Chapter Text
Utahime has been called dramatic more times than she can remember.
Overbearing.
Smothering.
Too much.
To a lot of people she was always ‘too much’.
She so often did this thing, where she looked too closely, said too loudly. Her concern always dismissed as nagging. Her worry reframed as a mean accusation. Sometimes it happens so often, something inside her snaps. She raises her voice then. Sharpens her words. And whatever she meant to say arrives warped, honed into something harsher than it ever was in her head.
So then there’s a fight. And then the fight ends up being worse than the problem.
Which is stupid. She swears, sometimes people act like they’re so stupid.
Sometimes… people act like they can’t read between the lines. Like her worry, her care, everything but her fucking anger is invisible. Like her ultimate dream is to somehow, someway ruin the day.
It's not like she wants to- not like she ever tries to……. ruin the day.
She doesn’t want to be a buzzkill after all. She doesn’t want to be anyone's mother but…. She's seen how quickly people fall apart when everyone assumes someone else will notice first. She’s been that person to fall apart because everyone else was so sure someone else would do something first.
Besides, talking things through is how you avoid getting blindsided. Planning ahead is how you keep people safe. Pointing out issues is how you get shit fixed. That’s not control. That’s sense. That’s smart.
That’s……survival.
Still, Utahime knows she goes too far. She knows she doesn’t always have the best word choices. She feels first, speaks second, tone checks later ( sometimes ‘too late’ later). Stupid, she knows…..and she’s trying to be better about it. She’s trying her hardest to be calm and centered and patient but sometimes she just …………….. can’t be patient.
Sometimes patience sounds stupid. Sometimes it feels stupid.
Sometimes every fiber of her being screams that something was wrong, that patience was wrong.
And right about now, (at least to Utahime) patience felt pretty damn wrong.
After all, it had been seven days since she last heard from Shoko.
That's right, seven. full. days.
That’s seven days of listening to Mui wine at the door. Seven days of staring at unanswered text and calls. That’s seven fucking days of pretending she isn’t worried, she isn’t crying and she doesn’t care.
And Utahime so badly wished, truly she really did wish…that she didn’t fucking care.
She wished she could take this slap in the face for what it was. That she could go through an hour without checking her phone. That when it does buzz she doesn’t scan it aimlessly for Shoko’s name.
She wishes but….. wishing was for people who didn’t know better.
It was for people who didn’t know themselves.
And (despite wanting differently) Utahime did (can’t help but) …………….. know herself. She knew that despite what she wanted, or what she desperately hoped, her heart wasn’t going to let this shit go. She knew that her brain was just as stupid. That even with the millions of things she has to do, her mind will only focus on the one thing she didn’t want to do.
Worrying.
It has always been more of a personality trait than a bad habit for her. As natural as breathing, worrying is something Uta has a hard time ignoring and an even worse time stopping. No matter what she does, no matter who it is, Utahime just can’t help…. but worry.
She doesn’t think there has ever been a point in her life where she didn’t.
So of course, she keeps calling. Of course, she sends Shoko three text a day. Of fucking course, she waits stupidly, pathetically, patiently, for a call back.
Because what else is she supposed to do? Seriously, what really did Shoko expect her to do?
She left that Wednesday and said nothing. Went a full week and said nothing.
Childish. Rude. Unfair.
She swears …………….. Sometimes Shoko can be so fucking unfair.
Because yeah they fought. Yeah they both said mean, shitty things. But it's not like Utahime threw Shoko’s past in her face. It's not like Utahime said even half of the things she could’ve said. And seriously disappearing for a night or two was one thing (annoying, irresponsible. kinda normal for Shoko)
But seven days? Seven full on fucking days?!
Sure, maybe Utahime had started the ignoring game first. Maybe Uta was childish first. She can admit that. But she still came home. She still existed in the same physical space. She still had the basic decency to let Shoko know she wasn’t dead in a ditch somewhere.
God, she’s such a bitch. For all Utahime knew, Shoko could be dead in a ditch somewhere. She could be hurt. She could be cold. She could be………………..fine. She probably is fucking fine. She probably is sitting somewhere with stupid Hado. Probably spending her life at that hospital again.
She probably, most likely, definitely is fucking fine.
Still……………. that didn’t make it okay.
Turning her location off. Not coming home. Not answering a single fucking call. Who does that? Seriously ( even if they were in a fight) who the fuck does that!? It's not just inconsiderate, it's rude. Reckless. Stupid.
God, sometimes Shoko could be so fucking stupid.
Sometimes, Utahime thinks its important Shoko knows she’s being fucking stupid.
So she tells her. Text after text. Calls after call. She’s complained. She’s cussed. She’s prayed. She’s apologized. She’s even, (against her better judgment), tried to follow Choso’s (hypocritical) advice and “give Shoko her space”
She’s tried her hardest, her damnest to give Shoko some space.
But…
Giving space is one thing. Allowing absence was something else entirely. And Utahime just doesn't have the patience to pretend they’re the same anymore.
So, that Thursday, she calls in sick to work.
That Thursday, she takes two buses to get to Kyoto General.
That Thursday, she makes a life changing choice. An irreversible commitment.
Because that Thursday, Utahime decides if Shoko thought she would spend another week ignoring her.
Well........... she’s lost her fucking mind.