Chapter Text
Natalie takes a deep breath as she stands over the trailer’s kitchen sink and looks out the window. She seriously thought that being away for years would have softened her heart to this place, but no. It’s ugly, bleak, and fucking boring.
Granted, she should’ve probably moved back somewhere else but she hadn’t seen her mother in months; apparently she’s been living with her second cousin or something unsure when she’ll ever be back, it makes it more tolerable to be here. She will move away when she has more money and if she decides that she’ll stay here for a long enough period of time to sign a lease.
But damn, moving back to Wiskayok at twenty four was not in her cards until she started feeling like the ground was slipping beneath her feet. It wasn’t until the drinking got too much, even for her, and the fact she knew the number of her plug by heart was getting embarrassing. She knew the one-way ticket that this leads to, she’s seen it with her parents and the people she grew up with. She had to stop before it got to her, it was starting to scare her and that didn’t sit well with Nat.
Fuck all that.
And now she’s back here wondering how everything could look the same but feel so different.
After a while of contemplation, she checks her phone for the time and groans out loud when realizes that she has to get ready for this stupid event. She’s not even sure how she got roped into it and actually agreed to put her name in the invites list, she literally could’ve lied but she didn’t. Nat swears she might’ve been kidnapped and hypnotized for half an hour to agree to attend.
Because who the fuck hosts a five year high school soccer team reunion? The Yellowjackets grave isn’t even cold yet! And if her math is right, a lot of the girls are still in college. Like, what the hell? Who’s even available for a reunion during the spring?
Natalie looks up the window again, she sees a little ladybug by the window sill. Her knee jerk reaction is to squish it but then she decides to open the window and watch it run away to the trailer’s wall outside. There’s enough ghosts in one small space, even a tiny bug deserves better than this.
She goes back to sit on the steps outside, and have one cigarette before committing to getting ready for the evening. She hasn’t seen most of her old teammates in years, and the last time she saw their captain dearest…well, it frightened her; hospitals have always frightened her. Needless to say, she’s sorta anxious.
A part of her is always anxious though; constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop, walking home everyday feeling the bile rise up wondering if the lights would be on before she arrives, putting claim on the territory she’s squatting in despite growing up there.
__________
Jackie looks at herself in the mirror; touching her cheeks, lips, turning her face left and right, and fluffing her wavy hair. She looks good, she looks the same as she always has except maybe a bit more womanly and grown.
She knows that she looks good, she has always looked good and been told as such ever since she was little.
But she’s not little anymore, and things are different. She can’t just attend an event, dress up nicely, exchange pleasantries, and call it a night. She’s not usually nervous when it comes to going out and about, but these are her old teammates, she was their captain, she hadn’t properly seen them all in years.
And now she has to show up there with an ‘elephant in the room’ in the form of her wheelchair.
Okay, maybe she doesn’t want to go anymore. Literally, no one would blame if she canceled on them, she’s been getting off the hook so easily in the past four years.
She puts her hands on the rims, backs away from the vanity and smoothly wheels herself out of her bedroom, to the hallway, to the elevator, and down to the living room where her mom is watching tv or scrolling through her phone or both.
“Mom,” she announces her presence, “I decided that I’m not going,” Jackie breaks the news with a nonchalant attitude.
“Wonderful,” Susannah deadpans, not taking her eyes from her phone, “now go back upstairs, do what you have to do, and come back in ten minutes to say you’ve changed your mind,” she finally looks up, “as you have done for the past two hours.”
“Mommy…” Jackie groans and deflates in her chair. She goes to the living room and puts herself right in front of her mom, “why won’t you support my decision?” She pouts, it’s even more ridiculous that she has rolls pinned in her hair still.
“I don’t mind you staying in for the evening, we could catch up on Gilmore Girls together,” she easily explains, “it’s just that I don’t want you to not go because it scares you.”
“Why does it have to be all of them all at once?” She complains, dropping her head on her mom’s shoulder, “that’s a lot of people.”
“Jackie,” she calls out for her daughter to look at her, and then she holds Jackie’s face with her hands and says, “you deserve to be in every room, no one should ever make you otherwise. It’s yours as much as theirs, okay?”
“Yeah, yeah. Whatever.” Jackie nods and looks away, her mother would always remind her of that, it’s basically a Taylor household mantra now. It was difficult to hear in the beginning but she’s grown to appreciate the reminder if she’s being completely honest.
“Isn’t Shauna going to be there as well?”
“She is.”
“A familiar face! That’s good, no?”
“No! That’s the main issue, mom,” she exasperates, “they’re all familiar faces.”
“Do you want me to come with you?” Her mother offers.
Jackie widens her eyes at the idea of showing up with her mom, “oh my god. No.”
“Well here I thought you and I were good friends,” Susannah pretends to be offended.
“You know I don’t mean it like that,” she smiles at her, then she takes a deep breath, “okay,” she firmly nods, “I decided I’m going. No take backs.”
“Good,” Susannah pats on her daughter’s arms, and turns her chair, “now go get ready. Don’t want you to be late.”
Jackie makes sure to say on her way up, “oh no. I’ll definitely be late. I’m not gonna be the first one there.”
“Just go,” she hears her mother laugh before the elevator door closes.
She goes back to her room and sees her sage green dress, that her mother always said complimented her eyes well, laid in her bed. Something cute; not too dressy, not too formal, not too casual. When she pulls the brakes on her chair, she gathers her strength and transfers to her bed to get changed.
Dressing up and down is light work for her, she’s been doing it for years by herself. In fact, she can do pretty much everything by herself, only it’s sometimes different and challenging.
Like right now, how she has her dress on but it has buttons on the back when her hands and grip aren’t as strong as they used to be; she can’t fully close the fist without an absurd amount of effort. Her thumbs and pointer fingers are almost always open and difficult to move, it wasn’t only her legs that were impacted by the accident. She’s learned to work her way around it, like most things, but she’s not really bothered about the buttons today. Jackie will just ask her mom to help her before she leaves.
__________
If Nat wasn’t wearing a dress, she would’ve gone there with her motorbike. It’s not that she doesn’t know how to drive with a dress on, it’s just that she didn’t like the attention that it got her from the wrong crowd. She blew her money over this bike to enjoy it, not to dread riding it and feel overexposed. So, she begrudgingly takes the bus instead.
The black dress dropped to just above her knees and she put on her leather jacket over it because who’s Nat without it? Would they recognize her if she showed up without her signature article of clothing.
She goes inside this venue slash banquet place thing that whoever-the-fuck rented out for them, and she scans the room.
“Oh, look who’s fucking alive!” Lottie Matthews walks towards her with her arms wide open, “I didn’t know if you were gonna come.”
“Well, I’m here,” she awkwardly says but readily accepts Lottie’s hug.
“Where have you been?”
“Oh, I came back from New York recently.” A lie. She came back shortly before Halloween, “what about you? You’ve been everywhere.”
“Yeah, I’ve been itching to leave since forever so I just take any opportunity to just go abroad for an internship or vacation or whatever.”
“Don’t we all?” She chuckles.
“Are you here for good?”
“I—uhh…I dunno,” she squints her eyes and looks around, “I don’t have a solid plan.”
Nat continues chattering with Lottie, and slowly but surely she keeps entering conversations with Laura Lee, then Shauna, then Tai, and she eventually finds Van.
“Did we find the fucking culprit who planned this?” Is exactly how Van greets her, but they’ve been meeting up sporadically in these few months that it’s not some grand reunion.
“Beats me, I just got an email,” Nat shrugs, “I don’t even know how they got my contact.”
“I’m still surprised that everyone’s pretty much here,” Van laughs, but Nat’s stuck looking at everyone with furrowed brows, “Looking for someone?”
“Is Jackie Taylor coming?” She honestly asks.
“Apparently, but she’s not here yet. Why?”
“I haven’t seen her since the hospital,” Nat sighs out, “I kinda just wanna get it out of my system.”
“Oh, I’ve seen her a couple of times recently,” Van recalls, “one time last year when she was visiting back from Boulder, and maybe twice with Tai and Shauna since the Taylors moved back here.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. She’s doing really well if you wanna know,” she nods, “I didn’t expect it honestly, but she seemed great. I felt bad for underestimating her like that, you know?”
“That’s good,” Nat takes a sip from her coke. It’s kinda reassuring to hear that from Van, the last image she has of Jackie is her looking pale as a ghost in a hospital bed with a neck brace and tubes attached everywhere out of her body, and she wasn’t even awake. It would actually be great to have something else to picture.
Jackie called the place beforehand to confirm the availability of an accessible parking space and a ramp by the stairs. One would be surprised just how loose the term ‘accessible’ can mean for a lot of public places.
She remains in the car hyping herself up until she eventually takes a deep breath, opens the door to reassemble her chair, and transfers from the car seat to her wheelchair first, then carrying one leg after the other to put on the footrest, and she actually stayed true to her words about being rather late.
Luckily, Shauna’s the first person she spots when she enters.
“Thought you bailed on me,” Shauna jokingly reprimands while approaching her.
“I would never!” She sarcastically exaggerates. Shauna leans down to hug her.
“Right,” she quickly nods, “only an hour and a half late. That’s like…nothing.”
“Exactly,” she agrees, then she trails off to look around, “wow…everyone’s here.”
“Yeah.”
“How is everyone here?” She creases her eyebrows, “even coach’s sons?”
“No clue,” Shauna shakes her head, “wanna say hi?”
“Sure,” she slowly answers. It seems like she arrived as everyone was getting seated for dinner at one long table.
And apparently someone had written all their seating placements and put Jackie’s name at the head of the table.
Oh, absolutely not.
To her right would’ve been Laura Lee who is already sitting there.
“Laura Lee,” Jackie cheerfully calls out, “hi!”
“Oh hello, Jackie!” She hugs Jackie from her dining chair.
“It’s great to see you!”
“You, too,” she nicely says with the sweetest smile, “how have you been?”
“I’ve been good,” she smiles back, “how about you?”
“I’ve been good as well,” she nods.
“Laura Lee, would you mind switching places?” She sheepishly asks.
“Oh, of course! It’s not a problem.”
“Thank you so much. I appreciate it,” she thankfully smiles at her. She pulls the brakes on her chair to drag the table chair away, preferring to remain in her own wheelchair; she considers it her safe place, she doesn’t like being without it, even if it looks like she’s sitting on a shorter chair than everyone else. She really can’t muster a fuck to give anymore about these things, her comfort takes priority.
Most of the people are already seated and chatting amongst each other that her arrival goes by seemingly unnoticed. Perfect.
She’ll talk to everyone at her own pace.
As they wait for the food, Tai and Lottie come to say hi, and while back in the day she would have enthusiastically hugged them, she keeps her hands firm on the rims instead, now if either of them had any idea to bend down and hug her…they wouldn’t. Jackie usually wouldn’t mind or care but she doesn’t want to hug a lot of people today.
It is a difficult situation to explain; Jackie could hold a microphone and yell to the world truthfully: No, I’m not ashamed of myself. No, I don’t hate myself despite what you might think. But this doesn’t make it any easier.
It’s the old image everyone had of her, and the stark difference of who she is now that sends her on a mental spiral when it comes to meeting old friends. She can feel the nerves and curiosity emitting off of certain people and she recognizes that a massive majority of them mean well. That’s why meeting strangers is easier; it’s a clean slate.
Maybe that’s why she’s throwing herself into this intense version of exposure therapy; seeing all her old teammates in one place might finally just get her to relax. They are people who she’s meant to at least have some trust with. Those relentless team bonding activities couldn’t have been for nothing, right?
Natalie’s straight up judging the risotto she’s eating with a grimace on her face. Risotto isn’t even her favorite by a mile but even she knows how to make a better dish than this one. Like no, it’s not that bad but excuse her for holding the catering service to a higher standard.
She could immediately tell that they cooked with the wrong temperatures of everything. If she was back in the kitchen, she would’ve arranged and spread the rice in equal layers so it cooks more evenly, and she wouldn't have added the broth unless it was warm beforehand, however she digresses. She’s not clocked into work, she doesn’t have to think so critically about it even though she’s certain if she asked Misty, who’s been seated next to her, about the science of it all, she would have agreed with everything that Nat said, and not because she always agrees with everything that Nat says.
Suddenly, she hears someone clicking on glass, and a familiar agitating noise says, “can I get everyone’s attention please?”
Lo and behold, it’s Allie Stevens standing from her seat with a smile too big on her face.
Nat immediately catches Van’s eyes and sees her mouthing, “it’s her.”
Of course, it was her behind all this. They should’ve known.
“Hello, Yellowjackets!” She cheerfully says but it does come out awkwardly, and then she clears her throat, “I just wanted to thank everyone for coming here. I know it was all in short notice but if there’s one thing that I know the Yellowjackets can do, it’s make the impossible happen.”
Oh my god. Just let it die.
Nat looks around and she notices the blue and yellow decorations everywhere, and the way the table is set. They’re probably matching outfits and a chant away from looking like a cult. The only thing missing is a bee mascot running around them.
“—which is why I can’t think of a better person to give us a welcoming speech other than captain Jackie Taylor who has always been an inspiration to us.”
Nat overhears Van muttering, “Jesus fucking Christ,” under her breath, and everyone in the table’s looking at Jackie who’s at the edge of the table.
The unfortunate pause after that lasts a bit longer than what anyone is comfortable with.
She sees her suddenly sit up straight, very obviously caught off guard with wide eyes and a tilted head. Nat feels terrible for wanting to laugh because clearly Allie didn’t discuss this with Jackie beforehand.
“What?” The confusion is all over her face.
“A speech, Jackie!”
“Oh…no,” Jackie very slowly drags out with an awkward smile on her face, “no, Allie. I’m sorry,” she does seem a tiny bit apologetic, “I don’t do speeches anymore.”
“Awh c’mon Cap,” she tries to encourage, “just a few words.”
Then Jackie’s tone entirely shifts, she shrugs and shakes her head, “I’d actually love to, but I can’t do pep talks anymore, I tried practicing a few years ago in PT but,” she sighs and sucks her teeth, “pretty sure that ability is all gone with the wind.” The subtle sarcasm is just spilling out of her lips, Nat spots Shauna trying to stifle a laugh, and Tai’s on the side wearing a smirk.
“Oh,” Allie looks slightly taken aback, obviously unable to say anything to her and doesn’t seem to gauge that Jackie’s fucking around a little bit.
That’s when Natalie lets out an audible snort, and Jackie’s eyes immediately find hers. Nat closes her mouth out of embarrassment and sends a half smile towards Jackie with a nod, she returns an earnest grin while maintaining eye contact for a few seconds. It’s their first time acknowledging each other in five years.
“But it is great seeing everyone. Really!” She amends with a happy tone, “and the food’s good.”
Natalie eyes Jackie’s plate in front and creases her brows slightly when she notices that it’s barely even touched. It has her wondering if she hated the risotto as well.
“Well, okay then. We can move on to the next thing.”
Afterwards, Natalie just tunes everything out. It’s an hour later and they’ve finished eating the dessert, it’s mostly mingling and drinks being poured. She’s been on a decent sobriety streak, and she wouldn’t consider herself that sensitive but she’d rather leave the room and have a smoke outside.
Nat’s leaning on the brick wall outside playing candy crush on her phone, and on her second cigarette. A few minutes of trying to align the candies in the stupid game, she sees Jackie leaving the building and watches her as she wheels herself to the front parking space towards the shiny white Lexus.
Huh, she can drive by herself.
Nat’s admittedly impressed, she didn’t know that you could drive without using your legs. She feels like a creep for ‘staring’ for a few moments so she decides to go to say hi or something.
Jackie opens the driver’s door, and when Nat is halfway there, she notices the wired earphones in Jackie’s ears and she is animatedly talking to someone so she hesitates for a second, but Jackie seems to have seen her and flags her down to come over despite being on a call.
On her way there, Jackie has moved from her wheelchair to the car seat but since she’s distracted with her chatter, her legs are still on the footrest.
“No, I’m not—“ Nat hears Jackie exclaim, “why would I even be?”
When Nat’s in front of her, Jackie absentmindedly grabs her wrist for a second as if to say ‘stay, I’ll be done in a minute.’ Nat just looks at Jackie’s hand wrapped around her wrist.
“I’m not upset,” she grumbled, “I just wanted to leave,” she looks up at Nat, “some people already left too, I’m not the first.”
Nat raises her eyebrows at her with a smirk. Why is she suddenly involved?
“Not everything has to be some big deal, mommy,” she groans. Natalie smiles to herself because even at twenty four, Jackie still calls her mom ‘mommy’— no wait, her birthday isn’t until November. She’s still twenty three. Nat looks sideways because why the hell does she even remember that? Jackie hadn’t posted anything regarding her birthdays on Instagram for years, the last time she was around for a Jackie Taylor birthday week fiasco…it was almost six years ago.
“Alright. I’ll see you at home. Love you too,” and she ends the call, and tosses her phone to the side.
Nat thinks that Jackie might start the conversation now but she takes her legs to tuck them inside the car, and starts picking apart her chair.
“Need any help?” Nat meekly asks.
“Nope,” she pops the p, she removes one wheel to throw on the back.
She just stands awkwardly there until Jackie finally says, “you didn’t come say hi to me,” with an easy tone. She doesn’t sound mad, more like just stating a fact.
“Well, you didn’t say hi to me,” Nat attempts to counter back.
“Uhm, no,” Jackie finally looks up at her with a sly grin, “I’m literally on a wheelchair. Every obligation I had of greeting people first is thrown out the window.”
“Oh, really?” Nat smiles, “I never heard of that before.”
“There’s that, and there’s also cutting lines, free parking…but only sometimes, and getting into airplanes first,” she counts with her fingers, “it’s a jolly good time, I promise.”
Natalie chuckles and surrenders by taking a step back, “hi, Jackie. It’s good to see you again.”
“Hello, Natalie,” Jackie’s smiling at her again, “it’s wonderful to see you too.”
Nat stands there, almost aimlessly, and curiously peeks into Jackie’s car wondering how it’d operate and work, surely there were some adjustments. When Jackie’s done with putting everything on the backseat and adjusts her seat, she sees Nat trying to look in.
“Wanna come inside?” Jackie casually asks.
“Yes!” Natalie’s embarrassed by how fast she answered but hey! It’s a cool car and she wants to know how Jackie drives it.
“Come on in,” she gestures at the passenger seat.
Nat walks around the car and sits next to Jackie. The car looks like any normal automatic vehicle, “how do you drive it?”
“This thing right here,” she puts her right hand on the handle that poking out next to the gear shift, “it’s a hand control for the acceleration and the brakes.”
“Oh, that’s fucking cool,” it makes sense now in her head. She’s not sure why she didn’t think of that.
“Wanna go on a spin round the block?” She offers.
“Uhhh, sure. What the hell?” Nat nods.
Jackie turns on the engine, and gets out of the parking lot to head to the roads. Nat keeps her eyes on the hand control, just to see the mechanism. “When I pull it towards me, it accelerates,” she shows her, “and when I push it, it brakes.”
“When’d you start driving with it?”
“Around a year and a half ago. Maybe.”
“In Boulder?“
“Yeah.”
“Was it harder than driving with the pedals?”
Jackie twists her mouth and shakes her head, “I never got my license before. I don’t even remember what it's like driving like that.”
“Oh,” Nat looks away, maybe she should tone it down with the questions.
“But the hand controls aren’t hard,” she perks up again, “even dad gave them a try around the neighborhood, he gave his stamp of approval.”
“That’s good,” she smiles at Jackie.
“Wanna give it a little try?”
“Jackie, I am not going to drive your car,” Nat chuckles and shakes her head.
“No,” she laughs back, “I just meant put your hands on the handle. I’ll still be driving.”
“Oh right, of course. Duh.”
She hesitates at first, but she closes her fist on Jackie’s hand that’s holding the controller, “it mostly feels like a squeeze.”
Jackie accelerates the car a little bit, and Nat can recognize what she meant. She keeps her eyes on the road as Jackie drives and forgets herself for a few minutes. It’s only until she stops at the red light when Nat notices that she’s been holding her hand for a while, she takes it away and puts it on her lap with a slight blush.
“Nat?”
“Yeah?”
“Wanna get milkshakes?”
“Milkshakes?”
“Yeah,” Jackie shrugs, “it’s the weekend. Let’s go fucking crazy.”
“Okay,” she nods, “sure.”
By milkshakes, Jackie means two vanilla frosties and two French fries from Wendy’s for the both of them. When the kid working by the drive-thru window brings out both shakes, Jackie politely says, “one at a time please.”
He gives her one, and she carefully grabs it with both hands. When she turns to place it on the cup holder, Nat takes it from her to do it instead.
“Thanks,” she quickly says.
“Yeah,” Nat nods.
Same thing happens with the other drink and after he hands her the bag with fries, she takes out her card to pay but Nat quickly interjects, “no, I got it.”
“Absolutely not,” Jackie shakes her head and has already paid, “I practically kidnapped you fro—“
“You actually saved me.”
“Just let me treat you this time.”
“Okay, thanks,” Nat leans back on the seat, “I got you next time.”
“Yeah?” Jackie beams at her.
“Yeah.”
“I’ll hold you to it.”
She parks the car to overlook the road ahead. They both enjoy their fries dipped in milkshakes while catching up with each other. The ice is easily broken as they continue talking, Nat thinks it’s way more fun than the earlier dinner.
“Like, what even is a five year reunion?!”
“That’s exactly what I was thinking!” Nat’s thrilled that Jackie agrees.
“This fucking town,” Jackie shakes her head and takes a bite of her French fry.
“When did you come back anyway?” Nat asks her, she never knew.
“Hmmm,” she looks up, “around August last year.”
“Do you miss it?”
“Ehhh,” she shrugs, “it was really pretty there, but I spent most of my time going to and from the hospital for treatments and therapies, so not a lot of partying unfortunately,” Jackie easily explains and then pauses because there was this particularly good thing that came out it, ”It did bring me closer to my parents though, since we didn’t really know anyone there…and I know it’s lame but they’re like my best friends now.”
“I don’t think that’s lame,” Nat reassures. It is a hard image to paint; she remembers the Taylors as being so cold and pretty much emotionless from her brief encounters with them but that was before the life-altering event, she supposes. It would be unfair to maintain that assessment.
“And I hear you’re back in town?”
“Yup. We’re both back to square one,” she jokes.
“All the roads lead to Wiskayok.”
“That’s…” Nat scrunches her face, “bleak.”
“Okay then,” she pivots the topic, “are you working?”
“Yes.”
“Where?”
“In the kitchen,” she answers, “Ivory Manor Inn, the one downtown.”
“Oh my god, are you like a chef?” She gasps, gripping Nat’s arm for a second.
“Woah,” Nat widens her eyes, “that’s a big fucking word. Just a cook.”
“You must be good, then,” Jackie decides and Natalie only shrugs.
“What about you, Taylor?” She asks back, “what do you have going on?”
Jackie takes a deep breath and leans back to look at the cars passing by, “well, I only have credit from my freshman year at Rutgers, and I don’t work. I do do things,” she makes sure to point out, “but nothing really crazy going on.”
“Dating anyone? Any boyfriends?”
Jackie looks at her funny, “no, Nat. I don’t do boyfriends anymore.”
“How come?” She genuinely asks, and takes a sip from the milkshake
She taps on the hand controller, and half smiles when she confesses, “I prefer girlfriends.”
“Really?” Nat emphasizes each syllable and widens her eyes with a small smile. Jackie can tell that there’s no malice about her reaction.
“Yeah, but I don’t have those either,” she clarifies.
“Well, I don’t have either of those too,” Nat admits, and opens her palm to high five Jackie. She snorts before reciprocating the gesture.
“Where do you live?” Jackie wonders.
“Same old trailer park,” she’s embarrassed to admit.
“Holy shit,” Jackie says, “we really are back in square one.” which makes Natalie laugh out loud.
When it gets quiet, Natalie takes a few more bites of her fries contemplating if she should tell Jackie what is on her mind. She bites the bullet when she remembers just how long it’s been since they’ve last seen each other.
“Hey, Jackie?”
“Hmm?” She looks at her.
“I—umm,” she swallows and looks at the cup holders, “I did come and see you, by the way,” she meets her eyes, “after the accident, Van called me with the news, I was only in Philly—so I did come to see you. You weren’t awake and I dunno— I dunno if you ever knew,” she nervously chuckles, “sometimes I’d wonder if someone told you or something because it would really seem like I was an asshole who just never gave a shit,” Nat takes a deep breath to calm her rambling, “I did give— I did care.”
Jackie half smiles and looks out the window, “Nat…”
She just looks at her without saying anything.
“I knew,” she affirms.
“You did?” Nat widens her eyes, truly feeling like the uncomfortable splinter has finally been removed from her finger.
“You did leave me a card, and I read all of the cards I received—they’re in a box,” Jackie laughs amused, “‘get well soon.’ Signed Nat. So fucking profound, I must say.”
“Waxing poetry has always been my thing,” Nat sarcastically responds, smirking with a cool shoulder shrug.
“No last name. No Natalie. Literally just Nat.”
“The one and only.”
“Damn right,” Jackie laughs, “rest assured, Nat,” she taps on her shoulder, “I know that you visited. Thanks.”
“Yeah,” she nods, “I should’ve come some more though. Preferably when we could exchange actual words.”
“Don’t think like that,” Jackie shakes her head, “we’re here now . Okay?”
“Okay,” she quietly responds. Nat wonders if her conversations with Jackie were ever this easy.
For the next few minutes, Jackie fiddles with the screen on the dashboard to open up some music and Nat receives a text from Van.
Where r u? Did u leave?
Yeah
Jackie’s taking me on a car ride
What?
I’ll explain later
It’s past nine when they notice just how long they’ve been sitting in that empty parking lot when Jackie offers to drive her home. Natalie declines Jackie since she’s being extremely generous with her today and she doesn’t feel like she showed up for it but Jackie insists.
“Your car is cool, I had fun hanging out,” Nat sincerely compliments before leaving, “thanks for the ride and milkshake.”
“Of course,” she pleasantly smiles, “I had fun too.”
“Well, goodnight Jackie,” Nat opens the car door but Jackie grabs her arm, “what is it?”
“Can you give me your phone number?” She has her phone out, “you did promise to treat me,” Jackie cheekily smiles.
“Sure,” Nat grins and types her phone number on Jackie’s phone, she makes a short call so she can have her number as well, “there you go.”
“Thanks,” she takes her phone back, “I should head back. My mom’s waiting for me.”
“Text me when you get home safe,” Natalie nods as she exits the car.
“Goodnight, Natalie.”
“Night, Jackie.”
Jackie beams when she opens the garage door to find that her dad’s car is there, she hadn’t seen him since yesterday. They totally have to catch up on the office gossip that he’s been relying to her, and he told her that he wants to hear all about this dinner’s events.
“Mom! Dad!” She calls out for them when she goes inside the house.
“Kitchen!” Her dad’s voice echos the hall.
She finds them standing by the counter eating something together, and she approaches them trying to take a peek at what's on their plates, “what are you having?”
“Hello to you too, Jackie,” Allen Taylor stares at her pointedly.
“Hey, daddy,” she smiles sweetly (almost too sweetly) and she stretches her arms out to hug him.
“Hi, sweetie,” he embraces her and kisses her cheeks. Then, Jackie goes to greet her mom because it can’t only be one of them.
“Your dad brought almond croissants from work.”
“From work?”
“Yeah,” he tears a bite to eat, “one of the guys brought us a bunch of boxes.”
“Why?” Susannah asks.
“No idea. Didn’t ask,” he simply shrugs and goes back to eating.
“You didn’t wanna wait until breakfast tomorrow?” Jackie wonders when her dad holds the plate for her to eat.
“The smell was too delicious,” her mom takes a bite with a fork, “I couldn’t resist it.”
“Want some?”
Jackie looks at the milkshake she has in the chair with her, “no. I’m good.”
The Taylor party heads to the living room instead of just loitering in the kitchen. Allen pushes Jackie’s chair for her and Susannah just trails behind them.
“So,” her mother begins, “how was it?”
“It was okay,” she shrugs, “not as bad as I thought.”
Susannah takes a breath of relief, “see. Nothing to worry about.”
“Yeah,” she nods. If she’s being honest, she can ignore the awkward hiccups in that dinner in favor of her spontaneous time spent with Natalie, it definitely made her night.
“I was expecting you sooner though, when we had that phone call.”
“Oh yeah, I was catching up with one of the girls,” she tells her parents, “we saw each other outside.”
Susannah hums, seemingly satisfied with the answer. Her parents are watching tv, and she’s awkwardly moving herself back and forth, unsure how to bring up this specific conversation.
“Dad?” She hesitantly asks.
“Yes?”
“No one has rented the apartment downtown, right?” She makes sure to only keep her big doe eyes on her father, avoiding her mother’s gaze.
“No. I didn’t put it up for rent,” he casually denies.
“Good, because I wanna talk to you about something,” she excitedly leans forward.
Before Allen can say something, Susannah sits up straight and warns with a firm tone, “Jackie.”
“Mom,” she groans with an eye roll.
“What’s this about?” Allen tries to gauge the situation.
The mother and daughter just keep their stare at each other; it’s a familiar dance, they’ve had this conversation before, and it never really ended in her favor.
Jackie blinks and looks at her dad, “I wanna move out.”
“Jacqueline.” She takes a deep breath.
“Move out? Why?” Allen leans forward with a frown, same as Jackie.
“I think it’s perfectly normal for kids my age to wanna live alone,” she crosses her arms.
“Jackie, we talked about this,” she hears her mother say, “I just don’t think that you’re ready.”
“Ready for what?“ she sneers, ready to fight, “I already do everything by myself. I can take care of myself.”
“You can do everything because all three of us put a collective effort to make sure that this household and everything you need outside of it is accessible,” Susannah is intensely speaking with her hands now.
“Then let me live in the real world!” Jackie yells out of frustration.
“Why?” Susannah exasperates, “is it truly so bad in here?”
“I didn’t even say that, mom!”
“I just don’t understand,” she throws her hands up, “everything’s set up so nicely here, and it’s all safe too. Why would you wanna subject yourself to something less comfortable?”
“Maybe it’s getting way too comfortable,” she looks at the tv screen, “I’m ready to try something new.”
“Try something else then,” Susannah offers, “and we can level up to that later…eventually.”
“No,” she shakes her head.
“Jackie, this isn’t something you just get to be stubborn about,” her mom sighs out, “this is serious.”
“I am being completely serious.”
“I still don’t understand,” Susannah resigns, Jackie can see that she’s actually sad. This reaction isn’t to spite Jackie or control her, she knows this which does make it harder for her.
So Jackie looks at her, twisting her mouth hoping the tears won’t fall, “did you really think that I would just never leave?” Her voice wobbles, “it’s not fair, mom.”
Susannah just purses her lips and nods, “I know.”
“Then let me make it right,” she defends her case, “let me figure it out just like everyone else.”
“Jackie honey, just today you were so nervous to meet your old teammates for a dinner party,” her mother recalls, “please make it easy for me to trust that you’ll be okay.”
“I worked my ass off for the past four years to get where I am now. I couldn’t even roll on my back at some point, and still, after everything,” Jackie's tone is angry again, “you want me to prove to you that I can take care of myself?”
“Jackie, I don’t think that your mother’s concerns are that out of place,” Allen calmly adds.
“Sweetheart, I know that you can take care of yourself,” Susannah tries to amend. She knows that she’s not handling this conversation very well. “I just want to know that you’ll be okay.”
“I’m literally asking to move twenty minutes away,” she points out, “to an apartment that we own, in the same city that we live in now, ” she takes a sharp breath, “how much more convenient can I make it for everyone?”
“What if something happened and you got hurt?”
“What, like getting into a car crash that permanently paralyzes me and then my parents assume that I don’t wanna carry on with my life?” Jackie’s eyes are wide and her stature is unflinching, and perhaps it’s not fair using their guilt and ultimate weak point to get what she wants but she thinks it’s partial compensation for what happened, even if it hinged on their misplaced guilt.
Both her parents don’t say anything because in Jackie’s mind, if they don’t want to play fair, she’s got the sharper teeth.
She goes back and heads near her seat on the couch, and she smoothly transfers herself so she can sit comfortably. She’s going to be here all night if it’s necessary.
“Jackie,” her mother resigns, “I am only worried.”
“I get it. Really, I do.” She nods, “but you really have to let me try and even fail at trying, mom.”
“Did something happen tonight?” Susannah questions, “did someone say something to you?”
“No one said anything to me, but that’s the thing, mom,” she leans back on the couch, “everyone was talking about doing all the things that I wanted to do, and…it hurts, mommy.” She frowns, “I don’t wanna live in my childhood home in my twenties, I wanna graduate, I wanna travel, do things on my own, and even try—I dunno. I’m more tired than scared about doing all of these so maybe I should just pull the trigger or something.”
“You can do all of this here. You can literally enroll back in college and start attending next fall,” her father adds.
“It’s not the same.”
“Why don’t you take this step by step?” Her mother bargains.
“I will. This is my first step.”
“I can’t help but think that you may end up in a situation where you would need someone to help, and no one would be there,” Susannah truthfully admits, “I never want to hold you back, but what if you’re…” and she just trails off.
Jackie will admit that it’s a valid concern, she’s not stupid; she can recognize the disadvantage that she’s in, but she can’t always remain frozen because she’s obsessed with statistics and probabilities about every little thing. Her parents would be twenty minutes away, and her doctors are a call away.
But she knows her mom; Susannah Taylor requires solid, tangible, and physical evidence for reassurance about her daughter’s wellbeing. So, she pulls out the big guns.
“I’ll find a roommate,” she offers, “I won’t be alone.”
“Roommate? Who?” Allen tilts his head, and Jackie tries not to be offended by the friendless implications.
“You can’t say Isabelle,” her mom warns, Jackie’s younger cousin has been a wonderful and supportive family member and dearest friend for Jackie throughout all of this, so supportive that she wouldn’t mind dropping out of college at the snap of a finger to move in with her cousin. Now that’s something aunt Helen wouldn’t forgive.
“It’s not Isabelle,” she groans because she would’ve been awesome but Jackie knows better.
“Shauna?”
“Shauna doesn’t even live here,” she wears a smug grin that says ‘see what I’m talking about!?’
“Well?”
“Give me a few weeks,” Jackie says firmly, “I’ll find someone trustworthy, and we have a deal.”
While Susannah looks close to giving in, she doesn’t say anything.
“Mom?” She pleads quietly.
“I’ll have to think about it.”
“Really?” Jackie exclaims, eyes wide and glimmering, “like actually?!” and she grabs her wheelchair to pull closer to her so she can transfer. She goes right to Susannah and gives her the biggest hug.
“I said I’ll think about it,” she smiles while patting Jackie’s back.
“And you, dad?”
“Whatever mom says,” he simply shrugs.
After that, Jackie just spills all of her plans regarding the apartment. Allen even goes to find the old plan for it so she can draw and show him her ideas about the adjustments. The thrill from Jackie is really showing, that Susannah can’t help but see how much she really wants it.
Eventually the night comes to an end, and when Jackie tells them that she’ll go to her room, her dad interrupts her.
“I’ll take you up,” he smiles cheekily with the same eye crinkle that Jackie has.
“Take me up?”
“Yeah, just like old times.”
“Dad…” she groans and rolls her eyes, pretending to be annoyed even if she already has her arms out ready for him, they haven’t done this in a while.
“What? I’m just carrying my girl like I always did,” Allen laughs, “your mom will bring the chair up.”
“Whatever,” she dismisses, still pretending that she’s doing him a favor by agreeing when she relishes in his warmth as he walks upstairs and she puts her head on his shoulder. Both Jackie and Susannah have this hyper awareness of ‘time running out’, she knows she won’t always have this. Might as well enjoy it when it comes by.
He leans down by her bed, and Jackie pulls the covers before he sits her down. She sits on the bed and lays her legs over the covers, still wearing her dress.
“You know you’re like my favorite kid ever,” Allen jokes with her, sitting on the edge of the bed.
“Well, I better be unless you’re hiding some other kids somewhere,” she teases back.
He lovingly pulls a strand of hair behind her ear and cradles her cheek before pulling away, “my little girl is all grown up, I guess,” the smile on his face is soft and gentle, Jackie can notice the wrinkles under his eyes and by his mouth.
“Dad, you will talk to mom, right?” She asks him.
“Give her a little time, she’ll come around,” he reassures her.
“I am ready,” she adamantly says.
“I know,” he nods, fully believing her, “I just don’t think your mom is. Even me, if I’m being honest.”
“Daddy, that’s not fair.”
“I know that.”
“You’ll talk to her?”
He gets up and takes a deep breath, “how do you think mom agreed to let you drive, Jackie?” He smirks at her.
“By trusting my outstanding capabilities,” she sarcastically responds.
“Yes, but also my charming smile,” he grins at her.
“Can you put that charming smile to work then?” She tilts her head.
“Don’t worry about anything, Jackie,” he comforts her, “things have a way of working out.”
“Okay,” she nods, “I trust you.”
He goes to kiss her on the head and says before leaving, “I love you, kid.”
“I love you too, dad.”
__________
Natalie never thought she’d appreciate working morning and afternoon shifts. It wasn’t even her choice to begin with, she always thought of herself as a nocturnal night owl but it turns out that seeing actual daylight is good for the mind and body, who knew?
Although nothing could’ve prepared her to wake up at 5 am almost everyday; she’s such a slow starter, but it got easier when she realized that sleeping early is the secret to it all.
She’s been texting Jackie all week, much to her surprise. Even called each other a few times when Jackie told her that she’s tired of texting. It all started on the night of the reunion when Jackie sent her a picture of the milkshake telling her that she wasn’t able to finish the whole thing, and the conversation never stopped since.
Jackie invited her to her house this evening to play ping pong of all things, and Nat thought half of her “treating Jackie” deal would be cooking her a dish, so she told Jackie not to prepare anything for dinner and Jackie agreed because she wanted to taste whatever Chef Scatorrcio can come up with.
So, she’s here carefully packing a couple parcel boxes in the case on the back praying that the food will remain intact the whole way. She’ll treat her with something else later in case her own cooking didn’t live up to the standard. She puts on her helmet and drives towards a neighborhood she hasn’t been in for half a decade.
A wave of nostalgia hits her face when she parks her bike in front of the house, remembering all the Yellowjackets related activities and parties that occurred there. It all looks pretty much the same but she notices the ramp on the entrance stairs that’s obviously for Jackie.
She rings the doorbell and hears the buzz, Nat stands back and waits for the door to open.
“Hey you,” Jackie smiles with one hand on the knob and the other is on the rim to wheel herself back.
“Hey,” she’s carrying the dishes with one hand and her helmet on the other.
“You were serious about cooking dinner yourself,” she says amusedly as she welcomes her into the house, leading the way.
“This is something I am never joking about, Jack,” she replies with the same tone, and Jackie smiles back at her at the sound of the nickname.
“Well, consider me grateful,” she pushes herself to the kitchen, riding the ramp on the step, “I’ll just grab some plates and spoons. We can eat a bit later.”
“Yeah, of course.”
Jackie puts two plates and some forks and spoons on her lap and heads to the elevator with Nat following behind. Before they reach there, Jackie turns around and smoothly moves backwards to meet Nat’s eyes, “na-uh, you take the stairs,” she deadpans, pointing at the staircase with her finger.
“Uh, why?” She narrows her eyes at Jackie.
She doesn’t say anything, only casually shrugs her shoulders. She presses the elevator buttons and hears the ding.
“I had a long day at work, Jackie,” Nat continues to speak bluntly, “don’t fuck with me.”
Both of them pause, giving each other a staring-showdown until Jackie ultimately gives up and slumps back on her chair with a groan.
“Fuck,” Jackie turns around and huffs out a breath, “you’re something else, you know that?” She enters the elevator, clearly making room for Nat to go in with her.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” They start going down.
“It’s a running joke,” she explains, “most people just start stuttering because they’re caught off-guard, but kudos to you Scatorrcio, you pass the test.”
“Was being an asshole the passing requirement?” She jokes.
“Yup,” she teases back. The door opens and Nat lets Jackie take the lead once more.
Jackie puts the cutlery on the table and Nat follows suit. It’s comfy down in the basement; couches, big tv, sound system, ping pong table, a few old beanbags, some workout equipment, and random objects here and there. Nat’s glad she just came in with jeans and t-shirt, Jackie herself in gray cotton shorts that go halfway up her thighs and a white sweatshirt.
“Are you ready to play ping pong?” Jackie smirks while handing Nat her paddle.
“Sure,” she replies, not really expecting much.
Natalie is never playing ping pong with Jackie ever again; turns out that she’s an actual mad woman when it came to that game, absolutely lethal.
“Did you bring me over to kill me with these stupid balls?” She whines and tosses the tiny white ball to the side.
“It is not my fault you’re absolutely terrible at this game,” she argues back with the same passion.
While Jackie remained in her wheelchair, Nat sat on a stool during the game, just to make it a little more fair.
“What the fuck was that?” She breathlessly shakes her head.
“I got bored of only playing with dad, and mom refuses to play,” she casually explains, as if Nat isn’t being a pouty mess right now, “I thought you’d be a good match.”
“Well, I’m siding with Mrs Taylor on this thing.”
“I can tell,” she says in a jokingly disappointed tone, “you’re both terrible.”
Nat just flips her off.
After a few pitiful rounds of Jackie obviously letting Nat win, they go to have their dinner together. Nat’s attentively looking at the plate, it’s one of those almost-bowls looking ones but it's got an asymmetrical look to it.
“You like ‘em?” Jackie takes notice of her curiosity.
“I mean,” Nat shrugs, “they’re plates.”
“Ehhh, wrong answer,” she imitates a buzzer sound, “turn the plate over.”
And Nat finds a J T written on the bottom of each plate, “you made them?”
“Yup,” she proudly nods, “a lot of our mugs, plates, coasters, bowls, and whatever are made by me.”
“That’s actually pretty cool, Jackie,” she genuinely says.
“Yeah, that’s more like it,” she smoothes over her shorts, “just a hobby of mine, and it also helps with my finger mobility,” she tries doing jazz hands to show Nat just how stiff some of the movement is.
“Like ping pong?” She smugly asks.
“No,” she shakes her head, “that’s just for my ego.”
“Got it.”
“Okay, this is stupid,” Nat rambles as she scoops the risotto from the thermal container into their plates, “but the risotto from that dinner was absolutely foul, and I noticed that you didn’t really eat much of it, so I thought that you and I both deserve a good fucking dish.”
“So that’s why you made this yourself?” Jackie smiles softly at her. She’s really moved by the gesture.
“Yeah,” Nat excitedly nods, “it’s not that hard, you just gotta get the temperature and proportions right. I had a lot of fun making it.”
Jackie takes a spoonful to her mouth, and Nat nervously watches her as she slowly comes into realization about how delicious it is, “holy shit, Natalie— you made this?” She exclaims with wide eyes.
“Yeah.”
“You cook like this everyday?”
Nat only shrugs, whoever she serves can answer for her.
“Wow,” she continues eating.
“Better than the one last week, right?” Natalie just can’t let it go, she’s kind of obsessed with one-upping them.
“I’d believe it,” she covers her mouth before swallowing, “I uhh— I didn’t actually eat any of it.”
Nat doesn’t say anything, not really sure how to respond.
“It was a lot of things, you know,” Jackie’s tone is calmer, “I just didn’t feel comfortable eating there.”
“Why?”
“C’mon Nat,” she gestures at her hands, “I know they’re not ‘grotesque’ or anything but I don’t know— I just felt really fucking visible that night, I got a little self conscious.”
Natalie’s face immediately flushes red with the thought of how she’s coming across right now. Sure, Nat saw Jackie holding the fork but she really didn’t think anything of it; she’s not stupid, she’s been aware that Jackie had mobile difficulties. It didn’t seem like a shocking revelation to her but she’s not Jackie’s shoes so she can’t really judge whatever she feels about it.
“No no no,” Jackie quickly amends, “not like that, okay? It’s not a reoccurring thing, I just get in my head sometimes. Look, I'm eating here with you perfectly fine.”
“Jackie,” Nat says looking down, “not that you missed out on anything because the food actually sucked, but I hope you don’t ever feel that way with me— or ever like with anyone ever.”
“Most of the time, I don’t,” she sends Nat an easy smile, “it ebbs and flows. Nothing I can't deal with.”
“Did something else happen that night?” Nat cautiously asks.
“Well, Allie ambushed me for a speech, I had to fend her off, then I got into my head and didn’t have dinner,” she looks up to recall the chain of events, “then, the accessible bathroom was out of order which fucking sucked— I didn’t even need to go but what if I did, huh?”
“It’s fucking bullshit,” Nat matches her energy. She doesn’t really pay a lot of attention to these kinds of thing but fuck, maybe she should.
“Exactly,” she nods and continues her rant, “I went to the normal restroom to use the sink— only the sink, nothing else. But it was high and there was a marble piece and I couldn’t fit my chair to wash my hands so I had to do it sideways and I looked stupid,” she pouts, “I decided to call it a night after that,” and she finally leans back on her wheelchair’s backrest.
“So, you left early,” she connects the dots.
“Not that early.”
“Ehh, I’d know,” she looks apprehensive, “I left early too,” she smiles at her.
“I gotta admit though,” Jackie looks at her, “you improved my mood by ten times that night.”
“Mine, too.”
They both quietly look at each other, and the intimate moment lingers. Nat snaps back and announces, “I made cinnamon rolls too.”
Jackie sees her out as she leaves all the way to where she parked her bike. Nat packs her boxes inside the case and puts the helmet on the seat.
“Thanks for having me,” Natalie starts, “even if you fucked me over with ping pong.”
“I did no such thing,” she shakes her head.
“Whatever,” Nat breathes out a laugh.
Jackie sighs and looks back at her house, “are you going right back home now?”
“Yeah. I have an early morning tomorrow.”
Jackie hums, and after a moment of silence, “do you like living there? In the trailer park?”
“Uhm, no,” Nat lets out a surprised chuckle, “why would I like living there?”
“No, I mean— I just—it’s home and all,“ she stumbles over her words, “and I just think about leaving sometimes, you know?”
“Yeah,” she slowly says and stares at Jackie’s family house, “I get that.”
“I know that I sound ungrateful but it’s hard to grow up here,” Jackie honestly explains, “and I also need to give my parents a fucking break; their whole lives are centered around me. We need some time apart.”
“I’m sure they don’t feel that way.”
“Doesn’t make it less true,” Jackie takes a deep breath.
“Leaving is nice but it’s not all that,” Nat admits.
“You left.” She points out.
“Yeah, but that’s because I…” she looks down at her boots, kicking gently at the ground, “I dunno. I was suffocated? Embarrassed? Desperate? I needed a fresh start.”
“Why’d you come back?” She earnestly asks without a trace of judgment.
Nat looks at her, wondering if it’s tactless to tell her that she was terrified of being a hopeless alcoholic that fools around with substance when she knows that person who hit the Taylor’s car that day was a drunk driver, “I was uhh—I was lonely,” she quietly admits instead, it’s not a lie either, “I wasn’t exactly the life of the party…I didn’t have an easy time being around pretty much anyone.”
“Is it less lonely here?”
She looks at Jackie’s eyes and wears half a smile, “yeah. I think it’s starting to be.”
Jackie beams at Nat beaconing their budding friendship. Admittedly, Jackie was worried that was being annoying this past week, “well, I can’t keep you hostage for any longer. I’ll let you be.”
Nat grins, “I’ll see you later, Jack.”
Jackie hesitates for a second before she stretches out her arms, not saying anything but asking for a hug. Nat leans down and gives her a really tight embrace happily.
“Drive home safe, okay?” Jackie pats on her back.
“I will.”
When she leaves, Nat watches Jackie from the side mirror as she goes back inside and shuts the door behind her. There’s an elation in her chest where a dread usually sits at this time of the night as the cool air tickles her neck while she drives, and despite herself, she lets out a small laugh.
Jackie’s parents should arrive back home soon, but she thinks that she’ll just call it a night for now; she is getting rather sleepy. She goes to put the plates and cutlery inside the dishwasher, and heads up to her bedroom. As much as Jackie wants to just hit the hay, she’s got a pretty serious nighttime routine that she’s committed to.
She can’t just pass out and sleep because she has some medicine to take, and when her Apple Watch rings, she goes to the bathroom and empties her bladder by self-catheterization like clockwork, which she didn’t even know about before the accident. Getting that thin tube inside her urethra used to be the most tedious thing in the world; it made her feel so uncomfortable and barely human but rather a machine.
It was the first thing she practically begged the nurse to teach her to do by herself, Jackie immediately grew restless over how much exposure and vulnerability she had to deal with when it came to self-care and hygiene post-accident. It messed with her more than the fact that she is, from now on, paralyzed.
But the discomfort turned into indifference soon enough. She could barely hold a pencil in the beginning let alone expertly insert a tube into her bladder, Jackie had to accept her reality before it swallowed her whole.
Relieving herself is still a tedious process; she can’t naturally do it without meds and tubes and gel and gloves, but the only thing that makes her go from absolutely hating it, to not feeling much about it, is the fact that she’s been doing it alone less than a year into the accident. For Jackie, will had a way, and it’s called shame and dignity for better or worse.
When she’s in her bed, she likes putting on quiet music to stretch out her feet and legs which help with the blood flow and muscles. She doesn’t have to do it twice a day, everyday, but she likes being diligent about it, so that if she misses a day, for any reason, it won’t be detrimental.
As she kneads her legs, she zones out and thinks about Nat. She’d be a good roommate, right? She’s not much different from high school, she even looks mostly the same, and she was always nice in her own way. That’s the thing, isn’t it? What made her trustworthy to Jackie; the fact that was always easy going and kind.
The fact that she didn’t walk on eggshells around Jackie or made her feel like a wounded puppy sealed the deal for her. She’s not sure if Nat realizes how much that meant to her.
Jackie plans on asking her about becoming roommates soon without making her feel like she’s being attacked or ambushed. Nat had a tendency to run when she’s cornered, Jackie knows as much.
__________
Natalie takes off her apron and unbuttons her white double breasted jacket to remove as she walks down the hallway to the small locker room, where she leaves her things, to grab her phone, lighter, and box of cigarettes.
And she uses this small break before preparing lunch to stand outside and let the nicotine relax her headache. A drag and leaning her head back on the wall, letting the sun shine on her face.
Ah, yes.
It’s probably been six-ish months since the last time she put alcohol or any shady looking pill in her system, and she’s been feeling a little too aware and present. The cigarettes are just a mercy to her at this point.
She’s not surprised when she sees a missed call and a text from jackie; it’s been two weeks since the night at her house, and they have hung out a couple of times since. Jackie even picked her up from work so they could have a late lunch together somewhere.
The text reads ‘call me when you’re done :)’
Natalie doesn’t even text back, she immediately calls and puts the phone on her ear.
“Hey,” Jackie’s cheerful voice almost immediately answers.
“Hey, Jackie,” she replies, “you answered a bit too quick.”
“Yeah, I’m in the car. I just left the gym,” she explains, “are you on a break?”
“Kinda. Just having a breather,” she lowers herself to sit on the ground.
“Smoking outside isn’t having a breather, Natalie,”
“Do you have any other friends?” She groans, “you know, to bother?”
“I have the same exact amount of friends as you,” Jackie says. That actually makes Nat laugh and she can literally see the smirk on her face.
“Fuck off,” she teases, “what’s up? Did you want anything?”
“Do you know any place where I can get a piercing that’s not a Claire’s?”
“Wanna pierce your nose, Taylor?”
“No, just another one in my ears.”
“I guess I can ask around.”
“Can you come with me? Today?”
“Sure but I don’t have a car.”
“I’ll pick you up after work.”
“No,” she shakes her head, “I smell like the kitchen and I didn’t pack any extra clothes. I’ll shower and you can come around 4 or 5.”
“Deal,” she excitedly says.
Nat thinks about it for a second before she says it, “and don’t worry about it. I’ll book your appointment and ask if they’re wheelchair friendly.”
“Really?” Jackie sounds really touched by the thoughtfulness.
“Yeah, I got it,” she presses the cigarette on the wall and flicks it away.
“Thanks, Nat.”
“It’s fine.”
When they end the phone call, Natalie goes back inside. The day feels a little less empty now that she has plans. don’t get her wrong, she actually likes working there, but after the bustling kitchen noises and constant movement, she goes home to absolute silence with no one really waiting for her… it’s jarring. If Jackie wasn’t totally joking about the ‘same amount of friends’ thing then dammit, they’re both kind of each other’s only available friend.
They go to The Black Owl where Natalie accompanied Van a few years ago to get a couple of tattoos. She hasn’t been inside since but she remembers it being clean, decent, and the staff was nice enough, also the yelp reviews were mostly positive. Nat already called to book the appointment, and was assured that place is accessible and that Jackie would be able to move comfortably.
Natalie pushes Jackie's wheelchair into the shop. She would’ve never dared to touch it beforehand out of fear of crossing boundaries, but Jackie just casually gave her the go-ahead because she was texting her cousin. To be fair, Nat’s never seen anyone push her chair for her, so maybe her being a little nervous isn’t all that misplaced.
When they’re inside, Nat lets go and she goes to check if they’re going in soon while Jackie’s just staring, wide-eyed, at the walls entirely covered with pictures, posters, and flags all the way up to the ceiling.
“Pretty cool, huh?“ Nat stands next to her looking around as well.
“Yeah,” she nods, “are we going in now?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Cool,” Jackie purses her lips.
“Are you sure about this?” Nat makes sure to double check.
“Yup, it’s just a piercing,” Jackie says confidently, “and it’s for new beginnings.”
“New beginnings?” she muses.
“I’ll get a full sleeve next time,” Jackie smiles at her.
“C’mon. Let's go,” Nat pats on her shoulders, and they pass through the arch entrance covered with thread-beaded curtains where they find a lady, presumably the one who’ll pierce Jackie’s ears, unboxing the kit and wearing her gloves.
“Hey. Name’s Sam. Nice to meet you,” she absentmindedly greets and then looks at them, “which one’s Natalie?”
“Oh, it’s me. But the appointment is for Jackie,” she points at her, “I just booked it under my name.”
“Okay, that’s alright,” she swivels in her stool, “how can I help you today?”
“I just want to pierce my earlobes.”
“Cool, so I can do it while you’re in your chair, it’s not a problem,” then Sam points towards the seat that looks like a dentist chair, “or if you want, you can go there. It’s your choice.”
The chair is slightly elevated, Jackie’s gonna need some help to transfer but it’s fine, Nat’s with her. So, she looks at her and says quietly, “I wanna get the whole experience.”
“Okay,” Nat just nods and follows her towards the seat.
“It’s higher than most seats so I’m gonna need your help.”
“Just tell me what to do, coach,” Nat jokes. Jackie’s relieved just how easy Nat makes it feel, but she doesn’t really move until Sam leaves the room to do some other thing, leaving them alone.
Jackie puts her wheelchair in parallel to the seat, “okay, so,” she puts an arm around Nat’s shoulders, “you hold my belt or waistband or whatever.” When Nat does so, Jackie presses her other palm on the seat, “the second I pull myself up, you just help lift me, okay?” She looks at her, slightly tense, “you’ll figure it out.”
“Right,” Nat nods, this is the first time Jackie’s asked for her help this closely. But it all happens in two seconds, one second she’s in her wheelchair, the other one she’s sitting on the seat with her feet dangling from it. She’s only momentarily taken aback by how light Jackie weighs in comparison to what she assumed, she hopes the sudden concern didn’t show in her face.
“There we go,” Jackie smiles proudly at herself and Nat’s success, “not bad,” almost talking to herself, scooching herself back and picking up her legs to rest on the long seat, “not bad,” she repeats again with a lower voice, catching up on her breath.
“Yeah,” she smiles back, and moves the wheelchair so it’s next to Jackie.
“You ready?” Sam comes back with the piercing gun, and Jackie slowly nods, “choose which stud you like.” Jackie chooses the white studs, not really caring since she’ll change them later on, “this will take a total of 20 seconds,” Sam approaches Jackie.
“Right,” she nods.
Natalie looks at Jackie, and she notices how she’s got her arm stretched to tightly grip on her wheelchair’s armrest while nervously biting her lips. While Nat knows an ear piercing just feels like a quick and hot pinch, she goes to offer her hand to Jackie.
Just awkwardly standing there with her hand out, and Jackie looks at her with surprise at first, then the most gentle and sincere small smile creeps on her face before she takes her hand.
“Here we go,” Sam goes in, and does the first ear. Jackie practically squishes Nat’s fingers and she remembers just how much of a gym freak Jackie is. Before Sam does the other ear, Nat sees that Jackie’s pointer finger and thumb aren’t fully closed so she takes her other hand to close Jackie’s entire fist for her until she’s done.
“You know, that wasn’t too terrible,” Jackie looks at herself in the small mirror that Sam gave.
“Yeah,” Nat massages her own hand and says sarcastically, “you were such a fucking trooper.”
Jackie sheepishly smiles at her and bumps her shoulder, “thanks.”
“New beginnings, huh?”
“Totally.”
Nat looks around the place and thinks that she wants a new beginning too, what if Jackie was on to something here?
Fuck it.
“Sam,” Nat calls out, “think you can squeeze me in for a piercing?”
“Yeah, totally. Earlobes too?“
“Yeah.”
Jackie surprisingly beams up at her, still in the seat, “you’re serious?”
Nat just shrugs.
“We’re gonna have matching earrings,” she claps her hands excitedly.
“New beginnings, right?”
Jackie only responds with a shoulder shrug and a grin.
They go to a cafe in the same block to try out their tiramisu. The place is nice; it’s got people coming and going, the view of the sun setting between buildings, and the dessert she’s sharing with Jackie is delightful. Nat likes how her life has been looking these past few weeks.
“Natalie?” Jackie starts.
“Hmm?”
“I wanna ask you something,” she says, “it’s been on my mind for a bit.”
“Okay…” she slowly says, unable to guess what she might be talking about.
“Remember when I told you about how I think about moving out?” Jackie recalls. There isn’t a trace of the usual sarcastic tone here.
“Yeah.”
“Well, my parents own this apartment downtown, not so far from here, and no one lives in it,” she explains, “it’s fully furnished, and it’s pretty close to pretty much anywhere that I usually go to…I want to move there.”
“You do?” Nat asks surprised, “will you…move in?”
“Actually,” she sheepishly says, as if guilty of something, “This is where you come in.”
It takes Natalie a moment to connect the dot and understand what Jackie’s about to say.
“My parents won’t let me move unless I find a good roommate,” Jackie looks at her in the eyes, “I think you’d be a great one. So, I’m here to ask you if you’d like to live with me.”
“Are you being for real?” She tilts her head.
“Totally,” Jackie nods, “and you won’t have to pay rent, it’s owned, and you’d have your own room. You just need to exist, I guess.”
“Jack,” she sighs and runs a hand through her blonde hair, “this is a bit too easy. I dunno.”
“I don’t wanna seem desperate,” she pleads, “but please, just think about it. Don’t dismiss it immediately.”
“I feel like I’m being punk’d,” Nat lightly laughs, “what do you mean you’re giving me a room in your nice apartment downtown?”
“Punk’d? What year is this?” Jackie teases.
“Shut up.”
“Okay, Nat,” Jackie taps her fingers on the table, “you’re my friend, and I trust you. I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t trust you. Obviously you can say no, I won’t be offended but please, think about it genuinely.”
Nat doesn’t say anything, a million scenarios are running through her head. But she’ll admit that hearing Jackie say that she trusts her does make her feel good.
“I think we could both benefit from this,” Jackie smiles, “I mean a fresh start but not going very far and it’s closer to your work. You won’t be bound to a contract or anything, I won’t do it unless you do it with me.”
“So it’s Nat or bust?” Natalie smirks.
“Exactly, Nat or bust,” she firmly nods, “but there’s two requirements.”
“And they are?”
“You’d be doing most of the cooking,” Jackie says, “I don’t do well with hot pots and pans.”
“Easy. And two?”
“Can you carry me?”
“Carry You?”
“Yeah, I mean what if something happens where you have to carry me?” Jackie says quietly, almost embarrassed at the reveal that maybe things aren’t always happy and jolly, “hello? Legs don’t work.”
“I think I can,” Nat nods, but then she contemplates before asking, “are there things that— I dunno, you need special help with?”
“Not really but it’s hard to explain,” Jackie elaborates, “everyday looks different but some days it’s hard for me to get in and out of my chair, sometimes it’s hard to reach for things or do some chores, but you won’t be getting into the nitty-gritty, that’s on me, even now at home.”
Nat hums, it sounds reasonable enough. The prospect of living together doesn’t bother her, it’s just too fucking easy, again.
“Can I sleep on it?” She sincerely asks, “I dunno, the whole ‘not even paying for it’ makes me uncomfortable, I gotta think about it.”
“I get it,” Jackie accepts, “I won’t be paying for rent either but if you’re fucking eager, I can leave the water and electricity bills on you.”
Nat laughs, again wondering how easy things seem to flow between the both of them.
“Okay, fine. I’ll think about it and get to you next week,” Nat says, “how about that?”
“Next week,” Jackie takes it with a smile.
__________
Natalie lets go of the breath she had been unknowingly holding when she walks towards the trailer and all the lights are off.
Good. She’s not here. Today isn’t the day.
It’s been three days since Jackie’s offer, and she’s been seriously weighing the pros and cons of it all. Deep inside, she knows that she wants to but the way it’s all presented to her makes feel a certain way. What if they’re absolutely incompatible as roommates and it ruins their friendship? What if it does come across like leeching on her end? What if Jackie changes her mind?
But what if it works perfectly well? And they’re both happy? That’s also a possibility, right?
She just needs something to evict her from this trailer once and for all.
And timing is a funny thing, because when she enters and tries to turn on the lights, they don’t open. She keeps flipping the switch on and off, “fucking bitch!” She frustratingly whines. When it finally opens, it only lasts two seconds because it suddenly zaps and flickers until it completely burns out in a matter of moments.
Yeah, no. Fuck this. I’m not staying here. Good fucking riddance.
Natalie immediately picks up her phone and calls Jackie without even thinking about it. That’s it.
“Hello?”
“Jackie?”
“I’ll do it. We’ll move in together,” she says loud and clear.
“Really?” Jackie excitedly asks, “are you a hundred percent sure?”
“A thousand percent.”
“Oh my god, holy shit,” she responds, “so we’re seriously signing the contract?“
“I thought I wasn’t bound to a contract ?” Nat smirks.
“It’s an imaginary one!”
“Then, okay. I’ll sign your imaginary one.”
“You won’t regret it, Nat,” Jackie promises, “I swear.”
Nat doesn’t say anything, she looks at the gloomy trailer around, ready to say goodbye.
“New beginnings, right?”
“Exactly,” she can hear Jackie smiling, “new beginnings.”