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Norton was getting used to being dead, even if the company wouldn’t be his first choice.
“Why do you think you’re still here?” asked Violetta as she stretched her mechanical legs across the floor. They were in the greenhouse, again. Norton couldn’t remember a lot about his living life, but he knew he met her here when he lived and she didn’t. Also, for some reason, this room called out to him. He felt restless in it, as if something was missing, but also peaceful, like his living self found solace here.
Norton sat on the ground next to her as he responded, “What do you mean?”
“Well, you have noticed others have died around here, right? Yet we’re the only ones who seem to be stuck in this building after dying. Or, for some reason, we can only see each other. Why do you think that is?”
Norton shifted uncomfortably. Violetta was sometimes really good at figuring out what questions he wouldn’t like, but that was sometimes. Most times, she just said things without realizing the emotional turmoil she was inciting. Or maybe she did, but since they were dead and had nothing to do, she may just not care. He would usually find this infuriating, but dying seemed to have mellowed out many of his emotions.
“I’m waiting for something,” was all he responded, not knowing much else himself. She hummed in understanding. “I think I’m here because nobody loved me,” she said nonchalantly. Norton tensed at that. He glanced at her, and she seemed sad but at ease, as if what she just shared was just somewhat upsetting instead of incredibly depressing. He didn’t want to ask. He wasn’t good at this sort of thing. However, sitting in silence as he tried to figure out something else was probably worse. “What makes you say that?”
She shrugged, although it came off sort of awkward because of her excess limbs. She fidgeted with her fingers as she explained, “I don’t remember. Each day I spend here, I forget details but remember emotions, and with time they sometimes become ambiguous thoughts. I had these feelings of betrayal. Of being used. I think I believed some people I knew loved me, but I figured out they didn’t near the end. I just have this desire to matter—to genuinely mean something to someone, and well, being invisible makes getting that pretty hard, wouldn’t you say?” She smiled weakly, knowing the irony might’ve been funny if it wasn’t so painful. A short silence followed before she added, “I find talking out loud helps me figure these weird emotions out, by the way. So if you ever need to, I’m here. S’not like I can go anywhere.” Norton huffed a short laugh to avoid responding.
They stayed on the floor in comfortable silence. Norton looked up at the stars and felt an ache inside him. This was so familiar, but he couldn’t remember why. All he knew was that the moment wasn’t quite right. It was like seeing a painting upside down or a rose with no thorns. Something was missing.
-
Time was weird after dying. Violetta learned this the hard way. One day, she decided to start counting every sunrise to develop a system. She believed it had been a few months since then, but she wasn’t sure; she lost count after the thirty-seventh day. It helped her gain a better understanding of time, though. From what she saw, it goes twice as slow. Every time she had thought it was dawn, it was twelve hours away. So, she practiced during her time alone (when no other ghosts seemed to be around and it wasn’t like anybody living could see her). Now, she liked to believe she had perfected the art.
Currently, she was trying to teach Norton such skill, but it wasn’t working out.
“Norton, it’s exactly the same, just, um, less. If you think it’s one time just count backwards,” she instructed from her spot in the dining room. They had closed the curtains and made Norton face the opposite side of the room. He groaned but followed her lead, “Is it… after noon?” Violetta checked the clock and shook her head even though he couldn’t see her. “Close, it’s ten A.M.” He turned to look at her after that, “How is that close?” Violetta noticed the frustration in his tone. Part of her found it amusing, but this gut feeling of fear grew in her. At this point, she had learned to identify it was something from the life she can’t remember. She tried to ignore it and to calm him down. “I mean, it kind of is. Isn’t afternoon after twelve? Ten is like a bit over two hours away from that. I think it was a pretty good guess. We should take a break, though. We’ve been at this for a while, and I only have so many stories of guests sneaking out of their rooms.”
Norton turned back around, “No. I don’t just give up. I’ll tell you something if you can’t think of anything.” Violetta wasn’t sure if that was a good idea, but it wasn’t like she could stop him from standing there and trying again so she might as well help. “Okay then. Go ahead.” He started tapping his fingers the way he did when he was thinking. She noticed this habit of his before he died and found interesting that it carried on. According to the clock, it took him two minutes to think of something.
“I think I never mattered to many people when I lived. You said that that might be what’s keeping you here and maybe, me too. That night, I felt this emptiness inside me. I wasn’t sure what it was, but you were right. The more time I spend here, the more these weird feelings form into vague thoughts I can’t place. It all feels so distant, like I read it in a book. Talking about it doesn't feel as personal as it should. Although, sometimes the emotions are so intense they burn." After a moment, he continued, "I don’t think it was that I thought I didn’t matter, though. I think I believed I mattered too much. Like I was fighting to survive and I had to look out for myself only. Something changed, though, but I don’t remember what it was. I just know that I miss it.” He paused, trying to remember more. After a moment, he continued, “I think it was a person. Someone who made me realize I could matter to someone like that. That I didn’t need to be alone.”
She hummed, putting all the pieces together. Hopefully, it came off as sympathy and not her realizing what’s been in front of her the entire time. She didn’t know what to do. She could tell him everything she saw when he lived and her soul lingered—all the longing and care he held for his stargazing companion—but it wouldn’t feel right. There must be a reason why he didn’t remember the way she didn’t remember her life. But what if that was what she was here for? Or what if she decided not to tell him and he later found out she knew? Or what if she did tell him and he didn’t want to know? Maybe she should ask him. Yeah, that sounded smart.
“I think I know who it is. Would you like me to tell you?”
Norton started to tap his fingers again. She looked at the clock while he considered the offer. Three minutes later, he responded, “No.” She sighed in relief. They left it at that for a moment, but then he continued talking, “I mean I want to know, but what difference does it make? Knowing who it was will probably just drive me insane. I’ll look for them and get tired of not being able to leave this place. I can tell I was rarely at peace alive, and it’s not like I am entirely peaceful now but it’s better, I guess.”
If only he knew that he’s around here, somewhere, she thought to herself, but still nodded in agreement. “Yeah, I may not have memories, but I can assure you, I was miserable. I mean, I still am, kind of, but not like before. Death can be great, who knew?”
Norton chuckled at that, and she thought about how rarely she saw him smile when he was alive. The only person in this building that made him laugh was the one who taught him what it feels like to matter. It got her thinking.
“Did you ever think we’d get along?” Norton sighed and considered her question for a bit before responding. “I don’t think so. I don’t know. When I got here and saw you, I felt indifferent.” Even if the comment wasn’t positive, it made her smile. At least he didn’t hate her. She shifted her position on her chair before sharing her side of the story. “When I saw you the very first time, you seemed rude, so I didn’t like you. Later, when we formally met, I really hoped we somehow got along. I mean, I’d been alone for months, probably, and you were the first and only who could see and hear me! I still haven’t figured that out yet, maybe you were already half dead or something. Anyway, I don’t think you liked me very much either. But, well, look at us! We may not be soulmates or anything, but I’d say we’re doing fine at keeping each other company in the afterlife.”
He stretched his arms as he spoke, “I guess we do. Has it been ten minutes?”
She glanced at the clock. “Nine, but considering seconds are a thing, I’d say you were spot on.” He turned around to check the time himself, and the smile on his face made her think that maybe taking a break was overrated.
-
As days passed, Norton got to know Violetta more and vice versa. He wasn’t sure if the layer of death made them less or more themselves, but he figured it didn’t matter. This was who they were now, and whoever they were when they lived was long gone. They theorized about it though. Based on their emotions and thoughts, they made guesses and shared with each other what they thought they were like. Violetta laughed when he suggested he might've been lazy.
When that wasn’t enough entertainment, they went around the manor seeing what they could bump into. Violetta was strict on privacy, and even pressured Norton by reminding him about his living-self’s desire for it. (Norton thought he might’ve just said that to keep her away, but he’ll never know for sure so he decided to listen to her). They never entered any of the guests’ quarters and exclusively visited the public areas. They made fun of some of their clothing choices—Really? That coat is too much, like, we get it, you’re rich—or overall commented on what they saw—That guy dressed in grays and blacks has got to be plotting something. She did most of the talking, but he still found himself enjoying it.
Norton knew he never thought he’d get close to her, but after spending all this time together, he’s surprised at how far they got. He tried to focus on his past, but he couldn’t find this emotion in his living days. All he could find was loneliness and anger. Whoever helped him when he was alive was special, but their relationship felt completely different to what he had with Violetta. The stranger grounded Norton in ways she couldn’t. Violetta made him laugh and was good company, but they didn’t entirely understand each other.
He spoke to her about the darkness of his past once. “I think I hurt people back when I lived. It's like I can sense them watching,” he said. She didn’t take it well. She didn’t hate him for it, but she knew with certainty that she’d suffered due to people like him. She said as much, “People like you never cared about others but themselves. The people I thought loved me were awful, and you could’ve been one of them.” Norton wanted to deny that, but he knew it was probably true.
Norton cared about her, but he wasn’t sure if he would’ve allowed himself to get to know her if they were both living. He did open himself to that mysterious person of his past, though. Someone he held so dear, he’d be willing to wait as long as it took for them to get here.
As faux memories returned to Norton, the more he missed this person of his past. He had been fine with waiting, but each hour that passed was a step closer to insanity. Little by little, he noticed his restlessness growing. Nothing felt right without them around, and he was being forced to live like they had never existed, to the point where he didn’t even remember their name.
He feared he might lose his mind soon, but the voice of his past assured him that they were worth it. As he laid on the greenhouse floor that night, he realized the stranger might’ve been a lover.
He turned to Violetta, wanting to share his discovery, but found her sleeping. They didn’t technically need sleep anymore, but doing it helped them keep a routine. It had been a long day of past-life speculations and criticizing the manor guests’ dinner preferences, after all, so Norton left her to it. He closed his eyes and tried to sleep as well but kept thinking of how his friend might react.
He paused. He called her friend. After giving it some thought, he knew it was right. Though unusual to him, that’s what they were. He eventually dozed off with a small smile on his face.
When he woke up, he turned to see if Violetta had as well, but found her spot empty. He roamed the manor and called her name, but she was nowhere to be seen. A part of him wanted to keep searching, but the gut feeling was there again, telling him the truth. He was sad that she was gone, yet he couldn’t help but be happy she was finally at peace.
-
Later that day, Norton found out that he was used to being alone when he lived. There was a certain comfort to it when it became his reality again, but it was hard to settle into it when he got used to having Violetta around. Norton missed her ideas, jokes, and the way she laughed easily. Her eyes would scrunch up and her hands would cover her smile. He was happy for her, really, but he could feel his past self screaming. Its anger clawed at his chest, but he chose to ignore it.
He roamed the entire manor, but couldn’t shake off the emptiness of someone missing. Whether that was Violetta, the stranger, or both, he wasn’t sure. He started by the greenhouse, and then headed to the dining room, then the foyer, and so on. The halls were mostly empty, and nothing was as fun to laugh at without her. Even though he was getting bored, he still avoided all the personal rooms. Besides those, the only other room they never visited was the infirmary. She didn’t like to see the blood and injuries. (A part of him insisted on pushing her away every time she said so. It yelled at him that this was his chance to get rid of her, but he knew it was his past self haunting him. He was trying to spend his ghost days differently).
Now, though, there wasn’t anything to stop him from visiting the ill of the manor.
He walked through the door and shrugged off the odd sensation of going through objects. It was a small room. His eyes inspected his surroundings, going from left to right. There was only a table with medical supplies followed by three hospital beds. Two were empty, and the one on the far right had a man with tanned skin and long brown hair. The stranger’s eyes were closed, and he seemed to be unconscious. Norton walked towards the man and a deep pain rose in his chest. It was similar to the feeling he got when watching the stars, but this time it wasn’t of absence. It was as if he had the final piece and he just needed to put it in the puzzle.
He instinctively placed his hands over those of the man before him, and it felt right. Norton barely remembered his own name, didn’t know who he was or what he stood for, but he knew for a fact that he was supposed to be next to him. The other barely managed to open his eyes. It took him a little to focus, but once his eyes landed on Norton’s, he smiled. Norton felt his chest full, like he was finally whole. Norton closed his eyes, and felt an overwhelming peace overcome him.
The following morning, three souls had left the manor.