Work Text:
There is blood.
There is blood everywhere.
On the ground. On his hands. On the walls. On his sword. In his heart.
There is blood. So much that he didn't really know if it was his own or someone's else's. Something else's.
There is blood in his hair, masking his pretty blond locks, a pale a calm honey color that reminds people of shining stars or cool sunlight. There is blood in his eyes, hiding the deep blue ocean of his emotionless pupils. There is blood on his shirt and jeans and shoes.
So why doesn't he cry? When honey and ocean are tainted with crimson drops, people are supposed to freak out. They're supposed to be scared and petrified and to scream and shout and cry because blood means danger, blood means terror and blood means pain.
But Teru doesn't feel pain anymore. That's why he doesn't freak out, and that's why he doesn't know if the blood is his own or not.
He doesn't care. He doesn't even care anymore.
It was one of those nights. One of those nights when he had to spend hours and hours to exorcize monsters after monsters, ghosts after ghosts, supernaturals after supernaturals. It was like they all chose this one night to go out and try to hurt people, like this warm night colored by the moonlight was the night to terrify the world.
But Teru was here and Teru was strong, so it's okay. He was here to save people and kill monsters, he was here to protect, to help and aid those who needed it. He was here to smile at people who can see him and people who can't. He was here to reassure and talk to the ones who needed it.
And so he killed. Like he did each night, he used his sword and cut supernaturals flesh again, again and again. He electrocuted ghosts and sliced monsters, showing no mercy and moving his body quickly to avoid any unnecessary bruises. Not because it would hurt, but because it would slow him down.
Teru was killing, killing and killing again the entire night, repeating his clan mantra in his mind to prevent himself from focusing on the fact that his whole body was soaking in blood. He chose to focus on Kou's smile and Tiara's laugh to forget about the fact that each night was like every other, repeating a scheme, that each night was seeing him and his slender figure dancing with shadows of monsters and rays of electricity.
And so when he'll be done, he'll do like any other night. He'll do a report to the shrine and will be thanked and congratulated on his skills, on his professionalism and his strength. Nagisa will probably send him a sad look before looking away and ignoring him, just like every other night. Maybe he'll cross paths with his father, maybe not. Meeting him wasn't a big deal for him anymore. Not since he had to carry his role in educating two children without a mother.
Then he'll go back home in the silence of his loud thoughts, and go to the bathroom. He'll take a shower to get rid of the dirt and the blood, and then he'll rub too hard because everytime it's like he wants to get rid of his entire skin. It's like the dirt and the blood are impregnated in him, like his whole body is covered in ghosts residuals and he can't stand that, so he scratches. He scratches, he scratches and scratches, as if he's digging enough he'll find another skin, another body that won't go out every night to kill monsters, another anatomy that will prevent him from swaying with those creatures' screams.
But every time he scratches, he finds nothing else other than his own blood. And most of the time he just stares at these furrows of red paints sliding along his pale skin to mix with clear water. And then he sighs and gets out of the shower without finding what he wanted to find.
Then he'll go to Tiara's room to look at her sleeping. At that very moment, his heart would probably soften, maybe he would even smile, remembering why he does all this. Then he'll go to Kou's room and his smile would reduce, because everytime he looks at his brother he can't help but worry. But his heart would still be at peace knowing that Kou is here, safe and warm in his bed, dreaming about some ideal world where everything is shining like his hopeful and sparkling eyes. Or he would dream about long blond hair in the warmth of their kitchen, about a time that doesn't exist anymore but stays in their memories like a burning scar.
But for now, Teru still drowns in blood. For now, he's still in the middle of an empty square under a night sky, near a fountain whose sound of the constant stream of water allows him to forget the unpleasant sensation of blood flowing along his arm. He's still gripping on his sword, so hard that it feels like his weapon is now an extension of himself. He's still here, close to monsters' dead bodies reminding him that his humanity resides in his capacity of persuading himself that he's doing the right thing.
But the right thing for who? For himself, getting strength and respect? For his siblings, who were safe and warm? For his town, protected and ignorant? For his clan, pleased and satisfied?
Teru was convinced he was doing the right thing. He was protecting the weak, helping others and killing creatures that were born from despair and cruelty. But aren't humans also constantly desperate and cruel? Aren't humans sometimes even worse than ghosts, getting evil when they were still alive and existing in the eyes of others?
Teru always thought he had an unchanged opinion. That nobody could ever change his mind on the fact that ghosts were evil and they needed to be exterminated.
But now, doubt filled his mind. Because his brother was seemingly closer and closer from people linked to supernatural beings, because his clan was forcing him to be more and more like a weapon (and even if it's on him, it doesn't seem right), because he went through experiences and dilemmas that showed him the difficulty of human and ghost mentality.
And because one of the people he cherished the most was half what he hated and half what he protected.
Teru's breath was heavy when he sighed. Still surrounded by the corpses of the monsters he just exterminated, he finally feels the effects of his long nocturnal hunt falling upon him. Suddenly, his muscles feel heavy and body painful. He tries to focus his eyes on anything else than the blood coloring his sword and dripping on the ground to look at his surroundings.
Okay. I see where I am.
Hopefully, he's not that far from his home. He could be there in thirty minutes, take that freaking shower and then go to bed to sleep one hour before getting up to perform his student duties. It was rather amusing how his demeanor was different when he was in high school and when he was doing his job. Prince charming the day and killing beast the night.
The exorcist looks around a little more, making sure that every dirty and gross looking beasts are all dead, before putting his sword back in his sheath. He places his weapon on his back and then walks confidently, slaloming between the corpses like he didn't just spend the whole night killing monstrous beings.
Sometimes he was asking himself where the limit was. Where was the boundary between killing evil and being evil? Maybe he already crossed it. Maybe Teru tries to make people (and himself) believe that he's doing good because, deep down, he knows he doesn't. Maybe his morals changed and he can't stand that because if he's not doing the right thing then what was he doing? What was he doing the past years, when he went through countless fights and bruises?
Teru would probably collapse if somebody tells him that he did all that for nothing. That he sacrificed his whole childhood to protect his family and get pride from his clan for nothing. That he had to witness tears, that he had to taste blood and see death with his own child eyes for nothing.
Knowing that what he does is right is the only thing he has left. With Kou's smile. And Tiara's laughter. Those are the only things he can hang up to to survive and go through all this all over again, each and every night. He has to know that he's doing the right thing, somebody has to say it to him before he goes mad. Because he's not normal and he'll never be, he knows and accepts that, but he can't accept the fact that he sacrificed his whole life for ideals and opinions that weren't the truth.
He needs someone, whoever they are, to go meet him and say he can rest because he did a good job and he doesn't have to continue because it's okay. It's okay to be tired, it's okay to be sad, it's okay to feel lonely and to be drained. Because behind all those supposedly perfect smiles, behind all those supposedly perfect manners and stances and speeches, Teru desperately needs someone to tell him that he's not perfect, that it's okay if he makes mistakes, that he can fail because he's human and he deserves to have a life that goes other than suffering every night and forgetting his humanity because-
"President?"
Teru froze.
And it's like he's dreaming awake.
It's a surprised and calm voice that takes him out of his dark thoughts. Teru can't quite believe that the voice he heard is actually real, so he doesn't move. He doesn't move a single muscle and stays immobile on the spot, unable to move even a finger.
"...are you alright?"
And the voice is here again. This time, Teru hears it more clearly. It's closer than the first time, but not so close either.
Not close enough-
"Fuck..."
Hearing this, he finally raises his head.
And suddenly, it's like Teru can breathe again.
In front of him, looking at him with wide open eyes and slightly worried expression, is Akane. Aoi Akane, a first year in his high school, vice-president of the student council, half human and half supernatural and Teru's biggest comfort.
He's here. Like really here. His body and mind are here focusing only on him, and Teru doesn't know why but he loves that. He always loved attention, but he absolutely adores when it's Akane's attention only on him.
"Fuck you're bleeding..."
Akane's voice is so soothing. Teru's tensed up body relaxes slightly just upon hearing those words, even if it's tainted with this worried and astonished tone.
He's dressed in casual clothes, a black short because of the slight heat of this summer night, with a white and simple t-shirt. Teru always thought that his fashion was really simple and boring, but right now it looks cozy. More than his blood-filled white shirt and his tight jeans.
He also has a plastic bag in his hand. Teru remarks that his grip is stronger than necessary, but he doesn't comment on it.
Then Teru's cerulean pupils rise to his face, and he's pleasantly surprised. Akane's expression is distorted by worry and incomprehension, and Teru always found that this expression really suited him. Maybe because deep down he knows that he has some sadistic tendencies, but it's okay because Akane never hated him for that. He would've stopped if he really asked. The last thing he wants is to really hurt Akane.
His auburn hair is messy, some locks falling on his forehead and trying to hide his sun-colored pupils freed from his usual glasses. Those deep and wide eyes that are still looking at Teru like he needed an explanation right now, like Teru had to answer his unspoken questions. Teru always loved Akane's eyes, they were so expressive. That's why he doesn't really like when he wears those glasses, they're hiding the glint of emotion Akane can't hide away from him (even if he loves the fact that he gave him those glasses).
"Say something..."
"I didn't know I would cross paths with you tonight, Aoi."
When Teru finally speaks, it's like Akane can function again. He takes a big breath and stares at that emotionless smile, that fake happiness he's always showing when he has human interactions because he doesn't know how to act differently anymore.
"...what happened? Are you okay?"
Teru's smile grows, but his eyes show no happiness. It's empty, empty of anything that could build a normal and healthy teenager of his age. But deep down, really deep down in those two sky-colored pupils there is one emotion that tries to get out and be shown to the world.
Relief? Gratitude? Worry? Akane can't quite name it. But he sees it, and it's enough for him to understand that Teru needs someone.
"Nothing. Just my usual night job."
That makes Akane frown. He knows very well how much Teru gives of himself to protect the town each and every night, in fact he's maybe one of the only ones in their high school, or in the entire town, to know how much Minamoto Teru has given, gives and will give to protect this city. But he doesn't like how this situation seems to be normal, not only for the Minamoto clan, but for Teru himself. He doesn't like how his actions are seen as something normal. As something that must happen.
"I can see that but..."
"Aren't you busy yourself?"
Akane tilts his head on the side, not understanding right away what the president means. Teru finds that habit of his absolutely adorable. It makes him want to either take him in his arms, or electrocute him with his sword. But maybe it wasn't the right time to let those sadistic habits take the upper hand...
Then Akane looked at his plastic bag and finally understood. He raises his head to look back at the older, distracted by a blood drop sliding one of his honey locks.
"My parents aren't home and they didn't let me anything to eat so... I had to go to the grocery store to buy things."
Teru hums, strangely listening attentively to what Akane says. Maybe because it distracts him from the fact that his hands are sticky and gross, from the fact that his head hurts and that he's tired and that he needs to bath because fuck I don't want to feels those ghosts residuals on me for a second more-
But Akane is talking, and Akane's voice is soothing, so he stays. He stays standing in place, looking at Akane without really looking at him, his eyes unfocused but mind hanging from the clock keeper's lips as if his words were sacred.
"We're in your neighborhood?"
"Not quite, but I like to take night walks when I can. It eases my mind."
Tell me more. I want to know more.
Teru doesn't really know if he wants Akane to keep talking because it makes him forget about his non-humanity or because it's Akane.
There is a kind of satisfaction to know a detail on Akane's life that no one knows. That he's the only one to know.
"But seriously are you okay-"
"Can you... keep talking?"
Akane frowns again. He probably noticed by now that Teru is not in his right mind. His eyes are blurred, his expression empty and his smile fake. But his attention is real, his voice low and his hands trembling. It's like he's vulnerable, the most vulnerable Akane has ever seen him, but he tries to hide it. Normally when you just killed a strong opponent you feel proud and strong, yet Teru doesn't feel like that (anymore). He feels empty and drained, but it's normal for him.
Because he feels empty and drained every fucking night.
And Akane, for a reason he quite doesn't explain, can't stand to see him like this.
"... I often take this way to walk because I like the fountain here. I find it pretty. I've read somewhere that it's quite ancient."
Teru walks a little towards him. Akane doesn't move.
"Usually I like to take a detour to the park that is close. It's like five minutes away from here and it's quiet and peaceful. Maybe a little creepy at night, but tonight is pretty."
Is it?
Teru doesn't know, he didn't look at his surroundings. He was too concentrate on the big ugly eyes, the disfigured beings and distorted forms to focus on the sky or the moon.
He walks towards Akane again, who still doesn't move a single finger. His eyes are deep, locked in his gaze with no intentions to look away. Teru kind of feels soothed by this unwavering stare, by those brown eyes with amber glints, making them look orange with the moonlight reflecting on them.
He's right. The night is pretty.
But Akane is prettier.
"...and then I usually go home and it helps me sleep better."
Akane's voice is more like a whisper now, a murmur that sings in his ear. But it's also louder, and Teru notices that it's because their faces are now really close. He walked to him to the point of them being face to face, staring deeply at each other. When he succeeded in making his eyes a little less unfocused, Teru noticed Akane's complex expression. He's not embarrassed, but he's not entirely relaxed either. His face is like annoyed, but his eyes are holding stars when he looks up at Teru. Stars shining even more brightly that any constellations the night sky could hold.
"It's okay Teru. It's over, you can rest now."
And that was what broke him.
Those few but terribly real words.
The exorcist couldn't help but throw himself into Akane’s arms and hold him as if he wanted to break his bones. As if he wanted to break their two bodies and then reshape them together to form one.
How did he know? How did he know that it was exactly what Teru needed to hear? Does he understand him that well?
To his surprise, Akane doesn't repel him. He doesn't throw him away and scream at him that the only person he could ever hug was the love of his life. He even slides one of his hands to his hair and slowly strokes his blood-tainted locks.
Teru shivers when he feels Akane's hand on him, the other still holding the plastic bag. His grip in his hair is loose but present, and Teru tightens even more his in return, surrounding his body and sticking his arms in his back. He hides his face in the crook of his neck, once again showing vulnerability to this man who isn't entirely one.
"It's okay. You're okay."
His voice, his fucking voice, is even closer now. Teru feels like he could go mad, smelling his fragrance and feeling his body so close.
"...am I?"
"Yes. Yes you are, Teru."
It's addictive. To hear him say his name and feel his body against his. It's addicting.
It's strange because Akane doesn't say anything. He doesn't yell at him, doesn't call him gross or weird to be so relaxed in another man's embrace. His hand is protective on his head and he doesn't move, even when Teru holds him so tight that they're chest to chest and that they can feel each other.
Teru can feel Akane's heartbeat against his own torso, and the clock keeper can feel the exorcist's trembling body against his. That's probably the most intimate moment Teru has ever shared with someone (with a man-), whether physically or mentally, and it had to be with Akane.
Akane who always understands him, Akane who trusts him, Akane who doesn't hate him even when he uses him as a stress-toy, when he says he can't stand his personality, or even when he says he does hate him. Akane who's here, who never left, who stayed and fought by his side.
Akane who stayed, even knowing how horrible he was as a person.
"Akane..."
"I'm here. I'm not going anywhere."
Oh dear, how much he needed this man.
The clock keeper's voice is now so low that only Teru can hear it. His face is hidden in Teru's hair, not caring if the strands were stained by dried blood. His grip is a little tighter when he feels the older still trembling against him, but it stays relaxed enough for Teru to push him away whenever he wants.
Teru never knew how to show affection other than too much or not enough. And with Akane it's always too much. Because he makes him feel things he never felt before, and he doesn't want it to stop.
But all good things have to end.
Suddenly, after calming down a little, Teru remembers that they're in the middle of a street and that people can actually see them. That people from his clan could see him hugging a man. So he pushes back, still with slow movements though, and looks at Akane's face.
His mind felt clearer and his body stopped trembling. Teru feels like he can act like Teru again, and it's one of the first times it happened so quickly after he went for a night hunt. No need for a hard shower or look at his siblings to feel better, Akane's arms were enough.
There's not a lot of changes in his expression, maybe just a little less concern and more seriousness. Teru knows he should feel embarrassed, or even sorry for this sudden and unexplainable show of affection, but he isn't. He isn't because he needed this badly and Akane delivered knowing this. It's one of those moments that shows how deeply they care for each other, but they will never talk about it again because they're not ready to face it yet. To face those feelings and emotions a ghost and a human shouldn't feel, two men shouldn't feel.
"You stained my clothes," Akane sighs, seeing blood trails on him. "I actually liked this shirt..."
"Poor baby. Sorry for your loss."
"That wasn't even funny."
Teru's smile is back on his face, and it looks a little more real. Just for that, Akane forgives him. But he keeps his annoyed expression, because he can't stand showing kindness and acting rationally after having hugged Teru for what felt like hours.
But he still has to ask. Because when Akane cares, he has to do anything he can to make those cherished persons feel better.
"Are you feeling better?"
Teru's smile grows, and Akane knows it's because he's going to lie again.
"Better? Why better? I never felt down in the slightest."
Akane sighs. Sometimes he's scared about how much this man can be an open book. For him at least.
"I see..."
"Well now, thank you for this wonderful conversation Aoi, but I actually have to get home and look out for my siblings. See you tomorrow!"
Teru was about to walk away without any care in the world, acting totally different from the dark and moody demeanor from literally a few minutes ago, but he felt a hand grabbing his shirt and pulling him back.
"I'm coming with you."
Teru raises his eyebrow and turns a little to see Akane staring at him, seemingly a little more upset than a few seconds ago.
"I'm not sure that it's a good idea-"
"Because you thought I was giving you a choice? Stop talking and follow me. I'm coming with you."
Akane doesn't even let Teru say anything else as he walks ahead, passing him and heading in the direction of the Minamoto's home.
The exorcist looks at him with a slight surprised air before smiling gently, finally showing some real happiness after all the negative emotions he went through.
Then he leans his head back to look at the starry sky for the first time of the night. The celestial infinity was indeed beautiful tonight, reflecting a myriad of little stars dancing in the dark. They were shining as bright as they were able to, but the moon was here to help them carry the night, brightening the whole sky and protecting those little lights from heaven.
Maybe Teru was a star and Akane was his moon. When Teru's light became too cold and dim, Akane's bright persona was here to give him his light back. Teru was often compared to the sun, but he didn't agree with that. Because the moon needed the sun to shine and Akane didn't need him to be the brightest being Teru's ever met. He was bright by himself, shining and independent, strong minded and determined, but not too much for the eyes like the sun could sometimes be.
And Teru was weak and vulnerable, he needed Akane to tell him everything was okay so he could go on and continue to walk this blood-filled path. He needed Kou to need him and Tiara to smile at him to know he had reasons to go on.
Strangely, the drums in his head and the blood on his body felt lighter.
"Are you coming or not??"
Teru leans his head down hearing Akane's strong voice calling him out in the night. He was staring at him, with this usual upset expression he wears when he’s looking at Teru, and Teru strangely feels like home.
Akane said he was okay, so he was. He was, and he will be.
While he ran to catch up to him, Teru looked at the plastic bag Akane kept in his hand all this time.
"What's in your bag by the way?"
"Spicy ramen."
"You really have no taste in food."
"And you have no taste in life."
Teru smiles.
"Fair enough."