Chapter 1: Reminders
Chapter Text
"Bye bud" Louis said, waving and kissing Freddie's forehead one last time before leaving.
The cool February breeze caused Louis to shiver a little. He zipped his jacket up quickly and got into the car, turning up the heat as soon as it would start. As he drove home, Louis found himself thinking of the One Direction days, and all the times they had interacted with younger fans. The happiness he had felt around kids was not nearly as much as the excitement and joy he felt meeting his newborn for the first time since he had come home from the hospital.
Louis stopped at a stoplight and tapped on the wheel while humming for a moment until it turned for him to go. Before he knew it, he had made it home to his apartment. He turned off the car and leaned his head back for a moment, thinking about Freddie. It occurred to Louis that one of the other boys had talked about wanting a kid for a while, but for some reason he couldn't remember who it was. It was odd not remembering details of that sort, they had been a band for 5 years, and yet he still forgot some of the little details. And lyrics.
Louis snorted to himself and entered his apartment. As he sat down on the sofa to watch football, it hit him. Harry had always wanted kids. Louis stared at the blank TV screen. He remembered all the times Harry would get excited when a kid was near. Louis tried to get rid of the thought, the pain of losing Harry was still very fresh. He turned on the TV and began to watch football, trying to forget about Harry as much as he could.
-
As Louis went to bed that night he found himself thinking about Harry again. Louis had hardly talked to the boys in months. Why was he thinking of Harry now? He thought about the up all nights and the nights Harry would poke him awake to tell him a joke or a thought, or the times they would just lay there and snuggle and talking. Louis cried himself to sleep trying hard not to think of Harry, but he couldn't.
Weeks went by. February turned into March and Harry was still constantly in Louis' mind. At first it was only occasional. A quick thought and then it was over with. But before Louis knew it Harry took up every inch of his mind, just like back in the One Direction days. He had not realized how much he actually missed Harry until now.
Louis could not bear it anymore. He sat on the sofa and contemplated on what he was going to do. He had already tried to move on from Harry by dating Brianna, and although he really liked her, she just wasn't the one for him. He could always try to get back in touch with Harry, it wouldn't mean they would necessarily date again but they could at least be friends. If Louis really wanted to he could probably see about calling up all the boys, but he also knew they were busy setting up their solo careers.
-
Louis decided he was going to see what his mum thought. Although she had a habit of overdoing things at times, she was usually pretty good at handling these things. He scrolled through his contact list on his phone until he reached the one labeled "Mum". He pressed it and hit the "call" button. It didn't ring long before his mum picked up.
"Hello?" came the voice on the other end.
Louis sighed trying to figure out a way to order his words. "Hey, mum, I was wondering if I uh- could come over this evening."
"Why of course you can!" Louis' mum began happily, "Is there a specific occasion?"
Louis leaned against a wall. "Well I wanted to talk to you about something, but I also figured I haven't stopped for a visit in a while."
"Well alright I'm looking forward to seeing you then." She responded. "Just leave me a message when you're on your way."
"Alright mum. Love you."
"Love you too."
Louis hung up the phone and pocketed it. He sighed. Knowing his mum she'd wanna keep him for the weekend, which would be nice since it would get him away from his empty apartment. He made his way to his bedroom and threw a few things in a bag, zipped it, and dragged it out to his car.
-
Louis embraced his mum in a tight hug when he entered the house. Harry briefly crossed his mind as he let go, but he shook it off quickly. Louis dumped his bag onto the floor by the door, causing his mum to shake her head.
"24 years old and a newborn yet you've hardly changed a bit." Louis' mum laughed.
Louis smiled and sat in his usual spot on the sofa. They talked for a while and caught up on the last few months. Then they watched TV. Louis tried to procrastinate the conversation that he was here to have in the first place, but eventually he just couldn't do it anymore.
"Hey mum?" Louis said at last. "You remember how I told you on the phone earlier that I wanted to talk to you about something?"
"Yeah. Are you wanting to talk about it now?"
"Uhm yeah well it's about Harry."
Louis' mum paused the TV. "Yeah?"
"Yeah. I keep thinking about him and I don't know. I just don't know what to do. I think I miss him mum." Louis looked down and fiddled with his fingers.
Louis' mum watched him. "Are you still in contact with him?"
Louis cracked his knuckles and stared at the ceiling. "I mean sorta. I still have his contact and all that but I've hardly spoken to him."
"Why don't you leave him a message or something then?"
Louis stared at the floor. Of course his mum had told him the obvious. "Well I- I don't know really I suppose I could. I just don't know what he's doing anymore and wouldn't wanna bother him."
Louis' mum thought for a moment. "Well, I am still in contact with Anne..."
Louis looked up from the floor.
"...Why don't I see if I can have a chat with her and find out what he's up to, and then maybe we'll be able to get you two in contact again."
Louis' eyes lit up, causing his mum to smile. She got up and ruffled his hair, then left the room to go find out about Anne.
"Thank you mum!" Louis called
"You're very welcome Lou."
Louis spent the rest of the evening trying to carry on as usual, but he had trouble focusing on just that. He thought about Harry again. Imagining reuniting with his best mate again was exciting but also equally anxiety inducing. He wondered if Harry would be happy to see him.
-
The next morning Louis came downstairs to see his mum sitting at the table, who seemed to be doing something on her laptop.
"Look who's awake!" Louis' mum said, looking in from her laptop.
Louis smiled a little and rubbed his eyes as he sat down at the table with her. "Morning"
Louis' mum brought Louis a plate of breakfast, of which was still quite warm, and sat it down in front of him.
"Thanks," Louis mumbled as he began to eat
Louis' mum smiled and sat back at her and watched him. They sat in silence until Louis was almost done, and then she spoke again.
"Anne messaged me back last night."
Louis almost choked on the last bit of food he was swallowing. "You did?"
Louis' mum nodded. "I haven't asked her about Harry yet though."
Louis' mum noticed the slight disappointment in Louis' face. "I know you wanna get back in touch with him soon Lou, but I want to have a chat with her first. We're friends too you know."
Louis nodded. "I know mum. He's probably busy writing songs or something anyway."
Chapter 2: Signs (of the Times)
Chapter Text
Harry exited the studio feeling excited. His music was still in a very early stage but he felt that it was coming along quite nicely.
As he walked to his car he ran his fingers through his hair. He liked having his hair this length. It was much more manageable than the long hair. Harry sat down in the drivers seat and put the key fob into the ignition. He found himself thinking of how Louis used to play with Harry's hair and go on about his curls. He tried to shake off the thought but he still found himself thinking of it even by the time he had made it home and was taking his shoes off at the door. Even while he made his dinner and ate it he was still thinking about Louis. Harry felt terrible about the decision to leave Louis the way he did, but he knew it was for the best. Harry decided that he would try to only think of the happy moments if he thought about those days, not the sad ones.
-
A few days later Harry was sitting at his table coming up with ideas for songs. He stared at the ceiling for a while, searching every nook and cranny in his mind for an idea or bit of inspiration. He remembered calling Louis an angel a couple years back. Harry wondered if it was a bad idea to write a song about Louis. It couldn't possibly hurt that much right? Maybe he'd even find it easier to get over it. He spent over an hour writing but had only finished maybe half a song.
He sighed and opened his laptop. When he opened his inbox he was greeted by a new email from the director of Dunkirk, Christopher Nolan. It read:
Harry,
We are excited to have you as a member of our cast. In late April we will have you fly out to France to begin filming. As it is only the middle of March, an email at a later date will provide more information. Please refrain from announcing anything to the public, but you may tell family members if you wish.
Looking forward to having you,
Christopher Nolan
Harry smiled. He knew he would have a lot to do in the next month, but he was also looking forward to getting to act in a movie for the first time. He hadn't even told his own mum yet, who he normally told everything to. He picked up his phone and called her.
"Hey mum" Harry said excitedly the moment she picked up.
"Oh hello Harry. You sound happy what's up?"
Harry took a deep breath. "You remember how I told you about wanting to audition for a film?"
"Yeah? Wasn't that like months ago though?" Anne sounded confused.
"Yeah well I uh sent some tapes in right? And they accepted me"
Silence.
"Mum?" Harry asked, worriedly.
"Sorry hun I'm just really happy for you. That's amazing Harry."
Harry grinned. "Thank you"
"When will you be flying out?"
"Not until late April, but I still have to work out some things with my label and management and everything."
"I'm really proud of you Harry" Anne said. "Come and visit me before you leave will you?"
Harry smiled "Yeah of course mum"
Harry hadn't fell this much happiness in months. He almost wished Louis was there to celebrate. Harry felt guilty for thinking about Louis so much, but he hoped this trip would take his mind off of things.
-
Nearly a month passed. It was an uneventful one, as Harry spent a lot of time working. He was exhausted. Lucky for him, he had almost everything ready to go so that he could leave. He would pack in a couple days, visit his mum one more time and then by then it would be time to fly out. He hadn't thought of Louis much in the last month either, which meant his plan of keeping himself busy was working.
Harry opened his phone and called his mum.
"Hello" she said once she picked up.
Harry started throwing a few things into a bag. "Hey mum you okay if I stay over tonight?"
"Yeah that's fine"
"Alright mum see you in a bit. Love you bye."
Harry hung up and pocketed his phone. He threw a few more things into his bag, zipped it, then left for his mums.
As he walked up to his mums house not even an hour later, he found himself thinking about Louis again. He questioned why he was thinking of him, since nothing in the past hour had anything to do with One Direction or otherwise. He ignored it as he hugged his mum, hoping that his mind was just wandering.
Harry and Anne sat on the couch, deep in conversation.
"Oh I spoke with Johanna the other day." Anne said, as the conversation began to change again.
Harry could not believe what he was hearing. Surely she was talking about someone else. "Who?"
Anne chuckled a little bit. "You remember Louis' mum don't you?"
Of course it was Louis' mum. Harry nodded slowly, wondering where Anne was going with this.
"Anyway we had a conversation caught up and all that."
Harry listened intently.
"And she was talking about how Louis is wanting to possibly get back in touch."
Harry raised his eyebrows at his mum.
"I know it might be hard for you two knowing the uh, circumstances of where you left off." Anne started. "But he really does want to meet up again at some point."
Harry's heart dropped to the pit of his stomach.
Chapter 3: The First Visit
Chapter Text
Harry didn't know how to feel. He was happy that Louis wanted to meet up with him again, but he was quite literally about to leave for a whole other county in a week. He didn't want to rush things but he wasn't sure meeting up for a day and then disappearing down south to France was a great friend of him either.
Anne watched Harry, who was trying to figure out what to do. "I know you've got to leave in a week, but you've worked so hard Harry. It wouldn't hurt to take a break to meet with an old friend before you leave. It might even boost your mood."
Harry thought about it. It would be nice to see Louis again. Even if it had only been a few months since they had seen each other, it would not hurt to catch up. He felt bad for the terms he had left their relationship on. Although meeting again would not necessarily mean that they would ever get to date again, he would at least have a chance at getting his best mate back. Or at least one of them. Harry had not spoken to any of the boys since the hiatus, and Zayn had been gone even longer than that. He sighed
"Why not" Harry spoke at last. "It'd be nice to speak to him again and I kind of feel bad for the terms we left on when the band broke up."
Anne smiled "Are you staying here the whole weekend?"
"Yeah"
"Okay I'll speak to Johannah and see what we can do"
Anne walked out of the room and Harry could not stop smiling. He considered texting Louis, or maybe one of the other boys, but then decided against it. He figured if he was going to reunite with any of the boys he'd better take it slow.
-
Harry came down the stairs happily the next morning to find his mum making breakfast. He had spent a lot of that night thinking about Louis. He had thought a lot about the One Direction days and many of the memories he and Louis had attached to them. He felt guilty about thinking about them so much but he didn't reflect on them too much.
"Morning Harry." Anne said, setting a plate of food in front of him. "Louis is going to go visit his son but then he'll be over sometime this afternoon."
Harry nodded slowly. He had forgotten that Louis had had a son already. Harry and Louis had talked often about wanting kids at some point. The pain was still quite raw, but he tried to ignore it by thinking about his visit with Louis. He wondered if it would be awkward or if it would just be like old times. It hadn't been incredibly long since the band officially split, but Louis and Harry had been split against their will for longer.
Anne saw the nervous expression on Harry's face. "Are you sure you're going to be able to do this?"
Harry nodded quickly. "Yeah I'm sure. It'd be nice to see my best mate again."
Harry second guessed himself anyway. What would he do if it awkward? Harry and Louis were forced to be very distant towards the end of the one direction days, to the point where they never had much time to chat. On top of that, it had been over a year and a half since they had last broken up.
"Is something bothering you Harry?" Anne questioned.
Harry sighed and looked down at his plate. His mum really did always know how he was feeling. "I guess I'm just scared that it'll be awkward. We broke up quite a while ago but I don't know. It still hurts mum. I miss Louis I really do but I also feel like I haven't quite moved on and I almost feel guilty about it."
"Harry you and Louis were practically attached at the hip for years. Of course you're still going to be hurting about it."
Harry nodded.
"It may be a little bit awkward but I'm sure you guys will warm up to each other again."
Harry nodded again. "Yeah I suppose it can't be that bad. I haven't really thought of him that much in the last couple months so I must've moved on a little bit."
"It takes a long time to get over something like that, but I'm sure you'll be okay. You've already been through so much in the past 7 years."
Harry got up and hugged Anne. "Thank you mum."
-
(It's the day after where I left off in the first chapter with Louis)
Johannah is sitting in her recliner typing away on her laptop. Louis comes downstairs and joins her on the couch.
"Anything new on Harry?" he asks, fumbling around for the remote.
"Yeah actually. He's at Anne's house for the weekend, so you could go over there today if you'd like."
Louis' eyes lit up, but they quickly faded again. "Ah but mum I've got to go and see Freddie this morning."
Johannah thought for a moment. "Couldn't you go and see Harry after you leave then?"
Louis felt stupid. Of course he could just go and see Harry this afternoon. "Oh right yeah I suppose so if that's fine with his mum."
"Okay well I'll talk to Anne. You better go and pack then if you're wanting to see Harry."
Louis smiled and made his way back upstairs to go pack his things together. As he did so, he began to wonder what Harry would think. Did Harry want to see him? Would their interaction be awkward? A small part of him wished they could fix what they used to have, but he immediately felt guilty that he even bothered hoping for such a thing.
He came downstairs, said goodbye to his mum, then left. Louis thought about Harry more as he drove to Brianna's. When he finally arrived, he figured he had just been overthinking the whole thing. He had Freddie to worry about now, and that really eased his mind about the whole thing.
The visit with Freddie made Louis feel a lot better. It crossed his mind once that he would love for Harry to meet him, but it really didn't bother him that much. He was proud to have a kid now. Even under those circumstances. Louis had such a great time that the afternoon came before he even knew it. He said goodbye to Freddie and Brianna, and made his way to his car to go see Harry.
-
The morning went by faster than Harry had thought. Before he knew it, it was the afternoon. Anne had come in and informed Harry 45 minutes earlier that Louis was on his way, so Harry had not stopped checking the time since. Every time a car went by, he found himself playing with his fingers, waiting for the knock on the door.
Louis parked the car in the driveway and took a deep breath. He figured the easiest way to overcome the anxiety was to just go ahead and do it. He made his way up to the door and knocked.
Harry jumped at the sound. The time it took to walk to the door and open it felt much longer than usual. He figured it was the nerves.
Harry grinned wider than ever when he finally opened the door. Louis smiled at the sight of the other too.
"Hi Louis."
"Hi Harry."
Harry invited Louis inside and barely had a chance to shut the door before Louis embraced him in a tight hug. It was just like old times. All of the anxiety from the last few hours and the sadness from the past few months seemed to disappear in that instant.
Harry let go of Louis and plopped down on the couch, patting the spot beside him for the other to join.
"You cut your hair." Louis said as he sat down.
"Yeah. It was mostly for this movie I'm acting in but it is much more manageable now."
Louis' eyes widened. "You're acting in a movie?"
Harry smiled and nodded. "Yeah it's not that big of a thing but I have to fly out to France in a few days for it."
"Well then I can't wait to see it." Louis said, grinning.
Harry grinned too. "What have you been up to Lou?"
"You know it's honestly not been that much. Other than hanging out with Freddie I've messed around with some concepts for songs but I haven't gotten a lot done with anything."
"Freddie?"
Louis forgot that he and Harry hadn't exactly said much to each other in quite a bit. "Oh right. Freddie is my kid. I know we agreed not to talk about it and all but you gotta meet him some time he's pretty adorable."
Harry smiled. Although Louis' kid was quite a heavy subject, he was happy for Louis nonetheless.
They continued to chat for hours. Making up for months apart. Before they knew it, it was already time to part ways. Reluctantly, the two went to the door.
"It was nice to see you again mate." Louis said, hugging Harry.
"Yeah. Text me or something once in a while will you?"
Louis nodded. "See you Harry!"
"Bye Lou!"
Harry sat back down in his place on the couch and stared at the ceiling. He had the biggest grin on his face with a happiness he had not quite felt like that in a long time.
"Well that seemed to have gone well, don't you think?" Anne said as she sat down beside him.
Harry nodded. "Yeah it was nice to see him again. I sort of feel bad running off to France in a few days though."
"It'll be alright." Anne said, patting his back. "You better get home and make sure you have everything ready to go though."
Chapter 4: Parallels
Chapter Text
Louis was happy with how things went. He had gotten to talk to his best mate once again. The memories that once pained him to think about didn't feel nearly as bad. Granted, he still preferred to think about the friendly ones and not the ones from their relationship days, but still. All seemed to be going well.
Harry on the other hand, felt guilty, but he wasn't quite sure why. At first, he thought he'd had an idea. He figured it was because he was practically running off to France just after reuniting with Louis. But as he stared blankly out of the trains's window, that didn't quite seem to be it. When Harry dropped the news that he was leaving England two days later, Louis seemed to be fine about it. He was more interested than any thing.
Harry sighed and put his headphones on. He figured it was best not to dwell on it too much. The easiest thing would be to take everything slowly and let the universe lay things out itself. Instead he spent the rest of the time coming up with song lyrics.
Before he knew it, the train had stopped just outside of Dunkirk and Harry was leaving the station. The weather was not much warmer in France than in London, but it was sunnier and a lot dryer which was nice.
By the time Harry had made it to his hotel room, he was pretty tired. Although it hadn't been a long journey, he was definitely a victim of jet lag. He paid little attention to the room as he hastily dumped his luggage on the floor and changed. He laid in bed and was out in minutes.
-
Harry did not sleep well that night, but it was better than nothing. Louis on the other hand, was finally getting some good sleep and was happier than ever. He spent a lot more time humming songs from a certain band and hopping around the house like his usual energetic self.
When Harry woke up that morning and picked up his phone to check the time, a text message greeted him among the various other notifications and messages. Upon opening it, he realized it was from Louis.
Louis :)
Have a good time at your film
thing :)
Haha I will x
Although such a short text, Harry felt himself to be a lot happier that day.
Harry walked into the building he would be working that day with the biggest smile on his face.
The director, Christopher Nolan, greeted him as he entered. "Well someone is happy this morning. Always good to see our actors optimistic and ready for a day of filming. How are you Harry?"
"I'm great," Harry responded.
"Great to hear," Nolan responded. "Right then, if you'll just come this way so you can meet the rest of the cast."
Harry followed obediently. It was odd being by the side of one of the most famous movie directors. He wasn't sure if he was excited or nervous. To be fair though, Harry himself had been in one of the most famous boy bands. At least they had something they could relate to.
"Right." Nolan said, as they walked down the hall. "We won't be doing much today. We'll have the cast meeting with those that will be working with us in France. We'll work out what needs to be done for this leg of the shoot and scheduling and things. Surely you did something similar in the One Direction days?"
Harry was a little bit taken aback by the mention of the band, but nodded anyway. Although he recalled management getting more done than the boys did due to their chaos.
"Good," said Nolan, smiling. "This should be easy then. Right this way."
The meeting lasted for quite a few hours, but it wasn't too bad. Definitely different from One Direction management meetings, but still enjoyable. On top of that, they got quite a lot done, which is always a bonus. His cast mates were very friendly as well, which made Harry all the more excited to work alongside them in the film.
Louis' day was very productive as well. He threw some ideas around the studio and recorded a few demos of which he was excited to continue working on. Quite a few things got sorted out in his meeting as well, although it definitely wasn't as interesting of a meeting.
Both boys texted each other when they laid in bed that night. It was late into the night when they went to sleep, but both were content.
Although one may consider it boring, Harry and Louis kept up their routine for quite a few days. Harry began to go to the set and film on most days, with a few shorter sessions on other days. Louis was in and out of the studio working on things. Some nights when they got off early, they would spend a few hours on FaceTime with each other. They were nearly as happy as they were during the first year or so of One Direction. Nothing seemed to be able to ruin the good mood.
-
Almost as if in a parallel to One Direction however, things began to change. And not necessarily for the better. Louis' mum was sick and no one seemed to quite be able to figure out what was wrong. This changed Louis' mood very quickly. He was a lot more stressed, to the point of even taking time off to stay with her.
Harry's mood did not change too much, however he definitely felt bad for Louis. He hoped that everything would turn out okay, especially seeing how upset it made Louis.
Their calls and texts persisted, however they weren't as often.
"Hello?" Louis said one night, answering the phone.
"Hi Lou."
"Hi."
Neither said anything for a moment. It was hard making conversation at this point. Nothing had changed much.
"My mum has some tests tomorrow," Louis said at last. "I'm not really sure what for, but it might figure out what's wrong."
"Well that's good."
Harry had a hard time knowing what to say for Louis. Louis on the other hand didn't care, he felt that Harry being there on the other end of the phone was good enough for him.
"Yeah," Louis said. "Her doctor said we'd probably find out in a couple days."
"Don't you have that wedding to go to in a couple days?"
Louis sighed, "Yeah. I think the test results are supposed to come in afterward though. It really just depends."
"Well I hope everything works out for you Louis."
Chapter 5: Perfect
Chapter Text
Louis woke up the morning of the wedding feeling hopeful. He really wasn't sure why. Maybe he was happy for his friends getting married, maybe not. He wasn't really sure. Either way, it was a better feeling than constant anxiety.
Harry felt pretty good too. He was getting a break today, and planned on using it to hang out around Dunkirk. He couldn't do much as he didn't want to make a bunch of public appearances, however he still wanted to go out.
He got up pretty early in order to go for a run. Breathing in the cool spring breeze felt good. The light wind blowing in his face was refreshing, and pushed his optimism even further.
Towards the end of his run, Harry noticed a small cafe, and decided to try it for breakfast. As he entered, he took note of the surroundings. The lighting was very yellow and there was a lot of oak furniture everywhere. It was definitely an odd one, but Harry was too hungry to care. He kept it simple and ordered a croissant and some fruit.
The man who took his order showed no sign of recognition in his eyes at the sight of Harry, which was a good thing. For some reason he was often the most recognized out of the five of the former band, so it was nice to not be noticed. Before long, Harry's food was done. He took it and sat down to eat.
It really did not take very long to eat as he had not ordered much, but he took his time regardless. He thanked the man for the meal and left.
As Harry wandered around Dunkirk, he was sure to take in all the wonderful senses around him. The air was cool, but warm enough that it was very pleasant. It was very historical looking, but equally very beautiful. While Harry had visited quite the variety of places when he was touring alongside his band mates of One Direction, there was still something very special about Dunkirk.
-
It didn't take very long for Louis to get ready for the wedding. He had done it many times in the past, and well, would probably attend many more in the future. Either way, he was excited. Something about the coming adventures for his friends and getting to spend the day with a bunch of his mates just made Louis happy.
The wedding venue was a very short drive from his small downtown flat, but Louis still liked to put the radio on for a bit of peace of mind. As one song faded to the next, Louis quickly recognized the vague, nearly incoherent mumbling at the beginning of the song. Realizing what it was, he smirked. It was Olivia. As much as he tried to fight it and put it behind him, he sang along regardless. Nothing could possibly ruin his mood now.
Louis made it to the venue very quickly and put his car in park. As he got out of his car, he was greeted by the groom. A quick hug followed by a few words left Louis smiling more than he had in quite a while. The groom had had to run, being it his wedding in all, which gave Louis the perfect opportunity to grab his gift for the new couple and drop it on the table with the others.
It was an outdoor venue, and the weather could not have been better. The sky was a beautiful shade of blue and very clear, and the warmth of the sun with the light spring breeze made everything seem perfect. The venue itself was pretty typical as far as weddings go. Very white, definitely similar to many of the weddings he had attended before, but that did not bother him. It was quite nice actually.
When Louis had arrived there were only a few others around, a few guests and those who were in the wedding. Slowly however, others made their way into the venue. By the time everyone had showed up and the wedding was ready to begin, there was a decent number of people, but it was not huge.
The ceremony itself seemed very quick. There was an optimistic feeling in the air for everyone, a perfect atmosphere for a wedding. Before they knew it there was speeches. Louis spoke a little bit, keeping it short and sweet, many others did the same with the exception of one or two whose were longer.
Soon enough it was evening. It was still quite warm and the breeze had subsided, but it felt more like being in the shade even though there was hardly any shade left. The guests laughed and talked amongst one another, eating a little here and there although most had finished their plates. Nothing seemed to be able to ruin this.
Of course, even on the most perfect of days there always seems to be that one spec of grey.
Louis knew deep down that the cards that he had been dealt were just too good to last, and they had already done so much too long.
Louis was conversing lightly with another guest, not entirely able to recall the name.
"You're the lad from One Direction aren't you?"
"I am I am" Louis said, nodding.
"Do you still write music?"
Louis kind of fumbled over his words at this. "I mean to be honest mate I haven't in a while. I'll write a little bit here and there but nothing big."
"I hope you get back to it"
"I do too mate you know I have such a passion for it I just don't feel like I've been able to come through with much."
As the man started to speak again, Louis' phone began to buzz in his pocket. He picked it up, and realized it was his mum.
"Sorry I have to answer this" Louis said quickly, figuring it was his mum's test results or something. He went just outside the venue and answered.
"Hey Lou"
"Hello mum. How'd it go"
Johannah sighed. "That's what I've called to tell you about Lou. Where are you at? Are you still at the wedding?"
"Yeah but I'm just outside the venue. Everything alright?" Louis began to become slightly more panicked.
Johannah sighed again. "Louis, I've got terminal leukemia."
Chapter 6: Not the Same
Chapter Text
"Louis?"
Shock had overcome his body. He didn't know whether he felt like crying or throwing up, but he had nearly dropped his phone out of shock.
"Louis?" Johannah asked again.
Louis took a deep breath. "Yeah?"
"We'll get through this baby. Everything will be alright."
Silence filled the line from both ends. Neither knew what to say. After quite a bit of it Louis managed to speak.
"Mum, are you, you're not still at the hospital are you?"
"No, they've done all the testing they need to do. I'm meant to go back next week for more testing and an evaluation for what kind of treatment they can give me to slow the progression."
Louis sighed and thought about his options. "Well uhm. shit alright. Mum, I'm going to go and let them know that I'm leaving. Do you want me to come up and see you?"
"No, It's getting late Lou its probably best you go home for the night, but if you'd like you can come and visit tomorrow."
"Alright. I love you mum. bye."
"I love you too Louis. bye."
Even after hanging up and pocketing his phone, Louis stood nearly glued to his spot for what felt like forever. He pretty well was feeling the first stage of grief and his mum was not even gone. Once he was able to collect himself, Louis dismissed himself and made for the seemingly long drive home.
Louis could hardly remember getting out of the car and into the flat, changing, and getting into bed. The last two hours felt like a sickly dream. He was hardly aware of the fact that he was staring at nothing but a blank wall where he had been too busy to hang pictures. Everything felt vaguely foggy and he ached all over, but Louis realized the ache came primarily from his heart. Whether it had been hours or just mere minutes, the tears eventually just came. Not even sobs, short, shallow breaths, or anything else, just streams of tears.
At that exact moment, Louis felt entirely helpless. He almost always went to his mum for issues and yet, his mum was the reason he felt like this. Not because she had done anything, but because there was nothing he could do to help her.
Then, Louis thought: Why didn't he just call Harry?
-
Harry was up reading in bed. It was not common to find him up this late these days as he was up so early so often, but tonight he was regardless. It had been a nice quiet day for Harry, the kind he enjoyed very much. It just felt right to sit and read for a while. He had a window open, because even the weather seemed to be nice. It was still quite cool, but still such a warm night.
When the phone rang he was confused for a moment, nobody ever seemed to call him up much aside from his mum, and he knew she had probably gone to bed long ago. When he saw that it was Louis, he put the book down quickly and answered it.
"Hey Louis, everything alright?" Harry asked, with a hint of concern in his voice.
Louis sniffled a little bit before answering. "No, not really to be honest," he said, trying to keep his tone relatively light despite the situation.
"What's wrong?" Harry asked, his concern and worry growing.
"My mum called. I think it's been a little bit now since," Louis started, careful with his words especially because they hurt so much to say. "My mum has cancer Harry. She's got terminal leukemia."
A painful silence filled the line again, tears still streamed down Louis' face.
"Oh Louis. I'm so sorry."
Harry wished in that moment that he could hug Louis. Hug him tighter than even the most heartbreaking of their hugs. All he wanted in the world at that moment was for Louis to be okay and yet, he could see that Louis' life and world appeared to have just shattered before him. Breaking into pieces far beyond repair. Louis knew, even through all the pain, that everything would be okay, time would continue and such, but he still hurt so badly.
The mild crying that had filled the line turned into sniffling and deep breathing. Harry knew that Louis would figure something out, he always did.
"Do you need me to fly home?" Harry asked, knowing full well this was not really the best idea. A lot of shooting still had to take place, and the boys barely seemed to know each other at this point, even if they were a lot better about contact ever since things got awkward.
"Harry I really do appreciate it," Louis sniffled, "But you're in the middle of shooting the film and there's not really anything we can do."
"Well I'm sure you'll figure something out, Louis, you're a very strong person. You and you're mum both."
Louis smiled a little. "Thank you Harry. I suppose I'll keep you posted?"
"Just let me know," Harry said.
"I will, bye Harry."
"Bye Louis."
Louis took a deep breath and tossed his phone lazily to the other side of his bed. It was nice to talk to Harry, but somehow that conversation had seemed so empty compared to so many of the other ones that they had had previously. He was not expecting them to be exactly the same, it felt like ten years had gone by in the last two, and Louis felt that he knew more and that the both of them were more mature than that. He also knew that something was missing. Both boys were once able to talk to one another for hours without getting bored, but even when there had been nothing else to say on the phone a moment ago Louis still longed for more. Their silences used to be comfortable and familiar but now they felt awkward and out of place.
For one reason or another Louis began to cry more. It was mostly just sobs; warm tears streaming down his face, but truly he almost wanted to scream. He felt guilty, for crying over Harry, but the constant thought of his mother did not make a difference either.
Louis cried for quite a while. It felt like it had been hours of just crying. Time seemed to go by so slowly. Everything had just happened all at once. The wedding felt like months, even years ago. He cried so much that he was sure he would run out of tears. It did not feel like he even had a good reason to be crying anymore.
Eventually the crying did stop, but he was not comforted. While the tears ceased and Louis was left to nothing but sad sniffles, he still hurt incredibly. He felt empty, but guilt seemed to sit in the pit of his stomach like a large rock.
It was probably another couple of hours before Louis stopped staring off into space. It may have only been a couple of minutes. He honestly wasn't sure. The room was dark to the point he could barely make out anything in front of him.
Louis rubbed his eyes and it came across his mind that he should try to sleep. He wanted so badly to wake up from this weird nightmare. He laid down on the bed and tried to fall asleep.
Unfortunately, no matter how hard Louis tried he could not sleep. Every position was uncomfortable, his clothes and his covers felt wrong, and even though he was exhausted Louis felt wide awake.
Whenever he had fallen asleep he was not sure, but Louis awoke comfortably. It was quiet, only the sound of light breathing and a few songbirds as the sun shined gently through the window. The arms of another were pressed slightly into Louis' skin, hugging him close. Louis made to roll over, intending to sleep in a little longer in his new found comfort.
When he opened his eyes again, the room was much too bright and the cold feeling of his lonely room seemed to swallow him whole. Louis' head pounded, having slept awfully that night, and the empty feeling from the night before was stronger than ever.
Guilt swept over him once again as he remembered about the dream. It slipped from his mind completely before he could recall it, but deep down, Louis knew.
-
Louis scrolled on his phone for way longer than he had intended, but it was the only thing that didn't make him feel.
He sighed and turned his phone off, tossing it carelessly. It was early in the afternoon, and it dawned on Louis that he had intended to visit his mum. He glanced at the clock hung above the dresser, of which displayed 1:47.
After a short debate in his head, Louis sighed once more and got out of bed. He changed quickly into more suitable clothing, pocketed his phone and keys, and grabbed the jumper that had previously been thrown over the couch. Before long he was in the car once again, this time on his way to see his mum.
Although Louis wished he lived closer to her, he really did not live that far from his mum at all. As he put the car in park, he began to feel really anxious. There was no reason to, it was only his mum after all, but the anxiety persisted regardless. Louis took a deep breath and got out of the car.
The walk up to his mother's doorstep did not feel completely real. The whole way up to knocking on the grey door felt hazy, like an odd fever dream.
And then Louis' mum was there. He barely had walked in through the doorway and closed the door behind him when he found himself embracing her. He wished that he could never let go.
A lot of crying took place during the visit, and it definitely was much different that any other time Louis visited his mum. But in that odd way mothers do, Johannah managed to comfort him enough, and he ended up feeling better than he had been.
How the coming months were going to go were completely unknown, but they felt more bearable, and Louis figured he'd take it on face to face as he had done with everything else.
Door_frAme on Chapter 1 Wed 06 Mar 2024 02:46AM UTC
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