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It wasn’t like Buck was expecting the dinner to go off without a hitch despite the fact that they’ve been mending their relationship for the last year or so. But he definitely did not expect it to go as spectacularly wrong as it did. Though, really, he should have known better. The peaceful—in hindsight it was more distant than actually peaceful—relationship between him and his parents was really too good to be true, and obviously built on a bridge made of toothpicks rather than steel. It definitely collapsed like one.
It was supposed to be a nice dinner at Maddie’s house, and really that should have been a sign—an omen. But the last time his parents had visited, that time when Albert surprised everyone with Chim’s dad and right before Buck had been struck by lightning had been fine; had lured Buck into a false sense of security apparently. Even the wedding interaction was amicable, though they were a little aloof when he’d introduced Tommy to them, Buck had chalked it up to shock at finding out their son was suddenly dating a man—which, fair. But he’d really thought they were getting better, that his parents were finally seeing him for himself (and not for Daniel).
How wrong he was.
Buck had a weird niggling feeling at the back of his head before he’d gotten in the car to head to Maddie’s, though he pushed it away. He’d thought it was just because Tommy had to head into work last minute, therefore canceling on the family dinner (not that Buck minded, their relationship was still relatively new and he wanted to ease Tommy into their family dynamic, not throw him to the wolves—another sign he also missed). But the air felt tense whenever Buck was left alone with his parents for even just a second, and it was always only for a second, all night. He hadn’t actually paid that much mind until after they’d eaten and Chim left to put Jee to bed.
That was when things imploded.
And no surprise, it was his parents—his mom, as always—that started it. With one simple sentence.
“Well, I’m glad you’re over your little phase.” Was what Margaret had said, patting Buck on the arm as she walked past him into the living room.
And Buck wasn’t really sure what she meant at first. He hasn’t really talked to them since they left the day after Maddie and Chimney’s wedding. He also hasn’t really been into any ‘little phase’ that he can think of. There was no new hobby or information deep dive that was really worth noting, especially not anything he’d tell his mom about.
Then he heard the next thing she had said, “You’re a little old to be experimenting don’t you think?” The absolute derision he’d heard in that one simple sentence had Buck flinching involuntarily.
Oh.
His little phase.
They were talking about Tommy. About Buck dating a man.
And of course Buck couldn’t help himself. His hackles rose immediately once he understood the meaning behind his mother’s words.
“What are you trying to say?” He turned to face Margaret. Beside him, he felt Maddie reach out a hand, whether it’s to calm or support him he didn’t know but appreciated it either way.
“It’s embarrassing, Evan,” Margaret seemed to not have noticed that Buck was less than happy as she continued talking, tone dismissive. “Bringing a man to your sister’s wedding. You’re simply too old to be throwing tantrums like that.”
Tantrums?
“Tantrums?” Buck whispered, repeating the word to himself hoping it would make sense if he said it again. It did not. “You think me having a boyfriend is somehow throwing a ‘tantrum’?”
“Boyfriend?” This time it was Phillip chiming in. He’d stayed silent up until now, sitting quietly in one of the sofas in the living room.
“Please Evan, tell me you’re not still keeping up that charade.” Margaret’s voice grated on Buck’s nerves and he wanted nothing more than to grab it and chuck it out the window.
“You don’t really think you’re gay are you?” Phillip’s tone was no better. Worse perhaps because Buck can already see his next words before they’re even spoken. He really hoped he was wrong, but Buck has no such luck unfortunately. “We wouldn’t have a gay son.”
What.
“Dad!”
Maddie made to rush forward only to be pulled back by Buck, who stepped forward. He was a child anymore, he didn’t need his sister to fight his battles for him.
“That’s not how that works. And I’m not gay, I’m bisexual; I like women and men.” He pulls himself up to his full height. He’s not afraid to show who he is and he’s proud to be a bisexual, proud to be dating a man like Tommy. He’s not going to let naysayers like his parents make him feel bad about himself.
“So you’re just greedy, like always.”
Buck sees red.
And then everything happens in a blur. More words were said, lobbed back and forth between Buck and his parents. Maddie joins in, hissing at their parents as she tries her best to protect Buck. Chimney jumps into the fray when he comes back to the living room to find a battle zone. Turns out it was okay if other people were gay, but they “won’t allow that kind of behavior” in their household. To which Buck said that, “fortunately, [he] didn’t live in their household anymore.”
Then more vitriol and words were tossed across the living, whispers and tears and more angry hisses from both sides of the argument until Margaret says those words.
“You were always such a disappointment.” Margaret had said, crocodile tears falling from her eyes, curled into Phillip’s arms as if she’s the victim in all of this. “Daniel would never be like this.”
Buck must have said something, or maybe he didn’t. He barely remembers running out the door, Maddie and Chimney yelling after him. Vaguely, he recalls seeing Maddie through the window, yelling at their parents, but he doesn’t stay to watch. He just can’t stay there—anywhere in the vicinity of Margaret and Phillip Buckley—for another second.
Buck barely recalls getting in his car, but he must have before now that he’s finally stopped, he finds himself sitting in his car. He’s breathing hard, heart rate sky high. It feels like there’s a giant stone crushing him, making it hard to breathe, but his head is starting to clear from the haze it was under. And now he feels like an idiot for thinking his parents would ever see him as anything more than the burden that failed to save their precious Daniel. Part of him has wanted to hate this brother he’s never even really known—definitely has zero recollection of—but he can’t. It wasn’t Daniel’s fault that he was diagnosed with leukemia and it wasn’t Daniel’s fault that Margaret and Phillip thought it was best to create a baby to help him, and it certainly wasn’t Daniel’s fault that the ‘solution’ didn’t work.
It wasn’t Buck’s either. He knows that now.
Sometimes he wishes it was, so at least the disdain his parents have for him would make more sense. But, no. They hate him for existing even though they’re the reason he does anyway.
Buck inhales shakily.
God, Buck doesn’t even know how long it’s been since he’s essentially ran away. He looks at the clock on his phone. Three hours. Maddie and Chimney must be worried, he thinks. And Tommy. He feels so stupid. Running off like a kid, throwing a tantrum just like Margaret had said earlier.
Another inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.
Then he reaches for his key that’s still stuck in the ignition. He turns it and….nothing.
Not even a sputter.
What the fuck?
Buck tries again. Still nothing. It’s just Buck, somewhere in the middle of some highway in California, his Jeep, and silence.
Fuck.
He bangs his fist on the steering wheel, missing once and hitting the horn, the sound loud in the silence of the night. Buck’s ears ring and he exhales a long sigh. What’s he going to do now? It’s late, he doesn’t want to burden Maddie and Chimney anymore (he’s caused enough trouble for them today—probably owes them coffee and breakfast for the foreseeable future leaving them to deal with Margaret and Phillip). He doesn’t want to call Bobby or Athena, and everyone else has kids they can’t leave home alone.
And it’s right as his mind turns to Tommy, hand already reaching for his phone again that said device lights up. Tommy’s name on the caller ID.
“Evan!” Tommy’s voice comes through the speaker the second the call is picked up. He sounds frantic. It sounded like he was somewhere extremely windy, the noise loud and statically through the phone. “Where are you?”
“I—I don’t know.” Buck looks around and then down at his phone. “I think I’m somewhere on the PCH?”
He doesn’t see a mile marker anywhere close to him, but he can faintly make out the ocean off in the distance. Buck tells Tommy as much, now even more regretful for just running out and not paying attention to where he was going. Luckily he was fine; that he also didn’t end up accidentally hurting anyone else. Only managing to strand himself.
“Don’t move, okay?” Tommy’s voice tells him and Buck nods even though no one can see him. “Stay right where you are, baby.”
“Can’t go anywhere anyway. Car’s dead.”
“Wait for me.”
“Wai—” Buck cuts himself off. How would Tommy even find him? But he doesn’t ask it out loud. He doesn’t need to, because he trusts Tommy enough to leave it up to the other man. “Okay.”
The noise on the other side of the phone gets louder and louder. Then it occurs to Buck that Tommy was supposed to be at work, which means that the wind he was hearing was most likely one of the Harbor’s choppers. Before Buck could ask though, Tommy’s voice came out of the phone’s speakers again, fainted than before, “Wait for me, sweetheart.”
And then the call ends.
Buck can do nothing but wait.
But he’s not worried. Not anymore. Knowing that Tommy is on his way, that the other man will find him one way or another. Buck feels nothing but warmth. He knows even more now that Margaret and Phillip were wrong about everything, about him, and about Tommy. Because the man that is piloting a whole ass helicopter to come get him can’t be anything but the right choice.
By the time bright flood lights shine down on Buck’s jeep and the familiar sound of a helicopter hitting his ear, he doesn’t know how much more time has passed.
By the time Tommy’s arms are wrapping themselves around his body, pulling him into that warm, broad chest, Buck doesn’t care how much time has passed.
By the time he’s climb into the helicopter, putting the headset on, and hearing Tommy’s low voice in his ear, Buck doesn’t care that he may no longer have any sort of relationship with his parents. Because he has Tommy.
(He also has Maddie and Chimney, Eddie and Christopher, and the rest of the 118. He’s not lacking in family and people who love him for him.)
“I love you.” He says into the headset.
He was lost, but he knows that now he won’t ever be lost again.
“I love you.” He says again and smiles at the half startled look on Tommy’s face—startled but happy. “Thank you for finding me.” And they both know that Buck isn’t just talking about being picked up by an LAFD chopper from the middle of nowhere on the PCH.
“I love you, too, Evan. I’ll always come for you, no matter what. If you need me, I’ll always be there.”