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Anticipatory uneasiness has become second nature to Dan Heng. He can feel it with every shared dinner, the mandatory game nights that Caelus insists on (and its rather funny watching Jing Yuan stare at the little man in a cart on the screen and insist he wasn’t driving backwards), or the strolls through the garden in the estate he now resides in. His presence is kept a secret to the world outside the general’s estate, the Xianzhou ignorant of his new living arrangements. If there is anything he needs, he merely has to think and Jing Yuan or Blade will get it for him before the thought has even passed his lips.
They provide as well as they can, gifts and offerings of private time together, never going further than he wishes. Oh, he can taste their hunger though, can feel his own gums ache with the need to bite into their flesh and complete their fractured bond.
The voice in his head tells him now is the time, to sneak into rooms under the cover of night and slide his naked body over the restful ones of his mates. But his heart holds him back. Too soon, it says, for how long did you run for just to run into it with open arms?
A hypocrite, who sees his packmates happiness and wishes for it to be his own. For the gentle kisses that lead to rough bites, to lap to lay his head on in the shade of a tree in the garden. But the heat that meets his eyes when he turns his head…frightens him as much as it excites him. Threatening to consume him, taking from him the new life he has tentatively made for himself, an expectation that he is his previous incarnation when, no, he wasn’t…he is lost.
The feelings roll in his stomach uneasily, of hope and uncertainty, the want to be accepted and loved while he just wants to be seen as more than just the one who got away.
He had been caught in the moment when his packmates had mended their strained bond, had felt the licking of heat and lust as his teeth ached to bite. How he had wished to spread his legs and accept them men between them, with only the heat to guide them. Now, in the cold light of the morning, weeks later, he hides.
In his private room, graciously provided to him, he sits across from Ratio and explains his thoughts over a game of chess.
“I told you it was a shackle,” the scholar muses quietly as he contemplates his next move. His own hypocrisy stares Dan Heng in the face from the marks that his tunic does not cover that drift up his neck, wink at him through the key hole by his chest. “A heat should not be a reason for consummation, but it is the leading cause. Your inhibitions and hesitations will not matter when it consumes your mind.”
“I ran for a long time under the assumption of their lustful thoughts to lock me away and tie me up.”
Ratio hums, moving a piece. “While the tying up still seems valid, I recommend speaking to them of your concerns.”
What an adult thing to say, and something Dan Heng himself sees the sense in. But he feels himself curling his shoulders up in defensiveness, wanting someone to hold his hand and be the adult in his place.
Go to them, the voice taunts.
“How do you phrase ‘I’m frightened of being intimate with you’ in a way that won’t offend?”
“If they’re offended by you asking for them to wait then they don’t deserve you.” Ratio pauses, sharp eyes looking up at him. “Have they been forcing the idea on you?”
“Ah, no. They’ve been nothing but kind in their attractions.” Now it’s Dan Heng who pauses as he thinks. “If you count Blade asking to spar as a form of kindness. But at most they merely kiss my hands or pet my hair. They don’t ask to come to my bed or for me to spend the night.”
“I see.” Ratio moves a piece. “Checkmate. I think they’re waiting for you to make the first move.”
Dan Heng acquiesces to losing, sitting back in his chair to give his full attention to the man across from him. “Not to change the subject, but how is the one room among the three of you turning out?”
Ratio does not fluster easily. He still doesn’t, but there is a color to his cheeks that speaks more than the words that come out of his mouth. “It’s been…eye-opening.”
“Have you come to accept Caelus’ previous identity?”
“There’s nothing to accept. Caelus is Caelus, regardless of which name he goes by. The shock of knowing, however, is still hard to grasp. Even Aventurine struggles with the fact, but we accept him.”
A shock smoothed over by intense rounds of intimate love-making, no doubt, as sex always seems to be the answer to solve everything. Yet Dan Heng can’t bring himself to take that step. All those years of running, only to end up back in the place he had run from, with those he had been intending on avoiding for as long as possible.
Ratio clears the board, setting it up once more. “You feel like a hypocrite, don’t you? Do not worry, I’m well acquainted will the feeling as of late.”
“Back when you were, er, fixing your relationship after we arrived, I felt like I could give in. I thought of their hands on me, spreading my legs easily, but now, sober from the heat, I can only feel ashamed with myself for giving in.”
“Ah.” Ratio makes the first move. “Heat is an unpredictable and hard to fight thing. Don’t feel ashamed for living in the moment, because nothing came of it. You’re not giving in just because you felt good.”
Dan Heng looks at the board, but he doesn’t see it. “Am I judging myself too harshly?”
“You are a fractured piece of man with a lack of memories. I do not doubt the general and his dog have waited for you, and they will continue to wait if that is what you need.”
“…Jing Yuan has spoken about this to you, hasn’t he?”
Sensing the game is not on his mind, Ratio sighs and settles back in his chair. “Much like you and I, we have a lot in common. His mind is a brilliant, if hard to navigate, piece of work. Still, he is rather unlearned in the art of moderation, so if it does become too much you must tell him. He would greatly appreciate that.”
Ratio turns to the side, eyes intent on some unseen thing. “Ah, there he is now. We shall continue our game later.”
There’s a polite knock on his door, and Dan Heng doesn’t question how Ratio knew the perpetually smiling man was behind it when he opens it to reveal the general.
“I’m sorry to interrupt,” Jing Yuan starts, not looking a bit sorry at all, “but I was wondering if you would like to join me for some tea while Blade sulks in the shadows.”
Ratio marches past him, posture perfect and stiff, and if it wasn’t for the slight flush to his face, Dan Heng would consider him almost normal looking. “Nothing to interrupt, general. We were finished with our game. If you would please excuse me.”
There is something cat-like as Jing Yuan follows the retreating back of the scholar with an amused glint to his golden eyes. Like Ratio is merely a toy to bat around between his paws before he swallows him whole. Yet when they turn back to him, the predator has receded, leaving only the gentle touch of a kitten’s paw as Jing Yuan takes his arm and leads him to the gardens.
A small area has been set up, no doubt by the mysterious staff that Dan Heng has yet to see. A low table with multiple cushions, a fresh pot of tea and a small assortment of pastries await them, and as they sit, Dan Heng can see the branches of the tree above them shift dangerously, telling him exactly where Blade has chosen to sulk.
“Your doctor seems to be in better spirits lately,” Jing Yuan starts, pouring him a cup.
Dan Heng takes it with a nod of thanks. “Ah, yes. It seems all three of them have managed to come to an understanding.”
“I’m glad.” When a soft hand gently overlays itself on top of his, Dan Heng startles and drops his tea.
Without the help of the heat, he is clumsy and startled by every touch. An apology sticks in his throat as he gathers up a napkin to soak up the mess, unable to meet the knowing gaze that lingers over him as he trembles in embarrassment. This is not who he is, Dan Heng thinks in despair. He is not someone to flush when confronted with kindness or a hint of desire, he knows how to smile and turn down an offer or thank someone for their affection. Now he feels like a toddler that doesn’t know how emotions work, is wound up too tight and too far to be anything by perpetually spinning when set loose.
“Dan Heng.”
He flinches.
“Would you look at me?”
Despite the urge to run away, Dan Heng looks back over.
The smile on the general’s face becomes one of sad truth, not the one that masks his true feelings that he always wears.
“I see. Let us not be like your packmates who are allergic to communication. For such intelligent men, they do not shine a good light on themselves with their lack of communication skills.”
Despite the situation, Dan Heng snorts a laugh. “It’s worse when they fight over what movie to watch.” But the laugh falls into a sigh, Dan Heng reaching up to pinch the bridge of his nose. “But you are right. I don’t want to make the same mistakes they did. I would like to be transparent going forward.”
“I’m all ears, my little dragon.”
The name makes him flustered, but also has the odd effect of making his heart skip a beat. The soiled napkin in his hands twists dangerously between his clenched fists, but he takes a deep breath. It was now or never.
“It’s a lot to take in,” he starts. “Sometime the heat sets in and there’s nothing more that I want than to give in. But when it cools, I feel there would be regret if something were to happen, because the heat made us want each other and not our own feelings.” He pauses, waiting for Jing Yuan, but the man doesn’t speak. He only waits patiently. “I spent so long running based on what I could remember, and I remember fear. That day that I woke up, do you remember?”
“How could I forget?” A hand brushing through Dan Heng’s dark fringe. “The need to hide you away from those who hurt you was so great that I might’ve made rash decisions and said things that embedded themselves into your heart in a cruel manner. I meant to protect you, but I only succeeded by instilling fear and suspicion. It didn’t help Blade is rather…forward in his feelings. Watching him stalk towards you would send anyone running.”
There’s a hint of a snort from the tree. A branch shakes, and the tiny petals of the flowers land ungracefully on Jing Yuan’s head.
“You can see he is rather cute when he wants to be.” Jing Yuan leaves the flowers, unbothered by their presence in his hair. “I know you hesitate when the heat hits, but will you tell me why?”
“I’m…scared,” he admits, ashamed of the way his eyes fill with tears. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t—”
“Dan Heng.” Strong arms cradle him, pressing his head to a chest where he can hear the softened beat of the general’s heart. “I have waited centuries for you, and I will continue to wait. Forgive me if my passions for you overwhelm you. I guess my rumored self-control is lacking when it concerns you.”
Jing Yuan pulls away, reaching up to wipe a tear that clings stubbornly to dark lashes. “I’m glad you told me your feelings. Just know that everything is in your hands – how fast we move, what we touch, if you wish for our hearts to be bared, it’s all yours to control. Blade.”
And from the shadows comes the weapon with bright eyes, mouth a firm line as he slides up against Dan Heng’s back, an overgrown hound who thinks himself a lap dog as he noses behind his ear. “Do not fear us. When the heat is too much, tell us. We will listen.”
Jing Yuan chuckles, reaching over to press a hand to Blade’s cheek. “After all, we’re professionals at being edged for centuries. Now why don’t we take our tea here, hm? Let me lay my head in your lap as you tell me of the book you are reading while Blade pouts sullenly in the corner.”
“I don’t pout,” comes the voice that is distinctly pouting, even if it rolls from a dark and dangerous tone. “Who wishes to do nothing when we could spar?”
“Such a romantic.”
“I try,” is the dry return.
~*~
“As an Aeon,” Caelus contemplates innocently from where he uses the binoculars to spy on the trio in the garden through his window, “can I erase someone from existence?”
Ratio sighs. “Kakavasha, reel in your mate.”
“My mate? He’s yours too.”
“I don’t claim him when he gets like this. I much prefer the housewife Caelus instead of the mutually beneficial destruction Caelus.”
“Aw, but darling,” the Avgin purrs, leaning down to lick over the scholar’s beautiful neck, “the latter is my favorite Caelus. Don’t you remember when we were kidnapped?”
“The first time or the second?” Sharp eyes narrow, pushing away the amorous beast. “Which I still haven’t forgiven you for. Playing such a cheap, underhanded trick on me.”
But the beast dodges around the hands, pouring like liquid silk into the man’s lap and swirling his hips. “It worked, didn’t it? Without the general’s interference, we would never know of our marks. Such odd creatures, the long-lived ones of this place, who can see more than we can. You know,” and the heat creeps in, lips pulled back to show a ravenous smile, “watching the general manhandle you was rather attractive. Wonder if we can get him to do it again.”
A clatter brings their attention to Caelus, who stares at them with dilated eyes and his binoculars at his feet. His mouth works uselessly, a wet tongue licking dry lips as thoughts rapidly cross the usually open face. A minor crisis, they can see, as Caelus stumbles towards them, already tearing at his clothes.
“One day,” the former Aeon declares as he jumps to remove his leg from his pants, “I want to see that. I want to see him bully you. But first,” and the gold of his eyes start to drip, “I’m gonna bully you first.”
“Oh, darling, I would like to see you try,” Ratio challenges, eyes darkening as they narrow, legs spreading open wider and forcing the Avgin on top of him to also widen the spread of his knees to compensate. What a picture they made, a delectable meal for the hungry beast that prowls closer. “I guess I do need to apologize for my previous actions and hurt I caused.”
“Repeatedly, often, right now,” Caelus hums, sliding between his spread legs and pressing himself against the back of Aventurine, kissing his nape reverently. And to his blonde-haired mate, he commands, “Let him fuck you while I fuck him.”
Heat rises, clothes fall to the ground. Teeth find skin and gasps turn honey sweet.
Caelus opens them both with his fingers, watching them writhe on top of each other as his fingers spread and push into their tight channels. His, he thinks, a tint of gold clouding his vision. His to love, to keep, to tie to himself selfishly for centuries if he so wishes it. His strings would circle their necks and forever bind them to him, and if they ever ran he would follow the trail like a bloodhound.
Kakavasha is a master of riding Ratio, the swirling and bouncing of his hips something that should be immortalized in stone and film and any other artistic medium, but Caelus refuses to let anyone else see it. It is for his pleasure only, and as he sets his hands against the slope of the blonde’s waist and forces a different tempo, he will only share with those who are pack.
He leans forward to lick the back of the straining neck, biting down as he pushes into the daker haired man who has attempted to evade him for too long. It might not look beautiful, but it feels perfect as they all cave to their desires, the heat melting them and forming them into one. Their voices carry, this he knows, and he hopes it peppers the garden below them, tempts the other three into his hands and into his bed.
Not all pack, not yet, but they would be. He already senses the threads that seek to touch his, to form a place of family and safety. Into his heart he would lock them, a dragon who hoards his treasures close, cherish them for an eternity to come. The jewels that laid before him, gasping his name and biting his skin, are only the first two to dangle from the chain he strings them on, warm against his pulse.
As an Aeon, he thinks as he reaches around to stroke Kakavasha, his other hand tweaking a nipple of Veritas, could he make them live forever?
He feels the gold leak between the cracks of his teeth as he smiles. Oh, what fun it was going to be to test it out. For now, he gorged himself on the slick skin of his mates, who sing his name and grapple him down to the bed, where they take turns undoing his world before rebuilding it back up.
For now, it was perfect.
For now.