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Next to him, Warriors giggled as some guy across the room punched some other man in the face before the two of them were forcefully escorted out. Time just rolled his eyes and went back to drinking his water. The captain had drunk more than a few shots of something Time hadn’t really been paying attention to, but going by his flushed cheeks, his brother was certainly a bit drunk.
It was just the two of them at the bar tonight, and it was just Warriors drinking as Time didn’t, not after that one time during the War of Eras he’d gone and given himself alcohol poisoning. (He still blamed Tune, the damn pirate had told him it’d be a great idea, not quite understanding that Time had never drank anything before in his life and therefore had no alcohol tolerance.) Twilight had opted out of going with him and Warriors tonight which was unusual for him, the rancher loved his beer, but Time could respect that his descendant just wanted to catch up on sleep, and Sky could only tag along when the era’s drinking age allowed a nineteen year old up at the bar. None of the others ever came with him and the captain, Time didn’t care how many times Wind said, “It be normal fer pirates to drink!!”, the answer was always no.
They’d been sitting at the bar for about an hour, it was something of a tradition for them at this point to go out after the others had gone to bed whenever they reached a town and were allowed to stay in an inn. They weren’t sure whose era they were in yet, Time had spent a lot of the day asking around about a hero, but everyone had looked at him like he was a little crazy, so the current running theory was that this was an ‘in between’ era.
He sat on his stool, swirling the ice around in his water glass and watching them spin. Even though he refused to drink anything more than water or the occasional glass of milk, he still had a lot of fun getting to relax and unwind with whoever joined him and Warriors. He and the captain had had some great conversations with Twilight whenever the three of them went out.
“I think…” Warriors hiccuped, blinking hard and pulling Time from his thoughts. “I think I’m done.”
“You wanna go back or just stay here a while?” Time asked him softly, trying not to laugh at the way his brother was staring at him. He looked quite a bit zoned out and a small frown appeared on his face as he struggled to try to think about his answer.
“Um… I think…?” The captain trailed off before shaking his head rather roughly as if that would reorganize his thoughts. “Let’s go back, I’m tired. It’s bedtime for sure.”
Despite what he’d just said, Warriors turned back to the bartender like he was going to order another drink. Time very quickly shut him down, ordering his brother a water instead.
“What, are you trying to kill yourself?” He teased, spinning around in his chair so his back was leaning against the bar. “We have a lot of traveling to do tomorrow, you don’t want to be too hungover.”
Warriors laughed like it was the funniest thing Time had ever said to him before choking out, “Gods, no, ‘m not suicidal. Not anymore at least.”
His words made Time’s heart drop and his eyes widened in horror. The captain didn’t even notice, he was busy accepting his water from the bartender with a happy smile like he had not a care in the world.
“What… what do you mean ‘not anymore’?” Time asked slowly, eyes tracking his brother’s every move.
Warriors just sipped at his cold water, blinking at him.
“Hmm?”
“What do you mean ‘not anymore’?” He repeated, a little more firmly.
Time was scared, he was absolutely terrified by the implications of what his brother had just said, and he fought to keep his eyes from watering or his body from shaking with anxiety. He needed an answer and Warriors was a bit too drunk for this conversation to unfold the way he needed it to. It felt like taking advantage of Warriors’s inability to think rationally at the moment, but he was terrified for the captain’s safety and he needed answers.
“I was… used to be,” he slurred, waving his free hand around, “an’ now I’m not. I think? Yeah.”
Time forced himself to take in a deep breath before he paid the bartender and carefully guided Warriors back to the inn, taking care that he didn’t actually touch him, but reaching out a few times when he thought his brother was going to trip and land flat on his face. The captain wasn’t super chatty after the last thing he’d said, Time imagined he was beating himself up over letting that slip out. He hadn’t mentioned being suicidal, whether past or present, to Time at all before tonight and it had clearly been an accident.
Time tried not to feel hurt that his brother hadn’t trusted him with that information, he was more concerned by the fact that Warriors had ended his last sentence with “I think”. He wasn’t suicidal anymore, “I think”.
It was a bit of a struggle to convince Warriors to wash his eyeliner off instead of immediately going to bed. His brother was usually incredibly fussy over his skin care, but with the alcohol on top of the exhaustion, Time had had to physically pull him away before he could flop down on the bed and had ended up having to wash off the captain’s makeup himself before releasing him so Warriors could get changed for bed. His brother stumbled around in exhaustion, it had been a long enough day with enough fighting that Time was confident it wasn’t whatever he’d drank that had him practically falling over, though he was sure it wasn’t helping with his balance.
Eventually Warriors made his way over to the mattress and flopped down with a contented sigh, and he was asleep within seconds.
Time’s heart was pounding a mile a minute as he laid down for bed that night, next to his sprawled out brother. Sky was also rooming with them, and normally Time would be thinking about how funny it was that the other two seemed to be competing for who could take up the most bed space, but all he could focus on was Warrior’s unintentional confession. He found himself unable to sleep the entire night, combing through his memories of the war and trying to remember his brother’s behavior and if there had been any signs the captain had been displaying that he’d missed. Warriors had shown several symptoms of depression and suffered great trauma throughout the course of the war, but Time wouldn’t have called him suicidal, the captain was too determined to stop the war to think about taking his own life, but what if underneath all that his brother had been struggling? What if that was the one thing he’d been able to successfully hide from Time?
There had been plenty of times in his own life where Time had wished he was dead or didn’t have to live with the hero’s spirit, but he’d never considered cutting his own life short. He’d been miserable, sure, and there were times where if he’d died in battle he would’ve just accepted it, but Time had never considered taking action himself.
He cried for hours during the night, hand clamped tightly over his mouth to muffle the sound, at the idea that of all the people who could have taken his brother away from him, apparently Warriors himself was amongst their ranks. He needed to talk about this with Warriors as soon as he could, he needed to make sure the captain was safe. So he waited for Sky to wake up and leave, while pretending to be asleep, and the minute the sky knight had gotten dressed and left the room, he sat up and looked at his brother.
Warriors was still sprawled out, one arm resting above his head as he breathed deeply, fast asleep. He looked so untroubled, so peaceful and content, and Time hated to wake him up on one of the few days the captain allowed himself to sleep in, but this was a conversation they needed to have while they still had some space away from the others. If he didn’t bring this up right now they might not get another chance to talk alone in privacy for weeks, and this was important. He needed to make sure his brother was safe and that he wasn’t a threat to himself.
Recognizing that Warriors might have a headache after all he’d drank last night, Time got up and closed the curtains, filtering out a significant amount of light before he carefully shook his brother awake.
“Link,” he called softly, nudging the man’s arm. “Link, wake up, we need to talk.”
The captain groaned, keeping his eyes closed, and flopped around until he was face down on the bed. Time took a great risk and placed his hand on his brother’s upper back, shaking him. He didn’t want to scare him, but they didn’t have much time. Unfortunately, Warriors shot up in a panic, gasping as he whipped around and staring at Time with wide eyes full of fear. Time held his hands up so the captain could see them, and once Warriors registered that it was just Time in the room, his eyes narrowed into a glare.
“What the fuck was that for?” He grumbled, laying back against the pillows and closing his eyes. He rubbed the scar along his face as if it ached.
“I need to talk to you, it’s important,” Time said, sitting down at the foot of the bed.
“Can’t it wait until after breakfast?” Warriors groaned, flinging an arm over his face. Time bit his lip and closed his eye to help him keep his emotions in check, but he was unable to stop the tears from rolling down his cheeks. His brother must’ve been alerted by his silence because he heard him sit up before saying, “Oh gods, hey what’s wrong? Did something happen?”
Years ago his brother’s gentle, comforting tone would’ve cause him to snap, but instead he forced himself to take in a deep breath before asking, “Do you remember what you said to me last night?”
“I’m sure I said quite a lot, Sprite,” the captain joked, smiling at him, but Time could see his brother’s eyes were full of concern. “I had like five shots of vodka. I hope I didn’t say anything too horrible.”
“Do you remember what you said to me last night?” Time repeated, holding the captain’s gaze. He could see on his brother’s face that Warriors knew exactly what part of last night he was referring to, and he watched him weigh his options.
He must’ve realized this was a conversation he would not be getting out of because he decided to answer the question. “I don’t fully remember what it was that I said, but I’m not trying to kill myself, so please don’t worry about that.”
“Don’t worry about that?!” Time laughed hysterically. “Don’t fucking worry about that?? Captain, you told me you weren’t suicidal ‘anymore, you think’. You think!! Are you planning to kill yourself??”
“Hey, hey,” his brother said gently, grabbing Time by the shoulders. “Breathe, okay? I’m more than willing to have this conversation and explain, but you have to calm down first, okay?”
Time… hadn’t been expecting that, and he hadn’t been expecting to get so worked up so quickly either. This was not the way he wanted this conversation to go, he was supposed to be the one comforting the potentially suicidal captain, not the other way around. He followed Warriors exaggerated breathing until he’d calmed down enough to clear his throat and back away.
“I’m not suicidal and I’m not going to kill myself,” his brother started off with. Time searched his eyes desperately for any hint that the captain might just be lying to calm him down, but either he was a very convincing liar, or Warriors was telling him the honest truth. “I’m sorry for the way I phrased that last night. Please don’t worry about that, I’m so sorry, Sprite.”
Time’s breaths were still too shallow to be giving him enough air, and he felt a little lightheaded because of it so it made it harder for him to think about what he wanted to ask his brother.
“Did you… have… were you…” He stumbled over his words, trying hard to get out what he wanted to say. Warriors waited patiently while he took in a deep breath before trying again. “But you used to… want to kill yourself?”
“A while ago, yes.”
A fresh wave of tears rolled from his eyes and he buried his face in his hands with a sob he couldn’t hold back. He felt like a child again who was about to lose yet another parental figure. Even though his brother had assured him he no longer felt this way, the knowledge that he had in the past felt like a blow to the chest. Warriors shuffled closer to him on the bed so he could wrap Time up in his arms and hold him close. For some reason Time couldn’t help but think that if he’d been just a little bit more of a shit, or pranked the captain on the wrong morning, maybe his brother wouldn’t be here with him right now at all. The thought made him cry harder and he found himself holding onto Warriors like his life depended on it.
“I never went through with anything, I never actively tried to end my life,” his brother whispered. “I only thought about it. I… I don’t think that really makes it better but… just so you know, Mask.”
Time squeezed him a little tighter.
“There was one time… um… the assassins almost got me, I almost let them…” Warriors sniffed, and Time felt his brother’s tears dampen the shoulder of his tunic where the captain’s face was resting. “But… something… kicked in and I fought back. That was the year after the war ended. I haven’t thought about dying since.”
“Not in six years?” Time murmured, rubbing his brother’s back.
“Not once in six years,” Warriors confirmed. “I meant it when I said I’m okay. Well… okay when it comes to stuff like this. You know me, I’m still a bit of a mess in every other aspect of my life.”
He let out a wet laugh, giving the captain another squeeze before allowing him to back away so they could both wipe at their eyes.
“I’m sorry,” Time whispered, ducking his head. “This was… kind of a lot for this early in the morning.”
“Don’t be,” Warriors told him. “I would’ve probably done the same if you’d said something like that to me.” There was a pause before the captain’s eyes widened and he added, “You’re… you don’t…?”
He picked up what his brother was implying immediately and looked up to meet worried hazel eyes. “At one point I was… accepting of death, when I was nine the second time. I was just frustrated, and upset and wanted it all to be over, but I never thought about killing myself, and I wouldn’t dare consider it now. I’m happy with Malon, and traveling with you guys.”
The captain nodded. “I’m glad you’re happy, and that you have Malon.”
“Are you?” Time blurted out. “Happy, that is.”
Warriors blinked at him in shock for a second before his face softened into a smile. “I still have my bad days, that’s for sure, but I’m… I’m okay. I’m doing the best I can with what I have.”
He reached out and pulled Warriors close to him again, and his brother slumped into his chest with a tired sigh. One of Time’s hands reached up to cradle his brother’s head and the captain just allowed himself to be held, soaking in the comfort Time willingly provided.
“Can…” he coughed, clearing his throat before he continued, “can I ask you one more invasive question?”
“Yes, but if I don’t like it I’m not answering,” Warriors’s voice sounded from underneath Time’s chin.
“I wouldn’t expect you to answer anything you were uncomfortable with,” he agreed. He took in a deep breath to prepare himself before asking, “Have you… have you ever hurt yourself?”
Warriors was dead silent, his body tensed up in Time’s arms, and he had his answer. He was surprised when his brother gripped onto him with all his strength. He held onto the captain just as tightly, trying to keep his breathing steady. Warriors had lived a life full of pain and suffering and Time would do anything in his power to take that away from him so his brother could be happy, but that was impossible. The captain had lived and fought through so much, Time was just grateful he was still here.
He wasn’t prepared for Warrior’s soft voice to startle him out of his thoughts.
“It… it was only one time, it’s not like a reoccurring problem or anything and it happened like a decade ago.”
Time felt his heart freeze in his chest. He had a horrible sinking feeling that he knew exactly what his brother was going to say next. Warriors wiggled out of his hold and raised his left hand in a claw shape to the right side of his face, fingers perfectly landing at the tops of the four lines running from just under his eye to halfway down his neck. The four lines that made up the captain’s facial scar.
Memories rose to the surface of his mind, of that first year of the War of Eras and seeing the captain come back to their shared tent with a bandage wrapped over his eye. He’d been dead silent that night, he refused to answer any of Time’s questions and had gone straight to bed. He hadn’t been able to figure out what had happened to his brother’s face the entire war, and it disturbed him to look at. Not because he thought it to he ugly, but because of the angle and the fact that whoever left it clearly hadn’t tried to blind the captain. That had always made no sense to him, because who or what would scratch at the captain’s face and not aim to blind him?
After twenty two years, Time had his answer.
“I had… an awful mental breakdown one day…” Warriors laughed nervously, looking down at the space between the two of them. “Proxi um… she tried to stop me… but…”
“Can I hug you?” Time cut him off, trying his best to hold off his sobs for just long enough that he could pull Warriors close to him and press a kiss to his brother’s head.
He felt bad for having asked, but he supposed the captain wouldn’t have told him if he didn’t want him to know. His brother was trembling in his arms, and Time rocked them both slowly from side to side until both their tears stopped.
“Please don’t ask what… what caused this, I don’t want to talk about it,” Warriors whispered, starting to ramble. “I’m okay now, that’s all you need to know. It happened once and it won’t ever happen again, I keep my nails really short. I still have a tendency to um… scratch at myself if I’m really freaking out, but it's usually at my arms and I always have my bracers on so I literally can’t hurt myself. I’m okay just… please don’t ask.”
Time already knew what caused such a horrible mental breakdown that had his brother clawing at and scarring his own face. It wasn’t something his child self had picked up on during the war because the captain had done such a good job hiding it, but it was a horrible truth he’d realized years after the fact. Some awful things had been done to Warriors, both by the enemy and some he’d once considered friends. He wasn’t going to force his brother to talk about it, he didn’t even like to think about it himself because it filled him with so much pain and anger, rage on his brother’s behalf. A feeling of uselessness that he’d been there during that period of his brother’s life but been powerless to help.
“Your secrets are your own, I do not expect you to tell me anything you do not want to,” Time assured, resting his head on top of loose golden curls. “I’m sorry if you felt pressured to tell me this.”
“No, I…” Warriors coughed, “I wanted to. Proxi is the only other one who knows what happened… I trust you, Sprite. I’m just… I’m just scared other people would treat me differently if they knew the truth.”
Time knew how superficial those in his brother’s era could be, so he wasn’t going to speak on something he didn’t know about. “I don’t think any less of you. No one who loves you would.”
The captain let out a shaky sigh before pulling away. “Thanks.”
Time felt horrible for springing such a traumatic mental health talk on his brother at nine in the morning so he spent the rest of the day trying to make up for it. Of course nothing could erase the fact that it happened, and both of them were glad that it had, but it had certainly put Warriors in a bit of a down mood for the rest of the day. The two of them got dressed, and the captain groaned when they’d stepped into the bright bathroom. With the morning they’d had, Time had completely forgotten about how much his brother had had to drink, and he handed him a glass of water to hopefully help a bit with the headache.
Meeting up with the others had been a little rough, Time and Warriors’s eyes were still red from crying for so long, and the rest of the group eyed them both in concern, but thankfully they kept to themselves and didn’t ask. They ate a quick breakfast before heading off, hoping to either run into the black blooded monsters or reach another town by nightfall.
The captain had been too tired to put any of his usual makeup on (though not so tired that he didn’t fuss over his hair for a good ten minutes), leaving his scar in clear view. With the natural light of the great outdoors, it was much easier to see. While it was ten years old and had healed up well, Time knew the gouges had once been very deep. He didn’t want to think about how much force Warriors would’ve had to use to tear into his flesh that deeply.
After a full day of walking, blessedly free of monster attacks, they found themselves approaching another small town around dusk. It would be wonderful to get to sleep in a bed again for the second night in a row. Time let Warriors handle the room buying while he spent yet another ten minutes explaining to their resident pirate why he would not be allowed to go to the bar. After last night, Time didn’t even think he was going to go, Warriors would probably decline as well. Wind grumbled something about him having a higher alcohol tolerance than Time as he walked off, which was probably true, but didn’t mean Time was going to suddenly change his mind and let a thirteen year old drink. He respected the sailor’s strength and his status as one of the chosen heroes, but he would not be letting him do shots with Warriors. With the competitive spirits in those two, they wouldn’t stop until one of them died.
It was also just, generally irresponsible for him to allow a barely teenager to drink.
The rooms were very small and the inn only had singles left, so Warriors had rented out five, with everyone doubling up except for Four, who they all agreed on deserved a break from the loudness of the others. The smith had nearly burst into tears of gratitude when Warriors had handed him his own key. Four greatly valued his alone time, and Time understood completely. The group spent the remaining hours before midnight restocking, looking around at the shops, and chatting in Wild and Twilight’s room, cramming themselves into the small space in order to spend time with each other.
Eventually, it grew close to midnight, and since they’d have to be up and moving a lot the next day, Time had to tell everyone it was time for bed, and they all headed off to their rooms. He could barely hide his laughter as he watched Four skip off in joy to his very own room. He just knew the smith would be taking advantage of having his very own twin sized bed to sprawl out on.
Time was rooming with Warriors again, but this time it was just the two of them, so they didn’t have to worry about Sky also being in the room. Time was scared for a moment that Warriors was going to force himself to ask him to go to the local bar, for the sake of tradition, but to his relief the captain just started immediately getting ready for bed.
He knew sometimes his brother didn’t do well with being brushed up against in his sleep, and with how small the bed was, him accidentally bumping the captain was probably going to happen the moment they were both unconscious, so Time offered to take the floor.
“Don’t be stupid,” Warriors rolled his eyes, scooting over to make space. “At your age if you sleep on the floor I’m afraid we’ll never get you off of it.”
Time rolled his eyes with a huff. “Says the one with a bad back.”
“Your hip creaks when you walk because you’re old.”
“It does not!”
“Does too!”
“You can’t hear bones creak, what the hell are you on about!”
Before Warriors could retort back, a desperate knock sounded on the wall followed by Legend’s muffled voice. “Boys! Boys! You’re both pretty! The walls are thin and some of us are trying to sleep here!”
Time and Warriors both looked at each other with wide eyes before bursting into quiet snickers. He crawled up onto the bed next to his brother, and to his surprise, the captain snuggled right up to him. Warriors let out a tired sigh, wiggling around until he got comfortable, and Time wrapped an arm around him, holding him close. So much time had passed in silence that he thought his brother had fallen asleep until he heard his quiet voice.
“Hey, Sprite?”
“Yeah?” He whispered back, curious to know what thoughts were keeping the captain awake.
“One of the reasons I’m alive is because of you. I could never bring myself to… to do anything because if I did, what would happen to you? I was your legal guardian so… Impa might’ve taken you out of the fight and stuck you in an orphanage like she wanted to originally, who knows.”
Time sucked in a breath and held it. He didn’t want to break down crying again, he’d done enough of that this morning, so he just tightened his hold on his brother and tried not to let his tears fall when Warriors did the same. He knew Impa probably wouldn't have stuck him in an orphanage, he was pretty sure she'd been joking when she'd said that, but Warriors being his legal guardian was the only thing that had allowed him to fight in that war. He didn't know what would've happened to him without the captain.
“And even after the war, I um… I realized I couldn’t let those assassins kill me because it would destroy you if there was even a way for you to find out I allowed myself to get so caught up in my own self hatred I let someone kill me,” he continued, sounding choked up. “And I couldn’t make Athena or Proxi find my dead body.”
He couldn’t hold in his tears anymore. The two of them just laid there, clinging to each other, trying not to cry too loudly after Legend had shown them just how thin the walls were. The others didn’t need to know about this.
“I love you,” Time whispered after a while, after he felt he could speak again without sobbing. “I’m so glad you’re still here.”
“Me too,” Warriors exhaled. “And I love you too, Sprite.”
Time would support his brother always and through everything. He hoped the captain knew he could always come talk to him and Time would listen and help him however he could. He was going to do whatever he could tomorrow to make sure his brother had a good day, he deserved it. Warriors deserved to feel loved and appreciated, and he was going to make sure that his brother knew that he was.