Chapter Text
“I was fine with the souls”
Michael whispered out under his breath as he stared out at the night sky of heaven. Those once beautiful golden eyes, now drenched in blood, haunted his dreams once again, refusing him the opportunity to rest for the night.
“Who would come into his life now and again”
He sighed, regretting everything that led up to this point. It had already been a thousand years since his brother’s fall, yet he still could not fathom why Lucifer would choose her over the family he had known for all eternity.
“I was fine 'cause I knew”
Perhaps Michael should have never allowed Lucifer to visit Earth. Maybe then, everything would be different. Maybe then, he would still be up here instead of being trapped in that miserable pit.
“That they didn't really matter until you”
Hatred spiralled in his guts as he remembered the face of the first woman. That wretched being that had encouraged his dearest brother to make such an irreversible and grave mistake. If it wouldn’t have destroyed Lucifer’s fragile heart, he would gladly have Lilith’s head hanging on the wall.
“I was fine when you came”
Michael buried his fist into the railings, easily crushing the material as golden and silver feathers splayed out on his back threateningly. It pained him till this day to be the one who had to tear the glowing halo off his brother’s head and to banish him down to that hellish pit.
“And we fought like it was all some silly game”
He sighed as he lowered his wings. The same hand that destroyed the railing glided over it gently, swiftly returning it to how it was before.
“Over him, who he'd choose”
If only he could do the same with his broken family. He only wished that they could return to the joyful memories of the past. Turning around, he placed the same palm on the balcony doors, a burning feeling rising in his chest.
“After all those years, I never thought I'd lose”
A strange wetness pricked the corner of his silver eyes as he closed them with a loud sigh. He had never expected that Lucifer would do such a thing, all for the first and second woman. If only Michael had listened to his dearest brother more, helped him make his dreams become reality… Maybe Lucifer would not have concerned himself with the likes of Lilith and would still be here right now.
“It's over, isn't it?”
Suppressing his own cries, he opened the door quietly.
“Isn't it?”
His mind felt numb as he stepped inside the room. It was already past midnight, no one else was awake for him to speak to.
“Isn't it over?”
Not that he would speak with anyone about this. He was meant to be strong, not some weak fledgling crying over spilled milk.
“It's over, isn't it?”
It wasn’t as though anyone else would understand this aching fire burning in his chest.
“Isn't it?”
He repeated to himself, silver eyes landing blankly on his bed. He couldn’t bring himself to fall asleep no matter how tired he was.
“Isn't it over?”
Michael walked towards the mattress, muttering the words under his breath as he sat down on it.
“You won, and he chose you”
Silver eyes became cold as he thought back to those angered memories.
“And he loved you and he's gone”
He yearned to know how his brother was doing, but he couldn’t bring himself to go see him, to go see hell of all places. The horrid pit they left him in, with no contact from them for over a thousand years.
“It's over, isn't it?”
The agonising blaze swelled in his heart, golden blood feeling as though it was boiling over.
“Why can't I move on?”
Silver eyes turned glossy once more, tears threatening to fall as he sighed and stood up from the mattress.
“War and glory, reinvention”
Michael felt a headache coming up as he recalled the rebellion from a third of heaven following Lucifer’s banishment. Some angels believed that his brother’s ideals were right, the words even convincing some of the heavenly council.
“Love, freedom, his attention”
He had been too busy drowning in his own work to give any care to the little rebellion, leaving it up to his siblings to handle. Gabriel and the Powers had been the ones to deal with them, damning them alongside the now king of hell.
“Out in daylight, my potential”
He couldn’t care less for those that were banished, only focusing on his work to take his mind off the ear-piercing screams from Lucifer that haunted him continuously.
“Bold, precise, experimental”
The memories would torment him each night, never allowing him to forget what he witnessed. The sight of his own hands, covered in golden blood, as he tore off his own brother's halo.
“Who am I now in this world without him?”
The moment that Lucifer's punishment was determined was a moment Michael forever relived. The sound of the judgement radiating throughout the court, the hammer that followed it and the unmoving gaze of his creator as they faced Lucifer. Golden eyes had seemed lifeless as tears fell down his cheeks. He knew what his dearest brother did was completely forbidden, yet the ache in his chest never stopped.
“Petty and dull, with the nerve to doubt him”
Maybe things could've been different. If Lucifer never stepped foot into that garden, if he never spoke with Lilith, if he never gave the fruit to Eve…
“What does it matter? It's already done”
What was he thinking? He couldn't change what already happened. Everything would have to go on, even without his brother. He would have to keep going, to set an example for the others, to lead and to protect the glorious realm above. Was this place truly as wonderful as they say when all he could feel was pain?
“Now I've got to be there for them”
A single tear drop slipped down his cheek. His other siblings, the angels, all of heaven still needed him. Their lord had disappeared after the MorningStar’s fall, hidden in their own secluded quarters and leaving their duties up to their children.
“It's over, isn't it?”
He walked towards the mirror, silver eyes staring at his own reflection.
“Isn't it?”
He asked himself, unable to trust his own mind as he turned to his long, messed up blonde hair.
“Isn't it over?”
He was the eldest of all of their lord’s creation, one of the seven virtues, Michael. He wasn’t supposed to be such a mess, especially not over the one who damned all of humanity.
“It's over, isn't it?”
Archangels were meant to be strong. Yet, here he was, weak and in tears over his beloved brother.
“Isn't it?”
He folded his arms, pulling himself closer together. He was no powerful warrior. He was just a weak angel who was unable to protect his own family.
“Isn't it over?”
His voice was choked up in tears as he placed his hand on the mirror, silver eyes staring into the one in the reflection.
“You won, and he chose you”
Was he supposed to see himself? See the perfection and strength all archangels were made to be? All the silver eyes comprehended was an incompetent, flawed and worthless poor soul.
“And he loved you and he's gone”
He was just exhausted, he told himself. It was hard to believe when this was all he had been feeling for the past millennia.
“It's over, isn't it?”
He asked again, only to receive no answer before he sighed and headed towards his bed once again.
“Why can't I move on?”
He laid down on the mattress, staring soullessly into the ceiling after pulling the blanket and himself together.
“It's over, isn't it?”
No one could see him in this state. He was truly alone in this world.
“Why can't I move on?”
Michael whispered out one last time before he closed his eyes, drifting off into yet another nightmare.