throw me in the landfill(don't think about the consequence)

by shameblefull (Shamblefull)

Summary:

==> Dave: Deal with your confusing relationship with your brother

In which Dave struggles to deal with his feeling and posts alarming comics of his characters, sweet bro and hella jeff in attempts to understand his situation much to the dismay to some and delight to others.

Chapter 1

There's this really cool dude sitting at his desk being all chill, like cool dudes like him are prone to do. 

 

A cool dude like this probably isn't ever going through any inner turmoil. Even if he was, he probably wouldn't ever tell you what it was if you asked. Not that he is. But hypothetically if he was, he’d be way too cool to tell you anything about it. He'd be way too busy for that, too. Busy being totally sweet. THAT'S how cool he is. 

 

==> Be Dave Strider

 

Your name is DAVE STRIDER. It is an UNSEASONABLY cold July day. Your BEDROOM WINDOW is tight shut to stop the cold ass air from seeping in, and your FAN is unplugged and hidden in your closet. Right next to your low running supply of apple juice and Cheerios. Just the sight of your fan makes you shiver.. Or maybe it's the lack of air conditioning. 

 

You try to ignore your coldness by doing something totally chill. 

 

==> Dave: Work on your SICK BEATS

 

You're just about to pull up some tracks that you've been drilling for the past few days, when suddenly you get a notification from PESTERCHUM. You wonder who it could be..  

 

==> Dave: See who it could be

EB: dave!!! dave!!!!
TG: what
EB: guess what!
TG: what
EB: auuuuughhhhh!!!!
TG: whatt!
EB: AUUUUUUGGGHHHH!!!!!
EB: i said GUESS, dave. GUESS.
TG: ok
TG: did you finally get laid? Aw man and i totally missed it.
TG: You probably hired a hooker with big ol knockers and i mean
TG: i mean like gigantic. im talking the size of two boulders glued to her chest. man why didnt you call me?
TG: i wouldve been like those old ass men on omegle.
TG: not that i go on omegle.
TG: cuz everybody knows how many wrinkly ass dicks are on there and man trust me i am NOT into that.
EB: Ew dave. That was gross.
TG: what
TG: gross good or gross bad?
EB: bad gross. Just plain nasty!
TG: shit sorry man
EB: its okay dave just
EB: maybe tune it down a bit?
TG: yeah
TG: sure
EB: hey whered you learn to be so vulgar anyways haha
EB: my dad would KILL me!

 

==> Dave: Why ARE you so vulgar?

 

 

You don't know. Except you DO know but, you don't really know. You know your Bro always talked to YOU like that. But you never found it funny. You know it's a level of irony that only your Bro can reach. But why attempt it if you know you just don't quite get it.

 

Poor John, his dad would probably beat his ass if he sees some of the messages you send him. You feel bad for making him so uncomfortable. Even though he's only four months younger than you, he's way more innocent in a way. 

 

Not that he's stupid or uncool, he's one of the coolest kids you've met, but he just doesn't know some of the stuff you do. 

 

==> Dave: Change the subject.

 

 

TG: so what did you want to tell me
EB: oh yeah!
EB: my dad bought me this game,
EB: and its toootally epic!
TG: thats sounds sick
TG: maybe we can play sometime
EB: yeah!
EB: oh man sorry dave, my dads calling me rn. Ugghhh hes the worst! So weird!!
EB: gtg
EB: bye dave!!!
TG: byye

 

You suddenly don't feel like working on your sick beats anymore. You decide you'll do it later. Because cool guys ALWAYS procrastinate. 

 

You roll off your chair with your blanket tightly wrapped around your body. You fall to the floor with a THUNK. 

 

That uhhh never happened. You hope the cameras Bro secretly put in your room didn't catch that. Those sickos who didn't get Bros genius ironic snuff cams probably would probably get off on seeing his little boy self falling on his face. Man. Humiliating!

 

You get up and leave your room slightly embarrassed. You tiptoe to your kitchen. Your Bro is nowhere to be found. Must be at one of his gigs. The tv is on, displaying graphic violent puppet pornography. You try not to stare.

 

Awsome! Your hand drawn crayon colored SBHJ picture is hung up on the fridge. Bro must have appreciated your effort. You smile at the acknowledgment of your improving understanding of peak irony. Though you know you'll never be quite as good as your Bro. 

 

==> Dave: Open the refrigerator.

 

 

!? 

 

Shitty swords and crude puppets topple over you. 

 

Of course you knew they were in there. You're not even sure why you looked.

 

If you want to keep any food or beverages in this apartment, you've pretty much got no choice but to hide stuff away in your closet.

 

It's only on extremely rare occasions the refrigerator is used for its intended purpose and only on rarer that it's being used for its intended purposes for reasons other than as a trap for surprise strife attacks. 

 

You roll out of the pile of swords and smuppets. When you bump into something. 

 

?? 

 

!! 

 

Shit.

 

It's your Bro. You didn't even see him come in! He's so cool. You leap to your feet. 

 

"Hey.” you say coolly.

 

He nods at you. So cool. Be cool Dave, you remind yourself. 

 

You adjust your blanket as you stand before him. Shivering like a dumbass. 

 

“You cold?" he puts a hand to feel your cheek. The rough leather feels warm on your cheek so you nuzzle against it just a little.

 

“Nah, Bro. It's so hot I thought Matth- uhh. I meant Beyonce.” Bros hand that was before just lightly holding your face clenched harshly. 

 

“What were you going to say? Gross Dave. None of that gay shit. Not in my house.” he lightly slaps you. 

 

“No Bro I’m not- It's this guy- er. Celebrity John's like obsessed with. Ha that man is like crack cocaine to John I swear to god-”

 

Bro cups your face with both his hands and pulls your face closer to his “So John's gay? Your little internet neet? You want to suck his little faggot dick?”

 

“No no Bro I swear John obsession is totally an ironic thing! It's just a joke.” 

 

Bros grip on you lightens. “Ah I see. No harm little bro.” he pats you on your back a little too aggressively. “Haha. You're shaking so hard right now. Did I scare you, bro?”

 

Jesus yes. “No, it's just real cold in here today.” you half-lie.

 

“You cold lil Bro? Huh. Let's fix that” he guides you by the shoulders to his futon. The puppet porn still playing on the TV. You stand awkwardly as he lays down and opens his arms for you to climb in. 

 

You must've been six or so the last time he let you be so close to him. You climb in and Bro wraps his arms around you under your blanket. You try not to let this nice moment be spoiled by the gruesome wet sounds of a puppet being used inappropriately against a screaming man's dick. 

 

You close your eyes and take in your Bros scent and warmth. Because who knows when the next time you'll get another chance to. As you squirm closer you feel something stiff rub against your leg. It couldn't be what you thought it was. He's not like that. He's not gay. And he wouldn't do that to you. His little bro! 

 

==> Dave: Don't freak out.

 

 

“What the fuck is that!" you ask shakily as you attempt to pull away. 

 

“What's what?” he softly grinds on you. 

 

“That!” you shriek.

 

“What do you think?” he asks way too calmly for the situation. 

 

Gross. Your body goes limp as you stop uselessly thrashing. You bury your face in his chest, refusing to answer his question, hiding into his body and blankets. 

 

Shiiit. You feel him shift near his crotch area. 

 

It feels like a thousand bugs are crawling on your skin. Ladybugs, butterflies, ants, beetles, worms, cockroaches, and centipedes. Then he tells you to “Look” he lifts the blanket for you to see. You don't want to. You really don't want to. 

 

“Look.” he demands again. You’d rather get hurt for not listening than look, but he grips your hair and forces you to look down. 

 

A stupid fucking bright pink smuppet is laying between his legs. You feel his body shake with laughter while you've been shaking with fear.

 

He lets you slip out of his arms and you run to your room, face red with humiliation. 

 

==> Dave: How the hell are you supposed to feel about this??

 

 

You just feel so.. So..  So STUPID! Why would you ever think your Bro would do that to you? He's not like that. And the way you were totally about to let him. 

 

Wiping your tears you sit on your empty bed. You left your blanket and you have no intention of getting it now. You feel so embarrassed. Bro just laughed in your face. 

 

Dave: Stop fucking SHAKING. 

 

Pull yourself together, dude! Nothing even happened. But you can't help but feel he took it too far this time. 

 

No. geez. You need to stop being so sensitive. It was just a prank. A funny, ironic, prank. 

 

You need to stop thinking about it. 

 

==> Dave: Distract yourself.

 

 

The computer pings with a new notification from PESTERCHUM.   

 

==> Dave: Look at your computer.

 

 

EB: hey dave!!
TG: wgsts up
TG: what did youur dad wannt
EB: hmm?
EB: stares suspiciously
TG: wgat
EB: nothing!
EB: well
EB: why are you typing like that?
TG: sorry

 

==> Dave: Calm yourself.

 

 

Deep breaths. Your hands are still trembling like crazy. It will take you significantly longer to type. 

 

EB: Dave?
EB: Daave?
TG: sorry
TG: its just cold as balls over here. Got me shivering like a drowned cat who cant swim
EB: haha!
EB: can any cat swim?
TG: probably not
EB: poor kitty!!
EB: but dont you live in texas? Isnt it super hot there?
TG: yeah i guess its supposed to be
TG: i think Bro turned the thermo down
TG: so what did your dad want
EB: eeh he wanted help. With something dumb with the car
EB: i had to hold a flashlight for like an hour!
TG: you poor thing.
EB: youve been talking to rose tooo much
TG: shitt
TG: no you see the difference between me and her is that i said it ironically and she says it semi jokingly.
EB: whats the difference??
TG: ones significantly cooler
EB: if you saay sooo.
TG: i do say so
TG: i say so a million times over

 

==> Dave: Just stop..

 

 

It's pathetic. You're trying to hold a conversation but your heart is just not in it. 

 

==> Dave: Do something else

 

 

You pull up MS PAINT because you remember Rose talking about art being a good way to get your emotions out or something. 

For a moment you just stare at it. It make's your situation make just a little more sense to you.

It's confusing and unfunny and it's perfect.

==> Dave: Click post.

Notes:

Oh my effing god i don't even know if im gonna update this ever i am not even kidding it took me three hours to format this on ao3 i was a danger to myself and others holy shit. And i couldnt find the command color so i just used vriska..

Chapter 2

You didn't know you fell asleep until the sound of your door opening woke you. 

 

Your room is dark, the only light is coming from your dim computer that's on the lowest brightness setting. 

 

The door creaks as it opens further. You squint as you make out the figure of your Bro. 

 

Maybe he's here to return your blanket. 

 

You clutch your old ratty blanket that you got from deep in your closet. Its got bright little ponies. And you outgrew it five years ago but you're small enough that your main concern with it is its thinness. It does little to keep you from freezing. 

 

==> Dave: Close your eyes.

 

You still don't trust yourself to talk to him. So you close your eyes and hope he'll drop off your blanket and leave

 

Hm. He sure is taking a while. This seems like a pretty straight forward mission. What's taking him so long? 

 

==> Dave: Take a peek.

 

 

You take a peek. Squinting your eyes you see his figure still lingering in your doorway. You feel a bit bad. Maybe he’s sorry for what he did. Poor guy. Its not HIS fault you're a sensitive prick. 

 

But still, you keep pretending to sleep. You hear him take a few steps closer. That's enough, big guy. Keep your distance. 

 

Person space, Bro! You take another peek and quickly regret it. Bro is standing over your bed not wearing his ironically cool glasses, he's staring like those freaks on the bus who very clearly want to kidnap you and take you to their underground secret basement child groping cave. While you're fine on a certain level with creeps on the street looking at you like that, it's so wrong to see that look on your Bros face. 

 

Or maybe you're just completely misreading the situation. As you tend to do. 

 

You've got this horrible feeling in your stomach. 

 

==> Dave: Pretend to be asleep.

 

 

Can he leave already? You love your Bro and all but you're just not ready for the irony he's been bestowing you as of late, between now and the smuppet incident. You think he forgets just how nowhere near his level you are. 

 

In all honesty you're feeling a bit uncomfortable. 

 

Alot uncomfortable. 

 

So very uncomfortable.. 

 

Eruggh..

 

Why isn't he leaving?

 

==> Dave: Take one last peek.

 

 

You squint your eyes just enough so that you can see him but he can't see you looking in the darkness of your room. He looms over you looking almost remorseful? Regretful? He runs a hand on your cheek, just slides his hand across it. You squirm away, hoping to give him the impression that you really are sleeping and he might wake you up if he keeps this up. You even let out a disgruntled hum. 

 

He laughs lightly at that. A genuine one, not his ironic snarky chuckle or up played loud cackle. It's a quiet thing, it's rare that you get to hear it. You stop squirming to hear it better. 

 

But he needs to keep his hands to himself now. He's petting your face, which a few hours ago you would've felt it slightly embarrassing but welcomed, after the events on the futon you just feel uncomfortable. 

 

For a brief minute he just stands there and pets you. 

 

And then his hand strays downwards to your blanket. 

 

And then on your blanket. 

 

And then they are slowly pulling your blanket down. 

 

==> Dave: What will you do?

 

 

You can't be Dave anymore 

 

==> Dave: What are you going to do?

 

 

You can't be Dave right now because there is no Dave to be right now. Dave's not here right now. 

 

==> Be Dave anyways

 

 

There's this really stupid dude sitting  on his bed, confused about what just happened.

You are Dave Strider

You wake up covered in sweat. It's unbearably hot. 

 

 

Your Bro was in your room and then

 

And then... 

 

And then? 

 

You can't remember. 

 

You woke up alone on your bed with your blanket returned haphazardly thrown on top of you. 

 

It must have been a surprise strife attack because you're covered in small bruises littering your stomach, legs, arms, and neck. 

 

It is a seasonably warm July day. Your bedroom window is open and you can hear the crows sing to each other. 

 

Your closet is slightly ajar,  you don't feel like getting apple juice or Cheerios, your appetite is lackluster this morning. You shiver at the sight of your fan. Or maybe for some other reason. 

 

You try to shake your confusion for the time being. 

 

==> Dave: Text a friend!

 

 

TG: hey guess what

 

You're just about to text your pal John, when suddenly you get a notification from pesterchum. You wonder who else could be texting you... 

 

TT: Dave.

TG: hello to you too

TT: Sorry, 

TT: Hello, Dave. 

TG: hi

TT: I couldn't help but notice you've updated my favorite comic.

TG: and you totally loved it?

TT: Well... 

TG: what.

TT: It's just that... 

TT: They are brothers, yes?

TG: yeah so what

TT: I could stand all the racism and sexism to a point,

TT: But this update had a high level of incestuous undertones. I’m a bit curious on what made you take this artistic route?

TG: aw what.

TG: gross rose. did you even read it at all?

TG: it was a sword you pervert.

TT: So you say.

TT: And what was the white stuff coming out of the sword?

TG: sweat

TT: I see.

TG: oh i bet now your thinking im getting all up and freaky with my bro

TG: so gross rose. me and my bro, we are not down like that. No way in hell thats so gross.

TG: TG: i would never.

TG: and neither would he

TG: youve been reading tooo much freud

TG: i keep telling you hes outdated

TG: and now hes turned your brain into some incest seeking soup. and not the good soup thats like 99 cents that you can crack an egg in and feel like your gordon fucking ramsey.

TT: I never implied that you were ingaging in incest?

TG: well shit now you are.

TT: Does your brother touch you in your special place?

TG: whoa

TT: Only joking.

TG: only half joking.

TG: you know hes not my brother though

TG: i just call him bro

TG: cuz thats what he tells me to call him

TT: Interesting.

TG: hey wait dont go around thinking im the bottom bitch

TG: i dont listen to his orders no sir

TG: im the alpha dom daddy.

TT: I meant the brother thing.

TG: oh

TG: yeah

TT: So what is he? Adoptive dad? Uncle? Kidnapper?

TG: why was none of those options biological father?

TT: He’s your biological dad? Really?

TG: yup borned me straight out of his womb

TG: probably

TT: You always described him as so young.

TG: hes like 40

TT: Does he have a job? His schedule is so inconsistent.

TG: well hes the breadwinner

TG: brings home all the bread. yeast farm over at my place. be there or be square

TT: What does he do? He stays at home all day most of all days, doesn't buy groceries, and goes on benders for weeks at a time.

TG: one, noneya bees wax.. Two, he works from home, three, he does get groceries.  my closet is stocked sister.  and four, your the only one who thinks theyre benders. Hes a dj. sometimes he has to travel to get to gigs. its chill.

TG: im not some lonely little house wife waiting for her husband to come back from work. i do just fine on my own thank you very much.

TT: Is he a part of some gang affiliation? Why is his job so classified?

TG: he makes puppet porn

TT: Oh.

TG: ironically

TT: Of course.

TG: i gotta scram.

TG: egberts pesting me

TG: talk to you later

TT: Why not just say ttyl?

TG: no thats gay

TT: Because you're the pinnacle of straight male performance.

TG: hell yes i am

 

During this whole conversation John has been pestering you. 

 

==> Dave: Check up on John.

 

 

EB: yesss?

EB: oh gosh

EB: am i really supposed to guess?

EB: i dont know!

EB: auughhhhh

EB: i dont have any guesses!

EB: daaaaaveeee

EB: daaveeeeee

TG: hey

EB: dave! can i get a hint

TG: there isnt really anything to guess i just wanted to talk to you

EB: you dickwad thats so sweet but why would you make me sit there and guess for ten whole minutes!

TG: haha

TG: you didnt even guess a single thing

EB: its the principle of it.

TG: wanna hang out now

EB: yeah! lets all get on a video call and i can show you all my sick skills on my rad new game

TG: hell yeah

EB: cool ill tell jade and rose

TG: what i dont get to tell anyone

EB: okay... you can tell jade and ill tell rose

TG: thats not fair jade probably is already on call because she knew before we knew

EB: okay! you tell rose and il set up the game!

TG: yeah thats chill

 

==> Dave: Tell Rose.

 

 

TG: come play with us

 

You did a good job. 

 

==> Dave: Join call.

 

 

“Dave!" you are immediately greeted by Jade. 

 

“Turn your camera on!” John pesters you. 

 

“Hi Jade, fuck off, John.” you click the preview camera anyways to make sure your bruises aren't too bothersome. They've seen you in worse condition so you shrug and turn on your camera. 

 

John cheers when he sees you pop up on the screen and you give him an awkward wave. You aren't used to people other than Bro interacting with you. Most people in public just stare without much talking, and when they do talk you aren't obligated to respond or react at all. 

 

You never really got along with your peers. Which is to say they were intimidated by your cool kid swag. Which is to say they bullied the fuck out of you and you cried about it enough times to your Bro that he pulled you out of school all together. 

 

 “Are you ready to watch my awesome game play?” John asks. 

 

“Totally” you reply. Your computer beeps as Rose joins the call. 

 

“Rose turn on your camera!" John pesters her. 

 

“Hello.” she says once her camera is on. Her eyes narrow as she makes eye contact with her screen. You can hear the click of her keyboard. You wonder what she's typing. 

 

She's texting you! 

 

TT: Dave you scoundrel, what is on your neck!

TT: I’m surprised. I've never pegged you as that kind of boy.

TG: what

TG: the kind of boy who gets his shit rocked?

TG: shit rose you dont just go around and pointing out a guys defeats he might be all up and insecure about them

TT: You got your rocked alright, if those hickeys on your neck are anything to go by.

TG: what

TG: i do not have hickeys on my neck

TG: what

TT: Sure... 

 

“Dave and Rose stop clicking on your keyboards and pay attention to us!” John interrupts. He says something else and a conversation starts going but it's drowned out by your thoughts. 

 

You rub your neck insecurly. You feel a bit dumb because your bruises are smaller than any other bruise from Bro. It makes sense for it to be hickeys. But how would you get hickeys? 

 

You think back to last night. You look at one of the hidden cameras in your room. You feel uncomfortable knowing the camera knows more about you than you do. The camera knows what happened to you. And you don't... And all those creeps watching.. 

 

There's a knock on your door and you flinch violently. Switching off your camera you quickly mutter something about being right back before muting audio. 

 

You've never felt so scared to see Bro. Not even when he comes home drunk as the devil and you have to hide in your closet so you don't make him angry just by existing. 

 

You don't want to know what he did to you last night. 

 

You're just about halfway to your door when he gets impatient and opens it himself. The sight of him makes you heave. 

 

He nods at you and you're not filled with your usual admiration. 

 

“Who are you talkin to?” his gruff voice shakes you to your core. 

 

“nobody. Just my- my uh friends.” you curse yourself for stuttering. 

 

He doesn't like that answer. “You showing yourself off to men on the internet?” 

 

That's so hypocritical of him. He shows your body to strangers in Livestreams 24/7 and you can't? Not that you would. “What? No. I’m not gay." you reply defensively. 

 

“You know, Dave.” he leans in closer, putting his arms on your shoulders. “There's nothing wrong with being gay.”

 

That goes against just about everything he’s ever told you. You try to shove him away. “what? Dude. You said-” 

 

“Forget about what I said,”

 

Now is not the time to be a gay ally. You're not really homophobic. Your friends with Rose for christ sake and you think she's probably gay or whatever the female equivalent of being gay is, she's always asking about our political views on gay stuff and you never really felt strongly on that stuff but Rose is a cool girl so being gay must be alright, and you don't think your Bro is homophobic in an unironic way. He's brought home boys before. Or at least you assumed they were boys, it's hard to tell because whenever Bro brings home his romantic partners you scurry to your room and hold your head under your pillow, but you can still hear some rather manly moans mixed with your Bro's.

 

“Just think about it.” He gives you a harsh pat on the shoulder. “I’m going out. Got a gig pretty far, will probably be back next week.”

 

You give him a shaky nod and you're about to step back when he pulls you in for a hug. Despite yourself you pull in and hug him back, “bye” you mumble before you pull away. 

 

Once Bros gone you look at the camera and wonder if anyone's watching. You wonder what they think about you. Could Bro really have done awful things to you in your sleep? 

 

You hang up the call with your friends without saying goodbye. You'll make it up to them sometime. 

 

You open up MSPAINT and start on a new update.

It's a bit funny when you look at it like this.

Notes:

I lied i uploaded a week later.