Chapter Text
Natasha wakes confuse as she takes a look around her surroundings. She's back at the compound which is impossible because she died. She remembers jumping off that damn cliff, remembers fighting Clint, and remembers making sure that her best friend would not be the one to jump. She grabs the phone on the bed stands, turns it around to look at the screen to see that the date is April 26, 2018. This has to be some kind of cruel joke or something because either I've lost my mind or I really time travel back and came back to life. She thinks as she makes her way to the bathroom to dress. Her mind is split, two different set of memories. Memories of a different life she didn't live and another that she did.
Is that my jacket?
She's not alone.
Pain only makes you stronger.
Never let them take your heart.
How did you keep your heart?
Bullshit. You just didn't want your baby sister to tag along whilst you saved the world with the cool kids.
We're both upside down.
Please don't say that. It was real, it was real to me.
Forgive me, little sister.
It was real to me too.
My girls, are the toughest girls in the world.
You're gonna take care of each other, okay?
Family, back together again.
She knows those memories, remembers living it. But there are memories that are not hers. She did not live them.
Mama! Lexie is being a meanie.
Mama! Wake up, wake up!
Happy Birthday, my little spider.
Nat, babe, we can't paint the nursery that. I don't think Nena and Nessa would like that color.
They're babies, love, I doubt they would care what color their nursery would be.
They're happy memories, a life she always wanted but never had but yet it seems that she had lived it. She looks around the room realizing it wasn't the same as it was before. It was more decorated, more personal. There are pictures hanging on the walls. She walks to the closest one and takes it down to take a closer look. Surprise surges over her. It was a picture of her family, her Ohio family. A family portrait but with more people in it. She sees Melina, but her mind automatically corrects it to Mama which takes her by surprise as a memory she doesn't recall ever happening plays in her head.
She's around 15 years old in the memories, yet she knows that she was never 15 in Ohio. She had been 11 when she was forced to return to the Red Room. But in this memory, she's still in Ohio with her family. Her younger self seems to be getting ready for something.
“Mama, can we stay?” Her 15 year old self asks. Natasha remembers asking the same question in the life she lived except she had been younger when she had asked it.
“For as long as we want to,” Her mother answers even though they both know it's a lie but the 15 year old is content with it, lets it be a real answer rather than a lie. A hope to grasp on. “ I hope you and your sister never have to go back there.”
“I don't want to go back there,” the 15 year old confess.
“I don't want to go back either, baby,” her mother says kissing the top of her head as she pulls her into an embrace.
The memory ends there and it leaves Natasha longing for it. She wants to be in the warm embrace of her mother. It also leaves her confused as hell because she's never known Melina —Mama— to be as affectionate as she was in that memory. There's a slight envy towards the 15 year old version of her that got to have the maternal love that she's always longed for. She envies the woman whose memories she has now. Envies how she got to have everything she had ever dreamed of but never got. She's pulled into another memory when she looks at Alexei —Papa— in the picture.
“C'mon little spider!” Her father cheers. She's around the same age as she was in the previous memory. “ C'mon baby, you got this!” She's playing in a soccer match which she doesn't ever recall ever playing when she was in Ohio. She makes a goal and she's beaming upon hearing her father's booming voice followed by the rest of her family.
The memories aren't hers or well memories she's never lived but a version of her did. She realizes that now. She needs to find Wanda, the only person that would probably know what's going on with her mind. She realizes that Wanda was also in the picture and once again she's pulled into another memory.
“You couldn't ask me out normally?” She's older in this memory. She looks around 29-30. In this memory, she's outside a destroyed base, she's assuming a Hydra base by the looks of it and the fact that she's cradling a bleeding Wanda in her arms.
“Nope, I'm weird, remember?” Wanda gasps out, breath labored. Natasha frowns as she continues to watch the memory. Yes she knew that she was attracted to the Sokovian woman from the moment she saw her in her red leather jacket but she knew that she would never have the chance with her since the woman had developed a bond with Vision. It was an almost relationship had they had the timing right. So it kinda makes her jealous at the fact that this other version of her got the chance to be with Wanda. It makes her wonder though, what happened to Vision? She remembers how much the younger woman loved that Android and how much it destroyed her when she learned that she would have to kill him in order for Thanos not to get the mind stone.
“I do, little witch,” memory version of her replies. “ Save your breath, okay. Piet is almost here and once we get you healed up, you owe me a proper date without you dying on me okay?”
“Okay,” Wanda replies before her eyes closed.
She looks at the last person in the picture. It's a little girl with dirty blonde hair that looks like her mini-me except with blonde hair instead of red. This time she was prepared for the memory.
In this memory, she's in hospital, she's pacing, anxiety rolling off of her.
“Relax, sestra,” Yelena tells her. It surprises her to see Yelena. She looks the same as she did the last time she had seen Yelena before the blonde was blipped. There's an urge to hug the blonde but she knew it'd be impossible since she's in a memory. “ Your baby is gonna be fine.” Natasha frowns at that. What the hell is Yelena talking about? A second later her question is answered when a nurse strolls in with a cot containing a small bundle wrap in what looked a hand-made quilt. “ See what did I tell you.” Her sister says almost smug. She watches memory her, pick up the sleeping baby in her arms. She watches the memory version of her fall in love with her child.
“She's perfect,” Memory her says, her index finger lightly tracing the slope of her baby's nose. Natasha felt tears in her eyes when she saw the baby's eyes. Baby blue. It was the same blue as when she was a kid. She wonders if the baby's eyes will change when she's older or if it's permanent.
“She looks just like her mothers,” She hears Yelena comment.
“Your partner is doing alright, just sleeping after,” the nurse informs the memory version her who nods not taking her eyes off her daughter.
She sits down on the bed, to regain her bearing after watching that memory. She or this version of her has a daughter. She's pulled into another memory.
The memory is still at the hospital so she's assuming this memory takes place after the previous memory because memory her is in a room with Wanda on the bed, talking to Pietro. She's gonna assume that Pietro is still alive in this universe if he's there in her memory. Natasha frowns when she notices that Wanda was holding another baby in her arm. Did Wanda give birth to another baby? She wonders. Yelena had said baby. Not babies so maybe this another memory?
“How's baby James?” Asks memory her. Baby James? Natasha thought. Do they have a son? And they named him James?
“He's good, just finished feeding him. Do you wanna trade?” Wanda asks. Natasha watches the way memory her slightly hesitant before switching with Wanda.
“I know that he's not yours and I know you wish that he was. I'm sorry that he isn't yours,” Wanda says. Natasha's eyes furrow. What did she mean that James is not hers?
“It's not your fault, my love,” Memory her tells the little witch, placing a kiss on the hand that was intertwined with the younger woman. “ He's yours and that's all that matters to me. Most importantly, he's the twin brother of our daughter so he's practically mine.” Wanda chuckles.
“Guess he's all of ours. Yours, Mine, James, and Steve,” Wanda tells her. “ I mean two moms and two dads are better than none.”
Natasha was completely lost. Cause what the actual fuck? So does she not have a son? She looks up at the sound of someone entering the apartment.