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John let out the loudest grunt known to mankind when Sophie, Miss Eloise’s new maid, told him that the third-born Bridgerton asked for a lift at this ungodly hour. He was supposed to be sleeping soundly and enjoying the comfort of his soft mattress at this time, not scurrying the stables to prepare the family carriage. Though he visibly had complaints, he made sure to conceal it in his actions as he greeted Master Colin at the door.
“Mr. Bridgerton, your carriage is ready. Where are we off to?” he asked, dipping his head as he spoke. When he looked up, he was greeted by a signature charming smile that made him momentarily forget that he was the same man who ruined his peaceful slumber.
“To the Featherington Manor, John.” his master replied. He wanted to call him out and say that six in the morning was too early for a social call, but the words never made it out of his mouth, especially after seeing how excited he was. In the end, he just nodded and boarded the carriage with no objections.
He didn’t know what business his master had with the Featheringtons, except for the fact that he had been frequenting the estate to meet Miss Penelope, the late Baron Featherington’s youngest daughter. Though unaware of what is currently transpiring between them, servants in Number Five (including himself) all expressed their delight that Master Colin had finally taken an interest in someone again following his disastrous engagement three seasons prior. Just the other day, Laurie, the scullery maid, and Humphrey, Master Gregory’s valet, started a bet among servants on how long it would take for them to reach the altar. Good sport as he was, John joined in the fun and bet a quarter of his wage that his master and Miss Penelope would tie the knot in a month and a half.
The Featheringtons lived a few streets away from Number Five and in front of the Bridgerton House–the current residence of Viscount Bridgerton and his Viscountess–so the ride didn’t take that long. Once he caught a glimpse of the Featherington Manor, he positioned the carriage in front of the porch and quickly jumped off his seat to open the door for his master.
Much to his surprise, gone was the smile he harbored mere moments ago. His demeanor now reeked with confusion and distraught.
Before he could ask what was wrong, Master Colin gripped him tightly in the shoulder. “Come with me,” he commanded as he led him near the side entrance of the manor. When they secured their position behind a large bush, John stretched out his head and saw what his master had been riled about.
Miss Penelope, clad in a maid outfit he doesn’t know why she had in the first place, was standing near the servants’ door as a hired hack approached her. She gave the driver a knowing smile before entering the carriage, making it seem that this wasn’t the first time she sought his assistance.
“Bloody hell, Penelope,” his master mumbled as he gritted his teeth, his face now fuming in anger while he watched the hired hack drive away from the manor. One glance at him and he already felt how much he wanted to chase the carriage by foot and drag the young lady out to shake some sense into her.
Working for the Bridgertons for almost half his life, John had been well-acquainted with the imbecilic rules of the gentry. Miss Penelope was a gently-bred lady, hence, she wasn’t allowed to wear such clothes nor embark on an expedition without a chaperone. Additionally, she wasn’t allowed to traipse around the city, in a hired hack, no less. If anyone saw her today, she’d surely be featured in the next Whistledown column, undoubtedly dooming her to a whirlwind of scandal and potential spinsterhood.
Now realizing the gravity of the situation, Master Colin took a sharp breath and looked at him with resolute eyes. “I need to know where she’s going,” he said, not as a request but more of a declaration. “Follow the hired hack and keep your distance, I don’t want her to recognize us.”
Understanding the urgency in his words, John ran back to the carriage. Once his master had settled inside, he climbed on the driver’s seat and prayed to God he and his horses would have enough stamina to reach Miss Penelope’s hired hack.
It was a blessing that her carriage didn’t move as fast as he expected, allowing him to catch up and carefully trail behind it. Amidst the thrill of it all, John didn’t notice that they'd traveled much farther east than he would have anticipated. Hell, they were nearly in the City, where peasants, tradesmen, and thieves gathered in one place. At this moment, he finally grasped the depth of his master’s vexation. Indeed, what in God’s name was Miss Penelope planning to do in such a perilous place?
As his mind kept spewing speculations, the hack he was following stopped in front of an old church–St. Brides–as the inscriptions on the gate said. Good thing the church was situated in a public area, since it made the carriage blend in with others surrounding the perimeter. While he parked theirs a few feet away from the entrance, he saw a familiar redhead disembark from the hired hack and walk towards the church. Once she completely disappeared from his view, he got off the carriage and informed his master of what he saw.
“Mr. Bridgerton, Miss Featherington just entered the church.”
“I see,” he responded icily, slightly loosening the knot of his cravat. “I will send her hack away. In the meantime, please remain here and await our return.”
John, the dutiful driver that he was, obeyed his order and waited patiently for them. After ten minutes of nervously pacing back and forth, his master eventually came out from the church, holding the hand of a frantic Penelope Featherington. She looked left and right, hoping to catch the hack that she rented prior. When she saw no signs of it, her breath started coming in short, sharp gasps, accompanied by droplets of tears that prickled her eyes.
“Colin, where is my carriage?” she seethingly asked, wiggling her hand away from his master’s tight grip.
“I sent him away.”
“How on earth will I make it back to Mayfair, then?”
“You’ll be coming back with me.”
“Are you insane? I couldn’t… If anyone saw us together, what do you think–”
“Good god, Penelope! I don’t give a damn about what anyone says, we're in the middle of the City of London, so far from our home in Mayfair that we might as well have been in France!” Master Colin answered, his voice now growing louder than it was earlier.
John knew his master didn’t possess a temper that paralleled the Viscount’s, that’s why like Miss Penelope, he was shocked by his sudden outburst.
“I–I’m sorry for raising my voice.” he started, staring intently at her to express his apology. “I just… I need you to understand that what matters most to me right now is your safety. Your hack has already left the vicinity so please, Pen, let’s forget our grievances for a short while and allow me to accompany you home.”
Miss Penelope was hesitant at first, but in the end, she acknowledged her lack of options and just nodded in agreement. After Master Colin assisted her in boarding the carriage, he made his way towards him to provide instructions. “John, take the long way to the Featherington Manor. Penelope and I have a lot to discuss.”
“Of course, Sir.”
For the third time this morning, John climbed into the driver’s seat, a frown now slowly forming on his face. When they return to Number Five later, he’d definitely ask his master to at least give him a few pounds as compensation for dragging him all over town today.
The first few minutes of their ride back home had been blissful. Silence was good, silence was great, especially for a sleep-deprived driver like himself. Unfortunately for him, this brief bubble of delight burst easily when he started hearing the voices of his passengers. After a few turns, their voices became more tumultuous and incessant, allowing him to overhear bits of their conversation.
"I'd like to destroy Whistledown. You, I'm happy to leave as is." said a male voice, certainly belonging to his master.
Whistledown? Why are they talking about the scandalmonger?
"For God's sake, you talk as if she were a separate person!” Miss Penelope yelled, pure exasperation palpable in her tone.
“Because I cannot fathom that my closest friend, my confidante, is the same harridan wreaking havoc every season!”
Does he mean… he couldn’t possibly mean…
“Whether you like it or not, you must accept that Penelope Featherington and Lady Whistledown are the same person. If you want to destroy her, you’d have to destroy me too.”
WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL?
John almost lost his grip on the reins upon hearing this shocking revelation. Who would’ve thought that the kind and shy Miss Penelope was Lady Whistledown, the infamous scandalmonger whose identity remained a mystery for the past three years?
He wanted to pry and seek more information, but the sudden flurry of people on Tottenham Court Road steered him away from eavesdropping. In an attempt to prevent their carriage from accidentally bumping into pedestrians, he ordered the horses to slow down, which wasn’t an easy feat considering how fast their pace was a few seconds ago. The carriage continued rolling slowly until they were completely stopped by heavy traffic near Bloomsbury.
The exact moment he pulled the reins to put the carriage into a halt, John heard a high-pitched yelp coming from the cabin. At first, he thought the sound was merely caused by their sudden change in speed. However, Master Colin and Miss Penelope’s shouting voices were replaced by something all the more… different.
One didn’t live for thirty-six years and did not recognize the sounds of sexual pleasure.
To say that this was the most awkward ride he had in his whole life as a carriage driver for the Bridgertons had been an understatement. His embarrassment and uneasiness throughout this whole ordeal were way more dreadful than the shame he felt when he escorted the Viscount three seasons ago to tup his mistress before Miss Daphne’s presentation to the queen. Much like anyone else, he expected this behavior to come from Lord Bridgerton or Master Benedict… not from Master Colin, who never had the reputation of a rake.
Yes, Master Colin might have been a flirt, but even so, everyone in the household would agree that he was still the most gentlemanly of them all. Despite his brothers’ constant goading about him being “green”, he never frequented brothels and tupped servants or widows. That’s why it surprised him that his master’s final thread of honor finally snapped in the mere presence of Miss Penelope.
He wanted to pretend not to hear anything for the remainder of the ride, but the moans and pleas started growing stronger for him to ignore. Mostly it was Miss Penelope showering him with praises and begging him to go faster and deeper, but he also recognized his master’s voice, telling her how beautiful she was and how ravenous he was for her. He could only imagine how his master and his beloved were coping inside the carriage, considering that the space was too small for them to try conventional mating positions.
Desperate to end his misery more than ever, John did his best to maneuver the carriage to Mayfair as fast as he could once the roads were clear. His torment only saw its end when they reached the side entrance of the Featherington Manor, the same place where Miss Penelope boarded the hired hack earlier. After he successfully positioned the carriage away from passersby, he quickly left the driver seat and softly knocked on the door.
“Miss Featherington, Mr. Bridgerton, we’re here,” he informed them in a quiet voice.
In a matter of minutes, the two of them emerged from the carriage, looking more flush and disheveled than they were outside the church. Master Colin walked the young lady to the servants’ entrance and then placed a kiss on top of her gloved hand.
“I will call on you in the afternoon, Pen.” Master Colin muttered, his tone honeyed as his thumbs massaged the young lady’s knuckles.
In return, Miss Penelope smiled and gave him a peck on the cheek. “Rest assured that I’ll be expecting you later,” she replied, letting go of his hand. She gave her one last glance before she disappeared into her home. “Until then, Colin.”
When the door in front of them finally closed, Master Colin immediately turned to him, grinning ear to ear like a lovesick puppy.
Good, he was in a great mood. Now is the perfect time to make negotiations.
“Mr. Bridgerton, I believe I do deserve some compensation for everything that has happened today.” he implored with a straight face, his gaze stern and unwavering.
Master Colin paused, pondering his request. Thank the heavens it was him he was with right now, because he would’ve winded up jobless by the end of the day if he dared attempt this kind of bribery in front of Lord Bridgerton.
Once he made up his mind, he nodded his head slowly a couple of times. “Seventy pounds, and please do not tell my Mother our whereabouts this morning. She’d have my head on the platter if she knew what I… well…” he said, his voice nervously trailing off. The Dowager Viscountess was, indeed, a force to be reckoned with, so his master had every right to be afraid of her wrath. If she knew his son defiled Miss Penelope, she’d force the Viscount to request a special license from the Archbishop to have them married within the week.
As tempting as that offer was, he was a greedy man at heart. He knew he could make the third Bridgerton shell out more money, especially in such a dire situation where his honor is currently dangling at his feet. So, without hesitation, he pursed his lips and cleared out his throat. “I don’t think that’s enough. How about ninety pounds, Mr. Bridgerton?”
His master’s eyes went as large as saucers because of his audacity. “Hell and devil, you sound like Hyacinth!”
“Is that a compliment, Sir?”
“Certainly not, considering how often that little menace likes to extort me.” Master Colin let out a hearty chuckle, clearly enjoying the banter. “Might I remind you that I’m a meager third son, perpetually short of funds, I'm afraid."
"You're as plump in the pocket as at least three earls. Well, maybe not earls, but a few viscounts, and most barons, to be sure." he retorted defensively. “One hundred pounds, I will not speak to a soul about what happened and I’ll have the carriage cleaned before you call on Miss Penelope this afternoon.”
Master Colin laughed, loud enough for people to start noticing their presence. “You really are not going let this slide, huh?”
“I’m afraid not, Sir.”
“Very well then, consider the deal closed.” his master mumbled, raising both his hands in defeat. “I’ll give you the money once we reach Number Five.”
“Thank you very much for your kindness, Mr. Bridgerton,” John responded triumphantly. His master just gave him a curt nod and climbed onto the carriage.
“Oh, and one more thing Sir, can I ask when do you plan to marry the lady?”
Master Colin raised his eyebrows, confused at his sudden interest in his nuptials. Despite not knowing where his intentions lie, he decided to answer his query with utmost honesty. “After a month and a half? I have not compromised her in a way she would be with child, so I’m planning to court her publicly before issuing a proposal.”
“I see,” John replied, now mimicking the smile his master had when Miss Penelope kissed him on the cheek.
He was not one to encourage gambling and bribery, but he couldn’t help but feel giddy at the thought of getting himself a new pair of boots or a few cheap rings with one hundred pounds. Furthermore, if Master Colin was true to his words, the money he gambled with Laurie and Humphrey would at least be tripled, allowing him to book himself a trip to a pub on his day off.
After John hopped on the carriage for the fourth time, a smirk escaped his lips as he commanded the horses to start galloping back to Number Five.
Maybe this horrendous trip was a blessing in disguise, after all.