitant in the first moment Dion soon warmed up to the thought of joining the fun.
It was clear as day from his looks that he was a foreigner – and while he had started diligently studying the language he was still far from proficient, sounding more like a caveman, than a prince.
Thus, when this friendly lady went out of her way to address him in a tongue foreign to her, how could he refuse such kindness?
Besides, being surrounded by the creatures he loved so dearly had lifted his mood, too.
Swept up by the charming woman’s advertise talk he spun the wheel and watched – much to his surprise - as the needle stopped at the rainbow coloured “1. Price”
‘’Congratulations, young man!’’ the woman cheered, happily clapping her hands.
She walked behind her little booth and grabbed a slip of paper. “You win a private “Meet the Animal” Tour!”
The woman handed him said slip which showed a drawing of a stylized Zoo Keeper showing a shiny lizard to a visitor.
The bi-lingual text spoke of a one-hour tour with expert staff to meet the animals up close.
“You can even bring a friend, family member or your girlfriend!” the woman added with a smile.
“The possible dates for the tour are on backside of the slip,” she began to explain, her face changing to a more serious look.
With apology in her eyes she noted, “Our expert staff is already off for this week. He will be back on the usual hours noted on your coupon after next Monday.”
He still hadn’t found Terence but at least Dion had found peace in the thought of being able to meet some of the lizards he had seen earlier.
If it wasn’t for his very demanding job he would already have gotten himself a scaly little friend a long time ago.
The daylight was already fading into dusk when he walked past the zoo gates, still empty handed on Terence, but 500Gil lighter over a skink figure for his desk from a toy capsule machine.
His eyes fell onto his prize slip one last time before he stored it in his wallet – at least he had gained one thing today. Before he’d make his way home he texted Joshua.
[[ coming home now.]]
With the pudding spoon still hanging from his lips, Joshua watched his phone’s screen light up. He read Dion’s message which was displayed in a small popup held up by a cartoon bird. Joshua’s reply was held short and simple in the shape of a bird sticker – a chibi version of a phoenix folding its wings into a thumbs up position.
[[ I am getting cream puffs – same as usual?]]
Another bird sticker – this time animated to bow its head.
[[ thanks! when will you be home?]]
[[ 30 minutes]]
Dion attached a sticker of a rushing dragon and Joshua put down his phone.
His stomach had been taut all day – first knotted in ties then simply undone, shape shifting into butterflies in the pit of his stomach before leaving him feel almost empty after their ways had parted once more.
30 minutes was enough to get showered before Dion would come home – perhaps that would ease his restlessness.
Steam already filled the bathroom, naked feet sensitive to the cool sensation of the marble floor as he looked at himself in the large bathroom mirror. The bright light from the mirror’s frame left no detail unseen. Every blemish of his skin, each freckle and mole – every single scar.
His hand wandered up to his chest, trembling fingers hesitantly connecting with skin before gliding over old scar tissue. How faint it had grown – that piece of art Dr. Rosfield had etched into his skin in order to safe his life. Four open heart surgeries, all within the span of but a few days. A current ran through his body as skin met skin, the soft ridges of his scar like electricity against his fingertips.
His eyes closed as a hum escaped his lips – visions of Dr. Rosfield filled his mind.
That gentle smile – the version of his doctor Joshua had kept in his mind all these years slowly began to shift. Faint wrinkles around his eyes, the pair of glasses on his nose. That voice which spoke his name with so much love and care.
“Joshua…” it echoed through his mind as he began to relax.
The further down the line of his scar, the further marched his thoughts. Memories of the talk they’ve had earlier replaying in his mind.
It was a faint whisper from his lips, words Joshua didn’t even notice he spoke.
“Dr. Rosfield… Clive…”
The unease from earlier vanished as another – well known – tautness filled his stomach, slowly slipping lower with every image of the man he loved so much. Goosebumps on his skin told of the arousal he felt as he traced his finger up and down his old surgery scares.
Pieces of art.
His personal treasure.
Trophies of devotion.
__________________________________
“Merci, Terence! I am sorry I am once again late!”
Clive apologized with a sigh as Torgal tried to force his way between his thighs. Although already old, his little wolf had remained a puppy at heart, still greeting his master with the same vigour as he used to when he was but a pup.
‘’Not a problem at all, Mr. Rosfield! I told you I am off work for the rest of the week to finish my assignments for university. Picking up Torgal from the doggy day care and taking him home with me is always a joy, isn’t it Torgal?” the young man replied with a smile.
The evening was still young and yet the sun had already fully vanished behind the horizon by the time Clive had reached his apartment complex. Terence was one of his neighbours, a few floors beneath his own apartment and as someone who was also not local to this bustling city, one of the first few neighbours Clive had befriended after moving here.
Terence was a student in his late twenties, part-timing at the reptilian department of a local zoo. As a general friend of dogs and as someone used to dogs of a bigger size compared to the much smaller ones one might see around in this city, Terence had offered to take care of Torgal occasionally at some point during one of their elevator-talks. Since then the young man and the hound had become good friends and Terence would often cover for Gav or Jill as a last resort of when Clive was bound to the hospital for longer shifts and surgeries.
‘’I hope he behaved accordingly! Have you, Torgal?’’
Half spoken to Terence, half spoken to said canine Clive gave Torgal a few pets, his question gaining him a bark in reply.
‘’Good boy!’’
Spent from the long day, Clive wrapped up their conversation and waved Terence goodbye as he walked back to the elevator – Torgal right by his side. The hound’s nose was eagerly pressing against the man’s cross-body bag, sniffing at a scent faintly familiar.
“Believe me Torgal, I am just as surprised as you are.’’ Clive chuckled as he thought about the neatly arranged stack of Joshua’s medical files inside his bag. Everything still felt much too unreal – too good – to be true. Joshua Lesage – alive and well. All grown up, tall and handsome as Clive had always hoped he’d be one day. His heart was still overwhelmed with all this new information.
Joshua was alive where he had thought him dead.
It was as if someone had tied a knot into his windpipe – had put heavy rocks into his stomach.
Once he had made it past the threshold of his front door, Clive sank to his feet. With Torgal eagerly sniffing and pawing at him to check if his owner was alright, he buried his face in the wolf’s thick fur.
“He’s alive…”
It was the first time in forever that he felt something.
As if his heart had suddenly thawed from the ice Joshua’s departure from his care had left behind, the emotions he felt were overwhelming.
“Founder, thank you.”
His voice was weak and yet faint prayers could be heard from the depths of Torgal’s fur.
“He’s alive.”
As if being torn apart alive, Clive tried to bear the feeling, face his emotions head on as tears flowed freely. Where Torgal’s fur couldn’t absorb them, some skated down his cheeks, staining his shirt dark where they dropped off his chin. Torgal did his best to support his master, nuzzling his head against Clive where he could until the man found the strength to sit back up.
Faint prayers had faded into silent sobs until the tears of joy and relief had dried. He felt the weight of today’s stress in his very bones and yet it was as if an invisible hand was guiding him. As if possessed – a scientist gone mad – did Clive grab his bag and pulled out Joshua’s files. His heartbeat quickened, thundering against his eardrums as his heart felt every emotion at the same time. A blinding light of sensations so strong it almost numbed him again.
Almost manically, he flipped through those pages Joshua had prepared for him.
For him and him alone.
The fruits of his labour laid out in detail – only now did he notice that the medicine adjustments in Joshua’s files were his own.
One of the doctors from overseas he had been collaborating with for all these years had in fact been treating Joshua!
A foolishly hopeful voice had once spoken that thought to him years ago. An idea he had had a hard time burying again after sparing him some long-lost traces of hope.
“All these years I was blind…”
As Clive reached the last few pages of the files he came across a little note. Written on a – what else – bird shaped sticky note, Clive found another message Joshua had left him.
Written beneath the string of numbers making up a phone number, Clive could read Joshua’s neat handwriting with ease.
[[Please call me if you have any further questions.]]
Chapter 4: Dots Connected
Notes:
i busted this one out during a six hour writing session at a small reading café in Shibuya, it was awesome.
mwha goes out to my brother for putting up with beta reading this and helping me refine things <3
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
It had been pouring for days. Rain season was still a good two months away and yet it had been raining on and off for the past few days. None of that could harm his spirits however – Clive had been in top form ever since he had found out Joshua was still alive. Things had changed so suddenly and even the nurses and fellow doctors on his unit had noticed.
“You look well today, Clive.” Tarja mentioned with a chuckle over her steaming cup of coffee. A rare luxury among their usual busy days. Work days always felt a little slower during the rain, a very welcome feeling to anyone working in the healthcare sector.
‘’I am.’’ Clive replied simply.
‘’So, it’s true what I’ve been hearing? The Lesage kid is still alive?’’
A mere mention of his name – a trace of his existence – was enough to bring a gentle smile onto Clive’s face. He nodded in reply before taking his own cup of coffee closer to his face. Before his lips connected with the cup that read “Best Mom Award” he spoke up.
“He visited me in the office last week. Apparently, he’s looking into studying here.”
Joshua had told him of the universities he had had in mind – all of them prestigious and considering the boy’s wit, none of his choices were a surprise to Clive. Even at ten, Joshua had been incredibly smart for a boy his age and an evaluation done during one of his stays had already granted him place in a class above the usual.
“Who would’ve thought.”
They all had witnessed the spectacle around Joshua’s treatment. The Ups, the Downs, the countless verbal fights with the boy’s mother Clive had had to navigate through. Everyone from the core team of the unit had at least one funny Joshua story to tell. Clive was about to elaborate further on the topic as the door of the breakroom opened and another familiar face walked in. With the same grin as usual and the trademark vibrato of his low voice, Cid entered the scene.
“Good morning, sunshine! Good morning, buttercup! I’ll leave it to you two to decide who is who.”
Tarja rolled her eyes while Clive only grunted in return.
“Good morning to you too, Dr. Charmless.”
“You wound me, Tarja.”
A cup that read “Heartbreaker” joined theirs on the table as Cid scooted onto the bench, next to Clive.
Cidolfus Telamon – otherwise known as Dr. Heartbreak – or as Clive liked to call him – Cid The Sod. 44 years old, leading cardio specialist. Popular with the men and women both inside and outside of the hospital.
“So? Who’s going to give this old man a small update – can’t find Gav anywhere right now and usually he’s the one to serve the latest tea.”
“Oh, Jill has him tight in her grip at the moment. Staff is short in ortho right now so she gets all the med assistants. I think he’s turned into her slave during your absence, you’ll have to put up an iconic battle if you want him back.’’ Tarja joked.
Cid’s face melted into a gentle smile which shone light on his true age, by accenting the soft wrinkles on his face. No one was surprised how Cid could charm half the hospital with a mug like that. There were only few who could resist it.
“Remember Joshua Lesage?” Tarja began, giving Clive a quick glance in case he wanted to take over.
“Who could forget him.” Cid chuckled.
“Well, he paid me a visit last week. Against all doubts, he’s still alive.”
There still was a hint of surprise that could be caught in Clive’s voice, the disbelief still stark in his bones despite knowing better. If it wasn’t for his files or the sticky note left on the last page of them, Clive would have been convinced it was all a dream. Another fragment of that undying hope which had him kept going all these years.
“No way – he was here?”
Cid’s face twisted in disbelief as he adjusted his position, his face inching closer to Clive’s.
“Didn’t his mother take him out of our care against all recommendations?”
Although Cid’s words stung, Clive gulped down the sour feelings he carried for that woman and nodded along silently. His face stayed professional – so did his body language.
“Yes. He’s looking into studyi- “
“F I N A L L Y!”
Once more the door swung open, interrupting Clive mid-sentence, as another familiar face entered the breakroom, followed by Dr. Warrick.
“Gav!”
“Cid!”
The blonde man’s face lit up with joy resembling that of a puppy seeing its owner after an hour of absence. In their usual playful demeanour, Gav dramatically scooted into Cid’s open arms, having his head cradled like a kid.
“Jill’s been working me like crazy! Save me, Cid!” Gav complained theatrically, his voice a mixture between playfulness and actual relief.
“Come on, Gav. I am not that bad!” Jill chimed in.
And as the breakroom filled with laughter, coffee cups clunked together as if they were sitting in a bar with each other.
“Don’t worry, I am back and I am going to rightfully reclaim you.”
While Gav had no comfort of a fixed unit to work at, all of the hospital felt like home to him. As medical assistant he’d often switch between fields wherever he was needed most - whether it’d be ortho or cardio, urology, oncology or even sometimes paediatrics. Just like Cid he was well-liked among the colleagues all over the hospital as he was a solid source of intel about the latest topics and rumours going about the facility.
“Good to have ye back, man.” Gav sighed. “Don’t you dare go on vacation ever again, aye!”
“Certainly, won’t be for a while again but you know how it is, if I don’t make some time for Mid when she’s home I am a dead man.’’
Their chatter switched topic for a moment as Cid gave them an update on his daughter. Although adopted, Cid had cared for the girl as if she was his own.
Incredibly talented and smart, Cid had fought with himself long and hard, but finally reached the decision to let her pursue her dream of becoming an engineer, and had her signed up for a boarding school a little further from the city.
The first few weeks without her had him almost crazy, texting her back and forth, making sure his little girl was alright all alone without her papa.
“Speaking of prodigies – Clive was about to tell me something about the Lesage ki- Joshua.” Cid hauled the topic back in.
“Right! Can you believe it? The boy’s still alive and even showed up last week!” Gav chimed.
Of course, Clive had already told him.
“Wish I could’a seen him myself! Would’ve loved to catch up with ‘im.”
Clive filled them all in a little more on what Joshua had told him, and about some developments surrounding his health as they were all more than keen on hearing more.
By the time Cid’s pager went off, they all knew their rest wouldn’t continue much longer. Usually one pager going off meant another one was going to beep not long after. As he got up, Cid emptied his cup in one go and lifted the spell of their cosy round.
Jill’s pager was the next and where she went – Gav did too. At least for today.
Left behind were Tarja and Clive who briskly finished their own cups before deciding to get back to work. While Clive had no active cases right now, he was left to do some more office work which gave him the chance to flip through Joshua’s files once more.
Back at his desk he glanced over them, his eyes remaining stuck on the bird-shaped sticky note.
[[ Please call me…]]
As if Joshua’s had said these words himself they echoed through his mind, and yet tempting as it was, Clive couldn’t help but feel hesitant about it.
He already felt himself getting attached to the case - a thing he had long worked on putting aside. He had only just reclaimed this spot of freedo-
// What am I thinking? //
____________________________________________
A sigh fell of Joshua’s lips as he stared onto the dark screen of his phone.
“Stupid thing…” he whispered to himself with another sigh as he threw it into the other corner of the giant leather sofa he was currently lounging on.
Still in his sleepwear, a much-too-big shirt depicting feathers, and his favourite pair of shorts – he didn’t feel like getting dressed at all.
They had planned on spending the full first week after his arrival together and yet it was as if their mother had orchestrated their separation from afar, by giving Dion one task after the other. As rightful heir to the throne of Sanbreque he was supposed to manage their country at his father’s side. Yet the influence of his mother only granted him a spot as connection point between embassies, as a fellow ambassador. Anything to keep Dion out of the house and far away from their pride and joy.
Olivier.
Despite the ill intent behind his mother’s plan, Dion felt a blessing in her actions by giving him the space he needed to breathe. Even if work had kept him busy.
What Joshua was really frustrated about however, was not Dion’s absence. Much rather it was the lack of a message he had hoped to get from his doctor. He was aware Clive was a busy man - he had seen the toll such a busy job naturally put on someone else since he grew up alongside the man, and yet he had imagined it all a little different.
He had just sworn to himself to give things a little more time to develop, to kick back and relax a little instead of getting his hopes up too hig-
At the buzzing sound of his vibrating phone, Joshua threw himself into the other corner of the sofa, grabbing his phone as if his life depended on it. The screen lit up and revealed a message.
From Dion.
He sighed.
[[ I’m almost done with work over here. We could grab dinner together – I’ll show you my favourite spot.]]
Dion had only recently moved to the city himself, merely had a head start of a few months, and yet he already seemed to fit in with this city so well. The district his apartment was in certainly was known for all its luxury stores and dining places – whenever Joshua walked down the huge main street one designer shop after the other would line the street’s sides. Fashionable as Dion was, he blended in naturally. And yet Dion had remained one of the most down to earth people, Joshua knew.
[[Sounds good!]]
[[I am sorry, Joshua. I wish things were a little different.]]
[[It’s all good. We’ll get to spend some time once I move here.]]
His message was followed by a sticker of two birds cuddling up with each other.
[[I might head out a little, just text me when you’re done!]]
A dragon giving thumbs up was Dion’s reply.
Although still sluggish, Joshua eventually managed to get off the sofa and into the bathroom. This time the heated marble floor felt nice against his bare feet. His hair was a mess yet easy to fix, strawberry-blonde curls falling perfectly with a few simple shakes and adjustments done by raking his fingers through his hair. It still felt strange – the mere thought to be able to move about the city all on his own.
The claws his mother had dug into him over all these years certainly had left their marks. Not only due to his sickness but also due to the strict supervision of his mother, Joshua had had a very sheltered life. All this sudden freedom felt like another shackle tying him down, bringing uncertainties with it Joshua had never thought of having to face before.
Back in Sanbreque he’d spend day in, day out within the castle walls. Dion had once dubbed him ‘The Bird in the golden cage’ due to his own fascination over the feathery creatures.
They had always interested him and even as a kid he’d stick his nose into books on ornithology no matter how hard. When reading about them wasn’t enough he had started to begin to watch and draw them from his spot on the spacious windowsill of his bay window, back at the castle. He had arranged the spot into a nest of his own.
When Dion moved abroad it had been an importance of his to make sure his new apartment also offered space for Joshua, if he’d ever needed a place to stay.
In a city this modern, his new room didn’t come with a bay window, but he did enjoy the night time city view from his bed. Being home schooled all his life had come with the opportunity to enjoy higher education fit for his personal level, allowing him to skip two classes and finish mandatory classes early. Another reason for being so diligent in his studies was the hope of studying abroad… to see him again…
‘’We’re both crazy…’’ he sighed, thinking how both Dion and he had come to this city to reconnect with people from their past.
Once finally dressed, Joshua dared to check his phone one last time before heading out – a hopeful glance on an empty screen.
Nothing.
Despite the rain the streets were filled with umbrellas of all kinds – all different sizes and colours conjuring an almost dreamlike painting, through the blur of his tired eyes. A few blinks and blurred lines became clear once more, as a wave of nausea wreaked its way through his body.
It passed quickly - it usually did. All ready again within a short moment, Joshua continued his way down the streets. Dion had mentioned a large bookstore close by, perhaps he’d be able to find some easy reading material to ease himself back into the language.
The hospital he was getting treated at back then was owned by a leading university, the main language spoken there was English and yet, being in a foreign land, Joshua had tried to learn the language still. After his mother had brought him back to Sanbreque at ten, his vocabulary remained that of a child. Memories of studying the language with Dr. Rosfield filled his body with warmth. It was with a fond smile that he recalled those many evenings trying to converse with Dr. Rosfield in a language so very strange and different to him.
Fond thoughts were interrupted when he spotted a couple inside a shop, as he was walking past one of the many luxury brand stores. A person with unusual hair colour, which he had thought to be a woman at first revealed herself to be a young man.
Silver hair, an elegant braid gracing one side of his face, as he presented an expensive suit to another man, seated on a leather chair. Letting his thoughts wander, Joshua couldn’t help but wonder about them. The age gap was apparent and even though they made a strange couple, they looked happy in each other`s company.
Perhaps a trace of envy harshly forced itself down his throat as he watched them. Both men looked to be foreigners too, and while the other was still busy presenting his suit, the other man watched him with a gentle fondness on his face. Joshua couldn’t shake the feeling that he had seen both of these men before and yet, nothing in his memories would light up as he tried to force a memory.
// Time to move on. //
___________________________________________________
By the time Clive’s shift finished, his thoughts had ventured back and forth between his work on hand and Joshua’s files.
There were so many questions in his head – questions he’d love to ask and yet he found himself holding back on asking them. Perhaps it was a sense of professional discretion, perhaps it was something else nestled deep behind his chest which held him back from messaging the young man. He was about to wrap things up, his work laptop already shut off as he was going through some other files one last time, making sure they were in their spot and ready to be worked on again tomorrow. It wasn’t without one last knock on the door that he could leave his office however.
‘’Dr. Rosfield, I am so sorry to bother you when you’re about to leave but-‘’
As much as he had told himself to stop taking on walk-ins at the end of his shift, his heart just couldn’t abide those self-setup rules.
‘’Don’t worry Maeve, I am on it.’’ He smiled, readjusting the coat he was about to take off.
‘’It’s Joshua Lesage again.’’ She filled him in with details he was surprised she already had.
‘’He’s in UC?’’
‘’Yes, he came in with a headache – if it was up to him he wouldn’t have come in in the first place, but his brother insisted on him seeing a doctor. I figured you’d be the best call…’’
‘’Thank you, Maeve.’’
Clive hurried to the urgent care sector with the same haste as he did with every patient, and yet he felt that same pressure he had last felt years ago. A kind of pressure he’d never show on his face. With the same smiles as usual, Clive shoved the curtain aside and was met with a more than familiar sight.
‘’Dr. Rosfield- ‘’ Dion spoke up the second he set his eyes on the man.
‘’Mr. Lesage.’’ – ‘’Dion, please.’’ ‘
Dion, then.’’
He nodded his head towards Joshua with the same smile.
‘’Joshua, Maeve mentioned you’re having a headache?’’
He noticed Joshua was about to speak, as Dion took the lead.
‘’Joshua is about to downplay the issue, but believe me, Dr. Rosfield, I wouldn’t drag him here if I wasn’t sure that something was off.’’
Making sure to address them both, Clive listened to what Dion had to say, before once more directing his words at his patient.
‘’It’s alright - even if it was nothing, I am always glad to see you, Joshua.’’
Joshua, who had been sitting with his head held low until now, finally looked at Clive.
There were no further words needed - Joshua was in pain, that much he could already tell.
And yes, Joshua would be about to downplay the issue.
‘’I see they’ve already done the labs and ordered a CT. While I personally also do think a CT would be best, I don’t think a CT is absolutely necessary to find out what’s wrong. How are you feeling about this?”
When Clive had learned one thing about treating teenagers and young adults with difficult illnesses, it was that asking about their boundaries was one of the best things one could do. to make them feel comfortable and actually included in their treatment. While he gave Joshua time to answer, Clive already did the usual neurological checks which were routinely done in such situations – Joshua following them just as he had always done. A well worked-out routine between them, pieces amiss for so long, finally reunited again.
All of it seemed normal so far.
‘’I-It’s fine.’’ Joshua nodded, the lack of words once more a significant indicator to the levels of pain he was in.
Even as a child, Joshua’s pain resistance had been incredibly high, and he was prone to hiding most of his aches and pains.
The past had also taught Clive that it wasn’t an act of toughness Joshua was pulling, but rather an attempt of deciding things for himself – an urge any patient with a chronic illness felt, in their strive for more agency.
‘’Alright, then let’s get you scanned!’’
It was all routine work and even though his patient was Joshua, Clive remained professional. Considering the difficulty this entire case had brought with it, Clive was honestly surprised how simple easing back into all of this was. So little seemed to have changed.
After about 20 minutes things were done and Clive was relieved to see no signs of a possible stroke, or thrombosis, as he had considered and feared first – the Founder be blessed.
‘’Let’s address the most important thing first – it is nothing serious.”
A sigh of relief rolled over Dion’s lips, his posture finally relaxing a little as he had anxiously held onto his coat ever since Clive had first spoken to them.
‘’I’d like to adjust your meds a little however.’’
Considering Joshua had been stable with his medication the past few years, the decision did not come easy. Where he usually took sides with the ‘Never touch a running system’ stance, in Joshua’s case, he knew how tricky the entire meds situation was.
‘’I always like to say Phoeniceus pluma has a temper of its own. Its symptoms are like mood swings. They come suddenly – develop quickly, leave behind chaos and lift just as quickly as they come.’’
Clive recalled the medical press conference he had first made those claims.
‘’With those ‘mood swings’ comes the difficulty in adjusting the medication needed, accordingly. What works one week could stop working the week after. Patient X is very lenient with me and handles those frequent changes in medication well, but I’ve also come across situations in other patients where this wasn’t the case.’’
In the past, Joshua’s treatment adjustments happened during close supervision on ward – changing them in an ambulant setting came with its risks.
‘’It’s not a dramatic change, I’d just like to lower the dose of a certain medication as I feel your sudden change in diet might have affected your weight, making you prone to react more easily to its side effects if not dosed correctly.’’
The adjustment itself, calculating the correct dosages, and working through it all once more, just to be sure, was done quickly.
‘’I am also going to prescribe you a painkiller to take until the adjustment takes effect. If you don’t mind I’d like to see you again in three days.’’
Clive had remained professional until their eyes met once more. Joshua had faced the ground mostly due to his headache, avoiding the bright light of the clinic setting.
‘’Three days, gladly.’’ Joshua forced himself to speak, still plagued by the pain, yet feeling at ease in his doctor’s care.
‘’Thank you, Dr. Rosfield.’’ Dion chimed in, bowing his head lightly to underline his words. A custom he had picked up on in the past few months living here.
‘’No need to thank me – I will always be there for Joshua.’’ He chuckled, adjusting the glasses on the bridge of his nose. Joshua’s voice echoed through his head, 8 years old, clinging to his doctor after a tough night spent in pain.
‘’Nii-san is always there for me…’’ the boy had whispered in his sleep.
Joshua felt a wave of warmth wash over him, a sanctuary of comfort found in Clive’s eyes. His pain forgotten almost immediately at the thought of his future appointment with the man.
Their paths separated not long after and Clive was left to himself in the silence of his office. Only now did the tension of this last appointment reveal itself to him.
His shoulders felt stiff and his breathing was shallow, causing him to feel lightheaded for a second until he took a proper, deep breath.
He gave himself a moment before he allowed that wave of self-doubt to wash over him.
Was his adjustment correct?
Should he have looked further into it?
It was something he also hadn’t felt in years, which also naturally came with treating a case as rare as Joshua’s.
A case with barely any statistics, studies, or research papers to go by.
Hell, most of the data available on this disease came from his own hands – and with Joshua being the first patient to reach this age, Clive had to figure it all out on the go…
He’d inform Joshua’s current physician about the adjustment – perhaps he should have done that before he had made those adjustments, a tiny voice of doubt whispered into his ear as he booted up his laptop once more.
Dark was the night when he finally left the office. Due to the different time zones, a reply from Joshua’s physician came quite quickly and to Clive’s relief, he found a voice of reason in the man.
“Thank you for informing me about the recent development, I too would have suggested a reduction of said medication. I am certain Mr. Lesage is in best hands under your care.’’
Clive had to read that last part of the message a few more times, before he could feel at ease and finally call it a day.
. . . though his heart felt, as if it had been torn to shreds – doubt had raked its ugly claws through his every being.
Being in this situation, as the leading physician, was both blessing and curse – two sides of a coin he was forced to flip, again and again.
Part of him longed to care for Joshua – desired to make sure no harm would befall the boy, and grateful to be the one who was allowed to make all these decisions.
To be the one, allowed to choose the direction.
The other part, however, was desperate for some relief…
Relief he would never get, as long as he was tied to this case.
When it came to research of this disease he had made it to the top.
There were many fellow doctors who looked at him with envy – who strived to reach the same level of fame in whatever field they specialized in.
And yet he, who had made it to the top, felt how lonely and frightening it could be to stand here all alone.
Rare as these cases were, all doctors specializing on this worked together closely – and no matter what happened, the others knew they could depend on Clive’s experience and expertise.
. . . but whom could he turn to, but himself?
Lonely and scary it was – standing here, at the summit of this mountain he had chosen to climb…
He knew most of his unrest came from the darkest corner of his very self.
A part of him that he had shunned for years as this darkness harboured feelings it should have never developed to begin with.
‘’Founder, what am I to do?’’
_________________________________________
Dion pressed the elevator button once, then twice – a third time for the charm and a fourth time out of pure impatience.
‘’It’s not going to come any faster if you press again.’’ Joshua said, his voice weak from the pain, forcing a smile through gritted teeth. His words fell on deaf ears as Dion began to button smash, his stomach in a coil from the still lingering fear.
‘’How are you? Is it getting better?’’ he asked instead of reacting to Joshua’s initial comment.
Oh, how he hated to see worry painted over his brother’s face.
‘’It’s getting better.’’ he lied, another smile – a little less forced this time.
‘’How about we order takeout instead? You’ll rest and we can eat together once you feel better, alright?’’
‘’Sounds like a plan.’’
Dion gave the elevator button one final smash before the door gently opened on its own. Although built for speed, the elevator could take a while in a 60-story high building. The remaining way to their apartment was a blur to Joshua, only regaining consciousness after his back had hit the softness of his bed’s mattress with a loud sigh.
Dion had dimmed the lights, shaken up the pillows and draped the comforter over Joshua gently after having helped him with undressing.
‘’You get that sweet rest, little pest.’’ he chuckled, brushing a loose curl of strawberry blonde out of the boy`s face. It gained him a genuine chuckle, with Joshua nestling his head further into the softness of his pillow.
‘’There you go,’’ Dion chimed as he handed him his favourite plush. Although worn out throughout all these years, the plush dog, which had always seemed to resemble a wolf more than a dog, was clearly well cared for. Any rips mended with utmost care. It had been Joshua’s favourite ever since Dr. Rosfield had gifted it to him. ‘
’Toralf, all warmed up for you.’’
It was one of those special plush animals which one could heat up in the microwave, so they would spend some extra comfort in those dark, endless-seeming nights in the hospital. Joshua’s whine sounded almost pathetic which brought a chuckle to Dion’s lips.
‘’Thank you, Dion…’’
‘’Nothing to thank me for. Get some rest now, will you?’’
‘’I will.’’
And before Joshua’s consciousness faded out again, his thoughts got stuck on his doctor once more.
The mere image of the man made his heart beat faster, feeling as if he was about to pass out.
Was he dying?
His hands started to wander once more without really noticing. A habit he had developed without noticing.
As if to soothe himself, he let his finger brush over another scar Dr. Rosfield had left on him so many years ago. With every ridge his finger passed, it was as if he could feel the man’s hand still on his chest, forcing the life back into his body over and over again.
Not once had the man given up on him, even when Joshua himself couldn’t find any hope in his existence any longer.
His doctor was unaware that his sole existence had made the struggle to stay alive a lot easier, for he was that steady rock Joshua could hold on to, in that unrelenting storm his health had posed to be.
Even when the man himself wasn’t there in person the mere thought of him offered solace. Before he fell asleep, the boy clasped his hands together, now also recalling what Dr. Warrick had taught him once.
‘’Metia, oh Metia, please hear my hopeful plea…’’
____________________________________
Even at home, Clive couldn’t let it rest.
Although lounging on his spacious couch with Torgal sprawled out next to him, one hand buried in his fur, Clive had his nose stuck in Joshua’s file.
His mind wouldn’t let him rest.
Was there something he had missed?
Part of him knew that eventually he would have to set those files aside – and yet another part of him had long learned not to ignore that… feeling.
That tingling sensation – the whisper of his subconscious.
A sixth sense, carefully forged through decades of study, and experience.
A sense all doctors knew to trust…
Clive readjusted his glasses for a moment before his hand went back to Torgal– who quite unmistakeably told him to continue his gentle pets with a low grumble.
‘’Sorry Torgal.’’ He chuckled, their eyes meeting, upon which Torgal’s tail immediately started to wag.
“You really just are a giant baby, aren’t you?”, Clive whispered softly.
And as if to agree the large hound whined, trying to burry his snout somewhere underneath and between Clive.
Their gentle play was interrupted by his phone suddenly ringing - and where usually the caller’s number would show up, he was instead met by a very unflattering picture of his father, taken at a weird angle at their last winter ball.
‘’Ah, father!’’ Clive answered the videocall, immediately greeted by his father’s forehead, way too close to the screen.
The Archduke needed a moment to adjust the camera angle before answering.
‘’Clive, my boy! How are you? You look tired…’’
‘’It’s fine, just had a long day. It’s late over here.’’
‘’Ah, you’re right. I never quite remember the different time zones…’’ Elwin admitted.
‘’It’s fine. I hope everything is fine with you? You don’t usually call me during the day.’’
‘’Oh, can’t a father miss his son? Rodney wants me to tell you hello as well.’’
In the background he could see the man wave his hand above his father’s head.
‘’Hello to you too, Rodney!’’ Clive chuckled and upon hearing Elwin’s voice, Torgal forced himself into the camera view as well.
‘’Torgal! Hello my boy!’’
They shared their initial greets before falling back to catching up with each other a little.
While Elwin told Clive about the happenings in Rosaria and its court, Clive shared some light on his work. Something much needed after the past few days.
His father’s worry upon him mentioning ‘Patient X’ didn’t go unnoticed - and yet the
Archduke sounded genuinely happy that the boy seemed to have survived all those years.
Even though they lived far apart his son had often told him about his work on the case – though always upholding the level of secrecy he was bound to by the law.
Thus the Archduke could imagine quite well what kind of emotions this had stirred in his son – and even more so, as Clive brought him up to speed, as well as he was legally allowed to.
“ It sure never gets boring on your ward, does it, my son?”
“It really doesn’t.”
“Speaking of recent developments. . . “, seeing the level of distress written across his boy’s face Elwin tried to gently change the subject.
“. . . Spring has finally started to rear its head, and the Royal Gardens are coming to life! How is it looking on your end? Isn’t blossom season around the corner? The flowers here are growing beautifully!”
Clive couldn’t help but smile – silently appreciating his Father’s care, before indulging him in more light-hearted banter, and topics more cheerful.
It was on a positive note on which they ended their call– fatigue finally seemed to have caught up with Clive.
As he put his phone aside he dwelled on their conversation a bit longer, his eyes resting shut.
//Growing, huh? // Clive thought to himself as silence settled in.
He had sworn to himself to let the files go for today before he had picked up his father’s call and yet, something pulled him right back in. Scanning over the pages of Joshua’s standard vitals, Clive’s eyes suddenly remained stuck on the boy’s height.
A wave of cold dread washed over him, as he had finally found what his senses had been silently trying to warn him about.
The numbers from today did not overlap with what was written in the charts.
They had changed.
A growth spurt.
“. . . another thing I have observed in Phoeniceus pluma patients is, that unfortunately, growth spurts can be fatal” – the words from his presentation rung in Clive’s ears.
Notes:
find this moronic bread on bsky under the same handle if you want, i write more AU thoughts on there and funny barnabas thirst tweets (when i am not crying about work) <3
Chapter Text
‘’Joshua Lesage – it’s way past your bedtime.’’
His doctor’s voice came from behind, causing the boy to wince in surprise. Bare feet had snuck out of his room once more, tiny taps against cold floors. Late at night, watching the stars from his favourite spot - the long window-front corridor connecting one ward with the other, is what gave Joshua a sense of freedom in those endlessly white halls of healing. Knowing it was a great privilege to enjoy such splendid treatment, the boy couldn’t help but feel a little trapped every now and then. As adults talked, sometimes with him, yet often times over his head, deciding what was best for him in matters he did not understand. Or at least that’s what mother had told him all along. Dr. Rosfield however made him feel included. A man to trust, no matter what!
‘’I am sorry!’’ Joshua whined immediately, clasping his hands over his mouth as he noticed his own voice’s volume being far too loud for the middle of the night.
Big round eyes stared back at Clive, teal sapphire twinkling playfully in the silver moonlight.
‘’Joshua, you know you’re not supposed to be out of bed after ten. Besides, shouldn’t you be asleep by now?’’ Clive said with a chuckle, allowing himself to come to a rest next to the boy.
‘’I know…’’ he sulked, his gaze on the floor. ‘’I couldn’t sleep.’’
‘’Homesick?’’
‘’Not particularly.’’
Children mastered the art of cruel honesty with ease – often bringing a laugh over Clive’s lips whenever they stated the truth with that unaware nonchalance.
‘’That’s good. What else keeps you awake then?’’
Silence lingered between them for a moment. Moment enough for Clive to notice the clear night sky above them. Not a single trace of a cloud and despite the city’s brightness, faint stars could be seen twinkling gently above them.
‘’You held my heart.’’
‘’P-Pardon?’’
The surprise in Clive’s voice was apparent. It took him a moment to catch on what Joshua was talking about, but when he did it made sense.
‘’I guess I did.’’
His gaze – soft as it already was by default – softened a little more, a gentle smile on his face.
‘’It’s a very good heart.’’
‘’You made it good.’’
‘’No, no, Joshua. It was good by default.’’
For an eight-year-old, Joshua had carried an incredible understanding for how things worked, always curious to learn more about the world. Before his surgeries, he insisted for Clive to explain every single detail of the surgery. If he could, Joshua would watch them all – even going so far as to ask Clive to record one for him. To those requests he often put Joshua off with the excuse of ‘’Maybe when you’re older.’’
‘’I just had to help it a little with its work. You know, your heart is working very hard to keep you alive.''
With the same innocent nonchalance, he had had earlier, the boy climbed into Clive’s lap while he spoke.
‘’Nii-san is the one who works really hard to keep me alive.’’
‘’That I am.’’ Clive chuckled, his arms gently folding around Joshua as they both watched the stars.
‘’You know, your heart is about this big.’’ He began to explain, lifting the mood a little as he showed Joshua the approximate size of his heart. ‘’… and it looked really healthy. It’s a very nice heart you have.’’
And has his gaze fell onto his own hands, Joshua carefully listening to what he had to say, realization set in. The wonders of modern medicine and what it could achieve these days still fascinated him the same way it had when he had first set his foot into the world of medicine. A curiosity not easily satiated – much like Joshua – Clive too craved to learn ever more. Unaware of it himself, he fell silent for a moment as his eyes lingered on those hands which had held Joshua’s heart mere weeks before. So small and yet unrelentingly, beating against all odds fate had put against the boy. Children carried an incredibly large amount of resilience in their little bodies – one that never ceased to amaze him.
‘’You see…’’
Listening closely, Joshua went silent as Clive spoke, further nestling against the man whom he had come to call Nii-san eventually.
They had met so very long ago, at least to Joshua it felt like an eternity. It had slipped over his lips on accident – surprised by his own slip of words, Joshua had clasped his hands over his mouth in shock back then.
Clive knew to many of the kids he treated, he was more than just a doctor and while his much-needed level of professionality demanded a certain distance to his patients, all such accords had failed when it came to Joshua Lesage. There was something about the boy which had drawn him in from the very start of his treatment.
‘’I’ll give my heart to you, then!’’ the boy insisted at some point, causing Clive to laugh gently once more.
‘’You should keep your heart a little longer. Give it to someone who really is deserving of it, alright?’’
Clive’s words kept him silent.
Back then they had puzzled him – what kind of answer was that supposed to be? Who was deserving of his heart if not the man who fought so hard to keep him alive?
…. If not to Clive – who then?
Notes:
my vacation is almost over so i expect updates to be a bit slower from now on but i have two more chapters already pre written which I am also going to upload soon! I really hope I can keep up my writing routine while working - wish me luck ; v ; <3
with that being said: i hope you enjoyed this chapter! <3
i find joshua calling clive nii-san just too cute, i had to include it!!find this moronic bread under the same handle on bsky - i sometimes post wips and horny barnabas posts
Chapter Text
‘’Vitals?’’
‘’Stable.’’
‘’How long has he been convulsing?’’
‘’The first seizure lasted about two minutes – this one started about a minute ago.’’
‘’How much time between his last doses of Lorazepam?’’
‘’Maybe four minutes.’’
‘’How many milligrams?’’
Despite the speed of everything that had been happening in the past fifteen minutes, standing there, rendered unable to help made it feel like an eternity. He had seen it before, had given first aid in those situations before and yet every time it happened, it left Dion breathless. As if Greagor herself tried to strangle him, crushing his windpipes with her most holy hands, Dion fought for air as he watched them wheel Joshua out of his reach on a stretcher. He knew this was as far as he was permitted to go, for now he needed to stay behind and let the doctors do their work, no matter how much it threatened to tear him apart. Where Dion saw light, in the glimmer of hope he had put into Dr. Rosfield, the world around Joshua had turned to darkness.
He had been here before.
In that pitch-black darkness.
It felt cold.
Stagnant.
The beastly breath of the giant creature beneath him ravishing his skin.
It had always been there.
Slumbering.
Waiting.
As it unclasped its jaw – bearing those horrid teeth - flames began to wrap around him.
Oh, how it burned as fire licked against his skin.
A ghastly grin before it would tear him apart.
Tear him to shreds until all that was left of him was bits and pieces.
Despite the darkness, he could faintly hear the voices around him. A whole sea of them, storm waves of words crashing over him as his body slipped from his control. He knew his name – his address – could name several dates of historical happenings – so why had he no control over this? His eyes were forced shut by his own body, his muscles aching, tired from the on-going spasming.
make it stop make it stope make it stopmakeitstopmakeitstopemakeitstop
While his body strained against hands holding him in place, Joshua fought for control. He slipped back and forth between reality and that dark spot in his mind. That place which harboured that ugly beast.
Help me, Clive!
…
please
…
When light and darkness had collapsed into flames, he found himself back with the beast. Its jaw jarred open, every movement of it and himself feeling as if time had stopped. There were no golden shears this time threatening to cut his ties. Merely a hellish creature fighting him for control. He’d have no witnesses in his fight against the beast – no one would see the inside struggle as his body shook violently and without control. And then – without mercy – darkness faded into nothingness at the whip-crack sound of thunder crashing over him. His body went numb and limb as he lost the last bit of control he had.
The beast went still – its fire cold.
The echo of a bird’s cry in the distance.
Wings of gold.
A sweet relief.
It was the sound of Dion’s voice this time. Gentle, he had thought at first, then weak and sorrowful upon listening in closer.
‘’. . . and he’s going to be alright?’’
A layer of light wrapped around him, gently swaying like a mother’s embrace. That voice, an everlasting source of solace.
‘’As it turns out, Joshua’s body is still growing. I noticed a difference between the height in his files and the height we measured when the two of you visited us in the urgent care unit. I noticed it way too late as it seems, I want to apologize for that.’’
Another voice so very dear – a gentle caress like early summer sun against his skin.
‘’Oh please, don’t. There is no way you have to offer any apology to us. I am glad you caught on so early, doctor.’’
Although he felt the physical closeness of the two men, the voices still sounded distant – as if a layer of cloth separated them from him.
‘’After we gained control over his seizure, we did an x-ray to confirm it. Joshua’s growth plates have not yet fully fused, considering his illness, they will do so with quite a delay. My theory still is that the main force behind those outbreaks stems from growth spurts – something in them triggers his system to self-destruct. ‘’
When he had finally found the strength to force his eyes open, he saw their silhouettes right next to his bed. Still blurry, mere specs of colour among the endless white surrounding them.
‘’Will it ever stop?’’
‘’I won’t know for certain but considering he’s been stable between those growth spurts, I have my hopes that once his body has stopped growing, it might get easier. However, please bear in mind, this is merely a theory still. Joshua after all is the first person with Phoeniceus Pluma to reach such an age.’’
He couldn’t process everything he heard, not all of it made sense to him in this struggle against the urge to close his eyes once more. He had barely opened them as the edges of his vision turned dark - until only the voices remained.
‘’I’d like to keep him under closer supervision for now, from what we know from the past, seizures are often just a harbinger of more, and possibly worse, to come. Joshua is at that age where he can decide for himself what doctor he’s going to see. As you are his current emergency contact, you and only you, are the one we have to inform in case of an emergency.’’
Dr. Rosfield’s voice sounded stern at the mention of anything concerning their mother, and while Joshua had his eyes closed, he could not see Dion nodding in silent agreement over not informing their mother quite yet. They’d leave Joshua to decide.
‘’He should be asleep for a little longer, he’s under the influence of a lot of tranquilizers still and the constant spasming takes a toll on the body. We expect him to develop a fever too at some point, this however-‘’
‘’- Is quite normal, right?’’
Clive smiled at the blonde man in front of him and nodded.
‘’Right.’’
As Joshua felt himself drift into a heavy sleep once more, he tried to cling to their voices a little longer. With sleep clawing at him it was increasingly hard to concentrate on what they spoke and soon it would only be his silent plea to stay a little longer, until the veil of sleep had fallen over him entirely, bringing silence to his mind.
Far from Joshua’s notice, Clive placed one of his hands on top of Dion’s shoulder.
‘’You should try to get some rest as well, you can stay as long as you want, the paper stuff can wait.’’ Clive urged the man he too had known for such a long time by now.
‘’Thank you, doctor. I’d like to wait until he’s awake, if I may.’’
‘’Certainly.’’
Dion found his spot next to Joshua’s bed – someone had swapped the standard chair with a soft recliner while he had been out for a moment to receive a work call at some point. Dion knew what was at stake – the hard-earned trust of their mother – something he had been fighting for, for so long. He knew Joshua wouldn’t want to tell her and yet, if she found out about all of this somehow, he knew she’d drag him right back to Sanbreque. Heavy rested his heart inside his chest.
By the time Joshua woke up again, night had fallen over them and bright lights, and the busy sound of a bustling hospital unit had faded into the comfort of dimmed yellow, and silence. Upon moving his hand lightly, he could feel the IV drip still connected to the back of his hand, while a familiar stinging in his nether regions was a clear indicator of a foley catheter set in place. It was a natural instinct to shove all these foreign things away – even to Joshua who had been used to all of this from a very young age on.
‘’Hey hey hey, no fussing.’’ Dion’s voice gently rung through to him, accompanied by slender cool fingers against his burning-up forehead. ‘’It’s okay – you’re fine.’’
Joshua’s first attempts of speaking came in low huffs and puffs followed by weak whines. Dion tried to guide him through it as well as he could. ‘’It’s okay, take your time. You’re safe.’’ He heard the man whisper.
‘’. . . m sry…’’
When it didn’t come out right on the first try, he tried again despite the amount of energy it costed.
‘’I’m… sorry.’’
Joshua’s thinly wept apologies were hushed by a gentle hand caressing his cheek, a playful tap against the tip of his nose as Dion inched in a little closer. Knowing how sensitive Joshua could be to sounds and lights after seizures, Dion spoke with utmost care in a hushed voice.
‘’You don’t need to apologize. Ever. Not for that, you silly goose.’’
The boy strained to open his eyes and when the lines of Dion’s face in front of him turned clear, he was met with a gentle smile rather than face of worry. Joshua knew how much energy that must cost Dion – to muster something he wasn’t feeling after this ordeal he had put him through.
‘’Hey there, take your time.’’
An almost desperate-seeming hand fought against the layer of blanket over it to grab hold of Dion.
‘’Please, don’t tell mother…’’ Joshua whined, traces of tears evident in the corners of his eyes.
‘’I won’t. Not for now at least.’’
Joshua’s grip around Dion’s hand grew tighter.
‘’Doctor Rosfield informed me that so far, I am your emergency contact – thus I am the only one they have to inform for legal reasons. You’re old enough to decide for yourself which doctor you’re going to seek out.’’
A convenient detail Joshua’s mother had failed to mention to him.
‘’Where’s doctor Rosfield?’’
‘’Am I not enough?’’ Dion joked, trying to lift the mood a little before answering his brother’s question.
‘’He’s finishing up a few things before his shift ends, he said he’ll come by one last time before going home.’’
Clive’s cup of coffee had gone cold for the third time in a row, his gaze almost seemingly empty as he stared at the peach coloured wall of their breakroom. Only those who knew him truly, knew that Clive was hard at work on the inside. Cid had been the first one to try and break the spell, scooting up next to Clive on the bench, one knee nudging his side as the man tried to let his charm to the work.
‘’Come now sunshine, work is done. Time to go home.’’
Although the low rumble of the man’s voice made sure to ring through to him, Clive did not react immediately.
‘’I think some cog got stuck in ‘im’’ Gav chimed, waving his hand in front of the man’s face.
‘’Can you blame him?’’ Jill spoke, ruffling a hand through his hair. ‘’Ground control to Major Rosfield, do you copy?’’
It took some force to pry himself away from theories and calculations done in thought, yet facing his friends, he suddenly spoke with ease.
‘’Huh? Is something wrong?’’ he asked, staring at the three of them with genuine curiosity. ‘’Did I miss something?’’
Relief washed over their faces, their colleague was back.
‘’Only the end of your shift, mate.’’
‘’Oh no, no I can’t go home ye- ‘’
‘’You’re going home with me now.’’ Cid decided. The man had already changed out of his scrubs and his gaze would not allow for any excuses.
‘’Listen, I can’t go home yet, I still have to make sure things are alright with Joshua. I haven’t finished my report yet either.’’
‘’Joshua is fine and the report will have to wait until tomorrow.’’ Jill spoke, another force he had to overcome if he truly wanted to stay.
With Cid and Jill against him, Gav would soon jump on the wagon as well and with how much energy the day had cost him, he knew there was no other way.
‘’Fine, let me just check in on him one last time.’’ Clive gave in with a sigh.
There was still so much he felt the need to do - admitting Joshua on his ward was a never-ending task, especially not in those high-risk phases, of which Clive wasn’t even sure they had reached it yet in the first place….
‘’But first you go change!’’ Jill insisted, knowing Clive’s chances of deciding against going home were slightly lower once he had changed. ‘’Besides, you have to pick up Torgal yourself today.’’ She reminded him with a wink. ‘’I’ll make sure Joshua is fine, Gav and I are on nightshift tonight either way.’’
‘’Thank you, guys.’’
Almost a struggle as hard as the one to keep his eyes open, was the struggle to get Dion to agree to going home. Joshua couldn’t count the times he said ‘’I am alright.’’ And ‘’You should get some rest at home as well.’’ Before Dion finally agreed to the idea. Although reluctantly, the man grabbed his coat after having spent almost the entire day next to Joshua’s bed.
‘’Text me when you got home, alright?’’ Joshua demanded with a cheeky grin, already feeling a little better and more awake.
‘’Do you want me to bri- ‘’
‘’Go home, Dion.’’
‘’Alright. But I’ll be back tomorrow.’’
‘’That’s perfectly fine with me!’’
Joshua waved – what he lovingly called his ‘finger guns’ – at Dion in order to get one last genuine laugh out of the man. Successful in his mission, he waved Dion goodbye one last time before he watched his brother close the door behind him. Despite the darkness of the night and the lights kept low in his room, Joshua could recall the room he was in. It had always been his. Every stay.
Especially for their long-term cases, they offered permanent rooms with more room to customize in order to make their patients feel at home. Although his alterations to the room had already been reworked to the same standards as any other unoccupied room, Joshua could tell that this was his room. Not only from the way the furniture stood, or from the exact count of tiles on the ceiling, but also from the window view. The tree that had still been growing when he was but a child, had now grown into a lovely cherry blossom tree, gently swaying in the subtle breeze of the night.
// Welcome home, huh? //
Upon further inspection of his nightstand, he already spotted a get-well-soon card atop it and judging from the design… it hadn’t come from Dion.
Joshua’s arm felt tired – as if thousand weights had been wrapped around it, and as he reached for the card he accidentally knocked over Dion’s left-forgotten water bottle.
It was one of those 3D greeting cards, depicting one of those small snow fairy birds that had gained rapid popularity in the past years. Written in all English was a big ‘’Have a swift recovery!’’ surrounded by the signatures of the unit’s staff, as well as some doctors from his past.
‘’Sure, feels like coming home a little.’’ Joshua chuckled to himself, although a little weak.
Shifting his position had turned out to be quite a struggle with all these monitors on him and the iv set in place on the back of his hand. Although more painful to set, the back of his hand had always been his preferred place for an IV, as it allowed him more freedom in movement than the other usual spots. He read over those names, all of them still familiar from his past on this ward and he couldn’t help but feel like he had just returned from a very long journey. As bittersweet as it felt, being here gave more comfort than he had initially anticipated it to.
For a moment his body felt light as a feather and while he was certain this was still residue from all the meds he had received during and after his seizure, the lightness of his body was more than welcome.
‘’I see you’re awake.’’ Spoke the voice that hauled him back from that place of comfort, sending his heart beating fast enough to make his heart monitor light up momentarily.
‘’Sorry, I did not mean to scare you.’’ Clive apologized as he stepped in.
Already out of his work clothes, he saw the man dressed in one of his standard knit-sweaters, the glasses resting on the bridge of his nose hanging a little low as he readjusted his crossbody bag.
‘’Dr. Rosfield!’’
‘’I am glad to see you awake. I see you got Dion to leave after all.’’ Clive chuckled as he stepped into the room.
‘’Took more effort than I had expected.’’
Although triumphant, his voice sounded ridden with guilt. Joshua’s hands still held onto the card, fingers nervously playing with one of the bird’s legs as he avoided the man’s gaze unintentionally. It all felt like a warm memory and yet the aching of his sore muscles was a stark reminder of all this being more than just a memory.
‘’I probably don’t need to ask how you’re feeling, huh?’’
Clive remembered how little Joshua liked being asked about his well-being, always trying to get an answer out of him without directly asking.
‘’I feel like I just ran a marathon on all fours.’’ Joshua forced over his lips with a chuckle.
‘’That’s oddly descriptive.’’
By the time Clive had reached Joshua’s bedside, he stood close enough to brush his hand through Joshua’s hair.
He had always loved those curls, cheeky as they were, ever so defiant – much like Joshua himself. Joshua felt the urge to push his head further into that gentle hand, like a street cat, eager to be pet on a rainy day and for a moment, Joshua was eight years old again and had always just been at Clive’s side.
Weather it was from the fever, which often was a side effect of seizures, or it was the physical closeness to the man he loved so very much, he could feel his cheeks grow warm.
‘’Ah – you’re heating up. That’s good, your body is still hard at work as always.’’ Clive noted with a smile, revealing lines of age, a gentle reminder of the time that had passed.
A wise man once spoke – some men are like fine wine, they get better with age – and especially in his doctor’s case, Joshua simply had to agree. It was perhaps not the right moment for indecent thoughts but at the same time, Joshua couldn’t care less. It was with effort that he held a cheeky ‘’Your fault.’’ Behind his lips and instead answered accordingly.
‘’Never giving up in a brawl.’’ Joshua joked instead. ‘’I see you’re about to head home?’’
‘’I have to pick up the beast from doggy day care and take him on a proper walk.’’
‘’He’s still around?’’ Joshua suddenly perked up at the mention of Clive’s giant hound.
‘’Of course! Still fit as a fiddle!’’
Clive’s hand had remained close to Joshua as they spoke, gently drawing circles on his shoulder in an almost self-hypnotising way. Although they had talked much upon Joshua’s initial return and yet, the topic of Torgal had been put on the side-lines for some reason unknown to them both. There was simply so much to catch up on. As much as Clive longed to continue the conversation, it was apparent how tired Joshua was, and as his doctor he more than well knew, the boy needed all the rest he could get.
‘’How about you get some more rest.’’
The words almost threatened to tear him apart.
‘’I’ll head home, feed the beast and we catch up tomorrow, alright?’’
Oh, how he longed to stay.
Joshua’s hand rushed to grab the man’s sleeve almost instantly, holding onto him for but a moment longer.
‘’Promise?’’
‘’Promise.’’
Joshua held his pinkie up towards the man, waiting for Clive to catch on and hook in. It was something they had always done – a magic spell to set promises in stone.
Like two cogs in a clockwork – working in perfect unison.
Before Clive could peel himself from Joshua’s side he was held up by the boy once more.
‘’About this. . . ‘’
His hand pointed to the bag hanging from the side of his bed.
‘’Can you tell the nurse I won’t be needing that anymore?’’
With his cheeks flushed red, Joshua addressed his foley catheter. Nothing he wasn’t used to and yet he was always glad to get rid of them.
‘’Oh – s-sure. It was just from the meds, all the tranquilizers and relaxants-‘’
Joshua shut Clive up with a shaky thumbs up.
No need to further elaborate.
‘’See you tomorrow, Dr. Rosfield!’’
‘’See you tomorrow, Joshua.’’
Notes:
find this moronic bread on bsky under the same handle - i sometimes post wips more AU stuff and most definitely my horniest barnabas thoughts
Chapter Text
Dion was certain: Today was not going to be his best day. First the elevator broke down on him, rendering the man forced to walk down all 60 flights of stairs. He had already been cursing about having to walk downstairs, but he should have considered himself lucky compared to the group of neighbours who were currently forced to walk all the way upstairs – one of them singing loudly to keep himself motivated while the woman in the group tried to keep their spirits up.
‘’There there, Barrett, we’re almost at the top!’’
Yet, all his hard work of conjuring up the tiniest speck of self-motivation to face the day in a much more positive light fell onto deaf ears as his appointment calendar was once again filled to the brim - and he already had no idea where to put a visit to the hospital in, in order to bring Joshua some personal things. With every thought dedicated to his brother, Dion felt the guilt sink deeper into his skin, if not to reach his innermost core.
Joshua had called him a valiant knight in shining armour and he had sworn to be exactly that and nothing else when it came to his little brother. He still remembered the heavy hand of his father on his shoulder, that gentle gaze, still unsullied by the witch’s words of poison.
‘’As prince to our nation, Dion, it is your duty to be a sign of hope to our people. Why not start small and be such for your new brother?’’
To this day Dion mourned the man his father used to be…
While the harsh days of strict rule were in the past and democracy had found its way among the people, the royal houses of their nations lived on.
Where the Archduke of Rosaria and the Emperor of Sanbreque both remained important political figures, there were other nations where politics had moved far away from their royal houses.
Waloed was one of such nations. Nobody had seen the king in years and while his estate remained in perfect condition, with its gardens well-kept and the property in picture perfect condition, rumours said that the king had left the country ages ago.
Not a banquet in this world would get him out of hiding – or whatever else it was, that the man was doing….
Joshua had recovered from his first episode in those past three days, already back to his chipper self, all thanks to the company of Gav and the other friendly staff at the hospital.
Dion could tell, the boy probably felt more at home in the hospital than in their own apartment – definitely couldn’t blame him for that.
Dion remembered his own days, cautiously dabbling his feet in newfound freedom after having left the court life behind to work for the embassy. As light as it could make one feel, that almost boundless seeming freedom, it brought a sense of anxiety along with it. Suddenly things he had never once paid attention to, would strike worry in him as he was forced to face entirely new situations all by himself.
And if he, at 28, felt hesitant about those things, he couldn’t even begin to imagine what that must have felt like to Joshua.
As he had finally left the endless echo-chamber of their staircase behind, Dion noticed that he had just missed the bus by a few seconds, only catching a glimpse of that darned thing turning corners at the end of the street.
Yes, he could use the convenience of a driver, or drive to work himself - he was a prince after all – yet he enjoyed the simple ways of life over unnecessary luxury at the cost of their precious world’s resources. It was easier on the planet to use public transportation and he did enjoy watching people from all walks of life go about their merry days.
…
Driving had also never been a skill he had particularly honed for himself.
Dion perfectly knew his way around the sky, and yet, when it came to navigating the streets his talents had him left pale in comparison.
“Fine – a walk it is then!’’ he proclaimed to himself, his spirits fighting hard to remain high as he began to strut his way down the busy street.
At first, he thought he had imagined things – perhaps a trick his skin played on him. Until he felt it again. And again.
Splish – Splash – as one drop after the other began dancing down the sky.
‘’No…’’ he muttered under his breath, his gaze glued to the sky in utter betrayal and disbelief.
‘’NO!’’ he finally called out loudly, causing some passers-by to turn their heads.
‘’This is not FAIR!’’
Because as fate had wanted him to – his umbrella – which he had prepared oh so carefully minutes before he had left – still rested in the comfort of his apartment’s warmth in the same spot Dion had put it in order not to forget about taking it along in the first place.
‘’Mr. Lesage.’’ the concierge said, lowering his head as he bowed respectfully upon opening the door for the prince. He batted no eyelash despite Dion’s dripping wet coat leaving traces of rain upon the marbled floor of their entrance hall.
Where Dion would usually greet in return, it was anger over his own clumsiness and the twisted whims of fate which had his lips sealed shut. Though to still acknowledge the man, Dion bowed in return.
He walked straight towards his office in hopes of finding some moments of calm respite before having to receive the first guests of today, only to notice his guests were already seated and waiting for his arrival.
A quick glance over to the clock above his desk revealed how much time had passed between missing the bus and arriving drenched in rain at his office.
‘’Please, forgive my late arrival. The weather seemed to have been against me today.’’
It was with well-practiced charm and his royal nonchalance that he could swerve the attention from his wet attire to his impeccable act as formidable host. Something that never failed to amaze his guests no matter on what difficult occasion they might seek him out.
‘’Shall we?’’
With a much-needed sigh of relief, Dion decompressed against the softness of his rosaria-imported chaise lounge. The neighbouring nation was known for its fine woodwork and Dion greatly appreciated the Rosarian sense of aesthetic, as a stark contrast to that of Sanbreque.
Hours had gone by since his first meeting, and although he was brought a change of clothes by his secretary at some point, the day had already taken its toll on him. Between paperwork and receiving guests, Dion had tried to reply to Joshua’s messages as quickly as possible, happy to at least see he could keep Joshua entertained with the mental image of him giving a speech in soaking wet clothes. Still guilt-ridden his eyes remained on Joshua’s latest message, the text bubble framed by a tiny scale pattern reading ‘’You sound really busy today, no hard feelings if you don’t visit.’’
He knew Joshua’s words were genuine and yet they left behind a twinge of doubt in his conscience. A painful stab, a knife of betrayal at his own hand twisting in his chest. He could almost hear Joshua’s voice in his thoughts “Stop being so dramatic. I am not a kid anymore.”
Another much-needed reminder of not being too hard on himself.
‘’Fine. But I’ll have Marques drop off your things later. I’ll ask him to collect your favourite cream puffs as well.’’
‘’Accepted!’’ – followed by one of Joshua`s trademark–stickers: a bird giving a thumbs-up.
Lunchbreak was about to end and Dion felt no trace of motivation left in his body to continue the same charade he had upheld the first half of his day. Instead he felt like a lizard, frozen from the cold and craving to relax in the sun instead. A good book in hand and perhaps a drink in the other.
Instead he was forced to work his way through incredibly complicated bureaucracy matters with the added difficulty of language barriers and customs so different to his homeland, he had a hard time keeping up with it all. Dion swore, if it wasn’t for his blonde hair, everyone else around him would witness his hair starting to grey early.
If he were a bearded dragon, he’d puff his scaly neck right now and hiss in frustration, as he signed those papers off to be revised one last time before he could put his final seal of approval beneath it. The constant back and forth of paperwork were his least favourite thing about his job at the embassy, missing those days he was still in active military working through jet routines with his fellow pilots.
While they lived in the comfort in peace among the nations, Sanbreque was known for its aerial expertise when it came to warfare and thus, a well-practiced jet manoeuvre with his fellow pilots had remained an ever-important part on Sanbreque’s most important holidays.
Whether it’d be for the Emperor’s birthday, or their national holiday where they celebrated the win over Belenus Tor against Waloed centuries ago.
Gone was the age of myths and dragons – but what remained were the stories and legends about them to this day.
Dion’s gaze fell onto a dear-kept memento from his days with the crew, dubbed The Holy Order of Dragoons, as lean to one of their local legends. The plaque that usually adorned his locker in the barracks read ‘Bahamut’, now shining in gold above his entrance door. As freeing as it was, being able to escape court life, it did feel like a massive degradation being forced to work for an embassy, instead of piloting jets for their local military forces.
On most days, he could ignore all the ugly feelings this had left in him – but on days like today, where misfortune seemed to be chasing after him, it was more difficult to keep those snarling dragons sleeping…
As a cherry on top of this cake of misery he was baking himself for today, he ended up with a papercut on the last batch of papers which needed his signature before he could call it a day.
‘’Greagor’s- ‘’
He refrained from finishing that thought while rummaging through the top drawer of his desk for something to stop the bleeding. He apologized under his breath, something that had naturally come with his very strict and religious upbringing, as he was not take Greagor’s name for any ill-intent. Cursing was certainly one of such things.
It was the self-assembled Dion-Emergency-Kit which Joshua had prepared for him, before he had first left for this city, which came to aid in his troubling time of need.
Of course.
Well-equipped with Dion’s favourite chocolates, dinosaur band aids and some more office supplies, Joshua had worked hard to find things suitable to Dion’s taste. Admittedly, the lizard-shaped stapler did get a chuckle out of him.
Oh, what would all those business men think if they saw him staple their precious documents with it. With his hand all bandaged up by a very professional dinosaur band aid, Dion felt a little lighter about his situation. Perhaps it was also the small lizard figurine he had gotten out of a vending machine back at the zoo which made him feel a little less sour about it all, after his eyes had lingered on the small, cute, curled up plastic skink.
‘’Perhaps I could…’’
He fished through his bag, reaching for the price slip in his wallet. The dates would check and perhaps touching some lizard might help him feel a little better.
Initially he had planned to take Joshua along for that occasion but perhaps it was better to go without him first, to check if their specialized staff was really that specialized. A little quality check – yes.
Just to make sure his little brother would get the best out of the experience once they’d get to it.
The day finally decided to get a little better as his last meeting got cancelled last minute – a blessing of the lizards, Dion was sure. He pressed a gentle kiss against his, by now deemed as such, fortune band aid, before heading out of the office for today.
The zoo was only a short ride with the bus from the embassy and as the weather finally had cleared up a little, Dion was greeted by the sun upon getting off the vehicle.
Perhaps Joshua did have magic powers - as he had claimed back when he was but a little kid. A smile had returned to Dion’s face as he presented his price slip to the staff at the entrance, who promptly made a call to their reptile department and told him to wait for their specialized staff.
Dion had never heard such a name before, but as the woman at the front desk told him to wait for Staff Teran, he couldn’t help but chuckle a little.
Caught up in his thoughts, Dion did not see the man approaching him – dark haired with broad shoulders. A strong build and definitely his type as he would find if he hadn’t had his back turned towards him.
‘’Excuse me, Sir. I think you are my appointment for the Meet-The-Animal special?’’ a familiar voice rung through to him.
It felt like a blow to the face, turning around and facing the one who carried such a peculiar voice. It left Dion open mouthed and wide-eyed, all breath taken from him and struggling for air as his body – his mind – tried to process the scene.
He stood right in front of him – right there – in reach – so very close.
And if it wasn’t for his body being absolutely stunned and frozen in place, he would have jumped at the man right then and there.
‘’T-Terence?’’
It was apparent that his opposite needed a moment as well. Neurons connecting, thoughts forming, one process after the other trying to dissolve the situation into something that made sense.
‘’Dion?!’’
‘’You?! Here?! How?!’’ was all that Dion could force past his lips, his brain eager to say more, while his body was still lacking behind, unable to render his usual way of speaking.
Processing.
Time had passed and things had changed.
Terence had always been tall and if it hadn’t been for Dion’s shoes having elevated heels, the size difference between them would have been even more apparent.
While Dion already had an incredible physique, Terence certainly had gained more muscle mass in the time they had spent apart. Only his face had remained as it had always been. Incredibly soft, capable of the warmest smiles while his eyes carried the gentleness Dion had craved in all those years.
‘’Greagor – I found you.’’
Terence’s voice came a little surprised as he almost whispered in reply.
‘’You… found me?
‘’Y-Yes! I found you! O-Or did you find me? I am- ‘’
Obviously still lacking the words to convey what he had been meaning to say for all these years, Dion stammered along as well as he could.
‘’I mean, you left so suddenly. I was- ‘’
‘’I thought you were mad.’’
Another blow of surprise, right to his face, if not to his very core.
‘’Mad?’’
Terence’s smile faded into something Dion couldn’t quite read at first. He had always been able to read the man’s face? Why not now?
‘’You never replied to any of my letters.’’
‘’Letters?!’’ it broke out of Dion, uncontrollably loud and with much more force than he had initially intended.
‘’26 of them.’’
Stated flatly – matter-of-factly even and yet not a trace of ill intent or resentment in them.
‘’26?’’
There was silence. More time needed to process what he was hearing. Terence had written 26 letters and none of them had ever reached him? Dion feared the answer and yet, to him it felt clear as day as to whose fault that was.
‘’Terence, I . . . ‘’
‘’You never got them? I figured as much.’’
The silence between them prevailed a little longer and the longer they remained silent, the louder said silence grew. They lingered in each other’s gaze, a space where only they existed. Everything around them had melted into something far from their care. Despite it all, Terence’s face had remained soft, a gentle smile painted across his lips as his eyes lingered on Dion. He had always been so very kind. Gentle and true in everything he spoke and did.
After he had written the first two letters without receiving a reply, he had thought those letters never had reached his prince. That wicked witch on his father’s side had never liked him very much. Even though he was sure none of his letters would reach Dion, he never ceased sending them. Letters about the most mundane things – his day – his new life – about foods he had tried for the first time to the things he had wanted to say for so long and yet never gotten the chance to. In those years that had passed, Dion achieved something Terence had thought not possible. That fine physique had grown even more handsome – beautiful even. The fine face, from the gentle edge of his brow to the wonderful slant of his nose. Most importantly – those radiant eyes had kept its glimmer even after their paths had separated. Terence could get lost in the depths of Dion’s eyes, a warm tone of brown, accentuated by the shimmer of yellow amber stones. His prince – ever so radiant. His father – the emperor – had once compared Dion’s likeness to a wyvern tail. Those beautiful flowers which had always been a stark symbol of their nation and Terence couldn’t help but to agree.
If it wasn’t for this nation’s dislike of public signs of affection, Terence would have sunk to his knees as proof of his undying devotion as he had done once before, those many summers ago before his departure. His heart had ached for days with all those words left unsaid after their paths had separated. Much of what they felt for each other was kept unspoken and yet, in each other’s presence, they knew.
Instead of following the urge to bend the knee for his beloved prince once more, he was forced to remain standing tall in front of Dion, a desperate hand halting in uncertainty as he longed for his prince’s touch.
Would it be okay?
Where Terence couldn’t reach out of pure respect for the other, Dion met that hand, held mid-air in hesitation. Their fingers intertwined for but a moment – silent acknowledgement given with a gentle bow of his head before Terence was reassured enough to brush one of Dion’s blonde strands of hair behind his ear.
‘’You’re ever so beautiful.’’ it slipped past his lips.
Silent – barely audible, spoken in their tongue, and only for Dion to hear.
If it wasn’t for his colleague, the friendly lady who had offered Dion to take part in their little game, they would have had remained like this a little longer but it was the voice of the woman which broke the spell.
Suddenly ‘Teran’ made sense to Dion, transforming into the key needed to understand it was their native’s way of pronouncing Terence’s name.
‘’Teran, you know this man?’’ the woman asked, coming to a halt next to him, bowing her head gently to also address Dion.
‘’Takeda-san, yes! This is Dion, my friend I’ve told you about!’’ Terence immediately replied, his smile shining proudly and bright.
‘’Ah – Dion-sama?! The Dion-sama?!’’
Terence nodded eagerly, presenting his friend to his colleague like one might show off his wife. The woman bowed deeply all of a sudden – she had heard all the tales of Dion the Bold, prince to the foreign nation of Sanbreque. He only understood half of what she was saying but the bits and pieces he did understand had him urge the woman to straighten her back again.
‘’Ah, please, don’t. It’s quite alright.’’s and ‘’There’s no need for that.’’s were met with deaf ears.
The scene was quite surreal and Dion had a hard time imagining Terence telling the old lady all about his feelings for him, but by the way he acted around her, it was quite apparent the woman knew it all.
Eventually she said her goodbyes, parting ways with them to not further interrupt their precious reunion.
After all, there was tons of much-needed catch-up to do, as well as lizards to be met.
Dion told his old friend of the current circumstances, such as to how he came to live in this city, as well as everything going on with Joshua – whom Terence equally cared about.
Terence still fondly remembered with how much pride Dion had welcomed his new little brother into his family. Still remembered the many times he had tried to console Dion over his worries about said little brother, and how he too, eventually, had gotten invested.
While Joshua wasn’t home all too often, the times he did get to see him had remained brightly in his memories. Small and weak and yet so full of life, as someone who was equally as excited about his foster sibling, he more than understood how Dion had felt back then and - still does.
When Dion felt Terence had gotten the gist of most what had happened in those years apart, Terence began to speak. About his studies, his foster sibling Kihel, and about how he came to work for the zoo as a part-timer.
The initial thing that had always connected them was their fascination for the scaly creatures of their planet. While Dion amassed one bearded dragon after the other on his arm Terence made sure to introduce them all to him, one by one.
The world was a splendid place with Terence by his side and lizards on his arm. He could almost forget about all those worries of the past few days and while he’d never stop caring for his little brother, all of it seemed so far away in that moment.
Their banter continued long after they were done with their tour and even past the zoo’s gates after Terence was allowed to wrap up his shift early. Not far from home, Terence knew a little restaurant to which he took Dion before insisting on walking him home.
Where Dion had thought he was done for today with continued harsh blows, dished out by Greagor herself, he was hit by yet another as they came to halt in front of the apartment complex to which Terence simply stated. ‘’Odd, I live here too.’’
‘’You WHAT?!’’
Terence couldn’t help but break into a gentle laugh over Dion’s sudden outburst which painted that ever so charming image of looking almost offended across his face.
Dion – who had always spoken with so much dignity and refine suddenly speechless, all over the place and almost in shambles over the odds that had been toying with them.
‘’You’re telling me you’ve been my neighbour all along?!’’
Oh fate, you cruel beast. If Greagor had forsaken him all this time, whom had he prayed to then?
‘’I am sorry, I don’t mean to laugh as this visibly upsets you, but- but isn’t this at least a little funny?’’
Uncertain how to feel, Terence tried to wipe Dion’s frustration away with a smile, squeezing his hand gentle as they had walked hand-in-hand all this time without even noticing.
Only now did it dawn on Dion and the pure absurdity of the situation they had suddenly found each other in helped lifting his mood. Although hesitant, Dion chuckled along before breaking out into proper laughter together. He’d certainly have a story to tell Joshua by tomorrow.
‘’Well then, my prince, which floor may I escort you too?’’ Terence spoke up, taking Dion’s hand in a knightly manner as usually seen in movies.
‘’If they haven’t fixed the elevator yet, you might have to carry me up to the 60th floor, I am afraid.’’
‘’So be it then, Your Radiance.’’
Though to Terence’s luck, the elevator had been fixed throughout the day.
With their hands still entwined they walked, only to come to halt in front of Dion’s apartment – and all of a sudden both of them realized shyness had gotten to them, as they were aware of what could come next if one made the right step forward.
While Dion had tried to muster up all bravery he could, it was Terence who spoke up first.
‘’Dion- ‘’
‘’Yes, Terence?’’
‘’I’d- I’d like to see you again.’’
‘’Well, I sure hope you do.’’ Dion chuckled, both aware of their rather unusual fumbling with words.
‘’I mean- Again, tomorrow, right away if possible.’’
‘’Gladly so.’’ Dion nodded.
They had exchanged numbers already earlier, and after it was revealed to them that they also lived at the same apartment complex, Dion already had made sure to take notice of what apartment Terence lived in. A strange, although not uncomfortable, silence settled between them for but a moment.
‘’This is the part where I let you go inside, right? I mean I should probably let go of your hand. . .’’
Their eyes both lingered on their hands still entwined with Terence gently squeezing Dion’s to underline his words.
‘’You don’t have to yet, no.’’
‘’Good, because I really don’t want to let go yet.’’
Their need and silent longing for each other was apparent, yet stayed unaddressed for now.
It was unmistakable and before any of them could speak up further, their lips connected.
Briefly.
Chaste.
And yet it was more than Dion would have ever asked for.
It was everything to him.
Years apart – suddenly brought back together.
All the tension and frustrations, the grief and sorrow his seemingly fruitless search had brought – forgotten and gone with the wind in an instant.
In his mind, this moment had played out in so many different versions.
He had spent countless nights envisioning this moment and yet – nothing he had conjured up with his fantasy – could ever compare to this.
‘’My Prince…’’
‘’Dion – please.’’
Notes:
i am sorry it took me so long to update even though this chapter was already finished by the time i got back from my vacation, the after vacation blues plus getting back into the work groove had me frozen for a moment. . . ALAS!! BACK TO MY SCHEDULE!
... which i don't have.
i'll still try to upload this fic at least once a month from now on ; - ; please pray for me i really want to finish this fic.
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