Chapter Text
"No, please Mother, no.”
Yes . The shadows sang.
Azriel’s eyes were wide, hands shaking slightly. This couldn’t be happening. But Eris Vanserra’s face was the mirror of his own, complete and utter shock. He couldn’t stop looking at him. Fuck.
“What’s happened?” Cassian thundered, going to reach for Azriel. As he reached his brother's side he seemed to stumble back slightly.
“What is it?” Rhys demanded, equal parts worried about his brothers outburst and annoyed that their meeting with the Autumn Heir was dragging on longer than necessary.
“They’re - I - they’re mates. I can smell the bond.” Cassian raised a hand to cover his nose, looking mistified.
“Of course they aren’t.” Feyre breathed out a laugh. Her eyes darted nervously between Eris, Azriel, and the solemn, tight lipped expression Rhys now wore.
Please. Please. It can’t be true . But the elder Autumn’s eyes hadn’t left Azriel’s yet.
Mate. Mate. Mate. The shadows whispered. He felt something pull deep within himself. It felt almost like a tether, a rope, around his soul. He had to stop himself from physically moving towards the source - the male standing in front of him. It was a connection he could feel and just barely visualize in his mind, a gold band. It connected him to Eris. He reached out to it, yanking.
Eris seemed to inhale sharply, as if he finally believed it to be true, hand flying to his heart. Azriel himself couldn’t quite give up hope just yet. Please, he pleaded one more time. He was going to explode. This couldn’t be happening. They had known each other for nearly five hundred years, interacted on dozens of occasions…why would the mating bond reveal itself now?
“It would appear that the general is correct.” Eris said slowly, schooling his features into a mask of amusement. He picked lint from his impeccably tailored sleeve. “This is an interesting twist, I’ll admit I didn’t see it coming.”
Eris was smirking at him, at all of them. Bastard.
Mate, the shadows corrected. He wanted to smack them.
No. Azriel couldn’t take it. Wouldn’t. He turned on his heel and started for the door. He had to get out. He didn’t want to be here. He wanted to slip into a shadow and land far, far away. Rhys grabbed his arm on the way out. His grip was like a vice.
“Az, wait.” Rhys was looking at him with pity. Fucking pity.
“Get your hands off of me.” Azriel threw as much dark energy as he could into the words, his shadows coiled to strike. Rhys saw the steel in his eyes and gently released him, taking a step back with his hands raised.
“Az, we need to talk about this…” Rhys warned. Azriel let out a loud laugh, startling everyone in the room.
“What could we possibly need to talk about? Of course we’re going to reject it, find some sort of way to get rid of it.”
“We can’t do that.” Eris said, everyone turning to face the Autumn heir. His amber eyes burned into Azriel before flicking to Rhys.
“Why the fuck not?” Azriel gritted, refusing to look at his mate, he could barely stomach the thought. This male was his mate. Feyre made a small, surprised sound at the aggression in his tone. Nesta looked like she approved.
“Rejected mating bonds can drive either party to insanity, especially when they’re newly snapped into place. I can’t have that happen.” He met the eyes of everyone in the room, punctuating each word with a hard stare.
“I don’t care.” Azriel said quietly but no less deadly than before. He didn’t care what Eris wanted. Let Eris go insane, he couldn’t be any worse than he already was.
“Your court bargained to support me when I take high lord from my father. This whole... ordeal…could weaken me.” He said, disgust evident on his face as he moved his hand to gesture between himself and Azriel. “If my brothers caught wind of any weakness…”
“He’s right, Az.” Azriel's gaze shot to Rhys, he couldn’t keep the betrayal from seeping onto his face. Rhys was his brother, he shouldn’t be siding with the enemy, who was, decidedly in this moment, Eris Vanerra. “There’s no point in risking driving yourself insane. We need you. You’ll be in the Night Court, Eris will be in Autumn. You’ll barely see each other - it will be fine.”
“I'll still...feel it.” Azriel let out a laugh, looking incredulous as he ran his scarred hands through his dark shags of hair. “I have a mate. I actually have a mate. And it's him. Fucking Eris Vanserra, what a massive joke.”
“I’m not exactly thrilled about our predicament either, Shadowsinger. But as long as word of this does not leave this room, as far as I’m concerned, the bond does not exist.”
“Finally, something we can agree on.” Azriel gave Eris a leveling look. His apparent mate broke eye contact and without another word, winnowed away.
Apologize. Mate. Azriel ignored the shadows and let out a long sigh, leaning against the wall to rub at his temples. What would Mor think? He hadn’t even considered her… or Elain.
“Az…” Cassian started. Azriel held up his hand.
“I don’t want to talk about it. Ever.” Azriel looked at Feyre and Rhys from across the room. Nesta had her hand on Cassian's arm. “It’s not fair.” He whispered. Silence. The Mother had all matched them with their perfect equals. He was a fool to think that love could ever be a part of his life. He had waited, hoped his whole life that he would find a mate. Dared to hope that since Rhys and Cassian had found theirs, there was someone for him too. Maybe that someone could have been Elain. Why couldn’t he have just had the beautiful and gentle Archeron sister? Why was she mated to Lucien - his own mate's brother. It was so horribly unfair.
The weight of their eyes on him was too much to bear. Azriel took a few steadying breaths. He had survived much worse in his very long life. He still had his family, the people he loved surrounded him. All that had happened was a minute feeling deep in his chest that connected his soul to the soul of another. It could be ignored easily. Right? He didn’t have to accept or reject it, just live with it. He had a talent for “living” with things he wished he could change. Mor and Elain were good evidence of that. He relaxed his face, reverting to his display of tired emotionlessness that had become his norm.
“I’m fine.” He said, finally breaking the silence. “I’m going to the cabin for a few days, but really, I’m fine. I just need some time to adjust.” They all shook their heads, understanding written across their features. “Tell the rest of the Inner Circle,” He couldn’t bring himself to say the females names. “I don’t want to be spoken to about it from this moment onward.”
Fucking Eris Vanserra, what a massive joke. The Shadowsinger's words rang in his ears. He can’t fathom why they stung him. It’s not like he was thrilled to be mated to him either. In fact, he found their whole little group insufferable. Full of self righteous bullshit, genuinely believing that they were the uncontested heroes of every story. Not to mention he remembers being tackled to the ground by said Shadowsinger because he was clearly, and desperately, in love with Eris’s former fiancé. So perhaps he was right, it was a massive joke - a complete and utter mess at the very least.
But something about his words had Eris’s stomach sinking, blood boiling. Eris was to be a high lord, and he wasn’t an unattractive male, he had that on good authority. Not to mention he was, technically, a Night Court ally. There were worse people for the spymaster to be mated to. He cast those thoughts aside, no need to be arguing a case for himself when the last thing he wanted was to be mated - to anyone.
He needed to make sure no one found out, he’d have to play the game even more carefully than he already did. His brothers couldn’t know, and certainly not his father. Beron had always despised Thesan, High Lord of Dawn, and his mate - his very male mate. He would make vulgar jokes about how weak he must be if he was letting another male give it to him up the ass, especially ones with disgusting lesser fae wings. If he found out that his own son, and apparent heir, had a winged male mate of his own it might be the signature on his death warrant. Fuck . Eris had not worked this hard for this long to have the stupid fucking Night Court ruin it all like they always did.
He had reached his mothers room, hesitating slightly, making sure his collar was buttoned. He rapped on the door and the wisp of a serving girl that attended to his mother, Zephyr, scanned behind him.
“Hello, my lord. The Lady was just sitting down to tea.” She said once she found him to be alone, shoulders sagging with relief.
“Thank you, Zephyr. You may leave us.” He didn’t say it sternly. He liked Zephyr. She was kind to his mother, a woman so changed from the one he once knew.
Zephyr nodded and stepped aside to allow him entry. The fire roared in its hearth in fierce contrast to the woman that sat before it. She was working on some embroidery he’d never seen before. He distantly recalled another time, when she had embroidered a trunk full of linen depicting the most vibrant scenes of Autumn. She had done it all for Morrigan, when she was his intended. He wondered where it all went. What a waste of time it was.
“My son.” The Lady of Autumn stood to greet him, opening her arms. He walked into them gladly, holding her frame loosely as if he might break her. He loved his mother, truly he did, more than anyone else at this blasted court. But he resented her too. Resented this simpering shell of a person she'd become. Resented the fact that she had not once stood between him and Beron’s wrath. Resented that he’d had to practically raise Lucien on his own after she withdrew into herself…But then again maybe it was because she reminded him of his own failings. How he’d failed to protect himself, to protect her, to protect his brothers…
Pouring tea for both of them he settled beside her on the plush loveseat, rubbing his temples lightly. It wouldn’t do to revisit the past, especially when the present had just become that much more complicated.
“It’s been quite the day…”