(T)suki

by Ranae_des_Roses

Summary:

(Sequel to Invisible Map)

With the deck of Sakura Cards complete, and Eriol returned to England, Yue now faces the question of what to do with this future that he has come to accept. Yukito, Touya, and Sakura are eager to strengthen their bonds with him, and while he finds himself yearning for those deeper connections, it also makes him grapple with feelings he promised himself he would never again indulge after Clow's death.

Chapter 1: Morning

Notes:

Here it is, the sequel to Invisible Map!! The title is a pun, which I picked because it's what we all thought the conclusion to Touya's "Ore wa omae ga" sentence was going to be... suki!! And of course this story is about our boys getting together, which Yue doesn't think he's going to get to be a part of, but Yuki and Touya have other plans ;) So Yue is there in the title, in parentheses, as "tsuki", which means "moon", because he doesn't think he's part of the "suki", but he totally is. (It's a slowish burn, but I'm giving it a "mature" rating for a reason, so if you're not into that watch the chapter notes for warnings.)

Why did I think I could write a sequel in a month?? (Answer: ADHD hubris lol) Here it is almost a year later, and I'm posting earlier than I'd like honestly, because I don't like to post unless I'm like DONE done, because I often go back and add stuff back in earlier parts as I write. Which happened anyway!! Like ten pages into writing this sequel I found a conversation I needed to go back and add to Invisible Map between Yue and Yuki. So if you read Invisible Map prior to today, February 29th, 2024, you might go back and read chapter eight again because I added a short scene. It's not much, but Yuki references it in this chapter so it needed to go in.

But I'm posting it today because it's Touya's birthday!! Touya is a leap year baby, and I couldn't resist posting a CCS fic on his birthday, especially because it only comes around once every four years. I just wanna see that date pop up every time I check on this fic here lol. Though it seems I have been foiled perhaps by Ao3 being in a different timezone than I am. Oh well. Happy Birthday, Touya. So here goes, and I might retroactively add stuff back in as we go along, but I'll let you know in the notes as we go.

Also, this story picks up RIGHT where Invisible Map left off (like literally minutes later), so if it's been a while you might want to re-read that last scene as a refresher.

Japanese used in this chapter:
Onii-chan = older brother, this is what Sakura calls Touya
kaijuu = monster, Touya's affectionate nickname for Sakura to annoy her
gomen = sorry
hai = yes
arigatou = thank you
Tou-san = dad, this is what Touya and Sakura call Fujitaka

 

 

 

The quiet click of the door opening made Yue turn sharply. It was morning, and Touya had just slipped out of the bedroom to go to the bathroom. It was too soon for him to have returned, so who could possibly be coming in to Touya’s room unannounced?

Keroberos peeked in with an expression that was both cautious and suspicious on his tiny teddy bear-like face. Yue fixed him with a flat-eyed stare. Of course it was Keroberos. He was the only one in the house who would be rude enough to open a door without knocking.

“Yue!” Keroberos exclaimed in a stage-whisper that he probably thought was quiet. “What are you doing in Sakura’s brother’s room?”

Yue cocked an eyebrow at him. Keroberos was oblivious at times, but surely he wasn’t that oblivious? Had he really not noticed the growing… something between Yue and Touya? “What are you doing sneaking in here without knocking?” Yue shot back instead of answering.

“I thought I sensed you here, so I came to check,” Keroberos replied, unaware of or ignoring Yue’s reproachful tone. “I didn’t think the snow bunny had come over last night, so I wasn’t expecting you. Who did your hair like that?”

“Eriol,” Yue replied. “Who else?”

“Kero-chan? Where’d you go?” Sakura hissed into the hallway a moment before her anxious face appeared in the gap of the half-open door. She caught sight of Keroberos in her brother’s room and looked mortified. “Kero-chan! What are you doing in Onii-chan’s room?!” she whisper-yelled. Then she saw Yue beyond Keroberos and her expression shifted to surprise. “Yue-san? I didn’t know you were here.”

“Oi, kaijuu,” Touya drawled behind her. Keroberos froze in midair and dropped to the floor, pretending to be a plushie. “What are you doing with your face in my room?”

Sakura jumped and flailed in apology. “Ahh, gomen, gomen! The door was open and I saw Yue-san…”

Touya reached over Sakura’s head and pushed the door open all the way. His eyes went to Yue, who was on the far side of the room at the window, then to Keroberos, who lay unmoving in the middle of the floor, and finally back to Yue, with the barest hint of amusement. Yue, with a completely straight face, crossed the room to scoop Keroberos off the floor and brought him to Sakura.

“Here,” he said to Sakura, offering her the rigid, unblinking form of Keroberos. “You dropped your toy.” Keroberos twitched in Yue’s hand.

“H-hai,” Sakura managed, accepting Keroberos and glancing uncertainly between Yue and Touya, who both were maintaining nearly identical straight faces. “Arigatou.” She bit her lip. “Yue-san, your hair looks really pretty. Could I take a picture?”

Yue blinked, surprised. “Alright.”

“Thanks!” Sakura smiled, heading back to her room. “I’ll be right back with a camera.”

Touya slipped inside his room and closed the door. He caught Yue’s eye and broke out in laughter, which he tried to smother behind one hand. Yue fought against a smile of his own.

“You have an amazing poker-face,” said Touya, quietly cackling.

Yue pressed his lips together, trying not to laugh. Touya’s running gag was a lot more fun from this side of it. “I thought Keroberos might bite me for calling him a toy.”

“He might have, if I hadn’t been looking directly at him,” Touya chuckled. They made eye-contact again, and then had to turn away from each other to keep from bursting back into laughter as Sakura knocked at the door. Touya managed to straighten his face out before opening the door to let her in. She came in with her camera, sans Keroberos, and looking none the wiser.

“Did you do your hair like that, Yue-san?” she asked, craning to get a better look at the elaborate arrangement of braids and flowers. Yue turned around for her obligingly.

“No. Eriol did it,” Yue replied. “The flowers are from his garden.”

“Wow,” Sakura breathed. “I didn’t know he could do hair like that.”

“He has memories from Clow about how to do it,” Yue explained. “Clow used to do this kind of thing with my hair every so often.”

“Oh, that’s amazing,” said Sakura. She held up the camera and looked through the lens. “I’m not sure how to get it all in one shot though…”

“Give it here.” Touya held out one hand. Sakura passed him the camera. Touya shuttled Yue over to the window, positioning him under the morning sunlight. Yue raised inquisitive moon-white eyebrows at him. “What? It should be a good shot. I want a copy,” Touya informed him. Yue flushed. Touya turned Yue to face mostly away so the back of the hairstyle would be visible, and then stood back, holding up the camera. “Look at me over your shoulder,” he said. Yue obliged him, though his face was still a little warm. Touya snapped the picture. “Perfect.” He held the camera out to Sakura, who came over to get it. “Make sure you have Tomoyo-chan develop that roll. Don’t give it to Tou-san.”

“Okay!” said Sakura. “Thank you, Onii-chan, Yue-san!” She left, closing the door behind her.

Alone with Touya once more, Yue turned to him. “Thank you for letting me stay last night. I’m sorry to have dropped in on you unannounced in that way.”

“No need to apologize,” replied Touya. “I’m glad you did, and you’re more than welcome to do it again.”

Yue felt his cheeks heating again. “I… will keep that in mind.”

“Do that,” Touya smiled.

“I’ll take Yukito home now,” said Yue, picking up Clow’s cloak from Touya’s desk chair and swinging it around his shoulders. “I’m sure he will meet you on the way to school, as usual.”

“That’s a nice cloak,” Touya commented.

“It was Clow’s,” said Yue.

“Ah,” replied Touya. “I take it he was tall.”

Yue smiled a little. “He was.”

Touya walked with him to the window and pushed it open. “I’ll see you soon?” he asked with a tentative hopefulness that told Yue that Touya was talking about him, specifically, not Yukito.

Yue’s breath caught. “If… if you like.”

“I would like,” Touya replied, his dark eyes warm.

“Okay,” Yue agreed, feeling his face warm again. He climbed out the window before Touya could fluster him any further, materialized his wings, and took off.

When Yue arrived at Yukito’s house, he first put Clow’s cloak in Yukito’s coat closet, and then took the brush and box of combs from the pockets and put them upstairs in Yukito’s room. He caught sight of himself in Yukito’s full-length mirror and paused, admiring the beautiful work Eriol had done on his hair. He hoped it would last through the change into Yukito and back, but he tried to commit it to memory in case it didn’t. Then he went downstairs and made a quick breakfast for Yukito before transforming.

Yukito opened his eyes and found himself sitting on a zabuton with breakfast laid out on the table in front of him. He blinked. Oh… is it morning?

It is, Yue replied, contrite. Apologies. I only got a few hours of sleep last night, so you’ll likely be tired today.

Oh, that’s alright. I told you to take as long as you needed. Thank you for breakfast. Yukito gave thanks and started to eat. Did your time with Hiiragizawa-kun go well?

It did. Thank you, said Yue, letting Yukito feel his deep gratitude. I appreciate you giving me the time, and I’m sorry to have inconvenienced you for something non-essential.

No need to apologize, Yukito assured him. That was hardly non-essential, even if no one was in danger. Your feelings are important, Yue. That’s very much worth losing some sleep over.

Thank you, Yue said again, with a rush of warmth for his other self.

Are you… sad that he’s leaving? Yukito asked gently.

Yes, Yue admitted. But I feel better about it than I did before. My time with Clow has ended. I’ve accepted that. Eriol wants his own life. Not just to repeat Clow’s. And Sakura is my master now. I realized that I would not go with Eriol now, even if he asked. I don’t wish to leave Aruji’s side. And I don’t want to take you away from your life here.

Yukito considered that as he ate. You know, Yue, we both share this body. It’s equally ours. Actually, it’s more yours than mine, isn’t it? I’m the false form.

Yue started to protest, but Yukito heard it before Yue could put it into words and interrupted him.

I know you feel like I’m the one with a ‘real life,’ but… Yukito paused, trying to put his thoughts together. But that’s only because you’ve been hiding, right? Now, though, Touya knows about you, and Sakura-chan, and probably some of her friends, too, right? I’m not more important than you, Yue. You don’t have to wait until there’s some magical reason to come out. You should come out, too, just to… just to live.

Yue didn’t know what to say. Instead, he dropped his mental shields and let Yukito hear the wave of mixed emotions he hadn’t even fully labeled yet. There was longing and desire for connection and relationship that he’d been trying to ignore since he woke up from his magical sleep, but also guilt and uncertainty about his right to take Yukito away from his life for reasons other than his duty to Sakura.

Yes, that’s what I mean, said Yukito in response. We share this body. It’s not fair that I’m the one who’s using it most of the time. I know you’re interested in more than just duty, Yue, I feel it from you. You told me that you think I’m more real because I have family and you don’t. But I think you could have family. Sakura-chan said she wants you to be her friend, right? Not just her guardian. And I know Touya likes you. Just because you can’t walk in the mundane world doesn’t mean that you can’t have family with those of us who know about you.

You should hurry and get ready for school, Yue prompted. I didn’t leave you much time.

Yukito glanced at the clock. Okay. But please think about it. I care about you, Yue. You shouldn’t have to be alone.

I’m not alone, Yue countered. I’m never alone. I have you with me, always. And you’re a very good friend, Yukito. He felt Yukito getting ready to argue the point again, so he quickly added, But I will think about what you’ve said. Thank you.

 

 

“To-ya,” said Yukito as the two of them ate lunch together. “Do you get along with Yue?”

Yue, idly drifting under Yukito’s consciousness, mentally froze at the question, as he turned his half-curious, half-mortified attention on Touya.

Touya choked a little as he swallowed. “Um. Yes? I think so. Why? Did he say something?”

“No, it’s just… we were talking this morning, and I told him I think he should come out more. You know, for more than just magic stuff,” said Yukito. “But it’s not like I can spend time with him when he’s out. So I wanted to ask you about it.”

“Oh, I see.” Touya looked like he was holding back a smile. “I’ve pretty much said the same thing to him.”

“You have?” Yukito asked, surprised and delighted.

“Yeah.” Touya rubbed the back of his neck self-consciously. “I hope that’s okay. I know that’s… time that you lose.”

“No, that’s great!” Yukito assured him. “I mean, we do share a body. It’s not fair that I get most of the time with it. Before I… before I existed, he didn’t have to share at all. I want him to have family. Like I get to have family, with you and Sakura-chan, and everyone.”

Touya smiled fondly at Yukito. “I want that, too. I’m glad that’s okay with you.”

“I’m glad that’s okay with you, too,” Yukito smiled back.

Yue took in the exchange, feeling both touched and trepidatious. It was terrifying to want this, what Yukito and Touya were trying to offer. The emotional weight of what he wanted was immense. He was afraid to even look at it, to even think that he could possibly have it.

He could be satisfied with what he had already, if they left it here. It was a bit lonely, still, but it was more than he’d thought possible after Clow had died. If he opened his heart any more than this, he wasn’t sure he could close it again if he needed to.

But he did want more. He wanted it like he was starving, and he was afraid that if he even looked at that hunger, it would consume him.

 

 

 

 

Notes:

Short first chapter, but they'll be longer from here. I will put up chapter two next Thursday. Not sure how long I can keep up a weekly schedule before I face-plant, but we'll see.

Chapter 2: Realizations

Summary:

Touya, Yukito, and Yue support Sakura through her feelings, and later Yue makes a decision about his own.

Notes:

Firstly: Y'ALL, I GOT GIFTED FANART FOR INVISIBLE MAP!! AND IT'S AMAZING!!

The incredible Toast ( @ottostoast ) made a MULTI-PANEL comic for part of Yue and Touya's exchange in the kitchen from Chapter 7 of Invisible Map, and I am absolutely over the moon (insert pun about moon and Yue here) at how fantastic it is. The expressions! The tone! It's so very lovely <3

Please go check it out Here!! Toast also has other gorgeous fanart for our favorite boys posted, so please go give them some love!!

 

Now for chapter notes:

This chapter refers to events from Episode 70: "Sakura and Her True Feelings", but uses the version portrayed in the Clear Card Prologue: "Sakura and the Two Bears", which matches the manga's version of these events.

Translations for Japanese used in this chapter:

Onii-chan = older brother, this is what Sakura calls Touya
Yokatta = I'm glad (lit. "it was good")
Douzo = Please go ahead and do that
Arigatou = thank you
Itadakimasu = prayer phrase spoken before eating (lit. "I am receiving (a gift)")
Suki = like, or in this context, love
Hoe = Sakura's way of saying "huh?" when she's surprised or confused
Konnichi wa = hello, good day
Iie = lit. "no", but in this context "it's alright"
Aruji = master, as in "Master of the Clow", this is what Yue calls Sakura
Aruji dakara = in this context, "(of course I did that) Because it's Sakura"
Oyasumi = good night

 

 

 

Yukito was helping Touya make dinner at the Kinomotos’ when Sakura came home, rushing right up the stairs without any kind of greeting.

“Sakura-chan?” Yukito gazed after her, concerned. “Did something happen?”

“Yeah, something did,” Touya replied, disgruntled. He didn’t stop working at the stove, though.

Yukito looked at him curiously. “What is it?”

“The thing that I didn’t want to happen, but I knew would happen,” replied Touya, and refused to elaborate further.

It turned out the thing that was happening was that Li was leaving Japan and returning to Hong Kong. Yukito and Touya, by mutual, unspoken agreement, stayed up studying in Touya’s room as long as Sakura’s light was still on, though they both dozed off a few times. Touya made pancakes in the middle of the night, and Yukito delivered a tray of them to Sakura’s room. In the morning, Touya gave her a ride on his newly-purchased motorbike to the airport bus station so she could give Li the bear she’d stayed up all night to make. Yukito watched them go, and then went into the kitchen to make a big breakfast for when they returned. Fortunately, it was a Sunday, so none of them had school.

Yukito was setting the table when the other two returned. Sakura looked teary but glad. They both washed up and came into the dining area.

“Did you get to give it to him?” Yukito asked her, thinking he already knew the answer.

“Yeah,” Sakura beamed, nodding. “Thanks to Onii-chan.”

“Yokatta,” Yukito smiled. He set a full plate down at her place at the table. “Douzo.”

“Arigatou!” Sakura sat down. “Itadakimasu!”

Touya sat down across from her. “Thanks, Yuki. Itadakimasu.”

Sakura made a valiant effort to make cheerful conversation while they ate together, but it was clear that she was still fighting back tears. When they’d finished their meal, Yukito got up and knelt next to Sakura’s chair while Touya cleared away the dishes.

“Sakura-chan,” he said gently, “you don’t have to force yourself to be cheerful for our sakes. It’s okay to cry when you feel sad.”

Sakura’s eyes welled. “But… you both helped me out a lot, so I could give the bear to Syaoran-kun. I’m happy about that.”

“We know that you are,” Yukito smiled. “But it’s okay if your sadness about Li-kun going away is bigger than that happiness.”

Sakura’s tears spilled over. “It is bigger. It’s… really big.”

“Of course it is,” replied Yukito. “Because your ‘suki’ is really big, isn’t it?”

“Yeah,” Sakura nodded, her voice cracking. She leaned forward and hid her face in his shoulder, trembling with quiet sobs. Yukito cupped her shoulders gently with his hands while she cried.

When she’d quieted and was drying her face on Yukito’s handkerchief, making apologies and thank yous, Yue gave Yukito an unobtrusive nudge.

“Oh,” Yukito smiled. “Sakura-chan, Yue wants to talk to you.”

“Hoe?” Sakura blinked. Then she smiled as well. “Okay.”

White feathered wings swept between them, and then it was Yue kneeling in front of Sakura.

“Konnichi wa, Yue-san,” Sakura beamed, dabbing self-consciously at her eyes. “Sorry I’m still crying.”

“Iie,” Yue murmured, brushing fresh tears from her lashes. “It’s understandable to be sad, when you can’t be with someone you care deeply for.”

Sakura stilled and looked at him then, listening intently.

“But you have grown strong enough in your magic, and the two of you are connected enough, that even when you are apart, you should still be able to sense him in the world.” Yue tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear. “Have you tried?”

Sakura shook her head, wide-eyed. “I haven’t.”

“Think of him, and reach out with your magical senses. Remember how his presence feels, and see if you can feel it in the world.” Yue tuned in to Sakura with his own senses to observe her attempt. He saw her connection to Li activate and light up with her magic, and then Li’s magic answered hers. “He’s reaching back to you. Do you feel it?”

“Yes!” Sakura glowed with happiness, her eyes closed as she focused. “I can feel him.” Her eyes were teary again when she opened them, but she was beaming now. She threw her arms around him, startling him. “I’m so happy! Arigatou, Yue-san!”

Yue tentatively hugged her back, folding his arms around her much smaller form. She pulled back after a few seconds, still smiling at him.

“Your hair stayed in that pretty style,” Sakura noted, running her fingertips over the braids. “I like it the way it usually is, too, but this is really nice. The flowers still look fresh, too. When I write to Eriol-kun, I’ll thank him.” She smiled. “Thank you, Yue-san. You and Yukito-san helped me feel much better.” She headed for the stairs, and padded up to her room.

Yue rose and caught Touya watching from the kitchen, where he was drying dishes. Touya smiled.

“You’re good with her,” said Touya. “Thanks for helping her feel better.”

Yue flushed. “Aruji dakara,” he muttered, and vanished behind his wings. A moment later, Yukito blinked awake.

“Oh,” he said, looking around. “Did Sakura-chan leave?”

“Back in her room,” Touya replied. “She’s feeling better though.”

“Yokatta,” said Yukito, relieved. He joined Touya at the sink, taking the dishes from Touya as they were dried and putting them away. “I hope I did okay with her.”

“You did. You both did,” Touya assured him. Then he sighed in mild exasperation. “He’s so shy.”

“Yue?” Yukito smiled as Yue hid behind a mental shield in embarrassment. “He is, isn’t he? I hope someday he’ll feel more comfortable around us.” He put the last dish away in the cupboard. “Though, I think he’s starting to. He’s been asking to come out for more personal things, lately.”

“Good,” said Touya, hanging up his dish towel.

“I’m glad you like him,” said Yukito, looking up at Touya fondly.

“Of course I like him,” Touya replied. “He’s you.”

 

 

When Yukito got home, he went to go hang his coat up in the closet, and noticed Clow’s black cloak hanging inside. He ran his fingers over the material, marveling at the luxurious softness of it.

Yue, is this yours? he asked.

Yes, Yue answered. Eriol gave it to me. It was Clow’s.

It’s beautiful, said Yukito, touching the intricate embroidery along the collar.

Try it on, Yue suggested out of curiosity.

Really? Yukito blinked in surprise. I shouldn’t… it’s such a precious thing, isn’t it?

Try it. I want to see it on you, Yue insisted.

Okay, Yukito acquiesced. He carefully took the cloak off its hanger and swung it around his shoulders, fastening the clasp under his throat. “Oh, it’s heavy,” he murmured, feeling the weight hanging from his shoulders like a pendulum.

Go look in your full-length mirror, Yue urged.

Yukito went upstairs, having to lift it to avoid tripping on it as he climbed. “I feel like a princess in a ball gown,” he laughed, thinking of Touya having to play Cinderella in their school play. He went into his room and stood before the mirror, turning back and forth and making the cloak spin a little. The hem brushed the floor, and there was too much material in the shoulders. “I look like a lampshade.”

It’s not quite that bad, said Yue, amused. It is a little big, though. Clow was taller and broader than we are. He contemplated Yukito swishing the cloak back and forth in front of the mirror. It would probably fit Touya better.

“Oh, To-ya would look so good in this,” gushed Yukito. Then he blushed.

Yes, I think so as well, Yue agreed. We’ll have to have him try it on, then.

“Next time he’s over, he can try it on,” said Yukito, looking away to avoid his own blushing reflection. His eyes landed on the brush and haircomb box Yue had left on his desk. “Oh, Yue… are those yours too?”

Yes, Yue replied. You’re welcome to look.

Yukito went over to the desk and gazed at the beautiful lacquered wood and mother-of-pearl inlays of both items. “May I touch?”

Douzo. Yue watched as Yukito picked up the brush and turned it over reverently. They’re both very old. Clow had them custom made for me in China, long ago.

They’re so beautiful. Yukito picked up the haircomb box next, looking at the designs on each side. May I open it?

Go ahead, replied Yue.

“Oh, wow,” Yukito breathed, gazing down at the haircombs inside. “These are gorgeous, Yue.” He feathered his fingers over them, pensive. “Sometimes I forget… how much older you are than I am. You had a whole life before I even existed.”

Centuries, Yue acknowledged. Clow was very long-lived, even for a magician.

“Centuries,” Yukito repeated in awe. He didn’t say, And now you’re locked inside me most of the time, but Yue heard the thought.

It was a relief, Yue admitted in a rush. Almost a year ago, when I first woke up after being sealed away… it was a relief to let you live life for me. I didn’t want to be here. He stopped himself, feeling the tide of grief pulling at him once again.

Yukito traced the smooth curve of one of the combs. You… loved Clow, didn’t you? Yue didn’t answer for a long moment. Yukito backpedaled quickly. I’m sorry, that was intrusive.

I did love him, Yue answered. However… Clow didn’t love me the way that I loved him. Clow loved me like a creator, like a father. But… I was in love with him. It was only recently that I realized that even if Clow had lived on, he would never have returned those feelings. Still… I would have wanted to be with him forever, even if I had known that back then.

You’ve been grieving, Yukito realized quietly. All this time, you’ve been taking care of me, and Sakura-chan, and To-ya… while you’ve been carrying this grief, all on your own, haven’t you? He felt immensely sad at the thought.

It helped me, to take care of all of you, Yue told him. You all gave me… reasons to engage with life. Reasons to care. I needed that, even when I didn’t want them. I’m glad for it, now.

Yukito considered that for a long moment. Yue... I can’t hide anything from you. When I feel something, you know right away. And I’m so grateful for how kind you’ve always been, and how much you’ve helped me. I’d like to do the same for you. I’m not saying you have to share everything with me. I don’t want to push you. But it would make me very happy if you’d let me help you sometimes, too.

Yue had been so concerned with not letting his grief and loneliness burden anyone else around him that he hadn’t considered the idea that he was shutting people out. But in their conversations over the past few days, Sakura, Touya, and now Yukito had all let him know that they knew he was keeping them at a distance, and they didn’t want him to.

I will try, Yue promised. Thank you, Yukito.

 

 

The next few days were busy with studying for final exams as the school year came to a close. After the intense amount of studying they had done for their entrance exams, however, it was more of a quick review of everything and much less stressful.

One evening when Touya was spending the night at Yukito’s, Yukito fell asleep reading through his notes while Touya was in the bath. When Touya returned, he didn’t disturb Yukito at first, but when the sound of the hairdryer didn’t wake Yukito, Touya seemed to become concerned.

“Yuki?” Touya knelt next to Yukito and shook him gently. “Yuki, wake up.” Yukito mumbled in his sleep, shifting to lean against Touya. “Yu-ki,” said Touya emphatically, shaking him harder.

Yue emerged in a flash of blue light and a whisper of wings. “He’s alright,” he assured Touya, picking himself off of Yukito’s pile of neatly-written notes. “He’s just tired. He stayed up last night studying after he came home from your place, and lost track of the time.”

Touya made an exasperated noise, though the tension didn’t completely leave his expression. “We’ve already taken our entrance exams. There’s no need to study that hard for these finals.”

“To-ya.” Yue put his hand on Touya’s forearm in what he hoped was a reassuring gesture. “Your magic is more than enough to sustain us until Aruji grows fully into her new level of power. We’re not in danger.”

Touya’s shoulders dropped and he looked down at his hands. “Okay. Good.” He sighed. “It’s just… I can’t tell anymore. How… how you both are doing.” He met Yue’s eyes. “Sakura couldn’t tell, could she,” he stated, like he knew it for a fact. “She couldn’t tell you were dying.”

“No, she couldn’t,” Yue confirmed. “I knew, though.”

“Would you tell me? If you were in danger like that again?” Touya’s brown gaze was intent, and Yue could tell that even without magic Touya would be able to spot a lie.

“I… would not want to go against Yukito’s wishes,” Yue answered honestly. “But if you asked me a direct question, I would not lie to you.”

“Alright,” Touya accepted. “Thank you.” His mouth quirked in a small smile. “I’m glad to see you.”

Yue flushed and looked down, his wings curling close to his back. “I’m… glad to see you too.”

“Your hair’s still in braids,” Touya observed. “It seems transforming has no effect on it.”

“Indeed. I think Eriol invested a little magic in it to preserve it,” replied Yue, running his fingertips over the smooth weave of the braids. “Actually… if you don’t mind, would you help me undo it?”

“Sure,” Touya smiled.

Vanishing his wings, Yue rose and retrieved his brush before sitting down in Yukito’s desk chair. Together they removed the flowers one by one, which withered instantly into dried husks upon losing contact with Yue’s hair, and then Yue guided Touya through unweaving each part of the hairstyle, section by section. Touya brushed through each segment of hair as it was freed, until finally he was running the brush down the full length of it, having to walk himself back several paces to complete each pass. Yue’s eyes drifted closed at the rhythmic, pleasant pull of the bristles through the strands, the scent of Touya’s skin wafting by each time his hands passed near Yue’s head.

“Are you falling asleep?” Touya murmured near Yue’s ear sometime later. Yue’s eyes flew open, and he jolted upright in embarrassment.

“Sorry,” he mumbled, his face heating.

“Don’t apologize,” Touya replied, sliding the brush through Yue’s hair once more. Yue fought to keep his eyelids from drooping again at the tingling drag of the bristles. “I didn’t mean to startle you. I just thought, if you’re falling asleep, there are better places to sleep than the desk chair.” He reached past Yue to set the brush on the desk, leaning close enough for Yue to feel his warmth and smell his scent, but without quite making contact. Yue ducked his head and tried not to shiver. “I’ll make up the futons,” Touya volunteered, with the same domestic casualness he had around Yukito.

Yue didn’t know how to respond, so he busied himself with gathering his hair to tie it into its usual style, hiding behind the curtain of it. There were some ways Touya treated him exactly like he treated Yukito, and other ways he didn’t, and Yue didn’t know what to make of it. It was clear that Touya knew they were distinct from one another, but how was Yue supposed to interpret this casual intimacy that Touya seemed to otherwise reserve for Yukito? More importantly, what would happen when Yukito and Touya finally confessed their romantic feelings for one another?

Once he had finished binding his hair, he looked up to see Touya standing by the light switch, his soft brown gaze on Yue. Yue flushed and averted his eyes.

“Ready?” Touya asked. Yue nodded, unable to look at him. Touya turned out the light, and the two of them navigated into their futons in the dark. Once they’d both settled, and the room was quiet and still, Yue said softly, “Thank you for brushing out my hair.”

“My pleasure,” came Touya’s warm baritone in response, making Yue’s whole scalp tingle. “I’d love to do it again sometime.”

“I… would like that,” Yue managed, his mouth dry.

“I’m glad,” said Touya, sounding genuinely pleased. “Oyasumi, Yue.”

“Oyasumi,” Yue whispered, and laid in the dark listening to Touya breathe. He closed his eyes.

He shouldn’t feel this way.

He shouldn’t want Touya this way. The way that Yukito wanted him. This was Yukito’s Touya, and Yue should let them have each other. He’d lost control of this, somehow. Somehow he’d gone from vicariously enjoying their relationship to soothe the grief of his love for Clow, to being pleasantly surprised that Touya accepted him so easily as family and indulging that to assuage his own loneliness. And that should have been enough. But now, after having had Touya’s attention, his teasing, his affection, his vulnerability, offered to him specifically, over and over, he was starting to crave it. He wanted the soft, fond smiles Touya only showed the two of them. He wanted Touya’s warm touches and brushes of fingers that sent shivers across his skin. He wanted Touya’s wit and wisdom. He wanted Touya’s piercing eyes that saw into the core of him and didn’t judge him. He wanted all of that and more.

And all of these wants felt like he was betraying Yukito. Yukito, who so kindly saw Yue’s loneliness and wanted to give him friendships, and family. Yukito, who was willing to give up time out of his own life to make Yue’s life a little less isolated. It felt like Yue was betraying that kindness, that trust, to take that gift of time and want so badly these things that Yukito had wanted for years, and that Touya had all but promised him.

He could have been content, he thought, with what he’d gotten. He’d grieved the insular, intimate family he’d had with Clow and Keroberos, and he’d accepted that it was gone and that the new arrangement was different. But Sakura wanted him to have more, and Yukito wanted him to have more, and Touya wanted him to have more, but the more he got, the more he craved. The thought of having close family relationships again was so, so enticing, but could he be content with that? Perhaps it would be better not to have them at all, than to have some and be left wanting so much more. His desire for intimacy, which he thought had died with Clow, was now reaching toward Touya. Yue, who had sworn to never accept another master, to never love again, had now not only accepted the new master, but now was falling for the person his false form loved, more or less just as Clow had intended.

Was it even real? Or was it just a result of experiencing everything Yukito felt second-hand? Clow had meant for Yukito to fall in love with Sakura, and for those feelings to carry over to Yue. But Yukito had fallen for Touya. Were Yue’s budding feelings for Touya merely the result of Clow’s misdirected design? Did Clow’s design make it any less real? Yue had witnessed countless predictions of Clow’s come true, and whether or not Clow had had a hand in them didn’t make them any less real.

Yue carefully rolled onto his side, watching the rise and fall of Touya’s breath by the faint moonlight coming in the window. Yukito had subverted Clow’s prediction, in choosing Touya. Yukito’s feelings for Touya were entirely his own. Yue respected that, was even a little proud of Yukito for that, and was a little proud of himself for not feeling about everything exactly the way Yukito did. He didn’t want to ruin these feelings they’d created for themselves, and he didn’t want to ruin the relationship that Yukito and Touya had spent years cultivating with each other. It was better if he just watched over them from behind Yukito, and was happy for them. He didn’t want to go through the pain of unrequited love again. He had lived with unrequited love for years, for centuries, wanting more than Clow was willing to give him. He would have gone on waiting forever. But now that he knew that there had never been a chance for more, he didn’t want that kind of endless yearning for himself again. He remembered every time Clow had gently refused him, only letting him be so close, and he didn’t want to go through that with Touya. He needed to keep a certain emotional distance from Touya, and smother these feelings before he started ruining things with them.

Yue’s gaze wandered over Touya’s face and down the arm lying on top of the coverlet to his hand. He recalled the feeling of Touya’s hand wrapped around his, the first night they’d slept next to each other (had that only been a week ago?). He stared at the shape of Touya’s hand for a long time. Just once more, he wanted to feel it. One last time, he wanted to indulge himself, and then he would withdraw. Touya was sleeping, so no harm would come of it.

He reached out, slipping one hand carefully into Touya’s larger one, savoring his warmth.

Touya’s fingers tightened minutely around Yue’s.

Yue’s breath caught, and he retreated, mortified, behind Yukito.

Was Touya awake? Or had that been a reflexive gesture in his sleep?

Yukito was asleep with his eyes closed, so Yue couldn’t be certain, but he thought he sensed Touya’s gaze on them in the darkness.

 

 

 

Notes:

I can't write CLAMP fanfiction without the obligatory angst ;) This story is going to be like FLUFF!! AAAAAANGST... FLUFFY-AAAANGST... ANGSTY-FLUFF!! lol

Thank you so much to those who are commenting!! Comments make me super happy, including "late" ones!! ALL comments make me happy, even short ones, ones in languages other than English (I just run it through google translate so I can fully appreciate them), and comments in ESL (you're doing great, you beautiful ESL/EFL learners, English is HARD but you've got this)!!

See you next week <3

Chapter 3: Graduation

Summary:

As Touya and Yukito face graduation from high school, Yukito has something important to say to Touya.

Notes:

Per the series timeline, Touya and Yukito graduate high school just after the series ends. By the time the second movie starts, they've already begun university, and Sakura has started sixth grade. So I'm writing now into the gap between the end of Season 3 and the second movie.

My flower-blooming timeline is based on the prologue of Clear Card, where the cherry blossoms are budding but not yet blooming when Sakura finishes the school year (which ends in March) and are in full bloom by the time she starts the new term on April 1st. It seems that blooming time for Tokyo usually is slightly earlier than depicted in Clear Card, but I decided to keep the CLAMP-depicted bloom times.

Translations for Japanese used in this chapter:

Tou-san = dad (this is what Touya calls Fujitaka)
Tadaima = spoken when returning home, roughly "I'm home"
Ojamashimasu = spoken when entering someone else's home as a guest (lit. "I am intruding")
Okaeri = response to "tadaima", roughly "welcome home"
Douzo = (in this context) please come in
Daijoubu? = Are you alright?

[More translations for the last scene in end notes, because spoilers--if you have little to no Japanese, when you hit the Japanese in the last scene just scroll down to the bottom for translations, but if you have some basic anime Japanese, I bet you can read it without ;)]

 

 

 

Soon graduation was upon the seniors of Seijuu High School. Yukito was asked by several well-meaning classmates and teachers if his grandparents would be attending the ceremony, and he had to make up a story about how his grandfather had a fever and was therefore unable to fly back to Japan.

Will I have to do this forever? Yukito asked wearily after the fifth time of having to give this excuse. This is a lot harder, now that the magic isn’t providing reasons for me.

I don’t know, replied Yue. I wouldn’t think so, but I’m not sure how to change it. We should ask Eriol. He should be able to tell us.

Fujitaka also asked about Yukito’s grandparents, and upon hearing that they would be unable to attend, volunteered to take pictures of Yukito for them. Yukito had been elected class representative, and would be collecting the diplomas on behalf of his class at the appropriate time during the ceremony, in addition to making a speech. He felt guilty about being chosen, as he was the only person in his class who had not actually lived through twelve full years of school. And was his academic success earned, or just a product of the magic he was made of? But Touya told him that it didn’t matter, because he had still done the work to make it all the way through high school. He couldn’t think of an excuse that he could share with his classmates and teachers anyway, so he ended up reluctantly accepting the role.

The morning of the ceremony, Yue watched quietly from the back of Yukito’s mind as Yukito put on his high school uniform for the last time. Yukito adjusted his tie in the mirror and smoothed his jacket down, feeling wistful and a little bit like crying. Being a high school student at Seijuu high had been all he’d ever been, in reality. He’d never actually existed in any other way. He hadn’t been sure he’d survive to see his graduation, and now he had a whole future ahead of him that he wasn’t sure what to do with. He existed solely to keep Yue in close proximity to Sakura, and he would continue to be that. That was what he wanted, to be close to Sakura and Touya, and he didn’t mind at all that this was by a design not his own. Not much was going to change, really. He would be going to university instead of high school, but his day-to-day life would probably be much the same. Still, leaving behind the school he’d been magically designed to thrive in felt a little like the ground dropping out from under him.

He went into the bathroom to fuss over his hair one last time, taking out the beautiful brush that Yue had told him he could use after he’d discovered it. He ran it through his hair until the strands looked smooth and shiny, and then looked down at the bristles where long strands of Yue’s moon-white hair mixed with his own ash-silver ones. He turned the brush over, running his fingers over the mother-of-pearl inlay.

The brush made him think of Yue, and his unrequited feelings for Clow. And he thought of Sakura, who had had to say goodbye to Li just when she’d realized her feelings for him. He’d been thinking of them a lot lately, and how heartbreaking it was that they couldn’t be with the people they loved. It made him feel like he was selfishly wasting precious time with Touya, not telling him his true feelings. He’d been putting it off, afraid that Touya would not only reject him, but would be repulsed by him. He’d been savoring their friendship, not wanting to risk it.

But today they were graduating, and he felt like he was ready. If it went badly, they wouldn’t have to see each other at school every day anymore. Spring break would give him time to grieve, and he was fairly certain they could avoid each other at university in a way that wasn’t possible in high school. There wouldn’t come a better time than this. The thought of it made his mouth run dry with nervousness, even more than the idea of getting up on stage and giving a speech in front of an auditorium full of parents, school staff, and peers. But he remembered Sakura’s certainty that Touya returned his feelings, and her promise to punch Touya’s lights out if he ever hurt Yukito. The mental image of that made him smile.

He’d tell Touya at the end of the day, after the ceremony and the festivities, and the graduation dinner at the Kinomotos’. Decision made, he gathered his courage and went to collect his school things.

It was times like this that Yue wished he could give Yukito more privacy. All he could do was try not to listen, to try to focus on his own thoughts instead, but the two of them weren’t really designed that way. The only barriers he could put between them gave him privacy from Yukito, not the other way around. He could only sink down deep under Yukito’s conscious awareness and pretend he didn’t exist, but he still heard everything.

He was nervous about Yukito’s decision, not because he thought it wouldn’t go well, but because he was certain it would. As Yukito and Touya got closer, what effect would those vicarious experiences have on him? Still, he was honestly happy for them. Yukito had wanted so badly not to die, and Touya was the main reason for that. They deserved their happiness. Yue would protect that happiness, even from himself.

 

 

The graduation ceremony went just as rehearsed, formal and proud, and with many tears shed by students, teachers, and parents alike. After it was over, Fujitaka congratulated them both before heading back to the university to finish his work day, with the promise to be home early enough to prepare their graduation dinner. Meanwhile, Touya and Yukito spent the next few hours thanking their teachers and celebrating with their classmates, exchanging gifts and eating food prepared by their underclassmen. The two of them had thankfully passed all their university entrance exams, and had chosen their preferred university together. Yukito was glad to hear that some of his classmates would also be going to the same university as them in April. He found saying goodbye to the Kyuudou club to be especially difficult.

Afterward, they walked their last walk home from the high school as the sun was starting to set. The cherry blossoms were not yet in bloom, but the peach and plum blossoms were, ranging in hues of pink from pale, nearly white all the way to deep, almost purple. Yukito looked up at the blossoms fluttering in the sweet spring breeze with a wistful smile.

“I’m glad that I don’t have to say goodbye to you, too,” Yukito murmured.

“I don’t ever want to say goodbye to you,” Touya replied immediately. He paused, like he was debating whether or not to say what he was thinking. “Yuki… did you know what was happening? When you were disappearing?”

Yukito avoided the serious gaze he knew Touya was giving him. “Not at first. I thought I was sick. I went to the doctor. I really did get diagnosed with narcolepsy. But… by the time I told you about that diagnosis, I knew it was wrong. When Yue told me about himself, about what we are, I asked him if we were dying. He told me that we were.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Touya asked. “All that time, you knew, and you were just… going to let yourself disappear?”

Yukito bowed his head. “Yue told me that we were fading because we were running out of magic. Sakura-chan was growing her magic as fast as she could to try to sustain us, but she probably wouldn’t be able to. He said that we could draw more from her, but it would hurt her. It might even kill her. I didn’t want that. I would rather die than hurt her like that. We both would.” Yukito paused then, still not daring to look at Touya. “Yue… mentioned that you might be able to help us. He didn’t say how, but that…  you were trying to tell me about it. I figured… if you already knew, and wanted to help me, you would. And if you didn’t, and Yue was wrong, then…” His eyes prickled hotly. “Then I just wanted to enjoy our time together. I didn’t want to spend that time worried, or sad, or trying to find a solution that didn’t exist.” Tears slipped down his face. “I’m sorry, To-ya. I know it was selfish of me, to keep it to myself. I’m so sorry.”

“Yuki.” Touya caught Yukito’s wrist and pulled him into a fierce embrace. Yukito shuddered on a sob and clutched Touya in return. They were in public, on the sidewalk in full view of the houses along the street and any passerby, but in this moment Yukito didn’t care, and Touya didn’t seem to either. “Yuki. I don’t ever want to say goodbye to you. But even more than that… I want to do whatever I can for you. You shouldn’t have to face that kind of thing alone. Not you, and not Yue either. Whatever you’re facing, no matter how bad… I want to be there for you. For both of you. Please.”

Yukito nodded, crying into Touya’s shoulder. “Okay. Thank you. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s alright,” Touya murmured against Yukito’s hair. “You don’t need to apologize. I just want you to know that I’m here for you. Always. No matter what.”

“Thank you.” Yukito wiped at his eyes, sniffling. Touya offered him his handkerchief, which Yukito accepted, and then dabbed at Touya’s uniform jacket with it. “Oh, no, I got your uniform wet…”

“Yuki!” Touya protested, laughing as he snatched the handkerchief back. “That was supposed to be for your face!” He gently dried Yukito’s wet cheeks. Yukito laughed self-consciously, but held still for Touya’s ministrations. When Yukito was as dry as he was going to get, Touya tucked the handkerchief away. “Come on, let’s get home. Tou-san’s waiting for us.”

“To-ya.” Yukito plucked at Touya’s sleeve. “Thank you for always inviting me to do things with your family. It means a lot to me.”

“Of course. You’re part of our family, Yuki. You always have been, ever since we first became friends.” Touya ran his hand over the back of Yukito’s head and smiled. “And so has Yue. We just didn’t know it for a long time.”

Yue, having retreated as far from Yukito’s consciousness as he could get, tried to block out the warmth of Touya’s words.

 

 

“Tadaima,” Touya called as they entered the house.

“Ojamashimasu,” Yukito called, stepping out of his shoes and into the guest slippers.

“Okaeri!” Sakura called, running up to meet them with a bright smile. She bowed. “Congratulations on your graduation!” She had wanted to attend the ceremony with her father, but as it was a regular school day at the elementary school, she had needed to be in class all day instead.

Fujitaka came to greet them as well, though at a more sedate pace. He and Sakura had been busy planning and preparing a celebratory dinner for Touya and Yukito over the past several days. “Okaeri, Touya-kun. Tsukishiro-kun, douzo,” he said with a warm smile. “You’re just in time. Come and eat.”

“We’ll put our things upstairs and be right there,” said Touya, already starting up the stairs. Yukito hurried after him. After they’d washed up, they came back down. As was the usual for a special occasion in the Kinomoto household, the table was loaded with a bountiful amount of food. They gave thanks and started to eat, talking about the graduation ceremony, the end of high school, and what university life would be like.

“I was glad to hear from Touya that the two of you will be going to the same university,” said Fujitaka. “Have you decided what you will specialize in?”

Touya and Yukito glanced at each other. “Probably something in the sciences,” said Touya.

“We both scored well in the sciences,” added Yukito.

“Yuki scored well in everything,” Touya added.

Yukito flushed. “Somehow.” Thanks to you, he added to Yue.

Not really. You did all the work, Yue replied.

You kept me awake. I would have slept through most of it otherwise, said Yukito.

You wouldn’t have had the problem in the first place, if not for me, Yue pointed out.

“Yukito-san? Daijoubu?” Sakura’s mildly concerned voice interrupted their internal conversation. Yukito startled and flushed, realizing the others had been waiting on him.

“Sorry. I spaced out for a moment,” replied Yukito self-consciously. Touya gave him a knowing look while Sakura looked adorably clueless.

“I was just asking if you had any particular subjects you were choosing between,” Fujitaka prompted kindly.

Yukito shook his head. “Not really. I’ve always liked all subjects, so it’s hard to pick one. Although, I’ve taken an interest in traditional medicine, lately.”

“Is that so?” Fujitaka brightened, while Touya hid a smile. “I have some books downstairs on the subject, if you’d like to borrow them?”

“Really? I’d love to,” said Yukito. “Thank you.”

After they’d eaten as much as they could, they cleared the table and put away the leftovers. Yukito joined in on the domestic routine with a comforting ease. Fujitaka had always treated him like a second son, and Yukito felt especially appreciative of this now that he knew that Fujitaka was the only real parental figure in his life. Then Sakura shuttled Yukito and Touya into the living room to sit while she prepared tea and cake, and Fujitaka disappeared into his office for a moment.

As Sakura served the tea and cake, Fujitaka emerged with armfuls of presents, laying them out on the table in the living room. Yukito was surprised to be handed several out of the pile.

They both received sleek new briefcases from Fujitaka, and matching tie clips from Sakura. Tomoyo had left gifts for them with Sakura, which turned out to be matching light blue cell phones. Each came with the same little wing charm as the one on Sakura’s phone, and the back sides featured a white bunny holding a peach on the face of a full moon. Yukito and Touya exchanged amused looks over the phones, and told Sakura to thank Tomoyo for them. Touya also received a very expensive-looking watch from his great-grandfather.

A couple hours of tea and light conversation later, Fujitaka invited Yukito down into the basement library to look at traditional medicine books, while Touya cleaned up and Sakura took a slice of cake upstairs.

“Let’s see, where would they be…” Fujitaka murmured to himself, scanning the shelves. Yukito trailed after him, his eyes catching on various book titles as he passed. Yue’s curiosity piqued at the sight of the books. “Ah, here we are. It’s not very many, I’m afraid, but please take a look. Let me know if you have any questions.” Fujitaka indicated a dozen or so books on the second shelf, and then moved off to occupy himself. Yukito perused the titles, not really sure what to look for.

That one looks like a good one for basics. Yue pointed out a thick volume with a green cover. Yukito pulled it off the shelf and paged through it. Yes, that’s good. And maybe that other one, too.

Yukito pulled out the book Yue was indicating and looked through that one as well. Are there any you want?

Is that alright? Yue asked. You probably won’t be able to make sense of them.

That’s fine, replied Yukito. They’ll be for you. You can come out to read them.

Alright, Yue agreed. Thank you.

They ended up with four books total, two for Yukito and two for Yue. Yukito let Fujitaka know that he was finished, and thanked him. As Fujitaka led Yukito out of the library, a title caught Yue’s attention as Yukito’s gaze trailed idly over it.

What is it? Yukito asked, pausing at the feeling of Yue’s interest.

That book. Yue directed Yukito back to it with a shared thought.

Yukito squinted at it. Chinese?

Classical Chinese, Yue replied.

“Tsukishiro-kun?” Fujitaka prompted, noticing Yukito had stopped and coming back over to him.

“Ah, sorry, Kinomoto-sensei,” said Yukito sheepishly. “Would you mind if I borrowed this one as well?” He pointed to it.

“Eh?” Fujitaka leaned in closer to look at the book. “Oh, I didn’t know you could read classical Chinese.”

“I can’t,” Yukito admitted. “But a friend of mine does. I’d like to show this to him, if you don’t mind.”

“Of course,” Fujitaka smiled, taking the book off the shelf and adding it to Yukito’s pile. “I hope your friend finds it interesting. I don’t really remember how I ended up with it, and I’m afraid I have no idea what it says.”

“Thank you,” said Yukito. “I’ll let you know what he thinks of it.”

Touya was waiting for them in the living room with a large bag. “I put all your gifts inside,” he told Yukito. “You can put the books in here, too.”

“Thanks.” Yukito carefully settled the books inside the bag. “I should probably get home.” He knew Touya would have to leave for work soon. Even on his own graduation day, Touya had still taken an evening shift.

“I’ll walk you out,” said Touya after Yukito had made his goodbyes to Fujitaka and Sakura, who had thundered down the stairs to see him off.

Yukito put on his shoes, glancing askance at Touya, who stepped into shoes as well so he could see Yukito all the way to the sidewalk. Yukito smiled at the gesture, nervousness fluttering in his stomach as they walked out together, trying to remember the words he’d rehearsed again and again to tell Touya. At the bottom of the steps, he turned to face Touya, and they both started to say something at the same time.

Yukito laughed. “You first.”

“No, you go first,” Touya countered.

Yukito shook his head. “No, I want to hear yours first.”

“Alright, but only because we’ll be here all night otherwise, and I have to leave for work soon,” Touya teased. He took a breath. “I’ve been thinking… we should take a trip.”

Yukito blinked, his train of thought derailing at the surprise of that statement. “A trip?”

“Yeah.” Touya rubbed the back of his neck self-consciously. “Like a graduation trip. Before university starts.”

“I thought you’d want to work,” said Yukito.

Touya shrugged, averting his gaze. “We don’t have to.”

“No, I want to,” Yukito assured him quickly. “A trip sounds great.”

Touya looked back at him and smiled. “Yeah? You want to?”

“I’d love to,” Yukito smiled back.

“Great,” Touya grinned. “Maybe after Sakura’s closing ceremony tomorrow, you could stay the night, and we can start planning?”

“Yeah,” agreed Yukito happily. “I’ll look forward to it.”

“Good.” Touya scuffed his shoe on the sidewalk, looking pleased. “Now, what were you going to say?”

“Oh.” Yukito blushed and looked away. If they were going on a trip together, was this the time to confess? He didn’t want to ruin it with uncomfortable feelings if Touya didn’t feel the same way. “…It’s nothing important. Never mind. I’ll see you tomorrow.” He started to turn away.

Touya caught his arm. “Yuki,” he said, exasperated. He cocked an eyebrow. “What’s on your mind?”

Yukito remembered their earlier conversation on their walk home, and realized that Touya would feel shut out if he wasn’t honest right now. He took a fortifying breath, looking Touya in the eye. “Boku wa… kimi ga…” he faltered and looked away, unable to maintain eye-contact as he blushed hotly. “…suki da.” He ducked his head. “I don’t need a reply, if you’re not ready. I just… wanted you to know. I’ll see you tomorrow. If you still want to.” He started to leave again.

Touya caught his arm a second time. “Of course I still want to,” he said. Yukito chanced a glance up at Touya, who was smiling warmly at him. “Ore mo. Suki da.” Touya was blushing now, too.

Yukito stared at him. “Really?”

“Yeah. For… for a long time now,” Touya admitted, now red all the way up to his ears.

“Oh.” Yukito could tell he was even redder than Touya from how hot his face felt. “Me, too. Last year, all those times you were trying to tell me about… about that other thing, and you kept getting interrupted… I was kind of hoping this is what you were going to tell me.”

“Um.” Touya bit his lip. “Well, I wanted to tell you this, too, but… I thought the other thing was more urgent.”

“It was,” Yukito agreed with a little laugh.

“I’m glad I can say it now,” Touya smiled. “Suki da. Yuki.”

Yukito smiled back. “Suki da. To-ya.”

“Thank you for telling me.” Touya gazed at him with eyes full of warm affection. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Yeah.” Yukito thought he might float away, he felt so light. “See you tomorrow.”

Yukito’s thoughts were blissfully full of Touya all the way home, and Yue didn’t interrupt him.

 

 

 

Notes:

Japanese culture lesson!!!

A the end of this chapter, Yukito makes a love confession to Touya, which is called "kokuhaku" in Japanese. A kokuhaku is a clear statement of romantic feelings from one person to another, and this is the way a Japanese person would ask their crush to start a relationship. (And not for casual dating, either, this kind of dating is to hopefully figure out if the two of you will make good life partners.) There are only a few specific phrases that are options for this confession, and the word "suki" is the one used for "love" in this context. Because in Japanese culture strong emotions are too intense to speak aloud except for in very specific circumstances with very specific words, a lot of their expressions around love and dating are essentially euphemisms to avoid melting down from emotional intensity. When you see this word translated with subtitles in a kokuhaku, it's usually translated as "I like you", which makes sense as something you would say to state romantic intention without getting too intense (this is the translation when Syaoran confesses "Ore wa omae ga suki da" to Sakura). But in the case of characters who have a long history of a deep emotionally intimate friendship between them, as Yukito and Touya do, I think "I love you" fits better.

In Season 3 of CCS, every time Touya gets half-way through his sentence to Yukito and is interrupted by Nakuru, he sounds like he might be confessing. He says "Ore wa omae ga" where "ore wa" is "I (topic marker)" and "omae ga" is "you (subject or object marker)", and gets interrupted before he can get to the sentence predicate, so his sentence could be *almost anything* but a Japanese audience would see this set up and absolutely think he might be confessing. (CLAMP absolutely loves this ambiguous construction in their gay relationships, the same thing gets used in X/1999 from Seishiro to Subaru.) What Touya ends up actually saying, like twenty episodes later, is "I know that you're not human," which is a very different sentence, but at this point the audience is hearing "I love you" anyway, especially given that Touya tells Yukito "I want to be by your side, always" in the next on-screen conversation they have, and we all know that's as close as we're going to be allowed to get to canonizing a gay couple in a Japanese kids show.

All this to give context to what Yukito and Touya say to each other at the end of this chapter:

Boku wa kimi ga suki da = "I love you" (Yukito uses "boku" for "I" and "kimi" for "you" because he is a well-mannered polite boy)
Ore mo suki da = "I love you too"
Suki da = "I love you" but abbreviated

I hope you enjoyed reading Yuki and Touya finally getting to their kokuhaku!! Let me know what you thought of this chapter, and I'll see you next week for more fluff and more angst!!

Chapter 4: Letters

Summary:

Yukito gets air mail from England.

Notes:

Translations for Japanese in this chapter:

omamori = a protective charm made and sold by shrines in Japan. Kaho Mizuki is the miko (shrine priestess) for the Tsukimine shrine, and knows how to make these.
Moshi moshi = a phrase said when starting to speak into the phone, basically a mic test to see if the other person can hear you. Usually followed by saying who you are, as in, "[name] desu."
Ne, ne = said when asking for someone's attention, something like "hey, hey"
[name]-tachi = [name] and their associated group
Konnichiwa = hello (lit. "as for this day")
soba-cha =buckwheat tea

A cultural note: calling someone by their given name is an indicator of closeness in Japanese relationships. Using the family name is standard, or an indicator of respect or formality. When someone wants to acknowledge that closeness has grown in a relationship, or desires to cultivate that level of closeness, they ask permission to use the other person's given name, or give permission to use theirs. Notice when Eriol is introduced to the show, he asks Sakura's permission to call her by her given name after they share a "deja vu" moment of feeling like they already know each other (Eriol, of course, already knows exactly why Sakura feels that way). For the rest of the season, she's the only one who calls him Eriol-kun, while everyone else calls him Hiiragizawa-kun. Similarly, in Clear Card Meiling asks Sakura for permission to call her by her given name in order to communicate how much she appreciates Sakura's friendship, after calling her "Kinomoto-san" for nearly four years.

 

 

Amongst the pile of mail waiting for Yukito when he got home was a thick envelope with blue and red markings and “air mail” printed on it. Yukito picked it up curiously and looked it over.

“Oh, it’s from Hiiragizawa-kun,” Yukito smiled. “It must be for you, Yue.”

Open it, Yue prompted.

Yukito brought the letter upstairs and opened it with the letter opener in his desk drawer. “Oh? There’s a few things in here.” He emptied it onto his desk. A card and a small, flat present addressed to Yukito fell out, as well as two letters addressed to Yue. Yukito opened the card, which congratulated him on his graduation, and was signed by Akizuki, Eriol, and Mizuki Kaho.

“Congratulations!! You better have had lots of fun for me!!” Akizuki’s kawaii script blared in bright pink gel pen. “Call me sometime and tell me everything! Have fun at university!! Miss me lots!!”

In a much more demure, elegant script, Mizuki had written, “I wish you well in your studies at university. It’s not much, but please accept the small token of my support I’ve enclosed.”

Lastly, written in Eriol’s beautiful, old-fashioned handwriting, was, “Warmest congratulations on your graduation. Please call if you ever have need of us.” A phone number followed.

Yukito smiled and turned his attention to the present. He unwrapped the neatly folded gift wrap from around a little, flat, white box, and nestled inside was an omamori for academic success, made in the style of the Tsukimine shrine. “I wonder if Mizuki-san made this herself,” he speculated.

She did, Yue observed, able to see her magical signature in the very threads of the embroidery. With quite a potent spell inside.

Yukito held it to his chest, beaming. “Arigatou, Mizuki-san.” He stood the card up on his desk and put the omamori in front of it. “Okay, your turn,” he prompted Yue.

Yue took the cue to transform with a rustle of wings, and opened the first letter. It was from Ruby Moon, and was two full pages in the same bright pink pen detailing the frivolities of her life in England, and a couple pictures of local shops she’d described in her letter. It concluded with a demand that he write back, and signed with her name in English. The second letter was from Eriol, written in a much more soothing black calligraphy pen. He wrote about the manor where they were living, which Yue recognized from the pictures Eriol had included as a property Clow had owned. Eriol reminisced about some of the things that had happened there that Yue would remember, and wrote at length about how the garden was doing now. He also wrote about the magic he was currently studying, which he would know would be a topic of interest to Yue. Eriol concluded with an earnest invitation to call whenever Yue would like, day or night.

Yue glanced at the clock and did a quick calculation. Despite Eriol’s assurance, Yue had no desire to interrupt anyone’s sleep by calling late at night. But it would be about midday in London, so it was a polite time to call. He retrieved the cell phone Tomoyo had given Yukito from the bag Yukito had brought back from the Kinomotos’ and carefully typed in the number written in Eriol’s perfect script.

After two rings, the call was answered. “Hello! Hiiragizawa residence!” came cheerfully over the line in English.

Of course, Ruby Moon was the one who answered.

“Ahh, moshi moshi,” Yue fumbled. “Yue desu.”

“Ehhhhh? Yue?!” Ruby Moon crowed, switching into Japanese. “Oh, what a surprise! Miss me already? You must have gotten our letter, what, like two minutes ago? Wait, wasn’t today the graduation ceremony? Why are you out? I thought Tsukishiro-kun would be out celebrating with everyone all night! Did something happen? Was there drama? Are you all miserable without me? Tell me everything!”

Yue held the phone away from his ear while she chattered at top volume, still able to easily hear her from arms-distance.

“Ne, ne! Yue?? Are you still there? Say something!”

“Ruby Moon, you have to stop talking for a moment if you want me to speak,” Yue informed her flatly. She laughed loudly, and Yue was tempted to prop the phone up across the desk to get it even farther away from his ears.

“You are too funny, Yue! Okay, I’ll be quiet. Oh, wait, everyone’s here now. I’ll put you on speakerphone. Oh, but this phone doesn’t do that. Hang on.” There was a clatter as the receiver was set down none-too-gently, and then the rustle of her hurrying away. Then, another click.

“Moshi moshi!” Ruby Moon chirped into the new receiver. “Can you hear me?”

“Quite clearly,” replied Yue, still with the phone at arm’s length.

“Great!” There was another clatter as she presumably hung up the first receiver. “You’re on speaker now! We can all hear you!”

“I see. Hello, everyone,” said Yue awkwardly, fiddling with the corner of the photograph of Clow’s manor.

“Hello, Yue,” came Eriol’s voice. “What can we do for you?”

“I have a question about magic,” answered Yue, immediately feeling steadier with a topic instead of floundering through social pleasantries. “Now that Yukito knows the truth about himself, the illusion magic that created his family no longer works on him. But he still has to keep up the pretense for those asking. I told him it should be possible to modify the spell, but I don’t know how.”

“Ah,” said Eriol. “I thought that might come up. Tsukishiro-san is now of an age where he needs no legal guardians. If he wishes, I could influence the spell to have his grandparents pass away while abroad. All the legal paperwork would be generated magically. He would merely need to sign for his inheritance, when it arrives.”

“One moment, please. I would like him to hear this.” Yue transformed, relinquishing their shared form to Yukito. Yukito blinked at the phone in his hand, disoriented.

Eriol-tachi are on the phone, Yue said gently as Yukito got his bearings. I asked him about altering the spell that creates your grandparents.

“Oh,” said Yukito. “Hiiragizawa-kun?”

“Konnichiwa, Tsukishiro-san,” Eriol greeted. “Rather, it’s evening, isn’t it, where you are?”

“Yes, it is,” smiled Yukito. “Is it daytime, in England?”

“Yes, it’s just past lunchtime,” confirmed Eriol. “Congratulations on your graduation, today.”

“Thank you very much,” Yukito beamed. “Thank you, everyone, for the card.” He exchanged pleasantries and thank-yous with everyone before Eriol brought the subject back around to Yue’s question, and explained what he’d earlier told Yue.

“Inheritance?” Yukito repeated, poleaxed. “There’s… I… have an inheritance?”

“Of course,” Eriol replied, matter-of-fact. “Clow set aside money to provide for you. The money that you thought you were getting from your grandparents to pay for school and day-to-day living, actually comes from a trust account with a spell on it. Once the spell creates the scenario where your grandparents have passed, that money goes to you as an inheritance.”

“Oh, um, but, I couldn’t possibly accept that, now that I know… that my grandparents never really existed. Isn’t that your money now, as Clow’s reincarnation?”

“No, it is not,” Eriol replied with a smile in his voice. “That money was always meant for you, Tsukishiro-san. You are Clow’s creation, and Sakura-san’s guardian. It was very important to Clow that you be well-provided for, both because he loved you, and because he wanted you to be able to give Sakura-san your best, without being burdened by concerns about mundane survival. That is a sentiment I very much share.”

Yukito’s eyes prickled with tears. “Thank you. I know there’s not much I can do for Sakura-chan myself, as a guardian, but I will do my best.”

“That’s not so, Tsukishiro-san,” Eriol countered gently. “What you do for Sakura-san is quite a lot, and very important.”

“Thank you for saying so,” replied Yukito, wiping at his eyes. “She’s very important to me.”

“As you are to her. Please don’t devalue yourself. You and Yue have different, but equally important roles in Sakura-san’s life,” said Eriol, and Yue got the sense that he was speaking equally to both of them.

“Thank you. I’ll remember that,” sniffled Yukito. “Hiiragizawa-kun? I know we haven’t known each other very long, but… may I call you Eriol? Since you’re the reincarnation of the person who made me…”

“Please do,” replied Eriol, sounding genuinely pleased. “I would much prefer that.”

“Then, please call me Yukito,” smiled Yukito.

“Thank you, Yukito-san,” said Eriol warmly.

Ask him if there’s a way I can give you more privacy, prompted Yue. And if there’s a way for me to include you on my experiences when I’m out.

“Ah, Eriol-kun, if you don’t mind, Yue has a couple more questions,” began Yukito. “And, to be honest, I’d like to know, too.”

“Please,” Eriol invited.

“Is there a way… for him to not have to listen to me all day?” Yukito asked with a self-conscious chuckle. “He’s very kind about it, but I’m sure it must be tedious to listen to me think about school activities, or what I’m having for lunch.”

Eriol hummed thoughtfully. “The two of you are designed so that Yue can always be alert to your surroundings, and he can react to any danger, even when your form is forward, Yukito-san. It would be difficult, and not necessarily advantageous, to change that aspect, as you do not have access to the part of you that senses magic. However, you should be able to create some privacy for your own thoughts and feelings, much the same way Yue does. Has he tried teaching you how to create a mental shield?”

“I don’t think so,” answered Yukito, with an inquiring thought to Yue.

No, I haven’t, answered Yue, chagrined. I didn’t think it would work that direction.

“No, he says he hasn’t,” Yukito relayed to Eriol. “He says he didn’t think it would work.”

“It may take some practice, but it should work for you,” Eriol assured. “If it doesn’t, let me know, and we’ll work on another solution.”

“Thank you,” said Yukito. “We’d also like to know if there’s a way I could be awake sometimes while Yue is out, if there’s something going on he wants to share with me.”

“Ah, that one is trickier,” replied Eriol. “The spellwork that keeps you unconscious while Yue is out is quite strong. But there are ways to counteract it. Unfortunately, it’s not something that I can change from outside of you. The two of you must overcome the magic on your own.”

Why? asked Yue, perplexed that there was magic of Clow’s that Eriol couldn’t manipulate. Yukito echoed the question out loud.

“There are several reasons. But the most pertinent one is to prevent your mind from becoming overwhelmed, Yukito-san,” Eriol explained gently. “You were designed to ignore and dismiss all awareness of magic, implicit or explicit. The fact that you are now aware of magic, and of Yue, means that your desire for the truth was stronger than any other feeling in you. If you had not had a desire of that strength, even if Yue had chosen to reveal himself to you, you would have immediately fallen unconscious, and woken without recollection of it, in order to protect your sanity. Therefore, if you want to be awake while Yue is out, you will need a similarly powerful desire.”

“I see.” Yukito felt the truth of that, thinking back to when Yue had, in fact, chosen to reveal himself directly, and how much he’d wanted the truth at that time, no matter how awful.

“However, Yue can help your mind build that strength by sharing with you his memories of his time out. I believe that the more you witness the events that you are missing, the stronger your desire to not be excluded from them will become. Sharing memories in this way will also soften the partition between your conscious minds, and make it easier to overcome.”

Would that be alright with you? Sharing memories with me? Yukito asked Yue.

Yes, affirmed Yue. If that is what you want, I am willing.

“Okay. We will try that,” said Yukito out loud. “Thank you, Eriol-kun.”

“You’re very welcome,” replied Eriol. “Please do ask me if you have any other questions.”

“Thank you, we will,” smiled Yukito.

“Oh, are you done with the boring stuff, then?” Akizuki asked.

Yukito laughed. “Yes, I suppose we are.”

“Good, because I want to hear all about your graduation day,” demanded Akizuki.

“I’m not sure how much there is to tell, but I’ll do my best,” Yukito promised obligingly.

 

 

Later that night, after Yukito had turned the lights out and was lying on his futon, he asked Yue to teach him how to shield.

It’s fairly simple, Yue told him. It just requires focus. The difficulty is in maintaining the shield once you turn your focus on other things.

I have to split my focus, Yukito interpreted.

Yes, replied Yue. A shield is merely a barrier between our two minds. As we are now, it’s like we are in the same room together, sharing a space. To separate us, you need to make a wall between us. Yukito made a flicker of an attempt. That was good. Now, make it stronger.

Yukito laughed self-consciously. I almost don’t want to? I spent so long seeking you and wanting you here with me. I don’t like putting a wall between us.

I will still be here when you take it back down, Yue assured him. We are one being. We can’t be truly separated.

Yukito took a breath and nodded. Okay.

The shield went up again, stronger this time, and for a split second, Yue had the eerie experience of being disembodied. It wasn’t like when he’d been put into the Book of Clow, or gone into Sakura’s sealing staff. Both of those times he could still touch the world around him with his senses. This was a brief, terrifying moment of having no sense of anything except his own consciousness. But then, with a flash of blue light, Yue was suddenly sucking in a breath and staring at Yukito’s darkened ceiling through his own eyes. He took a minute to calm his racing heart and steady his breathing before transforming back with a shuffle of wings.

Yukito blinked blearily. “What happened?” he mumbled, disoriented. “Did we transform?”

Yes. I think that shield made too complete a division. Yue mentally shuddered at the recollection of that awful feeling of nothingness, thinking back to what Eriol had said about how they weren’t designed for Yukito to be able to shut Yue out completely.

Are you alright? Yukito asked. You seem a little… shaken. We don’t have to do this.

That was… unpleasant, Yue admitted. But we can continue. Let’s try this differently. See if you can make a shield around just your thoughts.

Okay. Yukito closed his eyes to focus. After a few seconds, Yue’s sense of what Yukito was thinking went blank.

That’s right. Well done, said Yue. Now try shielding your emotions as well. A moment later, his sense of Yukito’s earnestness in effort and slight nervousness vanished as well. Good. Let’s see if you can shield me from your body’s senses as well.

There was a pause, and then once again that terrifying drop into nothingness. In another blue flash, Yue gasped painfully into corporeal form once more, his heart pounding fiercely as if to prove its own existence. He sat up, wings arched tautly, breathing hard.

That was decidedly worse the second time. It took longer for his heartrate and breathing to return to normal than before, and he could feel himself trembling faintly. When he felt steady enough, he got up and went downstairs to wrap himself in Clow’s cloak and make some tea.

While waiting for the tea to steep, he curled up in Yukito’s favorite chair, and after a few minutes under the comforting weight of the cloak in the soft gold glow of the sitting room lamps, he started to feel settled again. He wrapped himself in his wings and transformed.

Yukito came to with a soft sound, blinking around at the room in confusion. What…? He shivered, feeling weak, and noticed the cloak and the tea. Yue? Are we okay?

We are okay. I had a… strong reaction to being shielded out of your body’s experience. I think we are not meant to do that, replied Yue ruefully. Shielding your thoughts and emotions will have to suffice for now.

Yukito nodded, pouring himself some tea and picking up the cup. That’s more than we had. Thank you for teaching me. I’m sorry it was hard on you.

I’m alright, Yue assured him. This ability is important for both of us. And it’s good to know its limit.

Yukito sipped his tea, smiling at the warm, nutty flavor of the soba-cha. Since we’re up… would you mind sharing one of your experiences with me? Like Eriol-kun suggested?

I don’t mind, Yue replied quickly. But as he considered what to show Yukito, it was hard to come up with something that didn’t involve either his inappropriate feelings for Touya, or dangerous magical situations.

Apparently he was silent for too long, though. You don’t have to, Yukito hedged anxiously.

No, I want to, Yue assured him. But I don’t want to overwhelm you with a memory that’s too… magical.

Oh, said Yukito, recalling Eriol’s warning. Good point. I think we’ve both had enough unexpected switching for one night.

Here’s something, Yue said finally, and showed Yukito the incident when he and Keroberos had been unable to return to their temporary forms for almost twenty-four hours. He was gratified when he felt mostly wonder from Yukito at their magic, and amusement at their predicament as Yue showed him the pertinent moments from that day.

You and Touya have the same sense of humor, Yukito chuckled, observing Yue deadpanning his way through that day. Poor Sakura-chan has no idea.

She does now, Yue replied. Touya realized it first, though.

Of course he did, Yukito smiled. He laughed as the memory ended with Yue and Keroberos transforming back to their false forms under Shield’s protection in the Kinomotos’ living room. I remember that day. I’m glad there’s a magical reason for how many times I ended up in that house without remembering how I got there. It’s nice to fill in that gap.

We can fill in all the gaps, one at a time, if you want, Yue offered.

I would like that, Yukito smiled.

 

 

 

Notes:

Ahhh I just love Eriol so much. Severely disappointed he's not in Clear Card more. For that matter, severely disappointed Yue's not in Clear Card more. I had a lot of fun writing this chapter, both the dynamics between Eriol and Yukito/Yue, and the dynamic between Yue and Yukito.

In related news, I've been revisiting Yu Yu Hakusho lately and just found out that Yusuke and Eriol have the SAME voice actor?! Whaaaaaaat?? I knew about Kurama and Yukito/Yue both being Megumi Oogata (love her so much, she's amazing), but YUSUKE and ERIOL??!! Incredible work, Nozomu Sasaki, I would have NEVER put that together. Anyway, now I want a crossover fic were these characters meet each other and do the Spiderman-point-thing.

Thank you for all the comments, I love each and every one of them <3 and I reread them for motivation when I get stuck!

Chapter 5: The Two of Us

Summary:

Touya and Yukito attend Sakura's promotion day, and then plan their trip.

Notes:

Welcome back!! Sorry for the late chapter update, Ao3 was down on Thursday and posting wasn't functioning on Friday either, so I figured I'd just try again on April 1st, since it's Sakura's birthday! Happy Birthday, Sakura-chan!! (It's still March 31 in my time zone, but it's April 1st in Ao3's time zone already!)

It's Sakura's promotion day in this chapter, which is the day students have a ceremony to formally complete a grade and be promoted to the next one. Later, Yuki and Touya discuss options for their trip. For reference, canonically Tomoeda is a town close enough to Tokyo that they can take a train ride to Tokyo tower after school and reach it before sundown (as shown right before the final battle with Eriol), but they don't actually live *in* Tokyo. I also reference in this chapter the relationship Touya had canonically with Mizuki Kaho, which was shown in the manga (in flashbacks) but only alluded in the anime. She was his student teacher while he was in middle school, and they had a brief, chaste relationship before she moved to England to study abroad (where she met Eriol).

Translations for Japanese in this chapter:
Tou-san = dad (this is what Sakura and Touya call Fujitaka)
hanami = lit. "flower gazing"; the Japanese tradition of spending time gazing at the spring-blooming flowers, especially cherry blossoms
onsen = Japanese hot springs for bathing in
konjac (konyakku) = a root vegetable that can be made into a jelly and added to rice, soups, etc., which Sakura canonically dislikes eating

 

 

In the morning, Yukito met Touya and Fujitaka at Tomoeda Elementary to attend Sakura’s promotion ceremony. Yue encouraged Yukito to practice shielding throughout the morning, when splitting his focus wouldn’t have much consequence if his attention faltered. Then, while Sakura finished out her day at the school and Fujitaka returned to work at the university, Yukito walked with Touya back to the Kinomotos’.

“I thought yesterday would be our last walk home together, but here we are again,” Yukito laughed, looking up at the blooming peach and plum trees.

“Mmm, yeah. It’ll probably be too far to walk home from the university,” Touya acknowledged. “I figured, you could ride on the back of my bike?”

Yukito blushed. “I’d like that.”

“I’ll get you a helmet,” said Touya with a pleased little smirk.

“Oh, no, you don’t have to do that. I can buy it,” Yukito said quickly, thinking of the inheritance Eriol had mentioned. Touya gave him a surprised look, so Yukito rushed on. “Maybe… you could help me pick one out?”

“Okay,” Touya agreed lightly, still looking curious but letting the subject drop.

Yukito looked down at the sidewalk. “I spoke on the phone with Akizuki-san and the others last night.” He raised his face to smile at Touya. “Mizuki-san said to pass on her congratulations to you on graduating.”

“Yeah, I got a card from them in the mail last night,” replied Touya.

“We did, too,” Yukito nodded. “Well, I got a card. Yue got letters.”

“Yeah?” said Touya.

Yukito nodded again. “Eriol-kun wrote that we should call if we needed anything. So we did.”

Touya shot him a narrow-eyed look. “‘Eriol-kun?’”

“Oh.” Yukito flushed. “Since he’s… basically the one who created me. He’s a little like family that I didn’t know I had. It felt odd… to hear him address me so formally.”

“Hmm,” said Touya. “Did Akizuki talk your ear off?”

Yes, answered Yue, and Yukito laughed. “Yue says she did. But mostly she wanted me to tell her about everything she missed at the end of the school year.”

“Hmm,” Touya hummed again, but with a smile this time. “Give Yue my condolences about his ears.”

Thank you, said Yue, which Yukito passed along, making Touya smile wider.

“I asked him about… my grandparents,” Yukito continued, sobering. “About how to alter the spell.”

Touya looked askance at him, now serious as well. “And?”

“He says the spell can be altered to make it so that they pass away while abroad. So that I won’t have to attend a pretend funeral or anything,” Yukito answered. “I would just need to… to sign for my inheritance, when it comes.”

Touya watched him for a long moment. “Is that what you want?”

Yukito sighed. “I don’t want to have to keep pretending they exist to other people. It’s painful. But there’s something about… arranging for them to die… that feels so final. It feels like I’m killing them. Which is stupid, because they were never alive.”

“It’s not stupid,” Touya countered quietly. “They were alive, to you, your whole life. You have memories of interacting with them. It doesn’t matter that they only happened in your memory. It was real to you. Your feelings about them are real.”

Yukito nodded, ducking his head as tears filled his eyes. “Oh no, I thought I was done crying about this,” he muttered, swiping at his eyes self-consciously.

“You don’t have to be done,” assured Touya, offering Yukito his handkerchief. “You don’t ever have to be done. They only live in your heart now. It’s okay to keep that.”

 

 

“Do you have any places in mind for our trip?” Yukito asked Touya as they sat down to eat the somen in broth they’d made for lunch. He was bubbling with excitement over it, unable to wait any longer to bring it up. Yue’s attention piqued, curious about where they might go.

Touya smiled in fond amusement at Yukito’s eagerness. “Not really. Just, somewhere outside of Tomoeda. Not Tokyo. That’s too close.”

“Somewhere we haven’t been yet, where there are good places for hanami, maybe?” Yukito suggested. “Like Hyogo, or Nara?”

“Yeah, that sounds nice,” Touya agreed. “Somewhere with good onsen, too.”

“Oh yes, definitely,” Yukito nodded.

“Tou-san has some travel books in the basement library,” said Touya. “We could look at them later, after dinner.”

“I’d like that.” Yukito smiled down at his noodles, thinking about hanami and onsen and Touya, all to himself for a week. “This is our first trip together,” he murmured, feeling warm and a little shy. Technically, they’d been on many school trips together, and even to Hong Kong that one summer when Sakura had won tickets in a raffle. But this would be the first trip where it was just the two of them, and Yukito felt like it was special.

At that thought from Yukito, about just the two of them, Yue retreated as unobtrusively as possible, feeling guilty about being an interloper in their relationship. Yukito, when his thoughts turned to Touya in this way, seemed to forget that Yue was there, and while Yue was glad that his presence didn’t seem to interfere with Yukito’s intimate time with Touya, he also wished he could give them their privacy, and not have to bear it witness.

“Yeah. It is,” Touya replied, reaching out to lace the fingers of their left hands together, so they could still eat with their right hands. Yukito looked up to find Touya’s eyes on him, expression soft and fond. He beamed, glad Touya knew what he meant and felt it, too.

“Yuki,” Touya murmured, squeezing Yukito’s fingers gently, “I’m glad you told me.”

Yukito blushed, knowing immediately what Touya was referring to. “I was so nervous, To-ya! I didn’t want to ruin our friendship. But I’m glad I told you, too.”

“That’s why I never told you, either,” Touya admitted. “I wasn’t sure you wanted this kind of thing. I’ve never seen you show any romantic interest in anyone.”

“That’s because it’s always been you,” Yukito replied, blushing harder. “I’ve never wanted anyone but you.”

“It’s the same for me.” Touya looked down at their joined hands, stroking his thumb over Yukito’s. “I thought what I felt for Kaho was what romance was supposed to feel like, but I think we were just attracted to each other’s magic. I think she knew that, too, even at the time. She told me when she left that we would both find other people. Then I met you, and I felt it, immediately. It’s you, you’re the one whose side I want to be by, for the rest of my life, however I can have you. If all you ever wanted was friendship, I would have been happy with that. But, I’m glad you want more.”

“You have me,” Yukito assured, turning his hand over in Touya’s to squeeze it in return. “You always have. And, I do want more. I want everything. Everything, with you.”

“Me, too,” Touya replied softly, sliding their palms together. “Everything, with you.”

“I’m so relieved,” Yukito sighed with a breathy laugh. “Sakura-chan told me you probably returned my feelings, but I still wasn’t sure.”

“Sakura?! She knew?” Touya spluttered. “When did she…?”

Yukito grinned. “That day at the school festival, when she confessed her feelings for me. She guessed that I loved someone else, and she guessed correctly that it was you. I had no idea that she was that perceptive. Or maybe we’re just that obvious.”

“That little monster,” Touya grumbled. “I’m putting konjac in the rice tonight.”

“To-ya!” Yukito chided, laughing. “Don’t be mean, it’s her promotion day!”

 

 

After they finished with lunch, they spent the next few hours making a celebration dinner and dessert for Sakura’s promotion. Sakura came home from school and tried to help, but they shooed her out of the kitchen, and then Fujitaka came home and tried to help, but they shooed him away too. Finally, after laying out a plentiful (konjac-free) dinner of all of Sakura’s favorites, they called the other two to the table. The four of them sat down together and gave thanks, before passing around more congratulations for the completion of another school year as they started in on the food.

“Any plans for the spring break?” Fujitaka asked, glancing around the table.

“No, not really,” Sakura answered first. “With everything that’s been going on, we haven’t had time to think about it…”

“Everything that’s been going on?” Fujitaka blinked, confused.

Sakura immediately began to flail, but Yukito quickly rescued her. “Ah, I’m sure with both Eriol-kun and Li-kun leaving so suddenly, everyone was too distracted to make plans, right?”

“Y-yeah!” Sakura agreed, beaming in self-conscious thanks at Yukito, who smiled back.

“Oh, Tsukishiro-kun, I didn’t realize you knew Hiiragizawa-kun,” Fujitaka prompted with polite curiosity, and Yukito realized belatedly that the familiar way he’d mentioned Eriol would have seemed odd to Fujitaka.

“Oh, yes, we’ve recently become friends,” Yukito beamed. “He’s been very kind to me.”

“He does seem like a kind person,” Fujitaka agreed. “It’s too bad he needed to return to England.”

“Yeah,” Sakura nodded. “But he already wrote to me! I got a card for my promotion from him and Mizuki-sensei!”

“Mizuki-sensei?” Fujitaka blinked.

Touya jumped in to rescue Sakura this time. “Kaho met Hiiragizawa in England a few years ago, when she first went to study abroad. They live together now, along with the transfer student who was in our class, Akizuki Nakuru.”

“I see,” replied Fujitaka, and if he thought the arrangement was odd he didn’t show it. “Well, I’m glad you’re keeping in touch with them. I have a few friends in England myself, that I met on archaeology digs there. Perhaps we can all go visit England together someday.”

“That would be so fun!” Sakura bubbled, clapping her hands together.

“Speaking of trips,” said Touya, with a brief glance at Yukito. “Yuki and I do have plans for spring break.”

“Oh?” said Fujitaka. “I take it you’re going on a trip, then?”

“Yeah,” Touya affirmed. “We haven’t yet decided where, exactly. But we’ll probably leave on Monday, and come back a couple days before term starts, and Sakura’s birthday.”

Fujitaka beamed at them. “That’s wonderful. I’d love to contribute trip funds, as a graduation present.”

“You already gave us graduation presents, Tou-san,” Touya protested. “It’s okay, I’ve been saving up, for this.”

“I’ve also budgeted for it,” Yukito chimed in.

“Well, I’ve been saving up for your graduation as well,” Fujitaka countered gently. “It’s not every year you two graduate from high school, you know. And Touya-kun, you’re not even letting me help you with university expenses. This gift isn’t much, but please accept it, both of you.”

Touya acquiesced with a warm smile. “Thanks, Tou-san.”

“Thank you very much, Kinomoto-sensei,” Yukito agreed.

 

 

Fujitaka sent them all away after dinner, volunteering to do the washing while Sakura took a second slice of cake to her room and Touya and Yukito went to plan their trip. Yukito served himself a second slice of cake as well before following Touya up to his room. Touya shut the door, and as he came over to sit on the floor with Yukito, he swiped a finger through the fluffy frosting and stuck it in his mouth.

“To-ya!” Yukito protested, laughing. “You could have gotten your own!”

“I don’t want my own,” Touya replied through the frosting in his mouth. “I just wanted a little of yours.”

Yukito harrumphed, but an affectionate smile tugged at the corners of his mouth as he cut into the cake with his fork. He put the bite in his mouth, closing his eyes humming happily at its sweetness as it melted on his tongue. When he opened his eyes again, he caught Touya watching him intently. “What?” he asked self-consciously.

“I just like looking at you,” Touya murmured with a little smile. Yukito blushed, and Touya’s smile grew. “I forgot the books. I’ll be right back.” He rolled to his feet and left the room.

Yukito worked his way through the cake, glad for the respite to cool down the heat in his face. After they’d spent most of the day with their dynamic basically unchanged, he’d been caught off guard by Touya’s sudden flirting. It was far from unwelcome, though, and Yukito found himself smiling around his fork wondering how else Touya might catch him off guard.

Once the cake was gone, he rose up on his knees to set the empty plate on Touya’s desk, where his eye caught on the framed photo of the two of them at the Tanabata festival, which Fujitaka had taken of them a couple years ago. Yukito smiled fondly at the memory, climbing to his feet to pick up the frame and look at the picture more closely. Something fluttered against his fingers as he did so, and he turned his hand over, frame and all, to look. There was another photo tucked behind the frame. He lifted it carefully away and turned it face-up.

Striking pale-violet eyes with cat-like pupils looked out at him from a moon-pale face, framed by elaborately braided silver hair adorned with snow-white flowers. Yukito’s breath left him, his heart stuttering, unable to tear his eyes away from the unearthly beauty of this picture of whom he knew in his bones was Yue. More than from what he remembered of Touya’s description, more than from the brief glimpses of hands and long legs from the memories Yue had shared, when he looked at this picture there was a deep recognition in him, despite having never seen Yue’s face.

Yue’s attention sharpened from trying not to exist to keen alertness, observing Yukito’s reaction for signs of mental shutdown, like Eriol had warned, but also with curiosity and a little embarrassment. How would Yukito feel about this visual evidence that he was sometimes someone else? This was also not the image Yue would have chosen to show Yukito, captured during a moment of emotional intensity toward Touya.

Yukito felt the flutter of Yue’s presence in the back of his mind, but he was so entranced by the details of the picture that he didn’t respond. His gaze roamed over the graceful curve of jaw, the silver sweep of eyebrows, the faint rose-glow of a blush on moon-bright skin. Those otherworldly eyes, the color of moon-shadow, intense and defiantly vulnerable as they looked straight at the photographer.

“Who took this?” he breathed, ghosting his fingers over the blush on Yue’s cheeks in the image, wondering what had made him make such an expression.

“I did,” came Touya’s voice from behind him. Yukito startled, much like the rabbit he was named after.

“To-ya! I didn’t hear you come in.” Yukito took a breath, trying to calm his thumping heart, and smiled sheepishly.

“You looked pretty distracted,” Touya commented, moving up behind Yukito so he could look at the photo as well, over Yukito’s shoulder. His hands came up to rest lightly on Yukito’s arms. “This is your first time seeing a picture of him?”

“Yeah,” Yukito murmured, looking back at the photo as well. “He’s just started sharing memories with me. But it’s all from his own perspective, so I don’t get to see him.” He imagined Touya on the receiving end of that expression and an unnamed emotion curled a knot in the pit of his stomach. “He’s so beautiful.”

“You both are.” Touya tugged Yukito closer, his hands slipping down to wrap around Yukito’s waist.

“Not like that,” Yukito countered. He’d never given his own appearance much thought other than to be reasonably well-groomed, though he knew his peers had always found him pleasant to look at. But compared to Yue, he felt decidedly plain.

“Of course not like that,” Touya huffed in fond exasperation. “Yue looks like magic. You look human. Isn’t that the point?”

Yukito chuckled, relaxing into Touya’s hold. “You’re right. It is.”

Yue relaxed as well, marveling once again at how much Touya got them. He withdrew once again, satisfied that Yukito’s mind was safe, and wanting as much distance as he could get while Touya was this close, holding Yukito in an embrace that he had no right to be feeling.

Yukito set the pictures back on Touya’s desk the way he’d found them, and then turned in Touya’s arms. “You brought the travel books?”

“I did,” Touya affirmed, but made no move to get them. “I was wondering if we could do something first, though.”

“What is it?” Yukito asked curiously, settling his hands on Touya’s shoulders and feeling a little thrill of elation as he did so. They’d always been comfortable with casually affectionate touch between them, but this was a very different kind of touch, and finally getting to share it with Touya was euphoric. He couldn’t keep the smile off his face, and he felt flushed and warm all over.

“We can wait, if you want,” Touya hedged. “For a more special moment. But, I’d like to kiss you.” He blushed at the admission. “If you want.”

“I do want,” Yukito assured, his voice sounding huskier to his own ears than he ever remembered hearing it. “And, I don’t want to wait.”

Touya smiled, but wet his lips nervously. Yukito couldn’t stop his eyes from following the quick dart of his tongue. “I’ve never done this. I might be bad.”

“Me, too,” Yukito laughed. “I don’t mind.” He was glad for Touya’s arms around him, because his knees were feeling more and more like jelly.

“Okay.” Touya’s eyes were alight with excitement. He leaned in, and Yukito was flooded with flutters of anticipation that coalesced into a full body shiver as Touya gently brushed their lips together, once, twice, and then moved in for a tender press. Yukito matched the soft pressure, his entire focus honed in on the exquisite touch of their lips. They drew back after a moment to look at each other.

Touya licked his lips again, as if trying to taste Yukito on them. “How was that?”

“I liked it,” Yukito smiled. “And you?”

“I liked it, too,” Touya smiled back. “A lot.”

“Maybe we should do it again?” Yukito proposed. “A lot?”

“I think we should, yeah,” Touya agreed, and leaned in once more. There was less hesitance this time, as their lips met again, and again, moving slowly together in careful, breathless exploration. Touya’s tongue darted out, stroking along Yukito’s bottom lip, and Yukito moaned, startling them both. Touya grinned into their kiss and Yukito giggled self-consciously, before Touya moved in to do it again.

When they parted, flushed and smiling, Yukito licked his own lip without thinking, as if seeking to replicate the sensation.

Touya’s eyes caught the motion. “Good?” he asked.

“Good,” Yukito affirmed, blushing but elated. “Very good.”

“Good.” Touya tugged Yukito closer into a warm embrace, resting their heads together. Yukito sighed, content, burying his face in Touya’s chest and breathing him in. After about a minute, Touya murmured into his hair, “Want to look at books now?”

Yukito hummed, pretending to think about it for a moment. “Okay. But only if there’s more kissing after.”

“Deal,” Touya grinned.

 

 

Notes:

Now kiss!!! *smashes muses together* XDD ugh they're so cute <333 and poor Yue shriveling up into an angst raisin in the background ~_~;;

I had a really great time describing that picture of Yue from Yukito's perspective. Since this story is 95% Yue's close POV, I never get to describe how freaking beautiful he is, because *he* doesn't think of himself that way. So it was nice to slip into Yuki's POV for a bit and do that.

So we've hit the end of chapter five! From here, the story actually splits. I'm writing a piece called "Sakura-chan in England" that features a timeline that will end up being erased. So if you hate that writing convention, don't read that, and wait until (T)suki gets updated again (it will be a while, as I write and post the other piece)--the story here in (T)suki is contiguous and will go on like nothing happened, because in this timeline, nothing did happen.

But if you'd like to take a fun romp with our friends in England, come join me in that story as I post it--featuring lots of magic, more Eriol, more found family feels, Yue being a badass, Sakura being a badass, Akiho and Kaito cameos, and of course, more angst and fluff from our favorite ship. "Sakura-chan in England" will be added to the "Seasons of the Moon" series, so subscribe to the series if you would like to be notified when it's up. My hope is to post chapter one on Thursday like usual, but it's still feeling not quite ready to me as of now so I might need to take a little more time with it before putting it up.

Thank you in advance for your patience! *bows* Tanoshimi shite ne! (Look forward to it!)

Series this work belongs to:

• Part 2 of Seasons of the Moon