Chapter 1: inescapable
Summary:
Craxis n.
Pronounced /krak-sis/“The unease of knowing how quickly your circumstances could change on you—that no matter how carefully you shape your life into what you want it to be, the whole thing could be overturned in an instant, with little more than a single word, a single step, a phone call out of the blue, and by the end of next week you might already be looking back on this morning as if it were a million years ago, a poignant last hurrah of normal life.”
Notes:
Edit 8/27/25: I just noticed that the timeline for this story is confusing for anyone not in my head so here's me trying to give you guys an official timeline to follow along with. This story starts at the end of April before Katsuki birthday (Which will be mentioned again later on), and the story is base on the first 6 months that Izuku finds out. (Unless I change my mind :/)
Some months have a few chapters and others may only have one chapter for the month, idk why I did it like this either so don't ask, that's just how it is. When we are in a new month it will now say so at the start of the chapter.
Sorry for any confusion for people who care to follow along with the timeline of the story. <3
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
April
--
Have you ever felt like the whole world was fighting against you?
No matter what you do, how kind or helpful you are to others, none of it can ever be enough to get some good karma.
The universe or God, hell maybe even just fate itself.
It was all actively and successfully working in sync to make Izuku's life a living hell that he could never escape.
Having his childhood best friend, his only friend, bully him for years wasn’t enough. Being born quirkless in a quirk runned society wasn’t enough. Finally getting a quirk at 14 and having it break and mangle his body over and over again wasn’t enough?
All of Izuku’s pain and suffering that he fought through, and when he finally thought he could catch a break, a war broke out. After having to fight in a war that he had no reason to be involved in at his age and winning the damn thing regardless. When he finally thought things were looking his way and his next two years in school was just the start of his happiness. Izuku was hit by the hard cold truth that it was all for nothing.
Fate, whoever they may be, just couldn’t stop playing with his string and they fucked everything up and cut his just too motherfucking short.
“I’m sorry, can you repeat that?” Izuku sat in the doctor's office, arm wrapped up and tucked away in a sling.
Izuku's brain, for the first time since he was born maybe, was working too slow trying to process this new information. He’d just dislocated his shoulder when trying to catch a villain and he didn’t even feel it honestly. Another hero just pointed out his dangling arm and off he went to the closest hospital to get it popped back in and wrapped up.
Apparently, it was not just an easy one, two and sent on his way visit he thought it was. The nurse did make quick work of his shoulder and popped it in before sending a burst of warm energy through his body to speed up the healing process she said. Her quirk couldn’t fix it right away but sped up the healing that by itself could take weeks, to just being extremely sore for a few days.They actually had him get a full body X-ray and a CT scan just to make sure no other injuries were going unnoticed in his adrenaline rush.
“We found an abnormal growth of cells in your frontal lobe.”
Izuku stares past the doctor at the board behind him with his scans clipped up. The close up image of his brain does indeed show a blob in the front of his head. He reaches up his working arm and rubs on his forehead where the tumor would be at.
No matter how doctorly his doctor says it, that’s what this all means, he has a brain tumor.
“Now there are steps we need to take to figure out what type of tumor this is and how we move forward in treating this.” Izuku stares at the image while the doctor talks and he doesn’t really blink until the doctor finally has enough and rips the image off the screen behind him. “Depending on whether it’s malignant or benign will mean a lot in how we treat—“
“But my arm is okay, right?” Izuku pushes back on his chair and stands up, “When will I be able to move it without pain?”
The doctor blinks at him and starts to say, “Mr. Midoriya, I really think—“
“Please don’t call me that, Izuku is fine.”
“Izuku, then. Please just sit down and we can talk—“
“My arm first? When will it be better?”
The doctor sighs, “Give it about a week before you do anything too strenuous.”
Izuku nods in appreciation and pushes the seat back in. “Thanks doctor. Since my arm is all healed up, am I good to go?”
The doctor looks at him and Izuku can feel the disapproving stare. He knows why, he knows but Izuku can’t even wrap his head around all this. He’s fine.
He feels fine and looks fine.
There is nothing wrong with him, except apparently there is and Izuku just can’t do this right now.
His doctor must see his urge to just run away. “I know this is hard to accept, since there was no notice beforehand and no symptoms. The second you feel anything out of the ordinary, migraines, extreme nausea or fatigue, vomi—“ Izuku opens his mouth to cut in, to get him to just stop but the doctor glares and stands up from his seat. “Izuku, I’m serious. Migraines, extreme nausea or fatigue, vomiting, blurred vision or slurred speech, or a seizure. If any one of these things happen or you just don’t feel well, you have to come back and get the tests done. This isn’t a request, Izuku. If you ignore any symptom that could mean the difference between beating this and surviving or forcing your family into planning an early funeral.”
The doctor gave Izuku a business card with his contact information and with that Izuku was allowed to leave the office and he didn’t look back. What was he meant to do with this information? He’s dying or he might die? Maybe it’s all just a crazy joke that the universe was playing on him. Someone’s gonna show up and laugh at him because he almost actually believed it and Izuku can move on with his life. If this was a joke, some mean cruel joke, Izuku wouldn’t even be mad. He just needs someone to tell him ‘Hey you don’t actually have cancer it’s just a prank’ and Izuku is ready to thank them. Even though they made him think he was gonna…but he’s not and that’s enough for him.
He’s not.
He’s not.
Izuku is not going to just die because something in his body, in his brain, just decided to let some cells grow where they're not supposed to. After everything, after all he’s fucking been though this is not how…
This is not how he goes.
Izuku fucking Midoriya does not have cancer.
“Damn it,” Izuku whispered softly. He must have been more lost in his head than he realized because the sun was going down and he had wandered into a mostly empty looking park.
None of it mattered though. The day passing by and him not going back to the dorms, the few people walking down the cobblestone path. None of it meant anything to Izuku after all this time and all his struggles.
All his wasted energy.
“Damn it!” Izuku yelled, he couldn’t hold it all in and let his emotions burst out violently as he turned to his side and poured an overwhelming amount of power into his hand and punched the tree next to him.
“Why! Why me? What the fuck did I do?”
The tree splintered apart at the force, chucks of the bark flying everywhere as the trees behind it were forcefully knocked over, roots ripping from the ground as the trees toppled over.
At the sight of the destruction, Izuku suddenly felt all the fight he had and all the anger he had been building up just leave his body in a quick succession. He was left feeling worn out and the exhaustion left his legs feeling like jelly. He stumbled over to the destroyed trees and slumped down on the grass floor, leaning back on the exposed roots that were now the new base of the tree.
Izuku covered his face with his hands.¨Damn it.¨ His voice cracked. ¨Damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it. What should I do? What am I gonna do?¨ Izuku pressed his hands harder into his face, the heels of his hands digging into his eyes.
All his life Izuku has lived up to his crybaby nickname. On any occasion he’d be the first to cry. He cried when he got his U.A. letter and first opened it. When he told Kacchan about his powers for the first time. When All Might's career publicly ended and when Kacchan was almost killed in the war. He’d cry and cry until his face was red and his cheeks were forever stained in tears.
Now though? When he's at his wits end and his whole world as he knows it has been changed forever. Not a single damn tear can form.
Izuku rubs his dry eyes roughly and when he finally relents he opens his eyes and leans back against the tree roots. The sun already set along with any warmth it held. He wrapped his arms around his waist and just let himself be.
He knows he’s going to have to deal with this. He knows.
Just…not yet. Not right now.
Right now, Izuku is going to look up at the night sky and all the pretty glittery stars that he could never really see at the dorms.
He still has time, maybe not as much as he thought he’ll have, but still.
Later when he finally settles down he’ll think and plan and do what he has to do to prepare.
Right now?
He’s watching the sky.
_______________
It's well past ten o’clock when Izuku finally makes it back to the dorms.
He wanted to just sneak in without alarming anyone and just curl up in his bed. His bed sounded so welcoming right now.
Soft shuffles of a pair of socked footsteps headed his way.
“Izuku?”
Izuku froze by the front door, his back was to the common space as he tried to silently take his shoes off. There was no going back now. He placed his shoes neatly in the cupboard by the door and turned around to face whoever was still awake.
“Are you just coming back now? It's been hours, I thought you were already asleep in your room.” Shouto stood just a few steps away from Izuku. He had a steaming cup of tea in his hands and a blanket thrown over his shoulders.
“Hey, yeah, sorry about that. What are you still doing awake? I thought everyone would have been asleep by now.”
Shouto stood in front of Izuku silently for a moment, head tilted to the side. If Izuku was being frank the longer they stood there in silence the more nervous he got. It's not like he was doing anything wrong he had nothing to worry about.
Izuku broke eye contact first, staring off to the side and nervously scratching the base of his hair. Shouto decided to break the silence and speak up then, “It's Friday. We always have Friday movie nights.”
Izuku blinked, “Oh, right. I’d completely forgotten it was Friday. I've had such a long day. What movie are we watching?” Izuku started to walk towards the couches and see who else was up. Shouto fell into step with him as he made his way.
“We’re watching some old hero movies from the pre-quirks era.”
Izuku gasps,”You're joking? I love those movies! Which one? Oh my god Shouto, why didn't you text me? I would have been here.” Izuku hit his arm lightly and Shouto’s eyes widened when his tea started to slosh around in his cup from the sudden movement.
“I thought you were sleeping.”
Izuku ignored his comment and bounced over to the couches, “Oh my god, you're watching Wonder Woman? I loved this movie.”
Only a small group of the class are sitting around yet all the seats are filled up, everyone looks over at Izuku and a few waves before they turn back to the movie playing.
“Oh hey, Midobro.” Kirishima leaned his arm over the back of the couch and tossed his head back to look at Izuku. “Did you just come from outside? It's past ten already.”
Izuku walked around the couch and threw himself into the cushion beside Kirishima. He sighed loudly and curled his legs in. “Yeah, I had a long day.”
Shouto walked over and pulled the pillow from behind Izuku. He threw it to the floor and sat in front of Izuku's legs. Izuku went to stand up because he clearly stole his seat but Shouto just waved him away and leaned back on Izuku's legs. “I heard you went to the hospital earlier after the villain encounter.”
Izuku looked at Kirishima, “Yeah, just dislocated my arm so I had to get that fixed.”
“And you're good now?” Shouto leaned his head back on Izuku's knee as he spoke.
“Oh yeah, they said that I'll be sore for a few days and to not do anything too strenuous.”
“Did you tell them that you're you and that's literally an impossible thing to ask?” Kaminari pipes up from the other side of Kirishima.
Izuku leaned over to look at him, “Haha, very funny. I went to the hospital at least. I could have just banged my arm against something and snapped it into place.”
Kirishima gives him a look of horror, “Bro. Just no.”
Izuku laughs and leans back into the couch, “It wasn't that bad.”
“You mean like your arm wasn't that bad or you've done that before and it wasn't that bad?” Ashido spoke from her place on the other side of Kaminari. She was holding a bowl of popcorn curled in her arms with her legs thrown over Kaminari’s lap, a blanket covering both them and Kirishima.
Izuku gave the blanket a little tug and Kirishima pulled some of the blanket out from under him to lay it on Izuku. He curled up under his share of the honestly huge blanket and snuggled a little into Kirishima's side.
“You decide.” She laughed at Izuku’s words.
While the movie played in the background Izuku realized just how easy it was being with his friends. Easy to forget why he really was coming back so late. To forget that heavy feeling in his heart and let it fall away with light banter and shared blankets. To spend his time like this with Kirishima’s arm wrapped over his shoulder and Shouto’s head leaning against his legs. With Kaminari and Ashido quietly whispering on the other side and the popcorn bowl being passed down to him. Sero lying on the other couch with his head on Jirou’s lap as she plays with his hair. Yaoyorozu and Hagakure cuddled up on another couch while Tokoyami lay on the floor in front of them.
This bond that they didn't even have a few months ago. It was built with literal blood, sweat and tears through a war but they did it. They made it to the other side and now they have each other.
They made it to the other side of an actual war.
And Izuku was only seventeen.
“Fuck,” Izuku whispered under his breathe so low that through the action of the movie no one heard it. Of all the times to start crying now was a really bad time. This was the absolute worst time for it to be hitting him. Fuck him. Why now? He'd had all the time in the world earlier to cry and let it out. He felt his breathing starting to pick up a little.
This was so unfair.
What had he done to deserve this?
Maybe if someone explains his bad karma and told him ‘this is why this is happening to you’ he would get it. He could accept it. Accept that his death is for a reason. That his death will be happening because of something and that means it's not a useless, sad, pitiful death. That when he dies it won't be because his body has decided that not giving him a quirk isn't gonna be the worst thing it's ever done to him. When he dies it won't be because his body has betrayed him like this.
Cause that's insane.
His body.
Betraying him.
Izuku tries to let out a quiet breath to release some of the tension he's holding in, but it comes out shaky. He feels breathless sitting here. Like all the oxygen was sucked out of the room and no one noticed but him.
No one is scared but him.
I'm going to die?
This nice easy feeling of being with his friends. Being curled up in a warm blanket surrounded by people who love him and who he loves back just as deeply.
It's suffocating.
He needs to get out of here.
Izuku clears his throat and moves around under the blanket. He sits up straight, hopefully not too suddenly and stretches his arms out, faking a yawn for added effect.
“H-hey guys, I think imma call it a night. I keep dozing off and I don't wanna end up with a stiff neck in the morning. I've had that one too many times falling asleep on these couches. Haha.”
Izuku pushes the blanket to the side and lets it bundle up next to an already asleep Kirishima. He glances around and sees Shouto also sleeping on the floor. A few others are dozing off as well. Kaminari looks up from his phone and grins, “Night mido.” Ashido waves at him with a smile and Izuku takes this as his que to go to his room.
Quickly run to his room actually.
He hops over Shouto and makes his way to the elevators at a reasonable pace in order not to spook anyone or give away the fact that he's actually going to cry his eyes out and maybe throw up while he's at it.
He feels faint. Like all the blood has left his face and he's left with this feeling of lightheadedness, nausea and just overall shit.
Is this what the symptoms will feel like?
Are these the symptoms his doctor was talking about? No, it's too early. He just found out.
He just found out.
Holy shit.
How far along is the growth of the tumor? He didn't ask but is he supposed to be feeling symptoms so early? Is it early anymore?
Izuku was well past hyperventilation by now and was just gonna pass out on the floor before the elevator even opened.
While he's at it might as well just crack his head open on the floor and die now.
Because nothing matters anymore.
Not his dream of being a hero. Not his goals. Not his life.
Izuku smiles at the thought. His life. He feels tears build up in the corners of his eyes and he just laughs. Once he started, Izuku found it hard to stop.
Holy shit.
His life.
That definitely doesn't matter anymore.
The tears build up from his laughter start falling down his cheeks in steady streams and he's starting to let out small gasps of breath. The elevator doors open and Izuku walks in. His legs feel weak like he can't even hold himself up and his stomach hurts. Once he's made it to his floor and he has his room door closed behind him Izuku feels the hysterical laughter fade as he looks at the empty quietness of his room.
It doesn't feel as funny anymore.
His door clicked lock with a sort of finality. The tears don’t even get a chance to be wiped away before new fresh tears start to fall down. Fresh tears that have Izuku weak in his knees. Tears that feel like the world is falling down on top of him and he's being crushed to death under the weight of it all.
Tears turn into soul crushing sobs that Izuku can't hold back. All he can do is make his way over to his bed and curl around his pillow and just cry silently at the unfairness of it all.
Notes:
I started this a while ago for izuku’s birthday last year but forgot about it lol but now that his birthday is here again i decided to post what i have and continue writing. hopefully i finish this :)
I have an idea of where i want this to go but we’ll see how accurate that turns out.
Chapter 2: How it starts
Summary:
Hiddled adj.
Pronounced /hid-ld/“Feeling the loneliness of having to keep a secret to yourself.”
Notes:
I know i said i’ll update every monday but it’s Izuku’s birthday today so i thought why not post again?
Enjoy!
Trigger warning; Pills and suicidal thoughts.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Izuku didn't get much sleep last night.
It's kinda hard to sleep when your impending doom is clouding your mind, so after spending the first few hours just tossing and turning Izuku just thought fuck it and then he just sat on his computer until sunrise.
Researching this thing that's gonna kill him.
Honestly, the most important thing that he learned is that he should have stuck around the hospital long enough to figure out what exact type of cancer he had.
Who knew there were so many damn types?
Izuku searched up all he could about what he could. Types, grades of cancer, statistics of survival rate for gender differences and even age.
It all didn't even seem real.
It honestly just felt like any other time his brain just wouldn't shut up and he stayed up all night writing in his journal about anything he found interesting. Even with all that's happened, if it wasn't life or death for Izuku personally, this was a pretty interesting topic.
Izuku leaned back from his desk and stretched his arms above his head. Sitting up for hours curled over a computer and book was not good for his back. There was a morning light peeking through his half open blinds and filling his room with a warm yellow glow light. He yawned and grabbed his pen. Sleep sounds good right about now but not before he named his journal. It was tradition after all. Izuku leaned his arm on the desk and clicked the back of his pen on his cheek. What was a good name for his notebook of his upcoming death?
Hero analysis just wasn't gonna work this time around.
Doomsday?
Even though it was the end of Izuku's world it wasn't the end of the world.
Death note?
Eh, what if someone finds it? It's too on the nose.
Izuku clicked the pen against his cheek over and over again, willing the perfect name to come to him.
Izuku drops his pen on the table with a sigh. He was way too damn tired to come up with a good enough name for his— honestly very likely— last journal. Deciding a name could just be something left for a later time. He stood up from his chair and crawled into his bed.
He was asleep not long after his head hit the pillow.
—------
“Izuku? Are you still sleeping? It is already 3 in the afternoon.”
Continuous knocking kept interrupting Izuku’s sleep. “Go away.”
“Why is the door locked? You never lock the door.”
Izuku groaned. His head felt like someone ran him over repeatedly with a semi-truck and then thought that's not enough and continued to bash him over the head with a bat. Izuku raised one hand from where it was tucked under his pillow and placed it over his forehead. He felt fine, not like overheated or had a fever or anything. Just this fucking headache.
He didn't want to move, didn't want to even breathe. Just hope that they got the hint and left him alone to his peaceful slumber.
“Izuku? Please open up. I heard you came back late last night…” The knocking quieted down. “Are you okay?”
There were no breaks here for Izuku to catch. He sat up in bed and winced when his head throbbed. Throwing the covers away from his legs, he got up and walked over to unlock the door. The second he twisted the lock, the door swung open.
“Oh, you look like shit. What happened?” Ochako frowned at him and placed her hand on his cheek before sliding it up his face and over his forehead. “You don't feel feverish to the touch.”
Izuku nodded his head at her and turned around and headed back to his bed. He knew she would follow him and that's just what she did. She waited for him to lay back down and get comfortable before sitting at the side of his bed. “How do you feel? You really do look like shit.”
“Thanks.” Izuku whispered. He really did feel like shit. Guess now he knows what crying all night and then staying up all morning does to his body.
“Do you want anything?” Ochako asked as she ran her fingers through his hair, scratching lightly at his scalp.
“Um, just some pills maybe? I have this pounding headache but I think I can sleep it off.” Izuku nuzzled into her hand.
“Okay I'll be right back.” She leaned in and pushed his bangs from his forehead to kiss him before she stood up.
Izuku heard her steps leave his room before stopping just outside his door.
“How is he?”
“Not great. He had dark circles and bloodshot eyes, he looked horrible.”
“Fever?”
“Not that I could tell.”
Izuku heard their voices float further down the hall and away from his room, he tried to strain to hear what else they were saying.
“ —where was he last night?”
“Didn't.., he..kinda out..it.”
Izuku heard the elevator ding in the distance and knew they were gone. He rolled to his side and looked out his window. It's weird how Izuku’s whole life has been changed with just one sentence but nothing really changed at all. Everythings the same as it was yesterday when he woke up and tomorrow will be the same.
But it's not the same and it'll never be ever again.
Izuku must've fallen asleep again because he was suddenly opening his eyes to Ochako by his side holding out a glass of water and two pills.
He sat up and took the pills from her. “Two is not enough to kill this headache.” She handed him the water before she reached behind her on his desk. She grabbed a little bottle and shaked it at him, pill rattling inside. “I brought this just in case but give them time to work before you start swallowing more pills.”
Izuku threw the two pills into his mouth and swallowed a mouthful of water to keep them down. He handed her back the water and laid down. “I'm gonna try to sleep this off.”
“Okay, I'll come check on you later.” She set the bottle and water down on his desk. She quietly backed out of the room and closed the door behind her. Izuku could hear more voices muttering outside his room but he couldn't find the will to try and listen and instead he just let his eyes closed and his mind fell into the bottomless void of a deep sleep.
—---------
When Izuku finally woke up the sun was already starting to set. The throbbing from earlier had settled down a whole lot and was just a small twinge of pain between his brows which is a hell of a lot more manageable.
Deciding that he should just get up, Izuku threw his legs from under the covers and sat up at the edge of his bed. His room was darker now and the glass of water still sat on his desk next to the pill bottle from where they were placed hours before.
He leaned over and grabbed the bottle, popping the lid open and shaking out two pills. He stared at the little white capsules in his hand for a minute before shaking a few more out of the bottle.
Honestly, he really wasn't trying to kill himself even if that's what it would seem like to anyone who saw him. It's just, the longer Izuku sat in that spot on his bed and stared at his hand full of small white pills, the more tempting it was to just throw them all back and be done with it.
Maybe he’ll swallow all these pills and things will be okay.
Maybe he'll swallow all these pills and never have to know what could've been.
He’ll never get to know because just then someone knocked on his door. Izuku quickly tipped his hand and dropped the pills back into the bottle leaving just a single pair of pills in his hand. He closed the bottle tight and his hand trembled when he placed the bottle back on his desk.
Standing up, Izuku popped the pills into his mouth and grabbed the glass of water, taking a swing of the liquid before he made his way to the door and opened it.
“Fucking finally, I thought I was gonna have to die out here before you open the damn door.”
A little too on the nose for Izuku’s taste but no one else has to know. “Kacchan, what a pleasant sight. What can I do for you?”
Kacchan squinted his eyes at him. He looked Izuku up and down for a moment before reaching his hand out and placing it on Izuku’s head. “Heard you came back late last night and that you looked like shit earlier today.”
Izuku let him keep his hand there for a moment longer before he leaned back and swatted the hand away, “Im fine.”
“I'm sure you are and that's why you slept all day.” Kacchan moved away from the doorway. “Come on then, fucker. I made dinner.”
Dinner? He’d slept until dinner? How the fuck did he manage that?
Izuku stepped out of his room with nothing left to say and followed Kacchan to the first floor where the rest of the class sat at the dining tables. Food was laid all around each table where people were seated. Some even pulled chairs from other tables to try and squeeze in where there was space. Honestly with all the tables they had lying around it wasn't even needed with how many chairs they tried to shoved together in an eight seater table.
Between the way too crowded table and the way less emptier table that sat right next to it, Izuku pulled a chair out and sat down right next to Jirou who seemed to have the same idea as him. Izuku grabbed one of the empty plates and piled on some food. Kacchan having been the one to cook isn't surprising, but having cooked this much food? The chair on the opposite side of Izuku was pulled out and Kacchan sat down and set his already full plate down on the table in front of him.
“Bro, what are you doing? I thought you were gonna sit here?” Izuku looked up to notice Kirishima leaning back in his chair at where Kacchan just sat down. Hearing Kirishima speak, multiple people stopped their conversations and looked over. Ochako looked away from her conversation with Ashido and called Izuku over, “Deku! I saved you a seat! Come here.”
Izuku looked between his spot and the spot that Ochako pointed out. The chair was tightly squeezed between her and Asui. It looked like if Izuku tried to pull it out he’d end up pulling the two girls chairs along with his own.
“Yeah, I'm okay here. I already sat down and I don't want to inconvenience anyone over there by trying to squeeze in.” Inconvenience himself really, some elbow room while eating really is a blessing.
Ochako frowned at him and then turned to Ashido next to her. She said something then pushed her chair out and grabbed her plate making her way to where Izuku sat. Kirishima also abruptly pushed his chair out and almost knocked her over, causing her to stumble and raise her plate above her head trying to balance it. “Ei! What the fuck?”
“Oh shit. My bad, Ochako.” He grabbed her plate before it could fall from her hands. He grinned sheepishly at her before grabbing his own plate and making his way towards where Izuku and Kacchan sat.
He set her plate down and then dropped into the seat next to Izuku before she could protest. All she could do was huff an annoyed breath at him and sit at the chair next to Kacchan, diagonally from Izuku. “You're feeling better, Izuku. Earlier you could barely hold your eyes open long enough to open the door.”
Izuku moved his food around on his plate with his chopsticks. He picked up a chuck of rice and shoved it into his mouth before responding, “Yeah, I'm much better now. I was just so tired earlier. I don't know what happened.” Definitely nothing to do with him being up all right researching and crying.
Kirishima chewed loudly next to Izuku, he was already halfway done with his plate before Jirou slid down another rice bowl. He eagerly grabbed it up, added his little bit of rice to the new bowl and left the empty one forgotten in front of him. While he took another bite, he suddenly looked over at Izuku and pointed his chopsticks at him, “Didn't you say you went to the hospital yesterday for your arm?”
Izuku stared at the utensils pointed at him, “Yeah, just a dislocation and they fixed it right up.”
Jirou leaned over and pointed her own chopsticks right back at Kirishima, nodding her head as she spoke, “Right. Maybe the quirk that was used on you caused the drowsiness. I always slept like a log after I come back from Recovery Girl’s office.”
Kirishima nodded along with her words before going back to his food. “Make sense that you would sleep the day away after being healed.”
Normally, yeah. It would make sense. It still does actually. This perfectly explains why Izuku felt the way he did all day. But they didn't know what he did. They didn't know that the sleeping may or may not be symptoms from a tumor. Hell, Izuku didn't even know if this was a symptom. He’d have to go back into that office and find out.
Find out exactly what tumor he had and what that means for him going further. He wanted to Ignore this so fucking bad. Just forget everything that was said to him and go about his day.
But what about everyone else?
What about when Izuku finally croaks and it's in class? What if he's saving someone and he needs saving himself because he has a damn seizure?
Holy
Shit
What if he has a fucking seizure?
How will he be a hero after this?
The realization hits Izuku so hard at that moment. All his life Izuku has yearned for one thing, and that was to become a damn hero that saved anyone in need. Someone who would finally be there for the people who have no one around to help them. Someone who, in a crowd of people, notices the one person that struggling, calling out for help, and being right there able to save them.
How can Izuku do that while everyone knows he’s dying.
Izuku drops his chopsticks and stares at his food. Suddenly, any hunger he felt just vanished and was replaced with dread. The feeling was so thick and nauseating, twisting and turning in his stomach. The food that sat right in front of Izuku felt like it was getting further and further away. The longer he stared the more disfigured it became to the point where Izuku wasn't sure what exactly he was looking at anymore.
The urge to just leave right now was too strong to ignore. He needed to be alone. He couldn't sit here after this realization and act like everything was fine. Izuku pushed the chair back abruptly and stumbled away.
“I—I just remember. I was supposed to call my mom.” Izuku glanced up at everyone and his eyes locked with Kacchan’s narrowed eyes. He couldn't stay here any longer, Kacchan could read him like an open book. “I have to go.”
Without waiting for anyone's response, Izuku sped walked towards the stairs. The elevator would take too long and he didn't have time to just wait around. He started taking the stairs two at a time but didn't make it very fair before his wrist was caught in a tight hold.
“Deku, what's wrong.” Kacchans eyes flicked around, watching Izuku carefully. It felt like they burned through his soul trying to figure out what Izuku was hiding.
No one could find out, especially not Kacchan.
“Nothing wrong, Kacchan. I-I’m just not feeling well.”
Kirishima and Ochako stood just a few steps down behind Kacchan. God, If you're real out there, please help me escape.
“I just remember my mom is all. You know how she gets and after everything that's happened she's so overprotective now. I'm scared that she'll fly off the handle and drag me out of school if I don't calm her down and explain the situation. she probably saw the news about that villain attack yesterday and has had five panic attacks by now.” I'm sorry mom. Please forgive me for using your feelings this way.
Kacchan relaxed his grip on Izuku’s wrist and took a step back down a step. He threw his head back and laughed, “Holy shit, you're right. You freaked out so suddenly I thought something was actually wrong. I forget how nervous auntie got over any little thing. She used to cry herself to sleep over a scratched knee you got at the playground when we were four.”
Izuku gave Kacchan an easy going smile, “Yeah, and seeing how I went to the hospital yesterday and haven't called her at all, I'm sure she’s crying herself dry. I really don't want her to worry any longer and since I slept all day I wanna call her now.” Izuku took the last few steps up until he was on his floor. “I left my phone in my room. Can you just put my plate in the fridge? I'll eat it later. I'm sure this call will take the rest of dinner time and I don't want it to stay out.”
The others already went down the stairs, seeing how it seemed nothing serious was going on. “Yeah, I got it. Go call your mom, loser.” With that Kacchan walked down the stairs and turned the corner without stopping or looking back. Izuku waited a second before he sprinted down the hallway to his room. He locked the door behind him just in case anyone changed their mind and wanted to check on him, they couldn't just walk in.
Even though he said all that as an excuse for Kacchan, he really should call his mom. He wants to just sit here and cry and scream and throw shit around. He really does, but the idea of talking to his mom, even just about a sore arm, and to listen to her worry about him and just care is too tempting to ignore.
Izuku sits in his desk chair with a loud sigh and grabs his phone off his desk. He pulls up her contact and presses call. The phone rings two times before it clicks and a soft voice filters through. “Hey, baby. What’s up.”
Of course now is when tears start to prick at the corners of izuku's eyes. His mother doesn't even know he could die soon. Izuku pulls the phone away from his face and clears his throat softly, when he's ready he places the phone back against his ear.
“Hey mom. What are you doing now.”
She hums on the other end. “I'm just washing dishes from dinner. I invited Mitsuki over and we spent the day together.”
“Oh, that sounds nice. Did you do anything fun?”
“Not really? We just spent the day lounging around watching movies. Hey, do you mind if I put you on speaker? It's hard to hold the phone up and wash.”
“Yeah, go ahead. Tell aunt Mitsuki I said hi.”
“Tell her yourself, she's right here— Hi Izuku! I haven't seen you in a minute!”
Izuku laughed at the interruption, he grabbed his pen that sat on his desk and swirled it around his fingers, leaning back in his chair as he talked. “Hey. Yeah it's been a while.”
Izuku could hear the water running in the background of the call, some shuffling before Mitsuki's voice was clearer as if she stole the phone from his mom’s hands. “I saw you on the news yesterday. Some villains attacked but it seemed to be over pretty quickly.”
“Right, yeah. It was some low level villain. His quirk was cool though, made you feel as if you were falling if you got too close to him. Very distorting but once we got close he was easy to deal with. Dislocated my shoulder though in the take down.”
Inko’s voice popped up louder, “Oh no, was it bad?”
Izuku spun in his chair, swirling the pen. “Nah, I didn't even feel it. Got it treated and I'm good as new if a little sore.”
“That's great, baby.”
“You seem a little too calm about this Inko, normally you'd be all bent out of shape.” Mitsuki spoke up and Izuku was inclined to agree. This was a little too relaxed for his mom.
“Well that's just because I trust Izuku. After all he's been through, I know he could handle himself well and if something happened I'm sure he’d tell me.” The dishes clattered in the background as she handled them and Mitsuki replied back but their voices faded away.
Oh.
What the hell was Izuku supposed to do with that?
How was he supposed to react when his mom places her trust in Izuku like this. That he’d tell her if something was wrong? Because something was wrong. Really, really, fucking wrong and he’s just sitting here with every chance to speak up about it and choosing not to tell her.
And how could he? How could he tell her that instead of everything being okay, that all he has isn’t just a sore fucking arm but also a tumor growing in his head waiting for the chance to kill him at any moment it fucking pleases.
How could he break such depressing news to her that her only child, who's in life or death situations all the time, won't even have to wait for a villain to get him. No, his body will most definitely get him a lot sooner than anyone else could.
How could he tell her that?
“Honey, are you still there?”
Izuku wiped the tears that started rapidly falling down his face. He tried to clear his throat from the thick feeling of tears, “Y-yeah mom. I'm still here.”
“Sorry baby, can I call you back tomorrow? Mitsuki started opening the wine and baby books and that needs to be supervised,” She laughed beautifully. Honestly, everything about his mom was perfect. Everything but him.
Izuku tried his best not to sound like he was about to cry but he couldn't help it if his laugh came out a little wet sounding, “Go ahead! I'll talk to you later. I love you, mom.”
“Love you too, sweetie” The call clicked off.
Izuku pulled his phone from his ear and stared at her contact photo until his screen went dark. Once his phone went dark and he caught a glimpse of his face in the reflection of his black screen his eyes watered until his vision blurred away the sight. He bent over and pressed the phone to his forehead, letting out a shaky breath.
He banged the phone against his head over and over again and sobbed into the screen. She didn't deserve this. She didn't deserve all this headache and heartbreak Izuku was giving her. Izuku threw his phone across the room, not caring where it ended up as long as it was away from him.
He felt like screaming until his voice was hoarse and brittle. Felt like throwing things around until everything around him was broken and in shambles. Anything to ruin and get rid of this tight feeling that clamped around his throat forcing his lungs to pull too little air and his heart to beat way too fucking fast. The room was spinning yet he was still seated in his chair.
Izuku stood up from his chair and saw more than felt green lighting light up around his body. Even with a strength enhancing quirk activated, Izuku has never felt so weak before and he falls to his knees on the floor. He lets his quirk power off as he curls into a ball on the floor, pressing his knees into his chest and keeping his arms tight against him pressed into his face.
He wishes he could just curl up and disappear. Away from this cruel world that did nothing but take, take, and take from him. None of this made any sense, with everything that's happened to him, Izuku alway thought that while the world is cruel it's not injustice. Even if it seems everything is against you, fate is only ever mean, she was never just plain unfair.
Izuku was wrong though.
Fate was the biggest bitch around and she’d made sure Izuku knew it. Nothing he did or could ever do would take him away from her cold grasp she has over his life.
Izuku knew, now as his breathing got too fast, now as his vision was flickering in and out, he knew that whatever good saving grace he thought the world had was a lie. Plain and simple.
Nothing was fair and if you couldn't accept that truth, then you weren't cut out for this world.
Izuku had it right before when he was 14.
He should've jumped when he had the chance.
Notes:
writing this here since this is my most recent work but i’m thinking of starting my crack feral izuku series back up again. I was reading the comments and saw some amazing ideas plus i already have some half written ones that just need to be finished/edited before posting.
Stay tuned ig i’ll see what i can whip up.
Chapter 3: wanting to take a step backward in time
Summary:
rasque n.
Pronounced /rask/“A moment you instantly wish you could take back, feeling a pulse of dread right after crossing the point of no return—a blurted confession, a hurled insult, a final decision you’d been waffling over for months—wanting to take just one step backward in time, reverting to the way things used to be, in the halcyon days of just a minute ago.”
Notes:
Okay not gonna lie completely forgot about this fic for a min.
I just finished this chapter like not even 5 minutes ago and i’m already posting it because i feel bad.
If you see any mistakes kindly point them out and i’ll go back and fix it.
This is a raw out the oven chapter with no rereading to fix anything so.
Chapter Text
Izuku spent the rest of Saturday night and Sunday crying in his room. He didn’t budge from his spot on the floor for hours just drifting in and out from sleep to awareness to sleeping again.
Sleeping was so much better than staying awake. Being up meant that he was thinking about why he was laying on the floor curled up in his room. Thinking about all the things he’s never got to do and will probably never get to do in the future.
Being awake meant that Izuku had to do something about what was happening.
Izuku didn’t want to do anything.
All he wanted was to forget. He wanted to stay where he was on the nice cold floor, look at the ceiling and count the cracks he could see. Then fall back asleep and forget even for a little about what the crushing weight he has over him. Just to remind blissfully unaware of everything going on around him.
Eventually, when the hunger started to cramp in his stomach so painfully to the point where every movement he made him nauseous. Izuku finally got up from his spot on the floor.
Standing up so suddenly after spending the last 27 hours laying on his bedroom floor wasn’t such a good idea. Izuku grabbed into his desk to stop himself from falling over while he waited for his vision to adjust back from the sudden blindness. He blinked a few times while his eyes cleared up from pitch black nothingness to the mess of books and paper littered on his desk.
He felt his stomach clench and threw his hand over his mouth to stop anything from unexpectedly coming out.
This feeling was the worst. His head was throbbing with a sharp pain and he felt like if he moved too quickly he’d pass out on the floor and throw up everywhere.
Not that he had anything in his body to throw up at this point.
Izuku glanced at the clock on his desk.
4:37 AM
He had class in less than 4 hours.
First thing first he needed to get some food into him right fucking now. If he had to stand here and suffer this intense cramping any longer he really might just end it all.
Slowly, Izuku made his way to his door and unlocked it. He didn’t make it very far after that because the second he opened the door his eyes found a tray on the floor. The tray had a sandwich as well as multiple different drinks and snacks that Izuku knew wouldn’t even last a day in the dorms.
Izuku stood there with his eyes wide, looking at the tray before he bent down and slowly picked it up. He turned to walk back into his room when his eyes caught a post-it stuck to his door.
Izuku walked to his desk to set the tray down before he went back to pluck the note from his door. He closed his door and flicked the lights on in the room before he looked at the note.
Izuku, I'm worried about you. You haven’t left your room all day since last night. Did something happen? Is it your mom?
If something’s going on Izuku please just talk to me. The last time something happened and you thought you could handle it by yourself you were a vigilante for weeks.
I love you, Izuku. You are my best friend and I'll always be here for you. Please just let me in.
Let me help you.
Ochako.
P.S. Katsuki made you some food. I'm leaving it in front of your door.
Please eat.
I’ll see you in class tomorrow.
What the fuck is he even doing?
He is so shit at hiding anything clearly.
Izuku sighed and sat on his desk chair. He really needs to get himself together already.
Suddenly Izuku sat up straight. There’s no way he's just gonna let himself die like this. He did not go through his whole life fighting just to give up now that things are looking a little rough.
No way in hell is this how he goes out.
Izuku moved the tray to the side to grab his notebook underneath. The empty label stared at him and Izuku grabbed his pen and wrote the new name for his notebook.
Hero analysis #105: A new beginning
Izuku felt satisfied with the name. Nothing flashy or special at first glance but this book was different.
This was Izuku’s first notebook that was dedicated to himself.
This book was gonna be for him, about him, by him.
He opened the book and flipped past the pages of research all the way to the last page. On the top of the page he wrote Things I want to do. If he was gonna die, he’d die only after he completed this list.
He won’t give up hope. He’s gonna fight like hell.
Izuku started writing numbers going down the lines. Honestly he wasn’t sure how long he wanted the list to be because there were so many things he wanted to do in his lifetime. He’s sure that he hasn’t even thought of half the things he’d eventually want to do.
For now he’s just gonna list the top 5 things he’d want to do before he dies.
Izuku's stomach grumbled as he thought about what he wanted to write. He grabbed the sandwich next to him and took a bite. As he chewed, he clicked the back of his pen against the table. What should he write?
He glanced around his room for any ideas and he ended up staring at the post-it he’d found stuck to his door.
He could start with that.
He took another bite out of his sandwich and cracked open a drink. Slowly he filled out the rest of his list and after he was done eating, Izuku clicked his pen close and stared at the page.
5 Things I want to do
- Tell someone about his tumor.
- Throw a party
- Learn to cook ( Like actually good edible food)
- Go on a class trip where nothing bad happens
- Go to the hospital and get the test done.
Izuku leaned back in his chair. This seemed less like an i’m about to die list and more like a what should I do this week list.
Not really what Izuku was going for but it’s a start. He could always add more later.
He looked at the list and squinted his eyes. He felt like he needed more of a long term goal.
What was something he wanted to do that would take a while to achieve and give him long lasting benefits?
Izuku knew he wanted to become the greatest hero and reach number one on the charts but he was still in school and that would take too long to achieve. He wanted something he could still do while in school but would last him until his adulthood or his possible incoming death.
Izuku stared at the book for a while before he grabbed his pen again and wrote:
6. Fall in love
It seemed a little too cliche for Izuku to be writing this. It fits the part but will he really be able to do it? Falling in love seemed impossible and almost too cruel to imagine. Who would he even love to the point where he’d want to spend the rest of his life with them at this age? He was only seventeen and he does love plenty of people already.
But he wasn’t in love with any of them.
Then there’s also the fact that if he does manage to do it and they somehow love him back then they both have to deal with the fact that he’s dying.
To love someone like that then force them to watch him die seemed wrong for Izuku to do.
He couldn’t do that to someone he loved.
Fall in love
He’d just have to wait for the tumor to go away to fall in love.
Izuku closed the notebook and glanced at his clock.
5:43AM
He’d normally be up around this time to work out before class. Even though it pains Izuku to the point of reconsidering, he’s gonna skip his workout today. He wants to take his shower and get ready then maybe he could work on his list and call the hospital to schedule an appointment.
With his morning planned out Izuku started to gather his clothes so he could head to the bathroom for his shower.
His stomach grumbled.
Guess that sandwich wasn’t enough. Izuku put down his uniform and went downstairs to the kitchen bringing his empty plate with him. He quickly made himself a bowl of cereal and while he was at it started a pot of coffee. Everyone drinks coffee; it's the only way they could survive in the dorms.
He ate his cereal while he waited for the coffee to brew. No one was downstairs yet and Izuku was starting to feel antsy because what if someone walked in on him here and decided to start questioning him about what happened yesterday? What if it’s Ochako? What if it’s Kacchan?
Izuku felt a shiver at the thought. Kacchan would never let him hear the end of it if he caught him. Izuku wasn’t ready yet for anyone to corner him. He hasn’t even had his morning coffee yet.
Izuku watched as the pot filled up less than a quarter of the way. That was enough for him to make a cup so Izuku stopped the machine and pulled the pot out to pour the freshly brewed coffee into a mug. He put the pot back into the machine and started it again so whoever comes down next would already have fresh brewed coffee waiting for them.
Izuku grabbed his mug and took a much needed sip of the black coffee. He never really used sugar or milk with his coffee because he needed all the energy he could get and the taste is an added bonus in waking him right the hell up every morning.
Izuku quickly made his way upstairs with his mug. He wanted to shower now so he didn’t accidentally bump into anyone but he also didn’t want his coffee to get cold waiting for him to finish.
Izuku grabbed his clothes and his mug and made his way to the showers. He was just gonna have to drink his coffee as he washed up.
When Izuku was done with his shower, caffeinated and fully dressed and ready for the day it was only seven and he still had an hour to kill before class.
He should just stop procrastinating and call the damn hospital. If he didn’t do it now he’d have to do it after classes were out and that seemed like an even worse time to do it. Everyone will be all over him asking questions about what happened yesterday and he’d never remember to do it.
Izuku sighed.
He was about to have a long day.
Izuku looked at his desk for his phone. When he couldn’t find it there he flipped his blankets around hoping for his phone to fly out.
Izuku suddenly remembered how he’d thrown his phone away after his call with his mom. Of course he threw his phone without looking and had no idea where it was.
Just his fucking luck.
Izuku sat in his chair and tried to recreate the moment where he threw his phone and tracked the path the phone flew.
Once that method failed him he tried to look around the area where his phone might have landed and he found it wedged between the floor and the side of his closet that wasn’t quite flushed against the wall.
His phone was cracked and dead.
He plugged his phone up and popped open his laptop to kill time while he waited for his phone to power on.
Since he’s here he should probably search up the hospital's number.
Actually, shouldn’t he just call the doctor he talked to?
Izuku looked around the room for the clothes he was wearing on Friday. He hopefully stuffed the business card he received into his pocket and didn’t throw it away.
He didn’t throw it away right?
Izuku shuffled through his closet and laundry bag until he found the pants he was wearing on Friday. Moment of truth.
He stuck his hand into each pocket until thankfully he pulled out a crumpled up card from his back pocket.
Izuku threw the pants to the floor and straightened out the card.
His phone was on now and without waiting any longer since he knows he’ll start to hesitate. Izuku opened up the phone app and started pressing in the numbers on the card.
He immediately pressed the green call button and held the phone into his ear listening to the ringing until the line clicked to show that the other person had picked up.
“Good Morning, how can I help you?”
Izuku's hands started to tremble and he gripped the paper card harder reading the name off of it, “Good morning, i’m trying to get into contact with doctor—“ Izuku squinted at the card cause there’s no way this is the doctor's actual last name right? “—Octor? Is this correct? I'm sorry the card I got says Dr. Octer. Is that correct?”
The person laughed through the phone, “Yes. That’s correct. We get that a lot his last name is pronounced Doctor without the D. My name is Max and I'm his assistant. How can I help you?”
Izuku chewed at his lip nervously. Now that he was here he was even more anxious than before, his heart was practically pounding out his chest. “I was at the hospital on Friday and he was my doctor. He asked me to schedule another appointment with him so I can get some tests done?”
Izuku heard typing loudly through the phone, “Yes! I can definitely help you with that, may I get your name please?”
“Midoriya Izuku.”
“Midoriya Izuku.. let me see.” Izuku heard them humming and clicking on their mouse for a few moments before they spoke up again. “Yes, I see you here. Izuku Midoriya was admitted after a villain encounter with a dislocated shoulder. You got some scans done too.”
Izuku listened to them as he looked around his room for his bluetooth headphones. He didn’t want to hold his phone up anymore and setting it to the speaker is just asking for someone to overhear. Once he found them he connected them to his phone.
“Okay I see. I can schedule an appointment for you, what date would work best?”
“Anything this week preferably. I want to get the scans done now to see what timeline I'm working with.”
Izuku heard more clicking before they spoke up again, “Does tomorrow work? I have a last minute cancellation. Is 3:00 pm good?”
Izuku looked at the calendar he had hanging on the wall above his desk. Tuesdays were academic days where he didn’t have hero training. He doesn’t know how he’ll convince Aizawa to let him skip the last two classes of the day but he’ll figure it out. The sooner the better and all that.
“Yeah that would work.” More seemingly aggressive typing before they said, “Great. I have you all set. I’ll see you tomorrow at 3 pm for your appointment with Dr. Octer.”
“Thank you so much.” Izuku didn’t let them say anything else and just hung up the call. He let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding and slumped down on his chair. That was the easiest yet most nerve wracking thing Izuku has ever done, and he was literally in a war not that long ago.
With that over, Izuku glanced at the time.
7:36 am
Izuku sighed. Was it just him or was time moving so freaking slow today?
Izuku grabbed his bag from the floor and started shoveling his books and loose papers on the desk into the bag. He didn’t want to even look through his desk to figure out what he needed for class so everything is going into his bag for now. Once his bag was full and zipped and his desk was empty, Izuku pushed his chair back and made his way out the room, towards the elevators.
As much as he doesn’t want to talk to anyone, it's better to just get it over with. He’d rather go through the tortured questions now then have everyone crowding his desk every chance they got.
Izuku walked to the common area to see who was lounging around before class.
“Hey, Midobro.” Kaminari’s loud greeting caused a few eyes to swing over to Izuku’s direction. Izuku waved and said a quick, “Good Morning guys!” Before he dropped his bag on the floor beside the couch and walked to the kitchen.
Coffee twice in two hours wasn’t great but it was necessary to get Izuku through the day.
Izuku grabs a mug and pour the rest of the coffee in the pot into his cup. He filled the cup to the top and to make sure there’s absolutely zero waste, Izuku waterfalls the last sip of coffee from the pot into his mouth.
“It can not be this bad. Is this what we are doing now?” Izuku turned to watch Kacchan at the kitchen entrance. He was leaning against the doorway shaking his head. “I don’t care what happened to you that made you stay locked in your room. It’s never bad enough to do this.” He walked over to Izuku and yanked the coffee pot out of his hand. “You have a mug full already, leave the pot alone. Didn’t your mother teach you manners? Fucking nasty.”
Izuku put his mug to his mouth and mumbled, “It was a waterfall.” Before taking a sip of his coffee. Kacchan whipped around to look at Izuku and Izuku wasn’t ready to start anything so he took his loss and made his way out of the kitchen.
“And where do you think you're going?”
“To class?” Izuku knew better than to stop walking as he replied. Kacchan was a different type of beast, the second he stopped it would’ve been over. Quickly walking back to his bag, Izuku threw it over his shoulder and went over to the door to put his shoes on.
This is where he might have fucked up.
What he should’ve done was quickly shove his feet into his shoes and walk out the door no matter how awkward of a walk it would’ve been with his foot not all the way in.
But instead he stopped by the door and set his mug carefully to the floor so he could slip his shoes on and that’s when he was surrounded.
Exactly what he didn’t want. To be sitting and surrounded with no way to escape.
It’s definitely way too early for this bullshit.
“Deku what happened?” Ochako came beside Izuku on the floor and started putting her shoes on as she talked.
Izuku had a plan. He’s not sure how well it’s gonna work but it’s something.
“Nothing happened. I just spent all weekend doing this deep dive search on the new All Might movie that I heard is coming out in a few months and I was trying to find out what it was gonna be about and then I got distracted and got lost in this fan-chat rabbit hole where everyone was talking about how—“
Ochako sighed in relief, “Thank god that’s all. I was really worried, Deku.”
Izuku stood up and grabbed his mug and bag from the floor next to him. “Oh yeah, no. I’m fine. I just got so into it that I didn’t even realize time was flying by.”
Ochako smiled at him as Shouto walked by them and waved at them to follow him out.
“You can tell me about that All might movie at lunch Deku.” Ochako walked past him and jogged after Shouto, grabbing him while she waited for Izuku to catch up.
Izuku walked to them and Shouto made grabby hands at the mug he was holding. Izuku handed the mug over for Shouto to get his few sips in before Izuku killed it.
Now Izuku had to actually do some research on a new movie that is not even coming out.
What the hell is he doing?
——————
After morning classes were over and they were let go for lunch break Izuku promised Ochako that he would be quick but he needed to talk to Aizawa about something.
Now that he’s actually standing in front of the teachers lounge, Izuku’s having second thoughts.
It’s just a normal doctor's appointment.
What could go wrong? It’s not like he’ll say no.
Izuku took a deep breath before he knocked and slid the door open.
Walking into the teachers lounge felt like an unspeakable mistake. Izuku kept reminding himself that he’s not in trouble and he came here of his own free will.
“Midoriya? What brings you in here, sweets?” Midnight looked up from her desk closest to the door. She was the only one in the room at the moment.
Here goes nothing.
“I’m here for Aizawa? I have to speak to him about something.” Izuku fiddled with his hands, pulling at his fingers while he waited for her to speak.
Midnight glanced at his hands before raising a brow, “Something wrong? You look nervous.”
Izuku waved his hands in front of him, speaking quickly. “Oh no! Nothing’s wrong, I just have a doctor's appointment tomorrow and I have to get permission to leave campus.”
Midnight laughed and pointed to a corner in the back of the room. “Over there.”
Izuku thanked her and walked further into the room, only to find a yellow sleeping bag curled up in the corner on the floor.
Izuku swallowed loudly, better to just get it over with.
“Mr. Aizawa?”
What was Izuku supposed to do? Kick the bag?
Instead of risking suspension, Izuku crouched down wrapping one arm around his knees and with his other hand lightly poked the bag.
No movement or sound came from the lump in the bag and Izuku looked around to see if this was a joke. Midnight smiled at him from her desk and gave a thumbs up.
Izuku sighed and reached out and poked the bag again a little harder. Nothing happened.
Izuku then drummed his fingers on the bag, seeing if multiple pokes at once caused any reaction.
Finally the bag grumbled and zipped open, revealing tired red eyes and messy black hair.
“What do you want?”
Izuku jumped at the sudden movement and got up. “Sorry to bother you Mr. Aizawa. But um…” Izuku trailed off and pulled on his fingers as he looked back at Midnight for some moral support.
She was looking down at her desk and didn’t glance up when Izuku stopped talking. Izuku suddenly felt faint.
He turned back to Aizawa and quickly said, “I need an off campus pass for tomorrow.”
He wanted to close his eyes and hold his breath but he’s been trying to gain more confidence around his teachers lately and held himself back.
Aizawa sighed loudly and unzipped the bag. He climbed out and walked over to his desk, beckoning Izuku to follow.
He threw himself into his chair once he got to his desk and started shuffling papers, “Why do you need a pass?”
“I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow at 3. It was the only time slot they had available.”
Izuku had his breath at the sigh his teacher gave. “Why aren’t you going to Recovery Girl?”
“Oh! um. I got my arm dislocated on Friday and the doctor asked me to schedule a second appointment. I’m not really sure what it’s about so…”
Izuku felt pale when Aizawa said nothing and just stared at him silently. It felt like forever before the teacher spoke again, “Okay, you said it’s at three?”
Izuku nodded his head, “Yes.” Aizawa pulled out a paper and started to scribble on it.
“That’s during class time. Get the classwork and whatever homework from someone. You’re responsible for making sure you don’t get left behind.”
Izuku nodded along as his eyes tracked Aizawa’s hand moving along the paper. Once everything was filled, Aizawa handed the paper over and Izuku had to hold himself back from snatching it from his hands.
“Go to lunch, brat.”
Izuku thanked him and waved bye to Midnight as he practically ran out the door, clutching the paper to his chest.
He felt like he was doing something wrong. He should’ve just told Aizawa what the appointment was for and been done with it. He was the best teacher Izuku never had and lying to him felt horrible.
Izuku shoved the paper into his bag and he walked to the lunchroom.
He doesn’t even know anything yet. Izuku will just have to tell him about everything after the appointment and go from there.
Chapter 4: changing fate
Summary:
Tarrion n.
Pronounced /Tar-ee-uhn/“An odd interval of blankness you feel after something big happens to you but before you feel the resulting emotional reaction—stunned by a sudden loss, a stroke of luck, or an unexpected visitor—like those tension-lled seconds between a ash of lightning and the thunderclap that follows, which gives you a hint of how near you are to the coming storm.”
Notes:
I know i haven't uploaded this story in a while and it looks like i abandoned it but fear not this is not an abandoned work. I wont lie it has been 1...3...7.. about 9 months since i last updated this with a new chapter. My deeply sincere apologies for this btw. I had the worst writers block and then life got me and fucked up my knee it was a whole thing. Anyways im back. So here's chapter 4...yaayyy.
(Side note for this chapter. We are pretending that this all makes sense and that there is no quirk that can magically cure Izuku. We are also pretending cancer is still a thing in the mha universe. honestly i stopped giving a fucked after a while if some things are possible so lets just agree everything i write is possible and it all makes sense in this world.
Also i tried to search up the age of medical consent in Japan and all i got was the age for sexual consent which helps me none so we are also pretending you need to be 18 or older to make major decisions involving your health otherwise if you are younger you need a parent or guardian with you the whole time to make the decisions on your behalf.)
no more talking from me lets just get to the story
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
The next day at around two, Izuku started to pack his things up in the middle of class. He didn’t even make it one step before Kacchan grabbed his wrist and stopped him in his tracks. “Where are you going?”
Izuku looked around the class to see if anyone noticed and after a quick glance it turned out that everyone was listening intensely. Izuku laughed nervously at the attention. “It’s just a doctor's appointment, don’t worry.”
Izuku forcibly pried his hand away and walked to the podium where Present Mic was standing. He pulled out the permission pass he’d gotten from Aizawa and Present Mic stopped mid-speech to glance at the paper before he nodded his head and waved Izuku away to the door.
The walk to the hospital wasn’t as bad as it had been when he was walking back to the dorms.
When he arrived through the door, he walked up to the check-in desk.
“Appointment for Izuku Midoriya.”
The receptionist was nodding and her fingers were flying across her keyboard. She smiled at him when she finished and gestured for him to take a seat, all without speaking a word. When Izuku walked over to the seating area, he barely sat down for a minute before he was called for his appointment even though he was thirty minutes early.
“Izuku, I'm glad you came back.”
Izuku sat in the same spot as he did just four days ago. He pulled at his fingers and looked around the room at all the achievement medals and awards hung up on the walls. There were just so many things everywhere and Izuku would take any distraction he could get right now.
“How are you feeling?”
Izuku looked back at the doctor. He picked at the side of his nail, scratching at the skin there. “Fine, I guess. Not really sure how I’m supposed to be feeling.”
“And that’s perfectly okay. I know this is scary, Izuku. Today I wanna get as much done as we can so I can get you all the answers you need.”
Izuku nodded along. “Do you have a parent or guardian with you?”
Izuku felt like he heard a record scratch at those words. “Do I need one?”
The doctor just raised his brow, “If you're under the age of 18 you need a parent or guardian to consent to a biopsy.”
Izuku felt his eyes pop out of his head, “I’m sorry, what? biopsy?” Izuku pointed at his head. “Like here? In my brain?”
The doctor nodded, “Yes. It’s a simple procedure where we can see what type and grade the tumor is.”
Izuku laughs hysterically, “Simple, he says.”
The doctor ignored Izuku and continued on, “We need consent from a guardian or parent to do the procedure. I recommend getting it done today in order to figure out your treatment plan. Then we also need to start on—“
Izuku zoned out the doctor's words. This is insane. This is all just some crazy dream. There’s no way he needs any of this done to him. It was a mistake. The scan was a mistake. It wasn’t his brain, it was someone else’s. Nothing else made sense. How did any of this make sense? Izuku needs to find someone to explain to him how any of this makes sense because for the life of him he can’t seem to figure it out.
“This is a mistake.”
The doctor stops at Izuku’s interruption. “I'm sorry?”
Izuku stares at his hands. Twisting and pulling on his fingers as he talks, “You're wrong.”
“Izuku.”
Izuku looks up at the doctor with teary eyes. “Bad doctors misdiagnose people all the time.”
“If you want, I can refer you to a different doctor.” Dr. Octor sighed. “Izuku. You won't find what you're looking for. There’s no one to lie to you.”
Izuku turned his head as the tears finally fell down his face. “Who are you to tell me I'm dying? I'm healthy. I can do any physical activity there is. I can run a hundred miles in a minute. How can I believe that after all that I'm just dying?” Izuku stood up and wiped his face. He looked back at the doctor, “This isn't fair. Why me? What did I do to deserve this?!”
The doctor stares at Izuku for a minute before saying, “It's not fair, but it's not your fault, Izuku.”
“I won't die.” Izuku shaked his head at the doctor. “I can't die. This won't kill me.”
“Then let's do the biopsy—”
“I’m a student at U.A.” Izuku cuts the doctor off in the middle of whatever he was saying. The doctor just looks at Izuku and nods. “Yes, I'm well aware of your place of education.”
“Would my home room teacher be able to be my guardian?” Izuku couldn’t ask his mom. It would kill her.
Besides, he needs someone stable. Someone he can fall into without them falling apart themselves. He loves his mom, but that isn’t her.
“I’m not sure if the school has that kind of permission, I'm sorry.”
He can’t call his mom. He just can’t. “Can you please give me a minute to make a call?”
“Go ahead.”
Izuku stood up and walked to the windows on the other side of the room. His fingers trembled over his cracked screen as he pressed in the number and pressed call.
“Hello?”
Izuku inhales sharply when the phone is picked up on the first ring. He wasn’t ready and now he doesn’t even know where to start.
“Hello? Midoriya?” The voice on the other end gets louder.
Izuku lets out a shaken breath, “Mr. Aizawa.”
“What happened?”
Izuku shakes his head even though he knows his teacher can’t see him. “Nothing, nothing. um. I just have a question. This might sound a little strange but do you have the power of guardianship over me? Can you make decisions on my behalf like a parent could?”
Izuku heard a loud bang on the other line before he heard his teacher speak, “What is this about? Did something happen?”
He should’ve told him yesterday. That way he wouldn’t be put on the spot like this and forced to stutter his way through one of the worst phone calls of his life.
Izuku felt tears go down his face and he knew his voice sounded thick with emotion, “I’m at my doctor's appointment and something happened.” Izuku's voice went high and he tried to laugh it off. He looked down at the window seal and picked at the chipping paint with his fingernail, he cleared his throat and said, “I can’t tell my mom so… I called you.”
“Yes, your mom signed a contract last year that states that the school and its teachers have permission to act as a legal guardian through the time you're enrolled here.”
Izuku peeled away the paint and flicked it to the floor. He placed his phone down for a moment and used both his hands to wipe his face roughly before he picked the phone up again and turned around to look at the doctor. He had a frown on his face but smiled when he noticed Izuku looked at him. Izuku nods at the doctor, “He says he has permission to act as a legal guardian.”
“Midoriya, tell me what’s wrong.”
“That’s great, Izuku. How long would it take him to get here to sign off?”
“Mr. Aizawa, the doctor asked— I heard what he said. I’m not signing anything until I know what the hell is going on!”
Izuku pulled the phone away from his ear as Aizawa's voice got loud and serious.
Izuku really didn’t want to cry anymore. Especially not in front of his doctor. Izuku cleared his throat and tried to smile at the doctor. “Is there a private bathroom I can go to? I’ll be quick.”
Dr. Octor was very good at controlling his expression because he kept his easy going grin and nodded at Izuku’s request. “Yes, down the hall and to the right.”
Izuku thanked him and hurried to walk to the bathroom as directed.
“ Midoriya? Explain why you need guardian permission.”
Izuku ignored his teacher until he was in the bathroom and the door was locked.
Izuku leaned back in the door and slid down to the floor. Not caring at all about all the horrible stuff that must have touched the floor he's sitting on. The only thing on his mind was how the hell was he supposed to say this.
“Izuku, I’m on my way to the hospital but explain what is happening? Are you injured?”
“No.”
“ Then—” Izuku cuts him off. “I’m not injured, Mr. Aizawa. But…I—I think—I,” Izuku blows out a breath of air. “I might be dying?”
That was the first time he’s said it out loud to someone since he found out. Saying it felt like a weight off his chest and a death sentence all at once. Izuku couldn’t shake off the feeling of impending doom he felt after those words left his mouth.
“What?”
Izuku’s voice cracked when he tried to speak. He cleared his throat but it didn't help. “I—um. I have a—” Izuku cut himself off with a sob. No matter how hard he tried, the tears wouldn't stop. There was no way Izuku was going to tell his teacher that he had a brain tumor over the phone. “Can—can you just come? P-please?”
“Five minutes. Give me five minutes.”
Izuku sat on the floor of the bathroom crying into the phone. He didn't even notice when the call disconnected until he heard a knock on the door.
“Midoriya?”
Izuku wiped his face with his sleeve and stood up. He took a deep breath and opened the door to his teacher standing on the other side. Aizawa immediately grabbed Izuku’s arm and whatever strength Izuku had disappeared. Izuku crumbled into his teacher and cried into his sweater.
“Izuku… tell me what happened.”
Izuku couldn't even speak. His legs felt weak and ready to buckle under his weight. There was no way he could tell him. Izuku couldn't say it.
“Excuse me? Are you his guardian?”
“Yes. I'm his homeroom teacher.”
“I'm Izuku's doctor. If you would follow me to my office, I'll explain.”
Izuku let himself get led away and seated into the same chair that sealed his fate before. Izuku tried to take steading breaths in order to calm his crying down.
“What is this about? Izuku said…over the phone he said that he was—I'm sorry I can't even finish that sentence. Is he…?”
The doctor sighed. “Yes, well. I'm sorry to be the one to tell you but Izuku has a brain tumor. From the scans it's pressing on his prefrontal cortex which affects…”
Izuku zoned out the rest of the conversation until Aizawa grabbed his hand and held it in a tight grip.
“You can do it today?”
“Yes, as long as he hasn't eaten today. Izuku?”
Izuku jolted when Aizawa squeezed his hand roughly. “Yes? I-what?”
“Have you eaten?”
Izuku looked between the two men and shook his head. “No, I couldn't eat this morning and I felt too nervous at lunch.”
“That's great.”
Izuku looked at the Doctor confused, “I'm sorry? How is this great…?”
“We'll be able to do the biopsy today. We'll need to put you under for the procedure and we can't do that unless you have an empty stomach.”
“Okay.”
Everything was happening so fast. Even if it was a few hours that went by, for Izuku it felt like seconds before he was laying on a bed and they were wheeling him into a private room for the biopsy.
“Izuku, I have to call your mom.”
Izuku gripped his teacher's hand tight and turned his head against the pillows to face him. “You can’t. You promised. U.A. is my guardian. My mom doesn’t need to know.”
Aizawa sighed. “She’s your mom.”
“I know.” Izuku looked at their clenched hands and squeezed. “I’ll tell her. After I get some good news then I'll tell her.”
“You promise?”
Izuku nodded and looked at Aizawa. “I promise. The second I get good news I'll tell her.”
The doctors stopped in front of the doors with an “employee only” sign. “This is as far as you go.”
Aizawa looked down at Izuku and brought a hesitant hand up to his hair. “Okay. This is my stop, Izuku. I’ll see you when you get out.”
“Okay. Okay.” Izuku squeezed Aizawa's hand tighter. Tears fell down the corners of Izuku's eyes into the pillow below. His jaw was clenched tight and he whispered, “I’m scared.”
Aizawa’s hand was firmer on Izuku’s head, petting down curls and moving hair from his forehead. “Don’t be. It’ll just feel like a nap.”
“Okay.” Izuku closed his eyes and let go of Aizawa’s hand. The bed wheeled into the room before it was set up against a wall and the brakes were clipped down.
“Okay Izuku don’t worry.” Dr. Octor leaned over the bed. “This will be painless. We’ll knock you out and place these stickers on your temple. Then Diana here will use her quirk on you for the biopsy. It won’t even leave a mark.”
Diana waved from across the room and Izuku couldn’t help himself. “What’s your quirk?”
She stepped closer to the bed and smiled at Izuku. “My quirk allows me to detect and understand the working of the inner body. Very useful for internal injuries that one might not know is there. I’ll be able to figure out what type of tumor it is but the process is a bit alarming so it’s better for the patients to be asleep for this part.”
“So you know what’s the damage but can’t fix it?”
Diana smiled sadly at Izuku. “I’m sorry, I can’t fix it.”
Izuku nodded and a mask was placed over his face. “Okay Izuku. I want you to count backwards from 10.”
“10”
“9”
“…8”
——
When Izuku finally felt the feeling returning to him all he could think was heavy. Everything felt so damn heavy. He could feel the full weight of his entire body now better than he's ever felt before. His limbs felt like weights tying him down by the wrist and ankles. He tried to move, even the littlest bit, but nothing was working with Izuku.
He felt the barest twitch of his nose and his eyebrows furrowing down slightly before he gave up. His surroundings were slowly before more clear to him the longer he laid there. He could feel the warm thin sheets under his hands, the thick blanket weighing on his chest up to his collar bone covering everything all the way down to his feet. It felt like his hearing was coming back slowly, like someone turning up the volume one decibel at a time before the sound came crashing down on him. He could hear the steady beeping of a monitor, the slightly shuffling in the room. He heard someone come closer to him and even though he wanted to tense his body for the oncoming touch, he couldn't even move his tongue in his mouth.
Izuku lay completely still in bed even as he struggled to move something. Whatever they gave him to knock him out worked. It worked really damn well.
A cold, gloved hand pressed over his temple to check for his temperature before the hand moved the blanket over his chest slightly down and pulled his arm free. Izuku’s arm laid limp in their hand as they pressed over his wrist, checking for a pulse. After they were done, the hand moved up his arm and fiddled with something that caused a sharp pain to shoot from Izuku’s arm.
The pain felt like a pressured pinch right at the crook of his arm. Izuku’s face scrunched at the pain and the hand holding his arm slowly lowered it to his side, above the covers.
“Sorry, I had to check your I.V. and make sure it was still in place.”
Izuku tried to fight against the heaviness with more success this time as he twitched his fingers and scrunched his eyes. He heard someone shuffle around on the other side of the room before the steps came closer to the right side of his bed. Izuku swallowed the buildup of saliva in his mouth before he tried to crack his eyes open. They opened into a squint and closed quickly at the light. Izuku felt like the stiffness was slowly going away the move he fought against it, soon he tried to open his eyes again, this time was a little easier. He slowly blinked his eyes open and closed a few times before he opened his mouth and smacked his lips together at the dry soreness of his throat.
“Hey.”
Izuku blinked his eyes open wider this time and looked straight up at the white tiled ceiling above him. He sat in silence for a few more minutes while his body gained control once again. Izuku flickered his eyes around the ceiling before he strained them to his left to glance at the beeping monitor. Someone was standing there before he opened his eyes but now they're gone and all Izuku could see was the beeping machine displaying his vitals and a door that laid just a ways behind it.
“Midoriya? Are you with me?”
Izuku slowly flipped his head to his right and made eye contact with his teacher. His lips were so dry that when he cracked a smile, the strain of the stretch caused the skin to break and he quickly lost it. He stuck his tongue out to try and lick the dryness away before he attempted to speak.
“H-hey.”
The word came out rough and broken, barely recognizable with how hoarse his throat was. Mr. Aizawa reached over Izuku's head and Izuku felt the bed under him start to rise into a sitting position. He cleared his throat and tried again, “Ho—how’d it g-go.”
Once Izuku’s bed was fully set up, Aizawa handed him a small paper cup. Izuku lifted his slightly lighter arm up and his fingers trembled as he reached for it. He gripped the cup tightly and brought his other arm over so he could hold the thin paper with two hands. The water was warm and smooth, it was gone before Izuku even realized what he was doing and Aizawa quickly replaced it. After three more cups, Aizawa answered, “The doctor is on his way to explain what they found and how to move forward.”
Aizawa refilled his cup again and Izuku raised it to his mouth with one hand this time. His sensations were already clearing up to the point where that weakness from before felt like a groggy dream. The door to the room slid open just as Izuku lowered the cup to his lap with a satisfied sigh.
“You're awake.”
Izuku turned to face the doctor and suddenly his nerves were through the roof. He fiddled with his cup in his hands, pulling at the water rim until the paper ripped apart.
“I have your results here.” Dr. Octor reached for a tablet one of the nurses behind him was holding. The smile he had walking in was quickly stripped for a more serious grimace on his face.
“The scan of your brain in higher detail, did confirm what we already knew.” He turned the tablet towards Izuku and Aizawa and showed them the full body scan before zooming in to the head. “This large mass right here is your tumor. It's located in the front, in the area just behind your temple.”
He zoomed out to show the whole head and neck. “The size of it is concerning. It's pressing on your frontal lobe. This area of your brain controls your thinking, your emotions and personality. If it continues to grow it'll affect not only that but your judgment, your ability to make decisions and your self control. Your memories are also in this area.”
Izuku's hands turned into fists and the paper cup ripped in half in his grip. He clutched at the soggy pieces as he tried to pull his thoughts together. That was just not right. That can't be true. Izuku stared at the image in front of him. He stared at the mass that sat happily behind his hairline and destroyed everything that made Izuku who he is.
Aizawa broke the silence first, “Wait. What are you saying? That this tumor will change who he is? Can we stop it? Slow it down or destroy it altogether?”
Izuku fists trembled around the paper in his hands and he bent his head to his lap. His eyes were burning and the tight feeling he’s had all week was returning to his chest. He opened his mouth and inhaled a deep breath to try and relieve some of the pressure but it didn't work. He knew it wouldn't work.
“Is it going to kill me?”
Izuku didn't look up as the room grew silent. He pulled apart the paper in his hands further until it was all sitting on his lap like shredded confetti. He moved on to pulling on his fingers and picking at the edges of his nails when the paper was destroyed. “What would happen first? Would I become someone unrecognizable or will it kill me?”
Izuku looked up at the doctor with his question. His eyes were flooded with tears and he held firm in his eye contact. He didn't want to become a different person. He wanted to be a hero. How could he be a hero with an unstable personality? He wouldn't be able to make any judgment calls or have anyone rely on him. He would think differently and feel things differently. He won't even have any memories to hold onto at the end.
Izuku felt Aizawa lay a hand on his shoulder but he didn't look away. He needed to know what would happen. If it played out how Izuku is hearing, he’d rather be dead before it got to that point. He wouldn't care if he died today as long as no one else had to suffer his illness with him.
“There’s still time. There’s amazing technology now as well as quirks we can try. It's a bit tricky due to the location and size already however. Cell activation only goes so far. Without a healing quirk, the human body isn't suited to fight cancerous cells by itself. They keep to their name too, the cells will spread like an infestation around your body with no one to stop it.”
Izuku took a deep breath, “You're a horrible doctor, you know that? Nothing you say is ever reassuring at all. Just tell me what's going to happen!”
Aizawa’s hand tightened on his shoulder and Izuku sagged a bit. He wasn't trying to be rude but this was just so frustrating. Everything he’s ever known, or been known as, was about to be stripped from him without a thought of consideration coming his way. This is scary. He was scared . Izuku felt such an immobilizing, terrifying fear that he didn't know what to do besides lash out.
He had to give up on his dreams. He was so close, went through so many things to get here and still in the end it always came down to this. Then there were his friends, his mom. He couldn’t put them through this, watching him turning into someone he’s not, with no way to stop it besides wishing for him to have a quick painless death.
Izuku squeezed his eyes tight as tears dripped down his cheeks over under his chin. Aizawa’s hand rubbed comforting circles around Izuku’s back but nothing could comfort Izuku right now.
Izuku tightened his hands into a fist until he could feel his nails leaving crescent moon imprints on his palms.
“I'll show you instead.” Izuku looked up as Dr. Octor swipe the screen of the tablet to a chart. The chart has big words everywhere that Izuku couldn't even attempt to pronounce. “This is your schedule for the next six months.”
Izuku's eyes trailed along the list of things. It was categorized by each month and it detailed what treatment was required to be done within that month. The whole thing was neatly done, which Izuku could appreciate.
“After the six months are up, we will reevaluate and do the scans again to see what the progress is looking like.”
Izuku picked at his cuticles until he had to pull his hand away and hissed in pain. He sucked at the edge of his finger for a moment to ease the pain before he asked, “Will this cure me?”
The doctor just clicked the tablet off and handed it back to the nurse behind him. “That's the plan.”
Izuku turned to look at Aizawa for the first time since the doctor entered the room. Aizawa nodded his head with a strained smile and Izuku wiped his face with his hands before turning back to his doctor. “When do we start?”
Notes:
I'm hopefully over my writers block and can upload more frequently but unfortunately no promises on any type of schedule yet. If i can finished writing chapters 5-10 anytime soon then i will know what type of timeline I'm working on but in the meantime you can read some of my other works or find other amazing story to fill up your angst void. apologizes but i hope to see any loyal fans real soon in the next chapters.
Chapter 5: Counting the minutes
Summary:
Backmasking n.
“The instinctive tendency to see someone as you knew them in their youth—a burned-in image of grass-stained knees, gratied backpacks, or handfuls of birthday cake, superimposed on an adult with a mortgage, or children of their own.”
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
May
--
Turns out that when you're going through cancer treatments, even in a quirked filled world, it drains the life out of you.
It’s been just two weeks since he started his treatments—two weeks of dodging his friends' concerns, two weeks of seeing Aizawa unable to meet his eyes, and two weeks since he last spoke with his mom.
Izuku was sitting in a chair with a blanket over his lap. One arm rested on the side of the table, where an I.V. was stuck in the crook of his arm. The needle was connected to a machine that beeped obnoxiously beside him, distributing medicine into his system. The first few times he did this, it burned like venom coursing through his veins. His doctor had mentioned that, even when first introduced, the experience was normally painful for most people—not that this tidbit was helpful.
He held a book in his other hand, resting his wrist on the armrest. Izuku had spent the last hour just staring at the same sentence over and over again. There were so many thoughts running through his head. Should he tell his mom? Izuku knew, logically and realistically, that he definitely should. He should tell her. But, at the same time, he couldn’t bring himself to pick up the phone and make the call—or worse, actually go see her and watch her heart break in real time. She would be strong about it, too. His mother would put on the strongest face and hold his hand through his appointments. But this would break her—slowly, painfully, until there was nothing left of her to be strong. Then, Izuku would probably die, and that would shatter the broken pieces of her until the mom he knew was no longer there. He just couldn't do it. He couldn’t be the one to do that to his own mother.
What mindfucked Izuku the most was that he did have the choice to have someone else tell her. He did. His doctor, for one, would be the perfect person to break the news. Then, of course, there was his teacher. Mr. Aizawa would hate him for making him deal with something so emotional, sure, but at least it would be off Izuku’s plate.
Izuku’s eyes wandered to the next line of unreadable text as a new thought passed through his mind. Should he tell Kacchan? He probably should. Izuku would likely benefit from Kacchan knowing—it would make things a lot easier. But what would Kacchan think? Would he be sad? Would he be worried? Maybe he’d be disgusted, not only because Izuku was born without a quirk, but because he was also dealing with a disease that would bring about his early death.
A rooftop had never looked so good to Izuku before, the more he thought about it.
“Okay, Izuku! You're all done for today!”
Izuku was startled by the nurse’s sudden appearance. His book fell flat on his lap as he quickly shut it and looked over at the nurse. “W-what?”
The nurse smiled at Izuku while snapping on a glove. “You're done with your treatment for today. I’m just going to disconnect you, and then you’ll be good to go.”
Izuku watched as the nurse started to slowly inject a saline solution through the I.V. “Oh. Thank you.”
The nurse picked up a gauze pad and stuck a bandage on the back of his own hand before slowly pulling the needle out of Izuku’s arm. He placed the gauze and bandage in the crook of his arm to catch any lingering blood. Once he was done, he packed up the waste and equipment and smiled at Izuku. “Okay, you know the drill by now, but make sure to rest when you get home for the rest of the day. You’ll feel sleepy and nauseous afterward. If it gets too much, you can use the prescription for nausea you got last week, but only if you really need it. If you use it too much, the side effects aren't worth it.”
Izuku laughed as he picked up his book, pulled the blanket off his legs, and wrapped it around his arm. “And that’s in your professional medical opinion?”
The nurse gave him a cheeky grin. “Yes, my very professional medical opinion, Izuku. I’m a professional, you know.”
Izuku laughed again, grabbed his bag from the floor, and stood up. His body swayed a little, and the nurse caught his arm. “I’m serious, Izuku. Straight home and straight to bed. Get some rest.”
Izuku steadied himself before speaking. “You know, it’s a bit concerning that you’ve known me for two weeks and already know all my bad habits.”
The nurse laughed, and Izuku gave him a smile and a wave as he made his way to the exit. He swung his bag to the side and hurriedly stuffed his blanket and book into the main pocket before zipping it up and waving to one of the many taxis that lingered in front of the hospital, waiting for anyone who needed a ride.
Normally, he would just walk back to campus, but Izuku had learned the hard way that was a very bad idea. He had many scabs on his hands and knees from accidental trips over rocks or cracks in the sidewalk—and maybe a few too many close calls with cars when crossing the street. It was honestly safer for everyone involved if Izuku avoided the hour-long walk back to the dorms and just found the first available car to take him home.
Once a willing driver pulled up in front of him, Izuku opened the back door, threw his bag in, climbed in after it, and shut the door behind him. “To U.A., please.”
The drive back to the school was quick and uneventful, and eventually, Izuku was handing the driver his fare and slamming the door behind him. He walked up to the entrance, swiped his I.D. card at the gate, and began the long walk back to the dorms once he was officially back on campus grounds.
Not that it wasn’t deserved and somewhat understandable, but Aizawa had started to keep a closer eye on Izuku than he would personally like. Izuku would like to reiterate that he understood why this was happening, but that didn’t change the fact that when he neared the teacher's dorm, he ran from bush to bush, hoping not to be noticed.
“What's happening over here?”
That’s what he got for having hope. By now, Izuku really should know better than to expect the universe to be on his side for once.
Izuku slowly turned around to see Present Mic standing behind him with a raised brow. He nervously straightened up from his spot behind the bush and stumbled to the side slightly. “H-heyy? What—um. What's up?”
Present Mic raised his other brow before grinning at Izuku. “Who are we hiding from?”
Izuku burst out into a crazed laugh. “What? Hiding? Who’s hiding?” His hands tangled into each other as he started picking at his nails. Izuku averted his gaze, glancing nervously between Present Mic and the bush, murmuring softly, “No one’s hiding.”
“Right…” Izuku gulped nervously as Present Mic started walking toward him and herding him away from the bush. “Well, I’m actually heading over to your dorm building. Maybe you'd like to walk with me?”
“S-sure?” Izuku stumbled over his feet as his vision flashed for a second before steadying himself and keeping pace with his teacher. “Why are you going to the dorms?”
Present Mic glanced at Izuku curiously before giving a dramatic sigh. “Aizawa has been there since earlier. He promised to come shopping with me today, and I’m heading over to drag him away.”
Izuku froze mid-step as Present Mic spoke. He just couldn't believe his damn luck. Was he the only person in the world with worse luck than this? The gods must have a personal vendetta against him or simply find joy in watching him suffer.
Izuku found out, as he tried to correct his pace and instead tripped from a sudden weakness in his legs, that it must be a vendetta. Only someone with a vendetta would trip him up the second the person he was hiding from walked out of the front doors of the dormitory.
Both teachers paused at the sudden crash of skin against concrete, and Izuku decided to give into fate just this once. He let his head hang as he knelt on his burning hands and knees, where the scabs hadn’t fully formed from his last fall this morning. Tears burned in his eyes, and he took steady, deep breaths as he slowly pushed himself up to sit on the back of his heels, staring at the fresh blood slowly beading from his palms.
Present Mic hurries over to Izuku and kneels before him, taking Izuku’s hands into his own and staring at the ripped-up skin. “That was a nasty fall. Are you okay?”
Izuku can't even bring himself to speak, so he just nods and bites his lip as he blinks away the tears before they can fall and embarrass him worse than he already has.
Present Mic slowly wraps his hands around Izuku’s wrists and helps drag him up to his feet. “It’s okay. I fell yesterday, and Aizawa just laughed at me and walked away. It happens to the best of us. Let's get you into the dorms and see what we can do about these hands, okay?”
Izuku nods again as he lets his teacher lead him the rest of the way to the dorms and up the steps. Aizawa stands still at the top with a deep frown on his face as Izuku nears the front doors. He reaches for one of Izuku’s wrists and stops them before they can enter. “Let me do it.”
Izuku takes a deep breath, and Present Mic reaches over to remove Aizawa’s hand. “I got it, Sho. Remember how you laughed at me yesterday? You can't get out of this shopping trip that easily.”
Aizawa’s frown deepens, and Izuku giggles at his homeroom teacher's expense while Present Mic reaches past him to open the door.
They kick off their shoes as Mic leads them to the kitchen and turns on the faucet. “Let's get the dirt out before anything else.”
Then, because Izuku is the best person to mess with, and falling in front of his two teachers just wasn't enough, Izuku completely forgets that everyone likes to lounge around in the common room, trying to make the most of the rest of the day after classes. Izuku was so focused on the water running over his cuts and winced when Present Mic gently nudged a stubborn pebble out of his palm that he didn't notice when a shadow appeared next to him.
“Really, Deku? What the hell even happened?”
Izuku’s eyes widen as Kacchan yanks one of his hands from under the water and away from Present Mic’s grip to inspect the damage. When Izuku tries to yank his hand back, Kacchan just gives him the meanest stink eye, and Izuku relents with a quiet murmur, “I just fell.”
“Of fucking course you did. Why am I not surprised?” Kacchan pulls his arm back under the water flow and yells out, “Oi! Someone bring me the damn first aid kit.”
“Bakugou, I got this—” Present Mic starts before Kacchan turns to look at him sharply. “Nah, teach. Don't worry about him. Go back to whatever the fuck you were doing. I’ll handle the damn nerd.”
Izuku gives his teacher a nervous smile and nods. It's honestly no use fighting Kacchan when he gets like this, so Izuku won't even bother. “It's fine, thank you for your help.”
Present Mic frowns at him. “Ya’ sure, lil’ listener?”
Izuku gestures to Kacchan behind his back and whispers, “He's a mother hen, it's fine,” before he gives his teacher a nod and gestures for him to go on.
Izuku looks back at his hands when Kacchan pulls them out of the water and places a white towel in his palm to dry the wounds. “I heard that, and I am not a fucking hen, you're just a goddamn child.”
Izuku winces at the pressure. “Kacchan, that's a white towel! It's gonna get blood all over it.”
Kacchan clicks his tongue and waves Izuku’s concerns away. “It’s fucking fine. Just throw it away.”
Kacchan lets out a loud whistle, like calling a dog, and loud footsteps thunder over to the kitchen. Izuku glances over at the doorway and sees Kirishima and Kaminari crashing through the entrance, both of them holding one end of the first aid box and arguing.
“Let it go! I grabbed it first.”
“I saw it first! And I have two hands on it!”
“Because you're trying to yank it away!”
“Because Bakugou asked me to bring it!”
“He didn't even say any names!”
“Just fucking give it to me!” Kacchan yanks the box away from them and slams it on the counter. “Fucking children, go sit the hell down.”
“Do you mean here or…”
Kacchan turns around to stare at them. “Get the hell away from me right now.”
Kacchan didn't even bother to watch them scramble away as he opened the box and started digging through it. Once he found what he was looking for, he pulled the towel away from Izuku's hand. Izuku winced but watched silently as Kacchan squeezed some gel onto his hands and softly rubbed it onto the cuts. “It's Neosporin. It might be some bullshit little cuts, but they can still get fucking infected if you don’t apply this shit to them.”
Izuku watched as Kacchan ripped open some bandaids and placed them over the larger scrapes that were still bleeding a little, leaving the smaller ones to scab up.
They both stand there staring at Izuku's abused hands before Kacchan finally speaks up. “You've been avoiding me.”
Izuku opens his mouth to try and defend himself but finds that anything he would want to say falls flat in front of the truth. He has been avoiding him. He's been avoiding everyone, really, as much as one can when you live with the same people you want to avoid. It's honestly been easier to avoid his own mother than it was to avoid Kacchan, but that wasn't saying much when his mom was miles away, and Kacchan lived a few floors down and sat in front of him in class.
Nonetheless, Izuku has been avoiding Kacchan, and honestly, it goes to show how far they've come as people for Kacchan to wait two weeks before confronting Izuku about this fact. Keeping their past in mind, it really is a miracle Izuku was able to keep it going for this long.
Even though Kacchan wasn't asking, Izuku still gave his statement an answer. “Yes.”
Kacchan nodded at the confirmation as he started packing the unused supplies back up and placing them back in the first aid box. “Was it something I did?”
Izuku felt his breath hitch as he let the words float through his head for a moment. It never crossed Izuku’s mind that Kacchan would think he did something wrong and not the other way around. Even though they entered a new understanding of each other after all the things that happened during the war, Izuku realized that he still thought of Kacchan as the way he was before. Which is honestly unfair of him. Izuku himself has changed so much since he was a kid; it's honestly hurting his ego a little to remember how he would act sometimes when he was younger. Things that he could never imagine doing now that he knew better.
The sound of Kacchan roughly crumbling up the used paper bandaid wrappers in his hand snapped Izuku back to focus. “Of course not! You haven't done anything wrong!”
“Then what the fuck is up with you?”
Izuku picked at the bandage around his finger. “Nothing’s wrong.”
Kacchan slapped the back of Izuku’s hand. “I just put that on, cut that shit out.” Kacchan let out a sigh as Izuku rubbed the back of his stinging hand. “The last time you avoided me, you ran away from home and became a damn vigilante, Deku.”
Izuku rolled his eyes at the reminder. “That was different.”
“You can tell me if something was wrong.” Izuku could feel Kacchan staring at him and turned to meet his eyes. Izuku felt his spirit waver a bit. It was hard keeping a secret from someone with whom he never kept anything, not even his own secret quirk. Izuku told Kacchan something that was a generational secret when the boy didn't even like him, let alone was his friend. That was then, now with Kacchan staring at Izuku and telling him to confide in him? He should tell him. He should. He should let some of the weight off his shoulders and allow Kacchan to carry it with him.
But Izuku was crumbling under the weight. Knowing what he knows, could he force that same overwhelming, crushing weight onto Kacchan's shoulders? He already knew the answer to that question.
Kacchan was right, like he always was. Izuku was going down the same path that led him away from home before, except this time he knew where the path led, and he was purposely walking down the same road anyway.
“Nothings wrong. Kacchan, really, I'm fine.”
Kacchan's eyes flicked around Izuku’s face, taking in every inch and trying to spot a crack to see through Izuku’s facade. Izuku put on his best “Everything is fine and I'm actually joyfully happy” face to seal the deal.
Kacchan just frowned at Izuku’s smile.
“Hey! We’re gonna start the movie night earlier and see how many we can watch before Kirishima falls asleep.” Kaminari burst into the kitchen. Izuku took a step back away from the counter and kept his easy-going, very happy grin on his face as he turned to Kaminari. “Definitely! I never miss a Friday movie night. Are you making popcorn? What are we starting with?”
Izuku left Kacchan behind as he followed Kaminari to the snack cupboards. “We're gonna go through every old Disney movie we can find!” Kaminari shuffled through different snacks, pulling some out at random before he grabbed the box of popcorn in the back and started ripping bags open. “Here, can you grab some bowls while I sort through this shit? Hey, Bakugou, you in or what?”
Izuku opened up the cupboard just as he heard the front door slam shut. He jumped at the noise and turned around to an empty kitchen. The sound of shattering glass echoed in the silence as a vase fell to the ground, having been disturbed by the door slamming shut.
The dorm was silent, and Kaminari shuffled awkwardly next to Izuku. “Guess he didn't want to come to movie night?”
Izuku frowned at the ruined vase. “Guess not.”
Kirishima walked into the kitchen followed by Ashido and Sero. “Did something happen?”
Izuku turned back to the bowls he was preparing while Kaminari shrugged. “I have no idea, man. I just asked if he wanted to watch the movie, and he stormed out.”
“I don't get it, he was fine earlier?” Sero commented as he walked into the kitchen and looked around.
“Did he say something to you, Midoriya?” Izuku stiffened a bit at his name but forced his shoulders to relax as he picked up some bowls and handed them to Kirishima. “He didn't say anything. He just helped me clean up my hand, and then Kaminari walked in for the popcorn.”
Kirishima’s brows furrowed in concern. “Oh. That's weird.” Kirishima took the bowls from Izuku and smiled. “Don't worry, he just needs to blow off some steam. I'll follow after him once I'm sure he’s tired himself out a little.”
Izuku looked past Kirishima and over at the vase again. Guilt clawed at him, but it was for the best. Aizawa knew, and that was enough. In six months when he gets his new test results back, he’ll have a better idea of what to do next.
“I liked that vase,” Ashido whined.
“I made that vase,” Sero grumbled as he grabbed the broom and walked over to the shattered pieces.
“You what?” Ashido and Kaminari gasped out in sync.
“I took a few pottery classes.”
“What?”
Notes:
:)
Chapter 6: the consequences of one's actions
Summary:
Desanté n.
Pronounced /day-sahn-tey/
“The brooding delirium of being sick, which makes time slow to a trickle and turns even the most pathetic of tasks into monumental struggles, until the act of lifting your head from the pillow feels like trying to climb a mountain, wondering if you’ll ever find your way back again, or even catch your breath.”
Notes:
TRIGGER WARNING FOR THIS CHAPTER: Slight panic attack, hair loss, pill misuse (Or just used for the wrong reasons), drugged induced state of mind. This is a rough one...enjoy!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY KATSUKI BAKUGOU!!!!!
this one is dedicated to him <3
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
June
--
Izuku has a schedule.
Wake up the morning at five (exhausted), eat a quick and very light breakfast (maybe throw up), go on a run ( a mile before he feels like he has to throw up again), come back and shower (almost pass out in the shower), go to class and act happy and healthy while avoiding Aizawa’s stares (he thinks Izuku told his mom finally so there's that at least—he hasn't yet), avoid everyone as he makes a mad dash out of class to go to his chemo appointment, come back to the dorms exhausted and more nauseous, eat a few bites of dinner while Katsuki watches on with a disappointed stare, escape from everything to his room and eventually fall asleep (pass out from exhaustion),...and repeat.
Izuku walks over to his calendar and sighs. He’s gone through 5 weeks of chemo so far that means he technically has…still 5 more months to go. Fucking hell.
Izuku counted the weeks again in his calendar, technically he had 4 weeks of chemo last month with one break in between. He was halfway through the new month with still three more weeks of chemo to go.
Izuku stopped counting and rested his head against the wall. The way months worked stopped making sense to him a long time ago when he was still only at week 3. His head was throbbing in an ache that he hasn't been able to get relief from.
Izuku was so fucking tired .
He was so beyond exhausted that he couldn't even keep his lies straight anymore. Katsuki was closing in on him more and more by the day. He even started conspiring with Izuku’s own mother after Izuku accidentally let it slip to Katsuki that he hasn't talked to his mother in way over a month already.
Katsuki’s suspicions then started to spread around the class—not that everyone had not noticed by now. You would have to be blind to not see how close Izuku is to collapsing on a daily basis. Even something as easy as brushing his teeth has Izuku feeling like he needed a break from standing for just one second before he could muster up the strength to continue. Ochako had started knocking at his door at odd times to check in on him and Shoto lingering around him uncomfortably close when Izuku’s was in the common spaces or during Hero training.
Then that brought Izuku to another major problem: Hero training. Izuku was so physically worn down from all his treatments that Hero training felt like a class straight from hell more days than not. Izuku felt like crying from the frustration alone.
Slowly, Izuku pushed himself away from his wall and stumbled over to his bed. Falling on his back, he ran his hand through his hair with a heavy sigh. As much as it sucked right now, Izuku knew he could get through this. He just needed to push through. Just a few more months before he could get his scans redone and see the amazing progress all these painful treatments were doing for him.
Just a few more months. Izuku pulled his hand out of his hair and rubbed his face. He could definitely do this.
Izuku got up from his bed and sat in his chair. He let his eyes scan the items that were crowding the surface before reaching for his notebook with his list. He still had four more days before his next treatment and he's not gonna feel any better after so he might as well get started on his bucket list now. Izuku realized he actually managed to cross out two without even realizing. He made the appointment for the test and told someone on the same day. That's a win for Izuku.
Now that Izuku was looking at the list, he felt a few more ideas pop into his head about what he wanted to do. Looking at his timeline of six months and probably getting sicker each month from the treatment, Izuku tried to make his list go from hardest to easiest. Stuff he needed energy to do he had to do sooner and the more easy stuff he could hold off for the end.
5 Things I want to do ** Fun things to do (hardest to easiest edition)
1- Tell someone about his tumor.
2- Throw a party
3- Learn to cook ( Like actually good edible food)
4- Go on a class trip where nothing bad happens
5- Go to the hospital and get the test done.
6- Fall in love
1- THROW A PARTY!!!!!
2- Do something fun (beach trip, carnival or amusement park, etc.)
3- Hiking trip!!! (Smores? Would like to try it at least once )
4- Skydive? (that's a maybe)
5- learn to cook at least one thing (EDIBLE!!!!)
6- read 10 new books (new genres?)
7- change my style? (new clothes? New haircut?)
8- Take more pictures!! (everyday)
9- kiss someone ( way easier and honestly less harmful for everyone than fall in love)
10- Tell MOM!
Izuku leaned back in his chair and tapped his pen against the table. He honestly felt a little more satisfied with this list than before. It has more crazy things that Izuku isn't even sure he’ll do, skydiving is one of them. When will he even get the opportunity? The other things are fun plus not really something he would normally put time aside to do. That just leaves Izuku guessing which one he should attempt first.
Izuku leaned his arms on the table and placed his head down on them. Honestly, all this thinking was starting to cloud his brain. He just wanted to sleep. Izuku sat up and pushed his chair back, just a small nap before dinner and he’d feel better. Standing up, Izuku turned to his bed with a groan. Throwing himself on his comforter, Izuku yawned against his sheet and sputtered when hair got in his mouth. He leaned up on his elbows and wiped at his tongue to remove the strains. Izuku glanced at his bed and felt his stomach drop in horror and sat up with some new found energy. “What the—”
Izuku picked up a small chunk of hair from his sheets—his own curly chunk of green hair. Izuku got up from his bed with shaky legs, there was hair all over his bed. Izuku reached over to pick up some hair next to his pillow. How hasn't he noticed he’s been losing hair? Izuku backed away from his bed and found more hair on the floor.
Izuku ran a shaky hand through his hair and his lip trembled when more hair pulled painlessly from his scalp and left curling between his fingers. He ran his other hand through his hair more aggressively this time and pulled roughly at his hair, trying to force any loose hair to come out.
His throat felt tight as he looked around his room. Feeling frantic and slightly crazed, Izuku dropped to his knees and started gathering whatever hair he saw on the floor into a small pile that grew bigger by the second. He grabbed what he could gather and clutched it in his hands as he shoved his bathroom door open. Without even flicking on the light, Izuku dumped the hair into the toilet and flushed it down quickly before slamming the lid shut.
Izuku was scared to turn the light on. It felt like there was so much hair everywhere that he was sure there was nothing left on his head. He didn't even want to look at himself, so instead Izuku walked over to his sink and turned the water on, splashing some on his face in the darkness of his bathroom.
His stomach turned with a tight twist as he turned the water off and left the small room. He stumbled over to his closet looking for anything he could use to just cover what he couldn't bear to see. He yanked a hoodie over his head and pulled on the first beanie he spotted. He doesn't even know how it got in his closet since Izuku has never worn a beanie in his life, but Izuku was taking any small grace he could find.
Walking over to his desk, Izuku yanked open a drawer he had appointed a few weeks ago in order to store his concoction of prescribed pills he's been collecting. He keeps random books in it just in case anyone opens it, it'll seem normal. Pushing the books to the side, he pulled a few bottles out, quickly reading the labels before he found his anti-nausea pills. He popped the bottle open and out tumbled just what he needed at the moment. He grabbed a half empty water bottle from his desk and swallowed two small pills.
Izuku felt like he was on the brink of a nervous breakdown. Grabbing his desk light, he angled it to face his open drawer and shuffled through the bottle to see what else he could take. He would do anything to get rid of this ugly, jittery feeling that his heart was going to pop out of his chest and his lungs were failing him. His hands shook as he tossed around the bottles until he found what he was looking for.
His pain medication: oxycodone.
Around the end of his first month, Izuku had been feeling this overwhelming numbing pain at the base of his head that eventually spread down his spine into his lower back. His doctor had explained that it was a side effect of the chemo and gave Izuku a prescription to be taken only when needed.
Izuku popped one pill into his mouth and chugged the rest of his water. He rearranged the books and threw a few other things in before he shut the drawer close and clicked his light. Izuku went to place his head in his hands when a sudden knock echoed through his room.
Izuku jolted in his chair, standing up suddenly at the noise. He adjusted his hood over his head and did a quick survey of his room before he propped open his door slightly to see who was knocking.
A sharp glare of red eyes stared back at Izuku and it took everything he had not to sighed out loud. Of course it was Katsuki.
“You coming down? Dinner’s done.”
Izuku didn't even think he could deny him. Katsuki had this look in his eyes like he was daring Izuku to say no. Instead, Izuku pulled open his door wider as he nodded, “Yeah, let's go.”
Katsuki stepped back to give Izuku space to walk past him. Izuku slipped past Katsuki and started walking ahead toward the end of the hall where the stairs and elevator were. Izuku debated for a minute whether he should risk the stairs, his leg did a small dip as an answer and he reached for the wall to steady himself. He stopped just before the elevator and pressed the button.
Katsuki trailed after him and stared at Izuku as they waited for the elevator. Izuku glances at him quickly before looking away and staring at the elevator door, begging them to open faster.
“You're not taking the stairs?”
Izuku picked at his fingers as he answered, “Yeah, I just thought the elevator was right here so I decided to wait.”
Katsuki hummed at his answer. “And nothing to do with the wall grab I just saw?”
Izuku turned towards the opposite wall and laughed, “You mean that wall?”
Katsuki raised his brow, “Is there another wall you grabbed five seconds ago?”
Izuku laughed more nervously than before, “Yeah, well, I just had a leg day. I'm a little shaky.”
Katsuki hummed again. Izuku turned his head slightly away from Katsuki's gaze and squeezed his eyes tight, willing the door to open right the hell now and get him away from this situation. Like a saving grace the doors opened and Izuku quickly walked in and pressed the first floor. Katsuki walked in after him and Izuku wished for everything that he had a teleporting Quirk at that moment.
“Deku—”
Izuku interrupted whatever Katsuki wanted to say with his usual bright grin as he turned towards him. “Kacchan! You're a good cook right?”
Katsuki brows raised at the sudden change but soon relaxed with a shrug of his shoulder. “Better than anyone else in this damn dorm, that's for sure.”
“Great! Can you teach me?”
If Katsuki was surprised by the request he didn't show it, “Why?”
“Because you're the best cook!”
Katsuki crossed his arms over his chest. “Why do you want to learn suddenly? You never had an interest in cooking before.”
“I just feel like learning now and who else better to teach me than the best cook I know!”
Katsuki snorted as the elevator doors opened to the first floor, “Your poor mother would weep if she heard you say that, shitty nerd.”
Katsuki walked out the elevator and Izuku followed behind him, “Kacchan! You can't tell her! I love her food too, it's just when it comes to some things…” Izuku trailed off, rubbing the back of his neck. Katsuki turned back to look at him with a wide grin, “Don’t stop. Continue please, I want to know exactly the words I should repeat to auntie over our nightly updates on you.”
Izuku was startled at the words. Katsuki was probably joking right now, but Izuku was sure about some type of communication between them. He squinted his eyes suspiciously at Katsuki, “You wouldn't. You don't call her every night.”
Katsuki was quiet in front of him as he turned into the kitchen. Izuku watched as he grabbed a plate and started to serve a portion, all without saying a word. “You don't, right? You don't talk to my mom about me every night, right ?”
Katsuki said nothing as he closed the pot and leaned into a drawer on the side, pulling out a set of chopsticks and turning around to shove the plate at Izuku. “Take this and go.”
Izuku gasps feeling scandalized, “Kacchan! Are you serious?”
Katsuki snarled his lips at Izuku, “I said go .”
Izuku stared dumbfounded at Katsuki’s back at this new information. I mean, isn't that going too far? Bringing Izuku’s mother into the mix like this? Izuku didn't even know how he felt about this, he knew he was being a bit suspicious lately and he probably looked like…well like shit to be blunt about it. But knowing that two very important people in his life were going behind his back and gossiping about him—no matter how much he definitely deserves it—it's almost like a betrayal to Izuku. Like they don't trust him.
Not that they really should, and not that he’s giving them any reason too.
Izuku walked away from the kitchen and set his plate on the table and pulled out a chair, finding an empty spot between Kirishima and this time Shouto. His head still hurts from before as he takes his first bite, chewing slowly when each movement hurts his sore jaw and shooting bits of sharp pain to his temple.
“Hey, man! How are you feeling?” Kirishima asked curiously. Izuku’s heart rate shot up at the question, “What do you mean? I-I'm fine, obviously.”
Kirishima tilted his head in a silent question, his eyes flickered past Izuku for a second before he looked back, “I just mean that you seemed a bit tired today—or all week I should say. It's just today specifically, you keep stumbling during heroics. You're clumsy but not that clumsy.”
Izuku forced a laugh, “Oh! Right. Heroics. Yeah, well I was just…tired. I don't know, I guess I just haven't been getting good sleep lately.” Izuku looked away, pushing at his food before gaining the monument to pick up a bite and eat.
He felt like everyone was watching him now, not just Kirishima. This was honestly the worst case scenario for him, he felt more and more tired the more he moved around. Each bite felt like it was taking more effort than before. Taking the pill earlier was really coming back to bite him in the ass.
“So, Izuku. Do you have anything planned this weekend?” Shouto asked besides him. The tension in the room felt like Izuku's fault, he directed a smile towards Shouto to try and help lighten the mood. “Not really, I was thinking about doing something though. I feel like we don't have many activities planned. Everything is just stuff for the whole class to do outside school.”
With that said, Izuku felt the burden of the conversation slowly drift away from him as everyone who was listening jumped at the idea, talking over each other.
“Yes! That's what I've been saying! We don't have enough class memories together.” Ashido squeals from a few chairs away. Izuku turned to her as she waved her hand frantically in his direction, trying to grab his attention. “Oh, oh! What about a panic or something?”
“That just involves eating fucking food and sitting on the floor. Next.” Katsuki piped up from next to her. She looked back at him with an annoyed expression and bumped her elbow into his side, “That's not all there is! We can bring games and run around. It's relaxing!”
Katsuki shoved her arm away and rubbed his side, grumbling, “We can do that shit here, without the addition of fucking bugs.”
Ashido sighed loudly and Sero jumped in after she was denied, “What about an escape room? That always seemed fun.”
Katsuki scoffed into his cup. Izuku turned to him with a raised brow and Sero deflated. Katsuki looked around at the reactions, confused. “What? You losers actually thought taking this class somewhere where everyone has to actually think critically the whole time is a good idea?” Katsuki looked over pointedly at Kaminari and the boy straightened up at the silent accusation, “Hey! I can think critically.”
Katsuki set his cup down, “I don't think any more follow up is necessary for that statement.”
At the far end of the table, Yaoyorozu raised her hand, “What about a museum?”
“So we can die of boredom?”
“Kacchan!” Izuku called out after hearing his response. “Museums are fun! What's wrong with that?”
Katsuki waved his hand in the direction of Yaoyorozu, “Yeah, sure, great idea. For a school sanctioned class trip maybe. I thought this was supposed to be fun for everyone to do where we can all find enjoyment in it. A museum is not mindless fun.”
Izuku slump in his chair at that point.
Kirishima stood up suddenly, forcing his chair to scrape the floor as it was shoved back, “Roller Coaster! What's that place called? The one with the thingies and the cotton candy.”
“Thingies and cotton candy? Really well articulated, Shi—”
Katsuki was cut off when Ashido stood up with a bang of her hands on the table. “Amusement park! We can go to an amusement park.”
Well, this seemed to work out better than Izuku could have hoped for. He barely had to say anything for that conclusion to be reached.
Katsuki shoved Ashido back down into her chair with force, “That's not a completely terrible idea.”
“He said yes!” Multiple shouts filled up the room in excitement as Katsuki scowled and went back to eating.
Izuku tried to be excited with the rest of them, but he found his smile slipping from his face without his knowledge as his eyes drooped down halfway. The medicines' effects were blowing through him at almost full force by now, he felt like at any second he would just collapse and fall into a peacefully quiet sleep. He forgot how fast the medicine takes effect and just how damn tired it actually makes him.
Izuku forced another bite in, his head leaning forward a bit. He raised his hand to his cheek and leaned heavily on it as he rested his elbow on the table for support. He chewed slowly as he watched the class excitedly chat about their new weekend plans.
His elbow jolted as Katsuki slammed the table when Ashido brought too much excitement his way over his approval. Izuku’s face slipped slightly but he readjusted only to have Kirishima next to him bump his arm into Izuku’s as he reached for something across the table. Izuku heard an apology but that didn't help him as his face slipped completely from his hand and hit the table with a bang .
“Holy shit! Mido, you good?” Kirishima exclaimed. Izuku slowly lifted his head up from the table and rubbed at the new red spot. “Yeah, I'm just tired. I think I'm going to call it a night.”
Izuku's whole body felt drained. All his muscles were weak and useless as he tried to push his chair back to stand up. He had to get out of here and get in bed before he fell asleep on his plate.
“Are you sure?” Izuku nodded at the question as he took a deep breath and used his exhale to push at the table and slid his chair back. He sat in place while trying to build up the momentum to move again. The chair next to him scraped the floor just as Izuku twisted in his seat and grabbed the back of his chair and stood up all in one motion.
Izuku’s vision wavered as he stood and he waited in place for his body to steady before he started to actively get away. He didn't make it very far before someone grabbed his hand and stopped him.
“Izuku, are you sure?” Shouto clung onto Izuku’s hand and elbow as he steady him and held him in place. Izuku frowned as Kirishima stood up and held his arms slightly around Izuku, like he was ready to catch him if he fell.
Izuku waved his hand to swipe away at Kirishima’s and pulled his other hand away from Shouto, “Yes. I'm fine. I'm just a little sleepy.”
Another chair scraped the floor and Izuku rolled his eyes as best he could at the familiar footsteps. Katsuki placed a hand on Kirishima’s shoulder as he approached and stood in front of Izuku, grabbing him by the chin and tilting Izuku’s head up towards him.
Izuku's eyes flickered back and forth between Katsuki’s own and he watched as red eyes slowly widened. Katsuki turned Izuku around where a bright light was directly above them and then forcibly pulled Izuku’s eyelids open wider with his fingers.
“Your fucking kidding me. You have got to be fucking with me right now.” Katsuki seemed to shake with sudden anger pulsing through him as he switched to the other eye and opened that one to confirm what he was seeing.
Izuku swatted the hands away with a lumpish weight in his body. He leaned away from Katsuki with a slight stumble back, “I’m fine, I’m fine.”
“What? Katsuki, what is it?” Kirishima asked. The concern was palpable through his voice and Izuku turned to him. “Nothing’s wrong. Kacchan is…”
Izuku paused as the words were lost to him. Katsuki scoffed from behind him and roughly grabbed his arm, “Are you fucking serious right now?” Katsuki walked Izuku a bit away by his arm and Izuku stumbled along as Katsuki spoke in a lower voice, “You can't even finish your sentences, you're falling asleep at the table.”
“I'm tired.” Izuku tried to shout but the words fell flat as he mumbled it out. Katsuki dragged Izuku away from the rest of the class and pressed the elevator button, “How the fuck did I not see it earlier? What the fuck is wrong with you?”
Izuku mumbled out some words as his body drooped, the only thing keeping him standing at this point was Katsuki tight gripped on his upper arm. The doors to the elevator opened and Izuku was dragged in.
The second the doors shut, Katsuki was on him, “Don’t fucking lie to me, Izuku! Your eyes are fucking pinpoint, damnit. For fucks sake.” Katsuki turned away from him and ran his hand through his hair roughly. “I can't believe this shit. I knew something was off but drugs?” Katsuki laughed in disbelief and turned back to look at Izuku with pure rage, “You’re doing fucking drugs?”
Izuku leaned back against the wall and the elevator dinged as it moved up the floors. His eyes closed on their own as he tried to get his mouth to move, “It's not drugs. It's just to help me sleep. I have trouble sleeping.”
Katsuki probably didn't even know what to say because he stayed silent for a moment. “Izuku, sleeping pills don’t make your eyes fucking pinpoint. What the fuck did you take?”
Izuku shaked his head. Katsuki suddenly moved until he was gripping Izuku's arms tight in both hands. “Tell me what it was! Was it a pill? Did you shoot yourself up?” Katsuki suddenly pulled up Izuku’s shelves and checked his inner arms.
“Kacchan…I swear. I-It’s not what…you think. I swear.” Izuku mumbled through closed eyes. The elevator doors opened and Katsuki grabbed Izuku and dragged him down the hallway. Katsuki practically kicked Izuku’s door open as he let go of Izuku and walked around the room. “Where is it?”
Izuku stumbled in, his legs feeling weak. “I didn't—”
“WHERE IS IT?” Katsuki shouted before he started to go through everything. He messed up Izuku’s desk as he tossed items around the room. “Is it on your desk? In a drawer? Is it under the bed?”
Katsuki cleared the desk of everything before he quickly opened the drawers. He scanned through the items and tossed a few books but quickly left it open and abandoned as he started messing with the sheets on the bed, tossing the pillows across the room.
Izuku opened his mouth but didn't say anything as he picked up a pillow from the floor and went to sit down on his bed as Katsuki tore through the closet. He fling Izuku’s clothes around the room and open every drawer in his dresser, digging through that, before he opens boxes and flips Izuku’s shoes over to see if anything was there.
Katsuki was a wave of destruction as he went through Izuku’s room. All Izuku could do was set the pillow beside him and lay his head on it as Katsuki then made his way into the bathroom.
Izuku really did try to keep his eyes open for as long as he could, it was just when his body hit the mattress fully and his head was on the pillow, Izuku felt his eyes slowly closing as he gave into sleep.
Katsuki must have left the bathroom and came back to Izuku, because suddenly rough taps slapped against Izuku’s face as Katsuki tried to stir him awake. “Hey! You can't sleep, I don't know what you took.”
Izuku hummed under his breath as Katsuki’s voice choked up, “Izuku, please. Please just tell me. I'm not mad, okay? Just tell me what it was.”
Izuku's tongue was heavy in his mouth and he couldn't respond even if he wanted to before his mind slipped away into blissfully painless, drugged up dreams.
The thing about that medicine was, the second Izuku fell asleep after taking it, he slept through the night like the dead.
Notes:
I hope I got all the warning above but let me know if anything was missed. I was honestly debating whether or not to post this because it seems too far but I decided that since I literally gave Izuku cancer he's allowed to do shit like this and its kinda understandable considering his state of mind at the moment and his lack of support system (from his own doing).
I tried to throw some happy moments in there and then suddenly my story build legs and my fingers were typing scenes that I had no control over. I have no idea how this chapter came to be I was honestly stuck on what to write for a minute and how far should I push it. This is what happens.
Chapter 7: Facing the truth of a new reality
Summary:
Fardle-din n.
Pronounced /fahr-dl-din/“A long-overdue argument that shakes up a relationship, burning wildly through your issues like a forest fire, which clears out your dry and hollow grievances and reminds you that your roots run deeper than you think.”
Notes:
In advance, this is gonna be a little longer then my normal chapter lengths. Enjoy!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
The sun was beaming into Izuku’s face when he woke up.
He winced and squinted his eyes at the brightness as he attempted to raise his hand to cover his eyes. Izuku paused when he felt a heavy weight resting over his right arm and hand. He reflexively clenched his fingers at the feeling and in return, someone squeezed back.
Opening his eyes more and turning his head, Izuku looked over to the side and made eye contact with red eyes. Izuku blinked a few times as he was waking up and paused when he noticed that Katsuki looked like a wreck. He was sitting on the floor next to Izuku’s bed with both his hands clutching Izuku’s outstretched hand. One hand was clinging to Izuku’s own, while the other one was wrapped loosely around his wrist, fingers pressed over the pulse that laid there.
Izuku sat up a bit, leaning on his elbow. Katsuki silently watched him as he shifted, not moving from his spot or removing his grip on Izuku.
“What did you take?” Katsuki asked softly.
Katsuki's voice was horrible. His whole body looked like it was drained. Red eyes stared at Izuku but they didn't have the same fire in them, instead they looked depleted of emotion and dull. Izuku felt guilt shoot down and settle heavy in his stomach—he did this. He was the reason Katsuki spent the night holding Izuku’s hand while not knowing what the hell he was supposed to do.
Izuku let his body fall back into his mattress as he raised his left hand up and rested his arm over his eyes. Something in that motion must have caused Katsuki to snap, because one of the hands finally lets go as his left arm was forcibly ripped from his face.
“Don’t fucking hide from me, you piece of shit. What the fuck did you take last night.” Katsuki's voice cracked in the middle of his sentence. Whatever softness he had earlier left him quickly as anger seemed to be coming back in waves and filling him up.
Izuku sighed as his arm flopped back to the bed. Katsuki stood up and was now hovering over Izuku, one hand placed besides his head on the pillow behind him, trapping him in place. Izuku didn't say anything and instead let his eyes trace over Katsuki's face, taking in every inch of the face that he grew up seeing everyday. The person that had spent every second of his life before trying to get away from Izuku. Fighting any advances Izuku made in trying to become friends.
How can it be that, the face that always looked at Izuku with such hateful, wretched eyes—is now looking at Izuku with eyes full of worry and despair hidden behind a voice of anger.
Izuku wanted to cry over how much had happened and how much must've changed for this to be his new reality.
A lot has happened since they were kids playing in the trees of a forest they weren't even supposed to be in. Katsuki was different then, but so was Izuku. They both changed, hardened by battles they were too young to be in.
Izuku’s eyes watered the more he thought about it. The same thought running through his head over and over again, he was so young. He barely had done anything in his life, he was still in school for fucks sake. The things he has done were things like going through training simulations and sitting in class learning how to rescue people. What he hasn't done is go on normal field trips, or even just let loose a little and be a kid.
Cause that was he was at the end of the day. Izuku was just a 17 year old child. This was becoming all too much for him to handle alone. Izuku doesn't even understand why he's forcing himself to handle everything alone. It's not like before, he's not alone and hasn’t been in a while. He knows he can just walk downstairs and more than enough people would be ready to hear him out and give him some help.
Why the hell is he so convinced that this was his cross to carry alone? Was he trying to protect them from this truth? Maybe he had a lack of trust in his friends to stay by his side over this? That's happened to him before, Izuku being diagnosed with something and losing everyone in his life over it besides his mom.
His mom. He should've told his mom sooner. Keeping this burden away from her after all she's done for him in the past…Why is he doing this?
Tears fell down the sides of Izuku’s face and into his hair as he squeezed his eyes shut. He couldn't stop his mouth from opening and letting out all the stress and trauma in him bubble out into a sob that filled the quiet room. Katsuki slowly pulled his arm back and sat up, without the weight on his limbs, Izku raised his hands to cover his eyes as sobs raked through his body.
He should've done this a long time ago. He’s been holding onto this breakdown for weeks, keeping it bottle up deep inside himself where not even he knew what was brewing and getting ready to overflow out of him.
“Izuku…”
Izuku took a shuddering deep breath to try and calm down. He dragged his hands over his eyes roughly and pushed out a forceful exhale as he stared at Katsuki. He was kneeing just next to Izuku on his bed with his hands held out like he wasn't quite sure what to do or where to place them.
Izuku sat up completely in bed, leaning against the headboard behind him. He crossed his legs in front of him and waited with his hands in his lap for Katsuki to do the same. “I have to tell you something…”
Katsuki settled on the bed, “What?”
Izuku stared at the palms of his hands curled over his own lap, he couldn't even bear to look at Katsuki while he talked. “Um…It's—um. It's bad, Kacchan. It's really bad.”
“Izuku, what? What is it? How bad is bad? Like war bad or quirk bad? What?”
Izuku nodded his head while his eyes began to water again. His lip trembled and he tried to force them to stop by pressing his lips together hard. He couldn't even speak the words out. He hasn't been able to even say the word cancer out loud since the day he told Aizawa.
Instead, Izuku leaned over to his desk and opened the first draw. He pulled out the books that Katsuki had messed with the day before in his search and set them on the table. Then he pulled out every pill bottle he owned and placed them on the bed between his and Katsuki’s legs.
Katsuki gasped at the bottles, but Izuku ignored him while he shuffled through the bottles and placed a bottle of oxycodone into Katsuki’s hand. Katsuki looked at the label and frowned, “This is what you took? Why do you have this? Isn't this a pain prescription?”
Izuku finally built up the courage as he looked up to meet Katsuki’s eyes, nodding his head and holding out another bottle. “Yeah, It's a prescription that I was given. Don’t worry, Kacchan. I didn't steal or buy it. I'm not a junkie.”
Katsuki frowned down at the bottles in his hand and then at the rest of the bed, he shook his head and looked up at Izuku with a crease in his brows, “What is all this? What the fuck is going on?”
Izuku picked at his fingers, scratching at the side of his nail just to give him something to do with his hands. “Kacchan…I—um. I have a…okay. Okay, do you remember when I went to the hospital for a dislocated arm?”
Katsuki shook his head and Izuku sighed, “No, of course you wouldn't. You weren’t there when I came back to the dorms and it was a while ago. Okay, so a couple weeks ago, I was out on a patrol and I dislocated my shoulder and went and got it checked at the hospital.”
“Okay…? What does this have to do—” Izuku cut Katsuki off with a raised hand. If he didn't just go through and say everything now he wasn't ever going to be able to find the courage again.
“When I was at the hospital, they did some scans. They just wanted to see if there was anything else I wasn’t mentioning or couldn't feel because of adrenaline rush or something.” Izuku’s hand shaked as he reached out to grab a bottle from the bed. He picked up his nausea medication and held it in his hands, opening and closing the bottle.
“My shoulder was fine. It was just a dislocation that was easily fixed but then—then a doctor came to me and I went to his office. They had found something in the scans. Something I would've never known of until it was too late.”
Small sparks popped in Katsuki's hands and he dropped the bottles and shook his hands out, clenching his fists to try and stop them. He wiped his hands across his pants leg, his voice sounded stressed as he spoke. “Spit it out already, Deku. What is it? What did they find?”
“I have a brain tumor.” Izuku threw the words into the room. After that was said, everything else just followed without filter, “I got diagnosed with a brain tumor. They don't know why it happens but it's sometimes formed when cells in the brain or spinal cord develop changes in their DNA. I actually spent some time thinking about it and I think I got this because of the radiation I was exposed to when I was fighting with Shigaraki and all of his quirks. I read somewhere that radiation is a cause for this to form and I never had any symptoms before the war. Then, there’s the fact that I'm a positive Recovery Girl would have caught it if I had this and— not to mention all of the doctor visits for my arms too. There’s no way I had this for a long time and no one figured it out. It’s only been recently that I began to have headaches all the time and—”
Izuku was cut off when Katsuki suddenly stood up. Izuku watched Katsuki paced across the room for a while, “You're lying.”
Izuku frowned from his spot on the bed, “What?”
Katsuki eyes were wide open as he turned to look at Izuku, “You’re fucking lying to me! I—You can’t have—A tumor?! You're telling me…” Katsuki walked over to the bed and shuffled through the medications; anxiety pills, nausea pills, pain medications, steroids for brain swelling, pills to control seizures.
All the evidence was laid out in front of Katsuki.
“This can't be happening.” Katsuki took one of the bottles and threw it across the room. Izuku flinched when the plastic hit the wall and pills exploded out. “No! No, no, no. This can't be happening. This isn't real. You don’t have a tumor and your not fucking dying!”
“Kacchan.” Izuku whispered the name. He rested his elbows on his knees as he ran his own hands through his hair. This whole situation sucked. Everything about being sick himself and having to go through it, to having to watch his friends and family watch him go through it.
Pulling his hands away, Izuku moved to get up, to go to Katsuki and try to explain or comfort him. Instead, Izuku froze in place as his hands came to rest on his lap, chunks of hair spilling through his fingers and onto the mattress.
He’d forgotten this part.
Izuku had completely forgotten why he’d taken the damn pill that led to Katsuki knowing in the first place. Katsuki’s voice faded into the background as Izuku stared at his shaking hands. He slowly reached up to his head and ran a hand through his hair slowly, pulling out whatever loose hair he could grab.
His breath picked up, small gasps leaving his lips as he stared at his hands. All he could see was green. The green of his hair, that was so similar to the green of his moms hair. When Izuku was little, he loved his moms long hair. He would run his fingers through her hair while she carried him or at night when she laid next to him, reading him stories of great heroes saving the princess and defeating the villains.
Izuku would get so excited when the princess in the story had long flowing hair like his mom. She always made Izuku feel like the hero in her story, saving her from the big bad villain. She’d smile so brightly while she thanked him for saving her.
Izuku loved his hair. It reminded him of his mom. It reminded him of her smiling and thanking him. It reminded him of all the memories they had together. When Izuku’s hair finally got longer she would play with it after bath time. She would put in braids to match hers, or she would pick flowers from her home garden and add the blossoming buds into his hair, telling him how pretty his hair looked— like a blooming tree with flowers in the middle of spring.
Izuku loved his hair.
It's why after the war, when it was cut, he didn't bother shaving the other side to match. He waited and waited until it grew out again.
Izuku’s hands clenched into a trembling fist over the detached hair. He was gonna lose it all. All of his hair and the memories that came with it. Gone.
“Izuku.”
Izuku’s head snapped up when Katsuki slowly crouched next to him, wrapping his hands around Izuku’s own. Katsuki peeled Izuku’s hands open to reveal the hair hidden away and he closed his eyes at the sight. Even with everything that just happened, all the doubts and worries that must be going through his head, when Katsuki opened his eyes—hopeful determination filled them to the brim.
“Don't worry, Izuku. Everything’s going to be okay.” Katsuki stood up from the floor and held a hand out to Izuku. Staring at the outstretched hand, Izuku let Katsuki’s next words echo in his head like a prayer. “You can still be a hero.”
—------------
“It’s not that bad.” Katsuki hummed to himself as he brushed through Izuku’s hair.
It took a bit of convincing and even a pause in conversation to go grab some breakfast, before Izuku finally let Katsuki see his hair. Izuku itched to just grab a hoodie and cover himself from the world, but Katsuki would just smack Izuku’s hand away when he tried to reach back and pull some hair, or when he was playing with the strings of his hood.
“I'm serious, nerd. You have a fuck ton of hair on your head. It’s gonna be a while before it noticeably thins out.” Katsuki grabbed a spray bottle from the bathroom sink and started to wet Izuku’s hair, brushing some products into his curls. Izuku didn’t even know Katsuki owned any type of hair care product, let alone knew what he was doing with them.
Izuku let Katsuki style his hair as he pleased while he was deep in thought. This whole situation was weird. Izuku thought Katsuki would act more…mad? Upset that Izuku hid this big thing? Angry that he hasn’t told his mom he had cancer? Actually, any other reaction than doing Izuku’s hair after he had his second breakdown about it falling out in less than twelve hours.
Izuku felt like he was waiting for the other shoe to drop and Katsuki would start screaming at him any moment now. Izuku kinda hoped he would scream. Having Katsuki not yell at him over this just made the guilt in Izuku’s chest dig deeper down and grow roots in his soul.
Telling Katsuki didn’t solve any of Izuku’s problems, but having someone know—having Katsuki know, Izuku felt this huge weight he didn’t know was holding him down, lifted from his chest. It also kinda made things worse, if Katsuki wasn't yelling over something clearly dumb, then that means things are more serious then Izuku wished.
He had hoped that this would just go away like it had never happened.
“Okay, you’re done.” Katsuki said as he reached around and dropped his brush on the edge of the sink. Izuku blinked at his own reflection in the mirror, his hair was braided back in the front in flat cornrows with bouncy curls hanging in the back and around his neck. Izuku tilted his head to the side and saw where the braid ended and the curls began.
“Kacchan! I didn’t know you could braid this good—or at all!” Izuku smoothed one of his hands over the top of his head. He could never do his own hair like this, even before he messed up his fingers.
“I can do fucking everything. Stop touching it, you’ll fuck it up!” Katsuki slapped Izuku’s hand away and Izuku hissed at the sting. Rubbing his hand, Izuku turned his head to the side, “I won’t be able to take out any loose hair with it braided.”
“That’s the point. Knowing you're going to lose your hair is hard enough, but seeing it slowly fall out is another thing. Plus, this is a protective style that should help.”
Izuku nodded in the mirror, Katsuki was still standing behind him so Izuku made eye contact through the mirror and smiled brightly, “Thanks, Kacchan!”
Katsuki frowned at him but Izuku ignored it as he suddenly remembered something, “Actually! Since you know the secret now, I wanted your help with something.”
Katsuki raised a brow and Izuku continued, “I want to learn how to cook!”
“Didn’t you ask me this yesterday? What’s that got to do with knowing shit.”
Izuku turned around and pushed past Katsuki, kicking some clothes to the side as he walked to his desk and looked for his notebook. His notebook wasn’t on his desk, but probably somewhere on the floor next to his desk.
“Damn, was all this really necessary.” Izuku muttered as he crouched down and started to shuffle through the fallen books until he found his bucket list notebook.
Katsuki had found himself sitting in Izuku’s desk chair, leaning back comfortably as Izuku searched. Izuku walked over to show him the book, “Bucket list! I made it when I was first diagnosed. Things I wanted to do, but never had the time before.”
Katsuki's face dropped at the sight of the book. He grabbed it from Izuku’s hand and stared at the cover of the book for a second before he opened the book and stared at the list inside. Izuku shuffled his feet in place while Katsuki read, feeling somewhat nervous for his reaction.
“What do you think?”
Katsuki's eyes scanned up and down the page multiple times before he looked back up at Izuku, “You wanna do all this?”
Izuku looked down at the list before shrugging, “Well yeah, I mean that's not all I want to do but it's all I could think of at the time. It's a start.”
Katsuki nodded before he read something aloud, “Fall in love?”
Izuku’s heart dropped to his stomach as he slammed his hand down over the words, “No! Don't read any of that! That's crossed out for a reason, just look at the bottom half.”
Katsuki smirked before he continued, “We could throw a party easily, and the class is already planning something to do outside of school.” Katsuki hummed as something caught his interest, “Hiking? You wanna go hiking?”
Izuku backed up to sit on the edge of his bed, leaning forward so he could still see the book, “Yeah! It seemed fun. Plus, you do it all the time—I figured it couldn't be a bad idea to go at least once.”
“I could take you with me next time I go.”
Izuku's eyes widened, he smiled brightly at Katsuki, “Would you?! That would be great! I'm not sure how well I would do on my own but I'm sure it'll be fun if we go together!”
Izuku’s smile faltered as Katsuki's face changed. He had a small smile on his face that Izuku could swear seemed kinda… sad . “Yeah. We can do that.”
Izuku tried to nod along and smile while Katsuki spoke but Izuku couldn't stop thinking of that sad smile. He felt stuck. There must be so many thoughts going through Katsuki's head right now as he reads the list. The list itself seems kinda poor in taste, like Izuku was trying to fit everything he can do before he eventually dies.
But, Izuku wasn't going to die.
He made the list before when he was scared. When he needed something to do with his hands and something to look forward to. Izuku doesn't feel as scared now, he has a plan with his doctor and he has his treatments lined up, he doesn't need a stupid bucket list.
Izuku reached for the book and cut Katsuki off as he slowly pulled it out of his hands, staring at the words written on the page. “This was dumb.”
Katsuki was silent as Izuku stared at the book. “I don't need a bucket list, right?”
Izuku looked up at Katsuki's face, not really sure what he was hoping to see. Maybe Izuku wanted him to agree, the bucket list was dumb because Izuku was going to be fine. Or, maybe, he wanted Katsuki to say that he’ll help Izuku with everything on it.
Denial or acceptance. He wasn't sure what he wanted Katsuki to say, but it had to be something. Anything was better than the look Katsuki had on his face right now.
Katsuki flexed his hands, flicking his tongue out to coat his dry lips. Izuku watched as Katsuki stood up from the chair and tried to smile, “You should get some rest. When’s your next appointment?”
Izuku deflated. “In three days.”
Katsuki nodded to himself as he wiped his hands on his pants. Small sparks light up in his palms, a sign Izuku could recognize anywhere. Any second now, Katsuki would leave, putting distance between himself and Izuku.
As if on cue, Katsuki’s eyes flickered to the door and back at Izuku. “I'll come with you to your appointment. Get some sleep, I'll wake you if you sleep until dinner.”
Katsuki carefully stepped over the mess of books and clothes all over the floor, grabbing the knob of the door. He paused for a second as he pulled the door open to look back at Izuku, “Sorry for the mess.”
The door closed gently behind him. Izuku looked around at the mess on the floor, setting his book next to him with a sigh. He pushed the mess of pill bottles off his bed, not caring when they clattered and bounced around on the floor, adding to the mess.
Laying down, Izuku stared at the ceiling of his room. His room was always his place of escape, when things got too loud outside, he could come in here to just breathe.
Now, without Katsuki as a buffer to the silence, Izuku felt like he was drowning in it. Closing his eyes, Izuku couldn't help the tears as they slid down the side of his face. He couldn't stand the sight in his room anymore.
The emptiness that seemed to fill it up.
—------------
Izuku was sitting in the middle of the floor when his door opened. He was staring at the empty walls in front of him, all of his posters laid in tatters around him.
“What the hell?”
Ochako tripped over the pile of books by the door, she grabbed onto the desk with a bang. Izuku looked over at her, “Watch out. There's some stuff on the floor.”
“Yeah, I can see that.” Stepping over the mess of things, Ochako made her way over to where Izuku was sitting, crouching in front of him. “Why did you destroy your room?”
Izuku waved his hand around, “That was mostly Kacchan. I just took the posters down.”
Ochako grimaced as she gave the room another glance, “Why he’d—”
Izuku cut her off as he stood up, “You know, Kacchan. Anyways, is there a reason you're here?”
“Oh!” Ochako stood up and gestured to the door, “Bakugou asked me to get you. Something about making dinner?”
Izuku frowned, “Why didn't he get me himself?”
“I'm not really sure.” Ochako pushed her brows down into an angry face, “He was real serious earlier in the kitchen—kicked everyone out. Then he just called me over and told me to get you.”
Izuku looked around his room, he really needed to clean it. Most of his closet was on the floor, plus the whole top of his desk now laid around it. He kicked most of the stuff to the side when he was tearing down the posters earlier. What Izuku did technically counts as spring cleaning, since it is spring. He just needed a fresh start.
Izuku turned back to Ochako and decided he could delay his fresh start by a few hours.
“Let's just go, I'll deal with this later.”
Izuku could hear the yelling from the elevator a few floors up. By the time he wrapped around to the kitchen area, he paused at the entrance just as Katsuki reached his hand out and grabbed Izuku’s shirt.
“What the—“ Izuku was cut off as Katsuki yanked him forward into the kitchen.
“—is allowed! All you fuckers need to get the hell out. I don’t need you guys here making a bigger fucking mess then you already have.”
Izuku reached for the counter as Katsuki let go of his shirt without warning. The kitchen was full of Katsuki’s friends who Izuku liked to personally refer to as the Bakusquad. If Katsuki heard Izuku say that, death would be a fate Izuku could only wish for.
“Get out!” Katsuki yelled at the group as he walked over to the other side of the kitchen, bowls laid out over the counter.
“All right! God forbid we wanted to learn too.” Kaminari scoffed as he walked out the kitchen. Sero laughed behind him as he slapped his shoulder, “Shut the fuck up man, you got us kicked because you started fucking with the bowls he placed out.”
Ashido skipped towards Izuku and stopped next to him with a sigh, “Be careful Midobabe, these boys are a lost cause but you are still innocent! Don’t let Kats teach you any swear words.”
Izuku almost burst out laughing at her. “You know I grew up with Kacchan, right?”
Ashido gasps and reaches her arm out to grab onto Kirishima as he walks by her, “Mido! Don’t say such things! Ei, tell him he’s not allowed to swear. I don’t want him to leave this kitchen suddenly with a sailor mouth.”
Kirishima brows wrinkled in confusion, “Wait, why are you worried about Mido swearing? It’s just a cooking lesson.”
“Does everyone know about this lesson?” Izuku looked between them but Ashido waved her hand at him to shush him as she responded to Kirishima.
“Did you not just hear Hanta? He was so innocent in the start of high school and now after a year with Kats he’s saying fuck after every word like it’s a damn noun.”
Kirishima sighed, “You realize that Midoriya has spent more than a year around Katsuki, right?”
Ashido turned back to Izuku as she waved Kirishima away, “By the way, what’s with the cooking lesson?”
Izuku watched Kirishima shrug his shoulders before he left the kitchen. Katsuki was banging the bowls behind Izuku, unaware or not caring about the conversation taking place.
“Oh, um—right. I—well, I just wanted to learn?” Izuku rubbed the back of his neck nervously.
Ashido crossed her arms over her chest, “Right…I got that part. It’s the whole Katsuki teaching you thing, I'm asking about. What even made him agree? He never agrees to anything involving teaching others.”
“I just asked and he said yes. No begging necessary.” Izuku shrugged.
“You see, that makes me have ideas. Ideas I'm sure will get me killed.”
“What?” Izuku had no clue what she meant by the ideas she was talking about. He gave her a look and raised his brow, “Why? What Ideas?”
“The why is easy. Kats never says yes to anything easily, he’ll say no until he’s red in the face. You only having to ask once is suspicious behavior.” Ashido uncrossed her arms as she grinned, “For the ideas part, I'm gonna have to take them to my early grave. Speaking such things out loud here will be my end.”
Ashido gave a point look at behind Izuku. Turning around, it was only Katsuki standing behind Izuku pouring ingredients into bowls for some reason. When Izuku looked back at Ashido, she was gone from her spot. Izuku leaned around the edge of the entrance to see her running over to the couches and jumping over the back, slamming into whoever was on the cushion.
“Aright, nerd. Get in here.” Katsuki stepped away from the counter as he slapped his hands together to get rid of the flour coating them.
Izuku walked over to where Katsuki placed the bowls out and looked into each one. Different things from meats to vegetables and seasoning laid in the bowl. Izuku frowned as he poked the top of the flour peak in one of the bowls. “Why is everything placed out like this?”
Katsuki slapped Izuku's hand and pointed at the sink, Izuku rolled his eyes but pushed up his sleeves to wash his hands.
“It’s because you're worse than a beginner. Every time you cook, disaster strikes.”
Izuku turned the sink off and flung the water dripping from his hands over at Katsuki’s direction. Katsuki glared at Izuku as he wiped the water droplets off his face.
“You being a jackass with water doesn’t change the fact that you can’t cook for shit. I was there the last time auntie tried. I was also there when my dad made his attempt last year. You can’t cook.”
Izuku pouted as he wiped his hands over his pants, “What's the point of all this then? If I can’t cook, why say you're going to teach me?”
“Because after today, you will know. Thanks to my amazing skills and forethought. You too will know the joys of cooking.”
Izuku clapped his hands together in excitement, walking back over to the bowls, “What are we making?”
“Take a guess.” Katsuki smirked at Izuku as he looked at every bowl on the table. Even without knowing how to cook, Izuku knew what were the main ingredients of his favorite dish. Izuku jumped up when he saw the pork cutlets, “Katsudon?! You're gonna teach me how to make Katsudon?!”
Katsuki held his hands up as Izuku bounced closer, holding him back. “Who doesn’t know how to make their favorite dish? That’s a crime and I won’t have that here.”
Izuku felt like he drank an energy drink, his body was trembling under the excess amount. If not for Katsuki hitting him, Izuku would be bouncing around the walls in his excitement.
“What’s first?”
Katsuki picked up a weird hammer that was flat on both sides, “This is a mallet. It helps tenderize the meat. I’m going to hand this to you and you're going to behave.”
Izuku rolled his eyes as he held his hand out for the meat hammer. “I’m not a child. I know what I'm doing.”
Katsuki barked out a laugh so suddenly that Izuku lost his grip on the hammer and flailed around trying to catch it.
Once Izuku had both hands over it in a tight grip, he tried to glare at Katsuki. “It wasn’t funny.”
Katsuki lets his laugh fade into a chuckle as he straightens up, pointing to the counter, “Don’t make that face, hit the meat in that bowl on the foil I placed over there.”
Izuku grumbled as he walked over to the bowl, picking out the pieces and laying them on the foil. He slammed the hammer mallet thing over and over again until Katsuki was yelling, “Okay! Stop! It’s already fucking dead. Let it breathe.”
Katsuki took the hammer away and flattened the rest of the cutlets to his liking. Then he waved Izuku over to three bowls, “Okay, here you're going to dip in each bowl. Flour, eggs, panko, repeat. It’s already seasoned cause I don’t trust you with salt.”
Katsuki grabbed a flat plate and set it aside the bowls, “Place it here once it’s covered.”
Izuku pushed his sleeves further up as he began. He dipped the meat just as Katsuki said, until the mixture began to build up around his fingers. He was five pieces deep and looking at the pile of meat left to go.
He plucked off the batter from his index finger and threw it at Katsuki, “Are we feeding everyone? How much longer do I have to do this?”
Katsuki looked up from his phone when the batter smacked his arm, “Would you stop throwing shit at me? Your going to fucking do this until there no more.”
Izuku sighed, it was only the beginning and Izuku already felt a headache coming on.
Katsuki took over once it got to the frying part. Izuku was feeling all the energy he had wasted earlier drain away the longer he stood in this hot kitchen. He felt sweat pile up around his face and he took a step back away from the stove. His body felt so much heavier than it did before.
“Where are you going? We’re not done yet, you can start the rice. You know how to work the rice cooker, right?” Katsuki looked over his shoulder at Izuku.
Izuku nodded as he walked over to the cooker. He grabbed the pot out from inside and set it aside while he poured the rice in and washed it.
The pot felt like it weighed more than it should once Izuku set it down back into the cooker. Katsuki leaned over his shoulder to make sure it was done right before Izuku started it.
Izuku walked away from the cooker and his legs jolted under him. He grabbed the counter as he wiped his face. It was so damn hot, he didn’t know how Katsuki enjoyed this.
“You good?” Katsuki frowned at Izuku as he took out some cooked cutlets. He placed raw ones in and lowered the heat a bit, walking over to Izuku.
Izuku nodded his head, “Yeah, I'm fine. It's just hot in here.”
“What? Izuku the AC is blasting through the dorms right now.” Katsuki held his hands out.
Was it? Izuku was just so hot and tired. He felt drained from just standing here and talking. “I’m fine, Kacchan.” Izuku waved Katsuki away as he let go of the counter. He just needed to sit down for a second.
The room started spinning when Izuku tried to walk. He felt his stomach clench angrily and his legs just gave out suddenly from under him.
Katsuki shouted as he grabbed Izuku. His body was heavy and limp in Katsuki’s arms and even though Katsuki was right in front of him, his voice sounded far away.
“Fucking hell. Shouto, come here!” Katsuki's panicked voice echoed in the dorms. It wasn’t long until Izuku was surrounded by whoever was on the couches and heard Katsuki shout.
“What happened?” Shouto ran around the corner and pushed through the crowd.
“He just said he was hot and collapsed. Use your fucking ice on him or something!”
Izuku's eyes blinked rapidly as he tried to focus them, cool air hit him from the side and Izuku melted further into Katsuki’s arms.
Katsuki tapped at Izuku’s cheek as he set him down. His face was full of fear, “Izuku…”
Izuku raised his hand over his face, “I’m fine.”
“No. You're not, Izuku.”
Izuku turned to look at Katsuki, gripping his arm tight, “Kacchan. I’m fine. Everything’s okay.”
Katsuki licked his lips as they began to tremble, he took a deep breath before he waved everyone away, “I didn’t call you fucktards here. Get the fuck out before you burn something.”
Shouto raised his hand and pointed behind them, “I was called here and something is already burning.”
Katsuki head whipped around at the smoking pan, “Fuck! Someone turn that shit off!”
“I thought you wanted us to leave?” Kaminari spoke from the crowd.
Katsuki ran his hands through his hair and dragged them down to cover his face. “Get the fuck out.”
His voice was muffled as he spoke but everyone could hear the threat in his words. The kitchen was quickly emptied as everyone scrambled away besides Shouto.
“Are you okay?” Shouto crouched down next to Izuku.
Izuku smiled, “Yeah I'm okay, it was so hot in here. Maybe I'm not cut out for cooking after all.”
Shouto had a small smile on his face as he patted Izuku’s shoulder, “Not all of us are. At least you're doing better than Katsuki right now. He burnt dinner.”
“Okay, fuck you too, asshat. Get the fuck out. That’s gonna be your fucking piece and imma shove it down your damn throat.”
Shouto smiled widened as Katsuki spoke, “Remember there is always a bright side, even with burnt food.”
“Out! Fucking IcyHot.”
Izuku laughed as Shouto gave Katsuki heart fingers as he left. Katsuki grumbled, “I’m going to kill whoever taught him that stupid shit.”
Izuku got up and leaned against the counter, Katsuki stared at him for a moment, “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, it comes with the territory. Dizziness, nausea—you name it, I have it.”
“This shit sucks.”
Izuku sighed, “Tell me about it.”
“No, I mean you, you fucking asshole. Your too good a fucking lying. You need to cut that bullshit out and tell people.”
Izuku's heart dropped at the words, he whipped his head around to Katsuki and dropped his voice to a whisper shout. “Kacchan! Shut up! What if someone hears you?”
“That’s the fucking point. People need to know, you can’t do this by yourself. You need a support system.”
Izuku waved a hand at Katsuki, “Well what about you? You know!”
“I’m not a fucking support system, Izuku! You need more people! People you can rely on when I'm not around!”
Izuku dropped his face into his hands, “I can’t. I can’t! It’ll break everyone's heart. I can’t do this to them.”
Katsuki walked over to Izuku and placed his hands on his shoulders, “Fucking—What about your mom? Doesn’t she deserve to know?”
“I’ll tell her! I swear I'm just waiting for good news!”
Katsuki's hands dropped to his side as he stared at Izuku, “When?”
“I get rescanned in five months.”
Katsuki's eyes burned through Izuku, “You could be dead before then.”
Izuku shook his head, he tried to back away from Katsuki's crushing stare but there was nowhere to go, “No! No, I won’t. Stop it.”
“Izuku…”
“Shut up! I’m fine, everything’s fine. I’ll get rescanned and you’ll see! It’ll be gone!”
Katsuki's eyes watered and he blinked. “Get out.”
Izuku's shoulders dropped, “What?”
“Get out.” Katsuki walked back to the stove, “I can’t stand to watch you kill yourself like this.”
Izuku stared at Katsuki back, “I’m fine.”
Katsuki let out a dry, humorless laugh, leaning his hands against the counter and drooping his head down, shoulders hunched up. “You're not fine. You're the furthest thing from fine and I'm not talking about that damn lump in your head.”
Izuku stared at Katsuki’s hunched back before he turned around to leave. He was fine. He shouldn’t have told Katsuki anything. Izuku will get rescanned soon and everything will be fine.
He was fine.
Notes:
There we go! Izuku finally told someone after all this time. Are we all happy now? lmaooo yeah with the way this chapter ended im not too sure if happy is the right word. This was a bit of a long one cause ever time i tried to end it, it never seemed like a good place to end the chapter so here we are 6k words later. Also if you think this is getting bad for poor Izuku, your not even ready for the things i have planned next for him.
BTW: In the chapter if you noticed that Izuku seemed to jump back and forth between happy and excited to sad or too angry or even kinda emotionless, that's because of his tumor. Its going to start to show up a bit in his personality now and he's going to have more mood swings or just ooc actions. Not that he knows or realizes this yet. lol
Chapter 8: The start of the turning point
Summary:
Momophobia n.
Pronounced /moh-muh-foh-bee-uh/“The fear of speaking off the cuff or from the heart; the terror of saying the wrong thing and having to watch someone’s smile fade as they realize you’re not who they thought you were.”
Chapter Text
The next few days came and went fast. On the day of the appointment, Izuku stood outside the dorms after class let out, waiting for Katsuki to show up.
Izuku tried to let the past days go. He felt like recently, he’s been doing and saying things he normally wouldn't do or say. That fight with Katsuki being a good example. Izuku knows Katsuki's right, of course Izuku should tell people what's going on, he wants people to know.
He wants support during this.
Still there was a small voice in the back of his head that kept stopping him. The voice fills him with fear of their reactions. It tells him that everyone will leave him, that he has to go through this alone anyways.
Izuku hates that voice with his whole being, yet still he finds himself unconsciously listening to it and pushing everyone away.
Katsuki was mad at Izuku. That was clear, but it's not the same anger that Izuku knows like the back of his hand. This anger wasn't loud yelling and explosions, It wasn't fighting when they should be talking. This was a low quiet simmer, just under the surface rage. It was full of so much disappointment and frustration that it made Izuku feel uncomfortable just standing next to Katsuki. He would still talk to Izuku when necessary but it was almost always short and straight to the point.
It made Izuku want to just give into it and do what Katsuki wants.
But he couldn't, Izuku couldn't do it. He just knows, deep down, that this secret would destroy everything. After he says it, everything would change. So much has already changed since the war, hell, even before the war. Izuku has experienced so much emotional whiplash that for once he wants to act like everything's okay, that everything is normal.
Why couldn't Katsuki understand that? Under everything, Izuku was scared. He was scared of this new reality and scared of everyone’s reactions. Telling everyone would make it so much more real then it already was.
Izuku paced around as he waited for Katsuki. He had to leave soon and he honestly didn't even think Katsuki would show, but he still stood by the stairs that led up to the dorms waiting for Katsuki to appear.
After a few minutes, just when Izuku was going to give up and leave, the doors to the dorm opened and out walked Katsuki, changed from his school uniform and freshly showered.
Izuku didn't know whether to sigh in relief that he actually showed or hide away in fear of more disappointing looks. Instead he shuffled his feet as he adjusted the straps of his bookbag, “I didn't think you were going to come.”
Katsuki scoffed as he walked past Izuku, “I said I fucking would, didn’t I? Let's go.”
Izuku said nothing as he followed behind Katsuki. He pulled out his phone and called for a car to come meet them at the front gates. The walk to the entrance was long, by the time they left the campus, the car was already waiting for them.
Izuku confirmed his name when the driver asked and winced when Katsuki slammed his door shut behind him. He wanted to say something, anything really, to break the awkwardness between them. It hasn't been this bad in a while, their friendship was still new, but they've been on better terms recently. Izuku must have been spoiled with the newly developed relationship because he didn't know how to deal with Katsuki like this anymore. He didn't know what to say to him, how to make it better again.
The next fifteen minutes went by slowly in stifling silence. When the car finally pulled up in front of the hospital, Izuku thanked the driver and handed over the money before quickly making his escape. He couldn't go far with Katsuki following closely behind him, but just being out of that car was better than before.
Izuku led the way as he walked into the hospital and over to the cancer unit to check in. Katsuki followed behind him silently the whole time Izuku was going through the check-in process and until he was eventually led to his room.
Izuku itched to say something again once they were in the room. Katsuki pulled out his phone and leaned against the wall as Izuku slid his bag off and set it on the table next to him. This might be worse than being in the car, the atmosphere was suffocating and Izuku was already feeling sick enough without the added emotional guilt trip.
“Can you say something?” Izuku broke the silence as he stared at Katsuki.
Katsuki put his phone away and crossed his arms, “You want me to say something? How about when are you going to tell your mother?” Katsuki cocked a brow at Izuku.
Dread filled Izuku, he wanted to talk but not about this. He actually didn't want to think about it at all. “I can’t.” Izuku looked away as he spoke.
“Why not? Do you even realize how worried she is about you? It's been months since you've last talked with her. Months, Izuku.”
Izuku didn't have an answer to that. He knows. He knows he's a horrible son, he knows his mom deserves better. He should tell her. Izuku knows all this and yet the answer remains the same.
“I can't, Kacchan. I can't tell her.” Izuku's voice broke.
“Then let me do it.”
Izuku looked over to Katsuki, “What?”
Katsuki uncrossed his arms and walked towards Izuku, “Let’s go today to your mom’s house. I'll tell her. I'll tell auntie everything.”
Izuku didn't know what to say to that. Katsuki was offering to tell his mom that her son was dying. That her son has a, probably, terminal illness that he might not survive from. Katsuki, the same person who couldn't stand anything emotional, any type of sadness buried deep down in him, he was going to face Izuku’s mother for him.
Izuku opened and closed his mouth, no words came out. He had a million thoughts going through him at the moment, nothing could have prepared him for this. The door to the room opened and Izuku’s main nurse walked in.
“Hey, honey. How are we feeling today?” He walked over to Izuku, snapping some new gloves on and unwrapping his supplies on a side table.
“Oh—um. Hi, good afternoon. I’m—I'm fine, I guess.” Izuku mumbled as he looked away from Katsuki finally to look at his nurse. Katsuki backs up to give the nurse room to work.
“I see you have company today, I'm glad.” The nurse smiled at Izuku as he handed over a small cup of pills to Izuku with a cup of water. Izuku took the offered cup, shaking the pills a little. He hated this part, he had to take a dose of steroids before his treatment to help strengthen his body for the chemo. The worst part is that it makes him feel like absolute shit afterwards.
“Yeah, that's Kacchan. We grew up together.” Izuku said. He lifted the small paper cup to his mouth and quickly drained the pills down with the water. He handed the items back to his nurse with a gag as the pills settled in. His stomach was already twisting horribly today.
“Sorry, I know this sucks.” The nurse opened an alcohol pad and wiped the inside of Izuku’s arm. “It's nice that you brought a friend with you. Childhood friends, how long have you two known each other?”
Izuku winced at the coldness of the wipe, keeping his eyes strictly away from wherever Katsuki was standing. “Kinda forever. I don't think there was ever a time when I didn't know Kacchan. Our moms are best friends.”
The nurse hummed as he opened up a packet. He pulled out a fresh I.V. and the wire that was attached to it. He tied a band around Izuku’s arm and tapped the skin until he found a vein, just as he was sticking the needle in, he spoke again, “That’s amazing to have known someone for that long. I'm guessing you two are pretty close considering the history there.”
Izuku didn't even feel the pain as the nurse slid the needle in and connected the wire to a bag of fluids. History was an understatement when it came to them, but Izuku would like to think he and Katsuki were pretty close even with all that happened. “Yeah, I guess.”
Izuku could feel Katsuki’s eyes burning into the side of his head, but he ignored it as the nurse started messing with the port on Izuku’s chest. He apologized to Izuku lightly as he dragged Izuku’s shirt down a little to connect a syringe to flush the port.
“Wait, what the fuck is that?” Katsuki stepped back into Izuku’s space as he peered over at the bump protruding from Izuku’s collarbone. The nurse paused for a second and looked back at Katsuki while he replied, “It's a port for the chemo. It was placed under his skin during a small procedure. No one likes to be constantly poked at with needles, so this makes things a little better.”
“Since when have you had that? I never noticed it before.” Katsuki asked Izuku. It wasn't surprising that Katsuki hadn't noticed it when Izuku did everything he could to hide it from everyone. He had gotten it when he first started and it was a bitch to keep hidden, especially in the public shower and changing rooms. “I've had it for a while, I don't know why you haven't noticed.” Izuku kept up his innocence by shrugging his shoulders.
“I'll leave you alone for now while we let the nausea medication and steroids do their jobs. I'll be back in an hour and then we can get you hooked up to everything else.” The nurse patted Izuku’s shoulder with a small smile before he left the room.
The second the door closed, Katsuki was on Izuku, “How long have you been getting this done?”
Izuku sighed, lifted his arm that wasn’t being used and rubbed the side of his face, “Since the end of April.”
Katsuki’s eyes bugged out at that information, “April?! You've been hiding this from me since April? It fucking June, Izuku.”
Katsuki paced around the room, “Did you know before or after my birthday? When exactly did you find out?”
“Kacchan…” Izuku whispered out the name. Katsuki whipped his head around back at Izuku and stalked over to him. “Tell me! Before or after! When did you know?”
Izuku lowered his eyes when Katsuki came close as he whispered, “Before. I knew a week before.”
“Oh my god. This has to be some fucking joke.” Katsuki mumbled to himself as he backed away from Izuku, falling into a chair on the opposite end of where Izuku was.
“You knew? During the party, did you know you had cancer?” Katsuki's voice cracked as he spoke.
“Yeah.”
Katsuki's lips trembled but he didn’t cry. He didn’t actually do anything. He just sat there staring at Izuku with despair and disbelief. Like he couldn’t believe what he was hearing was the truth, that Izuku did know. He knew and never said anything. He went to Katsuki’s birthday party that Ashido threw and he smiled the whole time. Izuku played games and ate cake, he laughed when Katsuki got his head slammed into the cake by Kirishima and laughed as he watched Katsuki chase him around for revenge.
The party was amazing, and Izuku did have fun. He also spent the whole time thinking that this might be the last time he saw Katsuki birthday while being healthy. He knew he was starting chemo soon, he knew he would get weaker.
He knew but he showed up anyway because it was for Katsuki. Izuku didn’t want to ruin anything, staying quiet meant he couldn’t.
“I’m sorry.” Izuku broke the silence with a whisper.
Katsuki didn’t say anything when he got up from the chair. He just grabbed his jacket from the arm of the chair and left the room.
The door shut with a bang and Izuku was left alone in the room.
Izuku sat in his room alone through his whole treatment, Katsuki never came back to the room.
“Where’s your friend?” The nurse asked as he took out the wires connecting Izuku to the machine.
“Oh. He just had somewhere to go.” Izuku mumbled as he held the gaze over the prick on his arm. The nurse placed a bandage over the gaze and took off his gloves.
“Okay, Izuku. You know the drill. You're going to feel bad for a few days, more nauseous, more drowsy. You might even feel just overall foggy for a while.”
Izuku nodded his head as he reached down for his bag, “Yes, yes. I know.”
“Make sure you stay hydrated, I know you might not want to, but you need to make sure you also eat when you can. Anything whenever possible.” The nurse grabbed a clipboard as he spoke.
“I know, I'll eat and drink water and rest.”
The nurse looked at Izuku, “I’m serious, I know you're in the hero course but you need to put your health first.”
“I will.”
The nurse gave Izuku a look of contemplation before he nodded his head, “Okay, you're all done for today. I’ll see you next time.”
Izuku smiled and waved goodbye as he grabbed his bag and other belongings and left the room. He walked past the front desk of the hospital and paused at the doors. Should he try to call Katsuki? He doesn't know where he went or if he even went back to the dorms.
Izuku sighed as he left the building and sat on one of the benches at the front of the hospital. He barely had time to settle in before someone walked over and sat next to him. When Izuku noticed Katsuki next to him his eyes widened, “I thought you left.”
Katsuki sighed as he leaned back into the bench, “I was going to, but I think we have somewhere more important to go.”
Izuku tilted his head, “Where?”
Katsuki got up and held out a hand to Izuku, “Come on, let's go.”
Izuku frowned at the hand but grabbed it, letting Katsuki pull him up. Izuku felt a head rush as he stood, he grabbed Katsuki’s shoulder to steady himself. “You good?”
Izuku nodded his head at Katsuki's question, “Yeah. Where are we going?”
“To the train.” Katsuki stated.
Izuku followed Katsuki as he led them to the station. He asked again where they were going as they sat on the train but Katsuki didn't answer. Turns out, Izuku didn't need an answer once they got off at their stop. Izuku stumbled at the sight of the familiar neighborhood and grabbed Katsuki’s arm to stop him, “Kacchan, what are you doing? Why are we here?”
Katsuki shook Izuku off and grabbed his arm, pulling him along as he walked closer and closer to the last place Izuku wanted to be right now. “We're going to your house. We’re going to tell your mom.”
“Kacchan, no. Kacchan, please! I can’t—I can't! I can't do this. Please, let's go back.” Izuku begged as he tried to pull off Katsuki's hand over his forearm. Katsuki powered through the yanking and the begging as he made his way through the neighborhood. “This is for your own good, Izuku.”
“Kacchan! Please don't do this.” Izuku cried out as they got to the building. Katsuki pushed open the door and shoved Izuku inside. Izuku tried to fight back but after his treatment he was far weaker and more unbalanced than usual. Katsuki dragged Izuku up the stairs until they reached the right floor.
Izuku lowered his voice once he was in front of the door, “Kacchan, please. I'm begging you. Don't make me do this. I can't be here. I can't watch this happen.”
Katsuki let go of Izuku and clenched his fist, he made no move to knock on the door. “Do you remember what I said when I got stabbed through the gut?”
Izuku paused. Katsuki said this when he apologized to Izuku for everything that he did. When Izuku was running around the city with no sleep and just a hope for peace, the class found and cornered him in the rain. Katsuki said these same words back then. “Stop trying to win this on my own.” Izuku answered.
Katsuki looked over to Izuku, “You can't hope to beat this without people supporting you Izuku. This might not be a damn war, but you need people to help you win this battle anyways. This is your mom, Izuku. She out of everyone deserves to know.”
Izuku felt the fight drained from him as he listened to Katsuki speak. “I know you're scared shitless about what this might do to her, but your mom is one of the strongest people I know.” Katsuki spoke as he raised his fist against the door and knocked. Izuku heard some shuffling inside and he swallowed hard when his mom called out, “Give me a second!”
“I can tell her.” Katsuki reminded Izuku of his words from before. To Izuku's own surprise he felt the need to shake his head at Katsuki as he replied, “No. I should be the one to tell her.”
The door opened and his mom’s eyes widened as she stared at them. A wild smile formed on her face, “Izuku! What are you doing here? And Katsuki as well, what a surprise!” She backed away from the door and pulled on Katsuki’s arm to drag him inside, “This is such perfect timing! Katsuki, your mom is in the living room. Go say hi!”
Katsuki's eyes widened in shock. Izuku gave Katsuki the same look over his mom’s shoulder as she dragged him in for a hug. This wasn't part of the plan at all.
Izuku shooed Katsuki away with a wave of his hand as his mom let go, “Hi, mom.”
“Izuku, oh my baby,” She placed a hand over his cheek, “I missed you! Why haven't you been calling me? You look pale, are you okay?”
This was exactly what Izuku feared would happen—he would look into his moms eyes while she gave him concerned and worried looks and he would just break under zero pressure. His eyes watered as he raised his hand over hers on his face. “Mom, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I haven't been in contact lately.”
Her eyes widened, “Oh my, it's fine! I know you're probably busy at your school. I just miss talking with you, it gets lonely here without anyone around.”
Izuku tried for a smile that he's not sure didn't come out wobbly as he gently turned her around, “Lets go to the living room. There's something I have to tell you.”
She let Izuku guide her away from the front door to where Katsuki and his mom were seated. Mitsuki smiled brightly when they walked into the room, standing up to pull Izuku into a tight hug, “Look at you! You've gotten so big, it feels like forever since I've last seen you.” She pulled back and ran a hand through his hair, “Look at your hair! It's grown so much, the side is almost completely back to normal.”
Izuku froze in shock when her hand came out and his curls went with it. “Oh!” Mitsuki gasps at the hair stuck between her fingers, “That's—I mean, I didn't…did I pull too hard?”
Katsuki stood up in a hurry and grabbed the hair from her hand, “ Mom , why don't you just sit down already.” Katsuki shoved Mitsuki over to the couches as he spoke. She stumbled to the side and whipped around to glare at him, “You fucking brat! Don't just push me!”
Izuku grabbed the hair from Katsuki and stuffed it in his pocket, “Um, if it's okay, can you please sit? I have something to say, something I probably should have said a while ago actually.”
Mitsuki sat down next to Izuku’s mom on the couch as Katsuki sat on the coffee table next to where Izuku was standing. Izuku took a deep breath as he wrung his hands in front of him, “I—um. I don't even know where to start?” Izuku looked over to Katsuki with wide eyes for help.
“Just start at the beginning. Tell them what you told me, just without all the mumble jumble.” Katsuki whispered. Izuku nodded his head as he took his bag off his back and set it down. He knew he was just trying to buy time before he spoke but he slowly unzipped his jacket and threw it over the arm on the couch.
Then pulled on his fingers to try and fight the nerves. “Honey, It's okay. You don't have to say anything if you're feeling stressed about it.” His mom reached a hand out to him as she stood up, Izuku held his hand out to stop her as Katsuki shaked his head at her, “No, he has to say it. Izuku, just fucking tell them.”
“Okay…” Izuku felt like he couldn't catch his breath. He inhaled dramatically before he just started to speak, “Okay. So, just before Kacchan’s birthday, I was on patrol and I dislocated my shoulder.”
“Oh! I remember, you told me about this.” His mom said.
Izuku blew out a puff of air as he nodded at her, his heart felt like it was about to beat out of his chest, “Yeah, I did. I went to the hospital to get it checked out and they did some tests and scans to make sure it was my only injury.”
Izuku hesitated in saying the next part, he didn't want to say he lied even if that's what he did. He doesn't know when he started, but lying to his mom became second nature at one point. He would lie about anything if it stops her from worrying too much. They talked about this. Izuku hates that he's gone back to old habits and lied to her about this too.
Izuku paced in front of the T.V. as he spoke, “Well, during our talk, I wasn't…completely honest with you mom.”
“What? What do you mean? You told me about your arm, you said everything was fine with it. Were you lying about—” Izuku cut her off, “No! No, I didn't lie about my arm. It's fine, see,” Izuku grabbed his shoulder as he moved his arm up and down to show it was okay.
Once he put his arm down, Izuku felt a spark of laughter bubble in his chest. He went in for a dislocated arm and left with a tumor. He burst out laughing, his nervousness fading like it never existed, “Oh, man. This is just great.”
“Izuku, honey…” His mom leaned forward, sitting at the end of the couch. Even Mitsuki sat up straighter at the sudden switch.
Katsuki stood up slowly from the table with his hands out. Izuku stopped them all by holding up his hand, he wiped his hand over his face to try and calm himself down, “Sorry, okay, I'm ready now.”
“Izuku…” Katsuki started but was cut off by Izuku, “When I went to leave, I was stopped because apparently one of the scans they took showed that I had a mass in my brain.”
His mom gasps the second the words left his mouth. Mitsuki shook her head, “Wait, what? What do you mean?”
“A tumor! I have a brain tumor…” Izuku trailed off. His breath got caught in his throat as he felt his knees go weak. “I have a brain tumor.”
Katsuki walked over to Izuku and placed a hand over his arm, “Izuku, what the fuck was that?!”
Izuku’s eyes watered, “What was what?!”
“That wasn't the plan! What happened to following the plan?”
Izuku backed away from Katsuki as he whispered to himself, “I don't know. I don't know what happened. That wasn't me. I don't know.”
“Okay, what the fuck is going on?” Mitsuki stood up.
Katsuki ignored her as he walked back over to Izuku, “Maybe this was too much right after your treatment.”
“What treatment? Katsuki, what's going on? Why is he acting like that and saying those things?” Mitsuki shouted.
Izuku kept backing away from them until he hit a wall, he slid down and tucked his head into his knees. Katsuki slowly approached, crouching next to Izuku, “Do you want to go lie down? I'll finish the rest.”
Izuku nodded his head and Katsuki grabbed Izuku’s arms, pulling him right back up, “Up we go. Okay, let's just go lie down.”
“Katsuki, honey, what's going on?” Inko stopped them just as they walked past the couch.
“Give me a moment, I'll explain after I put him down.” Katsuki waved her hands away as he walked Izuku down the hall to his bedroom. Izuku stumbled over his feet, grabbing his head as he leaned further into Katsuki's side, “Oh my god, my head is going to explode.”
He could feel his heartbeat pounding in his brain. Pulsing pain clouded his vision as he was half dragged into his own room. His stomach twisted as he was set down on his bed, “Give me a bag.”
“What?”
“Give me something!” Izuku shouted at Katsuki as he waved his hand around. Katsuki looked around the room quickly before he settled on an empty garbage bin on the side of Izuku’s desk. Izuku leaned over the second it was in his hands, nothing but burning stomach acid came out as he gagged into the bin.
His stomach contorted as he heaved into the bin, he stayed like that for a few more minutes until he was sure he could handle moving again. Izuku took a deep steadying breath as he set the bin down and laid over his covers on the bed.
He placed his arm over his face to cover his eyes, his bedroom light was off, but the little bit of sunlight peeking through his curtains was eating at his head. “You good?”
“I'm fine, Kacchan. I think I just need sleep.” Izuku mumbled as he turned to the side, stuffing his face into his pillow. Izuku heard Katsuki shuffled around the room for a second before he spoke up, “Okay.”
Izuku listened as Katsuki left the room and closed the door behind him. He could hear the floor creaking as Katsuki walked down the hallway and back to the living room. Izuku felt his stomach twist again, he closed his eyes tightly, wishing for the feeling to go away or for sleep to take him faster.
His body slowly relaxed as the yelling and crying started to ring loud through the apartment. It took a few minutes but he’s always tired after a chemo session, soon, the voices faded as he was quickly plunged into his peaceful dream state.
“Honey…”
Izuku groaned as someone shaked him lightly on his shoulder. His whole body was aching like a pulsing, bone deep bruise, he turned around to face the source of the voice.
“Izuku, baby…” Izuku blinked his eyes open to stare at his mom, she was sitting on the edge of his bed, fingers running gently through his hair. Her voice was soft but Izuku could hear that she had been crying, “Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you—I would have been there, I would've been with you…” Her words trailed off into soft cries.
He opened his mouth to say something like, ‘ I don't know’ , or, ‘ I was scared’ , but all that came out was a quiet whisper, “I'm sorry. ” Inko covered her mouth with her hand as her shoulders started to shake, low muffled sobs leaked, echoing in the quiet room.
The sun had set long ago. Izuku laid on his bed, surrounded by darkness with just the little light from the hallway bleeding into his room from the crack of his door, while he listened to his mom cry into her hand after hearing arguably the worst news of her life.
“I'm really sorry, mom. I'm so sorry.” Izuku felt a lump in his throat as he spoke. His eyes burned with tears, after all this time of him fighting, fighting this disease by himself and fighting not to tell anyone. He felt all the fight he’s been building up in him is slowly draining away. Leaving him as this empty shell of some sick kid that just can't be him. This just can't be happening to him. Izuku has tried so hard, so fucking hard in everything that he did. He’s been walking this tightrope of life and death since he was first diagnosed quirkless.
Izuku pressed his hands into his eyes as he cried, he was going to die and there wasn't anything he could do about it. Izuku was fighting, he was trying his best, getting the treatments and taking his meds, he was doing all he could. It wasn't going to be enough. He just wasn't enough .
He’s been fighting for so long.
Izuku felt like a dam burst at the thought. His body began to shake without his say as his emotions overflowed out of him. He didn't want to die. He didn't want to be sick, but what the hell was he supposed to do when he was giving these cards the day he was born and told good luck ?
What the hell was he meant to do now? Everything was messed up. He was stuck—stuck in this constant loop of pain and suffering. He was stuck lying to everyone, stuck living his life in a constant state of fight or flight without ever getting a damn break in between. Izuku was just so tired of everything. He wanted to rest.
He was done lying to himself. To say things simply, Izuku was going to get his scans redone in three months, that's when they'll find out if the chemo has been working or not, when they'll decide if he should get surgery. That scan, with the way Izuku was progressing, wasn't looking so good. He could feel himself getting sicker even with the treatments.
This isn't working and without a definite cure, Izuku was going to die.
“We’re going to fight this, Izuku.” His mom’s voice cuts through his thoughts. Izuku hiccupped as he cried into his hands. She grabbed his arms and pulled them away, her eyes burning into him even filled with tears, “You’re going to beat this, Izuku.” She placed a hand over his cheek with a soft, watery smile, “I'm here now, you don't have to fight this alone anymore.”
Izuku wanted to believe that he really, truly did. He wanted to believe he could beat this. He wanted to believe his mom.
But he couldn't. Not with the facts weighing down on his shoulder. Even with that, Izuku nodded his head at his mom and gave her a weak smile, “Thank you, mom. I love you.”
She pulled him into a tight hug, “I love you so much Izuku. You're going to be fine, nothing can happen to you, you're my little hero. Everything will be okay.”
“Okay.” Izuku whispered into her shoulder. She pulled back with a smile, “Oh gosh, look at us.” She wiped Izuku’s tears away, “Let’s go to the living room. Mitsuki cooked dinner and I'm sure you're starving.”
Izuku leaned his cheek into her hand for a moment, taking in the feeling of this warmth, before he nodded and moved away from her. She stood up from the bed, wiping her own face with a tissue Izuku didn't even know she had on her. “I'll just go get your plate ready.” She left the room with one last look back before Izuku was alone again. He sat up at the edge of his bed, using his shirt to wipe his wet face.
A quiet knock on his door startled him, dropping his shirt back down and he looked up to Katsuki, leaning against the open door. “I heard a lot of crying, I'm guessing things ended okay?”
“Yeah—” Izuku's voice cracked horribly. He cleared his throat as he stood up, “Yeah, everything’s fine.”
Katsuki walked into the room, “I told you it would work out, didn't I?”
“Yeah, you did.” Izuku looked up at Katsuki as he stood in front of him. He felt his body sag and his voice softened, “Thank you, Kacchan.”
Katsuki didn't say anything as he looked at Izuku. His eyes traced over Izuku’s face for a moment as they stood there. For the first time all day, Izuku felt like he could breathe better. Having Katsuki mad at him early was horrible, Izuku needed him—He needed him on his side. Izuku's hands itched to just reach out to hug him, to hold him tightly and never let him go again. Holding back on that urge, Izuku tilted his head in question at Katsuki, waiting for him to speak.
“Boys! Come on, the food’s getting cold!” Mitsuki's voice ran through the apartment. Izuku blinked as Katsuki cleared his throat, “ No problem.”
Izuku waited for Katsuki to say something else, when it was clear that was the end, Izuku pointed to the door, “We should get going.”
Katsuki broke from his gaze and began moving towards the door, “Come on then nerd. Let's go already.”
Izuku followed Katsuki out the door and down the hallway, the table was already set with five plates when they made it. Izuku frowned at the number of plates, turning to Katsuki to ask when he was interrupted, “Izuku! There you are.”
Katsuki’s dad came out from the kitchen. He was balancing cups in his hands as he made his way over, settling them on the table in a hurry before grabbing Izuku into a hug.
“Watch it, old man! You almost knocked this shit over.” Katsuki called out. Masaru ignored his son as he pulled back from Izuku, “I'm sorry to hear the news, Izuku. I came right over when Mitsuki called me, how are you feeling?”
“Oh, I’m okay now. I just needed to sleep off the treatments.” Izuku settled on an easy going grin. Masaru frowned at him, placing a hand over his forehead, “Are you sure? You don’t have to lie to me.”
Izuku waved his hand away, “Of course I'm always nauseous now and I have a bit of a headache that never goes away, but considering that's the new normal, I’m feeling great.”
The noise in the room paused as everyone looked at Izuku. It's easy to forget that while Izuku has been living with this for months, everyone else is still reeling from the news. Izuku took a step back and waved his hands around, “I'm fine, guys. Everything is fine. Let's just eat.”
While they all ate, everyone slowly eased up after some time. It was nice, still being able to have moments like this. Izuku could almost let himself be fully immersed into the moment, he could almost forget everything that's happened. Like how if Katsuki never pushed him away when they were younger, this could've been their normal and not a newly started tradition. Or how, If the war never happened, they wouldn't have ever started having these family dinners because Katsuki wouldn't have died, triggering the start of this tradition.
Izuku laughed hard when Mitsuki got up to pull out a photo album at Katsuki's expense. He wiped his eyes, his laughter dying down as he looked back at his plate, pushing the food around while everyone already ate their fill, leaving empty plates behind. Izuku looked over at the empty plates and then at his own full one.
Almost.
He could almost forget, but not completely. Not when the truth stares him in the face, forcing him to remember.
Katsuki gave Izuku’s plate an odd look while he took it away as he cleared the table. Izuku let out a shaky breath as he pushed his chair back from the table. He walked over to the living room where all the parents gathered around the couches, baby books laid out over the coffee table. They take turns looking through different photos, cooing at the small faces and gummy smiles staring back.
Izuku glanced at this one picture of himself, he was so young. He picked it up and looked at it, just a tiny innocent kid who didn't have a clue about what’s to come or what was going to happen. Pure happiness filled his face as he stared at the camera, he was waving his hand, clutching his prized limited edition All Might card tightly. Katsuki was in the photo as well, it must have been taken pretty early on. The sun was catching on his blonde spikes, casting a golden glow of a halo through his hair. Katsuki was looking at Izuku with a wide grin over his face holding his own version of the same card in his tiny hands.
Izuku remembers that day, when they opened the packet after counting to three, the shock gasps they both had when the very card they were hoping for was there. How happy they were when they finally noticed the other one had gotten the card too.
Such innocence, happy faces.
“Izuku, dear. Do you want to sit?” His mom called out to him. Izuku blinked away from the picture, setting it back on the table but flipping it so it was face down. “No, It's fine. We should really be going.”
“What? No!” Inko stood up. She walked over to Izuku and grabbed his hands, “No, you can't! You should stay here.”
Izuku smiled at her, gripping her hands back just as tightly, “Mom. I'm fine. What would you do if I stayed here? This isn't a cold, mom.”
Her eyes watered, “I know that. I know I can't do anything, but please. Izuku, please. You're my baby.”
Izuku pulled her into a hug, “I'll be fine. I'll be surrounded by heroes all day back at school. Plus there's always Recovery Girl.”
She cried onto his shoulder as he patted her back. “You know, I have a break coming up. I'll be back home soon. I'm even coming home for my birthday next month. You’ll still see me all the time.”
She pulled back, “Promise me you'll keep in contact. Call me, Izuku. I can't handle this if you don't call me.”
“I promise mom. I'm sorry I didn't before.” Izuku pressed a kiss to her forehead. The guilt was eating him alive to do this, but he couldn't bear to make his mom watch as he slowly deteriorated. This was better.
“I'll make sure he calls.” Katsuki came out from the kitchen. He dried his wet hands on a cloth, “I'll watch him, auntie. Don't worry.”
“Okay.” Inko backed away from Izuku and turned over to Katsuki, she pulled him in for a hug. His eyes widened at the contact but he let her hold him until she was ready to let go. “Thank you, Katsuki. For bringing him and taking care of him when I can't.”
Katsuki’s ears flushed red as he looked away from her, “Whatever. Let’s get out of here, Izuku.”
Izuku laughed at the reaction, bending down to grab his bag off the floor from where he left it earlier. “Do you guys want a ride? I can drive you?” Masaru asked as he got up from the couch.
“Oh! We were just going to take the train…” Izuku looked over at Katsuki who just shrugged at him. Masaru waved his hand at Izuku, “Nonsense, I have the car with me. I'll drive you guys back.”
Masaru walked past them and walked over to the front door, grabbing his jacket and keys from the hook. Izuku looked back over to his mom as he put his jacket back on, “ Bye, mom. I'll talk to you later.”
Inko hugged him tightly, swaying them side to side. “Make sure you call me Izuku. I'll beat you senseless otherwise.”
Izuku's eyes widened. Katsuki paused in the middle of putting his jacket on and burst out laughing, “Holy shit! Hanging around mom has corrupted you auntie.”
Inko laughed as she wiped her eyes. Mitsuki walked over and pulled Izuku into a hug, “She learned from the best.”
When she let go, she walked over to Katsuki and kissed his cheek before pushing him to the front door, “Okay, okay. Go already. Before the waterworks start up again.”
“Bye!” Izuku waved as he followed Katsuki out the front door. A calm silence settled over them as they had their way downstairs and out the building. Masaru unlocked the car door and Izuku slid into the front seat only after Katsuki already slammed the back door shut behind him.
Izuku spent the drive looking out the window, watching the city fly by under the starry night. About halfway there Masaru spoke, “Be honest, Izuku. How bad is it?”
Izuku looked over at him, glancing at the mirror to see Katsuki also waiting for the answer. Izuku turned back to the window— he was done lying. “It's bad.”
Masaru sighed, “Have the treatments been working?”
“I don’t know.”
The car was silent until Katsuki broke it, “It'll work. You get a new scan in three months now. It'll work.”
Izuku turned back to look at him with a sad smile, “Yeah…I hope so.”
The rest of the drive was quiet until Masaru was eventually pulled up in front of the school. He placed the car in park and turned to Izuku, “Izuku, you are one of the strongest people I know. The things you and Katsuki have gone through, not many people can make it to the other side. But you did. You have succeeded where others have failed, you will get through this too. You'll see the other side again.”
Izuku’s eyes watered. He leaned over the console and pulled Masaru into a hug, “Thank you, Uncle.”
Katsuki opened the back door just as they pulled away, “Alright, enough of this mushy shit. Lets fucking go.”
Izuku waved goodbye as he opened the door. Masaru called out, “I love you guys! Do your best!”
Katsuki slammed his door and then slammed Izuku’s when he stopped to say something back. “It's never ending, just walk away now.” Even as he said that, Katsuki waved goodbye to his dad as the car started and drove away.
The walk back to the dorms was peaceful. No one was outside this late and due to the size of the campus, it was far away from the city. The sky was shining with stars above them without the artificial light of a city blocking them. “Thanks for today, Kacchan. I don't know how long I would have kept this hidden from my mom otherwise.”
Katsuki hummed as he kept pace with Izuku’s slow pace, “Probably forever knowing you. You never know when to give in.”
“Yeah…” Izuku let his words die out. It was true after all, Izuku just normally didn't know when to give up. This was a little different than normal though. This didn't feel the same as all the battles he fought before. While Katsuki is probably the person who knows Izuku best, he doesn't realize that that statement does not hold the same truth as before.
Izuku has finally learned when it's time to give in. He just doesn't want to admit it out loud. He doesn't want anyone to say anything to him or tell him that it's going to get better. He doesn't want to lie or be lied to anymore.
“Are you going to tell the class?” Katsuki questioned as they finally made it back to the dorms.
If Izuku has a time limit to his life, he is going to make sure he spends it how he wants and goes out knowing that even with a losing battle, he is still able to live his life how he wants. “Yeah, but I'll wait until after the class trip. I just want to have one fun day without anyone worrying about me.”
“That's this weekend right?”
Izuku nodded as he pressed the elevator button, “Yeah, probably on Friday.”
Katsuki turned to the stairs, “Imma head up, I'll see you tomorrow.”
Izuku waved goodbye as Katsuki walked up the stairs. He could hear the distant sound of his door closing just as the elevator doors opened. Izuku was final in his decision. He knows the statistics, he should be getting better but he's not. The treatments, as aggressive as they were, just weren't working. His only other option was a surgery that had a eighty percent chance of killing him. He had three months left. If that was all he had left he was going to use it up until the day he couldn't.
The odds were not in his favor, but then again, when was it ever before?
Notes:
Here we go, sorry for the long wait. I messed up my outline and had to rewrite this chapter. Izuku finally tells people so yay! He's also accepting that he's probably gonna die. Yeah.... and then there the mood swings. Not yay.
I already got most of the next chapter written so hopefully that will be out soon.
I'm so looking forward to what I have planned tbh and remember kids, this is 100% a bkdk work so look out for the slow development of feelings being realized by both of them. There's a thin line between love and hate and sometimes trauma pushes people over to the other side.
Thank you for sticking with me <3
Chapter 9: try and fail and then fail again
Summary:
Anchorage n.
Pronounced /ang-ker-ij/
“The desire to hold on to time as it passes, like trying to keep your grip on a rock in the middle of a river, feeling the weight of the current against your chest while your elders float on downstream, calling over the roar of the rapids, “Just let go—it’s okay—let go.”
Notes:
TRIGGER WARNINGS PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD PLEASE READ
This will be a spoiler so sorry for advance, click on the end notes for everyone who wants the warnings, if you just wanna brave the chapter then scroll on.
8.2k words, Enjoy! <3
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
It felt like his heart was going to explode out of his chest. Any second, the middle of his chest will just give out as the lump of muscle breaks through his ribs and lands on the floor in front of him.
Not only that, his head. Oh god, his head. It feels like there's a hurricane happening in the shell of his skull. The harsh, cutting winds beating down on his brain with every motion and every breath he takes.
Izuku was going to pass out. There is no way around it. His throat was burning with each inhale, his body was a mix of fire and a bone deep sore that just won’t go away.
He’s running, he can’t stop running or he’ll lose. If he stops for even a moment, he’ll be overtaken. He has to keep running. Even with this feeling he has to keep going. He has to win.
Using the last bit of energy he has left in his body, Izuku pushes forward, using his quirk to boost him even further, he takes the last few steps over the finish line.
“Twenty minutes and forty seven seconds,” Aizawa calls out as Izuku crosses the white line.
Izuku stumbles to a stop just a few feet away, his legs weakening under him as he collapses onto the floor. His chest is burning from the extortion, each breath feels like glass cutting into him.
“Good job! That was a good run!” Ochako cheered him on, offering a bottle of water over to Izuku. He reaches up to grab it, but his arm is too weak to even move an inch.
“Just pour it in my mouth, O.” Izuku mumbles out to her. Ochako laughed as she twisted the cap open, crouching down while tilting the bottle over. Izuku opened his mouth as the water poured down. Most of it got into his mouth and he closed his lips, cheeks filled up as he slowly swallowed.
“Oh shit.” Ochako cursed as the water flooded over Izuku’s face when he closed his mouth without warning. Izuku swallowed and sighed in relief over the coolness of the liquid over his face and neck.
“Thanks.” Izuku reached his hand up for her to help him up. Ochako lifts him up fully, stabilizing him when he stumbles after the sudden shift.
“You good?” Shouto walks over to them as Ochako claps a hand over Izuku's back. Izuku nods to Shouto, his hand in a tight grip with Ochako’s still to help him stay upright.
He might have pushed himself too hard. His head was swimming with images that weren't supposed to be there. His stomach twisted into a knot just as Aizawa walked back over to the class. “That’s it for the obstacle course. Over the past year each of you have improved immensely. Good job everyone.”
Kirishima raised his hand and Aizawa nodded at him, “It doesn’t really feel that way, I mean—I finished in half an hour. That’s slower compared to everyone else.”
“Your time lands you in the middle of the group.” Aizawa waved a hand over to the class for everyone to gather around. “I know the results might seem like everything, but that’s not all that’s being watched for. Your time is important, but it is also just as important as your critical thinking skills during this test. There are many variables being looked at here. With that in mind, compared to how you all worked during your first year, the improvement is incomparable here.”
Aizawa looked around the class, “Any more questions?” The class stayed quiet, some even shaking their heads in response. Aizawa nodded his head, “Okay class dismissed, go enjoy your afternoon.”
Everyone cheered in excitement. Today was the day they had the big class trip planned, being released just a bit earlier meant they could have more time outside before curfew struck.
“Midoriya, a word.” Aizawa called out to Izuku. He let go of Ochako’s stabilization hand—not that she knew that just yet, Izuku will tell everyone tomorrow, and waved his friends away, “Go on without me, I'll be right there.”
“Come find me when you get to the dorms, we have to figure out your outfit. You're not allowed to dress yourself today.” Ochako pointed a warning finger at Izuku before she walked away.
“I don’t think you should go.” Aizawa started off the second Izuku was next to him. Izuku blinked at the statement before his heart dropped to his stomach.
“What?”
Aizawa sighed, “I saw you out there today. You're slowing down. You're in the middle of getting treatments done— I don’t even want you to be participating in classes like this. I think you should rest for the day, not spend hours walking around in the afternoon heat.”
Izuku could understand that. He was going through his treatments and it was getting harder for him to keep up…Actually, scratch that, he didn’t understand. “But I'm still keeping up with everyone, right? It’s hard but I can do this. I need to do this.”
Aizawa placed a hand over Izuku’s shoulder, “It’s not about keeping up, it’s about your health. You shouldn’t have to keep up at the cost of your well being.”
“But I'm being careful! I’m always taking my meds and I'm making sure I’m eating. Everything is fine, please Aizawa, please let me go.”
Aizawa sighed at Izuku. He closed his eyes with a hand over the bridge of his nose, “What happens if you faint? What happens if something happens and you're far away from campus and anyone who could help you?”
“I’ll have the class with me! And Kacchan! They’ll help me if something happens but it won’t come to that. Please, Mr. Aizawa, I have to go! It’s the first class event outside that we’ve had since the war.” Izuku begged with his hands enclosed in front of him.
That was the kicker because Aizawa gave Izuku another sigh before he gave in, “Alright. You can go, but be careful, Midoriya. Don’t take any chances, come straight back if you don’t feel good.”
Izuku gasps in excitement. He nodded his head, “Yes, yes! Thank you. Thank you, Mr. Aizawa!”
Aizawa waved him away and Izuku left in a hurry. He quickly changed back into his uniform, deciding to shower at the dorms, before he quickly made his way over to his dorm building.
Walking into the dorms was a mess. Everyone was running around, some half changed out of their uniforms, as they figured out what they needed to bring with them. “Do I need sunscreen?” Ashido asked as she walked into the common room.
“Why would you need that?” Ochako asked.
Ashido shrugged, “Just in case.”
Kaminari walked into the room, rubbing a towel over his freshly washed air, “But your pink?” He walked over and plucked the bottle of sunscreen from her hand. Ashido gasps as Ochako raises her hands in surrender and walks away, “Excuse you! I can burn!”
“How? You're already pink. How would anyone even know?” Kaminari asked. Ashido snatched the bottle away from him and hit him over the head with it. “Skin cancer still exists, smartass.”
Izuku held his breath as he got as far as he could from that conversation. The irony was not lost on him. Ochako made her way over to him, “Lets go pick out your outfit, we leave in an hour.”
Izuku let Ochako lead him away from the crowd and up the stairs. Once they made it to her room, she shoved him into his bathroom, “Take a shower. I'll deal with this mess out here. Why is everything still on the floor? I thought you were going to clean this already.”
“I just never have the time.” Izuku shrugged as he closed the bathroom door, leaving her to sort through his mess of clothes all over the floor from hurricane Katsuki. Undressing quickly, Izuku turned the water on to the right temperature of boiling hot before he got in. Showering has become a bit of a traumatic experience for him lately with all the hair lost, so Izuku has resorted to closing his eyes and keeping them closed until he is done. He made sure to scrub his scalp extra well, ignoring the clumps of hair he could feel in his hands and sliding down his back.
Once he was done, he dried himself with his towel and wrapped it around his waist. The bathrooms in the bedrooms were incredibly small, Izuku wasn't even sure how they fit a shower in a room this tiny. He cracked the door open slightly, “Can I get some clothes?”
Izuku blinked in surprise as Shouto stood up from his bed and walked over with a pile of clothes. “What are you doing here?”
“Ochako texted me. I think she's somewhere in your closet but I haven't seen her since I walked in.” Shouto shrugged his shoulders.
Izuku tilted his head confused, “Where did you get these clothes?”
Shouto pointed behind him, “They were on your bed folded. I just assume.”
“Okay then…” Izuku slowly reached out and grabbed them, closing the door and quickly dressing in the clothes. She even picked out his underwear which was something Izuku did not want to think about too hard.
Izuku opened the door and walked out, stepping over a pile of clothes until he made it to his bed where Shouto was already lying down on his phone. “Ochako?” Izuku called out.
“Just a second!” Izuku saw a pile of clothes in the closet move before Ochako popped out with a pair of jeans in her hands. “I got it! I knew it was in here somewhere.”
Izuku flinched as the jeans smacked him in the face. “Put these on instead.”
Holding the jeans up, Izuku looked at them confused, “Did I own these?”
“Nope! I'm pretty sure these are Katsuki’s.” Ochako grinned as she waved at him to hurry and put them on.
Izuku frowned at the jeans, “Kacchan? Why are they in my closet?”
“Because! Hurry and put them on!”
Izuku held the jeans away from him as he stared at them. He has no idea how they even found their way into his room or why Ochako knew they were there. Better question, how does she know these are Katsuki’s jeans?
Ochako threw a shirt at Izuku when he got up, “This too. I have a vision.”
Izuku frowned at the clothes but obeyed her demands. He got up to change in the bathroom, coming out with his hands held out so they could see. “Well?”
“Perfect! Oh my god Izuku, you look amazing in streetwear!” Ochako beamed at him. Izuku looked over at Shouto who just nodded in agreement.
“You don't think the pants are too baggy?” Izuku grabbed the sides of the jeans to flap the extra room.
“No! It's perfect! Come here I gotta complete the look.” Ochako waved Izuku over to his desk chair. He kicked over a stack of books to make room for him to walk. Ochako plugged in a hair dryer as he sat down. “We gotta dry this hair first.”
Izuku held his hands up to his head, “Wait! What? Why?”
Ochako clicked her tongue at him, swatting away his hands. “You can't go outside with wet hair! It’ll frizz up.”
Izuku hesitated but she was in no mood for him. She quickly dried his hair, ignoring his protests. Once she was done, she set the dryer down and grabbed the single beanie that Izuku still wasn't sure who owned, and placed it on his head. Tucking some curls under and taking out a few face framing ones. “Shouto, you brought the bag?”
Shouto grabbed a small cross bag from next to him and handled it over. Ochako slid the bag over Izuku's head and under one arm, leaving it to hang diagonally over his chest. She took a step back to admire her work, “It's absolutely perfect. You need to dress like this everyday.”
Izuku walked over to his hanging mirror on his wall. He actually looked well dressed, streetwear was the right word for his outfit. It was an overall baggy fit, the jeans actually had some silver chains dangling from one side of the waistband that showed just under his shirt. The beanie, unlike the time he just shoved it on to cover all his hair, was stylish with a few framing curls sticking out the front and back.
“Wow, Ochako. I never would have picked this out, but it's surprisingly good.” Izuku twisted the bag around his chest. He turned towards her with a smile, “Thank you!”
Ochako wiped a fake tear from her eye, “All in a day's work, Izuku.”
“Oh!” Izuku walked over to his bookshelf and grabbed a camera. He decided a while ago that buying a camera was probably worth the investment if he wanted to get some good pictures. “Where do I put this? It won't fit in this bag and I don't want to carry it around the whole time…” Izuku trailed off.
“I'm bringing a big purse, it's fine. It should fit.” Ochako waved him off. Izuku smiled at her, handing the camera over when she held her hand out for it. “I'm going to change. I'll see you in a minute.” Ochako left the room with Shouto trailing behind her.
Izuku looked at himself in the mirror again for a moment before he remembered something. Walking over to his desk, Izuku at least put away all his medications after the whole reveal thing. He popped open his anti-nausea meds, taking one out. He’ll probably need it later if he wants to survive the rest of the day.
He grabbed a tissue from his desk, wrapping the pill up and tucking it into a little inside pocket of his bag. With that done, Izuku looked around the mess for some socks, quickly sliding them on, before he left his room to wait downstairs for everyone else.
When Izuku walked out the elevator to the common room he startled at the sudden sharp whistle. “Damn, Mido. I didn't know you were like that?” Kaminari hissed loudly as he walked over.
Izuku blushed at the compliment, “Thanks. It was all Ochako though.”
“I knew you had potential that was hidden under weird shirts and shorts.” Hagakure squealed as she clapped her hands loudly.
Izuku wanted to hide his face in his hands. He knew he had the ‘Go shopping/change your style’ on his bucket list but he didn't want this kind of attention if he went through with it. It was embarrassing as hell.
Footsteps stomped down the stairs behind him, Izuku turned to look at who was coming. Katsuki came barreling down the stairs only to pause as he caught sight of Izuku. He stopped just at the bottom of the stairs, Izuku felt his face flush even brighter as Katsuki gave him a once over, nodding his head. “I had doubts that anything could be found in that closet of yours, but Ochako proved me wrong.”
“Um—technically, only the shirt is mine.” Izuku rubbed the back of his neck, feeling awkward over all the looks. He didn't feel too different but everyone was making it seem like he had zero style. Izuku could pick out some jeans and a shirt without help, thank you very much.
Katsuki frowned as he looked over the outfit again. His gaze went from top to bottom slowly until he stopped, his eyes narrowing to the jeans. “Wait a fucking minute… Are those— are those my jeans?!”
Katsuki stalked forward, lifting Izuku’s shirt up to get a better look. Izuku gasped at the intrusion and quickly flattened the shirt back down, feeling a bit scandalized. “Yes? I mean—I don't know. That's what Ochako said.”
“I knew it. I knew you didn't have shit in your closet. When the fuck did she steal these from me? When was she in my room?” Katsuki slapped Izuku’s hand away as he looked at the jeans, pulling on the chain in disbelief.
“I don't know, but she did God's work with this one.” Ashido commented as she walked around Izuku to get a better look at his overall fit. “You can't even tell he’s hiding that body underneath all these clothes.”
Izuku didn't even mean to cross his arms over his chest, but he felt like the eyes in the room were looking right through his clothes. Izuku thanked everything when the elevator doors opened again and Ochako walked out dressed in a cropped shirt and some shorts.
Katsuki turned to her, “When did you take these from me?” He tugged on the chain and Izuku stumbled at the pull.
Ochako grinned, “I was just looking through his closet and there it was. I don't know how it got there.” She shrugged her shoulders innocently before looking at Izuku, “Do you know how they ended up there?”
Izuku felt faint at the attention being forced back on him. He shook his head, “I have no idea. I don't even know who this beanie belongs to.”
“That would be mine.” Izuku turned around to see Sero raising his hand. “Yeah, I think I left that in your room at one point, but you're rocking it. It would destroy the fit to remove it.”
Some of the girls nodded their heads. Ochako grinned at Katsuki as she walked up to him and placed a hand over his shoulder, “Yes, Katsuki. It would destroy the fit to remove anything . Doesn’t Izuku look good today?”
Katsuki narrowed his eyes at her. Izuku wished he could just have the ground swallow him whole, just to escape the weirdness of this conversation altogether. Thanking the Gods once again, Tenya took that moment to march into the common room and clap his hands, “Is everyone ready? We have a schedule to stick to!”
All of the class was gathered in the common rooms at this point. Everyone chimed in with yeses, excited chatter filling the room. Tenya raised a hand in the air for silence, “Okay! We’re going to move as a group, no stragglers. We have a ten minute walk to the train, then on the train for half an hour before we make it to the park.”
“If anyone gets lost, text the group chat!” Yaoyorozu called out.
“We’re not slow! We know how to travel.” Kaminari whined beside Izuku.
“That's debatable coming from you.” Jirou replied back. Izuku burst out laughing with some others as Kaminari whined at the mean comment.
“Okay! On we go!” Tenya turned around and started the walk outside campus and to the nearest train station.
Izuku followed in the middle of the crowd. He stuck close to Shouto’s cold side as they walked across the open area. There wasn't a cloud in sight as Izuku expected, it was a perfectly hot spring day. The best weather to go on a trip.
“What did you bring in the bag?” Shouto asked Izuku as they walked. Izuku unzipped it, “Just the basics, phone, wallet. Not much can fit in here anyways.” Izuku pushed some things aside as Shouto leaned over to look inside.
“Ochako still has your camera, right?” Shouto asked. Izuku gasps as he remembers, turning to wave Ochako over, “Oh! Yeah, I thought it would be fun to take some pictures of us all there.”
“I didn't even know you had a camera.”
Ochako caught up with them after separating from the girls, “What's up?”
“Camera?” Izuku asked with his hand out. Ochako nodded her head as she held her bag open and pulled out the camera. She handed it over with a grin, “I took a few pictures already.”
Izuku laughed as he powered it on, looking through some mirror selfies of Ochako that she looked in her room. “They're nice.” Izuku clicked out of the photos and held the camera up to his eyes as he focused the lens in Shouto’s direction. “Say cheese!”
Without giving Shouto any time, Izuku snapped the picture of him. Shouto blinked at the camera in surprise, “Oh.”
Izuku laughed as he turned around, walking backwards. He looked at everyone behind him and raised the camera to his eye again. “Picture time! Everyone, say cheese!”
Ashido quickly jumped up onto Kirishima’s back and held out a peace sign. Ochako ran back to the group, grabbing onto Jirou and Hagakure and dragged them closer. Izuku started to count down from three just as Kaminari wrapped an arm around Katsuki's shoulders and pulled him into the photo. Izuku pressed the button a few times to make sure he got multiple images of the group.
As Izuku was taking the pictures, Katsuki pushed Kaminari away and walked over to Izuku with his hand held out. Izuku kept taking pictures as Kaminari fell to the floor and Kirishima tripped over him. Ashido was flung off his back and onto the floor, Jirou bent over as she laughed. Izuku got one more shot of the aftermath before Katsuki’s hand filled the frame as he pulled the camera away from Izuku.
“What's happening back here?” Tenya stopped walking as he heard the commotion in the back of the group. Izuku pouted as Katsuki held the camera away from his reach and started to mess with it.
“Give it back, Kacchan!” Izuku followed Katsuki as Tenya marched over where everyone was groaning on the floor. “I said no stragglers!” Tenya scolded the group.
“You suck at taking pictures.” Katsuki walked further away from the group and towards the front. Izuku followed behind him, going against the flow of everyone going to see what was happening in the back.
“I do not! I'm just testing it out anyway.” Izuku reached around Katsuki to grab the camera, “Be careful! It's new, Kacchan. Don't drop it.”
“I won't drop it if you stop bumping into me.” Katsuki held the camera up to his face as he looked through the lens.
Izuku held his hands out in fear of the camera hitting the floor, but he stopped trying to grab it from Katsuki. “Kacchan, please.”
Katsuki turned to Izuku with the camera held up and snapped a few pictures of Izuku. Izuku reached forwards and blocked the lens, “Stop! You're going to take up all the storage.”
“Relax.” Katsuki rolled his eyes as he handed the camera back. “What's the point of bringing it if you're not going to capture everything?”
Izuku scrolled through the pictures that Katsuki took, “I am capturing everything. I don't need pictures of my own face. I want the class.”
“You're part of this class, so you're going to be in the pictures, nerd.”
“All right! No more fooling around! We are reaching the station.” Tenya pulled Kaminari to the front with him as he led the class up the stairs.
“It wasn't me! I was pushed!” Kaminari complained as he was dragged along.
Izuku looked up the stairs to the station as the class slowly made their way up. He was really starting to hate stairs. He sighed and walked up the stairs, by the time he reached the top, everyone was gathered around again.
“It's about thirty minutes on the train and then we can walk the rest of the way.” Yaoyorozu explained to the group. She held her phone up in the air, “I texted everyone the place of the park just in case.”
Sero raised his hand, “Wait, we're going to a park? I thought we were gonna get on roller coasters?”
Some people nodded along. Katsuki groaned as he walked past the group to pay for his ticket, “I can't deal with these dumbasses today.”
Yaoyorozu smiled with patience that Izuku didn't know how she could have with this class, “It's an amusement park. There will be rollercoasters. I just shortened the word to park.”
“Oh.”
Izuku walked over to Ochako as she tried to explain the same thing to Shouto. “It's just called an amusement park, Shouto. I don't know why.”
“Is it because it's amusing?”
Izuku smiled as he grabbed Shouto’s arm, “Why don't we get on the train and find out. Is this your first time?”
Shouto nodded as Izuku dragged him away to buy the tickets for the train. Ochako trailed behind them as they made their way to the platform to wait for the train to arrive.
“Don't worry, it's my first time too. I never had the chance to go before so this is exciting.” Ochako exclaimed to Shouto.
It took the train five more minutes before it was rushing past them pulling up to a slow stop. Izuku boarded the train; it was packed due to rush hour. It was a tight squeeze, but Izuku is about seventy five percent sure most of the class made it in.
He twisted in place as he searched for a handheld, stumbling in place as people pushed into him as the train just started to move. Someone grabbed his arm, pulling him forward. Izuku squeaked out and apologized as he bumped into people as he was pulled into a chest. “Fucking hold on. If you fall and knock everyone over, I'm going to laugh and take pictures on your camera.” Katsuki spoke into Izuku’s ear.
Izuku slapped his hand over the side of his face, trying to rub out the weird ticklish feeling of air blowing into his ear as Katsuki spoke. He stumbled again and Katsuki tightened his grip on his arm to steady him. “Fucking stand still. Spread your legs to keep balance.”
Izuku widened his stance as he was bumped into again. Jirou whispered an apology as she held onto Ashido next to Izuku. Taking her cue, Izuku gripped his hand over Katsuki's arm for something to hold onto. Katsuki grumbled as he widened his stance for Izuku to stand in front of him more comfortably.
Izuku winced at the position, “Sorry Kacchan.”
“Its fucking fine, there no where else for you to go when its this pack.” Katsuki sighed into the air.
Izuku stumped again as the train jerked, fumbling to reach his other hand onto Katsuki’s arm to stabilize himself better. “Sorry.”
“Stop fucking apologizing.”
“Sorry.”
—----------
The train ride was filled with uncomfortably close bodies the whole way until their stop came. Katsuki grabbed Izuku’s arm and in turn, Izuku grabbed onto Jirou who was holding Ashido. Katsuki pushed past people with quick meaningless apologies thrown out as he made his way out the train.
Izuku stumbled off the train into a crowd of people who were waiting to get on. Katsuki tightened his grip on Izuku as he maneuvered through the crowd and out of the station. Once they were out, Izuku let go of Jirou’s hand, taking a breath of fresh air.
“That was rough.” Ashido commented as she came to a stop in front of Izuku. They formed a little circle around each other while they waited for everyone else to stumble out of the crowd. Katsuki was still holding onto Izuku's arm, Izuku gave him a little shake to let go as he grabbed his phone. Katsuki let go in a hurry but Izuku didn't notice as he pulled open the group chat.
Class A “house of horrors” chat
Izuku: everyone get out okay?
Shouto: I made it. Where r u?
Tenya: Everyone meet outside!
Mina: Im outside w kyo mido and kats front of the station
Denki: HEKp im getin trampled in here
Kyoka: lol sucks
Denki: HELop Ineed helppopp
Jirou sighed, “I’m going back in to help him. Wish me luck.”
Ashido patted her shoulder, “Good luck girl.”
Izuku watched her head back inside to save Kaminari. His phone dinged a few times in his hand just as Katsuki pushed a cold bottle onto his neck. Izuku jumped back, slapping hand over his neck as he stared at Katsuki in shock. “Why? Just why?”
“Drink this.” Katsuki cracked the bottle open before pushing it into Izuku’s hand. Izuku frowned as he grabbed the bottle, lifting it to his mouth as Katsuki snatched his phone from his hand, fingers flying over the phone as he typed.
“Kacchan, no! Stop that.” Izuku reached for the phone as Katsuki turned his back to Izuku to stop him. Ashido laughed out loud at her phone just as Katsuki handed it back. “Here.”
Izuku scowled as he looked down at his phone.
Class A “house of horrors” chat
Denki: I VE BEEN SAVED
Eijirou: awesome where u at?
Izuku: HURRY THE FUCK UP YOU SHITHEADS
Izuku: I DONT HAVE ALL FUCKING DAY YOU KNOW FUCKERS
Ochako: now im really running
Hanta: same
Eijirou: same
Shouto: did izu have a stroke or was he attacked by a villain in the five minutes he was alone?
Tooru: personality changing quirk you think?
Shouto: probably
Mina: LSKAKAKSDJCNKJS
Tsuyu: wouldnt be surprised
Tenya: LANGUAGE IZUKU PLEASE
Kyoka: Baku was w him when i left them
Hanta: ooooo
Denki: ooooo
Ochako: that makes more sense
Eijirou: yeah im going regular speed now
Izuku: THAT WASNT ME!!!!!
Izuku: THAT WAS KACCHAN OMG
Izuku reached out to smack Katsuki's shoulder. Katsuki swerved out of the way of Izuku's hand just as Ochako came stumbling out of the station. Shouto followed behind her with Jirou and Kaminari.
“Freedom! I missed you!” Kaminari exclaimed as he made it down the final steps. Slowly, everyone trailed out the station one by one until the whole class was forming a small crowd blocking the stairs.
“I'm surprised no one got left on the train.” Jirou comments as she scans the faces of the class. “Small mercies.” Izuku whispered back. Tenya stood on the steps of the station, calling out to the class, “Okay! We're moving to the place now! Follow along and don't get left behind.”
“We will forget about you if you get lost.” Ochako yelled out to the group.
They moved away from the entrance they were blocking, walking down the block to where the amusement park was, Izuku could see the Ferris Wheel from where he was at. Katsuki was keeping pace with him instead of splitting off to his own friends, Izuku turned to him with excitement, “Look! You can see the Ferris Wheel from here! I'm so excited, are you going to get on any rides?”
“I can do the same twist and turns with my fucking quirk, what's the point?” Katsuki grumbled.
Izuku gasps and grabs Katsuki’s arm, “What? No! It's not the same! You have no control over the ride or that makes the twist and turn more exciting!”
“Yeah! You have to get on one bro! Don't wimp out.” Kirishima caught up with them, wrapping an arm around Katsuki's shoulder.
“Get the fuck off me, I’m not fucking wimping out! This shit doesn't scare me.” Katsuki ripped Kirishima’s arm off.
“That means you're getting on a ride with us, right?” Ashido skipped forwards in front of them, turning around so she was walking backwards in front of them while talking. “If you're not wimping out, you'll get on the highest roller coaster with us, right?”
“Fuck you! I'll get one every single rollercoaster this shitty amusement park has to offer.” Katsuki picked up his pace to storm out in front of the group. His friends follow after him, riling him up enough to make him more easily accepting of their whims.
Izuku let them leave him behind. He still had his camera, lifting it up, he captured a photo of the group in front of him. It was a nice picture if it was just mostly the backs of their heads. Ashido was turned to the side with a wide smile on her face, Kirishima had thrown his arm back around Katsuki’s shoulders and he let him. The background was filled with the entrance of the park, bright colors and swirling tracks filled the frame. Izuku snapped a few more pictures until he left the wind of Sero and Kaminari running past him to join the group.
He could see Sero talking through the lens of his camera before Katsuki turned around to look back. Izuku took pictures as the group moved, slowly all turning to him and actually posing for the picture with the park in the background.
Izuku dropped the camera with a smile after a while. He waved them away as he looked down at the pictures he took. Pulling the camera closer to his face, Izuku could swear there was a smile on Katsuki’s face.
Huh. Would you look at that, he could smile at Izuku. Tilting the camera to the side, Izuku leaned in closer to look at the picture. This might just be the first time in a while that Izuku has seen Katsuki smile in a picture. It hasn't happened since they were both kids.
Izuku has been having a lot of epiphanies lately. They've been pretty split in half, on one side he's dying. On the other half, Katsuki. Izuku likes to think he knows Katsuki pretty well, he wants to say the best , but he's not trying to be cocky about it. So, pretty damn well. Yet, never had it occurred to him to think that Katsuki could act this way. And maybe it was just the cancer talking, but Katsuki has been different lately. It could be the slightly nicer part that's just because of their newly developed friendship, but Katsuki’s not really nice to people.
The whole thing just hurts Izuku’s head. He’s honestly still trying to wrap his head around that smile .
“Come on, Izuku!” Ochako ran past Izuku towards the entrance. Izuku smiled at her, wrapping the band of the camera around his neck, “Hold on! I'm going!”
—-----------
Izuku picked at the cotton candy in his hand, pulling a piece away and stuffing it in his mouth. He had lost sight of most of the class the second they were let in, everyone splitting into groups and going their separate ways.
“We should go on that one next.” Shouto pointed over at the highest rollercoaster in the park. Izuku looked over to the ride, feeling faint at the idea of getting on something that goes that high into the sky. Ochako craned her neck to look up at the ride and grinned, “We are doing that.”
Izuku sighed as he picked off the last piece from his stick, shoving it into his mouth and getting up, “Alright let's do this.”
Ochako cheered as she ran to grab Tenya and Tsuyu from the booth they were chatting by. Izuku placed his camera in Ochako’s purse and grabbed it, walking over to the line. Ochako raced over to them with the others, jumping in excitement once she realized they were within the right amount of people to get on the next ride. “Oh, awesome! This is basically zero waiting time.”
“I'm kinda nervous about this one.” Izuku flinched, gripping the purse tightly at the screams as the cart dropped down suddenly and twisted out of sight.
“You’ll be fine, you can fly.” Shouto patted his back lightly as the line moved up. Everyone started to place their bags into the cubbies provided. Izuku slid off the purse from his shoulder and unhooked his own bag over his head, placing them into the same space. “I know that. It's just such a steep fall.”
“Wasn't it you I heard earlier saying that was the fun in it? Having no control?” Tsuyu pointed out as she unhooked her bag and dropped it on the shelf below his. Izuku turned to her with a frown, “I don't like it when my words are thrown back in my face like that.”
“It'll be fun.” Tenya commented from behind Shouto. Izuku looked over when Shouto pointed back at him, “You heard the class rep, It'll be fun.” Shouto pushed Izuku over to the waiting area.
Izuku sighed, “It'll be fun, they say.”
Ochako laughed, “You have done this before every ride and it was always fine.”
Izuku glanced back up as the coaster took another dip before turning upside down, “Right.”
It took a few more minutes until the cart was slowly dragging its way back to the starting point. Everyone got off with shocked joyful expressions, hair crazy from the rushing wind as they made their way to the shelfs to collect their things.
“Oh, hey! I haven't seen anyone in hours.” Kirishima grinned at them with a winded laugh. He stumbled over his own feet while he reached into a cubby to grab his bag. Kaminari came rushing over next, “That shit was wild! I want to go again.”
“Iida take off your glasses before you go on, the wind will take your shit away.” Ashido walked over to the group with a frown, “I lost my sunglasses that were on my head.”
“I told you to take that fucking thing off.” Katsuki said.
Izuku watched as they collected their things before he spoke, “Was it good?”
“Amazing! Ten outta ten would recommend.” Kaminari gushed.
“That's what I'm talking about! Let's go!” Ochako exclaimed as she grabbed Izuku’s arm and dragged him over to the seats. The seating was set up weirdly in a way that you had to stand up straight instead of sitting down, placing your feet into the foothold and holding on tight to the bars in front of you. Izuku shimmied into his spot as Ochako took the place next to him. He held onto the bars in front of him tightly, feeling unsafe with the way he was getting strapped in.
“We need one more.” The worker asked. Kaminari jumped in place to offer himself up, “Please! I'll go! Please!”
Izuku couldn't see but the worker must have given him the go ahead sign because Kaminari whooped and got into the space behind Izuku. It took some time for the worker to get all the bars down and strap everyone in, Izuku felt more stable with the cage-like area he was in, compressing him to the padding in front. The roller coaster jolted, “Have fun.” Izuku tightened his hands into fist around the handholds as the roller coaster slowly inched its way up the steep hill.
“Oh shit, why did I get back on? I hate this part.” Kaminari whined.
Izuku burst out laughing with Ochako, “What do you mean?! Why did you get back on then?” Ochako laughed as she looked back at Kaminari. “I don’t know!” Kaminari yelled.
The roller coaster slowly clicked as it got to the top, jolting to a stop. Izuku could see the whole park from up here, all the shining lights and people on the ground. The sun was close to setting now and the view was amazing.
“Wow. This is gr—” Ochako started before she cut herself off with a scream as the ride suddenly dipped forward. Izuku felt his heart drop to his stomach as he was turned head first into what felt like a freefall. Everyone was screaming as the roller coaster twisted into its first turn, spiraling down a few times before it shot up and into a loop.
Kaminari screamed high pitched behind Izuku and he couldn't help but laugh as the rollercoaster dipped again into another drop. They spinned into another loop before the ride slowly eased its way back into the station. Izuku's laughter died down as the ride slowed down. “That was fun!” Izuku called over to Ochako.
“Just wait for it.” Shouto called out from the other side. Izuku leaned forward to look at him, “Wait for what?” Just as the ride started to slow down, it picked up speed in the opposite direction. “It's going backwards!?” Izuku screamed as they went reverse into the loop they just left.
Izuku’s stomach twisted horribly as the roller coaster started to spiral him back up before falling into another drop. The wind was rushing past his ears as he leaned back into the bars behind him. He had to let go of one of the railings to slap his hand over his mouth as the ride looped again.
Izuku kept his eyes closed for the rest of the ride, more backwards twists and turns threatening to send him over the edge. Finally, the ride did one last fall before it slowly eased its way back into the station. This time for real.
The mechanism for the seats released, the pressure of being strapped in gone. Izuku slowly let go of the handles in front of him as the worker came through the isles and unbuckled everyone. He waited for everyone before him to slide out before he followed.
The second Izuku’s foot hit the floor, his knees did a small jerk. He grabbed onto Tenya who was standing next to him, trying to get his own bearings together too.
“That. Was. Awesome!” Kaminari shouted as he ran back to his friends who surprisingly waited for him just outside the ride. Izuku made his way to the cubby, grabbing his and Ochako’s bag before he slowly made his way down the stairs to leave the station for the ride.
“How was it?” Ashido beamed at them as Izuku and the rest of his friends met up with the group. Izuku waved the group away as he walked over to the nearest bench and dropped himself on it.
His stomach was twisting sharply as he took steadying breaths. That was a very bad, very dumb idea.
“You good, Mido?” Kirishima asked as he sat down next to him.
“Yeah, you're looking a little green…” Sero commented.
Kirishima nodded his head, “More than usual anyways.”
Izuku laughed. “Yeah, I’m fine. That ride was just a bit much.” Ochako nodded her head as she walked past the group and sat next to Izuku. He handed her bag over as she spoke, “Yeah, I was not expecting it to go backwards.”
“Shouto, how did you know?” Ochako questioned.
“I watched some videos online before we came.” He shrugged his shoulders.
“That’s not fair.” Ochako mumbled as she leaned back into the bench.
Izuku closed his eyes as he tilted his head to the side. The nausea was really starting to get to him. He felt a bit lightheaded, like the room was spinning even with his eyes closed. “Does anyone have water?” Izuku asked as he dropped his head into his hands.
“Oh, um…” Ochako dug through her bag before she sighed. “No. Um, can someone go buy some water from a stand?”
“Wait! I have some.” Ashido pulled out a bottle from her bag. “It’s a bit warm now, but I'm always prepared.”
Izuku reached out for the bottle as Kaminari started talking, “What else do you have in there? It’s so small but it’s like a black hole. I’ve seen you pull shit out of there all day.”
Ashido smiled before she raised a finger to her lips, “A girls gotta keep her secrets.”
Izuku cracked the bottle open and chugged half the bottle, trying to keep his stomach at bay. Ochako pulled his camera out of her bag, “We should take a picture! This is the perfect time.”
“Yes. That’s a great idea.” Tenya said as he reached for the camera. “I’ll try to get everyone in, huddle up.”
Izuku took that moment when everyone was distracted getting into position to open his bag, pulling out the small paper and popping the pill into his mouth. He took a sip of the water just as Kirishima threw an arm around his shoulder and leaned in.
“Okay, ready?” Tenya held the camera up and angled it just so everyone who was huddled around the bench could fit.
“Excuse me, I could take the picture if you like?” A woman walking past stopped and asked. Tenya smiled and handed the camera over, “That’s very kind of you. Thank you.”
“No problem.” She grabbed the camera and motioned for them to all squeeze in together. “Three, two, one.” Izuku smiled as brightly as he could as she clicked the button multiple times. Once she was done, she walked over and handed the camera back, “I took a few so you can look through and pick the best one. You guys look great in them by the way.”
Izuku reached for the camera as the lady walked away. He clicked through the pictures she took for a moment before handing the camera over for others to look at. “Those are nice.”
“You have to send all these photos to the group chat!” Ashido exclaimed as she snatched the camera from Kirishima.
“Fucking watch it! That shit is new.” Katsuki called out at the rough handling. Izuku leaned his head over the back of the seat where Katsuki was standing to smile at him. He does listen.
“Okay, we should move. Let’s stick together and find more rides!” Kaminari clapped his hands together and started to herd the group up and away from the bench. Izuku sighed as he stood up, he grunted as this weird feeling passed over him. His hands were tingling.
“Yes! We should try the Ferris Wheel!” Ochako called out to the group as they started moving.
Izuku followed at a slower pace. The group moved ahead of him as they pointed to different rides. Heat slowly started to build up in his body, like a sudden flash of a heatwave. Katsuki paused a few paces ahead before looking back. He waited for Izuku to catch up before he grabbed his arm, “You good?”
Izuku felt his eyes flicker, “I’m—um.” He gulped. “I—I don’t…I—”
Katsuki stopped walking, “Izuku?”
Izuku paused. The room was spinning, the tingling traveling up his arms even as he stood still. When Izuku was first diagnosed, he did a lot of research about his condition. Just so he knew what he should expect, but there was this one symptom. One that he knew he should have, but had never experienced.
“I—Kacchan…” Izuku mumbled his words. There was a ringing in his ears as he forced the last words out, “I—think…I—I, Kacchan—“
Izuku felt his hand stiffen just as his eyes rolled to the back of his head. It was the weirdest feeling, being half conscious while his body stiffened and fell from Katsuki grip.
He felt hands catch him just before he hit the floor. His whole body convulsed and he could feel every painful twitch. Izuku heard Katsuki curse loudly, his voice full of panic, “Fuck! Izuku! What's happening?”
“What the—”
“Oh my god, he just collapsed!”
“I think it's a seizure.”
Izuku felt like he couldn't take a breath, his body was spasming and he had no control over it. His neck tensed as it jerked to the side, slamming his head against the concrete beneath him. People were speaking all around him, he could hear their voices so clearly. Katsuki screamed at someone, “Call a fucking ambulance! Deku!”
Hands cradled the back of Izuku’s head. Izuku felt more hands on his body before Katsuki was yelling again, “Give him space! Someone time this!”
“Holy shit!”
“What's happening to him?!” Ochako cried.
“Its a fucking seizure. Time it! We have to know how long it lasts.” Katsuki spoke. He was the closest to Izuku and was about to grab his arm when it suddenly went flying to the left. Izuku felt his own saliva build up in his mouth, choking him for a moment before he was rolled to the side. “Okay, you're okay. You're okay, Deku. Just breathe. Deku, breathe.” Katsuki's voice was right next to his ear.
His back spasmed and Izuku felt the whine build up without his control. Tears were pouring down his face, he was in so much pain. It felt like his body was trying to dislocate itself. Like he was being ripped in half.
“Hey, hey, hey. You're okay. Just relax.” Ashido’s voice was suddenly next to him. He felt someone wipe his chin as his body suddenly inhaled a choke breath. He felt the release of his muscles as he suddenly relaxed, his eyes fully closing as it did.
Rubbing on his back stirred him awake. Izuku opened his eyes with a sudden inhale before he started to cough. Hard, rough coughs shaked his body, he gagged on the build up of saliva and the metallic taste in his mouth. The coughs burned in his lungs and throat as he gasped for air, resting his cheek on a pile of tissues under his face.
A cold hand touched his cheek and Izuku flinched back. He blinked up at the faces crowding him, his vision was slowly clearing up, but everything was still blurry. Shocking bright red eyes was peering directly in his face, something he felt like he should recognize.
“Can you hear me?”
Izuku was under a wave of shock and confusion. He didn't know what else to do but cling to the hands holding him as he cried. He felt his body being rocked as someone shushed him, “You're okay. I know that was scary, but you're okay.”
He buried his face into a shoulder as he listened to the soothing voice, “You're okay, Izuku. You're okay. Everything's going to be fine. You're going to be fine.”
Notes:
TRIGGER WARNING: Seizures and vivid description of seizures. Not a joke I researched the shit outta this to make it as real as I possibly could. No blood or gore but just a detailed description of someone having a seizure.
Okayyyyyyyy....Scroll back up now or press the top button because this is where the end notes began.
I hesitated so much during writing this. I had the whole seizure scene planned out but just before I got to it I was like "Can I really do this to poor Izuku?" turns out all I needed was a friend to play the devil on my shoulder and convince me to write out the scene as it originally should be. It was about to be the most fluffiest chapter but I was placed back on the angst train. This is what happened.
just so everyone is aware this was originally suppose to end at 50k...I'm about to be at chapter 10 and its already almost 50k and I'm maybe half way complete. This used to be 3-4k chapters at most guys. idk where this is coming from but I'm pretty confident it means imma finish this fic soon. hopefully, fingers crossed. I'm starting to get hand cramps from typing and I'm blaming this fic.
ANYWAYS sorry for the rant I promise some fluff awaits you and so does more bakudeku. Believe me when i say i want them to kiss so badly but its just not the right time. They still have much to figure out but Izuku is slowly getting there and so will Katsuki. Patience is all that is needed.
Thank you for everyone whose waiting for updates and leaves comments and kudos. I truly love you guys, reading the comments literally makes my whole damn day and actually motivates me to write believe it or not. I really appreciate the support.
kiss to you all! <3
Chapter 10: the fear of living in the present
Summary:
énouement n.
Pronounced /ey-noo-mahn/
“The bittersweetness of having arrived here in the future, finally learning the answers to how things turned out, but being unable to tell your past self.”
Notes:
IM SO SORRY FOR THE WAIT!!!!
Writers block has been kicking my ass, here’s 7.9k words to make up for my absence.
enjoy!!!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
“Where are we going?” Izuku asked as he stumbled over a fallen branch. His legs were sore from all the climbing he was doing trying to keep up. “Kacchan!”
“Come on Izu, we don't have all day!” Katsuki called out to Izuku, slowing down to grab his hand and pull him along. Izuku tripped over some fallen twigs as he was pulled forward—they had been walking through the forest for a while at Katsuki’s request.
“Did we have to leave so late? Mom’s gonna get mad, the sun is about to set!” Izuku complained as Katsuki jumped up a huge rock and held a hand out to Izuku.
“That's the best time! It's going to be worth it, I promise.” Katsuki shaked his hand and Izuku reached up to grab it. He climbed up the rock and followed as Katsuki jumped across to another one. Izuku doesn't know how long they walked for until Katsuki finally made a satifisted noise as they reached the top of a cliff.
There was a single large tree just at the base and you could see the sun setting in the distance. Katsuki turned back to Izuku with a smug smile as he waved a hand out to the view. “Well? What did I say?”
Izuku's mouth dropped open as he took a step closer to the tree. He laid his hand against the bark as he stared ahead. The drop was steep but you could see the whole forest from the top. The trees were a million different colors, vibrant reds and oranges glowing in the setting sunlight.
Izuku turned around to look back at Katsuki, “Wow, Kacchan! How did you find this?”
Katsuki rubbed his hand against the back of his neck, “I was just wandering around and stumbled across this spot the last time dad took me hiking. I thought you would like it.”
Izuku turned back to look at the sunset, “I do! I really do.” Katsuki walked over and Izuku turned to ask, “Does this count as hiking? I've never done that before.”
Katsuki scoffed, “No way. I gotta show you what real hiking is, I know the good trails.”
Izuku laughed. He sat down on the grass, far enough from the edge that his feet barely reached it. His mom would be pissed to find out he was even this close to the edge of a cliff but Izuku felt a little brave with Katsuki next to him. “It’s so pretty—the view. I wish to stay here forever.”
Katsuki sat down beside him, leaning back on his hands. “Yeah…but, Izuku. You know you can’t, right?”
Izuku nodded his head as he picked on the grass, “Mom would be pissed.”
“Not ‘cause of her,” Katsuki scrunched up his face at the idea. “You know why.”
“No? What do you mean?” Izuku frowned. He pulled his legs closer to him and crossed them as Katsuki laid back against the grass. Katsuki spoke cryptically, “You can’t stay here. ”
The wind blew against them, Izuku closed his eyes as they started to water. “You shouldn't do that.”
“What?” Izuku asks as he rubs his eyes.
“You shouldn't close your eyes.” Katsuki spoke.
Izuku frowned as he finally opened his eyes. Katsuki was staring at him from his spot on the floor, “This isn't real, you should probably wake up already.”
“What?” Izuku asked, his voice raising in confusion.
“Wake up, Izuku.”
-------
Izuku opened his eyes. Staring at the tiled white ceiling, slowly blinking his eyes as they started to focus. There was a beeping next to his head and an oxygen mask on his face. The sun was beaming through a window to his left, the light making his head ache with a dull throb. He raised his hand to block the light, his whole body was sore.
“Oh! Izuku, oh my god. You're awake! He's awake!”
The light is suddenly gone as the curtains are yanked closed. Izuku lets his hand drop heavily next to him, his limbs felt like they were filled with rocks weighing him down. “Izuku, can you hear me?” His mom leaned close to his face.
Izuku looked at her for a moment, his head felt foggy as his eyes scan over her face. His mom looked like she spent the night crying, her hair was a mess and Izuku is pretty sure she's still in her pajamas.
It's taking all his energy to keep his eyes open right now, he slowly blinks them close but jerks them open when he feels someone smack his other arm. Izuku glances over to the person that hit it and isn't surprised when he sees Katsuki glaring at him.
“Don’t fucking close your eyes again.” Katsuki says.
Izuku sighs as looks around the room. There’s flowers filling a table at the base of his bed, he finally takes notice of the constant beeping right by his head. Izuku glanced down at his arm and frowned at the I.V. sticking out. He trails his eyes back up his arm to finally where his mom is standing next to him, clearing his throat again, “W—what happened?”
His words come out as a croaked whisper but he could tell his mom heard him when she glanced over to look at Katsuki. Izuku watches her facial expression change before he turns his head to look over at Katsuki to see him making similar faces right back at her.
The door bursts open as Mitsuki races in, “I got the doctor!”
Izuku looks over at the sudden entrance as Mitsuki walks in and guides Inko to the side, giving the doctor room to work. “Izuku, glad to see you awake. How are you feeling?”
Izuku grabs the edge of the bed to try and pull himself up into a sitting position but he’s stopped by a hand to his chest. Katsuki shakes his head at him when Izuku looks over. Disregarding that plan, Izuku pulls the mask off his face, wincing when it rubs against his skin. Izuku raised a hand to gently touch the spot along his cheek and temple, it felt sore like a bruise.
Izuku dropped his hand to his lap as he cleared his throat, “I’m f-fine? I guess, but I'm just…I'm not really sure why I'm here?” Izuku ends with a question as he looks around the room for someone to explain.
Dr. Octor nodded his head at Izuku as he wrote something down in the chart and then closed it. “Understandable. Patients are usually confused or unaware of events after they experience a seizure. This type of amnesia is common.” The doctor explained while looking over at Izuku’s mom.
He rapidly blinked his eyes as he held a hand out to stop any further conversation while he gathered his thoughts. A seizure? He had a fucking seizure? How come he couldn’t remember it? He remembers getting on a roller coaster and feeling weird afterwards, but after that his mind blanks. “What?” He whispered quietly.
Everyone in the room had grim faces. Izuku looked over to Katsuki and shook his head in denial, “No, please tell me I didn’t. Tell me I didn’t have a seizure in front of everyone.” Izuku begged Katsuki. “Kacchan, please …”
“From the accounts I’ve heard, I believe you overworked your body…” The doctor's words faded out as Izuku shot up into a sitting position, Katsuki didn’t get the chance to push him back down this time.
Izuku curled up—bringing his knees up to his chest as he tried to steady his breathing. A seizure. He had a seizure. His lips trembled as he thought about what this meant. He couldn’t be a hero who had seizures. He’s sick. Izuku was sick. A hero can’t be sick like he is.
What the hell was Izuku going to do? Izuku brought his hands up to his head, gripping his hair. Katsuki grabbed the arm that was next to him and untangled Izuku’s fingers from his hair. “Nerd, you have to calm down.”
“Calm down?” Izuku whispered. How could he possibly calm down in this situation? His life was over. He can’t overcome this. “What does it mean?” Izuku mumbled out. He looked over to Katsuki, searching for an answer he knew wasn’t coming. “What do I do? What does this mean?”
Katsuki's face looked stricken. His mouth opened like he wanted to say something but nothing was coming out. There wasn’t anything he could say. Izuku knows that. He knows that Katsuki didn’t have the answers. No one in the room did. Things were progressing a lot faster than they had hoped.
Izuku honestly thought he had more time. More time before he became more sick. He thought he had months before he got physically worse. The chemo was weakening him but that was just the chemicals. If he wasn’t on it, he wouldn’t be as sick. He would appear better.
But now the cancer was affecting him. Genuinely making him weaker, making him sicker. Chemo wouldn’t have caused the seizure. Nausea, sure. Weakness, probably. Painful migraine? Seizures? That wasn’t chemicals, that was disease.
That was cancer.
“Kacchan…” Izuku's lips trembled. Katsuki said nothing as he moved his hand to grab Izuku’s—holding on tight. Izuku closed his eyes at the feeling. No words could make this better. He knew that.
That doesn’t stop Izuku from feeling like he was betrayed. He wanted to hear something as unreasonable as that was. He wanted Katsuki, out of all people, to say something like: It’s fine. Or, Your gonna be okay. We’ll figure it out .
The silence was a deafening answer. It said that there wasn’t anything to do. That this wasn’t going to get better. It was Katsuki telling him I’m sorry in the worst way possible.
Izuku screwed his eyes closed and yanked his hand away from Katsuki. He didn’t want sad eyes and silent apologies. He definitely didn’t want that from Katsuki.
Izuku clenched his hands as his mom let out a soft muffled cry. When he opened his eyes, a tear slipped down his cheek as he looked over to the doctor. His voice was monotone as he asked, “What does the seizure mean?”
“It means the cancer is progressing even with the treatments. We might have to change some things up— be more aggressive.”
Izuku sighed as more tears fell over his cheeks. He pressed his trembling lips together as he quickly swiped a hand across his face. He was so tired of this. Of feeling sick—Of being nauseated. Tired of losing his hair and not getting any better.
Aggressive didn’t sound like something that would make him better. It sounded like something he wanted no part in. Izuku blew out a huff of air, his chest tight.
When he opened his eyes he looked directly at his mom. She was openly crying at the end of his bed with Mitsuki beside her. Izuku hated making her cry. He hated being the reason for all the sad eyes in the room.
He looked away from her and back at his hand. He stared at his open palms, tracing the scars with his eyes as he spoke softly, “No. No more.”
“Izuku!” His mom exclaimed at the same time the doctor sighed.
Izuku clenched his eyes closed with his head down as he spoke, “I can’t do this anymore! I’m not getting better—In fact! I’m actually getting worse. This isn’t helping and I'm tired of this.” He felt the sting of tears behind his closed eyes. His voice cracked, “I’m so tired.”
Dr. Octer placed a hand over Izuku’s arm, “Don’t rush your decision. The new treatments will be extremely hard on your body but they will be more aggressive on the cancer. It’ll help. You just woke up, give yourself time to think about this more and we’ll—“
“No!” Izuku ripped his arm away. “Shut up! I’m sick and tired of this damn hospital. I can’t do this anymore!” Izuku shifted in bed feeling desperate as he pulled on the I.V. in his arm, “Get it out. Get it out! Get it off me! I’m going home.”
Everyone in the room moved into action. The doctor started calling for some nurses as Katsuki leaned bodily over Izuku to push him down and keep his hands away from the needle in his arm. Mitsuki rounds the bed to help Katsuki as Inko called out for Izuku to stop. Izuku screamed as Katsuki successfully pulled his hand away, “No, no, no. Get it out! Get off me! Please, please just let me go.”
Izuku cried as more people entered the room. He flinched away at the hands holding him down, jerking away violently as he tried to escape. He was feeling suffocated enough to try and do something.
“Sedated him!”
Izuku felt the electricity of his quirk starting up just as someone jabbed a needle into his arm. Whatever it was worked fast as the quirk faded out. Izuku was left crying with Katsuki holding him down.
Mitsuki was right by his ear, whispering to him. Izuku wasn’t hearing any of it as he tried to jerk his weakening limbs. He whimpered as almost everyone let go of him but Katsuki. “I just wanna go home.”
“I know, baby.” Mitsuki whispered into his hair as she ran her fingers through. His breathing calmed down as his energy was drained away. “I know you do. We’ll get you home soon. Don’t worry, just sleep.”
Izuku felt the heaviness of when he first woke up and returned to him as his eyes dropped down. His hand that was fisted into the Katsuki shirt loosened and fell limply to the side. He let out a quiet whimper and closed his eyes as the medication finally took over.
“Are you sure, Izuku? You can come home with me.” Inko asked as she folded his clothes and stuffed them in his duffle bag.
It's been two long days since Izuku first got admitted to the hospital. Two days of running tests, of changing meditations, and slowly losing his mind. Izuku sat on the edge of his hospital, holding a wrinkled shirt in his hands as his mom fretted around the room for anything they might have missed.
“I'm sure, mom. The dorm is the place I want to be for the time being. Break is coming up soon anyways, I should just tough it out until then.” Izuku spoke as he balled up the shirt in his hands and stuffed it in the bag.
Inko clicked her tongue, giving him a displeased look as she pulled the balled up shirt out of his bag and refolded it before placing it back in the bag. Izuku shrugged at the action, crossing his legs up on the bed. Inko sighed, pushing the bag to the side and sitting next to Izuku on the bed. She grabbed his hands, holding them on her lap as she spoke, “Izuku…I don't want you to tough it out. I want you to stay where you feel most comfortable.”
Izuku sighed. All he ever did now was worry his mom. He hated this new reality. “Mom, I'm sorry. That was the wrong choice of words. I'm okay. I'll stay at school so I don't have too many absences. I'll take it easy in class and then when break comes around, I'll stay home with you. I can't let this take over my life any more than it already has.”
Inko nodded her head, patting the back of his hands before standing up, “You’ll go to your chemo appointments?”
Izuku looked away from her, rolling his eyes. Ever since he said he didn't want to do chemotherapy anymore, Inko’s been on top of him. She’s not the only one either, Katsuki was almost worse with his insistence. “Yes, mom. I'll continue the treatments.”
“Good.” Inko zipped up the bag just as the door to the room slid open. Izuku looked up to see Katsuki and Shouto standing by the door. “Ready nerd?”
Izuku stood up from the bed, “I've been ready to get out of here for hours.” Izuku grabbed his bag and walked to the door, only to be stopped in place when Shouto moved to the side, showing a wheelchair blocking the doorway.
Izuku pointed at the chair, shaking his head. “I'm not getting on that.”
“You have to, It's the only way the nurses will let us walk you out.” Shouto said as he reached over to grab the bag from Izuku. Izuku clutched his duffle bag to his chest, “No way.”
“Izuku, please. I thought you wanted to get out of here.” Inko questioned him from behind. Izuku grimaces at the chair.
Izuku covered his face as Katsuki wheeled the chair out the doors of the hospital. Shouto and Inko walked alongside them as they made it to the corner of the sidewalk where a car was waiting. Izuku quickly got up from the chair, looking around suspiciously, “I'm surprised the rest of the class wasn't here.”
Shouto opened the truck of the car, throwing Izuku’s duffle bag in and letting Inko drop in some plushies from the room before he slammed the truck shut. “Everyone wanted to come, we pulled straws to see who could go.”
That made more sense. Izuku turned to his mom, she was getting a ride back to their apartment, Izuku was almost upset that he was letting her go back to home alone. He hesitated as he walked over to her, “Are you sure you're gonna be okay? I don't want you to end up alone looking at baby pictures of me.”
Inko smiled at Izuku with watery eyes, “Don't worry, Mitsuki said she’ll come over often. That doesn't mean you can call me though!” She raised her hand to cup his cheek, “God, I cant believe Im letting you go back to the dorms. You should stay with me.”
“Mom, we talked about this.” Izuku whined. He grabbed her hand from his face and clutched it between his own, “I'll be fine. I’ll be in the best place I could be at.” Izuku leaned in to whisper, “I heard there's heroes everywhere you turn.”
Inko laughed, bringing her other hand to rest on top of izuku’s, “Promise me, you’ll be okay. Promise me nothing bad will happen again If I send you back.”
Izuku wished he could. He wished he could make any promise she wanted to hear and know that he could keep them. But he couldn't. He couldn't look his mom in the eyes and promise a lie to her. Izuku bit his lip, “I can't promise that mom.”
Inko closed her eyes, a tear falling down her cheek. Izuku looked back at Katsuki, unsure of what to do for a moment. Katsuki stepped up, placing a hand on Inko’s shoulder, “I'll keep an eye on him.”
“We all will. The whole class cares for Izuku, we won't let anything happen to him if we can help it.” Shouto promised from behind.
Izuku looked back at his mom, “I'll be okay. It's only for a few weeks and I'll be back home before you know it.”
“Okay…” Inko whispered before she pulled Izuku into a tight hug. “Okay, okay.” She pulled back, wiping her face with her hands. “You should go. Before I change my mind and drag you back home kicking and screaming.”
Izuku smiled softly, bringing her back in for another quick hug and smacking a wet kiss to the side of her face. “Thank you, mom. I love you.”
“I love you too. So, so much.” She pulled away, giving him a small push back. “Go already. I'll speak to you soon.”
Izuku walked away, getting into the back seat of the car. Katsuki slid in next to him while Shouto rounded the car and got into the other side. Izuku leaned his head back against the seat rest, he hated to leave his mom alone. He’s beginning to doubt whether he knew what was best anymore. It wasn't like it made a difference whether he went home with his mom or back to the dorms, Izuku was still going to get worse. He was still going to slowly disintegrate, no matter whose eyes were witnessing the change.
Izuku just doesn't want those eyes to belong to his mother. She deserves to remember her son when he was healthy and happy, striving to become the best hero in the world. She didn't deserve to see who he has become under the cold hands of disease and illness.
This was for the best. He just had to keep telling himself that. No matter what happens, this was for the best for his mom. He was saving her from watching her son die before her eyes.
Izuku closed his eyes as the car started, this was for the best.
It’s been a week since the whole class found out. Izuku was planning to tell everyone, he doesn’t hate the fact that they know. It’s just the way they found out that’s the problem. He hates the differences it made.
The first day back to class was such a stark difference. Izuku walked to his seat the same time he always did, it took barely a second before he was surrounded at his desk.
“How are you feeling?” Shouto asked. He set his bag onto Izuku’s desk and started digging through it. Izuku watched him curiously as he pulled out his notebook he needed for the first lesson. “I'm fine? Is there a reason your bag is on my desk?”
Shouto pulled out a plastic bottle, setting it onto Izuku’s desk before pulling out five more. “I was researching a lot this weekend while you were in the hospital. Apparently, drinking these will help boost your immune system when it's weak.”
“Oh!” Izuku looked at the bottles crowding his desk. He slowly grabbed one before he looked up at Shouto, “Thank you. I'll— um…I'll enjoy them.” Izuku smiled at Souto.
Shouto stared at Izuku before motioning for him to drink. Izuku startled at the movement, but quickly cracked one of the bottles open and took a large gulp. The drink tasted like a shot of ginger, it burned going down Izuku’s throat. He gagged, mentally regretting taking such a large mouthful before he finally swallowed. Izuku coughed, his face burning red.
“Are you okay?” Shouto questioned.
Izuku nodded his head, covering his mouth so he didn't throw up. “Hmm! Umhm! Good. It's so good.” Izuku coughed, his throat felt like it was on fire. “Thank you so much. I feel better already.”
Shouto zipped up his bag with a nod, “Good. Let me know when you need more. I have my dad’s card so I can get you as many as you need.”
Izuku’s eyes widened, he quickly waved his hands around, “No!” Izuku coughed again. “I mean, no. I couldn't ask you to do that.”
“You're not asking, I'm offering.”
Izuku licked his lips, “Right. Um, well, thank you, Shouto. I—I'll let you know then.”
Shouto walked away only to be replaced with Ochako standing behind him, she walked up to his desk and emptied a handful of candies onto the surface. “Here! I always like to suck on these when I get nausea.”
Izuku looked at her in surprise, “Oh, thanks. Are these sour apple?”
“Yeah! It's my favorite flavor besides strawberry. I couldn't find any, but these will work just as well.”
“Thank Ocha.” Izuku turned his head to smile at her, catching a glimpse of a slowly growing line behind her. Izuku’s face dropped as he noticed everyone lining up with items in their hands. Izuku grabbed Ochako’s arm and pulled her down to whisper in her ear, “What's going on?”
“Everyone wanted to give you something. We talked last night after you went to bed.” she whispered back.
Izuku shaked his head in a panic, his whisper turning harsh. “No, no, no. I don't want anything!”
“Hurry up! I want to give this to him before the bell rings!” a voice called out from behind Ochako. She turned to Izuku with a wince, “Sorry, It's too late to stop it now. Good luck!” She clapped Izuku’s shoulder and walked away.
“Wait! Ochako!” Izuku called out. Sero walked over to his desk, placing a glass container onto the table. “This is a soup my mom makes me when I'm sick. I called her last night and she came to drop this off this morning.”
Izuku looked at the container of soup. He sighed, letting a smile take over his face, “That was really kind of her, Sero. Tell her I said thank you.”
By the time the bell rang, Izuku’s desk was covered in different foods, candies, and drinks. Aizawa walked into the room, giving the room a glance before he stopped at Izuku’s desk. His mouth opened like he wanted to say something, he stopped himself with a sigh, “No eating food just class time.”
Izuku winced at the pile of food on his desk and nodded, “Got it, Mr. Aizawa.”
— — —
That wasn't even the only time something like that happened. The next day during Hero class, Izuku was sitting on the sideline in his hero outfit. Aizawa was strict when it came to what classes Izuku could participate in after the seizure. Izuku sat with his notebook out as the class was asked to pick teams before the lesson started. Once everyone was settled, All Might started to speak, “Okay! For today’s class it's all about stealth. Heroes have to know when to come in with a bang, and when to approach a situation quietly.”
All Might walked around the class holding pieces of paper, asking everyone to pick one as he explained, “Where going to be doing something a little like hide and seek. These papers that you all picked should say if you're a hider or a seeker.” He walked back to the front of the group. “We will do this in two rounds. The two teams that you have split yourself into will be called team A and team B respectively. The hider’s job is to hide as best as you can in the building behind me, hide like you're a villain avoiding capture. Seekers will be sent in after ten minutes and their job is to find the hiders and secure them in this capture tape.” All might gestured to a bin next to him filled with tiny rolls of white tape.
“Now, Team A hiders will be let into the area. Team B seekers will then be sent after them. After they finish, the next set will be let in. Whichever team, whether it be A or B, has the most captures as a seeker or the longest time hidden as a hider, will be the winner of this exercise.”
“Any questions?” All Might asked. Yaoyorozu raised her hand, “Well, just one question actually. With Midoriya sitting this out, Team A is short one person.” Izuku looked up from his notebook in shock.
“That's not fair!” Kaminari complained. “That's one less hider or seeker on our side then team B has.”
All Might raised his hands in the air as more complaints were let out. “Alright! Settle down.” All Might glance over at Izuku, hesitating before asking him, “How do you feel today?”
Izuku perked up, “I feel great! I didn't wake up with a headache at all today.” Izuku closed his notebook as All Might debated for a moment before he decided, “All right. This is an easy enough exercise that doesn't require too much strainest work. You can join Team A if you're feeling up for it.”
Izuku could not explain the excited giddy feeling that came over him as he bounced over to where All Might was and grabbed a piece of paper. He opened the paper to the word seeker written inside. Izuku skipped over to the A team, “Hi guys!”
“Are you sure you're up for this?” Ojiro asked. Izuku nodded his head, “I'm well past ready! We’re going to win this.”
“Wait, Izuku. I know you're itching to do something since you sat out of Hero class yesterday and spent your weekend in a hospital bed, but are you sure? Really truly sure about this? We can still do this even if you decide to sit this one out.” Ochako asked, worried and concerned with her eyebrows scrunched up.
“I'm sure! I'm not pushing myself.” Izuku placed a hand on her shoulder and gave her a smile.
“Are you sure? We just don't want you to get hurt.” Yaoyorozu walked over to them. Izuku felt his face twitch in annoyance. He said he was sure already, what more did they want? “I'm sure, guys. I'm good to go.”
“If you're sure…” Tsuyu added in.
“I am.” Izuku snapped. He took a deep breath. “Let's start this.”
All Might called out to start, sending all the people in team B that had to hide into the maze of buildings. Once ten minutes were up, Izuku ran in with the rest of the seekers in team A. Taking it easy didn't mean Izuku couldn't use his quirk, he just had to watch his percentage. Make sure he didn't overwhelm himself or anything.
Izuku swung between the buildings, taking a higher ground to search the rooftops and upper floors just to see if anyone was hiding in plain sight. All Might had given the seekers little comms to stick in their ears to help make communication easier, the earphone rang static in Izuku’s ear as Yaoyorozu talked, “ I made a heat tracking device, I'll be able to see anyone's heat signal in the buildings.”
“Good thinking, Creati.” Tenya spoke. “ Everyone should exit any building they might have entered in order not to create confusion between our team and the others .”
“Copy.” Izuku swung up to the nearest rooftop. “Im stopped on a rooftop about five miles away from the start.”
“ Izuku! You shouldn't be too high up! What if you fall off? ” Tenya scolded over the comms.
Izuku rolled his eyes as he settled onto the ledge of the roof. “If I fell, I would just use float. Also what happened to Hero names?”
“ Apologies, Deku. You still shouldn't be on any rooftops! ”
The comms crackled as Ojiro spoke, “ Leave it alone, Ingenium. We don't have time to argue. Creati, have you spotted anything? ”
“ Yes. Deku, on your left about fifteen meters down, there’s someone there. Froppy, are you there? ” Creati spoke. Izuku moved to jump over to the next building on his left, walking over to the rooftop door and descending into the building.
“I'm here.”
“There’s someone in the building to your right, I believe. Check it out.”
Izuku blocked out the voices of his teammates as he creeped down the stairs, he went down five floors before he stopped. Keeping his footsteps light, he walked down the hallway, lights flickering above his head.
“Creati,” Izuku whispered. “Can I get an update on that body?”
“I can't tell, what floor are you on? ” She responded.
Izuku glanced back at the stairwell he just exited, “Eighth floor.”
“Okay, I see you. Head to the far end of the floor you're on. Someone is right above you by the windows facing east.”
“Got it.” Izuku quickly made his way to the windows aligning the west side of the building. Keeping his footsteps light, he climbed to the ledge of the window, easing one open and slipping out. He held onto the edge of the building as he shot a string of Blackwhip above him, latching two floors above. Izuku climbed along the side of the building, once he made it to the right window, he peeked his head over to look and see who it was.
Sero was standing with his back facing the window, looking right and left from his spot. Izuku walked up the building until he was just above the window, taking out his capture tape. Izuku counted to three before he kicked off the building, arching in the air with a swing as he slammed into the window.
The window shattered at the impact of his iron soles. Sero shouted in surprise as he jumped but he was too late. By the time he moved to turn around, Izuku was already tackling him to the floor and wrapping him up in the capture tape.
“Got him.” Izuku spoke into the comms.
“ Great work, Deku. Bring him back to base. Froppy and Ingenium have their captures too. Two more to go and we’re home free. ” Creati spoke.
“Copy that.” Izuku smiled at Sero before helping him up. “Sorry about the tackle.”
“The tackle?! What about you sneaking up on me like some spy and slamming through the window?” Sero exclaimed.
Izuku turned back to the window in question, he might have gone a bit overboard but he got his target in the end. The details didn't matter.
Turns out, to Izuku’s surprise. The details did matter. They mattered quite a bit actually. “You're bleeding? What the fuck did you do?” Katsuki questioned Izuku the second he entered the starting point with Sero trailing behind, still picking the capture tape Izuku wrapped around him quickly out of his hair.
“Just a little mishap, Kacchan. It's not a big deal. I didn't even notice it.” Izuku looked down at his arm, a long laceration laid along his forearm, slowly oozing out blood. Katsuki grabbed his arm and shot Izuku with a sharp glare. “You're out. Take off your comms.”
Izuku ripped his arm away, “It's not even that bad. We only have two people left.”
Static filled Izuku’s ears as Creati spoke, “ One more actually. What's going on Deku?”
“Nothing, Just Kacchan being Kacchan. I'll be right out.” Izuku spoke. Katsuki grabbed onto Izuku, “The hell you will.” Izuku flinched back when Katsuki actually pulled the comm right out from Izuku’s ear and stuck it in his own. “Izuku’s out. He fucked up his arm. Catch the losers without him.”
Katsuki ripped out the comms from his ear, Izuku heard the reply, “What?!” From Creati before Katsuki tosses the small device away.
“Kacchan! Are you kidding me? You can't be serious right now?” Izuku spoke as Katsuki dragged him away towards the first aid kit by the wall.
“I’m beyond fucking serious. Sit your ass down and shut the fuck up.” Katsuki shoved Izuku to the floor as he crouched in front of the first aid box.
“We were almost done!” Izuku complained as Katsuki dug through the box. He pulled out some alcohol wipes and stared at Izuku with another pointer glare. “I said, shut. the fuck. up.”
Izuku huffed and looked away as Katsuki grabbed his arm, rolling up the sleeve of Izuku’s costume. Izuku hissed when the alcohol was placed onto the cut, burning him with a searing pain. “Ah, careful!”
“Shut up. I know what I'm doing.” Katsuki muttered as he gently wiped along the edge of the cut. Izuku watched silently, wincing again when Katsuki wiped along the cut. Katsuki did the best he could with cleaning up the blood, blowing softly on the area after he was done. Izuku let his eyes move from the wound on his arm to Katsuki’s face as he blew cool air over the cut.
Moments like this have Izuku forgetting who he was dealing with. When Katsuki's face was all soft and smooth, not a single wrinkle from anger in sight. It feels the same as when they were kids, when Izuku would fall and scrape his knee. Katsuki would laugh and call him a baby when Izuku cried, but then he would blow softly on the cut and place one of his prized All Might bandaid over the scrape.
Izuku didn't have the faintest idea of who he was dealing with. How could someone be so different from the person they were in the past, yet so similar. Sometimes in moments like these, when he could see the hints of his childhood best friend again, Izuku was left wondering if it really was his fault that they broke away. Maybe, he was the one that pushed Katsuki away with all his overbearing love and affection he had when they were younger.
“Take a picture, It'll last longer.” Katsuki muttered as he held the bandage over the wound and started to tape it in place.
“I already took a picture, remember?” Izuku replied back. Katsuki looked up at him, their eyes meeting.
This close up, Izuku could make out all the different shades of red glittering in his eyes. It reminded him of a dream he had, a steep drop but you could see the whole forest from the top. Trees, a million different colors, vibrant reds and oranges glowing in the setting sunlight, flickering around wildly from the wind. Izuku held eye contact, refusing to look away before Katsuki did.
Katsuki blinked, looking away first. “All done.” He placed the last piece of tape over the bandage before he stood up, offering Izuku a hand.
Izuku took the hand, letting Katsuki pull him up. Izuku watched Katsuki walk away, not bothering to stop him as he went back to his group. Izuku’s round was over, All Might was already briefing the second team. Izuku walked over to his group, sitting in the back as he watched the second round start up.
“Is your arm okay?” Yaoyorozu asked the second she spotted Izuku.
“Yup! Kacchan fixed it up for me. Good as new.” Izuku displayed his arm for the group to see.
“I knew we shouldn't have let you join! It's too dangerous.” Tenya complained as he fretted over Izuku’s arm. Izuku let the comment go as he removed Tenya’s hands away from him. “Im fine. It was nothing.”
“Still!”
“Drop it.” Izuku snapped. He was starting to lose his patience with all these comments. “I'm fine. My arm is fine. Everything is fine!” Izuku walked away from them, going back to where he left his notebook earlier. He still wanted to write down everything that happened during his round, excluding everything that just happened.
— — —
Similar things just kept happening throughout the week. Different people making different comments on whether or not Izuku could do something, or if he was feeling okay. Was he feeling nauseated? headaches? Izuku, are you sure you're okay?
Currently, Izuku was sitting on the couch in the common room, to say the atmosphere is tense is an understatement. It’s a Friday movie night in the dorms. Izuku is snuggling into the cushions of the couch with a blanket someone threw over him after he mentioned that it was kinda cool in the dorms. Izuku reached for a water bottle he grabbed earlier, his hand resting on the top when Ochako spoke, “Izuku do you need help with that?”
Izuku frowned at her, “With what?”
Shouto pointed at the water bottle, “The top.”
“The cap of the bottle?” Izuku asked.
They both nodded. Izuku gave them a look before he shook his head, “No…I’m okay.”
The bottle was snatched from his hands by Kirishima, he quickly opened it before placing it back in Izuku’s hands, “Don’t worry. I got you.”
Izuku stared at the open bottle in his hands, he just needed to take a deep breath. Breathe Izuku, breathe. Ever since his seizure, Izuku has been treated like walking glass. Like the slightest breeze blows him a little too hard and he’ll come crumbling down. Izuku has been having a hard time adjusting to the changes.
He gave Kirishima a tight smile as he raised the water bottle to his lips. Izuku tries his best to focus back on the movie, it was another old world Disney movie. Izuku watched the screen, bright lights flickering about as the characters sang. The flashing lights cause Izuku to wince, it doesn't happen often, but recently bright lights flashing at him causes his head to ache. He gets this tingling feeling down his legs, like if he sat on them wrong causing them to fall asleep.
“Wait! Turn it off! He can't watch this!” Ashido shouted from the side of the room. She was curled up on one of the other couches, before she suddenly sat up with a start. She waved her hand around, “Where’s the remote? Where is it?!”
Izuku looked around confused, searching for the remote with everyone else in the panic Ashido created. Kamianari dug his hands between the cushions, pulling them off the couch and taking Jirou with them as she hit the floor. Kirishima pulled the blanket off Izuku’s lap, flapping it out in the air, hoping for the remote to fly out. The commotion was stopped when Tenya stood up suddenly, remote in hand and shut the screen off. “I got it!”
Izuku got up from his spot, walking over to the wall where the lightswitch was, flicking it on. The whole common room lights up at once. Ashido screamed, slapping her hand to her chest. “Holy shit, that scared the crap outta me!”
“What the hell just happened?” Jirou complained, standing up from the floor and whacking Kaminari with a pillow. “Why the fuck did you throw the couch around like that?!”
“Don't blame me! Blame Mina! She’s the one who started screaming suddenly about the remote!” Kaminari whined as he raised his arms to cover his face from the oncoming blows.
“Because!” Ashido flailed her arms as she spoke, “The screen was flashing! Mido can't watch that shit, what if…” She trailed off.
Everyone turned to look at Izuku. Their expressions mixed with guilt and worry as they silently finished the sentence in their heads. Izuku laughed, no one wanted to say it out loud. “What if what? What if I have another seizure? You can just say it. It's not a bad word.”
“Of course it’s not, Izuku.” Ochako spoke. She walked over to him, placing a hand on his shoulder, “We just don't want to be Insensitive to you.”
“Insensitive?” Izuku whispered. He couldn't help the almost crazed smile from taking over his face, “How is saying the truth more insensitive then everyone treating me like I’m a fucking walking sheet of glass?!”
Ochako gasps, taking a step back. Izuku looked around the room, at all the stun faces. He ran a hand through his hair, “I mean, look at you guys! You tore the common room apart looking for the damn remote. I would've just walked away if I didn't think I could watch the movie, or hell, I would've just seized on the damn couch if it was really that bad!”
“Izuku…” Ochako hesitated, looking back at the group unsure of what to do. Izuku held a hand out to stop her, “No! I get it. I had a seizure and it was shocking. I have cancer and that's shocking. But, I hate this! All of this gentle handling everyone is doing. I can't even participate in class anymore.” Izuku yelled out. He took a breath, lowering his voice, “I, at the very least, want my friends to treat me the same. I'm still me! I'm still the same Izuku Midoriya I was before everyone found out.”
Izuku needed some air. With that said, he walked past the couches and towards the front door. He heard some voices calling out to him, but Izuku ignored them in favor of sliding his feet half into his shoes and bursting out of the dorms, letting the door slam close loudly behind him.
Izuku just needed something to help kill off the feeling of disappointment and helplessness swirling in his chest.
Ever since Izuku was young, it was always: you can't do this Izuku. What if you get hurt? Or, be careful Izuku, you're quirkless! Izuku, don't go there. Izuku, watch where you're going, someone could do something. Izuku!
Deku.
That’s all he was. He was just this Deku, always in the way, always doing something he shouldn't be doing. Striving to be someone he can't be. Always hoping for more, yet never achieving anything. Just some loud, busybody kid in everyone's way.
“Useless, good for nothing, Deku.”
Izuku’s rushed steps stuttered to a stop as the thought passed through his head. He hated when his mind worked against him like this, making him remember stuff from a past he’s done everything to forget. Izuku didn't want to remember what his childhood was like. He didn't like to think about the way people pitied him, the poor quirkless kid that wanted to be a hero.
Having the people who he’s grown with as heroes, people who were his equal in every way that actually mattered. Look at him with those same pity eyes. The same eyes that asked, what was he even doing here? Why isn't he at home where he can't get hurt? Or worse, get in the way?
That wasn't who he was, Izuku made sure of it. He didn't need pity. He wasn't that useless person that kept chasing a goal he couldn't attain. Izuku had everything in the palms of his hands now, he wasn't that person anymore.
Izuku gripped his hair in his hands and screamed, “Stop!” Izuku crouched down in the middle of the cobblestone walkway he was on and muttered, “ I don't want to think about this anymore.” Izuku didn't want to put any more thought into the betrayal that was clinging to his skin. If this continued, Izuku feared he wouldn’t be able to piece back together his shattered heart.
“Midoriya?”
Izuku whipped his head around in a panic. He lost his balance in his haste, placing his hand on the floor to steady himself. “Mr. Aizawa? What…?” Izuku remembered where he was and quickly stood up, dusting his hands off. “W-what are you doing here?”
Aizawa walked over to him with a raised brow, “Patrolling the campus grounds. Just because students sleep at night doesn't mean the teachers do. What were you doing here?”
Izuku laughed nervously as he waved his hands around, “Oh, you know. Just taking a walk, gazing at the stars.”
“That's weird. I didn't know you could see the stars on the ground?” Aizawa hummed, “I'll have to remember that position for the next time I want to go stargazing.”
Aizawa shot Izuku a blank look that said: quit bullshiting me, and Izuku gave in with a sigh. “I just needed to get away from the dorms.”
Aizawa started to walk along the trail, tilting his head for Izuku to follow him. “Your friends are being too much?”
Izuku sighed heavily, “Way too much.” Izuku’s chest tightened and his lips wobbled, “I feel like I'm being suffocated .”
“They’re scared.” Aizawa replied.
“I know.” Izuku covered his face with his hands. “I know all that. I know they're scared and I'm being ridiculous. I just hate this so much, this whole situation sucks.”
Aizawa stopped walking, placing a hand on Izuku’s shoulder to hold him in place. Izuku startled at the pause, removing his hands from his face as his teacher spoke, “There's no point in placing blame here. A bad situation is a bad situation. You're allowed to feel trapped but they are also allowed to worry about you. If you want them to stop crowding you, just talk to them.”
Izuku sighed, “I know.”
“They’re your support system. Don't block them out, let them in and they’ll do the same for you.” Aizawa let go of Izuku’s shoulder and continued walking. “You know, with how much you talk during class, you suck at talking things out— especially with your classmates.”
Izuku side eyed his teacher and pursed his lips, “Right… I'll try and fix that.”
“You do that.”
Notes:
Sorry If this chapter feels a bit short.
This is where I really beg for forgiveness. Guys, I’ve been struggling with the chapter for the longesttt time. I had no idea where I wanted it to go or how much I wanted to progress the story. I decided to leave it at this for now. I’m honestly trying my best with this, I sincerely apologize for taking long time between chapters. I’m literally writing as I go. Nothing is prepared in advance currently.
I hope everyone enjoys where i’m taking this story. The bkdk is slowly, slowlyyyy easing in. Izuku is still unaware of anything happening though, as usual.
Thank you for your patience and staying with me. I hope this chapter feeds you for the meantime as I write the next.
Thank you all for reading and all the wonderful comments! I read them all and reply to as many as I can. I appreciate every kind word everyone leaves me with. I’ll see you guys on the next chapter! <33333
Chapter 11: the lonely flower
Summary:
la gaudière n.
Pronounced /lah gou-dee-yair/
“A glint of goodness you notice in someone that you wouldn’t expect, which is often only detectable by sloshing them back and forth in your mind until everything dark and gray and common falls away, leaving something shining at the bottom of the pan—a rare element hidden deep in the bedrock, that must’ve been washed there by a storm somewhere upstream.”
Notes:
HAPPY BIRTHDAY IZUKU MIDORIYA!!!!!
A nice cute fluffish chapter for you that's actually mostly fluff this time...I promise. 7k words, enjoy! <3
(Did I post this chapter 12am on the dot? Yes, yes I did. lol)
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Izuku snuck back into the dorms when he was sure everyone was asleep. He didn't want to see or speak to anyone after he stormed out the way he did. Luckily by the time he finished his walk, the dorms were silent of any noise from its other residents.
Izuku took the elevator up, as he walked towards his door, he frowned at the multiple post-its notes crowding it. Izuku plucked the first one he saw:
“ I'm sorry for being pushy, midobro. I'll remember to hold back next time but ur my bro and I love you.” — from ur best bro Ei
Izuku sighed, picking up all the notes from his door before he walked into his room. He sat at his desk and laid them all out. He had gotten a note from everyone who was in the common room when he lashed out. Guilt clawed at Izuku’s chest, he should've just talked to them earlier in the week. It's Izuku’s fault for letting it go for so long that he was ready to explode.
The next note was from Ochako, “ Can we talk? I'll wait for you when you're ready. I'm really sorry Izuku. I love you. ”
Izuku groaned into his hands. He was finding it a little too easy to forgive them, Izuku knows he has every right to stay mad at them, but he honestly didn't want to waste any of the time he had. He wanted to enjoy his time with his friends and make memories that he would never forget.
Izuku doesn't want to be angry anymore. He doesn't want to be scared and helpless anymore. Izuku wanted to spend his time doing more positive things. He wants to complete his bucket list, go skydiving or eat s’mores.
Izuku grabs his notebook: Hero analysis 105, He flipped through the book until he found a clean, blank page. Then he lined up all the little notes until they filled both sides of the open pages. He was almost through with this book after writing in it everyday for the past three months.
Tomorrow was a new day. Izuku could be better tomorrow.
When his alarm started blaring in the morning, a knock on his door echoed at the same time.
“Open up, asshole! We’re goin’ on a adventure.”
Izuku startled at the sudden pounding on his door. The covers twisted in between his legs as he scrambled up. He walked over to the door and opened it, Katsuki looked him up and down before he stormed past him into Izuku’s room.
“Oh, sure, Kacchan. You can come in.” Izuku sighed as he closed the door. Katsuki stood in the middle of Izuku’s room dressed head to toe in hiking gear, camouflage green cargo pants paired with the tightest fitted black shirt he probably owned. He dropped a full looking bookbag from his back onto Izuku’s bed and stared at Izuku.
Izuku blinked, frowning at Katsuki, “Going somewhere?”
Katsuki looked around the room, clicking his tongue as he started digging through Izuku’s clothes. “We’re going out.”
Izuku rubbed his eyes with a mutter, “Why me?” Izuku tilted his head up to the ceiling for a moment before he turned back to look at Katsuki, “I'm not going anywhere.”
Katsuki laughed, throwing a shirt at Izuku. “That's cute. Get changed, we’re going on an adventure.”
Izuku fumbled around when the shirt smacked his face, “Kacchan!” Izuku huffed a breath as he held onto the shirt in a tight grip, “I’m serious. I'm not going.”
Katsuki stared at Izuku with a serious expression for a moment before sighing, “Look, you need a break from everything and I'm here to give it to you.” Katsuki walked over to Izuku, handing him a matching pair of cargos. “Get dressed, I'll show you something worthwhile.”
Izuku stared at Katsuki, holding the clothes in his arms. Katsuki crossed his arms over his chest, raising a brow at Izuku. It went on for a moment until Izuku blinked first. “Where are we going?” Katsuki grinned widely, shoving Izuku into the bathroom. “To the highest cliff we can find.”
“ What?! ”
This so-called adventure started with a two hour train ride, before they had to switch over to the local bus, and then walk another half an hour. Just as Izuku was losing his patience—and breath, he noticed the forest they were approaching and a lone trail leading into the trees. They passed a sign that said: Hatonosu Gorge .
“We’re going hiking?” Izuku stopped by the entrance, staring into the trees as they curve into each other, the leaves were a beautiful arrangement of autumn colors.
“It's on your bucket list, right?” Katsuki walked ahead of Izuku onto the trail. Izuku almost tripped over a rock at the entrance, straightening himself as he walked behind, “You remembered?”
Katsuki scoffed, “You thought I would forget anything that easily?” He turned to hand something over to Izuku. Izuku's eyes locked onto his camera that he kept on his bookshelf, “You brought my camera?”
“You wanted to take more pictures, remember? Capturing memories or some shit.”
Izuku grabbed the camera, placing the strap around his neck, “I just didn't think it was really that memorable.”
“I remember everything.” Katsuki commented lightly as steered them to the left, off the trail. Izuku looked back at the easy looking path as he followed Katsuki, “Are we supposed to be going this way?”
“That way is boring, plus, this is a shortcut.” Katsuki ducked under a low hanging branch, walking around the trees. He climbed up a rock, lowering a hand to pull Izuku up behind him. Izuku hesitated, “Have you gone this way before?”
Katsuki grinned at Izuku, it was a dangerous expression on his face. Izuku’s heart stuttered, skipping a few beats at the sight. “What’s the point of going on an adventure if you know where you'll end up?”
Izuku looked up at Katsuki, mentally debating in his head before he just decided fuck it . He could never say no to Katsuki in the past, what made this time any different? Izuku reached up to grab Katsuki’s hand, pulling himself up.
They walked for ten minutes, the trees slowly growing thicker around them, the further they travelled into the forest. Izuku had paused a few times behind Katsuki when sometime caught his eye, he ran his hands along the bark of the trees, stopping to take pictures when he spotted a uniquely shaped rock or a particularly pretty flower.
“Look at this one!” Izuku crouched next to a fallen tree, where a single flower grew on the trunk of the tree. The sun was peeking through the trees just right, showering the flower in the soft glow of the morning sun like its own little spotlight. It was a bright purple around the edges before fading into a pearly white in its center. He lifted his camera around his neck and snapped a few pictures, “I wonder why only one grew.”
Katsuki stood beside Izuku, “Survival of the fittest. It was the only one able to survive in the most unlikely place, all the other ones probably just couldn't handle it and found an easier place to grow.” Katsuki pointed to the tree standing tall next to the fallen one, the same flowers surrounded the base in a neverending field of purple.
“It must be hard. Surviving alone while everyone else watches on.” Izuku sighed at the flower as he stood up.
“It's not alone.”
Izuku frowned at Katsuki, “What do you mean?”
“It still has the sun.” Katsuki walked up to the flower, bending down until he was eye level with it. “It's in the perfect place to get sunlight. The other ones are being shaded by the trees, while this one was the only one to search elsewhere. It's still vibrant and healthy.”
Izuku looked at the flower, tilting his head as he thought about Katsuki’s words, vibrant and healthy. He aimed his camera towards Katsuki, snapping a picture of him, his face calmly looking at the flower, one hand reaching out to brush against the purple petals. Katsuki let his hand fall away from the flower as he slapped his hands over his thighs and he stood up, “Lets go. I heard water coming from this direction.”
Izuku gave it one last look before he walked behind Katsuki as he led them away from the lone flower. Their shoes crushed the fallen leaves as they walked between trees, dodging low branches and jumping over overgrown roots peeking up from the forest floor. Izuku could just barely hear the sound of running water as they walked uphill through a steep incline.
Izuku held onto one of the trees nearest to him as he lost his breath. They've been walking for a while by this point, and Izuku was quickly losing any stamina he woke up with this morning. Katsuki stopped walking when he noticed a missing set of footsteps. “You good?”
Izuku held a hand to his chest as he nodded, “Yeah, fine. Just out of breath.”
Katsuki slides the bag he's been carrying this whole time off his back, digging through it for a moment before producing a metal water bottle, twisting the cap open and handing it over, “Here, drink this.” Izuku quietly thanked him before taking a sip.
He choked on the ice cold liquid, “Why do you have a bag?” Izuku asked as Katsuki swung the bag over his shoulder. Katsuki raised his eyebrow, “What kind of fucking idiot goes hiking without a pack?”
Izuku frowned, “I don't have a pack.”
Katsuki waved his hand at Izuku and started to walk again, “That's because you don't need one, I have everything you could need in mine.”
Izuku paused in his steps, that was actually kind of nice of Katsuki to do. Izuku picked up the pace to catch up, “I didn't know you came so prepared.”
“I’m always fucking prepared, Izuku.” Katsuki scoffed over his shoulder. They walked down a steep hill as the sound of rushing water became louder. Izuku stumbled over some twigs on the floor as he gasped at the sight in front of him, “Oh, wow.”
They stopped just at the base of a large river, rocks poked out from the stream almost glistening from the sun hitting the water. The waterfall flowed down from the top of a cliff, cascading down a rocky ledge and into the pool below. The sound echoed through the trees, but standing directly in front of it made it sound like a powerful roar as the water splashed into a flowing river.
Izuku craned his neck to stare up to the top of the waterfall. He’s never seen something as breathtaking as this. It was a different kind of beauty, it was fast and dangerous, standing tall as it invited everyone to step closer and watch. The river below flowed viciously, reminding Izuku that taking that step closer would cause the current to sweep him away.
“This is amazing!” Izuku exclaimed excitedly as he turned to Katsuki. Izuku felt giddy as he picked up his camera and took a picture of the waterfall. He looked down at the device, looking at the image of the rushing water frozen in time. He could see the way the sun was shining, creating the after image of a rainbow.
“Kacchan, look at this picture!” Izuku turned the camera over to show him. Izuku looked over to Katsuki as he smiled down at the image.
That genuine smile that softens his whole face as his eyes crease up. A smile Izuku hasn’t really been able to get out of him since they were little kids and playing heroes and villains. The same one Katsuki gave him on the day of the amusement park when he snapped that photo.
Izuku was mesmerized by the sight. His eyes widened when Katsuki turned that smile to him, “That’s a good picture, nerd.” Katsuki pointed at the camera, “You can even see a rainbow.”
Katsuki looked back at the waterfall, walking down the slope of rocks to run his fingers through the passing currents. He just smiled at Izuku and walked away like he didn’t just cause Izuku’s heart to stutter and start beating into overdrive. Izuku placed a hand over his chest as the weirdest thought he hasn’t really had since he was a child came to mind.
Katsuki was absolutely gorgeous when he smiled.
Izuku’s face went red at the thought. He tries to think back to when he first realized this, and finds that it’s been a while. Maybe since the beginning. Katsuki had always been the prettiest person around growing up, it’s no surprise that Izuku found him pretty. Surely everyone else did as well.
He needed to calm down, it was just a smile at a picture. It wasn’t something for him to get worked up about at all. In fact, Katsuki was even eyeing Izuku from next to the river as he just stood there dumbly holding his hands over his heart with his face bright red.
He didn’t want to think what that skip of beat meant. It actually can’t mean anything because meaning anything would be messed up. It would be cruel for it to mean anything in the current situation.
It meant nothing at all to Izuku.
“Izuku, come look at this.” Katsuki waved Izuku over to where he was crouched.
Izuku just needed to get his head back into the game, no more unnecessary thoughts. “Coming, Kacchan!”
Katsuki was leading them up a hill, they had to stop for rest breaks at Katsuki’s demand. Not that Izuku particularly minded, he needed the rest.
Katsuki helped Izuku over a rock before he spread his arms out once Izuku was next to him, in front of Katsuki was the most electrifying view Izuku’s ever seen—and he just saw a waterfall for the first time.
“Well? What do you think about the view from the top?” Katsuki turned back to Izuku with a wide grin, it was different from before. It was a wild grin he had when he’s showing something off.
“Kacchan, I have no words other than it’s gorgeous.” Izuku walked past Katsuki towards the edge of the cliff. There was a tree by the tip of the cliff, full of life and colors. Leaves flowed down as the wind blew through it, Izuku reached his hand up to pluck a leaf from the air next to him.
Izuku turned around showing Katsuki the leaf, “I didn’t know hiking could be like this.”
Katsuki's face twisted into a weird expression, nothing malicious or cocky. It was more gentle looking, his face fully relaxed and his eyes softened. “Yeah.”
Izuku blinked his eyes at the look. He had no idea what it meant and Izuku was too scared to ask. Instead, Izuku turned back to the view behind him. Just beyond the cliff, there was the top of a forest that went on for miles. They had almost a bird’s eye view from how high up they were.
Izuku heard Katsuki’s shoes crunch on the leaves as he walked over. Izuku clutched his hand over the orange leaf in his hands, “It really is pretty up here.”
“Yeah, it is. The best view in the whole forest.” Katsuki stated simply as he took off his pack and sat along the edge of the cliff. His legs swung off the ledge carelessly.
“Kacchan! Don’t sit there, what if you fell? Or the cliff suddenly breaks off?” Izuku stressed out.
“Oh, relax. If anything happened I’d just use my quirk to get back up.” Katsuki patted the spot next to him, “Come.”
Izuku took a step forward, leaning his head just slightly over the ledge before quickly retreating. The drop down to the bottom was way too much for Izuku to feel comfortable sitting there. “I think I'm good.”
“Don’t be a baby! Come take a seat, I'll grab you if you fall.” Katsuki rolled his eyes.
“You won’t push me, right?” Izuku eyed the edge nervously.
“Only if you piss me off.”
“Kacchan!”
Katsuki rolled his eyes harder, Izuku could feel the attitude in the air. “I won’t push you. Just come sit.”
Izuku crouched down from where he was, crawling along the floor until he could just barely see the ground below. Calling that far enough, Izuku crossed his legs and sat just a smidge behind Katsuki, who looked over at his movement with a raised brow, “Really? I said I wouldn’t push you.”
“I don’t trust you, remember that time you said you wouldn’t push me off the log and then pushed me anyways?”
Katsuki clicked his teeth, “You were crying in the middle of the way!” He shrugged his shoulders, “You were fine anyways.”
“I fell into the river! I walked home soaked because of you!” Izuku exclaimed.
“You were probably hot anyway. Who doesn’t like a cool walk under the heat?
Izuku's face scrunched up, “It was night. I walked home in the dark freezing cold, soaking wet because you ran home with the only flashlight.”
Katsuki winced, “Oh. Yeah, I was an asshole.”
“I could think of a few more words.”
Katsuki stayed silent for a moment and Izuku sighed, regretting bringing that up. He didn’t mean to bring down the mood, it’s not like Katsuki was that person anymore.
“I’m sorry.”
Izuku turned to look at Katsuki in surprise, “Huh?”
“For how I acted, as a kid I was unreasonably cruel to you.” Katsuki kept his eyes on the horizon as he spoke, refusing to look anywhere else. “I’m sorry I was such a dick.”
Izuku didn’t respond right away, he pulled his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them. He laid his head against his knees as he looked at Katsuki. The words came out easily, “I forgive you.”
Katsuki turned back to Izuku, his face was full of clear guilt towards his past self, “Why? Why would you forgive me? I even told you to fucking—“ He cut himself off, his face pale.
“Because, you're you. Because, I don’t think I could ever truly hate you and I know you never truly hated me. Because, you apologized and meant it. Because, I know you think nothing you do will ever make up for the past, but you're wrong. Your actions make up for every mean word you’ve ever said.” Izuku took a deep breath, “I forgive you because I can see you’ve changed and the person you have become deserves forgiveness.” Izuku finishes off.
Katsuki stares at Izuku without saying anything back. He just stares, eyes searching Izuku’s face like he’s looking for a lie, not that he would ever find one. “I forgive you, Kacchan. I always will.”
That’s the truth. At the end of the day, no matter how mad or disappointed Izuku could be, it was hard to not forgive Katsuki. Whether it was because Izuku was too forgiving by nature, or because this was just Kacchan, Izuku just couldn’t do it. It was like he wasn’t made to ever hate him.
Izuku didn’t know if he could ever reach that level of hate for him. He didn’t want to find out. Katsuki was the only constant in Izuku’s life, his symbol of strength and victory. Izuku needed him.
Izuku needed him like he needed the air in his lungs, he doesn’t know who he would be without Katsuki. Doesn’t even want to think about a life without him in it. Katsuki meant everything to who Izuku is as a person, of fucking course Izuku forgives him.
“You shouldn't.” Katsuki finally spoke.
“Why not?”
Katsuki turned away. Izuku moved up, uncrossing his legs and sitting at the edge of the cliff. Izuku looked at the horizon in front of them, kicking his legs out over the open air beneath them. “I think,” Izuku started before turning to look at Katsuki, “You don't get to tell me whether I should forgive you or not.”
Katsuki looked over and Izuku continued, “I think it's not up to you. It's my choice, not yours, and I choose forgiveness not only for you but for me.”
Izuku gave Katsuki a smile, “You don't have to accept it, but don't tell me I can't forgive you when I already have.”
Katsuki sighed, looking away from Izuku as he leaned back against the grass, he stared at the sky as he spoke, “You're an idiot. You're too forgiving.”
“Maybe, but I couldn't live my life any other way.” Izuku followed Katsuki’s lead and laid back, staring up at the passing clouds before pointing one out, “Doesn't that look like a bunny?”
“Where?” Katsuki tilted his head to look at where Izuku was pointing. “Just over there, I can see the ears.”
Katsuki laughed, “It looked like that damn mask you wear.”
Izuku was aghast, “It does not! My mask looks nothing like bunny ears!”
“Oh, my bad. I forgot they were supposed to be All Might’s hair.”
Izuku's face felt hot, “Shut up!” He sat up on his elbows to look over at Katsuki, “I'm not the one who’s hero name takes after him, Dyna-might!”
Katsuki ears went red, “Shut the fuck up!”
After some time Izuku found himself moving through the trees, gathering little twigs at Katsuki’s request. Once he had a good handful he walked back over to the clearing by the cliff where Katsuki was pulling items out of his pack. “What are you going to do?” Izuku asked as he set the sticks down.
Katsuki left his pack to move the sticks around on the floor, “Don't you remember your own list?”
Izuku tilted his head as he watched Katsuki’s hands spark up just enough for the small pops to catch on one of the sticks and start a fire. Izuku watched as the fire slowly started to spread across the wood, “That reminds me of the camping trip.”
Katsuki looked over at Izuku in disbelief, “When I got kidnapped?”
Izuku's eyes widened at the reminder and he burst out laughing, “Not that part, before then.”
Katsuki’s lips twitched as he shook his head, “I can't believe you.”
“Stop!” Izuku held his hands out, “I didn't mean the bad parts! We had some good times before it went bad.”
Katsuki grabbed a stick from the pile and started poking at the burning wood, “True, it wasn't all shit just most of it was shit.”
“I just mean,” Izuku waved his hand out at the fire, “You tried to light a fire once when we were cooking our food and it didn't go as smoothly as now.”
“Yeah, yeah.” Katsuki waved the burning stick in his hand at Izuku before pointing out to his pack, “Grab the ziplock bag would you.”
Izuku walked over to the pack, picking up the ziplock sitting on top filled with food. The one thing Izuku could really make out was the pack of marshmallows on top of everything. Izuku walked over to Katsuki, sitting down next to him and handing the ziplock over. “It's kind of early in the day for a fire, isn't it?”
Katsuki snatched the bag, “It's kinda late in your life to be this dumb, isn't it?”
“It's only two in the afternoon!”
Katsuki opened up the bag and pulled out the marshmallows, “Read the room, Izuku. Why would I start a fire and then pull out this shit.” Katsuki waved the bag in Izuku's face.
Izuku watched Katsuki pull out chocolate and a pack of graham crackers before it finally clicked in his head, “S’mores! We're making s’mores!” Izuku ripped the crackers from Katsuki's hand, “I've always wanted to try a s’more!”
“That's just sad, no one should not know what a s’more tastes like.” Katsuki grabbed the crackers back, opening the pack. “Also, don't yank shit from me.”
Izuku watched as Katsuki opened the marshmallow bag and stuck a piece onto the end of a stick, “I thought I could just make some in the dorms.”
Katsuki handed the stick over to Izuku, “If you want s’mores, you gotta do them right. Outside, over an open fire— it's the only way.”
Izuku grabbed the stick, twirling it around in his hand before he placed it over the fire. Katsuki poked another marshmallow into his own stick as he spoke, “Just be careful that you don't burn it.”
Izuku nodded as he twirled the marshmallow around, watching all the sides turn black before he pulled it out. The whole marshmallow came out on fire, Izuku blew it out in a panic before turning to Katsuki, “I think I burnt it.”
Katsuki looked up from his stick and sighed at the black marshmallow at the tip of Izuku’s stick. “I don't know why I trusted you with anything related to fire.” Katsuki pulled the stick from Izuku’s hand and set it down to the side before grabbing his own. “Watch, place your hand here.” Katsuki grabbed Izuku’s hand, placing the stick in his grip before he moved Izuku’s hand to hover the marshmallow over the edge of the fire. “You have to twirl the stick constantly so nothing gets burned.”
Katsuki moved the stick around in Izuku's hold, twirling it around until all the sides of the marshmallow were lightly browned and slightly gooey looking. Izuku felt Katsuki tug on the stick and he pulled it out of the fire.
Katsuki let go of the stick as he reached for a graham cracker, placing a chunk of chocolate on the cracker before he held it over to Izuku. Izuku rested the marshmallow over the chocolate and watched as Katsuki slid the melted marshmallow off before placing another cracker on top. “Here, try it.”
Izuku grabbed the sandwiched treat, taking a bite and immediately humming in delight as he chewed, “Kacchan! This is amazing!”
Katsuki made a sour face as bits of crackers flew from Izuku’s mouth, “Finish chewing before you start praising, fucking hell.” Katsuki grabbed another marshmallow, sticking onto the same stick before he stuck it into the fire.
Izuku stuffed the rest of the treat into his mouth, slapping his hands to get rid of any crumbs, “I like it here.”
Katsuki twirled the stick as he hummed, “What do ya mean?”
Izuku leaned back onto his hands as he watched the fire crackle in front of them, “The atmosphere here. It's so peaceful.” Izuku looked over at Katsuki, tilting his head, “Why did you bring me out here?”
Katsuki pulled the stick out of the fire, sliding the marshmallow off and placing it on his own graham cracker sandwich, “It was on your bucket list.”
“That's not what I mean. You said I needed a break from everything this morning, so why today?”
The marshmallow stuck to Katsuki fingers as he handled his treat. He sucked on the side of his thumb before he sighed, dropping his hand and looking over at Izuku, “I heard about what happened yesterday.”
Izuku nodded his head as he looked away from Katsuki, “So you heard all the yelling?”
“Ei told me actually. After you left the dorms, he wanted me to go after you.”
Izuku picked up a loose rock from the grass, “Why didn't you?”
“I did.”
Izuku looked over to Katsuki as he continued, “I saw you with Aizawa and thought he had it handled.”
“Oh.” Izuku frowned. He wasn't sure how he felt about that but something in his chest squeezed tightly at the thought. “That makes sense.”
Katsuki stayed quiet for a moment before he spoke up again, “Do you want to talk about what happened?”
Izuku looked away with a sigh. He played with the rock in his hands, “Everyone is acting different, I knew it would happen but that still doesn't make it any easier to deal with.”
Katsuki didn't say anything in response. Izuku didn't bother looking over to see what his face was saying as he went on, “I just wish everything would stay the same. Nothing really changed, I'm still the same.”
“Would you rather they didn't care?” Katsuki finally asked.
“What?” Izuku's face scrunched up as he looked over to Katsuki. He had a blank expression on his face as he stared at the s’more in his hand. “I said, would you rather they not give a shit? What if they learned you had cancer and didn't even care to say that sucks?”
Izuku paused as he took in the question. It would actually make everything worse. If not even his own friends care enough to hear that Izuku’s sick and show some sympathy, then who would? “No. I wouldn't want that at all.”
Katsuki hummed as he took a bite from his s’more, “That's what I thought.”
Izuku didn't like when Katsuki did that. Making something that seemed so complicated to Izuku sounds so simple. “Don't talk with your mouth full.”
Katsuki glared at Izuku, swiping his hand out to land a hit that Izuku saw coming a mile away. Izuku moved away to dodge the hand before it could touch him. “Fucking smart ass.” Katsuki grumbled.
Izuku’s lips broke into a smile as Katsuki shoved the rest of the s’more into his mouth before flicking Izuku off. Izuku grabbed the stick Katsuki left, shoving another marshmallow onto it before he stuck it in the fire, “Second time's a charm?”
They had to go back home eventually, Izuku sighed as he watched Katsuki pack up his stuff. He's really gonna miss this place. Katsuki huffed as he swung the bag onto his back before turning to Izuku, “You ready?”
Izuku nodded, “I wish we could've stayed longer.”
Katsuki frowned down at his phone, “It's already past five. We should head out before the sun starts to set. We can come back some other time.”
Izuku gave the view behind him a sad smile. He doesn't know if he'll ever see this again. “Sure, we can just come back later.”
“Come on, we have a long walk down.”
Izuku sighed before he turned around to follow Katsuki back down the mountain. It didn't take long at all for the trees to consume them once again, hiding that cliff and its view behind a blur of green.
By the time they made it down the mountain, it was closer to six. Izuku was exhausted from the walk down to the point where his legs were shaking just standing next to Katsuki as they waited for the bus. The air was cooler now the later they got into the day, but that didn't stop Izuku from sweating like he ran twenty miles.
Katsuki glanced at Izuku’s flush face, placing the back of his hand over Izuku’s cheek, “Do you want to sit?”
Izuku shook his head, “I'm fine, there's no benches here anyways. How far is the bus again?”
Katsuki looked down at his phone, “About ten minutes. It says it's delayed.”
Izuku swallowed loudly, “And then we get on the train after?”
Katsuki frowned.
Izuku waved his hand, “It's okay. I can make it.”
Katsuki shrugged off the straps of his pack, digging into one of the smaller pockets and pulling out a melted ice pack. He placed it on the side of Izuku’s neck, making him wince at the chill before he sighed in relief. “Why do you have this?”
Katsuki closed the bag and left it on the floor, “It was for the chocolate. I didn't want it to melt before we reached the top.” Katsuki patted the pack on the floor, “Sit. I don't want to carry your ass the rest of the way if you collapse.”
“I won't—” Izuku started to protest.
“Sit.” Katsuki demanded.
Izuku sat down on the pack. “Bossy.” He muttered as he moved around to find a comfortable spot. The bag crunched under Izuku and he froze in place, “I think something broke.”
Katsuki waved his concerns away, “Probably was the crackers. I don't need them anymore, it’s fine.” He raised his hand to block the sun from his eyes as he watched the road for the bus. Izuku fiddled with his camera, lifting it up to snap a quick picture of him.
Katsuki blinked at the sound of the click, turning to look at Izuku, “Did you just take my picture?”
Izuku lowered the camera, raising his hand to cover the sun from the screen as he looked at the photo, “Yeah. It came out nice.”
“Your camera is probably full of me at this point you fucking stalker.” Katsuki grinned at Izuku as he came closer, crouching down just next to him to peek over at the image.
Izuku rolled his eyes, looking over to Katsuki with a teasing smile, “It’s not my fault you have a photographic face.”
Katsuki shrugged as Izuku flicked through his camera, “I’m just good like that, even my face is the best around.”
Izuku perked up, “We should take a picture to commemorate the moment.” Izuku pressed the back button and flicked the side screen up to put the camera in selfie mode.
“I think I’ve had my photo taken enough times today.” Katsuki grimaces at his own reflection in the camera, bringing his hand up to cover the lens.
Izuku slapped his hand away as he raised the camera up, “Stop, don’t be like that. We barely have any photos together that's not from when we were kids.”
Katsuki grumbled as he scooted closer to Izuku, “Guilt tripping is a toxic trait.”
Izuku laughed.
“Just bring your face closer so I can get this picture.” Izuku tilted his head closer to Katsuki’s, holding the camera steady.
Katsuki made a sour face the second Izuku pressed the button. Izuku turned to him, “Stop doing that with your face.”
“I’m just posing for the camera.” Katsuki steady himself in his crouch before waving his hand at the camera. “Do it again, I got a better one.”
Izuku hesitated for a second but raised the camera up to face them again. Katsuki calmed his face looking at the camera and Izuku tried to press the button quickly. In a split second, Katsuki smirked at the camera before he raised his hand and grabbed Izuku’s cheeks, making his lips purse out into a duck face.
Izuku slapped his hand away, “Kacchan! That was almost a nice one.”
Katsuki laughed, taking the camera away to look at the picture. “I think it’s the best one yet.”
“Can’t we just get one good picture?” Izuku whined. “The bus is gonna come any minute, come back here.”
Katsuki slapped away Izuku’s hands trying to grab the camera. “Fine, come here.” Katsuki pulled Izuku closer to him as he lifted the camera. Izuku could feel Katsuki cheek pressed into his own face as Katsuki snapped a photo.
Katsuki backed away as he looked down, “That one’s okay I guess.” He mumbled as he scrolled through the pictures.
Izuku could still feel the heat of Katsuki's face against his own as Katsuki handed back the camera and stood up. “Bus is here.”
Izuku stared at the camera, the picture still on the screen. Katsuki held his hand in front of Izuku as the wind of the bus blew past them, the vehicle slowing down just in front of the stop.
“Come on, let’s go.”
Izuku turned off his camera, grabbing onto the offered hand and letting Katsuki pull him up. Katsuki swung the pack onto his back, pressing his other hand into Izuku’s back to push him along to the doors of the bus.
Katsuki pulled Izuku to the back of the bus after they swiped their passes, pushing him into a window seat before sitting down next to him. “It’s not that long, only about 20 minutes to the train station.”
“Sounds good.” Izuku sighed as he rested his head against the window. The day's events were really starting to drain him now, he looked out the window watching the trees pass by.
Izuku sighed in relief as he stumbled up the stairs of the dorm building behind Katsuki. Katsuki held the door open for Izuku, he walked in stumbling out of his shoes and threw himself onto the couch.
“Busy day?” Shouto asked as he took a sip from his mug.
“You have no idea.” Izuku mumbled into the cushions of the couch.
Shouto hummed, “It's about to get busier, it seems.”
“What?” Izuku turned his head from face down to look at Shouto, he pointed to right behind Izuku and when Izuku turned all he could do was sigh.
Kirishima, Ochako and a few others were standing around the common rooms, nervously glancing at Izuku from their spots. No one spoke as Izuku took notice of them, Ashido even turned away when Izuku met her eyes to the wall behind her, raising her hand to touch the surface like she was really fascinated with the paint job.
Izuku pressed his lips together as Katsuki walked past the crowd and towards the stairs. Izuku reached out to grab his arm as he walked past, “Wait! Where are you going?”
Katsuki raised a brow, “To my room?”
“You're just gonna leave me here,” Izuku lowered his voice, “With them?”
“You know what you have to do, you don't need me here for moral support.” Katsuki gently pulled his arm away as he continued on his way. “Wait! Kacchan!” Izuku watched Katsuki turn the corner to the stairs and deflated into the couch.
“Izuku…” Ochako started to speak. Izuku raised his hand to stop her, Katsuki was right, he knew what needed to be said and that meant he had to go first.
Izuku stood up to face the group, "I'm sorry for how I reacted yesterday.”
Ochako’s jaw dropped at the same time Ashido turned back around to look at Izuku. He pressed on before anyone could speak. “I feel bad about blowing up at everyone. I understand that you all are just worried and scared. I should've just told you how I felt earlier and avoided the whole outburst.”
“Mido, I'm going to stop you right there.” Kirishima stepped up. “You have no reason to apologize, we were being way too overbearing.”
“Yeah, don't apologize Deku.” Ochako said.
“Plus even if you spoke up about it, we have some dense classmates who need to be yelled at to understand.” Shouto piped up from behind Izuku.
“I resent that statement.” Ashido pointed at Shouto.
Shouto shrugged, “It's true.”
“Moving past that,” Izuku gave Shouto a look to shut up as he spoke. “I still wanted to open up to you guys, I was feeling trapped under all the bubble wrap you guys were applying to me. I hated feeling like you all thought I couldn't do anything myself anymore. I felt so useless.”
“I'm sorry we acted that way,” Ochako walked over, pulling Izuku into a hug. “You're not useless Deku, and I'm sorry we ever made you feel like you were.”
Izuku’s eyes watered as he buried his face into her shoulder, “It's okay.”
“It's not okay,” Ochako said as she rubbed his back, “And it'll never be okay that you felt that way.”
“I'm sorry, Midoriya!” Ashido cried out as she threw herself into the hug, "I'll never act that way again.”
“Me too!” Kirishima crashed into the hug, almost knocking Izuku off his feet.
“Same!”
“Guys?” Izuku called out as he felt more people added to the hug. “Okay, everyone, I forgive you. Please let go?”
“I'm sorry, Deku!”
Izuku threw his hand out to tap on whoever he could reach, “Okay, I get it.” Izuku heard the sound of someone sobbing that he wasn't useless and just sighed. Even if his organs feel like they might decide to pop out, he could give everyone a few more minutes to get all the guilt out of their systems.
Eventually, once he was finally let go and sitting back on the couch, Ashido piped up next to him, “So…”
Izuku glanced over at her, “So?”
“I just wanted to ask something.” She turned to face him on the couch, resting her head in her hands. Izuku tilted his head, confused, “Okay? Go ahead and ask.”
Ashido grinned, “How was your date with Katsuki?”
“Date?!” Izuku's eyes could've popped out of his head. “What date?”
“Oh yeah!” Kirishima poked his head out from behind Ashido, “How was hiking?”
Izuku felt his face redden up, “What? How did you know?”
“He told me.”
Izuku covered his face with his hands, “Oh.”
Ashido nudged his shoulder, “So? How did it go? You guys were out all day.”
“It wasn't a date! It was just hiking!” Izuku exclaimed.
“Two people going somewhere by themselves for an activity and maybe some tension between them and were not calling that a date anymore?” Ashido smiled teasingly at him. Izuku squeaked, “Tension?!”
“Leave the poor boy alone, Mina. You're killing him.” Ochako walked out of the kitchen with an apple in her hand. She threw herself onto the couch next to Izuku and took a bite, “He doesn't understand what we all know is true.”
“What does that mean?” Izuku asked, feeling offended.
“The grown ups are talking sweetie. Give us a second.” Ashido patted Izuku’s arm before she got up and dragged Ochako away.
Izuku’s hands dropped as he stared at Kirishima for an answer. The boy just shrugged his shoulders at him, "Don't worry about it Mido. How was your date?”
Izuku dropped his face back into his hands as he whined, “It wasn't a date.”
Kirishima laughed, “Sure. Then how was hiking?”
Izuku grumbled, “It was fun.”
“Did you get to try any s’mores?” Kirishima asked.
Izuku faced scrunched, “How did you know?”
“Katsuki told me he was bringing it.”
Izuku leaned back, giving Kirishima a once over, “How much does he tell you exactly?”
“Not nearly as much as you're assuming.” Kirishima laughed as he got up, patting Izuku’s shoulder as he walked away, "Don't worry, he's all yours.”
“What?” Izuku whipped his head around to watch Kirishima leave. “What does that even mean?!” He shouted at his back.
Notes:
Its really starting to feel full circle now, I started this on Izuku birthday last year with an angst chapter and now this year i deliver fluff.
This chapter took a minute cause I was busying deconstructing the rest of my outline for this fic because I decided I actually wanted to change the whole ass ending for something different. I have so many deleted scenes just thrown into another page because of this and I wanna cry every time I look at them. I also finally have a good idea what the final chapter count is gonna be though so yay for that.
This isn't beta'ed so all mistakes are mines alone and one day after I'm done I'll try and go back and fix them all. If you see anything, kindly point out any bad spelling and/or grammar and Ill fix what I can.
Chapter 12: feeling more bitter than sweet
Summary:
Drisson n.
Pronounced /dree-sawn/
“An unexpected twinge of attraction for a friend; an utter of desire you don’t necessarily want to feel, that didn’t even seem possible up until this point, when it suddenly becomes a problem you have to deal with.”
Chapter Text
July
--
Emotions are such a fickle thing.
You can spend all your life thinking about someone in one way— maybe sometimes your thoughts stray and you have to fight them back, but overall that’s your friend and that’s it.
But then, one day something happens, they did something or said something and now your world view of them has been tipped over the edge and you're left free falling into new emotions that they caused in you.
You start to like them.
The worst part is, you don’t even notice the change at first. You still act the same way around them, and say the same things, but something’s different. Your heart beats just a little quicker when they're around, you spend your time searching for their face in a crowd, easily able to pick them out from anywhere.
Izuku hates these emotions. He hates walking into the common room now and looking around first before sitting down. He hates the flush of his skin when his hand gets innocently touched by accident. He hates the way his heart has a mind of its own. He hates the new thoughts filling his head.
A sudden flip of a switch and now Izuku can’t stop thinking about it. He can’t stop thinking about sharp grins and twinkling eyes. Bright colors and loud noises.
Izuku pulls the covers over his head with a groan, he can’t do this. Izuku’s pity party is interrupted by loud pounding on his door, “Izuku! Get up already!”
Izuku groans again, “Go away!”
The knob jiggles, “Why is your door locked?” They knock on the door again, “Just get up! Class is starting in ten minutes!”
“Alright!” Izuku yells. “I’m going, I’m going. Relax!” Izuku closed his eyes, letting one last sigh before he got up and grabbed his bag. When he opened the door, Ochako had her arms crossed as she raised a brow at him.
“Well?” She asked.
“Well what?” Izuku walked around her, closing his door behind him as he went over to the elevator. Ochako followed right behind him as he pressed the button and leaned back against the wall to wait.
“Don’t play, Izuku. Tell me what the hell is up with you these past few days!”
Izuku bumped his head against the wall behind him, he turned to look at her, “I don’t know what you're talking about.”
Ochako scoffed, “That’s complete bullshit and you know it.”
“I don’t know what you want me to say.” Izuku looked back at the elevator as the doors dinged and then opened. “There’s nothing wrong, everything’s fine.”
Izuku walked into the elevator, pressing the button for the first floor as Ochako followed him in, shaking her head at him, “I hate when you do that.”
Izuku stared straight ahead at the doors and rolled his eyes, “Do what?” Izuku turned to look at her, “What? What am I doing?”
“That thing you do when there’s something bothering you and you don’t want to talk about it!” Ochako huffed. “You always pretend like there’s nothing wrong, if you don’t want to talk just say that! Don’t lie about it.”
Izuku poked his tongue into his cheek as he nodded at her, the doors opened to the first floor and Izuku walked backwards out as he spoke, “I don’t want to talk about it.”
Izuku turned around and continued to walk over to the front door, sliding his feet into his shoes. Ochako stayed right behind him, “Tough shit! You need to talk about it, it’s been eating at you for days! Don’t walk away from me, Izuku!”
Izuku opened the front door, “How far can I realistically go when we’re heading in the same direction?”
Ochako stumbled to put her shoes on but she caught up to Izuku quickly as he walked down the path to the main building, “Izuku, I know I haven’t been the best of friends lately, but I'm just worried about you. You’ve been distant, more than usual and I already know about the cancer so it isn’t that.”
Izuku kept quiet next to her. She sighed, “You can talk to me Izuku. I promise, I'm here for you for whatever it is.”
“I just don’t want to talk about it.” Izuku walked up to the front of the building, placing his hand on the doors but pausing before he could open them, “I can’t talk about it. I just…I can’t.” Izuku opened the door and turned back to look at her, “Can you drop it? Let’s just go to class.”
Ochako sighed, gripping her bag and adjusting it on her shoulder, “Okay, fine. I’ll drop it.”
Izuku watched her as she walked through the doors, “Really?”
She turned around, “No, but I’ll wait until you come to me. But, Izuku,” She pointed her finger at him, “I expect you to come to me eventually.”
Izuku sighed in relief, “Deal.”
“Let’s get to class then, I really don’t want to hear Aizawa complain this early in the morning about being late.”
Izuku laughed, “Or Tenya.”
Ochako grinned back at him, “Or Tenya. God forbid we’re late, he might catch a heart attack.”
“He’s worse at complaining than Aizawa.”
“Tell me about it.”
“Settle down.” Aizawa walked up to the front of the rows, handing each student a package of papers to pass down the line. “We're gonna do things a little different today since it's the last day before your break.”
Whispers echoed around the classroom, Aizawa ignored them as he walked back to the front of the room by the board, “Hero work is not all about getting the bad guys and saving the people. There are many layers to hero work and what makes a hero a good one.”
Izuku pulled out his notebook as Aizawa started to write on the black board, "Sometimes heroes have to dig up details for a case, going undercover or by research.”
Aizawa turned back to the class with a grin, “Lots of research.”
“And that's where the papers come in, take a look at the papers in front of you.” Aizawa placed down the chalk in his hand and leaned against the podium. Izuku frowned at the paper in his hands as Aizawa spoke, “This is your villain— Gaijin. Your job is to find out any information you can on this guy and come up with a plan to capture him.”
Aizawa turned back to the blackboard, writing down bullet points, “That involves his quirk and what it does, his base where he can be found, how you could counter his quirk and who you would need to get involved, the connection, if any, between his victims, and lastly, how to bring him in, preferably alive.”
Izuku flipped the page around to look at the back, it gave him the barest of information, the guy's age, where he was last since and his list of victims. Izuku raised his hand, “Are we allowed to question the victims?”
Aizawa turned around, “How else would you find a connection?”
Denki raised his hand from across the room, “Is this guy even real? One of the victims is Midnight.”
Aizawa set the chalk down and dusted his hands, “The villain is very real, but I wouldn't let you bunch loose on innocent civilians even If I was strapped down on a table being tortured.”
Izuku winced at the mental image. Aizawa continued, “The victims listed are all staff in this school. You can question any and all of them for this, you are not allowed to leave the campus for this and you're not allowed any internet access while you're researching.”
Tenya raised his hand quickly, “How are we supposed to research without the internet sir.”
“Figure it out,” Aizawa smirked, “Nothing better than good old detective work.”
Aizawa waved his hand at the class as he walked over to the door, “You can work in groups of two or three, I don’t really care just whoever gets to me first and has a decent plan that will work, will get extra points for their effort and quick planning under pressure. Everyone else gets graded on how thorough their research is and whether or not the plan will work.”
Aizawa opened the door, “No cheating, I'll know if you do.”
Izuku flinched at the door slamming shut. He looked down at the paper in his hands as Katsuki turned around, throwing his arm over the back of his chair and facing Izuku, “Wanna work together? I bet we can beat all these losers.”
Izuku bit his lip as he gave Katsuki a quick glance before looking back down at the paper, “Um, I can't. I promised Ochako I'd work with her.”
Katsuki frowned, “What the fuck? When? We just got the assignment now?”
Izuku gathered all the papers on his desk, standing up, “I'm sorry, Kacchan. Plus Kirishima is already coming over here. You guys can work together.”
Izuku left, stumbling over his bag as he made his escape. Katsuki called out behind him, “Are you serious? You want me to win with this idiot dragging me down? Izuku!”
Izuku ignored him as he rushed over to Ochako, dropping all his papers on her desk and slumping into the empty chair in front of her. Ochako raised her hands at the new mess on her table and looked at Izuku, “Um? Are you okay?”
“Yeah. Wanna work together?” Izuku leaned back against the wall behind him looking over at her.
“Sure?” Ochako frowned, “Why did you just run away from Katsuki?”
Izuku looked over to Katsuki, ducking his head when he caught him staring back, “No reason. Kirishima called dibs and I didn't want to intrude.”
“How the hell did he call dibs we just got the assignment?” Ochako asked.
Izuku started to mess with the papers on the desk, “Anyways, where do you think we should start? I was thinking about questioning the victims first to get a baseline.”
Ochako gave Izuku a weird look before she focused on the papers in front of her, “There isn't much to go on off of these.” She gathered the papers in her hand and grabbed her bag, “Okay, let's start with the victims.”
Izuku got up to follow her out, she paused by the door, "Aren't you gonna grab your bag?”
Izuku looked back at his desk where Katsuki was still sitting while talking with Kirishima and Sero. Izuku shook his head, “N-no. I don't think I will need it. I can always come back for it later.”
Ochako gave Izuku another one of her looks that said, ‘I know you're lying but I don't know why’ . Izuku pushed her out the door as he grabbed the papers from her hand, “Okay, who first? Should we just go down the list?”
Ochako walked next to Izuku, looking at the paper, “I guess so. There doesn't seem to be much rhyme or reason to the names and their order listed down.”
“Then we start with All Might.” Izuku handed the paper back, “Let's go then.”
All Might smiled at them when he opened his door, “What are you doing here? Hasn't class started already?”
All Might let them in, Izuku walked over to the couch, sitting down, “Yeah, we’re here on an assignment.”
Ochako sat down next to Izuku and All Might snapped his fingers as he closed the door, “Oh, right. I remember.” He sat down on a chair across the couch, “Okay, What are your questions?”
Izuku opened his notebook, looking over at Ochako. They probably should've written down some questions before they started but it was too late now. Izuku readied his pencil as he looked up at All Might, “Can you tell me what you remember about the attack? Anything you saw or heard?”
All Might sat back in his chair with a hum, “It was the middle of the night, I was taking a walk and suddenly I was hit from behind. I blacked out after that.”
Ochako leaned in with a worried expression, “Can you tell us what happened after you woke up?”
“I was alone, behind a dumpster…” All Might paused, looking uncomfortable as he spoke again, “My quirk was gone when I woke up.”
Izuku felt his whole body stiff up, he felt lightheaded, “You—…Your quirk was g-gone?”
All Might hesitantly nodded his head. Ochako placed her hand on Izuku’s arm and whispered, “It's not him, Deku.”
Izuku glanced over to her, “I know. I know it's just…” Izuku sighed, sitting up straight, “Um, was the quirk lost permanently?"
All Might shook his head, “It suddenly came back after a few hours. Just popped back into place like it never left.”
Izuku wrote that down, “Did you ever get a glance at the villain?”
“No. He hit me from behind and when I woke up both my quirk and the person was gone. I never saw him again.”
Ochako leaned forward, placing her hand on the table in front of them, "I'm sorry you had to go through that. Don't worry, we’ll find the person who did that to you.”
All Might stood up and reached his hand out to shake Ochako’s, “Thank you heroes.” He turned his hand to Izuku and shaked his as well.
When the door was finally closed behind them, Izuku turned to look at Ochako, “A villain who can take quirks and give them back?”
Ochako sighed, dragging her hand through her hair, “Why would Aizawa give us this case to work on? We have enough nightmares as a class.”
Izuku crouched down on the floor, “I can't believe it. There’s someone else out there who can steal quirks…” Izuku brought his hands to cover his face, “I never thought someone else could have a similar quirk. I don't know why, It makes sense, people can have similar quirks with slight differences.”
Ochako kneeled next to Izuku, placing her hand on his back, “Deku, will you be okay? We can go ask Aizawa for a different person, it's still early enough.”
Izuku took a breath, rubbing his hands over his face before he dropped them, “No. No, it’s okay. We can do this. Who knows if something like this can happen again in the future. I need to be able to handle it.” Izuku nodded at his own words and stood up, “We got this. We’re gonna beat everyone and solve this mystery first.”
Ochako pushed herself off the ground, “Okay. I’ll follow your lead.”
Izuku nodded, walking down the hallway to the next victim on the list. Ochako paused for a second, “Should we warn Katsuki?”
Izuku stopped walking, “What?”
Ochako twisted her hands, “Katsuki. He should know. He probably has it the worst, during the war he…maybe he shouldn’t walk into this blind.”
Izuku stared past Ochako as she talked, she was right. If Izuku had a bad reaction to hearing about the quirk then Katsuki’s reaction would be ten times worse. Someone should tell him if he hadn’t already figured it out.
“You're right. We should warn him.”
Ochako nodded before leading the way back to the classroom. When they opened the door, Katsuki was still sitting at his desk surrounded by Kirishima and Sero, all hunched over an open book. There were some other stragglers in the class still coming up with plans but that didn’t matter. Izuku turned to look at Ochako, “You tell him.”
“What?” Her voice echoed through the classroom.
Everyone looked over at them. Izuku winced at all the eyes and pulled Ochako to the side just outside the door to whisper to her, “You need to tell him.”
Ochako’s eyes widened and she whispered back, "Why can’t you tell him?!”
Izuku looked around the hallway to make sure no one was listening, “Because I can’t! I can’t tell him, you need to tell him!”
“What?! Why not? You're closer!” Ochako whispered-shouted.
“I can’t! Plus, you had the idea first! You should tell him since you were the one worried!”
“You were worried too!”
Izuku grabbed Ochako’s arm to push her in the door, “Just tell him! We have to move on to the next person!”
“Tell who what?” Katsuki was leaning against the door to the room.
Izuku and Ochako jumped at his sudden presence. Ochako reached behind her to grab Izuku’s arm and pull him in front of her, Izuku fought back, slapping her hands away as Katsuki watched them with a raised brow, “Tell who what? What are you losers fighting about?”
“Tell him!” Ochako whispered as she pushed Izuku forward. Izuku stumbled at the shove, whipping around to glare at her in betrayal. Katsuki looked at Izuku expectedly as he was forced in front of him, he crossed his arms as he waited for Izuku to speak.
“Oh...um, Kacchan! Hey, hi.” Izuku looked away from his gaze, “What's up?”
Katsuki pushed away from the door frame, "I'm good, but I would be better if you told me what's got you acting weird lately. You haven't been able to look me in the eye since Saturday.”
“Is that so?” Izuku mumbled, he looked away, scratching the side of his neck, “I haven't noticed anything different.”
Katsuki pursed his lips, “Is that what you're going with?”
“I’m not sure what you mean, Kacchan.” Izuku dropped his hand from his neck, "I've been normal, just being regular ol’ me. Nothing different whatsoever.” His hands were starting to feel sweaty, he wiped them along the side of his pants.
“And you haven't been avoiding me? At all? Are you telling me everything is fine?” Katsuki asked.
“Yup. Everything is great. I'm doing great and you said you were too so...” Izuku glanced back at Ochako, he swung his hands forward, clapping them together, “That's just great. We're all great.”
“That's all you have to say?” Katsuki's face twisted, his forehead wrinkling up in confusion, “That everything is great ?”
“Is something…” Izuku bit his lip, looking between the two, “Not great?”
Ochako’s face was full of disgust as she raised her hands in between Izuku and Katsuki, creating distance. “Please…just stop . I can't take this anymore.”
She sighed heavily, looking at Katsuki, “Look, we just came to tell you that the quirk this guy has made it so he can forcibly take other quirks away.”
Katsuki's whole body froze, “What? Why…” He took a breath, “How do you know?”
“The first victim says it. Izuku didn't have the best reaction to the news and…” Ochako sighed, slapping her hands on her thighs, “I just thought you should know before you fully started.”
Katsuki stares at Ochako for a while silently before his eyes look past her and at Izuku, “Are you okay?”
Izuku's eyes locked with Katsuki for barely a second before he started to feel nervous, "I'm fine, I was surprised but the shock wore off.”
“You sure?”
Izuku sighed, letting go of the tension in his body, "I'm okay, Kacchan. I swear.”
“We should go,” Ochako said to Katsuki, she turned to look back at Izuku, “We still have more people to talk to.”
“Right.” Izuku nodded at her. “Okay, well...um, bye, Kacchan. See you later.” He pushed Ochako to start walking past Katsuki, and onto the next person on the list. Once they had gotten far enough away, Ochako stopped Izuku, “Okay, what the hell was all that?”
“All what?”
Ochako gave Izuku a deadpan look, "Don't play, you know what I mean.” She pointed down that hallway they'd just walked through, “That was a complete mess, I started to feel sorry for myself for having witnessed it. Though, I should probably feel more bad for Katsuki for having to actually go through it, what was that, Izuku?”
“I don't know what you're talking about.”
“Izuku, I'd rather have my teeth pulled out than be forced to watch that any longer.”
Izuku turned away from her, “It wasn't that bad.”
Ochako held her hand over her face, “Please, please I can’t do this anymore.” Ochako looked up and took a deep breath, "Give me the strength.”
Suddenly she reaches over to grab Izuku’s shoulder to shake him, “What’s the matter with you!” Izuku placed his hands over hers as his head was being rattled, “You're gonna make me throw up.”
Ochako snatched her hands away with a wince, “Sorry.”
“I just have a lot on my mind,” Izuku straightens up his blazer. “I need time to think.”
Ochako grabbed the papers out of her bag and started flipping through them, “Maybe that's your problem.”
“What? Thinking?”
“Yeah, you're probably thinking about whatever it is too much. Sometimes it's better to just act.”
Izuku contemplated her words for a moment before blurting out, “Better for who?”
“That’s for you to decide. Now, come on. We have a list to work through.” Ochako walked away leaving Izuku and his jumbled up thoughts behind. If he acted on these thoughts, who would it be better for? Him or Kacchan?
They ended up talking to three other staff who played as victims before they took their notes and headed back to the dorms. Stopping by the classroom to grab Izuku’s bag, they walked up the front steps to the dorms to find half the class spread out across the different surfaces crowding the common room.
“I guess everyone else had the same idea.” Ochako said as she slipped her shoes off by the door.
Izuku looked around the room for an empty spot, “Seems like it's full.” He pointed at the elevator, “Wanna head up to my room?”
“Sure.” Ochako shrugged.
The trip up was fast, Izuku opened up his door, throwing his bag on the floor and setting the paper down on his desk. Ochako claimed the bed, crossing her legs with her notebook opened on her lap, “Okay lets go through what we have.”
Izuku clicked his pen against his cheek as he leaned back against his desk chair, “We know from All Might that this guy can steal quirks but they come back eventually.”
Ochako nodded her head, “Midnight and Present Mic confirmed that they also had their quirks stolen for a few hours.”
Izuku frowned at his paper, sitting up, “What I don't understand is how they got their quirks back? They all said they never saw him again after the first attack.”
“Well, let's not compare this quirk with a quirk we already know, maybe there's a reason the quirks are given back?”
“But why?” Izuku clicked his pen against the paper repeatedly as he thought, “A time limit? Or maybe he's limited to only one quirk at a time, he can't collect them and hold onto them.”
Ochako leaned over, “A time limit!” She stood up, grabbing her bag and dumping the paper on the bed, “That has to be it. I mean, Midnight got her quirk stolen a week after All Might's attack.”
Izuku nodded as his brain caught up, “Right, and All Might said that he got his quirk back after a few hours.” Izuku grabbed a piece of paper from the bed, “Okay then, this is starting to make more sense.”
“What’s that?” Ochako asked. Izuku handed the paper over as he talked, “The paper Cementoss gave us, he was the last victim to get their quirk stolen and he said that when the attack happened he saw himself staring back.”
Ochako browed furrowed, “That could've been because he was hit though. Maybe he was just confused.”
Izuku shook his head as he stood up, he grabbed the papers and notes they had collected so far, spreading them out on his bed, “Not necessarily, in the original paper Aizawa gave us, it said that after the attack the victims were seen committing crimes, but they were all in the hospital after each attack. It was even confirmed by hospital staff and the police that the victims were in a daze for the hours their quirks were gone.”
Ochako pointed to the list of crimes each victim had allegedly committed, “They couldn't have done these crimes then. Does that mean that not only are their quirks stolen, but also their identities?”
“That could be why we don't have a lot to go on, this guy changes his face and quirk before committing a crime.” Izuku sighed as he looked at the details of the quirk they had down, “This is such a cool quirk, why would he choose to be a villain? He could have saved lives, If he becomes the victim then he could've done so much good in a hospital setting.”
“I know, he would be an exact match to every blood type in the world.” Ochako sat back down, “He also could've used his quirk to help teach others how to control theirs."
“What a waste of a quirk.” Izuku mumbled. He sat back down in his chair and pulled his notebook over, writing down bullet points, “Okay, how do we capture someone that can steal quirks. Do we know if it is touch-base or he just has to be around the person he intends to steal from?”
Ochako shuffled between the victim statements, “No one said specifically, just that he attacked them from behind by hitting them over the head when they were alone.”
“That’s the connection then, every victim was a target of opportunity for being alone at night.” Izuku said, he wrote that down before adding, “Cementoss was the most reliable source but he was still concussed after the attack, and his memory of it isn't enough to confirm anything besides that sudden mirror image.”
Ochako tilted her head, “We should settle for the worst possibility, which is that he can change into anyone in his sight or presence. I think the best person to use either way would be Shinsou. He could call out from a safe distance out of sight, easy capture.”
“I agree, him and then some quirk cancelling cuffs.” Izuku nodded, adding that to his notes. “How do we find his base?”
“All his victims were located within the same five mile radius for starters.” Ochako looked up from her notes, “Do we have to find the exact location?”
“I’m not sure.” Izuku opened his bag to pull out his other class notebook. He flipped through his notes for the lesson, “It doesn't say.”
“Well, we have a good baseline of everything, there is only so much we can find out with the information at hand.” Ochako sighed, leaning back over the papers on the bed, “My head hurts.”
“Same.” Izuku rubbed his hands against his forehead at the distance throb starting to make itself known. He leaned over to pull open his drawer to take something for the pain. Ochako stayed silent as he popped a pill into his mouth and finished the rest of a half drunken water bottle on his desk.
“How are you feeling?” She asked quietly.
Izuku sighed as he crushed the bottle in his hand, “As well as you can expect, I guess.”
Ochako nodded her head, “Is cancer the reason why you've been acting weird lately? Is it getting worse?”
Izuku groaned, “No. That's not— Wait, I thought you said you were dropping it until I was ready?”
Ochako sat up quickly, “I can't drop it! Especially after what I witnessed earlier. It was a straight up horror show.”
“I just…” Izuku covered his face with his hands, “I can't be around Kacchan right now.”
“Did he do something to you?” Ochako’s voice hardened suddenly and Izuku dropped his hands, looking at her with wide eyes, “No! Of course not. He didn't do anything wrong." Izuku looked away from her, pulling on his fingers nervously, “It's me. I'm the problem.”
Ochako slumped in relief, “That's good.” Her face crinkled at Izuku, “That still doesn't explain the problem. What do you mean it's you?”
“I fucked up, Ochako.” Izuku whispers the words. “I don’t know what to do. What should I do?”
“What do you mean?” Ochako asked.
Izuku leaned back in his seat, running his fingers through his hair, “I don’t know. I don’t want to tell you because I don't want it to be real.”
“Then let’s not talk about it right now.” Ochako shrugged. Izuku felt his brows furrow in confusion and she laughed, “I’ll let you stay in denial for a little longer, but just know that it won’t last forever. You’ll have to come clean eventually about whatever this is,” She waved her hand at Izuku, gesturing to all of him, "Just never do that thing you did earlier ever again.”
“Thanks. I think?” Izuku laughed awkwardly. “Should we go downstairs and see how everyone else is doing?”
“Definitely.” Ochako started to gather the papers on the bed, “Maybe they're having better luck than we are.”
“That's not what Midnight said!” Kaminari shouted.
“She literally said: I was hit in the back of the head, I didn't see anything!” Ashido shouted back.
“If she didn't see the blow, how the hell would she know she got hit?! She had to see something!” Kaminari stood up from his chair, sending it flying back.
“You don't have to see shit! You can feel your head getting bashed in!” Ashido looked away from him, “Someone get this idiot out of my face before I hurt him.”
Izuku slowed down as he got near, whispering under his breath to Ochako, “I don't think they're doing better.”
“Yeah…” Ochako mumbled. They watched as Kaminari walked over to a board they had set up with papers and strings pinned up everywhere. “Look! Look at this! She was hit and then her quirk disappeared! We know that the guy must've touched her to do this, but then how did she get it back? He touched her again!”
“Stop saying she was touched! She was attacked from behind! Are you blaming her for the attack?!” Ashido stood up, pointing her finger at him.
“Guys…maybe we should take a break..” Kirishima spoke calmly from his seat.
“No!” Ashido and Kaminari shouted at him. Kaminari slapped his hand against the board, "I'm not blaming anyone! I'm just saying how can not one person know what this guy looks like? It's not like he's invisible!”
“Maybe he is.” Shouto walked over to the board. He grabbed a post-it, writing something down before he stuck it to the board, “We never considered that he isn’t invisible.”
Izuku walked over to the evidence board, reading Shouto's note that said ‘Invisibility Quirk???’ . Ochako walked over to Shouto, placing her hand on his shoulder, “I don't think he can turn invisible.”
Shouto grabbed another post-it, scribbling on it quickly before he placed it next to the other one. Ochako rolled her eyes as she read it, turning to Shouto, “It's not Hagakure.”
He shrugged his shoulders and sat down at the table. Ochako ripped the post-it off the board, “His quirk is something to do with stealing others, he can’t be invisible.”
“She could have two quirks.” Shouto said.
Ochako held her hand up at Shouto, “Please, just stop.”
Ashido walked over to the and took the post-it from Ochako’s hands, “Why are you helping us? I thought you and Deku were doing it together.”
“We were, but I can still help my classmates.” Ochako looked over at Kirishima, “Where’s Katsuki? I thought you were working with him?”
“I was, he said he needed a break from everyone and went to his room. He took all his notes with him so I think he’s working on the assignment by himself now.” Kirishima shrugged his shoulders as he took a drink from his soda can.
Ochako looked over at Izuku. He could feel her eyes even as he focused on the board in front of him. He didn't want to think about anything involving Katsuki right now, he just wanted to work on the assignment. “We were thinking that he could have a time limit to the quirk he steals.”
Izuku turned around as Ashido slammed her hands on the table, “Thank you! That's what I've been trying to say!”
She walked around the table and grabbed her notepad, tearing out the page and pinning it to the board, ‘ Quirk might involve a time limit .’ She knocked on the board where her note was placed, "I'm telling you, he doesn't need to make contact more than once, he steals the quirk, does the crime quickly before his time runs out.”
Kaminari rolled his eyes, slumping into a chair with a sigh, “I guess that could be it. That still doesn't explain how the hell no one knows what he looks like.”
Ashido let out a strained yell through clenched teeth as she curled her hands in Kaminari direction, “I just want to strangle you.”
Izuku felt his phone buzz in his pocket as Shouto leaned over to whisper, “I don't think they should ever work together again.”
“Same.” Ochako nodded in agreement. Izuku sighed as he pulled his phone out of his pocket and glanced at the screen.
Katsuki: New message.
Izuku bit his lip as he clicked on the inbox and opened up his chat with Katsuki. ‘Come here’ His fingers hesitated as he debated on what he should say, he settled with a quick: ‘Why?’
The text back was almost instantly, ‘Now.’
Izuku stared at the message until his screen went dark, he glanced back at the elevator as he bit into his cheek. He really didn't want to face Katsuki alone right now. Not with his mind in such a mess. He slid his phone back into his pocket just as it buzzed again.
He ignored the message. “I'm getting a snack.” He whispered to Ochako, she nodded at him as she watched the back and forth between Ashido and Kaminari like it was a sporting match. Izuku left them to it as he wandered into the kitchen.
He opened the cabinet where they normally kept their free-for-all stash of snacks for everyone. He pulled out a random box, grabbing a bar and ripping the package open. He placed the bar into his mouth as he turned around, grabbing a bowl from next to the sink. He might as well grab some snacks for the table he decided as he walked back to the cabinet and pull out whatever bag of chips was already opened.
“So we’re ignoring text messages too?”
Izuku startled, his teeth clenching through the protein bar. The other half fell into the bowl as he turned around to face Katsuki. He pulled out the broken piece from his mouth, “What?”
Katsuki scrunched his face at the food that was now in Izuku's hand. He walked over to the counter to glance at the items Izuku laid out, “You're ignoring my messages.”
Izuku moved slightly away, “W-what? I would never.”
Katsuki hummed as he reached into the bowl to grab the other half of Izuku’s protein bar. He pulled down the wrapper a bit and took a bite, “If you're hungry you should eat real food, not this shit.”
Izuku placed the broken piece in his hand on the counter as he looked away, "I'm not hungry. I just wanted something to snack on.”
Katsuki finished the rest of the bar, crumbling the wrapper in his hand. “You should eat healthier snacks.” Katsuki walked over to Izuku, making him lean back into the counter behind him to try and create some space. Katsuki glanced down at Izuku as he leaned over to reach for something behind him.
Izuku tilted his head to the side as he felt the body heat coming off Katsuki the closer he leaned in, “What are you doing?”
Katsuki pulled away slightly as he brought an apple up between them. Izuku glanced behind him at the fruit bowl he was standing in front of. “You should have an apple instead of that other chemical filled junk.” Katsuki held the apple out to Izuku to take.
Izuku glanced down at the apple and back up at Katsuki’s face as he slowly brought his hand up to take the offered fruit, “Do you have to stand so close?”
Katsuki raised a brow, “Oh, I'm sorry,” His voice came out mockingly. “Am I making you uncomfortable?”
Izuku grabbed the apple from his hand and slid to the side to bring back the space that Katsuki had taken up, “N-no. It's not that.”
Katsuki kept his eye on Izuku as he walked over to the sink and grabbed a knife from the drawer next to him. Izuku tried to ignore the stare as he washed the apple and started to cut it into slices.
“Is it me?” Katsuki asked quietly.
The sound of the knife cutting through the apple was so loud in Izuku’s head, “Is what you?”
“Did I do something? Was it something I said?” Katsuki asked.
Izuku glanced behind him, “What are you talking about? You didn't do anything.”
“Then what the hell is your problem?” Katsuki walked over, taking the knife from Izuku’s hand and setting it down on the counter, "You've been distant. Ever since we went hiking it's like a flip was switched. I don't even remember a time this whole week that I've walked into a room and you didn't get up to leave right away.”
Izuku sighed as he leaned his hands on the edge of the sink, “Nothing wrong, Kacchan. I swear. I've just had a lot on my mind.”
Katsuki scoffed, "That's such bullshit and you know it.”
Izuku closed his eyes as he took a breath. It was bullshit. He was purposely avoiding Katsuki in order to try and not think too hard about what's been eating at him all week. Izuku just didn't know what the hell he was supposed to do. How could you tell someone that you've known all your life that not only do you have incurable cancer, but actually you somehow found the time between throwing up and doctor appointments to have a crush on them?
At the end of the day, that's what this was. That's what Izuku was struggling with so much. He has a damn, stupid little crush on his childhood friend.
He was dying and now after all the time he's known Katsuki is when he finally realizes that he likes him.
“I'm sorry.” Izuku whispers. “I didn't mean to avoid you. I won't do it anymore.”
Katsuki frowned, “So you were avoiding me. Why?”
Izuku looked down at the apple, grabbing a slice and handing it over like a peace offering. Katsuki stared at Izuku for a minute before he looked down at the apple slice, “You're not going to tell me, are you?”
Izuku didn't say anything. Katsuki clicked his tongue as he nodded his head, grabbing the apple slice from Izuku’s hand, “You know what? Fine. That's fine.”
Izuku didn't like the way Katsuki’s voice cracked at the end of his sentence. He lowered his head down and whispered, "I'm really sorry, Kacchan.”
Katsuki cleared his throat, “I said it was fine, didn't I?” He took a bite from the apple as he turned around to walk out of the kitchen, “Eat the damn apple, It's healthy."
Izuku watched Katsuki leave the kitchen. Once he was gone, Izuku turned back to look at the sink, raising his hands to cover his face as he cursed softly under his breath.
He really was the absolute worst.
When Izuku finally made it back to Ochako, they poured over the information a few more times before they started the debate on whether or not they were ready. Izuku had said that with all they had at the moment, it was probably enough. How much information can you really get from a few pieces of paper and some victim statements?
Ochako had eventually agreed with him after another hour and that's why they were currently racing through the main school building. There’s not many places Aizawa could be, but he wasn't in the classroom and this was the only other place in the school they could think of.
Izuku was slightly behind Ochako as she burst open the door to the teachers lounge. Present Mic jumped in his chair as the door slammed open, “Whoa! What's going on?!”
Izuku leaned against the doorway as Ochako marched into the room, waving the papers in her hand. They were both struggling to catch their breaths as Ochako asked, “W-where—where’s Aizawa?” She placed her hand on the desk in front of her as she panted, waiting for Present Mic to answer.
He raised his brows as he pointed to the other side of the room. Izuku nodded in thanks as he followed Ochako further into the room to where Aizawa was curled on the floor with a blanket over his lap and a mug in his hands.
Ochako held the papers out and Aizawa took them without question. He raised from his spot on the floor and sat in his desk chair with a heavy sigh. Izuku pulled his fingers as he stood next to Ochako who was waiting just as impatiently as Aizawa pulled out a red marker and rubbed his eyes.
“Well?” Izuku mumbled out.
Aizawa looked over at him with tired eyes, “Can I read the paper first? That would make grading easier.”
Izuku shrunk back behind Ochako, “Right, sorry.”
Aizawa pursed his lips as he leaned back in his chair and began reading the paper given to him. The wait felt like torture and Izuku started second guessing some of his answers.
“Should we have guessed a location within the perimeter?” Ochako whispered to him, seeming to be thinking the same thing as Izuku.
Izuku wanted to pull his hair out, they just left the estimates of a location but never specified an exact building for the location. “I don't know? Are we being graded on specifics?”
“You're being graded on everything.” The chair clicked as Aizawa leaned forward and started writing in the paper, “This would be a lot easier if I wasn't being watched intensely.”
“Sorry.” They muttered. Izuku turned around to look at the wall behind him as Ochako started to mess with the cup of pens on the desk next to her. Aizawa sighed, but he didn't say anything as he continued grading.
They tried to keep themselves looking busy as the door to the lounge opened again and Katsuki came walking in with Shouto, Ashido, Kaminari, and Kirishima behind him. Katsuki cursed under his breath as he walked over to where Izuku and Ochako were waiting, “Fuck me, how did you nerds get here before me?”
“We ran.” Ochako mumbled as she anxiously played with a pen in her hands.
Izuku still felt awkward next to Katsuki, but he tried for a smile as Katsuki stood behind him, creating a line for all the students from class A who were slowly trailing into the room.
Izuku cleared his throat as motioned towards the paper in Katsuki’s hand, “Did you find his base?”
Katsuki glanced down at his paper, his eyes flicked up from under his lashes as he smirked at Izuku, "Why'd you ask? Having doubts on whether you picked the right partner for this? You guys couldn't figure out the location of one tiny building?”
Izuku gulped the saliva pooling in his mouth as he looked at Katsuki. His eyes started to water as he stared at him to the point where Katsuki titled his head and waved his paper around, “Well?”
“I—Um.” Izuku shut his mouth with a snap as he twirled around to face Aizawa again. He closed his eyes and counted in his head as he struggled to calm his heart beating fast in his chest. All Katsuki did was smirk at him and Izuku felt his whole body temperature go up by a few degrees. He missed when all his problems in life were which new villain was starting up trouble.
Ochako glanced at him. Izuku could feel her eyes on the side of his face until she started to lean in to whisper in his ear, “Why is your face so red?”
Izuku slapped his hands over his cheeks as he whispered, his voice whining a bit as he said, “Shut up, please.”
Ochako looked back at Katsuki, glancing at Izuku’s face again. She licked her lips as a smile started to creep up on her face, “Deku.”
Izuku looked away from her as she held back a laugh, “Izuku, look at me.”
He didn't move an inch as she grabbed his arm and slapped a hand over her mouth. Izuku bit his lip as her body began to shake with laughter, “Please stop laughing.”
She gasps for air as she leaned over to look at Izuku’s face, “You're not serious!”
Izuku glanced at her, their eyes connecting for a moment before he looked away again. Ochako's smile dropped as she watched his expression, “Oh my god, you're serious.”
“What's with the secret conversation?” Kaminari asked from behind them. Ochako looked over to him, all laughter faded from her face, “Be quiet, can't you see our paper being graded?”
Kaminari raised his hand in surrender as Ochako looked forward again. Izuku took a deep breath as he willed his face to cool down. Once he felt his heart steady a little he dropped his hands from his cheeks and glanced over at Ochako. She didn't even look at him as she asked, “Are you serious?”
Izuku didn't say anything, given their present company. He reached over and grabbed her hand, giving it a little squeeze before he dropped it. She nodded her head, but didn't say anything more as they waited for Aizawa to finish.
Izuku could tell she wanted to talk about her new discovery, but was aware this was not the time or place to have such a discussion. Izuku focused back on Aizawa as he wrote something at the top of the paper and handed it over to Ochako folded in half.
Aizawa sighed as he held his hand out. “Next.”
Ochako took the paper with thanks as she turned to Izuku with excitement, they stepped to the side as Katsuki handed his paper over. Ochako glanced at the grade they got, a soft squeal leaving her mouth as she passed the paper to Izuku.
Izuku couldn't hold back the excited grin on his face as he looked at the bright, red marked ‘100’ on the top of their paper. Ochako grabbed his hand in excitement, shaking it as she pointed to the grade with her other hand, “Hell yeah!”
“You can throw your party outside, get out before I change my mind. I'll see you next week.” Aizawa's voice carried as he kicked them out. Izuku closed his mouth as Ochako dragged him out of the teacher’s lounge now completely packed with kids.
“Oh my god!” Ochako burst out as soon as the door closed behind them. Izuku grinned at the paper in his hands as he read through the notes that Aizawa left. “I can't believe we got a hundred!” Ochako exclaimed.
“I know.” Izuku nodded as he flipped to the next page, “I'm surprised. We didn't even give an exact location.”
Ochako grabbed the first page, leaning over to read the front as Izuku scanned the second page. “I think it's from the extra points for time efficiency.”
“That makes sense.” Izuku muttered. “Heroes have to sometimes come up with plans on the fly, but they still have to make sense and work effectively.”
Ochako dropped the paper with a smile, “We aced that.”
Izuku returned the smile without any effort, “Yeah we did.”
Ochako sighed happily as she linked her arm with Izuku’s, “And now let’s discuss what I saw in there.”
Izuku looked away as she started to walk them down the hallway, “I have no idea what you mean.”
“Yeah, that's not gonna work anymore. I know what I saw. No more hiding away from reality, Deku.” Ochako chirped.
Izuku clicked his tongue, “And what was it that you saw.”
Ochako’s smile dimmed as she turned to Izuku with a serious face, “Do you like him?”
Izuku bit his lip as they made it to the front doors, he pulled the door open, “Wow, straight to the point.”
Ochako walked through, stopping him from walking any further as she turned to face him, "Answer the question.”
Izuku couldn't look her in the eye, “I don't know.”
“Are you saying that because you're unsure, or are you saying that because you don't want to admit it out loud?” Ochako asked.
Izuku's mouth opened in shock at her question. It felt like she was coming straight for his throat. It's one thing to think about having a crush, but to actually say it out loud? To speak the words into existence?
The doors opened behind them as a student was leaving the building. Izuku paused as he moved out of the way, “Sorry.”
Ochako moved as the student gave them a look of being in the way and walked around them. She looked back at the direction of the dorms, gesturing for them to start walking. “Let's head back.”
The walk back to the dorms was completely silent. Ochako opened the doors to the dorm, silently taking off her shoes and walking over to the elevator. Izuku had no choice but to follow her as she led them to her room. He wanted to escape. He wanted to just go to his room and lock the door, forget about all the things that happened and everything he knew was true.
He wanted to do that, but what would it lead to?
More hiding? More pretending that everything was the same? He could turn around and walk away right now, go to his room, pack a bag and head home before anyone noticed he was gone.
But then what?
Lay in his bed at home and think about all the things he wants to do, or hell, all the things he wants to say, while staring at his bedroom wall? Having his mom ask him questions about things he doesn't even have the answer to?
Izuku was back to the same place he was all those months ago. Having a mind full of concerns and questions and no one answer was being offered to him. No one was around to tell him what to do or how to move forward.
Izuku might be more on the do things himself side, but he wasn't an idiot. He went down this path so many times that the way was lit up for him to walk down.
He needed people.
He needed his friends, and while they might not have the answers he was looking for, cause lets be real, who would? They can give him support while he decides.
And Izuku needs all the support he can get with this one.
Ochako closed the door behind her as Izuku walked into her room. She padded over to her bed, setting her bag down on the floor and sliding off her blazer. “Do you want to go first or shall I?” Ochako asked as she folded up her sleeves to her elbows.
Izuku sat down on her desk chair, swirling it around so he could face her as she sat on the edge of her bed. “I don't know where to start.”
Ochako tilted her head as she looked at him, “How about you start from the beginning?”
Izuku rubbed his face with his hands, the beginning? There was just so much to say that the starting at the beginning seemed impossible. How do you look through so much history and try to decipher what's the start and the end?
There was just one thing Izuku was sure about, so he might as well start with that. Izuku dropped his hands to his lap as he whispered, “I think I've always liked him.”
Ochako's gaze softened, “Oh.”
“And I don't know what to do about it.” Izuku added.
“Why don't you tell him? Maybe he feels the same.” Ochako tried for optimism.
Izuku smiled, his lip trembling, "Be realistic, Ocha. I'm dying.”
Her breath caught as she looked away, “You don't know that.”
Izuku let out a big breath, feeling all the tension in his body float away until he was left with just a hint of acceptance, “I know.”
Izuku knew. All the things he was doing to avoid the reality of the situation was pointless.
It was unavoidable, inevitable.
However you wanted to put it, it all meant the same. Izuku was dying and there was just nothing to be done.
Notes:
Finally I feel like I'm getting somewhere. Originally I was thinking of ending this within the next 3 chapters but I'm not sure anymore. I just can't seem to be able to let go of this story, so I'm just seeing where it wants to go.
Thank you everyone for all the wonderful comments I've been seeing, even though it takes me a while sometimes to post new chapters, I love seeing people come back every time I update. I'm very happy people are loving this story as much as I am.
I hope you enjoyed <3333
Chapter 13: watching the sun from the ground
Summary:
Thrapt adj.
Pronounced /Th-rap-t/
“Awed at the impact someone has had on your life, feeling intimidated by how profoundly they helped shape your identity, having served as a ghostwriter of a work that nevertheless only appears under your name.”
Chapter Text
Izuku was trying.
It would probably be easier to not try, to just lay down and give up. He was sick so he definitely has an excuse, but here he was, still trying nonetheless.
“How do you feel?” Inko asked him. She had her arm wrapped through his, pulling him to her side in a tight grip as they walked down the path away from the hospital.
“The same.” Izuku mumbled. His whole body felt weak and drained. His mouth was dry beyond belief and he was glad for the arm gripping him upright.
“Izuku.” His mom scolded softly.
“I'm just tired, mom. Don't worry, I just need a nap.” Izuku said.
Inko sighed as she stopped on the edge of the sidewalk to where their car was waiting for them, she pulled open the door, letting Izuku get in first before she climbed in after him.
Once the car started to take them home, she spoke again, “I know the treatments are more rough on your body now. Be honest with me Izuku, tell me how you feel.”
Izuku leaned back, rolling his head against the headrest to look at his mom, "I'm fine. We knew these treatments were going to start being more aggressive. I'm just glad to be out of there.”
Inko grabbed his hand, placing their clutched hands onto her lap, “At least you're on a break. When we get home, I'll make you some soup and you can take your nap.”
Izuku closed his eyes, licking his lips as he thought about eating. Just the thought of having to smell food made him nauseous. “Thanks mom.”
Izuku knew she was trying her best too.
Getting out if the car was more of a struggle then getting in. The entire ride home had Izuku leaning against the window, focusing on his breathing while he tried not to throw up in the car. Inko must have seen it on his face because once he was standing on the sidewalk in front of their building, she pulled out a small bag and handed it to him.
Izuku gagged, taking the bag and within a second he was crouched over the ground with his stomach contracting as he threw up the light breakfast he had this morning. Inko crouched down next to him, rubbing her hand over his back as the driver pulled away from them without a care.
“Do you think you can walk inside?” Inko whispered by his ear as her hand gently rubbed in circles over his shoulder. Izuku didn't think he could even talk with the waves of nausea going through him. He gagged into the bag, clutching a hand over his stomach as it twisted and clenched with each gag.
“Okay, okay.” Inko’s voice soothe as she grabbed her phone. “I can't carry you up, honey. Should I call Katsuki? He should be home.”
Izuku dreaded that idea, but he couldn't even make his protest known as he kneeled on the concrete, taking deep breaths as he tried to will his stomach to calm down. Inko handed him a water bottle from her purse as she placed her phone to her ear, Izuku waved the bottle away as he bent his knees up to rest his head on.
He felt dizzy. This was the worst part of changing his treatments, before it was bad but he eventually got used to that bad. He knew he would be kinda nauseous afterwards but after a little rest he was normally okay.
But now? After the new treatments, he was down for the whole day.
Izuku could hear some footsteps pounding over to them as he panted into his knees, the barf bag still clutched tightly in his hand.
“Katsuki, I'm sorry to call you when you're on break.” Inko said.
“It's fine, auntie. What happened?” Katsuki asked. Izuku gulped as Katsuki crouched down next to him, leaning close with his hand on Izuku’s arm, “Are you okay?”
Izuku closed his eyes as he nodded his head at the question. Inko tried to hand the water bottle over again as she spoke, “He was fine in the car. We just came back from a session— the second he was out of the car his face went pale.”
“The new treatment is a bitch, I forgot to tell you auntie.” Katsuki sighed as he rubbed his hand over Izuku’s arm.
“I can't carry him in, can you…” Inko trailed off.
Katsuki grunted, “Sure.” He helped Izuku up, throwing one of Izuku’s arms over his neck while he wrapped a steadying hand over his waist. “Come on, Izuku. You're right there, just a few more steps and your home.”
The movement did not bode well with Izuku’s stomach. He felt lightheaded from pain, his eyes closing without his control as his head dropped to the side. Katsuki twisted Izuku around, catching him before he could fall, “This isn't gonna work.”
Katsuki muttered a curse, “Fuck. Okay, Up you go.” He placed one hand under Izuku’s legs, lifting him up like nothing, adjusting his grip for a second, “Come on, Auntie.”
If Izuku kept his eyes closed, maybe he could pretend this wasn't happening. Being carried by Katsuki like he was some damsel in distress was worsened by the newly found realization of the possibility of some other emotions involved.
Izuku didn't even have the luxury to focus on the new position he found himself in as his stomach twisted and he placed a hand over his forehead with a grimace. He felt hot and found his hand unreasonably sweaty on his face. He tried for more deep breaths as Inko pulled the throw up bag from his hand as Katsuki started to make his way inside the building.
The stairs were the worst part of the trip but it didn't take long until Katsuki was placing Izuku on the couch in his living room. The artificial light coming from the ceiling directly above him caused his head to pound without mercy. Izuku threw his arm over his face to cover his eyes as someone pulled his shoes off.
He could hear them whispering, as they walked around the apartment. The light was turned off and Inko was kneeled next to the couch, gently moving his arm from his face. She placed a wet towel over his head, her hand touching his cheek, “How are you feeling?”
Izuku didn't like the way her face was twisted with worry and distress. “It just feels like the flu, mom. I'm okay.”
Inko smiled down at him sadly, “You don't have to lie to protect me, Izuku. Let me help you, tell me what you need.”
Izuku sighed as his eyes fell close again, “The towel helps,” He muttered. “ I just need a nap.”
“Okay.” She grabbed his hand, pulling it over so she could kiss the back. “Do you want your nausea meds?”
Izuku nodded his head. She let go of his hand and got up, walking to where they kept all of Izuku’s prescriptions. Inko came back with a glass of water and two pills in her hand, handing it over to him. Izuku took a breath as he gained the strength to sit up quickly, popping the pills into his mouth and chugging a third of the water to help them down.
Inko ran a hand through his hair as he laid back down. Katsuki walked over with a blanket that looked like it was pulled off of Izuku’s bed, throwing it over his body. Izuku prayed for mercy in the situation and it was granted to him as he fell asleep quickly after.
When Izuku wakes up, the sun is hitting his face, making him squint his eyes. He turned around, feeling the soft give of the mattress under him. Izuku frowned, rubbing his eyes as he kicked the blanket off his legs and sat up.
His whole body felt like it was being weighed down with rocks. Every moment felt tortuous, like he just finished a heavy workout the day before and was feeling the aftermath of that soreness.
Izuku ran his hand through his hair as he looked around his room, not really sure how he got here. He was wearing one of his shirts that he had bought a size too big and just decided to keep as pajamas. He definitely wasn't wearing the shirt or the shorts he was in earlier.
Matter of fact, what time was it? Izuku could have sworn it was in the late afternoon that they got back home, but the sun was high in the sky even after his nap.
He looked around for his phone, not finding it in the mess of his blanket and pillows. He clicked his tongue in confusion as he got up and left his room.
Peeking around the corner to see into the kitchen, he found his mom fully dressed to go out, cooking food. Izuku walked over to the stool they kept by the counter that separated the kitchen from the small dining area they had. His phone sat on the counter and when he turned it around to turn it on, it was dead.
Inko turned around and gasped as she spotted Izuku, “You scared me, Izuku.”
Izuku dropped his phone back onto the counter, “Sorry, mom. Um...what time is it?”
Inko hesitated as she served rice into a bowl, “Six in the morning, I was just about to see if you wanted to eat before I leave.”
Izuku touched the edge of the bowl as she pushed it over to him, “Wait your leaving?”
“I do have to work.” Inko smiled as she grabbed another plate with cooked fish. Placing it in front of him with the promised soup from yesterday it seemed.
“How long was I asleep?” Izuku asked.
“We got home around three, I tried to wake you, but every time I brought food into the room you gagged at the smell.” Inko walked around the counter, placing her hand on Izuku’s face, “I thought it was better if you slept. How do you feel today?”
“Better, I guess.” Izuku mumbled as she leaned in to press a kiss to his head. “Good, that's good.” Inko said as she walked past him and grabbed her bag by the couch, “I have to leave, eat the food and take your meds.”
Izuku turned around to watch her as she sped through the house making sure she had everything, "I'll be fine. Don't worry.”
Inko paused, frowning at him, “Maybe I should just call out sick. You just had a session yesterday.”
Izuku rolled his eyes as he got up, "I'll be fine mom. This isn't the first treatment I've had, I know what to do. I'm on break anyways, what could I possibly do besides stay at home and rest.”
“Are you sure?” Inko asked.
Izuku nodded his head, pushing her towards the door so she could put her shoes on, “Yes, mom. I promise. Go to work.”
Inko clicked his tongue as she bent down to place her shoes on, “Why don't you call someone to come over? Katsuki lives in the closest but you could also invite Ochako if you wanted.”
Izuku sighed, “I don't need my friends to babysit me, I'll be fine by myself.”
Inko stood up straight, “Humor me, Izuku. It would make me feel better about leaving if I know you won't be alone all day.”
Izuku couldn't fight those words, he sighed in defeat, “Okay, mom. I'll see if Ocha wants to come over.”
Inko opened the door, “And Katsuki.”
Izuku rolled his eyes at the instances, “And Kacchan.”
Inko smiled at him, leaning forward to press a kiss to his face before she was leaving with a loud bye thrown through the closing door. Izuku stared at the front door for a moment before he made his way back to his stool.
The apartment was so empty and quiet now without his mom, he definitely was going to call Ochako. Izuku grabbed his phone, frowning at the charge icon on his phone. Right, it was still dead.
Izuku picked up his chopsticks, grabbing a chunk of rice and shoving it in his mouth. He always ate anything he could when his stomach was letting him. Even though it tasted horrible and he knew he would just end up throwing it up, it was better than not eating anything at all.
Izuku picked apart the fish, placing a piece in his mouth as his mind was swirling with thoughts. He slammed the chopsticks down on the table when he finally remembered, he didn't even ask his mom how he got to his room, actually better question, who the hell changed him?
Izuku covered his face in his hands. He knows Katsuki was here yesterday, but he really hopes and prays that what he thinks happened isn't actually what happened.
“God, if you're real, please…please don't let it be true.” Izuku mumbled.
Eventually after he ate all he could and had his phone mostly charged up, Izuku sat on the couch with his legs curled under a blanket and the tv turned on low for background noise, he called Ochako.
The phone rang for a second before she picked up, “Hey, what's up?”
“What are you doing today?” Izuku played with the fuzz on his blanket.
“I’m going out with the girls.” Ochako said as she moved around. Izuku could hear her moving away from the phone for a second, “I'm getting dressed right now, but you're on speaker.”
“Oh.” He said. There went all his plans for the day. “Where are you going?”
“Probably to the mall.” She grunted over the phone, a loud noise echoing down the line before her voice was suddenly closer, “Why? You want to come?”
“I was gonna ask if you wanted to come over, my mom doesn't want me alone.” Izuku shrugged his shoulders. He grabbed the remote, switching the hand holding his phone so he could lean his phone between his ear and the cushion of the couch.
“Do you need a babysitter or something?” Ochako laughed out loud. Izuku smiled at the question, "That's what I said.”
Ochako hummed down the line, “I can still come over later if you want? I can see if any of the girls want to stop by. Or, hey, maybe you should ask Shouto. He's always dying to leave his dad’s house.”
Izuku flipped through the channels, nothing really catching his eye, "He's going to his mom’s house for a break.”
“Oh yeah, he did say that.” Ochako moved around on the other side, Izuku could hear her keys jiggling as she called out a bye and closed her front door behind her, “And Tenya had some family trip planned for weeks, I think he went to the mountains.”
“Does he even have cell service up there?” Izuku asked.
“Probably not.” Ochako gasps over the phone, “I want to say something, but you probably won't like it.”
Izuku rolled his eyes, “Don’t say Kacchan, cause I’m not calling him.”
“Why not?” Ochako whined. “This is a perfect opportunity for you to see if he may like you back.”
“No.” Izuku threw the blanket off his legs as he got up to go to the kitchen, “There is no opportunity and there is no liking back. I don't even think I like him, I think I'm just confused from all the nice gestures last week.”
Ochako sighed, “We talked about this, Deku. You're not confused, you're in denial. I'm not asking you to confess, just… feel him out, see how he acts around you.”
“There will be no feeling out of anything,” Izuku says as he opens the fridge, looking to see what he could drink, “I already felt too much yesterday.” He muttered under his breath.
“What?” Ochako asked with a laugh, "What's that supposed to mean?”
Izuku grabbed a gatorade from the fridge, “Do you think it's fine if I drink a gatorade? Electrolytes count no matter where they're from, right?”
“Oh! Um…probably?” Ochako tsked, “Don’t change the subject, Deku. What did you do? Did you try and feel him up or something? Also why was he there? I thought you were going to your appointment with your mom.” Ochako gasps again louder this time, her voice lowering into a whisper as she spoke, “Did you feel up Katsuki with your mom right there? Scandalous, Deku. I didn't know you were this bold.”
“Shut up, that's not what happened.” Izuku cracked open the bottle, taking a few sips before he spoke again, “I was a little messed up from the treatments and mom called Kacchan to come and carry me upstairs, that's all that happened.”
Ochako paused for a second, “Okay two things, one are you okay?”
“I'm feeling good right now, not sure how long it's gonna last.”
Ochako sniffed, Izuku could hear her taking a deep breath, “Okay, that's good.”
Izuku rolled his eyes, placing the bottle down on the counter, “Just say what you want to say, I can feel you trying to hold it back.”
“He carried you?!” Ochako's voice cried out. “How did he do it? Threw you over his shoulder fireman style or gently picked you up like a pretty little princess?”
Izuku pulled the phone away from his ear, why he continued on with this conversation he will never know. He took a breath before he placed the phone back to his face, “It wasn't quite like you described it, but the second one.”
Ochako squealed, “Oh my god! Wait! What are you telling me, he really picked you up princess style?”
“Can you stop saying princess?” Izuku asked. He felt the embarrassment he couldn't feel yesterday start to build up in his chest and show on his face. He knew he was bright red already.
“Okay, fine. If you wanna be like that.” Ochako clicked her tongue.
“Also I was sick, like physically I couldn't move, kinda nauseous. What else was he supposed to do?” Izuku asked. He heard the doorbell ring and frowned, he wasn't expecting anyone this early.
“Well he definitely didn't have to carry you like that.” Ochako said. “There’s plenty of ways to carry you that didn't involve having your body pressed into his.”
Izuku sighed into his hands as he switched his phone into his other hand, “Like what? Name one other carry right now.” He walked over to the door, stopping briefly to kick the shoes on the floor to the side so he could open the door.
“I don't know, Deku. But I can promise you this, he feels something for you. I'm not sure what, but it's something. I should just ask Mina when I see her now, I'm sure she has an idea.” Ochako said.
Izuku twisted the knob pulling the door open as he spoke, “I swear to god, Ocha. If you tell Ashido anything, I will hunt you down. Girls day or not—”
Izuku cut himself off as his eyes met red. Katsuki was standing in front of him, holding up bags of food. Ochako continued talking, unaware, “Fine, fine. Your secret is obviously safe with me. I won't mention it, but if she happens to bring up something about Katsuki… well, that's out of my control.”
Katsuki held the bags up, “Well? Are you gonna let me in or should I stand here all day.”
Izuku tightened his grip on his phone, “Ochako, I have to go.”
“Wait, Is that… Katsuki? Is it him I hear talking?”
“Yup.” Izuku hummed. He moved to the side, letting Katsuki kick his shoes off and enter the apartment.
“Oh my god, Deku. This is perfect. Why don't you try and get closer to him and see how he reacts!” Ochako exclaimed.
“What!” Izuku yelled. Katsuki looked over, raising his brow as he settled his bags onto the counter. Izuku smiled back as he lowered his voice, “Why? Why would I do that?”
“Body language is the best way to see how someone is feeling. Stand close to him and see how he reacts, look to see if he's nervous around you or if his eyes linger too long on you know what—” Izuku cut her off, “Okay! I get it. Bye Ochako.”
“Wait, Deku! I'm serious—” Ochako was cut off by Izuku, ending the call quickly before she could say anything more.
“Kacchan!” Izuku's voice came out louder than necessary, he winced at the volume and cleared his throat, “What are you doing here?” Izuku walked over to the bags, peeking inside the one closest to him, “And with so much food?”
“Auntie called me. Wanted me to come over and keep you company.” Katsuki said as he started to take things out of the bags and place them on the counter or in the fridge.
Izuku rolled his eyes, because of course his mom noticed his reluctance and called Katsuki herself. Izuku watched Katsuki move around the kitchen as if he lived here, he grabbed his gatorade, looping around the counter and taking a seat on the stool. “That doesn't explain the small fortune worth of food you're now filling my fridge with.”
Katsuki held the door of the fridge open, looking over his shoulder at Izuku, “I thought since I'll be here for a while, we could finally finish that cooking lesson.”
Izuku sat up straight, his attention now fully captured, “Really? What would we make?”
“Something simple,” Katsuki said. He crushed all the bags together in his hand and stuffed them into the cabinet that Izuku’s mom liked to keep her reusable bags in. “We're gonna make curry.”
“I can make curry.” Izuku said.
“God, I would hope so. If you mess that up then you'll really be helpless in the kitchen.” Katsuki teased. He grabbed a can from the fridge, closing it behind him and handing the drink over to Izuku. Izuku pulled the can closer reading the label, “You got me a boba?”
“I wasn't going to another store, so you'll just have to accept the can version.” Katsuki said as he reached for Izuku’s gatorade. Izuku didn't even notice him grabbing it as he cracked open the can, it was more artificial than he liked, but it was boba. “Thank you.”
Katsuki grunted as he twisted the lid open, walking away from the kitchen and over to the couch, “What are we watching?”
Izuku followed behind him, settling back down in his spot and setting his can on the coffee table in front of him. “Nothing really, just channel surfing. ”Katsuki hummed as he grabbed the remote, flipping through the channels to find something to watch.
The conversation died out quickly, leaving Izuku to mess with his phone in his hands as he sneaked little glances over to Katsuki. Ever since his talk with Ochako at the dorms, Izuku has felt a bit finicky in Katsuki’s presence. He wasn't sure what to say or do and kinda just wanted him to leave Izuku alone to cope with his new emotions in peace.
Katsuki didn't show any discomfort to the awkward silence between them. Either he wasn't even aware it was there to begin with or was just better at hiding it then Izuku was.
Once he settled on a channel, Katsuki set the remote down on the table and grabbed the gatorade, drinking the rest of the bottle in a single go and leaving the empty bottle beside him on the couch. Izuku paid no mind to it as he was trying to force his eyes to remain focused on the TV in front of him and away from Katsuki.
Distraction.
His brain needed a distraction before he started to think too hard on the way Katsuki side profile was unfairly perfect or the sharpness of his jawline.
Focus, Izuku.
“Earlier today, there was a villain attack in the Hosu area.” The news anchor said. “The attack was brutal, damaging the city as buildings were burnt down in the struggle. Pro Heroes arrived at the scene to see total destruction created by one person, a villain who has called himself ‘Ashfall’. Citizens everywhere are left without a home as they watched their buildings burn down earlier this morning. Casualties from this event total now at—”
Katsuki snatched up the remote quickly, changing the channel.
“Following the earlier tragedy in Hosu this morning—”
Click
“This just in— an update to the horrible attack that killed—”
Click
“Hosu city is still recovering from the brutal events that took place earlier today—”
Katsuki clicked off the tv. Izuku's eyes were locked on the black screen, his brain now flooding with a whole different array of thoughts. “Put it back.” Izuku whispered.
“No.” Katsuki said simply as he stood up, “You got any board games here? Cards?”
Izuku turned to look at Katsuki, “Kacchan! Put it back on!”
“I said no.” Katsuki walked over to the bookshelf by the window, “What are you going to do? Listen about an attack that happened hours ago and beat yourself up about not knowing sooner?” Katsuki rolled his eyes, “Give it a rest Izuku.”
Izuku scoffed, looking away from Katsuki.
“Don’t be dumb, Izuku. There's nothing you or I could do that the heroes there aren't doing already.” Katsuki scanned the shelf, turning back to Izuku, “What do you have here?”
Izuku rolled his eyes, he knows all of that, he just hates being so damn useless while people out there still need a hero. His second year was supposed to be about growing into himself, building up his skills until he had them mastered and doing everything he could. Not laying in bed all day feeling sorry for himself as he hurled out every meal he ate.
“Well?” Katsuki questioned.
“I have cards in my room.” Izuku sighed. “Third drawer on my desk.”
Katsuki didn't say anything as he walked down the hallway. Izuku sighed again, leaning his elbow on the arm of the couch and resting his chin in his hand. He had a feeling there was about to be a long day ahead of him.
“I win!” Katsuki shouted as he threw his cards down on the table.
Izuku rolled his eyes as he gathered all of the cards into his hand, “You're cheating, I don't know how but you are.”
Katsuki grinned as he grabbed his drink, "Don't be a sore loser, Izuku. Just admit that you suck and I'm better than you.”
“Whatever.” Izuku mumbled as he slid the cards back into their box, “Can we do something else? We've been playing cards for hours.”
Katsuki sighed as he got up from his place on the floor, “You lose a few times and suddenly it's been hours.”
Izuku leaned back on his hands as Katsuki walked around the couch, “You're supposed to let the sick person win, I have cancer you know.”
Katsuki paused, his mouth opening in disbelief, “You did not just say that over a card game.”
Izuku bit his lip, “Too soon?”
Katsuki shook his head with a scoff as he walked over to the kitchen. Izuku got up to follow, “Kacchan, I’m bored.” He leaned against the doorway leading into the kitchen, “Can’t we do something else?” He whined.
Katsuki opened the fridge, grabbing a water bottle and cracking it open to take a sip, “Is my presence not fun enough for you?”
“That’s not it.” Izuku walked over to the fridge, opening it again to see what was inside, “Can’t we do something though? Being inside is boring.”
“You want to take a walk or something?”
Izuku slammed the fridge door shut, turning to look at Katsuki, “That’s a great idea, Kacchan! Why didn’t I think of that?” Izuku smiled as he walked away from the kitchen towards his room, “I’ll get dressed and we can go out right now.”
Katsuki called out as Izuku walked away, “You're not slick you know!”
Izuku turned around to see Katsuki shaking his head at the end of the hallway, “You're the best, Kacchan!”
Izuku bit his lip to hold back a laugh as Katsuki grumbled. He changed quickly in his room into a different shirt and a loose pair of jeans before he wandered back into the living room where Katsuki was waiting. Izuku jingled the house keys at Katsuki causing him to roll his eyes as he gestured to the front door, “Come on then.”
Izuku beamed at Katsuki as they both slid their shoes on and walked out, locking the door behind them. Katsuki let Izuku set the pace of the walk and stayed beside him, Izuku took a breath of the air and sighed, “I missed this.”
Katsuki had his hands stuffed in his pants pockets, “Walking?”
“I mean this,” Izuku gestured between them, “We used to take walks around the neighborhood all the time when we were younger, it kinda feels like we made a full circle.”
Katsuki frowned, staring straight ahead, “Yeah, but I was always about ten feet in front of you while you chased after me telling me to slow down.”
Izuku laughed, nodding his head, “I remember, you were always so far ahead of me.” Izuku glanced at Katsuki, feeling comfortable enough to lean over and nudge his shoulder, “Were you trying to ditch me purposely?”
Katsuki barely stumbled at the nudge, “Not all the time.”
Izuku bit his lip to hold back his laugh, “Oh, not all the time? Just most of the time then? What about the other times then?”
Katsuki smirked at Izuku, “Maybe I wanted to see if you could catch up to me.”
Izuku's smile grew, “Oh, it was a competition then?”
Katsuki's face went soft as he said, “Everything we do is a competition, Izuku.”
Izuku felt the mood grow slightly somber suddenly, "Don't you like competition?”
“I do,” Katsuki looked over to Izuku, their eyes meeting for a second before he looked away again, “But sometimes it's nice to slow down once in a while.”
Izuku hummed.
They walked down the path that took them closer to Dagobah beach, Izuku bumped his shoulder with Katsuki’s again, pointing at the beach, “Lets head in.”
Katsuki glanced over at the beach, following Izuku down the stairs and onto the sand, “The fact that this beach isn't filthy anymore still shocks me.”
Izuku smiled at the clean sand, “Makes all my hard work worth it.”
Katsuki raised a brow at him, “Your hard work? What the hell does that mean?”
Izuku gestured to the beach, “I cleaned this beach, it was part of my training with All Might.”
Katsuki stopped walking suddenly. Izuku took a few more steps before he noticed and looked back at him, “What? Why'd you stop?”
“ You cleaned this beach?” Katsuki asked incredulously.
Izuku looked around at the empty beach, nodding his head, “Yeah. Back in our third year of middle school. I had to clear this whole beach before the entrance exams.”
Katsuki lifted his hand up to the bridge of his nose, squeezing his eyes closed as he processed this new information, “Wait, wait, wait. All Might…made you clear this whole beach back when you weighed what, eighty pounds?”
Izuku felt annoyed at the comment, he did not weigh eighty pounds in middle school, that's just insulting. “I was like a hundred and twenty back then.”
Katsuki paused, dropping his hand slightly and giving Izuku a dry look, "That's being generous.”
Izuku rolled his eyes, “Okay maybe like a hundred and ten but that's as low as I'm going.”
Katsuki's nose scrunched, “Whatever, that's not the point. You cleaned this beach?”
“Yes.” Izuku huffed.
“That's…” Katsuki looked around at the sand, “Wow. I don't know what to say.”
Izuku turned around to keep walking, calling out to Katsuki, “You coming or what?”
Katsuki caught up in three big strides, walking next to Izuku without trying to gain any type of lead like he normally would've. The fact that it was a nice day with almost perfect weather made the walk even better. Izuku led them closer to the water where it was brushing against the sand, barely reaching their shoes.
Katsuki was walking closer to the edge of the water and Izuku glanced over at him, the most devious idea striking him suddenly as he watched the water splash next to him. Izuku bit his lip as he bumped into Katsuki, causing him to stumble slightly too close to the water.
“Sorry.”
Katsuki grumbled as he moved away from the splashes, "Aren't we walking too close to the water?”
“It's fine,” Izuku waved his concerns away, "It's easier to walk on compressed sand than loose sand.” Izuku turned to look at him, “Do you have your phone on you? I left mine.”
Katsuki raised a brow but didn't say anything as he dug his phone out of his pocket and handed it over. Izuku slid it into his pocket, “What about your wallet? Keys?”
Katsuki gave Izuku a weird look, digging the items out of his pockets but holding it in his hands, “Are you trying to rob me?”
Izuku grabbed the keys from the hand closest to him with a roll of his eyes, “Is it a robbery if you hand it over willingly?”
Katsuki clutched his wallet in his opposite hand, narrowing his eyes. “Why do you want it?”
Izuku reached over to tug the wallet out of Katsuki's hand, he didn't fight much as Izuku pulled it away, “Do you have anything else in your pockets?”
“No.”
“Good.”
Izuku walked slightly fast, just a step ahead and ‘accidentally’ walked into Katsuki path to try and make him stumble again. Katsuki paused just before he could trip over Izuku’s foot and glared at him, “Are you doing that on purpose?”
Izuku forced an innocent look on his face as he looked at Katsuki, “What do you mean, Kacchan?”
Katsuki looked at him suspiciously, “If you even think of trying to push me into the water I will bring you down with me.”
“Push? Who's trying to push anyone?” Izuku asked, trying and probably failing to hold back his grin.
Katsuki stepped back a step, “I don't like that look on your face.”
Izuku threw the fake innocence away and turned to face him, grin fully on display, “What look?”
Izuku stepped forward as Katsuki took another step back, “Izuku, don't even think about it.”
“But we're on the beach,” Izuku walked a little closer as Katsuki started backing up faster, “How can you go to the beach and not take a small dip?”
“You premeditated bastard.” Katsuki shouted as he started to book it down the opposite way, Izuku laughed loudly as he started to chase him.
It was honestly a losing battle on Izuku’s end, his stamina wasn't what it used to be. He slows down to a brisk walk before finally needing to take a break from the chase and lean his hands on his knees as he catches his breath.
“Hold on,” Izuku said as he huffed. He gripped his side when he started to feel a stitch in his side, he stood up straight walking towards where Katsuki finally stopped once he realized Izuku wasn't chasing him anymore.
“I can't run that fast, you win.” Izuku called out.
Katsuki grinned at him as he jogged back, “Ha, I think this is the second win of mine today.”
Izuku let Katsuki get close, the timing was almost too perfect as Katsuki placed a hand on Izuku’s waist to help steady him and a huge wave started to crash on the sand. Izuku placed his hands on Katsuki’s chest, pushing him back and watching with unhidden glee as he stumbled, falling on his ass just as the wave crashed onto the beach.
Katsuki's jaw dropped open in pure shock as the water crashed over his back, leaving him soaking wet. He wiped some salt water off of his face before shooting Izuku a mean glare, “You're so dead.”
Izuku backed away from the water as Katsuki stood up. He dug Katsuki’s phone out of his pocket, waving it around as he quickly tried to gain distance, “I have your phone, Kacchan.”
Katsuki stalked forwards without slowing down, Izuku stumbled as he tripped over the loose sand, turning around so he could see where he's going, “Kacchan, don't be dumb.”
“You started this.” Katsuki started to quickly gain speed, breaking out into a full on run as he chased Izuku up the sand hill.
Izuku huffed as his heart started to try and beat out of his chest, “Kacchan, no! I have your phone!”
It took barely a second before Katsuki caught Izuku, wrapping his arms around his waist as Izuku crouched down, excitable fear running through his system as he felt Katsuki wet shirt against his back. Izuku kicked as Katsuki picked him up, not really fighting as hard as he could be, but still calling out in panic, “No! Wait, my pockets are full. Wait, Kacchan!”
Katsuki pulled out both of their phones from Izuku’s pocket as he kicked the air in front of him. Izuku squirmed in Katsuki arms, screaming as much as he was laughing while Katsuki emptied his pockets into the sand and then ran full speed into the ocean.
He threw Izuku into the water, Izuku flailed in the air for less than a second before he splashed into the water, coming up quickly and wiping his face.
Katsuki laughed loudly as a wave pushed Izuku back down. His laugh was quickly cut off as Izuku grabbed onto Katsuki’s ankle in the process and pulled him down as another wave splashed over them, soaking them completely to the bone.
It took a while for them to get bored of dunking each other in the water before they finally found themselves sitting in the fluffy sand as they let the high afternoon sun start the drying process.
Izuku pressed on the screen of his phone, letting the time flash at him before he looked back at the water. “It’s already three.”
Katsuki laid flat on the sand next to Izuku, the sun glowing on his face brightly making his pale skin look like it was almost glowing in the light. “Auntie will be home soon.”
Izuku looked over at Katsuki, his eyes were closed with his hands clasped over his chest. “Yeah, we should head back.”
“Probably.”
Even though Katsuki said that, he made no effort to move from his position. Izuku let his gaze linger longer on him and his glowing skin until Katsuki finally peeked an eye open to look at him.
“What?”
Izuku looked away to the crashing waves, “You're getting so much sand in your hair laying like that.”
Katsuki hummed under his breath, “I’ll just take a shower when we get back.”
Izuku glanced back at him, “With whose clothes? You don’t have anything at my place.”
“With your clothes.”
“What?” Izuku laughed. “Why mine? We can just stop by your house so you can shower.”
Katsuki finally sat up a bit, leaning on his elbows as he looked at Izuku, “So you can wear my clothes but I can’t wear yours?”
Izuku spluttered, “When have I ever worn your clothes?”
Katsuki raised a brow, “My jeans?”
It took a second for Izuku to remember and even less time for his face to flush red at the remainder, “I don’t know how they ended up in my closet.”
Katsuki muttered something under his breath that almost sounded like a compliment of some kind but Izuku could barely hear what Katsuki said, he leaned closer to him, “What? I missed that.” He asked genuinely.
Katsuki waved his hand at Izuku’s face, causing sand to fly everywhere as he said, “Nothing. I want my jeans back.”
Izuku leaned back, “Oh, yeah. They're still at the dorms. You can take them, they probably don’t even fit me anymore anyways.”
Katsuki frowned at that, “What do you mean, they fit you fine.”
Izuku felt his face drop without his control, he looked away before Katsuki could see any hint of sadness, “That was before I changed treatments.”
Katsuki was silent and when Izuku peeked a glance back at him, he was looking at the way Izuku’s shirt, that once fit snugly, now hung loosely on him. Izuku adjusted the shirt, now aware of how the wet fabric stuck to his skin showing more than he was comfortable with.
“We should head back.” Katsuki said finally.
“Yeah.”
This time, they did get up, dusting as much sand off their bodies as they could before gathering their items and making their way off the beach.
The walk back was more quiet than before, there was an attempt to keep idle conversation before they gave up completely. After a quick stop by Katsuki’s house to grab a change of clothes for him, they made it back to the apartment, sun tired and covered head to toe in sand. Izuku, being the polite host that he is, let Katsuki shower first before getting in. By the time he came out, skin slightly damp under his clothes and a towel wrapped around his shoulders, Katsuki was already chopping vegetables and dumping them into a bowl.
“I thought we were supposed to do this together?” Izuku asked as he dropped his towel over a stool and walked next to Katsuki.
Katsuki dumped a handful of carrots into a bowl, “You took too long.”
Izuku rolled his eyes fondly as he grabbed the unopened bag of potatoes and dumped them into the sink, “It was only ten minutes.”
Katsuki didn’t say anything more, moving around Izuku and starting on something else while Izuku peeled the potatoes.
Unlike the walk back from the beach, this silence was considerably more comfortable as they worked around each other. Just like Katsuki said earlier, making curry was as uncomplicated as it gets. Izuku was able to easily catch on as Katsuki quietly gave him instructions on what to do.
The curry was basically ready after an hour, Katsuki clicked the stove off as he stuck a spoon into the pot, tasting it. He hummed at the pot and dipped the spoon back in, turning to Izuku to hold the spoon out to him, “Taste.”
“Isn’t it a cooking crime to double dip into food you're giving to other people?” Izuku teased as he walked over to grab the spoon.
Katsuki tutted at him, moving the spoon away from his grasp and holding it closer to his face, “It doesn’t count when it’s just family.”
Izuku’s heart genuinely fluttered in his chest.
“I can hold the spoon.”
“Just taste it, I don’t want you to spill it.” Katsuki jerked the spoon closer to his lips.
Izuku heard the locks on the front door click just as his lips were about to wrap around the spoon. He pulled away quickly as his mom opened the door, a tired expression on her face that lightened once she spotted them in the kitchen. “Oh! What is this? You made dinner.”
Izuku moved around Katsuki walking over to greet her, she was holding bags in both hands which Izuku quickly grabbed from her, “Hey, you stopped by the store?”
Inko huffed a laugh as she shrugged off her jacket, “Well no one told me dinner would be ready when I got home.”
Izuku set the bags onto the counter top as Inko walked into the kitchen, kissing Katsuki on the cheek in greeting and making her way to the fridge, “It smells lovely in here, Katsuki.”
“Surprisingly, it was mostly Izuku doing the cooking.” Katsuki commented as he stirred the pot.
Inko turned around with her eyes wide to look at Izuku as he started taking things out of the bags, “Really?! That is a surprise.”
Izuku took the eggs out of the bag, moving around his mom to add it to the growing collection, “Well don't act too surprised.” He grumbled.
Inko placed a hand against her cheek as she watched Izuku, “Honestly, I thought it was a lost cause. I've been trying to teach him to cook since forever, he just never took to the skill.”
Katsuki placed the spoon down on the edge of the sink, shrugging his shoulders, “He gets a bit impatient but he's not so bad.”
“I’m literally right here.” Izuku mumbled as he closed the fridge finally.
“Must be the teacher then,” Inko said lightly. “Maybe he just needed someone like you Katsuki to teach him, lord knows how long I've tried and failed.”
Izuku tried not to read too much into that comment as he shuffled his mom out of the kitchen, “Go sit, I'll serve your plate.”
“Such a gentleman.” Inko teased. She walked away, leaving Izuku with a look that told him she was up to something.
Izuku, deciding to keep his peace of mind for a little while longer, ignored the look and went to pull three plates out of the cupboard.
“Move, I got it.” Katsuki reached over Izuku’s head to grab the plates. Izuku flinched at the warm body heat against his back for a second, he moved to the side quickly, his heart attempting to beat out of his chest from the movement.
“Well, what am I supposed to do then?” Izuku frowned as Katsuki took over the kitchen in a second, serving the plates and gathering the utensils.
“Go sit down at the table.” Katsuki motioned for Izuku to leave.
“Okay.” Izuku decided to leave Katsuki to it, leaving the kitchen to go sit by his mom who was already sitting on the table on her phone, she looked up as Izuku dragged a chair out, setting her phone down, “So, Katsuki was here all day then? Did Ochako ever come over?”
Izuku sighed loudly as he sat down, glad to finally get off his feet, “No, she couldn't make it.”
“Well then, I'm glad I phoned Katsuki to come over.” Inko patted her phone lightly.
Izuku narrowed his eyes at her, leaning closer and lowering his voice to make sure Katsuki didn't overhear him, “Why did you call him? I said I would do it.”
“But you didn't." Inko said simply. “And I knew you wouldn't, you may think I don't notice things but I do.”
Izuku crinkled his face in confusion, “Notice things? What things?”
Inko's eyes brightened as she leaned in closer, “You know, you were so cute when you were younger, always chasing after poor Katsuki.”
Izuku's mind went blank at the sudden change in topic, he opened his mouth just for Inko to cut him off as she leaned back in her chair, “Katsuki let you, of course. He couldn't easily ignore you after all. Mitsuki once told me all about how he just could never shut up about you when he was younger, always Izuku did this and Izuku said that, you guys were so adorable.”
Izuku couldn't get a word in before Inko continued again, “It feels like it did back then, between you and Katsuki.”
Izuku finally cut in, “What do you mean?”
“You guys have grown so much since then,” Inko sighed as she placed her hand over Izuku’s, “You can tell me anything, Izuku. I won't be mad, quite the opposite actually.”
Izuku must be losing his mind, “Mom, what are you talking about?” He asked, feeling perplexed at this sudden shift.
“Don’t hold back on my account.” Inko said.
Izuku’s face was flushed red, “Mom!”
“What? I'm just making sure you know it's okay.” Inko gave his hand a comforting pat.
Izuku pulled his hand away, covering his face in embarrassment, “Please, just stop talking.”
Inko couldn't get another word in before Katsuki walked towards the table, setting a plate down in front of Inko first and then Izuku. Dinner went by fast after that, Katsuki left and an hour later Izuku was curled up in bed.
Sleep came easy to him, already feeling drained of the day's events. It was the staying asleep part that was almost torturous. The sheets were twisted up between Izuku’s legs as his body throb, each limb pulsing with a deep ache through to the bone. Izuku turned slowly to the other side, taking deep breaths as he moved around in his bed. His stomach turned in slow, cruel waves, just enough to keep him nauseous, but never enough to send him running to the bathroom.
Each time the wave passed and his eyes were finally fluttering closed again, another jolt of discomfort shot through him. He had pins and needles flooding through his hands and feet, causing him to clench his hands and kick his blankets further down the bed, just for him to pull them back and repeat the process.
He twisted in bed again, the desperate wish to just finally be allowed to drift off running through his mind. He pressed on his phone screen, squinting his eyes as the light flooded the dark room just to see the time flash back at him.
2:37
Izuku felt chills run down his spine, he pulled his covers back up and over his head, sleep coming to him in small doses throughout the rest of the night.
He must've at least gotten a few hours because the next time he kicked his covers off, the sun was shining brightly through his curtains causing him to squint in pain as his head throbbed at the light.
Izuku panted as he twisted in bed, the pillow was damp underneath his head, his sheets sticking to his skin as he rolled over. The sudden heat in his body was sharp and suffocating, one moment he was peacefully asleep and the next he felt as if ants were crawling on his skin, leaving trails of fire burning in their wake. He pressed his hand to his forehead, his skin hot and clammy, he felt like he was laying inside an oven.
His door opened a crack, his mom peeking her head in slightly, tired half asleep eyes barely scanning him before turning away. Izuku shifted again as he croaked out, “Mom.”
Inko turned back, pushing the door open more with a frown on her lips, “I thought you were sleeping, it's only five.” She walked further into the room, glancing at his sweat laced skin with concern, before sitting at the edge of his bed, “Are you feeling okay?”
Izuku panted, feeling breathless as she placed a cool, dry hand over his forehead. He sighed in relief, grabbing onto her wrist to keep her cool fingers on his face a little longer. “You're burning up, Izuku.”
“I'm okay. I'm just hot.” Izuku mumbled.
“You're not okay,” Inko ran her hand down the side of his face, “Would you like a bath? To cool you down?”
Izuku hummed, whining as she pulled her hand away from his face. Inko stood up, "I'll be right back.”
Izuku breathed out loudly, pulling the pillow out from under his head and sighing at the cool sheets that laid underneath them. When Inko came back it was with a wet rag that she ran over his face and down his neck, “Can you get up?”
Izuku held his body still for a moment, mentally preparing himself for the effort to sit up before he actually did it. His head throb with newfound pain as the room spin around him, Inko gripped his hand tightly in hers as she helped him stand up and then slowly walk over to the bathroom.
The floor was ice cool on his bare feet, the water already running and slowly filling up the bathtub. Izuku leaned against the wall to steady himself as Inko ran her hand through the water and then turned off the faucet.
She helped Izuku pull off his sweat slicked shirt and he stopped her before she could attempt to help with his pants too, “I got it, mom.”
“Are you sure? I can stay just in case.” Inko said worriedly.
“I think I grew out of the age where it's acceptable for my mom to help me bathe.” Izuku teased tiredly.
Inko gave up, instead deciding to keep her hands busy with the wet rag as Izuku pushed her out of the bathroom, “Will you be okay?” She asked.
“I’ll be fine, mom.” Izuku closed the door gently, undressing all the way before slowly lowering himself into the water. He breathed a sigh in relief, the heat slowly bleeding from his body like ink dispersing in the cool water. His pulse slowed.
He pushed the water around, wiping the sweat from his shoulders and neck as he finally felt relaxed for the first time all night. The clamminess eased and his mind went quiet, he let his head fall back to rest of the porcelain of the tub, the only sound in the room was the faint dripping of the faucet.
As it always is with Izuku, relief didn't last long. Eventually the water cooled too much and Izuku was left shivering. Months of chemo left his skin delicate under any slight change, he climbed out of the tub, wrapping a towel around his body to attempt to fight off the sudden breeze he felt in the room.
Izuku sighed tiredly as he quickly made his way back to his room and threw on some clothes, making sure he grabbed his thickest sweats he owned. The worst part of chemotherapy was the bad days. It felt like he had a mix of the flu and a stomach virus and he wished desperately to turn back time to just yesterday when he had the energy to run through the sand with Katsuki chasing him underneath the afternoon sun.
It was clear to him that his mom had changed his sheets while he bathed. He laid down in his fresh bed, pulling the covers back over his wet hair and wished for a third time that sleep would just take him away.
Notes:
I kinda went out of the country for a vacation and didn't account for the fact that I might not have any internet access the whole time I was there and wouldn't be able to write or post this chapter.
Oops?
Anyways with that out the way here it is chapter 13. I actually added an edit into the first chapter notes to say that now I have added what month these chapters are taking place in just to give you guys a general timeline to follow. It completely didn't cross my mind at all until now.
Anyways officially the Timeline goes like this: April: Chapters 1-4, May: Chapter 5, June: Chapters 6-11, July: Chapters 12-14.
So far that's all I have for you guys since I don't have anything past chapter 14 written currently, but this is gonna go on until September making it 6 months for Izuku. You can ask questions about the current timeline if it confuses you in the comments and I'll try to answer them as best as I can.
That's all for now, I hope you enjoyed this chapter, I made it a little longer to make up for being dumb. I'll see everyone next time or in the comments. Toodles! <33
Chapter 14: Flickers of golden light
Summary:
Etherness n.
Pronounced /eth-er-nis/
“The wistful feeling of looking around a gathering of loved ones, all too aware that even though the room is filled with warmth and laughter now, it won’t always be this way—that the coming years will steadily break people away into their own families, or see them pass away one by one, until there comes a time when you’ll look back and try to imagine what it felt like to have everyone together in the same place.”
Chapter Text
The break seemed to fly by for Izuku and not in a good way. He spent his time laying in bed or curled over the toilet throwing up any hints of substance he's consumed that day. By the time he felt even slightly better that he could start trying to eat more heavy foods or entertain guests, there were only three days out of his almost two weeks of break left before classes started up again.
For the first time in days, Izuku had finally woken up this morning without the dizzy blur at the edges of his vision. When he sat up from bed, he didn't feel his head throb with a headache and he didn't even stumble as he got out of bed. It should've felt like a victory after spending a week in bed. It should've felt like a relief.
Instead, Izuku just felt empty.
Izuku could hear his mother in the kitchen, the sounds of pots and dishes clinking echoes around the house breaking the silence of the morning air. Izuku glanced at his phone, peeking at the time and catching the date in the process.
6:32 am, 15th of July.
He noticed all the unopened messages that seemed to fill up his screen starting from midnight, all of them from different classmates and all of them wishing him a happy birthday.
Izuku scrolled through the messages, not even bothering to open any of them before he sighed and threw his phone face down on his bed. He laid back down, pulling the blankets back over his body, clenching them tightly in his grip. He just wanted to hide away today. The thought of having to actually do anything today was almost unbearable.
He knew people would want to see him and everyone would wish him a happy birthday, expecting him to just smile and thank them. But, Izuku didn't want a party, and he definitely didn't want to be the reason for a party to be had. He felt like any minute his nausea would return in full force, like he was one wrong move away from being sent down another downward spiral of sickness and agony.
A soft knock rang from the door before his mom pushed it open, “Hey,” She walked in, running her hand over his forehead and through his hair as she sat down at the edge of his bed, “Happy birthday, baby. How are you feeling?”
“Better. I feel better.” Izuku hesitated, his throat felt tight as he spoke, “Just not birthday better.”
His words hung in the air, swirling around them in a fragile truth he normally wouldn't speak. Inko's face dropped, her fingers pausing in his hair as she let out a sigh. Izuku hated the feeling of disappointing someone, and he hated the way their faces fell for a second before they covered it up again.
Inko pushed a smile onto her face, her hand falling away from him, “Do you want breakfast? I made your favorite.”
Izuku's eyes burned. He turned around, staring out his window so he didn't have to see his mom put on a smile for his sake. “Maybe later.”
Inko didn't say anything for a moment, the quiet stifling around them until she got up causing the springs of the bed to squeak, “Okay. I'll check on you a little later then. Get some more sleep.”
The door closed with a low click and Izuku was left alone again to wallow. He shifted until he was flat on his back, staring at the ceiling. Just the sounds of the morning birds outside his window and his breathing filling the room. All the noises he heard earlier in the kitchen were now cut off, his words officially killing any liveliness in the house.
He stared at the ceiling until his vision started to blur, his eyes stinging with tears threatening to spill over. He didn't want a party. He didn't . But, Izuku couldn't stand this hollow reminder that he was supposed to want it. He should want a party with a cake and gifts. He should want to be surrounded by everyone he loves and who loves him back.
Today was supposed to matter . It should mean something to him.
He just couldn't see it.
Izuku was finally 18 years old. A legal adult in all things that matter and yet he didn't feel any different. He didn't feel special at all. He felt like he was dying.
Just a day closer to his death than he was yesterday.
The thought coiled in his chest, tightening around his heart and lungs until he couldn't take it anymore and finally broke. He let out a shaky exhale, tears spilling from his eyes and into his hair. He turned, pulling his pillow from under his head into his arms, hugging it tight to his chest like holding it would somehow help him hold himself together.
He laid like that for a while, tears silently falling down his cheeks until they pool into a wet spot on his sheets. Izuku cleared his throat, whispering, “Happy birthday to me.”
The words fell flat in the silence of his room. Saying it out loud didn't make him feel any better at all.
“Get up!”
Izuku groaned, woken up suddenly as the lights in his room turned on. He rolled over, pulling the covers over his head as Katsuki marched into the room, his voice booming loudly.
“Nu-uh, none of that.” The blanket was yanked off Izuku. He curled his legs close to attempting to keep any body heat he could as the cold air of his room suddenly hit him. “Get up, we got places to go, things to do today.”
Izuku pulled his pillow over his face to hide from the light. Katsuki ripped it from his hands as well and Izuku just sighed in annoyance, “Who even let you in here?”
“Your mom, it's already nine and you're not even out of bed.” Katsuki grabbed Izuku’s arms, pulling him until he was sitting up. “You're a mess and you need to not be in about…” Katsuki paused, “Twenty minutes. Let's go.”
Izuku whined, “Why?”
“Because we have a reservation for brunch in about an hour and it takes at least thirty minutes to get there.” Katsuki pushes him out of bed, throwing a pile of clothes in his arms and redirecting him out of his room. Izuku barely had his eyes open as he walked into the bathroom, the cold floor making him hiss as he walked across it bare foot.
Izuku set the clothes down in the sink, his face scrunching up as his brain finally registered the words Katsuki said, “Wait, reservation? Since when?”
“Since I called the restaurant and made it, now shower you have nineteen minutes left.” Katsuki slammed the bathroom door leaving Izuku stunned and cold.
Izuku did as he was told, turning the water on to as hot as it got and took his time washing his hair and body, letting the water wash his sweat down the drain and the steam relax his muscles. By the time he got out and was dressed, Izuku felt infinitely better than he did earlier.
Katsuki was laying on the bed when Izuku got back to the room. He got up just as Izuku was spreading his towel over the back of his chair, “Good, you're out. Sit down.”
Izuku took a seat in his desk chair as Katsuki started to dig around in a bag. He pulled out multiple items, dropping them haphazardly on the desk before he stood behind Izuku. Izuku frowned at all the creams and gels on his desk as Katsuki ran a brush through his hair, “What is all of this?”
“Today is going to be the day we finally conquer this hair of yours.” Katsuki said as he pulled the brush through his curls. Even with his hair falling out steadily, Izuku still had a lot of it no matter how much seems to come out, sooner or later it would all be gone but for now he still had it on his head and that means it hurt like a bitch when Katsuki’s brush got caught in a knot, “Ouch, Kacchan.” Izuku's head was yanked back as the brush pulled on his hair, he reached an arm out and rubbed the sore spot, “Is this really necessary?”
“Todays your birthday and that means it's necessary.” Katsuki said.
Izuku sighed, letting Katsuki do as he pleased, losing the will to argue with him. He brushed Izuku’s hair until it was smooth of all knots, leaning over to grab a jar from the desk and applying that to his hair. Izuku closed his eyes and relaxed into the chair as Katsuki ran his hands through Izuku’s hair, his fingers gently combing out any lingering knots before he grabbed more bottles and started to lightly scrunch up the curls.
When he was done, he took a step back and hummed in approval. “Lets hope that holds, I don't really have time to do the whole drying part so air dry it is.” Katsuki dried his hands on the towel Izuku left on the chair before he started packing up the products back into his bag, holding it out for Izuku, “This is for you, now you have no excuses.”
Izuku bit his lip as he grabbed the bag, “Thanks.”
Katsuki gathered his stuff from the bed, looking at a watch on his wrist, “Alright lets go, we can just barely make it if we leave now.”
Katsuki was like a whirlwind, Izuku was rushed out of his room and into his shoes. Somehow his jacket and keys were thrust into his hands as Katsuki waved bye to Inko before rushing them out. Izuku didn't even get to say bye as he was directed out of the building and into a car that was waiting for them.
The door slammed closed behind Katsuki and the car was already moving when Izuku remembered, “Wait! My phone! And I don't even have my wallet!”
Katsuki lifted his hips from the seat as he dug in his pocket, pulling out Izuku’s phone, wallet and even his headphones. Izuku's lips parted as he was handed his items, “Thanks.”
Izuku fiddled around with his phone for a moment, “So where are we going?”
“I told you, I made a reservation.” Katsuki texted on his phone as he answered.
Izuku bit his lip as he turned to look out the window, watching the road fly by taking them further into the city until Katsuki broke the silence, “Right here is good.”
Izuku watched as Katsuki handed the driver some money and was leading Izuku out of the car. Izuku paused in front of the restaurant, he stared at the polished look of the outside and suddenly felt under dressed even though Katsuki was standing next to him in a similar laid back outfit.
“This is it?” Izuku asked, feeling faint.
Katsuki held his arm as he walked them into the front doors, “It doesn't look as stifling inside, come on.”
Katsuki walked over to the hostess, giving his last name before he dragged Izuku along as the hostess led them to their seats. Looking around the restaurant from the inside had Izuku realizing Katsuki was right, the whole place gave off a rather homey ambiance and nothing like the exterior would suggest.
They made it to their table and Katsuki pulled out a chair and looked towards Izuku, he didn't even notice as he walked around Katsuki to the other side of the table, sitting down and glancing around the restaurant. Katsuki sighed loudly as he jerked the chair further out and sat down, rolling his eyes, “I forgot who I was with.”
Izuku turned back to look at him, “Hmm? What does that mean?”
“Nothing,” Katsuki waved his hand at Izuku and picked up the menu. Izuku copied him and started to look through the options, he wasn't really feeling up to eating anything.
Izuku set the menu down, glancing around the area once more just to take his mind off the fact that his stomach was twisting and turning the longer he sat there, the smell of food strong in the air. The restaurant was elegant without feeling stiff. Golden lights filtered through hanging lanterns above them, soft enough to blur the sharp edges of the outside and left you feeling like you just walked into a whole new world. Crystal glasses on the tables caught the glow of the light like little stars, but in the corners of the room there were shelves of books and potted plants, framed family photos filled with laughter littered the walls, mixed with the sound of quiet chatter from the other guests.
It was nice. If Izuku was brought here by anyone else, he would've thought this was the perfect date spot.
Katsuki wasn't the type to do that, or at least from what Izuku knows he isn't. Who knows, maybe Katsuki was a secret romantic. Izuku looked back at Katsuki, the thought running through his head but he dismissed it, there was just no way.
“Are we ready over here?” A waitress popped up next to the table. Izuku was startled at their appearance, grabbing his menu quickly as Katsuki set him down, "I'm ready.”
Izuku ignored them as he glanced at the options, it was a more americanized restaurant with options that suited it, meaning Izuku had no idea what he was really looking at. He couldn't really tell if he would like anything here besides a steak, but there was no way he was eating a steak .
Not only was it barely noon, but he couldn't even hold down water in his stomach. It just wasn't an option.
“Okay, I'll be right back with your guys drinks.” The waitress grabbed the menus and walked away, stuffing their notebook into their apron.
Izuku's hands were suddenly empty as the menu was just taken away, he looked over to Katsuki in shock. Katsuki just picked up his glass of water, “I ordered for you, don't worry.”
Izuku furrowed his brow as he watched Katsuki take a sip of his water, he could see every individual gulp go down his throat, making his own throat suddenly feel dry. Izuku picked up his water and took a sip.
“How did you know what I would want?” Izuku said as he set his glass back down.
“I know you as well as the back of my hand, Izuku.” Katsuki rolled his eyes at him. “Its not like we didn't spend every moment together since childhood.”
Izuku hummed. Even if Izuku could agree with that, he has a hard time believing Katsuki could know his taste that well.
Izuku dropped it anyway, changing the subject entirely, “Who are you waiting for?”
Katsuki glanced up at him, crinkling his brows, “What?”
“You keep looking at your phone, I thought you were waiting for someone to text you.” Izuku motioned to the phone currently in Katsuki's hand.
Katsuki glanced down at the phone before locking it and setting it face down on the table, “No one.”
“Okay then.” Izuku said awkwardly. The conversation died out after that, the next time Katsuki picked up his phone to glance at a text, Izuku said nothing. It was weird sitting across from Katsuki and not having a thousand things to talk about to fill the silence. They've been alone tons of times in the past but recently Izuku wished there was some kind of buffer between them, someone else around just so he could be distracted from his pounding heart.
It didn't get much better even after the food arrived. Izuku felt like there was a pit in his stomach that made even looking at the food hard to do, even if it was exactly to his taste like Katsuki said it would be. Katsuki didn't comment much during the meal and after he was done, he just had the rest of Izuku’s food packed up and they left the restaurant.
Being outside was better, Izuku used the crowded sidewalk as a distraction, slipping between people and listening to other conversations was a better use of his time as Katsuki walked next to him, his fingers flying over his phone screen as he texted and walked.
Izuku paused as he waited for Katsuki to catch up, “Are we going back now?”
Katsuki looked up from his phone, “No, there's somewhere else we have to go.”
Izuku resisted from sighing as he watched Katsuki click his teeth at his phone, “Is everything okay?”
Katsuki closed his eyes as he took a breath, he clicked his phone off and shot Izuku a tensed grin, “Yup, everything's fine. Just some idiots."
“We can come back another day.” Izuku said. Honestly, he didn't understand why Katsuki was forcing himself to stay out when it was clear that he was distracted.
“No!” Katsuki shouted. He cleared his throat, “No, it better to do it today.”
Izuku bit his lip as he looked around, “Okay, then. Perhaps we should move from the middle of the sidewalk? Where are we going?”
Katsuki looked around the block, Izuku watched him make a full circle before he suddenly grabbed his wrist and started walking back from where they came. Katsuki walked past the restaurant and then down another block before he stopped in front of a store.
Izuku looked at the name before turning to Katsuki, “Boba? This is where we had to go so badly?”
“You love this stuff.” Katsuki said simply as he opened the door and gestured for Izuku to walk in. Izuku walked straight to the menu, staring at all the options before asking, “What are you getting?”
Katsuki was back to looking at his phone, but he grunted at Izuku’s question, “Nothing, You know I don't drink this sweet shit.”
Izuku turned around with a grin, “I bet I could order you a drink that you'll love.”
Katsuki raised his brow as he glanced up, “You sure you wanna play that game?”
Izuku looked back at the menu, "It's not like we haven't spent every moment together since childhood.” Izuku pointed at a drink on the menu, glancing back at Katsuki and fluttering his lashes as he teased, “I bet I know you as well as the back of my own hand.”
Katsuki's ears flushed as he looked away, “Whatever. I doubt it.”
Izuku took the challenge and walked over to the counter to place the order. Katsuki was leaning against a table when Izuku made it back with the recipe, he set his phone down, reaching for the receipt. Izuku pulled it away and tutted his tongue at him, “Nope, you'll just have to wait until the drinks are ready.”
Katsuki narrowed his eyes at him, reaching for the receipt again. Izuku bit his lip as a grin threatened to escape, holding the paper just out of reach. Katsuki’s eye glanced at the unspoken challenge and he jerked the table to the side as he basically all but leaped at Izuku.
“Kacchan! We’re in public, stop!” Izuku called out as he stuffed the receipt into his pocket. Katsuki gripped the loops of Izuku’s jeans as he pulled him back towards him. “Stop sneaking paper inside your pocket like it's a damn love note.”
Izuku laughed, “What?”
Katsuki opened his mouth to reply, but the sound of his phone dinging on the table stopped him. He let go of Izuku and went to check on the new notification. Izuku’s smile dimmed as he let out a little sigh.
Izuku tried his best to ignore the way his chest tightened as he went to get the drinks once they were ready. He placed Katsuki’s drink on the table in front of him and waited until he looked up again to talk, “Taste it.”
Katsuki eyed the drink suspiciously as he set his phone down. He popped the straw into the lid and mixed the liquid around before taking a sip. Just as Izuku suspected, once Katsuki got the first sip down his eyes lit up with a twinkle that meant he was pleasantly surprised.
“What is this?” Katsuki asked.
Izuku held back his grin, he sipped on his drink, smacking his lips together before answering, “Frozen oreo mocha milkshake.”
Katsuki hummed as he took another sip, he gathered his things and started to walk out the door. Izuku bit his lip as he followed, “Should I take this as a sign that I was right?”
“Shut up.”
Izuku snickered in his hand, “Do you like it?”
Katsuki licked his lips, staring at the label on the cup, "It's not the worst thing I've ever drunk.”
Izuku bumped his hip into Katsuki’s as they walked, “And you doubted my knowledge.”
“Yeah, yeah.” Katsuki rolled his eyes, “You're a creepy stalker, I should've remembered that before making a bet with you.”
“Says the person who knows my taste in food without even me knowing what I would want.” Izuku replied.
Katsuki ignored the comment, looking at his phone he said, “We should head back now.”
Izuku frowned, but he didn't say anything as he nodded his head. They walked to the nearest train station, it only took a few stops before they were back to their neighborhood and walking back towards Izuku’s apartment.
Izuku stood in front of his building, turning to Katsuki, “Well…this was fun.”
Katsuki raised his brow at him, "I'm going up with you. Your mom wanted to give me something.”
“Oh.” Izuku frowned and checked his phone. His mom hadn't even texted him since they left in the morning, but she was texting Katsuki? Izuku walked into the building with Katsuki right behind him, the stairs were torture to go up after a hours of walking around, but Izuku made it without too many breaks.
He pulled out his keys, sticking them inside the lock and twisting it open. The place was dark and quiet when Izuku walked in, he turned back to Katsuki with a frown, "Didn't you say my mom was here?”
He kicked off his shoes by the entrance and walked further into the apartment, he flicked the lights on. He flinched back when a loud yell of surprise! echoed through the apartment. A sea of similar faces filled the room as confetti popped through the air. Izuku felt his stomach drop as he looked back at Katsuki, “What is this?”
Katsuki had a large grin on his face as he walked over, “It's your birthday party.” Katsuki leaned in close, his mouth brushing against Izuku’s ear as he whispered, “Happy birthday Izuku.”
Izuku's face went a deep shade of red.
He couldn't say anything as he was pulled away from Katsuki, suddenly surrounded by his whole class. Everyone wanted to greet Izuku, he was passed around from person to person as they each hugged him, grinning ear to ear as they wished him a happy birthday.
Izuku looked around, the room was filled with colorful balloons and a huge banner that said, Happy 18th Birthday Izuku!!! Izuku felt guilty looking at all the time spent decorating the place, he spotted Tenya off to the side and almost sighed in relief at the chance of a distraction as he walked over to him with a smile, “I thought you were standing in the mountains for all of a break.”
Tenya pulled him into a hug, “Well I was, but not for the whole break. I couldn't miss your party.”
Ochako slid up next to them, “He got back last week, did I forget to mention that when you called?” Izuku rolled his eyes at her when she burst out laughing, pulling him into yet another hug. “Happy birthday, Deku!”
When she pulled away she threw a light punch against Izuku’s shoulder, he gasped at her in shock, “What? What was that for?!”
“For stressing us all out! You know how hard it was for Katsuki to keep texting us that you wanted to go back every few seconds! I wanted to strangle him, how hard is it to keep one person distracted?” Ochako whined but she wasn't too upset as she wrapped an arm over Izuku’s shoulders. “That poor boy had it rough today.”
Izuku looked back at Katsuki, “Is that why he was on his phone the whole time?”
Ochako nodded at him and Izuku forced a laugh, “I thought he just didn't want to be there, not that he was getting updates for a secret party.”
Izuku jumped when he felt a poke on his side, Ashido grinned at him from the side as she joined them with the other boys. Kaminari jumped into the conversation as he said, “So what I'm hearing is we can all blame Katsuki for being a bad distraction.”
Ashido laughed, “I don't know how he was so bad! He was literally the best person to do it.”
Izuku titled his head, a smile on his face, “Why was he the best one? Anyone could've gotten me out of the house for a few hours.”
Ashido bit her lip, glancing over at Katsuki for a minute before looking back at Izuku, “He just is.”
Izuku watched Ochako's lip tremble as if she was trying to hold back a laugh, “Uh huh. Is he now?”
He looked between them, not understanding the silent discussion happening until Ochako leaned over to whisper to him, “She knows something.”
Izuku whipped his head to her, “What does that mean?”
Ochako pinched his arm, “Lower your voice.” She pulled him to the side a little, “She definitely knows more than she's letting on, I can tell.”
Izuku couldn't bear to see whatever expression Ashido had on her face as he raised his hands to cover his own face, “This is a mess.”
“Izuku! Honey, come here!” Mitsuki called from behind him. Izuku dropped his hands and left his friends to make his way over to the group of adults huddled around. Mitsuki pulled him into a tight hug, twisting him around as she squeezed him, “Happy birthday sweetheart. I missed you!”
“You saw him the other day dear.” Masaru said as he ran his hand over Izuku’s back in greeting.
“I know that!” Mitsuki said as she pulled away. She held Izuku’s face in her hands, “When are you coming over next? I saw this new recipe for some desserts that I need you to try.”
Izuku's face was smushed, his voice coming out weird as he spoke, "I'll try to come real soon, auntie.”
Mitsuki pulled him into another hug, “I freaking love you. You give me such bad, cute aggression.”
Izuku raised his eyebrows in concern as Masaru pulled him away from Mitsuki’s grip, “You're gonna break him, dear. Let him go.”
Izuku managed to get away as Masaru held his wife back, his mom smiled at him as he came back to her side. She ran her fingers through his hair as she asked, “How are you feeling? Better?”
Izuku held back a sigh as he smiled at her, “Yeah, I'm feeling better.”
“Do you like the party?” She asked.
Izuku looked around the room at everyone, at all the colorful decorations and the smell of food that drifted from the kitchen. He turned back to his mom, she looked around proudly and waited for his reaction.
So Izuku smiled back. A touch too wide and definitely a little shaky, but it did the job.
“I love it.” He didn't have to force the breathlessness but he added some wonder into his voice as he said, “I didn't even see it coming.”
Her face lit up with joy as she sighed in relief, “Oh good. I was hoping you would say that, I was worried after what you said this morning that this party was a bad idea!”
Izuku sucked in a quick breath, “Nope! All good.”
Inside, Izuku could feel the weight of everything press down on him. The noise, the crowd, the spotlight—it wasn't what he wanted at all. He didn't even have the heart or voice to speak up as he looked at all the effort put into this, all he could do was force a grin on his face and swallow the truth down.
After a few hours, Izuku needed to get away from the crowd for a bit, his face felt stiff and his jaw hurt from how long he had to smile and chat with everyone. He opened the door leading to the roof of his building, taking a breath of air and letting the tension from his shoulder ease.
He walked over to the edge of the building where he could see his whole neighborhood. He stood silently, just watching the sun dip under until it was just slightly hidden behind some buildings. Izuku shivered as the breeze became colder, flinching as he heard the door open again behind him.
“This is where you run off too?” Katsuki asked as he closed the door behind him. Izuku glanced back at him before looking at the setting sun again. “It's peaceful here.”
Katsuki walked over to him, “What are you thinking about?”
Izuku hummed, “Thank you, Kacchan.” Izuku turned to look at him. “For the party, I mean. I loved it.”
Katsuki rubbed the back of his neck as he stood next to Izuku. “It wasn't a big deal.”
Izuku disagreed. The effort it took to plan this whole thing was a big deal, but Izuku wished that he could just see it for what it is and not look into any deeper meaning— like this possibly being his last birthday he got to celebrate. Izuku hid behind a smile and said, “It was. I can't remember the last time I had a party for my birthday.”
Katsuki was standing right next to Izuku, he knocked his shoulder into Izuku’s as he looked back at the setting sun. As if Katsuki could read his mind, he said, “It won't be the last.”
Izuku’s smile dimmed at those words, he looked away with a sigh. This should have been one of the happiest days for Izuku in a long time. It wasn't just the fact that he had a party, It was the people. Everyone came to celebrate with him, they threw this whole thing behind his back just to surprise him.
Izuku didn't want to think about all the things he had to lose. He just wanted to stay here at this moment and never leave, but it was hard to drag his mind away from the dark thoughts clouding it.
The sky was slowly getting darker the longer they stood there, an easy silence hummed between them. Katsuki tapped on Izuku’s arm and pointed at something across the sky, “Look.” He broke the silence as he turned to look at Izuku, “Shooting star.”
Izuku turned just in time to catch a glimpse of the star shooting across the sky, his mouth opening as he saw the glow of white streak across the red of the setting sun.
“Did you make a wish?” Katsuki asked.
Izuku kept his eyes locked on the place where the star disappeared, “I didn't have time.”
“You still can.” Katsuki said. Izuku looked over at him, the last of the sun’s glow shining over his face as it slowly dimmed around them. It made Katsuki look soft in a way that scared Izuku. “Close your eyes and make a wish.”
Izuku’s eyes flickered around Katsuki's face as he whispered, “I don't know what to wish for.”
Katsuki leaned forward slightly, Izuku didn't even notice the lessening distance between them until he realized there wasn't anything left separating them but a single step. “You don't have to know, just whatever comes to mind.”
Izuku’s eyes glancing down to Katsuki’s lips and back up just as quickly. He locked his gaze with Katsuki’s as he whispered, “So, I just close my eyes and make a wish?”
The heat coming off of Katsuki made the cool breeze surrounding them feel like nothing. Izuku almost wanted to take a step back, to bring back that distance that kept them safe.
“Just close your eyes, and make a wish Izuku.” Katsuki’s voice softened, “Anything you want.”
Izuku took a breath, letting his eyes close. He felt Katsuki close that inch of distance, he could hear a slight uptick in his breath as he moved closer. The air felt so heavy around them, filled to the brim with an eclectic current so strong, it threatened to push Izuku closer until he could finally feel a brush of skin touching him.
But he didn't move. He didn't move his body not even an inch as Katsuki’s forehead nearly pressed against his, leaning in so close that Izuku could feel the ghost of Katsuki’s breath touch his lips. His heart was pounding in his chest, his fingers reached forward, brushing against the clothing separating their skin.
“Did you make your wish?” Katsuki whispered.
Izuku held his breath as he opened his eyes, they were so close. Barely a millimeter away from touching. Izuku could see every lash on Katsuki’s eyes as they brushed against his cheeks. The millions of different shades of red that made up his eyes.
Izuku could see everything and it made him want to lean in even more. Just a slight push up on his toes and they would be kissing. It felt so easy to just take that small step and see what happens next.
Izuku looked up at Katsuki from under his lashes, “I wish that…”
The door to the roof banged open. Izuku jumped away, pulling his hands back to himself as he turned to see who opened the door. “Mom?”
Inko glanced over to them, wrapping her sweater tighter over her body, “There you boys are, I've been searching everywhere.”
Izuku’s face was red as he glanced back at Katsuki. He walked over to his mom, “Why, what's wrong.”
Inko waved her hand at him, “Nothing wrong, but you can't really have a birthday party without the birthday boy around. Who’s going to blow out the candles?”
Izuku huffed out a breath of air, “Oh, right. We should go do that, I'm sure everyone wants some cake already.”
Her eyes were twinkling with joy as she looked back and forth between them. “Why are you out here anyways?” Inko adjusted her sweater, holding back a smile as she said,, “It's so cold tonight, come inside. You too, Katsuki.”
Izuku bit his lip as Katsuki walked past him, grabbing Inko’s shoulder as he led her inside, “It is cold, Auntie. Let's go in.”
Inko didn't say anything as she let Katsuki lead her in, but Izuku saw the grin burst over her face the second she thought her face was hidden from view.
Katsuki held the door, looking back at Izuku, “You coming?”
Izuku blew out a breath, his whole body sagging as he softly whispered, “Yeah.” He looked back over to where the sun was setting, finding it fully gone now as the stars slowly started to glittering over the sky. Like nothing happened at all.
“I’m coming.” Izuku turned back to the door, letting it slam close behind him.
—
The lights were off in the apartment when Izuku walked in. He closed the door behind him, sliding his shoes off and making his way blindly towards the living room.
When he turned the corner, he finally spotted a flicker of light. He saw Ochako first, the soft glow of fire lighting up her face as she walked over to him with a smile holding the cake with two candles lit up in the middle showing the number 18 even through the darkness.
Voices broke out in union, everyone's voices stumbling over the words as they started to sing the first notes of Happy Birthday . There was happy laughter and clapping filling up the room. Izuku froze, his eyes wide as Ochako walked closer to him, holding the cake up until it was in front of him.
The singing was messy, no one was in tune and the words were everywhere. Izuku winces at the harsh loudness of it all but he can't deny that even with all its flaws, it was perfect.
His face flushed from the fire of the candles. He felt something warm curling in his chest making it ache, every negative emotion was still there, and Izuku doesn't think they will ever go away, but in this moment he could forget about it all. He could forget all of his problems weighing on him and just enjoy the horrible singing of everyone he loves.
Izuku bit his lip as he held back a smile, the last notes of the song ending leaving everyone holding their breaths as they waited for Izuku to blow out his candles. Izuku leaned in, closing his eyes and letting the moment wash through him.
He wished it could be like this forever. Pure blissful joy that had everything else melting away into the background. He wants to freeze time, capture it into a crystal ball and hold it in his hands and never let it go. Never let the memories fade away from the harsh reality of time.
He inhaled a breath, holding it in his chest, and then blew it out. The candles flickered as they died, drowning the room in darkness as everyone cheered around him.
The lights turned on and Izuku laughed at the stupidly wide grin Ochako was giving him. He grabbed the cake from her hands, set it down on the table and pulled her into a tight hug.
Ochako sighed into him, her arms wrapping around his body as she breathed out a quiet, “Happy birthday, Deku.”
“Thank you.” Izuku mumbled into her hair as she pulled away. His mom was right behind her, pulling him into a hug and crying into his shoulder, "I'm so happy. My baby, finally eighteen.”
Izuku rolled his eyes but couldn't hide the happy grin on his face as he rubbed her back, “ Nothing's different mom. I'm still the same, just a number higher.”
Inko pulled away, wiping her face, “I know, I know. It's just that…” She paused, her face falling slightly as she pulled him back into another hug, "I'm just happy you made it to eighteen.”
Izuku’s heart broke in his chest. This party was for him as much as it was for everyone else and to think just this morning, he didn't even want it. Izuku held her tighter, “I'm right here mom. I'm not going anywhere.”
Izuku looked at Katsuki, he stood just slightly behind Inko with a sad look on his face. Izuku knew he had heard everything as cleared his throat and he gently placed a hand on Inko’s back. He put on an easy going expression as he said to the room, “Anyone want cake?”
The room burst out into cheers as Inko pulled away, “Oh! I completely forgot!” She wiped her face as she grabbed the cake from where Izuku placed it down earlier, "I'll start cutting it up.”
Izuku watched his mom leave the room with a trail of cake hungry teens following her into the kitchen, he turned to Katsuki with a mumble, “Thank you. She needed a distraction.”
“So do you.” Katsuki said as he grabbed Izuku’s elbow and led him deeper into the room. Everyone who didn't follow the cake and was left in the living room was eager to latch onto Izuku, pulling him into conversations with ease.
“Mido! Tell me you agree, cake tastes better the next day, I can't be alone in this!” Ashido called out the second he came close to the group. Izuku opened his mouth, glancing at Katsuki in confusion. He shrugged his shoulders at him and mouthed the word Idiots to him with a fond roll of his eyes.
Kirishima cut Izuku off, “ Even if I agree, I don't want to hear this from you, you literally stole the last slice of cake from Denki’s birthday and I'm still not over that!”
Ashido looked over at Izuku and rolled her eyes before turning back to Kirishima, “You should've gotten to it first.”
“You mean I should've known you would sneak down to the kitchen and eat it straight from the box at two in the morning like some criminal?!” Kirishima cried out.
“You snooze, you lose.” Ashido shrugged her shoulders.
Izuku watched as Kirishima burst out in laughter. He felt a tap on his shoulder and saw Shouto standing behind him holding two slices of cake and extending one out to him, “Birthday boy gets the first slice.”
Izuku felt his stomach clench at the sight of food, but he took the plate without complaint, “Thank you. How was your week with your mom?”
Shouto stuff a spoonful of cake into his mouth shrugging his shoulders, “Way better I'll say that. I never knew a break could be so peaceful.”
Izuku held onto the smile on his face with everything he had. It's not Shouto's fault his break didn't leave Izuku with a drop of peace. “That's great Shouto! Are you going to spend your breaks at your mom’s house moving forward?”
Shouto nodded his head, Ochako walked over with Tenya, both of them juggling three slices of cake in their arms. She handed a plate to Katsuki and Ashido before stabbing her fork into her own slice and moaning at the cake the second it was in her mouth, “I don't know who made this, but they need a medal.”
“My mom made it.” Katsuki said as he took a bite. “She got into The Great British Bake Off over the summer.”
Izuku looked down at his uneaten cake as Ochako asked, “How? Isn't that show in english?”
“She watches in subtitles and then copies the recipe that wins.” Katsuki said.
“That's dedication.” Shouto nodded in approval as he took another bite.
Katsuki looked around the room for his mom, swiping his hand out at Shouto, “Don’t say anything more about the cake. She never shuts up about that damn show, and I don't need to hear her bragging about it on the way home.”
Izuku bit his lip as he watched everyone eat the cake around him. He felt weird standing there as they all polished off the last of the frosting while his plate sat untouched in his hands. He picked up the untouched fork, stabbing a small piece and placing it into his mouth, his stomach twisted in protest as he chewed lightly. It tasted like an overwhelming amount of sugar that he just wanted to spit out and gargle his mouth clean again with water.
Izuku turned, holding the piece in his mouth and looked at Ashido. Her plate was cleaned off and he held his plate out to her. Her eyes brightened as she nodded her head, snatching up his plate within a second. Izuku took her empty plate in return before turning back to the group, the cake already in his mouth resting on the roof above his tongue.
“Im just gonna go throw this plate out.” Izuku said.
Shouto glance at the plate, “Wow, you must've really liked it, I didn’t even see you take a bite but it's already cleaned on the plate.”
“It looks like the plate was licked clean.” Ochako laughed.
Izuku rolled his lips into his mouth, he could see the look Katsuki was giving him in the corner of his eye as he nodded his head to them, “Yeah. It's so…good. I'll be right back.”
Izuku left them and made his way to the kitchen, he dumped the plastic plate into the garbage, glancing around the room to make sure no eyes were on him before he snuck into the hallway and made his way to the bathroom.
He choked out the cake into the toilet, stomach acid burning his throat as he gagged. He took a breath, trying to steady his stomach as he flushed the toilet and turned to the sink. He washed his hands, throwing some water on his face before he cupped his hands under the stream and brought his mouth down so he could take away the lingering taste of sugar and vomit.
The water didn't feel like enough. Izuku grabbed his toothbrush, lining some toothpaste onto the bristles and quickly brushed his teeth, making sure he scrubbed his tongue clean of the aftertaste he had before he rinsed his mouth again.
Izuku could hear the sound of chatter and music playing muffled through the closed door. The bathroom door creaked as it was opened, Izuku looked back up at his reflection, the music was loud as he locked eyes with Katsuki through the mirror. Izuku turned around just as Katsuki closed the door again behind him, “What are you doing here, the party is that way.”
Katsuki didn't say anything as he looked Izuku in the eye and locked the door behind him. Izuku's mouth went dry at the click.
“Um…” Izuku didn't know what to say. Katsuki was blocking the door with his body and taking any escape Izuku could make out of the question. The silence stretched around them until Izuku finally broke it, "Why'd you lock the door?”
“Figured you’d try and run if I didn't." Katsuki shrugged as he leaned back against the door, Izuku glanced towards the lock and back at Katsuki.
Katsuki raised his brow as if Izuku just proved his point. Izuku swallowed a lump in his throat, “Why would I run?”
Katsuki's eyes searched Izuku’s face looking for something. When it seemed like he was satisfied with whatever he saw, he took a step closer. Izuku gripped the hard porcelain of the sink behind him, instantly transported back to just earlier on the roof with Katsuki’s face just barely a millimeter away from his. He remembered the way he could feel Katsuki’s breath blow against his lips, the way his heart raced until the door to the roof opened and broke the moment.
“You were taking a while for someone who was just throwing a plate away.” Katsuki finally said.
Izuku let out a breath, “Maybe I just needed some space.”
Katsuki glanced at the door behind him, “You didn't lock the door.”
Izuku pushed back against the sink as Katsuki walked closer, “I didn't think anyone would follow me into the bathroom.”
“You didn't think I would follow you?” Katsuki stepped closer, just a few inches away from Izuku, “After all these years, why would I stop chasing you now?”
Izuku couldn't stand the intense look in Katsuki’s eyes, he wanted to turn away so badly, break eye contact and walk around him, just leave and not look back. But he couldn't. He was held in place by Katsuki piercing red eyes as he held his breath.
“Is that a question for me to answer?” Izuku muttered softly.
Katsuki settled his hands on the sink, trapping Izuku between his arms as he leaned in, “I think we both know the answer already.”
Izuku licked his lips as his eyes betrayed him, glancing down at Katsuki’s lips for a second before flicking back up to his eyes, "What's the answer?”
Katsuki's lips spread into a soft grin, “I don't think either of us ever had the ability to stop chasing each other.”
He raised his one hand towards Izuku’s face, brushing a finger across his jawline and leaving his hand there as he cupped Izuku’s face, pulling him slightly closer until they were a hair’s breadth away. Izuku held his breath as Katsuki looked down at his lips, he couldn't help but lick them again as Katsuki whispered, “Just say the word, Izuku. I'll back away and we can act like this never happened.”
Izuku lost his grip on the sink, the air buzzed around them, everything felt so alive in this moment. If Izuku thought before he wanted to freeze time, that feeling had nothing compared to what he felt now. All thoughts just cease to exist. Izuku is sure that if Katsuki wasn't standing in front of him and looking at him with such pure want in his eyes it would be easier to come up with a million excuses as to why this is a bad idea and why he should pull away.
He could feel the warmth of Katsuki’s breath brushing his lips again for the second time this night and Izuku just couldn't think of any solid reasons to pull away. Without thinking about it any more, Izuku pressed up slightly onto his toes, his mouth finally meeting Katsuki’s in a rush that caused their teeth to clack together.
Katsuki tightened his grip on Izuku’s jaw, pulling away slightly as he adjusted his head and took control of the kiss. Weeks of glances and teasing grins, all the energy Izuku had put into just barely holding back, it all went out the door the second Katsuki’s lips were finally, finally on his.
Katsuki’s kiss was bruising at first, he pulled Izuku against his body in a tight grip, he pushed himself between Izuku’s legs, his hand that wasn't on his face sliding up his thigh until it curled around his waist. His lips were desperate and unrelenting, he kissed like he was furious with Izuku and himself.
Katsuki pulled away, sucking Izuku’s bottom lip into his mouth as he went until he released with a pop . They looked at each other for a second before moving in sync.
Izuku sunk both his hands into Katsuki’s hair as their lips crashed together again. He dragged his nails over the back of his neck, gripping at the hair harshly, tugging out a groan from Katsuki. In return, Katsuki hands found their way under Izuku’s shirt, grazing softly over his sides until he moved to lift Izuku up, sitting him on the sink behind him. Izuku's legs found their way around Katsuki’s waist, moving without his control as he dragged his hands over Katsuki’s face and down his neck.
It felt like he wasn't even in control of his own body, moving without realizing he had moved at all. He just wanted to touch, he needed to feel everything that made up Katsuki. Everything he had to offer to Izuku.
The kiss made Izuku breathless quickly, he pulled away titling his head up to get some air as Katsuki latched onto his neck, leaving behind what Izuku knows is going to be a dark bruise by the morning.
Izuku moved his hands behind him as he leaned back against the mirror, his fingers catching onto the handles on the faucet as he closed his eyes, loving the feel of Katsuki between his legs, his hands running across Izuku’s lower back like he also just couldn't help but touch everything he could.
Izuku felt himself slide down into the bowl of the sink and jerked his hand to catch himself, his hand pulled against the handle as he jerked it forwards, turning the faucet on with icy cold water that splashed against his lower back.
Izuku gasps at the chill, jerking forward into Katsuki as he jumps off the sink. Katsuki pulls away from Izuku as he stumbles to his feet, quickly reaching for the handle and turning the water back off.
Izuku stared at the sink in shock silence before slowly moving his gaze to look at Katsuki. The second their eyes met Izuku burst out laughing, Katsuki grinning widely as he reached for Izuku’s shirt, pulling the wet spot from his back, “I can't believe that just happened.”
Izuku laughed as he pulled his shirt away from Katsuki, walking over to the sink and rinsing out the water, “I fully blame you for that, why would you sit me on a sink of all things?”
Katsuki's grin softened as he walked over to Izuku, gently cupping his face in his hands and leaning in to press a soft kiss against Izuku’s lips, “Sorry about that.”
Izuku grabbed Katsuki's wrist, leaving his hands there as Katsuki ran his thumb lightly over Izuku's face, “I need a new shirt.” He said softly.
Katsuki leaned in one more time, this time the kiss was breathtakingly gentle and sweet. If before there was a rush of frantic movements and feelings this one was like a breath of fresh air, like they do this all the time.
“Go change.” Katsuki said as he finally pulled away.
Izuku exhaled loudly as Katsuki went to unlock the door, the door opened and suddenly Izuku was transported into another dimension. The music was still blasting loudly throughout the apartment and the quietness of the bathroom was now gone.
Izuku suddenly felt a stiffness in his spine as all the emotions of the night flowed back into him, all the reasons suddenly making their way into his head as he walked towards his room and pulled out a random shirt from his dresser.
He changed his shirt and turned around to Katsuki. He was looking at the pile of notebooks that laid on the floor next to Izuku’s desk. He reached down to grab a book, flipping through it as he turned to look at Izuku, “You still have these old analysis notebooks?”
Izuku hesitated as he walked over, he gently pulled the book from Katsuki’s hands, closed the notebook and glanced at the cover. “Yeah, I just could never get myself to throw them away,” Izuku set the book back on top of the pile, “Too many memories, I guess.”
Katsuki grabbed Izuku’s hand, “You okay?”
Izuku’s eyes lingered on their hands. His own hand looked undeniably fragile in Katsuki’s and it was just another reminder for Izuku. “Yeah. Why wouldn't I be?”
Katsuki looked at Izuku for a moment. Then, as if he couldn't hold himself back, Katsuki leaned in and reconnected their lips for a last lingering kiss. Izuku leaned into the kiss, hoping to sear it into his memory. He knows he shouldn't. Knows he should probably push Katsuki away before he gets too attached, but if Izuku was anything, he was weak to Katsuki’s touches.
He felt like a flower feeling the first rays of sun after a long cold winter night.
Katsuki pulled away and Izuku held himself back from chasing his lips. “We should head back to the party.”
Izuku licked his lips as he nodded, “Yeah, okay.”
Izuku knew if he lingered any longer he would never leave this room, he turned away from Katsuki and left his room, following the sound of music and laughter as he made his way back into the party. He headed straight for the kitchen, not watching to see where Katsuki wandered off too.
He opened the fridge, grabbing a water bottle and drinking half of it in one go. He flinched when a hand touched his shoulder, turning around and sighing in relief when it was just Ochako. “I thought you were my mom.”
Ochako laughed, “You should be glad I'm not.”
“What do you mean?” Izuku asked as he closed the fridge.
“Deku,” Ochako said sweetly, “Did you happen to take a look into the mirror before you left the bathroom?”
Izuku touched his face as he asked, “No? What? Why?”
Ochako leaned in to whisper, “Katsuki must've really been fond of your neck.”
Izuku slapped a hand over his throat, his voice high as he said, “What? What are you talking about? I was alone in the bathroom.”
Ochako gave him a wicked grin, “I didn't know you could leave yourself hickies on your own neck.”
“Fuck.” Izuku raised the collar of his shirt to cover his neck as his face went undeniably bright red, “Fuck, Ocha. Is it that obvious?”
Ochako burst out laughing, she clapped her hands in glee as she jumped up and down in excitement, “I knew it! I knew it and I told you! I was right! I can’t believe I was right!”
Izuku shushed her as he looked around the empty kitchen. He didn’t know where his mother was, but he needed to be out of plain sight as soon as possible and away from her before she popped up.
“Okay, you were right, shut up!” Izuku hissed out as he grabbed her wrist and dragged her back to his room.
Izuku pushed her into the room and slammed the door behind him, the music muffled behind the closed door and Ochako busted into a fit of giggles, falling over herself until she was face down onto Izuku’s pillow trying to muffle her laughter.
Izuku crossed his room in a second, digging through his closet for a hoodie that would cover his neck. He pulled out two different sweaters going to his body length mirror and immediately flushing from his neck to his hairline once he caught a glimpse of his neck, “Should I kill him?” Izuku mumbled under his breath as he pulled one of the hoodies over his head.
“You should let him live if he was good at it,” Ochako said as she finally calmed herself enough to speak, “He is clearly good at what he does, maybe asked him if he can do it again to the other side and make it even.”
Izuku covered his face with his hands, his skin felt like it would burn its way through his fingers, “Shut up, please.” He whined lowly.
Ochako sucked in her lips as she nodded her head, she looked like she ate a lemon as she tried her best to hold back her laughter again and smooth out her face. Ochako walked over to him and adjusted the hoodie slightly to cover his neck, “If I knew this was gonna happen, I would've brought my makeup. This will do for now. Unless you want to ask one of the girls if they have anything…?”
Izuku gasps at her, “No!”
She raised her hands, her lips trembling as she held back a smile threatening to creep onto her face, “Alright, alright. It was just a suggestion.”
Izuku pulled the hoodie tighter around his throat, “How am I gonna hide this from my mom?”
Ochako looked at him through the mirror, “Why would you? You're eighteen, you can have a boyfriend.”
“He’s not my boyfriend.” Izuku spit out suddenly, “He's just…” Izuku sighed as he let go of the hoodie, “He’s just Kacchan.”
Ochako bit her lip, her smile gone. Izuku looked away from her and back to his own reflection, "She's gonna know. I leave to go to the bathroom and when I come back I have a bright red hickey on my neck.”
“That shouldn't be suspicious at all.” Ochako teased him lightly.
Izuku groaned, "I'm actually going to kill him.”
Notes:
FINALLLY A KISSSSS. You guys don't understand how badly I needed this scene to play out and how perfectly I wanted to make it. I wasn't even planning a kiss for this chapter, just a tease but then I was writing and once Katsuki locked the door to the bathroom it just made sense for them to have a quick make out after all the tension they had outside on the roof.
If you think this means the end, fret not, there is still more to come. I'm not sure how much more but I still have two months left to write and that means more time for them to fuck this up somewhere. OR, maybe not, maybe they live happily ever after. lol
This has to be one of my longest chapters though so I hope everyone enjoyed this and its long word count. I'm shooting to make this over 100k and I'm so close to my goal I can almost taste it.
Let me know what you thought while reading, I love to read everyone's comments and I don't care if it just you screaming, I want to see it lol.
Lots of love everyone I'll see you next time!! <333333
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whynikkiwhy on Chapter 5 Wed 16 Apr 2025 08:03AM UTC
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