Chapter Text
You became a regular at the Duck Tape since moving to Boone County, you enjoyed the feel of the place and the music wasn’t too bad.
But what you love most about the bar and town is the two friends you were lucky to have made the first night you decided to go for a drink.
Walking into the bar you saw two men talking before they both looked to see who entered, both giving welcoming smiles to you.
The one with lush shoulder length hair and goatee who was behind the bar spoke first, an accent that matched the area “Evenin', Darlin, what can I get for you?”
Smiling back at them both as you make your way to the bar, the one sitting pulls out a chair for you, his accent sounds different from the bartender's. “Welcome, would you like to sit?”.
You sit beside him and thank them before ordering your favourite drink.
The man sitting beside you, shy looking offered his hand to you “My name’s Paterson, nice to meet you”. Taking his hand to shake you tell him your name and it was your pleasure.
The bartender came with your drink, placing it on the bar before wiping his hand on the towel that sat on his left shoulder and offering you his large hand. “Names Clyde, you new in this here parts?”
That night you had talked about having just moved to the area, learning Paterson was also new, a bus driver hailing from Paterson, New Jersey, moving here for a fresh start after a heartbreaking divorce on his part.
You learned Clyde was a homegrown Boone County boy who’d served two tours in Iraq where he’d lost his left hand, in fact both men had served, though neither really wanted to talk about their experiences, Clyde only ever did in conjunction to the Logan family curse he sometimes got carried away with talking about, and that Clyde had been kind enough to let Paterson rent his spare room when he needed a place.
You all shared life stories and enjoyed each other's company so much none of you realised you'd talked long past closing time and decided to make it a weekly thing, a weekly thing that became a most nights thing.
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Tonight started like most, you got to the bar after work for dinner with Clyde and Paterson before sitting with Paterson to have drinks and chat while Clyde worked, he’d join the conversation when he could and on his breaks.
As the night went on, as much as you enjoyed yourself, you started to feel familiar unwanted thoughts creeping in. The feeling of loneliness, having been single for far too long for your liking. You just wanted someone to hug, to feel someone body and soul.
And when Paterson had gone to the bathroom and you were left to your thoughts it got worse, looking across the bar you noticed couples, sneaking little kisses when they thought no one was looking, sharing touches.
Things you wished you could have, feeling lonely in a way a platonic friendship couldn’t fully satisfy. You wanted something you’d never had, someone of your own.
It was when you saw a couple hugging that almost brought tears to your eyes, you felt your cheeks and nose get warm and your eyes well up, and swallowing became harder as you tried so hard to fight the feeling. You hadn’t noticed Clyde coming over to you till he spoke “Everything alright?”
Without looking away from the couple hugging and not thinking you reply sadly “Do you think you can crave something you’ve never had?”
Clyde looks to see what you’re looking at, when he sees the couple he returns to look at you, a concerned look on his face now, saying your name softly.
You come to your senses and shake your head trying to clear your mind and blink away the forming tears, you do your best to smile to not scare Clyde more “Sorry, yes, ignore me. I’m just tired. I should probably go, can you say goodbye to Pat for me, please? I’ll see you both later okay”
You get up to leave, quickly grabbing money for Clyde for your drinks and food. You needed to leave quickly before he asked questions and you couldn’t keep your tears in, the look he’d given you melted your heart and you couldn’t let yourself break. As you slide the money onto the bar his hand engulfs yours, so large and warm, and surprisingly soft, the feel of it gave you goosebumps, you were not used to being touched and it brought you even closer to tears. You look up to meet his sad eyes that ask you to stay without a word, his hand giving you a light squeeze.
You wished you had the courage to tell him how you felt about him, but you struggled so much with it as you felt like he could never feel the same for you, and you felt conflicted… conflicted because you didn’t just feel that way about him, but Paterson too.
You’d fallen in love with them both that first night you all met, but doubted either would want you in more than friendship, so you had decided to be content with that, they were wonderful friends and didn’t want to lose them.
You gather your strength but can only get out a soft “I’ll be okay” as you slowly and reluctantly pull your hand from his.
You get outside and tears start to fall.
“Leaving so soon?” Jumping, you turn to see Earl, sitting by the door nursing a drink and cigarette “Didn’t mean to startle you, sugar”
Giving him a quick smile and the excuse of having an early morning, you rush to your car before anyone else can stop you. Once in the car you wipe your tears and quickly start the engine, as you reverse you look back to the bar to see both Clyde and Paterson standing on the small porch watching you leave, worried looks on their faces. You felt so guilty about how you felt and for leaving them.
Beating yourself up the whole way home while your tears continued to fall, you felt so foolish for getting upset over such a silly thing. You know you shouldn’t keep wanting someone to love and be loved back, you knew you were destined to be alone and felt you should just get over it and stop wishing for it.
By the time you got home, you were exhausted from crying, you also had several missed calls and texts from both men, asking you to call them back or at least let them know you were okay and that they were here for you.
You messaged them you were fine as you climbed into your cold lonely bed, crying some more while hugging a pillow tight, wishing you had one or both of them for company.
What you didn't know is that night they both shared some revelations about you and started making plans to act on them... Together.