Chapter Text
John waited for the crowd of classmates to clear out from around the paper taped to the chalkboard that held the assigned year-long lab partners for the highest advancement of a chemistry class his university had to offer. John has taken chemistry continuously throughout his academic career and those classes prepared him (or they at least should have) for this class but nothing prepared him for getting a randomly assigned partner for the whole year. When registering for the class, John had to agree to complete a research project with his assigned partner that would be presented at the end of the year to their class and the science department as a whole. It is nerve-racking for John. If he gets a bad partner he won’t be able to do his research and if he doesn’t do his research he won’t be able to graduate.
John stood in front of the paper after everyone cleared out and searched for his name but before he found it he heard it be said from behind him. John turned around and was met with a man a head taller than him and a cold stare. “John Watson?”
“Yeah.”
“Here’s my number.” the man handed John a piece of paper that was ripped out from the corner of a notebook. “I won’t be able to meet until next week.”
John took the piece of paper. “Okay.”
The man turned around and made a b-line for the exit, leaving without looking back. John turned around and searched for his name again, finding it and discovering who it was he had just spoken to.
Sherlock Holmes.
John groaned softly in frustration, already knowing about the reputation Sherlock holds at their university, especially after he had been accused of murdering a girl last year because he broke into a fresh crime scene and ‘solved’ it before proper authority had arrived. Sherlock was proven innocent but people still talked about it along with a bunch more crazy accusations of murdering or harming people. It will be fine. It’s just a year and if John happens to get murdered, he gets murdered. At least dead John wouldn’t have to worry about working with Sherlock.
“Heard you got paired with Homicide Holmes,” Greg said from the couch when John entered their flat.
John toed his shoes off, picking them up and setting them neatly on the shoe rack that housed his regular three pairs next to the pile of loose shoes that belong to Greg. “How’d you hear?”
“Molly.”
“Are you still messing around with her?” John asked as he walked to the couch. “Leave the poor girl alone. You’ve done enough damage to her after forgetting about her on your last ‘date’ after you saw the game on at some pub.”
“We talked about it and decided we’re better as friends.”
“Was that before or after you insulted the jumper she knitted for you?”
“Please don’t remind me about that.”
“I will because you keep leading her on whether you think you are or not. She doesn’t deserve that.”
“How about we talk about your chances of getting murdered instead of my poor decisions?”
John scoffed. “You don’t even know the bloke. Frankly, no one does so why do you just assume those things?”
“Because it’s true. He was there when they found the body, Sally said she saw him go out the window before the police got in.”
“I’ve heard about a hundred different stories from that night and all of them are different.”
“But they’re all about the same thing. Holmes is a freak, mate. A creepy sadistic psychopath.”
“Your ignorance is showing more than ever, Greg,” John said as he walked to his room.
Greg got off the couch and followed John. “I don’t want you to die.”
“That’s the least of your worries right now,” John said as he took his laptop from his bookbag and set it on his desk.
“John, I’m serious. He’s bad news.”
“Seriously, Greg?”
“Yes!”
“Think you’re the crazy one, mate.” John sat in his desk chair.
“I’m being realistic.”
“Look, as far as I’m concerned, he hasn’t done anything to me, or to you, or to anyone I care about so he’s still got a green card in my book. I don’t care what people say until I experience him firsthand. If he turns out to be what people say then congratulations, you being a dickhead finally found an appropriate time.”
Greg huffed out a sigh, crossing his arms over his chest.
“What?” John asked, not in the mood for Greg’s childish attitude for the night.
“Mum is coming for dinner Friday.”
“I’ll make sure to invite Sherlock.”
“Not funny. What do we want to do?”
“Well, she’s been coming every other Friday for maybe the last four months so I’d say whatever we normally do since she hates it when you cook and I have to work.”
“Do you really?”
“Yes.”
“I told her you would cook.”
“Greg.”
“I thought you would be done with shifts. You said you were going to to spend time on your research.”
John put his face in his hands and sighed deeply. “Okay.” he looked at Greg. “I will cook on Friday but you have to help me shop. Get out of my room.”
Greg smiled brightly. “You’re the best.” he left John’s room, closing the door behind him.
John got up from his desk and went to his bed, flopping down onto his stomach and groaning in irritation into his duvet, getting out his frustration towards Greg and the stress of doing research with Sherlock already building up in him. As John reflected on his day he remembered the phone number in his pocket. He rolled over, reaching into the front pocket of his jeans to pull out his phone and the crumbled piece of paper that was handed to him.
This is John. When will you be able to meet next week?
John didn’t get a text back until three days later after he sent a follow-up text about meeting.
Wednesday at 20:00 in the chemistry lab. -SH
John received the text late on his way home from working his last clinical shift until the holiday break came around. He knew he would be too busy with actually conducting research to work at the hospital, especially if Sherlock makes a habit of meeting that late. John felt he made a good choice to stop working, he could feel frustration bubbling inside of him after learning that Sherlock signs his texts. Who the hell even does that?
On the scheduled meeting on Wednesday, John arrived at the lab early to sit down and get a headstart on his homework while waiting for Sherlock to show up which turned into an hour of waiting. John had lost track of time but when he looked at his clock he grew irritated that Sherlock hadn’t shown up yet.
Where are you?
Be there in ten. -SH
John set his phone down and put his face into his hands, sighing deeply and telling himself it would be fine and that everything always works out in the end one way or another.
“You’re almost two hours late,” John said when Sherlock walked into the lab.
“Doesn’t matter.”
“Yes, it does. I have a life, ya know? I can’t sit here for two hours this late waiting for you to show up.”
“Oh, please. What else do you have going on on a Wednesday night?”
“Relaxing and not sitting in a lab this late.”
Sherlock scoffed.
John rested his elbows on the table and his face in his hands as he calmed the frustration rising in his body.
“You won’t be able to switch partners,” Sherlock said. “Everyone either hates me or thinks I’m a murderer including Frye. No one will want to switch and even if you begged on your knees Frye would deny your request.”
John looked at Sherlock. “How’d I get so lucky?”
“I’ve only got fifteen minutes. Make it useful and not a waste of my time.”
“Are you kidding? You were late and what could you possibly have going on this late?”
“Relaxing.”
John scoffed. “You’re extremely difficult to get along with, you know that?”
“Yes. Are you done with your tantrum? We need to figure out what we’re going to research.”
“Fine. Did you bring anything with you?”
“Why would I? You brought all yours.”
John sighed deeply, opening his laptop that he was ready to pack away, and created a new document to type out the ideas Sherlock was spitting out, barely able to keep up with the flow of words. They ended up staying in the lab for another hour, agreeing on what their research will be about after a heated debate. It wasn’t a bad debate. Sherlock insisted that they should do his idea but John didn’t want to and offered his ideas and after Sherlock realizing John had a good idea about blending their main ideas into one. Before they left for the night they agreed on a hypothesis and a timeline for the next six months of what they want to have accomplished by certain times.
“I’m sorry if I upset you earlier,” Sherlock said as they walked out of the academic building where the lab was located.
“It’s fine.”
“If we’re going to be working together all year I need to be somewhat tolerable. Neither of us wants to fail this class.”
“Are you even sure Frye will let you pass? With being all difficult and continuously correcting him.”
“He wouldn’t need to be corrected if he was right.”
John huffed out a laugh. “You sure are something, I’ll give you that.”
“A genius?”
“Don’t flatter yourself. Just a nosey know-it-all.”
“I try my hardest.”
John held the exit door open for Sherlock. “I’m gonna get a bite to eat if you want to come with.”
“Not sick of me yet?”
“Not quite.”
It surprisingly wasn’t too late for them to find a decent place to eat that was open all night. It was near campus so John wouldn’t have a long walk back to his flat and the bonus of finding a new favorite place to eat sandwiches that were created by the food gods. They took a table in the back of the shop where John happily indulged in his sandwich while Sherlock picked at his.
“Could you be any more messy?” Sherlock asked as John wiped his mouth and hands with a napkin after devouring his sandwich and eating the fixings that fell out of the bread with his fingers.
“I haven’t eaten since lunch.” John took a sip of his drink. “Suppose you were late due to eating dinner.” he pointed at Sherlock’s sandwich with a small bite taken out of it.
“No. Just not hungry.”
John leaned back in his chair. “If we’re going to be working together all year I need to get to know you.” he plucked a chip into his mouth.
“Depends on what you ask.”
“What’s your major?”
“Chemistry and forensic science with criminology. You are chemistry and pre-med already working clinicals as a head start to the med school you’ve been accepted into.”
“Pull my file?”
“You keep your badge in your wallet to keep it close and if you get called in you have it.”
“Alright smart-ass,” John leaned forward and rested his elbows on the table. “What else do you know?” he asked and ate another chip.
“You want to go into surgery based on how trimmed you keep your nails and the dexterity of your fingers. You just recently stopped your shifts at the hospital because you are genuine about taking this research properly and knew you couldn’t handle both at the same time. You keep your hair trimmed, clothes perfectly folded, shoes uncreased and your posture says you were a child of a military parent, most likely your father. All of your obsessive compulsive habits were built into you and you will never be able to get rid of them because you thrive off of routine.”
“How do I know you haven’t been stalking me?”
“Maybe I have been. You live with Greg Lestrade. He talks about how you two have known each other for ages, even calls you his brother, and complains about how you prefer to work rather than be with him. Can’t blame you there. You limit yourself when drinking, your father is an alcoholic and you try your best to not follow in his footsteps. You’ve cut ties with your family because of your father’s addiction and your brother’s.”
“Sister,” John corrected.
“Your mother passed away when you were young and that’s when things went bad. I’ve caused you some frustration, haven’t I?” Sherlock asked when he noticed the look on John’s face change from a bright one to a more solemn one.
“How can you tell?”
“You come back and forth with eye contact and slightly furrowed brows.”
“Yeah, well, most people don't know about my family and I like it that way.”
“Abusive fa-”
“Stop.”
Sherlock closed his mouth and looked down at his sandwich, holding back what deductions he wanted to say but realized John could and would beat him up if he continued making comments about his family. “You prefer craft over draft beer,” Sherlock said, noticing John’s face lighten up a bit.
“Guessing now?”
“You were eyeing the selection but they didn’t have anything you like.”
“I’m allowed to be picky.”
“Never said you weren’t.”
“How do you know all of this?”
“It’s easy to observe. Keeps me entertained in this utterly boring world.”
John huffed out a laugh. “You are incredibly brilliant.”
“That’s not what most people say.”
“What do they say?”
“Piss off.”
John giggled which made Sherlock laugh softly, his normal flat lips curling into a smile. John is the first person who hasn’t insulted him out of anger for his deductions. It was a pleasant feeling that would hopefully last through the year and possibly after they graduate.
“Did you really kill that girl last year?” John asked.
“Even if I did they wouldn’t be able to prove it. I am a genius after all.”
“But really.”
“No. The only person I would kill is Frye. Even then he’s not worth the years I’d be locked away.”
“Surely you’d be able to cover your tracks being a genius and all.”
“Most people call me a psychopath.”
John laughed which caused Sherlock to smile.
They left the shop after John had finished the last of his chips and Sherlock’s crisps through light-hearted conversations about anything they decided. As they walked their separate ways home, they thought about being stuck together for a year as lab partners. It seems to be off to a good start but keeping it that way is something Sherlock hopes to be able to maintain.
“Greg!” John called out when he entered the flat Friday afternoon after going to the shop to get items for dinner. John closed the door with his foot, his hands full of bags since he picked up more than he planned. Greg was supposed to meet John but stood John up and didn’t respond to texts or calls. “Greg!” John shouted, louder and more irritated than before.
John set all the groceries on the counter, freeing his arms, and going to Greg’s room, opening the door and turning the light on. “Get up!” he shouted at the lump under Greg’s blankets. “Are you fucking kidding me?” he went to the bed and pulled the blankets off of Greg. “Get up! For fuck’s sake, Greg. Come on!”
Greg rolled onto his back, rubbing his eyes.
“Can’t do a single fucking thing I ask. Get up and start cleaning. Your mum will be here at six.”
John stormed out of Greg’s room, going to the kitchen to start unpacking and put away all the groceries. It took Greg almost twenty minutes to come out of his room and another ten for him to shower. John wanted to beat Greg’s head in with a frying pan but calmed himself down when he realized Mrs. Lestrade does the best shouting at Greg and usually puts him back in his place.
John met Greg when they were sixteen stuck outside a pub watching a rugby match. Greg went on about how his brothers kicked him out for not liking the same team and continued to talk, not letting John get a word in but John didn’t mind. John stayed quiet for the first few weeks of their friendship, even after Greg invited John over for dinner and out to play rugby or football. They didn’t go to the same school, Greg lived on the other side of the city but John didn’t mind making the walk if that meant he didn’t have to be home. The night John showed up at Greg’s house after midnight with a bloody face was the night John spoke just enough for Mrs. Lestrade to know she needed to take in the boy like one of her sons. Greg had an understanding of John’s home life but never asked questions and played along like John was his brother, letting him in on everything about his family.
They decided to go to the same university, working their way from roommates to flatmates over time. Now it is their final year and John doesn’t think he can live another year with Greg. He does love Greg like a brother and loves the Lestrade family way more than his own but you can only live with your brother for so long before you grow sick of him. Greg is still stuck in his teen years, acting immature and not making the right decisions that will benefit him in the future. John can’t live with someone like that when he is ready to start his life after graduation, especially since he got accepted into medical school early and plans on going without Greg.
“Mrs. Lestrade,” John said with an excited smile as she walked around her son who opened the door and to John, pulling him into a tight embrace.
“How are you? How is it having a break from work? Research going well?” She asked rapidly.
“It’s all good. Nice to have a break. We haven’t exactly started on the research but I’m excited to.”
“Who’d you get partnered with?”
“His name’s Sherlock. Incredibly smart bloke. I’m excited to get to work with him.”
“He’s bad news, mum,” Greg said. “I’ve been trying to tell him.”
“Hush, Greg. John has always had good intuition about people.”
John smiled. “Just finished with dinner.”
“I’ve been thinking about this all day. Quite the chef you are. Giving lessons to Greg?”
“I try.”
“I can’t help it I’m just not good at it.”
“But you try,” John said. “That’s what’s important.”
“I sliced the vegetables,” Greg said to his mom, proud of himself. “And set the table. Folded the napkins all fancy.”
Mrs. Lestrade smiled at her son. “Looks fantastic, hun. You did good.”
Greg smiled brightly, blushing at his mom's endearment. He pulled out a chair for her and pushed her in as John served her a plate of food.
John knew Mrs. Lestrade preferred him over her son on most days. Greg is her middle son and knows how often he is forgotten but also knows how much of a problem he can be at times. She never said it out loud, but John knew it after she would spend their dinners hinting to Greg that he needs to get his act together and be more like John. John felt guilty about it, but she does with his older brothers and his younger ones who all know what they want in life while Greg does what he wants and doesn’t worry about the consequences. To Mrs. Lestrade, John is the alternate universe version of her son but she loves her son. Every poor quality about him along with the better ones that makes him a decent man still trying to navigate his life.
Tuesdays and Thursdays became John and Sherlock’s normal meeting time for the first few weeks of the semester until their research started picking up, meeting almost every weeknight. It was always Sherlock’s preference of working late at night, telling John it made him think better and John went along with it, not minding it for as much as he complained about it. After every meeting, they would stop at the sandwich shop they ate at the first night to the point where the workers knew their orders and roughly the time they came in so their sandwiches would be ready by the time they arrived. Sherlock started paying for John most nights because John would be fed up with Sherlock by the end of their meetings and if there was one way to make John happy, it is with food.
It was a challenge for John to keep up with Sherlock and his high-functioning thought process and “massive intellect” that he “flaunted around just to piss people off.” Sherlock bought John a beer that night as an unspoken apology, it wasn’t John’s favorite but he forgave Sherlock after having him buy him a second. John started to enjoy Sherlock’s company after their first week together. Sherlock is one of a kind with his massive intellect and sarcastic banter they were able to have made John start to grow fond of the man everyone called a psychopath and ‘Homicide Holmes.’
“I’m not bothered by it,” Sherlock said after someone had shouted it at him as he and John walked across campus one day to stop John from going off on the person who had said it.
“They shouldn’t be calling you that.”
“People shouldn’t speak at all in general.”
“Even me?”
“The world be awful if it was completely silent.”
John got to know more about the so-called psychopath that proved Sherlock not to be a psychopath but was a normal person with feelings and emotions, personal preferences and flaws like everyone else he just preferred to keep to himself. Sherlock prefers silence when a certain time hits while working, only uses a specific brand of pen, mutters things softly to himself when he’s concentrating, eats more when he’s relaxed, stops and pets every dog he comes across, silently gets upset when something doesn’t come out right and will leave the lab to take a short walk to calm down.
Before midterms Sherlock invited John to start working at his flat, telling John he was sick of working in the campus lab and needed to get away before he blew it up (he did almost blow it up one night messing around with things he shouldn’t have been when John had left to go to the toilet).
“What the hell?” John shouted when he walked back into the lab, seeing the flame on the table growing higher while Sherlock stood admiring it.
The fire alarm started blaring along with the sprinklers creating a downpour on them to put the fire out that didn’t seem to be growing any weaker by the sprinklers. John grabbed the fire extinguisher on the wall, putting out the fire and holding himself back from beating Sherlock with the metal canister.
“What is wrong with you!” John shouted over the water drenching them and the alarm blaring.
“Oops!” Sherlock flashed John a nervous smile.
John realized the extent of their situation and dropped the extinguisher, racing to the table where their work was laid out, wet and ruined. He picked up what he could with Sherlock’s help, racing through the building and outside where it was dry and the sound of first responders neared them.
“You’re a fucking idiot,” John said, dropping everything he was holding to the ground. “You didn’t think to do that under the hood?” his face grew red with anger as he looked at Sherlock, but went back to its normal shade when he realized Sherlock was holding his laptop. “My laptop, Sherlock,” John said as he took it, opening it and watching water pour out of it. “Christ, look what you’ve done.”
Sherlock watched John crouch down, setting his broken laptop on the ground after trying to turn it on. John put his face in his hands, concealing the anger he wanted to release on Sherlock the more he grew aware that he is soaking wet, his laptop is broken, and they would have to explain to the firefighters and the school why they set the fire alarm off at midnight.
“I’m-”
“Don’t,” John said. “Shut up.” he stood up and took a deep breath. “Just shut up.”
Sherlock kept his mouth shut but took responsibility of explaining what happened to the firefighters, getting them to believe it was an accident, which it partially was because Sherlock didn’t know the full extent of how big the flame would get. Sherlock took all the blame, meeting with the university board since he did cause damage to the lab that were minor to Sherlock but a big deal to the university. Sherlock made sure John didn’t have to get involved in anything but kept John updated on everything. The agreement with the university was that Sherlock was no longer allowed to use any lab on campus without the supervision of a professor and he would partially pay for the damages instead of being put on academic probation.
Moving to Sherlock’s flat was the best thing that happened. It was far more relaxing being in a home where John could stretch out on the sofa or rather in the comfortable red upholstery chair with his back to the kitchen where Sherlock stood at the table, reading off data for John to type into their program. John wasn’t surprised when he arrived at Sherlock’s flat for the first time to see Sherlock already had a small lab set up on his kitchen table with things bubbling and boiling like in one of those old-fashioned black and white movies about a mad scientist. John noticed the attitude change in Sherlock when they started working in his flat. Sherlock became far more tolerable and relaxed in the setting of his home and it let John get to know the domestic side of Sherlock that is pleasant to be around.
The first time they met at Sherlock’s, Sherlock set a laptop and charger in front of John who sat at the desk in the living room
John looked up at Sherlock, furrowing his brows in confusion.
“It’s my old one. I’m sorry for ruining yours.”
John gave Sherlock a closed smile. “It is the least you could do.”
Sherlock huffed out a laugh.
“Mine to keep?”
“All yours. And this.” Sherlock set a key on top of the laptop.
John picked the key up. “Is this for your flat?”
“So you’ll be able to let yourself in. I’m already tired of letting you in.” Sherlock walked to the kitchen to start on their new experiment for the night.
John smiled down at the key in his hand.
Sherlock had gone out and bought the laptop for John that morning, scuffing it up a bit to make it look believably worn. He felt incredible guilt for ruining John’s laptop and setting them back on a week’s worth of work. The only good thing that came out of the situation was John getting a laptop upgrade since his only worked when connected to the charger and shut down whenever it felt like it.
Working in Sherlock’s flat turned into an organized routine between them. John would pick up their sandwich orders on his way and by the time John arrived, Sherlock had either tea or coffee waiting that declared if they were going to have a long night or a relaxed one and kept John’s preferred beer stocked in his fridge for the nights Sherlock tested his limits. John found himself staying at Sherlock’s after they finished their work for the night, enjoying the company provided and the occasional baked goods Sherlock’s landlady made and gave them to enjoy.
“How can you recite the entire periodic table, in alphabetical order along with the atomic mass and number might I add, but not know anything about the solar system?” John asked one night after they finished their work, where John quizzed the knowledge of Sherlock.
“There are more important things to me than planets and their orbits and things,” Sherlock said.
“But it’s the solar system.”
“And?”
“You’re an idiot.”
“I thought I was a genius.”
“What you are is annoying.”
Sherlock chuckled.
“Here,” John said as he grabbed the tin of gingernuts Mrs. Hudson dropped off when John first arrived, “solar system lesson.”
“No.”
“You can tell everything about someone based on the creases on their clothes but you don’t know that the earth resolves around the sun,” John said as he took ten cookies out of the tin, placing them in a straight line.
Sherlock grabbed one of the cookies and shoved it in his mouth, smiling at John with his lips as he chewed.
“You’re insufferable.” John replaced the cookie.
“It’s delicious,” Sherlock said with a mouthful, some crumbs falling out.
John scoffed, shaking his head as he smiled endearingly at the man across from him who washed his cookie down with a swig of John’s beer. John named off the planets, telling Sherlock basic information about each of them and tried to quiz Sherlock but Sherlock tried to eat the planets in protest.
“Stop it!” John laughed, trying to defend the solar system from Sherlock’s hands.
Sherlock overpowered John, managing to scoop up a few planets and shove them into his mouth, letting out a cough that sent crumbs flying out of his mouth.
“That’s what you get,” John said.
Sherlock tried to say something but couldn’t due to his stuffed mouth.
“What was that?” John leaned over the table. “Thank you John for teaching me about the solar system. What an idiot I am for forgetting about it! Of course, Sherlock! Anything for you,” he said sarcastically, giving a friendly pat on Sherlock’s cookie-stuffed cheek.
Sherlock coughed again, getting up and running to the bin to spit out all the planets he tried to chew before he choked himself while John sat laughing in his seat. Sherlock continued to cough while he went to the sink to fill a glass of water to wash down the cookie bits stuck in his throat as John continued to laugh.
“Surely that’ll stick with you,” John said with a smile when Sherlock turned around, his face red from coughing.
“You should consider being a teacher,” Sherlock said, trying to hold himself up straight but his near-choking experience got the best of him.
“Great idea. You could learn a thing or two from me.”
“Like how to make someone choke on ginger nuts?”
“That was your own doing.”
“I could have died.”
“Boo hoo.”
Sherlock took a swig of his water, laughing softly at the man sitting at the table.
John leaned back in his chair, admiring how Sherlock was posed against the counter, one arm stabilizing him against the countertop and the other holding the glass of water. One leg was crossed over the other as they stretched out Sherlock to his full length, highlighting the frame of the torso under the dark purple button-up that was almost too small with the sleeves rolled up to Sherlock’s elbows, revealing the pale forearms. John loved to watch Sherlock work, knowing it was serious when Sherlock rolled up his sleeves. How careful he was to set a glass under the microscope or pour things without making a single splash, his fingers and how they stretched out when he needed something handed to him. John wanted to take Sherlock’s hand and hold it in his own, just to know what it felt like.
It’s not like John hasn’t felt sexual attraction to another man before, he has to quite a few but it’s different when the attraction is towards his best friend. A brief crush is different from the persistent reminder of affection every time John hears his name in the rich baritone voice. John has been having a battle with his sexuality after he broke up with his first official girlfriend at the start of his second year of uni. They had been together for a little over a year before John found out she had been cheating on him. It was accidental, John happened to pop by her flat one night when he was there and everything fell apart. A week after John broke up with her, she had told him she cheated because John wasn’t giving her the satisfaction she needed. It was true, but it was different on John’s side. John started to feel repulsed with the idea of being with her after their first time and it only got worse. It was an awful way to describe it, but it’s how John felt. He never wanted to be in a relationship with her in the first place but he felt pressured to since she had a huge crush on him and Greg was constantly on his back saying that he needs to make a move. John realized after that maybe he didn’t like women as much as he thought he did.
“People have been talking about you two,” Greg said one night he and John sat on the couch eating out of takeaway boxes as they watched a movie. John knew he had been spending more time with Sherlock than Greg. Time spent with Sherlock was making Greg jealous so John made sure to set at least two nights a week aside to spend with Greg.
“And?” John asked.
“Being at his flat almost every night, it’s starting to make sense.”
John looked at Greg. “What are you getting at?”
“You and Sherlock.”
“What about it?”
Greg looked at John. “You’re over there every night, don’t come home until midnight or later, always texting him, talking about him, with him on campus. Everyone thinks you’re hooking up.”
“We’re not hooking up,” John defended. “You know we’re research partners.”
“I’m just saying-”
“Well shut up. So what if we’re close? Not every set of friends has to be messing around with each other just because one is gay. And why do you care? Why does anyone care? All they ever do is call him horrible names and spread nasty rumors and you’re one of those people.”
“Didn’t mean to pinch a nerve.”
“Well, you did.” John got up and took his food to the kitchen.
Greg set his food on the coffee table and stood up, watching John. “John, come on.”
“We’ve been living together for the last three years and no one ever accuses us of sleeping together because you’ve fucked every girl you’ve come in contact with. Everyone knows you’re straight as an arrow so no one will accuse us of anything. So what if I just happen to like men and so does Sherlock?”
John didn’t even know if Sherlock is gay. There have been rumors about him and some guy their first year at uni that spread and morph into something nasty. John felt bad for even assuming it, but in getting to know Sherlock he does seem like he would prefer men over women.
“You don’t like men.”
John braced himself against the counter realizing this wasn’t how he was supposed to come out. Maybe he could play it off. Greg has always been kind of ditsy. Maybe he could get away with it. That’s what John thought until Greg spoke out, confused and soft like a little kid discovering something new and scary about someone they love.
“John?”
John sighed deeply, standing up and looking at Greg who stared at him like a confused and wounded puppy. How are you supposed to tell your best friend who still makes jokes about gay people that you like men? When will Greg grow out of that stage of his life? Will he ever grow out of it? It is time for Greg to grow up and a forceful start with a rude awakening of his actions will be a good start.
“I am going to tell you this in full confidence and you have to swear not to tell anyone.”
“Of course.”
“I mean it, Greg. I’m not ready to come out to everyone.”
“I mean it too. I won’t tell a soul. Promise.”
John walked back to the couch, picking up the remote to pause the movie as he sat down.
Greg sat on the coffee table, watching John with careful eyes.
“This has been difficult for me,” John started. “I didn’t grow up with the support I needed to figure out who I am attracted to and who I want to be with. I haven’t had that support for the past few years either and I am referring to you and your friend group. After I ended things with Mary you thought I was depressed because of her but I wasn’t. I was depressed because I didn’t know anything about myself and I didn’t know how to learn because I wasn’t comfortable enough to talk to anyone about it and I couldn’t have talked to you about it because you wouldn’t have taken me seriously. You know that.”
Greg closed his mouth, stopping himself from saying what he wanted to say.
“You took me out one night with your group and we ended up in a queer club where all of you made comments about everyone and decided to leave but I stayed, getting that feeling like that was what I was missing out on. I had the most fun there than I did anywhere else we went that night and I did have a lot to drink but I was sober enough to go home with another man that night. He was the girl you thought I was seeing for those few months and you met him when you followed me that one day. That was the day I knew I couldn’t confide with you about my situation because you were so eager to know who I was seeing that you invaded my privacy.
“I really liked him but you invading my privacy like that made me scared. You kept joking about it too, saying that I didn’t have a single nerve in me to be able to be attracted to men because I dated Mary for so long and brought up every person I’ve messed around with. I wanted you to shut up about it so I started pushing him away until I couldn’t be around him anymore and ended what we had. It’s such a shameful thing to be so unaware of ruining someone’s happiness that you are close with because you don’t stop and think what you say and do can be harmful.
“I was close to cutting you out after that but I decided not to because you may be an ignorant ass but you are the closest person I have in my life and I didn’t want to ruin that. You need to stop making insensitive jokes and feeding rumors you don’t know anything about, especially if they’re about me. If you are my brother you’ll stand up for me and not care about the backlash you might receive for it. I love you, Greg, but it’s time you start growing up. I’m getting sick of your childish actions and if you want to stay around me you need to start correcting yourself. You need to start improving yourself.”
Greg nodded. “I’m sorry I made you feel like that. I didn’t know.”
“Now you do.”
“I won’t let it happen again. I’m sorry. I really am.”
“I know you are.”
“Are you mad at me?”
John sighed, feeling pressured by the pleading face Greg made to tell him no. Of course, John was mad at him. Greg constantly tested John’s limits, saying and doing things that made John want to rethink his living situation. It was also hard to stay mad at Greg after he tried so desperately to make it up to John by asking him what his type is and talking about Sherlock in a somewhat positive manner. If there is one out shining quality about Greg it is that he cares deeply about those he loves even though he tries to present himself as someone who has a hard shell and a hard interior.
A few weeks after John came out he was sitting at his desk in his room when Greg came thumping into the flat, his heavy steps nearing John’s room until he burst through the door with a gigantic smile.
“How was volunteering?” John asked, a bit of amusement in his voice since Greg seemed so upbeat after talking about how he didn’t want to volunteer at a retirement home. Some girl he had been talking to asked him to go with her and he agreed hoping to win her over.
“I made you something. Close your eyes.”
John closed his eyes and felt Greg get close, his hands reaching in front of him and placing something on top of his keyboard.
“Okay open.”
John opened his eyes and smiled at the bracelet with the colors pink, purple, and blue braided between each other. “This is great, Greg. Thank you.” he picked it up and felt the pattern with his thumb.
“I know you’re probably not gonna wear it but I did use my wrist to measure it and Nina showed me how to do a sliding knot if you do choose to wear it.”
John looked at Greg. “Nina?”
“Fantastic lady does a lot of crafts. Showed me all sorts of ‘em. Even the one Nan does, with the fancy little fabric and the hoop thing.”
“Cross stitch?”
“Yes! It’s so cool. I tried but it didn’t go well so I did the bracelet instead with the thread.”
“Thank you, Greg.”
“Course. Dinner tonight?”
“Thought you were going to a party?”
“Don’t feel like it. Take away or eat out?”
“Let me finish this and I’ll decide.”
“Okay.” Greg left John’s room, closing the door.
John slipped the bracelet onto his wrist, tightening it and figuring out if he enjoyed wearing it or not. John decided not to wear it after wearing it around the flat for the day. Having something wrapped around his wrist that wasn’t his watch made him feel uneasy and he still wasn’t ready to showcase that side of him if anyone around him were to notice and connect the dots. John attached the bracelet to his key chain, wanting to keep it close to him but not showcase it.
“Greg approached me today,” Sherlock said when John entered his flat.
“Say anything interesting?” John asked as he shrugged his book bag off, setting it on the ground and sitting in the chair across the table from where Sherlock stood.
“Small talk. Hate small talk.”
“Did you ignore him? Seeing as you normally do when he tries to talk to you.”
“I had no choice today. He cornered me.”
“Cornered you? In the class you have together in a lecture hall that can seat two hundred? Must’ve really had you in a corner then.”
“There are only twelve people in that class. He could have sat where he normally does.”
“I thought you two were best friends?”
“Do you want tea?”
John smiled at his ability to get under Sherlock’s skin. “I would love some, yes.”
Sherlock turned around and started making them both a cup of tea from the kettle that had already been boiling.
“He didn’t say anything rude, did he?” John asked after thinking about why Sherlock would bring Greg talking to him up if he never does. Greg is always the one to tell John about his failed attempts of conversation.
“No. Hasn’t since you had your little talk.”
John never told Sherlock about the altercation he had with Greg but Sherlock knew after seeing John in a mood the following day. Greg tried approaching Sherlock earlier the same day but Sherlock walked away when Greg got close (he looked at Sherlock after their class had ended). John was thankful Sherlock didn’t seem to know the other half of his altercation with Greg and if Sherlock did know, he is doing a good job of keeping his mouth shut.
“What’d he say then?”
“Invited me to a party. Tried to bait me by telling me you’re going.” Sherlock reached across the table and set a mug down in front of John.
“Going to go?”
Sherlock scoffed. “No. Why would I?”
“Cause I’m going.”
“Still going to say no.”
“Bollocks.” John smiled as he took a swig of his tea, hearing the chuckle and seeing the hint of a smile stretch across Sherlock’s lips.
“Are you really going to go?”
“Why wouldn’t I?”
“You haven’t gone to a party with him this year. You don’t like the party scene, either. It makes you uncomfortable.”
“I haven’t hung out with him in a while.”
“You live with him.”
“That’s different.”
“But is it?”
“Yes.”
“It’s not.”
“You don’t get it.”
“I’m sure I do. You partially grew up with him, his family took you in as their own and you feel like you owe it to him to do the things that make him happy while you remain uncomfortable and feeling helpless. You are sick of his immaturity, that’s obvious, and you’re starting to hate living with him. You don’t-“
“Shut up, Sherlock,” John said, soft and stern.
“I’m-“
“Shut it. Shut up. Not doing this tonight.”
Sherlock shifted awkwardly, looking down at his mug of tea as he thought about what he could say or do to lighten the mood. John has obviously been having a hard time with Greg and Sherlock has no right to speak on the subject John wants to deal with privately and Sherlock knows that. Sherlock doesn’t like to see John upset and hates it when he is the reason John is upset.
“We could go do something,” Sherlock said, looking up and catching John’s heavy stare.
“You’re not the Saturday nightlife kind of guy.”
“With the right company I can be.”
John’s stare softened and he looked away for a second, his cheeks turning a shade of pink at the thought of Sherlock asking him out. It isn’t an actual date, just one of those times when a friend you have strong feelings for asks you to hang out. Not a date. Just a night out.
“Maybe,” John said.
Sherlock acted quickly to change the subject, not wanting to stay in the awkward tango of avoiding feelings. “Did you get the file I sent you?”
“I did. One of your sequences is wrong.”
“Impossible.”
“It is wrong,” John said as he dug his laptop out of his bag. “Come here and I’ll show you.”
Sherlock set his tea down and walked around the table, standing behind John and leaning in close beside his head. Sherlock watched John open the file and point at something that was highlighted on the screen.
“That’s not right,” John said.
“I misclicked.”
John looked at Sherlock. “No, you didn’t.”
“Yes, I did.” Sherlock returned the look, keeping his face level with John’s but only a few inches apart.
“No, you didn’t. You got it wrong.”
“You can’t prove it.”
“That’s exactly what someone who did something wrong but won’t admit that they’re wrong would say.”
“Then fix it.”
“I would have also accepted “thank you John for catching my mistake and correcting me” but you seem to have a fear of thanking people.”
Sherlock’s eyes quickly flicked from John’s eyes to his lips before he stood up and walked around the table, sitting down in front of his laptop.
John looked across the table at Sherlock, watching Sherlock keep his focus on his screen as he typed something, flustered from getting something wrong he should easily know. It would be a better Saturday night if John did go out and do something with Sherlock rather than go to a party he didn’t want to be at.
By the end of the week, John decided not to go to the party with Greg. John realized when he feels guilty about not hanging out with Greg he always does what Greg wants to do and most of the time it’s something John isn’t comfortable with doing. The idea of going out with Sherlock for a night and doing something he enjoys in a much more calm environment than a crowded party with loud music and wasted people was worth ditching Greg for one night.
“I’m not going to the party anymore,” John told Greg Friday morning before he left for classes while Greg stood in the kitchen eating a bowl of cereal.
“What? Why?”
“I changed my mind. I’ve been stressed with research and you know how I feel about parties.”
“But you haven’t gone out with me in ages.”
“I have. We went out for dinner Tuesday night. It still counts if it’s just us getting food.”
“Yeah, but I want to go out out with you. You’ve been too focused on your research. You need to get out and let loose for a night.”
“Believe it or not, I can do that without going to a party and getting shit faced.”
“Okay, well, we can do something else tomorrow night.”
John paused. How does he tell someone who gets easily hurt and offended when someone decides to do something fun that doesn’t involve him? “I’ve already made plans with Sherlock.”
“If you would’ve said something earlier I would have changed my plans. You’re with him every night. Don’t you get enough of seeing him?”
“Greg,” John said sternly, giving him a look that he better watch what he says. “I have my friends and you have yours. I don’t get upset when you bail on our plans to go out with yours so you can’t get upset with me. Alright?”
“Yeah, whatever,” Greg said dismissively, looking down at his cereal.
John contained his frustration with Greg acting like a child, pouting before throwing a tantrum. “Let’s try to plan something here with just a few people one night. A mix of what you enjoy with what I enjoy and the people we like. Make some food, make some drinks, and have a good time.”
“Okay.” Greg turned around to put his bowl in the sink.
John rolled his eyes and left the flat, fed up with Greg. It was one thing to pout like that at the age of twenty-two but another to get upset at someone for canceling plans when he is the king of canceling plans and not turning in rain checks. Greg should understand why John would prefer to have a quiet night out with Sherlock than a loud one with people he doesn’t know.
Saturday night, John met Sherlock at a small restaurant where they had an early dinner before going to a cinema Sherlock was fond of where they played old black and white films, something John has never experienced but was thoroughly satisfied with. John didn’t even think twice about letting Sherlock plan the night for them after he was the one to initiate it. Sherlock knew the kind of night out John would enjoy and he hit it spot on when they got a sweet treat after the movie and spent the rest of the night walking and talking.
John found himself staring more than he should at his friend but caught Sherlock doing the same thing. It was an awkward situation. Neither of them knew what to do with their feelings. They are unsure if it is just a short-term crush or something that will stick with them until their desires are fulfilled. But walking around London that night sparked a feeling inside both of them that neither has felt for anyone in their life before. Smiles, laughter, wandering eyes, and thoughts about ending the night in someone’s flat stayed consistent. The night ended with Sherlock walking John home, an awkward pause as they stood outside of John’s building not knowing what to say.
“I had fun tonight,” John said. “We should do it again.”
Sherlock smiled. “That would be nice. Have a good night, John.”
“You too.” John escaped into his building, hurrying up to his flat with the urge to go back outside to end the night in a more pleasurable way. He wished he was able to be comfortable enough with Greg or anyone at all to talk about his feelings towards Sherlock but there was no one. It always helps to talk it out. When there is no one it’s a constant tail chase of what if of the same thought with countless nights lying awake not knowing what to do. How much longer can John hold it in? How does he know if he really does like Sherlock or if he’s latching onto the one person that gives him attention?
Sherlock remained standing outside on the sidewalk, thinking about how easy it would have been to follow John in or lead them to his flat. He decided to play it safe. John is the first friend he’s had in years, a very precious friend that Sherlock would do anything not to lose. Even if it meant swallowing his feelings just to keep him around Sherlock was fine with it. One day Sherlock may grow out of his fear but now it will stay with him until Sherlock gains the courage to say how he feels or have enough and end their friendship.
“Hey, John,” a voice piped from behind John as he started his walk off campus and home.
John stopped and turned around, smiling at Molly who had said his name. “Hey, Molly. You heading home too?”
“No, actually, I’m going to a little cafe for some coffee before my lab. Do you want to come with? It’d be nice to have some company.”
John looked down at his watch. He wasn’t set to meet Sherlock for a few more hours and he hasn’t seen Molly in ages even though they are in the same chemistry lab together. “Yeah. That sounds great.”
“Perfect!”
Molly led John to a small cafe he had never been to that was only a block away from where they just were. As they walked they had a quick catching up conversation where Molly ranted about the lab she was about to attend and how her professor singles her out with questions she’s able to answer because she spends all night studying. She continued talking until they were seated and John was reminded of how fond he is of Molly and how much of a talker she is.
“You weren’t at the party Saturday,” Molly said. “I was excited to see you.”
“I’m not much of a party person.”
“I know. I was just hoping that you would be for one night so I could catch up with you.”
“I think Greg and I might try to plan something where we have a much smaller group of people over for a night.”
“That’d be fun.”
“How was it Saturday? I haven’t talked to Greg since. Want to make sure he didn’t do anything to upset you.”
“There was one incident that did happen.”
“What did he do? Are you okay?”
“Oh, yeah, I’m fine. It didn’t involve me but Greg was a part of it and I witnessed it all.” Molly looked down at her coffee. “There were some people that brought up your relationship with Sherlock and they started to make jokes and Greg’s name was brought into it and they started teasing him for living with someone gay who is with something I’m not comfortable with repeating. Greg got defensive and tried to get them to lay off him and they only did after he said that the reason your dad would hit you was because you’re gay. He said your dad tried to beat it out of you but said it in a much more nasty way.”
Molly looked up, watching John drop his stare to a point somewhere on the table. “I don’t know anything about your family but I know how close you and he are and for him to say something like that is awful.”
John felt his heart drop in his chest. The words and thoughts left his mind while he desperately tried to figure out what emotion he was feeling. Trying to understand why Greg would say something like that and where he got the nerve to do it.
“I confronted Greg about it but he didn’t take kindly to that. I’m sure he was jealous and upset that you chose to go out with Sherlock rather than be with him but that doesn’t make it right. I just thought you would like to know because I know he is never going to tell you what he said. I’m sorry, John.”
“It’s alright,” John said softly. “Thank you for telling me but I’m- I’m gonna go. Let’s catch up another time. Alright. Okay. Thanks, Molly.” he got up with his book bag and hurried out of the cafe.
When John got home, Greg wasn’t to be found. John went to Greg’s room, knocking over the tower of clothes that suffocated his desk chair to sit and wait in it. It is wrong that Greg said that and has been keeping it from John. John never thought Greg would ever say something like that, he knows how private John keeps his family so that no one would have to know about what he endured growing up. John wasn’t ready for people to know he is attracted to men and now it’s the worst group of people that do. People who will poke and prod and throw slurs around. People who Greg calls his friends.
John sat in the dark for almost an hour, contemplating ways of how to confront Greg. John has always hated confrontation and will avoid it at all costs, especially with Greg, but this can’t be avoided. When Greg gets confronted he starts acting like a kid in trouble, making up lies and excuses to get out of it. John hated dealing with that side of Greg so he let Greg’s bad actions slip by, adding more and more frustration to the dam that is now cracking from the crumbling foundation. Every comment Greg has made, every joke, every lie he’s told, every starting point of an argument with John breached the foundation and a new leak appeared. Only so much patch work could be done, Greg attempting to do things that he thought would make John less upset at him but makes John more angry than before. This was the effect of the dam breaking, the flood happening and washing away everything that’s happened between them. Why would Greg say that?
“You scared me,” Greg said when he entered his room and saw John sitting in his chair when he turned the light on. “Didn’t think you were home.”
“What did you say about me at the party?”
“Nothing other than you weren’t going to be there.”
“No, Greg. What did you say about me?” John asked again, more sternly.
“Nothing, John. I swear.”
“Don’t lie to me.”
“I’m not. I swear, John.”
“Really? I was told you said something about my dad and my sexuality.”
Greg froze, stammering with his words. “I had a lot to drink that night. I wasn’t even sure what I was saying.”
“I don’t care about that. I want to hear from you. What you said about me.”
“John,” Greg sighed.
John stood up, taking a few steps closer to Greg. Greg is taller than John but John held himself in a way that made him tower over Greg.
“Say it to my face.”
“I can’t.”
“But you can to a room full of people to defend yourself. Says a lot about who you are as a person.”
“I’m sorry. I am. Honest.”
“I don’t forgive you. You are the only person that knows what I went through growing up and for you to use it as an escape from the teasing you were getting is fucked up. You never brought up anything concerning my dad and that’s what I have appreciated the most about you. Never asked, nothing. But you used it against me and outed me. You’re supposed to be my brother.”
Greg hung his head, staring at his feet.
“You weren’t even going to tell me.”
“I’m sorry, John, okay? I didn’t want you to get mad at me. I know I shouldn’t have said that but everything was happening so fast it just slipped out.”
“I don’t care about your feelings, Greg. Either way, I would’ve been mad at you and now I am mad. I’m upset. I’m hurt that you went out and said that about me. Nothing like that would have just slipped out.”
“John, please.”
“No, Greg. No. I will never forgive you for that. Never. Just stay away from me.” John walked out of Greg’s room, leaving the flat and slamming the door behind him.
John started out in a face paced walk, trying to contain his anger while processing everything that had happened in the last two hours. All the questions of Greg’s actions filtered in and out of John’s thought process, keeping him angry since he couldn’t figure out why. The worst part about it that John set aside was the fact the whole incident was Greg trying to get out of being made fun of. He should have just taken the piss and stood up for John but he always has to act like the bigger man. The bigger man who throws tantrums at twenty-two and would rather throw his best friend under the bus than defend them.
It felt like Greg was ashamed of John. Ashamed of being associated with someone who spends their time with the talk of the town, the homosexual psychopath who stalks people at night and kills innocent girls in their homes. Why would anyone be ashamed of their friend having a good and healthy relationship with someone who isn’t anything as he is portrayed? How long has been Greg bottling up his true emotions towards John? How long has he been thinking about what he said? Will he ever realize the full extent of what he’s done to John? When will he grow up?
There were too many questions and scenarios flooding into John’s head. He felt the panic start to rise in him and he booked it, starting off in almost a sprint down the busy London sidewalk. Everything started chasing him; the eyes of strangers wondering why he was running in jeans, the thoughts of Greg, the memories of his father he tried so hard to bury but always crawled out and came for him, the feeling of his fathers hands on him, the shouting, the stings, the burns, everything that ever happened to him came back
“What’s wrong?” Sherlock’s voice asked.
John got pulled out of his head and into his reality where he stood in Sherlock’s flat with Sherlock staring at him, eyes filled with questions and concerns. John looked away and took the time to calm his breathing down, to drown out the rest of the haunting memories with the feeling of comfort from the flat he was in with the man who gave it. Even in a state of trance John’s body led him to Sherlock. Led him to the place he knew he could be himself, where his boundaries are respected, a place he feels safe enough in to let a few tears break the seal but quickly wipe away because no one can see that side of John.
“Are you okay?” Sherlock asked.
“No. Not really.”
Sherlock studied John, going through all the possibilities of what could have made John so upset and he landed on the one that has been giving John the most issues lately. “Greg?”
“Yeah. Greg.”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“No.”
“Do you want to go to the shop? Get something to eat?”
“No. I’m just gonna lay down.” John went to Sherlock’s couch and laid down, keeping his back toward Sherlock.
Sherlock closed both doors from the landing, pausing the work he was doing at his desk to sit in his chair and watch John with a close eye. Sherlock knew it had to have been bad between John and Greg for John to show up after running God knows how long in jeans and a thick jumper, completely disheveled. It was nerve-wracking to see John like this. Sherlock has never seen John in a state like this before and it was hard to decide what John’s next actions would be. Anything could happen. Sherlock remained silent, watching John for any signs of distress but John slowly fell asleep.
Sherlock got up to make sure John had fallen asleep and he did. Sherlock covered John in a thin blanket and turned all the lights off, closing the curtains tight, and sat at his desk to resume his work silently. Glancing up every once in a while, he found himself unfocused from his work and finding every single family member of Greg’s online, learning everything about them he could including Greg. Sherlock never liked Greg. John would never know that Greg was one of Sherlock’s biggest bullies in their first year of uni. Greg has always taunted him, led him into a sick joke that outed Sherlock, and humiliated him in front of a crowd of people spectating that Sherlock didn’t know about. Somehow John didn’t know about any of it and he never will. Now, Sherlock hates Greg. He tried to make the best of Greg for the sake of John but now Greg has done the unspeakable. Sherlock will continue to hate Greg, be mean to Greg, do everything in his power to passive aggressively get back at him for his public humiliation and for making John upset to the point of tears.