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r/relationships • 6 d. ago
u/deleted
My (M31) ex-girlfriend (?32) is now a guy and I think I don't care??
(relationships)
Don’t know how to explain it but I’ll try my best.
Long story shot, I have an ex that was the lov of my life. We met when we were younger and were togethere for years, until she left me without an explenation. I never got over her but I couldn’t try to win her back since she disappeared.
We met again recently at a bar. I hoped she’d be there and had that confirmed when I heard her best friend call out her last name. I took my time to cool off and get the charm on (you know, so she’s knocked out of her boots when I talk to her) and I come around and it’s a guy with her face.
I was confused as hell but quickly he explained that yes, this is my ex, he transitioned from female to male and he’s transgender. So this dude had my girl’s face because he’s my girl.
I walked out to have a freak out moment straight after but I after I cooled down (I was pissed because he didn’t say anything back when we were together and because I didn’t notice anything and I thought we told each other everything), my best friend asked me ‘what now’ and said a few things about how my ‘wooing plan’ always involved my female ex and how he’s only seen me dating girls.
Truth is, I’m confused. The dude I saw was still her, my ex, who I’ve always intended to marry, and still do, I don’t think I actually care that much that she’s a he now?? Looking at him, it still feels like when I was looking at her, the smae spark is here and I get all blushy as when I did back with her, and I just feel exactly the same when I see him as a guy as when I saw him as woman??
Objectively, he’s hot. I can’t get over the mustache because it’s ridiculoously outdated but so was he back when he was her still and it suits him. He still wears old-fashioned shirts and plane t-shirts and old jeans, but it fits him better and its not buggy anymore so you can see how long his legs are and how wide his shoulders are and how fucking huge his arms are. I loved her arms back then and she’s always been athletic but now it’s like double that and honestly, it looks good on him. He’s big, bigger than me and I’m not a small guy and I think he could lift me no problem the way he’s now (she could back in the day as well but it’s not been as easy) and he has a six pack and just thinking about that gets me a little. He’s got crunchy chest hair and his hair is more curly and if I could, I’d get my hands on those with pleasure, it’s too fucking distracting.
But he’s undeniably a guy. Like, I wouldn’t be able to tell if he didn’t have my girl’s face, that he used to be a her. I was pretty ure I still love her before we met and I don’t think that’s really changed even though he’s a transgender guy. If I’m straight, how does that all work?
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u/anuallynormallightning
My dude, my bro, my man… Given everything you said in this thread, I don’t think you’re as straight as you think you are
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u/deleted • OP
Can’t I like only him and still be straight? I don’t want to ever touch any other guy, it’s just him
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u/craftydeference51
… 🤨 are you joking OP
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u/feistytendonsmykingdom
Actually OP, there’s something called heteroflexibility
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u/deleted • OP
What’s that?
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u/beefpoker
Question: can you imagine being with him? Kissing, sex? Because that’s important part of a relationship and if you can’t then whether you ‘care’ doesn’t really matter
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u/deleted • OP
Yes
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u/beefpoker
That was very definitive OP. How did you come to that answer?
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u/deleted • OP
I’ve dreamed about kissing her again for years, it doesn’t matter that he’s a different gender now. He’s still as attractive and she was the day we met.
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u/orangecolors
Aww dunno this is kinda sweet actually
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u/fonduingncuing
OP, you do understand his anatomy is different now, right? I’m assuming he had at least one surgery from the way you describe him, but you gotta consider that he might have had bottom surgery as well. Sex will be different regardless he did or no but you gotta be ready to be okay with it if you want that to work
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u/deleted • OP
I get that, I think. I’m not sure how that would work but I’m curious enough to try. Our first time was awkward a little bit (it was hers first time with a guy) so I don’t think he’d mind if I wasn’t that experience straight away this time around. I can get better at it anyway
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u/dimpleddown69
Curious, he says. Get better at it, he says.
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u/splendidbones
I want y’all to know OP replied in two minutes. No hesitation whatsoever
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u/themisguidedowner
OP nmot to be the bearer of bad news but umm are you sure hes still into guys? Because this can change u know, maybe hes still straight and dates girls now, probably woulda question that before i even think if getting back togeter is a possibility
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u/deleted • OP
He dated girls when we met - I was the first guy she’s ever dated actually. His best friend said he’s dated guys when we were broken up
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u/curiouslygrowncoding
You do realize that you two dating would make you a gay couple, right? Because I don’t think you realize that at all
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u/deleted • OP
It doesn’t really feel like it’d be gay? I know he’s a guy now and he’s attractive but I don’t think just that would make it gay
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u/curiouslygrowncoding
You don’t think kissing and having sex with a guy (which you admitted somewhere else you’d be okay with) would make it gay???? Do you read the things you write here?
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u/dimpleddown69
I’m still waiting for OP to realize that that marrying his ex (as OP still intends to, per his own words) would mean he’s gay married and can have his marriage not recognized in some states/countries
🡅 138 🡇 💬 Reply
u/evenlynumbered
You care OP, you *more than * care OP, you fucking like it
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u/jucy_buttocks213
You seem to be in a big denial OP so I’m just going to say that when my spouse came out and transitioned (mtf) we got a divorce because I’m straight
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| 12 replies
u/freeairtime
And does he actually look like a guy? Do you see him as a guy? Are you sure you’re not still seeing his face and imagining his body from ‘before’, when it was ‘female’?
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u/deleted • OP
He’s got a mustache, how much more like a guy can he be? And I don’t imagine anything, it’s hard ro get all the muscles out of my brain as it is
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u/freeairtime
Mustaches can be different and some women have a bit of a shadow mustache as it is so it might be that ‘manly’ of an upgrade as you’re making it
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u/deleted • OP
It’s a Tom Selleck kind of mutache
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u/enourmouswires
yeah i don’t think thjeres a possible way for OP to see his ex as a woman still 💀 (unless he's a terf that is)
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u/Thelegalshopping
Maybe you’re just whatseverhisname-sexual
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u/deleted • OP
Is that a thing? Because that would definitely explain some things
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u/sillyvocalist5033
That’s not a thing…
🡅 365 🡇 💬 Reply
u/pinkobserver
I think you confused ‘I don’t care’ with ‘I’m thirsty, badly’
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u/deleted • OP
He’s attractive, anyone can tell that
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u/umboanthropology
It doesn’t make them look as stupid as it makes you tho OP
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u/enragedligament
When you say you still feel the same, is this about romantic or sexual feelings?
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u/deleted • OP
What does that mean? Isn’t it one and the same?
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u/enragedligament
Not necessarily. Romantic feelings can be what you mentioned – wanting to get married and have a life together. Sexual is lust and the desire to engage with someone sexually, whether this is just touching, kissing or sex, it is about body and the urge to get intimate with another person’s body so to speak. Do you feel like you would’ve felt when experiencing sexual attraction back when he was pre-transition? Like for example when you were about to get a bit heated?
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u/deleted • OP
It feels the same as it felt back then. I really want to touch him and I wish he’d look at me the same way he did back before we broke up
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u/chillybending
As I was reading this, I didn’t understand what the actual issue was. Until I read the last sentence, that is.
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u/deleted
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