Work Text:
WOW OK SO UM ANDY IS, LIKE, SITTING IN HIS ROOM RIGHT (HE IS ABOUT TO GO TO COLLEGE, OK) AND HE IS LOOKING OUT HIS WINDOW AND SUDDENLY WOW LOOK ATTRACTIVE GARBAGE MAN!SID AND ANDY IS LIKE WOW MMM I WOULD LIKE TO BREAK OFF A PIECE OF THAT WAIT, WHAT
BECAUSE ANDY HAS ALWAYS BEEN /STRAIGHT/ BUT SUDDENLY HE WANTS TO MAKE OUT WITH THE GARBAGE MAN WITH THE GOGGLES AND THE BEANIE AND THE FAMILIAR SHIRT
WHAT IS GOING ON WITH HIS LIFE??
AND OK SO ANDY IS SITTING IN HIS ROOM ANGSTING OVER HIS LIFE BECAUSE MAYBE HE IS GAY NOW?? HE DOES NOT KNOW ALL HE KNOWS IS THAT THE GARBAGE MAN IS HOTTTTT
SO ANDY SPENDS THE REST OF THE WEEK BEING ALL JUMPY AND HIS MOM AND MOLLY ARE LIKE WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU, MAN
AND ANDY IS JUST LIKE “whaT DO YOU MEAN THERE IS NOTHING WRONG IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE GARBAGE MAN, OK?? OMFG JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!!! DDDD:”
ANYWAY GARBAGE DAY ROLLS AROUND AGAIN AND ANDY IS PLANNING TO AVOID THE OUTSIDE OF THE HOUSE, THE WINDOWS, ETC. ANYWAY HIS MOM IS LIKE “ANDY I NEED YOU TO TAKE THIS OUT TO THE TRASH, OK” AND ANDY IS LIKE “BUT MOOO-OOO-OOOM” AND ANDY’S MOM IS, LIKE, JUST TAKE IT OUT OMFG YOU LOSER
SO ANDY TAKES THE TRASH OUT AND HE IS EVEN /JUMPIER/
SO HE GETS TO THE TRASH AND SUDDENLY HE SEES A PAIR OF HANDS
AND THEY HAVE GLOVES ON THEM
LIKE
~SANITATION WORKER GLOVES~ OOOO
AND ANDY LOOKS UP LIKE WOW OK IT’S THE GARBAGE MAN OOPS
HOW DID HE MISS THE GIANT TRUCK?!?!?!!
AND SO HE (ANDY) IS LIKE “UM HERE IS SOME GARBAGE BECAUSE UH YEAH”
AND THE GARBAGE MAN JUST PUSHES UP HIS GOGGLES AND SO THAT PUSHES HIS BEANIE OUT AND LIKE HIS HAIR IS STICKING OUT AND IT’S LONG AND BROWN AND HE’S PRETTY MUCH AN ATTRACTIVE STONER MMMM
AND ANDY IS JUST HOTDAMN
ANYWAY THE GARBAGE MAN IS, LIKE, /BLATANTLY/ CHECKING ANDY OUT LIKE RAKING HIS EYES UP AND DOWN ANDY AND ANDY IS SUPER UNCOMFORTABLE BUT ALSO LIKE YESSS CHECK ME OUT PLS
SO SID LIKE, TAKES THE GARBAGE AND PUTS IT IN THE BACK OF THE TRUCK STILL, LIKE, SMIRKING AND EVERYTHING AND THEN HE’S JUST LIKE, “Later, dude” AND ANDY IS ~SWOONING~ BUT ALSO PANICKING BECAUSE /MIXED FEELINGS/ DUDE
OK AND THAT NIGHT ANDY IS LYING IN BED AND JUST THINKING ABOUT THE GARBAGE MAN BECAUSE WOW HE IS SO HOT OK
AND HE JUST KIND OF SNEAKS HIS HAND DOWN HIS PANTS LIKE OOPS
AND SO HE’S PALMING HIMSELF AND LIKE “WOW GARBAGE MAN U R SO HOT MMMMMmMMM” AND THE HE SPURTS AND WOW CUM EVERYWHERE (NOT REALLY BUT HE CAME OK)
AND HE IS LIKE OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT
WHY IS THIS MY LIFE??
ANYWAY THE NEXT DAY (IT’S LIKE, FRIDAY OR SMTHN)
AND HE GOES TO A ~PARTY~
AND THERE’S DRINKING AND, LIKE, PARTYING AND SHIT
AND IT’S FUCKING WILD OK ANDY DOES NOT KNOW OVER HALF OF THESE PEOPLE BUT HE GETS SMAASSSHHHEDDDD ANYWAY
SO HE’S LIKE WALKING THROUGH DRUNKENLY AND HE BUMPS INTO SOMEONE AND HE LOOKS UP AND IT’S THE GARBAGE MAN OH WOW
AND HE’S WEARING AND OLD IRON MAIDEN T-SHIRT AND IT LOOKS SO FUCKING GOOD ON HIM AND LIKE, THIS KHAKI COLOURED GREEN-ISH JACKET AND A BEANIE AND ANDY IS JUST WOWOWOWOWOW
AND THE GARBAGE MAN IS LIKE “hey” AND ANDY IS DRUNK AND SUPER EMBARASSING AND HE JUST GOES “HI YOU’RE THE GARBAGE MAN”
AND THE GARBAGE MAN JUST SMIRKS AND RAISES AN EYEBROW AND HE’S LIKE “yeah, but I prefer sanitation worker” AND ANDY IS JUST LIKE “OH OK YOU’RE THE SANITATION WORKER” AND SUDDENLY HE FEELS REALLY SICK
OH NO
HE THROWS UP ON THE GARBAGE MAN’S SHOES!!! HOW EMBARRASSING OMG WHAT A LOSER
THE GARBAGE MAN JUST GOES “uhhh” AND ANDY IS LIKE “OH CRAP, I AM SO SORRY, I’M JUST GONNA GO, L8ER”
AND SO ANDY, LIKE, ~RELIGIOUSLY~ AVOIDS THE GARBAGE MAN IT’S PRETTY MUCH HIS FAITH NOW OK
HE SPENDS LIKE THREE WEEKS NOT LEAVING THE HOUSE AND ANDY’S MOM IS LIKE “JUST LEAVE ALREADY OMG WHY AREN’T YOU GOING OUT??”
AND ANDY TELLS HER ABOUT HIS /CRISIS/ (IT’S TOTALLY A CRISIS, OKAY?)
AND HIS MOM GOES “aww my poor baby” BUT SHE STILL MAKES HIM LEAVE THE HOUSE
SO AS HE IS LEAVING THE HOUSE AND WALKING DOWN THE STREET HE HEARS “yo” FROM BEHIND HIM AND LO AND BEHOLD IT’S THE GARBAGE MAN
WOW ANDY BLUSHES BECAUSE THE LAST TIME HE SAW HIM HE THREW UP ON THIS GUY’S SHOES EWWW
ANYWAY HE JUST KIND OF STANDS THERE AWKWARDLY UNTIL HE BLURTS OUT “oh man I am so sorry I didn’t even mean to do that ok sobs I am a loser wow I’m just gonna leave because you’re really fucking cool and I have a crush on you oh shit” AND THE GARBAGE MAN JUST KIND OF LETS OUT A CHUCKLE AND IT WAS HOT (EVERYTHING HE DOES IS HOT)
AND HE’S LIKE “you like me?”
AND ANDY IS LIKE, “YEAH”
AND THE GARBAGE MAN GOES WELL, OKAY
HERE IS MY NUMBER CALL ME OK
ANDY IS JUST LIKE “but I threw up on you??”
AND THE GARBAGE MAN JUST SHRUGS LIKE WHATEVER
AND THE OTGER GUY IN THE TRUCK STICKS HIS HEAD OUT THE SIDE AND IS LIKE “SID YOU LOSER WE HAVE A JOB STOP FLIRTING OMFG”
AND THE GARBAGE MAN (SID!) IS LIKE WELL, LATER I HAVE TO COLLECT GARBAGE L8ER MAN
ANDY ALL ~HAPPY SIGH~ BECAUSE HE HAS SID’S NUMBER (HE IS NOW SID OK) AND FOR SOME REASON THE SKULL SHIRT SEEMS EVEN MORE FAMILIAR BUT WHATEVER HE HAS THE NUMBER OF A HOT GUY
SO ANDY CALLS HIM AND SID IS ALL “hey we should go out some time what about pizza planet, hmmm?” AND ANDY IS JUST LIKE “YES OKAY PIZZA PLANET IS GOOD” AND SID IS LIKE “ok is Friday good??” AND ANDY IS ALL “YES FRIDAY IS PERF” SO SID GOES “ok I will pick you up at 7”
AND AT 7 ON FRIDAY NIGHT ANDY IS SITTING IN HIS LOUNGE ROOM BEING ALL NERVOUS AND AWKWARD AND WORRYING BECAUSE WHAT IF SID DITCHED HIM?? SID IS TOO COOL FOR ANDY THIS IS PROBABLY SOME ELABORATE PRANK NOOOOOO
AND THEN THE DOORBELL RINGS AND YAY! IT’S SID :DDDDD
SO ANDY AND SID GO OUT AND EAT PIZZA AND PLAY STUPID ARCADE GAMES AND AT THE END OF THE NIGHT ANDY IS ALL WOW THIS IS PRETTY GREAT AND SID IS LIKE “yeah wanna come over to my apartment”
ANDY IS PARTIALLY NERVOUS BECAUSE OBVS. THIS MEANS THAT SID WANTS TO HAVE SOME RUMPY PUMPY FUNTIMES BUT THIS ALSO MAKES ANDY EXCITED
ANYWAY
ANDY IS LIKE FUCK IT LET’S GOOOO
SO THEY GO TO SID’S HOUSE
AND THERE IS LOTS OF HOT SEX
(HOW DO YOU WRITE SEX IN A NOTFIC???)
AND YEP
THE NEXT DAY ANDY WAKES UP IN SID’S ROOM
AND HE LOOKS AROUND
AND HE HEARS SOMEONE IN THE APARTMENT
SO HE PUTS ON BOXERS (WOW WOULDN’T WANT TO RUN INTO A ROOMMATE NAKED OR SMTHN) AND WALKS OUT AND IT’S SID WATCHING CARTOONS
APPARENTLY HE DOESN’T HAVE WORK TODAY??
ANDY IS LIKE “UUUHH HEY?” AND SID JUST GOES “hey, man come watch tv with me ok” AND IT’S SOME SHITTY DAY-TIME TV TALK SHOW LIKE, THE VIEW OR SOMETHING IDC
AND THEN AN AD FOR, LIKE, LIFE INSURANCE COMES ON BECAUSE THAT AND INFO-MERICALS ARE THE ONLY ADS ON DURING DAYTIME TV WHAT IS UP WITH THAT??
AND ANDY JUST KIND OF STARTS TALKING BECAUSE HELLO?? NERVOUS!!
SO HE’S ALL “WOW YOU KNOW I HAD A NEIGHBOUR NAMED SID WHEN I WAS A KID HE LIKED EXPLOSIVES AND SHIT YEAH WOW”
AND THEN HE SEES THE SHIRT
AND A BOX OF FIREWORKS THAT’S LABELLED LIKE, FOURTH OF JULY OR SOME SHIT
AND SUDDENLY
IT CLICKS
SID THE GARBAGE MAN IS SID THE INSANE KID
WOWOWOWOWOW
AND SID IS LIKE YEAH WOW FASCINATING
AND ANDY GOES
“HOLY SHIT YOU WERE THE KID OMG”
AND SID IS LIKE HEY YEAH I REMEMBER YOU WOW YOU NEVER INVITED ME TO YOUR BIRTHDAY PARTIES
ANDY IS JUST LIKE DDDD:
I WANTED TOOOOOOO
BUT MY MOM SAID NO BECAUSE YOU WERE KIND-OF TERRIFYING
AND SID IS LIKE WHO SAYS I’M STILL NOT TERRIFYING
AND THEN THEY HAVE ROUGH SEX ON THE COUCH WHILE THE LADIES ON THE VIEW ARGUE BECAUSE THAT IS LITERALLY ALL THEY DO ON THAT SHOW OMG
AND YEAH
YAY!
SO THEY BECOME BOYFRIENDS
AND THERE’S LOTS OF SEX AND STUFF
AND ANDY GOES TO COLLEGE AND THEY HAVE SEX IN HIS DORM
AND EVERYTHING IS LOVELY
~THE END~