Chapter Text
Kara knew a thing or two about loss. She knew it intimately. Slept beside it like a distant lover, a thin pillow between them.
So she knew that when she watched from her place beside Lena as her best friend got married to Jack, it almost felt like being embraced by loss all over again. She tucked her head down, covered her face daintily as if her happiness for the now wedded couple was so overwhelming she had to swallow it back in.
The applause rang true and loud and alive around her. she passed off the bouquet of plumerias back to Lena, dutiful maid of honor as she was, and she watched as the love of her life walked down the aisle with the love of her life.
At the reception, she stood in front of dozens of people awaiting the prose they expected from a pulitzer-winning journalist. Held captive by their eyes, their expectations. she smiled and let the crinkles by her eyes appear—that's how they knew she was smiling with her eyes, right? She would use it to her advantage if only to get through the next few minutes.
"Love is…an enduring thing. A hopeful thing. It is the act of getting up in the morning, of walking to the window and pulling back the curtains to let light in." She was not looking at any one person even as she pretended to scan the room. If only so she didn't have to look at Lena anymore.
Oh, but she loved loss as much as loss loved her. And so she finished her sweep to cast her gaze at the loveliest shade of green eyes staring at her in wonder.
She gripped the mic just a smidgen tighter and cleared her throat, the rest of her speech out of her mind and floating like dust motes under the spotlight.
“I know that speeches like these tend to be chock full of stories and inside jokes about the bride and groom. And maybe a couple more of these—" she held up her near empty champagne flute, "—you'll get lucky, but I am truly speechless. All I know is that Lena deserves all the love in the world. She can be stubborn and proud and will push you to your limits, but that's because her heart is so full of love to give. So all i want to say is this: Jack, please, take care of her and love her with all of your heart. Show her everyday that she is beautiful, mind and body. Show her that you'll be present and loyal and stay by her side, regardless of who steps in and out of your lives. Because if there's one thing I know about Lena, it's that she is and will always be worth the effort."
She heard sniffles around the rooms, yet she couldn't pay attention to them. Not when Lena's smiling face slowly transformed to slight confusion, her brows furrowing just slightly. Kara raised her glass and offered her widest smile yet.
"I wish you two the best."
The cheers and applause thundered around them, others clinking their glasses as guests chanted for the lovely couple to kiss. Kara shut her eyes and threw back the last dregs of her champagne. She hurried to the MC and dropped the microphone, before rushing away, citing a need for a refill and walked towards the bar. Yet instead of stopping at the bar, she didn't stop.
A sob escaped out of her lungs and she barely stifled it, unable to hold it in. She wiped an errant tear away from her face as she walked past the bar and out of the grand hall altogether.
It turned out that cowardice, like loss, loved her company. And she embraced it with tight fists by her side.
Chapter Text
Kara heard the starting swell of the music from the live band, the notes from the trumpet flowing out onto where she found herself now: a restricted garden area of the estate, muted slightly with the now closed door behind her. She rushed to the metal railing overlooking the gardens and gripped the top of it, fruitlessly shaking it in her grasp if only to release some of the stifled restlessness inside of her.
As the music continued playing, Kara knew this as the moment that Lena danced with Jack for the first time as husband and wife. How they swayed together in the middle of the dance floor, her floor-length dress swishing from side to side. Her hand on his shoulder, his hand on her waist. The two of them looking into each other’s eyes and smiled. They were a perfect snapshot of a happy, perfect couple on their happy, perfect day.
It was a scene that she didn’t have the strength to witness for herself. She was sure the inevitable wedding photos and videos would remind her, but she’d rather not hurt herself any more than she absolutely had to.
She hastily wiped the tears from her face, shutting her eyes closed to stop the tears from descending down her face and dropping onto her bridesmaid’s dress. She took a deep breath through her nose before exhaling out of her mouth. God, how she wished she had another drink before escaping. Or a smoke. Lena smoked when she was nervous or stressed. She’d even taken a drag just before she walked down the aisle. Kara should have pocketed it or something for this very occasion.
She knew she would need to go back in there soon, but the allure of leaving entirely and starting fresh elsewhere just to give her heart a fighting chance felt more and more appealing by the second.
“If you glare at that poor rosebush any longer, it might just catch on fire.”
Startled by the sound, Kara jumped slightly back from where she stood, her hip hitting the railing as her teary vision found Andrea, one of Lena’s longtime friends from their boarding school days if she recalled correctly, standing there with an arm across her chest while the other rested on it as she held a lit cigarette between two long fingers.
“I wasn’t g-glaring.” She shut her mouth, mad at herself for stuttering. “What are you doing here?”
Andrea tilted her head and held out the hand holding her burning cigarette. What else , she gestured.
She watched the red embers from the tip of the cigarette. Then, “Do you have another one?”
That seemed to earn her a curious arched brow, but Kara only shrugged. Seemingly satisfied, or perhaps not simply not caring, Andrea opened her other hand to reveal the pack of cigarettes and her small gold lighter.
“Not what I would have expected from you, Pulitzer.”
“My name’s not Pulitzer,” she said, her tone defensive even as she took a cigarette and carefully rolled it between her fingers. “And you don’t know me.”
“No, can’t say that I do.”
Andrea deftly opened her lighter with a flick, the golden flame lit up between them as Kara, novice that she was, tried to light her cigarette. Kara placed the butt of the cigarette between her lips and puckered before she inhaled and let the smoke fill her lungs as best she could. Inevitably, unsurprisingly, that one pull was enough for her to cough and barely cover her mouth as she turned away to clear her airways of smoke.
“Did know that , though.”
She wanted to glare away the smirk on the woman’s face. Determined, she took another hit and let the warmth take over, if only to focus her mind. She turned her head and exhaled away the smoke from the corner of her mouth before quickly doing it again.
“You know you can’t get drunk smoking cigarettes.”
She huffed, the smoke coming out through her nostrils as she made a face at the other woman.
Andrea only smiled before she put her hand up, thumb over the pack of cigarettes and lighter to hold them in place, as a show of surrender. “Relax. It’s a marathon, not a sprint.”
Then, as if demonstrating, Andrea brought her own cigarette to her mouth, the light colored filter sat against the rouge of her lips and inhaled. She stared expectantly at Kara as the smoke settled momentarily in her lungs before eventually the smoke wisps came through the side of her mouth.
Kara watched her, fascinated, even as she let her own cigarette continue to burn unsmoked between her fingers. They stood there in silence with one another, Kara slowing herself down with each drag, the smoke a putrid smell to her senses but it was something to focus on. She looked at the wall straight ahead of her, every now and again glancing at her unexpected companion. Woven between the wisps of smoke between them was what she could only assume was Andrea’s perfume. Something surprisingly fresh, floral. Not something Kara would have guessed for the other woman. Kara might have considered something warmer, darker.
“So which one?” Andrea asked aloud, breaking the silence between them, just as she finished her cigarette, dropping it by her feet so she could squash it with her shoe.
Kara scrunched her face. “Which one what?”
“Which one are you in love with?”
“I—” Her brows jumped to her hairline in surprise before her jaw dropped as she tried to find her voice.
“Lena, right?”
“I’m not—”
Andrea shook her head even as she waved her hand dismissively. “I’m not judging. It doesn’t matter, either way. But it’s her, isn’t it?”
Kara’s face scrunched as she thought about her options. She could lie. She’d been doing it for years, after all. But she was tired. And, at this point, it might do her some good to be honest even if it was just with one other person.
She looked away before nodding her head, ashamed of herself. Yet the confession lifted something up inside of her; she felt lighter, even just for a moment.
Andrea hummed as she wrapped her arms around herself. “There are worse people to pick, if it’s any consolation.”
Kara scoffed. “It’s not. But thanks.”
Andrea then gripped the remainder of Kara’s cigarette and plucked it out of her hand.
“Hey!”
“I won’t be responsible for your nicotine addiction. Let’s go back inside. If you really want to nurse a broken heart, that’s what the open bar is for.”
Kara watched as Andrea snuffed out her cigarette with the same shoe she used earlier and clutched at Kara’s now free hand, dragging her back through the doors. She could protest—should, really—but instead, powerless and resigned, she let herself be pulled back into the fray unaware of how she gripped the other woman’s hand tightly in hers like a lifeline.
When Kara reentered the grand hall, she winced at the cacophony of sounds and smells and sights. She winced slightly, adjusting her glasses with her free hand when she realized that her other hand was still firmly held in Andrea’s. She should let go, and eventually, she did. But if she let her joined hands linger for just a beat longer, Andrea said nothing about it.
She stepped forward and turned her body slightly towards the other woman. “Thanks. For earlier. And if you could—”
“I won’t tell. Don’t worry.”
She nodded, but then paused. “Why not?”
“What do you mean? Did you want me to?”
“No! I mean—I just don’t understand why you’re being so nice to me right now.”
“Would you rather I kick a girl while she’s down?”
She pouted. “Is this just pity?”
“Ah, querida, you’ll know if it’s pity.”
“Then what is this? What are you doing?”
Andrea eyed her intently, then made a point to scan the room until she found what she was looking for. Curiously, Kara followed her gaze and it landed on the wedded couple talking to some random group of grandparents several tables away.
“Helping. I’m helping.”
She was just about to ask why when they heard the clink of the utensils against the glass, urging for the newlywed to kiss.
Kara watched helplessly as Jack dipped Lena and kissed her, the grand hall filled with cheers and applause. When she turned to Andrea, the other woman had already been staring at her, as if to answer her unspoken question: that’s why .
“Come on. You need liquor.”
Chapter Text
Kara’s job as maid of honor was basically done after her speech, which she was thankful for. She’d dutifully checked in on Lena throughout the course of the hours-long reception to see if there was anything she could do, but Lena always shook her head and thanked her, letting her know that her presence alone was enough comfort to her. Kara warmed at the sentiment, but she knew better than to delude herself by attaching more meaning to these words, so she smiled and ushered Lena towards the other guests who wanted a moment of her precious time. It wasn’t very hard to do considering Lena’s attempts to spare a moment and chat with her was somehow always intercepted by Jack or someone else from the wedding party so that Lena could just briefly chat, it’ll only take a minute.
When it looked like Lena got a moment for herself, Kara watched her make a beeline to the table she and Andrea randomly occupied while they watched the dance floor filled with strangers dancing and having a good time.
“This is a lovely surprise,” Lena said, eyeing the two of them. Kara’s smile was small, yet Andrea only cocked her head to the side and smirked.
“Well, Pulitzer here was just regaling me about her upcoming piece.”
“Pulitzer?” Lena asked, quirking a brow in question.
“It’s a new nickname she’s trying out,” she offered with a shrug. “Jury’s out on how much I like it.”
Andrea poked her with a finger on her exposed bicep as she exaggerated how much she’d been pushed, Lena’s eyes trained on them all the while.
“She resists, but you can tell she secretly likes it.”
Despite her best efforts, Kara’s cheeks warmed and she had to duck her head as she chuckled, wondering what kind of game Andrea was playing at.
“Anyway,” she started, clearing her throat. “Is everything alright? Do you need anything from me?” Kara asked. Regardless of her own warring feelings for her best friend, she wanted to make sure that Lena had the best time at her wedding.
“No, no. Everything’s fine. I was mostly wondering where you ran off to.”
“Here I am,” she said.
“I see that.”
Their small table grew quiet, she and Andrea on one side with Lena on the other. It was turning out to be a strange moment, and Kara desperately wanted to change it.
“I’ll get us some drinks, Pulitzer,” Andrea said, breaking the growing tension between them, rising to her feet. Kara glanced at the table in front of them where two brand new drinks they’d just gotten sat untouched. But Andrea was already out of her seat and resting her hand on Kara’s shoulder. The hand didn’t linger for too long, but it lingered long enough that Kara felt the warmth of her palm on her skin; long enough for Kara to but turn her head to see well manicured fingers painted a shiny red against the tan of her skin. “Lena, can I get you anything?”
“No, I’m fine.”
“I’ll be back, querida.”
Kara’s gaze followed after Andrea before she turned her attention back to her best friend who was eyeing her curiously.
“That’s new. I didn’t know you two were such good friends.”
She laughed, the sound coming out strangled and awkward. “We’re—I mean, we’re not. I stepped out earlier and she was smoking and we just got to talking. That’s all.”
“Is that where you were after the…”
“Yeah, yeah,” She interrupted. “I just got a little overwhelmed, lots of emotions on your big day and just needed some fresh air. I’m fine. I promise.”
Lena nodded, studying her, before she finally seemed to accept her words at face value, offering her a gentle smile. She then steered the conversation elsewhere . “God, I’d love to have a smoke right now.”
Kara snorted. “You still have your pack in your dressing room. But I doubt your uptight mother would appreciate you leaving to grab a smoke and drop ash all over your pristine dress.”
Lena snorted, leaning forward. “I would risk Lillian’s wrath for a drag right now. But I suppose you’re right.”
“I normally am,” she offered, a teasing smile on her lips.
Lena adjusted herself, pulling at her dress as she pivoted in her seat slightly. She then reached towards Kara and placed a hand on her forearm. The touch was warm and soft, yet it ignited the space underneath Kara’s skin and she had to fight the urge to pull back, unsure if she could trust her emotions from not snapping from how taut they’d been pulled in all sorts of directions.
“Listen, Kara, is everything alright? You gave such a lovely speech, which I think was far too nice—”
“Everything I said was the truth.”
Lena, bashful, dropped her gaze momentarily. “Thank you, darling. I appreciate that. But I guess I was more concerned after your speech—”
Yet before Lena could say anything more, one of the groomsmen tapped Lena on the shoulder to retrieve her so she could talk with a group of Jack’s college friends sitting and laughing on the other side of the grand hall, all of them waving Lena over.
Lena smiled apologetically. “Sorry, it’s just never ending, it seems like.”
But Kara only shook her head, offering her best friend a sympathetic smile. “Don’t apologize! You’re the bride. Of course everyone wants to speak with you. Go enjoy your own wedding. If anything, I’m literally the last person you should be talking to right now, you talk to me every day.”
Lena made a face, but Kara couldn’t quite get a read on her. “I’ll find you later, alright? Maybe I can use you to hide.”
She nodded and gave Lena her most winning smile. “Go, they’re waiting for you.”
She watched from her seat as Lena stood and let herself be whisked away by the elbow, turning to look over her shoulder and comically point at how she was being dragged away. Yet when she reached Jack’s side, Kara couldn’t help but turn away. She didn’t bother lingering at the table and instead headed to the bar where she found Andrea standing to the side and leaning against it, sipping on some type of amber liquid.
“Here I thought you were going to get us drinks,” she said, sidling up to the other woman.
Andrea only smirked. “I lied.”
“I know. I am without a drink,” Kara said, making a show of her empty hands. Andrea, amusement in her eyes, turned to face the bartender and signaled wordlessly with her glass. From the corner of Kara’s eye, she watched the bartender quickly fill an identical tumbler with the same amber liquid before placing it on the bartop between them.
“There’s your drink.”
Kara scrunched her face. “Scotch’s not really my thing.”
“You already smoked today. Might as well add this to the list.”
She proceeded to stare down at her drink, her fingers tapping on the counter just a few shy centimeters from the glass.
“Wow, it’s like being back in boarding school.”
“I resent that.” Despite herself, she laughed, her head tipping back slightly as she picked up the tumbler. Andrea clinked her glass against hers and nudged her to take a sip. So Kara did, the warmth quickly spreading from her tongue down her throat and into her belly. The nuanced flavors were lost on her, and she simply grimaced as she downed the whole glass. Then she slammed the glass back on the bar and pointed to the bartender for a refill.
“You’re like an alien fresh off from space,” Andrea commented as if studying her, but she followed suit, downing the rest of her drink and requesting a refill.
“I feel like it sometimes.”
The pair of them gathered their glasses, their backs digging into the edge of the bar counter as they resumed their observation of the grand hall.
“This must be miserable for you.”
Kara laughed mirthlessly before she met Andrea’s eyes. “It’s fine. I’m fine. I’m happy for her. Them.”
“How long?”
She chewed her lip in thought. She felt like she’d been in love with Lena since the moment they met four years ago, but she wasn’t sure how much more pathetic she would feel in front of Andrea if she admitted that, so she cleared her throat instead. “Too long.”
Chapter Text
The night finally came to a close and Kara’s heart was battered and bruised, her cheeks in a similar state from the amount of polite smiles she provided as people expressed how moved they were about her speech. A speech that didn’t follow what she’d written and rehearsed for two weeks leading up to the wedding. A speech that included so much more, stories and anecdotes of adventures and happiness and jokes and laughter to share with guests: an oral history of their friendship interwoven with the ways that Jack and Lena belonged together.
In the end, all it became was a quiet plea for her best friend to be taken care of, to be loved and cherished—words from a deeply rooted secret she’d simply never had the courage to confess.
Her heart was of two bittersweet halves: overwhelmingly happy for her best friend, yet broken still for what Kara could never have, what they could never be.
She’d stuck to drinking water after the scotch she’d drank with Andrea, glad to clear her mind even if her heart remained in a fog. Tomorrow there was a wedding party brunch before Jack and Lena left for their month-long honeymoon. So despite wanting to return to the comfort of her apartment, she had to stay one more day until she could give herself a break.
As the night wound down, Kara couldn’t help but observe the woman who had appeared out of nowhere, lit cigarette in one hand and gold lighter in the other, and stuck by her side for much of the reception. In truth, the night would have been considerably worse if Andrea hadn’t stayed by her side. Kara had originally brought her friend Mike as her plus one, but he’d long since disappeared to hook up with another guest, exactly as she promised him when she asked him to attend with her.
Her eyes settled on Andrea’s profile, the way her brown hair slid down the side of her head to curtain her face before a hand shot up and carded through her hair to put it back in its place. Then she resumed to quickly type away at something on her phone, her slightly long nails, oval and blood red, audibly tapping against the screen.
“Got a hot date tonight?” she started, trying to tease the other woman, when she nodded towards Andrea’s fast typing.
In response, Andrea only tilted her head, raising a sculpted brow before pursing her lips. Kara fought the desire to look away when Andrea didn’t immediately respond.
Eventually, Andrea leaned forward, closer than she’d ever gotten to Kara. “You could say that.”
Kara barely resisted every temptation to shiver, suddenly aware of Andrea getting into her space; the fresh floral scent of her perfume faint, yet still present. Andrea sat back in her chair and resumed texting whoever, leaving Kara to gulp down the rest of her water.
She was left to her thoughts as she watched the great hall begin to clear out. Andrea had mentioned that she was helping Kara. But that didn’t explain why. It was still a mystery to the reporter, and she had to know. She would find out at some point, but for now, however, she was going to bid her best friend goodnight.
The pair of them were last in the short line closer to the bride and groom, quipping about the remaining guests all the while.
“That outfit is garish. She looks like a walking Jell-o.” A loud laugh erupted from her and she had to quickly cover her mouth when several heads turned in their direction, including that of Lena who cocked her head in wonder even as she resumed talking with guests. Kara stifled her giggling and waved at them in apology, Andrea remaining unbothered beside her.
“That’s not very nice.”
“I’m not very nice.”
Kara shook her head. “I don’t believe that,” she offered before turning back her attention to the line, just missing the way Andrea’s eyes watched her for a few lingering moments.
They waited patiently as the last of the guests shared their well wishes with Lena. Andrea stepped up first and gave Lena a brief hug.
“Congratulations, Luthor. Finally found yourself a good one, huh?”
Lena narrowed her eyes in mock offense, but she only shook her head. “Ben Lockwood doesn’t count, and you know it.”
Andrea and Lena conversed some more about memories Kara wasn’t privy to, an exchange that Kara had never witnessed until now. She knew about Andrea, but only peripherally. She knew that Lena and Andrea’s families ran the same circles and they’d known each other longer than Kara realized. She noted to herself to ask about it sometime later, if given the chance. The other woman flashed a winning smile and she and Lena hugged again before Andrea took a step back just as Kara emerged beside her.
When Lena’s eyes fell on her, Kara’s heart skipped a beat. Lena’s polite smile widened to a genuine one—one that Kara loved being directed at her. She opened her arms and Lena fell into them easily, comfortably, her head tucked by her shoulder. Lena sighed audibly and Kara giggled.
“Tired?” she asked, pulling back to put some distance between them, except Lena kept a hold of her hands.
“Like you wouldn’t believe.”
“Well, at least it’s over for now.”
“Ah, Kara!” Jack called from over Lena’s shoulder. He went in for a hug and she accepted it, letting her hands drop from Lena’s hold and patting him on the back. “You have been a godsend, and we just can’t thank you enough for helping make this day perfect.”
She smiled, her cheeks aching. “You’re welcome.”
“And I promise. I will do as you say,” he said softly, an earnest smile on his face, harking back to her speech.
She swallowed the dryness in her mouth and nodded.
“So, brunch tomorrow morning?” Andrea asked aloud, three heads turning to look at her. “Kara graciously invited me to join, but wanted to make sure it was okay if I crashed.”
“Oh, um, of course,” Lena started.
Kara tried to hide the surprise on her face at the blatant lie Andrea just told, when she offered an apologetic smile. “Sorry, I had some Scotch earlier, and I guess I just ended up mentioning it.”
Lena tilted her head, confusion more apparent on her face. “You…don’t drink Scotch.”
Before she could reply, she tensed as Jack stepped forward and placed an arm around Lena’s shoulders. “Absolutely! The more, the merrier. The dining area opens at 8:30 but brunch won’t start until 10, more officially.”
“Come on, Pulitzer,” Andrea said, hooking her arm around Kara’s own and leaning so that her side pushed up against Kara’s arm. If Kara knew any better, she’d say there was a flash of something that passed through Lena’s eyes. But she knew that the lights and the after effects of the alcohol were most likely playing tricks on her. “Let’s leave the happy couple to retreat back to their rooms. See you two lovebirds tomorrow morning.”
Kara lifted a hand and waved at Lena just as she let herself get ushered away until the two of them were walking out of the grand hall and towards the elevators.
“You invited yourself to brunch,” she commented just as they stood in the elevator car, unsure of what else to say.
“Yeah, and thank God too, querida. You were losing it.”
“What?” She turned to face Andrea. “I wasn’t—I wasn’t losing it.”
“Your feelings are raw, okay. I get it. But if you stuck around any longer, you’d look more pathetic than a wet dog in a snowstorm.”
“Th-that’s not even remotely true. I was keeping it together just fine.”
Andrea took a step forward until the tips of their shoes were practically touching. “Were you keeping it together when Jack placed his arm around Lena?"
When she couldn't give a response, Andrea patted her gently on the cheek. "Listen to me: you’re not fine. You will be, but you’re not fine right now.”
She glared at the woman in front of her. Yet as her eyes roamed Andrea’s face, the shock on Kara’s face told all too well what realization she’d made about the other woman.
Andrea rolled her eyes and made a face. “Don’t make it a big deal, alright? We were kids. Hardly matters now, I’ve since moved on to directing my one-sided affection towards worse people.”
She wanted to ask more questions—she had so many more that were on standby at the tip of her tongue, but just then, the elevator dinged and the doors opened, and Andrea walked out without so much as a glance back at her. It was only after Andrea stopped in front of a door that Kara realized their rooms were right next to each other.
Chapter 5
Notes:
this chapter is M rated for sexual content. tame stuff, but the warning is there. and for those who are waiting for a certain pairing, just know it will be in this fic. just...not right now.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Kara stood right next to Andrea as she eyed both hotel doors.
“It seems we’re neighbors,” Andrea offered.
She glanced at the woman beside her. “Why do I get the feeling you knew that already?”
Andrea only shrugged, seemingly unaffected. “That’s why my hair’s so pretty. It’s full of secrets.”
Kara’s jaw dropped, not sure how to process the unexpected joke. “Did you just…quote Mean Girls to me?”
“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize that that movie was only for peasants.”
“Peasa—I have a Pulitzer!”
The other woman smirked and stepped forward, their face suddenly closer than Kara anticipated. “Oh, so now you accept that you have a Pulitzer.”
“I always accepted–! It was the nickname. It’s-I don’t like the nick—”
Yet before she could finish speaking, Andrea’s lips found their way on hers.
Kara’s first thought should have been to stop Andrea. To pull back, To immediately put a stop to whatever this was. Instead, her first thought was the softness and suppleness of Andrea’s lips as she kissed back. Her second thought was that Andrea tasted a little bit of alcohol and faintly of the cigarette she’d had earlier. Her third and most fleeting thought was how she hoped her own lips weren’t chapped—
“Whoa, wait…” she said, finally pulling back just as she placed some distance between them. Andrea carded her fingers through her hair and watched patiently as Kara tried to gather her wits about her, all of which were slipping through her fingers like water. “I don’t understand. You know I’m in love with someone else.”
“I’m aware.”
“So why would you…”
“Haven’t you ever heard that the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else?”
“Yeah, but…”
“Look, Kara,” Andrea started. It was weird to hear her name come out of Andrea’s mouth, but now that she had, Kara realized that it was the first time Andrea had said her name all night. “The way I see it is that if you want to get over Lena, you have to let her go. And what I’m offering can help with that, if you’re open to it. I just think that if you’re interested, an arrangement could be made that’s equally beneficial to the both of us.”
She furrowed her brows. “What’s in it for you?”
“Well, Pulitzer, if you’re not terrible, then an orgasm or two.”
Kara stepped up and placed a hand on Andrea. “Please, be serious.”
Andrea watched her, a moment passing between them. Kara tried not to squirm, her eyes focused on Andrea’s blue-green eyes roaming her face. Then, Andrea brought thumb up and tried to wipe something off around her mouth, Kara belatedly realizing it was probably the other woman’s lipstick. “It’s exactly as I said. This doesn’t have to mean more than what it is. You and I can have fun tonight and be back to normal in the morning. The walk of shame for you isn’t even that long.”
Finally, Andrea stepped back, taking out her keycard from her purse and tapping it against her door until they both heard the small chime of the door unlocking. The other woman pushed the door open into a darkened room before she shifted to face Kara, leaning against the door and looking directly in Kara’s eyes.
“You have until the door slams shut to make a decision.”
Kara watched as Andrea slowly walked into her room, pushing the door as far back as possible and walked away leaving the decision in Kara’s hands.
She didn’t know Andrea, didn’t know if the woman was genuine. But as she quickly rifled through their time together during the evening, she couldn’t deny that she had a fun time with the other woman. Whatever her reason was for helping Kara worked, because Kara came out of that wedding alive.
And, if she was being very honest, Kara couldn’t deny that Andrea was a very attractive woman.
Kara caught a glimpse of warm light filling the room, but the door was just about to slam in her face when—
The tip of her shoe wedged itself between the door and the jamb. She shut her eyes, wondering if she was really going to do this, before taking a deep breath. All she’d done tonight was think and overthink, her mind running rampant and her heart struggling to catch up. Whether there was more or less to Andrea’s offer, she’d run out of time to determine. And, at this point, she didn’t care anymore.
With a push, the door swung open and she rushed to where Andrea was standing by the edge of the bed, taking her earrings off.
Just as Andrea was about to make some comment—no doubt some testing quip of some sort, Kara surged forward and kissed her. She took Andrea’s face in her hands and held her there—a touch to ground her as she closed her eyes and kissed a woman who held no place in her heart.
Their kisses turned frantic, her hands relinquishing their hold of Andrea’s face as they roamed down Andrea’s shoulders and to the zipper on the back of her dress. Andrea, for her part, was all too eager to run her own hands all over Kara’s body, her hands lingering and squeezing her biceps. Kara would have teased her about focusing on her arms if she hadn’t been so distracted with the fine figure beneath her after she tugged at Andrea’s dress. She then pushed Andrea down on her now exposed back, brown hair fanning in contrast with the white comforter.
“This means nothing,” she insisted, even as she unzipped her own dress from the side and let it crumple on the ground. Andrea pushed herself up on her elbows and fully slid back to get to the center of the bed, her dress pooling by her ankles, kicking them out of the way until she was left in her matching red underwear.
“You’re not even my type, Pulitzer.”
“I thought you said you wouldn’t kick a girl while she’s down?” she asked with an arch of her brow, a teasing grin on her face.
Andrea shrugged and unclasped her strapless bra and let it fall to the side. “Surprise, I lied.”
Kara unclasped her bra and threw it somewhere behind her before she crawled between Andrea’s legs, excitement growing as she glanced down at Andrea’s red lace panties. It made sense, Kara mused, that this woman would match and accessorize accordingly. She almost wanted to make a joke of it, but when she saw the darkened patch at the center of the lace, her mind blanked a little.
Instead, carefully, she slid her hands starting from Andrea’s hips and slowly up those smooth long legs until her thumbs teased the inside of her “Anybody ever tell you that you have a bad habit of lying.”
“And you have a bad habit of stalling. So, if you don’t mind,” Andrea said, waving her hand for Kara to continue. She shook her head, amusement and arousal prickling her skin as she shoved all thoughts of Lena and the wedding and the grief of all the love she could not give freely out of the way for something that could tether her to this moment.
She dropped her head and kissed Andrea fully in the mouth, further encouraged by Andrea wrapping her legs around Kara’s middle. Kara then shifted to bring her body down, until their naked fronts touched, their nipples pressing into one another. She enjoyed the way Andrea’s nails scratched at the base of her neck and her shoulders in response to their bodies reacting to one another.
Entangled with each other, she rocked them back and forth as they kissed and nipped for control. Their rhythm was fast, hungry, unable to stay in any one place. Kara was more than fine with that, because they weren’t anything to each other but a means to an end. She groaned when Andrea managed to push her head to the side so she could suck purple a sensitive spot on Kara’s neck.
She caressed Andrea’s body as she slid down, her mouth traveling from the crook of Andrea’s neck and onto her chest until she was faced with Andrea’s tits in full display. She hoisted herself on her elbows as she palmed both of them, giving them a teasing squeeze before her mouth descended on a nipple. Andrea moaned underneath her and tightened her legs around Kara’s body.
Encouraged, Kara continued to play and tease Andrea with her tongue while a free hand made its way down to Andrea’s center, her knuckle rubbing against the lace fabric, worsening the wet patch as she pushed in to tease.
“You’re this turned on already?” she asked, pulling up slightly and looking up to see Andrea’s eyes remain closed.
Andrea huffed, her hand making its way to Kara’s hair. “Not for long if you don’t keep going.”
She rolled her eyes but nonetheless returned to her task at hand. Andrea seemed content with Kara’s decision to continue because her hand held Kara’s head in place. Kara pushed the lace fabric to the side and let her fingers finally touch Andrea’s wetness, the heat of her core affecting Kara as she slid her fingers back and forth between Andrea’s sensitive inner lips.
“Fuuuck—yeah keep doing that.”
Dutifully, she followed Andrea’s voice as she directed Kara to play her body to her specifications. Of course, Kara was more than happy to comply, her own underwear growing a wet patch at how gratifying it was to satisfy someone.
She pushed back up to kiss Andrea, her brain hazy with the feel of this woman beneath her just as her fingers pushed into Andrea’s depths. Meanwhile, Andrea’s fingers dug into her back, small delicious bites of those beautiful red nails against her skin.
Soon, Andrea was moving her hips in rhythm to Kara pumping her fingers in and out, her forearm straining slightly from the angle, but not wanting to disappoint the woman in front of her.
“Yes, yes—” Andrea groaned. “Almost…”
Kara brought their lips together once more, her tongue seeking entrance in Andrea’s mouth even as the other woman struggled to kiss back as she neared the precipice of her orgasm. Kara stayed quiet during the whole ordeal, though her eyes were laser-focused on Andrea’s features when shadows of their movements danced on her skin, sweat forcing her hair to stick on the edges of her face.
Finally, Andrea pulled Kara into a searing kiss just as she tightened her arms around Kara’s shoulders, her ankles crossed behind Kara’s back. Kara let her body move with the climaxing current that was Andrea as the woman underneath her came all around her fingers.
They held each other for a moment, their heavy pants slowing to loud exhales, until Andrea completely dropped her limbs to her side. The heat of their entangled bodies suddenly disappeared, Kara suddenly feeling all cold.
Silently, she watched in wonder and curiosity until Andrea opened her eyes and gave her a pleasant smile. “Not bad, Pulitzer,” she offered, her voice coming out rough. Kara found it hot, if she was being honest.
She laughed, despite herself, her body and mind feeling weightless at this particular moment. She carefully pulled her fingers out, wiggling them before touching the wetness from her fingers on Andrea’s breast. She was rewarded with a squeak escaping from Andrea’s mouth and an earned slap on the shoulder. “I can do better, if you’re so unhappy with my performance,” she reasoned as she bracketed her arms around Andrea’s frame.
Andrea placed an arm under her head and stared at Kara above her. She nodded exaggeratedly even as she pulled Kara down with her free hand. “Very unhappy. Try again.”
Kara still didn’t know what was going to happen after tonight. Maybe nothing, maybe something. But Andrea was here with her, and not the figment and fantasy of a life she wished she had. So she would take what she could get. And she would give the woman in front of her another orgasm.
So, as she tilted her head down until their lips touched and she pushed her thumb on Andrea’s clit, Kara tried again.
Notes:
this chapter ends this particular arc of the story. good news for you: i have written the outline for the rest of the story. bad news for you: you have to wait a while longer until i get those bits written out. i will now go in hiding for a little to write up the next arc. i'm normally a long chapter update kind of gal but we'll see if i end up doing shorter updates in succession, similar to how i've done it here so far. we'll see.
in any case, thanks for tuning in! i appreciate getting y'all's comments. feel free to subscribe to the story or keep up with me on tumblr @sssammich as snippets and ficlets make their way there first before i move them more ~officially~ here on ao3.
hope yall enjoyed and i'll catch yall later in the next update!
Chapter 6
Notes:
this is only happening because it's st. patrick's day and supercorp sunday and therefore kcmg day.
the other remaining chapters for this arc aren't quite done yet, so those will be posted in succession...at some point. but this one is just because i can't control myself and the 1 lone vote in my poll on tumblr to oppose posting this for the bit simply did not win. so sorry to you pal but hooray to the rest of us
i appreciate y'all's patience! will be answering comments at some point this week and hopefully make some headway in this arc's remaining chapters.
ok enough of me babbling thx love u bye
Chapter Text
It’s only Kara’s third week on the job at CatCo. It’s a definite upgrade from her job writing articles for the Midvale Messenger, but the transition from small town to big city living has needed a little learning curve. She’s barely gotten used to her schedule, let alone the bus route to and from her apartment when a really big assignment falls on her lap that changes her entire life.
She looks up, pushing her glasses back on her face when she finds Snapper’s scowling face in front of her.
“Come with me.”
She furrows her brows, yet before she has time to ask him anything, he’s already walking away. She scrambles to her feet and rushes after her boss paying little attention to the stares coming from those around the office. She eventually gets her answer when they end up in his office.
“Sir, what—”
“Can you explain to me why Lena Luthor requested you specifically to write about the launch of their new tech project?”
Kara’s head remains empty as she quickly rifles through her mind for some flash of recognition to that name. She doesn’t know a Lena Luthor nor does she even cover the tech beat.
“Snapper, sir, this might be a misunderstanding. I don’t know who that is.”
He glares at her just as he places one hand on his hip while the other rests on his desk. “Well, you better figure out who she is quickly. You have an interview with her on Thursday at 10am. Do not be late. And make that article worth my while, you understand?”
“Me?” she asks, her head slow to catch up to his words.
“I’m going to pretend you didn’t ask me that. Now, get out of my office.”
Wordlessly, and still a little shell-shocked, Kara quickly exits out of his office and makes his way back to her desk.
“What was that about?” William, one of her coworkers, asks her as peers over his monitor.
She shakes her head. “I have no freakin’ clue.”
—
Armed with a memo pad and her trusty BIC ballpoint pen, she enters the L-Corp building in downtown National City. She’s on her second cup of coffee this morning, having stayed up late the last two nights doing her homework, researching about L-Corp, the upcoming project launch that the company has largely kept under wraps, and the head of Research and Design: Lena Luthor.
She has no idea what this woman’s game is about, but she won’t turn down the opportunity as it presents itself.
Wiping her sweaty hands on the back of her chinos, she reaches the 46th floor and talks with Lena’s assistant about ten minutes before her appointment.
“Miss Luthor will be with you shortly.”
“Thanks.”
She waits patiently in the small waiting area, her knee bouncing slightly. She crosses her legs at the knee and resituates herself to stop the bounce. She glances at the clock on the wall and finds that Lena Luthor is now five minutes late.
She considers walking up to the assistant who seems very intently typing away at her keyboard, but thinks better of it. She waits it out, gives it another five minutes. She reviews her questions from her pad and double checks that her recorder is fully charged. The ticking from the clock and the consistent typing sounds fill the otherwise empty waiting area.
She watches on as the assistant takes a call before looking over at her from across the way.
“Miss Luthor apologies for her tardiness, but if you could wait another five minutes, she’ll be on her way up.”
She nods and sits back slightly in her chair. The clock ticks on.
While waiting, Kara briefly wonders if this is some type of test, a ploy to check on her. Her imagination lands her to think that this might be some kind of hazing from her colleagues. That didn’t make sense, however, not when this assistant seems like the kind of woman who wouldn’t participate in a prank if it affected her productivity.
After almost twenty minutes, Kara audibly sighs, tries to rein in her annoyance, before getting up from her seat and decides that perhaps it’s best to reschedule. Just as she’s about to talk with the assistant, the elevator dings open and a woman in a lab coat wearing large dark-rimmed glasses with her hair pulled back in a high ponytail rushes towards them.
“You must be Kara Danvers,” the woman says, her voice coming out composed despite the exhale she lets out, no doubt from rushing out.
“I—yes,” she offers, a little stupefied in her spot, glancing down at the offered hand before slowly taking it in her own.
“Lena Luthor. My deepest apologies for being so late; I was on my way up when a small emergency that couldn’t be ignored exploded…literally.”
“Is everyone okay?”
“Everyone is more than fine, thank you. Now, I’m sure you’re also a busy woman, so if we need to reschedule, then I understand. But if you have some time to spare, I can clear part of my schedule so you can ask all of your questions.”
She blinks a few times to process Lena’s words, a reckoning force in front of her that Kara wouldn’t deny, even if she could. She beams and steps to the side. “Deal.”
—
True to her word, Lena Luthor answers all of her questions about the new project called Biomax, a nanotechnology meant to advance and expedite healing for various open wounds and injuries. She thoughtfully takes notes of Lena’s responses knowing that the recording will help jog her memories if necessary.
“Do you have any more questions?”
Kara glances down to the last question that she has underlined twice: why me?
She hesitates, an uneasy smile on her face. “Yeah, actually.”
“Go ahead.”
“Why did you pick me to interview you? As far as I know, we’ve never met—I’d remember you, for the record—so…just…why?”
Lena holds her gaze, her head tipping to the side as she regards Kara. She almost looks away under the attention, but maintains her composure.
“I’m honestly surprised you didn’t ask me right away.”
She shrugs.
“This project is very important to L-Corp and could greatly affect public perceptions of the company.”
“I won’t write a puff piece if that’s what you’re asking,” she declares, sitting up. Yet Lena matches her and places a hand up, as if to stop her.
“On the contrary. I need you to do what you do best.”
“Excuse me?”
Lena tents her hands in front of her and smirks. “Your established work in the Midvale Messenger shows level-headedness and thoughtful critiques. You’ve shown fair assessment and reporting, as far as I’m aware.”
“Oh.”
“This is a good project, Miss Danvers. I believe it can do a lot of good for a lot of people. But prior to the rebranding, L-Corp has been host to many scandals, as I’m sure your research has shown you. All I ask is that the project is reported on on its own merits and critiqued fairly for what it is and not who owns the building that developed it.”
“You researched me?”
“As I’m sure you researched me.”
“Fair enough.” She nods in understanding. Then, “Don’t worry. I’ll do my job.”
Lena smiles wide and Kara can’t help but glance down at red lips and white teeth.
“That’s all I ask.”
Lena’s phone rings, signaling that she needs to get ready for an upcoming meeting. They both stand on either side of Lena’s desk before Lena walks around and stands practically toe to toe with her.
“Thank you for your time, Miss Luthor—”
“Lena, please.”
“Lena, then. Thank you.”
“You’re welcome, Miss Danvers.”
“Well, if I’m calling you Lena…”
“Kara it is. Feel free to call back if you need anything else for your article.”
It’s only as they take the few measured steps between the desk and the office door that Kara notes the warm and cozy tones of Lena’s perfume just as she catches the side to side swish of her long ponytail from the corner of her eye.
She turns around again and offers a hand, this time Lena grabbing hold of it with ease and shaking it a few times.
“I hope this isn’t the last time we talk.”
“I hope not either.”
It’s not until Jess opens the door in front of them that they let go of each other’s hands.
—
Her article goes to print, and she’s happy to see her name on the byline. So soon after starting her job, too.
When she walks into the office the morning her article goes live, she’s met with all eyes from everyone staring at her as soon as she steps out of the elevator. She offers them uneasy smiles as she treks to her desk only to find it teeming with flowers.
“What’s this?” she asks as she tries to move the different bouquets out of her seat and away from her monitor and keyboard. She glances at William next desk over and he only shrugs.
“Secret admirer?”
She plucks the lone card from one of the bouquets and flips it over, grinning from ear to ear.
Thank you for doing your job. L.L.
—
The paper bag crinkles in her grip as she adjusts the shoulder strap of her messenger bag. The elevator dings and she appears back on the 46th floor of the L-Corp building.
She walks towards the assistant who doesn’t seem surprised to see her.
“Hi, uh—” she quickly glances at the name on the desk, “—hi, Jess. I was here last time. I know I don’t have an appointment, but do you think Len–Miss Luthor has a small break coming up or anything like that?” She knocks her glasses back up her nose with her knuckle.
Jess studies her for a moment before glancing back down to the monitor. “She’s free for the next fifteen minutes.”
She nods quickly and smiles, appreciative of the granted access.
Kara knocks and waits until she hears a muffled response for her to enter. She peeks through the door before slowly making her way in.
“Hi, Lena. Sorry to drop in unannounced…”
“Kara, hello. This is a lovely surprise.”
She hums. “Well, I was in the neighborhood.”
“Is that so?”
“Mm. It turns out, it’s hard to get work done when your desk is overflowing with flowers.”
“Really? Never would have guessed.”
“No? Somehow I’m surprised,” she asks with a slight giggle. “You didn’t have to do that.”
“Yeah, I did.” Lena nods, her face sobering slightly, even with the smile still on her face.
Kara brings a hand up and fixes her glasses again. “Well, I’m not sure I can compete with dozens and dozens of flowers. But perhaps I can offer you with a couple deep fried sugary goodness in exchange. You do eat donuts, right?”
Lena stands from the side of her desk and walks to accept the bag from Kara’s hands. “Well, I am human. Thank you, Kara. Won’t you join me? Probably for the best I don’t eat it all.”
“Only if you’re sure.”
Lena sits on the white couch at the far end of her office. “I’m very sure.”
Kara takes a spot on the couch, the bag of donuts sitting between them. The fifteen minutes of break that Jess originally mentioned becomes half an hour then an hour until it’s just about time to leave for the day, the minutes and hours filled with conversation about nothing, everything.
“Oh my gosh, I’m sorry, Lena,” she starts as they both rise to their feet. “I didn’t mean to keep you.”
“Nonsense.”
“I should probably get going, though. A few bites of donuts isn’t enough sustenance.”
“Well, if you’re not tired of me yet, I was just about to grab some dinner. You're welcome join me.”
"I couldn't impose."
"I insist."
Kara glances down at the way Lena’s hands fiddled with each other. Then she thinks briefly about the empty apartment that awaits her and the leftovers sitting in her fridge.
“Well, then, I’d love that.”
—
Days of friendship blossomed into weeks, Kara and Lena trading texts and video calls interspersed with dinners and coffees after long work days.
The excitement of friendship with Lena lit something deep inside of Kara that she didn’t know ever existed. Simply put, being around Lena was a source of comfort while she settled herself in National City.
“You’re not the only one who’s new around here,” Lena had said to her during one of their coffee outings, sympathizing with Kara’s adjustment after her recent arrival to the city. “It’s nice for me, too, to have someone—a friend—to spend time with. My therapist thinks so, anyway.”
Kara then reached forward and placed a hand on Lena’s. “Tell your therapist you’re not alone, Lena. You’ve got me.”
Lena smiled before reaching over and giving her a hug. Kara easily accepted, held Lena close to her, and made sure to never break her vow.
—
It’s been a handful of months since Lena and Kara became friends, best friends even, and being allowed unrestricted access to Lena’s office for Kara to stop by still rattles something inside of her. It’s…she can’t quite put a finger on it. A kind of intimacy she enjoys: to be chosen, to be privileged in this way.
She greets Jess with a grin and a separate bag for Jess’s favored almond croissants as Kara carries her and Lena’s lunch from Noonan’s.
“How’s it looking today, Jess?” she asks just as puts the bag for Jess on her desk. The assistant grabs for the bag, an uncharacteristic voraciousness as she opens it and takes a whiff of the pastry. “That bad, huh?”
“She’ll enjoy seeing you today, let’s just say.”
“Alright. Does she have a hard stop?”
“She has a conference call at 3. But otherwise, keep her from her computer until then.”
“Got it.”
Just then, Lena pulls the door open. “Stop plotting against me.”
Kara beams and walks forward with a one-armed hug as she holds the bag of their lunch away from their bodies. She warms at Lena’s touch, both of her arms wrapping around Kara’s back before it gently slides down the length of her back before her hands rest briefly on Kara’s waist.
“I’ll plot against you any way I like. I’m my own woman.”
“Yes, you are. It’s good to see you, darling. But we don’t have an appointment, do we?”
“No, no. I just figured I’d drop off some lunch for you. Heard you’ve had a brutal morning.”
Lena then glances at Jess who has remained steadfast in staring at her screen. “Is that right?”
“Yes. Now we can stand here or we can actually eat some lunch. I don’t know about you, but I’m starving.”
Lena steps back and allows her to walk past her, making a beeline for the coffee table in front of her white couch. She quickly takes out their food from the bag and situates it neatly in front of them, a nice little spread of salads and breads and pasta dishes.
“Did you buy all of Noonan’s?” Lena asks when she sits beside Kara on the couch. “I can’t possibly eat all of this food, Kara.”
“Uh, because they’re not for you,” she says, offering a playful scoff. “That’s your kale salad and all the good stuff is mine.”
She grins when she catches Lena rolling her eyes at her who otherwise grabs a plastic fork and takes a healthy bite out of her salad. Kara hates the stuff, thinks it’s an abomination, but she’s happy to see her friend eating and relaxing.
Kara etches this moment to memory. Because she likes how settled Lena is beside her as they dig into their lunch. Likes how visibly comfortable Lena looks as she asks Kara about her day so far. Likes how she nudges some other dishes Lena’s way until Lena relents, still gracious as she does so, picking at some of the food. It’s one of Kara’s favorite views, the way Lena leaves herself unguarded, her walls down, with her.
Abruptly and without notice, something inside of Kara shifts—irreparably, irrevocably.
She doesn’t know what she’s even said for Lena to snort in laughter, putting her food down on the coffee table to cover her mouth as giggles leak through her fingers.
Something inside of Kara slots into place, the world suddenly saturated and sharpened.
When Lena gets a handle on her laughter, her mouth still etched with the echoes of her mirth, she opens her eyes to fondly look back at Kara, grasping at her arm and squeezing.
Kara doesn’t hear anything but the pulse of her blood rushing to her ears, and the heat of Lena’s hand on her skin suddenly scorching her.
And Kara, hopeless and unprepared, discovers on a Tuesday afternoon that she’s maybe a little bit in love with her best friend.
Chapter 7: chapter 7
Notes:
hello my bad i haven't been around what had happened was that i was busy i had shit to do lol
anyway this story has been in my brain all year but it has changed a gazillion times who knows if any of the tags even apply anymore but we will keep moving along and see what comes out the other side. (ofc if the tags really do change i will adjust accordingly etc etc)
i have like a handful of different directions this could go and i am paralyzed with indecision lol but we will work through it because i wanna see the ending in my brain for this.
thanks for sticking around. feel free to reread the other chapters if you've forgotten like me. and also listen if you see mistakes no u did not
thx bye love yall
Chapter Text
Lena and Jack returned from their honeymoon a few days ago. She didn’t want to know this, but she was the maid of honor, so of course she knew. Yet as soon as the newlyweds landed back in National City, Kara had a text waiting from her best friend requesting a much-needed catch up.
She wanted to say no, the month-long distance had become somewhat of a healing balm for her heart. It really did help that Lena was out of sight for Kara to keep her out of mind. It wasn’t foolproof, of course, but she appreciated the reprieve. It was one thing to pine after her best friend, but now that Lena was married, she’d never felt more pathetic. Perhaps she was more pathetic for carrying a torch for her best friend after so many years, but Kara found that she couldn’t let go.
The truth of the matter was that she just couldn’t leave Lena. Lena could leave her, and she would allow it. Welcomed it, even. But she simply couldn’t be the one to step away first.
So here she was, waiting in front of their favorite Chinese restaurant, their agreed upon dinner destination for the evening. She scanned the passing crowds of pedestrians down the riverwalk, wondering if any of them knew how she felt. If they, too, had somehow wrangled their heart in a mess of loving the wrong person.
When Lena came into view, Kara instantly stopped her pacing, clammy hands set on her waist so she stopped fiddling.
Kara opened her arms and Lena jumped into them for a fierce hug, squeezing her best friend tightly in her arms, basking in the weight of Lena surrounding her. She was only human, after all.
“I really thought you’d look like a lobster by now,” Kara teased as they pulled apart.
“Do you honestly think I would go out into the sun willingly? You know I would never subjugate my Irish complexion to the sun like that.”
Kara shook her head just as she pulled the door open for the both of them, exaggerating her bow and eliciting a giggle from Lena. They were seated quickly,
“So what have you been up to?” Lena asked, placing her napkin on her lap. Kara opened her mouth to answer, flashes of her days sitting alone came to mind only to be superseded by her trysts with Andrea. She shut her mouth, lips forming into a thin line.
“You know, stuff.”
Lena’s brow quirked upward, and Kara knew there was a probing question at the tip of the other woman’s tongue.
“I find that hard to believe.”
She shook her head. “It’s just much of the same ol’, same ol’. Not really worth talking about my boring life. Not when you just got back from your trip.”
Moss green eyes narrowed slightly, studying her, but Kara put up her best smile.
“It was lovely,” Lena fawned eventually, seemingly willing to play along, recounting stories about their various destinations dotting southern Europe and Northern Africa. They fell into easy conversation after that just as Kara fell into her role. The teasing and the joking and the questions came out smoothly enough, so to Kara, that too was enough.
She was just about to dig into a potsticker when her phone buzzed on the table. A message popped up with a message from Andrea.
Do you have dinner plans?
She frowned before quickly picking up and thumbing back a response.
Yeah. Sorry
No apologies necessary. Talk soon.
“Sorry about that,” she mumbled, accompanying it with an equally apologetic grin, before turning her phone face down and resuming how she spooned some more rice on her plate.
“Everything alright?” Lena asks, chopsticks held up in mid-air.
“Yeah, yeah. Andrea just wanted to know if I had dinner plans, which—” she paused with a slight shrug and a huffed laugh, eyeing their table. “Obviously, I already do.”
Lena hummed and offered her a nod. Then, coolly, she asked, “Is that anything?”
“Is what anything?”
Lena only rolled her eyes, resting her chin on the heel of her palm. “You and Andrea. You two were awfully cozy at the wedding. Fast friends and all.”
She should probably deny everything now, nip whatever ideas Lena might have about her and Andrea in the bud. But something niggled in the back of her mind with the way Lena watched her as she waited for a response.
“Nah.” She shook her head, taking a sip of her water, mouth suddenly parched. “I mean, I don’t think so.”
“You don’t know?”
“We just hang out sometimes.” She did not elaborate that they have only mostly hung out in each other's bed or couch. A few times on Andrea’s kitchen counter and once on her living room floor.
“That’s—honestly, I’m a little surprised.”
Her brows knitted together. “What do you mean?”
Lena shrugged. “Just didn’t think you two would get along so easily. Andrea can be prickly, I suppose. And you’re…light.”
“Light,” she echoed.
Lena laughed a little to herself. “I don’t mean anything by it, darling. I’m just saying that you’re easygoing and bright and she’s a bit of a brooder, that’s all.”
That was a bit of a surprise to Kara, if she was being honest. Perhaps it was due to the fact that she didn’t see this brooding Andrea on their way to a bed. Or when they spent evenings without sex on the table, the conversations remained surface level, safe.
It reminded Kara that how either of them knew Andrea were not the same at all.
“Well, we just hang out,” she reaffirmed.
“That’s good.” Lena stuffed a potsticker in her mouth and chewed carefully, slowly, and every second pricked Kara’s brain. “You know you can be with whomever you want, darling. You know I’ll support you.”
“Even if I ended up with Andrea?” she asked, curiosity getting the best of her.
Lena tipped her head to the side, sitting back in her chair before clearing her throat. “Of course. However, I’m well within my rights as your best friend to give her the shovel talk if such a thing arises.”
Kara huffed out a snort and shook her head. “Shouldn’t you also give me the shovel talk? She’s your friend, too.”
It was then that Lena pushed herself up and took another bite of her food before settling her chopsticks on the side of her plate. She met Kara’s eyes. “Yeah, maybe. But she’s not my favorite.”
Lena's smile was radiant and playful and everything she wanted.
Kara wished she hadn’t said a thing.
—
After dinner, Kara and Lena parted ways when Kara declined Lena’s offer to drive her back to her apartment and instead opted to walk to the train station and go home that way.
“Are you sure?” Lena asked. “You know it’s no trouble. I’m happy to do it.”
Kara's phone buzzed in her hand and interrupted her thoughts. She glanced down to try and see who it was, surprised to find Andrea texting her.
Andrea: Oh my god are you at dinner with her right now?
“Um, it’s nice out,” she said finally, dragging her eyes away from her phone screen to the expectant eyes of her best friend. “The walk would be nice, and I need to digest.”
Lena regarded her for a second before pulling back and nodding, situating herself in the driver’s seat. “Alright. Text me when you get home?”
“You, too.”
Kara stepped back from the driver’s side window, shoving her fists in the pockets of her jacket and flashing Lena her best smile. She then took a hand out and waved goodbye as Lena drove away from the curb just to stop at the nearby traffic intersection. Kara refused to move from her spot, but otherwise answered the phone when it buzzed in her pocket.
“Hello,” she said, not bothering to look at the caller ID somehow already knowing who it was.
Sure enough, the dulcet tone of Andrea’s voice came through the phone. “Is she still there? Please tell me she is.”
She sighed deeply before turning on her heel and walking towards the direction of the station. “You’re literally the worst. And no, she’s not. She just left.”
“You didn’t go with her?”
“You’re so annoying.”
“You have a funny way of expressing your appreciation for my company.”
Perhaps she should have hung up then and there. For whatever friendship she and Andrea may have forged since the wedding, there was something unnerving about Andrea’s relentless pursuit of antagonizing Kara at every turn.
Still, the thought of being alone tonight after seeing Lena for the first time felt worse than entertaining Andrea’s presence. So she swallowed her pride.
“I can express my appreciation at my apartment, if you’re free later.”
Silence draped over their phone call and Kara waited, wondering what the other woman was thinking.
“I’ll be by around ten, querida.”
—
Kara opened her door to Andrea wearing jeans and a blue sleeveless blouse, emphasizing the blue in her eyes. For someone who was meeting Kara at ten o’clock at night, she looked much more put together than Kara who stood in her sweats and t-shirt.
“You look like a frat boy.”
She stepped aside, a frown on her face. “Uh, thanks?”
Andrea crossed the threshold and passed her by, placing her purse on the couch and glancing around Kara’s apartment.
“That wasn’t a compliment.”
Kara shook her head and knew that if she could put up with Andrea’s random judgment comments, she could do anything. She handed Andrea a glance of red wine after they made their way to her kitchen island.
“Didn't really take you for a booty call, Pulitzer." Andrea took a sip of her drink, twisting her glass by the stem.
She scrunched her face.
"Relax," Andrea said, walking towards her, raising a hand to catch Kara's chin between her index finger and thumb. "I need you loose and limber."
"You're such a bitch."
"Ooh, dirty talk."
She rolled her eyes, but there was now a reluctant smile on her face.
"There she is," Andrea smirked with satisfaction. "You done pouting like a baby?"
Kara huffed. "I wasn't pouting like a baby. I was just tired."
“Mm. Pining after a married woman does that to you,” Andrea said with a shrug. “Or so I've heard.”
“I wasn't pining! Besides, I thought you were gonna help me out."
The other woman rolled her eyes, leaning against the kitchen island and folding one arm under the other so she could hold her glass up. "Alright, you have a minute to talk about it."
"Not really much to talk about. She’s-they're back from their honeymoon, of course had the time of their life probably. I was kinda dreading seeing her, but it turned out better than I thought. I was really hoping that all this time she was gone would've helped, but just seeing her again—"
"Not as strong as you thought, huh?"
Her jaw had dropped, but the pointed look Andrea threw her way had her indignation deflate. "No, guess not."
Silence sat between them, Andrea watching her while Kara stared off into space. Then Andrea downed the rest of her wine and placed the glass back on the counter.
"Alright, minute's up."
Kara's jaw dropped again, shock plastered on her face. Then she shook her head because if nothing else, she knew what she was getting with Andrea. "You are kind of terrible, you know that?"
“Say less. Please.” Andrea put a hand up. Kara effectively shut up. When Andrea pointed towards her bedroom she only nodded and followed quietly after as Andrea made herself at home.
“Should we set some boundaries?” she asked, situating herself by her bedroom dresser.
Andrea scoffed and turned at her incredulously. “What is this, a romcom?”
“No? But we're not dating and it's just sex.”
Sitting on the edge of Kara’s bed, Andrea leaned down and carefully tugged her heels off of her feet to reveal red polished toenails. “Those already sound like boundaries to me.”
“Can you stop joking for a second?”
"That's rich, coming from the one instating boundaries about hooking up after we've already been hooking up for like a month because the object of your affections returned from her honeymoon." She bristled at the comment, the tips of her ears blooming red, but didn't say anything. The other woman leaned further back slightly on one arm as she studied Kara. “Has it ever occurred to you that whatever this exchange is has less to do with your broken heart and more to do with how thoroughly I want to be fucked?”
When Kara didn’t immediately say anything, Andrea only pulled her blouse off to reveal smooth soft skin and a matching blue silk bra. Kara simply gaped at her before she was able to reel herself back from gawking.
Andrea just laughed as she leaned further down on her elbows, showing off her body. “Good. That's the correct response. Now, come on, I want to come at least three times tonight for my troubles.”
Kara shook her head before she walked towards Andrea, her legs brushing up against Andrea’s now bare feet. She then pulled her shirt off and revealed her own naked body, smirking all the while when Andrea’s eyes drank her in, Kara’s ego.
“That’s more like it.”
“Shut up,” she said without much bite before crawling over Andrea and meeting their lips together. This was the transaction. She put up with Andrea's mouth and, in turn, she gave back just as good with hers. Enough for three. At least.
It was not a smart or healthy coping mechanism to punctuate the time she spent with Lena by getting in bed with Andrea. Yet she couldn’t help herself because at least Andrea made her forget. At least she was able to open her eyes to blue-green eyes that looked nothing like that of her best friend’s and it gave her a little bit of hope.
More than anything, she needed that little bit of hope if she had any chance of surviving this heartbreak.
—
It was a little after midnight when they finished, easily reaching and surpassing Andrea's demands. Kara slouched against her headboard just as Andrea threw the covers back and began searching for her clothes. Kara's eyes narrowed on all the spots and bruises she'd marked on Andrea's chest and stomach and inner thighs. An odd sense of pride overcame her at the satisfaction she heartily gave the other woman, only to be brought back down with the burning shame that she wished it was Lena parading around her room with all of her marks.
Fully clothed, Andrea didn't look like she'd just been fucked well and thoroughly, save perhaps for the tousled way her hair has been thrown in a messy bun. Kara stayed on her side of the bed and simply watched until Andrea placed her foot in her heels and headed towards her.
"Heading out?" she asked needlessly. Andrea responded by sitting on the edge of the bed.
"Mmhmm. I have a couple of early meetings in the office."
She nodded, uncertain on how to proceed next.
"Listen, I'll text you next when I'm free."
She nodded again.
"In the meantime, do me a favor and don't text Lena this week."
She opened her mouth to protest, but Andrea placed her hand on Kara's mouth.
"If she texts you, text her back—don't be an asshole. But don't text her first. Or call, for that matter."
"What?" she asked, after Andrea brought her hand back down.
"Set some boundaries."
She pushed herself up, the sheet covering her chest falling to her lap. "She's my best friend, I can't just—I can't just ignore her!"
"Is that what I said?"
"She'll know something's up," she reasoned, though her voice was weak.
"Then don't let her find out. You've spent god knows how long hiding your feelings from her, what's another one?"
Kara's body slumped back down against the headboard, her eyes focused on some blur behind Andrea's shoulder.
"You wanted my help, this is it. Take it or leave it."
"Is this my only option?"
Andrea let out a dry laugh, stretching her neck. "Of course not. You can always come clean and see what happens with that or quit her cold turkey and fuck off to a different part of the globe."
She sighed and shut her eyes, knew that Andrea was right. When she opened her eyes, Andrea was staring right into her.
"Why do all of those options suck?" Her voice was hoarse with the threat of tears lodged in her throat.
In a rare moment of softness, Andrea reached out to unfurl one of Kara's fists and caressed her palm. "Because she's not yours, querida."
The words hit her like a bullet to the head, a sobering shock to her system, each of Andrea's words wreaking havoc inside of her.
Andrea wordlessly leaned over and kissed her on the cheek before walking out of her bedroom. Kara's ears strained to listen to the sound of Andrea's heels, each step assured and confident, before she heard the turn of her front door opening and closing with a thud.
Only when she was truly alone did she cover her eyes and allowed the tears to spill.
Chapter 8: chapter 8
Notes:
new year new chapter lets go
maybe not very exciting update and def not my best work but i think it's helping move the plot along. or something. HONESTLY i cannot say because every time i open the next section i have no idea how i want to complete it or how to end this fic AT ALL so this journey is just something we have to go on together where neither of us know what's gonna happen next (don't mind the chapter count for now it may be subject to change but i am giving myself a goal)
thx for everyone tuning in and commenting. sorry i've not gotten back to u if you've commented i am all over the place rn and have overcommitted to many things as per usual
anyway enjoy etc etc love yall bye
Chapter Text
By the mercy of some higher god or deity, Kara made it through the following week without absolutely failing Andrea's instructions. She responded to every text and phone call that came from Lena, but she did not initiate a single one.
Her hands itched to hold her phone, her fingers hovering over their text thread. She had so many thoughts throughout the day that she directly filtered into conversations with Lena that she hadn't realized how much of her life had revolved around her best friend. She brought up what food she wanted to eat that day, what research she was struggling to do at work, what social media posts and internet memes she wanted to immediately share upon learning about them, what writing ideas she wanted to delve into, what nonsense happened during her commute, what she'd felt on any given day. Her every day, distilled in snapshots of texts shared between them, each one a bid for attention.
What had been a bustling and overflowing thread of constant communication shrank bit by bit. If Lena noticed anything throughout the week, she hadn't said a word, hadn't brought up anything with her. She dreaded texts from Lena, wondering if the new notification that appeared on her screen would be the one that asked Is everything alright? Did something happen?
Are you mad at me?
Did I do something wrong?
Kara knew that it was only a matter of time.
—
She slumped down on the black velvet couch in Andrea's office with a huff. Andrea only looked up from her desk, her typing never once losing its speed on her computer.
Kara sat on that couch and stared out of the floor-to-ceiling windows that overlooked downtown National City. It was an unfamiliar view, one that overlooked a different part of town than what Kara was accustomed to. As the minutes ticked on and Andrea continued working, Kara could only compare the stark differences in her hangouts with Lena when she stopped by her best friend's office.
Lena would pause what she was doing, walk over to the couch, and greet Kara with a hug and a smile. Kara would bring her something to eat or a snack on her way from an interview or doing canvassing research. They would sit on the white leather sofa that overlooked National City with a view of the main city park amidst all the glass and steel buildings. They would spend as little as five minutes to hours on that couch depending on their schedules, focused on simply being present together.
So it was with a frown that she looked over her shoulder and glared at Andrea who remained steadfast in pretending she wasn't in the room. Until she eventually glanced Kara's way, but never once stopped what she was doing.
Glumly, this was why Kara thought that Lena was her favorite.
Ten long minutes passed by before Andrea's typing stopped and the faint roll of an office chair against hardwood floors could be heard. Kara didn't bother to look over her shoulder, instead waiting for Andrea to walk over to her.
When Andrea's frame shadowed over her, Kara finally turned her head to squint up at her friend slash fuck buddy slash current confidante.
"Do you make all of your visitors wait this long?"
Andrea simply raised a brow. "Do you have an appointment?"
Kara groaned and exhaled audibly, slumping even further into the sofa. Andrea leaned against the arm of the sofa, the fabric of her skirt grazing Kara's hand.
"I did what you told me," she said aloud.
"Be more specific."
"I only respond, I never initiate." When Andrea didn't say anything, Kara continued, her gaze returning to the view outside the window. "It's been hell."
Andrea laughed. "What did you expect?"
"I don't know. Not this."
"Really?" Andrea scoffed, giving Kara a pointed look. "Your smart brain didn't anticipate this?"
"I just…" she started, releasing a small huff. "Getting texts from her makes me antsy now because I just keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. Like one of these days, she's gonna confront me and say I've been a shitty friend and have been ignoring her."
"Well…"
"I know! You don't have to say it." She looked up at a pair of blue eyes scrutinizing her.
"So what do you want me to say?"
"God, I don't know. That I'm doing the right thing. That this will blow over and I'll be better for it in the long run. Literally anything would be nice right about now."
Andrea finally stood from her perched spot on the arm of the couch and took the free space beside Kara. She then rested her elbow on her thigh before turning to meet Kara's eyes. "You've dug a hole years in the making, querida. I don't think there's anything I can say that will help assuage your guilt enough to get through this. And frankly, I wouldn't want to do that anyway. Not really my style."
Kara's bottom lip jutted out into a petulant pout, but she didn't dare look at Andrea.
"What's the worst thing that can happen if you confessed?"
Kara looked aghast. Andrea simply rolled her eyes.
"Just answer the question."
"I lose her for good because she hates me, thinks I'm ruining her life. And then I proceed to ruin the best friendship I've ever had."
"So you're just, what? Masochistically edging yourself by losing her a little bit each time? You've been carrying this secret for so long, it's practically your identity. Doesn't that sound insane to you?"
Kara looked away. "It's pathetic."
"Very."
"So, what? I should just tell her? Hey, been in love with you the whole time. Sorry I was too chicken shit to not say anything until now, when you're happily married to a man with an accent and a full head of hair."
Andrea chuckled before granting Kara a gentle squeeze of her shoulder. "Well, do you even want to tell her?"
"I did, once. When she got back from a conference, we were gonna have our regular hang out. But then she came back with her 'old friend' Jack who ended up staying in town. Lost my nerve. Never got it back again."
"Well, not like you've done anything to get it back, in fairness."
"You have a really shitty way of making me feel better."
The other woman simply shrugged. "My therapist and I agree that consoling others isn't one of my strengths."
"You go to therapy?"
Andrea tilted her head. "I think the fact that that's what you got out of all of that shows you aren't paying attention."
Kara focused her eyes on her fingers picking at the knee of her slacks.
"Alright," Andrea began. "So what's the best case scenario?"
"What?"
"The best case scenario. You tell her and then what?"
Kara shut her eyes for a second, the images of her dreams and fantasies clear as day in her mind, many that have ran through her thoughts for years that they play like old tapes, well-worn and well-loved. When she opened her eyes, Andrea was looking at her intently. "She feels the same way I do. She wants to be with me. We get married. We live happily ever after. We keep the apartment in the city but then buy a house on the coast. Adopt three dogs."
"You can have that with anybody else, you know."
"Yeah, I know." She opened her eyes. "But I want it with her."
Andrea stared at her before taking a deep breath, an audible exhale before she rose to her feet with a shake of her head. Yeah, definitely pathetic.
—
She huffed in calculated breaths, sweat soaking her sports bra and tank top while she shadowboxed her reflection in the mirror in front of her. Her fists curled tightly as she jabbed an invisible opponent, avoiding equally invisible punches her way. Her feet danced in place as she exhaled her counting: one-two, one-two.
Despite the precision of her external movements, her mind was in deep chaos—thoughts warring with each other and anxieties flaring up as she valiantly tried to make sense of her feelings. She hated herself for letting her feelings and emotions for Lena go this far for this long. She punched the air harder at each of her regrets, the tension in her muscles as she contracted and expanded them. She could have nipped her feelings in the bud, cut her losses and moved on with someone else. She even thought about how maybe it wasn't the worst thing in the world if she confessed, if things were truly out in the open. But she was also so deathly afraid of the look that Lena would give her if and when she found out. Kara simply was not ready to face that inevitability.
Pushing her body to failure, Kara dropped her arms to her sides and gasped for breath, her lungs and her muscles on fire at having exhausted herself to the limits. She caught sight of her reflection: her chest red and heaving, baby hairs plastered against her forehead, her body glistening with sweat.
Kara fell on one knee and then on all fours, her lungs burning as she tried to get her breathing under control. She plopped down onto the ground, turning at the last minute so she laid on her back and stared at the nondescript ceiling. She'd made a mess of things for herself, she knew, and if she didn't sort out herself soon, it was only going to get worse.
—
Kara missed Lena. After three weeks of the most restrained and tense conversations via texts that they have had in years, Kara broke. She realized that this whole charade had only made her antsy, jumpy, and altogether moody. This was one solution, but it wasn't the solution and she knew that she needed to rein everything back in and figure out a different way to get over her best friend.
So with shaking fingers and a heartbeat running a mile a minute, she opened the text thread with Lena and asked if Lena wanted burgers or sushi for their Friday lunch coming up the next day.
The fifteen minutes of waiting just about drove Kara crazy, but when she found the three dots appearing at the bottom of the screen, she could only hold her breath.
Lena: Surprise me
Kara: You got it! I'll order our usuals and even put in an order for Jess.
Lena: That's sweet, she'll appreciate that.
Kara: Alright, I'm gonna get some sleep now but I'll see you tomorrow!
Lena: Goodnight, Kara
Kara: Night
Kara carried the bags of takeout in hand and made her way with great ease to Lena's office before making herself at home. She knocked and peeked her head in with a small smile, holding out the bag for Lena to see. Lena who remained seated at her desk holding the phone by her ear, giving Kara a wide grin and pointing at the seating area.
Dutiful, Kara quietly made her way towards the familiar white leather sofa and slowly unpacked their lunches, careful of the parchment and paper bag from crinkling too much. She knew that the sound probably wouldn't have disturbed Lena, but Kara was nervous. She'd kept herself at bay from her best friend knowing she could never reveal her own issues to the very person it pertained to, but that had put her in such an uncomfortable place that she knew she had to do something different.
She'd just taken her burger out of her own bag when Lena approached.
"Hi, darling, so happy to see you." Kara smiled brightly even as guilt lurched inside.
"Hey," she said, beginning to stand, but Lena simply waved her off. "Got you your favorite."
Lena beamed as she sat beside Kara, a familiar close but not touching distance between them. Enough for Kara to feel the warmth emanating from Lena beside her. "Thank you. I would have taken the sushi, but with the morning I've had, I'm kind of glad that you got Big Belly today."
"Lucky thing, then," she said, her burger held up in mid-air as she watched her best friend unwrap her own burger, hands expertly holding the wrapper so as to avoid any of the mess dripping on her. When Lena returned her gaze, Kara smiled. "Bon appetit."
They quietly ate, remarking on their food and making small talk. Kara updated Lena of some projects she was working on and some gossip around her office, and Lena mentioned some initiatives L-Corp wanted to take on, updating her about Lillian and Lionel's upcoming trip overseas for vacation, and Jack's ongoing business deals.
"He's been going back and forth between here and London, courting backers for his company's launch. I think I've seen him a total of a week or so just this past month."
"Oh, I hadn't realized he'd been away so much."
"Yeah," Lena sighed, rubbing at her temples. "It's fine, though. I understand courting backers and investors all too well."
"Right. Well, that's cool. Sorry you've been missing him," she said, meaning it.
"Thank you, Kara. Like I said, I understand the hustle required to get investors. Even after inheriting an existing company, investors are a fickle, greedy bunch."
She laughed along as Lena steered the conversation to other topics, Kara getting the impression that Lena most likely hadn't wanted to talk about her husband. Eventually, their lunch hour neared its end and Kara began making her way towards the door when Lena placed a hand on her forearm—the touch as if burning her skin.
"I'm so glad we were able to make lunch happen," Lena said.
"Yeah, I—me too. I know I had to bail on the last couple ones." She ducked, not quite meeting her best friend's eyes.
"I had wondered what was going on."
Kara's lips tugged down into a frown, her brows scrunching in concern. "What do you mean?"
Lena bit her lip and shook her head. "I'm not sure what's going on, but I've missed you, Kara. I know our schedules can get hectic, so I wanted to give you your space these last few weeks. I just wanted to make sure that you're okay. That we're okay."
Kara's heart wanted to escape her chest, and she hoped that the hand still on her forearm couldn't detect the speed of her beating heart. She ached inside at putting Lena through this whole ordeal, now a charade she must perform just to keep up appearances.
"I'm sorry, Lena. I didn't mean to worry you. We're okay. More than."
"Promise?"
She nodded, using her free hand to gesture a cross over her heart before she gave Lena her best smile. "Cross my heart. I'm sorry that I've made you doubt that. I've just kinda been busy with work and some personal stuff."
"Personal stuff?"
"Yeah, but I'm dealing with it."
That response didn't seem adequate for Lena whose brows remained scrunched up. "Anything I can help with?"
Kara opted for some honesty, this time, and shook her head. "No, I'm afraid not. It's just something from my past I should've dealt with a long time ago. But thank you for offering. This is just…this is something I have to handle on my own. All I need from you is to keep being the best friend I know and love. Cool?"
Lena didn't say anything at first, her teeth digging into her bottom lip as if she wanted to say something more, though the relief in her eyes were apparent. Instead, she nodded her head and gave Kara a shy smile. "Alright. If you're sure."
"I am."
The smile on Lena's face was brighter and more assured, so Kara mirrored it as best as she could. It was the least she could do.
—
She'd agreed to go antiquing with Lena later that same weekend, a call from Lena inviting her on Sunday morning. The 'no' was on the tip of her tongue, but with how Friday had gone, she hadn't wanted to disappoint Lena or make her friend worry further. Naturally, Lena had noticed that she had become distant and even went so far as to consider owning up to blame she didn't deserve. Kara knew that she had fix that immediately because this was her problem to contend with.
So here she stood in another antique store, trailing after Lena whose eyes critically scanned the room for furniture items that she may have wanted to furnish the apartment she shared with her husband. It should be him there with Lena, but he'd been called to a meeting last minute that he apparently couldn't get out of.
Kara hadn't wanted to think of his loss as her gain, but she couldn't deny that she loved all of the one-on-one time that she and Lena spent together. She liked Jack, he was the best kind of guy that Kara would have chosen for Lena herself if her own foolish heart hadn't gotten in the way. So she knew that Lena would be well taken care of. But it made her giddy to spend the time with Lena that she hadn't been able to due to her own dumb decisions.
It did make her wonder though that he'd been absent more and more, no doubt trying to build a business from the ground up—a sacrifice that she understood he had to make to help ensure a future with Lena. Still, an itching worry scratched at the back of her mind that she couldn't shake off. She didn't even know what her worry was about or where it stemmed from, simply chalking up her anxieties at her own treacherous heart for having abandoned Lena over the passing weeks.
When Kara texted Andrea about what she was doing that Sunday after getting a brunch invite just after Lena asked her to hang out, she picked up the call from Andrea after the first ring.
"You really think this is a good idea?"
"She's my best friend. Lena was looking forward to going antiquing or whatever and Jack bailed because of some, I don't know, work stuff. I can't leave her hanging."
Kara could only imagine the eyeroll that she knew Andrea was giving her from the other end of the line.
"You know, for someone so cowardly in their risk-taking, you sure lack a sense of self-preservation." Then Andrea hung up and left Kara staring at her phone.
"What do you think about this?" Lena's voice broke through her reverie from across a dining showroom. She was pointing at a rattan buffet sideboard beside her.
Kara scrunched her face and gave Lena two thumbs down. Lena simply laughed and shook her head before walking away, the sound and image of Lena's happiness lingering in Kara's eyes as she rushed to follow after her.
She found a low and wide bright orange sofa and plopped down onto it, her body practically melting as she laid on the comfortable cushions.
"Huh? Whaddaya think?" she asked, her head lolling against the sofa's back.
Lena rolled her eyes. "Kara, that's atrocious."
"Okay, so it looks like I fell into a massive vat of orange soda, but come lay on it. It's softer than it looks."
When her best friend didn't budge, Kara simply patted the seat beside her. "Come on. It's even in your price range." For good measure, she waggled her eyebrows as if to prove a point despite knowing that purchasing every single item in this store would barely make a dent in her best friend's fortunes.
Lena giggled then and slowly made her way to the empty spot beside Kara. She mirrored Kara, her head resting on the back and the two of them staring at one another amidst giggles.
"I think my eyes hurt even more when it's so up close."
Kara giggled and stared at Lena's eyes, the two of them sitting cozily beside one another.
"Just use this for all your naps. Your eyes don't have to be open for that."
"You're ridiculous. I'm not getting this couch."
"I am ridiculous, but I at least need you to accept the fact that it's very comfortable."
"Fine, I will concede that it's nice to sit on."
"It'll go great in that study of yours. Perfect for those naps you pretend to not take."
"Kara…this couch is ugly as sin."
"And sinfully comfortable."
The laughter that poured out of Lena was one of the many things she loved about the other woman, and she would do anything to be the cause of that, to keep making sure that Lena had joy and happiness in her life. Even if Kara couldn't express herself in the way that she wanted.
"I'm not getting this couch."
She hummed, getting up and extending a hand that Lena took with a gentle smile. "The day is young, Lena Luthor."
They perused the rest of the store and spent another forty-five minutes trying out different couches and chairs, but in the end, the ugly bright orange couch won out. With a triumphant smile, she beamed when Lena relented and told the employee that she'd be taking the abysmal couch before filling out delivery information.
When they walked out, Lena was still shaking her head even as Kara laughed and laughed.
"Oh, don't be so smug."
"I can and I will. You just bought the ugliest couch in there."
Lena gasped and pinched Kara's side, but Kara was more than happy to accept her punishment if it meant that she could see Lena happy and carefree like this. No matter what emotions spurred inside of her, she knew she couldn't give up seeing Lena at her happiest.
—
When they got back into the city, they stopped by Noonan's for a quick coffee pickup, the two of them sitting outside on the patio. After they got situated in their seats and passively watched the people passing by, Lena invited her to the apartment, but Kara simply declined.
"Oh? Hot date?" Lena asked.
"Uh, definitely not. It's just Andrea. We're, uh, hanging out later."
Lena donned a contemplative frown. "Kara, forgive me for prying, but are you sure that you two aren't, you know, dating?"
She scoffed. "No, no. We're definitely not dating."
"I just feel like you've been spending an awful lot of time with her. Which is great, Andrea is a friend, but I'll understand if that's why you haven't been around as much. You know you can tell me anything." Lena leaned forward, elbows on the table.
"We hook up sometimes," she mumbled, the words coming out of their own volition.
"Oh."
"Yeah, is that—sorry, is that weird? I know she's your friend and there's some vague history she never expanded on back in the day…"
"That's not weird, Kara. Whatever youthful experimentations she and I had are long behind us."
"Right."
"Since when?" Lena asked, her fingers tapping the side of her cup.
Kara made a face. "Uh, the wedding."
"The wedding. My wedding? You two had sex at my wedding?"
"Um, kinda?"
Lena offered her a smile, but Kara noticed how tight-lipped it appeared. "And you two—since then?"
She nodded after sipping her coffee just to wet the dryness of her mouth.
"That's been months, Kara."
She scratched the side of her head. "Yeah, it just kinda happened."
With pursed lips, Lena studied her for a second before taking a sip of her own coffee, her fingers never once stopping against the side of her cup. "I didn't think you were one for casual hookups like that."
"I'm not. But…" What could Kara say here without revealing her hand, without confessing her feelings that she'd only done it to fill the void of what that wedding had done to her heart, to her psyche. That she sought the solace of a woman who knew her innermost secret and flayed it open on display and offered her a distraction. That she made a woman cum with the strength and skill of her hands and tongue and wished it had been the woman sitting in front of her now instead.
She trailed off and Lena chuckled, erroneously filling in Kara's silence with her own assumptions. "I get it, Kara. It's fine. You two are very attractive and very single people. It's understandable."
"You think I'm attractive?"
Lena gave her a playful glare. "Don't push your luck. She's clearly the better looking of the two of you."
"What?! You're ranking me second behind that meanie?"
"Did you just call her a…meanie?"
"Yeah, she's kind of a bully, actually. She teases me a lot." Teases me about you, she thought. "Calls me Pulitzer and stuff. She's actually a brat. But the sex is good, at least."
Lena observed her for a second before taking another sip of her drink. "At least."
Just then, her phone chimed again.
"Sorry, Lena. I gotta get going. She wants to go to this swanky bar downtown and I should probably get ready."
Despite how the last few weeks had gone between them with Kara never initiating their conversations, it was she who initiated the hug between them, her arms wrapping around Lena's waist as Lena's arms locked around her neck.
"I'll talk to you soon?" she asked when they parted, Lena's hands sliding down her arms and giving her biceps a gentle squeeze.
Lena nodded. "Of course."
She walked away and offered her best friend the most genuine smile as they parted by their table. She brought the phone to her ear when the phone chimed a text from Andrea.
"You're such a freakin' bitch," she muttered on the phone only to hear Andrea's amused laughter on the other end of the line.
Consumed in her phone call with Andrea, she hadn't seen Lena's scrutinizing gaze linger on her from where she sat.
Chapter 9
Notes:
i didn't plan to update but my brain needed a break from thesis so have this garbled mess. plot is plotting insofar as i have changed my mind four times for this chapter and have changed my mind about directions for next chapter but it's fine we'll just find out together (i say with every update).
thanks for the comments for the last one, great to see people's theories and comments about the girlies and their mess. so messy. anyway enjoy! byee
if u see mistakes, shut ur mouth
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Kara tiptoed into Lena's office as she heard Lena's voice arguing with someone on the phone. She offered an apologetic smile even as Lena waved her in. Careful not to make too much noise with the plastic bag containing their lunch, Kara made quick work of their food before deciding to put her headphones in and drowning out Lena's conversations. Even with that, she could still hear the edge to Lena's voice when she hissed into the phone, but Kara didn't turn around, instead busying herself with taking out her banh mi sandwich and opening the parchment in front of her.
With the sounds of crooning girls singing in her ears while she waited for Lena, Kara's thoughts wandered. She wasn't too proud to admit how quickly she folded when Lena had spoken of her worries with their friendship. She'd returned things to how they were, for the most part, figuring out ways to dance around the feelings she carried, had been carrying for years.
Thankfully, Kara didn't have too sit there with her own thoughts for too long as a minute later, Lena joined her with an apologetic smile of her own thrown Kara's way. Kara stood up and accepted the hug from her best friend just as she tugged her wired headphones out of her ears.
"Sorry about that," Lena said as she situated herself beside Kara.
"Business, am I right?" she joked before passing along Lena's chopsticks so she could enjoy her vermicelli noodles.
"It was Jack, actually."
She raised a brow at that, but maintained focus on their food."Everything alright with him?"
Lena sighed, her body sagging a little as she held the bowl of her lunch in front of her chest. "He's been held up again back in London, a last-minute decision to spend the rest of the week there because a potential investor and client will be arriving later this week."
Tilting her head, Kara waited expectantly, but Lena only sighed before taking a bite of her lunch.
"Based on how you're pouting into your noodles, you're not very happy."
Lena stared at her for a second before resting the bowl down on her lap. "It's-I understand what's happening and why, I do. And I remind myself that all this work is temporary, but it just seems like we ought to be spending our first year of marriage focused on establishing ourselves as a couple and not on opposite ends of the world for weeks at a time."
"Have you talked to him?"
"No. I mean, not in so many words. He's not here long enough for me to have it. Plus, the end of the week is the L-Corp gala, the first one after the wedding, and he's not even going to be there."
"Damn."
"Normally, I wouldn't mind, but the idea of going through it alone doesn't exactly inspire confidence or excitement."
"You can always just bail," she offered with a shrug and a teasing grin, hoping to make Lena feel better. "It's your company."
"And embarrass Lillian?"
They shared a laugh, though she could sense the tension in Lena's shoulders. "So what are you gonna do?"
Lena sat forward and placed her bowl back on the coffee table before scooting closer to her.
"I know it's been a while since you've attended one of these things, but maybe you could be my plus one."
Kara fought to keep her jaw from dropping, afraid that she'd make a mess of the bite she'd just taken. "You want to bring me to your gala?"
It had been a couple of years now since Lena last took her to a business function, Jack having taken over the duties of being Lena's plus one. She had made peace with it, of course, understanding her role came second to Lena's actual partner, her husband. Still, being asked to stand as proxy for Jack made Kara's stomach tumble even though she knows Lena means nothing by it other than asking help from her friend.
"Lillian might suddenly think your husband has blonde hair and I don't know if she'd respect that," she joked, unable to help herself. She wanted to slap her forehead for the idiocy that escaped her lips, wondering why in the fresh hell she would have ever thought saying any of those things was such a great idea, but decided that perhaps later she could just tell Andrea and have her friend do it for her.
"That would be a sight and worth the groveling I'm willing to do just for you to say yes." Lena then placed a hand on her knee, the imploring look in her wide eyes enough for Kara to fold. "It would be like old times."
She placed her sandwich down and did her best to wipe her hands of the food oils before taking Lena's hand from her knee and holding it in her lap. She had the choice to say no, had the choice to protect her heart. Yet when Lena stared at her with her bottom lip tucked under her teeth in anticipation, Kara knew she would buckle. She didn’t want Lena to be alone knowing that despite the expert ease in which she maneuvered through these events and parties, she never particularly enjoyed them. "There's no need to grovel, Lena."
"So that's a yes?"
She wasn't sure, not at all, uncertainty beating against every thud of her own heart. But one look at her friend, her very best friend, saw that there was only one answer she could truly give.
"I'm not opposed to bribery, though," she offered at last, hoping that her voice didn't betray the pitiful state of her emotions as she stared at Lena and knew that there was very little Kara wouldn't do for her. Especially not when Lena smiled brightly at her, thankful and relieved, as if Kara had solved all of her problems and squeezing their still-joined hands in gratitude.
"You drive a hard bargain, Kara Danvers, but you've got yourself a deal."
—
"Nothing to say?" Kara asked while she and Andrea sat on her couch watching the latest episode of whatever trash reality series has struck Andrea's fancy.
"And have it enter one ear and out the other?"
She pouted as Andrea stared at her. "I need to be there for her," she assured—whether it was for Andrea or herself, she couldn't be certain. "Jack was supposed to attend but the way that his work is filling up his time is clearly affecting her."
"So it has nothing to do with the fact that you're in love with her and would literally take any excuse to spend time with her."
This time she cut a glare towards Andrea who'd kept the passivity on her face, though the blue of her eyes appraised her knowingly.
"I was her friend first, alright?"
"Suit yourself."
—
When Lena appeared at her doorstep wearing a stylish curve-hugging green one-shoulder ruffled dress with her hair pulled in a low elegant bun, Kara couldn't fight the descent of her jaw onto the floor, her eyes widened to drink all of her Lena's elegant beauty in.
"Wowza," she said, earning an eyeroll from Lena who clutched at her purse and offered Kara an embarrassed smile.
"You're quite a looker yourself," Lena said, giving Kara a proper once over. She stretched out a hand and grasped the black lapel of Kara's floral tuxedo jacket, fingers rubbing gently against the fabric. In contrast to Lena's updo, Kara had styled her hair down, carding her fingers through it to fend off the desire to grab hold of Lena's hand. "I didn't think you still had this."
The jacket had been a rare find at a thrift store that she and Lena visited once on a girls' trip to San Francisco just a year into their friendship. It had gotten a good amount of wear from her back then, yet she'd practically retired it when Lena started dating Jack. She could say that the reason why she'd stopped wearing it eluded her, but she knew exactly the reason why. She'd even considered dropping it back into a different thrift store, but as history showed, she was incapable of letting certain things go.
"Just couldn't find a good enough occasion to wear it," she explained as she tucked her phone and her wallet in the inside jacket pockets. She slipped her feet into some black Oxfords and took a final glance at her outfit. Lena walked in and stood beside her in front of her floor length mirror.
"We make a pretty handsome pair, don't you think?" Lena smiled up at her as she looked at Kara through the mirror.
It's true, they looked great together. The dark green of Lena's dress matched the stems and leaves of the flowers of her tuxedo jacket, the two of them complementing each other well. The traitorous menace inside of her wanted to say that yes, they did in fact make a pretty handsome pair. That they complemented each other so well, that this could be a life that they had with one another if she'd only been brave once upon a time, if she'd tried to be brave at least once more since.
She kept silent, of course, instead throwing Lena a cheeky grin and offering an arm for Lena to take.
She could do this. She could accept this reality. It wasn't like she hadn't already been living it for the last couple of years anyway.
In this, she could be brave in a way she hadn't been before.
—
She played her part as the helpful best friend, shaking hands with suits, lawyers and investors, foreign diplomats, and a whole host of other people Kara only peripherally cared to know. Lena was by her elbow the whole time, smiling as she listed out Kara's journalistic achievements and embarrassing her to these strangers in the process. Still, Kara took it on the chin with a smile especially when Lena caught her eye and smiled up at her with appreciation and gratitude.
For a moment she'd forgotten about Jack, forgotten that this was simply all pretend in her mind. That Lena was introducing her to these people as a substitute to the husband she missed terribly, who simply couldn't make it to this function. Shame coursed through her, and she had to excuse herself to the bathroom to take a breather.
Glad for the reprieve, she stared at herself in the mirror and reminded herself that her goals for this evening was to be a good friend, the reliable person that Lena needed. Her aching heart need not be present tonight.
When she returned back by Lena's side, she found that Lena had been staring at something towards the doors of the event hall. Following her gaze, Kara's gaze landed on Andrea in a metallic black one-shoulder dress, her hair down as she walked arm-in-arm with a beautiful brunette woman in a navy blue dress with a low neckline.
Before she could even understand what she was looking at, Andrea and the mystery woman had arrived in front of them.
"Lena," Andrea greeted Lena, pressing their cheeks against one another's before she dropped an actual kiss on her cheek. Kara tried to hide the shock on her face, but Andrea only winked, mischief visible in her eyes. "Pulitzer."
"Hi, Andrea. I didn't realize you'd be here," Kara commented. "You never said."
"Didn't decide to come until last minute. Figured, why not make the most of the open bar. And by the looks of it, Lena, gala seems to be a success."
"Thank you. It's certainly enough to impress Lillian to get off my back, so I'd have to agree."
"We'll have to chat about that another time, but for now, I wanted to introduce Kara here to my friend, Imra Ardeen."
Both Lena and Andrea turned to face her while she shifted her attention to the woman that now stood just behind Andrea.
"Um, hi. Kara." She extended her hand and offered a polite smile even as her face turned to Andrea's, brows furrowed in confusion, before turning her attention back to Lena whose face suddenly became impassive, unreadable.
"Imra. Pleasure to meet you."
Andrea placed a hand on Kara's forearm. "Imra is a documentarian and I thought you two could bond over your penchant for watching trash television."
She scoffed. "If I recall, you're the one who wanted to watch the latest episode of The Bachelorette."
Kara caught Lena's eye, wanting to question the frozen smile on her face if not for Andrea's hand that has moved onto her bicep to usher her forward towards Imra.
"Don't let her better than thou attitude fool you; I know all her secrets."
"Since you know me so well, why don't you go get me a drink," Andrea said, pointedly looking at Imra who simply laughed, then asking the rest of them if they'd like a refill of their drinks before she made her way over to the open bar. She then turned to look at Kara. "Pretty, no? Just your type, right? Brunette, beautiful green eyes."
Kara threw her a scowling glare. "Wh-what are you talking about?"
Lena finally spoke up from her position beside them. She turned to look at Andrea, but not before staring at Kara, her gaze hard to read. "Are you…setting Kara up on a date?"
"Oh, absolutely."
"I thought you two were—"
"Having fun? Yes. But if Kara wants to find someone, then what better way than to have one vetted by her friends, no?"
"I hadn't realized you were getting back into dating."
Kara laughed awkwardly. "I'm not—I wasn't actively looking. Not really. Andrea's just giving me a hard time because she's kind of a dick."
Andrea simply giggled, an annoying teasing giggle, before she placed an arm around Kara's shoulders. "Is it so wrong of me to look out for you? You're single, hot as hell, and available. You can get any equally available woman in this room that you want if you just let yourself consider the possibilities, querida." Her jaw tensed and Andrea patted her on the chest. "Just talk to her. Ask her out for drinks. Maybe spend a night or two together. What's the harm?"
It was a challenge all its own, that question, one that she knew she didn't want to entertain. Yet for all of her blustering and embarrassment, a part of her understood Andrea's intentions, though she hadn't liked her methods. The way Andrea cocked her head, daring, made Kara want to grab this woman and shake her. She'd have to give this woman a piece of her mind later, but for now she'd settle for a hard glare and a set jaw. Then she threw Lena a weak smile, apologetic on Andrea's behalf. Lena who remained quiet, though her eyes were focused, studying them. Lena whose face no longer wore the same bright smile she'd thrown Kara's way just before Andrea's arrival. Kara wasn't sure if she was ready to consider what conclusions Lena was reaching in her mind about her and Andrea, but she knew that she wasn't rushing to find out. Suddenly, the escape to talk with Imra now appealed to her by each passing second.
"Go and meet up with her and bring our drinks back. Lena and I can hang back here and talk business."
"You good?" Kara checked with Lena, bringing her hand and placing it on Lena's forearm, but her best friend only nodded.
"Go. Have fun."
Kara glanced back behind her as Andrea and Lena watched her go. Realizing that it was no use figuring out what they were saying to each other, Kara headed towards the open bar and met up with Imra who had just received a glass of white wine.
—
"She's a piece of work, isn't she?" Imra commented, taking a sip of her drink even as the two of them standing near a tall table near the bar, their eyes looking out to the rest of the event hall. She pretended to scan the room though her focus was entirely on Andrea and Lena across the way.
"She's certainly something."
"How do you know each other?"
Placing her champagne glass down, Kara cleared her throat. "We met at Lena's, uh, wedding."
"Ah," Imra hummed. "She picked you up, huh?"
Kara's eyes grew in size and Imra chuckled.
"Yeah, she does that."
"How long have you two known each other?"
"A few years. She hit on me at a bar."
"You too?" Kara asked, her attention now fully at the woman beside her.
"Like I said, she does that."
—
After getting Imra's number and deciding that maybe it didn't hurt to meet up for coffee some time, the two of them walked back to where Andrea and Lena stood with drinks in hand. Not too long after, Andrea dragged Imra away, citing the need to shmooze and leaving her and Lena the way she found them.
With a shared chuckle, the two of them found a table nearby and sat down. Neither she nor Lena said anything at first, seemingly content to watch others at the gala. It wasn't until they'd watched one of L-Corp's lawyers stumble and step on his date's foot and giggled about it that the mood shifted between them. Lena angled her body so she could rest her cheek against a balled fist as she leaned on her elbow.
"How was Imra?"
"Um. Good. We might get drinks sometime this week. I'll have to text her when she's available."
Lena remained quiet but she nodded, taking a sip of her scotch. "I don't want you to take this the wrong way, and I know I've been busy with my own things, but I wish you'd told me."
"Told you what?"
"That you wanted to date."
She shook her head, pushing forward. "I don't. I mean—Andrea practically ambushed me tonight, if you recall."
Lena placed a hand on top of hers, a softness on her face. "You say that, but Kara, why else would she pull something like that if there wasn't any truth to it?"
Kara's exhaled audibly and brushed a hand over her face. "It's…complicated."
"I recognize that this is not the appropriate place to discuss this, so I'll drop it, but I know something's going on with you. And I want to be respectful of it and be there for you as your best friend, but I just don't know how to when I don't even know what's happening with you."
She placed her free hand on top of Lena's, sandwiching the warmth in her hands and gently caressing the soft skin. "I'm sorry, Lena. I know this isn't fair to you, and I haven't exactly been a very good friend, but there are just things I need to deal with on my own."
Lena's face showed she wanted to say more, had more to say, but she released her held breath and nodded.
"I don't want to make this about me, but I just feel like with everything that's going on, I'm missing out on parts of your life. I didn't even realize that you were into dating women. You never said," she reasoned, Kara's words thrown back at her.
With a grimace, she offered a remorseful smile. "It…never came up."
"Kara, be serious."
She heaved a sigh, knew that Lena was in the right. Kara wasn't sure what to say, how to reveal that though she'd always found other women attractive and had relationships with a couple of them while in college and after, nobody ever captured her heart the way Lena had done with hers. How her entire focus had transformed from women to just one woman. And that the very woman asking now was the one who couldn't know the truth.
For a split second she considered laying herself bare here, inopportune and inappropriate as it may be, but at least she could be free. Yet as she felt the diamond poking into her palm, Lena's wedding ring, she knew it would have done neither of them good to reveal that truth. So she settled for a partial lie, a half-truth, if only because it was the only kind of courage she could muster up at that moment.
"There was a woman," she started, her voice unsteady, unsure of every passing second. "Some years back, we met through work. And she was great. Charming, beautiful, smart."
Lena's green eyes focused in on her, her face in rapt attention as Kara spoke. "What happened?"
Kara cleared her throat of the impending tears she wanted to keep at bay. She could only imagine the pitiable state she was in when she said, "There was already someone else."
—
After leaving the gala, the car trip back to her apartment was quiet, her attention on the traffic ahead while Lena looked out the window. There was something unpleasant that Kara felt drawing up between them, no doubt of her own doing. So she reached across the middle seat and grabbed Lena's hand.
She caught glimpse of Lena's profile, squeezing their joined hands when she saw a small smile on Lena's face.
All too soon, they'd arrived at her apartment, the car pulling up to the front curb right in front of her building. Lena pushed the door open and got out, Kara trailing after her.
"I'm sorry about earlier," she said when they stood in front of one another.
For her part, Lena simply reached out to fix her lapels, her hands resting by Kara's collarbone. It was a long beat before Lena opened her mouth. Then, "When you're done with what you need to take care of, you'll let me know?"
Gulping down the dryness of her mouth, Kara agreed. "Yeah. Okay."
"Good," Lena said, a more familiar smile drawn on her face, one that reached her eyes. "Thank you for joining me tonight, darling. I appreciate you doing me this favor."
"I'd hardly call spending quality time with you as a favor."
"Even if you have to mingle with entitled assholes who like to flaunt their money around?"
Kara thought about the lengths she would go just to make Lena happy, but kept those thoughts to herself. "Even then."
After a long night, Kara opened her arms and smiled when Lena melted into them. She shut her eyes, savoring the warmth from Lena's body heat pressed into her. Her hands splayed open as if wanting to capture all of Lena in her palms. Moments pass, the two of them standing in the middle of the sidewalk. She should let go, she should absolutely let go, but the feel of Lena in her grasp was something that she could never get over. Not even now, not even when her life and emotions had become more complicated than she knew what to do with.
When they parted, almost a minute of holding one another, it was with an embarrassed laugh. "Sorry, didn't mean to—"
"Don't be. Not for that."
They finally released one another.
She watched from her spot as Lena got back into the backseat, rolling down the window and offered Kara a wave that she returned. It wasn't until the car was well and fully out of her sight that she made her way up to her apartment.
—
Kara: Hey Imra, it's Kara. It was lovely to meet you tonight.
Imra: Hi Kara. You as well!
Kara: You up for drinks Wednesday next week?
Imra: Sounds good. What do you have in mind?
—
She reached a familiar door with her hand hanging in the air with the intent to knock. She considered leaving. Considered walking back downstairs and rushing back home, hiding underneath the covers and pretending she wasn't further complicating her life.
With a resigned sigh, her knuckles met the wood in three quick successions.
The door opened to an all-too-knowing glint in Andrea's eye, the woman wearing nothing else but a robe and a smirk.
"For the record, I think you're a meddling asshole and I kinda hate you for it," she said.
"Weird way to say thank you."
"Why did you do it?"
"Because you were never going to, querida."
Kara shook her head, letting the disappointment wash over herself, before she shoved Andrea inside and connected their lips for a harsh kiss.
Notes:
how to solve the issue of two women? you add a third. but when there's already three? well. i think you all know the answer to that. which is to say that the math is mathin'
anyway thanks for reading. see you next time whenever that ends up being <3
Chapter 10: Chapter 10
Notes:
sup yall
i graduated so im back. so back im uploading it in the middle of the night because i can. sorry i haven't responded to your comments from last chapter, i'd been busy and then i just forgot to do it ok
some mistakes probably exist but overlook it pls thx
anyway tried to make this one a juicy chap the plot was plottin you could even say
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
"Do you just make a habit of doing what you want?" Kara asked, the two of them sitting with the thin sheet barely covering their naked bodies, having taken a break after a particularly physical round after arriving at Andrea's place.
Andrea beside her simply scoffed.
"I did many things, be more specific. You mean the thing I did with my tongue? I feel like you wanted that more than i did."
She rolled her eyes. "You set me up with Imra in front of Lena."
Her bedmate released an audible sigh. "You wouldn't have agreed otherwise and you know it."
Kara studied her face, though Andrea's face had taken on a calmness, her eyes shut. "Does Imra know that you and I do this?"
Andrea then peeked out of one eye. "You going to tell her?" Kara didn't respond, simply shrugged before draping her arm over her eyes. "Relax, she knows. She's cool with it. It's not like she and I hadn't ever done this before either."
Kara shifted, sitting up until she rested on her elbow and moved Andrea's arm out of the way. "What? Really?"
"You saw what she looks like, didn't you?"
This time, Kara laughed. "Well, she and I are having drinks next week."
"Mm." Andrea turned her body so she rested on her side, propping her head up by the elbow. "Well, in the event that this may very well be our last dalliance, perhaps you want to do something about it."
"And if I don't?"
Rolling her eyes, Andrea slowly tugged the sheet down until it fully revealed her beautiful breasts. "I think you mistook that as a suggestion."
Kara said nothing, simply slid onto her side before she fully blanketed herself over Andrea. She'd rested her weight on her elbows until she settled her body between Andrea's legs, the same ones that wrapped around her waist, hooking her ankles until her heel rested on Kara's lower back. She stared into blue eyes underneath her, and to Andrea's credit, she didn't react. She simply waited for Kara.
Swallowing, Kara's gaze momentarily dropped to the plushness of Andrea's lips, the swollenness of them that she had caused. She hadn't anticipated that this might very well be the last time they did this. Their physical relationship having transformed over the months, having given Kara a…release that she hadn't thought she wanted or needed.
But when a woman gave herself so freely, Kara would have been a fool not to grasp it in her hands.
Still, the thought that this was how it would end between them, well. It shored up feelings Kara couldn't identify inside of her, perhaps didn't want to face. Could they ever go back to a time before their sexual relationship? Was there even a time before sex?
How could they be friends with each other after this? What would it look like? She hadn't a single answer for it, let alone a means of envisioning what happened after. All Kara knew was that she didn't want Andrea out of her life, not after all that they'd shared together.
If nothing else, she wanted to make this good. Andrea deserved that much from her.
"Better hurry along, Pulitzer, or I'll have to do this myself."
"You've been a really good…lay," she offered, a contemplative frown on her face because she didn't mean to word it like that, but she didn't known how to finish that sentence.
Andrea simply stared back at her before laughing in her face. "A really good lay? Christ, don't you write for a living? Or is that Pulitzer award just decorative?"
This time she pouted before dipping her head and hiding herself in the crook of Andrea's neck.
"It's my day off," she mumbled into soft skin before committing to an open-mouthed kissed there, a nip, a suck, her tongue reaching the hollow of Andrea's throat—a familiar home to her lips for all these months.
"No excuses," Andrea said before she grabbed Kara by the nape and tangling her fingers easily into blonde hair as Kara got to work. Taking that as her cue to prove herself, Kara adjusted her weight to lean onto her right side so she could bring her left hand down, fingers playing with the coarse damp hairs between Andrea's sex. Andrea tensed beneath her and Kara smiled crookedly, glancing up so their eyes met. She'd shimmied down just enough to take a pebbled nipple in her mouth.
"Make it good, Kara," Andrea breathed, her lidded gaze staring right back at Kara, her hand never leaving its station on Kara's nape, her thumb brushing against the back of Kara's ear. It jolted something inside of Kara, underneath her bellybutton to hear Andrea say her name while they were entangled together, so she responded with a firm tug on Andrea's nipple with the tease of her teeth just as her meandering fingers flicked against her protruding clit before dipping further and feeling Andrea's sensitive wetness.
"Tsk," she said with a click of her tongue before settling right above Andrea's abandoned breast. "Where are your manners?"
Andrea rolled her eyes but she never once looked away from Kara, tightening her grip—one on Kara's nape and the other on Kara's shoulder. The tips of her fingers dug into Kara's muscles, her insistence pressed into Kara, but Kara didn't yield, instead, she hovered her mouth above Andrea's nipple, paused the ministrations of her fingers by Andrea's cunt.
"It's unbecoming to make a lady beg," Andrea reasoned, though her limbs twitched tighter.
"You said to make it good, and it's only gonna be good if you are."
Kara smirked when Andrea suffered a sigh, a frown etched on her face before her fingers dug deeper into Kara's muscles, the edges of her nails creating crescents against Kara's skin. "Plea—"
Yet before Andrea could finish her word, Kara descended upon the other woman, Andrea's nipple in her mouth, laved and attended to by Kara's tongue while two of Kara's fingers submerged themselves into Andrea's slick heat. The proceeding groan was everything Kara hoped for, a delightful validation, as Andrea grabbed hold of her, a wicked desperation in her hold as she pulled Kara closer.
The rest of whatever her thoughts might have been about the end of their sexual relationship lay forgotten amidst their clothes on the floor when Kara focused her attention and fulfill the promise of doing her best for Andrea.
—
Kara hummed as she put an assortment of dress shirts against her frame while she stood in front of the mirror, unsure of how to present herself later tonight on her date with Imra. They'd agreed on something much lower stakes than a proper dinner opting for a drinks at an upscale bar between the two of them. It certainly helped to take the pressure off of the whole ordeal, though her nerves still got the better of her as she fidgeted with her indecision.
Confusion rang in her mind when she heard the doorbell ring, tossing the stack of shirts on her couch before she rushed to the door. There, she found Lena holding a bag of Chinese takeout. An unreadable expression lapsed on Lena's face before it was gone as she took on Kara's state of dress, short athletic shorts and a hanes sports bra.
"Oh, Lena!"
"Did I catch you at a bad time?" she asked, gesturing towards Kara's appearance. "Are you about to go work out?"
"I-uh, no. That was earlier. But, uh, what brings you by?"
"Thought I'd surprise you with some dinner as thanks for joining me at the gala last week."
"Wow, that's really sweet," she began, ushering Lena into her apartment. "But you know you didn't have to do that."
"I know, but I wanted to." Just as they walked to the living room, Lena stopped in her tracks when she saw the small stack of dress shirts piled over the back of her couch.
"This is a bad time, isn't it?" Lena asked, turning on her heel to meet Kara's eyes.
"No, no. I—I don't have to go anywhere for a couple of hours. Plenty to eat and chat."
"Promise?"
"Promise." Just then, Kara's stomach growled and Lena looked over her shoulder. "See? You have perfect timing."
The next couple of minutes was spent opening takeout containers and getting plates from the kitchen in companionable silence, only punctuated by the clink of plates and utensils, Kara taking out a bottle of white wine from her fridge and pouring the both of them generous amounts to go along with their meal.
They situated themselves side by side with the television playing reruns of Friends.
"So how are things?" Kara asked before taking a healthy bite out of a pork dumpling.
Lena didn't answer right away, instead opting to grab a portion of her noodles with her chopstick and thoughtfully chewing her food. Kara simply watched and waited, though there was a tiredness etched on Lena's face that she'd only now noticed.
Finally, after a few minutes of silence shared between them, Lena caught her gaze. "Honestly?"
That made Kara pause. Of course she nodded, thought a contemplative frown appeared on her face. "You alright? What's wrong?"
Lena sighed, placing her chopsticks back on her plate. "Jack and I had a fight. Again."
That was news to Kara and she chastised herself for not having noticed that Lena had been having problems with Jack. She hadn't thought that he'd been around to even have a fight but in retrospect that was perhaps the cause of said fights. She remained silent and offered Lena an encouraging smile.
"Again? What—what's going on?"
"As you know, Jack has been spending the last few months trying to get his business situated. He's been highly selective about his investors which is something I support, but it does mean that he's been gone more often than not."
Kara cleared her throat. "I'm sorry."
Lena waved her apology, though not unkindly, offering Kara a smile. "Thank you, darling. I remind myself that this is temporary, that the business sides of our jobs are simply things that can be harder to control."
"Right, yeah. So what was your fight about?"
"Well, I found out that instead of spending some much needed time together this upcoming weekend like we promised we would, he'd booked a flight back to London for a last minute trip with an investor that he'd been courting."
"He's bailing on you?"
"I've had my fair share of cancelled plans, as you are aware, but this should have been something we discussed together."
Not knowing what to say, Kara extended her hand and reached out to Lena who accepted her gesture and clasped their hands together.
"Kind of a dick move," she finally said, offering what she hoped was a comforting smile.
Lena sighed once again and attempted to let her own smile reach her eyes. "Perhaps. He promised that this was the last one and that at the end of this, he would have something that he and I could cherish together."
"Th-that's good, right?"
"I don't know. I suppose it is, but something's different with him. When I pressed for more details, he kept his details vague, but I didn't want to be frustrated anymore, so I let it go." Lena squeezed Kara's hand before releasing it and resumed eating their dinner. Kara felt the loss of Lena's hand in hers but mentally shook it off and focused back on her own dinner. "Maybe something's different with me as well. I'm just not really sure. I hadn't wanted to leave the house since this was one of the few days he was actually around, but I just needed some air."
"And you came to me."
"And I came to you." Lena glanced toward the couch where Kara's shirts remained. "But maybe I shouldn't have."
With a vehement shake of her head, Kara leaned forward. "Of course you should! I—that's for my date with Imra later."
"Ah. I hadn't realized that was tonight."
"Um, yeah. I figured something less pressure like drinks would be nice. If we hit it off, great, but if not, I won't mind."
Lena's sharp brow arched in question, her head tilting as she took a sip of her drink and studied Kara. "No?"
With a shrug, Kara replied, "No. I mean, don't get me wrong, she seems nice and she's attractive, but like I told you, I wasn't really looking."
"But it wouldn't hurt to try."
"Right."
"And how does Andrea feel about this date of yours? What with your…arrangement."
Despite herself, Kara's face reddened and she dropped her gaze down at her lo mein. "Jeeze. She's fine with it. I mean, if you remember, she's the one who set the whole thing up."
"Yes, I was there," Lena replied with a teasing smile.
"Right. So we just ended it. We're just friends and we were hooking up and now we're not."
"Just like that?"
"I mean, yeah." Kara shrugged again. "That's all it really was." What Kara was not going to share was why it had happened at all, least of all to the woman sitting in front of her. What she wasn't going to do was share just how much Andrea had become a friend to her in these past months outside of the bedroom, having even gone so far as to set her up on a date later that night. Because it was one thing for Lena to know that she and Andrea were friends, it was another thing entirely to be friends because of Kara's harbored secret that truly brought them together.
"Well, as long as you're happy," Lena said, this time her turn to lean forward, though her face was inscrutable. "That's all I want for you. You know that, right?"
There were words that sat on the tip of Kara's tongue, words of her longstanding feelings and devotion knocking against the back of her teeth for release, but she held them back. She nodded, smiled. "You too."
—
Their dinner continued with, thankfully, much lighter topics, though some level of tension remained in the air. Kara did her best to fill their dinner together with light conversation, glad to see that Lena seemed eager to do much of the same. The more treacherous voices inside of her found glee in the news of marital issues between Lena and Jack, but she hushed them, knowing that she'd hate for Lena to be hurt at all.
Eventually, they graduated toward Kara's closet where Lena offered her opinions regarding Kara's clothing options.
"I thought this was supposed to be low pressure?" Lena had asked, a refill of her wine glass held in her hand as she talked to Kara's back as Kara inspected her outfit in the full length mirror. Admittedly, despite Kara's half-hearted interest on this date, she still wanted to look good. This was the first time she was going on a date with someone in a while. The last time she had gone was on a lackluster date with Mike, the same friend she took to the wedding. It had been on a whim and a setup from a colleague. She was at least glad that they were able to remain amicable friends even if the dating was short lived.
This time, she was going on a date with a woman that Andrea had slept with, Andrea's friend, someone that was so far removed from Kara's life. She wanted to make a good impression.
"The date is low pressure, but I want her to see that I tried."
So Lena sat on Kara's bed as she continued to watch Kara try on different shirts, buttoning and unbuttoning and switching between shirts. She didn't make a sound or make too many comments, and a few times, Kara had to turn around to gather Lena's attention and get her feedback. Lena hadn't said too much, all told, seemingly content in letting Kara stew in front of the mirror. Though whenever Kara attempted to find Lena through the mirror, she found that Lena was already looking right at her.
After about fifteen minutes of going back and forth with her decisions, she eventually settled on dark wash jeans and a white button down with small pink roses dotting the fabric. Lena then stood to help her shrug a black blazer on, her hands running against Kara's broad shoulder.
"Handsome."
"Yeah?" she asked, peering past her image in the mirror to Lena who was looking at her reflection.
"Yeah. Yes."
Kara tugged at the blazer and turned so she could inspect her back.
"She's a lucky girl," Lena commented, her eyes meeting Kara's through the mirror.
"It's just drinks."
"Who knows, she might just fall in love with you."
Kara snorted. "I doubt it."
Lena then turned her around so the two of them were facing one another, Lena's hands on her shoulders. "You're an easy person to love, Kara. You must know that."
She gulped, unsure how to take on Lena's words. There was something indecipherable about Lena's face, the second one of the night, but Kara didn't have enough time to interpret it when there was a knock at her door.
"That's her now."
Kara beelined for her front door, Lena in tow, and the pair of them made their way to the foyer. When she opened the door, she was gobsmacked to find Imra standing with her own hair in beautiful curls framing her face. She was wearing a slimming long sleeve wrap dress that hugged every inch of her, the dress ending just past her knees to reveal black open-toed heels. Internally, Kara groaned realizing she did have a type and that Andrea had read her like the morning newspaper.
"Wow," she said aloud. "You look beautiful, Imra."
"And you clean up quite well. Handsome."
She couldn't help but smile, turning around to find Lena giving her a toothless smile. "That's what Lena said."
Imra tilted her head to the side. "Hello, Lena. Good to see you again."
"You as well. Where are you two headed to tonight?"
"Connelly's."
Kara, not wanting to keep Imra waiting, walked towards Lena and gave her a kiss on the cheek. "Just lock up when you leave. Thanks for tonight."
Lena's smile, the one Kara knew wasn't the polite one she gave to strangers and businessmen, appeared on her face. "You're welcome, darling. Have fun."
Kara offered her arm towards Imra and threw a parting glance and wave over her shoulder to watch as Lena disappeared behind her own door, she and Imra making their way toward the elevator.
—
The pair was seated in a corner of the bar, thankfully tucked away from the main entrance and the general traffic of the establishment. The place was moodily lit, the warmth of the lights splashed against the walls, the velvet of the booths cozy. It was exactly what Kara had needed to settle her nerves.
They'd ordered a first round, a gin and tonic for herself and a Manhattan for Imra, the two of them filling the space between them with easy small talk. She liked Imra plenty, enjoyed her company, and was charmed by her. Yet her restless heart couldn't help but compare her to the echoes of what she'd felt for Lena for so long.
"So tell me why you really agreed to this date?" Imra asked after they'd ordered a second round of drinks. She was leaning back, her fingers fiddling with the perspiration of her glass, blue-green eyes trained on Kara.
Kara let out a wry chuckle and tilted her head to the side. "For the buffet of trash television that we clearly get into."
Imra humored her with a laugh, but then leaned forward and rested her head on a balled fist as she continued Kara. "Oh, we'll be getting into more of that later. But you looked like an ambushed prey at the gala."
Well, she couldn't deny that. "You saw that, huh?"
"I did. Makes a girl curious as to why you'd even say yes."
"She just took me by surprise, that's all," she responded, not quite meeting Imra's gaze.
At the end of the night, as they stood back at her door, they shared a kiss. A woman whose lips were different from Andrea's, whose kiss was less intense, less persuasive, but still worth chasing after. She hadn't kissed anybody else in months, and now her lips slid against lipstick she wasn't familiar with. Then, as soon as she began, she stopped, placing a hand on Imra's bicep before drawing back, their noses just scant inches between one another.
"Is it Andrea? Because I don't mind if it is."
She offered a wry smile. "No."
Imra studied her features and Kara fought not to squirm under the woman's gaze. "Really?"
Kara frowned. "I mean—Andrea is great, but I just—we're not like that."
"I'm surprised, honestly."
It was her turn to express her astonishment. "Really?"
"Sure. It's not very often she takes a shine to anybody for longer than a couple of weeks."
That was news to her, wondering why she hadn't known that information about her friend. "Oh."
"In any case, I understand. You can't help how you feel, I suppose."
"That's—thanks, but I just don't know if my heart's really in it right now. You've been great, though."
Imra's laughter was unexpected, but welcomed. "That certainly softens the blow."
"Sorry. It's not y—"
"Please do not finish that sentence," Imra said, putting a hand up.
Kara sucked her lips into her mouth and nodded.
"Feel free to call me anyway if you want to hang out, even as just friends."
"You still want to hang out?"
"Sure."
"Okay, yeah. I'll do that if it's really okay."
"It's really okay. We don't have to drag this out. You're nice company."
"Well, thanks. And thanks for tonight."
Imra then pushed up onto her toes to kiss Kara on the cheek. "Don't be a stranger, Kara."
When Imra walked away, Kara waited until the woman disappeared through the elevators until she opened her door. She hesitated, wondering if Lena was still there. Certainly her best friend's perfume lingered, but no Lena. The likelihood was, of course, low especially because it would have been awkward if she and Imra did decide to return to her place and Lena was there. Yet the truth was that at that moment, Kara would have loved nothing more than to spend some time with her best friend, as terrible an idea as it probably was.
Instead, Kara simply pushed the door open and found her apartment dark and empty. She released a breath of relief even as disappointment coursed through her.
—
Andrea: How'd the date go?
Kara: Good. Fun.
Andrea: Use that journalism degree to better use, Pulitzer.
Before Kara could type out her response, a call from Andrea came in. With a roll of her eyes, she answered.
"We went out for drinks and we kissed once when she dropped me off. Is that better?"
She heard Andrea click her tongue on the other end of the line. "Barely. So are you going to go out with her again?"
"I don't know. Probably not."
"I'd ask why not, but it's not like you know how to sing a different song."
"Hey, I really tried this time."
"So you say."
"She enjoyed my company."
"She was pitying you."
Kara groaned in exasperation. "You know, she said that it's not often that you take a shine to people and that she was surprised you spend as much time as you do with me."
"She's definitely pitying you."
"Secret's out, Andrea. You don't hate me. You might even like me."
There was silence at the other end of the line until Andrea's scoff filled her ears. "Let's not get carried away, querida. It's not a good look."
Kara simply laughed. "It's fine, it's fine. I know the truth."
"You know nothing."
—
Kara flashed a smile at Lena's assistant when she arrived on Lena's floor. After receiving the go ahead from the younger woman, Kara pushed the office door open and spotted Lena by her desk, with her cellphone cradled on her shoulder as she flipped through a binder.
"It's—I know, the house is in London. That's what his trip was about this past weekend. He bought it so we could live there. Why he thought I'd—"
But the rest of Lena's words were cut off when she turned at the sound of Kara dropping the bag of food onto the ground.
"Y-you're moving?" The words tumbled out of her mouth and splayed out between them before she realized what she'd said.
"I'll call you right back, Mother." Lena glanced at her phone and tapped the call closed before setting it on her desk.
Kara's mind rushed through a million thoughts about the possibility—no, the impending reality—of Lena gone and away from her. It was the worst of Kara's fears coming to fruition. Her heart ached at the thought of being separated from Lena. It was one thing to not see her best friend because of vacation or meetings or conferences. Yet it was another to have her live abroad, to uproot the life she'd made here and move halfway across the world for the man she loved. The man who was entitled to these choices and this life because he was who Lena chose.
Things were changing before her very eyes and Kara wasn't ready. She should have been, she knew, but she didn't know it would be like this.
Kara cleared her throat, unsure of how to process this new information. "When are you leaving?"
"Let's sit."
Kara shook her head. "No, I-I'll stand."
With a reluctant sigh, Lena slouched back against her desk, her arms crossed over her chest. "I'm not—National City is home, Kara."
"But Jack bought a house in London."
"Yes. It was a surprise purchase. He'd finalized gathering his investors a month ago, it turns out, but he'd apparently been spending the other times during his other visits house hunting over there."
Suddenly, distant words appeared in Kara's mind and her heart ached even more, even worse. "Something you two could cherish together. I remember."
Lena watched her for a few seconds and nodded.
Her heart thundered in rambunctious cacophony in her chest, as if attempting to march out of her ribcage to jump out of the balcony. "Guess I'll have to start bringing your lunch to your secretary instead."
"No. I'm not going."
"What?" She stilled.
"I'm not going. My life is here. My company. My friends and family. You."
But Kara shook her head, if nothing else but to clear the tears threatening to spill from her eyes. "It's-you—you have to. That doesn't make sense, Lena. He's your husband. You need to be there for him. Your husband is the most important person in your life," she said, trying not to choke on the words. Somehow that seemed to be the wrong thing to say when Lena frowned.
"You're just as important, Kara."
Again, she shook her head. "It's n-not the same. We're not the same."
Without another word, Kara plucked up the bag from beside her feet and rushed to place it on Lena's desk. She was just about to turn on her heel when Lena's hand on her forearm stopped her.
"Kara, darling—"
She met Lena's worried, pleading green eyes, but she was blurred by the tears obstructing Kara's view. "Look, I gotta get going. Enjoy your lunch."
"Kara."
Before she could say anything more, Kara rushed out of the office, heedless of Lena's final call towards her.
—
Kara wound up at a bar not too far from her apartment, sitting at the center of the counter yet ignoring everyone around her. Instead, she stared at her phone. The last thread was from Lena, texting her a sweet message about hoping she got home alright. She left that one untouched, the notification remained unread.
The thread below that was of her and Imra. They'd exchanged friendly chats since their date last week. It was light and carefree.
The thread below that was of her and Andrea. She was the first one Kara thought about reaching out to to explain this situation, this development. Yet she didn't know if she could face Andrea's words; her insistence that this was nothing but good. But Kara didn't want to hear that right now. She didn't want the truth and the truth and the truth all laid bare for her. Still, nobody understood the full situation but Andrea and Kara couldn't deny that.
So with a deep breath and a hard swallow of the malt whiskey she ordered despite not enjoying the taste, she made her choice, clicking on the text thread. Quickly, she typed her message.
Is it cool if I come by?
She placed her phone with the screen facing down as she downed the last of her drink; a sipping drink that she shot instead because she needed something headier, heavier. Her phone buzzed on the table and her heart vibrated in her chest. She flipped her phone back and read the message.
Sure.
—
Kara was teeming with bad decisions, each one further complicating her life in the process. She could fix this, she knew, if she simply stopped making these choices. But she couldn't help herself because at least the bad decisions, the bad choices, were in her control. And she had let so many things fall out of her control, escape her grasp, that she would take what she could get.
She called for a car and sat in the backseat, quiet save for the smooth jazz the driver was playing in low volume just as the driver fell into a quiet conversation with someone on the phone. Kara didn't mind, appreciated the noise instead, and waited until the car arrived at her destination.
Her feet dragged on because a part of her probably didn't need to be here. She didn't need to further complicate her life. Yet here she stood because being alone with herself, with her thoughts, just wasn't something she wanted right now. Call it a coward's route, but she wanted to escape. Tomorrow, she'd deal with her emotions.
Tomorrow, she'd sort out the fact that Jack bought a house for him and Lena to live in all the way in London, thousands of miles away from National City. Thousands of miles away from Kara.
But tonight?
Tonight, she wanted to forget.
She knocked on the door and waited, her hands balled up in her pockets. Muffled sounds of movement could be heard from the other side of the door until she heard the latch, the bolt, and the turn of the door knob.
She offered up a small smile when the door opened and Kara was faced with soft brunette hair pulled up in a messy bun and an amused smirk donning her features.
"You find the place alright?" Imra asked, leaning her body against the edge of the door.
Kara stepped forward until she stood in front of the other woman. "Perfect directions."
Imra's blue-green eyes, so different a shade than Lena's, so different a hue than Andrea's, watched her, studied her.
"I don't normally make a habit of entertaining someone who turns me down. It's messy, you know?"
"Yeah. I'm—yeah, it's messy."
"Still, Andrea doesn't exactly keep you a secret."
Unable to help herself, Kara huffed. "Does she bad mouth me to others like she does to my face?"
Imra laughed. "Actually, she said you had a very good mouth. Makes a girl wonder, you know. At least once."
"Once is plenty," she responded with a tilt of her head, a lean forward that Imra responded to with a lean of her own.
"Just this once, though. You're already too much for me."
Kara nodded, understanding Imra's reticence of her, even if she was willing to entertain Kara tonight. So Kara did what she knew, bringing her arms to wind their way around Imra's body. She could promise once. This was already beyond the pale, if she was being honest with herself. But Imra didn't know her like that, didn't know the extent of her heartache, regardless of what Andrea may have mentioned about her. And she desperately needed that distance from everything.
"Can't argue that."
Imra accepted Kara with her mouth, her hand clutching at the back of Kara's nape just as Kara slid her hands under Imra's soft cotton shirt, the feel of warm smooth skin against her open palms. She'd lifted Imra in her arms, toned legs wrapped around her torso before the door clicked shut behind them and all the emotions Kara was running away from.
Notes:
this chapter closes out the second arc of this fic with a little slutty kara as a treat. she's processing her emotions ok
anyway, let me know how you liked this chapter. share with ur friends and family if u haven't already lol
ok see yall next time whenever i get around to it!
Chapter 11: Chapter 11
Notes:
thanks for your patience. small smut in this chapter.
sorry for any mistakes
enjoy x
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Three years ago
Kara had sat with her feelings for the better part of a year. The feelings she harbored for her best friend, an unlikely friend, in one Lena Luthor. She knew that she had something special in her hands when they became friends and Lena allowed Kara in. Which was why she'd waffled back and forth about revealing her feelings because she didn't want to lose Lena or the friendship she offered. Never wanted to ruin the best relationship of any kind she had ever had because she wanted more.
After Lena had left for two weeks to Metropolis for a tech conference, Kara promised herself that she would lay her heart out on the line as soon as Lena returned regardless of the consequences. They had a scheduled brunch that upcoming Sunday after Lena returned so she vowed would tell her then.
While Lena was gone, Kara had been a mess. Though she maintained her composure during their nightly calls, curbing both excitement and worry. She knew it was a big step to take, she only hoped that their friendship could survive it regardless of what Lena thought.
Foolishly, Kara thought she had time when she finally got the courage to confess the feelings she had been bottling up inside for so long, it became quickly apparent that she was too late. Especially when she walked into Noonan's for their reunion brunch, armed with a small bouquet of flowers in one hand and her heart in the other, and found Lena at their table with someone else.
She almost took a step back with a growing excuse to cancel last minute forming in her mind when Lena glanced over toward the door and found her. A wide smile split Lena's face and Kara's heart thundered in her chest. Left with no choice, Kara took what she hoped was a steadying breath and walked over, hoping that the smile she plastered on rang true.
"Hello, darling," Lena said, engulfing Kara in a hug that Kara returned in full, having missed her best friend these past two weeks.
"Hi. Welcome back."
"It's good to be back. What are the flowers for?"
Kara scratched her forehead even as she shyly passed the flowers to Lena who received them with a smile and a small sniff at the beautiful arrangement of daises, dahlias, and snapdragons.
"I, uh—saw them at the farmer's market on the way, thought I'd give you a little welcome back present."
"They're beautiful, Kara. That reminds me, I have a whole bag of souvenirs and snacks for you in my apartment that we you can pick up later."
"Great."
"By the way, Kara, I wanted you to meet someone."
The man who had been patiently watching them stood up and greeted Kara with a full beard and kind eyes, offering his hand and a charming smile. Kara wasn't very proud to say that she hated him already.
"This is Jack. He's—we used to work together."
"I'm hoping that we would be more than that." His words were bold and British and Kara hated him even more. Meanwhile, a blush appeared on Lena's face, a coy smile apparent on her face at the precise moment a sinking feeling of despair dropped from Kara's chest into the pit of her stomach.
"He's not staying since he has some other meetings before he has to return back to Metropolis, but he wanted to say goodbye before he left National City."
"Nice to meet you," she offered, hoping that her smile reached her eyes.
"Likewise. Any friend of Lena's must be wonderful." Jack turned to look at Lena and dipped his head to give her a small kiss on the cheek. "Talk soon?"
Lena nodded and he made his way to the exit, leaving Kara and Lena alone at their usual table.
Thankfully, perhaps mercifully, the two of them ordered and chatted and forgot all about Jack. Their reunion was filled with updates from one another and sharing food, exactly what Kara had wanted for the two of them, but somehow this moment had been tainted. Especially when Lena confessed, "It was nice to be sought after, and I missed him. I didn't realize just how much."
Lena looked so happy and Kara realized then and there that what Lena needed from her was a best friend and not someone vying for her affections when it was clearly elsewhere.
She left that brunch with a broken heart, and resolved herself to try and get over her best friend. An endeavor Kara would fail for years to come.
—
Over the coming weeks, then months, Jack's intentions became crystal clear and Lena had been swept up in it. Before long, Jack had moved to National City under the guise of expanding his research projects in the contiguous U.S.. But Kara knew better and it pained her to see him have what she was, simply, too late to do anything about. His presence a reminder of who she could never be, so she did what she was exemplary at and she made herself scarce.
Shortened get-togethers, cancelled dinners, premature exits from hang-outs with Lena. As soon as Jack appeared, Kara had something to do, an interview to prepare for, errands to run. Anything to avoid the suffocation of what she could not have.
It wasn't until three months after his more permanent arrival to National City that Lena had finally cornered her and sat her down to talk. Then, in a devastating move that drowned Kara further into her own guilt, Lena apologized to Kara for abandoning their friendship.
"Kara, listen. I know I haven't been a good friend lately."
"What? What are you talking about?"
"I know that this thing with Jack is still developing, but I want you to know that you're the most important person to me. Your friendship means so much and I don't want to lose you over some guy."
She wanted to cry, the word cutting her deep because Kara did lose Lena to some guy; but not just any guy. The man who had been able to live the life Kara wanted. Instead. she simply plastered on what she hoped was an understanding smile. "You're not—"
"You leave the minute he's around."
She internally grimaced. "I'm just...making sure you two have time to spend with each other."
"And what about us? When you leave, then you cut our time short."
Kara felt at odds with herself. "I'm sorry. I thought I was doing it for you."
"Please, darling. I love you and want to make sure that we stay...best friends."
An honor relegated to a consolation prize that Kara couldn't think otherwise and that shamed further. However, the pitiable look on Lena's face who had shouldered the blame for her actions, Kara had no choice but to swallow her pride along with her broken heart. "You're right. I'm sorry. Still best friends?"
Lena smiled and gave her a hug, whispering by her ear, "Always."
Kara wanted to sob.
She made sure to visibly make an effort to spend time together, doing her best to warm to Jack. He was a likeable guy, a charming man who had a lot more in common with Lena than she did. It didn't take much for her to understand why Lena would be with someone like him. They were a great match, certainly more than what she could give her best friend in a reporter's salary and a studio apartment in a rent controlled building. They were in similar circles professionally and personally, while Kara found herself from the outside looking in.
Perhaps it was for the best that Lena ended up with Jack instead of her, she'd once thought bitterly. She couldn't imagine a man like him harboring useless feelings the way that she had, the ones that simply wouldn't die.
—
Hoping for a distraction, she threw herself into dating. She'd half-considered checking both Men and Women options in the dating apps she downloaded but gave up soon after. The idea of finding a woman to replace Lena in her heart sounded wholly unfair to the other woman because she knew that nobody could or would compare. The thought of having to navigate those feelings were more than what she could handle.
Going out and dating took so much time and energy, but she was committed to try and make the best of her self-inflicted shitty situation. It at least gave her real, legitimate reasons to avoid Lena and Jack whenever she could, though the guilt from that was its own problem to contend with. Unsurprisingly, none of her efforts panned out until she eventually fell into a relationship with a guy named Adam she met at her gym. He had asked her out half a dozen times until she eventually relented.
They'd even gone on a double date with Lena and Jack, about two months after they started dating. However, her jealousy burned her from the inside out that she cut their evening short before bedding Adam that very night. She'd thought of Lena's mouth when she came, Lena's fingers inside of her when Adam held her. While he dozed, she felt guilt course through her; unclean and guilty and so, very terrible.
Their relationship barely lasted four months.
She should have felt bad, but she only felt relief that she didn't have to lie anymore, at least not about that. To deal with the end of their relationship, Kara holed herself in her apartment and avoided everyone, Lena included. By the end of the week, Kara had grown stale and tired of herself, so she dressed herself up in tight jeans and a button down before heading to a club lounge on the other side of town, far away from Lena.
It didn't take long to find herself at the club and Kara bee-lined for the bar. She'd taken two shots back to back and made her way to the dance floor where men and women gyrated and danced up on her. At one point, there was a man behind her and a woman in front of her bracketing her as their bodies swayed to the music.
She'd eventually tired herself out and excused herself before finding a booth to rest. Only then did she find a woman who could pass for Lena and she made her move. If she couldn't have the real thing, then a pale imitation would have to do.
It hadn't been too complicated walking up to the woman at the bar as she got a refill, struck up a conversation, and sequestered themselves in a faraway corner just quiet enough to not have to yell at one another.
"I saw you on the dance floor. You really lost yourself out there."
"Just trying to take my mind off of things."
"A boyfriend?"
She shook her head.
"A girlfriend?"
She took a pause and sipped her drink before she shook her head.
"Ah. One of those, then?"
Kara didn't know what the woman was referencing, perhaps it was the alcohol having made its way through her bloodstream or something else. Either way, she didn't say anything.
"Well, if you still need to keep your mind off of things, I've got just the thing."
It hadn't taken much for her to settle her tab before she allowed the woman to intertwine their fingers and catch a cab outside. They didn't kiss or jump onto each other in the backseat of the car, instead, this woman she knew nothing about moved Kara's hand to rest on her leg, the tips of Kara's fingers teasing the inside of her thighs.
The woman booked a hotel room for them and before the door could even click shut, they were all over one another. She squatted slightly, her hands gripping the back of the woman's thighs and hoisted her up until she carried them to the bed. Clothes were easily discarded until all they were left in were their underwear.
"Fuck me like you wanna fuck her," the woman had said, her voice like nails against her skin for the truth they were carving bare, but she still had the alcohol in her system, so she obliged. She tore the woman's thong and threw it somewhere before she lapped up the woman's wetness, sucking and nipping and caressing exactly how she would Lena if she had the chance. The woman came in a few short minutes, breathing hard and hands gripping the back of Kara's head.
"Do that again," the woman husked and pressed Kara back down until her nose rubbed up against the woman's clit. Kara did as she was told, her hands roamed the woman's body before landing on her breasts, tweaking the nipples in tandem to when she dipped her tongue in. Her face had cum all over, but she didn't care because if this was the closest thing to what she wanted, she was going to give it everything she had.
When the woman came twice more before they switched positions, turning the woman on all fours and pushing her down until her chest touched the bed. Kara shut her eyes and imagined Lena in this position, whimpering for Kara to keep touching her. She began drawing circles with her fingers on the woman's clit before she slipped those very fingers into her already slippery core, draping her body over the woman, Kara's naked breasts sliding against the woman's sweaty back. Kara dipped her head and alternated kisses and bites on the woman's shoulder and neck and fantasized that it was Lena's pale skin that she was marking as hers, claiming. The woman turned her head to kiss the side of Kara's face and Kara let her ragged breaths wash over Kara's skin as she pictured it was Lena asking her for more, wanting everything that Kara gave.
"S-say—call me darling," she ordered between huffs as their joined bodies rocked together.
"Darling, let me come," the woman purred, seemingly content to play along. The sound of this woman's voice breathing against Kara's skin ramped up her pleasure tenfold, her imagination slotting Lena in her stead making Kara wetter than she'd ever been.
"Together," she instructed as their climaxes neared. Kara tugged the woman up until they were both kneeling, her back pressed up against Kara's front. The woman drew her arm up to cup the back of Kara's nape.
"Mark me, darling—yes, yes—"
Kara did just that, nipping the woman's shoulder while she quickened her hand's pace, ignoring the ache of her wrists because she wanted to make Lena come. She wanted to come with Lena.
"I'm coming!"
"Len—ugh," she grunted, stopping her lips from further betraying her heart by clamping her mouth on sweat-stained skin.
She'd climaxed untouched, the vision of Lena having come undone by her hands seared into her memories.
The woman gently tapped her hand so she carefully slid her fingers out and wiped it against the bed spread.
"You came?" the woman asked when she cupped Kara, her slick having soaked through her own underwear.
She shrugged. "You were hot."
The woman smirked and studied Kara's features. Her brown eyes were nothing like Lena but they were just as striking her sharp. She tilted her head and studied Kara, but Kara hadn't wanted judgment, so she laid down so her eyes were focused on the ceiling.
"Don't tell me you're done?" the woman teased.
"No, no. Just—resting."
"Don't rest for too long, I want to get my money's worth on this room."
Kara thought, fleetingly that perhaps the woman was also trying to get over someone. She wouldn't mind if this woman used her for her body, didn't mind if she was returning the same favor by standing in place of someone else. But she doubted that was the case.
—
By the time she woke up the next day, it was just a little after ten in the morning and she was sporting a killer headache. When she opened her eyes to scan the room, there was no trace of the woman save for the note she left with her number for in case Kara wanted to get her mind off of things again.
Despite the pleasures she experienced at the hands of this stranger the night before, what she'd done by pretending the woman was Lena had made Kara sick to her stomach at herself and at feeling like she'd violated her friendship with Lena somehow. She scrubbed herself clean in the hot shower and donned the filth of last night's clothes. She stared at the woman's note before throwing it in the trash bin and walking out.
After the night she had, all Kara wanted was to take a long hot bath and pass out, but was stopped on the top landing of her floor when her phone rang a call from Lena. When she looked up, she froze in her tracks at the sight of Lena standing by her door, carrying what appeared to be a bag of takeout in one hand and her phone held to her face with the other.
Even though she was looking right at Lena just a few yards from her, Kara didn't bother to move, instead answering the call even with the latent echo.
"Hey, Lena."
"Hi, Kara," Lena said, a small smile on her face. "Are you home?"
She let out a wry chuckle before taking a step forward, her free hand already reaching for her keys in her pocket. "Maybe. Why, what's up?"
A cheeky smirk appeared on Lena's face. "I was in the neighborhood. Thought I'd bring some lunch."
That lunch was a code word for a check-in, Kara knew, but this was the exact reason Kara's heart belonged to Lena; for her thoughtfulness and her effort to reach out to Kara even though she knew she didn't deserve it.
Kara arrived in front of her best friend, the two of them standing but a foot away from each other, their phones still held by their ears. "You didn't have to do that."
"I wanted to."
For the first time in a week, Kara gave a real smile, one that Lena mirrored.
She made quick work of bringing them inside of her apartment, glad that she'd tidied up recently. Lena made a home for herself in the living room as she took out the dishes from the bag and laid them out on the coffee table. Kara couldn't help but smile before disappearing into the bathroom and getting rid of her sins from the night before.
The first hour they spent together had been focused on nourishment and watching whatever YouTube episode was playing on the screen. Only when they'd finished the food and rested back on the couch that Lena finally reached out to her. The action should have warmed her heart, but considering what she'd done the night before, she only felt dirty.
"You must have really liked him," Lena commented, taking a sip of her wine.
"What do you mean?"
Lena tilted her head and threw her a pointed look. "Come on, Kara. The two of you dated for four months but I had never seen you look so heartbroken."
Somehow, the guilt churning in her stomach worsened. What was she supposed to say to a statement so false and so far from the truth?
The truth that she'd had meaningless sex with a woman she pretended was Lena and who she was never going to reach out to because Kara sought her out precisely because she reminded her of her straight best friend who was committed to a man that Kara hated?
That she'd put up through the ruse of a four-month old relationship with a man who could tell that her heart wasn't in it, even if he didn't know the specifics as to why.
That he rightly broke up with him because it was smarter to cut his losses than suffer more of what she clearly couldn't offer him. She didn't blame him, he was right, after all.
Backed into a corner of her own making, Kara tugged at the strings of her hoodie and stared straight ahead, knew that she couldn't handle it if she had to look at Lena when she said the words, "I just wanted to love someone and for someone to love me back."
The space beside Kara dipped and Lena was by her side, wrapping her arm around Kara, love and affection that at this precise moment, Kara did not deserve.
"You'll find your person," Lena assured her, bringing their heads together.
Kara had found her person, she bitterly thought, but she'd been slow to the draw, slow to make peace with herself until it was entirely too late.
—
When Jack proposed to Lena, Kara had been surprised. It was such a public spectacle that she was mostly slack jawed as he stood from his one-kneed proposal and kissed Lena, the diamond glinting under the bright lights of the gala.
She stepped away from the onslaught of congratulations headed towards the happy couple and she rushed to the bathroom, able to reach the toilet in time until she released her stomach's contents into the bowl.
When she cleaned herself up, she exited the bathroom and walked towards the floor-to-ceiling windows that overlooked National City's twinkling nightlife.
The sound of heels approached closer and closer until she heard, "There you are!"
She plastered on the best smile she could before she turned to face her best friend. "Congratulations are in order, then?"
Lena beamed and reached out to hug her. Kara accepted the hug, her face almost tucked into Lena's neck before she needed to pull back. "Thank you."
"I didn't think you were the type for public proposals," Kara commented, her eyes focused on the ring on Lena's hand. A large rock, blinding almost, nothing that Kara could ever give her.
"It took me by surprise, since you know that I prefer more private settings. But he'd apparently been planning it with Lillian."
"Lillian?"
Lena let out a chuckle. "Yes. Apparently, they'd been planning this for some time."
"Did you know he was going to propose?"
She shook her head. "No, but it makes sense, right? This is the next step to our relationship. Besides, he looks so happy."
The two of them looked out to the main gala space where their eyes landed on Jack being ushered around by Lillian, no doubt congratulating him on their engagement.
"Are you?" she asked, her attention returning to Lena.
"Of course," Lena answered, though her face had sobered more when she turned her eyes back to Kara. "This is a good thing."
With an aching heart, Kara drew her best friend into a hug. When they broke apart, Kara's eyes were glassy despite her best attempts to control her emotions. She gave Lena her best smile. "Then that's all that matters, Lena."
—
While she watched Jack whisk Lena away from the gala, Kara downed the rest of her champagne, waiting for a refill at the bar. She caught the eye of a woman at the other end of the bar. Reaching for her flute, she raised it to the woman who accepted her glass from the bartender and walked over towards Kara.
Kara's eyes remained on the woman, her beautiful dark skin shone under the lights and natural curly hair bounced as she made her way towards Kara. Their pleasantries lasted all of five minutes until Kara, brazen and reckless, brushed forward and whispered into the woman's ear what she really wanted to do if the woman was up for it.
The woman, Giselle or Genevieve or something, simply quirked a brow before taking a sip of her drink and offering the rest to Kara. Wordlessly, Kara accepted it and gulped down the rest, the solitary ice clinking against the glass.
When they reached the woman's hotel somewhere downtown, Kara's mouth was making a home in the hollow of the woman's neck.
The woman had her sitting on the edge of the bed and towered over her, smooth fingers unbuttoning Kara's tuxedo shirt.
"I'll give you a night to remember," the woman offered before bringing her mouth against Kara's neck.
She didn't say a word, simply accepted the pleasure the woman was giving her, because there was no reason to explain to her that Kara was actually doing all of this to forget.
Notes:
comments would be appreciated and also more patience as i try to find the time to write the rest of this!
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