Chapter Text
High school was never a heavenly place to begin with, but Ivan felt like it got way more hellish during exam season. That was, of course, something that came with advantages, too. Not everybody had the skill of math that Ivan did, and honestly, tutoring other students helped him memorize the formulas better. It was a win-win situation, even though he was often asked a lot of nonsense questions and had to explain things over and over.
Just like now.
“Hold on, go over that part again.” Till straightened in the uncomfortable library chair, leaning towards the physics test book open on the desk. “The fuck is this graphic supposed to mean?”
Despite being one year Ivan’s senior, Till sucked at physics. Or maybe, Ivan was too good at it for a junior, having grown up with a physician mother and an older sister like Sua.
“Light curve of the eclipsing variable,” Ivan whispered, drawing over the image on the book. “And right here is the change in magnitude in the span of days.”
From the way Till scratched his head, Ivan gathered he hadn’t understood. Without a doubt, he reached for his bag and took out his notebook, instantly flipping over the pages of embarrassing writing and opening up a clean page.
“Look,” he whispered, drawing three circles: two of them very close to one another, and the third one a little further. “These close ones are binary stars. If the plane of their orbit lies edge-on towards Earth, they will create an eclipse each orbital period. That’s what we call an eclipsing binary.”
“Slow the fuck down, man,” Till grumbled, a bit louder than he should have in the school library. “I’ve been skipping physics for a semester. I don’t even know what those binary stars mean.”
Ivan didn’t get offended at his attitude. If anything, he kind of found it cute. With a slight smirk he tried to hide, he drew two circles on the striped notebook. “Binary star system consists of two stars that are gravitationally bound to each other.” Ivan stroked two orbits around the circles that intersected. “They eclipse once in a while, and what we calculate is the light curve of that eclipse.”
Till’s eyes lingered quite longer on the bad drawing of the stars. “Binary stars,” he echoed. “They just orbit around one another? For an eternity?”
Ivan put his elbow on the table, pressing his cheek in his palm. “Well, of course every star has a lifespan. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they explode and create black holes.”
Till hummed. “Do they ever collide?” he asked.
At that question, Ivan’s gaze strayed to the drawing, as well. “That’s a low possibility,” he said. “Most of the time, they don’t.”
After a brief pause, “Such a shame,” Till said, though his voice was lacking the enthusiasm. “Go on, then. Explain that light curve shit again.”
Ivan didn’t roll his eyes or sigh because he had been explaining the same thing to Till for hours. If it was needed, he would explain a thousand times more. If Till asked for it, he would rewrite the book in a language he could understand.
So, he just grinned at the fulfilling idea of Till depending on him to pass the upcoming physics exam, and started explaining the light curve of eclipsing binaries one more time.
. . .
After a long hour of physics, Till had finally decided it was enough brain frying for today and told Ivan he had understood some of the prompts, enough to get a valid score in the exam.
“Thanks for the tutoring, Ivan. I appreciate it,” Till said as they were walking out of the library. “I hope I can pass physics and get done with that shitty class now.”
“The exam isn’t until friday,” Ivan said, gripping the strap of his bag. “If you need a review until then, I can always help.”
“Thanks. Oh, hold up.” Till opened his bag and dug a hand inside. “Could you also do my math homework until tomorrow? Trigonometry. I don’t understand that shit.”
Ivan blinked. “I could teach you instead,” he suggested.
But Till shook his head. “No time. I need to turn this in tomorrow or I will fail the class. Again . Sorry for the load but you’re my only hope, really.”
Ivan didn’t mind trigonometry. Knowing the formulas, it was a piece of cake. And when he looked at the easy questions on the paper Till handed him, he could probably be done with it in a ten minute break.
“Sure,” he said at last. “I’ll be done with it until tomorrow.”
Till gave a relieved sigh. “God, thank you. Don’t know what I’d do without you.” He tapped Ivan twice on the shoulder before reaching into his pocket for his phone.
“See you later, then,” Ivan called.
Till nodded in agreement before he brought his phone to his ear. “Hey, Mizi? Sorry, babe. I was in the library.”
His girlfriend was calling. Of course.
Till waved at Ivan in means of goodbye and turned in the hallway without even glancing at him, already heading away. “Of course. Exam week. You know the drill. So, what was it, sweetie? Your voice sounds off.”
Ivan decided to not eavesdrop and respect his privacy.
So, he, as well, turned away and took a short look at the trigonometry homework in his hands as he made his way towards his classroom.
. . .
“Where were you the whole lunch break?” Sua asked, leaning onto the vending machine as she held out a carton cherry juice to Ivan.
He took it gladly. “Tutoring,” he said, pulling the straw and opening the plastic pack of it. “Exam week gets everyone fighting for their lives in the trenches.”
Sua snorted. “You should get money from that shit. I used to do that last year. Really made mom and dad proud because I was improving a business mindset.”
Ivan didn’t want to admit it, but that sounded like a good deal. To make mom and dad proud . “Yeah,” he considered. “I will be thinking about that. Thanks.”
“Take your time,” his sister said. “We’re still in the midterm week. Maybe you can monetize some of your thing for the finals, so those sophomores can get a grip and have to choose between paying you a load or studying properly.”
Ivan didn’t say that the boy he was tutoring just this lunch break was not a sophomore, but rather, a senior who was Sua’s classmate, Till.
He was pretty sure Till would kill him if he ever said that, anyway.
As the two started walking down the crowded hall, minutes before the bell would ring for the next period, “So, are you coming home with me today?” Ivan asked.
Sua hummed, sounding quite like an exhale. “Well, I have something to do with Mizi, so how about you return without me? I’ll take the bus. Tell mom I won’t be late.”
Ivan didn’t need to put much reading into it, truthfully. Sua and Mizi had always been close since middle school, despite the girl being a junior just like Ivan. “Sure,” he said with a shrug. “Just try not to be late to dinner if you value your food.”
“Hey!” Sua hit him on the shoulder, making Ivan gack as he tried to avoid her next hit.
“Sorry!” he apologized before hastily walking into his own classroom in order to escape his sister’s wrath.
“Don’t you dare eat my food!” Sua called after him.
“I won’t, Jesus, calm down!”
His next class being math really allowed Ivan some time to tackle Till’s trigonometry homework while his teacher taught quadratic equations on the blackboard. Not a topic of Ivan’s preferences, maybe, but he knew enough of it to pass the upcoming test. There was no need for him to listen to the lecture, at least until they got to the parabola graphics.
Halfway through the class, Ivan had finished the questions with a clear set of solutions written step by step. He’d also written a chart of trigonometric values on the corner of the page, in case Till actually wanted to learn what sine, cosine, and tangent really equated to.
He doubted he would ever look, though.
Once the paper was completely done, Ivan checked the corner of the assignment, where Till’s name and class was supposed to write.
Ivan had an idea for what to do. He took out his striped notebook, the one he had taught Till physics on just today. Till had written in it somewhere.
It would work for a sample for Ivan to mimic his handwriting.
He flipped through the pages to find the page where Till had answered several questions Ivan had written down for him, to check whether he had actually understood the unit.
Funny enough, three out of five were incorrect. But Till seemed to be more interested in the two that he indeed got correct while deciding to end the session.
Ivan wandered his eyes over the page, taking a look at Till’s usage of letters. His pen strokes were sharp, fast, messy.
Wouldn’t be so hard to imitate.
Ivan made sure to make his writing seem just as sharp, without hesitation. He was careful, but also, confident. Maybe it wasn’t a carbon copy of Till’s writing, but it was believable enough. He wrote Till’s name, surname, and class on the corner, and with that, the assignment was done.
Just as Ivan was checking the answers once again, the bell rang, indicating the class was over.
Chairs scraped the ground, talking noises loudened, and the teacher gathered his stuff to leave the class.
So, Ivan tucked the trigonometry assignment into his bag to hand it to Till before tomorrow, and acted like it had never been on his hands.
. . .
The day was finally over and Ivan was about to leave the school when the silhouette of Till caught his eye. The senior was walking out of the building, but heading towards the gymnasium instead of the gates.
Maybe he was staying late because of rehearsals.
Usually, seniors weren’t allowed to attend school clubs since the school expected them to focus on their academics because of their approaching university exam. Ivan was familiar with the stress of it, having a sister who worked her ass off for a proper university.
But despite being a senior, Till was too good at basketball for the coach to disregard him from the team. Besides, Till wasn’t too big on academics, and clearly wasn’t planning to go to university. So, the coach had promoted him to team captain instead.
Maybe Ivan could catch up to him and hand him the trigonometry homework before he forgot.
So, Ivan left the school after Till and followed him towards the gymnasium.
But Till didn’t stop at the gymnasium.
He passed the building and went behind it instead. So, Ivan halted a little.
It was no secret that behind the gymnasium was a private location usually used by couples. But it quite frankly belonged to the seniors, and if they saw an underclass fooling around, they would make them pay for it.
Especially if it was a senior like Till.
“Hey babe.” Ivan heard Till’s voice. “I came as soon as I saw your text.”
Eavesdropping was bad. Ivan had been told that many times: whenever he was caught eavesdropping on his mother and father’s private conversations, or Sua’s long phone calls with Mizi gossiping about people he didn’t know.
But if he wasn’t caught, what determined what was good and bad?
Ivan took several careful steps towards the gym, leaning on the wall to listen better to the conversation going on on the other side.
“Till, we need to talk.” Mizi’s soft, sweet voice was seethed with a note of distress.
There was a short silence before, “Of course,” Till told her. “What’s wrong, darling?”
Ivan approached a little more towards the backside of the gym.
“I think you know what’s wrong, Till,” Mizi said. Those words could be acute when spoken by someone else, but when it was Mizi, they were somehow appealing. “Stop looking at me like that, you’re making this harder.”
Ivan couldn’t help but wish he could see how Till was looking at Mizi as she said that.
“I… don’t know what you’re talking about, Mizi,” Till responded, making Mizi sigh.
“Till, I really don’t want to break your heart but you’re not leaving me another chance than to say it out loud,” Mizi let out in one breath. “We don’t—this doesn’t work out anymore. You must’ve felt it already.”
“What?” Till asked. “Hold on, Mizi, why so sudden?”
“No, not sudden,” Mizi insisted. “We have been dating for a semester now, and it’s just not working out. You must’ve felt us drifting away, as well.”
“I didn’t feel shit, Mizi,” Till said, though he sounded desperate. “If there’s a problem you see in me, just say it to my face and give me a chance to fix it—”
“It’s not you—”
“No, don’t pull the ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ shit now. Let’s talk this out properly.”
Mizi sighed. “There’s nothing to be talked about,” she said. And for the first time since the beginning of the conversation, that could be the first strike to draw blood out of Till. “It doesn’t feel the way it used to.”
A brief hesitance.
“You mean I don’t love you anymore?” Till asked, and maybe Ivan was imagining things, but he was sure he heard his voice crack. “That’s how you feel? Miz, I’m sorry if I ever made you feel that way.”
“No, Till,” Mizi said, way too softly for words that sounded like knives. “I have never doubted your love, and I feel awful that I can’t return it the way you deserve. But I just don’t. I’m sorry, but I don’t love you like that. When I first accepted to be your girlfriend, I just… I thought all I needed was to give it some time but now it’s been a whole semester and I—”
“Okay,” Till said. “No, okay, I get it. I’m sorry.”
There was a moment of silence, enough for Ivan to cover a hand over his mouth as he processed everything he just heard.
“I should be the one to apologize,” Mizi said quietly.
Ivan could imagine Till shaking his head. “Please don’t. It’s not…your fault.” He took a deep breath. “Thank you for giving me a chance to be with you.”
“Till,” Mizi said, pity draping from those words. “If you want to stay friends—”
“You know I won’t do that, Mizi.” That was decisive. Strict.
“I’m sorry,” Mizi said again.
And whatever Till was going to say next, Ivan didn’t hear, because he heard footsteps.
Shit . He better not get caught here in the seniors’ spot, especially while eavesdropping on Till and Mizi’s breakup.
That wouldn’t end nicely.
So, Ivan scrapped the idea of giving Till back his homework and with fast yet quiet steps (hardest thing he’d ever done on grass ground) Ivan walked away from the gymnasium and headed out of the school territory without looking back.
Only when he was on the pavement to the bus stop did Ivan finally slowed down his steps and took a casual attitude like nothing was wrong.
He reached for the phone in his back pocket and opened his messages. There were several new messages from his group chat with Hyuna and Luka, unironically named fuck you luka (what did i do??) .
Ivan : You won’t believe what I just witnessed.
Both of them were suddenly online.
Hyuna : It better be about someone getting railed or Luka being hit by a truck or I’m not interested.
Luka : ??? what the fuck??
Ivan snorted at his phone before he started typing quickly on the keyboard, telling the two everything.