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Was it a quirk ? He didn't remember getting attacked by anyone …
Was it a dream ? He pinched himself and the small jolt to his nerves confirmed he was very much awake…
Was it just the work of a cruel god laughing at the young boy’s suffering ? From the month he’s had, that seemed most likely…
Hizashi had woken up this morning in a strange room. Well it actually wasn’t that strange. He had been here before, a long time ago. It seemed like an eternity ago at this point and he was sure he would never see it again. The room was dark; thick curtains on the windows kept out the sunrise that Hizashi was used to waking up to and the lack of color contributed to the void he found himself in. At first he thought maybe he had been kidnapped, wouldn’t really make sense, but there was absolutely no reason he would have been invited into Aizawa’s room.
He sat up on the bed and immediately felt something was off. He had just woken up but he could feel a headache forming already; in addition to the dull burning he felt in his eyes. He rubbed his eyes trying to get some brief relief but was met with more surprises - if you could even call it surprises, this wasn’t the same small shocking feeling as a pop quiz in math or finding out Lunch Rush made his favorite soup; no, this was terror inducing.
The hand that was in front of him, was starting to tremble as he felt his heart racing, it was thinner and his skin was pale and the hand was sore, covered in small scars and calluses. Hizashi’s hands are never like this. He wears gloves and outside of some classes, never fights in hand to hand combat. And the nails are missing his signature neon yellow polish and are roughly chewed, almost raw in some places. They sting, it hurts to close his hand.
Though it seems impossible on nearly every front, the evidence is damning. Needing to bite the final bullet he springs out of the bed to the bathroom. He may have only been here once or twice before, but he knows that Aizawa has a bathroom right across the hall. He hoped he was wrong though, he hoped with every fiber of his being and soul that when he turned on the light he would see his usual blonde bed head and grass green eyes.
But his wish and prayer goes unanswered as when he turns the light on he sees someone who never wanted to see him again. Aizawa’s hair is a little longer now, almost past his shoulders. His eyes are red, bloodshot probably from his quirk training yesterday. Hizashi stills when he sees what he is wearing. It’s an oversized t-shirt, the cotton is worn and comfortable, it’s light blue with a realistic sky pattern, it’s Oboro’s. As if he wasn’t already terrified at what could have even put him in this situation he is even more panic stricken at the reminder.
“Fuck.. t-this is so wrong.” He says to himself softly, feeling like he is violating Shouta on so many different levels. Hurting his friend more than he has already.
Hizashi, in Aizawa’s body, sits down on the edge of the tub to keep himself from collapsing as he can’t seem to catch his breath. He has never felt this way before, even at the incident, of course he was beyond devastated and his heart was racing and tears were flowing down his face, but due to his quirk he has never felt this pain in his chest. Like a suffocating weight as he tried to fill his lungs with air. Was Shouta’s body used to this feeling ? How many times has he felt like his own mind and body were choking him ?
It was a question Hizashi would not have liked to know the answer to. He knew his friend had struggled in the past, he was shy and insecure and his parents were not the most supportive of his choice to join the hero course, but there were some things he was not aware of. The hem of the oversized shirt had scrunched up and Hizashi was able to see something that Aizawa had clearly tried to keep hidden. Along the pale flesh of his thighs were a bundle of lines, some faded and thin, some healed but the scar was raised and thick, some were angry and red … painful and fresh.
Hizashi could feel his heart ache for his friend. He felt so guilty. He knew that he was struggling these last few weeks but Aizawa had made it clear that Hizashi was the last person he wanted to see. He had every right to be angry at him, and no matter what Aizawa said or did it would never be worse than what Hizashi knew he deserved.
Nemuri and Majestic tried to reassure him that it was an accident. It was a freak accident and that if he was to blame so was the whole squad. They tried to tell him that Shouta didn’t really hate him, and that the other boy just needed some space to process this on his own. But they didn’t see the way Shouta looked at him, the way his dark eyes looked at him with such betrayal. The same eyes looked back at him now and Hizashi felt a chill up his back.
He wanted to cry. Hizashi was a sensitive guy, he could be serious when it really counted but he was never really the type to keep all his feelings bottled up. His moms always taught him that it was not shameful to cry and he always felt better after a nice crying session.
Whether it was over a sad movie, a video of loved ones reuniting, or the death of one of his closest friends, Hizashi cried. But right now, in Aizawa’s body, the tears won't seem to fall. His eyes are sore and he feels his face heating up but nothing more. Are Aizawa’s eyes incapable of crying ? A devastating side effect of his quirk ? Hizashi quickly looked through the medicine cabinet for some eye drops to find some relief. Even after the saline liquid helped to rehydrate them he still couldn’t cry. He didn’t want to do anything to harm Aizawa’s body so he stopped trying to force it. Hizashi splashed some cool water on his face to try and calm down. A shower would really help to get his mind clear but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. His curiosity he’s had since he first met Aizawa, was clearly overwhelmed by the respect he had for his friend. In that moment though, something finally clicked - something so obvious but somehow slipped his mind in the midst of all of this.
If Hizashi was in Aizawa’s body… that means…
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Aizawa didn’t have much time to process whatever the hell had happened to him. An obnoxious alarm was blaring him awake, he only stared at the clearly different ceiling for less than ten seconds before two small children were barreling in the room and jumping on top of him.
“Zashi ! Zashi ! What’s for breakfast ?” they demanded as they pulled on Aizawa’s limbs, dragging him from the bed.
When the kids barged in the room Aizawa didn’t recognize them. He then realized that he couldn’t really see anything, it was all kind of blurry and out of focus. Despite the visual impairment Aizawa was still unsure who the kids were but it was clear they were calling for “Zashi” and the distinct absence of pain both in his eyes and his body made it clear that something was amiss. That coupled with waking up in a different room, and this ridiculous neon paint chipping on his nails … was this what he thought it was ?
He didn’t remember getting hit with a quirk any time recently, and god knows he hasn’t been around Yamada enough for it to have affected both of them even if he had been hit.
This wasn’t making any sense, but he didn’t really have time to process it as the children were screaming for Hizashi again.
“Shut up, where are your parents ? Make your own breakfast,” he snapped as his mind felt like it was racing with the situation unfolding. He didn’t mean to yell at innocent children and he definitely didn’t mean for Yamada’s quirk to activate and shake the cabinets.
Shit. He never realized how sensitive a voice quirk was, this was just making things more complicated. To top it off, now the children were starting to cry at his scary outburst. Their real big brother probably never raises his voice to them, shit.
“S-sorry” he whispered so softly, he would be surprised if it was even audible.
The slightly bigger one sniffled and replied, “you know Mommy is at work still and Maman is resting, she’s gonna be so mad if you woke her up with your quirk Zashiii,” she giggled a little, clearly taking joy in the boy’s inevitable demise.
He thought about going to Hizashi’s mom anyway, some adult must be able to help. Or they will just think he is crazy and trying to get attention, that is the Hizashi that Aizawa knows. He should just wait to get to school and he can ask one of the heroes there, they will know more than some civilians anyway.
Not seeing a way out of his current duties to tend to these children he squinted his way around the kitchen and grabbed two bowls from the counter and some cereal. “There, breakfast. I have to get ready for school.”
He got away as quickly as he could to get ready. He didn’t remember where Hizashi lived so he wasn’t sure how long his commute would have to be. Though he was in a bit of a rush he practically froze as soon as the bedroom door closed behind him. He was shaking as he slid to the floor.
This must be some sick joke from the universe. He never wanted to see Hizashi again and now he was in his stupid body somehow. As he sat there he was surprised at the breath control he was managing, his panic attacks usually involve more hyperventilating. Though he does feel something familiar, his eyes are burning. But they aren't dry as he can feel a wetness dripping from the lashes and onto his warming cheeks. He brings a hand up to rub them for some relief, he is crying. He is actually crying. He can’t remember the last time he cried like this. Not even when Oboro died after the incident was he able to cry. He had convinced himself it was a side effect of his quirk, that after several years of forcing them open and drying them out that he somehow damaged his natural tear production. But another part of him knew that it was not entirely true. Either way, he was crying now and damn it he couldn't make it stop.
After a few minutes it seemed to finally dry up and he could quickly get ready. He didn’t care to try and find something for Yamada’s “style” - if you could even call it that - so he just grabbed some sweatpants that were tossed on the floor and a sweatshirt that was hanging up. He was starting to get a headache, probably from straining his eyes. He did know that Hizashi wore glasses, his stupid orange ones were actually a prescription and he was praying that he had a less obnoxious pair around here somewhere.
After about a minute of tossing the room around he couldn't find anything and he didn’t have any more time to waste. He reluctantly grabbed the usual pair and instantly felt some relief as the world came into focus. As he adjusted he got a better look at the room. It was definitely Hizashi’s, though he actually hadn’t been here before. It was clear from the stupid band posters everywhere, and his desk that was cluttered with everything but school work, and his support items that were placed on his dresser. The two little megaphone gloves that are supposed to help him with aiming his quirk. Aizawa felt a knot forming in his stomach at the sight of them.
He knew it wasn’t Hizashi’s fault, he knew it was an accident. But every memory of that day was painful. He couldn’t bear to look at Hizashi without reliving the whole terrible experience. It was easier to just ignore him and let Hizashi actually live his life, Aizawa would just drag him down.
“What are you doing?” Shouta was pulled out his thoughts from the same small voices as earlier.
“Getting ready to leave for school,” he said as quietly as possible, still mindful of Hizashi’s unstable quirk. He wondered how long it had taken Hizashi to get control over it. Aizawa had his own struggles controlling his quirk but he couldn’t imagine the risk of killing someone every time you opened your mouth. That thought made him a little sick, Hizashi hadn’t killed anyone before the incident.
“Well duh, you have to drop me and Cami off today, rememberrrrr ?” the little girl whined and cut into Shouta’s spiraling thoughts again. He was starting to feel overwhelmed and he couldn't focus.
“What ? No, I have to get to school.” he pushed past the little girl and grabbed the backpack as he headed to the living room.
“You havee tooo. It’s Wednesday, Maman has work soon and Mommy isn’t home yet.”
Shouta never had to manage anyone but himself, aside from the occasional reminder of his disappointing career choice his house was usually very quiet. He figured Hizashi came from an equally annoying family, but he didn’t realize that he was the parent.
■━■━■━■
The journey to campus was just about as difficult as they both expected. Aizawa had lived quite far away, Hizashi never had to take the public bus before. He lived pretty close to U.A’s main campus, but he was always late because of his sisters. Shouta had thought he left the Yamada house with enough time but trying to wrangle two little kids proved more challenging than he expected, he really didn’t like kids all that much.
As soon as he got inside the main building, Aizawa was on the look out for Hizashi… or himself? This whole thing was still so weird and having the kids scream “Zashi ! Zashi ! Zashi !” for the last thirty minutes did not help matters much.
He and Yamada had the same schedule so all Aizawa had to do was get to class and then find out whatever idiotic move Hizashi did to get them in this situation. When he headed to the classroom, for a teeny tiny moment he fell into his usual routine. In the days since the incident, all Aizawa has needed was some fucking stability, needed for nothing else to change as he figured his shit out. He threw himself into his training and let everything else melt away, including Hizashi. But now he was thrown into the goddamn deep end and everything was upside down again. Though as he took the same path to class, he felt the tiniest bit of normalcy return.
That was until he overheard the rumbles of laughter and chatter on the other side of the class door. He sighed, opening the large door, no doubt expecting the same annoying extroverts to flock around Hizashi - him.
“Zashi ! Hiii !”, just as he expected. Aizawa couldn’t help the instinctive eye roll as they gathered around him.
“What’s the matter with Hizashi ? You don’t look … like yourself..” they were most likely commenting on his more subdued outfit and lack of styled hair.
“Nothing, just…tired..” not an entire lie, Aizawa was perpetually exhausted. He definitely didn’t see explaining the situation to the other students as particularly helpful. Shrugging them off as politely as Aizawa could manage to care, he sat in his seat. Oh, wait.
Hopefully not drawing too much attention he got up to sit in Yamada’s assigned seat. He wanted to put his head down, to maybe go back to sleep or just pretend that he was literally anywhere else on Earth right now and that this was still somehow all just an incredibly elaborate dream his brain concocted from weeks of insomnia.
No such luck, because just as the bell was ringing Hizashi burst through the door. Seeing as Aizawa is also frequently late to class, it didn’t draw too much attention. Or rather it wouldn’t have if he didn’t look absolutely ridiculous. Were those clips in his hair ? Seeing that he was actually wearing clothes had Aizawa clenching his fists and fighting back tears that he still couldn’t really control.
‘He knows. He must know. You cut right before bed last night… shit…stupid idiot.’ Aizawa mentally scolded himself for letting himself be found out. He had been doing so well too - well - not as bad, he just had a slip up last night and now it was going to be a huge thing. There was no way Yamada would let it go.
Hizashi saw Aizawa’s reaction and considering class was about to start he followed suit and made his way to Shouta’s desk.
The class seemed to drag on forever. Aizawa was not doing too well at paying attention to the lesson, he had been struggling with that recently but today he had an excuse. After calming himself down from the panic of having his secret exposed to the LAST PERSON he would have told about it, he tried to distract himself. He was thinking of all the possible ways this could have happened, or what they could need to do to reverse it. Maybe if he just used his quirk - or if Yamada used his quirk that would reverse the effects ? That was the best plan he could think of before getting the teachers involved. He knew they could probably help but he really really really didn’t want to talk to any of them. He had just gotten through with all the mandatory counseling sessions from the incident and he did not need them putting him back on some “ problem child ” list.
From his seat in the back, Hizashi could see Aizawa - himself. He noted how his hair was unstyled, surely a ding to the carefully curated persona he had been working so hard to maintain. He could see how Aizawa was fidgeting in class, looking downright uneasy. Hizashi couldn’t really blame him though, he didn’t expect Shouta to be over the moon being forced into the body of someone he practically hated.
Hizashi pulled on the sleeves of the shirt he was wearing, feeling anxious again. His chest tightening similar to how it was this morning, he just wanted to talk to Shouta. He had so much he needed to tell him, maybe this wasn’t the best circumstance but it might be the only chance he has.
Class finally ended, everyone else filtered out and headed to the lounge for break. It was just the two of them left. They hadn’t been in the same room together alone in weeks - well at least that they were both aware of. Hizashi might have watched some of Shouta’s late night training sessions, he couldn’t rest if he was worried that Shouta would fall from the rope with no one there to call for help. Luckily it never happened and he was never found out. As far as Aizawa knew, the last time they were together was one of the mandatory counseling sessions.
It might have been a few weeks ago at this point but Hizashi thought about it everyday. It was the day he apologized to Shouta. Cried out how sorry he was and how the whole thing was his fault. Of course the counselor tried to assure him that it wasn’t actually his fault, that no one was to blame. But he could see from the look on Shouta’s face that it was his fault. He will never forget the way his dark eyes glared at him - through him - judged him - hated him.
“Hey..” an unmistakably voice interrupted his thoughts, though it was so low. Barely above a whisper.
Those same eyes on him now. They might be green now, hidden behind orange tinted glasses, but they looked at him the same.
“Hey.”
■━■━■━■
“I-Im sorry,” Hizashi was apologizing before Aizawa could sit back down. It sounded a little weird in Shouta’s voice and going by the face he was making, Aizawa thought it sounded weird too.
“So, what did you do ?” taking Yamada’s apology as an admission of guilt for the situation they found themselves in.
“Um, I-I don’t know… I just woke up like this.”
“Obviously..” Aizawa sighed and crossed his arms on the desk.
“Have you run into any villains? Were you exposed to anything ?”
“Um.. not that I can think of … I haven’t been on patrol since…” Hizashi felt a massive lump in his throat and his stomach. Aizawa’s jaw clenched and he looked away.
“Yeah…me too,” he spoke up as the tension started to become unbearable in the room.
“Then what should we do ?” Hizashi asked, taking the risk of sounding stupid just to keep Aizawa talking.
“I don’t know…we should ask a teacher. That’s the most logical plan.” Hizashi nodded but he couldn’t help the little chuckle that he let out. Aizawa sneered, it felt weird hearing his own laugh, “what’s so funny ?”
“Oh nothing…it’s just … well there’s nothing very logical about this Shouta. If this was the work of a quirk you’re the only person who could fix it but I can’t control your power…just ironic is all.”
Aizawa rolled his eyes, but as much as he absolutely would not admit it, Hizashi was right. Still a teacher would be their best bet for the time being. They headed out of the classroom and to their homeroom teacher’s office. The whole way there Aizawa couldn’t help but feel anxious just having Hizashi near him. The guilt of avoiding him so long was gnawing at him, but so was the reason why he had been in the first place. The memories were painful and with Hizashi around they were front and center.
Even though waking up in his body was more than distressing, at least he didn’t have to talk to the guy. But here he was now, walking step in step with him, making a plan, and trying not to run away and hide. Hide from the guilt. Hide from the shame. Hide from the pain.
Yamada could see plain as day the way Shouta was growing more anxious. It was unnatural to see his own usually bright and cheerful eyes cast down in such sadness. To spare his friend any more pain, he stayed quiet. Content to let the soft echoing of his shoes against the floor being the only sign of his presence. They finally made it to the teachers’ lounge, Shouta had his hand out and hovering over the handle but he was apprehensive. The anxiety of the day getting to him in more ways than one and having to go to a teacher right now with more problems was on the ever growing list of things he really would rather not do. Reading his oldest friend like a book, Hizashi opened the door instead, though he didn’t realize until it was too late that he was in Aizawa’s body and therefore still putting Shouta in this agitating situation.
The teachers looked up from their computers at the disturbance, some even giving an audibly pity sigh at the sight of the student they knew to be struggling. Hizashi picked up on it and fought the urge to say something. He bit his tongue and filed this information away with the other things he was learning Shouta had been going through at this time.
“What do you need Mr. Aizawa ?” a familiar gruff voice spoke up from behind a dividing half wall. Hizashi smiled and pulled the actual Aizawa with him into the lounge to talk with their teacher. The man was not very friendly, having already deemed Shouta, Hizashi and - Oboro… as problem children.
“We were hoping you could help us with this ?” The two stood in front of the pro hero and some of the other teachers who gave confused looks as to what they were even referring to.
“Help you … talk to each other again ? You’ll have better luck with the counselor boys.” Aizawa rolled Hizashi’s eyes.
“Not that you sir, it seems we have been…umm… I am Shouta Aizawa not Hizashi Yamada." The teacher was now even more confused, body swapping quirks were not impossible but pretty rare, so he was skeptical to believe that was the case.
“Well typically I would just advise you to use your quirk Shouta,” he quickly corrected himself as he realized he was actually speaking to Hizashi, “but …um I don’t know if that would work.” The man was certainly puzzled as were some of the other teachers, especially when they clued them in that they were nearly positive they had not been hit by a quirk.
The bell rang and the teachers had to head out, the pair also left feeling even more hopeless for their situation. The only advice that could be mustered was for Hizashi to figure out how to use Aizawa’s quirk, or go to the nurse and hope this was something Recovery Girl could fix.
They were excused from their next classes, advised to either go to the nurse or work together. Aizawa felt sick, the anxiety was unbearable and in a twisted way the only thing keeping him from feeling even worse was that he was in Hizashi’s body whose abilities prevented some of the intense symptoms of his panic attacks. Though he had started to shed a few tears as they walked to the courtyard.
He had sat down on a bench, gathering his swimming thoughts. Hizashi sat beside him, still quiet. Maybe that was also unsettling to him, this whole day was weird and not normal but the worst of it all was Hizashi’s silence.
As if he was able to read his mind, Hizashi spoke up. “Hey..” it was soft and not really anything, but it was something and that was everything.
“Hey,” Aizawa replied.
“Um… I don’t know if this is a good or bad time… but I wanted you to have these. I … I know they are special, and it looks like we might not be switching back anytime soon.” Hizashi went on as he reached into his (Aizawa’s school bag).
“Here,” he handed over the familiar yellow glasses that had become part of Aizawa’s hero costume - his whole person ever since the accident .
He smiled softly, the cursed tears starting to well up in his eyes again as he reached out for them.
“Hey come on, don’t cry buddy.” Hizashi joked putting his hands on Aizawa’s shoulders just like he used to do when he saw his friend getting too upset over something.
Shouta couldn’t hold back his smile and even a small laugh at Hizashi’s antics. “Thank you.”
“Hey it's the least I could do, I know how important they are.” Aizawa felt things starting to fall more into place. The guilt he had left to build, the shame for abandoning his friend - it was starting to melt away like leftover winter snow on the first day of spring. Hizashi had always been a pain but he had missed him. If he craved normalcy so badly, Hizashi was part of that too. He was a reminder of the pain but also of everything else. Of all the joy, of all the happy memories, it was him.
“Not for the goggles, well that too, but …just… thank you Hizashi…for not leaving me too.”
“Damn Shouta now you’re gonna make me cry and your damn eyes don’t work right,” they both shared a laugh and a hug. They lingered in each other’s touch, feeling a warmth that had been missing for weeks. Like coming into a cabin after a hike through the snow, like a steamy sauna after an ice bath. It was all encompassing and they both felt their whole bodies relax at the sensations. All the stress of this morning, all the anxiety, some of the grief, the guilt, it was thawing and melting away like an ice cube in your hand.
When they pulled apart Aizawa was the first to notice the return of dull pain. The constant reminders of his shortcomings, but then in confirmation when he opened his eyes there was a distinct lack of an orange hue from obnoxious sunglasses.
“Hizashi ?” he called out, also taking note that his voice was his own.
“Shouta ?” his friend spoke with an inflection of apprehension.
“Is it fixed ?”
“How ?” Both were confused but did not want to dwell on doubting whatever miracle reversed their curse.
Shouta was satisfied to leave it that it was a time released thing and they simply just ran the clock down. But Hizashi had his own theories. He wouldn’t question it though because despite waking up in what he was sure was a nightmare, this ended up being one of the best days he had in weeks.
Aizawa might have given a logical reason behind the whole ordeal but he had other suspicions lingering. Either way he was just glad it was over. When he got home later that day it was easy to forget everything that happened. To chalk it up as just another nonsense day at U.A.
But when he went to get in the shower and saw a colorful assortment of band aids over his thighs … he started to cry.
After everything he thought he had lost; he still had his friend … and maybe things didn’t have to be so terrible anymore.