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The world, humanity, I had always loved it all so much. The feelings I felt for Humanity were beautiful yet…they could never trample the love I feel for you…oh how foolish I was to think that when so clearly, you were never mine to begin with.never in a million years did I ever think you could be mine…but. On those chases I could almost forget about it…yet, here and now I see you with a content, serene expression I’d never had the pleasure of seeing before in front of a woman…a pretty, not annoying woman…now…I know for certain that no way in this world or the next would I ever have you heart. So I resined myself to taking you hatred. If I couldn’t have your love then I would take all the hate you can have for me…at least then you’ll look at me…you’ll see me.
- Orihara Izaya 1990-2024
Izaya knew that his days were numbered, the red and white spots showing up on his skin, the bumps and itches, and of course the coughs…the blood and petals, it all signified that his illness had finally caught up with him. After several years of unrequited love for a man who never even saw him as a friend it was a shock he made it this far. Well…maybe never a friend was a stretch. They had been friends once, back in high school. Izaya had tried befriending Shizuo, the man who everyone was quite scared of. He tried over and over and finally got the guy to hang out with him. Then, as Shizuo began to learn to control his strength people started flocking to him. Then a girl asked him out. That’s when the petals started showing…they only got worse, so much so that he couldn’t stay in normal society anymore. He was frail so he supplemented that with fast movements and cunning tactics. Then he met Shizuo again…he thought that maybe they could be friends again, at least until said crush hurled a vending machine at him. He cried and bled a lot that night.
So now, seeing Shizuo happy with that pretty Russian girl gave him a bittersweet feeling. He was happy there was some else to keep Shizuo company, someone not afraid of him but…he also wished he was that person. He sighed and let out a small, soft laugh that contrasted the tears that dripped down his chin, landing on a small pink flower on his bony, pale hands. He looked out of the window of the hospital room to the city he so loved and the people he loved too.
“Haha…perhaps I’m simply born to be unlovable…everything I love, everyone I love never seems to requite my feelings.” He looked back down to his hands and then to his phone. It was blowing up with messages. Most likely from Shizuo. Shinra had promised to tell no one about his whereabouts or condition until he died and even after. He hoped that after he’d died his memory would simply drift away from the minds of those who knew him, like a ghost. He hoped that by doing so he could leave no one in mourning by his death, he didn’t deserve it anyways.
“Ahh…I do wish Shizuo-Chan had chased me one more time before I was stuck in a hospital bed like this…” he said to himself, thinking back to the blonde man’s last words to him.
“ We should stop this. ”
It made sense, he’s found love and found peace. So, Izaya wordlessly packed up his things, wrote a quick email to his housekeeper and left for Shinra’s where he now spends the rest of his short life alone looking at the beautiful city and it’s people he lived oh so much. Sometimes when he’s really lonely he can pretend that Shizuo is there visiting or that they’re out on the town. Shizuo throws things at him and he dodges them…sometimes when his mind wanders even further he can see a different world. One where he is happily living with Shizuo in a quaint little house in the countryside…but they’re just dreams. He feels a little more disappointed every time he wakes up…if his life was gonna end soon, he’d rather it end in a happy dream…not in a boring old hospital room alone.
Then…his condition takes a turn for the worse after hearing about Shizuo’s engagement. He’s half lucid as he hears the slowed beeping of the heart rate monitor. Then, the door opens and someone walks in. A hand caressed his face and cheek. He tried to open his eyes and saw from the sliver blonde short hair and that usual bartender outfit.
“Shizu-o…is that you? Haha…this is probably another dream…it’s a nice one though…I guess…I guess this is the last bit of luck the world has for me…to die in a wonderful dream…” Izaya leaned his head into the caress and tried to soak in the warmth even if there was none. He tried to hold onto the hand, even as his body was turning cold and rigid he still tried to hold on…and eventually he closed his eyes, entering his last, and final dream.
“Shizu-chan…” Izaya said to the dream Hewajima. A soft smile present on his face.
“If this is the last moments of my life, the last dream I’ll ever have, my last time to see your face, could I do something?” He asked, he half knew he was dreaming, since…Shizuo agreed. Shizuo would never agree to anything Izaya said, “could you hug me? I…don’t want to be alone…” Izaya admitted. He wasn’t in a hospital gown or a hospital room anymore, his body wasn’t paralyzed from the neck down. Instead, he could move freely, dressed in his signature jacket, and the two of them were standing in a flower field that seemed to stretch on for miles. The dream Shizuo hugged Izaya, pulling him into his chest with his large string arms around him. Izaya melted into the embrace and thought if he tried really hard he could imagine the warmth from a hug…
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Shizuo had gotten engaged to Vorona and his life was looking up. But still, it felt almost empty without the flea to bother him. He was cleaning some glasses when a petal landed on his hand. It wasn’t cherry blossom season and he was inside yet the flower looked fresh. He picked up the flower and turned it around. He simply shrugged and tossed it in the trash and continued his work.