Chapter Text
Sins of the Past; To correct Past Sins
How!?
How could it have all come to this?!
Why did everything fall apart!?
Who could have ever predicted this!?
Oh, but she knew who was to blame. Has always known it, always told them, always warned them.
But did anyone ever listen to her!?
Of course not!
And it was all Wei Wuxian's fault!!
It was always his fault!
His fault for how others gravitated to him, like moths to the hypnotic dance of a gentle flame. And like those moths who get too close open flames; those who got too close to him always got burned. Few were lucky to get away with minor damage; others were not so damned lucky.
It was his fault that he was far too brilliant for his own good and was far too bright, always shining with the intensity of 10 suns. Wei Wuxian has always shown brighter than anything else. And like the Suns in the story of Chang'e, he needed to be shot down. His genius, his studious efforts, and his natural talents were all carefully honed and trained to perfection! He was low born and yet he out shown his superiors, bested his betters; those born of higher birth and of superior stock all paled in the wake of this brat! He was adored and envied! Gods it galled her so!
His kindness and his friendliness, weaknesses that he turned into strength! So easily given; it came to him so naturally, like how one breathes! It was his greatest weapon and his greatest weakness. He truly was a stupid fool. Just like his parents. It was his fault for being their son. It was all his fault for being that woman's son!
Why could he not have been hers!?
Why did her own son, her pride and joy, pale in comparison?
She always hated that she was always so proud of that woman's son and often disappointed by her own. She hated that she was inferior to that woman as both a Cultivator, but also as a mother! A lifetime with her own son yielded nothing but hurt pride and disappointment. And yet that woman, who only spent a few short years with hers, and he was... perfection!
She blamed Wei Wuxian relentlessly, to try and hurt him since his mother was already dead and could no longer be hurt by her, that Cangse Sanren had ever been hurt by her in the first place. She belittled him, hoping to devalue him so much that in her traitorous heart, she would not covet him, and would be free of this bitter venom in her veins finally.
When words were not enough, she turned to beating him because she was furious with her own failings as both a mother and a wife; furious of the rumors and the way her husband looked at the boy with such longing and sorrow!!
Even in death, she could not let go of the very poison that ruined her life. The envy, the pride and wrath that consumed her in life had utterly refused to let her go even now. She still thought, even after death and in this hellish limbo, that her husband had been unfilial in his duties to her; that he was still clinging to his love for that woman. She still believed that the brat was their love child, despite death revealing the truth. Regardless of the portrait that had burned with her home that showed how much Wei Wuxian looked like his parents.
Shehated that even her children adored him! She hated the gentle ease he handled them. When her words and whip left scars on their little hearts; left them questioning if she even loves them, he was there to sooth their hurts. He would build them up, help them stand and he would selflessly take the brunt of her anger. He helped her daughter by being childish and needy so her sweet daughter will have someone to care for and feel useful when her own words claimed her daughter was useless. He pesters and teases her son until he explodes and finally admits what is wrong and then he will have the words needed to make her son feel better.
Wei Wuxian learned early to sacrifice his sleep to perfect his own Cultivation so he can focus on the disciples come morning. Always making manuals for her son to 'find' and learn from, explaining things in simpler terms, helping him catch up without making it being obvious that it was Wei Wuxian helping him. How this brat dared! When he preforms, her son can see how the moves are preformed and ignites the flames of competition to get him to practice harder, to prove he is just as brilliant, just a little slower to learn. But neither she nor her husband ever noticed. Always looking at the imperfections and belittling their son for them.
Gods and Goddesses, how she hates that even she secretly loved him too, but was far too bitter about it and turned any affections for the brat into hatred, loathing and unrelenting fury. Condensing these resentment filled feelings into a potent poison to protect herself with. She spat this poison at every opportunity and beat him down, trying to break him so he would be seen as worthless and thus no one would even want to steal him away. She tried her damnedest to ruin this boy, to break him so utterly! But then she had died and her spirit did not move on.
Wasn't allowed to.
She was forced to remain behind, not even allowed to manifest as a Fierce Corpse or to answer his summons, despite being powerful and filled with resentment. No, she could only follow along and watch what happened afterwards. Forced to watch the seeds she had dug in deep, finally sprout and grow, bearing life ending fruit and even she was horrified by what she had helped to do to the poor boy! Truly hatred strangled the life slowly from not only the one it was aimed at but those around them and especially the one to plant the seed.
She felt the burning grip of her own resentment slowly curling over her neck not unlike a noose, steadily growing tighter and hotter but she couldn't pry it away, couldn't beg for it to end. This was her punishment, her atonement. To watch the Sun slowly dim and finally sputter out. A gleaming gem crack and ultimately shatter with no hopes to ever fix it, or find all the pieces of.
He may smile.
He may laugh.
And he may play the fool.
But he suffered at every turn.
What had she done?!
No one truly knew him and those who did were not enough to build him up where she had spent nearly his entire life breaking him down! She watched him get her son away from danger, risking his life to get them food and transport. She could only watch her son foolishly endanger himself, despite Wei Wuxian placing a ward to protect him when that Wen Brat and his dog appeared. She could only scream as she saw Wei Wuxian beg the enemy for help when her son's core was destroyed in a foolish attempt to face off against the Core Melting Hand.
She was forced to remain at his side as he laid awake for three days and two nights, held down by one of the Wen siblings, while the other carefully and oh so gently preformed a dangerous surgery. A surgery that only had extremely high fatality rate and even if he survived the core removal, there was only the absolute thinnest 50% chance of it being successfully accepted by her son's body! She cried out in agony as she watched Wei Wuxian slowly being cut open and gutted. She watched on in horror filled grief as the once glittering sun of his core being carefully pulled out and placed into her son.
She could only watch with grief stricken awe and horror filled hope as he gave up his core, a vital piece of not just his being, but his very soul for her son! She had screamed into the ether, damning him, berating him for doing this! Doesn't he realize that by doing this, he has done worse than clipped his own wings?! He had broken those wings, cut them off and cauterized the wounds so he has no hope to ever fly again. What was a bird without their wings?! He doomed himself to live like a normal man, to die way before his time!! Damn this brat!!
It was a torment far worse than any demon, or even the Ghost King himself, could ever hope to come up with or ever hope to match. She was certain if it wasn't because she was forced to watch this, to endure it all, her soul would have splintered, shattered and faded out from the horror, agony and utter despair that she was forced to watch! She would have no hope to be reincarnated, not that she deserved it and she knows she doesn't, not after all her sins and her hand in breaking what was never meant to be broken. Nothing could ever compare and it wasn't over with, not by a long shot!
She could only watch on as he's ambushed by the Wens loyal to Wen Ruohan and his ill begotten sons, while waiting for her son to recover and join him. She could only spit curses at them as they beat someone who was clearly very injured and can no longer fight back, fly off with him and then from more than 100ft in the air, she watched with despair as they dumped Wei Wuxian into literal Hell on Earth. She flew after Wei Wuxian, reaching out for him, forgetting she wasn't alive and thus her fingers went through his wrist. She couldn't stop his fall, slow it down, she could do nothing! She could only watch with horror as his body hit the floor, the sound of several bones breaking, if not outright shattering, haunts her even now. She could do nothing to ease his pain or comfort him, only watch him lying there, somehow still alive and left to the mercies, or lack there of, of the Burial Mounds.
She couldn't manifest here either, could not take form or hope to speak to him. She was a spectator of the world's most sadistic and tragic play. All her sins were being thrown back into her face. At this point, getting slapped by a dragon would hurt far less than this. For three months, three long and agonizing months, she watched the once brilliant boy be slowly, and much more effectively, torn down. How he was painfully and oh so slowly brought to the brink of madness, but always one for the impossible, he managed to still retain enough of himself to not become a true monster. She refused to fight back the surge of pride at his, she coached him on, cheered!! She never left his side, not now. Not even if she could, she wouldn't.
She watched him create a brand new form of Cultivation in between bouts of mania and torment, between digging up things that she would rather not wish to see again and eat it, all for the sake of survival. She would never again mock the Lans for their vegetarian diet again. If it had been her, she would not have been nearly as strong to stomach such a feat. Gods, if she could, she would throw up right now. He mastered his craft and managed to teach himself how to play an instrument he never picked up before. She knew he was a prodigy, but never understood how much so, until he made over 100 flutes, tweaked them and taught himself how to play until he perfected it and created his Ghost Flute, Chenqing. And then finally, he was ready and with the shrill cry of his new weapon, he flew off on a cloud of resentment. Breaking a barrier that had stood for centuries, his army of undead following in his wake, leaving the living alone, all but those of the Wen Sect.
She watched as he traveled over the land killing hundreds, if not thousands. Very few were left alive in his wake and it broke him down even more. He became more frail, more brittle. His sanity was slowly loosing its final anchors, she worried that he would lose in the end and follow like so few before when they turned to this path. But always one for the impossible, he kept his grip, stubbornly held onto those fraying tethers with an unknown strength and ferocity. Even as he tormented Wang Lingjiao, Wen Chao and Wen Zhuliu, making them suffer greatly. Oh how she enjoyed watching them suffer. Even when her son and Second Young Master Lan finally caught up to him, watched him as he tormented and killed the Wen pig and his guard dog, neither reprimanded him or chided him, well overly much in Second Young Master Lan's case. After all, the pair brought so much suffering. However new troubles were abound.
When he joined with his peers, the change was obvious. There was now fear in their eyes and fear is a much more dangerous weapon than anything in all of existence. Friends, who once flocked to him, now avoided him. Anyone who dared to try and be friendly with him, was quickly scared away or warned off by the others. Wei Wuxian, who was always surrounded by people, was now left alone. His smiles, always warm and inviting, happy and so iridescently bright, were no longer bright. His laughter, once full of life and utter pure happiness, now was forced and hollow; empty and brittle, yet no one noticed. If anyone did, they could do nothing.
And his eyes that always shown with mischief and happiness, were like unpolished quartz and empty. His allies had turned their backs on him. Gone was the bright and happy boy he had been only a few short months ago. In his place was this pale and broken man, empty and full of misery. The Harbinger of Death and Destruction for the enemy, a weapon for the allied forces. Not even her own had son stayed by his side and that... that had disappointed her much worse than anything else.
Hadn't he always told her that no matter what, he would stay by Wei Wuxian's side?!
Where was her brat when the fool needed him the most!?
Why did he not see how much Wuxian was suffering!?
Why had he agreed to use him like a weapon and now that the war was over, why wasn't he stepping up to assure the other Sects that Wuxian will be treated!?
That the brat's not a threat to anyone!?
That he will be monitored closely and kept under close guard!?
She hated watching her son berate the boy, who was paler, weaker, but still able to fool others with a halfassed smile and a nonsensical comment. How could he have allowed himself to be bullied by Jin Guangshan of all people!? Allowed himself and his sister to be used as pawns and unintentional hostages against the brat?! Wei Wuxian knew it and yet still played his part because she has always forced him into that role, the role of stout protector. Had always told him that his life has no value or meaning unless it was used to protect her children! He knew very well this was a deadly trap, and he still sprung it around himself, to protect her children. And she's never regretted anything more than this in her life. She watched him as he was left spiraling and fraying at the edges while others celebrated and recovered. Then the first Qiongqi Path incident happened.
She watches with pride as the brat, after terrifying the fools, went to the camp and rescue the innocence there. She watched him slaughter the guards and revive one of the dead. Only a few years younger than her own son, and yet so brutally killed. She sneers at the others, who'd finally shown up and clearly see the so-called 'cultivators!' And still they do nothing! So utterly blinded by the name Wen, by the white and red robes, as dirty and frayed as they are. Many of whom she blames for willful ignorance, the rest for either naivety or utter stupidity. She has no other choice, but to follow along as they make their way towards the Burial Mounds (though she would have loved to been at the meetings after this so she could have somehow warned Wei Wuxian) and surely dying in the place of true evil is better than being tortured and killed for sport.
She watches the only true happiness he's had that is solely his and has no ties to Yunmeng or the Jiang name. No ties to impossible life debts for things that should have never been used to in-debt a child into a lifetime of servitude. No bitter and insecure Madams to whip him for every little thing that upsets her, or a supposedly caring man who stood by and watched him be whipped and then cajoled him into accepting the utterly unfair treatment, a man who normalized his mistreatment and low keyed conditioned him to be the perfect shield and dog for the Yunmeng Jiang Sect. Gods, she's never been more sickened by anything else in her life. All of this brought to light by watching as Wei Wuxian saving, protecting and making a home with a small group of Wens, who were elderly, sickly and simply doctors and farm hands.
She watched him eek out a living within the land of the dead. He built them a home where his suffering had been at its greatest. Working to purify the land so they could farm food, recreating the barrier to keep the town safe, but also keep the Wens protected from a world that wanted them dead simply for their Surname alone. She watched him give birth -how had she missed the signs, had missed when he had laid with a certain pair of jade?- and raising a son in this desolate place. She had seen him with the Jades of Lan during the final stages of the war. How they fussed and worried for him, playing for him when they were able to corner him and not allowed his worsening temperament chase them away. She had thought in those moments, that perhaps it was possible for him to return to normal society then. How pathetically foolish of her.
Truly, life was utterly unfair to this poor boy. And after months -or perhaps a year and a few months?- in the Burial Mounds, even after her son nearly fatally stabbed Wuxian, nearly killed the babe in his belly when Wei Wuxian had officially broken all ties with Yunmeng Jiang. How she wanted to strangle her son! How could he stab him so carelessly when all Wei Wuxian had done was broken his arm!? Then the Second Qiongqi Path happened. The ambush led by that damned fool Zixun. She heard another playing a flute and she saw Wen Qionglin go more berserk, but also saw the erratic behavior of an already agitated Wei Wuxian become even moreso. And then her son in-law, Jin Zixuan appear, why was he here and alone!?
She could only watch in horror as the hot tempered man approach Wei Wuxian who only saw the gold of his robe, heard the aggression in his voice, which caused Wen Qionglin to perceive him as a threat and attack. The horror of watching a hand punch through his chest not only shocked her, but Wei Wuxian, who screamed in horror and sent Wen Qionglin away. But it was too late, the damage was done. He fled back home and tried his best to prepare for what was to come. The days that followed were full of paranoia and anxiety, but there was one ray of sunshine: The Jades had found their wayward lover. She gleefully watched them as they spent time in town, unknowingly meeting their son and spending one last day as a family. Just one day of utter bliss and happiness. Truly life was bitterly unfair to this poor boy.
When night had settled, she had seen him drug the Twin Jades so they would not be able to follow him after their night of passion. She watched him send them off with a pair of talismans, tear filled kisses goodbyes and one last whispered 'I love you' in their ears. He picked up his son and made his way back to the Burial Mounds, where he set about preparing for the impending siege. She watched as those she once knew and respected, for the most part, turn their backs on him, time and again, grow jealous and envious. Often the words she spewed at events or even to the other wives in 'confidence' were now being thrown back in her face. She felt slapped, whipped and beaten bloody by her own words. Truly the seeds of hatred, once sprouted, grow far and fast. They truly choke the life from everything you once held dear, twisting those around you into something unrecognizable. She was utterly ashamed of herself when she saw her own son, her own flesh and blood lead the siege upon her adopted son.
She watched as the Wens begged Wei Wuxian to flee with his son. When he refused, she watched the female doctor, a woman who truly deserved so much more and her undying respect for keeping her fool brat glued together, if barely, knocked him and the baby out, hiding them so they might survive the incoming massacre. She and the others, even the sentient Corpse -and wasn't that thrilling to watch! How utterly brilliant her wily brat was!- gave themselves up, but it was not enough. No matter how she screamed and begged the Burial Mounds to rouse and protect her son's family, she could only watch as the barrier fell and the armed mix army rushed through the tiny settlement and cut down the majority of the Wens. She knows that the Fierce Corpse and the Wen Doctor were captured, likely to be executed for the public. She watched in horror as the tiny settlement was ransacked and set ablaze, the Wen trampled carelessly under foot and her son's inventions stolen for the greedy masses.
She tried to follow them when they left with the Wen siblings, but she couldn't stray too far and she just knew that when a'Xian awoke, there will be no coming back from the hell he would rain down on the Cultivation World. Had they not learned from how he singlehandedly destroyed the Wen Army for burning Lotus Pier!? If you hurt those he cares for, he's very much capable of devastating atrocities!! However, all she could do was only watch and wait as he awakened, about a day after the siege, to find all the Wens slain, not even a struggle, just a thoughtless massacre. She watched him stumble from one body to the next, begging them to stop playing, to get up. Please! He curled up by Wen Popo's body, sobbing before the Burial Mounds begins to shake under him.
She watched him lift his head and gone was the boy she knew. The Cultivation World wanted a monster? Well they will certainly regret asking for this one. She followed him as he quickly hides his son, setting up protections for her other grandson and he marched towards the fools. If he had ridden on a cloud of resentment during the Sunshot campaign, then he was riding a tidal wave this time. He was both majestic and terrifying in this moment, his hair unbound, his eyes a permanent red with bloody tears leaking from his eyes as he made it to Nightless City, renamed Ever Night after the fall of the Wens. He arrived to see Dr. Wen's ashes being blown away as the last of the fires that burned her finally died down. That was their final mistake.
She could only sneer as she watched the greedy fools force him to fight back, his army of the undead versus them. It was chaotic and nothing seemed like it would get through to him. How she wished the Twin Jades were here, they would reach him, making him see reason again! They would take him and their son and flee the world! She could only hover nearby as fools tried and failed to ambush him. It looked like it was going to be a hopeless battle to the bitter end, but then her daughter, her sweet, sweet a'Li, appeared. How did she get here!? Why was she here!? But wait! A'Xian's always been weak to his beloved sister and like always, Yanli managed to reach him and nearly pull him back from the brink of insanity! She was trying to convince him to come with her, she will help him find somewhere safe, somewhere no one will ever bother him again.
He looked ready to agree, to follow his sister, his child like mentality when it came to his sister cooling the rage and insanity, but Yanli caught movement from the corner of her eye as she had been turning to pull him from the fray. It was some fool in Lan robes, who attacked him from behind like a coward. A'Li, her beautiful perfect a'Li had seen him and shoved a'Xian aside, taking the blow meant for him. She collapsed into her a'Cheng's arms, who had spotted her and was making his way toward her, likely to get her out of harms way, and with her last breath, Yanli did not blame that woman's son. She smiled around a bloody mouth as she reached up a pale hand to his cheek, saying that she was only thankful he was unharmed.
She died with a smile on her lips and it broke her sons. Wei Wuxian was begging her to wake up, trying to get her hand to pat his head as she had always done. Her daughter was always so forgiving of him, even at the end of her life. But her own son was not so forgiving. Even as both of them cried for a'Li, her son snapped then. He was enraged and with the core given to him so selflessly by that woman's son, he fought him until he lost sight of him.
It was bedlam, even she lost sight of the brat with all the fighting, the killing and then she saw him, he was at the edge of a cliff that hung over the gaping maw of a still active volcano. Her heart clenched painfully as she flew toward him, she knew he was about to kill himself! She wished she was flesh and blood, or a Corpse or something to grab him back! She feared it would be too late, but then she saw that the Jades of Lan had found him. When had they gotten there!? It doesn't matter! They need to stop him before it's too late!
Yes, she had thought, save him, hide him, love him!! Keep him safe! Find your babe and protect him too!! Undo all the harm I've done onto him! Heal him!!
She wished and hoped so fervently, but it was as if all her sins were too much, too great! Like a foul ghoul rearing its ugly face at her and mocking her for now praying for him! All she could do now was cry out as her own son, her a'Cheng, stabbed him in his chest and shoved him off the cliff. She remembers watching his body fall, she remembers diving after him, trying to grab his wrist for the second time, to stop him to save him her damned self, but her fingers went through him once again, reminding her yet again in a painfully cruel way that she can only watch these events and not interact with him or anyone. That all she could do was float there as he fell into the lava pools below, a smile on his face. Always with a damned smile.
Nothing was spared, no ashes,or bone fragments. His all was melted away and gone forever. She listened as the Twin Jades scream out, their combined sound of pain and anguish would forever haunt all. She felt something foreign bubbling in her chest and clawing at her throat, desperate to escape and she could only open her mouth as she screamed as if she were dying all over again. She raged and cried so much that something must have triggered because suddenly the world exploded into light and sound before utter darkness...
n l m b m l n
Yu Ziyuan bolted awake, with an aborted scream caught in her throat, feeling a bit confused and not wholly sure what was happening at first. She sat there panting, seeing as she was in her chambers at Lotus Pier. It was late at night and she could have sworn she had been dead only a moment previous! She saw Jinzhu and Yinzhu come out of their shared room that was attached to hers, both with pinched expressions on their faces. Yu Ziyuan knew then and there that they experienced what she had. She's known these women since she was a little girl, there was little they could hide from her. So it was all real, they had been dead and somehow they were back.
Wait....
They were back!
Judging by the how young they looked, this was around the time that Wei Wuxian had been brought to Lotus Pier! Or maybe before Wei Changze and Cangse Sanren were killed? There's no way to tell until she sees her children, but her main concern right now was finding her other son. She merely looks at the twin women, who nod back. She does not need to tell them anything, which was what she loved the most about keeping her closest friends and confidants even after she left her father's home and came to live in the Lotus Cove.
Yu Ziyuan need only nod and they are quickly back in their room, getting dressed and returning not even a full minute after. Being dead had shown them a great many things, what led up to key moments and what their own actions had had a hand in. They had seen things that had left them with deep grieving regret. They are soon back and Yu Ziyuan nods once, handing them the gathered supplies she had harried herself to fish out of the various chests and drawers in her room.
Clothes, medicine and bandages for a child, she would've gone as well, but she needs to see her children, hold them close and to impress upon her a'Cheng (She needs to remind herself to not scold him, berate him, beat him bloody for things he's yet to do; she will never let him become that twisted thing again.) that he will be a much better person than last time. She will make sure of it. If not then she has utterly failed as a parent. Seeing Yinzhu and Jinzhu off, she slipped on her slippers and rushed from her personal chambers....
n l m b m l n
Yu Ziyuan will admit she collapsed crying when she saw her children, her sweet a'Li, Jiang Yanli, and her hot tempered but well meaning Jiang Cheng, Jiang Wanyin. She hugged them both and she knows her crying and hugging them must have scared them, but she couldn't help herself, nor could she have stopped. And thank Lady Guanyin, her brave babies do not ask, they simply hug her back and reassure her, -HER, their mother!- that everything is going to be just fine. She laughs a watery sound and hugs them again and then she pulls back to looks them both in the eye.
"Listen well to me. I sent Jinzhu and Yinzhu to find a boy and bring him back here. He is the son of your father's best friend, your Uncle Wei. You are to treat him well. He has been through a lot recently and will need time, love and patience. He's lost his parents, do you recall our conversation about death?” She asks and both her children give uneasy nods. “Good, I don't have to reiterate it for now. But yes, this means that your Uncle Wei and his wife have sadly died, in fact they died a few years ago, but we've been unable to find your Uncle's son until now. So with that being said, a'Cheng, I know we just got you the puppies you've always wanted, but I think it best they are housed with the other spirit animals for now.”
“But, a'Niang!?” He goes to protest, but she quickly flicks his ear, making him duck his head, chastised.
“A'Cheng, the boy might be terrified of them due to wild dogs and the like. How would you like it if you were scared of something and were forced to see them so soon after coming to a new home? Would you like that?” At his sullen head shake, she softens and kisses his temple. “Oh, baby, I promise you can still have them and raise them, but for now, until we can acclimate him to dogs again. Or at least get him use to yours, they need to be kept away from him. Do you understand me?” She holds his gaze until he nods his head that he understood her. “Good boy, this means, a'Cheng, you need to work very hard to train your puppies to be absolutely prefect when it comes to protecting your new sibling and your sister. I expect excellent results.”
He perks up at the assignment, looking her in her eyes. His eyes were a slightly bluer version of her own violet colored eyes. She had seen the worse in him and she will work damned hard to bleed the poison out of him before it has a chance to settle in him. She will not let him become the monster he became at the end. If he still does, then as much as it will pain her to do so, she will put him down herself. But she can start with this, a life time of resentment came from him losing his puppies almost as soon as he had gotten them. But instead of giving them away, she was having them simply moved to where their other spiritual animals are housed and trained. She will work with him in training the dogs and getting a'Xian use to them. No need to let future enemies know of his crippling fear of all things canine. Pleased, she turns her attention to her daughter.
“A'Li, I know you have been helping in the kitchens lately,” Her daughter flinches, knowing that her mother's scolded her a few times already about doing 'servant's' work, but Yu Ziyuan has seen how much her daughter's cooking has often settled arguments and gotten the boys to talk again after a fight, but also brought them much needed comfort after Yu Ziyuan's berated and scolded them. So she cups her chin and makes her look her in her eyes. Her silvery purple eyes blinking nervously at her, “I need you to go help prepare some warm broth, do not put too much flavoring in it and nothing spicy for now. I do not know how sick he will be when he gets here. And there is no telling how long he's been without food, we do not want to make him sick with his first meal. Can you do that for me?"
"Yes, a'Niang!" Her children chirp as she smiles a rare smile at them. They flush with pleasure at seeing it and she gives them head pats and assures them she is proud of them for listening so well. She calls a servant to help Yanli with cooking while she stays with a'Cheng to get his puppies, Princess, Jasmine and Little Love (She is horrified to realize that Wei Wuxian had been correct that they sound like expensive courtesans) up and moved into the Spiritual Beast Pen, getting them settled in their new pen. She remains with him for a little while, letting him play and get them settled before she calls more servants and begins to clean out the room beside her son's and getting it ready. She knows she will not sleep until she knows a'Xian is brought home...
n l m b m l n
By the time the sun has reached mid morning, her maids are making their way into the main hall where she had been pacing all morning waiting with the best healers in Lotus Pier. There was also a warm bath and the broth her dear daughter made, using only vegetable stock for flavoring. Her son had somehow gotten it in his head to bring his lucky pinwheel to give to the boy so he knows he will be safe here in Lotus Pier. She will not dissuade him, not this time, she had done enough of that for a life time. And if she can help it, she will ensure that this time, this time, Wei Wuxian will not suffer.
She is not wholly prepared to see Wei Ying, Wei Wuxian again as a painfully thin child, bruised, filthy and frost bitten all over again. A'Cheng is about 6 now, Wei Wuxian is only a week older than he is and yet he looks like he's about 3 or 4 due to his stunted growth! How could she have been so heartless last time!? Just seeing him and imagining one of her children in his place has her sick to the pits of her heart; she truly was a jealous and bitter old monster! She nearly collapses with gut wrenching sobs then and there, as Yinzhu carefully sets the boy down when he insists on being put down. She and her twin sister frown, but allow it as the boy bravely walks up to Ziyuan and offers her a rattle drum that is clearly brand new. Did he have that last time? Yes, but she had assumed that Fengmian had bought it for him. Apparently not, so where did he get it from? As if reading her mind, Wuxian's childish voice breaks into her thoughts:
"Pretty fairies gave Ying'er... Ying'er give to pretty flower lady..." He lisps out and she pulls him into a hug and sobs once more, but is thanking him and apologizing to him.
Everyone but her maids are confused, unnerved by the sight of the notorious Violet Spider crying!! And on the shoulder of some unknown child no less. The twins had had a similar break down upon stumbling upon the little boy in that snow filled back alley, fighting off sleeping and likely succumbing to his fate. Had they been any later, had he actually fallen asleep-- They were certain the child would not have woken in the morning. They had always viewed him as something inferior, something wretched and disgusting because he had upset their lady so much, but in death they had seen the world for what it was, his story for the utter tragedy it truly is and felt nothing but deep, bitter regret. Were they not once like him? Did their lady not bring them into her home and take them in?
Seeing her now on her knees and sobbing so openly is jarring, but then she calms and seems to slap her mask back into place, after she wipes her tears away and clears her throat. Yu Ziyuan gives brisk orders to get him bathed and treated before Yanli can give him the broth. Her son is not sure how to feel, but when she gives him a sharp look to behave, he jolts and bows his head a bit. She knew he had been jealous last time and upset about it all, but not this time. Jealousy will have no place in her home, not again if she can fucking help it! Her idiot husband will eventually come back after his failed hunt for the Weis. By then she hopes to have gotten Wei Ying used to living in a home with access to whatever he desired, whenever he desired it.
This time, this time she will see to it that they all get a better ending. She will hold both her grandchildren in her arms and she will make sure that the sins of her past life will be washed away...
n l m b m l n
Yu Ziyuan spent the better part of a month playing nursemaid, Sect Leader and Madam. She was exhausted, but she found it a point of pride. Her son was her little shadow, watching her every move, seeing how she gentled herself to not frighten the skittish, if ever so friendly Wei Ying. Yanli spent much time in the kitchens making broths and soupy rice to help him gain an appetite as well as some weight. Her husband had not come home yet and it was irritating her something fierce. She had run drills, though unlike in her past life, where she had only pointed out the disciples failings, she made a very glaring effort to point out the weaknesses in a much calmer manner, still firm and unyielding, but backed with praise for what they improved in, or where she had seen strength.
She had seen Wuxian do much the same and seen how readily the disciples took both the praise and criticism. She would be doing a lot of self tempering, reforging herself to be a better parent and guardian. If she could talk to past her, she would slap the shit out of the other Yu Ziyuan and berate the ever loving fuck out of her. It was while she was dead that she saw all the games that Wuxian came up with that helped keep most of their Seniors alive after the Massacre. Though they were slowly killed off during the war, where only a couple of handfuls of Jiang disciples had remained and aided her son. She will not berate a'Xian this time, she will let him have his sneaky training games.
But she will be upping their water training, she wants them to be able to dive deep and fight almost entirely underwater. Preparing for the eventual Siege on Lotus Pier now means they will have a better chance of survival. She will also need to up the protections and barriers. Perhaps when a'Xian's a bit older and after he's gotten a taste for arrays again, she will allow him to erect a barrier similar to that of Gusu Lan, where only those with a token of some kind are permitted entry. She will also need to secure escape routes and maybe fireproofing the Pier, she will not let her home burn a second time.
Yu Ziyuan looked across the way of the training field to see her sons on the porch near a'Xian's room, a scroll in her son's hands. Looks like he's helping a'Xian with his reading again, good. Jiang Cheng sat with his new friend and read from his lessons to him, sometimes he would sit on the bed with him and help him learn the characters so he could read with him. Yinzhu and Jinzhu were certain by the end of the week there would be three sick children to tend to as even Yanli hovered close by. Always fretting and fussing over them, mothering them whenever possible; it was no wonder the boys had loved her so and why her death affected them even worse. Ziyuan couldn't be prouder, even if she would be severely annoyed with three sick children at the end of the week.
However, Ziyuan was glad to see the improvements already in Wuxian. The frostbites that covered the child's hands and feet and parts of his arms and legs, were covered in thick medicinal creams and bandaged warmly, but snugly so they would heal faster and he would not lose his fingers or feet. He was bathed carefully, his hair had to be cut off because it was too ratted and matted, with fleas and other little bugs making homes in it, to dare get a comb through. Yu Ziyuan purchased hair stimulants to rub into his head to help his hair grow back faster, but healthier, after a very through cleansing of his scalp and letting small wounds and lesions heal first. He had had such beautiful hair last time, she had seen Yanli combing and playing with it often enough.
Ziyuan was looking forward to brushing it and styling it with the Yunmeng braids or the Meishan up-dos. Yanli will certainly love the activity as well and she can force a'Cheng into learning so if he ever marries, he can style his bride's hair or if he has a daughter of his own, he can bond with her by doing her hair. Shaking her head, Yu Ziyuan focuses once more on her disciples, calling out the new formation for them to practice. As she finds new issues and injuries, she feels more and more self hatred and vows to be better, to do better by Wei Wuxian and by her children. And thanks to her stepping up and working on improving and refining herself, this improves her reputation with her disciples and the people of Yunmeng. Especially since she's seen in town more often, normally toting around one of her children, teaching them the ins and outs of dealing with the common folk and how to handle various situations. She's often seen talking with other mothers and the few beggars in Lotus Pier, getting them help and the like.
She also dealt with issues in and around Yunmeng between all of this and was back to playing nursemaid before she too collapsed into bed, bone weary, but content. Between the three Meishan Yu women, they run Lotus Pier like a well made machine, kept the disciples in shape and ever improving, kept the peace while minding the three children. By the end of the month Wei Ying was showing signs of gaining weight and the cold lessening with the added weight and good fat starting to sit on his bones. He was steadily given more solid foods, though in the form of mashes like mashed potatoes, carrots and sweet peppers (If Yu Ziyuan was wary of giving him meat, it was due to the lingering images of his three months in the Burial Mounds, of watching him choke down what he could find to eat, especially the 'meat' he ate with a self loathing filled ravenous hunger).
And as the twins had feared: her children had indeed fallen ill, but recovered faster and were back to tending to Wei Ying, who was still under. Thank goodness they couldn't get sick so soon after recovering. Though she did still fuss at Yanli, who was weaker than a'Cheng and could likely fall ill again if given enough time.
"Ying'er, let me change your bandages." She says coming in after a day of court. She needed the oddly calming and centering task of examining the slowly healing appendages. She checked them for signs of rot, lesions and feeling. The disturbing bluish, near black in some spots, discoloration in others, were steadily changing back to pink, healthy flesh. She rubbed the medicine on, making sure every inch was covered and then began to bind them up. She hummed a lullaby common in Yunmeng called Rain in Jiang. It was a lovely and calming song and it helped Ying'er calm down and settle in.
"Auntie..." He shyly calls out.
"Hmm?" She looks up at him, looking shy and a bit despondent.
"Mama and Baba left Ying'er all lone... Was Ying'er naughty?" He wonders sadly.
"No, Ying'er was not naughty at all. Your Mama and Baba wanted to protect Ying'er and all the nice people, but they could not make it back and must now watch over your from the moon with Chang'e and her bunnies." She says softly pointing at the moon where the shadow of Jade the Rabbit was shining brightly.
"Ying'er like bunnies..." He admits shyly and she chuckles because he had adored bunnies in the other life, had gifted a pair to his Jades and was gifted his own bunny whom he loved and adored.
She wondered if he would get his Little Radish again. She had ached to hold the adorable child, but had been dead and could only hover near his crib at night, singing Yunmeng and Meishan lullabies so he would not wake his exhausted mother. Even while barely surviving in a land meant for the dead, Wei Wuxian proved to be a far better mother than she had ever been with all the power and money of a Great Sect at her beck and call. She remembered how utterly devoted he was to little a'Yuan. She certainly hoped that he would have the darling boy again, and so many more. Yu Ziyuan would love to hold her grandchild and sing to him, to press kisses to his little button nose. She wanted to hold a'Ling as well. Spoil them both with treats and presents! She needs to work on plans to get her daughter and son on the right track to happiness much sooner, she needs to hold her grandbabies!!
"Never doubt that you are loved, Ying'er by your parents. They may no longer be here with you, but you still have family who love you very much. There is your Jiejie and Didi, you are also loved by your aunties Yinzhu and Jinzhu, even if they don't always show it. And you are very loved by me... I promised your a'Niang that should anything have happened to her and your Baba, I was going to take you in." She assures him. "We will love you more than enough for your Baba and Mama and they will guide you through spirit. You must be good and kind, always help others and no matter what anyone says, do what you believe is right and apologize to no one undeserving." She tells him firmly.
"Yes, auntie..." He yawns sleepily and she kisses his temple as she tucks him warmly into bed.
She turns to see her son and daughter and ushers them to climb carefully onto the bed and tucks them in as well, reminding them to be careful of his injuries before she kisses them good night and slides the door closed. Making sure to leave only a crack so the torches in the hall could send a bit of light into the room. A'Cheng would never admit it, but he was still afraid to sleep in the dark, alone just yet.
She heads to her rooms and like many times this month, she barely gets into her night robes before she is falling half asleep into bed. She hardly stirs as Yinzhu carefully places her properly into bed and tucks her in. Jinzhu cleaning up the mess and both sisters going to their room, but leaving the door cracked to hear if their madam or the children need them...
n l m b m l n
Jiang Fengmian finally comes home about another month later looking utterly defeated, but is shocked when he sees not only his son and daughter at the dining table with a third child sitting between the the two of them. A child who looked like a mini Wei Changze, minus the silver eyes of his mother, her smile and laugh. The child he had been searching for two months straight was here!? But how!?
"Where have you been, husband!?" Madam Yu hisses softly, careful to keep the tension from the children even as she marches over and shoves his shoulder discreetly. "I had been running the place and minding the children for 2 months! 2 months, Fengmian!" She growls lowly.
"You found him!? Where, how!?" He gasps, ignoring everything else. "Is it really him? Is it really Wei Ying?" He asks.
Madam Yu does not like the look of longing on his face. She hated it last time too, but there was a wrongness to it that set her metaphorical hackles on edge. If she were the fierce tigress she often portrayed to others: her fangs would be bared in a deadly snarl of warning, her tail lashing with aggressive protectiveness and her back arched as she prepared to pounce. She was also deeply unsettled. Was that look in his eyes last time? She cannot recall, her hatred, jealousy and insecurities blinded her terribly. She would need to meditate on this later, maybe confer with Yinzhu and Jinzhu, maybe they would have a clearer memory? Quickly shaking off the odd feeling, she snapped out:
"Never you mind that! You just up and left with no warning and are just now returning! Answer me!" She hisses softly, still mindful to keep the tension to a minimum. She never did that last time and had left the tension to fester, to become a plague that consumed her. It certainly lent credit to the rumors of Wei Ying being Fengmian's bastard and favored child. But had there always been this wrongness about his affections? She wonders, shielding the children as best she could as they chatter and giggle around a simple vegetable and chicken stir fry lunch. Her maids keeping a more closer watch as they sense their lady's unease. Yinzhu standing a bit closer to Wei Ying, more than Jiang Cheng, who could easily run where Wei Ying could not, if things got too heated.
"I looked for a'Ze and his wife, but could not find anything, save this: his crushed clarity bell and the broken shaft of a'Ren's flute--" he startles when she snatches them from him, a scowl on her face. "My lady--"
"Then you should have found Ying'er in Yiling!" She snaps heatedly, glaring at him. "They were not far from there! Yinzhu." She calls and the younger twin quickly walks up and accepts the items as they are handed to her, Jinzhu easily taking her previous place. "Have the Bell restored, if possible, if not, restore it enough to keep as a momento. If it can be fully restored, tell the bell smith to add charms of resonance and harmony. As for the flute, send it to Gusu and request they repair it if not use it to make a new flute for Ying'er." She orders and spins on heel, Yinzhu, giving a firm bow and quickly leaving as her sister adjusts subtly, ready to flee with the children at the drop of flower petal. "As for you, husband, you are filthy, go make yourself presentable and then get to work on the backlog of paper work!" She snaps finally, loud enough for the children to become alerted to his presence and his son and daughter get up to greet him, but he ignores them to approach Wei Ying.
Madam Yu nearly spits fire, it seems history is doomed to repeat itself in some aspects, but it's the way Ying'er shies away from him, looking nervous, that cools the cutting remarks she is about to spew (Oh thank the 9 Heavens! She nearly backslid, that would have been disastrous). Her son leans as far away from her husband as much as he can without falling from the chair and obeying her lecture on proper posture. She would be so amused and proud, if this was any other moment than now. She quickly calls two adult disciples to haul her husband to the baths and once he is gone she seems to relax and she assures her children that their father did not mean to ignore them (she will certainly give him hell for that, later tonight) and asked Wei Ying if he was alright.
"..... Scary...." Is all he says and is now subdue during lunch, which he barely touches. This worries her greatly. Did she miss something last time?
Things at Lotus Pier settled into an oddly peaceful, but just as oddly tense routine after that. Madam Yu did her level best to run her home, making sure the disciples were up to the Meishan Yu standards because clearly her husband could care less about the Jiang Standards. She also made sure her children were well looked after and started Ying'er on his lessons. She remembers how easily bored he becomes and opted to have him learn reading and writing while he was on bed rest.
She made sure his hand writing was much better than it been previously, though she had learned that the beautifully made plaques that were hung above all their doors with their names, last time, were his actual penmanship and not his usual chicken scratch. It seems his genius had no limits because he purposely used that horrendous chicken scratch to keep would-be thieves out of his notes and ideas. It also forced her children to learn to read messy scrawls so he could pass on secret messages and info. It would also help them read hastily written messages, or ransom notes should they be kidnapped. He had ensured her children could read anything, no matter how terrible it looked, with little to no mistakes.
Truly, he was far too cunning and clever for his own good and seriously she had been a gods be damned fool. His level of genius was frightening at times and she's seen what he's capable of if he ever gives into his darker impulses. However, his genius aside, it was the concerning behavior between her adopted son and husband that had her worried right now. Yu Ziyuan had to keep her husband busy with office work and meetings whenever possible and made sure Ying'er was never alone with him. She did not understand why her husband made him so scared and uncomfortable. In her last life, the man practically doted on him from the get go. Did she miss something glaringly important last time?
She was trying to remember if their interactions were as they appeared or had her jealously and anger really blinded her to something more sinister and less innocent? Yinzhu and Jinzhu were having trouble recalling those moments as well since they made it a point to avoid the child at all costs and when they did have to interact with him it was to deliver the rather severe and highly unwarranted punishments he'd often suffered at Yu Ziyuan's hand. It made something bitter and acrid twist in their stomachs and no amount of vinegar and sugar could replace it. They were cursing their past selves for their blind stupidity and inadequacies.
So instead, to make up for their past sins, the three Meishan women set about making things better and safer where they can. And like that Ying'er recovered in under a year. He gained the much needed weight for a child his age and was well on his way to being a well learned young master. This time she and Fengmian agreed to adopt him into the house and she made sure he had plenty of his favorite items, but always accented with the Jiang colors and even a second master's guan was made so her boys matched even if Wei Ying was a week older. He was second because he was not the blood heir. He had also requested to keep his Surname, though he doesn't mind if they introduce him as Jiang Wuxian at special events (Madam Yu did not squeal with delight, squealing was for babies and pigs, not a dignified Lady (Yinzhu and Jinzhu shared a glance and squeal with delight, ignoring their lady's denials)).
He took to his lessons with a vigor she had missed last time especially when she would take him aside and teach him things she recalled learning from his mother, as well as her own sect. Like last time, he flourished in a way that her son had not, but this time instead of setting the boys against one another, she encouraged them to work together, where one fails the other will pick up the slack and vice versa until the impossible was made manageable. Her boys grew close, mischievous and talented. Her daughter, she decided to keep her in training rather than letting her poor health and weak core be sins against her. Not this time.
She remembers from her time dead that Jiang Yanli had learned warding and talismans from Wei Ying and while not very talented due to how late she learned them, she was surprisingly strong with defensive ones and even stronger with those that were meant to help heal. She was a nurturer by nature and thus defense and healing were her strong suits so that is where Ziyuan focused. Her daughter would attend lessons with the healers and talisman crafting with Ying'er, but all three would learn the sword and knife because they will need to learn to protect themselves and each other just in case history repeats.
And yes, she was keeping a private diary with all the major events that lead to the downfall of so many, but especially Wei Wuxian's, she will make sure he lives past his 20th year, even if she has to die again. For her son, she gave him extra lessons, with Sect Heir Duties and private lessons with her on whip training. He had been quite talented from having only ever watched his mother wield Zidian, but with formal training he would be near unstoppable. She was already having her family create a special whip for him, similar to Zidian. She was also commissioning something for her Yanli, her daughter seemed to focus on ranged weapons, but she needs to find her a close combat weapon just in case she cannot get enough space to fight how she is use to.
By the time the children were old enough and strong enough to be presented their bells and swords, they were already heralded as the 'Three Petal Lotus of Yunmeng' and had a following. She could not be prouder! But still there was the unease with Fengmian and she was loath to let it fester anymore. She's learned that allowing anything to fester was inviting trouble and it's been a few years already. So she decided to lay a trap of sorts. She will have to beg forgiveness later from Wei Changze and Cangse Sanren(Not that she already doesn't need to grovel for her past sins, but to use their child as bait is a different story), but if what she believes is there happens, they will understand she only did it to nip it in the bud.
If it was just her paranoia making things seem more sinister than they actually are, then there is no true danger. And she really hopes for the later, but Ziyuan's not a fool to hope for the best. So, she pretended to leave for Meishan for a few days, taking nearly her entire entourage with her, leaving only a few lower ranked maids to tend the children, who by now were capable of minding themselves and each other. Yanli is after all 13 and the boys were both 10, she's pretty sure they could run Lotus Pier between the three of them, the only thing they wouldn't be able to do is the paperwork. She finds the image in her head both endearing and hilarious.
But if what she thought her Husband's issue was in fact THAT, he will take advantage of her 'lack of guard,' but she made sure to stress to three of her oldest disciples to keep a close watch and subdue him without the children's notice. She would figure out what to do with him after that. This situation can irreparably break the relationship between Fengmian and not only the kids, but the disciples as well. And if it got out, Yunmeng's reputation will be irrecoverable. She needs to play this carefully. She will gladly abandon Fengmian and if she must, she will abandon Yunmeng and take the children to Meishan. Ziyuan was indeed like the patient spider lying in wait for her prey to fly into the trap. Now if Fengmian's notorious spinelessness kicks in, then she can at least find mind healers for Ying'er. And maybe send some of her more sadistic disciples to hunt down a few disgusting pigs to practice on.
She also had a few ulterior motives for this: it was time she invited the Jades to meet her Ying'er. And perhaps the Dafan Wens as well. She will need to also speak with Lang Meilong, the Madam Jin, about letting their son and daughter meet and get to know each other, much more often than they've been so far. Last time their happiness was nearly ruined and then cut short, she will not let that happen again nor will she allow Jin Guangshan to hold the marriage over her children's heads to in-debt them to him in an attempt to capture her Ying'er. She just hoped she was wrong and that Fengmian would not act on this. That he would remain spineless and listless as much as it irks her...