Chapter Text
Lelouch looks up just in time to get kicked in the face.
Later, he will reflect on just how familiar the kick was, but right now his jaw is stinging from where he barely managed to get his arms in the way (belated thank you, ten years of half-assed self defense training) and he’s flat on the ground, a soldier’s hand around his throat. “Are you Britannian?” he manages to choke out.
“That’s enough mindless murder,” the soldier growls. Lelouch can’t place it, but there’s something familiar about his voice. “Planning to use poison gas? Don’t play dumb with me.”
“Get off me!” He must’ve surprised the other by how he actually manages to get him off. “I’m not here by choice,” he tries to explain, although this soldier seems unlikely to listen to him. Then the realization sets in, and the old simmering anger that always flows through his veins rises up and he stalks forward into the light, Imperial rage on his face. “ Mindless murder. If that’s poison gas, it was made in Britannia, wasn’t it?”
The soldier, uncharacteristically, pauses at that. “Perhaps.”
“Then why don’t you just destroy Britannia?”
That, of course, is when the thing next to them starts glowing. Lelouch is thrown backwards and for a moment he’s tempted to snap that he doesn’t need a knight, but then, well. A girl falls out of the ball.
Definitely not poison gas.
The two of them stare at her for a moment before Lelouch manages to get his wits about him and check on her. The soldier joins him, undoing the straight jacket, eyes wide under his visor and Lelouch can’t resist sneering, “Poison gas?”
“I swear that’s what they said in the briefing.”
A search light turns on suddenly and the soldier stiffens. Lelouch pulls the girl closer, thoughts swirling because this--this is what he’s been waiting for. He barely keeps one ear on the conversation in front of them, plans already forming in his head. The Viceroy must know about this, there’s no other way the army would have such bad intel other than it being deliberate. And the news had said the terrorists had stolen it…
Oh, Clovis is going down in disgrace, isn’t he?
“Private Kururugi, take this and execute the terrorist.”
Lelouch’s mind freezes. Private Kururugi?
The soldier takes off his helmet to better plead with the captain, and Lelouch gets a glimpse of brown curls, then green eyes as he turns around to gesture, and all Lelouch can think is fuck, and what little relief he feels when the soldier--when Suzaku refuses to shoot him without evidence is utterly destroyed by the captain’s smirk and the sound of a gunshot.
“Suzaku!”
The power of the King works even with his chosen name.
“I, Lelouch vi Britannia, command you to die.”
It’s a less painful death than they deserve after what they did to Suzaku.
He doesn’t really expect Clovis to remember him, and there’s not a chance at this point he’ll recognize him if Suzaku didn’t. Lelouch really doesn’t want to say what he knows he’ll have to. But he needs Clovis to know who he is for this to work. Plus, it’s not like he intends to let Clovis live long enough to do anything more than answer his question. He’ll live with falling back into that old identity for as long as it takes to do this.
“Perhaps a nice game of chess?” Clovis proposes at the end of his sarcastic tirade, and Lelouch resists the urge to laugh.
“That has a familiar ring.” He hates it, but as he takes the helmet off he deliberately stops lowering his voice, letting it rise up into what might be its standard contralto, “Don’t you recall? The two of us used to play chess together as children.”
“What?”
“Don’t you remember? At the Aries villa?”
Clovis isn’t getting it. Lelouch dreads what comes next, but he has to do it if he wants answers. And so, he steps into the light. At least the armor will hide the parts he refuses to explain to Clovis. “Been a long time, big brother. The eldest child of Imperial consort Marianne and seventeenth in line to the Imperial throne, Lucina vi Britannia, at your service.”
“Lucina? But I thought--”
“That I was dead? You were wrong. I have returned, Your Highness, and I’ve come back to change everything.”
He’s halfway home after everything, after killing those soldiers and stealing a Knightmare and somehow defeating Clovis’s forces even with that strange white Knightmare, after shooting the perpetrator of everything in the eye, when Lelouch realizes that he can’t tell Nunnally about Suzaku. What is he even supposed to say? Our childhood friend sacrificed himself for me and he didn’t even realize it? So he says nothing, dragging himself to bed early with the excuse he isn’t feeling well. He lies there and can’t believe that after everything, all he can think is at least Clovis didn’t mention my hair.
It hits later, and he can hear Nunnally’s concerned voice from her room as he throws up in the bathroom, shaking, seeing the spatter of blood on his borrowed armor. He doesn’t have to put effort into the shake in his voice as he murmurs it’s just a stomach bug and he’ll be fine after he gets some sleep.
Seeing Suzaku on TV in the middle of them finally announcing Clovis’s death is a shock. He doesn’t snap out of his daze until Milly elbows him, and then he pretty much blindly takes Nunnally back to their rooms, to the rest of the council’s confusion and Milly’s hidden sympathy for the thing he already knew.
He will not let Suzaku take the fall for this.
At least he’s alive.
Lelouch is aware that Kallen’s suspicious of him, so he has to change his voice when he shows up as Zero. He lets it… go higher. Strangely, with the necessary details of the mask and cape, it doesn’t make him want to crawl out of his skin like it did with Clovis. Is it just because he’s not pretending to be her again? Kallen doesn’t recognize him, thankfully. Even more thankfully, the plan goes off without a hitch.
Suzaku doesn’t recognize his voice even when his control slips as Suzaku walks away and he calls him an idiot in the highest pitch his voice has been in almost a decade. He doesn’t know what he would have done if that had caused him to turn around.
Who’s the bigger fool, the fool or the one who begs him?
He’s never understood relationships, not like half the people in his class do. It’s more than hiding his identity, it’s more than hiding his… divergence in a world that would ridicule and discard him for it. They just don’t process. What does process, what he may be sitting in his desk chair staring at the moon thinking about because it’s better than the woman currently occupying his bed or the image of Suzaku walking away, is the sheer protective anger he’d felt as he’d pulled the shock collar off his oldest friend and seen the bruises and burns beneath it. And he thinks that maybe—maybe that feeling is what they were talking about, or close enough he can pretend a little better next time Milly or Rivalz try to tease out who he has a crush on.
Now is really not the time for a gender crisis, he has to scold himself as he listens to after-action reports. The media is so confused about who he actually is, using every single pronoun they’re allowed for him, sometimes even interchangeably, and he doesn’t mind it-- no, his mind is using this as a distraction from Suzaku’s foolishness. And from CC’s existence. That’s all.
The next few days are a blur of preparations and intelligence gathering and avoiding the sheer amount of pizza CC orders (he should just teach her to make it). Lelouch fully blames her for him absolutely not realizing who’s standing at the front of the classroom until the newcomer speaks. “I’m Suzaku Kururugi.”
Fuck.
He heads back to the clubhouse to find Nunnally for lunch, avoiding all the commotion around Suzaku because he cannot deal with that right now, because what if Suzaku runs into Nunnally. That would blow their careful cover out of the water, so he has to warn Nunnally and then find a way to let Suzaku know who they are (who he is) without it turning into a disaster. “Nunnally?”
“In here!” she calls from the little dining room. Lelouch saunters in as carefully as he can, but Nunnally is already frowning at him. “You’re worried.”
He sighs and sits down next to her. She’s eating goddamn pizza. He snags a piece and chokes it down because he is hungry, but would have preferred literally anything else. “Suzaku just transferred in.”
Nunnally lights up like a Christmas tree. “Really?”
“Nunnally, he hasn’t seen me since--” he makes a vague gesture she can’t see and accompanies it with a frustrated groan. “If he sees you, he’s--what if he makes the connection? I have to talk to him before-- ugh I have to tell him what if he doesn’t--”
Nunnally silences him with a gentle hand on his arm. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard you so nervous.”
He’s silent for a moment, slumping into his chair. “It’s Suzaku,” like that answers everything.
Nunnally grants him another small smile, because apparently it does. “I know. What if you ask him to meet you here after class? I can talk to him and explain everything. You can say you want him to discuss something with him as a student council member.”
He sighs. It’s a fine plan, it’s just… “Abusing my power as Vice President. Milly will never let me live this down.”
Nunnally giggles.
“Ah, Kururugi?” Lelouch ignores how he’s the only one that has actually pronounced his name correctly all day. Different even than the teacher that introduced him.
Suzaku blinks up at him from his book bag, then his eyes widen. “You’re the kid from the--”
Lelouch waves his hand frantically because somehow he’s completely forgotten that that was the first incident Suzaku was likely to connect him with. “Yes. Care to walk with me? I just, uh, want to make sure you know everything you need to. As vice president. Of the student council.” He has never been so inarticulate in his life. How does Suzaku always manage to do this to him?
Suzaku beams up at him. “Of course.” He slings his bag over his shoulder and follows Lelouch out, taking the most out of the way path to the clubhouse they can. “Oh, I don’t think I ever caught your name.”
Lelouch barely manages to not freeze at that. “Lelouch. Lelouch Lamperouge.”
Suzaku sounds it out, the Ls falling from his mouth like a waterfall. Then he grins. “I like your name.”
“Thanks?” It comes out as a question because really, what is he supposed to say to that?
“So! What did you want to make sure I knew?”
“Various schedule things, a list of clubs since you are required to be in one even with your military service, and… well, it’ll wait until we get to the clubhouse.” Suzaku nods, then hesitates like he wants to ask a question. Lelouch sighs. “Spit it out.”
“Is the girl okay?”
“I don’t know, we got separated,” Lelouch grinds out, visions of CC sitting on his bed stuffing herself with ungodly amounts of pizza swimming in his head.
He frowns. “I hope she’s somewhere safe.”
Suzaku spends the rest of the walk to the clubhouse glancing at him; Lelouch ignores it. If he’s glancing at him for the reason he thinks, (there aren’t that many people with his eyes, even with the Imperial genes spewed all over the place. He’s only been saved from recognition because people are looking for a princess) then who’s waiting in the clubhouse will answer everything. They reach the door and Lelouch subtly takes a deep breath before opening it. “Lelouch?” comes from inside.
Suzaku frowns next to him when Lelouch glances over. “We’re coming,” he calls back, and leads his old friend towards his sister.
Suzaku’s jaw drops when he enters the room. “Nunnally?”
“Suzaku!” she smiles like a shining sun. “It’s good to hear you alive. You should have heard how worried Lulu was when you got arrested.”
It takes only a moment for Suzaku to make the connection between ‘Lelouch’ and ‘Lulu.’ He spins around to face Lelouch with wide eyes and blurts “Lucina?” then slaps a hand over his mouth. “Ku— sorry, that’s probably the last thing you want me to call you.”
“You’d be correct,” Lelouch drawls and moves away to stand next to Nunnally. His shoulders are up to his ears again at the word and he can’t look up for a moment.
Suzaku clears his throat. “So uh--just to be clear, is it only a disguise thing or…”
Nunnally answers when Lelouch nudges her, unable to get his throat to work. “He’s trans.”
“Ah. My deepest apologies for my slipup, Lelouch.”
He gets halfway through bowing that ridiculous Imperial bow before Lelouch is reaching forward. “Stop, no bowing, it’s fine, it was understandable. Suzaku, stop bowing.”
Suzaku peeks up at him with what might be a teasing smile on his face and Lelouch resists the urge to bury his face in his hands. “Very well, Your Highness.”
“Suzaku.”
Nunnally giggles, and Lelouch contents himself with the lie that the whole performance was for her benefit. They catch up for a while, eating the dinner Lelouch prepares just to avoid having to stare at Suzaku’s smile. It’s… nice, to have someone that knows other than Milly. Someone that knows and doesn’t treat him like royalty beyond the occasional private joke. It’s well after they’ve finished and moved to the living room that Suzaku poses a question Lelouch had never expected to answer.
“Hey, Lelouch, why did you pick your name? I don’t think I’ve ever heard it before.”
As always, there’s something about Suzaku that just compels him to answer. Lelouch looks away to preserve what little of his dignity isn’t about to be destroyed. “I didn’t want Nunnally to stop calling me Lulu.”
Suzaku blinks at him. Nunnally makes a little “aw” sound. “Lulu! You never told me that!”
“You weren’t supposed to know,” he sighs.
Nunnally pats his arm and leans against him. Lelouch can’t help but lean back. “Your secret is safe with me, big brother.”
Lelouch gets up to get more tea and almost drops it when CC practically fucking teleports in front of him. He stares at her for a moment before speaking, thanking his acting skills. “I thought I told you to stay in my room.”
“That boy out there. He’s the soldier, isn't he?”
“Yes.”
“Is that wise?”
“He’s--” he hesitates, unsure of what he’s supposed to say. Suzaku is his friend, but none of his other friends make him freeze up like Suzaku does, none of the rest of them ruin his carefully laid plans with just a smile. “He’s a friend.” Because what else is he supposed to say?
Who’s the bigger fool, the fool or the one who smiles at him?
Lelouch does his best not to glare at Suzaku as he passes him in the hallway the next morning. Stupid, stupid, self-sacrificng fool. The way everyone just stops and stares at him infuriates him but he can’t show it because as much as he hates it Suzaku is sort of right. He’s working on a cover story for why they know each other, something about taking care of Nunnally before the Ashfords took them in, but it’ll take a few days.
It’s going to keep taking longer if Ohgi keeps calling him over every little thing. For god's sake, wasn’t he their leader before Zero showed up? Explains why they almost died. When he’s finally done with the call, he glances idly out the window.
And very much wants to tear something apart. What Nunnally tells him over tea doesn’t help--
The cat.
The cat with his helmet.
(“Poetry he wrote?”
Nunnally tilts her head, confused, but Milly and Rivalz share a glance. They know exactly who Lelouch would be writing poetry over, and it’s not Shirley, not with the way he’s been staring just a little… differently.)
Lelouch feels like he’s about to pass out even before he runs into Suzaku, and the goddamn stairs don’t help. If the cat didn’t have his helmet he’d just sit down and let himself pass out right here, but he cannot let anyone see it. So, up the stairs it is, his vision swimming as he tries desperately to catch up but one of them is a soldier and the other is--is not, oh he really can’t breathe, Suzaku is trying to climb up the roof and Lelouch has to follow him but he can’t--
He must gasp something out but he doesn’t really register what, his brain isn’t quite working, and suddenly Suzaku is holding his wrist and hauling him up back into the window they’d just crawled out of and sitting him on the floor, telling him to just sit there and breathe, he’ll be right back with the cat. Lelouch really doesn't have a choice, fully aware that if he does stand up he is going to pass out, no ifs ands or buts this time. He just prays he didn’t hallucinate the bell knocking the helmet off.
“Hey, Lelouch, you didn’t pass out on me, did you?”
Lelouch manages to pry his eyes open. Suzaku is standing in front of him, the cat in his arms, biting his finger as Suzaku does his best to ignore it.
Helmetless.
“‘aku?”
“Yeah. You okay?”
“Ugh.” Leouch attempts to push himself up, but his legs fail him halfway up. Suzaku almost drops the cat in his flailing to get his shoulder under Lelouch’s and arm around him, but somehow he manages and Lelouch finds himself in very close proximity to his best friend’s face. “Thanks,” he croaks out. At least it’s probably impossible for him to blush right now.
“I’m taking you to the infirmary, but… we’ve got to get down the stairs first.”
“Ah--wait. The cat--did it have anything? When you got it?”
Suzaku shakes his head. “Must’ve lost it in the chase.”
Thank god. “Ugh.”
“Why, what did it have?”
“Something probably better lost, lest Milly have usable dirt on me.” He’ll just have to come back and get the helmet tonight. It’s not like he can get it right now anyway; Suzaku looks like he’s not going to let go until he’s gotten Lelouch to the infirmary. It would be sweet, were his brain not occupied looking down the stairs and giving him a severe case of vertigo.
“What sort of usable dirt?” Lelouch glares at him as best he can with how dizzy he is. Suzaku just grins. “Worth a shot. Come on, we’ll take it slow.”
They do take it slow. Suzaku keeps wincing until they reach another landing and Lelouch huffs and reaches out. “Give me the cat.”
“Lelouch, you’re shaking, I’m not giving you the cat.”
“I don’t want you to drop me when it inevitably bites you harder.”
Suzaku looks over at him, then relents and gives him the cat. It snuggles in Lelouch’s arms like an angel and Lelouch snickers at Suzaku’s betrayed face. Then he softens, arm tightening under Lelouch’s shoulders, taking more of his weight. “You sure you’re okay?” he whispers. “This seems worse than it was.”
“I’ve never had a particularly good constitution,” he grumbles. “Although they did decide I was anemic, among the other things you saw, after Nunnally and I finally got picked up. Something… something in the chemical weapons.”
Suzaku frowns in sympathy as they get started again. “I’m sorry. That must be worse with--uh--monthlies. Do you still get--”
Lelouch stops moving. “Crap.”
Suzaku flails to keep his grip on him and the cat protests. “Lelouch?”
“Ugh. That explains why I felt like such crap this morning.”
His friend blinks at him. “You… you didn’t realize you started your period--actually, hang on, why do you still have one? I thought there were like--ways to stop that.”
Lelouch grumbles out “It’s not like it all leaks out at once” to Suzaku’s slightly scandalized expression and starts walking again, forcing Suzaku along after him. “Not ways accessible to a prince in hiding. If I asked for birth control I’d have to be a woman. And I’m not entirely sure any doctor wouldn’t figure me out. I’m… not exactly inconspicuous, if you’re looking for a princess. If I had a way to stop it, I would, trust me.”
“I’m sorry. I wish I could help.”
“Having someone to complain to actually helps a little.”
Suzaku beams at him. They stumble out into the sunlight to the cheers of the student council and half-hearted whispering of the rest of the student body, and Lelouch makes a split-second decision that in all honesty he’d been thinking about since last night. If pressed, he’ll blame it on the dizziness still blurring his vision. “He’s my friend.”
Suzaku beams at him again.
Rivalz takes the cat back to the student council chambers and Milly not-so-subtly takes Lelouch’s other side as the crowd disperses. “Alright, idiot,” she says, “Infirmary for you. What were you thinking, running around like that?”
“I wasn’t.”
“Lulu,” Nunnally frowns at him as she trundles along next to them, barely paying attention to Milly’s murmured directions, “you haven’t eaten, have you.”
Lelouch looks away from her. This time it’s Suzaku who stops walking. “Lelouch!”
“I got interrupted.”
Suzaku sighs and shakes his head. “Infirmary, then I’m taking you home and making you lunch and you’re going to stay in bed.”
“I don’t need a knight,” he snaps.
“I rather think you do, actually.”
Lelouch stops and raises himself to full Imperial authority. “I do not need a knight.”
Suzaku sighs. “No, but you do need a friend right now.”
They stare at each other. The dizziness coming back forces Lelouch to relent. “Fine.”
Milly raises an eyebrow at them. “Sooooooooo…”
“He knows.”
That, in hindsight, was exactly the wrong thing to say. Milly’s grin widens concerningly. “Oh, so he’s got to know all sorts of juicy secrets, huh?”
“Uh--”
“Milly,” Nunnally admonishes, “could you at least wait until the nurse looks at Lelouch?”
Milly pouts. Lelouch sighs.
When Lelouch is finally pronounced to only need some food and bed rest and allowed to stumble back to his room with Suzaku’s help, it’s already time for the ceremony. Suzaku is not excused from standing at attention in the gym, even if Lelouch is, so he leaves with a frown and a promise to be back later with food. Lelouch sighs and leans back, ignoring the radio clicking on in the other room. If Nunnally wants to listen to their father rant, she is welcome to. Lelouch would rather kill him.
“You look miserable.”
He jolts at the new voice, whipping around and immediately regretting it when his vision greys out. He wobbles in place, catching himself on the bed before it finally comes back. CC is standing in the doorway, his Zero helmet swinging from her finger. “You got it?”
“I’m just as invested in this as you are at this point,” she murmurs, tossing it like a basketball for a moment before she shoves it in the case that Lelouch only now realizes was still open on the floor. Then she shoves the whole thing into a secret compartment in the back of the couch he’d made for the purpose. He decides not to ask how she knew it was there.
She pats his head condescendingly on the way out, and he doesn’t have the energy to care. He lies there, staring at the ceiling, the soft noise of Clovis’s funeral echoing through the door she didn’t bother to close. Prince Clovis la Britannia is dead. Long live Prince Clovis.
Like he ever got a state funeral.
“Lucina, I think we should stop.”
She growls and whirls around to yell at Suzaku, but trips over her own feet and tumbles to her knees. On her back, Nunnally yelps in concern. “Lulu?”
“I’m fine. We’re not stopping here.”
Suzaku, still with tears in his eyes, glances at the massacre around them. “Not to make camp,” he clarifies, “just a quick rest. And I think you should let me carry Nunnally.”
She snarls at him, but it comes out weak. “Why?”
He blinks at her. “Lucina, you’re about to collapse.”
“I am not.”
Suzaku crosses his arms and glares down at her. “Yes you are. You keep stumbling sideways like--” he breaks off, something haunted in his eyes. “Please, Lucina. I can’t carry you both if you do collapse, and I know you’d hate yourself if Nunnally got hurt because you were too stubborn.”
Lucina glares up at him for a moment more, angry tirade on the tip of her tongue, but then Nunnally pats her shoulder. “You should let Suzaku carry me, Lucina. You’re really tired, and I know you gave half of your last food portion to me and then refused to take it back. I--I know you’re just trying to take care of me, but you need to take care of yourself too. Please, Lulu? For me?”
She sighs. “Fine.” It takes some careful maneuvering, but Nunnally is transferred to Suzaku’s back and Lucina stands up feeling a little more able to walk. She still ends up leaning against Suzaku as they finally leave the massacre behind, her legs weak under her and dizziness encroaching on her vision. Suzaku pauses for a second. “Nunnally, how long do you think you can hold on with only one of my arms?”
“I don’t need a knight,” Lucina snaps at him, although it’s more like a wheeze.
“I rather think you do.”
She pulls away from Suzaku just enough to stand to her full Imperial glory, claim to the throne or not, and intones, “I do not need a knight.”
Suzaku frowns at her, then sighs. “No, but you do need a friend. And friends lean on friends, that’s how this works.”
“...fine.”
He beams at her, a ray of sunlight in the grey horror of a war they’ve been abandoned to, and wraps his right arm around her shoulders, a subtle support even as he’s still carrying Nunnally. Nunnally rests her cheek against his shoulder and smiles at Lucina. “Thank you, Sir Kururugi, for your galant efforts.”
Suzaku blushes. “But of course, My Lady.”
The three of them stumble on until Nunnally comments on it smelling much better here and even Lucina has to admit she’s about to collapse, the only thing keeping her upright Suzaku’s arm. He gently releases his arm around her and sets Nunnally down against a tree, telling her to keep an ear out for anything while he finds them some food. Lucina barely registers his words as he turns to her, her vision grey and hearing rushing no wait that’s the ground--Suzaku’s arms catching her--Nunnally’s lap under her head and hand in her hair and a gentle whisper of sleep from both of them.
Lucina wakes up to find Suzaku sitting next to her, a gentle smile on his face and fruit in his hands. “Good, you’re awake. Here, eat this, Lucina.”
“Don’t call me that,” she whispers without thinking. “Call me Lulu.”
Princess Lucina vi Britannia is dead. Long live Princess Lucina.
(“I’m worried about him. It’s been a while since he last collapsed.”
Suzaku reaches out and squeezes Nunnally’s wrist. “The nurse said it was just too much running for him. And his period didn’t help. He’ll be fine by tomorrow.”
Nunnally frowns at him, but seems to acquiesce. “Keep an eye on him for me? Sayako will put me to bed.”
“Of course.”
“He loves you, you know.”
Suzaku chokes on air. “What?”
“He hasn’t realized it, but his voice is different around you. He doesn’t control the pitch as much. He doesn’t do that even when it’s just me.”
She trundles off, leaving Suzaku stunned in her wake.)
Lelouch wakes up to find Suzaku sitting next to him, a gentle, concerned smile on his face and dinner on a tray in his hands. “Oh, you’re awake. Here, eat this, Lelouch.”
“Don’t call me that,” he whispers without thinking. “Call me Lulu.”
Prince Lelouch vi Britannia is dead. Long live Prince Lelouch.