Praise Loviatar

by AlpakaAlex

Summary:

Ever since he had settled down in Baldur's Gate, Tav is haunted by nightmares of his past. When he meets the Loviatan priest named Fhedré, Tav cannot help but be seduced, what the priest tries to offer him.

Notes:

Okay, let's do this quite self-indulgent story, that goes into the story of Tav and Fhedré for the most part, but also about the entire story of Tav being a chosen one.

Now, my Tav is a chosen of one of the gods. By the end of the story you will kinda know which one, though for now... let's keep it at that. But because of this, he got sucked into the events of the Second Sundering. Even though the entire point was, that Kantei tried to protect him from just that.

Something that is important to say: Please mind the tags. This story is based around the Cult of Loviatar, which basically means a lot of Fantasy BDSM. So, a lot of this is Explicitally Consensual, but not Safe or Sane. Because this takes place in the world of DnD, a lot of stuff can be helped with magic. Because of this, there is a going to be quite a few of BDSM scenes will draw blood or actually involve somewhat serious hurt, that is going to be healed with magic. So, please, expect quite a bit of that.

Another Warning: While this story does not involve full flashbacks, it will call back to some stuff from Tav's past. Which involves him being a child prostitute - who also got punished in that brothel, where he was kept. Which is why I put in the Underage warning in there, because I decided that those flashbacks were just a tadbit too explicit to not put it in.

What else?

Oh yeah. Be warned, that while this story does feature Tav/Fhedré/Kantei as endgame, it will focus primarily on Tav/Fhedré was a shipping. That ship does have a fairly big age difference (with both being human, Tav is 25 here, Fhedré is 40), and it is definitely not healthy. But they are still super sweet about it.

That said: Have fun. This will update weekly.

Chapter 1: Beauty in Pain

A whimper escaped Tav’s lips, just as another jolt shook his entire body. His head was hanging below his body, his back was arched. He was fully under Viola’s power – and they all knew it. All he could do was whimper against the gag, that pressed deep into his throat.

Yet another jolt rant through his body, starting in his cunt and just spreading. It was painful and pleasurable at once. The pain was almost overtaking him, but just not quite. He could do nothing but endure it.

The jolts originated from that enchanted dildo. A thing made to torture. Only that Tav wanted to be tortured. He wanted this pain.

Sweat was running down his body, was mixing with the blood on his skin. He could not see it, but he could feel it. Just as he could somewhat sense Viola walking around him. She ran her hand over his stomach, just as the next jolt hit him, making his entire body squirm. Then she gripped the thin chain running down from the hook threaded through his enlarged clit to similar hooks that were piercing his nipples.

She pulled the chain, until she was moving his entire body with it – and he could do nothing but writhe in wonderful anguish.

The next jolt made his entire body shake, as it came close to that next orgasm. Again he was whimpering, wanted to plead, only that his pleas were swallowed by the gag once more. Because he was completely under her control. Completely.

“You are pretty like this,” she whispered, putting even more pull onto that chain. “Oh, you are one pretty thing.”

When the next jolt hit him, Tav screamed. A scream both of pain and pure pleasure, as his body finally gave in, letting him cum once more.

Tears formed in his eyes, only to be soaked up by the black fabric of the blindfold. His breath came in short puffs, as his body was shaking. It only seemed to amuse his mistress, though, as her fingers glid along the chain, before rubbing against the pierced and painful clit.

“How long do you think we can keep you like this?” she purred. “How long until you faint?”

The truth was, that Tav did not care. He just wanted more. More of this wonderful feeling, that overrode any clear thought in his mind.

He yelped against his gag once more, as the next jolt was especially painful, making his entire body tense up.

“I think I know, what I will do next,” Viola whispered. She knelt in front of him, carefully loosening the gag, that in truth was more like another dildo pushing deep into his throat.

He was gasping for air, as she pulled it out.

“You know what I will do now, right?” she whispered, caressing his cheek.

“Yeah.” His voice was but a breath. “Yeah.”

“Good. Open wide.” She hummed the enchantment summoning those tentacles. It was not the first time for her to do this. Oh. It was far from the first time.

With his head hovering but a foot from the ground, those slimy black tentacles wrapped themselves around the head. Tav could barely gasp for air, before the first one pushed into his mouth with strangely more wistfulness than some sentient lovers might have had.

It did show little in terms of pity, though. It pushed into his throat, not minding any gag reflex he might have. In fact it pushed deeper into the throat, than any cock might have ever done, pushing into his pipes, while all he could do was try and keep his breath even.

To Viola he was a thing to experiment on. Something convenient for his deep-seated masochism that he could not quite explain himself. He was her toy – and he was fine with it, even as one of the tentacles wrapped itself around his throat, further limiting his breath.

Another jolt was shaking his entire body, while that one tentacle pushed further and further into his throat, coating him with that strange slime. It seemed to want to pry open his mouth even further, while the next jolt made his entire body jerk with pain.

He heard Viola chant the next bit of incantation, and once more knew what would happen, before it actually happened. This time the tentacles were wrapping themselves around his legs, bursting forth from the wooden binds he was hanging from. Those things were mere extensions of the sorceress’ will, not something with their own intentions. As such they mostly served to torture him, to further enhance his exploration of pleasure and pain. Not one, but two or three of them pushed into his ass, pushing deeply into him. Deeper than anything should. A feeling so wrong, and yet so strangely pleasurable that it was hard to describe.

Those tentacles were messaging him, were writhing inside of him. Alive and cold and slimy and yet so strangely, strangely…

The next two pushed into his cunt, where that painful dildo was already located. They did not mind it, of course, did not mind the jolts that turned even more painful just a moment later. Had his entire throat not been filled up, he would have screamed in anguish, while yet another orgasm was making his body shake. And still, those spells would not let up, further taking him, further controlling him, while all he could do was endure.

 

---

 

By the time, Tav was lying on the ground, his breath was shaky. Again and again he was retching up just a bit, as it was something that could not be helped after the ordeal.

His hands were still tied behind his back and there were still hooks and needles piercing his skin.

And yet, his body was shaking with excitement, and even though their session was over, little moans came still over his lips.

“Is it alright, if I untie you?” the deep voice of the cleric asked. Fhedré. That… friend of hers. Of Viola’s.

Tav still did not know what to make of him, but right now it did not matter. He nodded. “Yeah.” His voice was barely more than a whisper.

The man started, by loosening the blindfold, wiping some of Tav’s tears aside. He did not mention the mixture of salvia and vomit dirtying up Tav’s lips, as he just cleaned it off with a wet towel. Then he started to loosen the ropes holding Tav’s arms and legs so firmly in their place.

Even when they came free, they were still tingling after being in the same position for at least half an hour. But Fhedré seemed to understand. He carefully massaged them, just as Viola was bringing over a simple mug.

“Here.” There was less care in her voice, as she offered the tea to Tav. “You should drink.”

“I know,” Tav managed. His hands were shaking, as he took the mug, carefully putting it to his lips.

The tea felt wonderful against his abused throat right now. The simple warmth of it.

“Bring me some warm water,” Fhedré said, as he looked at Viola. “I am going to clean him off.” He paused, then looked at Tav once more. “If that’s alright with you.”

Tav did not instantly reply. Because frankly, he was still not sure what he thought about the man. Like Tav, Fhedré was human, though he was at least ten years his senior. Tav knew barely anything about him, other than that he was a cleric of Loviatar, the goddess of pain. Well, this and that he had found some enjoyment watching their sessions.

“Make sure not to pamper him too much,” Viola muttered, as she went to fetch hot water.

“Aftercare is not pampering,” Fhedré said. He was careful to not touch Tav too much, though he was still sitting by his side. Hovering, almost as if to make sure that Tav would not collapse.

Tav was not stupid. He knew that his entire thing with Viola was not exactly a healthy arrangement. Because while she also counted herself among the followers of Loviatar, she mostly was just sadistic and enjoyed her sadism. It was just that the pain she would inflict on him was better than anything in making him forget about other things in his life.

“You can lean against me, if you like.” Fhedré was careful in the way he spoke.

Tav emptied his mug of tea. “I think… I prefer lying on the ground.”

Fhedré smiled. “That’s alright, too. I am still going to pull out the hooks and needles, alright?”

Tav nodded, rather than wasting energy on a proper answer.

Lying down on the ground, he closed his eyes. In total there were three hooks and eleven needles piercing his body right now. But he had found that the pain of pulling them out was easiest endured, if one just relaxed.

He kept relaxing after it, too. His body was still shaking slightly, as Fhedré started to clean him, before going ahead with the magical healing.

It took its time. It always did. Maybe half an hour. But by the end Tav was feeling just a bit better. Not good – he mostly was feeling hollow right now – but better than before. At least the physical pain was gone and he felt somewhat strong enough to stand up once more.

“Careful,” Fhedré said, as Tav was swaying.

It was this worriedness that made Viola grunt. “He is no poor little princess, Fhedré.”

“He is trusting you with this,” the cleric said. “The least you can do in return is worry for him.”

“I know his limits,” she replied. “And he is going to be fine.”

Tav drew in a deep breath. “I am going to be fine. I just… I… I need probably just a bit of time… home.” He managed a smile.

“I will bring you home,” Fhedré said.

“You don’t need to,” Tav muttered.

“I insist.”

The truth was, that Tav did not quite know how to deal with him. They had met two months ago at an Loviatan ritual. And ever since…

Fhedré was nice to him. But still. He was Loviatan. And mostly, he seemed to enjoy watching Tav suffer. Something that felt wrong – even though Tav enjoyed this suffering himself.

It made him unsure how to act around the man, though. Not down there, when Fhedré was watching him getting tortured. Not up here on the streets of Baldur’s Gate, when he was walking behind him in a way, that made Tav feel as if he was about to faint.

“Your pain is beautiful,” Fhedré said after maybe a minute of silence.

This, too, Tav did not know how to react to. “Thanks…”

“I mean it,” Fhedré said. “I have seen few people accept it like that. Welcome it.”

Tav did not answer. He just did not know how. Instead he looked up to the sky, that was right now slowly turning orange in the evening.

“I…” Fhedré hesitated before speaking the next words. “I told you before. I think… I think you could find a home in the Lady of Suffering’s embrace.”

“I have a home,” Tav whispered.

“I know. I mean…” The cleric’s grey eyes watched Tav for a long moment. “I know what it means to hurt. I know that, Tav. And I… I do not know what has happened to you before. But I can see that pain still lingering inside of you.” He stopped in his stride, reaching out to touch Tav’s shoulder. “I know you barely know me, but… Please believe me, when I say, that I do know what this kind of pain is. And… Loviatar has helped me to deal with it. She has helped me understand my pain better.”

Tav looked at him. He looked at the man, wondering what he was even supposed to say to that.

He barely knew this guy, after all. But in the end… He sighed. “I will think about it,” he muttered, without any intend of doing that.

 

---

 

“You still are a pretty small thing,” the human man teased. “Do you really think you can fit it all in?”

Tav smiled, as he straddled that dragonborn. “Oh, you have no idea how flexible I am.” But the truth was of course that he knew it would hurt. He knew it would hurt so much. Still, if he did not keep those customers happy, they would take for themselves what they wanted. And he had learned from experience, that in those cases it would be even more painful.

So, he lowered himself onto that giant dick, trying to blink away the tears. He somehow managed to smile. “See,” he gasped. “Easy. I can take a big boy like you for breakfast.”

“Tav.” The voice speaking to him did not seem to have any origin, as he was in this room surrounded by that adventuring party. He had made sure none of the other kids would be here with him. It was bad enough if it was just him. No need for anyone else to suffer.

“You are tight,” that golden dragonborn hissed, his voice full of enjoyment.

“That was the idea,” one of the companions laughed. “A nice and tight…”

“Tav.” The voice seemed to be insisting. It was a female voice. Though right now there seemed  to be not a woman around. Just four men.

“Do you think you can fit a second one, too?” one of the men asked, grasping for Tav’s ass.

And once more Tav forced a smile. “I can fit a third one, too, if you manage to solve the equation around it, kind saer.”

“Tav!” This time someone shook his shoulders, finally forcing him awake.

Another nightmare. Or rather memory. Another one of the things that was haunting him.

Tav rolled onto his side, just as Kantei was hovering above him. She caressed his cheek, trying to wipe away his tears. “It’s alright,” she said. “It’s alright. It was… It was just another dream.”

Only that it was never that easy, right? Because those dreams were more than that. They were things created of his worst memories. Memories of that place he had escaped a good ten years ago, but that were still too vivid.

Still. Smiling. He could smile. It was something he had always been good at. A good, convincing smile. “Yeah. I…” He took a deep breath. “Thanks for waking me, Tei.”

Again her hands were caressing his cheeks and temples, wiping away tears and sweat. “Do you need anything?”

He shook his head. “No. Not… Not really.” He closed his eyes, once more taking a deep breath.

He hated this.

It had been nine months, since they had settled down in Baldur’s Gate. And ever since…

He did not want to blame Kantei for it. Because he understood her worry. It seemed the roads were getting more dangerous with every day. It was just… Somehow things had been easier to deal with while they had been out there, letting themselves get drawn from one adventure to the next. When the days had been exhausting, his sleep had been restful and dreamless. Something he knew in the city only on those days he allowed Viola to use him for her experiments.

Kantei looked at him, the worry so clear on her face. Then she got up, only to fill some water from a jug into a glass.

They were at her place. A boarding house for young women. And if the old crone owning the place found him, she would give them both quite a spanking. But at times he would still sneak in to sleep in Kantei’s bed, rather than in his own little place.

Yet, whenever they were like this, he would regret it.

He had not wanted her to move in with him because of this. Because he did not want to wake her every other night with these nightmares. He did not want to make her suffer for the things that had happened to him. It was not her fault, after all.

Now she pushed that glass into his hands. “Drink something.”

He did. The water felt good in his dry throat. A part of him wanted to bathe in it, though. A part that just wanted to run outside and jump into the Chionthar.

Kantei was careful, as she sat down on the side of the bed. “Do you want to tell me about it?” she offered carefully.

“About what?”

“The… the dream,” she said.

He evaded her gaze. Because she did not need to know anything more than she already did. He had been a child, when those goblins killed everyone, when he had been sold on that auction in Waterdeep. In the end he did not remember how old he was exactly. He just knew he had to have been around seven years old when the Misses had sold his virginity in an auction – and that he had been made to serve those customers nearly every night for the next eight years. Before he had managed to escape.

Kantei did not need those dirty details. She did not know about the exact things that people were willing to do even to young kids.

“It’s just been… Just been some customers,” he said. “Just… Just a memory of that.”

Kantei hesitated as she looked at him. It seemed for just a moment, that she would still ask another question, but in the end she sighed. “You know I am here for you, right?”

“I know,” he whispered.

“You know that I love you.”

“I know that,” he said. “I love you too, Tei. I just…” He sighed.

The truth was, that he would prefer risking his life out there on the road where strange things were happening in the world, before just staying here within the city walls, hoping for the nightmares to spare him.

It was the reason he went to Viola. He knew that woman did not respect him. Again and again she had ignored any boundaries he had given. But… Whenever she made him suffer for a good hour at her hands, he would buy himself at least one dreamless night. One night in which he did not need to remember.

He closed his eyes, trying to breath.

“Tei?” he whispered, without even thinking about it.

“What is it?”

“I… See… A friend of mine has asked me whether I might be able to help him with something. But… Well, if I do, I will be out of the city for a tenday or so.”

“Out of the city?” Kantei asked, frowning now.

“Yeah. I… It is nothing dangerous,” he said. “Just…” He should be better, when it came to lying. “They are just moving some wares and asked me to come along for entertainment.” With some hopefulness he looked at her, though he was not sure whether she would believe him.

It did not seem that way. Her frown was deep. “Where does this come from all of the sudden?”

“I… It is just something I have been thinking about recently,” he said. “Just… Please, Tei. I know you are worried. But… I do need to get out of the city from time to time. Just for a few days.”

He looked at him for a long moment, then she sighed. “I am worried about you. I really am.”

“I know…”

“I… I just wished you’d talk to me, you know?”

“I…” Another sigh came over his lips. “It’s alright. I swear. I am… I am going to be alright.”

Chapter 2: A First Lesson

Summary:

As Tav arrives at the Loviatar temple, he gets his first instructions from Fhedré.

Notes:

Kinks in this chapter: Impact Play (Flogging, Whipping, Cane), Knife Play, Blood Play, Bondage

“It is just for a tenday.” Tav looked at the cleric. “Only a tenday.”

For a moment he was almost certain, that Fhedré would touch him, but in the end the man thought better of himself. He gave a soft smile. “Yes. Only a tenday. And if you really do not find it helpful, you can leave earlier. This is about your choice, Tav. I swear.”

Tav looked at him, and nodded.

He felt still somewhat disoriented. A thing that came from travelling through portals. He was not even quite sure where exactly he was, only that it was a temple of Loviatar. Though this fact was bad enough, right?

Tav knew that Loviatar was known to be evil. She had done evil things in the past, had aligned herself with Bane, at times even with Bhaal. And he knew that his knowledge about the gods was spotty, so who knew what other crimes of Loviatar he did not even remember.

And yet, he was here. In her temple.

For the most part he was certain that the place was underground. There were no windows to be seen, with the light being provided through blue and purple crystals. He was mostly certain this was not the Underdark, but other than that… He did not know a lot.

It was a busy place, though. There were quite a few clerics and other worshippers moving around the place. All easily recognized by the rather revealing robes of the Loviatar worship. Most people following the goddess did not cover up their upper body. Partly because their scars played a big role in the religion, that much he knew. So their clothes were meant to show those scars to the world.

Fhedré had them too. Ritualistic scarifications. Three long scars over his chest and stomach. Smaller ones on the side and the shoulders. He was wearing a strange kind of dress from leather and feather around his shoulders, but otherwise only black trousers.

Tav assumed that it would say something about his rank within the temple, but he did not know anything about it. How much exactly could be gleamed from it.

“I know that in your mind you have probably a lot of idea on what the worship of Loviatar looks like,” Fhedré said. “But I promise you, it is not quite the way you think.”

“Yeah,” Tav muttered. “I guess.” A part of him wanted to wrap his arms around his body, trying to protect himself just a bit. He didn’t. He knew better than to openly show his weakness like this. He just did still not know what had actually driven him to go here.

“See,” Fhedré said, “most of us here have been hurt by the world out there in one way or another.” He shot Tav a long look. “Just like you have.”

“You do not really know my story…”

“I don’t.” Fhedré’s gaze was still soft. “Though I hope that one day you might trust me enough to tell me.”

Tav just nodded. He did not mean it, but it seemed like the most sensible reply to the request.

For a moment Fhedré was silent, then he started moving again. “For that tenday, you are going to stay with the other recruits for now. Though we are aware that you are not a recruit. You are just…” He clearly looked for the right word. “Giving it a chance.”

Once more Tav left his answer with a simple nod.

He was probably crazy to have come here. Nobody even knew, where he was. No matter how much Fhedré was swearing that he wanted his best… This was Loviatar. This was… Well, it was one of the bad cults, right?

And yes, Tav had those Loviatar worshipers use him in several rituals by now. It just… More than anytime before, he was completely at their mercy now, wasn’t he?

Maybe Fhedré was guessing his thoughts. “Are you afraid?”

Tav evaded his gaze. “No.” He was normally a better liar than this.

“It is alright to be afraid,” Fhedré said. “Both of the pain and… the other things.” He tried a very soft smile. “The trick is just not letting the fear control you.” With that he stopped in front of a doorway, opening it.

Looking into the room, Tav found it filled with four different beds. Simple, wooden beds, with just a simple blanket, instead of a mattress. No surprise, he guessed. After all the goddess of pain would not like them to have soft beds, would she now?

It seemed that two of the beds were right now in use. On a third were robes, carefully put together.

Entering the room, Fhedré went to that bed. “This is going to be yours for this tenday. You can sleep here. And those clothes… While you are here, we ask you to wear them.”

Tav nodded slowly. “I figured that much.”

“Do not worry too much,” Fhedré said. “I… While you are here, I will take care of you. I will make sure, that nothing happens without your consent. And that if anything is taken too far, you can tell me. I will make sure that you are going to feel safe.”

“Right…” Tav sat down on the side of that hard bed. He did not even know what he was supposed to think about this. Safety. Wasn’t he here to experience pain?

Again he was almost certain that Fhedré wanted to touch him. At least that was, what it looked like, as the older man almost sat down next to him. But in the end, Fhedré took a deep breath. “I will allow you to find your bearings. In…” He paused. “In an hour, I am going to fetch you for your first lesson.”

“Alright,” Tav said.

“And again, if you have any questions… Do not hold back. I swear, Tav. I… I want to help you, you know?”

For once Tav forced himself to look at the other man, forced himself to smile as well. “I know.” He hoped he was more convincing than he had been last time he had spoken to Kantei. Because he just could not bear anymore questions. Just as he could not bear anymore memories.

He just tried and focused on his breathing, as he sat there on that hard bed.

Of course he knew that all of this was probably a bad idea. But… It was the only idea he had by now. Because no matter what he did, those nightmares would come again and again to hunt him down, leaving him no rest, no moment of reprieve.

It had been almost ten years since he had fled Waterdeep. Since the circus had taken him in. One should think that ten years were more than enough to forget about it all. And for a time it had seemed that way. During those two years he had spend out on the road together with Kantei, it had all been bearable. But it seemed that his mind just could not deal with the idleness of having settled down.

He would love to say, that at least normal sex made it better. But it didn’t. Those things that Viola – and at times some of the other Loviatar worshipers – did to him, were the only thing to ever make a difference. At least after being used and abused by Viola, he could sleep. So, was it unrealistic to hope that this would do the same? Allow him at least a tenday of sleep?

He unfolded the clothes prepared for him. Black linen trousers, and a simple leather harness for his shoulders.

Well, he did not mind showing off his body. He rarely minded it at all. Even if he was not really certain of the kind of people who would see it here.

Loviatar was the goddess of pain. But that mostly meant, that her worshipers were masochists or sadists. Those enjoying pain in one way or another.

Ironically Tav was not even certain whether he enjoyed pain. He just knew that it made those memories go away. And that for one reason or another at some point his body became incapable of distinguishing between pain and pleasure. And then…

 

---

 

“Your scars,” Fhedré said, as he walked in front of him, “they look nice.” He shot him a careful smile.

Tav looked down on himself, down to his chest where the surgery having taken away his breasts had left two rather big scars. At this comment he almost smiled honestly, because yes, he was proud of those scars. Because more than anything they did show that he had lived. “Thank you.”

Fhedré shot him another look, before moving along the corridor.

“What… You said you were going to teach me a first lesson and…” Tav was not quite sure how to ask. “What do you mean with that?”

“I want to teach you about pain,” Fhedré said.

“I know about pain…” Tav’s voice was filled with bitterness.

“I know,” the cleric replied. “But…” For the first time he actually did it. He touched Tav, carefully putting a hand onto his shoulder. “Pain can be something good. Something soothing. I want to show you. I want to teach you how to use it for your own gain.”

Tav pursed his lips for a moment, but then nodded. “Alright.”

It turned out, that Fhedré had been leading him to a certain room. Tav had to assume there were several rooms like this here. As soon as a cantrip was used to light some torches, Tav knew the kind of place this was.

There were chains on the ground – and chains hanging from the ceiling. As well as a collection of whips and other instruments carefully lined up on the walls. Nothing that he had not seen in Viola’s private collection, though. Nothing that Viola had not used on him before.

Fhedré closed the door behind them. “I will not do anything that you do not consent to,” he said. “I will also not gag you for that reason. If I am going too far, you can tell me and I will stop.”

Tav looked at him. The man had tortured him before within the confines of rituals. Though in those cases Tav had been gagged and unable to withdraw from a magic ritual that had already started. “Alright.”

“I know that you can take a lot of pain,” Fhedré continued. “I have seen it before. But for now… I want to understand what pain is going to feel like for you. And I really want to understand it.” He paused, before giving an almost awkward smile. “I want to know how you feel about pain.”

Tav nodded carefully. “Okay.”

“Because of that, I want today to only… Well, whenever I have seen Viola do those things to you, there was always a sexual aspect to it. Today I want it to be all about the pain. Unless you wish for something else.”

Tav was frankly not quite certain. What he wanted. He just knew that when he was with Viola, the pain and pleasure would merge at some point and become enjoyable. He did not understand it himself. Maybe part of it was, that what had happened to him as a kid, had somehow broken something in him up. Had made it impossible for him to experience normal pleasure.

Still, he nodded. “Alright.”

“Good. I… I would ask you to get undressed. Things will be easier, if I can fully access your body.”

“Alright,” Tav said once more. He opened the harness on his shoulders, then those trousers. He had been barefoot either way.

He folded the clothes up, putting them in the corner of the room, before turning to the other man.

It was strange. Being naked just with him was strange. Mostly because he did not quite understand how the other man saw him. He knew he desired him, yes. In some way Fhedré was desiring him. But it was the exact way that he had no idea. How did Fhedré want him?

“Come,” Fhedré said softly, gesturing for Tav to come over to the center of the room, where the chains were located. Tav just went over there. He gave one hand to Fhedré, allowing the man to chain him. Then the other hand. With both arms hanging up, he just stood there, while Fhedré tied up the ankles to the chains on the ground – the legs spread apart just a bit.

“I am going to tie up your hair.” Fhedré ran his fingers through Tav’s long red hair. “Just so that it will not be in the way.”

“Okay.” Tav closed his eyes.

His heart was beating so strongly now. In anticipation. Because Tav just did not know what he was going to expect now. But in the end, Fhedré finished. Tying the hair into a knot, before once more putting a hand onto Tav’s now naked shoulder.

“Did you experience a lot of physical pain in your life so far?” he asked.

Tav hesitated. “I… Yes. I… I did.”

“What kinds of pain?”

The better question was more: What kind did he not experience? “A lot of different beatings. Like… A lot. Some… other forms of pain dealt out as punishment, too.”

“You were punished like this a lot?”

Tav hesitated, but then he nodded. “At least… For a while.” He still did not want to tell this man, who was barely more than a stranger about that place he had come from.

“Alright.” Fhedré went over to the collection of instruments on the wall, taking one of the most unassuming ones from there. A simple leather paddle. Carrying it in his hand, he returned to Tav. “I will start out with this. Is that alright?”

“Yeah,” Tav whispered. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, readying himself for the impact.

Fhedré was careful, yes, but he also did not hold back with his strength. When the paddle hit Tav’s ass, the slap was echoing from the walls, as Tav drew in a sharp breath of air.

For just a moment Fhedré waited, before beating him again. Then again. The pain was precise and sharp, each time it hit. The leather would not break the skin, it would just make the skin burn with a certain anguish, that could be at once punishing and welcome.

Back at that place, when the Misses would spank them, she would usually use a belt for it. Not too different from this. Though Tav had made a big mistake early on. The first time when the half-elf had punished him in front of everyone, he had simply taken it. He had done his best not to scream or cry – because he had been eight years old and he had been stupid.

“How does this feel?” Fhedré asked.

“It hurts,” Tav whispered. “But… Not too bad.”

So Fhedré hit him again. And again. Until the total had to be at about twenty times. Twenty hits on Tav’s ass and upper thighs, leaving them burning, but also a bit numb.

“It does look good.” The man spoke softly, as he put the paddle away. “Your ass is glowing red now.”

“I figured as much.”

Tav was well aware, that Fhedré was trying to look him in the eyes, but somehow Tav could not stand it. Most of all, because the expression in those grey eyes was so soft.

“You see… What you need to understand about our Goddess is, that pain is the blessing she bestows upon us,” the man snow said. “It is the way she makes us feel her presence.”

Tav did not answer to this. Because he did not know what he could answer. A part of him wanted to be sardonic, given that he understood quite well what kind of people were attracted to Loviatar’s worship. A part of him wanted to counter with the stories about Loviatar he knew. The goddess who tried to betray and control. Not a kind goddess. Not one that would actually bestow blessings on mortals.

The next thing Fhedré took from the wall was a simple leather flogger. Another thing that Tav was quite familiar with.

The cleric turned to him. “Is this alright?” And once more Tav just nodded.

“You keep quiet,” Fhedré said, “but I can tell what you are thinking. About Loviatar. And about us.” He went around Tav, taking position in his back. “You think of me mostly as a sadist, don’t you?” Those leather tails were gashing over Tav’s back, once more making him pull in a sharp breath, without much of another noise.

“Don’t you?” Fhedré asked again, this time putting even more strength into the impact.

Tav breathed slowly. “In a way, yes…” He kept his eyes closed again, just enduring those next hits. He knew how to do that, after all. How to endure. So far he was mostly feeling pain, though that was alright as well. “You… In those rituals…”

“They are rituals,” Fhedré said. “They are practice.” Again the leather slashed over Tav’s back. It was not cutting his skin, but it was burning. “But I saw something in you that… Something I have rarely seen.”

Again Tav remained quiet. He endured several more impacts of the leather.

“Look. I do not know what exactly you are thinking of me,” Fhedré said, “but… I will openly admit that you fascinate me.”

“Because of how I handle pain?” Tav asked.

“In a way. Because I can tell that you have experienced quite a lot of it.” Again the flogger was hissing, this time in fact cutting Tav’s back. He could tell it. He could feel when his skin broke just a little. “And that you do not know how you feel about it.”

Tav stayed quiet once more, just enduring the next few hits, these not breaking his skin. Again he was closing his eyes.

“The core belief our Goddess has imparted on us is, that pain shows us, that we are still alive. Because to live is to feel pain – but that does not have to be a bad thing.” Once more the leather was cutting Tav’s skin, though this time he did not even flinch.

“Yet, somehow some people will get to experience those blessing a whole lot more, won’t they?” he whispered.

Fhedré lowered the flogger. He carefully went up to Tav once more, caressing the now undoubtedly fully reddened back with his hands. “Yes. Because our Goddess knows those, who can take it.”

A shiver ran through Tav’s body. He was not quite sure whether it came from the words, the touch or the pain.

“How does this feel, now?” Fhedré asked.

Tav shook his head. “It hurts. What else?”

“See…” Fhedré’s fingers seemed to linger at one of the places where Tav’s skin had broken. “At times pain can teach us things. Can make us stronger.” When Tav tensed, he added: “I know it is something we might not want to hear, but… We can accept pain as our teacher, or we cannot. It is why I wanted you here. Because I think you are ready to accept it. And because I think you are special.”

Again Tav was shaking his head, though he did not know what words to reply to it.

Fhedré went over to the other tools once more. Though this time he did not get a tool for a beating, rather than a simple knife. “I want to cut you now, if that’s alright?”

“Yeah,” Tav whispered. Because he did not know what else to say.

Fhedré smiled, as he now took position in front of Tav. He ran the fingers of his left hand over Tav’s chest, in a strangely soft gesture. “You can always say, when it is too much.”

“I am fine,” Tav whispered. He watched as Fhedré took the knife to his sternum. It was sharp. Freshly sharpened no doubt. And Fhedré pressed it against the skin, until blood was flowing. The blood started dripping over Tav’s chest, while Fhedré calmly pulled the knife down, down, down along the entire length of the chest. A good five inches of a cut, before he pulled back, with more blood flowing from the wound.

This times their eyes met and there was… something in Fhedré’s expression. Something that Tav could not quite describe.

Then, without another word, Fhedré took the blade and borrowed it into Tav’s skin once more. Again he cut several inches, with blood pouring from the opened wound, while Tav could not help but look at his own blood with a certain fascination.

This was a pain he was less used to. A pain that made him shiver more. But still nothing he could not deal with.

“Another one?” Fhedré asked, and Tav just nodded.

He watched in silence, as Fhedré cut him a total of three more times, with the blood just flowing over his chest and dripping down to the ground beneath.

He was shaking a bit more now. Just a strange feeling of tenseness that wanted to get loose out of him.

Again Fhedré was looking him in the eyes, as if trying to read him. “You know you can tell me when to stop, right?”

“I know,” Tav breathed. “I am… Fine.”

Maybe it was those words that said more to the cleric than what Tav intended. Because in the end he sighed. “I will pull up your arms a bit more now. Until it hurts. Alright?”

Tav nodded. This, too, was something he knew quite well. Being hung up on the arms. He did remember the one person who enjoyed this. He did remember the way it made him helpless.

Especially with those cuts in in chest, the weight on his shoulders was quite painful now, and for the first time since Fhedré had started, Tav could not help a whimper, when more and more of the weight was hanging from his arms.

“Do you know the cane as well?” Fhedré asked, as he got the tool from the wall.

“There is nothing here, I do not know,” Tav whispered.

“Alright.” Fhedré took the cane, though other than what Tav had expected, he went to his front with it. The front, where the muscles were more tender, and the organs were close to the surface.

And yes, when the cane hit Tav’s stomach, he could not help a yelp. He even tried to pull up his legs, only to find that they were still held in place by the chains from the ground. And the cane hit him again, easily breaking the soft skin here. It was what made him writhe, without being able to control himself in this regard. And Fhedré hit him again, and again, ten times in total, before he allowed either of them a pause.

“Should I stop?”

Tav was panting now. And he knew he was stubborn, too. “No,” he breathed.

For some reason Fhedré smiled, before he went on. Further distributing those hits over Tav’s stomach and already bleeding chest, ignoring those pants Tav gave, or those twitches running through his body. He did not mind the bloody marks he left either, only stopping at a point, when Tav had stopped counting the hits.

Only then did he step up to Tav again, running his hand over the bloodied skin. “You are feeling it now, aren’t you?”

Tav nodded slowly. “Yes.” He was still panting, as his entire body seemed to be tingling now.

“Tell me, is this pain or is this already pleasure for you?”

Tav shook his head. “I don’t know.”

“Look at me.”

Carefully Tav opened his eyes, only to find that Fhedré had now taken up something else. Something he knew, but had only ever experienced in those rituals: The bladed cat-o-nine-tails that Loviatar had given to her followers.

Fhedré did not need to ask. Tav simply nodded. He nodded and closed his eyes again, as the cleric went around him.

He gasped, when those nine blades cut into his flesh, gasped again when they slashed across his back once more. And strangely it was getting to the point that indeed his body started to struggle with it. With that line between pain and pleasure.

He could feel it. How somehow all this pain made the tissue between his legs tingle. Made him drip.

He yelped, when he was beaten again. And again. And again. And at the same time his body was twitching in anticipation.

It never had quite happened like this. Not without anyone actually at least teasing his genitals. But it seemed that the tension and the pain right now were enough. They were enough to slowly convince either his body or mind, that the sensation that he was having was another.

Tears welled up in his eyes, as his entire body was jerking on the next impact. But he did not tell Fhedré to stop – because he did not want him to. He wanted to just feel this. This feeling that was completely overwhelming, that was taking him over, leading him somehow from anguish to ecstasy.

They both knew the exact moment, where Tav’s mind went blank. They both knew it, because Fhedré stopped right then and there. Tav meanwhile was just hanging there, breathing heavily. Gasping for air, against shoulders and a chest that were hurting.

“I think this has been enough for today,” Fhedré said softly, as he carefully put the whip away.

“I…” Tav took a deep breath. “I… I am still good.” Though maybe it was a lie. Because his body was shaking now. He could sense it – and had not a bit of control over it.

His body was shaking.

Fhedré knelt down in front of him, first loosening the shackles around his ankles. “Don’t even try to stand,” he then said softly. “You won’t be able to.”

Tav hesitated, then nodded. He just hung there, as the other man lowered him down to the ground, his legs twitching as he was lying on the ground.

“Can I touch you?” Fhedré asked.

Again Tav found himself hesitating. But then he gave in. “Yeah.”

“Good.” Kneeling down next to him, Fhedré helped him sit up. Though now that he had to sit, Tav only became more aware of the many ways his body was hurting. “What are you feeling now?”

“I…” Tav took a deep breath. “I am honestly not quite sure.” It hurt, but also…

And for once Fhedré was careful in his touch, as he caressed Tav’s cheek. “We’ll figure it out.”

Notes:

I am having a lot of fun with the BDSM scenes with Fhedré, given that he is actually kinda a good dom. Like, he is all about consent and everything. Sure, he takes it very far, but given that he is a (in DnD Terms) a level 12 cleric, who is good with healing... It is not that he cannot fix any damage he does within a fairly short time.

Chapter 3: A Good Night's Rest

Summary:

Tav gets to know the other initiates of the temple.

Notes:

A chapter without sex. I know you are shocked. But even I need a few chapters in between to allow for some lore to get put into this. lol While I did my best in this story to work in some proper "sexposition", there are a couple of chapters in which there is either plot, lore, or feelings happening, without any genitals doing stuff. I am sorry. xD

When Tav woke, he needed a moment to realize where he was.

Right, the Loviatar temple. The Loviatar temple. He had come here, because Fhedré had invited him.

He rolled on his back, looking up to the ceiling that was only dimly lit with the light of a crystal. He had no idea what time of day it was, and still had not figured out where this temple actually was, given that he had travelled here with the help of a portal.

Still. He felt… rested. He indeed felt rested. If he had to guess, he had slept through most of the night.

No nightmares. No nothing.

He closed his eyes again, taking a deep breath.

Yesterday had been a strange experience. Being tortured like that. Not as punishment or anything, but as a means in itself. It had felt strange. He had felt strange about it. But the ending had been the strangest thing. To realize his body would somehow at some point turn the pain into a pleasurable feeling, even without anyone further teasing his cunt.

The pain… It had felt strange. It had felt so strange all on its own.

There had been something in Fhedré’s gaze though… It was something else that Tav could not make any sense of. The way the man looked at him. His eyes were so soft. How could someone look at Tav like that – with eyes so soft – and at the same time be willing to inflict so much pain on him?

He just did not know what to think of that man. Of Fhedré.

Tav had first met him about two months ago. Because of Viola. Because Viola had convinced him to be the sacrifice in a ritual for Loviatar. A ritual to revive someone from the dead. It was because of that, that Tav had done it to begin with. Because even if it was a Loviatan ritual, the endgoal had been a good one.

Fhedré had been one of the two priests leading that ritual. And he had tortured Tav during it. Afterwards he had wanted to talk to him – and had visited him in Baldur’s Gate. He had been there a couple of times when Viola had been experimenting on him.

Tav sighed.

He knew that the entire situation with Viola was messed up. He knew it quite well. Viola would again and again ignore any boundaries he would put up. She would never care what pain he wanted and what not – would never care about any aftercare either. And yet… While there were others, who would fuck him, who would spank him, too… Viola was the only one who got him that exhausted, that senseless, that he would no longer have to think, that he could just sink into a unconsciousness-like sleep.

Fhedré had been there maybe six times and watched it happen. Other than Viola he had tried to offer something in form of aftercare.

He did not seem to be a bad guy. He just… Tav could not quite place it. That session that had happened the day before, had not made it easier to place. He had been soft – yet at the same time, he had done quite a bit of damage.

He had healed it afterwards of course. Right now Tav’s body was fully unmarked, as if nothing had happened in the first place.

Tav sighed.

Why was he like this? Why was he someone who had to flee into this kinds of pain to be free from those nightmares?

It was only, when one of the other recruits moved, that Tav could convince himself to sit up on the bed as well. He was quite aware that the other recruit – a half-elven man – was watching him, when he got up to draw some water from one of the walls. He washed himself, given that cleanliness was the very least he could do to take care of himself.

The other recruit was a human woman. She was moving now as well. And just like the other one, she was watching Tav, as he got dressed.

He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. Frankly, he still did not know how to feel about this place. But he would find out.

With the vague plan to find that dining hall, where he had taken supper last night, he got up, only for the female recruit to pipe up.

“Hey.” She came over to him. “I… I think we did not get the chance to speak yesterday.”

“I don’t think so, yeah,” Tav said.

She was a bit darker skinned then him, her hair black and pulled back in braids. Her eyes were sparkling green. “My name is Amira. I have been here for about a month.”

“Right.” Tav hesitated. “I… I am Tav. I… Well, you know as well as I do, that I arrived yesterday.”

“Yeah. You got brought here by one of the priests. I saw you. And I know he took you somewhere yesterday.”

“Yeah. I… Uhm… Well, I am here because of him, I guess. He…” Tav was not quite sure, how much he should share with this perfect stranger. “He has taken an interest in me, after I helped him out in a ritual of sorts.”

It was the half-elf, who came over now. “Can I ask you something?”

Tav forced a smile onto his lips. “You can try.”

“You are… Well…” The half-elf pursed his lips now. “Are you a pain-taker or pain-giver?”

Noticing himself go stiff just a bit, Tav hesitated with his answer. “I… I am… I am masochistic, if that is what you are asking.” At least that word seemed to be closest to describing the thing that he actually was in any way.

“Interesting,” Amira muttered. “I heard… Well, I heard that most recruits end up being of the other persuasion. And… From what I can tell after a month here, it seems to be true.”

Tav was not sure what to answer.

“I guess that makes you special,” the half-elf said.

“I guess it does.” Tav sighed. “I… I am not sure, whether I am going to stay. I just… I promised Fhedré that I would give it a chance. For a tenday. And afterwards we will see.”

“Sounds fair.” Amira smiled at him. “I mean… I have not taken any vows yet. I am still learning the basics, so to say.”

Tav wanted to evade a further discussion. At least that was his first instinct. But then he thought better. “Can I ask you something?”

“I guess,” she said.

“Why Loviatar. She… I mean, she does not have a good reputation as a goddess, right?”

“Because of propaganda,” the half-elf said, making Tav look at him with some irritation.

“What?”

“Oh. It is all propaganda,” the man said. “I mean, with the gods it is never anything else. Never believe anything you hear about a god, really. Because it is all bullshit.”

Tav frowned. “Then what people tell you about Loviatar here, would also be bullshit.”

“Exactly,” the half-elf replied. “Look, I… I grew up in a Selûnite outpost. And literally half of our days would be spend talking about how bad Shar is. But at some point I realized that it was the same the other way around. It is all bullshit. Everyone following the supposed ‘good’ gods finds reason to blame the ‘bad’ gods for everything – and the other way around.”

Many people had made fun of Tav for the simple fact that he was a bard, yes, but his knowledge about the gods of Faerûn was often limited. Sure, he had learned a bit over those last ten years, but it also did not change the fact that the place he had survived his childhood in, had been far away from any of the gods – or the hope they might have been able to provide.

Still, this sounded just dumb, too. “Then why Loviatar?”

The man sighed. “Look. There was a point at which I realized, that I do enjoy making people whimper in anguish. Loviatans tell me, that is holy work. Who am I to question that?”

Tav sighed, unsure what to say to that kind of reasoning.

It was Amira, who put her hand on Tav’s upper arm. “I mean… I think… Well, Loviatar is the one goddess who tell me, that I am not evil for what I desire. Which is… something, right?”

For a moment Tav hesitated, then he shrugged. “I mean… maybe.”

 

***

 

Weirdly enough the breakfast was quite nice down here. The temple offered porridge, but also some grilled bacon, eggs, and some apple jelly to go with it. Tav was not even quite sure what he had expected. Maybe the fact that Loviatar was the goddess of suffering had made him expect a more meager meal – but he assumed that Loviatar’s suffering was quite a different one from Ilmater’s. Ilmater was about the self-sacrifice, right? And Loviatar was about the pain and anguish itself. Both the pain dealt out to others, and the one endured by followers of the faith.

Tav had never followed one of the gods. He believed in the gods, of course. There was plenty of evidence they existed. But in one way the half-elven man, whose name he still had not caught, was right: There were enough stories going around that put all of the gods in a rather bad light. Because it seemed in the end most of them saw the mortals as tools to be used. Even those gods who were supposed to be good and heroic.

Meanwhile, when it came to Loviatar… Tav did not remember a lot of concrete stories about her. He knew she had been a consort to Bane for a while, before abandoning him. Though the stories about the how and the why differed.

They said she was going to protect torturers. Something that was quite different from what had happened to Tav so far. Because, well… Even with Viola. It was not as if he exactly wanted her to do those things to him… But it was also not as if he did not want it to happen. There was this part of him who yearned for it. Who yearned for the pain and the abuse she would put on him. Because while she was doing that, he got to let go. Simply let go.

“There you are.” The man’s voice was soft. Of course it was Fhedré, who had undoubtedly been looking for him.

Tav was sitting by the side of the dinning hall still, drinking from a cup of tea. “Here I am.” He managed a smile today.

“How are you today?” Fhedré asked. “Have you rested well?”

“I am good,” Tav said. “Surprisingly I am good. And yes, I did… I did sleep quite well last night.” That smile on his lips was even genuine, he had to assume.

Fhedré seemed to catch that, as his smile widened as well. “Good. I am glad. And I guess you already had breakfast?”

“I did,” Tav said. “You did as well?”

“I have been up for quite a while now,” Fhedré said. “I do have responsibilities towards the temple after all.”

“I… I guess, yeah.” Tav could not help an awkward laugh. “I… I admittedly do not know what your exact role even is.”

“I am a Conductor of the Blade,” Fhedré said. “Which means…” He seemed a bit awkward about it. “Well, you have seen me in the rituals. Usually I will lead rituals and worshipping practice in terms of being the one to inflict pain in Her name.”

“I… I see,” Tav replied. So, put differently, Fhedré was one of those torture masters of the Loviatan faith, wasn’t he? “So you are a sadist, right?”

“Well, yes,” Fhedré replied. “But it does not mean that I fail to honor Her with my own pain.” He looked at Tav, then shot him a smile. “Do you want to walk with me for a bit?”

With a sigh, Tav got up. “Sure. I still do not know my way around this place either way.”

“It is one of the biggest temples of Loviatar in Faerûn,” Fhedré said. He gestured for Tav to follow him down a corridor. “See, a lot of people make the mistake of thinking this entire faith is all but an excuse to indulge in sadism. And I do not just mean normal people. Even those joining us in these halls often just want an excuse to get to indulge in their desires. But that is not what this is about. And those, who think it is, will inevitably fail on Her path.”

Tav considered this for a moment, before he answered: “I talked to some of the other recruits this morning, you know? And they… I mean, it was just two of them. But they are both sadists, who openly admit that they have joined because it allows them to indulge in this.”

“I know,” Fhedré said.

“And contrary to what some might say, I am not fully stupid. I know that the temple of Loviatar makes a good chunk of money, by providing places mostly for sadists to indulge.”

“That is true.” Fhedré sighed. “It was one of those dungeons that got me to the faith as well, you know?”

“Is it?”

“It is.” The man shot Tav another smile. “Though that has been more than fourteen years ago.”

“Huh.” What was Tav to say about it?

“And I do think you are not fully honest with yourself here,” Fhedré said, his voice still gentle, making Tav look to him.

“What do you mean?”

“There are people like you, as well, who come to these dungeons hoping they will find the right pain-giver. The person in which hands they can simply melt like wax, without needing to think. Right now you want someone to take you that way. To make you theirs.” The man gave a deep sigh, before gesturing for Tav to follow him down a side tunnel. “Look. I have seen you with Viola. And she… she is not a very mindful, or very skilled torturer. She does violate your boundaries again and again, and yet you are so ready for her to take you.” For a moment he looked around, until he was certain they were alone. He was almost seven inches taller than Tav, towering over him, so that he now had to lean down to him.  “I can promise you, that if you really allow me that tenday to get to know you, I will be able to make you feel things you never have felt before.” He hesitated, before he pushed a single strand of Tav’s red hair out of his face. “And that if you were just… going to trust me a bit, I might be able to help you just a bit with that pain you are trying to run away from.”

“I am not running away from anything,” Tav muttered, evading that gaze. He pushed that hand now lingering on his cheek away.

“But you are,” Fhedré said. “And I am not judging you for it. I… I don’t know much about you, Tav. But I can tell you are carrying a lot of pain with you. Because I know pain. And I really want to help you deal with it.”

For a moment Tav did indeed try to look at the man. And he hated, how soft the man’s gaze was. Soft, and… worried. Even though Fhedré really did not know him. He did know nothing about him. Worst of all… Tav was almost sure that this worry was genuine. That… He could not quite figure out the cleric, but he did not seem to be lying.

“I… A tenday,” he said. “I will stay for a tenday. And for that tenday I will do, what you think is best. But… I… I am not saying that you mean ill. I just… The thing that has happened to me… I… I just do not want to talk about it, alright?”

Fhedré looked at him for a long moment, before he sighed. “Alright.”

“So… You are going to torture me again, right?”

It was strange, how soft the smile on the man’s face was. “I will. But… Let me first show you around a bit. There are some beautiful places in this temple. And who would I be as your host to not show them to you?”

Chapter 4: A Special Kind Of Pain

Summary:

Fhedré promises to try out a more sexual kind of torture on Tav.

Notes:

Alright this chapter gets very much into the spice factor here. There is... uhm, yes.

Kinks in this chapter: Genital torture/Cunt & Clit torture, Flogging, Cane, Wooden Horse, Nipple Torture, Nipple Piercings, Aphrodisiac, Begging, Sex

Tav could not help but draw in a deep breath as he entered the room. Another torture chamber – but a very different one from the one he had been in yesterday. Sadly enough, he also knew the two devices to be found here. Just as he had a good idea of what was in those two flasks standing on a table by the side of the room.

He took another deep breath. It made sense, from what Fhedré had said the day before. That he wanted to try a more sexual torture on its own. It also made sense because it was the kind of torture he had seen Viola use on him for the most part.

“I… I am honest with you. I do not like aphrodisiacs,” he said, his voice hoarse.

Fhedré turned around to him. “You don’t?”

“No. It is just… I mean, Viola doesn’t care. That’s why she still… Well, she will still use them on me. But I… In general…” Tav had to fight down the urge to wrap his arms around himself. He remembered too many times that he had been given those concoctions – just to be able to serve those customers. To serve them for the whole night.

“That’s alright,” Fhedré said. “I told you, I will not make you do something you do not want to do.” Again he was pausing, before reaching out. “Can I touch you?”

Tav hesitated, but then nodded, allowing the other man to put a hand onto his shoulder.

“I gather that you have bad experiences with those potions?” Fhedré asked.

“Yes. Quite… Quite a few.”

“Alright. I understand that. If you do not want to take it, you don’t need to. I will adjust.”

Tav looked at the man. “You will?”

“Again. I do not want to do anything that you do not consent to,” Fhedré said. “And I do not think I need to. Because I think you want most of the things I want to do to you.” There was another short pause, before he carefully put his hand onto Tav’s cheek. “Do you want to know what I had planned for today?”

“Okay,” Tav said. There was this part of him, this instinctual part, that just wanted to lean into the soft touch. He barely knew this man, so it did not make a lot of sense. But Tav still could not help it. A warm, soft touch was at times just what he needed.

Fhedré smiled. “So, yesterday I wanted to see how you react to pain in general. And I am honestly not quite certain yet how I think about it. But I know that to you there is a sexual aspect tied up in this, so I wanted to focus on that today. My idea was to focus on your genitals. First to make them more sensitive, I would have given you the aphrodisiac, and also used the lotion. Then I would have tortured you down there. To just… see how you would react to different kinds of pain down there. I have assumed that especially with the aphrodisiac you would climax from the pain, too. And then I would have just seen, what works for you. And maybe just… made you cum a few more times.” With his thumb he caressed Tav’s cheek. A ridiculously soft gesture.

Tav considered his words for a moment. Nothing of what Fhedré was talking about was anything he had no experience with. It was things that had been done to him in the past – both with his consent and without it.

“You know… The thing I dislike about aphrodisiacs is…” He stopped, starting anew. “See, when you put me through pain I… I know when it will end. Especially if you really stop when tell you to. But once I take the aphrodisiac it will control me for at least an hour, of not two. And there is nothing… Once I have taken it, there is nothing I can do about it.”

Fhedré nodded. “I understand. Then we leave it out. As I said, I can adjust.”

Just like that? Tav looked at the man. He would really just… adjust?

“Really?” he asked.

“Really.” Once again Fhedré caressed Tav’s cheek. “I promise you, I will do nothing that you do not want me to do.”

Why did that seem like such a novel concept?

Tav took a shaky breath, considering his options. Because what he had said was the truth. And yet, there suddenly was this part of him, that simply wanted to trust this man now.

He paused for a moment, looking over to the two flasks. The aphrodisiac had always a greenish shimmer to it. Carefully he went over to the table, taking that flask and opening the cork. He smelled it. It smelled of musk and roses.

“Tav?” Fhedré asked carefully.

The truth was, that Tav did not know whether he could trust this man. But… He wanted to. He wanted to trust him. A part of him wanted to at least.

A tenday. At least for a tenday…

After all, even if this turned out as bad as some of the last times, he had been made to swallow one of those concoctions… He still knew he would sleep rather well after it.

“Tav?” Fhedré asked again, but Tav did not answer, instead just taking the potion and drowning it in one gulp.

Fhedré stepped behind him. “Are you sure?”

“It is too late for it either way,” Tav replied. Then he took a deep breath, before opening the harness around his chest. Without another word he stripped down, once more putting his clothes into a corner of the room.

Already he could feel the slight tingle from the magic potion. He looked over to the chair with the leg rests attached. He knew those kinds of chairs quite well. Allowing someone else easy access to one’s genitals.

“Do you want to tie me up first?”

“I was thinking of tying up your arms, yes,” Fhedré said. He went over to the table to get a rope that had already been prepared. “Come.”

Tav nodded, willingly putting his arms behind his back. He allowed Fhedré to tie them up properly. By the end of it, Tav could barely even move his fingers.

“Can you get onto the chair on your own?” Fhedré asked.

“I am not sure,” Tav said. In fact, he did stumble, when he tried to climb on. But with a bit of help he managed, spreading his legs once he was there.

“I will use this first.” Fhedré took the lotion. Another potion that worked on contact, rather than consumption. They had used it on Tav before. It would make the skin and flesh treated with it a lot more sensitive than it otherwise was. A lot more painful, too. Still, Tav kept his legs spread apart, as Fhedré poured some of the lotion between his legs, spreading it there.

He could not help a whimper, though, when the other man pulled his folds apart just to pour some of the lotion into him, spreading it there, too.

“You are already quite wet,” Fhedré noted.

Tav closed his eyes, but nodded. “Yeah. No big surprise.”

“When Viola does this… You like being hurt down there, don’t you?”

Tav licked his lips as he thought of the best reply. “It… It is a very, very intensive feeling. And it makes my mind go numb. And I… I like it when my mind does that. When my mind goes numb.”

“I think I can do that,” Fhedré said. He got up to get another tool. A simple riding crop. “Will you keep your legs spread for me?”

Tav nodded. “I am good with that.” Yet, he could not help but gasp, when the crop hit his folds.

Just like the day before, Fhedré did not hold back with his strength. It was one of those differences between Viola and Kantei. While Kantei also would hurt him, when he requested it, she was always hesitant, would always hold back. Viola didn’t. Viola simply hurt him, no matter how much he was screaming.

Fhedré was more like that, too. He hit him. Again. Again. Again. And with the folds already swollen from the arousal, while the lotion was making everything so very sensitive, each impact hurt like hell.

And yet, it did not take six hits for Tav to start moaning, as his mind and body were in the control of the aphrodisiac. It took nine hits, until that first climax came, making him squirm. And yet, he managed to keep his legs spread apart.

“That was fast,” Fhedré noted.

“Yes.” Tav knew he looked feverish right now. “I know.”

“Should I continue?”

Tav nodded. “Yes.” He was surprised by the smile that followed.

“How often do you think I should hit that cunt of yours?” Fhedré whispered.

“What?”

“You heard me, Tav.”

Tav took a deep breath. “Fifty times with the crop.”

“Fifty?”

“Yes.”

“You really are quite something…” Fhedré adjusted his position. “Alright.” Then the crop hit Tav’s folds again, making him jerk and whimper, while he still kept his legs spread.

His entire body was already moving. In that horny desperation that an aphrodisiac would bring, he moved his hips, groaning as the leather hit the sensitive tissue again and again. Once more it did not take very long for the pain to turn into pleasure, for it to take him over again. His groan was animalistic, as he came, while this time Fhedré did not even allow him a pause to relax for a moment.

Instead the crop hit him again, and again. Each time the impact hurt just a bit more, as the swelling from prior impacts made his cunt even more sensitive. His chest was heaving with heavy pants, as sweat was running down his legs.

When Fhedré stopped, there had been four climaxes already.

Fhedré leaned over him, once more tucking some stray hairs away. “You know you look quite inviting right now, don’t you?”

“Uhum.” Tav looked at him. “I know.” He gave another moan, as he could not help it. He had to fight the urge to wrap his legs around the other man’s hip and hump against him. “More.”

There was a short pause in Fhedré. “I do see what you mean now.” Still, he went over to the tools collected. “I do like the cane, you know? I like how easily it breaks the skin. What do you think?”

Tav looked at the wooden cane, but then he nodded. He swallowed, as that sensible part of his mind that was not entirely shut down yet, knew this would hurt even more, but once more he kept his legs spread apart.

“I will do thirty hits with this one,” Fhedré said. “Do you think you can count for me?”

Once more Tav just nodded. “Uhum. Yeah.” He took a deep breath, then closed his eyes. While he managed to prepare himself for that first impact, he did not quite silence the yelp that came with it. Still, he also remembered to count. “One.”

Fhedré took a step back to be able to draw back a bit further. While Tav did not see it, he felt it. It was a low whine that came over his lips, as the cane broke the skin between his folds. “Two.” The next impact was about as painful, as Fhedré really did not hold back. “Three.” The one after that seemed to be aimed just for the entrance of the cunt. “Four.”

By the time they reached eight, tears had started welling up in Tav’s eyes. By eleven, he knew he was bleeding between his legs. By thirteen he still came once more, his entire body twitching with the orgasm. At eighteen, Fhedré pushed the cane into the cunt until he hit the cervix, making Tav howl for a short moment. At twenty-two he hit the clit in such a way, that the pain seemed to jolt through Tav’s entire body. By twenty-six Fhedré had to push Tav’s legs apart again, as somehow his instinct still had taken over. And when they finally reached thirty, Tav’s body was shaking.

“I really do like how sensitive you are right now,” Fhedré said, pushing three of his fingers into Tav. He was not careful in rubbing him – even though the bruised tissue was painful. He still made him cum almost instantly.

Tav wished he could still form a sensible answer. But instead he just groaned. “Yes. I… Please…”

“Please, what?” Fhedré asked.

“Again,” Tav panted. “Please…”

And even though the way Fhedré was rubbing him was more painful than anything else, Tav felt his body rise up against it. He groaned in pure ecstasy, unable to have any more clear thoughts.

“Do you think you are able to ride that horse?” Fhedré asked, nodding towards the other torture instrument in the room.

Tav looked over to it. Yes, another thing he knew. But right now he did not care about that. Right now he could just imagine how it would feel. Painful and enticing. He nodded. “Yes. Please.”

Fhedré smiled. “Alright. Get up.” Willingly he grabbed Tav by the ropes around his chest to help him up properly.

Tav’s legs were shaking by now, which was not much of a surprise. They were twitching, were sweating too. Without any help, Tav would never have made it off the chair and over to the wooden horse, but this way he managed, even though Fhedré had to put him onto the other torture instrument in the end.

Once the sharp angle pushed against Tav’s bruised flesh, he could not help but yelp once more. But he did not fight back, when Fhedré got another rope to tie up his legs as well.

This was something that was painful normally, yes. But not quite as much as now, that his folds were already bruised and even bleeding. And still… While tears ran down Tav’s cheeks, he took a deep breath, before allowing his weight to fully lean on the edge.

He yelped, as the pain set in. And still, he could again feel the arousal take over again.

More tears ran down his face, but it did not stop him from climaxing again. His entire body was alight with those feelings now. The feelings that did no longer differentiate between pleasure and pain. Because it all felt good.

Fhedré came up to the wooden horse, touching Tav’s sides. Strangely enough his touch was soft right now – though only for a while. Then he grabbed around Tav, fondling his nipples. He pinched them, twisted them, pulled them, making Tav react even stronger, as his entire body seemed to be alive with those sensations now.

“I have an idea,” the man whispered.

“Yes?” Tav asked.

“I could pierce your nipples and hang something from them,” Fhedré said.

It was not as if Tav was considering this rationally any longer. He just knew that it would make those sensations even stronger. And right now, he did not want anything more than that. “Yes. Yes. Please.”

“I will need to get something for that, though,” Fhedré said. “Can you be a good boy and wait for me here?”

Again Tav nodded with enthusiasm. “Yes. I will.” He gasped once more as another jolt of either pain or pleasure ran through his body, making him shiver.

For a moment Fhedré considered it. Then he nodded. “Alright.” He turned, leaving the room a moment later, while Tav just sat there.

He could feel the pain so clearly. The pain of the hard edge between his folds. The same folds and clit that had been already abused. And it felt so good. It felt so amazing. He wanted more of this pain. More of this sensation.

He even rubbed himself against the edge, moaning as he did. It hurt. So good. His entire body was shaking as he came again.

He did not even know how much time passed, until Fhedré returned. Just that it was long enough for him to come two more times. He was not thinking, as he pushed out his chest when Fhedré showed him the bowl filled with alcohol no doubt. He just pushed forwards his chest and allowed Fhedré to pierce the nipples.

Once more he was howling with pain – and at the same time with enjoyment. Because it felt good. It felt so good.

More tears ran over his cheeks, as those small weights were finally falling down from his nipples.

“I will have to admit, that you do look very seductive this way,” Fhedré whispered.

Tav whimpered again. “I do?”

“You do. Even though I am not sure how long you still will last.” The cleric ran his fingers through Tav’s hair.

For that very basic, animalistic part of Tav’s brain that had taken control by now, the answer was quite clear: “Till I faint.”

“I don’t think…”

“Till I faint,” Tav insisted. He could not hold back another groan, as his body was twitching. “Ah… You… Do you want to use me?”

Had he been of clearer mind, he might have been able to read Fhedré’s expression. But right now it was just a jumbled mess to his brain. All Tav knew was, that the mixture of pain and pleasure was so overwhelming, that right now… He just wanted to be made good use of.

He did not think, when Fhedré’s fingers pressed into his mouth. He just took them, just the way he would a cock, sucking them, while still grinding his folds against the wooden horse.

Spit was dripping down from his chin, but he did not care. Instead he kinda cared, how flushed Fhedré was suddenly getting. There was a hunger in those grey eyes now, and Tav knew that this was his. It was his.

He took in those fingers deeper, continued to suck them, until a shiver ran through the body of the other man.

In the end, Fhedré pulled his fingers back. “Are you sure?”

But once more Tav just nodded. “Yes. Please. Yes.” He did not need to think. He just… He needed to be used. He needed to be used right now. And then he needed to be used again. And again. Just like he had said before. Till he fainted. Oh yes, he wanted to do this until he would just collapse.

Fhedré considered this. But then, without speaking, he loosened the ropes around Tav’s legs. With a surprising ease, he pulled him off the wooden horse. “Alright,” he grunted, as he carried Tav back to the chair. “But I cannot promise you to be able to hold back.”

Tav shook his head. “No need. I…” He whimpered, because those feelings just were cursing through his body. “Use me.”

And for a moment, Fhedré still hesitated. Then he seemed to come to a decision. Tav had not seen it coming, but a moment later the man’s hand fully pushed into him, making Tav writhe. He groaned, shaking on that chair beneath the other man.

“What… What are you…”

“I will fuck you silly,” Fhedré whispered, pushing his fist further up Tav’s cunt. “I will make you cum until you can barely stay awake. And then – only then – I will use you.”

Tav looked at him and smiled. Because right now, he could only think of one answer to this: “Sounds perfect.”

 

---

 

Tav’s mind was feeling awfully slow, as he finally woke again. And his body was hurting. It was hurting fairly badly.

With a groan, he rolled onto his side, finding that he had been lying on the ground – though put on a blanket at the very least. And there was someone by his side. Someone running their hand now through his hair.

“Careful,” Fhedré said softly.

It took Tav a moment to remember what had happened. And even the memories he had were somewhat murky. It did not take long to remember, however, why this was. He had taken that aphrosidiac. And from then on, his body had been more and more controlled by it.

He felt exhausted. And painful. So painful. “You didn’t heal me yet,” he muttered.

Looking down on himself, he found still hooks running through his nipples, while the skin between his legs – from all he could see – was very, very bruised and even bloodied.

“No,” Fhedré said. “I wanted you… To appreciate the work we did.”

Tav looked at the man, unsure once more what he could say to this. Even though it seemed the aphrodisiac was no longer effective, he had to admit that the pain did not feel that bad in of itself. Even though he was rather certain he would like to not move in this state at all.

“Are you alright?” Fhedré asked.

Slowly Tav nodded once more. “I think… I… I am mostly thirsty.” A common side effect of most aphrodisiacs.

“Yes, I imagine.” Fhedré sat up properly, having leaned against the wall before. “What would you prefer. If I heal you first, or if I fetch you something to drink?”

Again Tav looked down on himself. On his own bruises. On the open wounds. Then he closed his eyes. “I think… I think I prefer something to drink.”

It did not escape him, how Fhedré smiled at this. “Alright. I will get you something.”

With some effort, Tav managed a smile as well, though he definitively did not want to sit up right now, instead remaining on that blanket. He just watched Fhedré, as the man went over to the door of the torture chamber. But at the door, Fhedré stopped himself.

“Tav?”

“Yes?”

“Under… Under the influence of the aphrodisiac, you… you started begging me to fuck you. I did. I don’t know if you remember. I… If I have crossed any line…”

Tav laughed, surprising himself with it. But he laughed. “Really? That’s what you are worried about?”

“Well, you said that you did not like the way the aphrodisiac controlled you, and…”

But Tav could not stop laughing. “It’s not about that. It’s…” He shook his head, starting to remember what had happened before. Still chuckling, he closed his eyes and rolled onto his backside. “I… You got a nice cock, you know?”

 

Chapter 5: A Needed Relief

Summary:

As Tav wakes up on his third day in the temple, he finds himself surprisingly needy.

Notes:

Alright. Another chapter with some kink.

Kinks included: Wax Play, Temperature Play, Genital Torture, Vaginal Fisting

When Tav woke up the next morning, he felt surprisingly rested and horrifyingly horny. The first thing was not that much of a surprise. After Fhedré had healed him the day before, Tav mostly had been exhausted. Because more than anything that session had been exhausting – in a good way.

There was a certain irony to it. One should expect that being treated and abused in such a manner would just stir up more of the memories. After all, those things had been done to him in that brothel. The Misses, her guards, as well as some of the customers had done those things to him. He very well remembered. And yet, whenever he was bound and abused, he would not remember a thing. No, instead it was the way to keep his mind being very much his own. Only sensing his body at the moment.

He took a deep breath, before pushing one hand into his trousers. Of course he was dripping wet already.

Had he had some dreams of this sort? He could not remember. He just knew his body was yearning for things. His body wanted to be fucked, to be used, to be further abused.

Those other two recruits would probably even be willing to help out in that regard. Though Tav did not want to ask them.

Rolling onto his side, he pulled the blanket further over his body, before rubbing himself. He already kind of knew, that rubbing would not be enough. Because his body was yearning for something else. Not just the sexual relief. But not doing anything would have been worse.

Still, once he was done, it only left him feeling rather unfulfilled. Sighing, he got up.

Like the day before, he properly washed himself, before making his way towards the dining hall.

It was strange, how the simple sexual urge also could at times be painful. Right now it was. His folds were burning with desire, were dripping against the simple underwear. It was its own kind of torture. On that his body would just bring onto itself it seemed.

Tav tried to think about other things. To not feel his body that much. Not that it was that easy. Really, ignoring the pain of an open wound was easier, than ignoring this was.

He was uncomfortable, as he sat down at one of the tables in the dining hall. Some basic, animalistic part of his brain just wanted to grind against the bench he was sitting on. Get that kind of relief. Maybe be seen as he was doing it. Maybe be used afterwards. Punished.

He sighed. Why was he so messed up? How had he ended up so messed up?

Trying to focus on the food, he ate. Though he barely noticed the taste or texture of it. He just felt… Well, he felt his need. The stupid, stupid need.

When someone put a hand onto his shoulder, he jerked.

“Tav?” Unsurprisingly it was Fhedré once again. Fhedré, who had clearly already been looking for him. “I did not mean to startle you.”

“It’s… It’s alright,” Tav said. “I am… I am just easily startled today it seems.”

The cleric sat down next to him, eyeing Tav once over. “How are you feeling today?”

“Rested, at the very least.” Tav did evade any further answer. He had to wonder, how obvious his state might be. After all, he himself could feel his cheeks burning. And that same animalistic part of him, that wanted to grind against the bench, also wanted Fhedré to put him onto this table now and then make good use of him.

Oh yes. He would love that. Especially after what he had learned the day before. The man had a really, really nice cock. A big one, too. It had felt so fucking good.

Fhedré’s gaze drifted over him. “You seem to be a bit distracted this morning.”

Another rush of blood pressed into Tav’s cheeks. “I… I don’t know, what… I woke up like that, I am afraid.”

There was humor in Fhedré’s smile. “Should I help you take care of that?”

Tav hesitated just a moment. Because his body was screaming “yes” as a reply. He just felt a bit awkward about it. “Would you hurt me?”

“Do you want me to hurt you?” Fhedré asked.

Tav allowed himself to think for a moment. He closed his eyes, breathing in deeply. “Yes,” he then admitted.

“Then that’s what I will do.” Fhedré was careful again, but he dared to touch Tav, putting one hand onto his shoulder. “You finish your breakfast, and then we’ll take care of that problem together, alright?”

“Alright.” Tav somehow managed another smile, before he went ahead emptying his bowl of porridge and meat.

It did not take him long, though by the time he followed Fhedré down one of the corridors, he did feel somewhat awkward. He was not even quite sure, why. Normally he did not make much of a secret out of the fact that he was in fact a horny bard. He liked sex. Despite everything he really, really enjoyed sex. He enjoyed fucking people, enjoyed it when other people explored his body and he got to explore their bodies in return.

It was just… He was not quite sure. Maybe it was how much this entire experience was about him. About what he desired.

The chamber, Fhedré brought him to, was a small one. There was not a lot of space and only one piece of “furniture” so to speak of. A table, with some chains mounted on it. All the chains were linked to the same side of the table – and Tav did quite well understand.

He just started to undress.

“I will get something else,” Fhedré said. “Just wait for me here, alright?”

“Okay,” Tav whispered. He got out of his clothes, before putting them together. Then he just sat on the side of that table, waiting for Fhedré.

It did just take another five minutes or so, for Fhedré to return to him. He was carrying something new as he did. A metal thing that Tav had no proper word for. And a small pot, that he could not make a lot of sense of.

“Let’s get you tied down,” Fhedré said, and Tav nodded.

He understood enough to lie down on his back and willingly offer his arms to be cuffed down above his head. There was something beneath the table to put some tension onto the chains, and Fhedré did make sure they were tense.

Then he did the same with Tav’s legs. He put shackles around the ankles, with the chains also being connected to the table. The way the legs were pulled above Tav’s head now, exposed his genitals rather well.

He took a shaky breath, as Fhedré put some tension onto those chains as well.

“As I said,” Tav muttered. “I… I don’t know what is going on today. I just… I woke up this way. Horny.”

“And we are going to take good care of you,” Fhedré said. He ran his fingers along Tav’s folds, earning himself a whimper through it. “I am going to shave you first. Because otherwise this might get uncomfortable.”

“This?”

“Oh, I do have a plan,” Fhedré said.

He seemed to be prepared well, though. From somewhere he got a razor, with it taking easy care of Tav’s pubes. Tav could just lie there and wait for what the other man had properly planned.

In the end, Fhedré took Tav’s clit between his fingers, rubbing it roughly. Quickly it got a moan out of Tav, as he was squirming just a bit.

“You are really sensitive today, aren’t you?” Fhedré asked, without stopping.

“Yeah,” Tav whispered. “Yeah. Uh. Really…” He quickly started to move his hips as much as his position allowed him to. His moans came quickly and desperately – and in the end it did not take him very long to climax again.

Fhedré looked at him and smiled. Then he did something else. He lit a fire bowl that was located at the side of the table.

“What are you going to do?” Tav asked.

“Well…” Fhedré took that metal thing Tav had noticed before. It was somewhat concave, and – as Tav quickly learned – it fit rather welt into his cunt.

He whimpered, when Fhedré used the thing to spread Tav’s pussy apart. “I am planning on filling your cunt up.”

“What?” Tav asked.

Fhedré now took the small pot he had brought, holding it over the fire. “There is wax in this. I am going to melt it now and then use it, to fill your cunt up.”

A shiver ran down Tav’s body, just imagining the kind of pain this would bring. Again, something he was somewhat familiar with. Just not this much. Not… He imagined that it would be a lot more painful than single droplets of wax.

He swallowed.

“You know you can tell me to stop, right?” Fhedré said, but Tav shook his head.

“No. Do it.”

This reaction earned him another soft smile from the cleric. “You really are quite something.” With that he went on to swirl that little pot over the coals, waiting for the wax inside of it to slowly melt. And all Tav could do was lie there on that table, trembling in anticipation.

For how long? A few minutes, he guessed. The metal thing was just a bit painful in his cunt, though nothing too bad. He had felt worse. Still, by the time that Fhedré took the little pot from the fire, Tav’s legs were twitching just a bit.

Fhedré looked Tav in the eyes. “Are you ready?”

Tav nodded. “Yes. Do it.”

“Alright. Will you count down from three for me?”

Another tremble ran through Tav’s entire body, but once more he gave a nod. “Alright.” He took a deep breath. “Three. Two.” His body was shaking now. “One.” He screamed, when Fhedré started to pour the wax, allowing it to run into the spread cunt.

It burned. It was burning so badly on the sensitive tissue. It made him squirm and writhe, though when his movement became too strong, Fhedré pushed against his hip, holding it down.

It did not take long for Tav’s cunt to overflow, the hot wax pouring over his folds and his clit and finally down to his stomach.

It was unfair, though. While the wax pouring out got a chance to harden rather quickly, the same was not true for the wax inside of his cunt. Too much of it was pooling inside of him. And maybe he was too hot down there already. It just did not cool down. The heat… It was burning. It was burning so badly. Making him whine in anguish, making him squirm.

And yet, with his body being as messed up, as it was, it did not stop him from climaxing again, tears now pooling in his eyes. Because even with the climax the burning sensation would not go away. It hurt. It hurt so much.

Instinctively he tried to move his hip in a way, that the hot wax could pour out of him, but Fhedré made sure he could not. Holding him down.

“You can endure this,” the man whispered. “Just endure it.”

Tav was whimpering again, his entire body moving on its own. There were tears in his eyes again, and yet it did not stop those feelings from being confusing. From being painful and good at the same time. Oh, so good. So good.

He groaned, not even sure whether it was a new orgasm shaking him, or the same just lasting for a really long time. His breath came in pants now, as the pain only slowly lessened.

It took minutes for the wax to cool down into a no longer painful state. And by the time it did, his body was twitching.

“That hurt a lot?” Fhedré asked.

Tav nodded slowly. “A lot.”

“Did you like that pain?”

Tav allowed himself to breathe in deeply once more. “Yes.”

Once again the cleric was smiling. “What do you want me to do now?”

“I…” Tav paused. “I want you to torture my cunt further. I… It is painful right now. And… I… I want it to be painful.”

“Alright.” Fhedré smiled, as he carefully started to peel the hardened wax off Tav’s folds. He put the pieces onto the table next to Tav, before pulling out that metal thing from his cunt and with it somehow a good chunk of the wax inside him.

Again Tav was whimpering, as the tissue was so clearly burned. But he allowed it – not that he had a choice. He allowed it, too, when Fhedré pushed three of his fingers into Tav, then four, then the whole hand.

It hurt, given that the tissue was burned. It hurt. And still Tav moaned.

“You really are very flexible down here, aren’t you?” Fhedré asked, making Tav nod.

“I am. I…” He moaned, but then managed a smile. “You have no idea about the stuff I can fit in there if I want.”

Fhedré started to move his hand, further making Tav shiver. “That sounds almost like a challenge.”

“It could be,” Tav replied, groaning once more as another shiver ran through his body.

For a moment Fhedré considered this. “Do you think I can fit my other hand in?”

Tav chuckled. “Easy.”

 

***

 

Tav was breathing easier, as he could feel the healing magic mend the burned and torn tissue, making the pain slowly lessen.

Even though it meant that Fhedré once more had three fingers inside of him… Right now it did not even feel sexual in nature. Right now it was mostly a relief.

Tav closed his eyes. By now he was no longer chained, just lying on the table and letting Fhedré heal him.

“I should not be surprised,” Fhedré muttered. “Given I have seen you be fucked by a dragon.”

“To be fair,” Tav replied, “when that dragon started to fuck me, I thought I would die. Like… I can take a lot… I…” He stopped himself, not wanting to say too much. He had been something like eight years old, when someone had fisted him for the first time. And frankly, the anatomy of dragonborn was not quite fitting with that of other humanoid races – and at the very least it did not fit with the anatomy of a human child.

“It is impressive,” Fhedré said. “Still…” Pulling his fingers out of Tav, he carefully cleaned them off. “I am impressed with how you handle pain in general. It… It is something else.”

Carefully Tav sat up. He pulled one of his legs up to his body. “I… I am simply masochistic. That’s all.” Simply messed up.

“I do not think it is just that,” Fhedré said. Carefully he leaned against the table next to Tav. “The way you welcome the pain… There is something about it. As I said… I… I think this is where you are meant to be. And I still want to help you, you know?”

“With that other pain?” Tav whispered.

“Yes.” Fhedré once more looked at him, his expression so soft. “What has happened to you? What was it that was done to you?”

Tav evaded that gaze. “It’s… It’s not important any longer. I just…” He shook his head.

For a moment Fhedré still waited for a reply, for an explanation. But in the end he sighed. “Try to think of it this way. Our Lady of Suffering does care. She does care about her people. And at times she keeps that special kind of pain to those who she knows can take it, who she knows can learn something from it. I… I think you are special. I think the way you handle pain is special, Tav. And I… I think you were meant to come here.”

“For what?” Tav asked, looking at the man now. “I mean…” He took a deep breath, trying to sort his thoughts. “When you torture me… It feels good. And maybe in a way that is enough. You get to feel good. I get to feel good. But… Is that all there is? Use this… This way I handle pain to just chase some pleasure and then… I don’t know? Get high on it?”

“There is more to it,” Fhedré said. “Tav…” He turned, and once more dared to touch him, running his hand over Tav’s still naked shoulder. “For our Goddess pain is a conductor. A mighty one. In that ritual… Someone got to be brought back to the living because you endured that pain. And… there is other things that can be done through it. Other spells perfected to it. And…” He stopped. “See, there is something else we do here. Something… I know that you do not think of us as helpful people. But what… What if I showed you that we are?”

Tav frowned. “How so?”

“Other than what you think, Loviatar is not a cruel goddess,” Fhedré said. “She does not only hand out pain, but also takes it from those who cannot bear it. Those who should not bear it.” He looked at Tav for a long moment. “Have you ever heard about Loviatar’s paintakers?”

Chapter 6: The Paintaking

Summary:

Fhedré shows Tav the practice of paintaking - taking the pain of an ailing person to help them heal.

Notes:

Alright, this chapter is not kinky, as in: It is not sexy stuff happening here.

Instead I will put up another trigger warning at this point...

Trigger Warning: Medical Content, Surgery

Tav watched the man writhing on that table. He had been bound down with binds from soft leather. The gag in his mouth was made from leather, too. The man could barely move, which might be for the best. As sweat was covering his body, he threw himself against the binds again and again, while so clearly still trying to keep his breathing under control.

The actual patient meanwhile barely moved. He was a man, too. An older, human man, who right now was just lying there, his eyes wide, as the surgeon was making the cuts in his leg. He was not feeling anything right now. Not a thing.

Tav had not been to this medical area before. He had not even known it existed.

The surgeon was not even a Loviatan, though based on his dress he might be from another cult. Sharran, if Tav was not fully mistaken. He operated with a steady hand, though. Bit by bit he separated the muscles, the tissue.

Tav had no idea about medicine. But even he was fairly certain that this leg, that was partly black with necrosis, was not to be saved. So, yes, taking it off… He had no idea who the man was, and whether he would be able to make a living after loosing a limb. But at least he might not die of blood poisoning.

Still. There were some memories, too. He remembered Veronica. And how her legs had been taken. Not to safe her life, but because… Because some sickos wanted it.

Once more he found himself doing the same ritual. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and pushed those thoughts away. “So… He is feeling all of the man’s pain,” he said slowly.

“Yes,” Fhedré said. “He is a pain-taker.”

“But… Pain is one of Loviatar’s blessings.”

“Yes. But we are aware that not everyone is capable of bearing her blessing,” Fhedré said, watching the surgery happen. “Pain is a blessing. But it is a blessing that can kill. Especially a pain like this. Some people… Some people cannot bear it. Some people will break.” He looked at Tav for a moment, before focusing back on the surgery. “If the blood poisoning would not kill him, the pain during the surgery might. Some people experience strokes from pain. And then they die.”

Tav looked at the Loviatan. He still did not know the exact things the clothes told. But he could tell that the man was at least a bit higher in his standing. Still… Right now the sweat was pooling on his exposed chest. “What is his name?”

“Andreas,” Fhedré replied.

“Has he… Is he doing this a lot?”

“Almost every day,” Fhedré said. “For the last eight years.”

Tav considered this for a long moment. Eight years. Almost every day. “He… He has saved quite a few lives then, hasn’t he?”

“He probably has, yes.”

Frankly, Tav was not too certain what to think right now. Because… Well, he had not expected something like this. This was… This was good thing. There was no other way around it. In the end the truth was, that pain during surgery was still one of the biggest challenges – Tav knew better than most about that. There were sleeping spells to keep someone asleep during a surgery, but even those did not always work. A lot of people had to make the decision to either risk a death through stroke and pain, or die from whatever other ailment was killing them.

“Can I look around a bit?” Tav asked.

“Of course.” Fhedré shot him a smile, before guiding him away from the surgery area.

Maybe it should not surprise Tav that a big temple like this had a medical facility. Especially given that Loviatar… She was a goddess of pain, but as such gave her followers – her clerics especially – a good control over bodies. They were able to use healing magic rather well, that much Tav knew for certain.

Funnily enough he never had heard of someone bringing their ailing loved ones to Loviatar. But some people were clearly doing it. There were quite a few filled beds here. Beds, in which sick people were lying. Some of them not even awake. Some of them were feverish. And some of them had loved ones around the bed, holding their hands, trying to take care of them in some way. People who would put wet towels on their heads to cool them down. People trying to feed them soup. Undoubtedly all of them hoping, that someone would be able to help. That someone would be able to safe that sick person. Through healing magic, through potions, through surgery.

“Miria. Miria…” It was the worried voice of a father, that drew in Tav’s attention.

At least Tav was fairly certain, that it was the father. An adult man sitting by the bedside of a maybe twelve-years-old girl. There was another person, too. An older girl. Tav estimated her to be maybe fifteen. Probably the older sister.

The younger girl was sweating profusely. Her entire body seemed to be sticky with sweat. She had to have a fever, but her face was pale. Very pale. Almost deadly.

“Why is she here?” Tav asked, but Fhedré shook his head.

“I don’t know.”

There was something inside of Tav reacting. Pity. He hated to see kids suffer. He hated to know that it might be a young life cut tragically short.

He looked around, locating the nearest nurse wearing the robes of Loviatar.

Breaking away from Fhedré, he went over to the woman. “Can I ask something?”

The nurse looked over to Fhedré first, clearly questioning who Tav might be and what had brought him here. But then she nodded. “Yes. Of course.”

“The girl. Why… What is ailing her?”

“An infection in her stomach,” the nurse said. “We won’t know exactly until we open her up, I am afraid. Hopefully it is something that can be removed…” She shook her head.

“She is going to have a surgery then?”

“Yes. Tomorrow, if anything works out.” There was something in the nurse’s eyes though. Something that told Tav, that she knew as well as he did, that the girl might not live the night.

When the nurse saw Tav’s expression, she sighed. “We are working with limited resources. Right now. The girl is not going to be able to live through the pain, and…”

“Wait. Does it mean, that you…” He turned around to Fhedré. “You need… You need someone to take the pain?”

“Well, either that or someone who can cast a proper sleeping spell, yes.”

“Then I…”

“Tav.” Fhedré came over to him. “I know what you are thinking, but this is nothing you can just do without any preparation. You and I both know, that it is a different pain from a thought-out torture. It is harder to contain – and a lot harder to…”

“That girl is going to die,” Tav whispered. “She is a kid.”

“Yes, but the pain from that surgery might kill you too. Especially not knowing what exactly is ailing her.”

Tav could not help it this time. He wrapped his arms around himself, not looking directly at the cleric. “I… I have had surgery before. With me being awake. I… I lived through it. It…” He forced himself to raise his gaze once more. “I can do it. I know I can.”

 

***

 

It was quite clear, that Fhedré was not fully convinced. There was worry in his eyes, as he wrapped the leather around Tav’s arms. “You are going to be tied down, so that you cannot hurt yourself, should you spasm.”

“I know that,” Tav said.

“It is also why I am going to gag you,” Fhedré said. “Because otherwise you might bite off your tongue.”

“I know that too.” Tav smiled. “I swear. I… I know what I am doing. I have had surgery before. I lived. It is going to be alright.”

“That surgery you had… Was there an infection?”

“No.”

“And you do understand the difference, or don’t you?”

Tav sighed. “I do.” Infections hurt on their own – and made tissue often even more sensitive against pain. Yes. He understood that much.

“I… I thought you might be able to do this some day,” Fhedré said. “But not… Not unprepared like this. I don’t want you… Look, I do enjoy torturing you, but I do not want serious harm to come to you.”

“I know,” Tav said. He smiled. “It’s alright. I will pull through. I… I would appreciate it though, if you… If you stayed. I don’t know anyone here and…” He shook his head.

“Of course.” Fhedré sighed, before moving further towards Tav’s legs to tie those down as well. “I will not move from your side until this is done.” He continued to tie Tav down onto the table, until Tav was not even able to move his head any longer.

He could feel his heart race with some fear. But… Well, at least that way he would do something actually worthwhile as he was here.

Willingly he opened his mouth to be gagged in the end.

“The pain will be transferred through this amulet,” Fhedré finally explained, getting out the metallic medallion. “Though… You will feel any pain in her body through it, do you understand? Any pain. That means also the pain from her infection right now and… Everything.”

Tav did the closest thing he could manage to a nod.

Fhedré hesitated, before once more doing what he had done the day before. He caressed Tav’s cheek. “They are preparing the girl for surgery right now. And… Just know… If you faint, the spell will fail. So…”

Again Tav tried a nod, before closing his eyes.

He was already lying in the area prepared for the surgery, even before the girl was brought in. She had to be tied down, too – even though she was so clearly unconscious already.

To be honest, he was not quite sure, what he would be expecting. But… If there was an innocent life to be saved he would do it.

It was the nurse, who ended up putting the amulet around his neck.

“I am going to activate the spell now,” she said, and Tav once more hinted at a nod.

He really did not know what to expect, though frankly, he had not been quite prepared. He could feel the spell taking effect. And he could feel the pain suddenly springing to life in his abdomen. Like a spike made of red hot metal it buried itself into him, making him whine. Instinctively he tried to squirm, but of course his binds were holding him back.

“Are you alright?” Fhedré asked, hovering close to him now.

Tav once more tried a nod. He focused on his breathing, trying to keep himself under control.

The surgeon attending them now was a half-elven woman. “You are going to help be locate the core of the infection now, alright?” she asked, with her voice stern.

“Mmhmm.” That was all Tav could manage against the gag.

He could not quite see her, but he kind of knew what she was doing. Pressing against the girl’s abdomen now, while waiting for him to react.

He howled against the gag, as each touch seemed to make the pain worse. But it was only after a while that he was throwing himself against the binds, when the surgeon’s touch felt, as if she was impaling him right then and there.

Sweat started to pool on his skin, as his heart was now racing. It hurt so badly. And when the surgeon was pressing against the girl’s abdomen again, it only got worse.

“As I thought…” the surgeon muttered. She turned to get her instruments, waving at the nurse to lend her a hand.

Tav could smell how the nurse started spreading distilled alcohol on the girl’s stomach, though it did not change much for him.

He was still whimpering from the pain he could feel right now. And he knew it would get worse.

When the surgeon appeared in his field of vision, he looked at her in confusion.

“I will make the incision now,” she said. “Remember that you absolutely cannot faint.”

He closed his eyes, nodded. Though he could not answer.

Again he tried to focus on his breathing, keeping his eyes closed to prepare. But it was still not enough. It was not enough, as when the cut was made… He could feel it. And it was nothing – really nothing – like the almost painful cuts done by Fhedré before.

Tav was howling once more, was writhing and yet held back. It did not stop with this, either, as the surgeon had to cut deeper. And he could feel it. He could feel her scalpel run through the girl’s tissue. Cut it open, bit by bit. Through muscle. And through fat. Deeper and deeper.

Tav gasped for air and was yet unable to breath it felt. He gasped some more, as the pain became just too overwhelming. Too all-consuming.

“Tav.” It was Fhedré, whose hands were now on Tav’s cheeks. “Stay with me, alright?”

As Tav blinked, some of his own sweat ran into his eyes. It burned. But he could see the man. Fhedré. Here.

“Stay with me,” he repeated.

A shiver ran through Tav’s body, as he could feel those next cuts. It was deeper than most pain done to him in his life.

Fhedré’s thumbs caressed Tav’s cheeks. “Focus on your breathing. Slowly. Slowly, alright?”

Tav understood what the man was doing. He understood, that he himself had been about the hyperventilate and through it possible faint.

“Breathe,” Fhedré whispered. “Slowly.”

It took all of Tav’s will to actually do, what the man was saying. He drew in a deep breath, while he still could feel that scalpel cutting into his – or rather the girl’s – body. Deeper. And deeper.

Breathe in, and breathe out.

“Clamps,” the surgeon now instructed. And worst of all: Tav could feel it too. How the clamps were put in place. He could feel it all.

“Stay with me,” Fhedré soothed. “You are doing good.”

Another shiver ran down Tav’s body, as he whimpered in pain. It still took all of his will to keep breathing. To keep his body controlled. But he tried. Because he knew he could not faint. If he fainted, the pain would go back to the girl and he did not want that.

He looked into Fhedré’s grey eyes and tried to focus on them. There was something strangely soft in them.

“You are doing good.”

Tav kept breathing. He tried to focus on this. On Fhedré’s voice and his eyes. Because there was at least some comfort in this.

He tried to ignore the things the surgeon was saying. She was talking to the nurse, he thought. But it did not need to matter, because he could do nothing about what she was doing either way. He just had to try and breathe. Breathe. Focus on Fhedré.

He knew quite well, when the surgeon reached the infection. He knew when she started to cut it out. The pain made him writhe once more, made him howl against his gag. There were tears in his eyes, as he was sobbing now. But he did not faint. He just howled, and screamed, and focused on Fhedré.

Eternity.

He was pretty darn sure this was, what eternity would feel like.

But he managed to keep breathing. He managed to keep his eyes open. And strangely enough… It almost felt soothing as the infected bit of intestine was removed from the girl’s body. As at least that burning pain disappeared.

“You are doing good,” Fhedré once more repeated. “You are doing really good.”

 

***

 

“If you faint now, nothing is going to happen.” Fhedré smiled at him, as he loosened the leather binds.

Tav just laid there on the table, still focusing on the breathing. The amulet had been removed, so he no longer felt the pain – only that his body did not quite realize it. He was still sweating, and his heart was still racing.

When Fhedré removed the leather binds over his chest, it felt freeing.  It allowed him to breathe just a bit deeper. And he did so.

“You are aware that this entire thing was stupid, right?” Fhedré said carefully.

“I know,” Tav whispered. His voice was hoarse from all his screams. “But… She would’ve died.”

“She might’ve,” Fhedré admitted. He was careful as he rolled up those leather binds. “Do you want to try and sit?”

Tav thought about it for a moment. “Not quite yet. I think… I think if I try now, I will faint.”

“Alright.” Fhedré sat down at the side of the table, only to take Tav’s hand now. “This was stupid. But it was also very brave.” He ran his thumb over the scar on the back of Tav’s right hand. “Most people fear pain more than they fear death.”

“I know.” Tav allowed himself to close his eyes again as he breathed once more. “I… I was awake during…” With his left hand he gestured towards the deep scars on his chest.

Fhedré looked at the scars. “You had female breasts, right?”

“Yeah. And… And I needed them gone. I… I needed that. And… There was a cleric, you know? One that was supposed to put me under a sleeping spell.” He laughed inadvertently, as he remembered that day. “And that cleric… She… She like fainted not ten minutes in, because she… She had not expected it to be that gruesome. And… The surgeon we had. They… They wanted to call it off. They wanted to. And I begged… I begged them to continue. Because… Having those things there… I mean… The surgery was nothing in comparison.” He had to blink away the tears.

Fhedré looked at him for a long moment, his thumb still caressing the back of Tav’s hand. “You know what I think?”

“No.” Tav shook his head.

There was a certain softness in Fhedré’s smile. “I think I have been right from the beginning and you… You have been blessed. You have been blessed by Loviatar.”

Chapter 7: The Impaled

Summary:

Wandering the temple in the morning, Tav stumbles across a strange ritual.

Notes:

I am quite confused. I uploaded the chapter earlier, but it is gone now? I am very confused.

No kink in this chapter - though there is a discription of a ritual that involves impalement through hooks.

Tav woke early the next day.

Technically he did not know exactly what time it was, but both Amira and Leivtan – the half-elf recruit – were still sleeping.

Not much of a surprise, though. Tav had lied down before supper the day before. He did not regret, what he had done the day before. The paintaking. Though he did not know whether the girl had lived in the end. It still had felt right to at least try.

No, he did not regret it. But he had been dizzy afterwards. So very dizzy. In the end Fhedré had brought him to bed, had gotten him some food and then left him. Tav had fallen asleep even before his two roommates had retired.

So it was not a surprise, that he was up early.

Whatever dizziness had been there yesterday, it was gone now though. He was feeling good – and well rested.

It had been another night without any nightmares. More than that. This anxiety that had been with him the entire time in Baldur’s Gate… Right now it was gone. Right now he felt strangely relaxed, even though he had no idea what would happen next.

He assumed that sooner or later, Fhedré would find him again and torture him. And if Tav was honest, he was looking forward to it.

Like on those last few days, he washed himself – trying to be quiet as he did – before making his way to the dining hall.

Quickly, he found out, that it had to be indeed quite early. While during those last few days when he had gotten up, other people had been out and about, the hallways of the temple were mostly empty right now.

The entire temple complex stretched out over three levels. That much Tav had found out by now. Three levels in which corridors weaved spiral patterns around the core of the temple. Right now he was on the lowest of the levels – the place where most people of the temple staff were living.

A total of three hundred and eighty worshipers, Fhedré had said.

Tav had to wonder how early it was exactly. Would he be able to get some breakfast already? Or was it even too early for that?

He found his way to the dining hall rather easily – and realized that indeed it was too early even for breakfast.

First he sighed, then he chuckled to himself. Well, he guessed he could explore the temple a bit further. He had only seen so much of it during the last three days. Mostly things that Fhedré had shown him.

He still did not quite know where exactly they were. Only that the temple was in fact hidden – partly because of the people mistrusting the worship of Loviatar. Something that Tav was feeling stranger about with every day.

Because Loviatar was bad? Right? She was evil. Tav had always learned it that way. A consort of Bane, who was the god of tyranny. A god of slavery. And Tav… Tav knew what it meant to be a slave. Oh, he knew it too well.

But Fhedré was not a bad person. He was certain of that. Tav was still not entirely certain what to think about that man, but he knew he wasn’t evil. He was a caring man. Someone who could be soft and gentle – even though he would inflict immense pain without hesitation.

During those last three days, Tav had felt safe with Fhedré. That much he knew.

Everything else though? Everything else was confusing.

The temple had its very unique sense of beauty. As it was underground, the walls had been carved from the rock it seemed. If by Loviatan worshipers or someone else, he could not say. The walls were smooth though, unless they had been decorated with carvings and paintings. At times mosaics, too. Those had been made by worshipers, no doubt, as quite a few of them depicted scenes of abject torture, of pain and of suffering.

There were paintings depicting torture masters, it seemed. Them and their victims. These people were victims, right? Or were they like Tav? Had they come willingly, because the pain was giving them something that nothing else could?

He paused, as he took one of those paintings in. A mural, depicting several people suffering in so many different ways. There was a man, with long cuts running the entirety of his body, blood pouring out of them. Another man, who was getting branded with an iron covering his entire torso. Then there was a woman, who had been impaled through her cunt, with the spike never the less poking out through her stomach. Then a person who had been so badly whipped, that Tav could not even tell what they might have looked like with their skin still attached.

He shivered, as he started to wonder, how much of this he could bear. How much could he be whipped until his mind would give out? Did he want to find out?

He moved on, wrapping his arms around his mostly exposed upper body. Why was he fantasizing about it now? Why could he not help but wonder what it would feel like?

Shaking his head, he tried to push the thought away. He just… A part of him just wanted to breath fresh air, maybe. Maybe that was what he needed. Maybe…

He stopped, as he passed one of the rooms, the door to it open. A sort of chapel – that was what he first thought. Just… Unusual.

He stared, as he saw that woman. As he saw her blood. It was dripping only slowly to the ground. Very slowly. But she was still alive, wasn’t she?

He paused. Was she?

Before being able to stop himself, he took a step into the room, only for the woman to move her head. “Who goes there?” she asked. Her voice was deep, was hoarse. From screaming, maybe. Though she was not screaming right now. She was not even moaning in pain, even though she had to experience pain.

There were hooks driven through her body. Quite a few of them. Keeping her suspended in the air.

She was hanging there upside down. A hook through each of her ankles kept her feets up. There were further hooks in her shanks. The metal was thick and… he was not quite sure. But it was an expensive metal no doubt.

Since she was naked, more hooks had been driven through her folds, spreading them apart. One through her clit as well. More hooks ran through her wrists, her arms, her shoulders, holding her up further. While hooks through her breasts were pulling her down. Tav counted a total of forty places, in which metal was piercing her body.

“I…” Tav stared at her. The woman was blindfolded, too. Her dark hair had been braided and rolled up to not be in the way of things. She was quite pale. “I am sorry. I… I must have gotten lost.” His voice was barely more than a whisper.

She was surprisingly relaxed. “It’s alright. You are… You are new here?”

“I am,” he whispered.

A hint of a smile showed on her face. “I assume this is a rather frightening sight then.”

Again his eyes took in her naked body, and the many places from which blood was lazily dripping down.

She was hanging over a sort of altar, on which her blood had long started to pool. Maybe too much of it. Tav didn’t know. How much blood could a person sensibly loose?

“Kinda,” he finally admitted.

“Don’t be afraid,” she said. “It is my choice to do this. To experience Her embrace and listen to her words in the Weave.”

“You mean, Loviatar?”

“Yes. Our gracious Lady of Pain.” There was a smile around the woman’s lips.

Once more Tav took in the image that showed itself to him. “You… You are doing this… voluntarily?”

“It is an honor to be able to bear her pain,” the woman replied. “An honor only few of us can fulfill in the end.”

Tav was unsure what to reply. “How so?”

“Because only few of us have been chosen to be Her pain bearers.”

“Her what?” Tav found himself frowning now. He paced back and forth in front of that altar, unsure what he was supposed to do now. He tried to sit down, and still found himself to anxious to keep sitting.

The woman did not seem to mind, though. “When have you come here?” she asked.

“Here?”

“To the temple.”

“I… Only three days ago,” he whispered.

“Have you come through one of the dungeons?”

“No.” He hesitated for a moment. “I… Fhedré, one of the priests… He… He has invited me to come here. Because… I… I volunteered for one of the rituals a while ago. Because…” He did not finish the sentence, just shrugged.

“You volunteered as a sacrifice?”

“Yes,” Tav whispered.

“So you are able to bear Her blessings.”

Tav shivered at those words, even though he was not quite sure why. “I… I guess, yeah. I just… Why would you do this?” His voice was once again barely more than a whisper.

“Do what?”

“Why would you let them do this to you? In Loviatar’s name at that. She… I mean… Loviatar isn’t… She isn’t good, is she?”

“She is,” the woman said.

“But… Loviatar was the consort of Bane. And Bane is the god of tyranny and slavery and…” He shook his head. “She worked together with Bhaal, too. And with some of the other… I mean, I know she is said to be close to Shar, right? And…”

The woman waited for his voice to fail. She seemed to patient, which seemed strange enough given her situation. Was she even feeling the pain of those hooks in her flesh? In her bones? “Loviatar’s alliance with Bane has broken more than a century ago.” Even though she was blindfolded, Tav was caught by the strange feeling that this woman right now was seeing him quite clearly. “I can sense your fear, young one. And your unease. But I am asking you to consider this: Pain is a part of life. More than anything it shows you that you still live, that you still exist in this world. And it is a mighty teacher.” There it was again. This strange smile on her lips. “All of this must look quite frightening to you, but more than anything, I am learning. I am understanding the world in a way, only few people can. It is a privilege that I would not give up for anything.”

“How long have you been like this?” Tav whispered.

“Two days,” she replied. “And I will remain like this for one more day.”

Tav swallowed at the thought to be hung up like this for three days at a time. “And then?”

“I will be healed. I will meditate for three days. And then, we will start again.”

 

***

 

By the time Tav made his way back to the dining hall, quite a few more souls had woken. He was not even feeling hungry right now, but he knew that soon enough he would experience new pain – and he should have eaten something before that. Otherwise he might get dizzy again, and he did not want that. He wanted to be able to experience more of it first. More of the pain. And he felt like he was going crazy realizing this thought.

Again his thoughts drifted to that woman. A “pain bearer” she had said. Was that what Fhedré saw in him? He… He did not quite understand. He did not understand what it meant. It was crazy. All of this was crazy. And he…

Once more his breakfast was porridge, though this time he was taking his with nuts and fruits to change up his pace.

He wanted to talk to Fhedré. He wanted to ask him about it, but he did not know where he could find him. The last two days, it had always been Fhedré finding him here. So… Maybe, if he just waited… Maybe then he could get to talk to that man. Then he could ask his questions.

He ate only slowly, looking through the rather large dining hall again and again. As soon as he saw the large man enter, he could not help but stand up. “Fhedré!” He found himself blushing as he realized how loudly he had spoken. “Fhedré,” he repeated calmer.

The cleric saw him and smiled. “Good morning. How are you feeling after yesterday?” he greeted him, as soon as he was over with Tav.

“I… Can I ask you something?”

Once more worry showed on Fhedré’s face, as he looked at Tav. “Are you alright?”

“I… I don’t quite know. I… I want to ask you something.”

“Sure. Ask me anything,” the man said.

Tav took a deep breath, sorting his thoughts, before he spoke again. “What is a pain bearer?”

Something shifted in Fhedré’s gaze. A sort of realization. “What happened?”

“I… I wandered the temple this morning. I was up early. And I found this woman. Who… Who was hanging from those hooks and… I am trying to understand, Fhedré.”

Fhedré sighed, but then he nodded. “Alright. Look. There are two kinds of people serving our Lady of Pain. The Pain Givers and the Pain Bearers.”

“Sadists and Masochists,” Tav noted, but Fhedré shook his head.

“It is more than that. Because… True Pain Bearers are rare. Very rare. Anyone can learn to be a Pain Giver. All it needs is for you to understand the body, to understand how pain works within the body. Sure, many who strive for it are sadists, but technically speaking it is not a requirement. Over the centuries there has been quite a few torture masters, who had never felt a hint of joy or arousal in what they were doing. They just understood the body – and how it perceives pain.” He paused for a moment. “Then there are masochists, for whom pain might be arousing or rewarding in one way or another. But it is never all sorts of pains, and if you work with a masochist – especially in exploring Her blessings – you will need to understand their specific bodies and boundaries in how the pain works with them.” Again he paused, licking his lips. “Pain Bearers are different from this. They… have been blessed by our Goddess in a way only few people are. They can use pain as a conductor for magic on one hand, but also to further understand this world and its rules.”

Tav frowned, still not quite able to understand.

“See, most people see Loviatans as a bunch of sadists using their religion as an excuse. But the truth is… It is all about the Pain Bearers. Because it is them, who can understand our Goddess. Who can understand her blessings. And who can create something new from it.”

Tav looked at the other man, trying to make any sense of it. He did not quite get how this was supposed to be different from simple masochism. And yet, he did realize one thing: “You think I am a Pain Bearer, right?”

“I think you might be,” Fhedré said.

“That’s why you wanted me to come here.”

Fhedré just nodded, while Tav tried to understand what this might mean. Did Fhedré want him to end up like that woman? Put up on hooks for days?

“Do you still think that now?” Tav asked. “That I am a Pain Bearer?”

Fhedré pursed his lips, before carefully taking Tav’s scarred right hand. “Let me ask you this. What do you want for today?”

Tav sighed, because he knew the honest answer. “I want you to torture me.”

Chapter 8: Initiates

Summary:

Fhedré wants to teach the other new initiates some basic lessons - but somehow things go not quite as planned.

Notes:

So, we are back at it. Back in kink-town. *coughs*

Kinks in this chapter: Needle Play, Large Insertion, Bondage, Suspension Bondage, Breath Play

Other CWs: Light transphobia, drowning

“Why do you have a cunt?” Leivtan asked, as he eyed Tav’s body.

Tav sighed. “Why do you have a cock? If you have a cock.”

“Oh, I have a real good cock,” the half-elf replied sourly.

“I am very sure of it,” Fhedré said. He rolled his eyes. “Though I would prefer not to further deepen this discussion now.”

Leivtan shot him a long gaze and almost Tav expected for the young man to give a reply, but in the end he at least knew somewhat to pay respect to authority. Something like that.

They were in one of the torture chambers again, though this time it was not just him and Fhedré. The other two recruits – Amira and Leivtan – were here as well. And while Tav was once more naked, given that sooner or later someone would want to access his body further, everyone else so far was dressed.

“I have decided to give the two of you a proper instruction today,” Fhedré said. “From what I know, both of you have gotten here through a dungeon, right?”

“Yes,” Amira replied. “Which is to say the more secretive and less dangerous kind.” She smirked.

“Yes. Everything else would’ve been a surprise, right?” Fhedré replied. “But neither of you has been properly instructed so far.”

“What is there to instruct?” Leivtan asked.

“You both want to join Her worship as Pain Givers. And as such you both need to develop an understanding of how to properly deal out pain. No matter whether you end up using your skill as a torturer or in more… consensual setting.”

By the looks of it, it seemed, that Leivtan was one of the people who were a bit too full of themselves. At least he could not hold back with his commentary. “It is not that hard, is it? I mean, if you let me, I can get him to whimper in pain within a few minutes.”

There was this one part of Tav, who just did not like this kind of attitude. The one part who wanted to shoot something back. He smirked, but before he could say something, Fhedré had put his hand onto Tav’s shoulder.

“Alright,” Fhedré said. “Tell me ways to punish someone without leaving any permanent marks on the body.”

“Spanking usually works,” Leivtan said. “You could use something like a paddle, too. Soft leather of sorts. And binding someone in a restrictive way gets painful rather quickly as well.”

“Have fun trying to get someone broken down with a bit of spanking.” Now Tav could just not help the commentary.

“Nobody talked about breaking someone before.” The half-elf evaded his gaze.

“Well, if I really wanted them punished,” Amira now said, “I would probably use water. Bring them close to suffocating. I might also go for their genitals. Those tend to heal up rather easily, but are very sensitive. Though… I do prefer to leave my scars.”

“It is undoubtedly nice to be able to leave someone with scars,” Fhedré said. “But you will not always have that luxury.”

Why did the thought make Tav blush? The idea of someone leaving scars on him. Someone else, that was. He already had a few scars, of course.

“While you are at the temple, things are fairly easy,” Fhedré continued. “Here you will find clerics who are able to heal anyone from most physical injury. But unless you become a cleric in Her name as well, you might not be able to do that out there.”

“What about potions?” Leivtan asked.

“Potions are nice, but give you a lot less control about the healing process than a cleric might have,” Fhedré said. “Especially as they usually require to be swallowed. Quite a few torturers have accidentally killed their victims, because they had not thought of the fact that said victim had to be able to swallow a potion in the end.” He stepped forward a bit, before turning. “Tav?”

Tav understood. He understood quite well, without needing to be further asked. He stepped forward as well, and when Fhedré took the chains hanging from the ceiling, Tav gave him his hands so the wrists could be bound. He gave in, when Fhedré pulled on the chains, until both arms were being pulled up just a bit – not enough that he would be hanging from it, but enough that he noticed some strain on the arms.

“Usually you can inflict some pain simply through the way you keep the person, you are going to torture,” Fhedré said. “Almost any position will become uncomfortable after a while. This way it will tire his arms and shoulders. If I keep him like this for hours, it might be enough for him to suffocate. I could pull him up on his arms, through it possibly dislocating his shoulders and making suffocation even more likely.”

Tav noticed quite well, how Fhedré was watching him as he spoke, wanting to gleam his reaction. He just closed his eyes, imagining it for a moment. Being kept like this for hours.

“You can have someone kneel down, too. It will make the legs to numb after a while. Quite painfully so. It might get so bad, that the person will faint, when they are made to get up.” Then Fhedré looked over to Leivtan. “And yes, obviously you can bind people in a way that is quite painful, especially when it is a continuous state.”

He knelt down to tie up Tav’s ankles once more. “I prefer someone to be tied down quite well, because it allows me better access to their body. Especially like this, with their body spread out.” He ran his hand over Tav’s back.

“You have probably already found, that there are quite a few people, who will enjoy at least a bit of pain from time to time,” Fhedré continued. “And like Tav said… While a spanking can be quite humiliating, most people are not so sensitive towards the pain that it will do much to them outside of the humiliation. Especially as most folks are not that sensitive, when it comes to their ass.” He still got a leather paddle, beating Tav with it – though Tav did manage to keep his reaction low. And be it just to proof a point. He knew much worse than a simple spanking.

So even when Fhedré beat him hard and without holding back, he did not make a sound. He just endured it. It was just a bit of pain. His ass was burning, sure, but nothing that he could not deal with.

He was aware that Fhedré was chuckling over his lack of a reaction, though.

“It is why it is a challenge, to actually intimidate someone when you cannot put permanent marks on them – and do not have magic.” He got another flogger out. “Especially when they know their body.” Leather was hissing over Tav’s back, but without breaking the skin. It hurt, but Tav managed to keep himself controlled. He did not react. He just let it happen.

Even when Fhedré went in front of him, letting the leather slash over his chest and stomach, he managed to keep his reaction at a shaky breath.

“Well, he knows that you are not going to do anything to him,” Leivtan commented. “So this is not really an apt comparison.”

“See, this is where you are wrong,” Fhedré said. “I am willing to hurt this man quite a lot and he knows it. He just also knows how to handle pain.” Once more he stepped closer to Tav, running his hand over the now burning back. “Now, it might well be, that you just will use any skills you might acquire in Her service, in which case your goal should be to explore the limits of pain together with a hopefully willing partner. But should you end up a torturer, you should also know how to deal with someone like him.” He took another step closer. “Amira was not wrong, though. Making someone think they will suffocate does work very well in most cases.” He ran a hand over Tav’s throat, before whispering: “Is it alright if I demonstrate?”

Tav hesitated for a moment. Funnily enough this was something he was not quite experienced with. Still, he took a deep breath before he nodded.

He was not quite sure, what he expected. Not quite the spell that followed, though, as water was suddenly covering his face, no, his entire head. His first instinct was to gasp for air, but he knew better. He still could not help his second instinct to move his body, trying to break his head out of the water that seemingly just hovered over his head. Fhedré did not let him, though. One hand around Tav’s throat, and the other hand on his forehead, he kept Tav’s head steady, while the need to breathe was quickly getting overwhelming.

Tav was shaking, trying to break loose. He was not thinking now, he was just acting on instinct. And this instinct was telling him, that he was about to drown, even though most of his body was not even in contact with water.

His chest muscles started to spasm painfully, as he tried to fight down the need to breathe in. The blood was rushing through his ears. He tried to move. He tried. But he couldn’t. And then… Then the urge to breathe became overwhelming. He breathed in, only for water to fill his airways and then…

The water dripped to the ground, as he was hanging there in those bounds, coughing, shaking.

“Are you alright?” Fhedré asked, while Tav was still trying to even out his breath.

It took him a few moments, before he managed to nod. “I’m fine,” he pressed out.

For a moment Fhedré looked at him, running a hand through the now dripping wet hair. “Alright.” Then he turned to the other two. “As you can see, this is something that much easier leaves an impression.”

“Well, that was a magic trick, though,” Leivtan noted.

“Oh please,” Amira said. “That was magic, yeah. But I swear to you, that you will have the same success by putting someone’s head into a bucket of water. No need to be all fancy about it.”

“I can already see, that you would make for a fine torturer,” Fhedré muttered, watching the woman. “You said something else before this, too, right?”

“Well, yes,” she said. “I… If I was trying to break someone, to get them to give up. I would… Well, I would torture their genitals. Those become painful very easily. It is also very humiliating. And at the same time…” She winced, as if she was quite self-aware of how it sounded. “Look, sure, you can break a cock in  a way that it might never properly stand again. But… Usually folks do not die from that, you know? Especially with women or… I mean…” She looked at Tav. “I mean, him too. A cunt is meant to break down, you know? Like, I have attended births before and it is a fucking messy thing to watch happen. And most of the times people will live through it, you know. But it is painful. Oh, it is so painful.”

Fhedré stepped back from Tav. “How would you go about it?”

“Well, there are… several ways. In general folks do react quite strongly to being burned down there. Or to being cut or pierced in some way. With… Well, with cocks and balls, you can crush them, too. And a cunt… You can put stuff in there and see how far it stretches. Because it stretches a lot. And all of it is not only painful, but also just so humiliating, that most people will break under it.”

Tav eyed the woman, starting to wonder now what her story was. Because yes, he knew quite well what it was for someone to try to break him down that way – to know what it was to be broken that way as well. He had seen her as a lot milder in the two talks they had had before. Especially compared to Leivtan. But right now it seemed that Leivtan was maybe a bit sadistic, and had an ego about it. But Amira? She… she seemed to know what she was doing.

Fhedré thought something similar, maybe. As he looked at her. “Have you broken someone before?”

She hesitated at this. “I… have not tried to.”

“But you did it never the less,” Fhedré said slowly.

She did not answer, her gaze now coy.

A shiver ran down Tav’s back. And the worst part of it was, that he was not entirely certain, whether this shiver was a welcome one. It felt like it. Almost. “I want you to try.”

Three pairs of eyes were on him now. “What?”

“Try to break me,” he said, looking at her.

It was Fhedré, who reacted. “Are you sure you are not… asking for a bit more trouble, than you actually want?”

“I am,” Tav said. He was shivering again, but the shiver was strangely pleasurable. “I want to know how she would go about it.”

“She is intelligent…” Fhedré hesitated. “I give her that. But… She also does not have the experience, and I am afraid that she might… Well, hurt you.”

“You can heal me, right?” Tav said. “You can heal me.”

“And I am still here and listening,” Amira said. She crossed her arms, as she watched Tav, the way he was hanging there from his binds. “You mean it?”

“Yes.”

“You want me to break you.”

“I want you to try,” he replied.

“Why her and not me,” Leivtan asked.

“Because I know guys like you,” Tav said. “You mostly have a big ego, and want to get your dick wet. That’s… Boring.”

He could see he had hit a sore spot, as the other man winced so clearly.

But it was Amira, who took a deep breath, before managing a stiff smile. “Alright. But only if I get to break your skin. And… Well, do damage, that can be healed.”

Tav looked at her. “Sure.”

“Tav…” Fhedré was touching his shoulder again, wordlessly asking him to turn around, though Tav was not sure whether he wanted to.

“It’s alright,” he said. “I… You know I can handle the pain. And… It is what feels right right now.”

Fhedré paused, but then he sighed. “Alright. I… am going to trust your judgement.”

Those words brought a smile to Tav’s face, and for a moment he ended up looking at the older man either way. At the same time the human woman was considering the proposition, clearly going over it in his mind.

“I want him upside down,” she then said. “Can I do that?”

“That’s up to him,” Fhedré said.

Tav shrugged – well, or did the next best thing he could do in his current position. “You are trying to break me. So… You might do whatever you want.” He looked at Fhedré once more. “And you just… help her, with what she needs.”

Amira took a moment to get herself to move, but in the end she lowered the chains, untying Tav. “I need rope. I want to tie him differently,” she said.

Even though there was still some hesitation in his demeanor, Fhedré reacted. “Are there any tools you want to use?”

Tav noticed that she was shivering in anticipation as well, just like him. “Yes. I am going to need needles. And a bucket. And water. And blades. And…” She paused. “A pear. You do have those here, right?”

“Yes,” Fhedré answered. “If it is used to elicit pain, you will find it here.”

“Good,” she said. “Coals and an iron, too. If push comes to shove.” She looked at Tav, her smile about as unsrecure as he was feeling.

It did not take long for her to get what she had requested. By the time Fhedré brought in the instruments, Amira had bound Tav’s arms behind his back in a very tight tie, allowing him near to no movement of the shoulders.

He was sitting on the ground, his legs already spread and shackled.

A strange anticipation was filling his entire body.

For a moment her gaze met hers, as she eyed him. She did not seem quite that confident. “You asked for this,” she muttered, as she started to turn the gear to pull him up on his ankles.

He gasped just a bit as he was lifted into the air. Another tremble ran through his body.

Leivtan was still here, though he stood now at the wall, clearly pouting over the development of things.

When Tav was hanging there, Amira eyed him for a long while. “I can tell that you know pain. You barely react with a lot of it, do you?”

“Yeah,” he replied.

There was a pause, before she touched his cunt, running her fingers along the folds. “And at the same time you are a masochist. So a part of you really wants me to hurt you, right?”

He chuckled nervously. “Yeah.”

“I see.” She went over to the table, taking the bowl of needles, she had had Fhedré bring. There were quite a few more needles, than Viola had ever experimented with. But in the end, the pain of a needle was familiar.

Tav took a deep breath, as Viola knelt down in front of him, before she took the first needle to drive it through his chest.

He wondered whether she mostly tortured women before. After all, when you had tits, this was even more effective to work with, given that the fat was easy to pierce. It was not that difficult with his muscles either, though – and he quickly understood what she was doing.

She always took up a thin flap of skin, driving a needle through it. All needles in two straight lines, that were crossing the nipples. And like most people she could not resist the easy, sensitive flesh at the nipples, driving not one but two needles through each of them.

When he reacted with only a gasp to it, she shot him a look. “I am not entirely certain what you want. Do you want to proof that you are not easily broken, or do you want me to reduce you to a whimpering mess?”

“I am not quite sure either,” he replied. “I guess we will see.”

“I guess we will,” she muttered, before she continued her work. Needle after needle, until both lines reached up to his stomach.

Then she stood up. She did not speak to him, rather just went and moved the large bucket of water until it was under his head.

Of course he understood. He had understood from the very beginning.

He allowed himself to take a deep breath, as he already knew what would happen just a moment later. It did not help against the feeling of helplessness, that in a way might be worse than any pain. Right now he felt helpless, as his head was dunked in the water, while he was almost entirely unable to move.

He managed to control his first reaction for a moment, but it did not take long for his instincts to rise up with vengeance. He wanted to gasp for air and knew he couldn’t. So instead his body tried to convince him to flail, to try and get his head over the water surface. He could not help but squirm a little, knowing fully well that it was useless. He still did it though, as the need to breathe became harder and harder to ignore.

By the time she pulled him back up, he was trembling, gasping for air.

Admittedly, he had not expected what she did next. She only allowed him a few short moments, before dunking him into the water again, letting him hang there upside-down squirming and helpless for what felt like another eternity.

Instincts wanted him to yell, though he managed to fight them down. Still, when she pulled him back up, his rips were hurting from the need to breathe.

He was coughing and gasping for air. Something that became more painful through those needles now.

Then he saw her expression – and this was what did surprise him. As a rather sweet smile showed on her lips.

She looked at him for a long moment, before she lowered him into the water again.

This time he could no longer fight his instincts. He tried to get his head up, tried to fight it, no matter how much it was hurting. But in his fight for this instincts, he did not even pay it any mind as she was coming close. He only noticed her, when he felt the pain at his clit, as something pushed into it. Something long and sharp. Another needle.

He screamed, regretting it a moment later as he lost too much air. And she did not pull him back up. Instead there was another needle. Then a third one.

He breathed in water, starting to cough. And only then did she pull him back up.

This time, when he came back up, he was whimpering. He could not help it. A tremble ran through his body. He was still coughing, while Amira smiled.

She allowed him to breath a bit, still going over to him again.

“What are you doing?” he asked.

“What you wanted me to,” she replied. There was something strange in her voice.

She took another needle and pushed it into his clit, just as he writhed in reacting, groaning in anguish. She did not show any pity, though. Putting another needle in. Then another. And another, at which his entire body suddenly jerked.

She paused. “Did you just cum?”

He took a shaky breath. “I did.”

“Is this… pleasurable to you?”

“I don’t know,” he replied. “In a way. In a way it feels good. My body… seems to be really bad at distinguishing between pain and pleasure at times.”

“Hmm.” That was her only reply, before she took another needle. And then more. And more.

He really did not even count. It was more than anyone had ever dared to put into him. That was all he knew. And it hurt. It hurt so much. And still…

Once more she lowered him until his head was submerged. And once more he could not stop his body from squirming in a desperate attempt to breathe. She was not hurried, though. Not with letting him breathe. This time she beat him instead. With something flat against his genitals. Against those needles, as he screamed.

Again he swallowed water and coughed, but even this did not get her to pull him up. No. She had to put in more impacts, so that by the time she pulled him back up, he was retching.

“I think this is enough,” Fhedré said slowly, as Tav was gasping for air, only to be met with a strange gaze from the woman.

“He wanted to be broken, right? You need to at least give me a proper chance.”

“He is close to fainting.”

“But not close to be broken,” she replied. “Are you, Tav?”

He took a deep breath. His mind was not thinking clearly. Right now he was riding a rush that came from the pain and the experience close enough to suffocating. He knew, that if he said anything, Fhedré would stop this right here. But… He kind of wanted to know where else this crazy woman would take him. “I am good,” he whispered.

She smiled. Then she got the metal instrument from the table. This one he knew. A “pear of pain”, that how it was called. There were variations to it, but this was the one he was most intimately familiar with.

He drew in a sharp breath, as she pushed it into his cunt, the wide base already stretching him out painfully. But it would not end with that either. He knew. And he knew all he could do was try and relax, as she started to turn down that gear in the middle of it, that would spread the four parts of the pear to the side, would spread them out. Further and further. Until it felt as if it was tearing him apart – and then even further. It was as if it was ripping his cunt apart. It felt like it. As if the tissue was ripping under it.

He groaned in pain, before that groan turned into a pained howl. Finally tears started to well up in his eyes, as he was squirming once more.

Worst of all, was that the extending pear also forced those needles in the sensitive tissue to move. To probably tear further wounds into his flesh. It felt as if his entire fucking cunt was being shredded into pieces. And he could do nothing. Absolutely nothing.

He was still howling, when she lowered him into the water once more. This time he had no control over his breathing anymore. He drew in water, started to cough, and yet she did not pull him up until a few moments later.

As he was hanging there, coughing and retching, she smiled once more. Then she lowered him again, leaving him in the water for even longer.

His breath was shaky, when she pulled him up again. His vision was blurry, too.

“You do not really want me to break you, do you?” she asked.

He looked at her, trying to find enough breath to answer. “I don’t know.”

“So, do you want me to continue?”

“I…”

But it was Fhedré, who stepped in. “No. This is more than enough.”

“I asked him,” she said pointedly.

“And you are just a recruit,” Fhedré replied. “I am a priest. And I am saying, this is enough.”

Tav’s body might even agree with Fhedré. He was shaking still. “But…”

Fhedré turned around to him. “No Tav. You made your point. It is enough.”

There was something in Amira’s gaze, that Tav could not make sense off. But right now he probably could not make sense of a lot of things. She raised her palm up. “Alright. Alright. I am sorry.”

Fhedré’s body was tense right now, and even Tav noticed how he was breathing heavily. “I will take care of him now. You two… go.”

“I can take care of his aftercare,” Amira said, but Fhedré shook his head.

“You cannot heal him. I can. So go.”

“Alright. You… You are the one to make the decision. I get it,” she said. “Is there anything else I can help with.”

“No.”

It was almost funny. It seemed that Fhedré was more agitated by this, than Tav was. Even though it was Tav’s body, that was shaking. That was still screaming in pain.

He watched as the other two recruits left the room. But more than that, he watched Fhedré, whose shoulders were so very tense at this.

“I am fine,” Tav whispered.

“You are not,” Fhedré said. He took a deep breath before turning around to Tav and kneeling down in front of him. He had a long look at Tav’s eyes – and Tav assumed those eyes were feverish right now. “I am going to let you down first, alright?”

“Alright.” Tav frowned. “But I am fine.”

He watched Fhedré push the bucket to the side, before very carefully lowering him down inch by inch.

Funnily enough the pain in Tav’s crotch became only more real, when his hip was on the ground as well. Especially as he could not put his legs back together right now. Not with the pear spreading him like it did right now.

He whimpered, unable to hold it back now. And maybe Fhedré understood. He knelt down next to him and started to turn back that gear, making that pear fold up properly once again.

Strangely enough it was, when Fhedré pulled it out, that Tav’s body reacted once more, jerking and trembling with another climax.

Fhedré turned to him, something strange in his expression.

“Why are you like this right now?” Tav asked.

“Like what?”

“Why did you send her away.”

“Let me answer with a question of my own. Why did you challenge her to this?”

“I don’t know,” Tav said. “I… It felt like a good idea at the time. I mean…” He tried to push his legs together, but still failed as it was hurting too much. “I still… It felt good.”

“You were close to fainting,” Fhedré said.

“Yeah. And two days ago, when you tortured my cunt, I fainted during it. And I… I liked it. In a way… I liked it.” He sighed, leaning his head back. “I know I am messed up. I just… I guess that’s the way I am.”

Fhedré hesitated for a long, long moment. “I am not saying you are messed up, Tav. I just… I love seeing you in pain. I do. But… I also promised you to keep you safe while you are here. And I do not intend to break that promise.”

Chapter 9: Loviatar's Monsters

Summary:

Fhedré is worried about Tav after what has happened with Amira.

Notes:

Another chapter without sex.

However, I will give a little CW for this chapter, because...

Content Warning: Discussion of deadly diseases, mentioned death of children

Tav squinted, as he woke up the next morning and found Fhedré sitting by the side of his bed. It took him a moment to understand – and that moment was enough for Fhedré to notice that he had woken up by now.

“You are awake,” he noted, before sighing. “Sorry. I was worried. I wanted to look after you.”

“Worried?” Tav sat up and rubbed his eyes. Then he yawned. “Did something happen?”

“No. Just… Yesterday.” Fhedré shot him a short smile. “What happened yesterday has me worried.”

Tav could not fight down another yawn. He was not yet awake enough to deal with this, though he tried to understand. Pushing his legs over the corner of the bed, he allowed himself to sit for a long moment. “Give me… Let me wake up first.”

“Sure,” Fhedré said. He waited patiently as Tav stretched. He also waited, when Tav got some water to wash himself, before getting dressed.

Both Amira and Leivtan seemed to still be sleeping, though Tav could swear he saw Amira’s eyes glitter in the twilight of the room. He really had to wonder, where she was coming from. Because even he could tell that some parts of her story did not quite add up.

“Want to walk a bit?” he asked Fhedré.

“Of course,” the other man said, smiling at him.

It was still early morning, though not quite as early as Tav’s last morning had been. Some people were already awake and going about their business in the temple.

“I don’t understand, why yesterday disturbed you so much.” Tav shot Fhedré a side glance. “I mean… I mean… When I was at the ritual… Where me met. I mean, what happened yesterday was nothing in comparison. At least… Well, at least from what I can tell.”

“The ritual was controlled,” Fhedré said. “Yesterday… Yesterday was not. The way she went about it… She might have drowned you. Do you not see that?”

Tav continued walking, though he did think about it for a moment. “It did not feel like it.”

“You breathed in water more than once,” Fhedré said. “I saw it.”

“But you were there, right?” Tav said. “I mean, I was never really in danger. If something had happened, you could’ve saved me, right?”

“I would. I stopped it, when I did, because it was going too far. I… I just don’t understand why you wanted to keep going. Or why… Why did you challenge her to begin with?”

“I still don’t know.” Tav shook his head. “It felt right at the moment. I guess. I mean, it still felt right, even as you stopped it. I don’t know how to describe it. It was really painful, yes. And frightening as well. I felt helpless. But… It was like a rush. It was like a rush, while it lasted. And I did not need to think about anything during it. It is… It is the thing I like about this, you know? About when Viola does it, too.”

“Tav…” Fhedré stopped in his gait, looking at him now with an even clearer worry in his expression.

Tav stopped as well, though he did not know quite what to say. Most of all, because he did not quite understand what had happened in the first place to draw this man to him. It had all begun with that ritual. It was after that, that Fhedré had first talked to him. That he had asked him to come to the temple. But… Tav just could not make any sense of the man.

Maybe… Maybe he should simply ask. Maybe…

He sighed, as he walked onwards. At times he hated to feel stupid in the way he did. Stupid and messed up. That was what he was always feeling.

“Can I ask you something?” he whispered.

“Yes, of course you can.” Fhedré started walking too, following after him.

“The ritual. When we met. I… I still don’t get what made you think I was special in it. I mean… You did not know me before. And afterwards… You were just there. And…” Tav shook his head.

There was a long moment of silence, in which Fhedré so clearly thought about his reply. A sigh came over the man’s lips. “It is not the usual way of things for someone, who is not of the faith to volunteer as an offering. And I rarely ever have used an offering, who was not… a Pain Bearer. I honestly did not know what to expect, when Viola brought you for it. But you took the pain so well. Better than some of Her worshippers have in the past. You stayed conscious for a long while, too.” While Tav could not actually see it, he felt Fhedré’s hesitation before the man stretched out his hand to take Tav’s wrist. A soft, and rather considerate touch. So strangely intimate.

He turned around to look at the other man.

“During it, I felt somewhat bad,” Fhedré said. “Because I realized that you were not mentally prepared for anything. You… You did not know that the dragon would fuck you, did you?”

“No,” Tav said.

“But you still held on. And even afterwards, you took it surprisingly well. Given that you had not known what would come… Other people might have had quite a different reaction than you.”

Tav did not reply anything. Because the truth was, of course, that at the moment it had somehow still been something he had expected. Sure, not quite like that. But… It had been just another rape. Just another rape that he might not have seen coming like that, but had somehow expected still.

Once more he noticed, how soft the expression in Fhedré’s eyes was, as the man watched him. “But I also realized at that moment, that you were carrying a lot of pain with you. And that you do not know how to deal with that pain. And…” There was another awkward pause as Fhedré took a deep breath. “I would lie, if not part of it had been religious zealotry. I am almost certain that you are a Pain Bearer. That you belong into our Lady’s embrace. But I also felt like I could help you. And I still want that. I still want to help you.”

Listening to the man’s voice, there was no doubt in Tav’s mind, that Fhedré meant, what he was saying. Though at the same time Tav did not quite understand: “Why?”

Funnily enough, Fhedré did not instantly answer. Instead he considered, before smiling. “Let’s go to the garden. I think that is a nicer place to talk.”

“Fair enough.” Tav managed a smile as well. He noticed that Fhedré was still holding his hand, when he guided him – even though Tav by now knew the way to the garden, that was on the second level of the temple complex.

It was a round garden at the center of the complex. Kept alight and alive with some magically enchanted stones simulating sunlight in a way, very unlike the dimmer light seen from the other crystals.

There were herbs growing here. As well as some fruits and vegetables. It gave the garden a nice smell. The smell of herbs mostly. Lavender was one of those scents standing out, as those flowers were always in bloom under the artificial conditions found down here.

“Sit with me,” Fhedré said, pointing towards one of the benches right in the middle of the field of herbs.

“Sure.” Tav was not certain what to expect now. He most certainly did not expect Fhedré to give a bitter chuckle as he sat down.

“I might be a bit hypercritical,” Fhedré said. “The entire time I am trying to get you to open up, while not at all opening up myself, right?”

Tav had not even thought about it. But he guessed that was in a way what happened. He knew nothing about this man. Nothing, but that he was a priest and cleric of Loviatar. “In a way…”

“Do you want to know?” Fhedré asked. “How I ended up… here?”

Uncertain, what to answer, Tav hesitated. “I assume you at some point also visited the Dungeons and… somehow ended up worshipping Loviatar.”

“It is never quite that simple,” Fhedré replied. “Sure, those dungeons are, what will attract quite a few people. But most of them might vaguely align with our Goddess, will make some payments to the temples, come here from time to time. But they will not… they will not become real worshippers. Not the way…” He stopped, then sighed. “Most of us, who follow Her come from a lot of pain. And while some of us might have had interests in those sexual aspects… The reason why we are here, is that She is the only Goddess, who will offer us to understand this pain. To make sense of it.”

“I see.” Tav did not meet the man’s gaze. “You said something like this before.”

A silence fell between them. Tav did not know what to say, because he still could make so little sense of what was happening to him right now. And it seemed that Fhedré was trying to find the right words.

“Fourteen years ago, I was a simple farmer,” the cleric finally said.

“A farmer?”

“Yes. I lived in village in the northeast of Waterdeep called Wiesengor. I had a husband and two children, one of them three years old, the other not even quite one year. My mother and my aunt were both living with us. We had a few animals. A single field. Not much. But it was always enough. I never wanted more.”

“Were they killed?” Tav asked. Because he knew a similar story from his own life. He, too, had lived east of Waterdeep, until the goblins had come and taken him.

“In a way. Just not… Not the way you think. It was not bandits or goblins or orcs. It was… Just a plague. An infection. It first got to some of the pigs in the village. But somehow it then started to affect some kids. Hevra, our three-year-old, developed pink spots and a fever and five days later, she was… she was dead. And there was nothing I could do. My mother died next. Then the small one. The next day my husband woke with the spots. And not seven weeks after it had first started… Most people in Wiesengor were dead.” Fhedré’s voice sounded strangely hollow, as he spoke. Yet Tav could see those tears in his eyes, that he was trying to hold back. “I was told I was immune. I guess I was. I never developed the spots or the fever. I just… buried everyone. Everyone I ever knew. I ever loved.” He closed his eyes, rubbing away a single tear from the corner of his eyes. “I could not just go on afterwards. I could not just try and… go back to my old life. So I ended up in the guts of the city, and spent the next year in a ditch drinking myself to sleep every night.”

It was one of those stories, that you could not properly answer to. Maybe, because it had happened so long ago. Or maybe, because it was one of those things were the fate of the world seemed so cruel and for no good reason. It was one of the reasons, that Tav did not like to talk about his own story. Nobody knew how to answer to that one either – and he did not hold it against them. It was more that if they tried to answer, they often made things worse.

“How old were you then?”

“Twenty-six,” Fhedré said.

“And… It was the Loviatans, who got you off the street?” It was the best answer that Tav could think of.

“More or less. I was very angry back then. And I wanted… to let off some steam. It was that, that brought me to one of the Dungeons. And through that I found Her embrace.”

Tav once more was silent, as he thought about this. He remembered, what Fhedré had told him several times now. About pain. About how it was made to teach them. How it could make them strong. And… maybe it was a bad response to this. But somehow he could not stop the words before they came over his lips. “Did it make you stronger? The pain, I mean.”

“In a way it did, yes,” Fhedré said. “Though I would lie if I told you that I don’t wake up from dreams about them so often. About my family. I do think so often about… About how things might be, if that plague had not come. If they had not died.” He reached out, to once more take Tav’s hand. “But I know pain. I know it. It… It might be a very different pain from the one, that you have experienced. But it is still pain. A lot of it.”

“It is,” Tav whispered. “I mean, yeah, it is. Though…” He shook his head.

“Whatever it is that has happened to you… Know that I will not judge you for it.” Fhedré caressed his hand. His eyes were pinned on that scar on the back of it, though. “I mean… While I do not know any details, I am not blind, Tav. I understand that someone in your past raped you. Probably quite often. I understand, too, that someone – I assume the same person – has tortured you in some way. And… Since I got to this temple, I have talked with enough people who have been forced to marry horrible people, or who have been sold as slaves to brothels. I have no experience on my own, but… I can guess quite well, what has made you agree to come here. Again. I am not going to judge you for any of it, Tav. I just think… I think you might need someone to talk with about this.”

If anything, it hurt to realize how close Fhedré was to the truth. Tav thought himself rather good at hiding his truth, but it seemed that for some reason the man had read him quite easily. And there was this tiny part of Tav, who just wanted to give in. Who just wanted to tell him about everything. The same part, who knew that Fhedré was right. He needed someone.

Tav loved Kantei. He loved her. But it was because of this love that he did not want to burden her with it. With the shit that had happened to him in his life. Her life had been messed up on its own. Mostly because of her mother being, well, a horrible woman. But she did not know the kind of pain he had known. Which was good. It was a good thing that she had never to experience it. And because of that, he did not want her to experience it through him.

In comparison it was probably easier with Fhedré. And be it, because he at least seemed to have some understanding. It was just…

“I will think about it, alright?” Tav whispered.

Fhedré looked at him, caressing his hand still. “Alright. I will not force you to do anything. That pertains to this as well.”

“Thank you.” Tav allowed himself to relax for a moment. “I do appreciate what you are doing for me. I just… It is a lot. Right. Everything, I mean.”

“I understand,” Fhedré said.

“Can I ask you… a completely unrelated question?” Tav asked.

“You can.”

It was Tav’s turn to give an awkward chuckle now. “Why was there a dragon? Why was I fucked by a dragon?”

It felt good, when Fhedré joined in the awkward chuckle. “That is a fair question. The answer has to do with the domain of the gods and… with the fact that our Lady has found a certain pleasure in the way some of the monsters out there would be able to dominate other creatures. Loviatar has created some monsters of her own, but she has always had great love for Tiamat’s dragons. Their brutality, I think. And because of this… There are several rituals that will involve interspecies intercourse. Some of them are called the draconic rituals – and, well, they will involve a dragon.”

Tav shook his head, grimacing as he thought about it. “So this is common?”

“It is not common,” Fhedré said. “But it is not exactly rare, either.”

“When I realized that dragon was going to fuck me, I really thought I was going to die, you know?”

“I understand,” Fhedré replied. “I really am sorry. Had I known that Viola did not tell you… I would have told you. So that you could make a proper informed decision.”

“Viola probably just wanted to see my reaction to it,” Tav muttered, and sighed. “I mean… I know she is horrible, you know? Like, she never gives a single shit about any boundary I have. But… Till I came here, she was the only person able to fully fuck me silly, you know? To break me down, till I no longer could think straight.”

“And that is something you want?”

Tav pursed his lips as he considered this question. “It is something I need.”

“Alright. I understand,” Fhedré said. “Can I… Can I ask you another question kind of related to that?”

“You can.”

“I have seen her use that spell on you, that gives you a cock. Do you like that?”

“I… I kinda love it. Though she mostly uses it… I mean, that cock is just my clit enlarged until it is real big. And it is very, very sensitive. So a good way to inflict pain on me.”

“I can see that.”

“She taught me the spell, though. I… I can give myself a cock like that. For at least an hour or so.”

Fhedré raised an eyebrow at those words. “You can?”

“Yeah.”

And somehow, Tav actually liked the smirk on the man’s face now. “So… Would you like me to experiment with that as well?”

Chapter 10: The Sweetest Whimpers

Summary:

Once more Fhedré takes care of Tav's training. But today he asks Tav what he wants to do.

Notes:

Another chapter that is basically just smut/kink stuff happening.

Kinks/TWs: (Magical) T-Dick, Aphrodisiac, Enema, Needle Play, Genital Torture, Whipping, Overstimulation, Public Use

“Engore.” Tav took a shaky breath, as he whispered the spell, starting to form his flesh. Like always, it was tingling in an almost overwhelming manner, but it felt good, too. And be it just that in the end he knew he would be left with something like an actual cock.

Fhedré’s eyes were watching him intently, were watching the clit grow, until it had reached the proper size. “How does it feel?” he asked.

“Good.” Tav smiled. “Right.” Because that was the truth at the core of it. Having this cock felt good – even if it would only last for so long.

Fhedré hesitated, before daring to ask: “Can I touch it?”

Tav let go of the magic cock, relaxing just a bit. “Of course.” He closed his eyes, as Fhedré stepped to his back, wrapping his arms around him. A slight moan came over Tav’s lips, as he could feel the man’s fingers grip for that cock.

Fhedré started to stroke him, just as one would stroke a guy.

Darn it. It felt so good. Already Tav was trembling a bit in Fhedré’s arms, his instinct being to lean over just a bit. The touch was just so very intensive, given that the fake cock was just so very sensitive. It got Tav to moan, as he could feel the pleasure taking over bit by bit. And the more the pleasure was taking him, the blanker his mind would go.

He groaned, squirming just a bit.

“Does it feel good?” Fhedré asked, and Tav just nodded.

“Yes. Ugh. Yes, it feels… amazing,” he whispered. Another moan came over his lips, as he could already feel his flesh twitch just a bit in anticipation. As sensitive as he was down there, it did not take very long. It did not take long at all, before the first orgasm took him.

Trembling he was lying in Fhedré’s arms, though the cleric did only hesitate for a moment, before he continued what he was doing.

An even deeper groan came over Tav’s lips as he understood. Yet, despite not being bound, he allowed for it to happen. He let Fhedré further stimulate him, as especially his thighs were twitching now with the sensations that were so easily overwhelming.

Tav leaned into Fhedré’s embrace, not holding back on his groans. There was always this certain pain coming with stimulation – especially this shortly after already having orgasmed. But if anything he knew to savor the pain. To enjoy it.

Another moan, as he could feel the next climax close in on him. While the first climax always brought release, the second in such a short time would tend to bring pain. Pain, as his cunt was tensing up so strongly, without him being able to do anything about it. He whimpered, as it started, but still just allowed Fhedré to hold him like this.

Even after this orgasm hit, Fhedré would not let go of him. He continued. Continued to tease him, to stimulate him, as more moans turned into whimpers. As Tav continued to squirm in Fhedré’s arms. By the time he came again, he was screaming.

“Do you like this?” Fhedré asked.

“What?” Tav’s voice was just a bit hoarse already.

“Being overstimulated like this.”

Drawing in a deep breath, Tav tried to give a proper answer. “I do. Kinda. I…” He allowed himself to lean a bit more against Fhedré’s chest. “I like the feeling to be helpless. To have someone else be in such complete control…” A whimper came over his lips, as Fhedré’s fingers gently glid over the exposed tip of the cock.

Fhedré carefully turned him around to have a good look at him. “You like being helpless?”

“Yeah,” Tav said. “I… I like the idea of someone… Of someone else taking control.”

“That’s why you keep going back to Viola.” It was a realization that clearly now came to Fhedré.

Tav felt himself blushing, but he nodded. “Yeah. When she… When she experiments on me, I feel completely in her control and… no matter how many boundaries she crosses, some weird part of me likes it. I don’t know. I just… Well, that’s how it is.” His body was still twitching just a little, as he could feel some juices drip down from his cunt.

Gently Fhedré raised a hand to caress Tav’s cheek. “If I told you I could do to you anything you’d want… What would you ask me to do?”

Now Tav frowned. “What?”

“What are some fantasies, you would like to explore?” Fhedré said.

Ironically it was this question which got Tav to blush. Giving him a chance to choose – and to open admit to it. Something that was surprisingly hard. A lot harder than to just give up any power and let someone else take charge.

Fhedré’s thumb was caressing his cheek again. A soft, and if he had to guess also encouraging gesture.

“I…” He swallowed. “I like to feel helpless. To feel used. And… When it all comes together. The helplessness, the humiliation and… and the pain. When it comes together, it becomes a sort of rush. And that feeling… That feeling is the best feeling I can imagine. I don’t have to think… about anything. I am just… I am just that feeling then. And…” He sighed, as he could no longer hold Fhedré’s gaze, rather now looking into the corner of the room. “Again. I know. It is… Messed up.”

Fhedré just chuckled at this. “When we first met, I had a dragon fuck you. I don’t think I get to judge any of that.” Once more that thumb softly caressed Tav’s cheek. “What do you want me to do to you today?”

It felt, as if Tav’s heart was skipping several beats at this. “I… Promise you won’t think of me as a crazy person?”

“I promise.”

“When… See, originally, when I went to visit Viola I had… Well, either some friends or my girlfriend… They would come with me. And as long as they were with me, Viola tried to scratch at those boundaries, but never outright take them down. And then… Then she did something my girlfriend hated. And I… I went there alone. And that day… She abused me badly. But at the same time… I felt so good after it. And…”

“You want me to do what she did?” Fhedré assumed, and Tav nodded.

He could anticipate the question that would come, if he did not answer it first. “She had this dildo, that… would spout aphrodisiac into my ass, until I was bulging. While she… she put needles into my cock and a hook and she put a weight on it, that by the end if almost felt like ripping it off. And… I want you to do that to me. And then for you to tie me up and whip me. And… I want to be used. Like a thing.” His voice was barely more than a whisper as he spoke this.

In all honesty, Tav did not know what kind of reaction he had expected from Fhedré. But it was most certainly not a soft smile – yet that was, what he was met with. “I can do. I… might even be able to find some other people to use you. Would you like that?”

A shiver ran through Tav’s body. “Yes.”

“Alright,” Fhedré said. “Then you’ll stay here for a moment, while I fetch and prepare some things. You job, until I get back, is going to be to keep that cock nice and big and stimulated. Can you do that?”

“Really?” Tav stared at him, before he could feel his cheeks blush again. “I mean, yes. I can.”

“Good boy.” One last time Fhedré caressed his cheek. “You like to be called that, right? A good boy?”

“I do,” Tav admitted, making the other man smile.

“I thought so.” With those words on his lips, Fhedré left.

They had been in one of the smaller torture chambers – or really, whatever one wanted to call those rooms in this temple. Though so far nothing much had happened. But it would change now, right? Gods, it would change now. Fhedré would… He would do that, wouldn’t he? The thing that Tav had actually asked for. He had asked for it!

Tav looked down on his nude body, looked down to the cock. “Engorgo,” he whispered once more, to keep it in its current state, before he started to rub himself, just as Fhedré had said. He rubbed himself, feeling already how his entire body was shivering with anticipation.

Gods. Just gods.

Imagining what would be done to him now, was enough to get him to cum way too quickly. Yet he kept rubbing himself, climaxing a second time before Fhedré returned.

The man watched Tav and grinned. He was a bit less careful, as he went over to him now, gripping between his legs. “You are like a waterfall down there.”

“I know,” Tav whispered.

“Are you looking forward to it so much?”

What sense was there lying now? “Yes.”

“Alright,” Fhedré said. “You know how it starts, right?”

“Yes. You… Will clean me out. I guess.” That was, what Viola had always done.

“That’s right. It is best if you lean forward.” He had already prepared a syringe with the enema, it seemed like. And Tav did not complain. He leaned forward against the table in the room and allowed Fhedré to take the next step, the liquid filling him up. He knew also, to keep it inside for a bit. To properly clean out his intestines.

Sweat started to cover his skin, as he waited. Though it took a few minutes before he was allowed to empty himself.

“Alright. Can you fit this one?” Fhedré asked, showing Tav the dildo.

Tav only smiled. “Look. If I really try, there is little I cannot fit in either hole. That one? Easy.”

Those words got the cleric to chuckle. “Alright, I will trust you on that one then.” He still used some liquid to make things glide along. But Tav leaned forward willingly, allowing the other man to push the dildo into his ass.

“You really are quite flexible,” Fhedré noted.

“Yeah. I am at least skilled in this regard,” Tav replied.

Fhedré caressed his ass. “Alright. Turn around.”

Tav did as he was told. He could already see that Fhedré had brought needles – as well as three hooks. And Tav knew enough to have a good idea where those hooks would end up.

There was some recognition of this in Fhedré’s gaze, as he took Tav’s hands, guiding him towards the center of the room. “Make sure the dildo stays in, alright?”

“Will do,” Tav said. It was a bit uncomfortable to walk with the thing in his ass – but it too was a skill he had mastered over the years.

When Fhedré took the chains hanging from the ceiling of the room, to tie up Tav’s wrists, Tav just let it happen, allowing Fhedré, too, to raise the arms further up.

“Well then, let’s start with your little cock, shall we?” Fhedré said.

“Yes.”

“There are going to be twelve needles. You think you can handle them?”

Tav nodded slowly. “Yes.”

“Good.” Fhedré took over the bowl filled with those needles soaking in distilled alcohol. He got out the first needle, before taking Tav’s cock into his hand. He did not ask whether Tav was ready. He did not say anything else. He just pushed it through the shaft created by the magic, making Tav gasp and squirm.

“You are also really brave today, aren’t you?” Fhedré asked.

“I… Yes,” Tav whispered.

“Alright.” Fhedré took the next needle, before without much hesitation pushing it through Tav’s cock as well.

The pain was overwhelming, like always. This was, after all, Tav’s clit enlarged and made even more sensitive. So each needle felt like a flaming hot iron being pushed through. This time Tav could not help a whimper – a whimper that got a smile out of Fhedré.

Then Fhedré got the next needle. Then the next.

It was… always so strangely fascinating to watch this. To watch the needles pierce Tav’s flesh. In some cases there were single droplets of blood. In others there was none, making it almost surreal. But the pain… The pain was there. And the pain was hard to ignore. And yet, it took only until the eighth needle, for the pain to slowly start feeling more pleasurable. Be it, because it was already on the limit, or because of those small doses of aphrodisiac filling up Tav right now.

It was the tenth needle, that got him to cum with a deep, guttural groan. Fhedré did not acknowledge it, instead just putting in the last two needles.

“You know what the hooks are for, right?” Fhedré asked.

“I assume two are for the nipples, and one is for the cock,” Tav answered.

“Very good.” Fhedré smiled. “I brought little weights for your nipples. Look.” He got the things made of metal and some sort of gemstone up from the table. “They are pretty, right?”

“Yeah,” Tav whispered.

“Alright. Let’s put them onto your nips, alright?”

“Alright.” Tav closed his eyes, only drawing in a sharp breath, as the first hook pierced his skin. Another sharp breath, when Fhedré hung the weight onto it, that was just enough to be uncomfortable.

“Pretty,” Fhedré said, running his finger over the abused nipple. “Let’s do the other one.”

Tav once more found himself nodding, and waiting for Fhedré to do what he had said. Another gasp, another twinge of pain. But then Tav was properly set up.

“What about the third hook?” he asked, his voice a bit hoarse. “Will there be a weight, too?”

“No, my good boy,” Fhedré said. “There is going to be a leash.”

Looking at him questioningly, Tav raised his eyebrows. “A leash?”

“Yes. But one thing after the other.” Fhedré stood up straight again, once more caressing Tav’s cheek. “How is your pain?”

Another shaky breath came over Tav’s lips. “It’s hard to describe. It’s… It feels good.”

“Good,” Fhedré said. “I am going to whip you now.”

Tav nodded. He closed his eyes, as Fhedré went around him. From the jingling of those tiny blades he knew that Fhedré was using the cat-o-nine-tails. Tav drew a deep breath, preparing for the first lash – and he understood that Fhedré was waiting it out for a while. Just to allow him to stew in his own anticipation for a bit.

When those blades finally hissed over Tav’s back, he could not hold back a pained groan. And Fhedré put in the next leash just after it. Then he paused, though.

“Careful there,” he said, coming up to Tav to once more push that dildo into his ass. “You are slipping.”

It was another shiver, that ran through Tav’s body.

“I will keep it at ten leashes,” Fhedré said. “But this has to stay in.”

“I am giving my best.” The truth was of course, that it was hard to keep up the tension in his ass, while being whipped. It was simply the instinct to push in the moment the whip hit him. He still, tried, though. His body shaking in his binds, he awaited the next leash, focusing on keeping the dildo in place as he was hit.

He was yelping now, but he managed. His breath was coming in pants, but somehow he kept himself from hyperventilating.

In his mind, he was counting the lashes. Four. Five. Six. Seven. After this one Fhedré came to him once more to push in the dildo again. Then finally Eight. Nine. Ten.

Breathing deeply, he just hung there in those chains, his legs threatening to give out under him as he did. He was shaking once more, though it was not really as if he was still feeling the pain. Rather than pain it was something more… feral. Yes, somehow that word described it well.

He still whimpered, as Fhedré ran his hand over the bleeding back. “Your blood is beautiful.”

Tav looked at him. He looked at him and managed a smile.

“Did you cum again?”

“No,” Tav whispered. “Not from the whipping.”

“Should I make you cum again?”

“What?”

“You wanted to be used, right?”

Tav looked at him, but then he just gave another nod. “Yes.”

With a slight smile, Fhedré opened up the cuffs around Tav’s wrists. He did not say another word, as he got a rope instead. “Give me your arms now.”

“You mean…” Tav looked at him hesitantly. “Like this?” Nobody had ever tied him up after a whipping.

“Oh yes, sweet boy. Like this.”

And Tav just did. He yelped, as Fhedré manipulated his arms behind his back, bringing them into another box tie, that was painful on its own, but made even more painful through the fact that the arms were pressed against the open and bleeding back.

He was quite aware of that moment that Fhedré hesitated. But then the man pushed him down, shoving him until he was lying. “Keep like this,” he grunted, as he opened his trousers.

Tav did not even have a chance to react, before the cock pressed into his cunt. Again he was whining, as Fhedré pressed down against his arms and his back, but he did not even try to fight back. He just allowed it to happen. Howling in a mixture of humiliation and pain, he let the man fuck him, noticing for the first time this day, how his mind went black.

Despite the pain and everything else, he started to move his hips against Fhedré, willingly taking that rather well-endowed cock in. It did not even take long for him to climax once more – and not long after it, for him to feel Fhedré ejaculate inside of him.

“For someone, who can put so much in there, you can keep your cunt surprisingly tight,” Fhedré noted.

Tav still lay there on the grund, panting. “Training. I… I need to have one thing, I am good at, right?”

“Right…” Fhedré grabbed him by the ropes to pull him up to his feet. “Well, let’s see how good you are.” He turned to that bowl still filled with alcohol, taking out that last hook. “Remember this one?”

Tav stared at it. “You said… It… It was for a leash.”

“Yes. Good boy.” Fhedré knelt down in front of him, not hesitating long before threading the hook through the tip of that magic cock, smiling over the whimper he earned from it. Then he took a thin chain from the tray he had brought with him before, attaching it to the hook, before pulling on it, until Tav could not do anything but stumble forward. “We are going for a little walk.”

Unable to hold down another whimper, Tav nodded. By now he slowly started to feel the effects of the aphrodisiac – and how it was filling out his bowels. Just like before: Walking this way was uncomfortable, especially with the dildo still firmly lodged in his ass. More than that, though… It was humiliating, as Fhedré pulled him out of that rather private chamber.

He only realized it, when the first person crossed their path. They did not even stare, though they most certainly looked.

And they did not remain the only one.

They were seeing him. Like this…

“Where are we going?” he managed.

“To one of the altars,” Fhedré said. “You wanted to be used, right?”

“Yes,” Tav breathed.

“Then we are going to use you.” Fhedré pulled on the cock a bit harder. “Now hurry up.”

Tav just did, as he was told. Walking faster. Letting himself be pulled onwards, barely even noticing anything.

His body was shaking in pain, in anticipation, and in a mind-numbing pleasure. When another climax suddenly shook his body, his legs almost gave in under him. But he still walked on, until Fhedré brought him into a room featuring an altar made of marble.

There were other people here. Other people watching him, as Fhedré led him up to that altar. Then the man lifted him up to put him down on that altar.

“You are starting to bulge,” he said softly, once Tav was lying there. His hand caressed the slightly bulging belly. “Can you still hold on?”

“Yes,” Tav whispered. “I… I am good.” He turned his head to look towards the room. There were maybe twenty-five people here. All of them wearing temple garbs. “Are they… going to participate.”

Fhedré smiled. “Yes.”

 

***

 

“Are you ready?” Fhedré asked, as they were alone again.

He had rolled Tav onto his side, had freed him of the ropes by now. Though Tav only whined in response.

“I am going to take that as a yes,” Fhedré said. “Try and relax now.” With that he grabbed the shaft of that dildo, pulling it out.

After… Tav did not know how long it had been. But it had been a while. By now his belly was bulging strongly, while he had barely any control over his body left. After all that, he just could not hold onto it, feeling the liquid just run out of him.

“There… It’s alright.” Much to his surprise Fhedré pressed again his stomach, to massage more of the potion out of him, as he just laid there, whimpering.

His body was shaking in what felt like another orgasm – or maybe was just an afterquake. It made Fhedré sigh.

When he caressed Tav’s cheek now, it just reminded Tav how sticky he was. Most of his body was covered in one kind of liquid or another. Not that he cared right now. He cared about nothing. Right now he was fully careless. Thoughtless as well. He did not mind anything. Nothing at all.

“Your clit is starting to shrink,” Fhedré said. “I am going to pull out those needles now.”

It was more of an automatism, that made Tav roll onto his back once more, so that Fhedré could easier pull out the needles. He whimpered, as the man started though. As the touch… It hurt and felt so amazing. After all the aphrodisiac had not stopped working.

“You are a slight bit overstimulated,” Fhedré said with a gentle smile, pulling out more of those needles. Another sensation that got Tav to whimper with this mixture of pleasure and pain.

It was a primal urge that freed those words from Tav’s throat, as he groaned. “Fuck me. Again.”

“Tav… Don’t you think you had enough for a day?”

Tav shook his head. He was not really thinking. Of course not. He was just feeling. He was yearning. And his body had a certain yearning more than anything. “Please. More.”

Something showed in Fhedré’s eyes. Something like a worry. But then he sighed. “This is mostly the aphrodisiac speaking, isn’t it?”

Once again Tav shook his head – this time more energetically. “You said… What I want. I… I want you… I want you to fuck me again.” Frankly, he was not even sure how he managed to string so many words together at once.

“I said that,” Fhedré said, and hesitated for a moment. Then he sighed. “Alright.”

Chapter 11: Loviatar's Embrace

Summary:

Tav wakes up to find Fhedré watching over him.

Notes:

Another chapter that goes into character relations and character backstories. So, no kink in this chapter.

Content Note: Mentioned Death by Illness, and Child Death

It was another early morning for Tav. He woke, finding himself once more relaxed and well rested. Rolling onto his side, he just laid there, breathing. Once more not a single nightmare. He felt… good. Really good. Probably better than he had felt in months.

Fhedré had healed him in the end. Of course he had. Every day he had healed him, leaving no physical mark of what had happened on Tav. Just the exhaustion, that was so very welcome.

In the end of it, he had been barely able to walk back on his own. After that ritual yesterday. After being fucked. It had been amazing. Even though he knew it was messed up, and that would he be in Baldur’s Gate still, Kantei probably would not hold back with her opinion on it at all. There had been a reason he had not told her about how he was still going to Viola. There was a reason he had lied to Kantei about this, too.

He knew it was probably not healthy. That it was just a very messed up way for him to handle all the pain he was dealing with. And still…

Yesterday he had been fucked by more than twenty people, while his body was taken to its limits. And it had felt good. He had felt good about it. Even afterwards… When the effect of the aphrodisiac had subsided from his body, he had still felt good about it. Proud, in a way. Proud that he could take it.

Fhedré had said he was special. That he might be one of those Pain Bearers. And was it not messed up, that he kinda wished to be?

He still very well remembered that woman. Suspended by hooks through her flesh. Suffering for three days. If it was true, and he was one of Loviatar’s chosen, and if he decided to stay here as such… That would be his fate.

Why was the thought of it almost exhilarating?

A place to stay. A place to belong. A place where his existence had some sort of meaning at the very least.

A place to…

He noticed the steps coming closer. And squinting he could see Fhedré. Undoubtedly coming to look after him once more. Because Fhedré would keep doing that, right? Fhedré would look after him in some way. Look out for him.

Tav smiled. “Should I feel honored?” he whispered. “That you come to look after me once more.”

A smirk showed on Fhedré’s face. “Who says I am here to look after you?”

“Just… a feeling,” Tav said.

It made the other man chuckle. “Well, you are not wrong.” Once again he sat down on the side of the bed. “How are you feeling?”

“Good,” Tav said. “Really good.” He sat up. “Will you join me for breakfast?”

“I might,” Fhedré said.

Like the day before, the cleric watched Tav, as he washed and got dressed, standing up to follow him out onto the corridor.

“You seem to be in a really good mood today,” Fhedré noted.

“I am. I… I am feeling amazing, if I am honest.”

For a moment Fhedré stopped, just looking at Tav. “You really are?”

“Yes. I feel… I feel rested. I feel… My mind is at ease for the first time in months. I am feeling really good and I…” He shook his head. “I am simply feeling good.”

Fhedré hesitated, but then a smile started to show on his face. “That is really good to hear, Tav. I… I had hoped I could help you. I just…”

This time it was Tav, who reached out to take the other man’s hand. “You already helped me a lot.”

The smile on Fhedré’s face widened. “It is really good to hear. Is there anything else I might do for you today?”

“I…” Tav paused as he was considering this. “Let’s have breakfast first. Then… Let’s talk.”

“We can do that.”

 

***

 

Tav had not lied. He was really feeling better this day than any day before he had come here – but even a bit better than the days before. Something about the torture yesterday and the ritual that had followed… It felt as if it had removed some kind of barrier in his mind. As if it had taken some anxiety away from him that had still been there.

He had to wonder whether it had been, that what had happened had been, what he had wished for. Or maybe the fact that afterwards, he had felt useful still.

“Can we go to the garden again?” he asked, as they left the dining hall.

“Sure.”

“If you have that much time for me, that is,” Tav said, as he looked at Fhedré. “I kinda feel, like you are completely dedicating yourself to me. And I feel honored, though… I am also starting to feel guilty. I must take you from your other duties, right?”

“It is alright,” Fhedré said. “Recruitment is still one of my duties. Especially… Well…” He gave a heavy sigh. “As said, I still think you might be special. You might be…”

“A Pain Bearer,” Tav said.

“Yes. Otherwise I just cannot… I cannot explain it any other way. You really say you are feeling better now?”

“I am.” Tav smiled. Then he carefully extended a hand to take Fhedré’s once more. It was a soft and intimate gesture, that right now felt somewhat right. And Fhedre just took his hand. “Can I ask you something somewhat personal?”

“You can most certainly try,” Fhedré said.

“Yesterday… Well, yesterday you asked me about my fantasies. What are yours? I get that you are a sadist. But… What are your fantasies? If you got to do to me whatever you wanted… What would it be?”

He could not help but notice the slight blush on Fhedré’s face. “I guess it is fair for you to ask.”

When he did not go on, Tav asked: “So? Tell me.”

“Well…” They went up the stairs to the second level now. “I do pride myself on a well thought out torture. One that lasts for hours. Very carefully building up the pain in their body, never letting it get to overwhelming. And I do love humiliating who I am working with.” As he reached the top stair, he stopped in his gait. “Well, and then there is that part of me, who just loves taking a man, tying him up, taking some aphrodisiac myself, before fucking the guy until he is bursting with my juices.”

At those words Tav could not help but blush, too. “I would be down for that…”

It was clear that this was not the response that Fhedré had expected, as he looked at Tav with wide eyes now. A gaze so full of surprise, that Tav could not help but laugh.

“Are you joking now?” Fhedré asked.

“No, I am not. I… I mean it. If you want to tie me up and fuck me for two hours, have at it. I would enjoy it.”

“Even if I fucked you in the ass?”

Tav smirked. “I do in fact enjoy that, too.”

“Even though your anatomy…”

“Look, I have no idea on that. All I know is, that I cum easily from some butt-stuff.”

Fhedré considered this, before nodding. “I will keep that in mind.”

By now they had reached the garden, that was so much brighter than the rest of the temple. And smelled so different, too.

It was here, that Fhedré clearly gave into an instinct of his, drawing Tav close, before running one hand over his stomach. “I enjoyed that view yesterday, you know? How you were bulging with the aphrodisiac in your belly.”

“I imagine,” Tav said.

“Though I don’t quite get it. First you say, you don’t like aphrodisiacs. Then you ask for it.”

“I know.” Tav looked at the other man, tempted to press himself against him just bit. He was not quite sure why he was doing this right now – being seductive and all that – but it felt… somewhat right. “It is… I have bad memories associated with it. That’s why I don’t like it. At the same time… As I said, I love feeling helpless and not in control. And that stuff… It makes me feel helpless. So very helpless. It is amazing.”

“I see…” Fhedré hesitated, before pulling Tav over to one of the benches.

It took Tav only a moment to realize, that Fhedré wanted him to sit on his lap. And only one moment more, for him to understand something else, when Fhedré’s hand pushed into the waistband of his trousers and down to his ass.

“Tell me to stop,” Fhedré challenged him, before two of his fingers found their way into Tav’s ass, earning him as gasp.

Now Tav could not stop himself. He wrapped his arms around the other man’s neck, and pressed himself against him. “Continue.” His voice was almost pleading.

Fhedré did. He pushed his fingers further in, before starting to move them, earning him a gasp and a shiver from Tav.

This felt good. It felt good once again. Even without any pain involved. Especially the surprise of it, and the fact that they were in the open. But the movement, too. Fhedré new so clearly exactly what he was doing. Finding those weak points rather easily and exploiting them. Exploiting it, too, that Tav was trying to hold back his moans.

Tav focused on his breathing, as he just allowed himself to enjoy this. To be taken like this.

It did not take long in the end. When he finally came, Tav silenced his moan against the other man’s shoulder.

“You really are sensitive back there,” Fhedré whispered.

“I told you.” Tav chuckled.

“You did.” Fhedré wrapped his arms around Tav right now, in a gesture that was almost too soft for whatever this was supposed to be. He allowed Tav to breathe again.

“Can I ask something else?” Tav whispered.

“You can try.”

“I… How would I know whether you are right? Whether I am really one of the Pain Bearers, I mean.”

Fhedré took a moment to answer. “Well… Normally, you would join the temple. And then over the next three years undergo some training and trials. And it would show.” He was almost hesitant, as he ran his fingers through Tav’s hair. “You have to understand. A lot of the people who do the paintaking and even some of the pain bearing are not Pain Bearers. They simply follow Loviatar. So, even if it turned out I was wrong, you would have a place here, you know? With us.”

Even though it took Tav some self-control to push himself away from Fhedré enough to look the man in the eyes, he did. “But if I wanted to know now. If I… I mean, you said there were trials.”

“There are trials,” Fhedré said. “But those require careful preparation. On your part.” He looked at Tav, so clearly reading his mind right now. “You do not just go in there and take the trial, Tav.”

“But what if I wanted to?”

“Tav. Look. You are sweet. And you really are… you are strangely good at dealing with the pain. Which makes me so sure I am right. But…”

“I managed the paintaking, right?”

“Yes, you did. Barely. Tav. Listen, I am trying to say…”

“I want to do it,” Tav said. “Please. You said… You said I would find a home and some healing in Loviatar’s embrace. And… I know it does not seem to make a lot of sense right now. But… I have not lied before. I feel better today, than I have felt in forever. And I… You said I am special, right?”

“Yes, I did say that. But…”

“Something just tells me that this is, what I have to do.”

 

***

 

There had been something in the High Priestesses eyes, as she had looked at him. Tav had seen it. Some sort of recognition, that he could not make sense of. But it might not matter, because in the end she had agreed.

She was a Pain Bearer, too, Fhedré had said. It had been obvious as well. From those scars over her body.

Fhedré was scarred, yes, but not as much as this woman. That beautiful labyrinth of scars had been almost as if painted onto her skin.

Now, though, it was Fhedré looking at Tav. And Tav hated the expression in those grey eyes.

“Don’t look at me like this,” he said. “I mean… What is the worst that can happen? I cannot bear it and I faint. You will still heal me, right? No harm done. Not really.”

Fhedré sighed, putting a hand onto Tav’s chest. “Something can always break in here. And that is what I am afraid of. I asked you to come here, because… I want to make you better, not worse.”

“You have seen me deal with pain,” Tav said. “How bad can it be?”

“I have seen others who have done the trial before. It can be bad.” Fhedré sighed, before he took the bottle of potion. “You know the affect of this.” He started to pour some of it over Tav’s arm. “Your body will be screaming in pain. And it will not end. Not for a long while.” He started to spread the lotion over the arm, using a glove to protect himself from it. “It is not the priestess conducting the trial. It is going to be Loviatar’s demons. And they do not know any mercy. And they will try to break you.”

“I am not that easily broken,” Tav muttered.

“I know,” Fhedré said. He took Tav’s other arm. “And I am afraid they will see that as a challenge.” Again he spread the lotion, leaving a tingling effect where it was. “And I do not understand why you need to find this out right now.”

“I don’t know,” Tav said. “I just do.”

“Consider the alternative. You join us. Become an acolyte. I will take care of you. I will prepare you. And then, in half a year, when you are ready, you still can take the trial. And I would not have to feel this worried about you.”

Tav managed a smile, before carefully raising his hands to cup Fhedré’s face. “I feel honored that you are worried. I promise you though, they will not break me. I… So many people have tried in the past to break me, and they never succeeded. I can take pain. At some point, my brain just will go all silly for a while, and that is going to be it. Just as it happened with the dragon. It is not going to break me.”

“But why, Tav…?”

Tav sighed. “I… I think mostly it is, that I am just trying to find a place where I feel like I belong. And… I told you. In Baldur’s Gate… I… have a girlfriend. She is the sweetest woman. Kantei. But… She does not understand it. Not any of it. Not the pain, or the nightmares. And I do not want her to understand, you see? Because it is good that she… That she has not been hurt as much as I was. And… I… You are right. That it was good for me to come here. Ever since I have come here, it is the first time something in my life felt alright. And I… I just want a confirmation. That… That there is a place for me here.”

“And I am telling you: No matter the outcome of the trial, there is going to be a place for you here.”

“I know.” Tav closed his eyes, taking another deep breath. “But… I just need to know.”

Chapter 12: Trial of the Hook

Summary:

Tav will not be dismayed from taking the first trial.

Notes:

Okay, this chapter is heavy on the kink stuff - and some of the stuff is CW worthy, I guess.

Kinks: Torture, Piercing with metal, monster fucking, whipping

Tav was naked, as he was led down the staircase. His arms were bound in front of his body, instead of behind of it. All over his skin was tingling because of the lotion making it so very sensitive. Already his breath was tense – especially as he had no idea where they were going. He did not dare to ask about it, either.

They were underneath the lowest level, but somewhere close to the center of the complex. By the time the staircase ended, there was just one simple room, with a marble altar in the middle of it – and a door behind it.

The priestess turned around to him. “This door leads to the inner sanctum,” she said. “He cannot follow.” She nodded towards Fhedré, who had been by Tav’s side all along.

“I know,” Fhedré said. It was so clear from his expression, that he still considered this a mistake. Silently he was begging Tav to call it off – but how could Tav do it? Especially now, that he was already here.

“I am going to be fine.” Tav stepped forward. “I am going to be fine.”

The priestess looked at him for a long moment, smiling. “I like your confidence. Maybe Fhedré is right about you. I have heard some things about you already.”

“Thanks.” Tav tried a smile, though he feared it was showing his nervousness.

At this the priestess turned around, taking a blindfold from the altar. “This is going to rob you of your sight – and your hearing. So that during the trial you can fully focus on your pain and our Lady’s embrace.”

“I understand,” Tav said.

“The demons will keep you in their domain for as long as they decide – either until you faint, or until they decide you have passed the trial.”

This time Tav just nodded. He could feel his heart race again, but it was not even in fear. It was in anticipation. He… He wanted this. He even wanted the pain, that he knew would come, would overwhelm. But he wanted it.

“Tav,” Fhedré tried again, but Tav shook his head.

“This is fine,” he said. “I… I need to find it out.”

“You are either very brave or very foolish,” the priestess said, as she came over to him. “I am interested to find out which one.” With that she bound that blindfold around his head – and it was just as she had said. It was not the simple physical barrier. There was a spell attached to it, taking his sight fully, as well as his hearing. And without it, his world was suddenly reduced to surprisingly little.

He could feel his heart hammer in his chest so much stronger, was so much more aware of the tingling of his skin. Somehow he knew exactly the expression on Fhedré’s face, as the man was undoubtedly still looking at him. But then someone – it would have to be the priestess – tucked on the ropes keeping his hands bound, before dragging him forward.

He walked. After all, there was no going back now. He walked, following the woman for what felt like an eternity, though it was probably just twenty yards or so. He could not tell. All he could tell was, that something in the air around him shifted. His smell had not been taken after all, and he could smell the demons. They smelled of hell.

He could sense them, too. Maybe it was his magic senses that allowed him to. But their aura… It was there. Big, and powerful, and frightening. It was a challenge posed to him. A challenge. And curiosity. Oh, he could sense their curiosity.

Hands were taking his. The priestess, he realized. She was… untying him. Why? He did not understand. Why would he be untied?

Then the priestess let go of his hands and… Well, she probably just left. She had told him, this would be entirely in the domain of the demons. But given his senses were so limited, it was as if she was just suddenly gone. And he was alone. Alone with the demons.

He sensed them circling him. Ready. Ready. Ready to strike. Waiting. Letting him wait. Letting him anticipate. Letting him shake in anticipating.

The pain came so suddenly, that even with everything he had not expected it. Not like this. Not this, especially. Something was borrowing into his right wrist. Through his wrist. Something hard. Something metal. Just right through it. A hook, he realized. A big iron hook.

He screamed, didn’t he? He could not hear his own scream, but he felt it in his throat.

His arm was yanked up on the wrist, just as a second hook caught his left wrist as well. Then he was raised up. His weight hanging from those hooks, the pain so overwhelming, so indescribable. He was squirming, as he was further raised into the air – but just as the priestess had said, there was no mercy to be found. These were demons. Loviatar’s demons.

Something wound itself around his neck. He did not know what. It did not feel like a rope. It felt alive. But it was wound tight, taking his breath, making his head feel like exploding from pressure. He tried to escape. It was an instinct to do so. But he could not. Those hooks were holding him in place. They were holding him up.

It was the weirdest thought that hit him. Had he not been told that the demons would not show mercy? If they suffocated him now, this would not have been a whole lot of pain.

And just as he thought that thought, the pressure disappeared from his throat. Indeed, it seemed suddenly, that the demons were gone. He was alone? He could not be, could he? But he was still hanging from those hooks. Still hanging, his weight entirely based on the hooks through his wrists.

What was happening?

Just what was happening?

Gasping for air he was hanging there, the pain being such a strange thing. Because it was so many pains, that got overwhelmed by the hooks in the end. But there was pain up and down his entire arms. The pain of his weight being held by only them. And the pain of his weight being up by his shoulders, that were not meant to hold it like this.

He focused on his breathing. He focused on his breathing. Just on his breathing, because it was the one thing he could control.

How long? How long was he kept like this?

He could feel blood trickling down his arms from the wounds. These hooks were a lot bigger than those little things Fhedré had used on his nipples and cock. Yeah, these were more like those things Tav had seen on that woman. On that Pain Bearer.

It felt like half an eternity, when suddenly a whip hit him. It was a normal whip. He could tell. Just a normal whip, but on his oh so sensitive skin it felt like a burning blade. Once more he was mostly sure that he screamed, even though his voice was still inaudible to him. And the whip came for him again, hitting his back. Then again. And again. And again. He did stop counting after the first ten strikes, just going back to focusing on his breathing.

A part of him was desperately waiting for the moment that his mind would stop dealing with the pain. He knew it would come. So far it had always come. The moment, when his mind would just stop processing the pain as pain.

So far, though, his pain was all-too real in his mind. It was impossible to ignore. It was screaming through his body. Was flashing through him. Like an onslaught of noise and light on a brain that was blinded and defeaned.

Then, the whipping stopped. Just as suddenly as it had started. It stopped, as he was once more left to hang there, by the hooks in what felt like total darkness.

He knew his back was bleeding from some wounds. And in a way the normal leather whip might have been the crueler choice in this situation. Which the demons possibly knew.

He groaned – or at least he thought that he was.

Breathing was getting harder by now. His chest muscles were hurting. And he could feel the shoulder muscles tiring too. Sooner or later they would give out. He knew it. Then his shoulders would dislocate.

He already knew that by the time the demons were done – one way or another – his shoulders would be dislocated. Another experience he had had before. Not exactly a pleasant experience either. But he would survive.

Yeah. No matter what they did. He would survive. Right?

When the whip entered his reality again, it came from the front. Slashing over his chest and his stomach. And like always it got a stronger reaction, as his instinct was to protect his organs. He tried to pull up his legs and for a moment he did even succeed. But maybe they had been waiting for it. For him to pull his legs up. Maybe he should have guessed what would come. Because what came were two more hooks, relentlessly driven through his ankles now, pulling them down with too much force for him to handle.

Now he knew he was screaming. But in the end they won, and his legs were down and spread apart, while the whip continued to enter his reality. It hit his chest. Again. Again. Again. And he could feel the skin breaking here. Bleeding. There was blood running over his chest now, too.

Before the whipping stopped once more. Leaving him again with just the pain. And the hooks, just as his muscles gave out.

Again there had to be a scream, as his shoulders failed. As they dislocated. It was so much pain, and still his mind would process it.

Maybe Fhedré had been right. And Tav… He had needed to prepare for this. He should’ve prepared for this. Maybe Fhedré really should have been listened to, had Tav not been such a horrible stubborn man. But he always had been stubborn, right?

Well, except when it had come to Kantei. Or rather she had been more stubborn than him. When it had come to settling down in Baldur’s Gate at least. He had not wanted to. But things had been happening out there along the Sword Coast at the very least. They had both seen it. They had both heard the stories. There had been suddenly a lot of people around claiming to be chosen by one of the gods. People with some special power and a tendency to get into trouble. And because those people, there were more demons out there, and more bad gods, because it came always down to the gods and there stupid struggles.

Tav had understood that it had always been about protecting him. Kantei had worried about him. Because he… Well, she was not wrong, of course. He was an idiot at times. And idiot with a tendency to get himself into trouble as well.

It was just… Out there he had had a purpose. And in the city that purpose was gone. And he needed a purpose. He needed it.

Something was there. In front of him now. Something was close. Another demon no doubt.

He had not even an idea what they looked like. He just knew that they were at least fairly tall. It got confirmed to him, too, when the thing in front of him seemed to be able to grip the ropes or chains on which he was suspended and lift them from their current position. The demon rearranged them. Instead of his arms now being spread-eagle, they were both just above his head, while his legs were once more dangling loose, even though his ankles were still impaled.

Then two clawed giant hands gripped him by the hip, moving him. It put more strain on his arms, making him… What? Yell? Howl? Something along those lines. But he still did not understand until he was pulled down. Pushed down, rather. Pushed onto something hard and scaled.

Cock. It was a cock. A demon cock.

And the demon was using him just like a thing, moving his body up and down, as if just a tool for masturbation. And its cock. It was big. It was painful. It was…

A thing. He was being made a thing. A thing that mattered so little, that the demon did not care how those hooks were ripping in his wrist each time he pulled him down.

A thing. He was just a thing, that did not need to think. A silly, senseless, pretty thing. Good for one thing. Good for fucking. And maybe one other thing.

It was that thought that shifted things. That made him realize that he could simply endure. It was just pain, because no matter how scary it was right now, he also knew that there was nothing that could not be taken care of.

Pain could be such a horrible thing – but at the same time beautifully fulfilling.

His body was screaming in pain. In so many kinds of pain. A whole symphony of it. And at the same time he was made a thing to be used by some strange monstrous demon, simply rubbing him over its giant fucking cock.

He allowed it. He allowed for the pain to come. And for the demon to use him. Because it was, why he was here to begin with, right?

A shiver ran through his body. A wonderful shiver. He was almost certain he was moaning now, as the entire sensation of his body shifted. He was still in pain, but it was beautiful now. Beautiful and enticing. Arousing, too. Pleasurable, even.

Wasn’t it strange that only now tears started to well up in his eyes? Now, that it started to strangely feel good? Now, that the pain got somehow turned into ecstasy?

He was still screaming – or thought he was. But he was also almost certain that now this scream of his was animalistic in nature.

He climaxed. He climaxed together with the fucking demon, could feel that thing fill him up. Just as the demon also pressed its flat against his chest, summoning a spell. A spell to burn him, he found out a second later, as this new pain also took him over. And yet, even it was welcome.

The demon pulled out of him, making him feel strangely empty. He knew his entire body was twitching now.

He did not know whether it was the same demon or another one, that now grabbed the chain or roped connected to the hooks in his ankles. He just knew they were pulled up as well. Then he was hung there, his burned chest facing downwards, and with both arms and legs above him now, putting only more strain on his body.

Claws now glid over his back, cutting it. They glid over his ass, too. And his thighs. Cutting not too deep, just enough for it to be painful.

But the chain they hung around his hip was nothing he had seen coming. There was something attached to it. Something heavy. Something putting more strain on his arms and shoulders. Something making it even harder to breathe.

And yet he was shaking not with fear or pain, but with excitement. An excitement that was almost too hard to describe. As he hung there, it was just taking over his body, filling him out with the most amazing feeling.

He wondered what kind of sounds he was making now. And how animalistic they were.

Oh, there was still pain. So much pain. So much wonderful pain. And somehow it almost felt like a caress to him. Like foreplay, really.

He almost knew what was coming, when the demons came close once more. Yes, he knew, what they wanted. Willingly he opened his mouth and took that cock deep into his throat, not caring that it took away his ability to breath. Willingly he let another one push into his cunt again, filling him out and tearing him.

He was here to be used by those demons. Here to take the pain they would give him. He did not even care for what. If it was for Loviatar or just those demons’ enjoyment, he didn’t mind. But there was sense in it. There was a reason. And at least for this moment it felt fulfilling.

The demons indeed showed no mercy. They were rough. Very rough. Rough enough in fact, that he was almost certain something broke or tore in his ankles, as those two beings relentlessly thrusted into him. Maybe something tore inside him, too. Because it hurt so badly. So amazingly.

When they were done with him, he was dripping from their juices. And all they did was put another weight around his hip.

Funny. Because this way he might still faint because he suffocated, rather than from the pain. Because the pain still felt great. Though, if he was honest, so did the lack of air. It gave his mind an entirely separate high.

His body was squirming now. But rather than in an attempt to escape the torture, it was him inviting it in. Inviting those demons to use him further. And when the next demon came to do exactly that, Tav almost felt like laughing.

Good. This felt good. His body was screaming – and he knew it should not be good. But it was never the less. There was a strange caress in this pain. An a strange… reason for him to suffer. It did not feel senseless. It was not like back then, back at the brothel. Because somehow… Somehow this had meaning.

Chapter 13: The Inner Sanctum

Summary:

The trial continues.

Notes:

Yeah, the rest of the trial. Those chapters were originally one, but ended up being put into two, because it felt too long of a chapter otherwise.

Kinks: Bondage, Blood Play, Tentacle Rape, Chocking

When they let Tav down, he did not move. He felt good. He felt so strangely good, but also very powerless. Yet he was very, very willing to do, whatever they wanted him to do next.

That chain around his hip, that had buried itself into the wounds of the whip, was loosened. And he almost wondered if it was over already. Sure, those hooks, they were still buried in his flesh and his bones, but for the moment, there was no longer any pull on them. No longer any weight.

He knew that some of the bones underneath were dislocated in the joints, if not outright broken. But it would be alright. He knew it would be alright. He just laid there, breathing. Another afterquake took over his body, making him squirm just a bit. Maybe he was moaning, too. He still could not hear anything. Not even himself.

It was strange. Maybe he should’ve fainted by now. Maybe he should have. But he strangely enough felt far away from unconsciousness.

Back in that ritual, when he had first met Fhedré, he had been thankful when the unconsciousness had come. It had been after the dragon had fucked him, and upon noticing that he had not fainted during the act, had gone on to put some of its claws into his cunt. Tav had never quite been certain what had happened then. But something there… Something had been so painful, that his mind had finally given out. Maybe just, because he had wanted it.

But right now… The pain was worse. Oh, it was so much worse. But he did not want to stop feeling it. He wanted to further take it in and… He was not sure. Understand it? Was he really thinking it or was it something he knew he should be thinking?

Still… The pain also brought pleasure with it. And it was this mixture of both sensations that allowed his mind this amazing high. In fact, it was so amazing, that he thought he must’ve have given a giddy moan, when someone was pulling him by his wrists again.

Again his arms were spread apart, as he was still lying on the ground. Then his legs as well. They were pulled apart, until the feeling was almost, as if they wanted to pull out arms and legs. But they didn’t. They just somehow fixed those chains – it was probably chains, not rope – in place, making it once more impossible for him to move.

He wondered, what would come next. Another whipping maybe? Or would someone burn him again?

He just laid there, sprawled out. He could feel how heavy his chest was rising and falling with each breath. Still, he jerked, when he could feel the ground underneath of him come alive. And maybe because he was already in pain and exhausted, maybe because of something else, he did not realize what was happening at first. He did not recognize the feeling, as something wet and cold started wrapping itself around his arms, his legs, and his chest.

Some instinct in him reminded him to have fear – but then he knew better. Because nothing… Nothing would really happen. He was made to feel pain, to honor Loviatar. He was not made to die, not to be seriously harmed.

Yet, something in him tensed, when that thing pushed into his mouth. When it pushed into him and it took him still too long to recognize the sensation. Because he knew it. It was similar to those tentacles that Viola would summon. And just like Viola, there was no mercy to be found. That thing pushed deep, deep, deep into his throat, making him try and throw his head to the side, only to find it painful and restrained. It filled his throat, taking his breath away, and moving. Moving in deeper. As if it was there to push down into his stomach.

Then those things from his legs came up as well. And they pushed into him. Into each of his holes. His ass, his cunt, even his urethra. A feeling that was so wrong. So very wrong, that it made him shiver. But those things did not mind that.

They were brutal. Just like he knew them to be. They were brutal, pushing in further and further. He could feel it. He could feel it quite well. Because they pushed in deeper, than any cock could. They were flexible, maybe even sentient in a way. They pushed into him and into him, making him feel as if his entire insides were alive.

A feeling that was wrong. So wrong. And they way they stretched his insides was painful. It felt like they were tearing him apart from the inside.

He was trying to breath, gasping for air, and yet could breathe in so little, while the thing in his throat was further pushing down. He was retching as well, and yet could not get it loose. Of course not. Because it had a will on its own.

He kinda knew that if he could see anything right now, he would see the tentacles alive on his inside. He would see them move through the skin of his belly.

It was wrong. It was wrong. So wrong.

The thing in his cunt was seemingly tearing it apart, too. He knew it by now. The way those tentacles would try to bury themselves into his cervix and even deeper, too. Where nothing from the outside was ever meant to go. Where it would be painful even when something that was meant to be there wanted to go out.

He tried to squirm, but other than when Viola was summoning those things with her spell, these seemed to be alive and they seemed to be everywhere. Not only were his arms and legs already torn apart, now those tentacles were so firmly wrapped around them, that it seemed they would break his bones. He could not move an inch. He was meant to be consumed by those things. Meant to be taken by them. Fully. Wholly.

There was no room on his inside anymore. They were taking him up. Fully up. They were taking him and then… Then there was yet another peak of pleasure. Another climax, that took him. Making him shake even harder.

But of course, the tentacles did not let up because of it. They buried further into him. Further, and further. Filling him out so completely. Tearing him apart. And yet also overwriting his senses in the strangest of ways.

Again he tried to squirm. He had no control over his body. He was simply squirming. Or trying to. While was consumed inside and out.

There was pain. New pain. He could not even name it. And at the same time new pleasure.

Things on the sides of the tentacles wrapping him up from the outside were cutting his skin – and he could even tell, whether the same was happening on the inside of him too. He just knew that he was being taken. That he was being taken and yet that pleasure would come too.

Breathe. He needed to breathe and yet could not. He needed to. But somehow he would still not faint from the lack of air.

Instead he would be trembling, as another quake was shaking his body. Was overwhelming him.

More tears were soaking into that blindfold that was so effectively taking his senses. Because he was being consumed. He would be fully consumed by this.

But maybe… Maybe that would be alright as well. Maybe it would be alright for him to be consumed by a goddess. Even if it was supposedly an evil one. Or maybe she wasn’t. Maybe it was indeed so, that her pain was meant as something to help people. Or that at the very least she understood, how only some people could take the pain she dealt out.

Maybe he was simply one of the people who could. Who could not only bear it, but might even find something else in it. Something… Something better, maybe. Not just pleasure. But really, meaning. A sense of belonging. Something like this.

Yes, maybe that was it.

At least right now it made sense.

And somehow, when he drew in another greedy breath, the air seemed to come just a bit easier. Maybe just because he started to relax into what was happening to him. No longer fighting back, rather than just allowing those tentacles to ravage him.

They were brutal and merciless, but as he gave in, they also seemed to know exactly, what his body needed. Seemed to know all those spots that he had even not known himself. And when he relaxed, they would almost gently caress them, not erasing the pain, but enriching it.

Yes, like a caress. Like a soft caress, taking care of him as he was lying there. Almost torn apart. Almost.

How long did it last? He could not say. It felt like hours, but maybe it had been nothing but twenty minutes. Still, even without hearing himself, he knew he was gasping for air and panting, as that thing finally pulled out of his throat.

But he was relaxed. He just laid there. Panting, yes. But he laid there. Breathing. Waiting, while it seemed that those tentacles just disappeared.

He could taste at least some blood in his mouth. And for a moment he wondered, whether he still had a voice. But that did not matter right now.

He was ready, for whatever would happen next. He just would endure it as well. He would endure and find… some meaning.

But for a long time nothing happened. Then the tension was taken from the chains holding him. Someone was kneeling next to him. One of the demons, by the smell of it. And yet, it was that demon that removed the hooks in the end. First from his ankles. Then from his wrists.

It did not allow Tav to move again. No. His body right now was too broken for any of that. He probably even whimpered, as beclawed hands picked him up and caried him. He did not know where. He did not care. He just laid there. Breathing. Mostly he was focusing on breathing.

For how far was he carried? He could not say. He simply could not.

All he knew was, that the room he was brought to seemed just a bit colder, now that his skin was wet with sweat and probably also blood. In the end he was put down on a cold hard surface. And he was left there. Undisturbed.

Well, at least that was, what he thought, but then someone touched him. It was soft touch, though it never the less made him jerk.

He jerked even more, as someone pulled the blindfold from his eyes, with all those sensations – light and noise – suddenly streaming back into his consciousness.

He groaned. He had never known silence to be this loud. It was overwhelming. So many noises. The noises his own body was making. The breath of the man looking at him. The little noises the man’s clothing made.

And the light. The light of those candles filling the room. Not much. But so bright. Right now it was so bright.

“I am sorry,” Fhedré whispered, as he realized what he had done. He got out something – a towel, maybe – putting it over Tav’s eyes. “I am sorry…” He caressed Tav’s cheek. “I am sorry, I did not know… I thought you had fainted, at the very least. That you were…”

Tav tried to respond something. He honestly tried. He gasped for air once more, and found his throat painful, when he just tried to make a noise.

He tried again never the less, the humming sound he created through it grading in his own mind.

But Fhedré seemed to understand the issue. A warm hand pressed against Tav’s throat, and a moment later he could feel the warm energy of the healing making seep into it. Something that took a while – a few minutes at the very least – but it allowed him a moment to reorient himself.

Over. The trial was over, wasn’t it?

And he was… conscious. He was still conscious.

As Fhedré was healing him, there was something of a voice returning to him. Something of a voice as he finally managed: “I am alive.” Though his voice was still but a whisper.

He had no idea whether the priestess had been there in this room the entire time, or might even had watched the trial. All he knew was, that he heard her voice a moment later. “He has passed the trial.”

“He has?” Fhedré whispered. Once more he caressed Tav’s cheek, before carefully taking away the towel once more. “Is this alright now?”

Tav squinted at the man. It was strange how unfamiliar “seeing” almost felt now. Even though… Well, he was not sure. “How long?” he managed.

“In there?” Fhedré asked. Then he paused. “About two hours. You were in there for about two hours.”

“Huh.” Tav could not think of anything intelligent to say.

Somehow this silly answer got Fhedré to chuckle though, as he once more cupped Tav’s face with such relief showing on his own. Then however he did something, that Tav had not quite expected. Maybe had expected less than anything else, as suddenly, Fhedré pressed his lips against Tav’s own. A soft kiss. A kiss speaking of relief. But also a kiss more tender than most things Tav had experienced in a while.

For a moment Tav went stiff. But then… Then it seemed once more that the entire world just shifted somehow. Because… This, too, made sense. It made strangely so much sense. And as the world shifted, Tav could not help but return that kiss.

He would have loved to wrap his arms around the man’s broad neck, though sadly this he seemed to not be capable of as neither of his limbs wanted to listen to anything his mind was ordering them to. Still, at least his lips were reacting. And it felt good. Oh, this kiss… it felt good. So good.

As their lips parted, Fhedré was smiling. He so carefully held Tav’s head firm, pressing his forehead against Tav’s own.

And Tav noticed that he himself was smiling too. Yeah, he was smiling as well. Even though he could no longer bear to hold open his eyes.

He still listened though, as Fhedré stood up properly again. “I am going to take him to be healed.”

“Of course,” the priestess said – and Tav was almost certain he could hear amusement in her voice. “That might be for the best.”

Even though Fhedré was careful, Tav was still giving a pained groan when the other man lifted him up.

“I am sorry,” Fhedré whispered, but Tav shook his head.

He was smiling. “Weirdly enough… I am alright.”

Chapter 14: His Tender Touch

Summary:

Fhedré takes care of Tav's injuries.

Notes:

While this chapter has sex, there is not a whole lot of kink going on. This is a lot more sweeter, if not saccerine.

Frankly, Tav was not entirely sure where they were going. He just knew he felt surprisingly good right now. Surprisingly safe. Which was ironic, as his entire body should still be screaming with pain. The wounds had not been healed, so he should be hurting. He should be, but right now the pain felt mostly unreal.

Fhedré was so careful, as he was carrying him. So careful… Tav leaned his forehead against the man’s chest, knowing he would probably spread his own blood over the man’s skin. But he was certain, that Fhedré didn’t mind. No, he would not mind a bit of blood.

Tav was not even sure, why he had not fainted. Why he did not faint. He felt tired. He felt light headed. But somehow he was able to hold on.

“You,” he heard Fhedré address someone. “Bring some food to my chamber.”

“Oh, uhm,” that someone answered. “Yes, of course, saer.” Then steps ran away along the corridor.

“Your chamber?” Tav asked, his voice barely more than a whisper.

“Yes,” Fhedré said. “I am going to take care of your wounds.”

When Tav squinted, he was almost sure to see Fhedré smile at him. A soft smile. A gentle smile. It felt… Good. It felt good to see that smile.

He was not quite sure how long it took. But in the end, they entered a room.

“Are you still awake?” Fhedré asked.

“I am.” Tav managed to squint again. He could not help a light moan, as Fhedré carefully put him down onto something soft. A bed, he realized. “I’m… I’m gonna bleed all over it…”

“That doesn’t matter,” Fhedré said. He caressed Tav’s cheek, brushing away some of the loose strands of hair, that had freed themselves from his queue. Then he moved away from Tav, going over to… Tav could not really see. His vision was too blurry.

He could hear some water a moment later though, could hear how Fhedré was moving that water around.

Tav decided, he would not do much. He would just let Fhedré work and do whatever he wanted to do.

Not too long after, Fhedré was by his side again. Only when the cloth touched Tav’s skin, did he realize, that Fhedré was washing him. He was careful about it, too. The cloth was soaked with warm water, as it ran over Tav’s skin. Washing away the blood. It burned a bit in the open wounds, especially as Fhedré started to clean them out properly, but Tav could not find it in himself to complain. A few times a pained moan came over his lips, but that was all.

“I am sorry,” Fhedré whispered. “But I need to make sure the wounds are clean before I heal them.”

“It’s alright.” Tav did not open his eyes. “It’s alright.”

He had no idea how long it took. After a while, Fhedré placed his hand onto Tav’s chest and Tav could feel the warm energy flood into his body. He could feel the wounds on his chest close up. Then Fhedré continued to clean the wounds on his legs, setting the broken bones in his feet, too. It was a slow process, but it was not as if Tav had any desire to go elsewhere.

He just laid there, on what he assumed was Fhedré’s bed.

After a while someone knocked on the door.

“Yes?” Fhedré said.

The door was opened, and someone came in. “Uhm. You asked for food to be brought here.”

“Yes. Put it down on the table.”

“I will.”

Tav could hear how something was indeed put down, before the steps left the room once more.

“Are you still awake?” Fhedré asked.

“I am.” Tav took a deep breath. “I am.”

He could hear the smile from Fhedré’s voice. “You are truly amazing.”

Even Tav could not help it but smile as well. He just let Fhedré do his work. Bit by bit. Turning Tav over, too. He relocated Tav’s shoulders. Then he healed the wounds on the back. It was probably a good hour until he was done.

“Now I want you to eat,” Fhedré said. “Do you think you can manage?”

Tav breathed deeply again. Then he opened his eyes. “I think… I think I’ll manage.” He still felt lightheaded. No doubt, because he had lost quite a bit of blood. His head was feeling dizzy, but somehow he managed to sit up.

Indeed, the bedlinen was now red with his own blood. But he guessed he should not be surprised over it.

He looked at Fhedré. “Thank you.”

Fhedré shook his head. He went over to the table to get that bowl of stew that had been brought in. “Do not mention it. I promised you, I will make sure that you will not come to any long term harm, didn’t I?”

Tav hesitated, but then he nodded. “You did.”

“And I do not intent to break the promise.” Fhedré sat down on the side of the bed next to Tav. Once more he reached out to caress Tav’s cheek, smiling as he did so. “You are amazing. You truly are.” He sighed. “Now, open up.”

Tav almost chuckled, but did not in the end. He just allowed it. He allowed for Fhedré to feed him. In a way it was almost relaxing. To not have to take care of anything of his own. Bit by bit, Fhedré put spoons of the hearty stew into his mouth, leaving Tav only to chew and swallow. Fhedré was careful to not give him too much at once.

After a while, as sitting became too exhausting, Tav leaned against Fhedré, and Fhedré just let him, putting one arm around Tav.

It was nice. Warm. It felt safe like this. Yes, truly safe.

“How are you feeling now?” Fhedré asked, as the bowl was finished.

“A bit better.”

“That’s good,” Fhedré said. “I want you to soak in the bathtub a bit for a while. What do you think?”

“That… sounds good,” Tav answered.

He only noticed the tub now. It was filled with steaming water. Probably water that had been summoned by magic. Tav knew that some clerics were able to do such a feat.

Fhedré supported him, as he made his way over to the tub. The man was careful, as he sat Tav down in the rather small wooden tub. “There is still a bit of blood in your hair,” he said. “We are going to wash that out in a moment. But I will first put on a fresh bed linen, if that’s okay with you.”

“Yeah,” Tav whispered. “That’s fine.”

The hot water as nice to soak in. Though Tav’s mind was only slow in catching up with the fact that his body was truly healed.

It was no wonder that he felt as exhausted as he did. He had lost a lot of blood and even though healing did help, it also took a lot out of his own energy. And yet… as he had been there at the heart of the temple, as he had gone through the trial… The pain had felt almost sweet. It had felt good – freeing in a way. It did not make a lot of sense. Or maybe it did. Yes, in a weird way it started to make sense. He started to understand the relief that pain would bring.

He watched Fhedré, as the man removed the bloodied bedlinen, to replace it with a clean one.

He had kissed him. He had kissed Tav, as Tav had been brought back. Tav wasn’t quite sure why, but in a way… When Fhedré had kissed him, his heart had beaten even stronger. Slowly, but surely he was sure of one thing. Fhedré truly did not want him any harm. Not real harm, that was. He wanted a thing that was good for Tav – or at least a thing that he thought would be good. He had been so good to him. So nice. And he would take care of Tav. Yes, Tav was sure he would.

“There,” Fhedré said, as the bed was made properly again. He went over to the tub, kneeling down next to Tav. “How are you?”

“Good,” Tav said.

Fhedré’s hand glid now over Tav’s upper arm in a gentle, comforting gesture. “Alright. Then let’s get you washed properly.”

Already the water in the tub was lightly red with droplets of blood that had come loose from the not fully clean skin. But Tav didn’t mind. He closed his eyes, as Fhedré took a small bowl to pour water over his head. He kept them closed, as Fhedré went to wash him with a rather herby smelling soap.

“Did you do it?” he asked, while Fhedré was still washing him.

“What?”

“The trial. Did you do it?”

A sigh came over Fhedré’s lips. “I tried it three times. I fainted each time. As I said, you are amazing. It is as if you have been made for this. Maybe you have been. I don’t know.” His fingers were so gentle, as they touched Tav. “But you are truly… truly amazing.”

Tav considered this for a moment. “Can I… Can I ask you something else?”

“Of course.”

“Why did you kiss me, down there?”

Fhedré sighed. “It was just a momentary passion. I… I don’t know. As I saw you like this, so beaten, but not broken… It was primal desire. I am sorry, if I overstepped any…”

“Are you desiring me now as well?” Tav asked.

For a long moment, Fhedré was silent, but then he closed his eyes. “I do. There is something about you, that I find hard to resist.”

There it was again. This strong beat of Tav’s heart. He felt somewhat guilty, knowing that over there in Baldur’s Gate – however far he was from there right now – Kantei had no idea what was happening in the moment. And yet… This desire was not a one sided thing. “Would you like to kiss me again?”

Fhedré stopped in what he was doing. He hesitated, before moving around the tub a bit. With one hand, he once more caressed Tav’s cheek, before pushing his fingers underneath Tav’s chin. Indeed. Tav could see it now. That deep desire in Fhedré’s eyes. A soft yearning, but a strong one.

Then Fhedré pressed his lips against Tav’s, and Tav just gave in. He allowed that kiss to turn passionate, almost desperate. He wrapped his arms around Fhedré’s neck, and maybe Fhedré understood. Carefully he pushed his arms underneath Tav’s body, lifting him out of the tub.

“I knew, you were special,” he whispered, as he caried Tav over to the bed. “You are special. You are…” He kissed him again.

“I want you,” Tav breathed. As the other man put him down on the bed, Tav skuttled further onto it.

Maybe there was some desperation in his desire right now. But he wanted to feel this man close. He wanted to feel him as close as it was possible.

Fhedré was still standing by the side of the bed, watching him. His eyes were almost burning with desire right now. He seemed to consider this, but in the end, he let his trousers down to follow Tav onto the bed.

There was a gentleness in how he caressed Tav. It was not like the other times. Because this time his touch was simply soft as he took in Tav’s body. He kissed Tav’s cheek, his neck, his chest. He let his lips wander over the scars underneath Tav’s chest, and each little touch made Tav’s body tingle with desire. Oh, he really, really wanted this right now. He needed it like he needed water and air to survive.

He took Fhedré’s hand, guiding it to his already wet folds. Then he looked at Fhedré, hoping the man could feel his yearning.

“Tav,” Fhedré whispered. Once more he kissed Tav’s lips. “Oh, Tav…” He changed his position, guiding his cock between Tav’s folds.

Tav moaned, as he could feel the other man push into him. He wrapped his arms around Fhedré’s neck, as he just wanted to feel him close. He wanted to feel that warmth. And maybe Fhedré understood this quite well. It felt like it.

He made sure to hold Tav close, as he started to thrust into him. And it felt good. It felt amazing still. The soft pleasure already flooding Tav’s mind. It was a good feeling. An amazing feeling. Because he felt safe. And because he felt warm. And right now – maybe – he needed nothing else. All he needed was for Fhedré to fill him out, while whispering his name.

It had been a while since Tav had been with another man like this. In a soft embrace. Something that had more connection than just mindless sex. Something that felt this warm.

“Fhedré…” he whispered, as he closed his eyes.

The pleasure was already overtaking him, was already filling him out. He moaned and whimpered, as Fhedré’s rhythm became a bit more erratic.

“Fhedré,” he breathed again, moving his hips to meet those of the other man. “Please… Say my name.”

Fhedré pressed a kiss onto Tav’s lips, before whispering: “Tav. Tav…”

Their foreheads touched. Their breaths mixed. Slowly the pleasure overtook all other senses, filling them both out.

They moaned together, and Tav could feel those little twitches running through Fhedré’s body telling him, that the man was close to his climax. Tav just gave into his own desires, allowing the ecstasy to take over. There was no need to think about anything right now. Just feel. Feel this wonderful lightness that the ecstasy would bring.

By the end of it, Fhedré kissed him again. Such a soft kiss…

“Stay with me tonight,” Fhedré whispered, as he carefully laid down next to Tav.

Tav chuckled, as he rolled onto his side to cuddle up to Fhedré. “I will.” He gave a content sigh. “Hold me.”

Fhedré did not have to be asked twice to do this. He pulled him as close as he could manage, before pulling the blanket over the two of them.

Tav loved this feeling. He loved being held like this. He loved also the heat that came with the pleasure and how it slowly seeped out of his body afterwards. He loved, too, how he could hear Fhedré’s heartbeat.

By now Tav had to admit, he had been wrong about this man. Whenever Fhedré had asked about him, it had not been an attempt to manipulate him. No, it had been a form of genuine worry. A genuine attempt to understand him.

Tav did not know why. Why him out of all people? But… It did not change the fact that right now he felt safe with him. Safer maybe, than he had felt in a while.

He hesitated. Truthfully, he was exhausted after everything today. And yet, he felt almost as if he needed to talk about it now.

He paused, before whispering: “You… You asked what… What happened to me before.”

Fhedré moved just a little. “I did.”

“Do you still… Do you still want to know?”

“I do,” Fhedré replied. “I want to know more about you. I want to understand you better.” His fingers once more caressed Tav’s hair. “I care about you. I truly do.”

Tav closed his eyes. He breathed in Fhedré’s smell, as he tried to sort his thoughts. “I… The truth is… I was taken when I was… six or seven. Back then… I lived in a village East of Waterdeep with my parents. But one day, there was a large band of goblins. They… They raided the village. I think they killed my parents. I don’t know. All I know is… they took me. And they… I… I ended up being brought to Waterdeep. To… Well, I think it was the Thieves’ Guild. I don’t really know. All I know is that they sold me. At an auction. As… As a slave.” His mouth felt dry as he remembered that day. How afraid he had been. Oh, he had been so dreadfully afraid.

Fhedré did not reply anything. He seemed to be determined to let Tav talk.

“The woman who bought me… I do not know her name to this day. I only knew her as the Misses. But she… She had… She had this special kind of brothel. Where she sold of the services of… Well, of kids among others. Like me.” He still remembered that place. The smell of parfums and musk and alcohol filling the rooms.

“Tav…” Fhedré seemed unsure how to react. In the end he just continued to caress him.

“I… I was there for maybe seven or eight months. Until… Until she auctioned off my virginity. To just some random guy. And I… That night I was so sure, I would die. It hurt… so much. And… I mean… Things like my cunt or my ass… They stretch, sure. But I was a kid. And I was so small. And things… They would just hurt.”

Once more Fhedré was silent.

“If you did not comply… Well, if one of us did not comply with what the Misses would want, she would punish us. At times just with spankings or with not allowing us to eat. But if we made her really angry, we would get the tree. She… She would tie us up against it. And then whip us with a belt. And then leave us out there for a whole night.” Tav felt a shiver go through his own body. “I was… I don’t know. I was there for a year and half maybe when I first got the tree. I… There was this guy. A human. But he… He was big like you. In… every way. And his cock… When I saw his cock, I hid from him. And she punished me for it… I made the mistake that day, to not give her want she wanted. I did not cry as she whipped me. And because of that, she decided I deserved other types of punishment.” He had not cried back then, he had tried to be stubborn. But now that he remembered it, there were some tears in his eyes.

“But you got away in the end, right?”

“Yeah,” Tav whispered. “In the end… In the end I got away.”

“How… How long where you there?”

“Eight years. I was at that place for eight years. In the end… There was this girl who got there. One that would not be broken. She tried to run away so many times. And in the end, the Misses wanted to brand her. I don’t know what got into me that day. But… I got between her and the guard doing the branding. That’s… That’s how I got my scars. Well, the one on the face and the one on my hand that is.”

“And then?”

“I… I did not think. I kicked over the bowl with the coals in it. And I think I started a fire. All I knew was, that I took Jevka and ran. Two of the others followed us. We ran. And then we hid in some wagon. And… It was more luck than anything else. The wagon belonged to a circus. And the people there… They hid us. They kept us safe. And brought us out of the city.”

Gently, but firmly Fhedré pushed Tav away just enough that he could look at Tav’s face. He wiped away the tears on Tav’s cheek, before kissing his forehead. There was something in his grey eyes, that Tav could not quite name. A softness, but a pain as well. “I am sorry, that you had to go to all that.”

Tav sighed, evading that gaze. “It… cannot be changed now.”

“It cannot,” Fhedré agreed. “I… It is nothing that anyone should be put through. Let alone a child.”

“I still… I dream of that place so often. I have those nightmares. Where I am tied down, while people want to touch me, want to devour me. Some want to hurt me. And I…” Tav paused. “It was alright when we were out on the road, you know? But since we have settled down… I… I just want to forget all of it.”

“Don’t,” Fhedré whispered.

Tav looked at him. “What?”

“Don’t forget it.” Once more Fhedré kissed his forehead. “I… I understand hurt. I understand it.” He took Tav’s hand – the right one, kissing the burn scar on the back. “But… That pain made you, who you are today. And… I know it does not feel like it right now. But it made you strong.” He kissed the back of Tav’s hand again. “It is a part of you. And it can be a source for your strength if you just let it be.”

“If I just let it be?”

“Yes,” Fhedré said. He was holding that hand so gently in his own. “You just need to learn to control it.” Now he kissed Tav’s knuckles. “I told you before. Pain is a blessing given to us by our goddess. Even if it at times does not feel like it. But if you harness it, you can grow strength from it. And you can… You can be someone truly special.” Then he looked at Tav. “You already are.”

Tav sighed, closing his eyes once more. “Harness it?”

“Yes. Control it. I can show you. I promise.”

Chapter 15: A Lingering Pain

Summary:

Tav tells Fhedré about some of the things that happened to him, when he had been a child.

Notes:

Content Warning: This chapter features Tav recalling some of the (often sexual and violent) abuse he has experienced as a child. While nothing is explicit, just be warned that these topics are discussed.

Tav recognized this place. It was nothing but a distant, very distant memory. But he recognized it. The village in which he had grown up – for the first six or so years of his life, that was. Back, when his life had still been alright. Before everything had gone to the hells.

It seemed too peaceful. There were no goblins here. Not now. There were just people going about their usual business. Tending to their farms and everything.

Nobody paid him any mind. Nobody recognized him either.

A part of him slowly realized that this was a dream. Another dream. Would it, too, turn into a nightmare?

In reality, he had never returned to this place. During his travels – after leaving the circus – he had been tempted several times to try. Because maybe, just maybe, there was a chance that his parents were still alive. His entire childhood he had told himself, that they had to have died, because otherwise they would have saved him. But his father had been a simple smith. Not a fighter. Even if he might have tried… Chances were, that he just had been unable to find Tav again, once he had vanished into the underworld of Waterdeep.

Maybe these parents were still alive, were still waiting for him to return. And yet he had never done it. Because he was afraid. Afraid of so many things.

When his parents had last seen him, he had been their daughter, not their son. Maybe they would not even recognize him. Maybe they did not want a son to begin with. Or maybe they had just started anew, had gotten other kids, a new family. And he would just be in the way. He would just return to find that it was another place, where he did not belong.

And yet, in this dream his feet carried him back to that small home with the forge attached to it. He remembered it so well. For a long moment he just stood there in front of it. He stood there, considering. How long? It was hard to say. But at some point he gave himself a push, opening that door.

“Mother? Father?” he yelled into the house. “Are you… Is anyone there?”

He found the home quiet. Quiet and empty. It did not feel abandoned, but it did not feel quite occupied either. Of course not. How could he dare to hope?

He walked into it, finding the smell of the place so strangely familiar. Yes, he knew that kitchen. He knew that fireplace. He knew…

He frowned.

He did not know that woman.

“Who are you?” he asked, looking at her.

She was sitting in front of the fireplace, tuning her lute. A halfling woman with dark skin, but bright green eyes.

Her smile was soft and warm, as she looked at him. And those green eyes were sparkling with an otherworldly nature. “You are a hard man to contact,” she noted. “I have been trying for so long and somehow your mind always evades me.”

Instinctively he took a step back. “This is a dream.”

“It is,” she confirmed. “Because getting to you in reality is even harder it turns out. Especially after Ao…” She shook her head. “I am here to help.”

“To help?”

“Yes, Tav. You are in danger right now. And it might be partly my fault. Because I never properly prepared you for any of this.” She put her lute to the side, getting up to go over to him. “Do you remember me?”

He looked at her. At those find, dark-skinned features, at the sparkling eyes. Something about it felt familiar. But if it was, it was buried in very distant memories. Nothing he could actually recall.

He shook his head. “I don’t know you.”

“I assumed you wouldn’t,” she whispered and sighed. “Listen, Tav. Right now you are…”

There was a scream coming from the outside. A scream, that sounded otherworldly. That did not belong into this place or anything connected to it.

The halfling groaned in frustration. “Not now!”

“What is happening?” Tav asked.

“She has noticed me and now she is…” Then the world suddenly fell apart.

 

***

 

Tav only slowly woke from his sleep. Admittedly he was feeling just a bit sore this morning, but that was not much of a surprise after yesterday’s trial. It had been just a bit too many wounds and healing them all had taken from his body. He still felt good mentally though. Especially as he noticed that other warm body next to his own.

He squinted, finding Fhedré lying there, his eyes already open. Fhedré’s hand was hovering lightly over Tav’s hair, as if he wanted to stroke it but did not dare in fear of waking him up. It was this hesitation that made Tav smile.

“Good morning,” he whispered, skuttling up to Fhedré once more.

“Are you finally awake, sleepyhead?” Fhedré put an arm around him once more, before pressing a kiss against his forehead.

“Somewhat.” Tav nestled up against the other man. “Why?”

“It is already past nine. You were awake much earlier during those last days,” Fhedré said. “But it is okay. You had a very exhausting day yesterday.”

“Hmm.” Tav closed his eyes. “I had, right?”

Fhedré chuckled. “Do you want breakfast?”

“Not… quite yet,” Tav whispered. “I am not quite ready to leave bed, I think.”

“I could get you some.”

“Tempting.” Tav drew in the man’s smell, as he cuddled up to him. “But… I also kinda want to cuddle.”

“I guess it cannot be helped then,” Fhedré said. Now he no longer held back, running his fingers through Tav’s hair.

“Don’t you… Am I stopping you from performing your duties?” Tav asked.

“No. Don’t worry. I have taken the day off for you. I am going to pamper you today.” Fhedré pressed a kiss against Tav’s forehead. “You deserve it.”

“I do?”

“Yes, Tav. You do.”

Tav considered this, before finding himself smile. “I think I would like being pampered.”

“I bet you would. So, what shall it be first?”

“Cuddles,” Tav whispered. “Just… hold me close for a while.”

“I can do that.” Fhedré now wrapped his arms around Tav, pulling him close. More than that, he allowed Tav to bed his head against Fhedré’s chest.

It had been a while since Tav had been held like this. Especially by someone like Fhedré. A big, strong man, who at least subjectively felt so very safe. It allowed him this feeling that… He could be weak. With Fhedré he could be weak and still would be held like this.

It was something that Tav never quite dared with Kantei. Because he had to be the one to hold her, right? It was simply how this was supposed to go. He had to be the strong one and… Well, she still did not have to feel his pain. He did not want that.

He hesitated. Still, after a long while of just lying there with this other man, he dared to speak. “You said… I needed to take control over the pain. That I could control it. The pain from… from back then, I mean. How?”

Fhedré let go of him, just so that he could switch his position and look Tav in the eyes. With the same gesture that had gotten almost familiar over those last few days, he caressed Tav’s cheek. “By taking control of the memories, rather than letting them control you.”

“Easier said than done…”

“I know,” Fhedré said. “But I know you can do it. You are strong.” Once more he pressed a kiss against Tav’s forehead. “You are so strong, Tav. You can do it.”

Tav had to force himself to hold Fhedré’s gaze. “You know. Someone… Someone else once told me that. The same thing. That I… He told me I should talk about those memories, because if I did not talk about it and control them through it, they would control me.”

“That person was right. Who was he?”

“His name… He was Minvel. An old dragonborn who worked at the circus. You know, where they took us in, after we escaped. I did not like him at the beginning. He was so rough and came across as unfriendly and… Well, I did not like dragonborn in general. But he… He listened to us. Even in the middle of the night, when we woke up from those nightmares. He would be there. And just… listen.”

“Sometimes that is really all you need,” Fhedré replied. Again he ran his fingers over Tav’s cheek. “And you can talk to me now. I will listen. And you can wake me in the middle of the night. I don’t mind.”

Tav drew a shaky breath. “The truth is, that I do not like to talk about it. Because… People never know how to react. And they will pity me. And I… I don’t want that pity to be what defines me in their eyes. I… I don’t want to be defined by all of this shit.”

“I get that,” Fhedré said. “I promise you, that no matter what you tell me… I will first and foremost see you as an amazingly strong person. Someone who survived. All of it. You survived.” Another kiss was pressed against Tav’s forehead.

Again Tav just nestled up against the other man, while considering those words.

In a way, he knew that Fhedré was right. Because he knew that back at the circus… Talking to Minvel had helped. It had made things not good, but just a bit more bearable. And ever since he had never talked to anyone about it like that. Not even Kantei. Because she… She just did not need to know how depraved people could be. No.

But Fhedré already knew, right? He knew and still…

“I… The reason I can fit so much in my cunt is, that… I… I kinda just had to learn to,” he finally whispered. “I mean… The kind of people who came to that place. I don’t know what it is with them. They saw a small cunt or ass – because we were kids, for fuck’s sake – and just somehow thought to themselves: ‘Wonder what I can fit in there.’”

Fhedré did not reply anything. He just listened, while continuing to softly caress Tav’s cheek.

“And… I mean… I mean, when the Misses sold off my virginity… I was like… Maybe seven years old, I think. And… Like… My anatomy was not meant to do stuff like that at that age. Not to fit… anything there, really. And when that first guy fucked me… It felt like his fucking cock was ripping me apart. I bled so badly after it. But… They just gave me a potion. To heal the damage. And the next day I was expected to work like everyone else.” Tav could sense how his voice was close to breaking, becoming more and more high pitched.

It got Fhedré to lean forward and kiss him once more. Though he did not say anything.

“And then there was this fucking asshole named Owen. He was another human, you know? He… His anatomy was kinda similar to you. I mean… He… He had a really big cock. Like really big. And he loved to press it all into one of us. Especially the smaller ones.” Tav shivered as he remembered it. “The first time he came to buy my services… I was eight, I think. And he stripped, and I saw his cock and I just knew I could not take it. So I darted right out of that room and found a corner to hide in. That was when the Misses first put me up against the tree. And where I made that mistake… To not cry. I… I did not want to give her that satisfaction. I just took that punishment. And when Owen tried to buy me again… I once more did not… I did not take it. So… The Misses thought of better ways to punish me.”

There was an open question in the silence, but Fhedré did not push. He just pressed another kiss onto Tav’s forehead, while continuing to caress his cheek.

In the end Tav found the courage to continue on. “She… She had two of the guards tie me down. And then she gave me that whole talk on how I was stretchable and how she would show me. And then she took a pear and put it in, put it wide. And then… She left me alone there, with that thing. For hours. And it hurt so much. So much. Because… Because… I mean, nobody makes torture instruments child sized, do they? When… When she finally took it out and allowed me to go, I was bleeding really badly again. And she would not even allow me a potion. She said, I needed that pain to learn… To let it sink in. She… She did not allow me to get healed for three days, until I started to develop a fever.” He had been so sure he would die that day as well. He had been sure of that a surprisingly great number of times. He never had though. He had always pulled through. He had always survived.

Fhedré was gentle, as he wiped away the tears now forming in Tav’s eyes. “That is not how you learn from pain. That is just… senseless cruelty.”

Tav did not know what to reply. So instead he continued. “Afterwards I decided that I… needed to learn how to just… take things. How to become more flexible down there. And I… I trained myself. To get control over… over my fucking cunt.”

“When you were a kid still?” Fhedré asked, and Tav just nodded.

He hesitated for a moment, before taking Fhedré’s hand, guiding it down to the cunt. “Put a finger in,” he instructed, and albeit hesitantly, Fhedré did it, only for Tav to tense his muscles, pressing down on the finger.

It was clear that Fhedré was surprised by the amount of pressure, Tav could muster.

“Most of it is still all about the muscles,” Tav explained. “About relaxing and tensing them. Sure, part is keeping the tissue around it flexible. But… A lot is about the muscles. And those… I can control.”

Carefully, Fhedré pulled his finger out again. “I told you before, that you are amazing.”

“Well… I did not get much of an education at that place, did I?” Tav whispered. “At least this is something I learned. How to be a really good fuck.”

“Tav…” Fhedré sighed. “You are more than that. You are… you are strong. You are amazing. You are kind.” He smiled, before once more caressing Tav’s cheek with the tips of his fingers. “You are beautiful. And you are probably a whole lot of other things that I do not know about you yet.”

“Don’t think of me too highly,” Tav muttered. “I am still…”

“No, Tav. You are amazing. You are an amazing man.”

 

***

 

“Are you sure, you want to do this today?” Fhedré asked, as he watched Tav undress once more.

Tav paused, his trousers in his arms and looked around to him. “I have told you… When… When you torture me. It makes those other things… It makes them go away.” He folded up the trousers, before going over to Fhedré and leaning against him.

Fhedré seemed to understand at the very least that Tav needed a hug. “I know.” He sighed, running his hands over Tav’s nude back. Then he carefully asked: “I have a suggestion.”

“You have?” Tav looked up to the man’s face, being met with another soft caress over his cheek.

“We are going to reenact something that… that happened to you at that place.”

Tav hesitated. “Why?”

“Because I think it might give you back a sense of control over what happened,” Fhedré said. He took Tav’s hands, before pulling him over to a stool standing there. He sat down himself, pulling Tav onto his lap. “This is your life. You are the one in control. Even of your memories.”

Tav allowed this touch to happen. It was kind of ridiculous how safe he was feeling with this man. Even though he knew how completely at the man’s mercy he was. But he just knew that Fhedré would not use that against him.

He thought about it for a moment. Whether he really wanted to allow something like that. Then one of the memories came to him, making him shiver. “Elistrae…”

Fhedré raised an eyebrow. “What?”

“I… There was this elf. He was… He was a real sicko. He… He had thing for prepubescent girls, but… He did not want to fuck us, he enjoyed torturing us. He called it ‘experiments’. And when the Misses found out how afraid I was of him… She… There was a couple of times she paid him to punish me. Especially… After I was at an age, where he would have usually lost interest.”

Fhedré was still holding Tav softly. “I see.” He caressed Tav’s cheek. “Is there anything specific you have in mind?”

Tav was hesitating once more, but the truth was he knew. “I… I was maybe ten, when I realized I was a boy despite… Despite the way my body looked. And… I kept it buried inside, you know? But one day, I must have been eleven by then… I… cut my hair. And when the Misses found out, she got so angry at me. And then she called Elistrae to punish me. And… He said, he would proof to me I was a girl.”

When Tav went silent, Fhedré leaned in to touch his forehead. “What did he do?”

Tav knew he was shivering, as the memories of that night came back to him. Other than with anything what had happened with that trial yesterday, he was never sure whether he would survive the things at the brothel. Because it did not seem as if the Misses cared too much if any of them lived or died. Sure, she would take care of them, because they were her assets. But they were more like precious furniture rather than… something alive to her.

“He… He also had a thing for needles,” Tav said. “But not those thing small ones. He had… He had his own ones. Those were… long. And a bit wider. And he would push them through us. That day… I was just starting puberty at the time. And I… My breasts were barely developed. And impaled them with those things. Then… He took a knife, and he… I don’t know. He did something to my clit. I just know that it hurt. And that afterwards he kept talking about how the Misses might want to leave it like this. How that might cull me. And then… He was a mage. He used… A spell. I think… A lightning spell. On my clit. And…” He wrapped his arms around himself. “I remember how he smiled as I screamed.”

Fhedré said nothing, just holding him close. He seemed to sense that Tav was not finished.

“And then… I… He said he would show me a pain only women would know. And he… I am not even sure what he did. He just… He pushed something thin into… He pushed something up my cervix and then… He… I don’t know. He made it bigger. And…” Tav shook his head. “You know, those… yesterday, but also with Viola. Those tentacles have pushed up my cervix. And it… it hurts like hell. But never like it did back then. Back then… I…”

Fhedré waited whether Tav would add anything, but when he didn’t, he once more caressed him carefully. “Are you sure, that is something… you want me to do?

“No,” Tav whispered. “But… Let’s… Let’s test your theory. I… You know, I do not want to be controlled by those memories anymore. I don’t want to.”

“Alright.” With a gesture Fhedré got Tav to stand up again. “If it gets too much, you can always tell me to stop.”

“I know.”

Notes:

If anyone keeps thinking: "That brothel were Tav ended up sounds an awful lot like an Orphan Crushing Machine." Well, you are not too far off when it comes to the true purpose of that place. Not that Tav within the story will find out anytime soon.

Chapter 16: Deja-Vu

Summary:

Fhedré tries to go with Tav through one of his memories.

Notes:

Kink/TW: Very, very heavy genital torture

So in the end, Tav stood there, waiting. He was honestly not sure about this idea of Fhedré’s, but… He trusted the man. And technically… Well, he knew that controlling his memories by talking about them did work.

And he had told Fhedré more about his time in that brothel today, than he probably had anyone – at least since he had left the circus. And Fhedré… Well, it was not as if Fhedré knew how to react to it. After all, nobody ever really knew, right? Hells, Tav was not certain whether he would know how to react, if he found someone somewhere, who told him about similar experiences.

But… At least Fhedré did not pity him. And that was… More than he had dared to hope for.

When Fhedré returned, he was carrying a few tools. Some of which vaguely looked familiar. The man smiled at Tav, before nodding over to the chair, that came with the high leg rests. “Sit down on that. And… I am going to tie you down for this, alright?”

“Alright.” Tav moved over to the chair, sitting down on it. Willingly he raised his arms to be tied up over his head, before allowing the leather belts on the leg rests to spread his legs apart. A helpless situation – but one he could deal with.

He watched, as Fhedré got six of those long, and wide needles, using a flame to cauterize them.

“This is admittedly a bit easier with someone who has actual tits,” Fhedré said. “Because tits are mostly fat tissue, so you will not do a lot of actual damage.” He stood next to Tav now. “With you right now I cannot guarantee that I will not push it through your muscles.”

“That’s fine,” Tav said. “Just… do it.”

“I will,” Fhedré said. He took a moment though, before he found the right angle to bring the needle under the skin.

And yes, it was… It was quite different from the other needles they used. Those thin and short needles were mostly noticeable when they pushed into the skin. Not after. This… It felt… It felt wrong, the way Tav could feel it glide through his body. Under the skin. He could see the metal move under his skin, before it exited said skin about three inches later.

“You alright?” Fhedré asked.

Tav looked at the place where now blood was running out of the fresh wound. “Yeah.”

“You didn’t scream,” Fhedré noted.

“I… I kinda forgot about it,” Tav muttered.

Fhedré could not help a smirk at that. “I will put in the next one.”

“Yes,” Tav said.

He watched, as Fhedré took that other needle, found the right position and angle and pushed it in. “I noticed before, that at times you just… You don’t scream until a certain point. I think until you mind already stops registering the pain as is. Why?”

“I…” Again it was almost fascinating, to watch the needle move. It was painful. Oh, it was painful. And it felt wrong. But still, he managed the answer. “When I was at the place, I tried not to scream or cry. Because… Because it gave them power over me.” The needle exited, with some more blood dripping out of the wound. “And… When it came to the customers… Those who liked to put us through pain, got quickly bored if I did not react.”

“I see.” Once more Fhedré turned to caress Tav’s cheek. “I find it impressive. But at the same time… You don’t always have to… demonstrate strength, you know?”

“I know,” Tav muttered. He watched as Fhedré took the third needle, finding a proper angle once more. All three so far – one over the other – were through the right side of his chest. He was not sure whether they had penetrated the muscles or if Fhedré had managed to keep them just underneath the skin.

He drew a deep breath, as that third needle was put in. But once more he did not scream.

“I just had started puberty back then, as I said,” Tav said. “And I… I already hated my body. Because… I just had this feeling that it was… supposed to be different. And… When those stupid tits started growing… they were already hurting so much. And it made it so… so easy to punish me through them, you know? It… It made me hate them even more.”

“I think I can understand that, yes,” Fhedré said. He took the other three needles, walking around Tav to go to his other side. “I mean, you hated them enough to have them chopped off without anything lessening the pain. So… I can see how bad it must’ve been.”

“Yeah…” Tav closed the eyes as Fhedré found the right place for the next needle, pushing it through. The same pain. The same feeling of wrongness. But… He could manage. Somehow he could manage.

He did not open his eyes again, until the fifth needle had penetrated him.

“I have never met a man like you, you know?” Fhedré said, as he was positioning the last needle.

“A man like me?”

“Someone, who was born with a body like this,” Fhedré said. “I… I am less experienced with this kind of body, I will admit.” He pushed in that last needle. “My… My own desires lie exclusively with men. I know how to torture women. How to make them suffer pain, and how to draw it out and everything. But… Those things have always been simply professional.” The needle exited the skin again. “But you are a man. And I do desire you. So… fucking you is a very new experience to me.”

“Do you like it?” Tav wanted to bite his tongue, as soon as he had voiced that question, but Fhedré smiled.

“So far I did enjoy it quite a bit,” he said. “Because yes, you are… undoubtedly very good at this.”

With that he took three more tools, taking them on a smaller table by Tav’s feet. With a stool he took position between Tav’s legs. “I am fairly certain I know what that bastard did with the blade back then.”

“You are?”

“Yes, I think he might have cut off the hood of your clit. It is… something people in certain areas of the world do ritually. It can change the way girls experience their sexuality. Turning it painful. Though I assume you were healed quickly after he was done with you, right?”

“Yeah,” Tav said. “I… When he was done, I was bleeding badly. So I got healed.”

“That explains why the damage was undone,” Fhedré said. He took the short, sharp blade from the table. “If this is too much, I will heal it instantly.”

Tav nodded. Another tremble went through his body, as he could quite literally see it happening this time, given he was in a half-sitting position. Last time… He did not quite remember. But he was fairly certain he had been tied down in a lying position, with his legs simply spread apart.

Fhedré used the thumb and index finger of his left hand to pull out the clit just a bit, finding the hood. Then he made the cut.

Even with everything, Tav could not help a gasp. Because yes, it did hurt. It did hurt quite a bit. Though it was almost the blood that surprised him more. A lot more blood than what he had expected, that was now streaming over Fhedré’s fingers.

“How is it?” Fhedré asked.

“I hurts.”

“Should I heal it again?”

Tav shook his head. “No. But… The bleeding.”

Fhedré considered it for a moment. “I can take care of that.” He pressed a cloth against the wound, before using some sort of magic. A cooling spell, Tav realized.

It felt strange, especially given that now he was feeling so very sensitive. But after a bit, it did what it should. Calming the bleeding down.

“Should I continue?”

“Yes,” Tav whispered.

“I will not go and cast a lightning spell myself,” Fhedré said. “I do not have that kind of control. But I will use this instead.” He took out something like a small staff or wand. “We do use these in torture of that kind.”

“Alright.” He closed his eyes, as Fhedré pressed that metal tip of that wand against the painful and sensitive clit. He breathed, just before that jolt hit him.

He could not control his body at this, squirming against the binds holding him, as the pain just shot up his entire body. He gasped for air, as the pain did not simply stop. Fhedré kept that thing into contact with him, allow the spell to continue. In fact he kept it pressed against Tav, until Tav could no longer hold back a pained moan. Only then did Fhedré pull the wand back.

“Should I go on?”

“Yeah,” Tav whispered.

Once more the pain overcame him. He had been shocked down there before, but not quite like this. Not with the cut before making everything so much more painful. It should not even make that much of a difference, should it?

He moaned again, feeling himself tremble.

He wondered whether back then it had hurt as much or less. Because he did not remember. He only remembered that back then he had not managed to keep himself under control. That by the end of it he had been sobbing and crying. And he remembered how those sobs and cries hat gotten Elistrae to smile.

And now?

He groaned, trying instinctively to move his hip just a bit away, but without Fhedré letting him. He just kept pressing that wand against Tav, kept pressing it, kept the pain going until…

It was a bit different from other times, that Tav had climaxed from pain. Because most of the time, it happened, because at some point his mind stopped differentiating the sensations. He was certain this was different. Because it was more like his clit becoming overstimulated between the electricity and the pain.

He just suddenly jerked. His entire body did. Then a whine came over his lips.

“Tav?” Fhedré asked, taking the wand away once more.

Panting, Tav just sat there. “I… I just came.”

Fhedré looked between his legs. “I can see that.” He allowed him this short break, it seemed. “Did that happen too, back then?”

“I don’t know,” Tav whispered. “I don’t remember. I just remember that… In the end he got me to cry. Really badly.” He paused, trying to find his breath again. “You know, I think… back at that place… I only ever rarely climaxed from anything. Because… Probably my body was not yet developed in that way or something. The only thing… Some customers wanted us to be given aphrodisiacs before we got to attend them. So we were more… excitable. And whenever we were made to serve bigger groups, the Misses would give us some either way. Because it would things go over smoother. It is… why I don’t like them. Because…” He stopped, as he was trying to sort his thoughts. “There was this one woman, who became fascinated with me. For a while she would come almost every two weeks to have me. And she wanted me to take an aphrodisiac before, only so that she could finger me for hours, making me… Well, with that stuff I would cum. And she would make me cum again and again. And then she wanted me to smile and tell her ‘thank you’ for being so good with me.”

Fhedré caressed the inside of Tav’s thigh gently. “You’ve gotten to know a lot of bad people at that place, haven’t you?”

“Yeah,” Tav whispered. “Of course. I mean, who if not bad people would come to such a place, you know? I mean… I don’t mind normal brothels. While… While Kantei and I travelled, I would sell my services, if we had not enough money. I don’t… I don’t mind the sex. I can even enjoy it, you know? I do enjoy sex. But that… I… I was a kid. I was a kid back then.”

“You were,” Fhedré said. Once more he caressed him. “Do you want to stop this for today?”

“No.” Tav shook his head. “I… I want you to do the other thing.”

“Are you sure?”

“I am. Look. As I said. I mean, yesterday, those things… They ripped me open down there as well. I know I can handle it. And I…” He looked at the cleric. “I think I want you to do it. I want you to do it to me.”

“Alright.” Fhedré put the wand away, before getting another thing from the table. Some metal thing like he had used a few days ago to spread Tav out. He put it in, before using it to spread him further. He spread the cunt far enough for it to hurt – but Tav did not make a sound.

Then he took the last item from the table. It was a very thin stuff with something soft – almost like leather – pulled over it. It had been dipped in some sort of goo.

“I put something on it, that will relax you just a bit more,” Fhedré said. “To make it a bit easier.”

“Alright,” Tav whispered. Another shiver was running through him.

“I am going to put it in now.” Fhedré did not wait for a reply, before pushing that staff into Tav’s cunt.

And Tav knew – oh, he knew – when got to his cervix. It hurt. Even though the thing was only thin it hurt quite a bit as Fhedré pushed it in.

Instinctively Tav tensed, before reminding himself that he shouldn’t. He took a deep breath, as a tremble went through his body.

It did not go easy, either. Especially compared to the tentacles. Maybe just because those things did not have any mercy, did not feel any pity. Fhedré… He cared about Tav. So he was just a bit more careful, as he pushed it in – and pushed it in further.

Tav yelped, as he could feel it slide further inside. But then, finally, it was fully in.

“You are doing really good,” Fhedré said. “I will start with the real thing now.”

Tav nodded, before just a few seconds later a groan came over his lips. He could feel that staff – or probably more the soft skin around it – expand. Pressing against the walls of his cervix. Trying to pry it apart.

A jerk went through Tav’s body, as the pain started to become real. As it started to feel as if it was ripping him apart.

He groaned again, as Fhedré just continued with it. And yes, Tav remembered it. He remembered that it was similar when Elistrae had done it. The pain. This was a very special kind of pain. Just a kind of pain, that people normally did not experience.

There was an instinct once more to pull his hip away, to try and clamp up his legs. But he couldn’t. The belts binding his legs were preventing it.

He howled, trying to move his hips once more. The pain was becoming more and more overwhelming. It was becoming overwhelming, and yet… It strangely reminded him of the last day. Of the trial. And of his realization that, well… Feeling pain was something he was good at. It was something that strangely just made sense.

Yes. At least the pain made sense.

He remembered what Fhedré had said. It was proof they were alive.

He closed his eyes and… Allowed himself to really feel it. To feel the tissue inside of him protest and rip. To feel the pain from the clit as well. Feel the pain of those needles. It made sense. It somehow made so much sense.

His breath was shaky still, but he could sense himself properly relax. He just allowed it to happen. And it happened. He could feel blood, but it was alright.

“Tav?” Fhedré asked carefully.

Tav opened his eyes. “I am good.”

The man looked at him. “You are?”

“Yes,” Tav whispered. “I am good.” He looked at the other man, noticing something in the soft black trousers. “And you are hard.”

“Your blood and your moans… They do that to me, I am afraid,” Fhedré said.

Tav smirked. “I am wondering something.”

“You are?”

“Yeah. Your cock is pretty big. I am wondering whether you can push it all the way up there.”

Fhedré looked at him for a long moment. “Are you certain.”

But Tav just nodded. “Yeah.”

Chapter 17: His Understanding

Summary:

Fhedré takes care of Tav after torturing him. And as they talk, Tav starts to realize that Fhedré understands her better than maybe anyone else.

Notes:

Not a lot of kink here, just a bit soft sex and a lot of talking :D

Tav gave a deep groan, as Fhedré pushed down on his shoulders. It made the other man laugh at him.

“You are making this sound erotic,” he whispered, before continuing to massage him.

“I am good at that,” Tav whispered, trying to just relax and let it happen. It was not a big surprise that his back was tense, but for sure the massage was making sure that he realized this. “Making things erotic.”

“Oh, I have learned that much about you.” Fhedré was surprisingly good at this. His fingers were strong, as they massaged Tav’s back. And they just were able to find all those little tense spots to take care of. One after the other. It was amazing.

It was evening by now, even though the day and night cycle seemed a bit unreal right now. After all he had not seen the sun in quite a few days. Not that it really mattered. Though he would like to go out to the sun, to bathe in the river once more. Yeah, he would like that.

But right now? Right now he was taking this, too.

After Fhedré had healed him, the man had insisted for Tav to now take a proper long bath. He had then have a younger guy bring some supper to the room – because they were in Fhedré’s room once more. Tav had not questioned it. He was looking forward to… not be alone during the night. To be held by someone else.

It was after supper – and after Fhedré had taken some time to properly brush Tav’s long hair – that Fhedré had had the idea for the massage.

“Gods, this is needed,” Tav muttered into the pillow. “This is so needed.”

“I can see that,” Fhedré said. He leaned down to kiss Tav’s neck. “I am taking good care of you.”

“You are. The best.” Tav moaned again, as Fhedré found one especially sore spot on the back, starting to massage it, to take care of the hardened muscles.

In a way, this was strange. How Fhedré could put him through such immense pain, could hurt him so badly, but then was also so sweet and caring. But in the end… What meaning did that hurt have? It was healed within an hour. It did not matter in the end. And Tav wanted it. He enjoyed it. Even what they done today. In the end it had felt good. In the end it had done, what Fhedré had said. It had given Tav a strange feeling of control.

He could not undo what had happened back then. But he could control what was happening now.

Another groan came over his lips, as Fhedré’s hands were working their way further down his back.

The oil Fhedré was using made the skin nice and warm, warmed up even the muscles underneath. It was so nice and relaxing. Especially given that Tav was simply feeling safe with this man. He was feeling, like this was a place he belonged to.

He did not mind being naked next to the man either.

It was still this strange thing. He liked his body being seen. He had always liked it. Even though it did not make any sense.

“You know…” Fhedré said, as his hands had finally reached Tav’s ass. “I cannot help but wonder something.”

“Hmm?”

“You said you do have a sensitive ass,” Fhedré said.

“Well, you tested it out yesterday, right?” Tav replied.

“I did.” Fhedré carefully spread Tav’s ass cheeks apart. “Do you mind if I try it out a bit more?”

Tav chuckled, as he pulled the pillow a bit more underneath his body. “I don’t mind at all.” He closed his eyes to just enjoy it, when Fhedré started to kiss his ass. First the cheeks, then the crack. Then he started to lick Tav, quickly eliciting a soft moan.

It was clear that at least in this regard Fhedré also knew what he was doing. His tongue pressed into Tav just a bit, still managing to somehow get to some of the sensitive points. He did not show any hesitance about this either. He just knew what he was doing – and he was doing it for Tav to feel good.

There was a smile on Tav’s lips, as he moaned again. He could not help but move his hips a bit, and he could feel Fhedré smile. The man still continued.

It was always strange, to have his ass stimulated like this. It was a slower pleasure to take hold. A good feeling, that was only building bit by bit. But Fhedré was not getting impatient. He was listening to Tav’s moans, and was so clearly noticing the finer twitches of his body.

He just continued with it, until the moans were getting louder and more frequent. He continued, until the pleasure had build up fully, overwhelming Tav.

“Did you cum?” he finally asked.

Tav simply nodded. “Yeah.”

Fhedré pressed another kiss onto Tav’s ass. “What do you want me to do now?”

“Fuck me,” Tav whispered. “Fuck me good.”

“I can see whether I can do that.” Fhedré changed his position. He simply took the oil he had taken from the massage to drip onto Tav’s ass, pushing it inside with his fingers first. “Ready?”

“Yes,” Tav breathed.

He gave an even deeper groan, as Fhedré pushed into him. A groan that was echoed by the other man.

“Gods, you are tight,” Fhedré whispered.

“I am making myself tight.” Tav turned his head, smiling. “Is it too much?”

“No.” Fhedré kissed his neck. “It’s… It’s amazing. Gods. Just… Gods.” He started to thrust into Tav, with both of them moaning again.

It felt good. Yeah, this did feel good. Tav hugged the pillow even stronger, as he just allowed himself to enjoy it. That big cock in his ass, and a man fucking him, who actually cared about him right now. Who bowed down to kiss his shoulders.

“Tav…” Fhedré whispered. “Oh, Tav…”

“I love it when you say my name.”

“You do, eh?” Fhedré was moaning again. “Then I keep saying it. Tav… Tav…”

Tav had to wonder, whether Fhedré’s cock was a bit to big for other people to take. Because it most certainly was filling. For Tav it was something that he actually could enjoy, but he wondered. He had to wonder.

He moved his hip just a bit against the other man, getting lost in the feeling. In his own pleasure, but also the wonderful sensation of being desired like this. It was something he liked more than the simple pleasure. He wanted to be desired. And as much as he enjoyed being tortured, being used… He also wanted to be desired softly.

Especially when his partner desired him. Him as a person. Not just his body and his… skills.

He could feel his own pleasure rise up again. Quicker this time. Stronger. He felt like melting into the other man. Yeah, he wanted to melt into him. Become one with him.

He loved how their moans came in synch. One after the other. It was good. This was so good.

“Tav,” Fhedré kept whispering. “Gods, Tav…”

When the pleasure took over, it was like a crescendo at the end of a song. A wonderful loud, screaming crescendo. And for a moment after it, Fhedré collapsed on top of Tav, breathing heavily. He kissed Tav’s neck and laughed.

“What?” Tav asked.

“Nothing. You just… You are amazing.”

Tav found himself smiling. “I am glad, you think that way.”

Fhedré was careful as he pulled out of him. It was always the stranger sensation to Tav. The pulling out, rather than the pushing in. Especially as could feel some of the juices drop out of him now.

The older man took a piece of cloth to roughly wash of his cock, before lying down next to Tav, pulling him into an embrace.

“I just knew from that first moment… I knew that you were special,” he muttered.

Tav chuckled as he nestled up to him. “A word of advice, you still… Need to work on your delivery, though.”

“I do?” Fhedré asked. “How so?”

“After that ritual back then… I mean, I did not know you. And, you said you realized that I did not know what I was in for there. And then you come up to me, in that situation, as I just wake up after being fucked into unconsciousness by a dragon… And you tell me with sparkling eyes that I should come with you to follow Loviatar.”

Those words got a laugh out of Fhedré. “I… I think I can see what you mean.” He carefully turned Tav around to be able to kiss his lips. “I just… During that ritual… I just knew, Tav. I knew that you were special. And I also knew…” He sighed and pressed his forehead against Tav’s. “I also knew, that you caried a lot with you. And I hoped that I could help you.”

Tav smiled, pressing a short kiss onto the other man’s lips, too. “I understand that now. But I first thought you were just a very weird creep, you know?”

“I guess,” Fhedré said.

As they changed up their position, Tav once more nestled up against the other man. He did kinda like how much bigger Fhedré was compared to him. It made it feel nice to be held in those rather strong arms.

He took in that body. That nice and warm body. Without thinking about it, he started to run the fingers of his right hand over Fhedré’s chest. He was playfully tucking on the chest hair first, before the tips of his fingers came across the scars. Those three long scars. Undoubtedly a willing scarification. Probably in service of Loviatar.

He ran his finger along the entire length of one of the scars, before looking at the other man. “Tell me about this.”

“The scars speak of our rank,” Fhedré explained. “Certain ascensions within the ranks will involve ceremonial scarification.” He took Tav’s hand, leading it to his shoulder, where another row of three scars ran over the curvature. “These were done on my initiation.” He allowed Tav to explore those scars with his fingers, before guiding them further down his arm, where just a long scar, that undoubtedly came from a deep wound was remaining. “These I got half a year after joining the temple.” Once more he gave Tav a moment. “And those on my back I got, after I earned the whip.” He turned around to allow Tav a look at those too.

While the other scars had been cut by a knife or something – cut with a purpose at least – the scars on the back where from a brutal whipping. Undoubtedly done with one of Loviatar’s special whips. The bladed whips.

“They are beautiful,” Tav whispered.

As Fhedré turned around to him again, he was smiling. “I know.” He was careful as he took Tav’s hand into his own, kissing it. “When you are initiated… I would love to be the one to scar you.”

“When I…” Tav stopped. Because he was not sure, whether he should protest. After all he had not said anything about this yet. But… If he was honest, he had no doubt that he would do it. That he wanted to stay. He wanted to stay here.

He turned the gesture around, now taking Fhedré’s hand. It still smelled nice, the herbal smell of the massage oil. “I would like that. I would like for you to scar me.”

Those words got another soft smile from Fhedré, before the man pulled him close into a proper kiss again. “I will make it beautiful.”

“I know,” Tav whispered. He enjoyed the closeness of the embrace. Enjoyed being held like this. Still, he could not hold back a sigh either. “I still… I… I need to explain all of this to Kantei. I…” He already knew, she would not understand it.

“Kantei is your girlfriend in Baldur’s Gate, right?” Fhedré asked.

Tav nodded. “Yeah. She is… She is amazing, you know? She is good, and headstrong and she knows how to keep me in line. And she will do anything to protect me. I know she will. But she… It is not as if she had a good life. Her mother was… controlling, to say the least. When I met her in Neverwinter… Some really bad things happened. Some really, really bad things. But still… She… What happened to me feels unreal to her. And I know it does. She doesn’t really understand. And I do not… I honestly do not want her to understand it. It is better for her, if she doesn’t.” He buried his head against Fhedré’s chest. “But I just… I can’t…”

“I understand,” Fhedré whispered. He weaved his fingers into Tav’s red hair. “I understand… not everything, no. But I understand it. And I think… I will not be the only one here to understand it, either.” He kissed Tav’s forehead. “I understand, too, that you… you love that woman. But maybe… Maybe it would be better for her, if you just go.”

Tav took a shaky breath, feeling the tears burn in his eyes. “I know. It’s just… It’s hard. In the end… It is hard.”

 

***

 

The ocean was quite a distance away underneath Tav, as he was walking along the side of the cliff. He did not know where he was, or where he was going. It did not matter. It was a beautiful sunset, right over the ocean in the west. He had seen quite a few of those sunsets during his travels along the Sword Coast for sure.

Someone had lit a fire not far away, and the somewhat off-tune notes of a lute told him, it might be a bard setting up a campsite for the night. It was curiosity more than anything that got him to go there, to check it out.

Still, he stopped when he saw the bard. A dark-skinned halfling woman, her hair braided in with colorful jewelry. She was playing the lute – just not very good.

“I… Have I met you before?” Tav asked.

She sighed. “I know I messed up. And now I am running out of time. Listen to me, you are not safe where you are now.”

Tav frowned at this, not feeling like this was an appropriate greeting. “Where I am now? Here?”

“This is a dream, you idiot, you…” She groaned in frustration. “You need to return to Baldur’s Gate. I can keep you safe there. I understand that this is my fault. I let this happen. But you were so hard to talk to and in the end… You still did right. And I left it be, even though I should not have. I know that. But things were happening, and…” She shook her head. “Listen, Tav. You need to return. You cannot stay at the temple. This would’ve been bad at any other time, but now…”

“Now he has found someone else to keep him safe,” another voice said, making Tav turn around.

There was a woman standing there. Human, by the looks of it, but dark-skinned too. Not quite as dark as the halfling though.

His mind could not make sense of any of this. “Who are you people?” he asked.

The halfling got up from her campfire, moving between the new arrival and Tav. “Keep away from you. I have made my claim long before you.”

“Your claim,” the human woman replied. Her green eyes, that seemed strangely familiar, shot over to Tav. “Like all of you supposedly heroic idiots, still thinking of them as things. Do you hear that, Tav, boy?”

“I don’t understand what is happening,” he said, taking a step back.

“Because she never bothered to explain, did she?” the human said, looking at the halfling now.

“I messed up,” the halfling said. “I can see that. But that does not mean you will lie a single claw onto him.”

Another step backwards. “Will any of you just explain, what… I mean, who are you? What do you want from me?”

“Tav. I saved you. No. Not quite. You saved yourself when you ran from my sister. But I gave you the means to…”

“She wants to put a claim on you, without doing much but to change a roll of the die,” the human woman said. “But what did she do after that?”

“I…” Tav took another step. He did not feel safe. “I really have no idea what you are talking about.”

“The bad place you came from,” the halfling said. “It was a temple to my sister, and you were just a piece in her game. And the day you ran…”

“How do you know about that? And your sister… What… Who?” Another step, and this time he was standing too close to the chasm. A loose rock gave way under his foot, making slip, making him fall, making him wake.

Chapter 18: Prayers

Summary:

While Fhedré is busy with his clerical duties, the high priestess asks Tav to join her for a prayer.

Notes:

Alright, another chapter that goes into some kinks. Though this is mostly just some good old Monsterfucking.

Also, me having a lot of fun with the idea of "sexposition". (Aka: Exposition while sex is happening.)

Tav sighed, as he was sitting in the garden alone. Fhedré had some duties to attend to – another ritual, he had said – so for now Tav was on his own. And he was not quite sure how to go about it. A part of him wanted to find someone else to torture him. Amira, maybe, though he knew it was probably a bad idea. But he was good at having those. After all, the entire thing with Viola had always been a bad idea, too. Yet he had done it. Again and again. Every few days he had made his way to Viola, allowing to do with him whatever she pleased.

He felt a lot safer with Fhedré. Because Fhedré cared to not cross those boundaries. He actually cared that Tav would not come to any real harm – though that line of words was strange as well, wasn’t it. “Real harm”… What did that even mean?

The trial… That had been real harm. It had been real. His bones had been broken. His skin had been torn. But… Just an hour and the damage had been undone. It had been completely undone.

For most of his life wounds had been like this. It had been something that happened, only to be healed and forgotten. The circus had been the one place it had not been guaranteed. They did not have a healer. Not always. It was why the scars from the day he had escaped had remained on him. Scars he now wore with pride, because they showed that in the end he was free. He had freed himself.

He frowned, as it felt like a memory was stirred. Only that he could not quite grasp it. Like trying to catch a butterfly that would just always escape his net. He… He remembered the day that they ran. He and Jevka. And the two others, who had reacted quickly enough. Who had just followed the two of them.

Maybe some others had escaped that day as well. He did not know. He had never returned to Waterdeep after it. Maybe he had burned down that place. The bad place. Maybe he had ended it. Though he did not dare to hope.

A part of him always felt like he needed to return there one day. Just to make sure. To make sure that place was gone. To destroy it, if it wasn’t. That woman… The Misses.

He did not know. He did not trust authorities. But maybe he could just leave her to them. Or maybe…

“Tav?” The voice speaking to him was gentle, he simply had not expected it. The soft voice of a woman.

As he turned around, he found the high priestess standing there. Like most others here, she was freely showing off her body – and with it her scars. A beautiful pattern that was covering most of her body. It must have been painful to cut. Something that had probably been done over more than a year time, given that for wounds to scarify, they could not magically be healed.

“High priestess,” he said, staring at her in confusion. “I… I did not expect you.”

“My proper title is Truescar Githan,” the woman said with a smile.

“Oh. I… I am sorry. Truescar.”

She chuckled at this. “Don’t be. I actually have been looking for you.”

“You have?” Tav asked, unsure how to react to it. He did not really know her. The other day he had spoken maybe ten sentences with her, before she had just… agreed to his request.

“Yes. I wanted to ask you to join me in a prayer,” she said.

Tav looked at her, then looked around. “Do you mean…”

“You will see.” She extended her hand, putting it over his own. It was a caring, almost motherly gesture. “Do not fear. You will not come to any real harm.”

Ha. There it was again. Real harm.

He wondered what Fhedré would do, if the priestess broke that promise.

But… He was fairly certain, that she was not lying. If anything, she would heal him as well, just as he had been healed before. And he had been considering to find someone else to torture him. He needed the pain after all. He needed to feel it.

“Then I will join you,” he said, though his smile was bit tense.

“I thought that much.” She got up again. “Follow me.”

Tav stopped. “Now?”

“Yes, Tav. Now. You will understand, I promise.”

He took a deep breath, but then he nodded. “Alright.” He did not have much else to do either way, did he now? So, he did follow her, leaving the garden.

Maybe he was really somewhat slow in the uptake this day, but only when they kept walking down on the staircase, did he make the connection. “Are you taking me to the sanctum again?”

“Yes,” she said.

“But… Fhedré said he was not allowed there, because his rank… And I am… I am not even initiated, am I?”

“You are not,” she confirmed.

“Can I even be there?”

“You can. Because you are special.”

Tav frowned at those words. Sure, Fhedré kept saying this, but… He was not dumb enough to not see, that Fhedré was falling for him – had maybe started to fall for him from the very start. He wanted to believe it, sure, it was just something different, as he heard it from the priestess, the Truescar. “I am?”

“Yes,” she simply said and smiled. “Come. You will understand.”

His heart was beating a bit faster. He was not quite sure whether it was in fear or another bout of anticipation. He just followed, until they were in front of that altar once more, on which Fhedré had kissed him.

“Undress yourself,” the Truescar said.

He nodded, following the instruction. “Will… Will there be another trial?”

“No, child.” She waited for him to slip out of his clothes, before coming over to him, running her scarred hands through his hair, before braiding it. “Nothing like that. Not for now. And we would most certainly not spring it on you.”

“I… I guess,” he muttered.

He let her finish his hair, before turning around. He did not quite like, that he did not know what was waiting for him.

And yet, he followed her, as with a simple flick of her hand she moved that marble door to the side. It let to a rather dark corridor. The one he had not seen the last time, blinded as he had been. A corridor that went on for a bit, before leading, but that ended eventually in a strange, wide hall.

The hall was completely round, the ground of flat stone. Fire was burning along the walls, while all sorts of torture instruments had been collected here – the room offered being by far enough for it. A variety of chains hung from the ceiling.

But it was not all that drew Tav’s attention, when he entered. No. It was those creatures. Three of them. They were so clearly waiting. For… them?

All three of them were big – around eight or nine feet at the very least. And while two of them were quite humanoid if one ignored their long limbs, clawed hands and feet, and monstrous heads, the third one was more animalistic. The way it moved reminded Tav of a dog more than anything, even though it had six limbs instead of four. It came towards him, a blueish tongue flickering out of its mouth as it reached him. Yes, like a dog, it licked his face.

The demons. He realized that this had to be the demons that had conducted the trial.

“It is him,” the dog like creature hissed, looking over to the other two. “It is him.”

“We can see that,” one of the others replied. It too came over, bowing down to him. “Such an interesting human you bring us.” The demon ran its claws over Tav’s chest.

“I want to taste him again.” The dog-demon looked at the Truescar. “I want to taste him.”

“That is up to him,” the priestess said. Her gaze was directed at Tav. “You get to decide whether they get to taste you.”

“Taste me?” he asked.

But she only gave him a mild smile. “You understand.”

The truth was of course, that he did. He understood perfectly. Because he knew the feeling of being desired – just that normally he was desired in other ways. In different ways. But it was still desire that he sensed from those demons.

He licked his lips, before he made his decision. The decision to give himself up. “Yes.”

It happened faster, than he could think. The dog-like demon tackled him to the ground, and before he knew it he was on all fours with the demon’s cock up his cunt. Like last time it was big. It was too big maybe. Especially without any foreplay and preparation. It was painful, but at the same time there was something else coming over him.

A primal desire. A very primal need.

He groaned, as the demon started thrusting into him. A feral, animalistic act. It took him all his strength to keep upright – and even that was not enough as one of the demons claws pushed down between his shoulders.

He yelped, as claws cut his skin, but he tried nothing to escape.

Sweat was quickly covering his body, as he simply gave in. He moved his hips as best he could, meeting the demon’s violent thrusts. It all happened within maybe a minute or two. Then he could feel the demon cum inside of him, filling him up so completely.

It was one of the two more humanoid demons, who picked him up by his neck, like one might pick a stray kitten.

The orange eyes of the demon were taking his body in, before the creature did something Tav did not expect.

The second hand caressed his cheek, before two claws were cutting his skin here. Then he was pulled into a kiss, with an elongated tongue pushing down his throat. But he just took it, giving himself up in that kiss.

The demon switched its hold on him in a way that was faintly familiar. He was taken by the hip and just pushed over that cock to be used.

He groaned. This was scary and at the same time so funnily exciting.

Once more the demon just turned him into a thing to be used and this time Tav very consciously let it happen. Because it felt good. It felt so fucking good. He groaned and panted, trying to reach the demon’s shoulders to get just a bit of hold.

He could feel his own cunt twitch in excitement. He yelped, as this twitching turned into a climax that shook his entire body.

Then the third demon was behind him. Its hands grabbed for his chest, and it almost seemed like it was posing a question.

“Yes,” Tav whispered. “Yes.”

He had understood the question right, it seemed. Because the next thing he knew, this demon was pushing into his ass. Maybe it was pushing in too deep, as he could not help but squirm, but he still did not fight against it. Because in a way he understood he would be alright. Being used by those things – being tasted.

Those demons were making sounds, that were most certainly not human, that were more animal than anything.

“Oh, he is tasty,” one of them hissed.

“He is enthusiastic,” the other said.

Tav had no idea, whether he was tasty. But he most certainly was enthusiastic for sure. He kept himself just firm enough that the demons could move him around. Could move his hip. Just so that they could use him properly. Like a proper little toy.

He liked that.

Oh, he liked that.

He groaned once more as he noticed how hot the demon behind him was. Like his entire body was hot, but mostly his hands. Yeah, Tav remembered that hand that had burned his chest during the trial. Must’ve been him. It was burning his chest again, leaving painful marks on his skin. But it was good. This was good.

Inadvertently he clasped his hands into fists, as he came once again. And it seemed he was somehow in synch with the demons, as he could quite literally feel them cum inside of him too. He could feel some of the cum drip out of him quite quickly.

One of the demons lifted him up, until they both slid out of him, just while the dog-demon was prancing around them.

“Let me try him again,” it begged. “Let me!”

Tav was put on the ground, but he was in control enough to willingly spread his legs to once more be mounted, while claws were scratching at his chest. He even moved his hips to meet with those of the demon.

Only then did his gaze meet that of the priestess, who had been watching it all.

She smiled. “You understand, don’t you?”

Tav was arching his back at one particularly violent thrust. “Yes. Yes, I understand.” He groaned, giving into the feeling even more. “Fhedré… He was right, was he not?”

“He was,” the Truescar said. “Our Goddess Herself has watched your trial happen. She has contacted me last night. And even her creatures are certain of it. You are one of her chosen.”

In another situation, Tav would have been maybe more able to take up the situation. Right now his mind was mostly flooded with pain and pleasure, but a certain other feeling, too. A strange relief. A relief to finally have found this place.

He groaned once more, feeling the pleasure already take over his mind and body again.

Watching his own body was strangely fascinating. He could see the large demon cock move inside of his body somehow. It looked amazing.

“It is good that Fhedré found you when he did,” the Truescar continued. “I don’t know if you have noticed, but the world has been changing lately.”

The noise escaping Tav now, was more of a scream. He tried to answer. He tried. But in the end he barely managed to bark it. “I know.”

“Ao, the highest of our gods, is rewriting the tablets of fate – and the gods are fighting for their position in the new world order.”

“I… Can you… Can you explain it later?” he asked, shaking once more when the pleasure took him over.

She chuckled. “Oh, you are doing just fine. I know you are. Because you are Her chosen.”

“Uhum…” He howled, as he could feel the demon fill him up once more, just before it started to lick up the blood from his chest. Panting he just let it happen.

“I assume Fhedré has already told you some of it. But while most people associate Loviatar with the people dealing out the pain – with torturers and sadists – it is those able to take pain, who will rise to the highest ranks. It is why someone like Fhedré, no matter how dedicated it is, will not ascent the ranks any further than he did.” The priestess was speaking plainly, as if she was not watching how one of the humanoid demons took Tav up again.

Tav tried to process it all, as he looked at the creature. He grinned, as an idea came to him – and now he did not hold back with voicing it. “I could all three of you at once.”

This amused the demon. It laughed. “You can?”

“Yeah,” he purred. “I am very sure I can.”

“You are confident for a little squishy human, aren’t you?”

“Well…” Tav could not help but blush a little. “I am well-educated in this one regard.”

“People think of Loviatans as torturing some innocents in Her name,” the priestess said, while one of the demons now sat on the ground. “But outside from her watching over the torturers out there, it could not be further from the truth. It speaks of the way most people misunderstand the gods. They do not thrive on the thing they represent, but only when it is dedicated to them. There is a reason that Chaunthea is probably the most powerful of all the gods.”

Tav groaned, when he let himself glide onto the demon’s cock. This was a bit more complicated than he had imagined given their size difference. And yet it worked somehow, that the dog-demon pushed into him from the back as well.

He was not really thinking. But he knew what he needed to do. He did not even really perceive the pain as such anymore. Not even when the one demon’s hands were burning his thighs now.

“What Loviatar needs, is pain endured in her name – pain dedicated to Her by the one feeling it. It is what fuels Her power. And it is why we need you right now. Because the rules are rewritten, and with true Pain Bearers like you, she can rewrite her own fate.”

It was rather impossible to answer, given that now the third demon was pushing its cock down Tav’s throat.

He had to rely on the demons of moving his body along a bit, as it was made rather difficult like this. He had experience pleasuring multiple people at once – but not demons. Most certainly not demons.

He trembled with another orgasm, and just continued, trying to somehow listen to the priestess while his mind was dangerously close to going blank.

“I know you are not a fighter,” she said. “You do not need to be. But you know about the draconic rituals, don’t you?”

Tav nodded. Or tried to. He did not know whether she understood.

“I want to use you in another one of them again, Tav,” she said. “Trying to create something to serve our goddess. And I think your ability would carry it far.”

Still unable to answer, Tav just moved along, let himself be used by the demons. He was howling like an animal himself, as those sensations were slowly overtaking him. Pain, pleasure, and an animalistic desire.

He was panting, when his throat filled up with cum. His body was twitching, as he could feel the demons fill him further up.

“Fhedré,” he whispered, as the demon pulled the cock out of his throat. “If I do another ritual, I want Fhedré be the one… the one to torture me.”

Chapter 19: A Place to Belong

Summary:

While Tav is dealing with strange dreams, he and Fhedré grow closer to one another.

Notes:

Some kinky sex in a dream in this chapter, but nothing too serious. Other than that, this chapter is fairly vanilla.

There were chains tying him down. Chains around his wrists, and chains around his legs. They were holding him in place – were holding him down with his legs spread apart and that stone phallus shoved up way too deep into him.

There was water around his knees. The ocean. It had to be the ocean. Waves were washing in, were flooding around his legs.

He could not see where exactly he was. A dense fog covered up most of the landscape. But it was alright. He had the feeling he belonged at the place. He had the feeling that he belonged here. That this position he found himself in had a reason to be like this.

 Yes, there was a reason for him to be here.

So he would simply endure, even though he could not think of a reason. He was good at enduring after all. Always had been. If nothing else, he could endure. Anything. He could endure anything. Because too often there had never been another choice but to endure.

There was a hissing sound. Then a snap. He took a moment himself to realize that it was a whip hitting him. He could not see who was swinging it, but that was alright as well. There was a reason. He knew there was a reason.

So he endured. No. He savored it. The pain. Because in the end it was a welcome sensation as well.

He was alright with it. With suffering. With being abused. With being used. Because at the very least it gave him a reason.

The whipping stopped, and he was once more left alone in the fog. Surrounded by a strange twilight. Blood was dripping from his back, was dripping down his legs and mixing with the water beneath him. He closed his eyes as he breathed in the wonderful clean sea air.

Yeah. He was alright here. He would be alright.

“Tav?” The voice made him jerk. Because he had not expected anyone to speak to him here – least of all this voice.

He stared into the fog. That could not be. “Tei?”

A light came closer. Closer to him. A light, carried by a person. The familiar figure of Kantei. The slender build of an elven woman. The dark skin. The black hair. And her eyes.

Next she was kneeling in front of him. “Tav. Tav, you idiot. What are you doing here? What is this?”

“I… I don’t know,” he said.

“Of course you don’t,” she muttered, starting to fumble with those shackles around his wrists. “Always getting yourself into trouble. Always…”

“I think… I think I need to be here, Tei…”

She looked at him, then at his state. “No, you don’t.” She started to search her pockets for thief tools, groaning as she could not find any.

“Tei, listen. I… I don’t understand. But… I belong here. Believe me.”

“No, you listen, Tav. You belong back in Baldur’s Gate. With me. Do you hear me, and I won’t leave without…”

The next wave splashing around both their legs was a lot higher then the ones before. There was a certain anger in it. As if whoever ruled this place wanted her gone. Yes, that had to be it.

“Tei, listen. It is alright. Go. You cannot be here.”

Another wave, this one going up to his hip.

“I will not just leave you here, you fucking idiot.” She produced a fishbone from her corset, using it to try and pick the lock of his shackles.

Another wave, this one strong enough to push Kantei over, while he was kept in place through the chains and the rock lodged inside of him.

“Tei, just go,” he begged. “I am fine.”

Coughing she got up. “No. I am not leaving you. You would never leave me, would you.”

“But you don’t understand…” Another wave. This one was flowing over them, making it impossible to breathe for a few seconds. It burned on the wounds on his back. And yet…

Kantei was screaming in frustration, as she got to the surface again. “I will not leave without this dumb idiot, darn it!” she yelled into the fog.

“But Tei,” he tried again.

“No, Tav. I am just not giving up on you.”

Then the next wave splashed over them.

 

---

 

Fhedré chuckled, as his cock finally glid into Tav, with Tav sitting on his lap. “You really are horny.”

At this accusation Tav could do no other than laugh as well. They had a bit of time with each other – it being around noon right now. “I told you I am. I actually really do like sex.” He started to move his hips, having wrapped his arms around Fhedré’s neck.

Their moans melted into each other, as Fhedré’s hands ran up and down Tav’s back. Given their position, it was mostly Tav working – and Tav liked to work it like this.

He grinded his hip against that of the other man, leaning against him. He could feel their heartbeats synchronize, while Fhedré moaned against his neck.

They kissed, before Tav just looked at the other man, and could not help but grin.

“Tav,” Fhedré whispered. He had understood by now how much Tav loved it, when he breathed his name during this. And he would not let him down. “Tav…”

Tav leaned once more harder against him, trying to leverage his weight to keep a consistent rhythm.

By now he could admit that he liked the torture and everything, that it somehow sated a deep-seated need in his soul. Maybe because it really was, what Loviatar had made him to be. He did not know it quite that well.

Still, he liked this too. The soft sex. The gentleness. Being caressed by someone else, by someone who would groan his name in pleasure.

“Fhedré,” he whispered himself, giving a low moan as a shiver ran through his body.

His hands tensed on the cleric’s back, as he groaned again. He buried his face against the other man’s neck, only to be held like this.

“Gods…”

It did not really last that long, but when they both hit their climax, Fhedré could not hold himself. He laughed, letting himself fall backwards onto the bed.

“You are quite something,” he whispered. When Tav made an effort to move, he held him at his hip. “Stay a bit. I want to feel you like this.”

“Alright.” Tav looked at him, before leaning forward to kiss him – trying to keep the cock inside his cunt for now. Then he grinned. “And of course I am horny. I am a bard after all, right?”

Fhedré looked at him. “You are?”

“Yes, of course I am.” Then Tav paused as he realized something. “I have never told you?”

“You haven’t.” Fhedré put one hand onto the side of Tav’s face. “I know surprisingly little of what you have done since you have run from that place.”

“Gods, I am sorry. I guess… I do need to rectify it then.” Tav laughed as he kissed him again – missing his lip and instead landing on his chin. “Alright. Well… Should I just ramble on, or do you have… questions?”

“Oh, my dear, I have a lot of questions,” Fhedré said. “But ramble. I love listening to your voice.” He grinned as a thought hit him. “Even if it is not moaning in desperation.”

Tav allowed himself a moment to think, before deciding to fill out that void in order. “Well, as I said. When we ran… We ran until we could not anymore. And we tried to hide and the next thing we found was this wagon. So we hid inside. And when later the people that owned it found us… They came to the right conclusions. They hid us. They were a circus travelling the Coast and they… They took us in. They gave us a place to stay. And they… took care us. Like… Like family. I told you about Minvel. He was this really old blue dragonborn, who worked with the animals of the circus. He had bad bones and came across as grumpy at times. But he was good at listening. Really good at it. And we… Well, our ringmaster, Fabella, she made a point out of the fact that we would need to work. I think she mostly wanted us to get to do something. To distract us and give us a perspective. And I… After trying things out a bit, it turned out that I had a talent for music. I had an easy time picking up on instruments. And a good singing voice. So it was this gnome lady travelling with them, Kahira, who started to properly teach me to perform. And I really… It was the first time I felt I was actually good at something that did not involve sex.”

Fhedré patiently listened, caressing Tav as he did. “But you are not with the circus anymore, are you?”

“No,” Tav said. He sighed. “Let’s say it like this. While I was at the circus, I had my heart broken for the first time. And around the same time… The girls I ran away with, they… Well, first Jevka fell in love with a millers boy, and she stayed there. Then Felis found his home because we ended up coming across his actual uncle. And then Marin left too. And I… I had this idea. That I could go out there into the world and make a difference.” He nestled stronger into the hand still on his cheek. “You know, I think… Well, I am fairly certain that my mother once had been some kind of storyteller. I do remember so little of her. But she always told me those stories that I think she made up herself. About heroes and stuff. And the entire time, while I was at the brothel, I kept fantasizing about some sort of hero or heroine coming in to save us all. But they never came. So… I thought to myself, that maybe I needed to be the one to go out into the world to safe people. And… That is what I did.”

Fhedré was watching him so intently as he was speaking, though his thumb was again and again caressing Tav’s face. “And? Did you?”

“I did safe quite a few people, yes,” Tav said. He felt that smile spread over his face, because more than anything he was proud of this. There were people alive today, that very probably would have died, had it not been for him. “I… Kantei was among them, you know? She was from a noble elven family in Neverwinter. And her mother was really involved in Neverwinter politics. So she was supposed to do this political marriage. But nobody realized that her husband to be was involved in this Red Wizard conspiracy going on there. In the end, she would probably have died, had I not been there to heal her. Though… I mean, because I suck at healing, she still has a horrible scar from it.”

“And she then… came with you?” Fhedré asked.

“Yeah. She always had wanted to be an adventurer. So, she decided to join me. And we spend two years out there, together. Adventuring. Saving people. Finding treasure, too. And giving it away.”

“So you really are one of those heroic types.” Fhedré raised an eyebrow.

“I am trying to be.” Tav sighed. “Or… I was… I was trying to be that.”

“What happened?”

“Last year… I don’t know how much you know about it. Things have started to happen out on the roads. People have showed up with powers of the gods. Chosen ones, they say. And… Things out there got chaotical.” He paused, as a thought hit him. Something he had not thought about that far, given that the priestess had not really chosen the ideal environment to impart all that information to him. She had said somethings about the rules being rewritten or something like that. And that the gods were clamoring for power because of it. Did that have something to do with it?

“What is it?” Fhedré asked.

“I… I just remembered something the Truescar said yesterday. About… About the gods having a conflict right now or something because Ao…” He tried to remember, though it had been really hard to follow the priestess during it all, given he was being fucked by those demons. “Something about Ao rewriting fate, I think?”

“Yes.” Fhedré paused for a moment. “I know about that.”

“Then explain it. Please. She… She said this has something to do with me, because… Because I am Loviatar’s chosen?”

“I thought you might be, yeah.” Fhedré seemed to need some time to order his own thoughts on the matter, but finally he explained: “From what I know – given that the Goddess only very rarely directly speaks to someone like me – the gods have been struggling for a while among themselves. And because of it, Ao has decided to rewrite the rules of the universe. From my understanding it is, that the gods can seal away some of their powers in mortals. They say that is, how Mystra has survived being murdered again and again, you know? Because some of her power is held by mortal souls, keeping her from dying for real.”

“But she is dead right now, isn’t she?” Tav asked.

“From what I have heard, she isn’t. She was brought back,” Fhedré said. “And that is why the gods gave some powers to their chosen. To keep that power around, just in case.” He caressed Tav’s cheek. “So, I guess Loviatar for some reason gave a bit of her power to you.”

The thought felt unreal to Tav still. He could not help but look down on himself. “I guess. It feels just… I mean, I guess I would not have expected to be a chosen of Loviatar of all the gods.”

“But I can see why,” Fhedré said. “Because despite everything, you do not fear pain. And that made you… It made you ideal for her.” He pushed himself up again, to be able to kiss Tav once more. “I am glad I found you when I did. Before someone else could find you. Someone, who would use this… Someone, who would misuse this.”

Tav sighed, as he leaned his forehead against Fhedré’s. “I am glad you found me, too.”

There was another kiss shared between the two of them. “Tav?” Fhedré asked.

“Yeah?”

“Your tenday… Tomorrow is the last day. But you are going to stay, right?”

Tav chuckled, but then sighed. “I think I am. I just… I might have to return to Baldur’s Gate one time to… I don’t want Kantei to think I am dead, you know? I want her… I want her that she knows at the very least what happened to me. And that she knows I am safe.” Even though he already knew that she would not consider this place safe.

Fhedré sighed and nodded. “Yeah. I guess we can do that.”

Chapter 20: A Gentle Pain

Summary:

Fhedré challenges Tav to a prolonged torture session.

Notes:

This is a fairly long chapter. This one features a lot of Impact Play, some Knife Play, some Wax Play, as well as some Humiliation and Genital Torture.

“I will make an observation.” Fhedré caressed Tav’s cheek, as they were once more in one of those torture chambers that afternoon.

Already Tav was undressed, and as standing in the middle of the room, his wrists caught in shackles, while chains were holding his arms up. “Yes?”

“You reach the state, in which you perceive pain as a good thing…” Fhedré pursed his lips, so clearly hesitant to speak the words. “You reach the state quicker, when your genitals are also stimulated in either way.”

“Yeah, I know,” Tav whispered. “I think it is because… If there is already something that can be taken for pleasure, the pain mixes with it much more readily.”

“Hey.” Smiling, Fhedré leaned over to kiss Tav’s cheek. “You know I do not judge you for it, right?”

It was still so hard to believe, given that Tav was judging himself for it a lot. “I know.”

“I told you, that I like torture that slowly builds, didn’t I?”

Tav nodded, earning him another kiss.

“That was what I was planning for today. Keep you like this for hours, unless you tell me otherwise.”

“I am alright with that,” Tav said.

“That is good to hear.” Fhedré went over to the table, where he had already prepared some torture instruments. One of them being a pear. Tav had seen that one already, and he had not complained. Even though he still very well did remember how back in the day the Misses had used such a thing against him.

Fhedré took it now, turning around to Tav. “And to keep you in that excitable state, I want this inside of you the entire time. Do you think you can handle it?”

Tav nodded. “Yes, I… I will be able to handle that.”

Once more a kiss was pressed against his lips. “I thought so. Good boy.” Then he went down onto his knees in front of Tav, while Tav just tried to willingly spread his legs as much as his current position would allow it. “Relax.”

“Mmhmm,” Tav made, before gasping as the pear was pushed into him. He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath, before he just endured as Fhedré spread the instrument wide, the metal tearing into Tav’s cunt. In the end he could not help a little whimper.

“Beautiful,” Fhedré whispered, as he got up. “You are already doing so good.”

Somehow Tav managed a smile at those words. It hurt. It hurt a lot. But yet the shiver running down his back was a pleasant one. “Kiss me,” he whispered.

And Fhedré did. He kissed him softly. Then he turned to pick a wooden paddle from the instruments he had laid out for himself.

Tav swayed a bit. With the pear inside of him, it was hard to straighten out his legs, as his hips was pushed too far apart. He ended up clinging onto the chains, holding them with his hands, as Fhedré took position.

“How many do you say?” he asked.

The question made Tav smirked. He knew this well enough. It was never a real question. Fhedré had something in mind. He might accept a number bigger than what he imagined – but certainly not smaller. So he thought about it. “Twenty-five?”

“That sounds like a good start, yes,” Fhedré said. “Will you count for me?”

“Yeah,” Tav whispered. “I think… I will manage that.”

“Good boy.” Fhedré swung that paddle, hitting it hard against Tav’s ass, just to earn another whimper.

“One.”

It hit Tav a second time. The pain was strangely changed just a bit through the fact that the pear was filling him up so much. It made it harsher. Just a bit. “Two.”

He kinda knew instinctively that Fhedré would focus on his ass and his thighs for now. He had said he wanted to slowly build the pain and Tav… Well, he was no torturer, but he understood a bit how one would go about this.

He groaned, by the time they reached “eight”. Because Fhedré had been right. Like this, the two sensations were already mixing in his mind.

“Eleven,” he whispered not shortly after, with his entire body shaking, making Fhedré pause for a moment.

“Did you just cum?” he asked, and Tav nodded.

“I did.”

Fhedré lowered the paddle, coming closer for a moment to feel between Tav’s legs. “You are dripping.”

“I know…”

“Does it make the thing more painful?”

Tav took another shaky breath, feeling the twitching, hurtful tissue around his cunt. He nodded. “It does.”

Fhedré pressed a kiss onto Tav’s cheek. “This is going to interesting…”

“I guess it is,” Tav whispered.

He closed his eyes, as Fhedré continued.

“Twelve.”

It was strange. By the time they reached twenty-five, the pain was very noticeable. Especially just a generalized pain of the hip coming from both the position, and the beating. And yet, Tav could feel his juices drip down from his cunt. His heart was racing, as his body seemed to be tingling with pleasure all over.

“You know,” Fhedré said, as he put that paddle to the side. “This is starting to get painful for me, too. Already.”

“Why?” Tav grinned, as the man stepped close to him once more.

“Because I am already so hard, that it is painful. But with your cunt filled like this, it is not as if I can fuck you.”

“I can blow you,” Tav said, making Fhedré chuckle.

“I will remember that.” With those words on his lips, he went over to his tools, considering his next move. “What do you say about making some cuts next?”

“I will leave that up to you.”

“I want to see your blood,” Fhedré whispered. He took the sharp blade, before pulling over a stool to sit in front of Tav.

“Make it pretty.”

“I can do that.” Fhedré ran his hand over Tav’s chest and stomach, before he raised the blade just to underneath Tav’s left nipple. He was so calm about it. About the way the blade pushed into the skin and tissue underneath and then simply cut down. Most people, even violent people, were kind of skittish, when it came to cutting skin and flesh, but Fhedré wasn’t. His hand was calm, as he made the cut, the blood quickly dripping out of the wound.

The wound ran in a curved line. Starting just under the nipple, then curving inwards and around Tav’s bellybutton.

Tav was shaking just a bit, but otherwise quiet. He watched the other man work with some fascination, as Fhedré cleaned of the blade, before starting underneath the right nipple now, doing the exact same pattern in reverse.

A little moan escaped Tav’s lips, making Fhedré look up once more.

“How are you feeling right now?” he asked.

“Good,” Tav whispered. And he was not even lying. “Really, really good.”

“I thought so,” Fhedré said, before he continued.

Tav was biting his lip, as the other man continued to cut his flesh. It was strange how quick things had gone this time. But it was, as if the border between pain and pleasure had already vanished, making him quiver with that new sensation.

Sweat as running over his temples, as he inadvertendly kept moving his hips in desire. He was so close to climaxing once more. So close.

The design that Fhedré was cutting into him was one of a braided pattern he realized. And it was Fhedré who in turn seemed to notice the state that Tav was in, lifting a hand to pinch one of his nipples, additionally teasing him like this, until the ecstasy was simply taking Tav over.

“This does look wonderful on you,” Fhedré said as he was finished. He cleaned of the blood from his hand, before putting the blade aside to come and caress Tav once more. “I will make it pretty too, when we initiate you. Though I am afraid I will not be able to make it quite this big then.”

“That’s alright.” Tav looked at the man and the rather simple pattern covering his chest. “We can do a big one later, right?”

“We can,” Fhedré said. Then he turned to his tools. “Do you have any preference on how we should continue?”

Tav looked at the tools as well. Most of them were for some sort of beating, though he did notice that Fhedré also had brought some wax – in  pot, rather than as a candle – as well as that electrical wand that he had used the day before.

“Can I really say?” he asked.

“You can,” Fhedré replied. “We are working together on this. We are making this beautiful.”

“Alright.” Tav tried another smile, though he felt rather shaky once more. “I… I want you to melt that wax and pour it over my back. And when it has cooled down, I want you to use a cane to beat it off me.”

“I can do that.” Fhedré took the little pot with the wax to put it over some coals. Then he watched Tav, as he was waiting for the wax to melt. “Do you like the cane?”

“I… I have not thought about that before,” Tav admitted. “I… like, how it relatively easily breaks the skin. But not… not quite as violently as a whip does, I think.” Then he allowed himself another smile. “And I like it, when you break my skin. When you make me bleed.”

“Oh, I like that too,” Fhedré whispered. He clearly could not help himself, coming over to Tav once more to kiss him. A deep and hungry kiss, that took away Tav’s breath, while making him yearn for more. “You know, since you told me about your… occupation, I cannot help myself but wonder…”

“Wonder what?”

“I never heard you sing before. Would you sing for me?”

Tav found himself chuckling again, as he was standing there. “Sure, I can do that.” Only then did he start to understand an issue. “Wait, now?”

“You could sing for me, while the wax cools,” Fhedré offered. Once more he went to stir in the wax pot, to allow everything to melt down properly.

“I guess I could.” Tav continued to watch the other man, until the wax finally seemed to have melted. When Fhedré came back to Tav, carrying that pot, Tav closed his eyes.

As well as he could given his binds and the thing still so painfully pressing apart his cunt. He wanted to feel the wax on his back, rather than it just dripping down to the ground, so he tried to press his back further out.

His anticipation made him jerk just a bit, when Fhedré simply touched his back, running his hand over Tav’s shoulder.

Fhedré said nothing. He just caressed Tav’s back, before starting to pour the wax.

A whimper escaped Tav. Because this was still quite new. Sure, he had been tortured just a bit with candlewax before. But this amount of it was a lot hotter than a simple droplet from the candle. It flowed over his shoulders, a part of it pouring over his lower back to, even down to his already burning ass and thighs, while some of it simply dripped to the ground.

His whimper slowly turned into a groan, as the last of it was burning his shoulders. He squirmed a bit, as the desire was flooding his body again. He moved his hip, trying to get himself just over the edge but unable to quite get there this time. And oh, how he hated that. To come this close to another climax only to be denied by his own body.

It seemed though, that Fhedré understood. Once more he came close, before one of his fingers found its way into Tav’s ass.

Tav yelped, as he had not expected this kind of touch, but next nestled up to Fhedré was well as his binds allowed him to. His moans were no longer held back, as he Fhedré moved that finger, dipping it in and out of Tav’s ass again and again. Something that also felt so weirdly strange, given how filled up Tav already was.

Still, Tav moaned, he squirmed, and in the end, he climaxed once again, burying his face against Fhedré’s neck as he did.

Just like before, the way his cunt was twitching from the orgasm made him even more aware of the giant pear inside of it. Made it even more painful. But he still… He found he liked the pain even now. Even though he would have given a lot to be fucked properly by the other man.

“Better now?” said other man asked.

Tav nodded. “Yeah.”

“Good.” Carefully Fhedré let go of him again, before going to wash his hand. “You still owe me a song, pretty little bard.”

Tav’s chuckle was weak, as he looked over to the other man. “You really mean it.”

“Oh yes. I cannot wait,” Fhedré said. “Sing for me.”

“Gods…” Tav took a deep breath, then another one, another one. He took a moment to even remember any songs. It turned out that this kind of situation was not the kind that kept his brain working properly. But in the end he managed to remember one song.

 

Drink up! Drink Up! My brother, drink up!

Drink up, my brother, now empty your cup!

Drink up! Drink up! My sister, you too.

Drink up, and listen to my stories few.

 

There once was a man, his name might be lost.

He came to my village, just days before the frost.

He was a weary fellow, that much I can tell.

With him came strange rumors, he couldn’t quell.

 

His voice sounded just a bit hollow. He was not sure whether it was because he was hoarse already, or if it was just the acoustics of the chamber. After all he assumed that a torture chamber was not build for good acoustics.

Singing was also not quite that easy, when your arms were fixed and your chest was bleeding, hurting with every deep breath. But he managed. He knew how to breath. It was one of those things he had learned. In fact, right now, right at this moment, he started to wonder whether it was, why he was such a good singer.

That he had learned good breathing early on.

His eyes watched Fhedré, who watched him in turn, while Tav continued that drinking song.

It felt a strange song for the occasion, but it was the first that had come to his mind. He wondered if Fhedré even knew it. He did not seem the kind of man to know such a song, but then again, he had told Tav that he had drowned his sorrows in alcohol after his family had died, hadn’t he?

Just as he was getting further into the song, he could see how Fhedré took the cane, starting to go back into position. Yet, he patiently waited for the song to finish. Not as soon as Tav had sung the last note, though, did the cane hit his shoulders, making him yelp. And the cane hit again. And again. Five times. Already breaking some skin – as well as breaking off the cold wax now.

“You do have a beautiful voice,” Fhedré said. “Though I do like your screams just a bit better.” He hit him again – once more five times, though the hits were focused on the lower back now. “How many do you think it should be now?”

Tav was groaning, was squirming once more. Yet, he knew the answer. This time he knew it very well. “Fifty. I deserve fifty.”

“Yeah, I think you do.” And so, Fhedré kept beating him, the cane so quickly not only shattering the wax on the skin, but also breaking the already wound and partly burned skin underneath. The pain resulting from it – from the cane breaking burned skin – was something truly special. Each time it happened, the pain was flooding Tav’s body for a short time, filling his entire existence, before slowly becoming a bit easier to ignore.

Yet everytime, it also triggered something else inside of Tav. This desire. Oh, this desire. It was pain, but it was beautiful.

He was shaking, by the time Fhedré was finished with this. In fact he was not even quite able to tell, whether he had climaxed again. He just knew, that his brain started to get this wonderful feeling that he loved so much more.

“Gods, you look amazing like this,” Fhedré whispered. “I will let you down to your knees now, alright?”

Tav could not really think. He just nodded. “Uhum.” It was not that easy, though, given that his legs might be willing to keep him standing upright, but when he tried to kneel down – once again having to fight with the resistance coming from the pear – he just fell forward. It was Fhedré, who had to pull him onto his knees.

With feverish eyes he looked at Fhedré now, who just opened his trousers. And Tav understood. He opened his lips and took the cock in.

Funny. They had not done this before. Even though Tav did feel some pride regarding his skills. And he wanted to show off. He wanted to show Fhedré what he could do, as he started to tease the tip of the cock with lips and tongue, sucking it. He wanted to be gentle, though he could not quite hold back the hunger that was taking him over right now.

Fhedré just let him work, giving little moans as if to encourage him. His moans became especially loud, when Tav took in the full length for the first time. Maybe not that surprising, though. Yeah, Fhedré would be one of those enjoying this sight, wasn’t he?

Tav tried to keep that in mind, as he further worked that cock. He could sense Fhedré’s arousal slowly taking over. Yeah, he could sense it, in the way the cock the cock was twitching just a bit. A smile spread on Tav’s lips, only to be supplanted by an expression of confusion, when Fhedré grabbed him by his braid, pulling him back, just as he blew his shot into Tav’s face.

Fhedré’s groan was almost animalistic, as he watched Tav like this. “Just like I thought,” he whispered. “This is also a good look on you.” He ran his fingers over Tav’s now rather sticky cheek.

For a long moment Tav stared at him. But then he smiled.

“Do you want me to continue?” Fhedré asked, and Tav just nodded.

“Yes. Please.”

 

***

 

It was not fully two hours. At least Tav did not think so. Funnily enough it might be because Fhedré was a bit impatient in this regard. The demons during the trial, they had allowed for Tav to really feel the pain for a while. With no new sensations added. Just the pain that already was there. Fhedré just could not wait. He had to make Tav react in one way or another.

By the time, he opened the shackles around Tav’s wrists though, he had to keep Tav standing, had to lower Tav carefully to the ground.

“You look like a beautiful mess right now,” he whispered, as he bedded Tav on a blanket on the table. “We need to clean you up properly now.”

Tav did not answer. He just focused on breathing now.

“I am going to take out the pear now.” Fhedré moved around the table to be between Tav’s legs, and somehow Tav still managed to spread them for him.

His entire body was jerking though, as Fhedré finally got the pear to fold up once more, and pulled it out. Even when it was out, he continued to twitch and spasm just a bit.

“You are overstimulated right now, aren’t you?” Fhedré just softly caressed Tav’s knee. “Wait a moment.” He got a towel, using it to roughly clean up Tav’s face, that was still sticky with cum. Then he kept the towel lying over Tav’s eyes.

After a long moment, Tav allowed himself to close his eyes. He tried to focus on breathing, to get his body back under control. Those spasms were still holding, and they were kind of hard to bear. Still. He focused. He focused and he slowly managed to at least start controlling his breath.

“My cunt.” He took another breath. “Please just… Heal it first.”

“Sure.” Fhedré’s touch now was strangely unerotical, as three of his fingers found their way into the painful cunt, the warm sensation of the healing magic slowly spreading out.

Tav whimpered, as he could feel his tissue mend. He knew that Fhedré was most certainly right: He was overstimulated right now. Not just sexually, but with all sort of sensations. This just made it a little better.

“Should I take you to my room to heal and wash you?” Fhedré asked.

And Tav sighed. “Yeah.”

He left the towel over his eyes, until Fhedré took it away just to exchange it against a blindfold. Then the older man scooped Tav up carefully from the table, holding him tight as he carried him out of the chamber.

Tav was thankful for the blindfold. Right now he could not deal with light, he realized.

The session had been good, while it lasted. It was just that now that it had stopped and that flurry of sensations had ended, he felt weirdly brittle. As if a wrong touch would break him apart. It was not even really a bad feeling. It was just… a feeling. A sensation. It… It was.

“Was it too much today?” Fhedré asked.

“No.” Tav kept his eyes closed. “I enjoyed it. I just… As you said… I am overstimulated now.”

“Alright.” Tav could hear how Fhedré opened a door, and just a bit later he was put down. “Is there anything I can do to make it better besides healing you?”

Tav had to think about it for a moment, as he wasn’t sure. But then he actually had an idea. “Talk to me. Just… talk. I… Your voice is helping right now.”

“It is?”

“Yeah,” Tav whispered. “Just… talk.” Once more he could hear some water being moved – being summoned no doubt.

“Anything particular, you want me to talk about?”

Honestly, Tav would not have minded any topic. And if Fhedré had given him a two hour talk about materials used in whips, it would have probably been fine. But asked like this, Tav could not help but think of this one request. “Your family. You… You said you had a family, right? Before… Before they died.”

Fhedré sighed. For a moment Tav almost expected him to protest against it, but he didn’t. “Sure.” He came back to Tav with a wet towel in hand, and even though Tav jerked back, when the towel touched him, he carefully started to wash him. “I… I told you, I had a very simple life. Like most people out there. My parents were farmers and my grandparents before them were too. And I never wished for anything else. I had a total of five siblings, though three of them died before they reached adulthood. Which is… It happens a lot out there, you know?”

“I know.” Tav tried not to pant, as the towel was cleaning out the wounds on his chest. “How did they die?”

“Lavrie, my one sister, just died of the coughs. Then my brother Jethen got mauled by… we believe it was a lycanthrope. And my other brother Krebhen lost his foot in an accident and then… It seemed to be good for a while, you know. But then it suddenly was infected again and the fever killed him.” Fhedré was so careful as he was cleaning the wound, though it did not stop Tav from shaking a bit. “My father meanwhile… He died also when I was young. Sixteen. We do not know what happened. Just… One day in winter he had gone out to find us some wood. And he came back so horrible pale and trembling. My mother always swore it must have been a fae getting to him. I don’t know.”

Tav was not really sure whether he would even properly remember all this later on, as he was not fully trusting his mind right now. “You said you got married.”

“Yes. I had a husband. Yette. We married, when I was just twenty years old.” Now Fhedré put his hand onto Tav’s chest, starting to heal the wounds here. “We… He was from Waterdeep itself, you know? Youngest son of a merchant. I met him on the market once, and I just… I fell for him on the spot. I knew nothing about him, but I knew he was my future husband.”

“What did he look like?” Tav asked.

“His skin was very tan, a bit like yours,” Fhedré replied. “He had very dark hair, that would always twirl and fall in locks. And in summer, he had a ton of freckles. I never have seen anyone with so many freckles before. They would spread over his shoulders and chest, too.” It was clear from Fhedré’s voice that he was smiling, as he spoke. “He was a year older than me, you know? But I just… I started courting him. Properly. And… I guess I originally came on too strong. But… It was silly. In the end, his father asked me to accompany him on a journey for two tendays. And… Well, at the end of it, my feelings were required – and I could not have been happier.”

Slowly the pain in the chest started to dissipate, making it just a bit easier to breathe. Though Tav did not dare to do much other than just lie there and wait for the sensations to calm down. “And you had kids?”

“Yeah.”

“Were they… your own?” After all, if one had the money for the right potions, it was not that hard for even a man to get pregnant.

But Fhedré sighed. “No. Hevra was born by my cousin out of wedlock, and she… She was just seventeen at the time. And we offered to take the girl. And the little one – he did not even yet have a proper name… His parents already had eight kids at the time. So we took him in.” He carefully lifted his hand as Tav’s chest had fully healed. “I would have loved a kid of my own, though. If we had been ever able to afford the potions, I might have… I would have loved a child with Yette.” His voice was breaking just a bit as he seemed to consider that life that had never happened in the end.

And Tav did not know, what he could answer to it. Well, maybe other than this: “I always wanted a kid. Or two. At some point. Though I do feel quite egoistic about it some times. Because… I feel like I just… I want a kid, so that they can have a better childhood than I had.”

“How is that egoistical?” Fhedré asked.

“Because I just want it for that reason. To… To maybe kind of live vicoriously through them or something.”

“By giving them a good childhood?”

“Yeah…”

“Tav…” Fhedré seemed to be hesitating. “Can I touch your face right now?”

“I don’t know,” Tav said. “You can try.”

So, Fhedré tried. He caressed Tav’s cheek carefully. “I know that… If you ever decided for it, you could be a great dad. I am sure of it.”

Tav took a long, and once more very shaky breath. “You really think so?”

“Yes,” Fhedré said. “I know it in fact.”

Tav was not sure what to reply, yet he noticed that those words made him smile. He leaned into the touch. “I am sorry… I am so sorry you lost them. I cannot even begin to imagine what it must be like…”

“Just like I cannot begin to imagine the thing that ‘Misses’ put you through,” Fhedré said. “But… It’s alright. To know that it still hurts, at least means that we are… still alive.”

 

***

 

There was a purpose in the way the hooks were holding up Tav’s arms, as the whip was slashing over his back again and again. He still did not know where he was, only that the ocean was nearby. He could smell it. But it did not matter, because in the end, he knew quite well, that he had made the decision to be here. He had made the decision, because he knew it was for the best. It was the best thing he could do to help and heal the world.

So he endured those lashes. So many lashes. On his back and his chest. Lashes, that left his skin hanging in tattered pieces. But what harm was there to it? It was nothing that could not be healed in the end. And until then, his suffering did serve a purpose.

He could feel Her close. He could feel Her caress. There was a strange kind of gentleness in it. In the way She was touching him. Because She was touching him. She was touching him. A Goddess’s touch. So soft… He wanted to take it in. He wanted to enjoy it. To be touched like this. To be caressed. It was soothing an ache in his soul he had not noticed before.

And yet, he did not see the other person coming. He did not see her coming close. She was carrying something. An amulet maybe. Something shining in the twilight surrounding him.

“No. No. No.” She whispered the same word again and again, as she came to kneel in front of him. “Tav… Gods, what is happening. Just tell me what is happening?” She was not even sure how to touch him, given the wound covering him.

“It’s alright, Tei,” he whispered. “I am fine. I am fine.”

She started to hum, started to summon the energy for a spell. A healing spell, as he realized.

“Don’t. I am going to be alright.”

“This is not alright, Tav,” she said. “This is not fine, either. You are not fine.” Her hand hovered over his chest.

“It is, Tei. Just believe me. I made my decision. I…”

“No. Tav. I don’t understand. I don’t… What is happening? I heard you calling for me. I… Where are we? Why are we here? Why are you here?”

He breathed slowly. “Tei…”

“Answer me, Tav. Where are you right now?”

“I…”

“Tav, please.”

Another dream. He knew it to be. But Kantei. She seemed so real. She reacted just as he imagined she would in this situation. And somehow… Her reaction hurt more than those wounds covering his body.

“Tav…” She was pleading.

But what could he say?

Chapter 21: The Dragon's Breath

Summary:

As promised, Tav offers himself as a sacrifice for another ritual. However, the outcome is not quite as expected.

Notes:

Another chapter with religious torture.

Kinks/CW: Sensory Deprivation, Whipping, Cutting, Branding, Genitale Torture, Monsterfucking

“He is big,” Tav whispered, looking at the dragon. This was a blue dragon, not a juvenile either like the one during the other ritual. This one was closer to an adult – and frankly, Tav did not know how much difference it would make in terms of cock size, but the thought made him shiver.

“He is.” Fhedré was braiding Tav’s hair still. “But you can handle it. It is what the potion is for.” He was careful as he tied the hair together. “Viola did not explain the last time, but the potion protects your organs. Including your cunt. There will be some tearage, but nothing more. Things will stay together and will return where they are supposed to be once it is over.”

Tav shivered at the thought. “It hurt a lot the last time around.”

“In a good way or a bad way?”

The truth was, that Tav did not know. It had come as too much of a surprise for him to really think about it. So he shook his head. “You will be amazing in this,” he promised, before he started with the lotion. “And this time, just so that you know what you will be getting into… This is a different ritual from the last time. And during it, there will be branding happening. But I promise you, that it will be healed afterwards, alright?”

“Yeah, that is fine,” Tav said. “I… The demons doing the trial. They branded me too. It is alright. I can handle it.”

“Good.” Fhedré got those leather gloves, before he started to spread the lotion over Tav’s body, the tingling Tav knew by now following soon.

They were not in the temple, rather at an altar build into a cliff. It gave Tav a strange feeling of deja-vu, as he could hear the ocean. The space around the altar was wide and at one side open to the sea. Tav could actually see it from here. Just as he could smell it.

A nice place to get tortured, he assumed.

Besides him, Fhedré and that blue dragon, there were seven more people here, who would in some way participate in the ritual. He did not know how. Probably simply through prayer. If they were going to fuck him, too, Fhedré would tell him that beforehand.

“There is one other thing I would like for this,” Fhedré said.

“Yeah?” Tav asked.

“Give yourself your cock. I would love to torture it for this.”

Tav smiled a little, even though this smile was hesitant. Then his fingers found his clit. Once more he whispered the spell, as he started to shape the flesh, gasping just a bit as he did.

“Beautiful,” Fhedré whispered, before spreading the lotion on it, too. He took off the gloves, before getting the blindfold.

Tav had been informed already, that this would be like the trial – with his senses taken from him. Not to keep anything secret from him, but to allow him to focus on the pain, as the pain would be needed to complete the ritual.

A magic creation, he had been told. But it was for a cause. So this was alright.

“You will do good,” Fhedré said once more, before tying that enchanted blindfold around Tav’s head, taking his senses.

From then on, Tav could only follow. When Fhedré pressed the gag against his lips, Tav opened his mouth to take it in. It was a bigger gag, because Tav had wanted a bigger gag.

He could sense that soft caress, as Fhedré ran his hand over his back. And then he waited. And waited. Until Fhedré took his hand to guide him. He knew where. Into the center in front of the altar.

He would be standing at first. Tav already knew. His hands and legs wound be bound to the ground by chains though. As such he just let them close the shackles in place. Not that he would try to escape anything if he was not tied down.

Helpless. He was so fully helpless right now. With his senses taken and him tied down, there was not much he could do. Especially not gagged, either.

Fhedré normally always gave him an out – even though Tav had never used it. There was no “out” in this. Just like during the last ritual. There was no out. He would go through the entire ritual, through the entire torture till the very end.

But it was still for a good cause. To bring power to Loviatar, and help her help those suffering – in her own way. She was already helping Tav. Her chosen.

Tav was vaguely aware of the ritual starting. It was the weave suddenly vibrating in the air that got his attention. And still, that first lash came out of nowhere. It was one of those barbed whips, cutting open his back as it hit. And then hit again. And again.

Tav focused on his breathing. It was Fhedré doing this, and Tav would know it the entire time. It was Fhedré so purposefully inflicting this pain onto him.

Seven times the whip made contact with his back. Blood was already running down his back. He could feel the warmth of it. Just as he could feel the burning of the wounds.

He was not aware of what everyone was doing. But the next time the whip hit him, it was across his chest, making him hiss – though he could not hear it himself. A tremble went though his body, as once more his instinct was to protect himself and his organs.

He couldn’t, though. All he could do was to trust Fhedré to stay true to his promise.

Seven strikes. Again it was seven. Then there was a long silence again.

He kinda knew what would come next. Because among the things prepared, he had seen those hooks, and he had seen those beautifully decorated weights. So he had to assume those would end up in his nipples sooner or later.

And indeed. The next time he could feel Fhedré’s touch, the other man was caressing Tav’s nipples, was pinching them first, was pulling them. Then the first hook was pushed through the left nipple, making Tav groan against the gag. Once more inaudible for himself. The same happened, as the next hook penetrated the right nipple.

Fhedré allowed himself a short moment caressing Tav’s cheek, before he disappeared out of that tiny bubble that made up Tav’s existence right now again.

Tav stood there. Waited. Those weights were tearing at his nipples, but it was nothing he could no handle. He wondered what was exactly happening now, though. Minutes passed without any new pain. Minutes, in which those weights kept tearing him, just as he could also feel the blood trickling down his back slowly.

The next sensation he felt, was a touch against that artificial cock. Someone – probably Fhedré – grabbed it, rubbed it. Another kind of touch that made Tav tremble, made him move his hip just a bit. It took him a moment to understand, that Fhedré seemed to actually want to make him cum. But Tav gave in, allowing the pleasure to take him over. It was surprisingly easy. Almost a conscious decision, even though it made his legs feel weak never the less.

He had not expected though, that the moment he came was met with another needle through his cock. He was pretty sure the sound he made at this – even though kept down by the gag – was either a scream or a howl.

He could feel a little burning in his eyes, as the change of pace had been too sudden. Yet, he kept himself from struggling, just enduring as other needles were made to follow. The pain was strangely good at digging itself into his head now, though. Better than it had been before. He was not sure why. Was it, because it had followed to him being rubbed off – or because of the lotion making him so extremely sensitive.

When the needles were all in place, Fhedré ran his finger along the now painful length of the cock, before once more disappearing.

No tears escaped the blindfold. They were all soaked up. Though they were running now. They definitely were running.

There was a pull on the shackles around his wrists. But it took him a moment to realize, he was supposed to kneel down. He did so, in the end, though. He knelt and waited once more.

He was kind of surprised, as the next touch he felt was another soft touch against his cock. Someone – again he had to assume Fhedré – cupped it from underneath, caressing it for a moment. Only to follow it up with a white-hot burning against the top of it. A hot iron, Tav realized, his entire body shaking in the pain.

For a moment, he was almost expecting to black out. He was not sure why he didn’t. But he tried to focus on his breath, to calm it down and to endure.

He was whimpering. That much he was sure of. That cock – his clit just spelled large – was burned now, and the pain of this sensitive area burned was nothing he could even describe. It was overwriting everything else. He did not even feel the other pains of his body right now. The burning was all that existed.

He was not sure, what he would have done, had he been able to speak. He might have begged them to stop. But he could not speak. He could not do anything.

There was another tender moment, as Fhedré caressed his cheek. And all Tav could do find comfort by leaning into this soft sensation, though it was barely a notice on his existence taken over by pain right now.

Yet, the torture was not over. He realized that as there was a new burning. Iron, once more. It was pressed against his chest this time, slowly drawn over it in a line, as the iron only cooled down a bit.

Tav knew he screamed. He knew it.

And it would not end with this. Not soon after the iron made contact with his body again.

Tav tried to keep his breath controlled. Because he knew he could. He could take some branding against his skin. It was just… He had not imagined Fhedré would go for his cock. He had just not imagined it. And now he was off balance. Now he found it hard to get back into the right headspace.

He had to breathe. And he had to breathe slowly.

He tried to relax and find the pleasure in the pain again. Because he knew he could do it. He tried to find that arousal once more that would usually be guiding him through this experience once more.

Right now he wished to have just a moment to relax, but as the next line was burned into his chest, he could not do this. So what could he do? He was not certain. Back at the trial it had been the realization, that he was a thing. And right he wanted to be turned into a thing again – because a thing could endure this suffering.

When the iron touched his chest again, he was kind of expecting it.

Falling. Let go. He tried to keep this in his mind. Let go.

The pain was so controlling. The pain from his cock. But he had to welcome this pain, too. It too served a purpose. And he had to find it.

Maybe he would’ve been able to deal without the lotion. Maybe he would’ve been able to deal without everything else. He did not know. Darn. He wished Fhedré had just warned him about this – about this one specific thing.

Breathing. He had to breathe. He had to keep breathing. Slowly. Not hyperventilate. He wanted to keep conscious, even if it meant enduring the pain.

Now Fhedré moved to his back, the iron burning him there.

More tears were wetting the blindfold, but Tav just knew he had to keep going. He had to keep breathing.

Purpose. Find the purpose in it.

He wondered how his screams were sounding now. He knew he was screaming, was whining maybe. His body was shaking once more. Was shaking the entire time. His heart was beating so much, that it might have hurt, had it not been for all the different pains.

Then finally his little break came. The moment, when Fhedré stopped branding him new. The moment he could finally process the pain that was already there.

How much longer until they would come to the draconic part of the ritual?

His cock. Oh, his cock was hurting so badly. It was hurting so badly, that the pain seemed to reach from it to his head, to his feet even, twinging even his toes. But he had to feel it. He had to feel this pain as well. He had to welcome it.

Slow.

He managed to slow down his breath. He managed to calm himself just a bit.

There was beauty in this pain even. No matter how bad it was in this moment. There could be something good found in it as well. Because even this pain would not be permanent. In an hour, if even that much, it would be gone. So until then he should find the good in it. He should find what it would take to learn from it in a way.

Take it. Enjoy it.

Yes. Enjoy it.

Enjoy it.

Fhedré was there again, as Tav calmed down. He dared to give another one of those comforting gestures, caressing Tav’s hair. Tav was not sure how long this moment lasted, but he knew that it helped. It brought something of the more comforting tingle back into his body.

Maybe Fhedré noticed, because now he guided him carefully to lie down. And Tav did. His legs spread apart he lied down, allowing himself to be bound this way.

This was like last time. They pulled his legs over his body, just so the dragon could get a better angle to push into him. Gods… How big that dragon had been.

Then Fhedré was gone once more, but Tav could sense the dragon move. He could feel the beast come close.

A wide claw pressed down on his injured and burned chest, and Tav kept breathing. He could feel the dragon’s breath against himself and somehow he was not even surprised as he felt the electricity take charge of him.

Painful, too. But strangely almost a relief.

He groaned probably, but he did not struggle. He did not even cry any longer, even as it came two more times – both times swelling first, before slowly letting off.

It was not enough to entirely overwrite that one pain, though.

Just another pain. Making his body twitch and spasm.

Only then did the dragon switch his position. Tav took another deep breath, before he undoubtedly screamed once more as the creature started to press into him. It was too big once more. Way too big. But he knew he would not die from it, that he was magically protected. For a moment, however, that sensation – of the gargantuan fucking dragon cock pushing into him – was overwriting everything else.

And yet… It was not quite as bad as last time. Even though the blue dragon was undoubtedly the bigger creature with the bigger cock. Yet, Tav had known what would come and that… it made it better. It made it more easily to endure. Because he was not afraid.

He arched his back, wondering how he looked right now. He could not meet the dragon’s thrusts, but he could enjoy them. Oh, he could enjoy them.

He did enjoy them.

The realization came as a surprise, but a good surprise never the less. It was the dragon’s thrusts that made him slowly find that equilibrium between pleasure and pain, that allowed him to even turn the searing pain of his cock into something he could deal with.

Yes. He could deal with it.

More than that. He could enjoy it.

He allowed the feeling that was coming over him now to take him – to take him fully. It rushed him away. While one moment he had been writhing in pain, the next moment he was spasming from a climax, and he could feel that he would be taking this some more.

He knew himself to be groaning with pleasure now.

It was strange, wasn’t it? It was strange, but good.

Oh, he might even like this. At least the part of the fucking giant dragon cock in his cunt. It was surprisingly nice, once he was no longer fearing to be ripped into pieces from it. Yeah. He was liking this. Gods, he was liking this. Because on its own it was this perfect sensation balancing pleasure and pain for him. Especially with how hard the dragon was thrusting into him.

The load the dragon put into him, was giant as well, probably. Tav was almost disappointed when it was over. When the dragon pulled out of him.

Yet, when once more the electricity was making his body spasm, he welcomed it. Yes, he was welcoming it. Just as he welcomed it, when he found a single claw of the dragon push into his ass and play around with him like this.

Another shock, that came probably natural to the dragon. And Tav just dove right into it. Because yes, this was nice. This was nice now.

Nice enough to feel another climax just come over him. Wash him away.

He was hurting so badly, but it was good. It was so good. And they would continue with it, wouldn’t they.

Another shock. And some more pain. Beautiful pain.

He was kinda missing the dragon’s cock though. Yeah, he was kinda missing it. He kinda wanted it back to mix with this pain.

But he could with the pain too. With the pain taking him over. The pain that kept his body in its clutches. It was such a strong sensation.

It seemed that right now he was fully at the mercy of the dragon. He did not feel afraid of it though. Because he knew that no matter what happened, he would live. He would live. He would not die.

And even though his senses were taken from him, apart from his pain and his pleasure, he felt like he was finding a strange rhythm with the creature. Like a weirdly one-sided dance. Of pain, and shock, and that wonderful tingle.

And then…

Something shifted. He knew it did. It was like something shattered – like reality shifted. And he knew, that with this… the ritual was over, wasn’t it?

The fact, that the dragon moved away from him, proofed him right, he thought.

He just laid there. Twitching still. Twitching, because he could do nothing against it. But his brain was still in the equilibrium, making even his screaming cock weirdly alright to endure.

At least a few minutes passed, in which nothing happened. But then someone came close. Someone, who so carefully removed the blindfold.

“Tav?” Fhedré asked. Then he smiled. “You are still conscious.”

“Hmm.” That was the most of an answer that Tav could give with the gag still in his mouth. The gag, which Fhedré now removed, just as all the other sensations were coming back to Tav.

It was a bit much, making him close his eyes. Though with so many people there, it was also a lot of noise. He kinda wished the blindfold back.

Then, however, somewhere in his numb mind he realized, that one of the sounds he was hearing did not make sense.

It was the voice of someone struggling. Someone who probably had been gagged, too. Yeah. He could hear the movement of someone trying to free themselves.

He opened his eyes, even though it hurt his head. And he looked around.

Just as the person managed to get themselves loose. “Tav!” they screamed, and then they were by his side.

Only that it did not make any sense for them to be here. For her to be here. How did she get to be here?

This was a bit too much. “Kantei?”

Notes:

Yeah, here we get to the more or less half-way point of the twist. Kantei is here now, and she will not be having any of this. lol

Chapter 22: His Love

Summary:

Tav finds Kantei by his side, not understanding how she got here. And obviously his girlfriend is not quite happy to see the kind of rituals he is involved with now.

“Gods, what have those assholes done to you?” Kantei was whispering as she sat by his side. “Tav…” She hesitated for just a moment, before pressing her hands against his chest – probably to heal him.

It did not change the fact though, that his body was aching, and his nerves were on edge. The touch alone was too much, was too painful.

He screamed. Had he not still been bound, he would have tried to scuttle away from her, but as he was, he kept squirming on the ground. His eyes were looking for something safe, something to get him out of this situation – and they found Fhedré.

“Please. Please, Fhedré,” Tav whispered, and maybe he understood.

He grabbed Kantei by the shoulders, pulling her away from Tav. “Let him be.”

“Don’t you fucking dare to touch him.” Turning around, Kantei backhanded the man – something he clearly had not seen coming. She hissed at him, before trying to return to Tav’s side, but Fhedré held her by the should.

“He does not need that right now,” he said firmly.

Kantei’s teeth were gritted. “You did that to him! You…” She turned around to Tav, as he was lying there. Bleeding and burned. “You nearly killed him!”

Tav’s mind struggled to understand still. Why was she here? How was she here? He did not know. He did not understand. He wanted to be alone with Fhedré and get healed. Slowly, softly. Just like they had done over those last tenday. “Tei…”

“His body is very sensitive right now,” Fhedré said. “You cannot just heal him.”

“Watch me!” she growled, trying to get loose from him once more.

“Please, Tei. No.” Tav shook his head, while more tears were running down his cheeks. “Please. Let Fhedré heal me, please.”

“Tav…” There was something in her eyes. A pain of her own. One very different to his pain, though. “What is going on?”

“Please,” he just repeated. He still did not understand why she could be here – or how she had found him. But he knew… He knew that he could right now not deal with her. Right now he wanted Fhedré to take him away, and heal him. And then… Then maybe tomorrow. “Let Fhedré just… Please, Tei.” He was still hurting so much. “Please, Tei…”

It was at that point, that two of the other Loviatans were there, holding Kantei back once again, just to earn her ire.

She howled in anger, trying to fight herself loose, while Fhedré came over to Tav. Carefully he opened up those shackles holding him, before caressing his cheek. “This is your girlfriend?”

Tav just nodded. A sob rose in his throat.

“Tav…” Fhedré looked at him. “What do you need now?”

Tav raised his shaky arms, wrapping them around Fhedré’s neck. He whined just a little, as the burned skin on his chest got into contact with Fhedré’s body. “Room. Your room. Heal me.”

“I will do that,” Fhedré said. He was careful as he picked him up, though it did not stop Tav from whimpering in pain, whenever he made contact to the burned skin.

Still. Fhedré took him. He took him away.

“Tav!” that was Kantei screaming behind them. “Tav!”

“I know this is a lot,” Fhedré said. “I know it is. But what should happen to her? Should we…”

Tav had closed his eyes. As well as he could given his current state, he had curled up in Fhedré’s arms. “Can she… Can she be brought to the temple? I… I wanna talk to her… I need… I need to. Just… I cannot… Not now.”

“That’s alright.” Fhedré turned his direction. He went to talk to someone. And while he did, Tav could feel himself getting even more limp in the man’s arms.

He did not faint. But he also noticed, how his brain stopped following what was going on around him. Instead he just… He floated. He floated in this state somewhere between consciousness and unconsciousness.

He did realize that Fhedré was bringing him through a portal. But that was the most of what he noticed, until the other man carefully put him down, caressing him.

“Are you still awake?” Fhedré whispered, his voice coming from far away.

It took indeed some willpower for Tav to answer. “Uhum. Awake.”

“We are back at the temple. In our room.” A kiss was pressed onto Tav’s forehead. “I will take care of you now, alright?”

“Mmhmm.” That was all Tav managed. It was as if his brain was stuck in a bog. He could not really think clearly. Half his mind was asleep – the other half still very much aware of the pain taking him over right now. He knew what he needed. But it was so hard to communicate. Because one pain was so much worse than all the others.

“C…” He tried. “Cock. Heal… Please. Heal it first.”

“I can do that,” Fhedré said. “I can do that.” Tav was fairly sure he summoned some water again – though right now even that was too much. Hells, it was too much that Fhedré started pulling out those needles, leaving Tav to writhe on that bed.

Again there were tears in his eyes. There were sobs coming over his lips. He did not want to sob. He did not want Fhedré to think he could not handle it. Still. There were sobs. He could not help it. There were sobs, until his consciousness did end up leaving him. Leaving him to the wonderfully cold darkness.

 

---

 

When Tav awoke, his body was no longer hurting. He was healed, that much was clear. He was healed and washed, and Fhedré was there, holding him. A warm embrace. It was what Tav needed. What Tav always needed.

For a while he was content like this. Lying there. Being held. He did not think that Fhedré had noticed he had woken. But that was alright as well.

Tav just laid there. Soaking in the warmth. He was still not thinking quite clearly, but he was thankful that the pain was gone now. Yeah… He did remember that for some reason he had not been quite as good during this ritual. Embarrassing really. It had not been that much worse than before, had it? And yet…

Then, out of nowhere, another thought came, however. The memory of what had happened after the ritual. Of the very unlikely thing to have happened.

He almost instantly sat up. “Tei!”

It was clear that he had surprised Fhedré with this. Fhedré, who carefully caressed his shoulder now. “Hey. It’s alright.”

“Tei is here, isn’t she?” Tav said, looking at him. “I did not dream it, right? She was there. At the ritual.”

“She was,” Fhedré confirmed. “Calm down. She is safe, I swear.”

Tav looked at him, looked at those grey eyes, that were becoming really familiar already. “How… How was she there?”

“I don’t know,” Fhedré said. “I was too focused on you during the ritual. I just know that at some point she suddenly was there and had to be restrained, because she would’ve otherwise ruined it.”

Of course Kantei would’ve tried to stop it. To stop that ritual. Because she could not understand the value in the pain. But she was probably so worried about him now. He needed to talk to her. He needed to explain it to her. She had to understand. Well, as much as she was capable to at least.

He pushed his legs out of the bed, trying to get up. Only to notice that neither his legs, nor his head seemed to willing to cooperate. He swayed, then fell.

“Careful there,” Fhedré said. “You are… The ritual took a bit out of you, I am afraid.” He was now next to Tav, helping him up. “You should lie down until tomorrow.”

“But Kantei,” Tav whispered. “I need to talk to her. I…”

“Again. She is safe. You can talk to her tomorrow.” Fhedré was still careful, as he navigated Tav back to the bed, putting him down carefully. “I am going to get you something to eat now. It is supper time. Please, promise me you will stay in bed. You are not strong enough right now to walk.”

Tav looked at his legs. They were trembling. Then he sighed. “I promise.”

“Good boy,” Fhedré whispered, kissing Tav’s hair. “We will get you bathed later on. But first supper, alright?”

“Alright,” Tav whispered.

He let himself sink back against the pillows, before just going to wait. Though it did still all make no sense.

How could Kantei be here? How could she have been at the ritual? He had no idea where that ritual side had been, but he knew they had accessed it through a portal. And he was fairly sure it had not been anywhere near the Gate.

Kantei should not have been able to find it. She should not have been able to find him.

He had wanted to talk to her. To talk to her. But not for her to see it. For her to see any of this. Because he knew… He knew how she had reacted to those things that Viola had done to him. How she had been unable to understand how they made him feel good. And this… This was taking it still a bit further than what Viola had done.

Of course Kantei could not understand. Of course she couldn’t.

And he…

He still loved her. He would do so much for her to understand him. But… He was not sure, whether it was possible. Whether she could understand him.

What should he do now?

What could he do?

“I have something special for you today,” Fhedré said, as he returned. “Some roasted hornbill with berry sauce.”

Tav looked up, looked at the man, then at the plate he was carrying. He managed a smile. “That sounds good.”

“It does, right?” Fhedré sat down next to him, running a hand over Tav’s hair. “You deserve it today. You did so good. Despite everything.”

Tav hesitated. He did not answer, though he knew what Fhedré meant.

Fhedré had said before the ritual that he had wanted to torture Tav’s cock. So it had not been unannounced. But… It had been too much. It had been way too much. Tav had almost been unable to handle this specific pain.

He started to eat. Because he might need it right now. He needed some energy to fill him up again. Even though eating felt also exhausting right now. Because he still felt so drained from it all – but he assumed that was to expected. His understanding was, that the ritual would take his pain and use it to create the magic. So…

“Tav?” Fhedré whispered carefully, making him look up.

“Yeah?”

“I am sorry. I did realize that it went too far. Had it been a session with just us, I would have stopped. But with the ritual… I couldn’t.”

“I understand,” Tav whispered. “I do. I… It had been a lot, though. Both… Both the rubbing me of, just to instantly torture the cock. And the burning. The pain from it… I don’t know. I… It was a lot.”

“Yes. I noticed. I… I thought you’d like it. But I… I guess I took it wrong.”

“Maybe it was just because of the lotion,” Tav said. “I don’t know. I just… I feel bad that I could not handle it.”

Fhedré once more could not help himself. He reached out, caressing Tav’s cheek. “What are you saying? You handled it great. You were conscious during the entire ritual.”

“I was, wasn’t I?” Tav thought about it. He cut off another piece of meat, eating it slowly.

“As I said before so many times by now,” Fhedré said. “You are amazing.”

Tav smiled. “I guess I am.” He skuttled over to Fhedré to lean against the other man. “Can I… After I have bathed, could we just cuddle for a while?”

“We can do that,” Fhedré said.

“And… Could we just… Could we fuck. Softly?”

The question got Fhedré to chuckle, as he leaned over to kiss Tav. “We can do that, too.”

 

---

 

“Tav!”

Tav had barely entered the dinning hall on that next morning, when he was already drawn into a tight hug. A tight, but rather shaky hug, he noticed, as he hesitantly returned it.

“Tei…” he whispered.

“Gods.” Her voice so clearly showed, that she was close to tears. She looked at him now. “What are you doing here? Are you okay? Yesterday… You were so badly hurt. You were so, so badly hurt. I was afraid… What… What is going on, Tav?”

“I…” He looked over to the table where the food was given out. “Let me have some breakfast first, alright?”

Kantei hesitated, but then sighed. “Alright.” She followed him, as he got himself his usual morning bowl filled with porridge.

Day eleven, since he had gotten here. His tenday was now officially over.

“I take it you have already eaten?” he noted, when she did not get herself anything.

“I have been up for more than two hours. I could not sleep. I was so worried about you!”

“Yeah… I… I am sorry, alright?”

“If you are sorry, you can start by telling me what is going on.” She turned around, looking for someone. Fhedré, as Tav realized. But Fhedré had enough sense, to give them their space. He had joined others on their table for now, though Tav noticed that the man kept looking over to them.

“It’s…” Tav took a spoon of the porridge and some egg, eating it. He was hungry. He always was, since he had gotten here. Probably because he was constantly being healed. “I am sorry, Tei… I… For those last few months… I have not been very honest with you.”

She did not seen surprised by this confession, looking at him. “About what?”

Another sigh escaped him. “I… I have kept visiting Viola.”

“Viola?” Kantei frowned. “Why? She violated you. She completely went against stuff you were comfortable with just…”

“I know,” Tav said. “But… If I am honest, what she was doing to me made me feel good.”

“But she…”

“Let me talk.” He looked at her. “Please, Tei. If… I am trying to explain. So let me.”

It seemed as if Kantei was not at all ready to do just that, but in the end she sighed and nodded. “Fine.”

“I… The day after the last time you went with me, I went to her again. Because she had promised to teach me that spell, you know? And I… I wanted to know it. And that time… She went far beyond any of my boundaries, and Tei… It felt good. It felt so good.”

Her dark eyes were pinned on him. “Tav…”

“It felt good,” he repeated once more. Then he sighed. “So… I went back there. Again and again. And two months ago… Well, I had found out she was following Loviatar. Like, it’s not as if she is a cleric or something, but… She is following her. Loviatar, I mean. And she was in contact with some other followers and… She asked me, whether I would attend a ritual as an offering. To revive some old matriarch. And I agreed. I met Fhedré that day.” His gaze glid over to the cleric, who was still watching them from a few tables away.

When Tav ate another spoonful of porridge, Kantei raised an eyebrow.

“And then?”

“That was two months ago. And Fhedré… Ever since he had been offering me to come here, to the temple. Ten days ago, I decided to do it.”

“You told me you were travelling.”

“I know. I lied. As I said. I am sorry, Tei. I just… I did not know how to tell you.” He sighed. “The truth is, that when… When I came here, I was not sure what to expect. But… Tei… This… This place is amazing. And Fhedré… He is…” Tav stopped, because he just had not the right word. “I am a lot better, since I am here. I…”

“What are you talking about, Tav?” she asked.

“The nightmares… I… I did not have a single nightmare since I got here.”

In that moment, at least some realization showed in her face. “Tav…”

He looked into his greyish, but still rather tasty porridge, before forcing himself to meet her gaze. “I know you will not understand it, Tei. But… I want to join them here. Permanently, I mean. I want to become a Loviatan.”

Chapter 23: Training

Summary:

Tav tries to become part of the normal everyday life in the temple. Meanwhile, Kantei is less than happy to see him willingly partake in torture.

Notes:

Okay, this chapter is a bit weird - as there is kink and there is sex, but also the kink is not part of the sex for the most part.

The SM stuff here is in terms of needles, impalement, and branding. The sex comes later.

“Tei…” He shot her a side glance. “I don’t think that you… Look, go to the garden, I will find you later.”

“I will not leave you out of my eyes,” she said.

“Tei…” He did not know how to talk to her. But she had been like this since the morning, following him like a shadow, as if he had nothing to do.

It might have been something else during the last days, but now… He wanted to be a part of this. He wanted to be a part of the temple. And Fhedré had noted that he should get used to being part of it. He would find duties to fulfill – duties beside the one he already knew he could take on: Suffering in Loviatar’s name.

“Tav,” she now said. “I understand that…” She pursed her lips, as she was trying to think of the right thing to say. “I know you are suffering with those nightmares or memories. But you should know that I will definitely try and help you, if you just let me.”

“It would help me right now if you let me do this,” he said.

He would have preferred to be with Fhedré, but Fhedré had taken already almost a full tenday off for him, and he needed to go back to his duties. So, given that Tav would have to start his training now – or rather: wanted to – he also needed to get used to other people torturing him. Because he was a Pain Bearer. He was meant to bear the pain in the name of the goddess. He had been chosen to do it. Because he could.

“Hey! Hey you.” Someone grabbed him by the shoulder. Not forcefully so, just with purpose.

It was a woman. She looked mostly human, though Tav thought he could see just a bit of orcish genes in her wide statue.

He had a good idea who she was. “You are Senna.”

“Right you are,” she replied. “And you are Tav. I was told to find you.”

“Yeah.” He smiled. “Yes, Fhedré said you would.” He felt just a little awkward in this situation right now. “He said… Well. He said you’d train me.”

The woman laughed. “I guess we can call it that, yeah,” she said. “I do want to help you work on your pain reception. For now. Once you are initiated properly, I will also be able to show you how to channel magic through your pain. Do you know any magic?”

“He does,” Kantei noted, while Tav chuckled awkwardly.

“Well… I can do a few cantrips.”

It seemed only now did Senna really notice Kantei. “Who is she?”

“My girlfriend,” he said. “She…” He still had no real idea how Kantei had even gotten here. “She wants to make sure I am safe.”

Senna looked at Kantei for a long moment. “You don’t have to worry, you know? He is a chosen of our goddess. Who, if not he, was to be safe here?”

Kantei frowned. “He is what now?”

“He is a Pain Bearer. A chosen,” Senna said, only for Kantei to give Tav a questioning look.

“What?”

“You know that last year, we kept hearing those stories about chosen showing up everywhere?” Tav tried. “It… It seems I am one of Loviatar’s chosen.”

He was not sure, what he had expected. But most certainly not this reaction. Kantei frowned. “No you are not.”

“Tei… I know it sounds super weird, but we did the trial, and the goddess spoke to the high priestess, and she says…”

“Tav, this is bullshit. These people are messing with you. Why would Loviatar of all the gods choose you?”

“Because I know pain. Don’t you see, Tei? I… I have suffered my whole life. And because of that…”

“No, Tav. You are good. You are a good man. Loviatar is bad. She is evil. She tortures people for her own enjoyment. Tortures them until they go insane. You are not one of hers.”

“You don’t know that, Tei!”

“I know quite a lot about the gods,” Kantei said. “And I know at least, which god to trust and whom not to.”

Senna clicked her tongue, as she was watching them. “Uhm, do you want some time to discuss this among you, or…?”

“No,” Tav said. “It’s… It’s alright. I want the training.” And most of all he wanted the pain.

“Tav, try and be reasonable,” Kantei begged, but he just looked at her.

“No. Tei. This is my life, and my body, and my pain. I…” He sighed. “I knew you wouldn’t understand.” With that he turned towards Senna, who raised an eyebrow, but ended up nodding along the corridor.

“Let’s go.”

Not quite ten minutes later, Senna let him into one of the torture chambers.

Her eyes were inspecting his body all over, as he leaned against the table in the middle of the room. And for once he allowed himself to be coquette, keeping his movement just a bit seductive.

It got her to chuckle. “Alright. So, you have been tortured mostly by Fhedré so far.”

“Yes. Fhedré, Viola, the demons, and one of the other initiates.”

“Viola?”

“She is a sorceress, who follows Loviatar. Back in Baldur’s Gate.”

“I see. Well, I know what Fhedré will likely have done. He has a thing for whips and the like – as well as cutting.” Senna was grinning over this. “And those demons are pretty feral. What else have you already experienced?”

“Well, as you said. A lot of whipping. But needles, too. Some cutting as well. He did use some hot wax on me. And… I am quite experienced with getting spread out to a point where I start ripping.”

“So, you like having your holes abused?” She was grinning still.

He swallowed, but then nodded. “I kinda do.”

She laughed. “Slut.” And even he could not help but chuckle at this.

“So, you really went through the trial of the hook?” Senna asked now.

“I did.”

“And you made it?”

“Yeah.”

“That is both quite impressive and quite crazy,” she muttered. “Well, I assume you never so far have really been impaled.”

“No,” Tav said.

Another chuckle came from her, as she dared to go over to him and run her hand over his bare chest. “So I am going to be your first?”

“If you think that is what we should do? Sure.”

“Oh yeah, I would enjoy that,” she said. “It tends to give quite interesting screams.”

“Though… I… Can I ask you something else?”

“Sure.”

Tav pursed his lips. “Yesterday, I took part in that ritual as the offering, you know? And… I used a spell to grow my clit into a cock, and during the ritual Fhedré used a burning iron on it. And I barely was able to take it.”

She did understand where he was coming from, it seemed. “So you want me to do that as well?”

“I feel like I need to understand that pain better,” he said. “So I might bear it in the future.”

“Yeah, I can do that,” she said. “Get undressed. We will have a productive session today.”

The door was opened – and much to Tav’s surprise it was Kantei who slipped in. She did not say anything. Rather she stuck to the wall, her arms crossed, watching them.

Senna shot Tav a questioning look, but for now he nodded. Maybe… He did not really dare to hope. But maybe Kantei would understand, if she just watched them. If she saw him suffer. Because when she had been watching with Viola, it all had been fairly tame. Maybe, once she saw him suffer properly, she could see the truth of what he was.

So, he undressed. Taking off the leather harness, that barely covered anything, as well as the trousers and the shorter pants underneath.

Willingly he laid down on the table, before muttering the incantation. As he wanted to have his cock for this. It was where he had failed yesterday.

“So,” Senna said. “What do you prefer? I heard you are quite good with giving yourself up. But do you want me to tie you down or not?”

“I think I will prefer to be tied down, yeah.” Because he knew that so far, both when it had come to more penetrative wounds – and that pain yesterday – he did not have his body quite under control.

“Alright. Give me your hands.” She simply used ropes to tie his arms above his head, and his legs properly spread apart. She was quite trained in this, working rather fast. Then she turned to prepare something.

He could not quite see it from his current position. But he did not need to know. When she was finally returning her attention to him, she put down a rectangular clay bowl.

From this she produced a very long, but very pointy needle. “See these?” she asked.

“Yeah,” he said.

“These are made for torture. They are made to impale someone with. A lot of times people will use them just on the arms and legs, because once you accidentally impale organs, people die rather quickly, unless you heal them instantly.” She looked at him. “I plan to heal you instantly, so you don’t need to worry.”

He laughed at this. “Well, I am going to have to trust you on that.”

“You do,” she said, but was giggling as well. “I will still start with your legs.”

“Okay.”

Her touch was actually soft as she ran her hand down to her calve, walking along the length of the table. She felt his flesh just a bit, before she seemed to decide for a place.

It was as she readied that long needle, that Kantei could no longer hold back. “You are not really going to do that.”

“Oh, yes. I am.” And just to put some emphasis on those words, Senna pushed the needle through his muscles.

It was strange. He felt the pain, but really, the inadvertent reaction of his body to kick at her – only held under control by the ropes binding him, was almost more annoying.

“Hells!” Kantei came over. “Are you crazy.”

“It’s alright, Tei,” Tav said. “I am going to be healed in the end.”

“That does not make it okay!”

“It does, though.” He frowned. “It is what I want, alright?” He looked at Senna. “Just continue.”

Senna gave a long sigh. “I did not expect to be involved in a lovers’ squarel today.” She got the next needle, though, using it to pierce his calve maybe an inch above the last needle.

Once more his muscles twitched, as his body just wanted to kick her. But the pain… He had actually assumed it would be a lot worse.

“Stop it!” Kantei hissed, as Senna got out the next needle.

“No,” Senna said. She was working very calmly in the way she put those long needles into his flesh. In a way her calmness was infectious.

By now Kantei was very much in Tav’s field of vision, and she very much seemed to consider whether she could attack Senna. She watched, her pupils dilated, as the woman pushed the next needle through Tav’s flesh.

“I was told you are often not a screamer,” she noted. “But I did not expect you to be that quiet.”

“So far it is not that bad,” Tav said.

It was Kantei, who growled at this. “Not that bad? Are you kidding me, Tav.”

He sighed and looked at her. “It really is not. I told you. I am a Pain Bearer. I am good with taking on this kind of pain.”

“She is impaling your calves!”

“Yes, Tei. Please…” He tried just hold her gaze, knowing that most of all she just did not understand. She was worried for him, right? “Tei, I get that you are confused, but… I want this. No, more… I need this. This helps me. If you cannot bear to watch it, just… go. But… I want this. I really do.”

“You don’t,” she said. “You idiot. You might think you do, but you really don’t. They… They are messing with your head, don’t you see?”

“They are not. My head is clearer than it had been in the last fucking year, Tei!”

Senna cleared her throat. “Do you want to continue this now?”

Tav drew a deep breath. “Tei. I get that you do not want to see me hurt. But I want to get hurt right now. So please… Just… Go, alright? We can talk about this later.”

He was so sure, she would still argue, but then there was something shifting in her eyes. “Fine. You fucking idiot.” With that she turned around and stormed out the door, not without slamming it behind herself.

Senna just sighed and shook her head. “Why is your girlfriend here?”

“I do not know,” he admitted. “I still do not know.” Then he laid his head back and closed his eyes. “Can we continue?”

 

---

 

Tav was not entirely sure, what he had expected. But most certainly he had not expected for this pain to be this easily managed. Even by the time a good forty of those needles had pierced his arms and legs, he still managed to keep the sensations under control. The pain was there, it was filling his entire body, was filling his mind, but he could somehow keep it controlled. He could make the decision to acknowledge the pain and still not let it take over.

He was not quite in the same messy state he had gotten into so easily with Fhedré and Viola. He did not experience pleasure right now. Yet, the sensation that was filling him instead was a good one, still. Because he felt… strong. The feeling of being so much in control made him feel strong.

“Press your palms together,” Senna instructed. “And try to relax your hands just a bit.”

Tav did, having a good idea, what she was planning. His breath was shark, as she pushed a needle through both of his palms, yet he did not even whimper.

“I am kinda disappointed,” she muttered. “I will openly admit that I do enjoy my partners screaming during this. And normally at least… Well, the newbies do.”

“I am sorry to disappoint.”

She chuckled. “It’s alright. I can sense you are stubborn.” She moved to his midriff now. “As I said, I will do your torso last. I will take the needles out again soon. So don’t worry. I will not kill you.”

“I am not worried.”

She raised an eyebrow as he said this. “Well, let’s see whether I get to get you to scream in the end.”

“Now I am seeing it as a challenge,” he said.

“Me too,” she purred, as she positioned the first needle right above his loin. She was careful with it, but then pushed it through.

Indeed, the pain was a lot more “real” here. Because of instincts, Tav assumed. After all, this silly animalistic kind of thinking knew that the organs were here. And while a needle penetrating his muscles was very survivable, the same was not really true for his body. As such, there was a shiver running through his body – but still he managed to hold down a scream.

She moved the next needle a bit upwards – to the side of his bellybutton. Again it was moved through, and the pain was even stronger here.

He still managed to keep his noises at a simple gasp.

It got her to chuckle again, as she got the next needle.

“How many are left?” he asked.

She looked at her bowl. “I would say about twenty.”

“Gods. I will look like a hedgehog.”

Now a wheezing laugh escaped her. “That is really your worry right now?”

“Well, yes. You will heal me in the end, so what else is there to worry about?”

“Are you really not afraid of the pain?”

“I… I guess I am not, no,” he said.

She shook her head, as she got the next needle, putting this one right underneath his ribs. When she pushed it through his body, and he shivered only a little, she kept grinning. “You really are a strange one. We have a few other Pain Bearers here, and a few more who chose that path. But most do still fear it. They know to welcome it, but…” She shook her head, getting the next needle. “You are weird.”

“In a good way?” he asked, just before the next needle was pushed through. He could feel it pierce his organs – though he could not really name which ones.

“I would say so.” With calm hands she took the next needle. “You know, some Loviatans make this big thing out of making a show of the pain. Crying and screaming and what not. To properly honor Her and stuff. But really, I think that is all bullshit. She will know of your pain. Because it is her Domain. And she will value it either way.” She pushed this needle in as well.

They continued like this. One needle after the other. With only three little whimpers escaping Tav in between. Yes, he was stubborn right now, but at the same time he learned that the pain of being impaled by those needles was predictable. And he could deal quite well with this predictable kind of pain. A pain he understood. He understood what was happening in his body.

Senna looked at him as she was done. “How about one little scream? For me?”

He knew better than to chuckle – because now in this state chuckling was starting to get rather painful. “Well, if we do… If we do what I asked you to… I am fairly certain I will scream then.”

She sighed. “I guess we will get to that next. Though I will pull out the needles first and heal you.”

“That’s okay,” he said.

“See, whenever we do this to someone at the first time… You are not the first one to be able to handle it in the limbs alright. But when we get to the torso… People still live of their instincts, you know?” She pulled out the first needle, instantly pressing her hand against the tiny, but deep wound.

“Yeah. I get it. I mean… the pain is… challenging. But… I don’t really know how to describe it.”

She pulled out the next needle from his torso, again healing it instantly. “As I said, you simply are a weird one.” The next needle was pulled out, then the next. “Can I ask you something?”

“You can,” he replied.

“Did you experience a lot of pain early in your life?”

He hesitated. Because he still did not want to speak to her – a stranger, albeit one, who had quite thoroughly explored his body right now – about what had happened. “Yes. I grew up in… a bad place. A really bad place. Where I was hurt a lot.”

She pulled another needle and healed the wound. “Did they heal you afterwards?”

“Yes,” he said. “I… They did not want me to get any scars, you know? Wanted me to be pretty.”

The next needle was pulled. “That might be it, you know? Some part of you has learned that pain, when it happens, does not leave a mark. So… you stopped fearing it.”

He had never considered it that way, but he could also not argue with that logic. “Might be.”

She looked at his face. “Well, this pain is not meant to punish you. It is a way to show the love to the one goddess, who is willing to even provide a place for those of us… who were rejected everywhere else.”

Those words surprised him. He looked at her, wondering whether it was alright to ask. At the same time he remembered what Fhedré had said. About how everyone who actually ended up following Loviatar in one of the temples had been through a lot of pain.

She did not say anything more. She just looked at him, and smiled. Before continuing her work, though it took quite a while until all sixty – or was it seventy – needles were finally removed from his body.

“I think, if you want me to torture your cock, you need to do that spell again,” she said.

He had noticed it too. The spell never lasted more than one or one and a half hours. And this entire torture had already taken longer.

“You need to untie my hands for that, I am afraid.”

“Well, I do not expect you to throw a tantrum.” She did untie him. “I indeed start to wonder why I bound you in the first place.”

“I would totally have kicked you, as you did my legs,” he said. “Instincts.”

“So, you do have some survival instincts left, eh?” She laughed.

“I do.” He started to rub himself a bit, before muttering the incantation, starting to form his cock.

“Can I ask you, what made the difference yesterday? With this one pain?”

“I am not sure,” he replied. “I… I guess it was a mixture of so many things. The pain from burn wounds is a lot worse than pretty much any other pain. And this…” He gestured towards the cock he was forming with his hands. “It is technically just my clit spelled large. So it is pure sensitivity. And they used that lotion in the ritual too, to make me even more sensitive.” He sighed, before looking at her. “I also think… I just did not expect it. Everything else I did expect, but not that.”

“I am afraid with that I cannot help,” Senna replied. “You are going to expect it now.”

“Yes. But… I just want to learn how to deal with it.”

 

---

 

“Tav?” Fhedré stared at him, clearly being surprised to find Tav on his bed right now. Especially just like this. “I will not dare to complain, but… What is going on?”

Sweat was covering Tav’s skin, as the pain was still rather hard to ignore. There were branding marks all over his body – just as there were two rings branded around his cock still. The pain searing, and mind numbing.

“A surprise?” he tried, though his voice was shaky.

The truth was, that he and Senna had spend hours with this. Training him. Actually training him to endure this pain. She had branded him, had him feel that pain, had healed him, had branded him again. Both his cock, but also other parts of his body. The branding now showing a pattern of leaves over his chest and vines around his tights.

“What happened?” Fhedré asked, coming over to the bed. He reached out to touch Tav, hesitated, but then still did it, even as Tav trembled when those fingers ran over the painful wounds on his chest.

“I trained with Senna. For a while.”

“And you trained this?” Fhedré’s gaze wandered all over Tav’s body, his appreciation most certainly showing.

“Well, she impaled me for a while first. And then got disappointed by me not screaming.”

“You did not scream at all?”

“No, I did not. Not during the impaling. So we did this. This got me to scream. And then she healed me, and we did it again.”

“For how long?”

“A few hours,” Tav said. He smiled, reaching out for Fhedré. “I wanted to show you, so… I asked her not to heal me the last time around.”

Again Fhedré’s hand caressed Tav’s body, even though it made Tav shake. “For how long have you been here like this?”

“An hour, maybe. I… I want you to fuck me, while I am like this.” His voice was just a bit more high pitched right now, which he could not help, it seemed.

Fhedré smiled nevertheless. “I can do that.” He opened his trousers. “Oh, I can most certainly do that.” His voice meanwhile was deeper now, as he joined Tav on the bed, looking at him once more. When he realized that even the folds were branded, he could not help but give a low grunt. “You know this is going to hurt, right?”

“Yes,” Tav said. “Oh, I believe it will.”

Fhedré said nothing more. He just positioned himself to push into Tav, eliciting a pained whimper – though Tav knew himself that he was still wet.

During the hours he had spend on this with Senna, he had started to learn to appreciate this pain as well, even though it was really a pain like no other. It was a lot harder to use this pain to fuel his passion. Because there was strangely draining at times. But just because it was hard, did not mean it was impossible. It just mean he had to focus more on it – on how to fuel himself through it. Just as he was doing right now.

Each time Fhedré touched one of the wounds – including each time he thrusted into Tav – Tav’s body was screaming in pain. Several pained whimpers and whines escaped Tav. But he managed it too, to just focus this pain into his arousal and use it like this.

Fhedré was groaning in pleasure. “Gods, Tav,” he whispered, just as Tav gave another whimper. “You have no idea how much… how much those whimpers turn me on.”

“I do, in fact.” Tav smiled, before throwing his head back with another pained grown.

The way this specific pain interweaved with the pleasure was almost like a net holding him down. But he wanted to be the fish being caught in it, letting it drag him away. The way that the mixture of his pain and his willingness enticed Fhedré, somehow made it even harder to withstand this. He allowed himself to fall further into it. Further and further.

His own orgasm came very suddenly, making it impossible to hold down another scream.

“Did you just cum?” Fhedré asked – but without holding back on his rhythm.

“Yeah,” Tav whispered. He wrapped his arms around Fhedré now, even though it created new pain. “Fuck me harder.”

Fhedré did not questing this request. His thrusts became violent and almost painful in of themselves. But he was groaning into it, now himself almost animalistic. Even though it made Tav squirm, he grabbed his hip, to thrust even stronger until he could no longer hold himself back.

Tav could feel it, when his partner came.

For once Fhedré held back from collapsing onto Tav, instead rolling to his side. “This was a very nice surprise.”

“It was, right?” Tav grinned, though a little whimper still came over his lips.

“Yeah…” Once more Fhedré could not hold back, running a hand over Tav’s chest, smiling as Tav squirmed from the pain. “Should I heal you now?”

“I would appreciate it, yeah,” Tav said.

“I will do that.” Fhedré was careful as he put a hand onto Tav’s chest. “I think I might like to be surprised like this more often.”

Tav found himself chuckling again. “I will note that down.”

“You are still amazing…” The warm energy was soaking slowly into Tav’s flesh, though it would probably take minutes for the wounds to mend. Even though they were superficial. “Can I ask? How did it go with your girlfriend today?”

“I was pretty sure she almost jumped Senna,” Tav said. “Tei… She does not understand. She does not understand that this… is a good thing.”

“Most people don’t.”

“I know. And I mean… I knew she would react this way. Because I know her, right?”

“Right,” Fhedré said.

“I just wish…”

“Maybe… Maybe she would understand if she got to properly participate,” Fhedré said.

“You mean torture her as well?”

“No. I mean… Maybe have her whip you. In a proper session. Have her make you bleed.”

Once more Tav found himself sighing, skuttling a bit closer to Fhedré. “She… I don’t think she would do that. I mean, she spanked me a few times, but…”

“You love her, right?” Fhedré said.

“I do,” Tav muttered.

“Then… maybe at least give her that chance.”

 

Notes:

And yes, ironically without the context of sex, this chapter maybe shows most clearly how messed up Tav's relation to pain is. I brougth this up in some of the other one shots with him, but yeah. It is not that he does not feel pain, but his brain does no longer properly process it. Normally pain tells the body "something is wrong here", and for him that normal reaction just got overwritten, because trauma. And yes, for him it is very much trauma. Would he have been masochistic without his trauma? Sure. Maybe. But not in this messed up way.

Chapter 24: The Patrons

Summary:

Tav unsuccessfully tries to convince Kantei that he is happy at the temple. Meanwhile the Truescar asks him for a favor.

Tav sighed, as he saw Kantei in the dining hall on the next morning. On one hand, he was relieved that she was still here, that she had not left. On the other hand, though, he was still not sure how to deal with her right now.

She was sitting away from everyone. In fact she was throwing everyone those dark looks.

“Should I try and help talking with her?” Fhedré asked, noticing Tav’s gaze.

Tav hesitated. He wondered, whether it was a good idea. Because she had showed up during the ritual, where she had seen Fhedré torture him. So he had a good guess what she must be thinking about this man now.

Then again, Fhedré was a very calm person. Maybe he could use this to calm her down as well.

And Tav wanted to know him close. More than anyone else, Fhedré made Tav feel quite safe right now. Safer than anyone else.

“Yeah,” Tav said. He took Fhedré’s hand, before making his way over to that table.

Kantei made a point of not looking at him, acting as if she did not even notice them, until Tav raised his voice.

“Tei?”

She looked at him, some anger now gleaming in her eyes. “Oh, Tav. You are still alive.” Sarcasm was positively dripping from her voice.

“I am,” he said. “I…” He did not really know what to say.

“Did you enjoy your little torture yesterday?” she asked snidely. “How many needles did that woman impale you with in the end, hmm?”

“I did enjoy it, yes.” He tried to keep his voice neutral. “And I think it was about sixty-five needles in total.”

Kantei closed her eyes, her lips quivering just a bit. With anger, maybe. Maybe with desperation. “Tav. You have to see that this is messed up, right? I…” She looked at Fhedré. “This guy had a fucking grown dragon rape you.”

“It was not rape, Tei. I wanted it.”

“No, you thought you wanted it, because they brainwashed you.”

It was those words, that let the anger flame up inside of Tav. “Don’t you dare to tell me what do and don’t want! I know what I want. I want this.”

“Tav…” It was Fhedré, who put a hand onto his shoulder now. “Calm down.”

Tav focused his gaze onto the edge of the table. “I know, what I want and what I don’t, Tei. I know it. And I want this.” He was well aware that she was now staring at him. “But I need you to understand, that this is helping me. This is good for me.”

“But it is not, Tav,” she whispered. “It is not.”

“How do you know that?”

“I just… I just do.”

Once more Fhedré spoke up. “Kantei. I can see that you care about him. But please try to consider that Loviatar is by far not as bad of a goddess, as you might think. She is there to guide those suffering through the pain.”

“By torturing them, eh?” Kantei snapped.

“At times through different pain, yes,” Fhedré said softly. “If you just talk to people here, you will find that most of them have come from deep suffering, but have found a home here. Because Loviatar could give them something no other god could.”

She scoffed. “And I bet you, that if I went to a fucking Bhaal temple, I will find people telling me the same about him. So what, should I now start thinking that murder might be right for some people?”

“This is different,” Tav said instantly, but it was Fhedré who kept calm.

“If you are honest with yourself, you will find that there is a huge difference between someone, who wants to be tortured, being tortured and healed afterwards – and someone being killed.”

“But why would anyone want to be tortured, hmm?” she hissed.

“Because it makes me feel good,” Tav tried once more. “Look, Tei… When I get tortured… When it is like yesterday, it mostly gives me this intense feeling of being in control over myself. And… In other cases it feels good in a pleasurable kind of way. Which… I know it is messed up and shit. But… I enjoy it. And more than that I enjoy this exhaustion that comes after it.”

“Tav…”

“Kantei,” Fhedré now said. “How about you give it a chance just once?”

“What?”

“I could show you, how to torture him,” Fhedré said. “And if you really gave it a chance, you could see how pleasurable it is to him. And how much he does enjoy it.”

“Why would I want to torture him?” Kantei’s voice was shaking with barely suppressed anger once more.

“Because through it you might understand him better.”

As Tav dared to raise his gaze, he could see how Kantei was glaring at Fhedré.

“I love this man,” she whispered. “I would never want to hurt him!”

“But you are hurting him right now,” Fhedré said. “Don’t you see that?”

“I am trying to save him from your fucking cult!” She got up now, reaching out for Tav’s hand. “Tav, please. Listen to me. Try and listen to reason.”

But Tav shook his head. “No, Tei. I… I want to be here. So, please, just… I do not want to lose you, but I also… I need this, as I said. I need this.”

“Tav…” She looked from him to Fhedré, before sighing.

“Please Tei. Can we… once do, what Fhedré said?” he tried once more.

“I won’t hurt you. Not like that!”

“It is not hurt in the way you think it is. If you… If you let us properly show us, you might understand. Please…”

She got up from the table. “I cannot, Tav. I…” She winced at the thought alone, it seemed. Then, suddenly, she turned around and left.

Tav wanted to get up and follow her, but it was Fhedré, who took his hand.

“Leave her,” he said softly. “Give her some time.”

“But…” Tav turned to him. Because Fhedré had been right. Those words – Kantei’s words – were hurting so much more than anything anyone had done to him here.

“She needs some time to consider it all. Give her that much.”

 

***

 

It was always kind of strange to have an audience, but today it seemed that Tav had attracted one. A total of seven people were watching him getting whipped, something that by now was lasting for a good while now.

Admittedly, the pain by now had already reached the space where it was mixing with the pleasure. He took another deep breath, as the whip slashes over his back, once more tearing some skin, maybe even some flesh. There was a little puddle of blood beneath him.

It was not Fhedré whipping him, but rather a younger man named Jestin. Another human. He was not quite as experienced as Fhedré, hence not as able to slowly build the pain in layers. It did not matter, though. Tav had created the right pain for himself.

He gasped a little at the next impact, being well aware that other parts of him reacted as well. Oh, he wanted to push over that edge, but so far was not quite able to. So he waited for the next impact, unable to hold back a soft moan as he did.

His blood was rushing through his veins in a rather enticing way. Yes, he could feel it. And he could get lost in those sensations.

Another hit, this one getting a whimper out of him. He could not help but move his hips a bit, as the heat of these sensations was taking him over.

Next time, he got hit, the whip caressed his ass, rather than his back, making him yelp just a little, before shivering once more. Oh, he could feel the gash on his ass rather well. It was rough, quite rough, given that it was a normal leather whip.

Once more the whip cracked, and once again it drew blood, splattering some over the ground.

It was just then that someone else came through the already open door, joining those who were watching them right now. Tav’s eyes widened, when he recognized Truescar Gathin.

His next groan was almost entirely a groan of pleasure, when his back was ripped once more. In fact, it only took three more impacts, before the pleasurable feeling fully overtook him. He moaned, as his entire body seemed to twitch with the ecstasy. And this time it had been build up nicely, lasting for quite a bit, as his legs almost gave out underneath.

“Are you alright?” Jestin asked, as Tav tried to get a firm standing on the ground again.

“Never better,” Tav whispered.

“Do you think you can still take it?”

“Yes,” Tav said. “I can go on for a bit.”

And they did. They did go on for a while. Though by the time Tav’s shackles were opened, he admittedly could not properly stand any longer, collapsing onto his knees and needing to hold himself up with his arms.

“I will heal him,” the Truescar said, going over to Tav. “If that is alright with you.”

“Sure,” he replied, panting still. “That’s perfectly fine by me.”

“I wanted to talk to you either way, Pain Bearer. Can you stand?”

He considered the question, but shook his head. “Right now I cannot, I am afraid.”

“That’s fine.” She muttered a prayer, her hand not really touching him. “I will do some light healing, then we will try that again. Those wounds need to be washed before they can fully be healed.”

“I know,” he said. “Fhedré told me. If… If it is not cleaned up and healed, the infections might get a lot nastier.”

“That’s right.” Already the warmth was spreading from her hand to his back, as his wounds slowly started to mend. Then she offered him her hand, and he took it.

This time he managed to stand – and to walk just enough to make his way over to the table found in this room.

He took a deep breath, as he sat down. “You said you wanted to talk.”

“Yes, Pain Bearer. I wanted to ask you for a favor,” she said.

“A favor?”

“Yes.” Like Fhedré would do, she summoned water into a bowl, before starting to clean out his wounds. “Do you know how our temples finance themselves?”

“Well, I assume donations of some type? As well as payments for services offered,” Tav said. He knew that it was how most temples were financed. “Maybe some dungeon loot, when chances arise.”

“That is correct,” the Truescar replied. “Do you know what kind of services we get paid for?”

He thought about it. He mostly just knew other temples – most of all those of the supposedly “good” gods. “Healing and resurrections, maybe?”

“We try not to charge for those,” she said, making him turn around to her.

“You don’t?”

“No.”

He almost chuckled. “I should tell that to Kantei.” Even she could not argue that people who did that were bad, right?

“You do know about our Dungeons, right?”

“I… kinda do, yes,” Tav said. “They are… you can go there especially for sexual pleasure involving hurt. Either if you want to hurt people, or if you want to be hurt. I… I know that some just use the amenities there. And that some… I… I guess there are professionals working there?”

“Yes, very good.” She put the towel she had been using to clean him to the side, before muttering another prayer to her goddess.  Only when the warm energy was flowing again, did she continue to speak. “We get a lot of the money, we use to keep everything else running from there.”

“I see…” Then he frowned. “Why are you telling me that?”

“Because… The goddess told me about the things that had been done to you in the past, so I know I might be asking a lot. But one of our most loyal patrons will come to our local Dungeon tonight and he always expects something special. And you, Tav… You are most certainly special.”

A shiver ran down his spine – and this was not a pleasant one, as he looked at her. “You want me to… prostitute myself?”

“Well, in a way, yes. That is what I am asking.” She smiled softly at him. “I will not hold it against you, if you say no.”

He sighed. He was not sure.

It was not as if he had not sold his body – and his sexual services – tens, if not hundreds of times on his own volition. Often enough it had been the easiest method to get some money. Especially as there was a certain exoticism about his body, that a lot of people found hard to resist.

“They would hurt me?”

“Yes. Judging by past experience, they would not hold back on that.”

He kept thinking about it. “But… Because you get that money, you can offer healing people without charge?”

“Yes,” she said.

Another shiver, as some memories dared to push through the surface, forcing him to focus on pushing them down. He took a slow breath. “Alright. I will do it.”

 

***

 

The rooms in the dungeon were rather strange – and they did manage to bring back some bad memories, because some of the rooms back in that place had been similar. There was a rather cozy and wide bed, though there were rings mounted to the side of it meant for ropes to go through. Just as there were hooks for chains under the ceiling. There was a wooden horse, too, just as there was a whole collection both of dildos, and of whips and other impact weapons. Some prepared needles, too, but also a thing that he did no like to see here: Several branding irons.

Still, Tav tried to breathe slowly. He wished he had gotten to talk to Fhedré before going here. But Fhedré had not been there. Tav would still feel better if the other man knew where he was and… Oh, he didn’t know.

But Tav tried to calm himself. He had done stuff like this before. Many, many, many times. He knew how to do it. In fact, he kept saying how it was the one thing he was really good at. And it was.

Had he ever had a choice, he probably would’ve chosen another skill to learn, but that choice had never been there, had it? As such… Well, he would make the best out of the cards he had been dealt.

He was naked already – no need to make a big thing out of it. And he was doing his best to suggestively lounge on the bed, while his arms were tied to the side. Someone had put a fancy leather collar around his neck as well. He did not know, how long he would have to wait for anyone to come here.

A very generous patron, the Truescar had said, who would at times bring friends. A man, that much Tav knew already. But not much more.

When he heard voices in front of the red door, he perked up. Once more he put an effort into properly lounging on that bed, giving his best seductive smile. Even though his legs were not tied, he kept them spread, showing what he had to offer.

The man coming through the door was probably in his late forties. Most of his formerly dark hair had already turned grey. Though his clothes and hairstyle spoke of him coming from a possible noble background. As did the ring on his finger, Tav noticed.

“Let’s see, what we have here,” he said, just as he saw Tav.

There was some chuckle behind him. Yes, more friends. More men, by the sound of it. “Someone new, she said.”

“Indeed, someone new.” The man came further into the room, standing in front of the bed now, his gaze gliding over Tav’s body. “What exactly are you?”

Tav kept his smile easy and seductive. “If you are talking about my genitals, don’t worry, I am still a man. Just with unusual equipment. Other than that: Your entertainment for tonight.”

“Are you sure he is new?” A third man was entering now. “He does not sound new.”

Five. It was a total of five people, Tav realized, as they all entered. All men, by the looks of it. Four of them human, one a dwarf.

“Oh, I am new here,” he said. “Not new to the business, if you know what I mean.”

It was the guy, that Tav was fairly sure was the main patron, who now sat down on the edge of the bed. “Let’s see.” He pushed two of his fingers against Tav’s lips, and Tav understood those things quite well.

He opened his lips, taking in the fingers the same way he would take in a cock. He teased those fingertips with his tongue, before closing his lips properly around them, sucking the fingers, and taking them in deeper.

It seemed to amuse the man. He pushed his fingers deeper in. With his other hand, he grabbed Tav by the queue in which his hair was bound, holding him, to be able to force the fingers in deep.

It was not quite as if Tav had expected this – but it did not really surprise him either. He reacted with a tiny whimper, but continued sucking those fingers, and teasing them with his tongue.

By the time the man let go of him, he was chuckling. “A real professional, aren’t we?”

“Oh you have no idea,” Tav purred. “I am like nothing you’ve ever had.” He knew his lines in this regard. He had learned them early. Though he was not even lying. He was good at this. Oh, he knew he was good at this. And he had gotten good at it very early on. For once, because when you were good at it, it was less painful. But also, because back then he had realized at some point, that being better than the others meant, he could protect them at least somewhat.

“You are not wrong about that, sweetheart,” one of the other man said. He sat down on Tav’s other side, his hand finding its way down to Tav’s cunt. “Never have laid someone like you before.”

“See?” Tav smiled. “We are all in for some new experiences tonight. What should it be?”

“Well, dear, you know what this is, right?” the patron said.

“I know,” Tav said.

“And you know what we paid for.”

“I know that too.” Tav moved his hips a bit. “But that does not mean, we cannot have a bit fun, right?” He used his food to caress the man’s leg a bit. “Be honest with yourself. You might wanna know, what kind of pain I can take, but you also do wanna know how it would feel to give me a good ploughing through.”

It was the dwarf, who chuckled. “Oh, this one is indeed quite good, isn’t he?”

“You have no idea,” Tav whispered. He moved forward as far as his restraints allowed it. “What should it be? I do have three holes that are just waiting to be filled.” He smirked, as he looked at the others who were standing there. “Or I could do all five of you at once.”

One of the humans raised an eyebrow. “Oh, I wanna see that.”

“You can,” Tav said. “I have done five dudes at once before.”

Even his patron smirked at those words. “You seem awfully confident of your abilities.”

“Because I am, darling,” Tav replied. “Just allow me to do my job, and you are going to have an amazing night, believe me.”

Those men were exchanging gazes – and Tav was well aware of the curiosity he had woken in them now.

In the end, his patron sighed. “Very well, sweetheart. Show us, what you can do.”

Notes:

Ah, yes. This one is going to go south. Very, very far south. Like over the equator and then further south. *coughs*

But yeah, this is Tav in his element. This Tav doing prostitution. Other than Astarion he is not even that upset about it. He does not mind it in general - which generally was something that was important to me while writing him. No, he does not consider sex work in general as humiliating or anything. He is perfectly fine doing it - which is also why he will generally often default to it. The thing he takes objection with is having his choices taken from him. No matter in what way or form that happens.

But yes, still... this... is going to end up going really bad.

Chapter 25: Breathless

Summary:

Tav tries his best to serve the patrons at the Dungeon. However, the main patron has a taste for the extreme.

Notes:

Okay, big Content Warning for this chapter. This is by far the most extreme chapter, because this chapter very, very much goes into non-consensual BDSM, up to outright violence and attempted murder and also kinda attempted necrophilia.

Please, please, please, do not read this chapter if you are not in the headspace for that. Okay? Okay.

Half of it was always a show. Like the desperate moans he was giving, while the man pulled on his leash – and the other man, the dwarf, kept thrusting into his ass. In Tav’s experience, most customers of those services wanted to have one of two scenarios: either a very willing, and enthusiastic partner, or someone who was unwilling, and maybe crying a little. He could do both, but it seemed that just for now he was doing quite well being the willing participant.

Greedily he was sucking that dick, without teasing it too much. Oh, he loved to tease, but he assumed that it was nothing for these men. After all, they had bought him to be tortured, something he was right now only delaying. But teasing them might give them the feeling to be powerless. And he did not want that.

Rather he kept bobbing his head like a good whore, ignoring the mixture of spit and cum running down from his chin and getting stuck in his beard. He allowed the man – who had also tied his wrists to the collar, making it rather hard to get proper purchase for his position – to control his movement through the collar and leash.

Tav gave another high-pitched, desperate moan, as the dwarf thrusted into his ass especially violently. Though the dwarf just laughed over this.

“You really do have a lot of endurance, don’t you?” he teased.

Tav knew better than to give a real answer. Rather he moaned a loan “hmm” against the cock in his mouth, just as the man using his front pulled the leash especially short to draw him in right to the hip and ejaculate into Tav’s throat.

Tav gurgled just a bit, as the man pulled back.

“Don’t swallow yet,” he said.

It was not as if Tav could properly look up, without being able to hold himself on his hands. Some more cum was running over his chin, though given that he had gotten two loads into the face already, it made not a lot of difference.

The dwarf chuckled again, before gripping Tav’s hip harder, to thrust into him more, groaning like an animal as he did.

Tav allowed his own moans to turn kind of whiny, panting loudly. They seemed to enjoy this.

They had been going at it for a good hour so far, maybe a bit more, and quite a bit of his skin was covered with cum. He had done what he had promised. Doing all five at once. Something that needed some focus, but was quite possible with his anatomy and only cocks involved. Usually, cocks tended to be just a bit easier to handle than cunts. Especially when they did belong to men. Men were simple after all. Tav would know, given he was a man himself.

It was not as if he had climaxed, though he most certainly had given them the impression. In the end, doing this kind of service was more about acting than anything else. Sure, he had serviced people in the past, with whom he had felt safe enough to allow himself to give up enough control – but usually he did not like it.

Another reason why he hated aphrodisiacs. Because when those had been given to him, it was no longer his choice. His body would just do it, would make him cum again and again.

He knew the names of the men by now. William was the guy who had paid, from what Tav could tell the heir to an important merchant empire. One of the other men was his younger brother Jacks, the other three some friends of colleagues. Kestan, Firelle, and Grimmir, the dwarf.

William had so far only fucked Tav twice and had for a while now been sitting there, watching his friends do with Tav as they wanted, while he himself was smoking the pipe.

Now Grimmir gave an especially loud grunt, followed by something akin to a howl. Then he stopped, having climaxed into Tav’s ass.

As he pulled out of Tav, he was panting. “Gods darn, he is tight.”

Tav almost grinned to himself. It was really amusing how many people were surprised about the fact that those muscles could be controlled.

Jacks, who had fucked Tav’s mouth just now, pulled Tav up by the collar. “Show me. Have you swallowed?”

Tav opened his mouth willingly showing the cum still in his mouth.

At this the man grimaced. “Gross.”

Tav let even more of the liquid run over his chin as he spoke. “You told me not to swallow,” he said, in a very innocent voice.

It was William, who was laughing now. “Come over here, sweetheart.”

Tav used the fact that Jacks was still holding him up on the leash to properly shift his weight and get back onto his knees. Then he skuttled over to William, who while having gotten rid of his trousers, was very much still wearing his fancy tunic. “What can I do for you?” he asked.

William looked at him. He had rather deep blue eyes, that were cold, though. “You think yourself clever, don’t you?”

“I have no idea what you are talking about, saer,” Tav replied.

“So, you are telling me you are not at all playing for time right now?”

“Playing for time?” Tav looked at him from big eyes. “Why would I?”

“Why would you indeed?” William replied. “After all, given you are working for the temple, one would assume you are a little whore, who gets all wet and mushy from a bit of pain, right?” He inhaled deeply through the pipe, blowing the smoke at Tav. “But then again, I am wondering whether you have heard something about me before.”

“Heard something about you?” Tav asked. “No. Is there something interesting to hear?”

“Stop the act.” William bowed down to unbind Tav’s wrists. “Show me your palms.”

For just a moment Tav hesitated. But he knew better than to outright deny the man. He showed his damp palms to him.

A smile showed on William’s face, then he used Tav’s palms to empty his pipe out on them.

The scream coming now over Tav’s lips was genuine. His instinct was to throw of the hot ash, but William caught his wrists before he could.

“You know why we are here, don’t you?” William asked, his voice now dangerous.

Of course the man had not been wrong. While he had not been outright told what to expect with William, Tav had come to his own conclusions. Those being, that yes, the Truescar wanted to test him and his loyalty, but also that this particular patron was a bad one – one that many could not deal with properly.

And yes, because of it, Tav had been playing for time. After all, they were all men, and as he kept thinking: Men tended to be simple. Fuck them, and they tended to be easier to handle.

Back when he had been a child, something between two thirds and three forth of the customers in the brothel had been men. And all in all… Sure, the worst customers for the most part had been men. But in general men had been easier to handle. Fuck them, let them get their dicks wet, and they tended to be happy. Women… Women were more complicated.

Right now, William’s eyes were sharp as they were fixed on Tav – all while Tav tried to ascertain, how to best react. Should he be pathetic or show a bit more spunk?

He decided for a soft whimper and just two tears. “Please, saer. I just…”

“It’s not going to be that simple, sweetheart,” the man whispered. “Say, did you ever get proper riding lessons?”

Tav almost sighed with relief. The wooden horse. Yeah, that he could easily deal with. He did not show his relief.

“Jacks. Let him ride for a bit,” William now said, just filling his pipe with new pellets.

Just to put on a bit of a show, Tav whined again, as the other man pulled him onto his feet, using the leash to pull him over to the wooden horse. “Please, can’t we just… have a bit more fun?”

“See, sweetheart,” Kestan said, “here is the thing. William has… a very taste when it comes to having fun.”

Tav gave another whimper, as he reached the torture instrument. He gave them his best expression of the “poor, kicked puppy” gaze, only to be met by a sigh from Jacks.

“Look, boy. Do you want to mount that thing yourself, or do I need to put you on it?”

Tav sniffled. “I will… I will do it myself.” His hands were still hurting. He probably had some good burns there now – even though they would be healed in a few hours time.

Climbing onto the instrument himself allowed him to better distribute his weight. It would not make a lot of difference, given the was rather sure, they would bind his legs, but just a bit could still be worthwhile.

He did not dare to look at William, but he still was wondering, how far that man would go. What was it, that he wanted? Did he just want a chance to torture a whimpering victim? Or was it about something else?

Because Tav could be the whimpering victim. That would be quite easy.

As such he gave a long whine as he mounted the wooden horse, with the sharp edge pressing against his genitals, most of his weight distributed against them. A shiver ran down his spine, this one quite genuine, and probably showing to them.

“Do you know what I am going to do now?” Jacks asked, something like a smile on his lips.

“You gonna tie up my legs?” Tav replied.

“Right you are.” He got some of the ropes prepared in the room and started with it, binding Tav’s calves against his thighs. He did the left leg first, then the right one.

Tav tried to focus on keeping some tension on his knees, so that they could still take some of his weight. Giving him just a bit of control over this situation.

He whined again. Sadly Fhedré was very right. As soon as some of the pain went to his genitals, the pain mixed so much easier with the pleasure. It should not be this way, but sadly it was, making him shake in anticipation.

“Tie up his arms, too,” William said. “I want him whipped.”

Closing his eyes, Tav just allowed it to happen. He even gave his arms to Jacks, as the man tied up both wrists once more, pulling them up on rope, using one of the hooks in the ceiling.

A rather inadvertent moan came over his lips, as he had to shift his weight just a bit again. Darn it.

When he was in a situation that felt somewhat safe, he did not mind, when his pleasure took over, when he lost control. But right now… Right now he wasn’t safe, and he knew it. Tav might now know a lot about the fucking religions and history, but he knew people. And William… He gave him some really bad vibes. He could not say it different.

Hells, with Viola he felt somewhat safe. She loved to push his limits, but she was not really dangerous. She would never really harm him – not in the way that was permanent. Nothing that could not be fixed with one of the more expensive healing potions.

William? Tav was not sure.

It was Kestan, who took the whip. Once more just a normal leather whip. After all only Loviatans were really allowed Loviatar’s sacred whip.

And Kestan did not start like most. He did not start on the back. Rather he took position in front of the wooden horse, letting the whip crack only once.

What could Tav say? The man was not unskilled in using the whip – though by far not as skilled as the Loviatans at the temple.

Still, as the leather left a red streak over Tav’s chest, another more genuine whimper came over his lips, as his body was shaking just a bit. He drew in a sharp breath, fighting the urge to close his eyes. Instead he looked at Kestan, who seemed so eager to get some words of approval from William.

The whip hissed again, earning another whimper. Some urge inside of Tav wanted him to move his hips against the sharp edge, just to get a bit more stimulation. He fought that urge down, trying to keep in control.

Yet, the whip hit him again, and again. Kastan seemed to like it, when the leather wrapped around Tav’s body. While the pain did not go as deep this way, it was burning a bit more. And in his situation it was not, as if it was making a big difference.

In the end, Tav lost his fight. He threw back his head, letting off a deep groan.

He did not want to give in, but his body… His body definitely had its own ideas. It did not seem to want to sense the pain. It was not just his mind. It was his body, too.

Shit. Tav was not sure, how he should handle the situation. He did not know. But holding against this urge became harder and harder.

His whimpers and moans became more and more honest. And in the end? In the end he could not help but grind his hip just a bit, creating pain and pleasure all on his own. Something he had control over – only that he had not.

The orgasm that followed, left him shaking and whining.

“Did he just cum?” Firelle asked.

“Almost sounded like it,” Grimmir replied.

Tav drew in a deep breath. Thinking was becoming harder right now. Still, he forced another smile. “I am sorry, kind saers. I… I just came. I know, you did not allow it. I know it. I am so sorry.”

William grunted. He seemed annoyed. “Just continue.”

Kestan nodded – and did exactly that. He continued the whipping, while Tav could do little to get away. He could deal with this, but the fact that he already lost the fight once, made it harder to regain control. He tried to. He truly tried, but in the end he failed, loosing control again, as he climaxed once more, squirming even more this time.

“Stop,” William said. “Get him off that thing.”

Tav turned his head to look at him – and he did not like what he saw. He did not like the expression in those cold eyes. The expression told him, that the man had an idea, and Tav was rather certain he would not like the idea.

Next thing he knew, his hands were tied, before he was pulled of the wooden horse, without them untying his legs first.

He fell, trying to push himself up.

“So, I was right.” William was standing over him now. “You are a whore for the pain, aren’t you?”

Tav had to consider the situation. In the end he smiled. “You got me there, chief.”

“Does your cunt hurt right now?”

“Oh yeah, a lot.”

“Can you still get yourself off?”

“If you want me to,” Tav replied. “Do you want me to?”

“Sure.” Tav really did not like the smile on the man’s lips. “Show us how you get yourself off.”

And even though he did not like it, Tav did. He did it for real. While he made a big show out of it, he did indeed rub himself to completion. His whimpers and moans, upon contact with the indeed painful cunt and clit were not even fake. And still…

“You think yourself clever, don’t you?” William asked.

“What? Why?”

“Being all showy. Trying to distract us with that.”

Tav was not sure what to make of this. “I am… sorry. I am afraid it is simply who I am.”

“We will see.” William got up, before pushing  two of the stools in the room towards the front. “Jacks, tie his arms behind his back.”

“What are you planning?” Jacks asked, though he did so quite lightheartedly.

“I am going to break him.” William, too, got something, though Tav could not see what, as one moment later, Jacks pushed him to lie on his stomach. Something that Tav did, knowing there was no way around it either way. So he allowed the man to tie his arms behind his back – before untying his legs.

He got pulled onto his feet, though like always after having his legs tied, he swayed at first and needed to find his balance.

Just as he managed, Jacks pushed him over to William, though. And only now could Tav see, what this man had done with the rope he had been working with.

Suddenly the room felt a whole lot colder. Tav shook his head. “You cannot do that.”

“Do what?” William asked, with a smile on his lips.

“Kill me.”

“Who is talking about killing you?” The man replied, putting the noose around Tav’s neck.

“I am fairly certain that hanging will kill me.”

“Are you?” William hooked his fingers into the ring in front of the collar.

“Yeah,” Tav whispered.

“Well, I think it asks for an experiment, don’t you think? To see whether your hypothesis is correct.”

Tav tried to take a few steps away from him. “You cannot be fucking serious. You know the rules of this place, right?” He stopped, when he felt the noose tighten.

“Ah, there it is.” William smiled. “Finally an honest reaction.”

Tav looked at him, knowing he had been right. This guy was fucking dangerous. He pushed away. “No. Please.”

“See, it will be all up to you. You seem to have such good control of your body, don’t you, darling?”

What was Tav supposed to answer to this.

“You see those two stools?” William asked, nodding in the direction of the stools, that stood a good yard apart from one another.

“Yeah?”

“I want you on them. One foot on each stool. Legs spread out nicely.”

“And then?” Tav asked.

“You’ll see.” William was still smiling, as he pulled the end of the noose over one of the hooks – right in the middle between the chairs.

Tav gasped, when some pull came onto the rope, pushing his airways closed. He wanted to claw at the noose – but his hands were tied tightly behind his back.

Now his heart was really racing. He understood the indirect warning from before – but he did not know what to do about any of it. Was someone monitoring the rooms to stop the people from going to far? Was there any magic? Or would Loviatar maybe protect him?

He was shaking, gasping. “Someone… Please… Help me get… to get on the stools.” Already the rope around his neck was pulling him up.

At least one of the men did, what he asked. Be it out of pity, or just to allow William to play with him a bit more. They lifted him up, until he was standing there with his legs spread apart. William still made sure to pull up the rope until it was tight.

“Do you understand the game I am planning?” he asked.

What did it say over Tav, that he indeed understood? “I am assuming that you will go ahead and start torture my cunt. And should I loose self-control and instinctually pull my legs together, I am going to hang.” He was speaking in a flat voice.

“See?” William smiled. “I knew you were cleverer than you were letting on.”

Tav was trembling. “Yeah. I guess I am.” His gaze was shooting from one corner to the next, trying to find a way out. “You know, I have had my cunt tortured quite a bit recently.”

“Well, that is good for you then, isn’t it?” William said. “Then you should be completely prepared for this.” He did not hesitate, before pushing his entire hand into Tav. “And look, you really do have quite a bit of control.”

This next whimper was desperate and afraid. “Yeah…” Tav closed his eyes, as the man started to move his hand, clearly trying to make him cum. Tears were welling up in Tav’s eyes, because the truth was, that he was afraid.

He knew he could take quite a lot – but he also knew that his self-control was not endless. And he was not sure whether William was just trying to play mindgames or would indeed…. Well, would indeed let him die.

The moan coming over Tav’s lips was half a sob, even though he could not do anything. His thighs were already twitching, and his cunt was already painful. Still. He came. Within a few minutes he came, sobbing even more as he did.

“Look at that.” William was grinning. “I already like you so much more, sweetheart.” Then he turned around to his friends. “What do you think we should do now?”

“I can think of something,” Grimmir said, coming over. “Look.” He got some oil with him. “I am even being nice. But I just cannot help but wonder one thing.” He shoved three slicky fingers up Tav’s ass, making him groan. Then he added a forth finger – and Tav knew quite well what came next. He tried to relax into it, before the entire first was pushed up his ass. “Wow, this one really has a lot of self-control, doesn’t he?”

“He is probably a professional,” Jacks noted.

More sobs came over Tav’s lips. He tried to get his breathing under control, though it was not easy. He knew he was more helpless, as he was sobbing, and still…

“Hey, sweetheart?” Grimmir said. “Can you cum from your ass?”

Tav could lie. But what would it get him? “Y-yes,” he whispered. And just let it happen.

In the end, the outcome was predictable, as he was made to climax once more, his legs shaking even more. It was hard to keep standing with his legs apart like this – especially while already loosing some muscle control to the orgasms.

“See? You are doing quite good so far.” William smiled.

“Yeah,” Tav managed. “I know.” And still there was another sob.

“Let’s put this on the real test,” Kesten said. He got a short flogger, as Tav just took another deep breath.

He could do this. He could keep his legs apart, even when his genitals were mutilated. He would get through this somehow. Trying to focus on his breathing, he just awaited the impacts. His sobbing was getting a bit better now, though it did not stop. Just as he could not stop those rather pitiful whines as the flogger hit his genitals.

This pain was so familiar. He could deal with it. In the end he could deal with the pain. Really, the fear of that rope around his neck was harder to deal with. Because… Nobody had done anything so far. Nobody had come in to stop his. And he started to believe that nobody would be coming. If those assholes tried to kill him… He might die.

And Tav did not want to die.

“Man, how many were these?” Kesten asked.

“Hey, sweetheart, that question was for you,” William said.

Tav looked at them. “I… I have not counted.”

“I guess then you’ll have to start from the beginning again,” Jacks said and laughed. “Because you do need to be challenged properly.”

Another sob came over Tav’s lips, but he closed his eyes. “Sure. If you think so.”

“Oh, darling.” William came over to him. “Your initial reaction to this has been so beautiful. But now you are starting to get rather boring, you know that?”

“I am sorry,” Tav answered, though he did so in a flat voice. “So… Should I… Should I count aloud?”

Icy eyes were watching him. But then William nodded. “I think fifty should be plenty.”

“Yes. I guess it would be plenty indeed,” Tav muttered.

He had to wonder, how long they would go on with this. But right now all he could do was try and hold out, until they got bored. And as such he did just that. Simple beating against his cunt he could endure either way. It was not that bad. Even fifty. Especially as with him standing up Kesten did not have the best angle to get the flogger to be really fast. So fifty impacts like this he could somehow endure, even though he started to wonder how long it would be until his legs gave up.

Standing with his legs spread and without any other help to keep balance, was by now having his legs twitch and tremble. And he was almost certain that sooner or later, he would loose the control and still fall.

By the time they had reached fifty impacts, though, Tav had stopped sobbing. He had his breath back under control, even though his heart was beating painfully in his chest. Still he was thinking how to get out of this situation – and he had no proper idea.

William was by now wandering the wall with the displayed instruments of torture. “Now he really is getting boring.”

“Maybe we should stop it though, before he really falls,” Firelle noted.

“Please, Firelle. Where would be the fun in that?” William ran his hands over some of the instruments. “No… I want to see his reaction, when his legs will no longer hold him. When he really hangs.”

“You don’t,” Tav whispered.

“Oh yes, sweetheart. I do.” His hand stopped on one of the things lying out here. A metal dildo mounted on a staff. He smiled, as he had an idea. With it in his hands he came back. He did not hesitate long before thrusting it into Tav, making him groan as he did.

Tav slowly exhaled, but then he just endured this as well. It was a lot more painful than before, of course, with the pain from the beating on top of the bruises from the horse.

Given that right now his body would tell fairly strongly when he came, he just allowed it. He allowed it to happen. Though he just could not muster the energy to give much of a reaction anymore. Really, he just wanted to curl up… if he only could.

“Don’t do that, sweetheart.” He sighed as he pulled the dildo out of Tav. “Don’t clamp up like this. I want a reaction out of you.”

Tav did not answer. He just could not answer anymore.

William shook his head. “You know, if you had kept up your initial reaction for a bit, I might have let you down. But I think right now… I want to find out where I can take this.”

Frowning, Tav look at him – only to realize a moment later, that he had made a mistake by not giving this man what he wanted. “No… No. No. No. No.”

William was going over to the fireplace. And he was holding the metal dildo into it.

“No. Please. Please. No. Don’t. Don’t.”

“Why not?” William said. “I am sure you can handle it. And in the end you are going to be healed, right? Unless you die, of course. Then I guess they could not heal you.”

“Please…” Tav was trembling now. He had been burned on the inside before, sure. But not like this. Not like this. And… He was not sure. He was not sure whether he could do this. “Please. Please. I… You can do anything. But not that. Not… No. Please.”

“Ah, there it is. This is what I was waiting for.”

“You are not serious, are you?” Jacks asked.

“Why not?” William pulled the now glowing metal out of the fire. “I paid for it, didn’t I? What do you reckon it would feel like to fuck a burned cunt?”

“Please. Please. Don’t. Please.” Tav was panting again. He wanted to move away, only that he couldn’t. he couldn’t move an inch, as William came back over to him. “Please. Just… Please. I… Not… Let me down first.”

William smiled. “Where would be the fun in that?” Then he thrusted the metal into him once more.

Things happened too fast for Tav’s mind to catch up with it. The pain shot through his body like a lightning bolt, making him cramp up. It was just as he feared. He could not help it. He pulled up his legs, pressing them together in an useless attempt to protect himself, only for his body to fall, his weight to hang from his neck.

The good thing: His neck did not break. But instead the rope now cut into his throat as a sound half a scream, half a gasp escaped him.

He tried to get something back under his feet, but he couldn’t. And the whole time the fucking asshole did not pull the metal back out.

It felt like Tav’s heart was exploding, as his body was writhing – all the movement not making the rope around his neck any better. He gasped for air. He wanted to scream, but no proper sound escaped him. His body started spasming, started spasming hard.

Then the world slowly turned dark.

 

---

 

Tav was not sure, what was nightmare and what was real. He was fairly certain those men were still with him for a while. He woke up several times to more pain – and to cocks in different openings of his body. Not dead though. He was not dead. Not quite. Or maybe it was and this was just his spirit stuck to his fucking body for a bit longer.

“Tav. Tav. Tav. Come on.” The voice speaking to him now was somewhat panicked. Though it was not as if Tav could answer.

“Tav. Please. Stay with me.” There was gentle warmth. Somewhere was a gentle warmth. Familiar. And soothing. Yes, this was soothing.

Tav wanted to lean against it. Only that he could not move. He could not move a single muscle. He was not even sure whether he still had a body.

More of the warmth flooded his existence. It did feel good. It did feel like a tether of some sorts. A reminder, too. A reminder to breathe.

Breathing hurt.

Breathing hurt a fucking lot right now.

“Tav. Tav. Please wake up.”

Someone was touching his cheek. And Tav recognized the voice. Yes, he recognized it. He wanted to open his eyes, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t.

He managed a sound, though. Barely more than a rasp. “Fhe…”

“Tav.” Fhedré sounded relieved. “Gods… I am sorry. Had they told me… I would not have let them. I would not have let this happen. Not…”

Tav gasped for air again. Breathing hurt still.

He noticed he could move his arms now. Blindly he felt for Fhedré’s hands, pushing them towards his throat.

And Fhedré understood. The warm energy was flowing into Tav’s throat now, mending it slowly. So slowly. Only that as the throat was mending and, well, Tav didn’t know. Maybe more blood was getting to his brain or something. It was just that he started to realize in how much pain he was.

“I know. I know,” Fhedré whispered, as Tav started whining. “I know. I am sorry. I cannot any faster. I might need help healing you.”

Tav’s legs were twitching. He felt it, and he could not control it.

“I don’t know why Truescar Githan… Why she wanted you to… I am so sorry. This… This was wrong. I am…”

Tav could not answer. His voice was still gone, even as his throat was slowly mending. He kept whining, even though there was some comfort in Fhedré’s touch.

“Normally there are security measures to stop this from happening,” Fhedré said. “I don’t know… I don’t understand… I… I will bring you somewhere else, alright?”

Tav just nodded. He leaned into Fhedré, when the man scooped him up from the floor.

His body barely wanted to move anymore. Pain. Too much pain. He was fairly sure, he lost consciousness again, only to wake when someone else was touching him.

“Tav!” This voice sounded even more panicked. “What the fuck have you assholes done to him?”

“It wasn’t us,” Fhedré said.

“Oh yeah, I am sure he just accidentally fell and received burns all over his body!”

“No. They… They allowed patrons of a dungeon, to…”

“Of a fucking brothel?”

“It is technically not a brothel, it is…”

From the sound that followed, Tav was fairly sure that Kantei had just slapped Fhedré.

“I did not make this choice,” Fhedré said. “Truescar Githan had the idea to… put him in front of some of our most generous and least predictable patrons… If someone had asked me, I would have stopped it.”

“Well then, why the fuck didn’t you?”

“Because I only learned about it an hour ago,” Fhedré replied. “Something had… gone really wrong. He needs healing.”

“You think?” Kantei was screaming.

“Yes, I very much think so. Can you heal?”

“What?”

“Tav said something like this. Can you heal?”

The question seemed to blindside Kantei. “Yeah,” she finally said.

“Then come with me.”

Notes:

Yeah, as I said. There are other chapters in here (especially later) that do feature some dubcon and noncon scenes, but this one is by far the harshest. And this is less about the Loviatans, than it is abotu people with money and power.

Chapter 26: A Loving Caress

Summary:

Tav wakes up to both Kantei and Fhedré caring for him.

Tav felt horrible, as he woke up. And worst of all: At first he did not remember why. He just knew his head was hurting – as was his neck.

He felt, like he had cried a lot, and his airways were still a bit stuffy from it. His eyes were swollen, too. And right now… He did not have a lot of energy. No energy to move. So he just laid there, in what he assumed was a bed.

At some point his position became too uncomfortable however, making him turn around, groaning in the process.

Someone caressed his hair as he did. “Tav?” The voice was so familiar. He had not expected it upon waking up though.

He squinted. Dark skin, brown eyes, and the typical fine features of an elf. “Tei?”

“How are you?” she asked softly.

“I don’t know,” he whispered. “My… My head hurts.”

“I can get you a potion to make it better,” another voice said.

Tav wanted to turn around, but he didn’t manage. He just… He did not have enough energy, not enough strength for it. But he knew it was Fhedré. They were both here. In fact, it seemed that the three of them were in Fhedré’s room.

Thinking was hard. Everything was hard. Yeah. Everything was hard right now. He did not want to do it. Breathing… Breathing was enough for now.

“Closer,” he whispered. “Please.”

They understood, though they both hesitated for a long moment, before actually doing what he was asking for. Skuttling closer to him. Each of them putting an arm around him – though very much making sure to touch each other as little as possible.

It still felt good. Both of them were warm. So warm.

Tav could still not remember what had happened. But he did remember that it had been bad. It had left him with a feeling of hollowness – and he knew that this feeling was always the worst.

He soaked in their warmth. At least this felt good to him right now. And they were both here. He did not quite understand why, though he could at least put together some pieces. He had been hurt. They had both been worried, right?

He was fairly certain, that he drifted back to sleep for a while, feeling at least somewhat more awake, when he woke up.

By now a certain physical need was hard to ignore. He needed to piss. It was almost painful. He sat up, groaning as he did.

“Careful.” Fhedré was by his side.

“I… Piss. I need to.” Tav did not quite manage to order the words right, but it was good enough.

“Do I need to carry you?”

“I… I don’t know.”

“Tav,” Kantei now said, reaching out. Tav leaned into her caress, though then he pushed himself to the side of the bed.

It turned out, that yes. Fhedré needed to carry him. As Tav got up, his legs started twitching and instantly gave out under him. Only because Fhedré was quick, did he not fall onto the ground.

Being caried to the next toilette – where holes in the ground let the excrements into the chasms of this underground place – was somewhat embarrassing. But Tav guessed it was less embarrassing than pissing himself.

Pissing himself… He had pissed himself yesterday. Yes. He remembered that. Because… Because he had been unconscious. Because…

Fhedré helped him to clean himself off, before carrying him back.

It was strange. He had gotten quite some abuse from the Loviatans so far, but he had not really felt that bad afterwards. Normally Fhedré healing him was enough. Only that today – or rather last night – it clearly had not been.

After having put Tav back into the bed, Fhedré stood there for a long moment, clearly unsure what to do next. He came to a conclusion after a moment, though. “I will get us some breakfast. And some… Some potions for you.”

Tav allowed himself to fall back into the pillows. “Alright.” He closed his eyes once more.

Vaguely he heard how Fhedré got properly dressed, before leaving the room.

Only after he was gone for a minute or so, did Kantei speak up. “Tav?”

Tav forced himself to open his eyes again – even though his eyelids felt like they had been made from lead. “Yeah?”

“How are you feeling?” she asked carefully, taking his hand into her own.

For a moment Tav was tempted to lie. But lying would only make her angry, wouldn’t it. “Exhausted. Mostly. And my head hurts.”

She paused, before starting to caress his forehead with her hand.

He closed his eyes again, enjoying the soft touch. Then he dared to ask. “I… I don’t really remember… What… happened?”

“I do not really know,” Kantei said. “I know that… I saw him, that is… Fhedré… I saw him carrying you and… I thought you were dead.” Her own breath was shaky, her voice close to breaking. “You were so badly… Your throat was bruised and you were… your lips were blue. And you were bleeding. And burned. And… All I know is, that Fhedré said you had been working in a brothel and that a John had done this to you, and that…” A barely suppressed sob came over her lips.

Again he opened his eyes, seeing the tears on her face. “I am sorry, I made you worry.”

She grunted, clearly with some anger. “That is really not the problem here!”

Even though he could not hold back another groan, he pushed himself up to skuttle closer to her and wrap his arms around her shoulders. “I am still sorry.”

Now she sobbed against his shoulder. “You are such a fucking idiot… You are an idiot, Tav.”

“I know…”

It was as if some resistance had fallen from her. Her sobs became more frequent, as she wrapped her arms around him as well. Clearly miserable. Miserable, and it was his fault.

He caressed her hair. Because it was all he could do.

He still could not quite remember, what had happened the day before. He just knew… Someone had been really bad to him, hadn’t they?

“Can we please… Please go home?” Kantei whispered, as her breath slowly evened out.

He understood. He did understand. She was talking about Baldur’s Gate – opposite to wherever he was right now. Only that… “Tei…”

“Tav, please.” She pushed him away to be able to look him in the eyes. “Tav. You have to see that this… This is insanity!”

He sighed. He just did not have the energy to argue right now. But he knew… He knew that he did not want to leave. Even though he did not remember…

The door was opened and Fhedré came in carrying a tray filled with three bowls, a bug jug, and three different flasks of potions.

He looked from one to the other, seeing Kantei’s tears.

“How are you right now?” he then asked carefully.

Tav sighed. “Exhausted. Mostly… I think mostly exhausted. I… Fhedré, please. What happened yesterday? I… I don’t really remember much.”

Fhedré hesitated. He took one of the bowls of porridge, putting it into Tav’s hands. There were bits of meat in there, as well as egg. “Do you need help eating?”

Tav shook his head. He filled a spoon and lifted it to his lips. 

Only after Tav had eaten the spoon – swallowing still somewhat hurt, he noted – did Fhedré take a bowl for himself. He did not get the third bowl for Kantei, but she took it off the tray on her own, even though it was clear she did not feel like eating.

“Yesterday… I was busy. And apparently Truescar Githan… She… You know that we do recruit over the Dungeons, but we also generate income for the temple over them. And… We do have one patron, who is willing to give quite a lot of money, to just… go to some extremes. And apparently she asked you to serve him and his friends, and you agreed. Undoubtedly not knowing who they were and what they were capable of. And I… I learned of it too late.”

Tav nodded slowly.

“I honestly don’t know, what all the stuff was they did to you. But… When… When I learned about it and looked up on you, they were having their way with you for a good four hours, though I don’t think you were conscious for most of it. I… I know they hurt you badly. Really badly. More than I would’ve been able to heal on my own. They also… They hanged you. With a noose. You… I don’t know how they did it. But you are lucky…” Now it was Fhedré speaking with a hoarse voice. Fhedré, who was taking a shaky breath. “When I got in there, I thought you were dead. You were barely breathing…” He was the one incapable of holding back, raising his hand to caress Tav’s cheek. “Maybe it is better that you do not remember much.”

Tav breathed slowly, before he continued to eat. “Maybe…”

Silence fell once more, as all three of them were eating.

The warm porridge did feel somewhat nice. It gave at least a bit of energy back to Tav’s body. Not enough. He still felt like sleeping for the rest of the day. But some of it.

He looked over to Fhedré again. “What did you do, when… When you found me?”

“I kicked those assholes out,” Fhedré said bitterly. “I wish I could’ve done more to them. They knew quite well that… That there are limits not crossed.”

“Yeah,” Tav muttered.

“I gave the one guy a black eye, though I wish I could’ve taken the whole eye out.”

The tiniest smile spread over Tav’s lips. He really did not quite remember the last evening, and was maybe glad for it. But… Just to know that these people here cared for him. They really cared for him. Both of them. Enough that they both were here now. In this room. Had been by his side throughout the night.

It made him happy. For now it mostly made him happy.

With swallowing still hurting, it took him a while to finish the porridge. But once he had, he did feel quite a bit better, sighing as he leaned against the pillows once more.

He only now started to become aware, that he was still naked. But… Well, they both had seen him naked quite a few times before, and it was not as if he really minded.

“You still need to drink something, Tav,” Fhedré said, pouring something from the big jug into a mug.

“Alright,” Tav whispered. “Swallowing… Swallowing hurts.”

Fhedré nodded slowly. “I will have to leave for a few hours.” He shot Kantei a gaze. “Can I trust you to look after him?”

She frowned. “Other than you I will not let something like this happen,” she said bitterly.

Fhedré sighed, but did not argue about this point – even though Tav would have loved to argue about it himself. He just was too tired.

“When I get back, I will heal you again. See whether there is some leftover damage.”

“I can heal him too, you know?” Kantei said.

“I know.” Fhedré got one of the potion flasks from the tray. “You should drink all three of them. They should help you feel better.”

“What are they?” Tav asked, his voice once more almost failing.

“One is against the pain and the headache. One is to give you back your energy. And one is… Well, to fix any internal damage that might be there.”

Tav nodded. “Alright. I… I will drink them. Just not… Give me a bit.”

“Sure.” Fhedré got up from the bed. “I am leaving you under your watchful eye, Kantei.”

She did not reply, and so for a long moment, Fhedré hesitated, before drawing a deep breath and leaving.

Kantei just sat there, on the side of the bed. She indeed watched Tav, as he settled properly into the pillows, closing his eyes, and trying to breathe slowly.

What Fhedré had told him right now felt somewhat unreal, he had to admit. Dead. Had he really almost died? Not from the pain, of course. Rather… Rather because he had been hung? He did not remember it. He did really not remember it. And a part of him was afraid that if he slept, he would remember it sooner or later.

There was this part of him, who had to wonder, how Loviatar could have allowed it. But then again… Maybe she had not allowed it. Maybe she had made sure that Fhedré found him just in time. Who knew? Who could understand the gods after all?

“Do you want to sleep some more?” Kantei asked.

He nodded slowly. “Yeah. I think… I need to. Can you hold me?”

“I can,” she said, now a lot more softly than before. “But I think you should drink those potions first.”

He grunted, but forced himself to open his eyes. “I… I guess.”

 

***

 

No matter how many unspoken things were standing between them right now – it was good to sleep so close to Kantei again. To feel her warmth and to smell her scent. Familiar. So familiar. Even though they only knew each other for three years about right now. Still. She was maybe the most familiar thing in his life.

He drifted in and out of sleep. It was hard to tell, how much time was passing, given there was no light from the outside. So time felt strangely unreal, as it was passing.

He was still wondering, where they even were. Was this Baldur’s Gate or another place? He felt like it was different. Like closer to the ocean, rather than the river. But maybe he was wrong about that. He was not quite sure.

Some memories did return between sleeping and waking. Not too many details. But he did remember the room in which things had happened on the last evening. And he did remember, how afraid he had been. He remembered the feeling of a noose around his neck – a memory that made him shiver, as Kantei just held him firm.

From the vague memories he had, he could gather that something about the way he had acted, had set his torturer off. That merchant guy. William, Tav thought had been his name.

It had been somewhat Tav’s fault. He… He should’ve been better at reading the man. He should’ve been better at reading the situation. After all, he should’ve known better. It was not the first time he had to deal with a violent customer.

Still, those things that had happened felt unreal. More like a bad dream than anything that actually…

Fhedré and Kantei had been there. They had healed him. They had cleaned him, too. While there was some sweat and dried cum in his hair and beard still, they had mostly cleaned of his skin. Something he was thankful for. Because… He was fairly sure he had been a mess. He… He was fairly certain that once he had gotten unconscious, he had lost control over his bladder and bowels. And then…

He did not want to know what state he had been in, when Fhedré had found him.

Still, when Fhedré returned on what was probably the afternoon, Tav was still lying in bed.

Fhedré went around the bed, sitting down on the side on which Kantei wasn’t lying, to caress Tav’s shoulder. “Tav?”

Tav squinted to look at him. “Yeah?”

“I brought you some more food. You should eat some more. You need the energy.”

While Tav was not really feeling hungry, he nodded. With a deep groan, he pushed himself up, being helped by Fhedré.

It was this, that probably woke Kantei. She sat up as well, and watched, as Fhedré cut down some meat for Tav, leaving it to Tav to eat for himself. She watched, too, as Fhedré filled up another mug with tea to give it to Tav.

Only, when Tav had finished eating, did Kantei dare to speak again.

“You have to see it now, too, don’t you?” she whispered, making them both turn their heads. “That this is messed up, I mean.”

Tav sighed, not quite knowing how to react. “Tei… That… They were not with the temple. They… This could’ve happened anywhere else. And you know… You know that there are other places where stuff like this happens.”

“But it did not happen somewhere else,” she said.

“It does all the time. I mean… Look, some people will pay prostitutes to get to hurt them. And…” It was the truth he had known for quite a while now. “Look, there is basically no occupation that gets outright murdered as often as prostitutes. It does not matter whether it is in one of those Dungeons or in fucking Sharess’ Caress in Baldur’s Gate.”

“So you just… what?” she asked.

“We will investigate what exactly went wrong,” Fhedré said. “Normally, there are security measures in place. Normally there are, well, people keeping an eye out with patrons like William. Something yesterday went wrong. And we will find out what.”

“And… you don’t see anything else wrong with that?” Kantei stared at them.

Tav did not evade her gaze this time. Rather he took her hand. “There are bad people everywhere. That’s just… I have met people like that fucking asshole before. And I mean… I am still alive. Thanks to Fhedré. And thanks to you.”

“So you… What? Just go on? With all of this?” Her voice was shaking now, and there were once again tears in her eyes.

“I don’t think… I don’t think I will… I will let myself be used in that dungeon again,” Tav said. “At least not anytime soon. But… I also think I want to stay here.”

The tears were falling now. “Fhedré,” she said. “You… You have to see that this is not good for him. You have to see that he is simply hurting himself, right? You care about him. I saw that yesterday. You care about him. You want him safe, don’t you?”

“I do want him safe, yes.” Fhedré held her gaze. “And I think this is the best place to keep him safe.”

“Even after what happened yesterday?”

“Yes, even after that.” Fhedré was so clearly not sure whether he could touch her, but in the end he put one hand onto her shoulder. “Kantei. I understand that you are upset. I am upset, too. But if you are honest with yourself, you will see, too, that right now Tav does not need all this arguing. He just needs some care. And to be held. And to eat and to rest. Everything else can wait at least until tomorrow, don’t you think?”

Kantei looked, as if she wanted to argue, but then she turned her attention to Tav and sighed. Slowly she wiped away her tears. “I… Yeah.”

Notes:

And more than pretty much anything, this chapter is such a wonderful view into what is wrong with Tav. Because no, he really does not understand why Kantei is upset with him. And while her understanding of the situation is not fully right, it is definitely a lot more right, than his own. There is some self-harm involved in his behavior here. (This is not me saying that all masochism is self-harm, btw, just in his case self-harm plays some part in it. It is not 100% why he is doing it - like he is definitely also just masochistic. But he is also self-harming to punish himself in a way.) This man desperately needs therapy, but sadly therapy does not exist in the forgotten realms.

Chapter 27: Between Them

Summary:

Trying to convince Kantei that staying with the Loviatans is good for Tav, he and Fhedré ask her to attend one of their sessions.

Notes:

Okay, I kinda feel like I should give some warning here. While the scene here is fairly tame in comparison to the other scenes, there is a lot of instances of Bad BSDM etiquette in this scene. Including someone, who does stuff they themselves do not want, and forces others to go along. So, yeah. All in all, this scene is a mess.

Tav spend that entire day in bed, being cared for by the two people he wanted to be close to. Because he wanted both of them. Both of them. He wanted the soft care Kantei was giving him, as well as the careful dominance that Fhedré would offer him. He wanted to be hugged by both of them, wanted to be held by them.

Fhedré healed him again that afternoon, finding some more spots where it seemed that Tav had sustained some internal injuries. Tav did not really know – but what he knew was, that after that healing, swallowing became a lot easier.

He laid between them that afternoon, too. He laid between them, in those warm embraces. Again he slipped in and out of sleep, though sadly it seemed that each time he woke, he woke with more memories of what had happened.

Four hours. Fhedré had said he had been with those people for four hours. And them hanging him… It must’ve been after something between one or two hours. So afterwards they had used and abused him for at least two more hours before Fhedré had saved him.

It was a miracle, that he was alive. Especially given the glimpses he was remembering now.

He had not been unconscious the entire time. And each time that evening he had woken, the pain had been worse. They had even hung him a second time – which might explain why his throat was such a fucking mess.

Still. By the time the next morning came, at least Tav’s body was feeling a lot better. The exhaustion seemed to be mostly gone. And his heart… Well, sleeping in the arms of those two wonderful people, knowing they would protect him, helped.

He opened his eyes. There was a very dim twilight in the room right now – and he was fairly certain both of his partners were still sleeping. Partners? Well, frankly he did not know what exactly Fhedré was to him. Only that Fhedré very much had fallen for him and that Tav… He did not know. He just knew that he felt safe with that man around.

Again he just relaxed into their warmth.

He also did remember Kantei’s desperation from the day before. Her pleas to get him to return to Baldur’s Gate.

But there were two simple truth right now: He dreaded the thought of going back to that rather boring, and purposeless life he had been leading in Baldur’s Gate. And he hated the idea of being apart from Fhedré. Because right now… right now it felt as if Fhedré filled out a hole in Tav’s life. A hole he just needed to have filled – that was a metaphorical hole, not that he was complaining about the physical holes getting filled either.

It was Fhedré, too, who woke up before Kantei that morning. He was so thoughtful. Rather than speaking, he caressed Tav’s cheek, and Tav just smiled. He leaned in for a kiss, enjoying it as this kiss got a lot more passionate soon.

A part of him – that part, that liked being seductive – wanted to grind against the man. But he held back. Not with Kantei here.

“Tav?” That was her voice, as she was waking.

Fhedré and him had still been sharing those little kisses for the last… what? Maybe twenty minutes. And it was Tav’s nature to just move over to her, kiss her as well. Softly. Lovingly.

He caressed her cheek, smiling at her, as he could see her eyes glimmer.

“Tav…” She sighed. “How… How are you feeling today?”

“A lot better,” he replied. “Thank you for being there the entire day. Yesterday, I mean.”

“You know I would not leave your side. Not…” She took his hand into her own, kissing the tips of his fingers. “Can we try and talk?”

What was Tav supposed to reply to this? He knew that their talks would just go around in circles some more if they did. He gave a deep sigh. “Can I ask you something, Tei?”

Just as he did, she hesitated. “You can ask.”

“Can you at least try and understand where I am coming from?”

“Tav… I do understand it. I do, I just…”

“No, Tei. You don’t.” He turned his head to look at Fhedré, before turning towards her once more. “Please, Tei… Just once… I want you to participate just once.”

 

---

 

“I still don’t understand what it is supposed to change.” Kantei was sitting next to him on the bench in one of the hallways. “I have seen what these people are doing to you, and… Tav, you cannot expect me to be alright with that.”

“You have just seen some of the extremes so far,” Tav said. “I mean, you have seen that ritual. And I get that it was extreme.”

“They had a fucking dragon rape you!”

“No. A dragon fucked me. Again, I was aware that would happen and I consented.”

“A fucking dragon, Tav!”

He chuckled, even though he knew that it might make her angrier. “See, the thing is that… I start to appreciate that. You know? It’s kinda hot.”

“You cannot be serious,” he muttered. Carefully she cupped his face with her hands, pressing a short kiss onto his lips. “Look, I know you are a fucking horndog. I know that. But… This… This is not good for you. And if you were honest…”

He sighed. “Just play along today, alright? I swear, it is different with Fhedré either way. You will see. He is so… so soft during it.”

She hesitated. “What…” She broke off, looking at him with her dark eyes. “What even is he to you?”

“I don’t quite know yet,” Tav said. “But I know that I trust him, and that I feel safe with him.”

With this, at the very least, she did not argue.

Tav was not entirely certain, but he knew that after Fhedré had gotten him back from the Dungeon, the two of them must’ve talked. Probably quite a bit. While Tav had been unconscious and they had taken care of him.

He had to wonder, what Fhedré had told Kantei. But he did not dare to ask.

It was just then, that Fhedré came along the corridor. He stopped in front of them, watching them for a moment, before announcing: “I have prepared something.”

Tav could not help but smile. He got up, with Fhedré taking his hand, unable to hold back on pressing a kiss on Tav’s forehead.

Kantei hesitated a moment longer, but in the end she got up as well. “Fine,” she said flatly. “I… I will give it a chance.”

“That’s a start.” Fhedré smiled at her, before guiding the two of them.

Still, it seemed that Kantei could not help a huff, as they got to the torture chamber. “Is this entire complex filled with torture chambers?”

“Well, yes.” Fhedré looked at her, as he closed the door behind the two of them. “It is the receiving and giving of pain, through which we honor Loviatar.”

This torture chamber was mostly understated, though. There were chains and a free space – as well as a table that had some chains attached as well. Other than that, Fhedré had put some tools for whipping there, as well as a bowl filled with the short, thin needles.

“Seems kinda like some people do a whole lot for the goddess than others,” Kantei muttered. “Some of you get to get off on torturing someone, while others endure pain?”

“Tei.” Tav looked at her. “Look, I get off on the pain, alright? That’s why… Why I want you to see it.” He started stripping of his clothes.

“Besides,” Fhedré said. “Each follower of Loviatar is required to endure pain. I will whip myself three times a day in her name to show Her my thanks. It is just that some of us – like Tav – are able to endure so much more than others.”

“And you use that!” Kantei glared at him.

Fhedré did not go into the defensive. Instead he remained calm. “Tav told me, you have spanked and slapped him before.”

Even though her dark skin hid it well, Tav could tell that his girlfriend was blushing. “Well… Yeah. I did.”

“He said, too, that you have bruised him like that.”

Now she shot Tav a gaze, clearly angry he had talked about it. “Yeah, because he… He asked me to.”

“Now let me ask you this,” Fhedré said. “What really is the difference?”

She frowned. “You really ask that? I saw you folks cutting him, and impaling him, and burning him, and having him fucked by a dragon!”

“Yes,” Fhedré said. “But what really is the difference?”

“That I am not crazy!”

By now Tav was naked, leaning against that table. He wanted to say something, but decided to leave it to Fhedré. Fhedré, who was so good at remaining calm.

Fhedré put a hand onto his shoulders. “Tav?”

“Yeah?”

“Which one do you want to start with.” Fhedré gestured towards the instruments he had gotten out.

Tav looked at them, one after the other. Two different paddles, a flogger, a whip, as well as Loviatar’s cat-o-nine-tails, a cane. He considered it for a moment, when he noticed something about one of the paddles. There were tiny thorns sticking out of it. Thorns that would break the skin no doubt.

He took it, offering it to Fhedré. “This one.” He dared to shoot a gaze to Kantei. “I think… Twenty would be a good start.”

Fhedré smiled, once more unable to resist caressing Tav’s cheek. “That sounds good. Lean over the table.”

Tav did what the man asked of him. He leaned forward over the table, understanding very well, why he was not tied up today. He inhaled deeply, only to give a little gasp, as the tool impacted his ass.

Oh, it burned quite a bit, as those little thorns hurt his skin.

“Tav…” Kantei stared at him, as Fhedré pulled back that paddle, only to hit him again – and then again.

Today Tav just allowed himself to get sucked into that feeling. Something that was easier with Fhedré as well, because Tav felt so safe with him.

When the paddle hit him the forth time, he could not help a tiny moan.

He closed his eyes to enjoy it. Oh, he was wet already, his folds tingling in anticipation. He knew he wanted to know them abused as well. Because in the end, this pain would feel so good. So good. So fucking amazing…

He moaned again, as Fhedré continued. His skin was burning, his flesh hurting. But it was just the most amazing feeling. Especially each time Fhedré paused to just caress him for a moment.

Vaguely he was still aware of Kantei watching this. He did not dare to look at her, but he could hear her whispers. “Tav… Tav…”

In the end, he lasted until eighteen, before he lost the control. He was sweating, squirming, moaning. He wanted to nestle against Fhedré, and Fhedré knew it, gently running one hand down Tav’s spine.

“Did you cum?” he asked, with Tav just nodding.

“Yeah.”

“Does it feel good?”

Tav panted, looking at Fhedré from feverish eyes. “Yes.”

“We are still two hits away from twenty,” Fhedré whispered.

“I know.” Tav smiled once more. “Just continue.”

And Fhedré did. He continued. Two more hits, keeping Tav squirming. Then he looked over to Kantei. “Come over here, Kantei.”

She hesitated. “He is bleeding.”

“Yes, he is.” Fhedré ran his flat hand over Tav’s bloody ass. “But those wounds are all very superficial. Nothing that cannot easily be healed.” He gave a playful slap against the bloodied ass, making Tav squirm just once more. “Come here.”

And in the end, Kantei did.

“Give me your hand,” Fhedré said.

When Kantei did, it was Fhedré, who guided that hand between Tav’s legs.

“Feel how wet he is?”

Kantei hesitated, but in the end she allowed her fingers to glide along Tav’s folds, getting another pant from him. “Tav…”

“Please, Tei…”

“You are hurt.”

“I know. It feels so good,” he whispered. Slowly he opened his eyes to look at her. “Please, Tei.”

Once more she was pausing. Then a sigh came over her lips. “What… What should I do?”

“I think you actually know.” Fhedré spoke softly. He himself now sat on the edge of the table, gesturing Tav to lean against him.

Somehow Tav just understood. He understood, heaving himself up onto Fhedré’s lap, and allowing the other man to spread his legs, to better show of his crotch to Kantei.

Her gaze so clearly said, that she still did not understand. Still, she came closer, letting her fingers glid along the folds again, before pushing two of her fingers into him, earning her a moan. She looked at his face. “You really are wet.”

“Yeah,” he whispered. “This… This is so good.” Another moan came over his lips. “Add… Add more fingers. You… you do know, I can take your entire hand.”

She hesitated. But in the end they both knew, she had done this before. So in the end, she pushed her entire hand in, getting him to squirm and groan with pleasure.

While her hand was by far not as big as Fhedré’s, it still was nice and filling. And she knew him quite well. They had had three years to learn quite a bit about each other’s bodies.

Something in her eyes betrayed, that she did not understand, but she still did it. She still moved her hand in the way, she knew would be enticing to him, getting him to moan again, and again, while Fhedré made sure to keep his legs nice and spread.

“Tei… Tei…” He was still vaguely aware of the pain from his ass, but like always in these situations, the pain just mixed into his pleasure, making him moan even louder, until he could no longer hold it back, the orgasm making his body tremble.

She looked at him, as she pulled out her hand. “Tav…”

Tav could feel Fhedré smile, as the man kissed him. “How do you say?”

Tav chuckled just a bit at this, before opening his eyes. “Thank you, Tei.”

“See? That’s a good boy.”

Kantei frowned. “Why are you like this?”

“Because it is what he needs,” Fhedré said. “He needs this, don’t you see?” Even now Fhedré was keeping Tav’s legs spread.

“Why would he need that?”

“Because it is freeing,” Tav whispered, looking at her again. “It… I can let go. Especially with him… and with you. I can just let go.” His voice was a bit of a higher pitch than before.

“How is this freeing?” She was still staring at him.

“Because… I don’t know, Tei. It is… I can just give into those feelings and it… It feels good.”

She looked at his face, then at his cunt as it was still twitching.

It was Fhedré, who spoke again. “What do you want next, Tav?”

This time, Tav did not need long to decide. He was starting to realize that indeed one of the tool was the one he really liked. “Use the cane on my back. But… Don’t hold back.”

“Sure.” Fhedré was careful, when letting Tav down. He turned him around, running his hands along Tav’s back once more. “Do you want to lie down this time?”

Tav thought about it just a moment, then he nodded, climbing onto the table to lie down on his stomach, as Fhedré got the cane.

“How many do you want this time?” Fhedré asked.

“Fifty,” Tav said, making Kantei gasp.

“You cannot be serious.”

Tav almost chuckled again. “Oh, I am very serious.” He looked at her, and smiled, waiting for that first impact, twitching just a little when it came.

The pain from the cane was just so nice and sharp. It burned, but there was this other trait to it, that went a bit deeper. And it was good. He liked it. He liked it especially, when the third hit already broke his skin, making him whimper just a bit.

He smiled, though.

Yes, this was nice. Oh, this was so fucking nice.

He allowed himself to be taken by the pain, though the pleasure was a bit lower right now, given that he had already climaxed twice. But even without it, he could really enjoy the pain. The way Fhedré had so much control over the thin cane, as it came down on Tav’s back. Not every hit of it broke the skin, but Tav panted in excitement every single time. It was so good. It was really good.

While admittedly, he did not count, it was maybe after twenty of the hits, that the pleasure started to rise as well once more. It turned those little pants and gasps upon every other impact into little moans. Even though the pleasure was building a lot slower than before, leaving him on the edge – but not quite pushed over it, when Fhedré stopped.

Tav looked at him. “Was that… Was it already fifty?”

“It was.” Fhedré laughed upon the gaze Tav gave. “Don’t look so disappointed.”

“I could do with ten more,” Tav muttered.

“You are bleeding.” Kantei came over to him. “Don’t you think you should heal all of that now?”

“No.” Tav sat slowly up, closing his eyes to enjoy the pain for just a bit as he did. “It is going to be fine. The wounds should be washed out before healing either way.” Then he knew that Fhedré was behind him, and leaned against the man. “I want you to do my crotch next.”

“With the cane, too?” Fhedré asked.

“Hmm. I think with the flogger.” Tav shifted his position to lie down on his bruised an open back, before spreading his legs again.

While Fhedré took the flogger, Kantei came up to the table to look Tav in the face. “Why are you doing this?”

He shrugged. “It feels good. As I said. Just believe me. I… I like this feeling, alright? It is…” He gasped, when suddenly the flogger hit his folds. “Gods… I don’t know how to explain it to you.” Another moan as he was hit again. Admittedly, talking like this was hard. “When Viola started this… Sure, she did go over all my limits, but…” Yet one other moan. “But I never had an orgasm anywhere close to that strong.” He closed his eyes, allowing that feeling to take over once more.

Fhedré was just so good with this. Oh, his impacts had just the right strength. Each of them was burning like hell, especially on his folds. And yet they also were the most wonderful feeling. The most intense feeling. He just could not help but love it. Each one of them.

“So it is just about that?” Kantei asked, as he was lying there, moaning and squirming just a bit. “About getting off?”

“Not…” Another hit, another moan. “Not just… It is… This is exhausting. But it is also… It feels freeing. Like…” He groaned again, his body trembling just a bit. “I do not have…. I do not have to pretend anything.”

Fhedré hit him again. Three times in short succession. And it was this, that pushed Tav over. He was arching his back, throwing his hip up, screaming almost with pleasure.

Fhedré could not hold back a chuckle. “That was a strong one, wasn’t it?”

Tav laid there, legs still spread apart – because he knew how to behave – but panting. “Yeah. Gods. That one was… something.”

“I just… I don’t get it,” Kantei muttered.

Even though Tav would’ve liked to just enjoy those little afterquakes of his climax for another minute, he pushed himself to sit up. He gestured to Fhedré and found to his delight, that the man understood, handing him the flogger.

So, Tav offered it to Kantei. “Try it.”

She looked at him. “You want me to beat you like that?”

“Yeah.”

“In your crotch?”

Tav shrugged. “Wherever you want. I don’t mind either way. Though… I guess in my crotch you have the best chance to get me to cum.” He could not help but give an awkward chuckle of his own.

The silence that followed stretched on for way too long. But then it seemed, that Kantei came to a decision. “No,” she said. Then she opened her own tight-fitting trousers, as she fixated on Fhedré now. “I want you to do it to me.”

Both men were staring at her now. “What?”

“You both heard me. I want you to do it to me. Beat me. Down there. I wanna know what it feels like.”

Now, Tav might not know a lot of things, but his instincts told him very definitely, that this was a bad idea. “Tei, I don’t think… Look, just because I like it… I don’t think you will enjoy it. I am fairly sure you won’t.”

She gave him a gaze that clearly said she would not take any protest. “I want to know what it feels like. And be it just the pain.” She took the flogger, holding it out to Fhedré. “Will you do it?”

Fhedré looked at Tav, who just shook his head. But then the man sighed. “Of course. I can do it, if it is what you wish.”

“Tei,” Tav whispered.

Her gaze was suddenly a lot colder – and a lot more stubborn. Which was the thing about both of them. They could be both incredibly stubborn. Of course they were. “Let me on that table.”

He tried to think of a way to stop her, and found, that he couldn’t. Not without making her angrier. But… Well, he was not certain, but he did assume that she would not enjoy pain the same way he would. And yet, as he skuttled off the table, she laid down on it. A little tremble in her knees as she spread her legs betrayed, that she was not certain about this at all – and still, she spread her legs apart.

“Do it,” she said, while Fhedré gently pressed against her knees.

“If you take your knees just a bit further up, I will have a better angle,” he said.

She frowned, but then adjusted. “Like this?”

“Yes, that’s a lot better.” He took position.

For a moment it felt, like Tav’s heart stopped beating. Then he could hear the crack of the flogger as it made contact with her skin.

Her reaction was instantaneous. She howled, instinctively clamping up her legs.

“Tei,” Tav whispered, coming to take her hand. “I told you… Just because I…”

She narrowed her eyes, taking a deep breath. She looked over to Fhedré. “How many do you think we should do?”

Fhedré did not look convinced about this at all. “Maybe this is just…”

Her voice was angry. “Ten? Do you think ten would be a good start?”

“Kantei, if you do not enjoy this, then…”

“Well, then take it as an offering to your fucking asshole goddess,” she growled. “Just do it!”

“Fhedré.” Tav shot the other man a pleading look, hoping he would manage to talk some sense into her. But it seemed that he decided this was the easiest way.

He let the flogger slash through the air again, and once more she gave a high-pitched scream, whimpering and pushing together her legs.

“Tei…” Tav ran his fingers through her black hair.

But she was stubborn. Oh, she was so stubborn. She spread her legs again, biting her teeth together.

When the flogger hit her again, she somehow managed to keep her legs spread – even though tears started to well up in her eyes.

“Tei…”

Fhedré hit her a forth time, with her giving off a whine.

The tears were running over her cheeks now, but when Tav shot Fhedré another look, she shook her head.

“Ten times,” she insisted. “Ten times.”

It was so clear that none of those confused feelings between pleasure and pain existed for her. For her it was simply pain. A very pure, and simple pain. Nothing arousing. Nothing enticing about it. While her noises were not that dissimilar from the noises Tav might make while being punished, they lacked the same kind of invitation. They were simply desperate.

And yet, whenever Fhedré paused, she just whispered. “Ten.” Even though she started sobbing on the eighth hit, her entire body trembling as they finally hit ten.

She instantly rolled onto her side, curling up.

“Tei,” Tav whispered. “I told you… Just… Tei…” He again ran his fingers through her hair. “I am sorry, I cannot just show you how I feel. I…” He sighed, realizing this should not be his priority right now.

Her hands were clamping her own crotch right now, in an instinctual attempt to protect it.

Very carefully, he pushed his own hand in between her legs and hands.

She clamped up further, but he was insistent. Healing magic worked better, if you could touch the subject.

“Let me,” he whispered. “Let me. Just let me heal it. The pain will go away in a few minutes. Tei. Please.”

Her hands relaxed just a bit at least, allowing him to touch her folds.

He only knew one version of a healing spell. One that used his voice for it. And as such he started humming softly, using the melody to conduct the magic.

She was still sobbing, as his magic was flowing into her, slowly mending the mostly superficial damage the leather had done. Painful on the sensitive tissue, maybe. But still… Sure, he knew that his entire perception of pain was somewhat messed up. So he guessed, that in a way it was as hard for him to understand her reaction, as it was the other way around.

“Tav…” she whispered, looking at him from those tearful eyes now.

He kept humming, until he felt those bruises meant completely. He smiled at her. “See? It’s still easily fixed.”

She sniffled.

If he was honest, he could admit, that he was not thinking straight. That he was not taking in the whole situation – with Fhedré still very much present, though wise enough to hold himself back. All Tav wanted, was to make the situation a bit more pleasurable to Kantei. So, he pulled her hip down to the end of the table, before sitting down on a chair.

He caressed her between her legs, until finally she started to relax. She was still sobbing just a bit, as she opened her legs for him.

Indeed, her folds were no longer red or burning from those hits before. They were just as dark as they would normally be. And he kissed them, softly. He kissed them, before running his tongue along their entire length.

“Tav…” she whispered.

He smiled. He knew her, after all. He knew how to spread her folds apart with his fingers, to be able to tease her clit a bit. When she finally started to relax into it, he started to feel just a bit better.

He sucked on her clit, while teasing it with his tongue.

At some point those little sobs started to turn into moans, as she became more and more relaxed.

“Tav…” A deeper moan came over her lips.

She pushed her upper body a bit up, just to bury her own hands in his hair.

“Tav…”

He knew her. Oh, he knew her

Taking care of a woman’s desires – or in general of someone with a cunt – was often harder. Especially if they did not belong to a desperate horndog as he was himself. It was just something about a cock that was easier to handle. Maybe it was just the fact, that all their sensitive points were on the outside, even though most folks with cocks had also a sensitive ass.

Still, he knew Kantei. He had been the first person other than herself to ever make her cum. And he knew her body. He knew how to get her to react. And right now something told him, that it was, what was needed.

He continued to lick her. Softly and with care. Until her moans became more desperate. Until he could finally feel her quiver with excitement.

As he felt her cunt twitch, he smiled at her. “See? It’s all… It’s good now, isn’t it?”

She looked at him from those beautiful dark eyes. First she opened her mouth, then closed it again. Then she sighed. “You are…” She reached out to run a hand over his bleeding shoulder. “Do you even feel the pain?”

Chapter 28: The Right Thing

Summary:

Tav wants to show the paintaking to Kantei, believing it will show her that not everything about the Loviatan cult is bad.

Notes:

No really much kink in this chapter. There is a bit of sleepy sex in the beginning, but that's it. :P

Kantei had always been a person to sleep in. Maybe because back at her home her mother never allowed her – always controlling each waking hour of her life. As such it was not that surprising to find her still sleeping, when he woke the next day.

Fhedré on the other hand was already awake. He noticed Tav moving and pulled him close, with Tav not saying anything. He just nestled again the other man, enjoying his warmth.

This entire situation was more complicated than he had wanted it to turn out. Because the truth was… Sure, he did not know what exactly Fhedré was to him, but right now he did not want to lose either of them. Not Fhedré, not Kantei. And he hated, that he knew, that no matter what he did right now, he would lose one of them.

Kantei would not accept him staying and becoming Loviatan. Fhedré meanwhile would not be able to be with him, if Tav left.

There was the other truth, of course. The truth that Tav wanted to stay. Because this place… Even after that entire mishap almost killing Tav, he still felt a lot better here, than he had felt out there. Well, at least than he had felt living in Baldur’s Gate.

It was not as if he did not understand how this was messed up. He knew. Oh, he knew.

But frankly, he did not care whether it was because he was a chosen of Loviatar, or because when they did those things to him while he was still a kid, something had broken inside of him. He really did not know. All he knew was, that until he had come here, he had woken up so often with a racing heartbeat and a specific feeling of fear. And here? Well, here she did not feel any of that. When he woke up here, he was calm. And the pain and pleasure… Why would it be bad for him to chase it? Why should be a bad thing for him to want to feel good?

Those two and half months ago, when he had met Fhedré… During the ritual it had made him fear for his life, as the dragon had started fucking him. But afterwards, once he had realized that he had been safe all along, it had been somewhat exciting. And frankly, those three – no, four – days ago, during the ritual, it simply had been exciting.

It was unnatural. He knew it was. It was fucking unnatural. But darn it, he kinda had to wonder, what it would feel like to get fucked by other kinds of monsters.

Maybe Fhedré noticed where his thoughts were going, as Fhedré’s left hand glid between Tav’s legs, finding him already wet.

Tav did not make any sound, but he nestled further again Fhedré, lightly spreading his legs once more, to allow Fhedré to rub him.

Given he was lying with his back to Fhedré’s chest, he could not really see the other man. Especially not in the dim twilight. Still, Tav somewhat knew that Fhedré was smiling. Especially when he pushed down the simple trousers, he had been wearing, a bit.

Tav understood, adjusting his position. He closed his eyes, sighing slightly, as Fhedré’s cock pressed into his cunt.

They managed to stay silent. Fhedré was holding onto Tav’s hip, controlling it a bit so he could properly thrust. Which was just another thing. Tav just loved to be controlled like this. He be held down, even though right now it was barely more a suggestion.

Even though he was normally quite loud during this, Tav also knew well, how to control his voice. He did not want to wake Kantei. More than that, he did not want her to wake up to this. While she knew, that he and Fhedré were fucking… Well, she just did not have to wake up to this, had she?

It felt good, though. It felt amazing. Even without any pain or anything. It felt good. Their bodies seemed to just be made for each other.

Tav could sense, how their bodies just more and more synched up. Their breath. Their heartbeat. It felt good. It felt, as if he was melting into Fhedré. And when Tav’s own body was twitching, and his fingers buried themselves into the bedlinen, he could feel Fhedré tense and relax, too.

Just the barest hint of a chuckle came over Fhedré’s lips, as he kissed Tav’s neck.

Then they just laid there, cooling down again. The juices were still dripping out of Tav’s cunt, but he kinda liked that feeling, too.

It was at least another quarter hour, until Kantei actually woke.

She opened her eyes, staring at Tav with this expression. She looked so lost – and Tav felt bad, because it was his fault, wasn’t it?

He skuttled closer to her, kissing her cheek first, then her lips. He smiled. “Good morning. How… How are you feeling today?”

She sighed. “I… I don’t know, Tav. I… I don’t know.”

He sat up, stretching just a bit. “How about we go and have breakfast?”

“That sounds good,” Fhedré said. “Just so you are warned, I have another busy day.”

Tav sighed. But he had feared something like this. A part of him kinda wanted to follow Fhedré along on a normal day in the temple, but he understood quite well, that right now he – Tav – had to look out for Kantei first. “That’s okay.”

“I can find someone… Well, if you want another day off, you can have it. Especially as you are not yet initiated. But… If you want, I can also find someone else, who…”

“No,” Tav said, understanding quite well, what Fhedré was talking about. His training. But he had been thinking, and there was just one thing. The one thing he hoped might come through to Kantei. “I thought of showing Kantei the paintaking today.”

“The what?” she asked.

“It is something the people here do for the folks coming from out there,” Tav said. “You… It is easiest if I show you.” He got up, having slept nude once more.

He could tell from her expression, that she noticed the cum on his thighs, though she did not say anything about it.

She just looked from him to Fhedré, before sighing. “Fine.”

 

***

 

Tav had washed himself up properly before breakfast. He was dressed in fresh clothing, too, as he was guiding Kantei to the medical area of the temple.

He could sense how Kantei was quite tense next to him. She was tense, though she did not say anything to him right now.

When he took her hand, she held his in return. But still without a word.

It was so hard to talk to her right now. Because yesterday… Well, he had known that it would be how it would end, when she had asked to be beaten. Because she was not like him. She had not had those mixed-up feelings about pain and pleasure. She was just stubborn. It was something he loved about her normally, but yesterday… She had wanted to demonstrate to him, how a normal person would react to this, didn’t she? Something along those lines. And yeah, sure, maybe she was right about that. Maybe it was simply that he was messed up. And yet…

It had not been good for her to experience that, had it?

“This… The thing you wanted to show me. What is it?” she asked, just as they reached the medical ward.

He sighed. “I know you still think that everyone here is awful. I get that. But… Did you know that this temple is offering a lot of medical services for free?”

She thought about this for a moment. “Why? So… they could have someone suffer in the temple?”

“No, because they understand that pain is a blessing not everyone can accept,” Tav said. “Some it can help grow and understand their life better. But others… They cannot. And it is not in Loviatar’s interest to have them suffer unnecessarily.”

Kantei evaded his gaze. “Is that so?”

“Yeah,” he said and smiled. “Let me show you.”

A long pause followed, but then she nodded. “Alright.”

His smile widened, then he pulled her into the ward, knowing fully well of the noises they would be met. The same soft moaning, and groaning.

Healing magic was a strange thing. It could mend a lot of damage – especially when cast by a gifted healer like Fhedré. Still. Healing magic could not fight off infections.  There were potions that could help with it, but often enough infected tissue had to be cut out. And at times that meant people would lose limbs and such.

Tav did not know the intricate details about this, but he knew how it worked in general. It was, why Fhedré made sure to properly clean up his wounds, before healing him.

And yes, Tav had noticed that on the last afternoon this had only irritated Kantei even more, as Tav had walked around with those open wounds for almost another hour, before Fhedré had finally healed him. It had not bothered Tav a lot. On the contrary. He had noticed quite well, how on the corridors, people hat shot those wounds on his back some rather appreciative looks. He had felt proud. He had felt quite proud of them – of being able to just walk upright, while he was bleeding from his back.

“There are Sharrans here,” Kantei noted, as she looked around on the ward.

“Yes, they work together with the Loviatans on some stuff,” Tav said. “Especially the surgeries.”

It was a bit awkward. He had been down here one more time to look after Miria on his seventh day at the temple – and she had been doing a lot better.

Now, when he looked through the beds filled with the sick and injured, it was one of the nurses who noticed him.

“Tav,” she said, coming over to him. “I remember you. Miria is already back home, if you are looking for her.”

He turned  to the woman. A woman with very bright skin and lightly slanted eyes, wearing the robes of a follower of Shar. “That is good to hear,” he said. “But actually… I…” He gave a somewhat self-conscious chuckle. “Actually, I came here because I wanted to show the ward to my partner. And… Well, I was wondering, whether I could take over the paintaking for someone today.”

The woman looked at him, seeming just a bit amused by him. “I do assume that you are still not properly trained in this, are you?”

“No?” he answered honestly. “But I managed last time, didn’t?”

“You did,” she admitted. “Though I heard you almost fainted.”

“Just almost. I… I am pretty good at not fainting, you know?”

Once more the woman looked him up and down, before sighing. “To be truthful with you, there are always more patients than we can handle. So obviously any help is appreciated.” She considered it for a moment. “We do have someone, who was supposed to go through the pain on his own – because frankly, he is going to be in pain either way. If you want to help the poor bloke…”

“Sure,” Tav said. “What… What is he here for?”

“Shattered his arm,” she replied. “And the bones need to be set before he can be healed.”

Tav took a deep breath. That sounded like a kind of pain he could actually deal with. “Well, I will do that.”

 

---

 

The man was groaning in pain, holding his arm close to the body. He was a young lad, just a bit older than Tav. An accident at the mill – that much Tav had learned. And yes, admittedly, the man’s right arm looked like a bloody mess. Literally.

It was clear, that Kantei was still not quite sure about the entire thing. She looked at Tav, as one of the nurses bound him down. “So, his pain gets put on you?” she asked, after having been explained the procedure.

“Yes, exactly,” Tav said.

“Why the fuck are they tying you down?”

“Standard procedure,” the nurse – still the same Sharran as before – said. “During some surgeries the paintakers start to move about too much and hurt themselves. This is safer.”

“This kind of pain is a lot more unpredictable, you know?” Tav tried to explain. “Especially with the inflammations and stuff.”

“Why don’t you just put them under a sleeping spell or something?” Kantei asked.

Tav chuckled. “Tei, you remember the story of my surgery, right?”

She looked at his chest, which was still fully exposed in his Loviatan robes. For a moment, she pursed her lips, before sighing. “Yeah, I remember.”

The man howled. “Could we please… Please just…” There were tears in his eyes.

“We are getting ready,” the other nurse here said – she was Loviatan. “You can be glad that dear Tav is here. Otherwise you would have to do without the paintaking, you know.”

The man couldn’t bear to look at Tav. Was he having a bad conscience about it. “I… I know.”

The Sharran nurse offered Tav the gag, and even though he already saw the possible bad outcome ahead, he opened his mouth, before allowing his head to be tied back as well.

Kantei frowned. She went to stand next to the stretcher he was on. “I don’t…”

He tried just a smile, just as the nurse brought the amulet.

“I know there are pain numbing potions,” Kantei now noted.

“Yes,” the nurse said. “But they are very unpredictable for something like this.” She tied the amulet around Tav’s neck. “We work with those as well, but this is more reliable.”

“And conveniently tortures someone…”

Tav would’ve loved to say something, but right now he was quite literally unable to do so. He waited until the poor guy was properly prepared – being laid down with the amulet around his neck as well.

“I will activate the spell, before we tie him down,” the Loviatan said.

Nodding, Tav just prepared himself. He focused on his breathing, as the incantation was muttered.

Of course he could not help but hiss against the gag, as the pain entered his reality. His right arm felt like it was completely destroyed – and looking at the way the man’s arm was bleeding and mangled, it was about what was expected. The pain was not as bad as it had been with Miria, though. Nothing like this infection.

This was bad. Really bad. Worse than the whipping for sure. But it was still…

He breathed against the pain. Slowly. Deliberately.

“Tav?” Kantei asked.

He would have liked to talk to her. Frankly, he probably did not need the gag – right now he did not feel like biting off his tongue. But it was not as if he could change this situation now. Instead he opened her eyes and looked at her, hinting at a smile.

“Tav…”

He could feel those subtle shifts in the pain, as the man was properly tied down, with his arm being readied for the bones to be set.

Tav focused on his breathing. After all Fhedré was not here today to remind him of it. Though this time around… Tav had learned quite a lot over this last tenday about learning how to deal with different kinds of pain.

As such he was patient, as he waited. He felt sweat on his forehead, but he could deal.

Breathe. Keep breathing, he told himself.

“We are going to start now,” the Sharran nurse said.

He nodded – and yet he could not help a tiny whimper, as she touched the man’s hand. His body twitched just a bit.

“Tav?” Kantei asked again.

He could not answer. Just looked at her. Fuck, he should have told them to leave out that gag.

While he could see that he needed to be bound down – he would have moved his arm around, as they started to set those first bones, being unable to keep down some pained noises.

“Tav!” There was a tinge of panic in Kantei’s voice.

“Oh, he is doing good today,” the Loviatan nurse said. “Look. He is quite calm.”

It was the nurses setting the bones. Tav guessed they would not need a surgeon for that. And frankly, it was not the worst pain he had endured. There was always a sharp pain, whenever they manipulated a piece of bone into place, but once it was done, this particular piece had its pain mellow out.

It was arduous though, because the man had managed to break quite a few bones – and some of them into quite a few places.

“Tav…” Once more he could see tears in Kantei’s eyes, as she took his hand and he held hers, making sure not to press it too badly.

He caressed the back of her hand with his thumb. It was the most he could do to comfort her.

Still, this was not nearly as bad, as the other surgery. It was also not nearly as painful, as getting your cock burned. Or your cunt. So really, while the pain was bad… He could deal with it. He could deal with it quite well – even though he most certainly was quite relieved as they finally had set all the bones and started to actually heal the injury, with the pain slowly, very slowly, dimming.

“We are done,” the Sharran nurse said. “Do you still feel any pain?” She shot Tav a look, and he just shook his head.

“Good.” She reached out for his amulet, before looking over at the farmer. “We are going to remove the spell now.”

The man just grunted.

Tav tried to speak, just to get the woman to remove his gag first. Because by now he was quite annoyed by the dumb thing.

At least the woman understood, removing the gag.

“That’s better,” he muttered. “I don’t think I would have needed it, really.”

“Still, better than you biting out your tongue,” she replied.

“Please. If you had any idea, what some folks did to me during those last few days…” Then he remembered, that Kantei was still there, looking at him.

“Tav, how are you…”

“I am doing just fine,” he said. “This was really not that bad.”

The nurse smiled at him, before removing the amulet.

The other nurse looked now at the patient. “Do you feel anything? Any lingering pain?”

“No,” the man said, his voice a bit hallow. “Is it… The spell is no longer working?”

“It isn’t,” she confirmed. “Your arm is fine. Even though you might need up to two days to be properly able to use it again.” She untied his arm. “Try making a fist.”

Tav smiled, before looking at Kantei. “Would you mind untying me? I really wanna scratch myself right now.”

She looked at him, but did not answer. Still. She removed the leather belts holding him down, as well at the leather cuffs tying up his hands.

“Don’t look like that, Tei,” he said. “I am fine.” He raised a hand to caress her cheek. “And… I mean, you have to admit, that this is a good thing to do, right? This is good. This is helping people.”

Her gaze glid from him to the other man. Then she sighed. “That does not mean, that you need to be the one to do it, right?”

He had not expected what she would do next, as she turned around to walk away.

He frowned. “Tei? Tei?”

She did not turn to him again, just walking out of his field of vision limited by the curtains that had been used to limit the area of the surgery.

The nurse looked after her as well, raising an eyebrow. “I think she is angry with you.”

Only that Tav did not quite understand why. What had he done wrong now?

He jumped up from the stretcher, swaying a bit at first but managing to stay upright. “I… I am probably going to be back here,” he said to the nurses, before turning to the farmer. “Good to know you are better now.” Then he ran after Kantei, closing up on her just at the double door of the medical ward.

“Tei!” He grabbed her shoulder. “Tei, what in the nine hells is wrong now?”

She turned to him, once more with tears on her face. “You are… You are… Don’t you get it? Don’t you get how messed up all of this is?”

“What?” He frowned. “I… I just helped someone, right? And… I mean, I get that you do not trust the Loviatans or Loviatar herself. I get that, but… I mean, can’t you just try and keep an open mind? Please, Tei. I am…”

“You know what?” Her voice was hoarse. “You think I don’t get it. But I do. I get it maybe better than you. Somehow… I don’t know how… But somehow all that physical pain drowns out the pain in your soul. And because just you cannot bear that pain, you rather let yourself get tortured into inch of your life. But it is messed up. It is fucking insanity, Tav. Don’t you see that?”

“Tei…” What was she supposed to say to this? “I mean…”

“You know that I am right,” she whispered.

“No, Tei. Please. I… I just need this. I need this, because…”

“No, Tav. What you need is to get better. You need to get better, even though getting better might to you be more painful than… I don’t know. Getting yourself branded, and beaten, and shit.”

“But I am getting better, Tei. Since I am here…”

“Since you are here, you just drowned it all out,” she said. “That’s not getting better. It is distraction.” She turned away, opening the double door to leave the ward, as he stood there, his heart beating painfully.

He just did not know what to say. He did not know how to explain it to her. “Tei!” Once more he went after her, once more he grabbed her shoulder – but as she turned around this time, her flat hand met his cheek.

She looked at him, with those tears streaming over her face. “I… I am sorry… I did not mean to…” She shook her head. “I… Don’t follow me now. I… I need to think.” And with that she ran down the corridor.

 

Notes:

This situation is deliciously fucked up. Because Kantei is somewhat right. While she is a bit overdramatic about it all, she is definitely right that Tav is just coping very hard with his trauma. Of course she is not right that the Loviatans at large do want anything bad for Tav. There might be some people in the temple who are not quite who they appear to be - but Fhedré does care about Tav at the very least.

Chapter 29: Fresh Bruises

Summary:

Tav tries to distract himself from his argument with Kantei.

Tav sighed, as he sat in the dining hall all alone. He had not seen Kantei, since she had run off, and all he could wonder was, what he could’ve done different. Why couldn’t she just understand?

She just did not know what it was to live with that pain. The pain that normally was always lingering in the back of his heart, ready to eat him up from the inside. Maybe she even was right in some regard. Yes, this gave him control over that pain. But was he so wrong to take it?

“Where is Kantei?” It was Fhedré, who now sat down next to him.

Tav sighed. He wanted to lean against the man, wanted to be hugged right now. But he did not do it right now. “She… She got really angry.”

“You showed her the paintaking?” Fhedré asked.

Tav nodded. “Yeah.”

There was a short pause, as Fhedré drank something. “Did something go wrong?”

“No. That’s… That’s what I don’t understand. I just took the pain of someone, who needed his bones set. It was not that bad. But she just… She started crying, and after everything was done… She stormed off, I tried to talk to her, and then…” He gave another deep sigh, before shaking his head. “She just doesn’t understand.”

“I know.” Fhedré carefully caressed Tav’s shoulder. “I am… I am sorry. I understand that you care deeply about her.”

“I do,” Tav whispered.

“I can try to talk to her again.”

Tav was not sure, what to say. This man was too good to him. But he still nodded. “Yeah, maybe.”

“How about this. We eat, then we go to our room, and maybe we get you bathed and relaxed?”

“Our room?” Tav looked at the man.

“Yes. If… If you want to consider it like that,” Fhedré said. “Once you are initiated, I was planning to just make it official. That you are staying with me. That you are under my protection as well.”

“Under your protection?”

“Yes. I… I am going to make sure that you are safe,” Fhedré said. “I promise.” He looked around, before apparently just giving into his instincts. He leaned down and kissed Tav’s forehead.

Somehow this made Tav smile, as a warm sensation was spreading through his chest. “Thank you. And… You know what. The thing you said. That sounds good.”

“I thought so.” Fhedré shot him another smile – one of those that actually reached his eyes.

They ate together, before returning to the room – their room. Tav liked this thought. He liked the thought of someone wanting to just share this with him. A room. A home. A real home. He had not had one of those since that day the goblins had come. Because that dingy room in Baldur’s Gate was less a home, than a place where he slept during the night.

It was as soon, as Tav was in the room, that Fhedré pulled him into a hug, then a soft kiss. His hand first caressed Tav’s cheek, before he ran his fingers through Tav’s hair.

“I am so sorry, I could not be with you today,” he said. “I… I am going to figure something out about that, alright?”

“That’s okay,” Tav replied. “Though I would really want to go with you one day. Just… see, what normally your days look like.”

Once more did the other man kiss him. “I am mostly getting send from one place to the next. I am healing people a lot, you know? And at times I will participate in rituals – or lead them. Because, well, those are my skills.”

Tav took the man’s hand into his own. “I do appreciate those skills.”

Those words got a little chuckle out of Fhedré. “That’s good to know. How about we get you bathed now?”

“What about you?”

“Me?”

“Can we bathe together?” Tav asked.

Fhedré looked over to the bathtub. “I am not quite sure we both fit. I am… a big man.”

“I know,” Tav said. “But I am pretty certain we can make it fit.” He smiled at him. “Please?”

There it was again, this soft and warm smile making Tav melt. “Alright. We can try.”

And they did. Fhedré summoned the water and used a cantrip to heat it, before first sitting down in the tub himself. Then Tav somehow found himself some room between Fhedré’s legs, leaning against the other man.

He just liked the warmth of another body. He liked to be held in this way. With Fhedré wrapping his arms around him, before planting a soft kiss onto Tav’s hair.

“You are a pretty man, you know that?” Fhedré whispered.

“I know,” Tav said. “Do you like looking at me?”

Fhedré chuckled. “Oh, you have no idea, Tav. I love seeing you.” He leaned forward, whispering into Tav’s ear. “Especially naked.”

Those words made Tav laugh. “Can I ask you something?”

“Of course.”

“I… Don’t you mind that I have a cunt? You said you were into men only.”

“But you are a man, aren’t you?” Fhedré asked, pulling him even closer. “It is not as if I have considered that I would ever fa…” He stopped, considering his words. “That I would ever find myself attracted to a man like you. But I don’t mind.” He kissed Tav’s head again. “And even I have to admit, that your cunt does feel rather nice.”

Again Tav found himself smiling at those words. “Alright.” He allowed himself to relax a bit more, trying to forget about what had happened with Kantei before.

Because he just… Maybe their not-understanding of each other was both-sided. Because he just did not understand why she was so distraught about this. He was fine, right? Was it really so hard to see him beaten and whipped, even when he was healed afterwards? It was not as if any of it was permanent. Well, sure. When he would be initiated, then those scars would be permanent.

But he was looking forward to that. He was really looking forward to that. To have Fhedré scar him. Fhedré out of all people…

After a while, Fhedré got some soap to wash Tav’s body. A favor that Tav returned – and he allowed himself this time to fully take in Fhedré’s body. Those muscles were something he did enjoy. Oh, he really enjoyed them. And the scars. They were all so pretty.

Before he knew, they were kissing again, almost forgetting to rinse themselves off. When they were finally out of the water, Tav could not help but laugh a bit. “You are hard again.”

Fhedré chuckled again. “Oh? And whose fault is that?”

“Is it mine?”

“At least a bit,” Fhedré said. He pulled him closer, before letting the water disappear. “You are hard to resist, do you know that?”

Another chuckle. “Oh yeah, I know. I am irresistible,” Tav purred. He leaned against Fhedré, listening to his heartbeat, before looking at him. “Can I… Can I ask you for a favor?”

“Of course you can,” Fhedré said.

“Could you… torture me a bit?” Tav asked. “Not… It does not need to be much. Just… Maybe some beating or something. It… It helps me relax.”

Fhedré looked at him, smiling. He cupped Tav’s face with his hands, before pressing a soft kiss onto his lips. “I can do that. I might even have something here.” He kissed Tav again. “You are incredible.”

“I know,” Tav whispered.

It seemed as if it took Fhedré some willpower to let go of Tav. In the end he did, though, going over to a drawer, before getting something out. “What would you like? A flogger? A simple riding crop?”

“Maybe the riding crop will do.” Tav sat down on the bed, before letting himself fall prone onto it. He skuttled further up, as he spread his legs wide for the other man.

Fhedré noticed this. “So you want me to punish your cunt?”

“Yes.”

Taking the riding crop, Fhedré came over to him. “You do really enjoy that kind of pain, don’t you?”

“I do. I really do. I did not want to admit it at first. But… yeah. It feels good. This pain feels good.”

Fhedré leaned over him just to kiss him again. “Alright. Can I still play around with you a bit?”

“Sure. You can do with me whatever you want, Fhedré. I trust you.”

There was another chuckle, as Fhedré so clearly blushed. “You are ridiculously sweet, you know that?”

“I know.”

“Alright. I am first going to bruise up your chest a bit. Then I am going to do your ass. And only then will I make your cunt hurt. How about that?”

“That sounds good,” Tav said. He closed his eyes, just waiting for the pain to start. He found himself smiling, as the leather crip first hit his chest, where the pain was not quite as sharp. Not even as it hit his nipples. At least at first.

Fhedré did not seem to be disturbed by the lack of a reaction, though. He kept spreading those hits over the chest, focusing on the nipples again and again, until they did start to burn just a bit.

Tav gasped just a little.

Then Fhedré sat down on the bed. He turned Tav around, pulling his torso between his own legs, just so that he could grab around him. He pinched those burning nipples, twisted them, pulled on them, and just kept teasing them, until Tav could no longer hold back a whimper.

Fhedré did not speak. He just continued. He was rough, not holding back with this. Some people might be careful, but he just seemed to know exactly how far he could take it. Pinching and pulling harder, until Tav could not help it. He inadvertently moved his hips.

“Ah, there we go,” Fhedré whispered. “Look at your nipples now. They are looking quite nice, aren’t they?”

Tav opened his eyes. Indeed, he knew what Fhedré meant. Right now his nipples were red hot, and swollen. He knew he was blushing. “Yes.”

“Now be a good boy and give me your legs.”

Tav did it. Pulling his legs further to his torso, where Fhedré caught them and held them down with one arm, while using this position to better access Tav’s ass now.

He started to beat it, too.

A moan came over Tav’s lips, as his mind was slowly starting to slide into this certain headspace. The one, where once again the sensations mixed into this strange new thing, that was so much more exciting than either of them.

He did note, that Fhedré smiled, hearing this moan. Then he continued. With short, firm hits did he further abuse Tav’s ass. He made sure to spread them out, so that no place got to used to it, and the longer he continued, the more Tav was shaking with excitement.

A whimper escaped him now, as he once more moved his hips.

“Aren’t we a bit excited?” Fhedré teased, making Tav laugh.

“As if your cock wasn’t poking my back right now.”

“Is it now?”

Tav laughed even more, because indeed, he could feel Fhedré’s erection against his spine. “Yes. There is some precum dripping from it as well.”

Now Fhedré chuckled as well. “Fair enough. Well, let’s see how your little dirty cunt is fairing then.”

Tav put down his legs to spread them.

Fhedré caressed his folds with the crop. “That looks also quite wet, my good boy.” Then he hit it, getting Tav to gasp. “And oh, you sound so very excited, don’t you?”

“Uhum,” Tav whimpered. “Please.”

“Please, what?”

“Beat me. Beat me a bit.”

“Look at you, asking so nicely.” He hit him again. “Alright. Let’s see what we can do about this.” And with those words he started spreading those hits out over the folds, over the swollen clit as well.

It felt amazing. Simply amazing. Having Tav whimper and moan, as those sensations were taking him over. He did not fight against it either, rather welcoming it when his mind slowly went numb. He did not care how desperate he sounded, how much of his own juices were dripping down from his cunt, or anything. He just liked this feeling. He liked it.

Like so often, the orgasm came suddenly, taking his entire body over. He was twitching and squirming, as a long whine escaped his lips.

As that first quake calmed down, he nestled even more against Fhedré. There was not even a proper word for the noise he was making now.

“There we are,” Fhedré said. “Are we feeling better now?”

Tav nodded.

“That’s good.” Again Fhedré moved him carefully. “Now there is only the question which of your holes I am going to use. Any wishes?”

As so often right after his climax, thinking was incredibly hard. Still, Tav managed. “Let me blow you. I will blow you real good.”

“Do that,” Fhedré said. He changed his position, half sitting against the pillows, while Tav pushed himself to take position between the other man’s legs.

Because it was still something he liked. To have the control like this. The control that during those beating he was giving up. This time he dared to properly use it. He teased Fhedré, focusing first on the tip, before taking in the entire length until the tip made contact with the back of his throat. He smiled, when he could hear the other man gasp. But he kept up his own tempo, bobbing his head a couple of times, before returning to focus on the tip once more. He closed his lips around it, just sucking it, licking of the precum, until a desperate groan escaped Fhedré.

Tav almost grinned, as he continued to just kiss the inside of the other man’s thighs, then his balls. He sucked those, too, feeling Fhedré tremble just a bit underneath him.

“You are cheeky,” he whispered.

“I am.” Tav shot him a smile. “You like it?” Once more he took in the tip.

“Yes.” Fhedré closed his eyes as he moaned. “Yes. You are a very… a very good boy.”

“I know,” Tav breathed, before he continued. Once more he focused on the tip, sucking it quite hard, before once more taking in the full length.

Cocks tended to be quite easy, yes. But there were still ways to keep the pleasure going, even with a cock. For quite a while. And he knew those ways. Oh, he knew those ways. And while he was neither really dominant, nor a sadist, he did enjoy the way he could make the other man moan and tremble just with his lips.

“Tav. Tav. Tav.” By the end Fhedré was whispering his name like a spell, when Tav finally allowed him to cum.

“Goddess…” Fhedré groaned, now himself pushing up his hip without much self-control. Panting he fell back into the pillows, needing a few moments to recuperate. Then he was chuckling again. “You are really quite something, aren’t you?” His fingers once more ran through Tav’s hair.

“I am most certainly something,” Tav whispered, swallowing the cum.

“Come here.” Gently Fhedré gestured for Tav to kiss him, and Tav did, before allowing himself to rest his head against Fhedré’s chest. “You are… indescribable, you know?”

Tav laughed. “That is also one way to go about it.”

“What?”

“About not describing it.”

Fhedré ran his fingers through Tav’s hair once more. “You really do enjoy it, don’t you?”

“Sex? Yes. I… I do.”

“And you are really good at it.”

“Yes, I am.” Tav allowed himself to relax. He just listened to Fhedré’s racing heartbeat, enjoying it. He enjoyed hearing this.

For a while they just laid there. In the bed. Cuddling, their skins already sweaty already, making the entire exercise with the bath rather useless.

“Tav?” Fhedré whispered after a while.

“Yeah?”

“Are you sleeping?”

Tav was giggling like a little girl. “Not quite.”

“Then let me heal you quickly, because I think you are already bruising up.”

“Hmm.” Tav pushed himself up to look at the other man. Slowly he pressed his lips against those of Fhedré. “Maybe… Maybe that’s alright. I have seen a few people run around with bruises here.”

Grey eyes looked at him. Softly. So softly. “Are you sure?”

“Yes,” Tav replied. “I think… I am pretty sure.”

Chapter 30: In the Hands of the Fates

Summary:

Tav wakes up to find Kantei still gone, but Fhedré still with him.

Notes:

This chapter has sex, but very vanilla sex. So nothing big.

The first thing Tav noticed upon waking up the next day, was Fhedré’s warmth. Instinctively he nestled up closer to the other man once more, finding rather quickly that Fhedré was awake – or had gotten woken up by it. At the very least he wrapped his arms around Tav once more, pulling him into a tight hug. Just what Tav needed.

For a moment he just enjoyed the embrace, but then he realized something else. Opening his eyes he found, that Kantei was not here. She had not come to the room last night as he had hoped.

A sigh escaped him, as he rolled over and hid his face against Fhedré’s chest.

“I promise you, if I see her again, I will talk to her,” Fhedré said. “I think she does want, what’s best for you – she just does not understand everything you are dealing with.”

“I know,” Tav whispered. “I know…” He closed his eyes, trying to focus on the things he had right now. Fhedré’s warmth, and his heartbeat, and his strong arms being wrapped around Tav right now. It felt safe. It felt so very safe.

Like he had by now done so many times before, Fhedré kissed Tav’s forehead. “Things might’ve gone better if the entire thing with those assholes… If that had not happened. I am so sorry. I am so sorry I did not stop that.”

“It was not your fault, Fhedré.” While until now they had mostly been whispering, Tav spoke up louder now. Because least of all, he wanted Fhedré to feel responsible for what had happened with William and those four others. Fhedré had not been there. In fact, Fhedré was the one reason things had not ended much worse.

Tav pushed himself up to properly look at the man, who did indeed look guilty. Something that was not at all earned. “It is not your fault.” Tav pushed some of those loose strands of dark hair out of Fhedré’s face.

“It is more complicated than that, right?” Fhedré gave a sad smile. “I promised to protect you and I failed.”

“I am here still,” Tav reminded him. “I am still alive. And right now I am…” He did notice those bruises on his chest. “I am mostly unharmed. And that little bit I am not… That was my choice, right?”

Those grey eyes took in Tav’s body. Then Fhedré reached out his hand, caressing Tav’s left nipple. It was still a bit swollen – and a few of the impacts had left little marks on Tav’s chest. His thumb went over the nipple again, making Tav shiver. “Are you still sensitive here?”

“A bit,” Tav admitted.

Fhedré was silent for a moment, his hand caressing the chest in full, before he played just a bit with the other nipple. “It looks pretty. Can I see your other bruises as well?”

“Of course.” Tav pushed the blanket they had been sleeping under aside, before spreading his legs for his partner once more. Even though he normally was not really concerned about showing of his body, something about the appreciation in Fhedré’s gaze made him blush right now. There was something in this expression, that… Nobody had looked at Tav quite like this before.

It was good, though. Tav liked to be looked at like this.

“Can I touch?” Fhedré asked.

“Of course,” Tav whispered. “I am yours.”

Those words got Fhedré to smile. “You are mine?”

“Yes,” Tav replied. “I am yours.”

Fhedré’s fingers glid over Tav’s clearly bruised folds. When Tav could not help a little whimper, Fhedré kissed him. “Then I am yours, Tav. I am yours as well.” Two of his fingers found their way into Tav, making Tav gasp just a little. “Should I continue?”

Tav closed his eyes once more, relaxing against the pillow. His folds were lightly painful, but also quite sensitive right now. And… Well, what man would not like to wake up to a bit of sex? “Yeah,” he whispered, feeling almost amused by it.

He just allowed himself to give into it, as Fhedré started to move his fingers. There was not even any domination in here, or torture, or anything. It was slow. It was soft. It was… loving. Yes. Loving was the right word for it.

Tav moaned, and for once his own moan was not desperate, but itself soft and more passionate. “Fhedré…” There was a warm feeling inside of it, and he gave into it. He let this feeling guide him through the experience, allow for it to be the feeling pushing onwards his pleasure.

It was a slower pleasure than what would come with the pain. But it was pleasure never the less. And once again it made him feel like wax being formed by those warm hands in his cunt, slowly being turned into something even more beautiful than before.

Darn. For someone who was not interested in women, Fhedré did most certainly know how to finger him. Or maybe it was just, that he was careful and attentive, noticing those little twitches, and even the softest moans on Tav’s lips.

“I want you to tell me, when you climax,” he whispered, making Tav just nod.

He kept those little moans on his lips, wanting to nestle up even more against the other man, whose fingers seemed so good in finding those little sensitive spots on the inside. It made Tav want to grind his hip against the other man’s hand. Because once more it was good. And in the end it did not take too long for the ecstasy to start bringing down any walls.

“Fhe. Fhe…” He was panting now. “I’m… I’m cumming.” He groaned, pushing himself more against the other man. “Cumming…”

Fhedré continued for just a few more seconds, properly allowing those feelings to spread, before carefully pulling out his fingers. “I love the way you look after you climaxed,” he whispered.

Tav wanted to answer something, but when he tried, his voice would not let him. So instead he just nestled just up, being held by Fhedré once more.

“You are sweet…”

“Uhum,” Tav made, his breath still heavy. “Is… Is that how all days are going to start with you?”

“Depends,” Fhedré replied. “Do you want the days to start like this?”

Tav could not help but chuckle just a bit. A giddy chuckle. “I… I don’t think I would mind that one bit.” He gave a deep, but happy sigh. “Oh, I don’t mind this at all.” His cunt was still twitching a little with those tiny aftershocks.

“You are most certainly one horny bard, aren’t you?” Fhedré kissed his cheeks again.

“I told you I am, right?”

“You did, Tav. Oh, you did.” One more kiss for his lips. “Shall we get up now?”

“Yeah,” Tav said with a sigh. “Sure.” Even though he would have liked to lie in bed for at least another half hour, he sat up.

“Should I heal your bruises now?”

Tav smirked. “Actually, I… I was thinking of keeping them for today. In fact, I was wondering, whether you’d like to bruise my shoulders, too.”

Once again he noticed, that despite everything those words could make even Fhedré blush. “Why?”

“Because I am yours,” Tav whispered. “And I thought… They might as well know that.”

 

***

 

And still, once they had had breakfast, Tav was walking along the spiral corridors of the temple, hoping to find Kantei. He had learned that originally she had been housed with the other recruits – but when he looked in that room in which he, too, had slept for the first few nights, he did not find her.

He just wanted to talk to her again. Where had she gone? She had not left, had she? No. No. She… She would not have left him here, would she? Not like this.

Why was it all so fucking complicated?

At times he just wished, that he had not gone through all of that bullshit that had dominated his childhood. He wished, he could just be a normal average guy. Someone, maybe, who had just been born into the circus and then left. Or that kid, who had lived with their parents back at that village and in a different story might not have been kidnapped by those goblins.

Just someone, who was less messed up in their head. And who could be there for someone like Kantei, who needed someone to take care of her. He wanted to be the person that Kantei needed – but he knew that he couldn’t be.

That made this so hard. Because… Something was telling him, that he could be who Fhedré needed and wanted. And maybe it was what he himself needed as well. He needed Fhedré. Being with Fhedré made him feel… Just a bit better about himself.

And still… He could just not accept that the entire story with Kantei should end like this.

He had not even yet a word for what Fhedré was to him – but Kantei was his girlfriend. She was his partner. They had been out on the road together for two years, adventuring. They had saved each other’s lives several times.

If only they had never settled in Baldur’s Gate. Then things would be easier for him. Because those stupid nightmares and everything had never been that bad out on the road. When he knew what he was doing. When he had a purpose.

He just needed a purpose.

He knew better than to shout for her, of course. He just walked those corridors in long strides, hoping to see her sit in some corner, pouting. He didn’t. Because it seemed… it was almost as if she was totally gone.

But she could not have.

She simply could not have.

He stopped after a while, thinking. If he was Kantei, where would he go?

The garden, maybe? Or maybe… Could she just have left the temple and have gone outside? Where was outside right now?

He was still not even sure whether they might be in the Underdark or something. Hells, he had somehow still failed to ask, how in the name of all the gods Kantei had even ended up here, during that ritual. She should not have been there. Her being there did not made a bit of sense. And yet… She was here. Or had been, at the very least.

He went up to the garden, finding it once again a lot brighter than the rest of the temple. The light here almost felt like sunlight.

He looked around in the big, green area, hoping to find his girlfriend on one of the benches. But no such luck.

There was, however, a person here that he knew.

He froze, recognizing Truescar Githan. She was sitting between some of the flowers kept here seemingly just for aesthetic purposes. She had her eyes closed, relaxing by the look of it. And Tav’s first reaction was to simply go somewhere else.

He did not know why this was his first reaction. The thing with William was not really her fault, right? It was just… It was not not her fault either, was it?

Because Tav was maybe dumb, but he wasn’t stupid. He knew, that the entire thing had been a test for him of sorts. It had been a test. He was not sure, whether he had failed.

Now she opened her eyes, her eyebrows rising, as she recognized him. “Tav. Pain Bearer.”

His mouth was dry, but he caught himself. “Truescar.” He bowed.

“Please.” She gestured at him. “Sit with me for a bit, will you?”

“Of course.” There was nothing else to be said, right?

“You seem upset,” she noted. “Is everything alright.”

“I am… I am alright,” he answered. “I am just… As you might know, my partner, Kantei has come here. I cannot find her. I… I am not entirely sure whether she has left.”

“Why would she leave?”

“Because I am afraid, that she might have the same kind of prejudice against Loviatar as… as I had in the beginning as well.”

The scarred woman smiled at this. “You have adjusted your believes about our Goddess by now?”

“Yes,” he replied. “Because… Because I think, there is in fact quite a lot of good to be found in pain. And that there is done some good in Her name.”

The smile widened. “It is good that you think so.” She looked at him. For the first time he actually realized how unusual the color of her eyes was. They were yellow. A light yellow, almost pale. Unusual, though… Well, he had seen quite a few strangely colored eyes in his life. “Listen, I heard what happened in the Dungeon. And I am sorry, I asked you for it. Had I known that he would go this far…”

Tav evaded the gaze of her eyes. “I… I don’t know whether it was my fault. Whether something I did has set him off,” he said. “But if not… I… I am glad it was me. Because I… At the very least I could take it, right?”

“You could,” she said. “Because you are special in the end. Just look at you. Just three days after that, and you are up and about.” She paused, her eyes gliding over his body. “You are strong.”

Because he had never had a chance to be anything, but…

Yet, he guessed he would take the compliment. “Thank you.”

Her smile was a soft smile as well, but it did not quite reach her eyes. There was something in those yellow eyes, that he was not quite able to read. “I assume those bruises have been left there by dear Fhedré?”

“They have,” he replied.

“The man seems to have taken quite the liking to you, doesn’t he?”

“Yes.” Tav kept it at that.

“Well, we can only thank him. Given he was the one who found you.” She shook her head with a sad sigh. “It would be hard to imagine what might have happened to you otherwise.”

He would not almost have died three days ago.

Though then again… He might have found another way to nearly die. He was good at coming pretty close to death – it just seemed that whenever death was close, something would happen to safe him in the last minute. It had happened during his adventures as well.

“Can I ask you,” Truescar Githan said. “Even after what happened at the Dungeon. Do you still want to stay? Join us?”

Tav sighed. “Yes. I… This place feels like the place I am supposed to be. So, yes. I will stay.”

“That is good,” she replied.

“Where else would I go? You said, I am a Pain Bearer, right? I am… Loviatar’s chosen. So… Where else should I go?”

“You could still leave,” she said. “Though you are right. At least at the moment the world out there is dangerous. Because… There will be a lot of people hunting someone like you. Bane and his chosen for one. But of course those supposed ‘good gods’ and their ilk as well. Here… We will all do our best to keep you safe. Even though we might still fail.”

Tav did no longer look at her. Because he still could not help but thing: If Fhedré had not been there. If he had not learnt what had happened just when he had learnt it… “Yeah.” He paused. “What… What is that entire thing with Bane? I… I still don’t get it.”

“Hundreds of years ago, Bane had turned Loviatar into his consort,” the Truescar replied. “And for hundreds of years he tried to dominate her. But our Lady of Pain shall not be dominated. She broke from her chains, finding solace in Shar’s Shadowfell.”

Tav nodded. While he knew who Bane and Shar were, he indeed lacked a lot of detailed knowledge for a bard. In the end people liked drinking songs a whole lot more than those long hymns about religion, right?

“So ever since Ao has started to rewrite the fates, Bane is trying to capture some of our Lady’s chosen. And we would not want you to fall into the hands of some Banite.”

“No. I… I would prefer for that to not happen,” Tav muttered.

“The same goes for us,” the Truescar said, before shooting him another smile. “Well, I will contact you soon. We should get you initiated not too long from now. Because once you are an initiate, you will be better able to protect yourself.”

Tav slowly nodded. “Alright. Thank you.”

“No, Pain Bearer. Thank you.” She got up. “I will see you very soon.”

Chapter 31: Unbreakable

Summary:

Tav gets surprised by Amira, who makes a proposition to him.

Notes:

This is another fairly kinky chapter, with some beath control and of course a lot of pain play ;)

“Well, you look miserable.” The voice made him look up.

Tav was still sitting in the underground garden, because he did not know where else to go right now. Fhedré was busy and just at the moment he was not really feeling like finding someone to properly train him.

The voice, however, belonged to Amira. She was still wearing her initiate clothes, leaving her breasts barely covered up. Having seen him now, she came over to him, sitting down on the bench next to him. “Such a pretty face should not make such a miserable expression,” she teased him.

“Very funny,” he grumbled.

“Oh, come on. I mean it.” She sighed. “Haven’t seen you in a couple of days.”

“Yes.” He was not quite sure how to react. The last time he had seen her, was just as Fhedré had sent her away. “I have been sleeping in Fhedré’s room for the most part.”

“Oh, that old man has really taken to you, hasn’t he?”

“Yes. I… I assume he has.” Though this was most certainly a mutual feeling. Tav had taken to the man as well.

“I have heard, though, that you had a really unpleasant thing happen to you in that Dungeon,” Amira noted, leaning back on that bench and eying him. There was a certain spark in her eyes, he had not seen there before.

He evaded her gaze. “Yeah.”

“Tell me.”

Tav paused. He was frankly not sure whether he wanted to tell her and yet… “There was this patron of the temple. He was just a sick bastard. He… The guy put a noose around my neck, before torturing my cunt until I no longer could keep standing. And I almost hung.”

“He tried to break you, didn’t he?”

A shiver ran over Tav’s back. “He… He did, yes.”

“But he did not manage, did he?”

Tav did not reply to that question, rather focusing on his hands, until Amira touched him.

She put her hand onto his cheek, almost forcing him to look at her. “He did not break you, did he?”

“I don’t know,” Tav whispered.

Gold. Had Amira always had golden eyes?

“Just look at you right now,” she said. “You are not broken.” Her face was close enough, that he could feel her breath against his skin. “Tav… I want to continue, what we started back then. Before Fhedré so rudely stopped us.”

Tav frowned. This… Something was wrong, wasn’t it? Yes, something was off. He just did not know what exactly it was. But something was wrong. “I don’t know.”

She was still cupping his face, her lips almost touching his. “Come on, Tav. Come on. You wanted to find out what it feels like, didn’t you?”

“I did.” Those words simply escaped him, more honest than he intended. “But that was then, and this is…”

“You still want to know, what it is like. To be fully dominated.” Now she pressed her lips against his, just as he tried to pull away. She did not let him, letting the kiss turn long and breathless, as he just tried to maintain some control.

This was not quite the woman he had met upon getting here. This was… Who was this?

Yet, there was something about her kiss. She kissed him in a way that was there to make him hers. And while her lips embraced his, he found, there was nothing that he wanted to be more. Hers. Broken down to shambles.

“Yes,” he whispered. “Yes…”

She smiled. “I thought so.”

 

***

 

“You sure are getting into the spirit of things, aren’t you?” Amira asked, watching Tav’s naked body. “Was that Fhedré’s doing?”

Tav looked down on himself, on those bruises covering his body. “Yes. I… I wanted him to do it.”

“And it is beautiful.” She ran her hand over his chest, unable to resist by the look of it. She grabbed his bruised and still lightly swollen nipples, pinching them, until he flinched. “You are bruised down there, too, aren’t you?” She looked down to his crotch.

“I am…” He knew that this was a bad idea. It was just the two of them in this chamber – and she clearly seemed to be intent on starting off where they had left off the last time around. But even though he knew how bad this idea was, his body was already willing.

The last time around it had been an instinct to submit to her – and it seemed that this instinct was there once more. Even though there was no Fhedré here now to safe him if he needed it.

“On your knees,” she whispered.

He looked at her, as his knees almost automatically gave in underneath him. He knelt down, looking up at her and her golden eyes.

“Rub yourself for me.” Something told him, that this was not Amira. That this was… someone else. Or something else.

“Why?” he asked.

“Because we will need to get you into the best mindset for this,” she said. “Come on now. You want to experience this.”

“I do.” Why was he saying this? Why were his fingers making their way down to his bruised crotch either way to start rubbing himself? He just did, what she told him. He rubbed himself.

He did not even be told to look at her while he did. Oh, he knew how his cheeks were glowing red already. Yet, he could also feel that tingle on his inside. The tingle in his crotch, as he spread his folds apart, rubbing his clit. He moaned, while his gaze was still being held by those golden eyes. He moaned again, not daring to close his eyes. The arousal was building quicker, given that he was just a bit painful down there. It was building as well, because of the way she looked at him. So hungry. As if she was just waiting to devour him.

It seemed she knew quite well, when he reached his climax. Her expression turned into a smile. “What do you say, pretty boy?”

He did not think. “Thank you for allowing me to cum.”

“See? You are already such a good boy,” she whispered. “Now piss for me.”

He frowned. “What?”

“You heard me.”

“I don’t… I am not really… I am not into that,” he muttered, still unable to evade her gaze.

“One reason more to do it,” she said.

“No…”

“Tav, you sweet thing… Either you piss for me now, or I will make you, once you hang upside down.” Again she cupped his face.

He was trembling, considering his options. This, too, was not the first time someone asked this of him.

So, really… Maybe it did not make a lot of difference. He still could not help a whimper, though, as he allowed his bladder to relax, hearing and feeling his urine splatter to the ground.

She smiled. “See, you are a good one.”

Somehow, he really wanted to lower his gaze. But still he was not capable of being it. It was as if some sort of spell was keeping his gaze up.

“Maybe at some point I am going to take you,” she muttered. “Though for now knowing you here might be enough.” It was her, who broke their gaze, getting a rope. “Keep your arms behind your back, I am going to tie you up now.”

He did, what he was told. What else was he going to do? Allowing her to tie his arms in a way, that left no rope around his chest, giving her access to the chest in full.

Then she produced a spreader bar – he had no idea where from. His legs were tied up, spread out so far, that it was already just a bit painful.

“Look at you.” She stood over him, while he was now lying on the ground. Helpless. “The truth is, that you really want this, right?”

“I don’t really know,” he muttered.

“It is what you have wanted your whole life.” She tethered the rope to the spreader bar, before starting to pull him up. She was slow with it, and yet, inch by inch, his legs were pulled upwards. First his torso was still lying on the ground, but then it was lifted up as well. In the end he was just dangling there, like a fish from the fishing line.

“Who are you?” he whispered.

She did not answer, but her smile told him, that he should know. “You wanted your entire time that someone just properly broke you down. Because in that case, anything that happened, would not have been your fault, right?”

“What?”

Frankly, he did not know, where she had even gotten the large bucket from, into which she now dunked his head. He should have known, that it was what to expect, yet, he did not manage to hold his breath before.

Instinctively, he tried to get his head above the water, but then her hand was there, keeping his head down.

His body started twitching and writhing, as his lungs were screaming for air. He had to breathe. He had to breathe, yet she was keeping him down. He had to breathe, and soon he would no longer be able to fight the instinct to do so.

He wanted to beg, but even for that he would’ve needed to breathe.

Already he was gasping, somehow trying to not breathe in too much water. Then she suddenly pulled him up over the water again, as he was coughing, the water in his airways.

She knelt down on front of him, caressing his cheeks. “Had you properly broken, you would’ve stopped caring, wouldn’t you? Then it would have been easier. So much easier.”

“What are you even talking about?” he whispered, still coughing.

“That woman was really quite weak, wasn’t she?” Amira said. “I mean, she took in kids, right? Kids are not fully fledged persons. They are so easy to break down. But she even failed with that, didn’t she? And she knew it, didn’t she? That was why she was so angry at you, when you wouldn’t cry. Because she knew then that she could not break you.”

Tav gasped, when the rope gave room again, making his head splash back into the water. She had not even gotten up to move the rope. What…?

Again his body was writhing, once more not prepared to go without air. He could feel that panic starting to take him over, as he tried to move his head, tried to get to breathe. He couldn’t though. And she seemed in no hurry to let him to.

In the end, though, she pulled him up once more.

“She didn’t break you,” she said, as she stood up properly once more. “Though you cannot help but wonder, whether it is because of her, right?” Her hand found his crotch, running along the folds, before three of her fingers pushed into him, making him groan. “Look at you, Tav. I nearly drowned you, and you are dripping.”

A whimper came over his lips, as she continued to finger him. It did not take a lot, to be frank. No, it take a lot for him to climax, as tears started dripping from his eyes into the bucket underneath.

He groaned, as she gripped his clit, pinching and pulling it. He could just not help but move his hips in this situation.

“Tell me something, Tav.” She pinched that clit extra hard. “Are you afraid right now?”

“Of course I am,” he whispered.

She rubbed him some more. “You are not. That is what happened with you.” She went over to the table – and he knew what she would get. Because she had already done it once. There was nothing at all he could do to stop her. He just readied himself for the pain, before she pushed the first of the needles into his clit. “See,” she continued speaking, “what really happens when you break someone, is not that they cannot handle the pain, but they cannot handle the fear.” She pushed in the next needle, while he was squirming. “The fear of what you might do to them next.” Another needle – and it seemed she was enjoying it as those needles pushed into him as he groaned. “And that’s where that woman went wrong. Because she killed that inside of you. That fear. She got you to stop caring.” She pushed in the next needle, as more tears dripped down from his eyes and his nose.

She seemed to be fascinated, as she ran her finger over the ends of the needles, pushing them in even deeper. “You know, there are some, who might think that your pain, as it is mixing with pleasure, becomes unpure. But the truth is, that it is a lot purer than the pain of so many others, because it is not mixed with fear.” Now she got another needle, pushing it in so easily. “It is quite a thing of beauty.”

He was whimpering now, making her sigh.

“Don’t be like this,” she said, getting out the next needle. “You know that I am right.” She pushed it in once more. “I have never quite considered this before, I am honest. But yes, your pain and pleasure are both so very pure. It is delicious.” Another needle followed, as his body decided to confirm her words, letting Tav shiver in pleasure now.

A gasp came over his lips.

“There you go,” she said. “You can be honest with me. We can both enjoy this.” Again her fingers dipped into him, teasing him, his insides now so very sensitive from the pain. It took no effort from her at all, to make him groan and squirm.

Then she went to crouch in front of him again, looking him in the eyes. “Oh, look at you. Hot, bothered and in so much pain.” She pressed another short kiss onto hips lips. “See, the truth is, that I can most certainly think of ways to actually break you. But wouldn’t that be a waste? You are such a thing of beauty.”

He whimpered, trying to understand what was happening right now. “What do you want to do to me now?”

“The thing, that you want as well,” she said. “I want to see how far we can take this pain – and how much pleasure we can generate through it. You can be honest with me, you sweet boy. You want to find it out as well, don’t you?”

He tried to slow his breathing, to calm down just a bit. “I…”

Another kiss against his lips. “Be honest. Nobody will know.”

Honest. He was not sure. And yet… As he looked into those golden eyes, he could not help but tremble with excitement. “Yes.”

 

***

 

“Tav?” A voice woke him from his slumber.

Tav squinted, trying to orient himself. He was lying on cold marble. On an altar, he realized. In one of those rooms of worship. Only that he had not the slightest idea how he had gotten here.

He frowned, as he tried to remember, what had happened to him. Still, it took him a while to remember Amira at the garden. And how she… She had told him, she wanted to break him. Only that he was fairly certain, that she had not managed.

“How did you get here?” Fhedré asked, gently caressing his cheek.

“I am not entirely certain,” Tav replied. “I… I met Amira at the garden. And…”

“You let her try and break you again?” Fhedré asked.

“I think I did,” Tav replied. He looked down at his body, as he was lying on the altar, completely naked. He was in a good state, though. His body unharmed – or rather healed up again. Even though it also meant that the bruises left on his body by Fhedré were gone, too. And Tav… Tav noticed that this made him feel rather disappointed.

“Who healed you?” Fhedré asked. “I mean, Amira is not initiated, she does not…”

“I don’t really remember.” Tav took Fhedré’s hand, and somehow he managed to gesture to the man that he just needed to be hugged. At least that was something Fhedré understood. He pulled him into a tight hug.

“How do you mean, you don’t remember?”

“I just… I remember I went with her, but afterwards I don’t quite remember what happened,” Tav said. “But… I feel so good right now. I feel really good.”

“In a sexual way?”

Tav chuckled. “Actually, no. I just feel… incredible free right now.” He pushed Fhedré away for just a bit to lean his own forehead against that of the other man. “I kinda hate that the bruises are healed, though. I… It felt good to wear them.”

The smile on Fhedré’s lips was rather wide now, as he ran his fingers through Tav’s hair once more. “I can bruise you up again.”

“I know,” Tav muttered. “But… You know, the truth is…” He was realizing this only now, but as he looked into those grey eyes, he just knew it had to be the truth: “I want you to scar me.”

Chapter 32: Beauty in His Scars

Summary:

Tav begs Fhedré to scar him.

Notes:

The sex in this chapter is fairly vanilla - but there is outside of the sex some scarification happening.

Fhedré looked at him. It seemed like he wanted to say something, but in the end he simply kissed Tav again. “I will scar you during the initiation. I promised.”

Tav wanted this kiss. He wanted to get lost in it, kissing the man again so very hungrily. “No. I mean… I want scars by you. Scars that are just… scars that are ours.” He felt feverish right now, and yet he could not stop kissing the other man. “Please… I… I want you to scar me.”

It was so clear that Fhedré’s own face – even his ears – were blushing now. He looked at Tav with a gaze, that spoke more than a thousand words ever could. “Why so suddenly?”

“Because the bruises…” Tav spoke with his lips just half an inch away from Fhedré’s. “Bruises will always heal. And those scars… They are going to remain. Please. Please, Fhe.”

“Look at me.” Fhedré pushed him away to be able to see Tav’s entire face. “Are you sure?”

Tav could feel his own face burn. But right now, nothing but the thing he was asking for right now felt righter. He nodded. “Yes. Fhedré. Fhe. I want you to scar me.”

At this Fhedré smiled. Such as soft and – Tav was not kidding himself – loving smile. “Let’s get you to our room. Where are your clothes?”

Tav looked around, because this, too, he did not quite remember. “I am not sure.”

This got a laugh out of Fhedré. “Oh, you are something.” He leaned forward to kiss Tav’s forehead.

Tav shrugged. “I am just gonna go naked, I guess.”

“I guess you will.” Fhedré offered him his hand to help Tav off the altar.

It was so strange. Tav did not know what had happened with Amira, but he could not help but think, that it had been something good. Because he felt good right now. He felt lighter than he had felt in a while – even here. Something he could not quite explain.

He was smiling, as Fhedré lead him down the corridor – and it was kinda funny. Because some people still looked at him and his nude body. But that was the beauty about this place. But most of them were not even looking at him in a sexual way. There was a deeper appreciation in those looks he earned, and he just like this. He liked to be seen that way.

When they were in the room, he could not help but wrap his arms around Fhedré once more, kissing him.

“You are quite the strange man,” Fhedré muttered. “You are incredible, and yet I cannot claim that I can make sense of you?”

Due to the Loviatan getup, Tav could feel the skin of the other man’s chest against his own – and it was a feeling he liked. “How do you mean?”

Fhedré pulled close the door. “I mean, just… To know where you are from, and what you have been through… And you still willingly show of your body like this.”

“Yes,” Tav replied. “Because… I like the way people look at me. I like… I like to know they fantasize about me, just as long as they do not do anything to me without asking first.”

“That, too. You still enjoy sex, even though nobody would really be surprised if you hated it ever the things you went through.”

“Yeah,” Tav said. “Because… I mean, it feels good still, right? And…” For just a moment he evaded the other man’s gaze, only to meet it again. “If I hated it now, it would be something they had taken from me. Something in which they… In which they had beaten me.” He shook his head. “I mean, I know it is hard to understand, but…”

“It’s alright, Tav,” Fhedré said. “It is just… incredible. Also the things you let me – and others – do to you.” He chuckled, caressing Tav’s cheek. “I mean, I could probably give you a really good whipping and then put you up in a stockade for everyone to use, and you…”

“I would enjoy that.”

Fhedré laughed, kissing him again. “I know. That is what is so incredible.” He was careful, as he pushed Tav towards the bed, kissing him again. Just as they were standing at the edge of the bed, he took a deep breath, looking at Tav again. “Do you really mean it?”

Tav understood, and nodded. It was funny. Ever since he had learned about the scarification rituals, he had been excited about it – but just now it had become a new simple need of his. Something he slowly started to realize. “I want you to scar me. I want you to leave your scars on me. A sign… A sign that I am yours.”

“Goddess…” Fhedré kissed him again, though this time his kiss was short and sweet. “You should have no right to be this sweet.”

“I am sorry,” Tav replied. “I guess, I simply am.” He could see in Fhedré’s gaze that the man was thinking, as he looked at him. Then he took a deep breath.

“Do you know how it works?”

Tav paused. “You mean the scarification?”

Fhedré nodded, his hands on Tav’s shoulders right now.

“I assume that you make cuts deep enough to leave scars and leave them unhealed for a while, so that by the time the healing is done, the tissue will scar up.” He had seen it with the scars he had. It had taken a couple of days for the burn wounds on his face and hand to be healed magically, and by the time they had, they had left scars. The same was true of course with the scars underneath his chest. If he had been magically healed after the surgery, there was a good chance his body would have generated the fucking tits, so he had to heal those wounds out the slow and painful way.

“That is correct. Often it is enough to leave them simply for a full day. But you will have to walk around with open wounds for that long.”

If he was honest, Tav liked the idea to do just that. To carry wounds he had gotten from Fhedré, from someone he trusted. Yes. He wanted that. He liked that. “Alright.”

Fhedré smiled. “And we might have to hide them. Because I feel that some of the higher ranked priests would hate it, if I already scarred you before your initiation.”

“That would be fine with me.”

“You really want to do this now?” Fhedré asked, and Tav just nodded.

“Yes. I… I cannot really explain it to you. But it feels like… I need that right now.” Tav allowed himself to sit down at the edge of the bed. “You know, since I got here… I have started to do more often the things that simply come to me. And… Maybe it is what I should have done all along. Because… I do feel better now.” He looked up at Fhedré.

“I know.” Fhedré sat down as well, once more caressing Tav’s cheek. “And I like your honest self.”

“So you will do it?”

“I will do it, you sweet thing.” Fhedré smirked, considering something. “But first I want you to do something for me.”

“Anything.”

Fhedré laid down on the bed, opening his trousers to free his cock. Maybe it should not surprise Tav, that the man was already hard again. “Ride me.”

Tav grinned. “I can do that.” He crawled over to the man, swinging a leg over him – but Fhedré held onto his hips. “With the other hole.”

Tav could not help it. He gave another little chuckle. “Oh, I can do that, too.” He reached for that massage oil still on the night stand, dripping some of it onto Fhedré’s cock. Then he gave a rather self-indulgent smirk, as he put his hips into the right position, using his hands to guide the cock into his ass.

“Goddess… You feel still…” Fhedré whispered.

“Amazing? Incredible?” Tav challenged.

“Yes. Both.” Fhedré took him by the hips again, controlling the rhythm just a bit – and he seemed to understand quite well, that Tav enjoyed this. He enjoyed to be controlled, moving his hips just in the rhythm that was given to him.

This position was always a little bit awkward, but it worked fine. With his experience he could make it work really well. He moved his hip slowly first, feeling his own arousal rise. He knew quite well, that he was smearing his own juices onto Fhedré as he did. But this was still a good feeling. Different from all the games they played, and yet another game all in itself.

Fhedré’s fingers were gliding over Tav’s chest now, caressing the scars there, before grabbing his nipples, pinching them once more. When Tav gave a little moan, Fhedré smiled. “You always love a bit of pain, don’t you?”

“Always,” Tav replied, moaning again as Fhedré pinched his nipples again. “I love your cock, too.”

“And you will have a lot of that in the future,” Fhedré promised, before himself being able to hold back another deep moan. “Tav… Tav…”

The beauty of this, too, was, that Tav did not need to think. These were things his body could do all on its own. And because he did not need to think the feeling was even stronger, was even purer. And that was something… Something that was right.

Fhedré silently commanded him to go quicker, and Tav did, moving his hip accordingly and feeling the cock move one or two inches in and out of his ass each time. It was stretching him a bit, and that alone made it feel already so good.

He focused on Fhedré’s body, but also on his own arousal. When Fhedré started to rub his clit, he gave a little yelp, that sounded almost like a dog. But it was a good addition. The feeling that was, not the sound he made. But maybe even the sounds to.

They were both moaning, were both groaning. They were letting their bodies take over the control. And this alone was glorious. It was more primal than anything else, and maybe because of that… Why was “pure” the word always appearing in Tav’s mind? A pure pleasure. A pure pain.

His whimpers were so very desperate, by the time the ecstasy took him over. By the time the pleasure became too overwhelming. He was arching his back again, was loud and not at all held back. Because with Fhedré he did not need to hold back. With Fhedré he could simply…

He could feel the other man fill him up – and that feeling, too, was a good one.

“You are quite something,” Fhedré whispered once more, as Tav moved off him. “And I will scar you. How could I say no to you?”

Tav smiled. “I know you couldn’t.”

“Never…”

 

---

 

Fhedré was away for a good twenty minutes, leaving Tav with some hot water in the room.

“I know where I am going to scar you,” he had said – and somehow Tav had known quite well, what he meant, preparing himself.

Even though Amira – or whoever had healed him after that session – had washed him quite well, he was washing himself again. Thoroughly. Only to then go and lie down on the bed, his legs spread apart to fully dry down there.

When Fhedré did return, he was carrying just a few small items, that Tav only got to identify as he put them down.

One was a rather compact coal bucket, then an equally small iron, as well as two needles – both about one and a half inches long and quite wide.

“You understand, don’t you?” he asked, looking at Tav splayed out like that.

Tav nodded. “You are going to scar my cunt.”

“Yes. This way it is hidden. Not everyone will know.” Fhedré took Tav’s hand to kiss it. “But we will.”

Tav felt himself blushing and could not help that other silly grin. He kept his legs spread willingly, waiting for Fhedré to prepare.

“Do you want me to tell what I plan, or…”

“No,” Tav said. “Surprise me.”

“I will.” Fhedré started to prepare those coal basket first, letting them heat up with a spell, just as he got the needles ready. “Those scars will be small. But they will be my scars. On you.”

“And I will know,” Tav whispered.

“So will I.” Fhedré smiled. He heated those two needles up, undoubtedly to cauterize them. “Come a bit further down.”

Tav listened. He moved himself further down the bed, so that while Fhedré was kneeling at the end of it, he was close now.

Fhedré took a cloth to once more dry Tav off down there, making sure to clean him, before he put the cloth underneath Tav’s ass. “I will start now.”

“Alright.” Tav took a deep breath, feeling how Fhedré took the right outer fold first. He gasped just a bit, as that wide needle was suddenly punched through it, but a gasp was all the sound he made, even as Fhedré pushed the needle further through it.

His gaze was on the ceiling – on the stone ceiling – as the needle went next through the inner fold. The right one first, then the left one. Punched into one side, then out the other.

A shiver ran through his body, though for once it was not even arousal. It was more of a feeling of familiarity. Of trust. Because this was about trust. He trusted Fhedré. And he wanted to know himself tied to the other man. He wanted to know that there was this one person looking out and protecting him – no matter what happened.

Finally the needle was pushed through the left outer labia, before Fhedré let go of it.

By now, Tav knew what would follow. The next needle.

And he was right. Fhedré took the other needle, doing very much the same, just a bit further down. He pushed it through the outer fold, the inner folds, then the other outer fold.

Given the needle was quite wide it hurt – and Tav was fairly sure it also bled. But the feeling it produced in him was one of trust and closeness.

Fhedré was gentle, as he caressed Tav’s inner thigh. “You are being so brave.”

Tav smiled. “I… I like this.”

“You do?”

“Yes,” Tav whispered. “Because it is you.”

Fhedré smiled. Tav didn’t see it, but he could feel it, as the man pressed a kiss against Tav’s thigh. “I am not quite done. I will leave a little branding, too. Because… When they scar up, they tend to be beautiful.”

“Alright.” Tav closed his eyes again, not even making a sound as the hot metal made contact with the sides of his cunt a moment later. He could tell that Fhedré was doing a simple pattern on that sensitive skin between his cunt and the anus. And the pain was the sweetest feeling he might have ever experienced.

It did not even take long – and no matter how much he hurt… He loved this pain right now. On a very different level than he would normally do. He loved this, as a soft and warm feeling. One that he felt safe with. One that he just wanted to keep close.

“Almost done,” Fhedré said. He got some twine, wrapping it around both ends of both needles now, to keep the skin from slipping of. It put just a bit more tension on the tissue, but this was nothing Tav could not deal with. “Are you sure you will manage this until tomorrow in the evening?”

Tav smiled at him. “Of course.” He reached out for Fhedré’s hand. “I will enjoy it.”

Fhedré kissed the insides of the thighs once more. Soft and gentle kisses. “You look beautiful right now.”

“I know,” Tav whispered. He sat up, even though it made the hurt just a bit more noticeable. Still, this way he could look, could see the bloody twine at least, and those two needles in the swollen folds.

He blushed.

Beautiful. That was the only thing he could think of.

Yes, this was very beautiful indeed.

Chapter 33: Her Marks

Summary:

Truescar Githan makes plans for Tav's initiation, while Fhedré cannot help but think she is up to no good.

Notes:

This chapter and the next are actually fairly T-Rated. No sex here. xD

“I don’t think there is any need to further delay your initiation,” Truescar Githan said, looking from Tav to Fhedré and then back to Tav. “The sooner you are initiated, the better we can protect you.”

“That’s alright,” Tav said. He was rather proud that he managed to stand there, not showing any sign of the pain from the strain still put on his folds. “I do want to be initiated.”

“Though I want to be the one to initiate him,” Fhedré added.

Githan looked from one to the other, a gentle smile on her lips. “Yes, I have already thought that much. And I guess the goddess will it allow to you. You were the one to find him after all.” Now she pinned down Fhedré with her gaze. “And I can see that you have taking a liking to him, haven’t you?”

At the very least, Fhedré did not even attempt to lie. He just smiled. “I have. I swear to Loviatar, I will do anything to protect him.”

“That is good,” the Truescar said. “He might need a protector.” She smiled at Tav. “We will see, once you are initiated, how your abilities will develop. The oath will probably allow you to get easier access to the powers you undoubtedly already possess. But it is hard to predict. The other Pain Bearers that have been Her chosen often develop regenerative powers, some abilities to heal. Some also develop the ability to withstand poison and decay.” She came over to him now, her index finger raised to trace the scar over his right cheek. “We will see which of that you are.”

The truth was of course, that Tav did not care about any of this. He never had had any real powers – and he did not really need them, either. Sure, he knew a couple of spells, mostly cantrips, and he somewhat was able to hold his own in a fight, but for the most part he had done his best to keep away from fights. He was better at talking to people, at convincing them in other ways. And be it with his sexual skills, which had more than once gotten him to his goals.

He did not want to become an initiate because of any powers he might gain, but because he knew it would allow him to stay here. And he wanted to stay. He wanted nothing more but to know that for once he just had a home. A place to belong.

“I have had another thought though,” the Truescar said, as Tav remained silent.

“Yes?” he asked carefully.

“The scarring on initiation is normally done within the frame of a small ritual to bless or to protect,” she explained. “But we know that your capabilities are far beyond just a small ritual. We could turn your initiation into something powerful.”

“Something powerful?” He was not sure he understood.

“When we did that draconic ritual, we used it to enchant a weapon,” she explained. “And during that ritual you did not faint, did you?”

“Well, I fainted shortly after it,” he said. “When Fhedré was healing me.”

“Yet, during the ritual you endured. Because it is what you have been gifted with.” She pulled her fingers back. “We could do an even bigger enchantment. Or something even more powerful.”

Now Tav looked at Fhedré, hoping he would explain, but instead Fhedré frowned.

“What are you talking about?”

“There are some magics more powerful than what you have seen so far,” Truescar Githan said. “And I think Tav’s body could be used to conduct them.”

Tav could see quite well, that Fhedré did not really like what he was hearing. “Would it be dangerous?”

“That depends. For someone else? Depending on the ritual chosen, it might kill them. But he? I have no doubt that he would survive it. Because it is the blessing the goddess has given him.” Then she smiled. “And it might leave him with some beautiful scars, don’t you think?”

It did not pass Tav’s attention, that a short little shiver went down Fhedré’s body at those words, as he tried to suppress the blush on his face. “Of course,” he said softly. “I… I just swore that I would protect him. I swore it to him and the Goddess herself. And I do not plan to break this oath.”

The Truescar kept her smile easy. “I understand, Fhedré. You will make for a fine protector.” Then she took a deep breath. “Allow me another day or two to talk about it with the Goddess.”

“Of course, Truescar,” Fhedré said, bowing ever so slightly.

Tav watched him, as the high priestess left the two of them alone on that chamber. And he could not shake a certain feeling: “You do not trust her.”

Fhedré pressed together his lips, as he took Tav’s hand. It seemed that just holding it in his hand seemed to calm him down just a little. “It is not that I do not trust her. She has been here, at this temple, for about as long as I have been, and she is a Pain Bearer, just like you. She is our protector in more ways than you yet realize.”

“But…?” Tav raised his eyebrows.

“The Dungeon,” Fhedré said. “The day after you almost died, I talked to her, and I simply could not shake the feeling that… That she had known, what would happen, all along. That it had been a test of you – only that I am not sure what this test was supposed to find out.”

Tav shivered. He was still feeling a lot better than he would have expected given that he nearly had died just a few days ago. In fact, the entire thing that had happened felt still so unreal. While he did remember most of it now, those memories still felt strangely filtered, as it they were just a leftover of some bad dream.

Yet, he also knew what Fhedré was talking about. “I think she simply wanted to test my loyalty,” he said. “And my loyalty to the temple, you know?”

“That might be.” Fhedré shook his head. “I just… I told you, normally there are measures in place to stop patrons from murdering those serving in Her name. Because it is most certainly not the first time something like this might happen. Some pay a large sum of money and think it is worth the life of a prostitute. That they get to…” He stopped, pursing his lips, before he just sighed. “It is not the first time for even William to try.”

“And you still let him back?”

Fhedré was silent, but forced himself to look at Tav. “You know how much he had paid for that?”

Tav lightly shook his head. “Does it make a difference?”

“A thousand gold pieces to torture you throughout the whole night,” Fhedré said. “Well, of course not ‘you’. Just… Someone.”

A thousand gold pieces, eh? That was what that asshole had thought a life was worth, maybe? “Will he be let back to the Dungeon?”

“Probably,” Fhedré said. “Because… It is a lot of money.”

Tav could feel his heart sink, as he imagined someone else having to go through that. Someone, who was maybe just not quite as good as he was in taking this kind of punishment – even if it had nearly killed him.

He sighed. “You know, back when I was a kid… I was at the brothel for about three years when I decided… When I decided to just become really good at sex.” He paused, looking first at the ground, but then back to Fhedré. “For once I thought it would be… It would be easier to handle, if the customers just liked me. But also… At that time I was not the youngest anymore, you know? And I thought… I thought if I was better than everyone else, I could protect them. I could just sleep with everyone and they… They would be safe.”

Fhedré stared at him, before just pulling him into another close embrace. “Tav.”

“And still, when I ran… I freed three others. Only three. But there had been seven more at the time. There had been eleven of us. And I… I did not get to save them, you know? I… I don’t know what happened to them. Maybe that day I burned that place down. I kinda wish that it is what happened. But I don’t know. And maybe they just remained there and I did not safe them, and then… Then the Misses probably just sold them off once again, to another place. And it is my fault.”

“It is not your fault, Tav,” Fhedré said, being so careful as he was holding him. “You were still a kid back then. How were you supposed to save them?”

“I don’t know, Fhe. I just know… It is unfair that I get to be out here, and they… They might be dead or worse!”

“You were a kid, Tav. And you did not run off alone, right? You freed three others. That is more than anyone could’ve asked from you. From a kid!”

“I… I only freed Jevka. The others mostly just followed us. And because we were lucky, they were lucky. It was nothing I did.”

“Tav.” Fhedré leaned down to press his forehead against Tav’s. “Look, there is a lot about you that I do not know yet. But I know this: You are still young, and yet in your life you have saved more people than most will in three times the lifespan. And you will readily do that again and again. Save people. I mean, at the medical ward… When you realized that kid was dying, you did not even hesitate to save her life, right?”

“She is a kid,” Tav whispered.

“You just do not see how much you are actually doing, do you?” Fhedré said.

“I am not doing a whole lot, am I?”

“You are.” Fhedré softly pressed a kiss against his forehead. “Look, during that ritual back then, I was fascinated, because I had never seen someone who was not initiated take so much pain. But that was heroic, too, right? Because you wanted to safe that woman and her tribe.”

Tav did not answer.

“And ever since I have gotten to know you… You are good. You are a better man than most I have met. And maybe…” His sigh was a deep and mellow one, as he once more looked over to the door. “I am mistrustful about Truescar Githan right now. But I also know that she is right about one thing: Once you are initiated, you will have probably easier access to the powers our Goddess has bestowed on you. And if in the end you choose to go out there either way to use them to safe people… I will still be on your side. I will be your protector, no matter how you choose to use these powers.”

Tav looked at him for a long moment, before daring to ask: “But you will still torture me?”

Fhedré smiled, kissing the scar on Tav’s cheek. “If that is what you want, I will do that, too. And if you want to go to Waterdeep, find that place and burn it down, should it still be standing, I will be at your side.”

Once more Tav hesitated. “What if… You said William will be back, right?”

“He probably will be, yes. And I am sorry for that,” Fhedré said.

“What if I… What if I want to be the one to serve him?”

Fhedré understood – it was clear from his expression. “So that nobody else has to?”

Tav nodded slowly.

“Then I will make sure, that next time, you will not be inches from death, once he is done with you.”

 

---

 

By the time afternoon – at least that was what Tav believed it to be – came around, Tav was once more sitting in the garden, enjoying the smells and the brightness.

Fhedré was busy for a bit, though today he had managed to take care of Tav’s “training” for himself. Frankly, though, it had not been much “training”, given they had kept the damage at some bruising. After all, they could not go as far to leave marks on Tav’s skin, given he had still a few hours to go before he could be healed. Let alone any deeper damage.

While he had been there, naked in front of the other man, Fhedré had looked at the crotch though with such a soft smile.

The pain was still very real. It was so real, that in comparison the bruises covering Tav’s torso did not feel that real at all. But Tav still could not help to enjoy it, just as he could not help but wonder what the scars would look like in the end.

He just liked the idea that these would be scars he had chosen for himself. And that they would show his connection to Fhedré.

It was so ridiculous how well it seemed Fhedré could understand him. But he did. He understood Tav in a way, that Tav had not felt understood before. Not by anyone, really. It was easier to tell Fhedré about those things, because he… Maybe just because he did not always feel the need to decide what was best for Tav. He allowed Tav to say it for himself, only making suggestions.

Other than Kantei…

And yet, Tav could not feel but be anxious too about the fact, that Kantei was not here again. He had not seen her for two days, and in his mind two different but equally horrible scenarios started to take form.

Either she really had had enough of him and had left for… Well, he guessed back for Baldur’s Gate.

Or someone had done something to her.

But they would not. Would they?

No. Nobody would do anything to her. Because she was not out to harm him, she simply was unable to understand what was going on with him. But nobody would harm her. No.

Well, he guessed he could not rule out that she had been thrown out of the temple for good and hence could not speak to him again. But if that had happened, Fhedré would know, and he would tell him. Yes, Fhedré would tell him.

Because Fhedré at the very least was not jealous of Kantei at all. Because he simply understood. He understood that love was not limited like this. Just as he maybe understood that Tav’s feelings for the both of them were different. Similar, but different.

Tav sighed. Maybe he should go look for Kantei once more. Just that he did not know where else to look for her. He already had looked everywhere.

He wondered, whether he should try and pray. After all, he guessed he would be a cleric sooner or later. Of Loviatar. And he was her chosen. So maybe she would tell him where Kantei was. If she cared enough about something like that.

Once upon a time he had prayed a lot, to many of the different gods. When he had just been a child of six or seven years at that place. He had prayed so much. For a good two years he had prayed almost every day to basically every god that he knew off – and some that he had made up. To be saved. To get out of that place. But no god had ever answered his prayers.

Of course not. In terms of the grand fate of the world, no matter how cruel it had been… The suffering of a handful of children did not play that much of a role, did it? One should think that one god or another might have saved them… But at no point in time there had ever been more than fifteen of them at once, so Tav guessed, that gods had to deal with other priorities or so.

Despite everything, of course, he had gotten out. He had survived. And so had Jevka and the other two. At least the four of them…

He did not really know how to go about praying. But if he was truly a chosen one, he guess he could start somewhere.

As a kid he had knelt down in front of that tiny window, looked at the heavens and prayed. And now? Well, there were no heavens to be seen here. But he should start by kneeling down. Maybe then…

“Tav!”

He turned around and stared. He had not even started praying, had he?

Yet, there she was. Kantei. Standing on the edge of the garden, her nose clearly bloodied and with a bruise on her forehead.

For a moment he was just standing there like a very surprised hornbill, then he ran over to her. “Kantei. Gods, what happened? What… You were gone for two days, and I was so worried. What… I will heal you.”

She looked at him with those dark eyes. Then she took a deep breath. “No, you will come with me now. I need to show you something.”

“What?”

“I need to show you something. They… They have lied to you.”

“What are you even talking about?” He put a hand onto her injured temple, but she moved away from him.

“Please, Tav. Just this once… trust me.”

Chapter 34: The Undermountain

Summary:

Kantei brings Tav outside of the temple, and reveals to him where the temple of Loviatar is located.

“Wait. Kantei, where are we going?” Tav asked, following her rather breathlessly.

She was keeping up a brisk pace – something that was especially hard to keep up with, given his crotch was under a lot of strain, as those needles were very much still in there, and those little branding marks were still healing.

She turned around to him in the middle of the corridor. “Should I heal your bruises?”

“No,” he said. “I do not need healing. Just… At least go slower.”

She looked at him, then she looked around as if she was expecting anyone to attack them at any moment. In the end, though, she sighed. “Sure. But we have to go now.”

“Where to then?”

“I… I have to show you.” Her expression was rather grave. “You would not believe me, if I told you.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

Slowly she shook her head, before giving him this pleading, almost tearful gaze. “Please Tav. Just… This one time you have to trust me, alright? Please.”

“I trust you, Tei. I just…” He did not know what was going on. Or where she had been. Or anything. He just knew that… Well, he wanted to know where they were going. “I trust you,” he still said once more, before following her once more, trying to ignore both the bruises of his torso – and the pain between his legs.

Still, he could not help but pause at the door she brought him too. It was not a big door, not an obvious exit. Though he knew that this place had several exits and such – he had been brought through one before meeting William, too. An exit that had led through another underground tunnel, though. And this one… Well, it might do the same.

“I am not supposed to leave, Tei,” he said slowly.

“Why?”

“Well, because I am a Pain Bearer. And I… I am safe at the temple. Some people might try and take me out there and…”

She groaned. “Tav. Until two tendays ago, you were so eager to leave Baldur’s Gate. Now you are not even going to leave this fucking temple?”

“Well, Fhedré said…”

“I don’t care!” she yelled. “You and I, we have been out there together, right? We have had those adventures! No Fhedré. Nobody else. I have saved your life how many times?”

He hesitated. “Six times?”

“I am rather sure it was nine times, you dumb idiot,” she said. “Come on. You will not die. I know where I am going.” She took his hand into her own. “Please, Tav. Please.”

He turned around, looking down the corridor which they had come, before staring at her once more. How could he say no to her? Not after everything they had been through together…

He sighed. “Alright. I am… I will come with you.”

“Good.” She pushed open the stone door, peeking outside for a moment, before gripping his hand once more and pulling him out – into another corridor.

The corridor outside was a lot rougher in texture. While within the temple all wall were quite clean and even, the corridor into which Tav was now pulled, definitely was more like a cave. There was also the scent of wet rock filling the air, as they had not at all walked for long. Each of their steps was echoing in the dark, just as Kantei summoned fairy lights to guide their way through the dark.

Tav turned to the door through which they had come – but it had seemingly disappeared, making his heart sink. Yes, he was aware that the temple complex might well be hidden from the cave system it was in. And yet… He was not sure whether he would find it again, and if he was in danger… After all he had no idea where they were going.

Kantei’s hand was meanwhile quite firm around his wrist. She pulled him along, further and further.

The cave through which they walked widened, and then gave way to some sort of ruin. Old walls of another underground building, these made properly from stone rather than being caved into the dark.

At some point Kantei suddenly made the lights disappear, as some sound came towards them. More steps. Little, quick steps.

She pulled Tav close. “Be quiet.”

“What is happening?”

“Just some kobolds on their way home… I think,” she whispered, before pulling him over to the wall to crouch into a corner. Yet another thing that was quite painful in his current state. But he allowed it. What else was he supposed to do? Pick a fight with some kobolds?

He could see them coming along the path towards them. A little group of seven. Their scales were green, and they were carrying two lanterns, happily chatting along in their own little language.

They did not notice the elf and the human hiding in the shadows – or if they did, they paid them no attention, slowly moving past them and vanishing in the distance.

“Are we in the Underdark?” Tav asked.

“No. We are underground, but not yet in the Underdark.” Once again Kantei summoned those lights with a cantrip. “Though I hear if you climb down far enough, you can get there from here.”

Tav frowned. “Where are we?”

She sighed, as she took his hand once more. “Again, if I told you…” She shook her head. “Just come along. I have found a safe path to the surface.”

“Was that why you were gone?”

“Yeah. I… I wanted to find a way out and…” She did not finish the sentence. Instead she pulled him along something that was very much an underground cobblestone road between high walls, that reflected each and every one of their step a thousandfold.

“How did you even get here?” Tav asked. “I mean, to the temple. Fhedré… Fhedré got me here through a portal, but…” Well, he still had no idea where “here” was. It did not matter.

“I am honest with you, I… I do not quite know.” She accelerated her pace, making him jog, and wince, as he once more became aware of those needles. “You know… I did not quite believe your story about helping someone. I mean… You can be a darn good liar, but you also can be a darn bad liar.” She shot him just a little smile. “That was one of your bad lies.” Her hands glid along the stones on the wall, before she found one that had seemingly been touched a lot more than the others. This one she pressed in – opening a secret door in the wall. “And when you were gone for an entire tenday… I started to worry.”

“So you did… What?” Tav asked, following her into a very, very narrow corridor, barely high enough to stand upright in it.

“Nothing, Tav. Because I had no fucking clue what I was supposed to do,” she said. “I had no way of finding you without having even a clue where you had gone.”

He stopped. “But… You were at the ritual.”

“Yes.” She stopped and looked to him, her normally dark face seeming strangely pale in the cold magic light. “Look, I was worried about you and then… I was on my way home, and I heard muffled screams, and I knew they were yours.”

He looked at her questioningly.

“I know how this sounds, because it does not make any sense. But… I followed the sound down an alleyway, and… There was a portal.”

“A portal?” he repeated her words.

“Yes, there was a portal. And… It seemed your screams came from there. So…”

“So you just jumped into a random portal that mysteriously appeared in an alleyway?”

“I know how it sounds, Tav! But, what was I to do? I knew something was wrong with you, and I could not have forgiven myself if I… If I had not followed up on it.” She took a deep considered breath, before grabbing his hand once more. “And then… There I was in that fucking alcove, watching you first get tortured by that man, before a dragon fucking raped you!”

His first instinct was to correct her still on the term, but this time he just drew a breath on his own. “I guess… I guess that must’ve been quite shocking.”

“Yes. Two of those other assholes noticed me, when I tried to get to you, and… Well…” She evaded his gaze. “In the end all I could do was to watch, while… while Fhedré first did all those things to you and then left you to the dragon.”

“I… That must’ve been a lot, without even knowing what was happening,” Tav admitted. “When did you… What was happening, when you arrived?”

“He was skewering up your fucking cock,” she said with a flat tone.

So it had been before Fhedré had started burning him – which he had reacted to so intensively. Meaning, she had seen him writhe in agony the entire time. Before watching that dragon fuck him, which had probably also been quite hard to look at.

“Come along,” she said. “There is… quite a long staircase ahead of us.”

He nodded, allowing her to pull him with her along this narrow corridor. “What happened to your face?”

“Well, this temple of yours is in a dungeon,” she just said. “I had to find my way out.” She looked over her shoulder, as she was pulling him along. “But don’t worry. The way we are taking is safe.”

He did not answer, just allowing her now to drag him onwards.

She was right, of course. They found a spiral staircase soon enough, making their way upwards. Another one of those things that were not necessarily easy in his condition, though he tried to hide his pain from her. He would make due. And in a couple of hours, he could be properly healed with the wounds most certainly leaving some sort of scars.

Yes. He was looking forward to those.

He still did not quite understand what had pushed him into this mindset yesterday, but oh, he was looking forward to those scars. And he was looking forward to see Fhedré react to them.

If only he found the way back to the temple, that was. He was not quite sure whether he would manage.

“How many steps does this staircase have?” he asked, as they were climbing for ten minutes at least.

“I have not fucking counted,” she muttered. “Just come on.”

And they went on. Because, what else was Tav supposed to do? He just followed her. Up and up and up and up… Until he started to smell something else. A fresh breeze. He could vaguely feel it, too. And not long afterwards, there was a single window in the side of the wall, not allowing much of a view, but some air. Some fresh air. The first fresh air he had smelled in almost two tendays.

It brought at least some new energy back to him. And there was natural light out there. Sunlight.

He climbed on, letting Kantei drag him upwards. Until there was a door. A door to the side of the staircase that went still further up.

Kantei pulled down a lever, before pushing the door and opening it. “Be a bit careful. There is quite a drop.” Then she led Tav outside.

She was not kidding about the drop. There was a cliff right next to them. A cliff overlooking a city, with the late afternoon sun standing low above it, sending its lazy rays down to the earth. A city next to the ocean – though that was true for most cities in Faerûn. And Tav would know. He had travelled the Sword Coast for quite a while.

“Come,” Kantei said, leading him along a narrow, but easily walkable path, finally bringing them to a ledge that was a lot wider and overgrown with grass. A place where one could easily stand and look out onto the city.

It was a big city. So many roofs were along those streets, everything going a bit downwards the closer it came to the harbor. Tav was squinting still, as the sunlight was something he had almost forgotten about during those last tendays. It was nice. The ocean air was nice too. Because just a bit right of them the ocean opened up to the city with all its beauty.

The city was located between two cliffs, nestled right in there. Though the cliff on their side of the city was a lot higher than that on the other side. In fact, they were standing fairly low on the side of a mountain. A mountain with quite the familiar shape.

Tav’s heart sank, as he recognized the shape. It sank even further, when he turned his gaze further left and saw the tower on the side of the cliff. That tower, he had been able to once see from his room. A magician’s tower, he had been told. So recognizable and for his entire childhood out of reach. He had always wondered about the magician living there… And yet, this was but a small distraction, from the realization that made him sway now.

“Tav…” Kantei was on his side, holding him up. She followed his gaze, and sighed. “I told you, you wouldn’t believe me… But you know, where we are, right?”

He knew.

Oh, he knew.

He had not set foot back into this city since he had been smuggled out of it in the wagon of a circus, when he had been just fourteen or maybe fifteen years old. During all of his adventures he hade gone out of his way to avoid it, because even after all those years, he was very much still afraid. He was afraid that if he ever walked those streets, that horrible half-elven woman would see him, would catch him, would bring him back to that place – or at the very least sell him to another place just like that one.

It had been that fear that had stopped him from coming back, even though a part of him had wanted to return, just to make sure that place was burned to the ground.

“Tav?” Kantei whispered.

He looked at the city, that he had never seen from this perspective. After all he had never gotten to leave that brothel for the entire time he had been here. And during that flight – that flight he had not prepared for at all – he had not perceived much of his environment. He had just run, trying to get away. Trying to get away, because he had not known what the Misses would do to either him or Jevka, if they did not succeed this time.

“Tav?”

He took a deep breath. “This is Waterdeep,” he said, his voice hollow.

“I know.” She was still holding onto him. “So I was right, wasn’t I? Nobody had told you.”

Yes. She was right. Nobody had told him. Not even Fhedré. Not even Fhedré, who very much knew Tav’s story – or at least parts of it.

Now the city seemed to disappear behind a veil of tears welling up in his eyes.

“Tav?”

But he had been safe at the temple, right? He had been safe there. He had been safe at the temple, with Fhedré. Who cared, if he had technically been in – or rather underneath – Waterdeep? Fhedré had promised he would keep him safe. And Tav… He had to trust that Fhedré would. Because who else would do it? Of course there was nobody. There had never been anyone to keep Tav safe. His entire life, he had to be the one to look out for himself. For himself and everyone else on top of it. Because nobody ever really looked out for the normal people, right? And for the kids. Especially not for kids like him back then, who did not have any family anymore.

No.

But Fhedré did. Fhedré had protected him. And he had made sure…

Well, Tav was not entirely certain. He was not entirely certain what Fhedré had done the entire time. But he knew that somehow, instinctually he felt safer with him, than he had ever felt in his life since that day that the goblins had come. Since the day that Tav had been taken.

The tears running over his cheeks were big and full, dropping down to the grass beneath him, as he tried to cover his face.

But why? Why had Fhedré not told him? Why would he not tell him? This… This felt like something Tav should’ve at least known about, right?

Waterdeep. Of course they were in Waterdeep!

Fhedré had technically said to him, that he had been from a village once close to Waterdeep. And that he had gone to the city. And that from there he had found the Dungeon and had started to worship Loviatar. So maybe he had just assumed that Tav would understand.

And yet…

“Tav…” Kantei whispered. “Look, I know you do not want to stay here, right? So… Let’s just… Let’s make a plan on how to get home, alright? We make a plan, and… I mean, I do not have a lot of money on me, but we will make due. We always had, right? And then… Janeir and Tobin are probably totally worried, but we can make our way back to Baldur’s Gate in two or three tendays, right? We have travelled the route before, and…”

He shook his head, moving away from her. “No.”

She frowned. “What do you mean? Do you want to stay here now? You tried to avoid the place like a plague!”

Again he shook his head. “No!”

“Tav, I know this is a lot, and… I am trying to help you. I just… Tav, please. Let’s go home. Please, Tav.” She took two steps towards him again, taking his hand. “Don’t you want to go home with me?”

Yet again, he shook the head. “I… No, Tei. You…” He looked at the city. The city that once had been his cage. His torture chamber. His chains and everything. “You just… You just don’t understand.”

Notes:

So, yeah. Tav has been in Waterdeep the entire time - the same place where he has once been abused. Which is in the end the result of a lot of miscommunication.

I don't want to say too much about this, other than: I am sorry for not updating too much recently. I was lost in the Castlevania hole once more.

Chapter 35: Confessions of Love

Summary:

When Tav manages to find his way back to the temple, Fhedré is waiting for him.

Notes:

This chapter has mainly just some vanilla smut in here. Well, and the afterplay from the scarrification.

When Tav pushed open the door, Fhedré looked up. “Tav?” Instantly he got up, coming over to Tav. It was clear he did not understand everything, but did come to some right conclusions. Already he was holding Tav upright, one hand underneath Tav’s chin to look at his face. “Gods. What happened? Where have you been?”

Tav sniffled. His voice was hoarse. He had wandered those corridors for hours, before he had found back to the temple. He had wanted to talk to Fhedré. Partly to confront him, partly just to understand. And now? Now he did not get a single word out.

“You are dirty,” Fhedré said. “I will spell you some water. And then…” He thought just a moment. “Have you eaten?”

Tav shook his head.

He did not want to, and yet he allowed Fhedré to carefully maneuver him over to the bed. “Careful,” Fhedré whispered, upon pushing him down onto the thin mattress. There was another pause, before Fhedré went over to the tub summoning some water – before just filling a simple bowl with it.

He put a cloth into it, before returning to the bed. “Where have you been?” he asked again.

A whimper came over Tav’s lips, followed by several sobs as he just could no longer hold them back. Tears were flowing over his cheeks, only to be cleaned away by Fhedré.

“Tav,” the older man whispered. “Tav… Please. Did someone do something to you?”

Tav shook his head, sobbing again. He wanted to say something. He wanted to speak. It was just that it felt as if his throat had been tied closed. Desperately he tried to even out his breath, only to sob once more.

“Hey. It’s alright. Whatever it is, it’s alright.” Fhedré was speaking so softly. Just as he always did. “Listen, I am going to properly clean you, and then I will go and fetch you something for supper, alright?”

Tav shook his head.

“Which part is not okay?” Fhedré asked. “Is it okay that I clean you off? You are pretty dirty.”

Tav knew that. When he had gotten lost in those corridors… There was bits of dirt and mold on his shoulders right now. He slowly nodded.

“So, no supper?” Fhedré carefully took Tav’s left hand into his own, starting to clean the back of it.

Another sob, another whimper. Then Tav forced the words over his lips. “I… I… Uh.” Another sob. “I know… I know we are in Waterdeep.”

Fhedré paused. It was so clear from his expression, that he slowly made sense of what he was seeing. Then he sighed. He did not say anything for now, just put his arms around Tav to pull him into an embrace.

Tav’s first instinct was to fight back against it – but in the end he didn’t. Because right now… A warm embrace was still what he needed. And once those two strong arms were wrapped around him, he just could no longer hold back. He could no longer hold back on those tears, on those sobs, or on the memories, that had been scratching on the surface.

He just leaned against Fhedré, sobbing against his chest now. Or rather, he wasn’t just sobbing. He was whimpering and crying and making so many sounds he should be ashamed off. But right now, he could no longer hold them back. He could just not hold them back.

Yet, Fhedré didn’t mind. He just held him, caressing his shoulders and the back of his head. He did not say anything, he just kept comforting Tav. Gentle. Warm.

Tav could not say, how long it took him. He could not say how long he was just sitting there on the edge of the bed, howling like a mad dog. It seemed to be forever. And maybe he just stopped in the end, because he no longer had any energy to cry. When his sobs became just a bit more infrequent, he just leaned against Fhedré’s shoulder, unwilling to move. Or maybe rather unable to do so.

“I am so sorry,” Fhedré whispered. “I… When I brought you here, I did not know about any of this. And when you told me about what had happened…” He sighed. “I just did not know how to tell you. I… I was not trying to lie to you. I just was… I was dumb. I am sorry, Tav. I… I should’ve told you the same night – or at the very next at the morning after you told me.”

Another little sob came over Tav’s lips. He took a long moment to process those words.

Right. Yes. Fhedré… He could not have known that Tav had been in Waterdeep for so long. Right. Yeah. Fhedré could not have known.

“You should’ve… You should’ve told me,” he managed.

“Yes, I see that. I am so sorry. I… I was trying to find the right moment to say it. But…” Fhedré ran his fingers through Tav’s hair once more. “How did you find out?”

One more sob. “Tei.”

“Kantei?”

Tav nodded. “She… She… After… After the paintaking she… She left the temple. Wanting… She wanted to go… home. I think. She… She found a way to the surface and then… She found out. And she… She thought… She thought when she told me, I would… I would want to return to Baldur’s Gate.”

“You don’t?” Fhedré asked.

Tav considered this, his shoulders still trembling. “I don’t know. I… I don’t… I don’t want to stay in… In Waterdeep.”

Fhedré sighed. “I can understand that. If you want… We can go to another temple. There are many temples to Loviatar in Faerûn. If… If you still want to follow Loviatar, that is.”

Another little sob, as Tav himself wiped his eyes. “I… I think so.”

“Then we will find someplace at another temple,” Fhedré said. He was gentle as he pushed Tav away for just enough to be able to look at him, cupping his face – a fact that Tav knew was right now quite swollen and bloated from all the crying. He wanted to hide it, and yet Fhedré would not let him. “But I promise you this, as long as I life not that woman, nor anyone else will even lay a finger on you.” He caressed Tav’s cheeks with his thumbs. “I will keep you safe, you hear it? I will keep you safe from them all.” He pressed a soft kiss onto Tav’s forehead. “I know, those words sound hollow. But don’t underestimate my powers. I can keep you safe, Tav. I swear.”

“You can?” Tav whispered.

“I can. I promise.” Another kiss of the forehead. “As long as I live, I will keep you safe.”

Another sob came over Tav’s lips as he looked at the other man, as he slowly realized that Fhedré meant it. He really wanted to protect Tav.

And sure… Tav and Kantei, they had always protected each other. Ever since they had met back in Neverwinter. But… Tav was not kidding himself – neither of them was a fighter. Neither of them was powerful. In the end… In the end he wanted to be protected. In the end he had always yearned for someone to simply protect him.

More tears ran over his cheeks and once more Fhedré just hugged him, waiting once more for him to calm down a bit more. He was so patient… So very patient.

“What do you say?” Fhedré asked softly, when the sobs once more subsided. “Can I wash you now?”

Tav hesitated, then he nodded, offering his hand to the other man. And Fhedré did not say anything more. He just took the left hand, starting to wash it first, then the arm and the shoulder. He was working slowly, but gently. It was so clear he tried to avoid hurting Tav, who was after all still bruised on his shoulders and chest.

Once he was finished with the left arm, he took the right one. He washed it carefully, before washing Tav’s face. Then the chest. And then the back.

“Now you bring me into a bit of a problem, Tav?” he said.

Tav looked at him. “I do?”

“Yes,” Fhedré replied. “Because I think, you need to eat a bit. But right now, I do not feel comfortable with leaving you alone for long enough to fetch you something. Especially as the dining hall will already be closed for the night.”

“I am sorry,” Tav whispered.

“Don’t be.” Fhedré sighed and seemed to consider his conundrum. “Do you think I can leave you for a couple of minutes?”

Tav wasn’t sure. He looked over to the door, wondering whether he really was safe. And it seemed that Fhedré very much could guess his thoughts.

“You are safe in here. Nobody is going to harm you. I promise.”

Tav hesitated, then he nodded. “It’s alright… I… If it is just a few minutes…”

“I will do my best,” Fhedré said. He pressed another kiss against Tav’s forehead. “I am back soon.” With that he put the bowl of water onto the nightstand. “Just stay here.” Then he went to leave through the door.

And Tav just sat there.

He felt miserable. He felt ashamed too. Ashamed for being so miserable. He… He should understand, that he was safe here. Because so far at least nobody within the temple had ever truly harmed him. So far Fhedré had always been there to protect him.

Yet, to think he had been so close to that place for now almost two tendays… It made him shiver. What if the Misses found him again? Maybe it was not a rational fear, but it was… It was the one thing he actually feared.

He did not know how long he sat there. He just stared into a corner, feeling as if sitting and breathing were already exhausting enough. In the end, however, the door was opened again and Fhedré came in, putting a plate into Tav’s lap.

“Some hornbill cheese omlette,” he said. “Together with some bread. What do you say?”

Tav looked at the plate, trying to smell it. His nose was all stuffy, but after a while the scent came to his nose. “Thank you.”

“You are welcome. Now eat.”

It was not even as if Tav had an appetite right now. But he ate. Maybe because he knew his body needed it, maybe because he had a good guess that it had been Fhedré himself who had beaten the hornbill egg and everything.

Tav did not taste a lot, but the omlette was hot and that was a good thing. It was always good to have something warm in his stomach.

Some more tears escaped him, as he was eating, and more than once did Fhedré reach out to wipe them away.

“Thank you.” Those words once more stumbled over Tav’s lips, as he finished eating. “I… I am sorry for… For coming in here like this.”

“There is nothing to be sorry for,” Fhedré said. “It was my fault. I do understand that realizing you were in Waterdeep was a big shock for you.”

“And yet I came here crying in here like a child…”

“Tav…” Once more Fhedré wiped away a tear. “It is alright to cry. You have been hurt so much in your life. In a way that I understand is so hard to understand the meaning of. So of course you get to cry. Even if the pain is a blessing for you in the end, you can cry over it. Because I understand how hard it is to bear on some days. Even for someone like you.”

Already Tav felt like sobbing again. “You are always so understanding…”

“I am trying my best, Tav,” Fhedré said.

“Why? I mean… What have I done to deserve it?”

“Tav…” Again the man caressed the side of Tav’s head, weaving his fingers into Tav’s hair. “Everybody deserves kindness. And you… you are such a sweet man. You are such a sweet and kind man. Of course you deserve it.”

“I am…”

“Don’t even try to deny it,” Fhedré said. “I think… I think you often fail to see how sweet you are. But you are. I mean, I did not see that part of you at first either. But once you see it, it is hard to look away from, you know?”

Tav looked at him in some confusion. “What do you even mean?”

“I mean that you are just a kind and gentle person. Someone who is so used to do stuff for others that he has often forgotten about himself. There is still so much I do not yet know about you, but I feel the more I learn about you, the more…” He stopped for a long moment, then sighed. “You know that I love you, don’t you?”

Tav could not help but jerk a bit at those words. Because, yes. He was not completely unaware of the kind of feelings Fhedré had been developing towards him. He just… He had not been prepared to hear those words spoken out loud – let alone phrased like this, making him reply.

He took a shaky breath. “I… I know.”

“I love you, Tav. I… When I asked you to come here, I had not expected to fall in love with you, but… It was surprisingly hard – if not impossible – not to.” Fhedré stopped. “I am sorry, if I am now burdening you with this.”

“You are not burdening me,” Tav whispered.

A long moment of silence fell over them, as Fhedré looked at him from those surprisingly warm grey eyes. “Am I allowed to hope?”

“Hope?”

“That you… That you might return those feelings, I mean.”

Tav sighed, now himself wiping away a tear. “I… I don’t know. I mean… Those… How many days had it been? Sixteen, I think?”

“Yeah,” Fhedré said.

“Those days have been intensive. And I… I don’t like to trust my heart in those conditions, you know?”

“Why?”

“Because it is so much easier to trust a strange man, when the world seems out to get you – compared when you settle down with him. And love… If I get it wrong, I am going to hurt you. And I… I don’t want that.”

Yet, once again Fhedré was so very soft. He took Tav’s hand into his own, holding it. “Let me ask you, right now, what does your heart desire?”

Tav remained silent.

“Please, Tav, look at me.”

And Tav raised his gaze.

“Tell me, Tav. What do you want right now?”

Tav heart was hammering against his ribs, because it very well knew the answer. Yes, this stupid heart knew quite well what it wanted – and was urging him to speak those words. And yet, once those words were spoken, he knew he could not take them back. He could not undo them.

“Tav…”

“You.” The word escaped himself like a bird from the cage. “I… I want you. I want to be with you. I… I want to be held by you. I want to be kissed by you. I want to know that you are there when I wake up. I… I… I don’t know. I… The entire time. I… I do not fall in love just like this, and yet…”

Further words were stopped at his lips, when Fhedré pressed his own again Tav’s. He kissed him, in a soft kiss so full of yearning. The kind of kiss that one only could lost in. The kind of kiss, that would almost stop an aching heart.

Tav pressed himself against Fhedré, allowing the kiss to go on. He did not understand why someone would want to kiss him right now. He was a mess. He was a total mess. But he wanted to kiss Fhedré, so he… He would just not question it any longer.

He did not even know whether it was him skuttling further onto the bed, or Fhedré pushing him. But he did not mind. He let himself fall into the pillows only to be kissed again. And again. And again. Oh, all those soft kisses. Those warm, and loving kisses. He wanted to be kissed like this. He wanted to be lost in those kisses. Lost in the touch of another body against his skin. Lost in those caresses on his skin, that were comforting in a way so little ever had been.

“I am going to heal you, if you want,” Fhedré whispered breathlessly after minutes of soft kisses.

“Do you think… Do you think I should be scarred by now?” Tav managed those words only breathlessly.

“It has been more than a day,” Fhedré said. “You should.” Again he was soft, as he opened the belts of the harness, pulling it of Tav’s shoulders. He was soft as well, as he opened the trousers, pulling them down Tav’s legs. Then the underpants.

Once more Tav noticed how Fhedré blushed, as he saw that crotch. The smile on his lips was so full of love, as he bowed down to Tav, kissing him again. Then he pressed his hand onto Tav’s chest, whispering a prayer before letting the healing magic seep into his torso, slowly healing the bruises here. Minutes passed them by, as Fhedré was healing him and kissing him, both things at once. And while he was doing this, Tav felt warmer than he maybe had ever felt.

“I am going to get fresh water,” Fhedré said then. “Just a moment.” He got another bowl, another cloth. “I need to wash you down there.”

Tav just nodded. “Okay.” He spread his legs willingly, feeling himself blush at this. Weirdly enough he had barely even felt the pain on his way back down – though it became quite strong once more, as Fhedré untied the twine, and pulled out the needles.

Tav gasped, as the dried blood was washed away from his folds, yet he kept himself under control, kept his legs spread.

He closed his eyes, as Fhedré finally pushed his hand against the crotch, summoning the healing magic once more. Slowly the pain was trickling away, was disappearing, leaving just the warm feeling of the touch.

Tav sighed, relaxing. He dared to open his eyes again, looking at Fhedré. “Did it scar up?”

Fhedré smiled. “It did.” He looked at Tav. “Is it alright for me to kiss you there?”

Tav smiled, as he just laid back his head once more. “Of course.”

So Fhedré did. He kissed the folds, peppered so many little kisses over them. Again he spread them apart, just to look at his handywork, before kissing it once more, undoubtedly kissing the different little scars again and again.

Only then did he pause, before spreading Tav’s folds apart once more. He kissed the inner folds, then the clit. Then he took the clit between his lips, sucking it, and earning himself a moan from Tav.

Funny. He had not expected this. But it was good. It was warm and soft.

And it was so different from everything else, as right now there was not the pleasurable or painful desperation. Instead this… It was filled by something different. Trust, yes. Of course the things they did normally took trust. But this? It was a different trust. Because in the end, there was no magic to heal a broken heart – something that made love so very dangerous.

Love. He had actually fallen in love again. He had fallen in love, with a man who so carefully was now licking and sucking him, clearly trying to find out how to best leverage his mouth against a cunt. Which was more, than a lot of men were willing to learn.

Tav hesitated, but in the end he relaxed into it. He allowed this different kind of passion to take him over. The kind of passion that could bring pleasure, yes, but also this feeling of connection that was so very dangerous to the heart. He allowed those feelings to take him over, as little moans came over his lips, little whimpers as well. Not these kind of animalistic whimpers he would give, whenever he was tortured with whips and needles and other means, but the soft whimpers of a man who allowed himself to take a risk he normally hated to take.

The way Fhedré was sucking him, was licking him, and finally fingering him as well, was so gentle, so curious as well. And when the pleasure ended up taking over in the very end, it was a feeling that was more freeing, than what Tav had felt in a long while.

“Fhedré,” he whispered. “Fhedré. Fhe. Fhe.” He stretched out his arms, and the man understood. He hugged him. He hugged Tav, and held him and kissed him, as Tav was still panting.

“That was the first time for me to do that,” Fhedré said, with just a bit of humor in his voice. “I hope… I did not mess it up entirely.”

Tav shook his head. “No… No you didn’t,” he whispered. “It was good. I… Thank you.” He kissed him once more, before giving a sound that he could not describe himself once more. “I… I really do love you.”

Notes:

I am sorry I have not updated this in weeks. Long story short: With the political situation being what it is, I was not at home for the last Mondays and hence did not get to upload this. And my autistic brain is very much married to only updating each story on a specific day. Hence... Well. xD

Chapter 36: Natural State

Summary:

Tav continues to have strange dreams, even though he barely can remember them.

Notes:

This chapter has a dream sequence with monster fucking in the beginning - followed by a fairly vanilla sex scene.

Tav kinda knew it was a dream. He knew it was a dream as he was bound down, while those creatures were all around him. Whenever he tried to look at them, they seemed strangely blurry. But they were there. Around him. Inside him. He could feel them. Pushing him down onto the ground to fuck him, to use him. And he wanted it. He wanted to just be here like this. Bound and used. Used by monsters, who seemed to have no concern for him or his needs. Who just saw him as a thing to be used. A thing to be used with claws, and maws, with cocks, and cunts, and some other genitalia he did not even have the right words for.

When she came to him, he was lying there on those hard stones, his entire body covered in all sorts of fluids.

Her skin was dark. Her eyes were golden. And this time… This time he just knew who she was. Maybe because it was the clarity brought to him in his dream. Maybe because right now he was not thinking anymore and in his heart he had known it all along, had seen the shimmer of the goddess come through the mortal shall.

“Look at you,” she purred, as she crouched down next to him, her leather dress barely covering anything of her body. “Did you enjoy this?”

“Yes.” He moaned. “Yes, I enjoyed this.”

“Show me,” she said, and willingly he spread apart his legs to show her his holes, overflowing with all those juices. “Aren’t you a thing of beauty?”

He looked at her, and he smiled.

“I could whisk you away, you know?” she said. “I could whisk you away, and keep you as my personal pet. And then you would experience this. It would be all you’d ever experience. Pleasure and pain. Forever. Until you would no longer remember your name, would no longer remember anything. Is that what you’d want?”

He looked at her and sighed. “Yes…” His body was twitching. He could feel it. It was twitching still with those sensations filling him out. Twitching and writhing and… It wanted those things. Oh, it wanted so many things right now. And he? He mostly just did not want to think.

“There is one thing I do not understand,” she purred, as she ran her hand down his wet and sticky chest. Down, down, down, until it was in his crotch, pushing into his cunt so deeply, while he could not help but moan and whimper.

“Yes, Goddess?” he whispered.

“You do not fear pain,” she said, moving her hand and making his body react, almost like a puppet to it.

“No,” he groaned.

“And you do not really fear death either, do you?” She pushed further into him, making him whimper even more.

“Not really.” He was writhing, his arms still tied down.

“And yet you fear that place, and that woman. I do not understand.” She was an expert, stringing him like an instrument. She was playing him, eliciting so many sensations from it. So many sensations that shot all through his body.

And while he just wanted to be formed anew by her, he knew that he could not deny her the answer. That he had to answer this goddess, who had come to him herself to make him her own. “I… I do not want to be owned. I do not want to be owned. I… I want to choose myself.” He was whimpering, and rather sure that he was crying as well, as the goddess just made him cum.

“And if I took you in?”

“I would serve you, Goddess,” he breathed, his voice almost giving out. “I would serve you. But I… I would do it of my own wishes. My own will…”

“So that is your limit?” she asked, as he simply nodded.

She was smirking, as she eyed him and his body in this position. “So, my free man with his free will. What do you want now? Do you want me to summon my creatures again for you?”

He trembled. He knew it. And just as much he knew the truth. “Yes.”

 

***

 

“Do I want to know what you dreamed about?” Fhedré asked softly, as he felt the wetness between Tav’s legs.

“I honestly do not remember myself,” Tav just said and smiled awkwardly.

Fhedré chuckled. “It seemed to have been quite good.” Then he kissed Tav’s lips again. Softly. So softly. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.” Tav smiled, even though he felt not really good today either. His face felt puffy after all those tears cried last night. His eyes were swollen and burning. And his head… His head was killing him. “Gods, I must look horrible.”

“That’s alright,” Fhedré said. “I love you even on days on which you might look horrible.”

Those words got Tav to laugh, as he laid down on the bed. “You can be disgustingly sweet, can’t you?”

“I might… yes.” Fhedré reached out for Tav’s face. “Can I?”

“What?”

“Some of that can be mended with a bit of magic.”

Tav sighed as he leaned back. “Alright,” he said, closing his eyes and letting Fhedré do, what he was trying to do. And while it did not help against the headache, it most certainly did help against the swollenness and burning of the eyes.

“See? Already better,” Fhedré said. He pressed another kiss onto Tav’s lips. “How about we get some breakfast?”

“No.” Tav nestled up against the other man. “Not yet. I… I think I do need some cuddles first.”

Once again Fhedré was chuckling, as he pulled Tav close. “We can do that, too.” He softly caressed Tav’s back. “If you want I could also just get you breakfast and…”

“It’s alright,” Tav said. “I just… I need to be held first a bit.” As he had done the day before, he hid his face against Fhedré’s wide chest. “I just need this.”

“Alright.” Fhedré ran his hands over Tav’s naked back, being soft and gentle in it. “I will try and make some time for you this afternoon, how about that? Just you and me and… Well, whatever you’d want me to do.” He paused for just a moment. “And with that I really mean whatever you want. If you just want to cuddle, we can do that too. I think Loviatar will forgive us, if we do not torture you every single day.”

Tav closed his eyes, soaking in the smell of Fhedré. It was a scent of burning coals, of sage, and of some other herbs as well. “Anything I want?”

“Yes,” Fhedré said. “Do you have anything in mind.”

“I do, in fact,” Tav replied. “I… You said there was something you were fantasizing about. About… About taking an aphrodisiac and then fucking me in the ass until I was bulging.”

Now the chuckle coming over Fhedré’s lips was awkward. “You mean…”

“Yeah, I want you to do that. Tie me up nice and well, and then do just that.” Tav could feel the other man swallow, just as much as he could feel certain parts of the man’s body react to this.

“You are serious about that?”

Even though he hated it, he moved away from Fhedré just enough to look at him. “Yes. I am very serious.”

 

***

 

Yes, Tav knew that somewhere in the temple was probably Kantei. Tav knew, that she would come looking for him sooner or later. But right now… He was not ready to confront her. Because more than anything what she had done yesterday showed him, that she did not understand him. She did not want to understand him.

Maybe she was jealous. Maybe it was something else. He did not know. He just knew that what she had done and the way she had done it was not alright, and he… He felt so much safer with Fhedré. And he felt good, when he was with the other man. He felt safe, and seen, and that was maybe more than he had expected anywhere.

So, when Fhedré pulled tight those belts of leather holding Tav’s wrists to the spreader bar, Tav just let it happen. Both ankles and both wrists were tied up to the same bar and it was quite alright. Especially here. In their room. Their shared room. For now. Until they would go somewhere else. Somewhere away from Waterdeep.

“Let me look at you,” Fhedré said, rolling Tav onto his back.

They were both naked – and they would have the rest of the day to themselves.

Fhedré was once more smiling this soft and gentle smile. “Aren’t you a sight for sore eyes?”

“I don’t know. Maybe?” Tav tried to smile as well. He felt so warm right now. And it was a good feeling.

Then Fhedré took the first bottle with aphrodisiac from the nightstand and uncorked it. “Are you still alright with this?”

Tav just opened his lips. It was the other thing that Fhedré had wished for. For Tav to take the potion as well, so that Fhedré could make him cum again and again. So that they could share this pleasure.

When the potion, that tasted always kinda earthy and musky was poured into Tav’s mouth, he swallowed, taking a deep breath after. Right now he did not even need the aphrodisiac. Being tight up and ready to be used was enough to excite him. He whimpered, with a soft invitation in this whimper.

An invitation that Fhedré could hear.

He took another flask, downing it himself, before he leaned down to Tav, kissing him. “So you want to be used?” he murmured.

“Uhum.” Tav swallowed hard. “Yes. Yes, Fhe.”

“Then I will use you,” the man said. He grabbed another flask from the nightstand. This one filled with a strange fluid that was nice and cold and made to make things glide along more easily. “Oh, I will use you good.” He pulled up that spreader bar, pushing it against Tav’s chest, to get him into a better position. And then he just thrust into him, the simple contact of the rather well-built cock in his ass being enough to make Tav groan. “You like that?”

Tav gave another moan, squirming a bit. “Yes. I love it. I love it.”

“I thought so,” Fhedré said, before starting his rhythm. He was firm with it, but not too fast. Not yet, just thrusting into Tav readily, while Tav just allowed himself to feel all those things.

He was not quite sure how long the aphrodisiac might last, but he knew already he would be used at least for a good hour straight – and he loved the thought of that. Right now he did not need to hold anything under control, because the feeling for once was pure pleasure. There was not even real humiliation in this, as he loved this man and being used by him was to his messed up mind the best thing he could imagine.

He allowed those sensations to overtake him, groaned and grunted, until the pleasure just took him over the edge. He was panting, while Fhedré finished up, filling him for the first time.

“You feel so good,” Fhedré muttered, kissing him again.

Tav laughed. “Same. I… I really do love your cock, you know?” He looked at the man, while knowing how much he was blushing himself. The aphrodisiac was not yet fully working, meaning that at least Fhedré needed a short break. A short break during which they just looked at each other – and Tav could feel how the potion started to do the trick.

He himself was getting so antsy, wanted to rub himself and could not because of his binds. And Fhedré was slowly getting hard all over again.

It did not take that long in the end, until Fhedré was thrusting into Tav once again. Harder, even harder this time. And as those potions were mangling with their brains, both their noises were turning more and more animalistic, as they went on.

There were so many little “ohs” and “ahs” coming over Tav’s lips, before they both hit their second climax, looking at each other.

“Goddess,” Fhedré muttered, as he kissed Tav again, his kiss this time so sloppy and wet. “I can already see that keeping you satiated will be a challenge, won’t it?”

“Oh, I am certain you will manage,” Tav replied with a grin. “You will manage just fine.”

“We will see.” Fhedré caressed Tav’s cheek, before kissing the scar on it. “Ready again?”

Tav just smiled. “Don’t ask me. I am a thing to be used by you, remember?”

Fhedré grunted. “Ah yes, I almost forgot.” He started thrusting again, himself barely able to keep those animalistic sounds from escaping. He kept pressing Tav’s legs against his torso so firmly, making this entire thing even more fulfilling. Be it for the better angel he had through it – or be it, because this was just a bit more humiliating than anything else.

Tav just enjoyed the feeling of his ass being so full, and being filled up even more. And while he knew that half of this fantasy was as a fantasy, he kinda had enjoyed being filled up with potion before. Maybe he should ask Fhedré to do that again. Fill him up until he was bursting. And then put in his cock afterwards.

Tav groaned and panted, as Fhedré kept going. He was so sensitive right now, that this time they almost came synchronously.

Both their faces were glowing now. It was something that got made worse by those potions. When you took an aphrodisiac, your face and upper body would usually glow, as your heart was doing some extra work. And it showed. Especially with Fhedré, who was paler than Tav. He was kinda sweet that way. His ears were glowing, too.

Tav would’ve loved to cup this red face in his hands – alas, his hands were tied down and would not listen.

Still, the way he looked at the man got him something, as Fhedré kissed him again. “I think I am going to turn you around now.”

“Turn me around?”

“Yes. I want you on your knees now. With your head down, just like a good boy.”

“Yes,” Tav whispered. “Yes, please.”

“But when I pull out of you, I do not want you to waste a single drop, alright?”

Tav nodded. He loved to be talked to with this stern voice. “Yes. I will hold it.” Not that it was that much to hold so far.

Then Fhedré pulled out, making Tav whimper. It felt still good. Though this animalistic thing taking over now, just wanted that cock back. He wanted it back to fill him up once more. He needed that. Yeah, he really needed that.

He let himself be rolled over, lying there now with his head down and his knees underneath the torso. He whimpered just a bit, as Fhedré caressed his ass, then groaned in anticipation, as Fhedré’s hard cock pushed into him once more.

Fhedré grabbed him by the hips to be able to use just a bit more force. And oh, it was so good. It was so good right now.

Tav had been ready this time to let all of his self-control go, and yes, that was exactly what he needed. He was whimpering now, was trying to move his own hip in the same rhythm. For him, who was so very sensitive even in the ass, this was a good feeling. It made his mind go blank, even without any additional pain. And oh, he had no doubt that sooner or later this would become painful. With aphrodisiacs it usually would turn out painful, once one became overstimulated.

Fhedré was grunting with every second thrust, holding Tav’s hip so firm. He was grunting, then groaning, as his own climax came – and this time he did not pause even a moment, just continuing to fuck Tav, who was himself writhing with another orgasm.

He could feel his own juices just drip down from his cunt, too, as it was kinda begging to be filled as well. Yet, he liked it like this. To be fucked in his ass. Harshly.

He himself was shaking with an afterquake, while Fhedré already ejaculated into him again, and still kept going. Kept going, and kept going, as Tav was simply panting and whining.

“You sound like a dog in heat,” Fhedré whispered, his voice deeper than normal, as he leaned down to Tav.

“I know.” Tav was whimpering those words. “More… Please, Fhe. More. Harder.” He could not even string together full sentences by now. But it did not matter. He was allowed to be a whimpering mess, while he was with Fhedré like this. He was alright with being such a mess. He had known he would end up like this, when he had brought up the idea.

“Harder, eh?” Fhedré asked, before doing just that. He thrust into Tav so violently, that for a moment Tav was almost certain something had to tear within him. It didn’t though. It didn’t. Though that short moment of pain was enough to make him writhe once more, his fingers twitching in their binds. And Fhedré just kept it up, until they both were almost screaming in ecstasy. “Was that hard enough?”

Tav nodded, the sweat running down his back by now. “Yes. That was good…” Again his fingers were twitching just a bit. “This was good.”

Fhedré grunted happily, as he adjusted his position. “Maybe one of those days, I will tie you down on the altar, and leave you there the whole day to be used by everyone. That’s something you would like, isn’t it?”

At the mere thought Tav could only shiver, moving his hips just a bit against the cock. “Yes.”

“You do not even try to hide it, do you?”

“No,” Tav whispered. “I…” Another whimper came over his lips. “I want this. I want this. I want to make the decision… But in the end, I might decide…” He tried and moved his hips again. “I might decide that I still just want to be… to be a toy.”

Fhedré paused, before he leaned down to kiss Tav’s neck. “And what a beautiful toy you will be.”

Notes:

Yeah, as I said, I was kinda gone for two weeks, because of election stuff in Germany and me being active in politics. Sorry about that. xD

Chapter 37: Decisions and Truths

Summary:

Fhedré promises to show Tav the way to the surface.

Notes:

This chapter does not have really anything sex-related - but some torture still.

A simple blessing. He had volunteered for it. He had even asked for this. To be left for it, until Fhedré would have time for him. It had just been a whipping, with him hanging from his wrists. It had not been Fhedré whipping him, rather one of the other priests. The whip had left those deep lashes all over his torso – and even some on his legs. He could feel the blood trickle down over his skin, trickle down his legs and to his feet, where it would drop from his toe a good foot down to the ground.

While not sexually, his body had been made use of, and it was a good feeling. To be useful. And to be used.

He knew it did not make a lot of sense. This feeling. Maybe it was another thing that barely anyone would ever understand. How afraid he had been being used as a kid – and how much he yearned for the feeling now, while also fearing it. The one thing he did fear, was to be tied down to a place like that once more. To be made something owned by someone else. To be possessed. He loved being used, being reduced to an object. But he hated being possessed. He hated not at all being given a choice.

That was, why he enjoyed being with Fhedré so much. Because Fhedré seemed to understand this at least. He would use and abuse him – but he would always give him a choice about it. It was, what made Fhedré so safe. That he would ask. He would stop even during the act and ask.

“I heard I would find you here, Pain Bearer.” That was Truescar Githan once more. She came into the little chapel, waiting for him to look at her.

“Truescar,” he said. “I would normally bow, but I am afraid it is not possible right now.”

“I can see that,” she said, a soft smile on her face. “Should I let you down, or can I talk to you like this.”

“I am waiting for Fhedré. You can… You can talk to me. I will listen.”

Her smile widened. “I already see, that you have found your calling. I came to you to talk about your initiation, to be honest with you. I spoke to the goddess, and she has decided that you shall not join us as an Adept, but as a Whiplar.”

“And that would mean?”

“Your rank will be higher than that of a normal initiate. It will get you certain privileges within the temple – and access to more of her powers.”

“So it is an honor,” he realized.

“Yes. But given you already completed one of the trials it seemed only right.” She paused, her gaze drifting over his body – and the wounds he was bleeding from. “We have also come to another decision.”

Tav looked at her. “You have?”

“Yes, Pain Bearer,” she said. “You will be initiated in three days’ time. And your initiation will be through the Ritual of Her Sacred Sword.”

“The Ritual of Her Sacred Sword?” Tav echoed.

“Yes, a holy ritual. Something that will be quite powerful.” She looked at him. “Fhedré will gladly explain it to you, I am certain.”

Meaning she did not want to. But he did not care right now. All that mattered was, that he was with Fhedré and that he was safe. And then…

“Shall I leave you waiting for him?” the Truescar now asked.

“Yes.” He would not say anything else. “Yes. I will wait for him.”

“Your dedication is an honor to witness,” she replied, before turning to leave the chapel – while his blood continued to drip to the ground.

From what he had heard, Kantei was still here. At the temple in Waterdeep. Because she was too proud to leave without him, maybe. Something like that. She had still not tried to talk to him yesterday, as he quite wisely had barely left that room he was sharing with Fhedré. And she? She had not come there.

A part of him wondered what she would have done had she come in there, while the two of them had been going at it.

The thing they had done yesterday… It had been what Tav had needed. No pain. Well, apart from the pain of getting stimulated for a good two hours. But no pain brought onto him with the intent of torturing him. Rather it had just been lust. Pure lust and passion being allowed to run free.

He had liked it. Especially as he had never had a partner before who had been willing to indulge together with him like that.

Kantei always had been a bit reserved about it. She had learned to enjoy sex in the end, but sexual encounters with her were usually not a thing that could last for hours on end. She would rather do it once, and then cuddle, and exchange sweet gestures. And Tav was not greedy. He was quite willing to serve. So often he would eat her out, and just leave it at that. It was alright for him, though he had always been thankful when she had played with him a bit more. Sometimes she had actually tied him up and spanked him. But not with the verbosity that Fhedré had.

When they had met Janeir and Tobin, she had come along to the Velvet Stage a couple of times, but she had never enjoyed it a lot. She had never complained about Tav indulging in it – letting himself get fucked by several people – until there had been Viola. Which… Of course she had not been wrong about Viola, and yet she also had never understood how much those things Viola had been doing to him had been helping him.

Viola herself, of course, did not seem to have much in terms of sexual desires. She just seemed to like it to hurt him. Especially sexually. But she had never once made him lick her, or had even so much as masturbated while he had been screaming and writhing under her care.

And Fhedré… He just seemed to want all the same things Tav wanted.

It was maybe ironic, that Kantei found him, just as he was thinking about it. “Tav?” she asked, coming into the chapel. “You have to be kidding me!”

He opened his eyes again. “Please, Tei. Not now.”

“Oh, not now?” she grumbled. “It is not as if you seem extraordinarily busy.”

“I am praying, in a way,” he said. When she went over to the chains holding him up, he frowned. “Don’t let me down.”

“Would you rather prefer I leave you until you dislocate your shoulders and then suffocate?”

He knew better than to tell her that his right shoulder was long already dislocated, hurting with every breath. “I am waiting for Fhedré. He will let me down and then heal me.”

“Why are you still trusting him? He lied to you! He lied to you about this place, didn’t he?”

“He did not tell me the whole truth,” Tav replied. “That is quite different from lying.”

“Is it now?” she asked.

“It is.”

“So. What now? Do you just want to stay here, in fucking Waterdeep, and… What, Tav? What is your plan?”

He sighed. “I will be initiated in three days,” he said. “And afterwards Fhedré and me will be send to another temple. Nobody forces me to stay here, in Waterdeep. There is a smaller temple in Baldur’s Gate. Maybe I will be able to go there. Then…”

“And then what?” she whispered. “Get tortured once a day? For the rest of your mortal life?”

“Yes,” he simply said. “That is, what I assume.”

She frowned as she looked up at his face. “Are you really serious about this?”

He sighed, but for once did not evade her gaze. “Yes. I am serious about this, Tei.” He took another breath. “Look, I do still love you. I do. But… This is my decision. And if you cannot live with it, then… I am sorry, Tei. I truly am.”

She shook her head, taking a step back. “You are a fucking idiot. You… Tav. I have no idea what is going on. But something… They are doing something to you. They are brainwashing you. Why can’t you see that?”

“Because that is not what is happening,” he said. “Though I can see that from your perspective… It might be easier to assume.”

“Tav. Tav, please.”

Despite everything, he hated to see that hurt and desperate expression on her face, but for once he did not try to comfort her. “I am sorry, Tei. But I have made my decision. And I want you to respect it.”

She frowned and still looked at him like that, before she took a deep and shaky breath and turned. “You will… You are still an idiot.” With those words she just marched of. Maybe this time to leave for real.

And he just hung there. He hung there, with his shoulders hurting and the blood further trickling over his skin. He hung there and enjoyed this feeling of helplessness. This feeling of serving Loviatar. For… He did not even know how long it lasted. Just, that he did not mind it. He did not mind the pain or the helplessness. He did not mind knowing, how he was feeding Her through his devotion.

“You do look beautiful like this,” Fhedré said, when he finally came to get him.

Tav smiled. “I know.”

“Shall I let you down?”

“Yes.” Tav waited, as Fhedré slowly lowered the chain holding him up. By now he knew better than trying to stand, just allowing his legs to give in, so that he ended up half-sitting, half-kneeing on the ground, before Fhedré came over to him. “How long were you like this?”

“I don’t know. A few hours, I think.”

Fhedré quickly found the dislocated shoulder. He did not say anything, but Tav knew to press his teeth together as the other man relocated the arm with a loud crack. This pain being one that got Tav to yelp for a moment.

Fhedré laughed. “I am going to heal you now.”

Tav nodded, just leaning against the other man. He trusted him, and he knew that with Fhedré around he could relax, could just trust to be washed and healed.

Like always it took some time. But Tav did not mind that either. “The Truescar has spoken to me,” he said after a while. “She said, that I will be initiated in three days.”

“You will be?”

“Yes, she said so. She said, Loviatar has decided it. And that I will be initiated as a Whiplar, rather than an Adept.”

“Wow, that is… That gives you quite a lot more influence to start with,” Fhedré said. “But I guess it makes sense. With you being one of Her chosen. And already having passed the Trial of the Hook.”

“Yeah. I guess,” Tav said. “Say, the other temples are not hidden underground, are they?”

“Most are not, no,” Fhedré said. “Why?”

“Well, when we get to another temple, I… I am honest, I kinda miss the sun.”

Fhedré looked at him. Like so often, he carefully caressed Tav’s shoulder. “I can see that,” he whispered, as he let more of the healing magic pour into him. “If you want to, I can take you up to the surface. After you have eaten something, that is. After the healing you need to eat.”

“I know,” Tav said, and almost felt like laughing. Fhedré had told him this so often. “I… I think I would like that.”

“Even though it is Waterdeep up there?” Fhedré asked carefully.

“Yeah, even though it is Waterdeep,” Tav said. “I… I just want to see the sun and feel the wind.”

 

---

 

Leaving the temple was still nerve-wrecking, though. Even though Fhedré did not seem too anxious about it. Like Kantei he summoned a simple light, but unlike Kantei his hand around Tav’s own was soft and careful. He did not need to sneak, by the looks of it, but rather strode ahead with a careful and considered gait.

Tav just followed. “Are there a lot of monsters around here?” he asked.

“Not that many, if you know what path to take,” Fhedré said. “The people get to the temple to get healed, remember?”

“Yeah, that… makes sense,” Tav said.

“This is the Undermountain. I have no idea if you have ever heard about it before. Given… Given how isolated you and those other children were, I am not sure if you know about it.”

Tav shook his head. “I don’t. I don’t think I have ever heard about it.”

“It is a cave system that connects Waterdeep to the Underdark,” Fhedré explained. “There are many, many levels to it, and it can be quite the labyrinth. There are some monsters, though I would personally always worry more about Xanathar and the Thieves’ Guild, given they have some hideouts down here – and keep them well defended.”

About Xanathar Tav had heard after he had left Waterdeep. Xanathar was this shadowy leader of the Thieves Guide, who was responsible for much of the criminal underworld of the port city. Tav still wondered, if him ending up in that Brothel had had to do with Xanathar, too. He remembered that auction on which the Misses had bought him – it had happened in a big hall that also had been underground. He would not be too surprised if it had been somewhere around here.

They got to a fork in the trail they were following. “Now comes the question,” Fhedré said. “I can bring you down to the harbor. Or I could bring you on top of the mountain. One way is a lot more exhausting – but it also has the better view.”

The harbor. It would be where other people were. Where if he was unlucky… “I will take the good view,” he said and smiled. “I do not mind walking a bit longer.”

“Alright,” Fhedré said. He moved onwards.

“There is one thing I still wanted to ask you,” Tav remembered as they kept walking.

“Yeah?” Fhedré so clearly knew those tunnels down here, finding a very hidden other fork that led to a short staircase.

“The Truescar also said… She said that in the initiation she wants to put me through the Ritual of Her Sacred Sword. And she said…”

Fhedré stopped, looking at him. Worry showed on his face.

“What is it?” Tav asked.

“I still do not like what she is doing,” he muttered. “Why she has to… push you, and push you.”

“Why? What do you mean?”

Fhedré sighed. “It is a ritual. A very sacred one. There is… We have an item, that was enchanted by another Pain Bearer more than two hundred years ago. But the ritual… You will be impaled on that sword for hours.”

“Impaled?”

“Yes. I… I have only seen it done once before,” Fhedré said. “And the Pain Bearer it had been used on, had to be healed several times during the ritual, as they would have fainted too quickly otherwise.”

Tav could not help but swallow. “I… I see.”

“I just do not get why she has to do this to you. This is not a ritual for initiation. Just as…” He groaned as he looked to Tav. “You are one stubborn man. And you asking for the trial… She still should not have let you do it. And I do not know why she did. I… I do not trust her right now. I am frankly glad, when we are at another temple, where she will not have any influence.”

“I will live,” Tav promised. “Don’t worry.” Then he nodded down the corridor in which they were standing. “Let’s go on. Or the sun will have set by the time we get anywhere above ground.”

Fhedré sighed, looking at him with this clear conflict in his gaze. “You are probably right. But… I will still worry about you. Because I promised to protect you – and protecting you from this…”

“I understand,” Tav said. “I do.”

They did continue their way.

Frankly, Tav could never have made it back from here on his own. He had gotten lost on the way Kantei had shown him – and that one had been straight forward enough. While this one? There were so many hidden passages, so many staircases that seemed to melt into the walls. It was quite fascinating.

Tav could tell they were going upwards, though. Up and up. Not in this one big staircase, but in many smaller ones. In the end though, they made it.

The door was hidden, yet it opened, when Fhedré activated the mechanism. Just a moment later the gust of wind came towards them, howling through the opening door. It was a cold wind, which might not have been a surprise given how high up they were.

Tav shivered – especially as his upper body was once more not covered up. “It is a bit chilly.”

“I did not consider that,” Fhedré said, but did so laughingly. “Do I need to wrap my arms around you.”

“In a moment,” Tav said, as he moved outside.

Just like the last time, the sun was a bit too bright for his eyes, but he allowed himself to adjust as he stepped out onto the rock outside.

Already the sun was sinking towards the horizon, the sky already in shades of orange about. Shades of orange and red that were being reflected by the ocean below. From up here the ocean almost looked peaceful to him as well.

It as beautiful. And safe. Up here… Up here seemed safe, at least for someone like him, who was not afraid of heights.

He stepped further forwards, but smiled as Fhedré went to hug him from behind.

Tav allowed himself to sink against the other man, soothed by the warmth the other body had to offer as well. This was nice. “I think, when we are somewhere else, I would love to watch the sunset with you,” he muttered. “Every day.”

Fhedré chuckled. “Aren’t you the romantic?” He pressed a kiss into Tav’s hair. “But we… We can most certainly do that.” He was breathing in deeply – Tav could feel his chest rise and fall against his own back. “Can I ask you something?”

“Of course.”

“Do you recognize anything about the city?”

Tav shook his head. “I was never really allowed to leave the brothel. And I… I never once tried to run until the day, I did and succeeded.”

“It sounds like you had a lot of luck that day.”

“Yeah,” Tav muttered. “Maybe I did.” There was not much else to say about it. Yes, it had been a ridiculous amount of luck. Especially with the circus… When the four of them had crawled into that wagon, because they had been unable to run any longer, it had not been a big plan or anything. They just had needed a place to hide. The wagon had been there. The door had been open.

And yet… There might have been so many people, who would not have taken them in. Sure, most people might not sell out those four kids to some strange half-elf or the Thieves’ Guild. But they would not take  them in either. They would not smuggle them out of the city, hiding them even from the guards as they had not been sure who had been in on the entire thing.

They had been lucky. It had been Tav’s one lucky day.

He watched the horizon, as the sun was slowly sinking into the ocean. Something beautiful, he had seen quite often during his travels along the Sword Coard. “I just want to know for certain, that I will never have to go back to that place.”

“I promise you that,” Fhedré said. “As long as I live, you never will.”

“I know,” Tav whispered. And he did know. He trusted Fhedré. On this he did trust him as well.

He leaned stronger against the other man, without taking his eyes of the sunset. “This is nice, you know?  This is… It is nice.”

“I know,” Fhedré said. “You want to camp out here?”

“No. I think for that I want a bedroll at the very least. And some other clothes.”

Fhedré laughed. “If you want to, we can come to the surface once a day. Then you can enjoy this and… You know.” Just as the sun disappeared behind the horizon, he turned Tav around, to whisper: “And I could fuck you in the light of the sun.”

“Ah. Some sex outside,” Tav replied, laughing at this. “I like that as well.”

“Of course you do. Is there anything you don’t like?”

“Categorically? Not much, I think.”

Fhedré kissed him again. A long, passionate kiss. “I do think though, that we should go back now. As soon as the sun is gone, it tends to get rather cold up here.”

Tav looked towards the horizon, towards the ocean. He sighed. “Sure. That is a long walk, for just a quarter hour of sunlight.”

“We can start earlier tomorrow,” Fhedré promised. He kissed him again, before letting go. “Let’s just… Let’s go back for now.”

Tav nodded, following the other man towards that hidden door, that even from the outside was basically invisible.

Just one time, though, he turned around. Looking up to the sky, where the first stars were becoming visible. During his time on the road, he had always loved to just watch the stars above. He could do that for hours, if he was honest. The sweet twinkling in the sky… Maybe it was his bardic nature to find some meaning in that.

He turned to follow Fhedré, only to stop.

Fhedré was gone – and the door had once more vanished. “Fhedré?” Tav asked.

Undoubtedly the door had just closed on him, and still there was this moment of panic. To be out here alone. To be out here without anyone to save him. “Fhedré?”

There was no question, that in just a moment, Fhedré would open the door again. Would take him back. At least that was what Tav thought, before he heard the other voice.

“Tav.” A soft voice. A female voice. A voice, that somehow was familiar, like the voice one had heard in a long forgotten dream.

But they had been alone up here.

He turned around, just to find he was wrong on this accord. They were not alone. There she was. This woman, he could not explain. A halfling woman with dark skin, her hair braided and with a variety of jewels and coins hanging from it. She was sitting on the ground, looking up to the sky, but watching him from the corner of her eyes.

She smiled at him, when she saw him. “I thought I never would get a chance to talk with you after all.”

Chapter 38: A Twist of Fate

Summary:

Tav gets to talk to the strange woman, who has appeared in front of him.

Tav stared at the woman, so many question in his head.

Her dress was green, with golden trimmings. Some jewels were stitched into the color, glittering in the twilight now. Just like her eyes. She had blue eyes. Shining blue eyes.

“Who are you?” he asked.

“If you are honest with yourself, you already know, don’t you?” she replied. She held her hand out for him. “Sit with me for a moment, Tav.”

He frowned. “I… Fhedré will be here any moment.”

She just smiled. “Will you sit with me until he comes?”

His mind was racing, as he could not make any sense of this. Where had this woman suddenly come from? Why was she talking to him as if she knew him? Sure, there was this vague feeling. This vague feeling as if they had met once. But he just could not figure out where. How did he know her?

Still, she was patient, just holding out the hand in an open invitation. It was strange. Yes, even he could tell that something strange was going on.

He looked up at the sky and frowned. It seemed as if the stars were so much closer suddenly. Or not closer. Just clearer. Especially as it was still the twilight hours. The stars should not be so bright.

When he looked at the woman, she was still waiting for him. He did not know why he was acting the way he was, but he went over to sit next to her. Slowly he pulled his legs up to his body and wrapped his arms around them. He was shivering just a bit, with his upper body still so fully revealed.

“You are a hard man to talk to,” the woman now said softly, making him turn his head just a little.

“I am?”

“You are. Though maybe it is my own fault. After that day… I tried to speak to you, but I never could get through to your dreams, because you were too enraptured by those nightmares. And after a while I gave up, because I told myself, that you were still so young, and that this would have time. You would come onto your own after a while. And I was patient.”

Those words were spoken in the common tongue, and yet they made absolutely no sense to him. What was she even talking about?

But if she noticed his confusion, she chose not to acknowledge it. Rather she continued speaking: “Then you were getting better, and you made already the decision to leave, to have adventures, to help people. And I thought to myself: Why bother you? It was not as if I needed you at the moment, and you were already doing the right thing. So, you should get the chance to explore the world on your own a bit, without being burdened by some nebulous fate.”

“I have no idea, what you are talking about,” he whispered. “I mean…”

“I did not expect Kantei, of course,” the woman now said. “She was a clever one from the beginning. And she always just wanted to protect you. It was as if you suddenly had this perfect protector by your side, willing to do anything for you – but not quite able to do it.”

He pulled his knees just a bit closer, feeling his guilt bite a bit. “I know.”

“I don’t know, why I could not speak to you on the road. I do not know it. But your Kantei, she figured things out already. That you were in more danger than you realized.”

He could not help but stare. “She did?”

“Yes. As I said, she was a clever one. She saw the first signs of the gods moving, and she had a good guess that you were one of the chosen. She wanted you out of harm’s way. And her plan was not that bad. Bring you to the big city, where if push came to shove, there would most certainly be followers of whatever god was responsible to protect you.” She sighed. “Only that I still failed you.”

Looking into those bright blue eyes, Tav could see the stars twinkling within them. Not as if they were reflecting them, but as if the stars were shining out of them. Yet, when he looked at the simple halfling woman, she… She almost seemed normal. “You are a god?”

She smiled and gave just a little chuckle. “I know. I do not look like much, do I?”

What was one supposed to think, when one was suddenly in the presence of a goddess? How was one supposed to react to that? His mind was struggling to catch up with the situation. Was he maybe dreaming? This seemed like the kind of dream he would have. A kind of dream, that…

“I do not know, where this trouble comes from,” she said. “I tried to speak to you in your dreams so many times. But whenever I tried, the nightmares would just take you away, and on the next day you would not remember. You should be able to see some of my memories, too. But you are not. Maybe, because over the years too much pain has accumulated inside of you. I don’t know. All I know is that I failed you by giving up. I should not have given up. And now…” She gave a long sigh, before herself looking out onto the city, that seemed to be now captured in twilight. “Now look in the situation you are in.”

He paused, not looking at this woman for now. Rather he looked at his own arms, the tiny hairs on them standing up right now. “But… I am Loviatar’s chosen. I am a Pain Bearer. I am…” It was what they had said. It was, why he could go through all this torture and still smile after it. Why he could endure, no matter how long it went on, and would not faint. Why he could find this certain bliss, this pleasure inside the pain. No matter what they did. It was, why this felt good. Why after everything that had happened, somehow the pain made so much sense to him.

But the woman was silent, just looking at him again. And he hated this one thing he saw in her expression. Pity. He never had liked it, even though everyone would look at him with pity. Because what was pity? When they pitied him, they just saw that poor, poor kid, who had gone into that place. Not the teenager who had managed to get out on his own. Not the man, who had gone adventuring for five years, who had saved quite a few people. Not… Not anyone else.

She smiled, though there was sadness in it now. “I am sorry, Tav. But the truth remains that there are things nobody should have to ever endure. Especially not a child. And people know it. People know it in their heart of hearts. And yet they also know that those things are happening out there. That there are still other children out here in this world, being captured, enslaved, abused. So, when they hear about it, and you remind them of it, they will feel pity, because pity is the only thing they can feel.”

Instinctively he looked away. “You are reading my mind.”

“I am sorry. It is a habit. Your mind and heart are close to mine after all. I will not do it again, if you don’t want me to.”

“I don’t want it,” he muttered. “My thoughts… They are mine.”

“Alright.” She paused for a long moment, before carefully putting her hand onto his arm. A very, very soft touch. Careful, too. Questioning. And yet… Familiar. It, too, was familiar.

Tears burned in his eyes, and he did not even know why. But they were there, and they wanted to be cried, no matter how much he tried to blink them away. “So,” he said, his voice now hollow, “you are saying that I am not… I not Loviatar’s chosen.”

“No,” the goddess said. “You are not.”

“And I am your chosen instead?”

“Yes.”

“But why… Why can I go through that pain? Why can I just endure those things done to me? Why, if I am not of Loviatar, would it make me feel like that?”

She shook her head. “I don’t know, Tav. If… If I had to make a guess, it was that sometime, during those eight years you spent at that place… At some point, it changed something in you.” She still kept her hand on his arm. It was warm, though radiating an indescribable energy. Something that made his hair stand up, that made him want to… want to sing? “And I am not saying, that you are broken. Maybe realizing how you could annoy them by not screaming and crying when they did some of those things to you, gave you a feeling of power. Maybe you always were to have some masochistic tendencies and that just added to it. I really do not know. Maybe your body simply does experience pain differently, because mortal bodies are different and at times do strange things that do not make sense.”

He shivered. “Broken…”

“You are not broken,” she said softly. “Despite their best efforts, you are not broken. You were the one who got away, remember?”

He wiped away some of the tears now flowing over his cheeks. And for the first time he tried to remember one thing. The thing on the road. Because out on the road, they had once met a chosen. A young man. Chosen of Selûne. He had been captured by some Sharrans, who had wanted to sacrifice them to their goddess, because apparently that was something Sharrans liked to do especially with chosen of their goddess’ sister. “Have I… Have I been born with any powers that I somehow never… never noticed?”

“No,” the goddess said. “I chose you on the day you ran from that place. I told you this before, though I doubt you remember. That place was dedicated to my sister, and the woman, who did all that to you, was working for her. In a way it was my fault that any of you had come into that situation. Had I been strong enough to take her… Yet, it seems to be the fate of all our sisterly bonds to be in constant struggle with each other.”

“On that day?” he whispered.

“Yes. I would watch the place from time to time – like all those other places dedicated to my sister. It was luck, just luck – but what else would it be – that I saw you on that day. And I could not do a thing while you were in that place and with that my sister’s domain. But when I ran – taking those others with you, I dared to… just give you a little boon.”

“A boon, eh?”

“Yes, a boon. Just a little twist of fate,” she said. “Changing some odds in your favor.”

He dared to look at her again, trying to figure it out. He really wished he had given more thought to those hymns to the gods, because right now… It was all a lot. A lot more than he was prepared to deal with. Not right now. “That’s all?”

“You have access to some of my magic,” she said. “But I am afraid you would still need to learn to channel it.” She took her hand from his arm, just to show him the palm in a silent request that he now did understand. He put his hand into hers, feeling this bustling energy, that for certain was not that of a normal mortal.

And yet, as he allowed himself to feel this energy, he had to admit, that something about it was familiar. Yes, at some points… He had felt this before. There had been those little moments, in which he had felt it. At least during their adventures. Moments, at which it had taken hold of his body like one of those shivers – but energizing. At times it had allowed him to see the way out. At times it had seemed that when he had felt it, his spells had been more effective. And at times, it just had been, that some unlikely things had happened soon after, that would somehow get them out of the situation they were in.

It was realizing this, that made him believe her – and at the same time made him realize, that he probably needed to talk to Kantei. Was this woman – this goddess – right? Had Kantei known the entire time? If so, why hadn’t she told him before? Why hadn’t she…

He took a deep breath, allowing this energy to enter him. A strange feeling, but a gentle one. There was no pain in it, or pleasure. Instead it was like a soft embrace. This kind of embrace that one might receive from a parent, at home. At a safe place.

As he let this feeling guide him, some things seemed to become clearer. For just a moment, there were memories coming back to him. Memories from some dreams, that had been gone by the time the sun had risen. Shattered memories, but memories none the less.

“Amira…” he muttered.

“She is the other chosen, who does not realize her fate,” the goddess said.

“She is Loviatar’s chosen.”

“Yes.”

“And she does not know it yet.”

“Yes. From her birth she had been given a piece of that power,” the goddess sitting in front of him replied. “It was that piece that you interacted with.”

The thought once more made him frown. “Could you speak through me like that?”

“I doubt that I could right now,” she replied. “Though normally, yes. Normally we can channel parts of ourselves through our chosen.”

And control them like that. Tav did not like the idea. Though it was another thought that took over now, that took control of him. “Did Fhedré lie to me? Did he know?”

“He didn’t,” she said, and grimaced. “His loyalty towards Loviatar runs deep, but he never intentionally lied to you, from what I can tell. He is a simple man. Simple, but fiercely loyal. To Loviatar, but also to you from what I can tell.”

He wondered, whether she said this just to soothe him. But if she did, those words had the desired effect. Because… Right now, he could not deal with the idea to just leave Fhedré. Even though that was, what he had to do. Right? He had to leave. He had to… He had no idea, what he was supposed to do now, really.

“You know, Kantei had the right idea, hiding you in the city. I could not have known that you would through some twist of fate get Loviatar’s attention. I am sorry. I… Again, these things are largely my fault. Had you been properly prepared – let alone been able to channel some of my energy. Had I allowed for any of that, this might not have happened. And now…”

“They want to initiate me,” Tav whispered. “In just three days.”

“I know,” she said, as a tremble took hold of his body. More tears welled up in his eyes, as he could not shake one truth.

“Is it bad, that a part of me still wants it? That a part of me still wants to go through with it?” He shook his head. “I believe you. I… I know that what you say is true. And at the same time… I went to be… I want to be tied up, and tortured, and used. Because at least when they do those things to me, I feel… free. I do not worry about the stuff that has happened to me or anything. And I will not dream about it. I will not have those nightmares. And I… I am so sick of those nightmares.”

She now covered his hand lying in her own with her second hand. “I know. And I understand it. I do.” She looked at his face, and smiled. “But let me ask you this. If you think back to your adventures, what was the better feeling. The pain and the release it gives you – or the things you did out there. During your adventures. Out on the road. When you saved people and did, what you knew in your heart to be the right thing.”

The tears were dripping on his chest and his trousers as he was sitting there. Because of course he knew the answer. He had always known. “But you said yourself, that I… I should hide away in the darn city, until… Until this entire business you gods deal with can be concluded and…”

“No, Tav. That’s not what I am saying,” the goddess said. “I do want to keep you safe, but if you truly feel you belong out there, I shall not tell you different.” She pressed his hand. “Ever since me and my sister have split ways, I can no longer see the future. But I know this much: You have the touch of destiny upon you. And that at some point, if you just allow your heart – and fate – to guide you, you will be able to touch the fate of many.”

Once again he wiped his tears. “And now?” he whispered. “What am I supposed to do now?”

“Trust your heart,” she replied. “And trust those who love you.” She sighed. “I still think, you should return to Baldur’s Gate for now, where I can extend at least some protection to you.”

“We are quite a bit away from Baldur’s Gate…”

But the goddess smiled. “And you have travelled that road more than once before, haven’t you?”

Notes:

Ah, and there it is, the entire story with Tymora. And yeah, having gotten to reflect about it all for a bit, I still gotta say: While Tymora's blessing absolutely saved his life about a thousand times over (just the fact that basically he rolls all the dice with auto advantage so to speak). But yeah... In the end it does not help him to get told: "You gotta be a hero! Be a hero!" Because his entire thing is really that he is kinda looking for an opportunity to sacrifice his life for a greater cause. Sure, him being with the Loviatans also plays into that - but in comparison this is a lot safer than going out to save Faerûn.

Chapter 39: His Protectors

Summary:

Having talked with the goddess, Tav now knows what to do.

“Tav?”

It was like a broken spell. Or maybe not just “like it”. Tav blinked and things were normal again. He was alone, sitting on the ground, with Fhedré coming towards him.

“Tav?” the man once more asked, as Tav blinked once again.

He frowned. “You are back… finally… I…”

“Finally?”

“You went through the door and door closed and…” Vaguely Tav remembered another thing he had once learned. That on other planes time passed differently. Could it be that he had visited another plane.

Fhedré was kneeling in front of him. Carefully he stretched out his hand to wipe the tears of Tav’s cheeks. “Were you afraid?”

“No… I…” Tav looked at the man.

Despite everything he was sure, that he did in fact love this man. He did not quite know why. Normally Tav was not one to fall in love that easily. Yet, he was fairly certain he was in love – and he just wanted to believe that Fhedré was, too, that these feelings were being returned, were shared. That the confession had been truthful, and not just a lie to get Tav to follow Loviatar. Not just a lie to make Tav stay.

Tav was not even thinking straight as he looked at the other man. His thoughts were still cycling as he tried to make sense out of what had just happened. “I… I just spoke with a goddess.”

Fhedré frowned. “What?”

“I just spoke with a goddess,” Tav repeated, before pausing. “Or rather, a goddess just spoke to me.”

Another moment passed, before Fhedré dared to ask: “Who?”

It was the one thing that Tav really had not figured out, because she just had not told him. “I… I am not sure.”

“Was it Loviatar?” Fhedré asked, but Tav shook his head.

“No. Though… I… I do remember talking to her now,” he whispered, before evading Fhedré’s gaze. Because it felt somewhat blasphemous to speak like this. It felt unreal, too, to think that the gods should show that much interest in someone like him. “I…” His mouth was so dry as he tried to make sense of it all. “Amira. She… She is Loviatar’s chosen. She had a piece of Loviatar since birth, and…” He swallowed. “I am not.”

Fhedré hesitated a long moment. He was still kneeling in front of Tav, his hands now grabbing Tav’s own hands. “Who told you that? This goddess?”

“I realized the part about Amira myself,” Tav said. “But… But yes, the goddess told me.”

“Then she lied to you,” Fhedré said. “She must’ve lied. Because I just know that you are one of Loviatar’s chosen, you…”

“I am not.” Tav took a deep breath, before forcing himself to look at his partner once more. “I am sorry, Fhe. I am so sorry. I… I thought I was, and I… She showed me. The goddess showed me. And I… I just knew that what she was saying was true.”

“She could’ve lied to you, manipulated you.”

But Tav shook his head once more, because for once, he actually was sure.

That feeling. That electricizing feeling. The feeling he had felt before so often out there on the road. That had not been a lie. That feeling was, what had been familiar over the last five years. And yes, while he was not sure, he might have felt it, too, while he had been running. That one day, down there in the city. The one day, he had not thought, but acted. The day, he had freed himself.

“Tav…” Fhedré whispered, looking him in the eyes.

Oh, Tav could see all those emotions in those grey eyes. Something soft, that just had to be love. Love for him. But also confusion, and just this deep seated yearning to understand. And fear. That was fear he could see there as well, right?

Slowly something else settled in. Something calmer. It was the thing that Tav liked about this man. How much he was in control of his feelings and could calm himself down. It was another thing that made Tav feel so safe with him.

“So, you are telling me, that a goddess just appeared to you, told you, you were her chosen, and did not even properly introduce herself?”

Tav almost laughed at this, but he slowly nodded. “Yeah. I am afraid… I think… I think she thought me more intelligent than I am.”

Fhedré gave a deep, deep sigh, as he was still holding Tav’s hands in his own, looking at them, looking at the scar on it. “What else did she tell you, this goddess?” He spoke carefully, and it was so clear from his tone, that he was afraid of the answer. Because he already somewhat knew, didn’t he? He already knew at least one thing.

“She said, she chose me on the day we ran from that place,” Tav said. “Not because of some promise or something, but because she wanted to give us a fighting chance. She said…” He frowned, thinking about it. “She said that place was dedicated to her sister or something. That she had been unable to act inside of it because of that. I… I don’t know.” A part of him wanted to wrap his arms around himself once more, but he did not want to take his hands out of Fhedré’s. “We were so lucky that day, so… I mean…”

Fhedré pressed his hands softly, but he did not hurry him, waiting for Tav to continue his words.

A gust of wind blew over the mountain, making both their hair fly in it for a moment, as well a ruffling the feathers of Fhedré’s robes.

“I… She also said, that Kantei had figured it out. Kantei had figured it out and because of this wanted me to settle in Baldur’s Gate.” He still was not sure how to feel about this. How to feel about the fact that she had not told him, especially.

Of course, he kinda knew why. He knew why. Because if he had known, he would have been even less likely to go and settle down. Knowing that he could actually be the change he wanted to see. Knowing that he could actually make a difference. He wanted to be out there. He wanted to just go and…

Was it egoistic, that he wanted to be a hero?

“How did she find out?” Fhedré asked, looking at him.

“I don’t know,” Tav said. “I…” He knew one other thing. “I need to talk to her. I…” Even though he was not sure, whether it was the right thing to do at this moment, he leaned forward, leaned his head against Fhedré’s. “I am so confused.”

Even now Fhedré was still holding his hands. He raised then to his lips, kissing them. “I will help you figure it out. I promise, Tav.” He kissed those hands again. “I will help you, whatever it takes.”

Once more tears started to well up in Tav’s eyes. “But… I… I am not sure if with everything… If I can still be…”

“That’s alright. Tav. Tav…” The man kissed his hands, kissed the scar on the right hand. Then he took a shaky breath. “Tav. I told you in the beginning, that I will never ask you to do anything you were not comfortable with. And I mean it. I… I did want you to be better. And I thought… I thought this was what would help you. If it is not what is going to help… Please. Just let me try and help you.”

Tav just looked at the man, while those tears were dripping down. He was feeling pathetic once again, and yet… “I am afraid, Fhedré,” he whispered. “I am so afraid. Because, I… I…” He once more was shaking his head, taking a deep breath. “I… I do not fear those things you… you do me here. Because… I… I don’t know what went wrong with me. But… But I will find a way to endure it, if not enjoy it. In the end, I will find a way. But… No matter what really is going on with those gods and everything… Since I came here, I did not have a single of those nightmares, and… If I go back… If I go back, I am afraid those nightmares will come back. And I know it is silly. I know it is silly to fear those nightmares more than what is really happening. Because, I mean… They are not real anymore. Those nightmares are not real. And the pain here… it is. But somehow… Somehow it is easier to deal with than those nightmares. Easier to deal with than the memories…”

“I know,” Fhedré said. “Believe me, I know. Because… Even for me.” He sighed. “I will rather take a beating, than be forced to remember seeing Yette or my kids die. I would rather…” He leaned his forehead against Tav’s. “But I swear, I will do anything I can to help you. Anything. Just…” One more time he was kissing those hands. “I care about you. I care about you so deeply. And… And I did not expect this to happen. But I will do anything. Anything…”

Tav sniffled, unsure what to say. “What do you think I should do now?”

Fhedré was silent for a long, long moment. “I guess saying: ‘What feels right to you’, would be the easy answer here, right?”

Again Tav was sniffling, feeling rather pathetic.

“I think, we should go back to the temple and talk with Kantei. And then…” He suddenly paused, his forehead furrowing in concern. Something that made Tav rather anxious as well.

“What is it?”

“Something tells me, the Truescar will not let you go that easily,” Fhedré muttered. “That she…” He pursed his lips thinking about it for a long moment. “And I think she might’ve known.”

Tav considered this as well, as he could feel another emotion take care of him. Some actual concern. Some actual fear. Because… She most certainly had been testing him. She had been testing him the entire time. And there had been that expression, when he had asked for the trial… She had been so hungry for it. Could she really have known?

“You are saying… She tried to… what? Capture me?” Tav asked.

“I don’t know. I…” Fhedré seemed to try and make sense of it. “It is not in Loviatar’s interest. It is not what she… It is not what I have been taught Loviatar wants.”

Tav hesitated, before carefully pulling a hand out of the hold they were in. Now it was him, caressing Fhedré’s cheek. It was funny, how now in the evening it was slowly starting to feel stubbly. “I am not quite sure what Loviatar wants. Though I did speak to her. I just did not remember it right after. As I said… Amira. Amira is one of Loviatar’s chosen. And Loviatar used her to… to torture me. She said that she liked me, because I did not fear pain – and that because I did not fear pain, I could not easily be broken.” He paused, as he tried to remember exactly, what had happened. “I think… I think she also asked me, whether I wanted to be her pet.”

Fhedré looked at him and sighed. “You are quite the surprise, you know?”

“I am?”

“Yeah. And be it just, because you are here for not even a month and yet already get spoken to by our Goddess.”

Tav gave a long sigh. “I guess… The other goddess. She said something about me having a touch of destiny on me.”

Fhedré raised an eyebrow. “What do you reckon that is supposed to mean?”

But Tav could just shake his head. “I honestly am not sure. But I guess… Right now it means that at least two goddesses as interested in what I… In what I end up doing.” Not that it made the decision any either. Or that what would come before it. “I need to find Kantei.”

 

---

 

It took them quite a way to make their way down to the temple again. Given that night had fallen on the world above, it was not much of a surprise, that even down here things were slowly settling down. They did not go back to their own room, rather holding directly for the room reserved for the recruits.

“Kantei?” Tav asked, as he looked into the room, only to be met with Amira once more.

Her eyes were brown right now, not golden. Not like they had been back then. So he guessed it was just the woman, and not the goddess projecting herself through her. “I have not seen that woman since the morning.”

“Have you any idea, where she went?” Tav asked.

Amira frowned at him. “Well, she is your girlfriend, right? Why would I know?”

Tav sighed, as a new fear took hold of him. Because he remembered the last talk he had to her. And how he had blocked her off. How he had blocked off all of her concern, even though he had known it was genuine. “I… Maybe you are right.”

“I am fairly sure that I am right,” Amira replied. She looked over to Fhedré. “And you? You are looking for his girlfriend, too?”

“As a fact of the matter, I am, yes,” Fhedré said. Something about his gaze was curious as he looked at Amira – clearly trying to see it. Trying to see the aspect of the goddess, he had been praying to for so long, respected in this young woman.

She frowned, as she noticed his gaze. “Do I have something on my face?”

“No, I just…” He shook his head.

“Do you think Kantei might have left? I mean… Do you think she might have left for real?” Tav dared to ask, though his heart feared this answer.

He had not been good to her since she had come here.

Darn it. He now realized something else. What she had told him. She had come here through a portal. She had heard him scream and had just stepped through a portal to get here. It had been that one goddess’s doing, hadn’t it? She had opened that portal for Kantei, because… How was it? He thought he remembered something about the gods not being able to project their powers into each other’s temples or something of the sort. At least this was the truth for some of the gods.

After all, the goddess had spoken of it. How she could not have saved him, because that brothel had been a place of worship to her sister – whoever her sister was. Once he knew what he was supposed to do with his darn life, he might just look into it. Then he might find out what god… Oh, he didn’t know. He didn’t know. He was still so confused!

“Look, I don’t know,” Amira said. “I barely spoke to that woman. I mean, she made it pretty clear she basically hated everyone here.”

“I know.” Tav could not help another sigh.

“You do really have something about you, don’t you, Tav?” Amira looked at him with curiosity. “Getting yourself such fervent protectors?”

He shook his head. “I… I don’t know. I…” He turned his back on her. “If you see her again, tell her to come look for me. I need to talk with her.”

“Sure,” Amira said, and he well could hear her irritation from her voice.

Well, what else was he supposed to say or do? He looked at Fhedré. “We… Let’s look at the garden. Maybe she is there. Or maybe…” He looked upwards. “Maybe she is up there, looking for a way back… Back to Baldur’s Gate.”

“She probably has not left the city either way,” Fhedré said, coming over to him. “Don’t worry. We will find her somehow.”

“Right.” Tav sighed, making a step towards the door, just when he could feel something shift in the air around him.

“I meant, what I said, you know?” a voice said, that was Amira’s, just not quite. And he knew who was speaking, even before he saw those golden eyes. “I could take you in, and make you experience all the pain and pleasure you could ever imagine. I could allow you to lose yourself in it. Until you forget. Isn’t that, what you wanted? To forget?”

He looked over his shoulder, not sure whether he could look directly at her. “I…” A part of him wanted nothing more. Being just made into the thing she wanted. A thing that would not need to think about anything, would not need to remember.

“I do not know, what she is offering to you,” the goddess purred. “But can it really be that much better?”

“I don’t know.” He could not do much more than to admit to it. “I don’t know. I…” There was a shiver running through him. A shiver, and so much desire. “But I feel like I need to find out.”

“Are you so sure?” There was so much promise in her voice. Promise and a certain curiosity. “You would never have to worry, if you chose me.”

“Chose you?” Now he actually looked.

She smiled devilishly. “Who says we are the only ones getting a choice. Just… think about it.” Something cracked, as if the air was shifting, and Tav only noticed after a moment that his back was bleeding once more.

It was Fhedré by his side. “Tav? Tav?”

He had not noticed anything, had he? He had not heard a word of that conversation right now.

“Tav? What just happened?” he asked.

Oh, how was Tav to ever explain it to him? He shook his head. “I need to find Kantei.”

Notes:

Sorry for not updating recently. My Mondays tend to be kinda hectic recently, which never gave me the time to update. And I am afraid I am too autistic to break out of my uploading schedule lol

But I managed today, because I am sick. Yay. lol

Chapter 40: His Choice

Summary:

Tav and Fhedré are looking for Kantei, who seems to have disappeared.

It was as if Kantei was gone. As if she had gone. She must have gone. She had probably left. She had probably made her way to the surface to try to return to Baldur’s Gate of her own. It was reasonable, Tav knew that, just as he knew that it was his fault. He had not been good to her, even though he knew that he should have.

After all she was just worried about him. Because he was an idiot – and Tav knew so very well, that he was a fucking idiot.

No matter whether what the goddess up on the mountain had said about Kantei was true, he knew one thing: Yes, she had always been worried about him and his tendency to get into trouble. Oh, during their travels she had gotten angry with him so often about throwing himself into harm’s way to protect someone else. Or how he would just go from one adventure to the next, without resting, without getting care of himself.

She had found a million reasons for them to settle down in the city, but he kinda knew that this had always been the core of it. Her trying to protect him. She would have tried that either way, no matter whether she had figured it out. But she might have as well figured it out. Because she was clever. She was definitely cleverer than he was.

“Hey,” Fhedré said, as they made their way towards the surface. “She cannot have gone too far. She will still be in the city, and we… We will figure this out.”

Tav looked at him, and tried to force a smile.

If he was honest, he had assumed for just a moment as that goddess had spoken to him, that Fhedré… Well, that he would not be able to stand for this. For him declining Loviatar. And yet… They had not found Kantei last night, so first thing in the morning Fhedré had been by his side to look for her. They had looked all throughout the temple – and now were making their way up. Up to Waterdeep. Up to the streets of Waterdeep.

It was as if it was the most natural thing for Fhedré to do. And yet… Tav was not used to it. Not like this. Especially not in this kind of situation.

“We will find her,” Fhedré promised again, as he pushed open another door. “There are a few inns that she will be likely to stay in. We will try those first. We can ask at the taverns, too.”

If only there was nobody who recognized Tav.

Sure, he was a man now. The person that the Misses might have looked for almost ten years ago, had been a girl. Not a man with a beard and everything. Even the scars on his chest were covered up by a simple shirt right now, because he just could not see himself walk the streets of this city and showing off so much of his body.

Still. There was the scar on his face. And while the Misses could not have known that wound had not been healed quickly enough, and while also the branding iron had never left a proper pattern, rather than just a gaping wound, he could not help but feel… seen. In a bad way. He felt seen, as Fhedré guided him up another staircase, into some basement – and through that basement into what was just the entrance of the Dungeon.

Words were exchanged. Fhedré lied. He lied about why they were here. In the end, he just took Tav’s hand, guiding him outside onto that crowded street. Oh, it was so crowded. So many people. Maybe… Tav, he did remember that the Thieves’ Guild was among their regular guests. Maybe some of them were here, too. Maybe some of them would see him and recognize his hair, maybe. Or…

“Don’t worry.” Fhedré was still holding Tav’s hand. “I swear to you: As long as you are with me, you are safe. Nobody will touch you. Nobody. And we are going to find her. We are going to find Kantei, and then…”

Tav looked up to that blue sky partly covered in clouds above. And a part of him wished, that this goddess had given him some proper instructions. Just something to do. Just something to rely on. She had not wanted to push him – that much he had understood – but frankly, he would like a little push right now. A hint to know what he should do. Where was he supposed to go? And what was he supposed to do now?

Fhedré pressed his hands, as he pulled him along the busy street. He shot him those worried looks. “Don’t worry. We still have time. It should not be that hard to find her.”

 

***

 

It was hard to find her. Or rather, it was simply impossible to find her. They spent the next five hours on the surface looking for her, looking for Kantei. But with no results. She was not in those taverns and inns Fhedré mentioned. And nobody they asked had seen a dark-skinned elf with a noticeable scar on her throat.

By the time they made their way back into the Undermountain, Tav was barely holding back the tears. Because she was gone. She was gone. Kantei was gone. And it was his fault. He had just not wanted to listen. He…

“Tav,” Fhedré said ever so softly. “It is going to be fine. I promise it is going to be fine.”

Tav had wrapped his arms around himself, as he followed the other man through all those hidden labyrinth-like corridors. The truth was, that his head was rushing so much already. Worry about Kantei. Worry about how he had messed up. But also those streets. They had not even been familiar. He could not even say where that place had been.

After all, he did not know the streets of Waterdeep. He did not know those streets. Because he had only really seen them once. The one time, when he had run. And he barely remembered anything – just the fear in his heart. The fear of being caught again, of being brought back.

Yet, the fact that he did not remember a single place was making it worse, not better. Because it made the entire city feel so unsafe. How could he exist here, with the constant fear to run into the Misses on any corner?

“Should I go up once more later? I could go alone,” Fhedré offered, as Tav was silent. “You… You are afraid, aren’t you?”

“It is fine,” Tav whispered. “I need to find her. I… It is my fault she left. It is my fault. I… I should’ve listened. I…”

Fhedré stopped in his stride. The corridor was dark outside from those two glowing orbs he had summoned. The orbs were now hovering next to them, as Fhedré took Tav’s hands. “Listen to me. In the worst case I will open a portal to Baldur’s Gate tomorrow. And I will take you there for now. And after that… We will see what we will do after that.”

“But… she is not there either, right? If she… She is probably out on the road. And on her own. And…”

“Do not worry too much right now, Tav. We will find her. Despite what people think, it is not that hard to find a person out there. We were just unlucky today.”

Tav tried to get himself to think the same – only that it was hard. Still, he nodded. “Can you hug me for a moment?”

“Sure.” Fhedré wrapped his arms around Tav, holding him, caressing his head and his hair. Other than Tav, he had not covered up, still wearing his colors as a priest of Loviatar – something that reminded Tav, that he had no idea how this would go.

If he, Tav, did not initiate… How would the two of them go on? Would they be able to stay together? Would there be a future to this?

“Tav. I told you. I will keep you safe.” Fhedré was so soft in his hug. Which was ironic, wasn’t it? How harsh this man could be. How painful his torture. And yet, he was so soft, so gentle. He could be so caring, too. He would take care of Tav. Right? “And I am sure… Even if Kantei happens to be angry at you, she will at least listen you out. We will find a solution. And in the end… We will keep you safe.”

“It is just so much right now,” Tav muttered.

“I know. And I feel partly responsible for it. To have you dragged here and…”

Tav wrapped his arms around the other man at those words holding him close. “Had I not come here, I would not have you. Not… Not like this. And…” He did not know how to phrase it.

There was a sad sigh coming over Fhedré’s lips. “We get you back to safety, get you fed, and then we will make a plan on what to do next,” he said. “Does that sound about right?”

Tav sighed, but nodded. “Yes. Yes. That…” What choice did he have either way?

Somehow they made their way back to the temple – and Tav was still pretty certain, that he would get lost down here. He still felt lost, though. He felt lost as he arrived here, even as Fhedré was still holding his hand as he guided Tav to the dining hall.

It was probably Tav’s imagination, but it felt like a lot of people were looking at him. Were looking at him as if they were expecting something.

He did not know.

Oh, he just did not know.

He barely tasted the meal that Fhedré got for them – just another stew with some bread. He really wanted to go back up and look for Kantei, and then… Maybe she could help him figure all of this out. Because she was clever after all, and he… He was not.

They still had time.

They still had…

“Fhedré,” someone said, stepping next to their table.

It was a drow of all things. A drow man, his age so hard to pin down.

“Thestrel,” Fhedré said. “Have you been looking for me?”

“I have,” the drow replied. “For him as well. Where had you gone?”

“We just paid a visit to the world above,” Fhedré replied. He acted as if the drow was unable to see Tav’s red eyes. “He had not seen the sun in almost two tendays.”

Those purple drow eyes were pinned on Tav now, considering this. But in the end the drow just looked at Fhedré again. “Truescar Githan had been looking for the two of you. I was told to bring you to her, if I found you.”

Tav could sense how Fhedré tensed at those words. “She did ask for that. I see. I think it is better if Tav retires for now. Today has been a bit much.”

Something in the expression of the drow was hesitant, but he shook his head. “I was told to bring the two of you.”

In the end, Tav was fairly sure about one thing: No matter what that high priestess was up to, it was not good for him. And he was… He was not sure how he felt about it. Because something in her gaze had been wrong. It had been even more wrong than what he had seen in Loviatar herself.

“His initiation is in two days,” Fhedré said. “I think he needs some rest before.”

“It is just a talk,” Thestrel replied. “You can abide by that much, can’t you?”

Fhedré looked at Tav, his gaze questioning. There was a silent promise: If Tav said no, Fhedré would find a way out. But it would only create more problems for them, wouldn’t it? So Tav sighed. “It’s alright. We can go. We can got for a moment. After we have eaten.” He looked at his half-finished bowl of stew. It was not as if he had an appetite – but he knew that Fhedré was right: He needed food. He needed to eat. At least something.

For a moment he was almost certain, that the drow would urge them along, but in the end he gave in. “She is in the high chapel, preparing for a ritual,” he said. “Find her there.”

Fhedré nodded. “We will.” Then he continued to eat, his worried gaze pinned on Tav though. “I don’t like it,” he said, once the drow was gone.

“I know.” Tav shivered. “I have a bad feeling, too. But…” He hesitated, falling into another thought that he could not quite get rid of. “Maybe I should just tell her, that I need time. That I cannot do the initiation now. Maybe…”

“She won’t understand,” Fhedré said. “Something is wrong with her. I have no idea what, but something…”

“Yes,” Tav muttered. “I know. But… What else am I going to do?”

Fhedré hesitated for a long moment. “I could open that portal for you now. And then…”

“No. I… I need to at least try and…” And find Kantei. Because… He could not quite say. It was just a bad feeling. But it was a real bad feeling.

Fhedré sighed. “If we do not find Kantei tomorrow, I will get you away, though. I… I cannot quite say what it is, but I do not trust Truescar Githan right now. And… I care about you more than I care about her.”

Barely could Tav bear it to look at the other man. “Why are you like this to me? Why… What did I do to deserve it?”

“I don’t know,” Fhedré replied. “But… I feel like you do. I feel like you deserve it. Because you…” He wanted to touch Tav, that much was clear, but in the end he thought better of himself, stopping with his hand in midair. He lowered his voice even more than he already had. “Maybe all of this was some twist of fate as well. But in the end… I still do love you, Tav. I still love you.”

Tav looked at the other man, feeling those tears well up in his eyes once more. Then he simply nodded.

They finished their meal, before Tav got up. He really did not feel good about this – about going to see the Truescar – but he knew that right now he just had to. Play along for just enough that they could find Kantei somehow.

Fhedré was the one, who brought away their empty dishes, before he once more took Tav’s hand. The way he was holding it now – firmly – spoke of his own nervousness. Maybe the worst part was, that they both still could not really say, what was going on with the Truescar, just that it was not good.

“That chapel,” Tav said, as the two of them were leaving the dining hall. “I guess you know where it is, right?”

Fhedré pressed his hand, and nodded. “Yes. Don’t worry.” And yet it was so clear, that he worried so much as well, just about different things.

It turned out that the chapel in question was on the top level of the temple. It was a fairly widen and intrinsically lit chapel, filled with benches surrounding a central altar – and a wide space in front of it. Having been the sacrifice in three rituals by now, Tav knew what that space was for. It was, where the sacrifice or offering would be tortured.

Indeed it seemed that Truescar Githan was preparing something, as she had some younger members of the temple bring in instruments into this space. Especially a wooden piece that looked, as if it was made to overstretch someone’s back, by having them tied down on it. Almost rounded, with places to tie up the hands and feet to the sides.

The priestess noticed them, turning around. “Fhedré, Tav, I have had people looking for you.”

“We had gone to the surface,” Fhedré said. “Tav needed some fresh air after having been down here for so long.”

The woman came over to them. In the strange lighting of the chapel, the scars on her face almost made it look as if she had scales. The yellowish eyes only made this effect stronger. “I see.” These eyes were pinned on Tav now.

“What do you want?” It seemed almost instinctive as Fhedré pushed himself between Tav and her.

“I wanted to talk about Tav’s initiation,” she replied.

Tav felt himself shiver. His hands felt so sweaty right now, and yet, he reminded himself that he was in fact good at talking with people. “I needed to talk with you about that, too. I wanted to ask whether we can delay it for a few days. I… I still need to think about it a bit.”

“Think about it?” Her gaze had a sudden edge. “What is there still to think about, Pain Bearer?”

“It is a big step. And I… A lot of things will change, once I do it, right? I will join the temple, get new responsibilities, and we will have to move places, and… There is just a lot to consider.”

“Do you have doubts?” she asked.

“I mean… It is just a lot. Those two tendays have been a lot, and I…”

“What is there to question him about?” Fhedré once more tried to put himself between the two. “You know as well as I do, that it is not usual to initiate someone within less than a month. Why not give him the time we give everyone else?”

“Fhedré.” She frowned at the man. “Because he is a Pain Bearer, and Loviatar’s chosen. The best we can do to protect him in these troubling times, is to initiate him and keep him at the temple. Getting him up there in the city had been dangerous already.”

“What if he isn’t?” Fhedré asked.

“What are you talking about?”

“What if you are mistaken? What if he is not Loviatar’s chosen?”

The Truescar’s gaze became icy, as she took an additional step towards Fhedré, being just a few inches from him now. She was smaller than him – he was a big man after all – but her aura seemed dangerous at right this moment. “Are you questioning me or the Goddess? She spoke to me. She told me that he is her chosen. That he belongs here.”

“So you have said, yes,” Fhedré replied. “It is not as if I have any proof of that.”

“Maybe there is a good reason the Goddess so rarely speak to you, Fhedré.” She pushed against his chest now. “Maybe your faith is not as true as you claim it to be.”

Tav took a deep breath. “Stop it. Stop questioning him. I just want a few more days. Is that too much to ask? Just a few more days to prepare myself for everything, and…”

“No,” the Truescar said.

“What?” Tav looked at her. “You cannot force me.”

“See, the reason I have been looking for you,” the woman said, “is that the Goddess spoke to me last night. And it was her, who made the decision. Tonight the signs are right for the Ritual of Her Sacred Sword.”

Tav looked to Fhedré, who had taken a step back.

“She also told me, that you might have doubts,” the Truescar continued. She took a deep breath. “Follow me, I want to show you something.”

“No,” Tav said. “I do not want to.”

A slight smile was on her lips. “Oh, I am fairly certain you do want to see this.” She nodded towards two of the younger priests or acolytes or whatever they were, and they came over. “Follow me. All of you.”

Again Tav looked at Fhedré, wondering whether they could try and just get away from this woman – from this situation. They could try, he assumed, but…

He could see a yearning in Fhedré’s eyes to try. To start a fight and then run. Because something was wrong. Something was very wrong and they both could sense it. But at the same time… Where would they go? And what would they do about Kantei?

“Come now,” the priestess once more said. “It is not far.”

In the end, Tav shook his head and started to follow the woman out of the chapel and down a bit on the corridor. He could feel, when Fhedré joined them. The other man took Tav’s hand once more, pressing it to signal his support.

Though Tav tensed, when he realized that the door, the woman was leading them to, belong of one of the other torture chambers. “What are we doing here?”

“As I said,” she replied, unlocking the door. “I need to show you something.”

A moment later, Tav’s heart dropped. He could feel a tremble running through his entire body. “Tei!” He could not stop himself from running into the room, running over to her.

They – or maybe the Truescar herself – had hung Kantei from the ceiling, handcuffs around her wrists. And for just a moment, Tav was not even sure whether his partner lived. She was just hanging there so lifelessly, wounds from what appeared to be a long whipping all over her body. She had been gagged, and a blindfold was around her eyes, while her usually open hair had been bound into a queue – though more than enough strands had escaped it.

As he touched her, though, she started to writhe and to moan in fear and agony.

“Tei!” He looked around for the right lever or wheel to let her down, but it was in that moment that the two acolytes accompanying them, took him by the shoulders.

He stared at the Truescar. “Why? Why did you do that?”

“Because I spoke to the goddess,” the priestess said. “And she told me, you might have doubts.”

“This is wrong.” Fhedré stared at her. “This is wrong, and you know it.” He took a few steps over to Kantei, clearly with the goal to let her down as well. “Loviatar’s worship has always been about appreciating the pain, about welcoming it. This woman… She had nothing to do with this. How can you…” The ground under his feet opened, with tentacles shooting out of it. Tentacles that wrapped themselves around his legs and feet, to hold him in place.

“You always had these firm believes about this, Fhedré,” Truescar Githan said. “I know you still do. Unable to see all the other kinds of pain one can inflict on a soul.” She went over to Kantei, letting her hand wander down over the elf’s naked back, smiling as Kantei started to squirm once more in anguish and fear.

“No,” Fhedré said, staring at the woman. “You confuse our Lady of Pain with Beshaba.”

“Do I now?” she asked.

“You do.”

She shook her head and sighed. “You might be dedicated, you dumb man. But you are also quite naïve.” Once more her gaze wandered over to Tav, who could do nothing but stare at her with so much anger. “The conditions for the ritual are right tonight. Either you will be the sacrifice – and be initiated through it – or I will take her.”

“She could not even survive it!” Fhedré shouted, making the Truescar smile.

“I know.”

Tav looked over to Kantei, who was still moving and moaning, clearly bespelled to not hear anything. “Release her now, and I… I will do it.”

“Release her now, and you will be gone from this temple within an hour,” the Truescar said. “No. You will be prepared for the ritual – and once you are tied down, then I will release her.”

Tav stared at her, before his gaze glid over to Kantei.

He knew, that he could take this situation she was in right now. He could easily take it. But she wasn’t him. She had to be in so much pain right now – and given the way her shoulders were swollen, she might already feel as if she was suffocating. “Let her at least down. Keep her… Keep her tied up, but let her down. Please. I… I will do what you want. Just let her down.”

“Tav,” Fhedré whispered, but Tav shook his head.

“Please. Just let her down.” He relaxed, no longer struggling against the acolytes. “Please.”

For a moment, the Truescar’s eyes narrowed, but then she sighed. “Fine.” She went over to the wall, loosening a chain, before moving one of the wheels mounted here.

And indeed, slowly Kantei was lowered to the ground, groaning against her gag as she was. In fear, no doubt. Even more fear and pain.

She even tried to stand, as her nude feet touched the stone floor, but of course her legs could not hold her weight, giving in. In the end, she was just lying there. Trembling and sobbing.

Tav took a deep breath and nodded. “Then I will do it,” he said. “But… But at least I want Fhedré to be the one to do the torture during the ritual. I… I want Fhedré to be the one to scar me.”

Notes:

Right now updating Monday's is hard, because I tend to not be at home during Monday evenings.

Chapter 41: Her Sacred Sword

Summary:

To save Kantei, Tav offers himself up as a sacrifice for another ritual.

“Tav…” Fhedré looked at Tav’s nude body, while Tav was simply standing in front of the bed. “I should get you out of here. I…”

Tav just shook his head. “I am not allowing for anything to happen to Kantei. She is simply here, because of me. She came to save me. I am not allowing them to do anything to her. I… We can still get out tomorrow. We can still leave, right?”

“But the ritual…” Once more Fhedré took Tav’s hands, holding them so gently in his own. “Are you sure you can…”

“I will somehow make it,” Tav said. “And you will be there. You will make sure nobody kills me, right?”

“Yes. Of course.”

“You will be there. And in the end you will be the one doing the torture. And even like this… I like it, when you hurt me like that.” This time it was Tav, who pulled his hands out of Fhedré’s, just to cup the other man’s fate. “No matter what comes out of this, I am thankful that I found you, that you are here. I love you. I do love you. And I trust you.” He leaned in for a kiss. A soft kiss at first, but already as their lips met, he could feel himself shiver, could feel himself want more.

“I failed,” Fhedré breathed, as he pushed Tav onto the bed. “I promised to protect you and…”

“Please, don’t…” Tav let himself fall. He willingly opened his legs, too. For Fhedré. For this. Just to have this little bit of comfort, before the bad things would happen. For once he could have comfort before that, and he would use it.

Fhedré understood. He started rubbing Tav, started teasing him, before awkwardly opening his own trousers. Even with everything he was still getting hard rather quickly.

A tear ran over Tav’s cheek, just when the other man pushed into him. Because no matter how much he knew he would have to go through with this all, he was also fairly afraid. He was afraid of what would happen, because he did not trust that woman, and he was not sure what she still might do to Kantei. Kantei, who would just not be able to take it like he did.

There were so many emotions swirling inside of him right now. So many emotions. And this – having the warm body of the other man so close, having him thrust into Tav – was the only thing that made sense. An act of pure desperation, as more tears were falling from Tav’s eyes. Already he had cried too much for today, and yet…

He wrapped his arms around Fhedré’s shoulders, clinging onto him. Their moans were deep with so many feelings. And while they whispered each other’s names, they whispered little else.

It was not a long act, or a very elaborate one. Just one, that left the two of them lying there on the bed, holding onto each other for a long while.

Oh, Tav knew he needed to be prepared. He knew that it needed to happen. But he was afraid – and he was not even sure of what. Not of the pain, no, but more of the knowledge that it might rob him of his freedom. The freedom he had barely gotten to enjoy for ten years.

Yet… He would not sacrifice Kantei’s life for this freedom. No. Not her. Not anyone. If it had to be him, it would be him. No questions asked.

It was because of this thought, that in the end, he pushed himself up once more. “You should finish the preparation. I… I do not want to be late.”

 

---

 

For once, Fhedré was not excited about it. Tav could sense it. No, Fhedré was not excited, as he led Tav along the corridor on this leash. The man was tense, looking around again and again, while Tav was walking behind him.

Like in the Dungeon he was wearing a leather collar, on which the leash had been mounted. His arms were cuffed in leather cuffs behind his back. And while so far his legs were not bound, those, too, had leather shackles on them.

Tav’s skin was tingling from the lotion – and he could feel his nervousness. But at the same time, he would not stop in his gait.

What is the worst that could happen? He kept asking this himself. Sure, he assumed that being impaled by this sword for multiple hours would be painful, but pain he could handle. He would be used during it – but that he could handle, too. He might even enjoy it. He just needed to enjoy it this one time.

Yes, technically it would be initiation – but even Loviatar could not force him to be hers. He could simply leave tomorrow. Together with Kantei, and maybe together with Fhedré.

Right. They would do that. Because Tav would not break. No matter what would happen during the ritual, he would not break. Even Loviatar had said it. That she would not break him.

So, when he entered the chapel behind Fhedré, he steeled himself, walking upright and with his gaze proud. He might loose some control over himself, but for now he still had it. For now he would not be intimidated, not even seeing how those benches were now filled with people.

Truescar Githan came towards them. “There you are, Pain Bearer.”

“There I am,” he just said. “Now… Release Kantei. Let her simply go.”

The priestess gave a sigh, raising her hand to caress his cheek. “I had hoped you would still do this for the right reasons.”

“Well, it was not as if you let me.”

“Blame her. She had to interfere.”

“You mean…” Did she know about the other goddess? Had she known all along?

Now the Truescar turned her back on him, nodding over to two other priests. Two priests, who were holding a still blindfolded, and still very much sobbing Kantei, who had not even been healed.

They removed her binds – as well as her blindfold, making her gasp, as the light came so suddenly to her eyes. She whimpered, wrapping her arms around herself.

Oh, what Tav would’ve done to go over to her and hug her. To heal her. But right now, he couldn’t. All he could do, was to look at Fhedré. “Please, help her.”

“But right now…” Fhedré started to argue, before realizing the gaze in Tav’s eyes. Then he took a deep breath and nodded. “She will be alright. I swear.” And while he clearly hated to do it, he gave the leash to the Truescar, before himself going over to Kantei.

The Truescar smiled, tugging on the leash, to lead Tav to that open space in the middle of the chapel.

“Our Maiden of Pain has been good to us,” she said. “She has given us yet another Pain Bearer to receive her blessings from our hands.”

Tav looked over to Kantei, who only now saw him. He could see the shock in her eyes, as those eyes widened.

“Tav,” he could barely hear her whisper. She tried to get up, but Fhedré held her back. “Tav!” she now yelled – while Tav simply shook his head.

It would only be a few hours. He would be able to get through this.

He listened to the frivolous words of the priestess, while his eyes were pinned on Fhedré and Kantei. He wished Fhedré was on his side now, but he could not let Kantei go unhealed like this. She was so clearly weak. And how horrible she had to feel right now, being surrounded by so many, while still completely naked. Other than him, she had always been more anxious about showing of her body – no matter how pretty she was.

When the priestess draped the blindfold over his eyes, he gasped, as he had not been prepared. Especially as it once more took his hearing as well. Yet, he just allowed himself to lean into it.

He would not fight back. This would be over sooner or later.

As such, he also just allowed it, when he was pulled once more. He allowed it, when the whip – the bladed whip of Loviatar – cut open his back first, then his chest. He did not even flinch, when they once more pierced his nipples, then his clit as well. And he just went with it, when he was made to lean back.

That rounded wooden piece he had no name for. He was stretched over it, he understood. The rounded wood pressed into his back, while his head was pulled down and his arms were bound against the wood beneath it. His hips ended up being pushed up as well, with his legs spread. Of course. Because he knew what would happen.

He tried to keep his breathing easy. Because so far… So far his mind was far from the right state to just let himself get taken over by the scene. So far, he was mostly worried about Kantei, and what they might do to her, if he did something wrong. Not that there was a lot that he could do wrong.

A part of him wished, they had not taken his senses right now. Just because he wanted to make sure that she was alright. And he also wanted to know, who it had been, whipping him. Because he was fairly certain that it had not been Fhedré. He just knew the way Fhedré whipped him, and this had been different. It had been so different. Probably because Fhedré had still been healing Kantei.

Yet, that was a real fear inside of Tav. That someone else would be the one to scar him. That someone else would do all of this to him now. It should not make a difference, but at least when it was Fhedré, it would be someone he loved, someone he trusted.

He was not expecting the sword, when it came. When the blade buried itself through his stomach, through his entire body, until it pierced the wood underneath.

He screamed. Because, well… This was quite different then just a needle piercing him. The blade was… It was not easy to say, how large it was. It felt giant, as it cut through his organs, through his innards. He could feel the blood come out of the wound, could feel it down over his torso, as he was trembling now.

And it was not the only thing. As he could feel the enchantment on the weapon, too. It was as if tiny little things grabbed out of the weapon, pulling on his flesh, trying to tear him apart. What was it? Some sort of poison or necrotic damage?

He whimpered. While he did not hear himself, he knew he did. Instinctively he wanted to pull up his arms to try and get the sword out of himself – only that he could not. He was tied down. He was tied down and he would stay in this position for quite a long time. With no escape. No escape at all.

Desperately, he tried to breathe, to get his voice back under control. Screaming would not make things better or easier. Even if it felt like it. No, screaming would only hinder his breathing some more – and in the end it would make things harder.

Someone pulled on the hook piercing his clit. A strong pull. One that hurt, even though it barely was able to be noticed over the pain of the blade impaling him.

He writhed against his binds some more, just for the edge of the blade to cut even deeper into his flesh, making the pain even clearer.

And whoever was between his legs right now, they pushed their hand into him, while still keeping hold of the hook, still pulling it. And yet, they managed to push in the entire hand – maybe just because it was almost an automatism of his to relax into it.

Right now, he could not say, what kind of noises he was making. But he was making some noises, as the hand inside of him started to move, started to tease him. To push him further into the pleasure, he realized, but without the pain letting off. Whoever was doing this, was trying him to drop into this state of mind. The state, that would make this a lot more bearable, but also would rob him of further control.

A part of him wanted it. Because he did not know how long he could take this pain. The pain of the lashes, of the piercings… That he could deal with. But he could not go with this sword inside of him for multiple hours.

He just did not want to lose control.

He gasped, and probably also whimpered, moving his head back and forth. But that hand was further pushing into him, and it least his cunt knew how to react. Maybe it had learned even independently of his mind how to find this pleasure. Maybe it was his body, that was working against him. He didn’t know. But he noticed how the tingling started to spread in his crotch, started to take over. While tears were now soaking into the blindfold, the fingers seemed to caress his insides, seemed to find those soft weak points.

The pain was cutting into him, making it feel almost as if the sword was not splitting his stomach, but his mind, and yet his hips started to move against that hand. Only to deepen the pain. But they did, working with that hand from nowhere. He probably groaned, or moaned. Maybe he sobbed, too. He was not sure. But in the end he could no longer fight it. In the end this state just overtook him, as the pain and the pleasure once more weaved into something new. Something just shifted inside of him.

It still felt, as if that sword was eating him up. It was eating through him, the pain burning and all-intaking. And at the same time…

He shuddered, as the orgasm just came out of nowhere, leaving his legs twitching, and some more blood pushing out of his wound.

Whoever was working with him seemed to be content. They pulled out their hand and let go of the hook – and for just a short while, Tav was left alone. He knew it would not last, yet, it still came suddenly, when someone touched is head. He had barely time to prepare himself, when his jaw was forced apart to push a cock into his mouth.

He took it. Because he knew better than to resist. He simply took it, opening his mouth to suck the cock. He tried to focus on it, tried to make it as good as his position allowed, while his mind focused on the humiliation – on being used.

Then there was someone else between his legs. And another cock. Another cock to push into him once more. Someone was holding onto his hips, as they thrusted into him, the person using his mouth started to thrust as well. Deeper into him. Deeper. Making Tav retch, while he could feel once again more blood running over his body. He still kept it up. He tried to make this good. Because at least it gave him something to focus onto.

The person using his mouth came first, their cum dripping out of his mouth and over his face. Then they slapped him, before he was left by them, just for the other person to continue their rhythm. But even they came in due time.

But of course it would not be over just like this. The chapel had been full. And he had been told before, that once he was encased in the pain, he would be used, as the humiliation was just a different way of experiencing the pain. And so, he just gave himself over to it.

Another cock. Another one. His mouth. His cunt. After a while, someone pushed their fingers into his ass, then a cock followed. Not soon after, someone – maybe the same person – had the great idea to push a dildo into his ass. Not even a small one. But it remained there, as others were using his cunt, and using it again.

At some point, strong hands ran over Tav’s chest. A soft, comforting gesture. Was it Fhedré? It almost felt like it, as he could feel the warmth of a healing spell seep into him a moment later. It made the pain just a bit more easy to handle – though it did not remove the sword, or the enchantment on it. At least it made some of the other pain go away.

But after that, the next persons came. A cock. Some fingers. Pushing into him. Deeper. Deeper.

Already those juices were running over his face, and down the insides of his legs. He could feel it. Oh, he could feel it. But they kept coming for him.

In his position, he assumed, that most women would not be able to make proper use of him. At least not those born with a cunt. So yes, obviously it was more cocks. Though he assumed that some of the hands pushing into his holes from time to time, belonged people who had no cock to use him with.

Someone cut his chest now. Someone cut into him. And someone pulled on the hooks piercing Tav’s nipples, until he was sure the skin and tissue would give out. It didn’t though. It didn’t.

Then something hit him between the legs. Hit him again. A belt, he thought. Though it did not matter. It was just further pain. Some more further pain, but another pain he could endure – he could even enjoy. Or at least his body enjoyed it. As impact after impact rained down on him, he was moving his hips once more, was leaning into it. Further and further, hurting even more given that his clit was still pierced. And yet… In the end another orgasm came – and after that something else was pushed into him. Something metal. And once more he found himself stretched out, while once more someone came to use his mouth for their own satisfaction.

The pain of the sword became stronger once more. And he could feel the blood. He could feel the blood running over his body. A part of him wondered, whether he would bleed out – or at least faint from the bloodloss. Yet, he could not do anything about it. Just trust into Fhedré. Into Fhedré keeping him safe.

The metal thing stretching his cunt started to heat – maybe from a spell, and this pain was once more enough to make him writhe and go against his binds. But once more there was no way for him to escape. No way for him to get away. He felt himself burn, and yet, he just could endure, while once more someone pushed a cock into his mouth, starting to thrust.

Tav’s body was twitching, when they pulled the metal thing out. And he should’ve seen it coming. As his cunt was still screaming in pain, someone pushed into it as well, to make good use. Because this was what it was, right? A celebration of pain. Of his pain.

A part of him wished, that he could just flee into unconsciousness. Especially right now. The fucking cock inside of him felt, as if it was ripping his cunt apart. And the blade sticking in his chest was literally doing just that. Ripping into him. Ripping and ripping further. Ripping…

He could not do a thing about it. He could not do a thing.

But if he fled into the unconsciousness… He was not sure whether it would be good. Because he was not sure, how long he needed to hold out. And if he failed… Oh, if he failed… What would happen to Kantei?

Chapter 42: Loviatar's Caress

Summary:

Tav awakes to find himself in the presence of the goddess herself.

The silence came suddenly, and made Tav wonder, what in the hells was going on. While his body was still screaming in so many different voices of pain, nobody was touching him. Nobody was using him either. He was just lying there, blood running over his body, yes, but no movement. He even was allowed to find the rhythm to breathe once again.

He did not know how long that time lasted. But he jerked, as suddenly, someone touched his knee. It was a hand gliding over his thigh now, over his left side, up to his cheek. He could somewhat sense the person moving around him. Then two full lips pressed again his own, before a tongue darted out, licking some of those juices from his face.

The hand glid underneath the blindfold, before taking it off.

Tav gasped, as his senses came back to him. It was still so very silent because… He realized they were alone. He and this woman. Oh, this woman that he knew.

Again she kissed him, her kiss greedy. She bit his lips, until they were bleeding, licking of the blood as well, a smile on her lips.

“Why…” Tav needed a moment to properly find his voice. “Why are you here? Where is… everyone?” Kantei? Fhedré?

“From time to time, I do take the things offered to me,” she said. “And you offered yourself, didn’t you? You offered yourself to me, two times on your own accord already – and this time to safe that girl, right?”

He could only look at her from below, given he was still tied down. “What are you going to do with me?”

“That depends on what you will do, Tav.” Loviatar smiled. It was with a simple snap of her fingers, that his binds disappeared, allowing him to move his arms again. “Pull out that sword.”

“What?”

“The sword. Pull it out. Free yourself,” she said. “I will reward you, if you do.” Once more her lips met his, before she leaned forward to whisper into his ears. “I will punish you, if you don’t.”

A whimper came over Tav’s lips, as he raised his arms. They barely could reach the hilt of the sword, let alone get enough strength to pull on it. But he gripped it, trying to pull, just to sink back with a deep pained groan. The little movement of his torso hurt. It made his body just glide along the blade a bit further and he… He could not do it. Already it was hurting too much. Especially as the rest of his body was almost as if it was being held together by pain.

He looked at the goddess. She was not in Amira’s body right now, but the body she was presenting with was not that unlike it. Her skin was in a bronze tone, her hair was dark and thick, flowing over her shoulders like a shadow. There were piercings in her skin, while her body was barely covered with clothes at all.

“Does it hurt?” she purred, some amusement in her voice.

“It does,” he whispered.

“And you do not like the pain?” She caressed his cheeks.

“Not right now. Not… Not this pain.”

“Then see it as a challenge.” Another soft kiss. “You are a bit dumb, but I am sure you can figure it out, can’t you? What you need to do.”

He knew. The truth was, that he knew. He needed to sit up just a bit, move his body along the blade, to get a better angle to pull it out. He knew that. Just that he also knew it would hurt quite a bit.

Sweat was running over his forehead, as he took a deep breath. He grabbed the hilt again, using it to pull himself up. A scream came over his lips, as he tried to breath against the pain. A long, drawn out scream. And yet… He managed. While the blade cut further on his body, with more blood pouring out of him, he managed to somehow shift his position, sitting up.

The issue was, that the tip of the blade was lodged into the wood beneath him. So while more and more blood was pouring out of his wound, he tried to get it loose. Shaking it. Moving it. Prodding it. He was whimpering, screaming, and yet… It came loose. Maybe a bit too quickly. He cut himself even deeper as he pulled it out.

Then suddenly, the hold it had given him was gone. He rolled of the wooden instrument he had been chained to. With a clank the sword ended up on the ground, while his own body made a noise more akin to a wet piece of clothing.

He whimpered, as he laid there, rolling onto his side, while Loviatar crouched down next to him.

“See,” she whispered, caressing his head. “I knew you could do this. Such a good boy you are. Such a good boy.”

While the blood was pooling underneath him, he could feel her healing magic seep into it. It was nothing like being healed by Fhedré or Kantei. There was nothing gentle about it. Rather it felt as if his body was forced to pull itself together, the effect itself painful as well. He groaned and trembled, but in the end.

“There. Get up, Tav.”

He was shaking still, as she stood up, softly rolling him onto his back with her foot.

“I said, get up.”

For a moment, he looked at her, but he knew that he could not go against the direct command of a goddess, could he now?

So, he pulled himself together. He took a deep breath, before forcing himself onto his knees first, then up onto his feet.

She smiled, as he stood there, even though he was still shaking. “Good boy.”

She caressed his cheek again, before running her fingers down to his chest.

“Was the healing the reward?” he dared to ask.

“Oh no, Tav. I am not that cheap,” she said with an almost shocked tone. Shocked, that he could think that of her. “No. No. Your reward is going to be much better. I will make you mine.”

“What?” he asked.

“I will make you mine,” she repeated. “Don’t look afraid.” Her lips brushed against his once more. “I am not going to be evil about it. I will rather give you all those things you deeply desire. I will give it to you all.”

“Why?”

“Because in the end you will make a choice. The choice whether you want me, or her.” She smiled. “I mean, you still don’t know who she is, right?”

Tav hesitated, not daring to answer the truth.

It made Loviatar chuckle. “Oh, she is so bad at communicating. And you? Well, you are just a bit dumb, aren’t you?”

“I know that I am not… the most educated,” he whispered.

“But you are,” she purred. “Your education was just a bit more special.” She took a step away from him, snapping her fingers again to remove the hooks from his body. “We are going to make you pretty first.” From out of nowhere, she summoned what seemed to be a simple wet cloth. “Stay like that, boy.”

One should think it might be an honor to be washed by a goddess – but Loviatar made sure for him to know his place. Her touch was rough and painful, and there probably was a good reason why she was cleaning him like this, rather than letting him clean himself or whisking the dirt away with some sort of magic. His skin was burning rather quickly, was painful by the time she had finished. Though he noted that rather than soaking up the blood and gunk, the cloth she was cleaning him with seemed to erase it.

“Good boy. Now let me see.” She gripped into his crotch, her fingers closing around his clit. She did not need the incantation or anything. Under her touch, it started to swell, her fingers easily forming it into the cock he kinda knew. Just even a bit bigger – and maybe a bit more sensitive.

“There,” she purred, as she ran her fingers along his length now. “You know, I could even give you proper balls. Like a real cock and real balls. Would you like that?” She kept rubbing him, while once more whispering into his ears. “I could then properly crush your balls, you know? I do kinda like doing that, and I wonder how you would react to it.”

He did not even notice, that he was keeping his hands behind his back. Almost as if he was still tied. He wasn’t. He just knew his place. He knew what she wanted from him. And part of that was to have him helpless.

After a while, he shivered. He leaned a bit forward, whimpering, as he could feel the tingling start inside of him. He moaned, as the feeling started to take over. And what a feeling it was.

“Look at me,” she purred, and he did. Looking into those golden eyes, as he came.

“You like your cunt, don’t you?” she whispered, as he was standing in front of her, swaying. “Despite everything you do.”

“I do.” He took a shaky breath. “I actually do.”

She looked him into the eyes and her gaze was so intensive. “Oh, I can see it.” Her smile was mischievous. “Oh, I like you. You are a wild one, aren’t you?” With soft touch she still caressed his cheek. “When I am done with you, you are going to beg. And you are going to beg for more. Because that is just the kind of man you are.”

Again she moved her fingers, and things simply appeared. Needles. Pretty golden needles, that she now drove through his cock as he whimpered. Yet with every needle, his body did shiver in pleasure as well. Because there was something about the way she put each of them in. Something about how she just knew to find the best spots.

Through the tip of his cock, she drove a ring, that magically closed up – and through it she put a chain, just like Fhedré had done this one time. But there were more needles. For his nipples, and for the skin on his chest. She was working quickly, but deliberately, and even here, each needle filled him with some new pleasure.

“Just look how desperate you are already.” She took the chain hanging from his cock, pulling on it, before once more running her fingers along the sensitive flesh. She teased him in a way nobody had teased him in this situation – and it worked, as he came again, liquid splashing out of his cunt. “Oh. You squirted this time. You do really like me, don’t you?”

“I don’t know,” he breathed. “I don’t… I don’t know what to think about you. And what about everything was your fault, and…”

“There is your mistake, Tav. You think. Don’t. Just enjoy.” She tucked the chain. “Come along.”

He did. While his legs were already wet and shaky again, he followed the goddess, as she led him to the exit of the empty chapel, opening the door so easily. It was not surprising that rather than the crystal lit wide corridor of the temple, he found something much narrower on the other side. A rather dark corridor lit by torches.

She tucked the chain again. “Does this turn you on?”

“What?” he asked.

“You heard me. Does this turn you on? Being led around by your cock, I mean?”

His instinct was to lie, but he knew better. “Yes. It does.”

“Then you should enjoy this. Oh, you should enjoy all the things I will do to you.” With those words she led him along, until they came into another room. A wide, open room – a pole standing right in the middle of it. A pole on which two dildos were already mounted in the height of Tav’s hip, both of them dripping with a strange greenish liquid.

Loviatar allowed him to take it in for a moment, before pulling him towards the pole. “You do know what to do, don’t you?”

“I do.”

“Can you do it?”

He took a deep breath. “I can.” Because he knew he could. This, too, was something he had some experience it, tiptoeing as he went backwards to get into a proper position. It took him two or three minutes, but in the end he managed to slide both of the dildos into himself – filling up both cunt and ass at once.

He could not help but whimper, as he did, while Loviatar smiled. “Oh, you are delicious.” Once more it was a simple snap of her fingers that pulled up his legs to tie them up, that pulled up his arms behind him, too.

He groaned, as suddenly part of his weight was hanging from those two dildos, and he could barely move.

His body was hanging low now. It was almost hanging forward, with his hands pulled up and held by the pole behind him. And those dildos were not exactly small. They were filling him out quite well, just as with another snap, a little weight appeared to hang from the ring in his cock.

“You look pretty like this.” Loviatar went to his head to caress him. “Like a good little fuck toy, don’t you?”

Another shaky breath came over his lips, as he tried to think clearly, but couldn’t. “Yes.” That word he whispered looking at her. “Yes.”

“Tell me, Tav. Can you work a cunt as well as you can a cock?”

“I think I can, yes,” he breathed. “I… I know how to work most… things.”

She patted his cheek. “I thought so.” The bit of clothing she was wearing whisked away like a cloud in the wind. She suddenly had something like a chair to sit on, while his upper body was lowered just a bit so he could reach her cunt. “Be a good boy.”

And he was. Of course he was.

It was kind of strange, that she had just a normal cunt, though he did not know what he might have expected.

She grabbed into his right now braided hair, pressing his face against it. There were piercings here, too, though he knew how to work with that was well. Knowing his place quite well, he ran his tongue along her folds, starting by pushing into her a bit, just to get a reaction – though she would not oblige. Then he went to her clit, twisted his tongue around the ring piercing in this to tease her. Then he sucked, and licked, and sucked and licked just a bit more.

“Oh, you are cheeky,” she whispered, as he put some attention at her cunt once more, not letting her quite get to the climax. “Do you know who you are playing with?”

“Mmhmm,” was his only reply.

“Oh, you cheeky man.” She seemed to consider this, before moving her hand once more.

He did not see what happened, but he realized it as some wax dropped onto his back, making him twitch.

“Continue,” she whispered. “And be good.”

He did. He tried to be good. He licked her, and sucked her, and used his lips to further entice her. While from time to time, she summoned another candle, making him wonder whether those simply floated over his back now. But they kept dripping the wax. Bit by bit they were dripping on him.

In the end, she gave a content hum. “Yes.” She buried her fingers in his hair to pull up his head. “You do definitely know what you are doing.”

He whimpered in return. He whimpered partly, because by now he was quite aware that those dildos were both leaking liquids into him. Though while those pushing into his cunt were dripping out of him, those in his ass started to fill up his intestines once more. That little bit of sanity he still kept in his mind knew also, that it was once again aphrodisiacs filling him up, making his body less his and more a tool for her to use.

“And that is what you want,” she purred. “You want to be used. It makes you feel good, doesn’t it?”

“I…” He tried to answer. He really tried. “Yeah. Yeah, it does.”

“See?” She was smiling now. “Do you want to continue to pleasure me?”

“Yes…” He was not sure if it was really what he wanted, but this part of him in control now? Oh that part wanted it so much.

“That should be: ‘Yes, my Goddess’ for you.”

He nodded slowly. “Yes, my Goddess. Yes. Anything.”

“See? You are already becoming mine.” Again she pushed his face against her cunt, waiting for him to start licking her again. Though as he did this time, something else happened. Something grabbed his cock, not caring for how painful it was.

Tav gasped at this, but the goddess made sure to keep his head down and pressed against her.

“Be good,” she reminded him. “Just be good. Be a good boy.”

“I am,” he managed, though he whimpered, as the thing continued. It started rubbing him despite the fresh piercings. It hurt. Oh, it hurt so much. Though it was not necessarily an unwelcome kind of pain. Again he whimpered. But he did not even try to escape his binds.

Whether it had been his choice or not, he was serving a goddess right now. And he would do his best to be to her liking. What else could one do while being grasped by a goddess like this? No, he would serve her. He would serve her good. Even as that strangely wet thing kept teasing him, making his mind go more and more blank.

His stomach already started bulging just a bit. But it was good. It was good. He was feeling good. And he would do good. Oh, he would be so good.

“That’s it, my sweet boy,” she purred. “That’s it. Just let go.”

He whimpered, as he came again, and yet the thing would not let of him. He twitched from time to time, when an especially big drop of wax ended up on his back. But he focused on the goddess more than anything. On pleasing her. On making sure she understood, that he did in fact know how to serve her.

He knew he made her cum again. He knew it from her smile. And he knew he would serve her some more. He would serve her, until she said it was enough.

Best of all was, though, that she did not neglect him, while he was serving her. That thing she had summoned, was at once torturing and teasing him, was making him writhe with pain and pleasure. The two sensations were simply filling him up, as he was hanging there. Pain, pleasure, and this simple need to serve her. Oh, he wanted to serve her so badly.

He did not know how long they were doing this. It felt like an eternity, but it might just have been, what? An hour, maybe. But in the end, she once more pushed her fingers into his hair, pulling his head up. “There we are.” Her voice was soft. “How are you feeling?”

He shivered. “Good,” he whispered. “I am feeling so good.”

“I thought so. Oh, you are one sweet man. You are like wax under my fingers, aren’t you?”

“Yes,” he breathed. “I am. I am yours.”

“Oh. Sweet thing.” She got up from that chair she had summoned – but she did not let go of his hair. “Do you want to play some more?”

“Yeah. I do. I do.”

“Then be honest with me. What do you want right now?”

He was not really thinking. He just was going off a hunch. “Cock. I want a cock.”

She laughed at this. “Oh, you are so desperate. So desperate, you sweet thing.” But she looked around, making him look that way too. There was one of her demons, the same kind he had seen in the temple. It was naked – apart from the cloth keeping its monstrous face hidden. Its big cock was standing in front of him almost like a sword. “Like this?”

Tav nodded. “Yes. Like that. Like that.”

“You are fun,” she whispered, as the demon now came towards him.

And Tav willingly opened his mouth to take in the demon’s cock.

Notes:

For once getting around to updating this fic. x.x

Chapter 43: Monstrous

Summary:

Loviatar presents Tav with a challenge.

Notes:

Warning for this chapter: A lot of monsterfucking!

Tav was full. He was filled up. He was filled up good. There was a cock in each of his holes, as he kept moving his body almost in trance. He felt good, having long reached the state where the pain did not even feel real any longer. It was simple blind pleasure filling his body right now. Simple pleasure.

He arched his back once more, as he was shaken by another climax. Yet he did not stop the movement of his hips for long, knowing to not leave those demons waiting. Oh, they were brutal, yet they were easily controlled in the end. Groaning and gnawing with their own pleasure, as they were pushing into him, yet allowing him some control over this. Oh yes, he was still having some control.

He knew the goddess was watching him, was walking around them and watching, her golden eyes shimmering with hunger.

“You are being quite amazing,” she whispered. “Tav.”

The demons retreated, after climaxing once again, leaving him sitting there. His stomach was still bulging, though he knew better than to allow himself to empty out without her explicitly allowing him to.

He could not stop the demon cum from running out of his cunt, though.

“See? You just do not really break,” she said, coming over to caress him once more. “You bend. Right now your mind is mostly gone, but you still find a way to just go with it. To go with the flow, and let it take you. You enjoy this, don’t you?”

He swallowed, but nodded. “Yeah.”

“Wouldn’t it be easier, if you just stayed with me?” she asked. “You would be safe. And you would experience so much pleasure. That would be nice, right?”

Tav looked at her, trying to get himself to think. To think clearly. Something inside of him still did not quite want to agree – with most of his self right now wanted to beg her to take him now. His back was still stiff with hardened wax, even though it had broken in some places through his movement. The pain of the needles piercing his body was too mixed with the sensation of pleasure filling him up.

Yet, there was a single thought that made it to the forefront of his mind. “Tei… Fhedré… I… I want to be with them.”

“I could take them here, too,” Loviatar offered. “Oh, dear Fhedré would love that, wouldn’t he?”

“But Tei… Kantei would not like it. She would not like it,” Tav muttered.

“Because she just doesn’t get it, does she?” the goddess replied.

He whimpered as another pleasurable shiver ran through his body. “She does not have… She does not have to get it.”

“Even though she is the intelligent one, isn’t she?”

Tav managed to hold her gaze, but he felt horrible while doing it. Because she might be right. It was just… He did not want that moment down there in the chapel to be the last time he saw Kantei. “Do you want me, because I am another god’s chosen, or because… of me?” he dared to ask.

“Oh, sweetheart.” She crouched down in front of him, as he was kneeling there on the ground. “I first noticed you, because you were someone else’s chosen. Yes. There was just this deliciousness in it. But it was your gaul that I started to like. And how you kept chasing the bliss. How you challenged me, too. I mean, taking the trial within your first tenday?”

He tried to think once again. “Did you… Did you do something during the trial? So I… I could take it?”

“No, that is the amazing thing. That was all you. You and your stubborn little head.” She grinned at him.

Slowly he was breathing. In and out. Trying to make sense of what was in his mind. “The… The other goddess, who is she?”

Loviatar laughed. “Where would be the fun if I told you.” She caressed his cheek once more. “She is one of the gods you have prayed to before. Which makes the fact that you do not recognize her even more funny.”

He did not know what to say to this.

“But remember what she said. She did stop contacting you, because ended up becoming a hero either way. And do you really want to be a hero for the rest of your life?”

“I…” He stopped. He did not know that either. But he did know that he had enjoyed it. Being out there to save people and do the right thing.

“Come, get up, my good boy,” Loviatar said. “I want to show you something else.”

And Tav got up. Once more he had been unbound, though his legs were extremely shaky, and his stomach felt as if it was bursting now. He managed still. He was staggering, as he followed her – with her once more taking that chain to yank him along.

It was almost as if he was sleep walking. Following her, with his legs wet was they were, and his mind still in the rush of pleasure and the simple potion.

A door opened. Another dark corridor followed. Then another hall. A big one. Real big. And filled with creatures.

Loviatar stopped, stepping behind Tav now to caress his shoulders. “See? I do know your desires. Because they just happen to be mine as well.” She chuckled. “Well, it is my desire to see you ravaged by them – not to be in your position. But oh, watching you is going to be nice. And you want that, right? That is what you want.”

Once more there was this instinct to lie. What he saw did make little sense. He could see all sorts of creatures. A displacer beast, some sort of worm, a creature that was probably a mimic, a variety of what he had to assume were demons, a minotaur, a centaur, and even a grown red dragon.

“Admit it,” the goddess whispered. “You want this.”

He took a shaky breath. “I do.”

She smiled. “See, you are honest. Now come.” She took up that chain again to pull him into the hall, further and further until they reached a central spot, where two pillars were standing, chains attached to them.

“I will be tied?”

“Oh yes. They should get their way with you, shouldn’t they? After all, you deserve to be used like a good toy.”

He whimpered at those words, and yet so willingly gave his hands to be tied up – one to the right pillar, one to the left. The chains forced him to lean forward a bit, as he hung there, knowing already this would get uncomfortable rather quick.

Again she caressed his cheek, before kissing him once more. “Oh, this is going to be beautiful.” She patted him now. “You are allowed to empty yourself, you know?”

“Right… now?” he asked.

“Yeah, right now. Come on. You are going to burst otherwise, aren’t you?”

He shivered. Of course she was right, it was just…

“I know it is humiliating,” she whispered. “That is the point. Humiliation is a kind of pain as well, don’t you think?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I guess it is.” He just allowed it to happen. His intestines were mostly filled with potion and cum, that now so warmly ran down on his legs as he shivered. He could not even stop his bladder from emptying it as well, his face burning as it happened.

“There. Good boy,” Loviatar praised.  “And don’t look at me like this. You need to be taught good manners, as my toy.”

She took a step back, while hooves came closer to him now. Cow hooves. The minotaur. At least it was not really bigger than those demons, though Tav still groaned as it did not hesitate to push into his ass.

He looked at the goddess, while the creature started thrusting into him violently. “Are they real?” he whispered.

And she only smiled. “Oh, where would be the fun if I told you that?”

Her gaze was full of hunger, as she watched that minotaur take Tav. The creature did not hold back as it thrusted into him. Hard, and quick, and painful – and yet getting Tav to whimper and shiver as it did. Tav knew he was loosing the control once again, as he started to moan and squirm. He could not change it. The pleasure was overtaking him once more, even though he should already be sore from the amount of times he had been fucked by those demons alone. And yet…

“Your face, when you give into it is really sweet,” Loviatar said, as the minotaur pulled out. “Do you want to be ravaged by a mindless beast?”

He was just trying to get his breath under control – and to keep his legs standing. They were trembling so much.

“Of course you want to.” She clapped her hands, and one moment later a hiss was heard.

The displacer beast circled him, before jumping up on him, mounting him as it would a mate.

He whimpered, when sharp claws dug into his back, yet, he managed to endure, groaning a moment later, when this beast, too, started to thrust.

His eyes met Loviatar’s once again, and she just smiled so contently. She took a few step back and fell into a throne that had not been there a moment earlier. Or no, not a throne. It was three people, chained together. All three of them shivering with a mixture of pain and pleasure.

And Tav was not much different, was he? His own noises sounded almost as animalistic as the sounds the beast was making as it was mating with him. He was twitching and squirming and yet, he could not help to cum again. Even with this fucking beast.

While Loviatar watched, the thing coming up next to him was a chimerae, then there was what he could just assume the tongue of a mimic pushing into him so deep, that it felt he would rip as well, and after that it was the centaur mounting him, as if there was any sense in that.

After that, his legs finally gave up. With his arms hanging over him, he was kneeling there between the pillars, shaking.

“Do you give up already?” Loviatar asked.

“No.” Tav did not even know why he said that, as he sat there on the ground. “No. I just… I need a quick break. A short break.”

This answer got her to giggle as well. “That’s my boy. Mind if I amuse myself?”

He kinda understood, but he just sighed. “Sure.” Then he watched, while she walked around him, summoning her whip. He did not even make a noise, as she started whipping him. Because right now he was almost incapable of feeling the pain. It just was a strange part of his body right now, even though he could sense the blood running over his back.

“Ah, yes.” She came up to grip him by the braid again. “This is your natural state, is it not?”

“Yes,” he whimpered. “It is.”

“Can you stand again?”

“I don’t know.”

“Try it,” she instructed, and he simply did. Putting one leg up, then the other, before breathing in tensely, as leaning forward with his back now bleeding was a lot harder then before.

“Such a good boy.” She praised him in the same tone as one would praise a puppy, while he just tried to keep standing.

“Let’s continue,” she said, returning to her throne.

And they did. Not that Tav had much of a choice – but even if he had, he would have chosen it. He was honest. He would have chosen this. He trembled, he squirmed, he moaned, and at times he even screamed, as more creatures were coming for him. Several demons, all of varying shapes and sized. That worm thing, that definitely was not supposed to be even near him like this. Another creature he had not even seen before. And yet, somehow this felt amazing too. It was wrong. He knew it was. But it felt amazing. It hurt, but it was amazing.

Sweat was dripping from his brow while his legs were shaking once more. He felt as if he was losing his mind right now – but in a good way. In a very good way.

He knew quite well, that the goddess was reading his thoughts. And maybe that was, why she was laughing. “You really are something, Tav. But it’s why I want you. I think I will have a lot of fun experimenting with you.”

“Experimenting?”

“Yes. Your body has some strange quirks I will love to explore for a while,” she said. “Yeah, that is going to be fun.” She did not get up, though she managed to change the place once more, summoning a stone beneath him for him to kneel on, while keeping his hip still up like this. “Are you ready for the main event?”

Tav knew quite well what it was, and yet he nodded. With his hands he gripped the chains he was bound to, holding onto them, as the dragon moved behind him. Tav was not even sure whether this was going to work in this position and yet… He focused on his breath, he focused to keep calm, and when the dragon held itself up on those pillars and just weirdly easily glid into him, even though the size of that dragon dick was enough to make Tav howl, as his fingers clasped even stronger for those chains.

“Do you like this?” Loviatar asked, while the dragon paused for a moment, his entire length pushing into Tav – and somehow not killing him.

“Yeah…” Tav shivered. “Yes.” He howled again, as the dragon started thrusting. This, too, was wrong. It was so wrong, and yet… It felt good. So good. Painful, but pleasurable. It should not be. This should be just frightening. And yet… It was none of that. And it did not make sense.

She kept telling him he was not broken, but if he was not broken, how could he enjoy something as sick as this? How could he be groaning with pleasure, as it felt as if he should rip apart any minute? How could it be that he climaxed so quickly even though those twitches of his muscles made the pain just worse.

Other than before, he could even see his stomach bulging with the size of the cock pushing into it. And it looked wrong, it looked so wrong… He knew it. He knew. And yet…

He whined, as those quakes taking his body would not stop. His knuckles were white as he kept holding onto the chains. It was too much, only that it wasn’t. It was just right. Because this was just… It was crazy. He knew it was. And yet…

The dragon lasted quite a while. It lasted quite a long while. And even when it finished, it did not just pull out. It waited.

Tav was lying there underneath it, panting, and still groaning. His body was definitely hurting, even though it did not feel like it. He knew, he just couldn’t feel it.

“You are quite tasty, do you know that?” Loviatar whispered, as she came up to him. Once more she caressed him so softly, as he just leaned his head into the touch, allowing her to almost scratch him like you would a pet. “There we are. There we are. This is your place, isn’t it?”

“Uhum. Uhum. Yeah.” He tried to keep his breath slow. “It is my place, goddess.”

“So, Tav. As you finally see it. What do you say? You can stay with me. And I swear, I will keep you safe. I will torture you, of course, and do all those delicious experiments with you. But you will love each and every minute of it. I can even give you some powers. Make you a real Pain Bearer for example. And some other things you would enjoy. I reckon you would like some real shape changing abilities, right?”

He whimpered, moving his hip just a bit. “You… You want to talk about this, while I am… While there is fucking dragon inside of me?”

She gave him a sweet smile. “What better position is there for you to have this talk? Reminding you just of how good you can feel like this. And you do feel good, right?”

“I do,” he whispered. “I feel good.”

“See?”

He finally let go of those chains, even though his wrists were still bound up. Even without him struggling much, the chains on his wrists had burned the skin underneath, had left it bloody and raw, even though he did not feel much of that right now.

He took a shaky breath.

Think. He had to try and think. Even though it was hard. Especially like this. Especially with the dragon still mounting him. Gods, it was so hard. It was so hard. And really, he did not want anything more than to just give in.

Because as messed up, as it was. He knew he could enjoy this. He could enjoy giving himself up to her. It would be horrifying in one way, but… He would no longer be hurting. He would no longer have any nightmares. She would take it all from him, wouldn’t she?

“You would not even need to remember all of those things that happened,” she promised. “I can take away that pain and give you another one, a much sweeter pain.”

Wouldn’t that be nice?

But why did she actually want him to agree with it? Wasn’t she a goddess? Couldn’t she just take him? She should be able to, right? And in the end, that other goddess had simply made him a chosen without him knowing anything of it. So why wouldn’t Loviatar? Or was it, that she couldn’t?

He groaned, as he tried to look up a bit further, just to get a better look at her face.

“You don’t want to ask that question, boy. Believe me.”

“Why not?”

“Because it is not an appropriate question to ask of a goddess,” she said. “Have you never learned that?”

He paused, then frowned. “So… You really do want me mostly out of principle, don’t you? To get at that other goddess. Can you even take me without my consent?”

“Oh, believe me,” she whispered. “I could do quite a few things without your consent. But it would not be half as interesting.”

“And it would not be… the same. As getting me to agree, right?”

She rolled her eyes. “I think you need another ride.”

Once more the dragon started thrusting into Tav, and once more all he could do was hold on, endure. It was more an endurance of the pleasure, that made his entire body so extremely tingly, than it was endurance of the pain. The pain he could deal with. The pleasure was slowly getting too much. Or maybe it was just shifting back into pain.

He groaned, he even screamed, he whined, as the dragon kept on thrusting into him. It felt like forever, while Tav’s entire body was shaking, and his mind was once more trying to just give in. Because it did feel good in the end. It did feel good.

It was just…

This was… It was the easy way out, wasn’t it? Which was ironic. But… Yeah, becoming Loviatar’s slave, her plaything, it would be the easy way. He would no longer need to think, would no longer really need to fight. Because as crazy as it was to trust the Goddess of Pain, he knew she wouldn’t kill him – and the pain he did not fear in the end. No matter why he had stopped fearing it. But no, she wouldn’t kill him. She would just play her games with him until she grew tired of him. After that she would probably leave him to her demons for the rest of his life. Or maybe for forever. This had to be one of the outer spheres, he only knew vaguely of. One of the realms of the gods, he assumed. And did he even age here? Maybe he would just become a plaything forever. It was not the most horrible outlook, if he was honest. Funnily enough the pain the demons had made him feel, had always been a lot softer, a lot less vile than what some humans had put him through.

If he returned…

He still did not know, who that other goddess was. Would she contact him again? Would she finally explain? Could he understand it in the end?

A hero. She had said that. And something about a touch of destiny. About him saving a lot of people one day. That sounded like… Like a big adventure, he guessed. Something quite dangerous. Something exhausting.

And yet…

He liked the idea of saving people.

And if he did not do it, who would?

“That is not exactly your problem, is it?” the goddess answered his thought.

He groaned again, forcing himself to look at her. “But… But it is.” He whimpered again. “And… I… I do like adventures. I…” Another groan could no longer be held down. “This… This only happened because… Because I tried to settle down. And I… I just need to do… something.”

“Why, though? You could simply live for your own pleasure, right?”

“I could,” he whispered. “But it… It would not be… Not be quite right.”

“Who cares about that? It would be right by you?”

He whimpered, unable to hold back the next wave of pleasure coming over him. “It is, though. It…” Now there were tears once more, and he did not even know where they came from. “It was what I wanted to be. I… I wanted to be the one… the one to save others. Because… Because nobody else did. Because it was right. And this…”

“You love this,” she whispered.

“I do. And yet… It still is…” Another whimper came over his lips. “It is still just running away, isn’t it?”

Chapter 44: Desperate Attempts

Summary:

Tav comes to after the ritual - and realizes that he is no longer safe in the temple.

Consciousness only slowly returned to Tav as he was lying there. Lying… on a hard ground. On… He was not sure. He was not sure. But he was not alone. He was not alone! People. Bodies. Warm bodies to both of his sides.

He gasped, noticing how his chest was still hurting just a bit. Memories came dripping back to him. Then someone took his hand.

“Tav.” He knew that voice. It made him open his eyes.

“Tei…” He stared at her and she was… Well, no, she was not alright. But at least she was healed, just that her eyes were red and swollen, telling him she had been crying quite a lot.

“Tav.”  This was Fhedré, lying on his other side. He carefully put a hand onto Tav’s chest, caressing him. “How are you feeling?”

Another breath, that was quite hurting. “I… I don’t…” More memories were coming back. The ritual – and the thing that had happened afterwards. “Loviatar…” he whispered.

“What?” they both asked, clearly confused.

Tav sat up, as he was trying to make sense out of his memories. Once again his outer wounds had healed – all of them. No scaring, from what he could see. At least not in the front. It was fairly clear that Fhedré had caried his naked body back to their room once more.

“During the ritual… Loviatar was there. I… She was there, and she took me, and she… She wanted me to swear loyalty to her.” Remembering what had happened between him and the goddess made him shiver. How easy it had been to give in. And how good he had felt in the end. Though he did not quite remember how it had ended. The last thing he remembered was the dragon fucking him. Had he fainted from it? Had his mind finally given out?

He could see his two partners exchange a gaze. And for once he managed to make sense of it.

“Something did happen during the ritual, right?”

“Yes,” Fhedré said. “The sword vanished at some point – and then you followed. Not for long. You were gone for maybe a minute. In the end, it was as if the air spat you out. You landed on the ground. Bleeding quite a bit.”

The time confusing was somehow making sense to Tav right now. It had happened with that other goddess, too. Fhedré had said for him it had been maybe two minutes between the door closing and him returning outside – but for Tav it had been probably more like ten or fifteen.

Then, however, a different thought entered his mind. He turned around, wrapping his arms around the elf by his side. “Tei. Tei. You are… How are you? I… I am so sorry. I am so sorry, about everything. You…”

He could feel, how more tears were welling up in her eyes. He could feel it, because they ended up dripping onto his shoulders. It only made him feel worse. “I am really so sorry. I… I should’ve listened to you. I just… I…”

“You are an idiot,” she whispered. “You are. You are such an idiot. But I… Don’t do this to me again. I was worried twice in a week now, that you had died. And I… I cannot do that again, do you hear?”

“Tei… I mean, that… You got hurt. She hurt you. She hurt you so badly. I…”

“I know.” Kantei held onto him, her body trembling right now. “I… I was so sure I was about to die. I…”

“It was my fault. I am sorry.”

She drew another shaky breath. “It was not your fault. That part was not. It was that horrible scarred woman, who… She had me caught and then…” Slowly she pushed Tav away to look at him, before shaking his head. “That was not your fault.”

For a moment, their foreheads touched. Tav was not even sure, what to think. He knew that even if they somehow got out of this, all of this would need time to heal. For her, that was. And no matter what she said, this was his fault.

“You were badly hurt, when you reappeared,” Fhedré now slowly explained. “Mostly broken bones, and raptures on your inside. You know… It is harder to heal those wounds, right?”

“I know,” Tav said. Breaking away from Kantei a bit, he looked down on himself. It explained why he was still hurting. “Broken ribs, too, right?”

“Among others,” Fhedré said. “Your hip was broken, too.”

Almost Tav felt like laughing about this. “Yeah, that… makes sense.”

“What did she do to you?” Fhedré asked.

Tav sighed. He was going to be honest. To some extent. “Nothing that I did not want. She was… quite particular about it. I think… I think because she could actually not go against it. She… She tortured me, and made me satisfy her, and… She had all sorts of… all sorts of things fuck me.”

“Things?” Kantei stared at him, as he evaded her gaze.

“Creatures,” he muttered. “Monsters. I… I am not sure if it was some illusion or…”

“Not according to your injuries,” Fhedré said. “It was about what I… Well, what I have seen after the draconic rituals.”

Tav slowly nodded, not really feeling like going into it.

“And you wanted it?” Kantei asked.

“Well, yeah. I mean, she did pump me full of aphrodisiacs, but… I wanted it. And…” He tried to remember the words the goddess had had for him. “She tried to talk me into following her, into swearing my loyalty to her.”

Silence fell between them, before Fhedré finally answered.

“And you said?”

“I…” Tav tried to remember. He did remember the end of it. The dragon would not stop fucking him. It kept fucking him for what felt like forever, while Loviatar had kept pressing him. But he knew what he had answered. “I said no.” He looked at Kantei. “You were right. You were right all along. I… I… You knew I was a chosen?”

“But not Loviatar’s chosen,” she whispered.

“I… I know. While… Since the last time I saw you, I… I spoke with the goddess, who had chosen me. And… I just knew it was her.”

“Who was it?”

He gave a dry laugh. “I was hoping you could tell me. I… she would not answer me. And I… I guess I am simply too dumb to know.”

Maybe it was actually quite funny, as Kantei started to laugh as well. Or maybe they were both just too tired and desperate, as they sat there laughing. Who knew?

Fhedré didn’t laugh, though. He looked at them, his eyes full of worry. “What did Loviatar say, when you told her no?”

Tav was forced to take another deep breath to halt his laughter. Then he thought about it. “She… Well, she kept pushing. In the end…” He evaded both their gazes. “She had a dragon keep fucking me. I do not know for how long. It felt forever. While she kept pushing. But in the end, she… I think she actually gave up.”

“So, she could not like… force you?” Kantei asked, making Fhedré shake his head.

“That is not what Loviatar is about. It is not what she is about at all.”

Tav was not sure, whether it was just Fhedré’s loyalty to the goddess speaking, whom he had served fourteen years. But maybe he was right. Because Loviatar had sure tried to push him to agree – but she had not forced him.

And no matter how much he hated to admit it, the things she had done to him there had all been stuff he had been fantasizing about. He had no doubt that had he agreed, she would have had quite a fun time further delving into his fantasies – making them come true in one way or another. She could probably do that. And for a while he would have enjoyed it. And things would have been good. For a while…

“I don’t know why she needed me to agree, but… I think she needed it,” Tav finally said. “And I didn’t.”

It was Kantei, who spoke now so carefully. “Why didn’t you? You were so… adamant about wanting to follow her.”

Tav sighed. “Because of something, the other goddess said. She said… She said that I would one day save a lot of people, if I left. And I…” Another sigh came over his lips. “I get it now, Tei. You… You wanted to go to Baldur’s Gate because…”

“Because I had a good guess that you might be one of the chosen, though I had no idea why you didn’t know it. And I figured you’d be safer in a city, than you’d be out there.”

“You should’ve told me.”

“If I had told you, you’d never agree. Because… I know you, Tav. Or… Well, I think I do know you quite well. And I know that you… You are one of those really badly heroic types. You want to save people. And if I told you, that you might have the power to save even more people, you would never just agree to go into a city to keep you… well, to keep you safe. Would you?”

He pursed his lips, but he was honest once more. “I wouldn’t.”

“I think it is one of your best traits,” she said. “Honestly. I do. You are sweet, and heroic, and you have a good heart. But… I do not want to lose you, you understand?”

“I do.”

Fhedré cleared his throat, after probably rather awkwardly sitting by their side. “We need to get you back to Baldur’s Gate still,” he said. “I… I am not sure, whether Truescar Githan follows the goddess, or is doing this for some of her own reasons. But I am also not sure, whether she is just going to give up just like this.” He looked Tav up and down. “Can you walk right now?”

“I can try,” Tav said, skuttling to the side of the bed and pushing his legs out of it.

His body definitely was still hurting, yet, he tried to push himself up onto his legs, groaning as he did. It was painful. Especially his hip.

He took a staggering step, then another, then his legs gave up under him.

Kantei was the first by his side, taking his hand to help him up. And he tried again – but once more it was not more than three steps he could take.

“I am sorry,” he whispered.

“It is not your fault,” Fhedré said. “I need to heal you again. And you… You probably need to eat a bit.” He came around the bed too, sitting down next to him. “Can I pick you up?”

“Of course.” Tav wrapped his arms around the other man’s neck, allowing him to lift him up. He sighed, as he was back on the bed.

“I will try and organize something to eat,” Fhedré said. “For all of us.”

Much to his surprise, Kantei sighed. “Thank you, Fhedré.”

The man smiled softly, before he got up from the bed again, leaving the two of them alone.

There was a moment of silence, as Kantei took Tav’s hand, holding it between both of her own. “What was that goddess like?” she asked. “The other goddess I mean.”

“I… Well, she was… She had the body of a halfling woman. Dark skinned. A lot of jewelry in her hair. And she was… soft. And kinda smiley. And, when she took my hand, I just sort of knew that she was the one who had chosen me, because I felt this strange connection.” He sighed. “She said she chose me on the day that I ran from… from that place. She said that place was dedicated to her sister. And that because of it she could normally not intervene, until I ran. And she… just tried to right a wrong.” He paused, thinking about the talk. “She chose me, because I… because I saved Jevka.”

A soft smile showed on Kantei’s face, as she leaned against him, though tears were still shimmering in her eyes. “Yeah, well… I guess she could’ve chosen someone a lot worse. You do probably make for good material for a hero, you know? Like a proper hero for a story.”

“You think?” he asked.

“Yeah. You are good. You try and save people. You always have. And I guess for the stories the dramatic backstory is not that bad either.”

There was not a lot of humor in his laugh, yet it did escape him. “You might now be completely wrong about that.”

“Of course I am not,” she said. “I am the clever one, you know?”

“I know,” he whispered and leaned against her. “I… I should have listened to you. I just… I don’t know. I mean, I do not know how to go about any of this, if I am honest.”

“And we will figure it out together,” she promised. “After… After some more healing. For both of us.”

He sighed. “Yeah…” Then he closed his eyes, and for a while they just sat there in silence.

“What is it now with you and Fhedré?” she asked after a long pause.

“I… I love him, I think.” Tav looked at her. “I… I am fairly sure I love him. And that he loves me, too.”

“You still might not be able to see him again, once we leave, you know?”

He knew, but he did not want to know. After all, Fhedré would not stay at this temple in the end, would he? He would probably go to the temple in Baldur’s Gate and then… They could meet, right? They would be able to meet.

“I will not mind it, if you two keep meeting. And do… whatever. He does… He does seem to care deeply about you. I am not sure I fully trust him, but… I trust, that he does want to help you.”

Tav managed a smile. “Thank you.”

Then she looked at him. “And he is right, you know? We need to get back to Baldur’s Gate.”

“I know,” he whispered. “I know.”

 

---

 

It took Fhedré a long while to return, but when he did, he indeed had found something to eat for all of them. So they ate, together, drank some tea, before Fhedré gave a total of four different potions to Tav to help with the healing.

The other times with the dragons, Tav had been prepared – with those other potions that kept him from sustaining too much damage. This had been different. Which was probably because his legs were not quite working again.

After Tav had drunken the potions, the other two still tried to heal him. He just laid there and felt a bit useless, as both of them had their hands on him, the magic seeping into him. And yet… There was just a bit of hope in him. That… Maybe things could be better. And maybe there was a reason for him to just… exist.

A hero, that goddess had said. And he still liked that idea. To be a hero. To save people.

For now, though, he would have to save himself, he guessed. Or rather let those two do it, who ended up settling for the night next to him.

Both lying on his side. Warm, the two of them. And a part of him wished, that they could do that more often. Or that they could do it, once they were back at Baldur’s Gate. Fall asleep next to one another. All three of them. With him being between them. Surrounded by warmth and for just a while feeling safe.

Notes:

Okay, we are coming towards the end of the story. I do kinda want to eventually write a sequel, because this was a really fun story.

Chapter 45: Fight or Flight

Summary:

Fhedré, Tav and Kantei decide to attempt to flee the temple and to finally return to Baldur's Gate.

Tav took a deep breath, as he tried to stand up again. His legs felt weirdly stiff, which had probably just to do with the amount of healing he had gone through. With the first step, he was staggering, but with the second and third his movement became more fluent. He did not fall. His legs did not falter underneath him, even though he was not quite sure whether he would be able to run.

He sighed, as he reached the door, holding himself up against it. Then he turned around to his two partners. “I mean, I can walk.”

Fhedré watched him with some worry, but nodded in the end. “I think it will have to do for now. We only need to make our way over to the portal circle – then he should be good.”

“Do you think someone is going to stop us?” Kantei asked, looking over at Fhedré, who ended up just sighing once again.

“As I said, I am not sure. I am not sure what is making Truescar Githan act this way.”

Carefully Tav pushed himself off the door, making his way back to the bed. He sat down on the edge, taking a deep breath. “What do we do if someone does try to stop us.”

“Then we have to get out of the temple,” Fhedré said. “There is a portal circle up in the city, which we can use as well.”

Tav reached out, to hold the other man’s hand, then reached out with the second hand, to hold onto Kantei. He allowed himself to breath, as he felt both their warmth. A part of him, feared returning to Baldur’s Gate. He feared the nightmares, that he just knew would return to him. And he feared the feeling of being useless.

If anything, he wanted to travel again. And maybe just… He still did not understand the entire thing, that was happening with the gods right now. Because everybody was just so very bad at complaining. But he could not help but think to himself, that he should be able to do something useful in that conflict, right? Especially being a chosen – even though he still had not figured out the name of his goddess.

“You need to get dressed,” Fhedré said, looking at Tav. “I think we cannot wait for too long.”

He pushed over the bundle of clothes. The same clothes that Tav had worn, when he had gotten here. A simple tunic, a yellow and green vest, and some wide trousers, as well as sandals.

Tav’s balance was still not the best, but he managed to get into the clothes. Mostly thanks to the help Kantei was willing to provide. And by the time he was dressed, he was standing once more, trying to keep it this way.

Fhedré nodded. He came around the bed, holding out a hand to keep Tav standing. Then he turned to Kantei.

She was still not looking good. Her eyes were still swollen and her hair was a bit of a mess – so much so, that she had tied it back into a queue. But just like Tav… She would get through this. Tav knew that she would get through this.

Something inside of Tav tensed, as they left the room, and he could feel that it was not different for either of his partners. They both were tense as they walked outside the room.

It was day, by the looks of it. Other people were up and about. People, who were looking at them, their faces speaking of some surprise, and some mistrust.

Quite quickly Tav noticed, that he would indeed fall over, if Fhedré was not holding him. He might be able to stand and walk right now, but his legs still felt quite weak. There might have been other scenarios, in which he had found this quite hilarious. Being unable to properly walk, after having had a really good fuck – but right now the humor was evading him.

Several times they did have to stop on their way to the second level of the complex, where that portal circle was located.

Tav did not really know a lot about portals. All he knew was, that for the most part those people of magical inclination could cast them anywhere, but in those cases the portal would not have a wide reach. You might be able to portal yourself from one end of the city to the other, but most certainly not the hundred and something miles dividing Waterdeep and Baldur’s Gate. Unless you used a portal circle, where the right magics were already prepared to enhance the effect. Something like that. It was not as if Tav was able to cast portal-magic.

So many people looked at them, and Tav could gather that the way they were looked at was not a good one. It made him anxious. Oh, it made him so anxious, but not quite as anxious as he became, when they came to the portal circle and found it guarded.

It had been guarded as well, when Tav had gotten here – but not like this. A total of nine guards in the typical Loviatan uniforms.

Fhedré noticed it as well. Of course he did. He took a deep breath, before taking the lead, leaving Tav to lean against Kantei to not fall over.

“Wait!” One of the guards was holding a mace. “You cannot pass here.”

“I am fairly certain I can,” Fhedré said. “I am the Guidance of the Blade. You cannot simply stop me.”

The guard – a woman with short hair and bright eyes – did seem to swallow. “Truescar Githan has told us to stop you, should you come here. She told us, to give her warning in this case as well.”

“She did now, did she?” Fhedré’s shoulders tensed, though right now Tav could not see his face. “Look, I do not want to fight you. But I will get this man out of this temple in one way or another.”

The woman looked past Fhedré. “Yes, the Truescar said that as well.” She exchanged a look with the other guards – and Tav noticed how they readied themselves. “I am sorry. I truly am. But…”

Tav did not know what happened in the next moment. Something bright hit right between the guards. Something bright, but apparently powerful enough to get some of them to scream. Then Fhedré was suddenly back at Tav’s side.

“Change of plan, we use the circle up in the city.” He did not wait for either of them to reply, before he picked Tav up with ease. “Now.”

Kantei needed a moment to understand. But once the first spell came towards them, she did realize what was at stake. She started to turn, then to run. “Where are we going?”

“I am thinking,” Fhedré said. “Which might be the least guarded exit.” He was a surprisingly fast runner, even carrying Tav.

And Tav? What could Tav do right now?

He looked over Fhedré’s shoulders, seeing some of the guards make their way after them. And while he was not skilled with magic, he was able to cast a couple of cantrips. It was the first thing, he could think of. Hum the melody, and try to cast a Firebolt.

The spell hit not the guard, it was supposed to hit – rather one of the crystals in the wall. Which turned out to be a good thing, as the crystal exploded, making the guards stop, some of them being impaled by bits of rock.

As Tav kept clinging to Fhedré’s neck, the three of them made their way along the entire length of the corridor to the center of the building, then up the next steps – only for more guards to come towards them.

It was Fhedré, who slung a spell now. He muttered a spell, or rather a prayer, and the rock at the side of the staircase seemed to react. It extended into spikes, some of which did hit the guards coming towards them.

With a few more words, the rocks took their original shape, and there was another spell whispered – or though he did not get to finish it. It was Kantei, who slung a spell instead, Tav knowing the incantation – and knowing what followed.

The wave of thunder pushed the guards back – but more importantly, it pushed some off the steps, sending them falling. It cleared their way.

“Shit,” Fhedré muttered. “I am sorry. I did not plan for it to go this way.”

“It’s alright.” Tav just continued to hold onto him. “It’s not your fault.”

Once more they were running. Along another corridor. Around another corner. More people came towards them. And once more… Things happened. So many things happened, while Tav could barely to anything but hold on.

He wasn’t even sure whether they could get out of this.

But they had to. Because…

He did not want to stay in a place, where people were willing to hold him with violence like this. Because if he stayed here, he once more would become nothing like a slave.

The corridors were all curved of course, making it hard to fully see what was ahead. Maybe it was because of this, that neither of them saw her in time. That all of them were surprised. There was not even a spell spoken out loud. It was just, that something suddenly took hold of Fhedré and he just stopped. He stopped in place, as if frozen, with Tav falling out of his arms, groaning as he hit the ground underneath.

“I would lie, if I did not expect an attempt like this,” the Truescar said, as she was standing in front of them now. “Desperate, and most definitely a mistake.” She shook her head. “Take the chosen.”

Tav grunted, as he pushed himself up. Already two people were coming towards him, and it was Kantei now standing between them and him. She whispered another incantation, letting magic blades swirl through the air around them.

“That is quite sweet,” the priestess said. She was most certainly using magic herself. She had to, given that the wall of blades was fading just a moment later. A counter spell, no doubt. It left her smiling, as she came for them. “You know, elf girl, there are definitely some here, who still do prefer the kind, that does not want the pain.” She reached out for Kantei, and just a moment later, Kantei faltered.

She was screaming with pain – a pain undoubtedly coming from magic.

“Loviatar…” Tav was panting, as he finally got his feet under his body. “Loviatar let me go. She let me go herself. Because… Because she cannot force me to become hers. And if she cannot do it, neither can you.”

“It is actually far simpler than you think,” the priestess said. “The fact that you are a chosen makes you just such a better vessel for being the offering – and you absolutely do not need to be a voluntary offering for the spells to work.” She came over to him, pushing a strand of his hair out of his face. “And while you might be quite the stubborn man, I have no doubt that over the years it should be possible to break you down, until you will agree do to anything.”

Tav took a step back, trying to consider his options. They needed to get away from here. And they needed to do it fast.

He was not dumb enough to think they could take her. Of course they were not. But then there was the question of what they could try instead. They had to outwit her. They had to.

And even though Kantei was the clever one, her attempt was not exactly witty, as she got up, drawing a short blade. She tried to get to the priestess, but someone else – another cleric – grabbed her, holding her back.

If Tav was not mistaken, Fhedré was being caught in a holding spell. Only that Tav was nobody to dispel such magic. He was not strong enough. Especially not when it came to this. Not when it came to magic.

Darn it. Wasn’t he a fucking chosen? Shouldn’t he have some power to do something about this?

Sure, the gods were powerless for the most part within the temple dedicated to anyone but them… But… He should have some power, right? He should have some darn power! He had felt it back up on the mountain when the goddess had touched him.

“You know you are powerless,” the priestess said. “Why don’t you just give up?”

“You knew all along that I was someone else’s chosen, didn’t you?” Tav said, trying to play for just a bit of time. He took a shaky step backwards to get back to Fhedré. This was a desperate plan – but it was a plan never the less.

“Yes, of course. Of course I knew. It made it so much more interesting, though.”

Another step backwards. “You know, while I was hear I was starting to think that maybe the followers of Loviatar were not that bad after all. But…” Another step. “You most certainly are. Maybe not Fhedré. Maybe not others like him. But you? You are…” He could finally touch the other man. He could finally touch Fhedré, and somehow he could indeed feel the spell holding him.

He did not know what to do, but in his heart he tried to feel this energy inside of him. He tried to feel it, tried to push it towards Fhedré. He tried and…

“You are just a sweet young thing,” she said. “You would not even understand if you tried.”

Admittedly, Tav had kinda expected something with more finesse. But as Fhedré suddenly moved, he took the most direct approach: His fist hit the priestess’s chin.

She stumbled backwards. This she clearly had not seen coming. “You insolent…”

Fhedré tried to use another spell – only that nothing happened. But for the moment it did not give him pause. He just took a lunge forward, to hit her again, before grabbing Tav by his hand. “Come. We go now.”

Tav nodded. He was still not sure whether his legs would carry him, but right now he had not the time to question this. “Kantei!” He hummed the incantation himself, and somehow it worked just again, as he hit one of those crystals, making it shatter, and making the two people holding Kantei duck automatically.

She got loose. And they ran.

Which each step, Tav expected to fall, to stumble, but somehow he didn’t. He continued to run, down the corridor, into a room, from there into another room, and then…

The door was a hidden one, but it opened into a rather musky cave. And they ran down this cave as fast as they could, given that it was tight and narrow. After a bit, Fhedré stopped. He crouched. “Climb on my back.”

Tav did not question this. He just did.

“Can’t you just portal us to the surface?” Kantei asked. “At least from here?”

Fhedré looked at her. “That… might be a good idea, yes.”

Somewhere in the distance steps echoed from the cave walls. It was impossible to say how far or near they were. It made Tav anxious, made him want to move. But using a portal would be quicker. So he tried to relax, as Fhedré said the prayer or incantation or whatever he might use.

Only that he grunted, as he finished, almost collapsing forward.

Tav managed to hold on. “What is it?”

Fhedré looked at his hands. “I… I am not fully certain. I might have just… I am not sure.”

He tried again – but once more nothing happened. Well, nothing in regards to the spell. Instead there was a light in the distance. Then a shout.

“There they are! I can see them!”

“We need to run,” Kantei said, and this time she was running herself.

Tav did his best to hold onto Fhedré’s back, thankful to not be the person who had to move his feet right now. But it allowed him to look around. To see the people come closer. To see the spells cast.

And there were no useful crystals illuminating the walls right here. And not many spells he himself knew.

Once more he tried a Firebolt – and it hit someone’s foot, making them stumble. But it was not enough to stop all of them. Not enough by far.

Fuck.

This was not looking good. Even though they had just escaped the worst. But it was not looking good at all. He hated that he could do nothing. Why had he never learned any better spells? Why was he so completely powerless right now? He could not even run on his own. And those two others…

Fhedré would be unable to return to this temple after this, wouldn’t he? He would have lost his own home. And it would be Tav’s fault.

Tav held onto the other man even stronger, wondering whether there was anything they could do.

Another spell came for them, making them stumble. Fhedré fell forward, but he somehow managed to get up and into balance once more.

Turn right. That was a thought that suddenly came to Tav. He did not know how, but he didn’t care either. “Turn right!” he yelled.

“There is nowhere to turn,” Fhedré replied.

“Just do it. I… I just know it,” Tav said. And he did. He knew that there was a hidden pathway.

His hands found the invisible lever with ease.

A staircase. Hidden within the cave. A short one. But a staircase, leading somewhere else. Another corridor, this one had been built by some intelligent species. Stone was lining the walls, keeping them steady.

No voices following them for a while. They still kept running.

Then: More steps in the distance.

But also something else. A light. A greenish light ahead. A greenish light that was…

“A portal?” Kantei asked, standing there for a moment.

But for once Tav actually understood what was happening. “This is for us, I think. I think… I think that is some godly intervention.”

There was a short moment of pause, but then the two others ran forward. There was no time for questioning any of this. They almost jumped into the portal, stumbling as they landed on the other side.

The sunlight was blinding.

But the wind… The wind was nice.

 

Notes:

With this there is only the epilogue to go.

Chapter 46: Missing Answers

Summary:

Back in Baldur's Gate, Tav once again finds himself haunted by nightmares.

Notes:

This chapter technically is an epilogue rather than a full chapter - but with all its amazingness, Ao3 sadly misses the ability to outright mark a chapter as prologue or epilogue.

There is some mild kink towards the end of the chapter, but nothing strongly kinky.

Once more Tav woke up screaming. In his nightmare, he had been tied down. He had been a child once more. He had been used by adults, who had not cared about him, or his tears. Or rather they had found those tears enticing.

It did not take long for someone else to move inside the bed. For Fhedré to sit up as well. “Tav,” he whispered, carefully putting a hand onto Tav’s shoulder. “Tav…” He did not ask what the nightmare had been about. Or whether it had been a nightmare. He knew the answer to both questions, and knew that it could not be helped.

Tav just sat there, in this bed in his tiny attic room, trying to breathe. He knew the technique. Minvel had once taught him. Breathe in. Count to ten. Breathe out. Count to ten again. In and out. In and out. In and out. Again and again. Trying to calm his nerves, his mind.

Tears were welling up in his eyes.

It had been a tenday, since they had returned from Waterdeep. And in this tenday the nightmares had returned with a vengeance. He had had two dreamless nights just as they had gotten back, but ever since he woke several times each night. And the goddess? The goddess had still failed to contact him once more. Maybe she had not managed because of those nightmares.

He dared to lean against Fhedré, and Fhedré wrapped both of his arms around Tav. He held him close, and knowing this made things at least just a little bit better.

It was wrong though. It was wrong and Tav knew it. Because in the end, it was his fault, that Fhedré was here. And that Fhedré had lost everything. Even his magic.

Sure, Tav had barely seen the man cast any magic outside of healing magic – but he had been told that Fhedré was in fact quite the talented magic user. Or had been. Until now.

It was of course not a new phenomenon. If a god turned on one of their clerics, they would loose their magic. Only that Tav did not understand. Because… Because in the end, he had assumed that Loviatar would be more reasonable than the Truescar. But maybe in the end she had been just a bit petty herself. Who was he to know a goddess?

Still, he felt bad as he sobbed against the other man’s chest. “I am sorry. I am so sorry.”

“It’s okay, Tav. It’s okay. You did nothing wrong.”

How often Tav had heard those words during the last few days. Only that it was hard to believe. Because everything… Everything was messed up again.

“Tav.” Fhedré ran his fingers through Tav’s hair. “Just…” He pressed a kiss onto Tav’s forehead. “I swear to you, it will get better. You just need to give it some time.”

 

---

 

“Hey, Tav.” Kantei came towards him, wrapping her arms around him.

They were meeting with the others – that was, with Janeir and Tobin – at one of the taverns. Tav needed this. He knew he needed this. To be among friends once again.

“How are you today?” she asked, before pushing a soft kiss into his cheek.

“I… I am better,” he lied, forcing a smile. “How are you?”

She was more honest than him, maybe to push him into doing the same. “It is hard, still… I still dream about it, you know? The… The helplessness.” She shook her head. “You know, the worst part of it was, that they took my sight and my hearing. So I did not know what was going on. It was so… so frightening.”

“I… I guess I can understand that.” Though to him it had always just been exciting. To be reduced to those simpler sensations. It had been nice. The touch. And the pain.

“But… It will get better,” she said and shot him a smile, before she took his hand.

So far, Fhedré would not come along to those meetings. He still needed time to find himself, he said. But more than that, it had been clear as day, that Tobin and Janeir had been quite mistrustful of him, when they had met him.

Tav guessed, that he could not hold it against them. From their perspective, it was as if Fhedré had kidnapped him and put him in danger. Sure, they all understood that Tav had gone with Fhedré on his own accord, had come to the temple voluntarily, but it was still… He guessed it was still hard to accept. Especially as he was unsure how much he could tell Tobin and Janeir.

They met the two of them closer to the harbor. Tobin, a halfling, as smiling at Tav. “There you are. We already were wondering whether you got lost.”

“No,” Tav said. He tried to smile as well. “I… I do know the city. By now.”

“Well, that did not stop you from getting so lost, that you ended up in Waterdeep, did it?” Tobin replied, and chuckled, only to earn a kick against the shin by his wife.

“You are not getting enough sleep, are you?” Janeir asked.

Tav sighed. “I cannot pretend otherwise, can I?”

She came close to him, hugging him as well. “No. These watchful eyes will always know. Believe me, young man.”

“I still wake from a lot of nightmares,” Tav admitted. He sighed and once more tried a smile. “But it will get better. I know it will.”

Kantei held his hand, pressing it. “It definitely will,” she said.

They went to the tavern. It was not one of the big ones, but rather a small tavern, that they had come to frequent. The Dancing Kobold. Just two rather small rooms often filled to the brim with costumers. The mead served was not good, neither was the beer, but the brandy and the spirits? Oh, they were amazing. As was the rum.

Not that Tav dared to drink too much. If he got too drunk, his mind would just play even more tricks on him. And that? He did not want that.

Still, they had some ale, were toasting, as they sat in the side room.

Though Tav could not help but gaze over to the window again and again. He did not know why. Maybe because it made him feel just a bit safer to know it was here.

“Tav?” Janeir said, skuttling closer to him on the bench they were sitting on.

Tav looked at her. “Yeah?”

“I think you just need… something more to do, rather than just sing from time to time. Or… do other things.” She left it open, though they both knew, what she was talking about. Those times, when he had went to prostitute himself to make ends meet.

“Why?” he asked, taking another sip of the ale.

“Because it would give you something to do. Something to fill your life with. How did you spend today for example?”

He sighed. “Mostly… I was home with Fhedré. We went to the bathhouse in the afternoon.”

“See? Maybe, just… Maybe you just need to find something more to do.”

Another sigh. He could not help it, even though he felt miserable like this. “The truth is, that I want to be out there again and… have adventures. Do good. Do… something meaningful.”

Kantei seemed to notice their conversation, moving closer to them. “Tav, I know you want to… But… Well, especially until you can properly use your powers…”

“There should be enough meaningful stuff to do within the city, right?” Tobin noted. “I mean, it is not as if bandits operate exclusively outside. And if you ask me, those fucking noble families are worse than those darn bandits on some days.”

Tav looked at the halfling. “So… What are you suggesting?”

Tobin shrugged. “Nothing… Nothing concrete. But I mean… There is evil stuff happening here. And maybe…”

“The goddess said, she could protect you inside the city, right?” Kantei asked.

“She said, she could offer me ‘at least some protection’ here.” He looked at his hands. “Though… I still do not… I don’t feel anything.”

“Well, do you know what it would feel like?”

He sighed. Like that tingling, he thought. But he wasn’t sure. “Not really.”

“Tav,” Janeir now said. “You need some time to heal. But maybe… I don’t know. Maybe catching a few bandits would cheer you up?”

He nodded slowly. “Yeah, maybe.”

 

---

 

When Tav came home, he found Fhedré in front of the fireplace, waiting for him. It seemed he had made some more tea. It was long past midnight by now, though Tav knew that even so the outcome, if he tried to just sleep.

Now the man turned around, smiling. “There you are. How are you?”

“Still exhausted,” Tav replied. He went over to the other man, sitting on his lap. While he still felt bad for Fhedré losing his powers, he was in some degree just thankful that he was here now. That he was with Tav.

Fhedré hugged him once more. “We can go to sleep soon. I made some lavender tea. Maybe it will help you.”

For a moment Tav just enjoyed the hug, enjoyed breathing in Fhedré’s scent.

Right now the man was wearing a simple tunic and trousers. No longer the garb of a Loviatan priest. Because… In his heart he knew that he no longer was one.

And still… “Actually, there was… I wanted to ask you for something.”

“Sure.” Fhedré pushed him away just enough, that he could look at Tav. “What is it?”

“Could you… Could you tie me up and fuck me?” Tav asked. “I know, right now… It is not as if you really can do much to hurt me – not without us being able to heal it properly. But… At least tie me up. At least…” He hated how desperate he sounded. “At least use me.”

“Tav.” Fhedré was gentle as always. He caressed Tav’s cheek, his thumb softly running over the scar left by the branding iron so long ago. Almost Tav expected him to refuse, but in the end, he just sighed. “Are you sure?”

“It might at least exhaust me a little,” Tav replied. “And I think I need that.” He paused for a long moment. “I know I sound desperate, but I…”

“It’s alright.” Fhedré kissed his cheek. “Don’t you worry. I will never hold those desires against you.”

A part of Tav knew this. A part of him knew. It was still so hard to believe, given that another part knew that it was messed up still.

There was a moment of silence, as Fhedré eyed Tav. But then he smiled. “In fact, how about you kneel before me right now.”

“Right now?”

“Yes, you sweet thing. Right now.”

Tav paused, but then he slid off Fhedré’s lap, kneeling on the uneven wooden floor of this one room.

“Put your arms behind your back and hold them there,” Fhedré instructed, as he freed his cock from his trousers, rubbing it just a bit to get it hard. As it was finally standing up properly, he ran his fingers Through Tav’s hair. “You know what to do, don’t you?”

“I do,” Tav whispered, as he took in the cock.

He looked up to Fhedré’s face, seeing the other man smile. It was a soft smile, but a confident smile as well. And he kept it, as he pushed Tav’s head to get him to take in that cock in full. Then he held the head, until Tav was retching just a bit, his eyes tearing up and his nose starting to run. Only when this happened, did he start moving Tav’s head – using him, just as Tav had wished. He used him, and Tav was just working with it. Letting himself be used by this other man, who cared about him.

He did not mind any of it. Not the way how again and again the cock was pressed deep into his throat, not the way it somewhat was hurting his neck, when Fhedré instructed him to move faster. In fact, this feeling was so freeing.

It was as well, when Fhedré finally ejaculated into his mouth.

“Keep it,” he said. “And open wide.” When Tav leaned back once more, showing him the mouth filled with cum, Fhedré took his tongue and pulled it out just a bit. “Oh, isn’t that a sight for the gods?”

Tav looked at him, his cheeks burning just a bit.

Then Fhedré let go of his tongue. “Well, then. You may swallow.”

Tav did, waiting eagerly for his next instruction.

Already he could feel his crotch burning. Because this… In the end this was exactly what he needed. To not think. To be made into something that was of use to someone else.

“I will tell you, what you will do next,” Fhedré said. “You will get up, and you will strip for me. Do you understand?”

“I do.” Tav found the smile was coming easier to him now.

He got up. He stripped, feeling just a bit better as the clothes were falling off his body.

“Now, this is a nice sight, isn’t it?” Fhedré said, coming close to run both of his hands over Tav’s body. He caressed the entire length of Tav’s torso, running his hands over his chest and the stomach. Then he let them glide up to the nipples once more, gripping them, pinching them until Tav gave a low gasp.

“Ah, that’s a lot better,” Fhedré said. He pressed a kiss onto Tav’s lips – letting it turn greedy rather quickly. Greedy and breathless, until Tav was gasping for air. “Now, you said I should tie you up, didn’t you?”

“I did,” Tav whispered.

And Fhedré smiled at this. He went over to the chest at the bottom of the bed, getting a rope out of it. “Yes. I think I can do that.” His smile got just a hint of evil in it, as he looked at Tav. “And then I am going to make you cum, until you faint. Would you like that?”

A pleasant shiver ran over Tav’s back, and he nodded. “I would love that, in fact.”

Notes:

Alright. There it finally is. The epilogue and for now the end of the story. I have technically planned two more multi-chapter fics that feature Tav, Kantei and Fhedré - and there is going to be the post-canon story.

For those who have read some of my stuff later in the timeline: Fhedré eventually ends up in Avernus (without dying, so more like Karlach), which is the reason he is not around by the time the game is set. But Tav later manages to get to hell to rescue him. Which will come with its own challenges.

I really do like this story though mostly because it is mostly porn, but a lot of the porn is still also plot. You could not remove the porn form this story and keep the plot. Which was somewhat the inspiration to write this in the first place, because I am so sick of people saying that porn never can add to the plot, and actually porn is just self-indulgent. I mean, yes, this is self-indulgent. And yes, a lot of authors write PWP because they write porn to get off to. Absolutely true. But that does not mean that any sex scene or erotic scene in general does never add to the story.

Well, I hope whoever read so far enjoyed the ride :D I will definitely write more. Currently am working on the Summer Spice - and will do Kinktober later this year. :D

Thank you for reading! I would be delighted over comments!