Work Text:
“Mother, have you seen my dark blue shirt?” Illumi asked, wandering into his mother’s sitting room.
She looked up from her book. “No darling, I would check with the butlers.”
“I already did. They haven’t seen it.”
“I don’t know, dear. Maybe you left it at a hotel on a mission.” She shrugged.
That reminded him. It was at Hisoka’s house. From when he’d stayed over last. He pulled out his phone.
Illumi:
Do you have my shirt?
Hisoka:
Which shirt?
Illumi: My dark blue one
It took Hisoka a few minutes to respond which Illumi hoped meant he was looking for it.
Hisoka:
This one?
Attached was a picture of Hisoka wearing Illumi’s dark blue shirt, smirking into the camera. Illumi frowned at the picture. That shirt was already tight on him! Hisoka was no doubt stretching it out.
Illumi:
Yes. Take it off.
Hisoka:
You…want me to take off my shirt😳😳😳?!?!!?
Okay… if you insist😲😉😝🥵😳🤭
Illumi’s phone chimed as Hisoka sent multiple attachments which Illumi scrolled past, rolling his eyes.
Illumi:
That is not what I meant and you know it. I will be at your apartment at 4:30 pm to collect it. I expect it to be washed and folded. If you stretched it out, I will kill you.
Hisoka:
Of course😘😘 Can’t wait to c u
Illumi:
It is not a social visit. I will be taking my possession and leaving.
Hisoka:
Whatever you say😉
Illumi rolled his eyes.
“Did you figure out where it was sweetheart?”
“Yes, I, uh. I left it at a hotel. I’ve contacted the management and I’m going to collect it tomorrow.”
“Illumi, darling.”
“Yes mother?”
“Come here, I thought we could do some mother son bonding.”
“Okay.” This was something they did at least once a week, usually sipping tea or going on a walk around the gardens.
“I thought this time we could do something different.”
“Different?”
“Yes.” She nodded. “I thought I could give you some make-up tips and even give you a make-over.”
“Mother, why would-”
“Oh Illumi, you don’t need to pretend, I already know you’ve been doing your make-up at night when nobody is watching.”
“What are y-”
“Although you really need to learn how to use a make-up wipe dear, your pillowcases are absolutely stained with make-up.”
Stained with- Illumi realized suddenly what was going on. Hisoka had been staying over. And he must have been staining the pillowcases. He grit his teeth. He couldn’t even reveal it because sneaking your boyfriend into the house warranted a lot bigger punishment than staining the pillowcases, especially when your mother had no clue said boyfriend even existed.
“Oh.” Kikyo looked at his face. “You’re upset about me discovering. It’s fine, darling, it genuinely is. I know you were probably doing it at night because you didn’t want anyone to see but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with a boy wearing make-up. I think it will really suit you. You already have such gorgeous long hair.”
Against his will Illumi was escorted into a chair and soon his face was prodded with all sorts of powders and creams until it felt like he had a whole other second layer of skin.
Even worse, his mother was so excited by her efforts she made him go to dinner like that and he had to face his father and siblings looking like a clown.
At least the rest of them were entertained, Milluki and Killua kept laughing behind their hands every time their mother looked away while Kalluto, Alluka, and his mother cooed about how beautiful he looked.
The only one who acted the way Illumi felt was Silva whose expression lingered on mildly horrified throughout the meal and he couldn’t even look his eldest son in the eye.
At the end of the meal Illumi rushed to his room and scrubbed the disgusting powder off his face, ruining a towel in the process.
He couldn’t even call Hisoka to complain about it and blame him because the other man would only be delighted that Illumi wore make up and pester him to give him a make over the next time they saw each other.
Illumi heard a rap on his door and a second later a butler appeared. “Master Illumi, we have a few questions about your laundry that we would like to ask you if it’s not too much trouble.”
Illumi shrugged. “Sure.”
He followed the butler to the laundry room.
“We, uh, washed these clothes but we can’t seem to figure out whose they are. And they’re in nobody else’s size. But they were in your laundry basket so.”
“Ok”
She held up the shirts and Illumi froze. That stupid clown had put his clothes in Illumi’s laundry again. He had half a mind to just leave them there but he didn’t want his parents to find them.
“Oh um.” He tried to be nonchalant. “These are… these are mine. Just… trying a new style.”
“Oh?” She bowed. “My apologies. I’ll have them folded and sent up to your room immediately.”
“That… that won’t be necessary, I-” He grabbed a bag and threw them in haphazardly. “I’ll just take them up right now, don’t want you guys to waste a trip.”
“Are you sure, sir? It’s really no trouble. And they haven’t even been ironed or folded.” She held out her arms for them. “I can do it right now if you’re-”
“No!”
She looked taken aback so he gave her a reassuring smile.
“They really don’t need that treatment. I’m probably going to throw them out anyways so it would be a waste of time.”
“I can throw them out for you.” She said eagerly. “There’s a bin over here that-”
“Well I also might not, I still haven’t decided. I really should be going though.” He dashed towards the door before she could try to help him again. “And please don’t tell my mother about this.” He called over his shoulder.
Once in his room, he buried the clothes in his closet. Hisoka was in big trouble for this. He didn’t bother to text him, he would probably be at his window today or tomorrow night anyways so he could return the clothes.