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His heart was pounding.
Or rather, it was kicking. Right against the leg of the table in front of him, making the cup of milk tea on it tremor dangerously every couple of seconds.
Force angled his head to send it a stern look. “Dude, cut it out.”
The organ paused briefly, only to then circle around until the tiny feet sticking out underneath its bottom were facing his way. And promptly ran over to give the leg of the chair he was sitting on a kick so hard Jürgen Klopp would’ve shed tears of joy at it.
“Fine. That’s it!” He didn’t disguise his irritation this time. “You’re going back in.”
Immediately, the heart froze, coming to a standstill a short distance from him. Regardless, it was enough that by the time he went to grab it, its pink hue was already disappearing out of sight, dashing full speed to hide behind one of the lounge seats at the back of the prep room.
“Come back here right now!” he called after it, a second too late.
How on earth the fat beast even managed to be that quick was a question for the ages. Over the two decades since it had jumped out of him for the first time, what had been a dumpling-sized thing had grown so much, even Paofeii regularly hid when it came at her in excitement whenever he returned home from work trips.
He put his head close to the floor and peered under the bottom of the couch.
“Get out of there,” he tried to beckon in a reasoning tone. “We have a long shoot ahead of us and he won't have time to babysit you once everyone is here. If you refuse to behave, you’re staying inside.”
The tight space didn’t give much for light, but it was still enough with the glow his heart gave out that he could see it stomp one foot in frustration.
There was a common joke he heard a lot from his family members growing up. How they all figured out early on that he was going to grow as tall as he did just to catch up with all the feelings he had, and to make sure has enough space for a massive heart inside his torso.
Of course, none of them had expected it to turn out the way it had, not the size, and not the unwillingness to stay inside at the smallest hint of missing out on some fun.
Its first appearance came just from a set of curious fingers run over the fur of a puppy, not even close to the excitement they were surrounded by as adults on a daily basis.
Not to mention all the new people to make friends with - and those who were already their friends.
If it wasn’t for the need to rest inside a chest occasionally, it would probably prefer to spend every waking moment bumbling around freely. He knew that his chest was a tight fit for it, knew that it loved the hustle and bustle of the outside world. Still, he couldn’t let it throw a tantrum on a shooting day, especially with the timeline being short to get in the pictures.
“Get. Out.” He reached out one arm to swipe over the floor, intent on chasing it out, when the door behind him opened.
“What’s going on here?” came a curious voice, one as familiar as the sound of his own breathing.
Force watched his heart jump in place, and before he could make another go at getting it, a blurry red form was squeezing through the small gap between the furniture and the floor and flashing past him.
The hurried tapping of feet was only interrupted by the happy Oh! Book let out seconds later.
By the time he looked, his friend was already bending down to pick his heart up from where it was trying to climb up his sneakers.
“Hey buddy,” Book cooed, hugging the organ once before gently throwing it into the air and catching it a few times. “Aww, were you fighting dust bunnies again?”
Force fought the urge to shiver as Book stopped playing and gently blew the dust off his heart, the tickle of his warm breath echoing inside his empty ribcage. The little traitor receiving his friend’s attention kept turning redder, even as Force tried to keep his face from doing the same.
“Have you been bullying my favorite little buddy again?” Book asked with a teasing smile when he finally focused on him, holding the heart in the bend of his elbow as he brushed its front clean with delicate movements of his fingers.
Force rolled his eyes at the content kicking of small feet, coughing pointedly as he dusted off his knees and the sleeves of his shirt. “Your buddy was being an annoying little asshole again. No need to baby it.”
“Ai Force! Don’t be mean to your heart!” Book pivoted his body protectively so the monster was hidden from his irate gaze.
It was a myth that hearts were able to communicate other than with color and movement, but he was convinced his was making a giggling noise as it wriggled in Book’s arms.
He made his way over to his friend, gesturing at him to give his burden over. Book did so with a soft expression, slowly placing it in Force’s hands and watching until the last second as it disappeared when he held it to his chest.
Glancing down at the small smile on Book’s face, he forced himself to fight the flush on his cheeks at their closeness, grateful that no one else was there yet to watch his heart make a fool out of itself and him again.
He was lucky to have found a profession where showing his heart was so widely accepted, as opposed to the strict codes many offices and other workspaces had until that day. Still, there were times he wished he had a better grasp on things. Like his partner, who had a firm rule about keeping his inner workings private at work.
In fact, it had been years since Force had last seen his friend’s heart, back in school when it used to sit on Book's shoulder as he studied inside the library, or run after him as he kicked a ball around the sports field with his friend Petch.
And there were probably many more such instances Force had missed out on, not knowing what a privilege he was taking for granted.
“You could’ve let it roam,” Book interrupted his wistful musings. “I don’t mind keeping it company.”
“I know.”
And Force did. Even though his heart literally jumped at every opportunity to hang around his other friends and acquaintances while they were both busy during shoots, the other times it usually spent napping on or around Book, or contentedly relaxing in his hold as he read his lines.
If the fans ever found out how many unreleased videos of his slumbering partner he had in his phone’s storage that he couldn’t let them see because he didn’t post his heart on his socials, Force would be in serious trouble.
It took insanely good timing to catch a few seconds of Book’s eyes falling shut before the organ pounced on him, happily taking up the real estate of his friend’s lap. Force swore it even had a specific, preening look to it when it pulled the move off successfully.
Though he would probably be asked to visit a mental health professional if he ever admitted to thinking that publically - at least that’s how he interpreted the doubtful look on Jimmy’s face the single time Force jokingly alluded to his heart trying to make him jealous.
“Are you ready for today?” His eyes followed the other man as he walked over to the couches to sit.
Book nodded. “It’s exciting. I can’t wait to see the clothes.”
That excitement wasn’t openly visible, but that had likely more to do with the early morning hour, rather than boredom on his part.
Paris was going to be their second fashion week appearance that year, and their third overall. But he himself still felt nervous at the thought of the next few days.
Despite the upwind their careers had received with their second series, the amount of opportunities they had been blessed to receive since then never turned into something either one of them could get accustomed to.
Force sat down next to his friend, as close as he could allow himself. With the organ back inside again, Book’s proximity was even more difficult to bear compared to usual.
The satisfied pounding he felt in his body was loud in his ears, almost pushing against his throat. But at least the years they spent acting out romantic scenes together had established already that it couldn’t actually be heard from the outside.
It only got worse when Book leaned right up against him, his warm skin sending goosebumps down his arm.
“I can’t believe this is our life,” Book said unexpectedly, his eyes so close each lash could be counted individually.
His hand fought the urge to go up to his sternum in protection. Even if Book had likely meant the words as a throwaway remark, the mere concept of him calling a work milestone they had achieved together part of their shared lives made his heart fight against the constraints of his body.
Only when Book looked away shyly after a few moments, did Force's brain wake up from its stupor.
“Me neither,” he replied belatedly.
The door falling open more loudly this time brought an unfortunate end to the calm of their solitude. The chatter of the makeup team and stylists, as they walked in with their kits and garment bags in tow, saved him from uttering another clumsy word.
There was barely any opportunity to talk intimately after that. The fitting and following photoshoot took up the entire morning, and just once his heart behaved, remaining confined even as it purred in delight at some of the closer poses they had to do.
One might've thought that it would have gotten used to that after all the years, but that wasn’t the case, and Force privately doubted that it ever would be. Nothing was likely to ever stop his heart from wanting to climb its way out of him at the feeling of Book’s body under his fingertips as they took the paired shots.
It only got more intense when the photographer had them reenact their latest series poster as a fun thing to post for their fans as a behind-the-scenes later on.
Taking a steadying breath, Force looked down at his partner’s lips as he held him by his nape, pressing their upper bodies close in a suggestive manner. The only thing missing was the knife in Book’s hand that should've been angled against his back.
It was a fighting battle to keep his heart to behave at that, especially when Book sent him a private grin at the dramatic pose.
One inattentive second of letting his imagination run wild, and Force was already reaping the consequences.
Thankfully, he was saved from the embarrassment as the shoot director yelled that they were done, just as it happened.
Predictably, a laugh sounded through the room at the familiar sign of the work part of the day being over, Force’s heart leaping out to toddle towards the stylists already clamoring for it.
Book’s gaze followed it after he had finished thanking the photographer for her work. When Force turned that way, one of the makeup girls was holding out her arms for his heart to climb into.
“Are they waiting for you?” Book asked after watching for a while.
“Yeah, we’re trying out the salad place Dunk always babbles on about. Gotta keep that definition for a few more days." He patted a palm over his stomach in hopes of making Book laugh. “You wanna join?”
When they had made plans a week prior, Book was having his turn with the managers to clear up the posting schedule for the event, and Force only just remembered that he’d completely forgotten to invite him afterward.
Just as the other man was about to reply, a loud exclamation came from the side of the room.
“I think they get along well!” Pai called out in a throaty chuckle, and they both turned to see her now sitting, the two hearts on her lap.
Hers looked picture-perfect next to his, like something out of a children’s book.
Slightly smaller and a perfectly symmetrical shape, it was the color of a delicate pink that spoke of a life without hardship, heartbreak never experienced or easily shaken off. Even the glow looked like something out of a vitamin commercial, a bubblegum pink pulsing out from the middle like a tealight was centered inside.
In his mind, Force could practically hear the monks ohh and ahh at the sight of it, all of the characteristics of a life showered by luck and love.
“You guys go ahead.”
His head whipped around towards Book, who was looking down while he took off his dress shoes. When those were off, he stepped behind one of the racks full of clothes.
“Are you sure? You had just one boba the entire morning.” Force frowned. "You know, with your caloric intake-"
The top of Book's head appeared over the side of the clothes bags, and he said something too quiet for him to understand over the racket the crew was making, even if Force could guess the context from his glare.
There was another commotion as the others laughed loudly at the two hearts, who had jumped off Pai’s lap and were now chasing each other around the floor.
Her face was unreadable, something like pleasure mixed with pride in it, even as she made no sign of noticing the attention.
“I’ll grab something later,” Book said when he reappeared. “Fluke asked me to come over if I'm free.”
“Oh, okay.” Force swallowed down the disappointment in his tone so it wasn’t so obvious.
A second later, he heard hurried steps at his feet as his heart came towards him, jumping up and down in a request to be picked up.
He did so absentmindedly, still watching Book as he slipped on his oversized sweater from the latest Pluto drop. Force ignored the group behind him, who were now apparently talking about some new TikTok trend.
A question lay on his tongue, something about the moment giving him the distant impression that he was missing something. But before it was fully formed, Book was already pulling the ugly bag he’d been using for years on his shoulder, a clear sign of his readiness to leave.
Still, he made time to pause and tickle his fingers over one side of Force’s heart, like he was petting a sweet kitten and not an organ the size of a soccer ball, regularly making people trip and fall on their faces when it ran across sets.
Though Book’s gentleness might have to do with that miraculously never happening to him.
“See you tomorrow, buddy,” Book told it, and then looked up to address Force at last. “Don’t stay up too late if you do go to a party later.”
Breathing through the purr coming from above his diaphragm as his heart burrowed back inside him, Force answered as steadily as he could. “You better take your own advice and don’t stay up listening to ghost stories. We can't have you on low battery again.”
“You got me.” Book eyes scrunched up adorably as he laughed. “But I promise I’ll be good tonight.”
Book gave nods of goodbyes as he left the room, even if most of the crew was too distracted comparing hearts to notice them, and closed the door behind him with a muted click.
Not for the first time, Force wished that he had been able to predict what the future would bring, back when they lived so much of their youth on parallel paths to each other. That he hadn’t taken for granted what seemed so unattainable now. Those stolen glances he paid not much mind to, and would now do unspeakable things to be able to replicate and memorize.
“Hurry up!” Pai called with a grin on her lips, tilting her head towards the door immediately after it fell shut.
He nodded, suddenly aware that he had been too preoccupied to even start getting ready. “Sure, just let me change quickly. I’ll catch up in a minute.”
“Oh, there's no need to be shy! We’ve all seen the goods by now." She gave him a wink. “I have all of the good scenes from Scarlet Heart saved on my phone.”
“Yeah, sure,” Force pushed out a laugh, his hands going up to play with the button on his dress shirt. Briefly, he threw his head back towards the closed-off space in the corner where Book had undressed.
Fortunately, Pai continued like she hadn’t noticed his stiltedness. “Not that there's anything to hide in any case. Most of us have held your heart dozens of times by now.”
He rubbed a hand under his collarbone, feeling put out on the spot in a strange way, like when reporters asked him questions they were perfectly aware he couldn't answer outright.
“Uhm, I hope that doesn’t bother you too much. It’s always been pretty outgoing,” he muttered.
There were still people, even in his parents’ generation, who considered holding another person's heart a privilege to be kept between romantic partners. The last thing he wanted was to give anyone the wrong idea, or for the crew to be uncomfortable around him.
Fortunately, Pai reassured him on the spot. “No way! I only trust guys whose hearts I’ve seen. Who knows what people are hiding otherwise.”
“It’s a very personal decision, I think." He cleared his throat, a little embarrassed. “Especially when you’re in the public eye.”
It wasn’t that he enjoyed stressing his status among his coworkers, but at times it seemed like some of them couldn’t quite relate to the realities of that side of the job.
Perhaps it was different for regular people, but there were enough celebrities - especially those working in fixed couples - who preferred not to show their real hearts and let graphic designers do their part for shoots. Not least because many situations required the hearts of paired ships to have a certain aesthetic that often didn’t match up with real life.
There were a handful of those cases even within their company - his partner notably being someone who didn’t show it at all.
“And I totally get that,” Pai affirmed quickly. “It’s better to keep things from fans. It’s just those that refuse to even behind the scenes that creep me out.”
Force felt a furrow between his brows, but the hair stylists yelled at them to hurry up, leaving him no time to collect his thoughts.
By the time he had changed and left the room a step behind the group, he didn’t feel that hungry anymore, but followed regardless.
**
Paris was beautiful. Granted, they barely had any time to take it all in between the last-minute fittings and greeting dinner on the first day and then the photoshoots and the runway show itself on the second.
Those forty-eight hours had passed in the blink of an eye, but at least the company had been willing to add additional hotel stays not covered by the brand that had invited them, so they were free to explore the city properly with the main event being over. There would still be some unofficial work, like shooting content for social media, but apart from that, they were simply tourists for the next few days.
Everything had gone off without a hitch - there wasn’t even the usual scramble to find something Book had lost, since Force had learned from previous experiences and kept his partner's essentials on himself most of the time.
Part of the team had already left earlier for pre-drinks, and the few stragglers were similarly deep in discussions on where to head first. The stress of the show prep was obviously long off their shoulders, something he couldn't claim for himself.
While he and Book had been picked up by the translators and brand managers in the early afternoon, all they had to do was wait for them to return from the event in the comfort of the spacious hotel they were staying in.
Force, tired and still jetlagged from the flight and what felt like nonstop work since then, was still contemplating how to weasel out of joining them.
“But you have to,” Push, the new camera guy, said when Force dared to utter his thoughts out loud. “We’re in Paris!”
“Sure. But we still have two full days left and I’ve been posing in the cold with barely any clothes on since dawn." A mix between an exhausted sigh and a tired yawn escaped him involuntarily. “I could use a hot bath and some good room service. I can't even remember the last time I saw a carb up close.”
The fact that he was basically repeating what Book had said a few minutes ago when he said goodnight and left for their shared room wasn’t lost on him. And that had been accepted without any resistance or even much acknowledgment.
Pai had been putting away her kit, but started paying attention at his words. “No way! That’s so boring. And I already told Rope to book you a ticket to the show, as well!”
He couldn't help but wince. No amount of convincing he attempted to do could get them to understand that visiting an erotic dance show wasn’t as easy for an actor as it was for them.
More than a dozen of the fans who had yelled their names in front of the show had been similarly waiting in front of the hotel entrance when they got back. And he was certain at least a few of them were still there, their cameras ready and their cars close by.
“Yeah, I should probably skip that one. But we can do something together tomorrow. If you want, I’ll ask the translator for tips, she is a local.” He smiled at them and was thrown for a loop when Pai rolled her eyes at him curtly.
“I bet if Book wanted to go to some lame-ass exhibition right now, you could manage that.”
The insinuation in her voice had him taken aback.
“I’m not sure what Book has to do with me being tire-“ he started, but was cut off by Push, who made a sound at the mention of his partner’s name.
“I forgot to answer P'Book,” he called out. “He texted to ask if I had time to film you guys tomorrow.”
“Film us?”
“You know, your Europe travel tradition that started in Rome? Where you do one for each city.” He sent Force a wide grin. “Tell him I’d love to help out, the videos are always so cute.”
The young man made a point of miming the last reel they did earlier that year in Berlin, this time for Book’s Insta again. Them grabbing each other by their hands and spinning until either one or the other inevitably lost balance.
They had filmed it in front of a few landmarks and street art pieces, and watching it back Force almost felt pity for the fans, who only saw it with the trending sound laid over the footage, and not with Book’s joyful laugh ringing in their ears.
Reminiscing about that brought back the bliss of those moments, and without any warning, his heart was hopping out of his chest to skip towards the laughing cameraman, who picked it up as soon as he noticed it.
“Wait, I got it,” Push said as he held it up over his head.
Meanwhile, his own more chill organ climbed out of him to walk the length of an arm until it could press its side against Force’s heart in a greeting.
The young man put them down on the floor together so they could get acquainted, and turned to Force. “You should do the ‘When hearts meet’ trend that’s been going around!”
Push sounded eager, and Force was about to remind him that showing his heart that prominently for content wasn’t something he ever did, when Pai snorted abruptly.
“Yeah, that’s not going to happen,” she said, casually shifting around the makeup brushes with more noise than the action usually warranted.
“What do you mean?” Push asked her, before turning towards Force with a reassuring expression. “Don't worry that it’s too much effort. The transition from the pair running towards each other to the hearts meeting looks complicated, but I can do it easily on wide-angle.”
Force smiled at his honest exuberance and excitement at possibly being helpful. “No, it’s fine. Book and I will pick-“
“That’s not the problem here,” Pai spoke over his words. “I always forget that you’re new, Push. But just so you know, Book’s one of those people.”
“Huh?” Push whipped around in bewilderment.
“He doesn’t show his heart. I asked around, and not a single person in the company has seen it before,” she clarified.
“Oh.” Push glanced at the two playmates on the floor. “If we’re not supposed to let them out so much-“
“Nah, that’s not it.” Pai gave him a conspiratory look, then deliberately cocked her head at Force's heart. “Most artists in GMM let theirs out, at least backstage. Book just thinks he’s too good to show us. Or maybe there’s something wrong with his heart.”
Force heard a squeak as his organ’s legs stopped dead in their tracks just as the words landed in his ears.
“What did you just say?” he heard himself ask, as if from a distance.
Pai raised her chin with an accompanying shrug. But before she could follow up, Push let out a choking sound, his wide eyes going behind Force’s back.
“Oh fuck,” he whispered and shot a look at Pai, who was suddenly losing the color in her cheeks.
With dawning horror, Force turned to see. And his suspicions were confirmed when he was met with the sight of Book, his eyes on his shoes and his bag hanging half down a shoulder.
A wave of ice-cold water crashed over his head, making him flinch and his head spin.
“Sorry, I just wanted to ask if anyone had seen my wallet,” Book said after a moment of tense silence. “I think my key card’s in there.”
No one moved or said anything for a few breaths, but then Push quickly walked over to the different items still strewn around the makeup station.
“Here it is!” he yelled when he found it, prompting Book to walk past Pai and a still motionless Force to get the slim leather case being held out to him.
Book thanked the other man, deliberately ignoring the tension around him. Uncharacteristically, he even stepped around Force’s heart, trying in vain to get him to notice it and pick it up from the floor.
“P’Book,” Pai began warily, a hint of nerves in her voice.
Book stopped her without hearing out the rest. “It's fine, I didn’t mean to eavesdrop. And I barely heard anything, anyway.”
“Oh. Good.” She let out a laugh, her chest puffing back up in the short time it took Book to leave for the second time.
As soon as the three of them were alone, her bravado was back in full force, a chagrined expression on her face as she hurried to finish her task.
“Whoops,” she giggled. “That could’ve gone badly for me. Let me get this done and we can leave.”
Force stared at her in disbelief. “What?”
At least Push had the decency to look embarrassed as he put his organ away. “Pai, I think we should probably apologize to him.”
Force’s was shining an angry red when it stomped over to him, so he grabbed it and gave it a few calming pats. “You should definitely do that, but better leave it for tomorrow. I’ll go and talk to him now and tell him you didn’t mean it.”
“Thank you,” Push started, but Pai had other ideas, letting out an annoyed groan beside him.
“Force, I know you’re a bleeding heart, but you don’t have to defend him just because he’s your on-screen partner.”
“Excuse me?” He had to tighten his grip as the organ in his hands began struggling against his hold. When he looked down, it shone in a violent burgundy he had never witnessed it turning before.
Pai either didn’t notice, or wasn’t as good at reading other people’s hearts as she claimed to be. “It's just common sense. If there was nothing to disguise, he would show it openly.”
He brought the organ close to his torso while he tried to compose himself, pushing it in despite the resistance so he was free to pick up his things instead.
“Pai, I’m not going to repeat myself, so listen well. No one is entitled to see someone else’s heart and you can’t go around making assumptions about other’s choices for themselves.” He stepped up until he could fix her with a warning in his eyes. “You are apologizing tomorrow, or I will ask P’Palm to send you home earlier.”
Ignoring her incredulous huff, he started to leave, only to turn at the last moment. “And if I ever catch you gossiping about personal matters like that, be it about my friends or anyone else, I will personally ask P’Tha to deal with it.”
With that, he walked out of the room, a hand over his ribcage to appease the angry movement inside.
“I know, I know,” he repeated out loud, trying to force a calmness he was having trouble reaching himself. “I’m just as angry as you. But we have to chill so we don’t make him feel worse, okay?”
Slowly, the agitation inside started to ease, even if the now unmoving, solid weight in his chest remained uncomfortable all the way to the suite.
**
The distance from the elevator to the door of their room wasn’t long, but by the time he slotted in his key card to let himself inside, his steps had gotten heavy with dread, worrying about what he would find on the other side of it.
To his astonishment, Book was calmly putting away things on the side of the room closest to the windows, phone in his hand and the jacket he’d thrown on after the event ended draped over the back of a chair.
He smiled but didn't go so far as to look up at Force when he came in. “You can have the first shower. I don’t mind waiting.”
“What?”
Book gestured to the balcony door by the side of his bed. “I wanted to call my parents anyway. I’ll clean up while you’re out.”
“Book, what the hell?” Force couldn’t believe his ears. “I’m not going out with them, especially with what just happened.”
As soon as the words hit, Book’s eyes jumped to his, before he dropped his gaze to the phone he was holding, shuffling it from one hand to the other.
“It’s okay, Force. You don’t have to stay in because of me. I’m not upset or anything.” There was a small pause where he pushed out a dry chuckle. “I already knew.”
His shoulders went slack and Force let his backpack fall to the floor reflexively when sharp pain hit his ribs.
“That wasn’t the first time.” Realization struck and he automatically made a step towards his friend. “If someone said anything bad, we can go to P’Johm, or-“
“Force, stop!” The strained laugh he heard had none of the usual warmth and cheekiness in it. “I can hardly complain every time someone talks about my…”
Instead of saying the word, Book let a hand hover over the middle of his torso, his fingers still far from touching it.
Force shook his head the few steps it took him to stand in front of him in the enclosed space between their beds. “It’s one thing if people talk about it, but you don’t have to let them insult you.”
Book didn’t reply at first, just let himself fall to sit on his bed, placing his phone on the nightstand as an obvious play for time. When Force didn’t volunteer to fill the silence himself, the other man started playing with the corner of the pillow next to his right hand instead.
If the movement was supposed to look casual, the effect was completely ruined by the small sniff he let out, and his refusal to look up from his fingers.
“I know,” Book mumbled at last. “But it’s not like they’re lying, so what can I do about it?”
Force almost swayed back, stupefied from complete incomprehension. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, she was telling the truth.” Book’s slim fingers kept drawing infinity signs on the bed throw for a few additional moments.
Only after a while, seemingly having come to a decision, he raised his chin to face Force head-on.
“I don’t show my heart to other people because it’s ugly,” he said definitively.
The rhythmical thumping inside his body stopped even before Force understood what he heard, and he had to slap a palm over his chest to stop his struggling heart from tearing itself out of it.
Book spotted the gesture and immediately tried to stand up again to placate him, only ceasing when Force waived him off and sat next to him.
“What are you saying?” Shock and worry tinted his voice even though he was doing his best to keep them contained. “Who told you that?”
His friend tried to turn away, but he made Book face him once more with a palm on his cheek, only to be met with pure distress in his normally so open features.
“Force, stop. I know you’re trying to be kind.” Something like disappointment rang through the words. “But no one had to tell me anything. I think we're all aware of what an ugly heart looks like.”
“Come on, Book. It’s me you’re talking to.” His fingers were shaking at the side of Book’s face, the same nervous tremble he felt coming from the center of his body. “It’s been a while, sure. But I remember when you used to let it out in school and it’s beautiful.”
The only way he’d be able to describe the answering expression on Book’s face would be pitying. Force dropped his hand, but didn’t hurry him to speak, and was finally rewarded after Book inhaled deeply.
“You remember that?” he whispered, cautiously moving to run his fingers over the lines on Force’s palm as he did from time to time when getting nervous.
“Of course,” Force answered swiftly and truthfully.
They hadn’t been exactly close back then, to his long-felt regret. But over the many years, Force had the occasional luck to catch glimpses, even if usually from afar.
It had never appeared with the kind of vigor his own had, instead politely waiting for Book to ready a hand for it to step on. Nonetheless, he had seen it multiple times.
Back then Book's heart had been slightly bigger than one of his hands. A powdery rose color peeking out shyly at him being praised by the teachers, or whenever he was chosen to represent the school at festivities. Force had even seen it glow red on one occasion, obscured almost entirely by the flowers Book had received on graduation day, his family members taking turns to hold it as others hugged and kissed his full cheeks.
The halo of light around it had remained in his thoughts even weeks later, when it dawned on him that liking rare Facebook posts might forever remain his closest manner of taking part in Book’s life.
And once - just that one time - he had seen it up close, sitting in Book’s lap and scrutinizing the paper he was filling out for Force like it also knew all the answers to the test and could double-check for its owner.
The other man must’ve thought about the same thing, because a trace of a real smile began showing on his face. At least until he caught himself and shifted where he was sitting, letting go of Force’s hand.
There was a heavy click in Book’s throat as he swallowed. “It doesn’t look like that anymore. It hasn’t for a long time.”
A dull pang went through his body as a weight pushed against his ribs, his organ pushing against them with blunt force.
Force swallowed the sensation down before he could answer. “So what? We’re not kids anymore, all of our hearts have been through some shit.”
He had always been aware that his stand-up-guy wasn’t the norm among people their age. Sure, it had gotten a bit banged up over the years, grown small patches of discoloration at every rejection he faced until destiny itself granted him the gift of the casting call that changed his life.
There had even been some scars from heartbreak that took months and months to heal and fade. But they always did, and every time they recovered, it grew larger like a muscle being trained, and shone brighter afterward, until letting it back inside took minutes to get used to at the end of a day.
There was no doubt that Book’s heart would look magnificent next to his, which even in best-case scenarios only brought out good-natured laughs out of the people who saw it, and not much else.
His big, bumbling idiot heart no one had to take seriously. Good enough to joke and play around with, and just as easily discarded as the newest trend that was forgotten after everyone had a go and grew bored of it.
“Do you want to see?” Book asked unexpectedly, making him lose his train of thought.
His breath caught in his throat as his heart did a surprised summersault over his diaphragm.
“I… you don’t have to if you don’t want to,” he reassured right away, trying to suppress his curiosity and longing.
Book’s hair was shadowing his eyes when he hung his head, but Force could still see his lashes opening and closing again a few times.
After a moment, he made an intentional inhale, as if he needed to brace himself. “No, it’s alright. I trust you.”
Force wanted to comment on Book certainly not needing to trust him for such a small thing as showing him his heart, a common enough affair that you could usually see one on every corner of the street. But before he could work out the words, the other man was already cupping both his palms in front of his ribcage.
A few breathless moments later, Book let out a pained hiss and lowered them onto his lap.
It took too long for Force to comprehend what he was looking at.
At first glance, he took it as a trick of light, his tired eyes mistaking a shadow for something else. But then he collected himself, the revelation hitting him over the head with the impact of a concussion.
The first thing he thought was that Book wouldn’t have needed both of his hands to keep hold of it. The shape nested between his palms was tiny, so curled up that the two rounded sides weren’t discernable anymore. Force wanted to believe that it was just hugging itself, but the posture looked too defensive, too ingrained, to be just a temporary soothing action.
With the way it squeezed itself to the smallest size possible - even smaller than when they were teens - it reminded him of the medical drawings he’d seen of the actual muscle, the one that mechanically kept the blood flowing inside the body even with the real heart left.
Everyone had an idea of what those looked like, even if showing them outside of medical settings was somewhat of a taboo. The first and last time he had seen the dark and veiny flesh pumping was in short videos in human biology studies, with multiple classmates around him yelling in disgust at learning what heart muscles looked like in reality.
To his horror, the color of Book’s was closer to that than he had ever seen in real life, a spotty mix of maroon and purple that looked like a fresh bruise, like someone had closed a fist over it and squeezed with open intent to hurt.
Force tried to form a thought out loud, but no sound came out of his mouth despite his best efforts.
“See, I didn’t promise too much, right?” Book said next to him, almost managing to sound nonchalant about it.
When Force was finally able to look into Book’s eyes, there was a wet shine in them and redness in their edges.
“It is ugly, isn’t it?” Book asked to confirm in a flat tone, as if he was depriving his voice of the right to show emotion.
A wish to protest lay on his tongue, words stumbling over themselves in an attempt to find a way to reassure Book. But by the time he could finally move his lips, all that escaped them was a startled exhale.
His heart jumping out of him was such a common occurrence, that he hardly noticed it anymore on the daily. At most, there was a slight tingle, followed by the sensation of weightlessness remaining.
At that moment, it tore out of him like it was being chased by a horde of bloodhounds.
Book appeared to be ambushed as well, judging by his delayed reaction - a flinch going through him and his palms locking together a moment too late.
“Wait!” he exclaimed, to no avail.
By then, Force’s heart had already snatched Book’s up and was scurrying away down the length of his legs.
Both their eyes tracked the angry red flash as it bolted with its captive in tow, at a neckbreak speed Force had never registered the fat thing being capable of in the past.
He tried to grab at it, but the heart proved too determined, disappearing under his bed at the opposite wall of the room, the edge of the covers still swaying back and forth by the time he stood up.
“Fuck, Book, I’m sorry,” he said as went to kneel in front of it. “I swear I won’t let that asshole out for the rest of the trip.”
“It’s okay,” Book rasped behind him. “Can you please get it back? I’m… I’m not used to this.”
When Force glanced back at him from the floor next to his bed, Book had both of his hands clasped over his chest and was breathing shallowly. The alarm in his eyes betrayed his feelings even more than the shaking in his voice had done.
The rounded form of his shoulders, and the way he curled himself up to a ball, reminded Force of what he had just seen in his previously occupied hands. He felt torn between wanting to duck under the bedframe and keeping his attention on the other man just in case he was going to keel over, but the need to make himself useful won over in the end.
“Wait a second, I’ll get it!”
He pulled up the bedding and bent his neck, only to freeze at what he discovered.
Not a glimpse of Book’s heart could be seen from his position. His own - easily more than five times the size of his friend’s - had enveloped it completely. Only its back showed where it had pressed them both tightly into the corner, in a small gap where the wooden headboard ended.
What made looking for parts of Book’s heart even more challenging was the angry crimson light his was giving off in pulses, making him squint against the burn in his eyes.
He tried to get its attention with Book’s preferred nickname for it. “Buddy, listen. How about we give Book his heart back?”
His words had the opposite of the intended effect. At the merest mention of letting go, his heart only locked in tighter, using its feet to push further away from Force’s voice.
He heard a gasp coming from the other bed and when he turned back out of reflex to check on Book, there was no color on his cheeks and his lungs were seemingly passing the same bit of air in and out of his open mouth.
“Fuck!” Force yelled, trying to move the heavy bed frame with no results.
The antique wooden furniture at the old Parisian hotel had seemed so impressive the day they had arrived, but now that it barely shifted even at his best attempts, he wanted to curse whoever had chosen it.
“Come on, you little jerk. Let it go!” He gave the wood a shake to prompt his heart into giving up.
Admitting the futility of his actions so far, he got up - determined to lift the entire frame on its side if it came down to it - when a breathy call of his name shook him out of his wrath.
He whipped around so fast he almost got light-headed, the blood in his body needing a moment to catch up as he hastened towards his friend.
“It’s okay, it’s okay,” Force kept repeating when he was close enough to go to his knees in front of him. “Just breathe through it.”
Book was practically hyperventilating by then, cold sweat collecting on his forehead, his gaze unfocused.
“Book, I’m sorry, okay? Please look at me!” He grabbed both sides of the other man's face to help him do so. “I didn’t want you to find out like that. As soon as it’s back, I’ll leave to get another room!”
“What?” Book mouthed, still trying to get his eyes to focus. “What are you talking about?”
Force suppressed a wince, reluctant to spell the truth out even more than his heart’s crazy antics did. Still, he made himself speak up so as not to give his friend the impression that he was actively trying to back him into a corner.
“Please believe me,” he begged. “I never intended to put pressure on you with my feelings. My heart just got overwhelmed at seeing yours again after waiting all those years.”
It looked like Book had completely stopped breathing by the time Force was done, not even attempting to blink away the wetness in his eyes anymore.
Force dropped his gaze between them, but before he could tell himself to let go of Book’s cheeks, a quiet voice was reaching his ears and a trembling hand was placed on one of his forearms.
“Your feelings?” Book repeated shakily, gripping the fabric of his shirt in a loose fist.
He forced out a chuckle in response, still keeping his face angled towards the floor between them.
“You don’t have to pretend for my sake, Book. I know that you figured it out.” The poor attempt at feigning indifference was ruined when the next thing he said came out over a wet sob. “Please just tell me we can still be friends after this.”
“Are, are you saying.” Force felt the fingers on his arm tighten. “Are you saying you feel the same as I do?”
It was scientifically impossible, but Force could’ve sworn he felt his heart start beating faster the small distance behind him, especially when he dared to look up and meet the gaze already directed at him.
The rest of the world fell away around him like the meaningless thing that it was. All he could hear, see, or feel, was the person in front of him.
“Book,” he choked out the only name he ever wanted his lips to form for the rest of his life. “You’re going to have to spell it out for me, because I don’t trust myself right now.”
Through the haze in his brain, he was catching the color return to Book’s face. A few splotches at first, which suddenly turned into a full flush when his friend let out a gunfire-quick mumble, the words blurring together into one.
“I like you, Force. I’ve liked you for a long time now.”
It was a miracle Force was already kneeling, because his legs wouldn’t have been able to hold him up anymore. He was floating on a cloud of unspoken possibilities for a few speechless moments, his very existence reshaping itself over what he just heard, when Book’s hesitant voice yanked him back to reality.
“Force?” he asked tentatively, confusion and uncertainty still easily discernable even in that single word.
He cursed himself inwardly, the short glimpse at Book’s battered heart coming back to his mind with a vengeance.
“I love you,” Force said, trying to drive as much sincerity and certainty in the statement as he felt. “I think part of me loved you already the day I met you.”
Even a quarter of a century later, Force wasn’t sure who had been the first to see the boy with the round cheeks and the gentle smile - him or his heart.
One second Force had been holding his mother’s hand as she led him towards the colorful building. And the next he was letting out a hiccup and watching a minuscule red something run towards a boy clumsily patting a spread-out palm over the fur of a fluffy dog tied to the white gates in front of it.
“Force, do you really mean it?”
Two steaks of tears escaped Book’s eyes when he blinked, and Force wiped them away deliberately, fully aware that his hands were touching the most valuable thing in the world, far more precious than the diamonds worth millions of Baht he had taken off of them barely an hour ago.
This time, Force let himself take all the time he needed, smiling up with every word he spoke as he patted the silky skin dry. “Every day I keep loving you more and more. And every moment I am with you, my heart grows bigger and bigger. Forgive me for being too much of a coward to say it before.”
After a few endless moments of Book looking for the answer to a question he wasn't uttering out loud in his eyes, the corners of his lips moved up cautiously, his lungs taking a shaky inhale.
It took a while until Book dared to give a response, but finally he did, his gaze going to the corner of the room behind Force and back to his face.
“I love you too, Force,” he finally said. “I know that it’s small, and it’s ugly. But if you want it, it’s yours.”
Force shut him up with the first strategy that came to his mind, pushing up on his knees until he could press his lips to Book’s in a kiss that would hopefully tell him everything Force needed him to know.
But just in case it didn’t, he leaned back on his hunches to speak all of his thoughts out loud, as well.
“Nothing about you could ever be ugly to me. You and your heart are the most beautiful, and the most important things in this world to me. And I’ll never let the people who made you believe otherwise get close to it again.”
A pained sound escaped Book at that, but at least he nodded without giving protest, the single tear remaining on his face collecting over the curve of his cheek. It wasn't hard to guess that he didn’t quite believe Force fully, but he hadn’t expected that so soon, anyway.
The skin on Book’s face was warm and tasted a little like salt when Force kissed the teardrop away. But it turned sugary with the giggle Book let out at the ticklish sensation.
Book was the one to kiss his lips first after that. Initially shyly, but then opening up sweetly when Force slid his tongue inside to explore him after a while.
A part of him was tense, still in disbelief and waiting for the ringing of his alarm to wake him up from a cruel dream. Or worse, for the call of a director’s voice telling him to move differently or to stop covering too much of Book’s face when his hand went to his nape reflexively, as it always itched to do.
The reality of it dawned on him slowly and then at once. And just like that Force could feel in his bones, what his heart felt the need to do minutes ago.
His muscled frame wasn’t quite generously enough to envelop Book completely, to shield him from the rest of the unworthy world. But he tried his best at it, picking the other man up with a hand on a thigh and one on his waist to push them both up the bed.
Book let out a startled breath when he landed on his back, so Force held himself up to give his lover some space to breathe. The fact that it also allowed him to look his fill of his kiss-bruised lips and surprise-rounded eyes was an additional gift he accepted greedily.
Predictably, Book tried to turn away from the heat of his stare. But Force didn't let him, moving a hand from Book's leg to hold him still.
“Don’t,” he said, the hand on the back of Book's neck gentle, but firm. “Don’t hide yourself from me again.”
Force finally gave himself permission to explore the familiar sight underneath him in a new, intimate way. Allowed his eyes to take the miracle that was his love in completely - not through the careful lens of friendship and hidden yearning, but with the knowledge of his feelings being reciprocated.
It wasn’t a selfless and inconsequential kind of look, and he could recognize in Book’s reactions that the other could read the desire in it like Force was an open book, with a thick glossary and annotations at the back.
The hands that had been lying passively at Book’s sides until then moved to embrace him, one using a shoulder to pull Force’s body closer and one gracefully, almost unintentionally, grazing the naked skin of his back where it slipped under his shirt.
“So beautiful.” It came out without a conscious decision to speak, as if making that step towards voicing his true feelings had taken away all other inhibitions in his mind.
Book blinked and for lack of anything to say, tried to deflect with a kiss, but Force shifted at the last second to let his lips land on the corner of his mouth only.
As much as he would’ve liked to taste them again, saying it once more had absolute priority.
“You’re beautiful.” His eyes traveled down the slim line of Book’s throat and beneath his collarbone. “Everything about you is beautiful to me.”
“I…” Book began, clearly unsure how to finish his thought.
But before he could utter the rest of his sentence, Force heard a quiet shuffle coming from their sides that tugged his attention away.
Book wouldn’t be able to see it properly from where he was draped on the bed, but the sound of astonishment Force made had him take notice that something was happening.
Slowly, to not scare anyone in the room, Force pulled himself upright, then gradually bent down to hold his relaxed fingers to the floor.
“Come here,” he said as quietly and gently as he could while remaining audible to them all.
When Book pushed himself up on his elbows, a small cry escaped him.
Book’s heart was still mostly hidden from view. Behind the shape of Force’s organ, he could barely discern two tiny feet and a lighter shine.
“Please. I promise I’ll be careful.” He left his hand slack but prepared to give them all the time they needed to decide.
Either that or his words proved to be enough reassurance, because they eventually started walking towards him.
Almost reluctantly at first, but then more readily the hearts approached, until they were just centimeters shy of his fingertips. Only then did the bigger one step aside, allowing the other to climb into Force’s waiting hold.
“Thank you.”
Force released a shaky breath when he was finally cupping it safely. Following his companion, his heart hopped onto his forearm and clambered towards the bend of his elbow.
By the time he was upright again, Book had already made space and was leaning against the raised pillows in front of the headboard in preparation.
He was evidently trying not to let his nerves show, but his fingers were shaking slightly when he held them up in wait.
“Ready?” Foce asked and got a swift nod in return.
Instead of acting too hastily, he only made a small opening in his hands and hovered them close to Book’s. They both waited with bated breath, but it wasn’t too long until the first hint of pink was peeking out between his digits.
Book's melodic laugh sounded throughout the room just as the small heart made its tiny leap of faith toward him.
“Hey, hey. There you are.” Teary giggles were ringing like bells between the kisses Book was planting all over his heart to welcome it back. “That was a lot of excitement for one day, huh?”
The pets Book gave his own heart were even gentler than the ones he tended to bestow on Force’s, to no surprise. More surprising was that Force’s usually so jealous gremlin for once didn’t but in upon seeing Book hold and baby someone else.
After a few moments of mostly observing Book during the cute reunion scene, Force tore his gaze away to look at what his hands were holding. Now that it wasn’t so crushed together and such a deep color anymore, he was able to take everything in without most of the previous obstructions.
If there was one thing Force prided himself on, it was his easygoing nature, the way he could deal with most issues without getting emotional about them.
What he was looking at made sorrow, but also anger, burn painfully at the bottom of his stomach. His hands were suddenly itching to do something terrible, something he knew he would enjoy to the fullest and lose no sleep over.
The lighter color made the countless wounds even more pronounced than they had been before. All the small bruises and cuts, even the fraying rip on one of the rounded sides were just the tip of the iceberg.
Most alarming was a hairline fracture running from the middle dip almost entirely to the pointed bottom of the small being keeping all of Book's feelings collected.
He had to bite his tongue not to say what he wanted out loud. Not to request names, ages, addresses.
Instead, he asked the second question that lay on his mind.
“How long has it been?”
Book made a point to not look away from his hands. “My mom makes me take it out when I visit and holds it sometimes.”
Force swallowed down a scolding comment that was about to come out. Book hadn’t been able to go back to his parent’s house a lot with the workshops and the series shoot now that he had moved out again.
That wasn’t something Force would allow to repeat itself in the future. Not if he had any say in it.
Even by the most generous of counts, it seemed close to impossible to comprehend Book’s composure. Especially to him, whose heart barely stayed inside most of the day.
“At least you can’t lose it that way,” he joked calmly to distract himself from his heavy thoughts, and to cheer up his lover.
Indeed, a small laugh chimed up in reply and Force watched in awe as the heart briefly pulsed in a strawberry almost the exact shade of Book’s lips.
He could feel himself growing taller at the sight and caught his heart puffing itself up proudly on his arm, something he could empathize with thoroughly. Just with that tiny bit of care shown towards it, Book’s heart already looked healthier than it had at that shocking first glimpse of it.
“Good job.” He gave his heart a few pats, and it preened into the touch, not unlike his cats when they deemed him worthy enough to give them cuddles.
After another few minutes of quiet observing, he couldn’t hold back anymore, clearing his throat before he made the quiet request that had been searing inside of him for what felt like an eternity by then.
“May I?” he asked, ready to accept the answer with grace in any case.
Book replied only after a small pause, but with no sign of reluctance in his voice.
“Okay.” He edged towards him gingerly, careful not to jostle what he was holding.
Force’s fingers were damp from nerves when he wiped them on his pants, but remained steady as Book placed the heart in the center of his palm.
Despite the scars and bruises littering it, it felt like the softest thing in the world when Force ran the thumb of the other hand over one side. Like a fluffy dandelion ready to fly away at a small gust of wind, it seemed almost weightless in his hand.
The heart stood completely motionless for the first careful caresses Force gave it, its feet spread as if bracing for impact. But after a while, it started shining a warm color everywhere his skin brushed it.
“Hi, little one.” He held it up so it could take a good look at what was hopefully a suitably charming smile. “Do you remember me?”
To his unending delight, the small heart shuddered, fully going from blossom pink to cherry red from one second to the other.
Book let out an embarrassed whine, and it only added to his unabashed joy when Force looked over to witness the same color painting his cheeks.
Unfortunately, he couldn’t bask in the moment for long. His needy beast of a heart came running down his arm shortly to push his fingers off, pressing itself against Book’s until there was no space left between them and Force had to crane his neck to still be able to see it.
Book’s heart was barely keeping upright, its short legs stumbling backward awkwardly. Even then, the bigger one was selfishly not leaving it any personal space, following immediately like pulled in by gravity.
“Stop hogging it, you jerk,” he groaned when it tried to hide its new friend by cradling it possessively between its rounded halves.
Instead of obeying, the overgrown asshole actually attempted to kick his fingers away when they came closer than was apparently allowed.
“Dude, you gotta learn how to share,” Force said as a final attempt at diplomacy. “It’s mine, too.”
Book made a funny sound at that, and whatever he and his heart were feeling must’ve been too much for them to handle, because it finally pushed the bigger one off with a surprisingly strong move.
While it lay stunned between his and Book's knees, the small one toddled away and started jumping in an ‘up’-gesture in front of its owner, who relented fast and put it back inside with a relieved sigh.
As soon as it was gone from sight, Force almost made a sigh - though one of loss - as well.
By all metrics, the glow of Book’s heart hadn’t even been much of notice surrounded by the dusk creeping in from the windows. But its loss had the entire room fall into a dark gloom, as if the moon itself had eclipsed the sun and stolen all its warmth.
As if on cue, the remaining heart picked itself up, then drooped forward forlornly. When it became apparent that Book’s was not about to return right away, it gave a kick against Force’s leg, though there was no real anger behind the gesture.
Just as he wanted to child it for its lack of manners and being too pushy earlier, Force was beaten to the punch by Book’s voice speaking up kindly.
“Buddy, don’t sulk, okay? I promise I’ll let it out more often from now on so you guys can play together.” Book shuffled closer to them and gave his heart a few generous strokes down the backside of it that had his jaw clenching in envy.
The overdramatic bastard perked up just like that, exploding into a cheerful red as if it hadn’t played dead seconds ago. When Book cooed at it in delight, it bounced from one leg to the other like a clown, practically doubling in size right in front of Force’s eyes.
With what Force could only describe as a satisfied cackle, it dashed back inside his chest, the impact almost making him fall over backward.
But at least Book genuinely laughed out loud at his surprised oof-sound for the first time that day.
When they were ultimately alone, Force threw himself at his lover, who let out a protesting squeak at the attacks that landed on his cheeks.
“What are you laughing at, huh?” he teased between kisses. “You laughing at my toddler-sized heart?”
He manhandled Book’s body with a firm grip under his knees until he was on his back again, the pillows falling into a messy heap around him. The breathless shouts Book let out between giggles had nothing of the previous hesitance in them.
But then he stopped abruptly, a thoughtful frown appearing on his forehead. Force instantly ceased, just in case his lover needed more time to digest what they had been doing, barely breathing while he waited for what would follow.
“Please be honest,” Book spoke at last. “Are you paying family rates to get you both into the gym to look like that?”
“You little!” This time, Force went straight to the ticklish spot behind Book’s left ear he had once accidentally discovered during filming.
“Force, stop!” Book gasped. Except that his own hands had other ideas, going to Force’s back to pull him closer.
Force did pause his onslaught, but only to grab Book’s hands to fix them by the sides of his head. “Fine, I’ll stop.”
“And in turn?” Book’s answering look seemed suspicious even over his heavy panting.
But he was holding real eye contact, not shying away from Force's gaze and freely letting their bodies meet each other.
The grin that had been threatening to show on his face revealed itself fully. “In turn you’ll stop playing innocent and take responsibility.”
Book blinked. “Huh?”
“Admit it, and I’ll let it slide.” He leaned down to plant a kiss above an eyebrow. “Admit that it’s all your fault.” Another one, right on the tip of the nose. “Admit that you made my heart like this.” Finally one right on his lips, deepening quickly until Force ripped himself away reluctantly so Book could catch a breath. “If you do it, I’ll spare you mercy.”
Book’s lips moved soundlessly as he fought to say something. Luckily, his lessons seemed to begin sticking, because Force didn’t have to prompt him more.
He licked them just once before volunteering, “I’m taking responsibility.”
“For what?”
“For making you love me.” Book’s voice broke in the middle of the sentence, but he finished it bravely with only a slight shaking in the words.
This time, it didn’t appear to stem from hurt. Regardless, Force wasn’t going to torture him anymore.
“Not bad for the first attempt,” he said, shifting his hips until Book had to spread his thighs to allow Force closer. “We’ll work you up to the proper answer.”
“What, what is the proper answer?” Book managed between gasps as their hardening lengths brushed against each other.
Force pretended to think as he soaked in the ecstasy of it. “Something like ‘I, Kasidet Plookphol am formally taking responsibility for being the sweetest, funniest, most gentle and beautiful man on this planet and for making Khun Jirat fall head over heels in love with me.’ For starters.”
The other man shook his head with a huff, the roll of his eyes not concealing the reddening of his cheeks. “Not in a hundred years.”
“Deal!” Force threw in immediately, causing Book to look at him in confusion. “You promise to be mine for a hundred years and I’ll get you to say it until those have passed.”
Book was clearly on the verge of giving protest, but only let out a gasp as his chest heaved as if of its own volition.
Force felt his heart jump in answer, and when he squeezed his eyes shut to get it to calm down, he only managed to open them again when he felt soft lips graze his cheek.
“Okay,” Book said when he let himself drop to the bedding. “One hundred years. It’s a deal.”
He didn’t even have time to brace himself for that obvious flirtation as the other man employed his next attack, biting his lip as he gave a grind of his lower body.
“Want to seal it with a kiss?” Book punctuated the question with a teasing, but warm grin, and Force let himself taste it immediately, going in with a hunger that had his lover’s push lips look used in all the best ways when they separated.
“Can I?” Force asked when he mustered the inhuman strength to pull them apart. One of his hands traveled down the length of Book’s body, until he had the end of his shirt in his fingers as he posed the question.
As soon as he received a nod, he removed it with an easy movement, Book helping by keeping his arms relaxed over his head and shifting his upper body. His own shirt came off even quicker, and soon enough, the body underneath his made up for any warmth he lost.
Pressed that close to each other, Force couldn’t even get a proper look at what he denied himself more than glimpses of in the past. The supple skin an open offering, like the mere idea of being permitted to touch Book that closely outside of acting hadn’t been just a distant dream, a fantasy only pulled out from the back of his mind in his most desperate and weakest moments.
But at least Force could feel the staccato beat of Book’s heart against his lips when he used that small space to lean down and kiss him between his tightened nipples.
Book sighed at that, and when he pulled Force back up for him to repeat the action against his mouth, there was a heavy taste of want in the play of their tongues when Force fucked inside of him.
“Force,” his lover panted hotly, moving to speak the rest of the sentence right into the shell of his ear. “I want you.”
“Are you sure?” he asked, though nothing in Book’s face made him doubt his desire being mirrored.
When he heard the expected confirmation, Force put all the love he felt at that moment into disrobing and caressing his partner, writing a story of need into the dips of his body and the velvet of his skin.
Undressing himself was an afterthought, a to-do to be crossed off his mental list, like reaching inside the nightstand to find something to help make things more comfortable for Book.
Back when he used to imagine it happening, after those late-night shoots he only survived by locking his heart up in another room, he pictured it transpiring perfectly, like the scripts they were made to act out.
But even the one scene conceived to look like a bumbling and awkward first time, had nothing in common with reality.
Sure, there were the stifled giggles and fumbling movements of two bodies not yet accustomed to each other.
But there was also the raw, unadulterated conviction, knowledge of a part of him belonging inside of his partner, that didn’t fade with any breach of his tongue or fingers inside. All of it was a taste test, and nothing satiating him in the slightest.
Book seemed to feel something close to that, with the way his body tightened in desperation, until a generous coating of spit and lube made him call out for more even at the stretch of three of Force’s fingers.
“Are you ready to feel me?” he asked and only got lips connecting to his in reply.
Pushing into the tight warmth of Book’s insides helped a little, and so did the cries of pleasure he was able to tease out of his lover. But Force could still taste it in the back of his throat, an insatiable appetite, a need to fill him in ways no one else had ever done before and never would.
Again, his heart was the one to come to a conclusion before he did, beating against his ribs with every thrust until he feared that it might break them open on accident.
Even then, it was surprisingly Book who acted first, either reading the craving in Force’s expression or figuring it out with the help of his internal happenings.
“Force,” he attempted, before breaking off with a moan. “Force, I need you inside.”
His hips stuttered, his mind not quite grasping what was being asked of him.
“Inside?” he choked out.
Rather than explaining with words, Book took the hand Force had been pressing against the cushions for balance in his, gently placing it under the hollow of his delicate collarbones.
“Please,” he gasped. “I want to feel you. I want to be full.”
Clarity saturated his being, along with the liberating weightlessness of knowing what to do to make both of their desires come true.
Force didn’t use his hands to help, instead intertwined their fingers to bask in their closeness as he held both of their arms over Book's head.
On the next thrust, he buried himself to the hilt and pressed his full body weight down until his heart could smoothly pass through his chest into Book’s without catching a glimpse of the cold outside world.
“Take it,” he whispered hotly, right into the reddened shell of an ear. “You can have all of me.”
It was a revelation, even if he couldn’t feel it as viscerally as Book must have been. A part of him pitied his lover at his overwhelmed moans, denied the pleasure of enough distance to be able to drink in what was transpiring.
“Can you feel it?” he groaned on his next thrust, Book's skin hot against his. “It’s yours. It beats like that just for you.”
Book made a sound like a wounded animal and tightened until Force could barely pull out, left with no other choice but to press himself in and rut forward without leaving his silky grip.
“I can feel it,” Book keened. “It feels… so much.”
He was right, even if Force only felt a fragment of what Book must have been experiencing.
The high that passed through him felt endless, and flooding his lover’s insides at the same time his heart filled him the peak of a love he had never felt before.
Book thrashed against him a moment later, his sharp nails pressing into the back of Force's hands as he emptied himself untouched all over his taut stomach, as sweet of a hurt as it could be.
Force couldn’t see inside of him, but still, he could tell that the red flush on his chest was not only exertion, but a shine coming through his skin.
Though he could picture it easily when he closed his eyes to let the pleasure wash over him.
Their hearts were pounding.
Wrapped around each other, they were beating in unison inside of Book’s chest, filling him up completely.
Until there was no empty space left. Until all of his scars and bruises would heal once and for all. Until he couldn't deny being loved ever again.
And if he did have any doubts left after the night was over.
Well, Force still had one hundred years minus one day to deal with that.