Chapter Text
Carmilla: Thank you all for coming.
Rosie , wearing a hospital gown: When I heard you couldn't get laid, I dropped everything and came straight here.
Carmilla: Well, I couldn't imagine anyone else being part of the "Fuck Carmilla Task Force".
Velvette: Yeah, I interpreted that in a different way.
Rosie : Carmilla learned how to fold origami penguins from Velvette the other day. I told them, “I feel a little bad for the penguins, it’s hot here”, and the next day they put them in the fridge.
Velvette: What did Rosie do this time?
Carmilla: More like WHO did Rosie do this time?
Carmilla: Velvette, take out the trash.
Velvette: Sure, Rosie , will you go out on a date with me?
Velvette: Carmilla doesn’t deserve you.
Velvette: If they don't treat you right by now, you're gone.
Rosie: I'm gone.
Velvette: Now go chop their dick off!
Rosie : Sorry, I'm late to the party. I've been doing things.
Carmilla, entering in an unbuttoned shirt: I got caught up doing things too.
Velvette: Wow, Rosie was late too! What a coincidence!
Velvette: Two years ago, I married my best friend.
Velvette: Carmilla is still mad about it, but me and Rosie were drunk and thought it was funny.
Rosie : *is wearing silk pants* How does this look?
Carmilla: Like its slips on and off really easily.
Rosie :
Carmilla: No, I didn't mean it like that-
Velvette: We know what you meant.
Velvette: Where are you going?
Rosie : To get MYSELF a gift cause somebody didn't get me one!
Velvette: I told you I did! Its coming here on Friday!
Carmilla, knowing full well that Velvette got Rosie an engagement ring: *eating popcorn*
Rosie : But what about Carmilla? They were my SOULMATE!
Velvette: You said that about a ball of yarn once!
Velvette: Is there anyone here who’s actually straight?
Rosie : *raises hand*
Carmilla: *puts their hand down*
Carmilla, gardening: Hey, can you bring me the hoe?
Velvette: Yeah, sure.
*A few minutes later*
Velvette: Here you go.
Carmilla:
Velvette:
Rosie : Why am I here?
Carmilla: I don’t need any more friends. I already have four.
Velvette: Don’t you mean five?
Carmilla: *looks directly at Rosie *
Carmilla: No, I’m pretty sure I meant to say four.
Rosie : Nothing feels better than winning Monopoly. Not love, not sex, not free pizza, nothing!
Velvette: I’m sorry, have you tried pizza?
Rosie : Yes, and it doesn’t compare to owning half the board and watching the light die from your friend’s eyes as you take their money and feel your friendship slowly deteriorate.
Carmilla: I like you.
Velvette: I’ve never asked someone out. How do you even do it?
Carmilla: Oh, what I do is, I look them up and down and I say: “Hey… how you doin’?”
Rosie , scoffing: Oh, please.
Carmilla, to Rosie : Hey, how you doin’?
Rosie :
Rosie : *giggles and blushes*
Velvette: I like your top, Rosie !
Carmilla: I have a name, you know.
Rosie : *sighs* Why. Why are you like this.
Velvette: When Rosie was born, the gods said, "They're too perfect for this world."
Carmilla: Please. When they were born, the devil said, "Oh, competition."
Rosie : Who do we know that has handcuffs?
Carmilla: Well Velvette and I-
Velvette: *elbows Carmilla*
Carmilla: ...wouldn't know.