Chapter Text
Benrey sat on the couch with their knees pulled up to their chin and with their eyes closed. Different shades of blue sweet voice slip out from between their lips with a small hum.
“What does it mean?”
A few bubbles of the sweet voice pop and Benrey opens their eyes to look at Gordons spot in front of the coffee table, that has a barely started puzzle laying a top of it.
Gordon isn’t looking at Benrey when he asks and instead glides a puzzle peice across to a different spot on the table.
Benrey stays silent for a few moments before realizing Gordon’s question is probably expecting an answer, but Benrey isn’t sure they have one. They were just doing the sweet voice as sort of.. well they don’t know just for fucks sake or something. It just felt right to Benrey.
“Uhhh. I don’t know, I just did it I guess.”
“… and?” Gordon replied, confusing Benrey further.
What did Gordon want? Benrey liked having conversations with him but it was just so much harder then having a conversation with Tommy. Tommy just said what they meant instead of whatever the fuck Gordon’s doing.
Gordon sighs when Benrey still hasn’t replied and clicks two puzzle pieces into one another.
“Okay.” He says, with what Benrey guesses is disappointment in his voice but it could be anger, or just a statement of fact. Probably not the last though?
Benrey feels guilty for not being able to give Gordon the conversation he was wanting,
if that’s what he was wanting.
Sweet voice slips out into a long line of bubbles reaching up towards the ceiling, the bubbles are white with swirls of black within them like watercolor swishing and mixing.
Gordon looks up from his puzzle and at the sweet voice, his eyebrows change and Benrey copies the facial expression as if it would help them figure out what it meant.
Gordon huffs and Benrey almost copies that too but stops themself so Gordon won’t think they’re mocking him.
“Can you at least try to explain what it means?”
“I did.”
“.. you didn’t explain anything?”
“But I tried?” “Did you?”
“Yeah. did so, yuh huh n stuff”
Gordon didn’t reply to that and looks back down at his puzzle.
“How does it work?” He says while clicking some more pieces together. Benrey sighs at this and starts to feel annoyed themselves at the question, They hated the way the scientists back at Black Mesa would ask the same questions over and over again, as if trying to get them to change their answer. Benrey shifts a little in their spot on the couch at the memory.
“I don’t really.. like.. uhhhhh know? It just- it’s just like uhm colors, you know?? But they’re uh emotions too. I guess?”
Gordon stared at his puzzle longer before gliding another piece or two across the table with a light sound of scraping from the motion.
“So.. you just do it every time you feel emotions? That doesn’t sound- or wait do you mean just when you want other people to know your emotions?” Gordon looks up at Benrey to ask the question, Benrey looks away and replies best they can.
“Uh. Nah. It’s uhh.. it’s not really like uh for other people.” Gordon looks back down at the puzzle.
“I thought the whole point was to tell people stuff. Like when Tommy would translate it was always like to say you were okay or not mean or whatever.”
“Uhhh..I don’t know what to tell you man it’s usually just for me”
“Why would you need to tell yourself what emotions you’re having?”
Gordon doesn’t get it. To be fair neither did Benrey all the way. They just knew it made things easier to process, even if it was just for simple things like relaxing. Benrey hated being analyzed like this, they wanted to let out more sweet voice but Gordon would just ask more questions.
Gordon looks up from the puzzle and Benrey feels his eyes drilling into them, making them feel kind of uncomfortable.
“Are you going to reply?” Benrey still doesn’t, if they opened their mouth sweet voice bubbles of color and emotion would probably fill the room. Gordon sighs in annoyance and rubs his temples.
“ ‘Cmon Benrey, use your words. “
Benreys claws dig into their palms. They hate that. They hated when scientists would say it and they hate that Gordon is saying it. They hate that they’re just now remembering that Gordon is a scientist. Even worse a scientist who worked at Black Mesa. Benreys guilt is quickly turned into frustration, why the hell should they be answering Gordon’s questions anyway.
Benrey doesn’t owe anyone an explanation for their existence.
they can feel their teeth start to ache shifting in size, getting sharper and poking at their gums. Benrey takes off their beanie and bites down on it knowing Gordon is probably giving them another look they wouldn’t be able to decipher anyways.
“What’re you doing?”
Benrey stops biting down on the beanie to reply to Gordon but they haven’t thought about what they were gonna reply with
“I don’t- guhhh bbbb I just uh changes. changing cuz uhhhh cuz I don’t wanna talk to you”
“What?? Wait why don’t you want to talk what the fuck did I do-“
“Stop asking questions”
Gordon seems to notice as Benrey talks that their teeth are larger and sharper
“Did your teeth-“ “yes!”
Gordon is silent for a few seconds and benrey bites back down onto their beanie
“How does the shapeshifting thing even work”
Benrey replies muffled and irritated
“I don’t fuckin know” Gordon’s reply is immediate “How do you not know?”
They just dont know and they’re tired of this
“‘s really not the time Feetman”
“So tell me what’s wrong!”
“Controller disconnect player two left try again later”
“Stop being childish”
“Stop being a scientist”
“St- what??” Gordon sounding genuinely confused how or if it was supposed to be an insult.
“You’re fucking asking questions and shit, I fucking gave you the best answers I got but you keep uhh keep poking and using ur magnifying glass like Surely lock homes and what son or whatever the fucking British detectives are.”
“.. what the fuck are you talking about”
“I need you to stop acting like I’m one of your nerdy puzzles that you gotta solve”
Gordon looks down at his puzzle and back up at Benrey. He thinks of a few things to say but he can’t decide and so Benrey just stands up and walks out. Gordon looks back down at his puzzle, he had thought he was getting somewhere with it but now he feels like he didn’t make as much progress as he originally thought.