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If I were an ingenious being, I would have fled from his lips the moment they touched mine.
If I were a reserved being, I would have not teared into his tissues as if they were my last meal.
If I were a normal being, I would not have loved the man who seeks death in his every corner.
But I am not ingenious, reserved, nor fallen out of love for this man. I am the Monster’s crippling hand. And as he feeds in his darkness I am by his side, kissing away with my light.
This is our story.
: is it disdain or happiness?
Day One,
Buried in the masses of white fabric, misery seeps the dim apartment. Whispers in his mind seem to grow loud in volume as he tightly presses his eyes. No hatred could overcome his love and yet he tried to delve into the loathe of Armand. To see him not as the monster he loves but the monster who leaves him hanged dry.
Daniel is spent, depleted from the blood in his veins and Armand is not here to fulfill his promises. To be the air, to be the blood, to be his beating soul. He was meant to be his half. But where did he go?
He’ll come back.
He never strays too far.
He was like a pup, whimpering once he’d lost his owner. And Daniel held the leash.
At least he hoped he did this time.
The bustling noise of New York is numbed by the spasm of yearning in his body. It was as if his being knew he wasn’t by his side because; his heart bursts, his ribs ached and crackled, his eyes sore and ridden in tears. The side of their bed sores with the absence of his lover. His heart that does not beat, wishes to be ripped out, to have bare hands stuck in his chest and teared apart. Bones and muscle—blood and anguish.
What if this was the end?
What if he left for good?
How could I not love you? The words from a distant past plagues his body. Decades of each other and perhaps the deadline was urging them to loosen the thread.
But Daniel didn’t want anything loosen, in fact he’d tighten their cord so that it could never be cut. In fact, he’d place the string in his chest so Armand would carry a piece of him.
He’d fallen for a coward. A man who quivers at the slightest inconvenience, the man who will speak of adoring tales one day and leave him in the winter cold the next. The air in his apartment was so cold without his monsters ador heat. His lungs carry no oxygen, they deflate meticulously—he can no longer breathe without his presence.
He devoted many deaths to Daniel like a beautiful melody to its composer. He whispered many declarations that even in written form it wouldn’t justify his love. His words carried far more meaning than the fumblings on a page. Each enunciation held a tongue only they would understand.
A heart pulled from an insignificant mortal, placed all in front of him. Decorated with prescient adherence, I’ll give you my heart.
No swords to pierce their devotion but only they could conquer the battle of love. Only they could push through in their companionship. Their story would not end, he would call for him every night even if he would not hear him. He will crawl and bleed till he is on his knees, begging for him to stay.
Don’t you love me?
I love you more than anything.
Where was his monster?
Where did he hide when he doesn’t get his way?
Where does his cowardice seek for—his love couldn’t subjugate against?
Where was his monster?
Why did he miss him so?
It was only a day.
: i’ve heard a tale, the lamb & it’s wolf.
Day two
Vivid red embarked on his lips. He stained the iron like lipstick, and smiled in the reflections.
Let him reign in this death for his madness is no longer contained.
His monster has left him in winter cold, he must do something to find this heat.
He seeks in the night, goes to the bars, and lures the men into his being. They never touch no— he was made only for his monster. His loyalty shimmers in the fangs bestowed upon, his ache growing stronger.
The blood does not relieve the angst in his veins. The blood gives a temporary fix, like the drugs in his mind when his human self feels it sufficient. But he was no longer the naive Bambi. He was the luring lamb, allowing himself to be sacrificed over and over again all for his wolf to indulge in him.
His monster's words haunt him in every wake, he begins to tether his lungs to his heart. With every breath he takes, a blood stream of his fiery love bursts through his veins. He misses his monster. He misses being able to breathe.
It was the hunt that gave him a better fix. Like a junkie searching for his last heroin injection—he’d found his victim. And they’d taste divine. But there was no higher divinity than the monster in his heart. Where will he go now?
No sharp teeth to shatter him in submission. No guidance to kill clean and not recklessly bloody. His mind awakes in his voice till it is the symphony that never quiets.
No, Daniel. Kill him with precision.
Vampirism suits you well now, death only enhances your forever beauty.
I'd give it all to you all over again. My love never ceases in these years.
Nothing will rid me of you. It is as if your skin sheds onto mine, I have you. You are mine. Mine. Mine.
You are mine, forever and always. And I’m yours. Forever and always.
A chord struck in his heart. The strings of his words emit a trance for stability. But what balance did he have now that a half of him was afar?
He believed he was not in New York any longer. Could not feel him as his own. Could not tighten the string of their instrument. His bond was not severed, it could never be.
But he felt him no longer.
And the madness caved in. His fangs sought vengeance. A fix. And he was the junkie searching for his monster. To have the drug of his kisses back in his veins, to swarm the drug in his teeth till it was all he could taste. But he was not here. So Daniel finds it in four humans that night. He leaves them bloody and reckless.
It was only day two.
: and in the hollows of night,
i hear your cries.
Day Three
Three days, he’d gone without hearing from him. It was three days too many. He would not go mad at the silence anymore, instead on the third night, he immersed himself in his workings. As he investigates the murders, writes them in his own compelling way—it is not enough. He hears his voice when he does not want to. And it’s obsessive really, his therapist would call it codependency. How he curls into himself at night when his arms could not cradle his body. How his mind raves on about his whereabouts, if he’s fed enough, if he's going to continue to eat those damned rats.
Damn that vampire. Damn him for leaving when it was only convenient. And damn Daniel for always allowing him to come back. All he had to do was say those words and look into his eyes, he was his again. He’d never be anyone else’s. Only his.
His voice putters in syllables, his breath fading in memory and it’s only been three days.
They’d fought again, this time of his hobbies , which contained murder and technological obsession. He’d grown exhausted of this city, and Daniel thought he meant he’d grown out of him. That his love, his need could no longer amount to how he desired. And the vampire, always so calculated in his words, only seems to worsen the thought. He stared at Daniel like an insect, peering through his insides—snapping his bones for clarity. And then, he was gone. Faded in the night.
It’s been three days. Far bounded in the distance, Daniel decides he needs air. His supply had been the breaths exchanged as his vampire kissed him hungrily. His mind swirls of passion red as scarlet bleeds from his lips. The healing of his wounds only urged the ache of him.
The streets of New York seemed dull of life without the man of death by his side. The lights flickering above as he strolls, the wet splashes of his feet, and the jittering of his fingers. He fumbles with a cigarette, igniting it as the smoke frees from his lips. He continues his walk, ignoring the man that can’t take a hint. It’d be his death.
“Are you headed home?” The man questions, his smile glittering and jeered. He leans into Daniel, who smokes a cloud in his face. Daniel turns, tilts his head,
“Is it you?” He whispers and the man's eyes flicker in confusion.
“I can be whatever you want me to be, baby. Take me home with you.” The man flirts, his taunts gnawing at Daniel's stomach. Daniel complements on killing this man, allowing his rage and ache for his monster to take over, he could feel the purr of his fingers—“You’d kill for me?” He would say, a glint of evil, a smile of wondrous beauty. He’d say the word and Daniel would be at his feet, crawling and patterning for his attention, “I’d do anything for you.” A devoted whisper, never a lie. He’d never lie to him.
“Come with me.” Daniel whispers, flicking away his cigarette and grasping his fingers around the man’s hand. The man, delighted at the invitation to his death, grins and places a hand on his waist.
Daniel feels the presence before he sees it. He ignores it. Three days. Three days. Three fucking days.
The man and Daniel head home. The streetlights of New York as their guide, and the looming shadow as their stalker. Daniel tries to mask his amusement but he knows his monster feels it. Knows he feeds off it.
The warm light flickers against the pool of their bodies. The tugging of clothes stripped away, and once the man is down to his jeans, he whispers his name.
“Peter.” He moans, Daniel kisses well. He does very well in pleasuring the men around him, he did it best with his monster. How he adored the release of control, how the more he pushed the more the vampire relished.
The door is shut, a body pressed against it. He feels the prickling presence. His lungs open wide at the feeling, the ease of breathing. He was home. Daniel continues to kiss the human, open mouthed pants, teeth clashing a—
“You’ve made your point, Daniel.” A shadow, a whisper but it was him. And as hope blossomed like spring, so did a justified rage. Simmers of angry red seeping through his body, Daniel continues to indulge himself in the human, Peter .
“Have I?” He questions,
“You have, beloved.” He only hears him, feels him but he cannot see him. He’s turned his back, Daniel knows if he were to see his monster face he’d be withering in his arms.
“I don’t believe I have.” Daniel tuts,
“I cleaned your messes of the other night. You’ve been reckless.” The whispers growing in volume, he’s getting closer. Daniel pictures a void, removes his lips entirely from the human. A grasping hand on his chest and he turns.
“Didn’t have my teacher by my side, it got the best of me.” He spats, the shadow emulating from its light. And his monster, one filled with darkness glows in the night. From his sooty dark curls, to his blank expression, and those acidic golden yellow eyes cursing him to decades of holiness. Daniel would bring himself to his knees, and pray for his love, his touch, everything that is his to be his own.
“Did you miss me that much, beloved?” Daniel's heart pangs at the question. Did he miss him that much? Does the sun rise every morning? Does the moon ache for its heat when their eclipses come ever so rarely?
“Um? Who’s this?” The human, Peter breathes out, diluted in lust and drugs.
“Armand. The love of this wretched beautiful creature's life.” His monster smiles, Daniel tries his best to not let it guide him into stupidity. The very one emotion that’d have him back in his palm no questions asked.
“And you still left.” Daniel bickers, Armand tilts his head guiding the lights to dim. The golden glow embodies their shadows. Daniel tries to ignore the angelic halo from his monster, tries to ignore his urges to kiss him till there is no breath to take.
“You weren’t being rational.” Armand states,
“So you leave for three days?” He inquires, azure crystal eyes narrowed.
“You continue to contradict my love for you.” The monster whispers,
“And you keep proving it.” His voice cracks, fuck, he was not supposed to crumble in this moment.
“Should I leave?” Peter’s voice breaks the heaviness placed between the two demons. Armand nods quickly while Daniel turns back to the human, a hand caressing his skin. Daniel feels the piercing eyes at the action.
“No. Stay. He’s leaving.” He speaks softly to the human, then turns back to Armand with a glare.
“I am not. What? You’ve missed me, I know you have. You kept the windows open every night. And though you couldn’t call me as you did before, you wished for me.”
“I was waiting for you. When you didn’t come the third night I went on to have my fun.”
“With this loose human?” His rage came out, and there he was. Daniel's beloved monster, the blood drinker of nightmares.
“He’ll keep me satisfied. He won’t leave after.” He teases, bringing the human forward, hiding behind the nape of his neck. His fangs glinting with a smirk, Daniel touches the human with intimacy—one reserved only for his monster.
Armand watches with intensity, rage consuming him but he only betrays his blankness when Daniel kisses Peter’s neck. He was fast, one moment Daniel was kissing against Peter the next Peter laid unconscious aside their kitchen counter, bleeding.
“Because you’d drain him dry, leave his remains for me to study. I know you darling, do not try to be someone you’re not.” Armand sneers, his nose caressing Daniel’s as he brings himself closer into his being. Daniel is annoyed at his truth, annoyed at how he quickly dismissed the human, it was just starting to feel fun. But Armand was right, it was the only reasoning for bringing a meal back here, it was an offering.
“Is that it? Am I too predictable for you, it’s why you had to leave?” He questions, anger was not enough emotion to describe the feeling in his bones. How could he leave? What whispers were said that night cursing him of his absence?
“Daniel. I left to prove a point.” Armand tries to state but Daniel would not hear it, what point needed to be made when I cannot live without you?
“And that point being?” He whispers, looking into those devoted golden specks, “I’m miserable without you.” His monster whispers, a kiss pressed against his neck softly. Daniel shivers. Then he’s reminded.
“Yeah? Prove it.” He festers, pushes against his monster and Armand inhales to contain himself, but Daniel knows how to tease his demon, knows the right ways to show how evil he can get.
“What? Shall I open my chest and let you see the decay of my heart? How it withers when you are not near?” He questions and Daniel feels the goosebump fill his being, the excitement of seeing his bare chest, to see him bleed and hurt just as he has.
“Yes. Open it let me see you bleed. Endure more anguish just as I have in your absence.” Daniel says softly, but his eyes betrayed his restraint. Trailing against his chest that was cursed with a white shirt, Armand removes it quickly—he brings his nail between them and slides it down his chest. The opening of his heart never beating but showcasing enough for Daniel to see his adherence.
“Shall I gift you the heart as well?” He whispers, Daniel traces the wound now beginning to seal, he takes a bloody finger and presses it against his teeth. Armand’s eyes darken.
“I could not breathe. Your points are useless when I was gasping for air, my demon. You do not leave me. Do you understand?” Daniel demands, his own haze of blood lust containing him. Armand nods obediently, “I understand, beloved.”
“Did you miss me?” Daniel asks, Armand quickly answers, pressing himself against Daniel’s body.
“Tremendously. Did you not feel it? That pull of ache?” He moans as he wraps his arms around his waist, inhaling the sweet scent of his flesh.
“I thought it was just my own…it was you too?” Daniel pants, kisses gifted by Armand’s lips trailing down his neck.
“I’m sorry, beloved. This city has his dull moments but I’ve only had light ones with you. I love you.” Armand rarely apologizes and when he does, it was this intense passion. He speaks of love constantly, allowing himself to be molded into Daniel like clay.
“You do?”
“I do.”
“Don’t do that again asshole. You don’t leave for three days to prove a point.” Daniel cusses, and Armand just nods. Kissing every part of him but his lips, Daniel is amused at his own restraint.
“What should I do next time?” Armand asks, answering to every prayer Daniel slights. He’d be his God in every lifetime.
“Show me how much you love me.” Daniel whispers,
“Only if you do the same.” Armand pants,
“Should I prove it now?” Daniel smiles, turning to the bleeding human.
The human cradles against himself, the two monsters branch over him with gleaming fanged smiles. It was a poem to each other. A kill blessed within their love. Armand tears in Peter's neck, and Daniel rips into his chest. A heart beating in his, Daniel looks into his monster with a devoted smile. Armand seemed to be dazed, his beauty shuddered with blood and a heart to give him.
Daniel places the heart in Armand’s hands, a promise laced beneath the action. Armand doesn’t say anything but his blood stained tears overcome him, and Daniel quickly kisses them away. The screams of the human subdued and it was just the monster and his light.
He was courted constantly in his being, he’d love this man for the rest of his everlasting life. They feast on the human till he is nothing but dejected afterthought. They were now far too conjoined in each other, the blood on their lips not their own, but they kissed with such fervor passion it didn’t matter.
Blood stains their sheets but they pay no mind. Immersed in each other's presence, their reward laying in a plastic cadaver. A cigarette is lit and smoked, the air consumed with the burning smell. Daniel sits against the headboard, Armand laying so near him as if he’d wish to be in his skin. To wear it at all times, bestow how much of each other they belong to. His hands are busied in the soft curls of Armand, the vampire looks up with curiosity. He could no longer hear his thoughts, he’d have to ask now. It was odd, but almost reassuring for their love. Armand wasn’t afraid to ask. Not anymore.
“So should we move?” Daniel questions softly, the haze of lust soothing his touch, voice, and eyes.
“New York has seen all of us. Where should we go?” Armand hums, puckering his lips for an inhale.
“How about Paris,” Daniel kicks for amusement, Armand narrows his eyes just as his lover places the cigarette between his lips.
“I’m kidding! Sweden?” Daniel quickly remarks, and Armand smiles exhaling smoke.
“Too much frolicking.” He says with a contorted expression.
“Rome?” Another place of bad memories, perhaps Daniel and Armand could make new ones.
“To theatrical.” Armand ironically states, “I thought you enjoyed the theater.” Daniel inquires with a raised eyebrow.
“I enjoy your company much more.” He says softly, pressing himself further into Daniel.
“San Francisco?” Daniel says and the moment he does, their world stops. They stare into each other, the answer already placed despite the emptiness of words.
“Back to where it all began.” Armand replies softly, a smile never ceasing from his lips.
“It’s kinda full circle.” Daniel shrugs, wondering why he hadn’t thought of it sooner. Another place filled with memories never escaped but they’d become easier, the love they shared was stronger.
“Then that's where we’ll move.” Armand declares, the sides of Daniel eyes crinkled as he smiles
“Yeah?” He echoes,
“Yeah. Our new beginning to one of our endings.” He voices and Daniel couldn’t help himself. The cigarette is forgotten in the ashtray and he places his hands on Armand’s sculpted face, he kisses him with the same passion but it was different.
Tissues pressed against each other, whispers of undeniable loyalty, and the heaviness of their stopped hearts become synced. Their bodies move as one, they are conjoined parts of each other. His rib was his, his breath was his lungs, and his heart was always, always, always his.
In this new beginning, their love would never fade.
In this new beginning, their wholeness would never become a void.
In this new beginning, Daniel would always be Armand’s light as Armand would always be his monster.
Together, they rule their nights. Together, they love ruthlessly.