Even if it Hurts

by MelancholyMayhem

Summary:

No one said being Shane Walsh's sister was easy, especially in the apocalypse. Learning to navigate the end of the world both with and without her brother was harder. Falling in love with a redneck archer who's temper rivals her own? Impossible. Right?

I don't own any characters, dialogue, or storyline associated with The Walking Dead.

Chapter 1

The end of the world seemed to come suddenly for Natalie Walsh, even if it didn't actually. The news had a few reports about an illness over the last few weeks, but nothing new. She'd lived through SARS and Swine flu just in the last decade alone. She knew the news always made a bigger deal than it had to. Besides, her biggest worry was Rick being in a coma. Finding time to check on him whenever Shane and Lori couldn't, helping take care of Carl when Lori wanted to go visit her husband, and just making sure Lori knew that she was still family. Then came the evacuation talk. Getting people out of the cities. Shane had insisted it was for safety, and not to worry. So when her brother had called her to tell her to pack her shit and meet him at Rick’s house, even if she’d wanted to argue with him, to tell him she was a grown woman now, she couldn’t do anything except listen. Because the pain and fear in his voice was enough to make her blood run cold. So despite her plans to meet up with her boyfriend Graham in Atlanta before going to the evacuation camp at the stadium, she made her way to King County instead.

When she’d pulled up in her jeep behind Lori’s SUV, she saw Shane pulling suitcases behind him toward the car. She opened the door and as soon as he raised his head to look at her, her heart sunk. He stopped, leaving the suitcases on the sidewalk as he closed the gap between them, wrapping his arms around her. “He’s gone, Nat,” he practically whispered. When he pulled away, she could see the pain coloring his features. “I went to the hospital. Tried to get him,” he shook his head. “It was too late.”

The air left her lungs and she wasn’t sure she knew how to get it back. She’d forgotten how to breathe. Rick was as much her brother as Shane was. And he was gone. “Oh God,” she raised her hand to her mouth, sucking in a ragged breath. “Lori and Carl,” she turned to glance at the house before turning back to her brother, eyes wide.

“They’re inside dealin with the news,” he told her. He reached forward, wiping at her cheeks. “We gotta be strong for em, alright?” He rested his hands on her shoulders. When she nodded, he pulled her back to him for a hug, kissing the top of her head. “It’s gonna be alright. We’re headin to Atlanta. They’ve set up a camp until the military can get this stuff under control.”

“Shane, what exactly-”

“It’s bad, Nat. If I didn’t see it myself, I wouldn’t believe it. People goin down, they get back up,” he blew out a breath. “I know we don’t always see eye to eye. But it’s important that you listen to me, alright? This is life or death,” He stared into her eyes and she couldn’t ever remember seeing this almost desperate expression.

“Of course,” she nodded, feeling fear coat her insides. He was right. They’d had a history their whole lives of him telling her something and her doing the opposite. But that was when the world was normal, and when her life didn’t depend on him. Now, everything was different. She had no idea what was going on aside from the fact that she was having to uproot her life and leave everything behind. And that Shane was one of two people she trusted with her life. And now, he was the only one left.

She’d insisted on driving her jeep. She couldn’t leave it behind with the rest of her life. It had been Shane’s when he was younger, and he’d given it to her when he’d upgraded. The jeep had been the one constant in her life for many years, and it never gave up on her like so many people had. It held more good memories than any other place. She was glad for the privacy when the bombs had gone off in Atlanta. That was the moment she knew for sure things would never go back to the way they were. Bombing a major US city that was holding the refugee camp? It was supposed to be safety. She was supposed to be there with Graham. But now Atlanta was gone, and he’d gone with it.

“Natalie,” Shane sighed as he stood at the door to her jeep. “I know you’re dealin’. But why don’t you come stay in the car for the night? I’ll keep watch,” he offered, hands on his hips.

“I’m not tired,” she said flatly. She knew he could probably see the tears on her cheeks as she stared ahead, not bothering to look at him. But she didn’t care. “We’re it, Shane,” she finally looked up at him. “I was supposed to be there. With Graham,” she sucked in a breath, trying to stop the tears from starting again. First Rick, then Graham. She was losing all of the important people in her life. “What're we gonna do?”

“I don’t know,” he shook his head. “But we aren’t doin anything until mornin. And these people are gettin rowdy.”

“I’m good,” she told him, patting the gun holster on her hip. She wasn’t going to leave her jeep abandoned, and she certainly wasn’t going to get any sleep. “You and Lori should sleep. I’ll be up anyway.” She could see the wheels turning in his head, as he tried to figure out what was his next move. It was always the struggle with Shane. He was a hot head. His first instinct had always been to punch out the boy who’d broken her heart. To find a way to physically hurt whoever hurt her. He wasn’t the one with the gentle words and the advice. That was Rick. And he was gone. So now her brother had to find a way to fill that role or leave her be. Finally, he sighed, nodded, and went back to the SUV. She’d caught him turning back to check on her through the night, but she appreciated that he gave her space.

The screaming came around dawn, and she felt like she’d been doused in icy water. She turned in the direction people were screaming, where gun shots were ringing out, and she was certain her heart had never pounded so hard. She could see blood, people running. “Oh God,” she brought her hand to her mouth as she watched someone biting another, blood pouring out and anguished screams piercing the air. Shane came flying off the hood of the SUV where he’d been sitting, keeping watch, yelling for her to get off the road.

She followed without hesitation, her breathing heavy as he pulled off the road and down toward the ditch. She could see other cars following them, and she wondered if they would continue following until he found them a safe place. He stopped in a clearing, and she wasn’t the only car that stopped with him. She grabbed her gun before she got out of the car. She had no idea what had just happened, but she was not going to let some strangers hurt her or her family. “What the fuck was that?” She asked in a harsh whisper when she reached him. She snuck a glance at Carl, who was looking scared in the back seat. She hoped he hadn’t seen what she had.

He put a hand on her shoulder. “I told you, Nat. I wouldn’t have believed it if I hadn’t seen it. Somethin’s wrong with those people. We’re gonna need to find somewhere safe. Maybe put some signs up for the military. They’re gonna be evacuatin.”

“Shane, the military just dropped Napalm on the entire fucking city of Atlanta. We really want to be advertisin where we are?” She frowned.

“Right now, all I want is to get you guys somewhere safe,” he said, looking around at the others that had joined them. Lori came around the front of the car, standing next to Shane. Natalie could see the fear in her eyes. Not that she could blame her. She had to protect Carl and people were literally eating each other in this new world. People started funneling out of their cars, looking at each other and clearly hoping someone had a plan. “Everyone stay calm,” he called out to them. “Was anyone hurt?” He asked, and she looked at the group, who shook their head and answered in various versions of the word no.

“Shane, what are we gonna do? Where are we gonna go?” Lori looked up at him, asking quietly.

Shane’s hands found his hips as he looked around. An older man stepped forward. “There’s a quarry. Few miles up. We’d have access to water, and a good vantage point,” he offered. “I marked it as a place to see while I was down here.”

Shane nodded. “Best plan we’ve got. At least until we can come up with a more permanent solution.” He patted Natalie’s arm and put a hand on Lori’s shoulder before turning back to the man. “We’ll follow you-” he let his words hang.

“Dale,” the man answered.

“Alright Dale. You’re in front. Everyone else, stay in line,” he told them. “It’s gonna be alright. We’ll figure everything out,” Shane looked between her and Lori. “Come on. Let’s go,” he nodded his head toward the RV that was pulling forward in front of them.

Chapter 2

What was supposed to be a couple days had turned into weeks. She checked in with Andrea every once in a while on the date, knowing the woman was keeping track since Amy’s birthday was coming up. She hated not knowing the date, the time. Not having any sense of normal. “What are you up to?” Shane sat down next to her one morning. She’d already finished laundry and helped prepare and hand out breakfast to anyone who was up.

She held up the flower crown she’d been working on. “It’s for Sophia. And I’ll make one for Eliza.” She wasn’t sure how she’d taken on the role of child entertainer, but somehow she’d found herself feeling the need to make sure the kids were okay. And that they were happy. So she played games with them, chased them around the water when they swam, and made little crafts. She guessed a lot of it came from looking after Carl whenever Lori was off on her own. And that she felt sorry for Sophia. Because while she hadn’t seen bruises on her, she was almost certain Ed was abusive, at least to Carol. And that made her want to do anything to make the girl feel happy and cared for.

He watched as she weaved flowers and stems around and laughed. “You used to make those when you were little.”

She nodded. “I remember. I made you and Rick wear them so you could be a part of my kingdom,” she chuckled lightly. It was nice to think about better times. She felt like lately, all she did was think about the kids or worry about what was going to happen.

“Which was silly since it was Rick’s treehouse you took over,” he laughed. “You’ve been a real help, you know. Helpin with the kids. Keepin their spirits up. I’m proud of you,” he told her.

She nodded. “You know what would show me your appreciation?” She set down her flowers and looked at him. She knew the answer before the words even left her mouth. But she couldn’t know if she didn’t ask. She was restless. And as much as she loved the kids, she didn’t want to be on babysitting duty forever. It had been fun the first week. But then it became something that just seemed to fall on her more and more. He looked at her expectantly. She could tell he was already ready to say no. “I wanna go out with Glenn. Just to the highway, not in the city,” she added quickly before he could say no.

“Natalie,” he shook his head.

“Listen, please. I’m just gettin restless. I could use the time out. And I hate him goin out there alone. He’s already told me no to goin into the city, but he said if you agreed, that he’d take me down to search cars. He knows the risk level. He wouldn’t put me in any unnecessary danger.”

“Any danger out there is unnecessary,” he told her. “I'm tellin you the answer is no.”

“But he shouldn’t be goin out there alone all the time. Someone should be watchin his back,” she argued.

He readjusted his hat, and she knew he was frustrated with her. “Fine. You want him to have backup? I’ll send one of the guys out with him.”

She narrowed her eyes at him and forced herself to take a breath. She would not get into it with him. She’d been trying to keep her cool a lot lately, but he made it difficult. She loved Shane, but living in close quarters with him and having to listen to him play leader all the time was getting to her. “So I can’t go because I’m not a man?” She raised a brow.

“Now you know damn well that’s not what-” he groaned. “Stop lookin at me like that. Now I’m not bein sexist, I’m bein realistic. You can’t go because I’m responsible for your safety. How many other women here do you think have ever fired a gun? A couple?” He asked. “And of those couple, you think any of them know how to shoot under stress? Hit a moving target? Shake off the adrenaline that comes with holdin that weapon and knowin it’s the only thing keepin you alive?”

“I do. All three,” she told him. “In fact, you know that. Because you taught me, remember?”

“I taught you so you could protect yourself, not so you can go pretend you’re livin in the wild west. Now I’ll tell him if you don’t want to, but the answer is no.”

She nodded. “Fine,” she muttered. She knew when the discussion was over. In reality, she knew he’d never give her the okay. And he’d kill her and Glenn if she snuck off with him to go. He ruffled her hair before standing up. The gesture drove her crazy. Made her feel like she was still 10 years old. “Where you off to?” She asked.

“Just takin a walk around the perimeter,” he told her. “I’ll be back before dark.” She watched him go, as he did often. She’d thought it was odd, how often he walked around, but not totally out of character. Her brother was a paranoid man. He liked to make sure they had a plan. That everything was in control. In his control, to be exact. But he walked around far more than the others.

It wasn’t until Morales had come back with Jim from walking the perimeter, days later, despite Shane claiming that was where he was going, that she questioned it. And when she saw Lori come walking back just a few minutes before Shane, looking guilty, she couldn’t believe she’d missed it. It was like a lightbulb lit up in her brain. She stomped toward Shane. “I need to talk to you,” she told him as she walked past him, knowing he’d follow. She stopped at the jeep, crossing her arms as she watched him walk toward her, rubbing the back of his neck.

“What’s gotten into you?” He asked. “What could I have possibly done to piss you off? I’ve barely seen you today. Don't tell me you're all hot again about me not lettin you go out there to get torn apart by those freaks,” He put his hands on his hips, his jaw set.

She stared at him, narrowing her eyes before reaching forward and smacking his arm. “You stupid son of a bitch! That’s Rick’s wife.” She couldn’t believe she’d missed it over the last several weeks. Were they that careful? Or had she just been that blind?

“You shut the hell up,” he growled in a harsh whisper, looking around. “Rick ain’t here. No one’s cheatin on anyone,” he added. “Don’t you go runnin your mouth about shit you don’t understand.”

“He’s been dead for weeks, Shane. Weeks!” She forced herself to take a deep breath to calm down. “She’s grievin and you’re takin advantage.”

“Now let me tell you somethin, Nat. I’m not takin advantage of her,” he pointed his finger in her face, which only made her scowl more. “Lori, she’s been so damn strong through all of this. That woman has lost the world and she’s still keepin it together. We care about each other. Don’t be pissed at me because you can’t understand that.”

“I understand Merle Dixon offers me a spot in his tent every chance he gets,” she rolled her eyes. “And if he got me to fuck him in the woods, it sure as hell wouldn’t be because I loved him.”

“Don’t be so damn crass,” he frowned and shook his head, pacing around in his spot. “You really comparin me to Merle Dixon?”

She blew out a breath, knowing that was an unfair comparison. Because she didn’t have any love for Merle. And Lori and Shane had been friends for years. They did genuinely care about each other. “No,” she sighed. “You’re nothin like him. I know that. But Shane, you think this ends well for anyone? She’s grievin Rick,” she chewed at her bottom lip, her expression softening. “And it sounds like you think you’re gonna be a stepfather at the end of all this. And I’m just tellin you that’s not how this ends.” Lori was sad. And missed her husband. This thing with Shane was not serious for her. She'd seen the guilt on her face. She wanted comfort and safety. Maybe a distraction. Not love.

“Natalie, just mind your own fuckin business for once. You’ve always gone through boyfriends faster than shoes. So quit actin like you know shit about love,” he frowned and walked off, leaving her feeling breathless. Part of the problem with the Walsh temper was that they had a habit of going for the low blows.

She’d put Shane into a foul mood for the rest of the night. He seemed ready to snap at every little thing, and even simple questions were met with short tempered answers. “What’s been goin on with Shane tonight?” Amy muttered as she threw a card on the table in front of her. Amy, Glenn and Natalie had taken up nightly gaming as the kids went to bed as a way to relax and feel a bit normal.

“We're not seein eye to eye these days,” she told her, picking up the card Amy had discarded and added it to the ones in her hand. She hated that she couldn't talk about what the problem was. Get another perspective. “It's fine. He'll sleep it off and everything will be back to normal tomorrow.” At least she hoped it would be.

“Yeah, because he’s always so level headed,” Glenn raised a brow, and when she looked at him and burst out laughing, he and Amy both joined in.

“I wish I’d traveled more,” she sighed as they continued playing. “Wish I’d gone to Europe after college like I swore I would. I always wanted to live in some little French town like in Beauty and the Beast,” she laughed.

“Yeah, but then you may not be here at this luxurious camp we’ve created,” he grinned over at her, discarding his final card, winning the round. Glenn always won, which annoyed her. But she’d deal with it if it meant she got to have some time to feel normal every night.

“You think things are like this all over?” Amy asked. “I mean, it’s possible it’s not at bad in some places, right?” She looked at Natalie and then Glenn. And Natalie knew it was because she was hoping her parents were safe.

He sighed. “I don’t know. Probably. Hard to imagine it’s just us,” he told her. He cleaned up the cards, pushing them back into their box. Dale had only agreed to lend them his cards and games if they returned them in the same condition they’d received them. “I try not to think about it. My mom and dad are in Michigan. I like to pretend they’re fine,” he added quietly. He didn’t talk about his family much. She guessed it was painful. The way talking about Rick or Graham or her friends was painful to her.

“You think we’re ever gonna find somewhere safe?” She asked quietly. She knew the others didn’t like talking about these things. Almost like they were in denial. Shane always shut her down when she asked, telling her they’d head to Fort Benning once things calmed down. But every time Glenn or the others reported back from runs, there seemed to be more of them. And that always delayed their plans.

“The geeks can’t survive forever, right? We just gotta wait them out. The military will probably come in and clean up once they figure things out,” he told her.

“Military ain’t comin out,” Merle Dixon, followed by his brother, approached the table. Merle plopped next to Natalie on log she was sitting on, causing her to scoot closer to the edge. “They bombed and ran. And now we’re on our own. Don’t worry darlin. Come crawl into my tent and ol’ Merle will keep you safe,” he grinned over at her.

She narrowed her eyes at him. She disliked Merle. He was a junkie and a loudmouth racist. But he and Daryl could hunt and shoot, which made them valuable. More valuable than most people at camp, if she was being honest. And most of the time, the other men, and probably his brother, kept him mostly in line. But nothing kept him from hitting on her. And it made her skin crawl. “I’d rather take my chances with the geeks,” she rolled her eyes.

Merle laughed, as always, undeterred. “I get it. You got an asian fetish,” he glanced over to Glenn. “Can’t tell me he’s keepin ya satisfied at night.”

“No one is keepin me satisfied at night-” she regretted the words as soon as they left her mouth because Merle barked out a laugh and she could see Daryl lower his head with a quiet laugh.

“Well that’s the problem then, ain’t it?” Merle reached out and pulled at one of her waves of dark hair. His fingertip traced down her bare arm. "I can help with that."

She forced out an exhale and smacked his hand away. “Touch me again, and I’ll cut off that hand,” she arched an eyebrow and finally the smile was gone from his face.

“Think you’re a tough bitch, do ya?” He leaned forward so his face was closer to hers, and he looked like he wanted to attack her. She knew she shouldn’t antagonize him. Shane had warned her to just stay away from him and Daryl. To let it go when Merle got mouthy. To let him deal with it. But she couldn’t stop herself. She’d always had a mouth on her and she’d just about had it with him. “Maybe someone needs to smack that smug little mouth and teach you somethin,” he growled.

Blood was rushing in her ears and she hadn’t even noticed Glenn get up until he’d pulled her up and behind him. “Back off, man,” he told him. And she wished he hadn’t. Because as much as Glenn was a sweet guy who wanted to protect her, he was a much bigger target for Merle than she’d ever been.

“And just what are you gonna do about it?” Merle stood, and stepped forward menacingly.

“I’m not afraid of you,” Glenn told him and he sounded so unlike his normal happy self. “You think I haven’t met assholes like you before? Why don’t you just go back to your tent and leave her alone?”

“My problem ain’t with her anymore,” Merle narrowed his eyes at him.

“Stop this,” she stepped between them. “I’m not havin you two get into a fight,” she raised her chin to show Merle she wasn't afraid of him. She wasn’t sure if that was the truth, but she’d learned pretty quickly that if you acted tougher than you felt, most people didn’t want to test if it was true. She knew Merle was an asshole, and she had no doubt he’d swing at Glenn. But she wasn’t sure if he was the type of man to hit a woman, let alone one much smaller than him. “And if you wanna get to him, you’re gonna go through me,” she hoped he couldn’t hear her heart, because she was certain she could hear it pounding quickly.

“The hell's goin on out here?” Shane came rushing over from his tent, Amy following behind. Natalie wasn’t sure at what point she’d gone to get him, but she was thankful for the girl more than ever. He took in the situation with Merle standing over her for just a moment before he intervened. “We got a problem here, Dixon? The fuck are you doin with my sister?” He asked and she could hear it. The brother voice. This wasn’t camp leader Shane. This was her big brother, ready and willing to hurt anyone who threatened her. She knew he’d been looking for any reason to lay hands on Merle Dixon and this was as good as any.

Merle glanced from her back to Shane for just a moment before putting on that same grin he always wore when we was aggravating someone. “No problem here, Sheriff. Just a friendly conversation with the little deputy,” he chuckled with a shrug.

“Didn’t sound too friendly to me,” Shane challenged. He turned to her. “You alright?”

She nodded. ‘Yeah. It’s not a big deal. Really,” she reached over and touched his arm to reassure him. She didn’t want anyone getting into a fight with Merle Dixon. She knew Shane could hold his own, but she certainly didn’t want to test it against a large redneck high on who knew what. “Seriously, Shane. We’re done. We were just gettin ready to turn in for the night.”

“Stay away from her. I’m warnin you,” he pointed at Merle’s chest, which she worried he might take personally and the look on his face and tension in his jaw told her as much.

“Walk it off, bro,” Daryl said quietly, now at Merle’s side. “They ain’t worth it.” She wondered if he was calmer than his brother or if he just didn't want to deal with the aftermath.

Merle held his stance for just a beat before turning to Daryl. “Yeah, let’s go,” he said, and she watched the brothers disappear back toward their tent.

Shane turned on her. “Nat, I told you not to get mixed up with him,” he sighed.

“It’s my fault,” Glenn stepped forward. “I should have just walked away. I riled him up.”

“No, really it was me,” she told Shane. “I appreciate you steppin in though,” she smiled at Glenn before turning back to her brother. “I’ll work on keepin my temper in check. Promise,” she told him. When he nodded, she reached up and hugged him. She was so grateful to him for coming to her rescue, even with how pissed he had been at her. She hoped he understood that she wasn’t holding a grudge. That her run in with Merle reminded her that they weren’t playing house. They didn’t know who these people were or what they were capable of. Lori, Shane, and Carl were her family. At the end of the day, she knew that it was her family against the world. They were the ones who needed to protect each other, though she was certain after tonight she could make room in her family for Amy and Glenn.

Notes:

Thank you again for reading! These first few chapters are coming out close together, partly because I had them pretty close to done, but also because it's just a lot of build up. But overall, there's just not a lot that I think would be changed or affected by anyone different at the camp. I tried rewriting a few things, but I just can't see her getting along with pre-Atlanta Daryl because of him listening to Merle, and because of Shane. And we know the really interesting problems between the characters didn't start until after Atlanta anyway. So tonight, I have two going up in order to get those out and get the story moving forward. I truly appreciate you taking the time to read and comment and leave kudos 😊

Chapter 3

She'd had a bad feeling when Glenn told her he was taking a group into Atlanta a week later. And even more so when he told her Merle was going. But T-Dog and Morales would be there, he'd reminded her, so it wasn't like Merle was going to be able to beat him and throw him to the walkers. Or so she told herself. She’d felt sick when the radio went silent after T-Dog announced they were surrounded. “Shane, someone needs to try to help,” Natalie walked over to where he and Lori were standing, crossing her arms. Lori looked at her nervously, and she wondered if Shane had told her that she knew about them.

“I've already had this talk with Amy. They knew the risks. No one else is goin. Now I know you like Glenn. He's a good kid. But there's nothin to be done. Even if I was willing to risk someone goin, you heard that message. He said they were surrounded. There's no way to help them.” His voice was soft and she knew he understood how much she’d grown attached to Glenn.

“Fine,” she nodded, knowing deep down he wasn't wrong. But the thought of losing Glenn, and of Amy losing Andrea was unbearable.

She'd settled in front of her tent, mindlessly flipping playing cards over on the ground in front of her. She'd started with the intention of solitaire, to keep her mind busy. But once she started laying down cards, she couldn't focus. “You're sad,” Carl sat cross legged next to her. “Is it because Glenn and the others aren't coming back?” She looked over at him, her brows pinched. “Eliza and Louis are sad too,” he added.

“Yeah, kid. I'm sad,” she nodded. “Glenn was my friend. I'll miss him.”

“Like dad,” he replied.

She looked over and could see the tears shining in his eyes. She leaned over, pulling him toward her in a one armed hug. “Yeah. I miss your dad a lot,” she said quietly.

“Me too,” he replied, a quiet sniffle coming from her side. She didn't have to look at him to know the tears were falling.

“You know, your dad would be so proud of how you’re handlin things. You’ve been so grown up through this,” she said, leaning her head on his. She felt him wrap his other arm around her, burrowing against her in a hug. She couldn’t remember the last time he’d done this. Years ago, when he was little, maybe. He’d gotten too old for hugs around the time he started 3rd grade, which had made her sad. She wrapped her other arm around him, settling into the hug.

“Carl, come on. I wanna get your hair cut before it rains,” Lori walked up to them.

Carl pulled away from Natalie. “But mom,” he groaned.

“Go on. Listen to your mama,” Natalie smiled at him and patted his back. He narrowed his eyes for just a moment at her, as if to call her a traitor, before sighing and following Lori a few feet away. Natalie couldn’t stop herself from laughing as she watched Carl fidget and Lori grow more and more frustrated, adjusting and readjusting his head. She was only half listening as Shane insisted he’d teach Carl to catch frogs.

Carl turned back to face Natalie. “You like frog legs too? And catchin’ frogs?”

Natalie's laughter that bubbled out of her as she nodded. “Yeah, kid. Shane and your dad used to take me frog catchin all the time. Of course, Shane stopped takin me because I was better than him,” she grinned over at her brother.

Shane shook his head. “Absolutely not. Girl, I stopped bringin you because you almost drowned yourself divin in after em. No form whatsoever. Felt sorry for you every time you came up empty,” he laughed before turning back to Carl. “Don't listen to them, man. You and me, we'll be heroes. We'll feed these folks cajun-style Kermit legs.”

The sound of a car alarm stopped them all in their tracks. All three of them looked to Shane, who was back into leader mode, all fun forgotten. “Talk to me, Dale!” He said as Dale looked around the hills with his binoculars.

“I can’t tell yet.”

“Come on,” Natalie hopped up and grabbed the sheet Lori had draped from around Carl’s shoulders, pulling them both back and away from the entrance to camp. She had her hand on her hip, where her gun sat in its holster. “Shane, what’re we doin?” She called out.

“Is it them? Are they back?” Amy came running, excited. Hopeful.

“You all stay back,” he told her. “Dale!” He barked out again.

“Well I’ll be damned,” Dale sounded pleased and amazed.

“What is it?” Shane asked. She could still hear the tension in his voice.

“Stolen car is my guess,” Dale answered.

Shane looked back, his eyes flicking over hers quickly before settling on Lori. When his eyes found hers again, he shook his head ever so slightly, indicating that he wasn’t sure what was going to happen. Until the car came speeding to a stop at the top of the hill. Shane immediately went running toward him, yelling at Glenn to turn off the horn. At Glenn, she realized, who’d come back alive. She felt frozen as she watched Amy run up to him, asking him about the others. It wasn’t until his eyes found hers and he smiled, as if she hadn’t just spent hours thinking he was dead, that she finally moved. She ended up in a run before she found him, wrapping her arms around his neck while he laughed and returned her embrace. “You asshole,” she laughed, tears in her eyes, as she pulled away. She smacking him lightly on the shoulder. “I thought you were dead.”

“Came pretty close,” he shrugged as a box truck came to a stop at the entrance to camp. She watched as Andrea and Amy exchanged tearful reunions and Morales reunited with his family and the others.

“So how’d y’all get outta there anyway?” Shane asked. Natalie rolled her eyes with a laugh. He couldn’t ever let anyone just have a damn moment. Always needed the info. The who, what, and how.

“New guy. Got us out,” Glenn replied.

“New guy?” Shane looked between Glenn and Morales.

“Yeah. Crazy Vato just got into town. Hey, helicopter boy! Come say hello,” he called back to the truck. “The guy’s a cop, just like you,” he added.

There was no time to register that comment though, as she saw Rick. She was certain she’d fallen asleep and when she woke up, Glenn and the others would still be gone. This was all just a dream and she was going to suffer immensely for her euphoria at seeing Glenn alive again. Except it wasn’t a dream. Because she could feel Glenn’s warm arm around her as she was shaking. And she heard the cry of Carl. She could see the guilt on Lori’s face. And the struggle on her brother’s as he watched Rick reunite with Lori and Carl. His eyes met hers and she felt sick. Both for her brother, who she knew was going to end up heartbroken, and for Rick, who never would have expected his wife to get involved with his best friend.

It wasn't until Rick’s arms were around her in a hug she thought she’d never get again that she'd truly let herself feel it. That it wasn't a dream or a trick of her mind. He was there. And all the worry she'd held at seeing him faded away. Because it could be dealt with later. All that mattered was the pure excitement she felt and seeing that look on Carl's face. She could see Lori still seeming to come to terms with the fact that her husband was alive, and that she’d been sleeping with his best friend while he searched for her. And then she saw the look of accusation as Lori’s eyes found Shane’s.

She kept finding Shane's face across the fire as Rick recounted the story of waking up and ending up in Atlanta. She couldn't recall seeing that look before, and had no clue what he was thinking, which was unusual for her. Was he angry about Rick returning? Or glad to see his best friend? Maybe a mixture of both. By the confrontation she watched with Ed over the fire, she guessed the anger was bubbling at the surface. She hoped once that faded, he’d be left with only the relief at having his brother back with him.

She’d found him sitting in her jeep after everyone went to bed. “I’m never gettin this jeep back, am I?” She climbed into the passenger seat, trying to keep things light. She didn’t need to be able to see his face to know he was hurting. She wished she’d been wrong about him and Lori. But she couldn’t bring herself to wish Rick hadn’t come back. She’d prefer Shane to have a broken heart to never seeing Rick again.

“Was mine first,” he told her. She could hear the strain in his voice, even if he tried not to let it through. He’d never liked her to see him in pain. She assumed it was because he was her big brother, and he felt like he always had to protect her. He didn’t seem to think he could do that if she saw him when he was vulnerable.

“Shane,” she sighed.

“Don’t. Don’t say I told you so. I don’t need to hear it,” he interrupted. His voice was thick, and she could only think she couldn’t remember ever seeing her brother cry. He’d had the same tone when their parents died a few years prior, but he’d never let her see any tears fall.

“I wasn’t,” she shook her head. “I was gonna say I’m sorry. I know you felt-“ she stopped. She didn’t know just how deep his feelings truly were, but the way he talked about her, she hadn’t heard from him before. “I know this is complicated. I just wanted to say I’m sorry,” she shrugged. She didn’t know what else to say? It was easy to be pissed at Shane about it earlier. But having Rick back made her feel like an asshole for her conversation. Even if she was a little bit right. Because Lori didn’t look twice at Shane once Rick was back. God, she wished it wasn’t Rick’s wife, because she wanted nothing more than to drag Rick out of bed so he could give Shane a pep talk. He was so much better at it than she was.

Shane nodded, leaning back against the headrest. “I really thought he was gone, Nat. He was hooked up to so many machines and they were shootin people at the hospital. Him survivin was-“ He groaned, running his hand down his face before he looked over at her. “I’m glad he’s alive. You know that, right? That’s my brother,” he insisted. She couldn't deny she'd been wondering, but he didn't need more accusation. He needed someone in his corner.

“I know,” she said quietly, and he must have believed her because he leaned back again, looking up at the stars. She wished she could say it with more conviction. That she could offer some wisdom or advice. Anything that might put his mind at ease. But really, how do you approach that? There’s no easy way to comfort your brother who was carrying on with his best friend’s wife and then said best friend happened to come back to life against all odds. Where was the precedent? She had nothing to go on. And Shane could say he was glad Rick was alive all he wanted, and she knew that was probably true. But he was not happy he’d come to camp and ruined things with Lori. She followed her brother’s lead, leaning against the headrest and looking up at the sky.

Notes:

Thank you so much again! I'm partially done with the next few, so hopefully they will be up soon!

Chapter 4

“Rick, I wanna come with you,” she told him as the group prepared to leave for Atlanta. She didn’t like the idea of Rick, T-Dog, and Glenn out there with an explosive Daryl Dixon. She couldn’t entirely blame him. Even if she disliked his brother, he didn’t. And if it was her brother handcuffed on a roof from some new guy she didn’t know, she would have probably tried to shoot the guy. She understood the anger. But it didn’t make her any less nervous.

He shook his head. “It's too dangerous. If somethin happened to you-"

“You’d be there. Like always,” she interrupted. “I trust you to protect me. And someone needs to be there for you. We just got you back, and you're just off again? What if you don't come back this time? What do you think Lori and Carl will do? They won’t get over it.” She understood exactly why he was going. It was what made him the man he was. Where Shane would burn the world to save his family, Rick would try to find a way to save them all. But it was also what she worried would get him killed in whatever the world had turned into.

“I’ll come back,” he assured her. “Look. If you were out there, I'd be worried about you. Unable to do what I need to do. We'll be back before you know it. I promise. Natty, I need you here with the rest of my family,” he told her, putting a hand on her shoulder.

She wanted to argue, but it wasn't easy to argue with Rick like it was Shane. Because Shane pushed her buttons like only a brother could. And Rick was always just so reasonable. Finally, she nodded. But she couldn’t stop the sinking feeling in her gut. The thought of Rick going back out again, without her or her brother there to help him sounded awful. “Alright, but don’t let Dixon get you guys hurt, alright? You do whatever you have to do to come back.”

“I can handle it,” he grinned. “I’ve handled you and Shane our whole lives. Two rednecks who probably wanna kill me is nothin in comparison to you havin it out,” he laughed.

“We weren’t that bad,” she tried weakly to protest, but she couldn’t do anything but laugh. She knew they were. At least when they were kids. Things got better once she got older. Again, she nodded, and hugged him. “I’ll see you soon,” she told him. “I’m so glad you’re back.” He nodded and left her to finish preparing. Unfortunately for her, she didn’t feel any better about them going as she sat on the hood of one of the cars with Lori and Carl, watching Shane give him a handful of bullets. She’d found Lori’s hand as they watched them load up into the truck. The woman looked at her with shining eyes, and squeezed her hand, smiling weakly. “He’ll be back before you know it,” Natalie told her, mirroring Rick’s words. Lori nodded again, leaning her head on Natalie’s shoulder as they watched the truck pull off.

Carl had insisted on bringing her when Shane offered to help him catch frogs. She’d initially thought to say no, but decided it would be as good of a distraction for her as it would be for him. She couldn’t remember laughing as hard as she did watching Shane drench himself splashing around, and hearing Carl laughing the way she hadn’t heard since before Rick was shot. “And you say I have no form,” she teased her brother as she seated herself on one of the nearby rocks.

“I’m helpin him catch frogs, not tryin to grab em myself,” he replied. “Don’t listen to her, man. We’re doin it exactly right. What have you got?” He asked Carl.

Carl held up the net. “Dirt.” Shane nodded, undeterred and insisting they’d end up with some of them eventually.

“Hey, Carl, what did I tell you about not leaving Dale's sight?” Lori came walking down. Natalie knew her well enough to know that tone.

Carl groaned, as he so often did when Lori gave him instruction. “But Shane said we could catch frogs, remember?”

“It doesn't matter what Shane says. It matters what I say. Go on back to camp. I'll be right behind you,” she insisted. While he gave her an irritated look, he didn’t disobey her. Instead, he walked back up toward camp, slumped shoulders, and decidedly less happy than he’d been.

Shane looked at her. “I've got to tell you, I do not think you should be taking this out on him,” he told her. Lori looked over at Natalie, and he shook his head, blowing out a breath. “She knows, Lori. She’s not blind. She figured it out a while ago.”

“Maybe I should leave you two to talk,” Natalie said quietly when Lori gave her a look that she knew meant she was less than pleased about this news. But really, she was probably embarrassed that anyone knew. And probably worried about if she would tell Rick. Not that she had any desire to. She didn’t like lying to him, but she also knew how much Lori loved Rick. And that Shane would never be a replacement for that. Which meant it was over, and nothing that needed talking about anymore. She walked over to where the other women were working on laundry, with Ed suspiciously close. “You need any help?”

“Nice of you to join us at the end of the task, but we’ve got it covered. Feel free to go back to splashing around,” Andrea rolled her eyes. She was tense. Amy gave her an apologetic look, but Natalie knew it wasn’t about her. Ed clearly had her on edge. Andrea looked back at Ed, sighing as she stood up. “Ed, tell you what. You don't like how your laundry is done, you are welcome to pitch in and do it yourself. Here,” she tossed a shirt at him, and he threw it back hard, earning a gasp from her.

“Ain't my job, missy,” Ed took a drag from his cigarette.

Natalie knew Andrea didn’t like Ed. All of the women disliked him, having seen Carol bruised. But Andrea was the loudest about it. If it was up to her, she would have sent him out to the city and left him. But it wasn’t. And Carol refused to hear anything about it when they tried to convince her she didn’t deserve it. “What is your job, Ed? Sitting on your ass smoking cigarettes?” Andrea mocked.

Ed glared down at her. “Well, it sure as hell ain't listening to some uppity smart-mouthed bitch. Tell you what,” he stopped, looking over at Carol. “Come on. Let's go.” He tried to get Carol to leave with him, but Andrea and Jacqui protested, trying to keep her with them. Natalie knew it wasn’t any good. That if Carol wasn’t ready to stand up to him, and she didn’t seem like she was, they couldn’t stop her from complying with his demands. It wasn’t until he’d smacked Carol that Natalie felt the need to get involved. It hadn’t even been a conscious decision, but she found herself next to Andrea, pushing him, while Jacqui tried to pull his arm back.

Shane was there before she’d even realized it, pulling Ed away and throwing him to the ground, ignoring his protests. Natalie looked back at Carol, who Amy still had in her arms, trying to comfort her, and ultimately, keep her away from this altercation. They all watched, almost frozen as Shane hit Ed over and over. At first, it was just what Ed deserved, but every time Shane’s fist connected with Ed’s face, the shock turned to more horror. Shane wasn’t letting up, and she could see blood pouring from Ed’s face. For the first time in her life, she was watching her brother lose control. She ran toward them, reaching out to try to grab his arm, but it was no use. “Shane, stop! Just stop!” She pleaded. The women were all still screaming behind her, and she could hear Carol’s sobs and pleas for him to leave Ed alone.

Shane finally stopped, grabbing Ed’s face. “You put your hands on your wife, your little girl or anybody else in this camp one more time, I will not stop next time. Do you hear me? Do you hear me?!” He waited for acknowledgement. “I'll beat you to death, Ed. I'll beat you to death.” Shane hit him one more time and then kicked him in the stomach before stomping away.

She stared at the ruined remains of Ed’s face, and listened to the cries of Carol as she rushed over, apologizing as she tried to soothe him. She still felt frozen. It had been a long time since she’d seen her brother so angry. “Carol,” She put a hand on her back, but Carol pushed her away.

“Go. Just go. You’ve done enough,” Carol cried as she leaned over Ed, trying to take care of him.

She looked back at the others, who looked at her as if she’d been just as involved in beating Ed before walking back up to the camp alone. She found him pouring water over his knuckles, and stopped a few feet from him. “You wanna talk about that?” When he looked at her as if he didn’t understand what she would need to talk about she frowned. “Never seen you lose control quite like that.”

“What that man does to his wife, his child-” he stopped and took a breath. “If you think he wouldn’t have beat every one of you bloody to get back to her, you’re foolin yourself. I’m not gonna have someone like that around here,” he told her angrily.

“So it has nothin to do with that conversation you just had with Lori?” She crossed her arms. She knew he could dress it up as much as he liked, but that had everything to do with Lori. He looked like he wanted to deny it. “You need to get it together, Shane. You can’t run around actin like a loose cannon because you’re angry. You know I’m here for you no matter what, but that isn’t gonna be true for everyone. So please, figure it out before they tell us both to leave,” she told him, walking off and leaving him alone, hoping some time alone might calm him down.

The mood at camp had shifted entirely when Amy and Andrea brought back the fish, and Natalie wondered if that was part of the reason they’d done it. It was very like Amy to want to lift other people’s spirits. The men had taken the canoe out many times over the last month, but come back with barely anything, if anything at all. “We are never letting the men go out again,” she smiled over at Amy who grinned. “You two are officially camp providers from now on. I worship at the church of the Harrison sisters,” she added with a laugh before taking another bite of her fish. She wished they guys would come back from the city. It was the only thing that could make the night better. Even Shane seemed in better spirits after having a good meal and some laughter, and Lori didn’t seem to be quite as angry with him anymore.

“I’ll be back,” she told Shane as she stood up. She grabbed her dwindling pack of cigarettes from her back pocket and walked to the cars. She didn’t smoke often, usually whenever she was particularly hungry. But it had been so long since she’d had a good meal, and it made her want that coveted after dinner smoke. She sat on the hood of her jeep, looking out over the hills. It was dark and she wondered if they were on their way back. Had something gone wrong? She was pulled out of her thoughts by a scream. And then came gunfire. “Shit!” She muttered as she threw her cigarette down, her feet carrying her without thought. She was horrified at the scene in front of her. People were screaming, and she watched as people she knew were being taken down by the geeks. She found Shane, who was corralling Lori, Carol, and the kids back toward the RV. He screamed at her desperately, trying to get her to move toward them.

“Natalie!” Morales called from behind her and she turned around, realizing two of them were coming for her, just feet away. Her heart felt like it was going to beat out of her chest as she raised her gun. She knew she was shaking, but she kept focusing on Shane and Rick teaching her to shoot. Making her run through clip after clip on moving targets to make sure she would always be prepared to defend herself. She didn’t have to think when she shot. It was muscle memory, just as Shane had always told her.

She heard Shane yell at her to go left, and she didn’t have to think twice about listening to him. He could see the surrounding area and she was in panic mode, just doing her best to stay out of grasp. But her first step, she felt fingers close around her ankle, and went crashing to the ground with a squeal. She kicked at the one who’d grabbed her over and over as she searched frantically with her hand for the gun that had fallen with her. Growling to her left indicated another one had found her, and suddenly she wasn’t just kicking at the one to her feet, she was wrestling with one above her. She screamed as she tried to push it off her, but she had no leverage. She only hoped that Shane wouldn’t let her become one of them. That he wouldn’t let Carl see her after.

Before she could fully resign herself to her fate, a gun shot came, stopping the snapping at her feet, and then the weight was gone from her. Somehow Shane had come to save her. Except when the man over her smashed the skull of the walker that had been on top of her, it wasn’t her brother. It was Daryl Dixon. He reached a hand out, pulling her up. “You good?” He asked, pulling her with him away from the spot where more walkers were closing in on them.

“I lost my gun,” she searched the ground as he pulled her behind him, not giving her a chance to properly look. Except it was dark and she wouldn’t be able to see anyway. But she didn’t like being unarmed. “I need my gun.” She was still in a panic, unable to think straight.

“Here,” he let go of her hand, stopping as they found more walkers, and he pushed his rifle into her hands, switching to his bow. “Just stay behind me,” she heard him order. Never in her life did she think she’d be grateful for Daryl Dixon, but she owed him her life.

The silence hovering over the camp was eerie after everyone stopped shooting. There were no more standing. She stood behind Daryl, breathing heavy. Had she been breathing like this the whole time? Her heart still felt like a jackhammer as she looked around the camp. There were bodies everywhere. All the safety the camp had provided over the last several weeks was gone, and none of them would ever be the same.

Notes:

Thank you so much Dawnie7 and ermynee for your comments! I love that you're enjoying the story so far! And thank you so much to all of you who've read, whether or not you've left kudos. I've always been super nervous about sharing my writing, so it means the world to me!

Chapter 5

All she could think as she stared at the bodies and listened to the sounds of battle come to an end was just how close to being one of those freaks she had been. “You saved my life,” she breathed out, reaching forward and wrapping her arms around Daryl’s neck without thinking. It didn’t matter who he was or what he’d done at camp prior. She owed him everything. She felt him freeze, but she didn’t have time to think about it when she heard Shane running toward her.

“Natalie!” Shane shouted as he approached and pulled her into a tight hug. She wasn’t sure if she was shaking or he was, but she couldn’t seem to calm herself as he held on to her. “I thought you were gone,” he told her, and she could hear the panic in his voice. “Were you bit? Scratched?” He pulled back, pushing her hair back from her face and checking over her. Had she ever seen this level of panic in his eyes before? She wasn’t sure.

She shook her head, still feeling almost dazed. “I’m alright,” she told him. “I’m alright,” she said again, trying to convince herself. “Is everyone else? Lori and Carl? Carol and Sophia?” She looked around wildly, finally settling her eyes on Lori and Carl in Rick’s arms. She felt a weight lift from her chest when she found them. And saw Sophia clutching a scared, but very much alive Carol. She turned back to where Daryl had been, but he was already gone. She would have to find him later to thank him properly. But for the moment, she just wanted to be with her family. Her feet carried her forward until she reached Rick, Lori, and Carl, embracing them all in relief.

Camp was solemn as they tried to figure out who was still alive and who would rise up at some point. Shane had tried to persuade her to go back to the tents with Miranda and the kids. But she couldn’t do that. Hiding from something, even if it was painful, just wasn’t in her nature. Dale had given her gloves and she’d worked with the others to move the bodies. They were heavy and the entire thing was worse than she had imagined it to be when she’d offered to help. But she had to do something. Had to keep her body moving, or her mind might take over. And she was certain that if she let herself sit and think, she might never get back up. She’d thought they were done with the loss, but then they found out Jim had been bitten as well. She had no idea how long it would take, but she was certain he’d be gone soon too. Another body to bury.

“What if we can get him help? I heard the CDC was working on a cure,” Rick offered, desperately searching for a better way than to murder Jim. She supposed it wasn’t murder. Maybe it was mercy. But it still felt an awful lot like murder.

Shane shook his head. “I heard that too. Heard a lot of things before the world went to hell.”

“What if the CDC is still up and running?”

“Man, that is a stretch right there.”

“Why? If there's any government left, any structure at all, they'd protect the CDC at all costs, wouldn't they? I think it's our best shot. Shelter, protection-”

“Okay, Rick, you want those things, all right? I do too, okay? Now if they exist, they're at the army base. Fort Benning,” he told him.

Lori looked between them. “That's 100 miles in the opposite direction.”

“That is right. But it's away from the hot zone. Now listen to me. If that place is operational, it'll be heavily armed. We'd be safe there,” Shane offered.

“The military were on the front lines of this thing. They got overrun. We've all seen that. The CDC is our best choice and Jim's only chance,” Rick tried to reason with them.

“How do we know Fort Benning’s out of the hot zone?” Natalie looked up at her brother. “Shane, I wanna agree with you here, but I think Rick’s got a point. The CDC is closer,” she said quietly. He looked at her like she’d betrayed him. She felt as much, too. She and Shane had a habit of arguing over things, but they’d always stuck to the unspoken rule of having each other’s backs in public, even if they argued about it in private. And here she was, not only going against him in front of all of these people he’d been leading, but taking Rick’s side, who he was clearly already frustrated with.

Daryl scoffed. “You go lookin for aspirin. Do what you need to do. Someone needs to have some balls to take care of this damn problem!” He stormed toward Jim, pickaxe ready to strike.

Shane and Rick took off with him, Shane getting between Daryl and Jim. Rick had pulled out his colt, pointing it at Daryl’s head. “We don't kill the living.” He said slowly. All she could think about was the fact that Rick was holding a gun to the man who’d kept her alive hours ago. She couldn’t let him shoot him. But as she moved forward, just a few steps, Shane caught her eye and shook his head.

“That's funny coming from a man who just put a gun to my head,” he muttered, but he was lowering the weapon.

Shane spoke from behind him. “We may disagree on some things, not on this. Go on. Put it down so I don’t have to watch him shoot the guy who saved my sister's life.” Daryl huffed, putting down the pickaxe and walking off.

She’d helped pack up their tents into the RV, and packed her own clothes in her duffel, throwing it into the jeep. They'd driven in relative silence until Jim's departure from the group. When she got back into the jeep, she couldn't help but let tears fall down her cheeks, though she tried to use looking at the trees as cover. She’d never liked crying in front of anyone. But he knew. “Natty," he sighed. "It's normal to be upset."

"Upset can't even begin to describe this whole thing. I spent the better part of 12 hours draggin the bodies of people we knew into a pile!" she crossed her arms after wiping her cheeks. "This is just the beginning and we've already lost over half the group.”

"Smaller group means better chances at survival," he said and when she scoffed, he continued. "Now you listen to me, girl. Just because you don't like hearing it doesn't make it untrue. You, Lori, and Carl are the only ones that I'm worried about keeping safe. And it's not pretty, but the less people there are around the more food will stretch. We can find safe places that'll hold less people. Hell, everyone could fit into the RV in an emergency. I know you don't like it, but it's the reality."

She sat, knowing that he was being reasonable about having less people. But he just had such a cold way of looking at it. “And Rick,” She said quietly, looking over at him. “You forgot Rick. He still matters to you, right?”

“Of course,” he dismissed. “It’s just been you three for so long now,” he told her.

She nodded, even if she was uncertain he was telling her the truth. “Do you really believe the CDC is the answer? Or are you just trying to prove Rick wrong?" She looked over at him. She didn’t want to accuse him. But the tension was driving her crazy. She’d thought the massacre at camp might bring them all closer. Make them all appreciate that they at least had each other. But it seemed to do the opposite for Rick and Shane.

"I wouldn't gamble with your lives to make a point, he told her. "I think Fort Benning is a better option, but Rick made a call and you guys agreed. So we're gonna see this through." She nodded, but she didn’t miss the accusation in his voice when he said they’d all agreed. She hadn’t wanted to disagree with Shane. But the CDC was closer, and Rick had a point. Whatever this was, it was a virus and the CDC would be the people working to fix it. And it was likely that if the military was going to protect anyone, it would be them. When they all pulled in front of the CDC, she gasped. There were hundreds of corpses lining the street. “Keep it up and ready,” he pulled the rifle from behind the seats and handed it to her. She nodded, following him as the rest of the group left the safety of their cars. "Alright everyone, let's go. Stay quiet. Keep together. Keep moving," he told the group as they made their way toward the building.

She kept pace with Lori, shielding Carl's other side. "We're gonna be alright," Natalie assured them, but she didn't know if she was trying to convince them or herself. Shane pounded on the door as they approached, trying to lift the shutters, but it was no use. They were shut and they weren’t opening. She felt sick as she turned, looking around them. They were surrounded by bodies and it was getting dark.

"Walkers!" She heard Daryl behind her and saw he had his crossbow up and had already taken one down. He turned toward Rick. "You brought us to a graveyard!" He seemed to be itching to fight again.

Shane intervened before he could reach him, shoving Daryl back. "He made a call." It was good to see Shane taking up for Rick, despite their disagreements the last few days. It gave her hope that he did still have faith in Rick’s leadership. That maybe they could mend things after all.

"It was the wrong damn call," Daryl replied irritated as he moved his attention back to their surroundings.

"Rick, this is a dead end," Shane said as he put his head close to Rick's. "Do you hear me? No blame."

Natalie looked around the street, wondering what they’d do after this. Fort Benning was too far. They didn’t have the gas to get there, and they’d be on the road probably for days, navigating around the abandoned cars, if they even made it. This was supposed to be salvation. And she felt like she’d been punched as she realized Daryl was right. It was the wrong call. She stepped forward, where Shane was still trying to get Rick to agree to leave. “Rick, it’s okay that it didn’t work out. But we have to go,” she told him, knowing she felt as desperate as he looked. He had made a call that might cost him the lives of his group. Of his family. “It’s okay to turn back. Lori and Carl can’t be out here,” she assured him, hoping that the plea for his family would make him realize they needed to go. He looked at his wife and son, nodding as he started to turn back, taking one last look at the building.

"It moved." That stopped Natalie in her tracks. Rick was pointing to the camera above them.

"Rick, it's dead, man. It's an automated device. It's gears, okay? They're just winding down," he was practically begging Rick to turn around. "Man listen to me. Look around this place. It's dead, okay. You need to let it go." Rick couldn’t let it go though, beating on the doors and begging for help that they knew wasn’t coming. The two struggled, Shane trying to get everyone to turn back.

Lori rushed forward to try to stop Rick as he screamed out. The walkers nearby were starting to respond to the commotion and if they didn’t get back to the cars and get on the road soon, they’d be in real trouble. Natalie pulled Carl closer to her side. She needed to get him safely back to the car. “Stay close, okay?” she glanced down at him and he nodded, seeming determined to be treated like an adult. She leveled her gun to one of the few walkers coming their way, but she didn't want to pull the trigger until she absolutely couldn’t wait anymore. She didn’t want to draw more on them until Shane and Lori got Rick to agree to come back to the car.

She looked over her shoulder to see her brother still trying to pull Rick back toward the group and away from the door as he screamed that whoever he thought was in there was killing them. He’d finally stopped, and she breathed a sigh of relief. They could finally get back on the road, and find somewhere safe for at least the night. It might be tight, but like Shane said, they could all fit in the RV. But no sooner had those thoughts ran through her mind than the shutters opened, revealing a bright white light. “Holy shit,” she muttered under her breath. Rick had been right. There was someone in there.

As they walked through the CDC, and sat for their blood tests, she couldn’t help but finally feel like she’d had a weight lifted off her. The tension in her shoulders, which had become so constant she hadn’t realized it wasn’t normal, had finally eased. She’d felt relaxed and happy as they sat down to eat, enjoying wine again, which she’d thought was long gone from her life. Seeing everyone so at ease made her smile wider than she thought possible. Even Daryl, who she thought had a permanent scowl on his face, had smiled back at her when her eyes found his. Everyone seemed euphoric as they toasted to Jenner, except her brother, who hadn't stopped frowning since they'd gotten inside.

“So when are you gonna tell us what the hell happened here, doc? All the other doctors that were supposed to be figuring out what happened, where are they?”

“We're celebrating, Shane,” Rick reasoned. “Don't need to do this now.”

“Whoa, wait a second. This is why we're here, right? This was your move. Supposed to find all the answers. Instead we-” he stopped, letting out a humorless chuckle. "We found him. Found one man. Why?”

“Shane, can we have one freakin night?” She muttered under her breath, glaring at him, but he only glared back at her. She was tired of watching him look at Lori and Rick with contempt. Like they’d done something wrong. She’d seen it since they arrived. And part of her wondered if he was just pissed because they’d actually gotten into the CDC instead of Rick’s plan failing so he could go back to being the one in charge. She hated that the thoughts crossed her mind. She'd never questioned him until recently. Not on the things that truly mattered. And she was starting to feel like she was questioning everything he said or did.

“You wanted this. I want to know why we’re here,” he snapped at her. “Doc?” He looked over at him.

Jenner started to speak, stopping her from arguing with him, and T-Dog quietly poured more wine in her glass, giving her a sympathetic look. She sat back, grabbing her glass and drinking as Jenner told them about the initial outbreak. And about everyone opting out. It was depressing, and she gulped at her wine, desperate to chase that high she'd felt earlier when they were all laughing and enjoying themselves. She was glad when dinner was over and he offered to give them a tour and set them up where they could sleep, because she needed to get space from Shane. He was radiating anger and she was probably just as bad.

She walked with the group, settling herself next to Lori as they made their way down the hall. She didn’t want to talk to Shane. Sitting in her room and drinking until she was too drunk to care that she was angry at him sounded like a better plan. She felt Rick’s hands settle on her shoulders, squeezing. “He’ll be fine in the morning,” he said quietly in her ear. “Don’t let it get you riled up.” She turned back to argue that fact. To tell him that she wasn’t sure that would be true. That things had been tense between them for a while. But she couldn’t tell him because she wouldn’t tell him about Lori. It wouldn’t serve any purpose. It would only hurt Rick and Lori. And further strain things between Rick and Shane. She sighed instead, nodding her head.

“If you shower, go easy on the hot water,” Jenner told them.

“Shower?” She smiled at Lori, feeling that anger drain from her body almost instantly. She never thought she’d have another shower, or walls, or the opportunity to sleep without waking up at every snap of a twig. She was finally getting back so many things she thought were gone forever and she was not going to let Shane’s foul mood ruin it. She was going to take advantage of every good thing the CDC was going to provide her. If Shane wanted to refuse to enjoy it, that was his problem.

Notes:

Thank you again so much for reading! And huge thank you to Dawnie7, ermynee, and walk3r for your comments!

Chapter 6

The shower was absolute heaven. To clean herself of all the grime and sweat and death of the last couple of days was wonderful. And to have hot water to do it was even better. She stared at all that dirt and grime swirling down the drain, and she felt as if it was all the bad things she’d been living with, just washing away. This was a fresh start for them. Her spirit renewed, and for once feeling like her old self, she dried herself and dressed, heading back into the hall where she ran into Lori. “How was your shower?” Lori smiled at her, leaning forward. “Mmm, you smell amazing.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever enjoyed anything that much in my life,” she replied dreamily. “Better than the weekend with that firefighter down in Tampa last year,” she added with a grin. “Which is sayin somethin because the things that man-”

“Gonna ask you to stop right there,” Rick held up his hand as he walked up from their room, towels in hand. “Too much for my brain to handle,” he laughed. He stopped, frowning. “Wait, wasn’t that a girls trip for your birthday?” He looked between them.

“Don’t look at me. I spent the weekend with Joanne, enjoyin drinks by the pool and gettin called ma’am,” Lori laughed.

Natalie watched them, Rick wrapping his arms around Lori’s waist and her smiling up at him, and it made her so damn happy. She loved them both so much, and it gave her hope that maybe there was still some happiness to be had, even after everything. Not that she was holding her breath for finding what they had. But maybe things could get back to normal if Shane could just get it out of his head that Lori was not his. “You two enjoy your shower. And each other,” she teased, leaving them both behind with a laugh.

She made her way back to her room, intent on finishing the bottle she’d grabbed on her way out of the kitchen. Stretching out on the couch, she took a long drink from the bottle. She closed her eyes, wishing she had some music. Or even a TV to watch her favorite shows. She recognized her brother’s heavy footsteps before she even looked at him. “What do you want?” She asked. He just couldn’t leave well enough alone. All he had to do was let her be for the next 12 hours until they woke up and she could deal with him again once she’d had some sleep.

He frowned. “That how we’re talkin to each other now?” He groaned, running his hand through his hair. “I don’t wanna argue with you. But you gotta stop bein pissed at me for askin questions. Rick don’t seem to wanna ask any,” He was drunk. More than he was at the table. And he was still holding a bottle of liquor.

“I’m pissed at you because you’re actin like Rick took away your favorite toy. Newsflash Shane. She wasn’t yours to take,” she snapped, standing up. “That is his wife. Same as she’s been all these years. She sure as shit aint throwin that away because you two screwed each other in the woods” She could see that it was the wrong thing to say. That she’d hit below the belt.

She could see the hurt flash across his face for just a moment before it turned back to that stony look he’d given her in the dining hall. It was almost enough for her to feel bad. If she wasn’t so drunk and angry, maybe she would. “Oh that’s right. Rick’s back and everything’s right with the world again,” he flung his hands out to the sides. “You get to go back to playin the dutiful little sister to your perfect pretend big brother while your actual brother is the asshole, huh? Well guess what, Nat. Me bein the asshole has saved your ass. I’m the one who’s taken care of you and Lori and Carl! Not him!”

“Oh jesus, is that what this is about? You thinkin I care more about Rick than you? I swear you are such a freakin child,” she shook her head. “Go take a shower and sleep this off. You’ll feel better in the mornin.”

“Stop actin like you know shit! Y-You’re tryin to get in my head. Tryin to mother me. Tellin me I’m actin like a child. You’re the child!”

“I’m the child?” She scoffed, laughing at the absurdity of it. “Are you kidd-”

“Havin to be looked after. Taken care of. You’ve never been able to be on your own. You relied on me. On Rick. On whatever guy you decided you loved at the time,” he was pacing around the room, arms flinging around as he spoke. “So tell me this,” he stopped, facing her, waving the bottle in her face. “What are you gonna do when Rick gets himself killed bein the good guy and I’m gone because all you women are so damned tired of me? Huh?”

“You’re bein an ass,” she forced out, feeling her eyes burning.

“Yeah, tell me somethin I don’t know,” he dismissed.

“I’m not gonna be your punchin bag because you’re mad at Lori. Get out of my room,” she told him, wiping her cheeks angrily. He didn’t move and it just made her more angry. Like she was back to being a teenager, when he’d come in her room just to piss her off, just to show he could do what he wanted. He’d always done whatever he wanted. She’d just never seen it quite the way she was seeing it now. “Fine,” she shook her head, pushing past him and down the hall.

She’d grabbed a new bottle of wine from the cooler in the dining hall. As she uncorked it, she muttered every awful word she could think of for Shane. Mostly because she wanted to be angry. She’d been in a good mood. Gotten past his foul one in the dining hall. But he couldn’t take it. If he was angry and miserable, apparently she had to be too. He’d always been that way. And normally she’d have been revved up too, ready to hate whoever he hated. Like everyone did with their best friends. But she couldn’t do that when that person was Rick. Rick was just as much her family as Shane was.

“Sure got a mouth on you, girl,” Daryl’s voice made her jump. She hadn’t heard him come in. She wondered if it was because she was so angry, or because he was really that quiet. He’d grabbed a bottle of liquor, bringing it to his lips. “Your brother got under your skin that bad?”

She shrugged, wiping her cheeks. She hadn’t meant for anyone to hear those things. Or to see her cry. She hated showing weakness. And despite that fact that her tears came from pure rage, men would always see tears as emotion and weakness. She leaned back against the counter, taking a long drink from her bottle, trying to calm herself before she spoke. “You tellin me you never wanted to kill Merle?”

He nodded with a chuckle, taking a seat in one of the chairs. “Never said that. You met Merle,” he added as if that explained everything. Which, to be fair, kind of did. Daryl wasn’t reserved, but he certainly didn’t have the mouth on him that Merle did.

“Unfortunately,” she laughed before realizing what she’d done. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t-” She stopped.

“You ain’t do nothin,” he told her. “Besides, Merle’s out there somewhere. Probably met some other poor group and drivin 'em crazy,” he shrugged. He took another drink from his bottle.

“Hope so,” she nodded. She didn’t truly care one way or another if Merle was alive or dead. She only cared for Daryl's sake. Because she had a brother who was a loud mouth with a temper too. He just wasn’t a junkie. She wondered if Merle was really a terrible person, or if it was mostly the drugs. Daryl didn’t seem nearly as bad as his brother. She hopped up on to the counter, pulling her legs up to cross them. “Shane and I, we haven’t always gotten along. We were mean to each other when we were young. But it was always dumb petty stuff. This just all feels so different. Worse,” she sighed.

“World’s gone to shit. People react different. Don’t mean nothin. That’s your blood. Who else is gonna be there for you no matter what?” He asked. She wondered if he’d been asking himself that since he’d lost Merle. If he thought no one would be there for him.

“Rick and I ain’t blood. But we’re family. He’s my brother. I’d put myself in danger tryin to protect him just the same as with Shane. Or Lori. Or Carl. The five of us, we took vacations together. We spent summers barbecuin and swimmin and Shane and I used to take Carl to the Braves games whenever Lori and Rick wanted some alone time. I had this whole idea in my head, you know? That whichever poor idiot decided to love me enough to wanna marry me would have to sit down with Shane and Rick to ask permission. Because we were that close. And now that just seems like it can’t ever be fixed again,” she felt her eyes stinging again and she cursed at herself.

“Maybe it can’t,” he shrugged. “Gotta deal with it and move on. Ain’t no use in cryin over it.”

She looked at him and couldn’t stop the laughter that bubbled from her throat. “You’re really shitty at givin pep talks, you know that?”

“Yeah well you’re a shitty cook. I aint never made fun of you,” he told her, and she thought she heard an edge to his voice, but when she looked at him, the corner of his mouth was turned up.

“Ass,” she rolled her eyes, grinning. “I’m sorry I didn’t know the proper way to cook squirrel. I somehow missed picking up the post-apocalyptic cookbook for dummies,” she laughed. “Maybe if I suck so much, you should teach me,” she challenged him.

He narrowed his eyes, staring her down before nodding. “Next time I bring in a squirrel, I’ll show you how to cook it. But if you fuck it up, you’re in charge of findin another one.”

“You got yourself a deal, Dixon,” she nodded with a smile. She hopped down, grabbing her bottle and walking toward him, stopping when she was a few feet away. “You know what? I feel a lot better now. So I take back what I said about the pep talks,” she laughed. She closed the gap between them, leaning in and kissing his cheek. “Thanks for savin me at camp. And tonight,” she smiled. “Good night, Daryl,” she turned and left him to go back to her room. She wondered how often people were nice to him, or how often he’d ever gotten physical affection from the way he tensed during their hug and his flinch when she leaned in to kiss his cheek. She’d always been a touchy person, so it was hard to comprehend that some people had never had that. She’d decided as she walked back to her room that she would make sure he knew that he wasn’t alone without Merle. She would be there for him, if no one else was. After all, if he hadn’t saved her, she wouldn’t be there at all.

She felt miserable in the morning. One thing was for sure. She didn’t want to drink anymore. She wasn’t sure she’d ever had such a bad hangover. She knew it was because she’d already been dehydrated when she started drinking. And she’d almost finished a whole bottle alone. She prodded at the eggs T-Dog put in front of her, not feeling the desire to eat, but knowing she needed to. She took the aspirin gratefully and hoped the pounding in her head would cease soon.

"What the hell happened to you?" T-Dog asked as Shane walked in, taking a seat at the table. "To your neck.”

"Musta done it in my sleep," he shrugged.

"Never seen you do that before," Rick commented.

"Me neither. Not like me at all," he said. Natalie looked at him, suddenly feeling guilty. She hated that they’d fought last night. She hadn’t had a change to apologize this morning. Not that she felt she’d done anything wrong. But she did feel guilty for getting so angry. And for the things she’d said after they fought, even if he didn’t hear them. She’d make sure to pull him aside later. She couldn’t stand for them to stay mad at each other. But in the kitchen, so hungover, and with the entire group around, she couldn’t do it. It could wait. All thoughts of an apology were forgotten as Shane asked about what was really going on. She didn’t argue with him or give him a dirty look. Something had changed though. He was less aggressive. Less angry. He looked like he felt guilty.

Jenner showed them the brain scan, which really only confirmed what they already knew. That people were alive, but not really. And that there was no hope for a cure. No hope for them. No safety. This place was a tomb, not salvation. Jenner clammed up when they asked what he meant when he started talking about decontamination and that made them all uneasy.

After the air conditioning turned off, so went the lights. She joined the others in the hall, following Jenner into the big room where he sat at his station. He looked at Andrea, further expanding on what had happened. That in the end, they’d just run out of juice to run the place. Shane seemed done with the conversation and she knew he was feeling the anxiety like she was. They needed out of there. “Let me tell you—”

Rick cut him off. “To Hell with it, Shane. I don’t even care,” he turned to Lori and her. “Everybody, get your stuff. We’re getting out of here now!”

Almost as if on cue, the alarms started. Shane looked around them. “What’s that?” He was not the only one asking as they all looked around, confused as a voice came over the intercom, announcing 30 minutes to decontamination.

“Doc, what’s goin on here?” Daryl asked. Jenner scanned his badge and entered a code into a security pad.

Rick yelled again. “Get your stuff and let’s go! Go now! Go!” Natalie grabbed Lori’s free hand to pull her and Carl along to the corridor. But as they moved to go through, there was clicks and noises from the door as it shut.

Glenn looked around at them. “No. Did you just lock us in? He just locked us in!” He said panicked.

Jenner turned on a video, and he was on the screen. “We’ve hit the 30-minute window. I’m recording.”

She watched, almost feeling numb as Daryl ran to attack Jenner, and was stopped by Shane and Rick. How was this happening? They’d escaped death outside to be locked into a tomb. She didn’t know what would happen. Would they suffocate? Was there something else that would happen at 30 minutes?

Rick looked over at Jenner. “Hey, Jenner, open that door now!”

“There’s no point. Everything topside is locked down. The emergency exits are sealed.”

“Well, open the damn things,” Dale told him.

“That’s not something I control. The computers do. I told you once that front door closed, it wouldn’t open again. You heard me say that. It’s better this way.”

“What is? What happens in 28 minutes?” Rick asked as the clock ticked down. What happens in 28 minutes?!”

“You know what this place is?! We protected the public from very nasty stuff! Weaponized smallpox! Ebola strains that could wipe out half the country! Stuff you don’t want getting out! Ever!” Jenner yelled. He collected himself before sitting back at his station. “In the event of a catastrophic power failure—in a terrorist attack, for example—H.I.T.s are deployed to prevent any organisms from getting out.”

“H.I.T.s?” Natalie asked.

Jenner looked up. “VI, define.”

The voice came over the intercom again, explaining exactly what that meant. Jenner looked around at them. “It sets the air on fire. No pain. An end to sorrow, grief…regret. Everything,” he said calmly. Carol and Lori were holding their children, tears on their cheeks. She looked to Shane, and from the look he gave her, she knew she didn’t need to apologize. She knew they were fine. Like they always were. They wouldn't die angry at each other.

Daryl threw a liquor bottle at the door. “Open the damn door!” Shane grabbed a fire axe and ran at the door. T-Dog tossed one to Daryl. Both men were grunting as they pounded the door with the axe.

“You should’ve left well enough alone it would have been so much easier,” Jenner told them.

“Easier for who?” Natalie asked. How could he think it would be easier to not know? She couldn’t believe his attitude toward all of this. Maybe he was prepared to die, but they had fought so hard to live. The things they’d had to witness. The deaths of people they cared for. The trauma of having to haul those bodies away. Having to damage the brain so they wouldn’t get up again. They’d done everything they could to make it there, and Jenner was just going to take that choice from them.

“All of you. You know what’s out there. A short brutal life and an agonizing death,” he turned to Andrea. “Your sister. what was her name?” He waited for her to answer before he nodded. “Amy. You know what this does. You’ve seen it,” he turned to Rick. “Is that what you really want for your wife and son?”

“I don’t want this!” Rick yelled at him.

Shane stopped swinging the axe. “Can’t make a dent,” he said. He looked worn out.

“Those doors are designed to withstand a rocket launcher,” Jenner told them, with no worry that they would get the door open.

Daryl swung the axe back, walking toward Jenner quickly. “Well, your head ain’t!” Dale, Rick, and Shane all grabbed ahold of him, again, fighting to keep him from killing this man.

Jenner looked at Rick, still calm. “You do want this. Last night you said you knew it was just a matter of time before everybody you loved was dead.”

“What?” Natalie frowned at Rick, who'd had such hope, and who had brought them here for an answer. To protect them. She looked at Lori, and could see that she was as shocked and betrayed by this as she was.

Shane looked angry, but was trying to hold it in. “What? You really said that? After all you’re big talk?”

Rick looked to Lori and then Natalie. “I had to keep hope alive, didn’t I?” He pleaded silently for them to understand.

“There is no hope. There never was,” Jenner told him.

Rick shook his head. “There’s always hope. Maybe it won’t be you, maybe not here but somebody somewhere—”

Andrea interrupted him. “What part of 'everything is gone' do you not understand?”

“Listen to your friend. She gets it. This is what takes us down. This is our extinction event.”

Carol was shaking her head as she cried and held Sophia. “This isn’t right. You can’t just keep us here.”

“One tiny moment—a millisecond. No pain.”

Carol ignored him. “My daughter doesn’t deserve to die like this.”

Jenner looked at her. “Wouldn’t it be kinder, more compassionate just to hold your loved ones and wait for the clock to run down?”

The sound of a gun cocking made Natalie turn around. She hadn’t even seen Shane walk off, but he had his shotgun, and it was pointed at Jenner. “Shane, no!” Natalie yelled. She was so tired of all the threats of violence. If they killed him, they’d all be dead anyway. Did none of these men realize it? Jesus Christ, she thought.

Rick tried to stop him, but he pushed him away. “Out of the way, Rick! Stay out of my way!” He turned to Jenner, pointing the gun at his head. “Open that door or I’m gonna blow your head off. Do you hear me?”

Rick was pleading with Shane. “Brother, brother, this is not the way you do this. We will never get out of here.”

Natalie was on his other side. “Shane, you listen to him.”

Shane shook his head. “It’s too late.”

“He dies, we all—” Shane's yelling interrupted Rick as he held the gun to Jenner's face. Then he shifted to the side of him, screaming and firing round after round into the computers. “Shane!” Rick tried to grab the gun and they struggled. Natalie hopped back and out of the way to avoid getting caught in the fight. She knew from personal experience to stay far away when Shane and Rick were going at it. She found herself next to Glenn, grabbing his hand. He looked at her, squeezing her hand, maybe to reassure her. Or himself. She didn’t care. Rick knocked Shane with the butt of the shotgun, and Shane fell down with a grunt. Rick looked ready to hit him again. “Are you done now? Are you done?”

Shane nodded, looking murderous. “Yeah, I guess we all are.”

She let go of Glenn’s hand before making her way to her brother’s side, wrapping her arms around his waist. He wrapped his arms around her as they listened to Rick try to talk some sense into Jenner. She didn’t care what they were saying though. The fact was they were looking down the barrel of a loaded gun, waiting for the trigger to be pulled. And she didn’t care about anything but being with her family. “I’m sorry,” she whispered as she looked up at him. “I’m sorry I’ve been a shitty sister.” He shook his head and she could see the pain in his face. He’d sworn to always protect her and he couldn’t. And she knew that hurt him. At least if they were going to die, they were together at the end.

The same clicks from again came from the door as it opened suddenly. “Come on!” Daryl called back at the group.

As the rest of the group ran, she grabbed one of the bags of guns from Shane. Everything else could be replaced, but these would be their salvation. Up in the lobby T-Dog and Daryl ran for the doors, banging against them. Nothing worked. Jenner wasn’t lying. They wouldn’t open. Realization hit her that they’d made it this far just to die in the lobby, trying to get out. Shane's voice pulled her from her thoughts. “Daryl!” He tossed an axe to him. Both men started hitting the glass as they had the door downstairs. But once again, they were just wearing themselves out. Shane stopped, walking away as Daryl continued.

Natalie stood, feeling the tears run down her face as she watched them try again and again to break the glass without success. She felt numb. She was vaguely aware of Carol and Shane and Rick talking but she could only stare at the tiny dent the shotgun shell had made. Something so powerful couldn’t put a whole in this glass. Which meant they weren’t getting out. By the time she realized what Rick was doing, it was too late. She was still staring. But then she felt a body pull her down hard, leaning over her and covering her ears as the glass exploded. Then a hand had hers she she realized Shane was pulling her behind him toward the open window where everyone was climbing out. They were free. "Come on," he told her as he let go, gripping the shotgun with both hands as he took head off a walker with a shot. Then he was pulling her into the jeep, pushing her head down and telling her to cover it with her hands.

It was so loud, she instantly knew the building was gone. Her ears were ringing after, even though she’d covered them. She adjusted herself to sit up as she heard her brother grabbing the keys from his pocket. They stared at the remains of the building. There was total destruction. The CDC was just gone, a black cloud of smoke replacing it.

Notes:

Thank you, thank you for reading!! Whew, we made it out of season one, and are on to two 😊

Chapter 7

They’d driven for miles before Rick honked, signaling for them to stop. The road they were on was abandoned, with almost no cars. It was the first time they’d hit a safe place to stop since leaving the CDC. The obvious discussion to be had was where to go. The CDC had been a bust, so option two was all that was left; Fort Benning, which was over 100 miles in the other direction. It would take days to get there with all the traffic from abandoned cars and taking back roads. She hated the thought of it, but she had no better option to offer. So she sat quietly while the men discussed their futures. The only plus side was that Shane seemed to be doing better with Rick. They seemed to be on the same page about Fort Benning. Maybe the CDC wasn’t truly a bust after all, if it helped their relationship.

It was almost dusk when they pulled off the road. “We can camp here. Luckily we still have food and everyone can pile into the RV to sleep,” Rick told them once they’d all gathered around. Everyone nodded, seeming just fine with the plan, even Shane. But Natalie was not looking forward to cramming into the RV. Apparently the plan was for her, Lori, Carol and the kids to all try to share the bed, but she knew that wasn’t happening. So when Rick had asked for volunteers to keep watch, she insisted on being on first watch.

She climbed up to the top of the RV, laying her rifle across her lap. She watched Daryl climb out of the RV and make his way to the church van. “Dixon, what the hell?” She called down.

“Don’t seriously think I’m sleepin in there with all them, do you? Only goin to the van cause your brothers insisted I can’t pick a tree to lay against,” he scoffed. “Seems like they’re agreein on some things these days,” he offered. That made her smile. Anything they agreed on was a good thing in her mind.

“Well yeah. Because we all need to eat. If you go and get yourself killed sleepin in the woods alone, who’s bringin home the game?” she grinned. “Why don’t you come on up here and keep me company if you’re so tired of them anyway?”

He looked at the RV door, which had just opened. “You got company on the way” he told her as Rick climbed the ladder. She watched him climb into the van, resting against the window.

“Thought you were gonna get some rest,” she looked at Rick as he walked toward where she was sitting. He took a seat, resting his arms on his knees.

“Got a lot on my mind,” he shrugged. “Plus it’s crowded in there,” he added and she nodded with a smile. She couldn’t argue that point because it was exactly why she was up in the metaphorical watch tower. “I’m sorry the CDC didn’t work out. I know it caused a problem with Shane,” he told her.

She shrugged. “What else is new?” She tried to laugh, but she didn’t feel any humor in it. “I don’t care about any of it as long as I have both of you,” she leaned over, resting her head on his shoulder. “Nothin felt right without you around.”

He reached over, letting his arm wrap around her shoulders. “I dunno. Seems like I’ve caused nothin but problems comin back. Shane seems to think everything I do is to spite him. You two are at odds. Lori is bouncin back and forth between lookin like she at the last slice of birthday cake or bein a loving wife.” She felt him take a deep breath. “Nat, I’m gonna ask you somethin and I need you to be straight with me, alright?” She lifted her head, frowning, but nodded. “How long after I got shot were they sleepin together?”

She felt her stomach drop. How did he know? She wondered if Lori told him. Or if it was just in those looks. “Rick, I-”

“I don’t need you to spare my feelings or try to protect them. I already know it. I’ve known Shane most of my life. You think I don’t know how he looks when he’s jealous? And Lori, she’s overcompensating. I already know it happened. I just wanna know if it was while I was in the hospital, or when you guys were in the woods,” he sounded so tired.

“I don’t know,” she told him honestly. “I only found out right before you came back,” she pulled her knees up to her chest, resting her arms across them. “Rick, I don’t think it was before the woods. She loved you. Loves you. She thought you were gone and I think she just needed-” she struggled to find the right word. “I dunno. Comfort maybe?”

“You lost your boyfriend, right? He went to Atlanta,” he said, and she nodded. “You decide to seek comfort in the arms of another man after a few weeks?” He asked.

“Well no, but-”

“But what? You weren’t married and you didn’t just decide to move on,” he sighed.

“But I didn’t have someone I already loved and trusted right there. It’s different for her. Shane and Lori, they’re friends. They’ve been friends. It’s like us. It’s different than with strangers. They were both strugglin after you died. Shane, he felt so guilty for leavin you. And Lori, I think she felt guilty because you guys were havin problems before you were shot. And then she never got to make that right,” she told him.

“She told you about that?” He furrowed his brows.

“Of course. She felt awful when you were shot. Thinkin you were never comin back and that she’d been a bitch to you,” she saw his eyebrows shoot up and she laughed. “Her words, not mine,” she defended. “I don’t know what to tell you, Rick. Other than she’s made it very clear to Shane that it’s over. She chose you. That’s enough, right?”

“Gonna have to be, isn’t it?” He nodded, though he looked anything but sure. She knew he was probably struggling with the idea. The thought of his best friend and his wife. Knowing that Shane, to some degree, considered her to be his still. Rick had always been just a little bit in Shane’s shadow, like she was. It wasn’t until they’d gone to college and women were more interested in a guy who was kind and caring than the guy that was smooth and always up for a good time that Rick started to get the attention she’d always felt like he deserved. And when he met Lori, Rick had further moved on from Shane and his adventures. They’d gotten married and had a kid and suddenly Rick had all the things she knew Shane secretly wanted, even if he convinced everyone else that all he wanted was to chase tail.

“Remember when I was 16 and that boy broke my heart?” She looked over at him. “Matt Franklin,” she laughed, shaking her head. “He slept with Chrissy Mitchell after we had a fight at prom. Shane wanted to beat him until he couldn’t walk and I begged him not to. Because I still wanted to be with him. You sat me down and you asked me if he was worth it. If the pain I was dealin with was worth it to hang on to him,” she looked at him expectantly.

He nodded. “I remember.”

“It wasn't. So we broke up and I moved on. I judged every relationship I’ve had on that piece of advice. And it’s served me well. So I’m askin you now, is she worth it?”

He let out a heavy sigh. “Of course she’s worth it. But you know, it’s hard as hell not to punch your brother every time I think about it,” he looked over at her, a small smile growing on his face.

“Welcome to my world,” she laughed. “Look, I know this is gonna take some time to get over. But if it helps, I don’t think there’s any world in which he would have looked at her if you weren’t gone. I know he’s done some shitty stuff in our lives, but he wouldn’t do that,” she told him. She hoped he understood. She couldn’t believe that Shane ever looked at Lori twice before all of this. Or at least not in a serious way. Rick nodded, but he still looked like he didn’t fully believe her. But he didn’t say any more about it, and she didn’t want to keep talking about it. It felt wrong. Like she was going behind Lori and Shane’s backs, even if she knew that wasn’t true. Maybe now Rick could move on, and in time, he and Shane could let go of their tension.

They’d made it another full day before the jeep started sputtering. “Shane,” she groaned as smoke started pouring out from under the hood. He honked once, and the rest of the group stopped. Shane popped the hood, and just like she expected, smoke billowed up to the sky. “That looks worse than needing coolant,” she told him. The jeep had a habit of having some problems, but she always felt it was more important to invest in it instead of throwing it out and getting something new.

“Way worse,” Daryl stood next to Shane, looking under the hood. He pointed to something and Shane nodded. “This whole thing is a mess. But your coolant is fine, which means it’s not an easy fix. Could be a cracked engine block, blown head gasket,” he looked at her and sighed. “Hard to tell without tearin it apart.”

“Well can't we fix it?” Natalie asked, frowning at both Daryl and her brother. They’d lost so much and she didn’t want to lose her jeep. Just one more thing the world was taking away.

“Have to replace the whole engine, and that’s probably best case,” Daryl shook his head. “This isn’t somethin we have time to figure out,” he looked to Shane, who nodded.

“Let’s pack it up and throw everything in the RV. We can ride with Dale,” he told her. “Might be a good time to lose the van too,” he looked over at Rick, who nodded in agreement. “Think we could get plenty of gas for the RV. Keep us going a little longer without having to stop.”

“Alright Natty. You clean out the jeep while T and Daryl get the gas. Shane, you wanna have a look around? See if there’s anything worth takin?” Rick asked. Shane nodded, seeming content with having a job. “I’ll be back. I need to update Morgan. If he’s listenin, I don’t want him headin out to Atlanta,” he added.

She went to work grabbing her things from the jeep, though it wasn’t much. She’d lost the majority of her clothes at the CDC. So the most valuable thing she had was the duffel bag with the guns. “Sorry about your ride,” Daryl told her as he walked toward her with the gas can.

“Guess it was gonna happen some time. She’s had a habit of breakin down over the years,” she tried to smile. “At least there’s plenty of gas to get out of it,” she added, determined to find a bright side. “Besides, who doesn’t wanna ride in a sweet, sweet Winnebago with the girl who’s pissed she couldn’t stay for the big CDC bonfire?” She grinned.

“You’re dark,” he looked up at her as he laughed, before going back to pulling gas from the tank of her beloved jeep.

“Sorry,” she bit her lip to stop her own laughter as she saw the others look over at them. “I gotta find some humor in this shit or I might decide to opt out too,” she shrugged. She looked over at him and then to his bike. “You got space on your bike. How would you feel about helpin a girl live out part of her biker fantasy?” She grinned.

“You want a ride?” He furrowed his brows, looking almost confused as he stood, and she was certain he would tell her to fuck off. But when she nodded, he didn’t. He shrugged, nodding with a simple ‘okay’ as he grabbed the bag of guns from her and slung it over his back, carrying both the bag and the gas to the RV.

She’d expected more resistance from Shane when she’d told him she was going to ride with Daryl. But maybe he was just as sick of arguments as she was. And this wasn’t going to change anything. In the end, she’d get her way anyway, so what was the point? She watched him pull the bike forward as the others prepared for another long day on the road. She hesitated before climbing on. “You gonna stare all day? Or you gettin on?” He asked.

She nodded, climbing on and putting her hands on his shoulders. “You’re not gonna do nothin crazy right? Like go too fast? Get me thrown off the bike?”

“Keep talkin and I might throw you off on purpose,” He looked back, his face inches from hers. And for the briefest second, she had the urge to lean forward and close the distance between them. She blinked, not knowing where that came from. She was going to chalk that up to missing Graham. Missing just having someone to hold and enjoy being close to them.

“I'll do my best to keep the commentary to a minimum,” she agreed.

“You're pretty damn paranoid for someone who asked to get on here. You really think I'm gonna get you hurt?”

She didn't have to think about that. She knew the answer as soon as he asked it. “No. I trust you,” she replied, wrapping her arms around his chest and settling with her chin above his shoulder as he pulled off in front of the others.

Notes:

Thank you for reading! 😊

Chapter 8

“Shit,” she’d muttered when they came across the blocked off highway. She had no idea how they were going to get around all this. Daryl weaved around the cars, apparently seeing what he wanted before turning back toward the others. She didn’t like the idea of going through this maze of cars with no idea what’s within. But it didn’t seem like there was another option, so she kept her eyes open, just hoping no walkers were around. Daryl stopped at the sound of the RV breaking down, holding out a hand to help her off. She stood, looking around as they discussed what they were going to do. But the thought of finding some clothes sounded excellent to her. Even if Lori was right that the highway was a graveyard, it was also an opportunity. And after everything, they had to take any opportunities they got.

Shane touched her elbow, causing her to turn and face him. “Don’t go far. Stay close to T and Daryl,” he told her. The part of her from before the end of the world wanted to roll her eyes and mock him, but she knew he meant well. And no one knew what was out there. Him allowing her out of his sight in this tangle of cars meant he trusted her. And he trusted the guys to keep her safe. Instead, she nodded, following T-Dog as he grabbed the gas canisters and made his way out further.

She took her time, looking in each car as she passed, hoping to find anything useful. She was shocked at how much was left behind in the empty cars, making her wonder what had happened to their owners. Had they abandoned their cars like she had her jeep? Or were they gone? It seemed morbidly wrong to go through the things of dead people. She forced that thought from her head, knowing if she was gone, she’d want someone to benefit from her things. Her thoughts were cut short when T-Dog grabbed her arm, forcing her to look back, where she could see several walkers. “Go. Get down,” he told her. She nodded, dropping the bag she’d grabbed from one of the cars, squeezing under a truck. She lost sight of him as he moved further back, she assumed, trying to find his own hiding place.

Waiting for the herd to pass was the worst part. She had no idea as each set of legs passed by her if one of them was going to smell her or hear her breathing. She wondered if they could hear her heart, even though she knew she was just being paranoid. She felt like she was being torn apart with the desire to both shut her eyes and cry, and to run to her family to make sure they were okay. She had no idea how long she laid there, trying not to breathe heavily, feeling the tears slipping over her cheek and toward the ground as she prayed that the rest of her group was fine. That her family was all alive and safely tucked away from the walkers.

She’d practically run toward the RV when she finally crawled out, needing to see that they were fine. But she was met by Carol’s cries, and everyone’s looks of horror. Lori was holding Carol up, with Shane on her other side. As she stepped closer, Lori’s words became clearer, telling her everything would be fine. That Rick would bring back Sophia. Shane slipped away from them both to wrap his arms around her, asking her if she was okay. “Shane, what happened?” She asked quietly when he pulled away, seeming satisfied that she was safe. She looked at Carol with horror and pity as he told her about Sophia. “We gotta go after her,” she frowned up at him. “We gotta find her. She’s just a kid. She can’t-”

“Rick is out there. Not gonna do anyone any good runnin around gettin lost,” he told her. “We wouldn’t know where to start lookin,” he added at the sour look on her face. She knew he wasn’t wrong, but the idea of a 12 year old girl out in the woods alone was terrifying. Add in the walkers, and she didn’t know how Carol hadn’t hit every one of them to get into the woods to look for her daughter. She nodded, knowing it wouldn’t do any good to argue. And if Carol could sit and wait for Rick, she could too. But when Rick returned without Sophia, she wanted to kick herself for listening to Shane. Maybe if someone else had gone in earlier, they could have found her. But Daryl was good at tracking, as Shane reassured her when he and Glenn returned, telling them all that they needed to get the road cleared and get supplies so they could be on the road when they returned with the girl. By sunset, there was more food and clothes and supplies than they’d lost at the CDC. But once again, when the men returned without Sophia, she didn’t feel anything but guilt. Like she’d left Sophia in the woods alone.

She’d found an empty truck to curl up into for the night, not wanting to be around the others. She couldn’t listen to Carol’s crying, even if she couldn’t fault her for it. And she couldn’t comfort her, because she felt so damn guilty. The door to the truck opened, and Lori climbed in on the other side of her. “Here,” she handed her a half empty can of sausages. “You should eat,” she insisted.

Natalie shook her head, leaning back against the window. She wasn’t hungry. And she certainly couldn’t eat even if she did. “Shane send you to make sure I’m not runnin off in the woods to look for her?” She asked.

Lori let out a soft chuckle. “No. He actually thought you might want some time alone. I thought even if that’s what you want, it might not be what you need,” she told her. “You can’t feel guilty for something you had no part in,” she sighed.

Natalie lifted her head, looking over at Lori. “I watched those kids at the quarry. They were my responsibility. And nothin bad happened to them. Maybe if I hadn’t been in my own world, I woulda be there. I should’ve been watchin them. And when I found out she was in the woods, I should’ve been there too.”

“You’re not her mom,” Lori said softly. “You don’t have to take care of everyone. And she was in sight of me and Carol. It’s awful. But it didn’t happen because no one was watching her. We’re gonna find her. Rick won’t stop until he does. You know that.”

Natalie nodded, though it didn’t make her feel any better. “Still not hungry. You should have it. Or Carl,” she insisted. Lori looked back down at the can, and seemed to be thinking about something. “Lori, what’s goin on? You didn’t just come to give me food, did you?” She frowned.

Lori chewed at her lip. “Shane’s talking about leaving. Slipping off alone. Quietly.” Whatever she’d expected from her, that wasn’t it. She felt like when she was a kid and on that ride where the floor falls out from underneath you.

“What do you mean?” Shane wouldn’t leave. He certainly wouldn’t leave her with the others. He’d take her with him. But of course, she’d never agree to go. She would never leave Rick and Carl and Lori. “He wouldn’t just go. That doesn’t make any sense,” she shook her head. “Lori, he wouldn’t leave me. And I’m not goin anywhere,” she said, sounding more confident than she felt.

Lori nodded, but her lips formed a thin line. “I just thought maybe you’d wanna talk to him,” she said quietly. “I know I don’t have a right to ask it. And maybe it would make things easier. But I don’t want him to go. And I don’t want you to go,” she reached out, pushing her Natalie’s hair behind her ear. A comforting gesture. A habit Lori had when she pitied Natalie. Whenever she was sad or upset. But at the moment, it only made her more angry.

“Well we’re not. So don’t you worry,” she settled back against the window. “I’d like to be alone now, please.” She didn’t look at Lori as she left. She knew it was childish. Lori hadn’t done anything wrong. It was the news that had her irritated. On top of Sophia missing, she had to run interference on her brother now. She stared out the window, trying to keep her mind on anything besides how many things were wrong with their group. She opened the truck door quietly as she saw Daryl walking up ahead, along the edge of the highway. She guessed he heard her footsteps because he stopped, seeming to wait for her to catch up. “Hey,” she said quietly. “You don’t mind, do you?”

He shrugged. “Free country. You allowed to be out after dark?” He challenged, a slight grin on his face.

“Guess we’ll see how red Shane’s face gets if he catches me,” she chuckled as they walked. “Couldn’t sleep either?” She asked.

“Bad enough everyone’s crammed in. The women are all cryin. Everyone’s actin like she’s dead,” he shook his head. He sounded so confident that everything was going to be fine. That they’d find her. Like it was silly to be worried. Maybe he was that confident in his tracking skills. He had found them a lot of food over the last couple of months.

“You think she’s out there? That we’ll find her before something else does?” She asked quietly, looking up at him.

“Good lord, not you too,” he groaned. “I swear. Y’all act like she’s already doomed. Clearly ain’t never spent time in the woods,” he shook his head.

“Not an extensive amount of time, no. Not before all this,” she held her hand out to gesture to the destruction around them. “I just-” she blew out a breath. “I’m just not sure we’ll come back from this if she doesn’t come back,” she was surprised when he stopped, looking frustrated with her.

“Don’t need to worry about that because we’re gonna find her. So you can stop all your doubtin and worryin,” he huffed, starting to walk again, ignoring her still standing in the spot where they were. Instead of following him, she climbed up on top of a nearby truck, looking out at the highway around them. She wished she had the same confidence he did, but she wasn’t even sure she could survive out there on her own, and she wasn’t a child without a weapon. She didn’t say anything as he climbed up, sitting down next to her in silence. He lit up a cigarette, inhaling deeply before holding it out in front of her. She looked at him questioningly and he pushed it toward her again. A peace offering.

“Thanks,” she replied softly as she took it, savoring that first inhale she'd had in days before handing it back to him.

“You know, when I was a kid, younger than her, I got lost in the woods. Was out there for days with no food, no water. Usin poison oak for toilet paper,” he trailed off as she watched him blow out a cloud of smoke. “She’s got people lookin for her. That’s an advantage I never had,” he looked over at her. “Point is, the woods ain’t the death sentence you think it is.”

“And that’s a real story? You aren’t just sayin that to make me feel better?” She arched an eyebrow. “You just were lost out in the woods for days with no one lookin for you, and what, ended up back at home totally fine?” She asked, skeptically.

He shrugged. “Wouldn’t say totally fine. My ass itched somethin terrible,” he replied, and she laughed, covering her mouth quickly at the sound. “The hell kind of person laughs at someone else’s misfortune?” He asked, but she could see a smile on his face as he held out his cigarette again.

“Jackass,” she laughed quietly as she took it. “Okay, point taken,” she nodded grudgingly.

“Ought to get some sleep. Lots of walkin ahead of us,” he told her. “Won’t be any use if you can’t stay awake.”

“Careful, Dixon. People might start to think you care,” she grinned. She couldn’t deny he was wrong though. She needed to try to get some sleep. Even if it was a couple hours, it would be better than nothing.

“Just don’t wanna have to hear your bitchin and moanin about bein tired when we’re out there,” he said, but he wouldn't look at her. She watched him bite at his nail, looking out at the highway in front of them.

She let out a quiet laugh, nodding as she stood. “Sure,” she agreed. Not that she believed him, but she wouldn’t push it. “Guess I’ll see you in the mornin then,” she let her words hang, and he nodded, letting her leave without another word.

She was exhausted in the morning, but had at least gotten a few hours of sleep in, even if they were fitful. But she was able to ignore Andrea’s biting comments about the fact that she was still able to carry her gun. And she was able to walk quietly beside Glenn as they walked miles through the woods. After finding nothing but a gun and a church full of walkers by the afternoon though, she couldn’t help the doubt that was creeping back into her brain. That they were either going to spend their whole lives out in those woods looking for a girl who was gone, or they’d have to make the awful decision to leave, never knowing for sure what happened. She wasn’t sure which was worse.

She kept a distance as she watched Andrea and Shane have a heated conversation, and she was certain she heard Andrea talk about leaving with him. She narrowed her eyes as she stared at them, knowing she was going to have to have a serious talk with her brother and soon. Because if he was really going to try to leave, she’d have to find a way to stop him. No matter what she had to do. When Shane told them all to go back, that he and Rick were staying, she knew that would have to be her opportunity. She was not going to let the end of the day pass without talking to him. She grabbed his arm as they walked, to have him hang back, letting Rick and Carl gain some distance. “So were you gonna tell me? Or were you just gonna ride off with your new girlfriend and leave me here?” She asked, keeping her voice quiet.

“We’re not doin this right now,” he told her. She grabbed his arm as he walked ahead, and he scowled back at her. “Later, Nat,” he warned.

Rick stopped, suddenly, his hand up. She’d heard it too. The snap of a twig. Movement in the woods around them. Shane stepped protectively in front of her and Carl, holding his gun at the ready behind Rick. They all stepped slowly and quietly, preparing for anything that might come flying out from the brush. It was as if she could see the tension leave Rick and Shane right before she saw it. A deer. A single moment of beauty amongst all the horror surrounding them. Almost as if the dead weren’t walking, and almost as if they weren’t spending their time looking for a missing girl.

She knew what her brother was thinking as he raised his gun. He was thinking he was going to bring home dinner for everyone. Sustain the group on something other than canned food. Rick stopped him, and she couldn’t keep herself from smiling as Carl stepped forward, slowly. She wanted to step forward with him, to keep him within arms reach, but both the men she trusted with her own life were watching him with wonder, not worry. Carl looked back, smiling at them as he stepped forward a little more, getting closer and closer to the deer. She knew that deer would bolt before he could touch it, but he seemed so excited by the prospect of getting to touch it. She hadn’t seen that hopeful smile on his face in a long time, and she was not eager to see it leave.

She’d heard people say that traumatic moments felt like they were in slow motion, but had never experienced it before. The gunshot seemed to come long before Carl flew backwards, laying on the ground unconscious. The three of them stood shocked, almost as if their brain couldn’t connect the sound of the gun with Carl laying there. She could hear Rick’s words as he panicked, running toward his son. She followed, kneeling next to Rick and Carl as they tried to find a pulse. Rick felt at his son’s neck, searching for a sign of life. “Shane,” she looked around, panicked, still holding her gun ready in her hand. Was someone going to shoot one of them next? They'd been so focused on finding Sophia and the danger from walkers that they hadn't considered the danger people may pose.

“Is he alive?!” Shane shouted, not looking back at them, his shotgun still aiming at the woods around them.

Rick was near inconsolable as he felt around his son’s neck. “Rick,” she said softly, forcing him to look up at her. Seeing the pain in his eyes made her heart hurt. “Is he-” A noise crashing through the woods interrupted her, making her stand quickly. She and Shane aimed their guns at the noise.

“Stop right fucking there!” Shane yelled out as a man came into view.

“Oh my God. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to. Is he-” He stammered, breathing heavily. “Did I kill him?” He looked scared, not like he’d meant to shoot Carl. It wasn’t until she’d seen the deer between them that her brain connected the two. The man tried to step forward, and Shane yelled again for him to stay put. “I can get him help. A doctor at the farm I’m stayin at,” he insisted. She looked over at Shane, nodding. She turned to help Rick, but he already had Carl up in his arms, insisting that this man show them the way to this farm to save his son. There was no thought to what the farm might hold, because the only thing they knew for certain was that if they did nothing, Carl wouldn't survive. And she was certain none of them would survive that.

Chapter 9

The man was dragging as they ran toward the farm. There was no way he could keep up the pace that they needed to be running at. Carl was bleeding and all she could think as she jogged next to Rick was that every jostle could make things worse. Every movement and every second wasted risked his life. “How far? How far?” Rick asked desperately when it was evident the man was not going to make it.

“Another half mile, that way! Hershel, talk to Hershel! He'll help your boy. I'm sorry,” he was leaning over his knees, struggling to breathe.

Natalie looked back to her brother. “Go with Rick. Go!” he insisted, waving her forward.

She nodded, running to catch up to him. The only thing she could hear was their feet moving the tall grass and the ragged sounds of Rick’s breathing as he tried to keep himself calm enough to save his son. He stopped for a moment when they saw the house. “Rick, do you need me to h-”

“I got him,” he didn’t let her finish as he readjusted Carl, moving forward, clutching desperately at him to get him to Hershel.

Five people stood on the porch, one of them holding a bat, as if they thought they were being attacked. Ready to strike. Her hand reflexively went to her hip where her gun was situated. But it was apparently it wasn't necessary as the older man stepped forward. “Was he bit?” The older man asked.

“Shot. By your man,” Rick answered, on the cusp of losing it. She heard one of the women ask if it was Otis. Maybe that was his name. She couldn’t remember if he’d said it. She hadn’t listened to anything he’d said beyond the fact that he could get Carl help. “He said find Hershel. Is that you? Help me. Help my boy,” he pleaded.

Hershel took control immediately, giving instructions to the others on what he needed. She followed, feeling truly helpless for the first time as she stood on the other side of the bed while Rick set Carl down and Hershel started to examine him. She watched, wide eyed as the adrenaline wore off and she was left with the paralyzing fear that Carl wasn’t going to be alright. That they'd lost another child. “Rick, we're gonna do everything we can, okay? You need to give us some room. Now,” Hershel insisted.

She couldn’t think of anything to say. How could she comfort him when she wasn’t even sure she could speak without tears? How could she tell him it was going to be fine if she didn’t know that? Because if Carl died, she didn’t think Rick would ever be okay. She forced herself to take a deep breath, remembering that there was a reason Shane sent her ahead with him. She reached out, grabbing his hand, and he looked at her, nodding, but still in a daze. He let her lead him to the porch, where she could see Shane running with Otis behind him. She was relieved, because he’d know what to do. How to handle this. She couldn’t. She couldn’t be there for Rick when she was so afraid, herself. Her brother didn’t waste a moment in making his way toward Rick. He pulled out a rag, helping to clean his face of the blood Rick had smeared across it when he wiped his brow. She stood still, trying to keep the tears from falling as she watched Shane comforting Rick. She couldn’t let herself fall apart, not when Rick needed people to keep him together.

She tried to stay out of the way as Shane stood with Rick, keeping him standing. When he’d lost it over Lori not knowing, she’d almost left then, ready to run the several miles through the woods they’d come, because it was the most helpful thing she could think of. But Shane shook his head quietly, as if he could tell what she was thinking. She’d always hated that. That he seemed to know her better than she knew herself sometimes. They waited outside the room while the others worked on Carl and she sat, gripping Rick’s hand. Shane was the one who knew what to say to Rick right now. But she could give him the only thing she knew how, and that was comfort. She knew he’d blame himself before he ever spoke the words. It was what he’d always done. He took responsibility for everyone and everything. Shane always told her she gotten that from Rick. Maybe she had. She could think of a lot worse traits she could have learned from the two of them over the years.

Rick didn't waste any time in preparing himself to give blood when Hershel Maggie opened the door, informing them that Carl needed it. The tone of her voice made it clear it was needed badly. How much blood had Carl lost? She felt dazed as she stood next to her brother, seeing Rick and Carl connected by a thin tube of blood. Shane pulled her to his side, resting his arm around her shoulders, as if things were calm enough now for him to realize she needed comfort too. She hadn’t realized it until she rested her head on his shoulder, watching Rick with sad eyes. It’s like they just couldn’t take a breath. It was starting to feel like for every moment of joy they got, they were doomed for something equally awful. Shane let her go to help Rick out of the room, where she saw Otis and Maggie sitting, waiting for news.

“Lori has to be here, Shane. She has to know,” he pleaded up to his best friend.

“Okay, I get that. I'm gonna handle it. But you've gotta handle your end.” Rick questioned him, still looking lost. He wasn’t used to not having the answers. “Your end is being here, for your son. Even if he didn't need your blood to survive, there is no way I'd ever let you walk out that door. Man, I-I'd break your legs if you tried. I mean, you know that, right?” Rick lowered his head, holding it in his hand. She reached out, rubbing his back gently. Shane’s voice was softer when he spoke again. “If something happened to him and you weren't here. If-if he slipped away while you were gone, you would never forgive yourself for that, and neither would Lori, man.”

“You’re right,” Rick nodded, sniffing.

Shane tried to put on a smile. As if the world wasn’t crumbling around them. “When was I ever wrong? You know, when you were in that hospital, the one you were never supposed to leave, man. You should've seen Lori. She was like-” he stopped. “The strength of that woman. You can't imagine it. See, that's what you gotta have now. I mean, Carl, he needs that from you,” He knelt in front of Rick, resting his forehead against his. “So, you wire yourself tight, my friend. Hmm? You hear? You've got the hard part. You just leave the rest to me, okay?” Hershel opened the door, bringing more bad news. While he was stable, he also needed a more intricate surgery, and it required medical equipment they didn’t have. Her head swiveled back and forth as she listened to Otis and Hershel discuss where they could get these supplies, landing on the FEMA camp, despite it being overrun. “I said leave the rest to me. Is it too late to take that back?” Shane smiled over at Rick.

“I hate you goin' alone,” Rick looked at him seriously.

“He’s not goin alone,” she spoke up for the first time in what felt like hours. She hadn’t known how to help when it involved words and reassurances. But she could do this part. She could go and do something. “I’m goin with you,” she looked at Shane, trying to sound like she wasn’t giving him a choice.

He shook his head. “No. You’re not,” he didn’t bother with an explanation, instead turning to Hershel and asking him to draw him a map and give him a list. Otis interrupted, insisting he’d go with him, but even as they settled it, she didn’t feel better. She drew her eyebrows together as she looked at her brother. Trusting his fate to the man who’d just shot Carl was not what she wanted to do. Not without her. The only thing that made her feel better was Maggie offering to find Lori so Rick had her there.

She followed Shane out of the house as he and Otis prepared to leave. She wrapped her arms around his neck, feeling silly for finally letting tears flow over this trip, but she couldn’t help but feel that pit in her stomach. Like she might not see her brother again. “Make sure you come back, okay? Cause if I have to go out there to find you, I’m gonna be really pissed,” she tried to laugh through the tears. “I really hate that I’m not gonna be there to have your back,” she frowned.

“I’ll be fine, Nat. It’s gonna be in and out. Otis knows what we need. I just gotta watch our backs,” he reached up, wiping her cheeks. She insisted again that she wanted to go, and he shook his head, his palms resting on her cheeks. “You gotta be here for Rick, right? Him and Lori, they’re gonna need you if somethin happens while I’m gone. I know you’re strugglin with all this, but you gotta be strong for them, all right?” he waited for her to nod before he pulled her back in for another hug. “I’m gonna be fine. I don’t want you worryin,” he insisted. As if that was going to keep her from being terrified until he returned.

She felt Rick’s arm around her shoulders as they watched the truck pull off. She slid her arm around his waist, knowing he was feeling the same worry she was. Their brother was going out into danger and neither of them were going to be there to watch his back. And no matter what animosity they’d all gone through, that didn’t matter anymore. All that mattered was that Shane came back, and that Carl survived this. The wait was unbearable. Sitting and watching Lori and Rick stare at their son, who may not wake. Wondering if Shane would come back in time. Wondering if he would come back at all. Every fiber of her being was screaming for her to go after him, especially when it started to get dark. When Glenn brought the car, that made it even more possible. But every time she looked at Lori and Rick, and every time one of them grabbed her hand as they sat there at Carl’s bedside, she remembered her brother’s words. That she was the one who had to be there for them. And she couldn’t leave them alone, even if it killed her.

Watching those headlights pull up to the farm as Carl was running out of time felt like divine intervention. Maybe it was. She’d gripped Lori's hand as she watched Rick greet her brother, and he relayed his story about Otis. She could see it in his eyes. That he was off. That whatever had happened at the high school. She couldn’t help but think back to the attack on the camp, and how awful it was watching people die. Hearing them scream. Once Rick was back next to his wife, she practically jumped on Shane, wrapping her arms around him.

She didn’t leave his side as they waited for Hershel. She sat on the hood of the truck where he was leaning. “Shane,” she said quietly, waiting for him to look over at her. “You really okay? You just seem-” she blew out a breath, not sure how to even word it. “The look you got earlier when you were talkin to Rick-”

“I’m just worried about Carl,” he dismissed. “Just need that kid to pull through,” he added. She felt like it went deeper than that. Shane hadn’t known Otis so she didn’t understand why it would affect him so much. But she’d never seen that look in his eyes. Like he was haunted. It worried her. She nodded, deciding it wasn’t the time to question him any further. She knew him well enough to know he’d only shut down or get mad at her.

When she saw Hershel at the door, she hopped down and made her way toward Lori and Rick, hugging Lori and crying with relief at the news that Carl had stabilized. While she knew that didn’t mean he was out of the woods, Hershel seemed hopeful and it was better than it had been for most of the day. She let Lori go as her and Rick went inside, one to go to Carl, and the other to deliver news to Patricia that her husband was gone. She sank down the the porch as her brother passed to go inside, desperate to just have a moment to be able to breathe.

Glenn sighed as he sat next to her, and she leaned over on to his shoulder. “Quite a day,” he muttered. “You okay?”

“Mhm,” she replied, closing her eyes and trying not to listen to the sounds of Patricia’s pained cries. “There’s so much death and pain now. I just wonder if we’ll ever get used to it,” she sighed. “Think I’m more scared we will, to be honest. That days like today won’t be scary anymore because we’re just used to losing people,” she took in a deep breath, trying not to cry again. She really needed to figure out a way to control her emotions.

“You know, I was talking to Maggie earlier. About everything we’ve lost. What they’ve lost. She told me I had to make it okay somehow. No matter what happens, we’ll find a way to make it okay somehow,” he rested his head on hers.

“Thanks Glenn,” she murmured, trying to block out the crying still coming from the house. She wasn’t sure how they would make it okay, but it was a nice thought. She stared out at the land surrounding them. Maybe Sophia letting lost and Carl getting shot would mean something if they could stay. Then once they found Sophia and Carl recovered, they could have a safe life, one they deserved. Maybe this farm was how they made everything okay.

Notes:

Sorry, life's been really busy lately! Multiple birthdays in the last week has just made it hard to finish this chapter out. New chapter should be up in a few days though. Thank you so much for reading, and the kudos and comments! I appreciate you all!

Chapter 10

She’d stood silently at the memorial for Otis after the other arrived at the farm. The only thing she knew about the man was that he’d shot one of the people she loved most in the world, but he’d tried to make that right. And Carl had survived and even woken up, so she couldn’t stay angry. She couldn’t help but feel awful for Patricia. And guilty that their entry into these people’s lives had only brought them pain. After, she stood around the hood of the car with Shane, Rick, Andrea, and Hershel. Maggie brought out a map, and she could see the light seem to return to Rick’s eyes. “County survey map. Shows terrain and elevation,” Maggie told them as she laid it out.

“This is perfect. We can finally get this thing organized. We can grid the whole area. Start searching in teams,” Rick sounded optimistic. It was the first real spark of hope they’d had since Sophia disappeared.

“Not you. Not today,” Hershel told him. “You gave three pints of blood yesterday. You wouldn’t make it five minutes out in this heat. And you,” he turned to Shane. “With your ankle, if you push it now, you’ll be laid up in bed for a month, no good to anybody.”

“Guess it’s just me then,” Daryl told them.

“And me,” Natalie protested. “Got all my blood and both my ankles are good.”

“Nat, I don’t like the idea of you goin out there,” Rick told her. “I’d rather you want until Shane or I can go too.”

“Gotta say, I’m with Rick on this one. I'd rather be there with you,” Shane nodded. She rolled her eyes, preparing for the laundry list of reasons she wasn’t fit to go out there like any other member of the group. “But if Daryl is fine with it,” he sighed, putting his hands on his hips.

“Daryl?” She looked at him expectantly.

He glanced at Rick and Shane before settling on her. He nodded. “Alright. But you listen when we’re out there. If you don’t and you get yourself killed, none of y’all better come lookin to me for blame,” he told them.

She could see both Rick and Shane look at Daryl, and she cleared her throat before either of them could respond. “Great. So where are we starting?” She asked quickly, looking across the hood at Daryl. She knew he wouldn’t let her get killed. But she also knew that Rick and Shane probably didn’t totally understand him, and neither of them wanted to hear him talk about her not coming back. She listened as they moved on from her and on to whether or not they would be able to stay armed while out. She agreed with Shane on wanting to keep her gun, as she hadn't been without it since they'd left for evacuation, but she knew Rick was right in agreeing to Hershel’s terms for the moment. She also knew that Rick wouldn’t be planning on staying unarmed forever. He was doing what he did best, and that was gaining trust.

Shane pulled her aside once she’d changed and made sure her water canteen was full. His hands were on his hips and she half expected him to tell her he’d changed his mind. “You listen to Daryl, okay?” He raised his brows at her. She couldn’t stop herself from chuckling as she nodded. It reminded her of the first time she’d gone driving with Rick. Shane had refused to teach her after they’d been on the road for 15 minutes and had been ready to strangle each other. But he’d hated Rick taking her out without him. Been so worried that they were both going to get killed. “I mean it, Nat. If somethin happens to you out there-”

“You’re worryin too much. We’re walkin in the woods, not goin to an overrun high school,” she raised her brows, a grin on her face. “Hopefully we go out, find Sophia, and are back in time for dinner.”

“It’s my job to worry about you,” he pulled her in for a hug.

“Why are you lettin me go out without you?” She frowned, unsure why she was asking. She didn’t want him to change his mind. But it was bugging her. He hadn’t even let her walk the perimeter at camp because she’d be out of his sight.

“I know you’re capable. And I might not always be around,” he told her, ducking his eyes.

“Fuckin hell, Shane. You’re still talkin about leavin?” She groaned. “And you’re gonna leave me behind?” She smacked the back of his head, knocking his hat up. If she hadn’t been so aggravated at him, she might have laughed at his irritated expression as he readjusted it. “You are such an idiot. Carl was shot. Yesterday. That didn’t change anything for you?”

“I’m not sayin I’m leavin. But seein what I saw at the high school, I know i can’t keep you locked away and safe like when you were a kid. You’re an adult. And one that is probably more capable with a weapon than anyone I know besides Rick. But you gotta have come confidence out there or you’ll end up one of those things. You can’t be scared when you’re surrounded,” he told her.

“Shane, what happened out there?” She asked quietly. She watched his posture change as he shifted his weight. He wiped at his face, a nervous habit she remembered from all those years of watching him lie to their parents about where he’d go or what he’d been doing. She wasn’t sure she wanted to know. And he didn't seem like he wanted to tell her.

Daryl came barreling toward them. “You comin?” he asked, not stopping as he passed them. He was irritated already. She rolled her eyes with a small smile as she looked at her brother, almost thankful for that break in tension with Shane.

“Better go,” she said. He nodded as she turned to jog toward Daryl, who apparently was not going to wait for her. She wanted to ask so many questions as he did his tracking, but she knew he didn’t want to answer all of them, so she stayed quiet, and did her best to stay behind him to stop from leaving an additional trail. They walked for hours, and didn’t seem to find anything that would lead him to believe he’d found a trail.

As they approached a clearing, there was an old farmhouse. It looked long abandoned. “Stay behind me,” he told her as he readied his crossbow and kicked open the doors. “Stay close,” he whispered as they went room by room, making sure the area was clear. When they reached the kitchen, he looked in the trash can, finding an open can of sardines. He looked over at her before grabbing it and smelling it. “Not too old,” he said. He looked over at the pantry door and opened it, but no one was in there. There was, however, a small makeshift bed. Not big enough for an adult but big enough for a child Sophia’s age. He nodded his head to indicate for her to follow him outside. “Sophia!” He called and she followed suit, looking around. Daryl walked around, stopping in front of a couple of blooming white flowers. He stared for a while, and she wanted to ask but the way he was carefully plucking one told her to stop. Once he grabbed it, he silently started walking again. “Come on. We’re gonna lose the daylight soon,” he said and he sounded defeated. But he held the flower carefully as they walked.

Once they reached the farm, she was greeted with hugs by Shane, Rick, and Lori. Daryl left her to go to the RV where Andrea told him Carol was. “Did you find anything?” Rick asked hopefully. When she shook her head, his face fell.

“Well we did find an abandoned house. A can of sardines and a makeshift bed. Daryl says he wants to go out further tomorrow,” she told them before. She left them to visit with Carl, who was understandably in pain, but in good spirits. After, she grabbed an extra bowl of noodles and made her way toward the tree where she’d seen Daryl sitting and sharpening arrows. She handed him a a bowl and sat down across from him.

“What’re you doin?” He asked quietly.

“You didn’t come to dinner. Thought you’d be hungry after that hike today,” she shrugged, digging into her noodles. “It’s really good,” she told him. He twirled the noodles around his fork but she noticed he didn’t take a bite. She noticed he didn’t look up at her either. She sighed. He was going to be difficult. “Thanks for lettin me come out today,” she smiled at him, determined to not let his mood get to her. He glanced at her, but just shrugged. “Still surprised Shane let me go. He’s actin off,” she shook her head.

“Killin someone’ll do that to you,” he muttered.

“Not funny,” she narrowed her eyes.

“Otis probably didn’t think so either,” he answered, setting down the food next to him and going back to sharpening his arrows.

“Shut the fuck up, Dixon. If you’re tryin to piss me off just because you’re in a mood, it ain’t gonna work. What’s crawled up your butt anyway?” She frowned. She’d grown up with Shane. She knew how men like that worked. Men who couldn’t let anything positive around them when they were mad. It had pissed her off then and it was no better now. She tried to push out the thought that he wasn't joking. or trying to make her mad. That he really thought that was what happened. She was not going to jump to the worst thought she could have about her brother.

"Rick told me I was off the hook today. With helpin search," he looked up at her, stopping momentarily.

"I didn't know anyone put you on the hook except yourself," she told him. Why was he telling her this? Was that seriously why he’d been in such a foul mood at the start of the search? She didn’t even know he cared about what Rick thought. He didn’t seem to care much about what anyone thought.

"Guess that's the point, ain't it? We're all on the hook for somethin. Whether we wanna be or not. And I'm tellin you, you're off the hook too." He wouldn’t meet her eyes as he continued to strike his knife against the wood. She was certain he was just whittling down the wood at this point because it was sharp.

"The hell are you talkin about? I can’t just stop lookin for her," she frowned. She’d looked after the girl back at camp. Played games with her and made flower crowns for her and tried to keep her smiling when she was down. She was as much her family as anyone else out there. "I'm going out there tomorrow. I know you probably don’t want me followin you around, but Rick and Shane-”

"With me. You're off the hook. You ain't gotta be nice to me just because you feel bad about Merle or whatever," he told her. "It's not your fault your brother came back and mine disappeared. So just-" his eyes met hers. "You're off the hook."

"Daryl, I don't-" she started. Where was this coming from? They were friends, weren't they? He had to know that wasn’t why she spent time with him. Why she was nice to him.

"Just go," he told her. When she didn't move, he looked up at her again. "Just leave me the fuck alone!"

"Screw you, Daryl," she snarled and stood up, dropping her bowl on the ground and stomping back toward the camp. She didn't make it halfway when Shane caught her.

"Hey there, why you stomping around madder than a cat that just had a bath?"

She shook her head. She didn't want him to see her cry over Daryl. And over what he'd said about Shane. She didn’t want anyone to see her cry, period.

"Nat, talk to me," he lifted her chin to look at him. "What happened?"

“Nothin. I’m just an idiot,” she laughed, but the tears were forming in her eyes and one dropped down her cheek.

Shane pulled her toward him, hugging her. “You want me to go kick his ass?” He asked and she couldn’t help but to laugh, wiping at her cheeks. Because it was the same offer he’d always given when she cried over a boy. She knew he wasn’t serious. Well, he was. But he knew she’d never say yes, so it was always more of a joke. She shook her head. “You know whatever he said to upset you, it doesn’t matter. You’re too good for that douchebag,” he said, looking over her shoulder toward where Daryl sat, speaking louder than necessary. She knew he hoped Daryl heard him.

“Stop,” she told him seriously. “Don’t say that. It’s not true and I won’t hear it,” she eyed him. “I’m just gonna go to bed,” she told him, not wanting to have this conversation. She wasn't even sure why she cared so much. If Daryl didn't want to be her friend, she shouldn't care. She had the rest of the camp. But that didn't make her feel any better. And she couldn't stop his words about Shane from echoing through her mind. He called after her. But she didn’t turn around. She just wanted to try to sleep. She was exhausted anyway, having barely slept in days. At least she’d managed to have a few bites of dinner so her stomach wasn’t growling anymore.

When she woke up, the girls were already working on laundry and the men were gathered around the truck with the map. “Natalie!” Rick called out and waved his arm for her to join them. “We’re just figuring out search teams today for today. Daryl’s gonna take the ridge up here,” he looked up at Daryl. “You want company? Nat can ride."

“No,” Natalie blurted out even as Daryl quietly shook his head.

Rick looked between them curiously. Shane was glaring at him. “Alright, fine. You can come out with me and Shane,” he told her.

“I’m not going today,” she told him. “I’m beat from yesterday and I thought I should try to help with some stuff around here. You’ve got enough to worry about without watching my back,” she told him.

He eyed her, tilting his head a bit. “What’s goin on?” He asked.

“Nothin,” she said, trying to sound as casual as possible. “Just figured out that maybe I’ll be more helpful here than out there. No reason to jeopardize the search for my ego,” she shrugged. She glanced at Daryl, who was staring at her, before turning around to go back toward the porch.

She sat next to Dale as he messed around with the guitar Dale had found. “Hey, I thought you were going out today,” he said, strumming lightly.

“They had plenty of people,” she shrugged. She looked down at the position of his fingers. "You have no clue how to play do you?" She laughed. He shook his head. "Here," she shook her head, moving his fingers into a C chord. "Should be better now."

"You play?" He smiled as he strummed, sounding much more like music.

"Used to. Haven't played in a long time," she shrugged. “How did your pharmacy run go yesterday?” She asked. She hadn’t managed to get him alone after she returned to see if they got anything worthwhile. He grinned wider, and his cheeks flushed. “What happened?” She asked, smiling finally as she realized her friend liked Maggie. She was glad to have something to be happy about. She was so tired of being miserable all the time, and this felt like the most normal conversation she could have. Like she was talking to a friend back in the normal world.

“I had sex with Maggie,” he blurted out and then looked like he regretted saying it out loud as he set the guitar down.

“Wow,” she blinked. It wasn’t exactly what she’d expected. She’d thought he was just going to confess that he had a crush on her. Or maybe even that he’d kissed her. “Good for you,” she grinned at him as she realized he was waiting for a reaction. “And?” She asked.

“What, do you want details?” He raised a brow.

She smacked his chest. “No, dummy. I wanna know what happened after,” she laughed. “Are you two-” She let her words hang.

“I’m not sure,” he told her. “She says she doesn’t know if it’s gonna happen again. But I think she likes me,” he said with a broader smile.

“I’m happy for you,” she told him, grabbing his hand and squeezing. And she genuinely meant it. She hoped Maggie decided she liked him. Or more likely, decided that she was open to love in the shitstorm they were stuck in. Because if any of them deserved to find someone, it was Glenn. He was smart and funny and kind. She knew he would have been a catch before all of it, but those qualities were certainly more rare nowadays.

She’d spent the rest of the afternoon trying to clean up and organize camp. Going through their supplies, she couldn’t help but wonder how long they would last. Eventually they’d need to get more, and she could only think that it’d be better to start searching before they got low. But she’d work on Shane with that later. He’d just allowed her to go out on her own around the woods. He wasn’t going to let her go into town yet. Probably. She heard Andrea screaming about a walker out near the woods. The men immediately grabbed weapons and ran, and it was only when she saw Rick grab his gun that she grabbed one of the tools Carl had found on the highway, following them.

She stopped behind the others, her breathing heavy. She knew her heart was beating quickly from the run, but she felt like it had stopped when she saw him, realizing it wasn’t just some random walker that had come through. “Is that Daryl?” Glenn asked. She felt sick. She’d let him out there alone and he’d gotten attacked. If her stupid pride hadn’t been bruised, maybe she could have gone with him. Maybe she could have helped him.

“That's the third time you've pointed that thing at my head. You gonna pull the trigger or what?” He asked in a low voice. She let out a hysterical laugh as she realized he was alive. He wasn’t one of those things. She wasn’t going to have to watch someone else she cared about die, especially after she’d just had an argument. She could see the tension leave her brother and Shane in front of her as Rick lowered his gun. Almost as suddenly, the sound of Andrea’s rifle rang out, Daryl dropped to the ground, and her world was spinning again as she heard Rick screaming out.

Chapter 11

“Oh my god! Did I kill him?” Andrea screamed as she came running toward them with Dale. Shane and Rick both had an arm around Daryl, picking him up.

“Unconscious. Just grazed him,” Rick answered, clearly irritated.

She couldn’t blame him. Andrea was so damned eager to prove she could hang with the guys that she had risked the life of one of their own. “You’re real fuckin lucky you didn’t,” she pushed past her.

“It was an accident,” Dale defended her.

“One that almost killed him,” she growled and rounded on Andrea. “You’re so damned worried about provin you can, that you don’t realize you shouldn’t. Next time, make sure you can actually see the person you’re shootin at," she frowned.

“Guys,” T-Dog interrupted, holding up a doll. “Isn’t this Sophia’s?”

“Put that away,” Shane ordered, continuing their trek up the field. “We don’t say anything until we know more. Carol can’t see that.”

She stood against the wall of the bedroom, biting at her fingernail as they laid Daryl on the bed, feeling an intense sense of deja vu. He groaned as Shane and Rick shifted to set him down, muttering about him being more careful, earning a quiet laugh from her. If he was grumpy, he probably would be fine and back to himself quickly. That thought made her relax. Hershel came in with the medical bag, digging through it, pulling out a needle and thread. She grimaced at the thought of stitches, as he probably didn’t have anything to numb the pain. She did not envy Daryl in that moment.

As Hershel moved over to the bedside, he instructed Daryl to take his shirt off so he could stitch him up, and she had to stop herself from laughing as Daryl’s eyes found her. He looked at her as if she was in the boys locker room. “No need to be precious on my account, Dixon. Ain’t nothin I haven’t seen before,” she insisted with a laugh. 4 pairs of eyes immediately landed on her. Daryl looked almost horrified, Hershel disapproving, Shane angry, and Rick curious. “Not because we-” she looked between them all, her finger waving back and forth in the space between her and Daryl. “We’ve never-” she stopped, blowing out a breath. “I just mean in general,” she turned to her brother, who finally stopped scowling at Daryl long enough to look at her. “I seem to remember you refusing to wear a shirt for like 2 years once you got all that,” she smacked his stomach with the back of her hand, seeming to remind him that he needed to button his shirt. She pushed off the wall, heading toward the door. “Good lord. I’ll just go. Men,” she rolled her eyes and shook her head as she left them.

She’d helped the women put dinner together, despite the uncomfortable environment. It was clear that Hershel didn’t want them there, so she kept her head down at the dinner table. Once she’d eaten and helped clean up, figuring leaving a mess could only make Hershel like them less, she walked down the hall, stopping when she heard Carol talking to Daryl in his room. She didn’t want to interrupt, so instead she found herself standing back a few feet, pretending she couldn’t hear her. Carol stopped and looked at her awkwardly as she passed in the hall, leaving the door to his room open. “You’re popular tonight,” she raised a brow as she sat on the chair next to the bed. She propped her feet up on the end of the bed, ignoring his annoyed look. “How you feelin?”

“Good as I look,” he muttered.

“So, terrible then. Poor baby,” she grinned at the look he gave her. She wasn’t sure why she enjoyed getting under his skin, but she suspected it was because it was just so easy. And because he didn’t ever really take her seriously. She missed the banter. The teasing relationship she had with her friends back before all of it.

“Ha ha. Your humor’s almost as good as your cookin,” he scowled, and she barked out a laugh. “Don’t you have anything better to do than be an asshole? I did get shot today. And now I got your brother lookin at me like corrupted you.”

“I call it karma. You were an asshole to me yesterday. So now we’re even,” she shrugged. “And don’t worry about Shane. He’s like that around every guy I’m friends with. I’m long past the point of someone bein able to corrupt me,” she chuckled.

“You really comparin me gettin shot in the head to you gettin your feelings hurt?” He arched an eyebrow. “You’re delusional,” he said. She could hear the amusement in his voice, even if he wouldn’t give her the pleasure of laughing at her.

“Not the first time I’ve heard that,” she grinned smugly. “You know you’re making it sound way worse than it was. You barely got shot.”

“You’re a jerk,” he muttered, shaking his head. But she’d gotten the intended reaction of a smile. “If I made you so mad, why’re you in here torturin me? Could be out pickin on someone else. Someone you like.”

“Came in here to tell you that I'm glad you didn't get killed, even if you were mean to me yesterday. You went out there today and got hurt. And if you’d actually died, I woulda had to live with that argument. I don’t like arguin with my friends. So you can be an ass all you want, Dixon. But you’re stuck with me,” she stood up, heading to the door.

“Who said we were friends?”

“Me,” she shrugged, laughing. “Good night, Daryl,” she told him as she walked back into the hallway. She felt better as she walked through the house. She didn’t want to have bad blood with someone she enjoyed the company of. Not that there weren’t people she wouldn’t care about not getting along with. She’d never liked Merle, or cared what kind of relationship they had. But she genuinely liked Daryl. Even if he liked to act like the help he gave meant nothing, she knew better. And she was glad to hear Carol tell him. Glad to hear someone else voice what she’d known. That he was a good man who was important to the group.

“What’d you and Daryl talk about?” Shane stood on the porch, apparently waiting for her. He had that look about him. Leaning on the support post, arms crossed. The big brother about to lecture his baby sister look. She’d seen this a million times. Listened to him rant and rave about how whichever man

She sighed, dropping her head as she realized what his problem was. “Don’t do this now, Shane,” she looked back up at him. “In fact, don’t do this at all,” she pushed past him and started walking toward the tents.

“Natalie,” he warned as he grabbed her arm to stop her. “This thing, it’s bad news. It complicates things. I dunno what happened with you two out in the woods and why you were upset yesterday. But you’re too good for him,” he put his hands on his hips. “Come on now, Nat. His brother was a loudmouth racist piece of trash. You think he’s much better?”

She had to stop herself from reaching out to smack him. He always knew how to make her angry, but she wasn’t sure why he was so bent on it right now. Instead, she settled for crossing her arms. “I dunno. You’re an asshole and I’m generally a delight, so maybe siblings have some room for differences.”

“Let me tell you somethin-”

She laughed angrily. She wasn’t here to be lectured. “Oh, here we go,” she threw her arms out. She lowered her voice, imitating him. “Let me tell you somethin,” she rolled her eyes, and his frown only deepened. “I’m not 15 anymore, Shane. I’m damn near 30 years old. You can’t tell me what I can and can’t do with boys. You can’t tell me what to do period. And for the record, nothin is goin on between us. We’re friends.”

“Yeah, alright Natalie. You know what? You’re right. You do whatever you want. When this all goes sideways, don’t come runnin to me for help,” his dismissed, stomping back toward camp. She groaned. What had she ever done to deserve such a difficult brother?

"Guys, the barn is full of walkers," Glenn announced at breakfast two days later. It was almost casual. And suddenly she understood why he had been so paranoid lately. He’d known.

“What the hell do you mean?” Shane walked up on Glenn, who looked even more nervous.

“There’s, uh, walkers. In the barn,” he took off his hat, wringing it between his hands.

Shane cursed and practically went running down to toward the barn. The rest of the group looked at each other, almost as if to ask what else to do? They all seemed to settle on the decision at the same time, to get up and follow him. They all watched as Shane stood at the barn door, staring inside through an open crack. She understood now why they were so far from the barn. You could hear them.

Shane turned and stomped toward Rick. “You cannot possibly tell me you’re okay with this.”

“I’m not. But we’re guests here. This isn’t our land,” Rick told him, and she could hear a sense of desperation in his tone.

"We can't just sweep this under the rug," Andrea told them.

“Shane, just calm down,” Natalie put a hand on his arm, trying to stop him from pacing. She knew he was only amping himself up more. And that was not going to be good for any of them. She knew Rick was looking for a way to keep them there. Hershel didn’t like them. Didn’t trust them. And that seemed to fall particularly on the Walsh siblings. She guessed her part in that was sharing the wrong DNA. But Rick was good with people. And the farm was safe. The walkers were contained. “We can figure things out, but we gotta do it with a clear head. Listen to Rick. He can work things out with Hershel.”

That seemed to be the exact wrong thing to say. "Listen to Rick," he muttered, shaking his head. "It ain't right. Not remotely. We've got to go in there and make things right or we've just got to go. Now we've been talking about Fort Benning for a long time."

"We can't go," Rick told him without a second thought.

"Why Rick? Why?"

"Because my daughter is still out there," Carol interrupted.

"I think it's time we considered the possibility-"

"I'm close to finding this girl. I just found her damn doll two days ago!" Daryl yelled at him.

"You found a damn doll, Daryl. That’s what you found. A doll."

"Man, you don't know what the hell you're talking about," Daryl dismissed him, walking angrily toward him. Rick held out an arm, trying to keep the peace, and she found herself on the other side, between them. The last thing she needed was for Daryl and Shane to have it out.

"I'm just saying what needs to be said. You find a lead, its in the first 48 hours."

"Shane, stop," Rick warned.

Shane didn't stop though. He started walking toward Daryl aggressively, only stopped by Rick between them, still trying to keep both of them at bay. "And let me tell you something, man. If she was alive out there and saw you comin. All methed out with your buck knife. Geek ears around your neck, she would run the other direction! God only knows what the hell Nat sees in you!” he said, his arm out toward Natalie.

Daryl threw himself at Shane, who was being held back by Rick. She didn’t think as she flung herself between them, pushing at Shane’s chest to try to get him to back off. “Get your damn hands off me!” He yelled at her, pushing her back. She landed on her butt in the dirt, and Rick immediately turned to her, pulling her up and wrapping an arm around her. When he stepped toward her, Lori put a hand out, glaring at him, to keep him away. She stood behind Rick as she listened to Shane seem to pick a fight with everyone before finally walking away. She walked with him away from the barn, stopping when he stopped walking, staring at her.

“I’m alright, Rick. He didn’t mean to hurt me. And I won’t break from fallin on my butt,” she chuckled. She knew better than to get between Shane and anyone. But she couldn’t stand to see him fight with Daryl. She knew Rick would never let a fight go too far, but Daryl and Shane didn’t like each other. And she didn’t think either of them had much restraint in a fight.

“Lori’s pregnant,” Rick blurted out. Natalie couldn’t stop herself from stammering. Pregnant? She knew what that meant. Rick hadn’t been back that long. “It’s mine,” he told her, and Natalie nodded. “No matter what, it’s mine,” he added.

“Why’re you tellin me this?” She asked. A niece or nephew. She thought that possibility was gone. She’d only held out a tiny bit of hope before all this, since Shane never could commit to anyone. She hesitated. “Does Shane know?” He shook his head and she sighed. “Rick, I don’t think you should tell Shane,” she felt sick. Like she was betraying her brother. But if Rick coming back and rejoining his family again has messed up her brother this much, she had no idea what finding out Lori was pregnant with his child would do. And to find out that no matter what, he wasn’t going to be raising his kid as his, it was brutal.

“He’s gonna find out eventually,” he told her.

She shook her head. “No he won’t. We’ll leave. I’ll pack up and the two of us, we’ll head out to Fort Benning and see what’s out there. You can stay here where it’s safe.” It was the only solution she could think of that would save everyone. If they left, Shane wouldn't know and there wouldn't be any questions to this kid who their father was. Rick could raise his kid on the farm, quiet and safe and happy.

“No,” he frowned. "No."

“Rick, you know he’s not gonna take this well. I love Shane. I’d do anything for him. But you and I both know this kid is-” she didn’t want to say it. She didn’t want to see the pain in his eyes at the words. Knowing and hearing it out loud were different things. He nodded. “So let me leave and take him with me. This is gonna kill him. It’s better if he doesn’t know,” she said, and she could feel the burning behind her eyes. The thought of leaving Rick and Lori and Carl broke her heart. Of losing Glenn and Daryl. And all the others. She wondered if Andrea would join them.

“Stop,” he shook his head. “You’re not goin anywhere. I’m not losin my family. We’re gonna figure this out. And I’ll deal with Shane. I told you because I love you. I know this isn’t gonna be easy, but we’ll figure it out,” he pulled her toward him, hugging her. “Just tell me you’ll help me protect my kids always.”

“Of course,” she whispered. She knew she would if she could. But she also knew this was going to break their group. Rick had always been an optimist, but she was realistic. She knew her brother. And she knew the minute he found out, they were never getting back to where they were before Rick was shot. They would never get anywhere close. And once again, she was caught in the middle of the two most important men in her life.

Notes:

Thank you for the love on the story! Sorry this took a while to update. It's just been a crazy end of the month and then beginning of the month. Anyway, new chapter should be up soon! 😊

Chapter 12

She’d actively avoided Shane for the rest of the day. She didn’t know how to lie to her brother’s face about his own kid. About what she was willing to do to protect Rick. He’d never forgive her if he found out. But when she saw him come walking out of the woods with the bag of guns that was supposed to be in the RV, she couldn’t stay away. She jogged toward him as he barreled toward the house. “Shane, what the hell are you doin?”

He stopped. “Take it,” he held her pistol out to her.

“No. Rick made a deal with Hershel. We don’t carry-”

“Rick,” he muttered angrily and shook his head. “Rick ain’t your brother, girl. Take the gun!” he yelled and pushed it toward her.

“Stop,” she shook her head. “I dunno what’s got you all hopped up, but you need to calm-”

“Tell me to calm down one more fuckin time, Natalie, I swear I’ll-” He stopped and let out a long breath. She narrowed her eyes. She wasn’t sure she if she wanted him to finish that sentence or not. “She’s pregnant, Nat. That’s my kid. And I’m not gonna let anything happen to my kid. Now take the gun. This isn’t a discussion anymore.”

She reached for the gun, taking it silently as she stared up at him sadly. She didn’t want to have to say it. She wished Rick had let her leave. That he hadn’t told Shane. “It’s not your kid,” she said quietly, and she could hear her own voice cracking. “It’s not gonna be. It's Rick's,” she shook her head. The look he gave her was worse than she could have imagined. The pure betrayal. She thought she might throw up.

“Fuck you,” he muttered, leaving her standing there.

She quickly regained her senses, following him toward the house. Whatever this was, she needed to try to talk him down. She wasn’t sure anyone else could. Maybe Lori. She watched as he handed a shotgun to Daryl. "You with me man?" Daryl took the gun from him without question. He turned to Andrea. "You got yours?"

"Yeah," she replied.

"Thought we couldn't carry," T-Dog said when Shane handed him a gun.

"We can and we have to. Look, it was one thing sitting around here picking daisies when we thought this place was supposed to be safe. But now we know it ain't,” he turned to Glenn. “How about you, man? You gonna protect yours?" He waited for Glenn to take the gun, satisfied when he did, though hesitantly. "That's it. Can you shoot?" He looked at Maggie.

"Can you stop? You hand out these guns and my dad will make you leave tonight!" She yelled at him angrily.

"Shane, we have to stay," Carl told him as he came down the stairs.

Shane knelt down to Carl and held out the gun. “We ain't going anywhere, okay? Now look, Hershel, he's just gonna understand. Okay? Well, he's gonna have to. Now we need to find Sophia. Am I right? Now I want you to take this. You take it, Carl, and you keep your mother safe. You do whatever it takes. You know how. Go on, take the gun and do it."

"Shane stop!" Natalie had enough. She stood between Shane and Carl as Lori came running.

"Rick said no guns. This is not your call. This is not your decision to make," Lori practically spat at him. Thankfully someone else who could help him see reason. If he could see reason at all.

"Oh, shit! What is that?" T-Dog asked as they watched Rick leading a walker tied to a pole toward the barn, Hershel holding another as Jimmy played bait.

Shane had taken off running and the rest of them followed. She knew this was going to end badly. She couldn’t deny, this looked bad. Accepting that Hershel and the others kept walkers in the barn was one thing, but Rick actively participating in this task of walking them back toward his family seemed wrong on so many levels.

"Shane, just back off," Rick told him as he struggled with the pole.

"Why do your people have guns?" Hershel asked.

"Are you kidding me? You see? You see what they're holding onto?" Shane yelled, looking around at the group.

"I see who I'm holding onto," Hershel told him.

"No, man, you don't."

"Shane, just let us do this and then we can talk."

"What you want to talk about, Rick? These things ain't sick. They're not people. They're dead. Ain't gonna feel nothing for them 'cause all they do, they kill! These things right here, they're the things that killed Amy. They killed Otis. They're gonna kill all of us."

Natalie stepped forward, putting her hands on his shoulders, trying to steer him away. “Shane, look at me. We can figure this out. We can have a discussion. Please,” she pleaded.

Nothing seemed to stop him though. He was on a tear, and he just pushed past her. "Hey, Hershel, man, let me ask you something. Could a living breathing person, could they walk away from this?" He shot the walker Hershel was holding three times, making her jump.

"No!" Rick yelled out. "Stop it!"

"That's three rounds in the chest. Could someone who's alive, could they just take that? Why is it still coming?" He shot it again. "That's its heart, its lungs. Why is it still coming?"

"Shane, enough." Rick was pleading. Natalie started to charge toward him, but Daryl grabbed her arm, pulling her back behind him. She looked at him angrily. She didn’t need protecting. She needed to do something. And she needed the men in her life to stop acting like she needed them.

"Yeah, you're right, man. That is enough," he said as he shot it in the head. Hershel stood frozen. Maggie, Patricia, and Beth were crying.

Then he was charging toward the barn. "Enough risking our lives for a little girl who's gone! Enough living next to a barn full of things that are trying to kill us. Enough! Rick, it ain't like it was before! Now if y'all want to live, if you want to survive, you got to fight for it! I'm talking about fighting right here, right now." Shane yelled as he got the wood off the barn door and started banging on the door. He stepped back, ready for the ones that he knew would come.

She made her way back, next to Lori and Carl as the walkers started stumbling toward the door. She had her gun ready, but she wasn’t going to take part in this. The only thing she was going to do was to protect Rick’s kids, just as she promised to do. Even if she disagreed with the walkers being in the barn, it wasn't their place to say. Brute force was not how they should be handling this. Rick knew that and she trusted that he was making the right decisions. Rick pleaded with Hershel to take the pole he was holding as the walkers flooded out of the barn, and the others joined Shane in shooting.

"Hershel! Take it! Shane. Do not do this, brother. Please!" Shane turned around and shot the one Rick was holding without hesitation. She couldn’t do anything but stare at the cold look on his face. He wasn’t the warm, loving brother she’d grown up with in this moment. And she didn’t know how to handle that. Carl ran for Rick, Lori catching up to them, and all she could do was run with them, staring at Rick for direction once Lori had a hold on Carl again behind her. She waited for an order, a reassurance, anything. But all she could see was desperation in his eyes. Like he knew this was going to ruin everything he’d worked for to keep them there.

Then came the low growling still in the barn. The one left, getting closer to the door. Then they could see the little thing. With its rolled up pants and blue shirt. That short blonde hair. She heard Carol cry out for Sophia and was glad when Daryl grabbed her, holding her back. He let her fall to the ground as she cried out for her daughter. She felt sick, looking at the little girl they'd been looking for all this time. Right here in the barn. She waited for Shane to end it, as he'd made it clear they would have to do so many times. But he hung his head.

She looked over at Rick, needing him to do something. He looked awful. Broken. But then he started walking. And then he pointed the gun and pulled the trigger, the poor girl falling to the ground, and everyone silent except for Carol who was still crying out.

She stared at the bodies on the ground. A massacre. There was no other way for her brain to think of it. Just bodies on top of bodies. She looked around at the Greene family, feeling guilty. She could see the shock and pain in each of them. Hearing Beth sobbing over the loss of family and friends. Carol wrestled herself away from Daryl, running away from the barn. All of this was nothing but pain for everyone involved. It didn’t need to be a show. Didn’t need to be this. They could have figured it out another way. Any way that didn’t cause so much damn pain.

Something in her snapped as her eyes found Shane’s. He didn’t look sad. Or remorseful. Or upset at the absolute havoc he’d unleashed on the farm. "Have you lost your damn mind?" She yelled out as she marched toward him and shoving him hard. Then she couldn't stop. She shoved him again and again as he backed up just a step each time.

He grabbed her wrists as she went to push him again. "Maybe. Seems I've lost everything else," he looked furious. Then came a scream behind them.

She turned back to see Beth screaming and everyone was running toward her as the walker, formerly her mother she assumed, had grabbed her. They all grabbed and pulled, doing their best to free the young girl. Andrea finally put what looked like a scythe through its head. As the Greene family tended to Beth, Shane followed them, screaming at them about Sophia and the walkers. She followed Rick, trying to make sure he didn’t do anything else. Anything worse than he’d done.

Hershel turned back to them, grief stricken. And in that moment, she knew he didn’t know. “Otis put those people in the barn. Maybe he found her and put her in there before he was killed.”

“You expect me to believe that? Do I look like an idiot?”

Rick stepped between them, pushing Shane back as he stepped forward. “Shane, hey hey hey.”

“I don't care what you believe! Get them off my land!” He motioned between Natalie and Shane, looking at Rick.

“Let me tell you something,” Shane started to get into Hershel’s face and immediately Maggie slapped him.

Natalie stepped between them out of pure instinct. “Don’t fuckin touch him!” She growled.

“You control your damn brother then!” Maggie yelled back, not backing down. Glenn got between them, giving Natalie a warning look. She could see in his eyes that he’d chosen Maggie. Even if she hadn’t meant to, she’d crossed a line with him. The worst part was, she couldn’t blame them for their anger. Had she been in Maggie’s place, she might have done worse than slap Shane. Honestly, she hadn’t even meant to get into this. All she’d been trying to do was help Rick with Shane. She didn’t have it in her conscious mind to defend her brother. Because she had no good reason for why he would do this the way he had.

“I mean it. Off my land,” Hershel repeated before he joined his family inside. Glenn gave them one last apologetic look before following.

She watched Rick and Shane argue over whether or not Hershel knew, or how much danger they were in, and all she could think was that she could have spared everyone if she’d just left with Shane. If she’d done what her instincts told her to do, everyone would be fine. And they’d be halfway to Fort Benning.

“I was handling it, brother. I was handling it and you just-”

“You had us out in those woods looking for a little girl that every single one of us knew was dead! That's what you did. Rick, you're just as delusional as that guy. You handling it, huh?” He stomped off, and when she went to follow, Rick grabbed her arm.

“Don’t go workin him up,” he warned her. “Just,” he sighed, shaking his head. “Just let me deal with this.”

“That’s what you said about tellin him. How’d that work out for you?” She narrowed her eyes at him. When he didn’t respond, she turned and left him behind.

She’d found Shane getting water and washing up after the bodies were loaded up on to the truck. He didn’t say anything to her as she approached, only handed her a wet rag to wipe her arms and legs. As close to an apology as she would get. “Do you realize how traumatic today was? For everyone,” she asked.

“You’d rather us wait till they get outta the barn and kill us in our sleep?” He raised a brow. “I did what needed to be done. If you can’t see that, you’re just as delusional as Rick.”

“I’m not sayin that it didn’t need done,” she groaned, rubbing her forehead. He just never understood that some things needed a delicate approach. “I’m sayin you do things without thinkin. You're so worried about bein right or provin a point that you don’t care who gets hurt in the process.”

“No one got hurt,” he dismissed.

“Oh my God. You’re so damn dense,” she shook her head in disbelief. “Carol is sittin in a trailer after watchin her dead daughter get shot in the head by someone she considers a friend. Hershel and Maggie and Beth and Patricia and Jimmy just watched their friends and family come walkin out and gettin shot and killed,” she put her hand up. “I know they were already dead but they didn't feel that way. My whole point is today was painful and it didn't need to be. We coulda handled it better.”

“And just what would you have done different? Gone out there with Rick and added some more?”

“You have got to stop with this war on Rick. He was your best friend. Your brother. You loved him before all this!”

“I do love him! But he can't see that things are different now. He can't protect Lori and Carl. You. My baby!” He beat on his chest with the last words. “Do you have any idea? Any fucking clue the things I’ve done to keep you all safe? And she just leaves me! And you-” he pointed at her. “You too! Rick ain’t gonna do the things I’m willing to do! What I have to live with! He’s gonna get you killed!” She could hear the pain in his voice. The heavy breathing, the glistening in his eyes.

Her face softened and she wrapped her arms around him, to hug him. He hesitated, but eventually she felt his arms wrap around her. “I’m sorry,” she told him, her eyes burning. She couldn’t stand the thought of her brother in pain and feeling alone. “I’m not choosin Rick over you, okay?” She let go, wiping at her cheeks. “You’re my brother and I’m here for you. Always. Even when I’m pissed at you.” He nodded. “What-” she bit her lip, not wanting to ask. Not sure if she wanted the answer. She remembered Daryl's words from days before. “What do you mean when you talk about what you have to live with?”

He sighed. “It’s nothin, Nat. Just go back to the camp,” he told her. He didn’t wait for her to leave before he retreated to the woods. She thought for a moment about following him but decided against it, knowing it might only push him further away.

She stopped on her way back to camp as she saw Lori near the cars. She tilted her head, wondering what she could possibly be doing or where she could be going. She jogged toward her, earning a guilty look when she approached. “Where are you goin?” She asked.

“Rick and Glenn went to town to find Hershel. Beth’s sick and only gettin worse. She needs him. So I’m goin to find them.”

“Like hell you are. Do you even have a gun on you?” She frowned.

“Of course. I’m not stupid,” she muttered.

“Coulda fooled me,” she rolled her eyes. “So you’re sneakin out there, where no one would know where you’ve gone or how long? What if somethin happened to you?”

Lori got in the car, starting it. “I’m going. So either get in the car or get out of the way,” she told her. They glared at each other for a moment before Natalie cursed under her breath, getting into the passenger’s seat. She could try to drag her out, but she risked hurting her in the struggle. And honestly, after everything, she didn't want to fight with anyone else. At least if she went with her, she could keep her safe. “Put on your seat belt,” Lori insisted as they pulled off.

Notes:

Thank you again for the love! 🥰

Chapter 13

“Lori, pull over. Come on. You know I’m terrible with maps,” she blew out a breath, slamming the paper down in her lap. “Seriously.” She felt the car come to a stop, Lori turning to her. “We need to go back.”

“If this is why you came, you’re out of luck,” she grabbed the gearshift to put it back in drive.

“Wait!” Lori dropped her hand, giving her an impatient look. “I get it. You’re worried about Rick and Maggie is worried about Glenn and you’re all worried about Beth. I know you wanna make things better after today. But puttin yourself in danger isn’t the way to do it. You have a baby to think about now,” she said softly.

“I don’t need you judging me on this,” Lori gave her a hard look. “I know how bad it is. Not knowing who’s baby this is. Choosing to have a baby during all this,” tears slid down her cheeks.

“Lor, I’m not judgin,” she grabbed Lori’s hand between both of hers. “I mean, sure, it’s not ideal timing. But it’s a fuckin miracle that something great can come from all this,” she smiled at her. “Look, I’ll do what you want because I’m not lettin you go to town alone. But I’d really feel better if we turned around and you let me take Shane.”

“Your brother isn’t goin out lookin for Rick,” she shook her head. “Probably hoping he doesn’t come back.” She felt like she’d been slapped. She knew things were tense, and that they may never get back to where they were. But hearing aloud that Lori, who had loved and been friends with her brother for a decade and a half, would think it made her hurt. “Natalie, I’m sorry. I didn’t say that to hurt you,” she sighed, leaning her head back on the headrest. “Dale said something to me today and it’s just got me rattled.”

Natalie frowned. “Care to share with the class?”

She looked over at her, staring for an uncomfortable few too many seconds. “He thinks Shane murdered Otis. And-” She stopped, tilting her head to the side. “I can’t say it sounds unreasonable. Shane’s been losing his grip since Rick came back. Doin things I wouldn’t have thought him capable of. First the whole thing at the CDC and right after, Otis doesn’t come back and-”

“What thing at the CDC?” She felt sick. Lori thought Shane was capable of murdering someone? She knew he would do whatever it took to protect them, but killing someone was different. Surely she wasn’t serious. Except she looked serious. And Shane had been off since he returned from the high school. And talking about the things he’d had to live with. She forced those thoughts from her head. She couldn’t think those things. Not when she had a whole other problem named Lori.

“It’s nothing,” she shook her head. “I shouldn’t have said anything. We should just go.”

She tried to think about the CDC. She hadn’t seen Shane that night. And she was so hungover the next morning and then the whole thing with the lockdown happened. “Lori-”

“I don’t wanna talk about it, okay? It’s nothing. We had an argument and we moved past it,” she interrupted.

Natalie chewed at the side of her cheek, resisting the urge to press her further. “Okay. No Shane. What about Daryl? He’d go with me,” she offered. Figuring out what Lori meant wasn’t as important as getting her back to the farm. That the the entire purpose of her being there. She didn’t want to risk the woman carrying her niece or nephew.

“Daryl all but told me to screw myself,” she scoffed. “I know you think I can’t handle myself out there but Rick and Glenn are out there. Hershel went alone. They wouldn’t do that if they thought it was dangerous.”

“If it’s not dangerous, why’re you so hellbent on goin?” She raised a brow. “You’re worried somethin happened to em. Lor, I know you. This isn’t just about gettin Hershel for Beth. You think somethin is keepin them there. And if that’s true, it’s too dangerous for you. We’ll go back and I’ll talk to Daryl. If he won’t take me, I’ll go with T. Or Andrea. Any of them would be willin to go with me.”

“You make it sound like I’m a liability.”

“Well, you are,” she shrugged. “You’re pregnant, whether you wanna admit it or not. Which means if you do somethin dangerous, you’re endangerin my niece or nephew. And I can’t have that. I’m probably never gonna have another,” she smiled sadly at her. “Look, I know you want this baby to be Rick’s. And I know it’s not outside the realm of possibility that it is. But we both know it’s probably not,” she said softly. “And I know he or she isn’t gonna call me Auntie Nat, but it don’t change the fact that I’d do anything for this kid. So if you run headfirst into danger, I’m gonna be there too. Got me?”

“I hate the idea of you goin out there and gettin hurt with me bein the one who sent you,” she knit her brows together.

“Nothin is gonna happen. I’m quick. And a good shot. And I’ll have backup,” she assured her. “The sooner you take us back, the sooner I can get Daryl to take me out,” she raised her eyebrows. She was hoping Lori was seeing sense. That she had no business being out there. She had a kid and was going to have another. If anyone should avoid risks, it was her.

Lori nodded, but stopped before she put the car in drive. “I took abortion pills,” she practically whispered. She looked at Natalie with wide eyes. “I threw them up, but what if I hurt the baby?”

She bit at her lip. She didn’t have an answer. She wasn’t a doctor. “I’m sure it’s fine,” she said quietly. She couldn’t say she wouldn’t have done the same in her position. A baby was a liability. A scary unknown. It made the stakes higher at every turn. But she was also glad Lori threw up the pills. Because she wasn’t lying when she told her the baby was a miracle. She wanted to meet this kid more than she could remember wanting anything. “No matter what, we’ll get through it, okay? I promise.”

“Okay,” she replied, though she didn’t sound totally sure of her answer. It didn’t matter. They couldn’t change anything, and Lori was going to worry about her kid no matter what. Especially without the safety net of doctors and machines that could tell her the baby was safe and okay. Maybe they could find a clinic or a doctor’s office that would have supplies. She wondered if Rick would be able to convince Hershel to let them stay. He’d always been so good with people. Charming and kind and patient. And everyone always trusted him right away. And for good reason. He’d never given anyone reason to turn their back on him. Even if Shane seemed to feel he did.

Lori turned the car around, heading back toward the farm. The sun would set soon, and she hated the idea of going into town in the dark. She didn’t know the area, hadn’t scoped anything out. She didn’t know how many walkers there were or if there were people to be wary of. “Just let me out here. You go back and if Shane is there, he’ll be so focused on bein pissed at you that he won’t even miss me.” Lori looked conflicted. Like she had changed her mind about letting Natalie go. But she didn’t say it. Instead she stopped the car and let Natalie get out with a quiet thank you.

“Hey Daryl,” she called out as she jogged toward him. “I need a favor.”

“Yeah, well, I’m done doin favors for everyone,” He didn’t look up at her, instead carving at sticks she assumed were for his crossbow.

“I need to go to town. Check on Rick and Gl-”

“She send you up here to ask hopin for a different answer? Told her if she wants to go searchin for her husband, she should go herself. I’m done,” he grumbled.

“She’s not goin. I am,” she crossed her arms. “I’ll go alone if I have to. But I’m askin you because I trust you to keep me safe.”

“I’m tired of lookin for people. Go ask your brother,” he waved an arm dismissively.

She nodded, biting her lip to keep herself from saying something rude. She knew he wasn’t wrong to be upset after everything with Sophia. And they shouldn’t just assume he’d be willing to jump when they said jump. Especially after he had that altercation with Shane. “Thanks anyway,” she turned and walked back toward where the car had dropped her. No way she was gonna get a car without anyone seeing her. Maggie had said the pharmacy was only about a mile, so the bar in town couldn’t be much further. She could walk, and hope that they’d pass her coming back before she even got anywhere.

It was eerily quiet as she walked along the road she and Lori had just driven down. She found herself staring around the woods to her side, aware of every movement, every snap of a twig. She hadn’t been out on her own, not really. She’d always had someone around to have her back. Out here by herself with the sun almost set, she felt vulnerable. And alone with her thoughts, Lori’s words kept coming back to her. Dale, Daryl, and Lori all believed her brother killed Otis. And lied about how things happened. She thought about how different Shane had been since Rick got back. How she only ever got glimpses of the warm and carefree man her brother used to be anymore. But she shook her head. She wasn’t the same person anymore either. None of them were. That didn’t mean he had killed a man. She couldn’t believe that.

She’d walked probably 20 minutes before she heard the familiar rumbling of a motorcycle. She stopped, watching him slow down as he approached, finally coming to a stop next to her. “Thought you were done lookin for people.”

He shrugged. “Figured you’d end up lost out here alone. I’d end up out in the woods searchin again. Just savin myself the hassle. The hell are you doin out here by yourself? Thought you were gonna get your brother,” he frowned.

“That would have been a hard no. And he would have kept me under lock and key at the house. Agreein to come out here is the only way I got Lori to go back to the farm.”

His frown grew deeper. “So you’re more interested in keepin her alive than you?”

It was her turn to scowl. Who the hell was he to judge her for trying to protect her family? He’d have done the same if Merle was around. “I’m protectin her. It’s what you do for the people you love. You know what? It’s fine. You go back to the farm and don’t worry about me. I’m almost there anyway.”

“Shut up,” he rolled his eyes and shook his head. “Just get on the damn bike.”

She pursed her lips, debating on if she thought he’d really take her to town or not before finally climbing on behind him. She was pleased when he didn’t turn around, instead, taking her toward the town. He slowed down as they approached, and she could see the familiar truck. He stopped his bike down the street from the bar when they heard gunshots. She hopped off quickly and went running toward the door, not caring that Daryl was yelling behind her for her to stop. She ripped the door open, and was faced with Rick, who’s gun was aimed at her.

“Nat?” He frowned, lowering his gun. “Daryl?”

She hadn’t heard him enter behind her, but she could feel him. He put a hand on her back, pushing her forward. “We got company. Headlights.” He looked at the two dead men on the ground. “Guessin they ain’t gonna be too happy their friends are dead.”

“Everybody down,” Rick grabbed Natalie’s shoulder, pulling her down next to him. She really needed to tell these men to stop moving her like she didn’t understand words. “The hell are you doin here?” He whispered to her.

“Came to find you. Beth needs Hershel. And your stubborn ass wife was gonna come out here alone.”

“You shouldn’t have come out-”

“Can you two argue later?” Daryl hissed as voices came from outside. He grabbed at the gun on Natalie’s hip, pushing it into her hands. She looked at him, and she only needed to see the look in his eyes to know how serious he thought this situation was. That was enough to make her heart race. She nodded, not needing him to speak the words that told her to click the safety off and be prepared to use it.

She’d thought she’d understood the term silence is deafening. The moments after she found out her parents were gone. After she found out Rick was shot. While she waited to find out if Carl would survive. She’d thought the silence in those moments might crush her. But this was difference. Waiting as these men walked off, hearing only her own nervous breathing, feeling her body shaking despite her best efforts to stop it was horrifying. Finally, when it seemed like they’d walked away, Rick signaled them all together. “Why won’t they leave?” Glenn asked. She could hear the panic. He was as scared as she was.

“Would you?” Hershel asked, and she knew the answer was no. If these people were anything like their group, they wouldn’t leave anyone behind. Especially after hearing gunshots.

“Can’t stay here,” Daryl told them.

Rick nodded in agreement. “Let’s make a break for it. Out back. Run for the car.” They all nodded in agreement until gunshots sent them all running for cover again. Footsteps grew louder as they approached the front door of the bar, and the door started to open, stopped only by Glenn’s quick thinking as he slid in front of it, keeping it shut. He looked like he’d just realized he’d stepped on a mine and the second he moved, they’d all be done.

“Someone pushed it shut. There's someone in there,” One of the voices told the other. “Yo, is someone in there?” It asked, louder. “Yo, if someone's in there, we don't want no trouble. We're just looking for our friends.”

They all looked at each other, seemingly trying to find out if anyone had a way out of this. The men were speaking quietly outside. She couldn’t make out every word, but she definitely heard them arguing about how many of them could be inside. The first voice spoke again. “We don't want any trouble. We're just looking for our friends. If something happened, tell us. This place is crawling with corpses. If you can help us not get killed, I'd appreciate it.” Again, more arguing about if anyone was in there. And talks of rushing inside. And finally someone telling them to stay and guard the door. Did that mean they were bringing more? That they’d try to draw them out? All she had to do was look at Rick and Daryl to see that they were anticipating violence.

“They drew on us!” Rick called out after a moment. She frowned at him. How could he do that? What happened to sneaking out? Was he trying to be honorable? Did he just feel guilty for shooting these men?

“Dave and Tony in there? They alive?” The man called out.

“No.” Rick answered. Again, the men started arguing about what to do. One wanted to leave, but the other wouldn’t. Wasn’t going to just accept it and move on. She couldn’t say she blamed them. She’d probably feel the same. “Your friends drew on us! They gave us no choice! I'm sure we've all lost enough people, done things we wish we didn't have to, but it's like that now. You know that! So let's just chalk this up to what it was. Wrong place, wrong-” The sound of a shot and the glass breaking in the door interrupted Rick, and made her yelp. “Go!" Get out of here!” Rick yelled at them as he stood to shoot back. All of them scattered, running toward the back of the bar and finding something to cover as the shooting continued. “Hey! We all know this is not gonna end well! There's nothing in it for any of us! You guys just- Just back off, no one else gets hurt!”

She watched Daryl and Rick exchange a look, and he and Glenn made their way to toward a bar door. Rick’s eyes found hers and she could see the worry in them. She shouldn’t have come, because now he was worried about her. Just like he’d told her he would in Atlanta. A gunshot from the back room had her heart pumping. Just one. But her worry eased quickly as Rick called out for them and was answered quickly by Glenn. Daryl appeared in the doorway as Rick moved back toward them. “Back’s clear for now. But we gotta move.”

Rick nodded and turned to Hershel. “I’ll hold em here. You cover Glenn. See if you can make it to your car. Tell him to pull up back. We'll run for it, get the hell out of here.” He blew out a breath. “You missed all that gun training. Sure could’ve come in handy right now.”

“I can shoot. Just don’t like to,” Hershel answered.

Rick nodded before turning to Daryl. “Can you get her out of here safely?”

“You got it.”

“Wait-” she tried to protest, but both men ignored her as they seemed to have their conversation as if she weren’t there. “Now wait a damn minute. I’m not leavin the three of you. What the fuck am I supposed to tell your wife?” She looked to Rick. “Your daughters?” She turned to Hershel.

“I can’t argue about this. Just go. Please,” Rick insisted, and he looked serious enough that she thought better of fighting him.

The sounds of more shots coming from the front prompted Daryl to grab her arm and pull her toward the back. He stopped at the door, looking out the now broken window and looked out. She glanced over at Glenn, who still looked like he might explode with apprehension. But before she could say anything, Daryl was calling her out the door. She gave Glenn a look that she hoped he understood meant she still loved him and they’d fix things later before following Daryl out the door.

He went to the right, which took them away from the street and in the opposite direction of his bike. “Why’re we goin this way?” She asked quietly when he stopped, pushing his arm out to keep her behind him as he looked around the corner, holding his crossbow ready to fire.

“You wanna run into the gunfire?” He looked back at her as if she’d asked a dumb question. Maybe she had. It wasn’t like she made a habit of running from people. She’d just learned how to run from walkers. This was all new. “Come on,” he nodded toward the back of the building.

It was eerie, walking so slowly while every nerve in her body wanted to run. But she knew the same thing he knew. That there were dangers from the living and the dead, and running could get them both killed by either one. Each gunshot from the direction of the bar made her stomach sink lower. But she didn’t turn back. She followed Daryl around the buildings until they reached a clear alleyway, stopping at the street a few feet from his bike. “Stay here until I get it started,” he told her. She shook her head and the look he gave her made her think he was going to yell at her. But then his features softened. “You told me you trust me to keep you safe,” he said. She nodded slowly. “The hell do you think I’m doin?”

She couldn’t stop the small chuckle that came out. She supposed it was half amusement at his attempt to calm her, and half hysteria from the situation. She nodded, but before he could turn around, there was a man coming around the corner, pointing his gun at them. “Daryl!” She yelled out, and instinctively she raised her gun and shot. The man went down, and all she could do was stare, wide eyed at the body. She was frozen. She knew Daryl was talking to her, yelling maybe, but all she could hear was that gunshot over and over. She was barely aware of him grabbing her arm and pulling her to the bike. And as he sped off, all she could think was she’d killed someone. A living breathing person. It was different than killing the dead. And she wasn't sure how she'd ever be the same again.

Notes:

Thank you so so much for the love on the last chapter, and for making it to the end of this one! I know it took a little longer than my normal upload schedule but I've been super sick, and I couldn't get past the brain fog. I hope you enjoyed! 😊

Chapter 14

Shane was stomping toward them before the bike even stopped in front of the house. He was angry, she knew. She guessed Lori had told him that she’d sent her to town. But she couldn’t handle his emotions right now, not when she was swirling in her own. “What the fuck were you thinkin?” He put his hands on his hips. When she walked past him without even looking his way, he reached one arm out to grab her. “Natalie!”

“Just-” she ripped her arm from his grasp. “Not right now!” She pleaded. She turned back to Daryl. “We have to go back. W-we have to bring them back.” She was desperate, pacing. The reality had hit her like a train, that she’d killed someone and left the others behind.

“Natalie?” Lori frowned as she approached. “What happened, sweetie? Where’s Rick?”

“Please,” she stared at him, ignoring the others. “We need to go back. I thought they’d be right behind us but if they got held up-” She sucked in a ragged breath, trying to keep the tears away. But it was no use. “What I- it can’t be for nothin,” she whispered, bringing her fingers up to her lips.

“We can’t,” Daryl shook his head.

She could hear the others around them, trying to figure out what happened. Lori, who she knew was probably thinking the worst. Shane, who was angry and probably getting angrier at his dismissal from both of them. She couldn’t focus on them. She could only stare at Daryl and see the look in his eyes that told her he wasn’t taking her back no matter how many times she asked.

“Is that them?” Andrea pointed to the road where headlights were making their way toward them.

The standoff between her and Daryl ended as they both turned toward the road where the truck was getting closer by the second. “Thank fuck,” he muttered, starting to walk off.

“Now you wait a damn minute,” Shane grabbed his shoulder. Daryl shook him off angrily, yelling at him to keep his hands off him. “What the hell happened to my sister out there? We’re damn well gonna talk about why she was out there with you.”

His eyes found hers again briefly before he turned to glare at Shane. “Talk to her. She ain’t my problem. Ain’t none of y’all my problem! Maybe if you’d paid more attention to your sister than your best friend’s wife, I wouldn’t have to try to keep her from gettin herself killed! I’m done lookin after people!”

She watched him stalk off angrily toward his tent. She didn’t have it in her to be upset or angry by his words. She watched, hands shaking as she waited to see that all three of them had returned. When the truck came to a stop, and all three of them got out, she thought she might collapse with relief. She rubbed her hands over her face. “Oh thank god,” she whispered as she watched Lori and Carl embrace Rick.

Rick looked to her, breathing out a sigh of relief as he approached and wrapped his arms around her. She felt his hand stroke her hair gently as she hugged him. “You all right?” He asked when he pulled away. He stared into her eyes, waiting for an answer she couldn’t stand to give.

“No, she’s not,” Shane snarled. “Only takes one look at her to see that. You wanna tell me what the hell happened to her out there?”

“Please don’t-” She started, weakly. She was so sick of it. The fighting. The distrust. The accusations. After what had happened, she couldn’t take it any more.

“Guys?” T-Dog interrupted. “Who’s that?” He pointed toward the truck where a man was passed out in the back. Hershel and Patricia had returned from the house carrying medical supplies.

“That’s Randall,” Glenn answered as if it should mean something to them.

Everyone turned to Rick, and Shane seemed to temporarily forget that she’d run off since his anger had turned to his best friend. But as Rick joined Glenn and Hershel in getting Randall to the shed, and the others walked away from them, probably sensing Shane’s potential for a blow up, her brother’s attention turned back to her. “We’re gonna talk,” He told her. She nodded, figuring she couldn’t avoid his anger forever and she’d rather get it over with. She leaned against the hood of the car, folding her arms around herself. “What the hell were you thinkin? Runnin off alone.”

“I wasn’t alone,” she answered quietly, staring at the ground.

“Fine,” he dismissed, his frown deepening. “Do you know how to use your own brain anymore? Or is your head so far up Rick's ass your both runnin off his now? First you take Lori out there-”

Her head snapped up. “I didn’t take Lori out there. I went to try to convince her to come back. And I figured if all else failed, I’d be there with her. She was gonna go whether I went or not,” she snarled even as the tears formed in her eyes. “Maybe if you weren’t so hellbent on being against Rick, she’d have asked you and I’d be just fine!” she stood, pushing him out of the way and stomping in the opposite direction.

She’d walked around the fields until it was light out and Andrea told her the group was gathering in the house. Apparently Rick had come back from the shed where Hershel had been working for hours. She nodded and followed Andrea back toward the farm house, standing against the wall in the back as the others gathered, waiting for Rick. Shane caught her eye as he stood between her and Andrea, but she could only glare at him. She was angry. At him for treating her like she’d done this just to irritate him. At Rick and Hershel and Glenn for going out to town in the first place. At herself for pulling that trigger and making herself feel this way. And at Daryl for being someone she cared enough about to pull that trigger for. None of it was totally rational. But she couldn’t stop it.

She listened as Rick recounted the entire story in excruciating detail. Her heart hammered against her chest and she closed her eyes, trying to think about anything else. She didn’t want to do this. Didn’t want to relive the moment. But he didn’t know what had happened to her. That part of the story was left out. Hershel walked in, looking only at Rick, followed by Daryl, who caught her eyes quickly before she looked away.

Shane scoffed at Rick’s suggestion that when Randal’s leg was healed, they’d blindfold him and take him out. “Just gonna let him go?” She could hear the judgement. The loathing in his voice at this plan. “He knows where we are.”

Rick shook his head. “He was blindfolded the whole way here. He's not a threat.”

Shane blinked. “Not a threat. How many of them were there? You killed three of three of their men, you took one of them hostage, but they just ain't gonna come looking?”

“Four,” she spoke up, her voice hoarse, and all eyes went to her. She could see the moment it registered in Rick’s brain. The slight tilt of his head. The pity in those blue eyes. “Four of their men died,” she finished, pushing herself from the wall and out the door, not stopping until she was at the tents. She sat down on a chair, resting her head in her hands.

She could hear Shane’s boots stomping toward her. When she looked up, he was alone, and looked just as angry as he had when she’d gotten back. She tried to get up, but he grabbed her arm again, forcing her to look at him. “What the hell did you mean in there?” He frowned.

“What do you think it means?” She glared up at him. She closed her eyes, breathing in and then out. Calming herself wasn’t easy. It never had been. “One of em cornered me and Daryl when he was tryin to get me out and I shot him,” she could feel her throat tighten as her brother blurred from the tears in her eyes.

“Damnit,” he muttered, his grip loosening as he pulled her against him. But where she’d once found comfort, she was questioning everything. The thoughts hadn’t left her mind since she’d pulled that trigger. Had he really killed Otis? If he had, how did he come back and seem so like himself? Was he a monster? Was she? “Look, I know it’s hard,” he pulled away, his hands resting on her shoulders. “But it’s just the way of the world now,” he reached up, stroking her hair. “You can’t let it eat you up.”

She sniffed, looking up at him as if she didn’t recognize him. “That what you told yourself about Otis?” She asked before she even realized it was slipping out.

“For fuck’s sake, you and Lori,” he groaned, rubbing his hand over his head. “Don’t you worry about what happened that night. Carl lived because of what happened,” he looked around to make sure no one else. “That’s what I tell myself about that night.” He shook his head, and she could see the anger and the disappointment in his face. “And I don’t give a damn about who it would have been. You, Lori, and Carl are the only three people I give a damn about. Any one of them could go if it kept you three safe,” he pointed toward the house.

She felt the air leave her lungs as if she’d hit the ground. “Those people have been good to us. More than one of em have saved me. Have cared for me,” her brows knit together as she studied his face. “None of them mean anything to you?” She didn’t recognize the look in his eyes. “I don’t even know who you are anymore.”

“What the fuck do you want, Natalie?” He yelled, his arms flinging out around him. “You want me to worry more about the lives of people who tried to kill you than your life?”

“I want my brother back!” She screeched, and took a step back, shocked by her own outburst. However she’d managed to hold back the flood of tears before, she could no longer control them. She sucked in a breath. “You were kind once,” she whispered, wiping at her cheeks. “You were kind and funny and so loving. And I don’t know what happened to that man. But whoever you’ve become, I don’t like very much,” she pushed past him back toward the house. She was fairly certain he wouldn’t follow her. He’d seemed pissed, and she guessed it wasn’t just her.

She passed the others as they made their way back toward the tents, and she wasn’t sure if she was imagining the looks on their faces, but she didn’t want their pity or sadness. She didn’t need them to remind her that she’d done something irreparable to herself. Rick stopped, seemingly waiting for her. “We should talk,” he told her. When Natalie shook her head, he sighed. “Please.” She stared at him for a beat before nodding and following him to the porch. She leaned against it, silently wiping her cheeks, waiting. “The first time I shot a kid, Shane and I were only a year in on the force. Hell, we were still kids ourselves. But it-” he sighed, leaning his hands on the railing and looking over at her. “It ate me up. I couldn’t sleep. Didn’t want to eat. God knows how Lori put up with it instead of leavin me.”

She shook her head. “I don’t remember that.”

“You were off in New York that summer with one of your friends. Shane never wanted to tell you. Didn’t want you to worry. Or maybe he didn’t want you to blame him the way I had. I didn’t mean to. But I did it to keep him alive. And takin a life, it’s not some trivial thing. Even if it’s someone who means you harm,” he raised his eyebrows at her, waiting for her to acknowledge him. “Nat, you’ve got a good heart. I know you’d never hurt someone out of malice. And you wouldn’t do it unless you had to-”

“I didn’t think about it though,” she cut him off. “He showed up and I just did it.”

“But why?” He inquired.

She shrugged. “He would have shot Daryl. Or me. Possibly both of us,” she stared at a chip in the wood below her.

“Could you have done anything else in that moment?” She shrugged again. She hadn’t given him time to make the decision to put his gun up. She’d seen the gun pointed at them and she’d acted on her instincts rather than her mind. “I can tell you the answer if you’re really unsure,” he turned and leaned his back against the railing. “I know this is gonna be somethin you don’t just get over in a day. You’ll probably lose some sleep. I don’t expect that it’ll stop weighin on your heart for a long while. Just don’t let it take over, okay?”

She nodded, however grudgingly. Because it wasn’t just the fact that she’d done it without thinking. It was the aftermath. Wondering if he had a wife. A kid. A sister or brother who’d be crying when they realized he wasn’t coming home. It wasn’t just the man himself. She couldn’t stop wondering how many lives she’d shattered. But she didn’t want to talk in circles. So she let him hug her, and she took what comfort she could from him, even if she wasn’t sure she deserved it.

Notes:

Thank you, thank you, thank you for reading! 😊

We're getting so close to the end of season 2, and then things are gonna get a little more canon-divergent.

Chapter 15

She felt like she hadn’t slept in the week that had passed. She certainly hadn’t slept much, tossing and turning every night. Hearing that shot over and over in her head. She understood not having a choice. But it didn’t stop the thoughts from creeping in her brain that she’d taken more than one life with that bullet. Instead, she’d tried to go about her normal chores. Anything that kept her busy and away from the others. She’d handed Dale her pistol to store, not wanting to touch it again. Of course she knew that was unrealistic. There would be walkers. Maybe even people. But while the farm was relatively safe, she was fine with not carrying. Except there was always the looming threat of whether or not this kid’s group was going to come find them.

She’d been itching to talk to the kid. Randall, was the name he’d given them. She wanted to know about the man she’d shot. If she’d killed someone who had people waiting for him. She’d gone down to the shed once, trying to get in but Andrea refused, insisting she’d tell Shane if she saw her around again. She wasn’t even sure he’d care. Since their conversation the morning after town, he hadn’t talked to her. She’d barely talked to anyone, truth be told. And most of them seemed too busy to care. Or maybe they didn’t trust her anymore, with the way Shane had been acting. Either way, she’d lost her chance when Shane and Rick had taken him, intending to set him loose. At least, she thought she had, until the car came pulling back up, and Rick and Shane pulled Randall out of the trunk and to the barn.

“What the hell happened?” Andrea asked as they locked up the the barn. Most of the group was standing around again, deja vu from when they’d found out about the walkers. Natalie frowned as she looked between Rick and Shane, both with blood on their faces. What had happened out there?

Shane was pacing, hands on his hips. “Rick’s gonna think through what to do with him overnight.” He didn’t sound pleased but he wasn’t nearly as explosive as she’d have expected.

“He knows Maggie. Went to school with her,” Rick elaborated, looking at them. “We gotta figure something out. I thought it deserved a little bit of thought before I decided to kill a kid. And we gotta find out how much he knows before we make that decision.”

“I can make him talk,” Daryl told them. He and Rick shared a look before Rick nodded, telling him they’d talk to him in the morning. The sun was setting and he wanted the night to think. But Natalie knew she wouldn’t sleep. Because she knew what Daryl had meant. What that look between him and Rick was. And she was not the type of person who believed in torturing someone who hadn’t harmed them. Or even threatened them.

Daryl caught her eye again before turning and starting his trek back toward his tent. It was a bad habit he’d developed over the last week. She’d catch him looking at her, and then he’d walk away before she could talk to him. She was tired of him walking away from her. They’d gone through something and suddenly he was just acting like he didn’t want to know her. She stomped toward him, finally slowing her pace when she was next to him. “What’s your problem?”

“The hell are you on about?” He scowled at her. He stopped, folding his arms across his chest.

“You’ve been ignorin me. How did we go from you followin me to keep me safe to this?” She motioned between them with her hand. “I thought we were friends.”

“You keep talkin about us bein friends. That’s on you. I don’t need any friends. You want someone to braid hair and have sleepovers with, go bother one of the girls. Told you I’m done lookin after you all.”

“Oh my lord,” she groaned, looking up at the darkening sky above them. “I get that you’re shitty with feelings, but you’re makin it real hard to want to keep tryin.”

“Why do you even give a shit? I thought you hated me after what happened in town,” he started. “You been all fucked up over it.”

“I killed a man, Daryl,” she frowned. “Of course I have been. Just because the world is different doesn’t mean I can just change who I am. I get it, you all think I’m soft and weak but it’s not that simple,” she took a breath. “Why would you think I hate you? If anything, I think proved that you’re pretty damn important to me.”

He tsked, turning away from her. “Just forget it.”

“Oh come on now,” she groaned. She reached up and pulled at the strap of his bow angrily, but it had the intended effect of him stopping again. “Why on Earth would I hate you for what happened? You kept me safe.”

“Not enough apparently,” he muttered.

“That why you’ve been ignorin me?” She asked, finally starting to understand what was going through his head. Or at least she thought she understood. “I don’t blame you for it.”

“You should,” he hadn’t met her eyes since he’d turned back around.

She shook her head. “What I did, I’d do again,” she told him, surprising even herself with the sureness of her answer. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, trying to stop the shaking that she could feel in her hands as she thought about it again. “I feel awful for taking someone’s life. But if it was between you and them, there’s not a question to me. I don’t want to imagine a world without you or Rick or Shane. Or any of this group.”

“We ain’t all gonna survive this. Gonna have to learn to deal with losin people,” he said quietly, apparently casting aside the entire part about him being important to her. “Whole group’s fucked up. Be shocked if half of us stuck together by winter.”

She did the only thing she could think of, and wrapped her arms around his waist. She didn’t want him to pull away. She might not know everything about him, but she’d learned pretty quickly since Sophia getting lost that he seemed shoulder things that shouldn’t be his alone. That he blamed himself for not finding the girl. For her shooting that man. She expected him to push her away, and honestly, to be mad at her and lash out. But he didn’t. When she stepped away, he knit his brows. “The hell was that for?”

She let out a breathy laugh, smiling for what felt like the first time in days. “You sure know how to ruin a moment, Dixon.” She shook her head. “Just know that wherever you’re goin, so am I. So don’t get any ideas of leavin us. We’re not breakin up the group. We’ll all be fine and together, come winter.” He looked like he wanted to say something, but instead he just nodded. “You really gonna torture that kid?” She asked quietly.

“Up to him on what happens,” he shrugged. “Goodnight,” he turned and left her, knowing she wouldn’t follow him this time.

When she finally went to sleep, she slept fitfully. And it wasn’t just dreaming of shooting that man as she had. She had nightmares of the men torturing that boy. Of his group torturing them. Of the walkers getting her family. And all of it made her sick. When she woke up, Lori was making tea over the fire. She stood next to Rick, noticing that Daryl was absent. Everyone was on edge. So Daryl had already gone down there. “Rick, what the hell is goin on?”

“Something has to be done. We need to know what he knows,” he said. But he didn’t sound like himself. “I need to know if it’s safe to let this kid go.”

“But torture? This isn’t you,” she said.

“No. It’s not. But I have to think about you and Lori and Carl. About everyone in this group. And Hershel’s family. So I’m alright with doing what needs to be done,” he told her.

“And yet you’re not the one in there doin it,” she told him, raising a brow.

Andrea spoke up, interrupting their conversation. “What’re you gonna do? Everyone would feel better knowing the plan,” she told him.

“Is there a plan? We gonna keep him here?” Glenn asked. She knew he was worried still about Maggie and her family.

“We'll know soon enough,” Rick said as Daryl walked up the hill toward them.

“Boy there's got a gang, 30 men. They have heavy artillery and they ain't looking to make friends. They roll through here, our boys are dead. And our women, they're gonna-” He glanced at Natalie for just a moment before turning back to Rick. “They're gonna wish they were.” He adjusted the strap of his crossbow, and Natalie could see his knuckles, broken and bloody.

“What did you do?” Carol asked.

“Had a little chat,” he answered.

Rick looked at the group. “No one goes near this guy.”

“Rick, what are you gonna do?” Dale asked.

“We have no choice. He's a threat. We have to eliminate the threat.”

“You're just gonna kill him?” Natalie asked, a look of horror on her face. She looked around at the group. Dale looked as horrified as she did. But he seemed to be the only one. The rest of them looked like they were just scared of what might happen if this kid got back to his group and brought them to the farm. Which she knew was reasonable. But they’d been strangers on the Greene farm once too. What if Hershel hadn’t taken them in? What if he’d decided they were threats?

“It's settled. I'll do it today,” Rick said as he walked off. And she knew he didn’t want to talk about it. She started to follow him, but Dale beat her to it. And she decided maybe someone older and wiser than her was a better person to talk to him anyway. Because he would always see her as his little sister. She changed course, grabbing the first aid kit from the RV.

“Hey Dixon,” Natalie called out as she followed him up to his new camp site. He looked up from where he was sitting, pouring water from his canteen on his bloodied knuckles. She held up the first aid kit in her hand.

“Don’t need ya to patch me up,” he told her.

“Yeah, I know,” She raised an eyebrow, sitting next to him on the grass. “Doesn’t matter,” she shrugged and started digging into the bag, pulling out iodine and a large cotton swab. “Not gonna let you just be all alone.”

“Ever stop to think I like it that way?” He scoffed. “Besides, you’re one to talk. Don’t see many people talkin to you these days either,” he frowned.

She sighed and nodded. “Hazard of bein Shane Walsh’s little sister.” She knew that wasnt entirely true. She'd pulled away. Not just because of the incident, but also because she was just so tired of the constant tension with Shane and the group. She loved her brother, but he was not making things easy.

“Seems like it’s more your own doin,” he told her. “People get together and you walk away. Surprised you’re still campin out there with em,” He added.

She smiled, pouring the iodine over the swab. “Daryl Dixon, are you invitin me to stay in your tent?” He stammered out a few syllables, avoiding her eyes as she reached forward and grabbed his hand so she could look at the wounds. “Relax. I’m just messin with you,” she rolled her eyes, still smiling. He pulled his hand away and she scowled. “Just give me your damn hand so I can fix you up and we can both go back to bein loners,” she told him, holding her palm out.

His eyes lifted up to meet hers and to her surprise, he put his hand on her palm. “Why you up here patchin me up? Thought you were pissed.”

She knit her brows. She hated the idea of torturing a kid who probably just ended up with the wrong group in the beginning. But what he’d said couldn’t be ignored. “I still think it was the wrong decision,” she told him. She reached into the bag again, grabbing gauze and wrapping it around his knuckles. She let her fingers linger on the rough skin of his palm as she tucked in the piece that stuck out.

“Someone had to do it,” he told her, pulling his hand back and standing, putting space between them. “Wasn’t gonna be Rick.”

“So you did it for him?” She asked, her face softening.

“I did it because it needed done. Because Rick couldn't. And Shane woulda killed him and called it an accident. So who’d that leave?”

“He’s just a boy,” she told him.

“Yeah and now we know who hes rollin with. So you can be pissed all you want, but you really wanna let this kid go knowin what he’s gonna bring back here? You wanna know what he told me about what they did?” He bit back. “Wanna know what’s comin to you if he gets back to them?” He looked angry at the thought.

“No,” she said softly. She didn’t need to know the details. She had a good enough idea of what he’d heard. “You really think Shane woulda killed him?” She asked. It was the first time she’d broached the topic since her blow up with Shane. She was scared to talk to Lori about it, with how angry she seemed at her brother. Rick would dismiss it. She was pretty certain Dale would tell her to take her brother away from the group. She’d have talked to Glenn if he hadn’t been dealing with so much himself. Between his fears about Maggie and then Beth’s medical issues, he’d had enough on his plate. She had just been glad to patch things up with him. She didn’t want to pile more on.

“You think he wouldn’t?” He challenged.

She tucked her bottom lip between her teeth. “If you’d have asked me a few weeks ago, I’d have said he would never,” she sighed. “But a week ago, I didn’t think I’d kill someone either.”

“You said-”

“I know what I said,” she insisted. “And I meant it. I just mean, well, maybe he didn’t have a choice with Otis. He was tryin to save Carl.”

“Believe what you want. It’s your brother,” he shrugged. His face softened as he looked at her. “Don’t matter why it happened. Won’t change nothin. Believe what you gotta believe to sleep at night. We all do shit we ain’t proud of now.”

She nodded, not necessary feeling better, but at least not feeling worse. But he wasnt wrong. She wasnt sure any of their hands were clean anymore. And for those that were, she was certain they wouldnt stay that way. “I’ll let you get back to whatever you were doin before I came up here," she told him, heading back toward the camp.

Notes:

That you all for reading and for the love! 🥰

Chapter 16

They’d decided to hold a meeting at sunset. Seemed appropriate, not making such a choice in the light of day. She knew Dale hadn’t managed to convince the others that Randall was worth saving. When he’d talked to her, he’d seemed surprised to hear that she didn’t agree with her brother at all. She didn’t think he should die. But she couldn’t think of a better solution either, and she did agree that letting him go was a risk. What they needed was time. And maybe to talk to him.

She stood silently against the wall, her arms crossed. Nothing about this felt right. Debating the life of a man who she wasn’t even sure had shot at them. Maybe he had. Or maybe he’d been a lookout. Maybe he’d hated being with his group and the men who did the awful things he’d told Daryl about. But maybe he hadn’t. And that little nagging feeling in her head was what kept bugging her. She hadn’t come to debate the kid’s life. She knew the decision wasn’t up to her. In the end, it was always going to be Rick and Shane making that decision. But she kept hoping for a better option. Anything to convince the group that murder wasn’t the rational decision here.

“We could put an escort on him,” Maggie suggested.

Shane scoffed. “Who wants to volunteer for that duty?”

“I will,” Dale told him.

“So will I,” Natalie spoke up. She felt the men’s eyes on her. Disapproving eyes. Shane, Rick, and Daryl all had the same look. “What’s he gonna do if he’s unarmed?”

“Come on, Nat. You’ve spent the last week lamenting a guy who tried to kill you and Daryl,” Shane scoffed, shaking his head. “You think you can shoot one you’ll inevitably get to know?” She narrowed her eyes at him. She knew he was mad at her, but he was digging at an open wound with his comment. And he knew it. He’d always known just which buttons to push to stop her, and to hurt her. It was why she hated when they’d fight. Both of them had a tendency to go for the low blows with each other.

Rick held his hand up to quiet Shane, and probably to keep her from arguing. “I don't think any of us should be walking around with this guy,” he said, looking between her and Dale. “Especially you,” his eyes trained on her. She frowned at him and he tilted his head, silently pleading with her to listen to him. “Not because I think you’re incapable. Because you’re my sister and I don’t want to risk anything happening to you,” he said quietly. She looked away for a moment before looking at him again, nodding. She knew he wasn’t lying to her. He’d always worried about her safety and well being. It hadn’t stopped when she became an adult or when the world ended.

“He's right. I wouldn't feel safe unless he was tied up,” Lori told them before she could argue with Rick.

“We can't exactly put chains around his ankles, sentence him to hard labor,” Andrea said.

“Look, say we let him join us, right? Maybe he's helpful, maybe he's nice. We let our guard down and maybe he runs off, brings back his 30 men,” Shane stared at her. He knew he wouldn’t convince Dale. But he seemed to be hoping he could make her see his point. “That somethin you want? You want that for the other girls?” She felt herself shiver at the thought.

“So the answer is to kill him to prevent a crime that he may never even attempt? If we do this, we're saying there's no hope. Rule of law is dead. There is no civilization. Oh, my God,” Dale said desperately. He had tears in her eyes, and she felt guilty. Because she knew where this was going. This wasn’t a true debate. This was justification.

“Could you drive him further out? Leave him like you planned?” Hershel asked.

“You barely came back this time. There are walkers. You could break down. Y-you could get lost, Lori said, clutching at her chest and neck lightly. As the thoughts of what could happen to him made her nervous.

“Or get ambushed,” Daryl added, looking solemnly at her when she turned to face him. She wasn’t sure where he stood. He seemed to be taking the pragmatic route. But she wanted to know how he felt. What he really thought the right answer was. She knew he would do what was necessary. But having talked to Randall, did he really feel like it was the right answer?

“They're right. We should not put our own people at risk,” Glenn announced. She watched his eyes flick to Maggie and Hershel and then to her. She knew what he wanted to keep safe. She knew he loved Maggie. And she was certain that no matter what happened, the Greene family was his family now. He would not risk them, even if it went against his gentler nature.

“If you go through with it, how would you do it? Would he suffer?” Patricia asked. She was clearly uncomfortable with this kid suffering anymore.

“We could hang him, right? Just snap his neck,” Shane suggested. As if he was suggesting turkey for lunch. Her brows knit together as she looked at him. His mind was so made up about this. She wondered what had happened to the goofy teenager she knew. The man who’d protected her throughout her entire life. The good man she knew. The one who’d helped people. Sure, sometimes Shane had been rough, but overall, he’d never relished hurting people. He’d helped people who needed him.

“I thought about that. Shooting may be more humane,” Rick sighed.

“And what about the body? Do we bury him?” T-Dog asked. So he was with the rest if them. She’d thought he might be on their side. He was a churchgoer before all of this. Risked himself to save others at the outbreak. Shed heard him talking about going around to all the senior citizens in his church van.

“Hold on, hold on! You're talking about this like it's already decided!” Dale exclaimed.

“You've been talkin all day, going around in circles. You just wanna go around in circles again?” Daryl asked.

“This is a young man's life, and it is worth more than a five-minute conversation! Is this what it's come to? We kill someone because we can't decide what else to do with him?” Dale asked. He turned to Rick. “You saved him and now look at us. He's been tortured. He's gonna be executed. How are we any better than those people that we're so afraid of?”

“We all know what needs to be done,” Shane told them.

“No, Dale is right. We can't leave any stone unturned here. We have a responsibility-” Rick interrupted.

“So what's the other solution?” Andrea asked and Natalie wanted to shush her. She’d seen Andrea growing closer to Shane and she was certain she'd go along with whatever he said at this point. And honestly, she was tired of her acting like she was too good to help with anything except holding a gun. Especially after she’d shot Daryl. She was also tired of Andrea convincing Shane that he was in the right. He had always needed someone to cool his head, not amp him up. It was why Rick and his friendship had always worked so well.

“Let Rick finish,” Lori snapped.

“We haven't come up with a single viable option yet. I wish we could.” Andrea said.

“So let's work on it!” Dale yelled out. Natalie could see he knew he was losing them if he had them at all. They were all determined.

“Stop it. Just stop it. I'm sick of everybody arguing and fighting. I didn't ask for this. You can't ask us to decide something like this. Please decide-Either of you, both of you-But leave me out,” Carol told them. And she understood where she was coming from. She’d lived in a minefield of a marriage and she could understand the hatred of fighting and arguing. But she wished she’d speak up with them. She couldn’t possibly agree with killing him.

“Not speaking out or killing him yourself- There's no difference,” Dale told her.

“All right, that's enough. Anybody who wants the floor before we make a final decision has the chance,” Rick looked around. She noticed Maggie and Patricia take a seat. Nobody wanted to speak up.

“Rick, you know this isn’t right,” Natalie spoke up behind him. He turned to her and she could see the pain in his face. The conflict marring his features. “What if it was me?” She looked from him to Shane. She turned to Hershel and the others. “You guys you took us in. You’ve provided a safe place for us. Given us free reign of your land despite the fact that we were armed and could have been dangerous. You took a chance.” She looked around. “How is this different?”

“Cause we know what this group is about. What he’s about,” Daryl told her and he sounded frustrated for the first time since the discussion started. “We know what’s in store for you if they come crashin through the gates. You’re so fuckin concerned about other people, you don’t give a damn about what’s gonna happen to you!” he snarled.

She glowered at him, and her cheeks heated at being scolded in front of the group. She tried to keep her tone even, forcing herself to breathe before speaking through gritted teeth. “I’m not sayin we let him run off or that we let him roam free. I’m just sayin maybe it’s worth some thought.”

“Hate to say I agree with Dixon here, but I am,” Shane shrugged. “Look, I know you’re emotional-”

“Fuck off,” she growled. She looked at Dale. “Don’t bother. Ain’t gonna change their minds. Decision’s been made since he said he knew Maggie,” she frowned and turned to head out the back door. Daryl’s hand reached for her arm as she passed, but the look she gave him caused him to pause, letting her pass. She gripped the railing, staring out at the darkening sky. She could hear them inside, Dale still trying to convince them. But she knew it was over. Really, it was over before it ever began.

Shane’s heavy boots thumped on the wood of the porch, and she bit at her cheek to keep herself from turning around just to cuss him out. He’d ignored her for a week. Because he was angry. Despite the fact that she could have used him. She needed to lean on him. And now he was accusing her of being emotional just because she couldn’t bring herself to be in favor of killing someone. “Natalie,” he groaned, leaning on the railing next to her. She knew he could see the heavy breaths she was taking to try to keep herself from crying. But she was just so angry.

She stepped away from him, crossing her arms over her chest. “What do you want?” She asked.

“I get it. You think you’re right and we’re wrong. You think we’re cold hearted killers. But you don’t see that this is about protectin you. Now Rick and I, we’ve disagreed on just about everything lately. But on this, we finally see eye to eye. He’s doin what he needs to do to protect his family. My family. And you’re makin that real difficult for him,” he told her.

“This isn’t who we are, Shane. We can’t kill a kid just because we think he could potentially pose a threat,” she said, her voice almost cracking. She knew this would change them. They wouldn’t be the same after killing a kid who’d done nothing wrong but end up with the wrong people at the end of the world.

“Things are different now,” he told her.

“Don’t make excuses for you bein this way,” she growled at him, mostly out of anger. “And you’ve convinced Rick to do something he wouldn’t want any part of. You’re changin him too.”

He shook his head, running a hand over his face. “You’re right Natalie. We’re all different. We’ve learned to adapt to this new world. Turned into monsters. But not you, huh? You’re still the same damn bleedin heart you’ve always been. Pickin up strays, lookin after the outcasts. Lookin for love in the wrong damn places,” he narrowed his eyes at her. “You know, I noticed you’re real pissed at me even though I didn’t touch the kid. Pissed at Rick even though he hasn’t actually done the deed. Meanwhile, your boyfriend in there practically beat him to death and you come strollin into the house with him.”

“Seriously? You’re on about that again? This has nothin to do with Daryl,” she told him. She wasn’t even sure where it came from. She and Daryl, they weren’t romantic. They were friends. She and Glenn were friends, but Shane didn’t seem to mind that. She wondered if he’d be saying the same things about him if he and Maggie hadn’t found each other. Or if it was just because he didn’t like Daryl. Maybe he’d preferred her spending her time with Glenn, who was a nice guy.

“This has everything to do with him. You used to trust me. But now, Rick’s back and I can’t do anything right. And you’re upset about killin a man, and who do you talk to? Fuckin Dixon!” He held out his arms, looking at her in disbelief. “You’d rather talk through your trauma with that redneck piece-“

“Shane, that’s enough!” she told him, her vision blurry. She blinked away the tears. “Maybe if you wanted me to confide in you, to trust you the way I used to, then be there for me! Be my fuckin brother! Act like you give a damn about me!”

“I do give a damn about you! That’s why I’m tryin to get you to see that you can’t be that same soft girl you’ve always been! Out there worryin about everyone else more than yourself! You gotta know when the hard decisions need to be made. The high road might be pretty, but it sure as hell won’t keep you alive.” He said, sounding desperate. “You and Rick, you’re both gonna die ugly if you can’t understand that.”

“Then that’s my choice!” She yelled at him, tears in her eyes. “I don’t wanna be some asshole who doesn’t think a life is worth savin! What’s the point of livin if all we do is survive?” She asked, her arms out before her. Like she could make him see her point. But she knew he didn’t. And he wouldn’t. He had changed with the world. And he was right that she hadn’t. But she also knew that was her being stubborn. She didn’t want to die. She knew she’d fight like hell to stay alive. That she’d do more things that would be equally as awful as shooting that man. Maybe worse. She knew survival would cost them. But she hadn’t been ready to pay that price. Not yet.

“Well you sure as shit gotta survive if you wanna live. I don’t wanna see you die, Nat. You’re my baby sister,” he said, his face turning from the pure fire it had been moment ago to one full of pain. “I’ve watched you conquer every fear you’ve ever had by facin it. But you can’t seem to face this.” He stepped closer to her, his hands on her shoulders. “I need you to understand that the world isn’t what you want it to be. You can’t let it break you the way it has been. Because I can’t live in a world you’re not in. Tell me you understand why we have to do this.”

She felt her heart break as she looked into her brother’s watery eyes. She’d lost her faith in him on this farm. All the sense of comfort and protection he’d always provided her was gone. She’d thought he was gone. No longer the brother she knew and loved. But standing on the porch as he begged her to understand his point of view, she knew he was still there. Even if his moral compass was a mess, she knew he still loved her. That he’d protect her even if it killed him. And that no matter how much they fought, she would do the same. She nodded slowly. Because she didn’t know where else to go with the situation. They’d never truly be safe with the threat of Randall hanging over them. As much as she didn’t like it, she also knew Rick would have found another way if he thought there was one. After all, he’d saved the boy from death in town. “I still don’t want any part of it,” she said quietly.

Shane reached up to stroke her hair, kissing her forehead before pulling her into a hug, and she wondered if they’d really be okay. Or if something else would tear them apart again. If every decision her brother came to, she’d question. She wondered what things would be if they’d never lost Sophia. If they’d never come across the farm. Would her brother follow Rick’s lead? Or is this how they’d have ended up either way? Her eyes caught Daryl standing in the doorway. “Rick’s ready,” he said solemnly, looking only at Shane. So that was it.

“Go on,” she told her brother softly, sniffing and wiping at her cheeks. The look on his face told her he’d been wondering the same things. If they would truly be okay. There was no use fighting about it anymore. Maybe if she made an effort instead of losing her temper with him, once this Randall thing was done, they could start fresh. She had to believe something good could come out of this mess.

Notes:

Thank you for reading! I appreciate the love 🥰

Chapter 17

“Sweetie, Rick is doin what he thinks is best,” Lori told her as she and the rest of the group approached the camp, all of them waiting for it to be over. “I know you’re upset, but there’s not a better option.”

“I know,” she admitted. “But I still feel like this is wrong, Lor. And I know you do too. Is this the kind of world you want Carl in? One where we get to play executioner just because someone is with the wrong people?”

“It’s the world we're in. I don’t want it for anyone,” she told her. “If there was another way, we’d do it. But without sending Rick and your brother back out there where they could end up dead, I don’t see one.”

Natalie nodded. Because she knew Lori was right on that. The group would never take Randall in. Would never accept him. The only options were to kill him or set him free. And to set him free, they’d have to go a long way. And she couldn’t stand the idea of Rick or Shane or Daryl going out there to do it. “It just feels like this is the point of no return, you know? The minute this is done, we’re different people. And I don’t wanna just be okay with that,” she told her, feeling those tears again.

“I know,” Lori told her, wrapping an arm around her soothingly. “It's not a decision we’re okay with. It’s just one that has to be made despite our feelings.” Natalie leaned her head on Lori's shoulder, taking comfort in the only sister she’d ever known.

Rick came walking up with Shane and Carl. Natalie narrowed her eyes, wondering why Carl was with them. Shane looked pissed. Rick looked stricken. “We're keeping him in custody, for now,” he told them. Natalie felt relief flood her bones, but then came the same sense of dread that this wasn’t over, and was going to cause more problems.

“I'm gonna find Dale,” Andrea said, a smile spreading across her face. And then she was off, leaving everyone behind.

“Carl, go inside,” Lori told him as she stood, releasing Natalie. “Now, please.” Carl looked sullen but went into the tent. Not that it would stop him from listening. There were no walls. You could hear everything in the tents.

Rick looked at Lori, pain on every inch of his face. “He followed us. He wanted to watch. I couldn't,” he told her.

“That's okay,” Lori told him, her hand on his cheek as he nearly broke. “That's okay.”

Natalie rubbed her arms with her hands as she watched them, feeling bad for being at odds with Rick. But when his eyes met hers, she knew there were no hard feelings. She knew he didn’t want to kill Randall any more than she did. But he needed to protect everyone. The weight of being a leader was on his shoulders, and she needed to try to remember that when she disagreed with the route they were taking. Because she knew it was a weight she’d never want.

They sat by the fire, silently. Even with keeping Randall alive, the mood was nothing but somber. The thought that Carl had encouraged his father to execute Randall made Natalie feel wrong. The idea that this kid who had been so young and carefree wasn’t at all disturbed by the execution of a man made her heart hurt. A scream in the distance made them all shoot up. “Get Carl,” Rick told Lori. “T-dog, Nat, get a gun now!” Rick yelled at them, taking off in the direction of the scream. She ran over to grab her pistol from the bag, running behind T-Dog. She could hear Andrea yelling for Dale. Her heart raced as they ran through the field, lit only by moonlight. They had no idea what they were running into, only that Dale was screaming. It was guttural and full of pain. As they got closer, she could hear Daryl yelling, and she knew it had to be bad.

She stopped in her tracks, as she saw what he was yelling about. Dale was laying on the ground, his body ripped open. “Oh god,” she gasped, her hands over her mouth. She thought she might collapse. Dale, who had gone off by himself because of what happened. Dale, who had been their moral compass the entire time. Who had watched over them like he was the group’s father or grandfather. “Oh god,” she whispered again as her vision became too blurry to see. She leaned over, covering her face with her hands as she cried. A hand was on her back, and when she looked up, her brother was there. He pulled her against him, trying to keep her from looking. But he couldn’t erase that image from her head if he tried.

“Hershel! We need Hershel!” Rick yelled out desperately and it only made her cry harder as she watched Andrea and Rick try to comfort the man. But she didn’t think there was any comfort. Death would be his only comfort. His wounds were too deep. He was in agony and she wanted them to stop it.

“What happened? What can we do?” Hershel asked as he and Patricia came running up.

“Can we move him?” Rick asked.

“He won't make the trip,” Hershel shook his head.

“You have to do the operation here,” Rick told him. He was desperate, she knew.

“Rick,” Hershel said and he shook his head, earning an outcry from Rick. He had been so sure if Hershel could get there, he could help. But this was beyond Hershel. It was beyond anyone.

“He's suffering. Do something!” Andrea told them, her cheeks were shining in the moonlight from the tears. She felt for her in that moment. Another person Andrea considered family would be gone by morning. Another of their group lost.

Rick stood staring down at the man. The noises he made were awful. They all knew this was what had to be done to save him. But Rick just stood there, staring. The barrel of his gun pointed down. But he couldn’t bring himself to do it. She wished her brother would do it. Stop him from having to be the one to pull the trigger. But he couldn’t seem to do anything but hold her up.

Daryl grabbed the gun from Rick gently. Rick stood back as Daryl knelt next to Dale, pointing the gun at him. She saw Dale use what strength he had to pull his head toward it. Permission. Asking for the help. “I'm sorry, brother,” Daryl said as he pulled the trigger. The shot made her squeal and turn away, her hands covering her mouth.

The men spent a good part of the night digging a grave for Dale. And burning the corpse of the walker that had taken him. They’d decided to host a funeral at dawn. To give everyone a few hours sleep. But Natalie didn’t sleep. She couldn’t stand to be in the tents. Hearing the crying coming from Andrea’s tent. She knew nobody was probably going to sleep after what they’d witnessed. Instead, she sat on the porch, her legs at her chest and her arms wrapped around them as she watched them dig. She’d refused to talk to Shane as he tried to sit next to her, holding her hand and rubbing her back. And to Rick when he’d tried. She just didn’t want to talk about it. She watched them carry Dale’s body to the grave, covering him. Everyone was in their tents or their beds except for Rick, Shane, Daryl, Glenn, and T-Dog. She could see the exhaustion in them as they walked back to the campsite. Both of her brothers looked at her before ducking into their own tents.

She hadn’t realized Daryl was walking toward her instead of his own tent until he was in front of the stairs. He sat next to her, close enough for her to be aware of his presence but not touching her. She laid her head down on her arms. What happened to Dale was their fault. He left because of the whole situation. And she just kept feeling like she should have gone with him. She should have fought harder for Randall. Somehow, she was convinced she could have stopped it.

“Some of us are goin out after the funeral to check the property. Make sure the fences are holdin. Figure out where they’re comin from. Wasn’t just one that got the cow,” he told her. She didn’t look up. She didn’t want him to see her crying again. But she couldn’t help the shaking of her body as the tears came. She felt his hand on her back, almost feather soft until he seemed to be more sure of his action, his palm rubbing up and down before he found her shoulder and squeezed. She wondered if he’d expected her to raise her head to talk to him. Or just to throw herself onto him and cry. Because after a long silence, he spoke up again “Want me to leave you alone?”

“No,” she said, muffled. She leaned her face to the side, just enough to look at him. “Stay,” she asked quietly.

“You should try to get some sleep,” he told her quietly. “It’s been a long night.”

“I can’t sleep,” she told him. Whenever she closed her eyes, she saw Dale lying there, helpless, in pain. She was tired of watching people she cared about get torn apart. Tired of the arguments about what to do with Randall. Just tired of all of it. She didn’t know how to live in this new world. Maybe she wasn’t built for it. Shane was right. And sooner or later, she would end up like Dale or the others who'd died at the camp.

“Okay,” he nodded. “Rick asked me to take Randall out with him tomorrow. We’re gonna cut him loose,” he told her. She looked up at him surprised. “It’s what Dale would have wanted,” he told her.

She pressed her lips together in a line, trying to keep her emotions in check. That was impossible though, as gratitude washed over her. Gratitude that he had come to camp. That he’d saved her. That he’d become her friend. And that he was so willing to do the things that needed done, even if no one else could do them. She threw her arms around him, burying her face against his neck. For the first time, she felt a hand on her back, returning her hug, however lightly. The gesture warmed her. She knew he wasn’t like her. Didn’t show his emotions through touch. He didn’t seem to want people to touch him at all. But here he was, doing the thing that was needed again. She pulled away, her face softening as she stared at him. “Thank you,” she said quietly. “For what you did for Rick tonight. And for bein here with me.”

He shrugged, and pulled his arm back. “Don’t gotta-“

“I know,” she interrupted. She knew he didn’t want gratitude. Or maybe it was that he didn’t know how to accept it. “I’m thankin you anyway,” she insisted. She leaned her arms on her knees again, staring out at the sky that was starting to lighten. She estimated about 2 hours until everyone would be up. “You don’t have to stay out here with me,” she told him.

“S’okay,” he replied quietly. “Ain’t gonna sleep anyway.” She spared a glance at him, but he seemed to be actively staring straight ahead. “Someone’s gotta keep an eye out anyway,” he added. She guessed that much was true. She also figured he could do that from anywhere else. But she wasn’t going to take for granted his company or the feeling of safety that came with it.

Notes:

Surprise second chapter tonight!

Chapter 18

After the funeral, Hershel had insisted they all stay in the house. So they packed everything up, setting up a perimeter with the cars. After, she’d helped Carol put together a bag with food and some supplies for Randall. It wasnt much. Not anything the group would miss. But enough to keep him alive for a week or so until he could find his own. All this trouble had to be worth it. No use in taking him out if they were gonna let him starve to death.

She and Carol walked out, expecting to find Daryl and Rick already loading Randall in the car. But it was empty when they arrived. Natalie looked down to the shed where everyone was gathering. She grabbed Carol’s hand and they started jogging down to meet them. “What’s goin on?”

“Randall’s missing.” Those two words made the entire group break out into questions, outrage, and she was pretty sure, fear, as they all wondered allow how it happened and if it was possible.

“Rick! Rick!” Shane came barreling out of the woods, earning a gasp from Natalie as she ran toward her brother. “He’s armed! He’s got my gun!” Shane’s face was covered in blood and he didn’t look completely steady on his feet.

“Oh my God, Shane,” she reached up but he pushed her hand away, insisting he was fine, but that Randall had snuck up on him.

Rick nodded. “Alright. Hershel, T-Dog, get everybody in the house. Glenn, Daryl, come with us.”

“Wait, Rick,” Natalie grabbed his arm. “No way I’m lettin you guys go out there and sittin in the house waitin around,” she frowned.

Shane gave her an impatient look. “Nat, do what you’re told without bitching for once,” he told her. “We can handle this.”

Her anger flared again. “You’re not exactly in the best way right now,” she planted her hands on her hips. “He already snuck up on you once.”

“Yeah, which means you got no business bein out there,” he retorted. “Go,” He ordered. She looked to Rick, who nodded silently. “I can’t have you out there,” Shane softened. She wanted to argue, but she flashed back to their conversation on the porch before nodding. “Please be careful,” she hugged them both before helping T-Dog and Hershel round up everyone to go back to the house.

"I hate just sitting. We should be out there," Andrea said to no one in particular. She understood how Andrea was feeling. She felt suffocated, sitting, waiting, and hoping that four of her favorite people would return unharmed.

"This is the best course of action. We can't have people running all around in the woods. Someone might get startled and hurt one of our own people," Hershel told them. Natalie knew he was right. Everyone was jumpy. She supposed it was the thought of Randall either coming back to the house or bringing his camp to them. But she was anxious about Rick and Glenn and Daryl being out there. She

She jumped when they heard the gunshot. She turned to Lori next to her, both of their eyes wide. Her blood ran cold through her veins as she thought about the many scenarios that could have caused that single gunshot. Lori reached over, grabbing her hands in her own, squeezing tight, and Natalie knew she was panicking. She understood. Randall had a gun. Had her brother’s gun. If he’d come upon them- she stopped herself. She didn’t want to think about it. She didn’t want to imagine it. Her heart felt like it was going to beat out of her chest. Her stomach turned, and she prayed she wouldn’t get sick right there in the living room. She took a few breaths to try to calm herself as she felt Lori’s hands shake on her own. She had to be strong for her, no matter what happened.

"I'm going after them," Andrea stood up.

“Don’t. They could be anywhere,” Lori shook her head.

“And they could need help,” Andrea argued, pulling out her gun and starting toward the door.

“No,” Natalie followed her lead, letting go of Lori’s hands and stopping in front of Andrea. Andrea scowled at her, trying to sidestep her, but she got in front of her again. “That’s my family out there. And I’m still in here. You go out there, you might get them killed. So sit your ass down until they get back or so help me I will shoot you,” she ordered practically through gritted teeth. Andrea looked at her uncertainly for a moment before giving a curt nod and putting her gun back in the waistband of her jeans.

When the door opened, Natalie turned raising her own gun. Relief flooded her as she saw Glenn walk in with Daryl. Maggie hopped up to hug Glenn and Natalie threw her arms around Daryl’s neck without thought. “Thank God,” she breathed as she felt one arm go around her waist in return. She pulled back, giving him an apprehensive look before untangling herself and taking a step back. She suddenly felt embarrassed. She wasn’t even sure why.

He only looked at her for a beat before turning and observing the rest of the room. "Rick and Shane ain't back?" He asked.

"No. We heard a shot," Andrea replied. “Maybe they found Randall.”

"We found him," Glenn told her. "He's a walker," He added when Hershel asked if they'd brought him back to the barn.

"Did you find the walker that bit him?" Natalie asked.

"No. Weird thing is, he wasn't bit. His neck was broke," Daryl answered.

"So he fought back," Andrea mused.

"The thing is, Shane and Randall's tracks were right on top of each other. And Shane ain't no tracker. They were together." He looked over at Natalie, and the look on his face told her all she needed to know about what Daryl thought had happened. But why the whole charade if he wanted to kill Randall instead of setting him free? Why not just come back and tell everyone why he’d killed him?

Lori stood up and pleaded with Daryl. "Would you please get back out there and find Rick and Shane and find out what on earth is going on?"

"You got it," she put a hand on his elbow as he turned from her, heading back to the door.

Natalie followed him. "Daryl-“ He stopped and looked at her. She wasn’t even sure what she wanted to tell him. Be careful? Be careful of what? What exactly did she think was going to happen to him?

“Don’t worry. I’ll find em,” he assured her. But when he turned around to look out at the farm he stopped. "Shit," he muttered.

Everyone was crowding behind them and they all saw it. A herd. Natalie thought back to Shane and Otis, but she stopped herself before the thought could pass in her brain. She couldn’t think her brother would hurt Rick. Hershel was the first to speak. "Patricia, kill the lights. I'll get the guns."

She stood next to Daryl, looking out at the walkers that were clearly coming for them as everyone debated what they were going to do. She knew only one thing. She wasn’t going to leave without her family. She needed to go find her brothers. She needed to find out why there was only one gunshot. Every time she thought about it, she wanted to throw up. If they’d come across the herd and were shooting at them, there’d have been more gun shots.

“You good?” Daryl asked, looking over at her.

“I need to find them,” she replied, her voice barely above a whisper. She didn’t want to make anyone panic the way she was. Except she wasn't panicking over the herd. She was panicking at the thought of finding out she had one less person she loved in this world.

“Can’t go runnin around the herd. They’ll come here,” he assured her. She nodded, but she didn’t feel any less sick. What if they didn’t? What if they’d died and she’d never know because there were so many of them?

"Carl's gone," Lori came running out panicked. "He's supposed to be upstairs. I'm not leaving without my boy."

Natalie's stomach dropped, and all thoughts of the men were gone as she approached Lori, rubbing her arms. “It’ll be okay. He’s gotta be around here,” she assured her. Lori nodded, but the wild, pained look in her eyes didn’t go anywhere. “Lor,” she said again, her voice more confident. “You take Patricia and Carol and go find him. We’ll figure out what to do out here. Okay?” She reached up, her hands landing on Lori’s cheeks. She nodded and without having to be told, Patricia, Carol, and Beth practically swept her from Natalie’s arms, disappearing inside.

Natalie picked up a rifle and ammo from the bag. "There's too many of them. We don't have the ammo for this."

"You can go if you want," Hershel told her. "We have guns. We have cars.”

“We kill as many as we can and drive the rest away from the farm," Andrea suggested.

"This is my farm. I'll die here," he grabbed his own shotgun.

"Alright," Daryl said. "As good a night as any," he hopped over the railing and moved to his motorcycle.

Natalie, Glenn, and Maggie made their way to one of the cars behind Andrea and T-Dog. She sat in the back behind Glenn. As Maggie drove along the fence line, both Natalie and Glenn aimed out the windows, firing at the walkers. She heard Andrea firing behind her from the truck. "Keep it steady!" Glenn told Maggie.

"I'm trying!" She yelled back and Natalie could hear the panic in her voice. As the reached the end of the line, Maggie whipped around and Natalie slid over to her side while Glenn hung out the window, shooting over the top of the car.

They made a few more laps before Maggie stopped. "Where are they going? Should I follow them?" She asked as Natalie saw the truck moving behind them.

"Yeah," Glenn told her. None of them were sure what was going on anymore. There was too much chaos. Natalie had lost sight of everyone else aside from the blue truck. "Swing it around here," he told her. She tried to move but the car was surrounded before she could finish turning around.

"Oh my god," Natalie muttered, looking around them. They couldn’t see the farm through all of the walkers. If Maggie didn’t move the car, she was sure they were going to die. She was going to die locked in a car without being able to help her family.

"I can't get through!" Maggie screamed.

"Head out," Glenn told her. "Get off the farm now!” He yelled when she blanched at the idea. She knew what was going through Maggie’s head, because it was what was going through hers. If they left, they were abandoning their family. Glenn wanted to protect the woman he loved, but he was telling her to abandon the people she loved most. And with it, Natalie was also abandoning her own loved ones.

"Get off the farm now!" He told her and the tone in his voice told Natalie he was sure they were on their own. He didn’t think the others would make it. She looked frantically out the back window as Maggie sped off, leaving the farm growing smaller in the rear view. When she couldn't see it anymore, she sat back in her seat, tears running down her face.

"Oh my God! Oh my god!" Maggie repeated.

"Alright, let's just circle back to the highway," Glenn sounded like the ghost of himself.

"Did you see my dad? Did he make it?" She looked back to Natalie. "Did you see?" Natalie shook her head, unable to think of anything except the fact that she'd lost her brothers and Lori and Carl. She wasn’t sure she was glad to have made it off the farm. She felt no relief at the prospect of surviving without the others.

"I couldn't see anything," Glenn told her.

"And Beth. I lost Beth. We have to go back."

"We can't go back there, okay? There's nothing to go back to," he told Maggie. This made Natalie lose it as she leaned down on to her knees, her head in her hands as she cried. When the car stopped, she raised her head up, trying to control her gasping, but Maggie was losing it too.

"Maggie, look at me. We got out. We're alive. I'm sure they are too, alright? I love you. Maggie, I love you," he took her face in his hands. "I should have said it a long time ago and it's been true for a long time. It's gonna be all right, okay?"

Maggie nodded. "Okay, yeah."

"Natalie?" He asked, but she could only stare at him. Because she wouldn’t be all right. Glenn an Maggie had each other. But she had no one. She’d lost everything. “Natalie,” he said more forcefully when she didn’t answer. “We’re gonna be fine. We’ll make it okay, no matter what. Because we’re alive. Okay?”

She nodded. "Okay," she sniffed.

"Okay, let's go," he opened the car door and switched spots with Maggie.

As they circled back toward the highway, Natalie heard the familiar rumble of a motorcycle behind them. She turned around, gripping the back of the seat as she stared back to look out. She let out a mix of a sob and a laugh when she saw Daryls motorcycle behind them. And Carol was with him. "It's Daryl and Carol," she turned around and told them, laughing despite the tears still running down her cheeks.

"I'm sure everyone had the same idea. This is the only other place we’ve been together. I'm sure we'll meet up with everyone when we get there," Glenn seemed more sure of his decision now. Then the blue truck was behind them, and she was so relieved, the tears started falling faster.

Daryl pulled in front of them as they reached the highway, coming to a stop near the big red Suburban. “That’s Daddy’s truck,” Maggie said, relief filling her tone.

They stopped behind it, and Natalie practically sprinted out the door when she saw Lori clutching Rick and Carl. “You scared us half to death, kid,” she kissed the top of Carl’s head, squeezing him and Lori. She let go of them only to hug Rick, who she was so sure was gone. “God, I thought you guys were dead,” she breathed. When she let him go, she walked around the car, expecting to find her brother. She looked at the group around them. Andrea was missing. Patricia. Jimmy. And her brother. “You two get separated?” She looked around again, trying to figure out which cars were missing. He had to have the RV with the others. He'd come pulling up any second.

“Nat,” he said, taking a step forward, reaching for her. The tone in his voice was the one Shane had when their parents died. When Rick had been shot. This was the tone cops reserved for telling people their loved ones were gone.

She stepped back, and out of his grasp, frowning. “Rick, where’s my brother?”

Notes:

Thank you for reading! 🥰

Chapter 19

When she was 16, she’d almost drowned in the ocean. It had been Rick and Lori’s first vacation together, and Shane had brought his flavor of the week girlfriend. And her, well, she’d been left to sunbathe on the beach, enjoying the views and the boys, and learning to surf. Everything had been perfect. Until she’d gotten knocked off her board and into the water. She remembered the feeling of terror rising up her spine as the waves went over her head again and again. The burn of her lungs as she tried to suck in air that rushed in as water instead. The panic as she realized she was going to die. Except she hadn’t. Rick had been the first to reach her, pulling her from the water. She remembered the look on his and Shane’s face when she’d coughed up the sea water. How grateful she’d been for Rick running in after her without a thought to his own safety. He’d saved her life.

This time though, Rick wasn’t saving her. He couldn’t. He had shattered her world with a shake of his head. And just like that, she was 16 again, being sucked underwater, the waves crashing over her head. The same helpless feeling. The same fire in her lungs as she tried to get the oxygen her body so desperately craved. Every breath brought a new sense of pain coursing through her veins. She wasn’t even aware she’d collapsed until Daryl’s arms were holding her up, his voice in her ear telling her to breathe. She didn’t want him to hold her up. She didn’t want to be saved. She wanted to be lost at sea.

She wasn’t sure how long she’d spent drowning in her grief before Carol was in front of her, wiping the tears from her cheeks and telling her they had to move. That they weren’t safe. When she’d been in the ocean, a minute had felt like an hour. This felt like a lifetime. But as she forced herself to follow Carol’s instructions to breathe in through her nose and out through her mouth, she looked around at the faces surrounding her. At everyone gripping the ones they loved, waiting for her to calm down enough for them to get out of danger. She nodded. She had to use her head. Shane wouldn’t want her to curl up and die on a highway because he was gone. Even if she didn’t want to, he’d want her to survive. If Carol could survive the death of her daughter, she could survive this.

She was only vaguely aware of Lori grabbing her hand and pulling her from Daryl’s arms. Of Carl’s small hand slipping into her other hand as they walked. She felt like a child as they led her to the truck, Lori fastening the seatbelt around her. She saw Rick’s sad blue eyes look at her in the rearview mirror when he got in. It was the first time he’d looked at her since he’d broken her. But the moment he realized she was looking at him too, he drew his attention to the road in front of him, driving behind the others. She’d stopped looking ahead when it became clear he couldn’t seem to be able to stand looking at her. Instead, she focused on the trees passing alongside the car. Blurs of green and orange and red. She’d always loved fall. Looked forward to the crisp air. The hay rides. The haunted houses. Now fall had brought her nothing but death and pain. She wondered if this world would ruin everything she’d once loved.

Rick’s cursing and beating on the steering wheel distracted her from her thoughts. She crawled out of the truck, standing with the rest of the group, wrapping her flannel shirt tighter around herself. It was getting cold as the sun hid behind the tree line. And they’d left everything behind. She felt fingers brush against her lower back. Just a flash and they were gone. She looked over to find Daryl staring at her. She wasn’t sure she’d ever looked at him long enough to think about how blue his eyes were. “You good?” He asked.

She thought about that. Was she good? She was lost. Sad. Angry. Bitter. He’d lost his own brother a month before. He had to know all of the emotions she had running through her. She wasn’t sure she could describe herself as good. But she was holding herself together. Maybe that’s what he meant. So she nodded, silently going back to listening to the others as they argued about whether or not to stay the night where they were. She wasn’t sure it mattered. They were probably safer in the middle of nowhere than trying to find some town. As long as another group like Randall’s didn’t come.

"You know I found Randall, right? He had turned, but he wasn't bit," Daryl told Rick. She realized Rick wouldn't know that yet. He’d been with her brother when Daryl and Glenn came back to the house. "Shane killed Randall."

“And then the herd got him?” Lori asked. Natalie tore her eyes away from the pavement below her and up to Rick. Rick hadn’t given her any details. She hadn’t asked before. She couldn’t have handled them. But hours on the road, it was all she could think about. Had he suffered? Had he been bit and Rick shot him to spare him? Was that what the shot was?

He met her eyes from a moment before turning back to the group. “We're all infected,” he admitted.

If Natalie thought she had known what he was going to say, she’d have been dead wrong. “What?”

“At the CDC, Jenner told me. Whatever it is, we all carry it,” he told them.

“And you never said anything?”

“Would it have made a difference? How could I have known for sure? You saw how crazy that-“

“That is not your call! Okay, when I found out about the walkers in the barn, I told for the good of everyone,” Glenn said, clearly feeling upset and betrayed. And she couldn’t blame him. Because he’d been keeping a secret from all of them.

“Well, I thought it best that people didn't know,” he told them before walking off from the group alone. Lori followed and she watched them. The tension that grew between them as they talked. Lori bent over, distressed. Her pulling away as he reached for her. Her storming away from him and back to the group. What had he told her?

She found her feet moving, closing the distance between herself and Rick, who was still looking like she felt. Worn. Tired. Sad. Lori’s hand closed around her arm as she passed, stopping her. “Natalie, don’t,” she said, her eyes pleading. What had Rick told her? She stared, wide eyed at Lori, searching for an answer. But Lori couldn’t give her one. She wouldn’t. But she had to talk to him. She needed to know. She pulled her arm free, leaving Lori behind her.

“Rick?” she stepped up behind him, waiting for him to turn around. To look at her. But even when he faced her, he couldn’t meet her eyes. Her lip trembled as she waited for him to acknowledge her. They’d lost their brother. She needed him. And he couldn’t even look at her. She didn't understand. He didn't need her? They'd always leaned on each other. “Why won’t you look at me?”

His eyes met hers and she saw the same look she’d seen in Lori’s eyes. That same pleading look for her to sit down and shut up. For her to not ask the questions she was going to ask. But standing there seeing the look in his eyes, she started to understand why. But she had to be wrong. Because he’d never hurt Shane. “Natty-“

She shook her head, pacing. “Oh my God,” she muttered, bringing her hands to her face. And she knew she was right when she looked at him again. “Oh fuck,” she bent over, trying to calm herself. Trying to keep from dry heaving. She felt sick. Trying to catch her breath. “Oh fuck,” she muttered again, standing up and looking at the gray sky above them. It felt like her brain was short circuiting. Rick’s hand reached out and touched her shoulder and she pulled back, glaring at him. “Don’t touch me!” She said through gritted teeth. Heavy tears fell down her cheeks. Anger. Sorrow. Rage. She didn’t know which was the worst of it. She felt like the world had stopped as they stared at each other. She had trusted him. He was her brother. “Wh-what happened?” She breathed out. “How could you?” She tilted her head, her brows furrowed.

“Natty-“

“Don’t call me that!” She threw her hand up to stop him.

“You know how he was,” Rick said quietly. Maybe she didn’t want to do this. Maybe she didn’t want to know. Every word he spoke felt like a brick piling on to her chest. “He staged it all. He wanted me gone. So he could have Lori. Carl. The baby-“

“His baby-“ she snarled.

Rick’s jaw tightened before he took a breath. “I’m sayin it was the only choice. You think I didn’t know how that was gonna end? We kept walking and walking and I kept givin him chances to turn back. To make the right choice. He was my best friend,” he pointed angrily. “He was my brother for just as long as he was yours. He was my brother and he turned on me. Was going to kill me. So you can think I’m some monster. You can hate me. But I did the only thing I could to protect my family, including you,” he told her.

“Yeah, you’re real good at doin what you think is right without includin nobody else, huh?” She narrowed her eyes. “I could have fixed it!” She pushed him angrily. He stumbled back just a bit, but remained calm as he looked at her. “I could have left with him! He didn’t have to die!” She didn’t care that she might be making enough noise to draw something toward them. “You could have let us go! We could have left and I wouldn’t be alone!” She shoved him again. Once she started, she couldn’t stop herself. He wrestled with her wrists, trying to keep her from trying to hit him as she cried and yelled at him. “I hate you! I wish we’d never met you!” She cried out, struggling harder against him.

She felt arms slide around her waist and pick her up, carrying her back and away from Rick. “You gotta calm down. You’re gonna bring on the walkers and get everyone killed,” his voice hissed in her ear as she kicked and yelled profanities at Daryl, trying to get free. “Not lettin you go till you calm your ass down,” he told her. She could see the others all staring at her, a mixture of pity and sadness and probably irritation.

She went still against Daryl’s chest and his arms loosened around her. When she was free, she started walking, ignoring him calling after her. She needed space. She needed to deal with the reality of all of this without the pitiful eyes of everyone around her. Not to mention not a single one of them were probably even upset about her brother. She couldn’t stand with them and know that even if they were comforting her, they were probably glad he was gone.

She struggled for breath as she walked. She paced around, heavy breaths leaving her as she thought about it. Rick had killed him. And as angry as she was, she was just as angry at Shane. Because deep down, she knew Rick was probably telling her the truth. It added up. He’d been increasingly angry. At odds with Rick. “Stupid asshole,” she muttered through her tears as she smacked the tree in front of her. She knew he’d been unhinged. That things had been growing worse. But she thought if she just let him and Rick work it out, it would be fine. Like it always had been. She should have known better. Should have done something. She wasn’t sure when she’d switched from smacking the tree to punching it, but each hit brought a fresh wave of pain to her knuckles and a cry until she wasn’t sure if she was crying from sadness, anger, or pain.

She heard a twig snap and turned quickly, pulling her gun from it’s holster and pointing it at the walker that came from her right. Except it wasn’t a walker. Her eyes were staring into Daryl’s. “Know we don’t always get along, but shootin me’d be a waste of a good bullet,” he told her.

She let out a long sigh, bringing her gun back down to her side. “Jesus fuck, Dixon,” she sniffed. “I coulda killed you,” she holstered her gun and wiped at her face. “I want to be alone.”

“Shouldn’t be off alone in the woods. Especially if you’re out here cryin. Couldn’t hear nothin sneakin up on you.”

“Heard you, didn’t I?” She rolled her eyes. “I’m fine. You can leave.” He didn’t move though. He just stared at her, his crossbow hanging loosely at his side. He knew she wasn’t fine. She knew she must look crazy. “Don’t need you out here feelin sorry for me. Just go!” She stomped off further into the woods.

He grabbed at her arm and ducked when she swung at him. “Calm the fuck down, Sugar Ray. I’m tryin to help you,” he reached down and grabbed her hand, letting out a tsk when he saw the blood and cuts. “You're bleedin.”

“Told you I’m fine,” she told him, pulling her hand away.

He reached into his pocket, pulling out a rag. He reached out and grabbed her hand again. He dabbed at the cuts on her knuckles, wiping away the blood.

“He killed him,” she said, defeated. Daryl stopped dabbing at her knuckles and looked up at her. Fresh hot tears rolled down her cheeks. “Yesterday I had two brothers. And today I'm alone,” she said, her voice just above a whisper. There it was. The word that broke her again. Alone. But even as the tears filled her eyes again, she could see the pity in his eyes. She ripped her hand back. “I’ll go back to camp so you can stop tryin to babysit me,” she muttered, turning and walking back toward the road.

“You all right?” Lori asked when she approached camp. She had that look of guilt.

“Fuckin peachy,” she muttered as she walked past her. She didn’t want Lori’s pity or guilt or sadness. They weren’t going to bond over their love for her her brother. Because she blamed her. Just as much as she blamed Rick and herself.

“Natalie,” Lori sighed, following her to the spot where she sat, away from the fire. She didn’t care that it was cold. She needed to not be on top of everyone else.

“Leave me alone,” she shook her head, forcing out an irritated breath. “I don’t want or need your pity right now. Don’t need you to tell me how to handle this. Just because you fucked him don’t make us family. So just go,” she growled when Lori didn’t move. She glared up at her, and watched her open and close her mouth, confused, and probably hurt. Lori had been an older sister to her since she was a teenager. She’d helped her get ready for her prom. Given her advice about the guys she’d dated. Stroked her hair and held her hand when she was sad. And if she hadn’t known about her and Shane, she’d be leaning on her for support. But she did know about it, and it made her irrationally angry. Finally, Lori nodded and walked away without another word.

She listened as the others bickered about whether or not they should leave. They had to know as well as she did that it was only more dangerous alone. It was the only thing keeping her there. She didn’t want to be around these people. These people who hated her brother, who contributed to his spinning out of control. But he wouldn’t have wanted her off alone either. A loud snap of something, a branch maybe, pulled her from her thoughts. Everyone else stood, panicked at the noise, speculating about what could possibly be out there. Wanting to go. Wanting to run off. Thoughts that it could be another herd. Part of her figured if it was another herd, what was the point in running? They had barely made it out alive last time, and they had far less now. A herd would be certain death.

“No one is going anywhere,” Rick cut off the chatter. There was no question left in his voice. He wasn’t leaving room for discussion.

“Do something!” Carol insisted. She’d heard Carol making comments to Daryl throughout the day. She didn’t trust Rick. She hadn’t truly trusted him since he came out of those woods without Sophia, she suspected.

“I am doing something! I'm keeping this group together, alive. I've been doing that all along, no matter what. I didn't ask for this. I killed my best friend for you people, for Christ's sake!” He stopped, almost as if he hadn’t meant it to blurt it out. But there was no hiding it. He glanced at her for just a moment before looking around to the rest of the group. “You saw what he was like, how he pushed me, how he compromised us, how he threatened us. He staged the whole Randall thing, led me out to put a bullet in my back. He gave me no choice. He was my friend, but he came after me. My hands are clean.” He sounded like he was trying to convince them as much as he was trying to convince himself. Hearing the details again made her stomach turn. “Maybe you people are better off without me. Go ahead. I say there's a place for us, but maybe... maybe it's just another pipe dream. Maybe I'm fooling myself again. Why don't you- Why don't you go and find out yourself? Send me a postcard. Go on, there's the door. You can do better? Let's see how far you get. No takers? Fine. But get one thing straight if you're staying. This isn't a democracy anymore.”

Notes:

Wow, I've finally reached the end of season 2. Obviously this will differ from the show a bit, since there's a huge time skip in the show. While I'll skip a bit because it's like 8 months, there will be plenty of stuff before season 3. So thank you so much for reading and getting here and I hope you continue to enjoy! This has definitely gotten more kudos and reviews than I ever expected, and I appreciate you all so much! 🥰

Chapter 20

She stumbled away from the group, leaning over and emptying her stomach of the small bits of water and food Carl had brought her earlier. She hadn’t had it in her to refuse him. He was one of the only people she could stand to look at. But now she was regretting it, listening to Rick. She felt fingers pull her hair back, and when she stood, Carol was beside her. “I’m fine,” she shrugged the woman off, heading toward the street. She could feel everyone’s eyes on her as she walked, but no one said anything. She was sure no one knew what to say. They probably thought she’d finally turned into a loose cannon like her brother. She stopped when she reached the cars, leaning her back against the truck as she stared up at the stars above her. Was her brother up there somewhere, looking down on her? Or was that just something people said to give the living some comfort?

She was exhausted. Her eyes burned and her head felt like it was in a vice. She’d barely eaten or slept since Dale’s death. She hadn’t slept well even before that. Not since she’d shot that man. She could sleep in the truck. Away from the others. Maybe once they found somewhere, once she knew Carl and the baby would be safe, she could leave. She opened the door to the Suburban, crawling inside. She leaned her head on the back of the seat, trying to get comfortable. Trying to push the day from her head. She’d get herself killed if she didn’t sleep. But it was cold, and she couldn’t seem to turn off her mind. She watched Daryl make his rounds, which now seemed to include the road where she was. But as she’d requested, he left her alone.

Knocking at the window woke her up. She hadn’t even realized she’d fallen asleep. But the sun was fully up, so she was certain she’d gotten more sleep than she’d had in a week. She jumped, seeing Glenn’s unsure face staring at her. She reached forward, pulling the handle, and he pulled the door open. “Breakfast is ready,” he said quietly. She scrunched her face, confused. “Daryl got a couple squirrels. And we found some berries around. Not a lot, but you should eat,” he added. He looked at her like he wanted to say something else. Maybe he did. But he seemed to think better of it, turning and heading back toward the camp.

She climbed out, shuffling toward the others. Most of them eyed her warily. Or was she imagining it? She wasn’t sure anymore. Maybe they just weren’t sure how she would react to anything they said. They’d heard her freak out yesterday. And if they’d had any questions about why, they knew after Rick’s speech. It had to be weird for everyone. Maybe as weird as it was painful for her. She sat around the fire, where Carol handed her a large leaf with some berries and a few chunks of meat. “Thanks,” she said quietly.

“We need to make a run for gas. Or another car,” Rick announced. She could feel him looking at her, but she couldn’t bring herself to meet his eyes. Mostly because she wasn’t sure she could look at him without trying to kill him. Without feeling that boiling hot rage that made her want to hurt him as badly as she was hurting. “Daryl. Glenn. You two can take the car. Find something and bring it back.”

“If Glenn’s goin, so am I,” Maggie said quickly. There was a beat of silence before Rick agreed, however grudgingly.

Natalie stood as the others said their goodbyes and discussed whatever tasks they’d be doing for the day. She was going to find something to make herself busy and useful. Anything to not have to sit at camp all day with Rick and the others. She could gather wood. Berries. Maybe there was a house near. “Hey,” she heard Daryl’s voice behind her. She stopped, feeling she owed him at least her time. She’d been cruel to him. And truly, he’d never done anything to deserve it. He’d been good to her. Made her feel safe. “Come on,” he nodded toward the car.

She frowned, feeling unsure. “What about Rick?” She might want nothing to do with him, but she knew Daryl didn’t feel that way. And she’d never ask him to. Her issues were not his. And she was pretty sure Rick wouldn’t want her going on a run.

“He can deal with it,” he shrugged. “You wanna sit at camp with him all day? Or you wanna come help?”

“I’m with you,” she nodded. She followed him toward the car, both of them stopping when she heard Rick call out for Daryl. She looked over at him, giving him an ‘I told you so’ look. Rick didn’t trust her to not lose her cool. He was going to keep her tethered to him where he could watch her every move and make sure she wouldn’t get anyone killed. Daryl put a hand on her arm lightly, nodding toward the car. She kept walking, turning once she reached the car to watch him and Rick have their talk. It looked serious, and she prepared herself to go back to the woods, doing chores like the others.

“Come on. You and I’ll hang in the back. Let the guys feel like they’re in charge,” Maggie told her, giving her a small smile. Testing the waters, she figured. Felt strange, that Maggie would be the first one to talk to her besides Daryl and Carl. Not that she disliked Maggie. Truly, before all the tension with Shane, she thought they would have liked each other. And she was good for Glenn. But her and Natalie had never had a friendship.

She couldn’t take her eyes off Rick and Daryl. Rick shaking his head. Hands on his hips. Both of them looking back toward her. “Don’t think I’ll be along for the ride,” Natalie told her.

Daryl and Rick’s conversation came to an end, Rick clapping him on the shoulder as he walked away, and back toward them. “Y’all gonna get in or we gonna stand around all day?” He asked. All of them followed suit, taking their seats in the car. The drive was quiet, with only minor commentary from Daryl and Glenn as they speculated where they could go. They needed a gas can, ideally. But they also felt a farm would do if they found one. Daryl followed Glenn’s instructions as he looked at the map he found in the glove compartment.

“Hey look,” Glenn pointed at a shop up the road. There were probably about 20 cars sitting in front of it. A small house sat next to it. She’d seen plenty of places like this before. Someone running a garage out of their home workshop. Daryl slowed down, pulling on to the gravel driveway. All four of them looked around, but there seemed to be no walkers around. Had they really hit the jackpot? “Bet we could get some gas out of at least some of these cars.”

“Might be a place we can stay too,” Maggie added, sounding hopeful for the first time as they got out of the car.

“Should we split up?” Glenn looked around. They all looked at each other. “Thinking we could find some food. Maybe get the group back here before dark if it turns out a decent enough place to stay.”

“Thinkin any place is better than the woods,” Daryl agreed. “You two can handle the station?” He asked. Glenn and Maggie nodded. “Somethin goes wrong, holler. We’re just gonna check out the house,” he looked to Natalie who nodded, and walked with him up the drive. He reached down to his belt and grabbed his knife from its holster, handing it over to her.

“I have a knife,” she told him, pulling out the knife from her pocket and unfolding it. She held it up, as if he wouldn't believe her.

“You got a pig sticker,” he corrected, pushing the knife toward her again.

“So what you’re telling me is size does matter,” She couldn’t stop the snicker that passed. It felt foreign, to laugh. But it also felt refreshing. Like a pool on a hot summer day. Or rain after a drought. Last night, she’d thought she’d never laugh again.

Daryl looked over at her, the ghost of a smile on his lips as he arched his eyebrow. “In this case, it’s relevant.” He put his hand up as he opened the front door, moving his crossbow from the right to the left as he looked around. “Think it’s clear,” he said quietly. But he insisted she stay behind him as they moved from room to room, finding only one walker who quickly met his end with a bolt in his head.

“This was a solid find,” she told him as she opened the kitchen cabinets. She pulled out several cans of food. She hadn’t expected to find gas, food, and shelter all in one place. It was like the universe felt their pain. Like it was giving back a little, in exchange for all the things it had taken.

She found a can of clam chowder and she felt like she’d been kicked in the stomach. She leaned on the counter, taking heavy breaths. Daryl rushed to her, but she held up her hand. “Sorry,” she let out a humorless laugh as she regained her composure. “Shane lost a bet when we were teenagers. This was all he was allowed to eat for a week. It was this or cancel his dates for the month, and there was no way in hell he was gonna do that,” she held up the can, laughing even as tears filled her eyes. “So stupid. He was such an idiot sometimes,” she sniffed. She knew this was grief. She remembered this. When her parents died, she’d thought she was going crazy. The way things would just hit. But somehow, this was infinitely worse. “I used to wrap a can every year for his birthday. God, he hated it,” she laughed at the thought of it.

He watched her carefully. Almost as if he wasn’t sure if she was going to laugh again or completely lose it. His brows furrowed when she let out a sigh, wiping at the stray tears on her cheeks. “What do you need?”

She sucked in a breath, caught off guard by his question. She didn’t know what she needed. She just felt so exhausted. Physically, mentally, emotionally. It was just too much. What she needed most was someone. Someone to lean on. To confide in. Someone she trusted the way she used to trust Rick. “I need a reason to stay,” she said quietly.

“Got 2 outside,” he hitched his thumb over his shoulder. “7 more back at camp.”

“She shook her head. “Most of them probably don’t even want me here after yesterday. Everything with Shane-”

“You ain’t your brother,” he interrupted. “Look, I get it. Merle was an asshole. People didn’t like him. And nobody was sad to see him go.” She opened her mouth to reply, but he leveled her with a look. “That includes you.”

She nodded. “I’m sorry,” she said honestly. It was true that she didn’t like Merle. But she hated that Daryl had lost his brother. And even more now that she understood that pain. She hadn’t realized how isolating it felt to be in so much pain from losing someone, and to have everyone else relieved to have them gone. To have to grieve alone was awful.

He sighed, shrugging off her apology. “Point is the others saw past him. Some people tried annoyingly hard to make sure I knew that,” he gave her a pointed look. “You ain’t alone just because your brother’s gone,” he added.

“Feels like it,” she whispered. “If we were in the world before, and something happened to Shane, Rick would have been the person I called. He would have kept me sane. Lori would have held my hand and told me everything was gonna be okay. And I would have believed them. Because they were my family. And we got through everything together,” she wiped at her cheeks where tears fell. She rubbed at her chest. She’d thought she’d known what heartbreak was. But this hollow pain in her chest was new.

“They’re still there,” he said quietly.

She shook her head. “I can’t even look at them. Lookin at them, it makes me feel sick. And angry,” she sniffed as she stared at her shoes. She’d need to pick up new ones soon. Hers had been worn before everything. Now, she’d be lucky if they lasted through the winter. “I don’t know how to get through this,” She looked up at him, holding his gaze.

“You just keep goin,” he sighed. “What’s the alternative?”

She didn’t want to discuss the alternative. She might feel like she didn’t want to go on, but she knew that wasn’t true. She’d fought too hard to survive. And she’d never be able to give up. “You didn’t include yourself,” she said. He furrowed his brows in confusion. “Reasons to stay. You didn’t include yourself,” she clarified, and she could see his discomfort. The shift in his weight. His eyes on the counter behind her. “You’re the only reason I’m still standin,” she told him. “I was an asshole yesterday and you’re still here makin me feel-“ Maggie’s scream from outside stopped her as they both took off toward the front door.

Notes:

Omg thank you all so much for the kind words last chapter! You all are the best! 🥰🥰🥰

Chapter 21

Her heart pounded as she reached the front door behind Daryl, and she didn’t see either Glenn or Maggie. Gunshots came from the workshop across the field, prompting Daryl to take off at a sprint. She followed him as he ran toward the workshop. When she reached the doorway, Glenn and Maggie were holding each other. “You two all right?” She looked at them, trying to find blood. To see if either of them had been bit. Her breaths came out in heavy puffs as she looked around at 3 walkers on the ground.

Glenn nodded, still stroking Maggie’s hair as she clung to him. “We’re okay. Was just a close call.” He looked between them. “What about the house?”

“Clear,” Daryl answered. “Food in there too. Could be a good place to hang out until we get a real plan.”

Maggie finally pulled her head from Glenn’s shoulder, looking around. “Good news is I think the shop is clear now,” she said quietly. “We filled up the car with gas from a couple of the cars. Lot of em are junkers. Someone was fixin em. But we got enough that we can get the suburban here. Get it filled so we won’t be stranded.”

There were thoughts about splitting up and leaving two of them to guard the house, make sure the gunshots hadn’t drawn any more walkers, but the place appeared mostly abandoned. Daryl wouldn’t budge on him staying instead of anyone else. But no one knew how to drive his bike. So they all climbed back into the car, hoping the place would still be safe when they returned. She sat back away from the group as Glenn and Daryl told the others what they’d found. Waiting for their decision. She wasn’t even sure why it was worth talking about. They’d spent the night out in the open, in the woods. Having 4 walls and a roof was a superior plan in every way. When they’d finally got some gas into the suburban and agreed that it was the best option at least for the night, she climbed on Daryl’s bike with him.

Once they’d cleared all the rooms and the shop again, content in the fact that the place was still abandoned, she perched herself on the porch swing. The others were excited, going through the house, finding whatever was left behind. Setting up sleeping arrangements. Making plans. Having hope. Carl had come out and asked her where she wanted to sleep, and she’d insisted she didn’t mind. She’d take whatever was left. Truth was she didn’t plan on sleeping in the house with the others. There were plenty of cars to set up in. Better than having to look at Rick and Lori. The screen door creaked behind her, but she just kept staring at the sunset over the hill. It looked so peaceful around them. She couldn’t make it make sense in her brain, how there could still be beauty in the world when there was so much death and despair surrounding them.

“Thought you might be hungry,” Maggie held up a bowl. “Don’t know how Carol did it, but it tastes pretty good,” she shrugged.

Natalie took the bowl, looking it over. Canned vegetables. Canned chicken. Beans. It looked like real stew. She expected Maggie to leave her, but then wondered if she’d been sent to make sure she would eat. Lori and Rick wouldn’t do it themselves. Not with the state of their relationships. So she did the only thing she could think to make things less awkward, and downed the soup as quickly as she could. She’d probably feel a little bloated, but she couldn’t sit there in silence with Maggie waiting for her to finish. “Thanks,” she said whenever she finished, expecting Maggie to finally get up and leave her.

“You know, I lost my brother too,” Maggie told her quietly. Natalie glanced at her, but she was looking out over the sunset too. “Shawn. He was Annette’s. My step brother, technically. But I’d grown up with him. To me, he was as much my brother as Beth is my sister,” she looked over to meet Natalie’s eyes. “He was in the barn.”

“I’m sorry,” she frowned. She knew how much pain that day had caused.

“I know things are the farm were heated. And I’m not gonna pretend that I had a lot of love for your brother,” she started and Natalie inhaled, waiting for her to finish. “One thing I know though, is that he loved you. And that he would have done anything for you.” Natalie’s breath caught in her throat. She’d expected Maggie to tell her it got easier. That time healed all wounds. The things she’d heard before. “I believe he was a good brother to you. I saw how much he loved you.” Natalie nodded. “Bein an older sibling, it’s hard. Wantin to strangle em half the time, but also knowin you’d kill to protect em,” she sighed. “I’m not gonna tell you to forgive Rick. I can’t understand how losin one sibling to another could feel. But coming from an older sibling, I think your brother would want you to be okay. To find something that makes you want to move on.”

She felt tears burn at her eyes. She knew Maggie was right. Shane wouldn’t want her to spend her time being sad or depressed that he was gone. She’s not even sure that the brother she knew before everything would even want her to hate Rick. But thinking about him just made her stomach turn over and over. It made her heart ache, and made her blood feel like acid running through her veins. “I didn’t get to say goodbye,” she said quietly. She hadn’t even meant to. She didn’t want to share her feelings with Maggie. “Everyone has been able to bury their loved ones and say goodbye. And I don’t even know where my brother is.”

“So maybe you find another way to say goodbye,” Maggie reached out and grabbed her hand, squeezing. It was comforting in a way she didn’t totally understand. Maybe because it reminded her of Lori and the way she would hold her hand when she was dealing with something difficult. She missed Lori something awful. Having a sister. She wished she could look past everything and at least have her. It wasn’t like she’d killed Shane. Maybe in time. “I know it’s awful. When Daddy was sure everyone would be saved, I knew they were dead. Or at least, that they weren’t comin back the way he and Beth hoped. I had to say goodbye on my own. They were gone to me long before that day at the barn. That day was painful, but I’d said my goodbyes in my head. I prayed. And I just knew Annette and Shawn were up there with my momma lookin down on us. Protectin us. So maybe that’s what keeps you goin. Knowin your brother’s lookin down on you.”

“You think he’s up in Heaven? Rick says he tried to kill him,” she scoffed. She didn’t know what to believe. She wasn’t even sure she believed in Heaven or Hell. She knew the bible said no killing, and she’d killed a man. Maybe she was doomed too.

“I think God can forgive the things people have done since the dead started walkin. And I think he’ll forgive the things we have to do to continue to survive and protect the ones we love,” she let go of her hand, standing. When Natalie didn’t say anything, Maggie started walking back toward the door. She stopped, turning around to face her again. “Glenn doesn’t know what to say to you. He’s not avoidin you. He’s worried about you. Mostly he just feels like he doesn’t know how to make things better for you,” she said, surprising her. So that was why Maggie had volunteered to come out and talk to her. “I know you feel alone, but if you need family, we’re here. We’re all in this together now, like it or not,” she sighed, giving her one last look before leaving her to go back in the house, that door creaking again as she walked through.

She took a deep breath, bringing her legs up to cross them in front of her. She knew Maggie was right about them all being in it together. Even if she couldn’t look at them, she was stuck with Rick and Lori. She couldn’t survive out there alone. So her only option was to stay with the group, no matter how she felt about anyone in it. Not that she hated the others. But she couldn’t help but think they’d all be better off, and so would she, if she had just taken off with Shane when she wanted to. If she hadn’t let Rick stop her. The swing shifted under the weight of someone to her right and she looked over to find Daryl. “Been creepin around the corner?” She raised an eyebrow.

“Looked like you two were in the middle of it,” he shrugged. “Didn’t wanna interrupt.” He lit a cigarette and held it out to her before lighting another for himself. “Figure out where you’re sleepin? Last time I went inside, everyone was tryin to figure out who was shackin up in the two bedrooms.”

She shrugged. “Don’t need a bed. Rather not get used to one anyway. I’m thinkin that old Chrysler over there,” she motioned toward the old car sitting with no tires.

“You got a whole house and you choose a beat up shit bucket like that?” She could hear the incredulity in his voice.

She shrugged, staring out at the ground in front of them. “Maggie told me I need to find a way to put him to rest. To say goodbye. Don’t know how to do that without a funeral. That was the only way my brain seemed to click when my parents died. Buryin em felt final. This just feels unfinished. Like he could be out there, even if I know it’s impossible.” she took a deep inhale of the cigarette. The sky was dark now, all signs of the beautiful painted sky gone. Even the stars weren’t shining as bright. Maybe she could find some mountaintop somewhere, where she could always see the stars. Learn to hunt. Take care of herself. What was the likelihood that she would last very long either way. Maybe after the winter if she lasted that long.

“My parents didn’t want a girl,” she said, taking another drag of the cigarette. She couldn’t look at him, but she could feel Daryl’s eyes on her. “I don’t mean they weren’t good parents. They were. And I loved them. But Shane was the light of their life. There was nothin they loved more than watchin him play baseball and football. I was lucky if my dad came to more than 1 or 2 of my soccer games in a season. I thought it might change when I got to high school and started playin, but it didn’t. They came to the football games where I danced, but that was because they’d both grown up there too. Friday night lights and all that. But Shane, he was at every game if he could be,” she sighed. “No one ever cheered me on like he did. Well, him and Rick,” she added sadly. She looked up at him suddenly. “Was Merle like that for you?” She realized she’d never asked him about his brother. She’d been like everyone else, assuming the worst of him because of the things she’d seen. But Daryl loved his brother. The same way she loved hers. She wondered if Merle was different before everything too.

He shrugged. “Merle was in and out of juvi a lot. Then in the military, and then prison. Wasn’t like that. But he did what he could for me when he got out,” She noticed his eyes didn’t meet hers when he talked about himself. “Our parents, they weren’t good parents. Don’t think they really wanted either of us. Mom died when I was little. Pops was even worse after,” she saw something pass over his face but then it was gone, and he finally looked at her. “He ain’t cheer for me, but he did what I needed. Toughened me up. Taught me to hunt, fish, fight,” he shrugged. “Merle’s the reason I’m still around through all this shit.”

“Then I guess he’s the reason we’re all still around. Maybe when we see him again, I’ll thank him,” she gave him a small smile and saw a sort of peace in his eyes. Pride maybe. She guessed he didn’t hear much good about his brother often. He’d probably spent most of his life hearing nothing but complaints about him. The corners of his own lips turned up and he nodded a little. Just as quickly, he turned again.

“You should sleep in the house. It’s safer than a car,” he told her.

“You on watch tonight?” He nodded and she shrugged. “Then I’m not worried. I’ll rethink the sleeping situation tomorrow. Or the next day. I dunno,” she stopped, realizing she couldn’t see a future in which she wanted to sleep next to the group. “We’ll just take it day by day,” she decided. She knew things changed at a rapid pace now. Maybe that would include how she felt about being with everyone who wasn’t Daryl. Maybe she could learn to trust the others too. Maggie was trying with her. And she said Glenn still cared about her. She loved Carl. And however she felt about Lori, she was carrying her niece or nephew. Maybe with some time and perspective, she’d be okay. Maybe she wouldn’t have to leave the only person who seemed to get her now. The only person she trusted.

Notes:

First of all, I'm so sorry for the delay, since I try to keep really regular updates. I was working on another fic that I haven't posted yet, and then life got a little crazy and I've just got some stuff going on now. But I am going to still be updating regularly, so no worries there.

Second, thank you for reading!!! And thank you for the kudos and the bookmarks and the kind words! I always love hearing that you're enjoying the story 🥰

Third, is the image distracting? I really like images in a fic, personally, but also it feels a little weird since I'm 21 chapter in, so if it's not something you guys like, I'll remove and leave them out going forward, and just do them for me without posting. I just didn't know how to do them before, and with this being the first time I've posted a story here, I was still figuring everything out. Was also debating on going in and adding them to previous chapters if it is something you guys like. Anyway, enough rambling. Thank you again for staying on this journey with me (and my girl Natalie) 😊

Chapter 22

“I want you to take me huntin,” Natalie told Daryl one morning while they were on a run. They’d been at the house for a little under two weeks and this was as far out as they dared to go. They all knew they’d have to move on very soon. Supplies were running low and the area just didn’t have enough around. It was too secluded and it was going to be necessary to find somewhere with more around. One of the most important things they needed were weapons. Ammo was running dangerously low. And the further they went out from the group, the more dangerous the runs were.

“What’re you gonna do? Sing for em like some disney princess to get em to you? We ain’t got the ammo to teach you,” he scoffed.

“You think I look like a disney princess?” She grinned, breaking into full on laughter when he rolled his eyes at her. She pushed her shoulder against his as they walked. This town looked long abandoned. There were tiny rural towns like this all over. Not much to look at, but they sure had a community. “I’m kiddin. About the princess part. Not the huntin part,” she laughed again.

Runs with Daryl were her favorite days. When they went to town, she got to spend time away from Rick and Lori’s stares. Maybe they’d thought she’d be over it. Maybe the sound of her talking to Daryl in the evenings made them think things had changed. But the only difference for her was that she’d been able to cling to any joy she could. She didn’t feel like she wanted to crawl into a hole every moment of the day. When she was with Daryl, and away from Rick and Lori, she could feel the weight lift from her chest. She could forget that she had lost her family. She didn’t feel so alone. And he wasn’t so serious either. He seemed lighter when it was just the two of them. Like he was worried if the others saw him smile too much, they’d think he was weak. She liked the side of him that seemed to be hers alone.

“You got an answer for the ammo part, princess?” He asked, eyebrow quirked up. They walked toward a large building with several shops lining the street. A bar. A radioshack. A general store. Maybe they could at least get some more medical supplies. She was desperate to stock up on the basics; soap and toothpaste and tampons. She wondered if they had any clothes. She would love to find something new. Her tank top was thin. Her jeans were ripped. The flannel wasn’t keeping her warm at night. Despite the warmth during the day, the nights were dipping into the territory of cold.

“You found that bow in the garage. Teach me how to use it,” she offered. He’d found a nice compound bow and a set of arrows in the shop. Not a huge surprise. There were lots of hunters around. The surprise was that it wasn’t gone with its owner. But she guessed the owner must have been one of the walkers Maggie and Glenn had taken out. He looked at her and quickly shook his head. “Come on, Dixon. You worried you won’t be the only archer anymore?” She teased. “Maybe they won’t need you if I learn how to hunt and use a bow,” she grinned, biting her bottom lip.

“You’d have to talk to em if you wanna be the provider,” he countered. Fair enough. But not totally true. And it wasn’t like she wasn’t talking to anyone. It was more that she just didn’t initiate conversation with anyone who wasn’t him. Carol had brought her dinner several times. And she’d taken an evening watch or two with T-Dog. She didn’t ignore either of them. Things just weren’t the way they were before. She hadn’t talked to Glenn. She didn’t know what to say. And apparently, he still didn’t either. “You ever even held a bow before? It ain’t like shootin a gun. Just because you’re good with one don’t mean you’ll be good with the other.”

“Went to camp when I was in middle school. We did some archery,” she shrugged. The look on his face told her he was not impressed. Probably best not to tell him she had been decent at best. “Okay, fine. Will you at least take me out and show me how you do what you do? I don’t have to shoot nothin. I’m a good shot anyway, so that’s not what I need to learn.”

“How you expect me to find anything when you’re out there stompin around, bein loud and I’m havin to explain it to you?” He raised a brow.

“I just wanna be able to fend for myself,” she said quietly and the intensity of his gaze made her uncomfortable. She liked to keep things light. Because sometimes he made her feel like she was in one of those dreams standing naked in front of a crowd. Exposed. And now that she wasn’t so raw from the loss of her brother, and could control the tears, she felt uneasy being vulnerable. And she knew what he knew. That she was always on the edge of leaving. And knowing how to get her own food would just be one more thing that allowed her the opportunity to go. “Never mind. Let’s just check out this store,” she started walking again and stopped at the door to the general store. “Harry’s Market,” she read across the glass of the front door. “Well, Harry, I hope you’ve got somethin good for us,” she grabbed the door, slowly, praying for no bell as Daryl moved into position. He always took the lead. Not that she minded. She wasn’t going to risk a gunshot or lose one of the few bullets she still had, and she didn’t feel confident in her hand to hand.

She breathed a silent sigh of relief when the door opened quietly and he stepped through, holding his crossbow up and ready to shoot. She followed, a few steps behind him, moving as quietly as she could. The familiar growls and groans that meant there were loose walkers in the store had her swiveling her head. She looked around, his knife in her hand, but as always, Daryl was releasing a bolt before she could have thought to take care of them. He stopped, loading up another, before putting down the second walker. “Looks clear,” he told her as they made their way through the store. “Don’t go far. And keep your knife ready,” he instructed. Just like he always instructed.

The store wasn’t much bigger than a gas station. Wasn’t much different from a gas station, to be honest, aside from not having gas. But still, he acted like she was going to run into a herd of them and get overwhelmed. She grabbed a basket she found on the ground, looking around the shelves. Most of the food was picked over. Most of everything useful was picked over. She pocketed a lighter and a tire pressure gauge from one of the end caps. She was able to find a couple tubes of travel toothpaste. She walked further down the aisle, stopping at the family planning section. No tampons. She deflated a little to see everything she wanted gone. She stared at a bottle of prenatal vitamins. She’d have to have Daryl hand these off. Maybe she could just leave them in the house. Let Lori find them. She couldn’t talk to her, but she wanted her niece or nephew to be taken care of. And Lori wasn’t exactly getting a balanced diet, nor would she be low on stress. She shook her head, unsure why she was even questioning this. It wasn’t about Lori. It was about the baby. She grabbed the bottles left, thinking how sad it was that those were the things left. Baby stuff. She grabbed the boxes of condoms to the right, figuring the last thing they needed was for Maggie to end up pregnant.

“Find anything good?” Daryl asked as he came around the corner. He took a look at her basket, eyebrow raised and a small grin on his face. “Thought I’d done well with the advil.”

“They’re for Glenn and Maggie,” she shrugged. “Just a precaution.” He nodded. She knew he knew same as she did that Maggie and Glenn weren’t sneaking off for no reason.

“And the vitamins?”

“For the baby,” she answered.

“Sure do worry a lot about the people you ain’t s’posed to care about,” he let out a low chuckle. “You find anything for you?”

“Found some toothpaste,” she insisted, holding up one of the tiny tubes. He scoffed, rolling his eyes. “Fine. Obviously I’m not gonna hoard the toothpaste,” she shrugged, feeling that uncomfortable vulnerability again. He knew her well enough to know that no matter how angry she was, she couldn’t turn off the switch of wanting to make sure the people she’d loved were safe and cared for. “Didn’t find anything worth gettin is all.”

“We should head back. Gonna be losin daylight soon. Ain’t nothin else around here,” he told her. She nodded, setting the basket down on the shelf and stuffing her backpack. She’d hoped for more, but Daryl had found some band aids and painkillers, which was always a win.

“Oh,” she grinned as she looked on the counter. She was sure she hadn’t had a mood ring since she was a kid. She grabbed one from the display, holding it up. “Found somethin just for me,” she gave him a smug smile, walking out in front of him.

“Those things are bullshit,” he called after her. She ignored him, laughing as she she climbed into the car, slipping the ring on her finger and watching it change color. She held her hand out as Daryl climbed in beside her. “Tell you that you’re a pain in the ass?” He asked.

“Nope, tells me I’m happy. I think,” she said, staring at the blue and green coloring the ring. “I’d tell you to try it on, but you’d probably just break it with your bad mood. It’d never go back to happy again,” She looked over at him with a smile, expecting a smartass response, but when she caught his eyes, he just nodded and turned on the car.

They drove in silence for a while, which wasn’t uncommon. One of the things she loved about being around Daryl was the fact that he didn’t feel the need to fill every moment with noise. “I’ll take you huntin,” he told her.

“You will?” She raised her eyebrows, shocked.

He nodded. “You gotta figure this shit out with everyone though,” he went quiet and gave her a look when she started to interrupt. “Ain’t talkin about Rick,” he insisted. “You still ain’t talked to Glenn and you two were the fuckin Bobbsey twins back at camp.”

“I just don’t know what to say,” she said quietly. Which was the truth. She felt foolish now, for ignoring him for so long. But the longer she’d waited, the harder it became to talk to him. To take that first step.

She could see him chewing at his lip. “It’s dangerous. For you to be so disconnected from everyone.”

“But-”

“And you gotta sleep in the house,” he added. “No more of this car bullshit.”

She frowned over at him, feeling her body temperature rising. “Fuck off, Dixon,” she started, trying to figure out his angle. Was he messing with her? The look on his face when he looked over at her told her he wasn’t. “What does it matter?” Her frown deepened as her voice rose. “Seriously, why do you even care so much? It’s not like I’m tellin you where to sleep,” she scoffed. “If I wanna sleep in the-”

“Because I can’t fuckin sleep!” He let out a frustrated breath and hit the steering wheel. She stared at him, trying to work out his words. Trying to work out the look on his face, but he was actively looking at the road instead of her.

“Daryl-” she said softly.

“You can’t sleep out there alone,” he said more quietly. “If somethin happened, you’d be on your own. You need to be inside with the others. Just-” He shook his head. “You wanna hunt, that’s the deal.”

It was strange, feeling the moment something seemed to shift. Feeling like the air had been sucked out of the car. And suddenly the silence between them wasn’t comfortable. And she couldn’t even fully put her finger on it. “Okay,” she practically whispered.

They didn’t talk the rest of the way back to the house, and he took off to the woods, muttering about trying to find something before it got dark. She’d taken in the supplies, leaving them with Carol before her eyes landed on Glenn, sitting with Maggie on the old ratty sofa. “Can we talk?” She asked. He looked surprised, but nodded as Maggie pushed him forward. He followed her outside, sitting next to her on the swing. She knew this was long overdue. Daryl may have pushed her to this, but she realized as she sat next to him just how much she missed him. “I’m sorry,” she told him. “I’ve been a shitty friend and-”

“No,” he shook his head. “I have. I should have been there for you after Shane,” he sighed.

“I didn’t want anyone to be there for me,” she told him honestly. “I was so angry. At Rick. And Shane. And myself. And a lot of that landed on you guys too,” she blew out a breath. “I just needed to be alone I think.”

“Except Daryl,” he looked over at her, curiosity all over his face. “You two are pretty close now.”

She shrugged. It was a statement, but she knew it was a question. “He gets it, you know? It’s funny. I never would have compared Shane and Merle before. But here we both are, the younger siblings to brothers that caused a lot of shit,” she let out a humorless laugh. Saying anything less than complimentary about her brother felt like a betrayal of his memory. But she knew it wasn’t. They’d been at each other’s throats several times at the farm. It was just the truth. It didn’t take away from who her brother was. Who she’d grown up with. She refused to let those be the only memories she’d carry of her brother.

“I’m glad you weren’t alone,” he said quietly.

She nodded, feeling her eyes burn. “I really missed you,” she said quietly. As if it would stop her from crying. He reached his arm out and she leaned over, resting her head against him. It was so familiar. The safety and comfort of having someone she loved next to her. Daryl never touched her. Nothing more than a hand on her back or arm. Feather light, gone in a second touches that she knew were new to him. But she craved touch. Hugs. Comfort. She’d spent the last two weeks comforting herself while she mourned the biggest loss she could imagine. Wrapping her arms around herself to keep her life together. She reached her arms around to hug him.

He reached his other arm around her and his head settled on hers until she released her own hold. “Are you really okay?”

She nodded, settling back into sitting up. “As good as I think I can be, considering.” She sniffed, trying to figure out if that was really the truth or if it was just the truth she wanted it to be. She remembered people asking her that over and over after her parents died. And her answer was always the same; a nod and a smile. “I gotta be, right? Not the first person to lose someone. Won’t be the last,” she shrugged. He nodded, but he looked like he wanted to tell her no. She wondered if he just couldn’t think of an actual argument to that or if he just thought she was too fragile to be told it was okay to be broken still. “Oh shit, I forgot,” she reached down to her bag, grabbing the box of condoms she’d left in it. She hadn’t wanted to force Carol to make that handoff.

She held them out, and she could see him trying not to laugh as he looked down at the ground in front of them. “Seriously?” He laughed when he finally looked her way.

She shrugged, a smile on her face. “Ain’t gotta be embarrassed,” she told him. “I’ve seen you two sneakin off together. You’re not subtle,” she laughed at the look of horror on his face, and it was such a relief to be laughing with him again. “I mean, to me. Not like I’ve heard anyone else talkin about it. Daryl and I get a good laugh out of it,” she shrugged. “Anyway, I just want you two to be safe. Last thing we need is another baby on the way.”

He nodded, despite the embarrassed look on his face. “Well thanks.”

“I like Maggie. I dunno if I’ve told you that. I know we had our differences on the farm with Shane. But I’m glad you two found each other,” she told him. She hadn’t talked to Maggie since that first night, but anytime she caught her eyes, Maggie smiled at her. And she thought about their talk often.

He smiled, a genuine one that told her he was truly in love. “Me too,” he nodded, running his hand through his hair. “She makes everything better, you know? Like I can get through anything as long as I have her.” She nodded, knowing what he meant. Even if it wasn’t the same exact thing, she felt similar with Daryl. He’d made everything bearable the last couple weeks. They stared out as the sun set, much like they had at camp. Quiet, peaceful. She rested her head on his shoulder, glad Daryl had insisted on her making up with Glenn. She knew why he’d done it. If he was going to teach her how to fend for herself, he was going to make sure she had reasons to stay. She didn’t care though, why he did it. She’d missed having family. Glenn was the closest thing to a brother she had anymore, and she was so grateful to have him back.

Notes:

Wow, can't believe it's been two whole weeks (and then some). Not gonna get into what's been going on in my life, but know that I appreciate you all for sticking around and I didn't forget about you guys or this story. I'm planning to be more on my weekly schedule going forward. I appreciate you all soooo much! Thank you for the comments and kudos and just for reading! 🥰

Chapter 23

She listened as Rick, Glenn, and Hershel looked over the map, trying to find their next route. Trying to figure out which roads stayed away from the bigger cities and which might have towns worth looking at. She’d done her best to stay out of the way, trying to avoid Rick, but no one seemed to have a plan. She let out a breath, walking up to the hood of the car where they’d laid out the map. The men looked at her questioningly, and Rick seemed surprised, but all of them let her speak. “We can’t keep hopin we’re gonna find somewhere clear. We’re here, right?” She pointed down at the map, and they nodded. “We’re close to Serenity Lake,” she looked up at Rick, meeting his eyes. He was the only other person who would know.

She could see the memories light up in his mind. All those summers they’d spent at the lake. Shane and Rick had spent their summers chasing trouble and girls, and she’d spent hers chasing after them, trying desperately to be part of the group. She wasn’t sure if that hopeful look on his face was the possibility of finding another safe space, or because it was the first time she’d looked at him for more than a few seconds in almost 4 months. He nodded. “Might be abandoned. Probably have some generators. Food. If I remember, they ran a lot off propane,” he seemed hesitant to look away from her, but eventually turned to Hershel. “I think it’s a good plan,” he assured him.

“Access to water is important,” Hershel agreed. “And it’s certainly better than going into town hoping for safety. If it’s off the beaten path, it might be abandoned. I think it’s worth checking out. I don’t want to spend another night on the road,” he glanced over at his daughters, who were standing together, waiting for whatever decision they came to. They’d spent the previous night camped on the road after abandoning yet another house. And unlike that first night, they’d had to keep multiple people up because walkers had made their way too near the camp for comfort.

“Let’s do it,” Rick nodded. “Good thinkin, Natty,” he reached out to pat her shoulder, but she moved back. She could see the hurt on his face, but if he thought this was the beginning of fixing things, he couldn’t be more wrong. She was doing the right thing by the group, but she still couldn’t look at him without feeling overwhelmed by all the complicated feelings she had toward him, no matter how much she missed him.

“You know the way?” Daryl stepped up, positioning himself between her and Rick at the hood of the car. She felt her body warm as she realized just how grateful she was that he seemed to know what she needed without ever saying it. He never took sides, and she knew he was close to Rick. They spent a lot of time together, hunting, or on guard. She knew they talked a lot. Every once in a while he’d casually mention how much Rick missed her. That he still called her his sister. Those words made her heart sting. But he also never judged her for staying angry at him, or refusing to talk to him. And he ran interference whenever he could.

She nodded, pointing to the map. “We follow this road another 20 or 30 miles till we hit Old Kilburn. Take that a few miles and we should run right into it.” He nodded, tugging lightly at her wrist to have her follow him to his bike. She climbed on behind him, settling in the familiar routine of wrapping her arms around him and leaning against his back. She’d grown comfortable on the back of his bike over the winter, all her previous worries from years of hearing her father tell her how dangerous they were, gone.

When they arrived at the camp, it was strangely familiar. She hadn’t been there in over a decade, but it still looked the same. Rows of kayaks along the shore line. The large cabin looked worn but still overall pretty well kept up. She hadn’t thought about this place in years. But here it was, the possibility of keeping them safe. Maybe even providing some more good memories. Maybe this was the place they could stay. The house had been good to them. Provided them with shelter, and relative safety. But it was never going to be a long term solution. Not enough space. No room to defend if necessary. This place might work. Far enough off the beaten path, but near enough town to get supplies.

She felt herself relax almost instantly, smiling as she looked around. “Place still looks the same,” she said as she got off the bike. When she looked over, Daryl was staring at her. “What?” She laughed. He shrugged, turning at the sound of the cars pulling up behind them. “Come on,” she grabbed at his elbow, prompting him to follow her for once.

“Stay close,” he told her as the group paired off to clear the lodge. She was surprised with how abandoned the place was. They’d run across a few in the main lodge, and a few more outside, but overall, it was an easy clear. Didn’t mean it’d stay that way. Many of the places they’d stayed at over the last few months had been this way. Easy to get into. Difficult to maintain. And without a tough fence, this place was just like any others. She tried not to think about that. This would be a nice place to stay until the baby was born. Maybe even after, if they could. But she wasn’t naive enough to think that would happen, no matter how much she wanted it.

“Hey,” Maggie wrapped her arm around hers as they walked back toward the lodge after pulling the bodies and burning them. Natalie looked over at her. She knew by her tone that Maggie wanted something. “Daddy thinks I’m gonna room with him and Beth. But this is the first time since the farm that we’ve had some room. And I’m tired of havin to sneak out with Glenn just to get some time alone. It’s hard to enjoy yourself if you’re always lookin over your shoulder, you know?” she told her.

Natalie let out a light chuckle. “I actually don’t. Last time I enjoyed myself, people weren’t tryin to eat each other. What’re you askin?”

“Will you room with us? Daddy won’t have it with just us,” she sighed.

Natalie laughed louder. She understood Hershel was a traditional man, who didn’t think men and women should be sleeping together before marriage. She figured he would get there eventually, since people couldn’t exactly get married in a traditional sense anymore. But it wasn’t hard to see Glenn and Maggie weren’t just fooling around. That they loved each other. That they’d do anything for each other. If they were in the old world, she’d have bet on them being married within a year. She nodded, knowing if she was going to sleep in the same room as anyone besides Daryl, it would be the two of them. “No foolin around while I’m there. And don’t let me walk in on you two. Put somethin on the doorknob, yeah?” She laughed.

“You have my word,” Maggie smiled at her. “Thanks, Nat,” she hugged her arm against her quickly before bounding off to Glenn, who was smiling when he looked back at her gratefully.

She slowed her pace, waiting for Daryl to catch up. “What was all that?” He asked.

She shrugged. We’re roomin with Glenn and Maggie,” she told him.

“We? Who said I was roomin with you at all?” he raised a brow.

She rolled her eyes, laughing. “Shut up. Who else you stayin with? We actually have enough room to not be cramped up on top of each other. No reason for you and me to be on overnights all the time anymore.”

They’d stayed in some questionable places through the winter, without heat, which usually ended up with everyone huddled up close for warmth at night. She couldn’t handle that much closeness with the others. And despite the fact that Daryl seemed to be much more comfortable with her presence and touch, he wasn’t exactly jumping to spoon the others. So they’d spent a lot of nights together outside, huddled around a small fire. She didn’t mind it. She’d learned to sleep during the mornings when everyone else was up and about. It was better than the nights she wasn’t on watch, and slept alone and cold.

“Ain’t gonna be sleepin there listenin to them screwin,” he dismissed.

“Relax. We’ll alternate nights. They’ll get their nights when we’re out,” she answered. “And when they’re out, we can giggle in our bunks and make fun of them,” she grinned up at him. “Stop bein such a spoilsport. Enjoy this while we’ve got it.” He grunted, which she took as an okay, since he followed her to the corner room.

She’d stayed in this room when she was a counselor. It had access to the deck and large windows, which she hoped might make Daryl feel more comfortable being inside, since he never slept far from the door. Glenn and Maggie were finishing pulling two bunk beds together to have one large bunk bed, leaving them with one more bunk in the room.

“You good with bein on top?” Daryl asked, grabbing her bag and hauling it on to the top bunk.

She knew why he was asking. He wanted an easy getaway. Didn’t like feeling stuck. Probably wanted to be able to get out and wander without waking her. But she couldn’t ignore the chance to tease him. “Baby, I love bein on top. Ain’t gotta ask me twice,” she laughed. She could hear Glenn and Maggie trying not to laugh behind them.

Daryl frowned at her and huffed. “Shut up,” he shook his head, but she could see the amusement on his face.

She grinned wider. "Hey, you're the one who asked. We can take turns if you wanna be on top sometimes. I'm down for whatever," she was sure one of these days he was going to be done with her, but she was pretty sure today wasn't it.

“I’m goin to the canteen with Rick and T. See what we can find,” he told her, grabbing his bow again. She could hear the unspoken words. ‘Jokesters not welcome’.

She didn’t mind. She knew he wasn’t mad at her for the jokes. Not truly. But she also knew she was straddling that line doing it while Glenn and Maggie were around. “I’m gonna head outside. Enjoy the quiet. Close the door if I need to not come back in,” she said, opening the screen door to the deck. She loved watching the sun set over the lake. It was peaceful. She could almost forget the horror they lived in.

She heard soft boots on the wood, and knew it was Daryl before she saw him. “It feels like home, bein here again,” she leaned out over the railing. This place made her feel safe and secure. Initially, when she’d thought of the idea, she wondered if the ghost of her brother would be here; if it would be too much. But being here made her think about the best memories. The ones she’d longed for when Shane was spiraling. Back when her brother and Rick were her best friends. When she was sure the three of them would never be without each other.

“You look happy here,” Daryl nodded.

She closed her eyes and smiled softly, as if she could replay all those summers in her mind. “I loved it here. The smell of roasting marshmallows over a bonfire. Tellin scary stories. Swimmin and playin until I was so tired I didn’t even care where I slept. I never thought I’d see this sunset again,” she looked out, feeling true happiness for the first time in months.

“Grabbed somethin from the canteen,” he reached in his pocket and pulled out a single wrapped twinkie, a knowing smile on his face.

“How’d you know?” She grinned, grabbing for it. She was sure she hadn’t had one since she was a teenager. But back when she was a kid, she’d devoured them. He shrugged, looking only a little bit guilty and she had a feeling she knew exactly who would have known. She didn’t want to spoil the moment by thinking about that. Instead, she focused on unwrapping the snack cake in her hands. She took a bite before holding it up, wiggling her brows. “Want some?” She giggled, pushing it toward him.

“Hell no,” he shook his head, a rare unguarded smile on his lips. His fingers closed around her wrist, keeping her from shoving the snack cake at his face, ignoring her growing laughter. “Ain’t eat that shit when the world was good. Sure as hell ain’t eatin it now.”

“Come on. They’re amazi-” she was stopped as he pushed the cake to her mouth, quickly reaching up to catch the pieces that crumbled and fell. “Oh my god!” She let out a muffled yell as she tried not to choke from laughing as she chewed the cake. “So wasteful!” She scolded him.

He shrugged, raising his eyebrows. “Can’t understand you,” he pressed his lips in a thin line to cover his smile.

She reached out and smacked his arm. “Coulda just said no,” she laughed, wiping around her mouth.

He shrugged again, leaning back on the railing. “Good to see you laughin,” he said quietly. He said things like this occasionally, avoiding her eyes. As if it wasn’t hit place. Or maybe she’d make fun of him. But she had no desire to laugh at him when he was open and honest with her. When he was vulnerable. The same way he’d never laughed at her.

“For a while, didn’t think I’d ever laugh again. You changed that.” She turned, mimicking his position, reaching over and covering his hand with hers. She was never sure the reaction she’d get when she touched him. Sometimes he’d pull away. Sometimes he’d freeze. Every once in a while, he’d lean in to the touch, almost as if he craved it as much as she did. It wasn’t natural to go without contact. Even if it was friendly, the way she was with Maggie, Glenn, or Carol. But he didn’t pull away this time. She felt his thumb twitch and run along the side of her finger once. “I know you have a thing about compliments, but I wouldn’t be here without you. You’re one of the best people I’ve known. And my favorite person here.”

He met her eyes for just a moment before clearing his throat and pulling back his hand, and standing up. “You still wanna go to town in the morning?”

She nodded. “Yeah. There was a big campin store not too far from here. I’m hopin it wasn’t totally cleaned out. I’d really like to get Carl somethin cool for his birthday. New knife. Maybe a gun if I could find it. And I thought there might be some ammo. Clothes. Supplies,” she added.

“Sounds good,” he nodded. “Think we ought to take Glenn and Maggie? If it’s a big store, we might want the extra hands.”

She let out a long breath, and couldn’t believe the words that were about to come out of her mouth. “Rick knows the town as well as I do. I think the three of us should go.”

He knit his brows together in confusion. “You want Rick there?”

She sighed, shaking her head. “No. Not really. I’d rather it just be you and me. But you’re right. We could use the extra help. And I can’t let my feelings get in the way of doin right by everyone here. I think we’ll be faster with Rick. And a campin store probably means walkers. A lot of hand to hand.”

“Maybe you should let me and Rick go then. You stay.” She could see the wheels turning in his head. Knew he was worried about her only using a knife. They didn’t use guns unless necessary to avoid drawing more, and while they’d all become accustomed to using knives, he still generally took Rick or T to the busier towns.

She shook her head. “If it was just supplies, I would. But he’s been so withdrawn lately. He barely looks at me anymore. I wanna do somethin for him. I wanna see him be happy again, even if it’s just for a little bit. And if I have to deal with Rick to do that, I will. He’s more important than my anger.” She chewed at her lip. “Please.”

He nodded. “All right. I’ll talk to Rick tonight. We’ll leave at first light.” She nodded. She could do this. She had spent the last several months stuck with him. One run to town wouldn’t kill her. She hoped.

Notes:

Once again, thank you soooo much for reading! I hope you enjoyed this chapter! I ended up rewriting this one and stretching it out a bit, just because I needed some levity before we get into more angst. But I have things coming. So I hope you continue to enjoy! 😊

Chapter 24

She’d rethought her decision a million times over the course of the night, the same thought circling her brain. She wished she hadn’t agreed to this. No, not just agreed—suggested. This whole thing had been her idea, a moment of clarity that had seemed so solid yesterday now felt like a mistake. But she had to remind herself—this wasn’t about her. She was thinking of Carl, of the group. The supplies they needed. She couldn’t dwell on her anger or her grief. It was bigger than that.

She could hear Daryl’s low huffs of annoyance from the bunk below her as she tossed and turned, the sound a reminder that she wasn't alone in her restlessness. Eventually, she whispered, “Sorry,” her voice barely audible. She tried to stay still after that, focusing on the steady rhythm of Daryl’s breathing. It was a comfort, one of the few she had left.

She wasn’t sure when she finally dozed off. But when she woke, it was to Daryl’s gentle hand on her shoulder, his voice a low murmur. “Natalie. Time to get movin.” His tone was careful, soft enough not to startle her.

Natalie groaned softly, rubbing her eyes before pushing herself upright, watching him leave the room. As she pulled on her jeans, Maggie looked at her like she was avoiding saying what she wanted to say. It wasn’t surprising. Natalie was sure this whole situation seemed strange, even worrying, to the others. She hadn’t voluntarily spent more than half an hour in close proximity to Rick in months, and now she was going on a run with him? Before Maggie could say anything, Natalie spoke, her voice low but firm. “I’m not gonna kill him,” she said as she finished lacing her boots. “If I wanted him dead, I’d have killed him months ago. I need him. That’s it. Ain’t nothin changin.”

Maggie sighed, her expression softening, though the worry didn’t entirely leave her eyes. “I just don’t want to see anything happen to any of you,” she said, stepping closer. “You know as well as I do that trust in your run partner is one of the most important things out there. If you can't trust each other-”

Natalie looked down for a moment, then back at Maggie, her gaze steady. “That’s why Daryl’s goin too. You don’t have to worry about me or Rick. We’re gonna get what we need and come back.” She tried to put some reassurance into her words, even though the tension in her chest refused to ease.

Maggie reached out, her hand wrapping around Natalie’s. “Just be careful, alright? All of you.”

Natalie nodded and hugged Maggie. It was quick, but there was warmth there. A silent promise that she’d do her best to come back without incident. “I’ll be back soon,” she said, pulling away and forcing a small smile. “Hopefully with some cool shit to show for it.”

Maggie gave a reluctant smile in return, her eyes softening. “You’d better.”

Natalie gave her a final nod before grabbing her bag and heading out, Daryl falling into step beside her. She glanced at him, and he gave her a look—part reassuring, part questioning. She knew what he was asking without words. Was she really ready for this? Could she handle it?

She took a deep breath, her gaze hardening as she looked ahead to where Rick was waiting by the truck. “Let’s just get this done,” she muttered. Daryl nodded, not saying anything as they walked to meet Rick. The sun was just beginning to rise, the sky tinged with a soft glow, and for a moment, it almost felt like a normal morning. But the tension between them was a reminder that she couldn’t feel normal while Rick was around.

Rick looked up as they approached, his eyes searching Natalie’s face, but she didn’t meet his gaze. She just opened the truck door and climbed in, settling into her seat. Rick cleared his throat and she glanced at Daryl, who gave him a small shake of the head in the rear view mirror. It was time to go. No more talking, no more questioning. Just the mission ahead. The truck’s engine roared to life, and they set off down the empty highway. Natalie stared out of the passenger-side window, her eyes fixed on the horizon, her jaw clenched tight. Daryl drove, his eyes shifting between the road ahead and the two people in the truck with him.

Rick sat in the backseat, his voice finally breaking the silence. "I’m glad you asked me to come along, Nat," he said, his tone tentative. "I know things have been hard, but we’re still family. We still need each other."

Natalie didn’t turn her head. She kept her gaze on the landscape, watching the overgrown fields and the trees coming back to life with the first breaths of spring. Her fingers pulled at string coming from the hole in her jeans. "I didn’t ask you to come for me," she muttered. "We need supplies. I’m here for Carl. Don’t make it anything else."

Rick sighed.. "I know that. I just- I want you to know that I'm trying. I’d do anything to make things right if I could." He was different from the Rick she’d heard speak to the group the last several months. The one who left no room for questions. This Rick was the one she remembered. The one who had been her brother, desperate to keep her happy and safe his whole life. It felt strange, but she guessed there was no danger of looking weak in front of the group. Not when it was Daryl, who was his second, and her, who ignored him anyway.

Natalie turned her head, finally looking at him, her eyes hard and her voice cold. "You can’t make it right, Rick. Nothin can."

“I don’t want to go in there at odds, Nat-” Rick replied, his voice strained. "I just want to make sure we're all on the same page."

Natalie let out a humorless laugh, shaking her head slightly. "The same page?" She looked back out the window. "The only thing we’re on the same page about is stayin' alive. Beyond that, we’ve got nothin to talk about."

Daryl's hands tightened on the steering wheel, and he let out a slow breath. "Look, If this is how it’s gonna be all day, let me know so I can turn around. Ain’t gonna do it. We’ll all end up dead.” He glanced at each of them. “If we're gonna keep this group goin, we need each other. All of us.”

Natalie didn't respond, her eyes fixed ahead as the sporting goods store came into view, the shattered glass doors glinting in the light. She could feel Rick’s gaze on her still, making her anger rise, but she pushed it down. There was no room for that. There was no room for anything but survival.

Daryl brought the truck to a stop, turning off the engine as the silence pressed in around them. He glanced at Natalie, then back at Rick. "Let's get this done. We stick together, no one gets left behind." She noticed Daryl’s gaze linger on her a little longer than necessary. Obviously he thought she was the liability here. That thought worsened her mood.

She opened her door without a word, stepping out and drawing her knife. Rick followed suit, a heavy sigh escaping his lips. She wondered if Daryl had told him this could be a first step to reconciliation. She made a mental note to ask him.

She stepped through the door of the sporting goods store, her knife already out. Rick was beside her, moving quietly. She didn't look at him. The only thing that mattered was finding supplies and finding something for Carl. Daryl was a few steps behind, his crossbow in hand, ready.

The three spread out, their eyes scanning the mostly empty shelves and looking around for danger. The store was almost silent, the only noise coming from their boots on the old wood floor. Natalie kept her focus ahead, avoiding Rick’s watchful gaze. She wasn’t interested in his attempts to bridge the gap between them. She was here for Carl. He deserved a little bit of happiness. Something in her chest twisted as she thought about the last birthday he’d had. Shane, Rick and Natalie had pulled him out of school for the day, going to the Aquarium, and then the Zoo. He’d laughed so hard as Shane ran around with him up on his shoulders, trying to get a better view of the animals. A pang of pure anguish hit her as she thought about what a good dad Shane could have made before all this. She exhaled, forcing herself to focus on the task.

She paused by a display of hunting knives, her eyes catching on one with a small, blue handle. It was simple but well-made. Something Carl could use. Something that wouldn’t break. He was too young for any of this. She should be buying him walkie talkies or Nerf guns, not knives. But he was beyond toys for his birthdays now. This was practical. It could keep him alive. She picked it up, running her fingers over the blade. For a brief moment, she could almost see Carl’s face lighting up at the gift. She slipped it into her pack, trying to shake off the feelings of longing and sadness at the world they’d lost.

“Find something?” Rick’s voice came from behind her, his tone quiet, as if he was afraid of startling her.

“It’s nothing,” she replied flatly, her eyes still focused on the knives. She didn’t need to look at him to know what she’d see—regret, affection, maybe even hope that this was a chance for them to move forward. She grabbed the few knives left, stuffing them in her bag with the other one and moved down the aisle, putting distance between them. She didn’t want his hope. She wanted her brother back, and that was impossible. Rick fell silent, but she could feel him lingering, his presence a reminder of everything she had lost. She clenched her jaw, forcing herself to focus.

“Got a few things over here,” Daryl’s voice cut through the tension, rough but steady. He held up a shirt, his eyes meeting hers briefly. There was no question there, just a simple acknowledgment that she could use a save. She gave a nod, appreciating that he didn’t press her, and didn’t try to fill the silence when she approached him. She didn’t miss the look he gave to Rick over her shoulder as she stuffed her bag- a plea to let things lie, at least for now. She smiled as she realized he’d found several things. Button down shirts, tank tops, socks, underwear. She shoved as much as she could in her bag, knowing all these things could be useful for the group, even the stuff that might not fit.

As they spread further and Daryl went behind the counter in search of ammo, Natalie moved toward a door in the back of the store. It was marked as a storage room, and her fingers tightened around the handle as she pulled it open. She thought anything that was out of stock here might be in back. Maybe more weapons. Guns and ammo specifically. Bolts for Daryl’s crossbow. Darkness greeted her, along with an overwhelming stench—one she knew too well. The groan came a second later, low and hungry.

“Back up!” Rick called, his voice sharp. He was at her side almost instantly, his knife flashing as he moved in. Natalie swallowed hard, her body reacting on instinct as her feet sent her forward, plunging her knife into the nearest walker’s skull. The sickening crunch of bone made her stomach twist, but she couldn’t stop. Another walker was right behind it, its mouth opening in a grotesque groan. She heard the familiar twang of Daryl’s crossbow, and a walker dropped in front of her, a bolt embedded in its head.

“Nat move!” Rick urged, his voice strained. He was beside her, pulling her away from one that snapped at her as he backed up toward the center of the store.

“Don’t touch me,” she snarled at him, pushing him hard into the end cap of an aisle. She heard the crash as he lost his balance, but she didn’t have time to look, as another one was to her right. It grabbed her, and she screamed, trying to keep it’s grotesque jaws from her face. She heard Daryl’s yell for her and the bolt that pierced the walker’s head missed hers by inches, leaving her heart racing.

When she looked back at Rick, he was on the ground, pinned against the aisle with two walkers lunging at him, both his arms full trying to keep them away. Natalie's heart skipped a beat, icy water filling her veins as she watched them inch closer to his face. Listened to his groans, trying to keep them off him. Heard Daryl’s voice calling out as his feet raced around to get a shot. She lunged forward, her knife sinking into the side of the skull of the walker closest to her. The walker crumpled just as one of Daryl’s bolts stopped the snapping of the other. She reached out her hand without thinking, helping pull him up and for a moment, she and Rick were face to face, his eyes wide with surprise and gratitude.

“Thanks, Nat,” he breathed, his voice soft, almost gentle.

She pulled her hand away quickly, her eyes hardening as she realized she’d reacted the way she would have back before everything. “Don’t thank me,” she snapped, her voice cold. It wasn’t for him. It was for the group, for their survival. Like it or not, he was their leader. And he was Carl’s father. He’d be this baby’s father. At least that’s what she told herself. It had nothing to do with how she felt about his living or dying. She turned back to the walkers, her anger fueling each strike of her blade.

“Natalie! Rick!” Daryl's voice pulled her attention. He was further down the aisle, firing another bolt into a walker that was getting too close. “We gotta move! There’s too many!”

She hesitated, her breath coming in ragged gasps as she looked at the mass of walkers pushing through the door broken glass of the front door as well. The noise had drawn them. They kept coming, too many to fight off. Her heart pounded, and for a moment, the fear threatened to overtake her.

“Out the back!” Rick shouted, gesturing toward an exit at the rear of the store. He moved, his hand grabbing her arm guiding her toward it. She pulled away, glaring at him, but she didn’t argue. He was right. They needed to go.

Daryl was already at the door, holding it open. The bright light of the sun nearly blinded her after being in the dim store. Natalie stumbled out, her legs shaky, her hands trembling as she tried to catch her breath. Behind her, Rick and Daryl followed, and the door slammed shut, muffling the groans of the walkers inside.

She leaned against the brick wall as Daryl and Rick pushed a dumpster in front of the door, her chest heaving as she tried to steady herself. The adrenaline was still surging through her veins, her body trembling. She could feel Rick’s eyes on her, could hear his heavy breathing as he stepped closer.

“Nat,” Rick started, his voice low, filled with worry as he reached out.

She shook her head, cutting him off before he could continue. “Don’t,” she said, her voice thick. She turned to look at him. “I’m fine. I don’t need you to look after me anymore.”

“You’re shaking. You’re not fine!” Rick let out a harsh whisper. “You may hate me, but I know you better than anyone in this group. And I can see that you’re not okay.” His face was angry. Maybe he was tired of being her punching bag.

She let out a growl as she shoved him away from her, despite her hands still shaking. “And why’s that Rick? Because you killed my brother! You took away the person who knew me best! I begged you to let me take him away and you told me no! You promised everything would be fine and then you killed him!” She stepped closer to him with each sentence, her hands shaking harder as her nails dug into her palms, trying to keep herself from pulling her arm back and hitting him.

“Stop this!” Daryl yelled, getting in the middle of them. “This shit is done!” His eyes moved between each of them, waiting for either of them to dare argue. Natalie opened her mouth, and his eyes landed on her. “No! I told you we couldn’t do this. Your arguin already almost got Rick killed in there,” he told her, his voice firm.

Her eyes met his for a fiery moment before she turned and stormed ahead, her boots hitting the pavement in heavy, thuds. Her heart was still racing, her emotions tangled in a mess she couldn’t figure out. She could hear Rick and Daryl's footsteps behind her, but she refused to slow down or look back. She just wanted to get away from Rick, away from everything that reminded her of Shane and all that she’d lost.

Daryl kept a careful distance in the alley, but eventually caught up as she reached the street, grabbing her arm to stop her. “Natalie,” he said in a low voice.

She yanked her arm away from him, glancing back at Rick, who was standing several feet behind them. Her voice came out in a harsh whisper, her eyes still burning. "I don’t need a babysitter, Daryl. Especially one takin his side.”

Daryl shook his head, his eyes narrowing. "Ain't about babysittin.” He took a step closer, his expression softening. "Ain’t takin his side. I know this ain't easy for you. But you were the one who wanted him here, remember? You gotta keep your head straight.”

Natalie glared at him, her jaw clenched, but she could see the concern in his eyes. He wasn’t wrong. The anger was putting them all in danger. She took a deep breath, letting it out slowly, her eyes glancing at Rick before falling to the ground. “I just—” Her voice wavered, and she clenched her fists and exhaled slowly, trying to keep herself from crying. “Every time I look at him, it just brings it all back.”

Daryl nodded, his eyes still locked on hers. He didn’t say anything for until she looked back up at him. He brought his hand up, pausing near her cheek for a moment before putting right back at his side. “I get it,” he said softly. “But you gotta remember why we’re out here. You said it yourself. This ain’t about him, or about you. It’s about Carl. The group.”

Natalie closed her eyes for a moment, the weight of his words sinking in. She took another breath, this one steadier, and opened her eyes, meeting Daryl’s gaze. “You’re right,” she muttered. “I’ll keep it together.”

Daryl gave a small nod, his expression softening further. “Good. Let’s get outta here. Show Carl what you got him.”

She nodded, and the two of them started walking again, Daryl falling into step beside her. Behind them, Rick followed, keeping a respectful distance. He didn’t try to speak again, didn’t try to close the gap between them. Natalie was grateful for that. She knew Rick wanted forgiveness, that he wanted things to go back to the way they had been. But that was impossible. There was no going back. There was only forward, and right now, that meant staying alive and keeping the people she still cared about safe.

As they approached the truck, the air felt heavy with the tension between them. Natalie glanced at Rick as they reached the vehicle, her eyes narrowing slightly. “I appreciate you comin,” she said, her voice steady. “But this doesn’t make us okay.”

Rick met her gaze and nodded, his voice quiet. “Fair enough.”

She turned away, opening the truck door and climbing in without another word. Daryl followed, and Rick got in last, closing the door behind him. As they pulled away, Natalie leaned her head against the window, watching the landscape pass by. She let her eyes close, letting her imagine a world in which her brother was still around. One where she could have both Shane and Rick back. And one in which she could still keep Daryl, even if she had them both. There was still so much between her and Rick that felt impossible to resolve. But for now, she was alive, and they were heading home. That was enough.

Notes:

Thank you so much for the comments, kudos, bookmarks, and for my silent readers! I appreciate you hanging in with me and enjoying this. You all are so wonderful!😊 I've got plenty planned so I hope you continue to enjoy!

Chapter 25

The ride back had been mostly silent. Natalie looked ahead, her eyes fixed on the familiar tree line, her thoughts slowly evening out now that they were closer to safety. The crunch of leaves and twigs underfoot as they parked and walked back toward the cabin kept her grounded, each step an anchor in the chaos of her thoughts. She glanced up at the cabin, seeing Glenn sitting on the porch, on guard. His eyes widened as he spotted them approaching.

He waved, his expression immediately shifting to relief. “You’re back,” Glenn called out as they got closer. He got closer, his eyes moving quickly over each of them, searching for injuries. “Everything go all right?”

Daryl nodded, slipping his bow over his shoulder. “Store was overrun,” he said, his voice low. “But we made it. Got some stuff.”

Glenn’s gaze flicked to Natalie, concern still etched on his face. “Nat? You okay?”

She gave him a tight smile, though it didn’t quite reach her eyes. “Yeah, I’m fine,” she said, brushing past him, eager to put distance between herself and the others on the porch who were staring at her. The cabin felt suffocating, all eyes on her, too many questions she didn’t want to answer. Too much curiosity about how she and Rick got along today.

She walked toward the picnic tables around the side, where Carl was sitting with Beth, taking apart and cleaning the pistol he carried. It was still jarring to see the kid she’d watched grow up carrying a weapon, unafraid to use it if he had to. He smiled at her, but he still had that same tight expression she’d noticed over the last few months. Natalie gave him a smile, her eyes softening a little. She reached into her bag, pulling out the knife she’d picked out, holding it out to him. “Happy birthday, kid,” she said, her voice gentler than it had been all day.

Carl's eyes widened in surprise as he took the knife from her. “Whoa, this is awesome!” He turned it over in his hands, examining it closely. “Thanks, Nat.”

Natalie watched his face carefully, seeing the genuine joy there. It made the tightness in her chest ease just a little. “You be careful with it, okay?” she said, her voice firm. “This isn’t a toy.”

Carl nodded, his expression growing serious. “I will. I promise.”

She ruffled his hair then stood back up. “Alright. Go show your dad.” She gestured towards the porch, where Rick was standing with Glenn, his eyes flicking toward her before turning back to Glenn. She could hate Rick as much as she wanted, but she did her best not to let that tension leak into her relationship with Carl. She didn’t want him to lose his father.

Carl hesitated, glancing up at her, his smile faltering slightly. Something shifted in his expression—like a flicker of worry or guilt. “Is everything okay now? With you and my dad?”

She felt pangs of guilt in her stomach, wondering if that was what had been gnawing at him. Maybe he thought that she’d up and leave. Or that she’d never forgive Rick and he’d have to choose between loving her or Rick and Lori. “Oh kid,” she sighed. “Things with me and your dad are complicated. But that doesn’t change how I feel about you, okay?” He nodded hesitantly before he turned and walked towards the cabin. She watched him go, her brow furrowed slightly as she thought about his hesitation.

Rick's face softened as Carl approached, kneeling down to talk to him. She watched for a moment, seeing Carl hold up the knife and Rick glance back at her with gratitude in his eyes. She turned away, heading around to the back deck toward their room. Daryl caught up to her as she reached the door, his hand brushing her arm to get her attention. She turned to look at him, but she didn’t want to look in his eyes. “Look, about today,” he said quietly.

She shook her head. “I know I was a liability out there. But I’m exhausted. And I can’t hear it from you. You said your peace back at the alley. I get it, okay? I just wanna go sit by the lake and not have to think about today or what’s comin tomorrow or the day after or after that. I just wanna pretend I’m not all fucked up for one night, okay?”

He stared at her, and she could tell he was thinking. That he had something he wanted to say. But he nodded, responding quietly. “All right,” he nodded, letting her walk off.

She sat and watched the changes in the colors of the lake as the sun continued to lower to the horizon, casting a soft, light on everything. It made the world seem quiet, peaceful, as if nothing bad could happen in such a beautiful place. But Natalie knew better. There was no forgetting that, no matter how hard she wanted to. The world was different now. It had changed her. Had changed her brother. Had changed Rick.

She heard footsteps behind her. Not soft like Daryl’s but not heavy like the others. Turning, she saw Carl standing and staring at her. His eyes were wide, his hands fidgeting at his sides. He was trying to be brave, but Natalie could see the weight of something heavy on his shoulders. “Natalie, can I tell you something?” Carl looked at her. She could see how uneasy he looked. She remembered at the farm, when he’d given up the gun that he’d taken from Daryl’s bike. The worry that he’d been responsible for Dale’s death.

“Of course, kid,” she held her arm out, and he sat next to her, letting her wrap her arm around his shoulders. She felt guilty, not being open or comforting since the night of the farm. She’d been so consumed with her own grief, and trying to move past it, that she hadn’t thought about how much he might need someone. Lori and Rick were on the outs, barely speaking. She wasn’t speaking to either of them. She wasn’t the only one who’d lost her family unit, and she suddenly felt her stomach twist in guilt that she’d made this harder on him. “You can always tell me anything.”

“You have to promise not to get mad,” he said, and she couldn’t help but flash back to the time he’d stolen her signed Braves hat to wear to school and lost it. The way he puffed his lip out, those eyes so full of apprehension. How little and sad he’d looked.

“Well,” she thought over her words carefully. He wasn’t a child anymore, and whatever he was worried about, it wasn’t some silly ball cap. He knew what was real and what was dangerous. And the look on his face made her worry. “I can’t promise I won’t get mad. But I can promise that even if I do, I’ll still love you. And that I’ll always be here for you. That good enough?” She asked.

He thought for a moment, nodding solemnly. “I shot Shane.”

Her stomach dropped and she couldn’t stop the frown that formed on her face. “Carl, that’s not funny,” she could barely recognize the voice that came from her mouth. But she didn’t understand. She’d talked to Rick. He’d admitted it. He’d killed her brother. Had he been covering up for Carl? Did they really think she couldn’t handle the truth? Maybe she couldn’t. Because she was sure she could feel every beat of her heart. Feel the blood rushing through her veins. Feel the clench of her stomach. She didn’t know how to live with the thought of this kid who she loved, a boy she’d helped raise, killing her brother. He wasn’t an adult. She couldn’t hate him the way she hated Rick.

“I know,” he agreed. “He was a walker,” he told her. “I followed up to the field. And I saw Dad. He was upset, and covered in blood. And then Shane got up. He was gonna kill him,” he recalled. “So I shot him.”

“Oh,” she nodded, trying to figure out what to even say. It was the first time she realized she didn’t know the truth at all. She’d made up her mind that Rick had shot Shane. That it was the gunshots she heard. That it had been quick and painless. But she didn’t know anything. She ran a hand through her hair, trying to figure out what she could even say.

“It’s okay,” she whispered as she wrapped her arms around him tightly. She held him close and she fought back her own tears. “It’s okay, Carl,” she whispered, and she wasn’t sure who she was trying to convince. “You did what you had to. I’m not mad at you. I’m sorry you had to do it.”

“Do you hate me too?” He asked in a quiet voice. He had the same look she’d seen in his dad’s eyes.

Natalie shook her head, her vision blurry from tears. “That’ll never happen, kid. I promise,” she hugged him again. Carl managed a small smile before he nodded and left her. She watched him go, her chest aching with fresh grief. The thought of Carl having to shoot the man he considered an uncle was unbearable. She’d never considered it. And now she had no idea what to do with the information.

Once the sun had gone down, Natalie found herself standing at the edge of the porch, staring at Rick. She hadn’t had an actual conversation with him since Shane’s death. But now, with Carl’s confession, she knew she couldn’t put it off any longer. “Rick,” she said, her voice quiet.

He look up at her, surprise flickering across his face for just a moment before he cleared his throat. “Nat?”

She stepped on to the porch, wrapping her arms around herself. “I need to know what happened that night,” she said, her voice shaking. “With Shane.”

Rick’s face tensed, and he looked away for just a moment before finding her eyes again. “Nat, I don’t think-”

“Please,” she interrupted, her voice breaking. “I need to know.” She was surprised by the desperation in her voice. She steadied herself, taking a deep breath, her voice coming out more sure this time. “You owe me this much.”

He was silent for a long moment. Then, slowly, he nodded and motioned for her to sit. She did, her stomach in knots, every part of her bracing for the impact. For the crash that was going to shatter the resolve she’d built up over the winter.

Rick took a deep breath before he began to speak. “He led me out to the field,” he said, hoarse. “I thought-” he inhaled sharply. “I thought we could work it out. I wanted to, Nat. But he had other plans. I knew it. By the time we got to that field after goin in circles for hours, I knew what he was planning.”

Natalie eyed him closely, seeing the way his eyes glistened, the way his mouth tightened as though he was holding back tears. But she could see that he wasn’t lying to her. “He pulled his gun on me,” Rick continued, his voice trembling. “Said I wasn’t fit to lead. Said I couldn’t protect my family. He wanted me gone, Nat. He wanted me out of the way.” She could hear the pain lacing every word.

She rubbed at her chest, as if she could erase the pain this was causing. This wasn’t the Shane she remembered. The brother who had always protected her, who had been her rock. How had it come to this? How had he turned into someone who could betray his own brother? “I tried to talk him down,” Rick said, his voice barely above a whisper now. “Told him he didn’t have to do it. But he wouldn’t listen. He kept pushing, kept saying things. And then I realized it wasn’t just about me. It was about Lori, Carl, the baby. He wasn’t going to stop. We were gonna go round and round until one of us killed the other.”

Rick looked away, his hands shaking as he wiped at his eyes. “I had no choice,” Rick whispered, his voice thick with tears. “I- I stabbed him. And then-” He stopped, his breath hitching as he tried to steady himself. Natalie’s heart pounded in her chest, her own eyes filling with tears as she replayed Carl’s face when he’d confessed to her what he’d had to do. As if he’d murdered her brother.

“He turned,” Rick finally said, his voice barely audible. “That’s when I knew Jenner was right. He came back, and he was one of them. And Carl—” He shook his head, looking at the porch below them. “Carl was there. He saw it all. He had to be the one to end it.”

Natalie felt like she couldn’t breathe, her chest tight with grief. She was sure she might rub it raw. “He was my best friend,” he whispered, his voice breaking. “I never wanted it to end that way. I’m so sorry, Nat. I know you hate me. And I can’t blame you for that. But I’m telling you, I never wanted it to be that way. I did everything I could to prevent it. We had so many talks. But he just couldn’t let it go. Couldn’t let my wife go.”

Natalie stared at him for a long moment, the weight of his words pressing down on her. Finally, she nodded, her voice barely a whisper. “Thank you.” She stood up slowly, her legs shaky, and turned to leave before he could say anything more. She needed to get out. Needed to be alone with her thoughts. With her grief.

The bedroom was empty when she made her way inside. She could hear the others in the main room, enjoying their dinner. As if the world hadn’t opened up below them. She supposed it hadn’t. Not for everyone but her. She sat on Daryl’s bunk, her legs pulled up to her chest as she stared at the floor. She didn’t know if she was glad she knew the truth or not. It hurt in a way she wasn’t prepared for. But at least now she understood. Now she didn’t have to imagine all the different scenarios. She knew what happened. And that was more than when she woke up.

The door opened, light from the main room funneling in with the voices of the others. She looked up to see Daryl standing there. He hesitated, then stepped inside, closing the door behind him, enveloping them both in the dim candlelight again. The bed dipped next to her as he sat. "You all right?" he asked, his voice gentle.

She didn’t answer right away. She wondered if he’d talked to Rick. If he already knew what she’d learned tonight. Daryl always seemed to know where she was, what she was doing. He was always there, watching over her. She shook her head, her throat tightening as more tears spilled over on to her cheeks. “I thought I wanted to know,” she whispered, her voice cracking as she finally looked over at him.

When she met his eyes, she could feel something shift. He’d always been there. A lighthouse in the hurricane of emotions she’d experienced since camp fell. Guiding her back to land, letting her know there was still somewhere safe. He’d been her safe harbor for months. Without thinking, she leaned in, closing the distance between them. Her lips brushed his, soft at first, tasting the salt of her own tears. She expected him to pull away. He was always so guarded, always keeping himself just out of reach. But he didn’t. He stayed, his lips moving against hers, careful, as though he was afraid of scaring her off.

Warmth spread through her body, overwhelming her senses. She couldn’t remember the last time her heart had beat this way. Like it might beat so fast it could stop. But it wasn’t fear. It was excitement. Anticipation. Her entire body tingled with it. She hadn’t known how much she needed him until this moment. He shocked her as his hand moved from her shoulder to the back of her neck. The way his fingers tangled in her curls only emboldened her. He didn’t push her away. He wanted her too, and that excited her. She leaned into him, needing more, a soft groan coming from her throat. Her hands slid up his chest, over the worn fabric of his shirt, feeling the muscle beneath. She pulled him closer, not wanting to lose the warmth and the comfort he always seemed to offer her.

The kiss deepened as she climbed over to straddle him. Her body hummed as Daryl’s hands moved to her waist, his fingers digging into her hips. She let herself get lost in the feel of him. The warmth of his body, the roughness of his stubble against her skin, the feel of her fingers in his hair. It was intoxicating, and for the first time in a long time, she felt something other than pain. As his fingertips grazed the bare skin between her jeans and shirt, she was desperate for more of the fire he’d ignited within her. Her hands shook lightly as she pulled her shirt over her head, breaking the kiss for only a moment. She wanted more. Needed more. They both stared at each other, their breaths coming out heavy. The intensity in Daryl’s eyes made her heart race. There was desire there. But also confusion, and she wasn’t sure if he’d realized they’d been building to this for months either.

She smiled and leaned in again, but Daryl suddenly jerked back, his hands trembling against her sides. His breath was ragged, his expression hard to read. “Put your shirt back on,” he muttered, his voice rough, as he got up, forcing her to scramble off his lap.

Natalie stared at him, confusion and hurt flashing across her face. His tone hit her like a punch to the gut. “I thought-” she whispered, her voice barely holding steady. She didn’t understand. She had felt the way he kissed her, the way he held her. She thought he wanted her, that this was what they both needed.

Daryl’s eyes met hers for a brief moment, and his jaw tightened. He opened his mouth as if he was going to say something, but then closed it, his gaze dropping to the floor. “Just-” he paused. “Put your shirt back on,” he muttered again, his voice softer now, before turning and leaving the room without another word. The door slammed shut behind him, leaving her alone.

Natalie sat, the shirt next to her on the mattress, her heart pounding in her chest. The warmth that had filled her moments before was replaced by an icy liquid coating her veins. She had let herself believe, just for a moment, that she wasn’t alone. That maybe Daryl needed her the way she needed him. That he wanted her. That maybe she wasn’t so broken that she’d end up alone in this terrible world. But now, all she could feel was the painful rejection.

The door opened again and for the briefest moment, she thought it might be Daryl. That he’d come to fix things. But instead she found Carol, whose eyes were narrowed in concern. She seemed to take in Natalie, her shirt discarded and tears in her eyes and she looked back behind her again quickly before stepping inside and closing the door behind her. Almost as if she knew what had happened. She’d expected Carol to ask her what was wrong. To try to talk to her, as she often had. But instead, Carol sat next to her, wrapping her arms around her, stroking Natalie’s hair as she cried on her shoulder and whispered that everything would be all right, even if Natalie wasn’t so sure.

Notes:

Please don't hate me for this 🫣 I promise there's a method to the madness here and we're building toward more. More to come soon! Thank you again for reading, reviewing, leaving kudos! I appreciate the support so much! 🥰

Chapter 26

She’d let Carol help her redress and hold her until she was sure she couldn’t cry anymore. She wasn’t sure she had any tears left. It wasn’t just about the rejection. She’d experienced that before. But she had this feelings that she had ruined everything. That she’d lost her best friend, and the one person she could be entirely honest and raw and fucking ugly with. He’d never been scared of the darkness surrounding her since Shane’s death. Never blinked at the messy emotions she’d slung at everyone. He’d just been there. Never run. Until that night.

When Maggie and Glenn came in, relieving Carol of her watch, Maggie had just pulled her into the bed she shared with Glenn, wrapping her arms around her. When she’d woken up the next morning, Glenn was up in her usual bunk, and Daryl’s bed was empty. The few belongings and the bag he kept them in, gone. It had made her angry. He’d come in while she was sleeping and just pulled up the roots he’d established because she was messy and he couldn’t seem to handle it.

She’d got up slowly, not wanting to wake Maggie, and changed into a fresh t shirt and jeans, grabbing the small backpack of dirty clothes she knew needed washed. Maybe mindless chores would help her simmer down. When she stepped on to the porch, Carol’s eyes found her immediately. She half expected to see pity in them, but there was none. Watchful, maybe a little concerned, but one thing was for sure. Carol didn’t feel sorry for her. Maybe it was because she’d experienced the worst thing imaginable, losing her child. Maybe it wasn’t in her capacity to feel sorry for someone over something as trivial as heartache. Or maybe she just knew Natalie would survive it.

“You’re up early,” Carol tilted her head, taking in the bag of clothes. “I was planning on doing laundry later. You can leave them with me,” She offered.

Natalie shrugged. “Figured I could use something to distract me,” she said honestly. Carol hadn’t asked her what happened. And Natalie wasn’t sure how much she had guessed.

“Walk with me. I’m doing a perimeter check,” she patted the butt of the rifle at her side. Natalie hesitated, but Carol waved her arm. “Come on. I could use the company. And you could use the distraction,” She smiled, using Natalie’s words against her.

Natalie thought for a moment, finally nodding. “Yeah, okay.” She let the bag slip from her shoulders near the window, and joining Carol as they walked toward the trees.

They fell in step with each other, following an overgrown path that led around to the back of the camp. This same path she’d walked a million times before. Carol broke the silence, coming to a stop. Her voice was careful, like she was treading on delicate ground. "You don’t have to talk about it," she said gently, glancing over at Natalie. “I know he’s important to you. And it’s obvious you’re important to him. I just want you to know that I’m here. If you need to talk about it.”

“He didn’t do anything wrong,” she practically whispered, feeling the need to make sure Carol understood. Her pain and her tears weren't because he did anything to her. It was losing the person she trusted the most. The person who made her feel like the world wasn’t over. “I thought-” she frowned, trying to figure out what to seven say. “I dunno,” she shrugged, a humorless smile on her face as her eyes blurred with tears. “I guess I’m just too much.”

Carol nodded slowly, her expression understanding. "It’s hard," she said softly. "When you care about someone, but things don’t go the way you expect,” she wiped at Natalie’s cheeks as heavy tears fell. “He’s complicated. He doesn’t let people in very easily. Sometimes he’s a little bit hard to take,” she smiled. “I can see the difference. Since you two have gotten close. No matter what happened between you two last night, I want you to know that. And I don’t think you’re too much. I just think maybe the situation is,” she pushed Natalie’s hair behind her ear, giving her a warm smile.

“Thanks, Carol,” Natalie reached out, wrapping her arms around the woman in front of her. She hadn’t expected to talk about everything. Hadn’t expected Carol to be able to make her feel any better about her situation. But even just walking with her quietly was calming the thoughts in her mind. As they rounded a bend and some trees, Carol stopped suddenly. Natalie frowned at her before she followed Carol’s gaze. “Fuck,” she muttered quietly.

There had to be almost 100 of them. They weren’t close, but they were too close for comfort. There was no way the group could stay where they were. Not with danger so near their doorstep. “We’ve gotta go. We have to warn everyone,” Carol grabbed her arm, pulling her. She felt stuck, frozen. The thought of losing Daryl and this place in the span of hours was too much. But Carol was right. They couldn’t just stand there.

They sprinted back to the cabin, and she couldn’t even find anger in her as her eyes met Daryl’s. He and Rick immediately stopped their talk, both of them looking up at the approaching women with worry. Anytime anyone ran, it was cause for concern. It usually meant walkers. “Walkers,” Natalie breathed out, catching her breath. She pointed out from where her and Carol had just returned. “Herd. Gotta be close to 100,” she looked between them. She knew there was no room for her anger or pain at the moment. This was her reporting to the group’s leader and his right hand man.

Rick straightened immediately, his expression darkening. “Where?”

“Couple miles out,” Natalie answered, forcing her voice to steady. “They weren’t coming this way when we saw them, but it’s too close. We can’t wait around to find out if they’ll turn.” Daryl’s eyes were already narrowing, a flicker of tension passing through him. He was watching her. Watching the way she wouldn’t quite meet his gaze, and she hated how obvious it felt.

Rick looked between them, his mind clicking into gear. “Alright,” he said quickly. “We’ll pack up now, head out in an hour. Sooner if we can manage it. Daryl.” Daryl shifted, already expecting what was coming “Go with Natalie,” Rick said, glancing at her. “She can take you to where they saw the herd. I need you to get a read on how fast they’re moving and which way is gonna be safe to go.”

Natalie felt the ground tilt beneath her, panic flickering across her chest. The last thing she wanted was to be stuck alone with Daryl. Not after the way things had gone between them. She opened her mouth to protest, but her voice caught in her throat. She was paralyzed, caught between what Rick was asking and everything she felt unraveling inside her.

“I’ll go.” Carol’s voice was calm, stepping in right on cue, her words leaving no room for argument. “I know where it is. Natalie can stay and help pack. Gonna need all hands on deck to get out of here fast.”

Rick hesitated for only a moment, his eyes flicking between them. Natalie braced herself, wondering if he’d push back, demanding an answer she didn’t know how to give. Before, she might have confided in Rick about everything. Everything had changed though, and now, the only person who could give her comfort or perspective was Carol. After a beat, he nodded. “Fine,” he said, his voice sharp.

Daryl’s eyes lingered on Natalie for a second longer, something unreadable flickering there, but he turned without a word, already moving toward Carol. As they disappeared down the path, Carol threw Natalie one last glance over her shoulder, a silent acknowledgment passing between them. It was understanding. A lifeline Natalie didn’t even know she needed until it was handed to her.

She nodded, just slightly, a silent thank you hanging between them. Then they were gone, slipping into the trees, and Natalie stood there, her heart still racing but her chest a little lighter.

She knew the routine. Pack light. Take the essentials. She grabbed her clothes, shoving them into her bag, her body moving without her thinking. It was muscle memory at this point. The familiar movements kept her mind from spiraling. There wasn’t time to dwell on what she was leaving behind. This place, the safety they’d built here, the quiet nights that almost felt normal. And Daryl. She forced herself not to think about him, about the way he’d looked at her the previous night and then the way he’d pushed her away.

The cabin was a frenzy of movement. Glenn’s voice carried from the other side of the room, calling out for Maggie to grab extra water. Beth helped Lori gather up the food from the cabinets in the kitchen. Hershel picked up for Carol, who hadn’t returned with Daryl yet. Rick moved through the chaos with that focus he always wore when things were about to fall apart. Whatever else she felt about him, she couldn’t deny that he kept everyone calm in the storm.

Natalie slung her bag over her shoulder, glancing around the room one last time. It felt heavier than it should have—like she wasn’t just leaving a place but leaving behind the hope she’d had that maybe things could have been different here. Maybe she could’ve been different. More like the person she had been before. Not someone full of anger and hurt. She let out a breath and made her way outside, knowing there was no use in wishing for anything to be different. This place would never truly have been safe, no matter how much she wanted it to be. It was never going to be home.

The cars were parked in a rough circle, everyone loading supplies with quick, practiced movements. The same way they always did. The sun was high in the sky, the cool and dewy morning long forgotten. She reached the vehicles and stopped short, her heart sinking as she realized the dilemma she hadn’t prepared for.

She usually rode with Daryl. It was an unspoken thing. Just the way it had been since that first night on the road. Where he hadn’t given up on her despite the anger that had consumed her after losing Shane. He’d been the steady force in her world, knowing that no matter where the road took them, she’d be okay because he was there. But now, standing here, the weight of that expectation crushed her. Her eyes found him almost by instinct. He was by his bike, securing his crossbow and supplies. For a second, his gaze flickered to hers, and that familiar pang hit her square in the chest. But just as quickly, he looked away, jaw tight, like he was having the same thoughts running through her mind.

She stood there, frozen. Her chest felt heavy as she tried to figure out what to do. Before the panic could fully take root, a hand slipped into hers, warm and soothing. Natalie turned to see Maggie standing beside her, her expression calm but full of quiet understanding.

“Come on,” Maggie said gently, giving her hand a reassuring squeeze. “You can ride in the back with me and Beth,” she smiled.

Natalie blinked, a wave of relief washing over her before she could even think to argue. Maggie had no clue what had happened the night before. But she had to know it involved Daryl. She hesitated as she glanced toward the small backseat where Beth was already sitting. Maggie’s smile was soft but unwavering. “We’ll make it work. It’ll be like a road trip,” she insisted. “Come on.”

Natalie nodded, grateful in a way she couldn’t quite express. She followed Maggie to the car, letting herself be pulled into the space in the backseat next to Maggie. It was cramped, their knees bumping together awkwardly, but Natalie didn’t care. The tension she’d carried eased just a little, like Maggie’s presence was enough to hold some of it at bay. She made a mental note to find something nice for Carol and Maggie on the next run. Something special.

As Glenn started the car and followed Daryl’s motorcycle, Natalie watched the cabin disappear, sadness settling deep in her chest. It wasn’t just the cabin she was mourning. It was Daryl. She felt like she’d lost her best friend there. She thought she’d gotten used to loss. But this was different. This wasn’t just someone she’d lost. He would be there every day, a flesh and bone reminder of what she’d had for the last several months. And that made it feel worse.

Maggie leaned closer, her arm wrapping around Natalie’s, settling her head on Natalie’s shoulder. She didn’t say anything, just offered her presence as quiet reassurance. Natalie was grateful for it.

The sun was setting by the time they found the gas station, a building that looked long abandoned, even before the world fell apart. The sign was faded, gas prices frozen in time, and the pumps sat rusted and useless, weeds popping up through the cracks in the pavement. It wasn’t much, but it was shelter. And shelter was the only safety they had.

Rick pulled the truck to a stop in front of the building, Glenn and Daryl right behind him. Engines cut off one by one, leaving them all in silence except for the steady sounds of bugs in the distance. Natalie climbed out of the backseat, stretching her legs and rolling her shoulders. Every muscle ached from being cramped in the car too long, but the dull, throbbing ache in her chest was worse. She scanned the parking lot without meaning to, her gaze landing on Daryl as he swung off his bike. His eyes flicked toward her, just for a second, before he looked away. Her stomach twisted.

“We’ll stop here for the night,” he said, his tone sharp. “Glenn, Daryl, you’re with me. We’ll clear the building.” They nodded, moving in sync like they’d done this a hundred times before. The others stayed put, waiting by the cars to see if they were safe to go inside or had to get back on the road in the dark. Rick, Glenn, and Daryl finished their sweep in minutes, declaring it safe enough for the night. No walkers, no threats, just four walls and a roof that didn’t leak.

“We’ll keep watch in shifts. Couple hours at most. Everyone should get some sleep.” Rick said, rubbing the back of his neck as he glanced toward the front windows. “Daryl, you and Nat want first?” The question made sense. They always took the first shift, and they always took their shifts together. It had been the same since the farm. There was no way Rick could know.

Daryl gave a stiff nod, obviously preparing himself for either her silence or anger. He knew her well enough to know he’d get one. She wasn’t even sure what she’d be giving yet. She could see Carol stepping forward, but she didn’t want to make this the group’s problem, and despite what was going on, she wasn’t going to let Daryl lose the closest thing he had to a brother in Rick. She wasn’t positive Rick would take her side, but he always had in the past, and she couldn’t risk it. Her anger didn’t diminish how much she cared about Daryl.

“Yeah, sounds good,” she said, not even recognizing the confidence in her voice. She noticed Carol and Maggie both giving her concerned looks. She gave a small nod, assuring them it would be fine. She and Daryl might not be in sync, but they knew each other well enough that there was no danger of one letting the other get hurt.

Carol reach out and squeezed her shoulder as she passed, the last of the group to head inside. They would be huddling together inside, most of them trying to relax and get some sleep. Especially those who would be on watch after her and Daryl. For the first time, she wished she was inside with the group rather than sitting feet away from Daryl. She hugged her arms around herself as she leaned against the side of the gas station.

Daryl stood a few feet away, just within arm’s reach but feeling like he was miles off. His crossbow hung loose in his grip, one hand wrapped around the strap slung over his shoulder. He shifted his weight from one boot to the other, restless, like the tension was driving him crazy.

She dragged the toe of her boot through the dirt and gravel, drawing lines and circles without thinking, the same way she used to as a kid when her mind ran too fast. The same thoughts kept looping in her head. What she’d done wrong. How she’d ruined it. And whether there was even a way back from this.

She could feel his eyes on her as he shifted again, clearing his throat like he was about to say something. That tiny sound was enough to make her shoulders tense. She knew what was coming. Knew he’d try to fix this in the way only Daryl knew how. Awkward and unsure, with words he’d fumble over until they made sense. Normally, she’d appreciate the effort. Normally, she’d meet him halfway, an easy smile as she relieved him. But tonight, all she could feel was the sting of rejection lodged deep in her chest.

“You, uh...” His voice was quiet, rough, and hesitant, like he was already bracing himself for the worst. “You good?”

She scraped her boot against the ground again. Her voice died in her throat, caught between say something and keep your mouth shut. So she stayed quiet, standing beside him like they were strangers. “Yeah,” she muttered. She stared out ahead of them, willing herself not to look at him.

He stood there, awkward and restless, like he didn’t know whether to step closer or back off. His boots crackled on the gravel below him as he shifted his weight. “Natalie, I—”

“Don’t,” she cut him off, her voice sharper than she intended. “Let’s just get through tonight.” The words tumbled out, cold and dismissive. She regretted them instantly. But it was too late to take it back. She wanted to say she was sorry. Wanted to tell him she didn’t mean it. That she was just angry and hurt and scared. But the words stayed trapped in her throat, too stubborn to admit it.

The worst part was that she wanted to talk to him. She wanted to tell him everything. All about what Rick and Carl had told her. The fear that she’d ruined everything. The loneliness that sat in her stomach like a stone. That all she wanted was his friendship again. To trust him and find comfort in him the way she had for the last several months. But the anger wouldn’t let her, demanding that she keep her distance, that she make him feel even a fraction of what she felt, even if her heart never wanted him to feel that way.

They stood there in the silence. Two people who used to understand each other without needing words now stuck in a a loop of silence and anger and avoidance. She wanted to take a step closer and tell him the truth. But instead, she stayed where she was, arms folded tight, heart heavy. And Daryl stayed where he was too.

Notes:

Thank you so much for the love and support and for sticking with me so far! You all are so wonderful! Special thank you to those of you who leave comments. I love seeing what you all are thinking, and how the story comes through to you all. It's so hard to know how people are going to interpret things, whether or not you all will read things with the same intention that is in my head, so it's awesome when I see that the ideas I'm having and the motivations I'm having for the characters are coming through. I typically don't respond to comments because I don't always know how without spoiling the road ahead, but just know I love reading them and love that you all feel connected to my story and characters! 🥰

Chapter 27

The house they had found was better than most places they’d crashed in throughout the winter. It was old and smelled, but the roof didn’t leak at the rain that had been pouring all day, and the fireplace still worked. They had learned to take the small victories in a world run by the dead. In the days since they’d left the gas station, the tension between Natalie and Daryl had grown thicker. Neither of them had acknowledged it outright, but the silence was becoming unbearable. The stolen glances, the clenched jaws, the awkward shifts during watch. Natalie was itching to get away from his presence.

"We're low on everything," Rick muttered, more to himself than anyone else, before turning to face the group. "We’ll need to head back to that town we passed about 10 miles back. Get what we can before moving on." He looked around the room. “Any volunteers?”

T-Dog was the first to step forward. “I’ll go,” he said, rolling his shoulders and cracking his knuckles, clearly ready for whatever was coming. She appreciated how quickly T seemed to always be willing to put himself in danger for the good of the group.

Natalie hadn’t planned on volunteering. But as she stood there, the silence between her and Daryl felt suffocating. This would be a chance to get away from him for a while, a break from feeling like she might go crazy. “I’ll go with him,” Natalie said, her eyes meeting Rick’s. She felt Daryl’s eyes on her immediately, burning a hole through her, but she kept her eyes on Rick.

Rick tilted his head, his brow furrowing slightly. “You sure, Nat? Could be a hot zone.” She knew what he was asking. While T didn’t have a single person he’d go on runs with, she did. Daryl was the only person she’d gone out there with. She knew the idea of her going with someone who wasn’t him was foreign to all of them.

“I’m sure,” she said, her voice steady, her decision made.

The silence made the crackling of the fire even louder. Without warning, Daryl pushed himself up from where he’d been sitting near window, his jaw tight. He didn’t look at Natalie, not at first. Instead, he focused on Rick, his voice a low growl. “She ain’t goin,” he said.

Natalie felt her heart drop as she wondered if he could change Rick’s mind, but she refused to let it show. She stood up, squaring her shoulders. “It’s not your call, Daryl.” She turned back to Rick. She knew he didn’t love her going out there. She knew he still cared about her like she was his sister, even if she couldn’t see past what he’d done. But she also knew that he had been trying to make things better since their talk. That he’d seen some hope in her coming to him. And that if he could grant her requests, he would.

Rick didn’t back down, his voice calm but firm. “It’s not up for debate, Daryl. Natalie volunteered.”

Daryl’s jaw tightened, his frustration rolling off him in waves. He finally turned his head toward Natalie, his eyes dark. She knew he was furious with her. Ignoring him was one thing. But going out there without him was a betrayal. “Rick—”

“I said it’s decided,” Rick interrupted, leaving no room for argument. He glanced toward Natalie and she was shocked by the gratitude she felt. He’d backed her, no matter how horrible she’d been to him. It didn’t make things okay between them. But it meant something. Maybe that they were better than they had been a few minutes ago at least.

Without another word, he stormed out of the room, the door slamming behind him, the sharp sound echoing through the old house. Rick gave her a curt nod before he followed Daryl. He was going to do damage control. He and Daryl didn’t often disagree. And they definitely didn’t disagree about her safety. This was something he had to fix between them.

She looked around at all of the eyes on her. They’d had this silent stand off that she’d convinced herself wasn’t affecting the group. But no one seemed surprised at what had just happened. She exhaled, needing to get away from them. She stumbled forward toward the front door and out on to the porch, hands on her hips as she forced herself to breath in and out slowly. She couldn’t stop thinking about the way Daryl had looked at her, like she was betraying him just by wanting a little space. She needed to get out. Away from him. Away from all of this.

The door creaked, and she wasn’t surprised to see T walking out, leaning casually against the siding, arms crossed. “You alright?” T-Dog’s voice was casual, but there was an edge of concern in it. This wasn’t about small talk.

Natalie took a long, deep breath before looking over at him. “Yeah. I’m fine.”

T-Dog raised an eyebrow, clearly not buying into her words. She couldn’t blame him. She was as far from fine as she could remember being since that first week after the farm. “You sure about that? You don’t have to go on this run, you know. I can handle it. Ask someone else.”

She frowned. Did he not have faith in her? She was a good shot. And had a lot of experience with going on runs. She should be a valuable partner. “I said I’m fine,” she snapped.

T-Dog stayed silent for a moment, just watching her, like he was weighing whether or not to push further. Eventually, he sighed. “Look, I’m not tryin’ to get in the middle of whatever’s goin’ on between you and Daryl. But if your head’s not in the right place—”

“My head’s fine, T,” she cut him off. She hated that he was questioning her. Hated even more that part of her wondered if he was right. Maybe she wasn’t in the best place at the moment. But by morning, she’d be fine. “My head will be a lot better with some space.”

He gave her a look, the kind that said he wasn’t about to let her bullshit her way through this. He shook his head, looking down and letting out a light laugh. “You two fight like a couple that don’t know they’re a couple.”

Natalie looked at him, caught off guard by his statement. “What?” She let out a short, humorless laugh. “We’re not—there’s nothing there. You’ve got it all wrong.” Boy, did he have it wrong. So much more than he knew.

T-Dog shrugged, his tone casual, but the look in his eyes told her he didn’t believe her. “Could’ve fooled all of us. We been takin bets on when you’d start shackin up for months.”

She rolled her eyes, exasperated. “It’s not like that. Trust me” She ran a hand through her hair, trying to shake off the frustration that was building again.

T-Dog let out a small chuckle, shaking his head. “Yeah okay. But the way you two look at each other, or lately, don’t look at each other-” He stopped, raising his eyebrows. “Let’s just say I wish I had somebody who wanted to fight with me like that. There’s something else there. I don’t gotta be in the middle of it to see that.” Natalie felt her chest tighten but she didn’t respond. She wasn’t about to lay it all out for T-Dog to pick apart. Hell, she wasn’t even sure she understood it herself.

He seemed to sense her hesitation to talk about it. “Look, whatever’s going on, I don’t care. But if we’re going out there, I need to know you’ve got your head straight. Can’t afford to have things go sideways cause you’re thinking about him instead of worrying about my ass,” he smiled, trying to bring back some light to the conversation.

She felt the tension leave her body for first time in days as a smile spread across her face. “I’m fine. No need to worry about your ass. It’s all I’ll be thinkin about tomorrow. Promise,” she assured him.

His grin grew wider as he let out a soft laugh. “Alright,” he said, pushing off the wall. “If you say you’re good, then we’re good. I got your back out there.”

She nodded. “Thanks, T.”

The easy feeling between them was gone as soon as the door whipped open, Daryl still glowering as he stepped toward Natalie. He glanced at T. “You mind?” They all knew Daryl wasn’t asking.

She could see T-Dog debating on if he wanted this fight. He glanced at her, and she nodded, knowing they were going to have this out either way. She might as well get it over with and shake it off before the morning. “I’ll catch you in the morning, Nat,” T told her. He gave her a look that she knew meant to not let this get to her.

“You outta your goddamn mind?” Daryl snapped as T disappeared. She knew him well enough to know he was very close to losing his temper. She hated that she knew him that well. And that all that tension was for one reason: her. “I don’t give a fuck what Rick says. You ain’t goin out there tomorrow.”

Natalie rolled her eyes, forcing herself to stay calm as she looked him in the eye for the first time in days. “Last I checked, you don’t get to make those decisions for me.”

He took a step closer to her, the lines in his face deepening with his frown. “What the hell’s this about, huh? You really that stubborn, or you just tryin to prove somethin?”

She folded her arms across her chest, lifting her chin in defiance. “What’s it to you? It’s a supply run, Daryl. We’ve all done them. T knows what he’s doing.”

Daryl let out a sharp scoff, dragging a hand through his hair. “Ain’t about him. It’s about you. Keepin you safe. He don’t know you like I do.” His voice was rough.

“Oh, so you know me better than I know myself?” She shook her head, her frustration bubbling to the surface, even if she knew that was the truth. Daryl knew her movements before she made them. At least, until she’d kissed him. She’d thrown him off balance that night. “You don’t get to do this, Daryl. You don’t get to act like you care after walkin out on me.”

“I do care!” The words ripped from him in a painful way she hadn’t expected. Like it had slipped out before he could stop it. He took a deep breath, pacing around. “What the fuck was I s’posed to do, Natalie? You were all fucked up in the head! Not thinkin clearly. Wasn’t no different than watchin Merle smoke that shit he was into when he was lookin for a way out of his head.”

Natalie barked out a bitter laugh. “Wow. You know, I’d like to think the view of me on top of you without my shirt was at least a little better than watchin your druggie brother smokin’ meth.”

His jaw twitched. “Fuck off, Natalie. You don’t gotta be an asshole.” She knew she’d hit a nerve, insulting Merle. She’d meant to. All that levity T had given her was gone. It had been fight or flight for days with him. Mostly she’d chosen flight. But he wasn’t going to let her go this time, and she was anything but kind when she felt trapped in a situation.

 

She took a step closer, her expression unforgiving. “Why do you get to be the only asshole here, huh? Comin out, demandin I stay behind. Which, by the way, is real fuckin offensive. Contrary to what you seem to think, I can handle myself out there. So fuck you for thinkin otherwise. And fuck you for actin like you know what’s best for me.” She turned sharply on her heel, ready to walk off away from the house, but his hand shot out and gripped her arm, stopping her mid-step.

“You gonna tell me that wasn’t about Rick and your brother? Gonna tell me you still feel the same way you did that night?” His voice was low, incredulous. Like he couldn’t fathom it.

She yanked her arm from his grip, seeing red. “Oh no. You’re right. I’m nowhere near that. In fact, I’ve got no desire to kiss you ever again. I do, however, have a strong urge to punch you. So if you don’t let me go, I just might indulge myself.”

Daryl’s eyes darkened. “I’m not Rick, and I ain’t beggin for your forgiveness. I didn’t do shit to you except make sure I wasn’t somethin else you regretted. So you can stay pissed at me till you die if that’s gonna make you feel better. But don’t go out there just to spite me.”

Her eyes narrowed. “You think everything I do is because of you?”

“I think I wanna keep you alive,” he shot back, exasperated.

“Because you care about me.” It was a statement. There was never really a question of it. But she needed to hear him say it.

“Yes,” he admitted. It sounded like it pained him to say it. And it made her falter. Just a little.

“But you don’t want me.”

His jaw clenched. She could almost hear his teeth grinding. “Natalie-” His voice was low and full of warning.

“You want me to forgive you?” She stepped closer, so close they were almost chest to chest. “You wanna go back to the way things were? Then say it. Tell me you don’t want me.” Her voice was calm for the first time. She was challenging him in a way she hadn’t expected. She hadn’t planned it. She wasn’t even sure she wanted to hear it. But in her head, all she could think was if he told her he didn’t want her, she could move past it. Or he’d tell her he did and they could find a way forward. But she didn’t want to sit and tip toe around it.

For a moment, it looked like the words were right there. But he couldn’t say them. He exhaled sharply, running a hand through his hair, every inch of him radiating frustration. “I ain’t your boyfriend, Natalie. And I ain’t ever gonna be. If you can’t deal with it, then I guess we’re done with this shit.” His voice was rough, cracked at the edges. “Enjoy the fuckin run and your new partner. Try not to get both of you killed.” He shook his head as he turned and stormed off. She watched him go back inside, her heart pounding painfully in her chest as she wondered if she’d just made everything so much worse.

She’d stayed outside for a while, listening to the steady drizzle of the rain. Part of her wished it would storm. Wicked and terrifying. Almost like vindication for the mood she was in. But it wasn’t. It was barely even a rain. Just enough to be annoying. She should be getting ready for the morning. Getting some sleep. But she couldn’t even think about it. She was wired. She leaned her back against the house, sinking to her butt. She rested her arms on her knees, wondering if things would be any different if Shane were still around. She’d have both her brothers. People to confide in. But part of her knew that wasn’t true. Shane and Rick wouldn’t have made it this far together. If both of them had survived that night, she likely would be on the road with just her brother.

The thought brought a wave of pain through her. She missed Shane. And of course she’d give anything to have him back. But the thought of losing Daryl to do that was painful. All those nights where they sat together. Knowing they’d always have each other’s backs, even before they became whatever it was they were before she kissed him. He’d opened up, given her glimpses into his life. Made her feel like he thought his life was better now that she was in it. And she couldn’t deny that she felt the same. She’d never trusted someone like she had Daryl. With her life. But now she’d gone and ruined things anyway. And the words that had poured from her mouth without concern for anything but spite were making her feel worse. It was the worst Walsh trait. She knew it. Shane knew it. But neither of them could ever pull back and not go for the hurt.

She’d expected Carol or Maggie when the door opened again. It was getting dark and she knew they’d be eating what little food they were going to be willing to open. Carol had a habit of making sure everyone ate. And since the cabin, she’d been keeping a close eye on Natalie. Not hovering so much as making sure if there was a chance she was needed, she’d be there. No questions needed. Maggie had a habit of wanting to sit and chat, like things were normal. All of them needed to feel it every once in a while. Sometimes they’d talk about silly things. plan goofy vacations like the world was normal.

Who she had not expected was Hershel. She’d had conversations with Hershel with the others around. And he’d been an important advisor to Rick, which made them all defer to him as well. But he didn’t check in on her like the others. He’d told her one night he was glad Maggie had her. And that he’d misjudged her at the farm. And offered his condolences about her brother. But they weren’t what she would consider close. Certainly not close enough for offering comfort.

The wooden boards of the porch creaked as he stepped next to her, dropping quarter of a can of peaches out toward her. She stood, taking them with a quiet thank you. “Mind if I join you?” He asked.

She shrugged, reaching in and pulling out a slice of the fruit and taking a small bite, as if she could trick herself into thinking it was a larger meal if it required more bites. She reminded herself that this was why she had to go tomorrow with T. They couldn’t survive sharing cans of fruit in order to make sure they still had food the next day. They had to find whatever they could. “Who am I to say no?”

"You’ve been carrying something heavy," Hershel said gently. It wasn’t a question. And she couldn’t deny it even if she wanted. Everyone could see now that something was wrong. That something had shifted and broken between her and Daryl.

Natalie shrugged, pulling her knees up and wrapping her arms around them. "Just... dealin with some things," she replied, her voice barely above a whisper. She wasn’t ready to get into the details. Not yet. She’d only told Maggie the night at the gas station. After she got finished with her watch shift with Daryl. She needed to talk about it. And as much as she appreciated the support she’d gotten from Carol, Maggie had become her sister. The same way Glenn had become her brother at the camp.

He didn’t push. Just stood there, waiting with her. Staring out at the dark road in front of them. Listening to the light drizzle. The wind pushing the trees. Maybe it was why she found herself opening her mouth. "I think I screwed up," she said softly, staring out at the fading light on the horizon. "With Daryl." There it was, out in the open. She didn’t want to elaborate on why. But he already knew. So why not get some perspective? It was what Glenn told her Hershel always gave him. Perspective.

Hershel’s gaze remained steady, full of understanding. "Daryl’s a good man," he said quietly. "But he’s complicated.”

Natalie nodded, though the ache in her chest didn’t ease. "I know," she said, her voice strained. "I just feel like whatever was between us is gone now." She exhaled sharply. Saying it out loud made her eyes burn.

Hershel was silent for a long moment. When he turned to her, his eyes were warm. "You know, with what we’re all living through, it’s easy to forget that we’re still human. We still hurt. We still love. And we still make mistakes." His voice was soft. Fatherly. "You might be going through something. Be angry with each other. But none of that means the bond you have is broken. It doesn’t mean you can’t find a way forward.”

Natalie looked at him, her throat tight, trying not to let loose the tears she knew would come, regardless of how she felt about it. "I don’t know how to fix this, Hershel. I feel like I’ve been losin people since this whole thing started. My boyfriend. Shane. Rick. Now Daryl. I don’t know how to move forward losin everyone I care about.”

Hershel’s brow furrowed, and he shook his head gently. "Losing your brother the way you did. The strain on your relationship with Rick because of it. It’s not something you’ll ever fully get over. Loss is part of this world now, but it doesn’t mean we give up on the people who are still here. Rick is still here. You didn’t lose him. And you haven’t lost Daryl. But you have to let go of some of that anger you’ve been holding tight. You loved your brother. But holding on to that grief and anger will tear you apart if you’re not careful."

Natalie swallowed hard, tears sliding down her cheeks. "I don’t know how to let it go," she whispered, her voice breaking. "I don’t know how to stop hatin Rick for what happened."

Hershel nodded slowly. "Forgiveness is never easy, especially when it comes to someone you love. Sometimes, we need to give ourselves permission to let go, to move forward. Not because we forget, but because we have to keep living. Forgiveness isn’t for the other person. It’s for you. To allow yourself to heal. There’s so much out there trying to destroy us. Don’t let your trauma take you down."

Natalie’s chest tightened. "I don’t know if I can forgive him," she admitted, her voice barely above a whisper. "I want to. But every time I see him, I just remember what I lost." She’d been thinking about it since that night at the cabin. How with the loss of Daryl, she suddenly felt the loss of Rick so much more. The loss of having someone who loved her, who would wrap his arms around her and promise her everything would be okay. Rick had been there for every heartbreak she’d gone through. But this, which somehow felt so much worse than her silly breakups in the past, she’d had to navigate without him.

"I’ve been praying a lot about this," Hershel added softly. "About all of us. And I believe God puts us where we need to be, even when it doesn’t make sense to us at the time. You’re here, Natalie, for a reason. You’re still standing, still fighting, because you’re meant to be part of something bigger than just your grief. But if you let it take you down, you may never discover that purpose."

Natalie looked at him, feeling the weight of his words sink in. She’d never been one for faith, not the way Hershel was. She’d gone to church, sure. For her, it had felt more like just what was expected, not a safe haven. But there was something comforting in the way he spoke, in the conviction that even in all this darkness, there was a plan, a reason to keep going. They sat in silence after that. He seemed to know he didn’t need to say anything else. That his words had landed where he meant them to. For the first time in days, Natalie didn’t feel so lost.

Notes:

I've got about the next 4 chapters done, but needing some more revision, so I'm thinking by the middle of the week I'll have the next one up. I've got so much going on, and ended up with like a 7k word chapter, so I had to split some stuff. Thank you so much for reading! I hope you all continue to enjoy it! 🫶🏻

Chapter 28

Natalie was adjusting the rifle slung across her back when T-Dog approached the car, his bag in one hand and a skeptical look on his face. “Ready?” he asked, his voice steady and nonchalant, even though his eyes seemed to search her face for signs of hesitation.

“Yeah,” she nodded as she cinched her pack a little tighter. “Told you, T. It’s all about your ass today,” she smiled at him.

He laughed, nodding as he finished checking the air in the tires. “Looks good. We’re okay on gas. Shouldn’t have any worries with the car. Now as long as we can get in and out without too many walkers, should be easy.”

“Love the confidence,” She grinned, closing the back door. She heard the front door of the house open, and could see Daryl walking toward them. She wasn’t going to have a confrontation this morning. She’d thought over Hershel’s words last night and decided when she got back, she’d sit Daryl down and talk to him. But she wasn’t there yet. She didn’t want to get into her head before the run. She would talk to him once they were back home safe.

He didn’t acknowledge her as he walked, so she assumed he was going to have words with T-Dog about making sure she didn’t do anything stupid. She knew he trusted T, but also that he was struggling with letting her out there without him. She knew that feeling. That painful ache in the chest that she got whenever he was out without her. Daryl stopped in front of the car, giving T-Dog a brief nod before focusing on Natalie. “You ready?” he asked, ignoring her glare and going straight to opening the driver’s side door.

Natalie narrowed her eyes, crossing her arms in front of her. “What are you doing?” she demanded. This wasn’t in the plan. The plan was to get some space before she dove in to this whole thing. Because after their talk last night, she knew fixing things wasn’t going to be a walk in the park. But Hershel was right about it being important to do it.

Daryl didn’t even look at her. “What’s it look like?” he replied, his tone clipped. “Get in.”

“Excuse me?” Natalie’s voice was sharp, incredulous. “What do you think you’re—”

“You’re wastin’ time,” Daryl interrupted, his voice rough. He glanced at her impatiently. “You wanna go or not?”

Natalie gritted her teeth. He was trying to steamroll her, and it infuriated her. “I told you, I’m going with T.”

“And T’s goin. So get in the damn car,” Daryl growled, not giving an inch.

She looked at T, raising her brows. “Did you know about this?”

He raised his hands. “I just wanna get back in one piece. The more people who have my back, the better,” he told her. She glared at him, though there wasn’t any real fire in it. T-Dog climbed into the back seat, mumbling something under his breath about always getting caught in other people’s drama.

The ride to town was silent, and uncomfortable. This was not how she liked to start a run. Tension had a habit of making her nervous, which made her jumpy. And being jumpy out there was dangerous. When they arrived at the edge of town, Daryl parked and she blew out a breath, trying to prepare herself. She just hoped they could get through this. When they’d gone to town with Rick, their tension had nearly gotten them all killed. “Alright,” T-Dog said, his voice deliberately light. “Let’s just get what we came for and get outta here, yeah?”

They entered the first store, the door creaking loudly as it swung open. Dust covered everything inside, and the shelves were mostly picked clean. Natalie moved toward the back, checking behind counters for anything of use. T-Dog was in the far corner, checking a display case for anything they could salvage. Daryl was by the door, keeping an eye out through the windows.

She did her best to focus on looking through everything. But she couldn’t stand it anymore. Why did he come if he was going to pretend she wasn’t there? “Why’d you come, Daryl?” she asked, her voice low but sharp as she rifled through a shelf of canned goods. She didn’t bother looking at him. She didn’t have to look at him to know he was approaching. She could always seem to feel his presence.

When he finally spoke, his voice was low. “You were hellbent on comin. What else you expect me to do?” As if it was a given. As if there was no chance she was going without him.

Natalie slammed a can into her backpack, turning toward him. “You don’t trust me to handle myself?”

Daryl shook his head. “Told you last night. Ain’t about trustin’ you,” he muttered. “It’s about not lettin’ you get hurt out here.”

“If this is your way of gettin back at me for last night-”

Daryl sighed, his tone softening just a fraction. “You think I’m doin’ this to piss you off?”

“You forced your way onto this run, Daryl. Like I’m some liability.” She narrowed her eyes at him. She couldn’t believe they were having this fight again.

“You ain’t a liability,” he said quietly, his gaze locking with hers. “But I ain’t gonna sit back and watch you throw yourself into danger cause of me.”

“I didn’t ask for your protection,” she murmured, her voice softer now.

Daryl didn’t respond right away. Instead, he shifted his weight, looking back at the street. “You don’t gotta ask, Nat,” he muttered. “Just what we do, right?”

“I just wanted some space,” she said again. “I was pissed last night. But what I said,” she blew out a breath, trying to find the right words. Nothing seemed right to express how exhausted she was by the thought of their continued tension. How she missed the safety of his presence. “I just wanna fix things between us,” she said quietly.

Daryl’s gaze softened just a little, his expression still serious but less guarded. “Ain’t nothin to fix. Long as you stop yellin at me.” His smile was slight, but it was there. And it made her feel lighter than she could have imagined.

There was a pause, a beat of silence between them where neither seemed to know what to say next. But then T-Dog cleared his throat, reminding them both they weren’t alone. Natalie glanced over to see him standing awkwardly by the front of the store, his bag full of supplies he’d found.

“Uh, hate to interrupt,” T-Dog said, raising his eyebrows. “But we got a lotta ground to cover.”

Natalie let out a breath, forcing a smile as she gave T-Dog a nod. “Yeah. Let’s move.”

They’d barely made it down the block before a loud crack sent them all running for cover. “Shit,” Natalie hissed as she crouched, pressing her back against the side of the car. “Where the hell did that come from?” Her eyes searched Daryl’s trying to calm her heartbeat.

Daryl was right beside her, his eyes scanning the empty street. He gripped his crossbow tightly. “Stay down,” he ordered, his voice sharp. “We gotta move. Can’t stay out in the open like this.”

More shots rang out, and they all flinched as the bullets pinged off the metal of the cars and shattered the glass of nearby windows. Natalie peeked out just enough to catch a glimpse of figures moving between the buildings up ahead before Daryl pulled her back down, giving her a look that told her she needed to listen to him.

“We’re pinned down!” T-Dog was behind a car a few feet away from them.

Daryl’s eyes found Natalie, and she didn’t need him to say anything. This wasn’t the first hostile group they’d come across. She nodded, steeling herself. “I’m ready.”

“On three,” Daryl muttered. “One… two… three!”

They took off running. Natalie’s heart raced as her feet pounded against the pavement, adrenaline coursing through her veins. T-Dog’s gasp and shout of pain as they reached the door made her stop, but Daryl was already yelling at her to keep going. She held the door as Daryl pulled T-Dog through. She slammed the door shut behind them, Daryl helping her push a shelf against it.

T-Dog leaned heavily against a wall, his breathing labored. He winced, clutching his leg where the bullet had hit him, blood pouring out despite his hands trying to cover it. Natalie pulled her flannel shirt off, tying it around his leg in an attempt to staunch the flow.

“Good news is it’s through and through,” she tried to look hopeful. “We’re gonna get you back to Hershel and it’ll be fine,” she insisted, unsure where this determination in her voice came from. Because all she could feel was panic. “Just hold on.”

The men outside laughed, their voices cruel and taunting as they moved closer. "We don’t want much, boys! Just the girl. Hand her over, and you two can walk away.”

Natalie froze, her stomach twisting with fear. Daryl’s expression darkened, his entire body stiffening at the vile offer. His grip tightened on his crossbow, his knuckles white. She could see the fury building in him.

“We’ll let the men live, sweetheart!” another voice continued, laughter lacing the words. “Just step on out, and this all ends real quick!”

Daryl’s expression darkened in an instant, his grip tightening around his crossbow until his knuckles turned white. His eyes flashed with a murderous rage. “No fuckin’ way,” he muttered, his voice low and dangerous. He looked like he was ready to charge out there and take on the whole damn group single-handedly.

“Daryl,” Natalie hissed, reaching out and grabbing his arm. “Stop.”

He shook her off, his eyes blazing. “I ain’t lettin’ those bastards near you,” he said, his voice harsh with barely contained fury. “Ain’t happenin.”

“So you’re gonna go out there and get yourself shot? How is that gonna help anyone?”

“They’re gonna pay for even thinkin’ they can lay a hand on you,” he muttered through gritted teeth.

She tightened her grip on his arm. “Daryl, please,” she whispered. She needed him to hear her. Needed him to think clearly. “We can’t fight them like this. We have to be smart.” Daryl breathed hard, clearly struggling with his instincts. She reached up, pressing her hand against his chest, feeling the rapid beat of his heart beneath her palm. “We’re gonna get through this,” she promised, her voice firm. “But we have to be smart”

“Ain’t nothin smarter than killin every one of em,” Daryl spat, but he didn’t shake her off this time. He just stared at her.

“There is,” she insisted. “I’ll lead them away. You get T back to Hershel.”

“No,” he snapped, the word coming out sharp and forceful. “Hello no. I’m not lettin’ you go out there alone.”

“Daryl, he doesn’t have time—”

“Shut up,” he growled, his voice sounding desperate. “You ain’t doin’ this.”

T-Dog groaned softly, and they both glanced at him. Sweat beading on his forehead as he leaned heavily against the shelving. “Natalie,” he muttered, his voice strained. “You’re not gonna outrun them. They want you. You two should go. Leave me-”

Both of them turned to T with a heavy ‘No’. It wasn’t an option.

“I don’t have to outrun them,” she said firmly. “I just need to find a car.”

“A car?” Daryl repeated, disbelief in his voice. “How the hell—”

“I’ll hotwire one,” she cut him off.

Daryl blinked at her, clearly taken aback. “You know how to hotwire a damn car?”

“Yeah,” she replied, her voice steady. “Being the sister of a cop doesn’t mean I didn’t learn a few tricks.”

T-Dog let out a weak chuckle, despite the pain etched on his face. “Well, I’ll be damned,” he muttered.

Daryl wasn’t laughing. He shook his head. “This is crazy,” he muttered, more to himself than to her. “You’re gonna get yourself caught or worse. I’ll go. You get him to the car-”

“I can’t carry him, Daryl. And we’re outnumbered. Look, I won’t get caught,” she said, trying to sound confident, even though her heart was pounding in her chest. “I know what I’m doin.” He didn’t look convinced. In fact, he looked terrified. Not that Daryl would ever admit to being scared, but she could see it in the way his jaw tightened. He was afraid for her, and she hated that she was putting him in this position. “Daryl,” she said softly, her voice trembling slightly. “I need you to believe in me.”

He reached up, his rough hands cradling her face, his thumbs brushing against her cheekbones. “You come back,” he muttered, his voice barely more than a whisper. “I don’t care if you have to bring em back to the house. We’ll be prepared for a fight. But you gotta come back.”

Natalie felt tears prickling at the corners of her eyes, but she forced herself to smile, even though she was terrified. At getting caught. At not succeeding and both of them dying. At the men finding the house and hurting Carl or Maggie or Glenn or any of the people back there that she loved. “Okay,” she whispered, her voice steady. “You be careful too,” she insisted.

Daryl nodded, his hands lingering for a moment before he let her go. He turned away, his shoulders tense, and she could see the weight of his decision on his shoulders.

“Alright,” he muttered, his voice rough as he prepared himself to get T up.

Natalie swallowed hard, nodding. She gave him a tight smile, hoping it would be enough to convince him that she was as confident as she’d tried to sound. She turned toward the back door, taking a deep breath. Her fingers tightened around the grip of her rifle, and she forced herself to push down the fear coating her veins. She couldn’t let them down.

She slowed as she reached the exit, pushing the back door open just wide enough to slip through without making a sound. Her senses were on high alert as she scanned the alley for movement. She could hear the sounds of walkers nearby, but they were further down the street. For now, her path was clear.

She crept along the edge of the alley, her eyes moving between the buildings. The plan was simple enough. She could do this. She’d done riskier things before. But for those riskier things, she’d been accompanied by Daryl. She stopped herself. There was no room for fear or doubt. She remembered Shane teaching her to shoot. Teaching her to push out everything. There was her and her gun. She didn’t ever have to be afraid because she didn’t have to think when she shot. It was muscle memory. She wished Shane was there with her now.

As she reached the end of the alley, she pressed herself against the wall, peeking out onto the street. Her heart skipped a beat when she saw the men standing in the middle of the road, guns slung over their shoulders, casually laughing like they didn’t have a care in the world. Like they were certain Daryl and T would give her up. Assholes.

A few feet away was an old sedan parked by the curb. She took a deep breath, steeling herself before slipping out of the alley and making her way toward the car, moving quickly and quietly. The same way Daryl had taught her to move in the forest while they were hunting. Her fingers fumbled with the door handle, and it opened with a soft click. She glanced around, making sure none of the men had spotted her before sliding into the driver’s seat.

Blood rushed in her ears as she reached under the dashboard, fingers working quickly to find the wires. “Come on. Come on,” she chanted quietly as she worked. Finally, the engine came to life, and she felt like the heavens had opened. But that relief was short-lived. As soon as the engine roared to life, one of the men snapped his head toward the sound.

“There!” he shouted, raising his gun. “Get her!”

Natalie slammed the car into gear, the tires screeching as she floored the gas. The sedan lurched forward just as the first bullet slammed into the rear of the vehicle, shattering the back window, but she didn’t slow down. The truck’s engine roared behind her as the men gave chase, their tires squealing as they tore out onto the street after her. Natalie glanced in the rearview mirror and saw two of the men leaning out of the windows, rifles raised.

“Shit,” she muttered under her breath, swerving hard to the right to avoid another round of gunfire. Bullets pinged off the side of the car, one slamming into the trunk. But she kept driving, weaving between the debris and wrecked vehicles as fast as she could. The truck was gaining on her as the men continued to fire at her. She could hear their shouts, their voices filled with excitement, like they were playing some sick game. Maybe they were.

Natalie jerked the wheel to the left, the sedan making a sharp turn down a side street. Her heart pounded as she pushed the car harder, trying to outrun the truck. “Damn it!” Natalie muttered under her breath, her knuckles turning white she she pushed the car harder. She’d lost them on the turn, but she knew it wouldn’t last.

She drove out of the small town, heading down an abandoned road, the forest looming on either side. Her hands were shaking, her breath coming in short bursts as she tried to keep her nerves steady. But then, as she rounded a bend in the road, her stomach dropped. A herd of walkers. Dozens of them, shuffling across the road.

"Shit," Natalie cursed, slamming her foot on the brakes, sending the car spinning as it screeched to a halt. The walkers began closing in, closing off any way forward.

She glanced behind her. The truck was nowhere to be seen, but she knew better than to assume that meant they wouldn’t be. And now she was trapped between them and the herd. Her heart raced as she threw the car into reverse, but it was no use. The road behind her was already filling with more walkers, drawn by the sound of the car. She was surrounded. There was no way she could plow through the herd without the car stalling or getting stuck. She couldn’t afford to get pinned in the middle of a swarm of walkers, not with the men still hunting her.

No choice. Her fingers trembled as she grabbed her rifle and slung it over her shoulder. She kicked open the door and bolted out of the car. The nearest walkers turned toward her, their arms reaching out, groaning hungrily. She didn’t hesitate. She ran toward the tree line, her breath coming in short gasps.

She could hear the herd behind her. She just needed to make it further into the woods, where she could lose them. The walkers and the men. She dove into the forest, the branches tearing at her clothes and skin as she pushed through the undergrowth. The dense foliage slowed her down, but it also hid her. The sounds of the walkers grew more distant as she moved. For a moment, she thought she might have gotten away.

But then, she heard the unmistakable sound of the truck’s engine roaring in the distance. Panic surged through her. The men were still searching for her. She had to move quickly. She adjusted the rifle on her back, taking a deep breath to calm her racing heart. The trees were thick. She could use that to her advantage.

After what felt like an eternity, she slowed, her breath coming in heavy gasps. She had put enough distance between her and the herd, and the truck’s engine had faded into the distance. Natalie crouched behind a large tree, taking a moment to catch her breath and listen. The forest was quiet again. But she knew she didn’t have time to waste. She had to keep moving. She had to make it back. Just get back to Daryl. Get back to the house.

Notes:

Wow, this took longer than I thought. All I can say is covid is no joke. But good news is I'm starting to get back to normal, and with that comes another chapter. Thank you all for the support and for reading! 🫶🏻

Chapter 29

Notes:

Thank you so much for those of you coming back to the story after my long hiatus. Unfortunately I lost someone in my family and it just really made it difficult for me to come back to any writing, let alone something sort of dark. I hope you all can understand and still want to continue on this journey with me. Thank you so much for the support over the last 28 chapters and for reading all my future ones 🫶🏻

She wasn’t sure how long she’d been running. It felt like forever, though the sky’s red and orange streaks suggested otherwise. Ahead, the dark silhouette of an old building caught her eye. If she could reach it, maybe she’d have enough time to figure out her next move. She’d gone so far off course that she had no clue how to get back to the house. She’d have to double back through town, but not with them chasing her. She needed time. Time she didn’t have.

The entrance to the factory was barricaded. She cursed and looked for another way in. A small, half-open window near the ground was all she found. It was tight, but it might work. She wedged herself through, the metal scraping her skin. If this were the old days, Shane would be nagging her about a tetanus shot. The thought almost made her laugh.

Darkness swallowed her once she got inside. The air was thick with dust, sharp with the smell of old oil. She heard shuffling and moaning—walkers. That was bad, but the engine outside was worse. They were here, hunting her. She stayed low, letting her eyes adjust to what little light streamed through the broken windows.

Then she heard footsteps. Her heart pounded. These were no walkers. They were close, deliberate, and very human. Pressed against the wall, she tightened her grip on the gun. Her hands trembled. She wasn’t dying here.

The footsteps stopped. Silence filled the space, then a rough voice broke it. “I know you’re in here, girl.”

“You really think you can outrun us?” another voice taunted. “You’re only making this harder on yourself.”

Natalie’s mind raced. She needed to stay hidden and slip away. There wasn’t much time. She scanned her surroundings. A pile of old machinery stood near the far wall. It would have to do. She crept behind it, breath coming in ragged bursts. The voices grew louder.

“You should’ve stayed with your people,” one of the men said, his tone dripping malice. “Now you’re all alone. Easy pickings.”

They were moving through the factory, footsteps echoing on concrete. After a moment, their voices drifted farther away. They’d be back, though. She couldn’t wait around. She spotted a door at the end of the corridor, half off its hinges. It was her only way out.

Just as she worked up the nerve to make a run for it—skirting past the walkers—a voice came from behind. “Gotcha.” He grinned, showing off poor hygiene that likely predated the apocalypse, and aimed his gun at her. He was alone. Had they actually split up? This was the first real stroke of luck she’d had all day. “Now now, girl. Runnin’ was a bad move.”

She thought of Daryl. He’d taught her how to fight even without a weapon. You’re smaller than most men. Means you gotta use what you got. Speed, mobility, and brains. He’d tapped her temple softly while he said it. He knew men would underestimate her. Being a woman could be an advantage if she played it right. She lowered her gun a fraction, hoping to make him drop his guard. “Just you? Where’re the others?” she asked.

“Off lookin’ for you,” he said, sounding a bit uneasy at her calm. “You oughta be scared. The things they’ll do…”

A walker groaned behind him. It wasn’t close yet, but it would be. She needed time. “But not you?” she asked, stepping forward just enough to seem harmless. She swallowed hard and kept her face neutral. “Look,” she said softly, “It doesn’t have to be like this. I only want to survive. Same as you.”

His grin wavered. “Oh yeah? What’re you gettin’ at?”

She raised her hands in a gesture of surrender, voice barely above a whisper. “We can work something out. I’m not lookin for a fight. And your boys aren’t here yet.”

He lowered the gun slightly, curiosity flickering in his eyes. “You serious?”

She nodded. Walkers were closing in behind him; their groans got louder, but he either wasn’t worried about them which was stupid, or too focused on her. The man’s grin returned, more predatory now. He moved closer, eyes roaming over her. “Little body like that… bet you know how to make a fella feel real good,” he sneered, reaching out to brush her hair aside. She made sure to look nervous rather than disgusted.

“Okay,” she said, forcing a tremor into her voice. “I just… don’t want to get hurt. You can be gentle, right?”

He let out a dark chuckle. “That’s up to you, sweetheart.”

She slid a hand to his shirt buttons, keeping her gaze on him and not the walkers edging closer. Her heart hammered. She had to time this perfectly. “You’re not as bad as you seem,” she managed to say. “You’re just lonely, right? End of the world and all.”

He laughed again, pulling her closer by the waistband of her jeans. “That’s right.” His mouth crashed onto hers, and she had to fight the urge to gag at his breath or his hands as they squeezed her backside, listening for the walkers’ snarls. One of them stumbled out of the shadows, right behind him.

Now. She drove her knee up into his groin just as Rick had taught her when he hosted the women’s self defense class when she was a senior in high school. He doubled over with a gasp, and she shoved him backward into the oncoming walkers. He screamed as they clawed at him, his gun firing wildly. She didn’t stick around to watch. She took off running, lungs burning, footsteps thundering behind her. Shots rang out, and men shouted, but she didn’t look back.

She crashed through the door, bursting into the night air. Rain pelted her hair and clothes. More shouts sounded behind her. If they caught her, she’d be out of tricks and out of time. She sprinted for the trees, ignoring her body’s protests, and didn’t stop until the factory was far behind. Even then, her heart pounded. She had to keep moving. Couldn’t stay here.

Her boots slid across wet leaves and mud. Branches scraped her arms, stinging reminders that she was still alive. The brothers crashed through the woods behind her, shouting threats. Her rifle flew from her grip when she stumbled, and she forced herself to leave it, fear spurring her onward.

“Come on out, bitch!” one of them yelled, his tone darkly amused. “Nowhere to hide! We’ll teach you what happens to vicious little girls who think they’re smarter than us!”

The forest blurred as she pushed herself harder. Suddenly, the ground dropped away. She skidded to a stop at the edge of a steep drop-off. A wild river roared below, at least ten feet down. Not high enough to kill her if she landed right, but dangerous all the same. She whirled around, gasping, and spotted the men crashing through the brush.

“There she is,” one of them said, voice low and satisfied as they stopped running and stepped forward, leaving only a few feet between them and her. “Our little runner.”

His partner laughed, harsh and ugly. “You gave us a hell of a chase, girl. Killed our brother, too. But you’ve got nowhere else to go. Nobody left to save you.”

She felt sick. They were right. The river behind her, them in front—no escape. They weren’t going to let her off easy. Their eyes burned with rage and something worse.

“You’re gonna scream for us,” one said, stepping forward. “Beg. Plead. We’ll take our time. You’ll wish you never crossed us.”

“Wish those dead freaks ripped you apart,” the other snarled. “But you ain’t gettin’ off that easy.”

Dread coiled in her gut. She wasn’t going back with them. Her knife was in reach, but it wouldn’t be enough. She steadied her hands, rain-soaked wind whipping her hair against her face. She pictured Daryl, reminding her to never give up. To always look for another way out of the fight. Not to accept death if there was a chance of anything else.

“You want me?” she said, voice shaking but resolute. “Want to make me suffer? Then you’re gonna have to find me.” She stepped back. The crumbling edge gave way under her boots. Air rushed by, her stomach dropping, and the next moment, the river swallowed her in icy darkness.

Chapter 30

The shock of the water hit Natalie like a blow to the chest. She plunged into the river, and the current yanked her under, swirling her into chaos. There was no sense of direction. No time to think. She reached out, hoping to grab anything to steady herself, but found only cold rushing water. Its pull was too strong to resist. She kicked hard, struggling toward the surface, yet the current dragged her deeper.

Her head broke into open air for a heartbeat. She sucked in a single, desperate breath before another wave crashed over her. Panic flared in her chest. She flailed, searching with her feet for some sort of foothold, but the river had no mercy. It swept her onward, impossible to fight.

A glimpse of the riverbank flickered past—men stood there, guns in hand. A shot cracked the air, and instinct made her duck. Water swallowed her again. She couldn’t tell where the bullet landed. Fear laced itself through the panic already choking her. They were shooting. All she could do was keep afloat and hope the current took her out of range.

The river swept her into a bend. She slammed against a hidden rock, pain jolting through her ribs. No time to dwell on it. She clawed at the surface, trying to push off the stone, but the flow pulled her deeper again. For a moment, she remembered nearly drowning as a teenager—how Rick had pulled her out and coaxed her breath back, his voice gentle and reassuring. Now, there was nobody to haul her up. She was alone. Another boulder struck her side. She bit back a scream as she felt her skin scrape along the rough surface. The current wouldn’t relent, dragging her limbs even when she fought with everything she had. At last, she surfaced, sputtering, coughing, every breath a battle.

Trees and rocks blurred by as the river tossed her downstream. She tried angling herself with the current, thinking maybe she could reach calmer water. Instead, each stroke seemed to propel her away from safety. Her muscles ached from the effort, and her lungs burned. She caught sight of a branch jutting from the bank. Her fingers latched on, knuckles white with strain. For a breath or two, she hung there, gulping air. The river refused to let go. A sudden surge tore her from the branch, and she was dragged back into the torrent, legs kicking frantically, breath coming in ragged bursts. She couldn’t keep this up much longer.

The current sped up, carrying her into rapids. Water battered her on all sides, slamming her against the rocky riverbed. She scraped her hands on a stone and clung to it, ignoring the sting as she fought to stay at the surface. Inch by inch, she pulled herself toward the bank. When her fingers dug into mud, she dragged her body out, collapsing on the wet ground.

She lay there for what felt like ages, chest heaving, mind spinning. Her arms shook, her legs felt numb, and each breath rattled in her rib cage. But she was alive. Somehow, she had survived.

Eventually, she forced herself to her feet, ribs aching, clothes plastered to her skin. The roar of the river behind her served as a reminder: going back was impossible. The men might still be on the other side, waiting. She had to move. She stumbled away from the water, the forest swallowing her up.

Days and then weeks blurred together as she trekked through woods and deserted back roads, moving slowly. Her clothes were caked in dirt, and she felt hollow from lack of food. Her bruised ribs made every step hurt, a reminder of the jagged rocks and the river tossing her like a ragdoll. She tried to sleep at night, but every noise set her on edge. The snap of a twig, the rustle of leaves—her heart raced each time. She missed having someone beside her. Daryl used to be that person, ever since Shane died. She even found herself missing Rick’s comfort. The quiet and sure way he’d always had of making her feel like everything was going to be okay.

Early one afternoon, she moved silently among the trees. Her knife stayed in her grip, ready for walkers or worse. She spotted a small group of walkers in the distance and kept her distance, edging around them. That was when she heard them. Boots on the dirt. Making noise the way Daryl had always teased her about her own.

She dropped behind a fallen log, pulse hammering. Voices drifted closer, but she couldn’t make out the words. Peering over, she saw three armed men spreading out like they were searching. Fear coiled inside her as one of them looked her way and met her eyes. She inhaled, steeled herself, and made a split-second decision: she charged before they could corner her.

Her knife sliced into the first man’s side as she barreled into him. He gasped in pain, but the other two tackled her. She bucked and kicked, elbowing one in the jaw, but she was too outnumbered. Rough hands twisted her arm, forcing her to drop the knife.

“Got a fighter here,” one kneeled in front of her and muttered. Natalie spat in his face. He slapped her, hard enough to sting.

“Easy, girl,” another voice said, lazy with confidence. He was in her ear. “We ain’t gonna hurt ya if you cooperate. Women are important nowadays. Gotta protect em.”

She glared, panting. “Fuck you.”

He only laughed, yanking her wrists back and tying them with coarse rope. She fought until a blindfold smothered her sight. Her heart thudded in her ears as they hauled her upright. She had no idea where they were leading her. Branches snapped underfoot. She stumbled often, unable to see. They walked for a while—she tried counting steps, but it was useless. They threw her into a vehicle, likely some sort of truck or van by the lack of seat below her. Her head stung as it hit the hard surface below her.

Eventually, they stopped. She heard a gate creak, more voices speaking low, and then they pushed her forward again as they hauled her out of the truck. At last, they came to a halt. Someone yanked off the blindfold, and bright light made her blink. She stood in a place that reminded her of the old world—an infirmary, all white walls and disinfectant smell. A woman who looked about fifty, held a clipboard across the room. She said nothing as a rough hand loosened the rope at Natalie’s wrists. Natalie jerked free, massaging the red marks.

“Let me go,” she snapped, eyes darting for potential exits.

The woman, clearly a doctor, didn’t even flinch. “I need to check you over,” she said, voice calm. “You’re not in any immediate danger here.”

Natalie’s anger flared. “Bullshit,” she shot back.

Hands raised in a soothing gesture, the doctor stepped forward. “I only want to see how badly you’re hurt.” Natalie knew she looked rough but she refused to show any weakness. She hissed in pain when the doctor gently examined the large cut on her arm that she’d bandaged with her dirty shirt when she’d sliced it on glass trying to get into a house a few days before. “Not infected, but it needs proper care,” the doctor murmured. “And you’re clearly dehydrated. Need to get some food in you.”

Natalie stayed silent, glaring at the floor. Sensing she wouldn’t cooperate, the doctor backed off. “You’ll be fine,” she offered, then left.

Moments later, the door opened again. Natalie tensed, expecting one of the men who’d dragged her here. Instead, Merle Dixon strolled in, wearing a cocky grin. He stopped dead at the sight of her, eyes narrowing in shock.

“Well, shit,” he drawled, shaking his head. “They told me they picked up some feral little thing. Never figured it’d be the little deputy herself.”

Something inside Natalie broke. She lunged across the room, wrapping her arms around him before she could think twice. Merle went stiff, clearly thrown off by the hug, but she clung to him for a breath, desperate for the familiarity of any face she knew in this terrifying place. She didn’t care that the impact made her body ache, her ribs still tender. She thought she’d never see a familiar face again. That she’d run away from those men and survived on her own just to end up somewhere worse.

After a moment, he patted her back with his one remaining hand. “Whoa, whoa,” he muttered, actual surprise in his tone. “You sure this ain’t a fever dream? Last time I saw you, you threatened to chop off my hand.” Natalie let out a choked laugh as she sniffed, stepping back. She glanced at his stump, and he lifted it with a half-smirk. “Joke’s on you,” he said quietly.

“Sorry,” she mumbled, emotions overwhelming her. She wiped at her face, clearing her throat. “I’m just… glad to see someone I recognize.”

Merle cocked his head, suspicion in his gaze. “You never liked me much. Why you so happy to see me?”

She sucked in a breath, steadied herself. “It’s Daryl,” she admitted, voice thick. “He never stopped missing you. And he never stopped blaming himself.”

That seemed to hit Merle hard. He studied her for a moment, looking for any hint of a lie. Finding none, he grunted. “Well, damn. You been runnin’ with my little brother?”

Natalie nodded. “Yeah. After Shane died… Daryl was the one who kept me together.”

Merle’s grin faded. “Your brother,” he muttered, his voice losing its usual edge.

She nodded. “Yeah.”

He lowered his head briefly. “Sorry to hear it,” he told her, sounding more genuine than she expected. “He didn’t care for me, but I know you two were close. Know what it’s like to lose your family.” She swallowed hard, the pain of losing Shane still there.

She seemed to remember she’d been dragged her, against her will. Tied and blindfolded. Panic surged in her again. She looked at the door, her eyes wide. “Where are we? T-Those men who took me. You can’t let them-”

“Relax, girl. Aint nobody gonna hurt you. Paulson’s fine, by the way, despite you stickin him pretty good. But I won’t let no one touch ya,” he said, the closest thing to sincere she’d heard from him. “You gotta rest. Doc says you need an IV and sleep.”

“I can’t-” she shook her head.

“You can.”

She studied him. She wasn’t fully sure if she trusted him. But he was Daryl’s older brother. “Can you help me find Daryl and the others?” She asked quietly. He knew how to track. And hunt. Even if it had been weeks, which she thought it might have been, she thought he could do it.

He nodded. “I’ll help you. But you ain’t gonna be no good to anyone if you’re dead on your feet. So do as your told and we can figure out where they are once you’re feelin a bit better.”

She knit her brows, wanting nothing more than to go out there now. To finally have someone who could track was an opportunity. She could take Merle to the town. Back to the house. She was certain they wouldn’t be there. They’d have moved on the way they always moved on. She knew it was a possibility every time they went on a run. It was an agreement. They didn’t risk the group just for one person. And they didn’t wait any longer than necessary. “Okay,” she nodded. “Send her in. I’ll rest,” she sat back on the bed, laying down.

“Good girl,” he said almost condescendingly and it made her want to get up and change her mind. But she also knew he was right. So when the doctor placed the IV in her arm and started to clean her wound, she didn’t fight it. She tried to consider herself lucky that she wasn’t on the road alone anymore. Even if she felt a little like she’d just walked into a cage.

Chapter 31

Natalie woke from the deepest sleep she’d had in weeks, and for a moment, the darkness felt comforting. Then she registered the weight of another body beside her. Adrenaline spiked so fast it made her stomach twist. She shoved herself backward, arms flailing in an effort to find space, only to tumble off the narrow bed. Pain exploded through her bruised torso when she hit the floor, a cry catching in her throat. “Dammit,” she hissed, head spinning. Where was she, and who the hell was in bed with her?

A startled grunt came from the mattress. Someone shot upright, sounding like they were ready to fight. But after a tense beat, they must have realized no threat was lunging at them. She heard the metallic click of a lighter, and a small oil lamp flickered to life. The glow revealed Merle Dixon half out of bed, his stump of an arm on display. He was scanning the dim, cramped room, clearly expecting trouble. Once he saw her sprawled on the floor, though, his expression morphed into exasperation mixed with amusement. “How’d you survive out there alone if you can’t even keep your ass on a comfortable bed?”

Natalie glared up at him, ignoring the throbbing in her side. “Merle?” she rasped, her heartbeat still pounding. She didn’t bother answering his question about survival. The rough floorboards beneath her were cold under her palms. She struggled to collect herself.

Merle gave a low laugh, then propped the lamp on a nearby table. “Yeah, in the flesh. Didn’t think you’d go flyin out of the nest like a baby bird just ’cause I’m lyin here.”

A jolt of realization hit her. The last thing she remembered was the makeshift infirmary, an IV, and a painkiller. Now she was in some dingy bedroom, sporting a shirt she definitely hadn’t owned. A men’s button down that thankfully covered her underwear. “What the fuck am I wearing, Merle?” she blurted, panic stirring in her chest. She yanked at the collar, desperate to cover her bare legs.

“Relax, girl,” he drawled. “I ain’t undress you. Karen next door insisted on cleanin you up when I brought you in. Which was fine by me, ’cause you were filthy. Woulda messed up my sheets.” A suggestive grin tugged at his mouth. “Not that I’d mind if you wanted to give ol’ Merle a peek.”

She felt a flash of anger and revulsion. For a second, she considered throwing something at him, but her ribs screamed in protest when she shifted. “Cut it out,” she muttered. “Where the hell are we?”

He shrugged, stretching as he spoke. “You didn’t wanna be left alone. And I sure as hell wasn’t sleepin in the infirmary. So I brought you to my place.” The rest of the room came into focus: a battered dresser shoved against one wall, a heavily curtained window that barely let in any daylight, and the sour smell of old smoke clinging to everything. Some stray shotgun shells rested on a table near the bed, confirming that this was definitely Merle’s domain. She shivered at the thought of him hauling her in while she was unconscious, but then again, the alternative might’ve been worse.

“And you didn’t think to let me sleep on the couch?” she asked.

He barked a laugh. “Wouldn’t be askin that if you felt the couch. Look, girl, I might be a lotta things, but I ain’t never given it to a girl who didn’t practically beg for it.”

Her stomach lurched at his crude insinuation. “Ew,” she muttered, sitting on the edge of the bed. Her ribs felt like one big bruise.

Merle arched an eyebrow. “How long you plan on sittin’ there, princess?”

She rolled her eyes. “How long have I been out?”

He glanced at the curtained window. “Most of the day. It’s probably about—” He moved aside a corner of the curtain to peek out, “Three or four. So fifteen, sixteen hours, give or take.”

She exhaled, the tightness in her chest easing a bit. That tracked with how bad her exhaustion had been. It’d been so long since she’d slept safely. Her mind flashed to the time when she and Daryl were on good terms, back at that cabin where she felt almost secure, his light breaths coming from below her.

Her stomach growled. She groaned, pressing a hand to it. “Got anything to eat?” she asked, figuring she’d pass out again if she didn’t get some calories soon.

Merle sighed, grabbing the lamp. “Yeah, yeah. C’mon.” He led her out of the cramped bedroom. She followed him down the hall into a small living room and kitchen area. A ragged couch slumped against one wall, and a battered table with mismatched chairs occupied the center. Merle opened a cabinet, rummaging through a modest stash of cans.

“Here,” he said, pulling out a can of meat and a sleeve of crackers. “Lucky you’re so much skinnier than last time I saw you. That’s the good stuff. Don’t give it away to just anyone.” A half-smirk ghosted across his face. “But you look like you been starvin.”

She eased into one of the chairs, acutely aware of the too-big shirt exposing her lean legs. He was right—she had lost weight. Surviving alone on scraps and scavenged goods had chiseled her body down. Prodding her ribs, she realized just how visible they’d become. That might have stung her pride more if she weren’t so hungry.

Thinking about how long she’d been on the road brought a sharp ache to her chest. Atlanta, the CDC, all those nights she’d huddled near Daryl… She swallowed, blinked away the memory. No point in dwelling on that now. Because all it did was bring her pain. She missed him fiercely. And she knew he must be blaming himself. That he probably took sole responsibility for her lack of return. That’s what hurt her the most. She’d tried to keep them safe and she was certain she’d only brought him pain.

“Thanks,” she murmured, popping open the can. The smell was metallic and salty, but it was protein, and that was gold nowadays. She forced herself to split the contents in half. Pushing the rest toward Merle, she gave him a silent nod, half an attempt at gratitude.

“You sure you don’t wanna eat all of it?” he asked, though he didn’t wait for a response before taking his share. Merle grabbed a bottle of water and slid it across the table to her. Then he set about making himself comfortable, propping his feet on another chair like he owned the place—which, she supposed, he did.

For a few moments, they were quiet, the only sound being the scrape of silverware and the soft glug of water as she sipped. Then he cleared his throat, eyes flicking her way with that sly grin. “So you and baby brother, huh? Didn’t figure Daryl had the balls to talk to you,” he said. “Last time I saw him interested in someone was… never. Then we showed up at that camp, you and your brother wavin’ guns in our faces, and I knew he was done for.”

She scowled. “What are you talkin about?”

Merle folded his arms, leaning back in his chair. “How he stared at you, darlin’. Like a deer in headlights whenever you were around. Didn’t you notice that first day at camp? You were ready to shoot me in the head, but Daryl? He couldn’t look away. Might’ve let you kill me, as long as it meant he got to stay near you.”

“Merle,” she began, wanting to shut him down, but he barrelled on.

“Oh, come on,” he said with a rough laugh. “I watched him. Dumbest excuses just to be near you. Got me wonderin’ if he’d ever man up. That’s why I was always flirtin’ with you. Wanted to see if he’d step in.” He gave a wicked grin. “Didn’t think you’d ever bite, though. Always figured you for the straight-laced type. Into the pretty boys.”

Her stomach twisted. The memories of Daryl’s guarded smiles, the times they’d talked by the fire, the way he’d always looked after her even before she’d decided to force him into being her friend. She folded her arms over her chest. “It wasn’t like that,” she muttered, though her voice lacked conviction.

Merle only laughed. “Sure, sure. All I’m sayin’ is he was a goner from day one. Took him a while, but hey, better late than never. Guess that gave him time to step up after big brother left, huh?” He raised his brows suggestively. He let out a small laugh. “My little brother finally let someone in, and it’s you. A good girl who had a brother itchin to string me up. Ain’t that somethin.”

She gripped her forearm tighter, struggling with what to say. “We just…” she began, lifting a shoulder. “We spent a lot of time together, okay? Talkin’, getting to know each other.”

“So you’re telling me you never let him keep you warm on cold nights?” he asked with a loud, mocking laugh. “Nothing better than skin to skin to keep out that winter chill.”

Her cheeks flamed. “It’s not like that,” Natalie repeated, quieter this time. A lump formed in her throat, and she struggled to swallow it. We’re not- She wanted to say “we’re just friends,” but the memory of his kiss, how his fingers clung to her that night that she kissed him, lingered. He’d insisted he didn’t want regrets, but she knew how he felt. “We’re not together,” she said at last.

Merle’s smirk waned, replaced by something strangely understanding. “You don’t gotta explain yourself to me, little deputy.”

The room fell silent. Natalie tried to think of a retort, but her chest felt tight thinking about her feelings for Daryl. Merle, for once, didn’t push. He let her collect herself, leaning back in the chair. Finally, she swallowed hard. “Thanks,” she said, though she wasn’t sure what for. Maybe for giving her a chance to breathe instead of teasing her further.

Merle nodded, standing with a grunt. “I’m gonna try to get back to bed. Curfew ends at sun up, so we can take a tour. Governor wants to meet you, so we’ll have to stop and say hi,” He told her.

“The Governor?” She frowned. What kind of place was this? Was it really the actual governor of Georgia? Had Merle stumbled on some political safe zone?

He nodded. “Runs this place. He’ll wanna talk to you. Find out what you’re about. I vouched for you and promised to keep you from killin anyone, or stabbin anyone else, so you’ll want to resist that particular urge,” he said, making her remember that she’d stabbed one of the men in the forest.

“Well as long as no one tries to attack me, we should be a-okay,” she narrowed her eyes.

“Way I heard it, you attacked first,” he shrugged. “But hey, I wasn’t there,” he added with his hands in mock surrender.

She supposed that wasn’t wrong. She vaguely remembered the instinct. As soon as the man’s eyes caught hers, she sprinted toward them. Her instincts told her they were danger. And she was done running from danger. Done reacting instead of acting. Plus, she knew she’d been so tired and hungry she never could have outrun them. “I might lie down,” she said softly, glancing toward the door that led back to the bedroom.

He let out a short laugh. “Couch is all yours if you want it. But the bed’s better on your bruises, whether you like me bein’ in there or not. Your call, girl.”

“I’ll take the couch,” she insisted. Even if it was lumpy, it was better than the ground she’d been sleeping on.

He shrugged, took a last swig of water, then wandered toward the bedroom. “Suit yourself. But don’t say I didn’t warn ya about that couch.”

Natalie waited until he was gone, the lamp’s glow following him, leaving her in relative darkness. She exhaled slowly, trying to center herself. Merle’s words about Daryl echoed in her head, and she couldn’t deny they burned. Maybe he was right. Maybe Daryl had felt something for her long before she ever understood it herself.

She mustered the energy to stand and shuffle toward the couch. As she sat, she pinched the bridge of her nose, letting her thoughts drift to Daryl for just a second longer. She missed him. But if Merle really was on her side, even for his own reasons, maybe she stood a chance of finding him again. With a final glance at the bedroom door, she pulled the oversized shirt over her knees and let her eyes shut, willing her mind to quiet. A blanket landed on her roughly, and she heard Merle’s laugh from across the room as she realized he’d thrown it to her. She spread it over herself, thankful for the warmth and modesty, once again wondering if she’d misjudged both Dixon brothers back at the camp.

Notes:

Thank you for the kind words 🫶🏻 It's appreciated. It definitely feels good to dive back into this story. My updates might not be as frequent as they were (I've had these chapters partially written for a while) but I will do my best to keep up as often as I'm able.

Chapter 32

When Natalie woke again, her body protested every movement. Merle hadn’t been wrong about the couch. But it didn’t mean she would be spending any time in his bed. She’d wake up feeling like this every morning if she had to. But hopefully it wouldn’t be too long. She wanted to get back to the others. And having Merle, along with an anchor point for her search meant she had a chance.

Merle was already up, leaning casually against the counter with a mug in his hand. He smirked at her as she groaned, stretching her arms. “How’s that luxury couch treatin ya? Miss my bed yet?”

Natalie rolled her eyes, forcing an obviously fake smile. “Felt like I was at the four seasons.”

“Sure, sure,” he drawled. “Diane stopped by earlier. Left you some clothes.” He nodded toward a neatly folded pile on the table. “Oh, and there’s hot water if you wanna shower. You’re welcome.”

Her eyebrows shot up. “Hot water?” It was like she’d been told she’d won the lottery. Hot water was a commodity she didn’t think she’d ever have again.

He grinned at her reaction. “Yeah, but don’t go wastin’ it all.”

She almost forgot about her doubts about this place at the mention of a shower. It had been so long since she’d felt truly clean. The idea of hot running water and clothes that didn’t smell like weeks on the road felt like a luxury long gone. Natalie didn’t waste time. She grabbed the bundle of clothes and disappeared into the bathroom. Closing the door behind her, she stripped off Merle’s shirt and stepped into the shower. The warm water hit her, easing the tension in her shoulders and washing away layers of grime she hadn’t even realized were there anymore. She scrubbed at her skin until it was raw, ran shampoo through her hair twice, and stood under the spray longer than she probably should have, letting herself savor the feeling. It was better than that first shower at the CDC.

When she emerged, dressed and towel drying her hair, she felt like a new person. For the first time in weeks, her skin smelled like soap instead of sweat and blood and the dead. She brushed her hair and stepped back into the main room, feeling more human than she had in weeks.

Merle looked her over with an appreciative whistle. “You clean up nice, deputy,” he said, his grin as shameless as ever.

Natalie caught the way his eyes roamed, and she narrowed hers in return. “Merle, my eyes are up here.”

He shrugged with a laugh. “Just admirin the view, darlin’. You know, if you’re missin Daryl, I’m not a bad substitute.”

She shook her head, irritation bubbling. She didn’t want to talk about Daryl. Or missing Daryl. And she damn sure didn’t want to find any comfort in Merle’s arms. “Already told you it wasn’t like that.” She pushed past him, grabbing her boots. “You gonna show me around today, or you just tryin to piss me off until I leave town?”

“Calm down. I’ll show you around,” he said, grabbing his own jacket. “But first, we gotta go see the Governor.”

At that, her fingers faltered on the laces of her boots. “The Governor,” she repeated, her tone careful. She wasn’t eager to meet a man who gave himself a title like that, but she needed to understand this place. Its power dynamics, its rules, and whether it was truly safe. Her gut already told her no. The way the men had spoken to her when they’d found her, like protecting her was an afterthought to their real intentions, had been enough to make her think this place was not the haven it might pretend to be. Still, it was better than the open road. And she just had to last long enough to find Daryl and the others. She stood, smoothing her tank top. “Okay. Let’s go see the Governor.”

The streets of Woodbury were busy. People passed by, most seeming to be doing a job. Moving supplies, working on things. It was like everyone was contributing to making the town better. Maybe the entire town wasn’t bad. Natalie took it all in with cautious interest, noting the people on the walls at the edges of the settlement and the way some people glanced at her, curiosity flickering in their expressions. She could understand the interest, or even weariness if they knew what had happened in the forest with her and that man.

Merle led her through the main street, nodding at a few people in passing. “Pretty impressive, huh?” he said, gesturing around. “Got a real setup here. Walls, food, even a doc, as you know. Sure beats eatin’ squirrels in the woods.”

Natalie hummed noncommittally, her eyes scanning every detail. She wasn’t ready to buy into the charm. And the benefit to eating squirrels in the woods was she’d liked the company. “How’d you end up here?” she asked, keeping her tone conversational. He hadn’t told her. And she was curious what kept him here when he could be on the road looking for Daryl.

Merle glanced at her, his grin widening. “Found me bleedin’ out in Atlanta. Took me in. Patched me up, gave me a purpose. Ain’t a bad deal.”

Her stomach tightened at the mention of Atlanta. She nodded, keeping her expression neutral. “And you trust him?”

Merle’s grin faltered for half a second before returning. “Let’s just say I know how to play my cards here. And so should you.” His casual warning hung in the air, but before Natalie could press him, they arrived at a large building near the center of town. Merle opened the door, gesturing for her to step inside. “C’mon. Time to meet the boss.”

Merle walked ahead, his usual swagger in full effect. He glanced back over his shoulder. “Remember, darlin, play nice,” he said with a grin. “The Governor don’t take kindly to troublemakers.”

She rolled her eyes, her expression tight. “I don’t plan on causin trouble.”

Merle smirked. “Just keep that mouth of yours in check. We both know you got a temper.” He walked through a door, disappearing for several minutes before opening it and waiting for her to step through.

The Governor leaned on a desk, dressed neatly in a button-down shirt with the sleeves rolled up. He looked disarmingly calm, his smile warm and inviting. “Natalie, is it?” he said, extending a hand as he stood straight.

She hesitated but took it, her grip firm. “Yeah,” she replied.

He gestured for her to sit in a chair across from his desk. “Welcome to Woodbury,” he said smoothly, settling into his own seat. “You’ve had quite the journey, I hear.”

She nodded, keeping her expression neutral. “I’d imagine everyone here’s had quite the journey.”

The Governor leaned back, studying her in a way that made her skin crawl. She couldn’t turn off the alarms in her head at this man. So put together. So outwardly warm. Too much so. “A young woman, all alone out there. That’s no small feat. You’ve got to be resourceful to survive. Smart. Tough.”

She shrugged. “I did what I had to.” She didn’t want to give him any information. Nothing more than she had to.

His smile widened, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “Merle tells me your brother was a cop. I’d imagine he must have made sure you know how to take care of yourself.”

She glanced at Merle. She didn’t like the idea that this governor knew more about her than she knew. He just gave her a small shrug. As if to emphasize the point he’d made earlier about playing his cards right. She turned back to the governor. “If you put a gun in my hands, you won’t regret it,” she said, her tone even. She kept her gaze locked on his, refusing to show any weakness.

He chuckled, leaning forward slightly. “Confidence. I like that. But you’ll understand if I don’t want to just put a gun in the hands of a stranger. Diane might need help organizing rations for now.”

Her stomach twisted. She could see the move for what it was. He was reminding her who held the power here. She forced herself to nod, keeping her voice polite. “Of course. Happy to help however I can. Until I head out.”

His eyebrows lifted. This was a surprise to him. “Head out?”

She folded her hands in her lap, feigning calm. “I’ve got people out there. Don’t plan on stayin longer than I need to.”

The Governor glanced at Merle, who stood watching from the wall with his usual smirk. “Ah, yes. The same group that left you and Merle behind,” he said, his voice taking on a faint edge.

She narrowed her eyes before catching herself, chewing at her cheek. Trying not to lose her cool. “I wasn’t left behind. I got separated.”

“But they didn’t come find you. From what I hear, Merle’s brother is quite the tracker. I’d have thought he’d find you if they were looking for you.”

She took a breath. She knew what he was doing. He was polite. His tone was warm and kind. Fatherly even. But his words were meant to cut her. To make her doubt herself. To make her doubt her faith in her group. But she knew she wasn’t just left behind. It was the deal they’d made. She knew the danger every time she and Daryl went on a run. That if something happened, the group couldn’t wait around. They couldn’t do what they did for Sophia. Because they weren’t children. And they couldn’t risk the group for one or two of them, no matter what they wanted. “I have to look for them.”

He tilted his head, studying her like she was a puzzle he couldn’t quite solve. “It’s a dangerous world out there, Natalie. Especially for a woman alone. Not just from the biters. There’s dangerous men out there. Men who’d hurt you given the chance.” The way he said it made her stomach turn. Was he one of those men?

“I’m not afraid of men,” she said, her tone just shy of defiant. “Livin or dead.” She held his gaze, waiting to see if he’d react. She might not be outwardly hostile, but she wasn’t going to let this man think he could make her nervous.

His eyes narrowed slightly, a challenge passing between them. And then his face was calm again, the hint of a smile. “Well, let’s hope you won’t need to prove that again. Paulson still isn’t thrilled about what happened out there.”

Her jaw tightened, but she kept her expression neutral. “I thought I was defendin myself. Guess I was wrong. But like you said, it’s a dangerous world. Maybe if your men weren’t out lookin like GI Joe rejects, I wouldn’t have assumed the worst.”

Merle let out a sharp laugh from the wall, breaking the tension. “Told ya she’s got some fire in her,” he said, grinning.

The Governor’s gaze lingered on Natalie for a moment longer before he smiled again, all charm and ease. “Well, I hope you’ll decide to hang around. We could use some fire to keep this place safe. For now, get yourself settled. We’ll talk more soon.”

Natalie stepped out of the building, relief washing over her now that the meeting was done. That man was dangerous, she knew. But not outright, which meant maybe Merle was right. Maybe she just needed to play her cards right. She barely made it halfway down the steps before a familiar voice stopped her in her tracks.

“Natalie?”

Her head snapped up, and her heart nearly stopped. Graham stood a few feet away, his face a mixture of shock and disbelief. He looked exactly as she remembered. Messy brown hair, sharp features, and that same easy smile that had once made her feel safe. “Graham?” she whispered, her voice barely audible.

Before she could process what was happening, he closed the distance between them, wrapping her in a tight hug. She stood frozen, her mind racing. This shouldn’t be unfamiliar. But it was strange now. He pulled back just enough to cup her face in his hands, his eyes searching hers. “I thought you were dead,” he said, his voice breaking slightly. Then, without warning, he leaned in and kissed her. The kiss was familiar, soft, and full of relief, but she couldn’t bring herself to respond. There was too much for her to comprehend. The last person she’d kissed was Daryl. He was the only person she’d thought about kissing since all of this happened.

When he finally pulled back, he looked at her with a grin despite his watery eyes. “I can’t believe it’s really you.”

Behind her, Merle scoffed. “Knew you were into pretty boys,” he muttered, shaking his head.

Natalie’s cheeks flushed, but she ignored him, her eyes still on Graham. “What… What are you doing here? I thought you were in Atlanta when-” She stopped, shaking her head. She’d mourned him. She’d known he was dead. But here he was. Alive and well.

“I could ask you the same thing,” Graham replied, his smile faltering slightly. “You’ve been out there this whole time,” he frowned, seeming amazed.

Merle clapped a hand on her shoulder, steering her away. “Hate to break up the reunion, but she’s got places to be. And you’ve got a meeting with the Governor,” he said, his tone light but firm. He gave Graham a look that she understood meant something she didn’t know about. “You two can catch up later.”

Graham glanced between them, his eyes settling on Merle’s hand on her shoulder. “Right. Yeah. We’ll talk later.”

Natalie nodded. Her head was spinning. Merle’s voice broke through her thoughts. “So, that’s the ex, huh?”

“Yeah,” she ran a hand through her hair, still staring at the door Graham had just walked through. The one she’d just come out of. She let out a long breath, turning back to follow Merle. She didn’t even want to think about it right now. It was too much. Losing Daryl and the others. Finding Merle. And now Graham. Her distrust of this place and the governor. It was just too much. Her life had just gotten way more complicated, and she wasn’t ready to deal with it. “Come on. Let’s finish the tour,” she insisted.

Notes:

As always, thank you for reading! 💕 Happy New Years! I hope 2025 is wonderful to all of you!

Chapter 33

They continued their walk through Woodbury, but Natalie was still reeling from seeing Graham. She couldn’t shake the image of his smile and the way he had kissed her so suddenly. She turned to Merle. “So how long has he been here?” She asked quietly. She didn’t like asking for help. And asking it of Merle, even in the form of information, felt foreign and wrong to her. Especially when he’d already helped her. She owed him, and the favors kept piling up.

“Pretty boy?” He looked at her, a moment of confusion before she nodded. “Been here since about the beginning. He was with a group that survived the refugee camp. Governor likes him around because he’s easy on the eyes. Women trust him.” Natalie nodded in slow agreement, knowing that was probably true. She’d liked him instantly when she’d met him four months before the world fell apart. She’d fallen into his arms and his bed quickly, thinking she’d finally found someone she loved. Someone who wouldn’t hurt her. He’d always just been so warm and kind and comforting. But now seeing him aligned with the Governor didn’t sit right with her.

She pressed further. “But you don’t like him,” she said. It wasn’t a question. She could tell by the way he looked at him. And she was pretty sure it went beyond her loyalties to Daryl.

Merle shook his head, feigning ignorance. “I didn’t say that.”

“You didn’t have to,” she retorted, her voice low. Merle didn’t like him or he didn’t trust him, and she had to wonder if it was because Merle was aligned closely with the governor or if Graham was. And despite the relief that flooded her that he was alive and well and here, her gut told her it wasn’t the answer she wanted. That she couldn’t trust him the way she wanted to. That him being in her life before didn’t mean he was the same anymore. She certainly wasn’t. She’d done things she couldn’t have imagined before.

He shrugged with a laugh. “Don’t matter much what I feel, does it?” Natalie frowned, and they stared at each other for a beat before he sighed. “Just watch yourself around him.”

She thought for a moment, raising a brow. “I know him better than I know you,” she reminded him. Technically that was very true. But she also had a pretty good idea of who Merle was. And she knew who he was after the end of the world. He was someone who took care of himself. And his brother. And apparently that courtesy extended to her. Who someone became was what mattered now. Not who someone was before it all.

Merle stopped walking and turned to face her, his grin softening into something almost sincere. “Watch yourself around me too, darlin’.” His eyes held a flicker of warning beneath the teasing veneer. “We all gotta watch our backs here. And ain’t no one taking care of ol Merle like Merle.”

Natalie frowned but decided not to argue further. “I get it,” she said quietly, her gaze fixed ahead. It was his way of telling her that even though he was familiar, and even though they had this thing because of Daryl, he was not going to risk himself or his place for her.

The next morning, she’d woken up alone in her new apartment. It was strange. Aside from those few weeks on the road, she hadn’t slept alone in almost a year. And she barely counted those weeks because her sleep was more like naps, just enough to keep her able to move. She looked around, taking in the modest space they’d arranged for her. The room was small but functional, with a single bed pushed against one wall, a compact kitchenette in the corner, and a window that overlooked the main street of Woodbury. Natalie let out a sigh as her eyes scanned the room again. It was nice. It wasn't luxurious, but it was a place where she could gather her thoughts and plan her next moves. But the quiet hum of activity outside the window was unnerving. She wasn’t used to noise outside. For the last several months on the road, noise had meant danger. Potential death. It left her feeling unsettled.

Merle had showed up shortly after sunrise, bringing her coffee, much to her delight. It had been enough for her to forgive him walking straight in like he owned the place. She cradled the mug in her hands, taking in the warmth and the smell. If she closed her eyes, things felt almost normal. “You gonna stand there all day, or you wanna get to work?”

She opened her eyes, feeling silly. “Right,” she nodded.

“You do still wanna find em, right? Your boyfriend showin up didn’t change your mind?”

She huffed out a laugh, but it felt hollow. “He’s not my boyfriend. Not anymore,” she shook her head. She wasn’t sure what he was. Or would be. But she knew she didn’t have room in her heart for anything new. Not while she couldn’t keep Daryl out of her head for more than a couple days. Not while she was worried every day about Carl. Maggie and Glenn. Her niece or nephew. Hell, she even hoped Rick was still alright. The group would need everyone they had to keep them safe. And Daryl would need someone. Someone who could help him understand it wasn’t on him. And whatever she felt about Rick, he’d always had the right words to make people feel better. “I want to find them more than anything,” she told him.

Merle nodded and pushed off the doorway, sitting down at her small kitchen table. He pulled out a map, unfolding it and smoothing it out. It was creased and faded in some places, but it was better than nothing. “Now, where’d you last see ‘em?”

Natalie hesitated, her brow furrowing as she stared at the map. She felt a sharp pang of frustration as she tried to remember. “I- I don’t know exactly,” she admitted bitterly. “We didn’t plan where we were going. I didn’t even care. I was too pissed at Daryl to pay attention,” She admitted before even realizing what she’d said. She hadn’t told Merle about her fight with Daryl. And she didn’t want to.

Merle snorted, leaning over the map with one hand braced on the table. “Sounds about right. So what do you remember, huh? What’d the place look like? Any landmarks?”

She exhaled slowly, pinching the bridge of her nose. “It was just a house. The town was small, probably about 10 miles. It took a while to get there, but the road had a lot of abandoned cars and walkers, so I think the timing was deceptive.” She paused, rubbing her temples. “God, I should’ve paid more attention.”

Merle shook his head, his tone almost pitying. “Well, lucky for you, my brother’s got a pattern. Ain’t too hard to figure out where he’d go, even if you weren’t takin’ notes. Let’s narrow it down. You said you were at a camp before. Can you point that out?”

They spent the next several hours tracing routes on the map, Merle pointing out areas he knew Daryl would avoid and paths he’d likely take. Natalie leaned in, following his logic, but it still felt like trying to put together a puzzle without all the pieces. “I don’t even know how far we got,” she muttered, her voice tinged with frustration. “I wasn’t exactly keepin track of miles.”

Merle straightened, crossing his arms over his chest. “Relax, girl. We’ll figure it out. I know you said you were tryin to hit the coast, but that you kept gettin turned around. So it’s likely they didn’t get too much further.” He tapped a spot on the map. “Tell you what. We can check out a few places nearby tomorrow.”

“Is the Governor going to let you off leash to take me?” She gave him a look. She didn’t think the Governor would agree to Merle taking her out and about. Not yet. He didn’t trust her.

“Aint got no leash on me, darlin. You watch yourself,” he said, irritated.

She shrugged, sipping her coffee. She knew pissing off Merle was a fine line to walk. He clearly wasn’t high anymore the way he’d been at camp. And that certainly softened him. But he was not a man who liked to be told what to do. And her implication was crossing a line. But she wanted him to be willing to go against the Governor. To help her. Maybe they could both leave and find Daryl and find somewhere to settle with the group. Somewhere that wasn’t here.

A sharp knock at the door cut him off. Natalie flinched, her head snapping up. Her heart raced before she realized it wasn’t danger. It was someone at her door. Merle raised an eyebrow, a sly smirk creeping onto his face. “Guessin that’s your boyfriend,” he said, his tone teasing.

Natalie opened her mouth to respond, but Merle was already moving toward the door. He opened it and leaned against the frame, peering out before stepping aside. “Well, if it ain’t Romeo,” he said, grinning as Graham appeared in the doorway. “Guess I’ll leave you two lovebirds alone.” He turned to Natalie, giving her a look that echoed their earlier conversation. Watch yourself. Then, without another word, he left, closing the door behind him.

Graham stood awkwardly for a moment, his hands shoved into his pockets. “Hey,” he said, his voice quieter than usual. “Can I come in?”

Natalie nodded, gesturing for him to step further inside. She felt guilty. Like she should have sought him out last night. Or this morning instead of spending her time cooped up with Merle. But if she was being honest with herself, she’d let him go months ago. She was glad he wasn’t dead, but he wasn’t on her mind the way the others were. They were her priority.

He noticed the map on the table and frowned, stepping closer before his eyes flicked up to hers again. “So you and Merle seem close.” There was an air of accusation in it, which made her narrow her eyes defensively.

She folded her arms across her chest. “I’m tryin to find my group. Merle’s helpin. They were his group too once upon a time. His brother is still with em,” she told him.

His frown deepened. “You’re planning to leave?”

“I have to,” she said simply. “I need to find them. I don’t even know if they’re okay.” There was so much more, but she couldn’t tell him that. Not when he was looking at her this way. Like she’d hurt him. Like she’d betrayed him with those words.

Graham shook his head. “Natalie, you just got here. I just got you back. And now you’re talking about leaving?”

His words caught her off guard, and she stared at him for a long moment, unsure how to respond. The weight of what he was saying settled in her chest, but it didn’t feel right. He didn’t have her back. Not really. It was strange. His voice and presence was comforting. But their relationship from before felt like it belonged to different people. But she couldn’t say any of that. Instead, she took a steadying breath and said, “I have to find them, Graham. They’re my family.”

He hesitated, his brow softening at the mention of her family. “Shane?”

Her chest tightened further, but she shook her head. “No. Not Shane,” she took a steadying breath because talking about it with someone who knew him was so much harder. She’d been able to tell Merle because Merle didn’t like Shane. He hadn’t known him before. Hadn’t spent time and cared about him. But Graham had. And the look he gave her when she’d said no was enough to break down her walls.

He pulled her against him, rubbing her back as he told her how sorry he was. She believed that. Shane and Graham had gotten along. They’d both taken care of her after Rick had been shot. His warmth was familiar. Wrapped up in him, she cried for the first time in a long time. Really cried. Even though she felt guilty, because she wasn’t just crying for her brother. She was crying for the loss of her group. For the loss of Daryl. And for the guilt she felt in letting Graham comfort her when he had no idea what was truly on her mind.

“You want to tell me what happened?” He asked softly when she pulled back, rubbing the tears from her cheeks. She knew she couldn’t stay in his arms. Give him hope that she was the person she was. That things could be more between them. She might not be in love with him, but she still cared about him. He’d seen her at one of the worst times in her life, after Rick was shot. But now she understood the difference. Between the comfort he’d provided, and the safety and home she’d felt with Daryl after losing Shane.

Natalie hesitated, but she could see he wasn’t asking for the Governor. He was asking for her. She owed him at least this much. Slowly, she sat down, her fingers tracing the edge of her shorts. Then, slowly, she began to tell him. About Atlanta. Rick coming back. The CDC. The farm. Losing so many people. Losing her brother. It was cathartic to talk about it all. But she couldn’t talk about Daryl. She couldn’t tell him how she’d laid awake at night talking to him, even on nights he didn’t talk back. How he’d never left her, even when she’d been angry and mean. How somehow she’d found the person she didn’t want to live without. She wasn’t sure if she left that out for herself or Graham. She just knew she didn’t want to give that piece away.

By the time she finished, she felt lighter, even if she was sad. Graham was quiet for a long moment, his gaze fixed on her. “You’ve been through a lot,” he said finally, his voice soft. “More than I can even imagine.”

She nodded, her throat tight. “Yeah. I guess I have.”

“I still can’t believe you survived out there all alone. For weeks. I mean, we had 20 of us when we left Atlanta. And when the Governor found us, we only had 6 left. And you somehow did it alone,” he looked impressed but also almost worried. Maybe he was catching on that she wasn’t the same woman he’d fallen for.

“We’d been on the road for months. I learned how to survive,” she told him quietly. “In the beginning, it wasn’t like that. At some point, I guess I had to let go of the past and learn to live in the world that existed. Do things I never thought I could,” she said. She pursed her lips, unsure if he even knew what she meant. He’d been behind walls for months.

But he nodded, looking away from her. “Yeah, I get that,” he said. She wondered if he did. What had he had to do from the safety of these walls? What sacrifices had he had to make? “What I don’t get though,” he started. “Is why you want to go back to that group in the first place. I mean, Rick killed your brother. You hate him-” she started to respond but he put his hands up. “Look, I get it. I think it’s pretty well earned. I mean, they were like brothers and he killed him. You should hate him.” He paused and she stopped herself from defending Rick.

She didn’t even know where the urge came from. Just instinct maybe. She’d spent so much time saying she hated him for the better part of a year, but nobody in the group had ever told her she should. That she was right. Hearing him say it, so viscerally, she wanted to tell him it wasn’t like that. That Rick wasn’t a murderer. That it hadn’t been in cold blood. But she didn’t. And she wasn’t sure if it was because she couldn’t say those words or if it was because she thought he wouldn’t understand.

“Why would you want to go back to a group with people you hate? With people who left you?” He reached out and grabbed her hands. “Nat, you’re safe here. Woodbury is thriving. Growing every day. Getting safer every day. You could stay. We could figure out things between us. Hell, maybe even be happy here.”

She shook her head. That wasn’t real. “They’re my family. Hate or love them, they’re part of me,” she frowned. She took a deep breath. “You really think this place is safe? That the Governor can keep it that way?”

He nodded. “Of course. Nat, he told me he thinks you might have gotten off on the wrong foot. That he might have upset you. But I’m telling you. He’s a good man. He’ll take care of you if you just let him. If you let me,” he said softly.

Her heart battered against her chest. Because he’d either lied to her or he really believed the governor was a good man. And both options told her what she’d hoped they wouldn’t. That Merle was right. And that she needed to watch herself around him. Because liars were dangerous but naivety got people killed. And she sure as hell didn’t plan on getting killed before she found her family.

Notes:

Here's a surprise second chapter 💕

Chapter 34

It had been almost two weeks since her arrival at Woodbury. And every day Graham brought her coffee in the morning and walked with her to the garage where they kept the rations. She couldn’t deny it was nice, walking with him. Almost pretending things were normal. Coffee in the morning had been their thing when they’d started dating. And she’d be a fool to think he didn’t take it to mean something. And each morning when they reached the garage and she was set to help Diane, she reminded him that she wasn’t staying and that she wasn’t the same woman he’d fallen for.

She wasn’t unaware of the fact that he probably had given the Governor information on her. Even Merle had. Which meant she was careful with her words. But vocal about wanting to search for her group. Vocal enough to threaten to leave for good after 9 days of being told it wasn’t possible.

“He wants to keep you safe, Nat. Civilians aren’t allowed outside the walls,” Graham told her.

One side of her face drew up in an annoyed frown. “Civilian? Who the fuck do you think you are, Graham? You were a fucking accountant before all this. And now you wanna act like you’re what- military?” She quirked an annoyed brow.

“You know that’s not what I meant,” he sighed and shook his head.

“No I don’t actually. You know, you do this thing where you’re sweet and you bring me coffee and walk with me like you think we’re a couple still. And then you want to patronize me and tell me I’m some civilian who can’t go outside the walls,” She felt like she was going to snap. “I spent seven months outside the fuckin walls, Graham! How many nights have you spent out there alone? How many times have you had to move at a moment’s notice? How many people have you seen the inside of after those things got to em? And I’m the civilian?”

“Nat, people are staring,” he said, trying to get her to lower her voice. He looked around them.

“Oh is your unhinged ex girlfriend embarrassin you now?” She threw her arms out.

“Nat, this isn’t-” he stepped closer to her but she stopped, pushing him back.

“No Graham! You tell the Governor I’m done! I’m gone! I’m tired of sittin here pretendin I’m buildin somethin when the only thing I want is to find my group,” she stomped off toward her apartment, deciding she was just going to pack her shit and leave. She could take her chances on the road. She’d been patient, knowing there was some truth in her needing to rest and heal up and regain some strength. But she felt physically better than she had even before she got separated from the group. There was nothing keeping her from looking for them except the Governor and she wasn’t his charge.

She was throwing clothes in her bag furiously when the knock came at her door. She swung it open with force. “I already told you-” She stopped when she realized it was the Governor, not Graham on her doorstep. “I thought you were Graham,” she said, as if to explain why she’d been yelling.

“I think he’ll be steering clear of you for a few hours at least,” he said, an almost friendly smile on his face. He didn’t wait for an invitation to enter her place, which she supposed he didn’t have to, but she knew why. Again, he was all about power. Showing her who had it. Reminding her that it wasn’t her. “I think you scared half the town,” he chuckled.

“If a little yellin scares your people, you’re gonna have a hell of a time if somethin or someone gets beyond the walls, don’t you think?” She crossed her arms. “And it doesn’t matter. I’m leavin. I’m sure your people will be glad to be rid of me,” she added.

“Well now that’s not true,” he assured her. “Diane’s fond of you. And Karen. Merle. Graham,” he said, as if Graham would keep her there. She wondered if he thought that was true. Maybe if she didn’t still have her group out there, didn’t have Daryl out there, it would be. She still cared about him. As a friend. As someone she used to love. But not in the way he seemed to still care for her. She wished she could. That she didn’t have this messy thing with Daryl. Because it would be easy to fall back into his comfort. To stay behind the walls and hope everything worked out. But she couldn’t imagine that now. The idea of forgetting what it was like out there. How hard you had to fight to stay alive.

“I told you before that I have family out there. And I won’t leave them.”

“Even if they left you,” he said, as if to remind her that she was left behind. That she was a silly girl for trying to hard to get back to them.

She ground her teeth to keep from balling her hands into fists. “Told you before. I wasn’t left. I got separated. But it doesn’t matter. I’m still not gonna stop lookin till I find them.”

The governor stared at her for a beat before putting his hands on his hips and sighing, his face softening. “You know, I think tomorrow would be a good day to let us take you out. We’re going on a run. Abandoned town. I’d like to see what you can do. Could take a look around for any sign of your group. I’m a reasonable man, Natalie. I want you to find your people. But I want you to be safe too.”

“Why?” She asked, tilting her head. The question caught him off guard. “Why do you care about keepin me safe? I’ve stabbed one of your men. Scared your people by havin an argument with someone in public. So why do you care about keepin me safe?”

She saw it. That glimpse of anger. The one she knew was right under the surface. But in a flash it was gone again. “You mean something to Graham. And Merle. And I think given time, you could be a useful member of our community. I’m assuming you’re good in a fight, considering how you handled my men in the forest. I mean, look at you. They should have brought you in without issue. But you made them fight.”

“But you don’t trust me,” she told him.

He shrugged. “I think if you give me a reason to, I will. You don’t trust me either. I can tell,” he said it casually. “Anyway, I think we can learn to compromise, don’t you? I’ll let you come out tomorrow morning. Make sure you can handle yourself with just a small group. That you won’t be a liability. That you can follow direction. And we’ll set up a weekly search if that’s what you want.”

“Weekly?” She asked. She didn’t want weekly. She wanted to be out there every day. But she also didn’t want to argue if he was making her an offer. This was a start. And maybe, if she learned to control her temper and her facial expressions, she could get more. She could make him trust her.

“Well I can’t send men out there every day. I could use Graham and Merle and the others here. Me letting them go out there with you is a compromise. When we can spare it. I can’t promise every week.”

“But you won’t let me go alone?” She asked.

“I don’t condone anyone going outside these walls alone. Everyone needs someone to watch their back.” She knew that was a fair answer. But she also knew that wasn’t why. She was pretty sure he worried if she found her group, she’d bring them here. They could take over. He didn’t want any issues.

“Fine. I’ll take what I can get,” she said. He stared at her and she forced herself to take a breath and add “Thank you.” He nodded and left her alone.

Natalie tossed and turned through the night, her mind racing with the Governor’s sudden change of heart. She couldn’t shake the notion that it was part of some larger plan. Something she wasn’t seeing. He didn’t want to trust her. Maybe he did want her to trust him. Maybe this was the game. By dawn, she’d barely slept at all. Still, she got up, dressed, and grabbed what she could carry. There was no point in wasting a chance to get beyond the walls again.

She arrived at Woodbury’s main gate to find the small group already assembled: the Governor wearing his usual disarming smile, Martinez standing off to the side inspecting a rifle, Merle leaning against a truck with a bored scowl, and Graham shifting from foot to foot like he wanted to approach her but didn’t know how. She took a steadying breath, reminding herself to keep things civil. Merle’s words echoed in her head. Play it safe, don’t provoke the Governor, or she might lose her one shot at searching for her group again.

“Morning,” the Governor said, turning his gaze on her with a look of polite concern. “Hope you slept well. Ready?”

She nodded, ignoring the heaviness of her eyelids. “Yeah. Let’s get going.”

Merle shot her a brief sideways look that seemed to say, keep your head. Graham, hovering nearby, gave her a timid smile, still clearly uneasy since their argument two days before. She forced a small nod in his direction, feeling a bit guilty for yelling at him. She knew her temper got the best of her sometimes. And each day without a clue as to where her group could be set her teeth on edge.

They piled in to a large pickup truck. Natalie hesitated a second before climbing into the middle between Merle and Graham. It was odd, like her old and new lives were colliding in a way that made her uncomfortable. She steeled herself, gaze locked on the broken road lined with abandoned cars and bodies. Eventually they arrived at a block of shops and offices covered with weeds and broken glass. The Governor cut the engine. “Let’s split up,” he suggested, stepping out. “Martinez, check the east side. Merle, see that corner store? You and Graham handle that. Natalie, you’re with me. We’ll take the main building. If we move fast, we can sweep it all before midday.”

Natalie’s pulse quickened. She disliked the idea of separating, especially from Merle who was the only one here she knew was on her side. But she had to listen. That was what he wanted. To know she could listen to orders. To learn to trust him. And she was going to convince him. She shot a glance at Merle, who gave a subtle shrug. She knew what he was saying. Play it safe. She nodded and followed the Governor across a crumbling walkway toward the larger office complex.

The Governor led her through a maze of cubicles and narrow halls, occasionally pausing to rummage through half-toppled cabinets. Twice, she thought she heard shuffling behind them, but each time they found only an empty corridor or vacant room. She tried not to let her guard down. This place felt too still. Suddenly, a low moan echoed from deeper in the building. The Governor, looking vaguely concerned, gestured for her to check an adjacent hall while he inspected a side room. “I’ll meet you in a minute,” he said quietly. Then he vanished around a corner.

She opened her mouth to protest but stopped. She gripped her knife, pushing through a half-ajar door. Beyond it, the corridor turned pitch dark aside from her flashlight. Then the door behind her slammed shut. She heard muffled cursing from the Governor on the other side as something heavy toppled. He grunted and yelled and more crashes as she tried to open the door. But it wouldn’t budge. Then everything went silent and he was right on the other side of the door, telling her she’d have to find another way out. That the door was jammed.

She narrowed her eyes, wondering what the play was here. But she continued on, deciding the only way through was forward. Her heartbeat thundered against her ribs as she inched forward. A walker lurched from a side office, snapping its jaws. She drove her knife into its skull with a grunt, shaken by the initial shock, but feeling fine. Except that noise must have attracted more. Three, four, five of them now staggered into view, all of them shuffling toward her. She sucked in a breath and slashed out, sinking the blade into one’s temple before shoving another stumbling away from her.

She had to get into a bigger space or she was going to end up dead or bitten. She dodged the one in front of her barely as she slipped into an open office. There was light here from the broken windows, which made her feel at least a little safer. She looked around. She had a desk. An office chair. A bookcase. She could barricade herself, but she couldn’t jump out the window. It was too high. Outside, she could hear pounding on the door. The Governor yelling something that resembled her name. She steadied her gun and pulled the trigger, but there was only a faint click. Nothing happened. She frowned, checking the ammo. Everything looked normal. But something was wrong with the trigger. It wasn’t making the gun fire a round.

She groaned and threw the useless thing down, deciding she’d have to do this the old fashioned way. Adrenaline poured through her veins as more stumbled toward office. She tried to take care of them while they were choked in the doorway, but a walker grabbed her shoulder. She twisted free, taking it down but it gave the others a chance to make it into the room. One grabbed her, tripping her backwards until she had her back on the desk, trying to hold it off. She stabbed upward, blood splattering her face. She pushed it off her, rolling off the desk and stumbling back to the wall. She took out another three before she heard a loud bang outside.

Then a frantic shout: “Natalie!” Graham’s voice. Footsteps thundered. The three that were left were quickly shot and fell. She half-sagged against the wall, knife still clutched tight as Merle and Graham burst in, guns raised. Martinez appeared behind them, the Governor trailing last, breathing hard as though he’d just fought off something himself. He glanced around at the carnage, his eyes gleaming with curiosity. Or approval. Maybe a hint of disappointment.

Graham rushed in front of her, hands shaking as he tried to check her. “Were you bit? Scratched?”

She pushed him away gently, panting. “I’m fine. Really. Just-” Her gaze flicked to the Governor, who gave her a concerned nod, feigning worry. “I’m okay,” she repeated. She refused to blame him out loud, but she knew this wasn’t an accident. Merle’s expression was grim, locking eyes with her in that shared understanding. They both suspected this wasn’t an accident. She could tell he was thinking the same thing as her. But neither said a word.

Martinez smirked, surveying the bodies. “Damn girl. You took all of these biters out on your own?” There was respect in his voice. He looked to the Governor. “Looks like she’s good in the field, boss,” he said quietly.

The Governor stepped closer, voice mild. “We should head back. That was a close call. I couldn’t get the door open. Thank god for Merle. Busting it down like that.” He clapped Merle on the back.

Her pulse still pounded. She swallowed hard and nodded, not wanting to lose future chances by arguing. “All right.”

Graham hovered, clearly rattled, whispering “Thank God” under his breath. Merle gave the hallway one last scowl before they all backed out. The Governor maintained his calm composure, offering a hand on her shoulder to guide her if she needed it. She forced a weak smile, letting him think she appreciated the gesture rather than wanting to rip away from his touch.

They exited the building into harsh daylight. The Governor wanted to finish checking over the stores they missed. Merle volunteered to stay at the truck with Natalie, who the Governor insisted couldn’t handle anything more. She wasn’t going to argue because she didn’t want to step into another trap.

“Here,” Merle offered her a cigarette. She nodded in thanks as she took it, her hands still shaking. It wasn’t just the walkers. It was the realization that even with a group, she wasn’t safe. It was stark contrast to her runs with Daryl, where she’d have taken on the world because she knew he’d never let her get hurt if he could help it.

The thought brought tears to her eyes. She looked to Merle. “What if we don’t find him?” She asked. She didn’t have to say his name. “I’d had this idea in my head that we’d come out here and magically we’d find a sign of him. I know it doesn’t make sense but I couldn’t stop thinkin that there’d be some sign. I’d see him. I’d feel his presence,” she sniffed, taking a long drag of her cigarette.

“You been downplayin what you had with my brother,” he observed quietly. Her eyes flicked to his for just a moment before they were on the building where the others had disappeared. She couldn’t help the sick certainty that the Governor had just tested her, seeing if she’d survive. Maybe hoping she wouldn’t. He sighed. “It’s the first time out. We’ll keep lookin, kid,” he said, sounding like he felt sorry for her. Maybe he did. Or maybe he knew what she did. That it was possible any future trips would be dangerous for her in ways it wasn’t for others. “You sure you’re okay? You musta took out half a dozen of them things before we got there.”

She nodded, watching the others come back with full bags. Apparently the stores had been worthwhile. They drove back in tense quiet. At the gate, onlookers gasped at her appearance, and the Governor calmly explained she’d handled a pack of walkers alone. She offered no confirmation. Graham hovered close, Mart​inez pulled out what few supplies they’d salvaged, and Merle traded her a look that told her to just go get cleaned up.

She walked back to her apartment, showering off the dirt and grime and blood. And the disappointment. The biggest benefit to Woodbury was the showers. The idea of going to bed clean, instead of smelling like walkers and dirt. Once she was clean, she settled in, picking up a map again, studying it as if it would give her the answer. She traced the circle on it, the camp. The last place she’d been happy with Daryl. The last place she’d felt at peace.

Her head snapped up at the knock on her door, and Graham’s worried face was staring at her when she pulled it open. He was frowning. And when she invited him in, he paced back and forth, refusing to look at her. “Graham, you’re makin me nervous,” she told him. “What’s your problem?”

He finally sank down on the couch, his hands in his hair. He looked at her and she sat down beside him. “I’ve been thinking about it for hours, Nat. Over and over,” he took a breath and shook his head again. “I knew-” he stopped again. “The things we’ve done out there, they’re not all good,” he finally met her eyes. She tilted her head, feeling her heart race. What did they do out there? Was he going to spill the governor’s secrets? “I kept telling myself it was to keep Woodbury safe. That it was the way things were now,” his voice cracked. “I don’t-” he didn’t seem to want to say it. “I don’t think that was a coincidence today. We don’t normally split up. And there wasn’t more than 2 walkers out there. He wasn’t in a struggle,” he said quietly. “You’re not safe here,” he grabbed her hands. “Do you understand me?” She did understand him. But there was something about his tone that made her realize how deeply he felt it. She nodded. “You have to go. You’ll have to leave quietly. Maybe not tonight b-but soon,” the words tumbled out of his mouth quickly.

“I can’t leave yet,” she said softly, stopping him. “I need Merle. I need to find my group.”

“Don’t you get what I’m telling you, Natalie? You might not make it that far.” He sounded desperate.

“Graham, it’s fine. You’ve gotta calm down and trust me. It’s gonna take more than a few walkers to kill me. I can handle myself. And it’s equally as likely that it was an accident,” she assured him. She couldn’t handle his paranoia. And if he was spiraling, it was going to get them both killed. “I need you to go home and sleep it off. Stop worryin. Everything is gonna be fine,” she told him softly.

“Nat-”

“I mean it. I’m good. I’ll be okay. The Governor and I, we understand each other. Better after today, I think,” she cut him off. He definitely understood that she wasn’t going down that easily. And she understood the lengths he was willing to go to figure her out or get rid of her. She wasn’t quite sure which one of those was at the forefront today. She wanted to talk to Daryl about it. To find out what he’d do. She almost laughed, realizing he’d put an arrow right through the Governor’s skull. Maybe Rick. He always knew how to use his words. But she was still angry. Glenn and Maggie would give her perspective. Hershel would offer wisdom. She could use all of it. She would take any of it if she could.

Graham didn’t look convinced but she couldn’t tell him anything else. “Please go home and get some sleep,” she said. He looked at her for a long moment before nodding. She sighed and laid on the couch when she was alone again, tracing her finger over and over the road between Woodbury and the camp. The only link she had to Daryl and her family. The only comfort she had left.

Notes:

Thank you so much for reading! 💕

Chapter 35

Natalie stood at her window, peering down at the quiet street below. Merle and Graham were out there together—leaning against the side of a building, talking in low voices. It still threw her off to see them like that, apparently at ease with one another. They used to barely speak, but since the walker incident a few weeks back, the three of them had fallen into some kind of uneasy friendship. Maybe it was survival instincts. Maybe it was her.

She watched Merle take a drag of his cigarette, Graham scuffing a boot against the curb, both men looking run-down and exhausted from their run today. They’d all been on edge since the run a couple weeks prior. Since the Governor’s ‘accident’ had nearly gotten her killed. He’d been all smiles and polite conversation afterward, checking on her, giving her small tasks inside Woodbury as though nothing had happened. And she played along, because she had to. She wasn’t ready to leave, not without a real lead on Daryl or the others. And it was the only way she got to continue going out.

A knock came at her door. When she opened up, Graham stood there, a bottle of whiskey in one hand. He managed a tired grin. “We found at least one thing worth salvaging today,” he said, lifting the bottle slightly in explanation. His eyes were dark with worry.

She stepped aside, letting him in and shrugged out of his jacket. “Natalie,” he started, voice softer than usual. “Listen... I’m not gonna go on another rant about how you need to skip town,” he said, glancing at her. “But I’m worried. There are things you don’t know-” She started to ask but he stopped her, the way he did every time he alluded to something he wasn’t going to tell her. Merle did the same. It was an annoying habit from both of them. It seemed they both worried about her safety, but not enough about her sanity to give her information about what happened on the runs she wasn’t allowed to be on. “Things you can’t know. Because you’re you. And you don’t let things go.”

She grabbed two mismatched cups from the kitchen area, nodding as she handed them over. “Okay.” She poured a measure of the whiskey, then took a seat on the couch. He joined her, downing a quick sip before letting out a breath. “But there’s nothin you can do. Except what we’ve been doin. Lookin for my people. Keepin the Governor close.”

They drank in silence for a minute. She could sense the tension rolling off him. Finally, he set his cup down, looking at her with that half-lost expression she’d come to recognize. “If you do leave,” he said carefully, “Do you want me with you?”

She stiffened. That hadn’t crossed her mind. Graham tagging along when she finally found a chance to bail with Merle. She’d assumed he’d stay, to be honest. “I—” she began, but the words stuck.

He gave a sad little laugh, shaking his head. “Your lack of answer is pretty telling.”

She swallowed hard. “That’s not fair,” she muttered, picking at the edge of her cup. “I’m just-” she stopped, blowing out a breath. “It never occurred to me you’d even consider leavin. This place... you practically helped the Governor build it.”

“Doesn’t mean I’m blind to what he’s capable of,” he said, staring at the floor. “You know, I didn’t just get over you. I thought you were dead, sure. But I always held out that tiny hope we’d see each other again. Because you were so close. It’s not like with my parents or my sister, who I accepted I’d never see again because they’re on the other side of the country. It was possible for you. Because you’re smart and stubborn and your brother would have done anything to protect you,” he said softly.

“Graham,” she started but he frowned and shook his head.

“But you got over me,” he said. “And that’s okay. I can’t make you want what we had,” he assured her. “But it just makes me wonder if it’s because you went through so much or if it’s because you found someone else you cared about.”

She closed her eyes, exhaling slowly. She hated this conversation. There was no easy way to say it. And no handbook for how to tell your ex that you never broke up with, that you’d fallen for someone while the world went to hell. “There’s someone I care about,” she admitted at last.

He absorbed her words, face tight with hurt. “You love him?”

She sighed, pressing her palms to her thighs as if to steady herself. “Don’t do this, Graham.”

He managed a shaky smile. “We’re friends now. This is what friends do, right? Talk honestly?”

Her chest felt tight. She took a moment to breathe, reminding herself she trusted Graham on some level. He’d known her before everything, before she could kill walkers, before she’d lost Shane. “I don’t know if it’s love. We weren’t together like that,” she said eventually. “I just can’t imagine never seein him again.”

He swallowed hard, nodding slowly. “Guess that’s an answer,” he murmured, voice hoarse. For a minute, neither of them spoke, the silence filled by the faint hum of Woodbury’s evening bustle outside. They drank in silence again, the tension easing just a fraction.

She wondered, fleetingly, what it would be like if life had turned out differently. If they’d stayed together in the early days. Would she have become this person who could survive alone? Or would she be hidden away, letting him protect her? She shut the thought down. Too late for that now. And she wasn’t sure she’d want it any different. Because she wouldn’t have been with Daryl. She wouldn’t have gotten those last months with Shane. Or found out Rick was alive. Met Maggie, Glenn, Carol, Hershel. The thought of having never met the people she held dearest in the world made her ache.

“I’m glad you’re here,” she admitted quietly, surprising even herself with the admission. She reached over, covering his hand with hers. “I mean, I’m sorry I snap at you. But you and Merle, you guys make this place tolerable. And when I do leave, I’d want both of you to come with me. Find my group, see if we can piece together somethin better than this.”

Graham let out a long, shaky breath, nodding. “That sounds nice,” he said, sounding hopeful. She hoped it was at the thought of being away from the Governor, and not being with her. “I’d like that.”

They fell into a tentative peace, finishing off some of the whiskey in subdued conversation about her day on the wall. And helping Diane get things organized. At some point, Graham yawned, the tension draining from him as exhaustion won out. Natalie walked him to the door, pausing with her hand on the knob. “Get some rest,” she told him softly.

He nodded, gaze lingering on her face. “You too.”

And then he was gone. She locked the door, leaning her forehead against it for a moment, letting her shoulders slump. Her life was a balancing act: pleasing the Governor enough to keep searching, shutting down Graham’s paranoia without losing his friendship, and clinging to the idea of Daryl still out there somewhere. She’d have to keep playing her cards right. She only hoped her luck held long enough for her to beat the house.

Natalie woke the next morning with a dull ache behind her eyes—the lingering effect of the whiskey she’d shared with Graham. It sure didn’t take much anymore. She thought back to the days when she’d be at the bar downing margaritas like it was nothing. And here she was half hungover from a little bit. She yawned, gathered herself, and headed for rations duty as usual.

She walked alone toward the garage, but stopped when she saw Pam walking down the street with her clip board. New arrivals, she guessed. Two women walked beside her—one she recognized. Natalie’s eyes caught on the blonde, and something in her chest twisted. The woman looked up, and for a breathless second, neither moved. Then, a shocked half-smile spread across the blonde’s face. “Nat?” she managed, voice catching.

It was Andrea. She’d been so convinced she died on the farm. She felt her heart thud against her ribs, an instant wave of relief and confusion colliding. She forgot all about rations, forgot everything except that Andrea was here, alive. They closed the distance in a few strides, enveloping each other in a tight hug. Natalie could tell Andrea was trembling—or maybe she was. She felt tears burn at the corners of her eyes, but she blinked them away quickly, mindful of the crowd around them.

“I thought—” Andrea whispered, pulling back enough to search Natalie’s face. “I didn’t see you after the farm. I was sure you—” She stopped, a relieved smile on her face.

Natalie nodded, swallowing a lump in her throat. “I made it out. Barely. I— I can’t believe you’re here.” She cast a glance at the dark-haired woman, who hovered a step behind, posture stiff with suspicion.

“This is Michonne,” Andrea said softly, gesturing for Michonne to step closer. Michonne nodded, her expression guarded. She didn’t trust this town. It was obvious. She wondered if she’d been that obvious. She wondered if she still was, despite her forced smiles and outwardly friendly demeanor. “Is everyone here with you?” Andrea asked. “Shane? Carol?”

Natalie looked down for a moment. She shook her head. “Shane never made it off the farm,” she said quietly. “And I got separated from everyone else.”

“Oh, Nat. I’m so sorry,” Andrea said, looking sad. She was the first person who seemed genuinely sad that Shane was gone. Everyone else, they all looked sad for her. But Andrea had liked Shane. More than most of the group, she was pretty certain.

Pam cleared her throat, a gentle reminder of her presence. “We should really keep going. I’m giving them a quick tour before they settle in,” she explained, checking something off her clipboard. “Governor’s orders.”

Andrea looked torn, obviously wanting to say more, but Pam’s expectant gaze pressured them to wrap up. “We can… talk later, yeah?” Andrea asked, voice tinged with urgency.

“Yeah,” Natalie agreed, a flicker of relief threading through her voice. “Of course.”

Andrea nodded, hugging her one more time, and Michonne stayed back, quietly assessing. Natalie felt the stares of passersby, but she ignored them, letting the familiarity of Andrea’s embrace settle the pounding in her chest. Then Pam hustled the newcomers onward, leaving Natalie standing in the street, hands trembling at her sides.

Merle opened her door without knocking, as he so often did, later that evening. “So you met the newcomers,” he said, sinking on to her chair.

“How did they end up here? Why didn’t you tell me?” She asked, curious. Seeing Andrea had reignited the hope in her chest that her family was out there and could be close. She could find them at any time.

“Ran into em on the run yesterday. Blondie was pretty bad off. She was in the sick bay most of the day. Restin overnight. Figured you’d see her around,” he shrugged. “It’s got you thinkin they’re out there, doesn’t it?” He asked.

She shrugged, trying hard to look casual but there was nothing casual about the burning in her chest at the thought of seeing Daryl again. Of hugging Glenn and Maggie. Of telling Carl she was so sorry for leaving him. Of the thought of meeting her niece or nephew, who would probably be born soon. She hadn’t even realized that hope had faded during her time in Woodbury. Like her thoughts of finding them had waned a little bit each day, so little that she hadn’t noticed. But now it was back in the forefront of her mind.

“We still got a lot of ground to cover,” he warned. Almost like he could see her hopes were up. “Governor is gettin tighter on us goin out. After today, not sure he’s gonna be lettin us run around lookin for a bit. Not without him.”

“What happened today?”

He shook his head. “Don’t worry that pretty little head of yours,” he told her. He lit up a cigarette, opening the window before handing it to her and lighting his own. “Just sayin don’t go countin your chickens yet.” She sighed, knowing he was right. She was getting ahead of herself. “You ever gonna tell me what really happened between you and my little brother?” He asked, arching a brow.

She shook her head slowly. “You can ask him when we find him,” she said quietly. Mostly because she wasn’t sure she could share that without breaking. She’d taped herself together over the last couple of months without her people. She’d figured out how to keep herself from falling apart, even when she was alone.

He looked like he regretted asking her. “If they’re out there, we’ll find em,” he told her. “You’re just gonna have to be patient a little longer. Think you can handle that, darlin?”

She nodded. “I’ve made it this long,” she told him. She knew she didn’t have any other options aside from leaving Woodbury entirely. And she’d already dismissed that option as a last resort. She nodded again, assuring herself this time. “I can wait a little longer.” She was pretty certain that was the truth.

Notes:

Thank you for reading as always! I hope if you're in the states and in the path of all this weather that you're safe and able to stay warm. 💕 A bit of a time jump going on to get us ramped up into season 3. I promise we're getting closer to bringing everyone together! 🫣

Chapter 36

Notes:

It just didn't feel right for me to not have ANY information on what's happened while Natalie was gone. So this is my bridge to that. And will likely be the only chapter from Daryl's perspective. I hope you enjoy it as the little bonus that it is 💕

She’d been gone for 57 days. He’d originally thought day 1 was the worst. Waiting. Sitting out front, and just waiting. He’d never been good at it. He wasn’t a patient man. Resisting the urge to go back to town was unbearable. But going back to town would mean leaving the rest of the group alone and vulnerable. Which is exactly what he promised her he wouldn’t do. And after everything, he wouldn’t break any promise he made her. But she promised to come back. And as night fell and then the sun rose again, he was starting to worry she wouldn’t.

Day 3 was the day they’d been forced to move on, and suddenly waiting was all he wanted to do. Walkers had surrounded the house, and there wasn’t any time to make a plan or even think about where to go. Usually he took the lead in the caravan, knowing where to go. But he knew the only place he’d lead them was the last place he’d seen her. Because that was the only place his mind existed anymore. The place where he’d touched her cheeks and made her promise to come back. But she hadn’t and they couldn’t stay.

Day 5 they’d set up camp at an old house. He hadn’t talked to anyone but T. He was the only one who understood. And even then, it wasn’t T’s decision to let her go. It was his. Rick blamed him. Glenn and Maggie blamed him. They could say they didn’t, but he felt it. The same as he blamed himself. She was gone and he couldn’t do anything about it. He’d tried taking off on his motorcycle. To leave. Only Carol’s pleading had stopped him, insisting that he couldn’t run off chasing her. That it’s not what she’d want. She’d want him here with her family. And he hated that she was right.

Day 10 was the day he’d figured out every day that passed was the worst. Because every time they stopped, every run, he thought he’d find her. He’d imagined it every time. Seeing a flash of dark hair as a walker went down. Her turning around and seeing them. Seeing a giant smile on her face when she realized she’d found her way home. The same wide smile she’d had that day she found that stupid ring. When she’d told him she was happy and teased him for his grumpy nature. The first time her face had lit up since her brother had died. Right before he’d agreed to take her hunting. She could have probably asked him for anything at that moment and he would have said yes.

Day 12 was the first time he’d really let himself feel it. Not even sure where it came from. Nobody mentioned her. Nobody talked about it. But when he’d come upon a group of walkers while on watch, he’d lost it. Taking out his frustration. His grief. His pain. By the time Carol reached him, he was covered in blood and sweat, and the tears in his eyes made the world blurry. And Carol being there made it worse. He’d tried to tell her to go. Insulted her to make her leave. But she wouldn’t. And when she reached out and hugged him, he cracked. He realized she was dead. And it was on him. He should have never let her go. Even as Carol tried to soothe him and assure him it wasn’t his fault, he felt it in his entire body. The weight of her being gone forever.

On day 13, Rick went hunting with him. Walking next to him quietly, insisting he didn’t blame him for the loss of her. That he couldn’t have stopped her. He told him about when she was a teenager, barely 16, and Shane had gotten into it with his then girlfriend. The girlfriend had hit Shane, and ended up throwing a brick at him for cheating on her. He’d had to get stitches. And even though Shane and Rick tried to keep her calm, when they’d told her Shane wasn’t pressing assault charges, Natalie had stolen Shane’s jeep and driven to the girl’s house herself, and ended up giving the girl a black eye. The point, Rick said when Daryl looked at him, was that she was stubborn. And nothing was ever going to stop her from protecting the people she loved. Which is what she was doing.

On day 17, he’d caught Lori and Rick crying as they comforted Carl. The first time he’d seen them interact since that first night on the road. He tried not to eavesdrop but he knew what they were crying about. He knew the pain they were all feeling was her. And he knew the grief would come in waves. Same as it had when he lost his brother. But Merle, he’d let himself believe was still out there because he’d lived a long time without his brother. On and off most of their lives. And Merle was built for this world. But she wasn’t. Her being gone was like a dark cloud that just never let up. He didn’t think he’d ever see the sun again.

Day 28, they’d found a nice place to stay, with food and supplies. Lori was able to relax a bit. She was starting to get big. And he couldn’t help himself from making sure she was comfortable. Had some extra food. An extra blanket at night. Lori was always a little confused at his gestures. They’d never been close. But that day, she’d asked him why. He’d picked at the skin around his thumb with his teeth, the painful burning sensation better than the feeling in his chest. He didn’t have to answer for Lori to nod with understanding after a moment of silence. It was for her. Because Lori was carrying her niece or nephew. The last family she had. And if he could do anything for her, he was going to make sure this kid was safe and happy. Even if it killed him.

Day 35 was the first day he admitted out loud that he missed her. He’d been on watch with Carol, and it came out accidentally. It wasn’t that he’d denied missing her. The others, they’d all talked to him about her. Maggie, Glenn, Hershel, Rick, Carol. All of them had told him they knew how much he missed her. And they’d talked about how it wasn’t his fault. And that no one blamed him. But he’d never said it. Not out loud. Carol just held his hand, staying quiet.

Day 46 hit like a tidal wave when he found her necklace at the bottom of his bag. He’d forgotten he’d promised to fix it for her. That tiny little gold cross he’d seen so delicately hanging around her neck so many times. She liked to fiddle with it when she was nervous. Or when she was happy. Back at the first house, when she’d laid in the bed of a pickup truck with him sitting next to her one night, she talked about the stars. She had such a fascination with them. Telling him all about the constellations. The stories behind them. He’d looked down and she’d been smiling. She’d looked peaceful as she spoke, toying with that damned necklace as she smiled up at him and thanked him for being there for her. Like he’d done something big just by sitting with her.

Day 57 was the day they took the prison. Every thought of her didn’t burn his throat anymore. Instead, he was thinking about how excited she’d be. To know that her family had a safe home. To know there was somewhere they could be off the road and could barricade and protect. Build a life. It was what she’d want for them. It was the only thing he could still give her. To keep them safe. To give this baby and Carl and everyone else she loved the life she’d want for them. At least the best they could hope for with the state of things. He watched Rick walking the perimeter over and over, the same as he always did. It had become a habit after she’d gone. Like Rick was waiting for her to come back. Waiting to be the first one at the gate to greet her. Same as he was.

Chapter 37

Natalie hovered near the courtyard’s far edge, arms crossed, half-listening to the chatter of Woodbury’s residents. This whole party seemed unnecessary. The Governor had announced the it the day before, insisting the town needed a morale boost. But she didn’t think that was the reason at all. She was convinced it was a way to get Andrea to trust him. And maybe sway Michonne. But the way she’d seen the woman looking at the Governor the last couple of days, she didn’t think anything was going to do that.

At the center of the courtyard stood Andrea, already looking too comfortable in the Governor’s presence. They spoke with rapt expressions, the Governor’s hand occasionally resting on her arm as though to reassure her. Andrea’s face was bright, a faint flush in her cheeks whenever she responded. Natalie’s heart sank as she watched them. She liked Andrea, for the most part. And liked having someone from Atlanta around. Someone else who mourned her brother and understood the loss she’d suffered. But the quickness of her attachment to “Phillip” set off alarm bells in Natalie’s mind, and made her quick to shut down around her.

Her gaze flicked away, a dull ache coiling in her chest. She was so focused on the pair that she nearly jumped out of her skin when a quiet voice spoke at her side. “You don’t trust him, do you?”

Natalie spun, heart pounding, to find Michonne standing right there, her arms folded, eyes narrowed toward Andrea and the Governor. Her posture, rigid but controlled, hinted at a readiness to fight or flee at any moment. She recognized it because it was the same stance she’d had. Natalie swallowed, pressing a hand to her racing chest. “Guess I’m not as good at hiding it as I thought,” she said, forcing a small wry smile. Was she that transparent? She’d tried so hard to keep her distrust of the Governor under wraps.

Michonne’s gaze was calm, piercing. “You’re too wary to pass for someone charmed by this place. I can see it.” She inclined her head toward where Andrea laughed at something the Governor said. “He’s not fooling you.”

A quick, humorless laugh escaped Natalie. “He’s not who he says he is,” she whispered, voice low. She glanced around, nerves flickering in her chest. One wrong word and they could both be hauled off, forced to answer the Governor’s questions in a darker corner of Woodbury. Still, she said it: “Most of the people here are good, just trying to survive. But don’t trust him.”

“I don’t,” Michonne said simply, still glaring toward Andrea and the Governor. Natalie followed her gaze, saw the slight clench of her jaw. “Andrea’s letting her guard down. She won’t leave unless I find some proof of whatever’s really going on here.”

Natalie’s stomach twisted. “Don’t,” she murmured, shaking her head in warning. “Digging into his secrets can get you killed. It’s safer if you play along, act like you’re towing the line. Let him think you believe his stories.”

Michonne’s lips tightened. “I’m not doing that.” She looked back at Natalie. There was a fierce determination in her eyes, a silent vow. “We’ll leave soon, one way or another. You could come with us. You’d be safer out there, even if it doesn’t seem like it.”

The offer made Natalie’s throat tighten. Leave. She’d imagined it so many times, finding Glenn, Maggie, maybe Daryl. A reason to go. She swallowed. “I can’t,” she whispered, her voice cracking. “I have—” She paused, what did she really have here? Merle’s half-loyalty, Graham’s uneasy affection. Merle had made it clear to her he wouldn’t choose her if the time came. And she’d not sure Graham would. She wasn’t sure she could choose them either. Not if it got in the way of her finding her people. She ached, missing the people she once trusted with her entire being. Daryl, Glenn, Maggie. She took a breath. “I’m not ready to just run. Not yet.”

Michonne nodded but remained inscrutable, her face set in a determined scowl. “You should consider it anyway. Something’s wrong with this place. Something’s wrong with him. Andrea’s refusing to see it, but I can’t ignore the signs.”

Natalie’s shoulders slumped. “I know,” she said softly, eyes drifting back to Andrea across the courtyard. The Governor brushed Andrea’s arm, murmuring something that made her smile. Natalie shivered. He’s so good at that. Pretending he cares while controlling everything. She turned to Michonne again. “Just… be careful. If he suspects you, you won’t even have time to run.”

Michonne’s gaze flickered with acknowledgment. “I can take care of myself,” she said, a quiet confidence in her tone.

Natalie believed it. This woman looked unshakable. She’ll go soon, Natalie realized. And I’ll still be here. A pang of regret thrummed under her ribs, but she shoved it down. She couldn’t get attached to anyone else. Even if her gut told her Michonne would be an ally. Maybe even someone she could truly trust. She wondered where they were going. Would she look for Natalie’s group if she asked?

She sighed. She knew asking Michonne to stay wouldn’t help. Trying to convince her. Michonne might have good intuition, but she didn’t strike Natalie as someone who could play along. She was someone who spoke her mind and stuck to her guns. And while that was a trait she liked in the people she surrounded herself with, it was a dangerous trait nowadays. “I really hope you find something. But be careful,” she said, meaning it.

“I will,” Michonne said, voice hushed. Her gaze returned to Andrea and the Governor for one last moment. Then, with a final nod to Natalie, she turned on her heel, slipping away into the crowd.

Natalie stood there, arms wrapped around herself. The Governor’s laughter reached her ears. Andrea said something else, and he laughed again. Natalie’s stomach churned at how normal it sounded on the surface. But nothing in Woodbury was normal. Not anymore.

“Could make a man jealous, lookin at the Governor like that,” Merle laughed as he walked over to her. “You sure look nice all dolled up,” he eyed the dress she wore.

She rolled her eyes. Truth was, she felt silly. But she was trying to convince everyone, maybe even herself, that she could fit in here. Things with the Governor had been tense when she first returned from that run. But she’d made an effort over the last few weeks. Trying to keep things calm. Talking to people. And while she knew the Governor wasn’t going to ever invite her into his inner circle, they kept up polite conversation in front of the town. She refused to rock the boat right now. “Just prayin some herd doesn’t roll through and force me to live out in woods in this dress,” she laughed.

“You ain’t enjoyin the party?” He asked, humor in his voice. “Just wait till tonight. You’ll have fun.”

She shook her head. “Already told you I hate the fights,” she told him. They’d had a handful of them since she’d arrived. And she was horrified the first time. And every time after that. While the rest of the town might think they were fun and harmless, she thought it was glorifying violence. And she’d seen too much violence since this all began. She was tired of it. She also didn’t think there was anything good about people not fearing the dead. She might be able to take out a group of them but she was sure as hell still scared of them. She remembered Dale. That image of him as he died in pain was seared into her brain.

“Come on, darlin. You sayin it doesn’t bring you a little bit of joy to watch us beat the hell out of each other? I remember a time when you would have loved the idea of me takin a beating,” he chuckled.

“I remember a time you would’ve deserved it,” she muttered. “But things are different now. You’re different,” she told him. He was sober. Merle might still have a mouth on him. And a tendency to stick his foot in it, but he’d done what he could to look after her and that was all she could ask in today’s world. “This isn’t you gettin popped for runnin your mouth. This is you and Martinez beatin on each other for fun. Puttin yourselves in danger.”

“You know, for someone so damn deadly, you’re pretty soft,” he told her. It almost made her laugh because the discomfort with her apparent affection reminded her of Daryl. Not quite sure what to do with it. “If you’re not careful kid, I’ll start thinkin you care about me.”

She felt a small smile spreading on to her face as she looked up at him. “Fine. Hope you get your ass kicked tonight,” she told him. He laughed and she shook her head, rolling her eyes. She heard someone call her name. “Looks like I’m needed for provisions,” she pointed over her shoulder. “Be careful,” she added quietly as she left him.

Notes:

Thank you so much for reading! I know, I know. Don't hate me for the lack of a reunion on this one 🫣

Chapter 38

Natalie could tell things were unraveling in Woodbury from the moment she heard the first wave of gunfire. The crack of shots ripped through the otherwise quiet night, making her pulse pound. The Governor’s face had been grim when he ordered her inside, away from the danger. But she’d never been good at following that man’s orders, especially when her gut insisted something was deeply wrong. And the way he’d ordered her and Andrea inside made her nervous. They were both good shots. Had spent months outside. They were better trained than a lot of his guys.

Still, he wasn’t going to hear it. And she felt like there was a reason. They’d obviously attacked someone. They knew who these people were. She wasn’t dumb enough to think this was random. This was retaliation. So she pretended to do as she was told, slipping into her apartment, where she’d stored a gun in case she needed a quick escape. And she was thinking now might be the time. But she had to find Merle and Graham. Convince them to come with her. To escape with the chaos.

She slipped through the back alleys, sticking close to the walls. ‘Where were they?’ she wondered, biting her lip. She had to find them if she was leaving. And if she didn’t leave, she needed to make sure they were okay. They were her people in here. The closest thing she had to a group. She crept around a corner, searching for any vantage point to see what was happening. That was when she heard the footsteps behind her. Someone moving fast and quietly. Almost familiar. A hunter, she was certain. Her heart hammered, and she turned, pistol half-drawn. But she froze at the face she saw in the shadows.

“Daryl?” She dared to breathe out. Was she hallucinating? Was she dead? How was he just here, in front of her? She’d spent months thinking she’d never see him again. Praying for a bread crumb of information that might someday lead her back to him. And he was suddenly just here? Her heart was pounding against her ribs and she felt like she couldn’t breathe as she waited for him to move or speak. Anything to tell her she wasn’t crazy.

He stood there, crossbow in hand, breathing hard. His eyes locked on hers and she saw a range of emotions across his face. Confusion was the most prominent. For a moment, neither of them moved. Then he let out a shaky exhale, and she dropped her arm, the gun forgotten. He was real. Her smile grew, her eyes blurry from tears, and she forgot about everything else happening. The gunfire from the streets. The yelling. All of it faded into the background.

“Nat,” he rasped, his voice hoarse. He took two steps forward, and she closed the distance, heart still hammering. His arms wrapped around her, pulling her in. Her fingers clutching at the back of his vest, tears burning the back of her eyes. The smell of sweat and gunpowder clung to him, but still it smelled like him. She sobbed into his shoulder, the reality of him overwhelming. Daryl, in the flesh. He was trembling against her, or maybe she was trembling. She couldn’t tell. She felt his hand slide up into her hair at her neck, holding on like she might vanish. She pulled back just enough to see the tears in his eyes, the raw relief on his face. She reached up, touching his cheek as though she was verifying he was real. He didn’t pull away at her touch like he had so many times before. His eyes closed, just for a second, his face relaxing as he leaned in to her touch.

“I thought I’d never see you again,” she choked out through her tears. She hadn’t realized how much tension she was carrying until now, when it melted away. Even amongst the chaos, all she felt was pure relief and affection. She’d missed him so much. And while she’d looked for him, she’d never let herself really believe she’d ever see him again. Because that would have broken her heart every time she didn’t. But here he was. Back with her.

He opened his eyes and stared at her as she touched his hair, longer now after months on the road. As his hand touched her cheek, she was back in that store, with him telling her to come home. Then, almost abruptly, he let go, tension flooding back into his muscles as he glanced over his shoulder at more yelling. Closer this time. “We gotta go,” he muttered. No explanation. No greeting. Just a command.

“Daryl, wait—” she began, but he shook his head, grabbing her hand.

“Not now,” he snapped, voice low, urgent. “Come on.”

She had no choice. She stumbled after him as he led her deeper into Woodbury, away from the main gates. Her mind spun, full of questions. The hum of panic in her chest grew louder. She hadn’t seen or heard from Daryl in so long, and now he was here, telling her to run. She wanted to know where everyone was. He wouldn’t be alone. Not in a place like this. So where were the others? But she also trusted him more than anyone, and if he told her to run, she was going to follow.

They were almost at the far corner of the town, near a small side street Natalie rarely used, when a familiar figure rounded the corner, gun raised. She gasped, startled, and Daryl twisted, her hand dropped, his crossbow rising again. “Let her go!” Graham barked, his voice laced with a mix of fear and fury. He flicked his gaze to Natalie, confusion flooding his features. As soon as Graham’s eyes flicked to her, Daryl pushed her behind him, his crossbow help up defensively.

Natalie tried to push forward, to explain, but Daryl’s arm barred her path. “Graham, don’t!” she pleaded. “He’s not—he’s my—” She struggled for the words, but none came out right. All she knew was that Daryl wasn’t a threat to her, not like the rest of Woodbury. “It’s Merle’s brother!” She pleaded, hoping this was enough.

“Goddamnit!” Graham shouted. His gun was still raised. And for a heartbeat, Natalie feared he’d pull the trigger on Daryl. She thrust herself forward, mind reeling, but everything happened too fast. “He’s one of yours?” He frowned. She could see the conflict. Was he loyal to her or the Governor? A day ago, she’d have said her. But a day ago, Daryl wasn’t standing in front of her protecting her like she was his. She could see when it clicked in his mind. His frown softened as she nodded. And his gun slowly lowered. Then there was footsteps coming fast behind her. But before Daryl could even turn, Graham shot. A body dropped behind them. She recognized him as one of the guys who brought her in to Woodbury. “Fuck,” he muttered. “Come on. We’ve gotta go,” he said, clearly worried. Graham had shot one of the Governor’s men and now he was scared. “Nat, come on!”

Daryl looked at her and she knew what he was asking. Asking did she trust him? She nodded and he looked unhappy, but grabbed her hand and followed Graham down the street, stopping at the edge of a building. “We gotta keep moving,” Daryl said quietly, his fingers still laced in hers.

“We can’t. If we go out in the open, they’ll find us. And we’ll all be dead,” Graham told them, staring around the corner at the street. “If we can wait for them to leave this area, there’s a loose panel. We can use it to get out of town.” All three of them waited, Daryl clearly unhappy with taking the lead from someone he didn’t know. But he was trusting her. So as soon as the coast was clear, they made a run for it.

“Stop!” A voice boomed, and she felt hands grab her from behind, pulling her from Daryl’s grasp. She cried out, struggling, but a a gun was jammed at the side of her face, making her heart jump into her throat. They were going to shoot her. And then they’d shoot Daryl and Graham. Probably Merle. “Drop it, or she’s dead,” the soldier hissed at Daryl and Graham as they were surrounded.

Daryl froze, crossbow half-raised, eyes flicking to Natalie, pinned in the soldier’s grip. She saw raw panic and fury in his face, though he tried to hide it. Graham, too, stood stock-still, gun still in hand, but the circle of soldiers forming around them was overwhelming. A figure emerged from behind the armed men, the Governor, stepping forward with a cold look on his face.

“Natalie,” the Governor said softly, voice dripping with false warmth. “Always where you shouldn’t be. Now tell them to drop their weapons or they’re both gonna watch you die. We don’t want that, do we? Right here in the street? Surely we can get through this with some peace.”

She narrowed her eyes at him, refusing to say anything. Truthfully, she wished one of them would shoot the Governor. But the rational side of her prayed they wouldn’t. Because they’d be dead before they knew what hit them. Daryl’s jaw tightened, his eyes never leaving the man holding Natalie. He snarled out a curse and let the crossbow fall from his hands. Graham’s gun clattered a second later, his expression twisted with helpless frustration.

“Thank you,” the Governor drawled, stepping closer. “Now, let’s not make this any worse.”

The soldier behind Natalie tightened his hold, and she winced, tears brimming as she locked eyes with Daryl. She’d only just found him again. Was she going to lose him just as quickly? Another soldier seized Graham, wrenching him aside. Daryl was shoved roughly from behind, stumbling but staying on his feet. Natalie tried to twist free, but the muzzle pressed harder against her neck, forcing her compliance.

“Take them to holding,” the Governor ordered simply, flicking a hand toward a nearby building with a basement that sometimes functioned as storage. “I’ll be back after I check and make sure everything else is calm.”

They descended the narrow staircase, the overhead bulb swinging, casting wild shadows on the damp walls. They ordered them into a room with a heavy metal door. She watched as Daryl and Graham stepped through in front of her. When she didn’t move fast enough, Gentry pushed her. She stumbled, nearly falling, but Daryl’s arm caught her, pulling her close. The door slammed, and she glared at it, deciding Gentry would be the first one she’d shoot given the chance. They were trapped. She caught Daryl’s eyes in the dim light, seeing guilt swirl there. Graham stood apart, face hard and unreadable.

“You okay?” Daryl asked quietly. He reached for her cheek, holding it gently before pushing her hair back behind her ear.

She stared back, wanting to ask a thousand questions: How did you survive? Where’s everyone else? Why are you here? But the words died in her throat. She was probably going to die here. All of them were. She didn’t want to know if the others were dead. She just wanted to stand here with him. If she was going to die, she was okay with being here with him. “I’m okay,” she breathed out, nodding. He didn’t believe her. She could see it. She reached up, her hand on the hand that was on her cheek. “I’m fine,” she assured him.

She looked back at Graham, who was pacing beside them. “Graham?”

“Yeah, I’m great,” he muttered. She wondered if he was angry he helped her. If he wished he hadn’t. Maybe he wished he was on the other side of that door. Maybe he wished he’d killed Daryl. She felt guilty for even questioning him. He’d risked everything for her. Despite the fact that he clearly realized Daryl was the one she’d talked about. The one she cared about. She wondered if the Governor would let him live. Maybe chalk it up to him being lovestruck and stupid. Without her around, would he be pardoned? She let out a breath. She guessed it didn’t matter because chances were she wasn’t making it out of this room to find out.

Notes:

Thank you for reading 💕 Appreciate you all so much!

Chapter 39

“Daryl, what happened? Why’re you here” She asked when he’d finally slowed down trying to find something to escape with. There was nothing in this room. She knew they wouldn’t put them in here if there was any hope of getting out. He didn’t know the Governor, but she did. He was not a man who didn’t think things through. Graham had since sank down against the wall, which seemed to piss Daryl off even more.

He shook his head, frustrated. “We’re here for Glenn and Maggie.” Glenn and Maggie? They were in Woodbury? Right here? So that’s why Daryl was here. And suddenly she was right back to panic. Had they gotten out? Would they be right here with them? He looked over at Graham. “You got any ideas or you gonna sit there and do jack shit?”

“Jack shit? I killed a man I’ve known for almost a year out there!”

“Ain’t nobody ask you to pull that trigger. Don’t put that on us,” he argued, stepping closer to where Graham had stood up, fists clenched at his side.

“She didn’t have to! She didn’t have to ask me for anything!” He pointed to her, and the look Daryl gave her made her heart sink. Confusion. Hurt. “You think I did that to save you? I did it for her!” He blew out a hard breath and shook his head. “There’s nothing to do, man. He wants us here, this is where we’re staying. There’s probably a minimum of 5 guys out there with guns.”

She could see the words swirling in Daryl’s head. He couldn’t seem to meet her eyes again. But she couldn’t think about that now. If they figured out a way out of here, she could deal with it. “Daryl. Glenn and Maggie. They’re here?”

“No, they got out,” he shook his head. He was back to looking around. “Everyone else got out,” he stopped. “Unless they’re comin back in, which knowin how stubborn your asshole brother is, they are,” he added with an eyeroll and a shake of his head.

Graham frowned at her. “You said Shane-”

“Rick,” Daryl interrupted him, in a clipped tone that told him he wasn’t talking to Graham and didn’t ask for his input. He finally met her eyes again. And his voice was softer. His eyes looked sad. “When we get out of here, you gotta deal with this shit with him, okay? He’s not okay. Losin you and then-” he looked away from her as he spoke again. “Lori didn’t make it,” he said with a heavy sigh and she felt like she might be sick. The thought of Lori dying, of things never getting better between them hit her hard. Knowing Rick and Carl were having to handle it. And if what Daryl said about Rick was true, Carl was probably dealing with it alone. Heavy tears fell down her cheeks. “You got a niece. Judith,” he added. Her eyes found his. “She’s strong,” he added, nodding. “You’re gonna love her.”

A niece. A little baby girl. A piece of her brother and Lori, even if they were gone. But then her stomach sank again. “Daryl, I’m not gettin out of this. He hates me. He’s wanted me dead,” she whispered, shaking her head. She wasn’t going to get to fix things with Rick. To help Carl deal with losing his mom. To meet her niece.

His fingers reached out, brushing the tears away from her cheeks and she closed her eyes, finding comfort in his touch. “You’ll get out. I promise.” She knit her brows, wanting to argue with him but she needed him to believe they’d be okay. She couldn’t spend their time arguing about if they’d survive. Not if there was even a tiny chance they could.

When they door opened, they all turned to face it, and she jumped away from him. She didn’t want the Governor or his men to see what Daryl meant to her. To have that card to play. The Governor walked in, his eye covered with a bandage. What had happened to him? Two men dragged Merle inside, arms bound behind his back, looking angrier than she’d ever seen, stringing together words that certainly weren’t fit for polite conversation. Had Merle done this? The Governor surveyed the room with quiet satisfaction, nodding at the guards that followed. One of his men turned to shut the door with a metallic thump.

“All right,” the Governor said, stepping forward. “Let’s try to keep things civilized.”

Natalie’s stomach twisted as he singled her out, gesturing for one of the guards to haul her toward the center of the room. She stumbled, knees trembling under Gentry’s grip. Immediately, Daryl, Merle, and Graham reacted with tense alarm. The Governor lifted a hand in a pacifying gesture. “Don’t worry. We’ll keep her safe. So long as you comply.” He flicked his gaze to the guards. “Tie them,” he commanded quietly. “Gag them all.”

“Please—” She was desperate. She’d do anything as long as he’d let them go. Graham, and likely Merle, were there because of her. Because of their proximity to her. And Daryl, she knew she’d do anything to protect.

The Governor circled behind her, exhaling near her ear. “Don’t make this harder,” he said softly, and she shuddered. The guards yanked the men into chairs, tying them tight. Merle glared at them, face twisted in rage as he cursed them, but a gag was forced into his mouth anyway. Graham fought back, but a cold pistol pressed to his temple made him relent. When Daryl tried to lunge forward when they tried to get him into the chair, one of the men hammered a fist into Daryl’s gut. Natalie let out a cry as Daryl doubled over in pain, gag stifling his groan.

All three men sat bound, panting through their nostrils, eyes filled with hatred. She stared at them, chest heaving with each panicked breath. In that moment, she felt helpless, and the Governor looked pleased with himself. She hated him. One guard slid a small handgun into the Governor’s outstretched hand. He turned, leveling his attention on her. “Now, Natalie. We’re going to have a little chat, just you and me.”

She glimpsed Daryl out of the corner of her eye, trying to yell through the gag. Another guard slammed a rifle butt into his sternum, forcing him to choke back the sound. Tears burned in her eyes. She’d only just found him, and here he was, battered, gagged, at the Governor’s mercy. She shook her head when his eyes met hers. Please, stop. Please don’t make this worse. She couldn’t say it. But she knew he knew what she meant. That was the thing about Daryl. She didn’t need to speak for him to know what she was thinking.

The Governor took a slow step toward her, reaching out to stroke her hair in a strange show of tenderness. She recoiled, stomach twisting. But she didn’t move. The Governor’s hand slipped down to her cheek, and he smiled. “You see,” he began softly, “I gave you every chance to be loyal. But you’re a traitor. Just like Merle. Just like your friend here.” He flicked his gaze toward Graham. “Poor Graham, who had such promise before you got here. I really thought he might keep you loyal. That he might find his way back into your heart. Or at least your bed. Keep you from making trouble,” he said. He sighed like a disappointed father. “But you were always going to resist. You just couldn’t help yourself. Disloyalty needs to be punished. So you’re going to make a choice.”

The guards all stepped back, standing against the wall behind them and her heart stopped. She couldn’t form words, only stared wide-eyed as he turned the gun handle-first and thrust it toward her. Her mind screamed in alarm. “What—?” she whispered, voice trembling.

He stepped back, lifting his chin at the three men bound to chairs. “You’re going to kill one of them,” he said, as though it were the simplest demand in the world. Like he was telling her to choose between chicken or beef at a wedding. “I’m not an unreasonable man. It’s your choice. Shoot one, the other two get to leave this room. You can leave with them.”

Her breath caught, pulse pounding in her ears. “No,” she choked out. “I can’t—no.”

A hollow laugh rumbled in his chest. “If you don’t, I kill all three.” He pushed the gun in her hands, making sure her fingers were around the grip. “They die slow, I let them turn, and then,” his eyes narrowed, “I let them kill you. So I suggest you pick.”

She quivered, tears streaking down her cheeks. Her gaze darted to the men. Daryl’s arms flexed, his muffled sounds angry but lost under the gag. Merle’s face was set in a glare, and he gave a tiny nod as if to tell her it was okay. She wondered if he knew she could never choose Daryl. If that gave him peace. Meanwhile, Graham’s eyes shone with terror. The weight of the gun felt like lead pulling her soul down.

“I won’t,” she sobbed, shaking her head, voice climbing. “I can’t—please, I can’t!”

The Governor’s face hardened. “Do it. Now.”

She whimpered, raising the weapon with trembling arms. Her tears blurred the men in front of her. She saw the fury in Daryl’s eyes, the grim acceptance in Merle’s, Graham’s frightened desperation. She couldn’t kill any of them. Her chest burned as she made a final, reckless decision. Because the Governor wasn’t letting her out of this no matter what. This wasn’t about sparing anyone. This was about punishing her. Torturing her. He knew she cared about all three of these men. But maybe she would be the only casualty if he was gone.

She thought about Shane. All that training he’d given her with the gun. To push everything else out. Feel it in her hands. Focus on the weight of it. Think about where she was going to shoot. Her body turned and aimed at the Governor, right between the eyes. She pulled the trigger without thought. A click and nothing else. No bullet, just a hollow metallic snap. The Governor let out a low chuckle, stepping closer to pluck the useless gun from her grip.

“I figured you might try that,” he said, amusement lacing his tone. “You know, Natalie. I liked you,” He shook his head in mock regret. “Shame you never trusted me. You’d have made one hell of a soldier. I mean really. You didn’t even hesitate. If there was a bullet in there, I’d be on the ground right now. And I don’t even think you’d regret it,” he mused, as if he was proud of her. He was a psychopath, so maybe he was. He loaded the gun, but kept it this time. “Go on then. Choose which one I’m gonna shoot. I’ll make it quick.”

“No,” she whispered. “I can’t. I won’t.”

“Then you forfeit their lives,” the Governor snapped. “Choose for real this time, or I end them all.”

Her voice came out choked. She shook her head. She couldn’t even see with the tears in her eyes now. Everything was blurry. Her heart hurt. He was yelling at her to choose. His voice louder each time and she screamed, shaking her head, begging him. But it didn’t stop him. She couldn’t take it anymore.

“Kill me,” she said, fresh sobs tearing at her throat as she snapped her head up to face him. “Kill me!” she screamed, voice cracking. “Please! Let them go! I’m the traitor, right? So kill me. Just spare them!” She could hear Daryl’s muffled yells, could see the frantic shake of his head, him struggling against the binds. Merle’s gag muffled whatever he was trying to yell, and Graham’s eyes had gone wide with dread as he shook his own head frantically.

The Governor’s gaze flicked over her face, reading her determination. “Fine,” he said flatly. He stepped away, raising the gun level with her chest.

She stared at the Governor, refusing to look away even as the tears fell down her cheek. She couldn’t look at Daryl anymore. But she needed to think he’d go free. That he’d end up back with the group. “Tell Rick I forgive him,” she choked out. “And tell everyone I love them.” She wasn’t even sure how she got the words out. But as she raised her chin, her breaths evening out, it was oddly less terrifying than she’d thought. Knowing this was the end. Knowing she was done.

But instead, the Governor moved his arm and shot rang out to the side. Graham slumped forward in the chair, blood splattering the wall behind him. Her eyes went wide in terror, her stomach dropping. She couldn’t breathe. She didn’t even recognize the sound that came from her throat as she collapsed to her knees, struggling to see through tears. “You didn’t choose, so I did. Pity for Graham. But he was a traitor. You got under his skin. And now the rest of Woodbury can enjoy the show. Brother vs brother. Winner gets the honor of executing the traitorous woman that killed Graham,” he chuckled.

She forced her eyes up, heart pounding, head throbbing. Graham’s chair was still, his blood puddling across the concrete floor. She felt her stomach lurch. She couldn’t stop staring at him. This was on her. This was all her fault. He’d fine been here in Woodbury until she’d ruined it for him.

“Let’s get them all upstairs,” the Governor commanded as he turned and opened the door. “We’ve got a show to put on,” he smiled at the guards as he left them to collect her, Merle, and Daryl.

Notes:

Thank you for reading, commenting, giving kudos, and bookmarking! You all are the best! 🫶🏻

Whether you're dealing with severe weather or wildfires or anything else that may be going on in your corner of the world, I hope each of you is safe. 💕

Chapter 40

She didn’t have the strength to fight as one of the men pulled her up from the floor, forcing her arms behind her back and pushing her out of the room. All she could think about was how she’d done this. If she hadn’t run into Daryl, he might have escaped. If she hadn’t come to Woodbury, maybe they’d all be better off. Graham would be alive. Merle wouldn’t be headed to the pit to fight his brother. She wouldn’t be losing everything all over again.

They were in the warehouse as the Governor spoke to the others. Made his speech about disloyalty. About the dangers from within their own walls. Fresh tears stung as he told the town how she’d betrayed Graham. How she’d led the outsiders in. And how she’d shot Graham when he’d caught her. Not because she cared about what the town thought. Right now the only people who mattered to her were being held beside her. But because while she might not have pulled the trigger, she certainly was the cause of Graham's death.

They were led out to boos. An angry mob. People who thought she betrayed them. That Merle betrayed them. She narrowed her eyes as the Governor met her eyes, refusing to look away from him. If he was going to kill her in front of the others, he was going to look her in the eye. She wasn’t afraid of him. And she wasn’t afraid to die.

“So what are we to do with two traitors and an oursider?” He asked the town. There were shouts from all around them. Some of them called to shoot them. To give them to the walkers. To banish them. “Now I know Merle was loyal to me. Until she got here. Seduced him. Whispered in his ear at night,” he accused. So he was painting her as not only a liar and a traitor, but as a harlot. “I think it’s only fair we give him an opportunity to show his loyalty. First by taking on his brother in the pit. And then by executing the traitorous whore who caused all this destruction!” He held his arms out, and the crowd cheered. If she had anything left in her tonight, she might have been hurt by it.

Daryl struggled to her right and she looked at him, meeting his eyes. Shaking her head. Fighting would make it worse. If they wanted to get out of here, they needed to wait until the fight started at least. To have both their arms free. He and Merle could make it out if she could provide a distraction. Getting them to leave her might be a problem. She hoped Merle's protective instincts over Daryl would have him pulling his brother to safety instead of trying to rescue her.

She watched as Merle and Daryl were led to the center of the ring. She could see Andrea in the crowd. Their eyes met and she hoped maybe Andrea would help her somehow. But as Andrea ran forward, she was stopped. “They’re my friends!” She was yelling. But the Governor was telling her it wasn’t up to him. Liar. He’d done all of this. She could hear Andrea begging for him to stop it. But she knew better. He didn’t want it to stop.

“Ya’ll know me! I’m gonna do whatever I have to do-” Merle hit Daryl, knocking him down. Natalie cried out, trying to lunge forward. Surely Merle wasn’t actually more concerned with his place in Woodbury than for Daryl. “To prove my loyalty-” A kick that made her stomach twist. “To this town!” He lunged on Daryl, and hit him again.

She struggled against the hands holding her arms as she watched them get up. “Don't make this harder,” Martinez said harshly in her ear. “You’ll be lucky to get a clean death,” he added. She looked over her shoulder and he almost looked sorry. Not that she was friends with him exactly. She didn’t trust him enough for that. And he didn’t trust her either. But he’d shared the story of losing his family with her one night after the run with the Governor. And he’d told her to watch her back, all but confirming that Woodbury was not a place she would have a happy and safe life. They had an understanding of sorts.

She watched as Merle and Daryl fought each other. She could tell they were pulling punches, at least a bit. And she hoped that meant one of them or both had an escape plan. Then came the walkers. They weren’t fighting enough. There wasn’t enough bloodshed which meant the Governor was hoping the walkers would increase that. They both pushed the walkers back, sending their handlers falling as well.

She stomped her foot hard on Martinez, and he let go of her just long enough for her to lunge forward. Except a shot rang out and a walker went down, sending its handler falling with it. Another shot and a young woman she recognized named Haley went down. She stopped, looking at where it came from. A can of smoke was thrown into the arena and her vision was gone. It didn’t matter, because she could hear Merle’s voice yelling for her and Daryl to stay close. And then a hand closed around her arm, still tied behind her back, and pulled her. For a second she tried to struggle, until she realized it was Daryl, pulling her to safety.

He only stopped to pull his crossbow from Shumpert’s hands, and Merle stopped long enough to hit him and she guessed grab a knife. Because as the crowd of people thinned and they made their way toward the front gate, Daryl let go of her arm and took a knife from Merle’s hand, not stopping as he cut through the rope. He handed her the knife and she held it tight in her hand as her eyes finally found Maggie and Rick. And even though she was sure she couldn’t have cried another tear, her vision was blurring. She ran to Maggie, who wrapped her arms tightly around her. Rick met her eyes but just as quickly, he was guiding them through the panel Merle had pulled from the gate. Like he wasn’t sure what to do, seeing her and instead went straight back to being the leader. And she was forced to let go of Maggie, even though she could have cried on her shoulder for hours.

No one spoke as they made their way to the woods, but Daryl was distinctly not looking at her, which brought up more unease. Once the sun was starting to rise and they were sure no one was following, they stopped. “We’re not far off. But you-” he turned to Merle. “You need to keep your mouth shut while I handle you bein here and try to keep them from killing you on sight.” He shook his head, pacing and she recognized him trying to figure out what he was going to do.

Natalie frowned, looking between them. She settled her eyes on Merle. “What did you do?”

He looked almost ashamed. “I was tryin to find Daryl,” he started. “You wanted to find him,” he added, almost as if it was on her that he could do such a thing.

“He kidnapped me and Glenn. Beat Glenn half to death,” Maggie spat angrily.

Natalie looked at him, and for the first time, he was that same redneck from the camp, and not the man she’d come to know over the last couple of months. She’d talked about Maggie and Glenn. He knew what they meant to her. And he had to know that she wouldn’t have traded Daryl for Glenn or Maggie. She could never have chosen between them, the same as she couldn’t choose between Daryl and Merle and Graham in that basement.

Daryl was standing between Maggie and Merle as Maggie spoke, to keep her from attacking him. Which as far as Natalie was concerned, would be deserved. Natalie glanced from one to the other, then back at Merle. He was just shrugging, avoiding eye contact. “You kidnapped Glenn and Maggie,” she heard herself say, voice trembling. “After everything I told you about them—about us—that’s what you did?”

Merle scoffed, shifting on his feet. “Gotta do what I gotta do, girl. You wanted Daryl back, and I—”

Natalie’s fist flew without thinking, connecting with his jaw. Pain jolted through her knuckles and she let out a sharp hiss, stumbling back a step as she shook her hand. Everything else went silent for a beat, even Merle looked stunned. Then he started laughing, low and impressed.

“Damn,” he said, rubbing his jaw, that half-grin forming. “Gotta tell you, that actually hurt.”

She wanted to hit him again, except Maggie was already at her side, grabbing her wrist gently. “Hey,” Maggie murmured, eyes flicking to Natalie’s clenched fist. “Let me see.” Natalie winced, opening her hand to reveal reddening skin and swelling knuckles. Maggie muttered a curse under her breath. “You’ll feel that tomorrow,” she sighed.

“Worth it,” Natalie spat, glaring at Merle. She couldn’t deny her hand throbbed, though, and she swallowed the lump of tears forming in her throat. She felt betrayed all over again, by the one person she’d come to truly rely on and trust in Woodbury. She wanted to scream at him, or punch him again, but she didn’t have the energy. Instead, she turned her gaze on Daryl, half-expecting him to chime in. Except he was deliberately not looking at her, jaw set tight, eyes on the ground. How had they gone from that embrace in Woodbury to him not being able to look her in the eyes?

“We should go,” Rick said, and when her eyes found his, he looked sad. Lost. She wanted to go to him. To tell him she’d forgiven him. To tell him she understood. And she’d missed him so much. And how sorry she was about Lori. To hug him and feel the warmth of someone who would understand her pain with what happened to Graham, and who had her back fully. Because even when she’d been angry with him, he’d always had her back. But she couldn’t bring herself to take that step. Maybe when they were back at the prison, they could have a talk.

They stumbled through the forest, over roots and leaves for what felt like forever, but was probably closer to an hour. But every noise had her on edge. As they reached the spot where Glenn was waiting, Rick took a far lead, ready to intervene.

“What the hell is he doing here?” Glenn had shouted the moment he first spotted Merle. Immediately, Michonne had whipped out her sword, ready to end this once and for all. Natalie’s eyes widened as she spotted Michonne with her people. Would she have avoided all this if she’d left with Michonne that day? Michonne’s eyes met hers but were right back on Merle, instantly.

Glenn softened for a moment when he noticed her step in front of Merle. Mostly to keep Glenn from becoming a murderer, rather than to protect Merle. “Nat?” He frowned, and she could see the relief and confusion cross his face. But then he was full of fury again as he told her to get out of the way, raising his fun again.

Rick stepped between them all, trying to keep Michonne’s blade from connecting. “Put it down!” he’d told her and Glenn.

“He tried to kill me!” Michonne yelled, taking a step closer.

“He helped us get out,” Daryl had snapped back, sounding more defensive than proud.

“Right after he beat the shit out of you,” Rick muttered, clearly not going to give Merle any credit. Not that she could blame him for that. Because right now, she was only protecting Merle for the good of the people she loved.

“Hey, we both took our licks,” Merle had interjected, like it was some mutual spar. Like it had been amusing to him.

“Jackass,” Daryl mumbled, fists clenched.

“Enough!” Rick had shouted, raising his voice above the bickering. Michonne tensed, sword lifted again, and Daryl braced. “I told you to drop that,” Rick warned her, eyes flicking between her and Merle.

Merle made it worse when he mentioned Andrea, casually throwing out all sorts of details. How Andrea was living with the Governor, how Michonne and Andrea spent the winter together. He was stirring the pot, relishing in it.

“Shut up, Merle!” Natalie snapped. She’d already had enough of his mouth, enough of his bullshit. She could practically taste the anger in the air. Glenn’s breathing was ragged, Maggie stood stiff as a statue, and Michonne looked one twitch away from swinging her blade. But Merle kept on, insulting them all. Rick ended it by striking Merle hard with the butt of his gun, knocking him to the ground. “Asshole,” he muttered under his breath.

They talked in circles as they stood out on the road, going over and over what to do with Merle. “It won’t work,” Rick finally said to Daryl, voice taut with regret.

“It's gotta,” Daryl said almost desperately.

“It'll stir things up,” Rick argued quietly. She knew he was doing his best to not cause a rift with Daryl.

“Look, the Governor is probably on the way to the prison right now. Merle knows how he thinks and we could use the muscle,” he tried appealing to their sense of logic and need to survive.

“I'm not havin him at the prison,” Maggie said without question, wrapping her arms around herself.

“Do you really want him sleeping in the same cell block as Carol or Beth? Natalie?” He asked.

On this, she felt the need to speak up. “He’s not like that. I slept in his bed and he didn’t even try to touch me. Merle Dixon is a lot of things, but he’s not a rapist.” Everyone looked at her, because clearly her staying in Merle’s bed was new information to all of them. Even Daryl’s eyes met hers, and he frowned a little.

“Well, his buddy is,” Glenn shot back before she could question the look on Daryl’s face. Maggie gave him a look that Natalie thought indicated she wanted him to shut up. And she couldn’t help but soften, wondering just what they went through down there. What had the Governor done to her?

“They ain't buddies no more. Not after last night,” Daryl replied.

“There's no way Merle's gonna live there without putting everyone at each other's throats,” Rick tried to appeal to him.

“So you're gonna cut Merle loose and bring the last samurai home with us?” Daryl asked frustrated.

Natalie listened to them argue about Michonne. Whether to bring her back or not. Or let Hershel stitch her up before sending her on her way. “She’s an asset. I met her in Woodbury. Her instincts were spot on about the Governor. I think if we take her in, she’ll be a good addition to the group.”

“She's too unpredictable,” Rick shook his head.

“That's right. We don't know who she is. But Merle, Merle's blood,” Daryl said, almost pleading. He knew he was losing this argument. Both of them combined couldn’t get Glenn or Rick or Maggie to accept Merle coming with them after what he did.

“No, Merle is your blood. My blood, my family is standing right here and waiting for us back at the prison,” Glenn told him pointedly.

“And you're part of that family. But he's not. He's not,” Rick told him.

Daryl stared at them for a moment, and she half wondered if he would just leave Merle without more of a fight. “Man, y'all don't know,” he stopped again and seemed to be wrestling with what to say. “Fine. We'll fend for ourselves.”

“What?” Natalie looked at him, begging him to tell her he wasn’t serious. She looked to Rick and Glenn and Maggie, eyes wide. Pleading for them to fix this. She’d just gotten him back. They were finally going to be together again.

“That's not what I was saying,” Glenn told him, frustrated.

“No him, no me,” he said flatly.

“Daryl, you don't have to do that,” Maggie told him.

“It was always Merle and I before this,” he shrugged.

“Don't do this,” Natalie said softly. But he didn’t meet her eyes.

“You serious? You're just gonna leave like that?” Glenn asked.

“You'd do the same thing,” he told them.

“What do you want us to tell Carol?” He asked.

“She'll understand,” he started walking back in the direction of his brother. “Say good-bye to your pop for me,” he told Maggie as he passed her.

Rick and Natalie rushed toward him. She needed Rick to say something, anything that would change his mind. “Daryl, are you serious? Daryl! There's got to be another way.”

“Don't ask me to leave him. I already did that once.” He turned back to the car, opening the hatch, and grabbing his stuff.

“We started something last night. You realize that, huh?” Rick asked him.

“No him, no me. That's all I can say. Take care of yourself. Take care of lil ass-kicker. Carl. He's one tough kid,” he said and turned back to the woods and walking toward Merle.

“Daryl!” She yelled out, unable to just let him go. He turned around and sighed as he approached her. But he didn’t say anything. “So that’s just it? After everything?” Her vision was starting to blur as the tears filled her eyes.

“I can’t leave him again,” he told her.

“But you can just leave us? Me?” She felt like she was falling. This was not how it was supposed to go. She had just gotten him back. “You say Carol will understand but what about me? I don’t understand. I’m right here. I need you to make me understand,” she pleaded, her voice cracking.

“Dunno what to tell you,” he readjusted the bag on his shoulder. “You’ll be fine.”

“I wont,” she shook her head. She stared at him, wiping her cheeks and sniffed. “Alright, I’m comin with you.”

“You’re not,” he shook his head.

“You go, I go,” she told him softly. “I’m comin with you.” The thought of leaving her family hurt. But she had to hope she could convince him to come back. And she couldn’t leave him out there. She knew where her family would be. She didn’t know where he’d go if he left. She’d spent months trying to find him. To get back to him. She couldn’t let him go.

He sighed and looked away from her before his face turned hard. “You told that psycho to shoot you. To save me. I ain’t no good for you. And I don’t want you with us. Gonna get yourself killed and I’m not gonna watch it.”

She bit her lip, frowning. She didn’t want to let him go like this. Angry. But she couldn’t stop herself. Because he was throwing everything away. Everything they’ve built. And he’d told he he’d go with her when she wanted to leave before. She didn’t understand what had changed. Except that now he had his brother so he didn’t need her anymore. She unclipped his knife and threw it on the ground in front of him.

“Don’t,” he told her and he sounded like the same man he’d become. The one who laid under the stars with her. And made her feel like she could breathe again after losing Shane. He’d become the most important person in her world, and he was just leaving her. After all of it.

“Fuck you both,” she muttered as the tears started again and when she turned around. Rick was watching, and she knew he could see her heart breaking. She didn’t even think to stop as she let him wrap his arms around her. Like she hadn’t ignored him for the better part of a year. Like nothing had happened. Because he’d always been a shelter in the storm for her. And losing Daryl after everything that had happened in Woodbury was too much. And she needed the only brother she had left.

Notes:

Don't hate me. We're following canon events here and I feel like Daryl deciding to go back to the prison was good for his growth 🫣 I promise more very soon!

Thank you as always for reading, commenting, giving kudos. You all are so wonderful and supportive! 🫶🏻

Chapter 41

Maggie held her hand as they sat in the car on the way back. Natalie wasn’t sure what had happened to her in Woodbury, but it was clear Maggie didn’t want to talk about it. The same way she didn’t want to talk about anything that happened in Woodbury. It didn’t matter. She knew neither of them had to talk about it to get comfort from each other. As they pulled up to the prison, she could see Carl and Carol, waiting to open the gate. When they arrived at the gate, Rick and Natalie got out. Maggie followed suit, getting in the driver's seat. “Drive em up. We’ll meet you,” Rick told her.

She stood, looking at Carl, who almost looked like he’d seen a ghost. “Hey kid,” she smiled weakly, her eyes glossing over with tears. He lunged toward her, wrapping his arms tightly around her waist and despite the hole in her heart, she was overflowing with love.

He looked up at her. “We thought you were gone.” Tears were streaking his cheeks, and she was reminded that he’d lost so much already. And that she’d been gone during what was the hardest time in his life with the loss of Lori. That he was navigating a hard world, and taking on so much responsibility in the midst of a tragedy.

She swallowed a lump in her throat. “I thought I was too,” she said, and she couldn’t keep her own voice from cracking, despite her attempt to stay strong for him. Maybe if she wasn’t so mentally exhausted and hurt, she could have. “Nothin’s gonna take me away again though. I’ll always be here for you,” she insisted, leaning her cheek on top of his head.

Carol gave her a knowing look when Carl pulled away from her. She hadn’t heard a word of the conversation between Carol and Rick, but it was obvious she knew Daryl was gone. That he wasn’t coming back. “I’m sorry,” Carol whispered as she wrapped her arms around her. “I know what he meant to you. What you meant to him.”

Natalie shook her head because she didn’t want to have this conversation. “Doesn’t matter. He’s gone and we gotta figure out how to move on,” she said. She pulled back, wiping at her cheeks. It wasn’t that she was truly mad at Daryl. It was his brother. And had it been Shane, she probably would have done the same. The problem was she understood that. And that he didn’t want her with him. That he was holding it against her that she couldn’t watch him or Merle die for her. She took a deep breath and walked alongside Rick and Carl up toward the prison.

Beth was the first to run up to them. She hugged Rick and kissed his cheek before she stared at Natalie with that same expression everyone else had. But it only lasted a few moments before she was smiling and hugging her, and telling her how much everyone had missed her.

Her eyes took in the missing part of Hershel’s leg. His crutch holding him up. “Oh Hershel,” she frowned. He held out his arms and she found comfort as she wrapped her arms around him. “I’m so sorry,” she told him as she pulled back, tears in her eyes again. God, she was tired of crying. She didn’t even know how she had anything left.

Hershel shook his head, a comforting smile spreading over his face. “Everything happens as it should. I have my life. And my girls' lives,” He pauses. “Something tells me you’ve been through some trials of your own. I’m thankful the lord has seen fit to finally bring you home.”

“Me too,” she nodded. Home. Not the place, but everyone around her. Hershel’s words hit her hard. Because they had no idea what she’d been through, just like she had no idea what they’d been through.

“Go on ahead. I need to talk to Hershel,” Rick told the others, and Carl grabbed her hand to pull her with him inside. He pulled her to the cellblock, eager to introduce her to Judith.

She smiled as she looked at the tiny little thing Carl placed in her arms. She never thought she’d get the chance to meet her niece. Never thought she’d truly have her own niece. She bounced as she stroked the baby’s cheek. “She’s amazing,” she smiled at Carl. A true, genuine smile. She felt joy. She didn’t think it was even possible to feel joy anymore. But Daryl had been right. She loved her.

“She has mom’s eyes,” He said proudly.

Natalie nodded, smiling at him as she held one arm out, pulling him to her. She may have lost Daryl, but she was realizing maybe this was why he didn’t want her to go with him. He knew she needed this. That if she lost everything else, these two kids were enough for her. That they could keep her from spiraling. That they were truly her home.

She watched Rick with the baby and her heart hurt because she could see the detachment. She wondered if it was because of the loss of Lori or because of Shane, or if it was just everything right now. His eyes found hers and he nodded toward the canteen area they’d passed through. There was a whole group inside she didn’t recognize. Newcomers apparently. But ready to fight for them, as if it was a gift from God. Tyreese, his sister Sasha, and the other two, Ben and Allen. To be honest, she didn’t like the way Allen was watching them all. But Tyreese seemed like a nice man. And he was big. Which she hoped meant he was a fighter. Losing Daryl and Merle, they needed this.

Which is why Natalie panicked when Rick was screaming and pointing his gun around, yelling for them to get out. The newcomers started to leave, and all she could think was what was going to happen to them? They seemed like good people. Willing to help. Willing to fight. And Rick was sending them away when their group needed more people desperately. She wondered if this is what Daryl meant when he’s warned her about Rick’s mental state. Because he sounded like he’d lost his mind.

She looked over to Rick, who didn’t even seem to see anyone, before rushing out behind the group. '“Wait!” Tyrese and Sasha turned around. The other men didn’t seem to want to hear anything from her. “Please don’t go.”

“Your leader clearly doesn’t want us here,” Tyreese answered.

“He’s clearly not stable,” Sasha muttered.

“Listen, he’s just going through somethin, alright? He can come around. I can make him come around.”

“You the psychiatrist? Because that’s what he needs” Sasha asked, eyebrow arched.

“Sister,” she answered automatically. A reflex. Except it almost felt foreign to her after so long. It didn’t matter though, because the only thing that mattered was salvaging this group of people who were willing to fight for them. People who could keep Carl and Judith safe.

“Sister? Wouldn’t have guessed. You seem nice and normal,” Sasha responded.

Natalie would have smiled at that if she hadn’t been so desperate. “Just give us a chance to talk to him. For me to talk to him. I can convince him.”

“You seem like a sweet girl,” Tyreese said gently. “But your brother seems a little unhinged. We don’t want to be somewhere we’re not wanted. And as a sister out here defending her brother, I’m sure you can understand me when I say that I'm not willing to put my sister in harms way on a hope and a prayer.”

Natalie nodded. He was not wrong. If someone had been acting that way, she would never accept to stay there and risk her family. Because while she knew Rick, they were meeting him at the worst time. “He lost a lot,” she told them softly. “If you would have met him before-" she stopped. She wondered if she’d been there, would he still be this way still? Had she started this whole thing when she’d disappeared? Maybe Lori had just been the breaking point.

“I’m sure you guys are a good group. But we gotta find our way. I appreciate that you came out here to talk to us. I hope you guys stay safe,” Tyreese told her.

“Take care of your brother,” Sasha smiled at her.

She sighed and reentered the common area where everyone was still standing. Rick had quieted and seemed to be back in a stupor. “What the hell was that?” She stood in front of him. “We needed them!” He didn’t reply and it just made her angrier. “Rick, we lost Daryl and started a war with a psychopath! We had 4 people wander in and volunteer to help us and you send them away?”

“Natalie,” Hershel said softly.

“No! He needs to get his shit together!” She yelled but he just kept looking up at the platform above, whispering to himself. “Rick, we need you!” Her voice broke as she pleaded with him. “I know what you lost. But I watched someone I loved die last night because of me! And I lost-" she stopped, not wanting to say his name. “We’ve all lost shit, but we’re not losin our fuckin minds!”

“Come on,” Carol grabbed her around the shoulders and pulled her back into the cell block. “You had a long night. No sleep. You should rest,” she told her when she got to her cell. Natalie shook her head, wiping her face. “There’s nothing we can do about it. They’re gone, moving on. We’ve got to make the best with what we’ve got.”

“He left us. We needed him and he left us,” she looked at Carol, her bottom lip quivering. “Rick’s lost his mind and Glenn’s so angry he can’t look at anyone. We can’t fight anyone like this,” she told her.

“Michonne seems to be able to handle herself. You can. The rest of us have learned to protect ourselves. We still have protection.”

“You know that’s not enough,” she shook her head.

“Natalie, I promise we’ll figure everything out. But first you need to get some sleep. You’re exhausted. You’ve dealt with apparently a lot more than anyone realized. We’ll make a plan in the morning,” Carol rubbed her shoulder.

“How could he leave us?” She asked in a small voice. She felt like a child who’s parents had gotten divorced. Wondering why she wasn’t good enough.

“He had to. It’s his brother,” Carol told her. “You were going to leave with Shane,” she reminded her gently. “It’s something he had to do. You can dislike it. But it doesn’t mean he doesn’t care about us. You can’t know this because you were gone. But I’m telling you it affected him more than he’d ever want to admit. And I promise that leaving you, and the rest of us, wasn’t something that was easy for him,” she stood up. “Please get some sleep. Even a few hours. I promise things will look better in the morning.” Natalie nodded and laid down on her side, tucking her knees up to her chest and cried herself to sleep.

In the morning, everyone was already in the common area, minus Rick, who they’d informed her had gone out to the yard. Glenn was drawing out a map on the ground with chalk as Carl talked him through where he had found Tyreese. “The whole front of the prison is unsecure. If walkers got in, it’s gonna be cake for armed men,” Glenn told them.

She listened as everyone argued the merits of attacking Woodbury. But she saw no outcome in which this worked out well for their group. Maybe the people of Woodbury spent too much time behind walls, but that didn’t mean they couldn’t defend themselves.

“We can’t go back there,” she shook her head.

“It’s the best option,” Glenn insisted.

“No, it’s the option you want because you want revenge. You’re not thinkin clearly,” she shook her head. “You don’t know him. I do. And I’m tellin you, it’s a bad idea. He’s probably already plannin an attack. So goin now isn’t gonna catch him off guard. They’ll see you comin a mile away.”

Glenn didn’t like her answer, despite Hershel counseling that she was right. Her lips were in a tight line as she listened to them argue back and forth about running or staying. Truly though, she didn’t want to run. She didn’t want to go somewhere Daryl couldn’t return. Because it was all she’d thought about the previous night. And it had been the single good dream in a sea of nightmares which involved the Governor killing every person in the prison in front of her.

“We can't run,” Glenn demanded. “We're gonna defend this place. We're making a stand. Carl, you and I will go down to the tombs. We need to figure out where the breach is.”

“You got it.”

“Wait a minute. He’s 12,” Natalie told Glenn, angrily. “You can’t take him into a breach with who knows how many walkers.”

“He’s a good shot. And I’ll protect him,” Glenn said dismissively.

“Yeah, because you seem to be so concerned with your own life right now, tryin to go back to Woodbury,” she crossed her arms. “Your current state of mind doesn’t exactly inspire confidence in your ability to keep my nephew safe.”

“I’ll be fine, Natalie,” Carl told her quietly. “I wanna go. I need to help. You’ve been gone, but I’m not a kid anymore,” She sighed and chewed at her lip. She knew at this point he was proficient at protecting himself, and she couldn’t treat him like a kid forever. She nodded grudgingly.

“You'll need some help,” Axel told him.

“No, in case anything happens, I need you out here,” he looked around at the group. “Who's on watch?” When no one answered her stormed off. “Damn it.”

As the hours ticked by, Natalie became more worried about Glenn and Carl. “He’s reckless,” she told Hershel. “We need Daryl. I could go back and try to find him. At this point, we could even deal with Merle.”

“You can’t go out there running through the woods. You’re not a tracker. And they probably are careful not to leave too much behind,” Hershel reasoned, putting a hand on her shoulder.

“We can’t lose anyone else,” Maggie told her. And the tone in her voice made her not want to argue. Because the words she hadn’t added was that Maggie didn’t want to lose her again.

She nodded. “Fine, then I’m gonna go find Rick.”

“What are you going to do when you find him?” Hershel asked, clearly concerned she might start yelling again rather than be helpful.

“I don’t know. Talk to him? Hit him? I don’t really have a plan yet,” she told them. “But we need him. The him he used to be.”

“He needs to deal with whatever he’s dealing with. You can’t just fix him,” Hershel told her.

“I can’t sit an do nothing while our group breaks apart either,” she shook her head. “Glenn is so angry, he can’t lead. Daryl’s gone. Rick’s off the deep end, leavin him out of the leadership role too. Someone’s gotta do something!”

“I don’t like you walking around out there with all of this going on,” Hershel told her. “I know you can handle yourself. But if you’re right and he’s planning an attack, you could be a target,” he said softly.

Natalie nodded. “I know. But I have to do somethin. And there’s nothin else I can do right now,” she told him. And she left them to head to the yard. She didn’t see Rick, but she did see Michonne. “Have you seen Rick out here?” She asked as she approached her.

“Went outside the fence,” she answered. “I think he’s lost his mind. Looked like he was hallucinating. Talking to someone.”

Natalie groaned. “Damn it,” she muttered. Once she was out, she walked around to the far side where Michonne had indicated that he had been. As she walked, she looked back and saw Glenn taking the truck out of the main gate. She hoped he wasn’t off to Woodbury. But he was already gone and she couldn’t worry about that. She’d have to talk to Hershel when she got back to find out. She finally saw Rick coming out from the woods across the creek. “Rick!”

“What’re you doing out here?” He asked.

“Lookin for you,” she put her hands on her hips. “You’re out here doing who knows what while everything is falling apart.”

“Nat, I just-” He looked around like he was searching for something. “I need to be alone.”

“You need to get your shit together,” she told him. “You have no idea who the Governor is. I do. And we need all hands on deck right now. Please get it together for the sake of your kids,” she pleaded. “You told me at the farm that Judith is yours. My brother died for that. So be her fuckin father! Be here to protect her!” This seemed to snap him back to reality. His eyes found hers, and she could see so much pain. There was a time they wouldn’t be carrying their pain alone. That they’d have leaned on each other through it all. She wondered if they could get back there. They hadn’t spoken since he hugged her after Daryl left. She wasn’t sure if either of them would have known what to say.

“Rick!” Hershel called from the yard.

“Hershel, what are you doing?” Natalie asked. “What’s wrong?” She knew something had to be if he’d come all the way down here.

“Both of you, just go,” Rick started to walk off back in the direction he had come from, his lucid moment gone.

“I wouldn’t have hobbled down here if it weren’t important,” He called out to Rick. “Are you coming back soon? Glenn's on the warpath. Smart as he is, he can't fill your boots. I'm afraid he's reckless,” Hershel told him. “He left on his own. For all I know, he could be headed back to Woodbury.”

“Well, if you're so worried about him, you lead,” Rick told them.

“What are you doing out here?”

Rick looked around again and then stared at them. “I've-I’ve been,” he stopped. “I got stuff out here.”

“Stuff. How much longer do you need?” Hershel asked carefully.

“I don't know. I don't-” he stopped and she wondered if he was going to freak out again.

“Is there anything I can help you with?” Hershel asked calmly.

He looked to her, and then to Hershel. He was quiet for a few moments. “I saw something. Lori. I saw Lor-” He stammered. “I'm seeing Lori,” he told them clearly. As if now that he’d said it, he could really tell them. So Michonne had been right. “Look, I know it's not really her. But there's got to be a reason. It's got to mean something, you know.”

“Was it her on the phone?” Hershel asked and Natalie looked at him confused.

“Phone?” She asked, but Hershel gave her a look that told her not to ask.

“Yeah. Shane, too. And the town,” Rick told him. The mention of her brother’s name send a pain through her stomach.

“Do you see them now?” Hershel asked.

“You're looking for them,” Natalie practically whispered.

“I'm waiting.”

“For what?” Hershel asked.

“I don't know. Something. There's an answer. I know it doesn't make sense-” Rick stopped.

“Well, it does. It can make sense. I mean, I think in time it will make sense,” Hershel spoke like he would to a child. “Come on in. You need rest. It’s not safe out here.”

“I can't. I can't,” Rick shook his head. He started to cross the bridge again.

“I’ll keep trying,” Natalie told Hershel before turning to follow Rick. Maybe he wouldn’t listen, but he wasn’t going to stop her from staying out here to keep an eye on him. If he was seeing Lori, if he thought he was talking to them, then he needed someone to watch over him. She had no idea if he’d think one of the walkers was Lori or Shane. If he’d get too close. If he wouldn’t see them. “Rick,” she called after him but he didn’t turn around. Until they heard a single gunshot back toward the prison.

Notes:

I did promise I'd have this up soon. I actually sort of had this and chapter 40 together, but I having a 6k word chapter felt insane to me.

Hope you enjoy! And thank you as always! 🫶🏻

Chapter 42

They both stared back in the direction of the gunshot. There was a truck and they knew the governor had come. Then came automatic gunfire from the woods. “Down!” Rick called out to her as he ran back across the creek and dove into the tall grass on the other side of it. He laid on his back next to her.

Except he didn’t immediately realize that she hadn’t ducked because she was smart. She had been kicked over by a searing pain in her arm. “Rick,” she was panicked as her hand went to her arm and came away, covered in her own blood. She cursed and hissed. There was more gunfire from the prison now. She couldn’t be sure but she hoped it was their group returning fire. She’d left them. She should be up there with them right now. If she had been, maybe she wouldn’t have been shot.

"Oh God, Nat,” Rick whispered as he forced himself up just a bit. Rick leaned up and aimed across the bridge, returning fire to where it had come from. “Stay down,” he told her as she tried to look back toward Hershel. He leaned up again to take a few more shots. And then came the loud roaring of an engine and the unmistakable sound of the gate being destroyed. There was no more gunfire as everyone waited. She leaned her head back to see. There were walkers pouring out of the truck.

“Hershel,” Natalie whispered as she saw him peek up just above the grass, seeing the same thing they were. Rick got higher, aiming his gun at the walkers but the gunfire behind them started again and he threw himself on the ground.

“Damnit,” she heard him mutter as he turned to fire on Martinez again. Fucking Martinez shot her. She almost wished she’d get a chance to hit him for that. Or return the favor. “Hershel! Get out of there! Go!” He yelled over his shoulder. “I’m out,” he told her.

“Here,” she replied as she held out her pistol. He easily cleared the dead around them, and cleared any that were too close to Hershel, to her relief.

“They’re leaving,” he told her as he saw the men getting back into the truck. But there were too many walkers. She saw Hershel get up, shooting at the walkers that were heading his way. Someone needed to get to him. He didn’t have extra rounds and he couldn’t outrun the walkers.

“Can you get up?” Rick grabbed for her hand as he realized they were getting overrun too. Her gun was out too. She nodded. Every step they took, every movement of her arm, she was on fire. “Rick,” she looked at him questioningly. She was starting to panic. There were too many around them and while she generally had a lot of faith in her ability to fight, she didn’t want to take this chance with only one good arm.

“We’ll be fine,” he told her. He got her back to the fence. “Stay here. I’m gonna clear a path.” No worry there, she thought. She didn’t want to move her arm. It ached and burned. She was more likely to get them both killed if she went charging after the walkers armed with only her knife. Rick charged toward the closest one, beating it over the head with his pistol. “Rick!” She yelled as one, then another got him pinned to the fence. But she was cut off by one who had grabbed hold of her and done the same. She stabbed it under the jaw, but the knife went in at an odd angle, and did nothing to stop the walker. She pushed her good arm out as far as she could, trying to lock it to keep it at a distance. But it was bigger than her. Stronger than her. She bent her knee to use it as leverage to keep it further back, screaming as she forced her left arm up to keep it away. But then the weight was gone and she looked over to see Merle had it on the ground, beating it’s head again and again.

“Miss me?” He smiled up at her before continuing to beat on the walker.

She turned to see Rick had been freed as well, and then followed his line of sight to where Daryl was standing there, shooting at the others that were coming near them. She grabbed the knife from the walker Merle had finished off as he moved on to the others around them. As they took out the last one, she saw Daryl and Rick exchange a nod. Merle just laughed. She stared through the fence to the yard where more were coming in from outside. “What are we gonna do?” She asked. Rick just stared, in his own world again. “Rick!” She grabbed his arm. “I need you to be here right now! What are we going to do?!” She screamed at him. He just continued to stare at the place that had held safety just the earlier in the morning. He was losing it again. Slipping.

She hadn’t even seen Daryl jogging toward her until he was in front of her. “Were you bit?” He asked. His blue eyes were wide and he looked like he was itching to grab her and inspect her wound.

“Shot,” she groaned.

Daryl came closer. “I don’t need you,” she said through gritted teeth. She knew he meant well but she was already upset with him. And she wasn’t helpless. Just in pain.

“Gotta clear the yard. Somehow get the fence back up,” Daryl said. “Gonna just have to make a run for it to the gate though.”

“So you’re just back?” She turned to him and she heard Merle laugh.

“Told ya she’d be fumin, baby bro.”

“Shut the fuck up,” she said through gritted teeth. “You don’t know shit about me, Dixon,” she growled. That was a lie. Merle knew her well by now. But she was so angry with him, she wished she’d never talked to him. That she’d never confided in him while she was in Woodbury. Never given him a chance to betray her. To feel stupid.

“Is that any way to show your appreciation for savin your life?” He asked, stepping closer to her. “You and I both know I know you, little deputy. You’re just angry at me. And at Daryl. And yourself,” he said, quietly.

She raised her right arm back with a groan of frustration, but Daryl grabbed it before she could swing forward. “You’re gonna break your knuckles tryin to hit him again,” He said quietly when she looked back at him.

Merle was grinning at her. “Told Daryl I get what he sees in you now. All that fight,” he licked his lips and she contemplated trying to attack him again. But she also knew him enough to know this was his way to get her to not ignore him. Because this wasn’t the Merle who’d sat in her apartment with her in Woodbury, letting her talk about her life. Or sharing his own. This was the asshole from camp that liked to rile her up.

She ripped her arm from Daryl’s grasp with an angry huff and moved around the corner toward the main gate. “Come on, you gonna just go in there alone?”

She turned back to look at Rick who was still staring at the yard. “Looks like it.”

“Is he alright?” Daryl caught up with her, asking quietly. He glanced behind them. Rick had finally joined them, but he still looked broken. He’d seen what the governor could do to them now.

“Why do you care?” She asked. “You left us.” She knew it wasn’t fair. She wasn’t the best version of herself right now. Her brain told her he didn’t deserve the level of venom in her voice. But seeing him here, it brought those feelings back. Him telling her he didn’t want her to go with him. Choosing to leave her.

“How long are you gonna hold that over my head? I’m back,” he frowned at her.

“Well so far the 5 minutes that you’ve been back hasn’t felt like enough. I’ll let you know when I figure it out,” she narrowed her eyes.

She looked over to the yard when she heard an engine. Maggie was in the truck, pulling outside the gate and to them. “Come on,” she called out, stopping. She climbed in front and Daryl, Rick and Merle started toward the back, climbing in.

“Thank you,” Natalie hugged Maggie when they got out of the truck.

“What the hell is he doing here?” Glenn asked when he saw Merle. He looked at Maggie almost accusingly.

“We’ll talk about it later,” Hershel told them. “We need to get Natalie inside,” he instructed as he looked at her arm. Her sleeve was covered in blood and she knew it probably looked worse than it was.

“I’m fine,” she insisted, though she didn’t feel it. “I think it just grazed me,” she added. She didn’t have a giant hole in her arm. It was along the outside. She knew it hurt, but she was sure it wasn’t going to kill her as long as they took care of it.

Hershel brought her into the cell which had the first aid supplies, sitting on the bed next to her. Daryl followed inside, and even despite the look on her face, he just stood there, chewing at his thumbnail as he watched her pull her shirt over her head, leaving her in her tank top and exposing the wound. “You were right. Just grazed,” Hershel's voice was reassuring as he looked at her. “I could stitch it,” he started but she shook her head.

“Can we avoid that?” She asked. Honestly, the idea of poking a needle through her skin made her want to run and hide. She watched Daryl watching her before Rick walked past, and Daryl followed him.

Hershel nodded, insisting they could clean it and bandage it for now. But that she’d need to be diligent in keeping it clean. She hissed every time he dabbed at it, her fingernails digging into her palms. “You’re lucky,” he told her.

“Even luckier we’ve got you,” she forced herself to smile, despite the pain. She watched as Daryl and Rick talked, and she couldn’t help but think she was the topic by the way they looked at her occasionally. “Take these,” he handed her a bottle of ibuprofen. “They’ll help manage your pain. Not as good as what I’d like to give you if we had it, but better than nothing,” He said comfortingly.

She nodded and thanked him as she stood, leaving him and Daryl behind her. She popped one in her mouth and swallowed, walking slowly toward the cells. She just wanted to lay in her bed and fall asleep until she felt better. But she knew she wouldn’t sleep. Not with this pain. And they needed to work out a plan.

They argued back and forth. In circles. To go or not to go, it wasn’t clear which was best. The prison provided shelter. But the Governor would be back. She knew it. Merle knew it. “That truck through the fence thing, that's just him ringing the doorbell. We might have some thick walls to hide behind, but he's got the guns and the numbers. And if he takes the high ground around this place, shit, he could just starve us out if he wanted to.”

“Let's put him in the other cell block,” Rick raised a hand dismissively as he turned away from Merle.

“No. He's got a point,” Natalie said and Rick looked her questioningly. “Look, I hate to agree with Merle right now about anything,” she said, and Merle tilted his head at her, like he didn’t understand her anger. Fuck him though. If he didn’t understand why she was angry, maybe she should have made that choice in the basement. She took a breath, knowing that wasn’t true. Because deep down, she knew she’d make the same decision over and over. She’d never have been able to live with making a choice.

“You think he’s right? That the Governor will come back? That he’ll keep this up?” Rick asked.

She nodded. “He hates me. He’s tried to kill me already. More than once now. And Merle, Daryl and I getting away? That’s not acceptable to someone like him. Add in what Michonne did to him,” she looked over at Michonne who didn’t look even a little bit ashamed at what she’d done. Natalie honestly wasn’t sorry about it either. He deserved it. She hated him. “If we’re stayin, we need to play defense. And we gotta be ready to fight. Because this isn’t gonna end until one side’s lost,” she told him. “If we’re leavin, we should go soon.”

He stared at her, and he almost looked like himself. And then he started to walk away.

“Get back here!” Hershel got up from where he was sitting on the stairs. And the harshness of it startled him. He spoke softer as he approached Rick. “You’re slipping. We’ve all seen it. We understand why. You once said this isn’t a democracy. Now you have to own up to that. I put my family’s lives in your hands. Get your head clear and do something.” Rick stared at him for a moment before he walked away.

Natalie closed her eyes, sighing and shaking her head as she followed. “Rick,” she said softly. She watched him roll up the gate to the loading dock, letting in blinding sunlight to where they were standing. “You can’t just avoid this. You’re gonna have to make a decision.”

His eyes were rimmed red, and it made them look even more blue than normal. His brows were furrowed with worry, and she thought he was going to tell her he’d seen Lori again. “You got shot today,” he choked out. He took a heavy breath. “You could have died because of me. Of-of my hallucinations,” his voice broke.

She’d never been good with seeing her brothers cry. It had always broken her. “I’m alright,” she insisted. “Grazed me,” she shrugged. “I’m tough,” she forced a small smile, trying to keep herself together.

He nodded. “I know,” he said and it was almost a whisper. “You went through something awful in Woodbury,” he said, quietly.

She nodded, trying not to cry any more. She didn’t want to talk about it. She didn’t think she ever wanted to revisit that basement, if she was being honest. “I’m sorry about Lori,” she forced out, and it didn’t feel like enough. She wasn’t sure anything could ever be enough for that loss. He nodded and sniffed, looking down. She could see his shoulders shake as his hand reached up, his thumb and forefinger pinching the bridge of his nose.

She stepped forward, and wrapped her right arm around his waist, and she felt him almost relax as he wrapped his arms around her shoulders. And she was reminded of the last time this happened, when Carl was shot and Shane had left to find the medical equipment he needed. Shane had been their rock. And Rick had lost it all that night too. Both of them had lost everything. “It’s not your fault. What happened to her,” she said through her tears, and even though he nodded against her. She’d talked to Carol about it briefly. How it happened. She hadn’t wanted to ask Carl or Rick.

Rick pulled back, and he sniffed, shaking his head. “I was so angry at her. I couldn’t forgive her. For putting me in that position with Shane. I lost him, and you, and her all at once,” he said. “After you didn’t come back, we started. But I couldn’t ever forgive her for the way you and I left things. I thought I’d have time here. Once we settled and the baby was born, we could find each other again.” he ran his hand through his hair. “There’s never enough time.”

She wiped at her cheeks as heavy tears fell. “You couldn’t have known. Same as you didn’t know I wasn’t gonna come back.” She shook her head. “I never thought I’d leave and never see her again. Or that I’d have left things with you the way I did,” she said. “Things just happen. We gotta always be prepared now.”

He nodded. “I’m so sorry. For Shane,” he choked out.

“I know,” she tried to keep her composure, but her throat was tight. She didn’t want to talk about Shane. She couldn’t. So instead, she hugged him again. “I miss him,” she whispered. She felt him nod against her. “I missed you too,” she choked out. “When I was alone. And in Woodbury. I just wanted you to tell me what to do,” she sniffed, unable to lift her head from his shoulder. She wasn’t sure she could look him in the eye while she told him. “I wanted you to tell me everything would be okay. That I’d be okay,” she admitted.

He pulled back, and he wiped her cheeks. “You’re okay. Everything you’ve been through, and you’re out here comforting me,” he furrowed his brow. “You’re gonna be okay, no matter what happens,” he assured her. She nodded, leaning on his chest again. Taking comfort in this connection she’d thought was severed. He stroked her hair and she closed her eyes. “You should talk to Daryl,” he said finally.

“I know,” she agreed. She pulled back, pushing her hair behind her ears. “I just don’t know what to say right now.” She was still mad, even if she understood. “I’ll figure it out though. I won’t let this put us in danger,” she promised.

“You know I’m not worried about that,” he said softly, frowning a bit. “He was the first person to make you smile again after Shane,” he added. “And when you were gone, he-” he sighed. “I can’t speak for him. I just know you both seemed at peace when you were good.”

That was the truth. She’d always been at peace with Daryl. But she wasn’t sure she was ready to really talk about it. With him. With Daryl. She just needed to focus on one thing right now and that was making sure her family survived another day. “Hershel’s right, Rick. You need to make a choice. You chose to be the leader. Nobody forced this on you.”

He thought for just a moment before speaking again. “I think we should stay. Leaving would be the wrong choice. We lost so much to get here, we can't abandon it.”

She nodded. “I think you’re right,” she told him. “So go tell them. And we can make a plan.”

Notes:

Thank you so much for reading! Hope you still love it! As always, I appreciate each one of you! 🫶🏻

Chapter 43

Glenn caught her early the next morning. “You want to walk with me?” He asked. He didn’t sound angry like he had since she’d returned. He sounded exhausted. She nodded. She hadn’t talked to him since she’d been back. Of all the reunions she’d dreamed about, she’d never thought she’d be at odds with Glenn instead of hugging him and telling him how much he missed him while she was gone.

“I’m sorry,” he started. “That I’ve been so angry. That I haven’t even hugged you. It’s not that I didn’t miss you, I just-”

“I know,” she nodded. “You’ve been angry. I get it,” she said quietly. “So have I. I hate him too, you know. Not just for what he did to me. But he hurt Maggie. And you. And-” she looked away for a moment, not wanting to have to explain Graham to him. “And if I could go in there and kill him, I wouldn’t hesitate.”

“Do you…want to talk about what happened to you?” He asked. But she shook her head. “Maggie doesn’t either.” He ran a hand through his hair. “Can I just tell you I missed you?”

“Of course,” she smiled softly. She didn’t need any apologies. She didn’t want them. Because there was nothing to forgive. Glenn had always been her family since the start of this. And Maggie had become her sister. And so she understood the anger. The irrationality of his anger because she’d told the Governor to shoot her. She couldn’t imagine how Glenn felt, unable to help Maggie. Unable to protect her, or fix her. She reached out and hugged him. “Maggie will be okay. But you gotta let her handle her own trauma,” she whispered. And she hoped that was true. Because she hoped it meant she would be fine too.

When Beth offered to let her feed Judith, she jumped at the opportunity. Holding this little girl in her arms, she knew she would always have a piece of her brother with her. She hoped she got Shane’s fearlessness. Lori's love. Rick's moral compass. Maybe she would have all of all the best parts of her parents.

When she made her way back toward her cell, she found Daryl sitting on her bed. It was strange, to have these conflicting feelings about seeing him. Happiness that he was back. Relief that he wasn’t out there on the road. Betrayal that he left her. She sighed and leaned against the wall across from him, waiting for him to speak.

“So how’re you feelin?” He asked. She should have known this was going to be awkward.

“Like I got shot,” she arched a brow.

He nodded as if he'd expected the answer. Because he knew her. Knew how she was when she was upset. He sighed. “I meant about me comin back,” he stopped, looking unsure.

“I'm still mad at you,” she told him honestly. “You abandoned us. Abandoned me. You told me you didn’t want me.” He looked at her like he wasn’t surprised by anything she was saying.

“I couldn’t leave him again. He didn’t have anywhere to go,” he said almost pleadingly. Like he needed her to understand. He had to know she did. But her brain and her heart were different. “And you couldn’t leave Rick and Carl and Judith.”

She shifted her weight, trying to find the right words. She wanted things to be normal, but she didn’t know how to get there. She wasn’t sure she could get there after Graham. Because now Daryl was all tangled up in that trauma. “I know why you left. I do. And I want to forgive you. Do you think I enjoy being mad at you?”

“Sometimes,” the corner of his lips curled up slightly.

"Daryl,” she sighed. “I’m glad you’re back. We need you here. You’re family. That’s never going to change.” She wanted him to understand that even when she was mad at him, she needed him. That she still wanted him around. That no matter what happened between them, she’d never not want him with them.

“But you don’t trust me,” His jaw set.

“I trust you with my life,” she told him honestly. “But Merle isn't a part of this family. I don’t know that he ever will be after what he did to Glenn and Maggie. So what happens when he gets sick of the way people look at him? Or if he does something stupid and hurts someone? You gonna take off with him?”

“I was comin back either way,” he told her quietly. “I’m not leavin again.”

“I never would have thought you would have before. After the farm,” tears filled her eyes. “You were there with me every day. And then when I got lost, all I wanted to do was find you. You were still there with me, on my mind every day.”

“And you don’t think you were on mine?” He frowned. She could see his body was tense. She hated that she was the reason for it.

“That’s not what I said.” She was saying everything wrong. “You left me.”

“You left me first,” he told her. He stood, and she could see this was the tipping point. They weren’t going to have a productive conversation after this. “You went off after the run and I had to live with the fact that you were dead,” he added, stepping closer. “Except apparently you weren’t. You were in Woodbury sleepin in Merle’s bed,” he was pacing in front of her now. She started to interrupt him because that’s not what happened. “No,” he stopped her. “I took care of your family. I did what I thought you’d want. And then I find you, and you tell that asshole to shoot you! You think that was somethin I could have lived with, Nat?” He stopped moving, staring at her with a deep frown.

“So you’re mad at me because I couldn’t choose to let him shoot you, your brother, or the man I thought I loved before all this? What the hell else was I supposed to do, Daryl? You think I could have lived with that choice?” She asked accusingly. Because the implication that she actively tried to get herself shot. That she would choose to die instead of finding her family, it wasn’t fair. “You left me and you’re sayin it’s my fault?”

“I’m sayin I can’t keep watchin you put you last! It’s like you got no fuckin survival instincts! I meant what I said about not watchin you die, Nat. The hell do you think I was gonna do after watchin him shoot you? You tried to leave first,” he shook his head and threw his hands out.

“Guys,” Carol’s voice broke through the tension. Both of them turned to look at her. “Andrea’s here,” she said. “Rick needs you outside,” she looked at Daryl. He nodded and didn’t look back before heading outside. Carol didn’t move though. “That sounded heated,” she observed. Natalie chewed at her lip, nodding. “I wasn’t eavesdropping. You two were yelling pretty loud,” she started. “Do you want to talk about what happened?”

Natalie took a breath, realizing what she meant. That the others heard, at least some of it. That they’d have that information about what happened in the basement. “No,” she shook her head and pushed past Carol. Hershel gave her a concerned look as she walked into the canteen area, but thankfully he didn’t say anything.

She waited impatiently as everyone filtered in, and Andrea looked around them. She saw Andrea’s eyes flick to the bandage on her arm with concern. “Are you-”

“She’s fine,” Rick stepped in front of her, cutting Andrea off. “No thanks to your boyfriend.” Andrea frowned, trying to find Natalie’s eyes, but she couldn’t make herself look at Andrea. Because she didn’t understand how her instincts were so far off with the Governor.

“I don’t condone what happened here, Rick. But he wanted to make peace-”

Merle barked out a laugh. “That’s what you think, blondie? That he rolled up here to try to make things better? He wanted to welcome me and Natalie back to Woodbury? Roll out the welcome mat for the group that just attacked and took his new favorite toys away?” He crossed his arms, leaning against the wall. “Guess all those nights between the sheets are blindin you to what’s really goin on. He came here to prove a point.”

“He said you shot first,” Andrea argued.

Natalie furrowed her brows, but Rick spoke calmly. He sounded like himself. The old him. “He’s lying. He came in, knocked down our gate. Killed one of the inmates who lived here. Shot Natalie.”

“Actually that was Martinez,” Natalie spoke up for the first time, stepping out from behind Rick. “You tell him the next time I see him, I owe him a bullet. He’ll be lucky if it’s just a graze.”

“I didn’t know about any of that. But we can still work this out. Peacefully,” Andrea said softly. Looking at her pleadingly, like she needed her to believe that. It might be true. But that fact that she was still trying to defend the Governor was all she needed to know.

“Peacefully. Ain’t no chance of that. We all know that,” Merle mused. “Not as long as me, Natalie, and your girl Michonne are still alive.”

Andrea looked around. “I don’t get it. I left Atlanta with you people and now I’m the odd man out?”

Glenn was the first to speak. “He almost killed Michonne. And he would have killed us.”

“With his finger on the trigger!” She pointed at Merle. “Isn’t he the one who kidnapped you? Beat you?” She sighed and shook her head. “Look, I can’t excuse what they’ve done here. But I’m trying to bring us together. To work things out.”

“There’s no working things out,” Rick spoke again. “We’re gonna kill him. I don’t know when. But we will.”

Andrea shook her head. “We can work things out. We can find a way to make room in Woodbury for you. All of you. It’s the only option. I can talk to Phillip. Convince him this was all a misunderstanding.”

Daryl got up from the table he was perched on. His muscles were tense and she knew that had been the trigger. Because this wasn’t a misunderstanding at all. What he’d done to her in that basement was calculated. It was meant to break her. It had. “You tell Phillip the next time I see him, I’m gonna take his other eye. Ain’t no peace to be had here after what he did to Maggie and Natalie-”

“Daryl,” Natalie stopped him, her hand on his arm. She shook her head. Partially because she didn’t want to talk about what he’d done to her. But also because every time someone mentioned Maggie in regards to the Governor, she looked like she’d rather be anywhere else.

“What makes you think this man wants to negotiate? Did he say that?” Hershel asked. He seemed to be the only one who wasn’t openly distrustful of Andrea. And he seemed to know they needed to steer the conversation in another direction before this blew up in their faces.

“No.”

“Then why did you come here?” Natalie asked. “Really, what did you think was gonna happen? You were in that arena. You know he isn’t lettin the three of us walk.”

“Because he's gearing up for war! The people are terrified. They see you as killers. They're training to attack,” she looked around as if they were crazy for not understanding. As if she knew they’d lose if they did this.

“We've taken too much shit for too long. He wants a war? He's got one,” Glenn growled.

“Rick. If you don't sit down and try to work this out, I don't know what's gonna happen. He has a whole town. Look at you. You've lost so much already. You can't stand alone anymore,” Andrea told him.

“Don’t talk about what we’ve lost,” Maggie narrowed her eyes at her. She was still rigid, her arms crossed.

“Are you standin with them? Over us?” Natalie asked. “You gonna shoot at us when the time comes?” She raised a brow.

“Of course not,” Andrea breathed and she seemed genuinely shocked that she would suggest it. She probably was. She knew Andrea wasn’t a danger to them. She knew she was genuinely trying to make things work. But they never would, not while the Governor was alive.

“You want to make this right, get us inside,” Rick told her, shifting the conversation again.

“No,” she shook her head.

“Then we got nothing to talk about,” Rick told her dismissively. And he left them all standing there. Hershel followed, and Daryl glanced at Natalie before going with them.

“You need to talk sense into Rick,” Andrea looked between her and Hershel.

“He makes plenty of sense to me,” Natalie’s eyebrow quirked.

“You want to watch everyone here die? You lived there. Made friends. You know they’re not bad people,” She practically whispered. “He thinks you’re bad people. Thinks you won’t stop until you take Woodbury. He’s trying to protect them. And he has the manpower to do it. Rick's pride is gonna get you all killed.”

“You’re gonna have to pick a side, Andrea. You’re either with us or you’re not,” she snapped, heading back toward the cell block.

Notes:

Thank you so much for all the love! I appreciate you all so much and you definitely keep me wanting to write 🫶🏻💕

Chapter 44

She’d listened from her cell to Carol's conversation with Andrea. Her plea for Andrea to bed him and then kill him. To be honest, she was surprised at the ruthlessness of it. But Carol would do anything to protect her family. She knew that much. And while she thought it was cold, it was a plan that could keep everyone safe. It was certainly a better plan that Andrea’s to meet in two days at an old lumber mill. Natalie didn’t like the idea. She didn’t want Rick going off to talk to a man who’d released a van full of walkers and tried to shoot them all just days ago. A man who knew her weakness would be her group. She felt uneasy watching Andrea drive off, with their futures in her hands.

She stood next to Hershel as Beth sang that evening, thinking how lucky Maggie and Beth were to have a father who loved them so much. “How are you feeling?” He asked her.

“Better. Little sore, but the pills help,” she replied quietly.

He nodded. “Just make sure to clean it every night. Keep it healing. Got a feeling we’re going to need you soon,” he said solemnly. She nodded, knowing he was probably right. She suspected as much too. Because she could hope all she wanted, but she didn’t believe Andrea would kill the governor.

She felt a presence next to her and Daryl was standing on her other side. He didn’t say anything to her, but he was so close, she could feel the heat radiating off his arm. And it was comforting, even with them being at odds. He just leaned against the cell, arms folded as they listened to Beth. Rick came down the stairs, holding Judith as he stood next to Hershel.

“Some reunion, huh?” Daryl muttered.

“She's in a jam,” Rick replied and it surprised her a bit, because he’d been so cold to her. But he had always tried to see everyone’s perspectives.

“We all are,” Hershel said quietly. “Andrea's persuasive. This fella's armed to the teeth. Bent on destruction.”

“Peace isn’t an option. Not with him. Not for me,” Natalie said, panic rising in her chest at the thought of returning to Woodbury.

“He ain’t ever gettin the chance to touch you again,” Daryl growled, and she didn’t know how he could even be sure of that. Because while Andrea was wrong about peace, she was right about one thing. Woodbury outnumbered them. But something about the complete confidence that he said it relieved her. Because before Woodbury, there had never been a time where Daryl was with her that he hadn’t protected her. That he hadn’t found a way to keep her safe.

Rick shook his head. “No, he won’t. I agree it’s not an option.”

“So what do you want to do?” Daryl asked, looking at the three of them.

“We match it,” Rick said simply. “I'm going on a run.”

Daryl nodded without hesitation. “We'll head out tomorrow.”

“No, you stay here. Keep an eye on your brother,” he told him. He glanced at Natalie before his eyes met Daryl's again. “I'm glad you're back, really, but if he causes a problem, it's on you.” It was a warning. That if Merle got out of line, Rick wasn’t going to keep them there, no matter how much he needed them.

“I got him,” Daryl replied quietly.

“I'll take Michonne.”

“You sure that's a good idea?” Natalie asked. She knew he wouldn’t take her, not while she was recovering. While she knew Michonne was strong and a capable fighter, and someone she wanted around, her and Rick didn’t know each other. And she didn’t know how Michonne worked on a team. What she did know, was what happened in Woodbury that night. When Michonne had left the group to settle a score.

“I'll find out. And Carl. He's ready,” Rick nodded. “You hold it down here,” he looked between all three of them.

“You got it,” Daryl nodded.

As everyone settled in for the night, she went back to her own cell, clicking on the solar lantern Beth had brought in to her the night before. She pulled her flannel shirt off slowly, wincing as she did. She tried to undo the knot Hershel had made with the bandage but it wasn’t so easy with one hand. She could feel eyes on her and was surprised when she turned around. She had not expected Daryl after how they’d left things.

He didn’t say anything as he stepped forward, his fingers reaching for her bandage. She stared at him, narrowing her eyes as she turned her shoulder away from him. “You so stubborn you’d rather struggle than accept my help?” He raised a brow. She rolled her eyes and turned so her arm was facing him, her arms raised just enough for him to unwrap her. She closed her eyes, trying to stay mad but the feeling of his rough, warm fingers brushing the bare skin of her arm as he pulled the cloth around made it very difficult. Once he’d removed the entire bandage, he looked down at her arm, his fingertips grazing the skin around the area as he grabbed the supplies to clean it, and started the task without asking. “Healin up good,” he said so quiet she wouldn’t have heard him if everyone else wasn’t already quietly in bed.

She knew he could feel the goosebumps that rose from her skin as he touched her. Every brush of his fingers as he wrapped her arm again lit her up. She didn’t have the energy or willpower to tell him to stop, and he didn’t seem to want to take his hands off of her skin once he’d tucked in the end of the bandage. Finally, slowly, he tore his eyes from her arm. But he didn’t move away from her. And she wondered if he was waiting for her to tell him to leave. But she couldn’t stop staring at him, the urge to reach out and touch him leaving her feeling breathless.

He raised his hand, his fingers brushing lightly against her neck before he leaned in slowly, gently. His lips pressed against hers, featherlight, and when she didn’t pull away, his other hand reached up to touch her face, pressing his lips against hers with just a bit more pressure. His lips were warm, and this was nothing like their kisses at the cabin, which had been desperate and needy. She could feel her heart flutter beneath her chest, her stomach flipping over and over as she reached up and her fingertips explored his jaw and neck. It was like she could feel the sensations of all of her confusing emotions running through her veins. Her anger at him, her sadness at the thought that shed lost him, her fear of their situation, her bliss at feeling him against her, kissing her, the desire running through her veins. All of them tingled and danced across her skin. She laid her palm against his neck softly, her fingertips teasing the hair at the back that was starting to grow out. And after a few moments, he broke away, leaning his forehead against hers. “Ain’t leavin again,” he whispered.

“Daryl,” she sighed as she breathed, not wanting to let go of this moment. As if it would actually cause her physical pain. Maybe it would. “I just…I just can’t,” she said softly as she pulled away from him. She stared at him, and she half expected him to be mad at her. But he seemed to expect it because he nodded and left her to go back to his spot above the stairs.

Just feet from her, she watched him lay on his back, head beneath his arm. And she wanted nothing more than to lay next to him. To feel his heartbeat beneath her hand. To hear it as she laid on his chest. To tell him she wanted him. That she was with him too. He’d just given her what she had wanted for so long. And she was too damn stubborn and confused to take it. That with everything happening, she couldn’t imagine feeling anything but this fear that she might lose everything. She didn’t sleep well that night.

In the morning, she stood at the car with Rick and Carl. Michonne was already sitting in the front seat. “You sure about this?” She asked quietly, glancing at Michonne.

“Can only have one unknown here at a time when I’m gone. Merle is enough trouble. I’ll feel better havin her with me.”

She nodded, knowing he was right. “I just wish I was comin with you,” she told him, putting a hand on Carl's shoulder. With Rick slipping, she couldn’t help but be more worried about Carl. He seemed to be able to hold it together most of the time, and she prayed that would be the case for the duration of the trip.

“We’ll be fine,” Carl looked up and assured her. “It’s home.”

“I’d like you to be there too,” Rick told her. “But I need you here. Daryl, he'll do what he can if Merle gets out of line. But I need someone who can keep everyone level headed,” he looked at her pointedly. “I’m trusting you with everyone.”

“You don’t have to worry,” she told him.

“I’m not,” he smiled and hugged her gently, being cautious of her arm.

“Love you, kid,” she hugged Carl and ran her hand through his hair as he pulled away, telling her he loved her too. “Take care of your dad, alright?” She asked and he nodded.

Daryl opened the gate to let them leave, and she wanted to take the time to talk to him. Because while she couldn’t let her guard down with her heart the way she had before, she wanted him to know he was still important to her. That he was still her best friend and he didn’t have to avoid her. But he walked quickly after shutting the gate, leaving her behind. Just as he had done at breakfast. She sighed and went back inside, deciding she’d have to let him come to her.

When Rick, Michonne, and Carl returned, she felt like a huge weight had been lifted from her chest. She could finally breathe again. “How was it?” She asked him as he picked up Judith, greeting her happily.

“It was good,” he told her. “I mean, Morgan tried to kill us and he’s a little crazy, but who isn’t these days?” He smiled, and she could see he seemed a little bit lighter too. Maybe this trip had been good for him. “I know that look. You’re worried about tomorrow,” he said and she nodded. “Don’t. I’ll have Hershel and Daryl with me. We won’t be caught off guard.”

“You should let me come,” she told him.

“I need you here. If something happens-” she started to protest and he stopped her. “If something happens, I need you here with Carl and Judith. You’re their family. They’ve lost too much already,” He put a hand on her shoulder.

“Is that the real reason?” She asked. She could see he wasn’t saying something.

“I heard some talk about what happened to you that night,” he stopped and held up a hand before she could argue. “This isn’t about you havin some kind of death wish. Or my fear that you can’t handle seein him,” he assured her. “I don’t want him near you. If I have to worry about you, I can’t be rational. It could get us killed,” he pleaded for her to understand. She knew he still felt like he owed her. And that whatever he could give her, he would. But he didn’t want to give her this. She nodded, despite her better judgement, because she understood. Even if she hated it.

She sat with the group after dinner as Beth sang again. Her eyes lingered on Daryl, who seemed to be actively avoiding her gaze. But every once in a while, she’d catch his eyes on her. And that gave her hope that they could move past it. She watched as Maggie leaned on Glenn, and she was relieved to see them seeing to be better. She sat, holding Judith and talking to Carl, who was excited to show her the picture he'd gotten for Judith. And to tell her all about their day. She knew Rick had been right to take him. He needed this. To be included. To get to go home and see it again.

In the morning, she watched as Rick, Hershel and Daryl packed up in the car and left to meet the governor. And she held Maggie and Beth’s hands as they prayed, to keep the men safe. To let them come back. Because for all she knew, it was a trap. They could be walking right into it.

“They’ll be alright,” Beth told her as she sat next to her in the common area. Everyone else had gone outside to fortify the outer areas in case of another attack after the meeting. No one knew what the resolution would be or if there would be one.

“How do you stay so positive?” She looked at the young girl. She knew what Beth had been through. Losing her family and friends. Surviving a suicide attempt. And yet she remained a bright and happy girl. She should have been hardened by it all, but somehow, she was like a daisy that had survived the winter snow. Bright and warm even when surrounded by the cold.

“It’s all we got now,” she said as she fed Judith. “We can’t spend all our time worrying about what might come. God’s provided for us so far. We got the prison. Judith. Daddy survived losin his leg. You survived gettin shot. It might not all work out the way we wish it did, but we’re alright. And I know they’re gonna be too,” she told her. She leaned on Beth’s shoulder, reaching over to stroke Judith’s head. Merle came in, followed quickly by the others. Merle immediately started packing a bag with guns, announcing he was going to kill the governor.

“Hey, you're not going,” Glenn told him.

“I don't need permission,” Merle glared at him, continuing to pack the bag.

“I can't let you.”

“You can't stop me.”

“If you're gonna live here with us, it's gonna be on our terms. If Michonne can do it, why can't you?” Maggie flung an arm out toward Michonne to prove her point. Beth followed Carol back into the cells, and away from the argument. She knew how Carol felt about arguing. And she seemed to be able to sense that this could get out of hand quickly.

“'Cause it's my brother out there, that's why. What's the matter with y'all?” Merle looked around at them.

“It’s my brother too,” Natalie stood and told him, and Merle scoffed. “Glenn’s right. You’ve gotta get in line here.”

“Your brother? You hated him when you got to Woodbury. Rick ain’t your brother, girl. Rick killed your brother, remember?” He laughed and shook his head. “And it’ll be the day I take orders from a-”

“Choose your words carefully, Merle,” she warned, balling her fists.

“Fine. You wanna claim Rick as your family again? Then you should be leadin the charge with me, darlin. Your brother. Your lover. The closest thing you’ve got to a father anymore. Why the hell ain’t you with me on this? We can end this today!” He told her. “That tough little bitch I met in Woodbury, the one who refused to back down to the Governor, she’d be with me. He meant to break you in that basement, and he got it right. You’re runnin scared nowadays.” When she didn’t agree, he grabbed the bag and started walking toward the door, apparently ready to go at it alone.

That began the chaos. The arguing grew louder until Glenn and Merle were all tangled up fighting each other, with the girls all trying to separate them, until a gunshot went off. Beth stared at the men, stone faced, before handing Natalie the gun and walking back to the cells.

“Are we done with this now?” Natalie asked. Both men looked at her. “This anger? This fighting? It’s gonna get us all killed. Both of you need to learn to deal with each other because right now, the enemy of your enemy is your friend. The Governor wants every one of us dead. Which means we’re all in this shit together,” she frowned. “And Merle, you and I need to have a talk.” She grabbed his arm and pulled him outside with her.

“You want a little alone time, darlin?” He grinned at her.

“I wanna know why Daryl was talkin about me sleepin in your bed,” she demanded.

“You’re the one who said it,” he shrugged, putting on an innocent face. “I just didn’t correct him while we was out on our own,” he added. “Not sure what burned him up more. The fact that he had to ask me about it, or the fact that it happened,” he chuckled.

“You’re a real jackass, you know that?” She narrowed her eyes. “You know I’d never touch you. I only said that to defend your ass when they were actin like you were gonna come in attackin the girls here.”

“Come on now. You don’t really think Daryl thinks we were in Woodbury gettin busy,” he laughed. “He knows that aint true. I might be a shitty brother, and a shittier man sometimes, but even I have my limits. And screwin my baby brother’s girl? That’s one of em,” he assured her.

“I’m not-”

“Yeah, yeah. You two are doin the dance around whatever it is you’ve got goin on. But anyone with eyes can see it sweetheart. You might not have declared your love, but you sure as hell ain’t gonna be no one else’s girl,” he mused.

She shifted her weight. “I don’t think I can be with anyone…like that. Not after-” she stopped and shook her head. And she hated that she was admitting it. But she didn’t have to explain it all to Merle because he was with her. He saw her struggle with that choice.

“Because of Graham,” he said. And he sounded more like the Merle she’d gotten to know in Woodbury. Her ally. Even if he was a reluctant one. He ran a hand over his head and sighed. “I know what that cost you down there. I just think…you gotta do what you can to move past it. You can’t stay there for the rest of your life. You, me, and Daryl, we made it out. That’s what matters.” She didn’t know how he did it. Changed from the asshole who’d taunted her about being broken to the man who knew and understood why.

She wiped at the stray tear that had fallen down her cheek. “You know, if you’d show this side of you to everyone, they might learn to tolerate you,” she said.

He let out a humorless laugh. “Ain’t nobody around here gonna ever want me around. ‘Cept Daryl. And maybe you.”

She shrugged. “I hated you at camp. But in Woodbury, you were the person I trusted the most. You gotta start gettin along with people. Tryin to make nice. You got it in you. If you wanna make this work, and stay with Daryl, then you need to try to make it work with everyone.”

He waved his hand dismissively. “I don’t need them. Maybe you just need to learn to worry a little less what everyone else thinks and wants from you,” he told her, walking off and leaving her in the courtyard.

The rest of the day was quiet. It was tense and uncomfortable, but she’d take this quiet over the fighting she’d been dealing with. And when the others returned, hours later, the entire group gathered around Rick. To find out what the Governor had to say. To figure out what the next move was.

“So, I met this Governor. Sat with him for quite a while,” Rick said.

“Just the two of you?” Carol asked.

“Yeah,” he nodded. “He wants the prison. He wants us gone. Dead. He wants us dead for what we did to Woodbury,” he looked around to each of them. “We're going to war.”

Notes:

Thank you all for reading and for all the love. Hope you enjoyed this chapter as well 🫶🏻

Chapter 45

Natalie wasn’t stupid. They were hiding something. Rick, Hershel, and Daryl. She’d seen them talking in the courtyard, and Daryl’s eyes hadn’t met hers when he passed. Maybe it was the rejection. Maybe if Rick hadn’t looked like he had the time Shane’s girlfriend had kissed him back in high school, like he might be sick at any moment, she could have ignored it. But they were definitely hiding something.

“You know what it is?” She asked Maggie quietly as they were cleaning the guns. Not that they needed it. Morgan might have been crazy, but he took care of his weapons. She lowered her voice as the others passed by them. “Has your dad mentioned anything?”

Maggie shook her head. “I’m sure it’s just somethin they’re tryin to figure out. They’ll tell us once they’ve done it,” she said. “Wasn’t unusual to see those three off together while you were gone,” She added. Another reminder that she’d been gone for months. That she didn’t know everyone the way she had. Like Carol, who was suggesting Andrea murder the governor in his bed after pleasing him. Not that it was a bad plan, but it was another reminder that loss had hardened all of them. “They’ll tell us when we need to know.”

Natalie sighed. She’d been the keeper of information. The maker of plans. The one in the driver’s seat while she was gone from them, because she was all she had until Woodbury. And even then, Graham and Merle had let her have control. Or at least the illusion of it. There was no plans she wasn’t involved in that included her. This felt new and unsettling. “You really trust em to just tell you if you need to know?” She asked. Maggie had her own mind. Maybe she could help Natalie understand.

“I trust my dad,” she answered quickly. “And Daryl, he’s done right by us. Really stepped up. He looked after Lori while you were gone. Been lookin after Judith since before she was born,” Maggie got quiet at the word born. Because they both knew Judith wasn’t born in the normal sense. The traumatic events surrounding her birth were nothing she hoped Judith ever knew. “And Rick, he’s got us here. He’s kept us safe. So yeah. I trust em,” she nodded. She set down the last gun. “But if you’re worried about it, go ask Rick or Daryl. They’re both so glad to have you back, I can’t imagine they’d lie to you.”

Natalie nodded. “Sure,” she mumbled but didn’t fully believe that. Because Daryl was avoiding her. Or at least avoiding being alone with her. And Rick was staying busy himself. And as she leaned against the railing outside her cell, waiting for one of them to go off on their own, Merle sidled up to her.

“Got a minute, little deputy?”

She sighed, glancing at him warily. “What do you want, Merle?” She didn’t want to deal with this right now. And no matter what Merle told her, she still couldn’t help but feel mad that he would insinuate to Daryl that anything had ever happened between them.

He looked around cautiously, the usual cocky grin nowhere to be seen. “Not here. Let’s step outside.”

She hesitated for a second but something in his eyes convinced her. Wordlessly, she followed him out to the empty courtyard. When he finally turned to face her, his face was serious.

“You know your boys are keepin somethin from you, right?” Merle asked, glancing around.

Natalie folded her arms protectively. “Well look who’s learned to eavesdrop,” she frowned. She didn’t like the insinuation that she couldn’t trust them.

Merle nodded slowly, like he was debating whether he really wanted to say it. He took a deep breath. “They’re talkin' about givin Michonne to the Governor. Specifically, me givin her up.”

Her heart stuttered to a stop, ice spreading through her chest. “What?” She shook her head involuntarily because Rick wouldn’t do that. Nor would Hershel or Daryl. This group, they wouldn’t trade the life of someone to keep someone else safe.

“The Governor told Rick he’d leave the rest of us alone if we hand her over. Rick, Hershel, even baby brother. They’re thinkin it’s the way to keep the rest of you safe.” He watched her carefully, gauging her reaction.

Natalie stared at him, feeling nauseous. “Why are you tellin me this?”

Merle shrugged, uncomfortable. His eyes flicked away from hers. “Thought maybe if I did, you might start lookin' at me the way you did back in Woodbury.”

She blinked, taken aback by his admission. Her lips parted slightly, but she had no idea what to say. Did Merle actually care what she thought of him? Sure, they’d talked a lot in Woodbury. Had some good nights drinking and playing games. Trusted each other. But she always assumed he did it because he wanted something else. Necessity. Freedom. Daryl. She shook her head softly, not able to hide her confusion. “Merle—”

“Don’t go gettin' emotional on me now,” he warned quickly, shifting his weight. “It’d just be nice havin someone around who ain’t hopin I end up walker food, is all.”

Natalie pursed her lips, fighting a reluctant smile. “I didn’t want you to be walker food. Not to say I wasn’t hopin you’d hurt a little,” she said dryly, arching a brow at him. “Honestly, seein you cry might be fun.”

Merle chuckled, a low rumble in his chest. “I don’t cry, sweetheart.”

She laughed softly, the tension easing just a little before the seriousness settled back in. She eyed him thoughtfully, shaking her head. “You’re not really gonna do it, are you?”

His jaw tightened, his voice quieter. “You rather it be you? Cause I’m thinkin Rick is bankin on the Governor gettin one of his two traitors and the woman who half blinded him. Hopin to satisfy his blood thirst.”

“We both know givin' him Michonne ain’t endin' this,” she whispered, eyes fixed on him. “It’s a trap, Merle.”

He nodded slowly, eyes narrowing. “Thinkin' so, too,” he said somberly. And then his face morphed into almost amusement. “Who knows? Maybe me and her could surprise him. Kill the bastard, end all this shit for good.”

“You know you’d die tryin',” she said quietly, stepping closer. “You don’t want that.”

He smirked bitterly. “Maybe I’d go out a hero.”

Natalie shook her head. “Merle, that’s bullshit.”

He shrugged, almost too casually. “Gotta keep Daryl alive somehow. Maybe you too, since he’d turn all pitiful if you kicked it.”

A tiny laugh bubbled out of her, breaking through the heaviness of the moment. Because the ridiculousness of his words and the thought of what was happening was too much. But it faded quickly as reality came rushing back. “I don’t want you goin' out at all, hero or otherwise. I want you to tell Rick and Daryl and Hershel that you don't like this plan. And if they wanna sacrifice Michonne, that they can damn well march her down there themselves." She could feel the anger rising again. That they could go along with this plan. That Merle would be the one to do it because he’s not one of them. She knew the Governor better than them. She knew this wasn’t an option. She wondered if she didn’t know him, how far would she go to keep Carl and Judith safe? Would she be on board with this if she thought it might work?

Merle’s lips curved slightly, genuine amusement flickering in his eyes. “There’s that fightin spirit I missed so damn much.” His voice softened. “Like when it ain’t aimed at me,” he grinned. But then his smile faded a bit. "But you want this stopped, you're the one that's gonna have to talk em out of it. Ol Merle, I'm just the muscle. The one who'll do the shit you think you're still too good for."

"Like the Governor?" She asked.

He looked around, clearly uncomfortable. "I'm leavin soon. Might wanna go deal with it if you're gonna stop it," he told her. She knew from his tone that he was finished with the conversation. So she nodded, instead walking toward Rick and Daryl, who were standing near the door now, watching her and Merle cautiously.

“Hey,” she called out before they could turn and leave her. Before they could avoid her anymore. She jogged toward them. And Daryl refused to meet her eyes. Rick’s hands were in his pockets. “Please tell me it’s not true,” she said softly. She didn’t have to spell it out. They knew she knew. The way Rick glared as Merle went inside told her he was unhappy that she knew.

Daryl looked to Rick. As if to ask him to explain. Rick took a breath and squared his shoulder as he looked at her. “Nat, I know this isn’t ideal. But it’s what we are doing.”

She frowned and shook her head. “So this is what we do now to save our own skin? We just hand off whoever hasn’t been with us the whole time? I remember havin a similar debate back at the farm. One that cost our group.” She couldn’t help but wonder if Shane could still be here if Randall had never gotten to the farm. If all of it had gone down differently.

“You know damn well that’s not what this is!” Rick’s hands landed on his hips as he yelled at her.

“I know damn well this isn’t the answer!” She was practically shaking.

She could see the frustration in his face. The way his jaw ticked. “Then tell me how to keep my family safe! Carl, Judith, you. Tell me what to do, Nat. You know so much, then give me the fucking answer! Because right now, I’m looking at two options. One is to do this, and hope that this man wants her bad enough that he’ll leave us be. The other is to start a war I’m not sure we can win. To watch all of you die. So if you have all the answers, you tell me what you want me to do!” So much for being grateful that she was back. Didn’t stop him from yelling at her.

“I want you to use some damn sense!” She yelled back. “You think Carl or Judith would be proud of you for handin off someone to die with the hopes of keepin them safe? Because I’ll tell you how I feel about bein one of those people you’re tryin to protect with her blood. I feel ashamed! I’ve had enough blood shed on my account.”

“Nat-” Daryl said softly.

“No,” she shook her head, turning on him. “And you too! You think Merle is comin back if he goes?” She looked between them. “Have you two really lost your ever lovin minds?” She couldn’t believe them. “This is a trap. Clear as day. And you’re steppin in it, givin him two of our best fighters? So what happens when the war comes to our doorstep, huh? You think we’re better off without Merle and Michonne when that happens?” She watched Daryl look to Rick. And she wondered if it was blind loyalty that had him agreeing to this. Because he didn’t look like he believed this was a good plan at all.

“I hear you,” Rick said, calmer. “But you gotta give me a better option.”

“We don’t go,” she said softly. It was simple. “We stay here. We fortify.”

“And we wait for him?” He asked, clearly convinced that was a worse idea.

“Rick, I’ve known you my whole life. And I know this isn’t what you want to do. I know this is gonna eat at you when you find out you’re wrong. All that guilt you’re feelin about Lori. About Shane. It’s only gonna be worse if you hand over two people who are tryin to make it work here. You’re not savin us by killin them,” she said, her voice softer.

“Rick,” Daryl said, his voice quiet. “We could find another way.”

Rick stood there for a long moment. He shook his head. “I can’t risk it.”

“You can,” she pleaded.

He shook his head again. “I know you don’t like being told what to do. But you need to fall in line here. The decision’s been made,” he told her before walking off, leaving her and Daryl alone.

“And you’re just okay with this?” She asked him. She didn’t believe that. He’d saved her when he had no reason to. When the only thing he’d known was that her family caused Merle to be gone, and down a hand. He’d protected her on the farm. Looked for Sophia like she was his responsibility. Daryl was not a man who gave up on his people. And Michonne was part of that now.

“What do you want me to do, Nat?” He sounded exasperated. Maybe because she was pulling at his loyalty to Rick.

“Trust me,” she breathed out. “I need you to trust me when I tell you this isn’t gonna fix anything. This isn’t gonna end anything. All it’s gonna do is get Michonne and your brother killed. It’ll make us weaker.”

“You know I trust you.” He said quietly. He was looking at her the way she remembered. Before she got separated from the group. Back when he was the one keeping her from losing her mind. When he was one of the only reasons she wanted to wake up every morning.

“Then let’s work something out. Please.” She waited for him to say something. Anything. She half expected a no. But finally, he nodded. And she felt relief wash over her that Daryl was still with her, no matter what happened between them. And maybe they could keep the entire group alive.

Notes:

Thank you all for reading! 🫶🏻💕

Chapter 46

Notes:

Ohhhhh man. I know it's been a looooooong time since I've updated this story. Unfortunately 2025 has just been really rough and I had some things I was dealing with, and I really had to prioritize myself and my mental health for a bit. I am sorry for leaving this hanging for so long, and I do have the next few chapters already pretty much done and just needing refined, so I am back. I thank all of you who have come back to read this and hope you still enjoy it. I'm truly grateful for those of you who's read this, and who are sticking with me still 💕🫶

I have truly missed these characters and it feels good to be able to dive back into this world. I'll do my best to upload either weekly or bi-weekly. Obviously the plot is more complicated than when I first started, so sometimes I end up scrapping entire plans, which sets me back. But I'll do my best to keep this pretty consistent.

 

“I like this,” Natalie nodded as Merle finished his plan. Rick, Daryl, and Michonne stood around her, all seemingly agreeing. It was a sound plan. Had it’s risks, but if they were successful, it would end things right away. “Except you won’t be the one out there. I will,” she added. All four heads snapped toward her.

“Absolutely not,” Rick shook his head, frowning. His hands sat on his hips and she knew he was preparing a laundry list of reasons she wasn’t going to be anywhere near this plan. She really wasn’t surprised. As soon as it hit her mind, she knew she’d be fighting this battle. No matter what had happened, Rick would see her as his little sister forever. And on top of that, he was the kind of man who’d rather risk his own neck than let someone else do it.

“Absolutely am,” she countered, her tone clearly showing her annoyance at the dismissal.

“Nah, fuck that. Not fuckin happenin,” Daryl was shaking his head, and he almost looked angry at her. Maybe he was. He had told her she had no survival instincts. Maybe to him, this was proving his point. Maybe he was right. But this was something she could do. This was the first step in clawing her way out of that basement.

“So you’d rather have Merle walk out there?” She raised a brow, hands on her hips. “He’ll shoot him on sight,” she told them.

“And what’s gonna stop him from shootin you?” Rick asked.

She glanced at Merle, because she didn’t want to say what was in her brain. But she didn’t have to say it. “He don’t want her dead,” he answered, echoing the thoughts in her own mind. The nicest way it could be put. The reason she knew she’d be safer than Merle. “Not right away anyway,” he added in a grim tone.

“Nat, what the fuck?” Daryl frowned deeper. As if that hadn’t occurred to him. “No way!”

“It’s the plan that keeps us alive,” she said, sighing. “Look. It’s not like I’m givin myself up, here. We have a plan. And Merle is a better sharpshot than any of us. Which means we want him on a gun, not out in the open. This is a better plan,” She added. That wasn’t entirely true. She might be giving herself up. But she’d rather give herself up a thousand times before she’d let him touch anyone else she loved.

“I’m with Daryl on this,” Rick shook his head, crossing his arms. As if it made it law. “This just isn’t the play. Look, if you’re worried about Merle gettin shot on sight, I’ll go. I’ve had a conversation-”

“He’ll shoot you too! There is no conversation to be had between any of you and him!” She yelled, her arms out in frustration. They didn’t understand. Both of them were so convinced they could protect everyone else at their own expense, they couldn’t even consider they were the most likely to not make it back. “Michonne and I are the ones he wants alive so he can have his fun. Killin you, or you, or you,” she pointed to each man as she spoke. “That’s gonna be icing on the cake for him when he gets to me. He’ll wanna make me suffer,” she pleaded with them.

“No. Aint happenin. No way,” Daryl shook his head.

“It’s not up to you,” she told him quietly, knowing there was betrayal in that sentence. She’d trusted his instincts before. Let him lead. But she wasn’t the same woman she was after she lost Shane. She’d had to make her own way. She looked to Michonne. “You’re gonna be the one out there with me. You on board?” She asked.

Michonne nodded. “Got business to finish,” she said, a hint of a smirk on her face.

Natalie breathed and nodded, relieved. She turned to Merle. “And you?”

He stared at her for a minute before nodding. She knew he would be. He’d always backed her. And he saw first hand her time in Woodbury. There was a part of her that only he knew. And he knew that part of her couldn’t heal without doing something.

She could practically see the betrayal click in Daryl’s head as he turned to his brother. “You’re on her side?” Daryl accused. She frowned, looking between them. The last thing she wanted was to come between them. She’d hoped if Merle was with her, Daryl might get on board.

“Question is, little brother. Why ain’t you?” Merle countered.

“Because she’s gonna get herself killed doing some stupid shit! And you’re just gonna let her!” He yelled angrily “Man, fuck this,” he shook his head and knocked into Merle’s shoulder hard on his way out.

All three of them were quiet after. “You gonna yell and storm off too? Or you gonna give me a hug and wish me luck?” Natalie spoke softly, looking up at Rick.

“I think this is dangerous. I think we should find another way,” he said, sighing.

“I ain’t gonna let no one touch her,” Merle said in the most earnest tone she’d ever heard out of him when he wasn’t talking directly to her. “Swear.”

“You’ll have to excuse me if your word doesn’t mean much to me,” Rick frowned at him. He looked like he was warring with himself, glancing up at the ceiling before sighing again and pulling her against him in a hug. “I should be there. I can at least back you up,” he said against her ear.

“No,” she shook her head as she pulled back. She looked up at him. The only brother she had left. God, she missed Shane. She hated that she’d never be able to look at Rick without missing Shane, even if she’d given her anger up when she’d been lost for those months. “You have to be here. If we don’t kill him, or if he figures out the possibility of it bein a trap, he’s gonna come here with a vengeance. You gotta talk to the others. Tell em everything. And figure out a plan for if we don’t come back.”

“Nat-”

“I’m serious, Rick. You got my niece and nephew to look after. Which means I’m leavin you with my whole world. You gotta make sure they’re gonna be safe,” she interrupted, squaring her shoulders. She was not going to cry. But the thought of something happening to Carl or Judith- She shook her head. “I want you to back me here,” she added quietly.

“And Daryl?” He asked. “Don’t look like he’s gonna want to go-”

“Baby brother will come around. He ain’t gonna let her go off endangerin herself without bein there to protect her,” Merle replied almost casually. Natalie nodded though. Because she knew he was right. The same way she knew if the roles were reversed, she’d be going with Daryl. No matter how much she hated the idea.

“Let’s get the car packed up then,” Rick finally nodded after a long breath. “Gonna need some insurance in case things go sideways.

She walked with him, packing up the truck. Extra rifles. A few grenades. Daryl still was nowhere to be found. But Carl had apparently heard about the plan because he was walking toward her like he had a bone to pick with her. “I wanna go with you,” He demanded.

“Carl-”

“You told me you weren’t leaving. So if you’re going, you’re taking me with you,” he interrupted her, trying to grab a gun from the back seat. She grabbed his arm. “You’re not supposed to leave again! You’re gonna end up dead just like Shane and Mom!” He accused.

“Carl, I’m comin back. I swear,” she pleaded with him. But he was just staring at her, that hard look she’d seen creeping in on his face lately. He wasn’t the kid she threw a ball to in the back yard and chased around the playground anymore. He’d done things he shouldn’t have to even know about. Watched people he cared for die horrible deaths. And it broke her heart.

He narrowed his eyes at her before letting out a hard breath and pushing past. She chewed at her lip as she watched him go. “I got him,” Rick put a hand on her shoulder quickly before following Carl.

She ran her palms down her face. What the hell was she doing? Swearing she’d come back? She didn’t know that. And she didn’t want to leave, with him being angry the last time he might ever see her. But she couldn’t focus on that. She had to prepare herself for the very real possibility she’d be walking straight into the hands of someone who might not let her go.

“He’s just scared,” Glenn’s voice came from her side. He held Maggie’s hand between them.

“Are you?” She asked. No one seemed to love this idea. But there wasn’t a different one. And she wasn’t letting Merle go out there alone.

“No,” Maggie shook her head. “We know why you have to do this,” she said. She broke apart from Glenn to step forward and pull Natalie into a hug. “Just do your best to come back, okay?”

Natalie nodded as she hugged Maggie back. And only broke apart to pull Glenn against her. “If somethin happens, you got them?” She asked against his ear. “You’ll protect my family?” She felt him hesitate for a moment. But then he nodded.

“You know we will,” he replied quietly.

“Good,” she nodded once as she pulled back, trying to ignore any emotions threatening to bubble up. “Okay,” she added, blowing out a breath. “You all need to have a backup plan. In case things go south,” she said. “Not just if we don’t make it back. But if things change, and we can’t finish the plan,” she added.

“We’ll be ready,” Maggie assured her.

Almost on cue, Daryl came walking past her, carrying a bag. “You comin?” He asked in a gruff voice. She knew he was still pissed. He wouldn’t even look at her. But it didn’t matter. Because he was coming with her. And that told her all she needed to know.

“He doesn’t like this,” Maggie commented.

“Yeah, well-” she shrugged. “I’m not puttin anyone else in the line of fire right now.”

“Except Michonne,” Glenn replied.

“She’s a key in this. And she knows the risk. And she wants to kill him as much as I do,” she replied. She heard a couple short taps on the horn of the car. “Guess he’s gettin impatient,” she chewed at her lip as she glanced back behind her shoulder at the car before turning to Glenn and Maggie again. Both of them looked like they expected her to give her final goodbye. “Love you,” she smiled a little sadly, trying to ignore the thought that she might never see them again. They pulled her into a hug again quickly before she sniffed and pulled back. “I’ll see you soon,” she nodded once, unsure who she was trying to convince. Both of them nodded, but all of them were avoiding that word she didn’t say. ‘Hopefully.’

She forced herself to turn and head to the car, climbing into the back seat next to Michonne, who nodded at her. They both understood what this meant. What they were risking. And to be honest, she was glad to have the woman beside her. Because Michonne might not have been an original member of the group, but she was comforting. The way she was so calm. The fact that she didn’t hesitate to get in on this. The thought that this strong woman had faith in her and her plan.

“Get your goodbyes out?” Merle found her in the rearview mirror. But when she looked at him, the smartass tone wasn’t reflected in his eyes.

“Shut the fuck up,” Daryl muttered. “Let’s go,” he added, crossing his arms. Merle waited for her to nod before putting the car in drive and heading through the gate.

Notes:

Thank you again for reading!!!! I truly, truly appreciate each one of you💕🫶

Chapter 47

She and Michonne drove in silence after leaving Daryl and Merle. Her hands gripped the steering wheel so tightly, her fingers hurt. Every second that passed made her heart pound against her ribs, and she could feel the fear rising in her throat. This seemed like a good plan. The right solution. But the closer she got to seeing him again, the more she felt like she was being stupid.

“You got this, right?” Michonne’s voice was quiet but steady.

“Yep,” she answered, refusing to look to her side at the woman. She had no idea if she had this. But she knew she couldn’t back out anymore. Daryl and Merle were already working on the plan. Everything was in motion. And it all hinged on her and Michonne. On her belief that she could stall long enough to get him where she needed him. That she wouldn’t end up tied up and tortured slowly and painfully, forced to watch everyone she loved die.

“Don’t look like it,” Michonne answered. She had this annoyingly frank way of talking. Like she wasn’t judging Natalie for her fear, but simply making an observation. Maybe she was trying to provoke her. Trying to snap her out of this burning in her chest that she thought might come out in a scream.

“I can drop you off if you don’t trust me,” she answered.

“Nope,” Michonne shrugged. And that was it. Like she hadn’t said anything.

Natalie forced herself to breathe as she could see them. Figures in the distance at that feed store. Waiting. On guard. No doubt preparing to kill Rick. Breathe in. Breathe out. Listen to the sound of the gravel. Focus on what’s real. All these things that she’d heard when people were panicking. None of it worked though. Even as she drove, she was watching it again and again. The sound of the gunshot. The way Graham’s head snapped back before dropping forward, limp. The scream that came from her own throat.

She didn’t even know she had stopped the car until she heard his voice. And he sounded almost pleased as he watched her. She stared at him, her hands still squeezing the steering wheel. Her back straight. Breaths coming faster now. Her heart was so fast she thought it might stop.

“Do something,” Michonne whispered harshly. Natalie’s eyes snapped over to her, wide. “This is your plan. You said you had this,” she reminded her. The calm was giving way to irritation, but the steadiness was there.

She nodded, only half hearing. The sound of blood in her ears was drowning everything else out. Was she imagining that? Was she about to get everyone killed because she thought she could handle something she clearly wasn’t equipped to?

“If you don’t do something, we’re all dead,” Michonne reminded her. “Your boyfriend. Your brother. Your kids.”

Natalie’s attention snapped to her again. She was right. Judith. Carl. Rick. Glenn and Maggie. Daryl. Everyone at the prison. Her family. The reason for all of this. They were all counting on her. “Okay,” she breathed out a shaky breath. “Yeah,” she nodded. She opened the car door and stepped out, forcing one foot in front of the other until she was no more than ten feet from him.

“Natalie Walsh. I have to say. I did not expect this,” The Governor smiled as he took a step toward her.

She wanted to jump back in the car and drive as far as she could. But she forced her feet to stay planted. Her breaths were shallow and she opened her mouth but nothing came out. He was watching her carefully. She cleared her throat and tried again, knowing the stakes here. She’d convinced them she could do this. She needed to face him. To show him she’s still fine. She hoped her voice sounded steadier than it did in her head. “Wasn’t gonna let you kill anyone else I care about,” she squared her shoulders even as she could feel shaking in her knees. She flexed her fingers, trying to keep her hands from visibly shaking.

He laughed. Actually chuckled like she’d told him a joke. “Now why would I do that? All I want is Michonne,” he told her, his eyes dragging over to where Michonne sat in the car. “How’d you get her to agree to come?” He raised a brow.

“Didn’t have to do much convincin. She wants you dead,” she told him. Again the laughter. But she was almost thankful for it, because it pulled her out of her fear and into anger. Anger that he was so arrogant. That he was so convinced he’d win. That he was smarter than them.

“I’ll bet she’s not alone in that,” he smiled at her. “So what brings you instead of that overprotective brother of yours? Because he assured me I’d never get my hands on you again. And yet here you are. Waltzin in like it’s Christmas,” he added.

Well that fact wasn’t something she’d counted on. She didn’t even know Rick had mentioned her to him. Let alone that he’d let slip that he viewed her as a sister. She took a breath. “Like I said. I thought you might kill him. Kinda hopin if I brought you what you wanted, you might let things go,” she said.

“Natalie,” he said her name in that patronizing, almost fatherly tone. “You’re not stupid. And you surely don’t think I’m stupid. You came here with the intention of trying to kill me. I’m sure you have a gun in the back of your jeans. Am I right?” He raised an eyebrow.

“Thought has crossed my mind,” she nodded.

“Have I told you how refreshing I find it that we can be so honest?” He asked, his smile widening. “So what’s your plan then? You bring me Michonne and I let you skip off into the sunset with everyone you love?” He raised a brow.

“Whatever happens here between you and me, you leave them out of it. Let them go,” she answered. It was honest, and came out easy. She didn’t believe he’d ever do it. But that was all she wanted.

“And why would I do that?”

“Because you saw how much damage they did to Woodbury with just a few of them. You have some firepower,” she glanced at the men standing around, still watching and on guard behind him. Like they were waiting for an ambush. Well, they weren’t total idiots. “But I know your weaknesses. How many people you have. And now they do. So you can take the risk if you want to. Or you can let this go and take the only offer of peace you’re ever gonna get,” she told him.

She watched anger flash over his face almost imperceptibly. A squint of the eyes. A twitch of the jaw. But then he was back to his cool demeanor. “Well you’re still a little firecracker aren’t you? Watchin the man you loved get killed didn’t break you, after all,” he added. “Can’t wait to see what will,” he grinned. “So tell me. You gonna come willingly? Or you wanna do this the hard way?” he asked, and the predatory look on his face as he finished the question told her exactly what he preferred.

Her teeth ground together as she tried to figure out if she was going to scream or cry or lunge at him. But she couldn’t do any of those things. All she could do was wait. Her eyes darted to the men behind the governor. There were too many of them to take out without the distraction.

She could hear the music growing louder. The approach of the car. Which she prayed meant Daryl and Merle were successful. That there’d be walkers soon. But she didn’t dare take her eyes off the Governor and his men. He sent a few guys to check it out, thinning the herd of men in front of her. But not the Governor. Not until the first shot rang out. Loud and sudden. It brought relief to her ears. Because to her, it meant one thing. They were protecting her.

Everything else seemed to happen so fast it was a blur. Walkers were coming toward them. The Governor was moving, covered by his men. One of them beside him dropped, in what she assumed was a shot meant for the governor’s head. Michonne tossed out a smoke grenade to the left of the governor, blocking his men’s view and tossed a rifle to Natalie. She moved toward the car, attempting to use it as cover, but only got a couple of shots off before she was grabbed.

She screamed, her legs kicking up as she tried to free herself. But she was pulled further into the chaos. And then as a loud shot rang out, she fell to the ground and the man who’d been holding her landed on top of her. She groaned and shoved his body off her, and as she stood, she looked around. The car was empty. Michonne was fighting two men off her not twenty yards from Natalie, her arms being held by one man while she kicked another. She took off to help the woman, but just as quickly one of them went down with a shot to the head and then Michonne was able to free herself of the other man’s grip and use his own gun against him.

“Let’s go,” Daryl’s hand grabbed Natalie’s arm as he pulled her to the car, practically shoving her in the open door in the back before whistling, getting Michonne’s attention. “Come on!” He yelled before climbing in to the front seat and turning the car on.

She could see Michonne’s eyes search for the Governor, whose men were pulling him back, despite his angry screaming. He’d known this was a trap. But he’d been entirely unprepared for it to seriously hurt his position and he was clearly unhinged by it. He finally stopped fighting as the walkers closed in on them. The truck took off in a cloud of dust from the gravel and dirt road. She was just glad to see him heading toward Woodbury and not the prison. But even the bodies of his soldiers littering the ground wouldn’t stop him. He’d be back. With more people from the town.

“Where’s Merle?” Natalie asked, searching frantically. But then she saw him, running toward them, fighting off the walkers between him and the car. The smoke was clearing and there was still gunfire which meant at least a few men remained.

Daryl sped out, and Merle was barely in the back seat beside her before the tires were kicking up gravel behind them and they were speeding back toward the prison. Merle laughed and let out an excited whoop. “Now that was fun,” he smiled at Daryl and Michonne in the front before turning back to Natalie.

Michonne squinted her eyes, looking annoyed. Daryl said nothing. And Natalie was suddenly feeling that adrenaline wear off. And that feeling of terror was rising again. She tilted her head back against the headrest, closing her eyes and taking deep breaths.

“We did good, little deputy,” Merle said in an almost uncharacteristically soft tone.

“We didn’t kill him. It was for nothing,” she breathed out, angry.

“He’s weaker,” Michonne offered. “We should follow him to Woodbury. Finish the job,” she looked to Daryl.

He almost looked ready to agree. But then his eyes met hers in the back. And he shook his head. “No. We need to get back to the prison and prepare for another assault. Too hairy to go to his turf unprepared,” he muttered.

“But he-”

“Aint the plan,” he cut her off. “This was the plan.”

“Baby brother’s right,” Merle nodded. “We knew this was possible. But we took out at least 15 of em. He’ll bring a small team. Thinkin if he uses the big guns they can scare us. Take us out. We gotta be ready for em. Goin in to the town would have everyone there attackin. That’d triple his numbers,” he added.

Michonne scoffed but didn’t argue further.

“You’re bleedin,” Natalie frowned as she looked at Merle. His side was soaked through, the once white fabric now red.

“Aint nothin,” he shrugged. “One of them asshole stuck me when they found us,” he said, pulling his shirt up and revealing the wound. He inspected it like it was a papercut.

“Damnit,” she muttered and she shook her head, pulling her arm out of her sleeve and sawing through it with her knife. “Here,” she said, bunching it up and pressing it to the wound. “Keep pressure on it. We can stitch you up back at the prison.”

“Careful girl. Someone might think you care what happens to me,” he mocked. She gave him a look that normally would have been accompanied by a few curse words, but she could see what he was doing. He was pulling her back out of her head. Back into her instincts to yell at him, instead of shaking and crying like she wanted to. So instead she nodded in thank you.

She listened to Merle offer up plans to Daryl as they drove. Some Michonne argued about. Some Daryl dismissed outright. Some they decided were worth pitching to the group. She didn’t have anything to offer. Just sat quietly, staring out the window for most of the ride, except when she’d find Daryl’s eyes in the rearview mirror. Checking in. Probably worried. Maybe thinking she was just as broken as she was after Woodbury.

But that wasn’t entirely true. She was headed back to her family. Even if the plan wasn’t a total success, she wasn’t dead. The governor didn’t have her. He hadn’t killed any of them. And they’d finish it when he came back for retaliation.

Notes:

So this was pretty much done and I kind of thought about waiting, but really, what's the difference if I post my finished chapters in bulk or space them out weekly? Besides, you all have waited a long time for the end of season 3. And we're almost there.

So here it is. Thank you again for reading! Honestly, I'm so glad to see you all are happy to come back to this story just like I am. I appreciate you and your support! I honestly never thought when I started this story it'd get much traction in terms of readers. It was definitely more of a passion project for me, so it's just really cool to see you all come along for the journey with me, and to come back to it after all this time 🫶🫶💕

Chapter 48

When they arrived in the prison, she was quickly pulled into hugs by Rick, Glenn, Maggie, and Carol. Carl stared at her, still looking angry, before walking off. She needed to make a point to sit and talk with him about what was really bothering him. Was it really all because of losing Lori? Was it what he had to do? When she’d gotten separated, sure he wasn’t the same kid she’d always known. But he was angrier every day. Set off quickly. In a hurry to be involved in a fight. Maybe without Lori, he needed her more than she’d realized.

She was pulled out of that quickly enough, as Merle and Daryl and Michonne recounted the events of the plan. And informed everyone that they needed to be prepared. That the governor was weakened, but angrier. That may make him more dangerous than ever.

It was like she was only half there as she listened. As she replayed the events. Tried to think of what she could have done differently. Maybe if she’d just shot him, they’d be okay. She wouldn’t have made it back, but she was pretty certain no one would lead the rest of the town into slaughter on the governor’s name. Martinez might be an asshole who shot her, but he wasn’t an idiot. And he didn’t have a personal vendetta against her the way the governor did.

Rick filled them in on the plan the group had come up with while she’d been gone. Luring him deep into the tombs. Using the walkers against them. Merle grinned when Hershel told them it’d been inspired by his plan. She couldn’t argue it might be a decent plan, but it was dangerous. It put all of them in danger, and she hated that. She hated that she’d failed. That now she didn’t just have to worry about the governor coming, but she had to worry about any of her family getting bit or scratched or ripped apart by the walkers.

Rick pulled her aside once everyone was caught up. He slipped an arm around her as they walked. “You sure you’re okay? You look-” he stopped and sighed, a slight frown on his face. He was trying to find a nice way to tell her she looked like shit. She knew it.

“I’ll be fine,” she nodded, but she didn’t feel it. She felt exhausted. She felt numb. She felt like a failure. And seeing the governor again, she thought it would have healed her. But she was still stuck in that basement. And she wasn’t sure she was ever getting out. Not as long as he was alive.

“I’d really like you to stay out. With Carl, Hershel, Beth, and Judith. In case somethin-”

“Okay,” she nodded and replied quietly.

He raised his brows, seemingly surprised by her lack of argument. Which is fair. Just this morning she’d had to fight to be able to throw herself in danger. To put herself at the governor’s fingertips. But the truth was, she didn’t care who pulled the trigger. She just wanted him dead. It wasn’t about her pride. It was about ending this nightmare. She wanted to stop worrying about people and wondering which three of her family would be the three he tied up and made her choose from. Rick, Daryl, and Hershel? Glenn, Maggie, and Carl? Carol, Beth, and Merle? Would he take turns until she was crazed? Would she watch each of them die before he finally killed her?

“I just want it done,” she sighed. Her eyes stung at the tears forming. But none fell. “Just please end it,” she pleaded quietly. “And don’t die.”

He nodded, his brows furrowed. Probably in concern. Maybe he thought she was going a little crazy like he had. Maybe he thought she was depressed and ready to ‘opt out,’ as Jenner had called it. “We’ll finish it,” he assured her.

“Okay,” she nodded. “I’m gonna go keep watch while you all get ready. Someone should be out there,” she said, ducking out from under his arm and grabbing a rifle before leaving the cellblock. Not that it mattered. Merle was keeping watch on the far side. Prepared at any moment to warn them so they could set everything in motion. But she wanted the air. The quiet. For people to not look at her like they knew today fucked her up all over again.

She stared out to the tree line. She wished life were as peaceful as it looked. As simple. Just the stray walkers along the fence. No psychopaths coming after them. No nightmares that would probably plague her forever. But she also knew that the governor likely wouldn’t be the last one they had to handle. She wondered if he would be the worst. Would people just keep getting worse the longer they stayed out in this world? The thought brought chills to her skin. She sat, her back against the wall, rifle sitting on the ground beside her.

It took almost no time for Daryl to find her and sit beside her. He sat there for a long while, not saying anything. And then he reached over and tentatively touched her hand, which brought her a sense of relief. Like her body could relax because he was beside her. She laced her fingers in between his, realizing how much she’d missed him. They’d been at odds for so long. This connection, the one from before, it was the thing she’d craved without even realizing it. “What do you need?” He asked, stroking his thumb along the side of her index finger slowly. It had been his go to question after Shane. Maybe because what she’d wanted at that time was to kill Rick in revenge and he didn’t want to give her that option. Or maybe because he knew what she wanted wasn’t always what she needed. What she wanted was revenge. Cold and harsh and painful for the governor. What she needed was peace.

“Just wanna sit here,” she told him.

“You want me to leave you alone?” He asked.

“No,” she replied, leaning her head against his shoulder. “Stay,” she told him softly. “They’ll be comin. Lookin for revenge,” she added. “We coulda made things worse,” she sighed.

He pulled away just enough so she lifted her head and looked over at him. “You sure you wanna be in there?” He looked worried, a crease settling between his brows. She wanted to reach up and stroke his forehead, make it disappear. His hand squeezed hers and she wondered if he even noticed.

She shook her head. “Rick asked me to stay with Hershel, Beth, Judith, and Carl.”

He nodded, the crease disappearing. “Good.”

“Don’t trust me to protect you? Think I’m gonna freeze again?” She smiled slightly. Trying to joke about it. But it came out flat. Because it was a real fear for her.

“Want you safe,” he said, leaning his head back against the wall. He looked as exhausted as she was. Like all this back and forth, the arguing, the trying to protect each other while the other one rushed to endanger themselves was wearing on him.

“Daryl, I'm sorry about the other night,” she told him after a long pause. It was eating at her. They might not all make it out when the governor came. And she expected it to be sooner rather than later. “I know I’m not in a place to be with anyone. To open myself up. But I want you to know you’re important to me. You’re one of the most important people in my life. And I’m not mad about you leavin.”

He sighed. “Ain’t good at all this,” he muttered. “Feels like I ruined everything.”

“You didn’t ruin anything. You’re the person who keeps me standin. Always. Even when you’re not around,” she leaned her cheek on his arm again. “That'll never change. Even if I’m broken now and can’t always show it. You’re my best friend. And I want to go back to that,” He let out a quiet mhm and she was sure he wasn’t going to respond further. “I just don’t want the governor to come without you knowin that.” She wasn’t surprised he didn’t say anything else. But he didn’t pull back as they sat, his finger moving absently over hers as he held her hand.

“Your plan was good,” he said after a few quiet minutes. “Wasn’t your fault we didn’t get to kill him. Just worked out that way,” he added.

“Sure,” she muttered.

“I know why you had to do it,” he said, surprising her. “Know what it cost you. You did good,” he finished.

That actually did surprise her. And it relaxed her. “Thanks,” she whispered, a few stray tears falling down her cheeks. Because it did cost her. But maybe it helped. She didn’t know yet. All she knew is she was grateful to have his support. She sighed. “I know you don’t want me out there riskin myself. But you know you can’t keep me outta every fight.” She looked up at him, but his eyes were still in the tree line as he let out a quiet grunt of what she took as agreement. “I won’t get lost again. But I need you to trust me,” she added.

“Mhm,” he muttered, still staring straight ahead. He didn’t add anything else, even though she was pretty sure he wanted to argue that point by the tightness in his jaw. To insist that him and Rick and Merle and Glenn could keep her safe. The way they kept the others safe. That she didn’t need to be running into danger. But he didn’t. And that was a step for him, so she didn’t say anything else either.

“Nat? Daryl?” Rick called out from the courtyard. He made his way up, looking between them as he opened the door to the watch tower. “We’re gonna start loading stuff up,” he told her. She nodded and stood, knowing he wanted to talk to Daryl. She took one last look at Daryl before she made her way down the ladder and then the stairs and back to the cells.

Notes:

One more chapter to go for the end of Season 3.

Thank you for reading!! 🫶

Chapter 49

They’d packed everything and prepared to leave at first light. Merle was certain the Governor had no desire to be in the ‘red zone’ after dark, and without some of his best men. He’d come in the morning. And he kept watch all night in case he was wrong.

He spotted the first sight of the trucks early in the morning and gave the signal for the others to take positions. They prepared themselves, moving to their spot in the trees that was clear of walkers, but had a good vantage point to the prison. Beth sat in the back seat, holding Judith while she, Carl, and Hershel stood guard.

Carl glowered at the prison. “I should be in there,” he said as the Woodbury residents rolled up, shooting at their towers and heading inside toward the others.

She put a hand on his shoulder. “I know kid. But we’re here to protect your sister. That’s what they need from us right now. This won’t be the last fight we have, I’m sure,” she said. What she wanted to tell him was that he shouldn’t be a part of any of this. That she was there to protect him. Except he was as capable as she was, so she couldn’t say that either.

“We’re not doing anything out here. It’s pointless,” he huffed and looked up at her. “We know how to fire a weapon. We should be helping, not babysitting.”

“We’re helpin. We’re doin what’s needed. Sometimes that’s the best help. And I personally am not itchin to get in there and have to kill people.” She knew those people. They wouldn’t all be soldiers. They’d be people she talked to. People she ate with and laughed with. People who didn’t do anything wrong except end up with the wrong leader in a world trying to destroy them.

“They tried to kill us. They tortured you. Killed your boyfriend. Tried to kill you and Daryl and Merle. They’re getting what they deserve,” he frowned at her. He was looking like he didn’t understand how she could not be ready for this fight.

She furrowed her brow. “They’re people, Carl. Like you and me. Not some trained mercenaries. And I know what needs to be done. Doesn’t mean I wanna be the one to do it. They didn’t choose to have a crazy man leadin them. They probably don’t even know he’s crazy. They think we’re the bad ones.” Since when had he been so eager for a fire fight? She knew he’d been growing colder and more distant. But the idea of him wanting to shoot someone made her sick. Because he should still be that little boy who she should be watching play soccer or baseball. Not in a prison involved in war with some crazed man and his people. Carl just dismissed her, going back to glowering toward the prison.

“Looks like it worked,” Hershel said as they watched a few of them running from the prison. Not nearly as many that went in.

“We should go after them,” Carl said and seemed to be readying himself to run. Hershel put a hand on his shoulder.

“That isn’t what your dad would want, son. We’re staying put until we’re told otherwise.” Carl huffed out an irritated breath but didn’t say anything. All of them turned toward a loud crashing noise through the trees.

A young man came running out of the trees, stopping when he saw them. “Put the gun down, son,” Hershel told him calmly, but all three of them had their guns drawn on him. The boy was young, maybe early twenties at most. She didn’t know him for sure, but thought she might have seen him around Woodbury a couple times. He nodded, ready to put down his gun when he was stopped, dropping suddenly at the bullet that came from Carl’s gun.

Her eyes went wide as she stared at the kid. A kid. Barely older than Beth. Probably not even 10 years older than Carl. She felt like she was frozen as it hit her that the kid she’d watched grow and play with trains and took to baseball games had just shot someone who was surrendering. He was young and scared. Probably didn’t even want to be there in the first place. And now he was dead. “Carl, what did you do?” she practically whispered as she stared at him in horror.

His face was a look of shock for a moment before he pulled it into a stone cold mask, turning from her. “He drew on us.”

“He was surrendering,” Hershel said. His voice wasn’t angry, but she could hear the sorrow in it. The worry. The disappointment.

“He drew on us,” Carl said again, angrier this time.

She shook her head, still trying to comprehend. “Carl, that’s not-”

“We should go back in,” he ignored her, pointing to the gate.

Natalie watched as Glenn and Maggie made their way to the gate, the signal to come back. She looked to Hershel for a moment before she climbed into the driver’s seat. What was she supposed to say about this? What was she supposed to tell Rick? Had this world already broken the sweet kid who used to cry when she went on trips and he wouldn’t see her for a week? She stared at Hershel. They both knew the kid was surrendering. And that Carl was going to have to live with it. Maybe this was his way of doing that. Pretending the kid would have shot them. That he was protecting his family. She knew she’d have to deal with this later. She wasn’t about to let one of her favorite people in the world become anything like the governor.

When they made their way into the cellblock, she found Daryl first, wrapping her arms around his neck in a hug. “You’re okay,” she breathed into his ear. She hadn’t realized how much fear she held that he wouldn’t be until she was standing there with him, realizing he was fine.

He nodded against her. “We’re goin after ‘em,” he told her. She pulled away and knit her brows together. “Governor got away. Can’t let him regroup again,” he told her. She nodded. “You need to stay,” he told her. “I need you to stay,” he added when that frown was on her face again.

“Daryl,” she frowned. “It was hard enough not knowin you guys were alright in here. You’re tellin me you want me to sit while you go chasin him and I might never see you again? I might not even know if you’re dead.”

He sighed. “I’m not orderin. I’m askin.” His blue eyes stared at her intensely. She looked away for a moment before turning back to him, nodding. He put a hand on the side of her neck briefly, which she understood as a thank you before he went to gather the weapons with Glenn and Maggie.

Merle was grinning as he walked past her. “You see em runnin, little deputy? Bet a couple of em even need to change their drawers,” He laughed. “You sure missed out on some fun.” And it actually drew a smile out of her because only Merle could be so damn excited about something so dangerous. Daryl calling Merle’s name drew his attention from her as he looked over her shoulder. “Gotta help baby bro load up so we can finish the son of a bitch,” he said, puttin a hand on her arm briefly as he passed.

Carl stomped off angrily past her and when she turned, Hershel and Rick were talking. She didn’t have to hear to know what was being said.

“I was there. He didn't have to shoot. He had every reason not to-”

“Maybe it looked like that to you, Hershel-”

“Rick. I'm telling you he gunned that kid down,” Hershel said seriously before leaving him alone. He had the same concerns she did. She could see it when she’d looked at him in the car.

Natalie pulled Rick into a hug. He was clearly shaken by Hershel’s side of the story. Which she knew was the true side. “Rick, he didn’t have to shoot,” she said quietly when she pulled away. She paused. “You can’t let him turn cold,” she frowned. “He’s still a kid,” she added.

“I know,” he nodded again. “I’ll talk to him,” he assured her.

She followed the others out, preparing the cars. She stared at Rick, knelt down next to Carl, talking, as the others prepared to leave. Maggie and Glenn were talking quietly together. She sighed and walked over to Daryl, who pulled his motorcycle up next to the truck. “Guess I can’t convince you to also stay? Or to change your mind about me comin?” She asked.

“I’ll come back,” he assured her.

She nodded. “You better. I don’t wanna have to come find you,” she warned. The corner of his lips twitched.

“We’re staying,” Glenn announced, pulling their attention away from each other. “If he comes back, we’ll take care of things here,” he added. Maggie nodded.

Rick stared at them for a moment. “Okay. I appreciate you stayin,” he told them. He turned to Natalie. “Nat, come on,” Rick told her as he opened the truck door. He had clearly expected she’d want to go.

She looked at Daryl, who was staring at her. He looked tense. Almost as if he expected her to get in the car with them. To go back on her word. To insist she be a part of it. Put herself in danger again. Then she looked to Rick. “I’m stayin too,” she told him.

Rick looked at her curiously. Then to Daryl, who was not looking at either of them, and quickly climbed on to his bike. The ghost of a smile hit Rick's lips as he looked from Daryl to her. “Alright,” he nodded. “We’ll see you soon,” he hugged her. And she watched them head off again, and she knew it would be a long night waiting for them.

Notes:

Bonus chapter, because chapter 48 and 49 were originally one chapter, but I really hate making them more than 3k words, so I opted to break it up.

And here we are at the end of season 3.

Thank you all for reading, commenting, bookmarking, and the kudos! I appreciate you all so much!! 🫶💕

Chapter 50

Five months had passed since the residents of Woodbury moved in to the prison. Five very long months of cleaning up and rebuilding areas of the prison. Reinforcing fences. Making sure people had jobs and knew how to survive. The safety of numbers was nice. And she liked a lot of them, even. But it was exhausting, trying to manage so many people. And it wasn’t just Woodbury residents. Every run it seemed like more people were brought in. And each time, she waited to see if they would hurt the group. But the danger never came.

As dawn broke one morning, she made her way down to the gate to go hunting. Unfortunately, more people meant they were going through way more food. And they’d seen deer out in the woods. Which would feed quite a few people off a single kill. Daryl was already down there with Merle, discussing the plan. Probably figuring out which one of them was accompanying her today. Neither of them ever insisted she couldn’t leave the gates and safety of the prison without them, but at least one of them always seemed to be around and available to join her, even on days she wasn’t out on the road on a run. “And who do I have the pleasure of taking out with me today?” She raised a brow, smiling at them.

“Oh, she’s a smartass this morning, baby brother,” Merle barked out a laugh.

“Just thinkin how strange it is to have the two men who I heard were goin out on runs today standin and waitin on me like I’m royalty or somethin,” she crossed her arms. Fine. Maybe Merle was right. Maybe she was being a smartass.

“Plans changed,” Daryl shrugged. “You comin?” He asked, readjusting his bow on his shoulder.

“Do I have to deal with both of you this morning?” She asked.

“Sure do, darlin. Ain’t you just the luckiest little princess in the world,” Merle answered. “Farmer Rick says the pigs ain’t ready for slaughter, and we gotta have some protein or we’re all gonna waste away. Tired of chewin on old jerky and eatin rabbit food,” he added.

“Stop callin him that,” she rolled her eyes, but it brought a slight smile to her face. “He’s copin,” she added.

“We’re all copin. You ain’t put down your gun and hide away in the fields all day. You still go out and hunt and take point on runs,” he shrugged.

“We all cope in our own way,” she told him. Her way was to be out there when she could. Making sure people stayed alive. She didn’t want to be cooped up all day with people who didn’t understand what it was like to be out there and in real danger. And she certainly didn’t want to be stuck inside waiting for the news that someone had died.

“Well, your version of copin means you get to spend the day with your two favorite people in this place,” Merle smirked.

“Of course,” she rolled her eyes again, but followed. Because she liked the woods. The peace and quiet. The prison was loud and people always wanted to talk to her. They wanted to be a community, the way they were in Woodbury. With classes on cooking and survival tips. Sewing circles. Decorating cells like it was home. They’d laugh and joke like the world wasn’t full of undead people and murderers. She didn’t fault them for it. People had to have lives. It wasn’t like she didn’t laugh or joke or have fun. She just got overwhelmed being around them all. She didn’t want to forget what the world was. Most of the people there had never lived outside the walls the way her group had. Most of them couldn’t survive on their own.

“You’re grumpy today,” Daryl muttered when they’d made their way into the woods.

“I’m not grumpy. I’m tired. I was on guard duty last night,” she groaned. “Besides, you’re grumpy every day, so who are you to talk?” She smirked at him.

“New folks don’t think I'm grumpy,” he told her, looking back at her with a smile.

“That’s because you brought em in and the only time they see you, you’re bringin them food,” she teased.

“Don’t hurt,” he laughed.

“They like me for my looks and personality,” Merle added with a grin. She raised a brow and looked at Daryl, both of them smirking. “You two are assholes,” Merle told them. “Gonna head east. Let you two take this path. Maybe we’ll actually find somethin today,” he told them. And without another word, he took off in the other direction.

By noon, they still hadn’t seen anything but tracks and a few rabbits, and she was getting impatient. She pulled out a couple pieces of jerky from her bag, handing him one as they took a seat near the river. They were so close to where they’d spent the night that first night after the farm fell. When her world had turned over. When Daryl had become her lifeline. It was strange to think they’d traveled all those months just to wind up at the prison a few miles out. “You goin out lookin for the governor again tomorrow?” She asked as she chewed on a piece. He and Michonne went out at least once a week. Sometimes they weren’t back for a day or two. Those were long days for her, even when she had her own tasks to keep her busy.

“Startin to feel pointless. It’s been months,” he shrugged. “Got so many people now, he probably wouldn’t even show up. We got his army.”

Natalie thought about it. He was probably right. Even if he planned on coming back, he’d need time to build up an army. They had no shortage of people anymore and all the able bodied men and women were being trained with weapons to protect themselves against walkers. More people meant more noise and they’d been having to clear off fences daily instead of weekly like in the beginning. “But you’re still goin,” she said. She knew the answer. Part of her wondered if it was just for Michonne, or if it was for her too. Maybe he thought she could finally sleep if the governor was finally dead.

He nodded, a soft mhm leaving his lips. “She needs someone to watch her back. Ain’t no one else to go. ‘Cept Merle. And you know how that went last time” He popped his last bite of jerky in his mouth and leaned back on his hands, glancing at her. She let out a soft laugh. She’d heard them both complain about each other for a week after to anyone who’d listen. She was in no hurry to pair them again any time soon. “Hear you been spendin a lot of time with the doc lately,” he added quietly.

She raised a brow. It was true she spent a lot of her free time with him. She’d started working with him and Hershel to learn first aid they might need. Doctors were a resource they didn’t have enough of, and anyone who could learn should, she figured. “He’s teachin me things,” she shrugged.

“Bet he is,” he muttered. She searched his face for irritation but it didn’t hold any more than normal. She wondered how she would feel if Daryl were interested in someone. Except she didn’t have to wonder. She knew. She would be upset. Deep in her bones, even if she had no right to be.

“Who’s talkin to you about me and Caleb?” She raised a brow.

“Merle,” he shrugged. “And some other people. Damn gossip mill up there,” he added, sounding annoyed, but she knew it was just talk. He cared about the people he brought in. Knew all of them. Talked to them. She was pretty certain he liked that people looked at him like he was a good man, even if he wouldn’t admit it to save his life.

Sure, maybe in the normal world she would have liked Caleb. Maybe even gone out on a date. But this wasn’t a normal world. And she couldn’t imagine being with anyone she didn’t trust wholeheartedly. Someone she didn’t know with every fiber of her, the way she knew the others from the original group, along with Sasha and Tyreese and Michonne. She knew the way they moved in danger. The way they protected each other no matter what. It was part of the problem with trusting the new people. She had no idea if they would run when real, terrifying danger hit.

“You spend half your days with Michonne,” she raised an eyebrow to prove a point. Spending time with people didn’t mean there was interest.

He looked at her with a look that she knew meant it was not the same thing at all. “Mouth to mouth ain’t on our agenda when we spend time together.”

“Not on ours either,” she told him. Then came the exaggerated mhm. She smacked his chest lightly with the back of her hand, laughing. “It's not. It’s just nice to talk to him. He’s smart. Funny. We liked the same movies and books back when the world was normal. He had a niece about Carl's age. He’s nice.”

“And you like nice,” he said skeptically.

“I do,” she said emphatically. She grabbed a handful of berries and popped a couple into her mouth. “But we’re just friends. And it’s important to learn the medical stuff. Hershel and Caleb are all we have. And we have a lot of people to take care of now.” She said defensively.

“Not the way I heard it,” he shrugged. “Word round the prison is you and the doc are an item. Or bout to be. Tyreese was talkin to Rick about it. Apparently some of the ladies were askin about it, and he told Karen he’d get the scoop for em,” he scoffed.

“Oh,” she said, a little amused. But it wasn’t like she was some teenager who needed permission. “What'd Rick say?” She grinned. She was curious. “That I can’t date boys till I'm 35?”

“That you’re grown and you’ll make up your own mind no matter what he says,” he shrugged. And then he smirked at her. “But he told Tyreese that he didn’t think it’d end well for the doc if he got too close because you don’t do nice guys.”

“He did not!” She laughed.

“Swear. Ask him when you get back,” he stood up, holding out a hand for her to help her up.

“Oh I'm gonna. And he’s gonna tell me you’re a liar,” she chuckled.

“Might be a lot of things, but I ain’t a liar,” he raised a brow at her, his lip still quirked up. “You wanna head back?” He asked.

She shrugged. Truth was she didn't. Because she reveled in her time with Daryl. She knew it was selfish to still feel that way. To long for his touch. For his gaze. But she still struggled. Nightmares. Knowing that the governor used Graham against her because he knew about their prior relationship. The fact that if he’d known the extent of her feelings for Daryl, he probably would have been the dead one. And both of them had been through so much, she was terrified of losing the friendship. She’d almost destroyed it when she’d kissed him. And then all they did at the prison was fight. This version of him and her? This was enough. Maybe. It had to be. Because she couldn’t lose this. “I’m not in a hurry,” she told him.

“Well if you ain’t tired, let’s head east for a bit. Might pick up somethin,” he told her, and waited for her to fall in step with him.

“I’m goin on a run tomorrow with Sasha and Tyreese,” she said as they walked. “Wanna check out a couple towns west of Woodbury. They found em when they were on their way here, but they were overrun.”

He looked at her and nodded. “Sure it’s a good idea? Just the three of you?” He asked.

“Sasha's as good a shot as I am with a gun. Tyreese is big enough to make anyone think twice about attackin. And now I'm almost a pro hunter,” she grinned at the last bit. “So maybe we’ll get some grub while we’re out.”

“You ain’t as good as you think you are,” he said, the corner of his lips turning up as he looked at her. But then he thought for a moment. “Good crew, but don’t you think it’d be better to have someone from our group with you?”

“They are our group,” she reminded him. “I trust them as much as almost anyone.”

“You know what I mean,” he said, his face more solemn.

“You mean you or Merle,” she raised a brow. It hadn’t escaped her that she hadn’t gone on a single run without one of them there since they’d gone to Woodbury to finish everything. She wasn’t sure if it was because Daryl was still afraid she’d push herself into dangerous positions to save another person, or if both of them were afraid she’d find the governor and end up back in some torture basement.

She’d thought it was coincidence at first. Until it happened every time. No matter what they’d had planned, one of them had an excuse on why they were free to go with her and her group instead. And she’d tried to be annoyed by it. The overprotectiveness. But the truth was, she trusted them to have her back. She knew how they operated. She knew they’d never let anyone hurt her if they could help it. It gave her a sense of safety she realized she needed. And the fact that they didn’t keep her from going on runs and try to force her to stay in the prison was enough to keep her from being mad about it.

“I could tell Michonne I’m not comin. Or ask her to come with us. 5 is better than 3. Think she’d be fine with movin the search by a day,” he offered, ignoring her accusation.

“It’s not necessary, Daryl,” she sighed. “Besides, I’m sure Merle will decide at the last minute he’s bored and he’ll come with us, right?” She looked over at him, smiling a little.

He shrugged. “Never know what Merle’ll do,” he said, but his lips were turned up too. Because he knew she was exactly right.

They walked quietly until they were back at the edge of the forest where they ran into Merle, carrying a deer on his shoulders like it was a sack of flour and not a several hundred pound animal. He grinned at them, excited to show that he’d been successful when all they’d found was squirrels and a few rabbits. “I’m really not,” she said quietly. He looked at her, eyebrow raised in curiosity. “Into Caleb. There’s nothing there…I just…wanted you to know,” she added with a shrug.

“Okay,” he nodded. Maybe she was imagining it because it’s how she would have felt if the roles were reversed, but he looked a little lighter as they joined Merle.

Notes:

A little lightness at the beginning of this arc to break up the sad and angst (we all know there's plenty more of that in their futures)

Thank you so much for reading, reviewing, and giving kudos! You all are the best! 🫶💕

Chapter 51

She’d been fuming when she arrived back at the prison. The car stopped in a squeal of tires and she didn’t bother helping to unload as the others got out. Rick frowned at her as he passed, on his way to the garden to tend to the crops and pigs. “Nat, what’s wrong?”

“These people need some fuckin training!” She scowled at him. “It’s been six months! We don’t need farmer Rick anymore. They need Sheriff Rick, who can teach them how to follow fuckin orders!” She was so angry, she was practically in tears. It wasn’t about Frank. He was a new recruit. She’d barely spoken to him before this. She was used to the death. But it was the fact that it wasn’t the first time it’d happened. It wasn’t always the same. But the fact remained that almost no one outside of their original group knew how to handle themselves properly outside the safety of the prison.

He looked at her, clearly conflicted. “Nat, I-”

She sniffed, wiping the few stray tears from her cheeks. “It’s fine,” she breathed out. “I know you’re dealin with your shit,” she shook her head and groaned. “I’m sorry,” she added quietly. She’d let her anger get the best of her.

“Deputy!” Merle called out behind her, from the car. “Come on over here, girl!” He waved her toward him.

She rolled her eyes. He’d been trying to get her to lighten up the whole way home. Merle was someone she considered a part of her family now, but he sure as hell had a lot to learn about empathy. Most of the time, it was fine. They were both brutally honest with each other. But people were dying. People who lived with them. And she was ultimately the one leading the runs. Which meant she was the reason they were dead.

“You want me to tell him to leave you alone?” Rick asked. Like almost everyone, he’d learned to live with Merle. But it didn’t mean any of the original prison group truly trusted him. Not the way she and Daryl did. She shook her head. She could handle Merle. “Want me to ask Hershel to have the council keep you off runs for a bit? You can help me out here-”

“No,” she answered quickly. That was the last thing she wanted. He already had Carl out there. Which wasn’t totally bad, considering he was headed down a dark path if he’d kept going the way he was. But the fact was that Carl was incredibly proficient with a gun. Rick was not only proficient, he was a born leader. They were already down two people who would be helpful in the event of violence. She wasn’t going to end up the same. She needed to stay sharp and ready. “I’ll deal with him,” she told Rick. And quickly turned toward Merle.

“What?” She asked, exasperated as she approached him.

“Come on,” he grabbed her wrist, pulling her with him. He pulled her toward the spot where he’d been tinkering with a few cars. Making sure there were running vehicles that could carry most of them. “Check it out, girl. Got myself my own bike again,” he grinned as he walked over and started an old and very loud motorcycle.

She pursed her lips. “That’s great, Merle,” she told him. But she wasn’t impressed or pleased by this. “Why do you think this would make me feel any better?” She asked, leaning back against the side of the bus.

“Don’t expect it would. But you were losin it a little on your brother. Thought you might need some space,” he told her with a shrug. And then he grinned again. “Pretty damn good though, right?”

“Merle, Frank died not two hours ago,” she sighed and her shoulders went slack. He didn’t seem to understand what was bothering her at all. He always thought she could just move on. But she didn’t have that ability the way he did.

“Yeah, ‘cause he was a damned fool and didn’t listen,” he replied quickly. He reached into the bag on the motorcycle and pulled out a cigarette. “Come on now, darlin. You can’t be feelin guilty when there’s nothin you coulda done,” he took a puff before handing it to her.

“I’m responsible for them though,” she replied.

“Bullshit. You ain’t no one’s momma. You’re younger than half these folks and got more sense than any of em,” he told her. “Ought to be on that council they made up,” he added.

She shook her head. “I didn’t want a seat on the council. Told you that.”

He shrugged. “Think sometimes the best leaders are people who don’t want it.”

She let out a small huff of laughter, and actually smiled at him. “That was surprisingly profound.”

“Don’t sound so surprised, darlin. I got a brain,” he said, tapping his temple with his finger. “Just don’t always use it.”

“Ain’t that the truth,” she muttered. But he just laughed. Maybe because he’d done what he set out to do. He’d made her feel better.

“Know you miss him,” he said as he leaned against the side of the bus next to her, holding his hand out and waiting for her to share his cigarette. She looked at him, raising a brow. “Baby brother,” he added. When she didn’t answer, he reached in his bag and pulled out a jar of clear liquid.

“Is that-” she stopped and made a disgusted face when he opened the jar and tilted it toward her nose. “Merle, you can’t drink some random person’s hooch. It could kill you. Or blind you,” she frowned.

“Bullshit,” he waved his hand and took a long swig. “Been drinkin on it since I brought it back a week ago,” he added. “Come on, darlin. You been all wound up. Think this’ll do you some good.”

“If somethin happens-”

“You ain’t on watch tonight. Already checked with Carol on the schedule. Look, I know you got the whole cop’s baby sister thing, but I thought maybe you could give up the whole sad and traumatized gig for a night-”

“Oh fuck off. You’re an asshole,” she frowned and shoved him. “He’s out there,” she added.

“Darlin, he ain’t comin back. Even if he’s out there, he’s gone off with his tail between his legs, lookin for some new town to terrorize. Daryl and Michonne been out there every week, and ain’t found shit. You really think they wouldn’t have found somethin if he was hangin around waitin to come get you?” He asked, eyebrows raised.

She pursed her lips as she thought about it. Truth was, she knew the trail was cold. Daryl told her a week ago this was gonna be the last time he went out. That there was nothing to chase anymore. That he was sure the governor wasn’t anywhere near them.

She reached out and took a swig of the liquid from the jar. “That shit is foul,” she grimaced.

“That’s what makes it so good,” he grinned. “Come on,” he gestured to the watch tower closest to them, closing up the jar and stuffing it in a bag. It was her watch tower, not one they used. When she needed quiet, she’d come sit. Sometimes she’d watch Merle and Daryl and Tyreese tinker with the cars. Watch Rick and Carl out in the garden. Laugh as she watched Maggie and Glenn snuck off to be alone, giggling, like they thought no one knew.

She followed him toward the tower, climbing up. “So this is your big plan? Get me drunk and I’ll forget all my problems?” She raised a brow as she leaned back against a wall. He shrugged as he sat down next to her. She watched as he lit another cigarette and handed it to her before letting her take another drink of the liquid. She groaned and made a disgusted face. “How do you drink this stuff?” She asked, chuckling.

“Gets better the more you drink,” he laughed.

And unfortunately, he wasn’t wrong. By the time Daryl climbed up into the tower a few hours later, she’d forgotten how bad the hooch was. She was feeling lighter than she’d felt in months. She’d laughed so hard she’d cried as Merle told her stories about him and Daryl growing up. Stupid things Merle had done. Ways they’d pissed each other off. She knew it wasn’t all so light, but he had a good handle on how to keep things funny and cutting out the parts that she suspected weren’t so good.

Daryl looked between them and frowned as he climbed up into the tower. “What the fuck, Merle?”

She laughed, because of course he would go straight to blaming Merle. Merle looked at her with a grin that told her he wasn’t worried about his brother’s temper. “Girl was havin a hard day. Wanted to give her a little somethin to take the edge off,” Merle shrugged. He held up his jar to Daryl who just furrowed his brow.

“So you got her drunk? You outta your damn mind?”

“Calm down, Dixon. I’m barely buzzed anymore,” she laughed and dismissed his irritation. “Sit,” she patted the ground on the other side of her, but he didn’t move. He just stared at her like he was trying to figure out what the right path was. “Here,” she held out one of the jars Merle had handed her. But he didn’t move. “You gonna make me drink alone?” She asked, still holding out the jar.

“Don’t look very alone,” he grumbled, glancing at Merle.

“Nope, don’t mind me. Gotta get back for bible study with Hershel,” Merle plastered on a cheshire cat grin. She could see Daryl give him a look that she knew meant he knew Merle was full of shit. Merle might spend a lot of time letting Hershel counsel him. In fact, she was surprised to find that Merle seemed to genuinely respect and like Hershel. But there was no bible study. “Anyway, guess you got a choice to make, baby brother. You can stay here with our little deputy and make sure she don’t break her neck tryin to get down, or you can go cause you disapprove,” he said. He left no room for arguments as he took off.

She grabbed a cigarette and lit it. “So, you gonna leave me all my by lonesome up here?” She raised a brow. “Or you can have a drink and relax with me,” she offered him the jar again.

He hesitated, but sat next to her and took the jar. He took small drinks. Like he was trying to appease her. But he wasn’t drinking to get drunk. She had no doubt he’d be in his right mind if something happened. And she should be. But really, it was nice to not feel so damn heavy for once. “You had a bad day?” He asked.

“Started bad,” she shrugged. “Better now,” she added.

“What happened?”

She shrugged, feeling a little more sober as she thought about it. “Frank died,” she said. She sighed and spoke slowly. “We split off. Checked out different parts of the store. Frank was with Zach and me. Got a little cocky. Wasn’t watchin himself. And didn’t listen when I told him not to open a damn door without knockin first,” she chewed at her lip. “So door opened. Walkers tore him apart. I barely grabbed Zach in time,” she muttered, thinking about the poor kid. She liked him. And Beth was fond of him. She didn’t want to think about him getting hurt. “The 5 of us that were left took off. Barely got out. Missed out on a lot of stuff probably,” she finished.

“That’s rough,” he nodded. “Sorry.”

“I just wish these new people seemed to understand. Our group, we’re leadin em for a reason. Seems like they think just cause they got lucky bein alive when we found em that they know better than us,” she shook her head. “Maybe it’s just me they don’t wanna listen to. Maybe I shouldn’t be leadin these runs,” she admitted finally. It felt good. To be able to tell him about the day. To know he understood where she was coming from. Knowing he wouldn’t judge her for thinking less of the newcomers. He’d always been the one she could tell anything to. It was a relief.

He nodded. “Lot of em are learnin to survive ‘cause of you,” he told her, taking a small drink from the jar. “Lot of em want you out there with em,” he added. “I do.”

She looked at him, and smiled, rolling her eyes. “You wouldn’t need me out there. You and Merle are probably the only ones who’d be totally fine all on your own. You two’d be out there eatin squirrels and sleepin in trees,” she laughed, the picture popping into her head.

He shrugged. “Still like havin you out there with me. Watchin my back.” She noticed his hand raise to his mouth so he could chew at his thumbnail.

“You didn’t replace me with Michonne?” She teased. “I’d understand if you did. I mean, she uses a sword,” she added with a laugh. “She’s a little bit of a badass.”

“Nah,” he shook his head. “She don’t pick out dumb little trinkets when we head into stores,” he smiled a little. “Plus she’s already good at fightin, so she don’t always listen to me.”

She laughed. “So you’re admittin that you like my dumb little trinkets,” she teased.

He smiled a little wider, but shook his head. “That’s what you got from that? You <em>are</em> drunk,” he told her.

She shook her head and laughed, but didn’t say anything else. She just enjoyed the moment. Laughing. The lightness. Daryl might not be drunk, but he was relaxed. And they didn’t get enough of that time together. He and Michonne had been going further and further out with her obsession with finding the governor. Originally it brought Natalie some peace, thinking they’d find him. But the further they went, the longer they were gone. And this was the first time she’d seen him in almost 3 days.

“I miss when it was just us,” she said quietly. “I know it’s fucked up. I should be grateful for all the extra people. Enjoyin the community we’ve built. But it just feels like we’re all pulled in different directions now. I miss when we were all together. When it was just us takin care of each other,” she sighed. She leaned over to rest her head on his shoulder.

“I get that,” he nodded. After a moment, he started again. “Want me to stop bringin people in? Let em rot out there alone?” He asked and she could hear the joke in his voice.

She laughed quietly. “No,” she insisted.

“I’ll do it.”

“Shut up,” she teased as she looked up at him. And she couldn’t explain it as she stared at him. But it felt a little like something was different. She reached up and pushed his hair out of his eyes. “Hair’s gettin long,” she told him. “Given up on cutting it?”

He shrugged. “It don’t bother me. And I’m not sure I trust any of y'all with scissors.”

“I used to trim Shane and Rick's hair all the time,” she laughed. “I like it long though,” she told him as she ran her fingers through again, her palm resting against his cheek.

Maybe it was all of it. The day and the drink. Maybe it was just because she really did just miss him. Maybe she was finally just tired of surviving instead of living. She’d told Shane back at the farm she didn’t want to just survive. That she wanted a life. And yet she’d been depriving herself of the one thing that might make her really happy, and at peace.

She leaned forward and pressed her lips to his, softly. She half expected him to pull back and tell her no. But he brought his hand up to her neck, his thumb tracing at the line of her jaw. And it was strange because she’d kissed him at the camp. And he’d kissed her when she got back from Woodbury. But this was somehow totally new. There was no desperation in it. No despair driving her actions. No anger between them. No need for forgiveness or having to prove something. It was just them.

“Nat,” he breathed as she pulled back. “You’re drunk.”

“I’m not,” she said softly. And she wanted him to know that. This wasn’t some booze filled mistake. “Just realizin I don’t wanna keep makin myself miserable because I’m scared. We deserve some happiness. Everyone else gets some, and I’m tired of lettin him take it from me," she added, looking into his eyes. Searching for an answer. He didn’t give one. But when she leaned forward again, he let her. He turned, and both of his hands were on her. On her neck and jaw and in her hair. Almost unsure as he pulled her closer, but let her take the lead. She was anything but unsure.

Three loud clangs on the door to the hatch sent them flying apart. A minute passed before Merle’s head popped up under the hatch, and looked between them like he knew exactly what had just happened. Like he’d purposely given them time before he interrupted. “Sorry to interrupt. But council is lookin for Daryl,” he said. “Told em you were busy, but they said they wanna talk about our run to that big store tomorrow,” he added.

Daryl nodded, and looked at Natalie briefly before standing up. He held out a hand and helped her up so she could follow them down and back toward the cell block. She walked down the halls, fighting the urge to reach out and grab his hand. “We can talk tomorrow? When you get back from the run?” She asked before he went to the library, which now served as the place they discussed council business. He nodded. “Okay,” she smiled. And she finally felt lighter when she went to her cell and laid down, closing her eyes.

Notes:

Thank you so much for reading! 🫶💕

Chapter 52

Natalie was packing her bag when she heard Daryl’s voice through the sheet that served as her cell door. “Hey,” she smiled as she turned to see him walking in. She’d slept good the night before and felt lighter this morning than she had in a long while. Maybe optimistic was the word. Maybe she was just finally seeing a future.

He walked toward her like he was almost unsure. Like maybe she’d changed her mind from the night before. “We’re, uh, packin to head out. Just wanted to make sure you knew,” he said.

She grinned wider. “You wanted to say bye,” she teased. She stepped forward and pressed her lips to his, still smiling. “Afraid I’d come runnin out and throw myself at you in front of everyone?” She laughed as she pulled back. Mostly because they hadn’t talked since the kiss. Hadn’t discussed boundaries or who’d know or what exactly they were. Which felt silly because it wasn’t like it was some normal relationship. They had a bond she’d never had before with someone.

“Just makin sure you knew,” he told her. Just like he would have before. Except this time his hands were on her sides, just holding her. “Ought to be an easy enough run. Got a good crew,” he told her, like he knew she’d worry. Maybe he thought this was just what people did when they were together. Were they together?

“I know,” she nodded. “Better than you think. I’m comin,” she smiled at him. “Maggie’s a little under the weather. Girl stuff,” she said dismissively, trying to make it as casual as she could. She’d sworn to Maggie earlier in the morning when the woman had told her she was late, that she wouldn’t say a word. And it was a convenient reason for her to go with him.

“Nat,” he sighed.

“Good crew, remember?” She raised a brow. “Come on, it’ll be fine,” she slung her bag over her shoulder and grabbed his hand, pulling him out of her cell. She had to bite her cheek to keep from laughing when his hand pulled from hers quickly at the appearance of Rick. “Hey,” she greeted him with a hug.

“Heard you’re takin Maggie’s spot. Be careful,” he told her. “She knew the layout. You-”

“Have my favorite group of people to be on runs with,” she interrupted. “I promise I’ll be fine. You don’t have to worry every time I go out there,” she added.

He pulled her into a hug. “Just heard there was a lot of walkers there. Could be tricky,” he replied when he pulled back.

“I appreciate the concern. But you know what the answer is if you’re so worried about me every time I go out there,” she said, eyebrows raised. She’d thought the farming thing was good to start. It seemed to mellow him. Help him get back to the man she knew before everything. He seemed more like the Rick she’d grown up with. More at peace. But the longer he went without touching his colt, the more he shied away from it. Like it was some disease he didn’t want to catch. She wanted him back out there with her.

“Nat, you know-”

“Yeah, yeah,” she dismissed with a sigh. “Looks like we’re gonna have to agree to disagree,” she told him, giving him a familiar smug grin. The way she always had when she’d at minimum not lost an argument with him or Shane.

Rick put his hands on his hips, looking between her and Daryl.

“I got her,” Daryl assured him. “Ain’t comin back without her.”

“Romantic, ain’t he?” She laughed. Daryl didn’t seem to find the humor in it. His body stiffened, like he thought she’d just outed them. But Rick smiled like he got it as the joke it was, so she felt better about it. “Come on,” she sighed, pushing at Daryl’s back to make him move. Once they were out of the cellblock and out of earshot, she stopped. “Are you scared of Rick findin out?” She asked, grinning. “You ashamed of me, Dixon?”

“Shut up,” he muttered, looking around. She just stared at him until he finally looked at her, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. “I- It’s just- He’s your brother,” he said.

Her brows furrowed. “And you think he’s gonna…” she let her words hang, waiting for him to tell her why Rick, of all people, would scare him. Rick was one of his closest friends. He shrugged. “Oh come on, Daryl. What’re you worried about?”

“Hey you two!” Michonne called out from the car. “You ready? We’re waiting!”

Everyone was standing around the car, staring at them, and finally, Natalie sighed. “Let’s go,” she said, brushing past him.

“Nat,” he said, following her. “Don’t wanna do this if you’re mad.”

“Not gonna throw you to the walkers, Daryl,” she rolled her eyes at him. “I’m not mad,” she added, because she was starting to think he didn’t know how to handle this whole thing. And maybe he just needed a little bit of patience instead of her being a pain in the ass. “Really. I’m not mad,” she said softer before they reached the others. He nodded, but she wasn’t entirely sure she’d alleviated the tension between them. So she climbed into the truck with Tyreese and Sasha instead of on the back of his bike.

She felt better when they arrived at The Big Spot and Daryl seemed like they’d never even had a talk. Like nothing had happened at all between them. They did a sweep and when she finished looking around at the empty military encampment, Daryl was seated against the glass of the store, waiting for any walkers inside to filter up toward the noise he’d made, and Zach was taking his daily guess on Daryl’s former profession. She laughed as she walked up and heard Zach’s guess of homicide cop.

“What’re you laughin at? He’s right,” Daryl insisted. His face was so serious, she actually questioned it for a second. “Undercover,” he said, looking at Zach. “Don’t like to talk about it because it was a lot of heavy shit, you know,” he added.

She and Michonne looked at each other, both of them holding back grins as Zach tried to figure out if he was right or if Daryl was messing with him. “Fine, I’ll keep guessing,” he finally admitted defeat.

“Don’t feel bad, kid. I’ve known him since day 1 and I still don’t know what he did before all this,” she patted Zach on the shoulder. The walker that was coming up to the window made him jump and she laughed lightly at his reaction. He smiled and rolled his eyes at her.

“We doing this detective?” Michonne asked Daryl with a grin.

“Let’s go,” he nodded. As he passed Natalie to go in, his hand brushed along the top of her shoulder and squeezed at the back of her neck gently before he pulled his crossbow off his shoulder and made his way in behind Michonne.

She followed, amusedly listening to Tyreese and Sasha’s bickering. It was bittersweet, watching other siblings. She wondered what things would be like if Shane were still here. If Rick had been fine from the start. Would all that mess about Lori have prevented Shane spiraling? Would they be bickering the way Sasha and Tyreese do?

She pushed that out of her head, because those thoughts never helped. Truth was, Shane was nothing like Tyreese. So there was no point in thinking that way. Instead, she grabbed a cart and pushed it through the empty aisles. It was a long time since they’d seen a store so totally untouched. She tried to focus on things that were important. Jugs of water. Food. Lanterns. But she couldn’t help herself from getting toys either. There were kids there, and as great as the prison was in terms of safety, it sure wasn’t an ideal place for kids. She always tried to grab new things for them. They might never know the joy of Christmas morning again, but she’d be damned if she didn’t give them things to look forward to.

A crash sent her running, her cart forgotten. She skidded to a stop as she noticed Daryl talking to Bob, who was stuck under a shelf that had fallen over. “Shit,” she muttered, hand on her chest as she caught her breath. Not ideal, but she’d thought something happened. “Bob, you hang on. We’ll get you out,” she insisted.

“Sure,” he smiled at her. “Couldn’t go anywhere if I wanted,” he added. And she gave him a reassuring smile. He seemed like a nice guy. Pleasant. And the fact that he was making jokes while he was pinned made her feel better about his ability to be cool under pressure. Maybe she’d take him out on one of her runs. She needed more people who were cool-headed.

The men lifted one of the shelves, lamenting how lucky Bob had been. Another crash pulled her attention and a walker came crashing down through the ceiling, blood splashing to the ground as it hung from what looked like it’s intestines. Sasha barely pulled her back to keep her from getting splashed. “I think we should go now,” Sasha said, pulling her rifle off her back.

“Bob’s still stuck. Get him out,” Michonne ordered, staring at the ceiling as well. “We’ll get the others out,” she added. Natalie couldn’t take her eyes off the roof, where she could hear more shuffling. She could see more coming. And hear the roof crumbling.

Before anyone could even act, another crashed through to the ground. Then another. 2 more. And then 2 more after that. It was like a never-ending barrage of the dead. Some of them exploded into bloody bombs on impact. Some snarled and growled at them, inching closer. Natalie was pushed back by Daryl as he hit it in the head with his crossbow. But so many were coming. And she’d gotten forced back as two more cornered her.

She felt fingers close around her shoulders, as she stabbed the one in front of her. She was half convinced she was about to be bit when they released, and she turned to see Michonne following through on a swing. “You good?” She asked, and Natalie nodded, though her heart was racing. But there was no time to recover. Gunshots were echoing through the store as the others fought off more of the walkers coming down. She only stopped to shoot ones that were directly in her way to Daryl, who was fighting off a group of them from where he’d climbed up on a display of boxes.

“Daryl!” She yelled out, running toward him. She aimed for one as she ran and tackled another, shooting it once they hit the ground.

“Come on! This thing’s about to go!” He grabbed her hand to pull her up, and she barely had time to register what he meant before he was pulling her closer to where Bob was still stuck, only letting go of her hand so they could use their weapons to take out the walkers between them and their destination.

“Daryl! Bob!” Zach yelled as he tried to scramble around the shelf to reach the walker that was almost on Bob, who was stuck, defenseless still. Daryl grabbed the walker by the legs and pulled it back before his foot came down on its head. “Help me get him out!” Zach groaned as he grabbed the shelf and started to lift. Daryl pulled Bob out quickly. But before they could even help him up, Zach was screaming.

“Zach!” Natalie saw the walker on his leg. All she could think was what Rick had told her about Hershel’s leg. That if she could get to him, they could save him. They knew it worked. And he was just a kid. He might want his leg, but he’d rather live. She watched in horror as the walker crawled up his back, biting his neck. There was nothing to be done then. This wasn’t something he could recover from.

“Nat, we gotta go!” Daryl was yelling at her as the threat of the roof collapsing loomed over them.

She knew he was right. They had to get out of there. But she couldn’t listen to Zach scream. Couldn’t let him turn into one of those things, trapped under a collapsed ceiling, starving and dying all over again. She took aim, and looked away as she pulled the trigger before running for the exit.

No one stopped as they ran for the cars, and she hopped into her spot in the truck with Sasha and Tyreese. She barely got in the door before the truck was taking off as the building collapsed entirely, and the noise drew more walkers. She didn’t mind though. She didn’t want to talk. She’d just shot a kid she’d sworn to protect. And they had nothing to bring back to the group to even show for his death.

Daryl opened the back door to the truck, helping her down. “You good?” He asked. She nodded. “Sure?” He raised a brow.

“Daryl, I just shot a boy who should be in college right now,” she frowned. She closed her eyes briefly before looking at him again, because she didn’t mean to snap at him. “I’m as good as I can be,” she said, her voice softening. “I gotta tell Beth,” she sighed.

“Was my run. I should tell her. He was my responsibility,” he said solemnly. She knew Daryl liked Zach. He was probably one of the few new members of the group who actually talked to Daryl. Who’d seen him smile genuinely.

“No, he was mine,” she said.

“You weren’t even supposed to-”

“Wasn’t my run. I know. But Zach has been on my team. I’ve been lookin out for him every time. I promised him on his first run that I’d protect him,” she said quietly. The others were still climbing out of the cars and she knew they were listening. “Come on,” she said. “We can both go,” she added, defeated.

The walk to Beth’s cell felt both incredibly long and daunting, and somehow too short. Because she didn’t want to tell the poor girl her boyfriend was gone. But she knew Beth could see it before either of them spoke. “How’d it happen?” She asked.

“We got overrun,” Daryl told her.

“I shot him,” Natalie barely got out. She didn’t even mean to just blurt it out. It was like her body couldn’t contain the words. She couldn’t handle Daryl sugarcoating it. Making it okay. Nothing about it was okay. But nothing about the world was okay these days.

Beth nodded. No tears. No reaction. “So he wouldn’t suffer?” She asked. Natalie nodded, her eyes welling up. She’d somehow made it through almost 2 years without having to pull that trigger more than a few times. Every one took it’s toll, though, even if it was mercy. Maybe this was worse. It felt worse. Beth pulled her into a hug. “You did the right thing,” she said against her ear. Natalie frowned as Beth pulled away. Beth looked between them. “I don’t cry anymore. Losin people, it’s the way things are,” she turned back to Natalie. “But it was good. That he didn’t suffer,” she added.

God, what had happened to them that Beth was so casual about losing someone she cared for? Beth, who’d been heartbroken at every loss. Who’d barely survived the death of her mother. And she was just…matter of fact. They’d set up walls for safety. Built a community. But the truth was, the mental toll it took on all of them was heavier every day. She just nodded again before walking away, back toward her cell. Because what else was there to say? Beth was right. She’d done the right thing. Done the thing she’d want for herself. And Zach wouldn’t be the last one they lost. But it didn’t make her feel any better as she laid in her bed, staring at the wall, and pretending to sleep so she didn’t have to talk about it anymore.

Chapter 53

When she woke up in the morning, she found Daryl slumped against the wall across from her bed, asleep. She’d heard him come in and sit, but had pretended to be asleep. She just didn’t want him to tell her it was okay. That she’d done the right thing. She knew that. But it hadn’t made her feel any less miserable about it. She grabbed a pile of freshly washed clothes one of the women had set on the top bunk for her and tiptoed out, trying to avoid waking him. He must have been up half the night, because he didn’t stir.

She felt oddly guilty. Running off to be by herself isn’t how she should react. She’s supposed to lean on him. She always has. But something about Beth’s pragmatism to the whole thing just shook her. Like what right did she have to feel so awful if the girl who spent all her time with him, the girl who’d felt so deeply about everything, could just understand?

Once she was changed, she made her way out of the prison and down toward the watch tower where she knew Merle was on guard.

“Hey little deputy,” he smiled at her as she climbed up and joined him, leaning against the railing. The sun was rising, leaving bright orange streaks across the sky that bathed everything in a soft glow. Rick and Hershel were already tending to the crops. It was peaceful. “Heard you had a rough day yesterday,” he added.

“M’okay,” she murmured. She didn’t want to rehash everything. She looked over at him. “Which one talked to you?” She asked. There were several candidates. Hershel. Rick. Daryl. The latter seemed the most obvious. But Hershel had a way of making sure the people who cared most about her knew when she needed support.

“Daryl,” he answered, surprisingly straight forward. She half expected a joke. But he sounded genuine. “Was worried about you. Don’t think he knows what he’s doin,” he added, laughing lightly. “Think it was killin him to ask for my advice. Especially concernin you,” he grinned.

She raised a brow. That was news to her. Daryl knew her better than anyone. Definitely better than Merle. “Why? He’s never needed your advice before regardin me,” she reached out and grabbed a cigarette he held out for her, leaning back and closing her eyes as she inhaled. She wasn’t sure how Merle always stayed supplied, but she was certain that man could smell cigarettes a mile away.

“You wasn’t together before,” he barked a laugh. “Ain’t seen Daryl make a move on a girl since-” he stopped, looking into the distance as he thought. “Well, probably since little Sally in his grade school-” he stopped. “Maybe it was Suzie. Sandy? Ah, hell, I dunno,” he waved his hand dismissively. “Anyway, guess someone told him girls like it when you’re mean to ‘em,” he chuckled and she had a feeling she knew who ‘someone’ was. “He pulled on her ponytail. Crazy little bitch turned around and decked him. Square in the nose. Blood everywhere. He came runnin home, upset. Had to clean him up before our pop came home and saw him all bloody and cryin so he wouldn’t get the belt,” he added, his voice sobering a little at the end.

“That’s a terrible story,” she told him.

“Well, yeah. Daddy was a mean son of a bitch. But you know that. Sure you’ve seen the scars,” he waved it off. She wondered if he didn’t want to think about it. Daryl never talked much about his upbringing. “Anyway, I think that was the last time he asked me about a girl,” he laughed. “Till you came along,” he added. “Maybe you’re the first one that’s been important,” he shrugged.

“So what’d he want to know? If he should pull my hair to make me feel better?” She asked, not hiding the sarcasm in her voice.

Merle barked out a laugh. “Nah, but somethin tells me you might like that,” he winked at her. She felt her cheeks heat, because she’d never planned to discuss details of intimacy with Merle. He only laughed harder when she told him to shut up. “He didn’t know if you’d be pissed if he sat in your cell all night,” he finally admitted. “Told him you’d be less pissed if he crawled up into your bed and-”

“Merle!” She frowned.

“Ah, come on darlin. You know I’m kiddin. He didn’t know if you’d want your space,” he told her.

“He’s never needed to wonder before-”

“You ain’t never been an item before,” he laughed. “You got the boy all confused. All worried about doin the wrong thing. He don’t wanna pull on your ponytail and have you punch him,” he grinned.

She rolled her eyes. “Ain’t gonna punch him,” she muttered.

“Well you best tell him that,” he pointed down to the courtyard where Daryl was walking out of the prison. She nodded, knowing she should go talk to him. “And sweetheart?” She stopped, looking back at him. “You mess him up, I’m gonna be upset. I like you. Don’t wanna have to choose between you,” he smiled.

And she laughed, because it was probably the closest thing to brotherly protection she’d ever heard from Merle that wasn’t true life or death. “You do have a heart, after all,” she teased quietly.

“Don’t go spreadin that shit around,” he groaned.

“Secret’s safe with me,” she nodded before climbing down. She waved at Rick and Hershel before heading back toward the building where she’d seen Daryl. “Mornin,” she said softly as she approached. She nodded toward one of the benches with her head, and he followed her but didn’t sit.

“You snuck out this morning,” he said. But she knew it was a question.

“Didn’t want to wake you,” she said, leaning her arms on her thighs, leaning forward. She looked up at him at him. “You sleep there all night?” She asked.

He shrugged. “Just makin sure you’re okay.”

“Told you I’m fine,” she said. Everything felt oddly formal. Like the run had come between them. Maybe neither of them knew how to navigate whatever this was.

“You were cryin,” he said. “In your sleep,” he added.

She nodded, running her tongue along her teeth and pursing her lips, trying to figure out what to even say. That she was sad? That she’s dreamt of Zach all night? Tried to figure out where they went wrong? He reached out and tucked her hair back tentatively. She stood wrapping her arms around his neck, melting against him. “I’m glad you’re okay,” she whispered. “Coulda been you at the store instead of Zach,” she added. And maybe that was what had been killing her. That somewhere, deep down, she was just grateful it hadn’t been him lifting the shelf, getting bit.

“Ain’t gotta worry about me,” he insisted quietly. “I’m good at survivin, remember?”

She raised her head, and smiled, despite her sadness and exhaustion at losing people. Because he was right. He was good at surviving. But he was also good at putting himself in the path of danger for other people. The same way Zach had been so worried about Bob and getting him out, that he hadn’t full scoped his surroundings. And one second was all it took. “Still gonna worry about you.”

She started to reach up and kiss him, but could feel the instant he realized it. She sighed. “You’re still worried about Rick,” she said.

“Nat, I-”

“It’s fine,” she said, stepping back. Not that she loved the idea of hiding this from Rick and the others. But she also knew she should avoid pushing too hard. “I get it,” she added, nodding. “We can let things settle before we involve anyone,” she added. He nodded, but looked unsure. Like maybe he’d made her mad. She reached out and gave his hand a quick squeeze before letting go. “I mean it,” she assured him. “I don’t care who knows. I just care about you. If this is what you need, you got it,” she added.

“I just-” he stopped. “I should tell him,” he said.

“I get it,” she nodded. It was mostly true. She wasn’t quite sure what his apprehension was. She was pretty certain Rick had his suspicions. He had to know how she felt, at least. But she also knew Daryl had his own code. And probably felt like he owed it to Rick to be the one who told him.

“You don’t,” he shook his head. “Shoulda done it before,” he started pacing. “He ain’t gonna want you with someone-”

“Dixon!” She frowned, feeling irritation bubble because she knew what he was thinking. She crossed her arms as she called out his name, stopping him. “Someone who what?”

“Some asshole redneck who ain’t do shit in this life before everything!” He turned back to her. “You told Zach you didn’t know what I did before all this. You ever wonder why I don’t talk about it to you?” He frowned, stepping forward, his arm flying out dramatically. Of course. She knew this version of him. The one who pushed her when she got too close.

“I don’t care,” she tilted her head, trying to figure out how they went from good to this. “Daryl, what we did before, it doesn’t matter anymore. What matters is that you took care of me! Took care of my family! That tells me all I need to know about who you were, even before this.”

“You wouldn’t have looked twice at me before all this,” he waved his hand. “Hell, back at camp you thought I was some hillbilly hick whose only use was for food. Wasn’t wrong,” he frowned. He started pacing again.

“Please don’t do this shit,” she groaned, dragging her hands through her hair. “We were good. I’m tellin you we’re good. And I’m also tellin you that Rick loves you. He trusts you more than anyone. He’ll be happy for us. And Daryl, even if he wasn’t, I wouldn’t give a damn. I told you,” she pleaded. “You wanna talk about who we were before all this? I liked to go party and have a good time. I was frivolous. I was weak.” She poked his chest with her pointer finger. “You made me stronger. You made me believe I could save myself. You didn’t treat me like some dumb spoiled girl. You taught me how to hunt and protect myself. You became home to me,” she frowned, wishing he’d understand.

“You weren’t weak,” he muttered. “You pointed that gun at me and Merle when we showed up, ready to shoot.” He’d at least lost the anger in his voice.

She shrugged, hoping she could pull him out of this stupid spiral he was going into. “You ever met anyone who didn’t have at least a thought about shootin Merle?” she smiled softly. She sighed. “I wouldn’t have survived any of it. Losin Shane. Endin up in Woodbury. The Governor-” she stopped, because she didn’t want to think too hard about the things that had so deeply wounded her. “You taught me how to survive on my own. Back at camp, all that bravado I had, it was all my brother. I knew he’d go to the ends of the Earth for me. Nothin scared me when he was around. But when he died, I would have been lost. I’m tellin you, Daryl. You are the reason I’m standin here. And everyone that has been with us knows it.”

He stared at her for a moment before finally nodding, chewing at his thumbnail. She knew he was unsure. And at least she knew what was bothering him now. It wasn’t her. It wasn’t that he was unsure about her. It was that he still didn’t see himself the way she did. Gunshots rang out in the distance and they both snapped back toward it. Inside the prison. The girls, Mika and Lizzie, came running out, screaming for help, yelling about walkers in their block. Neither of them had to think before they were taking off toward the cell block.

Notes:

Well, I really thought I uploaded this over the weekend and was just kind of sad, thinking no one liked it 😂

Anyway, apologies for the wait, and hope you did enjoy. Thank you as always for reading! And especially those of you who leave reviews! I don't typically respond unless it's something that's a question I can answer (bc I'm pretty socially awkward haha) but just know they 100% make my day brighter when I see them. 💕🫶