Chapter Text
Yuu awoke in darkness, except he was pretty sure that he was in an earthquake or some shit because with how much shaking there was he was sure he was gonna throw up all over himself.
Specs of blue made its way into the darkness and Yuu in all his idiotic teen glory realized that he was in fact not stuck in a closet of some kind but a tight spaced…. Fuck he forgot the word again.
He’ll remember it later probably, the door fell on the floor and he looked around to see a talking cat standing on its hind legs. He didn’t have a migraine and the room was spinning so he was clearly still drunk and not schizophrenic.
He jumped out of the, um… death box thingy (𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘶𝘤𝘬 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘥 𝘢𝘨𝘢𝘪𝘯???) and completely ate shit on the floor.
“Oh-ho! You got a lotta nerve ignoring me, human!”
“My bad little man! You need somthin?”
Yuu tried standing up with out falling and managed but ended up tilting his body. Yuu looked around the room and got the sudden urge to explore, so he did and 𝑪𝑶𝑭𝑭𝑰𝑵𝑺!!! The fuking word was coffins, holy shit bro quickest time ever remembering words.
Oh look an apple tree, om nom nom I’m hungry. Yuu grabbed an apple or two maybe three and started munching on it, he kept walking, where to? Only god knows where cause he sure doesn’t.
Walking around he saw a tall man with some pretty cool horns, “Cool horns tall man.” The horn man seemed caught off guard but what can he say, if the tall man has cool horns then he has cool horns.
“Thank you child of man?” Damn he’s hot, holding out his other apple which he totally didn’t just steal from… where did he get it again? Doesn’t matter.
“You want one pretty boy.” Pretty man seemed to choke on his spit and started chuckling, damn his voice is nice.
“Pretty boy?” He seemed amused at the notion of being called pretty but like is it a lie??? “Yeah, cuz you’re like pretty and all that and it’s totally not cuz I don’t know your name. Definitely not that.” Pretty man was chuckling even more at that statement.
“You don’t know who I am child of man?” With how hot you are I wish I knew you sooner, “You a celebrity or somethin? Truth be told I’m like, super bad with names and matching them to faces.” Where am I right now actually?
“Of sorts, however if you don’t know who I am then I’m afraid I can’t give you my name.” He was smiling, holy fuck he’s hot, SMASH. “There a reason pretty boy?”
“I wish to enjoy this moment of ignorance a bit longer if you wouldn’t mind.” Shiiit bro I wish I could enjoy this moment with you in bed with me.
“That’s cool I guess… hey quick question do you know where we ar-“
A hand grabbed his shoulder
“AAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!” Yuu elbowed whatever was behind him and ran behind pretty man, a crow person was hunched over on the floor with the talking cat thing from earlier in a whip floating in the air, well he’s seen crazier things when he was high before so he guessed it’s fine.
“My, were you ever eager to make your debut.” Came out in grunts as the man seemed to be messaging a now, most likely, bruise on his stomach.
Now seeing the situation the man seemed to stumble on his words “M-Mr. Draco-“ he was cut off by the pretty man “Headmage, is there a reason for you to be running about as of this hour?”
Draco… like Draco malfoy? Y’know I actually used to have a crush on Draco back in like, 6th grade, lmao I can go back to having that crush but on a hotter irl version of Draco.
Speaking of Harry Potter, Tom Riddle was also pretty hot. I’m lowkey still pressed he ended up turning like, hella ugly. Fucking Voldemort and his ugly ass ‘he who shall not be named’ and his stupid ass horcruxes.
Ugly fuck, why couldn’t they let Riddle keep his looks, imagine what he would look like if he was older. I bet he’d age like fine wine-
Lost in thought, the headmage and the horns guy were near the end of their conversation with the headmage looking embarrassed and put on the spot while the pretty man seemed annoyed at not being invited to some important event.
“I see I was not invited again.” Yuu was pulled out of his Harry Potter thoughts and started trying to listen in as best an idiotic drunk (possibly cross faded) teen could, which was surprisingly actually really well.
“W-Well about that! You see there was this mixup and-“
Damn, how do you forget to invite a person as pretty as this and say its cuz you had a mixup, see I might be wrong bout this but I’m pretty sure bro’s lying, that’s just my opinion though.
They stopped talking and stared at Yuu, Yuu looked between the two “Wassgood? Do I got somthin’ on my face?” Fuck are those two staring at?
That bird fucker coughed into his hands, “Let us return to the mirror chamber.”
Yuu was stumbling about trying his best to walk in a straight line while the bird guy walked ahead, Yuu stopped realizing that the pretty horn man wasn’t following.
“Yo you comin’ pretty boy?” Yuu turned around to stare at the man only to see him shake his head.
“I’m afraid not child of man, I was not invited to this occasion after all.” He needs an invite? What is he a vampire or some shit. “So If I invited you then would you go?” Genuine question y’know.
Pretty horn guy seemed surprised and smiled at Yuu ‘holy fuck he’s so hot when he’s smiling’ Yuu’s face flushed a bit at seeing such a face.
“That is most kind of you child of man, however I don’t believe I would be welcomed by the other house wardens so I’m afraid I’ll have to decline.” He seemed to sulk at the thought and Yuu was, if not, the biggest simp for tall pretty boys.
“Well if they don’t want you there then it’s their loss, If theres ever a party or sumthin’ then you’ll be the first person I invite, kay?” Yuu got a dopey grin on his face at the thought of his party partner being such a fine specimen.
Taken aback the pretty boy seemed to stretch out his smile, “I’ll hold you to that invitation then.” Yuu watched as his (f̶u̶t̶u̶r̶e̶ ̶h̶u̶s̶b̶a̶n̶d̶) new friend disappeared in a green flurry of fire flies.
Sick as fuck for real for real.
Yuu looked over to the crow man guy thingy and ran as fast as he could without eating shit and twisting his ankle since that stupid fuck decided to KEEP walking instead of WAITING like a NORMAL FUCKING PERSON.
FUCK YOU CROW MAN YOU SAD SACK A SHIT!!!
“Fuck!” Yuu face planted face first on the floor after having miscalculated how high up the floor actually was and tripped over an apple on the floor, damn when did that fall out of his pocket?
The crow man turned around to look at Yuu in disappointment, “I must ask that you tone down the crass language young man, this is a-”
Shut the fuck uuuuuup, holy shit man, bros literally a professional yapper cuz god damn bro literally rivals my history teacher with how much hes yapping right now.
Yuu groaned and got up from the ground, almost tumbling again due to the alcohol currently still in his system.
‘I have to use the bathroom’
_________
Big ass doors for real for real, fucks supposed to come outta there? Giants?
“All right, new students - let me be clear. At Heartslabyul House, I am the law. Break the rules, and it’s off with your head!” What the fuck? I mean go off I guess.
*Yawn* “Well, that ceremony was as boring as ever. I’m going back to the dorm. If you’re in Savanclaw House, follow me.” Real as fuck for real for real, I felt that.
“New students! Allow me to be the first to congratulate you on your achievement.” Damn what a happy ass motherfucker, reminds of Mitsuri but with more proper ass language, what does bro also got a creepy snake guy in his corner simping after him or sum shit?
“As dorm leader of Octavinelle House, I am honored to have the opportunity to support you in what I hope will be a fulfilling campus experience.” Damn bros still goin’, but also that was a happy ass line so ain’t no way bros not tryna kill someone.
“Hey, does anyone know where the headmage went? He disappeared midway through the ceremony…” What the fuck is a headmage? Like a principal or some shit?
“Some headmage he is.” Damn, bro’s dissin’ the headmage and he ain’t even here to defend himself, tragic I guess.
“Maybe he had a tummy ache?” Real, I felt that.
A loud bang and Yuu looked over to the bird guy as he realized he had kicked the door open. Dramatic as fuck but go off I guess.
“I most certainly did not!”
“Ah, speak of the devil.” Yuu looked over to the person who just spoke and HOLY SHIT HE’S ADORABLE WHAT THE FUCK????
“If you must know, I was searching for the new student who’d failed to show for orientation.” Oh shit who?
Crow man pushed Yuu forward “You are the only one who has yet to be assigned a dorm. Step up to the Dark Mirror, and be quick about it. I’ll watch your weasel.” Me??? Im the new student??? I mean that’s cool I guess? But also when the fuck did I get a weasel???
Yuu walked towards the giant mirror in the middle of the room while a bunch of people stared at him cuz y’know, no pressure I guess.
“State your name.”
Oh my god it talks.
“Like my legal name, my original legal name or my nickname?”
Yuu was just starred at by the talking mask mirror thingy.
“Tough crowd I guess, Yuu.”
“Yuu…. The nature of your soul…. Is unclear to me.” Siiick, what the fuck does that mean?
“What did you just say?” Oh shit, lmao forget people were here for a minute, whoopsys.
“Their soul is as complex as it is simple, fitting no dorm yet belonging to all, with magic so ancient even I can not tell what it is.” OH SHIT I GOT MAGIC??? My magical girl arc boutta go crazy for real for real.
“Therefore, no permanent dorm would be appropriate.” Does that mean I can house-hop? Siiick.
“Siiiiick, so what now crow man?” The room was filled with whispers, of what though Yuu had no clue but it was probably the fact that he didn’t have a permanent dorm.
Funsies (*≧ω≦*)
“But that is absurd! The student selection process has not erred once in its century of existence!” ???
“How could this have happened?” I dunno my guy, seems pretty sick though if you ask me.
The little weasel thing started struggling against the whip and managed to get free, look theres more blue flame-
________
“Off With Your Head!!!”
________
*Ahem* “Then I shall have it expelled from campus. I shall even spare it from being served as dinner.” Wild statement
“Yall eat cat??? That’s wild but ok I guess”
“My, but I AM kind… Someone take this away, please.” Where’s my phone?
Yuu checked their pockets and felt nothing and checked the weird robe thingy if it had pockets
“Well, that was quite the unexpected fracas. I hereby declare that orientation has concluded.” Where the fuck is my phone???
Yuu started panicking and going about their pockets before looking around the room floor to see if he dropped it.
“Housewardens, please escort your students back to the dorms.” Yuu quickly looked up to glance at the house wardens before checking the pockets again.
Yuu stopped rigidly and looked back up at them again and holy shit they’re hot, like please step on me hot.
Minus the floating tablet thingy but then again its a tablet sooooo.
“…Hm? Come to think of it, I don’t see Housewarden Draconia of House Diasomnia anywhere.” Draconia… Like the Draco dude from earlier? The super hot one with horns, who’s new nickname is now Draco from Harry potter? But also you literally saw him earlier????
“And that surprises you? Dude’s a total recluse.” Holy shit theres a furry here, I mean he’s hot I guess so he gets a pass but I swear to god if bro starts talkin’ bout how the bathrooms need liter boxes I’m gonna fukin burn this school to the ground for letting that shit slide.
“Wait a sec… Did anyone even invite him?”
He’s cute, like the type of boyfriend your parents want you to bring home instead of Mr. hot, fast, and furry over there.
“If you’re that worried about him missing out, maybe you should have told him yourself.” Holy fuck he’s gorgeous, what I would give for him to step on me with those beautiful long legs of his please and thank you. (⁄ ⁄•⁄ω⁄•⁄ ⁄)
“Maybe, but I don’t know him too well either…” Damn that’s actually so tough, like even the known recluses at school are invited to house parties and shit despite them literally talking to like, no one, unless of course you’re those weird furry kids that don’t shower and shit.
“Draconia… Like, Malleus Draconia? THAT Draconia?” Damn does bro have a moanable name, I can fuck with that. But am I gonna remember that? Probably not.
“So it’s true? He really does go to school here?”
“Yikes.”
Damn why they talkin so much shit bout my boy Draco like that? Fucked up for real for real.
“Ah. Just as I’d expected.” Smash, all the way bro, you’re so pretty please date me.
“I figured I’d come down and see for myself whether Malleus had made an appearance. But once again, he was evidently not informed that his presence was required at an official ceremony.” I did try and invite him but my guy said no so, ye.
__________
Oooooh~ cool library, floaty books and shit that I’m probably never gonna read.
Yuu looked around the room as bird man went over books that have to do with like, geography or something.
“Just as I’d suspected. Nothing. Not only is your homeland not listed on any map from any point in history.”
Is there a bathroom around here?
“Now, are you QUITE sure that you come from such a place? That wasn’t some sort of lie, or jape?”
Sorry my bad let me just NOT know my own home address like I haven’t lived there for the past five years of my life and instead lie about some magical place I’ve totally lived my whole life. (￢_￢)
“Cool, whatever, look I’m boutta piss myself right now so do you like, have a bathroom around here?”
“Because if so- I… what?”
Bird man seemed confused at being cut off so Yuu being the kind hearted person he is repeated what he said.
“I’m boutta piss myself, is there a bathroom around here?” Yuu reiterated in a slower manner so that the bird guy got the gist of what he was trying to say.
“…. Down the hall, second door to the left.”
Yuu took off running, “YOU’RE A REAL ONE BIRD GUY!” Yuu screamed in order to let the bird guy know his thanks since he was just kind like that.
_______
Staring at himself in the mirror, Yuu realized that he previous clothes were gone and were instead replaced with more preppy clothes, which he like totally fucks with cuz it’s cute and all.
But also, Yuu realized that the alcohol was finally leaving their system as they only felt slightly dizzy and off centered now, so thats nice.
Drying his hands off on his pants, Yuu went back to where crow man was from earlier “hey thanks a lot bird ma-“ Yuu was swiftly cut off.
“Headmage.” Headmage?
“…Yes..?”
“Refer to me as Headmage.”
“…. Uh, sure.” Who the fuck refers to themself to their own title? Thats like the principal telling you to call them principal when you’re in the middle of a conversation instead of referring to them as their last name.
“I take it you’ve freshened up now?” Headmage bird huffed at Yuu in annoyance.
“Yeppers.”
“I take it you’re from a different planet then? As that would be the only explanation for your unknown home.” Mr. Headmage bird looked at them with expectancy
“Or perhaps you were summoned here from another dimension?” Dimension traveling, thats cool.
“Probably another dimension then? I mean, considering magic isn’t, y’know, real? It makes sense that this is a different dimension.” Can’t let bird guy know that I know I’m dreaming, honestly though, I’ve never lucid dreamed before but it’s pretty sick.
Mr. Headmage looked at me in disbelief, “show me everything that you brought here with you. Do you perhaps have a form of identification, a driver’s license perhaps? Or even a…shoe? You do seem a tad bit….empty-handed.”
Yuu pulled out a butterfly knife and a phone from an inner pocket hidden away in the robes, scared the fuck out of him earlier when he thought he lost his phone.
Yuu turned the phone on and realized he had smut open for the world to see and quickly turned his phone off.
Headmage bird stared at him in disappointment, Yuu faced his phone away from Headmage bird and quickly went to his photo gallery and pulled up a pic from when him and his siblings went to Disney land.
Showing the picture to Headmage bird, Yuu expected maybe a sign of recognition only for their not to be.
“Damn, if you don’t know this place then I doubt you’ll know any other place I show you.”
Headmage bird brought his hand under his to 𝘤𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘭𝘺 show that he was thinking, fuckin loser.
“Well, this is quite the predicament.”
Lol
“I cannot have someone with magic that no teacher can teach bumbling about my academy.” Who the fuck says bumbling nowadays????
“And yet, as an educator, I am loath to expel a young person without a cent to their name, or any ability to contact their guardian…” lmao for sure I guess.
“Truly, my grace is boundless.” K cool can I go now?
“Hmmmmm….” Lmao don’t think to hard, you’ll hurt your head.
“Ah! There is a vacant building on this campus. It was, in fact, used as a dorm a long-“
God does he talk a lot. (￢_￢)
______
Yuu took a good long look at the abandoned building and gravestones that stood in front of it.
‘Lmao ya no, I’m dipping the first chance I get’
“Isn’t it delightful? Right, scoot inside now. There you go.”
“Ew, like, genuinely ew. If I had asthma I would probably die within the first five minutes of me being in here.”
Headmage bird let out an awkward chuckle at that statement.
“This should keep the elements at bay for the time being. Now, I should return to my research. Do try to find some way too busy yourself.”
Great, now get the fuck outta here so I can dip, I’m tryna explore.
“But don’t let me catch you wandering the campus! Ta!” HOLY SHIT HE CAN READ MINDS!!? Fuck now I actually can’t leave now, he’ll magic man his way here the minute I step out the door and like… I dunno probably stab me or some shit.
Looking around, Yuu decided to sit on the couch by the window, dust and all be damned. Not even five minutes later did it start to pour.
Yuu pulled out their phone and went to their apple music to play a song he had downloaded in order to match the esthetic of being in an old house with rain pouring down.
‘Dark as the night’ it was. Pressing play, staticky noise was heard and Russian was being played, but for some reason Yuu could understand the words? Even though he doesn’t know Russian???
I mean sick as fuck, I guess. Is this what the mirror meant by ancient magic? The power of translation???
Staring out, Yuu looked at the forest before deciding to go to ‘Books’ seeing as he had no service and wanted to read.
Immersed in reading, Yuu was startled when he heard the door slam open only to see no one at the doorway.
“GWAH! It’s pouring out there!”
Looking down, Yuu realized why he didn’t immediately see them. It’s because it was a short little gnome that had walked in.
“Bahaha! That look on your face is priceless! Like a bat that got blasted by a water gun.” Oddly specific but for sure.
“As if I wouldn’t just sneak back on to campus the second I escaped pryin’ eyes. You all got no idea what I’m capable of!”
Yuu looked back onto their phone and started reading again as the cat started up his yap sesh.
“I ain’t givin’ up on goin’ here just ‘cause-“
‘-and Tanjiro knew he was selfish, his family had all but became demons while he was the only one who had managed to survive.
But he wanted to play family for a little longer. Wanted to continue being the reliable big brother, the hardworking son… their family.
[And the dark, troubled steppe has come to lie between us.]
Even if it meant giving up his morality, his humanity, he’d do it. For them… nothing mattered so long as he could continue being family with them… even if it meant killing those who have done no wrong.
Even if it means working with and using the very beings his family had turned into as a scapegoat for the killings. He’d do it for them and he would-‘
[Death is not terrible, we’ve met with it more than once in the steppe…]
Yuu was cut off from their reading as the wet cat decided to hop on the couch right next to them. Something about the roof having holes?
Yuu rolled his eyes and got off the couch to go explore while the cat started talkin’ mad shit bout how Yuu didn’t have magic and all that.
Yuu walked around in search for a room without a cat to get him dirty, while walking he swore he heard a creek.
Not like it matter’s anyways, worse comes to worse and he encounters a ghost he’ll just throw hands or some shit.
Damn is there a lot of cobwebs- three ghosts in capes and top-hats showed up in front of Yuu and just started floating there.
“Lmao you guys look like the marshmallow man.”
“Yee hee hee… Bwa ha ha ha ha.”
Goofy ahh laugh for real for real.
“We haven’t had visitors in ages!” I can tell.
“Oh, I’m just itchin’ for new friends!” Maybe go out and talk to people? Can you talk to people? He’s talkin to me though so I guess he can.
“Ah ha ha ha ha ha!”
“Sick, nice to meet ya I guess, do you have any clean rooms where I can stay?”
“…. Are you not scared?”
“I don’t know why I would. You guys have the appearance of a cartoon character that children would love, not really scary to be honest.”
“….”
“….”
“….”
“…. So about that room-“
“Hey, hurry it up over there- AAAAAH! GHOSTS! GHOOOOOOOOSTS!” That cat started screeching his ears off at the sight of the marshmallows.
“…. Seriously?”
“All the people who used ta live here got scared of us and ran away.”
Yuu snorted at the conjunction of being scared at these… beings? “Lmao fucking pussies.”
“We just want a new ghost to play with! What do you say, buddy?” The fat one questioned us.
“Lmao sure why not, but If I look anything like you guys then I want a refund.”
The three ghosts stared at Yuu in confusion, “Kid, you’re joking right?”
[I am glad, I am calm in deadly battle]
Yuu looked at their phone to pause their music, had it been on repeat for like, 10-15 minutes?
“Eeeeep!” Yuu looked over to the cat and noticed that it was shivering? Lmao what, it has fur and fire for ears yet it’s cold? Wild.
“I’m a master sorcerer! I ain’t afraid of any dumb ghosts!” Yuu cut into that statement “lol, it’d be embarrassing if you were scared of them.”
The cat, uhhhh Grime, glared at Yuu “Myahaaa.” Blue fire shot out from the cats hands and went towards the ghosts, burning the hardwood floor and giving the walls a charcoal gleam to them.
“Nuh-uh. Not even close.”
“Over here! Over here! Ah ha ha ha!”
Damn, they for real taunting him and for what?
“Argh! They keep disappearing and-“
Yuu tuned out the conversation and went back to the couch, it was still raining and he didn’t want to ruin the esthetic of doom and gloom so he went back to playing music.
This time he decided to put on one of his personal playlists, dubbed ‘3’, first song to play was ‘summer depresion’.
Yuu closed his eyes while listening to the music, leaning back onto the couch, he listens as the rain hits the window.
‘I want to wake up now, maybe I can convince Yvette to make dinner tomorrow. Haven’t had her cooking in a while.’
Yuu heard more screeches and jeering from the cat and taunts from the ghosts. Distant as it was, Yuu still found it annoying. He brought his legs to his chest, with his phone in his hand he raised the music and put his head between his legs.
[Summer depression comes every year
I just want to disappear
(Depression) Summer depression
There’s so much time to question my life
Summer depression
It’s my summer depression-
_______
Yuu woke up to the door opening again, Headmage bird was there with a bag.
[And you don’t seem the lying kind
A shame that I can read your mind]
Yuu paused the music to see what he was here for, yuu felt a warmth pressed against his side and noticed that the cat was lying against him.
“Good evening. In another gesture of my immense kindness, I have brought you dinner.”
At the word dinner, the cat seemed to lazily wake up.
“Myahhh…. Food…?”
Yuu felt the same way the cat did at that moment, kind of.
“Wait. That’s the creature we ejected for causing trouble at orientation! What id it doing here?!”
If the mention of food didn’t wake up the cat, then all the yelling certainly did.
“Took care of yer ghost problem, that’s what. You’re welcome, by the way!”
Headmage bird looked at the cat with disbelief before turning to Yuu, “What us the meaning of this, Yuu?”
“Quite literally just that, there were ghosts and our resident ghost buster over here decided to blast them with fire.” Yuu yawned and laid his head on top of his knees, looking at the little cat before closing his eyes again.
“Ghost buster…? But you know, on that topic, I do seem to recall that this dorm had a mischievous ghost problem.”
Yuu didn’t bother to look up at the bird, he was way to tired to give a fuck about anything at the moment.
“Ah, yes… That’s why it was abandoned, in fact. The ghosts scared away all the students. And you’re saying that you two joined forces to drive them away?”
“Joined forces” ain’t exactly how I’d describe it. More lime I drove ‘em away, and the human slept on the sidelines. And I only did it ‘cause I wanted some tuna.”
Grime looked at Yuu in anger “Hey… Wait a minute! I never got those cans of tuna ya promised!” …. When the fuck did I promise him tuna?
“Would you two be so kind as to demonstrate your ghost-eradication methods for me?”
“One, no, ‘cause I already wiped ‘em all out. And two, no, ‘cause where’s my tuna?!”
Yuu went to his phone to change the playlist, he realized something though while doing so. Even with him playing music on his phone for who knows how long, his battery percentage hasn’t gone down like, at all.
“I will play the part of the ghosts. As for the tuna. You’ll receive it when you defeat me. Oh, what generosity, Crowley…”
…. Who the fuck is Crowley?
“If you’re so generous, then I’m sure that you’ll be generous enough to clean up one of the beds for me, good as new.”
“Now to chug this transmutation potion!” Yuu rolled his eyes and clicked play on the playlist which he decided to name ‘BB101’.
The first song playing was ‘Doom Crossing: Eternal Horizen’. Yuu however decided to pause it before the girls actually started fight in order to get this shit right.
“Ah, you gotta be kiddin’ me. I gotta work together with the human?” Grime looked annoyed at the fact that he would have to work with Yuu.
“Do it for the clean bed an’ tuna lil’ man.”
“Hrmph. All right, but this is the last time. And I better be up to my jowls in tuna afterwards!”
What the fuck is a jowl and how does a cat know what it is and I don’t?
Yuu realizing that the fight was boutta start pushed play on the song and started giving out orders, all the while still sitting on the couch.
______
When the little mock battle was over, Yuu watched as the cat was panting, “…. Well?”
Headmage bird only starred on in interest, “incredible… I’ve never seen anyone bend a monster to their will quite the way you have.”
Yuu decided that now would probably be a good time to pause their music.
“I must confess, my educator’s intuition did sense something about you after that brouhaha at orientation, Yuu.” What the fuck happened at orientation again?
“I could tell you had a certain animal trainer-y, beast master-ish quality to you. Oh, yes. That said, I…” Headmage bird started mumbling to himself.
‘Lmao bro hella just made that shit up on the spot’
“So like, do you think you could fix up our room now? I’d at the very least like a clean bedroom and bathroom that me and Grime could use.”
“WHAT? A monster, stay HERE?”
“Whoa, did you just?… Wait, Grime!?”
Yuu cut off Grime before he could go on a tangent.
“Pretty please, I’m like, super tired right now and I don’t wanna shower in a dirty bathroom.” Yuu’s voice was super dead and he couldn’t even muster up a small smile, honestly he was way to tired to care enough about appearances. Wait, could you even get tired in dreams?
“Hmmm… I suppose I cannot deny your plea. Very well.”
Grime seemed excited at that, “Myah?! Really?”
“Let me be clear! Under no circumstances would I admit anyone to Night Raven College who has not been selected by the Dark Mirror - especially not a monster!” Damn that sucks, feels bad for Grime.
“Nor do I intend to allow you, Yuu, to freeload until you’re able to return home.” Fuck.
“Hrmph. Never shoulda got my hopes up…”
“Now, allow me to explain. It was the Dark Mirror that transported you here. Therefore this school does bear some responsibility for your well-being.” K cool I guess.
“So I will allow you to remain in this dorm, free of charge. However, you will need to pay for your own food, clothing, and incidentals.” What the fuck are incidentals?
“As to how you will do so, penniless as you are… Ah. Ah ha. Yes, a fine plan.”
“?”
“You needn’t seem so alarmed. I’m simply going to ask you to do a few odd jobs. From what you’ve done here, Yuu, I can tell you know your way around a broom.”
What work? I haven’t done anything? Like, at all?
“So what do you say to you two working together as a janitorial team?”
Yuu quickly shot that Idea down, “No, I’m fine with starving, thanks.”
“If you agree to that, I will make a special exception anf allow you to remain on campus.” Ignored, fuck you bird man.
“I’ll also allow you use of the library, so that you may study, and research ways to return home. How boundlessly charitable I am.” Kill yourself.
“Ah, but only when your work is over, of course!” I hope when you walk outside you step in a puddle and get your socks wet.
“Whaaat? What kinda deal is that?!” Spout that shit out for the world to hear Grime! Let that bitch know!!!
“I wanna put on one of those sweet uniforms and be a student, not sweep up people’s junk!” Oooh- see I dunno bout the student part but I defo don’t wanna clean, anyways, say that with your chest little man!
“If you’re not satisfied with my offer, I can arrange to have you thrown out again.” OH SHIT, SHOTS FIRED CUZ BRO LITERALLY GOT YOUR ASS GAGGED.
“Mayh?!…. All right, fine! Let’s do it.” Lmao good luck Grime cuz I’m defo not doing anything.
“Anyways can you clean up the room now? And, y’know, the bathroom?”
Headmage bird looked satisfied at the cats answer, “Wonderful. Then I beseech you both…. To work hard as the newest members of Night Raven College’s janitorial staff!”
K cool now fix the fucking bedroom you fat ass bird.