Chapter Text
...
Dick vomited the taste of bile burning at his throat. It left him shaking and weak, tears leaking down his cheeks. He felt cold despite the sweat that soaked his skin and his hair was plastered to his skull.
He wiped at his mouth with a shaky hand, the back of his glove wet with drool. He sat there panting and feeling hollow. Nightmares had plagued both him and Raven since they defeated Trigon.
Dick shuddered as he felt the bile rising up his throat. He quickly scrambled for the bathroom and emptied his stomach again. The bitter taste clung to his mouth, his stomach cramping.
They had succeeded in saving the world and returning things to how they were before. With help. They wouldn't have managed without the assistance. The biggest assistance had been from the League of Shadows. As a favor Ra's had called it.
Dick sat back on his haunches and rested his cheek against the porcelain. The chill helped to calm his racing heart. Dick didn't like the memories or the reminders that lingered in his wake. He would be forever thankful and yet at the same time, the thought made him feel ill.
Trigon was dead. He should be grateful that the assassins had come. They had done everything in their power to aid the Teen Titans. Yet, his hands still trembled and nightmares plagued him. It had been a month. He shouldn't be acting like this.
When it seemed like his stomach had finished rebelling he stumbled to his feet and flushed the toilet. Dick washed his mouth out with water from the sink and then rinsed the inside of his mouth with some mint flavored toothpaste.
Staring in the mirror half dead eyes stared back. It took a lot to muster the willpower to go back to bed.
Raven had her own nightmares to contend with, he didn't want to burden her. Not with his past. Besides, Dick could deal. It was just a few nightmares and a bout of the shakes every now and then. He would get over it.
The walk back to his room was a silent and lonely one. Dick collapsed into his bed with a heavy sigh and curled around his pillow. Despite the late hour, sleep was elusive. His mind wandered to thoughts and memories best forgotten.
In the end, he got two hours of broken sleep.
...
The next morning he found the other Titans awake and preparing for breakfast. Raven was reading a book as usual, Cyborg was working on something at the table. Starfire and Beastboy were making breakfast together.
Dick walked towards the table and sat down across from Raven. He could see out the window towards the city in his current position. It was early, the sun only peeking over the horizon. The city was beginning to come alive.
"Good morning, friends," Starfire said brightly as she floated towards them. "Breakfast is ready, you will join us?"
"You guys are already done cooking," Raven said putting down her book.
Robin grunted and sipped at his coffee. He was feeling groggy and grumpy. The nightmares had kept him up, the brief bouts of sleep hardly worth the effort.
"Yeah, sure we're ready to eat," Beast Boy grinned, the green teen carrying a tray.
"What is for breakfast?" Raven asked, closing her book and placing it off to the side.
Beast Boy glanced at him worriedly and the others seemed a little nervous. They all exchanged a glance and seemed hesitant. Dick scowled. He knew exactly why they were behaving the way they were.
"We've got waffles and pancakes and eggs," Starfire answered.
"There's also bacon," Beast boy said cheerfully, "And Tofu!"
"It smells great," Raven offered a smile and accepted a plate.
Starfire and Beast boy placed plates full of food down before everyone. Cyborg was already stuffing his face and mumbling about needing the energy for today's patrol. Dick only took a piece of toast.
He felt nauseous and the last thing he wanted to do was eat. If anything the smell was making him feel worse. His appetite had been scarce these last few weeks. He could count on his hand the number of times he had actually eaten a full meal.
"Are you sure you are well?" questioned Beast Boy.
Dick glanced at his green friend and tried to ignore the concern written across his face. He had hoped his lack of sleep hadn't been noticeable, or if it was, it was assumed to be from the recent battles.
"I'm fine," Dick grumbled.
"But," Starfire began and Robin shot her a glare.
"It's fine," he insisted, taking a sip of his coffee.
Starfire fell quiet, but he could see the hurt look she was giving him. She wasn't the only one upset with his behavior. Robin hadn't been very pleasant to deal with. He knew he had snapped more than a couple times and had even lost his temper a few.
Lack of sleep, nightmares, and constant anxiety did that. He couldn't even explain what was going on to his friends. He wouldn't know where to start. How could he begin to tell his friends?
"We will not have patrol today, yes?" Starfire spoke, turning to the rest.
"We've had patrol the past few days," Cyborg sighed, "It is our day off. I've got some repairs that need done."
"And Beast Boy and I have plans," Starfire nodded.
Dick took another sip of his coffee and stared out the window. The silence was a welcome one. His teammates would go and do their thing while he stayed behind and attempted to work himself to exhaustion.
"I've got my own things to take care of," Raven spoke quietly, "So I won't be available today."
"Great, it'll just be you and me," Beast Boy chuckled nervously.
"I think I'm going to spend some time outside the Tower," Dick muttered, getting to his feet, "Let me know if anything happens."
His teammates looked a little taken aback. Dick was normally the first person to spend his time inside the Tower, pouring over information and reports. However, today he couldn't handle being stuck in here with them.
"Do not worry," Starfire reassured him, "If we find anything, I will let you know."
Dick nodded and finished his coffee. He headed back to his room to shower and change. Once done he packed a small bag and slipped out of the tower. The day was sunny and clear, the sky blue and the clouds fluffy and white.
A breeze blew and the trees danced, their leaves rustling. People were bustling around the city, the noise of traffic a dull hum in the background. Every part of him wanted to hide. Instead, he straightened his spine and started walking.
Maybe if he moved, the memories and ghosts would stay away.