Chapter Text
“Happy graduation!”
Hats are thrown into the vast sky as the students cheer loudly. After spending 3 long years in Asterum High School, they have finally graduated. They went through highs and lows, people came and went. But not for Bamby.
By his side, Eunho is standing right next to him. Bamby smiles to himself. When the silver-haired man is not looking, Bamby sneaks a peck on his cheek.
Eunho touches his cheek, bewildered. “I-in front of everyone?”
Bamby shrugs. “We graduated so I don’t see why we should care anymore.”
Unable to contain his ecstasy, Eunho drops the bouquet in his arms and wraps them around Bamby’s waist instead, lifting the shorter up. He spins them around. It’s not every day that his boyfriend, Bamby, would allow this public display of affection, especially in school. But like what Bamby just said, they have graduated. They don’t care about what anyone else says about them anymore.
No one else matters but each other. And a few of their friends.
“Hey hey hey, lovebirds! I see you’re not holding back anymore,” one of their friends calls them out. “Anyways, don’t forget that we are meeting for dinner tonight. Last one to arrive will treat us all drinks.” He winks and clinks his finger.
They each go their separate ways for one last time, in front of Asterum High School’s front gate. A whiff of nostalgia hits Bamby but Eunho snaps him out of it with a squeeze around his hands.
Eunho smiles reassuringly. No words are needed, Bamby knows what exactly Eunho is telling him. ‘I’m still here, so don’t worry. I’ll be with you forever.’ Bamby can hear those exact words playing through his brain, just as Eunho had promised him a week earlier when Bamby was having a little breakdown over graduating. He was crying hysterically with hot tears streaming down his cheeks.
It’s not anything serious. Just a thing called an early-life crisis where teens are scared of growing up.
The friends that you made in high school will eventually be left behind in high school. The promises that you keep with your friends will become harder and harder to fulfill as time goes by.
“I’m just so afraid, Eunho-ya…” Bamby cries out brokenly. “I know our friends said we will be together forever. But realistically, don’t you think that’s kind of difficult? We’re all going to different colleges… in different parts of the city… Even we… are not going to the same college.” Glassy eyes try to look into Eunho’s red ones for an answer. But Bamby sees the way Eunho falters a little. Even he knows.
Eunho has always been the realistic one of the relationship. Bamby loves and hates that about him.
“I won’t let that happen. Trust me, won’t you?” The distance between Eunho’s brows closes up as he tightens his jaw when he makes that promise. “I’m still here, so don’t worry. I’ll be with you forever.”
When you’re this young and in love, you believe in every single thing that your significant other tells you. In Bamby’s eyes, Eunho is almost like a superhero who can keep all his promises. At least, that’s what Bamby would like to believe in.
“Why don’t we just move in together?” Bamby rests his head on his boyfriend’s chest and he intertwines their hands together.
“You know we don’t have the financial means for that. But I promise to work hard in college so that I’ll get a good job after graduating and we will definitely move in together then. We can’t get married in Korea, I won’t legally be your first guardian but at least, I’ll always be there with you.” Eunho squeezes Bamby’s small hands tightly.
Bamby shuts his eyes and believes in Eunho’s words. The promise that is sealed by a kiss on the forehead. The promise that they were too young to make.
Clink. The bottoms of their glasses clink together and the group cheers rowdily.
“This is to us and the future!” They chanted in unison.
They put the glass to their lips and down the hot liquor goes into their throats. The unfamiliar feeling of hotness, spiciness, and bitterness hits them all at once.
“Is this what adulting feels like?” Someone asks.
Another refutes, already slurring on his words. “Nahhh, my parents told me that adulting tastes sweet. This tastes like ass! Why do adults even drink?”
“You think this tastes bad? I think it’s pretty good. Is this what it’s like to be an adult?” The statement sparks jeering from the group.
Bamby just laughs, his face equally as flushed as Eunho’s. It’s their first time drinking together. No, in fact, just drinking at all. Bamby is so glad that he is with Eunho.
He finds himself leaning into Eunho as the night goes on as the alcohol works its way through his system.
“So the both of you–” a friend points right at them. “When is the wedding?”
Bamby’s face flushes beyond his expectations. What should he say to that? A giggle and a ‘we haven’t thought about it yet,’?
But the question got Eunho stumbling on his words. “W-wedding? It’s n-not possible for that. N-no!”
The colour from Bamby’s face drains. This is where he says something, right? So why can’t he say anything? The words are stuck in his throat.
The same friend chimes right in before Bamby can say a word, not that he could even if he wanted to anyway. “Right right! We’re all still so young. Anyways here’s to the future and our youth!”
Everyone rises from their chairs and clanks their glasses together high up in the air. Bamby, who is no longer feeling it, has no choice but to do the same and act like he’s still having fun. But when they settled down on their seats again, Eunho’s words were all that he could think of.
The words replaying in his head prick at his heart.
Bamby turns to look at Eunho, trying to search for his eyes but the latter is so avoidant now. “What about the promise that you made last week and reassured me about earlier on?” Bamby wants to ask but it’ll remain in those dark magenta eyes. The eyes that Eunho swears on heavens that he can read. But right now, it doesn’t seem like that’s the case.
The walk home is silent. It’s unlike them, it’s awkward. Normally, they would be bantering. But the air has been different ever since what Eunho said during dinner.
Eunho sighs, finally breaking the silence between them. He stops in his tracks and grabs onto Bamby’s thin wrist. “Look, I didn’t mean that.”
Bamby gulps. Are they about to have this conversation right here, right now? On the walk home? When it will usually be fun? But it will end in mild sadness because they didn’t want to be apart? But that didn’t seem to be the case now. Bamby hates to admit but he wants to be apart from Eunho. He wants some time alone to think about Eunho’s prickly words and hurt himself in the process over and over again.
“...did you really not mean it?” Bamby says under his breath. So soft to the extent that Eunho will not be able to hear it if it’s not for the loud silence.
“Baby– C’mon, please. I was tipsy when I said that!” Eunho is half-pleading at this point.
“And you know what they say about drunk words. They’re usually the truth.” Bamby looks at Eunho with stone-cold eyes, causing his heart to sink to his stomach.
“No no no, that’s not the case at all. Baby, you have to trust me.”
“Trust what?”
“That’s not the truth—”
“Then what is the truth?!”
Eunho closes his mouth, hiding his fangs away, and silence bestows on them again.
Bamby scoffs. “I guess you have nothing to say to that, huh? Forget it. You don’t have to send me home today. I’ll see you tomorrow– or soon.”
Yeah, soon. Because they have graduated and no longer need to attend school. How will their relationship work out now? They never really talked about their future outside of high school.
Of course, it didn’t mean that they had to break up after graduating. But after hearing what Eunho said earlier on, Bamby’s heart is in the pits of his stomach.
Eunho is everything that he wants, or at least wanted. Someone to be together in school to talk to, to touch, to kiss, and just to be with. When Bamby needed someone, he just had to turn to his side and there Eunho was with his head on Bamby’s shoulders. Eunho is always a few inches behind him, always around but never far away. Even when they were at home, they were always calling.
Bamby really loves Eunho, and he thought Eunho loves him the same way too. But now he doesn’t know.
They are so young, the future seems so far away. Before they know it, they’re already living in the future that they never thought about. And the future is slipping away.
So is Bamby. Right now, he really hopes that Eunho will grab onto his wrist and stop him in his tracks, and begs him to stay. But Eunho is doing none of that. He’s letting Bamby go. It aches Bamby’s heart. Will Eunho let him go this easily too when he decides to leave one day?
Bamby can feel his phone constantly vibrating in his pocket on his way home. Instead of taking the usual route that he would take with Eunho, he took the longer route. It’s a shame. He should’ve been walking that route with Eunho because who knows when they will ever walk this route ever again?
Bamby dreads turning on his phone and looking at the notifications that have been going off since 30 minutes ago. But he knows that he can’t avoid it forever.
Eunho:
Babe, are you home yet?
It’s been 10 minutes since I sent the last text, you
should be home by now.
Bamby, I’m getting worried. Please drop me a text
when you see this. You had a bit to drink.
Hello?
Bamby scoffs at the messages. “If you cared about me this much, you should’ve come after me.” Eunho is getting harder to understand by the second. It’s as if the Eunho he knew was gone just seconds after graduating.
Bamby:
I’m home now.
Eunho:
That’s good.
Sorry about earlier. Let’s meet tomorrow and
talk okay?
Bamby:
Talk about what?
Bamby knows that he’s being really difficult to deal with currently, however, he can’t help it. It’s nothing that Eunho can’t handle. Eunho always has the solution to fix the shortcomings in their relationship.
Right?
Eunho:
About our future. Give me time to think for
tonight okay?
It kind of hurts Bamby’s feelings that Eunho has to think about their future together. Isn’t it simple and obvious what the next step in their relationship should be? Since they have already met each other’s parents, shouldn’t they move in together?
Although, even that is difficult to say. They don’t know if they’re going to be attending the same college yet.
Bamby slumps against his headboard. Has relationships always been this tough? Can’t they just go back to when everything seems a little clearer before graduation? When Bamby doesn't have to worry about when is the next time he will see Eunho.
Not knowing what to say, Bamby replies shortly.
Bamby:
Okay.
As promised, Eunho shows up at his front door the next day with snacks that Bamby likes. He feels his heart softens and he invites Eunho in.
“My parents aren’t home at the moment,” Bamby says after noticing how Eunho seems to be looking around for his parents.
“Oh, I see,” the taller mumbles.
“Let’s go to my room.” This usually opens up the mood for something else, but not today.
Bamby settles on his bed, knees to his chest with a pillow in between his body acting as a protective gear between him and Eunho. Meanwhile, Eunho sits at the edge of the bed, far away from Bamby. In between them are the snacks that Eunho bought for Bamby.
Eunho faces Bamby, looking at his boyfriend straight in the eyes. “Have you ever imagined us getting married together?” The silver-haired boy breaks the silence with a heavy question.
Bamby feels his chest tense up. Frankly, he doesn’t know what to say to that. Has he ever thought of them getting married? Probably not. No. He had never thought of marriage at all. He’s just 18, why does he have to think of that?
“You can be honest,” Eunho urges.
Bamby buries his face into the pillow. “No, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t wanna be with you.” Then he feels the space next to him sinking. Eunho is now next to him.
“That’s how I feel too. We’re still young after all. Let’s just stay together and we’ll think of marriage in a few years, okay? Preferably after college? When we’re both working adults. Maybe by then, the law allows for us to adopt kids, let’s do it. Okay? Hm? Bamby-ah?” Eunho lifts Bamby’s head and cups his cheeks. Unbeknownst, tears are running down Bamby’s cheeks and Eunho is wiping them away with his soft thumbs.
Bamby nods enthusiastically, his voice betraying him at an important time like this. Eunho just lets his boyfriend cry in his embrace for the next 10 minutes, reminding Bamby of the times they would do this on the school rooftop.
“What’s gonna happen to us when we end up going to different colleges?” Bamby nuzzles his nose into Eunho’s neck, leaving no space to be between them.
“Nothing’s going to change, okay? We’ll still see each other every day, I promise.” Eunho kisses the top of Bamby’s head.
With that one kiss, whatever negative thoughts Bamby has left in him disappear as if they were never there in the first place.
Right, they’re still young. Whoever said that they had to think of things like this now? They have forever, they can think about this next time.
Bamby runs to his door when he hears the doorbell ringing frantically. He opens the door to a sweaty Eunho who is panting heavily. The taller pounces onto him immediately.
“Did you see it? Did you see it?!” Bamby tries to find Eunho’s eyes but the latter starts jumping them up and down.
“I saw it! I’m so sorry I opened it before you. I know I promised that we would do it together, but I was too excited. And guess what?!” Eunho pulls away from the hug and holds Bamby by his shoulders.
Twinkling pink eyes are looking into his fiery red ones that seem to be glowing from excitement. “What what?” Bamby’s usual deep voice goes up two pitches higher. Eunho finds that really cute about his boyfriend.
“I got into Terra University! I’m going to study music in Terra University!”
The sparks in Bamby’s eyes disappear briefly before he goes on to congratulate Eunho.
‘It’s okay, it’s going to be okay. I’ll get into Terra University too,’ Bamby reassures himself. He signed up for Terra University too, although, it is not his first choice. His first choice was Asterum University. Now Bamby’s feeling anxious. He’s starting to get nauseous. ‘No, don’t even start right now, Chae Bonggu. Eunho promised that we would still meet every day.’
“Have you checked yours?”
Bamby shakes his head. “You said we would open together so… That’s fine! Let’s go and see mine now!” He grabs Eunho’s wrist and pulls him into his room.
They settle down in front of Bamby’s PC and the shorter clicks into his email. Lying in his inbox are two emails from Asterum University and Terra University.
The nausea is returning to Bamby. He breathes out shakily and inhales a deep breath. He bites on his lower lips. Eunho notices this and softly caresses Bamby’s trembling hands. “Remember our promise?” He reminds.
With that, Bamby clicks on the email from Terra University.
‘Congratulations! It is with great pleasure that I inform you of your acceptance in Fashion Design at Terra University. We look forward to seeing you at our university in the upcoming academic year!’
The two burst into screams. Bamby jumps into Eunho’s embrace, the other catching him without trouble. “We’re going to the same uni!” Bamby exclaims.
“Yes, we are! See, I told you that everything will be okay!” Eunho pulls Bamby in for a kiss on the lips. When he pulls away, he sees the flushed look on Bamby’s face and it tickles his stomach. “Why don’t we check for Asterum University too? Isn’t that your first choice?”
“Yeah, it is. But even if I do get in, I don’t care. I just want to be with you.” Bamby pecks Eunho’s cheek.
The taller chuckles and ruffles Bamby’s head. “Still check it in case you do change your mind.”
“Never! But let’s see.” Bamby clicks on the second email and he can’t help the squeal that he lets out.
“No way! Babe, you’re the real deal. Acceptance letter from the top 2 universities? You’re something else.” Eunho grabs Bamby up and throws him on the bed. Bamby lets out an accidental scream upon impact. “I guess my baby deserves a reward!” He starts showering Bamby in kisses.
Bamby’s room is filled with hearty laughter yet again.
The fact that they are not going to be studying the same thing does not bother Bamby at all. He’s just happy that he gets to be with Eunho even after graduating high school.
This makes it so much easier to keep their promise of meeting up every day. They don’t even have to worry about that. They can go to the university campus and go back home together. Bamby’s heart pounds excitedly at the thought of that.
The line rings once, twice, thrice. It keeps ringing until Bamby hears a ‘tut’ on the other side of the phone. He clicks his tongue in annoyance.
The sun seems harsher today, a representation of how his life has been like recently. University is kicking his ass. He barely has any time for himself anymore. He had to balance between assignments and Eunho. Although, the latter barely anymore.
They are currently in their second term and it dawned on Bamby just how unrealistic Eunho’s promise was. The whole image of going to school and back home together will remain a fantasy in Bamby’s head.
Bamby tries to be understanding of Eunho’s situation, of course. Because he is also in Eunho’s shoes. But quite honestly, it is getting a little frustrating. The time Bamby spent waiting for Eunho to reply to his messages or answer his calls can be used on his assignments. Instead, Bamby is standing under the burning hot sun that seems to show no mercy.
Just then, Bamby feels his phone vibrate in his hand.
Eunho:
Shit.
I just saw your call. I’m so sorry.
You can go ahead. I have a meeting with my club.
So I won’t be able to go home with you.
I’m so sorry again. I know I promised.
Bamby scoffs. Usually, he’d shrug and just go straight home to resume his assignments. But the sun is seriously irritating him today.
Bamby:
Forget it. I won’t wait for you anymore. Don’t
even bring up the suggestion of us going home
together anymore.
He types angrily into his phone before turning it to ‘Do Not Disturb’ mode and he makes his way home.
That day, Bamby may or may not have shed a few tears while doing his assignments. He’ll blame it on the stress of the assignment instead.
More tears are shed when Bamby’s back hit his bed that night and he sees Eunho’s reply that came in a few hours ago, saying ‘I’ll make it up to you. I promise.’
“Promise, huh? You toss that word around so easily like it doesn’t hold any weight.” For the first time, Bamby starts doubting Eunho’s execution of his promises and his walls are building up.
“Why are you here?” Bamby looks at Eunho dumbfoundedly. Though, he knows the reason why. It’s the weekends and they will always meet up at Bamby’s house over the weekends. They would do their assignments together albeit majoring in very different courses. It’s the company that matters. Although, Bamby doesn’t necessarily feel that way anymore.
“Because I promised that we would meet up every weekend,” Eunho replies as a matter of fact. Bamby quietly scoffs to himself. Eunho hears it and turns to look at the shorter. “Are you still mad at me for ditching you a few days ago?”
“What do you think?” Bamby brushes past Eunho and walks straight into his room, Eunho following behind.
“C’mon. It’s not like that’s the first time I did it. You never held a grudge before, why now?”
Bamby gives Eunho a look of disbelief. “Are you hearing yourself? You said it yourself and you’re wondering why I’m holding a grudge?”
Eunho sighs and averts his eyes to Bamby’s ceilings, he can’t look at his boyfriend right now. “This is just fucking ridiculous,” he says. His words send needles to Bamby’s heart, prickling at it until it starts slowly bleeding.
“Did you just call me ridiculous?”
Eunho flinches. “No, that’s not what I meant.”
“Then what is it?” Bamby takes a step forward, closing up on the taller’s personal space. Eunho reaches his arm out, stopping Bamby in his track within an arm’s length.
“I didn’t mean to say that. Anyways–”
“No!” Bamby cuts Eunho off. “Tell me what you think is so fucking ridiculous.”
“Oh my god! Will you just let it go!” Eunho pushes Bamby aside, causing the shorter to almost lose his balance and fall over. Eunho gasps. “I-i’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to do that.”
Bamby murmurs under his breath, “...you always say that.”
“What?” Eunho didn’t quite catch it.
“Just leave me alone today.”
Despite hearing Bamby loud and clear this time, Eunho cannot stop himself from asking, “What?”
“I said get out.” Bamby regains his stance and begins pushing his boyfriend out of his room. Eunho tries fighting back. He’s physically taller and bigger, it’s not difficult to overpower Bamby.
So why is Bamby not budging? The smaller is persistently placing his foot down and shoving Eunho out of his room. “Just leave!” His voice cracks and the waterworks in his eyes follow suit.
Taken aback by the tears, Eunho freezes up. Before he knows it, he’s already out of Bamby’s room and the door is slammed shut in his face. He bangs on the door. “Baby, please! Let’s talk. What’s wrong?”
“Just go!” Bamby feels all the strength leave his body as he drops to the ground.
“I’m so sorry. Let’s talk, okay? Chae Bonggu? We can fix this together.”
With what is left in him, Bamby lets out a chuckle. “What are you even sorry for?” It’s a question that Bamby expects a reply to. But the apologetic silver-head falls silent on the other side of the door. “Forget it. Let’s talk next time. I don’t wanna see you for the time being. Just go home, Eunho-ya.”
Bamby hears a heavy sigh and footsteps. Guess he’s finally leaving.
“I’ll think about what I did and we’ll talk again when you’re no longer mad at me, okay?” Eunho’s tone is gentle now, different from how it was earlier on.
When Bamby doesn’t reply, Eunho makes his way to the front door and takes his leave. Bamby waits for the door to close and ensures that there aren’t any footsteps from inside the house before making his way to his bed.
Yet again, his pillow has made friends with his tears.
Even though Bamby is sure that it wouldn’t matter he still made sure to avoid the spot where he would always meet up with Eunho for the next few days.
Until approximately a week later.
Eunho:
Are you going to keep ignoring me?
I know that you’re avoiding me.
Chae Bonggu. Talk to me, I’m being serious
right now.
Give me a reply once you see my message,
please.
A sigh leaves Bamby’s lips as he shoves his phone right back into his pocket without replying. He puts his earphones on and a familiar tune plays in his ears. It was their favourite song. The taller was the one who introduced the song to him and promised him that he would write a song for him some day.
Bamby fights back the upcoming tears that are about to form in his eyes and is about to take his phone out of his pocket to skip the song when a heavy hand lands on his wrist. Bamby didn’t even have to look at the person to know who it was. He can tell from the shade of the skin and the veins on his hands alone.
“Bonggu,” Eunho huffs out.
One word from Eunho alone is enough to send a knife straight through Bamby’s heart. Bonggu. Eunho called him by his real name. It’s getting harder for Bamby to swallow the lump in his throat.
“I told you to reply to my texts once you saw them. How could you just ignore them? I saw you putting your phone back in your pocket after reading my messages.”
Bamby breaks free from Eunho’s hold. “What’s it to you?” No. That’s not what he wanted to say.
Eunho scoffs, dumbfounded. Ridiculed by Bamby’s response. “What’s it to me? Bamby, you’re acting like we don’t know each other. It matters to me because you’re my boyfriend. ”
Boyfriend. Bamby wants to physically throw up at the mention of that word.
“Then why haven’t you been acting like that’s the case?” The shorter mutters under his breath. Even though it’s directed at Eunho, he hoped that the latter didn’t hear it. At the same time, he wished that he did. Because Bamby is honestly tired. He doesn’t see the future for them anymore. It’s dark and bleak.
Sighing in frustration, Eunho runs his fingers through his hair. “Okay, listen to me first, will you?” He looks around and notices people walking around who can hear their private conversation. “Why don’t we go back to your place or my place to have this conversation? It’s not very convenient here.” He grabs onto Bamby’s wrist again without waiting for his reply. But Bamby jerks Eunho’s hand off his wrist. The taller turns back, surprised by Bamby’s violent action.
“We won’t do that. We can either have this conversation here or we can do it at the campus’s café.”
Eunho can be seen holding his breath before an outburst. “Okay,” he exhales. “Then let’s go to the campus’s café.” He holds his hand out for Bamby to hold but the pink-head just walks past him. Eunho clenches his fist and forces a smile on his face.
“Do you want anything to drink? I’ll buy it for you,” Eunho asks as soon as they step into the café.
“No, thank you. I’ll go take a seat.” Bamby walks away without hearing Eunho say anything else. He’s trying to end this as quickly as possible.
What does ‘this’ mean? Bamby’s not too sure himself. Is it this conversation or is it the relationship?
Not too long after, Eunho shows up with 2 drinks in his hands and sits across Bamby. He slides the Iced Einspänner over to Bamby’s side of the table. But the shorter visibly has his guard up, placing his laptop and other files in front of him as if shielding him from both the drink and Eunho.
“I told you not to get anything for me,” Bamby says bitterly.
The sigh that leaves Eunho’s lips sounds exasperated. “You can always get me back another time. Just drink up.”
The dryness in Bamby’s mouth is getting harder to ignore now. He gulps and his lips start quivering. “No, thank you.” Bamby leans back onto his chair and forms balls with his fists before intertwining them. Creating a bigger distance between them than they once had.
Eunho’s tone is getting increasingly annoyed. “Why not?”
“There’s no reason. Can we just start talking so I can head home? I don’t have a lot of time.”
Eunho had to sit back and take a sip of his drink to cool himself down. “Okay. So I thought about it,” he starts off. “I shouldn’t have ditched you on that day or on any other day before that. I apologise, that was really shitty of me.” Bamby can’t hold in the scoff in his throat. Eunho’s eye twitches slightly. “Did you just scoff?”
“You don’t even know what I’m mad about.”
“Well, if you don’t tell me, I wouldn’t know, would I?”
“Didn’t you say that you would take some time to yourself to think about what you did?” Bamby starts without waiting for Eunho to finish his sentence. He looks outside of the café and instead of the scorching hot sun, he is met with the gloomy sky, perfectly reflecting how Bamby is feeling right now.
“I did think about it and–”
“And that’s what you think I’m mad about? You ditching me? If that is the case, I would’ve gotten mad a long time ago, Do Eunho.”
Whatever Eunho was about to say, he lost it all when he heard what Bamby said.
“Do you even know me at all if you think that I’ll get mad over something like that?”
The anger boiling inside of Eunho finally simmers down. “So what are you really mad about? Can’t you just tell me?” He reaches for Bamby’s hands which are still in a protective stance.
Bamby looks down at his boyfriend’s huge hands covering his hands. They are meant to feel safe but Bamby doesn’t feel like that’s the case at all.
“Do you know how much the word ‘promise’ weighs? Do you really mean it when you use that word or do you just throw it around like it’s nothing? Because I’m starting to realise that you don’t follow through with any of your promises. Going to school and back home together every day, writing a song for me, and even your promises from high school. You’d break them all. I won’t even start to mention the promises you made about our future because we’re still too young, aren’t we?” Bamby searches for an answer in Eunho’s eyes but the latter’s eyes are wandering all around the place, purposely avoiding Bamby’s pink eyes. “But I don’t blame you, not at all. I think you are right, we’re just too young to know. So that’s why I hope you will stop making any more promises.”
This got Eunho off his seat and panicking. “What do you mean by that?”
“Remember when we had that conversation after dinner with our friends? Maybe the reason why you can’t see a future of us together is because we’re not meant to be after all. You asked me if I have ever thought about us getting married, I couldn’t give you a solid answer. But I can say for a fact now that no.” No, that’s a lie. “You probably feel the same, don’t you?” No, Bamby. Give Eunho time to talk too.
“That’s why I told you there was no need for you to buy me a drink. I’m not sure if there will be a next time for me to repay you, so here’s $5.” Bamby gets up and pushes his chair in.
For the first time in a long time, Eunho chases after Bamby. “Wait Bamby, please wait.” Hearing Eunho’s trembling voice physically breaks Bamby’s heart. “Are you— are you leaving me?”
Bamby turns back to get a proper look at his first love for one last time. “Yes. I think that’s what’s best for us right now. We’re just holding each other back. I know you feel it too.”
“So you’re leaving? As in like you’re breaking up with me?”
Bamby nods, he doesn’t trust himself to give a verbal response right now.
“But why? What makes it so different from all the times we fought in high school? This is just like that, right? We’d fight and make up, so why now?”
This is when Bamby tears up. “I’m sorry, I just don’t know if I can go on being like this with you anymore. I miss how things were for us in high school and I find myself unable to cope because things are different now. I’m sorry.” The tears that he has been holding back find its way down his cheeks.
Eunho finds himself freezing up. He should reach out and comfort Bamby, his boyfriend, or his ex-boyfriend. But touching him intimately now feels foreign. He also sees where Bamby is coming from. And if Eunho had to be honest, he hasn’t been the most faithful in the relationship. He also finds himself agreeing with everything that Bamby has said. That’s the reason why he let Bamby go so easily. Bamby doesn’t deserve to date someone like him.
Eunho eventually nods. “Can we at least remain friends? I don’t want to lose someone as valuable as you.” — the reason why Eunho is so reluctant to let go.
Bamby looks to the ground. “Give me some time.”
“Okay.” And just like that, Bamby slips away from Eunho’s touch. Forever.
When Bamby arrives home, he feels nothing but numb. Even though his hands are moving on his fashion mood board, he doesn’t know what is happening.
The next thing he knows is that he is staring at his old emails, specifically from when he got accepted into both Terra and Asterum University.
The waterworks start again. This is why all the adults told you to not follow your friends. Bamby gave up on his dream university to be with Eunho, thinking that they would be together forever. But forever didn’t happen and Bamby finds himself regretting his choice just as Eunho said that he might.
Bamby regrets giving up his dream school to be with his first love, just for everything to end this way.
That is the ending of Bamby’s first love.
જ⁀➴.𖥔 ݁ ˖༉‧₊˚.