Chapter Text
After
February 14th, 1990
It is very cold in the early morning light.
It is very cold and he is running .
He’d forgotten his legs could move as fast as they are.
It must only be five, six o’clock, but he’s screaming, begging for someone to help him.
He hopes he’s screaming.
In the meantime, he can’t stop running.
The street names and houses are all unfamiliar. He is bolting through a never-ending residential neighborhood.
He realizes he could be anywhere in the whole country because he doesn’t remember anything after being tossed in the back of his captor’s van.
His feet hurt. He hasn’t touched the ground outside in years. Nothing but the smooth, cool surface of that basement floor. The cold ground practically burns his soles but he cannot think about that.
He cannot think about glancing back either. If that man is following him, if he’s trying to recapture him, he’s none the wiser, but one thing is certain:
He refuses to go back to that place alive.
Nearby, someone’s garage door starts to open. Without thinking or waiting, he ducks under it.
Before
October 12th, 1986
Every morning at 7:00 AM on the dot, regardless of day of the week or holiday or even reminding her she doesn’t need to on the weekend, Mrs. Yang from two doors down will ring the doorbell, sending off a frenzy of flickering lights in his bedroom, bathroom, and living room.
At first, he’d asked her to ring the bell on her way out for her morning run, just until his alarm clock got shipped from his parents’ house after moving here for his second half of college. But it’s been a year and she still does, so he’s up and at ‘em at 7:00 every morning regardless. He rolls out of bed, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. The copper orange carpet below his socks generates enough electric charge to shock his hand when he touches the bathroom doorknob. It’s his least favorite part of this apartment, but the landlord, a man who’d once lived here with his late wife back when such carpeting was in fashion, has no desire to change it.
And there he is in the oval, faded gold mirror above the sink. It’s funny his name is derived from the word ‘pity’ – it’s all anyone has ever given him, but it’s one word he’d never use for himself.
As a deaf gay man, Xie Lian has been told his parents must be severely unlucky. Personally, he’s never felt the same. Sure, things were tough growing up, but it wasn’t all bad. Struggling to pick up two languages would’ve been even harder if he was born deaf, but he still had some traces of his hearing until he was five or six years old, allowing him some fluidity in Chinese and even English before the world went quiet. His parents, while being incredibly wealthy back in China, were middle class at best upon immigrating to California. They spent a small fortune on hearing aids when he was in elementary school, but by the time he was ten, these were abandoned as they did little to help him past the fourth grade. They got him the best help they could, bought the TeleCaption 3000 the year it came out and every single VHS tape with closed captioning they found, and even a TTY machine, but missed out on possibly the most important step: learning sign language.
His mother only knows a few important, emergency signs, but she says she prefers to hear her son’s voice. Maybe that makes things easier for her , but reading lips constantly is exhausting.
It’s why, two years into being sent his college course materials at home, he decided it was time to step out on his own and find more people like him. He can blame his mother for that desire too, after spending all of middle and high school at a school for the deaf. He loved it there, but it brought her shame. She kept him in a school for the hearing until he failed his first class. Finally, she relented, and it was the best thing for him. Still, it was only a small corner of the world. He wanted to experience even more. He wanted a boyfriend.
OK, that last part was a bit ambitious. It was hard enough for hearing men to find boyfriends, let alone deaf men. The dating pool with other deaf and queer men wasn’t very large as it was. Some were total creeps, others just weren’t what he was looking for, and he didn’t want to settle just because he was lonely. Hearing men weren’t very interested in him. It tended to be a lose-lose scenario.
Until recently, at least.
As he exits the bathroom, he catches sight of a biker jacket he’d borrowed from Hua Cheng, a friend of his who lives by the school, who he isn’t ashamed to admit he has feelings for. Where those feelings will go, who knows, but it feels nice to fall for someone.
Hua Cheng works at a mechanic shop and specializes in bikes and old cars. He’s deaf in one ear and hard of hearing in the other, only wearing a clunky silver hearing aid when at work. The rest of the time, he says, he’d rather tune out the bullshit of the world. He plays music in the shop loud enough for the bass to thrum through Xie Lian’s feet and rattle his skull. The Harley he drives around town has an incredibly satisfying rumble. And best of all, he always manages to find the best closed caption VHS tapes at the video store. That was actually how they first started hanging out.
Recently, though, while walking on a pier, Hua Cheng asked him out. It was just to a diner by the college, but it was a date nonetheless. That was last week, and they’ve talked on TTY every night since. This afternoon, they’re meeting up to watch a football game together.
Xie Lian does not care for football, but Hua Cheng says he placed a bet on the game and has to watch. He’s coming over around noon and they’re going to cook together and pretend to care – but really, it’ll give them an excuse to sit close together on the couch and talk for hours. For them, this means signing; something Xie Lian doesn’t get to do as much as he’d like.
In fact, that’s how they met. Xie Lian was walking to school with a friend and trying to teach them a few signs. Shi Qingxuan, bless their heart, wasn’t catching on very fast. So, to better help them understand, he paused on the sidewalk and repeated the sign a few times.
Unbeknownst to him, he’d stopped in front of a mechanic shop. The garage was open, and the young man inside was watching them curiously. Suddenly, he was standing at the door and signed to Xie Lian, “Do you need help? Or are you just showing your friend the sign for help?”
He was taken aback in more ways than one. Not only was this man fluent in sign, he was also easily the hottest guy Xie Lian had ever, ever seen. And so he stood there, stupefied and red faced, while Shi Qingxuan talked to the stranger.
But Hua Cheng didn’t leave him out of the conversation. He gave Xie Lian a wink and told him, “Your friend says these lessons are hopeless, but they love you too much to give up.”
Eventually, Xie Lian came back to earth. “You sign well.”
“I have to.” He tapped the silver hearing aid on his left ear.
Xie Lian thought there was no possible way he’d find such an ideal partner and he didn’t even know his name yet. He just knew that this man was the One, love at first sight, etc etc. And he could not stop blushing.
Anyway, that was two months ago, so he’s gotten the blushing under better control. At least now he’s not doing it constantly, but it’s still hard to avoid sometimes, as are his intense feelings for the man. This is evident by the way his heart jumps when the doorbell flashes – he’s as excited as some might be winning the lottery, because to Xie Lian, he has.
As excited as he is to see Hua Cheng, he still takes his time going to the door. Still, he can’t help but smile when he sees him in the doorway, and thinks, He’s so hot.
“Hey.”
“Hi.” Xie Lian can feel his face flushing already. “Come in?”
“Sure,” Hua Cheng walks in with the confidence Xie Lian can only wish he could possess. Xie Lian is still standing by the door as Hua Cheng sinks onto the couch. “What’s on?”
He’s so tall , Xie Lian observes him from afar. The couch looks child-sized. Xie Lian eyes the TV. “ Golden Girls , looks like.”
“Huh. I love that show.”
“You do?”
“Yep. You ready to start cooking?”
Hua Cheng knows his way around the kitchen. He says he used to work at his aunt’s restaurant for most of high school. He’s younger than Xie Lian by a few years, so that was only about three years ago.
“Was the food there any good?” Xie Lian leaned back against the nearest counter, watching Hua Cheng pour a variety of minced vegetables into the pot.
He turned to Xie Lian. “If I was behind the stove, it was good. On my days off, it was awful. Probably why it closed down last year.”
He grins.
“My mom can’t cook either. That was Dad’s job.”
“Well…” Hua Cheng nods towards the collection of burnt pots in the sink, “You took after your mom, then.”
“San Lang…” He nudges him. It is true, though. Most nights, he either grabs carryout or microwaves whatever he can. That’s one of the reasons he loves it when Hua Cheng comes over; it ensures a good meal.
.
The closed captions have a decent delay. As it would turn out, the game is rather confusing. Hua Cheng resorts to writing down important terminology in lieu of fingerspelling. Xie Lian tries to remember everything he’s being told, but his head is spinning. What’s the difference between a quarterback and a cornerback, and who cares when Hua Cheng is so good looking, anyway? Halfway through, Hua Cheng tells him he already lost his bet and asks if Xie Lian would rather do something else. It was a good interruption, perfectly timed, because Xie Lian was getting himself worked up thinking about what it might feel like to kiss Hua Cheng. He’s never kissed anyone before or had the desire to. Now it’s all he can think about.
Xie Lian pulls out his collection of board games. Hua Cheng chooses Clue . Fifteen minutes in, Xie Lian has a feeling Miss Scarlet did it in the lounge with a candlestick, but he can’t be sure until he checks the billiard room.
“Hey.”
Xie Lian looks up.
“Are you busy tomorrow?”
“School. Classes in the morning, then I have a meeting in the afternoon. Why?”
“Some other time. I’d like to meet up again.”
“Me too.” Xie Lian smiles at him. He wishes he had the courage to ask Hua Cheng to stay over sometime…
Hua Cheng meets his eyes. “I have a race on Friday night.”
“You race?”
“Yup, just bikes. Not completely legal, but safe enough. Everyone’s betting against me. I’d love for you to be there to watch me win.”
While the idea of Hua Cheng speeding a hundred miles an hour down a track isn’t exactly comforting, he definitely wants to support him however he can. “OK. What time should I–”
“I’ll pick you up. Around 6, 6:30?”
“Sounds good. What should I wear?”
Hua Cheng looks around the living room, his eye catching his own leather jacket on the coatrack. “That.”
Xie Lian dips his head.
“I’ll take you to dinner after, if that’s OK with you.”
“If you win that race, you can take me anywhere in the world.”
***
October 17th, 1986
Mrs. Yang didn’t ring the bell this morning. She left a note yesterday that she’d be out of town for the weekend. Next month, she plans on moving to LA with her son, to help take care of her twin granddaughters after they’re born. It might be nice not to wake up at 7AM.
Xie Lian is still up early-ish anyway. Fridays are work days, and work isn’t always easy to find for people like him. Fortunately, he got a part-time job sorting mail on campus last year. It’s tedious and makes his eyes hurt, but it pays enough to cover necessities, and the other employees mostly keep to themselves.
On the way out of his apartment building – Hua Cheng calls it a glorified motel – he checks the mail and immediately sighs at the fancy penmanship on the only envelope. From the handwriting alone, it’s clear it’s from his mother.
You could come visit me, you know , he’d once told her. I’m only an hour by car.
But he stopped reminding her of that. She hated that he lived alone. She didn’t say the quiet part out loud: that she didn’t think he could handle living alone as a deaf person. Instead, she’d remind him of how unsafe it was living in the city. He could get mugged or kidnapped or worse. Anything could happen, A-Lian , she’d said through quivering lips.
Yet it’s been a year and he’s still alive, so he must be doing something right.
He reads her letter while waiting for the bus.
She says she’s coming to town in a month – November 14th, to be exact – and yes, she knows she could wait until Thanksgiving break, but his father’s working that weekend, so they chose the week before. They’d like to stay with him for a few days and hope he comes home for winter break – there’s a girl they’d like him to meet.
Gag me with a spoon , he stares up at the cloudy sky. When will they take the hint?
Sure, he hasn’t come out to them yet, but come on. He’s never shown an interest in women. He had an intense obsession with the fox from Disney’s version of Robinhood as a kid, and as a teen there were no hotter men than Christopher Reeve (“I just really love Superman, Mom,” he’d said to justify the poster over his bed) and Bruce Lee (“I think it would be cool to learn martial arts like him,” he’d given as the reason his films were on nearly constantly in his room and his poster hung on the ceiling ).
If she knew, she’d probably be devastated. The only thing worse than a deaf son, her only child, was a gay one. She worries about him enough as it is; if she knew he was gay, she’d think to put him in a bubble to avoid AIDS, which was synonymous with being gay in her mind. Being near a gay man was enough to catch it, she’d cautioned. If that was true, she would’ve caught it the day he was born, probably.
Hua Cheng had a friend with AIDS. He used to work at a little cafe near the mechanic shop, then one day he just stopped coming in. His obituary was in the paper a few months later and Hua Cheng found out the details from a coworker.
“That’s how I knew it wasn’t contagious like that, before all the research started coming out,” Hua Cheng told him early on. “Because he served hundreds of drinks a week. Now hearing what people say about it is even worse, just knowing what I do. Seeing what I’ve seen.”
For a twenty-one year old, he has wisdom and experiences far beyond his years.
.
Campus is busy this morning. It looks like a bunch of local high schoolers are touring. He brushes through the crowd; he’s almost late.
“Whoa~” His arm is caught before he can stumble after bumping into part of the crowd. He’s turned towards the person. “You’ve got to be careful, there.” It’s Professor Jun – he teaches psychology and philosophy. Xie Lian had him for his philosophy class last semester, and this semester he somehow ended up in his intro to psychology class. Even outside of class times, it seems like they keep bumping into each other.
Xie Lian puts his hands together and bows slightly, then turns away.
“What, am I getting the silent treatment?” Professor Jun doesn't let go right away. “Where are you headed?”
He offers the sign for work and then scurries away. He’ll apologize properly later.
.
"And so these men, these ordinary members of society, were able to completely keep the authorities off their tails. They could, and continue to blend in with the rest of us. How is it possible? Aren't there tell-tale signs? Didn't someone see something?"
Xie Lian sits at the front of the class, watching Professor Jun intently. If he looks away at all, he won't be able to read his lips. Sure, the lecture notes help, but this man tends to ramble a bit on topics he's particularly passionate about. Today's subject? Serial killers. He's spent twenty minutes ranting about Ted Bundy.
"There are those who suspected he, like other serial killers, had antisocial personality disorder. A diagnosis, though, is easier said than done. People with this disorder, they're known to say exactly what people want to hear. Their true thoughts and feelings are often unclear. They know how to blend in better than most people, I'd wager. So how could they not get away with their crimes?"
Xie Lian starts doodling a sketch of Hua Cheng at the corner of his composition book. He wonders where he is right now. If he ever wanted to go to school. What he'd think of this zealous professor. If he's thinking of him right now...
***
A girl in the philosophy program volunteered to pierce his ears for him last semester. To pierce one would be too obvious if he’d like to stay closeted, so he had her pierce both. It felt like he bled forever after. The ice did nothing to numb the pain.
But once they were pierced, she put in the coral bead earrings Xie Lian had brought with him to college – they once were his grandmother’s, and they are his most precious belongings.
Tonight, he wears them in support of Hua Cheng. Red is his signature color, after all.
(And he has always found them lucky)
He wears a plain red t-shirt and his best jeans, pulling the biker jacket atop it. His hair, almost shoulder-length now, is pinned back out of his face so that the earrings are visible, and he wears way too many bracelets. Rubber bracelets passed around on campus and paracord bracelets and spiral bracelets and who knows what else.
When the lights flicker on the wall, he knows Hua Cheng is here and his heart flutters with something between anxiety and excitement.
Except when he opens the door, it’s not him. In fact, it’s no one at all. People used to ding dong ditch his parents’ house in the past, but this is a first for his apartment. It’s especially odd because there aren’t really any children in this complex. He looks both ways across the hall – nothing.
But there is something on the floor. A small piece of paper. He pokes it with his foot.
It’s a simple stick figure with an odd face expression:
A half smile, half frown. Weird.
Hua Cheng arrives about ten minutes later. When he rings the bell, he rings it twice, and Xie Lian remembers that that’s how he rang the bell last time, too. Mental note.
Hua Cheng is holding the note when Xie Lian opens the door. “What’s this?”
Xie Lian admittedly startles at the sight of the damn note. “Throw that away,” He pulls Hua Cheng to the kitchen. “It’s creepy.”
“Did you see who left this?”
“I didn’t see anything.” He watches Hua Cheng throw the note away and loosens his shoulders. “Sorry. It’s good to see you.”
Hua Cheng touches his cheek. “It’s good to see you too,” He says. His gaze is fond enough to send tingles straight through him. “You ready? You look cute.”
“San Lang…”
“What? It’s true.” He wraps an arm around Xie Lian and leads him to the door. “We’ll take my car. My bike’s already there.”
The car in question is a 1969 Pontiac Firebird, bright red and shimmering like it’s fresh out of the carwash. Xie Lian puts a hand on his hip. “Where’d you get this?”
“My brother and I bought it together a few years back. It was beat up in a crash and we restored it. I look after it while he’s deployed.” He gives the hood a pat. “Way more work than it’s worth. Expensive.”
“It’s pretty.”
Hua Cheng laughs. “It’s supposed to look cool. But pretty’s OK, I guess.” He opens the passenger door for Xie Lian.
Once he’s seated, he looks up at the ceiling. “Is this a convertible?”
There’s a glint of mischief in Hua Cheng’s eyes. “Sure is. I can put the top down once we’re out of town.”
Xie Lian clutches his knees. He has a crazy idea, but he won’t propose it yet.
The city looks different as the sun goes down. Xie Lian rarely goes out at night, and if he does it’s just to campus and back – nothing out of walking distance. Since he has to rely so heavily on his vision, it’s not the safest to wander alone at night, and it’s not like he has a car or, prior to now, knew anyone with one.
But this is nice. It feels safe and the sky is a pretty orange. It makes him think of Halloween. Not his favorite holiday by a long-shot, but a friend loaned him both Poltergeist films, and maybe if he invites Hua Cheng over to watch with him it’ll give him an excuse to hold onto him during the scary scenes –
God, he’s shameless.
Soon, they’re out of the city, but Hua Cheng avoids the freeway and sticks to the backroads instead. The bass of whatever music he’s listening to thrums against Xie Lian’s legs.
Then, after coming to a stop on an empty road, he brings the top down of the car and says, “You can sit on top of the bench back there. It’s fun.”
“Are you sure…?”
“I’ll keep you safe.”
Slowly, Xie Lian climbs into the back seat. He sits atop the bench as instructed, but clings to the leather just to be safe. As Hua Cheng drives forward, the wind starts to toss Xie Lian’s hair. It feels good. When he speeds up, it feels even better.
The fields around them are still covered in the remnants of this year’s harvest and the air smells sweet and fresh, increasingly so the further they get from the city. It’s beautiful out here – in the distance, he can see the sunset over the ocean, and to his right and straight ahead lie the tall, foreboding mountains. It is nightfall and he isn’t scared.
When he’s with Hua Cheng, he’s not afraid of anything.
He tips his head back, arms reaching out wide to catch the air.
He doesn’t know that Hua Cheng takes a picture.
.
The race is held at an actual track, to Xie Lian’s surprise. Well, something like a track. It’s dirt instead of paved and there are no bleachers like one would expect, but there are people everywhere . Most brought their own chairs, but others sat in the dry grass on a hill. Nearby, there is a tall chain-link fence that overlooks the vast wilderness. Hua Cheng says it’s someone else’s property, but no one ever complains about the noise. He sits him at the top of the hill, a good distance from the others. There are spotlights illuminating where they walk, otherwise, he’d have no idea what Hua Cheng wants to tell him.
“Demolition Derbies happen here too, and they’re up first tonight.” He says and signs simultaneously. “And people get rowdy. I’m going to finish checking in, then I’ll join you until it’s closer to race time.”
Xie Lian takes his hand. “You’re not… you’re not going to do something like that, are you?”
He offers a wink. “Only if I start a losing streak. Otherwise, I’ll avoid that kind of thing.”
.
He’s racing against four others – three men and one woman who apparently never loses. She’s middle aged and a crowd favorite. That means, when Hua Cheng wins, nobody will be pleased about it.
He sees some betting going on, which will probably result in even more discontentment. He palms his pocket for the 20 he stuffed in there last minute and hurries down to the concession area. He sees people betting 100 dollar bills. This is a bit bigger than he thought. Still, when he gets to the front of the line, he places the bill down on the counter and says without hesitation, “I’m betting on Hua Cheng.”
He doesn’t have to be hearing to know people laugh at him, but the person behind the counter takes the bill anyway. “ If you say so, but… ” The rest of his words are garbled, but Xie Lian nods firmly.
He bumps into Hua Cheng on the way back up the hill. “I was looking for you,” He says, taking Xie Lian’s arm. “Were you betting on me?”
Xie Lian nods.
“You didn’t have to do that.”
“I don’t mind the extra pocket money when you win.”
Hua Cheng puts an arm around his shoulders. He laughs and says something, but Xie Lian doesn’t catch it.
.
When the race is set to begin, it’s clear that the female racer is more than a fan favorite – she’s something of an icon. Though it’s hard to see clearly from all the way up here, he notices that she’s particularly friendly to Hua Cheng, seemingly joking with him. She even pinches his cheek. He wonders how they know each other.
As the racers climb onto their bikes, Xie Lian crosses his fingers on both hands. Good luck, San Lang.
The race kicks off with two racers left in the dust, meaning Hua Cheng, the woman, and a third racer have quite the head start. Xie Lian keeps his fingers crossed the whole time and flinches as they cross the first few bends in the track, terrified that Hua Cheng will go flying. With each lap, it gets easier to watch. Soon, Hua Cheng has taken the lead. And it’s a good thing too, because he’s a far enough distance ahead to avoid having to dodge the mess that occurs when one of the racers skids out sideways. Those left dodging have to slow down and swerve out of the way, giving him an even further lead.
When he manages a quick glance at the rest of the crowd, they don’t seem very pleased at this development, but Xie Lian can’t stop himself from smiling. Go, go faster! You’ve got this, San Lang!
On the final lap, Hua Cheng and the woman are still neck and neck. But on the last curve, he manages to pull ahead, winning by a hair. The woman raises a fist in the air in celebration, much to the surprise of the crowd. And as soon as they come to a stop, she’s off her bike and celebrating alongside him, an arm around him. Xie Lian didn’t realize he was on his feet - he’d be the only one. But he doesn’t care! Hua Cheng won! He was fucking awesome and he fucking won!!
The next few minutes are a blur until he’s found Hua Cheng in the crowd. “San Lang!” He hugs him tight, just for a beat, then two, then pulls back. “You were incredible!”
The woman from earlier is just behind them. She says something affirmatively, patting Hua Cheng’s shoulder.
“Oh,” Hua Cheng steps aside so the woman can greet him. “I should make introductions. This is my mother.”
“S-San Lang~!” Xie Lian’s face goes red. He bows low to try and hide it, but this woman, Hua Cheng’s mother (and thanks a lot for not warning him, Hua Cheng!) gently takes his arms. Once he’s looking up, she signs, “Nice to meet you. You enjoy the race?”
He stares at her blankly, like a deer in headlights. Could she be any cooler?
She laughs. “My ex-husband had a genetic condition. I have two sons with hearing impairments. I had to do my best to learn or they’d all have an excuse to ignore me!”
Her signs are riddled with errors, but he appreciates the effort and enthusiasm she greets him with.
Finally, he composes himself. “You are very talented. At racing and sign, too.”
When she smiles, she looks just like her son. “I’m glad you came. I’m retiring, but I hope to see you again sometime. Maybe you can come to my son’s next race? We can sit together.”
Xie Lian nods. “I’d like that.”
She gives his hand a squeeze. “Alright, I’ll leave you two alone. Get him home safe, A-Cheng. Have fun until then.”
.
Xie Lian collects his winnings, an incredible $200 profit, and returns to the car while Hua Cheng loads up his bike in his mother’s truck. She stores it at her place since it’s more secure, a ways outside of the city.
It’s much colder now than it was earlier this evening. He’s glad to have Hua Cheng’s jacket around him, but it can’t stop the chill running through him. He feels like he’s being watched, even though most of the crowd has left. No one is around and it’s very, very dark once the lights go out.
Paranoid, he looks out the rearview at the forest behind him. How many animals are just beyond the treeline? People disappear in the woods all the time, eaten by wolves or mountain lions… and certainly there are serial killers too.
“I’m being ridiculous,” He tells himself, looking away. He’ll feel better once Hua Cheng is back. But damn, where is he?
Clank! Something rolls down the front windshield. He grips the seat tightly. He does not want to look behind him.
CLANK! Something even bigger hits the windshield. It looked almost like… a ball, or something similar? Without meaning to, he glances at the rearview again.
And there he sees it.
No, It .
Someone dressed in a complete clown costume, their smile painted well past their lips on a chalky white face, is standing just behind the car. They give a little wave, and then clank! another object rolls down the windshield. Xie Lian scrambles to lock the driver and passenger door, his breath tight in his throat. There’s no sense in running and no way to drive, so he just hunches down. They’re a fucking creep, that’s certain, but whether they’re dangerous or not is not something he’d like to find out.
Hurry San Lang, please hurry, please let this be some stupid Halloween prank…
Even though he’d mentally begged Hua Cheng to hurry, the moment he feels him touch his arm, he involuntarily screams. He screams again when Hua Cheng turns his face toward him, even after he’s turned the car on.
“Hey, hey! It’s me! What’s up? What happened?”
“Damn it! Drive, please drive!”
“OK,” Hua Cheng looks very worried, but he doesn’t protest or hesitate, and soon they’re speeding down the road. Xie Lian looks everywhere, but there’s no sign of the clown.
“Hey,” Hua Cheng gently touches his leg. “What happened?”
He tells him about the clown, about how the creep had thrown multiple things at the car. Hua Cheng tells him he didn’t see anything on or around the car.
.
When they get back to the city, Xie Lian realizes he’ll soon be alone. After the odd drawing at his door and the clown at the raceway, this is something he’d very much not like to be. So, when Hua Cheng pulls into the parking lot at the apartment complex, Xie Lian asks, “Will you come in?”
This is how he finds himself cuddled up to Hua Cheng half an hour later, under one blanket on the couch while watching late night TV. He tries to focus on the closed captions but every sense is drawn to Hua Cheng beside him. They’ve got a bowl of popcorn between them, but Xie Lian isn’t really hungry. He is, however, feeling much better, mostly after getting over the initial awkwardness of their position. It feels nice.
It feels great, actually, when Hua Cheng puts an arm around him. In his arms, he thinks he’s safe.
During
???, 1989
Safety is a lie. A goddamn fucking joke. He was never safe. He’ll never be safe, not as long as He ’s alive.
Today’s crossword puzzle in the Times is exceptionally difficult. Seven letter word for ‘an American right’.
He doesn’t know the date. That man cuts off the year and only gives Xie Lian the crosswords and comics.
Maybe tomorrow he’ll give him a real paper. He’d like to know how many people that earthquake killed. Yesterday, He said it was worse up the coast.
For a split second yesterday, when the earth trembled so violently, he almost figured out that seven letter word. If the upstairs collapsed, he could escape the basement he’s been imprisoned in for the past three years by a man who never shows his face.
But the house was spared. The basement is in mint condition.
So he doesn’t know that seven-letter word. He’s not sure he ever will.
He wonders when everyone on the outside realized that. When they stopped looking for him.