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“I think this is the end of the world.”
Apocalypse scare is common, except when Taehyun is the one saying it, the whole thing sounds more serious. The darkness looms at the end of his sentence, clouding the atmosphere of the living room where the five are. His face is void of any hint of joking, and even Soobin feels a little wary. It’s more concerning since Taehyun is the only one who has been following the news ever since the first case of this unidentified virus made an appearance in Korea.
“How so?”
“They’re spotting animal-like behaviour as symptoms from the people infected by the virus. Familiar enough?”
“Zombie apocalypse?!” Kai gasps from the other end of the sofa.
“Aw, damn. We only have 7 years of contract agreement and we have to go through two pandemics? How is that fair?” Yeonjun groans dramatically, lying his upper body atop of the coffee much like a melting cat.
This was not the main reason Soobin called for a group meeting, but the three soon became involved in a deep conversation about the new virus and how it might impact their future promotion activities and tour schedules. Soobin stopped listening at some point when they started listing down the symptoms. Red-rimmed eyes. Paper-white skin. Excessive thirst. He will worry about it when the situation is getting more dire.
For now, though, there is something else that’s more urgent.
It takes shape in a figure curled up at the end of the beige sofa. His eyes are watching the other three with disinterest towards the subject. It’s probably not as urgent as a potential zombie apocalypse, but the way he jolts when he caught Soobin’s eyes? That’s alarming enough.
“Guys, if we’re not going to discuss more, I’m going to sleep first,” Beomgyu says. The first thing he uttered in the meeting just had to be a goodbye.
The rest of the group are still deep in their discussion about the virus. Only Kai turns to wave at him with a soft good night bomgyuhyong , which is followed by Beomgyu’s departure from the living room without any more word.
Soobin catches up to him with what must be the longest steps he ever took from the living room to their bedrooms. He slips inside just before the door closes, flattening his back onto the surface of the wood to block the only exit.
Under the dim lighting of the room, he spots the surprise in Beomgyu’s eyes when he turns around and finds none other than his leader barging into his safe space. “What are you doing here?”
“What are you doing?” Soobin snaps back, returning the sharpness of the other’s voice. “You’ve been weird these days.”
“Are you calling me weird?” he frowns.
“Damn right I did,” he mirrors Beomgyu’s stern gaze, folding his arms across his chest.
It’s hard to miss the signs of something wrong when you’ve been living with these boys for too many years. For Soobin, it’s especially noticeable when it comes to Beomgyu. The two of them are known as the pair attached by the hips. Oftentimes, the members would complain of seeing them together all the time since it’d mean there will be a yelling match or bouts of loud laughters, there’s no in between.
But silence? That’s unheard of.
Even when Beomgyu is bothered about something, he will always seek Soobin first so he can get it off his chest and go on with his life the next day. A total silence, accompanied by avoiding eye contact and prevention of staying in the same room for prolonged time only mean one thing: Soobin is the problem.
“You’re the weird one. There’s nothing.”
“Funny. Nothing made you avoid me and treat me like I don’t exist.”
“How do you want me to treat you? When you don’t even…” Beomgyu looks like he’s about to break into a long rant like whenever he is bothered about something, and Soobin is ready for it. It would be better than the cold shoulder. That’s why it breaks his heart when Beomgyu stops; the words swallowed back in, and only a bitter sigh remains. “Nevermind. Just leave me alone.”
As Beomgyu’s hand extends past his side to open the door, Soobin takes his chance to grab it. His fingers circled around Beomgyu’s hand, thumb brushing gently over the inside of his wrist.
“Beomgyu-ya. If there’s something… If I did something wrong, a mistake, please tell me. We can fix it.”
“If you did something wrong…” Beomgyu mumbles, looking down at their hands with a sneer pulling at his lips. Emotions clouding his eyes for that moment, looking as if he’s about to break. If only his guard did not come back up right the next second. “A mistake? Maybe it’s a mistake, hyung. I thought you were being an ass and acting clueless about it, but it must be really insignificant for you to forget everything.”
Soobin exhales an exasperated breath, running out of patience. “If you’re not telling me, how should I know? Please talk to me, Beomgyu-ya.”
“You were there!”
“Are you talking about what we did on Christmas Eve?”
“What did we do on Christmas Eve?” Beomgyu asks, tipping his chin up in a challenging manner.
That got Soobin tongue-tied. He does know that something happened on that day which caused a shift in their friendship, since Beomgyu started acting distant after that night they spent together drinking in his room. All those glares sneaked towards him and the half-started conversations, and Soobin still has no idea what happened.
“I don’t know! That’s why I need you to tell me. You can’t just be mad at me when you won’t tell me what I did wrong.”
“What you did wrong…” Beomgyu says quietly. He looks like he’s about to cry with how his shoulders start shaking, only for him to break into a laugh soon enough. It’s the kind of laugh Soobin hates the most from him. The way his eyes are not filled with mirth. It’s a mocking one. “If you’re so adamant to call it a mistake then let’s call it that. Don’t talk to me ever again.”
“Wait, what? I really can’t remember!”
“That’s right, hyung. You never noticed, or remember anything. You never paid attention to me except for when I was sick, and that’s because my mom asked you to.”
“Hey, that’s not–”
Before he could get any word out, Beomgyu opened the door and started shoving him out with more energy. Screw himself from the past for skipping all those workout sessions. He’s never won from Beomgyu when it comes to strength. It’s proven in the way he’s easily backed away from the room.
As a last, desperate attempt to hold on, Soobin catches both Beomgyu’s hands to fight back. Upon the weirdly familiar contact, his head starts spinning from the struggling between them and the unnecessary fight for power. Flashes of scenes play in his head in blurry movements when he squeezes his eyes shut. This position between them triggers a certain memory surfacing from the back of his head, blurred around the edges.
His fingers around the lithe wrists, pinning them down to the bed. Heated skin of thighs brushing together. A sound of deep moan so sweet to his ear.
His face is flushed as he stumbles back, giving Beomgyu the leverage to finally push him out of the room. It might have been too strong, since he ends up collapsing onto the floor, wincing at the impact of his ass against the solid surface. Beomgyu looks surprised, but he gets over it quickly and goes back inside, slamming the door shut. All while Soobin is still stunned on the floor.
Not because of the shove, but the image that’s now imprinted into the back of his head.
What was that?
//
Soobin is back in his room just a moment later, with the hushed conversation from the living room still ongoing. The rest of the members seem unfazed by the exchange he had with Beomgyu - probably thinking that it’s a normal bickering session. Nothing ever went wrong from that.
This time, though, Soobin can feel that he’s walking dangerously close, teetering at the edge of their friendship. A wrong step could cost him their friendship, and that means the balance of the group is going to be thrown off as well.
Heaving himself into the bed, Soobin gets himself in the same position as when he woke up that Christmas morning.
What happened that day, which caused Beomgyu to distance himself from him?
He remembers bits of what happened that night, starting from himself walking into their dorm, biting back shit eating grin while hugging his huge backpack close to his chest. Unfortunately, Beomgyu was in the living room when he walked in, and he could read Soobin like the back of his hand.
“You got something. Are you going to share?” he accused, which made Soobin’s smile drop because how the fuck did he guess that so easily? “If you’re not sharing it with me I’m going to tell everyone and we’re going to share that between the five of us.”
One thing he had learned from living with Beomgyu in the seven years of them living together is that Beomgyu would actually go through with the threats he made.
That’s how they ended up in Soobin’s room a moment later, sitting on the floor while playing some random movie on his laptop. Between them sat a bottle of Suntory whiskey, lemon juice, some soju, and two makeshift shot cups.
It was a Christmas Eve celebration between two best friends. Nothing much.
Soobin remembers feeling so happy after a few shots in, and then they settled into a calmer tone of conversation - deeper talks about life and how amazing things are going for them lately. The last thing he can recall is Beomgyu staring at him, cheeks flushed from alcohol and eyelashes fluttering slowly as he blinked, casting shadow down his cheeks.
He remembers Beomgyu crawling towards him, then the heat of the younger’s body against him. An explosion of warmth spread in his chest, growing stronger into heat under his skin.
Then nothing.
Beomgyu wasn’t there anymore when he woke up in the morning, but he didn’t really think much about it since his head was pounding from a hangover. He didn’t talk to Beomgyu for the rest of the day. That was also normal. Nobody would expect that the problem would grow and Beomgyu almost stopped talking to him altogether.
Soobin was bombarded with one life problem after another:
- his hair is breaking off from bleaching too much
- his best friend is not talking to him
- a wave of another pandemic is just around the corner
There’s only so much stress a person could handle, and Soobin might just break like his hair strands if Beomgyu keeps ignoring him.
//
As they start getting busier for concert preparation, it’s easier to ignore the cold shoulder. Nothing else can bring Soobin down when he is already at the bottom every day after the constant scolding from the dance teacher and the 8-hours dance practices that leaves his soul hollow at the end of the day.
The rest of the members are not in good shape either, but he notices that Beomgyu looks the worst. Soobin would like to think that it’s partly because of their strained friendship that made him look this exhausted. That’s just his wishful thinking, seeing how Beomgyu would throw a hostile gaze his way or hiss whenever he comes close enough with the intention to speak to him.
Which is weird, because the disease that is going around does not turn you into a cat.
“Someone in SBS caught the virus,” Taehyun says after an intense reading session he did on his phone. He always feels the need to tell every discovery he makes to the person sitting the closest to him. Soobin is grateful to have an update machine in this situation since he doesn’t like to browse it on his own.
“Yeonjun hyung should be careful then.”
“Right! Especially since apparently not everyone that caught it has symptoms. You can be a carrier and then it hits the people more vulnerable to the virus.”
“What is it exactly?” Soobin frowns, earning a disapproving look from the younger. “Sorry, I haven’t been reading.”
“And kids, that’s how Covid-19 went out of control in the beginning.”
“My bad?”
Taehyun rolls his eyes, but just like always, he is ready to dump information his way. “This disease doesn’t affect your respiratory systems, so it’s not airborne. Nobody knows how it’s transmitted. Not even through sexual intercourse, based on the latest discovery. Anyway, the effect on your body is also pretty vague. The virus is eating away your red blood cells slowly, so your condition will be close to anemia.”
“Oh, it’s just anemia,” he tilts his head to a side, quickly adding when the disapproving look deepens in Taehyun’s face. “Right, not just , I mean. It’s easier to understand if you put it that way.”
“It’s worse than anemia, though! Remember when they mentioned the animal instinct and thirst? That’s connected to the anemia as well.”
Now, the piece of information takes a longer time for Soobin to register. The pieces of the puzzle are slowly starting to click into place, forming a single answer that’s just too impossible to be voiced into words.
“Vampire.” The answer comes in Kai’s voice.
That sends a shiver down Soobin’s spines, now that it feels more real after being voiced out. Even more after Taehyun confirms it.
“That’s right. Instead of being weak from the lack of blood like anemic people, the infected are seeking for blood on their own. Not through blood transfusion, but by consuming blood. They also found a case where the incisors are sharpening to accustomize you into this condition.”
“Just like a vampire for real! If more people are getting it, we’re really going to head into the vampire apocalypse era,” Kai weirdly sounds excited about this, probably thinking he’s having an isekai moment into his favorite show. Soobin would’ve thought that way if only the situation doesn’t seem that dire.
“The good thing is that it only infects people with certain genes. Although nothing is sure about it for now. At least being bitten by them won’t infect you.”
Hearing more details about the possible pandemic, Soobin still feels uneasiness stirring in his guts. It soothes his worries a little knowing that it at least won’t infect just anyone.
“I hope nobody in our group got these cursed genes,” he says quietly, leaning backwards to lie down on the dance practice floor to remove himself from the grim conversation. “That would be scary.”
He catches Beomgyu’s eyes from the mirror in front of them, watching as Beomgyu jolts from the split second of contact before he throws his gaze away. It seems like problem number two is the direst of them all.
//
Turns out he can’t be any more wrong than that.
His problem number two eventually grows too tired to keep avoiding him these days. The cold shoulder is not as intense as a few weeks before, although Beomgyu still flinches at his presence, he doesn’t try to move away or hiss at him.
Initially, Soobin thought that Beomgyu had forgiven him, but it started getting more concerning when the treatment turned 180 degrees.
Take, for example, when Soobin slips into the car and accidentally takes the spot next to Beomgyu, the guy doesn’t scoot away like before. Instead, he is squeezing closer to him, as if seeking for more warmth. It only applies to when Soobin stands anywhere close to him. Soobin decided that it’s not only in his head when Beomgyu crawls all the way across the dance practice room to flop down and nap next to him during their small break.
Still, he won’t say anything, won’t reply to Soobin’s attempt to start a conversation or take notice of whatever Soobin offered to him. It’s like the only thing he needs is Soobin’s warmth.
It’s starting to get more concerning when he notices the extremely fatigued look that makes Beomgyu look even smaller to him. Topped with the dark circles and the sickly pale shade taking over his complexion. What makes his heart drop is when Beomgyu gets too close to him that he can trace the red aligning the lower part of Beomgyu’s eyes.
When Soobin reaches out to cup Beomgyu’s cheek (which the guy reacts positively by rubbing his cheek into his palm, cute), he discreetly brushes his thumb over the cakey look under Beomgyu’s eye. What he sees in return makes his heart drop to his stomach. His heart might as well be digested and churned in his guts from how hard it’s beating, the moment he sees the stain of makeup on his thumb.
No way.
“Beomgyu-ya,” he calls softly, not trusting himself to say anything yet. His eyes warily flit towards the rest of the people in the room, until they fall onto Beomgyu’s round, curious ones, staring up at him.
The pair of clear eyes are soon filled with dread the moment they spot the stain on his finger. Beomgyu reaches out towards his cheek, looks at the mirror, before he shoves Soobin away and runs off from the room, ignoring the call from their dance teacher who scolds him about going to the bathroom at the very last minute of the break.
Screw practice. Soobin can’t focus for the rest of the practice with the suspicion that’s killing him. Meanwhile, Beomgyu returns with his makeup intact again, going back to his bubbly and loud self, and pretending like Soobin is not staring at him for the rest of the session.
His answer comes later that night, when Beomgyu grabs his shirt while he’s walking towards his room. Before he knows it, he’s back inside Beomgyu’s dimly-lit room, with a very anxious male standing in the middle.
Soobin scoffs. “Now you want to talk.”
“This is more serious than your stupid ass head forgetting about Christmas Eve,” Beomgyu retorts back quickly, grabbing the front of Soobin’s shirt to tug him down to his eye level. “What did you see today?”
“What did I see, Beomgyu? Maybe you should explain why you look like this and still hide it from us,” he feels the wall for the light switch, filling the room with the normal light instead of the dim one Beomgyu likes to have in his bedroom.
With the lighting, he can see Beomgyu better. The sickly pale complexion. Red rimmed eyes. Fatigue. His eyes widen as Soobin grabs the lower half of his face, parting his mouth to let him see his teeth. They look normal, but that can’t be a sure indicator.
“I’m sorry…” Beomgyu says, his voice is almost a whimper. “I didn’t mean to hide it and endanger everyone else. I’ve read a lot about this, more than Taehyun. It’s not contagious. There’s really no indication of what contacts would give you the disease. One day you just wake up with it.”
“We can’t take the risk, Beomgyu. You need help.”
When Soobin releases his face, Beomgyu grabs onto his hand. “No, please. It’s not a pandemic so it’s not spread as widely as people think. There are only so few cases, and if they find out I have it… besides, it’s not confirmed yet. I could just be anemic for real.”
“More the reason why you need a check up!”
“Soobin hyung!” Beomgyu’s voice grows louder for that split second, making Soobin jump. But that’s not the worst thing. It’s the grip of Beomgyu’s shaky hand on the front of his shirt and the top of his head as he lowers his head. “Please… Do me a favor just this once. I won’t be mean to you again or be shitty towards you for the thing you can’t remember so please .”
Beomgyu looks so desperate, it breaks Soobin’s heart more than the thought of being hated by him for the past few weeks. He stays there for a bit, feeling his resolve crumbling down the longer he stares at the other.
In the end, he exhales a defeated sigh.
“Okay. But we have to go if the symptoms get worse.”
“Thank you.”
His heart is squeezed once more when Beomgyu’s legs buckle under his weight from relief the moment he nods. Soobin caught him just in time, helping to guide him towards his bed.
“You’re so cold,” he notes the contrast of temperature when their skin meets.
“I’m always cold, I don’t know if it comes with the disease, but I think I’d never feel warmth again,” he says, quietly settling down under two layers of blanket once he crawls into his bed. He looks even smaller this way, but cuddly. Soobin can’t help the smile forming on his lips. “What?”
“Nothing, sleep well, Beomie,” Soobin says, giving a pat atop the other’s head before he turns around.
Only to find out that he can’t leave, the moment he looks down and sees Beomgyu’s fingers gripping the hem of his shirt.
“Hyung, I’m so cold.”
Soobin takes a better look at him, registering the way his lower lip shakes before Beomgyu bites down on it.
Teeth sinking into his lower lip, stifling his noises.
“I want to hear you.” “Hyung-”
What was that?
There must be something wrong with him since he keeps getting these flashes of random, lewd situations whenever he is around Beomgyu. But now is not the time to think about that kind of thing. Not when Beomgyu looks so vulnerable, eyes asking for his help even when his pride is too high for him to actually ask for Soobin’s help.
With a sigh, he takes off his jacket and lets it drop on the floor. Beomgyu makes some room for him as he squeezes himself into the bed. It’s not hard for their bodies to fit the space in the bed, puzzle pieces. He can feel Beomgyu’s cold toes pressed to his calf and his arms tight around his waist. Beomgyu’s hair is tickling his nose as the younger burrows his face into his chest.
“Is this why you keep hanging around me these days?” he asks. His hand is awkwardly hanging before he settles it on the small of Beomgyu’s back, rubbing gently. A smile forms on his lips feeling the shiver running through the other’s body and a pleased sigh against his neck.
“Maybe I just missed you.”
That’s too honest. The fact that Beomgyu is not denying it only means that he is that tired and sick, but he can’t help but to feel the warmth in his chest. He feels awful, feeling thankful that Beomgyu being down from this disease brings them back together, but he’s just really happy to have his best friend back.
Even with a whole new problem looming in the horizon. A worse one.
Apparently, problem number three poses more of a threat than the second one. Soobin needs to prepare himself and the whole group for this, if the symptoms get even worse.
//
After the discovery, Soobin makes it a habit to check on Beomgyu every morning. He would warily sneak into the room, making sure that Beomgyu hasn’t lost his mind like the infected he saw in zombie apocalypse movies, until one day he did it and almost lost his heart the moment Beomgyu jumped at him.
Right. He didn’t even have any preparation to fight the ‘zombie’ version of Beomgyu. It’s to his benefit that Beomgyu is laughing soon after, clutching onto his stomach. “You’re too funny. A week of sneaking around and you thought I wouldn’t notice? Dumbass.”
Soobin regrets worrying his ass off for this guy sometimes.
“You’re acting too cocky towards someone who’s keeping your biggest secret.”
“I’m sorry!” Beomgyu quickly scrambles to kneel down on the bed facing him. It’s appreciated, although the intention is to mock him.
“Show me your teeth.”
Blinking in confusion, Beomgyu does comply and opens his mouth. Soobin’s hold is gentler this time as his fingers grab the lower side of Beomgyu’s face, tilting his head up so he can have a better look at his teeth.
His curiosity gets the better of him this time, making him overstep the moment he runs his fingers over Beomgyu’s front teeth, stopping right at the sharp point of his incisor. He once again forgot that he hasn’t done enough research to know if Beomgyu’s teeth have changed from their original state.
“Ng?” Beomgyu makes a confused noise.
“You know, the whole vampire stuff.”
A scoff escapes his nose, right before Beomgyu’s teeth trap Soobin’s index finger. It’s a gentle, playful bite. The tinkling in Beomgyu’s eyes tells him so. But Soobin is staring for a whole different reason, since Beomgyu’s teeth are soon enough not the only thing trapping his finger.
He can feel the warmth and softness of Beomgyu’s lips as they press onto his finger. The way Beomgyu’s eyelids fall ever so slightly as he looks up at him.
What makes him jump and retract his hand is the touch of his tongue dragged along the digit.
“Gross,” he says quickly, calming down the thrumming in his heart.
“Yeah, say that to yourself after you’re touching my teeth,” Beomgyu sticks his tongue out at him. “But no, no vampire teeth, sadly. I just take iron supplements religiously. It’s not as blockbuster worthy as you think.”
“I’m not even thinking about anything.”
“Bet you thought I’d be some kind of hot vampire to fulfill your sexual fantasy. I know you were into Twilight erotica–”
“AHHH!”
His own fault for worrying about Beomgyu in the first place.
The so-called possible pandemic dies down quickly as the cases turn out to be rare. Although there are some rumours about the Infected being contained quickly or just shot dead right away. Taehyun delivers the new information as expected, unaware of how Beomgyu always stiffens at the news.
“Maybe they found a cure. Some kind of stronger anemic pills?” Soobin offers, trying to light up the mood.
“I don’t think so. Remember that viral case of the infected lady who attacked people at Yongsan station? She died last week.”
Perhaps there is a need to cut off the internet connection in the dorm so Taehyun won’t have any access to every new knowledge of the disease. As Soobin looks away from him, he catches Beomgyu’s face paled, and it’s not even possible considering he already has so much layer of makeup to cover his unnatural complexion.
But Beomgyu is not violent. Not like the cases which made people scared of this disease becoming the new pandemic in the first place. The world might start to relax a bit and forget about its existence, but Beomgyu is a time bomb. Hearing about the lady’s suspicious death only makes Soobin even more skeptical about the check up to the hospital.
Beomgyu’s not like that. He’s harmless, and he’s safe.
There’s no way someone like Beomgyu can be dangerous, especially not when he’s asleep most of the time he’s free.
As the comeback preparation is getting more intense, there’s less time to talk and follow the news. Soobin still spares some time at night scrolling through the feed until he falls asleep with the phone in his hand, while keeping an eye on Beomgyu’s condition during the day to make sure that he is not displaying any vampire symptoms.
He even makes Beomgyu sleep inside the recording room behind the PD while Soobin is having his recording session, which the younger unexpectedly agrees to. It’s quite entertaining, watching Beomgyu’s head nodding off while he’s repeating the lines until it’s approved by the producer.
Beomgyu is still asleep by the time the recording session is done, so Soobin settles down next to him while everyone else leaves, letting Beomgyu catch some more sleep before they have to go for the next schedule. He’s scrolling through his phone, mildly noticing the other inching closer to him in his sleep and hugging one of his arms.
Only when Beomgyu starts rubbing his head into his shirt that he notices him waking up, although not releasing his hug around Soobin’s arm.
“Hi, how are you feeling?” he asks, biting back a smile watching Beomgyu blinking up sleepily at him. He was not lying when he said that Beomgyu looks the prettiest when he’s asleep. It’s just that he looks another level of pretty when he just woke up, and the fans don’t get to see this sight as often as he does.
“Tired. Hungry.”
“Should we grab something to eat on the way home?”
Beomgyu shakes his head, burrowing his face into Soobin’s shoulder. His nose rubs into the fabric of Soobin’s shirt.
The leader feels a clench in his chest watching the scene unfold. Beomgyu looks smaller like this despite his physique that cannot be categorized as that small compared to other men. But around him, he’s always acting like he might just disappear if Soobin pulls him into his arms.
“I had dinner already though, the hunger is not for food… My stomach feels weird. My throat too.”
“Are you hungry like… hungry ?” he asks, alarmed.
The question had Beomgyu lifting his head slightly, resting his chin atop of Soobin’s shoulder before he lands a gentle bite to it. That should be horrifying. This is his member who allegedly has the genes to be infected with the virus that would make him crave blood and attack people. But here he is, frozen still while Beomgyu has his teeth on him. Except Soobin feels like his heart might burst from how adorable this looks instead of the danger that he should be sensing.
Apparently he doesn’t have a good fight or flight system. If Beomgyu starts biting people he might just lie down there and let himself be taken.
He frowns at the thought. That’s not what a good leader should do.
“Hey, look at me,” Soobin turns his body to face the other, met by a disgruntled face at the loss of comfort. Beomgyu does follow his lead, though unnecessarily bold as he lifts his legs to settle them on either sides of Soobin’s waist and scoot closer.
“Like this?”
He looks down at Beomgyu’s legs that are spread, shorts riding up to expose more of his thighs. He blinks, swallowing thickly. Focus.
“Uh… whatever. Let me see.”
“My teeth again? You’re obsessed with your manga, I swear. I’m not growing fangs, Soobin hyung,” he starts nagging, but once he shuts up, he does end up opening his mouth, obediently showing his teeth despite the complaints.
Soobin smiles at the sight. True, he got to make sure that Beomgyu’s incisors are not growing into the sharp ones pictured in the media, but the true intention comes in the form of a red capsule he puts on top of Beomgyu’s tongue, which invites a confused hum from the latter when Soobin pushes at his chin to shut his mouth.
“Blood pill. They started selling these online.”
“Is this even safe?”
After swallowing the pill, it takes a few minutes for colors to bloom back into Beomgyu’s cheeks and for his eyes to be filled with life again, almost twinkling under the lights. Soobin wants to believe that it’s just the way Beomgyu’s eyes are when he’s looking at him, when it’s just the two of them, with his hands mindlessly brushing along the younger’s thighs.
He mentally slaps himself for the selfish thought. Beomgyu’s depending on him because he’s sick. Soobin shouldn’t be taking advantage of that.
“Feel better?”
“Mhm. No more biting urges.”
The blood pills sure help. For the longest time during the comeback preparation, everything feels so normal that Soobin is lulled by the fake sense of safety.
Borrowed time.
Beomgyu is a ticking time bomb, and it’s his fault for purposely ignoring the signs for a peace of mind.
He should’ve known better when Beomgyu starts eating less and sleeping more. Should’ve been more alarmed when the guy starts avoiding him again, spending more time in his room when they’re not working.
And finally, what they have been fearing happens one Friday night.
They were allowed to go home earlier, and Soobin is lounging around in his room while waiting for his turn to go shower. He’s always the last since he takes the longest time, and as far as he knows, Yeonjun already finished his shower long ago. So it’s alarming when he finished the nth random youtube videos and nobody’s calling him for a shower.
There’s a sinking sensation in his guts. A foreshadow looming in the air.
When it clicks in his head, Soobin almost trips on his own feet as he runs off from his bedroom towards their shared bathroom at the end of the corridor. Luckily, the door is never locked. He barges into the restroom, only for him to be hit by the stench of blood as soon as he steps into the small space.
What he spots right before him only makes his head spin more, noticing that Beomgyu is biting into his own hand. His face is tear stricken and his cheeks smeared with his own blood. The crimson shade seeping into his pajama, some of it dripping down onto the tiles, washed down by the overflowing water from the bathtub.
“S-Soobin hyung,” he whimpers. His lips trembling from where they are hovering above his injured hand. Fresh tears roll out of his eyes that are starting to be filled with fear. “It’s not… it’s not what you think-”
Soobin steps in and closes the door behind him, heart pounding in his chest so hard his head starts spinning. He can’t think anymore, not even when he is slowly making his way closer with wary steps.
“You’re losing so much blood, Beomgyu.”
“It doesn’t work… I thought it might work. I don’t know what’s happening.”
“Gyu…”
“I’m just so thirsty. So fucking hungry, I might die,” he yells, his voice breaks along with Soobin’s heart that shatters with another roll of tears from Beomgyu’s eyes, tainted pink by the smear of blood on his cheek. “I don’t want to live like this anymore.”
“Hey… I will try to help, you’re not alone, Beomgyu-ya. Please let me help.”
He’s gotten close enough that his feet are stepping into the puddle of water. As he lowers his hand to touch Beomgyu, the male flinches away from it and swats his hand. There’s a sharp graze on his skin when Beomgyu’s hand hits him, making him wince.
“NO! You can’t help me!” Beomgyu springs up from the floor, his eyes filled with fire instead of the anguish formerly painting them. “You said you wouldn’t tell anyone. You promised!”
“I don’t–”
His throat tightens, halting the words completely as he sees just where Beomgyu is looking at. As he lifts his hand, he notices the two lines of red forming on the inside of his wrist, right where Beomgyu’s nails made contact with his arm. He notes how Beomgyu has stopped breathing, tensed all over, and probably not registering what Soobin is saying anymore. The sting comes a little later, snapping him out of the trance and reminding him of what kind of danger he might have put himself in.
But it’s too late.
His life flashes before his eyes when Beomgyu lunges towards him, doing his best to avoid the attack by throwing himself backwards. What he didn’t calculate well was the size of the small bathroom, and that the door is right behind him.
When he feels the weight of Beomgyu’s body hitting him, it’s nothing compared to the impact of his head colliding with the door behind him. Pain explodes in his head, along with the darkness dotting along his lines of vision. As they both slide down onto the floor, he feels his consciousness slip through his fingers. He can hear the desperate voice of Beomgyu calling his name, mildly thinking of how awful he is for making Beomgyu cry like this.
//
“I can’t believe you two fought like that.”
“I can’t believe it either.” Soobin stares up blankly at the ceiling of the ER. It’s just a light concussion and he is allowed to go home soon, but now he has to wait for the test results while Beomgyu’s somewhere in the company, getting scolded by the management.
Yeonjun is sitting by his side, looking like he had the time to dress up well even when he was supposedly rushing to accompany him on the way to the hospital. He is lucky that Soobin is occupied enough by the throbbing in his head to call him out.
The pain in his head is nothing compared to the one twisting his stomach at the thought of the bloody scene in the bathroom.
“Beomgyu… is he okay?”
Yeonjun lifts his gaze from his phone, then snorts seeing his concerned look. Now, that’s really offensive. “I’m sorry, but you’re the only one getting beaten up here, Soobinie. I’m glad you decided to be the bigger person and not punch back at least.”
“What did he say again?” Soobin shoots up to sit down, earning a look from the elder who pushes him back down quickly. “About us… I mean, what happened in the bathroom.”
“He said you two had a fight. That’s why he’s getting lectured now. Said it was his fault, so I don’t think you’d be called for round two tomorrow.”
So that’s his excuse. There was so much blood, and Beomgyu must have required medical attention too, but he hid it and now he had to deal with it on his own while Soobin is all cozy here. Sighing, he runs a hand down his face, glancing at the clock on the ER’s wall which shows that it’s around 3AM.
“Hey, if there’s a problem between you two, we might be able to help. I left you two alone knowing that the risk of discord is high in a group when sex and feelings are involved, so at least let us in if there’s something wrong.”
All the thoughts about Beomgyu and the concerns are drained from the system, replaced by pure confusion when he looks at Yeonjun’s caring face. The hyung has gotten into his serious mode, so he must have thought this through despite his earlier playful demeanor. But what was he even saying?
“I’m not following you…”
An exasperated sigh. “We all heard you guys on Christmas Eve. You guys weren’t that quiet.”
“If you meant the alcohol, I’m sorry? What else did Beomgyu tell you? Since he won’t tell me shit even though he made such a big fuss about it.”
“What.”
“What?”
Yeonjun stares at him blankly, not preventing him this time as he gets up to sit. His head feels better already and he can stretch his arms. There’s nothing to worry about except for the weird look that stays in Yeonjun’s face for what feels like too long until he suddenly lands a slap on Soobin’s thigh.
“Don’t tell me you got shitfaced drunk you blanked out.”
Shouldn’t everyone know his alcohol tolerance at this point? They all have their own habits after all. Beomgyu would be super loud before he passed out after a certain point, Yeonjun would cry, Taehyun would start talking about life purposes, and Kai would stare into a blank wall for the longest time until the alcohol level dropped from his system. Soobin? He would do the most impulsive things and forget them all when he wakes up. They’re all accustomed to this already, so why the surprise?
“Yeah? As always. It was good alcohol– ow ! Don’t hit a sick person!” he hisses when Yeonjun lands another slap to his thigh, then another one.
“Shut the fuck up. I understand why you two would fight now. Actually, I’d do worse things than just punching your head to a door if that were me, but Beomgyu’s a saint. Good luck to you, asshole!”
That didn’t answer the question even the slightest bit. He momentarily forgot about the Christmas Eve matter after the bigger problem presented itself, but now that everyone but him seems to know the cause and blaming him, he couldn’t help but to be irked again. Not to mention that this incident would probably drive Beomgyu away from him again after that improvement they had.
He can’t let that happen this time.
//
Just as he expected, Beomgyu is back to being distant the day after the incident.
The tests came back normal, and Soobin is allowed to head back a few hours later, with just a tiny headache left and a privilege to skip dance practice. Not that it’s worth ruining the progress he has made in getting close to Beomgyu again. He still hasn’t figured out what he did wrong on Christmas, and now he already fucked up once more.
Beomgyu could’ve been exposed to have the genes for this vampire disease. God only knows what they would do to him if that happened.
Still, as guilty as he is, he can’t be on the receiving end of Beomgyu’s cold shoulder again. They’re the bestest of friends after all.
“Beomgyu-ya,” he calls out towards the male as he’s leaving the dance practice room, quickly letting his knees buckle under his weight when Beomgyu starts fast walking to the other direction. A groan escaped his lips as he clutches onto his head.
That’s proven to be the right method to get the other’s attention, since Beomgyu’s on him before he could blink, hauling him up to sit on the couch in the corridor.
“Are you okay? Is your head hurting? Yeonjun hyung said that the doctor didn’t find anything wrong and released you – they might be wrong, we should go back to–” his words are frozen on his tongue when Soobin circles his fingers around his wrist, smiling at him.
“Caught you.”
Confusion fills his face at first before a shade of warm pink explodes in his face. He yells at Soobin’s face, trying to twist his hand out of the grip. “What the hell?! You can’t use that on me!”
“You can’t ignore me after almost killing me in the bathroom?”
“That’s foul,” Beomgyu actually stops at that, his hand growing limp. His teeth sink into his lower lip, and for once Soobin actually feels guilty for being annoying.
He gets up, stepping closer to the younger. “Can you tell me why it is so easy for you to avoid me? First, it was the Christmas Eve thing that I still have no clue about, and now this. You know I can’t stand it not having you around.”
“But why? It’s just me. You still see me around even when I’m not talking to you, why does it matter so much?”
“It’s not just you!” Soobin rolls his eyes, tugging on Beomgyu’s hand until he’s jerked forward, bumping against his chest. He forgot to breathe for a moment seeing the pair of eyes staring up at him, challenging, but also filled with a glimmer of hope.
“Yeah?” Beomgyu breathes out.
“You’re my best friend.”
That’s the truth, isn’t it? Soobin didn’t expect to see Beomgyu’s face harden in real time. He lets go of the grip, letting the other step away, but he’s not trying to run away anymore.
“You know hyung, friends don’t do things like we do. Friends don’t call each other pretty every chance they get. Friends don’t…” he takes a deep breath, unaware of the chaos filling Soobin’s head.
Just as he opens his mouth to speak, Beomgyu breaks into a smile. One that doesn’t reach his eyes and always breaks Soobin’s heart whenever he has to see it. Now, he’s the cause of it.
“Nevermind, hyung. Don’t worry about me. I won’t be ignoring you either, let’s just go home.”
Soobin shouldn’t have ignored the constant tugging in his chest that tells him to not trust Beomgyu. His nevermind s are never really one, and despite not being ignored, Soobin can still feel something wrong between them, which throws off the balance in the group as well.
He would catch Taehyun eyeing him with a weirdly knowing look when Beomgyu clings onto the younger. And then there’s Yeonjun who looks like he’s done with his shit. On the other side, there’s Kai, the only one who’s giving him a peace of mind.
But Beomgyu? He’s not well. At all.
Nobody seems to notice it, but he can see Beomgyu's condition deteriorating by the day. The updates about the outbreak have lessened a lot compared to when the case was first found in the country, and soon enough, people barely talk about it. There have been some conspiracy theories about the government quietly getting rid of everyone who got infected. When Taehyun and the staff are talking about it, Soobin notices that Beomgyu slips away quietly from the room.
It’s gotten to the point that he looks half-dead during the promotion period, almost falling onto his face when he missed a step after their mandatory review session.
“You’re not focussing,” their dance teacher scolds him, after countless times of not getting the perfect group synchronisation she wanted.
Her words seem to be falling into deaf ears, with Beomgyu looking down onto the floor while being lectured, until he finally marches out from the dance practice room and leaves the five gawking at the scene of the door being left open in the wake of the storm.
If it’s gotten this serious, Soobin has no choice but to interfere as his leader.
//
He corners Beomgyu in the kitchen that night. All the rooms are dark and everyone has probably fallen asleep. It’s not an ideal place to have a talk as a leader and his member, but Beomgyu locked himself in his room for so long and only came out once he ran out of water. It’s probably a good idea that he stopped Beomgyu from buying a water dispenser for his own bedroom back then.
“You’re not well, Beomgyu. If you can’t handle it anymore, let’s get help.”
A flash of fear crosses Beomgyu’s face, just before he storms forward and grabs onto the front of Soobin’s shirt. “You won’t do that to me. You don’t want me dead.”
“Yeah? If I left you on your own, you’d end up dying too. You won’t seek help. You won’t let anyone else in. You won’t even let me help you. How am I going to be convinced that you’re alright?”
“Because I’m not!” he hisses. His fingers are still curled around Soobin’s shirt, but his head is hung low. “I’m not okay. Why does this have to happen to me? Why is it always me? It sucks so bad, hyung. I don’t want this to happen to you guys either but why us… it hurts so much.”
He stares at Beomgyu as he breaks down, breaking Soobin’s heart along with him. Soobin feels a clench in his chest, the urge to pull Beomgyu into his arms and hide him from everywhere else. The disease, the government, anything that would take his Beomgyu away.
“Gyu… please let me help you.”
He shakes his head quickly, inhaling so sharply it sounds like a sob. “I shouldn’t be around you, hyung. I’m a danger… a fucking time bomb! We both know what happened last time. I was about to attack you… I wanted you .”
The grip on his shirt is getting weaker, and it feels like Beomgyu is slipping away from him, even though he’s there physically. Soobin sees the slight shake on his fingers as he lifts his hand, laying his warmth on top of Beomgyu’s cold hand.
“I promised to take care of you, right? I kept your secret, but I’ve been failing you a lot these days.”
“You didn’t do anything.”
Beomgyu lifts his gaze to give him a disapproving look. It looks funny, with the tears filling his eyes. But Soobin finds it cute. He lands a gentle pat atop of the younger’s head, ruffling his hair gently. As if it’s just a normal, casual day of them having their little bickering session and not in the case where Beomgyu is infected by the odd disease and ready to attack him.
“You’re right, though. I didn’t. I should be doing more,” Soobin sighs, lowering his hand to cup the other’s cheek. He can feel the stifled breath when he brushes his thumb over Beomgyu’s cheek. “Back in the bathroom, I’m sorry for looking like I was scared of you. But it’s okay, Beomgyu. You don’t have to fight it anymore around me.”
Once he registers Soobin’s words, Beomgyu leaps back, moving himself away from Soobin’s hand as if it’s a scorching pan.
“No, what the hell?!”
“I’m being serious! If that’s what it takes for you to live normally again and stay with us, you can have as much of my blood as you want. We know that the blood pills don’t work.”
Soobin steps forward, taking Beomgyu’s hand to put it atop of his chest for no reason at all, maybe for him to feel his heartbeat, to feel the beating of the organ pumping his blood all over his system. He doesn’t know if that would awaken his vampire instinct, or if Beomgyu had one at all like in those vampire fictions he watched.
“Hyung…”
“It’s okay if it’s you.”
So much for talking big. Soobin feels his breath knocked out of his lungs as Beomgyu throws himself at him, cornering him backwards until he feels the solid edge of the counter digging into his lower back. He can feel his heart beating quickly against his rib cages, his nerves preparing him for the worst.
But it never came.
Instead, he feels Beomgyu’s frame pressed against him. The coldness of his skin starks against his warmth and the scent of his perfume filling his nose. But the sensation is nothing compared to the softest pair of lips he can feel when Beomgyu kisses him on the mouth. Instead of fear, he can feel the desire from how Beomgyu kisses him. It’s so intense, just like how he always moves. It feels so much that it’s choking him.
He can taste beomgyu like this. the warmth of his lips, the burning of his tongue. His sweet sigh. The taste of sadness in his tears.
“I just. I missed you so much,” Beomgyu breathes out shakily once their lips part, his words caressing Soobin’s lips.
“Gyu…” he keeps an arm wrapped around Beomgyu’s waist, keeping him close. “Let me help you.”
“But that was not how I wanted you. This is how I want you. It’s not your blood that I wanted, hyung. I don’t even want you to take care of me. All I wanted was for you to look at me.”
“I do… I see you,” he says, brushing Beomgyu’s hair off his face. He can feel the pleasant shiver through Beomgyu’s body, just like every other time they’re ever in this kind of position.
But Beomgyu shakes his head. And even after they kissed, and being this close, his eyes still look so sad, Soobin wants to smack himself for being the cause of this.
“You did, once. But apparently that was just my wishful thinking. Now you feel obligated to take care of me since you’re the only one who knows… because you’re a kind person, hyung. You’d do it for everyone else.”
Soobin is breathless, his heart clenched not because of sadness, but with how beautiful beomgyu is. despite the tears filling his eyes. He feels sick, thinking this way about his crying group mate. He has to put the group over everything else, and especially over his sick needs to hold Beomgyu and kiss him again.
Because that’s not what Beomgyu needs, whatever he is saying.
“What kind of person do you think I am? I wouldn’t give it to just anyone,” he rolls his eyes.
“You won’t?”
He brings his hand up to brush his fingers over Beomgyu’s cheek. His touch ever-so-gentle, featherlight, as if the slightest pressure would cause the male to disappear from under his hand. It’s Beomgyu who chases after it, leaning his cheek into his knuckles as he peers up.
The pair of round eyes are staring at him, gleaming under the lighting of the kitchen. There’s a hint of tears clinging to his eyelashes, while Beomgyu slowly blinks at him and God, does Soobin want to give everything up for his group mate.
“You can have me… however you want me.”
“You’re playing a dangerous game, Soobin hyung.”
He laughs. “I’ll just have to win, right?”
The bite does not happen in the kitchen.
A moment later, Soobin finds himself in Beomgyu’s bed, pressed down by the weight of the owner atop of him. Instead of feeling the pain and smelling his own blood, he is being kissed again, and again
and again.
It’s more tender this time. Beomgyu’s taking his time memorising the shape of Soobin’s lips, the taste from his tongue, and the sweet sounds of his little, pleasured noises. Even once he’s had enough kissing, he still doesn’t stop. His mouth drags down to Soobin’s jaw, tracing along his jawline, before moving down to burn a scorching mark in the shape of a kiss on his neck.
This is it. If Beomgyu wants to bite him, it has to be now.
The excitement that comes with the thought awakens the pool of heat in his stomach. It’s a somewhat familiar one.
Wet kisses to his neck. Legs straddling his hips. Hands all over his body.
While the whole thing set fire to his insides, they seem to make Beomgyu relax a bit, to the point that he is less tense. Still on top of Soobin, the leader can almost feel the warmth radiating from Beomgyu’s cold skin.
Despite the heat pooling in his lower abdomen, he is relaxed under the kisses. Relaxed enough for the memories to hit him like a truck, the headlights blinding him until the impact swerves him out of balance. His head starts spinning along with the ceiling he’s staring at as Beomgyu’s mouth burns its mark into his neck.
//
“I think you are very pretty, Beomgyu-ya.”
The room was dimly lit that night, the way Beomgyu liked it whenever he stopped by Soobin’s room. Unlike the other times, though, Soobin could see him better. The gleam in his eyes when he started telling the story that excited him, the stain of alcohol wetting his lips, the shade of pink across his cheeks. Thinking about his best friend, looking like this, in the confinement of his bedroom and his comfort, and just like this, Beomgyu was his only.
Thinking about it made his chest thrum with the sensation akin to the one spreading through his system from the alcohol. That’s what caused his brain-to-mouth filter to malfunction, not that he ever thinks properly when he’s intoxicated.
But now he had a flustered Beomgyu sitting in his room, his mouth open as he stared at him wide-eyed. “Stop talking shit. You’re drunk.”
“Even when I’m drunk or dying, I’d still think you’re pretty anyway. It’s the truth.”
Beomgyu eyed him weirdly while he downed another shot. The alcohol burned his throat so good along with the sweet taste of the lemon he poured into the liquor, but he couldn’t focus on the burn anymore. Not when Beomgyu was crawling towards him, eyes half lidded the way he always made them when he was on stage. As if those fancams were not enough to mess with Soobin’s mind, sober or not.
This time, he had to experience it in real time, along with the heat that closed around them when Beomgyu got closer, and closer, until Soobin could feel his breath on his cheek.
“If you keep saying things like that, I might start thinking that you’re in love with me,” Beomgyu said, voice low. Both the depth of his voice and his words smacked deep in Soobin’s guts.
He felt sick, not because of the alcohol, but by the unspoken words that were swirling inside his guts, punching him from the inside.
With his clouded way of decision making, he decided that there was no better way to convey them than using his whole body.
Just as his hands found their way to Beomgyu’s waist, the other took it as a hint to throw himself at Soobin. Their lips met first in a messy, almost desperate kiss, followed by the crash of their bodies as Beomgyu’s frame melted against his chest. He was so warm, his weight felt comforting atop of him. Soobin’s hands moved on their own accord, sliding down the curve of Beomgyu’s hips and gripping onto his thighs to situate him on his lap.
The soft groan the move elicited from Beomgyu’s throat went straight to his groin. He didn’t think kissing his best friend would be so arousing, not like he could think at all, because soon his mind was all over the place and suddenly Beomgyu had his hand inside his sweatpants and his mouth on Soobin’s neck and.
and…
//
“What the fuck…”
Upon the next long squeeze of his eyes, he finds himself back in Beomgyu’s bed. The ceiling materialised before his eyes again, along with the same kind of thrumming heat in his groin, and Beomgyu atop of him. Except this time, he looks annoyed, despite still straddling his hips, his arms crossed across his chest.
“What the fuck indeed. We were making out and you zoned out? And then you get hard while thinking about whatever it is in your head that you didn’t even notice I stopped kissing you?”
Oh.
His gaze falls onto where their bodies were pressed, with Beomgyu sitting right atop of his crotch. As if making his point, the younger rolls his hips down, making him hyperaware of the tightness in his pants and the friction that made it so painful. So good.
Beomgyu feels it too as his hips pushed up in reaction, rubbing the tent in his pants right onto his ass. His gaze darkens as he almost falls forward, gripping onto the sheet next to Soobin’s head. But he looks more pissed off than anything when Soobin holds onto his hips to keep him there.
“I’m not thinking of other things. Just you.”
“Bullshit. How do you expect me to trust you when you’re always fucking up? You keep calling me pretty and kissing me only to forget it the morning after. You’re just going to do it again–”
As the anger keeps rising up the smaller frame of his group mate, Soobin sets his mind to not let him go this time. He grabs the male by his waist at the first hint of him trying to get up, ignoring his protests as he throws him into the bed. They wrestle around the small bed for a bit, followed by kicking and half assed shoving and a final, disgruntled yell as Beomgyu is pinned down into the bed, wrists held in a bruising grip and legs kicking uselessly until he finally just screams in annoyance.
“Seriously?!” Beomgyu glares at him, tipping his chin up in a challenging manner, as if knowing that Soobin wouldn’t do anything. “You’re going to do this again? Fuck me again when you’re holding me down like this? Not like you remember.”
“I do.”
“Huh?”
“I remember, that’s why I got hard,” he admits, face burning up at the way Beomgyu’s eyes widened. He lets go of the grip once there is no more resistance, moving his hands to wrap around Beomgyu’s waist as he hides his face into the warmth of his neck. “I’m sorry, fuck. You should’ve just bitten me… tear me apart. I deserve that.”
It paints a funny image. They were making out, getting all heated to the point of him getting hard, and now Beomgyu had to deal with his overgrown leader holding him and whining about the misery caused by excessive drinking that night.
“I don’t know if it’s your kink or something, but I took blood pills already so I can’t fulfil your weird fantasy.”
Soobin answers with a grunt, which is returned by a soft laughter shaking the body beneath him. He could feel Beomgyu relaxing under his weight, with his hand softly caressing his back and God, he is feeling like shit and he deserves to die, why is Beomgyu still comforting him?
“You should have. You can just rip me apart actually, I don’t care. I’m so fucking sucks for forgetting what we did that night and being hammered and… fuck. It was so good, too.”
“Do you remember how it is? Like the whole thing?”
“More or less, yes. It’s a shame that I had to be drunk when we did it the first time. So unfair.”
“Your fault for being a loser.”
After a moment of silence spent wallowing over his idiocy, Soobin jerks his head up so quickly Beomgyu’s startled. He looks wary, hesitant hand hovering above Soobin’s frame. “Hey.”
“What? If you didn’t want to be called a loser, you shouldn’t have–”
“I still meant it though. Everything I said that night and earlier. I do find you pretty and I have feelings for you and I would let you do anything to me, want me in any way, as long as it’s you.”
There’s a subtle trembling in Beomgyu’s hand when he finally lays his hand atop of Soobin again, his cold skin brushing along the warmth of Soobin’s arm. “It’s really a shame… that you forgot about that night. It was so fucking good.”
“I know,” Soobin sighs.
“You know we can do it again, right?” he suggests, ignoring the questioning look flitting momentarily across Soobin’s face as he brings his legs up to lock around the leader’s waist, bringing him down flush against his smaller frame.
Soobin is reminded of the fact that he is pretty much still hard in his pants, and now that his dick is pressed against Beomgyu’s ass again, he can feel the memory of that night in his system. So vividly. He’s jealous of himself from that night for having Beomgyu in that way.
So he grips onto Beomgyu’s thigh, heart soaring as he hears Beomgyu’s quiet gasp the moment he leans forward to brush their lips together. As his lips part, he can feel the deep sigh exhaled against them; can taste the desire even before their lips meet.
“Beomgyu-ya,” he calls out, dragging his hand up towards the other’s hips, then settling on his waist under his shirt. “Can I? I promise I won’t forget this time.”
“No shit. I’d kick you out if you stopped now.”
Before he could punctuate his sentence, Beomgyu’s being kissed again, so hard that he is heaving for breath not a moment later. His body seems to react familiarly to Soobin’s touches, as if they’ve been doing this so many times. The arch of his back when Soobin’s hand touch his bare skin, the deep whine from his throat, his mouth chasing after Soobin’s when their lips part.
“Was this how it went last time?” Soobin smiles, still got a little resistance within him to play around with the latter a bit more, seeing how he’s so desperate for it.
He looks annoyed when Soobin pulls away to take off their shirts. “More hurried though, you almost ripped my shirt. Do I have to make you drunk again so you’d fuck me properly?”
“Shut up, you were just as drunk, there’s no way you remembered all the details.”
“Try me.”
Soobin rolls his eyes, then kisses Beomgyu again so tenderly he melts under the kiss, a soft pleased moan vibrating from his throat. So much for being a dangerous patient infected by the vampire disease.
“Well, we have all the time in the world for that now.”
That earns a smile from Beomgyu that he can taste in the kiss as he’s being pulled into another one.
Right. Like this, when it’s just the two of them in bed, Soobin doesn’t have to think about the pandemic, or the cold shoulder, or the hair breaking off as beomgyu grabs the strands. The only thing he needs is Beomgyu in his bed, looking at him like he’s been in love with him and yearns for him for the longest time.
That’s the fix of all Soobin’s life problems.
//
Except, the morning after is not as smooth as when Soobin woke up alone on Christmas day.
He wakes up with a stinging sensation on certain parts of his body that accompanied the pleasant ache he got from the little ‘exercise’ they did the night before. At least they got a little more sleep, judging from the brightness of the sun seeping into the room through the thin veil of the curtain. Beomgyu is fast asleep on his stomach, a few marks decorating his skin, low on his shoulders.
That’s his brand. Soobin smiles at the thought, before he finally gets up to drag himself towards the bathroom. And that’s when the disaster is displayed before him.
The marks on Beomgyu’s skin match the ones on his back and neck, but his situation looks more tragic, straight out of a horror movie. There are lines of red painting his back, stinging every time he stretches out his back. But those are not even the worst of it.
The worst mark is etched on the base of his neck, a teeth mark with two deeper ones that are marred by stains of dried blood.
His jaw is still dropped from the sight, even as Beomgyu has casually waltzed into the bathroom and passed by his frozen self. Even as he finishes taking piss, and finally notices Soobin standing there, eyes widened comically as he jolts away.
“What are you doing here?! Standing around like a zombie.”
“I look like I was attacked by one,” he deadpans, waiting as Beomgyu’s gaze trails down his frame on the mirror, then on his back.
A sheepish smile makes it into the younger’s face. A pair of arms slip around Soobin’s waist as the other hugs him from behind, nuzzling his face into his wounded neck. “Payback. So you can never forget it this time.”
“Really, Choi Beomgyu, really?”
The straight face stays on his face, though in the end he has to fold when Beomgyu gives a gentle nip on his shoulder and kisses atop of it. His insides melt at the adorable sight.
This is the Choi Beomgyu who is supposedly infected by a virus that would make him dangerous to him. He has the power to rip him apart and make him bleed to death, but here he is, in their small bathroom, nibbling on his shoulder and going all puppy eyes so he would be forgiven.
How dangerous, indeed.
“This doesn’t solve the problem, though. You know you’ll have to get treated sooner or later,” Soobin sighs, turning to face the other who frowns at his words. He holds Beomgyu’s face gently, coaxing his lips to part with his thumb pressing onto his lower one. “Your fangs kinda grew too.”
“Taehyun’s incisors have always been sharp, it’s not a big deal.”
“You know that’s not the point,” he rolls his eyes.
But once again, his worries are drowned the moment Beomgyu takes his face in his hands and smiles at him. That smile always makes Soobin’s brain stop functioning properly. Beomgyu seems to be aware of this power he has over his leader, because then he tiptoes to kiss Soobin in the mouth, and he physically cannot think about anything else other than Beomgyu.
//
Things fall into place perfectly after that, now that the two have started dating. The lack of stress also does wonders for Beomgyu’s condition. Sometimes, Soobin thinks that he could see colours back into Beomgyu’s face and the liveliness is not faked anymore. Maybe the virus is not supposed to stay for a long time. Maybe Beomgyu has healed completely.
Things are going well. Way too well. It’s almost suspicious.
It may be wishful thinking, but Soobin holds onto it, while staying alert by his best friend who is now also his boyfriend who kisses him every day and picks him over everyone else.
As Choi Soobin, he can’t be any happier with this new arrangement. However, as the leader of Tomorrow x Together, he should’ve known better than to date his fellow member who’s hiding a secret from the company and the world.
Beomgyu is still a time bomb, ticking down whether they are happily in love or not.
The inevitable is bound to happen someday, but Soobin didn’t see it coming when he’s constantly on cloud nine. Everything has been going well these days, lulling him into a sense of comfort and safety; as if he had overcome all three issues.
While in fact, the one that remains is the worst one.
Soobin should have been more responsible at work. He’s the leader. The one with the responsibility to direct the members and keep everything in line, yet he’s also the one who’s disregarding the rules.
Other than dating his own member, he just had to make out with the said member in the dressing room during a photoshoot session. In his defence, Beomgyu looks exceptionally good and he can’t say no to his boyfriend when he’s giving him that pleading look.
“Just five minutes should be okay, right? They don’t usually look for us anyway,” Beomgyu says as he shoves Soobin down on the floor of the dressing room before he climbs onto his lap. This spot seems to be his favourite spot nowadays. Not that Soobin’s complaining.
More like he physically can’t , as his mouth is soon sealed by Beomgyu’s in a kiss. His pleased grunt is answered by a soft laugh from the other and a taste of smile in the kiss. Soobin likes it the best when Beomgyu is happy, he’s mildly convinced that he’d let the male do anything he wants.
Including unbuttoning his shirt and kissing down his neck, or stripping one of his shoulders bare. From the full body mirror next to them, he can see the reflection of Beomgyu kissing down his shoulder, then comes the bite that he’s grown accustomed to.
“I thought you’re horny, not hungry,” he hisses, fingers bunching up Beomgyu’s hair. He’s so going to get scolded by their stylist after this.
Beomgyu’s answer comes as a disgruntled noise and a pair of wild eyes looking at him through their reflection in the mirror. For a moment there, a hint of fear pools in the depth of his guts. There’s no telling if Beomgyu has reached his limits and gone rogue like the early cases detected.
This sure feels longer than 5 minutes. Soobin’s heart has started beating a little too hard in his chest, yet he still won’t move or push Beomgyu away. His gaze stays locked onto Beomgyu’s, until he hears the sound of the door opening and his world starts spinning because. No way .
No way Beomgyu didn’t lock the door.
“Hey, you lovebirds, I hope you guys are still fully clothed or else–” Yeonjun’s voice booms through the small area of the room, cut off abruptly as Yeonjun caught a sight of them. No matter how you try to explain the situation, there’s nothing normal about a human biting another human until he bleeds. Unless…
“Yeonjun hyung, this…” Soobin tries to come up with something, only to have all the words evaporate from his brain the moment Beomgyu detaches his mouth from his shoulder. It’s getting worse, judging from the look in Yeonjun’s face as he saw the blood.
“Holy shit.”
Holy shit indeed. Soobin is already terrified of what’s going to come, how Yeonjun’s going to react, when he feels the dots expand in his eyesights. The last thing he heard is Beomgyu’s panicked voice and he tries, really tries, to stay awake because they’re going to need an explanation. He can’t pass out and turn Beomgyu into a dangerous beast who attacked his boyfriend.
But the dots are spreading and he’s carried away by the darkness. Not again.
//
The next time Soobin opens his eyes, he’s hit with several emotions at once. There’s exhaustion that comes with the weakness he feels throughout his body, shame over what happened, and the strongest of it all: fear.
As he jolts up the bed, he ignores the way the room spin, focusing on Kai who stands up as soon as he sees him. There’s concern written all over his face, but he can’t focus on that now as there’s a more pressing matter.
Beomgyu. He’s going to lose Beomgyu.
Not now. Not after the long years of avoiding their feelings and insisting that what he felt was merely affection with his best friend. Not when they finally solved the issue. Not when they’re happy and in love. No.
“Soobin hyung, are you okay?” Kai asks, waving a hand before his face.
“Where’s Beomgyu?”
Kai grimaces at the question. “He’s being examined right now.”
“No… they’re not supposed to find out. Remember what they did to that woman from the station? Kai, they’re going to kill him,” the panic rises in his voice the longer he goes. He ignores Kai’s attempt to comfort him as he throws the blanket off his body and slides out of bed. He also ignores the way his vision spins. Every second counts.
“Hyung, you just got a blood transfusion and are still very weak. Why don’t we just wait here?” Kai hugs around his waist, which should be comforting any other day, but not now as Soobin would be willing to jump off the window if that means he would end up where Beomgyu is kept.
“Seriously, Kai? You know he could die anytime and you still…” he sighs in exasperation, shoving the youngest by his chest before running towards the door.
Before reaching it, the wood swings open, almost hitting him in the face. But the sight of a very pissed off Yeonjun looks more dangerous than a slam of wood on your face. He is blocking the exit with his hands on his hips. Though Soobin can easily shove him away, he got a feeling that it’s not the wisest thing to do.
Still, he shoulders his way towards the elder, only to be pushed back easily. He sways on his feet, barely catching himself to not stumble back. Anger and frustration rise within him that his voice comes out a little too loud next.
“What are you doing, Choi Yeonjun? I need to see him! Stop acting like you care when you guys didn’t even notice–”
“CHOI SOOBIN!” Yeonjun is even louder, snapping him out of the clouds of anxiety swimming in his head. The room goes completely silent after the bang, nobody dared to move until the eldest in the group starts speaking again. “Have you gone insane already? You’re supposed to be the responsible one among us and yet you’re running around doing this shit.”
“Hyung, please,” he is almost begging at this point.
“What were you thinking, Choi Soobin?” Instead, Yeonjun storms into the room and grabs him by the front of his shirt. He’s too taken aback to counter, eyes wide. “Don’t you know how dangerous this disease is, both for Beomgyu and yourself? You should’ve reported it right away instead of just hiding it between you two. Did you even plan to tell us?”
The outburst got Soobin tongue-tied because no, he was never going to tell them. Now that he’s thinking about it again, it’s a stupid thing that they hid it from everyone when they have the right to know. They live together and work together and not only did Soobin endanger Beomgyu, but also his whole team.
“I’m sorry…”
“This is the second time you got carried into the hospital. What’s next, your dying body?”
Frustration thrums through his body. While he wants nothing more than to shove past Yeonjun, he knows that the hyung is right. They’ve been behaving irresponsibly when dealing with this disease. He sacrificed his role as a leader just to be the selfish Choi Soobin.
“I’m just scared that he won’t come back, he didn’t want to go,” he says defensively, tears burning into the back of his eyes.
“I’m more scared of him dying of an untreated disease, Soobin. What were you thinking?”
“With the whole thing that’s going on… we can’t be sure of what they’re going to do to him. Hyung. I can’t… I can’t lose him,” he sounds frantic, fingers tight around Yeonjun’s hand that’s still gripping his shirt.
Yeonjun softens up seeing his vulnerable state. He sighs, yet still steering Soobin back into the bed. “Would it make you feel better to know that Taehyun’s staying with Beomgyu for the whole examination? They can’t do anything shady to him… We love him too, and you. We can’t lose you two.”
“He doesn’t want to be examined, hyung.”
“They must have the medicines already by now.”
“I don’t think so… the blood pills don’t even work,” he mumbles, still unsure even as he’s already getting back into bed under Yeonjun’s stern supervision.
“Whatever it is, it’s out of your hands, Soobin. Please trust us this once.”
Soobin doesn’t, not when it comes to Beomgyu. But this is his hyung, and Kai is also staring at him hopefully, and his head is still killing him. The only thing he can do is to blink his tears away and shut his eyes, trying not to imagine Beomgyu in the same position as the infected who ended up dead after being examined.
//
By the end of the week with no news or contact from Beomgyu, Soobin is almost out of his mind.
It doesn’t help that they can’t prepare the comeback as 4, so the members are working on their solo projects - covers and compositions and everything else, while Soobin is demanded to have more rest. Being idle when he’s trying not to go crazy is counterproductive, but he tries. For his members, he can do this.
After another hit of a dizzy spell, he decides to listen to everyone and take a nap for the rest of the day. Mildly, he hears the sound of doors opening and closing. The others must be coming home already. They will be going back to their normal schedules tomorrow, after all.
He drifts back to sleep, thinking about calling Taehyun the next time he wakes up so they can have dinner together.
It doesn’t happen, because the next time he wakes up, he’s pressed down into the bed by the presence of someone else atop his body. The room is already dark from having no sunlight brightening up the room from the window. He originally thinks he is having sleep paralysis, until he feels the steady breathing of this person.
Relief washes over him so hard he almost cried. Hesitant hand hovering above the figure before he dares himself to touch him, running his fingers through his hair.
As his eyes adjust to the darkness, he sees Beomgyu blinking up at him.
“Sleepyhead. Texting me fifty times a day and sleeping when I’m actually home.”
The urge to retort with a snarky remark is strong. That’s the automatic response to Beomgyu’s tendency to be a brat even when he’s being soft. But this time, Soobin swallows all the words and gathers Beomgyu into his arms.
“Welcome home.”
His words have Beomgyu relaxing in his arms, burrowing himself closer and tucking his face into Soobin’s neck. “Are you not going to ask anything? Maybe I have some crazy stories of mad scientists experimenting on me.”
“Yeah? Do tell,” he snorts. Beomgyu bites down gently onto his skin in retaliation. The touch of teeth on his skin makes him freeze for a split second, tense just like whenever he had to prepare himself for the bite.
“Oops, old habit. I don’t bite anymore now.”
Beomgyu lifts his head, baring his teeth towards the other. He keeps his teeth showing even as Soobin cups his face to tilt his face from side to side, examining his teeth. “Do they really have the treatment?”
“Mm, it’s a long process and I have to keep coming to the hospital for the next three months. But it should be okay. We are okay, Soobin-ah.”
Despite saying that, he doesn’t look okay. Soobin could spot a fake smile on Beomgyu from miles away. He doesn’t want to be the reason Beomgyu has to fake anything. He’d seen Beomgyu at his more vulnerable state, had seen him all bare and yearning and wishing for him. Had seen him demanding what he needed from Soobin.
So he does the same way. With a swift movement, he rolls their position in the bed so he can press Beomgyu down into the mattress. He stares into Beomgyu’s wide, surprised eyes, taking his hand to make the younger touch his cheek.
“What’s the matter? You’re not telling me something.”
“Mm, nothing,” he says, eyes avoiding him for a second before he smiles at Soobin, all mischievous, as his legs come up to wrap around his waist. “Can’t you just kiss me?”
Soobin sighs, but gives in as he leans forward to kiss him. Except he doesn’t give in to the puckered up lips, instead pressing kisses to his cheek and down his jawline.
“Hyuuung!”
“Nope. I’m going to kiss you everywhere else until you tell me,” he says stubbornly, peppering kisses down his neck that elicits a petulant whine from the other. Though it seems like Beomgyu is still enjoying this nonetheless, judging from how he’s still holding him tightly. His thighs are strong on the sides of Soobin’s waist.
His answer comes in a sigh and a mumble that’s more for himself than Soobin to hear. “At least you still want to kiss me.”
“What’s that for?”
As he pulls away to look at Beomgyu again, he finds the male covering his face with both his hands. The subtle shaking of his body tells him enough that he’s crying, and it breaks Soobin’s heart that he’s here, so close to him, kissing him, and he’s still the cause of Beomgyu’s tears.
“Hey… Beomgyu-ya. Something’s wrong, right? Please tell me…”
He shakes his head, peeking through the gaps of his fingers to look at Soobin with tears in his eyes. “I’m sorry. It was my fault for being a coward and hiding my illness, I should’ve listened to you and got treatments earlier.”
“But it all worked out, right? You don’t have to worry about it anymore,” Soobin tries comforting him, only to receive a smack on his shoulder.
“I harmed you! I should’ve given in the first time you were injured because of me, but you keep protecting me instead. You’re too kind, Soobin hyung, what if I keep putting you in danger? What if you’re only with me because you felt bad for forgetting Christmas Eve–”
“Beomgyu,” Soobin says sternly, grabbing Beomgyu’s wrists to pry his hands off from covering his face. “I do feel bad for getting shitfaced and forgetting our first night together, but I wouldn’t be with you only because of that. I like you.”
The pair of teary eyes stare at him in daze. Beomgyu sniffles once more before tugging on his hands for a whole different reason, covering as much of his face as he could with his fists. “You like me.”
“Seriously? Why did you think I kissed you? Why would it hurt so much that you ignored me if I didn’t like you that much?” he sighs, wriggling himself out of the trap made by Beomgyu’s legs to settle next to him, gathering the smaller male into his arms. “You can be such a fool sometimes. I fucked up in the first place because I liked you too much.”
“Now you’re blaming me.”
“Just for making me like you so much, but everything else was my fault. I should’ve been a better leader,” he says, quickly covering Beomgyu’s mouth with his palm when he looks like he’s going to yell at him. “It’s the truth. As the leader, I should’ve got you checked up after the first incident, but I didn’t want you to hate me again, so I believed those conspiracy theories and, yeah.”
“I never hated you, though,” Beomgyu said once he successfully removed the hand from his face, though still holding onto it with both his hands. It’s always cute when he does this kind of thing - it’s not that his own hands are that much smaller, but Beomgyu can make himself look smaller when he wants to and that’s Soobin’s weakness. Hopefully he never realised that.
“Mm… just don’t ignore me like that again.”
Beomgyu nods, wiping away the remnants of his tears by rubbing his face into Soobin’s shirt. Once he’s done, there’s a new, familiar look in Beomgyu’s eyes. That’s how he knows that Beomgyu is actually feeling better now. The mischief only comes out when he’s healthy.
“Can you still fuck me as my leader though, that was kinda hot,” he says, setting the mood back to the playful one always painting their bedrooms before the disease clouded it with grey.
Still, Soobin can never get used to it. He groans, covering his hand with one hand while Beomgyu hugs his other one. “Can we talk about my day?”
“I know you’re turned on seeing my cry, you purposely made me cry last time to–”
“AAAAHHH”
At least that’s enough confirmation that Beomgyu is, in fact, recovering well. He may be stressed for a bit after this, but Soobin wouldn’t exchange it for anything else.