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Taira and Azuma had been dating for a few weeks by this point.
They had to admit it was a bit awkward in the beginning. Racing feelings, flushed faces, stumbling over words. There were also the fleeting touches and thoughts they were too embarrassed to verbalize. Unspoken words hung in the air, opting to walk close together as a display of affection. Recently they gained the courage to hold hands, the blush blooming on their faces betraying their nonchalant front.
Azuma was already acquainted with this newfound self consciousness, having realized her feelings far before the thought ever occurred to Taira. Taira was used to feeling self conscious, but not around Azuma. He had learned to feel comfortable around her, which was ironic considering that she was a reminder of something he was constantly lamenting over: the past. Back then they never paid each other much mind, only truly becoming friends by proximity in high school.
Taira had been avoiding her prior to their friendship, deliberately boarding the train that stopped farther from the exit. Eventually he switched over to the same train car as her, but the crowdedness led to him revealing the one he rode before. In the moment he worried that she’d realize he had been avoiding her, but she could only think, does this mean he changed cars to be with me?
After some inner turmoil on Taira’s end, they had ultimately chosen each other. Despite all of the fears and uncertainty, they loved each other and treasured the relationship they had. Both knew that they didn’t want to lose the other, and together they came to the conclusion that it wouldn’t hurt to give it a try. Azuma did her best to pull Taira from the past and the future into the present, savoring the time they got to spend together.
That day with a wide smile on her face, she reassured him, “You can count on me, okay? We’re in this together.” He really needed to hear that, as he had a nasty habit of getting stuck in his head. His inferiority complex was the thing that discouraged him from pursuing a relationship with her in the first place. He worried that he wouldn’t be able to make it last, and he felt himself to be incapable of change.
However, Azuma knew better. She observed him changing throughout the years, gradually coming out of his shell and allowing himself to smile and be comfortable with others. He was so different from when they were second years, and it made the corner of her eyes wrinkle as a feeling of fondness overtook her. Azuma just wished this happiness would last forever, and Taira loved to see her smile.
This brought them to the present day. The two were walking in their neighborhood, passing the restaurant where they had their first date.
“Are you excited to see my house?” Azuma chirped, her free arm swinging back and forth.
“Yes, thank you for having me…” Taira’s voice came out much more reserved, but he gave Azuma’s hand a squeeze.
Her mouth curved up in response, “I’m glad you’re coming, I’m usually home alone.” She strategically planted this piece of information, as she had with her past boyfriends. They were always eager to put their hands on her.
Taira seemed to skip over the implications, “So that’s why you’re always asking everyone to hang out.”
She gave him a weak punch, “Hey! It’s not my fault!”
Taira chuckled in response, “My mom and sister are usually home if you get lonely.”
Azuma’s eyes lit up, “Sister? I didn’t know you had a sister!”
Taira looked away, bringing a hand up to scratch his temple, “Well… I spend a lot of time in my room, I guess.”
“And you say I have too much time, you’re a shut in!” Azuma teased. Upon seeing Taira’s face getting all gloomy she immediately tried to rebound with, “I’m just kidding.”
“I’m depressed because you’re right…” Taira muttered. He thought back to the relief he felt when his friends suggested making plans over winter break, as all he had was work and video games…
“That just means we have more time to spend together! And that you’re free to keep me company~.”
“Mmgh…” Taira blushed, embarrassed. “Yeah…” He trailed off, but Azuma could see his smile. She tightened her grip on his hand and began swinging their arms together.
“Here we are!” She announced as they walked up to her house. It looked just like Taira’s, which wasn’t surprising considering they live in the same neighborhood. He wondered if it would also look like his on the inside, or if it would be flipped. Upon walking in, Azuma pulled off her shoes, “Feel free to make yourself at home.” She said with a sort of lazy smile. It made Taira gulp, remembering that they are alone, and that Azuma is a pretty girl. And that… she likes him. And he likes her. Trying to regain his composure, he looked away and nodded with a small noise of affirmation. He took off his shoes and set them neatly against the wall. There weren’t any parents to impress, but he still felt like he needed to be polite and give a good impression.
“Do you want a house tour or wanna go straight to my room?” She asked.
Taira took a moment to think it over, “Mmm…” Honestly, he didn’t think he needed a house tour. If he needed to know where the bathroom was he could just ask, but he figured it’d make Azuma happy if he went along with it. “House tour,” He decided. She beamed in response, which must mean he chose correctly.
“Okay~! Well here is the living room, this is the kitchen…” She rattled off as they went through each room. Her house wasn’t too big, and like Taira assumed, the layout was similar to his. He enjoyed looking around though. His house was decorated in a much more traditional homey sense, with family photos neatly arranged on shelves. Azuma on the other hand, her house was flashy. Patterned throw pillows and colors left no blank spaces in the house. Taira wondered if it was so busy in an attempt to make the house feel less empty. A singular photo on a side table caught his eye, it was of Azuma and her mother. At least he thinks it’s her mother, she looks pretty young. Her hair is clearly dyed, black roots beginning to emerge and disrupt the blonde. Taira’s eyes flickered over to Azuma’s roots, wondering if her hair was dyed too. If so, she did a good job at maintaining it.
“And this…” Azuma paused for dramatic effect, “Is my room!” She exclaimed, opening the door. The door itself was already indicative of being her bedroom, it was decorated with a name plaque and some stickers. She spun around and looked at Taira expectedly as they entered, “Tada~ you like it?”
Taira looked around and nodded, “It’s really organized.” It was rather compact, immediately he thought that she made way better use of her space than he did. Her bed was tucked into one corner of the room, and across from it was a small triangular corner shelf, designed to sit neatly in between the walls. Next to her bed was a larger shelf with perfume bottles lined up on top of it. They look fancy… Taira thought. One was adorned with a bow, and all of them had elegantly designed labels. She had some storage boxes and books lined the shelves. He wondered what was inside of them. Makeup? Photos? Accessories? Azuma was pretty stylish… In the middle of the room there was a large fluffy rug and a table. Leaning against the wall was a full body mirror.
“Everything piles up. Clothes, books, cosmetics… you have to get creative with how you store it all,” Azuma said thoughtfully, recalling all of the shopping trips she went on with friends, “You can put your stuff down anywhere.”
Taira sat his bag next to the bookshelf and followed Azuma who kneeled in between the table and the bed. He got down next to her and folded his legs, but he felt rather awkward as he took up a lot more space. When looking around the room, Taira had also taken notice of how much larger his bed was in comparison to hers. It gave him a lot of legroom. He was on the taller side, which he hated as it made him stand out more. It was uncomfortable, he felt like he got in everyone’s way.
Azuma had set down her stuff and took out some of the workbooks and references she used to study. That’s the excuse she used to lure Taira here. It was always, Wanna study? Azuma learned this, asking to study in a private place was always code for something else. She would follow it for now, but it always turned into something else.
“What are you focusing on right now?” Azuma asked, piercing through the silence and trying to calm swirling feelings of warmth and excitement. Taira sat close, and it made her nervous. She couldn’t shake his presence. How their hands were nearly touching, the rising and falling of his chest. She had to restrain herself from crawling into his lap. His crossed legs made a little basket that almost seemed like a place meant for her to nestle in. Her boyfriends in the past, they always moved fast. She knew what guys wanted, and she didn’t mind giving it. She had always been a whatever’s fine type of girl. All she wished for was to be close to Taira… but he was uncharted territory. So different from anyone she had ever been with. She wondered if he would be different in this regard as well.
It had taken them a few weeks to be comfortable with hand holding. With other guys, they’d be far past kissing by now. Azuma wondered when they would have their first kiss. Human instinct was not something you could easily fight, though. Maybe his desires would win. Maybe lust would rear its ugly head again. Azuma didn’t know what she wanted. Those boyfriends always disappeared after they got it, but she wanted to be loved…
“I’m working on memorizing math formulas right now…” Taira sighed dejectedly, reaching over the table to grab his bag and get the materials out.
“Plug n chug~,” Azuma hummed, actually looking over her work. Taira’s not like them. She thought as she buried the habitual routine deep. The familiar phrase elicited a chuckle from Taira, which brought a smile to Azuma’s face. Other people may think it’s weird, but she’ll never get tired of his laughter.
After studying in silence for a while, Azuma’s head slumped against Taira’s shoulder. The words on the page don’t make sense anymore… Her eyelids fluttered as she allowed herself to rest her mind. Taira couldn’t help but shift, both from an onset of nervousness and wanting to ensure Azuma’s comfort. I hope her neck doesn’t hurt later. The tips of his ears reddened. Taira stared at the work in front of him, but Azuma’s weight against him made Taira’s heart drum in his ears. Wouldn’t hurt to take a break… Taira concluded. Not wanting to disturb her too much, Taira looked behind them at the pillows on the bed. He reached out and grabbed it, propping it behind the two of them. Taira allowed himself to become limp against the pillow, which was quite soft and molded to their forms.
Azuma’s chest rose and fell as her rhythmic breathing filled the room. Taira’s eyes flicked over to her, and his head tilted slightly to get a better view of her face. Before he knew it, Taira was pushing a strand of Azuma’s hair back. Something he had seen in movies before. The feeling of her soft hair brushing against her cheek… Taira couldn’t feel anything other than content. He didn’t want to push, but his arms itched to embrace her. His gaze lingered on her lips, and he wondered if he could get away with stealing a kiss.
As soon as he thought it, Taira quickly reprimanded himself and swung his head away. He couldn’t disrespect Azuma like that…! The quick movement stirred her awake as she fell forward, eyes wide with shock.
“Whoa!” Taira exclaimed, moving to catch her. Her arms leaned against his chest, fists balled in an effort to brace the fall she might’ve had. After catching her breath, Azuma looked up at Taira and bursted into laughter.
“Ahahaha! You look so worried~,” It came out teasing, but she was very happy.
Taira looked away as his brows furrowed, “Fine, fall then.” He said, but Azuma grabbed his shirt.
“Wait, no!” She laughed, desperately pleading, “Don’t let me go!”
“We’re already on the floor… there’s not much farther you can fall,” Taira snickered.
“Oh yeah?” Azuma took that as a challenge. She pushed him to the floor and grabbed his wrists, pinning them to the sides of his head. “Got you~” She smirked. Her long blonde hair cascaded down and brushed his cheeks, her eyes glittered with mischief. Taira’s eyes widened and his cheeks flushed. Even though he could likely- no, definitely push her off effortlessly, he remained where he was. He was practically paralyzed, what should he even do in this situation? He looked at the Azuma towering above him, her smile joyful as always.
Her eyes then softened as she lowered her head down, “Is this okay?” She asked. Finding himself unable to speak, he just gave a weak nod as he squeezed his eyes shut. His heart was pounding so loud, and everything was fuzzy. He braced himself as he felt soft lips against his. Suddenly, his wrists were released and he felt hands wrap around his back, pulling him up. Azuma then pulled away, her expression so gentle it made Taira’s breath catch in his throat.
Her eyes then darted to the floor, seeming nervous, “Was… that okay?” She could’ve been blushing harder than he was.
When his words failed, Taira took her into an embrace. “You’re amazing, Azuma,” Taira didn’t know it was possible to be so loved. He stayed like that, not wanting Azuma to see the tears welling in his eyes. She reciprocated the hug, laughing.
“Good!” She laughed, bouncing back to her usual upbeat disposition. The relief in her voice was not lost on him though.
He pulled back and took a few strands of her hair, rubbing it in between his fingers as he looked at her through lidded eyes. A feeling of quiet joy buzzed beneath his skin as pink dusted his cheeks.
Suddenly Azuma looked all nervous again, and her hands grabbed the hem of her shirt. At first Taira thought she was just fiddling with it, but she began to pull it up. Huh?! His hands flew over hers, pulling it back down. She hadn’t gotten past her midriff, but Taira was still glowing with embarrassment, “What are you doing?!”
Azuma sat in disbelief for a moment, then covered it up with laughter as she brought a hand to her mouth, “Oh my god, I totally misread that! Sorry, force of habit.” Taira wondered what she meant.
“Did you think I…?” He couldn’t finish his sentence, a look of horror on his face. Was he pressuring her to do something she didn’t want to do? He became wrapped in worry, did she think he was some kind of pervert or something…?
“Nah, I just forgot you aren’t like them…” She rested her head against his chest trying to hide her humiliation. “Suzuki said I always end up with losers because of high acceleration,” Azuma pulled back to do a physical demonstration, “Like, pshoo!” She gestured with her hands. “I would just tell them whatever’s fine, y’know… Like I always just thought that’s what a relationship was ‘cus that’s all they wanted to do in the end… You probably think I’m gross now, right?” She said self-deprecatingly, avoiding eye contact.
Taira furiously shook his head, “No, that’s not it at all!” He affirmed. “I’m mad at them for using you like that. You don’t just do that to someone…!” He grabbed her shoulders as he tried his best to reassure her, “You are way more than that! You… you’re always kind and make others feel welcomed! You don’t judge people and you don’t care what others think of you! You aren’t ashamed of who you are and that’s amazing! And you always try to help others and give people more chances than they deserve!”
Azuma blinked, stunned. Suddenly, tears welled in her eyes as her lips began to quiver. Looking like a kicked puppy, she sprung forward, wrapping her arms around Taira, “Waaaaaah! What did I do to deserve youuuu…” She bawled. That’s what I’m thinking… Taira thought, face scrunching in embarrassment at his sudden outburst. Letting out a breath he didn’t know he was holding, Taira returned the hug and patted her back reassuringly.
Once Azuma calmed down, she sat back and rubbed her eyes, “The guys I used to date… they always left as quickly as they came. But you…” Her eyes got all teary again, “I’m serious about you!!! I really, really…”
Taira squeezed her hand as he felt a familiar wave of calmness wash over him, “I love you too, Azuma. Thank you for everything you’ve done for me.”
Azuma’s brows furrowed, “You say that like a goodbye or something!” She whined as she playfully punched him.
“Don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere. Let’s just slow down, okay?”
She bit her lip and nodded, “Yes! Okay! Don’t make me cry again!” Despite her fragility, she was beaming.