Work Text:
1
The first time it happened, Scott was sitting with the twins, waiting for Jimmy to come back from wherever he’d disappeared off to, when he felt a familiar feeling trying to knot its way into his chest. He shifted slightly in his seat, putting his hands together and starting to fidget.
“Scott?”
“Yeah?”
“Are you alright? You look tense,” Pearl said, uncharacteristically gently.
“Oh, yeah, I-I’m fine,” Scott stuttered.
Grian had left the room at some point, probably when Scott had been zoning out before.
Void Scott, get it together
“Alright…” She trailed off. “You can talk to me, you know that right?”
“I know… thank you, Pearl”
“Anytime Smajor”
“Void, you’re making me regret letting you hang out with Martyn”
“Not like you can stop me now, I’ve got plans Smajor. Many many plans”
“Dear gods Pearl”
He laughed when she changed the subject, subconsciously loosening his hands.
He missed Pearl's small smile when she noticed.
2
The second time it happened, Scott was sitting in a rail cart, heading back to the over city. The tightness returned to his chest, and he clenched his jaw slightly as the cart rattled around him.
Next to him, Martyn noticed his tense expression and moved a bit closer. He carefully slipped his hand into Scott’s, earning a slight squeeze and a weak smile.
“Thanks, M.” Scott breathed, not noticeable to the other inhabitants of the cart.
“Always”
3
The third time, Scott was out on a double date with Martyn and Ren. They were just wandering around downtown, looking in stores and joking around.
When they were in the middle of walking around a clothing store, Scott felt the same tightness from before worming its way back up. He shoved his hands in his pockets and kept walking.
“Scott?”
He jumped, not realizing he’d started spacing out
“Yeah Ren?”
“Can I talk to you for a sec? Outside?”
“Oh- yeah of course”
As they started towards the exit, Scott tried not to let his thoughts run away from him.
That proved to be futile.
Oh god he’s upset at me, he thinks I don’t wanna be here with him and he’s gonna-
“Scott? You in there dude?”
“Oh yeah, I’m sorry, I-“
“Don’t apologize” Scott paused, confused, but Ren kept going. “You looked like you needed a minute in there. Are you alright dude?”
“I’m fine…” Scott trailed off.
Ren sighed. “You disguise your anxiety the exact same way Martyn does. Tense shoulders, hands pressed together to stop them from shaking, and you’ve got a tic in your jaw.” Ren paused, taking a breath. “You don’t have to talk about it, but please just take a minute to relax while you’re out here.”
“But the the other two-“
“I’ll go get the other two, you just stay here okay?”
Scott sighed, conceding to the other man as he walked back inside. He sat down, looking up at the clouds and trying to breathe. The tightness in his chest loosened a bit, and he stood back up as Ren came back out of the store with Jimmy and Maryn.
“I had to fight tooth and nail to drag this one away from the shoe section” Ren sighed, with a grumpy Martyn in tow and Jimmy cackling behind them.
“What’s wrong with the shoe section? It’s my money”
“You and I both know you don’t need more shoes Martyn.” Ren smiled fondly as Martyn kept complaining about the ‘injustice of it all’, and Scott stepped closer to him.
“Thank you”
“Just doing my job.”
Scott smiled at that, falling into step beside Martyn as they started walking, with Jimmy starting to talk animatedly about something to Ren ahead of them.
Scott leaned over and whispered “Marry him” in Martyns ear, causing the blonde to flush stumble over himself.
“WHERE DID THAT COME FROM?!” Martyn whispered back, skin still beet red and eyes wide.
Scott just threw his head back and laughed, shoulders relaxing and hands coming apart.
He didn’t notice the small, grateful smile that Martyn shot in Ren’s direction.
4
The fourth time it happened, Scott felt it coming. He moved his hands under his thighs to try to stop them from shaking, which just ended up cutting off circulation.
“Scott?”
He had fully been tuning out what Tango had been saying up until that point.
Oops.
“Oh yeah, sounds good,” Scott tried to cover up his anxiety with a laugh, hoping his voice wasn’t shaking like his hands.
“I asked if you were okay, Scott. You look tense”
“Oh… I’m alright. Thanks”
“Are you sure?” Tango put a gentle hand on his shoulder, the warmth being a nice contrast to the chilly bakery air.
“Yep! I’m doing great Tango, really.”
Tango sighed. “I get anxious too, Scott. It’s okay. You don’t need to be prefect all the time.” He paused. “It’s okay to let your guard down sometimes”
Scott paused, mulling over Tango’s words in his head.
Perfect
“Thanks, Tango. Seriously. That helped”
Tango grinned. “Good”
He removed his hand from Scott’s shoulder and began talking animatedly again, this time with Scott actually paying attention.
Neither of them noticed Jimmy in the doorway, watching them fondly.
+1
The next time it happened, Scott again felt it coming. He was at Martyn’s apartment, sitting on the couch with Martyn, watching Jimmy and Ren in the kitchen, with the latter attempting to stop the former from touching any of the food. He felt his hands move closer together, and he felt his jaw start to tighten, when he paused.
Perfect
…
Let your guard down
…
…
It’s okay
He stood up.
Breathe
He made his way into the kitchen, grabbing Jimmy's hand and gently pulling him away from the food.
Breathe
Jimmy looked down at him questioningly, but his face softened when he saw Scott’s tense expression.
Breathe
“Are you alright?”
Three words.
Yet they were said with so much care, and so much thought, that Scott felt like he might burst into tears.
I’m breathing
“I’m a little anxious…”
Jimmy pulled him closer, wrapping him in a hug, moving one hand into his hair and the other to his back.
“Breathe”
Scott’s breath hitched. He moved his hands up, grabbing fistfuls of Jimmy’s shirt, and buried his face into his shoulder.
“I’m breathing”
He felt Jimmy smile into his hair at that.
I’m breathing
“Then it’s all okay” Jimmy whispered, barely above a breath.
“It’s all okay,” Scott repeated, matching Jimmy’s tone. “It’s all okay”
He relaxed.
He didn’t see the small smile that the three other people in the room exchanged over his head.
He didn’t need to.
It’s all okay
_______
Scott was far from perfect.
But maybe he didn’t need to be.
Maybe, it was better that way.