Dark Cacao's unfortunate birth story.

by MorosWritesThings, orphan_account

Summary:

Dark Cacao is pregnant starring way too many other people.

Notes:

• Inspired by [Restricted Work] by MorosWritesThings (Log in to access.)

Dark Cacao sighed. Being pregnant was difficult. The annoying cravings, not to mention morning sickness. It was a hard morning. He was left home alone after everyone had gone to the wall. His wife had left him. Now he had no partner to help with the baby. Stuck in bed all day. Logically, he could go somewhere else. However, Dr Jekyll from The Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde had advised him to stay in bed. And he had chosen to listen to him since he had been pregnant before. He knew more than him. It was a lazy day and he was bored to death. He sighed, picking up his phone and dialling an old friend; someone he hadn't talked to in a while. “Hey, Asgore from the hit indie game Undertale, how are you?” He asked as the call was answered. “Uh? Wrong number” they said then the phone hung up. Wow, even his old academia friends were ignoring him. He rolled his eyes, feeling the baby kick. It was an annoying sensation. “God, could you stop like… Doing things for five minutes?” He mumbled to the baby. Knowing the baby couldn't answer. “Erm actually!” A voice spoke. And Dark Cacao froze up. Where did that sound come from? Was he really hallucinating now? Probably, considering his last craving had been mass amounts of heroin. Oh well, that baby deserved to die anyway. He shrugged and sighed. “I miss my ex-wife, Vesper, the sigma fic writer.”

 

Dark Cacao got up from bed, groaning as he had to carry the weight of the baby. Walking his way to the kitchen. It was a stupidly long day. Couldn't he just give birth already? He hated babies. Why hasn't this fucker died already? Was the baby really that British? Refusing to die? How stupid. This baby was more akin to a spider. Both in the sense that Dark Cacao didn't want to have to give birth to it, and he didn't want to see it in his kingdom either. “I really hope my ex-wife Vesper isn't writing about me being pregnant. Why couldn't I have a co-parent instead?” He sighed as he grabbed a sandwich from the fridge. At least Victor Frankenstein had been kind enough to make him pre-made sandwiches. He took a bite and spit it out immediately. “I swear- why did he put fucking human body parts in the sandwiches?!” Dark Cacao sighed, rolling his eyes as he tossed it in the trash. Moving to steal one of Will Wood’s bowls of estrogen from the fridge. At least the sex juice was more edible than the body parts. He moved to sit at the counter, and in moments he was passed out at the counter. Pregnancy was tiring.

 

When he woke up he was in a hospital room, immediately becoming confused. “Oh glad to see you're awake!” a familiar voice said. “What the fuck? Amnesia from Amnesia Was Her Name by Lemon Demon? You're a doctor?” Dark Cacao asked, trying to sit up, but he was in pain. “Why am I even here?” He added, confused still. “Oh your buddies Heart and Soul from Chonny’s Charming Chaos Compendium brought you in saying you were giving birth. We couldn't wake you up though so we just cut cha’ open and took the baby out.” Amnesia said with a grin. Dark Cacao’s eyes widened. “You let him live!? I wanted that fucker dead!” He huffed. “Fine, just bring me the baby.” Dr. Amnesia sighed. “Actually a man came in here and, like, took the baby.” Dark Cacao raised an eyebrow. “Do you know who?” He asked, not too concerned for the baby yet. “Uhh this guy,” She tapped her foot on the floor “Uh he was abnormally blonde, and kinda annoying at first not gonna lie man.” Dr. Amnesia said. “TOMMYINNIT STOLE MY BABY?” Dr. Amnesia sighed. “Yeah.”

 

Then the door burst open. “WOULD YOU RATHER HAVE 100 MILLION DOLLARS OR YOUR BABY BACK!?!” Mr Breast asked as he stood in the doorway. “Uhh hundred millio-” Dark Cacao tried to answer. However, Dr. Amnesia cut him off. “The baby.” Quickly, Mr. Breast threw the baby to the doctor. “God fucking dammit. Just give it to Duo the Owl and Alastor or something, those whores already have two kids.” Dark Cacao requests. “Uhhh first you have to name it. Then we can give the baby away.” Dark Cacao thought heavily. “Its name is Simon, now leave me alone.”