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Sun Jae woke up feeling some movement around him. He was very comfortable and felt like he had had the best sleep in years, so his body was hesitant to pull out of this state. He readjusted himself with a groan and subconsciously hugged his arms tighter around… Sol. And that thought immediately tugged him back to the land of consciousness. He peered his eyes open, praying and praying that his Sol is still in arms and time hadn’t stole her from him.
The first thing his eyes laid upon were the eyes that made him fall in love one too many times now and relief flooded his system. He hadn’t even realized how tensed his body had got in the last minute. When his brain had settled into the idea that his Sol is here, it catches up to how her eyes are filled with tears. He had seen her cry so many times before but somehow it never got any less heartbreaking to witness.
He instinctively pulled her closer to his chest and leaned his head back to look her in the eyes, “Sol-ah why are you crying? I’m right here.”
“Exactly, you are right here, next to me. I spent the last 15 years preventing this exact scenario, that though I’m so happy, a part of me still wonders if I’m putting you in danger.”
“Kim Young Soo is dead, and that is a version of the future we never got to live in. Have faith in me, I will live long this time.”
And that was definitely the wrong thing to say, as Sol sobs uncontrollably now. She hits his chest and exclaims in between her sobs, “That’s what you said last time and I had to see you die in front of my eyes! I knew then that as long as you met me, your choice would always be to save me and I could not have live with that. How can I?! You might hate me for changing your life and taking you away from the life you had once lived, but I had no other choice!”
“Sol-ah, look at me” as he titled her by nudging her chin towards him, “20 year old Sunjae from the last timeline was too young and haughty. He hadn’t lived through the agony of failing to save the one he loves. He didn’t experience the depression 37 year old Sunjae felt, regretting how if I had woken you up earlier or if I had gotten down from the bus with you… if only I had ran faster, I could have saved you! He didn’t understand what it felt like to stand outside the hospital room, hearing you say I should have just let you die. So, 20 year old Sunjae could only see as far as saving you, but couldn’t understand what it would do to you, leaving you behind, dooming you to live a life where you failed to save the one you love.
But Sol-ah, I’m now the 18 year old who failed to save you, 37 year who had to live with the fact you will never know me as anything more than an idol, as well as the 20 year who got to glimpse at what life with you could be like and could only focus on saving you. And with all this knowledge I promise you, no matter what happens, I will not leave you alone, because I also know what being left behind without you feels like. In this lifetime, I will ensure that we both live so neither of us have to experience the torture of being the only one who remembers. This is my promise to you.
So don’t concern yourself with whether I hate you for erasing yourself from my life, because more than anyway else, I understand. And don’t worry about me dying, not because I’m confident I can save you, rather I’m reassured that we will save each other, whatever comes, just like we have so far.
Whatever happens, find me in the end like this and I will hold your hand tightly and love you till the end. Because to me, every moment with you is a gift from the skies, like a sudden shower in a hot summer day.” Sunjae was now in tears but he took Sol’s hand on his chest and pulled it to his lips to drop a kiss on them. Sol had stopped sobbing but silent tears were falling from her eyes as she listened to him, in rapt attention. He looked her in the eye, wishing he could communicate his commitment and how serious he was about it, just through his eyes.
Maybe his determination did reach Sol, because she wiped her tears and leaned into him to press a light kiss on his lips. And when she leaned back, there was resoluteness in her eyes, he recognized from many times she traveled back in time, to him in the past. “You’re right, this time I will do everything possible to ensure that we can be together. So Sunjae-ah, you too don’t have to worry about me leaving again. You don’t have to get up in panic to make sure I’m still here.”
Sunjae smiled through his bleary eyes. One thing that all past versions of him had underestimated was how much Sol loved him. He had been used to being in an one-sided love in every timeline and had always believed he would be the one more dedicated between the pair of them. But he had failed to see the extent of how self-sacrificing Sol’s love could be when she had to save him.
He pulled her into a deep kiss this time, vowing to himself he will not let the despair of his past selves take over the happiness of this moment. This is what Sol deserved after 15 years of looking at him from afar and he deserved after 15 years of looking at her from afar and 15 years of not remembering her.
“So you’re saying I should go back to sleep hugging my Sol, then” as he shifted onto his back and lifted her on top of him in one swoop.
This got a surprised laugh out of her, and hearing it, Sunjae also laughs.
They both knew they would live laughing like this as long as they could, as long as they were allowed.